#there is a reason why julia's books flopped

[artcinemas]

people should be thankful they have not adapted the exact book series those bridgerton brothers and the male li's were soooo nasty (derogatory)

"but it's not book accurate" well so isn't the whole show. there has been lot of changes in personality and story line for so many characters yet this outrage arises ONLY for francesca and michaela?? where did all of the "oh it's just a silly show it doesn't have to be accurate for us to enjoy" go? this show was never historically or book accurate so why is it a problem now? i hope eloise and cressida are lesbian too. i hope every person complaining about changes ends up even more miserable. you do not give a fuck about the integrity of the story, you just care that you no longer have yet another straight couple.

[morganski-19]

The One with the Child

Robin and Nancy walk into the café after a long day of work. Stopping when they see Jonathan sitting on the couch reading a book with a toddler sitting next to him, playing with a toy. They share a confused look before walking around the couch.

“Hey Jon,” Nancy leads.

Jonathan looks up from his book. “Oh, hey guys. How was work?”

“Uh, fine,” Nancy says, still confused. “Just one, tiny, quick question.”

“Whose child is that?” Robin points at the toddler looking up at them with big eyes.

“Oh, right, this is Argyle’s niece, Stella. He’s in the bathroom, so I’m watching her for a minute.”

Robin flops on the armchair. “Oh, thank God. I thought that was just a random kid.”

Jonathan gives her a weird look. “Did you think I just stole a child? What gave you the impression that I would do that?”

Robin shrugs. “Someone could have just left the child here. You don’t know. That happens. You would be surprised how many times Steve has had to stay afterschool to sit with a kid whose parent forgot to come pick them up.”

“To be fair, my mom did that a few times when I was a kid.” Nancy pulls one of the other chairs closer. “Only a few times though.”

“My mom did that too. Happens when you’re a single mom.”

Argyle comes back from the bathroom, hair braided down his back. “Hey dudes. You meet Stella?” He sits down on the couch, Stella grabbing his arm and hiding behind it. “She’s a bit shy.”

“Robin thought I stole her.”

Robin makes a high-pitched noise. “I did not. I thought you were picked by a lazy parent to be entrusted with their child. That is far different than stealing.”

“Still doesn’t make it any better.”

Robin rolls her eyes, getting up to go order a coffee at the bar.

“Which sister is Stella’s mom?” Nancy asks, trying to change the conversation.

Argyle tries to get Stella to loosen her grip on his arm but fails. “Julia. She has a job interview in the city today so I’m watching her.”

“And you brought her here?” Robin sits back down with her coffee.

“Hey, this is a family friendly establishment until seven and by then she will be back with her mom. She should be done soon to come pick her up.”

Eddie walks into the café, waving as he orders a coffee at the bar. Doing a double take when he sits down, eyes wide.

“I know I’ve only known you guys for like a year but none of you had a secret kid, right?”

“No, this is my sister’s kid. I’m watching her for a few hours.”

Eddie relaxes in his seat. “Oh, thank God. I could not have dealt with that twice in one week.”

Nancy perks up. “Twice?”

“Yeah, remember my buddy Jeff from high school. Apparently, him and his girl are expecting. Sent me into a whole crisis.”

“Oh, that’s why you were cleaning your room a few days ago.”

“I’m offended that’s why you think I was cleaning, but you’re correct.”

“Why were you having a crisis?” Robin asks over her coffee. “It’s not like we’re not at an age where people we know start having kids.”

Eddie makes a large gesture. “That’s why I was having a crisis. It was the first one of my friends that is taking that next step in life. While I’m still stuck between two jobs, not in a relationship, and a giant fucking mess. Sorry,” he apologizes to Argyle.

“She’s two, she doesn’t know what that word means,” Argyle assures.

Steve comes into the café and sits on the chair next to Eddie. Covering his face in his hands. “If I see another first grader, it’ll be too soon.”

“Bad day.” Robin gives him a sympathetic look.

Steve nods. “Three kids had to be sent to the nurse because they were sick. Three, like visibly sick. They shouldn’t have even been sent in at all. And then the rest were just on edge and didn’t want to settle down after recess. And.” He finally spots Stella on the couch. “One of your sister’s kids?”

Argyle nods. “Yeah. Her mom should be here soon, so don’t worry.”

“I said first graders for a reason. They are monsters. What’s her name?”

“Stella. Do you want to say hi?” he asks her. Stella gives Steve a small wave.

Steve melts a little bit. “You have just made my whole day, Stella.”

A woman who looks a little like Argyle walks into the café. Argyle notices her and stands, picking up Stella from the couch. “Hey, Jules. How was the interview?”

“Pretty good. Thanks for watching her again, I appreciate it.” She takes Stella out of Argyle’s arms. “Did you have a good time with Uncle Argyle?” Stella nods into her mother’s shoulder. “Hope she wasn’t too much trouble.”

Argyle shakes his head. “Not at all. Right Jon?”

“Yeah, not at all.”

Julia nods, finally realizing the rest of the group.

“Oh right, Julie, these are my friends. You’ve met some of them. Dudes, this is my sister Julia.”

The group gives a mix of greetings before going back to separate conversations. Julia says hello back before Argyle walks her out of the café.

“It was seriously no trouble watching her, it was nice to see her. And you.”

“I know. Wish I could stay more, but we got to get back.”

“If you need a place to stay, you can chill at our place. I’ll take the couch so you can have a bed.”

Julia shakes her head. “That sweet but I didn’t pack an overnight bag. If we leave now, we might make it before the next rush hour. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you and Jon.”

“Nonsense. You know you’re always welcome at our place.”

“When are you two finally going to cut the crap and get together already. The whole family’s been waiting for it.”

Argyle groans. “Tell me there’s not a betting pool.”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“Jesus. I’m not sure we even ever will. He’s like the first best friend I’ve ever had, I don’t want to lose him over some stupid feelings.”

Stella coos, grabbing at her mom’s hair. “We should go before she starts getting fussy. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you will. You might not believe me, but there’s more hope than you think there is. From an outsider’s perspective.”

“So, I can blame you when everything goes up in flames. Nice.” Julie gently slaps his arm. “Call me when you get back, alright.”

“I will. Wave goodbye to Uncle Argyle, Stella.”

“Bye, bye,” Steve whispers with a small wave.

Argyle smiles. “Bye, Stella. Nice seeing you both.”

They walk down the street to where Julia parked as Argyle returns to the café.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or taken off) @slowandsteddie, @annieofhearts, @cacdyke, @ubpd, @captain--low, @thespaceantwhowrites, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @anne-bennett-cosplayer, @lunaticparisianlady, @apomaro-mellow, @dolphincliffs, @dragonmama76, @maggiebug417, @stevesbipanic, @fearieshadow, @eightpackdiaz, @au79burger @bookworm0690 , @practicallybegging, @potato-of-the-lord, @autumncrocusandladybug, @estrellami-1

[mermaidsirennikita]

(1/2) I love Penelope in the books and I love Nicola and I think the show counterpart was sweet in the first half of the show, so my first instinct was to try and justify her actions. I thought she'd made that choice because she couldn't bear the idea of the guy she loved being deceived, even though the consequences affected her whole family and her directly. But after thinking about it - no.

(2/2) It wasn't about Colin's best interests because objectively it wouldn't be a bad situation for him at all - he'd be married to a gorgeous woman he loved and raising a kid who he'd have no reason to believe wasn't his. It would, however, mean that Penelope had no hope to ever end up with him, and I think that's why she did what she did, which makes it just incredibly selfish. Sorry for ranting into your inbox, I'm just so disappointed lol

That’s my big thing, lol.  Colin would’ve have suffered much at all from being married to Marina.  I’ve seen people argue that he would figure out the kid wasn’t his because born early... But in reality, “giant preemies” were kind of a thing back in Ye Olden Days and it often took years for men to figure out the game, if they ever did.  I don’t think that MOST of the guys in Bridgerton would know much about conception or gestation beyond “don’t cum inside or she’ll definitely get pregnant” (which is.... flawed in itself).  This is why female midwives were so much more valuable to women giving birth and going through pregnancy than male doctors.  I think Marina would have probably said that “omg our baby was born early and IT WAS A MIRACLE”.

Who knows?  Maybe Colin would’ve figured it out.  He would’ve had the power in the marriage, and even if he wasn’t able to reconcile with Marina and work it out with her (which like.... if he was the guy he said he was, maybe he would have been) he would’ve worst case gone off and lived separately from her in an awesome house with a mistress while using some of his buckets of money to provide for Marina and her kid.  Not.... a bad deal.  Certainly nowhere near as bad as what Marina would have ended up with had Sir Phillip not gone in to save her.

Short story is--I’m sure Marina would’ve been a great wife to him, and Colin would’ve been married to a beautiful woman who would have given him plenty of other kids.

I totally get why people who love Penelope from the books are disappointed.  I can’t say I loved her, but I liked her a lot.  And she had a confidence to her!  I missed that so much in the show.  She wasn’t JUST a wallflower, and she’d come to terms with Colin not being for her... and then he was.  And it also felt like he began noticing her because she would argue with him, because she didn’t just desperately pine.

I guess what annoys me is that people seem incapable of saying “I love book!Penelope and a big critique of mine is that the show needlessly made her much crueler and also turned her into this stereotypical desperate fat woman” instead of “I love book!Penelope and therefore I refuse to separate her from show!Penelope and must defend everything she’s done���.  They are two separate characters, and unfortunately the writers fucked up the show’s version.  Which may fuck up the entire Polin plot; I certainly have zero interest in seeing it happen, and as I said in my post... it seems to have flopped with a lot of people who never read the books.

I mean to be fair, the books are also fatphobic, right?  Penelope on the show is alluded to being two stone too heavy, which is also something stated in the books--but by the time Colin falls for her, she’s dropped that weight.  So I guess Julia Quinn wasn’t that interested in a fat heroine either.  She could fall in love and have sexy carriage romps after she dropped the weight, of course.  

[its8simplejulesblog]

I’ve made a few blogs before

All of which flopped because I was too ambitious and I structured it in a way that limited creativity, at least in my opinion. I was trying to fit myself into a mold of the influencers that I was so drawn to on youtube but SURPRISE Julia, that’s their job. I was always way too busy to devote myself to a blog, but with quarantine, I’ve got nothing but time now. 

I figure, for the most part, I’ll just pop on here to write anything I’m feeling in the current moment. Throughout my life I’ve always been the type to carefully plan everything out, so I think having an outlet where I don’t would be nice for me and verrrrrryyy interesting for you :) 

Above anything else, I value learning about people; and, to be quite honest it’s pretty presumptuous of me to think that anyone would be interested in learning about what’s going on in my head at all hours of the day but I wanted to give it a shot because if anything, this is more for me than for anyone else. 

So what can you expect on here:

1.) Me talking about my feelings- This definitely scares me because while I am very much an open book, I often feel like my friends get tired of me talking about things that happen to me so in a social setting I’m more of a listener than a talker. It’s very rare for me to say something like “okay, that’s enough, now here’s MY problem.” I just think that’s...frustrating..but let me tell you I know enough people that have no issues doing that to me. 

2.) Quarantine Activities- There is nothing that I dislike more than being alone with my thoughts. For that reason, I am going to try my best to try some new things and let you in on them. As much as I am very much the type to fill my schedule with every possible activity, there is a very limited number of activities now..so you best believe I won’t be sitting here doing nothing this entire time. 

3.) Stories- I have a lot of them. From traveling to drama HAHA I will not hold anything back. This is pretty public though so if it comes down to it I will most likely change people’s names. For the most part, however, if you know me in real life it should be pretty easy to figure out who people are ;) There’s nothing more boring to me than someone who tries to save face at all costs, I’ll essentially spill everything about my life..I have nothing to lose. 

4.) Advice- I don’t anticipate this getting popular outside of my group of friends and people I know, but if anyone says “Julia I need help with this” or “Julia, what do you think about this,” then I GOT you.

