#there is a continuation to this but it will be shared on the 9th bc i fucked up the order of the days in my notes LMAO

[useless-catalanfacts]

hi! sorry if this is a touchy subject but is there tension between catalunya and aragon? my mother is from aragon and she always talks kind of dismissively about catalans and the fight for independence, and she keeps going on about how aragon used to rule catalunya or smth. i didn't grow up in spain so i haven't really experienced the culture and from my outsider pov her stance seems strange bc aragon and catalunya seem like they would have similar aims in protecting their cultures and languages from being erased.

Hello! Sorry the delay in answering, I have been very busy with work this last couple of weeks and I wanted to give this answer the time it needs.

There is an extremely one-sided beef from Aragon towards Catalonia that most people in Catalonia don't even know about (more people know it now after the Sixena art dispute and Aragon's ex-president Lambán's comments in regards to the possibility of hosting the winter Olympics together with Catalonia in the Pyrenees, but I still think the majority of people in Catalonia don't know about it or think it's only the Sixena thing+normal Spanish nationalism). You are right, it would be more productive for both of us to support each other, but sadly Aragon has been very instrumentalized by Spanish nationalism and specifically Catalanophobia.

This answer is quite long and it will continue under the cut. I will talk about what your mother is referring to (the Medieval and Early Modern shared history and the tensions that come from a name), the specifically Aragonese brand of Catalanophobia, and the Catalan-speaking part of Aragon.

And to talk about modern social bigotry we have to go back to......... the Middle Ages. I'll start at the birth of both Aragon and Catalonia, because this explains what your mother says and is the source of many misunderstandings and unjustified hate. Continue reading under the cut.

1. The Crown of Aragon, Crown of Catalonia-Aragon, the Confederation... (what's in a name?)

What your mother is referring to is that for many centuries Catalonia and Aragon were together in a kind of confederation. Neither ruled the other one, as was made very clear since the beginning by their laws, constitution, Parliaments, etc. and in fact it would have caused a huge diplomatic and political problem if either ruled the other, probably even a war.

Some people outside of the history field tend to have a very "fairytale" simplified version of what the feudal system and the nobility were like, with the king on top and various layers of marquises, dukes, counts, etc. under him. That isn't necessarily the case, the titles often have to do with their origin. In the Mediterranean, it was typical for that to not be the case (think for example of the Italian states like Venice, who had one supreme ruler whose title was Dux/Duke, same with the states of Florence, Genoa, Pisa...). If they were independent countries, why did their ruler not call himself "king"? Because he couldn't, because that's not how the title originated. When those states were created, they started as (formally, not de facto) vassalls of the Holy Roman Empire. Thus, they were the nobles ruling a land that technically according to the law belonged to the emperor, but eventually it became clear that it wasn't the case and they were states. But the title had already been created.

The same happened in Catalonia...and at first with Aragon.

Map of the counties Hispanic March in the early 9th century (translated from Wikimedia Commons). I have painted the counties that will become Aragon in green and the counties that will become Catalonia purple for clarity.

Catalonia has its origins as a part of the Kingdom of the Franks (Carolingian Empire). The king of the Franks established this area as a the "Hispanic March" ("Hispania" is the Latin word for "Iberian peninsula" and a "march" is a borderland area used as a buffer zone) to be a shield between them and the powerful Islamic caliphate in the south. The march was made of various counties, each one led by a count (sometimes, the same man could be appointed as the count of more than one county at the same time). This means that the counts were NOT a dynasty (it wasn't passed from father to son, but each count individually chosen by the king and could be replaced by a different man at any time) but more like a magistrate.

However, at one point Wilfred the Hairy was count of most of the Catalan counties. The king of the Franks broke his part of the deal, and count Wilfred the Hairy made these Catalan counties independent in the year 897. Then, he died in battle and passed down the title to his son, Wilfred Borrell. This was the beginning of Catalonia as an independent country. From then on, the counts became like the popular idea of kings (the rulers of an independent country, passed from father to son). But they couldn't just change their title because that's not how titles work, you don't just make them up! So they stayed with the title of Count and started the House of Barcelona, who eventually brought together all the different counties that formed Catalonia. Catalonia also got its own Diocese (no longer is part of the Narbona diocese which is part of the Frankish Kingdom) meaning that Catalonia is now in every way an independent country. Since he is not only count of the County of Barcelona but has also brought together other counties, his descendants will be Count of Barcelona but also use the title of "princeps" of the Principality of Catalonia.

Meanwhile, in the Western part of the Pyrenees, 3 counties formed Aragon. It was also originally also part of the Carolingian Empire's shield (the Hispanic March) but it evolved in a very different way from Catalonia and was closely related to the Kingdom of Pamplona. At one point, the counts of Aragon marry the kings of Pamplona (Andreota of Aragon and king García II of Pamplona), and this way Aragon and Pamplona are joined (the king's title becomes "X King of Pamplona and ruler/count of Aragon", because Aragon doesn't have the title of king). Because of geographical reasons (a huge mountain range and rivers that created deep valleys), Aragon and Catalonia had very little contact during their formative centuries, until the conquest of what nowadays is the south of Catalonia and the south of Aragon (plain lands), but that will be later, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

If both Aragon and Catalonia had counts and not kings, how did Aragon eventually become a kingdom? It has to do with a split inheritance. Sancho III of Pamplona and II of Aragon (king of Pamplona and count of Aragon) got married to his cousin, a princess from Castilla, and had children with her. But (plot-twist!) he had an illegitimate son with the noblewoman Sancha de Aibar. The son was called Ramiro. With Sancho's death, his territories are divided: the legitimate children will be kings of Castilla, and Ramiro will be king of Pamplona and count of Aragon. Years later, there will be a crisis and Pamplona will separate from Aragon. But because it has been Pamplona who seceded illegitimately, the guy who is "King of Pamplona and Count of Aragon" is the legitimate keeper of the title of "king". But now Pamplona is gone, so he gets to keep the title King but only has Aragon, thus Aragon has become ruled by a king, and thus becomes a Kingdom. As you see, the titles don't necessarily match the land, it can work almost separately from them. What matters is, above all, who is the person/lineage (not country/territory) who has the title.

That is how we get Aragon and Catalonia, both with a similar origin, both equally independent sovereign countries, but the ruler of Aragon legally has the title of "king" and the ruler of Catalonia legally has the title of "count".

Fast forward a couple of centuries. Both Aragon and Catalonia have been invading southwards, expanding both countries in a geographical area that is quite flat, and come into closer contact.

The King of Aragon Ramiro II is in crisis and immediately needs allies because his political rivals are casting doubts about him being the legitimate successor of the previous king, who hadn't had children. He tries making an alliance with the two Christian countries that surround Aragon -Castilla and Catalonia- since both of these countries are more powerful and stable than Aragon. But Castilla and Catalonia are VERY different when it comes to politics, and this will be the reason why Aragon ends up deciding to ask Catalonia, and not Castilla, for this alliance. As it was usual at the time, the deal is sealed with a marriage and a contract. The marriage: princess Petronilla of Aragon (the only heir to the Aragonese throne) will marry the Count of Barcelona (as we saw before, the House of Barcelona has brought together many different counties so this really means all of Catalonia, but the title is still technically Count of Barcelona, even though it's not only the County of Barcelona) Ramon Berenguer IV. The contract: I'll explain it in a moment.

I said that Aragon chose Catalonia and not Castilla because they are different. What's the difference? Castilla was an autocratic regime, centralist, where the king has pretty much all the power. Catalonia has never had that, all the opposite, Catalonia had a system called feudalisme pactista ("agreement-based feudalism") where the Count doesn't have power to take decisions by himself, he always has to be negotiating with the representatives of the different parts of society, and had a series of very strict rules about the Count respecting sovereignty. For this reason, they see that if Aragon makes a deal with Castilla, Castilla will "eat" Aragon and, in the end, Aragon will disappear and simply become a part of Castilla. But, on the other hand, if they make the deal with Catalonia, they can join the monarchy dynasty but keep Aragon as an independent sovereign country. This is called a dynastic union, in contrast to a real union.

And that's how it goes. They make the contract according to which princess Petronilla and Aragon are "given" to Count Ramon Berenguer IV of Catalonia but with the condition that he must respect the sovereignty, laws, privileges and traditions of Aragon. From then on, the children of Ramon Berenguer and Petronilla and their descendents will have both titles: King of Aragon and Count of Barcelona. But Aragon and Catalonia remain separate kingdoms, each one with their own laws and their own governments formed by the local elites and representatives of the local population.

