#there was a lovely woman across from me but she got discharged before my surgery

[aliwonderland]

the other occupants on the ward are all older men who are at least twice my age, and piss on the bathroom floor, which is super fun to deal with lmao but there is one empty bed so fingers crossed for someone fun

[chaoticpuff17]

Heartache

ADG Jin

masterlist

Hello my darlings! Here is the last of our dear hyung line for ADG! And a very happy birthday to the one and only Kim Seokjin!--- chaotic puff

Jin was bored. The hospital he worked at when he wasn’t sewing up bullet holes for Joon had become less and less stimulating as time went by. He was beginning to regret his decision to go into cardio instead of trauma. Trauma surgeons were at least never born. Why was he even still working here? It wasn’t as though Joon didn’t pay him well. The hospital was a distraction from work, but it had lost its appeal. It was all rather boring these days.

Besides, the hospital being boring, he had too much shit to do at the organization. The clear out had everyone running in circles, and he was getting more injuries to take care of at headquarters because of it. He was too busy to be working both jobs still.

“Dr. Kim!” One of the nurses, he couldn’t remember her name, walked up with a chart in hand. “I have the chart for the case you’re taking over for Dr. Lee.”

“What case?”  He sighed already bored with the new case, and he hadn’t even seen the chart yet. It was probably some eighty year old man coming in for a valve replacement anyway.

“Kim Hayan. Twenty nine years old. Suffers from Congenital Heart Defect.” The nurse began to rattle off. “She’s been a patient of Dr. Lee’s since she was a child. There’s a small hole in her right ventricle that has become worse with age. Dr. Lee was planning to go in and fix it surgically.”

“Twenty nine with heart defect?” He asked reaching for the chart which was immediately placed into his hand.

“The hole has caused an arrhythmia, and Dr. Lee thought there was a risk of endocarditis.”

“And he wants to do surgery?” He asked frowning as he looked over her chart. There was a loop monitor in her chest inserted a few years back to monitor the arrhythmia, and she had a history of syncope caused by the arrhythmia. The chart made her seem like very fragile woman. She’d been in and out of doctor’s offices her whole life.

“It’s his recommended course of treatment at this stage.”

“And he retired before he could do it himself?” He scoffed handing the chart back. “I thought he’d been treating her since she was a kid?”

“He did, but he thought you could handle the case well enough.”

His mood soured at that. Well enough. Dr. Lee was an old fool, but he had the audacity to criticize Jin’s medical expertise when he was hoisting off patient’s he’d known their entire lives onto doctors that he thought could do “well enough” instead of staying to handle it himself.

“Well let’s go meet Miss Kim then.”

They walked to the room written down on the chart only to hear the sound of laughter echoing down the hall. When they got to the room they found a group of nurses laughing with the patient. The young woman sitting on the bed was not what he had been expecting. She was thin and pale with a bluish tinge to her skin and lips a result of poor circulation caused by her poor heart. He could see the sharp angles of her collar bone peeking out of the hospital gown that nearly swallowed her whole. The oversized cardigan that was draped over her didn’t help make her seem any less fragile and small. She just looked so tiny and birdlike. She looked like a stiff breeze could knock her over.

There were tubes and wires sticking out of every part of her body, but she had a bright smile on her face anyway. Her smile lit up the room. It was a scrunchy urchin smile that took over her whole face and made her eyes sparkle, and everyone in the room laughed with her. And god those eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes Jin had ever seen. They sparkled and even in the harsh light of the hospital room.

Jin was nearly knocked over when she turned those gem like eyes on him, her smile falling into a more gentle expression as she took him in.

“You here to fix my heart, doc?” She asked tilting her head to one side breaking into that urchin smile again.

Jin had never been more nervous for a surgery, not even when he had been pulling a bullet out of Namjoon. Kim Hayan was an angel. She was a sweet little angel who lit up any room she was in, and the entire hospital staff adored her.  He adored her. How could he not? He doubted even the most sour person on the planet could hate her. Even Namjoon who was in a constant fury over Y/N’s recent escape would have been enchanted by her.

His nerves though had begun to affect those around him. Even though everyone was in an uproar about Y/N’s escape and the cleansing of the organization, somehow Jin’s absent mindedness had made its way to Namjoon’s attention, something akin to a miracle these days.

“You alright, hyung?” Namjoon asked sitting back in his office chair as he glowered at his wedding picture. He’d been a pain ever since Y/N had left. He was churlish and overtired. The man needed some proper rest. He’d find Y/N, but he couldn’t do it if he wasn’t at a hundred percent.

“I’m fine, Joon.” He answered with an absent smile, but his mind was going over the procedure he’d have to perform on his precious Hayan soon. It was a simple enough procedure, but he couldn’t fuck it up, not when Hayan was involved.

“You don’t seem fine. You’ve been in the clouds these days.”

“Really, Joon. I’m alright.” He assured trying to wrench his focus back to the present. “Any news of Y/N.”

“No.” Namjoon growled scrubbing his hands over his face. “She’s a slippery little minx.” He laughed though the sound held no actual humor.

“You’ll find her, Joon.”

“I’m going to fucking murder Tuan when I get my hands on him.” He snarled. “But you and I both know you’re not okay, hyung. What’s going on?”

“I have a surgery tomorrow.”

“At the hospital?” Jin nodded. “What’s so special about that?”

“It’s not a special surgery, but,” He hesitated trying to figure out the words to describe his situation, to describe her. “The patient is special.”

“A woman?” He asked raising an eyebrow. Jin nodded again a blush dusting his cheeks. “A beautiful woman?”

“She’s an angel.” He sighed scrubbing a hand over his features much like Joon had done only a few minutes earlier. “You should see her, Joon. She’s such a fragile little thing, but she lights up the whole room.”

“You like her.” Joon stated leaning forward.

“She’s a literal angel.” Jin sighed a dopey smile lighting up his face.  

Namjoon nodded in understanding. He knew that feeling. He had that feeling when he’d first met Y/N. Granted he never thought she was an angel. Y/N was never an angel. She was a hellion. But he knew right away that she was his, and by the looks of it, Jin had that feeling too.

“What’s wrong with her?” Namjoon asked. It wouldn’t be good for anyone if her condition was serious. Namjoon didn’t want Jin finding his one only to lose her on his own operating table. “Is it serious?”

“She has a Congenital Heart Defect. A hole in the right ventricle. I have to go in and fix the hole.”

Namjoon nodded again. “You think she’ll be alright?”

“She will be if I don’t fuck up this surgery.”

Namjoon frowned leaning forward resting his arms against the desk. “What if she’s not strong enough for you? You said it yourself. Her heart is weak. What about children? Would she be able to safely have them?”

“She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of that.” Jin frowned as well not liking where this was going. Hayan was perfect. Of course she would fit right in. She had Jin to help her through. “I’ll take care of everything. And after the surgery she should be perfect. It’s why I’ve been so in my head.” He sighed. “I don’t want to fuck this up, not when it comes to her. I’ve been going over the procedure in my head over and over again.”  

“You’ve done this before?” Jin nodded. “Then it’ll be fine. You’re a good doctor, hyung.”

“I have to be. It’s for her.”

“Well, then. It sounds like you’re sure. What’s her name?” Joon asked allowing a grin to stretch across his features.

“Hayan. Her name is Hayan.”

“How’s my favorite patient today?” Jin asked waltzing into the room with a bright smile stretched across his lips.

“I’m ready for this to be over.” She responded with a smile, though he could tell she was tired. She looked paler than normal, though her cheeks had a flush to them. Though the way the monitor spiked told him it was probably more because of him than anything medically wrong.

He was an attractive man. He knew that, and he was pleased to see that she knew that too.

“You feeling alright?” He asked coming over to check her temperature. “Any chest pains? Fever?”

“Nope.” She replied with a smile. “I’m ready for surgery, doc!” He loved that smile.

“No family?” He asked noting the empty room. There was never anyone but hospital staff there when he came to check on her.

“No. They’re working.” She looked down picking at the hospital blanket nervously. “They’ll come pick me up after I’m discharged though.” She added on quickly pasting on a smile.

“They’re not coming to visit you? You’re about to have surgery.” Jin frowned in displeasure as he looked down at her.

“They’re busy. I’ll see them when I’m discharged.”

Jin’s frown deepened. “And who’s going to be looking after you when you’re discharged?”

“I’ll stay with my parents for a week or so and then I’ll go home!” She smiled brightly looking up at Jin with big hopeful eyes.

Jin didn’t like the sound of that at all. Why was no one taking care of his sweet girl? How could her family be so careless with her? Didn’t they know how fragile and precious she was?

“So today’s the day? You’re gonna fix it up? No more defective heart?”

Jin chuckled fondly at the question. “No more defective heart.”

She sighed with a content smile leaning back against the hospital pillows. “No more cold hands.” She laughed. Jin loved that sound. She had the most beautiful laugh. It was so pure and happy, just like her.

“You know what they say, cold hands warm heart”

She scoffed, but there was still a smile on her face. “Bullshit. I’m so ready not to be cold for once in my life. Thank you, doc. I honestly thought this day would never come.”

Jin could feel his own heart skip a beat. Thanks to him. He was going to fix her heart. He was going to make sure she pulled through this. It was a simple enough procedure, but no surgery was ever without risk. She would be fine though. She had to be fine. It was his job to take care of her, and he’d be damned if he didn’t do just that.

“You know the first thing, I’m going to do when I’m recovered is travel.” She told him, her smile so wide he was afraid her cheeks would crack. “I want to see the world. Get out of this city.”

Jin had to suppress another frown. How could she even think of doing such a thing? He thought hit was just her family was being stupid and had no regard for her safety, but did she have no regard for her own health either? No. That would never do. He wasn’t going to fix her up only for her to go and put herself in harm’s way again. But he would indulge the thought for now.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Everywhere. I’ve never been anywhere before. I want to see the world while I’m still young enough to enjoy it. And thanks to you, I no longer have an excuse not to.”

Well that wasn’t going to happen. There was too much risk for a fragile thing like her. She needed proper care, and a comfortable home.

“Well, let’s get you through today, okay?”

“I trust you, doc.” There was that urchin smile again. “My heart’s literally in your hands after all.”

Thankfully, the surgery was a success. The whole was closed, and Hayan was recovering nicely, which should have been a good thing, but Jin was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. Within a few days she would be released from the hospital into the care of her family. She’d be gone from him then. They were going to take his angel way from him, and Jin couldn’t let them do that.

They couldn’t take care of her as well as he could. She was such a fragile little thing.  How could they possibly look after her? And after a few weeks she’d be cleared to be on her own. Who would look after her then? No, none of it sat well with Jin. She was too fragile to be out on her own. What if something happened? What if her heart deteriorated again? Who would look after her?

No, Jin couldn’t allow that. He had to take care of her. She was too sweet, too fragile to be left alone. Anything could happen to her.

“I can’t let her go, Joon. I can’t.” He was panicking pacing back in forth in his friend’s office. “She has no proper care. Her family hasn’t even come to see her. And she wants to travel?” He ran a hand through his hair. “What if something happens to her?”

“What are you talking about?” Joon asked setting aside the papers he had been looking at.

“Hayan. She’s being discharged in a few days into her moronic family’s care.” He hissed plopping himself into one of Joon’s chairs. “She wants to go, travel the world alone. Anything could happen to her.”

Namjoon nodded understandingly. He had lost Y/N. He was still dealing with that trauma. He was beginning to understand that she would be harder to find than he originally thought. He spent every moment worrying over her and trying to find her. But he wouldn’t love her if she wasn’t his little hellion.

“You love this girl?” He asked steepling his fingers as he regarded his friend curiously.

“I think she’s the one.”

“Then take her.” Namjoon shrugged. “You want her? She’s yours. Who’s going to stop you?” Namjoon leaned forward dark eyes glinting wickedly. “I’ll make sure no one touches you, or her. It’ll be nice to have another girl in the family. Y/N could use a friend when she gets back. Besides, you deserve a family, hyung.”  

“Take her…” Jin mused already thinking of ways he could bring her home.

“Take her.”

Hayan unlike Jin was thrilled. She would be released from the hospital soon, and knowing that there was no longer an ever widening whole in her heart was like a weight lifted off her shoulders. She didn’t have to have the monitor in her chest now either. Yes, she was going to have scars, but she had plenty of those. She was going to wear the scar trailing down her chest like a badge of honor, and scars from the monitor as well.

She was free. Free of the arrhythmia. For once in her life her heart was keeping up sinus rhythm on its own. Free of the cyanosis. Maybe for once in her life she wouldn’t be cold. She had been cold for as long as she could remember. Her circulation was poor and as a result she was always cold especially her hands. For once in her life, she wanted warm hands, to be warm in general.

It was a just a few short days, and then she could go home. She wanted that so badly. She was sick of hospitals. She’d been in and out of hospitals her whole life, poked and prodded, stuck with needles, put through every test imaginable. She just wanted to be done with it all.

This doctor wasn’t so bad though. Dr. Kim, the doctor who had performed the surgery, wasn’t so bad. And he was lovely to look at. He was looked like a doctor from those medical dramas on TV. He had no business being as attractive as he was. Those shoulders that seemed to go on for days and those flying kisses should be illegal, and it was beyond unfair when she was hooked up to heart monitors, and he could see every spike in her heart rate. But he never pointed it out. He smiled at her as though nothing at all was wrong. He was the single nicest doctor she had ever had, and that was saying something considering the endless parade of them she had seen in her life. No other doctor had ever sat and talked with her like Dr. Kim did. He seemed genuinely interested in her as a person and not just as a medical problem. He made her feel seen.

She never felt seen. Her whole life had been a bubble. Her parents didn’t want her to get too stressed because of her heart. They didn’t want her being too active because of her heart. She couldn’t eat certain foods, she couldn’t go too far from home. Whenever her parents looked at her, it felt like they were looking at a diagnosis and not a person. Yes, they loved her, but they didn’t love her like a parent should love a child. Or perhaps they treated her like a child too much. She was a fully grown woman. She would be thirty next year. But they still treated her like the little girl who they wouldn’t play tag or take dance class.

She just wanted a normal life, and if that meant getting away from her parents to do it, she was going to do it. As soon as she was recovered from the surgery and didn’t need help, she was gone. She wanted to travel, do all the things she hadn’t been allowed to do before. She was a grown woman. She wanted to act like one for once. She craved the freedom to do what she wanted without having to worry about syncope or arrhythmia or the damned hole in her ventricle. Nothing was quite so sweet to her as knowing her heart was keeping a normal rhythm all on its own.

Everything was going so well, until it wasn’t.

Her health seemed to take a turn out of nowhere. She’d spiked a fever of a hundred and three. The nurses were in and out in a fury trying to control her fever and find the source of it. Dr. Kim was in and out as well, checking on her with a gentle smile as she fell further and further into fever delirium.

Jin couldn’t have been more pleased by the results of his labor. He was carefully monitoring her, to make sure there wasn’t too much strain on her still healing heart and that her fever didn’t rise too high. But the Phenytoin was doing its job nicely. The fever had everyone, including him, concerned of course. Fever came with risks, but he needed a plausible excuse for her sudden and tragic “death”. Once she was out of the hospital and at the clinic at headquarters the hospital would send word to her family that she had passed on due to complications with her surgery. It’s not like they had come to visit her anyway. Why would they question the word of a respected surgeon? And Hayan? She would be safely in his care where she belonged.

With a little tampering with the monitors, Kim Hayan was officially dead in the eyes of the hospital, and Jin was free to move his sweet girl to his clinic at headquarters where he could bring her fever down and settle her into his home.

Hayan was in hell. Her dreams were plagued by the colorful haze and terrible images that so often characterized fever dreams. Moments of clarity in the past few days had been few and far between, but the one thing she could remember was Dr. Kim. Whenever she could catch a break from the haze, he was there. The doctor should have been comforting, but she was scared, so scared. Whatever this was, it felt like death, or closer to death than she had ever been before.

In one moment of clarity, she found herself in a car, or a van of some sort, attached to a stretcher with the doctor seated next to her.

She reached out grabbing his arm as she stared at him with eyes made bright by the fever. “Am I dying?” She whimpered, scared.

The doctor smiled gently prying her hand off his arm and placing it back on the stretcher. “Hush, sweet girl.” He cooed moving her bangs away from her sweaty face. “You need to rest. Everything will be fine.”

Jin quickly filled a syringe with a mild sedative sending her back into a peaceful sleep.

The next time she pulled out of the haze it was only partially, like fighting to come back up after anesthesia. But she could make out the blurry figures of two men and hear them talking.

“Is this her?” The first man spoke. “She’s beautiful, hyung. How is she?”

“She’s coming down from the fever. The Phenytoin should be out of her system soon, and her heart seems to be doing well. It’s holding a steady rhythm. The incision is still healing, but it’s coming along nicely as well.”

“I’m glad, hyung. Do you have the house ready for her?”

“It’s getting there. I’ve been a little busy with her. She’s still recovering.”

“I can send Miss In over to help with the house. It would be nice to have the house ready before you brought her home.”

“Thank you, Joon. I’d appreciate that. She got Y/N’s rooms ready for her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She did a good job.”  

“Keep a close eye on her, hyung. You don’t want to let her get away. Keep her home while she recovers. I’ll have Tae prep a tag for her.”

“I will, and thank you, hyung.”

“Jin. She’s awake.”

One of the figures moved closer placing a cool hand on her forehead. “Hello, sweet girl.” It cooed. No, not an it, the doctor. “It’s okay. You’re still detoxing.” He smiled down at her. “You must be tired, sweat heart. Get some rest, okay?”

“No.” She groaned trying to pull away from him. She might have been feverish and not all there, but she could still tell that something wasn’t right. “No…”

He sighed moving to prepare another mild sedative. He couldn’t have her getting agitated. It wasn’t good for her recovery.

“Nurse!” She called out voice shaky and weak, panicky as she looked around for someone, anyone who could help. “Nurse!”

“Hush now, sweet girl.” He cooed pushing the sedative into her system. “You’ll feel better soon.”

Hayan was in and out of it for days. It had come to the point where she wasn’t sure it was the fever or the medication that was continuously flooding her system.

The next time she was fully aware, she found herself not in a hospital bed but a normal one. The mattress was much too comfortable to be a hospital bed. They were always stiff and uncomfortable. This bed was soft and warm and much too big to be a hospital bed. The room was much too big to be a hospital room too. This was a house, and not one that she recognized. Her house certainly didn’t have medical equipment in any of the bedrooms.

There was an IV in her arm attached to a bag of what she hoped was saline. There were also leads attached to her trailing out to a monitor. A heart monitor. Her house didn’t have hospital grade monitor. It didn’t have any monitor. There was even one of those little oxygen monitors on her finger. It was the first to come off.

Each piece of medical equipment was methodically ripped or peeled off by her shaky fingers. It was easier to peel off the sticky pads of the monitor than to detach the leads. Her fingers just didn’t have the strength. The IV was not something she was looking forward to, but she grit her teeth and pulled it out anyway ignoring the blood that welled up once it was out.

Once she was detached from everything, she pushed the heavy covers and climbed out of bed on shaky limbs. Everything was a little fuzzy still. The room was spinning, but she pressed on using the furniture as a crutch as she made her way to the door.

Much to her relief, the door was unlocked, but she didn’t know where to go. She didn’t even know where she was. She stumbled blindly down the hallway trying to find her way, trying to find someone to help her, but every step was exhausting.

“Hayan!” A surprised voice called. She turned to see the doctor, her doctor, standing behind her with a tray of food in hand. “What are you doing out of bed?”

He placed the tray down on the table in the hallway and made his way towards her his brow scrunched up in worry. His frown only deepened as she scrambled back from him.

“Hayan?” He snapped forward looping an arm around her waist to keep her from falling. She was so unsteady on her feet still. She never had a chance to properly recover from her operation, and then the fever had taken so much out of her, not to mention the after effects of the sedatives that he had been using to keep her calm and rested while she detoxed. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, sweetheart.” He scolded gently scooping her up despite her weak protests. “Shhhh. We need to get you back to bed. You’re not fully recovered yet, sweetheart.”

“Please.” She whimpered as he placed her back in bed tucking her in under the duvet. “Please..”

“Hush, sweetheart.”

He smiled down at her tutting over the detached monitors and IV. He’d have to reinsert that. The monitor would be easy enough though.

“What were you thinking, sweetheart? You know better than to push yourself when you’re in recovery.” He chided gently.

“Please, Dr. Kim.” She begged. “Where am I?”

“You’re home, silly girl.” He chuckled moving her hair out of her eyes.

Her eyes were wide and scared as she stared at him. This wasn’t normal. This was not where she was supposed to be. This was not how a doctor was supposed to behave.

“No.” She whispered pushing him away, pushing the blankets away. “Please. Please let me go, I want to go home.”

“This is home, sweet girl.” He sighed prepping a new IV for her. “Where else would you go?”

She stared at him, trying to figure out how the sweet doctor she knew had turned out to be this crazy. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. Shit like this didn’t happen in real life.

While he was picking out a needle, she threw the blanket off and scrambled as best she could out of the bed.

“Shit.” She heard him curse behind her.  

Within seconds, she was swept off her feet again and plopped back onto the bed. “You’re going to hurt yourself, sweetheart.”

“No!” She shrieked fighting against his hold even though her limbs felt like lead.

“I didn’t want to do this, sweet heart.” He sighed yanking her legs down the bed and strapping them down so she couldn’t jump up again. He couldn’t have her hurting herself.

Her arms were the next to be strapped down. He couldn’t have her thrashing if he was going to reinsert the IV. He didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary, but she was proving difficult. For such a fragile thing, she had a lot of fight in her.

“I need you to calm down, sweet girl.” He cooed hooking her back up to the saline drip. “You don’t want to put too much strain on yourself when you’re still recovering.”

“Please!” She begged as he reattached the heart monitor pleased to see the green lines jump on the screen. Her heart rate was elevated, but it was steady. So long as she calmed down, he didn’t have too much to worry about.

He frowned watching as she thrashed against her restraints. She was working herself up too much. He sighed searching for a sedative. She needed to be calm. Everything would be better when she was calm. He didn’t like seeing her upset like this. It wasn’t good for her. She couldn’t put too much strain on her heart. It was still healing.

He pushed the sedative watching with a mix of sadness and relief as she relaxed back into a drug induced haze. He didn’t want to keep her sedated, but if that was what it took to keep her calm while she healed and adjusted to her new home. He couldn’t risk losing her. He saw the toll that Y/N’s disappearance had taken on Namjoon. He didn’t want to go through that. He couldn’t lose Hayan. He wouldn’t lose Hayan. He was going to protect her, even if he needed to protect her from herself.

If Hayan had thought the fever was hell, this was worse. The fever had kept her dazed and in pain, but the drugs made her fuzzy. It was like living in a fog. She always felt heavy, dizzy, and the only one there was Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Always Jin. He was like her own personal nightmare.

He came to her with smiles and sweet words and a sedative to keep her docile. The restraints were gone at least. After the first week, he had removed the restraints from her hands. After the second, all that was left was a singular band around her left ankle. It was connected to a long thin chain anchored into the bottom of the bed. It at least allowed her the freedom to get out of bed if she had the strength and the clarity to do that. The drugs made her weak as a kitten, but Jin seemed to enjoy her that way. Her time with Jin had taught her that he thought of her as fragile. He was constantly fretting over her health.

The only advantage to Jin was that he at least monitored her recovery from surgery. She hated him, but he was a good doctor, she had to admit that. She needed checkups. She needed not to be constantly drugged, but she also needed to make sure her heart was doing well. If she had any hope of getting away from him, she needed to be healthy.  But she wasn’t going to be doing much running when she had a chain keeping her attached to the bed.

“Hello, sweet heart!” He cooed walking into the room a smile on his face. He always had a smile on his face, as though he was happy to see her, but she was never happy to see him. He frightened her to the core of her being. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine.” She whispered bringing her knees up to her chest as she curled in on herself.

“Are you in any pain?”

“No.” She whispered curling into herself trying to make herself as small as possible. She knew that if she cooperated he would leave her alone or at least he wouldn’t sedate her as much.

“Come here, sweet girl.” He cooed becoming her forward even though they both knew she wasn’t going to uncurl herself. He gave her a minute anyway though hoping that she would come to him on her own. She didn’t, and instead Jin gently pulled her forward uncurling her from the ball she’d made herself into. “I need to check on your incision. Just the incision.” He promised. “And your pulse.” He added on after with an apologetic smile.

“Okay.” She whispered trembling as he helped her shrug off her robe and pull off her pajama top so he had a clear view of the scar.

They did this every day. He’d take a look at the scar make sure it was healing. He’d apply a cream to it to help the scar fade, and then she’d be allowed to cover back up again. She’d fought him the first few times, but there wasn’t much she could do while she was restrained. Now, it was just easier to let him go about his business. She was just so tired all the time.

“It’s looking good.” He hummed in approval giving her a sweet smile. “You’ll be healed up in no time, sweet girl.” She shivered, and Jin had to struggle to keep his smile up.

She looked so small and scared these days. He hated seeing her so frightened, but he had to be strong. Joon assured him that she would come around eventually. She’d realize he was just trying to look out for her, to take care of her. At least she was safe. At least she was with him. It was a relief she was no longer screaming and crying. She was still sedated most of the time, but he no longer had to sedate her to the point that she was completely out of it. Those had been the worst days for him. He hated seeing her restrained and loopy, but it had been for the best. He didn’t want her hurting herself, so it had to be done.

She was calmer these days though. She no longer cried every time she was lucid. He hated seeing her cry. It was painful for him to see her upset. Each tear was like a knife to his heart. This wasn’t supposed to be upsetting. This was supposed to be peaceful and safe. They’d get there though. It would just take some patience. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes Joon had made with Y/N.  He couldn’t.

He had already put measures in place to keep her with him in case she did try to escape. He’d already inserted one of Tae’s tracking tags in the back of her neck while she was knocked out from the sedatives. If she didn’t know it was there, she couldn’t remove it. The house was also in the same area as Namjoon’s estate. While Jin’s home was not as grand, it was still gated. He’d keep the doors locked for now, but Miss In had done a lovely job of making the house wife ready.

All of the boys had certified bachelor pads except for Namjoon who had Miss In to make his home lovely and lived in. Miss In was a miracle worker though. She’d been at that house longer than any of the boys could actually say. It seemed as if she’d been there forever, and she’d worked her magic over his home.

The question would be if Hayan would like the house or not. So far she hadn’t left their bedroom, but that was more his decision than hers. He thought she was ready to see the house though. She’d been cooped up long enough, and he hated seeing her chained up.

Hayan’s head shot up as his hands went to her ankle carefully undoing the lock on her ankle. Smiling at her reassuringly as she stared at him with wide owlish eyes.

“Why don’t we go downstairs, sweetheart?” He offered backing away slightly to give her room to move on her own. “You need to get moving again. Build up your strength.” He moved back a bit more to give her even more room.

Slowly, shakily, she threw her legs over the edge of the bed. All the while she kept her eyes on him unsure if he was actually letting her free or not. But he made no move to help or hinder her only smiling encouragingly as she pushed herself up.

She felt like a new born foal as she stood up. She hadn’t stood on her own two feet for more than a few minutes since Jin had brought her here. But Jin didn’t touch her, forcing himself to keep still and watch her as she moved on shaky legs. He was ready to jump in at any time though if it seemed like she couldn’t keep her balance.

She stumbled using the furniture as a crutch before heaving a sigh and looking at him with a delightful blush brushed across her cheeks. “I think…” She paused taking a steadying breath as she forced the words out. “I think I need some help.” She admitted refusing to meet his eye and instead keeping her focus on the house slippers adorning his feet.

They were nice like everything in his house. What else could she expect from a doctor though? What else should she expect from a doctor with the resourced to kidnap a patient and get away with it?

