#theo putnam x kurtz

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Fan-Fic Mashup 32 & 49 with Theo Putnam/Kurtz; if you still write for them

Yeah I do! 32. Pregnancy Fic and 49. Fake Married

“So wait they’re not going to let anyone in with you?” Sweet Pea scowls and Theo shrugs.

“Yeah hospital policy; with everything going on; it’s only family let in.”

“Oh; you tell Kurtz yet?” Theo shakes his head and grimaces.

“Good luck with that.”

“I’ve already hid his keys so he can drive to the hospital and preemptively camp in the delivery room.”

“So...” Theo shifts in the chair and Kurtz just blinks at him and then leaves the room.

“Got it covered babe.”

“How on earth? You’re going to say you’re my brother or something?”

“Nah husband.” Kurtz waves a marriage certificate in Theo’s face.

“We got married???”

“Not legally; I just forged the signatures and printed it off at the library...”

“We’re fake married???”

“Mhm; since you said you wanted to get married in Greendale; and until Veronica lifts that stupid re-enstated quarentine we clearly can’t so next best thing. You really think I’m going to miss our kid’s birth cause the hospital has some stupid rules?”

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21 24 & 98 Kurtz/Theo for the fic mashup request

21.Dystopian AU

24. Soulmate AU

98.Curses

"Please shut the fuck up about that stupid soulmate prophecy." Theo growls before Sabrina has a chance to say anything back.

"It's s curse." Harvey grimaces.

"Curse?"

"Mhm, we're in the middle of satan literally rising from the grave and now we have this stupid soulmate thing, we have to find them before they die otherwise they're trapped forever in limbo and we can't escape."

"So y'all are the hell raisers." A figure appears from the forest laughing.

"Who are you?"

"Theo's soulmate, obviously." The figure laughs again and Theo scowls.

"We've never met."

"Mhmm, cause you've bene holed up in that greendale cult."

"They're not a cult!"

"You were divived at birth and given to a coven of witches based on eye colour. That's a fucking cult my dude."

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Travel and Home Masterlist

Summary: Theo Putnam goes looking for love in Riverdale and finds that and more in resident drug G&G master Kurtz

Travel pt 1

Travel Pt 2

Travel Pt 3

Travel Pt 4

Travel Pt 5

Travel Pt 6

Travel Pt 7

Travel Pt 8

Travel Pt 9

Travel Pt 10

Summary: Continuing from where Travel left off

Home Pt 1

Home Pt 2

Home Pt 3

Home Pt 4

Home Pt 5

Home Pt 6

Home Pt 7

Home Pt 8

Home Pt 9

Home Pt 10

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96 and 35 for the prompts for Kurtz/Theo

35.Bathtub Fic 

96.Scars  

“I feel like out of the two of us I should be the one self conscious.” Theo nods a little and Kurtz shrugs.

“Just how I am.” Theo knows Kurtz has a handful of self harm scars dotted around but when his boyfriend takes his shirt of he notices some on his back that catch the light.

“Motorcycle accident?” It almost looks like a bad road rash. Kurtz blinks, and then laughs.

“Nah, fashion mishap.”

“Fashion mishap?” Theo looks at them, his fingers reaching out to touch but Kurtz jerks away and almost canon balls into the tub to get away from him.

“What happened?” Theo asks when they’re laying in bed.

“My dad, he uh, used to do the whole bend me over his knee thing.”

“Oh god..”

“The belt did make neat little right angles.”

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1) Kurtz/Theo

2) soulmate au

Kurtz looked down at his wrist and sighed, for the past week the name that was usually in neat cursive on his wrist had vanished. Theo, although he's not sure he likes that name yet, glares at his wrist Kurtz etched into his skin, why did his soulmate have to have such a wierd name. Kurtz doesn't notice the name stop changing, he has too many things to worry about, like how miserable he feels without them, and least Jangle can distract him.

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86 & 93 for Kurtz/Theo for the prompt game

86.I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On 

93.Makeovers 

“So what you want to do like spooky horror make-up on me?”

“Mhm, to practice.” Theo grins and Kurtz shrugs a little.

“It’s just what, a couple hours of sitting still? I think I can survive.”

“Well now we have to test that theory.” Theo grins and Kurtz huffs when he hears the handcuffs click in place.

“The fuck is that for?”

“So you don’t runaway, plus you’re a zombie prisoner.”

“And here I thought you wanted me to wear stripes cause they’re slimming.”

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Home Pt 3

Summary: Home Pt 3, Kurtz/Theo, Theo starts exhibiting more supernatural ghost powers and doesn’t tell Kurtz because he’s scared of upsetting him

Don’t scream, don’t scream. Hide, Hide. You Have to stay quiet, you have to stay. You need to hide. You need to hide. 

Pain.

Hide, hide! Hide better. Don’t let them find you.Hide. Hide!hide!

Theo shivers trying to push away the voices from the nightmare he’d had. Kurtz rubs his shoulders as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry. Guess watching all those horror movies over the long weekend wasn’t a good idea?” Kurtz offers a kiss as an apology and Theo nods sluggishly.

“Yeah maybe just keeping it to one movie a weekend.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurtz hums pulling Theo back to lie in the bed.

“Can’t remember much, just like a voice.”

