#there is no value i can ever see in the worthless lives of these exploitative parasites and i | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

notmuchtoconceal · 5 months ago

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American culture is an athlete worship cult. Nike, the Goddess of Personified Victory, is their patron.

To understand how idols and foreign gods get demonized throughout history, we can use this as a teaching moment. Picture being a nerd bullied by jocks (very difficult for most of you, I know.) Picture coming to the realization that jocks like to win. That some jocks are so singlemindedly fixated on winning, the resulting tunnel-vision makes them look possessed. Imagine in the resulting fallout reinforcing your own Ideal, or Highest Value (which one operates under and is motivated by, even Athiestically -- be it Love, Peace, Truth, Rationality, Desire, Freedom, the concept of You) and finding the courage, strength and active willpower to move on and continue to live in accordance with Your Beliefs, manifesting them into the world through Right Action which is authentic decision-making.

Now, imagine not really believing what you claim to believe. Imagine wanting to be kidnapped and indocrinated into the other team/tribe. Imagine wanting to be a winner, but being too weak, lazy or stupid to admit this is what you want, because you lack the strength to break your dependence on the false cult you were born into. Imagine doubling down and reinforcing to yourself that winning is bad and anyone who wants to win is evil. Imagine being terrified by the life and vitality manifest in even the most casual egoic striving of a more successful male. Imagine forming an inverse (read: Satanic) winner cult where you worship the concept of losing. Losing is right and being a loser is good. Not in the quasi-ironic sense of being an underdog and aware you were dealt a bad hand, for we implicitly understand an underdog to be playing the same game, but maybe developing more novel strategies or training harder. No. Imagine destroying yourself and worshipping failure because that seems easier than taking the difficult steps to change yourself and become the man you want.

Imagine singling out a single aspect of Divinity, for the Godhead is the Totality, and trying to live a life with that piece missing. Imagine living a life where you're constantly denying yourself success in all its forms because you've convinced yourself it's against your religion and feeling shame and self-disgust anytime you find yourself in a position to "win" by exploiting an opening or finding someone weaker.

Imagine making your own Devil, for you fail to realize the Devil is an aspect of God. That the men who bullied you were simply one-step above you and reacting to something within themselves through you. As if jocks really were the one-dimensional untouchable ideals you think they are, and the ones who feel like losers and beat you not themselves highly insecure, motivated desperately to be "winners" (at whose game, I ask you?) because they feel like losers. In a sense, all you've done is consent to be their shadow. You took the bait. You didn't think you can be one of them, but hating them brings you closer, at the cost of your soul.

Those who've done this spurn living symbiosis and have become plague carriers and parasites. A man who really worships Victory is Playing His Own Game, winning at His Own Life. He doesn't struggle with the difficulties of being both a player and a piece on the board because he's living in accord with his own Truth and performing Right Action.

Loser worship of this sort is what is historically known as "Necromancy", which like most words describing spiritual topics has two contradictory meanings. Christians are definitionally Necromancers in one sense, for their belief system revolves around the continuous process of Ressurection. A Necromancer in the opposite sense intended here is simply a worshipper of death. A hater of Life. One who sees Darkness as a means to revel in ignorance, rape minds and poison the land to deny you your autonomy and lived potential.

These people are the most stupid, worthless, miserable fuckers you will ever meet. They're Satanists in the worst sense of the word, not Adversarial to lead to Truth, but simply to spread their disease and kill whatever spark of life still exists within their empty husks cause any stimulation of the nerves which isn't rape is endless agony.

One who is in tune with Death in a positive sense sees it as a contrast and a complement to Life, much like a women to a man, or the geothermically inactive moon to the ever-fissuring sun. They don't wanna help you pass on or transition, they just want you and everything else to be fucking dead.

Understanding this, you can now play a fun game, seeing what might come up applying this information to any previously contradictory or volatile aspect of any world religion of your chosing, or just on people who are really annoying!

#nike #victory #false idol #necromancy #ressurection #fucking loser #usa! usa! usa!

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usertoxicyaoi · 2 years ago

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oh pete should definitely be the one to kill vegas' dad that would only intensify his obsession for him

hiiiii anon!!!

no listen. ive already talked about my absolute NEED in pete being the one to kill vegas' dad in cold blood here. but i guess i wanna be a little bit more fucked up about it. so here goes.

that Bastard. vegas' dad. has got so much POWER over vegas that even in his absence, vegas is embodying him. i've mentioned about how vegaspete perfectly emulate what cycles of abuse look like. vegas' dad abuses vegas and that leads to vegas abusing pete.

the show hasnt even GONE into the sexual abuse and sexual violence that vegas' dad put vegas through when vegas was still just a CHILD, getting him to sleep with grown ass men to fix and secure deals, but yeah, in my head, show! vegas is also a victim of sexual exploitation and sexual abuse too, bc the behaviours he shows .... feel too well orchestrated. too well practiced and tried out and experimented and experienced and lived. and it will not have me surprised one bit at all if vegas has done this to other guys too that he's slept with.

and in a way doing this gives him his turn. its his turn to have some power and control which he didnt have as a kid when he was being abused physically, mentally and sexually.

his dad did not stop it even once. and vegas has spent his LIFE sheltering macau from it all, so that macau doesnt go through the same things he did, just like an older sibling would do.

and you know what, there's gotta/gonna reach a point where vegas can't carry on any longer. he is gonna become exhuasted and pete even SAID that to him yesterday (is this the way you're supposed to be living? its upto you vegas, its your choice.). and yesterday we SAW vegas talk back to his dad and say to him (you think i wanted to be your son?).

and so vegas takes all that hurt and pain and history and hopelessness and helplessness for his situation and his anger and rage and grief and turmoil and sadness out onto pete. he once again calls him a pet. bc vegas himself has been used by his dad as one. pete's line about emotional projection? about being human and having feelings? vegas is the EXACT other side of it to their coin. its just that vegas doesnt see a way out of this cycle, but pete does. and vegas so BADLY would want to find some kinda loophole too, if only he could.

and its WEIRD. bc when vegas said to pete that just bc we had sex doesnt mean you can run your mouth, it somehow so very intrinsically paralleled with when pete said to vegas that his dad still didnt stop beating him up despite pete finally winning his boxing fight. like. even that is a cycle of abuse they've gone round. where pete is made to feel absolutely useless and worthless, his freedom and agency, the one thing he VALUES, completely taken away from him.

and this isnt about reclaiming it back again. pete cannot allow himself to go through that ever again. its about putting an absolute end. a FULL STOP to it. and if its about being with vegas, then in this case, it is about digging out that root and cutting it before it festers any longer. and oh god i SO badly need it to be pete to be the one that does it. he's got absolutely no attachments to that man. none. and itd just be swift and clinical. one bullet is all it'll take to blow his brains out or put a hole in his chest. just like how vegas' dad wanted vegas to kill pete, and handed the bullets in the gun to him to do so.

and pete sees it. HE SEES what vegas has the ability to be. and he SEES just what ONE visit from his father does to him. and he SEES what vegas needs. and what vegas doesnt need.

and what vegas doesnt need, is his father.

#faiza answers #vegaspete

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mahoushojoe · 3 years ago

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hmmmmmm thinking about zia rashid

first of all...holy shit, why is her name zia? there is not a single person in egypt named zia. zia is supposedly a girl born in a rural village in upper egypt. zia is just. not a name she would have. it's not egyptian. as far as i know it's not even middle eastern. like, sometimes people really nitpick stuff when criticizing these things online but this really isn't a nitpick, like. just common sense! common sense and respect for the culture and heritage you're exploiting for your cash cow franchise. the bare minimum. you didn't even have to deeply research Common Girl Names In Upper Egypt. You could have just named her, like, Sara or something, and it would have worked just fine.

like the reason the name is such a big deal is that zia is one of like, two egyptians in a series ABOUT egypt, and yet she's just...not. she doesn't feel egyptian. through her we know nothing about egyptian culture. her name is a Not Like Other Girls name. we don't know whether she's muslim or coptic. she's the Egyptian Rep but she's just Not Egyptian, and the fact that she has the personality of a piece of cardboard doesn't help. it feels like egyptian characters are often purposely distanced from being egyptian in media like this because a) the writers don't want to put in the effort to research and b) it would force them to confront the colonial implications of the media they're writing.

her village is like, comically orientalist- rick could have looked at a map of egypt and known that absolutely nowhere in egypt do they have places named in formal arabic like that. it's called village of the red sand, right? it's given this long mysterious sounding formal arabic name as a result, and just... it's not how egyptian place names works and it's also not how any place name would work, period. a more realistic thing would be if rick had put in the work to at least get an IDEA of the egyptian dialect of arabic -better yet, the UPPER egyptian dialect. Like if the village was called Raml Ahmar it would have been like. Believable. Grounded. And like, in Zia's childhood, supposedly this entire village gets like eaten by sand or something, and... there. Nobody notices. Like if something like that happened in the US it would be a huge deal and everyone would know about it, but since egypt is this like, Desert Of Mystery, things like this just happen and nobody cares I guess.

zia herself isn't even in the books like 60% of the time. like she's either a puppet or like, in a magical coma or something, and when she IS there she's this like Quiet Strong Girl Of Few Words so she doesn't really have a personality beyond being a #girlboss. she is very open to going on dates with a boy and KISSING him at some point even though a girl from upper egypt wouldn't be caught DEAD publically doing those kinds of things, culturally speaking. on that note, zia doesn't know what a mall is. egypt has malls. zia lives in cairo iirc and cairo does, in fact, have several LARGE malls. so all this converges to show zia as this Mysterious Girl From The Third World(tm) and again, as mentioned before, to distance her from her being egyptian.

so like these all seem like nitpicky details, but they all converge to send a message: rick does not care about egyptian culture enough to research it. since the people of modern egypt are poor and brown and all the cool ancient stuff can be conveniently stolen and whitewashed, egypt has no value to him besides being an occasional setting. and it rubs salt in the already gaping colonial wound left by the british and the french and the ottomans and whoever else took a chunk out of us and left us to bleed- which is: exploit egypt for the artifacts and degrade and disrespect the rest.

i'm gonna be honest- i wasn't expecting perfect egyptian rep from a white american man and i wasn't looking for it from him either. but what grates on me is disrespect. what grates on me is laziness. tkc is probably gonna be a lot of kids' introduction to egypt and this is the message it leaves in their head; this is the mindset, that egypt is worthless and only the ancient artifacts are worth taking seriously. and then that devolves into the way tourists and expats arrive here asking to be treated like royalty and treating the locals like shit and paying them pennies. it devolves into museums refusing to give us OUR artifacts that they LOOTED during imperialism. it devolves into the microaggressions i face on the internet every day, where I cannot talk about the serious problems this country faces every day without some annoying american making a king tut reference or whatever. tkc isn't the reason behind all of this, it's far from the only media that has ever done this, it's not even the worst offender. but it feels bad to constantly see the blatant disrespect people have for you and your heritage and it feels bad to constantlyq have it relegated to a joke pop culture reference and it feels bad to be constantly spoken over.

again: im not waiting for representation from riordan or his ilk. i don't need his crumbs. but the disappointment i felt when reading about zia was real, and so was my irritation at her characterization and the way it's supposed to represent me.

tl;dr when you write a book about a colonized and exploited country and people, please afford them a little fucking respect. the bare fucking minimum. this is why i'm not at all excited for the upcoming tkc adaptation and for my own sake i won't be engaging in it, although i dread the upcoming pop culture wave that will happen as a result.

#tkc #the kane chronicles #zia rashid #egypt #rrcrit #rr crit #rick riordan #rick riordan critical #tkc crit #tkc critical #there better not be derailments and other foolishness in the notes i SWEAR to god

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obsidiancreates · 3 years ago

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Ed's Sea Cred

(Role Swap AU, with a fun twist later...)

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The Most Feared Pirate Of The Seven Seas. Ruthless, cunning, a pirate no man has ever crossed and lived to tell the tale of. Evidence of his exploits stain the seas everywhere a ship sails, the waters below filled with the corpses of those who dared approach his ship.

Edward Teach closes the book and sighs. Hopefully those titles will be his someday.

He tucks the book back onto the shelf and splashes the whole thing with lamp oil before setting it ablaze. The ship has been looted for everything else of value, after all. And Izzy told him months ago that luxuries like books aren't very pirate-like to steal. He'd be a laughingstock if he did.

So though he knows his mother would have loved for him to have a small book collection at some point in his life, he walks away from the burning shelf as the rest of the ship's corridor catches fire as well.

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"That was a good raid, I think," Ed says as he observes the loot pile. "Should bolster our reputation a bit."

Izzy nods. "Maybe it's time we visit the Republic. See what's being said about you."

"Not a bad idea. Can pick up more crew, too. Think I heard a couple of them talking about mutiny."

"Want me to take care of it, Captain?"

"Yeah. Make it quick, though. Show that they're less than worthless and all that, I dunno. Make it intimidating."

"Right, sir."

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Okay... so maybe he allowed himself one book. Just one. One book... about the most feared pirate alive. Already known as the most feared pirate in history, because none can imagine a pirate could ever come around more worthy of title.

One book, about The Gentleman Pirate.

Sometime he reads it before he sleeps. It's a short book, because there's no firsthand accounts except for those who left his crew on good terms, and they seldom said much about him, if they spoke of him at all. Probably to keep those terms as good ones.

It's mostly a collection of myths, really.

He never gets dirty, no matter how much blood is shed. He can destroy a vessel without ever boarding it. He can see an attempted kill coming from miles away and always avoids it and returns it hundred fold. Some say he's not even a man, but a collection of fine silks and metals always seeking fellow fine things to liberate.

Ed doubts it. But it'd be interesting if it was true.

He rarely goes aground, so only a few establishments have ever had him inside, and he never goes into taverns. No, he's a Gentleman Pirate. Such places are below him, of course.