“Of course, sweetheart.” He grinned pleased that she was willingly asking for his help.

Happily, he got up and made his way to her side. He took her arm in his and gently started to lead her out of the room. He let her set the pace moving slowly through the halls as he steered her towards the stairs.

He had a fire lit and coco ready for her. It would be a nice surprise for her. She was so often cold. He’d made sure that the fireplace was working before he brought her home. It was gas of course. He didn’t like the idea of an open flame. She could hurt herself on that, and a gas fireplace gave her the freedom to turn it on whenever she got cold. She’d enjoy that. At least he thought she would.

She brought them both to a halt at they reached the stairs, eyeing them warily. She already felt shaky enough, and she was sure that Jin could feel the way she was trembling like a neurotic Chihuahua. There was no way she was going to make it down those stairs anytime soon, not quickly, at least.

“Sweetheart?” Jin asked waiting patiently as Hayan glared at the stairs as though they had personally offended her. He gave her some time, but there was no response. “Would you like some help?” He prompted as gently as he could.

She nodded reluctantly, and Jin happily scooped her up into his arms to take them both down the stairs. It felt so good to have her in his arms. She flinched away from his touches normally, and he’d respected her space for the most part. He’d get nowhere forcing her, another lesson he’d taken from Namjoon. The idiot had ruined all of his progress with one forceful move. He couldn’t risk that with her. She wasn’t Y/N. She wouldn’t bounce back with fire and retribution. She was delicate, pure. Force would only force her to wilt like a flower plucked too soon.

He set her down on the sofa, making sure she was comfortable with a blanket tucked around her legs before settling himself down next to her, handing her a cup of coco.

“The sugar will help with the shaking, a little bit at least.”

She nodded slightly and took the mug sipping at the drink quietly as Jin watched her. She didn’t like his gaze. It was disconcerting. Everything about this was disconcerting. It was so fucked up. It was scary, psychotic even. She didn’t miss the way he looked at her, the softness in his gaze. He cared about her. He truly believed that, and that was scarier than anything to her.

She’d spent her whole life in a bubble, and there wasn’t much to do in a bubble except to read. Every romance toted the power of love. Love conquers all. Love moves mountains. The prince always comes for the princess. But what happens when love takes a darker turn, when it wasn’t the prince that came but the dragon? What were the boundaries? Every hero had a moral code, lines they wouldn’t cross, but Jin wasn’t a hero. There was no moral code. There was no set of rules and boundaries to keep the situation in check, to help her make sense of it all. There was only Jin, Jin and his sedatives and his stupid pet names.

“Why am I here? Why are you doing this?”

There it was, the question she had been avoiding ever since she’d woken up in his bed. She hadn’t asked partly because she was too drugged to string together a coherent thought and partly because she really didn’t want to know the answer, but she needed to know the answer.

His brows scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

He relaxed a dopey smile taking over his features. “Because I love you.”

She froze the mug slipping through her fingers in her shock. “What?” She whispered the panic coming off her in waves.

“Hayan!” He gasped jumping up and ripping the now soaked blanket from her lap. He swung her legs up onto the couch to keep her feet away from the glass shards. Telling her to stay still while he went to grab a towel and the trash to clean up the mess.

She knew it was stupid. She knew it was almost guaranteed to fail, but in this moment she didn’t care. He had just confirmed her every fear. So she ran.

She stumbled through the house in the direction she hoped the front door would be, knocking over things as she went. The drugs were still weighing her down, but she had to try.

“Hayan?” Jin’s worried voice rang through the house. “Hayan!” He called again confusion and a tinge of panic filling his tone. “Hayan!” His voice was closer now, and she was crying as she stumbled towards the door.

She made it, turning the knob only to release a choked sob when it didn’t budge.

“No!” She banged against the door screaming as she tried to make someone hear her.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Jin’s voice rang out softly from behind her his hands coming to gently rest on her shoulders as she continued to pound on the door. “It’s okay.” He murmured pulling her back and gently lowering them both to the floor as she sobbed. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I don’t… I don’t…” She sobbed into his chest letting him hold her as she released all of her panic and misery.

“I know.” He murmured into her hair rocking them both back and forth gently as he clutched her to his chest. “It’ll be better. I promise.”

She didn’t believe that for a moment.

“We’ll be better.”  He promised peppering kisses over her hair as she cried. “I love you, so much, sweetheart. We’re going to have a good life here. I promise you that. We’ll have a beautiful wedding, once you’re all better. I’ll introduce you to the boys. They’re going to love you so much. We’ll go out to the garden once the flowers bloom. I’ll take you to Joon’s garden too. His wife adores that garden. She spends hours there. We could spend hours there too. There are so many flowers and a koi pond.”

She shuddered in his arms sobs dying off into whimpers as what little adrenalin she had, left her system. She had no more fight to give, only exhaustion.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but it’s going to be alright.”

Jin sat there with her, rocking her side to side until she went completely limp in his arms. Once he was sure she was asleep, he lifted her up and carried her back upstairs to tuck her into bed.

He sighed looked at her all tucked up into bed looking so broken. He didn’t want that for her. He never wanted that for her.

“Sweet dreams, sweet heart.” He whispered placing a lingering kiss on her forehead. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”  

[ilikeoneshots]

Keep Moving - Bakugou Katsuki

I had thirty minutes left on my patrol shift so I started making my way back to my agency. I hadn’t been feeling too hot the last couple days and I was completely exhausted.

I was about two block away from the agency when I heard the explosions behind me. I quickly turned and saw smoke billowing into the sky from the business district. I quickly launched myself into the sky and made my way toward the havoc.

“(H/N) in business district. Three unknown assailants caused an explosion of some kind. I don’t see any injured civies,” I call into my radio.

“Copy, (H/N). We’re sending someone in to cover you,” dispatch responded. I nodded to myself before descending upon the villains.

I dropped soundlessly behind one and rendered them unconscious with a rudimentary sleeper hold. As the man collapsed, the other two took notice of me.

“What the fuck, dude?! You didn’t say this bitch would be around!” One said to the other.

“Yeah, well, how the fuck was I supposed to know?! Just take the bitch out!” The other man exclaimed.

“If you boys are done with this little show, we can do this one of two ways. One, you give up on this sad excuse of a robbery and come away quietly without any injuries. Two, I kick your asses and make a pit stop to the emergency room before going to jail. Which will it be?” I asked, boredom lacing my voice.

“Fuck you, you stupid bitch! You think you can take both of us?!” The first man screamed at me.

“Option two it is then,” I sigh before using my speed to appear behind him. He could barely turn to look at me before I kicked him into the wall they blew up moments ago. He groaned from his place on the ground. I turned toward the other man, “Would you like to reconsider?”

He snarled at me before using his quirk to shoot something at me. Did this dude have bullets coming out of his fingertips?!?

I dodged quickly and flipped over his head and landed behind him, catching him in a sleeper hold like the third member of their party. He flailed around, sending shots around wildly from his hands before he slumped into the hold. I restrained him quickly and went to make my way to the man I had kicked when I noticed he was gone.

“Dammit!” I groaned. It wasn’t more than a minute later that the police showed up to cart the two men away, “I’m sorry sir, the third man ran off. I’ll see if I can locate him quickly,” I said to the supervising officer.

I was about to go for the sky when I heard my name being called, I look around and see a familiar head of blonde hair and sharp red eyes. I smile and wave, my smile quickly turning into a look of confusion when I saw him blasting off full speed toward me and screaming something. I couldn’t figure out what he was screaming due to his explosions. I went to look behind me when I felt something sharp hit my side.

It felt like everything was going in slow motion. I look down and see the abdomen of my suit growing redder. I look back up and see the man from earlier holding an insanely long knife in his hand. He had a crazed look in his eyes. He was quickly tackled to the ground. I stumbled a bit before feeling arms wrap around me.

“(Y/N)! Hey, hey, hey. Look at me,” his voice sounded weird. I try to focus my eyes on him.

“Katsu? Did he just fucking stab me?” I groan.

“Shut up, stupid woman! We have to get you to the hospital!” He’s yelling, fear evident in his voice. He picks me up and I groan in pain once more.

“What a dick... who just stabs someone like that?” My voice comes out in a mumble. Katsuki isn’t paying my ramblings any mind as he runs me to the nearest hospital.

My mind is going in and out of consciousness as they place me on the gurney. I look over in one last moment of lucidity and see Katsuki with tears running down his cheeks and then I’m out.

I don’t know how long I’m out for but when I come to I instantly want to go back to sleep. The bright fluorescent lights make my head pound and I groan at the feeling. I feel something grab my hand and I force my eyes open again. The image of my husband comes into view.

“(Y/N)? Can you hear me?” I nod and motion to my throat, “Oh water! Hold on,” Katsuki leaves for a moment only to reappear moments later with a glass. I down in in seconds.

“Oh my God, that’s so much better,” I sigh.

“How do you feel?” He asks me in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

“Like I got stabbed with a machete,” I humorlessly laugh, “Okay, fill me in on what happened after they took me back?” I grunt as I try to sit up. Katsuki quickly helps me adjust before holding my hand in his vice-like grip again.

“Babe... something.. let me go get the doctor,” Katsuki said before leaving the room. I’m so confused, he’s not acting normally... I didn’t have time to ponder his odd behavior because he returned just as quickly has he left, doctor in tow.

“Morning, Mrs Bakugou. I’m Doctor Lin, I did your surgery last night,” The woman stated as she sat in the seat across from my bed, “A couple things happened while you were in surgery. Nothing life threatening but it is serious.”

I sit in silence as I listen to the woman drone on and on about what happened. She explains my wound, my blood loss, how I was lucky the blade didn’t actually hit any internal organs, but what really got me was a question.

“Ma’am, did you know you were pregnant?” I blinked at her a few times.

“What do you mean?” What did she just ask me??

“Oh, dear... I’m so sorry,” she stammered for a moment as she looked at the clipboard in her hands, “You were twelve weeks pregnant, Ma’am. I regret to inform you, but due to the blood loss, shock along with anesthesia and the surgery the fetus did not make it.”

I numbly look to Katsuki, he’s just staring at the doctor in front of us.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” she says before leaving the room. Katsuki is still frozen, staring at the seat the woman was just occupying.

“K-Katsu?” I whisper and he jumped back into reality and is holding me close to his chest, “I d-didn’t know! If only I had known! How did I not realize?!” I cry into his shirt. He’s rocking me back and forth, careful not to hurt my stitches.

“It isn’t your fault, you were doing your job. If I had gotten to you sooner, I could have kept that guy from getting away,” he’s mad at himself now... I pull away and place my hands on either side of his face, making his look at me.

“If I can’t blame myself, you can’t blame yourself,” I wipe the tears from his cheeks and he does the same for me. He kisses me softly as I sniffle.

“I’m sorry, you’re right,” he holds me close again, “I haven’t even really thought about wanting a kid, but hearing that we could have and now their gone...” I nod against his shoulder.

“I know what you mean...”

Two days later, I was discharged. The doctor informed me that I shouldn’t be surprised at any heavy bleeding and eventually I will ‘pass’ the baby. My anxiety levels were at an all time high, the thought of having to ‘pass’ my baby overwhelming.

I called my boss and informed her of my situation, we’re pretty close, and she gave me four weeks off. Enough time for the physical side of my miscarriage to end.

“Katsuki.. I know you don’t want to talk about this but...” I stop myself. I can’t bring myself to ask this, but I know I have to, “W-When it happens-“

“We’re going to bury it,” he says softly, he can read me like a book. He knows how hard this is on me, it’s hard on him too, “We can bury it underneath the cherry blossom tree in the backyard.” I nod silently.

“Do you think it would have been a boy or a girl?” I ask after we arrived home and settled on the couch, just wanting to hold each other.

“Not sure, why?” He hummed as he rubbed my shoulders

“I want to give them a name...” I say, fiddling with the end of my shirt.

He was quiet for a while and I assumed I went to far with the morbidity of the situation. I was about to say ‘forget it’ when Katsuki started to speak again.

“I’d like to think it would have been a girl. She would have had my eye color but your eye shape,” he smiled to himself as he imagined what our baby would have looked like, “I’d want her to have your hair texture and color too.”

“So you’d only want her to have your eyes?” I asked.

“I’d be perfectly happy with that,” he smiled down at me.

“I’d want her to have your smile,” I say as I turn slightly to give him a kiss.

“Sappy woman,” he grinned.

“Did you forget what all you just said?” He chuckled and playfully flicked my forehead.

“That’s besides the point, what name would you give her?” I hum as I think about it.

“We could call her Sakura, because of the cherry blossom tree,” I offer the idea.

“I do like that name, but are you sure you want to name her after the tree?”

“I know it’s not very original...” I mumble as I rest my head against his chest.

“No, I like it. We can call her Sakura,” he kisses my hair. I nod. We fall into a comfortable silence, every now and then I tense when I feel a cramp.

“I wish the other day had been different... if it had only happened an hour later... I would have been home and then we would have been able to meet Sakura in a few more months,” I say as the tears start flowing again. Katsuki rubs my back and shushes me softly.

“We can’t think about ‘what if’s. What happened, happened for a reason. It may not make any sense right now, but we can’t change it even if we wanted to. So now, we have to keep going forward and in the future if you want to we can try again,” his voice calms me.

“I love you, Katsu. I’m glad you’re with me. But, if I’m being honest, hearing you say such soft things is odd,” I admit. He scoffs at me.

“I’m not soft, I just love you,” he gently moves me as he gets off the couch, “You keep resting, I’m going to start dinner.”

~~

It’s been almost a year since we lost Sakura. If I’m being honest, I still get sad about it. I think Katsuki does too. But like Katsuki said, we can’t change the past so we have to keep moving forward. Which is what we’ve managed to do.

“Mrs Bakugou? Are you there?” The voice called out through the phone I had dropped. I scrambled to pick the device back up.

“Y-Yes! I’m here! I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.

“I said, the results came back. You’re pregnant.”

[scribbles97]

A Man’s Best Friend -- Part 1

@gumnut-logic this is entirely for you for all the help and love and wonderful fic you have given me and helped me with recently! This is only a very small way of paying you back and I hope you don’t mind me stealing your dog <3 

It was against everything he had ever meant for the little dog he had rescued from the singed and blackened bush of Australia. He had made a promise to look after her, to care for her and never ever leave her alone or abandoned. 

Except now, in order to care for Bo, Virgil was being forced to leave her. 

Sure, it was only for the day. He’d left her at home alone for the day before, that was no biggie, she knew that he always came back to her at home. 

Home wasn’t the vets office though. A place that he and Bo were both perfectly familiar with having visited plenty of times for her inoculations. As always she trotted in with a grin on her face, carrying her own lead that he hadn’t even bothered to try and wrestle off of her. 

Bo was probably just as stubborn as Scott. 

Virgil wondered just how the vet was going to manage her. 

As she jumped up to rest her front paws on the reception desk and greet the receptionist, Amber, something told him that perhaps she just might be as good as gold for anyone who wasn’t him. 

“Hello my gorgeous girl,” Amber grinned as she leant around her computer to fuss the dog’s ears, “You’re stopping with us today aren’t you?”

Virgil chuckled as he leant on the smooth varnished wood desk, “I hadn’t told her yet.”

The woman’s hazel eyes widened as she gasped comically at Bo, “Did your Daddy not tell you? Did he bring you out without any breakfast and--”

Bo barked in response, tail wagging as she looked from the receptionist to Virgil and jumped down from the desk. Sitting perfectly at his feet, she looked up, still wagging her tail.

“Well,” He sighed, “Now I’m in trouble, you said the B word.”

Amber chuckled, leaning back in her chair as she pushed her blue rimmed glasses up her nose, “I don’t doubt the nurses will dote on her hand and foot all day.”

He smiled, reaching out to ruffle the short fur of Bo’s head, as he glanced around the waiting room catching the eye of a labrador and something in a basket. 

“As long as all the other patients get just as much love and attention.”

It wouldn’t do any harm to keep Bo grounded as his parents had done he and his brothers. 

“The extra cute ones always get a little extra love.” Amber grinned flicking through something on a datapad before sliding it across to Virgil. 

“Take a seat and have a read over the consent form. The vet will come out for you shortly.”

He nodded, glancing to the information before looking back to Bo, “Come on girl.”

Her tail dropped slightly as she looked back to Amber, ignoring Virgil’s command completely as she turned back to the receptionist. 

“Bo!” He snapped as he took a seat away from the rest of the clients, “Here.”

She ignored him for a moment more, always insistent on doing her own thing, before turning and trotting across to sit at his feet. Virgil shook his head as he scratched her ears. 

“It’s a good job you’re cute.”

Pivoting on the spot, she rested her head on his knee, lifting one paw to scratch at him. He knew exactly what she was after, it didn’t matter which time zone they were in, she always knew when it was breakfast time. 

“You can have a special dinner tonight.” He told her, hoping it would be enough consolation and that she would forgive him. 

Her huff was loud as she sat up again, turning her attention to the labrador across the waiting room and watching as it wobbled into the consulting room. Virgil took the time to look back to the form Amber had given him, reading what her procedure that day would entail and filling out the appropriate contact details. 

He was slightly stunned when the next question asked where Bo preferred to go to the toilet. Looking back to her, he frowned, she went anywhere outside. Brains had even installed a chip in her collar which allowed the doors to open when she sat at them for more than thirty seconds. 

“We’ll just say outside, huh?” He shrugged. 

He had to chuckle at the next question on the list, what did she drink from?

“Anything.” He uttered, remembering the reason he had to always remember to put the toilet seat down those days. 

“I think your only behavioural problem is that you think you’re a human.” He snorted as she watched him with those big round eyes, “Don’t give me that look.”

For a moment he thought she was obeying him as she looked away and focussed on one of the consult room doors labeled as number three with the outline of a dog painted on the room. 

When Doctor Barrett stepped out, Bo wagged her tail and barked once. 

The man grinned, approaching her with hands spread wide, “Hey Bo, how’s our star patient doing?”

“You can say hi Bo.” Virgil prompted as the dog fidgeted on the spot, hind feet twitching in anticipation of seeing one of her favourite people. 

She hardly needed any more telling as she leapt forward towards the vet, sitting on his feet immediately and pawing at his scrubs. Tail wagging at ten to the dozen she barked twice at the man before flopping over onto her back, clearly demanding belly scratches. 

Virgil smiled as he shook his head at her, a couple of treats and a lot of fuss and on her first appointment for her vaccinations Luke Barratt had had Bo in the palm of his hand. Since then, Virgil had done his best to make sure she would allow the other vets to treat her too, but none of them got quite the reaction Luke had.

“It’s nice to know some of my patients love me.” Luke chuckled as he knelt down to fuss her before glancing up to Virgil, “How’s she been?”

Standing, Virgil nodded, “Good. She loves flying now and is getting used to the protective boots. We’ve not had any problems with border control or anything so the World Council have kept up their end of the deal.”

“Good stuff,” Luke smiled as he rubbed at her ears, “And been fine eating, drinking, going to the toilet?”

“All normal,” He nodded, “She knows when it’s time for food no matter where in the world she is.”

“A dog will never let you forget their dinner.” Luke agreed as he stood straight, “And no vomiting or diarrhoea recently?”

“Nope.”

Bo sat up, pawing at Luke again, demanding his attention. 

“One minute gorgeous,” Luke chuckled, “Lemme talk to your dad then you can have all my attention all day.”

With a groan she lay down at Luke’s feet, glancing back to Virgil as she let out a long, loud huff. 

“So,” Luke started, taking the datapad from Virgil and scrolling back to the top of the form, “She’s had bloods run recently. I wouldn’t worry about rerunning them today.”

Virgil nodded, he had wondered himself if the repeat sampling would be necessary. It was the first question at the top of his list, but Luke had clearly anticipated it coming. 

“We’ll give her what we call a premedication to relax her,” Luke glanced down and nudged Bo with his toe, “Not that she needs much relaxing.”

He chuckled, looking to her with a shake of his head, “Luke, I trust that whatever she needs you will see to.”

The vet smiled, scrolling down the datapad slightly and holding out to Virgil, “She’ll have a full anaesthetic for the procedure, and we’ll be removing the ovaries and uterus through a keyhole method.”

Virgil raised his eyebrows at the dog, “No babies for you.”

“Also reducing the risk of some cancers and a uterine infection that dogs are prone to.” Luke added, glancing to her again, “There are risks though.”

Virgil knew there were risks, knew it every time his brothers or himself got hurt and required surgery. No anaesthetic was completely safe, not for people, and not for animals. The procedure was necessary though, for her long term health, and if he wanted to have her with him on rescues. 

Luke’s face was serious as he reminded him of as much, apologising for going through what Virgil already knew. It was a legality though, something the vet had to do to protect himself in the long term just in case. 

“Okay,” Luke finally announced, making Bo jump to a sitting position, “All that’s left is for you to sort out payment with Amber and I’ll call you once she’s awake and arrange a discharge time.”

He was simply grateful that he’d be getting her back home in the same day. Not like when he and his brothers usually ended up in hospital for days at a time. 

Still, this was Bo, not one of his brothers. 

Not that she got preferential treatment or anything. 

“I hope she behaves for you.” He sighed reaching out to scratch her ears, “If not call me.”

Luke chuckled again, “We’ll be fine, won’t we girl?”

“Go on,” Virgil nodded as Luke turned to hold the consulting room door, “Go with Luke.”

So used to be taken down the back for health tests and checks, she hardly had to be told twice as she trotted after the vet, tail wagging as she went. 

Turning to Amber he smiled to her, waiting his turn as she finished with what sounded like a somewhat irate client on the phone. 

“You can’t please everyone, huh?” He sighed as she finally set the handset down. 

She rolled her eyes, “In this job, it seems like everyone’s a critic.”

Leaning on the corner of the desk he offered her a cheeky wink that was entirely more Scott’s style than his own, “Well I can promise you I’m not. You guys do a great job.”

Amber laughed as she held out the paypad, “You haven’t seen what she’s costing you yet.”

He shrugged at the number that came up in front of him, not because he had the money to spare either. 

“You guys are providing a service, and I know how much some of those drugs cost for people!”

Amber rolled her eyes, “Double the number and add a zero for the same drug to be licensed in animals, and that’s only cost price to us.”

He winced, “Ouch. How in hell do you guys manage with these prices then?”

“It’s a very fine line.” Amber murmured, tapping a button on her computer, “All gone through for you. I’ll see you when you come to get her this evening.”

Nodding he smiled, “I look forward to it.”

[burntmcnuggies]

A Hopeless Fight

Yandere Levi x Reader

Warning: this story contains blood, gore, and suggestive themes such as kidnapping, murder, non-consensual touching, forced sex, and drug usage. You guys have been warned! Now all of you who wanna read! Please enjoy! :D

Chapter One: Hopeful

“Morning (Y/N)!”

“Oh good morning deary!”

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Have you brought us treats again?!”

I laughed and smiled at all of the people greeting me as I walked into the hospital. I kneeled down to the kids and dig into my purse, pulling out their favorite candies. “Now don’t eat it all at once, small bites ok? And don’t make Dr. Zöe mad alright? Be good.” They thanked me enthusiastically and hugged me. I smiled warmly and hugged the poor little cancer kids back. A special connection was between me and those sick kids. My little brother had sadly passed away from cancer, and I promised myself one day I would help in the search for a cure, and help others. “There’s my favorite little visitor!” I looked towards the eccentric voice of my friend and gave her a teasing grin. There was something strange about her though, I couldn’t put my finger in it. “And my favorite doctor! How’s it going Hanji? Busy today as usual?”

“You know it! I really need your beautiful talent of manipulating people to help me get through some stubborn patients!” I sweat dropped at her semi-rude perception of my so-called “power” she believed I had. I was just honest, and respectful to all of the families with loved ones who are sick. Of course as I mentioned my brother had cancer, and the doctors did everything they could. If I had a chance, I would save others too! “An odd way of saying it, but yeah! Let’s go! I’m ready!” She gave me a grin and turned on her heel confidently, holding her clipboard and marching over to the elevator. I followed after her, looking around and smiling at the children and patients of the hospital. “First patient! 24 year-old woman in a coma. We need to do brain surgery but the mother won’t consent.”

“Come on, Hanji.” I took the paper from her clipboard and then grabbed another from the nurses desk. I was still only a med student, but my messy haired friend had already given me permission to visit and discuss procedures with patients and administer IV’s. “Give me something more challenging.” She chuckled and smiled before walking off to go see another one of her many patients. I walked into the room and closed the door slowly. “Hello ma’am.” I greeted the older woman who sat beside her daughters bed, just staring and holding her hand. She looked up and quickly wiped her eyes, squeezing her daughters hand tighter. “My name is (Y/N), and I’m a nursing med student in the area... I wanted to talk with you one last time about your daughters condition...”

—

“(Y/N)!!! You’re too good! You got the consent in under 5 minutes! That HAS to be a new record!” I grinned and laughed talking a sip of my water before picking up my sandwich again. I had visited at least 7 patients in a little under 2 hours and gotten the consent for major surgeries from all of them. I guess i really did have some sort of gift, or it’s just my way of persuasion. “Well I’m glad they all turned out to be ok. The first patient you gave me finally woke up from the coma... now some other nurses are giving her steroids and observing her.” I smiled warmly down at the table, feeling a warm bubbling sensation in my heart. It was that beautiful feeling of knowing I’d helped someone in need. I knew this was where I belonged. “Dr. Zöe, please let me be an oncologist here once I graduate med school!”

Hanji looked at me surprised, not expecting me to be so straight forward with her in asking such an important question. Honestly it was more like a statement. She smirked and set her food down. “Alright. Sounds good to me.” I looked at her surprised and started to tear up a little bit. Finally, the dream I’ve wanted ever since my brother passed was finally going to come true soon. All I have to do is finish med school in a couple weeks and I’ll have it! “Thank you so much Hanji... you have absolutely no idea how much this means to me...” She smiled and leaned over, patting my head as if I were some kind of dog. I continued to smile and cry in happiness, but my happiness was short-lived once I looked up at the news. It seems I wasn’t the only one paying attention.

“And now onto Chief Erwin Smith for a very important segment.”

“Goodmorning Trost. Heartbreaking news: the ashes of Dimo Reeves was found in the Trost landfill this morning at 3am by a nightly worker. All blood was drained from the body, and it’s clear there was evidence of torture and mutilation. There is also no sign of the other man that’d been missing for two weeks. If you knowing anything about their deaths or disappearances, please contact the number at the bottom of the screen.” My eyes widened in surprise. Dimo Reeves? He ran the largest chain of market in the states. Sina, Maria, and Rose! Without him then who is going to be the CEO of the Reeves company? And they still haven’t found the other guy? “I wonder why the police aren’t getting involved. I mean, shouldn’t they be investigating? People have been going missing and turning up dead left and right... the town is in a panic.” I looked down in sadness that all of those people had gone missing. It also scared me. None of the victims had anything in common. They didn’t even know each other. Rumor was the killer was possibly a hitman. I have no doubt that’s true. “In response to the many civilians wanting answers. We’ve put our best officer on the case, Corporal Levi Ackerman.”

“Oh I’ve heard of him...” Hanji mumbles and glares at the screen, pouting a bit while she sipped her drink I looked back up at the screen and watched as a rather short handsome young man walked onto the screen, standing beside the blond-haired chief. “Rumor is he’s the strongest man in the world. He’s cracked over a hundred cases and is very skilled in combat. Looks like they are stepping up the game.” Strongest man in the world, huh? He doesn’t look the part of the strongest man in the world, but I can’t judge much since I haven’t seen underneath his navy police uniform. There was something that unnerved me about him though. His eyes. A beautiful color indeed, but deep within, he was hiding something. But what? “Nobody stands a chance against him. He’s basically an S+ class detective.”

