#there is so much to unpack! so i'm just trying to unpack it!!
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smile-files · 2 days ago
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hershel's logic for wanting to solve the mystery of the relic stones is incredibly fascinating to me, considering how it isn't straightforward at all.
katrielle's biological father is likely dead, and her biological mother, kamilla azan, is the same: in fact, kamilla had been returning to london on the ship where she died after giving birth to katrielle because she was still actively working on the relic stone mystery. hershel had falsely believed she was returning to london to buy back the relic stones, having first used them to triangulate the cave and then sold them to fund what would be an expensive expedition; katrielle currently believes she was returning to locate a seventh relic stone, which is possibly the real truth of the matter.
either way, even if hershel hadn't known the exact context which led to kamilla being on the ship when she died... he knew that kamilla lied about katrielle's father investigating the relics mystery because she wanted hershel to solve it himself, in that he would do so on the pretense of finding katrielle's "real father". he knew that kamilla died trying to solve the relic mystery herself, willing to put herself and her baby daughter (as well as her chance to have a normal, or any, relationship with her) at risk by taking the ship to london instead of waiting in lengullan to give birth. he knew that kamilla's desire to see the mystery solved was deeply embedded in every choice she made, and that, if not for this desire, katrielle would not be in his care in the first place.
i assume, then, that hershel's logic is as follows: katrielle's mother died trying to solve the relics mystery, and thus that he only exists as katrielle's father in any capacity because of that mystery and the desire to solve it. indeed, he became katrielle's "fake father" on the pretense that solving the mystery would help him find katrielle's "real father". thus, on account of the latter no longer being a tangible, existing entity, hershel seeks to become katrielle's "real father" by doing what her mother did: risking life and limb in uncovering the secrets of the relic stones, just as this nonexistent "real father" was said to have done. and katrielle doesn't know the circumstances behind her relationship to hershel, the events that led to him becoming her father at all... hershel believes that he cannot be her "real father" if this truth isn't revealed to her in its entirety: in other words, he cannot become her "real father" unless he first explains that he's her "fake father", which (to him) necessarily involves solving and uncovering the grand puzzle making him her father in the first place. he cannot fathom their familial relationship being real if he leaves any stone unturned: perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve it otherwise.
this is all particularly pertinent for someone like hershel to believe, as the fervent desire to uncover an archeological secret also wrenched a parent out of his own life: and, too, his other parent having died as well, he was also left to be adopted and take up the last name "layton". and other people in hershel's life have an obsession with the archeological too, particularly in relation to family matters: descole (most importantly) pursued the azran to avenge his broken family; randall wanted to solve the mystery of the akbadain partly in spite of his dismissive father; henry uncovered much of the akbadain's mystery himself for the sake of finding randall, whom he saw as a brother. indeed, we don't yet know why kamilla was so fixated on solving the mystery of the relics treasure, so perhaps she, too, was doing so for the sake of her family - even when, at the same time, doing so also forced her to relinquish her right to a relationship with her daughter. and, as kat says, she already saw hershel has her "real father": his desire to solve the mystery of the relics treasure to become her "real father" has actually come in the way of his ability to father her!
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dramarants · 1 year ago
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i only want love triangles if it's whatever fucked up polygon junmo kicheol and euijeong have going on
#the worst of evil#ranting#idk how to articulate how juicy it is#junmo's fierce protectiveness of his wife - he trusts her but can't help his jealousy fear or frustration while trapped in the situation#euijeong hurting but putting her own life on the line worried for her husband while unpacking the memories of her first love#she can't help but sympathize with kicheol and what he's endured; haven't seen much of how she feels rn but it must be c o n f l i c t e d#(not necessarily even in a romantic way but wanting to root for a person chasing their goals who was once so important to you)#(all while grieving her mother without the support of her literal goddamn spouse by her side)#and kicheol. also grieving and trying to establish a place for himself and his crew yet drawn to junmo despite the red flags#his panic and desperation when jungmo bled out on him which must have triggered his own memories of losing taeho#junmo who has every reason to despise kicheol barely concealing his general rage but protects him like it's second nature at every turn#all while conflicted as a bystander to atrocities (and now willfully leaving another cop to die to protect himself his wife and the mission#getting mentally and physically pummeled left and right just bc his superiors demand it from him#all to please euijeong's family by using the promotions to prove himself and get rid of the stigma weighing him down#like !!!#and haven't even touched on kicheol wooing euijeong against his buddy's wishes and in such a pure heart fluttering way#accepting the risk for a second chance to bathe in the bright light she used to shine on his life#OMG AND BIBI'S ENTRANCE!! junmo realizing her interest gives him leverage and agency but struggling to use it to his advantage#it's soooo messy and i'm obsessed#that funeral arc is gonna haunt me for years#as is the tension during the pat down which def was supposed to be like a gang pride/dignity/lack of power against the jp folks thing#also testing their relationship and responsibilites as leader subordinate#but felt charged around whether kicheol would protest or junmo would accept the manhandling in totally different 👀 ways#goddamn i wrote an essay and this doesn't even scratch the surface of the meat of the show#tldr; i have many many feelings and for once the 'love triangle' isn't making me gauge out my own eyeballs#it's about power it's about raising the stakes and revealing things about the characters w/o dominating the plot
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side-b-bumblebi · 1 year ago
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Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍
#pro tip for the boys: a lot of girls will respond a lot better to a stimulating conversation than to a guy trying to show off#ignore the movies they're lying to you when they tell you you need to be a show off#and if a girl wants that it's maybe not the best sign y'know?#but most girls just want to be treated like we're capable intelligent humans#that's all!! the movies and shit make it way more complicated than it has to be#and yes some girls do make things awkward and complicate everything#but maybe you wanna be careful about that because those girls generally have a lot to unpack#being friends with those girls is fine!! just make sure you have strong boundaries in place#and make sure she's doing some work on herself before considering a romantic relationship#but anyway i've had a lot of men in my life that i feel like wanted to be so much smarter than me#and not to be rude but they weren't?? i was just as smart and sometimes smarter#i didn't care that they were confident in their intelligence but i felt like i needed to dumb myself down#and it. freaking. sucked. i have no idea how i did it for so long#and i would even make jokes about like the guys i dated being smarter than me and nobody ever said anything??#and again these guys weren't smarter than me. that's not an insult to them just acknowledging i'm smarter than i was gave myself credit for#i'm outgrowing the notion that i have to dumb myself down for men and it's so freeing#and you know what really helps me actually? being in college#and especially being in college with so many intelligent men who know they're smart#these guys KNOW they're smart. and not in an arrogant way in a secure and confident way#them knowing they're smart makes them the OPPOSITE of arrogant actually#it's weird but i stand by my observation and it makes sense when you think about it#if you're secure in yourself and your intelligence you don't need to proce yourself by making other people look dumb#these guys are secure in their self-image and masculinity. they don't need women to be dumb and weak to feel strong and intelligent.#and it's so freaking endearing. i love that for these guys so much.#i am just so thankful for people in my life who are taking me seriously and who are helping me to understand i'm worth taking seriously.#wow these tags are long but anyway#guys you don't have to prove anything girls you should never have to dumb yourselves down live long and prosper
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months ago
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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -
I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.
some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).
my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.
we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.
on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).
also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.
I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).
when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.
but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).
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kangaracha · 9 months ago
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i'm moving house but queenmaker will be updated by the end of next week at the absolute latest (i'd like to say the end of this week but that feels dangerously optimistic)
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 1 year ago
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i think one of the things that upsets me the most about velma and shaggy's relationship in sdmi--and boy there is a lot--is that not only is her constantly ''correcting'' him for minor, harmless, and usually completely reasonable things with physical and emotional abuse, well. abusive by itself. but so many of the things he does that she treats him that way over are very autistic things, and what she subjects him to is textbook abuse aimed at autistics in particular. (including the part where she gets more and more pissed whenever attempts at said emotional abuse fly over his head, because he's too bad at picking up cues for them to land fully.)
[cws: anti-autistic ableism, ABA, self-harm, physical and emotional IPV, victim-blaming, and abuse apologism. it's a lot and it's really fucking bad lmao]
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like. there's a lot of examples there; shaggy's behavior coming across as autistic is worth a whole post of its own, and a lot of media depicts abuse targeted at autistic traits because ✨️hooray ableism.✨️but she straight up tries to Fix Him (read: force him to perform a Presentable Personality) by forcing him to wear clothes that are sensory hell, and trying to condition him to self-harm every time he does some small harmless, reflexive thing she thinks is Poor Socialization until he stops. and to catch himself doing it, and punish himself, without being prompted. i cannot fucking overstate how fucked up that is.
they even got down the fun little aspect of ABA where the methods of conditioning-through-pain are presented as toys and kiddish things: she gives him a rubber band to wear on his wrist, and tells him to snap it as hard as he can every time he says 'like.' 🙃🙃🙃🙃
like. this does not begin to scratch the surface of the abuse she puts him through in general. and again, characters being abused for autistic traits with the approval of the narrative is a common thing in media, which sucks. but holy fucking shit! they really took the 'violent ableism that is done to autistics irl' to the next fucking level here!
.......and it's portrayed as kind of cringey, immature teen drama on both sides. the self-harm, his dread over how much he knows it'll hurt, and the extreme pain it causes him to the point of screaming are all supposed to be funny. and her arc is all about learning to accept that she deserves better, because she was repressed and had low self-esteem and therefore putting him through fucking DIY ABA didn't make her happy.
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
anyway if you couldn't tell i can't fucking stand sdmi velma and i have a lot of words in me about it. when one of your main heroes would have made a way more compelling villain as they are, on a more mundane level compared to all the wild fantastical shit they go up against, holy shit go back to the drawing board you have fucked up. she could have been genuinely good representation of a marginalized person dealing with the trauma of her experiences in some shitty ways she has to grow past, and an interesting flawed character, without being absolutely despicable--hell, she'd have made a great foil to pericles if they'd handled him decently too. they have a lot of parallels, which only gain more depth when you add their respective parallels with cassidy into the mix. and it really fucking sucks that we got this instead.