Some say he's the ghost of an aristocrat who drowned at sea at the hands of pirates, and has become one as a revenge. Ed think that one's stupid, not even interesting like the living silk one.

He closes the book and tucks it under his floorboard. When he'd stolen this ship it was pretty banged up, and he'd left some pieces of it in disrepair. Both for the intimidating aesthetic, and for ease of hiding things. Knives, extra guns, extra rations... and his book.

Besides. He's only been a pirate for a little over a year, after a long life of poverty and servitude finally made him just snap. So the older his ship looks, the more experienced foes and new crew presume he is.

After all, who would serve under a middle aged man who became a pirate on a whim? Idiots, that's who. So to not attract idiots, he has to look the part.

Luckily he's got Izzy. Man's an experienced pirate, and a good guide. Even if he's harsh sometimes in his... advice. But a pirate's life is a harsh one, so it's tolerated.

For now.

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"What's this?"

"Oh, just some gossip we heard at the port. Yeah, this one is from Jim, they heard there's some new pirate around making a big name for himself."

"Really? Tell me about him, then!" The Captain smiles widely, ready for a good story.

Lucius sighs and thinks. "Um... I think they said the guy is around your age, maybe a little older."

"Oh, excellent! I do hate seeing young folks get wrapped up in this sort of business."

"Um. Aha. I'm-I'm young."

"Yes, but you were already a pirate when we met. It's different."

"I mean, he probably was too, this guy. Not like someone just becomes a pirate captain out of nowhere, so."

"It could happen, I think, with enough passion, oh, and zest for adventure! What else have you all heard?"

Lucius blows out a breath. "I think he's trying out names right now? No-one really had a name to give us other than his beard was dark and he had like, a lot of tattoos, and some weird leather outfit with like, only one sleeve."

"Oooh, a rough-cut type! I like it!"

"What else, um... very fierce, apparently. Already has a lot of respect among most of the community, I guess. Good things all around, cold-blooded killer and all that."

"Really? Wow, and how long has he been around for?"

"Like a year or something."

"Only a year, and people already like him?"

"Yeah I guess, and um, someone heard they're on their way to the Republic soon."

"They are? Well, let's head that way as well!"

"... Really?"

"Yes! I want to meet this new up-and-comer!"

"What if he's um... a bit rude?"

"We'll deal with that if it arises. But I have a good feeling about this! Onto the port of the Republic!"

#Our Flag Means Death #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic #Stede Bonnet #edward teach #stedebeard #Blackbeard #blackbonnet #blackstede

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the-nysh · 4 years ago

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Translation is out!! Ahhh the sisters!!!

!! 🥺 Oh man, I definitely had more feelings to elaborate! Baby Tatsu’s expressions in particular really got to me....from seeing her on the verge of despair, and probably the first (and last?) time we’ve ever seen her cry... ;o; Truly, in such direct contrast to her more emotionally closed off and self-assured, independent adult self, she was only 10 here (the same age as Tareo!), yet she was already prepared to give up and ready for that rampaging monster to end it. D: After feeling abandoned by her parents for selling her off, and doubly abandoned by the research scientists for deeming her ‘useless’ with no potential (ack?!) for not using her powers. (Really now, for a distraught/stressed kid who perhaps felt betrayed by those who loved her, it’s not unreasonable to think why she wouldn’t/couldn’t use her powers here. That, or she willingly refused to be ‘used’ by others like that.) Ohh man;;; either way, for a kid that young, it’s messed up how this experience probably made her feel like her life was worthless aside from having psychic powers. ;o; Like she had no other value, and that no one else even cared about her, so what was the point? Ahhh...

At least, until Blast intervenes and reminds her she does have someone important (to live for~) who still needs her protection. :’)) Baby Fubuki, likely also in the same boat as her, cause if their parents give Fubuki up too for developing powers, then ack, how could Tatsu ever stand for that happening again!? (But how did Blast know about Fubuki and Tatsu having powers? Unless he was well-informed for his rescue/retrieval infiltration of the base, or he could sense/read Tatsu’s feelings from patting her head. 👀 Telepaths are not unheard of in ONE’s verses by the way...)

So from this, I can see how some of Tatsu’s complexes may have formed, from her over-protectiveness towards Fubuki stemming from these deeper abandonment issues from her childhood, to her views of ‘usefulness’ and competency as a hero. (Encouraged and validated by Blast who inspired her.) Not trusting others to get close (including how she views Fubuki’s followers too) cause she thinks they only want to use/exploit her for her powers, doubled with that fear of being deemed ‘useless’ (worthless/abandoned) by others again if she doesn’t make herself useful either (cause Tatsu’s quite the workaholic as well.) You see that kinda layered catch 22 here with Tatsu’s situation, motivations, and sense of responsibility? Uwaah!

But that’s not all! We get some insight from Fubuki’s side as well, because rather than being in fear of Tatsumaki (in an oppressive/controlling/smothering way as it came off in the webcomic), it shows manga Fubuki genuinely caring and fearing for Tatsu’s safety and wellbeing instead. :O (Their sisterly love/bond going both ways.) Cause while the other S Class heroes are mostly standing around, idling there as they catch up and regroup, Fubuki’s like, ‘ok guys your reunion may be touching and all, but my sister’s in danger and on the verge of passing out!!’ (Thank you Genos and Drive Knight for being like, the most mobile and active duty heroes currently doing something to fight and support Tatsu!)

We see Fubuki form a telepathic mental connection (has she always been able to do that?! :O) to talk to her sister and assure her that help is on the way....which, combined with Tatsu’s belief from Blast’s past words not to rely on anyone coming to help (an interesting parallel Garou also shares), is a nice change to see that support flip and come from the baby sister Tatsu had once sworn to protect herself. :’))

It’s heartwarming to see that yes, someone does care for Tatsumaki (she’s not abandoned unlike in the past~), and that even all-powerful herself, she’s not alone or exempt from receiving help either (contrary to her beliefs and motivational mantra/memory of Blast’s words), because those who care for her -Fubuki especially here- genuinely want to help. :’) There’s a fond look of recognition on Tatsu’s face as she hears Fubuki’s words of support, before going all Mob100% mode with invigorated determination to keep going~ There’s more fuel left in her reserve and this time, adult Tatsu hasn’t given up yet!

#opm #tatsumaki #fubuki #manga spoilers #commentary #Anonymous #replies #long post #waaah let's go~ i'm so glad to see this more layered approach to manga tatsu's character :')#ONE giving his girls the attention and characterization they deserve? yes please; manga tatsu has benefited from this greatly!

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thebmatt · 3 years ago

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FFXIV Write 2021 prompt #21: Feckless

Feckless – lacking initiative or strength of character; irresponsible.

Since confessing to her how she had felt about her daughter all those years, ago, F’lhaminn had insisted that Fearless have a meal with her at least one time a week, unless she had world-saving that she couldn’t get away from. Aside from their exile to Ishgard, where F’lhaminn herself had to flee to Radz-at-Han, the pair hadn’t missed one yet.

F’lhaminn often told stories of Minfilia growing up or of her own exploits as a younger woman. Fearless passed on stories of the sights she saw in the far east or crazy tales of living with two girlfriends. F’lhaminn loved those, happy to laugh at the trio’s exploits or give advice when they encountered problems.

Today the pair were sharing a meal over the cafe’s Doman specialities. Fearless had been curious to see just how good Raulf had gotten with his wife’s traditional dishes, mostly to see how well Makoto would enjoy herself if Fearless would ever be able to bring her here.

Her first taste of the ramen had convinced her that he had gotten really good.

She was just about the comment on it to F’lhaminn when a Lalafell approached their table. “Feckless Willow?”

The two women shared a look, then Fearless turned to angrily address him. “It’s Fearless. Now what do you want?”

“Oh, Twelve, I’m so sorry! The writing on this envelope is atrocious, I honestly could not tell what the name said! I meant no offense, I swear!”

Fearless sighed. “It’s fine. You have something for me?”

“Yes, ma’am. Please sign here.” He handed her a clipboard. Fearless looked it over, but she only grasped a few phrases such as “signee agrees that parcel was delivered intact” and the like before she wrote her name on the line indicated.

She handed it back to him. “Excellent, ma’am, thank you very much. And here you are!”

He passed a thick envelope to her. She frowned. “Why have someone deliver this to me? Don’t most people rely on the Moogle Post?”

The Lalafell smiled proudly. “Afraid the Moogle Post hasn’t quite caught on in Aerslant, ma’am. People over there still trust Mariner Couriers to handle their mail and deliveries! After all, moogles are known to get distracted occasionally, not to mention become prey for any number of vicious predators! Wouldn’t you rather trust a professional?”

His beaming expression was met with expressions of distaste from the two women, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he spun smartly on his heels and walked off.

Fearless turned to look at the envelope, inwardly sighing. Aerslant doubtless meant her parents. She’d thought that chapter of her life was over when Rheika had stopped their final attempt to bring her home against her will. What the hells did they want now?

“Are you going to see what it is?: F’lhaminn asked.

“I don’t know if I really want to. It’s probably from my parents” Fearless replied.

F’lhaminn looked at her with a mixture of concern and curiosity. “You…haven’t spoken of them. Not with me, at least. Unless I’m not recalling it?”

Fearless shook her head. “No, I prefer talking about good things with you. They…are very much not.” She tore open the envelope. Inside was a literal ream of parchment, all bearing very official looking printing, except the top sheet, which was handwritten in her father’s very blocky, no nonsense writing style.

To: Ms. Syhrwyda Ahldblaetwyn aka ‘Fearless Willow’ Re: Rights of Inheritance and Succession

This letter is to inform you that, per your wishes, as expressed via one Rheika Aliapoh, your status as legal inheritor of the Lost Mountain Shipping Company and of the personal fortunes of its owners, Master Ahldblaet Fyrilberksyn and Lady Usynwyda Holaszirnwyn has been rescinded.

Attached is a copy of the paperwork that has been filed with all relevant government bodies.

Signed, Ahldblaet Fyrilberksyn

Fearless reads it then wordlessly hands it off to F’lhaminn. She reads through it, then looks up to Fearless in horror. “What…what happened, Fearless?”

Fearless tells her the full story. How her parents showed her nothing in the way of love, unless she met their exacting, strict standards. How they’d removed her from school far too early and into an apprenticeship with her father. How when she’d failed to meet his even more exacting standards over his business within mere weeks of the new arrangement, he’d declared her useless. How her mother had forced her in etiquette c lasses following that debacle, intending only to marry her off so that the company could pass to a son they would trust to lead the company when they could no longer do so.

She’d kept her head down for most of it. When she finally was able to look up, she saw something she’d never witnessed before.

F’lhaminn was furious.

“That is….I just….Oh, my GODS what a horrible pair of fools! How…how does someone value a living person they created so little as to not care about them beyond what they can do for you? Useless? USELESS? Literally, look at what you have accomplished with the love and support of your friends! And….and they not only can’t be bothered to be proud of you, they don’t even believe it? I…I’m sorry, Fearless, but your parents are absolutely the worst. You don’t deserve what they’ve done to you, and they don’t deserve the brilliant, compassionate, and stalwart daughter they were given.”

Fearless smiles, eyes watered. “T-thank you, Lhaminn. That means a great deal, coming from you.”

The pair hugged. When Fearless did finally let go, she wiped a tear from her eye that had managed to escape. “You know, it’s rather funny, but my mom was quite the admirer of yours. You were popular even that far from Ul’dah, and her friends were all devotees of your songs, so of course she had to be. My father considered your music…frivolous, I think he said, but he couldn’t ever deny mother anything, so all of your orchestrion rolls eventually made their way into our home.”

*”Is that so?” Lhaminn’s face smiled into an evil grin

“And you’re certain of the identity of the sender, creature?”

“Absolutely, kupo! Any moogle worth his pom that’s worked in and around Ul’dah would know the Songstress by sight, and I have for a good number of years! It was definitely her that gave me this letter and bade me make the journey to you, kupo.”

Ahldblaet looked at the letter. A missive from this Songstress of Ul’dah his wife was always raving about. Well, used to, he supposed. She’d retired some time ago, and while she was still somewhat popular, other, newer performers had come to occupy most of the conversations of the social elite. Still, this should make her happy. “Thank you, moogle. Now begone before you shed on my floor or something.”

“How rude! Very well, a good day to you!” With a huff, the moogle activated a teleportation spell and then winked out of sight.

“Wife! We’ve a letter!” he called

His wife, Usynwyda, soon joined him in his office. “Who is it from?”

He simply handed her the sealed envelope. She gasped “The Songstress herself?? What….whatever could this be? Oh, perhaps she is touring again and has given us a personal invitation? Or maybe we are to be her guests at a formal dinner?”

He nodded. Certainly it would be something of that nature, they were quite important people after all. “Well, go on then. Open it and let us find out!”

She opened the envelope and began reading. Her gleeful expression soon turned to shock, then slid into horror as she made her way through the letter’s contents. She dropped the letter and fled the room, screeching in abject horror.

Perplexed, Ahldblaet picked up the letter and began reading.

To Ahldblaet Fyrilberksyn and Usynwyda Holaszirnwyn,

It has come to my attention that the pair of you are great admirers of my performances. I was thus inspired to pen you this missive to express my feelings on your contributions to the world.

Unfortunately, I am but a well trained vocalist, and have little knowledge on the worlds of business or cargo shipping, so I feel I am unqualified to speak on your successes there. However, there is a challenge that all of us have undertaken that I can speak on, that of parenthood. While I have given birth to no children of my own, I did adopt and raise an orphaned young woman to adulthood to become a brilliant woman determined to see the threats to our star defeated and it’s people saved.

You, on the other hand, have a daughter who has become equally brilliant and determined in spite of your parental failures.