“My team and I will find this murderer, and bring him to justice. As a precaution we ask everyone to limit themselves of how much time they spend outdoors. Until we’ve caught the killer, it’s advised that every household has an armed weapon nearby.” I understand the need for that, but wouldn’t that cause suspicion and caution between neighbors? Knowing that the person right next door has a lethal weapon and can discharge it at will. Maybe I’m overthinking it. “Officers will be placed in every area as security. Thank you.” Shouts of gratitude and encouragement were thrown at the ebony-haired man as he walked off stage with his commanding officer. Something about him just wasn’t right. Murmurs filled the food court with gossip about Corporal Levi. Some praising how strong he was, others discussing how safe they felt with him being on the case of the murderer. “He seems confident... perhaps a little too cocky don’t you think? I don’t know... something just feels off about him.”

I failed to notice my friend flinch from across the table. “How exactly?” She asked in curiosity. I shrugged and stared at the man walking out of the view of the TV camera. What did i see him that made me so uneasy? “It’s his eyes. There’s something deep within them. Something almost... sadistic if you know what I mean? I’m probably just being paranoid.” Hanji clenched her fists and laughed off my explanation. She casually brushed my accusation to the side after that and picked up her phone to check the time. “You’re overreacting. He’s helped a lot of people. We should probably be heading back now. I have a surgery to oversee in twenty minutes. Think you can visit some of the cancer children while I’m away?” I nodded and picked up both our plates, kindly disposing of her food as well to help her save some time. When I turned around to say something she was gone. I raised a brow and gave a quick glance around the room. She must’ve gone to the OR already. Well, looks like I can go start my task too! I walked down the hallway with a smile on my face to give hope to the many ill patients. Sometimes a smile can give people hope and set them at rest.

Waiting for death is cruel. But giving people hope, can help them live up those last moments of presumed hopelessness to make themselves happy.

Hope makes people keep pushing. Which is why I will never give up.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Levi, we might have to do something about her earlier than I expected. She’s too smart for her own good.”

“Tch, couldn’t have let me prepare? I’ll be there in 20.”

[fluffyvillain]

The Bond

Chapter: 5/?

Summary: The time has come, Henry creates the bond

Pairing: Henry Cavill/OFC

Warnings: None

A/N: It is time for Henry to suffer

@ly--canthrope​ @vikingsbifrost​

3 YEARS LATER

 It was interesting to Mila how 5 years ago these meetings were one the biggest causes of stress for her and now they are simply boring, especially listening to everyone presenting their reports which she had already received via e-mail and analyzed them. The only interesting part was her colleagues suggesting new ways of improving their business, which was the case now. "Good, that's the spirit, let's bring summer to out kitchen. That's all I needed to hear, the rest is up to you. And, now, reservation and sales... We need to take more risk. I understand why you think that it's a good thing being fully booked in advance, why it makes you satisfied, it even makes planning easier,but it doesn't leave any space for yield management, we can't maximize our profit that way. Follow the occupancy rate and when you notice it reached, let's say 85% three weeks in advance, stop sales for those dates, then raise prices in last minute offer. Does it mean that we'll sell out for sure? Absolutely not. Is it worth the risk? I think it is. With this, I conclude today's meeting and in case I don't see you, have a nice weekend." She waited until everyone left to answer her private phone that wouldn't stop vibrating. "Hello?"

"Good morning, I'm calling from The Children's Hospital of New York, am I speaking to Mila Radcliffe?"

Cold sweat washed over her. "This is she, how can I help you?" Mila didn't even know any children, but she still got a good fright.

"You are a match for bone marrow donation for one of our patients, are you still interested in donation?"

"Yes, yes, of course. How soon can I do it?"

"We'd appreciate if you came tomorrow morning, you will leave the hospital in the evening. In this case, we will need to harvest your bone marrow, which means you will undergo general anesthetics. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes. What am I supposed to do now, how should I prepare?"

"You shouldn't eat anything after midnight and you can only drink a little bit of water. You should be at the hospital at 8AM, your surgery is scheduled at 10AM, so from the moment you enter the hospital, you shouldn't drink water anymore. Also, please, make sure you have someone who will take you home afterwords."

"Of course, I will do as you said."

"Miss Radcliffe?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"There's no reason to thank me. I'll be there tomorrow morning."

Mila called Ruth right away to see if she's available to pick her up tomorrow, she didn't want to call her aunt as that would mean listening to her worries from the moment she would've told her and Mila was pretty sure she would try to talk her out of it because of general anesthetics. Ruth, on the other hand, usually respected her choices no matter how risky they were and Mila considered her to be family too. Ruth confirmed that she was free to pick her up, but she also said she would be mad if she didn't get to drop her off too. Mila succumbed to Ruth's persuasion.

The next morning went as planned, except for the fact that Ruth didn't want to leave the hospital. "I'm going to wait until you get discharged."

"No, you won't. You are going to go home and I'll call you when I'm done." They were sitting in a waiting room.

"Mila Radcliffe?" A nurse holding a chart called her name.

"That's me," Mila walked over to her and Ruth followed.

"I'm going to take you to a room now and a doctor will soon be with you."

"Can I come with her too?"

"Of course, you can stay in the room the whole time. The surgery won't last long, but we need to monitor miss Radcliffe until late afternoon."

Ruth stuck out her tongue at Mila and she flipped her off behind the nurses back, an action that was followed by Ruth's blow of a kiss.

"This is it, make yourself comfortable." The nurse opened the door for them and went her own way.

Mila put on a hospital gown that was waiting for her on a bed. Just when she was folding her own clothes, she heard a sound of flash. "Really, Ruth?"

"I'm sorry, but I had to. Your butt looks so cute in that." Mila pulled the gown together, covering her underwear clothed behind. "You should think about including it in your wardrobe."

"Why did I even ask you to help me?" Mila set on the bed.

"Because," Ruth set next to her, "I'm your best friend and you love me."

The doctor joined them a few minutes later, asking Mila some standardized questions, checking her up, giving her a couple of more instructions before leaving. He came back for her 2 hours later with two nurses, rolling her bed to the OR, putting her to sleep.

When her eyes fluttered open, she noticed right away that she wasn't in the OR anymore, there weren't any bright lights placed directly above her.

"Hey, honey, how are you feeling?" Ruth held her hand.

"Thirsty," she tried to focus on her.

"Here, take some water." She helped hold a bottle. "Does it hurt anywhere?"

"Nope," Mila barely managed to sit up straight.

"Stop lying."

"Fine, my lower back hurts like a bitch."

"You know, I'm really proud of you most of the time," she kissed her forehead.

"Don't get all mushy on me now." She intertwined their fingers together.

They spent the next few hours until her discharge watching trashy reality shows, laughing their asses off, just like they did when they were younger. When the doctor came to check her up on her for the second time and allowed you to get dressed, it was clear that she was about to go home. S different nurse came to give her discharge papers and show them out.

"May I ask if the kid received the transplant yet?"

"He did, but it will take a couple more days for us to be sure if the treatment works. He is such a wonderful little boy, barely two years old. He got one of the most progressive types of leukemia and we were lucky that you were in the register. His mom said that she wants to meet you, if you want that too."

Mila exchanged a glance with Ruth who shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, why not?"

The nurse took them through a maze of hallways until they reached a room where the boy was lying. "This is him, I guess his mother will be right back. Once you are done, please, just follow the exit signs and you'll find your way out. Miss Radcliffe, you probably gave this child a new life."

Two of them bid goodbye with the nurse and then they glued their faces to the glass window of his room.

"This has to be the most beautiful child I've ever seen."

"Agreed," Mila pressed her hand on the window. "He looks so fragile, poor baby. You, are going to be okay, buddy."

"Excuse me, were you the one who donated bone marrow to my son?" A woman approached Ruth and it became clear to her right away why the boy was so beautiful, his mother was gorgeous.

"That would be my friend." Ruth stepped aside.

The face that Mila met was the one she could never forget, she couldn't move an inch due to initial shock.

"I could never thank you enough for what you did," Mila received a short hug. "You are my angel, you don't know what this means to me."

She moved to the glass and Mila took the opportunity to silently mouth: "Elaine," to Ruth.

Ruth pointed at her back, mouthing mack: "Elaine? Henry's?"

Mila frantically nodded.

"He is such a little fighter, he has to be okay, he is the only thing I have left from my husband." Elaine wiped away a few tears. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"Um, do you want to have a seat?" Mila's voice was silent and shaky and her friend came to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No, I'm fine, thank you. You know, my husband died a year ago and then this happened, the apple of my eye got sick, I thought I was going to lose it, but when they told me yesterday that they found a match, I wanted to kiss every footprint of yours." She tuned around, facing Mila: "You saved my son's life, but you saved mine too."

"It was nothing, really, I'm glad I could help." Ruth increased pressure on her shoulder as she felt that her whole body tensed. "We have to go now, it was nice meeting you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even introduce myself, I'm Elaine. Please, if you ever need anything, let me give you my number."

"Thank you, it's alright, we really need to hurry. Please, kiss the little warrior for me, he is going to be fine." Elaine and she shook hands and Ruth did the same with Elaine. "Goodbye."

"This was so fucked up," Ruth whispered when they made a few steps.

"Tell me about it, this is insane." She followed Ruth's lead, staring at tiles on the floor. Mila was still in a state of shock and definitely wasn't ready for another one, but that wasn't something she could control.

Ruth stopped in her tracks and yanked Mila's shirt. Her mouth gaped open when she saw that Henry came around the corner and stopped in front of them. "Oh, fuck."

Mila was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Ruth yanked her shirt or that she stopped moving, so when she bumped into Henry, she uttered: "My apologies," ready to move aside, but he grabbed her shoulders and her head yanked up.

"Mila, my Mila." Henry looked at her in awe, even though she was wearing sweatpants, that her hair was in a messy bun with hair flying everywhere across her face pale as a rug.

He looked at his wide smile for a few second. "I told you to pretend that you didn't know me if we ever ran into each other." She stepped to the side, but he followed, still keeping his hands on her shoulders. "Let go of me."

"I'm sorry," he let go right away. "How didn't I see this before?" His eyes searched hers. "I never thought it would be like that."

"I really don't have time for your bullshit now." She moved further to the side in order to pass him, but Ruth stopped her.

"Honey, you are not listening to him. This is what was supposed to happen, remember? You said it yourself, 7%?"

Elaine walked over to the small group as soon as she heard Mila's name, everything became clear to her right away. "This is unbelievable."

"Do you want to take a seat? Where does it hurt? Should I bring some ice? What can I do?" Henry's eyes never left Mila's.

Mila looked at the three persons surrounding her, everything became blurry and she couldn't hear anything anymore as marching drums rang in here ears. She walked towards the first exit sign she saw, then focused on the second one, walking one foot in front of the other until she saw the actual exit.

Henry started following her, but he stopped at Ruth's command: "Don't."

Even though he felt like he needed to touch her, to be close to her, to help ease both her physical pain and her psychological pain for which he was sure he was vastly responsible. He needed to hug her, to kiss every inch of her, to taste her.

"Give her time." She fished out a business card from her bag, handing it to him. "Here, you can call me, we will figure it out. Now that you feel it, can you imagine what she had to block out for 5 years? Be patient, she won't just throw herself into your arms."

"Why didn't this happen to me at the same point it happened to her?"

"In some rare occasions, something needs to happen before you both bond. In this case, if I'm right, you needed to be here for this lady and her son. She needed your support when she lost her soulmate and when the little man got sick and it had to be Mila's bone marrow in order for you two to meet. I don't think the two of you would've ever met again without this situation."

Henry's voice was full of frenzy: "But, I won't be here for 3 weeks, I need to see her now."

"You will make things worse, trust me, she's hurt enough. I have to catch up with her now." She took the same path Mila did, but she turned around before she tuned around the corner. "Cavill." He looked up to her. "Everything will be fine."

[kkruml]

STAY CH 14

It’s been 7 months since the last post- THANK YOU to anyone out there who’s still reading this story. @abreathofsnowandwaffles has been one of my biggest supporters since literally day 1. @missclairebelle you dazzle and amaze me with every word you write. I am so lucky to have your guidance as I hack my way through this thing called fan fiction. Words are not enough- I love you both.

Mood Music

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

AO3

Previously

The lines of his face contorted slightly before shifting back into place, his indecipherable façade restored. Nodding, he forced the words out. “Would ye stay here, wi’ me?”

Stay.

Here.

With Jamie.

In truth, Jamie’s flat had become her haven, their space together. Her final thoughts while being discharged from the hospital were not of her flat, of the crisp linens neatly lining her bed. It was here, the mess of blankets and pillows strewn across his mattress. The smell of his body wash that lingered on his towel in the morning, the warm light peaking through the kitchen curtains as she sipped her tea.

The thought of convalescing here lifted a weight she hadn’t noticed she’d been carrying. Her lips softened into a smile as she nodded, “Yes.”

His posture relaxed slightly, and the corners of his eyes softened as his gaze held hers. The weight of his intensity forced her to lower her eyes back to her glass, and with a heavy sigh, she felt his hand lazily travel the length of her shoulder to the base of her neck.

“Been a long day, come here,” his voice was soft, low and melodic and pulled her close to him. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she felt his fingers slowly intertwine in the curls that cascaded from her messy bun. “Do ye trust me Claire-that everything will be okay?”

His fingers swirled in small rhythmic circles against her scalp. The combination of Oolong, heat of Jamie’s steady breath, and dull pulsing of his heart against her skin lulled her into a quiet trance.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she settled against his side. The words came easily, without effort or question. “In this I do, and in this I will.”

CLAIRE

It was unseasonably cold. Even for Scotland.

Fumbling her way from the couch towards the bedroom, Claire shuffled to the dresser. Clumsily she found the drawer knob, the worn wood smooth under her fingertips as it creaked open. Eager hands, expecting various folds of cotton, hit the bottom with a thud.

Empty.

Whisky eyes glanced over to the laundry basket, but found no mound of clothing staring back at her.

Empty?

“Ja-“ she started, feeling the warmth of his fingers against the small of her back finish the question for her.

“Aye… Sassenach?” his voice was breathy as his lips hovered just above the exposed skin on her neck.

“Wh… What happened to all of your clothes?”

Small, swirling circles against her waistline paused.

“Weel.. err.. I, uh…” his voice wavered as his fingers pressed gently into her flesh.

Through the fog and haze of the accident, she recognized that stutter. Her mind’s eye flashed a glimpse of his face the night they met- the same uncertainty etched into his words as he drummed his fingers against his leg. “Cat got your tongue, Jamie?”

A wave of hot breath skated across her skin as he sighed.

“I just thought- that maybe… ye’d like to leave some of yer wee Sassenach things here is all,” he stated plainly.

“Just what do you think I have- a cedar trunk full of eighteenth century garments?” She attempted a teasing tone, but her heart skipped a beat as she eyed the room.

A small clearing on what would be her nightstand, an empty hook on the back of the door for her bathrobe, and perhaps most notable of all, the bed. Normally a pile of covers with pillows haphazardly askew, the bedding was now neatly tucked and smoothed over- with two fresh matching pillowcases side by side against the headboard.

 “Aye,” his breath quickened as he countered, “I had a daft notion ye might want to leave a few wee things here…”

My things. Here.

“That DVD collection of yers catchin’ dust,” his voice broke through her thoughts as he continued, slightly more self-assured, “yer favorite mug fer yer tea, perhaps a brush for that bird’s nest ye have atop that beautiful heid of yers.”

She smiled to herself. Little nick nacks, seemingly trivial pieces of her daily existence it hadn’t occurred to her that he’d noticed, let alone wanted in his flat. 

“...But then the accident h-happened and- and it didna seem fit to take advantage of ye in that state.”

And then- the accident. She remembered Boston, and her desire to start things anew- in Scotland. And then she woke up in the hospital. Dark black spots shaded her memory of the earliest moments of them.

Attempting to shift the conversation, she fought the tightening of her throat as she asked, “My state?” 

A strong hand slowly snuck around her waist and settled against the crest of her hip bone, two fingers lightly tapping the delicate skin just underneath the cotton of her shirt.

“Oh aye-” the warmth in his voice a low hum that skated across her skin, “Half yer colleagues saw yer wee granny panties ye only wear when it’s laundry day.”

She scoffed in mock indignation, the last of her frustration lifting from her shoulders. Not moving, she relaxed into his warmth and sighed in contentment.

After a soft exhale, he whispered, “Mo nighean donn… I want ye here with me. “

And there it was. 

A sweet truth that had lingered just beneath the surface. 

Breath put to the very question that had played in her head since she met him. What was this? This delicate tether between them, at first as delicate as lace but now stitched firmly together with late night truths and early morning contentment. It wasn’t usual; that first night at her apartment he had said it was different, and they’d spent the last months writing their names on each other’s souls. 

The sound of his voice lingered between them, it soothed her and sent a tingle down her spine. It was a question- carefully yet earnestly crafted as to give no expectation of an answer. She felt the ground beneath her tilt slightly, and she cleared her throat to steady herself.

Three words. Three little words that matched the pulse in her wrist- quiet, constant, and restless as they bubbled and fought to break free. For weeks and months, these words fluttered on the tip of her tongue but never gave breath to them. Until now.

The sounds slowly built in her chest, enveloping her in a warmth matched by the comfort radiating from his skin behind her. They trickled free from her lips, delicate and yet certain at the same time

“I love you.”

Each syllable hung suspended in midair, she could almost see the outline of each letter as she waited for his breathing to resume. Muscles in his arms first constricted and then relaxed before he wound himself securely around her. 

“And I…” he whispered into her curls, ”you.”

In a moment that lasted both an instant and an eternity, they stood motionless. Their breath mingled and their heartbeats pounded to the same rhythm. She felt the last remnants of earlier frustration seep from her bones and she was left feeling weightless. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she savored the feeling of utter contentment.

“So... is that a yes then, Sassenach?”

Bringing his hand to her lips she smiled and said simply, “Yes.”

                                           ______

Water. Soap. Scrub. Rinse. Gown. Gloves.

The ritual of surgery was a dance, delicate steps made in rhythm to the steady rhythm of her pulse. She could trust it, a communion that had never failed her in all her years of study and practice. Countless hours in the OR had trained her hands, each movement burned into each digit. Carefully and meticulously studied and executed with an air of ease. What her body betrayed, her mind would perfect. With eyes closed, she visualized the instrument tray- scalpels parallel and waiting to serve their purpose. 

Her mind was midway through a line of interrupted sutures, fingers moving in perfect harmony with the vision in her mind when with a turn of the wrist, a hot flash of pain tore through her radius. “Mallaichte bas!”

Murky sounds, like voices underwater broke through her concentration. 

“Huh?” she mumbled, her right hand instinctively cradling her left wrist, gingerly massaging it.

“I said ‘are ye alright,’ Sassenach?”

Slowly opening her eyes, the perfect line of stitches she had imagined slowly faded and she was left with only the uneven lines of hardwood floor beneath her feet. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” she managed through clenched teeth. Sensing her tone was ill placed, she sighed and softened it with, “Sorry to bother you.”

“Dinna fash yerself, just thought a fairy must’ve lured ye up a hill and brought me a changeling,” he said with a failed wink.

“What on earth are you talking about, Jamie?” her voice shifting from frustration to confusion.

“Did ye no’ hear yerself? Ye have quite the mouth on ye.” At that, her eyes darted in his direction, a smirk quirked to one side waiting for her.

“Did I offend your delicacies with my crude British tongue?” Despite herself, she quirked an eyebrow to match the lilt in her voice. Damn him. She didn’t want to be in a mood to joke. 

“Och yer not normally a close-mouthed woman Claire- and ye ken I love ye for it.” He paused at that, the newness of that word off his tongue curled his lip, and her heart skipped a beat. “But now yer startin’ to swear in my mother tongue wailin’ about black death- tis only a matter of time before ye bring a curse upon this flat.”

The sharp pain in her wrist was ebbing to a dull ache. 

Gaelic? 

The corner of her mouth lifted into a smile as she rewound the last few minutes in her head. Had she really spoken in Gaelic… instinctively? The last several weeks had held little amusement other than scouring various Gaelic materials, studying. But had she actually learned enough to start speaking without effort? Her fingers were tracing the incision on her left wrist as he sunk into the mattress beside her. 

“What’s wrong, mo ghraidh?”

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled loudly. “It’s my bloody hand. It’s useless.”

“Och.” The thick Scottish sound filled the room, the warmth in his voice seeping into her skin. “Just takes time. Hasna been that long since the accident.”

“Eight weeks, Jamie.” Spitting the words out, she felt her blood pressure rise. She was a doctor, she knew protocol. That a healed bone alone did not promise full function without rehabilitation. Still, the freedom she felt once freed from the cast was short lived, and she was left feeling weak and foreign in her own skin. 

“What if you couldn’t play music? What if your hand was…” she paused, not wanting to finish the sentence. Flashes of his perfectly ruddy skin torn violently to shredded flesh with mangled bone ripped through her mind. She shuddered at the mere thought of his perfect hand enduring such trauma. Taking a deep breath to clear her head, she started again, “What if you couldn’t do what was naturally in you to do?” 

“Are ye sayin’ ye like my music, then?” His face betrayed the measured tone of his voice, a look of pride barely held in check as his brow quirked. 

His attempt at distraction- at redirection- was kindly meant, but she was determined to hang onto her frustration. It was one of a few companions she’d had these last several weeks. 

Turning to face him, her weight shifted and he leaned in closer. “You have music… I have healing. What if I never get my range of motion, my strength back? A surgeon cannot heal without her hands.”

                                              ______

JAMIE

What if?

That wasn’t an option. No. She would be whole again. 

I have music.

She was right.

Blinking slowly, a shadow of an idea whispered in his ear. 

I have music.

Letting a smile tug at his lips, he held up his hand in a pause as he shuffled out of the room. Hearing a deep breath and loud exhale, he chuckled to himself. 

She will be whole again.

Returning with a few determined steps back into the room, he paused at the sight of her. So utterly unaware of herself, she had taken to focus on a few unruly curls hanging over her face. Her right hand studiously picking at the frayed ends, her left hand cradled protectively at her side. 

“Alright then,” he started, determined to change her focus. “Let’s see what ye’ve got Sassenach.”

“Beg pardon?” Her eyes widened, the swirl of whisky amber churning.

“Let’s have ye give it a go,” he gently slid the guitar onto her lap, angling it precisely between the curve of her breast and line of her arm. It sat precariously fixed at her side as he continued, “Ye said once they let anyone on stage- let’s see how ye fair with it.”

Slipping behind her, he laced his arms through hers, leaning into the smoothness of her body. “Now ye take yer left hand and put yer wee fingertips here”- gentling placing her fingers on the second fret before enveloping her hand in his- “and here.”

Taking her right hand in his, he pulled them down over the cords. Feeling the vibration and hearing a somewhat muted cord, but a cord nonetheless, echoed through the room. 

“And just wot do you think you’re doing?” Under the facade of incredulity, he heard a sense of wonder. 

“Ye’ve spent sae many hours scouring my bookcases looking for Laird knows what- this is a better- and more entertaining- use of yer time.”

“More entertaining, you say? For whom, exactly?” Feeling the smile in her voice, he let out a heavy sigh and nuzzled his nose into the curls at the nape of her neck. Her voice was shy as she asked, “Would you show me a few more?”

This just might work.

Slowly, and carefully, he showed her cord after cord. Pausing occasionally as her crude British tongue broke his concentration, he watched her fingers move slowly from string to string. Kissing her shoulder, and feeling confident he had shown her enough cords to pique her interest, he reluctantly disentangled himself from her.

Slowly shuffling to the hall, he turned at the doorway for a final look. He stopped to take her in. 

A look of determination set on her face. Her left hand was rotated and gripped the guitar’s neck with purpose. The loose white shirt, his shirt, hung off her shoulder- exposing the faintest of black ink on her shoulder. 

Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he swiped the screen and held the phone up. He watched her form come into focus on his screen and hit the shutter button, watching a freeze frame of this moment flicker and disappear. 

[izuku-midoryias-blog]

The Breakup

"You say, I should do it differently. I don't necessarily agree. Stand up! Sit down! Be nice! Did you hear me ask for your advice?" Ash sang into the microphone as we did a Kelly Osbourne cover. Several people had been asking us to do this cover, so we finally gave in and did it. Shut Up wasn't that bad, I thought we'd slaughter the song and get booed off the stage. We didn't though. Ash, the lead singer, his name is actually short for Ashley, but he wants to be a guy, so he had everyone call her Ash. I'm the badass bassist, Amethyst, I sing as well, but prefer to be backup or not sing at all.

Our drummer, Christian Cole, is such a fan of Black Veil Brides, he also calls himself CC. We have a keyboardist and guitarist as well, Mykal and Mykie, the twins. They are so identical, they dress alike as well as talk and act alike sometimes, it's crazy. We call ourselves, Drowning in Sin, we haven't came up with our own songs yet, so we just stick with covers currently. After our performance, we sat backstage, drinking water and catching our breath before we went and sat down at a table to watch the other performances.

"Ash?" Jennah, Ash's girlfriend said, trying to get his attention. "Yeah, what is it babe?" Ash turned his attention to Jennah. "We need to talk," Ash went rigid, knowing what was coming, "If you are going to bitch about me being in a band, then you can fuck off, because I was in the band before I got with you and these guys are family to me. Also, if you're going to break up with me, then you might as well do it here, like I said, these guys are family and I don't keep shit from them."

I have heard Ash speak when he's pissed before, but this scared me, he's never spoken with no emotion. I guess Jennah really meant something to him and this finally broke Ash. Jennah looked at Ashley and I think she actually shocked us all when she said what she said with literally no emotion. "Ashley, its over, I've got a boyfriend and I prefer his dick over your pussy," Jennah rushed out the break up. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMN FACE AND FOR ALL I FUCKING CARE, GO FUCKING DIE!!" Ash screamed at Jennah, causing heads to turn. Before Jennah could say anything, Ash balled up his fist and I swear, I thought he was gonna hit her. 

I shoved Jennah out the door as Ash turned to punch the thing closest to him, which happened to be a brick wall. I have a crush on Ash, but he doesn't know about it. I turn to Ash and take his now broken hand, "Ash, honey, your hand is broken, let's get out of here and get you to a hospital. Mykie, get me some ice for his hand, please." Mykie rushes off to get a bag of ice for Ash's hand, comes back and hands it to me. I place the ice on Ash's hand as he hisses in pain at me.

"God damnit, Amethyst, my hand is broken! Be a bit gentler, will you?!" I apologize to her and drag her out the door and across the street to the hospital. "What can I do for you?" The receptionist asks. "My friend and his girlfriend broke up, so he punched a brick wall," I answered the lady. The lady looks at us, asks Ash some questions so they could get a hospital bracelet made, put the hospital bracelet on Ash's wrist, gives me a number and we go sit down while we wait to be called. I roll my eyes, seeing that there is nobody in the waiting room. "Ugh, this is some bullshit!" I mutter under my breath. Ash looks at me, then looks away, obviously still bothered by her breakup, "What's the number, Amethyst?" 

"Uh, fifteen is the number, honey. Why are you asking?" Ash just shrugs and looks down. "Just wondering, that's all," she mutters. After about 15 to 20 minutes of just sitting here, listening to the silence and watching literally nobody leave, Ash's number was finally called, "15, Whenever you're ready." I get up with Ash and walk through the big automatic doors that separate us from the rest of the hospital. We get to the triage, I hand the nurse the number card as Ash sits down.

"Alright, what brings you here today?" The triage nurse asks Ash while checking his blood pressure and temperature. "My girlfriend broke up with me, so I punched a brick wall to keep from punching her. I'm not sure if I broke my hand or not, I just know that I'm in pain," Ashley said. "How long have you been dealing with the pain?" The nurse is writing down everything. "About an hour, maybe an hour and a half."

