#there is nobody. i'm in the wrong place. this side is only about destruction. not creation.

[maryellencarter]

Aaaand starting to see the stupid performative "i hate the fourth of july and you have to too or you're Evil" posts floating around already

If y'all reblog those, I'd appreciate if you could tag them. I have "whole country disposal service" blocked for the purpose

I hold the opinion, extremely unpopular among anybody who will accept my existence (even @camshaft22 gives me the whole "it's outdated you're being a crypto-Republican, blah blah hypocritical old white men, stop valuing it" spiel), that having an official document saying "freedom is a fundamental human right, deciding how you will be governed is a fundamental human right" is Good actually.

Of course they didn't actually mean everybody! We've had this conversation! "The creators weren't morally pure" and "The work doesn't say anything good" are two different complaints!

So look at what the work says. Do we agree that people have human rights? Do we agree that if a government is regularly killing or imprisoning its people, it should Stop or be stopped?

"oh I believe in the glorious revolution" where the fuck do you think that idea *came from*. Where do you think your whole concept of overthrowing the government came from. You live in a culture. Rejecting the Fourth of July while actively worshipping the concept of overthrowing a bad government and trying to make a better one -- you sound like those atheists who celebrate Christmas but while telling Jews and Muslims it's not a Christian holiday because you celebrate it. But in the opposite direction.

Anyway. My country is dying. My country has always been kind of crap about actually giving most people their human rights. It is about to stop giving anybody any human rights whatsoever.

That doesn't mean that "we're starting this country by writing down our ideas of basic human rights" was a bad thing! And it doesn't mean "let's have a holiday about that document" is a bad thing.

I will be celebrating the Fourth of July, as usual, by reading the Declaration of Independence and trying to find anyone interested in having a discussion about it. One year I actually found someone. She is dead. I will not actually find anyone again.

I don't have anywhere else to be except Tumblr, or I'd go there. So I will be surrounded by jackoffs bragging about how smart they are to shit on the source of the ideals they take for granted.

[bvidzsoo]

Obliviate Me

✩‧₊˚ Obliviate ⇄ to forget [Latin] ✩‧₊˚

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: dark!Park Seonghwa x female reader

✩‧₊˚ Warning: smut, addiction, ptsd, mentions of war, violence, fights ✩‧₊˚ Word count: 27.6k ✩‧₊˚ Rating: nsfw ✩‧₊˚ Genre: Harry Potter!au, set in the forties/Grindelwald's time, lovers to enemies!au, tragic love!au ✩‧₊˚ Summary: ✩‧₊˚ Grindelwald's reign holds everyone under terror, and you decide you want to join the right side and put an end to it. But the stars seem to refuse to align for you and your lover as you find yourselves on opposing teams. Will your love prevail, or will you succumb to the darkness? ✩‧₊˚

A/N: My lovelies, I...I am bawling my eyes out ngl, I can't believe I wrote this. Bring a box of tissues with you before you sit down reading, I am already forever sorry if I cause anyone any heartache<3 I have proofread this, but it's past 1am and you might still find mistakes, so I'm sorry about that! There's little time jumps in here, so for a quick clarification, after each divider you'll find them back in the current time (which is still in the forties!). I probably had a lot more things to say, but I forgot and I'm sleepy, so I'll settle for this much: there are probably some inaccuracies to the Harry Potter canon events as I took some creative liberty so yeah, keep that in mind when reading; also Mingi and MC aren't related, they just share the same surname! I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into this oneshot y'all (as into everything I write LOL), so I hope you enjoy! I appreciate all of your thoughts, so please leave feedback, I love reading them!<3 (special shotout to @hwasbbyg because somehow I always have you in mind when I'm writing something Seonghwa related <3) divider

            Times were dire, both in the Wizarding World and the Muggle World. Supremist leaders with atrocious views unleashed attack after attack upon innocent civilians, creating more destruction than victory. My heart broke daily reading the newspaper, both the muggle and wizard one. It made my blood boil that two men, so different yet similar upon closer view, would play God and decide what was wrong and right. Who was pure and who deserved to suffer. Nobody was perfect, nobody will ever be. I couldn’t just sit idly at home and be the housewife many women dreamed of becoming after graduating. I wanted to make a name for myself, I wished to become strong enough to save the innocent, to take their side and advocate for those who were too scared or weak to do so for themselves. That is why upon graduating from Hogwarts, I became an Auror. The training was harsh and demanding, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t ready to bear if it meant it would lead to saving millions of lives. I was sick of all the spilled blood and wailing on the streets, I wished to see peace and serenity, to go to bed without the fear of never waking up again. Four years have passed since I have left the confines of Hogwarts, since I was forced to face the horrors of the outside world, to fend for myself, and to become someone. It was hard and terrifying, but for once, I felt complete. I felt happy with where I stood in my life, I was proud of who I had become. And I knew that as long as Grindelwald isn’t stopped, I shall not rest even for a second.

The auditorium was small in size and stuffed, the benches placed in a circular shape around a platform that had a table sitting on it and a chair. It was deep down on the second level, far away from the Auror’s offices, hidden between the women’s and men’s restrooms. The auditorium wasn’t meant to be easily found and it was only used when a situation had turned dire, when an emergency meeting just had to be called. I had chosen to sit towards the back of the auditorium, closer to the exit as the air felt stale and warm inside the stuffed room, at least thirty aurors squeezed together towards the front of the room. My throat felt parched and my palms were sweaty as I had them placed in front of me, leveling my breaths as Theseus Scamander, the Head of the Auror Office, stood tall on the platform, a forlorn look on his face. Anyone who had picked up the newspaper earlier this morning must’ve seen the devastating news of the destruction caused to the small and welcoming wizarding village, Apo’s Nook. There was nothing left of it, just the ashes of ghosts that would haunt the land and the smoking foundations of destroyed homes that would never flourish again.

I felt a lump in my throat as Theseus sighed long and loud, eyes surveying the auditorium. It was deadly silent in here, everyone was either too mad or sad to say anything. The time was barely nine in the morning and we knew we had a long day ahead of us. This meeting was a top-secret one, whatever was said inside this auditorium would be never allowed to leave the confines of these walls. Only the best of the best aurors were called in, no doubt for a mission that would be challenging both physically and mentally. It wouldn’t be my first special mission, yet I couldn’t help but feel dread for what was to come. A tiny voice in the back of my head tried to whisper warnings this morning while I was getting ready to come to work, my gut twisting nauseatingly and making me more restless than I usually was. Something would happen here today that I wouldn’t like, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

“Good morning, aurors.” Theseus’ voice rang loudly in the quiet room and I gulped, feeling sweat collect on my nape, under my hair. I didn’t want to get rid of my jacket, finding the warmth it provided comforting, but I was sweating too much. Careful, not to make any sound, I wrestled out of the satin fabric and placed it onto the table in front of me. My dress was thick to protect me from the merciless winter, and it reached just below my ankles as the front had a V-cut that stopped just above the valley of my breasts, “I assume you all know by now why you’ve been called here.”

There was a collective murmur of confirmation to Theseus’ question and I gulped, patting my forehead free of any perspiration, “What occurred in the early hours of today’s morning is—terrible and unforgivable.”

I couldn’t help but let my eyes run over the aurors as Theseus’ voice shook with raw emotion. He was just as affected by the news as everyone else in the room. I fiddled with my fingers as my eyes finally fell on a familiar person, the tiniest smile slipping onto my lips. It brought little comfort and assurance to see my former professor in a place where I was surrounded by fearless warriors who were mere strangers to me, but would soon become my trusted companions. The only other two aurors that I did become friends with throughout the four years of working here were Song Mingi and Jeong Yunho, partners in missions and other aspects of life, and I haven’t seen them in over a month now. They were alive, and as safe as possible, but they were far away from our home, in a land colder and far scarier than what London was at the moment. They were close to the German border, spying on Grindelwald’s men having infiltrated themselves amongst them. They were our precious informants, their jobs far more dangerous than ours at the moment. I couldn’t help but pray every night to a God that listened, that the two people I started cherishing in such a short time would return to me in one piece and alive.

“Grindelwald has destroyed another village,” Theseus’ words snapped me out of my thoughts as Professor Dumbledore turned his head, gaze finding mine, “wizards and witches were killed once again because they refused to join his dark cause. This cannot go on anymore, I won’t allow it.”

Professor Dumbledore bowed his head slightly in a nonverbal greeting before he turned his head, looking at Theseus with an unreadable expression on his face. I gulped and subconsciously reached for the pocket of my coat, feeling around for the plastic holder in the shape of a tube.

“I was given full permission to construct a team that will directly take out Grindelwald’s men until he’s left with nothing, until he’s alone and powerless.” Theseus leered, face contorted into fury, “I shall task you with bringing down these disgraces one by one, dead or alive, I do not care as long they cannot help Grindelwald anymore.”

My fingers tightened around the plastic, my head turning when I saw a man stand up with a heavy-looking folder in his hands approach Theseus, “We have gathered all the information we could about Grindelwald’s most important wizards and witches, they are our main target. I want you all to look at these photographs closely, commit them to memory as each one of you will be handed one to capture and bring forth to the court.”

I watched from the back of the auditorium as the man opened the folder and placed it down on a table in the front row, starting to hand out photograph after photograph. Knowing that I sat way too far in the back, I rose to my feet and swiftly took the plastic bottle from my pocket, slipping it between my breasts so that nobody would see it. Pushing my hands behind my back, I walked down a few stairs until I reached the row that had more wizards sitting in it, grabbing a photograph that wasn’t being looked at yet. The picture was in black and white, but the face of the witch was clear. Something in my stomach coiled as I recognized her being my peer at Hogwarts, just a year above myself, and a Slytherin like I had been too. The man sitting next to me looked at me with a questioning gaze, and I passed him the photograph as he handed me another one, this one of an older wizard who had a cunning look in his eyes as he held a cigar between his teeth. Something was unsettling about his gaze as I leaned against the side of the table, passing it along as another then another photograph passed through my grasp as I committed their faces to memory. Some of these pictures seemed to have been taken recently, right at Apo’s Nook before it went up in flames. My jaw clenched as the witch in the next photograph was grinning widely as if she was taunting us, and I accidentally passed it to the man next to me a bit too harshly as he gave me a concerned look. I ignored him and took a deep breath, fingers itching to hold onto the plastic bottle hidden between my breasts. The news this morning had been too shocking, and I had no choice but to take two pills instead of one. It wasn’t healthy, but I did force my breakfast down my throat in hopes that it wouldn’t make me feel ill if I doubled the dose.

The next photograph that was passed to me was flipped upside down, and I sighed as I braced myself for another unfamiliar face to commit to memory, except that when I flipped it, my whole body froze, blood going cold. I tried to gulp, but I couldn’t due to the lump in my throat. My lungs contracted, and I desperately tried not to gasp as my fingers dug into the fragile paper and I fought the urge to rip the photograph into shreds. I knew this would happen sooner than later, but I realized how completely unprepared I was for it. The wizard in the photograph was smiling widely, the photo not recent at all, his round eyes turning upwards at the corners, his front teeth on full display. His hair had been freshly cut before the photograph was taken, yet it still fell in his eyes as he failed to style it—he was talented at many things, yet he never quite learned how to tame his wild hair. I could feel my hands start to shake the longer I stared at the face of my first love, my heart beating so fast my ears started to ring. I struggled to breathe and I knew I was turning pale as my lips parted, a quiet gasp leaving through them. It was enough to alert the man sitting next to me as I felt his eyes on me, but my body couldn’t react to anything as I crumbled up the photograph, throwing it far away from myself. I heard my name being called and words that sounded like they were asking if I was alright, but my vision had started turning black from the lack of oxygen. The room was too small, too stuffy, too warm; I couldn’t breathe.

Hands still shaking, I gripped my dress and lifted it above my ankles as I abruptly turned around, eyes settling on the exit desperately as I felt my feet take me up the stairs, running as I extended my hand way before I have reached the door to grab the handle. My heart was in my throat and the ringing in my ears was as loud as a kettle’s whistle, and I yanked the door open with all the force I could muster up due to the tremor of my whole body. The air of the hallway hit me hard, making me gasp loudly as I slammed the door shut behind me, feeling tears prick at my dry eyes as I flung myself forward, hands cushioning my crash as I flew into the wall in front of me, forehead banging against it. I needed it, I needed something painful to shake me out of my borderline psychotic state. I couldn’t take another pill so soon, I really just shouldn’t. I bit my lower lip as I struggled to take deep breaths, the tremors of my body worsening as my hands curled into fists, forcing me to close my eyes. The ringing in my ears had started to subside, but my heart was still beating way too fast and my throat was too dry. I really couldn’t take another pill just yet; however, my right hand was reaching for the bottle without wasting another second as I uncapped it and grabbed two pills out of it, throwing them back as my eyebrows furrowed, struggling to gulp them down at once.

I stood desperately waiting for the downers to kick in, the thumping of my head subsiding as the ringing of my ears went away completely, the tremors of my body remaining, however. I felt my muscles trying to relax, not even having noticed how tense they had become, and I gulped as I turned around to press my back against the wall, groaning as my head fell back. My throat had started hurting, the pills having scrapped it, but I couldn’t care less as my frantic heartbeat had finally started slowing down. I heard the door of the auditorium open, and my eyes opened as I watched my former professor approach me with a concerned look on his face. He held a plastic cup that he extended towards me, and I took it eagerly, downing the cool water as it finally soothed the ache in my throat. I crumpled the plastic in my fist, sighing long as I looked at Professor Dumbledore, wondering what was going through his mind having seen me in such a hysterical state.

“War is harsh,” As if reading my thoughts, his eyes twinkled with that familiar warm glint, “it affects everyone differently. You’ve seen things no woman your age should have, but you are a talented auror, Miss Song. However, I fear you won’t be amongst us for much longer if you continue abusing those.”

I felt shame crawl up my body as the professor’s eyes fell on the bottle, and I quickly hid it behind my back, “I’m sorry.”

I felt like a little child that was being scolded for doing something bad as I averted my gaze away from Professor Dumbledore’s, and sniffed as I noticed my heartbeat had finally returned to its natural rhythm.

“How are your parents doing, Miss Song?” Professor Dumbledore’s voice was soft, and I shrugged looking up at him.

“They are scared, as is everyone else.” I sighed, biting my lower lip, “I have moved them to the Wizarding World in hopes of keeping them safe, but nowhere is safe anymore, Professor.”

“It’s saddening, indeed.” The professor nodded, sharing my feelings of sadness that were slowly turning into despair, “But I think you did the right thing. The Wizarding World might not be the safest place at the moment, but it is a lot safer than the Muggle World.”

It was reassuring to hear the approval of my much wiser and smarter professor, and for a second, I believed that I had done something right for the first time in a long time. No matter how many dark wizards and witches I have captured, I never truly felt accomplished. It wasn’t enough, because I knew I could do better if sent on even more missions, and finally, the chance to fulfill my selfish desires while proving myself to be good and useful to my superiors, had come.

“Are you feeling any better now, Miss Song?” The professor’s eyebrows raised as I quickly hid the bottle back between my breasts and nodded, squaring my shoulders back. There it was, the condescending look of deep thought crossing the professor’s face as he looked towards the ground, humming lowly, “When it comes to the matters of the heart, it’s a slippery and unsure territory, Miss Song. You might think you are prepared to face whoever and take them out, but if you haven’t completely let go of them, your heart will outrule your conscious, your rationality. Even if you have long released the feelings you had once harbored for them, your more rational side might stop you, might hold you back from delivering the final blow.”

I felt tears trying to prick at my eyes as they snapped up, boring into Professor Dumbledore’s as he had a sad smile on his lips, “It’s difficult to forget your first love, Miss Song, no matter how deeply they have wronged you.”

The tremors in my hands haven’t disappeared and wouldn’t go away today, but they halted for a second as I gulped, throat feeling dry again, “He chose his path consciously, as I have chosen mine. Our beliefs have never truly aligned, it was just wishful thinking on my side, Professor. Love, an emotion I do not feel towards him anymore, isn’t stronger than my rational mind. If I would have allowed my heart to lead me throughout my life, I would be by his side now, wallowing in self-misery and pity for all the lives I allowed perish.”

“I have recognized your passion the moment you sat on the stool on the night of the sorting, Miss Song, you’ve known from the very first moment what you wanted and how to get it. I fear I haven’t met a Slytherin as determined and stubborn as yourself, Miss Song—”

“Not even Tom Riddle, sir?”

The professor’s expression suddenly became leveled, warm smile turning into a rather forced one, “I fear I cannot compare you to Tom Riddle, Miss Song.”

I hummed and smiled, memories of the younger boy bashing the professor for even the smallest inconvenience returning. I had never figured out where their distaste came for each other, but as it wasn’t my business, I never prodded more than necessary. I fixed my hair and made sure the little bottle couldn’t be seen as I glanced past the professor, feeling calm enough to join the aurors again, “We should head inside before they deem me unfit for this task, I would hate to miss out on this one, Professor.”

“They cannot afford to lose an auror like you.” Professor Dumbledore chuckled with a thoughtful look on his face as he led us towards the door, opening it for me like the true gentleman he was. I thanked him quietly as I stepped through the threshold, the lump back in my throat as the room went silent at once, everyone turning around to watch me and the professor as we descended the stairs. I went to sit at my initial spot, but Professor Dumbledore gently grabbed my elbow and veered me towards his seat, a witch making a place for me as she had an understanding look on her face.

“Is everything alright, Miss Song?” Theseus asked once the professor and I had taken our seats, the curious eyes of the other Aurors still watching me. I gulped and placed my hands on my knees, trying to hide the tremor behind the desk so that nobody would see it.

“Yes, Mr. Scamander, my apologies for storming out like that.” My voice was leveled as I forced my face to relax, and an easy smile appeared on my lips, “I felt a little ill this morning, I suppose it returned suddenly.”

“Right,” Theseus hummed, a smile matching mine on his lips, “that is reassuring to hear; however, I do wish for a quick recovery should it get worse.”

“Thank you.” I bowed my head as my hands fisted my dress, my heart rate picking up again as I felt the witch next to me gently rub my back. I wasn’t fond of being touched by strangers, but I didn’t have the willpower to ask her to stop. Finally, seemingly content with my half-assed lie, the attention wasn’t on me anymore as everyone went back to conversing with each other. Theseus cleared his throat and walked towards our table, Professor Dumbledore gathering the photographs as they were scattered around on the desk.

“While you were taking a breather, Miss Song, I have informed your colleagues that each one of them will be assigned a dark wizard to survey and consequently take down whenever the Office seems fitting.” I tried to gulp, my throat going dry once again. The witch was still rubbing my back and her touch had started burning my skin through my dress, making me fidget with my hands as I released the grip I had on my dress. I knew this was coming, but I didn’t feel ready. If I could’ve, I would’ve downed the whole bottle of pills, not minding if I would have been the one in need of a funeral.

“I see, Mr. Scamander, who had been assigned to me?” I felt the professor’s eyes take me in carefully as if I were a ticking time bomb, and the hand of the witch was finally away from my body, her sigh too loud as Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“Records say you have been peers with Park Seonghwa at Hogwarts, yes?” I failed to inhale air as my lungs contracted, my worst nightmare lay right in front of my eyes and ears, “Professor Dumbledore, could you confirm this for me?”

“Yes, Mr. Scamander, Miss Song and Mr. Park had been my students barely four years ago.” My eyes burned as I blinked them fast, scared that tears would flood them as my hands shook more, itching to grab the bottle even if for little reassurance. The sedatives weren’t working as they should have, I shouldn’t be so wired up and nervous still. I figured I should buy something stronger; the muggles were more lenient when handing out sedatives than the wizards if you knew how to put on your best act.

“Indeed,” My voice was emotionless, and I knew my face was unreadable as Theseus’ eyes narrowed, “I know Park Seonghwa, but just merely. He was a great student I often had to compete with for the first place in our year.”

The longer Theseus’ eyes bore into mine, the more prominent the soft prodding in my forehead became. I knew what he was doing, way too familiar with the feeling of having my mind invaded. He was searching for memories of Seonghwa and me, of anything that could prove I wasn’t lying and that our roots didn’t grow deeper than a surface-level acquittance. It was laughable how easy it was to veer Theseus around my mind, to trick him into seeing only what I wanted him to see. He wasn’t a born Legilimens, I could feel he was less strong than the likes of Tom Riddle, who was a born natural in his talent, and so, I knew Theseus wouldn’t figure out that I—in fact—was a born Occlumens, the will of my mind stronger than his surface-level talent. I watched as a satisfied expression settled on his features upon viewing the images I allowed him to see, like the brief snappy exchanges between Seonghwa and me when we were in class, trying to show off to the professors, or the duels where we loved to flaunt our skills, or the brief acknowledgments in the hallway when we so happened to pass by each other.

“Very well, Miss Song,” Theseus muttered and then slammed a photograph down in front of me, a much younger Seonghwa smiling mockingly at me, “I trust you to do your best and bring him to his downfall. Mr. Park is an important asset to Grindelwald’s army; we need him gone.”

“He shall be gone, then.”

1943

            The classroom was full of vigor as everyone pilled inside, rather excited to see what Professor Merrythought had up her sleeve for us today. She had promised a dueling class sooner than later, and, as we happened to be ahead on our curriculum in DADA class, we got permission from Headmaster Dippet to go ahead and transform our usual classroom into a dueling ring. This year, the Slytherins shared most of their classes with the Ravenclaws, the DADA class being one of them. I let my eyes run over the crowd of the gathering 6th-year Ravenclaws on the other side of the classroom, pressed up against the wall much like myself and my housemates. Despite the majority of students being in their 6th year, Professor Merrythought found it essential that all students above the age of fourteen learn how to duel due to the imminent threat looming above our heads, both in the Wizarding and Muggle World. Therefore, it came as no surprise that younger students were ushered inside by Professor Merrythought, who had a grin on her face. Finding the person I had been looking for in the crowd, on the other side of the classroom, a tiny smile made it onto my lips as I found him already looking at me attentively. His dark hair, once again, fell wildly around his head in curls that looked natural, framing his boyish features as his round eyes sparkled with excitement. I chuckled and felt more elated knowing that Seonghwa was here, the chance of getting paired up with him was rather high as we were the top students of our year.

“Miss Song.” I flinched at the sudden intrusive voice in my head, always taken aback when I was addressed telepathically. I looked away from Seonghwa, eyes falling onto the boy—who despite being younger, was a lot taller than me—was now standing next to me with a stoic expression, ice-cold blue eyes boring into my darker ones. I chuckled and pressed a hand against my chest, always impressed by his skills despite his younger age.

“Mr. Riddle.” I greeted back with a grin, the small prodding at my forehead proof that our telepathic connection worked both ways. It was rare that Tom allowed me inside his mind, and even then, he knew how to guide me around his thoughts to show me only what he wanted me to see—a skill he learned from me, rather quickly. He had a natural talent for learning and achieving accomplishments that wizards and witches older than him struggled to garnish. He was an admirable student and a force to reckon with, I was never too eager when he challenged me to a friendly duel under the pretext of gaining experience by dueling a student who was as outstanding as himself—in reality, he only wished to show off and torment me in the confines of the Room of Requirements when the two of us would head over to study.

“Now, children,” Professor Merrythought clapped her hands together as she walked between the parting crowd of students, everyone watching her curiously, “as you may know, Headmaster Dippet had granted us another dueling session, and I am beyond excited to teach you new tricks that may as well save your lives in the future. The rules are the same as always, no serious spells aimed to harm, and no maiming, Madam Gorsemoor has far more important tasks than to heal some children who didn’t take the rules seriously, yes?”

Everyone muttered a ‘yes’ at once, and Professor Merrythought had a pleased grin on her lips as she pulled her wide shoulders back, her golden eyes surveying the crowd, probably counting how many of us were here. Usually, no more than twenty students were allowed inside the classroom as Professor Merrythought wished to watch and help everyone, not just those few she noticed lacking in their skill, “Can someone tell me what we’ve learned in our last class?”

Several hands shoot up high in the air, mine included, and I felt compelled to look over to the Ravenclaws, not surprised at all to see Seonghwa’s arm high up in the air, shoulders pulled back to make him look taller. I stifled a chuckle and faced the front of the classroom again, feeling Tom’s questioning gaze on the back of my head, but I paid him no mind.

“Mr. Lovegood, perhaps?” Professor Merrythought pointed at the platinum blonde-haired wizard from Ravenclaw, who stood on his tiptoes, about to bounce up and down to gain the professor’s attention.

“Diffindo!” He exclaimed, cheeks flushing instantly as the students from his house snickered, the Slytherins remaining uninterested, “I mean, Diffindo and Relashio.”

“Very well, Mr. Lovegood, thank you.” Professor Merrythought hummed, eyes narrowing as she looked over the crowd once again, her eyes stopping on me as I offered her a small smile.

“I must remind you that Diffindo is a spell that brings great harm if not death to your opponent, and inside this classroom, we shall not use it against each other. And even outside of it, I advise you use it wisely and level-headed only if the occurrence calls for it—”

“Like—if it were for Grindelwald to attack us?!” A younger boy—from Ravenclaw—asked, heads turning in his direction as he yet had to grow a few inches.

“Yes, that’s the likely scenario I had in mind.” Professor Merrythought muttered pleased, nodding at the curious boy with big round eyes. He reminded me of Seonghwa when we had just started our journey at Hogwarts, always eager to learn more and curious about how everything around him worked. Since then, his nature remained but he learned how to control it, how to make it less obvious how big of a nerd he actually was. Some would say he tries to impersonate the ‘cool guy’ archetype, but I know him too well to believe those silly ‘rumors’, “Well, before we learn something new, I’d like to see a duel from our best duellists.”

I gulped, feeling eyes bore into the side of my head as I looked over to Seonghwa again, finding his eyes on me already once again. He was smirking, round eyes fierce as we both knew who Professor Merrythought would call to the front for a demonstration, “Miss Song, Mr. Park, would you grace us with your presence?”

I heard Tom chuckle behind me, unamused, no doubt having known we’d be the chosen ones for this task. It was rarely not us, even Seonghwa and I knew it. I patted down the front of my robe, dusting it off, then squared my shoulders as I made my way through the crowd, getting a few pats on the back from people who I was familiar with. I had grabbed my wand out of my pocket, and Seonghwa and I made it to the front of the class at the same time. His smirk had turned cheeky as he held his wand in his hands elegantly, twirling it playfully as I took a few steps backward and then adjusted my stance.

“Miss Song.” Seonghwa’s voice was deep, tone almost seductive, and I couldn’t help but grin and narrow my eyes at him.

“Mr. Park.” My tone was confident and full of assurance because I knew I would win this duel. I usually did. Seonghwa was very good at dueling, but I was better since I was faster and more agile. I was also a little more talented at wandless magic than he was, I found it amusing whenever he’d exercise next to me, growing frustrated with himself way too quickly. Professor Merrythought clapped her hands and stepped back as Seonghwa and I bowed to each other, wands gripped firmly in our hands as we took our stance for the duel. I zeroed in on Seonghwa only, focusing on the movements of his body, eyes boring into his as if I would read his mind—I could, but I knew he hated it, and what I hated more was when I made him hurt. Seonghwa stood alert, his dark eyes boring into mine, a curious glint in them, laced with mischief and anticipation as he was patiently waiting for me to make my first move. He usually wasn’t the one to attack first, and we both knew that. We’ve dueled each other many times already, we knew each other’s tricks and weakest points.

“Stupefy!” I exclaimed, throwing my hand out, my wand pulsing with power as a light blue zap quickly shot towards Seonghwa, who expertly threw up his defense wall, nulling my attack with a pleased expression. I chuckled under my breath and raised an eyebrow as I threw my next attack at him, “Flipendo!”

Seonghwa huffed as another jinx was thrown his way, raising his arm high as he cast another shield in front of his body, eyes narrowing as he realized I was trying to get him to fly to the other side of the classroom. I knew he was wary of injuring himself, and unless I teased him a little bit at the beginning of our duel, I knew he would try to go easy on me. But I didn’t want easy and friendly, I wanted him to have no mercy and fight as if we were in a real fight, against each other, with only one winner standing tall in the end.

“Stupefy!” Seonghwa exclaimed, the same light blue zap flying towards me, making me easily block his attack as I threw my arms up, casting an invisible shield. Unlike Seonghwa’s, mine remained blue and violet ripples the tell-tale sign that there was something in front of me. Seonghwa narrowed his eyes, calculating his next move as I sent a hot air charm his way, which he dodged skilfully, his black hair falling into his eyes. Seonghwa chuckled and twirled the strands behind his ear, graciously raising his hand, not even looking my way as suddenly electric blue flames came barrelling towards my shield, making the students in the classroom gasp in surprise, but also fear. Someone had started clapping hard, and I knew it was Professor Merrythought as she enjoyed the show the most out of everyone.

Seonghwa was smart, and so, he knew the blue flames would demolish my shield without hurting me, and I could hear Professor Merrythought explain just this to the students who watched us with even more excitement in their eyes. Deciding to not verbalize my next spell, I winked at Seonghwa as I made the hand movement that was required for the Waddiwasi spell, Seonghwa realized a moment too late as, suddenly, crumbled up parchments floated around me for a second, before propelling towards Seonghwa with force and speed that left him defenseless. Seonghwa gasped as he turned sideways, the little balls of parchment crashing against the side of his body without causing any damage—physical because his ego was probably bruised—and the students started laughing as Seonghwa hissed, facing me once again with piercing eyes. I grinned and curtsied teasingly, enjoying the way his cheeks had flushed from embarrassment, his grip tightening around his black wand. His lips didn’t move, but his hand did, and I narrowed my eyes as for a second nothing happened, and then I felt invisible ropes binding around my body, trying to immobilize me as my eyes widened in surprise.

“Emancipare!” I yelped the counterattack of Brachiabindo, the defensive spell Seonghwa had used, and felt the ropes instantly disappear from my body. Seonghwa huffed, running his fingers through his rich curls, looking frustrated as he walked a few steps closer. It wasn’t like him to lose his wits when we were dueling, and so, this was the first sign that told me something was bothering him as he couldn’t completely focus on the task at hand. But this was an exercise, a duel in which we had to demonstrate to the other students, so I pushed my worries aside and cast my next spell, “Fulgari!”

Much like Seonghwa’s spell, it was another one that bid your arms together, however, the ropes weren’t invisible anymore but red and thick, painful, as the charm tied your wrists together tightly. But Seonghwa knew how to counterattack it, and the ropes dropped midair as a white light was cast from his wand. Knowing that we didn’t have much time anymore and that Professor Merrythought was waiting for one of us to disarm the other, I acted quickly, “Expelliarmus!”

However, Seonghwa’s simultaneous attack was silent as it shot from his wand, and our spells clashed in the middle, exploding with a loud boom after they’d tangled up for a few seconds. I gasped as the force pushed me backward, almost making me stumble to the floor. The hem of my robe had caught in the heel of my boots, and as I tried to manage the issue, I felt my mind being prodded at. Not even having to concentrate on the action, my mind instantly blocked the intruder out, my mind’s barriers strong and stubborn, no matter how insistent the intruder became. I knew who it was, in this classroom only Tom Riddle was so talented enough to use Legilimens wandless and non-verbally, but he was least of my worries as Seonghwa’s glare was deep, mouth moving before I could register his words, “Relashio!”

I gasped as my wand was snapped out of my hand, clattering to the floor, making the students roar with claps and cheers, Professor Merrythought not even trying to calm them down as she walked towards Seonghwa and me. I gulped, feeling my cheeks tinge pink at the amateur mistake I had made, the fact even more embarrassing as I was disarmed by such a pathetic spell. But this is what a duel encompassed, and I took a deep breath and released it slowly as I felt Professor Merrythought’s hand on my shoulder, pulling me next to her as she had grabbed onto Seonghwa as well.

“Brilliant!” She exclaimed lips pulled into a huge grin, “Simply brilliant, my students! You will make such fine Aurors, the department will be blessed upon your arrival!”

I muttered a quiet thank you and bowed my head abashed, missing the cold look that crossed Seonghwa’s face upon hearing our professor’s words. Then, when the class had finally settled down, Seonghwa and I were ushered back to our previous spots, Professor Merrythought taking the lead as she started explaining the new spell we’d be learning today. I felt the uncomfortable prodding once again, and a little frustrated, I turned around and snapped at Tom without considering my actions first, “Stop it, Riddle!”

