#there was another part where she looked up the lesbian master doc but i never finished it😭

[myriam-draws]

i’m a firm believer teruhashi has a bad case of comphet and is lesbian and no, i am never wrong

[inactivefandomblog]

Things I noticed when I re watched Birds of prey last night

Hi all, I watched BOP for the second time last night and I wanted to write down some of the things I noticed as I had seen @wordsoflittlewisdom​ , Idea credit goes to them on this one. I’m aware that some of these things are not exactly new discoveries and were blatantly obvious to others, but I have ADHD and a processing delay meaning that I don't always take in all the information the first time I watch a film. For example, I had no idea Renee was gay for ages, even though they tell us she had an ex girlfriend (I think I was too busy fan Girling that Ali Wong was in the film then though to hear that bit). I have to focus more on the overall plot when I watch things the first time, but the second time I was able to scan for little details and take in more things. Without further ado, here’s what I noticed.

“Do you know what a harlequin is? A harlequin's role is to serve. It's nothing without a master. No one gives two shits who we are, beyond that.”

-When Harley is talking about Harlequinns serving  their master, she is not just talking about her relationship with the Joker, but about Canary letting Roman be her master. She is saying that she felt like she was nothing without the Joker. She is also implying that Dinah feels the same about Roman, and that she shouldn't because he doesn’t actually care about her like the Joker didn’t care about her.

-THATS WHY SHE ONLY HAS ONE SHOE IN THE CHASE SCENE!!!!!  SHE USED IT TO PIN DOWN THE ACCELERATOR IN THE TRUCKKKKKK!!! MYSETERY SOLVED!! ...  though.. she didn’t change her shoes to a full set between then and the police chase the next day/ later on the same day. Meaning she didn't go home after that...so did she just like wander around Gotham after committing a huge crime obviously tide to her XD of course she did, she’s Harley Fucking Quinn! Either that or she passed out somewhere from being very very drunk, hopefully her apartment and not just a street or something.

-BONUS:  fanfic idea: DRUNK HARLEY HAS A FUNERAL FOR HER SHOE THAT GOT BLOWN UP IN THE ACE CHEMICALS EXPLSION, WITH BRUCE AND THE BEAVER. after she leaves the crime scene. That just seems like a thing drunk Harley would do, as I imagine she loved those shoes as they were awesome..so were her sequin socks.

-The first time I watched it I didn't realise that the fireworks weren’t actually there - because that was all in Harley's head and the film is from her pov - even though we are showed that when the police arrive there are none and it's just a regular explosion. Not until I was told this was the case and realised we were literally shown this later on.

-She goes from being a Harlequinn to Harley Quinn as she becomes emancipated.

-Roman just lets Zsas grab his arms and restrain him when he’s mad, switch energy much.....also they are defo gay for each other. Zsas was acting like a jealous boyfriend when he gave Dinah even an ounce of attention. He legit told her to come back later when he just started massaging Roman’s shoulders. Roman let's Zsas rub his shoulders and comfort him, Zsas wants to protect Roman...need I go on.

- Cass’ parents are yelling about how they don't want her if you listen to what they are saying, so they’re not just fighting, they’re fighting because they wish they never adopted her. She can hear them saying all this too. This made me feel even more sad for Cass than when I thought her parents were toxic to each other in my first watch through.

- (Trigger warning: mention of domestic abuse and child abuse)

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Cass’ parents didn't want her and seemed to be very hostile, its not mentioned how Cass got her cast...but I realised that it could suggest that her parents broke her arm. Which would go on to suggest that they were abusing her physically as well as emotionally. Hence why she didn’t trust people, and was so hurt when Harley betrayed her. Because when she says that she though Harley was different, she meant that she thought she could trust Harley and that Harley wouldn’t hurt her.

-Margot’s real accent comes through when she tells Canary ‘I haven't told that to anyone’ when telling her she Broke up with Joker, as well as a few other times throughout the film.

-Cassandra is quiet and not talkative in her first scene because her throat was hurting because of the diamond. That's why she coughed to try and clear it . At that point in the film we hadn’t been shown that  part but it was set after it happened so it makes sense when you re watch it.

-Cassandra’s jacket has a little middle finger logo on it, which I thought really suited her character.

- Cass has ‘asshole’ written on her cast, a drawing of a gun the word ‘fuck’, the word ‘magic’  - which is probably a reference at how she does some stuff that is similar to closeup magic and uses the same magicians technique of the art of misdirection - she also has what appears to be two playing cards, one with hearts  and one with diamonds. Which is most probably a reference to Harley Quinn’s whole  hearts and diamonds thing she has going. Didn’t comic book Harley also have a link to those specific playing cards too? or something like that?

EDIT: THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS!! I GOT A BETTER LOOK AT THE CAST IN THE COSTUMES VIDEO.

- TW: mentions of abuse and child abuse and trauma

The whole diamonds are a girls best friend is Harley going somewhere else mentally to cope with the trauma of being abused  - we see her being spanked by a nun when was younger suggesting she was abused then too, and I think it is a part of her comic book story  that she was but I don't know for sure - when it flashes and Guns appear that's reality trying to seep in. She's trying to focus on the diamond and block everything else out

-I spotted what looks like a mini mallet on the wall in her kitchen that could potentially be a meat tenderiser, and if that is the case then that is  a fantabulous little Easter egg type thingy. The handle looks too long to be a pot, it has a diamond pattern on it and it is next to another tool for preparing meat...so now I'm just waiting on Margot Robbie,Cathy Yan or Ella Jay Basco to Reply to my tweet and confirm it.

-Helena speaking Chinese makes me laugh for some reason, I think its her facial expression. 

- Kid  Helena’s crayons when she's drawing the revenge pic are all perfectly spaced and placed like her stuff in her bathroom scene. Further evidence of her perfectionism/ her liking things a specific way.

- The towel in Helena’s hotel room  on the bed (seen in mirror reflection) is in the shape of a little person.

- Canary sheds a tear when Roman harasses the lady on the table, I didn't notice that before because I looked away as the scene made me really uneasy.

- Harley screws the cap on the nail polish before putting it down even though there's someone at the door after them. This made me laugh because she thinks the police is after her but still takes time to do this, which is such a Harley thing. Like when she bent down to pick up the penny when that guy was gonna kill her.

- Roman has a shirt with his face printed on it.They did a good job of using the costumes and sets to show his egomaniacal trait.

- The look of acceptance of Harley's face when she realises that no one cares about, after the last person she thought cared about her (Doc) betrayed her, is heart-breaking. 

-How was Renee not injured from getting launched out the window? Even if she didn't fall all the way to the ground and landed on the top of the entrance bit, she’d still be injured.

-WHERE DOES HUNTRESSS STORE ALLL THOSE ARROWWWSSSSS????? SHE FIRED SO MMAANNNNYYY! I DIDN’T SEE A QUIIIIVVVER OR ANYTHING. I guess she just stores them in sub space along with her hammer¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-Also I think I figured out what the chain is  for, at first I thought it was for the crossbow to attach to. Then I though not as she leaves the crossbow on the floor by itself in the funhouse fight scene, but then I think I saw it attached to it..so I think she can just disconnect it when need be. Plus it just looks cool.

-Alllssoo, she toooottallly checked out Dinah! HELENA IS DEFO GAYYYY! she has big useless lesbian vibes. They really knew who their target audience was when they made Helena look so stunning and badass. The producers really said ‘hello LGBTQ+ community’ (hopefully y’all know that tiktok audio or that wont make much sense) Also, if you don't believe me, I have a gif of her doing it on my blog. So there’s no denying it.

-Why were the lights on in the funhouse if it was  abandoned?? Maybe its just more Harley vision? but the carousel was rotating too...

Anyway that's everything I noticed, thanks for reading if you made it this far, and even if you didn’t...you wont see this then but still. Thank y’all .

[diariosdelirio]

discovering i was a lesbian in 2020

when i started high school in 2014 i considered myself straight. i had no bisexual or gay friends, i had only seen gay people on the tv, usually portrayed in different, sometimes negative or exaggerated, stereotypes (usually the “flamboyant gay best friend” and “man-hating lesbian”.) i considered myself an ally to the community, but that was it.

in 2015 i kissed a girl friend of mine during a truth or dare, which ended up being my first kiss. i had two guy friends who were openly gay, and knew a girl through some friends who was bi. after some thinking and a few more pecks w girls, i was proud to call myself bisexual.

throughout my high school years i didn’t date at all. i had several guy friends who were into me, but the thought of going out with them or being alone with them made me extremely nervous. i felt slightly panicked and i would blush, thinking “this is what butterflies” must feel like. but they never asked me out, and i never made a move myself.

fast-forward to 2018, during my gap-year. i was at a smaller house party, got very drunk, and ended up outside laying on a trampoline with a kinda cute guy under the stars, and it felt a bit like one of those movie moments. except that when the guy kissed me (my first longer kiss w a guy) i felt so extremely and utterly bored. no passion, no excitement, just boredom. i also felt that negative nervousness from years before, just slightly uncomfortable. we ended up talking the rest of the time.

i panicked a bit after this, reading the lesbian master doc on my way to work, thinking “wow this seems so incredibly accurate to me.” but i was no where ready to admit to myself i was a lesbian. my attraction to men felt like some sort of safety, something to lean back on. and then at new years, i got asked out by another guy, and the entire date (a few days later) i was on edge the whole time. when he walked me home, i didn’t think of anything else but “will he expect a kiss when we part ways?” and there was that nervousness yet again. i still continued to id as bi, thinking it was the unfamiliarity of the guys that made me nervous. maybe i had to be friends first? maybe knowing them well enough would soothe my anxieties? yeah that was probably it. i definitely liked guys.

