#there are lots of people saying it's the first time they've felt at ease having dental treatment

[thethingything]

debating booking a dentist appointment with a private practice that's got really good reviews that keep mentioning the dentists being really understanding and gentle with patients that have anxiety.

I'm still not sure we can even handle an appointment but at the same time it feels like our wisdom teeth are getting increasingly painful and I'm scared something's gotten infected

[scribbly-artist]

A Night to Remember

Summary: Jayce finally convinced Viktor to attend a councillor party, and to ease himself, Viktor had one too many fun drinks. Jayce hauled his partner back home safely and shenanigans ensued as Jayce tries to get Viktor ready for bed.

Author’s Notes: Happy New Year’s Eve!! I wanted to get this out before the year was over. :)

This was loosely based on really cute fan art I saw by @onixiage (didn’t use it as the banner as I didn’t want to without permission). I saw it and thought of this fic idea, and it’s been festering in my brain for the last two weeks or so. I finally managed to get it written down, so I hope you enjoy!

Words: ~1,500 | AO3 Link

For the first time, Jayce somehow managed to convince Viktor to come out to one of the numerous councillor parties to celebrate and have a drink. 

They made a few leaps in their inventions for Hextech in the last couple of months, despite Jayce dipping in and out of the lab to tend to his councillor duties. So Jayce thought it would be a wonderful idea if they could celebrate together, rather than Jayce getting all the praise himself whenever he went to these parties alone. 

Usually, Viktor was very reluctant to attend as he would rather not have the spotlight shining on him. With a bit of persuasion and convincing however, Jayce managed to lead Viktor astray just for one night. 

And it was actually a really good night out, if he could say so himself. It was a general council party, so thankfully the focus wasn't entirely on them. Though many people came over to congratulate both Jayce and Viktor on their recent work.

What Jayce wasn't expecting was for himself and Viktor to have so many drinks. In the past parties he’s attended on his own, Jayce rarely drank at them – only when someone offered him a drink, or when Mel insisted on a toast. Viktor had some to ease himself into the loud, unfamiliar environment, so of course Jayce wanted to join him. 

They've had some drinks together before. A few bottles were stored in a cabinet in the lab so they could share a drink after a hard day. But that occurred only a few times, and they never had too much to the point that felt anything more than a buzz or got a little bit silly. 

On this night though, Viktor had a lot. 

So like what any partner would do, Jayce had left the party early with Viktor by his side, dragging him back to their shared apartment. 

Viktor was a bit of a mess. Viktor’s hair was sticking up in all sorts of weird ways – when is it ever tidy? – his clothes were dishevelled, even his tie was nearly falling off around his neck. He was holding his cane loosely in his hand, he had nearly dropped it a few times on their walk home. Jayce was surprised he hadn't gotten sick from the alcohol. 

Jayce was a bit drunk himself, but he could hold himself together. At least he wasn't quietly laughing at nothing like what Viktor was doing at this moment. 

“Do you always get like this after one too many?” Jayce asked with a chuckle.

Viktor sluggishly shook his head. “Nhmm… it’s been, hehe, a long time since I’ve last drank, that may be why…” he looked up at Jayce, a cute, drunk smile plastered on his face.

Jayce’s cheeks turned a little pink seeing his partner’s adorable smile. But he had to focus on getting them home, his mind wasn’t allowed to wander just yet.

It’s good that Jayce got Viktor out when he did. He doubted that Viktor would want people to see him in such a state.

He couldn't lie though – he didn't mind seeing Viktor out of character like this. Seeing a genuine smile on his face, albeit from the alcohol, was a rare sight to behold. It made him smile and his heart warm. 

Walking up a few steps that felt unusually steep on this night to the door, nearly making Viktor trip, Jayce searched his pockets for the key while keeping his hold on Viktor. Once he was successful, he shoved the key into the lock and twisted the door handle open, kicking it open with his foot. 

He led Viktor to their bed, setting him down on the foot of it, and then made his way to the front door to lock it shut for the night.

“Mm, we're home, no?” Viktor slurred, his head rolling to try to look at Jayce’s face as he made his way back into the bedroom. 

“Yeah, we are. I'll get you some water to drink, yeah? Stay right there,” Jayce made his way to the kitchen sink, grabbing a glass on the way and filling it up. Once he was back at Viktor’s side, he sat down next to his partner, gently placing the glass in Viktor’s hands. “Be careful, don't drop it.”

Viktor brought the glass up to his lips to take a nice long sip, some of it dribbling down to his chin onto his shirt. “Thank you Jayce… It's appreciated.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, that smile still glued to his face. 

Viktor held out his hand which held the glass lazily. Jayce gripped onto it, setting it off to the side. Viktor leaned back, plonking his back down on the mattress as he closed his eyes, a chuckle escaping him. 

“Do you need me to do anything else?” Asked Jayce, looking in Viktor’s direction with a small smile of his own. 

“I think I just–” He was interrupted with a sudden yawn, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. “Need to settle down for bed. Eh… I think the fatigue from both the party… and from working in the lab… is catching up to me…” He could barely keep his eyes open. 

“Do you need me to help you get changed?” Jayce offered. He's had to do this a few times before, as Viktor is no stranger to passing out from exhaustion at his bench in the lab. Numerous nights, Jayce has had to carry him home and change him into his pajamas just so he could actually sleep somewhere comfortably. 

Viktor rose from the bed sluggishly with a weak nod. “If you wouldn't mind,” He slid off his tie, then looked at the buttons on his shirt with a quiet laugh. “I believe I do not have the… coordination to take these buttons off in this state…”

“This isn't the first time,” Jayce shook his head with a laugh. He shifted so he was facing Viktor and got to work. Jayce wasn't shoshed, so he actually had the brain power to undo a couple buttons. He started undoing the first one, but was swiftly halted at the wrist by Viktor’s hands, a laugh escaping him. Jayce cocked his head to the side in confusion. “What was that, V?” He couldn’t help himself from smiling.

“Yohohour fingers… they just…” Viktor's eyes wandered and began to mumble as his face flushed. “It tickled a little…”

Jayce laughed at the absurdity. “You’re just ticklish everywhere, aren’t you?” He undid another button, intentionally brushing his fingers against the gaps of Viktor’s shirt where skin was peeking through.

Viktor sputtered, holding onto Jayce’s wrists more tightly. “Muhuhust you always exploit thihihis??” Viktor couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, the tickling mixed in with the alcohol made it impossible to hide.

“I’m not doing it on purpose. You’re just adorably and stupidly ticklish.” An extra scribble as he undid another button, a smirk rising onto his face.

“You are! You’re being a menahahace! Yohohou troublemaker!!”

“You’re over exaggerating it. I’m just helping you out.”

It took a couple minutes - and a lot of laughing from Viktor - but Jayce managed to get Viktor undressed and then redressed with his pajamas. Jayce popped the last button on Viktor’s night shirt, his fingers brushing up against Viktor’s neck as he fixed the collar.

Viktor was red in the face from laughing so much. He didn’t have the energy to fight back anymore, nor the drive to.

“Heheheed my warning, Talis. You won’t be getting off scot-frehehehee in the morning.” Viktor tried to give Jayce the evil-eye, but it failed him in this state.

“Pfft, like you’re going to be able to do anything. I bet you’ll regret drinking so much once you wake up tomorrow.” Jayce changed into his own pajamas as he climbed into bed, Viktor following suit. 

“I’m going to… feel like shit in the morning, aren’t I?” Viktor complained as his head hit the soft pillow, reaching up to rub his temple. “In fact… I believe I can already feel the dreaded headache… ugh…”

Jayce reached over with a comforting hand, brushing his fingers through Viktor’s messy hair. “Even though I didn’t drink as much, I always get hangovers. I’ll let you in on my super secret Talis Drunk Remedies in the morning.” He winked at Viktor, the other rolling his eyes.

“Mmm, whatever you say,” he mumbled and shook his head, pulling the covers closer as he closed his eyes. It was silent for a moment until Viktor spoke up. “Thank you for dragging me out tonight… and for carrying me back home… Admittedly, I had fun…”

Jayce reached over and planted a sweet kiss on Viktor’s forehead that made him giggle, lingering there for a moment. 

“Always, Vik.”

They snuggled close and drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

This was a night neither of them would forget.

[crazilust]

Analyzing celebrities’ fashion according to their venus signs (pt.1)

I believe you can tell alot about someone just by looking at the clothes they've choose to wear. Let's analyze different celebrities' fashion and their venus sign (as well as the degree they're in) and give you some advice on how you can incorporate it in your own fashion style.

Aries venus

Audrey Hepburn

Even though we associate Aries venus with a very flamboyant style (and trust me, they can be and most of them are), I found important to put Audrey Hepburn as an example of someone who’s mastered the minimal, elegant fashion. Aries are very determinate and passionate individuals and once they have their eyes set on something, they’ll achieve it at all cost. I found it relevant in Hepburn’s style, because to me she achieved the quintessential minimalist fashion. She was able to balance being minimal while not being boring and basic, while staying true to herself. I think that’s one of the main strength of Aries venuses. They have to stay true to themselves, and when they do, they’re able to master their own fashion sense.

Also interesting to note that her venus is in a capricorn degree, which could also explain the more minimalist route.

Lady Gaga

On the other side of the spectrum, we’ve got Lady Gaga who also represents Aries venus perfectly. Her ability to tell a story with her clothes has become something we know and associate her for. Again, even if it’s completely different to Hepburn’s, you can still very much see Gaga’s need to be authentic to herself. Her style is a bit more tone down (see picture on the top right), but it’s still close to who she is as a person. It just evolved. Her willingness to be weird and over the top despite the constant misunderstanding of others and nagging, demands a lot of bravery and if that's not an Aries venus in a nutshell, I don't know what it is.

Her venus is in a Piscean degree (24), which could explain her intrinsic desire to use fashion as an art form and always push its boundaries.

Final take

If I were an Aries venus, I would take a long time reflecting on what I truly like, what type of person I am and how I want to be seen before buying anything. I would forget the trends and start investing in personal development in order to see how I could translate that into my clothes. Am I more a lowkey, mysterious kind of person? Flamboyant and over the top? The moment I’d be able to choose at least three words to describe me, I’d start building my closet around them and remind myself that I can go to extremes if I damn wanted to.

Taurus venus

Princess Diana

As a fellow Taurus venus, I’d be lying if I said that Princess Diana is not one of my main inspiration. To me, she represents perfectly what Taurus venus is all about. Simplicity, elegance and effortlessness. There’s a simplicity here, an ease that is very admirable from Princess Diana. It’s almost like she just threw this on but looks phenomenal as a result. It’s polished, but not forced at all and that’s where Taurus’ strength lies. Making it look easy. I also added her biker short outfit to represents Taurus’ need for comfort, but why not make it look cute? Also monochromatic looks to add that touch of put togetherness.

With her venus in 24 degrees (Pisces), we notice her tendency to break the mold and transcend beyond people's expectations. With today's eyes, it doesn't seem that groundbreaking, but at the time, and especially for a Royal, it was cra-zy (also the first one to be known for her fashion!)

Prince

What I wanted to focus on by putting Prince is his sensuality that I feel is overlooked alot when we talk about Taurus Venus. Or it's taken for granted almost. They have this little je-ne-sais-quoi that is so attractive and again, so effortless. Prince mastered this aspect so much and I find it very interesting. His clothes were a direct translation of how he felt about himself. Showing a little skin there, some see-through blouse here. Nothing extremely vulgar, but you get the message. I also wanted to put him there because whenever we think of Taurus venus celebrities, we always reference the most stereotypical ones like Ariana Grande and Lana del Rey. They most obviously embody the Venusian energy, but if you don't like this aesthetic, you can definitely be a little bit more out there just like Prince did.

With his venus in 7 degree, being a Libra degree, Prince was doubling down on his venusian energy, amping up the charm and sensuality while still being seen as charming.

Final take

What I would do (and should start to do actually) as a Taurus venus is focus on the quality of the clothes I put on my body, no matter the aesthetic or fashion choices. At the end of the day, Taurus look fabulous and effortlessly glam, but in order to enhance this trait, it's going to be important to invest in quality pieces in order to emanate this energy. I understand that not everybody wants to invest in clothes, but there's many ways you can do this without breaking the bank : thrift stores, depop, vinted (it might just take longer). Some signs can get away with cheap clothes, distressed clothing, but as Taurus venus, it definetely looks messy and not necessarily in a cute, grunge way lol.

Gemini venus

Margot Robbie

To my surprise, there's actually a lot of supermodels or sex icons/bombshells who possess a Gemini Venus. I say to my surprise, because I always see Geminis as kind of quirky, but it's true, they do embody the perfect balance of being hot but approachable (the twins archetype after all). It's like they can very well be the nerdy shy girl and the bombshell the next minute. I think you can actually see that in Margot Robbie's style where it's very Girl-Next-Door, but with an edge. The monochromatic pink look is to die for but switch the palette for a neutral look, platform for regular slippers and it's not as eye-catching. Without these two small details, you get a very basic look. I would've expected flamboyance, but from what I saw from these celebrities (ex: Kristen Bell, Sandra Bullock) is that they really embody the Model Off Duty vibes, where everything they put has a little edge to it while still appearing very approachable and mainstream. Which, when we think about it, is very reminiscent of Geminis.

Her Venus being in a Leo degree (8) could explain her tendency to want to be extra, lean more on the glamorous side and wear monochromatic colourful outfits

Megan Fox

Another route you could choose, as Megan Fox did, is to go push that Cool Girl fashion all the way and experiment fully with your closet, mixing and matching pieces with different textures and colours. Fox has always been known for her sex appeal and you can definitely see that in her fashion choices in the beginning of her career, but as of lately, she's been more avant-garde with her choices and honestly more fun. She definitely reminds me of the cool girls in my town walking around like they're just out of the fashion magazine, not giving a F about anything and you can't help but notice them.

Her venus is in 23 degrees, which is an Aquarius degree and could definitely explain her tendency to explore different styles and play with colours. Being very experimental.

Final take

What I would do if I were a Gemini Venus, is that I would learn my colours, my signature style and what goes best for my silhouette in order to put forward my best features. While this can be said for anyone, I think Gemini Venus is still very well thought out and in order to give that illusion of "I just got up", you're gonna have to know what makes you pop. As opposed to Taurus, for example, who can just rock an oversized hoodie and some boots and make it look elegant because that's what their energy gives off, Gemini is going to have to work a little bit harder. Experiment. Alot !