“Do you recognise who?”

“Nope, no clue.”

Don’t scream, don’t scream. Hide, Hide. You have to stay quiet. You have to stay. You need to hide. You need to hide. 

Pain.

Hide, hide! Hide better. Don’t let them find you.Hide. Hide!hide!

The nightmare is constant, it gets clearer, no longer a black abyss, instead Theo can make out a tree at some point, the faint smell of damp earth and grass. He doesn't know where he is, but he knows there might be a field or forest nearby. He can feel dirt under his nails, he’s not sure if he’s digging or trying to climb out. All he can hear is ringing in his ears and then he feels an ache in his head before he wakes up, confused that his hair isn’t damp to his face.

“Theo, you were screaming…” Kurtz mumbles, nudging his shoulder and Theo winces, light from the window blinding him for a moment as he regains his awareness of where he is.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, maybe you should talk to someone, from Greendale maybe?”

“Nah I’m just stressed about that history test we have coming up.” He can see Kurtz face pale, the realization that they do have a history test coming up. Theo feels a little guilty about pushing Kurtz anxiety to get the worry off of him.

Cold. Wet. Pain. Pain. Get out. Get out. Swim. Swim! Water, cold, rapids, rapids, rock, swim, swim, swim faster! Swim faster!

Theo’s not sure why this time is different, why he can recognize the sensation of water, of cold and drowning. He’s not sure if he can feel the water filling his lungs or if it’s whoever’s nightmare he seems to be having.

Theo’s tired, he always is these days but he’d agreed to go out to some Serpent thing that Jughead had needed him on, but when he makes it into the forest the smell of pine makes his chest ache. The feeling of hands around his throat make him want to scream but he can tell no one is actually touching him. From the way the voice whispers into his ear he realize what this is.

The figure is shadowy he can’t recognise them they’re not a person anymore but the way the beckon him closer makes his stomach shift.

“Why are we here?” Theo mumble and Jughead sighs, Kurtz walks up and nods to the group.

“Kurtz is here, which means this is serious?”

“One of the Ghoulies went missing. He was-”

“Tortured, they think it was the Serpents, we’re here to prove them wrong.”

“How, we're just going to stumble on a dead body and hope when the cops show up they’ll forgive us?”

“Well that’s why Kurtz is here.”

“So he can take the blame?” Theo hisses narrowing his eyes.

“No so he can deal with whatever spooky shit you did in Greendale.”

“What?”

“Harvey told me you’re like that kid from sixth sense.”

“It was one ghost…”

“That’s one ghost more than any of us have seen.” Jughead snaps.

“Oh yeah cause me having nightmares of being buried and forests and drowning and seeing whoever the fuck that is..” Theo throws his hand out as he hisses. “Means that I’m the resident ghost whisperer. Thanks for including me.” He steps towards the figure that leers closer.

“Nightmares?” Kurtz frowns a little and Theo swallows.

“They weren’t.. It’s nothing.”

“You two can talk about your relationship later, just help us find the body okay? You won’t even have to do much, just point, be a compass for corpses.” Jughead cuts in and nods towards where Theo had pointed.

“Fine. Ghost is over there, probably leading you to his body, assuming he wants peace, he won’t talk to me, so I don’t know if that’s true he might just want to kill you.”

“They can’t do that, can they?”

“Oh they can. Ghosts can touch us, we can’t touch them, well the rules might be different here. Can I go now?” Theo looks a little bored and Kurtz can tell he’s just trying not to panic about having to talk to Kurtz about the nightmares and the actual Ghost sightings.

”So, you feel better now that the body-” Kurtz starts but Theo shakes his head.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about the fact you’ve been plagued by nightmares of being murdered in the same way a Ghoulie was and then tried to brush it off to your boyfriend that there’s nothing wrong for like a week when there very much was?”

“Yeah. Just fucking drop it Kurtz I’ll talk to Sabrina about it if it really bothers you.” Theo snaps and Kurtz draws his face back in annoyance and a flicker of hurt.

“I want you to talk to me about it, but fine, whatever.”

“Where are you going?”

“Out. You should get some sleep, try not to dream of me cause we’ve seen how that ends.” Kurtz slams the door leaving Theo alone.

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Family Planning

Summary: Theo Putnam/Kurtz, Theo decides it’s time to start a family, breaking the news to everyone theo’s pregnant

”I want to start a family.”

“With me?” Theo grins from where he’s laying on the couch, Kurtz looks over from where he’s standing by the oven. “Course with you, figured if I’m getting into baking bread and being a homemaker maybe we should go with a literal bun in the oven?” Kurtz laughs and Theo chuckles.

“You’re not the one that’s gonna be pregnant. You’d just have to deal with me.”

“Mhmm, what’s the worst you’d do, have mood swings and contact the spirit world?”

“Oh maybe one of them would rearrange the furniture or something spooky, so we come home and there’s all this nursery stuff piled in the kitchen.” Kurtz grins and Theo laughs.

“Listen maybe that would happen if Sabrina got pregnant, but nothing with me, the worst is I’ll probably just yell at you more.”

“When do you not?” Kurtz laughs dodging Theo when he tries to smack him with the oven mitt.

“At least you won’t be that fast anymore and I’ll actually be able to dodge.”