I cannot even begin to comprehend how someone can look at a child that they created and brought into this world and see her as you have seen yours. I have heard the tales of your lack of warmth, of caring for this girl. How you derided her as worthless, useless, in the face of a single failure, regardless of its nature. How you wielded her like she was mere property for any chance it would increase your own profits.

Is it any wonder, then, that the moment she fled your presence, she blossomed? That she has become a hero to people not only across Eorzea, but the far eastern lands of Othard and Hingashi as well? I have heard, however, that you do not believe these claims. That she is a Warrior of Light, chosen by the Mothercrystal herself as a champion. That she has risen to this lofty title multiple times over, slaying summoned gods that would drain this star’s very life, driven Garlean forces out of Ala Mhigo and Doma and other former Imperial provinces, ended a thousand-year war between Ishgard and Dravania, and far more.

I do not comprehend how you can so utterly fail to see the truth of your daughter, but the fact is that I, and many others, are quite capable of doing so. You see, our daughters were became close before mine unfortunately passed, and during our shared grieving, I have come to regard her as my own as well. If you are so willing to discard the absolutely beautiful treasure that is Fearless Willow, then I shall be happy to care for her as best I can. Any mother worth the name would be proud of her for what she has become.

Retired though I am, I still have a number of friends in the publishing business, and I still talk with them often. During these conversations, I will more than likely end up speaking of Fearless. You know how mothers get, we can’t help but gush about our children’s successes and the hardships they’ve overcome. The Warriors of Light are always a newsworthy topic, and I imagine more than a few of them will run stories on her. Of course, they’ll all do their due diligence and dig up as much as they can in the name of getting all of the details right. They’re very thorough that way. Why, I’d expect articles about her in any number of periodicals soon.

Ones that I know for a fact have circulation on your own shores.

I’m curious how your social peers and business partners will react when they doubtless see your names in the story. Aren’t you?

I’d wish you the best of luck, but I would be lying.

Sincerely, F’lhaminn Qesh

PS. I wouldn’t bother saving this missive. I had an alchemist prepare the ink. Within a few minutes of it being opened, it will dissolve entirely. Don’t be holding it when that happens.

Even as he read the postscript, Ahldblaet saw the paper begin crumbling as the alchemical concoction did its work. He threw it to the stone floor, and within seconds, it had vanished as though it had never existed.

He hmphed. They could get in front of this. Who would believe the word of some woman from a far-off land over important people such as they? Perhaps his wife’s social standing might suffer, but eventually those parasites would come crawling back. Their trading partners were intelligent, savvy folk that were well trained in spotting truth from fiction, they’d see through such a ridiculous hatchet job. Honestly, he’d be surprised if anyone would believe this fiction about their runaway feckless former daughter.

Time to go reassure his wife.

#Final Fantasy XIV #FFXIV 2021 Writing Challenge #Fearless Willow #F'lhaminn Qesh #I know I said I was probably done writing about these awful people #But a friend gave me the idea of someone calling her Feckless Willow by mistake and this came out #Plus it was a good excuse to show her relationship with Flhaminn #Do not mess with her daughters #ninja edit sorry for the lack of read more link!

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astoldbygingersnaps · 5 years ago

Text

On Petco and COVID-19:

I’ve seen a lot of stories and reports about various companies and how they are treating their employees poorly in the wake of COVID-19, but to my surprise I haven’t seen anything about my company, Petco. I suppose it makes sense, given that Petco isn’t as large a company as Target, Starbucks, or Walmart, but I believe people should know what we as partners have been dealing with since the outbreak really picked up steam in the US.

Before I detail exact what my personal struggle with the company has been, I’d like to make one thing clear: I am a hard worker. I have spent five years of my life--half a decade--dedicating myself to this company. I am both a dog trainer and a keyholder, and I take both of those duties very seriously. Nothing means more to me than taking care of pets and their people, and I pride myself on providing the best care and service to our guests as possible. So when I say that this entire situation is forcing me to abandon my job out of disgust for the way I and my fellow workers have been treated, I want you to understand how much that means.

I love the work that I do, but that does not change the fact that I, along with many other Petco partners, have been exploited, dismissed, and outright lied to during this crisis. While I understand that we are living in a dangerous and chaotic time that is difficult to navigate, such a fact makes it all the more necessary to treat people with dignity, compassion, and respect. I do not enjoy putting an organization that I have given so much of my heart and soul to on blast, but the events of the previous month have made it clear that Petco as a company does not care whether or not its employees or even its customers are harmed or killed because of their negligence.

For almost a month our concerns have been ignored, belittled, and redirected, and the little action that has been taken has been incredibly delayed and led to even more confusion. Furthermore, we’ve had little clear guidance on what we, as partners who work in retail stores, should be doing to take care of ourselves and our guests.

It is also worth noting that our CEO, Ron Coughlin, was sending out emails to Petco Pals Rewards members in the beginning of March claiming that stores would be instructed to disinfect and clean regularly, but no such instructions were ever given. We never received any emails or forms of internal communication telling partners on how they should be cleaning, and because of this my own store took time out of our day to develop a cleaning schedule and shared our template throughout the district. Again, this is something we did OURSELVES, NOT something we were explicitly told to do. So, if you don’t care about how retail workers have been treated, at least care that you, as a customer, have been lied to.

From the beginning, there has been a very clear divide in how store partners have been treated compared to corporate/office workers. While corporate/office workers have the luxury of working from home with full benefits and are allowed to perform social distancing to the CDC’s guidelines, we are not so lucky. Again, I understand this, to a point: because of their positions they are able to perform their jobs from home while we are not. But such a decision was consistently framed as “difficult” and “emotional,” which, frankly, is bogus. What’s so hard about giving your employees access to work from their personal computer? And what’s so difficult for them anyway considering they’re not the ones who have to come in contact with the public day after day?

Through the second week in March, numerous communications were spread throughout the company on our internal Workplace service, each one more inadequate and inefficient than the last. The worst was a ten minute long video where our CEO repeatedly stated that “pets are our main priority” and described over and over again how we simply MUST stay open for our customers. It wasn’t until the very end of the video that any mention was given to partners at all. The entire post was incredibly off-putting and made me, as a partner, feel incredibly undervalued.

What made things worse, however, were the comments under the video. Floods of partners shared their concerns and disappointments. Many of them cited having young children or older relatives at home, or were immunocompromised themselves, and worried about the danger that working in a retail environment put themselves and their loved ones in. And what was the company’s response? To tell these people over and over to simply “partner with their district manager if they were worried.” That’s it. No direction, no guidance, no words of comfort. Nothing. One person was even accused of simply not having a desire to work rather than, I dunno, A FEAR OF CONTRACTING AND SPREADING A DEADLY ILLNESS.

The post in question (all names have been blacked out to respect privacy):

It was some of the most vile behavior I have ever witnessed, both from upper management and lower-level employees like myself who were displaying an almost slavish devotion to a company that was so ready and willing to dispose of them. Multiple people stated they were proud to work for our company in this moment, which was utterly baffling to me, as I had never felt more worthless to Petco than I did seeing those messages.

So! Let’s talk about partnering with your local leader! (Spoiler alert: it’s fucking useless)

On March 15th, my direct supervisor and I made a call to our district leader to “discuss our concerns.” What followed was thirty minutes of our life wasted where we were told the exact same thing as we had been told via the Workplace post: no partner would lose their job for taking time off if they displayed symptoms or came into contact with a person who had COVID-19 (the absolute bare minimum, in my opinion), but they would be required to either take a fourteen day unpaid medical leave or use their personal PTO and sick time to cover the cost. Around this time I was both showing symptoms (dry cough, fatigue, shortness of breath) and learned that my fiancee, whom I live with, came into direct contact with someone with the illness via her work. The possibility of contracting COVID-19 was especially worrying for us, as my fiancee has severe asthma and I have scarring on my lungs from chronic bronchitis; were we to get sick, the consequences could be severe. It’s even more concerning given that the state we live in, Massachusetts, has one of the highest rates of infection in the US and hospitals are in danger of becoming overwhelmed. Therefore, I decided to make what I believed was the most responsible and ethical decision, and went on leave.

Fortunately, I am lucky; as a full-time worker who has been with the company for many years, I have accrued enough PTO and sick time to cover the weeks that I would be gone for. But many people who work for this company are not so lucky. Many are part-time workers who are not entitled to benefits, and some are full-timers who may have already burned through their paid time off as it resets on the anniversary of your hire date. So now these workers, like many other workers across the country, are being asked to choose between taking care of themselves and their community or putting food on the table. It is absolutely inhumane, especially given that last time I checked our CEO is worth more than two million dollars--yet the rest of us are forced to worry about paying our rent and feeding our families while we do the dirty work on the front lines.

Since I initially took leave, this has been amended, and employees who have been affected by COVID-19 have been given access to 40 hours of sick time, regardless of their status as full or part-time. But that only covers one week of the mandatory self-isolation period, meaning partners are still at risk of losing money.

Time and time again we have been told how much our overlords value us. We have been thanked, we have been praised, and we have had so many meaningless words and tiny gestures thrown at us. Sure, our store hours have been cut and we’re offering curbside pick-up to reduce foot traffic in certain stores (my store, a smaller Unleashed location, doesn’t qualify for curbside pick-up, because of our size). Sure, changes have been made to the dog training program to freeze classes and puppy playtime for the time being. And sure, there has been a partner assistance fund opened to support partners in these ~trying times. I applaud the company for making these necessary changes and for putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to donating directly to us.

But in a lot of ways, it’s too little, too late, and so many of these services remain inaccessible to all partners. Hell, partners have even been policed about when they can actually utilize their own personal sick time even though we are in the middle of a global health crisis.

Even for those of us who have done everything exactly as we were supposed to, we are still getting screwed. Currently, I’m battling with Petco HR to get paid for the first week of my self-isolation as, even though I submitted all my time off requests accurately, none of it was reflected in my paycheck; because we get paid by-weekly, I have yet to see whether my second week will be covered, but I suspect I will have to battle for that as well. As a person who lives paycheck to paycheck in one of the most expensive cities in the country, I quite literally can’t afford this right now. But, of course, the HR team is off work right now because of COVID-19, because unlike us they have that luxury.

In addition to this, I’ve also been prevented from coming back to work because our Leaves Coordinator now claims I need a doctor’s note to return to work even though I have it in writing, from paperwork directly from the Leaves Department, that I do not, as evidenced here:

I would also like to note that I confirmed that I would be returning to work on the afternoon of March 27th and received an automatic reply that I would hear from a representative in 24 to 48 hours. I did not, in fact, hear back from a representative until March 30st at 11:59pm EST, ten hours before I was scheduled to return to work, as you can see here (again, I am hiding my personal information as much as possible to try and avoid retaliation from my employer):

While I understand delays given that our HR and Leaves Departments are no doubt bogged down given how many employees are currently in the same boat as me, it does not change the fact that I am suffering because of their lack of action.

It would be one thing if the facts had been clearly communicated from the very beginning, but as you can see that’s very much not the case. Instead, I’ve been jerked around, lied to, and, again, had my pay withheld. Every day I spend at home fighting with these people is another day of pay I lose and cannot get back. Words cannot express how terrible this whole experience has been. I’ve cried nearly every day and been so anxious and depressed I’ve literally vomited from the stress. All the years I’ve spent building my career and taking care of clients while earning money for this company and this is the thanks I get in return. It is quite literally sickening.

Throughout this entire process I and many of the Petco employees in my area have been treated like absolute garbage. The stores in our district are running on fumes because so many partners are sick and/or on leave. Employees are running entire stores on their own and not getting breaks because we’re so short-staffed. One store in our district even closed down because a groomer tested positive for COVID-19 leading to the entire store shutting down and being professionally cleaned... and then re-opened almost immediately, causing even more of a burden on the remaining employees scrambling to cover all these near-empty locations. Our technology is over-loaded and crashing because it can’t bear the weight of our increased Buy Online, Pick Up In Stores (BOPUS) and curbside pick-up orders. It’s absolute insanity and it needs to stop.

I am not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last, but the crisis we are currently experiencing has starkly exposed how broken our economic and social structures truly are. Along with doctors, nurses, and medical care professionals working in hideous conditions to keep the rest of us healthy and safe, the people who contribute the most to our communities are those that have traditionally been looked upon as unskilled and overall less-than: janitors, housekeepers, garbagemen, cashiers, shelf-stockers, etc. Very quickly public perception has turned, and now society as a whole knows what those of us who work these types of jobs have always known: we are essential. We have the power in society. And we should use that power to defend ourselves and each other, which is why I’m writing to you now. By shining a light on the flaws and failings of this company, I believe we can hold them and others like them accountable and demand better, because we absolutely deserve it.

The bottom line is this: if you care about workers’ rights, if you value the safety and lives of your fellow humans, and if want to slow the spread of this disease that has upended everything we hold dear, don’t go to Petco. Don’t reward this company’s bad behavior with your money because they have proven they do not deserve it.

#petco

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ardenttheories · 5 years ago

Note

Hope you get better soon! When you have time, can you get your thoughts on Knight of Life? I’ve been rethinking my classpect recently and I’m vibing with that one most at the moment. Love your analysis work!

Of course!

Life is the Aspect of Life, Energy, Wealth, Prosperity, Motivation, Desire, Growth, Healing, Power, Luxuries, and Liberation.

Knights of Life are those who Protect with/Protect Life. They are also those who Weaponise Life, and those who Exploit Life.

Knights of Life are infinitely peppy people. They’re go-getters, always on the go, never stopping for a single second; it must be exhausting watching them, let along trying to keep up with them, because they’re just filled with this boundless Energy. They seem to have a purpetual Motivation to achieve, and always seem to hit their lifetime goals, no matter how large or small; maybe this means achieving a high score in a game, or maybe it means getting that dream job that seemed completely impossible for them to get.