Neither Aragon rules Catalonia nor Catalonia rules Aragon. However, it's true that Aragon was a rural place with less population, and Catalonia was one of the main powers in the Mediterranean. On top of this, Catalonia's capital city (Barcelona) is on the coast and one of the most important commercial cities in the Mediterranean. For this reason, the kings spend a lot of time in Barcelona, so Barcelona becomes the de facto general capital but they still travel to Zaragoza (Aragon) and other parts of the countries often. Among other reasons, because the king must be present at the government meetings and lords' meetings which take place in each territory. (I think maybe that's the reason why some Aragonese people had often felt the need to call attention to Aragon's importance and to fight against a certain inferiority complex, which has developed into wanting to prove by any means possible that Aragon actually ruled Catalonia, which it didn't.) Aragon also adopted Catalonia's flag, which was originally the emblem of the House of Barcelona:

With time, the Islamic kingdoms in the south become weaker and the Christian kingdoms become stronger, and they invade southwards. That's how Castilla invades most of what now is central and southern Spain, absorbing it into the Kingdom of Castilla. Here's a map of the expansion (look until the year 1500 at most, what happens after is a different story).

Castilla absorbs, but do you remember how we said Catalonia works differently? Because of Catalonia and Aragon's way of working as a confederation, when they invade an Islamic kingdom, they keep it as its own kingdom (same as Aragon) with its own laws and government. But now instead of being an Islamic kingdom as it had been for so long, it's a kingdom that works in the way that Catalonia and Aragon do. That's how you get this:

The duchies in Greece didn't last for long, in the end Sardinia and Provence neither. Though Naples and Sicily were part of this confederation for a long time, they had a strong culture and less population movement, that's why nowadays the Neapolitan and Sicilian languages have a bit of Catalan influence but haven't been replaced by Catalan at all. But it was different in the nearest and earliest (excluding Provence) kingdoms conquered: València and Mallorca. Mallorca was repopulated by people from Catalonia, and València's coast was also repopulated by people from Catalonia while València's inland (right at the south of Aragon) was repopulated by Aragonese people. In the end, Catalan ends up becoming the language of all these places they have repopulated, and continues until nowadays. (Aragonese also became the language of the inland València, but centuries later got replaced by Spanish). Here's a map of the Catalan and Aragonese territories in the 1300s (left) and a map of the Catalan Countries nowadays (right):

And here comes a problem. We have all the individual kingdoms (+Principality of Catalonia which is not legally a kingdom but it has really no other important distinction than the name), each kingdom has its name. But what do we call the confederation formed by all of them together? Back when it still existed, they never gave it one official name. This is how they referred to it back then:

Usually, they referred to each kingdom individually.

When they talked about the king-count or the whole ensemble of territories, they would list all the titles. For example, Alphonse king of Aragon, of València, of Mallorca, Count of Barcelona, king of Sardinia, of Sicily and of Naples.

It was also not uncommon to sum up. Since the 12th century, we find often the expression "Aragonum et Catalonie" (Aragon and Catalonia, with the meaning of all the territories). Since the 13th century, "regno, dominio et corona Aragonum et Catalonie" (kingdom, dominion and crown of Aragon and Catalonia). Since the 14th century, we also find the term "corona regni Aragonum" (crown of the kingdoms of Aragon), "corona reial d'Aragó" (royal crown of Aragon) and "corona d'Aragó" (Crown of Aragon).

When Late Medieval people referred to its population as a whole, they used the term "Catalans", which included all the Catalan population (Catalonia, Mallorca, València) but also Aragonese people. It was normal at the time for Aragonese people to be included in the term "Catalan", which we wouldn't do nowadays. Mediterranean peoples pretty much always used the term "Catalans" to refer to all inhabitants of the Confederacy.

As you can see, many names were used, which can be confusing. And here historians had to decide what we in the present want to call that confederacy. You can hear these three options, all equally correct and all used by historians from all around the world:

Crown of Catalonia-Aragon. This term shows the dual nature of the territories, who always kept both Catalonia (and the other repopulated Catalan territories) and Aragon (and the Aragonese-repopulated part of València) as equals. It's also based on the oldest and more lasting way in which the people who lived at the time called it, as we explained two paragraphs ago.

Catalan-Aragonese Confederation. The term "confederation" wasn't used at the time but it allows us to be precise about what we are talking about.

Crown of Aragon. It's the latest term that was used. It has the advantage of being short.

All three terms are equally correct. In my blog, I use the term Crown of Catalonia-Aragon because of clarity. I think it's more representative of what this dual Crown was like, and also it allows me to explain things in a way that will be easier to understand for a foreign audience who might not know what the Crown of (Catalonia-)Aragon is. By having both country's names in the name, it's easily understood that Catalonia was there. But you will see I have also posted maps with the term "Crown of Aragon" and I have written in Catalan and used the term "Crown of Aragon", I have nothing against it. They're all correct, it's a matter of personal preference.

But the Aragon regional government has used this to spread Catalanophobia and to create a legislation for censorship. Catalanophobic people in Aragon and other parts of Spain have for a long time said that only "Crown of Aragon" should be used because Aragon was the leader and above the others. To anyone who has studied Medieval and Early Modern history (like me :p that's the ambit I work in), that statement is absolutely ridiculous. It shows ignorance, but above all it shows the will to invisibilize and play down Catalonia's historical importance. When historians, museums, or random people who are interested in history say "Crown of Catalonia-Aragon", "Catalan-Aragonese territories" or "Catalan-Aragonese Confederacy", it's met with a lot of hate from some Aragonese and Spanish people who accuse us of stealing Aragon's history, lying and manipulating history. As an example, in 2018 the regional government of Aragon pulled out school books simply because they used the term "Crown of Catalonia-Aragon" and created a government committee to overlook what is taught in schools to make sure it doesn't "take Catalonia's side". It's poltically-motivated censorship, hate-motivated censorship, ahistorical, ridiculous to anyone who knows history, and creating problems where there shouldn't be any. I would understand they would be angry if we started removing Aragon from the name (like they do with Catalonia...), but nobody is doing that. Their objective is erasing Catalonia and not showing it as an equal.

2. Aragonese Catalanophobia

In Aragon, there is sadly quite a strong feeling of Catalanophobia that is not only the general Catalanophobia present around Spain but takes a specific Aragonese form (afaik, generally from those with an understanding of Aragonese culture simply as a folklore manifestation of Spain, but it seems very widespread and this rhetoric wins elections). This is a view that takes all the usual stereotypes about Catalan people (greedy, untrustworthy, will try to steal from you, morally bad people, etc), the usual belief that Catalonia must belong to Spain forever (and very often with this word —belong—, not "be a part of" but "belong to") but it adds something new: the idea that Catalonia is somehow interested in stealing everything belonging to Aragon (similar to blaverism). This is related to the point we explained above about the Crown's name, but applied to other elements of history.

Thus, this regionalist (at best) ideology believes that Catalan people must be kept under control (with the police, the laws, the courts, the army if needed as was seen in 2017) because otherwise we will be an imperialist force that will take over others for its benefit. It's again the same contradiction we've talked about before, one of the characteristics of fascist thought according to Umberto Eco's essay on Ur-Fascism: we are at the same time a useless culture and a useless language, a waste of space, something that only a handful of rural uneducated elderly farmers speak, something that is dying and weak and doesn't have a future, but also we are used to scare-monger and gain votes in elections because we are scary, powerful, a serious threat, even imperial.

Catalonia and Aragon share a lot of history, for many centuries. It's a shame that there is hate from Aragon towards Catalonia. But the irony about all of that is that Catalan people barely ever think of Aragon. It doesn't have a lot of population and it's just not a place we hear about that often outside of history class. Spanish media doesn't often talk about Aragon either, so it's not in our radar.

But, the worst thing? A part of Aragon is also Catalan. They do this to their own population.