#sdmi#scooby doo mystery incorporated#velma dinkley#shaggy rogers#SDMItag#cws in post#sdmi velma lies at the intersection of A Lot of Hard Feelings for me; in ways both inherent and personal#so she is viscerally upsetting to me in a lot of ways mostly re: framing; and that makes it difficult to analyze her in a sympathetic light#even though i recognize she is very much a depiction of a hurting; traumatized person lashing out in nasty and interesting ways#but the older i get and the more perspective i gain; and the more i unpack and understand about my own experiences#the more important it feels to me to talk about this stuff#i still want to try writing fic sometime about newniverse velma and how she ends up being a non-abusive; less shitty person#without just *being* a completely different person who's All Nice Sweet Sunshine with No Hard Feelings About What She's Been Through#and about the confusion and grief newniverse marcie goes through when one day her loving girlfriend is gone#and in her place is someone who is so much like her and has clearly been through a lot; but is Different in ways that hurt more and more#that marcie keeps trying to justify and make excuses for; and sits in the pot and slowly boils#until she finally has to face that this isn't the girl she fell in love with; that that girl will never come back; that this is velma now#i'm totally not working through anything here lmao#and a nasty; pretentious; controlling; insecure young adult who's up their own ass about Being Super Intellectual and Telling It Like Is#abusing a teenager to make them stop saying 'like' because it's Annoying and What Stupid People Say and Not Gramatically Correct(tm)(tm)(tm#definitely does not hit dead on some very specific 'hi that scarred me for life and i don't think it's particularly fucking funny' buttons!#anyway. protect shaggy and marcie and daphne while we're at it#SDMIcrit tag#the crit files
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daz4i · 2 months ago
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did y'all know that apparently i'm a good dancer. who'd have thought
#i keep being told that irl lately#yesterday i kinda panicked from an assignment that requires awareness of my body and movement#(bc well. yknow how bodies are. esp when you're fat + trans + got chronic pains) (also i was off balance hormones wise)#and both our director and choreographer were surprised by that#they said that i seem to have very good control of my body and how to move it and such#which is funny bc ngl. i do not move much lol. i mean i used to barely get out of bed or off the couch before i joined this program#i didn't actually dance properly in years. in part bc my stamina is shit lmao 😭 which is also part of why i panic over this stuff#so. being told this stuff is 3 different types of distressing kinda#1 bc it catches me off guard 2 bc it changes my perspective of myself 3 bc i'm scared it'll develop expectations that i can't actually meet#anyway. been stressed by physical assignments and practices since i joined practically all the time#but i remember the first time i did i got praised for it. it was like. exaggerated acting like a silent film#and apparently i had enough control of my body to pull it off. again. who'd have thought#this is so weird this is a topic i rarely unpack bc i just assumed i lost all ability to dance or even control my body properly#and bc my body always feels like an enemy. so i usually don't even wanna try#but i'm going against my nature practically all the time these days bc i love theater and i love my group mates a lot. hm#anyway this was. a long and meaningless ramble#tomorrow we're working exclusively with our choreographer which doesn't happen much if at all so i'm a bit worried#i considered telling her i can't come but i feel like another day of rotting in bed won't do me any good 😭😭#vent#i guess. technically#letting out thoughts heh. this does help process shit i must admit
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ame-to-ame · 7 months ago
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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musical-chick-13 · 10 months ago
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#the PROBLEM is. some properties I like I cannot even talk about my Criticisms™ because if I do it attracts people whose side I am NOT on#like in the case of a certain british procedural show adopting old mystery novels that went on hiatus a lot. I did not like season 4.#but that is not because The Ship didn't go canon and it CERTAINLY wasn't because I never thought any of the show was good in#the first place. and I don't like The Main Ship of the c-chibs era but it's because the way it was written was VERY much not for me.#it's not because I think the whole era is trash (that ship was really the ONLY part of it I didn't like I loved everything else)#I DO have beef with some of the choices in season 8 of The Gritty Deconstruction Fantasy Show but they sure weren't ANY of the issues#that anyone else had!!! and I don't think it retroactively ruined the whole show actually!!!!!#like it's just so frustrating. especially since sometimes I DO want to break down what I consider to be unfortunate writing choices.#and I DO want to complain sometimes! but so much of the discussion around various properties is taken up by me just.#trying to explain that I'm allowed to like it in the first place and defending why I don't think it's Unconditionally Bad#so I can't ever like. for example. discuss the deaths in 8x03 and my issues with THOSE as character endpoints#or why they killed mary and had her husband act terribly to her for no reason just before she died#or how shitty it was in the last era for me to see ANOTHER character be mentally ill but in the most unobtrusive palatable way possible#(and then also make that really weird comment about a previous love interest??? who WAS unpalatable in many ways--though not like.#canonically mentally ill. even if I and many other people are drawn to that interpretation.)#perHAPS I want to talk about my confusion over the story's handling of j/d for reasons that are not 'I hate these characters' or#'that's pRoBLeMaTiC and you shouldn't ship it because that's pRoBLeMaTiC'#maybe I WILL just make a 4-hour video essay unpacking all my Thoughts™ on that show. because people don't have to watch it!#they could just hit the back button!
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nowendil · 1 year ago
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thinking about. womanhood again
#been thinking about how much of the way i have let some kind of womanhood in as a fragment of my identity is infleunced by me thinking that#'well people are going to gender me as a woman anyway so might as well accept it'#and i think that's a part of it (not a thought i overall enjoy. feels somehow defeatist or like i'm giving in or whatever.)#(which i dont think it is but it's a kneejerk reaction)#i do also think that the way i have been actively trying to unpack some of my internalized misogyny has a part in it#i'm not proud to say that i did grow up as a girl who thought womanhood (as it was presented to me at the time)#sounds stupid and way too much effort and unrelatable#but now that my view of the different ways to experience and relate to womanhood have broadened#i can say that i do feel some connection to it. even if i dont usually really claim it as wholly mine#and that acceptance has made it easier to be perceived as a woman in my day to day life#i'm not saying it never stings but. isk it's a bit different#i have said it before but the main thing that bothers me is being seen always and only as a woman.#like i can be a little bit of a woman and Kind Of Like a woman or a close approximate of a woman#but if Woman is all people see my gender as that stingsss#just like being seen solely as a man stings too#(this doesnt happen often so usually it feels more like a fun gender sprinkled in.#or like. it affirms my gender by telling me that i can confuse people)#like. i'm not really a woman i'm not really a man but those are the two options currently recognized by most of society#so a mix of both feels like the best case scenario for me personally genderwise#because gender neutral terms dont always just. hit the same for me as mixing gendered ones does. this varies greatly though#but also i would like to. hm. how to say this. not make that into a rule for myself? i dont want to overthink it#(<- says a guy who has never not overthought anything)#like i have been finding a lot of joy in dressing a bit more masculine in the last year which is wonderful#but sometimes i find myself stressing that if i look 'too masc' people are going to misread my identity more often#because i have a masc leaning chosen name and all#but i try to remind myself that. bitch people are going to misread and misunderstand your gender no matter what you do. relax#but idk. anyway abolish gender so i can start stressing over something else#nowe talks#gender
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moe-broey · 2 years ago
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Thank you transwomen (in general but also) for the term "boymode" bc using that terminology for myself as a transguy (so, "girlmode") has been the only way I've been able to aptly and succinctly describe whatever the hell was going on *vaguely gestering to my adolescence from ages 15 to 19* there.
#hope i'm not overstepping or saying some dumb shit LMFAO#but like. speaking v generally. esp in the beginning of unpacking 'oh fuck i. i don't think i'm a girl.'#i found i related a lot more to transfemme experiences of living one way for so long all your life playing A Role#and in some cases leaning heavily into masculinity to 'prove' you couldn't possibly be a woman#than like. so many transmasc experiences i'd see online of like 'oh i always knew.'#and the staples of the experience being like. tomboyish. baggy hoodies. ect.#and like i'm not saying any of that in a derogatory or dismissive way. it's just so much of what i saw as a teen#'researching' being trans so i can be a better 'ally' to my friends and classmates LMFAOO#also this is why the narrative of transmen being 'lost girls' and 'just tomboys' is SOOOO stupid it's funny to me like.#there was a very short stint in middle school where i was more 'tomboyish' in appearance#very quickly it was corrected out of me by the influence of loved ones and myself. that wasn't Really Me#let me tell you. the combination of people pleaser/autistic masking is INSANE esppp when you're in an Evil Setting for it LMFAO#<- evil setting being my specific brand of christianity i was brought up w#but case and point i don't think i was ever actually a tomboy. i was HIGHLY feminine actually.#and i found a lot of delights in feminity too! esppp a love of fashion and cute aesthetics#so like. describing my experience w gender/presentation has always been really difficult language-wise#saying 'when i was a girl' doesn't feel right cause i never was one. just played A Role. i didn't always know though.#i didn't even realize i WAS playing a role. also there were things i genuinely loved and enjoyed associated w feminity.#and saying 'post transition' is weird to me too bc. i'm not? there yet? i'm not done yet.#and any which way of trying to describe 'when i came out' is clunky bc i was always outed/forced out#like. multiple times. even before i had the time to explore it/make sense of it myself.#def rambling but. girlmode and autistic masking are synonyms to me now. it captures everything.#i swear to god the parallels between autism/being trans drive me INSANE to me they are always informing one another.#like i feel like i could write an entire fucking essay about it. if i was an academic i would fucking KILL it
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 5 months ago
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one of these days i'll write up a post about the parallels and foils between vivi and hermes and why it fucking kills me. for now all i can say is in hindsight the 'latched onto vivi Hard as a kid' to 'latched onto hermes Hard as an adult' pipeline is Real
#ffix#ffxiv#vivi ornitier#ffxiv hermes#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy ix#the absolute fuckor#hermes really is just such an interesting and visceral deconstruction of/foil to vivi's themes#ranging from *vivi* being the one in the same role as the familiars here#in comparison to hermes meaning the best in the world and trying So Hard; but ultimately coming from a place of immense privilege#and the fact that he was fumbling around in the dark in a society that very aggressively tried to insulate him from any meaningful#perspective on the shitty things he had internalized about familiars without realizing it; much less knowledge to unpack it#and how in the end he still was shitty to and about familiars; including and especially his daughters; who he abused#and some of that stemmed at least partly from his own selfishness and the things he was in denial about#to the fact that vivi had *support* when it came to things like grief and fear and life being precious#and the importance of finding your own meaning in it; while at the same time treating unavoidable death with weight and respect#and people in his life being like 'yeah it's pretty fucking understandable to be fucked up about all this'#instead of at most condescendingly treating him like a freak and an outlier for like. fucking being sad or angry about things. lol#bc *vivi gets angry.* he doesn't just feel sad he gets fucking furious; he feels real ass hate; he wants people to die for what they've done#and when he *does* question that in himself it's not ~uwu if i hate people i'm just as bad as them~; it's 'i've repressed so hard that i#literally have forgotten how to identify what sadness feels like; and it bothers me that my grief response skips straight to hatred now'#i just. god i love vivi so much i could go on. anyway when someone tries to pull a 'familiar-equivalents are soulless puppets#with a single purpose and it's fine to kill them if they're defective or obsolete' vivi tries to explode him with his mind#and his friends go i'll help! and that's why i love ffix#ffixtag#ffxivtag#FF tag
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carrots-bear · 1 month ago
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Using this its so helpful
i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!#<- op's tags#This is helpful I'm using this dude this is a lot I'm using all of this to write Donnie pov
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tgcg · 9 months ago
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an open fly walking
i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now
TG: hey karkat
CG: YEAH?
