#there is one lil bit in the middle im mad at that i couldnt fix but thats ok ignore it lolol

[duderaveart]

i have not made an edit in.. many moons.. go easy on my old heart

[venusiangguk]

🧍🏻‍♀️so i started reading idealizations at 1am.. its now 3:30am.. im in a pool of my own tears.. alexa play the one that got away by katy perry I KNOW THEY PROBABLY DID SOMETHING BC OF THAT ENDING BUT IM SO MAD AND SO SAD AND THE LYRICS FITS THE VIBE OKAY

i- i dont even know.. im mad.. im mad bc the actions and words jungkook said and did to oc were the exact same reasons why he didnt believe in love AND HE KNEW THAT BUT KINDA BLAMED IT ON THE ONE WITH THE STARRY EYES IM SO 😩😠👊🏻 I KNOW HE “TOLD” HER WHY ..PERO LIKE HE BARELY TOLD HER ANYTHING AT THE SAME TIME WHEN SHE ASKED

he said: “imma give everything AND nothing at the same time” AND THEN WHEN HE REALISED OML i really want to throw my slipper at him like: you woke up late mf!! 😠🤬👎🏻 also youre gonna ruin her.. again by even suggesting!:/!):&/!:&/!:!-!&:$

i know he did it bc he saw his “old self” in her and wanted to save her from the hurt.. here jungkook i think you dropped this 🤡 ..unfortunately just bc you tell them what you know/learned, some are not gonna listen until it happens to them/see it happen in front of them

im also mad bc oc saw all the signs and stored them away, keeping them hidden but she loved the feeling he gave her, and that maybe fate is never wrong, and was so caught up in her fantasy that she ended up hurting her own heart (jk doing the things he did did NOT help with that one bit BOO!! 😠)

but she ignored what the teacher during the lecture (also lowkey life lesson right there 😳) cause the teacher basically described exactly what oc, and tbh what most ppl do, when it comes to love and ideal love ..so am i mad at me?? (oml not the sudden crisis over here 💀🤚🏻) BUT she also kept on taking a step back when the rose coloured glasses began to crack, and went to living in bliss and denial like its some tape that would fix it ..until that day

..last part 😐 ✨no thoughts✨

oml this is so long 😬 okay after that long rant 🧍🏻‍♀️ i do love this fic and how you basically played out their version of “right place wrong time” trope. i prefer.. pleasant endings but the way you ended it made sense. also the side characters, they didnt have big parts in the fic but the way you incorporated them felt authentic and natural. jimin’s character was interesting bc he was there in the background but he played a part in the major turning points for both jk and oc.. in my eyes at least. also i couldnt enjoy the smut like i usually do bc i was preparing myself for the ✨sad✨😔 and no the preparation didnt work 💔

okay im gonna end this here and just think about this forever bc what? jungkook thinks he can just convince oc to give in even tho he’s [redacted] like he’s about to convince me?? bc yes 😠 also bc this took me almost 2hrs to write and gather my thoughts so its almost 5am where im at 🤡

‘i’m gonna give u everything and nothing at the same time’ wait why does that sum him up so well 😭 also not u having a crisis mid message aksdhkl and! ur take on jimin’s character was interesting! he knew jk the best but also was dating oc’s bff so i think he was a lil caught in the middle... him during the fight just standing there 🧍🏻but thank you so much for reading n for this message!!

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Nightmare

Warnings- Non Con situation, involved around Y/N dealing with aftermath of Survival. Sensitive subject. Personally I just felt like Y/N trauma needed to be told. 

Im hesitant to add tags, but I will, can choose to read or not. 

Word Count- 2413

Would it ever end?

You laid there limp as the beast of a man rutted into you, his breath hot and sour washing over your face and you could imagine it tangling in your hair, never to escape the feel of it huffing from him. His hands pawing at you, rough bruising grasps and sharp stings to constantly bring you back to attention on him, not even giving you the freedom to loose yourself in your mind. “Your such a good fuck” He grunted out, the face looming above you greedily taking it all in. Dirty, you felt ruined at this point and no longer tried to fight it. Oh you did at first, but there sheer size and overall health made them stronger, and knowing that they had nothing to fear, there viciousness in what they could do was unbound. In hours they broke you all over, you knew your nose and possibly cheek bone was busted, marks covering your body, and mentally, well that shattered last. After they told you how Curtis was basically alone and they been toying with him.

"You really think hes coming back Doll, dontcha?" He leaned in close to your face, trying to catch your lips as you turn your head away.

"Awww Sid, this little cunt here dont know no better. We be keeping tabs on you tail enders. Easy to pay for information back here." Your gut sank, cause people were desperate enough, it would be easy.