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That's it from me folks, I'll post part 2 containing Cancer, Leo and Virgo venus very soon :)

[slaaverin]

https://x.com/miniekookphoria/status/1866860575533539751

It really hit me today, they chose each other.

This is so loud, and so profound, but it’s not a moment for us as fans, it’s a moment for them. This meant/means something to them. They applied for a system that for once could kind of work in their favour. They had to enlist, there was no choice, but there was a choice for them to apply for a route that would allow them to be together in this, and the fates aligned and they got in. How poetic is that! They have each other, side by side, it’s been a year, with another 6 months to go. There for each other.

I know as jikookers we feel incredibly at peace knowing they have each other in there, I know the rest of the fandom and hateful solos turn a blind eye, but just imagine how they feel. How they felt knowing they had the other with them for this difficult time in their lives. This is the kind of thing that changes you, I don’t think they will come out unaffected by their experience, it’ll make them stronger characters, and resilient I’ve no doubt. They chose each other, not as members of BTS, not as colleagues who had supposedly grown apart in the eyes of the fandom in chapter 2, not as so called just friends, or a ‘complex’ ‘not traditional’ relationship you cannot define, but as Jimin and Jungkook from Busan. Two young men who have grown up with each other and couldn’t be apart for 18 months. Yes only they know their reasons but to me it’s so so profound and beautiful. They chose this for themselves, at an extremely vulnerable moment in their lives, knowing they would have the other there with them. To want to be together like that, in intense and difficult circumstances, them saying they weren’t worried about them fighting, do people realise what that actually says. It says a lot. The first idols to ever do this. In their position, This is not just friends enlisting for fun, I know people use the buddy system with friends, it ain’t for romance in there, but I think them saying that, saying about waking up to the other, that’s the comfort. They knew they would stand out for this, the negativity that came straight after the announcement, them walking through that airport with their heads held high’ . No matter what that’s what mattered to them, having each other. That’s all that matters in this.

I’ve never known anything like it.

Someone said that the songs ‘birds of a feather’ and ‘die with a smile’ are Jikook coded, and given their circumstances they truly are. The fact what the system means is they are each others support, they wear their dog tags in case of death. They literally committed to go to the front lines, a dangerous area, to be together. That’s profound. In fact that’s love.

Such love, and their beautiful bond should be revered.

What wonderfully articulated thoughts anon 🫂 I couldn't agree more! Thank you 💜

One year since they left.

How worried we were before knowing they used the buddy system to be together.

Their country is in shamble right now, and I cannot imagine what kind of challenges they have to face in there.

Thankfully we feel a little bit better knowing they can rely on each other.

I think you are correct, they can't come out from this unscathed. This puts them in a situation they've never been in before, in a different environement with different rules, and they need to adapt to it no matter what is asked of them, even if they disagree, even if they don't want to do it.

Do you know how hard it is to do things you don't want to do? It could be anything. But the mental pressure must be huge.

I think they knew that before entering. They knew how hard it would be.

So the fact that they chose to be with each other, to be the person that would ease their mind, who would soften the blow - it's huge.

It could have been anyone, any other member, but no. It had to be them.

How can people still deny that their relationship is special amongst all others?

You bet that that's love.

I would even consider it devotion.

If we keep it real, since the very beginning, they always chose each other. In actions, in words, in the way they gave attention to each other, in how glued they are, in sublte or not so subtle ways, it's always been obvious.

I think they made their choice a long time ago.

And we knew that.

But it's always something else to have it confirmed over and over, right?

Ahhh this is making me very emotional.

You know, everything we saw from them, it's still just a glimpse, just a bleed through of their true feelings.

I believe the true depth of their feelings goes even deeper than what we know - in private, in quiet times, when they are alone, not Jungkook and Jimin from BTS, but two men from Busan as you beautifully said.

They are soulmates. If it's true that they knew each other in past lives, then their love transcends space and time. It's not a little thing, you know?

So of course they would enlist with each other.

It was the only thing that made any sense.

Us jikookers, we're so cute, because we're always trying to remain level headed, and the reasonable ones. It comes from a good sentiment, we don't want to sound like other questionable parts of the fandom.

But honestly we don't really have to anymore.

I don't think the things we're perceiving with our heart and soul are deceiving us.

I can't be anything but love - a pure one, that would lead them to such a decision.

Enlistment was a statement. AYS was a statement too. A little bit of that devotion.

Yet I agree with you that this is not for anyone else at the same time. I believe their decision to be in MS together was a very personal one. We just happen to know about it.

Military is a personal challenge. A challenge that all the other members chose to face alone. But not Jimin & Jungkook.

My true intuition and feeling tells me that this was absolutely essential for them both.

Their hearts are too intertwined to even entertain the possibility of having to be alone in a trial such as this one. It's very logical when you think about it.

MS isn't for romance but it doesn't need to be, the simple thing of having the person you love next to you, even if as just a comforting presence, it's priceless, it's invaluable.

What they share is so very precious and beautiful. And they are such wonderful humans? (Now I'm typing through the tears)

Of course it needs to be cherished so very much 🥲

How great would that be if everyone had a relationship such as theirs. I sincerely wish it for all of us, in this life or the next.

Ahhh everything is extremely poetic. When you think of all the growth they had to go through, of their crazy lives, of all the challenges they faced, they still get to have a pocket that is just for them, of safety, comfort, true reliance, support, love and tenderness.

If this is some kind of reward for all the good they have done, I think they truly deserve it.

This is making me a little unhinged to think that MS will surely deepen their bond even more 😂😂😂 *nervous laugh*

They will keep choosing each other, I think for as long as they breathe at this rate.

So who knows what might happen in the future? Only 6 month left to find out. It makes my heart very happy. I can't wait to follow their journey into the next phase of their lives.

Their future can only be brighter even.

I also can't wait to share the joy of everything with everybody, the fun and beautiful jikookers 💜

I will have my tissues ready for 2025 lmao

To "celebrate" this 1 year mark I'm preparing a little edit. A very simple one but I hope it will uplift you a bit. The song I chose makes me cry for real lol I hope I will be able to convey my feelings to you. It should come out by the weekend.

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful thoughts anon (you should have a blog for yourself 😌) and let's keep celebrating their special bond 💜 take care

[mtkay13]

And yet.... another..... Face reveal illustration.

And of course, another long post, LOL.

More thoughts on the passage below!

This illustration is born from a hyperfocus of mine on this sentence:

Ah-Xu... [...] Did... did I tell you that I like men?"

他忽然发现，其实对方一辈子都不将那易容卸下来，在自己心里，也从来就应该是这样一副模样，如今看到他长得竟如自己想象中的感觉别无二致，就像是……已经认识了他很久很久一样。 [Wen Kexing] suddenly realized that, should [Zhou Zishu] have kept the mask on forever, this was the face he'd have pictured in his heart. Now, seeing this face that exactly matched the one he had pictured, it simply felt like.... meeting again with someone he'd known for a very, very long time.

This, to me, feels like the comforting familiarity of knowing, of understanding a friend, feeling at ease despite the years, the distance; the feeling of meeting a friend IRL for the first time despite knowing them for years, and yet everything clicks--

To me, the beauty in this passage is in how the mask... never really did anything, change anything. Wen Kexing became friends with the person behind the mask, felt this deep connection for this man regardless of what he could look like, and seeing him, now, his face revealed, is that comfort of, yes--I recognize you. It's you.

What I really enjoy in TYK is Wenzhou's companionship, the way they understand each other so profoundly, and their friendship. The fact that they liked each other as people first, that they connected so well despite the odds. This connection between them makes a lot of the feelings mutual, and I feel like this sentence above, part of it is felt by Zhou Zishu as well; and removing his mask, although it is for practical reasons within the context of the story, showing his face to Wen Kexing is a way to affirm trust, both ways. I trust you with my own face, but you can also trust me--because I show you, I welcome you in. This passage... almost feels like a greeting. "Hello again, friend." except they've been tagging along for a while, now.

I used to wonder if Zhou Zishu was nervous about Wen Kexing seeing his face, as I do think he's a bit self-conscious about his frail body and struggles to understand Wen Kexing's big declaration of attraction to him--sort of like, "will he still like me, what will he think of my face?". I don't really stand by that anymore, because my understanding of ZZS has changed since then. It really feels more like, it's fine, we know each other, we're friends anyway now whether I like it or not. I wonder, is he a bit happy that he gets to greet WKX with his real face? He mentions having counted on keeping his mask until he dies, but... ? It's pretty obvious that at this point in the story, ZZS is already deeply fond of WKX, so I can't help but feel like he is happy, deep down, that he gets to make that connection.

For WKX, it must be comforting, but also quite bittersweet. His appreciation, his growing love for ZZS, only comforted by this familiarity, this acknowledgement of companionship, of ease together, while he is so deeply aware that ZZS is condemned... I feel like at this moment, he must want to hug him, to keep him close, and think, I wish I could have him longer, I wish he could stay; for he's the only friend he's ever had, for he never connected with someone like that before.

Now to adress the elephant in the room and jump onto the next topic, I keep saying "friend", "companion". Needless to say that I am well aware that wenzhou have a romantic+ bond, but I just feel like this part highlights this aspect of their relationship that I profoundly cherish. And thus we reach WKX's very famous line:

It's hilarious, perfectly timed, but I especially love how I feel like, rather than highlighting how gorgeous or attractive ZZS could be, this is yet another way for WKX to lighten his own mood, to detach himself from the deeper feelings, the longing, the fondess, the comfort--given how untimely this all is. It hurts, to feel attached to ZZS as a person, because he's going to die soon, while joking about fucking and being gay always works, and it has the benefit to make ZZS flustered.

So yeah, point is, I'm obsessed with that scene.

Also, obligatory reference to the past versions, which I noticed make sort of a nice movement? haha.

I'm not really standing by the first one anymore, but it works in that context!

[sapphirerogers]

Labyrinth

Summary: You're not his first choice. But you realise you can't be mad about it. You don't have the right.

Steve Rogers x gn! reader (not dating though, they're...they were best friends), post Civil War.

[Warnings: angst (sort of unrequited love?), attempt at fluff (?), Hurt and not so much comfort, Sam is a good friend though.]

A/N: no prizes for guessing the reason behind the title. Also this is Stucky if you want it to be. Otherwise it isn't.

"You don't think he cares about you or me?"

"I never said that, Sam. It's just that..." You took a deep breath, "if you and Bucky both ended up in two separate situations where you both needed him, who do you think he'd reach first?" You stared at him, waiting for his answer, nodding and looking away when he remained silent.

"Y/N..." He started.

"He cares about us Sam. He really does care a lot. It's in his nature to care about people, that's what makes him so amazing." You sighed, wishing you felt differently about this. "It's just that...no matter what happens, Bucky knows perfectly well that Steve will always reach him when he needs help. You and me, we're another story. He will come for us, but only if and when he can. Bucky has the assurance of 'always'. We don't. We know deep down that if Bucky is in trouble, Steve will go to him first, and us second. We have to keep a backup for ourselves. Bucky will never need a backup."

A sudden realisation dawned upon him, and Sam watched you intently. He knew what was going on in your mind.

"I'm not mad at him for that, and I'm not jealous of Bucky. I swear I'm not." You continued, wrapping your hands around the coffee mug and shuffling closer to your best friend. "Steve and Bucky...they've known each other all their lives, they have a bond that runs deeper than that of lifelong friends. They're two halves of the same soul at this point. So I get it, all of it. I truly do. I just..." You drew in a shaky breath. "There's nothing to do about it really. It's good to prioritise people, else you'd be all over the place. Honestly, it's heartwarming too, watching the two of them with each other. I've never seen Steve smile more than he does around Bucky. So...it's okay. I'm okay. Or I will be. Whatever. It's fine."

Sam pulled you closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, then in his usual deadpan fashion, he dropped the bombshell.

"You love him."

You snapped your head up. "What-"

"We all love him, deeply. But you're in love with him."

Uh-oh.

You turned your gaze away from him, clenching your teeth to avoid crumbling. You knew he was right, but for the life of you, you couldn't accept it out loud. It would only hurt so much more. Sam, however, found all the answers he needed in your silence.

"I know what you're gonna say - I'm selfish, I'm crazy, and I'm overreacting. I understand that." You look down at your lap.

"Is that really what you think I was gonna say?"

"It's true, regardless."

"You know everything you're feeling is valid, right? You're not a bad person because of this."

"Still wish I didn't feel all of it. Sucks to have a heart."

"You should tell him."

"I can't."

"Not about Bucky. About you. He deserves to know."

"I can't tell him that either. Don't get me started on that conversation, please. I've had it with myself way too many times. Look, we're ex-Avengers, currently on the run. We have plenty of stuff to worry about, so this will fade. It only hurts this much right now."

Steve swallowed, trying to ease the tightness in his chest as he silently stood behind you two, listening to you talk. It all made sense now - you suddenly being short with him, refusing to let him come with you as you left for Budapest earlier that month, the cold shoulder you had been giving him all the time recently. He understood it all too well now; you were hurt. And you thought he might leave you alone to get to Bucky first.

Were you right though?

Steve used to pride himself on being dependable and loyal, but for the first time ever, he realised, much to his shock, that he couldn't answer that question with absolute honesty without knowing the reply would break your heart even further.

Uh-oh.

He sniffled, then cursed himself for it, because now you two were both looking back at him, Sam's expression being one of mild surprise and shit, and yours being that of pure shock.

"How long have you been standing there?" You asked, sharply, your voice hoarse.

"I'll give you two some space." Sam slid out of the vicinity quickly, his place now occupied by Steve's six-foot, two-hundred-pound frame.

"Look I'm sorry-" you stuttered out.

"If it's for pushing me away, then yes, you owe me an apology. Because that hurt." He said, doing his best to keep his tone level and calm.

"That...yes, that, and also-"

"Otherwise there's nothing to apologise for." He shot down whatever you were going to reply with.

You sat in awkward silence for a minute before he spoke up again, "Is it true, what Sam said?"

"Sam said a lot of things, Rogers." You said flatly.

"Do you love me?" He asked quietly.

You debated with yourself over the best way to respond to this, then shrugged nonchalantly. "No more than everyone else does."

