#there he goes!!! wheeeeeeeee!!!

[4dr3n4lin3]

???????????????????

[leejenowrld]

Umm hello 😭 this might be a bit awkward but I wanted to ask you a few questions that my mom wouldn't answer for me as a curious and clueless girl that's coming of age and basically going off into the world on her own and it seems as if ur comfortable speaking on sexual themes so I'll ask, here's goes:

a) Is it comfortable or awkward for couples to do it while having pubic hair? Is it something to be ashamed of if they do (especially asking for girls tho)?

Like I read smut (ur smut i loveeee sm 💕) often but I always wonder whether they're shaved or not. To me it seems like a forbidden topic..

b) What does it feels like to have sex for the first time like what goes down and also what it feels like overall when ur used to it (if u feel comfortable can u elaborate on positions)? 😭

I feel like it's way more..just more.. than reading about it but u describe soooo well and in detail.

c) is it wrong to have sexual thoughts as a virgin?

Like I'm jaemin biased and I also bias Eric from The boyz (cuz hes so ...🫡) guys like them just make me think 'wheeeeeeeee 🫨' (if u get it 😭).

d) I want a boyfriendddddd 😭😭

Like men are so scary to me and the guys in my town are all so ugly. But urs seems so sweet to uuu 😭 and I know that I should focus on school and not boys but gosh sometimes I really just need the comfort, feelings and touch that I can only get from a man 🤧

My dark past ig: tbh my ex situationship was a literal walking red flag he would just sit there and watch others degrade me then come and console me as if he couldn't have done anything about it, he ALWAYS talked about Megan Thee Stallion. I mean come on now Megan IS hot but bsfr I'm ur situationship, bish, would make inappropriate sex jokes around me and to me even tho we were still minors in high school, would always say "I love u" over text but never in public. Ig he thought that I was too immature for him, I mean he was 2 years older than me and 2 grades above me but its not like he was that mature either (he ALWAYS gave into peer pressure 💀). Guess that's why he was a "situationship" and not my actual bf. *sigh* (srry to dump all this on u 😭)

But anyways Soph I really love ur work and I always try to keep up as best as possible with ur new ones, i loveeeee ur writing style never stop writing (unless u get carpol tunnel syndrome or smth like that ofc) ur soooooo good at it bestie 💝☺️. I wish u nothing but the best for u and ur boyfriend and ur other loved ones byeeeee lots of love girl 🩰💕🎀🤧.

(Anddddd ur my fav Jeno stan 🥱🙈💗)

(#JUSTICEFORSEUNGHAN)

ofccc i’m happy to answer, i’m always happy to help out so if you (or anyone else) has any type of questions send them through!! <3

1) whether or not couples have pubic hair during sex is totally a personal preference, and it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or awkward. some people feel completely comfortable with it, and it doesn’t affect their experience at all, while others might prefer being shaved or trimmed for their own reasons. it’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of, especially for girls—it’s natural, and everyone’s comfort level is different. communication between partners about what makes both of them feel good and comfortable is what matters most.

i don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of. but personally, i prefer to stay as shaved and “clean” as possible because it makes me feel more comfortable and confident during sex. i just like the smoothness and the way it feels for both of us, and it’s part of what makes us feel good physically. but overall, it’s definitely up to personal preference—what really matters is what makes both partners feel comfortable, whether that’s keeping hair, trimming, or shaving. it’s all about what works best for the couple!

2) having sex for the first time is definitely different than reading about it—there’s so much more intimacy, nerves, and new sensations. for girls, the first time can feel like a mix of excitement and maybe some pressure or discomfort, as your body adjusts to something it’s not used to. the physical sensations vary—it might feel tight at first, with a lot of stretching and pressure, and the pleasure might take a little time to build. but even if the first time isn’t perfect physically, the emotional connection and the feeling of closeness can make it more meaningful. what really makes it intimate is how in tune you are with your partner, paying attention to each other’s needs, movements, and how you react to the newness of everything.

my first time wasn’t planned, and honestly, that’s what made it better. it happened naturally and suddenly—me and my boyfriend weren’t even together yet. we started making out, things got heated, and before i knew it, we were having sex. it was a really nice experience, though definitely awkward at times. i felt cared for, he made sure i was pleasured, and he knew what he was doing, which helped a lot. but we also had those moments where neither of us knew exactly what to do, like i remember being so sweaty and clumsy, accidentally hitting my head against his, against the bed frame… it was a mess in the best way possible. there were other awkward things too, like fumbling with positions and just laughing through it. but as we started having more sex, and got into a relationship, sex became one of my favorite things. we learned each other’s bodies, tried new things, and the connection deepened, making the sex even better—more intense, more natural, and honestly, just so fucking good.

as for positions, for my first time, we started with missionary, and it felt right because it gave us that closeness—lots of eye contact and connection. it was comfortable, especially since we were still figuring things out, and it felt more intimate, with him on top, guiding the pace. as we became more committed and got to know each other better, we started exploring different positions. like riding, doggy, cowgirl etc… as well as switching up locations, roleplay, lingerie, sex toys, being tied up/blindfolded/handcuffed etc etc these all really help

3) it’s not wrong at all to have sexual thoughts as a virgin. sexual curiosity and thoughts are a natural part of human development, and everyone experiences them at different times. being a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think about sex or wonder what it’s like. it’s completely normal, and many people feel the same way. what’s important is to make sure you feel comfortable with your thoughts and desires, and understand that it’s okay to explore them mentally, even if you’re not ready for physical experiences yet.

i’m really sorry to hear about your ex :( yeah it’s better that you stay away from him, he sounds like a dick and you deserve a lot better. you deserve real love and to feel like you’re the only girl in the world. the best things come in life very suddenly and unexpectedly so i promise you will fall in love and have your love story one day

and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 that means the world to me. i wonder what works do you love the liar and why? and ahhh i’m not going anywhere <3 and that is so sweet of you, i love you. i’m seeing my boyfriend later today so pray for me!! not gonna be able to walk later!!

[premakalidasi]

How different sects react to the image of Kali on Shiva:

Conservative Brahmin pundit: See? She is ASHAMED. Shiva is, in fact, being a good husband in that he's CONTROLLING her. RITUAL ORDER has been established! *Samadhis from moral superiority*

Shaiva: Shambhu really is awesome. Here, he is calmly observing his messenger doing his bidding as his energy of Destruction.

