#there are so many things wrong w this cover but idrc bc now im just excited to record more stuff for a laff x

[nearwildheaven]

i did a silly little cover of a silly little robyn hitchcock song & messed abt with some effects....... dunno where else to put it so im just gonna stick it here in the meantime :-)

[stopbreathego]

no one pays attention to me here or really knows me in rl, so im just gonna type out my feelings for a little bit bc it’s been a year and i feel like it. so i’m 25 now. i’m halfway to the 30. that feels awful knowing i’m still only halfway to my degree and i can’t ever take any classes bc they interfere with other things like my job that actually pays pretty decent for not having a degree. plus i’m married now. we’ve been married for a whopping six months, but i think knowing each other for 13 years kinda ruined the whole honeymoon thing for us. i do really want to spend most of my time with him, but i’m just clingy and constantly aware of how much i took advantage of him when we dated in high school. also he’s in jail rn. yay. so fun. love it. some stupid irrelevant probation violations in october, and we just finally had the court hearing last friday. honestly, i think they would have just let him go with a slap on the wrist, bc he didn't really do anything wrong, he just didn't get proper approval on a couple things, but they listed all the violations he’s had in the past 5 years of being on probation, and yeah, i understand. he just didn’t care for the first couple years. we weren’t really talking during that time. fun story the last time i talked to him before he got in trouble, he was telling me he didn’t love me anymore, that he’d finally moved on and was doing well living in san antonio, doing the musician thing. and i tried really hard to pretend lk idrc bc i was in a relationship, but i had this weird addiction to him wanting me. i ran back to him so many times after we broke up for good jr yr, but idk, i was dumb. hearts are so fickle. whatever. so yeah we’re married now. someday our kids will be so confused by our love story, but whatevs, hopefully they just learn from our mistakes. until then, ill worry about how to get them to shorten his probation that was just extended another 5 years bc i don’t want to have kids while hes on probation, and i also don’t want to wait until we’re 30. i’m doing surprisingly well considering i’ve been living on my own for the past week. i will be moving back to parents’ for the remaining 82 days he’ll be gone to save some money and give him peace of mind bc we live in a sketchy neighborhood. thankfully my dad owns the building we’re living in, so i can do whatever with our stuff here. it definitely sucks, but it could suck worse. when we first started talking again in 2014, it was only a month or so before he was back in jail bc a stupid technicality, which was really his po’s fault in my opinion, but who am i? and that time he was here in county for an unknown amount of time before they sent him to a facility in dallas. none of the time here counted towards the 90 days he had to spend there, so he was gone about 5 months by the end of it and i only got to visit him once when a friend and i made the drive to dallas and had to say we were his common law wife and adopted brother. whack. so he’s staying here in town this time, which means i can see him twice a week. it still sucks, but it could def suck worse. emotionally, the first couple days were hard, but really, i’m doing okay. just staying busy. we just went through a second downsizing at work, so my workload has doubled, so that’s been good for passing weekdays. rn i’m working on cleaning and getting ready to move, so weekends and evenings are covered for now to. we’re trying to focus on weeks/visits left, rather than days. it’s easier that way. only 12 more saturdays until he’s home. that’s not so bad. and really, i think this is good for me, i’m realizing how much i depended on him for really dumb things. i still haven’t gone to the grocery store by myself. he always makes me breakfast every morning. i didn’t even realize until monday morning came and i was like wtf i need to get breakfast. soo dumb. i’ve been making myself breakfast and really just being a normally functioning adult. no small potatoes, i’ve really spent a lot of time trying to press into God and figure out where He wants us, bc we’ve been on this train of mediocre contentment, and really it hasn’t been fun. and i also realized how co-dependent we really are. i still have avoided a lot of social things, but more so for the sake of money and not really wanting to answer when people ask me where he is. not really bc i just didn’t want to go. plus i really have been busy. i’ve started watching parks & rec from the beginning again before bed bc we were watching the office and he’d be upset if i kept watching w/o him. i forgot a lot of things, so it’s been fun. i really love p&r, and anything amy poehler does in general. hm. idk i guess that’s it for now. ima go get spruced up bc visitation is in an hour. lucky for him, my husband looks hot in yellow and his hair just does what he wants. this mess takes some work.