"How would you rate your pain?"

"On a scale of what?" Ash asks getting annoyed. "One being the least amount of pain, ten being the worst," the woman states.

"Oh, okay. Uhm, thirty." Ash says clearly pissed off. The nurse finishes writing some things, then gets up, "Right this way. You'll be in this room right here." The nurse directs us to room D. "Someone will be with you shortly," she says before she closes the door. Ash looks at me, then focuses his attention back on his hand. Confusion flashes across my face, but I ignore the confusion. 

"Why are you the only person that never seems to leave me, Amethyst?" Ash asks out of nowhere. I look at her strangely before I answer, "Ash, we've been friends for as long as I can remember. I promised you that I would always be here for you and that I would never leave you & I keep my promises. Besides, I have a huge - uh, never mind, Jennah just broke up with you. You don't need to know that information." I start blushing at the fact that I almost told my best friend, who probably doesn't feel the same way, that I have a huge crush on him.

Ash looks at me strangely, but just as she goes to open his mouth, there was a knock on the door. I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding, when I saw the doctor walk through the door. I got a strange look from the doctor, but instead of him saying anything to me, he turns towards Ash and asks him about why he's here. Rolling his eyes and for the third time, explains that his girlfriend broke up with him, so he punched a brick wall to keep from punching her. This doctor seemed to be young, like just out of college young and looked as if he was checking out Ashley, so it seemed like he didn't hear the word girlfriend in that explanation. 

"We'll have to take you and x-ray your hand to see the damage done, alright?" Ash nods his head, answering his question. After he leaves, we sit in the room in silence, fifteen minutes go by and an x-ray technician comes to take Ash to x-ray his hand. I stay and wait for Ash to come back. Ash comes back and I almost didn't notice, I was so lost in my thoughts. Thirty minutes go by and the doctor comes back in and tells Ash that the knuckles on his pinky and his ring finger were shattered. Ash sighs and somewhat listens as the doctor tells him that the only resolution for his shattered knuckles, was surgery.

"Oh hell no! I am not having surgery over my damn knuckles! Knowing my luck, you'd be the one operating on my hand and you'd fuck something up and kill me, just over a couple knuckles! You must be burnt the fuck up if you think I'm gonna go under anesthesia for surgery on a couple shattered knuckles!" Ash went on his rampage over surgery for his hand, I must admit, I had to try not to laugh at his rampage. I guess he was extremely paranoid over going under anesthesia for anything. The doctor let him rant and rave over anesthesia and surgery before he responded to him,

"Alright, it's up to you if you want the surgery or not, dear." I thought Ash was going to rip his head off after the 'Dear' comment, but instead she just chewed him a new ass as she informed him that she was a lesbian and was not interested in men and never will be, "I like pussy, not cock, dude and if you were actually listening to me explain why I punched the brick wall, you wouldn't be tryin to hit on me, right this very second. Let me repeat myself since you obviously didn't hear me. My girlfriend broke up with me, so instead of punching her in the face in the middle of a venue, I punched a brick wall. Which, by the way, was closer than her face anyways. I'm also a potentially angry person and the only person that can keep me calm half of the time, you gave a dirty look to as you walked in. I don't know what you were thinking, but I don't want to see you give that woman a 'go to hell' look again!"

The doctor just nodded his head and then walked out of the room. No less than five minutes went by, when the nurse came in with discharge papers for him to sign. "Just be sure to ice your hand for thirty minutes and keep it elevated above your heart while you ice it, dearie," The nurse said sweetly. I think everyone thinks it's, flirt with Ashley because he had his heart broke three hours ago, day. I sighed and Ash and I left the hospital and went right back across the street to the venue to get the rest of the band. Mykie was the first to ask what was said at the emergency room.

"I shattered my pinky and ring finger knuckles and the only way to truly fix them is to have surgery," Ash shrugged, "Oh, the doctor tried to flirt with me, but I put him in his place, then as I was getting discharged, the nurse gave me her number. I don't know what is up with those people, but damn, I'm not interested in men or hooking up. I'd like time to get over the incident that just happened three hours ago before anyone seems to tell me that they're in love with me." I stared wide eyed at Ashley as he was ranting to Mykie. So, he knew what I was going to say to him after all. I wonder if that means he feels the same and would just like to get over his girlfriend of four years breaking up with him.

Ash looks at me and nods his head, "Yes, Amethyst, I knew what you were gonna say and no, I'm not gonna tell you my response for a very very long time."

[gumnut-logic]

Dirt (Part Nine)

From here.

For @ak47stylegirl  Hopefully this makes up for the lack of Alan and Virgil in the previous chapter. This is the fic that never ends...I’m hoping it will wind up soon. Only a few threads left, but then it has a mind of its own.

Thank you to @vegetacide and @scribbles97 who continue to support my muse wonderfully ::hugs you both madly::

Thank you to all of you who have liked and commented on this fic. You have supported my muse like you wouldn’t believe. You made it into what it is, otherwise it probably would have stopped at the two hundred odd words it started at - we are now well over 13,000 words. You push me to new heights ::hugs you all::

I hope you all enjoy this.

-o-o-o-

His brother’s hand was still and lifeless. None of that boundless energy moved the muscles, the strong and artistic fingers lay dead in his.

Alan drew in a strong breath and it strangled him. Why, Virgil, why? He didn’t have to die. He didn’t.

He could have escaped.

But he didn’t.

He stayed.

Alan cried out, but his throat was raw and sore and there was no sound.

Virgil, damn you!

And Alan Tracy woke up crying.

“Hey.” The voice was soft and the touch against his cheek gentle. “Allie, it’s okay.”

His vision was blurred with tears and his own throat was attempting to strangle him. A hurried blink and Scott sharpened into focus.

His big brother.

His battered big brother.

One eye was swollen shut and an awful shade of red and purple. His hand was holding Alan’s.

Alan pulled his fingers away without thought. “Scott?”

“Hey, little brother. How are you feeling?” Scott’s one functional eye glanced down at his now empty hand and he withdrew it with a frown.

Alan didn’t answer, doing his best to shed the horrible weight on his heart.

Virgil shouldn’t have done that.

“Alan?”

Grandma appeared beside the other side of his bed.

His bed.

He was in hospital.

The non-sequitur drew him up short. “What happened?” His voice was little more than a rasp and his chest hurt.

“What do you remember?” Scott’s voice, usually so deep was still soft, somewhat tentative.

Alan stared at him. “Virgil dying.”

Scott’s one healthy eye widened. “No, no. Look.” And he pointed beyond Alan, to his right. Grandma shifted and there lay Virgil.

The man looked half mummified and was horribly still, but the stats above his bed flickered steadily. Alan stared a moment, the memories clogging his head.

Dirt. Darkness.

Death.

He burst into tears again.

Oh god.

“Hey, hey, hey, Allie. He’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. Gordy’s going to be fine.”

It took a moment and his chest ached with emotion. “Gordon?”

And Scott moved to one side to reveal his fish brother sitting up in bed waving in his direction.

“No, Gordon, you are staying put.” Penelope, Lady Penelope. And yes, there she was, holding Gordon back from getting out of his bed.

“But Scott got to get out of bed.” It was little more than a childish whine.

“Scott didn’t get shot.”

Shot?

And it hit him. The hole. The gunshot. Gordon collapsing.

Alan sucked in a breath. “What the hell happened?”

Scott’s lips thinned, but he opened his mouth to answer, just as John pushed open the door and wobbled through with a tray of coffees and a bag of something. “Alan! You’re awake.”

“Keep it down, John. Virgil isn’t.” Grandma hissed at his older brother and he was brought up short.

“It would be a damned good idea if he did wake up.” It was muttered by Scott, but Alan heard him.

Another glance in Virgil’s direction. His brother was lying stiff on his back, pale and lacking all animation. “Is he okay?”

“He’s going to be fine, dear. He just needs some time to get well again.” She turned back to Alan. “Just as you do. Relax, honey, it is all over now.”

But Alan couldn’t keep his eyes off Virgil. “Why did he do that?” His voice was high-pitched, fragile, and desperate for an answer.

“Do what?”

Scott touched his arm and Alan turned back to him. “Stay. He didn’t have to stay. He could have died. And for nothing!” That last came out as a shout. As much a shout as his aching chest could manage. “He was going to die.”

His big brother didn’t answer, something flickering in his eyes.

“He loves you, Alan.” It came from Grandma and Alan found himself looking up at mirror blue eyes. “Sometimes love has us doing silly things.”

“He was going to die.”

“He didn’t.”

“He didn’t know that.”

“Yes, I did.”

It was croaky and spoke of so much pain. Every head in the room turned towards Virgil to find his brown eyes dopey, but open and searching. They found Alan and closed, as if in relief, before opening slowly again. “Couldn’t do anything else. Couldn’t leave you.” The words drifted off into a breathless rasp followed by a groan.

Scott was moving before his brother finished. His body got in the way between Alan and Virgil. Alan reached out an arm and wordlessly tried to grab him.

“Scott.” Grandma grabbed his big brother, dragging him into an impromptu hug.

Alan could see Virgil again.

“Why?” It was a single syllable and he wasn’t even sure his big brother was still conscious.

“Couldn’t let you...alone.” A frown flickered across his brow.

“Virgil...” Scott was almost straining against Grandma’s grip.

Alan couldn’t reach Virgil and Virgil couldn’t reach out; his entire left side bound up in bandages. But suddenly Alan’s bed was moving sideways, his drip shifted out of the way by a hand above the bed. A blink.

John.

John was moving his bed.

The beds slapped together as Grandma dragged Scott out of the way. Alan could finally reach his big brother.

Fingers sketched across bandages.

Brown eyes smiled at him sleepily before sliding shut.

“Virgil?”

Scott’s voice was soft. As soft as it had been with Alan, and Alan felt a sudden sorrow for his biggest brother.

“He’s okay, Scott.” A slow blink, his own weaknesses threatening to drag him under again.

“He’s okay.”

-o-o-o-

Kayo squared her shoulders, her eyes latching onto her aunt. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am, I have to be.”

“Unacceptable.”

“Virgil, no matter the reason, killed a man. A very prominent man in this country. He had a lot of support and they are demanding recompense.”

“I don’t care. The man was a thug. He held the Tracys at gunpoint, shot Gordon, tortured Virgil...” She swallowed attempting to get her anger under control. “How can you possibly be considering this?”

“I’m not considering anything, Kayo. I have no choice in the matter. Do you think I would do this if I didn’t have to? He’s my godson, for goodness sake.” And the powerful woman bowed for just a moment, the distress at what she was being forced to do showing through the cracks. “If you have an alternative, please...”

Kayo almost took a step back. Colonel Casey had been part of her life since she was little. Never had she seen the woman this vulnerable. Never had she seen the woman plead.

“They can’t have him, Colonel. I will not allow it.”

The GDF colonel straightened, a mixture of concern and hope on her face. “Kayo...”

“Trust me. They won’t.” With that she turned and strode out of the woman’s office.

The moment she was out of earshot, she hit her comms. “Penny, Eos, John, we have a situation.”

-o-o-o-

Virgil may be willing to die for his little brother, but to be trapped in a hospital room with the two youngest was a whole different kind of hell.

“Alan, it was my turn.”

“So not your turn, bro. You had an extra move. I didn’t miss it, I’m not that stupid.”

The argument had been on and off for the last fifteen minutes, and if Virgil had been able to get out of bed, he would have cuffed both his brothers about the ears just to get them to shut up.

Of course, he was more than grateful that both of them were mending well, both sitting up in bed picking at each other. Alan’s leg was thoroughly wrapped in bandages, but it wasn’t long before he’d be released. Gordon’s shoulder was strapped up almost as much as Virgil’s, but unlike the engineer, the bullet hadn’t actually broken any bones and he was healing fast.

Virgil had both a broken collar bone and cracked scapula, not to mention the curse of two snapped ribs. Surgery had pinned them back to his spine, but so much ow.

And the bruising...

His left was properly mangled, but his right shoulder, along with his back, were decorated in blue as much as Scott’s face.

His eldest brother was a mess, more so mentally than physically, but a mess nonetheless. Officially he had been discharged, but the pilot had refused to leave and money had its ways.

Scott hovered as expected. Three brothers out of commission was enough for a whole new crop of grey hair and it was rare that he, John or Grandma weren’t here right now. Left alone with the two injured younger brothers, Virgil was considering some grey of his own.

“Awww, c’mon, Gordy, that’s cheating!”

“Them’s the rules, bro.”

“Bullshit!”

“Will you guys shut up!”

It came out in a rush and, honestly, he knew it was crabby of him, but, god, he felt like crap.

“You okay, Virg?” Gordon’s voice slipped into worry.

Damn.

“Just keep it down, could you?”

He could feel two pairs of eyes staring at him. “Okay, sorry, Virgil.” It was a chorus.

He didn’t sigh, no, he didn’t.

Yes, he did.

“Sorry, guys.”

“S’okay.” Alan.

Virgil just closed his eyes.

A hand on his forehead made him jump...and hiss at the sudden movement.

“Relax, bro. You’re tense enough to break another bone.”

Gordon was hovering over him.

“What’re you doing out of bed?”

“Just checking up on my sick brother.” The aquanaut’s concern was obvious in his voice.

“I’m fine. Go back to bed.”

“You look like shit.”

“Well, thanks, that makes me feel so much better.” He blinked his eyes open. “Go back to bed.”

“You need some more painkillers?”

Shit. God, no. That would let the memories loose.

“No, I’m fine, Gordon, just leave me alone.”

“See, Alan, I told you he would lie his ass off.”

“Okay, I owe you twenty.”

“It was fifty. You said double or nothing.”

“Fifty is not double twenty.”

“Guys! God, get another room.”

He loved them, but, for goodness sake!

“Sorry, Virgil.”

Again with the chorus. He couldn’t even turn over and shut them out that way. He clenched his eyes closed.

There was a scuffle and a protest beside his bed and he just sighed. Sleep would be wonderful.

“I see you are neglecting yourself again.” The deeper tones of his eldest brother had him letting out an exhausted breath. “Sorry, I left you alone with the terrible two.”

“I’m fine. It’s okay.”

“Gordon’s right. You are lying your ass off.” Fingers touched his hair again, brushing it off his brow.

“I’m fine, Scott. Alan and Gordon are just having fun. It’s fine.” That last syllable was no more than another exhaled breath. God, he was tired.

But everything hurt so much.

A grunt from Scott and Virgil opened his eyes.

His brother truly looked like shit.

“You okay?”

“Better than you. You need rest.”

His eyes tracked over Scott’s injuries. “Pot. Kettle.”

“No, I think your injuries trump mine by a massive scale.”

Virgil just grunted at him. In the background, his other two brothers were far too quiet for his comfort.

And yes, that was irony itself.

“I’m fine.”

“Sleep and prove it.” That one blue eye was stabbing him into his pillow.

“I’m trying.”

“You’re in pain.”

“Of course, I am.” Okay, so it came out harsher than expected.

“You need more painkillers.”

“I need peace and quiet.”

Scott didn’t answer that. Gordon peered around his eldest brother, obviously not nagged enough to make it back to his bed.

“Gordon, bed.” It was automatic and Virgil didn’t miss the slight curve of Scott’s lips at his words.

“Only if you take more drugs. There is your deal, Virg. Drugs or the Gordo show.”

“Gordo and Alan Show!” And yes, Alan yelled it from his bed.

Scott was smirking outright.

For the love of-

Scott was grinning.

“You asshole, you planned this, didn’t you.”

“Possibly.” The smile vanished. “But you deserve it. You’ve been in pain all morning and you won’t help yourself. So, I brought in the big guns.”

“That’s us.”

Thank you, Alan.

“Interesting tactic.”

“Tactics are my skillset.” The hand was combing his hair again.

“Okay, fine. Get them to drug my ass, but I claim no responsibility for the result.”

“You’ll do fine. You’re amongst family.”

He eyed Gordon. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Trust me, Virg, I’m not in a joking mood.” And all the smile disappeared off Gordon’s face. “You’re in pain, please, just take the drugs.”

But Scott had already hit his comms, John’s voice answering. A moment later, a nurse entered the room with a syringe.

God, he hated the drugs. They made him stupid. And the memories...

“It will be okay, Virgil.” That hand continued to stroke his hair. “You’re safe.”

Moments later as the heat crawled up his arm, he questioned that. The world shifted and separated from him. He didn’t feel safe. There was something gnawing at him and, like in the sleep from earlier, it found him in the haze.

“I’m sorry.”

Fingers still combing through his hair, his brother just smiled.

Before doubling and drifting away.

-o-o-o-

 Part Ten

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 11

AAAAAAHHHHHHH FINALLY Ada leaves Cor and returns to Luche!!!!!! I mean with a declaration of love like that, how can you notI’m so happy. Cor really is a lone wolf tho. So in case you haven’t noticed, I recast Gentiana as this lovely woman next to Ada. @the-immortal-marshal, GIRL. You hopefully will love this. I was CACKLING when I wrote the end of this chapter and hopefully you’ll laugh too. 

So without further adieu. You can go here- AO3 or read below. Enjoy. 

Chapter 11

Cor helped Ada take a shower by taking a shower with her and just held her under the hot water for a long time because he didn’t know what to say so he said nothing while he mentally tried to come up with something to say. But when he was done Ada got to see the full extent of his new wounds.

“What happened to you while I was gone?” Ada asked as he helped her get dressed and ready for bed.

“Don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate.” Cor waived off as he got dressed in some PJ’s too, grateful that Regis had gone to his house to get him some clean clothes and things.

“Oh come on, just tell me Cor!” Ada pleaded before Cor got her tucked back into bed.

“While you were gone I got close to Gilgamesh, really close, like I saw him from across a warehouse we raided, he was under full guard and I tried to hack my way through to him and I did actually got to fight him but he... he slipped away again. So I may have gotten hit a bit. I was in this hospital for a little bit but I’m fine, besides you were on the cruise to Alaska and I didn’t want you to worry or spoil your vacation and there was no way for you to come home even if you wanted to. Sylva did everything she could from the boat, which thankfully that ship had internet and I swore her to secrecy and not to tell you or anyone else. Granted my stay wasn’t as nice as this was but I didn’t need all of this or want it. So once I got out, I changed tactics and I thought if I could get The Empress and nail her down permanently that Gilgamesh would cave and come for her himself and I’d be able to trap them both and finally end it once and for all.” Cor explained. “I was hoping to do that before you came home. I should have sent you on a plane back to your parents the moment you came back. But I swear to you Ada, I will make this right and the bastard will see justice, I swear.” Cor admitted as he got in the bed next to hers as he held her hands in his as they faced each other before the nurse knocked and came and hooked Ada back up to her IV fluids since the bedding had been changed while Ada was in the shower and there had been warm blankets put on under the comforter so the bed was perfectly warm for her.

“Feel a little more human?” Sadie gently teased since the line she used to get Ada in the shower was to scrub off the grime and blood and ‘feel more human’ which had gotten Ada to crack a smile as Sadie grinned wider when Ada cracked a larger smile.

“Yeah,” Ada nodded, she had needed a shower and a good scrub down and to brush her teeth, put on some deodorant and stuff.

“Good, do you want some more meds to help you sleep?” She asked thoughtfully.

“Yes please.” Ada nodded.

“How about...remeron? It’s an anti-anxiety med and it’s side effect is to knock you out while it calms you down.” Sadie offered.

“Perfect.” Ada smiled appreciatively as Sadie punched that into the computer before she pulled the med out of her pocket and administered it, having already loaded up before she came into the room so that there wouldn’t be a wait time for Ada and within seconds Ada’s eyes grew heavy before she fell asleep.

“Cor? Do you want some too?” Sadie asked thoughtfully.

“Nah, I’m good.” Cor waived off.

“Ok, well get some sleep you two. Let me know if you need anything.” Sadie offered before she pet Baxter affectionately as he curled up next to Ada in her bed.

“Will do, good night.” Cor bid her before she bid him goodnight and left.

The next day Cor took Baxter for a walk to go potty in the little rooftop garden on that floor while Sylva stepped in to check on Ada.

“So how are you feeling today?” Sylva asked curiously as she came into the room.

“A little better. So Cor told me last night that while we were in Alaska he was here in the hospital, so since he told me, can you tell me more about that?” Ada requested.

“Yeah, I can actually, I had Cor sign a waiver before he would be discharged so that when he told you, you would be able to see for yourself the full extent of it, I have it printed out already, I’ll go get it.” Sylva answered before she turned and went and got it and called Rose to come to the hospital before she came back.

“Now if you don’t mind, I called Rose, Gladio’s mother, because she’s the one who brought him in and she’ll be able to tell you what she found when she found him.” Sylva began before Cor came back.

“Oh no.” Cor frowned. “Sylva come on, she’s been through enough, don’t do this now.” Cor pleaded.

“Hey, since you didn’t want to tell me the whole story, I found someone who will.” Ada challenged.

“I told you all you needed to know, more than I should have.” Cor defended as Sylva rolled her eyes so hard they damn near rolled out of her head.

“If you had told me enough, I wouldn’t have reached out to her.” Ada maintained.

“Fine, you two knock yourselves out, I’m going to call into work.” Cor huffed as he put Baxter back up on her bed as Baxter curled up next to Ada and simply sat there.

“As you can see Cor is of the mindset that the less people know, the better, he thinks that he’s protecting everyone by keeping them “blissfully ignorant” obviously that doesn’t work.” Sylva muttered under her breath as she pulled up a chair before Rose came into the room.

“Hey Sweetie, how are you holding up?” Rose asked thoughtfully.

“Well I’m not bawling my eyes out right now.” Ada shrugged.

“So you’re numb, ok.” Rose nodded in understanding as she came and pulled up a chair too before they both went over Cor’s medical history with Ada as well as Rose gave insights with Cor’s past and the nitty gritty of his personality as Sylva had all the medical history to back it up and show the full extent of his injuries as Ada realized, Cor had always been this way and that she simply ‘got in the way’ of his work, his life. He said he had changed and that he wasn’t this way anymore but clearly that wasn’t true.

And he had downplayed it all again, he had surgery again, not just one- he had five. His liver and his kidneys had been slashed and had to be sewn back together, his spine got hit, he could have been a parapalegic, he could have died, he was super close to dying several times. He wasn’t just in the hospital for a day or two he was here for over a week. His life had hung in the balance and he was in the intensive care unit, he had gotten attacked worse than he had ever been before and he didn’t tell her. He didn’t….he kept this from her. If Sylva hadn’t gotten him to sign a waiver to have this released to her, she never would have been able to know. She just sat there and let all of this soak in. She had almost lost him and it was like...he didn’t care that she almost did. His idea of “protecting her” is keeping her in the dark, he had promised to stop doing that and he broke his promise. As she realized how there was no way he was ever going to live up to that either. Had she been foolish to expect that from him? He was never going to change, not for her, not for anyone and he was going to kill himself in the process. He wasn’t going to get her justice, no there was no justice to be gotten, no, this was a vendetta and this was vengeance, she was just collateral damage. What had she been to him anyway? Just a good lay and live in mother to clean his house and do his laundry and warm his bed? To take care of him on his terms because emotionally and mentally he didn’t need her. Obviously, he never needed her. Not really. He had been used to be self sufficient and all she had been was a distraction. One that he thought he wanted and he thought was good for a while at least but now, she clearly just got in his way. She didn’t want this life anymore. She was done. She had thought this was fun and “exciting” oh yeah, loads of excitement, not knowing if he was going to come home to her, not knowing what was going on, always being in the dark, always being on the sidelines and the supportive role while he got all the “action”. This was bullshit. How could he ever protect her when he had never even tried to protect himself. He obviously knew it was just a matter of time before this happened and the risk of her and her safety and wellbeing was worth his quest for Gilgamesh. Fuck this.

After a couple of days, Ada felt it was time to go home and was discharged and was really quiet on the way home which left Cor to do his own thinking in his own head because he felt he couldn’t say anything without starting a fight because the fight that had ensued after Sylva and Rose had left had been big and bad enough that the other patients had called security and he had promptly just left for work and didn’t come back until she had fallen asleep.

Ada wasn’t surprised by that. She wasn’t surprised when he left her alone all day once he brought her back to his house that didn’t feel like home, Ada realized, it never really had either. But because of what happened, she was terrified to leave the house and started to have panic attacks. Crowe was livid when she came by to see Ada having a panic attack and Cor was nowhere in sight and ignoring Ada’s calls. Luche was fuming because he did his best to keep a respectful distance once she left the hospital but at the call from Crowe that Ada was at home alone having a panic attack, he immediately dropped everything and came running and thanks to those books Sylva had loaned him since had done nothing but read those and study them like his life depended on it, he was able to get her calmed down. Luche and Crowe worked out how to get Ada back to therapy. And for a few days more they tag teamed with Ada, if one of them wasn’t with her, the other was while Cor was at work with Crowe taking the evening shifts to be there and make sure Cor came home to her before she’d leave Ada.

Luche even coaxed her into leaving the house to take high tea again. He thought if that if she could see herself looking put together and with makeup on and her hair done, she’d feel a little better about herself, like she was coming back together and coming back to herself too.

“You look beautiful.” Luche praised as he drove her to the tea house as he held her hand tightly, Baxter, Kona and Kahlua in the back seat with them since when Luche came, he brought the dogs to get to know ‘mommy’ and the dogs took to her as such and had always been hesitant to leave her when he would leave.

“Thanks,” Ada whispered as she squeezed back. Grateful he was with her. She preferred his presence to Cor’s because when Cor was home, he was quiet and still wouldn’t tell her shit. At least Luche talked with her, talked her through stuff. And even when Cor was home, Ada felt even more alone in his presence now.

Once at the tea shop Luche escorted her to the private booth in the back so that Ada could still be ‘out’ but not feel ‘exposed’ because the two were different things. So here Luche sat- across from her, pouring her a cup of tea, in his suit since he had been in the office that morning trying to do a little bit of work before he came to take care of her and he was looking particularly handsome today while she still felt a bit raw on the inside despite looking put together on the outside. But she did feel better that they were both dressed up. Cor didn’t believe in dressing up outside of a uniform or simply a Tshirt and jeans for everything, granted they were black jeans and black shirts, but still. The man owned one suit and one tux that Sylva had bought for him for the wedding.

Luche had a whole closet full of suits and shirts with gorgeous ties. All of the suits were tailored to fit him so he looked like a damn suit model half the time. Ada still noticed how it was Luche that got looked at appreciatively once they arrived in a teahouse full of women, he was the only gentleman there and those other women had looked at him like he was a snak. It both made her feel jealous that even hinted at possessiveness and made her so proud to be with him. But to Luche, it was like they weren’t even there.

“I’ve missed you.” Luche finally said after he ate his cucumber sandwich and they were quiet for a few long moments and Luche felt like if he didn’t say something his brain was going to explode because he wanted to say a thousand and one things all at once but he had to really be mindful of her and how she was feeling and make sure she didn’t feel overwhelmed and he couldn’t overwhelm her with his thoughts and feelings and emotions right now. But GOD was it hard.

“What are you talking about? You saw me yesterday. Plus you’ve been too busy babysitting me to do anything other than that, I haven’t been anywhere for you to miss me.” Ada gently argued as she took the tea cup and drank from it again, the warmth of the tea cup warming her fingers as the tea and his presence seemed to warm and soothe her soul.

“Not what I meant and I don’t babysit you, you’re an adult, if anything I just simply hang out with you.” Luche countered gently.

“Then what did you mean?” Ada tilted her head as she considered him curiously.  

“Well... I’m legitimately scared all of this is going to change you so much, you’ll never be the same and you’ll never get to be your old self again, I’m going to do all I can to keep up with you and keep up with how this will probably continue to change you but...” Luche countered before he trailed off and looked away guiltily. He shouldn’t have said that or brought this up, this was dangerous territory.