Sadhu: *15-second bong rip* I feel that.

Western yoga teacher: Here, don't bogart that bong. I do remember writing about this imagery in detail in my latest book. Have you read it yet? It's included in the price of this crystal workshop I'm hosting later this month.

Vaishnava: *Shudder of indignation* Urgh. Disgusting! At least when Krishna went to war, it was JUST, and not so frightfully gory. Besides, he looked a lot prettier. Thus spake verse 8636, stanza 9 of the--

Buddhist: *Smugly blissful smile* It's all bullshit, just like everything in this illusion that we think of as Existence. But at least this image is a good depiction of the level of crazy that we, deludedly, think goes on in this bullshit.

Brahmo: Bullshit is about right. We can reach enlightenment without this primitive nonsense, thankyouverymuch.

Hindu biologist: Excuse YOU, but as the ancient science of Ayurveda will tell you, the excrement of a bovine is sacred and contains chemicals that actively fight diabetes and cancer. In fact, I wrote a paper on this very subject in--

Jyotish astrologer: Anyway, back to the secret messages encoded in the subtle yantras hidden within this image, which I can unlock for you, if you just call my WhatsApp number. Give me your birth star and rs. 50 000.- I will do a puja that will put you in Shiva's consciousness immediately!

Bhakta: WHEEEEEEEEE

Shakta: Yes, yes, yes! Isn't she wonderful? Shiva here has the best, VIP seat from which to enjoy the dance of the Universe herself!

Tantric: Heh. No knickers.

[theiloveyousong]

olive listens to the second act of falsettos for the first ever time on a plane very tired and slightly loopy: a liveblog (ish)

my not entertaining, very pathetic thoughts on falsettos. not proofread or edited for typos. read at your own risk.

okay before we begin let me preface by saying im finally just taking a bit to just LISTWN to this shit and trinas song emotionally destoryed me okay. okay

why is the first line just homosexuals. i mean yeah but still

oh this goes

weirdly happy though isnt this guy gonna die

BAR MITZVAH

YABADAVA THE EIGHTIES

ooh speed mode march of the falsettos

the lesbians!!

of course shes a shiksa

WHEEEEEEEEE! WOOOOOOO!

this gooooooes

oh its marvin

“two years” are you NORMAL now

good for trina

ezcept on tje jewish holidays

WHAT NO WHIZZER???

bring him back

HOMOSEXUALS

i wanna go to falsettoland except not really cuz ot would probs suck

yeah. grow tje fuck up

MARVIN. PLEASE.

wait how is he twelve and a half i had my bat mitzvah three months after turning 13

elaborate william finn.

jason stoooop butchering the hebrew. stooooop

im gonna give him a pass simply because ive heard worse

aww the tallit belssing. i think

WALKERMAN

“the last loving thinfh we’llprobably ever do together” noooo youre so emotionally intriguing aha

the whole things WHAT now man who i think matbe js whizzer but i cant tel marvin snd whizzer apart very well is that bad

good for fucking jason

this is my mom literally

hes gonna be a jewish adult

i cant tell wahts gping on (too zzzy)

omg a lesbian

“nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine” cordelia i love you but please do not do this. just have fucjing bagels you cant go weong with bagels

CONGA

so proud pf jason

i am NOT dxcited for when my brother starts bar mitzvah prep

this song is titled miracle of judaism it has to be good

oh hes being a little straightboy

invite none of them just be a frienless loser like i was lamoo

no i had like four people there

you are TWELVE. DUDE.

you’re not swinging a goth gf you are TWELVE YEARS OLD

oooh baseball

ooooh JEWOSH baseball

same maevin

marvin stop calling your sona pussy

oh eitght its the Eighties

jason cannot play baseball

baseball ⚾️ ooh empji ⚽️ 🏀 🏈

WHIZZER

go off trina. love her

of course he love sbaseball

the lesbians are silly

oh my god. middle aged man core. hes so fjcking pathetic

jason *not 2 fiture penny put photo of cat kn box head here. no service on this plane*

even bald he looks good

stop thinking about your gay love and focus on your fucking sun. loser

i would love to watch jason play badebll (loe?

h

me when i hit the ball

this bitch gets SIX parents at hsi baseball games and my brother gets my mom and me not paying attention because soccer is boring as sbit sorry soccer lovers who also follow penny dimeshee on timblr pkay im rabong RAMBING

me when im in falsettoland

mendel is so bad at his job

this bitch sucks ass.

disgrace to the name of caroline fr caroline abbott would NEVER do such a thing

reagan and pagan as a rhyme ks genius

STOP SLEEPING WORH YOUR BOSS?!??

trina. thag is NOT how you prnounce it

sorry what.

just qhitnyour FFUCKIGN job. you cant do it anyway 😊☺️☺️

god i love ❤️ emojis

wbat a shock marvins back with whizzer

trina be normal please 🙏 i love you

trina calm your shit

yeah why CANT u let goe

as spon as they said that i know everytknhg not gonna be alright

i watched like half of a short clip of this from tje tonies and then went to bed becaus eit was like ten pm and i sleep early because i am a loser if any lf you compare me to bakugo my hero academia i will actually cry anyway the clip was good they were #exercising wby dod i go pn thos tangent

charlotte!!!!!!!!

me when i stick a lightbulb up my ass

okay shes being self important

aww

was that the first eff bomb

what aee they laying

whizzer my man marvin has matured stip raggingi kn him!!!!!!!!!’

god

i cant see anything out this plane window its like 10 pm. past my bedtime

OOH i lvoe me a good musical motif

anyone here watchind minions the rise of gru and know what the FUUCK goes on in it my brothers watcing jt and im so confused

THAGS NOT. WOAAAAAAH

HE DID MATURE!!!!!!!!!!!! “i want it all” “all i want is you” CHARACTER DEVEIPMENT GO OFFFFFF!! i want to write an essay about this man

they gave us quinoa chocolace crunches on the plane

theyre in the coty? damn i would jot think that. they feel like sone sort of pseudo-idyllic suburban lifestyle bitches