3. The Catalan part of Aragon

Here's a map of Aragon with the language areas:

As you can see, the whole strip at the East of Aragon, bordering Catalonia, is a Catalan-speaking area. In fact, some of its counties are among the places in the whole Catalan-speaking countries where Catalan is more used by a higher number of people in everyday life. This area is called "Francha de Levant" in Aragonese (Eastern Strip, since it's the East of Aragon) and "Franja de Ponent" in Catalan (Western Strip, since for us it's in the West) or "Franja d'Aragó" (Aragon's Strip), or simply "la Franja" (the Strip). Here you can see its location in context:

Why is the Strip part of the Catalan culture area but also part of Aragon? Because it has been like this since the Middle Ages, when both our cultures were being formed. Back then, there were two kinds of power administration: the king/nobles and the Church. The population of the Strip were Catalan in language and in close relation to the people from Western Catalonia, but the land was part of the Kingdom of Aragon. At the same time, in Church territorial administration it was part of the Lleida diocese (Western Catalonia). This means that they've always been politically in Aragon but more in contact with Lleida's area (people who went to study in Church schools would go to Lleida, their priests came from there so they gave mass in their common language, etc). This stayed like this for many centuries, Franco's fascist dictatorship tried to segregate the Strip from the rest of the diocese and give it to Aragon completely but failed and in the end they slowly introduced the change between 1955 and the late 1990s. For all of this, Catalan is part of Aragon's cultural-historical heritage in the Strip area.

This isn't directly related to what you asked, but I think it's important to keep in mind the people from the Strip in all the conversations about Aragon's Catalanophobia, because they're the ones who will suffer the most direct consequences.

Aragon's regional government pays a lot of attention to keeping Catalonia at a distance and not allowing what right-wingers call the "Catalanization" (whatever that means) to happen. For this reason, they try to separate the Strip from the rest of the Catalan Countries as much as they can. For example, in 2013 the Aragonese government passed a new Languages Law that didn't recognize Catalan's existence in Aragon. Instead, it recognized something else in the Strip, which they named LAPAO (stands for "Lengua Aragonesa Propia del Área Oriental" = "Aragonese Language Found In The Eastern Area"), in contrast to actual Aragonese language which got renamed LAPAPYP ("Lengua aragonesa propia de las áreas pirenaica y prepirenaica" = "Aragonese Language Found In The Pyrenean and Pre-Pyrenean Areas"). The people from the Strip protested and finally, in 2016, the law was repealed.

But this same logic of wanting to keep the Strip separated from the rest of the Catalan-speaking areas still stays, and people from the Strip don't have many language rights because they don't have much official protection.

That's everything I wanted to say about this, I hope it answers your question!

[multidimensionalguidance]

SR Chart in-depth Analysis Part 2 🔒

Here’s the continuation and final part of my SR chart analysis and predictions, which has been very fun because its the few moments where I can see myself from a different perspective, and just focus on the information I can decode without any room for judgment.

Taurus 8th house: my sense of security will depend a lot on how much I can rely on indulging in delicacies within my own hidden safe space. Finances are merged or shared within close relationships. Partners resources become my own. Inflexible or hard-headed when it comes to the type of comfort or luxury I expect to enjoy. A big focus in other people’s resources becoming my own somehow. The ruler of this house sits in the 12H, which means that the money I receive or try to keep hidden will be used towards spirituality, foreign settlement, expenditure, bed pleasures, self care, health, work clothes, skincare, and extravagant procedures to enhance my natural beauty, which could be to an almost detrimental or excessive level since Venus is debilitated.

Gemini 9th house: communications in general will be towards philosophy, higher knowledge, luck, feeling blessed, traveling, foreigners, teachers, spiritual guides, etc. It is also likely I will be speaking a foreign language quite often. Lots of short distance traveling to foreigners places. These conversations and type of mindset will influence my finances, bet it due to new perspectives or simply luck allowing me monetize those newly acquired learnings and skills. That would particularly be due to 9H ruler sitting in the 2nd house. I’ve read before that Mercury in the 2nd denotes above average intelligence, so perhaps that will also influence on how I’ll be able to increase my resources.

Cancer 10th house: this year people will perceive me as very nurturing, mother-like, soft, intuitive, and like wife material (particularly bc that asteroid Bried is conj the MC). It is likely that I will be receiving lots of attention because that’s what luminaries do, they put a spotlight, which is career/public image for me. My work environment could be spent in a space that IS or feels like home. There could be discomfort from having matters that are private exposed to the public, so I might have to deal with some of that as well. The ruler of this house sits in the 5H, so I might be doing creative work online, related to children, with romantic partner, in a fun way.

Leo 11th house: my social circle will be full of creatives (artists, leaders, performers, teachers, government workers etc), royal-like people or individuals with a certain amount of influence. My goals, social media image, and gains/income will be focused towards notoriety, fame, child-like joy, romance, appearance, etc. On top of that, the ruler of the house sits in the 2H, so those gains/goals/social media image will also influenced my resources and finances.

Virgo 12th house: with Venus sitting there and it being the debilitation, I’m led to thinking that the possible negative significations of this placement will be experienced in isolation, during my daily night routine or in foreign places. The difficulty with Venus in Virgo is how overly critical and judgy it is towards itself and others. There is a difficulty with fully enjoying the experience of love and beauty because you’re too busy thinking of how things can be better or improved. Now, on the other hand, no one does acts of service and has a deeper awareness of health and beauty than this sign. They give and give happily to those they commit to or love in general. I will probably be enjoying a bit of those sides during this year.

Thank you for reading this far! I’m excited to check this during December and doing a sort of checklist of what I predicted accurately + everything else that will definitely happen without my awareness.

[melancholy-of-nadia]

love u lately #3 (m) | myg/knj/pjm

teaser: love u lately #3 (m) chapter title: #3 - pears​ pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon to lovers; summary: you continue your entanglement with yoongi despite jimin's suspicions of him. however, when you end up being in a group project with jimin and having a heart-to-heart moment with Namjoon, you realize there may be more to what your heart may want. warnings: suspicious jimin, brief but word heavy study session bc this is a college au, pining, verbal argument which includes yelling, awkward tension, break up?, jealousy, namjoon and jimin making you have mixed feelings?, a little bit of angst!! notes: s/o to @daegudrama for editing as always for editing! word count: 7.3k drop date: october 9th, 2023, 4:30pm pst cross posted on ao3 here ← #2 | Series Masterlist | #4 → October 10 - Wednesday

Two days have passed since the secret arrangement between you and Yoongi was set in motion.

The atmosphere is charged with unspoken tension, Yoongi's touch lingering a second longer than usual, his neediness veiled under the guise of casual affection.

This subtle transformation extends beyond the private moments you two shared days ago; it starts to seep into your daily life at the house.

Yesterday evening, as you helped Jin prepare taco Tuesday for the group, you felt Yoongi's presence behind you. His fingers brushed against yours as you reached for the spices in the cabinet, sending a jolt of awareness through you. It was as if he couldn't resist being near you, even in the midst of mundane tasks. 

"Need any help with dinner?" he murmurs, his warm breath grazing your ear as he leans in closer. His voice holds a hint of playfulness, but his eyes bore a depth of longing.

You smile, turning to face him, your eyes meeting his dark, intense gaze. "I've got it, but thanks Yoongs." You keep your tone light, aware of the prying eyes of the other housemates.

After dinner, you, Jimin, and Taehyung gather in the living room, opting to binge-watch "The End of the F***ing World." Yoongi's behavior continues to be noticeably different. He suddenly takes a seat next to you on the couch to join the watch party too. His arm casually drapes over the backrest, unconsciously brushing against your shoulders. It's a small gesture, but it sends a shiver down your spine.

Jimin, who sits on the adjacent couch, can't help but notice the subtle touches and glances exchanged between you and Yoongi. His normally cheerful demeanor is marred by a hint of jealousy that he struggles to conceal. He has known you both for years, and this newfound and sudden closeness raises questions he can't ignore.

His suspicions and worries only worsen this morning when he overhears Taehyung talking with Hoseok about how Yoongi has been acting differently since they got home on Saturday. Initially he thinks he's overthinking. If everyone else is starting to notice these patterns too, he must indeed not be overthinking/making things up.

"Hey, Hoseok hyung, have you noticed that Yoongi's been acting weird lately?" Taehyung's voice carries a tone of concern as he leans against the doorframe of Hoseok's room.

Hoseok looks up from his phone, eyebrow raised. 

"Weird how?"

The fluffy haired boy fidgets, his fingers tracing patterns on the doorframe.

 "I don't know, he’s been out of his room more often these last few days…and he’s been less grouchy…” Taehyung pauses before he exclaims his next observation. “He’s also been receiving my hugs without struggling out of my arms!"

Hoseok giggles, gaze softening as he puts his phone down. "I don’t know, Tae. Some of that sounds like usual Yoongi behavior. Maybe something good happened to him lately? I know he’s been working on dropping a SoundCloud mixtape."