===
TG: you ever noticed you like
TG: walk weird
CG: WOW, OKAY.
CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?
TG: pff
===
TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity
TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but
TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man
CG: I DO???
TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault
TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale
TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity
TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it
CG: SERIOUSLY?
===
TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but
TG: yeah
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
TG: im not fucking with you striders honor
TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything
CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.
CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.
TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me
CG: ON IT.
===
===
TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude
CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.
TG: dont your feet ache
===
CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.
TG: damn i didnt think that through
TG: my shades
CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.
TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with
TG: ugh
===
TG: guess its karma
CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?
TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor
TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing
TG: just conjecture i mean
CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.
TG: yeah probably
CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.
===
TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets
TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot
CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.
CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.
CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".
TG: well look at it this way
TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass
TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol
CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.
===
TG: also screw this can i use your shirt
TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up
TG: i cant see dick
CG: UH
CG: SURE, I GUESS.
TG: cool
===
TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right
TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night
CG: YEAH.
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.
CG: BUT
CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.
TG: see yeah i sound it off and
===
TG: wait really?
CG: YEAH
CG: I DON'T KNOW
CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.
===
CG: IT'S LIKE
CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.
CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.
TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing
CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.
TG: you think thatd be heroic or just
CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.
CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?
TG: hah
===
TG: but uh
TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth
CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.
CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.
TG: oh
CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.
===
TG: heh
TG: well get this
TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free
TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues
TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time
TG: take that and some of this
TG: im packin punches
CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!
CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.
CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.
TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here
===
CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?
TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given
TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool
CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.
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gumii-bearr · 14 days ago
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❝ i'm already yours ❞
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summary: megumi learns to be honest with you and tell you what he wants.
featuring... megumi fushiguro
content warning: MDNI (18+), afab!reader, angst, fluff, some rude guy (ino slander im SORRY), mentions of alcohol, mentions of megumi's ex, fighting, megumi still being emotionally stunted but hes learning, ozawa x itadori mentions, maki x yuta mentions, nobara is a menace, megumi being such a cute lil baby, swearing, smutttt, fingering, mirror sex, missionary, p in v sex, loss of virginity, belly bulge, unprotected sex (dont do that!), pulling-out method, subspace a bit, squirting, aftercare!!
word count: 9.3k
author's note: oh BABY, this one GOOOOOD
chapter one
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Megumi Fushiguro is starting to really like you.
Like, more than just ‘like-like’, as you so eloquently put it those few months ago while lying naked in his bed. Megumi’s heart races at the sight of you. Granted, that has always been the case but he’s starting to think about you all the time.
You still sleep in your separate rooms, though you’ll occasionally sneak into his room in the late hours of the night holding your pillow and softly chanting ‘sleepover’. And Megumi’s heart just swells, moving aside in his tiny single bed to make room for you to curl into his side, your leg thrown over his waist and your hand clutching his shirt.
You are his first thought every morning.
Whether you’re still sleeping beside him, cooking breakfast, doing your makeup in your room or already at work or college; you are all he thinks about. Most of the time he thinks about good things, but sometimes he thinks about the not-so-good things. 
Like if you’re getting tired of him.
Or if you think he’s too possessive or too clingy or too needy or too much–
“I’m home!” you exclaim from the front door. You have your hands full holding take-out bags, your apron still tied around your waist (Megumi pictures you walking around in public still wearing the brown-coloured apron with the little bear on it and your name tag still pinned to your shirt because you always forget to take it off). 
Megumi is quick to appear in the hallway, effortlessly lifting the bags from your hands as you attempt to kick your shoes off, hopping on one foot and cursing like a sailor when they don’t cooperate. 
“Hi,” Megumi greets, voice soft and a little tired. 
He always waits up for you, even when you have a midnight closing shift and he’s been awake since five in the morning. When he knows you’re finishing late, he makes sure to text you at exactly 12:16, a minute after your shift actually ends. He likes to make sure you’re okay, even if he won’t admit it.
“Hi, Gumi,” you beam, a wide smile on your face as you press up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. You giggle when his face flushes slightly and he averts his gaze to avoid you catching him blushing. But you think it’s so unbelievably cute. 
“How ws’ work?” He asks, dropping the take-out bags on the counter in the kitchen.
“Boring,” you whine, dropping your car keys (Megumi’s car keys) in the bowl by the door and shrugging off your jacket. “Some guy had me re-make his coffee, like, five times at 11:55! How rude.” You mumble the last part with a scowl on your face.
“Mm, you should have just pretended to remake it,” Megumi mutters, unpacking the take-out from the plastic bags and grabbing some plates for the two of you.
“Oh, I did,” you reply with a cheeky grin, “after the fourth try, I just shook it and gave it back to him… It seemed to work ‘cus he said it was perfect.”
Megumi gives an amused smile, “that’s my girl.”
You smile sweetly at the nickname, padding over to Megumi and wiggling your hands through his arms to wrap your hands around his waist, pressing your front to his broad back.
“I missed you, Gumi,” you nuzzle into his warmth just between his shoulder blades.
“Missed you too,” Megumi says after a beat, lifting a hand to squeeze your arm still wrapped around his waist.
Megumi seems tired, though his voice is laced with something else a little sadder and you know when Megumi gets like that it’s because he’s thinking. And you’ve been so busy with work and the rapidly approaching final exams, that you haven’t been home as much as you want to.
“What’s wrong?” You ask quietly, twisting yourself around Megumi to peer up at his tired face.
“M’fine,” Megumi replies after a short pause. 
You frown, “...what’re you thinking about then?”
Megumi hates how you know him. After the catastrophe that was his confession to you, you’ve been more sensitive to and observant of Megumi’s changes in behaviour. You can now so easily tell the difference between Megumi’s genuine exhaustion and when his thoughts start to spiral into insecurity and anxiousness. 
“Just stuff.” Ah, Megumi Fushiguro, a man of many words.
“You wanna tell me about it?” You don’t ever push. Sometimes Megumi does want to talk about it, other times he just wants to curl up on the couch with you to distract himself. It worries you no matter what though.
Megumi knows he should talk about it with you. He’s been trying really hard to tell you about things that are bothering him since when he used to talk about it with his ex, she would rattle off insults about him being too clingy or too nervous or too paranoid. 
But you’re different.
You pay attention to him, holding his hand so gently and letting him get the words out on his own, no matter how long it takes or how much he stumbles over his thoughts. 
It took him about forty minutes to ask you if you’d be his girlfriend.
“And I… I think that–” Megumi cuts himself off, running a hand through his messy hair and avoiding eye contact with you by staring at the ceiling then the floor.
Your hand holding his is making him even more nervous. Your thumb strokes over his knuckles, your knee touching his as the two of you sit on the couch, the movie you were watching long forgotten.
“Do you… Is it okay with you if we, uh. Fuck… We’re dating, right?”
You chuckle softly, “yeah, we’re dating,” you ponder for a moment. “You’ve been taking me on dates, right?”
Megumi gives an amused huff, “that’s what they were intended as.”
“Okay, then I’m confident in saying that yes, we’re dating,” you giggle. 
Megumi always over-thinks the plans he makes. Wondering if you will like the picnic he planned (with the help of Nobara and Yuko who were sending him far too many pinterest screenshots at 3am), wondering if you’d like the restaurant he picked (you’re determined to try almost everything on the menu and claim he’ll have to roll you home), and wondering if you still like him.
He knows it’s irrational. You are always so excited to see him at the end of every day, always so excited to tell him about your day and ask about his even if he spent the whole day at home.
“Will you… Would you want me to be your boyfriend?” Fuck. He asked it wrong. “Wait, I meant will you be my girlfriend?”
The smile that spills across your face is so happy and so bright and you crash tackle him onto the couch, squealing in delight and pressing kisses to his face as Megumi just chuckles (mostly with relief). “I would love to be your girlfriend!”
“Really?”
“Of course! …It was so worth the forty-five minutes of stammering–”
“Hey!”
“M’just thinking about you,” Megumi finally forces out, a nervous pit forming in his stomach as his eyes flicker around the room, unable to meet your gaze.
“Good things, I hope,” you reply, slipping your hands into Megumi’s and playing with his warm fingers. You know deep down he’s feeling anxious and worried about things regarding you and your relationship, you know none of it is malicious because that’s just the way Megumi is; always thinking.
Megumi shrugs, “js’ worried about me being… too paranoid and stuff.”
Your expression softens and you reach a hand up to cup Megumi’s jaw, gently forcing his head to tilt down and his gaze to meet yours. Your eyes flicker between his and you smile softly, “you’re not too paranoid, Megumi. You’re a good person and you worry about doing and saying the right thing.”
Megumi chews on the inside of his cheek, “...you sure?”
“Always,” you beam. “You never have to worry about me… ‘cus I like-like you,” you giggle quietly.
Megumi’s lips tug into a smile, “I like-like you too.”
You press up on your tiptoes, hands snaking around Megumi’s neck to toy with the shorter baby hairs at his nape. His eyes glance down to your lips, still tinted pinkish with the strawberry-flavoured lipgloss you love so much. 
You smile before leaning up to press a slow peck to his lips, revelling in the way Megumi gently pulls you closer by your waist, hands so big yet so gentle as they hold you close to his body. You taste like strawberries, some of your lipgloss smearing onto Megumi’s lips.
You chuckle lightly, lifting your thumb to rub the gloss off his lips, “Ozawa asked if we wanted to hang out Saturday night too.”
Megumi moves some of your hair out of your face, “doing what?”
“Mm, bowling and arcade games? Maybe some drinks? I thought it would be nice to hang out with them since we haven’t in a while,” you shrug. 
Megumi hums, “if you want to.”
You smile softly, “only if you want to.”
“I never want to.”
“Yeah, I know,” you chuckle. Megumi isn’t exactly social, he would prefer to stay cooped up in the apartment with you, both of you lounging around in your pyjamas and watching movies or playing video games (a.k.a. Megumi playing CoD while you play Animal Crossing). 
Megumi watches your expression falter a little and his heart squeezes, “but I’ll go.”
Your face lights up, “really?”
“Mhm,” he hums, “I’ll win you a plushie in the claw machine.”
“A Hello Kitty one?”
“Sure.”
“Yay!”
You practically sprint toward Yuko when you see her. She’s sitting at a bar table next to Yuji, his hand resting on her thigh, but she promptly swats his hand away and leaps off the barstool to tackle you in a crushing hug.
“Eee! Y/N, I’ve missed you!” Yuko sways you from side to side, able to bear hug you with how much taller she is than you (and with her chunky heels on). “I haven’t seen you in, like, so long.”