REPEATED LYRICS. AHHHHHHHH

Damn this shit is long

this sonf is incorrect i do not hate my parents

thag wasnt funny

jadon. honey. you are so lucky your parendes dotn involve you in bar mitzvah prep. do you want to pick out tablecloth swatches

jaosn i feel like you’re misunderstanding the purpace of the bar mitzvab

what kinda a name ks apple bum

SAUL

better call sa- he WHAT???? HWTA????? HIH????? WH?????? REELING

HE HAS PAITBJNGD OF WHAT NOW???????????????????????

matbe i should have done this while lucid

gonna take a wuick pause sk i can play shitty united app games

okay i got a high score of 0. om back

HE DOESNT yeah i thoight that

what the fuck was that mendel is thag ilatian. we are JEWISH. why did you top it off with dayeinu.

i did bate my paewnts at 12

jason dont you want to be counted in a minyan….

it is not in the torah

god did not say thag

sigh

jason do the fuckingn bar mitzvah.

HELP

even ykkur wife knows you cand do your hob correctly mendel…

one hour left onthe flogh ti can do this

can mtbrother turn his screen birghtness fown

sorry marvinim sore your love os wuite sweet but im gonan catch about four min of sbuteye

“try to stay both kind and young” okah thats powerful

okay marvin. good love ballad.

OH NO.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO

“something so bad that words have lost their meaning”

whizzer soumds so tired

MARVIN. god i love him

everything is not gonna be alright

oh and now trjnas gonna make me sob

YEAH. 🤧😿

i have things to say about the repetition of everything will be alright and they will be said. eventually

“hahaha… not funny… okay”

gonna bawl my eyes out

“gefiltee fish” “gefilte fish?”

i need to watch this on stage

god he’s just a KID!!!

im not crying you’re crying

the fucking. camaderie.

i am crying on the plane and im trying not to be weird about it

JASON.

heart breaking

i am getting tje implications here bit the thing is i dont like the implications

ive heard this song on character playlists o think

points i SAW THAG LYRIC IN A COMPARISON TO WOE IS ME!!!

i just know jason bar mitzvahs gonna kill me

he brought tje prayer shawl!!

yeah this si. augh. making the best out of a horrible situation <333

would this ever work logistically? no. where is the rabbi? where is the torsh? but emotionally? i am crying my eyes out as i drscend over salt lake city utsh and im not even ahsmwed

MARVIN. GOD. im a marvin fan now not ashamed

they are NOT doing this bar mitzvah right

thats not an actual parshah. or actual trope. i need to stop pointing out inconsisternces

🤧🤧🤧 MARVIIIIIIIN.

ID LIKERO BELIEVE THAT ID DO OT AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN:(

waiteajtwait dont they say that thing in this has better come to a stop. OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

like wine

WERE JUST GONNA SKIP THAT STAGE.

there ar no word sor emojis that can express th e utter fucking heartbreak im going through rn

OH GOD ITS OVER.

PLEASE. PLEASE. PYU CANT DO THIS TO ME.

A REPRISE??? AS A FUCKING FINALE????

whoo boy.

—

hi its airport olive. thanks for getting this far! if you read this all you’re now legally obligated to marry me!

[xx-obliviousfantasy-xx]

My pipeline was pretty basic. Nothing serious

It was like "Haha I'm cishet but online I'm androgenous bc I think it would be funny to make ppl confused about my gender while staying safe online 👍." (I didn't know what transgender was or being gay outside of knowing it was an insult) (some kids may have clocked I was gay before I did tho bc of the frequent use of it towards me. Crazy)

To "Haha I'm gonna roleplay as being gay for the plot" (I still dunno what being gay is rlly.)

"wait...wait no wait I actually...like this girl outside of roleplay. Am I...gay????" (I end up believing I may be a lesbian.)

"Oh wait no...wait...AM I BI? NO WAIT AM I PAN?" (I AM STILL NOT TELLING PPL MY GENDER.)

"Wait... something... something is weird about me...am I ace? Also I'm bi now" (I very briefly take on the lithromantic label after I gave it to the same trans guy character.)

"WOAH WAIT MY FRIEND FROM SCHOOL WHO INTRODUCED ME TO THE CONCEPT OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY IS TRANS? THATS SO COOL w a i t...am I..? Nah" (Questioning to not)

(Important note, I made a character who's a trans guy and fixated on him hard for several years and roleplayed as him a lot. I felt very connected to him for some reason.)

"Wait no I can't be ace haha. Also I'm pan now"

"WAIT MY PARTNER IS NONBINARY?!! THATS CRAZY!!! ...Am I also non-binary?? Haha nah. Can't be."

"Wait...no I'm definitely ace...but...also I think I'm bi??? Again?"

"...I think I'm aroace guys. NAAAAH. Nah nah. Just ace!!" (I've started wearing multiple bras to compress my boobs and I hide myself in hoodies and baggy pants when possible bc #1 I'm ashamed of my body for multiple reasons. But #2 I'm also trying to see if I feel any better from it.)

"OH MY GOD...GUYS I THINK IM TRANS!!! WAIT... OH...OH MY GOD. ???" (I switch from they/them pronouns to he/him to he/they :D Still weird about neopronouns unfortunately) (I say I'm Nonbinary, Genderfluid, Demigender, Neutrois. I settle on Agender.)

[Fast forward flopping between bi/pan labels and firmly cemented in my asexuality and embarrassing Kalvin Garrah years]

"Haha am I Nonbinary? ...nah" (Literally my nonbinary teacher had most definitely clocked me but I'm in denial) (I've literally made a nonbinary character who I continue to write about constantly and even have them come out to characters modeled after my friends.)

[It's a year later. We've now hit the pandemic.]

"...Guys I think I'm aro...no I'm not...yes I am. No???? I'm confused WAIT AM I NOT ACE EITHER? No actually I definitely am. I might be a lesbian tho. No NVM." (like 3 years. Straight) (Specifically Demi-Ace to GrayAce pipeline. Malisian is also a label I take.)

"HAHA IM QUEER AND NOTHING MATTERS!!!" (I stop thinking about it too much.)