My exclamation thankfully wasn’t too loud, but it made a few heads turn our way. I gulped and averted my eyes flustered as Tom grinned, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “My apologies, but I failed to gain your attention any other way.”

“I am trying to pay attention to the new spell, Riddle,” I muttered as I faced the front of the classroom again, feeling the younger boy step closer as he loomed over my shoulders.

“But you already know it,” He muttered, voice devoid of any emotion and I just sighed, nodding and confirming his claim, “Well, then, let me offer you some friendly advice.”

“The Tom Riddle offering me some friendly advice?” I teased, looking over my shoulder with a chuckle, “So you finally admit that we’re friends?”

“Well,” Tom cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable, “if you think of us as friends, we shall be that, Y/N.”

Tom hadn’t been keen on addressing each other casually in public, but he’s been calling me by my name rather often lately, “And your advice is?”

“Ah, yes,” He cleared his throat again, leaning just a little bit closer to whisper in my ear, “use more non-verbal spells next time and maybe even wandless magic too, Park seems to struggle to defend those. And, try not to lose focus so easily, getting disarmed by Relashio out of all spells is rather embarrassing, Miss Song.”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest, watching Professor Merrythought’s wand as she drew the movement of the spell slowly for us to see, “Thank you for pointing out that Relashio isn’t even a disarming spell.”

It was rare to see any sort of positive reaction from Tom, but he snickered as I felt him take a step back to offer me more space as he was done with the conversation, “Meet me later in the Room of Requirements?”

But apparently, he wasn’t done with the telepathic conversation, “Yes, at the agreed-upon time, I won’t be late this time.”

“You better not be.” Tom’s voice sounded unimpressed in my mind and I rolled my eyes, hoping nobody saw it, “And tell your boyfriend to stop staring daggers at my head, I could disarm and harm him in just a few seconds—”

“Thank you, Tom, that’s enough.” I snapped, never too keen when he tried to bash Seonghwa and his skills—or lack of them as Tom had so often remarked, “And get out of my head, now.”

His chuckle was cut short as I raised the barrier once again, forcing Tom out of my mind. I knew it would be painful to him and I didn’t mind as lately he’s been trying to prod at my mind way too often. But being a born Occlumens came with its perks, no matter how much Tom tried to peek inside my head, he’d only be allowed inside as long as I let him. Having realized that he had some control issues, I didn’t let him know about that little piece of information, for my own peace of mind, really. Feeling like somebody was drilling holes into the side of my head, I looked over to the Ravenclaws, a little taken aback by the dark look in Seonghwa’s eyes and the sneer on his lips. He looked irritated, and as we made eye contact his expression hardened for a second before he looked away, ignoring me for the rest of the class. I had only sighed, paying attention to Professor Merrythought for the rest of the class.

            Once class was over everyone pilled outside quickly, eager for the short break before our next class would start. Wanting to speak to Seonghwa in private, I stayed back with the hopes that he’d do the same, but when Professor Merrythought noticed me and asked if I had wanted to speak to her, I realized it was just her, myself, and Lovegood in the classroom. I bid her farewell and then scurried outside, sighing long as I felt disappointed that Seonghwa had left without me even noticing it. He was mad at me, that was now certain, and we wouldn’t have the possibility to meet until dinner or our Prefect duties as this was the last class we shared today. I held the strap of my satchel bag tightly as I gnawed on my bottom lip, wondering whether I could use an excuse and search for him between my classes, when suddenly a classroom door was thrown open and I was harshly yanked to the left by my arm. I gasped as I stumbled, failing to keep up with the aggressive tugging, my back hitting a wall rather painfully as my heart had started racing, eyes widening as I felt warm lips pressing against mine. It took me a second to register what was happening.

I was face to face with Seonghwa, who had me pinned between himself and the wall, holding the side of my neck firmly with his right hand as his left one gripped my hip, fingers digging into the fabric of my uniform. His eyes were open and glaring at me despite his heated kiss, and it only made me flush more as I felt his tongue force itself between my lips while his fingers sneaked up towards my jaw, tilting my head up as he had to lean down, just slightly, due to our height difference. My heart hammered against my ribcage as the satchel bag fell from my shoulder, landing with a loud thud as I gripped his robe’s collar, the fabric a lot softer than mine. Seonghwa’s tongue lapped at mine fiercely, stealing my breath away as I felt his hand slip from my hip, trace the inside of my thigh as it slowly slipped underneath my knee-length skirt. I gasped and gently pushed him back, breathing hard as his right hand held my nape, fingernails pressing into my frail skin, “Seonghwa—”

“Did you have fun flirting with Riddle right in front of me?” His tone was harsh, voice raspier than usual, and I gulped, his hand slipping higher up underneath my skirt.

“Seonghwa, I wasn’t flirting with him.” My voice trembled as he leaned closer again, lips tracing the skin of my neck, feather-like, making goosebumps erupt all over my skin. My hands released the collar of his robe as they slipped higher up, circling his neck as my fingers got tangled in the wavy strands of his hair, “I’ve told you so many times that I’m not interested in him—”

“Well, you certainly don’t act like it.” I gasped as his sharp teeth sunk into the skin of my neck, making my stomach coil as his other hand stopped at my groin, caressing my flesh through my stockings, “I’m sick of seeing him prance around you like a lost puppy, my love.”

“He’s just a boy.” My eyebrows furrowed as Seonghwa’s head snapped up, a sneer on his face.

“Just a boy?” He scoffed and leaned incredibly close, lips brushing against mine as he spoke, “He’s barely one year younger than us, Y/N.”

Sighing loudly, I pressed a chaste kiss against his lips, seeing his eyes shake for a second, his anger dissipating slightly, “Yet I only see the little boy I guided to the Slytherin common room in his first year in him, my love, he’s nothing but like a brother to me.”

“He has no boundaries.” Seonghwa huffed, jaw clenching and unclenching as I kissed his cheek, right side and then left side, then pulled him slightly lower to kiss his forehead too. Seonghwa’s grip visibly softened, his finger rubbing circles into my hipbone under my skirt.

“I know how to put him in his place if he ever goes too far, which he has never done before.” I muttered reassuringly as I ran my fingers through his hair gently, knowing that he loved the ministration, “Abraxas is touchier than Tom will ever be, yet you make no scene when he’s with me.”

Seonghwa scoffed, gripping my chin as he tilted my head up again, “Because it’s clear he’s not interested in courting you, he’s touchy with everyone.”

I chuckled as I coaxed his lips towards mine, my eyes fluttering closed as Seonghwa’s lips gently, but firmly, pressed against mine, our lips playing a gentle dance as they moved at a calmer pace, following the other’s rhythm as I let Seonghwa take the lead, our lips slotting perfectly against each other. His breath hit my face as he nipped at my bottom lip, enjoying the way my lips chased after his again, capturing his bottom lip between mine as I felt his hand very slowly slip towards my crotch. I keened, pushing him back by the shoulders when he had started rubbing circles against my clothed core, “I need to get to the greenhouse, Hwa, we can’t do this now.”

“You can skip Herbology,” Seonghwa whispered as his lips brushed against my ear, I bit my bottom lip, eyes fluttering closed, “it’s not that important.”

Before I could succumb to the feeling of Seonghwa’s fingers teasing me, I gripped his wrist and pushed his hand away, blinking my eyes open, “I’m not going to skip classes because you want to have sex, Seonghwa. You can wait until tonight.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, round eyes glinting dangerously, “I can?”

“Unless you want to throw another jealous fit over the fact that I’ll be studying with Tom later on.” I mused and pursed my lips as Seonghwa’s expression hardened again. He was so easy to irk, his face hid nothing as I cocked an eyebrow in challenge at him.

“Right,” He muttered, clearing his throat, “You’ll be busy with Riddle this afternoon—”

“I’ll be busy perfecting my Legilimency, yes.” I raised my eyebrows at Seonghwa as he hummed and stepped back, detaching himself fully from me. I licked at my lips and ran my hands through my hair, trying to get rid of any knots that may have formed.

“Find me after you’re done patrolling, then,” Seonghwa adjusted his tie and then patted down his robe, “I won’t be coming to dinner tonight.”

“Something wrong?” I asked with furrowing eyebrows as I leaned down to pick up my satchel bag.

“No, I just need to catch up on some assignments, is all.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I didn’t say anything as he caressed my cheek with his warm hand, “I love you.”

I smiled widely, turning my head lightly to press a kiss against his wrist, “I love you too, Hwa.”

            Despite the sun trying to shine some light on the dire streets of London, the ever-grey clouds were everlasting, casting a gloomy shadow over the streets and the people that ventured outside. Lately, it seemed to be safer to go out and enjoy the much-needed social interactions, but people were still wary of the imminent threat posing over their heads. You just never knew when the enemy would strike, making you look over your shoulder at any given moment. London wasn’t anymore what it used to be, but reconstructions have started and there seemed to be light at the end of the permeating dark tunnel.

My coffee’s steam reached my nose as I forgot of its existence, my eyes having fallen on two children who had their palms out and were timidly asking for money from the passerby people. My heart broke at the sight of such innocent lives having to suffer so much, unwanted scenarios clouding my mind. They could’ve lost their parents, or maybe they still had them, but the war made them homeless and this is was the best they could do. I hated how most people didn’t even cast a glance at the obviously suffering children, their clothes strewn in places, cheeks dirty with dust. They clung to each other, the boy taller by a head as he clutched the younger girl to his side, pulling her back when a postman paid them no mind as he barrelled down with his bicycle on the pavement. But before my anger could get the best of me, the bell to the small coffee shop chimed, and I looked over, heart settling at the familiarity of the man that was approaching my table. He wasn’t a coffee lover, not when we were mere teenagers, so I had ordered tea instead for him.

“Mr. Kim.” I smiled as I abandoned my cup and pushed my chair back, fighting the wide smile that tried to make it onto my lips. Kim Hongjoong and I haven’t been close during our days at Hogwarts, but due to a person that was present in both of our lives, we had the chance to share some fond memories. Hongjoong had always been a free spirit, unafraid to break rules here and there, trying to break free of the chains society placed on all of us. Even now, his hair was brushed back in an uncharacteristic way, the black ends tinged almost blonde. His clothes didn’t match in colour, his pants burgundy and his shirt a rather atrocious colour of yellow, the grey sweater thrown over it saving the outfit somewhat. His green coat was dark, and due to the colour of his pants, it made him look like a Christmas tree.

“Dear,” Hongjoong chuckled, his hug warm and comforting, arms circling my middle tightly, “are we back to being formal with each other now? Has it been that long since we left Hogwarts?”

I chuckled, arms tightening around him subconsciously as my chin pressed against his shoulder, eyes glazing over with sudden tears that took me off guard. I have missed the faces I have become familiar with at Hogwarts, the place where I was still innocent and in love with life, with the prospect of a bright future. A future that was now my present, neither bright nor innocent. I have never had many friends, keen on keeping to myself, and the life of an Auror made it hard to keep up with others. It was better for them; my field of work had no guarantee of me returning alive. And knowing that two of the people I considered my family, Mingi and Yunho, were first in line in harm’s way, made me prolong my hug with Hongjoong. It felt nice to be in a warm embrace for once.

“Four years and three months, more specifically.” I whispered as I reluctantly let go of Hongjoong, who gripped my bicep and gave it a reassuring squeeze before we both claimed our seats at the small round table.

“So, you’ve been counting,” Hongjoong muttered, looking down at his steaming hot tea, “as have I.”

I hummed, feeling a certain sad aura around Hongjoong as he carefully cradled the teacup in his hands, humming to himself as my eyes bore into the side of his head. I was curious of what was running through his mind, but entering it without his consent was a breech of privacy and the break of trust between the two of us. Picking his fragile mind apart would’ve been very easy. Finding what I was looking for would’ve taken only a few seconds and I could be on my merry way in no time, hunting down the man I was tasked to take out, but I was yearning for just a second of normalcy, for a second that could take me back to the past where I was happy, unafraid, in love.

“How is the Auror life, dear?” I smiled at the nickname, Hongjoong being the only person who’s ever addressed me so affectionately—besides my former lover, Seonghwa.

“Dangerous,” I sighed, raising my cup of coffee to take a small sip, “exhausting, and time consuming.”

“I’ve had to treat many Aurors since I’ve started working at St. Mungo’s, and each time I pray I do not come across you, dear.” Hongjoong’s expression was solemn, as if he was trying to repress memories that weren’t kind nor pleasant, “But you seem to be in great health, so I shall not worry so much anymore.”

I chuckled and placed the cup down, fingertips tracing the porcelain in order to keep my hands busy with something, “I’m rather agile, one of the best they have. But sometimes even I worry for my own safety, thank you for thinking of me so often, Hongjoongie.”

He smiled, reaching out to grab my wrist, “Sometimes I feel bad for the way things have ended between us—between the three of us, I mean.”

I gulped, the topic of Seonghwa inevitable anymore. But still, I tried to stall it for a little bit longer, trying to enjoy Hongjoong’s company for a little bit more before the real reason I was here would ruin our nostalgic reunion.

“Don’t fret on the past, Hongjoong, what’s lost is lost.” I gripped his hand with my right one, patting it gently, “How are the other nurses treating you at St. Mungo’s? I’ve heard there’s not many wizards working there.”

“The witches seem to love me,” Hongjoong chuckled, suddenly his cheeks red, “they praise me a lot and always fight on who gets to work with me. I’m treated nicely and they’ve accepted me rather quickly despite being a wizard.”

I gulped, knowing the tumultuous history of the Kim family, “And your parents?”

Hongjoong froze, eyebrows furrowing as he averted his eyes, “My mother is speaking to me again. My father…we know how he feels about me.”

“You’ve always done just fine without them,” I encouraged him, watching curiously as he grabbed my hand and flipped my palm upside down, “and if you need a friendly advice or just an evening spent drinking wine and reminiscing, you know were to find me, Hongjoongie.”

He chuckled, forefinger gingerly tracing the inside of my palm, making me shiver. It’s been long since someone had treated me so tenderly, ever since Yunho and Mingi have been sent onto their mission actually, “Have you cut yourself here?”

“Yes.” I answered surprised, “How did you know?”

“The skin is rougher here,” Hongjoong pressed his finger a little harder against where the cut was healed up, not even a trace of a scar, “Stop by St. Mungo’s when you have a little free time, I have the perfect potion to fix your skin. I’ve got quite the tricks up my sleeve now.”

As our eyes met, a beat of silence passed, then we both burst out in quiet giggles, pressing our hands against our mouths. Memories of all the failed potions made by Hongjoong resurfaced, most of those times Seonghwa or me being his test subjects. There were too few fingers on my hands to count the number of times Seonghwa, Hongjoong, and I had ended up in the Infirmary, on the brink of dying from dangerous toxins found in Hongjoong’s brews. And yet, we continued indulging in his shenanigans as he was too endearing to say ‘no’ to.

“I suppose you’ve stopped poisoning people now, right?” I raised an eyebrow, tone joking as Hongjoong bit his lower lip, cheeks flushing once again.

“No more failed experiments or potions that would send Slughorn up the wall if he were to know about them.” And once again, we started giggling behind our palms as Hongjoong seemed to finally loosen up, making me feel bad that I would soon deter the conversation to a delicate topic. But I didn’t have much time, I had to move fast if I wanted to catch Seonghwa when he least expected it.

“I suppose you meet all sorts of people at the hospital…” I trailed off as I grabbed my cup of coffee yet again and took a long sip, Hongjoong’s lips pursing as he traced the wooden design of the table.

“Yes, quite the personalities.” He mused, eyebrows raised slightly in question as I swallowed the coffee, biting my lower lip in hesitance.

“As a nurse your allegiances do not matter, you must save everyone—”

“That is correct.” Hongjoong’s tone had turned colder, his face losing its warm glow, a mask of indifference now replacing it. I sighed knowing that Hongjoong had probably caught on to where our conversation was headed now.

“I know you still keep in touch with Park Seonghwa.” I lowered my voice so nobody would hear us. Everyone knew who Grindelwald’s men were, I didn’t want to risk the chance of anyone overhearing our conversation, even if the coffee shop was only frequented by muggles. I chose this place for this specific reason, few wizards and witches ventured out into the heart of London, not keen of the life muggles lived here.

Hongjoong had frozen, jaw clenching as his cat-like eyes narrowed at me, “What does that have to do with me being a nurse at St. Mungo’s? Are you accusing me of something, Miss Song?”

I sighed, but I knew the jabbing was inevitable. Hongjoong had been very protective of Seonghwa even before our years at Hogwarts, “I am not accusing you of anything, I was just merely curious on who’s side you stand—”

“I stand on nobody’s side.” Hongjoong snapped, pushing his teacup far away from himself, glaring at it suspiciously. He must be wondering whether I had slipped Veritaserum in it, but I would never do that to him, “I stand on the side of the victims I must save, on the side of justice, and on the side that doesn’t harm but protects instead. Do you fathom there’s a side like that? One that does not harm, but only protects?”

“No.” I whispered, averting my eyes from Hongjoong’s intense gaze, visibly irritated, “We’re trying to do our best, I promise, but I cannot guarantee that innocent folk won’t be harmed in the process of stopping Grindelwald.”

“You’re just doing your job,” Hongjoong’s tone softened, “and so am I, and so is Seonghwa—”

“Seonghwa is killing innocent wizards and witches for a cause that is irrational, for a cause that aims to harm muggles that aren’t at fault for being the way that they are. This isn’t a job!” Hongjoong’s eyes widened as my voice gradually raised, never the type to lose my cool. My heart had started racing and I felt anxiety creeping up my chest, through my throat, making me chew on the inside of my cheeks. I scrapped at my hand, averting my eyes as Hongjoong’s stare became too much, making me feel like he was judging me. Maybe I have misjudged his character, maybe he is on Seonghwa’s side, after all.

“Y/N,” But his voice was soft and I felt his hand grip mine, gently stopping me from scratching my skin until it was raw and red, “I know how hard it was when you found out about Seonghwa’s ambitions and beliefs, and I know you still feel guilty and think you played a part in him becoming like this. But as someone who’s known him since he was a little boy, Seonghwa’s always dreamed of doing big things, of changing our world into the better. You couldn’t have stopped him even if you had known of his plans since early on—”

“Then help me.” I felt choked up as I looked at Hongjoong swiftly, eyes shaking as I gripped his hand. His eyebrows were furrowed and he gulped as my eyes glossed over, his words ringing through my ears. He was right, I have always felt guilty for not noticing the blatant signs of Seonghwa’s true beliefs. He’s never been kind to muggles at Hogwarts, he’s always made snide remarks about them, and he’s mentioned joining a cause one day that purified our Wizarding World. I thought he was simply aspiring to join the Ministry, like many others wanted. Instead, he decided to join the cause of a man who thought wizards were superior to muggles and wished to subdue them, and force them to live in fear for the rest of their lives, “I need to talk to Seonghwa, please tell me where he is. Hongjoongie, you’ll be helping a greater cause than yourself and even myself. I must find him and—”

“You’re an Auror, Y/N.” He cut me off sharply, yanking his hand out of my grip as he shook his head feverishly, “If you find him, then what? Will you interrogate him and lock him up in Azkaban for a few months until he gives in and admits to his mistakes? We both know that’s the last thing Seonghwa will do if he’s ever captured. You’ll kill him—”

“I won’t—”

“You’ll kill him, and I cannot set up my best friend for his death.” He snapped angrily, cheeks red as his eyes were tear-filled, “I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you sought me out for such a feat. You should be ashamed of yourself, Miss Song, for even thinking that I would help you out with such an atrocious thing. I love Seonghwa more than anyone, you have deeply wounded me, Miss Song, I have expected more of you.”

“Hongjoong—” Heart breaking as he swiftly stood and left with a last piercing look, I slumped back in my chair and tried not to let the sob break through my lips, cheeks damp from the tears that fell down them. Yes, I have been a fool for seeking out Hongjoong, I knew he’d never give away Seonghwa’s location, but he was my first and last option in trying to find Seonghwa in a way that I could negotiate with him, try to deter him from his cause, save him from a harsh sentence. And I have failed, and now I’ll have to kill the man that I have never stopped loving.

Having lost my appetite for anything, I stood hastily and wore my dark coat, pulling on my gloves to protect my hands from the freezing air. I gathered my purse and clutched it tightly in my hands, storming out of the coffee shop as I felt around for my bonnet inside the purse. The heart of the city was buzzing with people as the hour was nearing noon, the loudness of it all irritating my ears as I tried to walk between the people to the closest Portkey leading to the Wizarding World. But just as I was about to cross the road, I felt a hesitant tug on my coat. Alarmed and ready to defend myself, I whirled around and searched for whoever had touched me, only to find the siblings looking up at me with pleading eyes. Tapping the tears off my cheeks quickly, I opened my purse and crouched down as I fetched the pastries I have bought earlier for breakfast.

“Have this,” I handed them to the little girl, who had a runny nose and whispered a ‘thank you’. I pushed around in search for the little muggle money I still had, and once I found it, I gave it to the boy who looked beyond grateful and even bowed his head in gratitude. Feeling helpless that I couldn’t do more for them, I grabbed the bonnet that I knew I wouldn’t wear again, and placed it onto the little girl’s head. It was big and it fell in her eyes, but she grinned as her brother tried to adjust it for her, making my heart swell, “Take care of each other.”

The two nodded with eyes glistening, and I gulped down the lump that’s formed in my throat and stood tall once again, hurrying away before I felt the overbearing need to break down in the middle of a muggle filled street. I would finish this mission even if I lost my life in the process of it, it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter because innocent children and innocent common folk were the one suffering the consequences of these tyrants that ruled over our worlds.

20th of December, 1943

             Slughorn’s Christmas parties were catalogued somewhat legendary and, thus, have always been talked about in the hallways of Hogwarts. Those who were invited mentioned it in excited exclamations and those who weren’t in whispers with envious tones. I had been part of the lucky few who got invited, being part of Slughorn’s Slug Club for a good two years now, and I couldn’t have been happier. These parties were perfect for mingling with socialites and people of importance in the Ministry and other fields that piqued your interest. I had been lucky enough to meet a few well-known Aurors tonight, but my utmost luck struck when, despite his drunken state, Professor Slughorn pulled me aside to introduce me Theseus Scamander, the Head of the Auror Office. The professor had rambled on about my abilities and how talented and knowledgeable I was in the Dark Arts, painting me as a very talented duellist to Mr. Scamander. He had been eager to listen to his former professor, giving me knowing glances and a dashing smile. I couldn’t help but blush a little, the Fire Whiskey I had—secretly—drunk with Abraxas getting the best of me. Unable to hide his amused smile anymore, Theseus had excused us with the pretext that we’d head over to the delicious candy bar and serve ourselves with chocolate frogs, to which our professor couldn’t object as, he, himself loved it.

“He’s quite the talker, isn’t he?” Theseus laughed as he gently guided me through the crowd of students and outsiders, his hand holding my gloved elbow. My dress was modest, adorning the emerald green of my house that I wore proudly. The neckline was a sweetheart design, sleeveless, and the upper part of the dress was moulded tightly against my body, a silvery fabric creating the illusion of a belt around my waist. From the waist, it flowed down to my ankles in a simple A-line, highlighting my long legs. I had a thin, sheer, shawl around my shoulders—but I have abandoned that at the dinner table as it had started annoying me—and instead wore my silvery satin gloves that reached just above my elbows.

“He certainly let’s go of himself when alcohol is involved.” I said quietly, earning a chuckle from Theseus as we reached the candy bar. It was hard to choose just one delicacy as the table was littered with at least fifteen types of desserts, and I watched as Theseus grabbed a plate rather eagerly.

“I couldn’t wait for the annual Christmas party back when I was a student here,” Theseus said as he started placing different delicacies on his plate, “the dessert was the best part of the night—apart from the Fire Whiskey.”

He glanced at me briefly and winked cheekily, making me chuckle as I averted my eyes with a shy blush on my cheeks. He chose a rose shaped tart that was filled with marzipan, and it reminded me of Seonghwa as it was his favourite dessert. Wondering where he was—since he had disappeared around half an hour ago—I searched the crowd while Theseus was busy filling his plate.

“Is it you who wants to be an Auror, or are your professors pushing you towards this job?” Theseus’ question earned my attention as I looked back at him, unsuccessful in my mission of finding Seonghwa.

“It is me.” I answered with a smile, fiddling with my fingers nervously, “I hate injustice, and I hate seeing our world get torn apart as Grindelwald is trying to ruin us. I want to help in stopping him, I want to be a figure that others can entrust their lives to. I want to protect the innocent, and I am not scared to sacrifice myself for others. And when he’ll finally be stopped, I will continue dedicating my life to help the right cause.”

Theseus hummed, his eyes softening as they quickly took in my form, a pleased look crossing his features, “You sound quite determined, and you look tough too. I have spoken to Professor Merrythought about any student she deemed fit for the role of an Auror, and I am positive she talked about you for almost an hour, Miss Song.”

I gulped, feeling warmth spread through my chest in happiness that I had been praised so extensively by my professor to a very important and prominent person in the Ministry, “I’ve still got two years until I graduate, but I hope to join you as soon as possible.”

“I cannot wait for that day to come, Miss Song.” Theseus grinned, grabbing the rose dessert, “I can already tell you’ll be great; you sort of remind me of myself, actually.”

“I do?” I asked with a surprised tone, feeling my smile get even bigger.

“Indeed.” Theseus hummed and then took a bite of the rose as I tried to contain my glee, my mouth hurting from smiling so widely. Suddenly, there was a presence next to me, and I felt a hand gently grip my shoulder, the hold familiar but rather cold. I turned my head and was met with Tom’s piercing-blue cold eyes looking down at me impassively.

“Mr. Scamander.” He greeted the Auror with a tight smile on his lips.

“Mr. Riddle.” Theseus was in the middle of chewing his dessert, but he quickly forced it down his throat and shook Tom’s hand.

“Do you mind if I steal Miss Song for a dance?” Tom’s voice was suddenly light, dripping with sweetness as his face morphed into a warm smile, “Have I interrupted an important conversation?”

“I have said what I wanted to Miss Song, if she wishes so, you can steal her for a dance.” Theseus winked, our gazes meeting as suddenly his thoughts flooded my mind. For a powerful Auror like him, it took me off guard to find his mind so defenceless. Perhaps he didn’t see a reason to guard his thoughts in the confines of Hogwarts, and before I could correct him that there was nothing between Tom and myself—as Theseus’ thoughts claimed—I was already whirled around and guided towards the crowded dance floor. The orchestra played a nice tune, slow but not to the point all you could do was step left and right. Tom placed his hand on the middle of my back as he held my hand in his other one, a respectable distance between our bodies as he started leading.

“Any reason you wanted to dance with me?” I asked with narrowed eyes, knowing for a fact that Tom never danced. He hated dancing or standing as close to somebody as we were stood right now.

“Hmm,” He hummed, his tone low and his voice pleasant to the ears as he spoke up again, “you looked like you needed a little saving.”

“Speaking to Mr. Scamander was pleasant,” I shrugged, holding onto Tom’s shoulder tighter as we narrowly avoided a drunken couple, “You could’ve tried to save me when I was talking to Professor Slughorn and the spouses that work at St. Mungo’s, instead. They are weird.”

“They are peculiar people, indeed.” Tom muttered, eyes falling on my face, “But they are incredibly smart and good assets to a team.”

“What team?” I asked confused, eyebrows furrowing. Tom was leading us out of the crowded dance floor, thankfully, more towards the side where we’d have more space and wouldn’t have to avoid every second drunken couple. A platinum blonde hair popped up in the crowd not far from us, and I stifled a laugh as Abraxas tried not to topple over as he was led towards the exit by his date.

“Well,” Tom started, eyebrows lightly furrowing as he mused over his words, like he didn’t know how to formulate his next words. That was unexpected from Tom as he was a good speaker, and an intelligent person, “let’s put it this way. You build an army of people that are magically gifted, but smart too, and you lead them to victory.”

“Why would you need this army?” I asked as I grew even more confused, “Are you talking about Grindelwald?”

“We can take him as an example, yes.” Tom chuckled, a smirk pulling at his lips as our eyes bore into each other’s, making me wonder for a split second if he was hiding something from me, “The people he has on his side aren’t just strong and powerful wizards and witches who excel at magic, they are also intelligent and strategize with him, leading him towards victory—”

“You think Grindelwald will prosper in this war?” I asked, feeling myself irked at such vile thoughts. Grindelwald wouldn’t win, I would become an Auror just to make sure of it.

“No, of course not.” Tom whispered, an easy smile adorning his lips and I felt his fingers gently rub against my knuckles. I sighed and looked away, surveying the crowd in hopes that I would finally find my lover. I missed him, I wanted to be by his side and dance with him, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Of course.” I chuckled, but my eyes were still searching the crowd as Tom cleared his throat, turning us around so that I was facing the exit now. My eyes stopped on the familiar form of my lover, and my eyebrows furrowed in wonder as I realized Seonghwa was speaking to Rabastan Lestrange and his parents, “Are you?”

“I hate these events, actually, even the Slug Club, but if I wish to remain in the graces of our daft professor, I must—”

“I am really sorry for cutting you off like this, Tom.” I released my hold on Tom and took a step back, eyes hastily falling back on the Slytherin boy, “But I’ve finally found my lover, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Right,” Tom’s expression faltered, then returned to being cold as he nodded towards Seonghwa, “I’ll see you around. But, Y/N, did you know Park and Lestrange have been acquittances for quite a while now?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I bit my lower lip, wondering if Seonghwa had ever mention Lestrange to me, “Of course, there are no secrets between Seonghwa and I.”

I felt the slight prodding at my mind, but Tom got nowhere near my thoughts as I have carefully guarded them all night. I bowed my head slightly before I walked away from the dance floor, nearing my lover and the Lestrange family with a soft smile on my lips. Rabastan was the first one to notice me, and he loudly cleared his throat, eyes jumping between Seonghwa and my approaching form. Seonghwa stiffened and I tried to mask my confusion as I stood next to my lover, “Good evening.”

“Good evening, Miss…?” Rabastan’s father was a gruff man, scary-looking, and rather unfriendly as his voice was harsh.

“Song, Song Y/N.” I answered and offered him my hand before I greeted his wife, who looked stoic and glared at me viciously. But I remained unphased as I continued smiling.

“Song,” She muttered, eyes narrowing as she shared a glance with her husband, “your parents are quite prominent figures in the Ministry, aren’t they?”

“Yes.” I answered, not keen of talking about my parents. It was always about them, never about me. They’ve made their own reputation already, I wanted to make one for myself.

“Y/N is just as brilliant as her parents, if not more.” Seonghwa mused with a warm tone, lips pulled into a dashing smile as I felt his arm sneak around my middle and gently pull me into his side. My muscles softened as his familiar warmth and cologne embraced my being, making me look up at him with a small grin. Rabastan’s parents exchanged a glance as their son cleared his throat again, looking rather awkward.

“And you make a pair, I assume.” Rabastan’s father quirked an eyebrow, not looking very impressed by the prospect. Before I could answer, Seonghwa hummed lowly and I felt his fingers flex against my hips in a quiet request to remain silent. I bit my bottom lip, but adhered to his request.

“Yes, Miss Song and I had been quite the academic rivals, but I suppose in our fifth year we found common ground and discovered together we are more powerful, our knowledge forever expanding.” Seonghwa’s answer made my eyebrows furrow as I turned my head to look at him with a questioning gaze, but he continued looking at the Lestranges, who seemed pleased with his answer.

“Well, yes, she is a Slytherin like our son,” Rabastan’s mother said with a chuckle that was filled with vice, “but she might take after her parents, after all.”

Fed up with the cryptic conversation, I chuckled and flashed the Rabastans an apologetic smile before I cradled Seonghwa’s cheek in my hand and turned his head to face me, “May we dance? You’ve neglected me the whole night, my love.”

“My apologies,” Seonghwa hummed and kissed my wrist as I let my hand fall from his face, the two of us looking back at the Lestranges, “It was a pleasure talking to you and meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Lestrange, I shall see you around—hopefully.”