“But seriously Kurtz, do you want a family with me.” Theo chews his lip turning to Kurtz in their shared bed.

“Sure.” Kurtz grins back. “Seriously Kurtz.”

“Well I mean I was feeling like I’d want it to be, uh, traditional but like we can have kids now.”

“Kurtz when is anything about us traditional.”

“Exactly, it's like the one thing I want to be traditional about.”

“That’s it? God you have like no predictability. Anyone else would be terrified to deal with you.”

“Also your dad’s a farmer, he has to own at least a shotgun, I’m not risking being on the other end of it.” Kurtz looks solem and Theo has to go get a glass of water to stop from laughing.

Theo’s not looking forward to how Kurtz is going to be acting over the next while as he looks down at the positive test in his hands. He’s trying not to think about the last time he’d done this, how he’d dragged Kurtz all the way up to greendale as he hadn’t wanted anyone here to know, and now he’s already considering the best way to surprise everyone with the news. He wonders if that’s a commentary of how much he or everyone else has changed. He supposes either way it’s a good thing.

“Hey babe what’s wrong?” Kurtz nods to where Theo is glaring at paper spread over the kitchen table.

“You need to get rid of your office.”

“My office? You mean the one place you don’t get to just waltz into any second of the day.”

“Yes, it needs to be gone.”

“Theo, it’s the one space I have that I can go to if we have a fight that’s in the house, besides we just redid the kitchen and living room so there’s more space, what else do you want.”

“Not the office.”

“Do you want half of the office, is that what this is about, some weird ‘I have an important job too’ sort of posturing, hm?”

“No just we need to get rid of the office.”

“If you can give me a solid reason, that’s not just you being bitter, I’ll be happy to rearrange the office to whatever it is you want.” Kurtz flips the next paper and starts marking it. Theo vanishes after that and Kurtz tries not to look too pleased with himself as he can hear Theo moving around upstairs.

”Toni, hey what are you doing here?”

“Theo asked me to come by.”

“If you start talking about the stupid office.”

“No I just wanted to have someone to talk about baby stuff with. Cheryl is too busy hiding and everyone else is too busy trying to get out from Hiram’s control, and I get it, but I just need someone who can go look at tiny shoes with me and squeal about them.”

“Oh yeah, cool.” Kurtz shrugs a little.

“Toni knows.” Theo grins from the stairs and Kurtz sags a little in relief.

“Oh thank fucking god, please take him and the tiny hellspawn growing in him.”

“Hellspawn? Well that’s fitting considering it’s your kid Kurtz.”

“I mean it affectionately first off, and second off, this tiny devil decided to make Theo puke on me twice.”

“Morning sickness?”

“Apparently someone doesn’t like my cooking.”

“Kurtz you sound really upset about that, you okay man?” Toni looks a little worried

“Yeah fine.” He sulks a little and Theo grins slightly.

“He was just upset because it was supposed to be an anniversary dinner, he had a whole day planned and everything.”

“Poor guy, not going to get much of that soon.”

“Mhmm, go enjoy your tiny shoes, get some nice combat boots.”

“Kurtz babies don’t even need shoes.”

“Then I’ll get them later. On my way to the party.”

“So are you nervous about telling everyone?” Toni holds up a dragon onesie. Everyone grins and Theo nods towards her, helping her up as she excuses herself to the bathroom.

“I guess. I mean I’m still so grateful that you’re letting me tell everyone at your baby shower.”

“Hey any excuse to get the attention off of me, and get free things that I can pass to you.”

“Yeah, you know what you’re having?” Theo asks and Toni shakes her head.

“Thought I should be surprised, besides I don't care as long as they are healthy.”

“Bet Cheryl is going crazy.”

“Oh man if I thought she was overprotective before, I was mistaken. I bet Kurtz is gonna go into overdrive the minute you actually show.”

“Show?” Betty’s grinning from the doorway and Theo sighs.

“Yeah I’m literally about to go tell everyone so can you please not say anything for like ten minutes.”

“Say anything about what?” Kurtz is grinning and Theo can see the way Betty’s eyes light up and he knows that Betty thinks Kurtz doesn’t know, he can also see that Kurtz realizes this and the grin on his face is making Theo uneasy.

“You feeling okay babe? That stomach bug still an issue, I told you you should have just stayed home. You keep pushing yourself and it’ll stay for another week.” Betty is vibrating with excitement and Kurtz smirks.

“Theo, tell everyone.” Toni grins and Theo grimaces when everyone turns to him.

“I’m pregnant.” Toni cheers and Betty grins, Theo can see her watching Kurtz and Theo can see the moment when Kurtz realizes it.

“Theo, can we talk?” Kurtz nudges his hand and Theo watches how he and Betty seem to be having a glaring contest.

“How much am I allowed to mess with her?”

“Kurtz don’t.”

“All I’m hearing is Kurtz yes.” He smirks.

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Home Pt 8

Summary: Home Pt 8, Theo Putnam/Kurtz, Theo gets kidnapped, and Kurtz returns to his old ways

He’s not paying attention. That’s what he decided to say if anyone asks, well if he manages to get out alive.