"Yeah, but it's been going on for a few days now. There’s the breakfast feast we all walked into on Saturday? Who was that food for when we were all gone except–" Taehyung pauses his words, eyes boring into the older man’s, waiting for him to catch on.

Hoseok's lips quirk into a knowing smile. "Ah, I see what you're getting at. You think Yoongi’s dating someone?"

Taehyung shrugs, a mix of curiosity and concern in his expression. "I think he’s dating HER.” He emphasizes, eyes widening so Hoseok catches the additional hint. “I know him and Honey have been best friends since they were kids...but it would make sense. She’s beautiful.” He scans the area discreetly, trying to make sure no one else is hearing this conversation being spoken. “I thought Jimin liked her too, but he’s always with different people. Irene is the longest relationship he’s had."

Hoseok chuckles, memories of the past resurfacing. "True, true. But we shouldn't jump to conclusions. Let's give Yoongi the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s been in a better mood because of his music."

“Funny how Yoongi hyung’s doing better than Namjoon hyung…what even happened while we were gone on Friday.” Taehyung muses, his tone laced with intrigue.

Jimin, who had overheard their conversation while hiding behind the hallway wall, decides to walk toward them and chime in. "I heard you calling me?" he says, a curious lilt in his voice as he steps out.

Hoseok and Taehyung's eyes widen in fear, caught off guard by Jimin's unexpected presence. The room seems to hang in tense silence for a moment as they exchange uneasy glances, their words now exposed to a prying third party who is more than interested in their observations.

Hoseok exchanges a quick, apprehensive glance with Taehyung. The realization that Jimin had overheard their conversation is undeniable, and there is no way to backtrack now.

Jimin, with a faint hint of suspicion in his eyes, takes a step closer. "What were you two talking about?" he asks, his tone carefully neutral.

Taehyung's usually jovial demeanor falters for a moment, but he quickly regains his composure. "Just some house stuff, you know, the usual," he replies with a forced smile.

Hoseok nods in agreement, though his eyes dart nervously between Jimin and Taehyung. "Yeah, nothing important," he adds, his tone shaky.

Jimin, however, is not easily convinced. His instincts tell him there is more to the conversation than they are letting on. "It didn't sound like 'house stuff' to me," he says, a note of determination in his voice.

Taehyung and Hoseok exchange another anxious look. They know they can't keep the truth from Jimin forever, especially with the mounting evidence of Yoongi's unusual behavior.

Finally, Taehyung sighs, relenting as he knows he can't lie to his closest bud in the house. "Okay, Jimin, you got us. We were just talking about how Yoongi's been acting differently lately. I believe he might be dating someone."

Jimin's brows furrow, a mixture of surprise and unease crossing his features. "Dating someone? Yoongi?" he muses aloud, his mind racing to process this confirming his earlier suspicions. It isn't the conclusion he wanted to reach, but it certainly explains the changes he has observed since Saturday. Though from what he heard before he made his existence to the two men known, he doubts that you would be the one dating Yoongi. There’s just no way he’d do that.

Taehyung nods, offering a reassuring smile. "Yeah, but we're not sure. It's just a hunch!"

Hoseok chimes in, "We didn't want to jump to conclusions without more evidence."

Jimin's gaze remains fixed on the two of them, his thoughts whirling. He had suspected something was going on between you and Yoongi with the way he's been behaving around you. A mix of emotions swirl within him, including his growing jealousy he is struggling to suppress.

+++++++++++++++++

On this particular Wednesday, you find yourself in your marketing class alongside Hwasa, Seokjin, and Jimin. The four of you sit clustered together, engaged in a conversation about the marketing team term project that Professor Sui has announced. It consists of a comprehensive 10-page paper and a short yet cohesive presentation that summarizes the main points of the paper.

As you are about to chime in with your idea for the project, Matthew Kim slides into the empty seat at your table, flashing a charismatic smile that has earned him his reputation as a campus party enthusiast. His sudden presence is met with a mixture of surprise and curiosity from your group.

"Hey y’all!" he greets cheerily, leaning back in his chair. "Mind if I hop on this team?"

Seokjin exchanges glances with the rest of the team, gauging their reactions. Hwasa offers a friendly nod, while Jimin seems intrigued but cautious. You, on the other hand, welcome the idea with a genuine smile. "Of course, Matthew! We'd be glad to have you. We're just discussing potential topics for our marketing project."

Matthew's eyes light up with enthusiasm. "Sounds gucci! So, what's the company we're tackling?" He looks over your laptop screens to see what notes you have gathered so far.

You lean forward, confident in your choice. "Well, first I thought about how In-N-Out obviously has a dedicated fan base that swears by their menu items. Also, their menu is pretty simple, focused on fresh ingredients, and the whole 'secret menu' thing creates a sense of exclusivity. Plus, they don't invest heavily in traditional advertising, relying more on word-of-mouth and their loyal customer base. That's pretty uncommon in the fast-food industry."

Suddenly, Jimin chimes in, his peppy voice brimming. "And! Let's not forget their limited presence. They're mostly on the West Coast, which makes their expansion strategy intriguing. We could explore how they maintain such a strong brand in a relatively small area?"

Silence hangs in the air for a few heartbeats, each second stretching into an eternity. Doubt creeps in, and you wonder if pitching In-N-Out is a terrible idea after all. It's undeniably unconventional, and for a moment, you question whether opting for a well-known giant like Disney or McDonald's might have been the safer route. Just as you're on the verge of retracting your proposal, Seokjin, with a glint of excitement in his eyes, lets out a hearty chuckle. "Well, well, I’ve never seen the two of you so eager for a project. In-N-Out it is!"

Your eyes widen in pleasant surprise. You hadn't expected your sunbae to embrace the project topic so readily. A collective laugh ripples through the group, your cheeks flushing with a mix of relief and embarrassment. You turn to look at Jimin, finding warmth and fondness in his gaze.

In moments like these, you remember that Jimin is the one who often champions your spontaneous ideas, acting as the magnet that draws everyone else into your orbit. Like when you both proposed the wild race to lose your virginity before the end of high school, successfully roping Namjoon and Yoongi into your shenanigans. Ironically, it was also like that time you wanted In-N-Out after receiving your disastrous Calculus midterm grade last Spring semester. Jimin had begged Jin to borrow his sleek black Audi RS to take you for a vanilla milkshake and animal-style fries, to which he surprisingly agreed. It ended up with Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin cheering you up with your comfort food at 12am. These memories weigh on your conscience, especially now that you have chosen to have a secretive situationship with Yoongi, hiding it from everyone, especially Jimin.

You're brought back to the surface from your dulling thoughts when you hear Hwasa calling out to you to ask when you’ll be free tonight to work on researching information with the team.

"Oh, I don't have any evening classes, so I'm free when–" You pause, a realization dawning as you remember your work-study responsibilities to cover your tuition. "Wait, I was supposed to work in the library this evening, but I'll ask if Soyoon could cover for me." You pull out your phone and click on her contact to text her your request. Soyoon is another friend in your small female friend group that you met through this work-study program. She is typically handling morning shifts on Thursdays, so swapping shifts tonight seems feasible, unless she has plans.

Hwasa nods, her enthusiasm undiminished. "Sure, babes. I'll schedule one of the study rooms in the business building so we can meet up later. Does 7:30 sound good, boys?"

Matthew, Seokjin, and Jimin nod in agreement, ready to commit to the plan. Not long after, Soyoon replies to you with ‘no worries, i got you!’ text with a blushing smile emoji next to it. I guess that settles the group project plans for night, you think to yourself.

As you look around at your friends, you can't shake the feeling of guilt for keeping your situationship with Yoongi hidden. The complexities of your relationships within the group are becoming increasingly tangled, and you wonder how much longer you can keep your secret concealed.

++++++++

The night settles in, casting a soft, dim glow over the campus as you arrive at the business school building just a tad earlier than the agreed-upon time. The hallway outside is mostly deserted, however, there are still some students in night classes and some sitting around and studying along the lit corridor. With a bag of snacks in one hand and your determination in the other, you quietly approach the designated study room Hwasa reserved.

As you push open the door at 7:15, the room is bathed in the muted, warm light of a single desk lamp, and you are surprised to find Jimin already here. He meticulously arranges a selection of drinks on the table, their labels glistening as they catch the light. His eyes light up as you enter, a warm smile spreading across his face.

"Hey," he greets, his voice angelic and inviting. "I thought I'd get here early to help set up. Hope you don't mind."