“I saw you three days ago,” you giggle against her shoulder. 
“Yeah, but that was work, it doesn’t count,” she tuts, pulling away from you and giving you a disapproving look. 
“Right, of course,” you roll your eyes playfully.
Yuko peers behind you at your bored-looking boyfriend who stands a few feet away from you with his hands stuffed in his pockets and your adorable pink kitty bag slung over his shoulder, “hi, Fushiguro… cute purse.”
Megumi sticks his hand up in a half-assed wave, “m’trying something different,” he jokes with a bored expression. Anyone who didn’t know Megumi would think he was being dead serious with how his jokes tend to come across.
Yuko chuckles, “come on, we’ve been waiting for you guys forever.” Yuko tugs on your hand and you reach your own hand out for Megumi, who catches you easily with his long strides and laces his fingers with yours. 
“Heeey!” Yuji drawls, “what took you dorks so long?”
“Traffic, you know,” you shrug. 
That’s a lie; Megumi was too busy laying you down on the dining room table so he could stick his head under your skirt and eat you out because you looked so damn cute in your pretty outfit.
“Sure,” Yuji gives a Megumi a shit-eating grin, to which Megumi rolls his eyes and moves to pull a chair out for you at the table.
“You want a drink?” Megumi asks, peering down at you as he helps you into your chair.
“Mmm, surprise me,” you smile, pressing a kiss to Megumi’s cheek and inwardly beaming at how his cheeks dust a little pink at your affection, especially in front of his friends.
“Sure,” Megumi ruffles your hair, but not enough to ruin it because he knows you spent a lot of time making it look pretty in the bathroom mirror. Megumi promptly disappears into the huge crowd forming around the bar (given it’s a Saturday night, you’re not exactly surprised).
“You two are so cute,” Yuko nudges your shoulder playfully.
You smile, “he’s cute.”
Nobara makes gagging sounds from across the table, “boo, get a room.”
Maki elbows her, “you’re just jealous ‘cus you don’t have a boyfriend,” she says cooly, taking a sip of her martini.
“Rude,” Nobara retorts, dramatically rubbing her shoulder.
“S’okay, Nobara, we’ll fine you a boyfriend,” Yuko chuckles.
“Ew, no thanks,” Nobara scoffs, “men are gross.”
“That’s not very nice,” Yuji whines, his voice muffled from the mouthful of burger shoved in his face.
Nobara raises her brows and points at him, “see?”
Yuko chuckles and picks up a napkin, gently wiping the sauce and crumbs from Yuji’s cheek. He just sits there with a little smile on his face (if he was a dog his tail would be wagging happily, let’s be honest).
You chat with everyone for a while, finally meeting Maki’s boyfriend Yuta and his friend Inumaki (who doesn’t talk much from what you’ve gathered). But as soon as the boys leave to grab more drinks from the bar (they noticed Megumi was at the front of the line and decided to hijack his spot), Nobara and Yuko lean in toward you while Maki rolls her eyes.
“So…” Nobara drawls, scooting her chair closer to yours.
You look at your friends, the tips of your ears feeling hot from the sudden attention. “What?” You huff out a nervous laugh.
“You and Fushiguro done the ol’...” Nobara wiggles her brows childishly to emphasise her point. 
You roll your eyes playfully, “that’s none of your business.”
“So that’s a no,” Maki chimes in matter-of-factly.
You’ve only met Maki a handful of times but you like her. She’s quiet and intimidating but she always offers sound advice as opposed to Nobara who lives for disrupting your peace. 
But no, you and Megumi haven’t had sex yet. You’ve come close a few times but Megumi is quick to hold back, instead kissing down your tits and your tummy to eat you out or slipping his fingers into your panties to get you off. 
It’s not that you don’t want to have sex. You absolutely do. You don’t want anyone other than Megumi to be the one to take your virginity. 
But Megumi avoids it and he always seems to be battling some kind of inner turmoil when you hint at him having sex with you. Whether you ask if he’s got a condom or you reach for the waistband of his pants– he’s quick to redirect you and you want to ask him, you really do, but it makes you wonder if he’s unhappy with you or maybe he simply doesn’t want to have sex with you.
You try not to be insecure about it because Megumi loves being between your legs, he loves touching you behind closed doors and worshipping you with kisses and lovebites. And he loves it even more when you’re on your knees in front of him, his hands wrapped around your hair and pulling into a makeshift ponytail so you can take him into your mouth uninterrupted (you’re getting pretty good at it, you think).
But it still makes feel insecure.
“You should do it whenever you’re ready,” Yuko smiles warmly, her hand holding yours. You love your best friend to pieces, always the voice of reason in these situations.
But the thing is; you are ready. It’s Megumi who holds back.
“Yeah, I know,” you sigh, squeezing Yuko’s hand gently. 
“I got you this… thing,” Megumi suddenly appears behind you, placing down a fizzy sweet-looking pink drink topped with edible glitter and a little umbrella. “The bartender said it was popular.”
You smile in delight, “oh it’s so pretty! Thank you, Gumi,” You turn in your chair and plant a hard kiss to the underside of Megumi’s jaw. 
“‘Welcome,” Megumi replies, nursing his own drink (which looks exceptionally normal compared to yours). 
Megumi pulls a chair around to sit beside you, basically forcing Nobara to move over (who attempts to put up a fight but Megumi simply moves her himself). You rest your head on Megumi’s shoulder and he goes a little stiff at the simple form of affection.
Megumi isn’t big on PDA, he prefers to show you how much he cares for you in the privacy of your apartment or when he’s confident that the two of you are alone. But you like showing him off, holding his hand, peppering his face with kisses, hugging him from behind as you wait in line at the grocery store. You’re a little snuggle bug and Megumi is slowly, slowly, getting used to it.
“You gonna win me a Hello Kitty plushie, right?” you tease, wrapping your hands around Megumi’s muscular arm.
“Even if it takes me five tries,” he replies with an amused smile.
It takes him more than ten.
“This shit is a scam,” Megumi grunts, giving an annoyed kick to the neon purple machine filled with soft pastel plushies.
You stand beside him laughing into your hand, “s’okay, Gumi–”
“I’ve spent like forty dollars,” he huffs, “on one machine.”
“Come on, we should play something else,” you tug on his arm, “I already have about four of every sanrio plushie anyway,” you shrug.
Megumi’s jaw clenches and he sighs in frustration, eventually giving in to your protests and letting you tug him off the claw machine to play some other game. The arcade is huge, there are plenty of other games to spend forty dollars on instead of a goofy claw machine.
“We should play space invaders– oh! Or DDR!” you beam.
“I don’t have the coordination for DDR… or the energy,” Megumi grumbles.
You giggle, “right, let’s play space invaders.”
Megumi trails behind you the whole evening, playing games with you and absolutely refusing to let you pay for any of them. You always pull some coins out or your card and he promptly swats your hand away or wraps his strong arm around your middle, pinning your arms to your sides and lifting you away from the machine so he can pay.
You appreciate him doing this with you considering he doesn’t like being social all that much (all his friends think it’s crazy you managed to get him to come along tonight). But really, you know Megumi isn’t doing it because he wants to, he’s doing it because you want to and it makes your heart swell and your body want to melt into a puddle of happiness.
“Oh, boo, this is a scam,” you mutter to yourself as you attempt to win yourself a My Melody plushie in a new claw machine. Megumi was dragged off by Yuji to play some shooting game with Yuta and Inumaki and you snuck off to play another claw machine (and pay without him knowing). You saw that the plushie looked loose and you were sure you could win it if you nudged the claw just right.
You gave up after three tries and grabbed your bag to rejoin your boyfriend and his friends on the other side of the arcade. You spot your pretty boyfriend quickly, giggling as you hear him bickering with Yuji over not shooting straight.
“Uh, hey,” a voice appears beside you.
“Hm?” You peer to the side and notice a taller guy wearing a beanie looking at you, he’s holding a plushie out toward you.
“I saw you trying to win that pink bunny thing…” he holds out the My Melody plushie you were attempting to win.
“Oh,” you beam, “that’s really sweet!”
He laughs softly, “that’s okay… I’m Ino.”
“I’m Y/N–”
You suddenly feel a looming presence behind you. You peer up at Megumi, his eyes harsh and narrowed toward this guy talking to you.
“Uh, hi?” Ino forces out.
“Can I help you?” Megumi deadpans, his jaw slightly clenched in annoyance.
Ino barely offers him a glance, “I was just giving this pretty girl the plushie thing she was trying to win–”
“She doesn’t want it,” Megumi forces his lips into a condiscending smile.
Ino looks between the two of you before clearing his throat, “boyfriend, huh?”
“Mhm,” Megumi hums, his hand snaking around your waist and grabbing at your hip.
“Right,” Ino nods, “sorry, man.” He doesn’t seem sorry with how he mockingly laughs at Megumi’s protectiveness of you.
“Whatever,” Megumi huffs. 
Ino promptly disappears, handing the plushie off to some other drunk girl on his way out. You chew on the inside of your lip before turning to Megumi, “Gumi–”
“What?” Megumi spits, a little harsher than he meant it.
You press your lips together, “nevermind,” you sigh, forcing his arm off you and leaving to join Yuji, Yuko and the others, Megumi trudging behind with his hands in his pockets and feeling his mood rapidly plummeting into a mix of annoyance and insecurity. 
Megumi’s jaw is tight with tension and he feels like shit because he didn’t watch his tone when he talked to you. He gets protective of you and perhaps a little jealous. And he knows it’s stupid being annoyed and upset over not being able to win you a fucking plushie from a children’s arcade game, but he promised you and this guy managed to do it in one try and actively sought you out to give it to you.
“You two okay?” Yuko asks curiously, almost startling Megumi as he stands at yet another claw machine.
Yuko saw the way your mood immediately changed after your interaction with that guy, instantly becoming a little sad and not as bubbly and talkative as your little group moved around to play more games.
Sure Megumi wasn’t always super affectionate toward you in public, but he wasn’t even staying near you or holding your hand anymore.
“Fine,” Megumi retorts, eyes still glued to the pink plushie he’s trying to win you.
“...Did she upset you?”
“No.”
“Did you upset her?” 
“I don’t know,” Megumi shrugs.
Yuko sighs, “maybe you should talk to her.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Yuko lets out an amused laugh, “Fushiguro, she always wants to talk to you.”
Megumi feels a pang in his chest at that, feeling bad that he didn’t even attempt to drag you off to the bathroom or outside so he could talk to you. He’s still trying to get better at the talking, he was just fucking embarrassed. 
The machine suddenly chimes, a little song playing as a plushie falls in behind the collection door.
“Hey, you won,” Yuko beams.