Literally 19 days ago: *WAKES UP IN A COLD SWEAT* "I might be demiromantic guys." *goes back to sleep*

Now: "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'M QUEER" (I still don't think about it as much anymore. I use a variety of pronouns. I am probably aspec. Definitely genderqueer.)

LGBTQ+ folk what was your gender/sexuality pipeline?

[ellievickstar]

Climbing Out (Chapter 2)

A/N: Hellooo this is more of a filler chapter cause there are still introductions but when she meets Azriel I’ll tell you her heart goes wheeeeeeeee (At least I hope so…who’s down for enemies to lovers)

Ship: Azriel x Reader, archeron!reader

Official Masterlist

Climbing Out Masterlist

Requested? No. Inspired? Yes! This series is inspired by Just Another Stereotype but the storyline is slightly different.

The two months has officially confirmed it.

I hate Tamlin. Like honestly if there was a whole line of people waiting to kill him in another universe then I would escort my happy ass in line. Why you may ask? He. Locked. Her. In. That. House. That god forsaken flowered-filled house and he made her go insane.

No one, and I repeat no one, will hurt her like that and I don’t care if it takes me a Millenia I will find a way to destroy him piece by piece before I cut his fingers off one by one and shove them down his throat.

“You know, if you are making plans to murder someone you should do it when your shield is up,” Rhysand drawled from the couch. My face heated. “How is she?” I asked, concern laced my voice.

“She’s fine. She’ll wake up, her nerves just kicked in, you however handled the situation very well — why is that?” I just shook my head. Dismissing him, pushing back the memories that screamed at me to break.

But I needed somewhere private, not in front of him, not here, not now. I just twirled light in my hand again, images of my first kill, Feyre and I dancing together in our large manor, laughing together when we were out hunting.

Rhysand’s eyes flickered. “You should tell her, that she’s your mate,” I said simply. He raised his eyebrows in mock confusion. “Please, I know that you found out the day you left suddenly, I wasn’t sure at first, but when you whisked us away during her wedding, you could not have made it more obvious. I’m just asking you to tell her, not now but when she’s better, don’t hurt her,” The light in my hand vanished, replacing it was flame and ice. Proving my point. The light in his eyes guttered to show a flicker of understanding — message received.

Once Feyre had awoken I let her decide if we were to go back, I was hoping she wouldn’t choose to go back to Tamlin. Cauldron knows if I could restrain myself from killing the male. However, when Rhysand was about to leave, she almost begged him to take us with him. He agreed, surprisingly.

I snapped my fingers and changed into a long sleeved dress with a plain neckline, the waist was embroiled with stairs and moons as the pattern followed down along the side of the skirt, the dress itself reached down to my ankles. It was long but the dress was simple and light, no layers or corsets, just a plain semi-formal and casual dress.

We had arrived to House of Wind with the other two Illyrian warriors we met along the way. Cassian, general of Rhysand’s armies and my new favourite friend, and Azriel. He was a prick. They had both come and Azriel had had the pleasure of carrying me.

The asshole tried to drop me when we were at least thousands of feet above ground. However, every time I glared at him I seemed to notice something different about him. How his lips twitched sometimes at his brother’s jokes or how his jaw clenched when straining against the wind. It made him look handsome. Stupid, stupid brain, you should hate him. But somehow I didn’t. I couldn’t.

A few reasons I should hate him was because he looked like an emotionless prick. The second was that he tried to drop me. And third, he was stupidly good-looking at from what I knew, that never ended well. I mean, he could have any female in all of Velaris and he would never settle for me, right?

At least that’s what I told myself. So I acted like I hated him, snide comments, jabs. Even when we were planning to retrieve the book of breathings. The only time I ever agreed with him was when Rhysand wanted to send Feyre to that damned Weaver’s home. So I decided to go with her. We barely made it out alive. Thanks to Feyre’s quick thinking she threw the flame at The Weaver, I had made the flames spread as much as I could before racing up the chimney. Using the bricks was fun when I could see it slam into her face. And when we got home…

There was worry in the shadow singer’s eyes, for Feyre I assumed. Cassian and Amren barely paid attention to me. How could they? I wasn’t their High Lord’s mate, I was just another female. There was nothing special about me. Not like Feyre who had turned twenty while I was only going to turn eighteen during Nynsar.

I wondered about the irony of it. Feyre had been born during the Winter Solstice and I had been born during Nynsar. That was fun to celebrate, Feyre chasing after her loved one while I sang to myself and the shadows.

My father used to say that my birthday was a curse, that I had been a mistake but the shadows always felt like they whispered differently. Time raced by faster then I realised and Nynsar was coming, or well, Starfall. With the blood rubies and everything, the two mate were occupied with brooding. I was praying that Rhys would take an opportunity to tell Feyre about the mating bond.

Shying away from the rest who were getting drunk or in Feyre and Rhys’s case, flirting, I decided to slip away to one of the balconies. The stars danced across the sky and I let loose of my power as a circle of flame, ice, night and light encircled me.

Shadows crept up my bodice whispering songs and dancing. I giggled as I twirled around to their beat, spinning around occasionally since I couldn’t dance to save my life. I summoned my violin as I decided to play my favourite songs and melodies.

A chuckle sounded from behind me and in a flash the violin in my hands became daggers and I flipped them in my palm as I pointed them at the unknown person. Azriel. My shadows curled around my palm, swirling around the knife. I pulled them back. Azriel looked torn between looking at the knife I had angled to his throat and looking at my shadows, the elements I had previously surrounded myself with was gone, nothing but air.

“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you,” He commanded. But the sheer authority in his voice, that command that was so loud.

My grip on the knife tightened as the memories came flooding in. No, I couldn’t break now, I had gone so long without a break down. My vision blurred and as Azriel stepped forward I backed away in fear, my mind bringing me back to those days where I could do nothing as I was hit again ana again as I was backed into a corner-

Breathe! Someone was screaming at me. Breathe! It yelled. I tried to take in a breathe but it became a choked sob. Strong hands gripped me as I shrieked and wailed like a helpless little girl. “Let me go, please let me go, please stop!” I cried as I hit the arms of the unknown male. I knew him, Azriel yet he was so foreign to me. Then a second pair of arms gripped my shoulders.