5.) Rants- Same as stories...I don’t know why I put this 

6.) Random- This bullet essentially means that everything you just read above is null and void because I said that I wasn’t going to make this a structured blog and wouldn’t you know it, I proceeded by making a bulleted list, way to go left brain 

Welcome <3

[minister-for-femslash]

Pool of Destiny

Summary; Fen and Julia take a trip to the Pool of Destiny.

Word Count; 3,536

Author’s Note; My submission for @thewelterschallenge, theme 2 destiny

“It will just be for a couple of days,” Fen says, as she follow Margo down the corridor towards the throne room. “Five at the most.”

One of the guards holds a letter delicately in the palm of his hand. He offers it to Margo who snatches it as she passes without a word or acknowledgement. Fen offers the guard a sympathetic smile but it's not one he returns, he remains stoically committed to his job.

“It's just, with Eliot and Quentin sailing around the outer islands and with you now back as High King I feel like this is something that I need to do and I've been reading the Fillory books, the ones that Quentin gave me and there this pool. They call it the Pool of Destiny and I thought I could go there and see if there was anything there for me.”

Margo suddenly stops and Fen almost collides into her.

“Have you seen this?” Margo asks, waving the letter in Fen's face.

“Erm, no.”

“Apparently they want to build a shine.”

“To who? Ember?”

“No. To Julia. It's those farmers, the ones that live near the forest she regrew. They want to build an altar and a temple. They want my permission to worship her.”

“Well, she is a goddess.”

“Ex-goddess.” Margo marches into the throne room and Fen quickly follows. “Speaking of.” There's a sharpness in Margo's tone as she glares at Julia, who is currently perched on the edge of Margo's throne.

Julia's foot is up on a stool. Her trousers are ripped and there's a little hint of blood. Julia is looking at a cut on her thigh. It's thin and small, and Fen assumes that it's shallow, nothing to be worried but.

“That's my throne.”

“Hi Margo,” Julia says. “Hey, Fen.”

“Hey.”

“Here.” Margo practically flicks the letter at Julia, who catches it. “You'll want to read this.”

Julia does, and Fen waits, standing on the sidelines.

“Wow, that's... Wow.” Julia smiles as she reads through the letter again. “I don't know what to say, this is...”

“Not funny. That's what it is.”

“Margo, please,” Fen finally says, as she walks towards her. “If I could just let me borrow the Muntjac for a few days.”

“The Muntjac? What?”

“I want to go to the Pool of Destiny.”

“Oh. Why didn't you just say so? Of course you can take the Muntjac.” Margo is about to turn away, only to stop and turn back. “In fact, why don't you take Julia with you.”

“What?” Julia says.

“Yeah, you can take a little detour. Go and see your followers, show them how human their new deity is.” Margo strides out of the room.

Julia looks over and offers Fen a small, sympathetic smile. “So, boat trip?”

-----

Julia stretches her right leg out in front of her. Her ankle hangs over the side of the mud pool, her heel just millimetres above it. She massages her thigh, her fingers digging into the muscle roughly, harshly, but still being careful to avoid the cut.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Julia asks.

Fen doesn't answer.

“We could always just, head back,” Julia says.

“I've come this far, to go back now-” Fen shakes her head. “I just can't.”

“Okay.”

They fall back into silence and Fen watches as Julia continues to massage her thigh, a fresh drop of blood appearing on her jeans. They've been travelling for almost three days and they've had this conversation many times and even though Fen knows Julia is just trying to help, she isn't sure that she can explain it again.

“Are you alright?” Fen asks.

Julia nods her head. “Yeah, I'm fine.” She stops massaging her thigh and her hands flop to the ground. “It's not all it's cracked up to be. Destiny. It's just a fancy word for not having control of your life and that is a special kind of hell, believe me, I know. Sometimes it feels like ever since I was kept out of Brakebills, other people have been controlling my life; Jane, Persephone, even Penny.” Julia sighs. “Don't underestimate the power of freedom, Fen.”

“I won't.”

Julia looks at her and smiles sadly. There's a sheen of sweat on her forehead and her hands are shaking just slightly. “Okay,” Julia says. She doesn't look convinced and Fen doesn't blame her, she didn't really sound convincing. “Shutting up now. I think I'm going to turn in. Are you coming?”

“No. I think I'm going to stay here for awhile.”

“Sure.” Julia stands up and she sways slightly.

Fen reaches for her hand to steady her. “Are you alright?” Fen quickly stands up and wraps her arms around Julia's waist.

“Yeah, I just... I felt a bit dizzy, for a moment.” Julia's arms rest against Fen's shoulders and Fen is acutely aware of the fact that she is the only thing holding Julia up.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just need to lie down for a little bit.” Julia pulls back slightly, her hands sliding away from Fen's shoulders. She seems steadier now, she doesn't sway or shake. She wipes the sweat from her forehead and gives a quick nod of her head. “I'm fine. I'm okay.”

Fen isn't sure who Julia's trying to convince, Fen or herself.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Julia takes another step away and she seems fine. A little pale, but mostly fine and Fen bites her tongue as Julia walks towards the tent they've set up.

Julia stops and slowly turns back to Fen. “You're going in there, aren't you?” Julia says. “Because this is something that you have to do alone.”

“Yeah.”

“I get that.” Julia walks back over to her. She gently takes Fen's hands and then leans in and kisses her cheek. “Please, be careful, okay?”

“Okay.”

Julia heads into the tent and Fen can see her shadow as she slowly climbs into her sleeping bag. Fen watches, just to make sure that she's okay, up until the moment that Julia turns the light off and then she waits, five minutes, and then ten. In the end twenty minutes seems like a reasonable amount of time.

She slowly takes off her jacket, folds it neatly and places it on the edge of the mud pool. She takes off her shoes, as well, and then her socks. She sits on the edge and lowers her legs in gently, the mud immediately encases them, latches on, almost like a leech and she can feel it pulling her down. She sees the bracelet on her wrist – the one that Eliot gave to her a few days after their impromptu wedding - and takes it off. She places it delicately on top of her jacket and then slides down into the mud pool.

It sucks her in, quicker than she's expects it to and before she really has time to think she's up to her neck in mud. She manages to take a deep breath, grabs at her nose and closes her eyes before her face disappears beneath the surface.

It wraps around her, squeezing at her and she struggles to breath as she sinks down. She tries to move, to wriggle, but the mud has her stuck, like her body is trapped in a vice. She can't go back up, she can't open her eyes and she can't take a breath, all she can do is continue to sink further and further down and hope that this isn't another one of Fillory's funny little quirks or another invention of Christopher Plover and that she isn't about to die at the bottom of a mud pool.

She doesn't have to wait long to find out. Just as her chest begins to tighten and burn her feet become free. They dangle in the air as her legs also slide out of the mud, followed by the rest of her body. She drops, just a few feet but it takes her by surprise and she tumbles forward, lands hard on her hands and knees.

“Ow.”

She brushes the dirt from her hands and slowly climbs to her feet. She's in a narrow corridor, with rough, stone walls. She looks up and the mud pool is hovering in the air, like a temporary ceiling. A light flickers across the wall and Fen sees a torch with a flame. She grabs it. It's wedged into the metal holster tight and she has to yanks it, hard before it comes loose.

The end of the corridor is dark, almost pitch black. She holds the torch out and a little bit a light shines down.

“Okay then.” Fen takes a deep breath, like a shot of much needed oxygen and courage, and she begins to walk down the corridor.

It takes a sharp turn the right and Fen stops. She presses herself against the wall. She reaches for the knife that's tucked into her belt, her fingers wrapping tight around the handle. She slowly creeps forward, the stone wall feels rough against her cheek as she peers around the corner. It's pitch black. She moves the torch forward and sees something, a flicker of colour. But it's flat, two dimensional, nothing more than a painting on a wall.

Fen slowly steps out. She moves the torch back and forth and the light flickers down the corridor, there's no sign of anybody else. She takes a few more steps and the sounds echo around her. She holds the torch up to the wall and looks at the painting. She recognises Ember and Umber, their horns almost comically large as they stand atop of what Fen assumes is meant to be a newly birthed Fillory. The painting is crude but detailed.

Fen shakes her head.

She continues down the corridor. There are more paintings on the wall, some of them involve Ember and Umber, some have the Chatwins; Martin and Jane mostly, but the majority of them Fen doesn't recognise even though they're clearly important moments in Fillory's history.

And then she gets to Quentin.

At first she doesn't recognise him, it's the very obvious drawing of the throne room in Castle Whitespire that catches her attention. But after a moment she recognises the clothes, she recognises the way his hair flops down in front of his face as he drives the sword into Ember's chest.

“Okay, that's... Okay.” She stares at it for a few seconds and then she steps away.

There are two other paintings that she recognises; one is Margo being crowned High King and the other is Julia recreating the keys in Castle Blackspire. She stops at both of them, admires them and wonders if there will ever be a painting of her.

She continues down the corridor, turns another corner, this time with a little less caution and she sees a door, thick wood with a large metal handle that has rusted over. She walks over and reaches for it. She can feel this pulsating heat emanating from it and she hesitates, her hand hovering just inches away.

“Are you sure you want to go in there?”

Fen stops dead. She recognises the voice instantly, the confidence, the air of authority, but it's not possible. It's just not possible. Fen turns slowly and it's not possible, and yet she stands there in all her regality, all her elegance, all her power. The Fairy Queen. “Fen,” she says. She holds out her arms, presumably waiting for Fen to embrace her, just like she did the last time, but Fen stays perfectly still.

“You're dead,” Fen says.

“Yes.”

“You died.”

“Yes.”

“But you're here.”

“Yes.”

“But you died.”

“Yes.”

“Are you real?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“There are things in this world that we may not understand.”

“Does that mean you don't know?”

The corner of the Fairy Queen's lip curls upwards, the smallest of smiles, that is there and then it's gone. “Fen, my dearest Fen.”

Finally they embrace. The Fairy Queen's hands resting delicately on Fen's shoulders.

“Why are here?” Fen asks.

“I'm here to see you.”

“To stop me.”

“No.”

“To let you see. Come.”

Fen looks over her shoulder. The door handle seems brighter now, almost like it's shining and she can feel the pull of it.

“Fen,” the Fairy Queen says.

Fen turns back and sees the Fairy Queen holding her hand out for her. She takes a breath, and has a final look at the door before she takes the Fairy Queen's hand.

They walk back down the corridor, past the paintings and back to the mud pool. For a moment Fen thinks that the Fairy Queen is going to tell her to go back, but instead she continues on, stone walls and a dust covered floor appearing in front of her, like it's being conjured simply by her presence. Fen wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

This corridor isn't as long as the other and they quickly come to the end. Fen stops and her breath catches in her throat, her grip on the Fairy Queen's hand tightens just a little. There's another painting, and she's in it.

It's her and Julia standing in front of the Fairy Queen and next to it, slightly smaller but no less important, the Fairy Queen breaking the deal and freeing the enslaved fairies.

“Tell me why you are here,” the Fairy Queen says.

“To find out what my destiny is.”

“No. Tell me why you are here.”

Fen looks over at the Fairy Queen and the Fairy Queen looks back with an intensity, and a knowingness in her eyes. Fen sighs, because she knows that there's no point in lying.

“I want -” Fen sighs again - “I want something to be about me, for a change. I want to be important.”

“You are.”

“No.”

“There is currently an ex-goddess lying in a tent unable to sleep because she is worrying about you and there is currently a High King of Fillory sitting on her throne, unable to listen to her advisors because she is wondering where you are. You are important to them.”

“That's not... You can't just define me by the people I know.”

“Alright. How about the people you saved?” The Fairy Queen reaches out and touches the painting of herself breaking the deal. “How many of my people are safe and alive because of you? Was that destiny?”

“Is that why you're here, to tell me that I already fulfilled my destiny? That my role in all of this was to lose my baby and then save the fairies?”

“No. I'm asking, was that destiny or was it a choice?”

Fen hesitates. She isn't certain of the answer.