However, they’re also perfectionists. Knights of Life have an innate fear of failure. They sincerely can’t handle the idea of being good enough - which, considering this is the general struggle of any Knight, means that they are almost crippled by this fear. They don’t just want to be perfect. They want to be better than perfect; they want to set the highest score, want to create world records that never existed before, they want to be the best of the best. Anything less than this makes them feel as if they’re stagnating.

The facade of the Knight of Light would therefore be cool and confident. They have no worries in the world, everything just comes easily! They act as if they don’t struggle because they see this as a form of weakness. As if any sign that they’re finding something hard is proof that they’re not good enough. They might be a bit over-the-top, a big braggy, but it’s not to hurt people; it’s to try and cover up the perceived cracks in their facade.

In fact, Knights might be the most protective Players going. They will defend the Life of their friends to their last breath, as well as anything else they see that they think is worthy or Protecting. Of course, this could mean quite literally anything - such as an especially beloved plant. Since Life Players are stubborn, I’d say good luck trying to get them to forgive you for accidentally killing something, too. They might seem unaffected, but I assure you, they’ll be mourning inside for a while - mostly because they perceive the death as their own failure.

Being Knights, they are innately intune with the Protection of Life. They defend Life - the literal Lifeforce of people, the things that keep them going, that little flicker of Life that exists within everything - but they also defend the right to Life - someone’s right to Live the Life they want, the ability for someone to Grow beyond the boundries that are forced upon them.

This means Defending small lifeforms, things people think are inconsequential, because they’re aware of how important those lifeforms are - such as bugs, which might be an integral part of the ecosystem but are seen by most people as pests or simply disgusting enough to be worth squishing. It might mean Protecting an endangered species, stopping it from going extinct (perhaps by Exploiting the Desire for hunters to hunt them, or the Wealth of the rich to sink their money into charities revolving around the continued conservation of the species).

It also means Defending someone being stamped down on at work, told they can’t get the same wage as someone else or being threatened with joblessness. They’ll still survive if they lose it, but their quality of Life will be lessened. The Knight Defends this person’s right to afford the Luxuries they want and to lead the Life they Desire most - their right to Grow as a person, and to rise up the promotional ladder.

Using their facade in conjunction with this, they might use themself as a rolemodel for other people, Exploiting their Desire to be like the Knight to encourage their Growth. If they have something untouchable to aim for, they’re more likely to continue an upward movement of Development - and to hit their own achievements in the process.

Of course, such a focus on Life means that Death is... almost impossible for the Knight to handle.

More than any other Player, Death to the Knight of Life means failure. They didn’t try hard enough. They didn’t do their job. Stagnation and Death is evidence that they failed. It will take the Knight some time to realise that some failure is okay, and that there is a Cycle of Life that all things have to abide by. Death is natural. Death is okay.

They’re long-time mourners for this, I think. They likely don’t know how to let go of those that have passed on. They might never accept Death, but it’s important for the Knight of Life to not drown in their sorrow of those now gone - especially since they can Protect the Life of the person in memory, continuing on their legacy rather than mourning their loss.

Of course, there’s more to a Knight than just Defence. They can Exploit and Weaponise Life, which is pretty terrifying if you think of it in a more literal sense. Exploitation of Life might mean literal servants, an army of people willingly working for the Knight, or might mean the formation of a clique, a group that revolves around the Knight while also standing on more equal ground.

And, of course, Weaponising Life... as a general rule of thumb, that makes me think of someone taking control of plants (e.g. vines) and using them to attack their foes. Or speeding up someone’s position in the Life-cycle - making them old and grey before suddenly their powers cut out (because beyond that, it goes into the bounds of Doom and Time).

They can take Luxuries and make them worthless (such as a beautiful gold necklace, by suddenly releasing the entire mass of gold to the market and causing a sharp drop in its price due to loss of scarcity), can take something that seems so useless and make it the most impressive thing in the world (such as a leaf, which might have such amazing medicinal properties that it becomes a highly valued item - especially if the Knight withholds it from the people).

They can accumulate Wealth at incredible speed - Exploiting peoples’ Desires in order to take their Wealth away from them, such as by offering something inconsequential but nostalgic in return for something of great Material worth - and can sky-rocket up any societal structure with little work - such as by Exploiting a corrupt voting or political system to shove themself into a place of power.

In a more physical sense, Exploiting Life can mean easily taming wild animals, enhancing the Growth of plants and trees artificially, and taking an active part in evolution to ensure they get the end result that benefits them most. They might be the person who ends up handling the Ectobiology of the session - and through Exploitation of that machine, create some weird and wonderful things that maybe never should have existed to begin with. Exploitation of genetics and how genetics work, rather than creating something from complete scratch.

If we think about going extremely far with this, Knights of Life might be able to hit the peak of their full bodily potential. You know how sometimes people can do incredible feats of strength in moments of duress - like an old lady lifting up a car to pull it off of her grandchild? The Knight of Life can do that, but intentionally.

While I don’t think Knights of Life would be Healers, per se, I think what they can do is bump up immunity. They could make anything immune and impervious; no disease would ever be an issue to those they Protect, and no weapon would ever be able to pierce their skin. They’d quite literally make their friends invulnerable - but not invincible. Lack of oxygen would still be an issue, and it’s questionable as to whether or not a Knight of Life could extend someone’s Life. They definitely can’t revert it.

They can, however, Exploit immune systems in reverse, too. If they can boost someone’s immune system to make them invulnerable, they can take that immune system apart bit by bit, too. Imagine making the Imps deathly sick and weak simply because the Knight Exploited how their immune systems worked, made them attack their own cells rather than incoming pathogens.

Knights of Life, as I’ve said above, have to learn to let go. They need to let down their Facade, to accept some imperfections, but also to recognise that they’re doing enough. They are enough. They need to stop beating themselves up if they aren’t overachieving, to take that pressure off their shoulders. They have to recognise that Death is something that happens, and that while they can avoid it, can work around it, can overcome it, they are not at fault if Death occurs. They tried their best. That’s what matters. They have to let go of past sorrows by turning them into future Growths.

#knight of life #classpect analysis #long post//#ardenttheories #Anonymous

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redbeardace · 5 years ago

Text

Asexuality Activism Report Card

[This post is a submission for the October Carnival of Aces, hosted by @asexualawarenessweek, on the theme “Reaching In, Reaching Out”]

Every year around Ace Week, I tend to give encouragement and suggestions about the type of outreach or activism we can do. This year, I’m going to do things a little different and instead give a report card on where I think we are in terms of various kinds of activism/outreach/visibility.

These are solely my opinions and my categories and are based on my experiences and not any kind of exhaustive research or survey. Please feel free to provide your own grades and suggest other areas I might have missed. I also want to note that these grades are not an indictment or attack on any particular group, person, or project. If you’re working on any of these things, you’re part of the solution and your work will make these grades improve over time, so keep at it!

And if you’re doing any of these things, please plug your projects, so people will know about them!

Intra Community - A

We focus an awful lot of energy inward, and that’s a good thing. Extending a helping hand, providing resources, hosting chatrooms, making podcasts, organizing meetup groups, writing lengthy blog posts, hosting conferences and unconferences, selling t-shirts... We’re doing a pretty good job supporting each other from the inside.

Queer Community - B

There are quite a few mainstream LGBTQ groups who openly support us. We often hold our meetups at the queer community center in town. Many aces are involved with LGBTQ organizations. There’s an ace group who goes to Creating Change every year. We’re an obligatory part of many organizations’ Pride messaging. Lots of groups now deliberately use the “LGBTQIA” variant of The Acronym, and make it clear that “A” isn’t for “Allies”. The ace group in the NYC Pride Parade this year (likely the biggest pride parade ever) was deliberately selected to be the 10th contingent, which is a huge deal because the parade was literally 12 hours long.

There are obviously challenges. The uninformed who don’t understand why we’re at the table. The deliberate trolls who relentlessly hound us online. But those people will become irrelevant over time.

Unfortunately, this year marked the first time where I saw Rainbow Capitalism set its sights on us. (With a big name ace group complicit in the exploitation...) So that’s not good.

Everyone Else - D

We are not doing well in this area. There are a few people out there who have heard of asexuality, but not many. Most people use the word wrong or as the insulting punchline to a joke. There isn’t a single household name who has come out as asexual and put themselves out there as an advocate. It’s better than it was 8 years ago, but we’re still mostly invisible.

I don’t really have any suggestions here (except that if you’re famous and asexual, COME OUT), because most of the suggestions I’d have are covered in the other areas.

Direct Outreach - F

By “Direct Outreach”, I’m referring to deliberately trying to find people who are asexual but who are unfamiliar with the term or that do not recognize that they’re asexual for whatever reason. It’s sort of a subset of a lot of these other groups. (And it could probably use a better name...)

I’m calling this out explicitly, because I think this can have the most impact, if we can figure out effective ways of doing it, and I don’t think anyone’s really doing this. (I sort of tried, but it didn’t really work out...) Basically, it would be able getting information about asexuality in front of the people who need it. Taking over the search results for “Why don’t I want sex?”. Writing articles about how some guys just don’t care about that sort of thing for a men’s magazine. Maybe even a direct person to person conversation with that friend who never seems to date. I don’t know, exactly. If I knew, I’d be doing it. But I think it needs to be done.

Fiction Media - C+

There are books with ace characters now! Pretty much entirely YA, though. And either a love story focused on the asexual character being asexual, or where asexuality is a tangential inclusion token with no real value.

There are TV shows with positive ace characters now! Huge step forward from lows of Better Half! Three shows, in fact!. Two of which have been canceled, and the third of which is about to have its final season. And none of which are anywhere close to the popularity of House. And none of which are anywhere close to the popularity of another show which completely erased a main character’s canon asexuality.

There are movies with ace char- Oh no, no there aren’t. Never mind. Same with video games.

While some strides have been made, and having productions actively consulting with groups like Ace LA is a huge step forward, we’re still largely living an area of headcanons and unverified conjecture and Word Of God retcons. There’s so much more than can be done.

Most importantly, we shouldn’t fawn over and praise any little scrap of hope. Demand better.

If you’re in a position to make things, make them. If you’re in a position to influence things to be made, influence them. If you’re in a position to boost content that is made, boost it.

Non-Fiction Media - C-

There are starting to be articles about asexuality that go beyond the typical sensational “There are some people who claim to be asexual, can you believe that, isn’t that SO STRANGE” or the blandly informational 101 interview featuring a picture of sad grey people in bed. Not many, but they’re there. But, at the same time, there are blazingly dismissive assholes hiding behind Ph.Ds, writing things like “’demisexual,’ an unnecessary new substitute for the word ‘human’ ” in articles that are published in 20-fucking-19.

There are a number of podcasts and YouTube videos talking about asexuality, but I don’t know how much reach they have outside of the ace community.

There’s one documentary that hasn’t aged well and I think has been removed from most streaming services, and another that hasn’t been released yet and is phenomenal and you should all see it. So that... Two documentaries.

Taking a quick look on Amazon, there are about seven books of substance on asexuality. Three are academic queer theory textbooks with a very specific audience. Two are self-published. One is a weird collection of essays, half of which have little to do with asexuality at all, written by someone who isn’t ace and who didn’t seem to bother even talking to aces for much of the book. That leaves one book about asexuality for a general audience written by an asexual that had a real publishing run. Just one.

Same with the fiction media, don’t go around hyping any article that mentions asexuality. Some of them are REALLY REALLY BAD. There was one a few months ago that said in an infographic that “Girls working part time have a 33% chance of becoming asexual”, yet it was being uncritically passed around by some high profile aces.

So, y’know, Cs get Degrees or whatever, but we can do soooo much better in this area. Someone go write a book about asexual dating. Someone go write a book about asexual history. Go. Do. Now.

Education/Schools - D

Well, it seems like it’s getting at least mentioned occasionally, and groups like Asexual Outreach have put some work towards this. But we’re still left out of sex ed in most places, and when we are included, the information can be confused, inaccurate, or even ridiculed by the instructor. Tackling this area will, over time, help out every other area on this list, because the next generations will all know and understand what asexuality is, and we won’t have to start from zero in order to get anything done.

Political/Legal - F

Earlier this year, I did a cursory review of anti-discrimination laws as they pertain to asexuality. Where asexuality was protected, it was often by accident. Only one state explicitly mentioned asexual people. Many states which did have strong LGBT anti-discrimination protections have defined “sexual orientation” in such a way to exclude asexuality. Even the “Equality Act” that the Democrats have made a lot of noise about this year has that narrow definition.

We need to start making connections with politicians and political groups, and we need to start leveraging our connections with queer organizations to get them to push for better language in these laws. (Many of the non-discrimination laws were deficient or bizarre in multiple ways, so we’d all be better off with improvements.)

And I should note that it’s an F--- as far as protections for aromantics…

Health Care - D+

Well, we managed to get parts of the DSM-V rewritten. But even those parts are less than ideal. There are some therapists and doctors who are well versed in asexuality, and others who, as I mentioned above, hide behind their Ph.Ds writing horrible things and going unchecked. There’s a raft of sex pills with marketing that explicitly targets people who are probably asexual but don’t know it yet, trying to sell them worthless junk that will make them suddenly black out randomly or permanently change the color of their skin. We’re still not an option on the clipboard the doctor hands you to fill out. We’re still forced to take unnecessary and invasive tests for no practical reason.

I think we need to be showing up at health care conferences. We need to be reaching out to local providers. We need to be telling people how they should be treating us, instead of letting them fumble around and hopefully get it right on their own.