That's a lie, even I can tell, Steve thought.

He patted your knee, making you look up at him, then stared deeply into your eyes. "Come here," he said softly, opening his arms.

You looked up at him with narrowed eyes, before giving in and letting him pull you into himself.

And that's when the dam broke.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered and he shook his head.

"Don't be, please, sweetheart."

"It's true," you croaked out in response to his earlier question, as you cried into his shirt. He rubbed your back slowly, resting his chin on top of your head while holding back his own tears.

The words were on the tip of his tongue. he was so ready and willing to say it and yet...it felt shallow when he said them aloud in his head. He didn't think telling you he felt the same would mean much in this moment. So he kept quiet, choosing to simply hold you instead, doing his best to physically comfort you.

Because as much as he hated to admit it...you were unfortunately right. Bucky was his number one, and even though you were an extremely close second...that's just it - you were, after all, second.

And no confession from him would take that away.

--------------------------------------------------

[I'm sorry too.

Please reblog and/or leave some feedback if you liked this. I'd appreciate it a lot <3]

@slut-for-chrisevans @royalwriteroftheuniverse @nana1000night @jamneuromain @nekoannie-chan @peace-love-fanfiction @simpforsupersoldiers @averageambivert @breethebee7 @teardrop-on-guitar @sarahrogersevans @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @heli0s-writes @rodrikstark @steverogerssimpp @mainly-marvel

Image from Pinterest.

[genderqueerdykes]

Different person but i just wanna add (if another confirmation would help), no yea it's absolutely fucking horrific how they've been treating you I was (and still am, pcos that makes it uber hard to lose weight gang), upper 200s/low 300s weight wise when i had mine, and they IMMEDIATELY referred me to a surgeon who was prepared and familiar with working on fat people no fuss, and this is With medicaid, i'm genuinely shocked you didn't get the same, i thought it would be standard practice (though why i expect even that from the american healthcare system is a mystery jeez... they love to disappoint .) The mishandling is fucking abhorrent, especially with the newer information that it wasn't even the SURGEON talking to you, i spoke with the assistant (or something? im not sure of her title it's been a few years since mine, but it was during the beginning of the pandemic) for the first half of my consult, but even though my surgeon was one of the busier ones in the hospital he STILL made the time to meet me and discuss things himself at that consult. And they were genuinely some of the nicer people i've had to deal with when it came to my weight, i can't believe they tried to pass it off as your diet when it's so known that genetics is a huge factor in it and your diet isn't even remotely bad..... (it was bigtime genetics with mine as well actually, my Ma had hers out for gallstones and i want to say one of her sisters did as well before i did) It's Exceedingly Fucked Up how they're treating you, especially with the condition you're in, you should be getting expedited treatment no fuss, it's genuinely fucked they're making you deal with this. Wishing you the best with getting this handled quickly, you deserve much better!!!!!!!!!!!! In the meanwhile, also wishing you luck with the surgery itself when it's scheduled!! Good news that i can offer is that in my experience it's not the worst recovery-wise, the main difficulty i had was sitting up after laying and getting out of bed/walking and such (abdominal surgery is a bittova doozy... and one helluva thing to make you realize how much your stomach muscles really do FDCFVGB), but sitting up wasn't too bad pretty much the whole way through at least, if you have any friends who could come over and chill with you for the first few days having someone around is a Massive help; and either way i'd see about moving stuff you think you'll need/want into the vicinity of where you'll be recovering once you're closer to the surgery itself, if you get any energy to spare (apologies if any of this bit is a lot also, i tend to lean into advice if someone's dealing with something i've gone through before^^) No but yea, i really do wish you the best of luck with all of this, both getting stuff scheduled and the surgery itself when it comes; i hope things go as smoothly as they can from here, and that your pain will ease soon!!

thank you so much, i really appreciate this message!

literally, the outpouring of people saying "WHAT THE FUCK???" to how i've been treated wrt my gallbladder has been making it easier. i felt so fucking defeated in that appointment, you have no idea, i felt like this was just standard protocol and i was an idiot for getting my hopes up thinking that getting the surgery would be "easy". literally after that appointment i just felt fucking dead inside so i REALLY REALLY appreciate people letting me know this is NOT OKAY

i'm really glad they took you seriously, PCOS gang. i'm sorry you deal with that too like at least she let up when i said i have PCOS and losing weight isn't something i can just Choose to do. i've literally gone through periods of my life where i starved and had next to no food at all and i only ever got down to... 260 lbs. while starving.

holy shit, thank you for the info that makes me feel a lot better about how i've been treated... i'm SO glad you actually got to talk to a surgeon about it, you know... the person who knows what they're talking about!! i didn't get to speak to a surgeon... at all. the people who spoke to me were a medical student in training, and a.... physician's assistant. like what the actual fuck, neither of you know what a surgeon wants why are you giving me inaccurate information?

she did fortunately refer me to bariatric surgeons to get the appointment scheduled, however, the problem is i'm going to have to do ANOTHER consult with them before i can get my gallbladder removed, which is scary because who knows how long that's going to take. my consult was last friday, and it's thursday, and i have not received a call from the bariatric surgeons. i had to call their clinic this morning, while shaking and sniffling with a fever to ask them for the number for bariatrics so i could call them myself to see what the fuck is going on with this referral

all while i can't eat. i got sick yesterday after eating white rice. rice. made me sick. two days before that i got sick from some bread. like i can't eat anything at all at this point i'm relying on liquids, here. miso soup, gatorade and water is alright short term but i kinda can't keep. not eating. like this forever. honestly the way that PA was speaking to me, it made me feel like she straight up wanted me to die. like she saw my issues as not worth her time because i'm a fat person and i should just roll over and die because i'm not thin and thus don't "deserve" medical care. like at this point it feels like she WANTS me to die

I'm sure the bariatric surgeons are great people but i'm not exactly filled with confidence when it comes to whether or not i'll actually be taken care of. when i got my colon/endoscopy, the doctor was "running behind" and the nurses "couldn't figure out why". when i went into the operating room, he was quite literally playing on his phone, scrolling facebook. all of his patients were behind because he was on his phone. i had to re-schedule my transportation through my insurance to pick me up an entire hour late because he was goofing off on his phone. unreal. if you want a job where you can goof off on your phone, medicine isn't it. find an office job, you asshole

actually, thanks a ton for the recovery information, because i don't think i can trust that hospital to even get that right for me. :') i've never gotten surgery before so i wasn't quite sure what to prepare for! relocating items is a smart idea, fortunately my bedroom is small so that shouldn't be too much of an issue! i have my neighbors' contact info so i might be able to see if they can lend a hand whenever i need help quickly and might not be able to get someone else to come over. that's a smart idea, thank you!

do you think my wheelchair would help alleviate some of those issues with walking in the beginning? i keep my wheelchair next to my bed so i should be able to crawl into there whenever i need to walk around the house. either way, thank you so much for the super kind message, and for advice on what the recovery process is like! that was what i was most curious about, as i have no experience with surgery as of now

thanks again for the kind message, the support and the reassurance... i've been so worn down over this it isn't funny. i've been so exhausted both mentally, but also physically, because my pain and symptoms have been spiking lately. i've been getting pain that travels around to my back. i can't sit upright or walk without aggravating it. how is this not serious? how is a matter of 10 - 15 lbs more important than someone who literally can't keep down their food? unreal

i'm relying on over the counter anti-emetics and bloating medications just to survive. some days i HAVE to take a dramamine or else i'm gonna throw up. i don't have an option, it's to the point where i almost just take it reflexively daily

i hope you have a great day and thanks for all the help! your message really helped, thanks again

[bluerose5]

Since I'm slowly but surely getting through the game and probably will wait til I get Astarion's full story before I write any fic, some starter thoughts on if he and Zevran met. Probably set within the context of BG3 because I feel like it's a more flexible setting to work with than DA.

Zevran still having pretty much his same background, working for an assassin's guild called the Crows. Maybe a powerful enemy of Cazador's knows not entirely of the ritual but that he believes Astarion is key to something. Puts out a contract. Most assassins aren't willing to anger the likes of Cazador or tbh they're in his pocket. Maybe there are even rumors that circulate in the shadows of his true nature. Either way, Zevran is the one that takes the contract for the same reasons as DAO. There's an ambush. Tav questions him. Tav recruits him. Astarion disapproves.

The expected sass and flirting occurs of course, but it soon turns into a situation of like recognizing like. They make it into an unsaid competition of sorts instead of taking any of it seriously, always trying to one-up the other. If any of the others complain, they both turn their words on them instead.

Zevran probably brings up their kills at first. When Astarion doesn't seem keen on opening up about what he did under Cazador, Zevran asks him about what he's done instead during his time adventuring, which he is more open to bragging about. Surprise, the two of them bond over tales of murders they've committed while the others listen in, some more disturbed than others by their flippant approach.

Yes, yes, have to bring up lockpicking! Zevran trying to show off on some tiny, little chest that's easy to pick. Meanwhile, Astarion is over here going, "Watch this." and picking every door and chest in sight. Zevran acts disgruntled but highly approves.

Likewise, any time they're in a populated area, they make a game out of it to see who can pickpocket/steal the most valuable items by the end of the trip. Tav is not amused if this ends up, on the rare occasion, alerting the guards and landing them in jail. Good thing they'd be more than happy to lead the jailbreak.

Any time they head out, both of them try to guess where the other has concealed any daggers. They switch up how many and where they keep them each time.

The first time Zevran happens to see Astarion's back —clearly he doesn't let just everyone see it or linger on it at least— rather than draw too much attention to it, Zevran probably makes light of it, says it's quite a display, and then draws attention to his own scars to make Astarion feel more at ease. Welcomes it when Astarion asks questions until they're both exchanging stories again, although their smiles are more wistful than joyous when they recount the torture they've endured at their masters' hands.

No, I'm not avoiding the obvious. Sex? Yeah, they probably had sex early on, but the instant Astarion grows distant, I could see Zevran withdrawing as well. Neither of them are stupid. Both of them are more perceptive than people give them credit for. That first time, honestly, probably felt "tainted" for both of them after the fact. They don't bring it up for a while really.

On another, similar note, the instant one of them brings up using sex or their body as a tool, all of it suddenly clicks. It's essentially the spiderman meme.

The pure frustration that comes up when the other calls them out on their bullshit because they know best when one of them is putting on airs rather than speaking his mind.

Whether Zevran lets Astarion drink from him or not, I'd say probably so. In the beginning, it happens only if there was something in it for Zevran to gain from the exchange. Later, he would be more open to it when he trusts Astarion, although he'd joke that he'd prefer it after a little charming and wooing.

I honestly could see them having a strong bond, romantic or platonic. Either one could work in my opinion. It, like any relationship, would just take a lot of work and effort on both ends. Both of them learning to simply exist with someone who understands them more than anyone else...

Seriously, think about them being comfortable around each other and getting all the hugs, cuddles, and kisses they can ask for. Need I say more?

[rabbithaver]

ok i know i didnt throw silver today here on tumblr but frankly i have been super busy, and now that i'm free, i'm totally exhausted. i'm gonna have to take a rain check on throwing him today, but rest assured that i DID throw him irl. and i'm holding him right now. so he's getting the love he deserves, i promise :)

i just hosted a 7 hour Bumblekast Server Movie Night since there was no recording today. it went so well!!! we watched Interstellar and The Martian, two of my all-time favorite films. i talked so much with so many people that now my throat hurts and i am absolutely exhausted... but oh my god, we had so much fun. i got to connect with a ton of friends in the server whose voices i'd never heard before. i got to infodump about my special interests to people who genuinely cared to hear what i had to say. we got to crack jokes and have fun during breaks. the very first ever Bumblekast Server Movie Night was, overall, a huge success!

in fact, it was such a successful event that i am going to have to host a second screening of Interstellar! like eight people really wanted to join us and see it, but couldn't due to their schedules. i've promised them that i'll ping them when i start planning the next screening so that way we can make sure everyone is able to participate. and Interstellar is one of those movies i will happily watch several times a week so it all works out.

everyone seemed to love the movies, and they even seemed to appreciate the fact that i had behind-the-scenes trivia and facts about the science in the movies. one of my huge worries is that people i watch movies with get annoyed when i share things like that, but if anything, folks seemed to appreciate the movies more because of it.

man, i know i keep saying it, but i really do love the Bumblekast community so much. i have never felt so at ease with so many people. i've never felt like a burden or an annoyance there... like, i truly think it's where i belong. everyone is so caring and supportive, especially the mod team and Kyle. hell, Kyle even set up an event in the server for me so that we could spread the word to people! it was such a kind gesture.

that place truly is something so special. i've been there since September 15, 2023, and i can count on one hand how many genuine fights and bigoted statements i've seen. the mod team is so exceptional at maintaining a positive and friendly atmosphere there. it helps that they nip heated conversations in the bud before they can become arguments. they're also very easy to talk to —they're all so incredibly funny and approachable. they're constantly interacting with the community, too. and they're also really willing to work with people.

for example, occasionally i've broken rules by accident or flown too close to the sun with a joke and they've had to DM me about it. and they know that i have severe anxiety, so when they broach these subjects with me, they know to say right off the bat, "hey, you're not in trouble or anything and we aren't mad, we just need to talk to you about something." it's a little thing, but it seriously means so much to me. the fact that they keep my struggles in mind when doing their jobs is proof to me that they care about the community they support.

a lot of discord servers have mods who are very... distant with their communities. like, they don't participate in conversation amongst members, or they take jokes way too seriously, or they throw their weight around just to intimidate users into submission. those discord server mods just don't bother interacting with their communities, either because they're too busy, or they're not interested in what their members are doing, or in the worst cases, they think they're better than everyone else. i've encountered a lot of these people before and they're always so unpleasant. it just highlights to me how unique the Bumbleserver is.

i'm so fucking glad i got into Sonic, man. if i hadn't watched the game grumps play Frontiers, i never would have picked up the comics. i never would have known how much fun they are. i never would have started listening to the Bumblekast. i never would have decided to create the clips blog. i never would've been reached out to by Puppy Bumblekast, who i now consider one of my closest friends. and of course, i never would have claimed Silver as my son, which lead to Seán reaching out to me. i never would have fallen so thoroughly in love with him, either. 💖

ok that was a WAY longer post than i meant it to be . im really really tired so im gonna go to bed. goodnight everybody

goodnight my friends!