He knows he’s not actually being buried alive, he remembered the last time he’d been threatened with death and there had been spirits nearby. He’d consider it an observation of how well his powers have begun flourishing but he’s brought back to reality by his own breathing, and the faint rattle of some lock against the box that Donna and Brett had shoved him into. He’s at least relieved that when he’d been in the showers he hadn’t actually fully undressed, still in his pajamas he knew it would save him embarrassment at the least and more people discovering what Brett and Donna had already.

He can hear people arguing on the other side and can smell pine so he reasons the box he’s in is wooden hopefully it’s not very thick, or well made and whenever the voices quiet, which he assumes means they’re leaving he’ll be able to try to kick his way out of it, or at least do some type of damage so when someone finds or tries to free him he’ll be able to have actually done something to make it easier.

He recognises Donna and Brett’s voices, he assumes he must be somewhere that only they know where it is as their voices are loud enough for Theo to hear clearly.

“We can’t just keep him in there.”

“It’ll be fine Brett, no one will find out until later, besides we’re just trying to scare it.”

“What about Kurtz?”

“What about him? That fucked up drug dealer has no idea where we are, or that we’d do this. Besides we pay him too well to care about his freak.”

“Donna, seriously.. We should be more careful.”

“Oh shut up Brett, you’re such a baby about things sometimes.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such an over controlling and possessive bitch he wouldn’t have to be.”

Oh no.

 Theo cringes in the box and waits, he can’t hear anything else and he’s nervously waiting to hear anything.

“What do you want?”

“You said you needed more adderall, so I got some.”

“This shit pure?”

“If it wasn’t I wouldn’t sell it to you, your money is too good.”

“Aw you’re so sweet Kurtz, we really appreciate this.”

“Mhmm, what’s in the box?”

“English project.”

“You had to build a coffin?”

“Casket.” Donna mumbles.

“Caskets aren’t tapered at the end.”

“Why the fuck do you know that Kurtz.” Donna hisses

“How many dead people you think I’ve seen, you got a body in there?

“Not a dead one.” Brett chuckles and Theo thumps his feet against what he hopes is the lid.

“Oh you have Theo.”

“How the fuck can you tell it’s him from him kicking it.”

“You just told me.”

“Shit.”

“Kurtz seriously we can unlock it and you two can-” Theo jumps in the coffin, he can’t hear anything else for what feels like hours, in reality it was less than a minute before he strains to hear Kurtz’s voice through the wood.

“If you two ever think of harming my Theo, hell any of my friends, this will be permanent. I’d say it’d scar but we both know you don’t heal from a slit throat.” Theo cringes at the light suddenly in his eyes.

“Come on. We should get out of here, grab Jughead too, FP would be pissy if I left him.” Kurtz scuffs his foot as if saving Jughead is a chore and Theo nods, autopiloting his way from the room, looking back to see Donna and Brett huddled next to each other on the floor, Theo’s surprised how scared they look but then Brett tilts his head up to watch them go and Theo swallows, the almost black bruise around Brett’s throat is mimicked by Donna’s.

“If we’re lucky they’ll have damage to their vocal chords and we don’t have to worry about hearing their voices again.” Kurtz offers, tugging Theo back to his dorm room.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” he spits automatically, eyes lingering on where Brett and Donna still stay huddled.

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Home Pt 7

Summary: Home Pt 7, Theo Putnam/Kurtz, Theo goes to Stonewall Prep and things come to light

“I’m going Kurtz. It’ll be fine. Jughead will be there, there’s no way they’ll fuck with to Snakes. It’ll be okay.” Theo runs his hands down Kurtz arm.

“Sure it will, till they get wind that you’re trans or you’re in a gang, or you’re gay and they’ll rip you to shreds, maybe literally. Stonewall has monsters just like here, just like Greendale.”

“Kurtz it’s alright. I’ll be careful.”

“I know you and Jughead want to take down Hiram especially after what happened but please, be careful.”

“We will be.”

“Oh I don’t care about Jughead, I want you to be safe.”

”Welcome to Stonewall Prep. Can we get you anything?” Theo doesn’t glare but he doesn’t smile back trying to keep his face neutral. Jughead offers a strained grimace and watches as Brett almost drags them towards the dorms.

“Room’s there.” He waves vaguely and Jughead nods watching the way the other students hover behind Brett.

“So he’s the guy we have to shank?” Theo huffs a little. Jughead sighs through his nose.

“Maybe, he seems a little..”

“Not all there, you’re right, maybe the girl.”

“Girl?”

“Denise? Danna… something with a D, she was watching Brett the entire time. Making sure he was following orders, hers most likely.”

“Donna.” Jughead grins to himself and Theo chuckles a little as they’re both relaxing on the beds.

”So we have two new members. Please be nice to them.” Brett grins, leaning forward a little as he slouches in his chair.

“This is Jughead and Theo. They’re from Riverdale and Greendale respectively.” The teacher drones waving his hand before he turns back towards the door and walking through it.

“Oh with that freak who does drugs?” Donna leans forward and Theo shifts backwards.

“His name is Kurtz.”

“Course it is, like his name is really Jughead. Reinvent yourself or whatever, but dating him is fucked up.” Donna laughs and Jughead narrows his eyes.

“Why do you care?” Theo glares and pushes down the thought that he and Jughead should be laying low.

“Well if you’re going to be a student here we need to make sure you’re upholding our legacy.”