#asexual #asexuality #carnival of aces #asexual visibility #ace week #asexual awareness week #ace report card

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venus-is-in-bloom · 5 years ago

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[steven universe] the false kind of love: Spinel and the Diamonds

Spinel is involved in four of the Steven Universe movie’s musical numbers. She sings in three of them, and stars in two: Other Friends and Drift Away. But although the last two of those both centre around Spinel as a character, they could hardly be more different in tone.

In the Other Friends sequence, Spinel is fierce, angry, and dangerous; but in the Drift Away sequence, her voice is sad, longing, and helpless. As far as stories go, it’s pretty common for a villain’s tragic backstory to contrast in tone with their present actions—to seem almost at odds with who they seem to be, even as it explains how they got here. But I find this contrast especially remarkable in Spinel, because one of the most important things about her in the movie is the intensity of her anger. Everything she does, and everything people do to her, is because she is angry. And yet in Drift Away, when she talks about the person responsible for hurting her—Pink Diamond—there’s hardly any sign of that anger. It’s only when her story ends that the fire in her voice ignites again.

I think this contradiction holds the key to Spinel’s motivations. Although her fury is depicted as petty and childish—a feeling she only has to learn to suppress, a problem that’s solved as soon as she stops being mad—the story of her life points to something different, something that better explains her anger, and why it seems to define her so completely.

We know that, in Homeworld’s old social system, each Gem was given a particular task, one that was decided for them almost from the moment they were born. If they failed to do as they were supposed to—or did anything against the norms of their role, such as fusing with a different gem, or joining a rebellion—they would be severely punished. This is how it was for Ruby and Sapphire, for Bismuth and Pearl, for Peridot and Jasper. So we can assume that Spinel’s situation was similar—that she was assigned to be Pink Diamond’s best friend and playmate from the moment she came into existence, and wasn’t given the option to change her mind or do anything else.

One might think of this as a privilege. She was born in servitude to a Diamond, and therefore had the fortune of enjoying luxuries such as the Garden. But the task she had been set was tremendously difficult and complicated: despite being created as an entertainer and nothing more, she had the duty of keeping Pink Diamond happy, and being at her beck and call no matter what.

At the time, Pink Diamond was immature, mercurial, and prone to tantrums. Not only that, she was also at odds with her own family, and repeatedly upset by the way they treated her—something no amount of games and frivolity could fix. All this would have made Spinel’s task positively herculean. Her place in Pink Diamond’s life was small, yet she was completely responsible for how Pink Diamond felt. Every shout of anger, every sneer of disgust and contempt, every dismissive wave and sigh of resentment, would have been a mark of Spinel’s failure: not just a blow against her self-esteem, but against her actual value in Homeworld society—a step closer to being worthless, to being cast away.

What’s more, if Pink Diamond’s final cruel act against Spinel is anything to go by, she wasn’t in any way above tormenting and punishing Spinel just for being an annoyance—despite knowing that Spinel’s life depended on her approval.

In short, Spinel’s entire existence, from the moment she was born up until the moment the movie begins, has been about serving Pink Diamond, catering to her whims, and making her happy no matter what.

From what we see of Spinel, she throws herself entirely into her labour. She never frowns, complains, or shows any negative emotion around Pink at all. And when Pink Diamond asks her to stand, very still, in the same spot, until such time as she returns, she does so—perfectly and obediently—for six thousand years.

This is no surprise, of course. In the context of Spinel’s servitude, Pink Diamond’s words to her are not a request but a direct order. Spinel is Pink Diamond’s playmate, and what kind of playmate would she be if she ever said “no” to a game, or broke the rules? To disobey is to violate the contract that governs her life. So she stands there through her weariness, so absolutely still that roots grow around her legs, accumulating dirt, scratches, and chips. She’s not happy! She’s not having fun! Quite the opposite—she’s clearly miserable in her condition, and yet she doesn’t even shake her leg, or wipe the dirt off her shoulder, or sit down. She doesn’t think of herself at all—only whether she’s “doing it right”.

There’s something I strongly believe is relevant: People do not exist to be other people’s servants. And this goes for Gems too—time and time again throughout the series we see the stories of escaped Gems, how they were trapped, unhappy, often fearful in their roles—how as soon as they were given the opportunity, they decided to do something with their lives drastically different from their assigned purpose. It isn’t normal to wait like this, to suffer like this, all for the sake of someone else’s entertainment. Spinel waits for Pink Diamond, suffers for Pink Diamond, thinks only of Pink Diamond, not because she chose it, but because she has no other choice, because she was raised in a society where this is her only purpose and the only way for her to live.

In other words, the relationship between Pink Diamond and Spinel isn’t just a bad friendship between equals. It isn’t even a bad relationship between, say, a worker and her boss. It is, in plain terms, a slaveowner’s cruel treatment of a slave who’s been forced to serve her since she was born.

The movie never quite acknowledges this out loud. Instead it calls Spinel and Pink Diamond “friends”. And yet, this is the obvious interpretation of the narrative that is shown. Throughout Drift Away, the sequence leading up to it, and all that follows, we see that even now, Spinel is still utterly devoted to Pink Diamond. She still doesn’t realise there’s any other way to be. At the climax of the movie, she says to Steven:

“I used to just be not good enough—just not good enough for Pink!”

and

“Why do I wanna hurt you so bad? I’m supposed to be a friend! I just wanna be a friend...”

The first quote shows how Spinel understands her situation—that all the cruelty she has suffered, and all the anger and resentment she feels, is her own fault for not being “good enough” at her task. She believes that the reason Pink Diamond made her suffer isn’t that Pink Diamond was a cruel person who had absolute power over her life, but that she failed in her task, and so she was a failure of a person, and she deserved whatever she got.

The second quote shows that even at this point, the deepest, truest wish Spinel can think of is to get another chance to prove her worth—to serve someone again, to give up all thoughts of her own happiness and devote herself to another person, to maybe, just for a moment, earn a smile or a laugh. It hasn’t occurred to Spinel that freedom is an option, or that she doesn’t have to be anyone’s slave to have worth as a person, or that Pink Diamond did anything wrong to her. She never realises any of this—no one ever tells her.

So together, these two quotes set up the miserable, ironic resolution of Spinel’s character arc.

(Pink Diamond, of course, shows no matching concern for how Spinel feels, nor any indication that she remembers her at all. The movie implies that she may have had access to the Garden warp pad, or at least its communicator, all along from Earth—yet she never returned, and never sent a message.)

It follows from all this, naturally, that Spinel doesn’t want to direct her anger at Pink Diamond, where it truly belongs. Spinel still believes everything that happened is her fault, and that if anything, it’s Pink Diamond who should blame her for being a bad playmate. And yet, Spinel is angry. At the beginning of the movie, when Steven transmits his message, when Spinel finally sees that she never mattered to Pink Diamond—or to anyone else—she reacts with such rage that she breaks out of the fetters that have governed her life (even though, in her worldview, this dooms herself in the process) and heads for Earth, where Pink Diamond went.

It’s important to note that when Spinel shows up for the Other Friends scene, it’s only been a few days, maybe just a few hours, since she left the Garden—since she escaped the abuse, exploitation, isolation, and neglect that has constituted her whole life. At this point, she hasn’t even had a chance to calm down. She’s suffering an emotional crisis of terrible proportions. The fragile remains of her life have been utterly destroyed. She has nothing left in the world. She isn’t in a reasoning state—there is nothing to reason about, since she has nothing and is nothing. All she has is anger, an emotion she’s never allowed herself to feel before. And she doesn’t know what to do with this overwhelming anger—she has no idea how to acknowledge it, validate it, or work through it in a healthy way. Even if she did, this is the moment of her life when she’s most volatile and vulnerable, when it’s hardest to put things in perspective, when she needs help the most. She needs safety, reassurance, and something that can at least point her on the path to healing—and she doesn’t get any of those, in the end.

Because she cannot be angry at Pink Diamond, she instead tries to find something else to blame. The things that replaced her in Pink Diamond’s eyes are first on that list: Steven, the Crystal Gems, the Earth itself. She decides that she wants to hurt them, to damage them as she has been damaged. She cannot say this, but she wants some way to make them care about her.

(There is a scene where Garnet regains her memories, fights off Spinel, and sings the beautiful True Kinda Love. During this scene, Spinel’s reaction to the sight of the Crystal Gems, finally reunited, is one of the most telling in the movie: disbelief, fear, shame. She has spent her life isolated, interacting only with Pink Diamond—this is, perhaps, her first time seeing love between equals, love that makes people happy simply because they get to be with each other. She sees love that is grateful, unconditional, unbreakable, powerful.

This love defeats her. It destroys her. It represents everything that Pink Diamond left her for. She doesn’t think of it—she cannot think of it—as something which she, too, might experience one day, because her entire life has taught her that she isn’t good enough to ever deserve love. In fact, at this very moment, she is an obstacle that true love will sweep aside and shortly forget about. She is unloved, unloveable, and so it makes perfect sense that Pink Diamond would have thrown her away in order to join these people who are full of love. Spinel is worth nothing to them, not even as entertainment. They will never care about her. She’s a thorn in their side, and they just want her gone.

Anger and shame is the only way she can respond—and after her anger dies down, only shame is left.)

Of course, in lashing out like this, it’s very strange that Spinel achieves anything more than fruitlessly flailing at the Gems for a few minutes before running out of steam or getting poofed. Where did she get a mysterious Injector that an Era 2 engineer like Peridot is helpless to power down, and enough poison to kill a planet? How did she beat three seasoned warriors in a fair fight, having never raised a finger against anyone before the moment that fight began? If things hadn’t gone that way, we would probably have a very different movie.

But such is the narrative we’re given—which is unfortunate, because Spinel in the movie is set up as such an enormous threat that it ends up eclipsing the truth of her story, rather than highlighting it. Apart from one or two lines at the end of the Drift Away sequence, everything Steven says is focused on mollifying her, calming her down, and getting her to deescalate so that she won’t destroy the entire planet. Meanwhile, all the other Gems are busy trying to save people from the Injector’s poison—so there’s no room to actually address her problems in the story.

She is a victim of a monstrous system, in desperate need of help and understanding. But she is instead cast as a monster herself. She doesn’t get any attention for being hurt: people only care about her because she might hurt someone else.

Perhaps the greatest injustice to Spinel is that she isn’t given any kind of resolution for her situation. Instead, Steven’s words confirm the harmful beliefs she holds about herself. Her feelings are her own fault, and her suffering is her own fault. The only chance she has to redeem herself is to go back into servitude, to be a playmate and an entertainer, and to carefully soothe, cheer, and cajole people into tolerating her company—knowing that the love she will therefore win is false and conditional: knowing that if she fails, if they ever get tired of her, she will be left in the dust without a second thought, and she will deserve it.

Poetically, her new owners are Diamonds once again. In order to make them laugh, she makes a joke that belittles her own trauma, and stands on her head. Blue Diamond thinks it’s cute. Yellow Diamond thinks it’s hilarious. Neither of them consider her feelings, or what she might have gone through. Once again, she’s no longer a person—just a toy that reminds them of Pink.

This will be the rest of her life.

#things venus said #steven universe #steven universe: the movie #reflections #spinel steven universe #spinel su #you could perhaps interpret the ending as poetic justice against an unsympathetic villain #but strangely enough that isn't how the movie casts it #anyway guess who's still doing hecking steven universe analysis in the year 2019 /shrug #slavery cw

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nadziejastar · 5 years ago

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Isa: What is it with you and picking up stray puppies?

Lea: I want everybody I meet to remember me. Inside people's memories, I can live forever.

Well, if I was to go by my own impression of them, this would be my headcanon. There is this recurring theme of dogs with Lea and Isa, right? My theory is that they were meant to be similar to Lady and the Tramp. Maybe Lady and Tramp were from Radiant Garden and they supposed to meet Lea and Isa. If Merlin can be from Radiant Garden, I don’t see why they couldn’t be.

Tramp: Not to change the subject, but... um... ever chased chickens?

Lady: I should say not.

Tramp: Oh-ho, then you've never lived!

Lady: But we shouldn't.

Tramp: I know. That's what makes it fun. Aw, come on, kid. Start building some memories.

Tramp is a lot like Lea. He is very outgoing and wants to make memories. However, I don’t think Lea was originally the “stray puppy”. I think he had a very happy and stable home life, and was given a lot of freedom. He was a very independent kid. His parents were probably not very strict. He didn’t get punished very often. He viewed life as a fun adventure and did pretty much whatever he wanted. Lea thought breaking into the castle was not a very big deal. He wasn’t concerned that he was going to get into trouble. He was a very, very happy person and had amazing self-esteem. I think he must have lived a life that was free from serious difficulty. No abuse or neglect, that’s for sure.

“—Let’s go, Lea,” the blue-haired boy, Isa, said quietly. He stood up and brushed the dust from his pants.

“What is with those guys?”

“I don’t want any more trouble,” Isa urged.

Lea also climbed to his feet, albeit with some resignation.

“There’ll always be another chance,” Isa reminded him softly as they walked away. Lea followed after.

I think Isa was more like Lady. I don’t think he was rich compared to Lea or anything like that. I just think he was more sheltered and naive. His parents also might have been more strict. He wasn’t as quick to get into trouble and he scolded Lea a lot. He was not as outgoing or bold. I don’t think his home life was outrageously bad or anything. But I think Lea probably wanted to sneak into the castle primarily so Isa could have some exciting memories, since it seemed like he didn’t have any. Isa was less adamant about it.

I wanted the three of us to be together. I wanted the three of us to laugh together in the Organisation. Pretending to be adults, they decided it can’t be like that. But I’ll put an end to it—I’ll have them stop.

I can see Isa not having a very close relationship with his parents. It might not have ever been touched on, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Isa came from a family where his parents were distant and he was emotionally neglected. Maybe there was a lot of pressure on him to “act like an adult”. The journal said Isa was mature beyond his years. This might have contributed to his difficulty opening up to others. I think Lea saw him as the “stray puppy” at first. He didn’t smile much, according to Lea in the novel. Axel’s character is about helping those who are in bad situations. Ven, Roxas, Xion. It probably started with Isa. Compared to Lea, he seemed less carefree.