They nodded wordlessly as Rabastan bid us farewell, and I intertwined my fingers with Seonghwa’s as I led us back to the dance floor, the crowd a little more dispersed now than it has been when I was dancing with Tom. The orchestra now had started playing slow tunes, all the dancing couples swaying gently to the music. I sighed as I felt Seonghwa’s arms slip around my hips to pull me close in, my arms circling his shoulders as our bodies flushed together, my nerves and muscles easing at the familiar press of his body against mine. Seonghwa’s round eyes had a warm glow in them, his cherry-like lips pulled into a soft smile. I chuckled and fought the muscles in my body yearning to press a kiss against his lips, and instead let my eyes travel down to the early Christmas gift I had given him earlier this morning. Seonghwa and I would be going home tomorrow, meaning that we wouldn’t spend the holidays together like last year, when Hongjoong, his best friend, decided to stay at Hogwarts due to his horrible parents and Seonghwa and I decided to stay too, to keep him company. It was one of the best Christmases I have ever had.

My gift was something small, a thin silver chain necklace with a small star pendant hanging on it, representing the way I viewed Seonghwa. He was bright and beautiful, always glimmering in the darkness and guiding me through my hardships, helping me sparkle as bright as him. He was an inspiration and so easily lovable that sometimes I felt like I fell for him over and over again each day.

“I had no idea you knew Rabastan Lestrange?” I raised an eyebrow as Seonghwa sighed, our moves smooth as he twirled us around.

“Barely.” He muttered, dipping his head low, his breath fanning my face, “Did Professor Slughorn introduce you to Theseus Scamander? I saw you talking to him.”

“He did!” I beamed, Seonghwa’s eyes creasing as he smiled back at me, “I am so happy I met him tonight, he said he cannot wait for me to join the Auror’s Office.”

“Is that so?” Seonghwa hummed, making my eyebrows furrow in confusion. He didn’t look too eager, but he chuckled upon seeing my reaction, it didn’t sound amused, “With how eager Riddle was to whisk you away for a dance, I figured you couldn’t talk much to Mr. Scamander.”

“Seonghwa,” I sighed, interlacing my fingers around his neck as I tilted my head back, “can we not do this here? Can we just not talk about Tom for one second?”

“How can I not talk about Riddle when he’s openly trying to court my partner—”

“Seonghwa.” I snapped quietly as I didn’t want anyone to overhear our useless argument, “Tom hates every female that breaths around him withing a meter radius, can you please for the love of Merlin stop this nonsense?!”

“I cannot.” He hissed, eyes narrowing as our steps faltered, “You fail to see the issue at hand, Y/N, he hates every female but you. And I cannot stand that—”

“Why are you so jealous when I have never given you a reason to be?” I cut him off, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

“Because you’re mine and I cannot fathom losing you, I just—”

“Park Seonghwa.” I sighed, cupping his cheeks as I shook my head at him, “You are the love of my life, I have never loved anyone before you and I will never love anyone else but you. I don’t want anyone else that isn’t you, and I will never do. You are my star and the reason I live for, and I trust you with my whole being and have given all of myself to you. Sometimes—I just wish you trusted me as much as I trust you. When you act like this, you make me feel guilty and bad, like I don’t deserve your love and you.”

Seonghwa’s bottom lip was between his teeth and he released a long sigh as his hands sneaked back to grip my hips, “Only Merlin know how much I love you, Y/N, how much faith I have in you, and just how much I trust you. It’s this irrational fear that I will lose you if I make a wrong move that makes me act like this. I don’t even care about Riddle—or anyone else—if I have one fear, it’s that of losing the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I might be your star, but a star cannot shine without darkness. I need you, promise me you’ll stay by my side no matter what.”

“I promise to forever stay by your side, Hwa.”

            Hongjoong was a good friend to Seonghwa, righteous, and ferociously protective. But even Hongjoong could tell apart right from wrong, unlike Seonghwa. And when I had gotten home after meeting him at the coffee shop, in the haste of searching for my yellow bottle of pills as my hands had started trembling once again, I found a small rolled up paper nestled between the white tablets. Eager to swallow the sedatives, I held the paper carefully, and after downing two tablets, I unrolled the paper, eyebrows furrowing when I realized it was an address to a fancy place in high-end London, where socialites mingled to their hearts wishes—both muggles, wizards, and witches alike. Hongjoong would never help me in taking down his best friend, but he also knew I was offering his best friend the easy way out this time. I would let him flee if he promises to never show himself around Grindelwald—I would do that because it’s Seonghwa. Because I cannot imagine a life without him even if he’s not by my side, just the thought of knowing he’s out there breathing and living keeps me going.

The casino Hongjoong had given me the address of was fancy and elite, only those who had an invite could enter. But I had connections, getting in was the easiest part. And perhaps, feeling nostalgic after having seen Hongjoong, I yearned to see more familiar faces that reminded me of my innocent childhood, familiar faces that could help me forget that I haven’t heard from Mingi and Yunho in a week. They were alive, that much we knew, but we had no idea if they had been discovered or injured, or if they have gone low-key in order to have even fewer chances of compromising their mission. Nonetheless, when I sent an owl to an old-time friend, I did not expect to receive an answer this eager, at least not from this particular person. Having taken my time to tidy up and make myself presentable, I slipped my bottle of pills inside my purse, knowing that there were great chances I would be seeing Seonghwa tonight—that was the whole point of me going to the casino. I was restless all day long and I had probably already taken too many of them, but the tremors of my hands never once stopped, and I could feel my heart race all day long. It was unsettling, but I knew there was nothing more I could do about it but slip the bottle in my purse and pray to Merlin for a successful mission. If I managed to get Seonghwa on my side tonight, much would change—the war would change.

There was a light smog in the air of London as I neared the casino, the evening breeze pleasant for once as the cobblestones were slippery from the previous rain. There was a light drizzle in the air still, but the invisible shield I had casted around myself to protect me from it was doing its job fairly well to keep me dry. My fur coat kept me warm as the nature of my dress was more daring tonight, attention grabbing on purpose. As I neared the entrance of the casino, lit up brightly and bustling with ladies and gentlemen that had bright smiles on their faces, I noticed a tall figure looming to the side in the darker corner of the street. Heartbeat halting, I hurried my steps as I clutched the invitation tighter in my hands, eager to see the man’s face from up-close. It’s been a few years since we’ve seen each other, I didn’t think he’d actually join me tonight. I knew he had his own ambitions, what those were exactly, I couldn’t tell. He’s always been secretive, but he’s made quite the reputation for himself after finishing Hogwarts. He was a young promising man, eager to chase after his desires.

“Miss Song!” His voice had gotten deeper over the years, but remained as velvety as always. My lips pulled into a smile as I was finally close enough to see his face clearly, and I was taken aback by the obvious changes the years have brought to his once youthful face. His eyes were still as bright and blue, perhaps even icier than they used to be, but his cheekbones had become hollower, skin ashier. He looked good, but he looked ghastly.

“Mr. Riddle.” I came to a stop in front of him with a big smile on my face, and was taken aback by the arms that have wrapped around me in a hug. Tom had always hated physical contact, I wondered if the passing of years had changed that, “You’ve changed. A lot.”

“Hopefully in a good way.” He chuckled as he released me, smirking dashingly at me. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat. I chuckled and shook my head, taking in his even taller, but lanky, form.

“I suppose yes,” I hummed, realizing that there were no traces of the young boy I have once viewed as perhaps my little brother, “You’ve grown taller, I didn’t think that was possible.”

Tom and I chuckled at the same time as he reached out again, squeezing my lower arm, “And you look stronger than ever.”

I hummed and tried to hide the way my tremors only worsened at his words, wanting to tell him that I was on the brink of falling apart every day. I wasn’t strong, I was far from being strong, I just refused to give in to the darkness until I have fulfilled my purpose, then I could finally let go. Give in to whatever madness threatened to pull my thoughts to an everlasting field of blackness, the stars absent from the night sky. Stars that have long abandoned me, left me alone to fend for myself, to figure things out without a guiding light.

“Let’s head inside, I’m beginning to feel cold.” I muttered as Tom hummed, offering his arm for me to take as he confidently waltzed us towards the entrance, the bouncer smiling at us pleasantly as I handed over our invitation. It seems that he already knew Tom, who, it turns out, frequents this casino rather often. The question was on the tip of my tongue, whether he sees Seonghwa here often or not, but I didn’t want to know. It was better not to know. I couldn’t start questioning Tom’s morality right now, I had to stay focused on the task at hand, which was finding Seonghwa and trying to coerce him onto my side.

            The place was buzzing with all sorts of people, all seemingly eager to socialize and make lasting connections. The interior of the casino was vast and covered in red and black décor, giving it a sultry but eloquent touch. We had barely walked in when our coats and purses were taken to a garderobe for safe keeping. And before Tom could explain much about the place and the type of events that were held here, we were swarmed by quite a few wizards and witches, all very keen of talking to Tom, of holding his attention for more than five minutes. It seems like that hasn’t changed since Hogwarts.

I remained by his side and smiled, only spoke up when I was addressed to as I was too busy searching the room—the crowd—for the familiar face that I was here in the first place. I had opted to wear a long-sleeved dress as it was still cold outside, the velvet fabric feeling soft against my skin, keeping me perhaps too warm inside the parched room. The neckline of it was a deeper cut, just shy of stopping at the swell of my breasts, and I had decorated my long neck with emeralds that glinted prettily under the light. The dress was long, I had to be careful not to step on it with the heel of my high heels, and it was a poison green, tricky as under the light it glimmered green, however, otherwise it appeared black. I had pulled my hair away from my face and curled the strands, letting them fall free against my back as simple emerald earrings decorated my ears.

I was itching to hold onto something as I tried not to fidget with my hands, preferably to feel the comforting weight of the bottle of pills, but as they were hidden away in my purse, the only reassurance that I wasn’t completely defenceless lay hidden under my long dress, strapped against my shin was my wand. Over the years, I have learned to excel in wandless magic completely, but just knowing that I had my wand on me helped ease my nervous heartbeat. My eyes never stopped surveying the crowd, waiting to spot those round eyes and cherry-red lips.

“Aren’t you the Songs’ daughter, my dear?” I felt a lady gently touch my arm in order to grab my attention, and I averted my eyes from the back of a man who seemed to have a form similar to Seonghwa’s.

“I am.” I answered the older lady with a pleasant smile, trying to seem cordial despite my nerves.

“Oh, you are gorgeous.” She whispered, fingering the velvet sleeve of my dress, lips pursed, “You were a Slytherin, yes?”

“Yes.” I hummed, glancing side ways at Tom, wondering whether he could save me from this stranger, but he was busy speaking to who seemed to be the lady’s husband, “Does that matter?”

“Well, Slytherins are highly regarded in our society, we are prestige, you know?” The old lady smirked, and I gently pulled my hands behind my back, feeling uncomfortable that she wouldn’t stop touching my dress.

“I wouldn’t call ourselves prestige when most from our house turn towards the usage of the Dark Arts in inconvenient and illegal ways.” I grumbled, trying to hide my distaste as the older lady chuckled, eyes narrowing at me.

“So, you seem to share your parents’ beliefs, after all.” I heaved a long sigh, looking at the lady with a pressing glare. It was always about my parents, about sharing their beliefs. I was fed up with hearing that over and over again. What did people expect of me? To follow the ‘path’ of other Slytherins and join dark causes? Why did everyone have prejudices of us? And most of all, why did everyone assume all Slytherins were evil and would turn against what was right to do?

“My parents are mighty people and proud of their legacy.” My voice was harsh as I squared my shoulders back, the older lady’s eyes slightly widened, “My mother was a Hufflepuff and she raised me with compassion and fierce love that taught me how to differentiate wrong from right. My father was a Ravenclaw that is beyond wise his years and values knowledge above anything else, he taught me that there is no reason to live if you don’t learn constantly, if you don’t find a passion that you excel in. Excuse me if I find no joy in slaying those innocents around me, if I don’t enjoy tea parties organized to discuss who would and who wouldn’t live another day. You, and everyone else, should know basic human decency and stop playing the Gods you’ll never be. I am Slytherin proud of my heritage, and Merlin be damned if I let another one look down on me because of my parents, who have achieved things far beyond your capability in this fragile life that we live. So, if you happen to have a problem with me, or the fact that I am a Song, please, speak to be bluntly and not in riddles.”

The older lady’s mouth hung open in shock, and we have earned the attention of Tom and the man he was talking to, the two looking just as taken aback as the lady. Well, Tom didn’t look that much surprised, his frown told me of his distaste towards my words, and the swift glare sent my way signalled to me to shut up. But I didn’t want to, my nerves were on a high and if one more person mentions my parents and the fact that I am the ‘Songs’ daughter’, I shall repeat my speech proud and loud for the whole room to hear. It wasn’t hard to guess that it was infested with Grindelwald’s people, and my stomach churned as I felt Tom’s fingers sneak around my wrist, holding it so firmly I almost winced in pain.

“She’s opiniated.” Is what the old man said at last, eyes narrowed as he pulled his wife closer into his side, “Is this who you’ve looked up to at Hogwarts? The woman you’ve mentioned before?”

My breath stilled as I looked at Tom confused, feeling suddenly uncomfortable as I tried to untangle his fingers from my wrist but he wasn’t letting go. Was Seonghwa right all along? Was Tom trying to veer me away from Seonghwa while we were at Hogwarts? Had I been actually blind to Tom’s advances? But that mustn’t have been possible, I’ve heard Tom say multiple times that he wasn’t capable of feeling love for anyone, nor was he interested in maintaining any relationships, not even friendships.

“I apologize for her harsh words,” Tom bowed his head humbly, making my eyebrows furrow, “in her field of work she must be blunt and unfiltered, sometimes that slips into her everyday life too.”

I grit my teeth, but remained silent as the older man chuckled, eyes twinkling as he took me in. My face was a mask of impassiveness despite the urge to jinx both him and his wife. Deciding that I didn’t want to partake in this wretched conversation anymore, I turned my head and allowed my eyes to survey the crowd again. I heard Tom’s voice, but I paid no mind to what words were said. I knew the older couple walked away with a laugh on their lips, and I felt Tom’s eyes piercing the side of my head, but I was frozen. My tremors returned in the worst way, making my arms tremble as I tried to gulp but my throat felt dry, eyes glassing over the longer I looked at the familiar, yet so foreign face of my once lover. He was far from us, in the heart of the crowd as he tipped his head back, lips pulled into a charming smile as he laughed. The sound was swallowed by the cacophony created by the conversing people and the playing orchestra, yet I could hear its warm timbre as if he were right next to me.

He had also changed, became less boyish looking and turned sharper in angles he didn’t have before. His jaw was sharp and his nose tall, his round eyes void of the softness I was so used to receiving from him. His cheekbones were more defined than before, his cheeks having lost the baby fat I so loved pinching, and his black hair was longer than I have ever seen it before, framing his face, falling onto his forehead as his bangs were styled carefully. Gone were his wild curls that he always struggled to keep in one place. Park Seonghwa has changed since the last time I’ve seen him, and I was afraid I couldn’t recognize him anymore. Had Grindelwald stolen away even the last remnants of my lover?

“I can’t breathe.” I croaked out as I held onto my middle, my muscles so tense I was in pain as I tried not to double over and empty the contents of my stomach. I needed my pills, I had to take them before I would cause a scene. Suddenly, as Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed and his eyes turned sharp, vigilante, and found mine, Tom obscured my view of him, eyebrows furrowed in concern, yet I couldn’t actually see the concern in his eyes, or on his face.

“Let’s head over to the bar,” He said quietly, grabbing my hand and stopping the absent-minded scratching I had started doing, “water will do you good.”

I hummed, unable to will my legs to move, and felt thankful when Tom gently coerced me towards the bar, nestling my arm in his as he pulled me into his side, his cologne foreign. There was nothing comforting about his presence, unlike how Hongjoong’s had been, and I struggled to regulate my breathing and frantic heartbeats, telling myself that I was here on a mission and that I had to place aside any feelings I felt towards Seonghwa. I couldn’t compromise my mission this way, I was here to offer Seonghwa a way out. If I wasn’t able to keep it together for just one night, then why was I even here?

Too wrapped up in my mind, I didn’t hear Tom speak to the bartender, nor did I see the glass of water that was placed in front of me until Tom poked my trembling hands and pushed the glass towards me. I quickly took it and gulped down the cool water in a few sips, thankful that the ache in my throat was finally soothed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I placed the glass back onto the surface of the bar, willing my muscles to loosen up as I licked my lips, Tom’s pressing stare becoming irritating. I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes, glancing over to Tom, voice raspy as I spoke up, “Thank you.”

“I’m here for you.” Tom muttered, grabbing my hand and making the hairs stand on my arms as I didn’t want to be touched. But I said nothing as I gulped and nodded once, focusing on my trembling hands as I knew Tom had noticed them, his eyes straying towards them. If only I could fetch my purse to take just one pill, it would help a lot right now. I sighed and had started pulling my hand away from Tom’s just as a person appeared right next to Tom, lean body leaning against the bar as his eyes were cold, narrow, and piercing.

“Good evening.” He spoke up upon making eye contact with me, and I forgot how to breathe all over again, “Miss Song, Mr. Riddle.”

“Mr. Park.” My voice was a mere whisper as our eyes bore into each other, mine desperately searching for a semblance of the man I used to love. But it was gone, innocence and youth long ripped from him, now only a shell of the dorky and geeky boy that used to recite poems to me that he found in muggle books. It broke my heart; it made me mad—it made my hands tremble even worse.

“Oh, and who are these?” A very thick accented female voice spoke up, her dark red lips pulled into a pleasant and friendly smile as her eyes rivalled Tom’s blueness. I gulped, eyes straying from her onto Seonghwa as he looked down at her, his expression softening as he placed an arm around her middle. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything upon seeing that as my eyes snapped back up to Seonghwa’s face, waiting for his next move.

“Old acquittances from Hogwarts.” He said easily, flashing the woman a quick fake smile, “This is Rhaena, she went to Beauxbatons.”

“Pleased to meet you!” Her French accent was irritating as she extended her hand to shake, eyes stalling on Tom for a second too long. I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying to reign in my scowl as Tom elegantly pressed a kiss against her knuckles, smirking at her with a charming gaze.

“My name is Song Y/N.” I introduced myself confidently once it was my turn to shake her hand, my handshake firm and perhaps too strong as Rhaena winced while my eyes landed on Seonghwa, my own lips pulling into an unamused smirk, “I must admit being introduced as mere acquittances leaves me with a distaste I didn’t think I’d harbour towards you, Mr. Park.”

Tom laughed loudly, watching Seonghwa with a challenging look as Rhaena turned and looked back at him with a quirk to her eyebrow, “My memories must be murky, my apologies, it’s been long since we’ve last seen each other, Miss Song. But I see you continue entertaining your old admirers—”

“Admirer is a strong word,” Tom cut him off with a chuckle, but it was far from being friendly as he glared at Seonghwa, “I merely admire Miss Song’s working etiquette, always have, ever since our time at Hogwarts, I suppose. Is it such a crime to look up to a strong, ambitious, and independent woman?”

I could see the spark of interest in Rhaena’s eyes the longer Tom talked, and it irked me. If she was with Seonghwa, why was she so openly interested in other men? Did Seonghwa not see? Did he not care? Seonghwa deserved better than a woman who couldn’t remain loyal to him.

“Ambitious with foolish ideas—” Before Seonghwa could finish his jab and break my heart more than it was already, Rhaena interjected, smiling widely at Tom. I knew he wasn’t interested in her, but it was scary how well he played his act of looking interested in the eager woman.

“I have always loved a man who is able to recognize the power his partner holds and worship her like a queen.” Rhaena’s lips pulled into a suggestive smirk as she licked her lips, eyes raking over Tom’s body, making me feel uncomfortable as I eyed the two. Tom chuckled under his breath but I noticed the way his jaw clenched and unclenched.

“You’re too daring for me, Miss Rhaena.” Tom settled with saying, making the French woman pout as she suddenly pressed herself to Seonghwa’s side, who was glaring at Tom’s blatant rejection.

“And Miss Song isn’t?” Seonghwa’s lips pulled into a vicious smile, face contorting into something sinister as he continued with an air of insignificance, “After all, Aurors take great pride in their work and never place anyone above themselves.”

“Miss Song knows the distinction between her personal life and her work.” Tom snapped back, grabbing the sleeve of my dress when I started shuffling on my feet, feeling uncomfortable by the exchange. I felt a little prodding in my mind and as I glanced at Tom, he was already looking at me with a frown. I nonverbally reassured him that I was okay, and finally admitted to him that I was here on a mission. He understood quickly and didn’t ask questions, only stated that he’d help me with whatever.

“So, you two are married, then? Rhaena kept on antagonizing us as our telepathic conversation was broken, and my eyebrows furrowed as I scoffed.

“Tom is an old friend that I have always been fond of, are you married to Seonghwa?” Perhaps my tone was too snappy, perhaps my words gave away too much. I gulped, realizing that my emotions were getting the best of me, making me ponder again whether I should just go ask for my purse to take another pill. Things were going horribly; this isn’t what I had planned for the night.

“No.” It was Seonghwa who answered, voice deep and laced with anger, “What are you doing here, Miss Song? I haven’t seen you at the casino before.”

“I’m here to accompany Tom as he’s told me he’s been feeling rather lonely on his visits to the casino.” I plastered on a fake smile, levelling my voice so that they wouldn’t be able to tell that I was lying. Even Tom seemed to be surprised as he hummed next to me in confirmation of said lie, tilting his head as he looked at Seonghwa challengingly, “It’s a nice break from my work that you seem to know so much of, Mr. Park.”

But Rhaena seemed to be stuck on a different part of the conversation, “Mr. Riddle, would you like to be my first dance partner of the night?”

I stiffened as Tom chuckled, giving me a quick glance before he nodded and extended his hand for Rhaena to take. She batted her eyelashes at him and pursed her lips as she waved at Seonghwa, walking off with Tom towards the dance floor. I gulped, eyes stuck onto them as I subconsciously started rubbing my left hand, nails digging into my skin painfully, scratching the skin as it left marks. My heart had started hammering against my chest, and I couldn’t face Seonghwa as I felt his piercing gaze bore into the side of my head. I knew why I was here; I knew what I wanted to say to him, but his hostile attitude wasn’t something I had expected, and now I felt like I needed to rethink and reformulate everything I had wanted to say to him.

Jumping at the sudden warm touch against my hand, I faced Seonghwa with wide eyes as he squeezed my fingers, stopping me from scratching my skin up more. My eyebrows furrowed as my hand tingled, leaving my throat dry once again as Seonghwa’s expression was blank, his round eyes having lost their beautiful and warm glimmer.

“Will you dance with me?” His voice was quiet, tone almost dejected, and I gulped as I nodded wordlessly. He didn’t release my hand, instead, he intertwined his fingers with mine as he led the way towards the dancing crowd, making my insides churn at the familiar feel of his larger palm pressing against my small one.

For a second, I felt like a teenager back at Hogwarts, dancing with Seonghwa under the moonlight to a melody that he so often hummed. But the bodies that nearly collided into mine did a good job of helping me repress the memory to stay level-headed, and instead, I straightened my back and finally remembered what I was taught when I was training to become an Auror. The mission was my number one priority now, and so, I repressed all emotions and slipped a neutral expression onto my face as Seonghwa stopped in the middle of the crowd and turned around to face me. He raised our intertwined hands and yanked me towards himself, taking me off guard as I stumbled into his body. He swiftly grabbed onto my hip and I steadied myself as I held onto his shoulder, turning my head away to gaze over it as Seonghwa’s eyes landed on my face. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, skin burning everywhere it touched Seonghwa’s.

It felt familiar being in his hold, warm and comforting, yet his body was tense and on-alert. Seonghwa was a smart man, he knew if I was here, other Aurors might be too, he was on the look-out in case he needed to flee. My body was tense too, but for different reasons. I was trying not to give in to the yearning of my consciousness after the warm body that I knew so well, the embrace that made me feel like the luckiest person on the planet, the lips that ignited my skin on fire wherever they touched. I have missed Seonghwa so much that sometimes I wondered if my impeding madness was imposed upon me by our separation.

“It’s unexpected seeing you here.” Seonghwa muttered carefully, voice void of the previous hostility. I gulped and nodded, having to agree with him.

“I was curious of this place.” That wasn’t a total lie, and Seonghwa could tell. I felt his finger graze against my knuckles, gently rubbing them, but I ignored it for my peace of mind—which I was already struggling with.

“And how do you like it?”

“It’s too pompous, fake, prestigious.”

“People are here to make beneficial connections, of course it’s fake.” Seonghwa’s voice had dropped low so that nobody but me would hear him. I hummed, licking my lips as I felt him pull me more into himself as we danced around in a small circle, his familiar cologne making my head spin. Even after all these years, he looked and felt like the Seonghwa I once fell in love with.

“Your hair is long now.” I had no idea why I said that but I couldn’t take it back now, and Seonghwa’s steps stuttered for a second, making me step on my dress.

“I’ve always liked it better like this,” He said once he cleared his throat, “I kept it short because my parents didn’t like it.”

“I know.” I whispered and closed my eyes, giving in to my body’s cravings as I felt Seonghwa’s hand slip lower, press firmly against my lower back as our bodies flushed together, making me let out a stuttered breath.

“And your parents, are they well?” I felt bile rise up in my throat upon the question that left his mouth. He knew about them, of course he did, it was his people who sent them into hiding. My parents had played an enormous part in discovering the identity of Grindelwald’s men and their hideout. Of course, they were being hunted by Grindelwald now. I wasn’t safe either, but I was an Auror now, a talented one, Grindelwald wouldn’t waste his time on somebody who could very well defend themselves against him and his army. At least, not yet. I’m sure my time will come too.

“You’re being a hypocrite right now, Seonghwa.” I snapped, hearing him heave a sigh.

“They’ve always been kind to me, I do not wish mal-intent towards them—”

“And towards others?” I snapped, eyebrows furrowed as I pulled my head back to be able to look him in the eyes, “Towards all the innocent lives Grindelwald has taken—you have taken?!”

Seonghwa gulped, jaw clenching as his eyes narrowed, “There’s nothing innocent about being oppressed and having to hide our true nature while those mudbloods continue living their lives carefree and in peace.”

“Mudbloods.” I whispered, shaking my head in disappointment at Seonghwa, “You’re a half-blood, Seonghwa—”

“Enough.” Seonghwa snapped, his grip on my hand turning just a little painful, “I do not want to hear whatever you have to say—”

“Well, that is hilarious, Seonghwa.” I chuckled humourless, eyes narrowing at him in annoyance, “You cannot silence me, you cannot tell me what to do.”

“I can silence you,” He gulped, eyebrows furrowing, “for forever, if I want to.”

I froze, feeling a chill run down my spine, and then I just chuckled. I raised my eyebrows at him, looking him in the eyes challengingly, “Like you’ve silenced all those unassuming folk living in those village you burned to a crisp?!”

Seonghwa’s face contorted in anger, his round eyes narrowing as they stared me down fiercely, a dangerous glint in them, “What had to be done was done. They refused to join our cause.”

“A cause that is wrong and harms others, Seonghwa.” My voice raised slightly as I had lost my patience, our faces leaning in close as we both breathed through our noses harshly, glaring down each other, “You’ve done so many atrocities that you’re afraid to face the repercussions, isn’t it? It’s still not late, Seonghwa, if you come with me tonight, I can make things less painful for you. I can convince the officials to lessen your sentence, I can make them reason with you. If you say you regret everything you’ve done and that you will strive to fix your mistake, they will—”

“I will never do that.” Seonghwa hissed and I felt his breath fan my face, “I stand by what I believe in, I stand by what I have done, Y/N. You are on the wrong side, and you all will pay.”

Body shaking from both anger and anxiety, I tried to inhale deeply and exhale, but my throat felt restricted, and the longer I remained in Seonghwa’s arms the more choked up I would feel. I needed to get away, to get away from the man that didn’t resemble my once lover. This wasn’t the Seonghwa I had fallen in love with, this was—a monster standing in front of me. I bit my lower lip, feeling them tremble as I tried to supress the desperate need to cry, I wouldn’t do it. Not here, not in front of him, not ever again. I have cried enough because of him.

Feeling unsafe and cold in his arms, I tried to detach myself from Seonghwa, but his hold only tightened as his eyebrows further furrowed, looking like he was fighting with himself, a turmoil going on inside his mind. My blood froze over when my eyes slipped from his face, falling onto the necklace that sat against his black shirt, sparkling underneath the dim lights. It was the star necklace I had gifted him. Shaking my head, I looked back up in his eyes, grabbing onto the collar of his vest as Seonghwa’s arms held me in a firm embrace, fingers pressing painfully so into my lower back, “Seonghwa.”

And when his eyes shook, I knew he had lost control over himself, over his emotions, over his mind. I felt my eyes fill with tears for breaking even the little trust that’s remained between the two of us as our eyes bled into each other, making it easy for me to push through his fragile mind’s barriers. It was frightening how dark his thoughts were, revolving around murder and strategies of taking down even more people, of converting even more wizards and witches for their ‘greater’ cause. It was terrifying how good of a manipulator Grindelwald was, the fatherly look in his eyes when he looked at Seonghwa, the praises that left his mouth addicting—the complete opposite of Seonghwa’s muggle father who would never understand our world. I felt a small resistance trying to build itself back up in his mind, but I was stronger—Tom’s lessons at Hogwarts had paid off, the Auror training only making my acquired skills stronger—and so, I pushed forward, searching for anything that would be of use for future purposes.

In my search, I stumbled past sleepless nights spent staring up at the ceiling, of tear-filled eyes and salty cheeks as a familiar man cradled Seonghwa to his chest, shushing him and reassuring him of a bright ending. I heard broken whispers of my name as he’d wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, of lustful touches that were turned down in a haste at last, and ear-piercing shouts that sent everything tumbling to the ground, shattering. And then, painfilled screams and pleas for mercy, people on their knees crying, mothers cradling their children to their chests as their houses burned down and—a piece of parchment that would’ve been blank if it wasn’t for the name of the town scribbled down on it, Grindelwald’s harsh voice commanding my once lover to make everyone perish, nobody spared. He didn’t need anyone on his side from that village, he wanted revenge. Revenge on my parents and on everyone who’s ever tried to mislead him and take him down. Mingi. Yunho.

Seonghwa and I gasped loudly as he finally managed to push me out of his mind, not that I wanted to see anything beyond this. I have seen everything I needed. I had to alert the aurors of the attack Grindelwald had planned on our hideout. My heart raced in fear for my loved ones, and suddenly, I became aware of the hands holding my arms painfully, making me hiss out in pain as I looked up at Seonghwa’s face, feeling my heart still as his eyes were filled with tears, shaking, mouth agape as he looked speechless. I knew he’d hate me for invading his mind without permission, but I had to do it. Our trust in each other has been long broken; I was doing this for the greater good. Seonghwa wouldn’t understand, but he didn’t have to. Despite being a monster, he did something good, he contributed to saving hundreds of lives by weakening his mental barrier.

“You-you—” His voice was shaky as his eyebrows furrowed, body starting to shake from anger, “how could you?!”

“You made me do this, Seonghwa.” I gulped, jumping when he grabbed my nape painfully so, yanking our heads so close to each other that our lips brushed together. I felt my knees grow weak, it would be so easy to press my lips against his now, to feel the soft and plush skin against mine, to devour him and taste him. He’s always felt like home, but would he still feel like it? “You gave me no choice, Seonghwa.”

He scoffed, sneering at me as I whimpered when his fingernails dug into the sensitive skin of my neck, “You’re a monster, they’ve turned you into a monster.”

“As they have with you.” I whispered, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying, to keep myself from surrendering to Seonghwa completely. Seonghwa huffed, looking like he couldn’t believe what I have just said, eyes falling onto my lips as I tilted my head back, hands smoothing against his chest as my fingers ached from griping onto his vest so tightly. And my eyelashes threatened to flutter closed when Seonghwa angled his head just a little lower, his plump lips slotted perfectly against mine if one of us were to just tip our heads even the slightest forward.

But we were monsters to each other, the bogeyman of each other’s stories.