2020 however, was definitely an eye-opening year. on a whim, i dm’d a twitter mutual on international lesbian day to ask her about her own lesbian experiences, and she told me about them and sent the lesbian master doc to me. i read it at 2AM at night, close to tears, feeling like i couldn’t lie to myself anymore. but i also felt scared. i’d always thought lesbians knew of their aversion to men early on, that if i were one i would’ve figured it out a long time ago. i also started realising i had some intense lesbophobia to unpack, finding it uncomfortable to call myself a lesbian. this was something i continued unpacking for months, reading up on lesbian experiences, finding comfort and pride in seeing amazing lesbians on twitter, tiktok, on tumblr. i wrote to one of my best friends from uni, the first lesbian person i’d known in real life, and she was so sweet and supportive.

in august 2020 i wanted a last “test”. i got drunk and made out with a guy friend from high school, one of the few guys i’ve probably felt fully comfortable around. i thought “if i don’t feel Anything kissing him, i will know for sure.” he was someone i’d had a crush on a few years back, or so i thought. a few seconds after kissing him the first thought that popped into my head was “yeah i’m definitely a lesbian.” and then i spent the whole next day journalling about it, stuck in a german town. i realised that some men were pretty to look at, some of them were nice people who i could see as friends, but i would never want to be kissed by one, go on dates with one, or be in a relationship with one. i told some of my friends of my discovery, i told my sister. i think at this point my mother kind of knows too.

just a few weeks away from new years, i finally feel comfortable with calling myself a lesbian, and the moment i fully embraced that i felt a huge weight lift off my shoulder. the weight that was in my gut, making me nervous around all those guys in my past, i realised they were warnings. love should never feel uncomfortable. and now i know that i will never have to be with a man, date a man, or marry a man. and looking back on the past now, there were definitely female teachers i had crushed on, classmates. i remember this girl in my class 1-5 grade, how cute i thought she was and how i really wanted to be her friend. the signs were all there, but i didn’t know the option of being with a girl was there. now, 15 years later, i know. and it makes me beyond happy.

i wish i had known that lesbian experiences are so vast and varied, and maybe my story will help even one person on their own journey 🧡🤍💖 love you!

[lblwlw]

Hello!

First post here, but I have a long history with tumblr. Tumblr has always sort of been a place for me to escape because few of my friends ever had my URL/followed me. This time it’s a little more important.  

CW: Brief mentions of sexual occurrences with men, brief talk of depression, nothing too serious or graphic

TLDR; I’ve suppressed my gayness on accident for basically my whole life, identified as bi, married a man, realized I’m gay, am now figuring out my life.

Warning, this is a LONG post.

I have always been been fascinated with sexuality, more specifically same sex relationships. I was always interested in the idea of being in a same sex relationship but told myself, “no, that’s not me”. Eventually in middle school I played with the idea of being bisexual when I learned what that meant. I said, perfect. I can tell my internet friends I like girls, too, but I won’t have to tell anyone else and I can just worry about boys then at school and for my parents. I had a few crushes on boys, but the thought of actually dating them terrified me and so I very rarely did more than think about them a lot and just tell my friends that I was “too ugly” or whatever else, or “too awkward.” What they didn’t know was that through MySpace I met a girl and had a huge crush on her. We talked a lot and we said we were dating. I never really told anyone. That eventually fizzled out. 

Over time I got bullied a couple times because classmates found my MySpace and found that I identified as bi. I quickly learned it was something I didn’t want to talk about. I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression throughout all of school. In high school I steadily crushed on one boy almost all four years, but looking back I think I really just enjoyed and wanted to be his friend. Or I just kind of picked him as the one I liked the most so I had a crush to be a normal girl. I dated two boys the entirety of high school, the first one I broke up with because once he finally asked me out (after I “liked him”) and we did relationship things, like kissing, I was not all about it. It didn’t feel right. I thought, maybe I just didn’t like him. Next boyfriend, I wasn’t entirely objected to kissing him but it wasn’t my favorite. It got more frustrating when he wanted to do more. I wasn’t so opposed to him touching me, but when it came to touching him I was like “this ain’t it”. I stayed with him anyway, hoping I would “get over it” until he broke up with me. I wonder now if he could tell I wasn’t into it.

There was actually a time in which I thought, maybe I should date girls? One of my friends was dating a girl, and I thought that was wonderful. I went to her to tell her that I had been thinking maybe I’d rather date girls. I totally blocked this conversation out of my head until recently.

Once I was done with high school I was discouraged but tried to date a few different guys. None of them went that fantastically. If I met them online, I usually came up with a reason we couldn’t meet. “Maybe this just won’t work” It was fun to talk and flirt but when it came down to bringing it into real life I’d panic because that meant kissing a guy again, and possibly having sex. It made me totally uncomfortable. Finally I said, “I wish I was just into girls, ugh.” Remembered that I was, and that I should try it finally. I matched with this sweet girl that was about a year younger than me. She seemed so put together and so kind. We went on a few dates, getting ramen, fancy cupcakes, riding on a trolly in the city, etc. I remember when I got to kiss her in public and I was SO pumped to be seen doing that! Another time, I believe I drove her home but we parked away from her house and made out in my car. I still remember so much of it vividly. 

Eventually I realized that if I was seriously dating her, she would want it to be known. I’d have to face my fears and tell my family. For some reason, this absolutely terrified me. It shouldn’t have but it did. I thought through my options, and decided I should just find a nice guy that will love me and spend my life with me so I don’t have to do this anymore. I did the unspeakable act of basically just ghosting her and pursued a guy from work who, realistically, kind of freaked me out. Thanks to good old compulsive heterosexuality, I read this as my attraction to him. Thankfully, he was pretty easily attracted to me. I recall early in the relationship wishing I hadn’t done that awful thing to that girl, and that I wish I was still dating a girl. Nothing was technically wrong with my relationship that I had now, but something felt off. Like I was missing something. I tucked that away somewhere in my head and enjoyed building an amazing friendship with this man. I did love him, and I still do. He’s kind, he’s sensitive, we have a lot of shared interests and he’s taught me so much intentionally and unintentionally. 

We got married last year and while I felt grateful I had this amazing person beside me, I remember a part of me wondering if this was right for me. I had this weird little empty pocket somewhere in my heart. That I had given up my young adulthood maybe, and that I could have experienced being with... a woman, for real. I thought, I wish I could have met my husband later in life, maybe. Maybe then I’d have gotten my desires for women out of the way and then been with him forever. Because I do love him, he’s a good person and deserves to be loved. I enjoyed the wedding as a big party that I got to have with my family, but I just remember wondering where that extreme excitement was that everyone always described. Was I broken?

Now over a year later, I was sitting at home one day feeling lost and depressed. I had been on TikTok and saw all these young people having fun and I wished that I had spent more time trying to have fun in the past, before I got married. I thought, I could do it now, but what if something happened and I somehow I fell for one of these girls while being with my husband? Wait... why would I even think that? I started to really analyze this thought. I thought, if I was bi like I had always identified, why could I not be happy with my husband? Well, I was, but something was missing. This thought popped into my head: Oh no. What if I am gay? 

What?! Why would I think that? That’s crazy. I would have known as a kid like everyone says. Right? That’s how that works. I chalked this up to feeling like I was missing out and tried to stop thinking about it. It was hard not to, though. And so I googled one morning while out listening to the birds, after escaping bed before my husband rose to avoid his intimacy: “lesbian married to a man”

This article came up about a woman who had been married to a man for many years and they had kids. She started to question herself, and her attraction to him. I don’t remember all of it but I remember getting really uncomfortable but also having this weird sense of calm. That finally, I felt like I identified with something. I wasn’t really sure though. I sent a message to the lady who wrote the article. She replied a week later telling me that she had a podcast called Lesbian Chronicles. I said, okay, I need to listen to this. I listened to about two episodes or so when they mentioned this thing called “The Master Doc” and the reddit sub called Late Bloomer Lesbians. I was like “Holy crap, a community??”

I logged onto reddit for the first time ever. I saw all these women posting in similar situations to me. I found “The Master Doc” and “Straight women don’t say...”