“Breathe,” His violet eyes shone as he stared into my tear-filled vision. My lungs were forced to expand slowly and contract. I breathed in deep breathes as I tried to fight off the memories, the dreadful feelings.

As my vision cleared I saw Feyre standing in the corner, her gaze burned into me as she looked stunned. Mor was kneeling next to me as Rhys was holding my shoulders, steadying me.

“I- I’m s-sorry,” I hiccuped as I tried to hold in my tears. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. “I should’ve have snapped like that I wasn’t meant to-,” “Who hurt you,” Mor asked. My eyes widened as I glanced at Rhysand but he said nothing, to was my choice. I shook my head. I did not want to say anything. But I smiled at Feyre.

“Brilliant birthday am I right?” She grimaced. “It’s not-,” “My birthday is technically on Nynsar also known as Starfall,” She didn’t remember. How could she, it’s not like I was important or vital to anything. I let out a low humourless laugh. Feyre tried to apologise but I stopped her. I didn’t want to hear empty apologies and promises. So I stood and walked back to my room.

tag list: @moonfawnx @bankerfrog @younxii @starlit-terror  @hideing @flightlesslittlebirdie  @menagerofmischief @famousbasementpainter @owllover123 @bookworm-nerd6  @gigisssz @bethany-bee0128  @cityofidek  @aetherl0l @valeridarkness @starrstrucked

[damienthepious]

i come bearing rilla feelings and arum/damien silliness. wheeeeeEEEE

Knight of the Swamp (chapter 10)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ch 5] [ch 6] [ch 7] [ch 8] [ch 9] [ao3] [ch 11] [ch 12] [ch 13]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum & The Keep, Sir Damien & The Keep, Rilla & The Keep

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla, Lord Arum, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, (some characters tagged will not appear until later chapters!), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, (for rilla&damien), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, (for R&D and Arum), Dueling, Fealty Dynamics, Pre-Canon AND Alt-Canon at the same time!! fun!!!, Mira is not Queen yet, Power Imbalance, (in the arum/damien dynamic at least. rilla ain’t having it)

Summary: Perhaps the King should have known better than to force Sir Damien to choose between his heart and his oaths.

Chapter Summary: Rilla feels homesick, and Arum shows Damien a bit of his territory.

Chapter Notes: worked six days in a row with yesterday as the last of it, and i am so VERY tired, so hopefully this still reads well! please enjoy these ridiculous flowers..... please enjoy them.... T~T (See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

~

Rilla brought enough components and equipment with her to be able to put together some smaller, more familiar mixtures. Which is good, because she knows full well that Marc will be running out of his medicine in the next few weeks.

(They were due for a visit. Rilla feels- disappointed, maybe, that this mess happened before-)

She pulls out everything she needs in her and Damien's new room, arranging her materials on the flat work surface that the Keep grows out of the floor for her without even needing to be asked. She's made this same mixture probably hundreds of times, by now, so she doesn't need to think particularly hard about the process as she goes. That's mostly good, because Rilla has plenty of other things to think about, now that she's rested and she feels at least reasonably secure. It's less good in that while she's mixing medicine for Marc, she can't exactly help but think about him and Talfryn, about their mother, about how worried they'll be-

(Will they believe that she's been doing witchcraft? Will their mother be- disappointed?)

She doesn't write a personal note, an explanation, to accompany the medicine. She only labels the vial carefully before she affixes it to the harness across the her pigeon's back (she takes a moment to be grateful, that his pills are so small), and then she carefully, methodically writes out a set of instructions for replicating her work.

She knows she's probably not going to be able to keep up any sort of correspondence with Marc and Tal. Not if she wants to keep them safe, at least. The last thing Marc needs, if he really wants to be a knight, is a connection to a supposed witch, anyway. Anyone could mix the right medicine for Marc, if they're willing to get the proper ingredients. She frowns at that thought, and makes a small note next to the numb-cap to the tune of may need to be personally sourced. Everything else would be in any other doctor's toolkit, she thinks.

She slips the formula in the little case around the vial of medicine, and then she sighs and strokes a finger down the pigeon's breast, ruffling feathers while the bird coos quietly.

It's such a pretty thing, honestly. Cloudy white with that little ruff around its neck, feathers over its feet, its beak a delicate coral pink... obviously from the royal aviary, originally, though Rilla didn't have a clue of that when she first found the thing, ragged and injured in an abandoned snare in the jungle. It was her first patient, in a way. Before her reputation as an Exile softened enough for anyone from the Citadel to visit her newly-built hut.

(She assumes that Damien will find a way to be her first patient in this new Exile, unless her own ankle counts.)

The Keep shows her to a window, when she asks. Unlike Lord Arum (she buries an urge to roll he eyes), the big plant monster doesn't seem to delight in arguing for the sake of stubbornness. If anything, it seems to delight in being helpful.

She lifts the pigeon at the sill, biting her lip, and she-

She's going to miss them. She's going to miss them so much, and- she didn't even get to say goodbye, this time.

Rilla inhales sharply, pretends not to notice the shake on the exhale, and then she lets the bird go.

From this height, against the green and plum and brown of the swamp, the clean white of her pigeon's feathers means that Rilla can watch the whole time as it sweeps south, a fluttering point so bright she can see it nearly to the horizon.

~

It should be substantially easier to appreciate the deep beauty of the swamp, now that Damien need not feel in desperate danger, now that he need not fear for his own, and, more importantly, Rilla's life. It should be easier, as well, now that he is not sleeping through his days and attempting travel only in the dark obscuration of night.

However-

The Lord of the Swamp in accompaniment is something of a distraction, from that beauty.

He is quick, fleet of foot even among gnarled roots and patches of mud that leave Damien scrambling in his wake, and when the ground beneath them is too unsteady for maneuvering by foot, he darts up, clawed toes catching on the trunks of trees and his strong, clever arms gripping the branches above to swing himself forward, tail swinging and flicking for balance like a cat as he moves.

Damien manages to keep up, but only barely, and the pace hardly allows him to truly see the swamp.