 1943

            I was close to finishing my patrolling duties, the Astronomy Tower my last stop before I could head back to the Slytherin common room and catch up on some much-needed sleep. Our examinations for the end of the year were nearing, more notedly, we only had one more week to catch up on every lesson before we’d be subjected to the long week of finals. It was stressful and I barely had any time for anything besides studying, so, much like others, I was cooped up in the library, scribbling down any necessary information that I might’ve missed during classes. Seonghwa and I only met up when we’d have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the dining hall—unless one of us decided to skip due to not having studied enough that day. But that was alright, we both valued our studies and grades above all and, besides, we left little messages for each other in hidden places that we knew the other would patrol in the evenings after curfew.

The steps to the Astronomy Tower were steep and made of thick concrete, I pressed my palm against the stone wall for guidance and to feel safer as I was headed up to the tower. I had a slight fear of heights, which wasn’t too handy when I had to fly on a broom, hence why I never even considered playing Quidditch despite finding it cool and entertaining. Hongjoong could’ve probably brewed me a potion that made my fear halt but then again, I don’t know how smart it would have been to trust Hongjoong with even the simplest potions. He loved experimenting, and I had been on the receiving end of his failed brews one too many times. I am sure Madam Gorsemoor, herself, will banish me from this school if I turn up with an aching tummy to her Infirmary one more time.

I was panting by the time I reached the top of the stairs, all I had to do was round the corner and peek around it, then I could bolt back down to the Slytherin dormitories. However, just as I was about to do that, I heard hushed voices echoing around the stone walls. I couldn’t tell exactly what was being said as the voices were low, nonetheless, I did have to interrupt whatever was going on as I was a Prefect—I would even need to deduct house points if these were students and not professors. Squaring my shoulders and straightening my back to look more menacing than I actually was—with hopes of scaring off the students—I power-walked around the corner, only to freeze in the next second. Seonghwa stood leaning against the railing of the terrace, the wind howling loudly without the walls protecting us, and he was speaking to Rabastan Lestrange. My eyebrows furrowed as I noticed another figure sitting down, feet dangling over the ledge as he was leaned back on his hands, gazing up at the bright starry night sky, Hongjoong.

I didn’t understand what was happening, and I gulped as I carefully hid back around the corner, grateful that the three boys hadn’t noticed me. I peeked my head around the stone wall, still, and cast a wandless eavesdropping spell, Seonghwa and Rabastan’s voices suddenly tangible to my ears.

“So, what you’re saying is that your parents got everything ready for us?” Seonghwa’s usually warm voice lacked emotion now, and I could see that his eyebrows were slightly furrowed.

“Yes, all we have to do is give them the go.” Rabastan’s voice was harsh much like his father’s, and my eyebrows furrowed even more as I felt more confused than ever. What was this about and how did Seonghwa know Rabastan? What even was the purpose of this meeting after curfew? Was it worth it for Rabastan and Hongjoong to get caught and have house points reduced?

“But are you certain we’ve got enough people on the inside?” Seonghwa pressed on, sounding stressed, “Out of twenty-five people I have talked to, only ten wanted to join the cause.”

“Is he one of them?” Rabastan scoffed, tilting his head in Hongjoong’s direction as he remained ignorant of the two. I chewed on my bottom lip as Seonghwa glanced back at his best friend then shook his head slightly.

“Don’t worry about him,” Seonghwa muttered and Hongjoong gave him a lopsided smirk and a wink. Rabastan looked disgusted as he averted his eyes, glaring at Seonghwa now.

“If Grindelwald arrives and marches inside the school, we need to have enough students on his side to defend against the other fools, Park.” Rabastan hissed and my eyes widened, a tiny gasp slipping past my lips in shock, “He’s been planning this for way too long for you to mess it up—”

“And I have been planning alongside him just as much, Lestrange.” Seonghwa leered as he got all up in Rabastan’s face, his face contorted in anger. I had never seen Seonghwa look like that, I couldn’t believe this was real, that my Seonghwa was saying such things. What did he mean he’s been planning alongside him—alongside Grindelwald?! Was Seonghwa doing bad things behind my back? There had to be an explanation to all of this, this can only be a sick joke. Before I could react, Hongjoong tipped his head back, looking rather bored until we made eye contact. His eyes widened instantly and his mouth fell open as he struggled to scramble up as I shook my head at him ‘no’, but it was already too late.

“Seonghwa!” He hissed, and I watched as my lover looked over to his best friend with an irked expression on his face until he followed Hongjoong’s line of sight, our eyes meeting. I gasped, my heart racing in my chest as I whirled around and took off running, waving off the spell I had cast. I held onto the railing tightly as I tried to make my way fast down the stairs, struggling not to stumble and accidentally fall as I heard hurried footsteps echo behind me, laboured breaths leaving the person’s mouth. I didn’t dare look back to see who was following after me, but if they weren’t casting jinxes my way it meant that I was somewhat safe. At least as long as they didn’t reach the end of the staircase. The winding stairs seemed to suddenly never end as the wind howled in the distance the closer I got to the bottom, to the wooden door that was ajar as I had left it like that, the key to the door sitting in my pocket.

My lungs heaved for air as I finally reached the last stone step, letting go of the railing as I ran for the wooden door, screaming in fright when I felt a hand wrap around my bicep and yank me back before I could leave. I was whirled around and pushed against the door as I frantically tried to fight off the hands gripping my arms now.

“Y/N, it’s me.” The breathy voice was gentle, “My love, it’s Seonghwa.”

But that wasn’t comforting to hear anymore as my head snapped up, wide eyes staring at Seonghwa’s worried face. I gulped and gripped his forearms, pulling him closer towards me as our chests rose and fell quickly, “Explain.”

Seonghwa’s face blanched, skin paling as he gulped, his grip softening against my biceps, “I—what you heard isn’t—my love, let’s stay level-headed—”

“Is it true?” I snapped, jaw clenching as I couldn’t stand to hear him stutter, “What Lestrange has said, is it true, Seonghwa?!”

“Calm down first—”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I screamed and fought his grip off, pushing him away from me. My hands had started trembling as I stared at him with disgust, trying to make sense of everything, “It is true?! Are you on-on Grindelwald’s side?!”

“Y/N,” Seonghwa froze, his expression suddenly faltering as he looked past me, at the wooden door, “Yes—Yes, I am.”

I felt my heart clench as tears flooded my eyes in an instant, and I was gripping Seonghwa’s shirt in a flash, yanking him down to be eye-level with me, “Tell me you’re lying. Look me in the eyes.”

Seonghwa’s jaw clenched and unclenched as he licked his lips, struggling to take a long breath as his eyes fell on my face, searching for something that he didn’t find as suddenly he looked resigned, “It’s not a lie, my love, I have chosen to support Grindelwald’s cause. We’ve been forced to suffer for too long, shunned into hiding while those creatures do as they please, while they live the lives we are supposed to live.”

I shuddered at his words and released him as if he had burned me, hugging my arms around my middle as I bit my bottom lip, a few tears having escaped my eyes, “You were there. At Lucy’s funeral, you were there, Seonghwa. She died because of Grindelwald. Her entire family—eradicated, burned down, because she was an innocent Muggle.”

Seonghwa’s eyes were filled with tears too as I had started crying now, hands shaking even more as I tried to wipe my cheeks dry, but the tears just kept flowing, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?!” I snapped, voice shaking from the betrayal I was feeling, from anger, and from feeling like my heart’s been ripped out, “How could you look me in the eyes every single day, touch me, when you’ve been going behind my back and plotting such atrocious thing, Seonghwa?!”

“I wanted to tell you but you—you—” I took a step back as Seonghwa tried to reach out for me, watching the hurt expression on his face due to my rejection, “I knew you’d react like this; I just couldn’t tell you. You’d—ruin our plans.”

It felt like a punch to the gut hearing the love of my life say those things and I laughed, body shaking in despair and pain that this is the side my lover had chosen. The man I thought I would marry one day, give children to, grow old with. Yet here he stood in front of me, with tears streaming down his face—an abomination, just a mere shell of what he used to be, “Your father is a muggle, Hwa.”

His jaw clenched and he swiftly wiped his tears off his cheeks, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, “And he’s never been good to me.”

I gulped as I closed my eyes and willed my muscles to ease up a bit so that I could move again. I brushed my hair back as I blinked my eyes open, a little blurry from the tears that still threatened to spill out, but I sucked it up and nodded, ignoring my heart that was crying out for my mind to stop, not to say the words that would leave my lips soon, “Goodbye, Mr. Park.”

“What?” Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed as I grabbed the door handle behind me and bowed my head respectfully.

“Finish your Prefect duties and go back to your dormitory.” My voice was devoid of any emotion as I yanked the wooden door open behind myself, mind numb and silent for once, “I shall do the same, I won’t report this to Headmaster Dippet just yet.”

“Y/N, what are you—”

“I believe it’s Miss Song to you, Mr. Park.”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened as I stepped outside, hands trembling beyond normal as I had started feeling faint, “Y/N, no. No, you cannot leave me, I don’t—I cannot—please, Y/N, my love, please don’t. I cannot live without you, Y/N—”

The wooden door was loud as it slammed shut in my face, making my knees go weak as I tumbled to the floor, gasping for air as my whole chest felt on fire, tears wetting my cheeks before I could even try to stop them from escaping. The gut-wrenching sob that rippled through the hallway despite the wooden door that separated us made my skin crawl, my heart screaming at me to go back and take back everything I’d said to Seonghwa, but my mind knew what was right. My mind knew there was no further future for us, for Seonghwa.

He had chosen his path, and I have chosen mine.

            Like many knew, my work etiquette was beyond pristine and precise. I valued my missions above anything else, and so, I had wasted no time in reporting back to the Auror’s Office—to Theseus Scamander—about what I had found out at the casino. The attack that Grindelwald’s men—Seonghwa—was tasked to lead to avenge their leader. I could only hope that I was on time, that they hadn’t gotten to the village just yet, but with Seonghwa knowing that I had discovered their plans, it was probable that I was either too late, or they wouldn’t attack anymore. Either way, I was compromised and I needed to move, to go into hiding at one of our safe houses. I had requested to be placed close to Yunho and Mingi, in hopes that I could finally find them and speak to them. I missed them gravely, and slowly I had started feeling crazy without their safe and comforting presence around me.

But my mission wasn’t over yet, due to the weight of Seonghwa’s own mission, now I was tasked with killing him. It was a straight-up order, nothing could change their minds. Even if Seonghwa apologized and begged, they wouldn’t forgive him. In their eyes, he deserved to die—and I knew this. He did deserve to die, but I couldn’t ignore the growing lump in my throat and the coil of my stomach any time I tried to come up with a plan to lure him towards me. I was a trained professional, and I was tasked to kill a man. It would have been like second nature if said main wasn’t Seonghwa. I didn’t know how to proceed just yet, but I knew upon seeing Mingi and Yunho I would find solace in their presence and inspiration in their ideas. But one thing was certain, I would never be able to face Hongjoong again if my mission was successful.

I had woken up early in the morning to pack away my most important belongings, stuffing old polaroids deep into my satchel bag—the same one I had used at Hogwarts. At times when I felt nostalgic and missed the good old times, I would flip through the moving polaroids that had been taken at Hogwarts, many of them of Seonghwa and I, or of Seonghwa, Hongjoong, and I. Despite Yunho and Mingi having entered my life recently—three years ago, more specifically—the pictures of the three of us belonged in the same pile. Those two were like the brothers I never had.

I had taken my time to venture into the Muggle World and buy enough pills to last me three months in case I had to hide for a longer period of time, and I was already tempted to abuse the prescribed amount as I placed the third bottle away in my satchel bag, zipping it closed and placing it down onto the floor, next to my other bags. Now all I had to do was wait for the official that would fetch me and Apparate me to the safe house. Only a select few knew of its location, and I would be granted permission only once we have arrived to it. It didn’t help either that last night I was plagued with nightmares, the lack of sleep and the pills I had taken earlier this morning made me feel drowsy now, making me contemplate if taking a nap right now was smart or not. But I felt too restless to sleep, and thus, I couldn’t stop pacing around my main hallway, chewing away at my bottom lip. I was thinking of ways that I could deal with Seonghwa, desperately trying to find a way out in which he remained alive, when there were three firm knocks at my front door. I released a stressed sigh, grateful that the official was finally here and that I wouldn’t have to think about my issues for a little while.

I hurried over to the door, unlocking it quickly and yanking it open, freezing in surprise. The black cloaked figure was tall, head leaning down and obscured by a hood, making me wonder if the Ministry had changed up their customs and forgot to update me about them. But then, the person raised their head just until I could see their eyes, and I froze. Round eyes were narrowed into a ferocious glare and I gasped as I went to slam the door shut, fear striking my whole body as Seonghwa threw himself against my front door, pushing with all of his force to throw it open. I hissed as I leaned against the door heavily, refusing to give up, but Seonghwa gave it an aggressive push and I was sent tumbling back as I crashed into the round table placed in the middle of the hallway. He pushed the door open with his foot and unclipped his cloak from around his shoulders as he elegantly stepped inside, eyes cautiously glancing around, surveying the place. Perhaps he was looking to make sure I was alone.

I quickly snapped out of my initial shock and pushed off the table, heart beating fast as I ran around the table, going to fetch my wand which was placed atop the fireplace, but suddenly I felt my feet tangle together, sending me face first down onto the floor. I groaned as I narrowly avoided banging my head against the surface and rolled onto my back as I heard footsteps quickly approach. Staring up at Seonghwa wide eyed, his wand pointed at me, I narrowed my eyes and watched as the wand flew out of his hand at my non-verbal spell. His jaw clenched and I quickly jumped up to my feet, eyeing his wand, contemplating whether I should grab his instead as I knew he was never too good at wandless magic. I could only hope that was still true.

But as I lunged towards his wand, which had rolled underneath the table, Seonghwa lunged for me, arms wrapping around me and tackling me onto the table. I gasped as I collided against the surface painfully so, my shoulder digging into the sturdy wood as Seonghwa pressed my cheek with his hand against the surface without mercy.

“You’ve got a nice little cottage for yourself, Miss Song.” He sneered leaning down, “A little too daring for my taste. You didn’t even have wards set up.”

I huffed and grabbed his wrist with my left hand, which wasn’t trapped underneath my body, and yanked his hand off my face, kicking his shin hard with my leg, “I fear no one, Mr. Park. One doesn’t need wards when they live on the edge a Wizarding and Muggle town.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, my love.” I gulped at the once endearing nickname, and trashed around until Seonghwa’s hold loosened, “You made tracking you so easy.”

I chuckled as I finally wrestled my way out from underneath Seonghwa, “Perhaps I wanted to be found, my love, perhaps you just willingly walked into my trap, Hwa.”

Seonghwa froze for a second, face falling as I smirked and jumped up, hand curling around his neck as I threw him into the wall behind him, making him gasp at the sheer force I had used. I had never fought physically against Seonghwa, we had only duelled at Hogwarts. He had no idea what I was capable of in hand-to-hand combat. But I also had no idea how he fought, and I was certainly taken aback when I felt his knee raise into my stomach, making me suck in a sharp breath of air. My hand left his neck as I doubled over, fighting the urge to vomit as Seonghwa looked down at me with a dark look in his eyes. I felt fingers card through my hair and my head was yanked back as I groaned, looking up into his eyes with venom.

“You’re rather unprepared for someone who’s just lured me into their trap.” Seonghwa leered, leaning down, but before he could get too close, I stomped on his foot harshly, making him cry out as he let go of me, pushing me to the side. Regaining my balance, I dashed towards the fireplace to retrieve my wand and I heard hurried movement behind myself as well as we both turned around at the same time, wands held in each other’s direction threateningly. Neither of us moved nor spoke, our eyes boring into each other’s to see who would make the first attack. Based on experience, Seonghwa wouldn’t attack first, he would wait for me to do that, but I suppose times have changed us as I was forced to dodge an attack that almost made my fireplace explode into pieces. My eyes widened at the aggressive nature of Seonghwa’s attack and decided to return the energy. If he wanted to play dirty and use non-verbal magic, I could certainly match his energy.

I sent a Stupefy his way and watched in satisfaction as it took him off guard and sent him flying into the wall, breaking the small shoe rack that I have mounted myself. I smirked at Seonghwa, tilting my head with a challenging glint in my eyes, until I suddenly lost my footing again. It had seemed like he was fond of the spell. Seonghwa looked slightly dazed as I tried to regain my bearings, my head having hit the floor a little hard this time, but the duel must go on, I have gone through far worse things compared to this.

Sharp icy arrows were shot towards me as I scrambled backward, raising an invisible shield with my left hand as I sent blue fireballs towards Seonghwa using wandless magic. His eyebrows furrowed as he raised his own shield last minute, looking taken aback that I could use my magic so sharply while utilizing three methods at once. I knew he couldn’t when his eyes hardened again, giving me time to finally stand up and continue my attack with a spell that had birds materializing and diving for Seonghwa. He yelped and shielded himself, his barrier broken by the bird’s beaks as I shot another Stupefy at him, which he barely avoided as it crashed into the portraits hung onto the wall, sending them crashing to the floor.

I knew his next move before he even did it—I didn’t need to read his mind to know—as I raised another shield, dodging his strong Stupefy as it shattered my spell quite instantly. This duel felt childlike, as if we were testing each other’s patience, wanting to see who would give in first. It almost felt petty, like he was only teasing me because he was so certain that he’d win. I could count on my fingers how often he had beat me in a duel, and I knew for a fact that he still wasn’t better than me. Fed up with our useless fight, I decided to put an end to it as my eyes hardened, Seonghwa’s eyes narrowing upon seeing my expression. But before I could yell out Expelliarmus, I felt my right hand burn, the wand so hot that I had no choice but to drop it as I gasped, the tremors of my hands worsening as I looked back up at Seonghwa. He was smirking, thinking he had won the duel, but I raised my left hand and screamed, “Expelliarmus!”

He didn’t expect me not to give in right away, and so, his wand flew out of his hand as I whirled it against the wall, hearing a crack. My breath halted in my throat as my eyes widened in horror, watching as Seonghwa’s broken wand fell to the floor, his jaw falling open as he flinched. The apology was on the tip of my tongue, but the pure rage that had encompassed Seonghwa’s face made me shiver, and I dashed for the front door, trying to escape before his wrath could reach me. But had I miscalculated our distance, and as I grabbed the handle and tried to open the door, I felt a warm presence behind myself as the door was slammed back shut, my breathing loud in the silent room as my heart had started beating fast.

I was frozen, too afraid to move as I didn’t know what Seonghwa would do now. The man that stood behind me, stopping me from fleeing, was somebody I didn’t know. I could hear Seonghwa trying to level his breaths as his palm remained pressing against the door, his arm brushing against my hair. I tried to calculate my next move, work out what would be the smartest thing to do next, but his proximity made it hard to focus. I had seen him barely two days ago and his touch was still fresh in my mind, haunting my every waking moment, making me crave him like never before.

“Where’s Riddle when you need him, huh?” Seonghwa’s tone was poisonous, laced with hatred as I tensed, eyebrows furrowing.

“I don’t need Riddle,” I hissed, jaw clenching as my grip tightened around the handle, “I can protect myself; I don’t need anyone.”

“One would assume he’d be running here to save you like the lost puppy he was following you around at Hogwarts—”

“Tom has no part in my life!” My voice raised as I grew angrier, whirling around to face Seonghwa. I faltered for a second, finding him too close for comfort as he glared down at me, a dangerous glimmer in his eyes as I gulped, “I only used him to get an invite to the casino because I heard he goes there often—like you.”

Seonghwa’s careful mask cracked for a second as his eyebrows twitched, almost turning into a frown, but he caught himself and smirked instead, leaning down, “You think you can fool me with your pathetic lies?”

“Want me to show you?” I raised an eyebrow challengingly, knowing that it would only make Seonghwa angrier as he detested Legillimency, especially after I have used it on him at the casino.

He scoffed, leaning down closer to my face, “I should’ve killed you on the spot two nights ago—”

“Yet you didn’t,” I breathed out with a scoff, “like I haven’t told anyone about you and Lestrange’s stupid plan of bringing Grindelwald inside Hogwarts.”

“It wasn’t stupid—”

“You failed.”

“Because Riddle caused a scene, as always.” Seonghwa hissed, and I jumped when his fist made contact with the door above my head, making me melt back into the sturdy door, heart racing all over again, “I would’ve killed him a long time ago if Grindelwald hadn’t seen potential in him.”

Dread washed over me as I felt my stomach drop, “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry,” Seonghwa leered, tilting his head to the side as his glare made me feel sick to my stomach. He’s never looked at me like that, with so much venom and hatred, “your little lover refused his offer and Grindelwald decided to let him live for a little longer.”

“He’s not my lover.” I snapped, chest rising and falling quickly once again as I started getting angry. When would he understand that I could never look at Tom the way he thinks I did, “I have never harboured any romantic feelings towards Tom—I don’t even understand how my personal life is any of your business. You don’t see me talking ill of Rhaena or questioning her motives with you, Seonghwa.”

He paused as he gulped loudly, his hand slipping lower on the door until it was right next to my head, his wrist brushing against my cheekbone, “Rhaena is someone I work with, it’s all professional.”

“I do not care, Seonghwa.”

“You don’t, right.”

I gulped as suddenly an uncertain look crossed Seonghwa’s features, his eyes momentarily softening as I felt my whole body tingle as he stepped closer, his clothes brushing against mine. I felt my mouth go dry as my eyes roamed his face, palms turning into fists as I felt the sudden urge to reach out to him and touch him. Seonghwa placed his other hand against the door too, caging me in between himself and the sturdy surface. His eyebrows furrowed as his dark eyes bore into mine, bangs slightly obscuring his beautiful eyes as he exhaled slowly, closing the distance between our bodies. I shuddered and tilted my head back as he straightened up, my eyes landing on his plush lips as he parted them, tongue poking out to lick his dry lips. My whole body was buzzing as my eyebrows furrowed, my heart and mind fighting a never-ending battle as I couldn’t contain myself anymore and reached up, fingers reluctantly touching his cheek.

I wasn’t certain if he’d let me as his eyebrows furrowed even more, obvious that he was also struggling to make up his mind. But at last, I decided to be brave and cupped his warm cheek, my hand trembling against his soft skin. Seonghwa gasped quietly as his eyes widened, searching my gaze before his eyes fluttered shut, bringing tears into my eyes. I so desperately wanted to be engulfed by his familiar embrace, the warmth of his safe hug, the feeling of belonging, something I haven’t felt ever since we parted ways. Then, just slightly, as my fingers have started tracing his cheekbone, he turned his head and pressed a firm kiss against my wrist, alighting a vicious fire in my body.

“Seonghwa.” I had barely finished whispering his name when my lips were muffled by his, the familiarity of them making me moan as I threw my arms around his shoulders, clinging to him with desperation. Seonghwa inhaled loudly as he gripped my hips and flushed our bodies together to the point you couldn’t tell where he started and where I ended, and I pushed up on my tiptoes to better kiss him. His pace was sloppy and desperate as I returned the aggressivity of his own lips, fingers tangling in his dark and long locks, pulling on the strands and making him groan in the back of his throat. He leaned down and I felt his hands travel to my thighs, and I jumped before he could signal for me to, legs wrapping around his hips firmly as he pressed me back up against the sturdy door, moaning against my mouth when I finally parted my lips for his tongue to explore. He tasted like the old Seonghwa, he smelled like the old Seonghwa, he even felt like the old Seonghwa.

His body had gotten sturdier, stronger, and yet despite the desperate way he clung to me, fingers pressing into my cheeks or grabbing at my neck, he remained mindful of hurting me, of being gentle even in our desperation to feel each other, to love each other. His tongue lapped at mine eagerly, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth when he pulled back for a scarce breather, making me chase after his lips again as I couldn’t let go of him just yet. Our lips were swollen and covered in our mixed saliva, but I couldn’t care less as finally my thoughts were silent, my body and mind only focusing on Seonghwa. He gripped the back of my thighs and I made sure to hold onto him tighter as he pulled me off the door and started walking aimlessly around my cottage, having to pull away from my lips just slightly so that I could give him directions towards my bedroom.

Our clothes were quick to come off, even before we made it to the bedroom, and I found his once flawless skin now littered with scars, bringing tears to my eyes as he shuddered when I gently traced them with my fingertips. My body wasn’t perfect either, but it definitely harboured less scars than his, and it made me wonder just how many times he’s been in harms way with no guarantee that he’ll make it out alive. Before I could cry, Seonghwa’s lips were pressing against my cheeks, my forehead, my eyes, my nose, my jaw and chin, at last finding my lips as I was guided backwards onto the bed, pressing me down gently as he wasted no time getting on top of me. Despite the passing of time and being away from each other for four years, our bodies seemed to still know the other, our minds remembering every little thing that made the other tick, and it felt natural as we were guided by pure lust and desire for each other.

I had tried to remain composed and focused on Seonghwa, to give back just as much as I was receiving, but when he had settled between my legs, lips pressing feather-like kisses against my thighs until he drove me crazy and had me begging for more, I was a gone woman only able to focus on the immense pleasure his long tongue and plush lips brought, his fingers helping out when it wasn’t enough anymore. When my fingers yanked on his hair so hard that it made him whine, tongue lapping at my juices even faster, making me writ around until he held me down by the hips, Seonghwa knew I was close to unravelling, to coming undone on nothing but his tongue and fingers. But he pulled back, he always did, because he wanted to fill me up, to make me scream his name while I came undone on his dick. His lips kissed all the way up to my lips as I whispered his name over and over again, scratching down his back with my long nails, legs hooking around his hips as he wouldn’t lay on me just yet, tongue tangling with mine and making me taste myself as I reached down between us, grabbing his twitching member.

Seonghwa froze, moaning against my mouth as his eyebrows furrowed, rutting against my palm as I jerked my hand faster, until he was begging me to stop because he didn’t want to finish like this. And I did, I cradled his face in my hands as our eyes bore into each other’s, his dick finally lined up with my entrance as he slowly pushed inside, holding himself up by the forearms. It was painful, it was bittersweet, and it was the most pleasure I have felt in years, all in the arms of the man I had once loved—I still loved. My mouth had fallen open as I hissed in pain, eyebrows furrowing and eyes falling shut as Seonghwa kissed my wrists, whispering reassuring words, understanding that I haven’t done this since we went our separate ways.

But I didn’t need much to get accustomed to the once familiar feel of his dick splitting me open, stretching me out and making me feel filled to the brim, the only thought on my mind being him, Seonghwa. And I tried to swallow the noises that wanted to tear through my throat, but the harder Seonghwa slammed back in, the faster his hips thrust, I could only moan and whine, call out his name repeatedly as he fondled my breasts and made my back arch, hitting my sensitive spot over and over again. I grabbed onto his arms for leverage as he sat back on his heels, holding my hips up tightly as he pulled me down on each thrust to meet him halfway, making me curse out loudly as my stomach had started coiling, the pleasure building up until I couldn’t bear with it anymore.

“Seonghwa.” His name was nothing but a broken whisper as I bit my bottom lip, opening my arms, knowing that he’d understand my request. And he did, because he pressed himself completely against me, my arms going underneath his to hug him tightly as my fingernails pressed into his shoulder blades once again, painfully so, making Seonghwa hiss in pain and pleasure at the same time. He buried his head in my neck as he was panting, hips jerking messily as he was nearing his own undoing, much like I was. Our bodies were covered in a thin layer of sweat, chasing our own orgasms as Seonghwa’s right hand lowered between our bodies and started quickly rubbing my bundle of nerves, making me throw my head back and come undone in just a few seconds. His name left my lips like a mantra as I felt tears spring into my eyes from the overwhelming pleasure, body trembling as he stilled, and then I felt hot liquid spill inside me as he lazily continued to move his hips, making my body ache as it all felt too much.

“My love.” His lips brushed against my ear with one final thrust and then he stilled, body going lax as I was panting hard, trying to swallow but my throat felt parched. Seonghwa muttered something against the skin of my neck but I didn’t understand, and I turned my head to press kisses against his hair, his shoulder blade, and ultimately his lips when he raised his head. I instantly felt cold and like I was missing something as he rolled over and pulled out, his chest rising and falling just as frantically as mine. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like a vein would pop in my forehead and I felt Seonghwa’s fingers intertwine with mine. I gulped and looked over, finding nothing but a pained expression on his face and eyes that were overflowing with tears. I couldn’t hold it back in anymore, and let mine fall free as Seonghwa sniffed loudly, his beautiful black hair strewn across my pillow, the cloudy weather casting my bedroom in a dim light.

“I love you, Y/N,” Seonghwa’s voice was raspy and it trembled as he pressed a long-lasting kiss against my knuckles, “I love you so much, my love.”

I bit my bottom lip to fight the sob that threatened to rip through my throat and nodded, bringing our hands up to my cheek to nuzzle it against Seonghwa’s skin, “I love you too, Hwa, always have. Always will.”

But we weren’t meant to be since we were on opposing sides. And we both knew that as our tears stopped flowing, our fingers going numb from how tightly we held onto each other. Seonghwa sighed then released my hand reluctantly, making me bite back a whine as he sat up, running his fingers through his hair. Before he could get off my bed, I sat up hurriedly and threw my arms around him, letting out a long exhale as he returned the embrace, cradling my head against his naked chest. I wanted to grow old with him, I wanted to have children that would gift us grandchildren, I wanted us to never be separated again. And maybe Seonghwa wanted that too because his whole body trembled as we somehow found the strength to separate from each other, eyes yearning for something we’d never have.

I watched as he rolled over, then sat on the edge of my bed as I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging my bare legs, looking for even the smallest comfort now that I knew I would let him leave, just this once. This was our final goodbye, the closure we never got. Once Seonghwa was out of my cottage, we’d play our parts, we’d be the enemies everyone thought we were. I was ready, and perhaps he was ready to. An easy smile settled on my lips as I watched Seonghwa lean down and fetch something, his back muscles tensing as he glanced back over his shoulder. My eyebrows furrowed upon the solemn look on his face and I went rigid as he turned his torso around, my own wand pointed at me. His voice was resigned, a whisper, pained.

“Obliviate.”

1944

            The train came to a screeching halt as we neared the next village, sending me back in my seat as I stared out the window, feeling bored as I knew nobody who shared the compartment with me. But that’s how it is when you don’t have friends of your own. It was alright, I had always done just fine on my own. As the train stopped and the doors opened, I watched the students who lived in this village get off, pulling their heavy luggage after themselves, greeted by their families who couldn’t wait for them to return home for the summer holiday. My chin was resting in my palm as I pursed my lips, finding it hard to enjoy my last train ride back home, never to return to Hogwarts. There was an ache in my chest that grew the longer I stared out the window, the longer I stared at the messy black-haired boy that had stopped close to the edge of the platform, gazing inside the train, dark and soft eyes landing on me unmistakably.

I gulped, feeling my heartbeat pick up the longer our gazes remained connected, confused by the ache in my chest that only got worse the longer we looked at each other. My eyebrows furrowed as I felt this sudden urge to reach out to him, to get off the train and run into his arms, to breathe in his familiar scent and feel his plush lips press against my skin, and his low voice whisper reassuring words into my ears. I didn’t know why I felt like that, I couldn’t explain the yearning of my own body as the boy’s once familiar face became hazy, unclear. No matter how hard I tried to look, I couldn’t see his features clearly. I couldn’t remember his name.

He became a murky memory in the back of my mind as the train whistled, signalling its departure, and as we took off, I felt the lurch of my heart and the coil of my stomach worsen as I jumped up from my seat, pulling the window open and scaring those sitting in the compartment with me. I looked out the window, head leaning outside as my eyebrows furrowed, the name of the boy on the tip of my tongue as I desperately tried to cry out his name—but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know who he was. The alarmed cries of the people who rode with me snapped me out of my unexplainable actions, and I settled back into my seat feeling confused and embarrassed as I apologized.

I couldn’t tell anymore why my heart ached like I had loved someone with my whole being, with my soul, like I had sworn to remain by their side forever and even beyond. It confused me as to why I wanted to sob and scream after a boy that once was my guiding light in the darkness, my star. A face once familiar now became just the whisper of a distant memory that I couldn’t put my finger on, a nostalgic ache of a love that felt real, yet intangible.

The stars couldn’t shine bright without their darkness.

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[danielcalmdown]

Here's a few thoughts i have about Disco Elysium and it's lack of philosophical approach towards Harry's experiences. (Not to mistake it with psychology. There is plenty of that in Disco and the characters and ideologies are pulled apart in many fun ways.)