It was like a light bulb went off. Oh my god, everything makes sense! Maybe I’m NOT broken! I remembered all the women that I had crushes on. All the times I thought about women but told myself I was just “weird” and tried not to think about it. I always thought, no I can’t be gay because I wasn’t sure of it as a kid. Now I realized that women especially are fed a straight narrative. It’s “normal” to not be attracted to men the way they are to you. It’s normal to not totally enjoy sex with men... When I learned that we’ve been told this, and it isn’t really true... I wanted to cry. Now I was in the biggest “pickle” ever. I have this man who loves me, who I said vows to swearing I loved him the same forever. Did I just accept who I was and what I did and live with it? Did I break up with him? That seemed to harsh. I heard a lot of women in the same position say they spoke to a therapist. I immediately googled therapists in my area that specialized in LGBTQ+ issues, sent an email ASAP, and felt a little bit of relief. I knew this was real because after years of playing with the idea of seeing a therapist, this came so naturally when I needed help with this.

Now I am here. I feel very confident that I am gay, and my dad knows now. I tried to bring it up with my husband but it didn’t go very well. He currently thinks that maybe I’m just a sad bisexual who hasn’t been able to express her bi-ness. I am at a point a conversation needs to happen again. I told myself when my lesbian flag and pin came in the mail, I would talk to him again. It’s being delivered today. I am terrified, to say the least. It feels so wrong to “betray” this man who has dedicated to much time and work to giving us as good a life as he can. But I need to live my truth. It will come. I’m low-key excited for it. I hope maybe this helps someone going through the same thing.

-Anonymous Married Lesbian

[kclenhartnovels]

Episode Three

[One] [Two]

“Wait!”

DeWitt held up their hands in a T shape, and took a few steps forward. Frosticle startled, and the ice obediently cuddled against her palm instead. “Wait, please. Ms. Jackson, can you kindly explain to me your evil twin sister?”

Kate tucked the blanket around her shoulders, crossing her legs comfortably. Flashback panels littered behind her while she spoke, and Frosticle waited patiently for the explanation to finish. “When we were babies, my mother knew that there was something wrong with Vanessa, but she could never tell what it was. My parents raised us until we were nine, and then there was a terrible accident, and they were both killed.” The flashback panels politely showed a young Vanessa freezing the steering wheel, sending a car and the entire family into oncoming headlights. “My grandparents adopted and raised me, but they knew that Vanessa was evil. So she went to live with the Villa family.”

“They loved me for who I really am,” Frosticle snarled, curling her fist and sending cracks of frost across the floor. “Evil.”

DeWitt scrubbed at their face for a moment. “Ms. Villa, I have reason to believe that you are in great danger as well.”

“Great danger?” she repeated, and laughed. “Darling, I am the danger. And I’m here to kill my sister.”

“Why?” DeWitt asked, already digging out a business card.

The question seemed to throw her for a moment, and she looked between Kate and DeWitt. It snowed thoughtfully. “Because Power Surge loves her, and I must destroy everything that he loves.” She clenched her fist. A wind swirled the snow, waving her hair dramatically.

“Why didn’t you kill your sister when you killed your parents?” DeWitt pressed. “You had the opportunity then. Why wait all these years until she happened to fall in love with your enemy?”

“I love my sister,” Frosticle snarled. “But I hate men. She fell in love with a man, and the worst kind of man! She betrayed me!”

DeWitt held out the business card between two fingers. “Luckily for you, I am not a man. Let me help you, too.”

The wind snatched the card out of their hand, and obediently wafted it into Frosticle’s. She inspected it with a sneer. “Secondary Character Protection Agency. I am not secondary.”

“You wouldn’t be, if this was your story. But listen to your dialogue, Ms. Villa. You’re an antagonist, and one that the writers will gleefully kill. But not until they make you kill your sister, who you love.” DeWitt spread their hands pleadingly. Their coat fluttered in the same wind that buffeted Frosticle’s hair. Somehow, it didn’t touch DeWitt’s hat. “Ms. Villa, you are the perfect villain for them to kill. You are beautiful, strong, black, and a lesbian. There is no way you’re getting out of this story alive without my help.”

Kate stood at last, holding the blanket around her shoulders like a cape. Snow kissed her hair. Her lips were too blue. “Nessa, please.”

Frosticle tucked the card into her cleavage. “There is one other way I can get out of this story alive. I just have to kill Power Surge.” The wind whirled, tossing snow and scattered shards around the room, and then Frosticle disappeared back out the broken window.

DeWitt rushed to the window, and swore quietly.

“We’re eight stories up,” Kate protested, not daring to move for all the broken glass. “Where did she go? Ice powers wouldn’t allow her to fly.”

“Villain physics,” DeWitt explained. “It allows for dramatic entrances and exits, regardless of powers. She’ll be fine.” They turned enough to offer Kate an exhausted smile. “Superheroes have their own set of physics, too. It’s why they can always stick the landing.”

“Trent never complains that his knees hurt,” Kate agreed with a frown. “But I have weak ankles. I’m always falling into his arms.”

“Of course you are.” DeWitt rubbed at their face for a moment, then took off their hat and raked fingers through their hair. They wanted nothing more than a shower and a half dozen shots of whiskey, but there was no time for that, and they doubted the writers were ready for a drunken interlude. Not when the stakes had just risen. Maybe another dozen chapters, and there would be a comedic break, but they weren’t counting on it. “I doubt we’ll be able to catch up to Frosticle right now--we need to find another way to get to her to help.”

“Do you think she’ll let us help?”

“No, but maybe we can stop her from killing Trent.” They looked around the apartment, still strewn with shards of glass and scattered with snow.

“Do we need to clean up?” Kate asked with a frown. “Your windows are missing.”

“I’m not worried about it,” they said with a flippant motion, and put their hat back on. “This mess is too much for the artist to draw over and over. It will be cleaned up on its own by the time we get back.”

“Get back from where?”

“I think it’s time we have a talk with that barista again. Get some clothes on, Miss Jackson.”

“Where do you expect to find him? It’s the middle of the night,” Kate pointed out, pulling a shirt on anyway. The front of it read Drop Dead Gorgeous. DeWitt didn’t like the sadistic foreshadowing.

DeWitt gestured towards the broken windows. Dawn began to peek over the horizon, glimmering off the high rises around them, and sending light across Kate’s cheekbones. “Story progression is more important than the continuity of time. You’ll get used to it eventually.”

She tugged on a pair of jeans that hugged her thighs too closely. “But I thought we were trying to intentionally break the narrative. How can we do that if even time is broken?”

They offered Kate an overcoat. “There are some things we will never have control over, Miss Jackson. This world is written and drawn for viewers that we will never see. In order to have our own agency, we have to find a way to move in the peripherals of their vision. You were never aware of the way time moved before. Now that you know, you can use it to your advantage. Which is why we’re going to get coffee.”

Kate slid into the coat. It was too big on her, and for once covered her skin without immediately sticking to her curves. DeWitt counted it as a small victory. “Do you think my cream will mix this time?” she asked hopefully.

DeWitt doubted it, but offered her a noncommittal shrug instead. Just as before, Sugar Honey Ice & Tea had a nominal line, just long enough for Kate to lean up on her toes and peer over the heads of strangers. She wasn’t wearing heels for a change, and DeWitt wished they had been keeping a notepad just to tally the minor changes, before they became part of the conscious rendering.

“You gave Joe Steve your business card, right?” Kate asked with a frown. “Did he ever go by your office?”

They shrugged helplessly again. “I don’t know; the plot curved away when Frosticle appeared, and I think the writer forgot about the scene. I guess we’ll find out when we talk to him if he remembers me or not.”

She rubbed at her nose. “Agent DeWitt, this is very complicated. How can everyone just forget or remember things that may or may not have ever happened? How am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s--?”

“What’s been redacted, edited, or canonly changed?” They smiled, and put an arm around Kate’s shoulders. A saxophone solo blared from the overhead speakers. DeWitt chose to ignore it. “I’ll get you signed up to receive THE CANON CHRONICLE. It will help you keep track of any changes.”

“Good morning, what do you want?” Demeter greeted from behind the counter. A brightly-colored pin promised SERVICE WITH A SMILE!, but her pierced lips refused to even make the attempt.

DeWitt pulled a folded wallet out of their coat, flashing it open to reveal a badge. “I need to talk with your barista for a few moments, please.”

“And two coffees,” Kate added brightly.

“Please,” DeWitt agreed, handing over cash as well, leaving some of it in the tip jar.

Demeter barely blinked. “That’s not a city police badge, not FBI or CIA, not even the secret government agency’s.”

“How would you know what the secret government agency’s badge looks like?”

“Duh. Everyone knows it. What good would a secret agency be without marketing?” She handed them a receipt with a look of faint scathing. “So what is that badge?”

“SCPA, ma’am. I gave him my business card yesterday.”