[whxtedreams]

Chapter 8 - Please Don't Leave Me

Summary

You and Joel deal with your past losses.

CW // Depression, Anxiety, Mentions of Suicide (No detail and no attempts - just mentioned/implied), fluff, angust, hurt/comfort. - take care of yourselves

WC // 10,501

Now

Late Spring 2024

As you and Joel separate ways outside the gates of Jackson, you agree to meet at his house once you've cleaned yourself up after patrol. You had laid down by the lake for at least an hour and managed to take in the calmness and quiet peace it provided. The conversation between you and Joel had felt naturally effortless as you talked about small pieces of each other's history, making the time pass by quickly and comfortably. 

You had both mentioned multiple times throughout your conversation that you should start heading back over to Jackson, but neither of you wanted to be the first to actually make the move. The two of you felt so calm and at ease while laying in the grass together, as though the rest of the world didn't matter as long as you were next to each other. It wasn't until the setting sun made it difficult to see his face that you even considered making the first move to head back toward Jackson.

You talk about Tommy finding you and Annabel, and how the time you spent as a trio was some of the best and worst moments of your life. You talk about your past life, every variation of yourself throughout the years. It wasn’t flattering but he listens like it matters, a soft frown settling between his eyebrows as you provide him a glimpse of the experiences you've come across. He seems to hang onto each and every one of your words, as if every detail is important to him.

You listen to him as he talks briefly about his own personal experiences, choosing not to pry about the life he had lived before or during the early stages of the outbreak. What he chooses to share with you is his choice, and you respect his choice in that matter. It's obvious that he doesn't feel comfortable divulging details about his life prior to the outbreak, so you leave that topic be for your conversation.

He talks of Ellie instead, how he was tasked with transporting her to the Fireflies and how their relationship blossomed from strangers to basically family as they travelled together across state lines. His deep care and affection for Ellie is obvious from the way he speaks of her, and you've seen for yourself how close they've become. It's clear that they care deeply for one another and that their relationship has grown greatly since their initial meeting.

His story trails off as he talks of his search for the Fireflies. You notice how he seems to struggle to retell the ending of their travels, as he turns his focus to the sky and closes his eyes, resting his arm across his face. You rest your hand on his shoulder and he faces you once more, confusion lingering in his eyes as if he's unsure of what to say next. 

"You don't have to tell me anything, it's okay," you reassure him with a gentle smile, and his eyes shift to focus on your hand resting against his shoulder. You can see the struggle in him, the desire to speak yet something is preventing him from doing so. You can only imagine what is going on in his mind and heart right now as he stares at your hand.

“I’ve hurt a lot of people,” His face twists in regret and you nod in understanding. 

"I'm not going to hold that against you Joel," you assure him gently, the assurance seeming to lift a bit of the weight he's been carrying. His sigh reveals a certain sense of relief, as if your words have eased the burden a little bit.  

“You’re not?”

“No. I don’t care about the lives you’ve taken, Joel. I care about your life.” You whisper in confession.

“Oh.”

"I've hurt a lot of people too, if you've forgotten," you softly laugh, realising that you have in fact done the same. His laugh mixes with yours, easing the tension that had built between you for a moment. You both seem to understand that you've been through similar experiences, and that it's a part of the world you live in.

“Yeah, I guess you have.” 

You think back on the conversation you had as you walk home, focusing on the distant look that faded across his eyes as he discussed his acts of violence. You knew that look all too well, and you felt the same as him.

It had taken a few weeks before the whispers began spreading around Jackson when you arrived, and how brutal and cruel some said you were. After the first few attacks of raiders, people began crossing the street when they saw you coming, groups leaving their tables in the mess hall when you sat down to eat. 

They were scared of you. 

You knew that those accusations were accurate, as the cult had awakened something in you and your fights with raiders had become less about simply killing them to inflicting them with as much suffering as possible.

You just hope Joel doesn’t get the same warm welcome you had. 

As you begin to approach your house, you notice a flash of blonde braided hair. Emily kneels in the garden, carefully tending to the flowers while keeping her pale pink skirt from being dirtied in the process. Her blue cardigan is pushed up to her elbows to minimise the amount of dirt that is getting on it, even though her hands are already caked with dirt and dirt smudges cover her clothes.

She turns as she hears you approach and you can't help but smile as you notice the dirt smudges and the bits of grass that cover her face. “Hey Honey, thought I’d come over and pull some weeds before heading to the mess hall for dinner.” She explains herself and she stands from the ground, wiping her hands on her skirt and frowning at her dirty clothes. “Guess I got a bit carried away.” She chuckles and you shake your head as you stop in front of her. 

Emily's use of "Honey" pierces your heart in two. It's been so long since you've heard her call you that, a name that used to warm you and bring you great joy whenever she said it. She used to call you "Honey" after you became her most valued customer, even teasing you for your obsession with her honey. That's how you two had met and even though this reminder feels bittersweet, the pain is still sharp.

After Annabel's passing and the end to your relationship, Emily had begun tending to Annabel's garden in her absence. She had claimed that it was her own way of keeping Annabel alive, and you didn't want to take that from her. Emily had been a big part of Annabel's life for years and had lived with the two of you for some time. You had been a little family. 

That all fell apart when the Cult caught up to you, ripping your little family away from you. You had lost Annabel first, your world crumbling around you and your heart shattering, and then two months later Emily left. She knew the person that she fell in love with had died alongside Annabel, and that you would never be the same person again. That fact weighed heavily on your heart, and you struggled with the thought that she no longer loved the person you had become.   

"Hey Em" you greet her, walking past her and heading upstairs to your home to quickly change out of the clothes you've been wearing all day. You're desperate to wash off the grimy feeling that your body has taken on throughout the day, and the clothes are already stained in dirt and bits of grass, similar to Emily. 

You had expected Emily to return to the garden and continue tending to the flowers under lamplight as she normally would. Whenever you caught her in your gardens, she would greet you out of respect before turning her back on you and continuing her work. Instead, she breaks her pattern and continues the conversation. "You're back pretty late," she calls up to you from the bottom of the stairs, and you turn to face her with a soft frown. You're not used to being questioned in this way from her anymore and it catches you off-guard.

"Lost track of time," you reply with a dry and nonchalant tone. You shrug it off with an attitude of not wanting to explain yourself, and she shakes her head as if she doesn't believe your answer.

“You never lose track of time," she argues back and you feel your patience being tested. You sigh heavily, pinching the bridge of your nose and feeling your frustration building as you rest your hands on your waist, unsure how to deal with her and this conversation. “You’re always back before dark.” 

"Why are you here Em?" you ask, exhausted from the day and your patience already being stretched thin. You're tired from patrol and are not up for arguing or explaining yourself to her. You just want to get away to your room and have a minute of peace to yourself before heading over to Joel’s for dinner.

"People have been talking," she begins and you groan in response, digging your fingers into your waist as if it will soften the blow of what she's about to say. Of course people have been talking, and it's exactly what you've come to expect from this small town. “About Joel,” she continues after your groan and you glare down at her. 

She quickly avoids your gaze as if afraid of the reaction you will have to her words, instead beginning to fiddle with the bottom of her cardigan. "He's dangerous. I know he's Tommy's brother and you trust him because of that, but you need to be careful." She says, and your gaze hardens as you glare at her. Her voice is shaky and you can tell that she's struggling to find the words to convey her message. You angrily shake your head at her, as if furious that she even brought the topic up.

"Yeah?" you scoff, and she looks back at you with a look of shock on her face. "They said I was dangerous and you still fucked me," you reply back with the same vulgarity she gave you, hoping to get a reaction out of her by pointing out the hypocrisy of her statement.

"You're fucking him?" She questions you with a look of shock on her face. You dryly laugh, finding the way her accusation even more offensive considering how blatantly false it is. She doesn't let up, however, and her eyes narrow in contempt as she continues. "Is that why you're late getting back, too busy fucking him on patrol?"

"No Em, I'm not, but even if I was, it’s none of your business. You left me, remember?" you reply with a tired sigh, dropping your hands from your waist out of frustration that she's dragging you into this conversation at all. You want to leave and have a moment to just relax and unwind before any more stress gets added to the day, but she continues to push you, which is irritating you to no end.

"I still care" she argues back in reply and you're on the verge of screaming at her, but you decide to take a deep breath and let that anger dissipate into a small sigh that still holds a touch of annoyance in it.

You find that hard to believe, that she could muster up the will to care about you even though she left you at your lowest. You don’t want her to care. You’ve been doing just fine on your own.  

"Just…Go home Emily." You let your shoulders drop and attempt to release the tension that had been building up as the conversation continued. You have no patience left and you don't want to deal with this, not after all that's happened. So, you turn around and open the front door, leaving her alone at the bottom of the porch.

With the door shut, you collapse against it, sliding to the floor and pulling your knees to your chest. You let out a shaky breath, a single tear rolling down your face as a sob escapes your mouth and you bury your head in your knees. Your whole body is shaking and the sound of your sobs echo through the otherwise silent hallway. 

This house was so full of life, so full of smiles and laughter. Annabel running through with muddy shoes, you yelling at her to take her shoes off. The laughter that echoed through the house. Emily's singing as the two of you danced in the kitchen as you cooked. Those moments of playful arguments during board games and the sweet warmth that permeated the air. 

You lost it all. The life you had dreamed of had slipped away like sand in the wind. Everything you held dear to your heart, everything you had planned for, all of it was gone. All that was left were memories and pain, constantly haunting you and weighing heavy on your heart.

At least you hadn’t lost Tommy. If you had lost him too, you know you wouldn’t be here today. 

That thought launches your heart into your throat and you struggle to breathe, the overwhelming emotions shaking you as you continue to sob into your knees.  

Joel can wait.  

Joel is annoyed and concerned as he opens the front door and enters, expecting to hear Ellie's welcoming voice, but instead the only thing that greets him is silence. He stops for a moment and listens for any indication of movement, but he hears nothing but quiet. He sighs in frustration as he shuts the door behind him, irritated by how late she is. Of course she's not back yet, which is odd because she should have been back by now. 

He's about to call out to her but catches her as she emerges from the back door. She freezes in her tracks upon noticing Joel, a nervous smile slowly creeping onto her face. They are both silent for a moment, both waiting to see what the other will say or do. It's an awkward moment of uncertainty, the silence heavy.

"Oh, hey Joel" she mutters quietly and sheepishly greets him, her words coming out slow and dragging. Joel crosses his arms and raises his eyebrow at her, a look of suspicion and curiosity crossing his face as he takes in her nervous demeanour.

"You're late." He says dryly and in an unamused manner, taking in the sight of her and the way she's acting with a degree of suspicion. She seems nervous or afraid, like she's trying to hide something, and he's not willing to let that go unnoticed.

"You're late," she mirrors, mirroring not only his words but his stance and tone as well from the other end of the hallway. He can see her mimicking him and it's irritating him more than he'd like to admit. 

Joel breaks the tense gaze first after shaking his head, moving down the hallway and ascending the stairs. "We'll talk after I shower" he yells down at her from the top of the stairs, which is met with a groan and he can't help but smile. 

He won't let her see that though, he needs her to know he’s not impressed.

The tight band of his watch feels suffocating as he enters his room and heads towards his walk-in closet. He struggles to take off the watch and his fingers feel sluggish and unable to work the latch, the feeling of it clinging onto him like a living thing. He leans against the shelves in the closet, leaning back onto the clothes that are hanging from the rack above him. He closes his eyes and holds his watch in his hands as he thinks about Sarah, his mind wandering back to happier times with her.

Living with Ellie is bringing back so many old memories he tried to bury. He refuses to let Ellie see him like this. If she knew what living with her was doing to him, she’d pack up and move halfway across town. She already wants to move into the garage, that’s far enough. 

He doesn’t want Ellie to move into the garage, but it’s what she wants. She needs her own space. He thinks the garage is too far, but again, he won’t tell her that. 

He leans forward and shoves off his bag on top of the adjacent shelving unit scattered with shoes that he had begun collecting. He fumbles as he tries to strip off his clothes and throws them into the hamper beside him. Every motion feels like a struggle, as if he's struggling to remain himself and not lose control. He feels like he's suffocating in his own skin.

He stumbles into the shower and lets the water cascade down his face. He closes his eyes as the water hits him, almost as if he's not there anymore. He thinks about how long he can just stay here, how long he can stay in the water before he's forced to face everything again. His mind wanders to you and he knows that he doesn't want you to arrive for the dinner he promised until he gets the chance to compose himself. 

He hates feeling like this.  

"Thought you drowned up there." Ellie's mocking tone grabs his attention as he enters the kitchen, and he can't help but shake his head and smirk a little at her teasing. She is seated on top of the island countertop, peeling an orange as if this is perfectly normal.  

Joel is taken aback and surprised as he notices the black eye forming on Ellie's face. He takes a step towards her with the intention of reaching out to her, but she quickly pulls her face out of his reach and his hand stops in midair. It was as if she didn't want him to touch her or see how bad it was. His heart skips a beat as he's overcome by a sudden rush of concern for her.

"Who did that to you?" Joel demands, the sudden need to protect her overwhelming him and overpowering his previous depressive mood. He waits impatiently to hear her response, his eyes narrowing to focus on her face and try to read more details about what happened.

She shakes her head and avoids making eye contact with him, tilting her head down as her thick hair falls over her face. "Nothing happened." She lies, but her emotionless response tells an entirely different story. He knows that she is keeping something from him, but the question still remains. Who did this?  

He's not about to accept an obvious lie. 

"Bullshit Ellie, a black eye doesn't form out of nowhere." He snaps as he replies back with an edge in his voice, and Ellie's lack of reaction only makes him more frustrated. He reaches for her face and she allows him to touch her, lifting her head and pushing her hair out of her face so that he can get a better look. His chest tightens at the sight of the bruise forming and his brow furrows in concern. He isn't gonna stand by and let her make up this lie and keep something from him, especially something like this.

He notices that her hands have stopped peeling the orange and he can't help but wince as cuts and bruises litter her knuckles. "Ellie...." he starts to say, but there is a sense of sorrow as well as anger in his voice. He sees the injuries on her hands and they tell a disturbing truth of where that bruise is from.