Explanation below the cut, so it's not a long-ass post.

So, Harry is very much suffering. He says "I am in pain. I have no idea how to get better, I'm about to fucking give up." What he gets as response, from his own mind and other people, is things like: "Get your shit together. You have to go through this hell. It will be awful, depressing and boring. Forget her. Stay strong, don't give up, you will eventually feel better. This is how normal people live. Do it for the (...)." This is encouragement. What it does is it keeps him on his feet and helps him move forward. But it's the only type of response he ever gets. What it doesn't do is challenge how he experiences his life in the first place. There is not a single sentence, a thought, any kind of spark in the game that would begin some sort of reform within him. He's the same sad, old Harry utill the end. The rest is accessories.

Beyond that, the gameplay is screaming at you: SEIZE THE MOMENT! There is so much work put into describing things happening around Harry. And so much fondness towards that world. But it's just there, next to him and his pain. Beautiful and worth living for, but it's not used to reveal anything that would inspire him to change. Something about humanity, the meaning of his suffering, maybe a hint about that hole in the world. Yknow, philosophical stuff. Even the miracle of the story, the phasmid, answers Harry's most existential question with "I don’t know, nobody knows." It's not there to guide him away from the vicious circle he's stuck in. It's more like a pat on the back. "Look, something incredible happened today! Life can be great sometimes." Here are a few statements meant by the game to be impactful: "Something beautiful is going to happen", "The night is always darkest before the dawn", "One day, i will return to your side", "The road to healing is going to be a long one. You will make it, some day." They sound like coping mechanism. They are motivational, hopeful, but don't speak about reality. "I'm suffering RIGHT NOW. The world and my head are still fucking broken. Heelp!" Harry cries out. "Hope for a better future. Go for a run. Focus on your job, get a hobby, take your mind off the pain." Try to be happier while remaining the same. Switch alcohol and drugs for non destructive activities to help you endure through that persisting pain. Look out of the window each morning, wait for that special thing to happen. And when it happens? The core stays unmoved. You don't even know what it is about you, where lies the first mistake. You learned nothing new about yourself.

I think all of this fits with the creators' views, which are sparsely hinted at throughout the game. "God is indifferent. This is our curse", "The world is inherently meaningless", "True love is possible in the next world, for new people, it's too late for us." Maybe that's why the game didn't allow Harry to change, because it doesn't believe there is anything out there that could help him. He's a human, therefore he has no choice but to think and suffer exactly the way he does. So yeah, that's my thoughts on it. Feel free to comment, disagree and enlighten me if you think i'm wrong. I'm always open to change my mind.

[louislovesdilfs]

Homesick

this is a Doctor who fanfic, it's almost like a big experiment that I'm doing with a lot, LIKE A LOT, of theories or headcanons in it, crucial to this story (not all of them but whatever). I will put every source I use in this fics and if this series continues they will be A LOT. today's source tho it's just one @/whynotjohnlock I took something from them so thank you for the informations. There are some "uncanny valley" references but I tried to explain them as best as I could, let's just say it's full of nerd stuff and it will only get worst :)

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pairing: 9th Doctor x reader (will eventually become 10th later on.)

English is not my first language so I apologise for the mistakes.

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The street Y/n is walking in makes him nauseous, he saw that street so many times...the buildings, the houses, the people...all the same all the time, it's like living a nightmare: 20 years always in the same place with the same faces and the same dreams, dreams that not even he can believe.

Y/n lights up a cigarette letting the smoke fill his lungs and brain, it's poisonous yet it feels so good, the way his brain gets dizzy everytime the smoke gets in his body it's what he needs, it's the best feeling he can get in that small town somewhere.

He looks at the too familiar place with dead eyes, not even an emotion, maybe disgust for the place, he knows he will die in the same house he grew up in, like all the people in that fucking place, he will die sad and alone like his father before him, and the father of his father; lonliness and bad behaviour run strong in his family, as much as he hates it he is his parents' son, he has the same destructive, hot tempered and maybe pessimistic side of his father but the horrible, pathetic, useless kind heart his mother had..great woman his mother, always there to help the others until one day she helped the wrong person.

The street is looking as he remembers except for a tiny little detail, there's a phone box hidden in an alley, he has seen that alley a million times before but that blue box? it appeared from no where, almost a glitch in the matrix, he thinks; he's such a nerd.

Y/n steps closer carefully looking in case the owner is around, he feels the blue wood on his fingers genlty caressing it with his right hand, it's almost like the blue box can feel it, Y/n can swear he saw it light up for a tiny second. He steps away shaking his head, the door of the box is locked, he does take a picture tho, unusual to see something like that, it brought up feelings Y/n forgot he had.

"and who are you?" A voice behind him makes him flinch for a second, he never heard that voice before, Y/n turn around trying to go back to his stern look rather than the curiosity that made his face soften making him look like a kid.

"Is that yours?" Y/n asks crossing his arms, the man is wearing a big leather jacket and he's almost bald with a really noticeable nose, but overall he looks attractive Y/n has to be honest with himself

"answering a question with a question?" The man smirked in a sort of cheeky way, not arrogant even if it seemed that way

"avoiding to answer the question?" Y/n shot back tilting his head slightly, the man was a bit taller than him, probably much older, his eyes were at least, to the point where his face didn't match them.

"that is mine" the man answered in a calm tone, he looked weird tho, he didn't fit in properly, he was an english guy with a northern accent owner of a blue box in a hidden alley. Y/n looks at him suspiciously, his mind racing trying to think about what could be in that blue box, the most stupid reason comes to his mind but it's too late to stop his own mouth.

"what do you hide there? drugs? It won't take long for someone to notice it, it's a small town people talk." Y/n says looking around the alley but apparently there was nobody except for them, the man looks at Y/n puzzled and then speaks

"will you talk?" he asks waiting for an answer, Y/n raises his eyebrows, he was so weird, yet fascinating.

"no.." Y/n answers unsure looking between the man and that blue box

"great then, see ya" he says entering the blue box, but he leaves the door open, Y/n looks around the box, he hears noises coming from inside, he takes a look not sure what to expect but anything was better than the usual.

The blue box was bigger on the inside, Y/n couldn't believe his eyes, he steps in rapidly scanning the place and taking information, he processes everything as fast as he can but he feels his mind about to explode; the man is going around the console pressing buttons untill he notices the young man and smirks

"do you always come in when you're not invited?" he asks looking at Y/n with the same smug face as before

"do you always leave the door open for strangers?" He answers back quickly, too busy wondering around with his eyes to pay attention to the man

"this is the TARDIS, Time And Relative Dimension In Space" he explains crossing his arms and leaning on the console

"I was going to say bigger on the inside but.." Y/n starts to walk around biting his lower lip to think "maybe pocket dimension, this TARDIS is probably on another plane of existence or does it expand this one?" Y/n asks but wasn't waiting for an answer he just keeps thinking stopping sometimes humming a bit and then keeps talking

"if it travels in the fourth dimension, commonly known as time then it has the ability to change its weight and size...even appearance" he kept going mostly talking to himself

"it needs an incredible amount of power...a star maybe, a black hole even if less likely..fascinating tho, this can't be human and neither can you" He turns to the man who had a surprised look rather than a smug one, even a little bit amused by the man wondering around his TARDIS

"almost like uncanny valley just less scary I guess, my brain recognised you as an human being, yet something about you seemed off even if I couldn't recall what was it," Y/n affirms tilting his head to the side, that's what he always does when he's pointing out or suspecting something or at least that's what the man in the leather jacket noticed about him.

"so, what's your name?" he finishes getting closer to the man

"The Doctor" he answer with a tiny smirk crossing his arms in front of Y/n

"Doctor who?" Y/n asks raising his eyebrows, 'The Doctor' chuckles, he heard that question a lot Y/n thinks,

"just The Doctor" He says smiling at Y/n, a wide smile impressed by the younger man knowledge

"apparently you don't need me to explain how the TARDIS works.." he says while Y/n shrugs

"I failed physics 4 times, I know it by heart now" he explains in a low tone as if someone else could hear him and call him a nerd.

"you want to see it in action?" The Doctor says pressing some buttons as Y/n tryes to play it cool and hide the excitement

"is that even a question?" he just says screaming internally, finally something different, he can't believe he is leaving that small town, this can't be real, he might have bumped his head and now he's in coma.

"where are we going?" Y/n asks still focusing on the Doctor's movement, which buttons he presses and when, he can almost feel the levers and buttons under his fingers, he wants to drive the TARDIS, just to know how it feels like.

"anywhere you li-" as The Doctor tries to finish the sentence the TARDIS shakes making both of them fall to the ground, Y/n bumps his head as he groans in pain raising his hand to reach his head.

As the TARDIS stops Y/n stands up still holding his head massaging it and then turns to The Doctor with a stern look

"who gave you the licence, a fucking monkey? no not even a monkey, they would drive it better!" Y/n complains but the other man doesn't listen to him, instead he steps outside with a courious look on his face, Y/n follows him mumbling things under his breath

"we're in London?" he says looking around, Y/n scoffs

"anywhere in time and space and you bring me in London...in 2005!" he whines following the man in the city, Y/n clearly doesn't fit in, with his earrings and general piercings he looks like the lost member of the Tokyo Hotel however he tries to let the weird looks from the people slide for now,

"I didn't bring you here, the TARDIS brought us here for some reason," The Doctor answers

From that moment on things happen, they meet Rose,she's great and Y/n likes her. they fight with mannequins and a disgusting looking thing, Mickey is there too, not as great as Rose but whatever. It's time to go, Y/n knows the Doctor wants to take Rose with him, something is going on, it's clear in their eyes. Mickey is hiding behind a pallet, pathetic, Y/n thinks but doesn't say anything about it.

"a lot of good you were" Rose says looking at the man who's leaning on the TARDIS doorway, Y/n is outside, watching the scene carefully, his bleeding due to scratches on his face he tried to clean them with a tissue but that's what he gets for starting a fight with mannequins.

"Nestene Consciousness? Easy" he says with a smug smirk, Rose and Y/n let out a scoff

"you were useless in there, you'd be dead if it wasn't for me"

at the end of it Rose runs in the TARDIS, The Doctor smiles widely running to the console, even Y/n let's out a little smile looking at Rose, letting her know he's happy she came with them.

"Right then, Rose Tyler, you tell me. Where do you want to go? Backwards or fowards in time. It's your choice. What's it going to be?" The Doctor asks turning to Rose while Y/n quickly turns to him with a annoyed face,

" hey! what about me?" he says, after all he still didn't get a trip, or well he did but in London, 2005...that could've gone a bit better honestly.

"I don't talk to people with a black eye" he says turning to Y/n who mumbles "wait until I get you a black eye"

--

After the end of the earth, Y/n feels bad, mostly because Rose was so sentimental and sad of watching the earth get burned, he insisted watched, he watched with relief, the place that hurt him many many many years ago is burning down, he's watching it burn down. Rose calls her mom, she feels homesick, she doesn't want to look at it, Y/n tho he is watching every second of it, he's silent, his hands in his pockets, his face still bruised by the first trip, in his eyes the reflection of his world burning but no sign of sadness, to be clear no sign of anything. Rose's homesick, Y/n's home makes him sick.

The Doctor notice it, he sees the difference between his two new companions, he sees the difference in how they perceive things, when they killed Cassandra, Rose knew it was the right thing and maybe was even ok with it, Y/n wasn't, he glanced at The Doctor with rage and disappointment, how could he kill someone so easily? The Doctor tries to put a hand on Y/n shoulder but doesn't, instead Rose talks while watching the asteroids

"The end of the Earth. It's gone. We were too busy saving ourselves. No one saw it go. All those years, all that history, and no one was even looking. It's just" Rose stops not able to continue, The Doctor shifts his gaze from Y/n to Rose smiling as he easily understand her better than he can understand him.

"come with me" he says heading back to the TARDIS with rose following him, Y/n tho stays still amd that's when Rose notices the white knuckles of the man getting white while his fists get tighter,

"Y/n, you're coming?" she asks touching the man's arm lightly almost afraid, his hand relaxes as he looks at her trying to fake a calm expression as his gaze softens

"sure," he nods forcing his lips to curve in a smile.

They're back in London standing in the crowd, kids crying, people yelling and all that, Y/n sighs looking around, he doesn't understand if he's as relieved as Rose at the sight of normality but for now he turns to the other two as the Doctor begins to speak

"You think it'll last forever, people and cars and concrete, but it won't. One day it's all gone. Even the sky. My planet's gone. It's dead. It burned like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust before its time." he says opening up, Y/n remembers what they said, the last of his kind, he listens closely not talking or interrupting, he just listens to the man. 

"I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left travelling on my own 'cos there's no one else." he continues after Rose asked a few questions

"you have me, us" she corrects herself looking at Y/n, he looks at her and The Doctor nodding even if he knows it's not how Rose thinks, it's cute how she thinks that enough but it's not, The Doctor is alone, he doesn't have anyone to share his grief with, as much as we try no one could understand his feeling, he's alone, he will always be alone no matter how many companions he has no one will ever fill that void, Y/n knows as he looks in The Doctor's eyes and The Doctor knows too as he look at Y/n almost like he read his thoughts

"You've seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home?" The Doctor asks the both of them but mostly looking at Rose, she hesitates for a few second but before she can answer Y/n speaks

"I want chips, who's with me?" he says as the other two laugh and nod

"chips it is then" The Doctor says and Rose takes his arm looking up at him

"Right then, before you get me back in that box, chips it is, and you can pay." she says chuckling slightly flirting with the man

"no money" he answered and Y/n let's out a light scoff almost like a chuckle

"my treat," he says looking at the two

"see that's a gentleman" Rose jokes nudging The Doctor

"yeah, he almost won me" The Doctor says and Y/n winks at him

the three laugh heading to get chips before going back in the TARDIS for another adventure.

[raiphoria]

The Mastermind Behind It All | Abyss! Aether |

"Dainsleif," a calm voice suddenly piped up, capturing a tall blonde-haired male's attention.

"Aether, is there something wrong?" Dainsleif asked, looking down at his traveling companion.

Aether clutched his hands to his sides as he turned to look at the man that had been with him since the beginning.

"I plan on stepping away from traveling. I, however, do plan on watching over Khaenri'ah for the people's sake," Aether explained.

Dainsleif's eyes widened. "Why for their sake? What about yours?" He questioned.

Aether shook his head as he relaxed his figure and turned away. "My sake? It does not matter when you know who truly caused the downfall of Khaenri'ah," he retorted.

Dainsleif frowned heavily upon the male before him. "Are you sure about this? What about your twin? Your sister?"

Aether bit the inside of his cheek as he stared off into the distance. "Let her roam Teyvat and see the destruction that the so-called "Archons" had caused," he replied.

Aether then turned his head to look at Dainsleif with narrowed golden hues. "One day, she'll realize the horrible things that the Archons had done and done to Khaenri'ah and its people."

Dainsleif watched as the shorter male started to walk off in the direction of where a Cryo Abyss mage floated.

"You are nothing but an enemy to the Abyss and I, now leave," Aether ordered.

Dainsleif shook his head in disappointment as he disappeared into a portal that he was able to manifest.

"Let's get going, your Highness."

Aether tightened up his lips as he nodded his head in agreement.

The mage teleported them both out of the destination where they were hidden and made their way to the fallen nation of Khaenri'ah.

✧˖*°࿐

A figure with (H/c) locks reached a single (S/c) hand out as they lightly brushed their hand against floating debris.

Frowning, this figure furrowed their brows as they looked at the destroyed nation that they had called home.

"It... feels like the attack on Khaenri'ah just happened yesterday, even though it happened centuries ago," the figure mumbled under their breath.

A vibration in the wind caused this figure to turn their head and take notice of a familiar blonde.

(E/c) hues made contact with a set of golden before drifting off to the side.

The Abyss mage glanced at Aether for a few seconds before teleporting away.

Aether walked up to the figure who did their best to ignore him.

"(Y/n)," Aether said firmly.

(Y/n) glanced at the male as multiple shadows disappeared from their hidden figure.

With the shadows gone, Aether took in the familiar male that stood before him.

"Shouldn't you be out patrolling?" Aether asked in a semi-rude tone.

The (H/c)-haired male gave a sound of disappointment. "I already did that. I just got back barely an hour ago," (Y/n) retorted.

Aether lowly scoffed as he glanced up and down at the slightly taller figure before him.

Seeing the annoyed look that was being given to him, (Y/n) turned his full attention to the blonde and walked up to him.

(Y/n) reached a handout, and roughly snatched Aether's chin so that they could meet eye-to-eye.

"What's that scoff for, your Highness?" (Y/n) nicely asked, venom soaking into his words.

Aether gritted his teeth. "You and your silly stupid games," he answered.

(Y/n) raised a brow at the answer, immediately knowing that it was a lie.

"What stupid games are you speaking of? Do you remember who was able to place you in this position? Remember Aether... I may be a puppet, but I'm the true mastermind behind you and your own silly games."

(Y/n) allowed a Chesire-like smirk to crawl onto his lips, and pulled a flustered Aether closer to his face.

"You may not like it, but you belong to me and nobody else." (Y/n) whispered against Aether's ear before pulling away.

Releasing his grip on Aether's chin, (Y/n) teasingly snaked a finger up to the blonde-haired male's lips and just kept it there.

"The only reason why I haven't done anything is that I made a promise to keep you in line and to follow your every word."

[thatoneluckybee]

inaccurately assigning the sbg kids marina songs

Yes, I KNOW these are NOT the actual meanings of the music, nor are they even that accurate. But I am being self indulgent here and you can't stop me (:

Ashlyn Banner

Solitaire: A major part of her character is learning how to balance her introverted nature with opening up to others. I like how she isn't shamed for being a private person, though, just encouraged to give others a chance, so I'm giving her the song about that.

Oh No!: Ashlyn is a very confident person as far as we've seen (though there are still some insecurities she has to work through) who isn't going to change her entire self for some random kid. Oh No! fits that kinda in that Ashlyn has flaws, but she is aware of them and she decides what's worth trying to change.

Aiden Clark:

Too Afraid: Aiden. Buddy. CHILD. He is incredibly extroverted, outgoing, social, and tends to take up the spotlight wherever he goes. This isn't a bad thing in its own light, however we've seen that it's largely become a coping mechanism for him. This kid's mind is or at the very least WAS in a very dark place before, and it's being repressed largely (at least, that's what it seems like.)

Primadonna: Like the exact same thing as above. Takes up the spotlight because the minute you stop off the stage, what's left?

Ben Clark:

I Am Not a Robot: Ben is a very stoic-seeming character. We've gotten to know him and he's a gentle, kind-hearted, nervous, and sweet person, albeit one with astoundingly destructive and angry tendencies. A bit part of his character, to me, has been seeing him balance not allowing his rage to run away with him but also not bottling up until it overflows. He is NOT a robot.

Valley of The Dolls: Yeah this song's about a book I've never read so uhhhhh ANYWAYS. Ben's past self was ANGRY. He was hurt and upset. No matter how many people he fought, or how much it hurt, he couldn't feel better, if anything at all. There was an emptiness he couldn't heal. Maybe it's still there. But he's healing.

Logan Fields:

Karma: I think this song could fit his relationship with his bully (Baron or Barron? Can't remember how to spell it), especially in the arcade fight scene (LOVED IT). Baron has been getting away with horrific acts simply because nobody knew, but now that it's come to light, now that Logan is stronger, now that he has people in his corner, karma's coming.

The Family Jewels: I'm concerned about Logan's home life, honestly. We don't know (as far as I'm aware) why he lives with his grandparents. Did something happen to his parents? Is he an orphan? Is he not with them for another reason? Also, what's going on with his grandparents? Is it because they're florists that they have access to painkillers and sedative type drugs, or another reason?

Taylor Hernández:

Orange Trees: I don't even know. I just really like the song. And I really like Taylor. And i think she would vibe to it. Taylor has a really fun personality and I think this fits her.

Can't Pin Me Down: On a more serious note, oftentimes Taylor (by both characters and the fandom, myself included) is unfortunately reduced to "aww happygolucky bestgirl!" Especially after Tyler's tragedy, we've gotten to see a new side of her: fierce loyalty and pure anger that stems from her kindness. She's going off the rails and I LOVE this for her, but I can only hope she doesn't lash at out the wrong people.

Tyler Hernández:

Are You Satisfied?: Giving him one of my ALL TIME favorite songs! Since the death of their father, Tyler has been caring for both his mother and sister and keeping the household afloat effectively. Through this, my dude doesn't seem to know what it means to take a break. He needs one.

Highly Emotional People: Furthermore on that note, I can see Taylor saying these lyrics to her twin brother. Tyler has gotten to used to being the caregiver at such a young age he doesn't seem sure how to be cared FOR. My dude is repressing and lashing out and everything in a very unhealthy way. If anything good comes out of the tree kebab, it's forcing him to accept outside help and let others take on some burdens. We're highly emotional people, and everyone deserves to show that.

Anyways I didn't expect this to take so long to type :^

[psychdiarys]

You know, it's pretty interesting how Only Friends viewers have such a black-and-white perception of the characters, that they can excuse anything the "good ones" do & show no mercy to the "bad ones" when they're wronged.

Like Mew, Nick, and Sand are seen as these innocent victims, while Top and Boston are labelled as the ultimate villains. Even Ray, who's far from perfect, gets a bit of a pass.

But let's face it, none of these characters are faultless. Yes, when they make mistakes or hurt others, it often stems from their own pain and brokenness (which is very human of them).

Boston, on the other hand, seems to do terrible stuff seemingly unprovoked, making it hard to empathize or forgive him? I guess this is why Boston bears the brunt of all the hate.

Most of these characters are flawed but are seemingly good people who do bad things. Meanwhile, Boston acknowledges his bad boy image, and he doesn't pretend otherwise. He owns his asshole-ness.

But when you look at everything he's done, like his whole thing with Nick, he's been pretty upfront about it. He made it clear that they're just friends-with-benefits and nothing more. He's honest about seeing other guys too, although he does sweet-talk Nick into feeling special.

But if we compare, Ray's not much different with Sand, minus the playboy aspect. Ray got close to Sand, led him on, but went to Mew as soon as he got the chance. He only comes to Sand when he's lonely. In fact, even after getting to know Sand's story, he said hurtful things to him.

But because Ray's got a load of trauma and self-destructive tendencies, we're more inclined to understand him, while we know nothing about Boston's past to redeem his behavior.

What makes Boston seem even worse is that Nick is way more obsessed with him than Sand is with Ray. I mean, Sand genuinely cares for Ray, so it's heartbreaking to see how Ray treats him. But because Nick is down atrocious & was probably way more hurt, Boston seems like the bigger dick in comparison.

Also, the night when Boston ruined the get-together at Sand & Nick's place by spilling the beans about Ray still loving Mew? Yeah, we hated that cause everyone was having a good time & it was none of his business to meddle in their relationship. 

But guess what, Ray did the same thing at Mew's party, exposing all his friends & ruining the birthday celebration.

Like yes, he was angry because he bears a one-sided love toward Mew so it seemed unfair to find out he's getting cheated on by the man he chose over him. But he publicly made a scene & even involved Cheum & April who had nothing to do with any of it.

It's just that Ray did it out of love & anger while Boston did it unprovoked. So Ray can get a pass but Boston definitely doesn't. 

Now, definitely the worst thing Boston ever did was hooking up with his friend's almost-boyfriend. That was a terrible betrayal, no doubt. He may not have done it to hurt Mew but he did it out of jealousy and the need to feed his own superiority complex, with zero excuses or remorse.

But as bad as that was, there's no excuse for him being illegally recorded having sex, not once, but twice, without his consent.

That's a cybercrime, plain and simple. Nick had no right to record Boston, especially because they weren't even dating? It's not like Boston was cheating on him because he never implied they were exclusive.

And then Sand stealing the video and everyone passing it around? Aren't they all cybercriminals for spreading around an illegal sex tape?

And how come nobody condemns Mew's threat to post Boston's non-consensual sex tape as revenge porn? Like I've seen people say "If I were Mew I would have posted it". HELLO? NO. That's .... not okay.

People are so blindsided by their hate for Boston that they don't see it as a violation.

Like I'm glad that Mew DIDN'T post it but threatening to show it to his dad, who may not even know Boston is gay? That's EVIL.

Not to mention, how Mew burnt the sketch Top made him in front of him, despite KNOWING he has fire-related trauma?

Like listen, I get Mew. His boyfriend cheated on him with one of his best friends; that's definitely the worst betrayal ever. So I GET him, we all get him. But if we can understand & excuse his actions, why can't we spare a little bit of that understanding towards Boston (or Top)?

Nobody calls out the cybersexual harassment against Boston because he's seen as a "fuckboy" who deserves it. Being a slut is obviously the worst thing a human can be.

Like, everything Boston did in this show is immoral, no doubt. But the others have committed not just immoral but illegal acts, all in the name of revenge or love or hurt.

So, while I won't argue that Boston is a first-rate jerk and a terrible friend who can't be excused for his actions, we've got to admit that he's not any worse than the other characters. 

Maybe it's because we haven't seen his side of the story, it's hard to empathize with him. 

Regardless, I think that disliking Boston for being a jerk AND realising that he doesn't deserve to be violated or cybercrimed are two things that can exist at the same time. That's my take on this.

[kuriboo]

My mental health has been really bad for the past like week or maybe even two to where my anxiety is really high and I keep having flashbacks to like two years ago

And it's. I can't keep myself off twitter as a side effect and it's actually kind of gross. Twitter's gross and toxic and I don't even want to be on there

It's related to accusations against a certain youtuber. And it's like. I was never extremely into the guy's content. He got me into animal crossing and splatoon, and my interest in either waxes and wanes. He's on a collab channel I was more into for a while, but he was my least favorite of the three. I think I saw myself in him a little too much in a bad way. I saw my flaws and flinched away. It didn't help that he was also noticeably really mean to some people, and back then we didn't know what the dynamics were really like off camera or if it was jokingly or what, but even if it was "joking" it could still hurt and I was really sensitive to that.

It's not really so much of me putting the guy on a pedestal that's wounded me. If that's all it was, well, I'm nobody, and talking about it wouldn't matter. I'd get over it. Whether the accusations are true or not isn't really my place to comment on. This is really not what's eating at me

It's the initial allegation and how it was presented

And I feel really guilty over this because yes victims should be listened to and believed. Just because the accused has a lot of fans doesn't make him automatically innocent and yadda yadda.

But if we ignore the shoe rp part of the situation (wild sentence, i know), a lot of it really comes down to boundaries not being established and misunderstandings, which is part of what happened to me a year and a half ago or so

Because the boundary wasn't established then, either. Keep coming to me for help, I was told, I'm here and I'll listen, talk to me. And I did.

There was also the fact that this person who used to talk to me constantly really suddenly pulled away and we barely talked and we used to talk about their aus and ideas and they started talking only to other people instead about that and that, uh, was really painful to adjust to as well. It was on me for putting too much care into that friendship and for thinking I mattered or something, but that's neither here nor there.

Point is, I did go to them to talk when I wasn't doing well because they told me to. There was no boundary established on that so I kept doing it

I crossed a boundary that was never outlined to me and I was yelled at and lashed out at for it during a really low period in my life.

So I, uh, tried to respect what was happening and stopped. We stopped talking altogether for a bit, the other person saying they needed a break, and I respected that. In the meantime, they went behind my back and tried to turn friends against me. Things started gradually getting better, we played a game with some friends together, it was looking up. We stopped playing for the night and they said goodnight, see you tomorrow :)

I thought it was getting better

Next day, I was kicked from several servers we shared and they sent me an essay on why they never wanted to hear from me again. During the middle of my shift at work, I read this during my lunch break and had to work half a shift feeling like that

I've blocked that person on every platform I can think of and made no attempts to communicate with them since. If they want to ever talk again, they have to reach out to me, because they set that boundary and I'm respecting it.

There's a lot of nuance and detail missing from this. I did a lot of things wrong. This is no callout post, I am not naming names, I am just airing my feelings because bottling things up is not healthy and I've been doing that for like a week and I am self destructing. I am not comfortable talking to people one on one on this, and this is my personal blog, so I'm just talking to the void.

So let me relate this back to the topic: initial allegations against youtuber. Ignoring the shoe rp, it boiled down to miscommunication and boundaries that weren't established being crossed and leading to someone lashing out.

Which feels very similar to what happened to me a year ago

And I've been trying to heal from that. I'm trying to do better and be better.

But this whole situation is a huge reminder of all that pain I went through, and just makes me feel like I could be called out at anytime. It wouldn't be undeserved, but it would kill me.

"You're empathizing too much with a sexual groomer" yeah okay whatever

I'm in a lot of pain right now and it hasn't gotten much better in the past week. Knowing now the youtuber is out of the hospital helps a little, but I'm pained and terrified.

I don't want this to cause worry. I'm not, this point on, going to do anything to myself

I'm trying very hard to be kind to myself

I am simply saying words so I'm not bottling this up so much anymore. I don't want to talk about this to anyone, so this is the best I'm getting on that front

It's late so I'm not explaining myself well. I've been so stressed.

If anyone's reading this, please be kind to the people around you. Kindness is a great gift

[summeroffice]

Latynina Day 541

1:43 Unfortunately, we, you know, have been playing this game for a long time, to believe in illusions, well, it starts from childhood when you believe in the legendary Santa Claus.

6:10 I'm just a supporter of what, I'm a supporter of two things in public discussion. Well, if we are talking about media. I'm a supporter of, first, quality work with non-anonymous sources, that is, you take a speaker, if he's ready to announce certain figures, say, we have analysed, I'm such and such general X, it doesn't matter which side, either United States or Ukraine, I will tell you the numbers, here they are calculated, here's a mathematical analysis, and so on. Then it suits me.

And the second part that I wanted is just the same discussion when you ask painful questions, well, difficult questions and the speaker answers them so that there is no censorship even during the war because today it is impossible to keep information under control taking into account social networks. This, by the way, is one of the key scourges of modern civilisation in my opinion, which will lead to dire consequences along with artificial intellect. Well, while we still have time. Therefore I would like--

Social networks? Mykhailo…

I think social networks are artificial intelligence. In this mixture it seems to me that--

You really almost sound like Putin's security site, they say the same thing.

No, no, no. Look--

I'm joking. I actually agree with you.

Putin's security site says that you can keep under control what is naturally natural. I understand that social networks will no longer be driven back. They will only scale, appear all the time and it would be good for them to compete, there would be some different platforms. It will be so in the end, but nevertheless, taking into account what a social network is, for me a social network is always, or rather, very often, a manifestation of incompetence raised to an aggresive tone.

I call this a place of manifestation of gyrostratic complexes, like typical complexes, right, but in this case a gyrostratic complex, a person who cannot competently functionally realise himself somewhere, he necessarily enters social networks. If he's at least a little passionate, that is, he has some kind of tendency to scale some topics and then he will be extremely negative and destructive and accordingly, there will always be some number of people supporting and scaling it, this desire to destroy something, because look, you are doing it wrong, you're generally bad, you are nobody at all and I don't even understand what you are at all, this is how you need to do it.

The most interesting thing is that when you later take these people and offer them, would you like to take responsibility, personally, under your last name and do this work: no, I don't want to, because you are wrong but I will look that you did it. This is what social networks are. But it's not for you and I to regulate it, this is an illusion, an illusion that authoritarian countries always try to implement, this concept of a Big Brother, right. But it's an illusion, even in 1930s, you remember, 1930s and 1940s authoritarian systems did not keep information under control all the time.

10:00 I was very intrigued by the phrase that you invited someone and offered to work. Can you be more specific?

No, I constantly always suggest many people to work, those people who decide for themselves to manifest their painful… By the way, I call social networks a place of manifestation of the painful I. You think that you are better than anyone, right, and you are absolutely right. By the way, I don't remember, in Stanford or where an experiment was conducted where they took a group of 10 people, 2 stripes were drawn on the board, one large and the other shorter, and in this experiment, you remember, if 9 people say they're the same size, then the tenth, 67 or 73 per cent of those people who were tested, I mean those who didn't understand what's going on, they adhered to the position of the majority, right. Although the eyes show them that the stripes are obviously different. Even eyes sometimes let people down.