Demeter glanced down to the barista, who was sporting a black eye from his last fight with Power Surge, but seemed otherwise unscathed. “Yo, Frappachino, take your fifteen, huh?”

Kate sat at a table at the far end of the cafe, and stirred her coffee with more force than necessary, but the cream still did no more than make an artistic whorl in the center. The overcoat slipped off her shoulders to pool around her elbows.

“So,” DeWitt began, steepling their fingers as the barista joined them at the table. “Do you prefer Joe or Steve?”

“I prefer Dr. Thomson,” he corrected, his shoulders nearly double the width of the chair he leaned back against. “I have two doctorates and four masters’ degrees.”

Kate’s eyes widened, and small shock scribbles appeared around her mouth. “What are you doing working at a cafe, then?”

His massive shoulders shrugged. “I’m the right size for a henchman, so it’s how I got cast. There was already an oversized doctor villain in town, and Doc Tom doesn’t sound as intimidating.”

DeWitt sighed through their nose. “And let me guess, your doctorates aren’t medical, so there was no other way for you to be cast?”

“No, they’re in philosophy and literature, specializing in romanticism poetry.” He adopted a wistful expression. “Byronic poetry in particular just speaks to me.”

Kate’s smile was wistful. “Trent gets confused when a word has more than three syllables.”

“So,” DeWitt redirected, taking a sip of their coffee at last, “you work for Frosticle?”

“Yes, I am a criminal assistant.”

“Don’t you mean accomplice?” Kate asked.

Dr. Tom shook his head. “If anything, it’s more like criminal intern. I’m not getting paid, which is why I work here. That, and it allows me to spy on superheroes for her.”

“I thought Frosticle hated men. Why do you work for her?” DeWitt already had another business card in hand.

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “I think it’s an inconsistent writer.”

“We did talk yesterday,” DeWitt decided.

“I was in your office for three hours. Your Chief handed me a stack of inspirational cards on my way out.”

“Well, that makes this easier.” DeWitt tilted their hat, and leaned forward conspiratorially. “We need to stop your boss before she tries to kill Power Surge. We need your help to be able to get into her lair and talk with her.”

“Talk to her?” Dr. Tom repeated. “You’ll never get past Lesbeam. She kills anyone that even gets close to the warehouse. And she doesn’t accept solicitors, either, so I don’t think your business cards will help.”

“What warehouse?” DeWitt pressed. “Just tell us where we need to go, and we’ll figure it out from there.”

“We?” Kate repeated. Even halfway empty, her coffee and cream remained a perfect swirl. “I get to go with you? Not just stay behind and stare wistfully out the window in my underwear?”

“Well, of course. We’re partners, Miss Jackson. I need you with me.”

Dr. Tom scribbled an address on a piece of paper. Based on his handwriting, DeWitt had no doubt that he had multiple doctorates; it was barely legible. “I have to get back to work,” he said, standing and blocking out the overhead lights for a moment with his girth. “Good luck.”

Demeter leaned against the counter to call over to them. “Yo, Blended Machiatto, your break’s over.”

“Before we go to the warehouse,” DeWitt whispered, tucking the slip of paper into their coat. “I think we need to swing by the office, Miss Jackson, and help you look the part.”

“Look the part of what?”

Kate didn’t remember walking from the coffee shop to the office; she didn’t remember seeing a pair of disappointed teenagers walking out of the door when they realized there were no puppies up for adoption; she didn’t remember Chief Special Agent greeting them with his booming voice, or handing her a stack of paperwork to fill out; she didn’t remember looking through a closet full of clothing, or anything else that happened over the next few hours. None of it mattered to the viewer, and none of it was as impressive as cutting right to her walking through the Agency’s door.

Clad in a fitted black suit, Kate tipped down the brim of her hat, and gave DeWitt a bright smile. “Agent DeWitt, I am ready for my first assignment.”

“Well then, Agent Jackson. Let’s get to work.”

As always, patrons get first chance to read plus other goodies, and my ko-fi tip jar is always open. Also available to read on Wattpad!

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[docholligay]

Doc, what was your favorite part of the trip? What was the most surprising? What would you want to do again?

I haven’t read Jet’s yet, by design, because I didn’t want to be influenced by her answers, and also I usually read long-read articles in the tub.

My favorite part of the trip, all in all, if I had to pick just one, was the surprise. I love surprises, I live for them, and i love really unexpected surprises, and I knew there was no way she would ever expect that I would do something like this.

(Again, a million thanks to the sponsor who made this happen, who wishes to remain anonymous, this was amazing)

I was on the MAX for as long as my flight was, taking the train all the way out of the city and then taking the bus, the whole time hoping that I wouldn’t accidentally spill the beans.

It’s so funny, I have exact same thing every time I fly to Portland: A small split of prosecco in the airport, 2 chicken strips, and two glasses of the complimentary Horizon wine on the plane. Exact same. Every time. I don’t like to fly, and ritual is very comforting to me.

I WAS TERRIFIED, HOWEVER, THAT THIS TIME IT WOULD GET ME MAGICALLY DRUNK, AND I WOULD SPILL ALL THE BEANS,AND ALSO THE REST OF THE TACO FILLINGS, OH MY GOD I AM MAKING TACOS FOR DINNER.

Also the gal at the airport bar didn’t recognize me because I was dressed up as Lena for the entirety of my flight. TRAPPED IN MY BOY PANTS: THE VACATION.

One of the funny things is Jet KNEW something was being delivered, because she never would have believed I forgot our friendiversary and didn’t send anything at all, so I ordered Chinese to her house with garlic shrimp, a la Winston and Lena, and Mike emailed me, afraid that I’d screwed up and meant the food for me and hadn’t gotten to the house in time (In fairness, the gallon of soup was 100% for me, and I ate the entire thing that night.) But no, I had my bases covered, and she assumed, as I had hoped, that it was my gift for her.

But I didn’t, as astute viewers may note, and i did in fact manage to get off the bus on a pitch black street with no sidewalk, stare at my phone, shrug, and walk to where I thought the little dot would be.

Luckily, a Jedi came crashing through the bushes, whispering my name.

When Jet first saw me, it took her a solid 10 to 15 seconds to even register who I was, thought in fairness I was bouncing around so much that I think a reasonable person might have had a hard time telling through the blur. She, of course, repeatedly called me a shit, because what else was she going to do, really?

That was a great moment, just her utter surprise and my utter delight that she was surprised and I hadn’t ruined it, and it had all worked out, and I knew that it would be a tough surprise to top ever.

Other than that, if we break it down by day:

Wednesday:  Best: Dinner at PokPok. This is a place I’ve always wanted to try, and the food did not disappoint, it was so amazing, and Jet’s delight at the discovery of the Mango Alexander was everything I had ever wanted in life, and also her surprise at how much she liked the food! I had ordered what was essentially a grilled chicken half and rice, in case she couldn’t handle the rest of the food, but she really loved the chicken wings (we all did) and the mussels with the crispy crepe. (I was the only one who lost my shit for the fruit salad, due to its twin sins of being very spicy and not meat, but I would fucking order it again in a heartbeat)

Most surprising: How good the roast beef was at Jet’s butcher! I’m a little jealous, the pastrami was middling, but the roast beef was EXCEPTIONAL.

I also really liked sitting Jet’s ass down and forcing her to work, and forcing her to write, and we’ll be doing that again when she’s here SO LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

Thursday:

Most surprising: THAT OREGON FUCKING SHUTS DOWN OVER LITERALLY 0 INCHES OF SNOW. My whole plan got ruined that day, which I am STILL exceptionally shirty about and will be until the day they lay me in my grave and PROBABLY AFTER THAT IF WE ARE ALL BEING HONEST, so I didn’t get to go see Vista House, we never got to Mount Hood itself, never took the historic highway all the way up and boooooo. So we went to Bonneville Dam, where Jet discovered the fish ladder, and oh my god, her actual delight was so funny and heart warming and amazing. Her telling Mike THEY HAD TO COME BACK WHEN THERE WERE MORE FISH IN THE LADDER.

Best: When Jet stole the pint glass from Full Sail Pub for me, because they were way different and nicer than the ones given out at the tour, and stolen pint glasses with the name of the place on them have the highest ranking on my pint glass system. (Best = I went there, glass was stolen from the table, Second = I was there, I bought it Third = someone else was there, they stole it for me. I generally don’t bother with someone going a place and buying me one or I’d have a million of them) It was just a fun, unexpected moment, and I really enjoyed myself.

I also really loved the picnic at Bonneville, where Mike and Nikki had never had a real picnic, with a full spread.

Friday:

Most surprising: Jet’s absolute love of the blue cheese on honey! It’s one of my favorite pairings, ever, in life, but I didn’t expect Jet to like it as much as I do. But she absolutely loved it. The whole experience of Chizu was exceptional, the way the cheese boards were laid out, the thoughtful pairings with each, even if I found the cheese a bit milder than was to my general liking, but some of that was when we did the cheese omakase, we noted that Jet had never had fancy cheese before, so she was fairly new to it.