Ada simply smiled sadly at him, not sure how to answer. “Are you sure you’re not missing something really important back at the office right now?” Ada questioned changing the subject as she felt a deep sense of dejavu.

“Nope, I don’t deal with anything that’s life or death, whatever is there can wait until whenever I get back, I got a new office when we came back and I'm still settling in and Sylva made sure I didn't get anything important that would need more attention than you, nepotism is fantastic sometimes plus you’re always way more important than any paperwork I could possibly do there, something Sylva and I completely agree on.” Luche insisted, looking back up at her, his gaze soft and his grin gentle as it turned reassuring and Ada felt warmed by the sentiment and she could tell he wanted to say more but forced his mouth to stay shut and let her have a moment of peace but part of her wanted to hear whatever he would say.

“What?” Ada asked, hoping that would help him say whatever he wanted or needed to stay.

“Never mind.” Luche shook his head no before he picked his tea cup up and sipped it again, trying to acquire his taste for it.

“Stop.” Ada demanded. “Everyone looks at me like they want to tell me a thousand and one things but no one tells me what they’re really thinking anymore and I hate it. Luche, I want you to be the one person on this planet who doesn’t do that to me. Just tell me what’s going through your head, don’t worry about offending me or hurting me or anything like that because out of everyone you’re the one who’s actively healing me and making me feel better and keeping me safe while gently pushing me towards recovery which is what I need. So just...keep talking to me, keep communicating with me. Stop holding back.” Ada pleaded desperately and Luche caved. She did technically ask for this so he leaned his elbows onto the table and leaned forward and made sure she looked him in the eye. Go big or go home and he was going for broke.  

“Ok. I love you, I’m in love with you and I never fell out of love with you and I have never stopped loving you and the last 9 months have been a living hell for me because I haven’t been with you and when you broke up with me I felt like you took my heart with you and you never gave it back so I’ve been an empty shell ever since and no matter what I’ve done to attempt to move on or find someone else I’ve failed spectacularly because I’ve only ever wanted you. And it’s killing me keeping a respectful distance but if that’s what you need that’s what I’ll do. I thought I was going to lose my mind when this happened to you and only God knows what I would have done if the unimaginable happened to you because the idea of living in this world without you in it is abhorrent to my very soul. You are my whole world. So anything I can do to spend time with you, no matter what the cost to me personally is- is something I’ll always do if it’s for you, I got Kona and Kahlua for you, I got seven tea sets at home just for you, I have a whole cupboard in my kitchen that’s bursting at the seams because I can’t stop buying ridiculously expensive but hopefully really good tea in the hopes that one of these days you might love me back again and you’ll want to go home with me and use those tea sets and drink the tea and find even more tea that you love instead of going home to Cor when Cor isn’t even coming home to you, not in any way that matters anyway. He ignores you and has abandoned you mentally and emotionally and it’s all of my strength to not scream and yell at you and shake some sense into you to see what’s really happening and it’s killing me that you’re hurting and I can’t fix it and make it better and it’s killing me that you will probably never get justice when you are the most deserving person there is of it and I would give everything to go back in time and change everything and as angry as I am at Cor, I’m also angry and frustrated with myself because you deserve better and I’m trying to give that to you if only you would take it.” Luche finally spoke, his voice dropping to a low murmur so that he wouldn’t draw attention to them but it felt so good to finally get that off of his chest. But the look in his eyes brought tears to hers. The words were eating their way out of her throat as she stood as Luche did the same and came into his arms as he hugged her tight.

“I only ever want you too! I love you so much! I never should have left you, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve done nothing but regret it ever since and I’ve been so miserable Luche, please, please forgive me, I’ll never be unfaithful to you ever again as long as I live! I want to be happy again, I want to be happy with you because you make me happy! You make me feel loved and cared for. Please, please take me to Cor’s house to get my stuff and take me home!” Ada wailed into his chest as she felt so safe and warm in his arms again. Like nothing could hurt her ever again.

“Oh thank God! Finally!” Luche exclaimed in relief before he kissed her, letting all the built up emotion over the last few months finally come to a head and kissed her like a man starved as she kissed him back in kind. He tasted better than he ever did. Luche paid for lunch and grabbed her hand and left with her and once in the car they made out again because it had been long overdue and they finally didn’t have anything to get in the way or hold them back anymore and once Luche finally got to drive back, Ada texted Crowe before Crowe texted the gang who all showed up at Cor’s house to help Ada move out as quickly as possible and made sure they got everything that was hers while Ada wrote a break up note to Cor.

Within the hour, they had gotten all of Ada’s stuff loaded into their vehicles and happily and super quickly they had her things loaded into Luche’s apartment. Even Baxter was happy to get moved to the new place and happily laid down on the third dog bed in the living room and stretched out after getting acquainted with the food and water dishes and the premium dog food and the little backyard and Sylva was cheering and dancing and leaping for joy in her office when she got the text from her kids and from Luche about the change. That and her and Tredd did win the pool since their friends had secretly opened a bet as to when Luche and Ada would get back together and Sylva had picked today and Tredd had simply added his bet with hers.

Cor came home and was relieved when it was peaceful and quiet and sat in his chair and relaxed for a moment before he frowned in confusion. It shouldn’t be this quiet. Maybe Ada was sleeping. He went upstairs and found his bed empty but made before he looked around and noticed Ada’s things were gone. Vanished like she was never there to begin with.

“Oh fucking hell.” Cor groused as he looked around and was relieved to find that his stuff was still ok, she didn’t do the whole- dump your shit into your yard- thing. Or destroy anything and everything she could touch- thing.

He went downstairs and found the note Ada left him on the kitchen island. It was surprisingly, sweet, fucking sad but still, he was surprised it was as...well put together as it was as he suddenly realized that Sylva had warned him, everything listed here was exactly what Sylva told him not to do that he had done. Hell, even Regis had repeated it, Clarus and Gladio too, it was all his fault, he had the perfect girl and he lost her because he was an idiot and an ass, he could have had it all but he blew it and she was gone forever. Now he could blame no one but himself for losing her. So he did the “sensible” thing, got into the cabinet and grabbed the first bottle of liquor his hand touched and started chugging.

Meanwhile Luche was all too happy to have Ada settle in and Ada found herself actually smiling to herself as she put her clothes away and put her toiletries in the bathroom and caught herself smiling in the mirror. She felt so much lighter and like she didn’t have to dread...anything. She knew Luche was always going to come home to her. Like she was more than just turning a page, she was snapping the book labeled ‘Cor’ shut and reopening the book marked ‘Luche’ and starting a new chapter in that one.

“You ok?” Luche asked as he came into the bathroom with her to check up on her.

“Yup,” Ada nodded as she finished putting her things away.

“What do you want for dinner?” Luche asked thoughtfully.

“I have no idea.” Ada shrugged with a little giggle.

“Do you want to go out or stay in?” Luche put to her as he leaned against the door frame.

“Stay in.” Ada decided.

“Well I don’t really have “groceries” groceries, but there’s a bunch of places that deliver or I will happily go and pick something up if they don’t deliver here so come on,” Luche invited and gently and reverently took her hand and led her downstairs to the kitchen where there was a drawer full of takeout menus and got them all out as well as got his apps up on his phone so he could order their first official dinner at home. Granted it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as he wanted it to be but at least she was here. He would make it glamorous later. Oh he was going to do the whole, candles, rose petals, sweep her off her feet big romantic gesture soon enough. Right now he just wanted to her to feel at ease and comfortable and not put any pressure on her at all in any way.

“Just tell me what sounds good and I’ll get it here, whatever you want.” Luche invited as Ada looked them over before they ordered several things from a few different places before Luche finally got changed into comfy clothes and came back down stairs to relax on the couch with Ada, happy to practically have her sit on his lap she cuddled so close to him with a throw blanket over both of them as the dogs still laid on them both, Kahlua especially getting as much of herself onto Ada as she could as Luche was damn near pinching himself that she was here with him, in his arms and back with him- while they waited for the delivery and simply watched TV in companionable silence and as usual the dogs alerted that there was someone there when all three got up and stared at the door, their tails wagging slowly but Kona and Kahlua didn’t bark because they had been trained not to before Luche got up and got the door and paid the delivery guy generously before he had to carry the bags high so the dogs wouldn’t sniff holes through the bags before putting them on the breakfast bar that separated the living room from the kitchen and started unpacking everything before handing Ada her food before they relaxed on the couch again, simply eating and watching tv. LIke it was just another day for them but he was happy they could at least be happy and content to just be and Ada was happy to just be and feel settled already.

When they had both eaten their fill Luche put the leftovers away and made a mental note to actually go and do some real grocery shopping with Ada before Ada came up behind and just hugged his back which got Luche to smile and hug her arms back as he couldn’t help but smile wide when he felt her nuzzle her head into his back before she came around and pulled him down to kiss her. Luche was supposed to be controlled when he kissed her but god damn, he couldn’t help it, before he knew it, he had her pushed up against the fridge because she was smiling into the kiss, fisting her hands into his clothes and trying to pull herself up onto him which he was all too happy to help as he lifted her and to have her wrap her legs around his waist had him almost past the point of no return.

“Oh God, wait, uh, I...you don’t have to, we don’t have to, if you’re not…” Luche tried to put on the breaks before he did lose control.

“Lu, if you don’t fuck me until I can’t walk straight right now, I’ll kill you, plus this place needs to be christened properly.” Ada insisted and that was all the permission Luche needed before he let the floodgates of his affections open and promptly carried her up the stairs himself as Ada cackled and started stripping her shirt and bra off.

A few days later they shopped at Pier One and several other places to decorate the place to really make it theirs while Cor after sobering up enough to go to therapy with Dr. Gentiana.

“So where’s Ada today?” Gentiana asked as she sat in her chair and got her notebook out even though she knew exactly where Ada was and what she was up to since Ada had gone to see her only a couple of hours before.

“She left me.” Cor answered as he handed her the note as Gentiana took it and read it over and made some notes.

“Cor, I’ve known you for years, I’d like to think over that time I’ve come to know you fairly well in that time, so now that you’re here, I’d like to do a little exercise.” Gentiana began and reached behind her and pulled out an inflatable bat and stood up before she hit Cor upside the head with it a few times.

“Ow, what the fuck Tiana?!” Cor asked as he shielded himself from her blows while Gentiana finally did what Ada, Sylva and so many others had wished they had done to him by just, wailing on him with this inflatable baseball bat.  

“Really?! You took an 18 year old, exposed her to her first super traumatic experience, purposefully kept her misinformed and in the dark and then left her alone and on her own when you came home for days?! She was having panic attacks left and right and you ignored her! And you’re surprised she left you?!” Gentiana growled once she was done before she got straightened up and sat back down before she put the bat away before she looked questioningly at Cor who only hung his head in shame.

“Just because you’re jaded and callused doesn’t mean that she should be too. So here’s the deal, you knew better, you don’t get to hate Luche for picking Ada up when you clearly dropped her and you don’t get to blame Ada for being a human being and having needs that you clearly didn’t fulfill. This note was a kindness, read it before you think about entering into another relationship because I can tell you right now, every woman would do what she did. Now, let’s move forward shall we?...” Gentiana began as she handed the note back to Cor and continued with the therapy session.

[inyournightmares97]

2. “They may not understand you, but I do.” + JB. Thank you! :)

Jaebum + “They may not understand you, but I do” (Reunited Lovers!au)

It was such a tiny thing for a relationship to break over… but it often is the tiny things that break lovers apart.

You had told yourself from the beginning that you would be patient with Jaebum. He was in the final year of his residency when you first started dating. He’d been training to become a pediatric surgeon and you knew from the first time you met him at one of Jackson Wang’s parties that he would become somebody special to you. Jaebum hit you like a thunderstorm. Calm yet passionate at the same time, mature and still mischievous.

He was almost too good to be true and you were careful not to lose him.

Perhaps, you had been too careful.

You tried to be understanding. You never got angry when Jaebum cancelled dates because he had to work, or forgot to call you when he promised he would. Sometimes you both went weeks without seeing each other and you never complained. Im Jaebum was not the kind of man who you were going to let go of because he was a little busy with his work at the moment. You saw a future with him. You wanted to spend your life with Jaebum, you wanted to have children and grow old with him. And if that meant that you sacrificed your own needs for a few months, so be it. You forced yourself to stay strong despite your lack of contact with him.

But that day… that dull, summer evening it had all fallen apart.

He was supposed to be meeting your parents. You had both arranged to go over there for lunch on Sunday afternoon, but Jaebum neither showed up nor answered the phone. You’d had to reassure you parents that he was just very, very busy and had gone home alone to find him lying in bed with his phone switched off and looking miserable.  

Perhaps things would have gone differently if you had known that Jaebum had made a mistake during an extremely important surgery that morning. Perhaps they would have gone differently if he knew that you had waited for him at the bus stop for over two hours. But you were both tired and you took a deep breath, as always, willing yourself to be understanding and trusting that he had a good reason for bailing on you.

“Hi,” you had greeted him softly.

Jaebum had only turned to look at you with dull eyes. “Hi,” he’d replied.

“We were supposed to meet my parents today,” you told him softly. You tried to keep the bitterness out of your tone, tried not to sound like you were blaming him. It was difficult, but you managed. “You never showed up. Are you feeling okay? Did something keep you at the hospital?”

Jaebum scoffed. “Does it matter?”

You glanced down at your hands. “I suppose not.”

“No. Nothing matters to you, does it? You don’t care about me. You just want to tell your parents and friends that you’re dating a doctor, you’re just using me to make yourself look better. Why don’t you admit that to me so that we’re both on the same page?”

You stared at him. It took a few moments for the words to process in your head, you couldn’t even imagine that Jaebum would say something like that to you. Your heart had broken into pieces. “Is that what you think of me?” you had whispered. “Do you really think that I’m dating you because I want to tell people that my boyfriend is a doctor?”

Jaebum was silent.

“Then you clearly don’t know me at all,” you whispered. “Because I’m dating you despite you being a doctor.”

You walked out of his apartment that day and you never went back. You had thought about calling Jaebum multiple times, thought about asking him why he would accuse you of something like that even after you had made so many sacrifices for him. But your pride had never allowed you. You had given that man everything and you were determined not to be the one to go crawling back. But Jaebum had never called you and there the relationship abruptly ended, with neither of you quite understanding why.

–

It was more than a year later that you saw Im Jaebum once again.

You were in the pediatric wing of the hospital. One of the little children in your kindergarten class had broken his arm by falling off a swing and you were waiting around until his mother showed up. When the mother had finally arrived and talked to the nurse to be assured that the child would be discharged in a few hours, you’d finally turned to leave.

There was a commotion at the other end of the corridor.

A woman was wailing, crying while clutching her hair and screaming at a man in a white coat in front of her. You felt your stomach lurch as you recognized Jaebum immediately. He looked exactly the same; the same dark hair, the same broad shoulders and angular face. His hands were trembling as he clutched a clipboard in his hands, head hanging slightly as the woman screamed at him.

You couldn’t understand a lot but it was evident from her behavior what had happened.

She had lost her child.

A pair of nurses came and dragged the woman away, begging her to calm down and trying to reassure her. Her wails echoed down the corridor but Jaebum stood still, frozen, not even moving an inch. As you stepped closer to him, you could see his shoulders trembling slightly. For a moment, you forgot about the breakup, you forgot about how Jaebum had left you in the lurch and accused you of being a gold-digger. All you saw in front of you was a broken man and your heart went out to him.

“Jaebum…” you whispered, stepping closer to him and placing your hands over his.

Jaebum’s eyes shot open and he looked at you with wide, horrified eyes. He had dreamed of seeing you again so many times, of seeing your beautiful eyes and your bright smile once more. But not like this. Not now, when he had just failed to save a child. Not when there was a distressed mother who had just lost everything that was dear to her. Not when he was so helpless and vulnerable.

“I… I tried everything-” Jaebum whispered, wanting you to understand. He felt a desperate urge to explain to you that what you had just seen wasn’t his fault. “I really did, I tried everything but it was already too late, she was dying and-and there was nothing more that I could do, I really tried everything. I-I wanted to tell the mother myself but she was blaming me and I don’t know, if there was something I could have done…”

“Jaebum,” you whispered.

He looked up at you, eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I know,” you reassured him, pressing his hands tightly. Jaebum was squeezing your fingers so hard that you thought they might break but you let him. “I know, Jaebum. They may not understand you, but I do. You tried your best.”

“Did I?”

“Yes. You have always been an amazing doctor.”

There was a long silence and Jaebum stared at you for a moment before he suddenly released your hands and stepped back from you slightly. He seemed to have suddenly come to his senses and he took a deep breath before forcing a weak, watery smile. “Sorry, I just.., um… what are you doing here at the hospital? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

You nodded. “Right. One of my students broke his arm, so I just came by to check on him.”

“I see.”

There was a long, awkward silence. Jaebum stared at you for a moment longer before he finally held his hand out to you. “Do you, um, would you like to talk in my office? It’s just down the corridor here. We can have a cup of coffee or something, if you have the time.”

You followed him to a room which had his name written on a plaque on the outside, Dr Im Jaebum, Pediatric Surgery, and sat in his large office as he made two cups of coffee using a small machine in the corner of the room. As he handed you a cup with trembling hands and sat down across from you, you wondered what you were doing. Why were you here, with a man who had broken your heart? Why hadn’t you immediately walked in the opposite direction as soon as you saw him?

It was too late now. Im Jaebum was staring at you and you’d never seen such a gentle look in his eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” he told you bluntly.

You felt your heart skip a beat. Jaebum was never one to beat around the bush. He always said whatever he was feeling directly and you knew that his words weren’t a mere formality. He meant it. He had missed you. You looked down at your coffee cup and smiled regretfully.

“I missed you too,” you admitted.

“I wanted to call you,” Jaebum explained. “So many times. I thought about it a lot, but I didn’t know what to say. I thought I should apologize and ask you to get back together with me but…” he trailed off without a word.

You blinked at him. “You thought what? That I would be too angry?”

“No. I thought that you wouldn’t care. And that would have been too much for me to take,” Jaebum admitted quietly. He looked down at his coffee cup and bit his lip. “You never seemed to care about anything, really. A normal girlfriend would have been kicking and screaming at the way I treated you; never giving you time, always cancelling on you and putting you second to my work. How could anyone put up with that sort of treatment from someone they loved?”

You felt your hands trembling as you clutched your coffee cup. “I would only put up with that sort of treatment from someone I loved.”

“When I realized that I had missed out on meeting your parents I was sure that you were going to scream at me and get upset but you just smiled that same, sweet, happy smile of yours and I broke inside. I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t care about it. And it just… it just struck me that maybe you didn’t love me after all, maybe you just liked the title of being my girlfriend and that was why nothing I did could ever really upset you.”

You looked up at Jaebum, your voice cracking with anger. “I… did so much for you,” you whispered.

Jaebum looked at you, startled at the emotion in your voice. “I know-”

You set the coffee cup down hard on his desk, the liquid sloshing everywhere as you glared at him. “I spent an entire year holding back my emotions and telling myself to be understanding towards you. I waited at the bus stop for more than two hours that day because I was so sure you wouldn’t let me down and the only reason I didn’t get angry was because I trusted that you must have had a good reason for bailing on me. I didn’t want to lose my temper without hearing you out.”

Jaebum blinked. “I see.”

“I loved you so much I was afraid that if I became too clingy or bothered you too much during your residency, our relationship would crack. I wanted it to last a long time. I wanted to spend my life with you and I told myself that a few months of being treated secondary would be nothing compared to a lifetime with the man I loved. I put you and your feelings and your comfort before anything else in my fucking life and you called me a gold-digger.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“And that was all I wanted to hear. But you couldn’t even make a simple phone call and apologize to me,” you hissed at him. “Who the hell are you to sit here and accuse me of not caring about you when you never made the slightest attempt to keep our relationship together?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But what else was I supposed to do, when you were being so cold and emotionless? If you had just told me once that you wanted more of my time and attention, that you were having a hard time dealing with my work then I wouldn’t have assumed the worst!”

You fell silent. Jaebum was right. You had hid your suffering too well for him to see it. Perhaps being in love wasn’t about concealing your pain to make the other happy, but about sharing it and dealing with your problems together. You felt small and foolish. Jaebum had never asked you to suffer silently for him. You had done it yourself, like an idiot, and hurt him in the process.

“I guess we both made mistakes,” you mumbled.

“I guess we did.”

You stayed still as Jaebum stood up and slowly made his way up to you, kneeling in front of your chair and taking both of your hands in his gently. His dark eyes were piercing into yours and you could see the passion in them that you had missed so much. Nobody had ever been able to send shivers down your spine with a single loving look the way Im Jaebum did. He brought your hands up to his lips and kissed them gentky.

“Let me try again,” he whispered. “I’ll trust you this time. As long as you promise never to keep anything from me.”

Your heart fluttered softly.

“Okay,”

[therandomfics]

DISTANCE: 9/Final

Homicide, that’s what you’d thought when you woke up in a hospital bed. It was your first thought - after all, you were convinced you’d killed your attacker and you knew for sure you’d be put on trial for his death. Manslaughter would have been better, but no one would believe that you’d hadn’t spent time thinking of ways to kill Ryan Keller. Justifiable homicide? Maybe, it was an option. You rubbed your eyes and looked around the room, wondering if it would be your last glimpse of freedom. Clearly, you’d spent too much time talking to Sonny - Mr. Ipassedthebar Butdontpracticelaw. Law was never cut and dry. 

“Good, you’re awake.” A white lab coat over green scrubs was talking to you. “I’m Doctor Castillo. How are you feeling?” 

“Okay, I guess,” you offered and tried to sit up, but felt an unusual pain in your stomach. Wincing, you pulled the blanket away and your top up to see a massive bandage. “What happened?”

“You were stabbed during the struggle,” she explained, noting a few different things on your chart. “When you’re feeling up to it, there’s a few people here to talk to you.” 

“Sure, thank you, Doctor. I’m fine.” 

Doctor Castillo left, and Lt. Benson walked in, a frown on her face. 

“Looks like we just can’t leave you alone, can we?” she asked with a small smile. She was always so good at making you feel like everything was fine, even if it wasn’t. “How’s your injury?” 

“I think it’s fine. I just woke up, truth be told, and I’m confused. What happened?” 

Olivia filled your cup with ice water and handed it to you. “Drink, you need to stay hydrated. Tell me what you remember.” 

You took a sip and thought back to the last thing you recalled before waking up in the hospital. “Ryan was in the apartment. I called Sonny. He said he knew. I.. I was scared, because he said he was there to finish what he started. He said his wife was the sister of a guy that Sonny busted for human trafficking. He choked me, I stabbed him with a make up brush.” You stopped and laughed, despite how inappropriate it was. “I ran, I wanted to hide. He kept saying that if Sonny came in he was going to kill him. I was in the closet, in the hall, hiding and he found me. He was beating me, I couldn’t breathe..” you sighed and looked around. “Then I was here.” 

“Good, good. You’re only missing a little piece,” Benson comforted. “The injuries you sustained match your story. What happened, Y/N, was that during this struggle, you used a knife to stab Ryan Keller ten times in the chest, face, and stomach. Somehow, during this fight, the blade of the knife ended up in your body, as well. They’ve run tests to ensure that you didn’t contract any diseases from the cross contamination. Keller is coming out of surgery now. Sonny said you thought you killed him, but you did not.”

“That’s a shame,” you replied flatly and continued sipping your water. “He broke into the apartment when Sonny was gone, and.. he texted Sonny from my phone.” 

“His fingerprints were all over the knife, the bathroom, your phone, everywhere. He planned his attack on you. I don’t believe there will be any push back on self-defense.” 

You nodded slowly and looked over at her. “What about his wife? Mia?” 

“We picked her up as a co-conspirator. She’s at Rikers, and likely won’t see the light of day again for a long time.” 

“Thank you, Olivia. Honestly, for everything.” 

She smiled her normal warm smile and stood up, exiting your room. A few minutes later Sonny walked in, hesitating in the doorway. “No matter how much time he gets, it’s not gonna be enough.” 

“Next time I’ll kill him, then.” 

He laughed quietly and walked to you, sitting on the side of your bed where his hand found yours. “I was worried sick about you. I was here all night and all day waiting to get the okay to talk to you.” 

“I’m alright, Sonny. I really am fine.” 

“I’m sorry I left. I.. I know you’re gonna tell me not to blame myself but I do, for leaving you.” 

“You went to the market, love. It wasn’t like you left me for months on end again.” It was a low blow, but you wanted to get your point across. “On the phone, you told me you knew that he was there. How did you know?” 

A grin tugged at his lips, causing his eyes to squint slightly from the amusement on his face. “When I got a text from you that said hi baby can you please pick up Indian food? I’m craving it I knew it couldn’t be you. You don’t call me baby, and you hate Indian food. I knew something wasn’t right.” 

“I’m glad you’re attentive. What’s gonna happen now?” 

“Let Burnette work that out. This is part of your case, and though it happened in Manhattan I know Stone’s gonna be fine working with Burnette. He’ll push for maximum punishment and hopefully skip Rikers and send that bastard to Sing Sing for as long as possible.” 

“Ryan said some weird things before he attacked me. Or, well, I guess while he was attacking me,” you said suddenly, changing the subject. You didn’t care where he went or how long he went away; it wouldn’t be enough regardless. 

“Like what?” Sonny inquired and filled your cup back up with water. 

You nodded in thanks and took a sip. “He said that he thought you were sleeping with his wife but he couldn’t prove it, but that’s why he wanted to ruin my life, to ruin yours. He said that he knew you’d been out with her and that he knew you’d been at least somewhat intimate but he said he couldn’t prove that you had sex. I feel like I need to know the truth, and you know I’m gonna know if you’re lying.” 

“I know you’ll know.” 

“Don’t dance around this one, Sonny. I dance way better than you.” 

“Alright.” 

“Sonny. Come on,” you groaned, feeling yourself growing angry with him. 

He sighed and stood up, pacing the small area of your room. “You saw us that night on the platform, I know, and I know I don’t know how you felt, how bad that must have been. The sick feeling in your stomach, it had to be ten times worse than how I felt when you caught me. I know it wasn’t right. Undercover or not, I shouldn’t have let it go that far. Yeah I was lonely, I missed you, I craved the attention of another human being,” he began, his face flushing red in embarrassment. “I was trying to get her to open up to me, and part of my way of doing that was obviously what you saw. Making her feel comfortable with me, getting her to trust me. There was one time, only one time, that things escalated. We didn’t have sex, but it was close, Y/N. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you must be at home in bed, crying, wishin’ I was there, and I’m fucking asshole for ever leaving you like I did.” 

Your face had contorted in a look of anger and disgust, leaving you at a loss for words. Finally after a few long seconds you opened your mouth, a squeak leaving your throat. Eyes brimming with tears, you inhaled sharply and stared at him. “You have no idea what that was like. Tell me, Sonny. What happened?” 

“She went down on me. I never came, I swear I didn’t. We were interrupted and I’m thankful that we were.” 

Your brimming eyes flooded over and you began to sob, causing your heart rate to increase so suddenly that it set alarms off. “What did you do? Did you return the favor later?” you demanded, trying to swing your legs over the side of the bed to get up. Sonny came over and tried to keep you on the bed, placing his hands on your shoulders. It was a rookie move, so to speak, because if gave you an advantage: you slapped him across the face and pushed him away. “Did you?!” 

“No, I didn’t, Y/N,” he snapped, rubbing his cheek where your hand had just seconds ago landed. 

A nurse ran into the room and nearly pushed Sonny out of the way to get to you, forcing you to lie back down as she checked your blood pressure and heart beat. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” 

“Yeah, alright, but I’ll be back,” he muttered before walking out slamming the door. 