"I don't like it here." She confesses softly, finally giving an emotionally honest reply but not one that's much better than her previous lie. Joel's heart sinks at her words, her emotions now finally in the open but for all the wrong reasons. He wants to take care of her and it's heartbreaking to see her hurting. He moves back towards the fridge and takes out a tray of ice along with a dish cloth from beside the sink.

"And that explains the black eye because..." He trails off, expecting her to finish his sentence. It could be that some part of her still doesn't feel comfortable enough to share that information with him, and at the moment he doesn't want to push her too hard. So, he accepts her vaguest of replies for the time being, letting his expression soften a little bit. The most important thing right now is making sure she's okay and that she doesn't have any other injuries he can't see. He scoops some ice into the cloth and wraps it up before putting the ice back into the freezer.  

"They just kept saying how much of a monster you are." Ellie mentions, a sad frown appearing on her face as Joel applies the makeshift ice pack to her eye. He gently presses it against her eye, trying to reduce the pain and swelling. He knows that she is holding back information from him, and it pains him that she even feels the need to do so. 

"People are going to say that stuff about me no matter where we go. Just gotta ignore them, kiddo." Joel replies with a sigh as he lets her take over holding the ice pack against her eye. He knows that it's inevitable that people are going to have their opinions, and the only thing they can really do is ignore them and move on with their lives as best they can.

The reputation he built in the Q.Z. would follow him wherever he went, his past life catching up to him no matter how hard he tries to leave it behind him. Whispers of his former actions and the life he once led haunt him and make it difficult to move forward in life. Losing Sarah had torn a hole in him that would never truly heal, altering his personality for the worse. 

"It's not your fault they're weak fucks." Ellie mutters under her breath in anger and Joel manages to hold back a laugh. She is right, but that behaviour can't be encouraged. He has no choice but to keep a stern face and be the adult, even though he's not sure if she'd truly listen if he were to say anything at this moment.

He nods as he leans against the counter in front of her, gripping onto the edge of the counter. "I know, kid, I know." He replies back and he tries to find the right words to get through to her. "Not everyone has had to deal with what it's like out there. They just don't understand." He says. "And that doesn't mean we punch them."

It's a bit disingenuous of him to say that considering he has punched people for less in the past, but it's still the right thing to say right now. Because while Joel's actions from the past have been a bit rash, he won't encourage Ellie to behave in the same way just because he did. They both may know he's being a little hypocritical, but neither of them mention that.

Ellie goes back to peeling her orange and breaks off a piece to eat, focusing her attention on her fruit. “Whatcha say I go get food from the mess hall and we watch some movies tonight until we pass out?” Joel asks, attempting to lift her mood and her face lights up at the suggestion. 

"Fuck yeah, we can!" Ellie cheers and jumps off the counter, her excitement and willingness to go along with his plan is infectious. Joel can't help but smile as he watches her, knowing that it was a good idea to propose even if her excitement is a little extra. 

His head snaps back to the thought of you – shit he had plans .

Ellie walks out of the room as he continues, raising his voice so she hears him. “Would it be okay if I invite someone to join us?” He asks and she slowly reenters the doorway.

She asks about who he's thinking of inviting and he mentions your name, along with the original idea of you coming for dinner tonight. “Oh, you mean the girl with the cool burns? Yeah, sure.” She doesn't seem phased by your presence and agrees to the invite but her smirk and the way she's leaning against the doorway catches his attention. "So is that why you look so nice?" She teases him and he gives her a glare in reply, although she doesn't seem to notice or mind too much, it's just another sign of their familiarity and their close relationship.

“Shut up.” He mumbles and she laughs before leaving the kitchen again.

He realises that a considerable amount of time has passed since you separated at the gates of Jackson and he starts to wonder where you are. Did you forget about dinner? Or did you simply decide that you didn't want to join him and Ellie for dinner? He is hesitant to let his mind wander down that path of thinking and the reason as to why you haven't gotten here yet but a small hint of anxiety and worry is steadily growing inside of him as time passes. 

Joel wanders into the living room and finds Ellie sorting through movies and he asks her to pick up three meals from the mess hall while he checks up on you since you still haven't arrived yet. He can see her about to complain but he quickly assures her that she can pick out whatever she wants and her mood instantly lightens at that.

The routes to your house are carved into his mind, so he's able to walk there easily and without having to focus too much on the actual path. Instead, his mind is in a flurry of thought and contemplation, his thoughts a mess of conflicting emotions and ideas. But there's one thing that comes to his mind the most and that is you. And if you don't show up soon, he might just lose his mind. 

The front garden is messy with small gardening tools scattered on the grass and dirt spilled from the garden bed, and his gaze travels towards that first rather than the door which he knocks on. This is rather unlike you, but he hopes that there's no reason to worry about this odd behaviour. He raps his knuckles on the front door, awaiting your response with some hint of mild anxiety.

Had you been gardening? At this hour?

He listens for footsteps but the house is quiet. 

He knocks again and calls out your name. 

Quiet. 

His hands shake as his anxiety builds to a fever pitch and he quickly turns the doorknob and opens the door despite this, calling out your name. When there's no response, he can't help but worry even more about the situation as his mind races with the myriad of possibilities that could have occurred.

The house is dark and dim, the only light available filtering in through the staircase leading to the second floor and illuminating the dark wood floors. His movements slow to a snail's pace as he enters and surveys the rooms surrounding him. He checks the living room ahead and finds no signs of you but does pause as he steps on the strap of your dropped bag, the contents spilling out at the bottom of the entryway. 

He calls your name again, the anxiety in his voice clear as his eyes dart around the room in search of any other potential sign of your presence here. Everything in your house has its place and remains neat and tidy. Something about your bag carelessly being thrown aside in a rush doesn't seem right and his mind is running with all the possibilities of what may have occurred. He doesn't want to believe that he needs to worry, but he can't deny that his heart is starting to skip a beat at the possibilities playing out in his head.

He jogs through the dining room and kitchen, hearing the distance patter of the shower above and immediately hurrying to take the stairs two at a time. The pace does not relent even as he makes his way to the landing with the three doors and he opens the door to his right but quickly closes it upon finding nothing but an empty bed in the corner of the room. Then, he turns towards the two remaining doors and slowly opens the one on the right which he assumes to be yours as the other has Annabel's name painted on it. He calls out your name but is met with an eerie silence that seems to pierce his heart with fear.

He would have loved to have really taken in the interior of your room, but the clothes and weapons that are thrown around the room catches his attention first which distracts him from anything else. He hears a soft sob and his head turns to the door between your desk and record stand. His foot halts its progress and his hand grips the bedroom door handle tightly. It takes everything in him to continue forward and he's not sure what it is that he is about to find when he pushes the door open, pushing your shirt across the floor but the curiosity and concern forces him forward. 

He calls your name again and proceeds to step over the gun and then knocks on your bathroom door. His heartbeat quickens as he hears another muffled sob from inside of the bathroom and the sound of the shower only adds to his concern. His body is trembling as he moves his hand to the handle of the door, unsure of how you will react to his intrusion but worried enough to push past that potential reaction. "Hey, I'm coming in, okay?" He asks nervously as he pushes the door open and reveals the inside of the bathroom.

As he pushes the door open, everything is cast in darkness and the sound of the shower grows louder as the door opens. He moves in and looks to the side to see you laying in the tub with your knees cradled to your chest and your back to him. His heart sinks to see you in this state as he walks over and leans over to turn off the cold shower. As soon as the sound of the shower stops, your soft cries grow louder in the silence and it makes it so much more difficult to bear the scene before him.

He kneels beside the bathtub and you don't move when he lays a hand on your shoulder. He expected you to flinch in response to his touch but your sobs only grew louder and more pitiful. "Oh, darlin’" he whispers softly as he stands back up, looking at you with a look of worry and pity. He rushes over to the sink and grabs a towel from the counter and turns back to face you. He kneels back down and leans down next to you in an attempt to comfort you.

He was just with you, you were laughing. You were okay.

What the fuck happened?

He carefully lifts you to sit in the bathtub, wrapping the towel around you and avoiding looking at your naked body. Your wet hair sticks to your face and back and the sight is enough to break his heart. Your state is pitiful and he can't help but feel an urge to shield you and shelter you from everything that's made you like this. 

"I'm going to pick you up, okay?" he asks you and when you don't reply he wraps an arm around your back and another arm snakes under your knees. He grunts at the added weight to his knees when he lifts you and you wrap your fingers into the soft fabric of his shirt as your face nestles into his chest. 

He nudges the bathroom door fully open and carefully seats you onto your bed. Your face remains angled towards your lap as you sniffle while he crouches in front of you and pushes the wet strands of hair back behind your ear. His gaze remains steady and concerned while he watches you try and compose yourself for a time while his hand still cups the back of your head and guides your face so that it's looking directly into his own.

"Have you taken anything?" he asks quietly and you sniffle, shaking your head in response. He stares at you for a moment before finally nodding when he's satisfied that you’re telling the truth. "Do you want me to go get Tommy?" he asks but there's no need as you violently shake your head in protest and tears start to flow down your face again. His heart breaks further at the sight of your despair as he watches as more and more tears fall from your eyes and your facial expression remains miserable.

"Okay, okay. No Tommy" he reassures you while he tightens his fingers on the back of your neck, gently wiping away the tears flowing down your face with his free hand. His gentle caress offers only minimal comfort as the tears continue to fall more and more and your expression doesn't change. It's hard to see you in such a distraught state but he can't seem to do anything to ease your sorrow.

Joel hesitantly stands and removes his hands from you, letting you slump sideways into your bed and curl against your knees much like how he found you in the bath. He tries to avert his eyes as the towel doesn't adequately cover you.

He moves to your dresser at the end of your bed and digs through your drawer. He grabs what he assumes is a pair of pyjamas, and then turns back towards you.

He places the pyjamas beside you and turns to leave the room, but just before he can reach the door, he hears your shaky, broken voice. “Please don't leave me.” Your plea cuts straight through him and shatters whatever's remaining of his heart into a million pieces. His hand falls away from the door as his eyes are unable to tear away from you as he turns to face you.

"I'm not goin' anywhere, darl" Joel reassures you warmly and steps back into the middle of the room. 

Your movements are slow and become more lethargic as you reach for your clothes and focus on dressing yourself. He turns away from you and focuses on the record cabinet next to your bathroom door. His gaze travels along the wall and settles on the dark green flower wallpaper covering all four walls with the similar green panelling on the bottom half of the walls. The only sound that fills the room besides your shuffling and footsteps as you dress yourself is the muffled silence between you two.

You speak with a broken voice and a hoarse tone that sounds strained and raw from your previous crying. "How do you do it?" you ask, seeming to genuinely want an answer that you have not been able to find for yourself. 

Joel asks softly and soothingly, "How do I do what darlin’?" as he crouches in front of your record collection and flicks through your vinyls. He remains silent and patient while he awaits your answer and he nods subtly in appreciation of your extensive collection of vinyls. 

Your movements come to a sudden halt and Joel hears you sitting on the bed. He looks over his shoulder with a sense of apprehension and caution and notices you’ve dressed and are settling into place just a few feet away. He straightens his legs to stand up as his knees crack and the sound creates a small echo in the quiet space. 

Your eyes are bloodshot from your previous tears as you look up at him and he freezes up as soon as he hears your voice.  “How did you deal with losing Sarah?” You ask and he stares down at you for a moment before letting out a sigh.

Joel nods to himself as he blankly stares at the wall above your bed, covered with multiple pieces of artwork with mismatched frames like the rest of your house. His eyes dart around to see what hangs on the walls and lands upon a sketched portrait of a skeleton. Other paintings of crows, black cats, landscapes and insect anatomy sketches fill your wall, seemingly suiting the mood of the situation as your room seems oddly melancholy for a place where you spend so much time. 

The thought of the room fitting your personality crosses his mind as he continues to stare at the wall of artwork and at the portrait of the skeleton. He reflects upon the fact that you tend to notice things that others overlook and find beauty in things that others turn their heads away from. 

A bottle of pills on the corner of your desk beside the bed catches his eye and he can't help but notice the label that reads Lexapro. His mind is flooded with thoughts from a conversation that he and Tommy had a few weeks ago in which his brother mentioned he had traded for a few bottles of Lexapro for you and for himself. 

He picks up the bottle along with the glass of water next to it and turns his head back to you and makes his way to sit on the damp bed beside you. He settles down next to you and remains silent for a while as he thinks of his reply as it’s a loaded question. He offers the bottle to you and you reluctantly take it from his hand. His focus is on you as you remain seated on the bed and he doesn't have the heart to look away or make any sudden moves to interrupt this moment.

He hands you the glass of water and waits patiently as you take a pill from the bottle and pop it into your mouth. He watches as you swallow it down with the water before he takes the glass and bottle back from you and places it on top of the desk. 

You sit beside him and he meets your pleading gaze with his own. Your eyes are filled with all of the sorrow and pain that you have been through and there's a desperate and almost begging look as you try to get him to give you the answers that you so desperately need. He softly rests a hand on your thigh and sighs once more, his eyes not breaking from your own. 

He softly confesses after a moment, "I didn't" in response to your begging look and your eyes close once again. He can feel the sadness in you and he doesn't know what to do to take it away.

"I still see her everywhere I go. I hear her everywhere.” He chokes on his words and runs a hand over his face before he continues. “Sometimes... All it takes is someone to come into your life and fill that hole." he speaks more to himself and a gentle sorrow seems to grip him as his eyes fixate on his own legs instead of your face.  

"Ellie?" you ask in a soft and gentle voice and he nods, looking back up at you once more. You have such understanding and compassionate eyes as you look back at him, which he is thankful for, but he can still see the disappointment and sadness in them and he's not entirely sure how he's supposed to ease any of the pain that losing a kid has caused you and that hurts him immensely.

He removes his hand from your thigh and wraps his arm around your shoulder, gently pulling you into his side. You let out a deep and heavy sigh as you're pulled into his side, as if all the weight of your worries and sorrow has been lifted from your body. He feels his heart slowing down and his own breathing becoming a bit lighter and easier, and for a moment, he feels a warmth wash over his body, one that's been missing for so long. 

"I've got Ellie getting us dinner from the mess hall. I was thinking about having a movie night, you up for that?" he asks and you gently nod into his shoulder. A small amount of relief washes over him as he feels your nodding and your response is reassuring. "Good," he replies, as he pulls you a little bit closer, "Because I ain't leaving you here like this."