And the Japanese garden was absolutely beautiful, just lush with foliage and more people than I thought there would be, but it was thoughtfully laid out and I loved the meandering paths. It would be a great place to hang out for a few hours and sit and think, if one were by themselves and inclined to do such things. The tea place (the Umami cafe, which will never not remind me of umami tits, which will never make anyone but Jet and me laugh) was also lovely, very modern, and I really appreciated that they had pre-paired small bites with tea, so it was very easy to get something that would offset it nicely, which was good for me, as I don’t know overly much about Japanese sweets. I got the genmaicha, which I really love for the earthy roasted flavors it provides, with a little manju cake, which was just this side of too sweet for me but actually worked really well with the genmaicha’s deep flavor, so that was a fun unexpected pairing!

Best: Either Chizu or Bad lesbian advice, which was me cosplaying Haruka and Michiru and was an experience, and by ‘an experience,” I mean neither Jet nor I could fucking breathe at times we were laughing so hard, and have sprung off a million inside jokes that we will laugh about until we die. (Jet, if you’re reading this, I want you to know I can hear you with my Senshi EYES and my senshi HEART)

Saturday:

Most surprising: After taking Jet and Mike to El-Masry, we just discovered that Mike just has a general passion for middle eastern food! This is the second middle eastern place I’ve taken them, and Mike loves the flavors and spices (I do too--never met a style of middle eastern cuisine I don’t like) so I’m working on trying to find other middle eastern places they can go.

Also that I preferred the Chinese garden to the Japanese garden. The Japanese garden was gorgeous and I cannot recommend enough seeing both if you’re ever in Portland, but the Chinese garden is an architectural model, a tiny oasis in the middle of a massive city, and the detail work on all of the building and pathways absolutely captured me, the scents of the garden and the floral arrangements we were lucky enough to be there for, the entire thing almost felt a dollhouse made by a master, a small space transformed into something so much bigger than its own footprint, it had an immense quality to it.

The teahouse was excellent too, though I think I preferred the tea I got at the Japanese place (This was the fault of me trying something new because the tea menu was much larger, and I just find chrysanthemum tea middling, as it turns out.) The teahouse was done in a more old-world style than the sleek lines of the Japanese tea house, which was very modern, and I am very old world myself in a number of ways, and more is more, and I loved the carved dark woods and gilded edges of frames peeking out at me.

ALSO JET BOUGHT A BIG GIRL COAT. We finally just fucking went to Macy’s and I got to have her and Mike buy coats, and I got to talk about cut and fashion and fabric and I fucking live for that shit, i was a bouncy happy little ball in the men’s outerwear section.

Best: Dinner at Nomad. I’m struggling to find the words to describe Nomad, and if I finish all my writing chores for the month, I may sit down and write out course by course my impressions of the entire meal. Jet was legitimately surprised to see me in a suit, though she was really nice and did compliment me on it, because I haven’t worn a suit in years and it was a little odd for me, too. Joyce the bartender was an absolute delight and one of my favorite elements of Nomad, so kind and funny and excellent. The food itself was simply art. It’s so difficult to describe how a few mouthfuls can really speak to you, how it can bring the essence of everything down to one moment, and be perfect in that moment.

Also, note for the next trip I go on: I NEED A FOOD NOTEBOOK TO WRITE IN. I have a very strong memory but no one has total recall.

I have never been a volume eater, and eating for eating’s sake doesn’t really interest me--part of the reason my mom started teaching me to cook is that I was underweight. Because food was boring and I was ready to go run around instead of sitting and eating, and I didn’t care about missing dessert because sweet is just another thing I’ve had, even as a kid. So she started to teach me and I got into food as construction, as art, as something that CAN be interesting and that’s how I got into cooking. Nomad takes that idea of food as art, and elevates it about anything I’ve ever had, even the restaurant with one Michelin star I’ve been to, although I would argue that Nomad would EASILY and HANDILY get a Michelin star if Portland was included in the Michelin reviews.

Anyway you’re not asking about me and the food, you’re asking about me and Jet. It was so wonderful and interesting to talk about the food with her, to get her impressions, we laughed over how she’s so visual, and I’m really not, I’m very texture and scent based, as far as things having an effect on flavor. We sometimes had totally different impressions of things! Including one time where she thought a puree of different beans and vegetables tasted like peanut butter, because it looked like peanut butter, and I swear I looked at her with INTENSE CONFUSION, because it was neither sweet nor nutty--I guess it was fatty like peanut butter, and coated your tongue, but lots of things do that. So we really laughed about that. We got a little table just on the edge of the kitchen, where I could watch them work even though we weren’t at the “chef’s table” so that was such an extra little delight. I think that was the best time I’ve ever had with jet, out of A LOT OF TIMES, but it was just a really nice extended evening with really nice cocktails and fun dress and good company and we made it last all night and it was just one of the best nights of my entire life.

Sunday:

The best thing about me going home is always the Ramen Of Sadness, which is Kizuki Ramen, which is fucking great and I cannot recommend enough, I go to a ramen place in every city I visit (that has one) and Kizuki is my favorite. I always get the chicken rich ramen and the cedar sake, because they are both fucking amazing.

SURPRISE I DON’T GET TO GO HOME.

So the melting pot was the surprise, and I was fucking tired and frayed at both ends because THEY KEPT MY BAG AND I HAD TO SCROUNGE TOGETHER A KIT AT TARGET, but the Melting Pot ended up being such a nice way to end the night, WHERE JET WAS TOTALLY NOT SORRY ABOUT ALL THE MARSHMALLOW THINGS IN THE FONDUE PLATE, it was warm and happy and it’s a silly chain restaurant but one I’ve always wanted to try, and we had a great night there laughing with our server and our lyft driver and we just had an amazing time.

Not to get gross or ‘have a feeling in public’ as the children say, but it was just really nice to have a week with Jet, and it was nice that it was a surprise for her and she had no time to hype herself up worrying about the house being clean enough, so she got to just enjoy me being there and we got to just have fun, and I will always really cherish it, and I can’t wait for our road trip.

[scarletjedi]

My wife, gentlepersons

Brig was already aboard the boat when Gimli and Legolas arrived, attending the rigging for the simple sail and making ready to depart.@brydylcai​: All of the writing asks because I worry you don't have enough to do

so. 

all the ones I haven’t answered yet. Behind the cut because long

1. Tell us about your WIP!

Heh, which one? I’ve started writing chapter three of We Are Made Wise because I’m finally getting over my block (I think there was a little burnout). I’ve just updated Old Man Luke, and Pineapple 2 is next. I’m almost finished with my next original short, I’ve figured out where to go next in my novel, and...yeah. :)

2. Where is your favorite place to write?

Where it’s quiet and I can focus. Sometimes that’s the living room. Sometimes it’s my office. Sometimes it’s the Starbucks on the corner. 

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals?

Depends on where I am. I have to have some sort of ritual to get focused. In my office, I light candles. In the living room, I put on music. At the coffee shop, I have a snack. 

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

My original character, Jamie, from my book is a HOOT. He’s a gay Jewish teen whose convinced that *he* will be the one to capture definitive proof of the Jersey Devil. He’s the non-magical pov in the fic, and his voice is fun. 

7. Favorite/most inspirational book?

Well, on the one hand, I re-wrote the Hobbit, so that’ book is clearly an inspiration. 

8. Do you have any writing buddies or critique partners?

@brydylcai is my in-house sounding board, the same way I am for her. I don’t have a regular beta, but I’ve worked with several depending on the project/story, and they’re all lovely people. 

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

I love revelations/coming out stories. I hate deliberate misunderstandings. 

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with

@brydylcai and I have discussed writing a book together already, so Imma go with her :)

11. What are you planning to work on next?

I have the doc with We Are Made Wise open, so either that or my next short, depending on if I write more tonight or wait until tomorrow. 

12. Which story of yours do you like best? why?

Comes Around Again is the one that earned me what little notoriety I have, and Old Man Luke is doing the same in Star Wars, but I’m most proud of Drowned in Moonlight. That fic was written to excise some grief over Carrie Fisher, and I think I did her proud. 

13. Describe your writing process

I’m tempted to say “Incoherent screaming into the void” but that’s a joke that’s been made before. My process. Hmm. 

I tend to write by the seat of my pants. I like to see what develops and grows naturally. Once I get to a certain point, I’ll stop and make a plot sheet/note page, but I usually have the rough shape figured out before I start to write. 

Once I have a draft, I’ll edit. Sometimes I’ll print and edit on paper. Sometimes I edit online. My original works tend to get more editing than my fanworks. 

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)

ha ha ha ha - My original novel has been 15 years in the works, and has gone through many drafts. It’s working now, but I need familiarity. So, I think what I need is research for context and an outline for plot, and a good enough knowledge to feel like I’m winging it. 