“Don’t you have to be dead to have a legacy?” Jughead laughs and Donna and Brett frown.

“Just wait, they’ll get there soon.” Theo smirks and Donna looks unimpressed.

“Did you just threaten to kill us?”

“No just said you’ll die eventually, we all will.” Theo laughs a little and Brett snorts as well.

“Told you Greendale kids were freaks.”

“Mhm, something seems off about him, more than being from Greendale.”

Theo’s exhausted. He and Jughead had been running back and forth all around Stonewall trying to figure out if they had any connection to Hiram or even the Blossoms, anything that explained the uptake in activity of the drug dealer’s meeting and the supplies being pushed through Stonewall with no records of them being there in the first place.

He stumbles a little dreading showering but decided that there’s not much of a risk right now. Of course Brett has to appear, tilting his head, he knows it’s meant to be some bullshit posturing but he can see the second Brett makes the connection.

“DONNA!” He shouts jerking backwards and Theo almost wants to laugh at how terrified he looks, Brett’s covered his eyes and it reminds him of the time Kurtz had first walked in on him changing and couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“Fucking dammit.” Theo hisses as he slumps onto the bed, Jughead doesn’t look up from his computer, no doubt researching something Betty asked him to, he just gives a noise of affirmation at Theo’s horror.

It’s a little after midnight and Theo can hear someone nudging his door open. He almost doesn’t hear it but Jughead sniffles a little, a signal he’s awake and also listening. They both wait expecting to see Brett or even Donna’s face from the light the open window offers.

“Kurtz?”

“Hey babe. Jughead. Sup?”

“Kurtz what the fuck are you doing here??”

“You told me I couldn’t sell in Riverdale High so I came here.”

“You sell drugs to the students here?”

“Well yeah they need their blood to be like fifty perecent adderall to even get up in the morning at this point, poor fucks.”

“How are we going to deal with this?” Theo huffs, throwing his arms up and Jughead looks up from the notes he was taking.

“Deal with what? Kurtz drug dealing to them?”

“No the fact they know..”

“Well for now they don’t seem to want to do anything with it.”

“They told me to break up with him, Jughead!!”

“It’s cause they’re worried about losing their supply, if you break up and go back to Greendale then Kurtz will just stay here as their personal drug dealer.”

“Oh cause that’s exactly what I want to happen.”

“Well it’s an interesting point.”

“Have you been there this entire time????” Jughead scowls as Kurtz’s hand appears from under the bed.

“Mhmm, I have to keep an eye on you two, who knows what sorts of trouble you’ll get into, a gang leader and a ghost whisperer, sounds like the beginning of a teen drama series.”

“Shut it Kurtz. Can you at least get out from under the bed, how the hell did you even fit in there?”

“Hypermobility, anyways, what’re we gonna do about Donna and Brett, since they know about Theo, they’ll use it against him.”

“Well we have a free day tomorrow so I figured we could use that to come up with some plan for getting them to keep quiet.” Jughead offers and Theo nods but Kurtz narrows his eyes.

“Well while you two have fun tomorrow talking about those two idiots finding out my boyfriend's secret, I’m going to go do something about it now.”

“Kurtz, you can’t kill anyone.”

“Course, I’m not about to kill my best customers.”

“Kurtz…”

“They can still be my customers with a couple of broken limbs.”

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Travel Pt 9

Summary: Pt 9, Kurtz/Theo A guy transfers to Riverdale high and is very flirty and touchy with Theo and even grabs Theo’s towel in the boys locker room “playfully”and Kurtz finds out and gets hella possessive. 

Kurtz doesn’t pay attention to the guy who stumbles into their science class. Theo smiles at him and waves a little and Kurtz is about to ask what’s going on but the guy slides into the empty seat behind them.

“Hey Theo.”

“Hey James.”

”Hey James?” Kurtz mocks slightly and Theo shrugs.

“We had gym together, I was being friendly, he’s just transferred from Greendale, he was homeschooled though, his parents moved here.”

“Well they had to otherwise he wouldn’t be here. He gives me weird vibes. Be careful around him.”

“Everyone gives you weird vibes Kurtz.” Theo chides and Kurtz keeps his eyes narrowed on James.

“Something’s wrong with him.” Kurtz growls a little and Theo laughs.

”James!” Theo laughs clinging onto him as he hauls Theo up and tosses him into a leaf pile.

“Careful.” Jughead chides and James tilts his head.

“Not like there are rocks in that area?”

“No you’re getting too close to Theo.”

“Well we’re friends, what do you mean too close.”

“His boyfriend…”

“Oh the possessive creep, yeah Fangs warned me about him, Theo mentioned he’s like a huge teddy bear anyways so I’m not stressing about it. Dayummm Theo, nice jump.” He laughs and Kurtz bites on his lip so he can taste blood, with how Jughead glares at him he knows it’s the right idea.

“He followed you after Gym?” Kurtz hisses and Theo nods his head slightly.

“I don’t think James meant any harm, he’s just, sort of that kind of goofy guy.”

“He made a grab for your towel Theo!”

“Yeah, so do you. So do Sweet Pea and Fangs, I don’t get why you’re singling him out…”

“I don’t get why you’re defending him!”