Therefore, in social networks, about 5-6 per cent probably is real information that really requires a thorough analysis, and the rest is, I emphasise again, the manifestation of painful I, and unfortunately when a person has an overly exaggerated opinion of himself, that is, they don't look at themselves from the side, this is the main problem of modern humanity, it's hard to stand and look from the side, are you really what you think of yourself, according to the requirements of time, and as a rule, people do not want to take a look at themselves, it's easier for them to evaluate others.

And then weak people, you're absolutely right, it's such a circle, we even have a name for it, in Ukraine it's called jackal express, who come into any topic and start to hate a person as cruelly as possible. Basically, this is a feature of social networks.

52:41 People always listen half-heartedly, then begin to misinterpret.

[karenarella22]

Eighth II.

This charpter contains Graphic Content, read it at your own risk.

***

-Sir, this is not a coincidence, it has to be related- I comment after presenting my case before him.

-Considering the evidence collected, it's not such a far-fetched idea, detective, are you sure your hypothesis may be correct?- I roll my eyes at his question.

-Why is everyone asking me the same thing over and over again? Yes, sir, I am completely sure that my hypothesis is correct- I insist.

-Okay, tomorrow morning we will issue the orders to speak with the relatives, but if you think about it, what does Conte have to do with all this?-

-I don't know, it's not as easy as going to ask him- I bite my fingernails. Recurring practice when anxiety overwhelms me.

-Maybe not Conte, but Father Mario is still detained in the dungeons we could talk to him and try to get a description of the group leader-

-Let's go right now- the three of us headed to the dungeon area, where prisoners awaiting trial are forced to wait. We walk through the narrow and gloomy corridors, just as the guards are changing their shift so that blue uniforms move from here to there. The blow of a solid body collides with mine and knocks me to the side of the corridor.

-I'm sorry- the guy continues walking without the need to apologize, he just keeps walking as if nothing had happened. It is normal for these gorillas to ignore good or evil for the other, I always knew that in this "man's world" where women were only destined to serve coffee it was not going to be easy, but that does not mean that I was going to give up at first and 10 years later as an officer and detective I still haven't.

We arrive at the cell to find another one of these scenes so destructive to the human soul that it doesn't even surprise me anymore.

The guard informed us of what had happened and they quickly opened the cell for us.

-How is it possible that this happened? I want an ambulance here right now and the total lockdown of this police station, nobody enters or leaves, there is a murderer in our ranks, gentlemen, look for him now! - The sergeant orders with a smoker's voice and everyone begins with their assignments.

I approach the figure of the father; there are lacerations all over his body and a deep cut in his throat, most likely the cause of his death. I leave the cell, leaving the body to be searched, and return to my office followed by the two men who accompanied me earlier.

-In my own police station, who would dare to do something like that? - He comments as he goes from one side to the other.

-I don't know how this can happen right under our noses but we must end this once and for all, this is personal-

-Hey...- the two men are still immersed in their discussion- hey! - I call their attention- we have a serious problem- I murmur without looking at them.

-Another detective, please, enough with the ones we already have...-I take a handkerchief and hand them the newspaper that is on my desk, a new edition that I clearly didn't buy. On the front page they can read...

"...for me the condemned race goes, justice encouraged in my sublime architect..."

This is the message found next to the body of the dearest Mario Vega, better known as Father Mario, our sources reveal that the message was found next to the body of the deceased who ceased to exist in circumstances that even the relevant authorities do not want to admit... could there be a murderer among the police ranks of NewShire? Ladies and gentlemen citizens, can we trust the police to keep us safe?

-It has tomorrow's date... but it is not possible that they have printed it yet-

-He was here... Conte was in my office- I scan the place as if somehow he could still be hiding somewhere.

-Besides that the information is wrong, it was not next to the body, it had never been there- I see the two men.

-This bastard is playing with us- Dylan growls annoyed.

-I think it's a good time to bring him to the police station- announces the Sergeant.

-Perfect, I'm going to participate in the arrest- I run to the other side of the room.

-Of course not-the boss firmly reprimands- you will accompany Dylan, do not touch anything, I repeat, absolutely nothing remember that you are committed to this and everything you touch will be inadmissible in court, you cannot touch single thing- he points with his accusing finger and resigned seat , this is better than standing here staring at the wall until they come back. After a little talk with the tactical group of the station we went to the patrol.

Once we arrived at the journalist's property, we got out of the vehicles and prepared our bulletproof vests.

-I'm not comfortable with you being here, you shouldn't come into the house, let us do this...- Dylan murmurs, helping me put on my bulletproof vest.

-Don't start, it didn't bother you that I was in a raid before that kiss- I check the 9mm and keep it in the holster on my waist.

-I always worried, only now I can tell you- he grabs me by the waist kissing me passionately in front of the whole police station- don't leave my side, understood?- I laugh silly.

-Yes sir- I hold my hair in a high ponytail so it doesn't bother my face- I won't touch anything, I promise- I arrange my equipment.

-We are ready to enter- we nodded in response and began the operation.

Two groups of 4 members fan out around the house covering the sides and back of the place as Dylan and I walk out onto the porch.

-On my signal- I draw the gun holding it in the gun in hand- 3, 2, 1 now! - The brown-haired man opens the door with a bang- City police, is there anyone here? - I walk through the house in the dark the footsteps of the officers are heard at the back of the house.

-Aeryne, there doesn't seem to be anyone home- he walks out of the kitchen, holstering er gun.

-Good morning officers- we point to the voice that appears behind us.

-Vinicio Conte, you are under arrest for multiple counts of murder, attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder-I inform him as Dylan places the handcuffs on him, the penetrating gaze of the Italian who allows himself to be handcuffed without even saying a word penetrates the depths of my mind Bringing back memories that I thought I had buried forever, an arrogant smile forms on his face as he identifies the terror he causes on my face.

Back at the station, the detainee is taken to the interrogation room.

-Sir, everything is ready, in a few minutes we will begin with the interrogation- I comment entering the office with the case file.

-I'm sorry detective but you are not going in that interrogation room-

-Sir... I'm the best person to question him, I know his tricks and I have a connection that I can exploit to get information out of him-I plead.

-That is precisely why you detective is not going in there, you're is too involved with the detainee, you partner will do it and it is a decision made not to argue- He gives me one last look before leaving.

I lean back on the table and cross my arms in front of my body defensively.

-I'm sorry doll, but you know it's for the best- I sigh trying not to blurt out the insults that want to come out of my lips.

-Is that supposed to comfort me? - He tries hard not to laugh.

-No- he smiles sideways and approaches leaving a kiss on my forehead- have fun with the evidence- he walks away not holding it back.

-Of course I didn't want to question him- I turn frustrated to see the boxes with the evidence brought from Conte's vineyard.

I open box by box checking each piece of paper in them. There are receipts from restaurants, drafts of some reports and numbers of some sources and practically the entire library that I saw the night I visited his house.

I keep going through the books, many of them have hand written sentences all over, some more than others. I take the one at the bottom of the box that catches my attention.

"Divine Comedy" can be read on the cover of it, I open the leather relic that caught my attention that night at the journalist's house, like the previous books there are pages marked and written by hand and I read a few paragraphs...

I run through the police station under the gaze of all the officers on duty and burst into the interrogation regardless of the consequence.

-Aeryne what...- my partner gets up from the chair and tries to block my way, I push him out of the way.

-Dante's inferno- I leave the book in front of Vinicio.

-At last detective, I was beginning to wonder when you were going to stop by- a sly smile appears on his lips.

-The Divine Comedy, how could I not have noticed before? - I walked around the room under the eyes of the two men.

-Aeryne get out of here right now- my partner intervenes.

-The circles of hell Conte, gluttony, anger, sloth-

-I know the detective book, it has been part of my library for many years- he answers complacently.

-That's how Dylan!! think about it for a second and you'll see that I'm right-

-This interrogation ends here, gentlemen- an elderly man enters, corpulent, with wide shoulders hidden in a black wool jacket and a matching briefcase.

- Who says? - I stand in front of the man ready to fight with anyone who crosses my path.

-Mr. Conte's lawyer- unceremoniously, they take my arm and I am pulled out of the interrogation room.

-Have you gone crazy? - he whispers yelling.

-We have him Dylan, he is to blame for all this theater-I run to the evidence room, take a fiber and write on the blackboard under the gaze of my partner.

"For me you go to the city of tears; for me you go to eternal pain; through me one goes towards the condemned race; justice animated in me, sublime architect, made me the divine power, the supreme wisdom, and the first love. Before me there was nothing created except the eternity and I last eternally. Oh you who enter here abandon all hope!"

-This is why it was so familiar to me- I smile satisfied- we have it Dylan-

-We must determine who the material authors of the crimes were- he completes- but we have them Aeryne- celebrates excitedly.

-I don't think so, detectives- a voice interrupts our atmosphere charged with adrenaline- come with me Wolf-

-What for sir?- He enters the office.

-Just come and you will understand why-

I walk following in his footsteps, once in the office I see Vinicio's defense attorney standing next to his client. The man looks at me accusingly while Conte looks straight ahead totally serene.

-Are you calm detective? - the lawyer comments, mocking.

-What are we doing here?-I ask sharply.

-According to the statements of the accused, you were at his house a few days ago and asked him to write a newspaper article with the aim in catching the murderer in your investigation. What do you have to say about that?-

-That the accusations of this man are totally false- I look up.

-Come on, Aeryne; is that how you want to play this? - Conte intervenes.

-I hadn't seen you except here at the station sir- I answer back.

-We also met at Edward Johnson's house, remember?-

-I can't remember something I didn't experience, lawyer, find a better defense for your client than this one, smearing my name won't help you get him out of jail- I cross my arms defensively.

-Detective you never get tired of lying...-

-Enough, gentlemen, if you don't have concrete evidence to accuse my detective, I advise you to retire, lawyer, and come back when you find something concrete- the boos opens the door inviting them to leave.

The lawyer walks out accompanied by a policeman who will transfer his client to a cell.

-You know that hitting the ego of a lawyer is never good right?-

-I know, but you could have said something if you started arguing with him, the less information you give the better- he lies down in his chair again.

-Know this beforehand, the one who they are after is me, my career is at stake- I comment sitting in front of him- we must do something sir-

-I don't know, worry detective, I'll solve this-

-I hope he does because if I fall, I'll make sure I don't fall alone- I leave the office and return to Dylan determined to find evidence to convict this murderer.

[stellocchia]

I think it's been more than two months since I pushed my "Wilbur is remembered far more competent than he is" agenda in your asks.

So let's rectify that, shall we?

Wilbur is pretty fucking incompetent. He's never been that amazing charismatic smooth talker we characterize him as (not that I'm not absolutely behind that too)

Like. Who did he ever successfully smoothtalk? The Lmanbergians? None of them were ever hesitant to join from the very beginning and Eret betrayed them pretty easily when Dream manipulated them.

Techno? Techno wanted to join them, he was the one who reached out to them. There was no convincing needed and Wilbur never convinces Techno of anything Techno wasn't already willing to do by himself.

Dream? Definitely not during the revolution and Dream's support during Pogtopia was Dream following his own agenda, not being influenced by Wilbur in any way.

He couldn't even get Quackity to let him into Las Nevadas.

Nah, the only person Wilbur ever smooth talked is TommyInnit. The fucking powerhouse of this cell. And even that's not completely true. Tommy hasn't been convinced by Wilbur of anything since the very beginning of the Lmanberg revolution. Not during Pogtopia. And not even now (it's not smooth talking if it's just exploiting mental exhaustion and trauma and all that. Tommy isn't convinced of what they're doing.)

Really. Not even Tommy, per se.

He just got Tommy extremely loyal and attached to him.

And honestly, that's all he needs.

You don't need to have influence over everyone, you just need to have strong influence over the right person.

And that's what Wilbur had and has.

Wilbur's accomplishments are just pretty much him having a vision and Tommy throwing himself at it to make it come true.

Wilbur had the idea for L'manberg but Tommy was the one leading the troops. Tommy was the one who negotiated for their independence and got it when Wilbur was negotiating their surrender. Tommy was the one who FOR NO REASON built the escape tunnel they escaped through when Dream blew up L'manberg and he was the one who built the lil panic room at the end. Tommy was the one who's home became the embassy to L'manberg (something Wilbur very much pressured and kinda manipulated him into btw. I'm never not gonna mention that lil detail when the embassy comes up)

Wilbur had the idea and stood around looking pretty. My guy literally stood around looking pretty, without armor, during battles. Just. I love him.

And let's not forget that Tommy was fckin great at being the general. The SMP was so much better equipped and still, L'manberg was kinda winning. To the extend that Dream saw the need for TnT (which was hidden) and the betrayal through Eret (which was hidden)

Dream felt the need to pull two deceitful moves to keep if not even gain the upper hand.

If I'm not mixing stuff up here, correct me if I'm wrong.

And stuff like the tunnel weren't even expected of Tommy. My boy just thought of that on his own and did it on his own. Noone knew it existed. Noone expected it to exist.

After independence Wilbur is implied to have been leading but he generally wasn't around too much. Tommy was keeping order in the more face to face kinda way. He tried to navigate people's personal conflicts and make sure things didn't escalate and just. He did so well.

And Pogtopia? Oh, Pogtopia.

It's a bit more difficult here, since they were no longer on exactly the same side and goals are more muddled but still.

(and I want to make it clear that I'm in no way trying to shame Wilbur for mental health issues or anything. This isn't about that. I'd never fucking even imply that)

Tommy kept morale high. He made sure that other people were fine, when there was a chance. He tried to reassure Wilbur when Wilbur was spiraling, he asked Tubbo if he was happier, he told Tubbo to be safe, he recruited Quackity when he saw the chance while making sure that Quackity's intentions were sincere enough (he didn't just naively offer Quackity a place in Pogtopia and risk it being a trap).

He avoided any kind of destruction to L'manberg as much as possible.

He rallied people.

Really, his one actual flaw was not "turning" on Wilbur. His unwillingness to give up on him or even just incapacitate him or limiting his ability to act as he wanted was what ended up costing him everything. His unwillingness to interfere with Wilburs plans beyond talking to him and threatening him with a crossbow that one time ended up making the 16th possible. And he can hardly be blamed for that.

And Wilbur, during Pogtopia... Well... Nobody liked him, he made everyone uncomfortable and most people just kinda tolerated him because... Yeah...

Without Tommy troop morale would have been abysmal thanks to Wilbur. He constantly put himself and his side down, labeling them as villains and thus morally inferior. He pitted his own people against each other, spread paranoia between his people. No communication or actually planning involving other people. Still refused to wear armor.

And don't get me wrong, that's the point. He wasn't on their side. Obviously Tommy added more to their victory, Wilbur didn't want their victory. But still I just wanna praise my boy Tommy, he was. So amazing. Boy fucking peaked.

He's so good in tactical warfare or whatever you call it.

And I wanna just make it clear that this isn't criticism of Wilbur. Not at all. This isn't criticism at all. This is just about the big fanon perception of Wilbur as this great and mature leader.

Tbh this is actually more about showing people how amazing Tommy was and PLEASE I WANT FICS TO HAVE TOMMY BE MORE OF AN EFFECTIVE POWERHOUSE

Regarding my former ask I just wanted to clarify again that I'm not trying to critique Wilbur or anything.

It's really just that I think it's hilarious how people remember him as way more put together and competent than he really was.

-

Yeah, honestly one of the biggest disservice people have done to c!Tommy in this fandom is fail to portray him as the badass general that he actually was. Like, sure, Wilbur's title was as "general", but he never did anything for it. He gave a few speeches, but then the work was left up to Tommy. Like, genuinely, rewatch the Eret betrayal vod, Wilbur says it openly that he's leaving it in Tommy's hands. And Tommy does manage to lead his troops into an advantageous position! They get their enemies to retire at one point during the very first battle!

Then, of course, there is the betrayal, but, once again, Tommy didn't give up. He built the tunnel for their scuffed escape beforehand and, when everyone was just about ready to give up, he went against Dream in a duel and then traded the discs for their independence without loosing a beat.

Tommy was a BIG asset during that war!

Wilbur mostly was and still is kind of a wreak. And it's not his fault, 'cause mental health is an absolute bitch and he wasn't doing too hot after the war, then it got worse with Pogtopia and even worse during the 13 years in Limbo. And now we are where we are now with Wilbur being... not a great individual.

But still! In Pogtopia Tommy was the de-facto leader. And yeah, that was because Wilbur wasn't on their side anymore, but they didn't entirely know that. Or didn't wanna see that.

Tommy himself was hoping that Wilbur would "come back around" if he managed to get back their country. That was a big motivator for him. And he did everything that was in his power to do to not lose either Wilbur or L'Manburg. He tried talking to Wilbur multiple times, tried persuading him that there was another way, he never bought into Wilbur's ideals, he recruited people and he lead the troops once again. It wasn't Techno that lead the troops (despite him being a much better fighter) it was Tommy. And once everything was exploded and Techno and Wilbur betrayed them? Well he kept encouraging people. Literally I'm begging everyone to watch that vod! Tommy was there at every step of the way, telling Niki that it wasn't over, telling Quackity to keep fighting and, after that, you know who was there to validate Tubbo's presidency? To rally people behind him? It wasn't Tubbo. Tommy gathered everyone by the L'Mantree and got their spirits high once again.

He is just genuinely amazing.

And, like, yeah now Wilbur managed to manipulate Tommy to an extent to be by his side. But that's not that much of an accomplishment anymore because Tommy has just been through so much that he's exhausted now, as you said. Like, remember when Tommy said he wanted to be on Wilbur's side because "he gets things done"? Well, I'm still waiting to see that one honestly...

[zealousniaz]

🃏 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔲𝔢 🃏

❝𝓆𝓊𝒾 𝓉𝑜𝓉𝓊𝓂 𝓋𝓊𝓁𝓉 𝓉𝑜𝓉𝓊𝓂 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒹𝒾𝓉❞

ℤ 𝔸 𝕐 ℕ

POWER. MONEY. VENGEANCE.

They all have something in common.

Each one is of an insidious nature. Leisurely degrading the most righteous and twisting them to be dangerous, destructive, and cold individuals.

Truthfully, I'd never pondered it much—the idea of how quickly trauma can change someone—but experience alters how we as humans think about certain concepts and how we decipher particular circumstances. The brain is a complicated fucking thing.

Perhaps this is why stories are written of angels and demons. Of good versus evil. Heroes and villains.

But what if you think you know who the bad guy is and you're wrong? What if you knew the whole story? Motives and intentions? Would it change your attitude about the person you'd always thought was the wrongdoer?

Is the villain really the villain? Is the hero really the hero? Would it not depend on who's telling the story?

What if everyone was bad in their own way?

Humans are incredibly selfish beings. We want and we take. We turn the other cheek to horrors happening every day because they aren't happening directly to us. We're greedy and we're constantly looking out for number one—ourselves.

Which is only what I was doing as I climbed the ladder.

The people standing around me are doing their best to do the same. To have some sort of status, power, or wealth so that when they enter a room, everyone pauses. They want all the attention to be on them.

I know it well. Each space I enter, I don't have to say a word. Their heads all turn like they're trained to do so. It's a combination of respect, curiosity, and utter terror.

As I glance at Raven beside me, she's the epitome of beauty. She's held the attention of every man and most women in here and she doesn't appear to have any clue about it.

Good thing she's all mine.

Raven is wearing an exquisite black gown with a massive skirt. It's sleeveless, with a high collar that wraps delicately around her neck. The mouthwatering part of it is that there's a slit down the middle of the bust of it—the shape of an eye, if it were twisted vertically—exposing the sides of her breasts in the most elegant, yet sensual way I think I've ever been lucky enough to witness.

As she sits beside me, finishing her dinner, memories of past galas flood my mind. Of Raven in a dress with a thigh-high slit. Of me, discreetly pulling the table cloth over her lap, urging her legs apart and finger fucking her while nobody was the wiser.

Leaning over to close the space between us, I place one hand to her knee as my mouth is hot against the shell of her ear. "We should get out of here." As I speak, my one hand grips her thigh through the skirts of her dress.

I'm done socializing with these pretentious fucks. I'm over it.

I see her chest tighten as she holds her breath, "You don't want to dance?" She wets her lips, sipping on her vodka tonic as a distraction.

I smirk against the curve of her neck, "No, I want you naked and bent over. I want my dessert."

To anyone else, she barely reacts. But I see the way her sinful lips curl around the edge of the glass. Feel the way she presses her thighs together, pinching my hand between them. Her heartbeat, as it begins to visibly thrum at the hollow of her throat.

She tosses the remainder of her drink down, turning in her chair to grip my jaw in her hand and brush her mouth over mine. "Good. Let's go." She gives me a lingering kiss—a hint of what's coming later—and then I stand, helping her up off her chair.

As we begin to exit the gala, my hand rests on the small of her back possessively. We pass table after table until we finally make it to the main entrance of the building, heading for the elevators that will take us to the hotel room I've rented for the night.

Nearing the large doors on the far side, I hit the call button and we stand together. One of my hands glides low on her back, grabbing a palmful of ass, a territorial type of touch that brands Raven as mine for everyone else to see right in the lobby, in front of multiple wandering eyes.

I press her pelvis close to mine, a promise of what's to come.

When we step in the elevator, Raven and I lean against opposite ends of the small space. After pressing the button to our floor, the doors close and we begin the ascent, never taking our eyes off one another.

My eyes trail down her body, heated—no mistake in what my gaze is conveying.

Raven brushes some of her dark hair off her shoulder, exposing the succulent hollow of her neck. When she sensually moves a leg forward, it lifts the hem of her dress, revealing part of her smooth leg and the heels that decorate her feet—black, with a gold snake that wraps delicately around her slim ankles.

I wet my lips at the sight. When we get home, I'm going to bend her over the edge of the mattress and fuck her in those heels.

"Zayn—"My name is a purr on her gorgeous, red-stained lips.

I get one step towards her before the elevator dips and the doors open to reveal a man waiting to step on. He gives me a small smile when our eyes meet and I move slightly closer to Raven, putting myself between the two of them.

I observe him press the button for his floor—one above ours—and then he stands with his back towards us, watching the numbers rise as we begin to ascend once again. A flutter of unease ripples through me. Something isn't right about this guy.

The first thing that catches my interest is his suit—there are wrinkles on the edges of the collar of his shirt. The fabric, an inexpensive cotton that he probably purchased at the local retail store, sticks out like a sore thumb.

His haircut looks like he got it done at the mall. The edges aren't clean and I can see a few strands his hairdresser miraculously missed. Even his beard doesn't look good. It doesn't appear moisturized in any way, like he's never heard of or touched beard oil. That's what happens when you pay less than ten dollars for a service.

Even his dress shoes are faux leather. I can see the synthetic, odd texture to them. Mine are an expensive vegan leather and there's a good chance they're more than thirty times the cost of his.

He fidgets with his watch—clearly a knockoff Rolex. Not only is he cheap and has bad taste, but he's comfortable with portraying himself as someone he isn't. Wearing clothes that he believes makes him resemble someone with money. In reality, someone with cashflow—in other words, me—can spot the difference immediately.

It only makes him about as smooth and acrid as wine from a ten-dollar bottle that every single person in the ballroom would've spit out.

I know he's going to strike on us, I don't know when. It's been evident as fuck since he walked in here.

Not wanting Raven to get hurt in what's about to happen, I turn towards her, wrapping a hand around her waist to descend my mouth upon hers. She gasps, surprised as I grip the back of her head, her body melting into mine as I deepen the kiss, backing her up as I do so.

When her shoulders hit the elevator wall, the hand I had threaded in the hair at the base of her skull travels forward to her jaw, using a finger to tip her chin up so she can meet my height. I give her one final kiss, retracting to meet her eyes in a warning gaze.

She nods her head the slightest bit—only enough that I can barely see it myself—cradling my jaw in one hand to press her mouth to mine quickly.

Releasing her body, I adjust the rings on my fingers, ensuring the sharpest parts are facing outwards and then I spin on my heel to ram my fist into his cheek. However, he senses it, turning at the last moment to dodge my swing.

Stepping forward with all the power I can muster, I shove him up against the wall of the elevator, bringing my knee up into his stomach. He groans, instantly clutching his abdomen as he bends over. While he's attempting to soothe the ache, I raise my knee into his head, listening to the crack as my joint hits the cartilage of his nose.

Bending down, I reach into the pockets of his cheap ass suit, pulling out a switchblade. I then carefully pat along his body, checking for other weapons as he spits blood onto the flooring.

His blade in one hand, I use the other to grip his greasy hair, yanking his head back. When his watering eyes meet mine, I see the defiance in them, redness trickling to his open mouth. "You'll need to do better than that, yeah?"

"Fuck you," he grits.

My mouth twists into a smirk, "You're about to wish that's all I'd do to you."

Shoving him to the floor, I step over him to hit the emergency stop on the lift. Pulling my phone out, I dial Leif—my right hand man—not bothering to greet him. "Have someone get the room ready," I bark into the device. "And meet me at the elevator doors on the twenty-fifth floor."

As I tuck the phone back into my breast pocket, I glance down at the stranger. "Care to tell me your name, or would you rather I come up with one?" I raise an eyebrow, my expression unmoving. Waiting a minute or two, I hit the emergency button again so we continue our ascent to our designated floor.

He doesn't answer, crawling on his hands and knees to the corner, where he sits himself up, wiping away at the blood staining his lower face.

"How about Rooster, yeah? You're ugly like a cock and you look like you'd annoy the fuck out of me."

Raven chuckles behind me.

"So, we're in agreeance. Wonderful."

Arriving at the twenty-fifth floor, the doors open, revealing Leif and two men. The two men grab Rooster and I reach for Raven, interlacing our fingers to pull her down the hallway and the staircase, until we enter the parking garage.

We all quickly load into the car and Leif wastes no time in taking us back to one of our warehouses. The car ride is quiet and short, but there isn't much to say in the silence. Besides that, I need to focus on what I'm going to do with this man and whomever sent him.

I have an idea of who it is, but I need to be positive before anything is done about it. I don't do shit unless I'm certain. I don't fucking make mistakes.

Stepping into the room, the three men immediately straighten their spines, granting me respect. An invisible crown sits atop my head, something I've learned quickly to balance at every waking moment. I can't let it slip off.

I find the stranger from the elevator strapped to a chair. His hands are tied behind his back and his shins are roped to each leg of the chair.

I carefully remove the cuffs from my sleeves, handing them to Leif. After slipping off my jacket and handing that to him too, I begin to roll up my sleeves, exposing tattooed skin as I do so. As I straighten my rings again, ensuring the sharpest points are outwards to the knuckle, I make eye contact with the man sitting before me. "Fancy seeing you here, Rooster."

He doesn't speak. He only angles his head further back in defiance.

I close the distance between us, taking four steps in his direction. "Are you gonna' tell me what I want or am I gonna' have to ruin this shirt?"

He says nothing.

"It was an expensive suit. It'd be a shame to ruin it, honestly."

Widening my stance, I swing an arm back, my hand flying towards him where my fist connects with his cheek. The sound echoes through the space, more blood flying from his mouth as it sprays and he groans out in pain.

Immediately my fist aches, but I'm pleased to see the rings have made multiple gashes in his skin.

He opens his mouth, then closes it, and opens it again, looking like a tiny-brained, half dead fish. "The fuck was that for?"

Really? This dude is a fucking moron. His family tree probably looks more like a wreath.

I have no doubt he'll tell me what I need to know. In fact, I'll bet it won't take more than five punches for him to spit it out. Even a trapped animal will chew off its own leg to get out of a trap.

"Just tell me who sent you, Rooster."

He avoids my gaze, staring off at the wall.

I throw another punch, this one with more force to show him that the first was only me warming up. "I'm not fuckin' around, mate. You can make this so much easier on yourself."

Another punch.

Nothing.

"You're kidding yourself if you think someone's gonna' save you for your loyalty." I lean in close to him, whispering like the devil on his shoulder, "If you held any importance, I guarantee that someone would've already tried coming to get you."

He clenches his eyes shut tight. I think what I've said has gotten to him. For real? Only three fucking punches? This must be some new record.

"It was Kasimir. He—Kash sent me."

It's an insidious answer, settling like acid in my lungs. Of course, it was him. Who else would it be?

"That wasn't so hard, yeah?" As I ask the question, I grip his jaw painfully, forcing him to meet my gaze. "Who? Me or her?"

"Both," he manages to utter. "He told me to kill both of you."

"Tell me where the fuck he's hiding." My eyes flash across his face, noticing the visible bend in his now broken nose. The thing is crooked like a motherfucker.

"At a house on Bridge Street."

My grip tightens and he winces in pain. "You're sure?" I growl, my teeth clenching together.

"Yeah, yeah!" He wiggles, presumably in an attempt to get away from me. "I just came from there. He's got about a dozen men."

"Only a dozen?" I raise an eyebrow. With how blatant he's become, I thought he would've had more to back up that ego. Twelve men is nothing I can't handle. Fuck, I could do it alone. No fucking problem.

He tries his best to shake his head, my grip on his jaw so tight that he struggles to do so. "I was the thirteenth."

"How much did he give you?"

"He said ten a head—"

"Thousand?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I needed the money, I—My wife, she—" He tries to say something else, but I shut him up by digging my fingernails into his cheeks.

I really don't give a fuck.

"Shut up," I bark, "Before I cut your fuckin' tongue out of your mouth and make you." To make my point, I squeeze extra hard, forcing his mouth open as if I'm about to do what I said.

His eyes go wide. He understands.

Letting go of him, I take a step back and move to leave the room. Two steps from the door, I speak to all of them, "Kill him," and exit.

I meet Raven in the entry, entwining our hands together recklessly, not bothered by the fact that I'm holding her with my bloodied one and staining her clean hands.

They're only pure in appearance, not in reality.

By the time Raven and I make it back to the car, Leif—who would've been directing soldiers to do as they're told—jogs to catch up. He hops in the driver's seat, with Raven and I in the back, and we speed to our destination.

Pulling up to Kash's, I give my soldiers a game plan and then I lead the pack of us in. Leif trails at the back and Raven—still in her gown—stands beside me, her own pistol between her manicured hands. However, though I don't want her here for obvious reasons, she refuses, but at least she stays guarded behind me like I've requested.

I prepare myself, cocking my pistol as we enter the house. Immediately, we spot three men and with three bullets, I've dropped them to the ground. The one man falls in the doorway and I'm forced to step over him, having to help Raven to do so as well.

In the process of killing the men upon entering, the both of us have been sprayed with the blood of one of the dead men. The red matches her lipstick and it's like some fucked up painting all over her beautiful face.

The rest of my men scatter the house and I hear the odd shot echo throughout the halls. Just as Raven is taking her final step over the dead body, while avoiding the blood, I hear a footstep behind me.

Before I can react, Raven raises her gun, fires a single round and kills the man.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I lead her towards a narrow and long hallway. Slowly, we make our way down it, making it about ten steps before I notice a shadow from the one doorway. I still for a moment, listening for any noise and then take a delicate pace to him.

At the last second, he pops his head out and I fire a bullet between his eyes.

"Fuck, Brett!" A whispered voice faintly makes its way to us and I take position, aiming my weapon towards the noise. Two squeaks of shoes walking closer and then a shadow darkening the floor.

I creep along the opposing wall until I'm able to get a proper look at the room to find one man standing over the dead guy, checking for a pulse. He doesn't even realize I'm standing there, dying instantly once my fired bullet pierces his brain through the side of his head.

As he falls, I hear Raven catch up to me. I look towards the double doors, where Kash surely is hiding. At this point, there's no way he hasn't heard some of the gun shots. I wouldn't be surprised if he's waiting with a weapon drawn.

However, he should know better than to aim anything at me.

Before entering, Leif approaches us from behind and I look to Raven, "Go with Leif, Angel."

She huffs, not pleased with the sound of that.

I cup her jaw, forcing her to meet my eyes. "You know what Kash is like—he's unpredictable. If something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself. I'm not asking, Raven."

"I know," she replies softly.

I press a kiss to her mouth, happy when she relents and doesn't put up a fight, going with Leif towards the front of the house. He'll set her up with a few soldiers to keep her safe out there while I deal with the problem that awaits behind one last barrier.

Pushing open the large, wooden doors, I shove them until their knobs break through the surface of the walls behind them. I'm alone, but so is he, and I know I'm a hell of a lot better shot than him. In every fucking aspect.