“Do you believe that Mr Coldwater was fulfilling his destiny when he freed Fillory from Ember's tyranny? Or was he defying it? Do you think Miss Wicker was destined to restore magic to the world? Or do you think she sacrificed her destiny, her divinity so that the rest of us could prosper?”

“You want me to say the second one.”

“I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to see. It wasn't my destiny to die for my people, I chose to and choice, it will always be more important, more defining than destiny.”

“I came all this way, if I don't open the door now...”

“Of course. You have a choice to make.”

“It doesn't seem like much of a choice,” Fen says, as she begins to walk down the corridor. “If my choices matter then opening the door won't.”

“True, but your friend will be dead.”

Fen stops. “What?”

“Miss Wicker. She has a cut on her thigh.”

“Yeah, it's just a cut,” Fen says, but her voice wavers.

“It's a prick from a Psyhoon. As you know, they're poisonous.”

Fen's blood runs cold. “It's already been at least twenty four hours.” Her voice is quickly getting louder and higher-pitched.

“Yes. She's strong but it's only a matter of time.”

“There's no way that I can get her back to Castle Whitespire in time, it's too far, even with the Muntjac. She's going to die.”

“No, you still have time.” The Fairy Queen reaches under her cloak and takes out a small vial of bright, blue liquid. The antidote. “No destiny, just choice. You can go through the door or you can go back to the surface and you can save your friend.”

Fen doesn't hesitate and later, when she finally has a chance to breath she won't regret the choice.

She grabs the blue vial from the Fairy Queen's hand and runs, no sprints down the corridor. She reaches the mud pool and jumps. Her fingers brush against the mud but all it does is ripple under her touch. She can't grasp onto it, can't pull herself up.

“Here. Allow me help you,” the Fairy Queen says.

And with a blink of her eye Fen is floating. Her arms flail for a moment and then she settles. It feels like she's being lifted up by gentle hands. Fen manages to turn in the air, and she looks directly at the Fairy Queen.

“Come with me.” Fen holds out her hand as the top of her head touches the mud pool.

“I can't. I'm already dead. Goodbye Fen.”

Fen takes a deep breath as she is sucked back into the mud pool. It's faster going up than it was going down, probably because of the Fairy Queen's magic and she comes out the other side in a matter of seconds. Her legs come out of the mud last and as she reaches for the bank, she realises that she's still floating.

“Wait. No, wait. Stop.” Fen reaches out, her arms outstretched but the bank is too far away. She kicks with her legs, almost like she's trying to swim and she moves, just a little but she moves. She kicks again and again, harder, with more ferocity. She manages to grab onto a branch of a nearby tree. She holds tight and it feels so thin, so brittle that she's worried it'll crumble under her grip, but she does manage to pull herself closer. She twists her body, and grabs a slightly stronger branch to stop herself from floating. She slams her feet against the truck and propels herself downwards.

She hits the ground, hard. Whatever magic was making her float is gone in an instant. There's a pain in her hip, in her thigh and all wants is a moment to lie in the dirt but she doesn't have time. She takes a deep and a little painful breath, and then climbs to her feet. She rushes towards the tent. Fen easily pushes aside the fabric, Julia hasn't even bothered to do the zip up.

She looks down at Julia, the vial gripped tightly in her hand. She looks small, fragile. There's a heavy sheen of sweat on her face, stains on her chest and under her armpits. She's trembling, her whole body shaking. Her eyes are closed. Her breaths shallow, almost like wheezing.

“Julia,” Fen says. “Julia.” She touches Julia's shoulder and gives it a gently shake.

Julia's eyes remain closed, but still she whimpers softly. Fen looks down at the wound on Julia's thigh. It's small, almost a pin prick but the skin around it is black. It's spreading out across the rest of her thigh, like a spider's web.

“It's okay. I have...” Fen's hand shakes as she lifts up the vial and removes the top. Some of it spills out and down the side. She wipes her finger across the glass, collecting up the stray drop and then rubs it into Julia's wound. She takes the vial and pours the rest onto the cut, being careful, making sure that she gets the majority of it directly onto the wound and hopes that it will be enough.

It takes a few hours. Fen can see the first few rays of sunlight shine through the thin lining of the tent as Julia finally begins to stir. She cradles Julia's head in her lap. Her temperature has fallen and the blackness on her skin is fading. Julia coughs and splutters, and her eyes slowly open.

“Hey,” Fen says.

“H...” Julia croaks.

“Here.” Fen reaches for the bag in the corner of the tent and pulls out a water bottle. She manages to take off the top and continues to cradle Julia's head as she brings the bottle to her lips.

Julia takes a sip, then another and another, until she's gulping the water down.

“Better?” Fen asks.

“Yeah, a little, yeah.” Julia looks around, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What...? What happened?”

“The cut on your leg, it was caused by a Psyhoon. It's poisonous. I gave you the antidote.”

Julia tries to lift herself up, but she's clearly still weak and she lowers herself back down into Fen's lap. “Did you find it? Your... Your destiny?”

“Not really.” Fen gently brushes the hair and the remaining sweat away from Julia's forehead. She's breathing better now, slower, more rhythmically.

“I'm sorry.”

“Thanks. But maybe that's okay, maybe it's... Maybe it's better this way.”

[pjdredful]

The AV Club

Chapter 6

"Hi there Evie, I didn't know you had a morning appoint today." I smile briefly at Sandra the receptionist as I sign in to the log book.

 "I don't I was just hoping I could talk to Tony for a second. I guess I should have called. He might have a client or something." Sandra turns and pulls up the daily schedule for all the therapists that have an office on this floor. She makes a tutting sound as she scrolls through the list of names.

 "He usually takes his first about an hour after he arrives. Tony likes to take his time to get settled in the morning." There's another soft tut tut sound and then she turns back to me with a wider smile. "He's clear for another half hour. Do you want take a seat and I'll let him know you're here?"

 I nod at that and offer her a smile of thanks before picking my favorite spot under the fake ficus in the corner. I'm sitting here chewing on my fingernail not really focusing on anything yet hyper aware of the rectangular outline of my mom's journal in the front zip pouch of my messenger bag. Hyper aware of every tick and click of the too cold air conditioner. Hyper aware of the not so covert glances from another patient waiting to be seen. I look away from my dead stare at the wall to the guy in the corner. He looks away quickly and in that second I could swear I see a hint of shadow around him. I blink but the light changes as someone walks in the door from outside. The brightness blinds me for a second and when my vision clears there's no longer a shadow. I look away with a slightly confused, frown and pick up my phone just to give myself something to do while I wait for Tony.

 I don't have long to wait because the inner door to the hall opens and Tony pokes his head out. "Evie…I'm surprised. Your appointment isn't until this afternoon." It was a gamble coming here before school but I've been stewing all weekend with the knowledge that Tony may have known my mom. I stop chewing my nail and untuck my leg from under me. "Everything okay?" Is it? I'm not entirely sure how to answer that so I shrug.

 "Sorry I just dropped by, I didn't know if you had a client or something…"

 "I always have time for you." He says it so pleasantly as if I didn't throw a tantrum and storm off the last time I was here. I take the time to tuck my phone away in to my messenger bag before standing and walking through the door to his office. I can feel eyes on me and I can see that guy watching me as the closes between us. Weirdo. "Can I get you something? Water or tea?" I cut him an annoyed look and move to stand in the middle of the office debating how I want to approach things.

 "Some answers would be nice."

 Tony's amicable smile fades a little at that. He closes the door and strides a few steps in, standing in front of me with his hands behind his back. "Alright, I can see you want to get right to things. What do you want to know."

 "Did you treat my mother?" I have to know the answer to this because everything hinges on what he says to me right now. I can tell that he doesn't quite want to answer but he straightens his back with a deep breath. I don't know why I've never noticed how tall he is before. I guess I never noticed much of anything about him but I take it all in while I wait. He's got wiry strength to him that I can see despite the blazer and chinos. Hm. Interesting.

 "Yes and no." I stop trying to guess his age based on deep crow's feet at the corner of his eyes and look directly at him. I am not in the mood for games right now and the answer he just gave me is a hair to close to playing. "That is to say I didn't work for Knollwood but I did spend some time working with her at the facility."

 This brings up so many more questions and I don't know which one to ask first and which to let go of for another time. Luckily it's not like Warrow, I don't have a question limit. I could spend the whole session questioning him and probably he'd answer me. As long as I don't find out something that will make me storm off before I get the answers I really want. Which could be a problem. Mom always did say I had my father's short temper.  "If you didn't work for Knollwood how did you even know who my mom was?"

 "The truth is I knew your mom from a long time back." Oh I want to punch him. Right in the junk. I can feel my face going red but this time it's not from embarrassment it's from anger. "Look, Evie, maybe we should sit down, we have so much to talk about."

 I'm still debating physical violence but I turn on my heel and flop angrily on to the couch. Tony watches me warily as I cross my arms over my chest and glare. He takes his time sitting down, giving himself a few minutes to sort his words. "You knew her. You knew who she was, you had her things, and you didn't tell me. You acted like…she was just a distant relative, not a real figure in my life." I haven't started to raise my voice. Yet. But the strain of keeping it in shows in the way I have to clear my throat. "Why?"

 He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Tony looks at his interlocked fingers and swallows thickly. "I didn't tell you because I knew you would think it was unethical if you didn't trust me first." Well pretty much I'm going to think it's unethical anyway but it's interesting that he was intentionally trying to garner my trust. As if that would somehow make it all better. Why does every one think that lying to me is the best way to get me to trust them?? "Evie you have to understand, I never meant to upset you but, given your mom's situation I thought it best to find a place in your life before speaking with you about my involvement with her."

 "Given her situation?" I uncross my arms and lean forward myself. "And which situation would that be?" The one where she was chosen to see the things that move in this world beneath the surface of humanity? Or the one where her own husband kept her from her daughter because she couldn't control the power swirling inside of her? And what does that even mean? Find a place in my life?

 Tony leans back almost as if he doesn't like being in striking range. "Her Beacon situation."

 This time I leap to my feet and move in close, towering over his seated form in all my five foot glory. "You did not just say that to me." I want to…I want to…I don't know what I want to do! Punching and slapping him about the head and face doesn't seem like a rational action choice even if it would feel really good. I'm shaking as I lean forward a little more, intent on getting right in his face but my mother's rune medallion slips out of my shirt and hangs between us. "You bast…" For a second I think it's just the way I'm standing but it's swinging wildly back and forth around my neck as if it's trying to reach out to Tony and it startles me enough into trailing off my rant.

 "Kenaz…" What? I look sharply from the necklace to Tony. He takes a deep breath and opens the top two buttons of his shirt.  A silver chain spills out, and a small nearly identical medallion to my mom's hangs in the air straining toward mine. I reach out and catch mine in my hand, jerking back a few steps. Tony's medallion drops limply to his chest and with a sickening realization I understand Warrow's cryptic remark.

 "Oh…my…God. You're the Guardian…you were her Guardian!" I point at him but that doesn't seem like enough of a punctuation to my epiphany. "You're the reason my mom lost her mind!" Tony stands and takes a few steps away, rubbing his chin as he paces a bit. It's very different from the ever patient therapist that's been waiting months for me to talk to him. God it all makes so much sense now.

 "Yes. Yes Evie I was her…Guardian. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I had to know if you understood, I wasn't sure if you knew what you were, what you're capable of."

 "Are you KIDDING ME?!" This time I lose control of my voice, the last part coming out a little more squeaky than forceful. "You sat here and waited for me to tell you all my secrets so you could what? Decide to stop lying to me? What kind of jacked up sense does that make?"

 "Apparently no kind of good sense at all. Look Evie, I am so very sorry it happened this way…" No. I'm not hearing this.

 "No you don't get to just say sorry like it's going to be okay!" I turn my back on him wondering what the hell just happened. I've never seen anything metal move like that unless magnets were involved. I look at the rune still trapped in my hand, tracing it's lines with my thumb. "You broke your bond to my mom, and I don't exactly know what it means but I know whatever you did broke her. And she went crazy because of you. You, Tony."