"Is this-" Damien pauses to suck in a breath as he jumps over a wet patch he suspects of being a sinkhole, and then he grits his teeth as he watches the monster's shoulders hunch, as if he may have forgotten Damien in his wake entirely. "I thought, my Lord, that you intended to show me your swamp-"

"I am," the monster snaps, not looking back. "This is my swamp, you are within it, pay attention."

"Forgive me, my lord-"

"You do not need to do that."

"But-" Damien blinks, vaulting over a fallen tree to try to keep pace. "But my- my dedication to-"

"To my swamp, little knight. I do not want to hear you twist your tongue to humor my title despite my monstrousness when you so clearly begrudge it. I know how knights of the Citadel - formerly of the Citadel," he diverts sardonically, "oh forgive me - I know how they think. Anything with a speck of magic within it will seem like some sort of affront to you. I am not so foolish as to think you might be capable of setting that distaste aside quite literally overnight."

"But my past should not exclude me from proper formality of address-"

The monster snorts a laugh. "I told you, honeysuckle, that this knighthood may not share the same shape as your previous one. Do you think the Keep cares about the formal trappings of your language?"

"Er- no, no I suppose- I suppose not, but you-"

"I don't care what you call me," Arum mutters. "So long as you are not mocking me."

"Mocking! No, oh, certainly not, I would not dare to-"

Damien stumbles, skidding on a patch of wet leaves and then catching his other ankle painfully on a root, and Lord Arum spins, three arms lifting and and catching Damien before he can fall fully to the dirt. Damien pants hard, clinging to one of the lizard's arms and staring, wide-eyed with surprise, up into the face of-

Of a monster who looks nearly as surprised as Damien feels.

Arum's jaw works for a moment, his frill framing his face in an iridescent halo as his hands flex awkwardly against Damien's back and shoulder and neck, sturdy and careful.

"Arum," Damien breathes. "I-"

The monster swallows, lifting Damien back to upright with his hands still very careful before he releases Damien from his grip, tucking all of his arms beneath his cape and scowling viciously.

"Be careful, you absurd little creature," he snarls. "How do you expect to serve this swamp if you cannot even traverse it?"

"I- I apologize, my lo- er, Lord Arum," Damien manages, his stomach curling with embarrassment and something else he cannot place. "But- but I tried to ask to- to slow-"

"I will not change how I walk for your scrambling human clumsiness."

"But- but Lord Arum-"

"Either keep up or go back and whine the day away with your doctor until the Keep takes pity enough to continue to coo over you-"

"You agreed to show me the swamp!" Damien snaps, adrenaline and frustration colliding. "This isn't- you are deliberately dragging me along behind you like a beast on a leash and allowing me to gain nothing, no better understanding of your home and no greater ability to travel it safely, no greater familiarity with that which I am promised to protect- you agreed to this arrangement, Lord Arum, you and your Keep, and your irritable mood will not make that untrue. You aren't going to lose me out here in the swamp, because certainly your Keep would disapprove, and would bring me back to you, so perhaps you should slow down and simply walk with me as if you have any actual intent to allow me to be your knight!"

The monster glowers at him for a long moment, his tail flicking and his lip curled to show a hint of teeth, and then he tilts his head, his violet eyes glittering oddly.

"Hm," he says, slow and thoughtful. "Yes."

Damien blinks. "Y-yes?"

"That was the most honest you have been with me since our duel," Arum rumbles, stepping a little closer as Damien flushes, leaning down and pressing into Damien's space as he takes a half-step back in automatic response. "No demurring, no flattery and false fawning, no more pretending that your spine had abandoned you. I find that I prefer my knights with a bit of bite, Sir Damien." The monster breaks eye contact, then, and Damien feels as if he has been released of some spell, the stiffness of his muscles easing at the lack of Arum's close attention. "Yes. Come, then. There is a path the swamp deer made just to the east, and that should be easier on your feet. Follow."

Damien watches the monster turn, sweeping away easily with his cape billowing behind him like a banner, apparently unconcerned again, and then he shakes his head and bolts to follow, though the lizard moves slower, now, allowing for Damien to more easily keep pace.

"I-" Damien swallows against the urge to apologize, certain that the monster will only be further irritated if Damien walks back his own outburst. Lord Arum's priorities... monsters are baffling creatures. "That's what it took," he says instead, dubious, "for you to acknowledge me. You wanted me to argue with you."

It is difficult to see, with Arum walking ahead, but Damien thinks that the lizard's mouth curls, just slightly, into a smile, though he only gives a noncommittal hum.

"You did not seem quite so pleased to argue with Rilla over our breakfast," Damien muses, and then the monster actually laughs, though quiet and under his breath.

"That was a different matter," the monster mutters, moving a branch aside and waiting for Damien to pass beneath before he releases it.

Damien waits, allowing Arum to start to lead again, but the monster does not seem keen to elaborate why, exactly, that argument was different from his prodding Damien to irritation.

"If you knew anyone from my past, Lord Arum, you would know that it is a rarity that I must be forced to speak my h- my mind."

"With humans, perhaps," Arum grumbles, not sounding particularly irritable about it.

The monster falls silent for a time after that, and rather quickly they find the hoof-flattened path that Arum mentioned. There is no cause to scramble and rush, then, and Arum- slows his pace further, the infuriating creature, as if he had not been half-racing the both of them through the swamp for the better part of the last quarter hour. Which leaves Damien-

If he needs not pay so much attention to his footing, Damien can allow his eyes to explore the swamp and its Lord, as he wished to do in the first place.

It is beautiful in quite a different way from the tamer jungle which surrounds the Citadel. More dangerous, of course - Rilla and his knighthood trained him well enough in recognizing poisonous and magical flora, respectively - and grown wild and unruly beyond the narrow tamped-down path down which Arum leads, but-

The heat hazes the air, and the trill surrounds them of insects and other creatures hidden in the underbrush and the canopy, apparently undisturbed by the passing of their lord. The flora intermittently glows with some internal light, patches of massive flowers that Damien suspects must be a part of the structure of the Keep in some way, perhaps cast-off seeds from the enormous floral tower, or perhaps vines trailing out from the center, or perhaps upgrowth from some vast network of roots beneath their feet. Brightly colored birds flit between the branches above so quickly and deftly that Damien can only hear their fleeting songs and see their jewel tones, and not any detail of their shape or species.