“I’m trying to forgive you, Sonny, so don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me,” you hissed. Sonny was only trying to help, but you’d rather see him burnt at the stake than accept his help right now. You’d been discharged two days ago and had no choice but to return to the home you once shared. If it was awkward before, it was worse now. Not only was it a home that once held so much love, it was now the home that you’d almost murdered someone in. What a wonderful description for the next renter to read: blood and lust and love. 

“At some point you’ve gotta get your head outta your ass,” he retorted, leaving you stunned. He was right, yes, but he didn’t need to put it so bluntly. It was fair though, considering the verbal lashings you’d given him over the past few days. Sure, it was terrible that he’d been intimate with another woman but he was undercover, and while you knew it was no excuse, you wondered if there were exigent circumstances that would have lead him to behave the way he did. Maybe it was a situation where if he didn’t show some sort of physical contact he would be outed as a rat. You wanted to know, but had no courage to ask. 

You stared at him in shock before pursing your lips together to prevent anymore harsh obscenities from leaving your mouth. Sonny knew he had finally gotten your attention, but he had no idea what to do with it once he had it. 

“I’m sorry, doll,” he murmured. “Maybe we’re too screwed up to get back to normal now.” 

“What?” You were suddenly aware of what was happening. A slow motion train wreck you couldn’t look away from even if you had tried. 

“I just don’t know that this is gonna work. I love you, but I can’t help thinkin’ maybe this just isn’t gonna work anymore.” 

“You..you’re breaking up with me?” you questioned, heart racing. “Oh.” 

“Isn’t that what you want? You want an out, here you go. You got it. I won’t stop you if that’s what you really want, Y/N.” 

The silence that filled the room was only interrupted by your footsteps as you stood up and walked down the hall. Sonny had just broken up with you, only a few days after you’d nearly killed someone in his apartment. It seemed fair, after all who wants a could have been murderer as their.. well, you weren’t really anything. You couldn’t be broken up with if you weren’t actually dating anyone. 

He walked in as you were shoveling your clothes into the same suitcase you’d used months before to leave, when you’d left him a letter in hopes that he’d find it and understand his transgressions. 

“What are you doing, Y/N?” he asked with a long sigh. He was mentally exhausted and so were you. It was a wonder it’d taken as long as it had for you two to snap. 

“I’m leaving, Sonny. We aren’t actually together, if you think about it, so we’re not breaking up. You’re just gonna have less shit in the way,” you explained, pulling clothes off hangers in the closet. 

“Stop.”

“Stop what? Giving you what you want?” 

“You’re the last person who has any idea of what I want. I don’t even know what I want. But I do know what I don’t want, and I don’t want you to go anywhere, so don’t leave me.” His voice cracked, a noise you’d never heard before. 

You glanced over your shoulder at him and realized that for the first time in your entire life, you’d made a man cry. The realization made you feel worse than you already did, and you had no idea how to approach fixing the situation. 

“Sonny.. I-I’m..” you paused, unsure of where to go with your next few words. “I don’t wanna go. I want to stay with you, but only if it’s not going to make things worse. I’m angry at you, you know that, and it’s not even your fault. I just don’t know where to go from here and I need you to help me.” 

He wiped his eyes dry with the backs of his hands and pulled the clothes from your hands, tossing them on the bed. “Then don’t go anywhere. I can’t be without you. I know I was wrong for what I did and I’m never gonna forgive myself, but if you can even come close to letting me back in, I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that you never feel alone or unwanted ever again.” 

You sniffled and nodded, burying your face against his chest and holding him so tight that you thought you might hurt him. Despite having been with him every day and night, it was the first time you’d actually opened up and let him back into your personal space for more than a few seconds. “I’m gonna do my best, too, Sonny. No more undercover work, please, at least nothing that involves you leaving for such a long amount of time.” 

“Deal. And no more Brighton Beach for you,” he countered, kissing the top of your head. “And try not to stab anyone else, okay?” 

[davidbuddbg]

Chapter 5: What if it’s worth it?

In the hospital, it seemed like I wasn’t there, like it was unreal or just a dream. More like a nightmare. The ambulance had rushed through the streets but now everything seemed to slow down. As soon as the ambulance came to screeching stop, Dave was hurried to surgery. I asked to be there, but they told me that wouldn’t be possible.

I watched him being rolled away in that stretcher, through some doors that immediately closed behind them and I wasn’t allowed to follow.

And then an ER nurse came and started asking me questions but I couldn’t hear him so he had to write it down; his medical antecedents, if he had any allergies, any chronic diseases and I realized I knew nothing about him. When I asked if he would be okay, the only reply I got was “vital prognosis engaged”.

And I remained there, in the middle of the ER waiting room, all alone and I realized that it didn’t matter if he was spying on Julia, on me, if he was involved in a Coup d’Etat. I was in love with him, no matter what.

It felt like ages had passed until a nurse went to get me and brought me to the same otorhinolaryngologist as last time. He seemed surprised to see me again so soon, but he didn’t ask questions. Because of the perforation of the tympanic membrane, dirt had entered my middle ear and that was why I was almost deaf at the moment. I stayed put until he cleaned out my ears and I slowly regained my hearing even though the ringing was still there.

Afterwards, I was brought to do a general check-up: Apart from my elevated heart rate, everything seemed to be fine. I finally dared checking the clock, it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and the blast had happened at around 11am. Dave had been in there for over three hours.

They let me stay in the room that had ‘temporarily’ been assigned to him, aka if he survived. I texted my parents to let them I know was fine, I knew they would have heard of it by now and would be worried sick. “I’m not hurt, I’m okay. I’ll call you later.”

Dave’s cell phone kept ringing. ‘Vicky’ showing brightly on the screen. I couldn’t pick up, what would I even say? I was fidgeting, impatient, looking at the clock and then at the door which led to the ORs every few seconds. Time was drawing on. No was coming out and I texted Sara, asking her to grab me some clothes from my flat and bring them here.

And then finally, after more than four hours, someone came out. “He’s pulled through,” the nurse announced and I started crying with relief. Apparently, there were some complications with the wound on his legs. A nerve had been touched. They had repaired it the best they could but they couldn’t guarantee it’d be as before. I didn’t care. Not when he could have died altogether. Thirty minutes after that, they rolled him into the room. He was still unconscious but at least I knew he would okay now.

Sara came by with a duffel bag. She didn’t say anything, just hugging me before leaving again when I asked to be alone. I stood there watching Dave a few more minutes until I convinced myself that he was okay now and I could go to the bathroom to take a shower and change into fresh clothes.

Just when I re-entered the room, Dave’s phone rang again and this time I could pick up.

“Dave? Dave!” Vicky screamed into my ear and I had to pull the cell phone away a few inches. “Are you okay?” She was hysterical. Who could blame her? After all, he was still her husband and the father of her kids.

“Hi Vicky, this Alma, a colleague of Dave’s” I spoke reassuringly, introducing myself. “He’s fine now. They just brought him up from surgery, he’s going to be okay.”

Vicky asked me for more details but I didn’t know a lot myself. She told me she would come by in one hour when her shift ended at another hospital. Because of the attack, her hospital was hectic too. She made me promise to stay with him until she arrived, and I did.

Sighing, I group-videochatted my parents, trying not to make much noise. As far as I knew, mom was in Cascais (Portugal) and father somewhere in Asia, I didn’t where exactly. “Alma,” they blurted out in unison, picking up after the very first ring. “Are you okay?” Mom asked immediately.

“I’m fine,” I replied. Physically it was true, mentally not so much. “I was there, but far from the stage.” They didn’t need to know the whole truth.

“I’m booking you on the first flight to Lisbon,” mom declared, furiously shaking her head.

“No, mom, wait!” I blurted out, before glancing to the bed to make sure I hadn’t woken him up. “I can’t leave. Not now.” She didn’t want to hear any of my arguments. For her it was out of question for me to stay.

“Graça, calm down,” dad told mom over the phone. “Stay there if you want, Alma, but I’m sending some private security officers since the Police is obviously incompetent.” I didn’t want that either but I agreed, knowing full well I wouldn’t get out of this without a compromise.

Vicky arrived soon after I hung up. Our greetings were short and she immediately rushed to his side to see how he was. He still hadn’t woken up.

“Thank you for staying here with him, Alma,” Vicky finally breathed out, sitting down on a chair next to his bed.

“Don’t worry about that.” I would have remained there even if she hadn’t asked me to on the phone.

“What happened?” She eventually inquired, her eyes not leaving Dave. I answered, telling her everything I knew which truth be told, wasn’t a whole lot. I hesitated telling her about Dave putting his life on the line for mine, but I figured I should. After all, she knew what his job was. I just hoped she wouldn’t hate me.

After over an hour, she kept staring at the clock. “Look Vicky, I will stay here until he wakes up. If you need to go check on the kids, do it,” I offered and she accepted although it was obvious she didn’t want to leave.

------

I was finally falling asleep on the chair when Dave started waking up, squirming under the covers. I stood up at once, walking over to his side and taking his hand in mine.

“You’re okay, Dave,” I whispered pressingly. “I’m here.” He didn’t say anything and I figured he must be thirsty after all those hours, so I helped him drink some water.

“Thank you, love,” he murmured, his voice still raw. I called a nurse in to check up and she gave him more painkillers through the intravenous. “What happened?” He asked after a while.

I shook my head softly next to his. “An explosion,” I confessed. “But don’t worry about that now.” I kissed his forehead and lied down on the hospital bed to him, cuddling with him. Dave told me about barely being able to feel his leg and I promised we would talk it out with the doctor in the morning. I didn’t want to be the one telling him about the complication. Besides, he needed to rest.

He fell asleep again and didn’t wake up for the rest of the night. I was restless. I only realized I hadn’t thought about Julia since the attack when news of her death appeared on my smartphone. First I felt guilty; guilty at having met and worked with a powerful woman I looked up to, and yet having entirely forgotten about her the moment the man I was in love with was in danger. Then I felt horrified, even scared, knowing someone like her, someone so confident, brave and powerful remained mortal.

The morning came and I hadn’t slept. Careful as not to wake up David, I slowly made my way to the bathroom and freshened up. I knew I had so much to take of today and I didn’t even know what exactly. Still in the bathroom, I heard voices and immediately rushed out, thinking it were some nurses or doctors.

“Who are you?” I inquired accusingly when I realized they were indeed wearing uniforms but not the ones I expected. I closed the door to the bathroom behind myself before walking up to them, arms crossed.

“I’m DCI Sharma,” the man introduced himself, before pointing at the female next to him. “And this is DS Rayburn.” He even showed me his badge. Alright, so they were Police and I couldn’t kick them out. “You are Alma Guinness, right?” The man asked, looking suspicious.

“Yes,” I nodded without bothering to uncross my arms. I should have expected the police to turn up at some point but this felt too soon. “Why?”

“We’ve trying to find you,” DS Rayburn explained. “The hospital staff said you’d been discharged but you never showed up at the hotel or at your flat.” Somehow her turn managed to go from concern to suspicion to accusation in the same sentence, and admittedly, I was quite impressed.

“I’ve been here with Dave, I mean PS Budd since the attack.” I replied simply but inside I was trying to figure out whether they considered me a suspect. They turned to each other at my answer, almost imperceptibly raising their eyebrows.

“Alright, at least we finally found you,” DCI Sharma quickly changed subjects. “Would you be able to meet us for some questions this afternoon? Say at two?” It might have been formulated as a question but I knew I couldn’t just say no.

“Of course.”

“In the meantime, could you hand us your electronics?” Rayburn requested with authority which in turn made me raise my eyebrows with surprise. “It’s part of the investigation, we’ll give them back as soon as we’ve gone through them.”

I gave her a quick nod before making my way to the chair where all my belongings were. Mentally, I was checking one last time that I had deleted the texts exchanged with Dave. “Okay, I’m clear,” I thought before coming across the laptop and the tablet in my handbag, hidden beneath the jacket. I cursed internally, before composing myself and returning to them.

“So, here’s my phone,” I said, handing it to Rayburn. “Password’s 1938 but I can’t give you my laptop, it was destroyed in the explosion.” I lied to them, but honestly, there was no way I couldn’t explain their contents without getting myself, Dave or even Julia posthumously in trouble.  

However, DCI Sharma didn’t appear convinced. “How is that your cell phone survived but your laptop, didn’t? Both were in the same distance from the explosion.” He did have a good point and I had to run my hand through my head to gain a few precious seconds and think.

“The cell phone was in my pocket,” I began, making up the lie as I spoke. “It survived because Dave’s body protected it. The laptop was in my bag.” Somehow, I must have convinced them because they let me go.

Dave started to stir at that moment. I wanted to stay with him, but there was no way I could pull that off without giving away our relationship, whatever that was. I just hoped he had also remembered to delete the text messages.

Now, outside his bedroom, I found the bodyguards my father had hired, waiting for me. “Ma’am,” the three men said in unison as I approached them. This was exactly what I needed: Being followed by three men as I tried to find a way to hide evidence.

The only upside to this situation turned out to be that I didn’t need to drive which gave me more time to think. Part of my dad’s deal for me to be allowed to stay here were the bodyguards. The other part, was moving into my parents’ flat.

First, we stopped at my old flat so I could pack. Then, we stopped at the Blackwood Hotel so I could do the same again but I was informed my previous bedroom was out of bounds as part of the investigation. This was a blow because some of my personal stuff was in there but I was so relieved at having taken my laptop and the tablet with me the other day.

Now, at my parents flat, I was finally alone. At least to some extent: The guards stayed outside after having secured the perimeter which meant I had some privacy. I had to find a quick place to hide the electronics before I could either destroy them or find a more secure hiding spot. For now, I decided to hide the tablet inside one of the cushions of the kitchen chairs and the laptop inside the turned off heater. Not perfect but this would have to do for now.

When I was finally done with unpacking, there was no time left to take a nap at it was already half past one.

----------

Rayburn turned on the audio recorder and the questioning began. First, they informed me of my rights and then asked whether I wanted a lawyer. I refused. What was even the point of studying law if you weren’t able to defend yourself?

“Witnesses say that before the attack, Julia Montague and yourself spend about half an hour alone in the Green room.” Rayburn read off some written notes before looking at me. “Is that true?”

“It is,” I admitted, short and sweet.

“Did she share any personal feelings with you?” Rayburn inquired and I wondered whether I should tell them about her firing me because she wanted to protect me, but I decided against it. “Did she talk you about being scared anything would happen?”

“No, she only wanted to go over some parts of her speech before the big audience.”

“Julia Montague and yourself seemed to get along well and were rather close, according to our sources. Do you confirm?” Sharma was the one asking this time and his voice was less kind than Rayburn’s.

“Yes. Julia Montague was always nice and respectful with me, and the feeling was mutual.”

“We have been able to get some images and videos from a CCTV camera at the event,” Rayburn drawled as she sorted through the papers in front of her before displaying three pictures in front of me. “These photographs were taken, respectively, one, five and ten minutes after the attack,” Rayburn went on pointing at me on the photograph. “Throughout our recording, we can see that you never left PS Budd’s side until the medics arrived.”

I was about to say something, when Sharma interrupted Rayburn and at the same time, stopped me from talking. “The first one we understand. You had just managed to push his body off yourself and were still taking in what was happening. But you need to explain the other two.”

I looked down at the pictures in front of me even though I already knew what they showed: Me crying over and tending to David. “When I pulled him off me, I noticed he was bleeding. My instinct was to do a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. I stayed with him because the wound on his shoulder didn’t allow for that technique and needed pressure to manage the bleeding.” Rayburn nodded at my explanation, after all, it was the truth. Sharma, on the other hand, looked much less convinced.

“So, you couldn’t look around while applying pressure? Search for Julia Montague?” Was he trying to accuse me of her assassination? I was truly offended.

“Julia and I were close. But the explosion was a situation I was not prepared for and I didn’t act rationally.” This would have to do. Both Police officers now nodded and it seemed that topic was settled.

“How would you describe your relationship with PS Budd?” Rayburn now asked. Honestly, I had been expecting this question from the very beginning. Finding me in his hospital room at the wee hours of the morning was bound to raise questions that I couldn’t answer truthfully without jeopardizing his career.

“PS Budd has always been very polite and professional with me, both when he was Julia’s PPO and then mine.” I replied, simply repeating out loud the words I had memorized earlier.

“Other witnesses have testified that two nights before the explosion at St Matthew’s, PS Budd and yourself left the Blackwood Hotel, and only returned four hours later.” Rayburn stated, before asking me the expected question. “Where did you go?”

“I went to meet some friends, Sara Defair and Cedric Murton. We had dinner and then a few drinks. PS Budd accompanied me as my bodyguard.” Technically speaking, this was true.

“You stand by your previous statement that your relationship with PS Budd has never been anything but professional?” Sharma inquired, his eyes looking right into mine which made me quite uncomfortable.

“Yes, I do.” Honestly, what should I do? If I say no, then I’d be admitted I lied to them. If say yes, then I’m deeply fucked if Dave’s forgotten to delete the text messages.  

Rayburn took over, looking at me condescendingly. “We found used condoms in the trashcans, both in your bedroom and in PS Budd’s.” I immediately went red. I tried not to, but I was too embarrassed to control the blood flow in my cheeks. Most of all, this issue had completely escaped my mind and I didn’t know how to get out of it. “Naturally, we will run DNA tests but it would be a lot faster if you confirmed that the condoms we found contain both your and PS Budd’s DNA.”

In the end, I confessed. There was no way I could deny this in the 21stcentury with our modern DNA tests. At least, that seemed to shut the topic but I now feared Dave would be sanctioned.

“Is there anything of interest you’d like to add, Miss Alma Guinness?” Sharma asked, the tip of his finger almost on the off button of the recorder.

“Yes, there is.” I announced solemnly and the way they both remained frozen would have been comical if I hadn’t just gone through the biggest embarrassment in my life just seconds ago. “The morning of the attack, at the House of Commons, I saw Rob MacDonald and Tahir Mahmood talk, alone, which in itself was bizarre since they hate each other. And then, Rob handed Tahir the briefcase.”

“The one briefcase Tahir brought to the stage just before the explosion?” Sharma asked for more details, now leaning forward.

“Yes, the very same one.”

------

While things exactly didn’t go as planned, it seemed the last piece of information had at least redeemed me partially in the eyes of Rayburn and Sharma. At the end of the interview, Rayburn even offered me her phone number in case I remembered anything else.

Now that this had been taken care of, I returned to the hospital. The positive point was that since the Police now knew about our nocturnal activities, there was no point in hiding. When I arrived in his bedroom, Dave seemed much more alert although he was still lying in bed.

“Hi there,” I cooed before approaching him, not caring about how I might sound. “Are you feeling better?”

David nodded. “Yes, love.” It was obvious he was now in less pain than yesterday. I wanted to tell him about the interview but he continued before I could say anything. “I’ve been discharged actually.”

“First, the Police know that you and I reallygot to know each other,” I informed him, stressing out the ‘really’ and wiggling my brows so he would understand what I was saying. “Second, that’s not possible. You cannot be discharged. I mean, you’re doing better, but not hospital-leavingbetter.”

Dave chuckled at my antics but it was then followed by an almost unnoticeable grimace. His shoulder still hurt. “I signed the discharge papers, so I’m leaving.”

I tried to convince him to stay, but in the end, he was an adult and it was his decision. Hell, I wasn’t even family so my opinion had no value. I helped him get dressed in some fresh clothes Vicky had dropped by before work. She had come by with Ella and Charlie so they could see their father.

Dave appeared self-conscious and uneasy at needing help for such a simple thing like getting dressed. “Look Dave, you only have two options: Stay here and have nurses care for you. Leave and have me care for you.” Begrudgingly, he complied.  

The bodyguards also came in handy when I wasn’t able to help Dave into and out the car on my own. Dave was silent the entire drive, most likely uncomfortable at having bodyguards when he was a bodyguard. I guess he felt the way I would have felt I had gotten a lawyer.

The car came to a stop in front of the building of my parents’ flat and David insisted on using the crutches instead of the wheelchair. I sighed but knew better than to argue. The guards did a quick scan of the flat before letting us in, finally alone.

“So, this is where my parents’ stay when they come to London,” I explained, as I showed Dave through the flat. I hated this flat: Everything was white and modern and I preferred things dark and old. We finally reached the corridor serving the bedrooms. “So, on the left is my parents’ room and on the right side is my bedroom,” I indicated, before entering my room and setting down David’s duffel bag on a chair.

“I thought your parents’ were divorced,” Dave finally spoke, his brows furrowed before he let himself rest his arms and sit down on the bed.

“Yeah, they’re not. They just don’t spend a whole lot of time together,” I drawled, opening the drawers I had left empty in the morning for his clothes. I was glad he didn’t comment. We had never really spoken about where he was to go after being discharged, but after all this, it would feel weird to leave him in his apartment. “There’s actually a lot of stuff we don’t about each other,” I chuckled, remembering something. “Like, are you allergic to any meds?”

We spent the rest of the evening tucked into bed. Dave didn’t want to admit it, but even standing up hurt. Besides, eating Chinese take-out in bed with Netflix on the background was my kind of evening. “What’s your favourite colour, love?” Dave asked with food still in his mouth, during his turn of the 20-questions game.

“Green,” I exclaimed without thinking. “But not apple green. More like emerald, Slytherin green.” Turned out, David thought of himself as a Gryffindor, just like I expected.

“Favourite subject in school?” After all we had gone through together, it was crazy that we still had to ask each other those questions. Perhaps, I should’ve asked why he had been spying on Julia? But whatever the answer, it wouldn’t change my feelings towards him so there was no point in asking it now and ruining the evening.

“English.” I raised my eyebrows, a tad surprised but he didn’t budge. “Why? Is my English not good enough for you, Miss Alma Guinness?” Dave asked mockingly but deep inside he was actually insecure at our difference in upbringing.

“No, I just expected you to say P.E. like just about every guy I’ve ever met,” I confided and we both laughed.

We called it an early night at 9pm since we were both exhausted. Back in bed with our teeth brushed, Dave and I stared at each other in silence as we realized that we had never slept in the same bed without having sex first. “Alright, I’ve always wanted to be the big spoon at least once in my life so roll on to your good side and let me cuddle you,” I blurted out, trying to dissipate the uneasiness. It seemed to work although I soon realized being the big spoon was much less comfortable than the little.

“Do you want to switch, love?” Dave offered, trying to hide a chuckle.

“Just shut up Dave,” I mumbled with amusement. The room went silent for a few minutes and I tried falling asleep, without success.

“Love,” Dave whispered out of the blue. I squeezed his hand to let him know I was listening. “I forgot to delete the text messages on my phone so DCI Sharma and DS Rayburn already knew about us when they interviewed you,” he confessed, almost sheepishly.

“So, you’re telling me I went through that embarrassment for nothing?” I blurted out accusingly, but then we both had to agree that it was funny and would have been even more so if we hadn’t been the victims of the embarrassment.

I finally managed to fall asleep even though I knew that my arm, which was under Dave’s body, would hurt like hell in the morning. For a split second, I worried he’d have nightmares, his PTSD being worsened by the attack but I was confident the painkillers probably impeded that.

I woke up three hours later with a loud noise and some cursing. Eyes still closed, I brushed my arm over the mattress next to me. David wasn’t here. Panicked, I turned on the light and left the bed, searching for him.

“Shit David!” I cursed immediately when I found him. He was lying on the bathroom floor, his hand squeezing his thigh in agony, the crutches on the ground next to him. I hurried my way to him, helping him up again. At least the stitches hadn’t ripped but that was little consolation considering the pain David now was in. “What were you thinking?” I blurted out, anger covering my worry. “I told you to wake me if you needed to use the bathroom.”

“I’m not an invalid,” Dave spat out, escaping eye-contact with me. His knuckles were white around the crutches and I figured out that the emotional pain of being injured was as bad, if not worse, than the physical pain for him.

He kept on refusing my help, protesting each time I went to help him but when I reminded him that he could either let me help him or I would call one of the bodyguards to do it, he complied. I sat him down and then waited for him outside, before walking him back to the bedroom.

--------

I was wide awake again. Dave had managed to get back to sleep but I wasn’t so lucky. Sighing, I left the bed, making as little noise as possible. I walked to the living room and got my laptop from the heater.

Turning it on, I noticed I had new email message, from a masked address. “Meet me, tonight at 2am. 13 Holly Road, Hounslow.” The email had been sent to the one email address, out of the four that I owned, that wasn’t linked to my phone, which meant they knew the Police had it.

A smart person would have ignored the email and joined Dave in bed. I was too tired to be smart. I was exhausted, annoyed and quite frankly, I just wanted to put an end to all this madness in my life. Feeling numb, I walked to the kitchen and stepped on a chair to reach the high cupboards. I had hidden it in there long ago, never thinking there’d be a time where I’d need it. But that time had just come, I thought drily and I grabbed a gun from inside a cookie box and the bullets from the empty cereal bag.

I checked in on David one last time, before going back to the living room, out to the balcony and then climbing up to the rooftop. The door was open just as always, and I managed to get inside the elevator without the guards noticed I had left the flat.

[rohobi]

Pulse 03 | (m)

Kim Taehyung | Medical AU |  Smut | Angst | Trauma | Patient death | Medical Jargon | Medical Inaccuracies | Mature Content | Multi-fandom Medical Team |

COUNT: 8k Words  CHAPTER SUMMARY: ❝There are wounds that never show on the human body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.❞ LISTEN ▶ 

↳ INDEX → CHAPTER 4

↣ SEOUL HEARTS HOSPITAL | Dr. Kim Taehyung

Changing into a new pair of blue scrubs in the bathroom, Taehyung asks himself at which point did everything in his life go wrong. He was so tired. So fucking tired and so fucking unhappy and so fucking miserable. He’s been hiding it behind a smile, burying it deep within him.

A pain like no other. 

He scrubs his face with a cleanser he thinks belongs to Dr. Yoongi, hoping that it might make him feel grounded in something other than misery. But no matter how hard he scrubs, the feeling’s still there. 

Like scum.

Patting his face dry with a white face cloth, he takes a deep breath. It might as well tattoo itself across his face, nothing could take it away. Sadness made its home in his bones a long time ago and now he was living with the consequences of it.

The memories of a happy life he once had, grew into shards of glass over time, cutting him up in the inside. Why can’t he go back to that time? Why can’t he be that person he was? Why does he feel so damn guilty all the time when he was just trying to be a good son for a mother who’s on her way out? 

The wounds he sustained, ripped open at every reminder of you, are his worst enemy to date. He wonders if his mother’s aware that everytime he smiles, the ingenuity of pretending to be happy tastes like rotten fruit on his tongue.

He could never be happy again, as neurotic as that sounds, he doesn’t think he deserves to be. 

He hates himself.

Staring at his face in the mirror, he takes another deep breath as he stands up straight. He adjusts the lapels of his pristine white coat while brushing his teeth with his other hand. At least he enjoyed his job, the patients were usually older adults who reminded him of his grandmother, it was nice being around people who liked him. Lots of broken bones.

It was ironic, a doctor who could mend broken body parts for other people, lived uncomfortably with a broken heart.

One he broke himself.

One he could never mend on his own. Taehyung wondered if he would get any category one acute surgeries tonight. He loved the cases from ED. Traumatic neck of femur fractures -the greater trochanter fracture in particular were fun, he enjoyed being the specialist whenever he ran down. He loved the spinal injuries and the tibial fractures, knees and shoulders.

Bones. He loved them. It was the best distraction from life that he knew. Taehyung had always been really interested in Emergency Medicine but he could never do it, knowing it was your speciality and knowing you’d never want to see him again. 