"He ain't getting there darling." His fingers grabbed your chin to make you look at him, drive his point home. "He will be dragged back here and bullet between his eyes. Way it always been. Now, you gonna be my sweet lil hunny, or we gotta keep breaking you in?"

Someone end it please.

Finally he got off you, his hand planting against your chest to leverage, his weight made all the air rush out and make you gasp "awww I knew you liked that baby by all those little noises" he laughed and twisted your hip enough to spank your ass "best youve ever had, I can tell." Tucking himself away, he left you alone and for a moment your just quiet, but the shock wears off and a sob breaks, making you roll to your side and pull up your legs, your body racked with pain. Fuck you needed it to end.

Laying in the middle of the aisle, you prayed one of the survivors of the most recent massacre got the children away, they unfortunately had to witness the execution style killings, you didnt want this atop of it. Moments later you felt a pair of hands grasp your coat and you flinch.

"Y/N, ssh its just Sara." The woman crooned and you tipped your head to look at her.

"Hide, get out of sight or else... " it was a dangerous time to be a survivor.

"I will, I cant leave you here for when they come back, your bunk isn't far. Out of sight, out of mind right?" She pushed on you to get you to move, and unsteadily you pull yourself up. It wasnt that far. And if this was gonna be it, you might as well be where you were happiest. Together you shuffled down the aisle. Looking up, the climb seemed so much longer then usual and Sara glanced up to what you were looking at. "What about Edgars bunk?"

"No, I can make it.... I want to be home." Your voice had a hint of a plea, and she nodded.

"Okay, brace your foot there and I will help push you up."

After a few moments, you rolled into yours, and hearing someone clamping up the aisle, Sara disappeared from sight. Please keep going, please keep going.... You got lucky, they didn't stop.

Laying in the bunk, you roll to your back to look up, it was familiar. You could feel yourself slightly loosening, letting the pain creep in slowly. First it was the physical, your fingers lightly probing your face and wincing at even the slightest touch. Your fingers came back sticky, blood. You thought it had dried but the cut must have reopened.

Touches flowed down your body and you sobbed, trying to muffle with your sleeve over your face. What were you going to do? You didnt want to tell Curtis. Fuck, Curtis, was he even still alive? If he wasn't, it would end you. Your brother was taken, your parents executed... Curtis was whom you had left.

In this moment you couldnt help but be mad he wasn't here, scared that he might not come back, and shock settling in due to the past 6 hours? 12 hours? You had no idea how long its been anymore.You lost track when they lined up the car with the people to be executed, one by one they crumbled. You had seen it before once, but all that followed. Tears started blurring your vision and you twisted to your side, tucking your legs in against your stomach, small, fetal, can you disappear if you try hard enough?

Lifting your gaze, one of Curtis coats was nearby and you reached to grasp it. Dragging it over yourself, you tuck yourself tighter, able to hide yourself under it entirely.

It was familiar, the scent enclosed you, the slight scratchy wool rough against your cheek, you didn't care about the pain. Rubbing your face in it, feeling it dry your tears. The weight of it, almost like Curtis was right there.

Hand splaying against your stomach "I got you baby, it was just a nightmare." Warmth against your back and the feeling of his beard scratching lightly against your neck, whispering to you. "Can you tell me Babygirl?"

The silence stretched out the seconds. You wanted to, but your words were lost. He didnt push yet, kissing your shoulder. His fingers sought out your skin underneath, rubbing gently along your hip, then along your ribs. It was gentle and calming, you finally loosened enough to speak.

"Same as always, going through the cars to find Matt. But can never find him. I cant ever find him." Twisting to face him, he tugs you in against him, hiding your face against his chest, his arms tightened instinctively around you. "The worst is I just don't know. If hes dead, then hes gone." Your voice cracks, guilt seeping in your tone, muffled in his shirt. "But what if Matt's alive Curtis? And he is waiting for me. All this time waiting..." Drifting off, he leans back slightly and looks down at you, right now you look so small in his arms.

"Y/N, babygirl you did all you could that day. Wilford plays god for now and takes what he wants. But it won't always be that way. Matt won't hold it against you that your trapped here"

Silent you listen and nod against his chest, he turned and laid on his back, letting you get comfortable again, you knew he was right. There really wasnt anything more to be done that day.

You smiled slightly at the memory, albiet sad it still was one you fell back on. It blossomed an ache of familiarity in your chest, always taking care of someone he was.

You were currently trying to wash dirty rags for the sick bay your parents managed, a few bunks set aside for when people shouldnt be in the general population. Wringing the rags out, you couldnt help but hear a little girl somewhere in the shadows sniffling. Before you could go find her to see if she was okay, Curtis had heard her as well. You simply watched, this was the first time you have seen him interact with the children since what had happened in the beginning, normally he tried to avoid them, as well as there parents urging there children to stay away from well everyone. 