Water surrounds, seeping between roots, puddles and ponds and slow-running streams, reflecting the narrow trees and doubling the swamp to Damien's eyes in strange, disorienting shapes.

Water surrounds. And though most of it is still and serene, Damien still feels that sympathetic rhythm at his own center, the push and the pull of the Tranquil waves of his Saint.

It is...

He thinks, not for the first time, that it may not be all that difficult, to reconcile himself to the protection of such a place.

The path leads them beside a larger pond, perhaps a very small lake, dotted with waterfowl on the opposite bank and framed with reeds which drift lazily in the gentle breeze, and the break in the canopy allows a touch of sunlight to finally slip through, warming Damien and dappling Lord Arum's scales in vivid saturation, shimmering iridescent like the scales of a beetle, the violet of his eyes accentuated as his pupils narrow to slits against the light.

Arum slows, then stills at the bank. He stares out over the water, his arms folded behind his back, and Damien endeavors to watch the water as well, rather than the monster. The effort is... surprisingly difficult.

"It is rather peaceful, here," Damien says, his voice perhaps as low as a whisper in the effort to match the calm of the scene before him, and the monster hums gently in response. "I was not expecting that, to be entirely honest."

"It has not always been," Arum admits. "It will not always be. Anyone who seeks to encroach on the territory of my Keep is an abject fool, of course, but- the world is full of fools, both monster and human. My Keep and I have fought off plenty of them, and my predecessors before me fought off countless more. Curses, sieges, assassination attempts..."

Damien thinks-

Alone?

The Keep and its Lord, defending alone against that which the Citadel requires scores of knights to combat-

"Who-" Damien pauses. "I believe... if you would, Lord Arum, I believe I still had... one question, as agreed?"

The monster half turns towards him, the sunlight glancing in shimmering oilslick patterns off of his scales as he catches Damien's eye sidelong. Arum opens his mouth, and then he pauses, frowning gently as he recognizes the truth of Damien's words. "Ah. Hm. I suppose that you... yes. Your doctor managed to monopolize my time, this morning, but- go on, then, if you have your third question."

"You make it sound as if it has only been yourself and your Keep, here, defending and protecting your swamp, before Rilla and I arrived. So who... who was it, then, that taught you combat? You were not unskilled in combat, and not only for the swiftness of your movements, but- how did you come to learn to fight?"

Arum blinks, his expression softening in something like surprise, and then he huffs out a breath before he turns away from Damien, looking back out across the water.

"I taught myself, first," he says simply. "Forms and exercises I could learn from scrolls and relentless practice, when I was a hatchling, and there were some limited memories my Keep could impart to me, but- much of my learning, honeysuckle, came by necessity." He stares forward, his shoulders relaxed and his snout raised almost defiantly. "The Universe taught me to fight."

Damien exhales slowly, the rhythm at his center pulsing again, because-

Well.

He knows, of course, precisely what the monster means. Damien learned to fight, perhaps against the inclination of his own nature, because if he had failed to do so, he would not have survived at all.

Worrisome, Damien thinks, to find yet another point of affinity between himself and the monster.

"I would say, Lord Arum, that you learned quite well."

Arum huffs again, but something about the way his frill twitches halfway open at the compliment makes Damien think that the monster believes him, regardless.

Damien glances down, catching the hazy reflection of his own face in the calm, muddy waters at his feet.

"Though... I am sorry, I think, that you needed to."

~

End Notes: The section with Rilla is not how carrier pigeons work. however, i'm pretty sure i have evidence that this is how bird messages work IN UNIVERSE, considering that Caroline sends Mira a message with a pigeon that ostensibly never left Vivian's hut before, so i'm basically fine with it. That's just how avian messaging goes, in the northern wilds!! it's chillllllllll

[tmmyhug]

*ranboo voice* there he goes!!

wheeeeeeeee

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

he goes WHEEEEEEEEE (*hellish disaster noises*)(*screaming*)

gingerhastoomanyobsessions here and. goes 👉👈. i see ur going thru my old j&h posts and I want to apologize on behalf of 14-15 yr old me in the really old posts </3 they had some ice cold rancid takes

it’s fine I don’t care my 15 year old self’s takes were also sub zero and very stinky… I forgive you for you are my friend and my mutual in arms… now let’s go spin Hyde in a salad spinner 💚together

[cheylouwho]

I watch the Damien episode I laugh when it show the part when Craig was blowing away by the wind while he still keep his straight face 😂.

wheeeeeeeee off he goes

[belieffont]

*Grabs Snugs and YEETS him into the air*

And there he goes into the air.

🌟WHEEEEEEEEE!”

Here’s to hoping that the child has a soft landing. Or maybe he’ll land in a tree?

[lovesick-feelin]

McKirk - Secret Agents (for the headcanons)

y’all (im making this up i know jack shit about espionago whoops) ((shit this is long))

so Leonard McCoy is the battle-hardened vet at 30 – his wife Jocelyn turned out to be a double agent and the betrayal was enough to cause him to spiral into drinking

my man Leo has seen it all: car chases, leaping out of burning buildings, you name it. He has practically lived all five Mission: Impossible movies.

He’s code named “Bones” because one time an enemy was taunting him and being evil and shit and Bones literally didn’t blink an eye but he stomped on the guy’s shin and snapped his femur clean in half it was pretty badass

and then when they had the guy captured he offered to help fix it up because he has medical background and “i didn’t wanna hurt you that much, you were just being stupid” and he just had this reputation of being nice sometimes? but also terrifying, everyone was scared of him

so yeah anyway Bones is having a great time being retired and drinking himself into oblivion when he gets a call from his old boss, Pike

Pike says to him, “Look, I know you’re probably having a great time with your bourbon or whatever but we need you to come in and help this kid”

and Bones is like “What the fuck what kid” and that’s when Pike tells him about Jim Kirk

Jim is in his mid-twenties and he’s a fucking mess

His dad is famous around the agency for sacrificing himself to save the other members of his team in a do-or-die mission; he defused a bunch of bombs and mass weapons and stayed behind to get an injured member of his team out and then was killed in action. He’s a big hero. Jim hates it.