He tried to respect that, he tried to respect the distance you wanted but sometimes, he just wants to know if you're okay. If you're happy. If you're loved. If you ever kept his child. If someone took up the space in your life that he used to. He's too afraid to act on those curiosities, to cowardly to come forth, too ashamed in himself for letting people control him, too ashamed for never standing up for himself, too afraid of the consequences his family offered if he did not follow their orders. He was a coward. Rinsing his mouth out, he frowns at himself in the mirror. This was the real him, the real Taehyung, the real person who never put up a pretence, someone who was unhappy and in pain every single day. But who else wasn't in pain. He adjusts the red, blue and green pens in his front coat pocket and wraps the bright red stethoscope from his pocket, around his neck. He turns the light off before closing the door behind him. Checking his pager, he clips it on to the waistband of his pants before pushing through the doors with his shoulder. Dr. Yoongi, Taehyung’s bestfriend, waits in the hallway for him with a coffee and an apricot danish for Taehyung. “Morning loser,” Yoongi says, handing him a bag and a coffee, “Got you a coffee that resembles your taste in woman.” "Morning? It's like 8pm," Taehyung smiles, sipping the bitter tasting beverage. “Yuck, Yoongi, my taste in women is not bitter.” Yoongi smiles. “You know, she called me last night, told me you hadn’t come home in a month, that true?” Sighing, he rolls his eyes. “I sent over the divorce papers, I’m only going back there if it’s to pick up those signed documents.” “Sounds about right,” Snorting, Yoongi wraps his arm around his shoulders. “You’ll finally be free from her? How do your parents feel about letting you loose?” “I haven’t told them yet,” Taehyung looks away from Yoongi, gesturing to start walking to work. “I’m pretty sure they’ll disown me. Anyway, enough of that, ready for a good night?” “Sure, we’ll talk about it later," Yoongi sips his own coffee. "I’m more than ready for a good shift actually. I've slept for 12 hours. Had to lecture the new guppies about social hierarchy yesterday, I swear they get loopy when they have rotations at Forest Lake. What are they putting in the water that makes them dumb?” “I don't know, whatever you’re drinking,” Biting into his pastry, Taehyung smiles wickedly at the blonde boy as he marches down the clean white hallway towards the Orthopaedic medical doctors office.

* * *

They stand in the office, preparing to do rounds on the ward. Taehyung’s looking at the list of patients he needs to visit experiencing post-operative delirium and constipation. He has students working with him tonight and Taehyung was fully prepared to dump his workload on them for “experience”.

Yoongi is signing discharge letters for patients leaving in the morning, writing prescriptions for pain relief and documenting orders for the morning nurses. The ward was quiet this evening, leaving a settled and peaceful evening for the nurses on shift but Taehyung wasn’t about to use the ‘q’ word in front of them.

“Shall we see our patients now?” Taehyung smiles, grouping up his 6 tired orienting medical students. “Why are you looking at me like that guys? Doctors rounds are fun and educational.”

“At this time?” One of his students snort laughs. “Not on this ward, it’s just old people-

-shut up Taemin,” a short girl says, she crosses her hands over here chest, rolling her eyes at the boy as she does. “You’re being disrespectful. Dr. Taehyung, please lets visit our patients. Quicker we can do this, quicker we can go home,” Younggi smiles up at him, “And I’d personally really love to see their progress.”

“Jesus Christ,” Yoongi curses under his breath. "Fucking brown noser."

The student ignores Yoongi as she stares back down at her black leather loathers.

“Every patient is your grandmother, try to think like that,” Hitting the top of Taemin’s head with his clipboard, Taehyung instructs a third student to push the trolley of patient files with them as all 6 students follow him down the ward hallway. Taehyung discards his coffee in the rubbish bin on the way. “Okay, because I know you all want to go home and sleep, let’s work in a team. Sound good?”

They all smile. Walking over to the trolley, he gives each of them a patient file. “What do you want us to do with these?”

“There’s six of you, pair up,” he says, watching them look at each other in confusion. “One of you will be assessing and the other will be scribing. You have two patients each, remember to switch.”

Taehyung folds his arms over his chest, they all look at him scared. “Oh come on, when my best friend in med school was in third year, below all of you, she was diagnosing aneurysms and scrubbing in on operations and you guys can barely talk to a patient without crawling in on yourselves. Get a grip, all of you.”

“But ...without you?” Taemin asks. “Can we do that?”

“I’ve worked with all six of you this month. Closely and together as a group. You’ve all grown so much and I believe that you all will make exceptional doctors. Believe in yourselves?” he says, watching them all smile, “So, look at the patient files for five minutes before going in, be polite and think before you speak. If you can't answer their questions, use your confidence and come and get me. I hope that doesn't actually happen though because you all should know the answers. Go on now.”

They all smile at him, clearly happy with the assignment.

“God, Taehyung,” Yoongi groans from behind him. “You still do that? You treat them like babies. That's why they get dumb.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes as he watches the students head off to their retrospective patients. He’d given them all stable patients who had questions regarding the postoperative process. Nothing they can’t answer but it was always a confidence booster for his students and he loved seeing them go home happy.

“Yoongi, this is why I am the educator on this ward and you’re an asshole,” Taehyung picks out the last couple of folders before walking into the 4 patient room, handing one to Yoongi.

Yoongi sanitises his hands, pulling out his favourite black pen before following him in into the cubical.

Yoongi watches Taehyung sweeten up to the old lady covered in a mountain of blankets as he reads over her notes. “It’s lovely to see you again Dr. Taehyung, how are you?” she smiles, gazing up at Taehyung like he was the sun and she was the moon. Yoongi watches his little hands rub up and down on her purple, green and pink crochet blanket on top of her. “I’m better now that I have seen you,” he winks and she laughs softly. “I’m here to talk to you about your bowels. The nurses tell me you haven’t moved your bowels since the operation three days ago.” “Ooh my dear, a lady never does number 2 and tells,” She widens her eyes at him. “But yes, I have not. Those wicked nurses have been trying to get me out of bed, I’m just too old for this, doctor. It hurts too much.” Taehyung sits on her bed, cupping her hands. “They’re doing that for you. Exercise is good for recovery, especially since you’ve had a hip replacement. Quicker you’re up, quicker you can go home and be with your kittens.” “Oh is it?” she opens her mouth in a little ‘o’ that makes Taehyung giggle. "My kittens, oh I miss them terribly so." “Do you usually take medication for your bowels?” he asks and she shakes her head. “How about we try some?” She frowns. “I’m not taking any more of your pills doctor. I'm quite content with my remedies but the nurses won't let me take my herbal remedies and rubbing crystals. What can I do?” “Some of your remedies can have a dangerous effect on the medication we give you here, that’s why you can’t take them,” Unwrapping his stethoscope from around his neck, he smiles softly. “What about kiwifruit?" "What about kiwifruit?" “Kiwicrush. It’s a little shot of kiwifruit that helps you move your bowels, it's like a natural remedy, I assure you that it tastes very good,” he informs her, she nods hesitantly. “I’m going to listen to your stomach now, my stethoscope is a bit cold so don't be surprised okay?" "Okay," She nods again. "I'll try the fruit doctor." "Good, Yoongi please make a note of that," Placing the diaphragm of his stethoscope on her abdomen, he listens for any present bowel sounds. Yoongi draws a little picture of abdomen in her files as he examines her, watching Taehyung’s face for an answer. Taehyung frowns, shaking his head for Yoongi. Yoongi then draws a cross through it. Yoongi writes the prescription in her drug chart for kiwicrush and signs her notes before closing them and slipping out of the cubical to tend to the last patient in the room for him. “Everything okay?” she asks, a worried expression drawn across her face. “You frowned, am I dying?” “Oh don’t be silly,” Clasping her hands again, he smiles tenderly. “It’s just that I am a bit worried about your bowels at the moment, and getting you up seems to be the best option right now. I’m going to ask the nurses to give you some pain relief before getting you up tomorrow morning, just so it’s a little easier for you and then, I’m going to ask you to give it your best shot. Mobilising will be very good for your stomach Maurine.” “You sound like the nurse,” She laughs, smacking the top of his warm hand. “I’ll try for you. So, please, call me mama. I’m too damn old to be called anything else.” Standing up, he lifts the blankets up to her shoulders, making sure her toes are covered the way he knows she likes. He turns off the overhead light, leaving a small night light on for her. “Alright mama, you have a pleasant sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.” She hums her response as she turns her attention to the window beside her. She stares at the moon with a gaze he can only describe as suddenly haunting as the soft hues of light accentuate an unspoken fear drawn across her face, something Taehyung feels uncomfortable about. “What are you staring at mama?” he whispers, following her gaze out the window. "Are you okay?" "I am okay for now," Standing by the window, he presses his hand to the cold surface as he feels the wind brush against the surface underneath his palm. She laughs softly under her breath from behind him. “It’s a full moon. The wolves are out howling for blood. I’d be careful on such an auspicious night Dr. Taehyung, who knows what might happen.” He turns back to her. “It’s always an auspicious night when one is in a hospital mama, anything could happen here too.” Leaving her cubicle, he pushes the hand sanitiser on the wall into his palm, rubbing the dollop into his hands as he walks down the hallway. “You know, the other patients call her a witch,” Yoongi says, walking beside him with the trolley, patient file on top as he hurries with writing the last note. “Her notes say that she chants under her breath at people, gave me the shivers reading it but you seem close with her, so good for you. If you get hexed, let me know.” “You shouldn’t talk about people like that Yoongi,” Taehyung laughs, walking towards the nurses station. “You’ll be the one hexed. So, what was that patient's primary concern?”

Looking back at the notes, Yoongi says. “Another patient needing laxatives. Typical for this ward. I don’t know why you don’t just prescribe laxatives post operatively anyway. Saves so much time.” Taehyung shrugs, leaning against the station. “I would if it were me doing it. It’s Dr. Minho. He thinks the best laxative is water and exercise.” Yoongi snorts. “He sounds out of touch with real patients.” “He’s a good doctor Yoongi.” “We’re all good doctors until we’re proven that we are not.” Settling in the nurses station, Yoongi starts nibbling at the cake the nurses left out, as Taehyung leans against the station. It was dark, the nurses had turned off the hallway lights so patients could settle to bed. The nurses station was empty as nurses eat their dinner in the fishbowl behind it. Their laughter flutters nicely out from their office into the long empty hallways. Taehyung’s ward was the only department in the hospital who did night doctors rounds. It was the only department in a rush to discharge people, shift them back home for recovery and it was good for student practice. “Dr Minho’s on tonight, floating between orthopaedics and urology by the way. You in ED tonight?” Taehyung asks, “I hear it’s been really busy down there.” “I’m the floater tonight,” Yoongi shakes his head. “We’ve got too many staff on down there. Too many damn know-it-all students too.” "Isn't that good though for the acuity?" he asks and Yoongi rolls his eyes. Looking over Taehyung’s shoulder, Yoongi sighs. "Speaking of the devils." The first lot of students walk towards Taehyung, file outstretched waiting for his signature to co-sign. “Younggi,” Taehyung says, reading over her exceptional penmanship. “Next time, just draw the lungs if you assess them. What is your plan? What do you want the nurses to do?” She smiles, looking at her partner. “Regular repositioning in bed, PRN asthma medications when symptomatic and lots of pillows for comfort.” "As if they aren't doing that already," Yoongi snorts behind Taehyung. "Your kids need to spend a week with the nurses, that'll make ‘em work." All the students arrive back and Taehyung reads through their notes, signing his name at the bottom. Congratulating them on their first lot of assessments. “Now, that is how we’ll do our night rounds from now on. In the morning however, it will be different. I will be assessing your assessment skills on morning ward rounds. One at a time, in front of all of us." They all groan. “Oh shut up, if you don’t like it, drop out,” Yoongi cackles, “You with the orange hair, put the folders back in the office and if you groan again, I’ll steal the muffin I saw in your backpack you had on earlier.”

Taemin, the boy with the orange hair, disappears to do so. "God," Taehyung says, yawning into the crook of his arm, "Why is it so settled tonight?" Yoongi laughs. "Trying to avoid the q word?"

"What's the q word?" a student asks. Know it all Younggi fills her in. "It means quiet, he's asking why it's so quiet tonight." Taehyung sinks against the station, dropping his head onto his hands, a loud groan falling from his lips as Yoongi leans up and smacks his head. "You didn't tell your stupid fucking kids not to say that word did you? Great." "Did I say something wrong Dr. Taehyung?" she asks, insecurity suddenly plaguing her usually confident demeanor. Taehyung stands up, turning to face her. "That word is a cursed word. We don't use it here."

"Oh. I'm sorry?" Re-emerging with his phone in his hand, Taehyung gasps loudly as Taemin walks towards him, face focused on his phone. He was 100% against students using phones on the ward at all times, often challenging them to stay engaged. “Taemin, you know the rules, I don't like phones on the ward- -you're gonna wanna hear this though. A code black has been triggered at Forest Lakes Hospital,” he looks up at the two senior doctors, suddenly pale faced. “My girlfriend’s a nurse there and she’s just texted me “FLH called a code black, it's not a drill, I am fine.” oh god.” "What's a code black?" one of the students asks much to the chagrin of the other students. "That some sort of medical emergency alarm bell?" Taehyung and Yoongi trade vacant looks. “What?” “It’s probably just a drill,” Yoongi says, picking his nails. “They always do them over there. They’re close to a military camp, lots of North Korean defectors get treated there. A code black is a bomb threat kids."  

Taemin looks up at Yoongi. “With all due respect, there is no way in hell that this is a drill. Look,” Turning his phone screen to Taehyung, a picture of ambulances rushing patients out, all wearing equally terrified facial expressions as they pile in the back of the trucks. “They’re evacuating people.”

“Are you sure you aren’t being pranked?” Younggi asks, hovering over his phone to check. Taehyung watches her double tap the picture, her face suddenly growing pale. 

“Doesn’t look like a prank does it?” Taemin whispers and they all watch her retreat back as she shakes her head. 

And then, all of their phones vibrate, pinging with texts, tweets and calls.

All 8 of them, pull out their phones.

Yoongi and Taehyung’s pagers go off. Ward phones start ringing. Grabbing his phone out of his coat pocket, Taehyung opens the first notification on the screen and the picture makes his heart stop; a wing of the hospital was on fire. A wing of your hospital was on fire. “Dr. Yoongi,” a nurse runs out, all the nurses following behind her. “Did you check your pager? Am I calling it in?” “Call it in please. Get your manager to remove all the patients in this ward. Orthopaedics is the mass casualty ward for this hospital kids. Whoever is the ward co-ordinator tonight in the nursing team, call all the other nurses, get them to come in immediately and cancel every single elective operation scheduled for tomorrow,” Yoongi says, reading his pager. "I want this ward cleared of patients within half an hour. I assume from the distance, patients will be arriving soon. So, let's do this quickly and properly according to your emergency protocol." “Why do we need to remove all the patients?” a student asks and Yoongi frowns at him. “Victims do better psychologically and physiologically where other victims are. Hence, why we need to get everyone out now and get the ward prepared for incoming patients.” “How many do you think we will get?” he asks again, his eyes widening in fear. Looking up to all the students and nurses pooling out from their office. Taehyung's hands suddenly begin to tremble by his side. “In this case, probably a lot.” “But you never know.” His heart begins to pound harshly against his ribs. Adrenaline surged down his body at the prospect of all those incoming patients; at the thought of you being in that building. “Text your families that you're okay.” Yoongi announces, pulling him out of his thoughts. Putting his pager in his pocket. Looking up to each and every nervous face in front of him, he grabs the department phone, immediately pressing the emergency number and holding it up to his ear. His hands are shaking but the only one who notices is Taehyung as a voice loudly screams into the receiver. Everyone in the room watches Yoongi's eyes widen and his head nod before hanging up again. "Fuck, it's real. All of you go, get ready. Remove these patients and clear this fucking ward right fucking now." "What about us?" Younggi asks, as the ward lights turn back on and nurses begin to frantically run around them. "What do we do?" “Text your families right now, none of you are going home tonight." ↣ FOREST LAKES HOSPITAL | Dr. Y/N The first blast hit the far west side of the hospital, where the VIP recovery ward was located, as you had run back into the dark and desolate, abandoned looking Emergency Department. You could smell the fire, you could even see it’s smoke boil up from the building in the northern windows of the ER. You ran harder. You were panting, completely solely running on adrenaline.

Your heart raced out of your skin as you looked in every room. In every bay. In every office. You were running completely on instinct and your instincts were telling you, someone was left behind. And you don’t leave people behind. No, not you. The force of the blast rumbled the entire floor, it was weak, a warning of what was yet to come and had you not been standing by an empty bed, it would have knocked you clean off your feet. Falling onto the white bed, plaster from the ceiling fell and the room seeped into darkness as the electricity completely cut out. No generator back up or anything provided you with a light to see in the dark either.

You coughed into your hand as you inhaled the plaster. 

“Hello, is anybody here?” you had screamed, coughing as you run through the hallway you’ve memorised by heart. “We don’t have much time, is anyone here?”

A voice muffled behind a door screams loud and clear out for you as they bang their fists on the hard wood. “PLEASE SOMEONE, I’M STILL IN HERE!” You were right. "HELP ME, I’M STILL HERE, OH GOD I’M STILL IN HERE, HELP ME PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME!” Running down another hall, you hear a terrified scream from behind the controlled drug room. Someone remained like you had thought, banging on the door for their dear life. The door shook from the sheer force of their desperation to get out but the lock made it impossible to break free. “I’m still here,” they sobbed, banging on the other side of the door, “Please save me.” You don’t think as you run towards it, punching in the code for the room and forcing the door open with all of your might. The doctor on the other side had tears down his face, falling straight into you. It was Jungkook. Idiot doctor and housemate, your Jungkook. "Y/N," he sobbed, looking completely broken. "I thought I was going to die." “Well, I’m glad you’re alive and all but we need to go, right now." He looked distraught and terrified, but of all, he looked relieved. Grabbing his hand, you run with every inch of strength you can muster out, of that goddamn building. He holds your hand tightly, practically dragging you as he runs faster, jumping over shattered glass and plaster. 

You hold images of Sunny in your mind as you pick your feet up. You hold the sound of her laughter and her cries, her singing, her screaming. You think of Taehyung, his smile, his embrace, his warmth. You think of a life you still think you can have. You think of punching Taehyung in the jaw when you see him next, you couldn’t die today knowing you haven’t. No, not today satan.

You run towards the clearing. And the automatic doors... ...they don't open. “What the fuck, why won’t they open?” you ask, waving your hand up to the monitor. “Fuck, I thought these would open in an emergency?” Jungkook bangs against the glass. Jimin and Seokjin look up, prompted by the loud banging. Ramming his shoulder into the glass, it doesn't budge. He throws everything close to him at the doors, again, it doesn't budge. They’re stuck. Irene holds back the boys from running over to help you. They had parked on the far end of the carpark to be safe as they waited. You both stare at the red lights of the ambulance in the night. “We need something heavy to smash it.” you say, “We’ll get out, don’t worry.” “How can I not fucking worry?” Jungkook shouts, throwing himself at the glass doors. “It’s just fucking glass, why won’t it break?” “It’s shatterproof material Jungkook.” Looking for an emergency button on the doors and falling short, “I’m going to find the emergency axe thing Jungkook, keep trying to pry it open okay?” 

You were certain that there was an emergency axe somewhere, you had seen it before and wondered if you'd ever need to use it and for what. Slipping on blood, you fall to the floor as the ground continues to shake beneath you. "Where is it, come on Y/N, think." Getting up again, you run to the hallway leading off to the operating theatres and that's where you find the axe, contained in a glass box, nailed to the wall by a fire extinguisher. Punching the glass, it's splinters piercing your knuckles, you grab the axe. You were certain that when this adrenaline stops fuelling your attempts to survive, everything is going to hurt. But you don't have time to think about that as you run back. Jungkook's running into the doors, kicking and screaming at it, continuously bruising his shoulder. “I’m not dying in this fucking building.” "Jungkook," you shout, he turns, eyes glinting in happiness at the sight of the axe. "I have no strength, you smash it." He takes it happily, immediately hacking at the door. "I need to get out." he chants, each time the axe hits the doors. "I'm not dying today." The axe cracks the glass but it doesn't shatter like you thought it would. He hits it again and again, only cracking it. “What the hell is this fucking thing made of?” "Jungkook," Turning to survey your area, you grab anything hard enough to throw through the glass. "Jungkook, move out of the way." "What?" He turns, watching you throw a vital signs machine straight into the cracked glass with a strength you didn’t think you had, shattering it completely. He watches in slow motion as the glass shatters and falls to the linoleum floor. He screams happily as he throws the axe into the reception to their left. He grabs your hand as you run over the ocean of glass pooling onto the sidewalk as you both run into the carpark. The ambulance was so close, yet so far away. The fresh air hits your lungs as you breath it in and then out. You were free. You would be okay too. 

Jungkook turns to you, smiling widely at you. “I’m free!”  "Kim Seokjin! Park Jimin!" you scream, running towards them, "Open the back doors!" But they never hear you, and that you are grateful for because what happens next would've definitely hurt him too. 

The second blast hit as you were running out of the building with Jeon Jungkook. The force of this blast, much bigger than the first, had thrown you in the air and onto the soft grass by the car park, metres away from the now swaying ambulance, winding you. Jungkook had fallen onto the hard concrete pavement of the carpark beside you, hands falling on shards of broken glass, blood dripping from his forehead. He screams in agony, feeling the bone of his arm break and tear through his skin on impact.   Black coloured smoke rushes out of the burning building, covering you and Jungkook in a cloak of silent darkness. It chokes you, filling your lungs with it’s painful toxin as you try to breathe. Jungkook looks at you, expression pleading, lips moving to form words you can’t understand. Everything is blurry and dark and deep and your falling into yourself as black spots fill your visual field. You can’t hear anything but a loud ringing in your ears, you can hear the faint scream of Jungkook at the back of your brain but you can't process what he's saying. He looks at you desperately, is he hurt? That's a stupid question. You know you should get up but you feel compressed, stuck to the ground, and you can’t breathe, feeling winded as though your lungs had lost their ability to take in oxygen. You try to get up, falling back to the ground. Were you hurt too? You look over to Jungkook again, watching him battle his demons, forcing himself to get up and to you. You watch as if it were in slow motion as Jungkook pulls himself up, rushing over to you as he cradles his left arm in his now dirty white coat. There’s a god awful whirlpool of horror in his brown eyes as he runs over to you, you may have saved him but he definitely earned it because he saves you right back. You pull yourself up as much as you can before his arm wraps around your waist, holding you up as you both run to the ambulance. You look back at the building, still standing with flames and smoke boiling out the windows. You knew it wouldn’t last long until it collapsed or forced to the ground by another and much larger explosion. You didn’t want to be here for that. Blood dripped from your ears and down the sides of your soot covered face, building materials you couldn’t identify laced through your hair, shards of glass embedded into the skin of your arms. You felt like you had been punched in every soft part of your body. Jungkook looked equally as dishevelled. Waving you both over, Jimin and Irene rush you both into the back as Seokjin revved the engine. Minutes pass of complete silence as you rush. Isn’t that weird, after something so huge, there was just silence? No piercing screams, no sirens, no pleas for help, just fire, fear and silence. Pulling themselves in first, Irene and Jimin sit opposite each other, strapping themselves in.   The third blast hit when you were trying to close the doors behind you. The blast wave hit the truck, pushing you into the back of the truck, shattering the windows, prompting Seokjin’s immediate acceleration as Jungkook toppled straight on top of you.  

The glass from the window narrowly missed the intubated patient on a stroller in the middle of the ambulance, but it cuts across Irene's cheek, something she'll probably need stitches for. She wails in agony, holding a hand against her cheek, immediately applying pressure to the wound as dark red blood dripped down her neck and onto her scrubs. 

Jungkook was afraid of letting you go, and for that, he saved you again. The doors slapped against the sides of the ambulance as Jin speed through the carpark and as far away from the hospital as he could. You wrap your arms around Jungkook’s waist tightly as he held onto anything that would keep you both in the ambulance as it sped away. His dead arm curled up painfully against your chest underneath him as Jin's abrupt driving makes you swing underneath him towards the other side of the truck causing shards of glass to tear through your coat as you do. You scream in agony, feeling the shards slice and embed into the flesh of your ass. It’s sweltering, a burning pain filling you by waves as it rolls over you, over and over again. You were hurt everywhere. 

"Are you okay Y/N?" Jimin shouts at you. You clasp onto Jungkook tighter, eyebrows flexed as pain tears through your body. “Hold onto him, we’ll get you out of here!” Jungkook sobs, wailing in pure agony. The sound breaks Jimin as he watches, the once strong Jungkook, completely break and fall apart.   "It's collapsing!" Irene shouts and you all look back to watch in horror as the sound of destruction echoes across the night sky. "The hospital. Our homes. You guys could've ...that was so close." she sobs loudly, feeling the horror of what could've been you two so deeply into her bones. “Drive faster,” Jimin screams, hitting the back of the front seat. Jungkook and Irene watch the orange flames burst from black clouds of smoke, as the hospital collapses from the emergency exit they just left, “Drive fucking faster Seokjin!” He presses his foot on the accelerator with sirens blasting and red lights flashing through the graphite night as he zips away. “I’m driving as fast as I fucking can!” Irene screams when he skids around a corner, her head hitting the wall hard as he drives straight through the car park entrance sign. The sound was like nothing she had ever heard before when she looks to her right, the once dark night now full of orange light as the fire boils and consumes her home away from home. It was haunting, something Irene would never forget. 

They had only just gotten away from the building in time when fire began to rain down onto the trees, there would no doubt be a forest fire too. Everyone would be working overtime tonight. “Irene, are you okay?” Jimin asked, watching her rub the back of her head. She pulls her hand back, fingers covered in blood. Grabbing one of the only packets of gauze from beside him, he clears his throat. “Hold these to your head and hold on tight to your chair okay? We’re going to be fine.” She pants, biting her bottom lip. “Are you sure?” Jimin looks at everyone in the ambulance, he doesn't think he should dignify that question with a response, you were all safe now. “Go, Seokjin! Get us out of here!” Jungkook yelled, as he sunk his head into the crevice of your neck. “Get us to the hospital!” How you both hadn’t died was a mystery. Irene and Jimin pull you both further in by the collars of your coats, dragging your glass covered bodies further into the ambulance when Jin drives over a bridge, forced to slow down. "Irene, grab Jungkook," Jimin says, watching her pull Jungkook up beside her, strapping him into the seat. Pulling you up, he forces you into the seat beside him as he sobs. "Y/N, I've got you. You're okay now, you're okay now." He holds you close, telling you something you can’t hear but he's crying and he's crying hard. He looks like a wreck. 

Holding your hands up to his checks, you wipe away his tears only to smear blood and soot across his face, he leans into your warmth. At least the sentiment was there. “Jimin, I have no idea what you are saying,” you think you shout, dropping your hands and leaning against him. The blood dripping down your right ear stains his green scrubs. “The barotrauma ...I think I have a ruptured eardrum in my right ear. Left feels like it’s resolving. I can only just hear you kind of.” He nods, red eyes sweep over yours. “I’m very glad you’re safe” he mouths and you smile softly up at him, glad you are too. Jimin hands you a bottle of water as he pulls out the first aid kit to attend to the cuts on your face. "Call Yoongi, tell him you're okay. I know he's probably worried." Jimin smiles, lips quivering. "I did, he was scared, still is I bet. The phone cut out during the second explosion, I'm just going to have to wait to see him at the hospital." "What? I can't hear you? Did you call him? yes or no?” Jimin nods, gesturing for you to drink the water. You looked worse for wear with your bloodied and blackened white coat; ripped, crimson stained scrubs; messy hair tied in a loose ponytail; and soot covered face but you were okay.    You were feeling okayish. Drinking the water, you sag against him. Jimin dabs your fingers, brushing his fingers over your pulse, completely thankful you still had one. You look out the ambulance window to see your hospital, the once tall white and green structure, up in flames. All those years of hardwork, patients you’ve saved, lives you’ve lost, friends you’ve made, memories you’ve cherished. All gone. Seemingly in the blink of an eye.