Megumi bends down, pulling the plushie out of the machine and scoffing; it wasn’t the My Melody plushie he as aiming for.
Yuko laughs, plucking the bored-looking penguin plushie from his hand and holding it up, “I see the resemblance.”
“Who even is this?” Megumi takes it back, squeezing the soft toy in his large hands,
“It’s Badtz Maru,” Yuko replies, “looks a bit like you.”
“Mm,” Megumi makes a noise of annoyance. 
Yuko nudges his shoulder, “she might like it even more,” she sings softly. 
Megumi walks around the arcade looking for you, peering around corners and looking through the claw machine section in search of you. He can’t find you. He spots Itadori, Inumaki, Yuta and Maki but can’t find you anywhere. He asks Yuko and Nobara and they shake their heads with a shrug.
How did no one know where you were?
“Where’d she go?” Nobara looks around for you.
“I’ll call her,” Yuko offers.
“S’okay, I’ll call her,” Megumi replies, pressing on your contact and holding his phone to his ear. The call rings before your voice message comes through. Megumi grunts in annoyance. He starts to worry as he texts you a few times, asking where you are. You don’t respond in the record speed you normally do and he shoves his phone back into his pocket.
He walks around the arcade a few more times, then he finally spots you.
He relaxes a little at the sight of you, but it’s short lived when he spots that fucking guy again. He’s leaning against the wall, basically trapping you in a corner as you attempt to curl away from him, your back flush against the wall.
“U-Uh, I should get back to my friends,” you laugh nervously, your hands wrapping tightly around the strap of your purse.
“Lemme walk you t’them then,” he offers.
You look around anxiously, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “Uh, no thanks, I can go myself–” Ino suddenly puts a hand on your upper arm.
Megumi surges forward, slightly blinded by anger and annoyance as he pushes the guy away from you, forcing some space between you. Ino stumbles back, clearly intoxicated with how he struggles to catch himself, his hands flailing around to catch himself against the wall.
“She said back off,” Megumi spits, forcing himself in front of you protectively.
“I ws’ just talking to her,” Ino slurs back.
“And she doesn’t want to talk to you,” Megumi retorts, forcing him onto his feet and half-pushing him away. “So fuck off.”
Ino scoffs, “whatever, bro. Was just tryna be nice.” Megumi rolls his eyes at the shitty excuse, jaw clenched angrilly until the guy finally leaves, stumbling off back to the bar. 
Megumi suddenly hears you sniffle and his expression instantly softens, shoulders relaxing as he spins around to look at you. You have your back pressed against the wall, your face a little flushed with embarrassment. Your hands are pressed to your face, hiding yourself from him.
“Baby?” Megumi coos, reaching a gentle hand out to pull your hands away from your pretty face.
“M’sorry,” you mumble, your bottom lip quivering as your eyes gloss over with tears.
Megumi’s heart sinks and he sighs, pulling you to his chest to crush you in a hug, a hand stroking the back of your hair. You press your face into his chest, staying there for a moment and melting into his warmth. 
“M’sorry I was mean,” he says against your hair.
“You weren’t mean,” you mumble, “I was being dumb.”
“You’re not dumb, Y/N. You thought he was doing a nice thing for you,” Megumi replies. He pauses for a moment before deciding to admit his thoughts to you, “...I was js’ jealous.”
You pull away from him, a bit of your makeup staining the fabric of his black shirt. “Why were you jealous?”
You never thought Megumi could be jealous. He always seems so laidback and bored that you assumed everything was water off a duck’s back to him. But you were obviously sorely mistaken.
“M’always jealous when it’s you,” Megumi shrugs, eyes glancing away as he admits it to you, his face dusted a light pink.
You grin cutely, “you like-like me,” you poke his chest.
“Shut up,” Megumi mumbles, earning a soft laugh from you. He suddenly remembers the Badtz Maru plushie in his other hand. He lifts it up toward you, “I won this for you.”
You pout, “really?”
“Mhm,” Megumi nods, handing it to you.
You squish the softness in your hands before giggling, “looks like you.”
“I don’t see it,” he grumbles.
“He could be your son!”
“It’s a plushie, Y/N.”
Megumi has a winning streak after the two of you make up, winning you a bag of sweets, a pair of earbuds in that impossible to win string-cutting game, and wins you a Hello Kitty plushie that is almost half the size of you. 
You carry it around with a big smile plastered across your face and earning jealous glances from other people who have obviously been trying to win the massive toy. You walk around with it under your arm, your other hand in Megumi’s.
“You guys ready to go?” Yuji asks, “‘cus I am officially broke.”
Yuko giggles, “okay, lets go, baby.”
Yuji plants a kiss on Yuko’s nose, then another on her cheek, then another on her forehead before peppering kisses in a circle around her face, his hands resting on her hips as she giggles.
You smile softly at them, your hand unintentionally squeezing Megumi’s.
“Yuck, get a room!” Nobara gags. 
Megumi watches you smile at your friends, resting your head against his shoulder. He feels his heart thumping in his chest, suddenly feeling the urge to show you the same affection. He doesn’t like PDA, he thinks its gross and people should just save it for the privacy of their home. But he can see how people like it, being able to show off their partner in public so people know they belong to them and no one else.
You feel Megumi’s eyes on you and you peer up at him, “you okay, Gumi?”
He suddenly presses a soft kiss to your lips, his hand coming up to cup your jaw, thumb stroking over your cheekbone. You smile against his lips and he pulls away, planting another kiss to your cheek then your hair.
You grin at him when he pulls away from you, “what was that for?”
Megumi shrugs, “I just wanted to.”
You point your finger at him, “who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”
Megumi rolls his eyes, “oh, ha-ha.”
You sigh with relief once you kick your heels off at the door, your shoes landing haphazardly in the corner as you lug your new plushies down the hall. Megumi follows you, dropping his keys in the bowl on the side table in the hallway. 
You and Megumi have made up, but Megumi still has something on his mind. He knows exactly what it is but he feels weird bringing it up again since you’ve already worked it out. 
But you can tell there’s something on his mind.
You drop your plushies in your room, putting your Badtz Marui plush on your bed so you can sleep next to it (it can be your Megumi stand-in when he’s busy or away). Megumi is sitting on the couch when you come out of your room, he’s scrolling on his phone absentmindedly, jaw tight with tension.
You pad over to him, gently pulling his head back to rest on the back of the couch. You peer over him, your hands gently resting on his shoulders. 
“You okay, Gumi?” You ask, lifting your hands to stroke your thumbs across his jaw.
“M’fine,” he replies.
You frown, “don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Not tell me,” you sigh. “I can tell when you’re sad or you’re thinking about stuff, I want you to be able to talk to me.”
“I really am fine, Y/N,” he huffs, pullin away from your hands and getting up off the couch. 
“I’m not your ex, Megumi,” you stare at the back of his head. 
Megumi visibly stiffens, “...I know that.”
“Do you?” You ask without thinking, “because I really care about you n’ I’ve been trying to be patient and understanding but I–” you cut yourself off, sighing sadly.
Megumi turns to look at you, his teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek like he always does when he’s nervous. “I know you’re not her, Y/N. You’ve never made me feel the way she has.”
Your shoulders relax and you glance away. You still get insecure about Megumi having an ex, mostly because she’s got to see parts of him you haven’t yet, but in the same breath, she was awful to him and is part of the reason he’s wound so tight and struggles to talk.
You don’t even think when it falls from your mouth, “why don’t you want to have sex with me?”
Megumi’s eyes widen and he feels his heart in his throat. He stiffens, unable to form anything other than– “W-What?”
You sigh, “I know it’s stupid. I just… I wanna have sex… with you. And it just seems like you don’t want to… with me.”
Megumi’s heart aches painfully. Of course he wants to have sex with you. He wants to every day like some kind of maniac, but you’re too good for him (at least that’s what he thinks). And it’s important to him that your first time is perfect and special and Megumi can be a fucking wreck a lot of the time, unable to communicate simple things with you, unable to convey his feelings in a way that’s coherent and not total gibberish.
He can’t shake the fear of him being too needy and paranoid toward you. You’re so special to him and he fears losing you. Fears that one wrong move will send you packing or make you hate him.
“I…” Megumi squeezes his hands into fists, trying to release the tension inside his chest. “Y/N, I do want to.”
You peer up at him, eyes glossed over, “...I’ve beent trying to like… hint at it but you–”
“I’m scared,” Megumi sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I mean… I’m not scared, m’just worried.”
Your brows furrow, “worried?”
“I want it to be special for you,” Megumi admits, “I’m just always thinking that I’m not special enough for you.”
Your heart cracks and you feel like crying and wrapping Megumi up and crushing him in a bear hug and covering him in kisses. Because how could he not think he’s special enough for you?
“Gumi,” you sigh out his nickname and he wipes his eyes. You pout, padding around the couch to press your body against him, wrapping your arms around his waist in a tight hug.
He hugs you back, chin resting on your head gently. 
“You’re perfect for me, Gumi,” you murmur. “There’s no one else I trust more in the world than you.”
Megumi squeezes you a little tighter, “I’m not good at talking.”
You squeeze your eyes shut, “I know.”
“I want to be better at it, ‘cus you’re my priority now,” he says, heart beating rapidly in his chest at his confession. “And I’m worried that I’m too paranoid or needy… I don’t want to– I can’t lose you.” You pull away from him a fraction, a tear slipping down your cheek. Megumi catches it, “don’t cry. Please.”
You sniffle, “I don’t want to lose you either, Megumi.” You wrap your arms around his neck, his strong arms still wrapped around the small of your back. “But you need to talk to me, even if you think it’s stupid… Because I tell you stupid stuff all the time and you still listen.”
Megumi chuckles softly, “yeah, I know.”
You cup his cheek, beaming as he leans into your touch, “offer yourself a little kindness, Gumi. You’re too hard on yourself.”
He knows you’re right, you’re always right. 
He nods, “I’m gonna try,” he sighs.
“You’re already doing good,” you praise, “I’m still going to be here no matter what.”
“Promise?”
You grin, “I promise.” You hook your pinky with his.
“Then I have something else I need to tell you,” he forces out.
You frown, “okay…”
“I didn’t like that that guy grabbed you,” Megumi huffs, “it made me really fucking mad.”
You chuckle softly, “you handled it, though.”
“But still,” Megumi’s jaw clenches. “Asshole.”
“You don’t like that some other guy touched me?”
“I wanted him dead right then and there,” Megumi’s arms squeeze around you a little tighter. 
“Mm, that’s pretty hot,” you giggle.
“...Hot?” Megumi seems confused.
You shrug, “yeah… I like that my boyfriend wants me all to himself.”
Megumi pauses, any words that he could possibly think of getting caught in his throat. Your giggles die in your chest as Megumi’s steely eyes bore into you, an intensity settling in the air.