“Because he’s a new kid! And I was a new kid a while ago, I know how it feels, and I want you to lay low, beating the snot out of the new guy cause he tried to play a prank on me isn’t laying low.”

“Fine.” Kurtz grumbles, letting Theo kiss his cheek.

“Thanks babe, you’re an angel.”

”Uh, hi Kurtz, I’m sorry about-” James stutters but Kurtz pushes him against the wall, hand clawing at his side to keep him pinned.

“You touch Theo again and this’ll be a knife, you got that?”

“Yeah, I got it. You uh, you work with the Gargoyles right?” James shivers when Kurtz lets him down.

“Yeah why?”

“Theo said, uh he said you knew Lance…”

“What about him?”

“The girl..”

“What about her?”

“Nothing just-”

“Oh! You’re that James.” Kurtz grins and leers over him once more.

“You go near my Theo again and I’ll tell Lance exactly what you’ve done to his girl. And let me remind you, how much worse he is to deal with. This is all I’ll do to you.” 

Kurtz is surprised that James doesn’t scream, he’d heard the cracking of his radius, he knows most everyone would be on the ground screaming.

“Ugh, you’re high, didn’t even have the decency to give me your stash did you.” Kurtz groans in annoyance and James blinks at him before he laughs.

“Oh no Kurtz, not high, I’m just like Theo..” He smirks and Kurtz narrows his eyes.

“How are you anything like my-”

“I like pain as much as him.” Kurtz is about to respond but James just shoulders him as he walks off.

“What happened?” Theo sounds concerned and Kurtz freezes.

“Kurtz was trying to explain that we’d gotten partnered on the history project, but he has a job this weekend, I don’t mind doing the work, it’s no big deal.”

“Well don’t stress yourself too hard.” Kurtz can see how James’ smiles when Theo grips onto the arm that Kurtz just broke. He understands why James had gotten so close to Theo now, he’d just wanted Kurtz to hurt him, no one else was willing enough to.

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☠️- Theo

☯️-for Kurtz

🌸-for both( the sex one I couldn’t find right emoji)

for Theo/Kurtz emoji thing

☠ - angry/violent headcanon (aa I misread this so have both!!!)

Kurtz snaps his jaw and growls when he gets angry

He’s incredibly physical when he’s angry often taking his anger out on himself if no one else is there

Kurtz bottles his anger up, like a moltov cocktail

Theo shouts, he raises his voice, even scream nonsensical words

Theo can never bring himself to physically hit anything, not even a pillow

His face goes neutral/slack when he’s angry

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Kurtz loves mixing mayo and ketchup together

He hates onions on any food other than burgers

Kurtz likes painting to relax but hates bob ross videos

✿ - Sex headcanon

Kurtz likes pain, a lot of it, whether or not he’s causing it or he’s the one hurting

Theo likes calling the shots but he’s also very easily flustered and embarrassed if it’s brought up outside of the bedroom

As Theo spends more time with Kurtz he realizes just how much they rub off on each other in the bedroom, Kurtz begins to get very flustered when Theo talks about their sex life to others

Send me a symbol and a character and I’ll write a few headcanons!

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Family Planning Pt 3

Summary: Kurtz/Theo Putnam, Family Planning Pt 3; Kurtz proposes in a grand gesture

”So what do you want? You wouldn’t come all the way here just to say hello, especially not without Theo.” Harvey glares but Sabrina holds her hand out like the first time they met.

“I want to marry him, well, propose, and I need your help.”

“Our help?’

“Yeah, I already asked his dad for his permission.”

“Wow that’s old fashioned.”

“Hey, y’all literally waltzed in hell so I don’t wanna offend him and end up being tortured for all eternity.” Kurtz shrugs and Harvey sighs.

“Fine okay, what do we do?”

“I need you and Sabrina to distract him, I want to take him to dinner, something nice and fancy, for an anniversary or something like that, I’ll think of an excuse or something.”

“So we’re just what, taking him for lunch or something?”

“Yeah just keep him busy for the whole day so I can set everything up.”

”Theo, hey!”

“Sabrina! What are you doing here?”

“Kurtz told me you’re not having a babyshower! That’s not going to happen if I’m involved in your child's life, that’s horrible.” 

“Sabrina there’s no reason for me to have a babyshower, Toni already offered to give me everything she’s not using, well, actually it might not be a bad idea, is Harvey around?”

“Yeah he’s in the car why?”

“I want to propose to Kurtz.”

“Oh, uh, okay, so what do you need Harvey for?”

“To distract Kurtz, I can do it at the shower, it’ll be perfect!”

“Harvey blinks as Theo explains the plan.

“So, what do you think?”

“Sounds good, I can just say bonding or something about you being sick of ‘men’ or some pregnancy thing if he asks right?”

“Any excuse you want.”

“Got it.” Harvey grins and Sabrina pulls him to the side.

“You’re going along with this too easily, why?”

“Well I already got this exact assignment.”

“Really, he told you before me?”

“No, Kurtz did.”

“Wow good luck with that, I’m going to actually plan a baby shower.”

“Good luck with that.” Sabrina laughs as Harvey gestures to Theo.