 "I know. It's…really complicated Evie. There are just so many things…" He sounds tired and I turn back towards him, watching warily. I obviously can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

 "Uncomplicate it." He gives me a resigned nod and moves to lean against the edge of his desk. Tony loosely crosses his arms over his chest, almost mimicking my posture.

 "I first met your mom when my family moved in across the street from hers. I was just a boy. Ten years old I think. I thought Julia was the prettiest girl in the whole world." He smiles at the memory and I frown even deeper. "We got along like gangbusters but then we were supposed to." Something in his posture changes letting me know that he's unhappy with the memory of that knowledge. "We were friends almost instantly, going to school together and all. I always liked your mom, Evie. She was nice, really nice not fake nice, and her smile could light up a room." Literally even, apparently.

 I remember her smile too though. When mom smiled, everyone smiled with her even if they didn't intend to. She had a way of disarming even the angriest of people with that smile. I shift uncomfortably from foot to foot wishing I wasn't too stubborn to go sit back down. "When did she…" Light up? No I don't want to say that out loud. That would sound weird and too close of an admission of it happening to me.

 "Become a Beacon?" I nod and he huffs a little in thought. "Not until she was about sixteen. Boy did it ever scare her at first. It scared us both." So he was there. He was with my mom when she became a Beacon. "I imagine it must have been scary for you too." I stiffen at that but nod once in affirmation.

 "How'd you know?"

 He points to my mom's necklace. "I wear the mate to that necklace. This…is Algiz. It means protector. They wouldn't have reacted like that if you were normal." Oh thank you. Very very much. I roll my eyes at him.

 "Fantastic. Even my therapist thinks I'm abnormal. Go on." I gesture impatiently for him to continue because I really don't want him to get distracted from telling me what I've needed to know for so long. And really, what can he say? I didn't mean it like that? Yeah he totally did. Because the truth is, I AM abnormal.

 "I was born to protect her but even if I hadn't been I would have vowed to do it anyway. That's how much I cared about your mom." I start to ask why he left but he forestalls me with a raised hand. "It's best if I just tell you what I know now, while you're willing to listen. There are things I have to say that may…" Tony struggles for a word and finally settles with a tip of his head. "upset you."

 Alright I'm willing to hold my questions until the end. If I manage not to storm out before then. Reluctantly I slump back against a wall in a more comfortable position. Sitting just seems too vulnerable and I really don't want to be in the place of a patient right now. "Fine, I'm listening."

 He nods and taps his thumbs idly on the edge of the desk he's propped on. "When man first rose to being, this world was inhabited by creatures of darkness and shadow both seen and unseen. Demons, malevolent spirits, perverse creatures and abominations so beset man that the heavens were filled with the pleas and prayers of desperate humans. The god of vision and light was so plagued by the desperation of man that he descended to this earth to see for himself what was happening. The human race it seems was on the verge of extinction."

 Well that's an uncomfortable thought. I guess now that he's explaining I can see why he wanted me to wait before asking questions. "And yet we survived. Like cockroaches."

 He gives me a short chuckle and nods a bit. "I guess we have." This doesn't mean everything is cool. It just means I'm choosing to put my anger away for the moment so I can hear him out. I think he understands that because he doesn't linger on the topic but continues on. "Though perhaps we survived because of divine intervention. Although he couldn't stay in this realm without risking becoming mortal himself the god of light wanted to leave humanity a secret weapon. A way to fight back against the multitudes of otherworldly beings. His children grew to be Beacons, to see with a god's divinity into the dark."

 Wait. Hold up. "So…this light god decided to just run around knocking girls up?" Tony makes a gesture I can't interpret and shrugs.

 "Well I'm sure he'd consider it blessing them but basically, yes."

 Only a man would consider that "blessing" a woman. I give him a mild look and shake my head.  "Does this horny light god have a name?"

 Tony scoffs softly and shakes his head. "Some have called him Zeus, others Magec, Huitzilopochtli, Ra or Yaweh but really those are only but some of his names. He is far older than that, and much more eternal than any myth. As evidenced by the fact that in the here and now a Beacon still shines before us."

 Right. So basically he's been a god in every pantheon. Fantastic. "And the Guardians? How do you play in to that?" He shrugs a bit at that and moves to stand away from the desk.

 "When man realized what gift had been left them a fellowship was formed to protect the Beacons. Generation after generation each Beacon found themselves partnered to a Guardian. The magic of such a strong partnership eventually creates a bond. It links the Guardian to the Beacon's power. Our bond allowed me to do amazing things for your mom. I could find her anywhere even if she didn't know where she was, and I always knew when she was in trouble. As a bonded pair her power flowed through me like it was a part of me."

 I don't like the look on his face. It's a mix of shame and longing and it makes me feel a little weird. "What do you mean her power flowed through you?"

 "I mean that her power made me faster, stronger, and better than any human has a right to be. And it was intoxicating. Addicting even." I narrow my eyes but he doesn't look away this time. "Power like that can change a person, and it did. I changed and not for the better. I was young and stupid and I let the power ride me too often, even when I didn't need to."

 "I don't suppose there was magic rehab you could have gone to, was there?"

 He shakes his head no at that. "No. Eventually my addiction got so bad that I started doing things…wrong things. Just to feel normal again. And…because I could." I'm not entirely sure I want to know what those wrong things are. Especially if they involved my mother. "The only way to save myself was to get as far away as I could from the source of my addiction."

 My mom. "She couldn't handle it without you." He nods slowly at that and lowers his head.

 "We didn't know that Evie. Your mom wanted to protect me as much as I wanted to protect her. She asked me to go. Begged actually." I can see from the haunted look in his eyes that he regrets ever being in a place where that choice had to be made. I can see it in the slow, shallow breaths he's concentrating on so hard to maintain. It reminds me of the saying that still waters run deep for some reason.

 "Why didn't you just come back when you were better?"

 Tony idly scratches the spot just behind his ear looking both shifty and embarrassed at the same time. "I did but…well a lot of years had passed. We hadn't spoken in almost a decade and when I came back things were different. She was happy. I couldn't risk messing that up for her so I left again."  

I blink at that trying to process it. "Wait, you mean you came back and she wasn't in Knollwood yet? And you…you didn't try to help her?"

 "I loved her Evie. With everything I was. I couldn't see her with…your dad." I push off the wall and get closer to him again. Tony slides his hands in to his pockets and I'm fighting back the urge to cry. "I didn't know what would happen if I stayed away. I didn't know she'd…"

 "You selfish son of a bitch." He pretty much ruined her life, and mine, and my father's. I can't imagine that my dad would let him anywhere near me if he had known who Tony was. I'm not entirely sure I want him anywhere near me either at the moment.  At least he isn't trying to argue it. "So what? You thought you could come back and make up for everything by stalking me?"

 Tony looks up at me quickly but I'm already shaking my head and heading for the door. I still have a million and three questions but right now I can't think of any that matter much. "Evie please, wait…let me help you. There are things you still don't know. I can help you control your power."

 I stop at the door and turn to glance at him over my shoulder. "I can't right now."  The knob twists in my hand and I open the door, stopping as I step through to stare at him. "You could have saved her. But you only saved yourself." I shut the door behind me with a quiet click. I know there is no way I can ever trust him. First because it was way too easy to lie to me and secondly because he thought about himself before my mom. I get that he had to go away because he was abusing the power. I understand that and I don't fault it. But. He could have been there for my mom when he was better and he chose not to.

 My feet lead me past the reception desk. I wave and try for a slight smile for Sandra but shadow catches the corner of my eye and I glance quickly at her face. For a second I could have sworn I saw a shadowy shape superimposed over hers but it must have been my mind playing tricks on me. She gives me a rather stiff smile and watches me walk out of the office. That was just plain weird. It's not the first time it's happened since I lit up like a Christmas tree and I've been able to dismiss it as an optical illusion or trick of the light but I can't help but think about what I saw when I looked at Warrow.

 A trickle of anxiety runs through me and I glance back at the frosted glass door in time to see a plump shadow move behind it. Okay. Not cool. I don't really want to turn my back to the office door now so I lean against the light post and dig my phone out of my bag. I can just hear the bus pulling up to the stop and know I'll never make it in time. Without really looking away from the door I dial Mo and wait for him to pick up.

 "Hey Evie. What's up?"

 "Hey can you pick me up from Tony's?"

 "Sure, we're just leaving the house now. Everything okay?"

 Most definitely not. I start walking away from the front of the offices, toward the busy intersection because I'd rather be around people right now. "Kinda sorta. I missed the bus and…" I trail off again when I notice the guy from the waiting room watching me from the shade of the building. My head gives a nasty throb as I turn away from him and whisper in to the phone urgently. "I think I have a bogey on my tail, Goose."

 It's our code for I think I'm in trouble. Of course now that I think about it, it does seem a little transparent. I blame Nat and his Top Gun obsession.

 "Holy shit…hey, Nat…c'mon we gotta go. Hold on Evie, we'll be right there." Good. Because I'm pretty sure that guy is still staring at the back of my head. I hang up but keep the phone in my hand shifting my position so that I can keep a subtle eye on him even as he's scoping me out. I can't see his eyes behind the sunglasses he's wearing but he doesn't look that much older than me. It's hard to tell because of the scruffy beard but he can't be more than five years my senior. He has a rangy build and what features I can see look vaguely familiar but I know I've never seen him before today. I wonder what he wants. And just as I think it, he steps forward in to the sunlight, still a good thirty feet from me.

 I glance up quickly at the movement but he looks totally unconcerned. As if he were standing there for some other reason besides following me around. Just to be safe I move a few steps away and push the crosswalk button. I give it another impatient jab with my thumb when the guy moves another few feet closer making my stomach churn. If he gets any closer the sick feeling in my gut might make me puke and I'd be helpless. The upside to that is that no one I know, demon, human or otherwise wants to be puked on. So that might buy me some time.  He wavers where he is, his head going down a little as he watches me over the rims of his sunglasses. It's more than a little creepy and predatory and something about the movement makes me really look at him.

 A second ticks by and I feel the wind pick up around me as my focus becomes sharper and narrow taking in only the guy's figure. Shadow rolls around him even as he stands in the full light of the sun but I don't blink and I don't turn away this time. I stand and watch it spread from his chest, enveloping his head in the shape of a dog. No. Something smaller. More like a fox than a dog. The fact that I can see him must show on my face because he takes a wary step back. I follow his movement, never taking my eyes off him, my hands balling in to fists. I start to take a step forward but a car pulls to a stop behind me, brakes grinding loudly enough to break my concentration. In that second he's gone, running along the side of the building and down an alley way before I can chase him.

 Although I don't even know why I would run TOWARD certain danger. I'm usually running away from it. I watch the space he filled for a second before climbing in to the back of the car. "Hey Evie, you okay? Who was that guy? Holy…it's happening again…"

 I look up at the alarm in Nat's voice, catching my reflection in the rearview mirror. Oh crap. I thought wearing this necklace was supposed to stop that from happening, clearly I was wrong. "Just go, I want to get out of here."

 Mo doesn't argue he just pulls away from the curb, glancing back at me now and again as he drives. I slink down in the seat and close my eyes, trying to breathe normally.

 "Should we go to the clubhouse?" I shake my head no, eyes still closed. I would love to ditch but I know that I shouldn't. My dad would kill me if he found out I was ditching. It'd be one more thing in the ever growing list of things that make Evie a problem child.

 "Can't, I have a biology test today. Besides if I ditch with you guys my dad is going to think we're banging." Dead silence. I crack an eye open in time to see Mo nearly run off the road from the silent shaking fit of laughter. Nat just blinks wide blue eyes at me.

 "Pardon?" I snicker a little and shrug at him as if it’s not really as funny as it is.