You return his smile, a sense of gratitude welling up within you. You're not too surprised he also showed up with snacks. "Not at all, Jimin. Thanks for coming early. I brought some snacks too."

Jimin's gaze drifts to the snacks you have placed on the table, and he chuckles. "Great minds do think alike, huh?" he remarks, his eyes crinkling with amusement.

You take a seat next to Jimin, the atmosphere in the room cozy and welcoming. The study room has a serene ambiance, the faint hum of the air conditioning creating a soothing background noise.

"It seems that way," you reply, your heart warmed by the camaraderie between you two.

He gestures to the drinks he has laid out. "I grabbed a few drinks for us. Yerba Mate, water, and some green tea. I remember you like the Bluephoria Yerba Mate." He grabs the can and hands it out to you.

You can't help but be touched by his thoughtfulness. "You have a good memory, Mimi. Thanks for remembering."

He flashes a playful grin. "Of course, how could I ever forget your favorite, Darling?"

As you settle in, his eyes meet yours, and for a moment, the world outside fades away. Jimin has always been known for his exceptional memory when it comes to your favorite snacks. It's a skill he has honed over the years, driven by his desire to make you smile. Even before your current situationship with Yoongi, Jimin has often been the one to make snack runs, returning with an assortment of treats to share with everyone in the house or the dorms, especially during the intense periods of midterms and finals.

Whether it's your favorite Yerba Mate, a bag of kettle-cooked sea salt & vinegar chips, or that one obscure dark chocolate bar you can't resist, Jimin has an uncanny ability to remember the details of your cravings. It's a gesture that hasn't gone unnoticed throughout the time you've known him.

Yoongi, too, has a knack for remembering your snack preferences, although he displays it in his own, quieter way. He might not be as vocal about it as Jimin, but he will often surprise you with your favorite snack tucked away in your bag or on your desk when you least expect it. His actions speak volumes, a subtle way of showing that he cares and pays attention to the little things that make you happy.

In those moments, whether it's Jimin's boisterous enthusiasm or Yoongi's quiet consideration, you feel truly cherished by these two men. Namjoon is a bit different from the two, though.

Not long after, Seokjin, Hwasa, and Matthew start coming into the study room, their faces lighting up with excitement as they see the assortment of snacks presented on the table for their indulgence. The room buzzes with anticipation, and you can't help but chuckle at their reactions.

Seokjin, who has a penchant for indulging in snacks during late-night study sessions, immediately gravitates toward the shrimp chips and reaches for a handful. "Honey, you got these? Ah, you've got the good stuff here I see," he exclaims, a grin forming as he settles into his seat.

Hwasa, equally pleased with the snack selection, joins him, her eyes alight with enthusiasm. "Our Honey sure knows how to make our study session so much better," she declares, her fingers dancing over the bags of chips and cookies.

Matthew also looks pleasantly surprised by the spread. "Wow, you guys really know how to set up a study session. I'm impressed, not gonna lie," he admits, picking out a bag of gummy candies. “I’m gonna make sure Y/N and Jimin are always on my team for group projects for every class I end up with them.” The group bursts out with laughter while you and Jimin look on with satisfaction with your efforts to make everyone feel at home.

With snacks in hand and laptops opened, the group gets down to business. The atmosphere shifts from casual camaraderie to focused determination as you delve into the research on In-N-Out. Your laptop screens illuminate the room as you pull up relevant articles, statistics, and marketing strategies.

"Alright, let's talk about In-N-Out's competitors," Seokjin suggests, leaning back in his chair. "We've got the big players like McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. But what sets In-N-Out apart?"

"Their simple menu and focus on fresh ingredients definitely gives them an edge. Plus, they've maintained a loyal customer base for years." Hwasa chimes in, pulling up some articles from Business Insider.

Jimin adds, "And their annual earnings are impressive too. I’m looking at their earnings report from 2017, they reportedly made over $800 million. Not bad for a regional chain."

Matthew, who is flipping through some notes on his tablet, pipes up, "Okay y’all, but isn't it strange that they don't heavily promote themselves? I was looking this up before they got here and they rely a lot on word-of-mouth."

Jin nods in agreement, his mouth full of chips as he chimes in, "And their refusal to expand too quickly, even when they could, keeps that exclusivity intact. It's like a club that everyone wants to join, but they have to wait in line."

You giggle, nodding in agreement, "Exactly. It's like they're intentionally keeping a sense of exclusivity around their brand… while also lightly promoting it with their In-N-Out T-Shirts and stickers."

As you speak, Jin jots down some notes onto the Google slides, "Let's make sure we highlight these points in the paper. It's all about understanding their unique selling points."

Jimin, who has been intently focused on his own research, lifts his head from his laptop and puts it on your shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It's a gesture that has happened countless times before during study sessions, but tonight, it feels different, and you can't quite put your finger on why.

"Y/N," Jimin says, his voice soft as he snuggles against your shoulder. "You should look into researching competitor menus and their pricing. That's a critical point."

You glance down at Jimin, his proximity a mix of comfort and unease. It's as though he's seeking solace in your presence, a subtle shift in the dynamics between you two. His eyes meet yours briefly, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken tension that has been growing since the arrangement with Yoongi began. Maybe this tension has always been there, and it wasn’t until Hwasa opened Pandora’s box that you started to become more conscious and self-aware of these behaviors. Maybe the lack of touch since your last relationship ended as well as the combination of what felt like Namjoon’s betrayal has made you deluded with these thoughts.

As the group continues discussing the PowerPoint structure and the resources they are consulting, you can't help but wonder about Jimin's intimate actions.

++++++

It's around 9:45 when you guys decide to call it a night and head back to your respective homes. Hwasa and Matthew head over in different directions, and you’re left with the two men. You walk alongside Jin and Jimin, who are engaged in a conversation about playing Team Fight Tactics. It feels like the first time in forever that Irene isn't mentioned in conversation, despite Jimin dating her. After noticing his subtle changes in behavior, you can't help but wonder if something might have happened between them too. He seems like he might be getting burnt out from dating a sorority girl, though Irene is far from the first one. You aren't sure why he keeps doing this to himself expecting a different result. However, not wanting to sour the mood, you decide to hold off on asking him about it. Seokjin and Jimin share a grin as they delve into a conversation about Team Fight Tactics.

 "You know, Jimin, I've been practicing my TFT strategy. I'm basically a tactical genius now." Seokjin, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, leans in to say to the younger.

Jimin chuckles, his competitive spirit ignited. "Oh really, Jin? I'd like to see that. Last time I checked, you were still trying to figure out how to combine items."

The older man waves a dismissive hand. "Minor details, my friend. I've unlocked a secret tactic – I call it the 'Lose First, Win Later' strategy. It's all about keeping the element of surprise."

Jimin raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Lose first? Isn't the goal to win?"

Seokjin nods sagely. "Ah, but see, when you consistently lose in the early rounds, your opponents underestimate you. Then, when they least expect it, I unleash my secret weapon– the level two Vayne!"

Jimin bursts into laughter. "Level two Vayne? Maybe I’m underestimating you, Kappa Psi Pi President Kim."

Seokjin grins proudly. "You'll see, Jimin. Soon, I'll be climbing the TFT ranks and taking over the leaderboards. Just you wait!"

Their banter continues, filled with laughter and warmth. This feels just like normal, you think to yourself. It feels like before the breakdown you had on Friday and spending the night with Yoongi. It feels like before Namjoon started getting closer with Jihyo through their shared major classes. It feels like before Taehyung convinced Jimin to go on a double date which led him to date Irene. What went wrong? Yoongi’s question from Friday night surfaces again, hidden from the haze of your feelings that night. Are you in love with one of them…or all of them? Or is there something more that you still haven’t realized at this point in time.

You find yourself falling behind, lost in thought as you are about to approach the crosswalk off campus and reach home. The burden of unspoken secrets and shifting dynamics within your group weighs on your mind. You walk at a slower pace, the distance between you and your friends growing.

Noticing your lagging steps, Jimin suddenly stops mid-sentence and turns around, a playful grin on his face. He hurries back toward you and, without missing a beat, links his arm through yours. His touch is warm and familiar, a comforting reminder of the deep connection you share.

"Hey there, slowpoke," Jimin teases, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

You laugh, the tension that had been building within you slowly dissipating. "Sorry, just got lost in thought for a moment."

Seokjin glances back and notices Jimin linking arms together with you. He shakes his head, a fond smile on his face. "You two are still just like kids!" he remarks, his voice carrying a mixture of affection and amusement. Jimin rushes with you across the crosswalk before the crosswalk light countdown reaches 1.