“She doesn’t need you anymore.” Saïx smiled, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes.

That was the world’s most obvious lie, Sora thought. He’d had about enough of these organization guys trying to tell him what was what. “Like I’m supposed to believe that?” Sora shot back.

“Well, that’s up to you. But you can believe this: Organization XIII has no more use for you.” Saïx lifted his hand to point at the strange moon hanging in the sky above the glass ceiling.

When Lady was captured and put in the pound, she didn’t really know what to do. She wasn’t street smart. She relied on Tramp to survive outside of her bubble. She was afraid that he abandoned her and was jealous that he was so popular. Isa also seemed to have a fear of abandonment, especially after the experiments. He was afraid that if Lea had to help him out too much, he’d get tired of him and leave him behind. I think that Lea actually liked being needed by him, but Isa could never trust that could be true. Maybe his parents had high expectations of him that he couldn’t meet, like Terra and Eraqus.

“I have no use in doing that either, do I? If you think about it, it’s troublesome, right?”

Certainly, if you think about it like that, it does sound troublesome. But… rather than troublesome of it, it’s fun to eat ice cream the three of us, so… so, that’s why we go there. But, I wonder why it’s fun?

“Do you want me to tell you?”

Roxas looked at Axel, and waited for his answer.

“It’s because we are best friends.”

The point of Axel becoming best friends with Roxas and Xion was to teach them about life. It wasn’t simply to tell the audience that they were inseparable and we would then accept it at face value. It seemed like Axel’s concept of a best friend was tied up in convincing Roxas and Xion that it’s okay for friends to be “troublesome”. That was the main theme of their friendship. That’s why he only said this on Day 193. It wasn’t a happy spontaneous declaration of friendship. It was a reflection on his past.

“Because they copied my powers, the Keyblade’s power, and then they didn’t need me anymore—is that it?” Roxas spat.

He couldn’t bring himself to confirm it.

“I guess you felt the same way, huh, Axel?”

At those words, something wrenched in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. No, not me. I wasn’t thinking like that. I would never.

“That’s not true. You—you’re my best friend.” The words spilled out of him.

Axel wanted to emphasize that to them more than anything else. He only used the words “best friend” when Roxas or Xion were worried about the organization considering them worthless.

Axel: Man... Why you always gotta...cause me...trouble...

And when he brought Xion back, he said she caused him so much trouble.

“This is right,” Xion said firmly. “It’s better this way.”

Axel hated that argument. Nothing was better any which way. All it came down to was what you wanted to do and what you didn’t. He’d learned that lesson back when he had a heart.

“So it’s better for you to disappear?” he protested.

And I definitely think that had to do with Isa.

If Saïx sees something he can use, he will—and without a second thought.

Saïx’s character was all about finding something he can use. He only views people in terms of their usefulness. I think that this personality trait was going to be explained by having Isa constantly be considered “useless” like Xion was. This insecurity was exploited by the apprentices, but I wouldn’t be surprised if his home life played a role in why he was so susceptible to feeling useless. After all, Terra’s background provided the fertile seedbed for his darkness. Terra’s relationship with Eraqus made him so vulnerable to Xehanort’s manipulation. Xehanort was grooming Terra for his body. He always reminded me of a real life sexual predator. And they usually go after kids who have difficult home lives.

Axel's always helping me out, so I just assumed he would again. How long has he known about me? Maybe since long before we met in Castle Oblivion. But he told me to think for myself. I was so happy. But now, as I get stronger, Roxas keeps getting weaker. I shouldn't exist anymore. They say that Nobodies were never meant to exist, but I'm the real affront. But before I'm gone, I want to help Roxas and Axel. Even just a little.

I think that all this played a big role in Axel’s extreme loyalty to Saïx. Isa was like Xion. Saïx verbally abused Xion, so she was extremely distressed when she was reliant on Roxas or Axel for help. It’s why she originally started avoiding Roxas. It also contributed to her decision to disappear. She saw herself as an affront. When she asked Axel for help, he was cold at first. But then he told her she was his best friend and to think for herself. So, she thought it was best to disappear, to repay them for all their help.

Sora: He sure is acting weird.

Mrs. Potts: It’s almost as if he’s forgotten how to trust others.

Cogsworth: You don’t suppose he’s been turned into a Heartless, do you?

If Isa was Norted, there were probably times he lost control of himself, like the Beast did. I don’t think his berserk state started as a Nobody. Isa had gold eyes and pointy ears, so he probably thought of himself the same way Xion did. He didn’t deserve to exist. It sounds like Lea had to assure Isa that no matter how may times he needed help, he’d always be there for him. I think Axel was so willing to forgive Saïx because Isa had such a fear of being abandoned by Lea. I think that was supposed to be the big takeaway from their awful relationship as Nobodies.

“In the way of what. Of who,” he asked.

“In the way of us. I trust you.”

Axel cracked a dry smile. “You say that exactly like you would if you had a heart.”

“My memories of the time I did have one are making it so, that’s all. If you get in the way any further, though, the memories I have since becoming a Nobody will overwrite them.”

Why would they make Axel go through so much suffering at the hands of his best friend unless something positive was going to come from it? It seems like Isa had very bad trust issues. But Lea stood by him, even when he thought Isa wanted him dead. So, nothing could ever drive him away. Eraqus fueled Terra’s darkness by making him feel like he wasn’t loved unconditionally. Aqua and Ven saved him from that darkness. I think that was supposed to be the message of Lea and Isa’s friendship, too.

#kh #kh meta #kh lea #kh isa

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trashpandaorigins · 6 years ago

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Infinity War Abuse and Trauma: A Call for Accountability

Infinity War. This movie is exhausting to watch. It is an ordeal to sit through and left my stomach turning for days after seeing it.I had trouble sleeping, in the pit of my guts twisted with tumultuous anxiety and I couldn’t exactly figure out why. People would ask me how the movie was and I’d answer shortly that “it was terrible.” I didn’t want to talk about it. But why? I’d been looking forward to this movie for years! Yet for the life of me I could not articulate what it was about this film that left me deeply uncomfortable. It has taken me over a year to fully reckon with why Infinity War made me feel so disturbed and frankly, gross. Finally after many discussions with friends and reading reviews and watching video essays (most notably Movie’s With Mikey’s Let’s Talk About Thanos video which I will link to at the bottom of this page). But now can finally share with you what it was about IW that profoundly affected me. I am not the first person to criticize IW, I’m not the first person to write about the ways in which this movie is damaging, nor should I be. I just want to contribute my own insight and point of view to the conversation. As a fan, as a woman, as a person who has survived abuse and trauma. We will get to that. Hopefully I’ll still have followers when this is done. Deep breath friends, in...good. Out….okay, let’s go.

Call me a pansy, but I do not like watching characters whom I love and have grown attached to suffer insentient misery without reprieve or reward. It’s not fun, it’s not thrilling and it certainly isn’t entertaining. We go to these Marvel movies because they are fun and they give us hope. If we don’t have a sense of wonder and adventure then why are we even watching these movies? Captain America, Thor Ragnarok Winter Soldier, GOTG, these films were good because they gave us people to route for. Interesting fun stories, not to mention stakes that aligned with the narratives to boot.

Because these are our heroes however flawed they may be. Marvel literally built an empire off this nostalgia from comic books and good ole’ good guys vs. bad guys. I already touched on this concept in the very first (mostly emotion driven keyboard pounding blurb Infinity War Was Tragedy Porn). I won’t harp on the point but let’s just say that there is enough pain and grief in the world already. We know people who persevere still loose in the end. We know because we live it every day. So watching our favorite characters like Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Thor and others suffer relentlessly is not something people necessarily want to see. It isn’t compelling or interesting it’s just...a lot.

For me it really came down to two characters in particular. Gamora and Rocket. The mangy little raccoonoid has always been my favorite guardian and certainly my favorite Marvel character. This is in part, because of his relatability. (A talking enhanced raccoon relatable? Oh don’t worry I already wrote that little essay: Coping Healing and Physical Trauma or Why This Trash Panda is So Damn Relatable). Let’s cut right to the chase because we have a lot to get through here-bare with me I’m gonna get real for a second. I have poured a lot of my own pain, my own sorrow and my own trauma into this racoucious ringtail. Is this healthy? Probably not. Is it better than the numerous other ways I could cope? Undoubtedly.

I’m not alone in doing this either. Most fans relate to and project their own lived experiences on to fictional characters. In my case, Rocket’s journey throughout GOTG Vols 1 & 2 very much mirrors my own story. So when I sat in the theatre watching him loose Groot (again), I felt physically ill. To watch a character who has come so far, who has had to do some serious soul searching and endure incredible grief and pain, be kicked down back to where he was before GOTGVol1; alone and scared and trying to exist in a world where his own existence is an anomaly? That hurt. It made me feel hopeless and helpless and that is not why I watch Marvel films. Rocket is a character who has suffered and lost but he has kept going. Relentlessly surviving and that is inspirational but the fact that the writers had him loose not only Groot, (again) but the only people who have ever loved him and stood by him despite of his flaws was really hard to watch. He cannot escape loneliness and isolation even after finding a family. He is back to square one. More like square -1 because at least when we first meet him he has a partner. Watching Rocket loose everything after working so hard to get something anything, it made me feel like the own struggles in my life and my own efforts to grow and heal...were useless and worthless. If watching Rocket loose Groot and subsequently the rest of the guardians made me feel like vomiting in the theatre then Gamora’s death was near unbearable to witness.

Gamora’s death was wrong in so...so many ways. I hope I can articulate some semblance of that here. When we are first introduced to her she has successfully escaped her abuser. She is beginning to establish her own identity and find her own self worth apart from her past apart from being “the lackey of a genocidal maniac.” Throughout GOTGVol1&2 Gamora shows that she is a deeply compassionate person who empathizes with others so much that she would readily risk her own life to protect a planet she has no attachment to. Like Rocket she too finds a family with the Guardians. She found people who accept her for herself, apart from her attachment to Thanos. Gamora is healing from her abuse while coming to grips with the abhorrent actions she’s committed. She has come so incredibly far and then...then she is killed and not just killed, murdered, brutally by her abuser. Infinity War glorifies abuse and violence using it as a plot device. It is obviously not the first film to do this, far from it but the issue is that this act of brutality is intended to make us feel sympathetic, not for Gamora. For Thanos. That is beyond sickening and it is not lost on me that the two people Thanos tortures the most are women. While the mad titan himself is a charactercher of masculinity. A hyperbolic representation of a self-proclaimed genius authoritarian. A man who is willing to do what it takes for the good of the universe, and isn’t it just so sad that no one understands him? He’s painted as a martyr. Infinity War plays with not only brutal tragedy but the violence and suffering of women; using it as leverage for shock value.

I have talked about this movie with many, many people and so far the only people who leap to Thano’s defense are men. I have yet to hear any woman argue on his behalf. “But he’s crazy!” They argue, leaping to his defense with disturbing readiness sometimes eagerness. “That just shows how evil he is!” If that is true then why did the soul stone reveal itself after Gamora’s death? If that was truly the intention then the stone would not have worked showing us that no Thanos did not actually love Gamora. But it did work and the very fact that it did proves the point. “She’ll come baaack,” they chide. That is not the point. The point is that for many of us who have survived abuse watching Thanos torture Nebula and murder Gamora shows us an abuser who wins.

I can’t help but wonder if this story would be different were Infinity War had a more diverse creative team behind it. Another argument I often hear is “it’s for the plot! They needed to have a big dramatic sacrifice! It’s just a superhero movie!” This really irks me because there in exists an implicit ignorance and selfishness. An unwillingness to fully understand or at the very least acknowledge the larger contextual nexus of political, social, gender and sexual issues going in our world right now. Infinity War ignores the very world in which it is created and consumed and ignores the very fans it strives to appeal for. You cannot separate reality from fantasy, not so long people who live in reality reading, watching and consuming that fantasy. The Marvel movies don’t have to be socio political commentaries but they do have a responsibility to be aware of different lived experiences of their fans. It’s not about whether or not Marvel has a psychotherapist or if there are trauma informed screen plays. It’s about the people sitting in the director's chair and in the writers room. People who have different lived experiences making the decisions about these movies. How many women oversaw the writing, direction and production of Infinity War? How many people of color and queer people?

My guess is not many. Infinity War was indifferent to the impact that it had upon its viewers and must be held accountable. They must come to grips with the fact that the choices they made and the pain they chose to thrust upon beloved characters has had a coercive effect on many of their fans because it was directed primarily by men who hold enough privilege in our society that they don’t have to think about these things. This film is, as so many other forms of media still are-despite recent efforts to move forward-created by and for men. A specific type of white heterosexual man. A many who has never been abused.

For those of us who are not straight white men Infinity War is a kick in the guts. It shows us that our struggles are futile, our trauma a spectacle to be exploited and in the worst cases mocked. The misery and unyielding destitute hopelessness of our beloved characters tells us that there is no hope. With particular attention to Gamora and Nebula Infinity War teaches us that abuse is love and that people who abuse are the ones to be sympathized with and understood. Do Anthony and Richard Russo or Kevin Feige care about this? I highly doubt it. Otherwise they would not push for and celebrate the narratives of an psychopathic abuser. They would not herald Thanos as sympathetic and praise worthy. They are trying to be edgy and different when all it really is is myopic, egotistical and downright cruel and zealous. I don’t think that the Russo’s or Fiege or any man involved in the production of Infinity War is a bad person or that they intentionally did this. But they are insensitive ignorant and they must be held accountable by fans, by other creatives in the industry and they must do better with End Game.