“Hey, why you crying?” He moved to slide down onto the floor, sitting next to the little girl, holding something in her lap.

“My dolly broke, and I cant fix her.” She held up a barbie doll that had seen better days. Its hair was matted, scuffed and the normal tan looking doll was almost black. She was a well loved toy though, so few and far between, it was probably one of the few still existing on the last car. Curtis reached for the doll and the arm that had popped off. 

“Well now lets see what we can do.” He studied it a moment, his brows coming together in concentration, and the little girl shuffled in closer, watching his hands work on the arm just as closely as he was, her tears catching just enough light to sparkle as the remainder got caught in her lashes, all but forgotten now. Suddenly there was a triumphant grin, and a squeal of happiness from the girl as she sprang up, holding out her hands to retrieve her doll joyfully. 

“You did it! You fixed her!” She lunged to hug him and ran off, calling a name you didnt catch. Curtis just watched her dissapear. You step out from where you had been watching, hands to hips, grinning.

“Well arnt you a hero.” 

Catching him by surprise, a bit of pink rising to his face and he pushed up off the floor, scowling a bit. “It was nothing” 

“Uh huh, tell that to her.”

He gave a shrug and tried to change the subject. You let him, but you certainly werent going to forget it. 

Sighing to yourself, you stretch your legs out a bit, wincing at the stiffness and aches settling in your thighs. It had grown quiet in the car, sometimes a broken sob broke from somewhere, and you covered your ears for now to block it out. 

It was one of those rare times they held a meeting outside of Gilliams section, McGregor laying out his idea of getting out of the last car. You were hiding in one of the bunks, just watching the men and women hash out there ideas, your father planning on going to help with the wounded along the way “We will bring up the back, my wife and I so just leave them there. We can have survivors patched up and brought back.” 

“We will set you up a team for that, now we need people who can follow me in the charge, just know...” The man looked around the group. “This will be the worst casualties. They out weapon us on every level. All we have is surprise.” 

There were mummers of concerns and volunteers, and much to your worry and not so much surprise, you heard Curtis voice ring out. “Let me in the front, Im one of the strongest you got” 

Leave it to him to be ready to sacrifice himself. 

Later you caught up with him, tugging on his coat. “Curtis, you dont have to do that, go with McGregor. You can help us with the injured.” Maybe your fear was making you ask the impossible, cause his glance at you told you what you already knew. There was no way he would be staying behind. 

“I have to Y/N, theres already not many who can and if we have a shot at getting out of this car, we have to take it. Regardless of the casualties.” He simply stated. His next words still hurt thinking about them. “Besides, I have alot to make up for, this is the least I can do.” 

And there it was, that guilt he carried with him. It ate at all the good he ever did, and not even if you screamed it at him, would he ever forgive himself. Youve caught him, when he didnt think anyone was paying him any mind look at any of you like he didnt deserve you all, You, Tonya, Edgar, Gilliam.... That he was a man who it would all be taken away at any moment, cause of his past. “Curtis it was so long ago, no one blames you for it, hell we all would be guilty.” 

“It wasnt that long ago Y/N” And that was it, he was done talking. 

Dropping your hands from your hands, you listen and there it is, thump thump thump, echoing footsteps seeking the bunks. It would only be a matter of time before they came to yours. You scootch over by the wall, keeping the jacket over yourself and fisting it in your hands, unwilling to loosen your grip on it. 

It was so dark, you couldnt see him over you, but you could feel him. Every brush of his hand gentle as they brought you back down, his lips covering your neck with a groan before he sank over you, smothering you for the moment, and made you feel protected, safe, cherished. You loved the feeling of his weight pinning you in place, and if he wanted to stay like that, You would have happily done so. But all to soon he shifted to the side, not wanting to hurt you being pinned underneath and you roll in against him, not wanting to loose that contact. 

When you moved back against him, his hand moved into your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands, he always loved the softness, the feeling of it. Claimed it was the softest thing he had felt in years and would run his fingers through it till long after youve fallen asleep. 

“I love you Y/N” 

“I love you to Curtis” Kissing his neck as you press in close and a smile is pressed to his jawline, you two had just started really saying it and it still gave you the flutters hearing it. 

The footsteps stop and you can hear your curtain being ripped from where it was hanging. Seconds, it was all you had left before Curtis coat was ripped off from your shaking body, no matter how tight your grip was. “Ahhh, there you are! was wondering where you done crawled off to.” There was no where else to go, and a hand twisted in your hair, dragging you to fall out of your bunk, landing on your back with a wink knocking thump, leaving you gasping to try and breath again. No! your mind screams, but again your left without a way to escape. 

All you can do is fall back into your memories as much as possible. 

@jtargaryen18​ @curtisbbq​

@what-is-your-plan-today​