But Jim always had a punching bag growing up and could hold his won against  bullies and always had a sort of righteousness and felt the need to stick up for the little guy. He was pretty reckless

and Pike finds him after high school bar tending and doing odd jobs at 22 years old, and he tells him “I’ve seen what you’ve got and I think you’re right for the agency,” and basically dares him to be a bigger hero than his dad, and Jim agrees mostly because he’s got nothing better to do, but secretly he’s curious and he’s got a bit of a martyr complex

so they train him and Pike is right, he’s well-suited to the world of espionage, and he’s really, really good

He’s also super, super reckless.

He pulls ridiculous gambles. He takes really stupid chances. He holds everything in the balance on one-in-a-million plans and either gets away with it because he’s really smart or because of sheer dumb luck

regardless, it’s pissing Pike off and the kid is gonna get himself killed

So, he calls in Bones. Pike has a notion the two would be good partners. “You’ll keep each other in check,” he says. Bones grudgingly agrees and comes in to meet Jim.

And he’s expecting a buff, macho Action Hero type but instead he gets Jim with his bright blue eyes and split knuckles and nonchalant, slightly self-destructive sense of humor, and it’s not at all what he was expecting

Surprisingly enough for everyone, the two take a liking to each other, and they go on a few test missions together and spar and learn about each other

and Bones is super grumpy and says “damnit” more than anyone Jim’s ever met, but Jim can see he’s got soft spots; and Jim is ridiculously flirty and grossly overconfident, but Bones sees right through it and he knows Jim has self-esteem issues and a troubled past

and they get the deep stuff out of each other and there are tears and more hugging than Bones (or Jim) would like to admit and basically by the time they get through the training phase they’re really, really close

and then pike approaches with a mission and says “Okay we need you two for this because you’re the best we’ve got” and they both agree

there’s an intel-gathering mission and a take-out operation [are those real words???] and a few days later they fly off to somewhere in europe to do spy things and gather information

they’re holed up in a little apartment with one room to avoid suspicion as they do their spy shit

and there’s one fucking bed [author’s note: bear with me im garbage for bed sharing] and Jim of all people looks a little flustered and insists on taking the gross couch and Bones is like “damnit that’s ridiculous why on earth we’re sharing the damn bed no more questions” and bones is like why was he all flustered??? and jim is just confused in general

usually they’re really good at reading people because, you know, they’re spies, but NEITHER OF THEM SEES WHAT IS STARTING TO HAPPEN

so they share a bed while they’re gathering intel for the big operation, and they always start out on their own sides of the bed and wake up curled up together in some sort of  way and no one ever says anything about it

and then one night Jim has his first nightmare since becoming Bones’ partner on the mission, and Bones wakes up because Jim is whimpering and shaking and crying and it shatters Bones to the core

and he shakes Jim awake and wipes the tears away and whispers “It’s okay, Jim, you’re safe, I’m here” and Jim buries himself in Bones’ chest, and Bones wraps his arms around him and rocks the two of them back and forth until they both end up falling asleep like that

And it happens a few more times, and one time it happens with Bones, and Jim wakes up and immediately knows what’s going on, and when he shakes Bones awake, Jim doesn’t say anything, just pulls him into a hug and buries his face in Bones’ hair until he calms down

they return to the base (codename Starfleet) with the information they’ve collected and while the senior officers are laying out a plan Jim and Bones get themselves ready and take a week of downtime

on the third night it’s Bones who sprints down to Jim’s room at two in the morning only to find him at the door on his way out because it turns out they both had nightmares

jim hugs bones really tight and doesn’t let go. Bones doesn’t ask him to.

They sleep in the same room for the rest of the week. Either no one notices or they’re too afraid to say anything.

As they’re on the jet on the way to take out the enemy (a terrorist calling himself Khan who’s captured a few Starfleet agents) Bones wrings his hands in thought

He’s worried about Jim, and he’s worried about himself, and the mission

He knows he’s in love with Jim; he doesn’t know why he can’t bring himself to say anything.

(Jim looks at Bones, knowing very well how dangerous the mission is, and whether or not he should confess his feelings.)

They drop out of the plane and infiltrate Khan’s hideout and take out his guards and get the prisoners to the getaway car, and everything goes smoothly. Their orders are kill on sight, and they’ve got Khan cornered, badly injured with a gun to his head when he presses a little button and a bomb starts counting down on the top floor of the building; Khan smiles wickedly before biting down on the pill in his mouth and dropping dead to the floor

And Bones immediately turns to Jim and says “I’m going to go try and defuse it but you have to get the other agents to safety” and Jim freaks out and begins to protest, he can’t let Bones do this, let him do it instead

and Bones knows he can’t let that happen, and that Jim has to be out of blast range with the others because they’re injured, and Bones has experience with bombs, and he knows he can only make the blast smaller but he has to try and minimize the civilian casualties if he can and he can’t let Jim get hurt

And so while Jim is still talking, Bones yanks him in and kisses him hard and shoves him towards the exit before sprinting for the top floor and not looking back

Angry and scared, Jim speeds the getaway car to the edge of the blast radius and scrambles onto the roof just in time to hear a small blast and watch the building crumble, and he falls to the ground and screams

back at base Jim locks himself in medbay while Pike sends out a party to recover the body and then they get back in a flurry of activity but all he hears is “he’s alive”

and jim allows himself to be angry. angry that bones sacrificed himself, angry that he revealed his feelings to jim and jim never got the chance to say anything back; and so, Jim avoids medbay for about a week during Bones’ recovery

and then the news gets around that Bones got released from medical, and Jim is sitting outside on a patch of grass behind base when he hears footsteps behind him and a familiar voice says “damnit, i knew you were avoiding me.”

and jim turns and there’s bones, scratched up and bruised with a nasty burn scar on his arm, but he’s ALIVE and all resentment Jim had against him floods away right then and there

and Jim stands up silently without any expression, and Bones braces himself for the punch in the jaw and the awkward speech about how jim just wants to be friends, and he squeezes his eyes shut and is totally unprepared for Jim seizing his collar and crashing their lips together

when they finally break apart jim rests their foreheads together and whispers “never do that again.”

Bones just sighs a little and whispers “kiss me again and i might consider it”

wheeeeeeeee

send me a pairing + prompt for bullet point headcanons!