Surprisingly, he doesn't appear to be carrying a weapon, but that doesn't mean he hasn't hidden one on his person in an attempt to surprise me at the last minute. As I said to Raven, he's unpredictable. But unpredictable is still predictable in some sense. You know to expect something, you just have to observe to figure it out.

"Kermit," I greet with a fake smile, knowing the nickname will irritate the fuck out of him.

"How'd you get in here?" He clenches his jaw, reaching a hand backwards towards a bookshelf that he surely has a weapon hidden inside.

I yell out for him to stop and he freezes. "Don't bother, you're wasting your time." I clench the gun in my hand, and he glances down at it momentarily.

"How'd you get through my security?"

"I killed them all."

He seems surprised. "For a fuckin' pig, you sure don't have many hang ups when it comes to killing people without due cause."

"I was a cop, Kash. I'm not anymore."

"Once a cop, always a cop," he clears his throat noisily to spit up a visible piece of phlegm at my feet in disgust.

"Yet I am where I am, and you are where you are. I'm at the top, where'd you end up?"

He clenches his fist at his side, hilariously looking like that Arthur meme. "Not atop a mountain of bodies and bones."

I throw my head back in condescending laughter, "That's what you've led yourself to believe."

"Just get it over with, Zayn."

A moment of silence falls amongst us and I stare down at his hand—to the area where he's missing two digits. Fingers that I removed at Don Cain's request before I became the Don. "Would you rather I cut off another finger? If I did, who'd get your girlfriend off, yeah?"

"Fuck you," he growls, just like Rooster.

I smile, not in a genuine way, but more like that of a triumphant lion, the moment before he strikes on a wounded gazelle. Kasimir is stuck. This is it. His terror over my life ends here. His terror over Raven's life ends here.

The image of her wrist—adorned with a ring of purple and blue bruises, like some fucked up bracelet—flashes in my mind. He gripped Raven so hard that he injured her and that alone, makes me want to draw out the switchblade I stole from Rooster, drag it up Kermit's arms and legs, and leave him to bleed out.

"Cain, Leo—they were wrong for letting you into the Brooks family."

"That's something we agree on."

There's some scuffle outside the room and Leif steps in, appearing like he hasn't just helped me kill a dozen men. He takes one glance between Kash and myself, "We've got one minute before cleanup."

Kash panics, beginning to scramble for the door. However, he makes it one single step before I raise my arm and pull the trigger. With one bullet, he falls to the floor in a heap—a hole created in the side of his head, right above his ear, exactly where I aimed.

I straighten my white dress shirt, the expensive fabric now stained with the blood of multiple men. I give it a moment for the chamber of my pistol to cool before tucking it in the waistband at my back. By the time I'm moving to leave the room, the cleanup crew steps into the room.

One of the guys slips in Kash's blood, nearly falling on his ass.

As I exit the house, I find Raven standing just outside, some blood still splattered on her beautiful face. Her eyes, like a stormy ocean, meet mine.

My hands are still stained with redness, but I grab her jaw in my hand to give her an open-mouthed, hungry kiss. Her mouth tastes of vodka and violence, and it only fuels me further.

I gently grab her wrist in my hand, softly ghosting the tips of my fingers over the fading bruises. Lifting her arm, I tenderly press a kiss to the purple and blue.

"I love you," she breathes, reuniting our mouths.

As we head home, I send her inside, taking a moment to think outside. I walk to the edge of the pond in the back, lighting up a cigarette as I stare out over the water. After a few minutes, and several drags on the cigarette, I kill it under the red sole of my dress shoe.

When the sound of a crow cawing echoes around me, I turn to find five of them circling around the water.

Before heading inside, I take a final glance at the lotus flower that has bloomed on the far edge of the pond.

Nobody fucks with Don Zayn.

A/N:

hi, hello!

i'm new here, simply promoting my latest project!

if you're interested in Insidious Ocean and would like to read more, you can find me and this story on Wattpad!

other than that, you can always find me on my Twitter as well!

my socials are all the same, you can find me @ zealousniaz on any of them :)

[undertaker1827]

Undertaker headcanons from the late 19th century (1889) to the present day with an S / O that is also immortal. Just cute things about how they would have fun and a relationship that would really be "forever" (I'm a little obsessed with eternal romances with immortal creatures, sorry XD)

Aww that’s such a sweet idea, don’t apologise!! Here you go, hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

-

Alright people sit down and buckle up we start in the Victorian era

Undertaker is doing just that, lowkey experimenting on the dead and the like as well but we’re ignoring that for now

You’re absolutely not working as a servant in some lord’s house, equally you probably can’t quite get up into high society given Undertaker’s occupation, likely somewhere in the middle

To be honest, you probably ended up involved in the Phantomhives’ underground network and you are more than capable of working the system so you can be accepted equally by both London’s high society and the working classes

The mortician deals with people from all walks of life and you regularly interact with them so it’s hardly surprising

During this time, the two of you would eat out as much as possible , just to experience the class divide from both ends

The funeral parlour isn’t in the best part of London, so you went to the local pub one night for dinner and a drink

The atmosphere was positively alive, the people inside loud and buzzing with warm energy despite the winter cold trying to deep in through the windows

You had a basic meal of chicken and vegetable broth, sat at a table just off the corner of the bar

The place might have smelt of alcohol but the people sat at another table playing music more than made up for it

There was a violinist, a singer and a flute player, all producing jigs, country music and the best old songs, the kind the two of you hadn’t heard in a good few years

Alternately, Undertaker took you out to the fanciest, most expensive restaurant London had to offer

You didn’t even know where he got the money from

He wore a sleek black top hat and tails, hair drawn back and hidden away for once

A crisp white shirt and a red tie, polished black loafers and you wearing your finest

You lost track of how many courses you ate, lost in the small orchestra playing exquisite music from the front

Undertaker had reserved the best table they had to offer and ultimately spared no expense

Afterwards, you decided that whilst the experiences were polar opposites, you had enjoyed both for entirely different reasons

Moving on to the early 1900’s, the industrial revolution was a scream for you both

Picture the most ridiculous, steampunk-looking ‘automated vehicle’ you can, complete with the crazy lights on the front and the carriage wheels, chugging out black smoke

Undertaker had one

It was such a wild thing to invent that he just couldn’t resist

You were the talk of his part of London, specifically how the ‘unusual’ mortician has managed to afford one was of great debate among the gossips

Of course, you two sat on the sidelines and watched it all unfold, grinning like mad people and never giving out any information

You did make the occasional comment though, only to stir the pot and confuse everyone even further

Your favourite memory of that car had to be when you chugged over Westminster bridge in it, the mortician tipping his hat while you just nodded at the pavement full of top hats who halted what they were doing to watch you go by

You laughed for ages after that one

It couldn’t last forever though, and when the First World War came, it was as hard on the two of you as any

Undertaker seemed always to be working during those four years, the list of casualties endless

You helped him wherever you could, devoting the rest of your time to helping out at the local shelter, nursing when the hospitals were being overrun

You would both pass information along the underground as well, anything to end the death and destruction

The Second World War passed in much the same way, though now there seemed to be even less time to rest

You would stand and quietly hold each other on the long nights when it all seemed endless, listening to Churchill over the radio and trying to not get too down

The next little while passed by uneventfully really - everyone was trying to recover from the after effects of the fighting and the Cold War was in full flow

When it got to the 50’s and 60’s though, things started looking up once more

You lost count of the number of dances you went to with the mortician, each of which he invited you to in a most gentlemanly manner

Eventually you invited him to a few, though he jokingly complained each time that he should be the one to ask you

Undertaker’s slow dances went unrivalled, both at events and whilst you were alone in the parlour

Those were your favourites, gazing lovingly into his phosphorescent eyes, glowing softly in the half dark as he smiled back at you

He would hold your body to his as close as possible, keeping you flush together whilst still moving to the music

He would have an arm securely around your waist, far too much contact for the dance you were doing but you had no complaints

When it got late and dark and you were still stepping around each other, you would lay your head on his shoulder and his hand would move automatically to your hair, ever so softly combing back through it and nails caressing your scalp so masterfully that it took far more effort than it should have done to stay awake

He knew that of course and would grin, wasting no time in sitting down somewhere with you in his lap, whispering sweet nothings until your eyes did finally close, albeit against your will

You would smile in the morning when you woke up in bed, but still wrapped tightly in the mortician’s embrace

Moving swiftly onto the 70’s, I just want to say if you don’t think Undertaker could disco with the best of them, you are so wrong

He’s a fabulous dancer, no matter what the era or style and there wasn’t the move he didn’t know

You would often catch him dancing away to the pop songs over the radio or on the little TV you two had purchased

When he saw you, not only would he not stop but he would grab you and get you to start dancing with him

The reaper took full advantage of the fashion for flares and all things day glow, mismatching neon socks worn proudly

And of course if this wasn’t the era of the best comedy movies

You went to the movie theatre to see all of them, got them on DVD and ultimately there wasn’t a single reference that went over your head

It was also impossible to pick your favourite

From then on, the two of you really just watched fashions and trends progress into the ones we know now

He has a black hearse of course, but not your average one

It’s all sharp angles and gleaming chrome, a skull pendent hanging off the rear view

When it’s Halloween season, he puts a skeleton in the back so others can see it through the back window

The tech side of things is definitely a bonus, phones are just convenient and there’s so much media (films, music) you can never get bored

You’ve been to festivals together, fringe all the way

Undertaker teleported you to the front when your favourite band came on; it was the best thing

He even hoisted you up on his shoulders at one point and when you waved at the lead singer, they waved back

You have a collection of memorabilia from all of them, not to mention all the concerts you’ve been to together

You have literally hundreds of photo albums, dating right back to when cameras were first invented

At the time, nobody could work out how you got a camera either

Undertaking itself hasn’t changed that much over the years of course and the mortician still lives and works in the same place as he always has

You asked him about it once

He said he’d been there so long by now that he couldn’t imagine going anywhere else, wouldn’t even know where to start

He asked you to move in not too long ago and given how much time you already spent at his place, you agreed

You spent your first night there wrapped firmly in the mortician’s arms, laying on his chest rather than a pillow and held securely under his covers

You were curled around each other with as much contact as you could muster and got all the better night’s sleep for it

[paper-mirio]

Your Heart on Your Sleeve & A Knife in Your Back

Shindou Yo x Reader

Words: 7,229

Summary: When the two of you were young, you made a promise to each other that the two of you would be the greatest hero duo the world had ever seen. You would be the Pro Heroes Heat Wave and Grand, the best partners in the industry! And you weren’t going to let something as simple as going to different hero schools get in the way of your promise to your best friend. Before one can become a Pro Hero, however, they must receive their Provisional License. And really, since you’re so eager to talk to him about your classmates, can you blame him for using that information to his advantage? The answer, of course, is yes.

A/N: This was written as a Secret Santa present for a friend! It’s sort of a Christmas fic but since I don’t think I mentioned Christmas anywhere take it as a late generic holiday fic! Enjoy!

“I got in!” you shouted into the phone, prompting your dad to shout for you to lower your voice from downstairs. You called out an apology, gently setting down the hologram disc that came with your acceptance letter. The video had been paused near the end, and the smile on All Might’s frozen face paled in comparison to the beaming grin etched onto yours.

Instead of the excited encouragement you expected in response, you were met with silence. You waited, before hesitantly asking, “Shindou? You there?”

“...Yeah. Um, you got in where, exactly?” Shindou asked.

“Oh, yeah. I got into UA! They said I'm in class 1-A!” you exclaimed. You giggled excitedly, doing a small little dance. If Shindou were in the room with you he'd no doubt comment about how silly you looked, but you wouldn't care a bit. This was everything you dreamed of, and you felt like you were on top of the world right now.

“That's great, Y/N,” Shindou said, very clearly not as excited as you were. “So I guess that means you're not coming to Ketsubutsu, huh?”

You let out a sigh. “Yeah, guess not. I mean, I really would love to go to school with you, but Ketsubutsu is so far, and—“

“UA is your dream school, I get it! You don't have to make any excuses; if I were in your situation I'd choose UA too,” Shindou laughed. “Just don't get it in your head that this makes you better than me, alright? I may not be your senpai anymore, but I still have a year of experience on you.”

“If you say so,” you giggled. “Just get ready, I'll catch up with you before you know it. We gotta be on the same level when we team up, you know?”

Shindou chuckled. “True, true. I'll put in a good word for you with Yoroi Musha then. We’ll be able to get used to working together if he extends an internship offer to you.”

“Pfft, you won't need to! He'll be so blown away when he sees me at the Sports Festival this year, he’ll be begging to have me join,” you claim. Sure, you may have been exaggerating a bit there. After all, having the Number 8 Pro Hero as a mentor would be a very big deal. But you were confident in your skills, and Shindou made it sound so wonderful whenever he told you of his experiences working with the hero. You remember celebrating the night Shindou told you he'd been offered an internship at his agency, and you were still proud of him. He wasn't at the agency anymore, but was extended an offer to return once he'd gotten his provisional license.

“There you go again,” Shindou jokingly chided. “And they wonder why I worry about their ego...”

“Oh, because you're one to talk, right?” you joked back. You heard your dad call for you, and stopped laughing to let out a sigh. “Listen, I gotta go. I’ll call back soon, alright?”

“Yeah, talk to you later then. Bye.”

“Bye!” you said, quickly hanging up. You pocketed your phone and moved to exit your room when you caught sight of your acceptance letter. You squealed in excitement. You were gonna be a hero!

You entered Shindou’s apartment, giving a brief bow to Shindou’s mother on your way in. “Thank you for having me over on such short notice!” you thanked her.

She waved it off with a smile. “It's no problem, Y/N,” she said. “You're always welcome here! Besides, after what your class just went through we would've invited you over anyway!” Her eyes narrowed mischievously, and she leaned in and lowered her voice before continuing, “I know he's bad at showing how he really feels, but Yo’s been worried sick ever since the news broke. So I'm sure he'll be more than happy to see you here.”

You flushed at this, nodding in response and laughing nervously. “Haha, well, I guess I'll go see him now then!” You waved goodbye before rushing off in the direction of Shindou’s room. Once outside, you knocked a few times before placing your hand on the doorknob. “Shindou? It's me, Y/N. Can I come in?” you asked. You were met with complete silence. Your furrowed your eyebrows. “Shindou?” You placed your ear to the door, trying to listen for any movement on the other side. Nothing. Concern bubbled within you, and worst-case scenarios ran through your mind. Was your school the only one targeted today? Maybe someone had attacked Shindou without his family noticing. Trying not to panic, you called him once more. When no response came, you announced, “I’m coming in,” before twisting the doorknob and opening the door.

Quickly surveying the room for anything wrong, you sighed in relief at the sight of Shindou asleep in his bed, headphones covering his ears. Once the concern left you, you rolled your eyes in amusement. “Worried sick, huh?” you muttered, shaking your head and making your way over to stand at the side of his bed. Without warning, you flopped onto the bed next to him, throwing your weight into your fall. The mattress springs squeaked in resistance and Shindou was sent a few inches into the air, startling him awake. He ripped his headphones off and raised his hands into fists, seemingly ready for a fight before his eyes landed on you, casually lying in his bed with a devious smirk on your face.

His wide eyes blinked in confusion, and he reached up to rub at them before asking, “Y/N?”

You finally laughed at the confused look on his face. “Hey, Shindou. How was school today?”

At the mention of school, he was wide awake. The look on his face turned serious, and he gave you a slight glare. “I should be the one asking you that! A villain attack?!” He looked you up and down, concern etched into his features. “Are you hurt?”

Your smile turned soft, and you placed your hands on his shoulders. “Look, I’m fine! See? Not a scratch on me!” Except for the one on my back, you thought, but he didn't need to know about that. “As if I’d let some lowlife villain get the best of me!” you scoffed. “Besides, they really didn't know what they were doing with the whole attack. They basically made it easier for us all to fight back.”

Shindou raised an eyebrow, intrigued, yet still concerned. “They did? How?”

You giggled, finding humor in the convenience of the situation. “Okay, I probably shouldn't be laughing because I got really lucky they messed up the way they did, but it's just so perfect! We were at a training facility specifically for rescue training, so there were different zones for different types of disasters. And when the villains first showed up, they had their warper villain separate us into the different zones so they could pick us off individually, and—“

“So they were trying to kill you guys?!” Shindou asked, alarmed.

You sighed, frustrated at the interruption. “Yeah, they were. Anyway,” you continued, ignoring the growing concern in Shindou’s face, “we were all sent to the different disaster zones randomly. And, get this,” you giggled, pausing for dramatic effect, “they sent me to the fire zone.”

Shindou blinked, processing your statement before a bemused grin formed. “They didn't!”

“They did!” you cackled. The two of you laughed together for a few moments, with you hugging your sides. You wiped a tear from your eye, proceeding with your explanation of the day’s events. “Yeah, Ojiro and I took care of those assholes in no time.”

“Ojiro?” Shindou asked.

“Oh yeah, I haven't told you about any of my classmates yet. Ojiro’s got this really cool tail Quirk, and he's insane at martial arts!” You mimed some of the moves you’d seen your classmate perform earlier in the day, a large grin on your face. “With me practically giving them heatstroke and him kicking them into the concrete, they hardly stood a chance against us!” You smiled and leaned back in the bed, hands behind your head as you smiled at the ceiling. “I wasn't the only one who got a convenient placement, either. One of my classmates, Tsuyu, has a frog mutation Quirk. One of the many, many things she can do with her Quirk is swim fast.”

“Oh, let me guess,” Shindou cut in. “Flood zone?”

“Close,” you responded. “Shipwreck.”

Shindou snapped his fingers, muttering, “Damn.” He turned to face you, a small smile on his face. “You really did get lucky today, huh? You're sure you're alright?”

You nodded, returning his smile. “I promise, I'm perfectly fine. Other than this one kid with a really self-destructive Quirk and two of our teachers, nobody got seriously hurt. And those three are gonna be just fine, last I heard.” You let out a dreamy sigh. “Aside from, you know, the threat of death and all, it was cool seeing everyone’s Quirks in action. My classmates are all really cool.”

If you hadn't been staring at the ceiling, you might've noticed a certain glint in Shindou’s eyes. Having known him all your life, you would've immediately recognized the look as one he gets when scheming to himself. However, as you were looking away, he was met with no confrontation as a sly grin formed on his face. “Yeah,” he said. “They do sound pretty cool. Why don't you tell me more about them?”

You laid face down in your bed, unable to face the shame of meeting your friend’s gaze. Such a defeat had been humiliating, broadcast for the whole nation to see your failure. I can never go outside again, you thought. My entire career, down the drain. It was fun while it lasted. You'd survived an attack by villains, but this? This was your downfall.

“Y/N,” groaned Shindou, tired of your dramatics. “You got third place. That's good. What are you so embarrassed about?”

You lifted your head off your pillow to sent him a scathing glare. He rolled his eyes, not at all intimidated. “It wasn't good enough! I only got to the tournament round because Ojiro dropped out, and then I couldn't even last a minute against Todoroki! Me! Losing to the kid with the ice quirk!” You flopped your head back down, heaving another loud sigh into the pillow. “Who’d want to take me on as an intern after that mess I made out there...?” Your voice, muffled by the pillow, barely reached Shindou.

“Well, Yoroi Musha, for one,” Shindou muttered, rolling his eyes before letting out a laugh at the way your head jerked up in surprise.

“Wait, for real?!”

Shindou nodded. “You haven't gotten the offers yet, but he said he was impressed by your performance and thinks you'd be a good fit at the agency. Because, you know, you got third place and did a really good job, Y/N.” He watched as you processed those, waiting for the excited laughter that normally came when you received good news. This was a big deal, after all, and a great opportunity for your career. The laughter never came, however, as he saw you blink in confusion, your eyebrows furrowing. He sighed, realizing the issue. You still weren't satisfied with your performance, and you didn't understand why a high-ranking hero was impressed. Shaking his head, he moved to sit next to you on your bed, forcing you to roll into your back to make room for him. Lightly nudging your shoulder, he got your attention, asking, “Look, let's talk about what happened today. Maybe it'll get you to understand how well you actually did. Forget the second round and start with the first tournament match. Who were you up against?”

You sighed, grabbing your pillow and covering your face with it. “You watched the whole thing, you already know—“

“We’re talking each other through it,” he cut you off, ripping your pillow away. “Now, who did you fight?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Fine. Kaminari Denki. My classmate.”

Shindou nodded. “Quirk?”

“Electricity.”

“And how did you beat him?”

“Kept my distance, since he’s better at short-range combat. Used my Quirk to make the air around us hotter, exhausting him faster and increasing the air’s resistance to electric current, making his attacks slower. I just waited for him to short out at that point,” you recited. You sighed once you finished. “Okay yeah, I did okay in that fight, but what about—?”

“Patience,” Shindou gently said, ruffling your hair as he cut you off yet again. Ignoring your pointed glare and avoiding your hand swatting his away, he nodded. “Next round. Who’d you fight?”

“Iida Tenya. Engine Quirk. I caused his engines to overheat,” you said, covering the questions you knew he'd ask before he got to them. “Harder to target him because he moved too fast, and he nearly got me out of the ring at one point.”

Shindou nodded. “Good, good.” He smiled down at me. “Now, the last round.”

You sighed, turning on your side away from him as your face flushed in embarrassment. “Do we really need to go over this one? It was embarrassing enough living through it.”

Shindou gripped your shoulder, rolling you back and laughing when he saw the pout on your face. “Yes, we do. It's important to understand your failures and learn from them. Can't be a good hero if you don't do that.”

You folded your arms over your chest. “...Fine. Todoroki Shouto. Half-hot, half-cold. I've only ever seen him use his fire against Midoriya, though.” You paused, frown deepening on your face.

Shindou poked your cheek at the corner of your frown, a smirk on his face. “Go on,” he teased.

“When the round started he sent ice to capture me like he did for everyone else. I used my Quirk to melt the ice, but I didn't evaporate it because the steam would have blocked my vision.”

“So the water was still on the floor of the ring?” Shindou asked.

“Yeah. I tried to get closer to him, since he seems like he prefers long-range attacks. Plus if he used his fire, I could've turned that against him. He didn't. And he kept avoiding me while I tried to close the distance until we basically circled the stage.”

“And,” Shindou added, “while this was happening you weren't focused on where you were standing.”

You shook your head. “Nope, just focused on getting closer to him.”

“So when you circled the stage—“

“I ended up back where I started,” you ground out between clenched teeth, “right where the puddle was from the ice I melted.”

“And the puddle?”

“Frozen over.”

“So,” Shindou continued, covering his mouth to try and stifle a laugh. “When you stepped on the ice?”

You sighed, sending him a pointed glare at his poor attempt to hide his laughter. “I fell on my ass, and Todoroki knocked me off the stage with more ice.”

Shindou snorted at the memory. He took in a breath, trying not to laugh too much when you were still embarrassed over the whole situation. “Now, if you had to do something different during that fight, what would you have done?”

You thought for a moment, your eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Well,” you started, “I’d definitely get rid of that puddle, for one.” You continued to think, nodding to yourself. “I could try to do what Midoriya did and wait for him to overuse his ice, instead of chasing him around like I did. He'd either wear himself out from the cold or he'd use his fire, which I could turn against him.” You smiled, proud of yourself for your plan, before the smile dropped and you slammed your face into the pillow again. “Ugh, why didn't I just do that?!”

Shindou rubbed your back soothingly, a slight smirk on his face. “It's alright Y/N,” he said. “Now you know better, and you can probably beat him next time you go against him.”

You lifted your head, and his smirk vanished and was replaced with a smile. You sent him a soft smile, saying, “Thank you, Shindou. This was actually helpful. Think we can do this more often?”

He reached up to ruffle your hair, briefly blocking your view of his face as the smirk returned. “Of course! If you ever wanna go over a training exercise or something else you guys did in class, feel free to reach out.”

You sat up fully and leaned over to pull Shindou into a hug. You buried your face into his shoulder. Shindou blinked in surprise, his smirk dropping, but immediately returned the hug. For a brief moment, he felt a twinge of guilt, and considered telling you his real intentions. He shook his head, dismissing the thought and pulling you closer. They’ll understand eventually, he reasoned to himself.

Over the next couple of months, you'd taken Shindou up on his offer multiple times. After eventful Heroics classes, sparring sessions, or days where you just trained your Quirk, you'd call Shindou or visit his place to talk yourself through the experience. You'd go over the matches you'd win, detailing what strategies you'd used so you could understand which worked and which didn't. You extensively covered the matches you'd lost, analyzing together what your opponents did that got the best of you. Shindou would occasionally interject with his own ideas of how you could have utilized your Quirk, but for the most part he guided you to talk on your own.

When the time came to do your internship, you'd decided to join Yoroi Musha, who—just as Shindou had told you—extended you an offer to join him at his agency. Unfortunately, Shindou’s internship would occur in a different week, so the two of you did not get the chance to work together. Regardless, he continued to encourage you via text when you were free. Your regular analysis was put on a temporary halt, as you were getting plenty of feedback on your performance from your new mentor. Shindou, interestingly enough, did not reach out and offer to begin the conversation as much during this week, even though he was normally very enthusiastic in doing so. You shrugged this off, not seeing this as very unusual. After all, end of term exams had been approaching, and he was probably busy studying. This was a relatively new arrangement, after all.

When your end of term exams passed, however, his enthusiasm returned full force. He insisted you analyze the practical portion of the exam with very close attention to detail.

“After all,” he suggested, “it's not every day you get to fight against a Pro Hero.”

Finding no fault in his logic, you agreed. Interestingly enough, the direction he took when guiding your analysis wasn't what you expected. Rather than focus on the strategies you used against Midnight, Shindou had you focus on how well you worked with your teammate, and how you utilized both of your Quirks to your advantage. It all made sense why, however, after hearing him explain that in the field you'd likely find yourself having to improvise with a partner you haven't worked with before.

“But aren't we going to be partners?” you interjected, eyebrow raised as you teased him.

“Yeah, of course,” he nonchalantly responded. “But there might be times when we get separated for whatever reasons. You gotta learn to work with other people, you know?”

And after detailing how you were able to work together with Sero to win the match, that was the last analysis discussion the two of you would have. You told him about how your class would be going on a forest lodge trip during the summer, so you wouldn't be able to visit until you got back. He pouted when you told him, making you promise you'd visit as soon as you got back.

You giggled, pulling him in for a hug. “Of course!” You leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek, laughing as he blushed. “I know you'll get lonely without me, so I promise not to leave you alone for too long!” Shindou shook his head, muttering under his breath about you being embarrassing, but returned the hug. So you left, with the promise of a swift return and the sharing of any cool stories that happened over the summer.

And then the training camp was attacked. And your classmate was kidnapped. And you, without hesitation, joined your classmates in the rescue attempt. And though your rescue was successful, and you escaped without serious injury, and the villain that leveled the ward, leaving little behind was defeated—

It was all too much. You needed to get away, even if only briefly.

While the teachers made their rounds informing parents of the new dorms on campus, you made your way to Shindou’s apartment. Giving his mother the usual polite greeting, you were startled at her suddenly pulling you into a hug.

“We were so happy,” she said, voice wavering as she held back tears, “to hear that you were safe, Y/N.” She pulled away and wiped at her eyes, a soft smile on her face. “Yo is in his room. I know you came here to see him and not deal with me crying, so go on ahead.” She shooed you off in the direction of Shindou’s room, so you left her alone. You made your way to his room to see the door cracked open. You were about to announce your presence and walk in, when you heard another voice in the room.

“Wow, you got all that from one person?” The voice was male and was clearly coming from a phone speaker. You stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt his phone call, so you stood outside the door and waited for his to finish.

“Yeah, I have a friend in class 1-A over there, and they’ve told me a bunch about their classmates and their Quirks,” you heard Shindou say. “Strengths, weaknesses, fighting styles. All of it.”

“Wow! For real?” exclaimed the voice on the other end. “Are they trying to set up their class to fail or something?”

Shindou laughed in response. “Nah, I don't think they know that the license exam is a competition yet. We've been having these conversations so they can ‘improve their strategy’ when fighting. Which, to be fair,” he said, oh so casually like he wasn't breaking your trust and heart with every word, “we technically are. That's just...not the whole reason, is all.”

A moment of silence from the person on the other end, and you swear you could heart your heart pounding in your ears as the weight of how you'd been betrayed settled on you. The license exam? That’s why he'd been helping you? While you thought you were bonding with someone you'd known your whole life, he was gathering info to use against your class in an exam. To become a hero.

“...Huh. Your friend sounds kinda gullible,” the person on the other end, who you could only guess was one of Shindou’s classmates, finally responded. You scoffed quietly, shaking your head. Gullible. Because it was so wrong to trust that kind of info with someone you shared everything with? With someone who promised you to always be at your side and support you?

At Shindou’s laugh and the response of, “Maybe,” you'd decided you'd heard enough. You stood in front of the door, taking in a deep breath. You wiped at the tears in your eyes, swallowed down the burning pain in your throat, and hesitantly knocked at the door. Silence on the other side. “...Hey, I'll call you back later, okay?” you heard Shindou say into the phone. He must have turned off the speaker, as you heard no response before footsteps made their way to the door, which slowly opened to reveal Shindou on the other side.

Once he saw you, his eyes widened and he immediately pulled you into a tight hug. “Y/N,” he muttered, bringing his hand up to rest on the back of your head. “You’re okay...” Feeling the burning pain in your throat return, you resisted the urge to shove him away and yell at him over everything you'd overheard. Instead, you hesitantly raised your arms and returned the hug, embracing the warm feeling and trying to gain some sense of comfort in it. You didn't find much.

He eventually pulled away, frowning down at you as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “We were already worried enough when we heard your camp got attacked, but you had to go off and pull some stupid stunt that nearly got yourself killed again?” At your confused look, Shindou’s gaze narrowed on you. “Your dad called my mom. We know about how you and some classmates of yours rescued that Bakugou kid.” He let out a shaky sigh, his grip on your shoulders tightening. He closed his eyes tightly. “Just...don't do something that reckless again.” His eyes opened, and he gave you a small smile. “I can't be part of the best hero duo if my partner goes and gets themself killed, right?”

Still hurt over both his betrayal and how he had the nerve to act concerned about you after just bragging about how he tricked you, it took a bit of effort to put on a convincing smile. You knew, with how long the two of you had known each other, that it wouldn't be enough to convince him, so you pulled him into another hug so he wouldn't have to see it. “I’m fine. I promise I won't do anything like that again. You don't need to worry...”

He pulled away, giving a quick ruffle to your hair before he reached down to grab a bag on the floor, slinging it over his shoulder. “Good. Listen, as much as I’d love to stay, you kinda caught me at a bad time. I have to get back to the agency—my internship actually starts today!” He leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead, and you did your best not to let the fluttering feeling in your chest make you forget what he did to you. “I’ll see ya soon, Y/N!” He waved and jogged over to leave his apartment after saying goodbye to his mother.

You let out a shaky breath once he was gone, the tension of holding in your emotion almost overwhelming. You wanted nothing more at that moment than to go home and have a nice cry session in your room, curtains drawn, with your favorite music playing at full volume. Before you could make your way to the exit, however, you were stopped by a call from Shindou’s mother.

“Oh wait, Y/N, before you go!” She stood in front of you, a DVD case in her hand. “I just found out the other day that Yo never let you see what happened in his school’s Sports Festival!”

Your eyes zeroed in on the blank DVD case, wide in surprise. “Huh. He never even told me that they had one....” Which, now that you thought about it, seemed silly. Every school had a Sports Festival. Especially every hero school. And while most weren't broadcasted, like UA’s and Shiketsu’s were, they would certainly record events for parents to view, right?

Shindou’s mother rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Honestly, I can't imagine why not. He did excellently this year! Sure, there were a few moments he was embarrassed about, but we all watched your performance!” She handed you the DVD case. “Here, we had a spare copy, so I think you should have this one. Enjoy!” She hugged you before sending you on your way, making sure to call out a “Stay safe!” before you closed the door.

Standing outside the apartment, you stared down at the DVD case in your hands. On the disc, you'd be able to watch Shindou and his classmates’ Quirks in action. See how they fight, how they strategize, how they act. Every bit of information Shindou coerced from you, you would be able to watch. And his mother had handed it over with a smile on her face.

A grin developed, and you snickered to yourself. This? This would even the odds. You pulled out your phone, pressing on Midoriya’s contact before typing out a text. ‘Hey, you like analyzing Quirks, right? I have something you might be interested in watching...’