“Gumi?”
Megumi’s eyes flicker down to your lips, “m’gonna kiss you.”
You grin, “I’d never be opposed to that,” you whisper.
Megumi’s lips are on yours in an instant, his big hands resting on your hips and pulling you against him. One of his hands rests on the back of your neck, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss. He forces a whine from your lips when his tongue swipes across your glossed lips. He pushes his tongue into your mouth, slowly backing you up against the wall and knocking some poor unsuspecting vase onto the floor.
It smashes on the ground and you yelp in surprise, “G-Gumi–”
“We’ll fucking clean it later,” he grunts, forcing your jaw to tilt upward so he can kiss you again. Your hands squeeze the fabric of his shirt, your tits pressing against his chest as he grinds his hard-on against your thigh. 
The two of you awkwardly crash through your apartment before you finally get to your bedroom door, giggling at how eager Megumi is to get you onto your bed. Your bed is a little bigger than his and always makes it easier for cuddle sessions and Megumi always looks so cute with his dark hair and dark clothes in your pretty pink, white and pastel room. 
Your hands tug at the hem of his shirt, pushing the fabric up his abdomen and chest. Megumi helps you, finally pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it across the room. His lips connect with yours again, forcing you back until the back of your thighs hit the mattress. Megumi lets go of you, letting you fall back.
You giggle, scooting yourself up your bed and eyeing your strikingly hot boyfriend with his pretty abs out and staring down at you like he wants to devour you. Megumi just stares at you, his eyes raking over your pretty spread thighs, peeking at your lacy pink panties under your skirt, almost salivating at how pretty your tits look almost spilling out of your top– his eyes meet yours, your pretty eyes wide with lust and just pure adoration.
You are his favourite person.
“I love you.”
You pause, lips parting slightly as Megumi’s words finally sink in. You press up on your elbows, eyes widening, “what did you say?”
Megumi presses his lips together, wondering if he should back track. But no, he needs to be honest with you and himself, he owes it to you and to himself. “I said I love you.”
“You love me?” you pause, your bottom lip sticking out in a pout.
Megumi crawls onto the bed, body hovering over yours and his hands pinned on other side of your head as he just looks at you, taking in every part of you. “You told me I should be honest.”
You beam, “Megumi–”
“Don’t say anything,” he says softly, “js’ let it stay out there for a minute.”
You close your mouth, a smile tugging at your lips. Megumi grins at you, the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen, before he leans his head down, pressing his lips to yours. It’s slow and so loving, he’s gentle with you as one hand comes up to cradle your face.
He pulls away after a minute and you smile, “I love you too.”
Megumi pauses before he lets out an amused laugh, “yeah?”
“Yeah,” you giggle.
“Say it again,” he teases.
“I love you,” you whisper, holding his face in your hands. Megumi leans down, pressing a wet kiss to your neck. You tilt your head up to give him more access as his teeth gently nip at your skin.
“Again.”
“I love you, Gumi,” you whine out as he sucks on a particularly sensitive part of your neck, leaving a angry red mark on your skin. 
Megumi’s hand slips under your top, pushing it up your tummy and over your tits. You help him pull your top over your head, leaving you in your skirt and your pretty pink lacy bra that makes your boobs sit like pretty soft pillows against your chest.
“S’beautiful,” Megumi mutters, trailing kisses down your neck and down between your tits, his hand snaking under your body to unclasp your bra.
No matter how many times Megumi sees you naked, you still get nervous under how intense yet adoring his gaze is. You feel your heart hammer in your chest as Megumi toys with your hardened nipples, his eyes occasionally flickering up to your face to catch your gaze.
“Don’t look at me like that,” you whine.
Megumi chuckles, “like what? Like I love you?”
“Like you want to devour me,” you correct with an amused laugh.
“Mm, no promises,” he smiles, pressing a peck to your lips.
Megumi’s large veiny hand squeezes your soft breast, kneading the flesh in his hand while flicks his tongue over your hardened nipple, leaving hot wet kisses all over the pretty mound of skin. Your hand tangles in his hair, forcing his mouth down further. He gives a gentle bite to your skin, forcing a pretty whimper from your lips.
Megumi kisses down your tummy, one hand still squeezing your breast while the other trails up your thigh and underneath your skirt. You feel your skin prickle at the feeling of his gentle fingers trailing across your soft skin, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses down your body.
You tug on Megumi’s wrist, forcing him back up your body, “what is it, baby?” He asks breathlessly.
You press a peck to his lips, “I wan’ you to touch me,” you murmur against his slightly chapped lips.
“Oh yeah?” Megumi asks, his tone a little teasing.
“Mhm,” you nod quickly.
Megumi chuckles, trailing his hands up the inside of your thigh and pressing his fingers against the damp patch forming on your panties, “mm, someone’s excited,” he teases.
“Shut up,” you mutter, forcing his lips back onto yours.
Megumi rubs against your clothed clit, feeling his cock twitch in his boxers at the sounds you were making because of him. The smell of your arousal lingers in the air of your room as Megumi forces your legs to spread open a little more, finally slipping his hand down your panties to feel your slick pussy against his fingers.
“S’wet, princess,” he murmurs against your cheek.
“All f’you,” you whine as Megumi nudges your clit with the tip of his middle finger.
Megumi pulls his hand from your panties, forcing you to whimper at the loss of contact but he quickly slips his fingers into the sides of your panties, pulling the soaked fabric down your legs and tossing them onto the floor. 
Megumi manhandles you into his lap, laying his upper body against your headboard and forcing you to sit between his legs with your back to his chest. 
“W-What are we doing?”
Megumi gently holds your jaw, forcing you to look at the mirror across the room in front of your bed, the same mirror you take your cute little outfit of the day photos in every day. You suddenly feel embarrassed seeing yourself so vulnerable. Your legs are spread, one knee hooked over Megumi’s muscular forearm while the other is propped up, forcing your soaked pussy lips open.
“Look how pretty you are,” Megumi mutters against your ear, his large hand squeezing at your tits.
“Gumi, this is embarrassing,” you whine.
Megumi presses a kiss to your cheek, “just watch.”
You press your mouth closed as Megumi trails his fingers down your tummy, dragging two of his fingers down your glistening slit. You throw your head against his shoulder as he nudges your neglected clit, fingertips circling the little bundle of nerves agonisingly slowly. 
“F-Faster, Gumi, please,” you moan, your hands squeezing Megumi’s strong thighs.
“Shh,” Megumi coos, “be patient, baby.”
Megumi slips his fingers down your slit, pressing his middle finger against your sopping hole. Your thighs instinctively spread apart further and Megumi slowly slips his finger inside you, his long finger dragging against your gummy walls. 
You whine, hand gripping his wrist as he starts to curl his finger inside you, pressing against that spongy spot inside you, “m-more.”
Megumi chuckles at your desperation, pressing a second finger into you. You whine at the burning stretch, subconsciously grinding your hips down on his fingers, your ass unknowingly grinding on his hard-on in his boxers. 
“Look at you,” Megumi mutters against your ear. 
Your eyes flicker up to your reflection. Your skin is covered in a thin sheen of sweat, your baby hairs are stuck to your forehead and Megumi’s eyes are glued to your cunt, watching his thick fingers disappear inside you. You whine, pussy clenching down on his fingers as he fucks them into you.
Megumi presses against the spongey spot inside you, the ball of his palm rubbing against your clit and making you fucking dizzy. You feel your tummy start to burn, your nails scraping against Megumi’s clothed thighs as your hips grind and roll against his hand.
“G-Gumi, m’gonna cum,” you whimper.
“S’okay, baby,” Megumi coos, “cum f’me.”
“N-No,” you force out, your hand wrapping around his strong wrist in an attempt to stop him from forcing an orgasm out of you.
“No?” Megumi slows his movements, the lewd squelching sounds in your room silencing as he gently pulls his fingers from your sopping pussy. “What’s wrong?”
You pant, whimpering as the burn in your tummy fades and you feel so fucking pent up. Megumi’s face is laced with concern as he turns you on your side in his lap. You give him a tired smile, “please.”
“Please, what?”
“Please,” you whine, “I need your cock, Gumi.”
Megumi grunts, “fuck, baby.”
“Please,” you beg, “please, I’ll be s’good.”
Megumi cups your face, pressing his lips hard against yours. Your swollen lips move against his, your hand tangling in his messy hair. Megumi pulls away from you slightly, pressing his arousal-soaked fingers against your tongue. You whine when you taste yourself on his fingers, your tummy jumping with excitement as you suck his fingers clean.
“Such a good girl,” Megumi praises, kissing your forehead. 
Megumi forces you onto your back, your body bouncing against the soft mattress slightly. Megumi rests his thighs on either side of your hips, tugging your legs over his hips. You’ve never had your pussy this close to his cock and your mind is reeling with excitement.
Your shaky hands reach for the waistband of his pants but Megumi quickly forces your hands above your head, pinning your wrists together, “you said you’d behave.”
“Mm, you can’t blame me for being excited,” you whine pathetically. 
Megumi only chuckles at how damn cute you are before he forces his pants down his hips, kicking them off across the room, leaving him in just his boxers. There’s a wet patch forming on his boxers and your mouth salivates at the idea of him finally fucking you with his big cock that you’ve had in your mouth many times before. 
“S’big,” you compliment, wrists wriggling against his large hand still pinning them above your head.
“You sure about this?”
There’s a sudden intense seriousness in the air. You peer up at Megumi and he looks nervous, his teeth nipping at the inside of his bottom lip. He lets go of your wrists and you reach up to cup his face, forcing his steely eyes to meet yours, “Megumi Fushiguro,” you call softly.
“Mm?”
“I love you,” you sigh. “There’s no one I want more to take my virginity than you.”
Megumi lets out a shaky breath, “...you sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” you grin.
“Because I really want you to be mine.”
“I’m already yours, Megumi.”
Megumi lets out a huff of a laugh, leaning down to pepper kisses across your forehead and down your nose to your lips, forcing a soft giggle from your chest. 
Megumi reaches down slowly, pulling his boxers down his hips until his cock springs free, the angry red tip leaking with precum. You peer down at his pretty cock, eyeing the vein you trace with your tongue every time you suck him off, noting how heavy it is as it struggles to hold itself up. 
Megumi sighs, wrapping his hand around the base of his cock and pumping a few times, his eyes never leaving yours. You cup his face, forcing him to kiss you one more time before he sits up, scooting his hips closer to yours.
He eyes you one more time, looking for any sign of regret or hesitation. You don’t offer any, eyes wide and almost sparkling with anticipation. Megumi holds his cock and lets it slap against your tummy, the tip almost reaching your belly button.
Your brows furrow and you wonder what he’s doing. Then it sort of dawns on you.
He’s sizing you up. 