“Gotta make sure my darling doesn’t get lost because she’s tiny!” Jimin and you exchange a knowing glance, the unspoken history between you evident in your eyes. It's a history filled with shared laughter, secrets, and a bond that time and circumstance have failed to break.

You and Jimin walk alongside each other, arm in arm, the night air feeling a bit lighter with each step. The camaraderie between you two is a reassuring presence, a buffer against the uncertainties of your group's dynamics.

As you approach the corner of the street leading to your house, the distant sound of raised voices begins to reach your ears. The voices are filled with emotion, carrying an unmistakable tension and turmoil.

“You're clearly not all in for me so what’s the point of all this?” one voice exclaims, a rawness in the tone that's impossible to ignore.

Jimin furrows his brow, concern etched across his face. He tightens his grip on your arm, pulling you closer as the shouting persists in the distance. You exchange a worried glance, a silent agreement passing between you both to investigate the source of the commotion. Ahead of you, Seokjin decides to take the lead, guiding you and Jimin as you round the corner of the street. What you come upon leaves you both utterly stunned.

Namjoon and Jihyo arguing right outside the front door of the house.

The tension in the air thickens as Jihyo's words hang heavily between them. Namjoon, his voice laced with desperation, tries to salvage the situation.

"No, you've got this all wrong," he pleads, his eyes filled with sincerity. "I like you, Jihyo, a lot more than the words I can verbalize right now. So don't do this."

Jihyo's expression remains hardened, her resolve unyielding. "I don't care what Shakespearean bullshit you want to say," she retorts, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. "Because I know that what you said while you were drunk on Friday, is what you truly feel."

Seokjin, Jimin and you open the front gate, catching the attention of the two.

Jihyo's words hang in the air, heavy with emotion and finality. The intensity of their argument seems to dissipate as she turns her attention to the arrival of Seokjin, Jimin, and you. Her anger momentarily softens into a weary resignation, and she sighs, her gaze shifting from Namjoon to the three of you. "Looks like we have an audience now, so I'm just gonna go," she says, her voice weary, her eyes flickering briefly in your direction. It's the first time you've seen her beauty up close, and it strikes you how different she appears from her usual calm and collected demeanor. It's as if she shattered into a hundred pieces before your eyes.

With a final glance at Namjoon, Jihyo imparts a parting message, one that holds both concern and a touch of forgiveness. "I'm gonna say this as your friend," she begins, her voice softening, "get your shit sorted out before you end up hurting anyone else. And I'm sorry I had to end it this way, but despite it all, I'm rooting for you. Goodbye Joon."

With those words, Jihyo walks away, leaving Namjoon standing there, a mixture of regret and longing in his eyes. The weight of their argument and its implications lingers in the air, a reminder of the complexities of relationships and the consequences of words spoken in moments of vulnerability.

Seokjin, Jimin, and you exchange a knowing glance, understanding the depth of what just transpired. Namjoon stands there, lost in thought and motionless, as the arguing and Jihyo's departure sinks in. The shadows of regret and turmoil play across his face, leaving him seemingly paralyzed by the emotions swirling within.

Finally, he breaks the silence with a heavy sigh, his voice filled with a mix of exhaustion and uncertainty. "I... I need to go, clear my head or something," he mumbles, his words lacking the usual confidence that characterizes him.

Before anyone can respond, he rushes past Seokjin, slightly pushing him in his haste. The push sets off a chain reaction, and you find yourself being pushed by Jimin in the process. The abruptness of it all leaves you and your friends looking at each other with concern, the tension in the air almost palpable, and excruciating

You decide to let go of Jimin's arm, hand him your backpack, with determination in your eyes as you speak up. "I'm going to go after him," you announce, your voice resolute.

Seokjin furrows his brow, concern etched across his features. "Is that the best thing you can do right now?" he asks, voicing the apprehension that hangs in the air.

Jimin looks down briefly before meeting your gaze with unwavering trust in his eyes. "I think this is something only she can do at this moment," he says, his voice steady. "Namjoon's known her the longest. I think her presence might ease him."

You agree. You’ve been with him each of the times that he was doing unwell or struggling, managing to get him out of his depressive state with your existence. It shouldn’t be any different now. With those words of encouragement from Jimin, you set off after Namjoon, the echoes of Jihyo's parting words still resonating in your mind. 

From inside the house, Yoongi looks out the window with jealousy running through his veins. He balls his left fist and pushes his hair back from frustration. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling this way because you two are still friends. He was a few seconds from considering going out there earlier to prevent Namjoon from fighting with Jihyo, but decided against it. It felt like some sort of betrayal knowing how you felt towards Joon on Friday and how you wanted to see him face the consequences of his actions, but you ended up going after him without a second thought. He is confused on how he should feel about this and whether he made a mistake as he let his feelings get in the way of his actions.

Jungkook approaches the window, his gaze fixed on Yoongi, and then your figure gradually fading into the distance. He sighs softly, a sense of resignation washing over him.

Meanwhile, Seokjin and Jimin decide to head inside, entering the house to find the rest of the boys in a somber mood following the recent events outside. Yoongi, in particular, appears disheartened. He shakes his head and goes to lay down on the couch, lifting his arm to cover his eyes, appearing to sulk. Jin joins him on the couch, taking out his phone to play Maple Story to occupy himself. Jimin places your bag down on the couch and glances over at Yoongi, puzzled by his sudden mood shift. His thoughts briefly wander to the rumored girlfriend that the other guys had been talking about earlier in the day. But why now? A nagging feeling lingers—what if it is actually about you? He contemplates whether or not to broach the subject with elder man.

Just then, Jungkook approaches Jimin, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and inviting him to join him in the kitchen. He mentions that he had prepared perilla oil spicy makguksu earlier that evening and wanted Jimin to taste his new recipe. He agrees and walks over, finding Taehyung eating straight from the pot and playfully scolds him as Jungkook laughs.

Meanwhile, Seokjin glances at Yoongi and offers a sympathetic ear. "If you ever want to talk about what's bothering you," he says quietly, "just know that I'm the trustworthy type. I'll keep my lips sealed, unlike some of the other blabbermouths in this house. You know that, right?"

Yoongi lift his arm away and turns his gaze toward Jin, his internal struggle evident on his face as he contemplates how to respond.

++++++

"Kim Namjoon, wait!" you call out, your voice cutting through the night air. Your heart is pounding as you chase after him, determined to catch up before he disappears into the darkness.

The campus is quiet, with only a few lingering students strolling about. Namjoon continues his brisk pace in the direction of the campus gym, seemingly intent on finding solace in a late-night workout to clear his mind.

Your desperation grows as you realize that he might be slipping away, and you can't bear the thought of letting him face his turmoil alone. You groan in frustration and, fueled by a surge of determination, you rush forward and tackle him from behind, clinging to him like a koala.

Namjoon stumbles in surprise, his eyes widening as he registers your unexpected presence. He tries to shake you off, but you hold on stubbornly, your heart racing.

"We need to talk, seriously," you plead, your voice trembling with urgency. 

Namjoon takes a deep breath, his tense shoulders slowly relaxing as he agrees. "Okay, okay, just please get off, and we can go find a place to talk."

Your grip on him loosens, and you cautiously climb off his back. "You promise this isn't an excuse to run off without me, right?" you ask, a hint of worry and aggression in your voice.

Namjoon lifts his hand, forming it into a pinky promise. "I promise I'm not gonna do that," he reassures you.

With a sigh of relief, you gently climb off his back. Together, you start walking toward the campus soccer field, where the night is quiet and serene. Namjoon takes off his gray hoodie and lays it on the grass before you sit down, offering it as a makeshift cushion to make you more comfortable. As you settle onto the grass, you can't help but steal a glance at Namjoon. He's wearing a black tank top that showcases his well-defined muscles, a stark contrast to the more reserved freshman you once knew. He looks pretty good.

You both sit in silence, the cool night air enveloping you as you give Namjoon the space he needs to open up. You can see the stress in his eyes, the pain of the argument etched on his face.

Finally, Namjoon breaks the silence, his voice heavy with regret. "She broke up with me."

You nod, your sympathy evident as you motion your hands, gesturing to his distraught expression. "I see that," you say bluntly, allowing him to continue at his own pace.

"We were only sleeping with each other for a bit," Namjoon begins, his voice wavering slightly, "but we were thinking about making it more serious." He pauses, collecting his thoughts. "And then I said something Friday night and completely fucked things up for us."