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

I put it down. If I’m not confident on one project, I’ll put it down and turn to another. (This usually means putting down my original work in favor of fanfic, because I’m more confident with that overall, but...). I know what sounds right to my ear, and if I’m not hearing it, there’s usually a reason. Distance/time often lets me see it. 

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing?

I’m a Jersey Girl, so I tend to set things in Jersey. I love dramatic conversations, so I’m comfortable there. Queer characters. 

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

That I wrote? Or that I read? Twilight/50 Shades. 

19. How do you cope with writer’s block?

I beat it with a hammer unitl it’s writer’s pebbles. 

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

Write what you love. Write the truths that you know, and research to write the things you don’t know. Don’t be afraid to break your characters; you can put them back together in new and interesting ways. You’ll be given a lot of advice over the years--read enough to recognize what you like. Develop your taste. Take the advice that helps taylor your work to your taste. Reject the advice that changes it away. 

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

Subtle meanings and implications. 

22. Tell us about the books on your “to write” list

Here are 3:

a) The Lesbian Werewolf Romance Novel. 

b) The Teenage Zombie Novel. 

c) The American-Teenager-Falls-Into-Fantasy-Realm-and-there-are-also-dragons novel

23. Most anticipated upcoming books?

Jer Keene’s next book. I read the first as fic, and then read the novelization, and now I REALLY want to know what comes next. 

The Kingkiller Chronicles book 3

25. What’s your worldbuilding process like?

Seat. Of. My. Pants and flailing. Seriously, I write something because it sounds right, and then figure out how it works after. 

26. What’s the most research you’ve ever put into a book?

I wrote parts of CAA with the hobbit, the lotr, the unfinished tales, and the moves on and open in front of me. 

I became a pagan, and my research for that has influenced my writing of my book. 

27. Every writer's least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

I mentioned I was pagan? My patron, Brigid, is among other things, a muse. She pokes, and I start thinking (or I think, and she eggs me on. I’m not sure of the order. could be either or both). But, most of my ideas come from things I read. When I want inspiration, I read. 

Ideas don’t come as easily as I would like, but the fact that I have several projects at once means that it comes easily enough. 

28. How do you stay focused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?

I have a hard time focusing period, so that’s a challenge. I have put effort into being less jealous because it’s ultimately a useless exercise. 

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published?

I want to be published like JK Rowling or Stephen King - one thing that gives my financial security, or with enough frequency to do the same. 

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

tbh, i read mostly fanfic these days. Most Genre fic makes me angry because there’s something missing from the text. it’s usually women/gay people. 

31. Top five favorite books in your genre?

scifi/fantasy

a) American Gods - Gaiman

b) Foundation/Elijah Bailey mysteries - Assimov

c) The Hobbit

d) Guards!Guards!

e) Years of Rice and Salt

32. On average how much do you write in a day? do you have trouble staying focused/getting the word count in?

Depends. There are days i can’t get a word out. There are days I’ve written about 10k. It depends on if I’m having a good focus day. 

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?

long. 

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

....like what?

35. Post the last sentence you wrote

““The things I do for the greater good,” Gimli grumbled, his frown softening as Legolas’s laugh rang out to echo through the cavern. “

36. Post a snippet

from Old Man Luke, chapter 11 (probably):

Obi-Wan stood just to the left of the closed door, hand stroking his beard ad the sight of those assembled. It took all of his focus to keep his eyes from growing wide, or let his hands tremble the way they wished to.

Before him, sitting at a conference table, was Asajj Ventress (scowling at the table like a chastised Padawan, though she had submitted to the indignity of the locking cuffs easily enough), and the adult twinned children of Anakin Skywalker.

Luke sat much as he had before, calmly and with no outward signs of concern, reminding Obi-Wan uncomfortably of his own master. Leia sat back from the table, her arms crossed and her expression sardonic. She, too, was apparently unconcerned, if outwardly exasperated, and Obi-Wan knew that if hadn’t already been told, he would be able to see the resemblance between father and daughter in a heartbeat.

Still, Obi-Wan had the distinct and uncomfortable sensation of not quite living up to her expectations.

The bulk of her resentment, however, was aimed directly at the only other occupant of the room—Anakin.

Their father.

Obi-Wan needed a drink.

37. Do you ever write long handed or do you prefer to type everything?

I write long-handed when I’m having focus issues. It’s slow enough to make me focus. 

38. How do you nail voice in your books?

I talk to myself. Out loud. Constantly. 

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire?

When I read, I’m known to stop and think “that was a perfectly crafted sentence!” or “How did they do that?” 

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies?

all of them. They’re all awesome, though in different ways. 

41. Are there any books you feel have shaped you as a writer?

Harry Potter. I’m not sure how, but I’m sure it has. 

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied?

Depends on how fully formed the story was in my head before I started. Fanfic gets 2 - rough and beta. Original fic gets rough, first, second, etc

43. How do you deal with rejection?

Badly at first. Then it evolved into a desire to prove them wrong. 

45. First or third person?

Third. 

46. Past or present tense?

Past. 

47. Single or dual/multi POV?

Depends on the needs of the plot. 

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?

the first is what I do. The second is what I’d like to do. 

49. Favorite fictional world?

A Galaxy Far, Far away. (Then Middle Earth). 

50. Do you share your rough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished?

depends on the fic. I like to show things to @brydylcai, but only in the fandom’s she’s in. I have been known to invite friends into docs as I’m writing, so...

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?

I’m more open than I used to be about fanfic. I’m less talkative about my original works. 

52. Who do you write for?

She knows who. 

53. What is the first line of your WIP?

Of this chapter: “Brig was already aboard the boat when Gimli and Legolas arrived, attending the rigging for the simple sail and making ready to depart.”

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written?

my book begins with a ghost hunt. that’s fun?

55. How do you manage your time/make time for writing? (do you set aside time to write every day or do you only write when you have a lot of free time?)

I try to set aside time while not working, but i also tend to write in whatever little moments I have. Between classes, standing in line, etc. 

[lesbianrewrites]

The Martian Chapter 6

*disclaimer* This is a project done for fun, and none of these characters/works belong to me. I do not claim to own any of the material on this page.

This is a Lesbian edit of The Martian by Andy Weir.

Chapters will be posted every day at 2pm EST.

Google doc version can be found here. The chapter can also be found under the cut. Enjoy!

CHAPTER VI

Venkat returned to his office, dropped his briefcase on the floor, and collapsed into his leather chair. He took a moment to look out the windows at his scenic view of the Johnson Space Center.

Glancing at his computer screen, he noted 47 unread emails urgently demanding his attention. They could wait. Today had been a sad day. Today was the memorial service for Maia Watney.

The President had given a speech, praising Watney’s bravery and sacrifice, and the quick actions of Commander Lewis in getting everyone else to safety. Commander Lewis and the surviving crew, via long range communication from Hermes, gave eulogies to their departed comrade from deep space. They had another ten months of travel yet to endure.

The Director had given a speech as well, reminding everyone that space flight is incredibly dangerous, and how we will not back down in the face of adversity.

During preparation for the service, they’d asked Venkat if he was willing to make a speech. He’d declined. What was the point? Watney was dead. Nice words from the Director of Mars Missions wouldn’t bring her back.

“You ok, Venk?” came a voice from the doorway.

Venkat swiveled around. “Guess so, ” he said.

“You could have given a speech.”

“I didn’t want to. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t want to, either. But I’m the director of NASA. It’s kind of expected. You sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Good, ” Teddy said, walking in. “Let’s get back to work, then.”

“Sure, ” Venkat shrugged. “Let’s start with you authorizing my satellite time.”

Teddy leaned against the wall with a sigh. “This again.”

“Yes, ” Venkat said. “This again. What is the problem?”

“Ok, run me through it. What, exactly, are you after?”

Venkat leaned forward. “Ares 3 was a failure, but we can salvage something from it. We’re funded for five Ares missions. I think we can get Congress to fund a sixth.”

“I don’t know, Venk…”

“It’s simple, Teddy, ” Venkat pressed on. “They evac’d after six sols. There’s almost an entire mission worth of supplies up there. It would only cost a fraction of a normal mission. It normally takes 14 presupply probes to prep a site. We might be able to send what’s missing in three. Maybe two.”

“Venk, the site got hit by a 175 km/h sandstorm. It’ll be in really bad shape.”

“That’s why I want imagery, ” Venkat explained. “I just need a couple of shots of the site. We could learn a lot.”

“Like what? You think we’d send people to Mars without being sure everything was in perfect working order?”

“Everything doesn’t have to be perfect, ” Venkat said quickly. “Whatever’s broken, we’d send replacements for. The only thing that needs to work is the MAV. And we’d have to send a fresh one anyway.”

“How will we know from imagery what’s broken?”

“It’s just a first step. They evac’d because the wind was a threat to the MAV, but the Hab can withstand a lot more punishment. It might still be in one piece.