“M’gonna be right here,” Megumi presses the tip of his finger to the spot just below your belly button. His eyes meet yours and all you can do is meekly nod, your heart slamming against your chest. You knew Megumi was big but now that he’s fucking sizing you up and showing you where he’s gonna be inside you, you’re starting to get a little nervous. 
But fuck you want him inside you.
You buck your hips up and Megumi chuckles, “s’eager.”
“Shut up and fuck me,” you grumble playfully. Megumi smiles, scooting your hips up and leaning over to quickly kiss your forehead one more time.
“You tell me if it gets too much,” Megumi says seriously. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
You smile, “you won’t hurt me.”
Megumi nods slowly before gently gripping the head of his cock, rubbing the precum-covered tip against your swollen clit. Your hands grip the sheets and you bite your lip to keep the whines at bay. Megumi breathes heavily as he dips his tip down to your soaked hole, your arousal slipping out of you and dripping down your ass. 
“Look at me,” Megumi orders softly.
You open your eyes, not realising you’d pressed them closed. 
“Please,” Megumi sighs, “I wanna watch your face when I put it in.”
God, this fucking guy is gonna be the death of you.
He presses the tip into your cunt, groaning softly at your tightness as your pussy swallows his tip eagerly. Your thighs instinctively spread open to accommodate his size. He presses into you slowly, letting your tight cunt stretch around him to get used to his size. 
“G-Gumi–” you whine out.
“Y-You okay, baby? What’s wrong?” Megumi stills his movements.
You pant slightly, chest heaving, “feels s’good.”
Megumi sighs a little in relief, hand coming up to cup your jaw as he presses his thick cock into you. He’s over halfway when you let out another whimper, your thighs shaking slightly with the stretch.
“Still okay?”
“Mhm, almost in?” you ask.
“Just over halfway.”
“Halfway?!” you force out.
Megumi chuckles before pressing his fingertip to the space between your pretty pussy lips and your belly button. “M’about here.”
“Holy fuck,” you pant. “So fucking big.”
“Don’t flatter me,” he chuckles. “It’ll go straight to my head,” he jokes.
“Mm, s’true.”
Megumi laces his fingers with yours on the sheets, his steely blue eyes staying glued to your face as he pushes the rest of the way in, your soaked pussy sucking him in. Once he finally bottoms out, you let out a shaky sigh at the fullness.
“F-Feel okay?” Megumi’s voice shakes, feeling like he’s gonna cum like a damn teenager with how tight you are around him.
“Mm,” you screw your eyes shut, “you can m-move.”
“You sure?”
“Uh huh,” you nod slowly. 
Megumi leans down, lifting your arms and forcing them to wrap around his neck. He plants a kiss to your lips before pulling out– you whine– then he pushes himself back in. Your arms wrap around his neck, forcing Megumi’s head to rest against your shoulder as he pulls almost alllll the way out before plunging back into your tight heat.
“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Megumi groans, his hips snapping against yours as you hook your ankles together behind him, your thighs squeezing his waist. “S’good, princess.”
You moan and whine against his neck, feeling like he’s rearranging your fucking guts with how big his cock is and how hard he’s fucking you. It almost seems like Megumi needed this more than you with how his hips snap hungrily against yours. 
You tip your head back, mouth falling open as he forces moan after moan from your pretty swollen lips. Megumi reaches a hand down between your bodies, rubbing his thumb over your neglected clit, forcing you closer and closer to orgasm. 
His cock drags against your gummy walls, slick pooling around the base of his cock and soaking the sheets below as your nails drag against Megumi’s strong back, leaving angry red marks in their wake. 
Megumi hisses at the feeling, groaning into your hair as he snaps his hips into yours a little faster, thumb still rubbing your clit, your room is filled with lewd squelching sounds, your pussy so wet and tight around him.
You feel the white-hot pleasure of your orgasm approaching, your belly burning as you arch your back off the bed, letting go of Megumi’s shoulders to grip the sheets. 
Megumi suddenly sits up on his knees, lifting your hips in his strong hands, creating a new angle that makes you scream out in pleasure. His tip fucks against your cervix, surely leaving a bruise. You feel him in your tummy, his sheer size forming a bulge in your tummy. 
“F-Fuck, look at you,” Megumi groans, eyeing the bulge in your tummy.
You toss your head from side to side, your toes curling as Megumi reaches for your hand, forcing you to press down on the bulge in your tummy, his hand over yours. 
Then you just cum. There’s no warning as you gush around him, your vision going stark white as you spray your orgasm across Megumi’s pelvis, his thighs, your own thighs and all over the sheets.
“Fuck, did you just squirt?”
You don’t say anything, you can’t. You’re mumbling incoherent noises as Megumi fucks you through your high, his hips snapping harder and harder against yours as he chases his own orgasm. You’re both covered in a thin sheen of sweat and Megumi feels his orgasm fast approaching.
He pulls out of you with a quiet pop, quickly jerking himself off, your arousal making his cock slippery as he cums across your tummy. Hot ropes of cum paint your abdomen and tummy, Megumi panting as he squeezes the base of his cock.
“Mm, you’re fucking perfect, sweet girl,” Megumi praises, panting as he comes down from his high.
“Mm, Gumi,” you whine, voice quiet.
Megumi gently lowers you onto the bed, crawling up your body to cup your face, “are you okay? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
You shake your head, “mm-mm, felt s’good.”
Megumi sighs with relief, “we gotta get you up, you have to pee and I gotta clean up–” he peers down at the utter mess you’ve made of the sheets, “–somehow.”
“Sleepover?” You beam.
Megumi chuckles, “sleepover.”
Megumi carries you to the bathroom, running you a warm bath. The two of you share a bath together, Megumi gently washing you hair for you while you make him a bubble crown. You’re obviously sore with how you limp down the hallway to Megumi’s room, clutching your pillow under your arm.
You rest your head against Megumi’s chest, his fingers gently smoothing over your wet hair and tracing down your bare arm.
“Any regrets?” He asks curiously.
“Mm, no,” you reply with a smile. “You made me squirt my first time having sex… I think you have to marry me,” you giggle.
Megumi chuckles, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “mm, maybe one day.”
You giggle, sitting up to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you too, sweet girl,” Megumi pauses, “what is that?”
“What’s what?”
“That,” Megumi points to the bored-looking penguin plush he got you. It’s pressed to your chest right between your boobs.
“Oh, you mean your son?”
“Y/N,” he groans. “Get that thing out.”
“I will not!”
“I’ll throw it out the window while you’re sleeping.”
You gasp, “don’t do that to your son!”
“It’s not my son!”
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author's note: HEHEHEHEHEHEH
taglist: @starpachinko @2ukika @sukunabish @somethinglikero @wannabewolf @milliex01x @princessa143 @hrithi11 @katsukita69 @slayzzz @arcanefeelings @shirabu-k @izzzzzzig @zah2890 @evergumi @aerareads @flashilyquinn @raedollsstuff @happylildeath @anormieee @l1v1ngzomb1e @kimkimoruo @sunnyf4lls @saekolust @kalulakunundrum @xastoriaaurax @feliaeae @sleepyxzn @raya4643 @kaidostwin
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jooyeonsvape · 2 months ago
Text
fuck buddy : mingyu smut
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genre: smut
w/c: 3.1k
warnings: dom!mingyu, sub!reader, female reader, sex toys, throat fucking, edging, dry humping, name calling
a/n: i hope you enjoy!! make sure to like and follow 🙏🏻 my requests are open, send me anything!
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there's quite a big weight that immediately lifts off your shoulders when your boyfriend and you finally call it quits after contemplating the past few days on your future with each other. there was no malice or hatred between you and him, you've just grown apart through the years.
the two of you lived together, so now you were currently moving out, into your best friends apartment and starting anew. "thank you for letting me stay, i have money saved up so i'll pay half the rent every month," you hug your friend and she pulls back a little. "don't worry about rent, just cook for me and i'll be fine."
you finish packing the last of your things at your now ex-boyfriends house and look around the room you shared years of love together. you let out a deep sigh, leave the house, and put your key under the mat. 
your bestfriend and you go to her apartment, quickly unpacking your items in her spare room, and you plop on her couch when you're finished. "we should go out tonight and meet cute boys," she suggests and you start giggling, shaking your head. "i just ended a 3 year relationship 2 days ago, i'm not looking for another one right now." 
your friend wraps her arms around you, always being this touchy with everyone, so you were used to it. "i'm not saying get in a relationship right away, you need a 'slut phase', it's healthy after breaking up with someone," she huffs, pulling away from your body so she could cross her arms, "i'd actually prefer sleeping around rather than be in a relationship." 
you hum and think on it. the last time you've had sex was months ago due to your schedules being different and your ex never having the time for you, which was one of the reasons for the breakup. 
"okay, but instead of going out, can we have a girls night with our other friends and just scroll through tinder or something?" you pout, not really wanting to socialize with anyone right now. she nods and texts in your friends' group chat, 'slumber party at our apartment, bring snacks.'
during the sleepover, you scroll through tinder not being particularly impressed by anyone so far, but you continue and try to be less picky.
after hours of scrolling, you only found a few that was up to par with your type and one of your friends gasp loudly, making everyone turn their head. “im so stupid!! if you want to experience new things instead of vanilla sex, you should see mingyu!” your best friend claps her hands and grabs your shoulders, “you NEED to visit mingyu, i should’ve suggested it before.”
all the girls seem to know who he is, but you are looking around like a lost puppy, being the only one not knowing the name. “i’ll pay for your first night with him, don’t worry.” one of the other friends say, typing on her phone.
“wait wait wait… who the hell is mingyu?” you finally ask and there is a blush on all of their faces.
“he beds bored women and knows a women’s body better than they do.”
“he’s so sexy.”
“i’ve spent thousands on him when i need to feel something.”
you nod and get quite intimidated at the thought of sleeping with someone besides your ex. “well, what does he look like?” you whisper out and when the phone is turned to you, of his face, your breathe stops for a minute.
your heart was beating fast and hands are clammy just looking at his picture. “how much do you have to pay?” you ask and your friends look at each other. “$100 an hour, $1,000 to spend the night, and a $50 an hour fee for a phone call.” your mouth goes wide and look at them to see if they were pranking you, but their faces showed no indication of joking.
“that’s far too expensive..” you mumble and your best friend shakes her head, “it’s worth it, i promise.” you just simply shrug and your other friend sets up a date for next week, paying the fee.
the nervousness that you felt in your stomach all week only heightened as you walk to the address of mingyu. he said to be there at 5:00 pm but you were running a little late, hopefully he didn’t mind.
at 5:25 pm exactly you follow the instructions that your friend gave you, typing a code on mingyu’s apartment security system. a loud buzzer noise was heard and the door unlocks for you, entering the extravagant apartment.
you walk down a hallway, looking around for the man your friends keep raving about, and finally see a figure sitting in a chair, cross legged.