Harvey’s surprised with the knowledge that Kurtz possesses of Theo. Kurtz hadn’t blinked at Harvey’s excuse of Theo wanting them to bond, and Harvey’s pretty sure Kurtz would rather be prepping for his proposal alone, but after they made the reservation Kurtz hesitates and pulls him to the side, watching over his shoulder as if someone’s going to jump out.

“So I know Theo should probably get a say in this.  I also know he’d probably have said this much earlier, but he’ll probably say something after the baby shower.”

“Are you guys moving to fucking Greendale, I swear to god.” Harvey huffs a little bit jokingly, Kurtz shakes his head.

“No, just figured the little hellspawn is gonna need a good godfather, who better than someone who’s been to hell.” Harvey swallows tensely and nods.

“You’re one of his oldest friends, if he doesn’t pick you I’m exorcising my right as the kids dad to choose you.”

“Exercising is the term you want.” Harvey wetly coughs a little.

“With your crew living in Greendale, no, I meant what I said ghost boy.” Kurtz lets Harvey take a second alone, and Harvey takes the moment to pretend to be on his phone, Kurtz ignores the tears in Harvey’s eyes.

Sabrina’s a little relieved that Theo tires out faster, half of the planning is both of them sitting in a cafe and talking.

“Thank you for doing all this.”

“Of course, I’m your friend Theo.”

“About that.”

“Are we not friends?” She laughs a little and Theo joins her.

“No I, okay that was a bad lead in, but you doing all this just really, sorry.” Theo sighs and chews his lip. Sabrina watches him curious at what’s gotten him so upset that he’s trying to hold back tears.

“I want you to be the baby’s godmother.”

“Oh, what does Kurtz think about that?”

“We haven’t talked, I figured I’d let him pick whoever the godfather was going to be, I was thinking of telling him at the babyshower. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, sounds good, thank you Theo, this means a lot.”

“Yeah I guessed it would, sorry for getting weepy.”

“Blame the baby.”

”I know the babyshower is tomorrow, and I know we still do have a while before they come but I want to take you out to a nice dinner.”

“Why are we here?” Theo looks up from the menu.

“Because I love you, do I need a better reason to take you on a dinner date?” “Well no, but it’s not something you’d normally do…”

“I know, that’s the point I’m trying to be more spontaneous, besides we’re not going to be able to get out much once the kids here. Two birds with one stone and all that.” Kurtz smirks a little as the waiter brings them they’re food.

“I’m not suspicious or anything it’s just not something you’d normally do.”

“We’ve established that.”

“Be right back,  bathroom, can you order dessert while I’m gone.”

“Course, they have your favourite.” 

“I know.”

As Theo walks back he pauses watching Kurtz talking to the waiter, grinning and nodding. Theo narrows his eyes, he was planning on asking for the check on the way back but apparently Kurtz beat him to it.

“Oh my god.” Theo stares at the cake, it looks mouthwatering, but what catches his eye is not the presentation of the cake but the shimmering ring tucked between two strawberries.

“Kurtz, seriously.” Theo hisses a little, trying not to cry and Kurtz just grins back at him.

“Theo Putnam will you marry me?”

“Yes, I can’t believe you beat me to this.”

“Wait I what?”

“I was going to propose tomorrow at the shower.”

“Huh, that makes sense why Harvey told me to propose before then.”

“He was in on, that asshole.”

“Hey don’t blame him, I bribed him.”

“You can yell at him tomorrow.” Kurtz grins keeping his arm wrapped around Theo as they head back home.

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Family Planning Pt 2

Summary:Family Planning Pt 2, Theo Putnam/Kurtz, Theo decides to go tell his dad/the Greendale crew

“So are we actually-”

“Kurtz we’ve been over this you’re not going to burst into flames.”

“You never know, seven years is a hella long time to up the protection barriers.”

“There aren’t any protection barriers!”

“Then what have they been doing for the past seven years.”

“Living normal lives.”

“Oh yeah, like that’s possible.”

“We’ve done it.”

“Yeah and now we’re going to dinner with people who have literally been to hell! Hell Theo!” Kurtz huffs and Theo nods.

“Mhm, and my dad. To tell them that I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah, we don’t have to go to dinner, it can just be a phone call for them and a visit to your dad, or telling him when he comes into town for his usual dinner at our place.”

“No I wanted to tell Harvey and Sabrina and her family, they’re as much my family as my dad is.”

“Fine but just the one dinner, make sure everyone is together.”

“They are.” Theo nods and nudges Kurtz’s hand on the steering wheel.

“Okay, see driving over the Greendale line, ahhh my hand, it’s on fire….” Kurtz chuckles while Theo looks unimpressed.

Sabrina is actually happy to see him so Kurtz counts that as a victory, besides Theo’s dad she’s the only one who seems to be visibly happy, of course Roz and Harvey are being civil but Kurtz isn’t sure if Sabrina’s aunts are bing civil or planning his murder with how they tilt their heads at him and then nod to each other.

“They’re gonna kill me aren’t they.”

“Haven’t said anything yet, calm down.”

“This is the first time I’m meeting them and you sure your dad’s not going to force us to throw together a shotgun wedding in hell?” Kurtz strains eyes darting from the Spellman aunts to Theo’s dad and then back to Theo.

“So, your announcement? Can’t be an engagement, unless you’ve purposely left off the ring to mislead us.”