“And it’ll be really obvious. If it popped, it’d completely blow out and collapse. If it’s still standing, then everything inside will be fine. And the rovers are solid. They can take any sandstorm Mars has to offer. Just let me take a look, Teddy, that’s all I want.”

Teddy looked down, “You’re not the only guy who wants satellite time, you know. We have Ares 4 supply missions coming up. We need to concentrate on Schiaparelli Crater.”

“I don't get it, Teddy. What's the problem here?” Venkat asked. “I’m talking about securing us another mission. We have 12 satellites in orbit around Mars, I’m sure you can spare one or two for a couple of hours. I can give you the windows for each one when they’ll be at the right angle for Ares 3 shots-“

“It’s not about satellite time, Venk, ” Teddy interrupted.

Venkat froze. “Then… but… what…”

Teddy looked down. “We’re a public domain organization. There’s no such thing as secret or secure information here.”

“So?”

“Any imagery we take goes directly to the public.”

“Again: so?”

“Maia Watney’s body will be within a twenty meters of the Hab. Maybe partially buried in sand, but still very visible, and with a comm antenna sticking out of her chest. Any images we take will show that.”

Venkat stared. Then glared. “This is why you denied my imagery requests for two months?”

“Venk, come on-“

“Really, Teddy?” he said. “You’re afraid of a PR problem?”

“The media’s obsession with Watney’s death is finally starting to taper off, ” Teddy said evenly. “It’s been bad press after bad press for two months. Today’s memorial gives people closure, and the media can move on to some other story. The last thing we want to do is dredge everything back up.”

“So what do we do, then? She’s not going to decompose. She’ll be there forever.”

“Not forever, ” Teddy said. “Within a year, she’ll be covered in sand from normal weather activity.”

“A year?” Venkat said, rising to his feet. “That’s ludicrous. We can’t wait a year for this.”

“Why not? Ares 5 won’t even launch for another five years. Plenty of time.”

Venkat took a deep breath and thought for a moment.

“Ok, consider this, ” he said. “Sympathy for Watney’s family is really high. Ares 6 could bring the body back. We don’t say that’s the purpose of the mission, but we make it clear that would be part of it. If we framed it that way, we’d get more support in Congress. But not if we wait a year. In a year, people won’t care any more.”

Teddy rubbed his chin. “Hmm…”

Mindy stared at the ceiling. She had little else to do. The 3am shift was pretty dull. Only a constant stream of coffee kept her awake.

Monitoring the status of satellites around Mars sounded like an exciting proposition when she took the transfer. But the satellites tended to take care of themselves. Her job turned out to be sending emails as imagery became available.

“Master’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering, ” she grumbled to herself. “And I’m working in an all-night photo booth.”

She sipped her coffee.

A flicker on her screen announced another set of images were ready for dispatch. She checked the name on the work order. Venkat Kapoor.

Posting the data directly to internal servers, she composed an email to Dr. Kapoor. As she entered the latitude and longitude of the image, she recognized the numbers.

“31.2°N, 28.5°W… Acidalia Planitia… Ares 3?”

Out of curiosity, she brought up the first of the 17 images.

As she suspected, it was the Ares 3 site. She’d heard they were going to image it. Slightly ashamed of herself, she scoured the image for any sign on Maia Watney’s dead body. After a minute of fruitless searching, she was simultaneously relieved and disappointed.

She moved on to perusing the rest of the image. The Hab was intact; Dr. Kapoor would be happy to see that.

She brought the coffee mug to her lips, then froze.

“Um…” she mumbled to herself. “Uhhh…”

Quickly bringing up the NASA intranet, she navigated through the site to the specifics of the Ares missions. After some quick research, she picked up her phone.

“Hey, this is Mindy Park at SatCon. I need the mission logs for Ares 3, where can I get ‘em?... Uh huh… uh-huh…. Ok… Thanks.”

After some more time on the intranet, she leaned back in her seat. She no longer needed the coffee to keep awake.

Picking up the phone again, “Hello, Security? This is Mindy Park in SatCon. I need the emergency contact number for Dr. Venkat Kapoor… Yes, the Director of Mars Missions… Yes it’s an emergency.”

Mindy fidgeted in her seat as Venkat trudged in.

“You Mindy Park?” He asked, looking mildly annoyed.

“Yeah, ” she quavered. “Sorry to drag you in.”

“I’m assuming you had a good reason. So?”

“Um, ” she said, looking down. “Um, it’s. Well. The imagery you ordered. Um. Come here and look.”

He pulled another chair to her station and seated himself. “Is this about Watney’s body? Is that why you’re shook up?”

“Um, no, ” she said. “Um. Well… uh.” She pointed to the screen

Venkat inspected the image. “Looks like the Hab’s in one piece. That’s good news. Solar array looks good. The rovers are ok, too. Main dish isn’t around. No surprise there. What’s the big emergency?”

“Um, ” she said, touching her finger to the screen. “That.”

Venkat leaned in and looked closer. Just below the Hab, beside the rovers, two white circles sat in the sand. “Hmm. Looks like Hab canvas. Maybe the Hab didn’t do well after all? I guess pieces got torn off and-“

“Um, ” she interrupted. “They look like rover pop-tents.”

Venkat looked again. “Hmm. Probably right.”

“How’d they get set up?” Mindy asked.

Venkat shrugged. “Commander Lewis probably ordered them deployed during the evac. Not a bad idea. Have the emergency shelters ready in case the MAV didn’t work and the Hab breached.”

“Yeah, um, ” Mindy said, opening a document on her computer. “This is the entire mission log for Sols 1 through 6. From MDV touchdown to MAV emergency liftoff.”

“Ok, and?”

“I read through it. Several times. They never threw out the pop tents.” Her voice cracked at the last word.

“Well, uh…” Venkat said, puzzled. “They obviously did, but it didn’t make it in to the log.”

“They activated two emergency pop tents and never told anyone?”

“Hmm. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, no. Maybe the storm messed with the rovers and the tents autodeployed.”

“Um, ” Mindy stammered, “So after autodeploying, they detached themselves from the rovers and lined up next to each other 20 meters away?”

Venkat looked back to the image. “Well obviously they activated somehow.”

“Why are the solar cells clean?” Mindy said, tears forming. “There was a huge sandstorm. Why isn’t there sand all over them?”

“A good wind could have done it?” Venkat said, unsure.

“Did I mention I never found Watney’s body?” She said, sniffling.

Venkat’s eyes widened as he stared at the picture. “Oh…” he said quietly. “Oh god…”

Mindy put her hands over her face and sobbed quietly.

“Fuck!” Director of Media Relations Annie Montrose said. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

Teddy rubbed his forehead. “How sure are we of this?”

“Nearly 100%, ” Venkat said.

“Fuck!” Annie said.

“Not helping, Annie, ” Teddy said.

“Do you have any idea the magnitude of shitstorm this is gonna’ be?” She retorted.

“One thing at a time, ” Teddy said. “Venk, what makes you sure she’s alive?”

“For starters, no body.” Venkat explained. “Also, the pop-tents are set up. And the solar cells are clean. You can thank Mindy Park in SatCon for noticing all that, by the way.

“But, ” Venkat continued, “her body could have been buried in the Sol 6 storm. The pop tents might have autodeployed and wind could have blown them around. A 30km/h windstorm some time later would be strong enough to clean the solar cells but not strong enough to carry sand. It’s not likely, but it’s possible.

“So I spent the last few hours checking everything I could. Commander Lewis had two outings in Rover 2. The second was on Sol 5. According to the logs, after returning, she plugged it in to the Hab for recharging. It wasn’t used again, and 13 hours later they evac’d.”

He slid a picture across the table to Teddy.

“That’s one of the images from last night. As you can see, Rover 2 is facing away from the Hab. The charging port is in the nose, and the cable isn’t long enough to reach.”

Teddy frowned. “She must have parked it facing the Hab or she wouldn’t have been able to plug it in, ” he said. “It’s been moved since Sol 5.”

“Yeah, ” Venkat said, sliding another picture to Teddy. “But here’s the real evidence. In the lower right of the image you can see the MDV. It’s been taken apart. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have done that without telling us.

“And the clincher is on the right of the image, ” Venkat pointed. “The landing struts of the MAV. Looks like the fuel plant has been completely removed, with considerable damage to the struts in the process. There’s just no way that could have happened before liftoff. It would endanger the MAV way too much for Lewis to allow it.”

“Hey, ” Annie interrupted. “Why not talk to Lewis? Let’s go to CAPCOM and ask her this shit directly.”

Venkat looked to Teddy knowingly. After a few moments, Teddy sighed.

“Because, ” he said. “If Watney really is alive, we don’t want the Ares 3 crew to know.”

“What!?” Annie said. “How can you not tell them?”

“They have another ten months on their trip home, ” Teddy explained. “Space travel is dangerous. They need to be alert and undistracted. They’re sad that they lost a crewmate, but they’d be devastated if they found out they’d abandoned her alive.”