You suddenly want to cry. 

Today wasn’t a normal day at all. As you drink the last of your water, you feel your left ear pop and then you hear the unmistakable sound of the ambulances sirens and Irene shouting at Jungkook and Jimin shouting at Seokjin to update the hospital. You could hear and you wish you couldn't. Everything happened at a lightening speed, as though it all occurred within the single blink of your eyes. Seokjin pulls out the radio, bringing it to his lips as he speeds through the intersection, sirens blazing. “Seoul Hearts hospital, this is Ambulance 22 Kim Seokjin speaking. We are currently enroute to your facility with a 32 y/o male motor vehicle accident victim from Forest Lakes. Patient is unconscious, intubated and-

-yes, we came from Forest Lakes," he stops, listening attentively to the voice on the other end that you can't quite hear. "Mass casualties ...how many have you already got?" "32?!" he shouts, "We'll you're about to get three more- He then scoffs into the radio. “Don’t interrupt me. I have nurses Park Jimin and Bae Irene, Drs. Jeon Jungkook and Y/N who are injured- “Yes, I know the hospital has just blown up, I’m looking at it in my rearview mirror right now, we have two injured doctors in the back of the ambulance as well! Possible internal trauma, possible broken extremities,” he snaps, frustration ebbed into his voice, “We are unable to take current accurate vital signs of the patient and the doctors but our patient is unstable as hell. I'll update you if things change. See you in 5 minutes.”

He slams the radio back down. “Buckle up kids, we’re driving through the city now. Y/N,” Seokjin shouts from the front, “You good?” You nod, feeling your hearing fully come back in your left ear. “I think so?” "Good, you crazy fucking bitch, don’t you ever fucking do that again or I’ll cut your legs off." You're all staring out the back of the ambulance, watching the reactions of the public move out the way for Jin and gape at the very mangled up looking ambulance. It's almost a spiritual experience being in this position, having people responsibly move out of the way for you as you zip impossibly fast through red lights and traffic. "How's the patient doing?" you turn and ask Jimin, who had been watching you the entire time. His face pale. "What’s his vitals looking like?" "What?" Jimin shakes his head, forcing himself back into reality. "Um, I haven't checked. Hold on." You watch his heart monitor, the vital sign of life beat after beat after beat. You frown at a particular beat as it moves. "His hearts not looking too good," you point out. "It's not often but his hearts skipping a couple beats." "After everything, I would expect that too. We're just lucky he hasn't got a serious cardiac illness otherwise, he's fucked." Jimin says, shifting beside you. You watch him try to breathe. It was an insidious reminder of your responsibility to save this man. He was dangling by threads, he was so close to death. You look away from the numbers on his screen. You stare at your soot covered hands. That could’ve been you. “Seokjin,” you shout, “How far away are we from Seoul Hearts?” “A couple of minutes,” he shouts back at you, “You don’t need to shout at me you know!”

“I can’t hear anything well,” you say, pointing to your ear and the dried blood around it. “I think the blast burst my right eardrum.” Irene laughs suddenly, smacking her thigh. “I hate to laugh but consider yourself lucky it was just that. When you ran back in, I didn’t think we’d see you again. Jimin ...he-” “I thought I lost you,” Jimin interrupts, not wanting to relive those moments of his life. “You’re stupid but you’re incredibly brave saving Jungkook like that. How did you even know he was in there?” “I had a feeling someone was still in there, that’s just it,” you nod, looking over to Jungkook. The boy looked frightened as hell. “He would’ve saved me too, that’s for sure.” Jungkook stays silent, eyes wide as he tenses his jaw. You watch him cradle his arm, was he hurt? Jimin looks at him, shaking his head. “She saved your life Jungkook, you could’ve died back there. Why do you consistently and constantly go against your superiors instructions? What is wrong with you- -I got locked in the drug room!” he shouts back at Jimin, “It locked behind me when Namjoon asked me to clear it, she only found me because I was screaming for my fucking life. You think I don’t already know that I could’ve died back there, I know okay! I know it very well. I called my parents while I was holding a vial of fucking ketamine, I apologised for being a shit, I told them that I was locked in a room and that I was going to die. You think I wanted to hear my mother cry?” “Jungkook,” Jimin musters, unsure what to say, “I’m sorry, I- “-I was going to swallow it, you know. With the first sign of fire, I was going to kill myself. My girlfriend ...all I could tell her was that I was sorry that I loved her… I could’ve died back there, I could’ve seriously died back there.” Jimin crosses his arms over his chest. "But you didn't because she ran back- -and saved my life." Jungkook finishes. “Oh shut up both of you,” Irene shouts, “Pick up your damn phone and tell your family, you didn’t die already. Who knows what they’re doing thinking you’re dead. Hell, if I loved you, I would be driving out here right now to try and get you out.” “Seokjin,” You ignore their discussion as you gaze back at your patient. “Are we close?” “I’m driving as fast as I can with my sirens on, Y/N,” he shouts back clearly agitated, “Just focus on monitoring your patient. And Jimin, shut up and please Irene, fucking deal with Jungkook’s arm instead of pissing him off. It looks bent as fuck from the rear-view mirror. The kid is obviously hurt psychologically and physically, stop being assholes and be compassionate.” “You’re hurt?” Irene gasps, her voice now dripping in sympathy. Her bloodied fingers reach out for him. He lets her tender touch explore the mangled arm from underneath his coat. “It’s broken. How did this happen?” You snort. “Besides the hospital blowing up and the waves that were emitted from the explosion travelling at a supersonic velocity straight through us, throwing us in the air with all that glass and onto hard concrete and debris?” “I fell on it,” he says, watching Irene open up the bag on the floor. She nods her head. “You hurt anywhere else?” He shakes his head, letting her dab the wounds on his face with saline and gauze. It’s quiet again as she works his wounds, there’s not much she can do with his arm trapped in his coat like that, he’s just going to have to wait. Irene hands Jungkook her phone to call his family before finishing up on his wounds.  Jungkook dabs her cheek with some gauze. Everyone was hurt in different ways but they were alive. 

The ambulance grows silent when Jungkook sends the group text to his parents and to his girlfriend. 

Jimin fusses over your knuckles, his mind on fire with residual grief and anger over your stupidity and bravery.  But you were okay. For now.

* * *  

Jungkook stares at the face of your patient.

He filters through the faces he knows, the patient’s he’s treated before leaning forward to look at his wrist band. “Oh it’s this guy, oh man, didn't think he'd come back,” he says, looking up at his cardiac monitor carefully, scrutinising every wave of his heart beats, “Y/N, are you aware that your patient has a past cardiac history?”

“Yes, angina pectoris,” You nod your head, pointing to his monitor as Jimin cleans your arms, “Are you worried about those PVC’s (heart skipping a beat) too? He's post motor vehicle accident, fucked himself up pretty bad. He needs surgery pretty much as soon as we get to Seoul Hearts.”

“Angina?” He frowns, prompting Irene to swap places with him beside the head of the patient. “He doesn’t have Angina, I have a photographic memory, I would’ve remembered that. He had an acute myocardial infarction a couple weeks ago and he hasn't been compliant with his medication-

-what!” you shout, interrupting him, commanding the attention of the truck as you dart your eyes into his. “This patient's had a heart attack before? That wasn’t in his medical files at all when he came in. That’s pretty fucking important information. Jimin,” you turn to the boy. “Did you get a history from the family?”

Jimin shakes his head. “Didn’t have time with the code. They still don't even know he's a patient.”

“I can see Seoul Hearts Hospital now, we’re about 2 minutes away.” Jin says, but you’re heart is racing hard against your ribs now. It’s like a dose of adrenaline and you suddenly feel so awake.

“If what I am thinking has happened, this patient probably crashed his car because he had chest pain. Irene,” your voice is shaky, everyone in the ambulance detects the urgency in your voice. You forget about the bomb. “Did you get any cardiac biomarkers from the bloods you took?”

“The ones that detect heart muscle death?” Her eyes widen as she tries to remember, clearly put on the spot as everyone looks at her. “Oh my god. I think so, like almost ...almost immediately but Dr. Namjoon came in before I got to ...I didn’t have time to check exactly.”

“What were they, do you remember? It’s okay, take your time. It’s important to remember which ones there were.”

She closes her eyes and Jungkook resets the vital monitor to get an accurate reading. “He’s hypotensive with ventricular dysrhythmia,” he says, printing the ECG out. He grabs the pen from his pocket as he reads the rhythm carefully. “Was it troponins T and I Irene? Do you remember a T?” She opens her eyes, pursing her lips at him. “I think it might’ve been but I don’t remember- -Y/N, his heart rate is 165, blood pressure is 80/40. I think he’s in cardiogenic shock,” Jimin cuts in. “Vitals are crashing.” "Good timing." you slap yourself. 

“Fuck the bloods. Holy fuck,” Jungkook circles a portion of the rhythm, spotting an ST-elevation in the electrocardiogram (heart attack), holding it up to you as Seokjin drives. “He’s having a fucking heart attack right now Y/N.” “What do we do?” Irene asks. You look back at his cardiac monitor seeing it clear as day now that the patient's heart rhythm goes from erratic to nothing. "HES ARRESTING," Jimin shouts, pulling you out of your gaze. "He’s going into cardiac arrest Seokjin!!“ “This can’t be fucking happening right now. Jimin, we need the defibrillator he needs defibrillation immediately. We need an epi?! Wheres the adrenaline?” You shout, unsure if you could jump straight onto the patient with the door open like that. It looked dangerous. “The ambulance isn’t stocked, there isn’t one in here,” Seokjin shouts from the front, “You’re going to have to do chest compressions until we get there but fuck, it could be dangerous for you with the door open so be careful.” “I’ve got this,” You close your eyes. "I can save him." “Jimin, ambu bag, right now. Get on the resps." Without hesitation, you get out of your seat as Jin turns, to straddle the patient. Holding your arms straight, you press the heel of your palm on his lower sternum, compressing it in a steady rhythm with your interlocked hands, one on the other. You hear a couple cracks almost immediately. "Irene, are you sure we don’t have any adrenaline in that bag?” She tips the back out onto the seat looking for a little vial, it all flies out the ambulance anyway. “There’s no medication in here, so no we don’t.” Jimin gently squeezes the ambu bag twice. "We're nearly at the hospital, I can see it out the window now." “Beginning ...30 compressions to 2 breaths. Jimin watch me closely," you say, feeling your own heart rip through your ribcage. "Seokjin radio report change in status.”  “Will do,” he shouts, pulling down the radio to call it in. “Hi, this is Seokjin, incoming ambulance from Forest Lakes we have a cardiac arrest in progress in the back of our truck, prepare for defibrillation on arrival in less than a minute.”  “25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. Resps!” Perspiration drips down your dirty face as you pause your chest compressions, turning to the two to the left of you. “Irene and Jungkook prepare to wheel me out of this ambulance and in to that fucking Emergency Department. No one is dying on my watch, not if I can help it.”

Jungkook and Irene look at each other as the ambulance comes to a halt outside the Emergency Department at Seoul Hearts Hospital. Turning off the engine, Jin runs around the truck, pulling down the ramp and grabbing the end of the stroller.

You can ear the screams of agony inside the Emergency Department from here as doctors rush in bright yellow aprons, blue gloves and white face masks towards your truck. 

“Let’s go, get out Irene and Jungkook,” Seokjin yells, pulling the stroller towards him and down the ramp with Jimin shuttling beside it. “Let’s move team! Keep doing compressions Y/N and hold on tight.” 

[yoosungiib]

Everything For Him - Seven x Reader(MC)

You and Seven have been married for a few months, and you are expecting your first child. The two of you are beyond the simplicity of ‘excitement’. Seven is finally getting the happy ending he thought he would never get… but in the blink of an eye, everything can be taken away in. It’s up to Seven to hold on to what he has, and realize, danger is not something anyone can ever escape or ever defy.

~~~

Important: Tense switches halfway through the fic.

y/n: your first name

h/c: your hair colour

e/c: your eye colour

~~~

It is a summer’s day when the two newlyweds walked along the streets, hand in hand, happiness radiating off of them to those passing by. The husband, a spunky redhead tickled the woman's sides, relished in her giggles and weak attempts to tickle back. The wife, the perfect picture of beauty with her (h/c) hair and plump, pink lips, five months pregnant. The woman kissed the redhead's cheek and wrapped her arm around his waist, pulling him closer to her.

“Saeyoung,” The woman whispered into the red-head’s ear. The man grinned, cheekily, and hummed a response. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”

The man, Saeyoung, laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I don’t think you have. That’s really sad to me. I guess I’ll just have to tickle you more.”

Another man walked down the street towards the young couple, his face and body hidden in black clothing, the only thing that can be seen were his indigo eyes and brown locks. As the man got closer and closer, Saeyoung squinted, the indigo eyes pulling something in his memory. He recognized the man, or moreover, the eyes, as a member at the agency Saeyoung once worked for. The world for the young couple changed in that single moment. Before Saeyoung could act, the man walking towards them had pointed his pistol at the young wife, and it was not the loud shot that could be heard across the country, but the scream of trepidation that enlisted from the husband as he watched his wife fall to the ground.

With no hesitations, however, Saeyoung sprinted after the man who started to run away. The man with the indigo eyes did not get very far since Saeyoung tumbled onto him, screaming at him while shaking his shoulder against the ground. People rushed over; a few go to aid the wife who laid unconscious on the gravel ground, and others go to pry Saeyoung off the man. When Saeyoung was finally pulled away, he turned towards his wife and his face turned a bleach white. Stuttering and walking feverishly, he fell beside his wife and sobbed.

She was alive, and the sirens could be heard in the distance, but her stomach bleed profoundly and the baby was presumed dead.

Thank god that wasn’t the case. When the wife was rushed to the hospital and sent into surgery, the doctor came back with the good news you and the baby would survive. There was no sigh of relief or joy from Saeyoung. He responded with silence as he stared off into space, the wheels in his brain spinning as he came to a conclusion with what he must do.

He looked through the window at his wife laying on the hospital bed, asleep with a content smile on their face knowing her and the unborn child are alright. His hand hovered over the doorknob before finally opening the door and being greeted by a rush of cold air and an ominous beeping sound. Saeyoung looked down at his wife from across the room before sitting in the chair placed next to her bed. Tenderly, he moved the loose strands of (h/c) hair that had fallen into her face. His fingers lingered over her soft cheeks, caressing gently.

Saeyoung took her hand and laid a kiss to her palm. His breath was shaky, and his voice cracked as he whimpered, “God, I’m so sorry.” He frantically wiped at his tears, not wanting anyone to see his sniveling face, or his sobs to wake you. “This would never have happened if you never choose me. You should have choose someone else.

“I didn’t protect you,” he concluded. “You don’t deserve this. A life where you’re forever at risk. You and the baby.” He touched her stomach and carefully trailed his hand up and down. The baby was definitely alive; he felt a small kick, and he chuckled. But it was not a happy a chuckle, it was a chuckle loathing a reality he saw, and the reality could not include him. He stood up and leaned over to kiss his wife's forehead. He took off his ring and put it on the bedside table. “I love you, (f/n).”

The plan was to slip through the door, leaving her to rest until she woke up and saw he wasn’t there, and he wasn’t coming back. Saeyoung was going to avoid the RFA members waiting in the hall to see her, and walk out the hospital doors, and never be seen again. He was going to get in his car, drive to a church and pray for forgiveness. And then he’d find a secluded area outside of town, where he would end it-

“Saeyoung?” He stopped midway to the door, his breath hitching. He covered his mouth to stop a sob from escaping. Saeyoung slowly turned around to face his beautiful wife who struggled to sit up. When she saw his face was as red as his hair and that his glasses were smudged, her face softened. “Honey, don’t cry. I’m ok. We’re ok.” She rubbed her stomach, smiling. “We’re all ok.”

Saeyoung didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Even after being shot on the street because of his carelessness, because of his job, she still seeked to comfort him, and she still opened her arms lovingly to him.

“Will you hold me please?” She asked. Her voice was so soft and sweet. He walked to the other side of the bed, gingerly getting on top and wrapping his arms around her small form, careful not to hurt her, and pulled her close to him. Leaning against the headboard, his head fell back to hit the wall. His thumb rubbed soothing circles on her shoulders while she rested her head on his chest. She could hear his steady heartbeat, and it gave her comfort.

He stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. She looked up, her eyes wide, curious to why he stopped. She moved to gently touch his cheek, but he turned his face away. She was confused as to why he wouldn’t take her affection. “I’m leaving,” he said.

At first, she just stared at him, bemused. She then laughed thinking Saeyoung was joking. But by the way his face stayed cold, her laugh became awkward. “Please don’t make jokes like that. You know I don’t like those-”

“I’m not joking.”

She pushed herself off of Saeyoung, not harshly, but enough to make him grimace, and she squinted her eyes. “What do you mean you’re not joking?”

“I mean, I’m leaving, (f/n),” he snapped, “I’m going.”

“Why would you say that?” she shouted. Her voice had raised profoundly. There was no gradual raises, but an immediate turn from soft to hard. “How could you say that?”

“Don’t be stupid.” Saeyoung moved off the bed, pulling his arm out of her grasp.

She tried to get off the bed but with some pain in her abdomen and being hooked to some machines, she could hardly swing your legs off the bed. “We are having a baby together, Saeyoung, and you are talking like this? I thought we were done with this. You being cold and thinking you are a risk to me. After everything we went through together, why are you doing this now?”

Her turned around with his face scrunched and his fists clenched. “So you are stupid? I nearly got you killed today.”

She lowered her voice, finally understanding why her husband was saying such things. “You’re blaming yourself for this? Why? This wasn’t your fault. It was just wrong place, wrong time-”

“You were shot by an agent at the agency I used to work for. This wasn’t just some guy walking down the street on a killing spree, you were targeted because you are my wife.” She stopped and connected the dots, and she stared at her hands and played with the ring on her finger. A tear slipped down her cheek; Saeyoung could not look at her.

“I still don’t blame you.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “well you should.” Slowly, he turned and headed back towards the door. His hand just touched the doorknob when she spoke.

“Please don’t leave me.”

She sounded so defeated, it was devastating for Saeyoung. He didn’t want to turn around and see her crying. He didn’t want to see her looking so broken anymore. Her voice was hardly above a whisper now: “I don’t want to lose you. We can work through this like we have before.”

Saeyoung’s laugh was as defeated as her voice. “How do I get you to see that there is no getting through this? I’m too dangerous to be your husband, and that was all proven today.”

“I knew what I was getting into marrying you. I married you knowing your past, I married you knowing you did dangerous work, and I married you because I love you. Why can’t that be enough for you to see we can?”

Once again, he turned to look at her, and he could see the paleness of her face, the crimson blush on her cheeks, and the hair he had fixed a mess again. That (h/c), soft hair he would run his hands through hours on when they cuddled in bed. He started to cry again, conflicted.

How could he leave when he saw her like this? “They know where we are, (f/n).” He sat down beside her and took her hands again, his tear slipped onto her skin. She rested her forehead against his and cried with him.

“Then we leave.”

Saeyoung cupped her cheek and looked into her (e/c) eyes. He saw so much through those eyes. They were so loving and welcoming. “You would give everything up like that? The house we have, the friends we have, the world we know, just to be with me?”

She nodded, and confirmed everything with a kiss, that she would give everything up for him.

You are discharged after two days of being in the hospital. Through those two days, Saeyoung is with you for every moment, and he makes up for every hurtful thing he may have said with kisses, cuddles, stories and laughs.

When you both go home, everything seems so quiet. Saeran is in his room, alone, and Vanderwood is busy cleaning up the house. The first person to know you two are leaving is Saeran. Mainly because Saeyoung wants to take Saeran with you guys. However, Saeran doesn’t want to leave, so of course, Saeyoung sells the house to Saeran. You feel bad knowing Saeyoung will be leaving his brother, and you express that, but Saeyoung assures you not to worry. When Vanderwood hears, he is a little annoyed -- only because he won’t have a place to stay. Sure, he could stay with Saeran, but even Vanderwood admits to being a little scared of him -- at first, but understands why, and doesn’t object.

A few days later, you and Saeyoung invite all the RFA members over for a get together, where you and Saeyoung plan to announce the plans for your departures. Everyone is happy to see you have recovered quickly and to hear the baby is doing well. An hour or so into the get together, Saeyoung rises and takes your hand. Before the words even leave his lips, he starts to cry realizing how much he will miss everyone, and how much he will miss this special organization. When you do finally announce it, besides Jumin, there isn’t a dry eye in the room.

Yoosung throws his arms around you and wails that he won’t have anyone to play LOLOL with him now. Zen pats Saeyoung’s back and gives him a ‘bro-hug’, telling him he’s done well. Jaehee surprisingly cries the most. She is incredibly close to you and doesn’t want to see you go. Jumin offers to pay for your travels and expenses, declaring it’s the least he can do for everything they have done for the RFA.

A week later, everything is packed, and you, your husband, and the RFA members stand outside the doors to the airport, giving your final hugs goodbye. When everyone leaves, the two of you stand outside for awhile. You pull out your ticket and stare at it. South Korea, to America. You look up at your husband to see him smiling, so you kiss his cheek and tickle his nose. He giggles and escorts you into the airport, his arm never once unraveling from your shoulder, and every so often, he would rub your stomach.

“Are you sure, babe? We can always turn back now. You… you don’t have to do this,” He asks before you get onto the airplane. You silence him with a kiss, a long one at that. You pull away and give him a small smile, tapping his glasses.

“I’m sure.”

Seven grins and scoops you up in his arms, running down the gate, pushing through the people. You giggle at his sentiment and kiss his cheek. “I 707, Defender of Justice, wholeheartedly swear to make this plane ride a nuisance for everyone!”

~~~

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Don't leave me baby | #39

Anon: No. 39 ^-^ have a nice day. #2. Pfff I totally forgot a member to put it with. LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN 39 with Jungkook please

#39 “Don't leave me baby.”  Drabble game.

author’s note: This is a little mafia!au oh gosh, so much angst. i hopeyou like anon~~☺️ Summary: “I know it hurts, but please...stay.” 

“Don't worry Kookie, she'll be okay.” Namjoon pat Jungkooks shoulder, he couldn't begin to fathom how Jungkook was feeling. He tried to provide some comfort to the distrot boy but what could he say? He's been in the hospital waiting room for hours, the look on his face told all. Dark bags under his eyes, a blank stare and his leg twitched anxiety.

Namjoon had come back to bring him some food, water and make sure he was doing okay. Jungkook was traumatized and he could understand why. When he arrived at the scene he saw you gasping for air in Jungkooks arms, Coughing up blood as you struggled to breathe. Jungkook was in shock, choking out only a few jumbled up sentences as he tried to keep you conscious, ‘Hyung, there's so much blood Hyung, there's so much blood. Stay with me Y/N, come on, stay with me’. Honestly the more Jungkook said that, the more he thought you weren’t gonna make it. When the paramedics showed up with ear wrenching sirens—it was a matter of seconds before you were ripped from him. They had to pry your limp body from him, after that you went unconscious.

—It had to be one of the saddest thing he's ever seen.

Jungkook was being held back, he didn't want you to be in the paramedic truck alone, he needed to be with you. “Let go! I need to be with her! Let go!-” Jungkook was a mess, tears streaming down his face in frustration, the farther the paramedic trunk went, the more he lost control of himself. I had to drag him away from the large blood spot on the pavement.

And now he's sitting in the waiting room, refusing to leave until he knows you're out of surgery. The front desk lady was kind enough let him sleep in the waiting room. It was early when he was awoken by the sound of patients being discharged and brought in. Namjoon was sitting across from him, coffee in his hands as Jungkook groggily sat up.

“When-...what time is it?” He stretched, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“7:30, I brought you some coffee.” He handed Jungkook the coffee and he grabbed it, sitting it on the coffee table beside him.

“Thanks...I need to clean up before I go check on her.” Jungkook got up, heading to the bathroom. When he came back, his fringe was wet from washing his face. He was a lot calmer now, he was just tired and emotionally drained, he didn't know how much longer he could wait.

“Sir?” A petite woman doctor came up to him.

“Yes? Is she awake? How was the surgery?” He shot up.

“She's awake and eating, she's recovering well but there's a few things you should know before you go in there. The operation took longer because we ran into a few complications- we didn't know she had anemia. She doesn't have an infection, so the operation it self was pretty smoothe. But, there is quite a lot tissue damage and-” When she looked up from her paper Jungkook was gone, past the hospital doors.

His heart was beating out of his chest, he didn’t know what he was about to walk in on; somehow, he gathered the strength to open the door. He cracked the door, looking at you with a soft gaze, immediately walking to the bedside—you looked good given your condition, but then again you always look beautiful to him

You peered up at him, slowly processing the fact that he was right there. “Hey...” You mumbled, a small smile coming to your lips as you thought of how pitiful you probably looked. He swallowed, he looked so scared but also relieved. He hesitantly extended his hand, touching yours lightly as he pulled a chair up to sit beside you.

“Hey...” He brushed the side of your jaw with his curled index finger. “They wouldn't let me go in with you, I'm sorry you were in here by yourself.” He looked down at your hands, they looked so fragile in comparison to his own—how could he have let someone so delicate get hurt like this?

“They operated for a long time, I was so scared, I thought- I thought the worse...Hyung wanted me to go with him but I wasn't gonna leave you here, so I stayed in the waiting room, the lady at the desk let me sleep there...” His nose had a light tint of pink, signaling that he was on the verge of tears.

“I love you Jungkook....” You cupped his face with the weak hand that had the IV in it. “But I- I don't know if-...” You couldn't get out the rest of your sentence, you but your lip to keep yourself from tearing up.

“If what?...” His brows furrowed in confusion.

You sighed uneasily. “You deserve to be with someone who can give you a family one day, Jungkook...I don't know if I can do that anymore...” 

“...What?” 

You didn't respond, he was smart enough to connect the dots. The gun shot wound was close to your vital organs, the doctor said carrying a child will be harder for you if you wanted to. You cried a lot after that. You asked the nurse not to let Jungkook in for a while or at least until you could come to good terms with yourself. But even now it was hard to really except your reality, this relationship was hard, this whole situation was hard and loving him had to be the hardest thing you've ever had to endure. But regardless of the pain,  you still loved him...

“What're you saying?...You mean, you want to?-...” He couldn't even get it out, he couldn't believe you actually wanted to call it quits, after all you've been through together, because you think he deserves more than you can give him. He could understand why you were so upset, he was upset too, but he would never leave you because of that—you meant too much to him.

“I-...I love you Kim Y/N, more than anything in this world...I don't care about having kids right now, all that matters is you being alive, safe and with me...One day we can settle down and try then-..but right now you need to recover, take time to heal and then we can worry about that.” Tears were already streaming down his pretty milky colored skin as he tried his best to stop sniffling. 

All that went through his mind was, ‘this is all my fault, this is all my fault’ 

“I know it hurts, it hurts me too...but I’m here, let me help you get through this please, just...” He trailed off, licking his lips anxiously. He pressed a damp kiss to the corner of your lips, making you to shut your eyes at the feeling—you loved that feeling he gave you. 

“J-Jungkook,” You stuttered, “don’t make this harder than it has to be...” If someone were to walk in right now they would think Jungkook was mourning a death. 

He held your hand to his cheek, loving the comfort he instantly felt when he’d feel your touch. “Don't leave me baby,” He shook his head, his warm tears dripping down his face and onto your hands, “please, I’m begging you, please, I can’t-...please, don’t leave me.”

my angel, 

my world,

just let me love you.