This is especially frustrating coming off the heels of movies like Black Panther, Wonder Woman, Into The Spider Verse. Movies that were cognizant of the realities in which they were made and the experiences of their fans and actively used that to create powerful stories. Infinity War just feels dates and ignorant. A product of the gamergate culture we are still steeped in.

I am going to see End Game next Saturday and I will do my best to see it with an open mind. Ultimately I will judge the next Avengers movie by how, as another fan worded it, how they treat Nebula and Gamora; the who who are incidentally the only two people who truly deserve to kill Thanos in my opinion. If they are able to construct a well written narrative that gives them agency I will count End Game as a success. I will also judge it by how they wrap up the endings of our other favorite characters. Giving Steve and Bucky, Thor, Tony, Bruce, Natasha and the rest of them an ending that they deserve. A satisfying conclusion to their journeys and rewarding payoff for all that they have gone through and endured for over ten years and a satisfying conclusion for us too.

So where does this leave us? The subject of accountability. The creators behind Infinity War must be held accountable for their ignorance. I would encourage you as you are willing and able to write, post on social media and make known your honest feelings about this movie. As fans we hold tremendous power, by speaking up, signing petitions, etc we can continue to push for more diverse stories that are sensitive, adventurous and appealing. We can advocate for more women, people of color and LGBTQIA+ representation not just on the screen but behind it as well. In the production and the directors chair. The industry is changing...slowly and not completely but it is. Look again at the past few Marvel movies. We can make a difference and we can hold people accountable for their ignorance. We can stop watching movies or TV shows, (take the Walking Dead for example, I know many people who ceased watching that show after Glen’s grotesquely miserable death). We can make a difference in who gets to write/direct/produce movies. We’ve already come a long way, but we can go further. Whatever it takes!

#my writing #infinity war #mcu #marvel #gotg #avengers #end game #the russos #personal #gamora #gamora deserved better #nebula #rocket raccoon #groot #steve rogers better get a happy ending god dammit

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irelise · 5 years ago

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the yew tree - part ii

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Sebastian Shaw/Charles Xavier Additional Tags: Secrets, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Canon-typical references to human experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Plot Twists, Referenced anti-semitism, Seduction, Possessive Erik, Jealousy, Suicide, Suicide ideation, Depression, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Master/Servant

Summary:

Erik has worked with Sebastian Shaw, mutant revolutionary, ever since Shaw rescued him from human experimentation when he was a boy. He is reluctantly enlisted to assist in Shaw’s newest scheme: seducing the wealthy and enigmatic Lord Xavier and claiming his vast fortune. With Shaw posing as Xavier’s doctor, Erik goes undercover as Xavier’s personal manservant to convince him to fall in love with Shaw.

But Xavier has secrets of his own, and it isn’t long before Erik starts having second thoughts about the whole thing…

(the handmaiden inspired au - no canon knowledge required)

Notes: remember when i said the yew tree was on hiatus? I LIED, writing bug suddenly bit, thank you lovely commenters! Next update might be a bit late in coming since I might start working on XMDP fic instead but we’ll see how it goes!

The full chapter is linked above, but for the people reading along on Tumblr as I update, this post includes part 2.8-2.9 and wraps up part ii, bringing us to the present day where we left off in part i!

Warnings for this part: suicide ideation, sexual exploitation, depression, referenced human experimentation Rating: M Word count: 3814

8. Leather straps around his wrists, holding him down. Something is being forced into his mouth, prying his lips apart; he tries to bite down, but he can’t, he’s trapped, he can’t do anything – One of the whitecoats looms over him, steel glinting in its hands; he paws clumsily at the metal, but it won’t respond, why isn’t it responding? Go away, he wants to shout, but he can’t form words. All he can do is shout in pain and fear and anger–

–A cry shatters the silence. His own cry, jolting himself awake. Charles sits up and rubs the back of his hand down his face.

He’s in his bedroom. It was only a dream-memory.

…But it did not belong wholly to him. There’s another mind nearby, fumbling and cursing in the dark, startled awake by Charles’ cry.

Erik.

The memory was his. And yet – it’s so familiar, Charles’ memories and Erik’s memories mingling, overlapping, the same pain, the same fear. I understand you, Charles says silently, although he doesn’t dare reach out. I’ve felt what you’ve felt. You’re not alone.

Charles takes a slow breath, smoothing away the sudden welling of emotion into quiet serenity, his gaze drifting to the window. He has a role to play. Not much time now; first impressions are everything, and he’s more determined than ever before to charm Erik over to his side. Wryly, Charles thinks he may be more of a romantic than he had realized. His foray into Erik’s dreams had been brief and unintentional, but it had sparked something, a feeling of connection…

No time now. Focus.

Right on cue, the door slams open. Charles’ breath catches silently in his throat.

None of Shaw’s memories had prepared him for the way Erik’s mind blazes.

***

The thing is, Charles has lived his entire life playing different roles: the bright young scholar, the pliant test subject, the enigmatic reader soft-voiced and alluring. He knows how to charm and flatter and entice. Sometimes he even enjoys it.

Being with Erik should be no different. Even setting aside his telepathy, Charles has eyes; he’s seen the way Erik’s gaze lingers on him when he thinks Charles isn’t looking. Erik is attracted to him and Charles subtly encourages it, using all the tricks Uncle had taught him, paired with the things he had picked up on his own through the books. He takes every opportunity he can to bite his lips red and flush, to let his tongue dart teasingly out, and from beneath his lashes he watches as Erik’s pupils dilate.

Yet Erik never takes advantage. Erik is always so very proper, so careful. His mind is a steel fortress lined with razor barbs of pain and anger, but underneath it all is a brightness Charles is irresistibly drawn to. Can he be blamed? He’s never met anyone who burns with such intensity as Erik does. He’s never met anyone with such a fierce desire to protect. Never again, Erik’s thoughts rumble. He will never allow another mutant to suffer as he had.

Sometimes Charles loves him for it. Sometimes he imagines Erik as his protector, fearsome and implacable.

Sometimes Charles is bitter, resentful, ashamed. Erik had gone through so much, but he’s not broken like Charles is.

No depth to him at all, Shaw says of Erik, and Charles wonders how he could be so wrong when he had practically raised Erik. But Charles bites his tongue. He needs to pick his battles wisely; he can’t let Shaw suspect that he sees Erik as anything more than a stepping stone to his freedom.

Neither can he let Erik suspect that he’s working with Shaw, or the fate Shaw has planned for him. Erik is a good man – Charles believes that with all his heart. He is a better man than Charles is. But he is also such an uncompromising man, the planes of his mind beautifully harsh and stark. He believes in fairness. Justice.

Vengeance.

If Erik learns the truth, it’ll be the end of Charles’ plans to quietly disappear, and Charles is selfish enough that he won’t risk it.

Hence his current efforts to temper Erik’s fire. Erik is determined to see him as a spoiled, selfish noble, so Charles does his best to be the opposite of that, freely offering the only things about him that have any value: his books, his knowledge, his body. Erik wants to pick a fight, so Charles meets his anger with serenity instead, willingly exposing his weaknesses – some of his weaknesses – in hopes of cultivating trust.

It works. He thinks. Erik thaws to him, quicker than he had anticipated, and for a few guilty days Charles wonders if he has been influencing Erik unintentionally, the noxious, uncontrollable poison of his telepathy rooting around Erik’s skull to destroy the brilliant spark of individuality inside. But when he reaches out, ever so carefully – because Charles can never leave things well enough alone – he finds the architecture of Erik’s mind unchanged. He thinks.

(The terrifying thing about his power is that it’s so insidious, he can never be entirely sure. Charles spends most of that day laid up in bed with a migraine, heartsick, wishing he could just make his telepathy – stop. If he tries hard enough, can he control his own mind? Can he shut down his own physiological systems, one by one?

Or perhaps that’s a philosophical question. After all, every human has control over their own mind. He wonders what Erik would think.)

“I didn’t think it was possible, but your migraines seem to be growing more frequent, even with my medication,” Shaw observes during one of their sessions. He pushes a cup of hibiscus tea at Charles, dark and red.

“It’s not so surprising. They’re exacerbated by strong emotions. Stress.”

Shaw chuckles. “Stress? What do you have to be stressed about? All you have to do is make doe eyes at me while Erik is watching and I’ll take care of the rest. Unless he’s starting to suspect?”

“No, you did an excellent job picking him. He really is quite honest. Too honest for suspicion.”

And Charles really should shut his mouth and leave it there, but he holds the belief that everyone, including Erik, including Shaw, including himself, everyone is capable of making the right choices. Of choosing the better path. It’s a belief he had cultivated with grim determination through the years, although perhaps it’s less a belief and more a survival mechanism. After all, as he had told Erik, if he can’t have hope then what else does he have left?

So he says: “I’m surprised you’re willing to use him like this. His power is remarkable, and he’s completely devoted to your cause. You’re sure you want to go through with this?”

Shaw’s eyes narrow, pinning him in place, and Charles instantly knows he’s mis-stepped. “Sounds like you’re the one having second thoughts.” Shaw’s tone is deceptively pleasant. “Don’t forget why Erik’s here. He thinks he’s helping me con you out of your fortune, and after that, he’s happy to look the other way while I snap your neck. You think he’s a good man? You want to spare him?”

Charles flinches as Shaw forces a barrage of images at him, each bloodier than the last. The vivid splash of red against concrete. Steel, groaning, screaming. The humans have been subdued already, they could easily take the mutant captives and escape, but the Erik in Shaw’s memories is raising one hand high up, holding It aloft. Don’t do this! Charles shouts instinctively, but the past cannot be changed; Erik’s hand closes into a fist, white-knuckled, and metal crumples everywhere. Shaw’s memories linger especially lovingly over the sounds that echo through the compound, the noises of agony, the quiet pleas for help, for mercy.

The silence.

It’s tempting to slam up his mental walls, but Charles forces himself to watch every single memory Shaw is throwing at him. He needs to learn all of Erik, the darkness and the light both.

“Still think he deserves your pity?” Shaw sneers. He tosses one last image at Charles, of a bloodied, twitching hand, a human still alive under a pile of rubble, desperately reaching out. The Erik in his memory strides past without a backwards glance. “He’d do the same thing to you right now if I ask him to, because he thinks you’re a worthless human. He’ll never value you for anything except your mutation.”

Only because that’s what you’ve taught him, but that isn’t entirely fair. Erik is an adult who knows his own mind. Some part of him genuinely agrees with Shaw’s philosophy.

But Charles doesn’t intend to give up. He’s seen so much good in Erik, so much light. He’s seen his longing for a family and he’s personally witnessed evidence of a nurturing spark in Erik. Erik’s calloused hands have always been careful and gentle as they tend to Charles, even though according to Shaw he’s nothing but a worthless human. He thinks about Erik fussing over him after one of his migraines in his gruff, understated way, and Charles feels his chest constrict.

Some part of Erik wants peace, he knows it. He’ll do anything to give it to Erik.

He meets Shaw’s contemptuous gaze. “It’s no worse than what you and I are planning to do to him,” Charles says evenly.

“You calling this whole thing off?”

“No. I wish – no.” He’s shown too much of his hand. “I’m sorry, I’m just not very good with violence.”

Shaw watches him with open suspicion. Charles hesitates, but only for a second. Then he reaches out.

Forget.

***

Another day, the curtains drawn, lying in bed, trying not to move or even breathe, pain stabbing dully through his skull. So bloody useless, laid up in bed all the time, his thoughts snarl, and Charles tries to bury the wave of self-loathing that sweeps through him, knowing that any emotion will only worsen the migraine.

In times like these, he allows his telepathy to drift, leaving his body a mindless, insensate mass on the bed. Today, however, he’s trapped in his own head, thoughts chasing each other around in endless circles.

You’ll need to tell him the truth soon.

He’ll hate me.

It’s what you deserve.

That’s hardly fair; he’s lying to me too. We’re both lying to each other.

Not to the same degree! He’s an honest man by nature. You, you’ve never once shown him your true face.

But that’s not entirely right. He had been playing a role in the beginning, yes, trying to lure Erik in, but even then… It hadn’t entirely been a lie. And it certainly isn’t one now, when Charles has only been acting in the ways that come to him most naturally instead of tailoring every action to draw Erik deeper into his web. There’s nothing at all false about their light banter over breakfast and dinner. He certainly isn’t holding back during their nightly debates. If anything, Charles has been more honest than he means to be, unable to stop himself from slipping little hints that things in the mansion – things about himself – are not quite right. He feels like he’s simultaneously torn between pleading for Erik to notice something is wrong and covering Erik’s eyes with his hands so Erik can leave the mansion never, ever realizing the truth behind all that time he spends with Uncle.

The only lies he’s telling now are ones of omission.

But they’re still lies.

It won’t make a difference to him. He’s been hurt by so many people already, why should he forgive you?

As if summoned by his thoughts (please, God, no, he doesn’t want to tarnish Erik’s beautiful mind), there’s a light rap on his bedroom door, and Erik lets himself in quietly.

One of the things Charles loves most about Erik is that he doesn’t hover. He can feel concern radiating from Erik’s mind, but Erik knows noise and movement make the migraine worse, so he’s quiet and self-contained as he leaves more water by Charles’ bedside along with a small plate of nuts and crackers, foods which help with Charles’ nausea – he wonders where Erik had learnt that.

“You need anything?” Erik asks, very softly.

Charles musters a wan smile, even though the small movement of turning his head to look at Erik sends pain stabbing through his temples. “No, thank you.”

And that’s it. Erik doesn’t fret over Charles, allowing him to keep what little dignity he has left. He leaves as quietly as he had come, and Charles closes his eyes again.

How can Shaw be so wrong about Erik? Erik is so loyal to him, so determined to repay his perceived debt, yet Shaw’s only thoughts are of how best to use Erik and how best to dispose of him now that Erik is starting to become a threat to his power.