 "What did you say?" 

Namjoon sighs loudly, the memory clearly painful as he rubs his face in frustration. "I can't even remember, I was so drunk. This happened on Friday."

"Friday..." you murmur, your mind racing as you recall the events of that particular evening. Memories start to piece together, especially the growing worries and the sight of Namjoon making out with Jihyo at the Gamma Omega Tau party. It was the night that had led to your emotional breakdown and your impulsive decision to sleep with Yoongi.

Then it hits you—the realization that Namjoon was supposed to be at the house that night because you and Yoongi had gotten "sexiled" and sent to do game night elsewhere. But when you had returned, in your tipsy and aroused state, he was nowhere to be found. Not even hours later, as you and Yoongi got lost in the moment. It was something you had completely forgotten about, but now it seemed crucial.

"Wait," you say slowly, connecting the dots, "Friday night... you were supposed to be at the house that night, right?"

Namjoon's eyes widen as he comprehends the implication of your question. The pieces of the puzzle start to come together, and you both realize that things could have ended disastrously if he had indeed shown up as originally planned. 

"Yeah, but I ended up sleeping on the couch at Jihyo’s place... by myself," he admits, his voice filled with regret. "Chaeyoung and Nayeon wanted to kick me out, but Jihyo was nice enough to let me stay there. I didn't deserve her kindness."

Understanding dawns as the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. "Oh," you say softly, realizing how the series of events had unfolded. You had also forgotten that Jihyo was in the Professional Kappa Psi Pi frat and lived with some of the girls too.

Namjoon continues, his voice laced with self-blame. "And you saw me come back on Saturday morning with Hope, who should've been gone until Sunday. I called him, and he brought me back home out of concern."

You nod, encouraging him to share more.

"So overall, this is just a consequence of my own actions," Namjoon concludes, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. "I can't even be mad at her; she didn't do anything wrong."

The tension of Namjoon's guilt and self-realization fills the quiet night. It's clear that he's grappling with the consequences of his choices and how they've led to the dissolution of his budding relationship with Jihyo. Despite whatever frustration and angst you felt that night, you still empathize with Namjoon and his situation.

You take a moment to choose your words carefully, wanting to offer Namjoon support and guidance in this difficult time. Finally, you speak with a gentle but firm tone.

"Namjoon, we all make mistakes," you word out, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "What's important now is that you've recognized your part in this and that you're willing to learn from it. That's a sign of growth and maturity."

Namjoon looks at you, his expression a mix of gratitude and remorse.

"You can't change the past," you continue, "What’s said has been done, but you can control how you move forward from here. Take this as an opportunity to work on yourself, to become a better person. And remember, it's okay to lean on us for support when you need it."

He nods, and a faint smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

"As for Jihyo," you add, “she may have left, but she did leave you with some insight on what you can do. So listen to that." Namjoon's gaze becomes more determined, and he nods once more, this time with a sense of purpose.

As your words of encouragement hang in the air, he reaches out and gently places a hand on your shoulder, his way of silently thanking you for your support.

But then, to your surprise, he suddenly pulls you towards him, wrapping his arms around you in a tight, warm embrace. It's an unexpected gesture, and you find yourself pressed against his chest, your head nestled against his shoulder. The emotions in that moment are overwhelming. There's a deep sense of intimacy felt in this moment compared to any other hugs you share in the past. The tension that had been building during your conversation seems to melt away, replaced by a profound connection that transcends words.

"I thought you didn't like hugs, Mr. Kim 'I hate being tangled in limbs' Namjoon," you tease gently, trying to break the heaviness of the moment.

Namjoon's voice is dulcet as he replies, "Just this once, I feel like I needed it." He lets out a heavy sigh, his warm breath grazing your neck like a gentle breeze as he utters, "I miss the old days, when we were still kids and didn't have all this drama and shit." You respond with a soft hum, sharing his sentiment. In that moment, you both long for the simplicity of the past, when life wasn't complicated by tangled emotions and the confusing dynamics that had developed among your closest friends. It's times like these when you find yourself wishing for a return to the days when you didn't have to grapple with the complex web of feelings for your guy best friends. And right now, it's Yoongi who has navigating through a sea of emotions and uncertainty. With that damn question he asked you on that night!

“Me too.”

As he holds you close, you can feel the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath, a reminder of the very real, very human experience you both share. It's a moment of vulnerability and comfort, where your own concerns and secrets seem to momentarily fade into the background.

The night air around you feels cooler, but within the circle of Namjoon's embrace, you find warmth and solace. It's as if, for that brief moment, the world and its complexities cease to exist, leaving only the two of you, bound together by friendship and shared trials.

Eventually, you both pull away, the unspoken connection between you lingering in the air. Namjoon offers a small, appreciative smile, and you return it with one of your own. Namjoon's voice breaks the momentary silence, his words soft and contemplative. "I think we should go back," he suggests, his gaze meeting yours.

You nod in agreement, recognizing that it's time to return to the house, to your friends, and to the challenges and uncertainties that await. Rising to your feet, you brush off any blades of grass clinging to your clothes, and Namjoon retrieves his hoodie from the grass where he had laid it.

Together, you make your way back towards the main campus and the familiar path that leads to your shared home. The night air feels a bit lighter now, as if the weight of the conversation has been partially lifted.

+++

As you lie in bed, struggling to fall asleep amid the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions from the evening, your phone suddenly buzzes with a text message. You groggily reach for it, blinking away the sleep from your eyes.

It's a group chat message called NO JIMIN, and you see that it includes everyone in the house, except Jimin. The topic of conversation catches your attention immediately—it's about Jimin's upcoming birthday on Saturday. Somehow, the date had slipped past your mind in the midst of everything that had been happening. The boys wanted to have a party at the house. It has been awhile since a party was held at the Beta Tau Sigma household. Last time it happened, it was Jungkook’s birthday, a little over a month ago. It was a fairly small party, with nothing too eventful taking place. Well if you don’t count Taehyung and Jimin playing strip poker while getting too wasted. Jin and Yoongi really had to calm them down before they were entirely naked and having their dicks out for everyone to see. About a week after, it was Namjoon’s birthday. Though, he opted for the whole house going to celebrate at Baekjeong with KBBQ and going clubbing after at HARU. He did not want to deal with another party crisis at the house.

As you scroll through the chat, Taehyung emerges as the main organizer of the party, and he's already divvying up responsibilities among the housemates. Your eyes scan the messages, and then your heart skips a beat as you see your name mentioned, followed by the assignment he has given you.

Tae: We need this party for Jimin to be lit! Jin: Taehyung, I've got the food prep covered, so don't you worry about that.

Hoseok: I'll be the official DJ for the night, so get ready for some sick beats!! Beta Tau Sigma is BACK!

Hoseok: I'm bringing Matthew's DJ equipment over too, and we'll have the dance floor bumping!

Jungkook: Tae, I'll help out with the drinks and bartending! I’ve been told i make great drinks. Yoongi: I can handle working the drinks too, but just a heads up, I might be enjoying them a bit too much. Jungkook: LMAO, hyung I think it’s better if you handle something else. Also can someone make sure to buy enough alc options? Namjoon: I can drop by the liquor store on friday Tae: I also need you some of y’all to help clean around the house.

Tae: Hey Honey!

Tae: You and Yoongi are in charge of buying and setting up the decorations for Jimin's birthday party. Sound good?

You: Okie dokie! Yoongi: [thumbs up] Tae: Perfect! This is gonna be a night to remember. Let's give Jimin the best birthday ever! 🎂🎈🎁

You: We got this, guys! Jimin's gonna love it! 🥳🥂

As you send the message, your worries dull for a bit. Maybe this could be a chance for Namjoon to cheer up after the break-up, and make whatever growing tension less awkward. You looked forward to this night with determination, however you feared that what was to come would probably entangle you deeper into chaos with your best friends.

[chthonicgodling]

AND NOW, FINALLY WRAPPING UP, AN ELYSIUM DRAMA UPDATE‼️

Ft., FINALLY ALL TOGETHER!!!!: Tory! EeL! & Maci!!