Ellie doesn't seem to pay any mind to your current state as he settles you down on the couch in his living room. He drapes blankets over your body and hands you a chicken salad sandwich before you offer your thanks. Ellie lays on the other couch as he sits beside you, your legs resting over his lap and he turns both of your attentions towards the television which plays some sort of comedy movie.

However, Joel’s not really paying any attention to the movie. He’s more focused on you, stealing glances to make sure you’re okay while his hand gently rubs your legs in comfort. It takes until halfway into the movie before you smile and Joel sinks into the couch, relieved. 

Ellie jumps from her spot on the couch just as the second movie's credits begin to roll. "I think it's time for a horror movie." She declares as her knees hit the floor with a thud and Joel glances towards her with a small sigh. He's a little too exhausted himself to care which movie she picks and so he simply rolls his head around and turns back towards you while you lie there sleeping. You're snuggled up tightly in the blankets and your hands hold them close to your face, keeping you from the world that is beyond the layers of soft cloth that wraps around you in such comfort.

“Maybe we put a pause on this.” Joel suggests as he watches the peaceful look on your face, a stark contrast from the mess he had found you in earlier in the night. 

Ellie turns to face him with a look of horror on her face and frowns. "You said until we pass out." she argues and she groans as her eyes land on you and she notices how calmly you're sleeping. "That's not fair, she doesn't count!" she whines and slumps her shoulders in a pouty way. 

Joel slowly rolls his head to face Ellie, raising his eyebrows at her as if daring her to carry on. She groans loudly before dramatically falling back onto her back as if she’s dead. After a dramatic pause, she lets out a long drawn-out " fine " and slowly drags herself to her feet using an almost sluggish or lazy movement. 

Joel's lips twitch into a small smile at her dramatic theatrics and his face lightens to find humour in her actions. But the smile quickly fades as if it was never there as she turns to face him again and points at him with a single finger. "You owe me though, old man." she warns and then she proceeds to drag her feet out of the room towards the stairs that lead to the room she is currently using upstairs until the garage is finally ready for her to move into.

The garage would have been ready last week if Joel hadn't been procrastinating in finishing the job. He just can't face the reality of Ellie moving out of the house, even if it's just to the small building outside. It is this thought exactly that makes him delay and put off the job until the very last minute, trying to buy himself just a bit more time. He finds that every time he approaches the garage, something comes up that distracts him and pulls him away from the task at hand, just delaying the inevitable and prolonging his procrastination.

He’ll have to finish it soon though. Ellie deserves whatever she wants. Unfortunately, she wants to live in the garage.  

His eyes wander on your sleeping form and he thinks about what to do. He considers the possibility of leaving you asleep on the couch but he knows that your back will start to hurt in the morning if you stay like that. Plus he would much rather have you sleep in his bed where you can rest comfortably and safely while he suffers from a bad back tomorrow morning after sleeping on the couch. He knows that you need a good sleep and he can manage with the pain for one night in order to ensure you get that.

He leans over and gently nudges your leg to wake you but you don't stir. Your peaceful slumber is too calming and you remain at peace despite his attempts to wake you. He sighs as he sees that you're not budging from your sleep and he removes your legs from him as he stands from the couch. His own exhaustion from the day is weighing heavily on him as he leans over again and nudges your shoulder as he tries to rouse you one more time. 

You’re dead asleep. 

He removes the blankets from your body and you remain perfectly still. He checks your breathing to make sure you're not actually dead but you seem to be slumbering peacefully, your chest slowly rising and falling with each breath that you take. 

For a second time tonight, Joel wraps an arm around your back and the other slides under your knees as he lifts you from the couch. With both hands under you, he grunts with the effort of lifting your dead weight. There's a pain in his lower back as he lifts you and he clenches his jaw tight to prevent himself groaning out in pain. He holds you carefully but firmly in his arms and adjusts you as necessary before beginning to head towards his room with you in his arms.

You stir at the movement and a soft frown forms on your face as you barely moan in your sleep. You shift closer to him and lean your head into his chest seeking comfort and warmth. Your face buries into his chest as your body leans against him.

As he walks up the stairs towards his bedroom, he glances down at you clinging to his shirt and he thinks back to the conversation that you had earlier in the day by the lake. While you had laid by the lake together, you had told him that you didn't care about the lives he had taken and the only thing that mattered to you was his life . When you had spoken those words, it took all of his willpower not to pull you into his arms and kiss you like his life depended on it. 

He lays you in his bed and pulls the blankets over you with care. He wants to kiss you now as badly as he did earlier by the lake but instead, he just pushes the hair from your face and gently kisses your temple. Your face buries itself into the covers as you subconsciously nestle yourself further into his bed and he watches as you smile softly in your sleep. His hand rests softly on your cheek before he takes a step back and turns to the door. 

Joel makes it to the archway of his bedroom and almost to the bedroom door before your voice rings out from the bed as you call out to him. Your half-conscious voice is laced with a desperate tone as you lie on your elbows and look over at him. “Please don’t leave me.”

Joel turns off the lights and hears you sink back into his bed with a sense of relief as he makes it clear that he won't be leaving you. He stops at the side of his bed and picks up a spare pillow from the ground, placing it between you as he slides under the covers. He knows that his body will instinctively seek out your warmth as he sleeps. Last thing he wants is for you to freak out when you wake up to his arms wrapped around you. 

He lays there for what feels like hours, staring up into the darkness of his room as he listens to your breathing slow down again as you fall back asleep. All he wants to do is to roll over and bring your body close to his, to comfort you. 

But he can’t. 

He shouldn’t

Instead, he lays there quietly, allowing the silence and peace to devour him as he listens to your tranquil breathing. 

His chest suddenly tightens and his mind wanders to a darker place as he thinks about the moment when he found you laying in the bathtub. If he hadn't heard you crying, he would have thought that you were dead, and for a moment, he thought that he may have indeed lost you. It's a thought that nearly sends chills down his spine and he shakes his head slightly as he attempts to dispel the thought. But the memory lingers long in his mind and he finds difficulty in forgetting that frightening moment.

He had never been more relieved to see your body shake as you sobbed. 

He looks over at you in the darkness and can barely make out the outline of your body, but it provides him with a sense of comfort to know you’re close to him. You are still there, your body gradually rising and falling with each breath that you take. You’re alive. 

And it’s with that thought in his mind, that he finally falls asleep. 

And it’s the sound of Tommy slamming his fists into his front door that wakes him early the next morning. 

He finds himself awake with a frown on his face and rubs his tired eyes open as the morning light beams in through the window on the other side of the room. He blinks a few times and groans softly as his eyes adjust to the light. He closes them again and presses his face back into the pillows before burying his head deeper into the covers to seek out the comfort of the darkness and hope to return to sleep.

“Joel!” Ellie yells at him from her room and he groans again as he pushes himself from his bed. He freezes in his tracks and his heart skips a beat as he finds you are right here next to him, hugging that damned pillow. If it wasn't for that goddamn pillow dividing you, you would have been wrapping your warm and affectionate arms around him instead. His stomach churns with a mixture of frustration and disappointment.

He hears Tommy's voice from downstairs as he also hears the front door open and the sound of his brother's loud footsteps. He rips his eyes away from you and stands back up to his feet as his bones begin to ache and his body creaks from sleep. He groans slightly as he moves his body, every fibre in his being wanting nothing more than to just lie back down beside you in that bed, with or without that stupid pillow. 

"I'm coming!" He shouts a reply as he moves himself towards the bedroom door and down the stairs. His brother, Tommy, is waiting at the bottom of the staircase as he stumbles towards him, rubbing his eyes and yawning as he struggles to fight off the fatigue that his body is currently engulfed with.

"I can't find her." He exclaims in panic and Joel can't help but yawn again as Tommy trails along behind him and into the kitchen. He stops in the middle of the room and glances around the space, his mind still half-asleep and he tries to remember where he put the damn coffee. 

He asks back, "Find who?" as he proceeds to open a few cupboards in search of the coffee.

Tommy mentions your name and before Joel can offer a response, Tommy keeps speaking nervously and feverishly. "I went to her house this morning and it was a mess and she wasn't there," he rambles with a growing panic in his voice. "Her room is always clean Joel, something's not right." 

Joel smiles as he locates the coffee and he sets it down on the counter as he listens to his brother's ramblings. When he runs out of words, Joel places a hand on his shoulder to stop him from speaking any more and then he proceeds to make his coffee.

"She's upstairs sleeping," Joel comments as he yawns yet again.

Tommy's head snaps to the direction of the stairs. "Why is she upstairs?" He asks Joel with a frown and an incredulous look, clearly confused by the response given after the worry and panic he had just expressed regarding your wellbeing.

Joel proceeds to explain how he had found you last night while he continues to make his coffee, making enough for you if you wanted any. Although, he doesn't have any honey… He should get some honey.

He explains everything to Tommy who stands there looking both surprised and worried about the whole situation.

"Why didn't you come get me?" He asks Joel as he pours his coffee into the cup. There's a hint of an accusatory and irritated tone to the question and it's written all over his face. The reason for his annoyed and frustrated mood is clear, though he doesn't speak it out loud.

Joel pauses for a moment, debating whether or not to tell Tommy the exact reason why he didn't come to get him. Tommy's eyes widen in question at the silence that follows his accusation and he knows that he's already on thin ice. Joel sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he prepares himself.

"I asked her, she didn't want you." He sighs as he finally takes a sip of his coffee and he feels his body relax a bit as the caffeine flows into his system.

Tommy scoffs at Joel's response and shakes his head, dismissing the idea outright and seeming rather upset about the information given to him. "What do you mean she didn't want me? You don't know what she wants." Tommy retorts back rather aggressively and defensively, seeming to be completely unwilling to accept the truth at the moment.

“Tommy-”

"No, Joel, you should have come and got me," Tommy protests firmly and Joel sets his coffee down on the counter behind him, preparing himself to calmly and rationally deal with his emotional younger brother's outburst. “You don’t know what she’s like when she’s like that… What she could have done.” He pauses as he runs a hand over his face and sighs. “Joel – I can’t lose her.”

"I had it under control," Joel attempts to explain to Tommy, but his younger brother just shakes his head again, dismissing his words.

Joel is starting to lose his patience with his stubborn and emotional sibling as Tommy shakes his head at him and mutters an insulting response. "You're the last person I expect to have that under any kind of control," Tommy retorts with a mocking tone in his voice as he deliberately looks away from Joel.

Joel crosses his arms over his chest as he leans against the counter in a defensive and protective stance. "Yeah? And what’s that supposed to mean?" He replies back to Tommy in an irritated and frustrated manner. 

Tommy pushes himself from the counter and starts to physically approach Joel who is still leaning against the counter. "It means," Tommy begins in a rather condescending tone as he takes a step towards Joel, clearly not in the mood to be playing polite. "That you're too fucked up in the head to know how to help someone."

Joel shakes his head and looks down at Tommy as he steps up into his personal space. "Oh come on, you're no better than me," Joel snaps at his brother, his temper already running high at the moment and his patience rapidly approaching its limits.

“At least I didn’t try and shoot my brains out.” 

That comment stings harder than Joel ever would have expected it to and his heart drops at Tommy's harsh words. A slight throb on the side of his head where his scar is makes his chest feel as if he's being suffocated and he tries to hold in his tears. He forces himself to try and maintain a calm and collected demeanour in front of his brother, even through the overwhelming tide of emotions that are currently threatening to overtake him, along with how much he wants to punch him. He clears his throat and replies, his voice breaking slightly, "Get out.”

He picks up his mug of coffee and focuses on watching the swirl of the liquid as Tommy finally seems to realise that he has struck a nerve with his last comment. Tommy sighs. “Joel – I didn’t mean–” 

“Out.” He repeats himself and Tommy nods, turning and leaving the kitchen. He slams the door on his way out. 

Once Tommy is out of sight, Joel finally releases a shaky breath as he clutches his shirt and closes his eyes, trying to calm himself and clear his thoughts. The liquid in his coffee mug is shaking due to his unsteady hands and he places it down on the counter as he struggles to control the overwhelming emotions that are threatening to overwhelm him. It takes everything in him just to keep himself from breaking down in tears right there and then.

Even though years have passed since he took that drastic action, the memory of his failed attempt never truly leaves his mind. He still carries the physical scar on the side of his head around with him as a heavy reminder. He's in a better place now, in his mind at least, but Tommy’s words certainly threaten to drag him back to that dark place again. 

His thoughts are torn away instantly at the sound of soft footsteps pattering into the kitchen and he raises his head and looks over at you as you enter the room. Joel straightens himself instantly as he doesn't want to let you see the emotional state he was in just now. He's looking after you, not the other way around. As you finish rubbing your eyes, he manages a small, tired and reassuring smile in your direction.

"Was that Tommy?" You ask Joel as you yawn and make your way in his direction. You push yourself up onto the kitchen counter and he finds himself unable to help but let his gaze fall upon you. The soft and peaceful aura you project is almost otherworldly and he finds himself entranced in your presence, forgetting for a moment about the emotional state he had been in before you had walked into the room.

He nods with a small hum and his attention is taken from you for a moment as he places the freshly made coffee in your hands. The smile on your face in reply to this small gesture makes his heart ache for a different reason to before. The sight of you with your eyes half-closed due to your recent yawning, only serves to further endear you to him and he can't help but allow his lips to soften into a small smile.

"How you feelin'?" Joel asks you as he picks up his own mug, now in a slightly better mood and his emotional state from his brief argument with Tommy seems to be completely absent now that he's talking to you. 

“A lot better. Thanks for last night, sorry you had to deal with that.” Your attempt to apologise is immediately disregarded and Joel's hand is held out to stop you from feeling the need to express any form of guilt or remorse.  

"You have nothin’ to be sorry about," he replies and you nod as you take another sip of the coffee. 

He looks back to you a moment later and his gaze trails to your lips as he watches you take another sip. The image of your lips against the edge of the mug is almost hypnotic to him and he can't help but wonder for just a moment what it would feel like to have your lips on him instead. 

He looks away as Ellie’s stomping feet trail down the stairs. She appears in the kitchen moments later with a twisted face and mutters her disapproval about being woken so early by Tommy. She opens the fridge and takes out a small jug of freshly squeezed orange juice and she sniffs the air, scrunching her nose before looking over at you. “Ugh. you drink coffee too?” she questions with a groan as she pours herself a glass of juice.