“mingyu? sorry i’m late-” before you could finish your sentence, the man cuts you off, “it’s mr. mingyu or mr. kim, and you are late, which i don’t like.” he sternly speaks, making your body get chills. “s-sorry..” you whimper out, walking closer to him.
the room was dark and you can’t even see his face, just his body in a suit. he switches on a lamp next to him, looking your body up and down. “you’re forgiven, after all this is your first time to see me. if you do it again you’re going to be punished, got it?” mingyu asks, but you were curious on what kind of punishment he was talking about. “got it?” he again asks, more persistently this time and you nod.
mingyu sighs and stands up from the chair, walking closer to you until you hit the wall behind you. he puts a hand on the wall aggressively next to your head, and the other tracing your cheek skin with his thumb. “you’re quite pretty darling… i wonder why you came to see me.”
a puddle of wetness was soon forming in your panties at his hand touching your skin, he seemed to know how to handle your body even though he’s only touched your cheek so far. “i just broke up with someone, needed more experience.” you mutter out and mingyu hums, leaning down to kiss your cheek where he was rubbing.
“it says you’re open to anything sexually on your invoice, so i’m going to assume there’s no rules?” he asks looking at his phone and you shake your head, “no sir.” when mingyu hears the name his lip curls, still looking at your invoice. “we have 3 hours together, let’s have some fun.”
you were so nervous about what he was about to do to you but it was also thrilling, the only sex you’ve ever known was missionary and it only lasted 5 minutes maximum.
mingyu walks the both of you to his bed where he had a plethora of toys on a side table next to the bed, making you gulp. “lay down pet, i’ll take good care of you.” his voice was so low it made your skin cover with goosebumps.
“i am very kinky, i pride myself on being able to make a woman cum on command. i don’t like kissing on the lips or using my dick, so everything i do to you will be from my fingers, mouth, or the various toys.” mingyu introduces and you nod, finding it weird he won’t be having actual sex with you.
“if it’s too much for you, we can have a safe word if you’d like, i usually go with grapefruit.” mingyu continued and you just nod again, “that’s fine.”
you watch as the man walks to your side of the bed, managing to take off your shirt and also unclip your bra at the same time, taking both of the pieces off skillfully. you were astonished at his fingers and he sees you looking impressed, chuckling to himself.
you were now left in panties and skirt, squeezing your thighs together gently at the puddle still building in your underwear. mingyu grabs your boobs in his hands, giving them a big squeeze, your body jolting at his roughness.
he leans in to give your neck kisses while he lifts up your skirt, letting your panties be visible to him. mingyu teases you by trailing a finger down your body, dragging it painfully slow, past your belly button and to the top of your pantie line.
his pace never fastens as he enters his long fingers inside your panties, his middle finger rubbing slow circles around your clit. the noise you made when he touched you was foreign, never feeling something so pleasurable.
you hear a low chuckle come from his mouth when you moan and squirm in his arms so he would give you more. “be patient baby girl.” mingyu murmured in your ear, sending chills down your back. “i’ll take my time with you.”
you restlessly lay while he rubs your clit with two fingers now, building speed with every circle he does over your bean.
your body jerks and moans slip out, bucking your hips gently. “damn, how needy are you?” mingyu teases, dragging a finger down your folds, “you’re so wet Y/N.” you moan, biting down hard on your lip when he enters a finger inside your tight pussy.
“take off the rest of your clothes, i want to play with you.” he commands, standing to pick up a few toys off his table.
you look over as you were undressing, seeing him holding a vibrator, dildo, and handcuffs. you gulp down the knot stuck in your throat, nervous for what was about to come.
“lay spread eagle, im going to cuff you.” you nod and do as instructed, your arms and legs spreading wide for him. he tightens the cuffs around your limbs, giving your clit a kiss once he’s done and grabs the vibrator.
mingyu turns it on low, dragging it up and down your pussy, making your body already spasm. the movements of the feeling of it rest on your clit was so erotic, you’ve never owned one and you didn’t know it felt this good.
“why are you holding your moans? tell me how good i make you feel.” he whispers, looking up at you through his eyelashes and you nod, letting the breathe you didn’t know you were holding, out. you never dirty talked before or had it done to you so it made you shy when you hear his voice.
“i’m going to use this next,” mingyu states, holding up the biggest dildo you’ve ever seen. you gulp again, the girth was bigger than your forearm and you stutter, “i-is that going to fit in me?” he chuckles at your innocence and nods, giving your pussy a hard slap, making you moan loud. “it’ll fit perfectly.”
you relax and look down at him rubbing your juices on the tip, teasing your hole before sliding the dildo in you. the vibrator was still buzzing on your clit when he did this and you instantly cum without meaning to. you let out the biggest yell of the night, gripping the headboard under your restriced wrists.
mingyu smirks to himself, knowing you just came, and pushes the dildo further inside you. he didn’t expect to let you leave here with just one orgasm.
you became more comfortable with moaning, yelling his name at times and he gives your clit a slap every time you didn’t say “mr. mingyu.”
he finally enters the dildo inside you fully, sitting up so he could roughly thrust it in and out of you, never missing your soft spot with every move. “f-fuck, i’m cumming again.” you yell out, arching your back.
he took this as a chance to tease you, pulling the dildo out of you quickly, seeing your hole tighten when he removed the toy. he also pulls the vibrator off your clit then stands to uncuff you, watching you pant and shake from the pleasure.
mingyu stands above you, picking you up and positioning you to doggy style, engulfing your pussy in his mouth. “you taste so sweet, best pussy i’ve ever eaten.” he was being truthful whether you knew it or not, he enjoyed tasting you on his tongue.
there was a strange feeling in his pants he’s never felt with any of his other dates, he was growing a hard on by your moans. “can you please stick a finger in?” you ask pitifully, turning around to look at him with a dirty smirk he hasn’t seen yet.
mingyu clears his throat and adjusts his pants, trying to get any kind of pressure on his dick he could. “say the magic word.” he gets back in his character, teasing your hole with his finger but not entering it until you say please.
you continue to look at him and push your ass backwards so his finger enters, he was stunned but it was so hot. you continue to move your ass and fuck his finger, not needing his help.
mingyu pulls his finger away and stands up, pressing his bulge to your ass, giving you a hard slap. he slowly grinds against you which he’s never done before, giving you two more slaps, making your ass red.
“you seem hard sir, do you think you should slide your big dick inside me?” you ask, already knowing he didn’t fuck his clients.
mingyu pulls his hips away, throwing you on your back so he can see your face. “you’re such a slut.” he groans, lifting your legs up as high as they could go. “you want me to fuck you this badly?” he asks looking down at your wetness leaking on his sheets.
“yes i want you to fill me up sir.” you whimper, grabbing your sensitive boobs in your hands, squeezing on them hard. even you were surprised by your actions but he uncovered a secret freak inside you didn’t know was there.
mingyu hesitates before unbuckling his belt, there was something about you that made him want to feel your walls around him. even if girls before begged, he never fucked them.
“come to the end of the bed and suck my dick.” he commands and you crawl to his standing body, helping him take off his pants. “i’ve never done this before, so you have to teach me.” you smirk, gripping his big dick his your small hand.
when mingyu hears this he takes your hand that was wrapped around him, spitting on it, “jerk.” you nod, getting more wet at the feeling of his spit on you.
your hand goes up and down on his dick, jerking with a hard grip on him. without being asked, you lean down and spit on his tip, mixing his precum with your spit, going back to jerk him fast.
the sight of you jerking him made his dick grow bigger and you lean down slowly kissing his tip. he throws his head back and moans lowly, the sound making you take him all in your mouth.
you bob your head up and down on his dick, laying your tongue flat on the bottom of it, “you sure you haven’t done this before?” mingyu asks between moans with a laugh, your cheeks turning red.
he grabs the sides of your head, slowly starting to thrust in your mouth, making you gag. he was encouraged by your gags, gradually going faster.
saliva was dripping out of your mouth as mingyu slams harder in your throat, giving you no mercy as he slams. “you like this baby girl? you got me to fuck your whore mouth.” he grunts, starting to sweat at his hairline.
you moan against him, sending vibrations and he gives one last hard slam before pulling out of your mouth, the spit dripping down your chin. “so sexy.” he whispers, laying on his back and jerking himself at the sight of you.
“come ride me.”
“yes sir.” you say hoarsely, straddling his waist and looking down at half of his suit still on. you pull the tie off slowly and grind against him, making him give you an ass slap.
“what did i say?” mingyu asks, bucking up his hips underneath you, slapping you again when you ignore him.
“i want to see your beautiful chest sir.” you pout, unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt purposely slow. he grunts and grabs your waist, letting you grind fast on his aching cock.
after you successfully take off his shirt, you lean down, kissing his neck and chest. your liquids now fully covered his dick with your grinds and he lifts you up, slamming into you without warning. “fuck mingyu!!” you yell and he slaps your ass hard, banging his hips up into you fast.
the fast movements made you tighten around him, and you started bouncing on him in the same rhythm as his thrusts. you grab your boobs and throw your head back, the feeling of your clit rubbing against his lower abdomen making you cum soon.
“i’m close sir, can i cum?” you ask, kissing his neck more and leaving hickeys. mingyu hums with pleasure, both of you keeping your fast pace.
“cum with me.” he commands and you whimper, not knowing when he’d cum. you hold it in as long as you can but start shaking when he teases you by rubbing your clit.
you stop your movements and fall into his neck when he fucks you, the pleasure getting too intense.
he kisses your ear and you can hear his grunts, “cum now.” he whispers, slapping your ass again, your body spasming ontop of him, and let out another yell that came out as a cry.
mingyu groans just as loud, feeling his warm cum shoot inside your pussy, you follow his lead and cum around him. he feels you tighten your walls around him and moans, his dick sensitive from the orgasm.
you lay on his chest, dick still inside you, heavy breathing in his neck. “that was the best sex i’ve ever had.” you whisper in his ear and he nods, rubbing your butt slowly in his hand. “me too baby.”
you blush at him, nuzzling your head in his sweaty neck, “you do this as a job, there’s no way i was the best.” you laugh and he kisses your head softly, “it really was, i dont get to use my dick often.”
you blush more and look up at mingyu’s red and wet face, “my 3 hours is over, thank you for today.”
he grabs your waist so you couldn’t get up and lays your head back in neck. “i think you have a few more hours.” his eyes were closed and he was murmuring so you knew he was tired, as were you.
you giggle softly, “are you going to fall asleep inside me?” he nods, grabbing a blanket and putting it over the two of you. “you can get free services from now on.” he whispers and you knew he would be a long, pleasurable fuck buddy.
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