A manic grin was on your face as you dodged a ball thrown by a Ketsubutsu student. Your plan was working perfectly. Your classmates had been thoroughly informed of the Quirks and fighting styles of Ketsubutsu’s class 2-2. While you'd all been caught slightly off guard at how most of the examinees immediately targeted your class, you very quickly recovered and fought back.

You had to suppress a cackle when you saw Tokoyami strike at Nakagame, who quickly collapsed her torso into herself using her Quirk to dodge, only to be struck by Ojiro while her vision was obscured. Midoriya was spot on with his analysis, and your classmates had clearly paid close attention. For every strike they made, your class countered with peak efficiency. Even as Shindou’s Quirk scattered the class, they had prepared beforehand for this scenario and were not too shaken by the attack.

You hit the third target on a Ketsubutsu student, laughing all the while. “One down, one to go!” you cheered, quickly scanning the area to see if any other examinees were nearby. Upon spotting a familiar mess of brown hair out of the corner of your eye, you quickly spun to face Shindou, who was looking at you from a distance away. You got in a stance, ready to fight against him if he attacked. Shindou’s eyes narrowed, glancing between you and his classmate who you'd just defeated. His mouth settled into a frown, and he turned and ran to another area of the stadium.

You'd wanted to smirk at him, taunt him for being outsmarted by your class, but you instead found yourself mirroring his expression and his silence. You'd gotten him back after he tricked you; you should have been happy, right? Proud of yourself? Despite reasoning this to yourself, however, a growing weight filled the void your pride left.

You shook your head, breaking yourself from your thoughts. You didn't have time to think about how seeing Shindou had made you feel. You had one more student to eliminate. You could focus on him later.

Your name was there. On the list, plain as day for all to read. You'd gotten your license, and all your hard work, all the late-night analysis with Midoriya, all the heartache you'd felt over Shindou’s betrayal was worth it.

Your eyes drifted slightly, and you spotted “Shindou Yo” somewhere else on the list. You supposed all of Shindou’s preparation paid off for him, too.

After obtaining your license, you followed the rest of your class to the bus to return to the dorms. Before boarding, you caught sight of Shindou again. He was speaking to Nakagame, you noticed you and gave an awkward smile and wave. Shindou turned to see who she was waving at, and his eyes widened when he saw you. You two stared each other down for a brief moment, before you broke the tension by turning to board the bus.

The weight in your chest felt heavier now.

The weight of the many presents you carried in your arms was only slightly heavier than the dread settling in your gut. Unwilling to admit to the tensions between you and Shindou, you couldn't come up with a plausible excuse to break the tradition your families had held for many years. Based on the warm greeting Shindou’s parents gave you when they finally answered the door, you assumed that Shindou hadn't told his parents either. You stepped inside and let the warm air rush over you, bringing feeling back into your numb fingertips and increasing the unnerving feeling in you.

“Shindou, don't be rude! Help Y/N out with those presents! Poor thing looks like they’re about to drop them,” Shindou’s mom scolded him, drawing your attention to where he'd been standing in the far corner of the room, partially obscured by the Christmas tree. You saw his mouth settle into a firm line; not quite a frown, but definitely showing discomfort. He pushed off the wall he'd been leaning against and made his way over to you. As he held out his hands to you, you stared at him dumbfoundedly. Here he was, standing in front of you after months of not speaking to each other, and he doesn't even say hello.

You were broken out of your thoughts by him clearing his throat. “You gonna hand them over, or...?” he trailed off, raising an eyebrow. You startled a bit, nearly dropping a present or two with how quickly you shoved the pile into his arms. As you saw him struggle to keep the pile balanced, you flushed in embarrassment and walked away, moving over to where your parents were engaged in a jovial conversation with Shindou’s.

Shindou’s mom saw you and smiled, holding out two steaming mugs of hot chocolate to you. “Just in time! I made these just the way you two like them. Oh, careful!” she warned, handing them over to you. “They're still pretty hot. Well, not that that would be an issue for you, but still...Anyway, why don't the two of you catch up on your own? We haven't seen you in a while, so I'm sure you have a lot to talk about!”

The cheer in her smile was something you couldn't help but smile and nod in return at, taking the mugs from her with a soft “Thanks,” and making your way over to the couch by the tree, where Shindou was sitting.

His eyes followed you the whole way over, not looking away as you approached. You, on the other hand, struggled to meet his eyes as you handed his mug to him. He accepted it, giving you a small nod before taking a sip. You stood where you were, bringing the cup to your lips to take a sip when you noticed his raised eyebrow. You returned it, asking, “What?” He tilted his head to the side, gesturing to the empty seat on the couch next to him. You blinked. An “oh” left your lips, and you slowly moved to sit in the small space next to him on the couch.

As you settled into your spot, you tried leaving a small amount of space between you two, though your knee still brushed against his. You spared a glance over at Shindou, only to see him staring intently at the mug in his hands. A small sigh left your lips, and you raised your mug to take a sip. The scalding feeling on your tongue, while not capable of actually hurting you, was a comfortable distraction from the awkward situation you found yourself in. For a few moments, the two of you sat in silence, with the only sounds heard being the distant chatter of your parents and the low hum of the heater. It was awkward, yes, but neither of you had mentioned the obvious source of tension yet. Maybe, you thought, today wouldn't be too unbearable.

“So, Y/N...” Shindou began, breaking the silence and shattering all your hopes of the evening being salvaged. “I think we both know exactly how my classmates got their info on yours...”

You snorted, lifting the mug to your lips. “Yeah, I know.” You took a long sip, hoping the burning feeling traveling down your throat might push down the angry words that wanted to come out. “Something about a ‘gullible friend in 1-A who doesn't realize this is all a competition’, right?” It didn't help much.

For a moment you thought you saw him cringe, and you heard a mutter along the lines of “...didn’t think you’d hear that...” before seeing him shake his head. “Anyway, I wanted to know how your class seemed so ready for the exam. You all were so coordinated with your attacks, like you knew our Quirks and strategies beforehand.”

You hummed, before raising an eyebrow and shooting him a smirk. “You know, I don't really think I owe you an explanation after what you did.”

Shindou visibly deflated, letting out a sigh and nodding. “Yeah, that's fair.”

You nodded with him. “But!” you began, a grin forming when you saw him perk up. “You probably know better than anyone how much I love bragging whenever I beat you at your own game.” Shindou pulled a face somewhere between a grimace and a smile, seemingly happy he'd get his answer yet embarrassed at the reminder of how thoroughly his plan failed. “Remember that day I dropped by after the Kamino Ward attack, and you headed off to your internship?” At his nod, your grin turned devious. “Well, your mother oh so graciously offered to let me watch the footage from your school’s Sports Festival this year. She gave me a spare DVD.”

His eyes widened comically, glancing over to where his parents were, causing you to cackle. “Seriously?” he asked. “That's all it took? We couldn't even get that much info from your Sports Festival, that's why we came up with that whole scheme in the first place!”

You nodded. “True, but I guess you all don't have a strategist like Midoriya in your class.”

Shindou raised an eyebrow. “The bone-breaking kid?”

You waved a hand. “He doesn't do that anymore. At least, not that often...but that's beside the point. I texted him about the DVD, let him borrow it, and he came up with plans to counter your classmates in the exam.”

Shindou blinked, processing your words. “Wow,” he started. He blinked a few more times before taking a sip from his mug. “That was pretty smart, I guess. He even planned for Makabe and Tokegi’s joint attack, and they've been working on that since the first year!”

You gave a confused hum, not quite sure who he was referring to before it hit you. “Oh! The ones with the boomerang and hardening Quirks, right?” At his nod, you grinned at the opportunity to ramble about strategy. “Well, the boomerang Quirk is kinda similar to Snipe-sensei’s, and we’ve had experience dodging his Quirk before. Also, while the hardening Quirk isn't exactly like my classmate Kirishima’s, it seemed like the hardness was similar enough. And since Ashido accidentally burned Kirishima once in a training accident even though he was using his Quirk, we figured if her acid was corrosive enough it could get past your classmate’s Quirk easily enough.” You paused your take a breath, devious grin widening further. “You all didn't take the corrosiveness into account because she kept it pretty low for the Sports Festival, and when you fished information from me about her I didn't know how corrosive it could be. We were pretty lucky on that part, but I still think we could've done just as well even if you had known.”

Shindou nodded. “You're right, then. You really did beat me at my own game.” He smiled at you and lightly nudged you with his elbow. “Not bad, Y/N.”

You smiled back, before the burning feeling in your chest returned with full force. Your smile dropped, and you turned away from him again. “Yeah, well, me outsmarting you after you tricked me doesn't exactly mean what you did was okay.” You clenched the mug tightly in your grip, bringing it close to your chest. The hot chocolate had gone cold during your conversation, and you stared down into it while trying to ignore the stinging tears in your eyes. “You said we’d be heroes together. Partners. What kind of hero sabotages their partner?”

Shindou’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled for what to say. “Y/N, I didn't...I mean, I wasn't trying to—“ he stammered, before you cut him off.

“But you did,” you cut him off. The mug trembled in your hands as you accidentally used your quirk, and steam began rising from it again. “You took my trust and used it against me and my classmates. And for what? There were so many other schools there you could've gone after. Hell, we could've teamed up and gone after them together! But it was more convenient to just use me, I guess.”

Shindou’s frown deepened. He reached out and placed his hand on your shoulder, only to quickly retract with a hiss at the heat you were giving off. Startled, you quickly stopped using your Quirk and gave him an apologetic frown. “Sorry,” you muttered. You sighed deeply, leaning your head back against the couch. “I guess I'm no better, huh? Your parents were being nice and I took advantage of that...”

Silence hung in the air. Both of your parents had left the room a while ago, and the droning of the heater settled into the background unnoticed. Shindou’s hand found its way to your shoulder again, more hesitant this time. When you didn't respond or shrug him off, he slowly pulled you closer to him, hand moving to your head and gently resting it on his shoulder. You frowned, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again, but didn't resist.

“I'm sorry,” Shindou said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. You snuggled closer to him in response, staying quiet. He lightly ran his fingers through your hair. When he was sure you weren't going to say anything in response, he continued, “Not that it means much to say this now, but congratulations on getting your license.” You snorted at the statement, many months too late. He lightly chuckled, saying, “Yeah, I know. But even though we haven't exactly been working together, it's been nice having you at the agency. Nakagame won't shut up about her ‘cute new sidekick’, even though we’re all sidekicks.”

You snickered. “Looks like I'm stealing your friend. Maybe she'll be my hero partner when we graduate...”

Shindou rolled his eyes. “If anything, she's trying to steal you from me. Not like that’s gonna happen. You're my partner, got that?”

You lifted your head slightly from his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at him. “Oh, am I now?”

Shindou nodded. “I promised you, didn't I? I know I've been a major idiot lately,” he started, ignoring your muttered comment of “Yeah, no kidding...” and continuing, “but if the two of us work together we’re gonna top the charts in no time.”

You smiled at him, leaning back on his shoulder. “Well, I'm looking forward to that!” You closed your eyes and let out a breath, feeling the tension wash away from you. Shindou’s head tilted, resting atop yours. Things weren't perfect, and you would probably need to have a more in-depth conversation later, but for now, things were better.

“Oh, Shindou?”

“Hm?”

“I gotta say, your performance at the Sports Festival could've been better. We have a lot of work to do if we're gonna top the charts.”

“...Shut up...”

[alwida10]

The tragedy of Loki of Asgard

Or why I think the Infinity War Loki should stay dead.

TW: suicide, depression, narcissistic behavior

To understand this essay you need some basic understanding of the family dynamic in Odins family. The dynamic is one of a narcistic parent who has a golden child he projects his own awesomeness onto and a scapegoat child . The parent ensures himself the support of the golden child and makes himself the very center of attention, which is what a narcisst tribes for. The golden child longs to remain golden child and refrains from criticism of the parent. The scapegoat child strives to finally get out of the scapegoat position by pleasing the parent. To bad the child can’t do so because it gets not the blame because it did something wrong but because there must always be someone to blame. Therefore possible explanations and things the parent presented as desirable aren’t really that. Now, a golden child sooner or later gets used to blame everything on the scapegoat. It might even learn to control the scapegoat by blaming him the same way the parent did (aka the scapegoat longs for positive attention/affirmation and therefore does everything the golden child wants him to).

Now, in Thor Ragnarok Odin says ‘I love you my sons’ before he dies, placing the two of them more or less on equal positions for the first time ever. (I know there can be good arguments made, but just let’s assume it’s possition zero they start at.)

Pretty soon both end up on Sakarr, Thor in prison, Loki in the Grandmasters favors. Loki visits Thor in prison, suggesting teaming up, even though it endangers his position (the Grandmaster could hear about it, Thor would probably claim the higher position etc.) At that moment Thor doesn’t have anything to offer. Yet, he stonewalls, blaming Loki for all bad that happened. (For a much more detailed spot -on analysis please read this post where @i-dreamed-i-had-a-son even correctly predicted Loki’s death).

The whole dynamic in the prison is Thor falling back into the old family dynamic. Only that Odin is dead now, and the position of the prime narcisst is open. Now, narcissm is often correlated with abusive behavior, as written in ‘why does he do that? - inside they mind of angry and controlling men’ by Lundy Bancroft. In another post I found many of the things she describes can be observed in Thor’s actions in Thor Ragnarok.

But let’s get finally come to the elevator scene which is the heart piece of my explanation. Remember – Loki is at this point starved for any affirmation or positive reaction by his family. After Thor rejected Loki’s plan, he accepted Loki joining his plan. Thor lures Loki by claiming they should talk right before they enter the elevator. For a starving person this is huge temptation. But Loki did live with his family for eons and is certainly aware of it being a trap.

Right from his first appearance in Thor 1 (before the coronation) we learn that Loki never lowers his guard when it comes to admitting feelings. In that scene he said he loved Thor but directly glossed it over with a joke. After all what happened in Thor 1, Avengers and TDW Loki would never let himself appear weak by outright asking if Thor does still hold any positive feelings mg a for him. So he uses reverse psychology (claiming something against your own wishes, hoping the other disagrees and thereby affirms you.)

LOKI: Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.

The problem with reverse psychology is when the other person agrees with it, it hits you right where it hurts the most.

THOR: That's exactly what I was thinking.

LOKI: ...Did you just agree with me?

THOR: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother,you're going to do GREAT here.

Thor follows up by insulting Loki and pushing him away hard. Why? Because he knows Loki has nobody else to turn to. Even after TDW Loki returned to Asgard. For one part because he’s still loyal but certainly also for the lack of alternatives. And Asgard will always include Thor. Thor knows Loki won’t be able to leave him.

LOKI: Do you truly think so little of me?

Loki is hurt, obviously and it’s very much visible on his face. To make sure no blame can be laid open him, Thor uses gaslighting.

THOR: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me… I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. But he masks his feelings.

LOKI: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.

Thor pats Loki on the shoulder, placing the obidience disk. And this action proves that the manipulation on Thor’s part was intentional. Why else would he have done it? (Everyone claiming ‘Loki betrayed Thor endless times, please read this meta). Thor knew that by pushing Loki away hard enough he would trigger a desperate act of reactive aggression. He did so to push Loki back into his place (which is beneath him, as far Thor is concerned). As soon that has happened Thor gives his little self righteous speech.

THOR: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change.But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.

Briefly summarized:

you suck, and I don’t think you’ll ever be worth my affection. If you want to try tho, here is your option.

Of course, to prove Thor wrong Loki is forced to resume his subservant position he had at the beginning of Thor 1. He can only ‘prove his worth’ by doing Thor’s bidding and supporting his plans. And that he does. He convinces kork and his crew to join him and brings them to Asgard where he receives his reward by Thor acknowledging him in a not-aggressive way. He even fulfills Thor’s plan, knowing that henceforth he will be blamed whenever someone remembers Asgard’s destruction. In Thor’s ‘coronation scene’ Loki stands at the side, behind the Valkyrie (yet, still at the right side. That surprised me, tbh. The ‘right hand of the King’ is a prestigious title and I didn’t believe TW would have allowed Loki that. But he’s still only second on Thor’s right.)

Anyway, Loki is back in the position he had in Thor 1 with a lot of added baggage and no Frigga to rant to when everything gets to bad. And then Thanos appears. Under Thanos Loki would suffer even more than under Thor (remember the Other’s ‘no barren moon..’ speach.) So basically he’s caught between two horrible fates.

Loki’s death scene itself has been criticized a lot and everyone knows the butterknive-discourse. It can only interpreted in two ways: either him being stupid or him being suicidal. Based on all written above and the fact that he already tried to commit suicide at the end of Thor 1, I can only believe the second to be true.

It has another point: Tom said Loki’s arc was finished. I was confused and unhappy about this statement, but now I am coming to piece with it. Tom loves Shakespeare, including Hamlet and Coriolanus. Those are tragedies. Tragedies are characterized by the protagonist being ruined because of a dramatic conflict that leaves him only two choices, one being death and one being worse. So perhaps this is his very own version of the tragedy of Loki of Asgard.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I A THIRSTY INTERLUDE

First time reader click here

Bun Bun at 2:30 AM posting: This is 110% pornography. I wrote that when I was feeling extra thirsty over Tony and his Nano suit so yeah... A bit of choking a bit of mild suit bondage. Daddy kink 👉🏻👈🏻🥺 BDSM themes. Humor & porn. Has minimal correlation with the story and can be read as standalone smut-shot. Inspired by this NSFW tik tok audio (headphones!).

"OH MY GOD, NO! NO, NO, SHIT, FUCK, NO!"

"Princess, what's wrong?" Steve's worried voice rang high in the kitchen, followed by an alarming clattering of the dishes against the sink. "Are you hurt?" He didn't even remark on my use of profanity, which meant I'd startled the Captain for sure. He appeared in the doorway ready to fight, run; his eyes immediately drawn to his shield in the corner.

"Only what's left of my dignity," I sighed.

"Oh, okay," He visibly sagged, tension leaving his voice and his body. "What happened?"

I inhaled several times, feeling heat creep up my neck and blossom on my cheeks. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT, to make me feel embarrassed enough to fumble my words and palm my face but that was exactly what I did. "Well, umm... Tony found a couple of thirst tweets. Mine, from my sophomore year. And uh, retweeted them." I thought I'd cleaned up my social media quite well, actually. My fingers twitched remembering manually sorting through thousands of posts. Apparently, my fingers weren't clever enough.

Steve snorted, evidently having had someone tell him what a thirst tweet was. He, however, did not understand the sheer mortification that I would be subjected to at the hands of Tony. And my classmates. And Peter, oh my God. Natasha and Wanda too, probably. And Loki.

I. Was. Toast.

"How bad was it?" Bucky piped up, finally having dealt with the mini laughter fit.

"Not worse than what you two get up to in the gym when you think nobody is home," I immediately retorted in hopes of avoiding teasing from the metal-armed man. He would take the chance, of course, he would.

"Oof, I'm sorry, doll," Bucky whistled sympathetically. And promptly pulled out his phone, to, what I assumed, see the offending social media posts for himself. I assumed correctly. Bucky was bent over laughing in no time - was it my doing or did Tony's own commentary on them that made the whole situation so hilarious to the gramps on steroids?

"I will light you on fire," I seethed but remained where I was standing. There was no point in doing anything about them now. Screenshots were probably already being saved on everybody's devices.

Steve peeped over his boyfriend's shoulder, chuckling. "You had a crush on Tony? That's embarrassing, doll." He had the audacity to give me an innocent smile before returning to his dishwashing.

"Punk, I don't know if - and I quote: Not to be That Girl™ - it's trademarked, by the way - but Tony Stark could hit it and quit it and I wouldn't even be mad - qualifies as a crush." Bucky pointed out, the sound of his voice being drowned out by Steve's guffaws. "And this one definitely does not qualify for it to be a romantic setting. Listen: I'm not a fucking bottom, okay?.. there are seventeen question marks. But, like, can Tony Stark choke me in one of his Iron Man suits - nine more question marks." Bucky joined his partner's laughter, unable to continue.

I was literally on fire. My face burned, my hands shook. I had the strongest urge to stick my index fingers in my ears and loudly yell "la-la-la" until both fossils ceased to roast me like I was some sort of holiday brisket. "I hate you. I will burn... The heart... Out of you," I seethed.

"O-oh, honey bu-un, da-arling..." I heard Tony's sing-song voice happily calling for me. Too happily. Not good.

I had literal seconds to get myself scarce out of this situation. I'd already avoided the dozen text messages, two calls in hopes the engineer would drop the topic and go back to his Big Bad Science Project. I had underestimated his persistent desire to cause chaos and his terrible, no-good sense of humor.

It was fun and games when we teamed up to prank our friends. I just never expected for the tables to be turned this way, y'know? Betrayal of the highest quality. The turntables had been turned - decidedly NOT in my favor.

In a brief moment of panicked clarity, I opened one of the empty bottom cabinets in the kitchen. It took some uncomfortable folding and maneuvering but I got myself inside and pressed the door shut seconds before his footsteps made the distinctive noise of sneakers on tile.

"Capsicle, Terminator," I heard Tony greet the two laughing supersoldiers. "Have you seen my Princess?"

I melted a little bit at the way Tony called me his, I won't lie.

"Nope," Bucky lied shamelessly.

"She's in the empty cabinet," Steve chuckled at the same time. Top 10 anime betrayals, right there.

"Wow - and I thought we were friends," Tony scoffed, I assumed at Bucky. My body tensed and I prepared to dial-up my puppy eyes to eleven. My hiding spot was wack.

The door was roughly tossed open, my eyes landing on Tony's oil-stained jeans. He crouched down, his brown eyes positively sparkling. The engineer's body radiated smug mischief, fingers twitching in anticipation.

"Sorry, Princess is unavailable right now. May I take a message?" I said, pulling on the cabinet door and fully prepared to slam it shut in his face. I was NOT ready for any more mortification.

Tony's chuckle shook me to the core, louder and ten times more expressive in the cramped, dark space of my temporary lair. "Come on out, baby girl. I didn't peg you for a wallflower."

"Duly noted," I said warily, having been expecting for him to drag me out and carry me to his bedroom, caveman style. I had noticed that my dorky self revved up his gears faster than any stereotypical seductive shit. It was no secret, at least not for us 'vengers, that Tony was a huge dork himself but I guess it takes one to know one.

"So, my suits, huh?" He smirked after a brief moment and just like that, I Did Not Like Where This Was Going. The receding footsteps and quiet snickering only confirmed my suspicions. Tony's form blocked the opening of the cabinet, crowding me even further into the already cramped space.

"Um," I found myself pretty much speechless. Part of me was excited and yearning - of fucking course I was curious if Tony Stark, genius and former playboy, had found a way to incorporate his suits of armor into the bedroom. Daresay, it was the question of the decade, according to Cosmopolitan, GQ, and a whole lot of other large media outlets.

The more sensible part of me screamed shame for that, playing with an essentially massive, powerful destruction machine. Something meant to protect millions of people from bad guys and aliens. It seemed blasphemous to waste such an important thing on scratching a curious itch.

I blinked owlishly, squirming.

"Okay, out you go." Tony's patience had run out and he withdrew himself, promptly standing up.

I heard the tapping of his fingers as I ungracefully stumbled out. He was occupied with his tablet so I turned around to adjust myself and the things on the countertop I had accidentally jostled in my rush to preserve some dignity.

An arm snaked around my waist, cold and unyielding, brushing against my exposed midriff with metal fingertips. Goosebumps followed the touch as I shivered involuntarily, stuttering in my breathing. "Fuck." The sound came out as if it was punched out of my throat with force, breathy.

"What's your safeword?" Tony's neatly groomed beard scratched against my ear. His voice was heavy and his lips were moist.

"Banana," I blurted the first thing that came into my mind. My body was hot and yet, I froze in place. The sheer power that the man behind me contained demanded unyielding obedience. I had no choice but to comply.

"Friday, lock the door. Nobody but me, in and out." Tony growled, pulling my hips into his metal-covered form.

Were we really doing this in the communal kitchen? With Steve and Bucky probably fully aware of what exactly was going on in here? Tony seemed to have zero reservations about that; in fact, I was almost sure he'd orchestrated the whole thing somehow. Steve owed like a dozen favors to the engineer.

The thick of Tony's leg firmly wedged itself between my thighs, spreading them open just enough so I was forced to put a slight arch in my back to keep still, my ass and shoulders firmly pressing against his Iron Man suit. I felt the coldness of the metal through my clothes, heard the hum of the nanobots in my ears.

My blood responded, heartbeat pulsing in my ears in sync with the electrical currents supplying the man behind me with the immense physical power to match his mental one. "Shit," The sound of my voice was faint. His other arm began creeping up my side to my shoulders, making an unmistakable beeline for my neck.

Tony applied firm pressure on it, wrapping the gauntlet carefully - not restricting the airflow, just steering me as he wished. And apparently, he had some very strong ideas about my current predicament: "Got me right where you wanted me?" He asked, low and breathy.

As I attempted to make noise, his hand tightened on my throat. Eyelids involuntarily sliding closed, my lips shook with the force it took me to muster up enough oxygen to hum a sloppy. "Mhm..."

"Can't hear you, baby girl," His cheek rested against mine, scratchy and hot and smelling like iron and gasoline and Tony.

Another shaky breath, I attempted to force the words out - for some reason, Tony's presence commanded me to obey him like never before. I nearly shivered from the sheer aura of power surrounding my man and it was his cue to lessen the careful pressure on my throat - just enough for blood to rapidly rush to my ears, making the world even hazier. "Yeah, Tony," It didn't take me much time to give him the enthusiastic consent he was looking for.

"Uh-uh," Tony tutted cheerfully. His other arm snaked around my waist, dipping lower to play with the hem of my skirt. God bless me for wearing a skirt! The rough pads of his fingertips scratched against the soft, sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. "I think we're past first name basis, baby," The suit retracted, mostly. The nanotech allowed for different parts of it to cover Tony's body in odd places: I felt the gauntlets and the arm braces, as well as part of a chest plate, but waist down my man was wearing simple jeans and tee.

"Uh," My brain supplied unhelpfully, feeling the bulge pressing against my ass. "Daddy?"

"That's my girl," I was rewarded with a groan, so sinful and delicious, falling from his lips straight into my ear. The hand that had gone down south cupped the mound of my pussy with a tender gesture. "Or Iron Man's?" He teased, grinding into me from behind.

"Yours," I keened obediently, my body seeming to find it impossible to decide between rubbing myself on his hand and his cock. It was a hard choice - pun absolutely intended. I was long uncomfortable in my panties and Tony's clever digits surely felt it, yet he made no further moves. "Daddy," I tried to put how much I ached for him into words.

Tony hummed, placing his wet mouth on the juncture of my neck for a moment. His hot breath seared my skin. The curious fingers finally, finally, reached the apex of my thighs. "Fuckin' shit, baby, you're..." He didn't bother finishing the sentence, speaking with his actions instead, scissoring his fingers between my labia, running the knuckles over my clit.

Just to feel me pant and shiver. I was sensitive and so aroused it was nearly unbearable. Tony always made me feel some type of way and, once again, my man had outdone himself. There was no shame left in me as I shifted my hips to the rhythm of his hand.

"Please?" I asked him prettily, knowingly that one little word would get me everything I wanted. A hard fucking, a new dress, a car, or, Hell, my own private island. My eyes were pretty when I begged, he had said. I would move the world for you, he had meant.

"Baby," The whisper was rushed as Tony turned me around and claimed my lips, hoisting my ass onto the marble countertop of the common kitchens. My legs wrapped around his hips, seeking the warmth and relief of his skin on mine. I wanted him inside of me, inconvenient location and two layers of clothing be damned. I wanted to bury myself in him until either of us couldn't tell who started and ended where.

"Daddy," I whispered into the thin line of his mouth, conveying my all-consuming need in a single word.

My skirt was hiked up in a second, the gauntlets of his suit still on his hands tearing my pants in a single clean motion. Eagerly, I scooted forward to pop the button on his jeans; grateful for the fact more often than not, Tony choose to forgo the belt whatsoever when working in the lab. Today was my lucky day.

His cock, red and thick and hard enough to pound nails with, weighed my hand down for barely a second beforehand Tony's gauntlets closed around both of my wrists, securing them to my chest. His other arm swiftly wrapped around me, pulling me close to him, as close as we could be together without sharing a single body. The blunt tip of his manhood stood at my entrance - not just teasing it but seeking permission.

One keen that seemed to come from deep insight my chest and I felt Tony's breath hitch as our sensitive flesh met; he filled me up at least as superbly as I hugged him. We shared a moan and a breath, just feeling each other, feeling the moment.

We were short on patience. Tony's hand slid onto the small of my back, urging our hips to meet each other, setting a punishing pace from the very start.

"Fuck, Daddy, oh God," I panted. I wasn't used to getting things started with so little prep.

"Baby," Tony rumbled, trying for stern, having it come out as breathless as I felt. "Shit, so fuckin' tight," His words garbled.

The sound of flesh slapping flesh was loud, perhaps, loud enough for certain enhanced folk to hear should they happen to pass the kitchen doors - and if that didn't make my insides clench in the most delectable ways.

Tony grunted in response, a lewd noise adding to the cacophony. "Gonna come?" His teeth caught my bottom lip, pulling it slightly. "For Daddy?" He asked, all traces of his usual cockiness gone, as he pulled away slightly to stare right in my wide eyes with his baby doe browns, equally blown with lust and longing.

Neither of us would last. "Yes, fuck, Daddy, please," I begged.

His hips angled just right, Tony continued mercilessly railing me, holding up my weak body between his arms. I felt the cold metal of the gauntlets through my shirt. The shivers ran across my skin in heaps, like busy little ants.

"Come for Daddy," Tony ordered, yanking me closer to hit that sweet spot deep inside of me. I couldn't resist the command, feeling the waves build up with every brutal stroke, clenching, muffling the screaming of my release in the crook of his neck, relishing in the growl that left his lips as he followed me, releasing my arms and folding his torso over mine. "Fuck," Was the only coherent word that left Tony's mouth, his seed creating a sticky mess between our legs.

"Yeah," I moaned, unwilling to part from him. It was intense. My world was spinning on its axis and my Tony was the center of it. He said something again, something soft and quiet, and my only concern was to rub my nose on his pulse point, to savor and remember the smell of our shared pleasure.

"Baby..." Tony sounded... Concerned. He withdrew slowly, frowning at my sleepy state. His frown only intensified when I absentmindedly rubbed my wrists - there were bound to be some marks left from the force of his grip. It was hot and it was... A surefire way to tell the suits weren't really adapted for bedroom games. Kitchen games.

"Daddy," I mumbled, sounding sad and pathetic to my own ears. I kind of wanted to cuddle and watch a movie but it seemed weird asking that from Tony since we've done crazier things and I had never felt like this, never got this greedy.

"Oh, baby, c'mere," He had come to some sort of conclusion. After re-doing his pants and picking up the scraps of fabric that used to be my panties, his arms made a comfortable nest. I was picked up without any troubles; the gauntlets had disappeared, too, into the thin golden bracelets around his wrists. I allowed myself to play with them, the shiny colors doing a good job of distracting me all throughout the brisk walk through the main living room and the swift elevator ride.

Tony's bed was messy, unmade and smelled like us - just the way I had left it that morning. Tony's hands were gentle as he stripped me and then swiftly chucked his own clothes.

"Watcha' doin'?" I asked as he wrapped his body around mine.

"Shh, we'll talk later," He murmured, looking slightly dazed himself. "Friday, put Stardust on the TV. 25% volume," As soon as the command was spoken, one of my comfort movies began playing on the large screen. Tony's hand kept stroking my hair and I didn't resist the temptation to close my eyes, settling into a peaceful lull atop the glowing white-blue of Tony's arc reactor.

My favorite color in the world, to be honest. It felt like I'd slept for ages when I opened my eyes to see the color again. "Um, hi," I supplied meekly, feeling way out of my depths from my own strange behavior.

"Mornin', Princess," Tony seemed joyful, the bags under his eyes a little less prominent than before.

I made moves to get out of the bed but he wrapped an arm around me, tugging me closer. "What do you know about sub drop?" He questioned me, in response to my vaguely confused noises.

That's what it was?!

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