Joel settles into the background as the two of you jokingly argue whether coffee is good or not and he's content to just listen to your banter knowing that he can afford to sit back and relax for the moment. A content smile rests on his lips as he listens to the both of you arguing over coffee and he feels a sense of warmth settle over his chest as he's reminded of how innocent and peaceful the two of you can be. 

Although he knows that things can't always be perfect and happy like this, he still can't help but wish it was. The thought of things always being smooth and free of any stress or anxiety is a pleasant one, especially when he knows how rare such peace truly is. This moment reminds him that such a feeling is at least possible, if only briefly.

He wants nothing more than to erase the bruise from Ellie’s face and to remove the hurt that sits deep in your heart from the loss you've experienced.

In that precise moment, he is content to see nothing but happiness and peace in their eyes, and he wishes he could erase any form of pain from their existence and make it so that they never experience such grief again. He wants nothing more than to see them happy and content, and if that involves him sacrificing a piece of himself to make things better, he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

For his girls, even if you aren’t his.

Chapter 9

Notes

This is a heavy chapter so my apologies.

I rewrote the scene where Joel's in the room with her while she changes three times. I couldn't decide what I wanted him to be doing in that moment. I had wrote him dressing her but it felt wrong, as she's capable of dressing herself. I don't know but i hope this version is good!

I also tried to write about their grief but didn't want to spend an enormous amount of time on it but also didn't want it to feel rushed, so hope i found a good balance.

The number of times i wanted to rip my own heart out writing this chapter -- wow

70K into this fic and bed-sharing, wow. The fluff is in full now.

Divider by the beautiful saradika

[witchthewriter]

𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 @chickvicks.

I just want to quickly add some words of gratitude. You've been so lovely to interact with, and it genuinely boosts my self-esteem and want for writing. You also said that you like to write and if you ever post it, I would love to read it! Thank you for being so kind and gentle xx

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑷𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓! He understands the importance of kindness and how it can affect another person entirely. He grew up under the staircase, barely any room for himself to grow, to be his own person. After the events of Voldemort, Harry found himself a little lost. There was no all-consuming evil to vanquish, and that's when he met you. Or rather, his attention moved to you - since you had been going to the same school together all these years.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

You wouldn't think coming from the same Hogwarts House would mean much but GOD IT DOES. Randomly reminiscing about the common room, Fred and George's pranks, how warm it always felt; even on the coldest nights

You had known of THE Harry Potter ever since your first year. Always aquaintances but never more.

With the war over, and Harry free to make his own choices, his world becme a lot bigger.

When your sitting on the couch together, Harry loves stroking your hair, your cheek, your forehead.

Gave you the most beautiful piece of jewellery for your first year anniversary and you wear it everyday

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Edith's Theme by Fernando Velazquez

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Constant Banter

Acts Then Thinks (Harry) x Thinks Before They Act (You)

Home Is Wherever You Are

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Both Wary of Love & Don’t Think This Can Be Real

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

The way you think of how other's might feel in certain situations. You make people feel at ease - mamy have said they feel like they've returned home whenever they see your smiling face. To Harry, you're a solice. You give him so much more than peace. You make up for the horrible childhood he had. (Literally the Dursley's were the worst??)

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger - you three are a force to be reckoned with. Hermione is the brains, Ginny is the hands and you're the heart. Your friendship will go on for years to come. (And no Ginny isn't upset that you and Harry got together, I have this headcanon that she's pansexual and ends up with Luna!)

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mixture of Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom. I think your kindness is your most prominent attribute that people remember you by. It isn't negative in any way at all. They just see you as the kind Gryffindor girl!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

Unlike many of the felines at Hogwarts, your pet couldn't care less about being outside and exploring. Curiosity was not for this kitty. He loves sleeping, or pretending to sleep just so you can play with his paws or rub his nose.

𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒔 𝑻𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒚𝒆𝒏! She has so much heart - and loves very deeply. There isn't a time when her emotions don't overwhelm her. She has so much patience with you; because she knows that you respect her and of course she respects you. I just think you two would be such a power couple!

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Dany hates being away from you, so typically wherever she goes so do you. However, if there is any chance of danger, she will not allow you to go (well, that's before you bond with your dragon...)

You wear matching braclets, they're both made of gold with Old Valyria inscribed on them. They say, "neverending," (meaning your love is neverending; even after death)

You're the only person to truly see Dany open up and laugh. Yes, she does smile in public, but no one else has seen her goofy side like you have

When you bonded with one of her dragons, she was shocked. This was before you had gotten together, and a part of her didn't want one of her children to bond with anyone else. But you didn't fly away with your dragon. You wanted to stay with Dany - with THE Mother of Dragons

She loves gifting you flowers, and loves it when you wear one behind your ear. It makes her feel giddy inside

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Sirens by Ludwig Gorransson

(I feel like this needs a bit of an explanation. So the relationship between you and Dany is passionate, it's instinctual and she would do anything for you. This song implants this image of you and Dany atop your mounts, flying towards an enemy, whose waiting to negotiate)

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

The Moon & Her Star

Keeps strong eye-contact (Dany) x Literally can't look in their eyes (You)

Tragic Past x Ray of Light

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Damsel in Distress

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

She actually really likes your stubborness. Everyone else in her life seems to gently tell her what she should and shouldn't do. While you will outright tell her with your full chest. It's never without kindness, but you tell her what she needs to hear and she really admires that about you

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Even though it doesn't fit with the storyline, I think your best friend would be Sansa or Margaery. Your loyalty would mean so much to them, especially Sansa, who grew up not knowing who to trust.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix between Missandei and Margaery. I think yes, you have a quiet side, but you have the ability to sway others with your kindness and your attitude. It's your power!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

The one, the only and the motherfricken beautiful - 𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐍! The youngest of Dany's three dragons, Viserion is the least grouchy and prefers to snuggle and fly than to fight.

Whether you're a distant Targaryen, Velaryon or a Dragonseed, it doesn't matter - you're a dragonrider through and through. And Dany absolutely loves it.

There's no one else who would bond with Viserion like you would.

𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 & 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐄

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑱𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝑭𝒂𝒉𝒆𝒚! It may be surprising to get this as a ship, but trust me, hear me out - okay? This is a bit of an opposites attract type of relationship. You have a similar personality/aura to Wylan.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Loves spending all day in bed with you, arms wrapped tightly around you so you cannot move.

Calls you, "love," "sweetheart," "sugarlips," - just really silly but endearing pet names.

Hesitant to show you his life at the Crow Club. He didn't want you to think he was a dangerous person - someone you needed to be wary of. (But you never thought that for a second...he'd already told you about how much he misses his fricken goat).

LOVES wearing matching outfits - or matching something. He also likes it when you wear his clothes, it makes him feel primal. And he doesn't normally feel that masculine feeling

You're the only one who can stop him from doing ridiculous crap. You're his voice of reason, and the only one he truly listens to

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Violino by Piero Piccioni

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Oblivious (Jesper) x Constantly admiring them (You)

You Fell First, But They Fall Harder

Tol x Smol  

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Opposites Attract

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

How you allow space for Jesper to talk about his true feelings. He doesn't feel the need to constantly hide behind humour instead of facing how he feels. You help him to figure out what's going on, on the inside.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Inej! I think you two would have such a close friendship. You would have so many sleepovers, that started off with you being scared to sleep in your own room at the clubhouse (or wherever the crows stay). From there your friendship just bloomed. It felt like you knew each other for years.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mixture of Wylan and Nina - kindness, warmth, friendliness, you welcome people with both arms. You seem like one of those people who would be the ultimate friend.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

Yes, your pet is a literal crow.

Fun fact but crows remember who are nice to them and who are not. And that's how you became friends with this one - you kept feeding him, leaving shiny things on your window sill, and he kept coming back.

[oops-its-a-fanwork]

Borrowed the one piece pirate au from @mega-punani again, check 'm out! Part 2 of reader with different devil fruit abilities:

Reader with devil fruit: Communication fruit!

After eating the fruit, you have gained the ability to have some degree of communication with any other living being based on its intelligence/sentience, its needs and its ability to communicate. For example: you may communicate very simple concepts with plants (intelligence), like if they've gotten enough sunlight (the plant's needs), by touching or being near them, as plants don't communicate with body language or sound but with chemicals (their way of communicating). You can't ask a plant if they've seen a specific person though, because the plant can't see or hear, and likely wont recognize who walked past. A falcon, however, might be asked to look for someone with a certain description, and can communicate back with some details it's seen and the direction they're headed in, bc they're a hunter who uses sight to track prey!

Communicating with people is more like what we're used to, but there's still some things to note. You can now communicate with anyone speaking any language, and you can hear the intention they speak with. The effect is not applicable to written text though, Cowabummer :( Additionally, you can't lie in languages you are not fluent in, since people will always hear the intention you're speaking with. You have adapted to this by being some definition of blunt, but since your intention can be felt when you speak, its rare for people to get mad at you for this: it always feels sincere, even if it would sound rough from someone else. However if you're mad at someone, its near impossible for them not to feel some of that spite.

On to the boys!

Lie detection? Is that supposed to intimidate you? Sorry Sans, but that's just your life. Your honesty is probably what got his attention in the first place, and even after learning the reason for it he still truly appreciates it. You talk and joke together all the time, and you're always bugging him about using his judgement on the flies and fish around the ship to see if it works. He tells you it wouldn't work because a fly doesn't need to lie. You agree but you pester him about it anyway. He's not a huge fan of you being able to detect his true feelings (how's your own power taste sucker!), but you always handle them with respect which he appreciates. In fact, being on the receiving end of something like this makes him a little bit more considerate towards the people he uses his judgement eye on. Mainly because you're right next to them giving him the stink eye, though.

Oh so refreshing, someone as genuine as Papyrus is like a breath of fresh air! He just says what he feels, and its usually positive too! You're a little less likely to become a blushing mess if he flirts with you while intending it platonically, but the amount of genuine positivity he showers you with may leave you flustered anyway. You help him out in the garden a lot, and he is very happy to have you tell him exactly what each plant needs. You both have, in the past, named some of the plants for fun. But you guys got attached... Now plants only get a name if they either live for a long time (like Patricia the grapevine) or if they can be named after the dish they will be used in (like Stir-Fry the cauliflower).

Blue often brings interesting plants and animals onto the ship to ask you what they're saying. It's usually something along the line of 'God help me I'm gonna get eaten by this big strong predator!-' but you can usually help ease the creature into relaxing. You both admire them for a bit and ask some questions, then put it back where you found it. ...Unless it says it wants to stay here, where it feels safe and protected. The both of you are softies, and Edge has had to chase both of you quite a few times in order to stop the ship from turning into the ark of Noah. Although the time you guys managed to sneak in a pair of ostriches and their young and hide them away for 2 days was admittedly quite impressive!

Stretch doesn't believe you when you say you can't lie. That would be awfully convenient wouldn't it? He won't fall for those kinds of lies, no matter how charming you are. And then Sans has to ruin it by saying you're not lying when you say that. That being said… Please stop giving him genuine compliments. He can feel how true they are to you and how is he supposed to respond to that?? He's gonna damage his banjo with how hard he grips it when you do that, give a guy a break! He kinda wishes he could make you feel his true intentions when he sings to you… Well, here's to trying right? At some point he might try to play and sing songs in different languages for you, just to see when you can or can't understand the lyrics. It's a fun little experiment for you both, and it makes him try way more different genres and cultural classics than before. It's a real win-win!

Hey another blunt person! Welcome to the club darlin'. Oh you didn't intend to be? That's still hilarious love. Red can really appreciate both someone who's very honest and clear, and someone he can tease. So whether you're a blunt hard worker who doesn't take shit, or a slightly bashful person who just can't lie even if they wanted to, this is a great deal for him. When he tells you you're cute he means it and he thrives of of your flustered reactions. He asks you to tell the rats to fuck off not chew on important stuff on the ship, and to tell Doomfanger to stop snitching on him to Edge when she catches him lazing about. Which leads to him being effectively extorted into giving her some of his dinner every day. Edge is gonna notice eventually anyway, either because he realizes she does it less, or because he notices her getting chubby.

I think that since Edge loves archeology, he might be interested in different cultures as well as their histories. That being said, you have some stories to tell him about different places you have visited and the stories people told, and the both of you ask locals about interesting historical events and myths from the area when you get the chance to. You even share a little notebook you write these down in, and you only occasionally doodle little drawings next to the texts. He loves tolerates them, and only nags about them when they bleed onto the next page. Speaking of which, Edge's nagging is incredibly endearing when you can feel how sweet his intentions are. There's no intimidation factor left to be honest. You make sure to treat him sweetly in response, resulting in a slightly confused, but pleased (and bright red) skeleton.

Razz thinks your skills could make communicating with the locals about the surrounding area much easier! Not that he wants to talk to anyone mind you, but he'll have you act as an interpreter for him when necessary. Not to mention you being able to talk to fish and other water creatures makes mapping underwater areas interesting option too! It's never been done before, which sounds like a challenge for someone magnificent~ ! Boasting aside, it truly is a genuinely good and helpful idea! Locating jagged rocks for boats to avoid could make areas much safer to navigate and could open up new trade routes for locals in rough territory. Not to mention locating sunken ships full of treasure sounds like a real adventure!

You can immediately pick up on it if Cash wants something for suspicious reasons, (and, more rarely, for non-suspicious reasons,) which makes you one of the very few people able to understand his reasoning and intentions pretty quickly (not as good as Razz, but pretty close in such a short time). This makes him... awkward, for a while. He can't even hide behind a mischievous mask with you when his intentions change from "bothering you because he's bored" to "bothering you because he wants your affection attention". He comes around after you insist on being around him and treating him kindly even after, well, everything, and it makes him especially soft on you. He's still a mischievous dork, of course, but he's very relaxed with you, to the point where you could even nap in the same room as him and not get pranked!! ...occasionally ;3

…oh no.... You're talking to the herbs in Paps' garden again. You do realize we're gonna eat that right?? Do you really want to become friends with it??? Bear actually isn't entirely wrong there: you can't join him when he's preparing fresh food, but luckily most fruits and veggies are not an entire plant, but only a part of one. You have also assured him that you have come to terms with the fact that something has to die in order for you to eat: that's just nature, you see it around you all the time. He actually really appreciates that sentiment more than you may have realized, given what he and Cinnamon went through. He may not tell you that, but you can feel the relief in his sigh. This also makes him feel more at ease creating vegetarian dishes just for you if you'd prefer them: you're not judging anyone on the ship for choosing otherwise.