 "It was in his ‘Evie Bad’ rant. He thinks I'm out doing ‘God knows what’ with you guys." I make sure that I use my air quotes to show just how dumb I think the whole thing is. And really. I have to wonder about the girls my dad knew in high school if he thinks that I’m just sleeping around with a gaggle of boys. Nat sputters, making Mo laugh harder.

 "But…I don't think I'm exactly your type." I know right? Somehow his indignation helps settle me, making me feel better. I chuckle and shake my head. The light in the car fades by degrees becoming just an everyday sunlit morning and I sigh in relief knowing instinctively that my eyes are no longer glowing. "So, you good now?"

 I don't really know. Still, I nod and reach out a hand to pat his shoulder. "That little tidbit seems not to have occurred to him. Anyway thanks for charging to the rescue guys. Seems like you're always having to do that."

 They share a look between them as Mo parks under a tree in the farthest corner of the lot. I raise a brow and they both turn in their seats to peer at me intently. They aren't twins and they don't look exactly alike but somehow the dual stare down is oddly twin like. Mo's soft voice is serious and deep as he watches my face.

 "You're our friend Evie. Besides coming to your rescue is gonna look great on Naftali's college applications. Who doesn't love a hero?" Nat nods but punches his brother in the shoulder for using his Hebrew name. It makes me smile a little, happy that we're in it together.

 "What Shlomo here is trying to say is that, we're your friends, and we're always gonna be your friends. We're always gonna come running when you call. Just like you did when it was us in need of some saving." I feel something hot prickles behind my eyelids and I'm having a hard time looking at the both of them so I look at my hands in my lap. I clear my throat and try for a smirk even though emotion is trying to overwhelm me.

 "Even if I'm a dirty gay shiksa?" It surprises a laugh out of Mo as he gets out of the car. I climb out after Nat and he drops a heavy arm around my shoulders.

 "Of course. You're our dirty gay shiksa." I chuckle and lean in to him, arm wrapped loosely around his waist as we walk toward the scatter of buildings that hold the classrooms. I guess I can see why my dad maybe got a little confused about my relationship with Nat and the boys. We're awfully touchy feely with each other. I walk with the boys through the gates and in to the courtyard, my stomach dropping as I realize that I'll have the whole day of classes ahead of me. Oh yay. I should have ditched. There is just so much to go over in my head and I don't even know where to start.

 "Listen guys, we need to talk, can we make time later today?" It's not like we don't each have a ton of things to do but after they just told me they'll always be there I think it's only fair that I tell them what I know. "I kinda sorta found the Guardian." Nat stops in his tracks making me trip just a little. I catch myself and glance at him in alarm.

 "You're just telling us this NOW?!" I glance around quickly to make sure no one is looking. Which they aren't. Mo crowds in close and I shrug.

 "Sorry, it's been a busy morning what with the confrontations and the stalking and the rescuing and all." Nat gives me an exasperated sigh but nods.

 "Can't leave you alone for five minutes. I swear." He pulls me into a closer hug as we all chuckle at that. "It's sprint day, team should be done by five if you wanna hang out and wait for us." It's his way of making sure that I stay out of trouble until I can tell them everything. Since I don't really feel like going to see Tony for our usual appointment I just nod.

 "Yeah Evie, don't forget that today is the Winter Formal committee meeting. At least one of the AV Club members should be there so we can work out the sound and lighting. If we're not they'll make the theme "Under the Sea" again." We all groan at that. I'm so tired of that theme and I haven't even gone to one of the stupid dances. I mean. I've gone to set up and clean up but I've never actually been to the dances. I look down at my faded vans trying to picture heels. Yeah. No. That way leads to disaster.

 "Fine fine, I'll do it. No promises on changing the theme though." Mo gives me a quick wink as the bell rings. "School hard, boys." I wave them off as I head for the building that houses the science classes. I wonder if Lirae will sit through the committee meeting with me. If I'm lucky it won't last long and then she and I can hang out together. Maybe probably even make out. Hm. Suddenly my day is looking up.

[lgbtkacy]

hi!! long time no post!! i wanted to come on here in hopes of getting more entries?? i’m meeting katie mcgrath on the 26th or 27th of may when she’s in new zealand for armageddon!! i wanted to make her a fanbook full of messages of love that she will be able to read for once bc she doesn’t have social media lmao !!! ANYWAYS the rules are in the note above!!! i originally only was going to tweet this hence why it’s kinda twitter centred LOL anyways! same rules apply except you can either send them to me via dm on twitter @juIiaswicker !! (p.s the L in julia is an uppercase i !!) to my email which is in the note above or you can send it to me here either through my askbox or my submit !!!! also if you perhaps wanted to pitch in for a gift for her (the actual fanbook itself/printing, flowers, a book etc !!!!) then my paypal is also mollyjanelowndes@gmail.com !!! anything would help but also don’t feel pressured to contribute financially my main reason for coming on her is because i really want/need actual entries so it doesn’t flop and so that katie can feel the love!!! it’d also be super cool to include your name and where you’re from so she can see that there are many of us from all over the world !!! okay thank you :-))

p.s if y’all wouldn’t mind reblogging this n sharing it around so it gets attention that would be wonderful !!!!

[wazafam]

In the midst of all the action flicks, thrillers, art films, and horror movies that come out every year, there are the beloved romantic comedies or rom-coms. Arguably, some of the best rom-coms came out in the 90s, a lot of which happen to be written, directed, or produced by the late Nora Ephron.

RELATED: Top 10 Rom-Coms Starring MCU Actors

Fortunately, with the availability of streaming services like Netflix, Ephron’s best films continue to be enjoyed by many today. Since people can’t get enough of them, these behind-the-scenes secrets from some of her movies are sure to sate every fan's appetite.

10 When Harry Met Sally: The Pie Order Is Based On Nora Ephron’s Personal Pie Preference

If you’re into sweet love stories, When Harry Met Sally is the ultimate rom-com to watch. Sure, the movie is kind of a cliché, with the best friends falling in love by the end, that said, the movie is known for some iconic scenes, including the one where Meg Ryan’s Sally orders apple pie à la mode (heated with ice cream on the side).

As it turns out, this scene was inspired by Ephron herself, who wrote the movie. While speaking with Entertainment Weekly, director Rob Reiner revealed that he discovered Ephron’s “qualifications” for pie when they went out for lunch.

9 Sleepless In Seattle: It Was Nora Ephron’s Son Who Insisted On Casting Rosie O’Donnell

Sleepless in Seattle is the second film that Ephron ever directed. Just like When Harry Met Sally, the movie also stars Meg Ryan, only this time, her love interest is played by Oscar-winning actor, Tom Hanks.

The cast also includes Rosie O’Donnell, and perhaps, one of the things that fans never knew about this movie is that Ephron’s son, Jacob, was the one who insisted on casting O’Donnell because he wanted to meet O’Donnell’s famous friend, Madonna. “He keep [sic] saying, 'Mom, you have to hire Rosie …,” O’Donnell told USA Today. “He really pushed for it.”

8 Sleepless In Seattle: They Weren’t Initially Allowed To Film At The Empire State Building

The movie’s climactic scene occurs at the top of the Empire State Building, and unbeknownst to many, the shot almost never occurred because they weren’t allowed inside. Fortunately, Ephron had connections. “And Nora said, ‘I know somebody,’” the movie’s producer, Gary Foster recalled while speaking with Variety.

As it turns out, Ephron knew the publicist who was representing Leona Helmsley, the building’s owner, who was in prison at that time. “The man said I’m going to see her in a few days and I’ll bring her up.” Helmsley allowed them to use the building for six hours.

7 Mixed Nuts: Steve Martin & Liev Schreiber Worked On Their Tango Scene For Over A Week

Mixed Nuts is a little-known, unconventional holiday film where the story revolves around a crisis hotline during Christmas time. In one scene, Martin ends up sharing a dance with Schreiber, who plays a drag queen in the movie.

RELATED: 10 Rom-Coms You Cannot Afford To Miss

While speaking with The Morning Call, Martin revealed, “I danced with a man for a week and a half.” Schreiber also discussed the scene on Conan, saying, “I’m mortified because we haven’t even shook hands yet, and every time he spins me, it’s 'thwack' into his leg.”

6 Michael: The Final Dance Scene Was Not In The Original Script

This 1996 fantasy movie sees actor John Travolta portrays the Archangel Michael, who has been living with an old woman played by Jean Stapleton. The movie was a success with fans who were especially thrilled with the heartwarming ending, with Stapleton’s character and Travolta dancing as they made their way to heaven.

As it turns out, however, the movie never intended to end this way. “The audience got worried about where we were,” Travolta told Ocala.com. “They didn’t want to be sad, so we went to the studio and they filmed us dancing and superimposed it at the end.”

5 You’ve Got Mail: Tom Hanks Gave Nora Ephron A ‘Bunch Of Grief’ Over His Character

In You’ve Got Mail, Ephron crafts a love story that centers around e-mailing, which was relatively new around that time. And just like Sleepless in Seattle, this movie also revolves around characters portrayed by Ryan and Hanks. Unfortunately, however, Hanks’ reunion with Ephron came with some tension on the set.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Why When Harry Met Sally Is Meg Ryan’s Coziest Rom-Com (& 5 Why It’s You’ve Got Mail)

“I gave her a bunch of grief. Mostly about my character’s relationship with his son,” Hanks told Entertainment Weekly. “It got pretty cantankerous. Brutally honest.” That said, the film went on to be considered one of Hanks’ best works.

4 Lucky Numbers: The Movie Was Originally A Dark Comedy But Paramount Had Other Ideas

The 2000 movie sees Ephron reunite with Travolta. This time around, they are also joined by Bill Pullman, Friends star Lisa Kudrow, Modern Family alum Ed O'Neill, and even Michael Moore. There were high expectations for the movie early on, but it eventually turned out to be a flop.

Originally, the movie was intended to be a dark comedy, but the movie’s writer, Adam Resnick, believes Paramount was responsible for transforming the movie into a “hack cliché.” Unfortunately, Resnick told AV Club that Paramount wanted something “lighter” and “airier.”

3 Bewitched: Nora Ephron Was Brought In After Nicole Kidman Said She Wanted To Do A Remake

The feature film adaptation of a popular TV series was apparently made possible by Kidman’s interest in doing the movie. In fact, if it weren’t for this Oscar-winning actress, Columbia Pictures wouldn’t even have thought of it.

“The truth is that when I got this momentous telephone call from Columbia Pictures saying ‘Help! We’re about to have a meeting with Nicole Kidman and she wants to do Bewitched and we have no plot,'” Ephron recalled while speaking with Hollywood.com. For the movie’s screenplay, Ephron partnered up with her sister and frequent collaborator, Delia.

2 Julie And Julia: Nora Ephron Cast Meryl Streep After Running Into Her

The 2009 movie tells the story of a blogger who decides to take on the challenge of cooking all the recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook. Actress Amy Adams was cast to portray blogger Julie, while Oscar winner Streep portrayed the revered food icon.

Interestingly, Streep booked her role after running into Ephron. According to Emanuel Levy, Streep and Ephron ran into each other during a performance of Shakespeare in the Park. The two women got to talking and Ephron mentioned that she was working on this movie. In response, Streep gave her best impression of Child, saying, “Bon Appétit!”

1 Julie And Julia: Nora Ephron Made The Cast Cook And Blog To Prepare For The Movie

Julie and Julia, without a doubt, is one of the most recommended films for food lovers, as it features many scenes where food is undoubtedly the star. To prepare for the movie, Ephron even asked the cast to cook a recipe from Child’s book and blog about it, much like what Adams’ character did in the movie.

In the case of Adams, she ended up preparing Brussel sprouts with cheese. While speaking with MTV, the actress recalled, “I wrote about it, much to my chagrin.”

NEXT: 10 Food Scenes In Movies That Made Us Hungry

10 Behind-The-Scenes Facts From Nora Ephron Movies | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/39mfAAW

[goddessjuliawicker]

PENNTIN!!