[you are: one • two • three • four • five • six • seven • eight • nine  • ten • eleven • twelve • here • fourteen (the end!) ]

Hey so, you know like when you’re living in a palace run by a couple in a very loud open relationship, who have graciously given you room and board and camaraderie for almost two decades, even tho generally you usually find them SO annoying and clingy that for the most part you tend to avoid getting wrapped up in their whole thing… up until you discover they happen to be able to scratch a VERY particular itch that you uhh, really don’t openly share with ANYONE—

So you bite the bullet & (gleefully, consensually) surrender a great deal of pride & dignity solely for sexual gratification, only to discover it turns out their irritating clinginess is… unexpectedly tolerable when it’s all directed at you within this new dynamic, in fact the attention is nearly addicting, & throughout this on/off endeavor they are SO earnest in a way you’re really not used to, like— they say what they think & when they want you they tell you &, all in all they are very direct in the way that they love ALL-CONSUMINGLY, until by the time they earnestly ask you to have a baby with them, something that usually no one EVER wants, you suddenly realize that you’ve BEEN consumed by that overwhelming warmth of love, and— that’s actually not so bad, in fact all of this is nearly too good to be true, & actually, you kindave feel like you could get used to this, maybe.

Except historically - things that are perfect never remain. And pregnancy makes you go a little crazy. Which is surely going to make them shove you away faster. So to avoid any inevitable heartbreak, you shove them FIRST and disappear except... then lo and behold they FIND you, they’re not even MAD at you, they’re even LOOKING AT YOU THE SAME (that unbelievably earnestly loving way), and though you were certain you’d fucked something up again the way you usually fuck things up, the way you’ve fucked SO many things up, instead INSTEAD you find yourself falling asleep in their clingy annoying arms & realizing that you, of all people, trust them more than you’ve ever trusted anyone in your life—

...We’ve all been there, right?

UMMM 💞THANKS FOR FOLLOWING ALONG THIS SAGA OF INSANITY💞 (& why am i writing prose in the captions of my art posts. well. i guess!)

as mentioned Elysium Drama Updates will continue since Elysium Drama DOES continue, but this concludes THIS canon arc. I hope this has been as fun for you as it’s been for me AND CONTINUES TO BE…. I’m so normal about them!!! AHH I have nothing else to say except I’m MCFUCKIN EXHAUSTED AND DELIGHTED TO BE MOVING ON (but chewing on all of these pages in delight, mind you).

.....also bonus 9th slide bc 😒😇 fight me.

stay tuned for… whatever’s next 🤪 (in fact just… more of them LOL) I have two more related doodles but only tangentially. well! Soon! as always the momentous [hiatus'd] @fenixethekid is responsible for Tory & all orange bubbles - EeL/green and MACI and her CHAOTIC PINK are all me! [UNHINGES MY JAW] AAAHHHHHHHHHHH- anyway truly thank yall for following along if you have been <33 this does not end here, of course.,,, time for me to take a nap tho. EeL too. sob snif

[filmbyjy]

the enha-files award show has ended and although One Note didn't win 'smau of the year' I am extremely grateful to be even nominated!

(gonna be spitting out words here so just click read more if you'd like to read about my journey and my little thank you note that i wanted to write if One Note did win)

when i first started writing back in 2017-2018. i started off my journey doing youtube fanfics (that's crazy) which meant I had to edit the videos, make a whole story, edit text, download videos (illegally, please don't catch me FBI) and then upload it to youtube. it was a rough start bc i was 15-16 around that time and i was still a student. i had my major exam for secondary school around that time too so like idk what i was doing💀

nobody really knew that i made fanfics on youtube. like my irl friends. i just kept silent about it cause in a way. it was a little embarrassing back then. then my videos started to get views. i was actually shocked. i wanted to also share my works on other famous writing platforms so wattpad was my next target. that's where user markxdino started growing even more.

2018-2020: my journey in wattpad. i was a huge fan of ateez back then. still am now. i decided that i wanted to make a book consisting of short imagines/drabbles hence i created the ATEEZ Imagines book #1. i didn't care about the views or reads. i had simply wanted to share my creative writing and to make people happy. Which has always been my life motto. 'Be happy & make people happy'. i shared some life details on myself on there as if the readers were my friends and i really did enjoy reading the comments on there. once again. the views on that book kept stacking up and i was shocked. soon enough before 2019, the book received 1M reads. I was frozen. that's a huge number for a 16-17 year old to even comprehenc. I also juggled my little youtube career along with this. i even had a schedule for which days i should focus on making video fanfics and wattpad fanfics.

however as you know, school happens. i couldn't keep up with the schedule but i always found time to edit the videos and also write. which now that i think about it back, idk how i did that.

2020-2025: i'm sure around this timing is when i started tumblr. as some of you may know, i was once a user called markxdino on here. i had that account for about 2 years and had a decent following. around 1K? with fanfics from ateez, txt and enhypen. i wrote for those 3 groups mainly. i also had side blogs for the 5th/8th/9th member of the respective groups but again. i couldn't keep up. i sill can't now💀 i apologise for that. i may come back with it since i have more free time now.

anyways, with the side blogs that i didn't use. i decided that i wanted to delete them. i've deleted side blogs before. why not delete the ones i never use in a long time. bad idea. cause it told me to put my username and i was like "huh?" so i just put it in. THEN I DELETED MY WHOLE BLOG😭😭😭 i was halfway through my smau that i did at the time, 'Jam Out'. panic was running all over my body. i almost cried ngl. like gurl that blog was my safe space for me to talk about events in my life. the artists that i love. many more. suddenly 2 years of writing on there was gone just like that. i told myself that i wouldn't give up bc there are users at the time who really enjoyed 'Jam Out' and they were worried with what happened to my blog.

those users, some have deactivated and some are still here just not active. I thank them till this day for continuing their support on my smau even though i had to restart on uploading it. it gave me motivation on writing. i will forever be thankful to my readers back then and currently for showing love and support on my works.

now this is what i wrote for if One Note did win. here you go:

holy shit?? Umm, thank you to everyone who voted for One Note to win best ‘SMAU of the year’!! I would also like to congratulate other nominees who have been nominated under the same category! Everyone did their best. I do believe that enhablr writers are truly amazing at creative writing and have such talented skills! If anyone would like to be friends on enhablr, come say hi!! I don’t bite I swear T_T Oh! I also hope that my readers are enjoying ‘Hidden Love’ so far!! Love you guys ❤️

it's been a long journey losing my account on here but i still continued persevering and here we are with 3.5K followers 😭 i'm actually going to sob guys

[nicekaylee]

SEPTEMBER-DECEMBER 2023

took a vacation after the show failed to love my life again and stepped away from music 2. somebody moved into my studio so couldnt work on my album 3. went outside a looot more and met new friends. 4. met someone that WAS.... the person i was looking for, full of life and loud and hype and talented and beautiful and a spirit i resonated even deeper bc she also had ADHD. 5. started doing sunday jazz nights 6. made some new KAIYEME music and animations and art. 7. Did a new VICE KAYLEE show in October 9th and actually went amazing and well planned this time. FINALLY. 8. Fell in love or really liked or got into a fake delusional relationship/situationship with that girl. and it ended terribly. was amazing until it wasn't (september-december) we're barely friends and we barely talk now. i still love her unconditionally and i hope she gets better and i hope i get better. She is not the one that makes my life...better sadly, because i don't make hers. and i have issues too. but she does too. (it will drive me insane explaining this) 9. i learned to not be a carpet mat that gets walked on and grew thicker skin. 10. i lost my best friend of 9 years, he blocked me on everything. because i have a problem with over sharing. which i don't really.. i've just been extremely stressed out and it's not pathological. 11. im still not done with my album, i still havent progressed in life. 12. i started to skate and started adventure time for the first time ever. its amazing and skating feels so good. 13. me reymun are stronger friends than ever and will continue to be strong for black color that we still believe in. stanley and endee and are closer too but not as much as me and reymun. 14. had the best day of my whole year for an hour and 30 mins at a bouncy place with reymun and two girls from our past live shows. (december 30th) 15. Dec 31st im suicidal

and i still feel lonely i want to feel gratitidude or thankfullness for what i have. but two close people arent even there for me anymore. im burning on the inside. i've been rageful for the first time in my life like this. i might find faith this next year. i ran out of ideas. and only feeling more pain. and no love. wheres my family. my friends are fucked up because the way i prioritize them is fucked up. i dont feel like anything is real. i dont feel like anythings matters because i keep getting into the same cycle of nothing happening, and everybody gets to move forward in life. And i keep losing MORE in return. no love, no recognition. therapy never happened, they tried to cut me off. no money made. no love, no true bonds. reymun is close but lets keep it work safe.

but honestly im terribly alone and in pain and desperately need help, and love. i want to feel it, please