Charles wants so badly to save Erik.

And he can do it right now if he really wanted to. Erik can save himself. All he has to do is tell Erik the truth.

The thought of confessing makes his heart clench, pulse skyrocketing. Pain flares, so bad that Charles almost clutches his head, but he forces himself to stay motionless.

He’s too weak; he can’t do it. Erik will be furious. He’ll be a force of nature unleashed on the mansion, trampling all of Charles’ plans into rubble. Charles has only just started thinking about what life outside the mansion might be like. How it would feel to meet other mutants, to have Erik introducing him to other mutants. Erik had brought him hope, but Charles can see it all fading away before his eyes, the dark branches of the yew tree caging him in once more.

No. Erik had brought him hope. Charles is not ready to let go of it yet. There must be some way they can stay together.

***

The problem, as Charles sees it, is that even though they’re growing closer by the day, they’re still not quite close enough. Erik doesn’t trust him with the truth, and in a way, neither does Charles. They need more time to learn each other.

Or, maybe they need a catalyst to break down some of the walls between them.

It’s Shaw who ends up providing that push. The man had been demanding they do more and more to convince Erik they’re falling in love and ready to elope, and finally Charles – desperate for something to change – acquiesces to unbuttoning his shirt and clambering onto the table as he feels Erik’s mind approach. Shaw stoops over him, and Charles can’t control the panicked spike of his pulse, the awareness of his vulnerability as Shaw’s hand glides over his bared chest. His skin crawls.

He has never been more relieved when Erik interrupts.

And that relief turns to joy, to wonder, when Erik finally, finally trusts him with his mutation. Even hours later, Charles’ eyes grow wet with emotion when he remembers that moment. The spark of hope he’s been nursing grows, still fragile, but the possibility of peace seems less remote than before.

With that first barrier down, more follow swiftly. Charles longs to ask Erik endless questions about his power, but he’s spent so much time being poked and prodded at by Uncle and his associates that he’d never do the same to another person. Each time Erik trusts him enough to demonstrate his powers is a precious gift, and Charles tucks each and every instance away as a cherished moment.

Gradually, Erik grows more at ease. He never spends much time discussing his own mutation, but sometimes he slips in little comments: No need to keep looking for your pen, I can sense it rolled behind your desk there or All this picking up after you almost makes me wish I had telekinesis instead, I know a girl with that power.

One night, Charles’ caution slips for just a second and he asks: “Do you know many other mutants, Erik?”

Erik instantly freezes, but then he jerks his head in a nod. “I worked with an all-mutant group. We had all sorts there.”

Charles smiles. Gently now, mustn’t make Erik clam up again. “You must miss them terribly. I can’t imagine this mansion has much to offer in comparison.”

He’s been dropping openings here and there lately, giving Erik opportunities to admit to the true purpose behind his presence at the mansion. But Erik’s loyalty to Shaw – or perhaps his distrust of humans – holds too strong. Charles takes it as a sign that they aren’t ready for the whole truth yet.

Erik crosses his long legs, still cautious, but not entirely unwilling to talk. “They’re getting along fine without me.”

“That has nothing at all to do with the question of whether or not you miss them,” Charles says, gently chiding.

“We weren’t exactly friends.”

“But you must still care for them.”

“…I do.” Erik looks a little surprised at his own admission, his mouth quirking. “You’d enjoy meeting them.”

It’s not the first time Erik has raised the subject of life outside the mansion. And, like every time before that, Charles bites his lip and tries to calm the nervous jump of his pulse. “If they’re anything like you, I certainly will.”

“Some of them are. But we’ve got a few kids with us too. You’d get along, you could hold story time with them with all that poetry of yours.”

Erik’s eyes bore into his. He’s not the only one probing for answers here. Charles meets his eyes levelly, not hiding the quiet sorrow he feels.

Someday soon, all their secrets will come spilling out into the open and perhaps that will be the end of everything. But for now, he’ll cherish the time they have left to them.

“Tell me more about the children?”

Erik’s expression softens. “They’re wonderful. Strong, tough. There’s a little girl we rescued, right before I had to leave…”

The pictures Erik paints for him are vivid: mutant children, just coming into their powers, getting into scraps and mischief like any other children do. It’s clear that Erik loves them, but there’s a bittersweet flavour to his thoughts, a resigned belief that these children will grow up to be soldiers.

Charles would happily listen to Erik talking all night, but Erik is ever mindful of the time, and before long he’s chivvying him to bed. “Get some sleep, Charles, you know you get migraines if you stay up too late.”

“I wouldn’t mind, it seems like a fair trade. I quite enjoy listening to you talk.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Erik’s mind sparks with fondness. Charles firmly shoves down the urge to step closer and kiss the teasing smirk off his face.

“Maybe just a little. Help me get ready for bed?”

“Yes, sir.”

Erik helps him with his clothes as he always does. Charles stands still under his hands as Erik’s clever fingers undo button after button, brisk but gentle as he strips Charles of the layers that cover him. He’s nothing like Uncle. The thrum of his mind is all business with just a touch of appreciation, his desire buried deep.

Charles draws in a shallow breath. He knows the dangers of his powers, but Erik…

He loves watching Erik move. He loves watching the play of expressions across Erik’s face, from the dry little smiles to the looks of intense focus. He loves watching the motions of Erik’s long, deft fingers, whether they’re busy undressing him or motioning some metal implement over to his side, flexing his power as easily as breathing.

Erik’s love of his own mutation and his high regard for his fellow mutants is infectious. Inspiring.

For the first time, Charles allows himself to want.

***

The next day he wakes with his heart in his throat and the panicked realization they’re fast running out of time.

***

The corset is constricting, but it’s not the worst thing he’s ever worn, and it’s certainly no worse than the attention of the men battering down on him as he sits there and reads with the painted red smile on his face and his heart racing in fear.

What’s wrong with him tonight? His telepathy – he can’t maintain the distance he needs tonight, can’t maintain his focus.

My body is not my own.

Uncle is watching.

My body is not my own. He sees himself being shoved down onto his knees, a hand fisting in his hair, his breeches yanked down. Charles blinks. No, he’s still at the lectern – that was just, just someone’s fantasies, someone in the fourth row, there…

Uncle is watching. His heavy brow is drawn together in a frown. Charles has paused on his current line for a beat too long.

My body is not my own. He shouldn’t care about any of this. He’s been subject to so much worse before.

God. What would Erik think?

Uncle watches. Charles fights to keep the tremble from his voice.

Hands groping at his chest. A heavy body on top of his. His own voice, wailing like a child, crying and pleading, until someone draws a knife across his throat in a gush of red.

He keeps reading.

Eventually, he manages to drift away, and it becomes easier after that.

***

Afterwards, Uncle says: “We’ll talk after I return from my business trip.”

Charles bows his head. Uncle doesn’t know. There will be no after. He’ll be gone by then, one way or the other.

The guests had dispersed already. All that’s left is for Charles to make his way back to his rooms, back to where Erik and their tangle of secrets and fragile hopes wait.

Instead, his feet carry him towards the yew tree. He lifts his head to face the sky, the wind ruffling through his hair. Overhead the moon is large and bright, beckoning to him through the gaps in the yew’s branches, whispering sweetly of freedom.

Tonight was the last time he had to read for Uncle. One way or the other.

9. “I have something to tell you.” In the warmth of their shared bed, Erik’s expression is both pained and grimly resolved. “Shaw and I, Dr. Schmidt and I, we’ve been working together all along. He’s planning to kill you.”

Charles’ heart soars, whether in perfect joy or perfect fear, he doesn’t know. This is it. Erik has given him the truth.

“We–” Erik begins, but Charles cradles his face, pulling him in for a swift kiss. It may be their last. He focuses on the feeling of Erik’s lips, his skin, the brightness of his mind, searing it all into his memory. Whatever happens, he will cherish this.

“I know,” Charles says. “There’s also something I have to tell you.”

#cherik #xmfc #my writing

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stabbedinthenameofscience · 6 years ago

Text

Liberation movements vs Equality movements

Equality- we’re on the same playing field. The game has been made fair.

Equity- we also consider the factors that have disadvantaged the minority group and allow for compensation to create fairness.

But both exist within the current system. This is the problem with equality movements. They seek to maintain current structures, but to raise up groups within it through a system of equality or equity measures that give everyone the same rights and remove barriers to access in asserting those rights. They do not abolish the structures that made those divisions and oppressions possible.

For example: marriage equality.

Now don’t get me wrong, this was not a worthless cause by a long shot. Relationships matter and all those that people want to have solemnized should be recognized as such. But they still aren’t and can’t be. Here’s why. Marriage equality sought to raise up LGBTQ+ folks to the same level of relationship rights as those who already functioned well within the validated relationship hierarchy. They wanted the “highest” relationship achievement certificate possible in the existing game. In doing so, they utilized a form of identity policing that legitimized those who wanted to be “just like” their straight counterparts while pushing aside those relationship structures that existed outside it. While it created equality within the system of marriage, it did nothing to actually change the system itself which is inherently inequitable. Why? Because it creates a dynamic in which only one type of relationship is considered good enough for the protection of partners in areas such as medical powers, end of life care, probate, child guardianship, etc. A relationship resulting in marriage is the only one that counts. The barriers are removed and the legal structures amended so those rights are within reach of those who want them.

Liberation, however, would have resulted in a fundamentally different outcome. A liberation movement doesn’t accept that marriage between two equal partners is the only functional and validated relationship structure. Were we to push forward under the flag of Queer Liberation, marriage may still exist, but it would be just one of many relationship structures given societal validity. For example, a polyamorous relationship resulting in a network of adults caring for one another would not be considered inferior to a monogamous heterosexual couple with a certificate from a county clerk. Partners living together and sharing a household would not be asked when they were going to be married as though their relationship wasn’t at its highest level of commitment without that process. Liberation aims to give value to the personal choices of individuals who live their lives to their fullest potential. It does not aim to decriminalize human trafficking or relationships with minors because “freedom,” rather it breaks the bonds of hierarchical institutions that oppress individuals that don’t fit in the neat little box made for them. I don’t want marriage equality to be our aim, I want relationship liberation- the freedom to choose how we form relationships without having them seen as inferior if they don’t result in marriage. That includes platonic, aromantic, and asexual relationships. Your squish is important, too.

So no, I don’t want economic equality. I think our economic system is inherently flawed and built on the back of exploitation of the working class. I want economic liberation where everyone can reach their potential because they are actually allowed to function as humans both within a system of work and within a system of barter and creation, of trading skills or earning money for other goods or services. But I also want that liberation to come with a basic income, guaranteed healthcare, and an end to the prison-industrial complex. Equality only guarantees the end of unfair labor practices. It does guarantee true power over one’s future.

I do not want racial equality. I want racial liberation. Racial equality means bringing people of colour up to the same level of treatment to white people in a system that was created with their blood and bones ground into the foundation. People of colour shouldn’t be expected to accept being a part of a system that inherently devalues them because it was built with the expressed intent of keeping them as lesser humans. They need liberation- the power to either tear down the systems that were built specifically to oppress them (local zoning, a good chunk of our mortgage and banking industry, parts of our interstate highway systems, police profiling, the for-profit prison system, the entire Violent Crimes Act, etc) or to operate entirely outside of them like the successful black communities did in Detroit (black bottom) and Tulsa, and so many other cities that had thriving black economies before white people literally burned them down and murdered people or decided that eradicating them through eminent domain and building interstates on top of them was the best course of action.

I do not want equality of the sexes. I don’t want women to have to be equal in a system that is built on their emotional labour, on their physical labor in the home that has never managed to lessen even with technological advances and more involved men, on their ability to be the sole emotional companion of the man in her life. I don’t want women to have to be equal in a system that has been built on her role as a mother and support system, not as an independent leader. When I say I want to see the patriarchy burn, I am talking about liberation, not equality, where a woman can define herself however she likes without ever having to worry about being equal within a system that was built on rape culture.

I do not want trans equality because I don’t want transgender and nonbinary people to also have to be equal in a society that was created without them. I want their liberation so they can stand up and say that they were a part in crafting their communities, their opportunities, and their lives. I don’t want them to have to fight for the use of a pronoun on official documents and to have to feel like they should be thankful for something they should have been guaranteed all along as a result of their humanity. These people should not have to fight for equality in a system that doesn’t serve them. They should be allowed liberation in which they are not constantly surrounded by their own erasure.

I don’t want educational equality because I don’t believe a failed system of student debt is going to solve anything by creating more opportunities for access through further debt and scholarships that saddle students with years worth of salary lost when they are just trying to find a job. I want educational liberation where seeking out opportunities in trade or academia is available to all without hesitation and learning done in a variety of manners is valued. Many of our most pioneering scholars in science were self-taught beyond a basic education and yet we deride any knowledge that isn’t taught at an accredited institution with a degree attached. I don’t think that certification should be entirely eliminated- trades do need safety measures in place and measures to ascertain credentials in hiring are generally considered necessary, but these should be open to all who can prove they know their material and can demonstrate their knowledge and skills.

I don’t want disability equality because we shouldn’t have to exist in a society that automatically assumes it has to adapt itself to us rather than seeing us as an integral part of society. It shouldn’t be an afterthought to add ramps. It shouldn’t be considered something you have to do to adapt an existing default. Liberation would mean that disabled people are a given and that their needs are just a part of how humans live. There are no “adaptations” because that indicates that something else is the normal state of being and disability is not. I want liberation because disability would just be another type of person.

Equality leads to “we gave you this, you’re just like us, now shut up and stop complaining- you have what you wanted.”

Liberation leads to “you mean there are places that don’t see you as human?” because it’s just normal that people are a part of the communities in which they live.

Burn it all down. It’s not serving us. Liberate. Rebuild. Include all people in how we do it this time.

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