Sorry this took so long! I was gathering up my motivation to actually do things xD Anyway, this is one of my favourite ships and is always one of my favourites to do.

·        who hogs the duvet

Atfirst it’s Quentin. He tends to roll and flop around at night, rolling himselfinto a happy, blanket burrito. It doesn’t bother Penny because the weather iswarm and he can deal with it. In fact, he gets hot at night anyway. Then winterhits. Penny, having grown up in Florida, isn’t used to the upstate New Yorkcold and ends up stealing all of the blankets, hiding underneath them and stillfreezing. He ends up wrapped up  in aboutfour blankets, refusing to share.

·        who texts/rings to check how their day is going

Quentin.He often worries that he’s being annoying or obnoxious, but he knows that Pennywon’t text him first. He also knows that something is wrong if Pennyimmediately texts him back, even if Penny immediately texts back something like‘fine’. It always takes at least seven minutes for Penny to text back and ifthe response is instant then Penny is in trouble.

·        who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Penny.He isn’t exactly good at getting gifts, but he is pretty creative. He knows howto get something amazing for cheap and how to make amazing things out of cheapthings. Penny is always really good at finding the weirdest shit. For example,he and Quentin watched A Christmas Story and within three days Quentin had his veryown Leg Lamp.

·        who gets up first in the morning

Penny.Quentin can sleep through absolutely anything. Penny doesn’t even have to worryabout being quiet in the mornings. Quentin likes sleeping in when he gets thechance. Penny tends to wake up early and sleep lightly. Any small noise willwake him up.

·        who suggests new things in bed

Penny.Quentin wants to and sometimes will let his wards down if he really, reallywants to try something but doesn’t want to say it. Penny is a bit more, well,he’s been around the block a few more times than Quentin has. He knows a littlebit  more and is able to open Quentin up to different things.

·        who cries at movies

Penny.He doesn’t like for anyone to notice or see and he tries really hard to hideit. Quentin doesn’t mention it and just holds a little tighter to Penny’s handwhen it happens. He knows that Penny would immediately kill him if he were topoint it out. Penny completely denies it, saying whatever movie they watchedwas stupid and he hated it.

·        who gives unprompted massages

Quentin.He doesn’t even think about it and he just really likes touching. Soft, gentletouches that turn into massages. A lot of the time it’s just a simple handmassage when Penny’s hands are cramping from practising spells. Sometimes heuses massages to calm Penny down when he’s stressed out or when he’s havingtrouble falling asleep. Quentin isn’t actually very good at giving massages andit’s sometimes a little awkward, but Penny still lets him do it because heknows that it calms Quentin down a little.

·        who fusses over the other when they’re sick

Quentin.Penny doesn’t like sick people and he’s a bit awkward around them. He alsodoesn’t like being sick at all and says constantly that he’s fine while he’sclearly on the verge of death. Quentin has to convince him to lay down andmakes him soup, then he gets Eliot  tomake soup because Eliot is a better cook than he is.

·        who gets jealous easiest

Penny.Almost everything he’s had that he’s liked has been taken away. He’s never livedin the same place for more than a few months and he’s never had a real familybefore. Any time someone is nice to him he thinks it’s a trap and expects themto leave him. He’s also never really had friends before. He’s incrediblyjealous of Quentin’s friends and wonders, frequently, if Quentin like them morethan him.

·        who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Quentin.He’s not ashamed of it, not really. He likes what he likes and pop music isreally catchy. Any time Penny points out that it’s lame Quentin is just like “Youimmediately knew who it was after just one verse so obviously you listen to ittoo.”

·        who collects something unusual

Quentin.And it’s not exactly weird, but Penny thinks it is. It’s just copies of thesame book and Penny doesn’t understand why Quentin needs so many. Quentin triesto explain that some are first edition, some are alternate covers, one is inFrench, and technically even though they’re the same they’re all different.Also he has the copy that he reads and then a backup copy in case somethingwere to happen.

·        who takes the longest to get ready

Penny.Quentin basically just needs to put on shoes and he’s fine. Sometimes a coat ora light jacket, depending on the weather. Penny cares a lot more about his appearancethan he lets on. That ‘woke up like this’ look takes a lot of effort.

·        who is the most tidy and organised

Penny.Quentin is okay with things being a little disorganised. He can work around it.Sometimes he gets so caught up in what he’s doing that he doesn’t realise hispapers are all over the desk and he’s been drinking cold coffee. He getsfocused and makes a mess of his work whereas Penny needs to focus only on what’sin front of him. If there’s too much going on he’ll get distracted.  

·        who gets most excited about the holidays

Quentinon Penny’s behalf sort of. He realises pretty quickly that Penny doesn’t haveany typical holiday traditions or anything like that. In fact, they spend oneThanksgiving in a hotel room eating food from 7-11 because that’s what Pennynormally did. Quentin takes it upon himself to make the holidays good for Pennyand to start new holiday traditions, one of which is getting food from the 7-11on Thanksgiving.

·        who is the big spoon/little spoon

Pennyis the big spoon and Quentin is the little spoon. Penny likes that he can protectQuentin at night and hold onto him. He also likes it because when he wakes uphe doesn’t have to worry about sneaking out from under Quentin’s arms.

·        who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Neitherof them are particularly competitive. If it’s just a game then they’re bothfairly laid back about it. Neither one of them sees a reason to put too muchenergy into something that doesn’t matter. Now, if they start betting, thenPenny can be competitive. They never bet money because that’s too boring.Rather, they bet activities and chores and, occasionally, positions. Preferringto be on top, Penny gets especially competitive when they bet anything evenremotely sexual.

·        who starts the most arguments

Penny.He doesn’t even mean to, but he says what’s on his mind and sometimes it isn’tthe nicest thing ever. He doesn’t realise what he says has come off asaggressive or rude until it’s already out of his mouth and he’s really bad atapologising. So, he just sticks with it and digs himself into a deeper hole, continuingto argue long past a time when he should have stopped.

·        who suggests that they buy a pet

Quentin.Penny would like to remind him what happened the last time Quentin was near apuppy and that usually ends the conversation right there. It’s also difficultto find a pet that Penny isn’t allergic to. He’s highly allergic to cats andslightly allergic to dogs, so both of those are out. Eventually, they settle ongetting a fish. He’s a little reddish coloured Beta that Quentin names Caesar.

·        what couple traditions they have

I don’tknow if it would be considered a tradition or not, but any time they’refighting and Penny knows he’s wrong he goes out and buys Quentin food. Heleaves it on the table for Quentin to find instead of saying that he’s sorry.Usually it’s something sweet and chocolate, something that Quentin wouldn’t buyfor himself to eat but more like a nice little treat. It’s how Penny says ‘sorry’without actually having to say those words.

·        what tv shows they watch together

Quentinreally likes watching Penn and Teller’s show ‘Fool  us’ because he likes seeing if he can figureout how the tricks are done when they watch it. Penny is convinced thateveryone on that show is actually a Magician because he can’t figure it out, evenwhen Quentin explains it.

·        what other couple they hang out with

Kadyand Julia. It’s a bit difficult sometimes because Penny knows that he has someunresolved feelings for Kady, despite the fact that he wouldn’t leave Quentin.He still appreciates her as a friend, but sometimes he has to remind himselfthat they aren’t together and sometimes it’s hard for him. Quentin knows thisand knows can understand Penny’s feelings on it and why it’s difficult for himto see her. Still, Quentin likes hanging out with Julia and talking abouteverything and nothing with her.

 ·        how they spend time together as a couple

Pennyreally likes sitting there and listening to Quentin just talk. Quentin isincredibly passionate about things and, although he won’t attempt it, that’sPenny’s favourite thing about him. When Quentin cares he cares with all hissoul and it’s adorable to watch him go off on a tangent about something. Theyspend a lot of their time studying and reminding each other that breaks are athing they need to take. Penny spends a lot of time just listening to  Quentin and rolling his eyes, affectionatelycalling him a dork.

·        who made the first move

TechnicallyPenny but it was Quentin’s idea. Quentin was thinking about it and Penny actedon it. If that makes any sense whatsoever. It was very much both of them.Quentin was thinking about Penny, just absently daydreaming and having a ratherembarrassing daydream about what it might be like to kiss him. This was at a timewhen Quentin’s  wards were still ratherleaky so Penny got this daydream in full HD. After a few minutes he interruptedQuentin’s thoughts by kissing him, rather aggressively, and telling him tolearn to keep his mind shut.

·        who brings flowers home

Quentin.It brightens up the room and he likes them. Penny never comments on them butQuentin does notice that Penny always smiles when he sees them. So, Quentinstarts bringing them in more often on his way home whenever he knows that Pennyis having a bad day.

·        who is the best cook

 Penny.He grew up learning to cook for himself and can cook. But his food is always alittle weird because, well, he taught himself. He makes something called ‘PennyPancakes’ which are regular pancakes with bacon in them that are topped withbananas. Quentin absolutely loves them even though they’re kind of weird.

[queen-enthusiast-39]

ASK ME THINGS

No one asked for these but I’m bored 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Probably “Good morning babe” because it’d be my boyfriend.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re dating (A year and a half now)

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Hard drugs yes. We probably wouldn’t be dating at all, but something like cigarettes or weed is fine

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Yes. It’s 10 letters long.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? If by messed it up you mean I never did anything to make it become something when the feelings were there in both parties, then yes.

7. What does your last received text say? “That’s not really helping” - I give terrible descriptions through text.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Too many to count.

9. Where was your last kiss at? My boyfriend’s place.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? I don’t have a sister but I saw my brother 3 days ago.

11. What do you drink in the morning? Chocolate milk, tea, or juice.

12. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed in my apartment.

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Yes. They are hard but can be very fulfilling.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Nope. Again, its my boyfriend.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Sweatpants.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I like to think so, but from some recent things maybe not.

20. Does anyone like you? I’m a pretty well-liked person, both socially and romantically, by a lot of people.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Yes.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? There’s a lot of people I can’t stand anymore who used to mean the world to me.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes. I have one picked out for when I get the money.

25. In the past week have you cried? Surprisingly no, considering how stressed I’ve been.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Corgi.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Out of the shower.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nope.

29. Do you think you’re old? No. I’m only 20 and nowhere near close to being an adult.

30. Do you like text messaging? Yeah, but I really like talking face to face too.

31. What type of day are you having? Really tired and kinda depressed  for some reason but otherwise good.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yes.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationsip.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I like to think I’m simple but I’m definitely complicated.

37. What song are you listening to? “Nowhere With You” by Joel Plaskett Emergency 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? As a Canadian, I say it a lot out of habit, but when a situation calls for an apology, its always sincere. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah. My mom knows the most about me, and my ex-best friend knew a lot about me. There is one girl though that we are essentially “distance best friends”. She probably knows as much as my mom. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He was a genuinely sweet guy who always brought me tea at work and always offered to help me or do the work I didn’t want to do. He’s truly a sweetheart and is a big softie (only for me).

41. When did you last receive a text message? Like 10 minutes ago. 42. What is wrong with you right now? I’m extremely tired, burnt out, and slightly depressed. I also have bad back pain but it could be worse. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? We could be sisters. 44. Does anyone disgust you? Some people from my past. The levels they sank to is just disgusting. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Considering I’m in a relationship, no. 46. Are you in a good mood right now? I’m pretty neutral. 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My friend Julia in my Abnormal Psychology class. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Grey with red/black details. 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? No. It’s only been good news or needed things. 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Possibly. Things are still working out. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. The guy I do hate I never fell that hard for him. I thought I did, but I realized things weren’t right. That’s why we didn’t last long (we also were a terrible pair).