Annie looked to Venkat. “You’re on board with this?”

“It’s a no-brainer, ” Venkat said. “Let ‘em deal with that emotional trauma when they’re not flying a spaceship around.”

“This’ll be the most talked-about event since Apollo 11, ” Annie said. “How will you keep it from them?

Teddy shrugged. “Easy. We control all communication with them.”

“Fuck, ” Annie said, opening her laptop. “When do you want to go public?”

“What’s your take, ” he asked.

“Mmm, ” Annie said, “We can hold the pics for 24 hours before we’re required to make them public. We’ll need to release a statement along with them. We don’t want people working it out on their own. We’d look like assholes.”

“Ok, ” Teddy agreed, “put together a statement.”

“This is so fucked up, ” she said.

“Where do we go from here?” Teddy asked Venkat.

“Step one is communication, ” Venkat said. “From the pics, it’s clear the comm array is ruined. We need another way to talk. Once we can talk, we can assess and make plans.”

“All right, ” Teddy said. “Get on it. Take anyone you want for any department. Use as much overtime as you want. Find a way to talk to her. That’s your only job right now.”

“Got it.”

“Annie, make sure nobody gets wind of this till we announce.”

“Right, ” Annie said. “Who else knows?”

“Just the three of us and Mindy Park in SatCon, ” Venkat said.

“I’ll have a word with her, ” Annie said.

Teddy stood and opened his cell phone. “I’m going to Chicago. I’ll be back later today.”

“Why?” Annie asked.

“That’s where Watney’s parents live, ” Teddy said. “I owe them a personal explanation before it breaks on the news.”

“They’ll be happy to hear their daughter’s alive, ” Annie said.

“Yeah, she’s alive, ” Teddy said. “But if my math is right, she’s doomed to starve to death before we can possibly help her. I’m not looking forward to the conversation.”

“Fuck, ” Annie said, thoughtfully.

“Nothing? Nothing at all?” Venkat groaned. “Are you kidding me? You had 20 experts working for 12 hours on this. We have a multi-billion dollar communication network. You can’t figure out any way to talk to her?”

The two men in Venkat’s office fidgeted in their chairs.

“She’s got no radio, ” said Chuck.

“Actually, ” said Morris, “She’s got a radio, but she doesn’t have a dish.”

“Thing is, ” Chuck continued, “without the dish, a signal would have to be really strong-“

“Like, melting-the-pigeons strong-“ Morris supplied

“-for her to get it.” Chuck finished.

“We considered Martian satellites, ” Morris said. “They’re way closer. But the math doesn’t work out. Even SuperSurveyor 3, which has the strongest transmitter, would need to be 14 times more powerful-“

“17 times, ” Chuck said.

“14 times, ” Morris asserted.

“No it’s 17. You forgot the amperage minimum for the heaters to keep the-“

“Guys, ” Venkat interrupted. “I get the idea.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry if I’m grumpy, ” Venkat said. “I got like 2 hours sleep last night.”

“No problem, ” Morris said.

“Totally understandable, ” Chuck said.

“Ok, ” Venkat said. “Explain to me how a single windstorm removed our ability to talk to Ares 3.”

“Failure of imagination, ” Chuck said.

“Totally didn’t see it coming, ” Morris agreed.

“How many back-up communication systems does an Ares mission have?” Venkat asked.

“Four, ” Chuck said.

“Three, ” Morris said.

“No, it’s four, ” Chuck corrected.

“He said back-up systems, ” Morris insisted. “That means not including the primary system.”

“Oh right. Three.”

“So four systems total, then, ” Venkat said. “Explain how we lost all four.”

“Well, ” Chuck said, “The primary ran through the big satellite dish. It blew away in the storm. The rest of the backups were the MAV.”

“Yup, ” Morris agreed. “The MAV is, like, a communicating machine. It can talk to Earth, Hermes, even satellites around Mars if it has to. And it has three independent systems to make sure nothing short of a meteor strike can stop communication.”

“Problem is, ” Chuck said. “Commander Lewis and the rest of them took the MAV when they left.”

“So four independent communication systems became one. And that one broke, ” Morris finished.

Venkat pinched the bridge of his nose. “How could we overlook this?”

Chuck shrugged. “Never occurred to us. We never thought someone would be on Mars without a MAV.”

“I mean, come on!” Morris said. “What are the odds?”

Chuck turned to him. “One in three, based on empirical data. That’s pretty bad if you think about it.”

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice, ” Annie said. “We have an important announcement to make. If you could all take your seats, ”

“What this about, Annie?” A reporter asked. “Something happen with Hermes?”

“Please take your seats, ” Annie repeated.

The reporters mingled a bit, argued over seats for a short time, then finally settled down.

“This is a short, but very important announcement, ” Annie said. “I won’t be taking any questions at this time, but we will have a full press conference with Q&A in about an hour. We have recently reviewed satellite imagery from Mars, and have confirmed that astronaut Maia Watney is, currently, still alive.”

After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.

“I’m getting sick of daily press conferences, ” Venkat said.

“I’m getting sick of hourly press conferences, ” Annie countered.

“Sorry I’m late, ” Teddy said, entering the crowded press room. Managers from every department stood shoulder to shoulder in the back, while reporters crammed the pit.

Teddy pulled some flash cards from his pocket, then cleared his throat.

“In the nine days since announcing Maia Watney’s survival, we’re received a massive show of support from all sectors. We’re using this shamelessly every way we can.”

A small chuckle cascaded through the room.

“Yesterday, at our request, the entire SETI network focused on Mars. Just in case Watney was sending a weak radio signal. Turns out she wasn’t, but it shows the level of commitment everyone has toward helping us.

“The public is engaged, and we will do our best to keep everyone informed. I’ve recently learned CNN will be dedicating a half-hour segment every weekday to reporting on just this issue. We will assign several members of our Media Relations team to that program, so the public can get the latest information as fast as possible.

“We have adjusted the orbits of three satellites to get more view time on the Ares 3 site, and hope to catch an image of her outside soon. If we can see her outside, we will be able to draw conclusions on her physical health based on stance and activities.

“The questions are many: How long can she last? How much food does she have? Can Ares 4 rescue her? How will we talk to her? The answers to these questions are not what we want to hear.

“I can’t promise we’ll succeed in rescuing her, but I can promise this: The entire focus of NASA will be to bring Maia Watney home. This will be our overriding and singular obsession until she is either back on Earth, or confirmed dead on Mars.”

“Nice speech, ” Venkat said as he entered Teddy’s office.

“Meant every word of it, ” Teddy said.

“Oh, I know.”

“What can I do for you, Venk?”

“I’ve got an idea. Well, JPL has an idea. I’m the messenger.”

“I like ideas, ” Teddy said, gesturing to a seat.

Venkat sat down.

“We can rescue her with Ares 4. It’s very risky. We ran the idea by the Ares 4 crew. Not only are they willing to do it, but now they’re really pushing hard for it.”

“Naturally, ” Teddy said. “Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. What’s the idea?”

“Well, ” Venkat began, “It’s in the rough stages, but JPL thinks the MDV can be misused to save her.”

“Ares 4 hasn’t even launched yet. Why misuse an MDV. Why not make something better?”

“We don’t have time to make a custom craft. Actually, she can’t even survive till Ares 4 gets there, but that’s a different problem.”

“So tell me about the MDV.”

“JPL strips it down, loses some weight, and adds some fuel tanks. Ares 4’s crew lands at the Ares 3 site, very efficiently. Then, with a full burn, and I mean a full burn, they can lift off again. It can’t get back to orbit, but it can go to the Ares 4 site on a lateral trajectory that’s, well, really scary. Then they have an MAV. This would require a massive design and construction effort, but JPL says they can make it happen.”

“How are they losing weight?” Teddy asked. “Don’t they already have it as light as it can be?”

“By removing safety and emergency equipment.”

“Wonderful, ” Teddy said, “So we’d be risking the lives of six more people in a very dangerous landing, re-liftoff, re-landing process.”

“Yup, ” Venkat said. “It would be safer to leave the Ares 4 crew in Hermes, and only send the pilot down with the MDV. But that would mean giving up the mission and they’d rather risk death.”

“They’re astronauts, ” Teddy said.

“They’re astronauts, ” Venkat confirmed.

“Well. That’s a ludicrous idea and I’ll never ok it.”

“We’ll work on it some more, ” Venkat said. “Try to make it safer.”

“Do that. Any idea how to keep her alive for four years?”

“Nope.”

“Work on that, too.”

“Will do, ” Venkat said

Teddy swiveled his chair and looked out the window to the sky beyond. Night was edging in. “What must it be like?” He pondered. “She’s stuck out there. She thinks she’s totally alone and that we all gave up on her. What kind of effect does that have on someone’s psychology?”

He turned back to Venkat. “I wonder what she’s thinking right now.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 61

How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals! Makes no sense.