Welcome to the extra senses club!! You and Cinnamon talk and relate a lot about the ways you perceive the world, and the way the world perceives the both of you. Actually, Cinnamon turns into a bit of a philosopher when you talk about yourself and about the life experiences of different creatures. You two have long conversations about the importance of intentions, the way different experiences can shape someones life and other such topics. These conversations are surprisingly positive for someone who has been through so much, but you suppose you couldn't expect anything less from a sweetheart like him. Don't tell him you think that though, for the moment you do (or give him any other kind of compliment) the conversation is cut short by him furiously trying to hide blushing face.

Snippets:

Sometimes the boys will have the interesting experience of finding you talking to the air below deck, only to find that you're actually talking to an insect or another little critter. Or to Doomfanger, since you two hang out a lot.

Edge and Razz are a little disappointed you cant actually speak a 100 different languages (cuz that'd be hot), however they would scream in delight if they found out you could talk to ancient creatures and mythical beings should you ever encounter them. What are they saying??? Secret knowledge about days long past, cities lost to the sea ages ago?? The answer to questions about the universe? The meaning of life itself-- "The weather is nice today isn't it?" "Yes, truly! This sun feels marvelous on my scales." "Oh they look amazing in this light, is that iridescence? That's so cool-"

You can actually get a free pass through certain sea monsters'/creatures' areas if you play your cards right (and if the boys don't immediately do something stupid). Perks of being able to talk to huge terrifying creatures! They tend to be of somewhat similar intelligence to humans/monsters, they just communicate differently.

Papyrus will sometimes help you and blue hide another creature on the ship, however Edge has implored him to tell him immediately if you guys have a creature and he's very conflicted about who to be loyal to… you guys just don't tell him unless you have to now, to save him the stress. (and to avoid Edges wrath)

Same thing for Cinnamon, except instead of it being a loyalty problem, he just can't lie to safe his life. If its a small animal however, he's your man. He's the only one actually allowed to keep a pet, since he actually takes care of them well and since they behave really well when they are with him. He'll keep the little critter with him until you guys can find them a good home on another island.

Sometimes, when you've talked to the sea dwellers of the area for a while while sailing through, they might help you out when you fall overboard. Everyone is very surprised when you fall overboard, only to be brought back up by a group of dolphins! You did promise them lunch for their little rescue though, so the rest of the day is spent fishing for them. Opinions on that are mixed.

You and Cash overhear someone telling the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin and immediately decide to bother stretch about it. Surprisingly, he was bored and amused enough to go along with it, and it actually somewhat worked? With a combination of bargaining and convincing using your translation skills, you manage to recreate the scene with stretch playing his banjo (since he refused to use the flute Cash "grabbed" for him) and a row of dancing rats following behind. In the aftermath there's a lot of startled cries and laughing from the witnesses, but also an unexpected information network of rats, communicating through interpretive-rat-dance and banjo music when you're not around... What an interesting day!

[chipped-chimera]

Just wanna say sorry to people over the past month ... months? That tagged me in WIP Wednesdays, I'm sorry I haven't really been doing much of anything creatively, feeling kinda rough 💀 But thank you so much of thinking of me, I love seeing everything that you do!

Partial? Explaination/Life Update under the cut I guess.

Hi! Hello. First off, thanks for being interested. It warms my heart people care about me so much, that I've made an impact and people are happy to see my stuff. I wish so badly I could be making stuff like this all the time! Doing those things (whether art, or modding or just my dumb screenshots) and seeing people enjoy what I was making really got me through the hardest parts of this year.

This year has been a massive turning point in many ways. It just hit me I MADE this blog this year like, holy shit guys! I've felt so welcome in the Cyberpunk 2077 space and consider a lot of people my friends, whether we talk outside Tumblr or not. I'm just so happy to see your posts and your thoughts! 💖 For someone who just through how life shook out to end up really socially isolated irl, you guys have helped form the bedrock of a place I can come back to that always makes me feel better.

It's why I wish I did more. That I could contribute to that more and in turn, maybe help someone else as much as it helped me. But it's hard. Really hard.

I have realised a lot of things about my life in recent months, and I think it's a good sign - that I'm in a more solid place mentally to unpack things that have been sitting boxed up for years because I was just too exhausted to deal with them. They've both been great to unpack ... but painful at the same time. It's kind of in moments like these my passion to create things starts to suffer. It's hard to muster up enough motivation sometimes to just do what I want to do because I'm constantly struggling with a brain and body that just doesn't do what I want it to do - and that fact often makes me feel even worse and want to do even less.

I'm kind of stuck in one of these spirals at the moment. I have some idea of the way out but ... I don't know. This might be a period of grief for myself or something. It took me a long time to realise I'd been lying to myself about a lot of things - stuff I'd did out of necessity for survival at the time, basically becoming water and pouring myself into whatever mold I thought would be safe, that people would like me in. Online spaces, that I carefully curate, detached from any real-life connection have been my home in the absence of feeling myself for so long - especially as the world around me shrank.

I'm hoping in the new year, as me and my psychologist start working on the C-PTSD that apparently had roots way, way deeper than I could even imagine - things might get easier. I'm hoping like hell that maybe my fatigue is connected, that it'll ease - because to finally, finally be in a place with a supportive parent who is attentive and I have the words to explain what I need, and for that to be respected - to finally be myself - only to be held back by my brain and body because the damage went so deep I just can't is agonizing.

I'm gonna keep believing that this is just the bottom of this mountain, this turn around point. It's gotta be, I feel like my entire life has been leveled. And I know it's not going to be easy to climb back up there, repair the damage, get where I want to be. I don't even know if I'll get to where I want to be but ... at least I'll be myself. For the first time in my life.

So um. Thank you. For being around. For being my foundation through this. Wish you guys all the best for 2024, and I hope I'll be able to share more cool things with you soon 💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Kery

[brain-bumbler]

scoots into your ask box hi can i have some psychic!dion polycule hcs?

As if I ever shut up about them!

Gisu and Morris are the ones who get Dion to consider he might be psychic. His siblings or parents would make him spin off into denial. They can get him to ease down the defensiveness.

His powers don't present like Raz's and Frazie's, so he thinks he can't be psychic. But like being neurodivergent, there's plenty different ways for being psychic to show!

You think that when he gets to the Motherlobe, they don't haze him because they're dating? HahahaAHAHAHAHA

They tease him after while he grumbles and says he'll get back at them later. (He gets help from Tala and Queepie, bribed with sweets. Gisu and Morris don't stand a chance.)

Gisu and Morris tease the hell out of each other when they're together. They genuinely have a lot of fun. They're more calm around each other as they've known each other a long time.

Morris is the one who gets Gisu not to overwork herself too bad once they're adults, bring her back to her fun-loving core by dragging her outside or to the skate park.

Morris: Hello everyone, welcome to KLOB's favorite segment: Boy or Board? I'll share a quote and you have to guess if my lovely girlfriend Gisu said it to one of her partners, or about her skateboard. Here as our guest today is Lizzie Natividad.

Lizzie: the trick is it's always the skateboard.

Dion's family always knew he wasn't cis, but it wasn't really something they talked about- he felt he had to keep up traditions. But psychics are already used to being seen as weird. They don't care about anyone's gender presentation. The motherlobe ends up being the first place he publicly wears a skirt.

Even after getting his powers, he prefers to navigate with acrobatics.

Dion gets really bad migraines when his powers are starting to come out, so he often needs to sit in a dark room and relax. Morris plays music and podcasts really quietly so he doesn't go crazy from boredom.

Gisu devotes a lot of time to helping Dion unrepress his powers and deal with the symptoms. This is actually what inspires her to begin working on inventions to support repressed psychics. The official count of psychic people in the population nearly doubles as a result of her work once she's an adult and a full agent.

Morris writes many songs. The first one to become a big hit is a cheesy love song inspired by them both that he didn't plan to take off. Dion and Gisu rig it to play on the motherlobe speakers at least once a day.

[kianbe]

SPOTLIGHT 김기안 → SOLO PROJECT GREEN

kian gave himself a day of vocal rest before the performance, and though it wasn't at the behest of the company, he felt it necessary to cease from speaking, singing, humming, anything for an entire twenty-four hours. though he broke the streak by warming up his for awhile before the stage manager called 'places', he still hasn't uttered a single word to anyone. he's focusing so intently on executing a proficient display of his skills that he's trying his hardest not to get distracted, which he knows he's prone to. he needs to use his voice strategically now, so all the talking he wants to do can wait until later.

for the time being, kian finds his spot in the opening formation of "duty free" and reminds himself of a few things:

he's properly hydrated. his voice is warm, like apple cider. he knows these songs front-and-back. he can count on his group-mates and chaerin. above all, he's here to have a good time; this is fun.

counting his blessings in this way gets his mind right for the set, and he tries his darnedest to forget that, beyond the stage, is an audience of very important people—vip's, one might say. instead, he replaces them with visions of all the people who built him; the ones he loves so much, who he knows are cheering him on silently and loving him right back. it's that love that sets him at ease, eradicating the nerves that settled in the pits of his stomach the instant 'duty free' starts.

getting an opportunity to perform with chaerin makes this extra special, and he hopes that, though this is a specific debut project for he and the other male trainees, she gets her flowers for doing a great job and working extremely hard. the two of them carry a lot of the vocal weight in this song, and as that's kian's strongest suit, he's feeling confident. every line sits comfortably in his high tenor range, and his ad-libs at the end are clear, refreshing, and supported.

he's glad that he's finally able to show off his pipes. the covers they performed didn't allow for much vocal creativity, but this one offers more room for him to play around with his upper register; his most sharpened tool, the one that he knows how to use with precision.

all this confidence and the fun he's having is conveyed throughout, and as the first track comes to an end, he's got the biggest smile on his face; feeling good about how everything went. though, he's not forgotten what's coming up next, and while he's desperately trying to cling onto the good vibes of 'duty free', 'siren' slightly reignites the nervousness. it's incredibly visceral, but he pushes through as best he can—psyching himself out for it until it begins.

when the first powerful line blares through the speakers, he can feel the energy amongst him and the rest shift. this concept is completely different, and it requires a new layer of bravado. not to mention that it's primary element is the powerful choreography. the vocals take a backseat, the performance is front and center, and thanks to the help he received from the others, particularly haneul, he's feeling better prepared; using the anxiety within him to electrify his limbs into performing each move with the right strength and flair.

his voice work follows a similar pattern. instead of technically sound, he focuses more on style; adding distortion where necessary for a tougher delivery. he makes sure to do this healthily and carefully, as he doesn't want to cause any damage, and gets the job done. this song ends at light-speed though. not only is it shorter, but the high velocity of it makes it feel like teleporting somehow.

when it's over, sweat covers his brow, and he's eager to know what comes of it. they've worked hard for this, it's said and done. all he can hope is that they receive good news.

[broodwolf221]

oc asks for nessa: birth, kiss, enemy, ocean <3

answers this one million years late- lmao some of these were giving me trouble but i got there 😂 questions from here

BIRTH: What was your OC's first experience with birth? A sibling, a pet, their own child?

Honestly, she probably had another first experience with birth, given the nature of Dalish clans—probably was aware of someone giving birth, at least, although as a hunter she may not have been called upon to assist—but… giving birth to her own child was more important, so I’m going to focus on that instead.

I think it was very, very weird for her.

Solas was there by then, but things were still strained between them. They were together, trying to make peace with everything, and he was committed to her and the child, but neither of them had really dealt with any of their baggage. The pregnancy kept pushing everything else to the background. If she got argumentative, he’d begin getting argumentative back before he’d just deflate and apologize. Like there was no real ability to talk anything through. So there was still a lot of underlying relationship stress during the birth.

But he was at her side the whole time, and that helped. Magic and herbalism helped her with the pain of it, and I think it was fairly easy, as far as giving birth can be easy—it wasn’t one of those where the labor is like 10+ hours. But it was very bittersweet for her, for although she was excited about the child and had grown to like the idea of having a family with Solas, she had never seen herself as a mother and felt entirely out of her depth. Then there was the absence of Dalish customs.

While she may never have imagined herself as a mother, if she had, she would have been a Dalish mother. Her clan would have helped her prepare and guided her through the birth. Her child would have been welcomed by the entire clan. They both would have been cared for by their people.

Instead she was giving birth among humans, among Andrastians, and didn’t know the customs herself enough to even emulate some of them. In a way, she feels like she’s betrayed her child, that something was missing from the birth, some important aspect that she can’t know or understand.

But Nessa named her daughter Revas, freedom, and although her own faith had been shattered, she whispered the names of the Creators to their daughter and asked for their protection. The words felt wrong on her tongue, but to say nothing felt worse. She wanted her child to be Dalish.

KISS: What was your OC's first kiss like? Who was it with? Do they remember it?

Hmmm!!! Interesting. I gotta imagine it would be with a member of her clan. She's had crushes on clan members before, and I feel like she'd be the type to kiss someone out of mutual curiosity when they're both quite young. Having a big flustered puppy love crush and confession and awkward first kiss kinda moment. She does remember it, with a slightly embarrassed fondness lmao

ENEMY: Who was your OC's first enemy? What was that relationship like? Do they still consider that person an enemy, or have they moved past that?

The first time humans attacked Clan Lavellan and she was old enough to fight instead of being taken away into the wilderness until the fighting was over, those were her enemies. She developed a pretty extreme reaction to seeing humans after that, although it eased over time and with her clan’s dealings with humanity, but she still remembers the faces of those first humans she fought. It was also the first time she'd fought against people—hunting animals was different, although the skills she'd developed there did help her in combat with the humans.

OCEAN: When was the first time your OC saw the ocean? How did it make them feel? If they've never seen the ocean, do they want to?

I suspect she first saw the ocean with the Inquisition—her clan traveled ofc, but coastal ranges were distant and tricky because they were often populated, so imo a lot of Dalish would avoid them. Clan Lavellan did tend to travel along rivers and spend parts of the year by other bodies of water as possible though, given the opportunity to fish and gather materials only found there.