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yes. 53. Do you like rain? I LOVE the rain! It’s so relaxing and if I don’t have to go anywhere, I stay in bed snuggled in blankets with a mug of tea and Netflix, a book, or my knitting. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? No, because we both drink. We know our limits and keep each other to them if we start to go overboard. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? So many times yes. 56. Do you like to cuddle? Occasionally. Sometimes I feel like I’m being crowded or don’t want to be touched. I can’t be cuddled all the time, but most times I really like it. 57. Are you shy? I’ve grown shyer in recent years. I used to be really open and extraverted, but some experiences have made me more introverted. 58. Do you get along with girls? Some girls. It depends on the group, but at a surface level, I get along with most people. 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? I currently am dating them. 60. What do you carry with you at all times? Burt’s Bees Peppermint Oil Lip Balm (aside from usual things like wallet, keys, and phone). 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Depending on the house, I’d try. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? My first relationship was 4 months and I thought I’d never cross that threshold, but now I’m a year and a half down the line with my current boyfriend. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yes. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes! I find it so sweet, especially because I’m short. 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Not really. It’s been pretty dull so far.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 19 (boyfriend), 49 (mom), 21 (brother).

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?  Pay to get them done.  68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?  I’m not a huge fan of either, but I’d be able to pull off zebra print better. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?  No. I have an irrational hatred for car stickers (especially car sticker families). 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Luke Bryan I guess. 71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?  My first phone was an Android but I currently have an iPhone. 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?  November.   73. Do you like diet soda?  Yeah. I prefer the regular versions but I’ll drink whatever. 74. What color are the walls in your room?   Like a beige kind of colour.  75. Are you 16 or older?  Older. I’m 20. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  Never watched it.   77. Do you have a job?  Part-time because I’m away at school most of the year. I work as a cashier/supervisor at a drug store over the summer and holiday breaks and I volunteer at my university’s food bank during school terms.   78. What are your initials? L. V. R.  79. Did you ever have braces?  From 6th grade to 7th grade. 80. Are you from the south?   The South Shore of Nova Scotia yes. But not the American South. 

81. What does your last status on facebook say? “Caffeine is a lie. I’m still exhausted but now I have a slightly faster heart rate”.    82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  Not really. He moved a few years ago and I haven’t seen him since. The only contact we have is through Instagram.   83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Definitely my mom.    84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   I did gymnastics as a kid. If I had kept up with it I could’ve been a decent gymnast. I wasn’t terrible at it but it wasn’t a passion.  85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?   Bohemian Rhapsody. It was great!  86. Do you smoke?  Nope. Never have yet.   87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels honestly.    88. Is your phone touch screen? Yep.    89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?  My hair is naturally curly and most days I’m too lazy to do anything else to it, so curly.   90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Nope. I never really had a reason to. My mom was chill with me going places.    91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  Lake.   92. Have you ever made out in a car?  Yes.   93. …Had sex in a car? Almost, but we realized we had the house to ourselves anyway.    94. Are you single or in a relationship?  In a relationship.   95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Scrolling through Tumblr because I couldn’t sleep.    96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Canada Day (July 1) 2018.  97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Yeah sure. I don’t take many pictures.    98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope.    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?  Nope.   100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? Yeah, there’s a few. I don’t use Facebook a whole lot anymore.    101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? I thought I did. Turns out I was just stressed and threw everything out of whack.    102. Name your favorite Kesha song:  Tik Tok. It still slaps.   103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Not tan lines, but scars from a second-degree sunburn I got 2 years ago at a party on senior skip day. 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I could make that work in the right context.   

[phaylenfairchild]

The Ongoing Problem With Trans Representation in Media

The Crying Game

In 1992, as a budding Transgirl who hadn’t yet heard the word “Transgender” nor knew anything about gender or sexuality, I watched an film by Neil Jordan called “The Crying Game.” It was dubbed “The Most Shocking Film Of The Year” by entertainment magazines. At the time, I had an insatiable longing for people I could relate to on film, and often had to substitute women as figures of my future intent; I wanted Richard Gere to sweep me away like he had Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wants to slither around like Catwoman, with that brilliant confidence that was the perfect mix of bad ass girl power and unapologetic confidence. She was my revenge idol. I wanted to flip-flop, cartwheel and yoga pose into school and kick the shit out of my bullies while making them all love me at the same time.

But the Character of Dil in “The Crying Game” was most accurate to who I knew I was becoming. This androgynous, beautiful woman captivated me. Dil was the lover of a soldier, Jody, played by the incredible Forest Whittaker, a man held prisoner by the IRA who pleads with a fellow solider and friend, Fergus, to protect Dil. She unwittingly becomes the subject of both fascination and affection of Fergus.

Through the course of the film, the two fall in love, and when it comes to the pivotal moment where the characters start becoming intimate- it takes a dark turn.

As Fergus begins to disrobe Dil in the bedroom of her bedroom, he gets on his knees, expecting to find female genitalia and instead reveals a penis.

Yes, right there. A penis. And if you saw it in the cinema, a 12 foot tall image of a penis. On a woman. Fergus twisted away in disgust and proceeds to vomit immediately. Then, he hits her.

I remember being horrified- my breathe caught in my throat- not because she had a penis, but because he acted with such sudden and unexpected repulsion over someone he was just kissing and intending to bed.

The film was marketed on the Trans “Surprise.” Studios launched campaigns for audiences not to give away the ending.

In the afterglow of The Crying Game, Transphobic rhetoric became more aggressive than ever in cinema. Who can forget Ace Ventura, played by Jim Carey, belllowing “Einhorn is a man?!” in reference to the character played by Sean Young, and then heaving into the toilet at the very notion an attractive woman might not have a vagina.

Transwomen were reduced to bawdy, comedic or grotesque twists by lazy writers in Hollywood. The go-to joke. The trend continued throughout the 90’s and well into the 2000’s. With what little Trans characters there were on screen, they were always the subject of comedy or villainy. Because, for some reason, it’s still an outrageous knee-slapper to see a sexy woman you suddenly discover has male genitalia or much easier to hate her, so they make her the freakish bad guy, such as in Sleepaway Camp, like some dangerous modern day Frankenstein who will curl their hair, twirl their penis then sit your throat.

More recently, the Trans representation in film has changed in context- with sweeping period dramas like “The Danish Girl” — which won an Oscar for the cisgender actor, Eddie Redmayne, playing the role of a Trans woman. Or, the “Dallas Buyers Club” — which won an Oscar for the cisgender actor, Jared Leto, playing the role of a Trans woman. However, the year that Redmayne won his Oscar for putting on a dress and pretending to be Trans, a film that had been far better received critically, Tangerine, which featured two actual Transwomen played by Transwomen, was snubbed, despite receiving nominations or awards by every other organization the entire awards season. The Academy demonstrated they’d rather give an award to a man tepidly playing a Transwoman, than a Transwoman giving an incredible performance.

Of course, those Transwomen were playing sex workers. I have it on good authority from my Trans identifying actress friends that it’s almost impossible to get roles for anything else. “All I get offers for are prostitutes,” one accomplished actress told me. “If we want access to work we either have to be a prostitute, a mistress, a self-hating trans person, dead or dying of AIDS, or willing to be ridiculed for comedic value. That’s where we are. In 2018.”

But, some will argue the merits of “Transparent,” The Amazon series that features a middle aged man, portrayed by Jeffery Tambor, who transitions from male to female later in life. It is the first television show to take viewers on that journey, one which details the experiences of those in the orbit of the transitioning main character, including her children and ex wife, without exploiting it as sensationalist. “Transparent” features a plethora of Trans identifying artists, both in front of the camera and behind it. While the primary stars are all cisgender performers, Alexandra Billings, Trace Lysette and the iconic Candis Cayne are all series regulars. Zackary Drucker and Our Lady J feature as producers. It appears to be our staple; our one single thing we’re allowed. Unfortunately, although heavily awarded, it’s not got very broad appeal. It’s a series by Transgender people, about Transgender people… so mainstream remains a little stand-offish. It’s “That Transgender show.”

That’s not surprising. We Trans people working in media have to pave our own way, create our own projects, self produce them, star in them. If we try to intermingle cisgender society within our works, we’re typically turned away. As a writer, I’ve had my screenplays turned down by many companies exclusively because, despite having a cisgender lead, it has a trans character. In a fantasy film I wrote which was a finalist in Outfest International’s Screenplay competition, the response I received from interested production companies wanted me to turn the Trans girl into a “traditional” girl. Every film I write has a Trans character, not just because I’m politically advocating the normalizing of Trans people in everyday society, but because I refuse to create worlds in which we do not exist simply for the comfort of mainstream audiences. “Why does she need to be Trans?” An agent once asked me.

“Why not?” I answered.

Orange is the New Black was lauded for it’s inclusion of a Trans character, played by a Transgender woman, Laverne Cox. Because gender diverse characters in media are so rare, it catapulted her well beyond the boundaries of performance into the realm of social activism. That same attention and expectation destroyed Caitlyn Jenner who was no longer just allowed to be the tabloid mainstay by proxy of the Kardashians, but now had to be our fearless leader, our ambassador to cigender tribes. There are about five Trans figures that cisgender audiences can name: Caitlyn Jenner being the most notable along with Cox on a lesser scale. Others paying attention know that the Wachowskis, directors of the successful Matrix franchise both transitioned and Jazz Jennings, the teenager with her own reality show on that channel that also shows My 600 lb Life and Sister Wives. Cis people don’t know Janet Mock, although her work is invaluable, but they heard a Transgirl took on Rose McGowan at a book signing. Our names cross their facebook feeds when the news reports our deaths. Beyond that, we’re people not allowed to use bathrooms in certain states, a word that is banned by the CDC, and reduced to that one Transgender person who did something that one time which the media loves to exploit for a headline in a fleeting story. Especially when it’s salacious. When former Playboy Playmate, Kendra Wilkinson’s basketball star husband, Hank Baskett, had an alleged affair with a woman, the media latched on like a thirsty tick to the ass-end of a fat dog because that his mistress was Transgender. Of course, despite evidence, he denied it, and the couple leveraged the scandal to maximize ratings and profits by following the controversy on their reality show. They even starred in their own one-hour special to discuss it. Similarly, the media pounced at the opportunity to reveal the alleged affair that Jennifer Lopez’s then boyfriend, Casper Smart, was having with a Transwoman he met on Instagram. Then there was the story of Michael Phelps, the olympic gold medalist who had an ongoing, but secret relationship with an intersex woman- one which he never denied, but ignored instead. In every case, the transwoman is vilified by the media, like some sexual predator; A succubus who cast a spell of seduction on innocent men. That’s when the media pays attention.

That’s problematic. The fact that mainstream society possesses more general awareness of cis actors who play Trans characters, or random Transwomen involved in scandals does nothing to improve our actual visibility, or integrate us into mainstream culture. It alienates us further onto the fringes of society.

We’re like the unicorns of media. When one of us pops up and garners any attention for something other than simply being Trans or scandalous, people react with; “Wow, you really do exist.”

Far and few are the opportunities for Trans actors and actresses, filmmakers and film writers. It’s not because there are too few of us, it’s because when Hollywood looks at us, they don’t see our potential, they see a political cause. An embattled, marginalized person. When we disclose our trans status to people, they suddenly lose sight of our face and instead see the last anti-trans headline they read splashed across out forehead- and maybe they feel sad. Maybe they feel that if they’re uncomfortable or distracted exclusively by the fact that we’re trans, moviegoers, television viewers and the greater cisgender community will be too.

Perhaps this is why we haven’t really seen a transgender performer portray a non-trans role- unless you count Candis Cayne playing a fairytale creature in The Magicians. Cayne is such a brilliant performer she could play anything. She’s stunning, she’s captivating onscreen, she’s a staggeringly talented actress…

But apparently, despite the multitude of cisgender actors playing trans in media, she isn’t allowed to play a ciswoman… just trans, and maybe a unicorn.

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[survivorindia]

Does Jordan Pines Think I’m F**king Stupid?- Sarah

Episode 4

Great.. a swap. Worst of all, three of my four main allies 'ere are on the other tribe. It's just Alex and I swinging at the fences now. Last night, Alex and Gavin called me so they could walk me through what's been going on with their tribe and so we could find a way to get OUT of this mess. Luckily, we still know the name of our idol board and we've already set up what each other (Alex and I) will guess so we'll keep that rotation going. So right now on my tribe besides Alex we have... Lexi and Ruben, which is BAAAAD for me since I clearly targeted Lexi and if they're together (which why wouldn't they be, ofc they'll be together) they could very well turn on me. Robin is probably with them, so if anything, she's my way out of being cut so soon on this tribe. Admittedly I haven't spoken much with Bernel, Julia, or Dom - I have played with Dom a long while ago but we talked like once in that game and I was gone right at the merge so I don't really know him too well. I'm going to try to hit everybody up today because I don't want to get too far behind socially. And then there's Jaiden. Just like me, he's waiting for death, so that's swell. I've been told he's a huge villain but let's not judge a book by their cover just yet and wait to see what the hell he does out here.

Oh BOY did I miss a lot today. I woke up like two hours ago and have been doing chores since so go me! Anywho, I'm just going to do a quick assessment of people here since I've gotten a little time to know em:  - Dom is nice and all but dude apologizes for everything, even semi-good things lmao. A for effort?   - Julia's social game isn't all there, hell, it's weaker than mine. At least she's somewhat enthusiastic though. - Bernel's pretty cool, don't have much of a read on them. - I really haven't talked to Lexi in forever oop and Ruben seems decent, haven't spoken too much with him. - Robin is same ol, same ol.  - I can't say I have much of a read on Jaiden either at this point, all I know is that people say he ain't the nicest.  - Alex is great! I hope he and I can survive this tribe because I'd love to jam with 'im out here. I really gotta pick up my social game because I'm slacking especially since I missed most of an entire freaking day fuck me 

You can't bully me into making more confessionals! "I do what I want!" - Danny Gluck But yea I'm doing a shit ton for this challenge hopefully my efforts don't go unappreciated

So this is really terrifiying. So we swap, and boom, there goes my closest ally Sarah and she is on another tribe. I'm on a tribe with a majority of villians, but honestly this far Sarah has helped me a lot though this game. And last nigh I found out about a lot of shit. So I learned that Jaiden has very bad breakdowns, I learned Jordan Pines wants to be an ally of mine, I learned Sarah is truly being real and probably trusts me to the fullest extent by now, I learned that DOM HAS AN IDOL. yep. So I have THAT to deal with, while I try and search for a new idol board on the hero's tribe. So yeah, that's whats going on as of now. I'll be back with more deets.

Okay not trying to sound divaish ALREADY but... Alex seems kinda cocky to me, no idea why? Than we have Ruben and dom, and as far as I'm concerned they should be online right now and be super active bitch get it together

Okay I swear I already don't like Alex I'm trying to be nice to his bitch ass but he just has such a cocky persona like um I'm complimenting you, trying to be nice, and his vibe is so rude fuck that I hope he gets eliminated soon somehow

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me   

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me (11:04pm night of swap) I have no idea what has been going on the past few days because I've been sleeping haha, but I guess we did a tribe swap which is pretty neat!!

So we got some snake motherfuckers in this tribe. Kharab is not unified. So Nicole asks to be voted out, everyone is on board but what happens Jaiden tries to flip the vote on me, but like no honey, not going to fly here. No one else votes for me and Nicole votes for Jaiden, so Nicole leaves 4-1-1. But like Jaiden, what are you doing honey, why are you purposefully throwing yourself under the bus, like okay Jaiden comes to me after his flop attempt to get me out and is like oh I asked to be voted out and I just threw my vote to you and I'm like not true, I call major bullshit on you. So as of now I don't trust Jaiden at all, he's a snake he can leave today for all I care. Fuck him, he's dead to me.

Whew, so we won immunity which is nice and now am safe for the round. I was going to make a long confessional at the swap about how I felt about my new tribe but like I got lazy so long story short I like kendall gavin sarah ashley (aka the returnees) lexi is cool but she gives me a weird vibe idk and Casey Liam and Whitney need to step it up. I hope Jaiden gets voted out tonight on the other tribe, that be nice.

I certainly love snakes. I take back everything I said positive about Sarah, Jordan Pines, and now Dom. I don't even know if I have said anything nice about Dom because I'm pretty sure that's when I was not fully trusting of him. I guess to just catch this up to speed, I got closer to Dom and he shared his idol clue with me. He told me so much about Jordan giving him tea in the game and it just makes things so much more evident to me that he's going to immediately hold things against me if I don't reciprocate the same amount of information. Telling Sarah about the idol clue AND THEN all of my alliances was deadly, because now I think she's gonna run around and expose all of that for the fun of it. She's a snake, I tell you, and she's gonna screw me if I don't screw her over first. I just realized I should stop talking game in general because the walls seem to have ears. I don't think I can trust the hosts with information either lmao since everything likes to just magically leak and fall into terrible people's laps. I'm done bitching, I'm done strategizing, and I think I'm done writing confessionals at this point. I have some fight left in me and I think I'm okay doing some damage going forward. 

I'm still here against my will send help

Buckle up... this one's a doozy... I'm writing this as I listen in on Sarah and Jordan with my appear.in strats. Actually, I'll brb

Jordan Pines I’m talking to ashley Sent on: 2:36 pm From: Jordan Pines she really likes you really? Sent on: 2:39 pm i really really like her, but i feel like i may have hurt our bond From: Jordan Pines how so? Sent on: 2:39 pm From: Jordan Pines cause she said this to me From: Jordan Pines when i was talking about a returnee alliance From: Jordan Pines [2017-02-11, 2:20:23 PM] Ashley Hudson: I love Gavin [2017-02-11, 2:20:29 PM] Jordan Pines: i don’t know him that well [2017-02-11, 2:20:32 PM] Jordan Pines: like we played hvv2 together [2017-02-11, 2:20:36 PM] Jordan Pines: but never were on the same tribe [2017-02-11, 2:20:40 PM] Ashley Hudson: Like legit he is my fave right now, he is hella loyal Ayyyye Sent on: 2:40 pm That makes me feel better then *Pats self on back*

What happened on the Karen vote: - I got Karen out of the game with some help - I got Alex to trust Kendall less - I got Kendall to trust Alex less - I got Ashley to trust me more - I got Alex to trust me more - I got Kendall to trust Alex and Ashley less All because Alex and I thought Karen wouldn't want us around long-term :) At this point in the game, we have now swapped and I feel like I am in good-standing on my new tribe right now. Pines and I talk all the time, with him having allowed me to listen in on his call with Sarah while sharing with me that he found the idol. Ashley trusts me even more than before, while I have begun to form a bond with Liam. Honestly, I see things going well on this tribe, and I am ensuring to continue to talk to my #1, Mr. Alex, who got separated from the rest of us returnee heroes during the swap :( Here's to the merge... that will hopefully be rather soon! Also... ha ha lol @everyone who picked Karen over me in their drafts *eyes emoji* This is why you don't add people last to a pre-existing alliance and then echo the exact words of an ally when responding to my messages :~)

This Tribal could not have gone better. Gavin and I were great and it seemed like we flipped for a different reason than we did. I feel bad about the aftermath; Kendall seemed really upset and I hope we can mend that bond for later. The swap however, could not have gone worse. I am the ONLY one in this entire game who doesn't have ANY of their original tribe members with them. So I've been scrambling to get a group together. Gavin on the other hand is great. The returning players on his tribe have an alliance together, so I really just need to get to the merge and be solid with him later. I'm on a tribe with the lovebirds too (Ruben and Alexis), so we'll see how things go with that; I know Ruben, along with Johnny Poteet, so maybe there's something I can do there. In the meantime, all I can do at this point is sit back, be nice, don't cause waves, and get to that merge.

I got the advantage from the reward. I scored 3 million on the damn thing; so if I didn't get it I'd be shocked. I'm playing a decently dominant game right now, it's pretty freaking amazing.

I love this challenge, it gets us creative. The problem with that is the tribemates I have do not want to talk. I can make us a video, I just need to get the videos made and decided, you know? It's extremely difficult to plan things out when people are not online.

Gavin told me that Dom has the idol, and that's frightening. Dom is definitely one of those guys who I really can't get a good read on and that's scary. I need to just befriend him at this point, what else can I do?

My reaction to Karen getting voted off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiylvmFI_8 What I told my tribe when we swapped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbrbUfYSt0E What I actually meant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMmfKByyks My reaction to dealing with our useless tribemates when we were trying to make the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo-oWc4uEPE Whoops sorry wrong link... I'll put the proper one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g My reaction to our harsh judges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE My reaction to us winning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfYnvDL0Qcw And my plans for the future: I have nothing... so I put nothing. Wish me luck in the game! Because now I'm stuck with Jordan Pines. So in conclusion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GeCPanRHU0 God I love this series. Don't know why Count Olaf is the one telling us to look away, considering that he is such a sadistic bastard.

Whoops I put the wrong Chemical Romance song for, what I meant: Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORsFFjt1x6Q

Alright, so this new tribe is okay, I still have Gavin but lost Alex, but I have always trusted Gavin more so I mean that is a good thing. I now have Jordan Pines on my tribe, last time we worked together it was kind of forced by outside parties so I am hoping for this game we can actually work together by our own choice, and see how that goes. I know Casey irl, but she never talks on Skype, I don't really think she actually plays and is only here cuz Darian told her to. I mean that is okay, but how the fuck did she get this far. Kendall and I are still on rocky ground I think. I am kind of over her trying to get me out but se doesn't believe me for some reason? Like idk, she reads too much into things, I sent her smiley faces and she thought I was being passive aggressive.... which actually is usually the case but still. Lexi G..... Who? Liam.... Who? Sarah... playing another game with her rn, haven't really talked to her though so idk where that will go. Whitney... Who? From Maine... yet I don't know her... so.... Who?

The tribe's been so understanding and sweet about my situation. I feel like I can trust all the villains right now. I'll try to talk to Whitney and Liam. Maybe the newbies will try to work with each other. I still don't feel exactly safe on my tribe but I think if I play my cards right it won't be too difficult to secure my place in a solid alliance.

I am so happy we got a tribe swap. What's best is that Lexi and I are still together and now we have her boyfriend as well. It makes them look like big threats and the tribe could potentially want to vote one of them out sooner rather than later but I am completely loyal to them. It may look like I'm playing for third place but Lexi and Ruben seem like good people so I don't think they would just take advantage of me. It's a tribe of 9 so we only need two more people with us to have majority. Ruben mentioned working with Dom and Jaiden. I talked to both a little last night so I'm hopeful that we can get something solid together with them. Also, Lexi, Ruben, and I are looking for the idol together so even if we don't get someone else to work with us we have that to fall back on. These past few days have been great to Lexi and I. We went from being sitting ducks to finding new hope. Making it to the end together just seems more possible as the days go on.  

I've been inactive lately because I've been studying for midterms. I feel bad for not contributing anything to the challenge. We were close to winning so if more of us had participated we probably would've won. It sucks that I was busy this weekend and I hope this doesn't make me a target. Thankfully not many people did much for the challenge so I feel like I still have a chance. The biggest targets right now would probably be lexi and Ruben because of their relationship. They're my closest allies so I have to work hard to keep them safe. I've been going around talking to people. I'm trying to be strategic and approach everyone by linking an interest they have to lexi or Ruben so they won't vote for them. For example, with Julia, I brought up the fact that there's few girls left so we shouldn't vote for lexi and she agreed. Lexi Ruben and I are definitely voting together so we only need two more people. As long as we get them and no idol is played we should be good.

So my tribe lost and I kind of saw it coming. I mean half our tribe didn't even make a video for it lol. I only did because alex asked. I know people will probably want me or ruben out tonight since were a couple. I mean if I get voted out, it's whatever. ever since tribe swap I haven't really been paying attention because ive been busy. So I wont be blindsided lol. Hopefully myself,ruben,jaiden,robin and dom should be voting together and will have majority. But they haven't really said anything and I'm not gonna freak out about it. I'd rather vote johnny out just because I'm bitter towards him but I don't care whose name we write down honestly.