“No it’s-”

“Theo’s pregnant.” Kurtz states before shoving a forkful of whatever they’ve been eating for the past ten minutes into his mouth.

“Oh.” Theo’s dad mumbles and Theo glares at Kurtz.

“I was going to say that after dessert.”

“Figured I’d rip the bandaid off so we have an excuse to leave after dessert because I’m feeling more threatened by their glaring than I did the gargoyle king.” “Kurtz.” Theo huffs and Kurtz looks unimpressed.

“I’d understand if they were actually your family, but as it stands they’re basically Greendale’s version of Fred Andrews, the family everyone wants but doesn’t have. So like, threaten away I guess.” Kurtz glances back towards the head of the table where they sit.

“If you ever even think of doing harm to Theo….” Kurtz sighs waiting for the threat.

“If you think about doing harm to him, or that child, I will personally give you a front row seat to your own disemboweling.”

“That’s fair and surprisingly mild to what I was thinking.”

“Well in Greendale, people don’t stay dead for long.”

“Ah, there we go.”

” I mean at least I don’t have to worry about you dad threatening me anymore.”

“Mhm.” Theo tries not to laugh.

“Yeah just fucking your psuedo aunt Zelda.”

“Hey she’s very protective.”

“She’s not even family!”

“Neither are you but you’re protective of me!”

“We’re basically married Theo, besides you’re pregnant with my kid, there’s no way I’d let anything hurt either of you.”

“We’re not.”

“Not what?”

“Married.” Theo tries to keep his voice uninterested but Kurtz can hear the hurt in his voice as he says.

“Yeah, well kid takes priority over us babe.” Theo nods to Kurtz comment.

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Home Pt 10

Summary: Home Pt 10, Theo Putnam/Kurtz, Pop’s retirement brings about familiar faces, this marks the end of home!

Theo can’t believe it’s been seven years since he’d graduated. It was only six since he’d left Riverdale but he feels that’s unimportant compared to the graduation when everyone had passed and finally it felt like nothing bad would happen.

Of course that wasn’t true for him, Kurtz while he’d been content to stay in Riverdale for a year had pitched a fit about going back to Greendale, sadi he wanted nothing to do with a town bathed in blood magic or the literal devil wandering around, that he’d had enough of that with the Gargoyle King and while Theo had agreed he never wanted to admit it to Kurtz as he knew he’d gloat.

Kurtz surprisingly offers him an apartment that Theo didn’t know he had, much like the house they’d been staying at. Kurtz doesn’t say where exactly it is so when they drive out to a suburb of New York Theo’s shocked, more so to find most of his stuff has already been moved in.

”I have a headache.” Kurtz groans and Theo looks up from the TV he’d been flicking back and forth from.

“Well maybe stop grading papers?”

“No these idiots keep missing equations. I’d never..” Kurtz shoves the stack of papers away and Theo laughs.

“You also dealt drugs for years.”

“Yeah so I know my fucking chemistry, kids these days, decent human beings and drug free.”

“Mhmm that’s the reason you’re still grading their papers and not packing for Pop‘s retirement party trip.”

“I can packing like three minutes.”

“Can you?”

“Yes, we’re only going for two whole days and I just need my nice shirt and then some casual clothes.”

“Kurtz is this a knife?”

“Pocket knife, but yes.”

“Why?”

“It’s Riverdale Theo, I’m not risking anything.”

Kurtz is asleep in the passenger seat when they pull into Riverdale, Theo’s not sure if they have anywhere to stay, he hadn’t asked when Kurtz had assured him they had a place, but he realizes that he’ll have to wake him up, despite having only changed driving shifts an hour ago.

“Babe, where are we staying?”

“Our place, you still remember how to get there?”

“You still own that house?”

“Yeah? Why would you think I didn’t”

“You work as a teacher there’s no way you make enough to- Oh my god please tell me you’re not fucking taking a leaf from breaking bad.”

“Pff, no, there’s no way I’d make fucking crack with my school chemistry set, that’d get me in so much shit.”

”So you’re the new Chemistry teacher then Theo.” Betty grins her hand extended for him to shake.

“Oh, uh no, Kurtz is.” Betty’s smile falters for a second.

“Well at least with me being the shop teacher I don’t have to deal with him, since we’re on opposite ends of the school.”

“Oh? So who’s close to him?”

“Jughead, since he’s english, wait no, Veronica is closest, she’s two doors down.”

“Veronica’s a teacher?”

“Mhmm, Economics.”

“Why the hell is she, ah, Archie right?”

“Well yes, but, you really don’t know what’s going on here?” Betty frowns and Theo nods, Kurtz comes up behind him to nod as well.

“Hiram’s been running any chance at business into the ground, any chance at escaping too, so we’ve all had to take up teaching, or just hide in our houses, Archie had to kick a bunch of ghouls out of his house where they'd set up shop making drugs.”

“Mhm, really, I told those fucks too, anyways.” Kurtz laughs a little.

“It was a joke guys, I don’t deal with gangs anymore.” Kurtz holds his hands up.

“You don’t? Jesus, you’ve really let yourself go.” Lance is leaning against the door.

“What the fuck do you want.”

“Nothing christ just here to pick up my nephew.”

“Oh thank fuck I was gonna scream if you said kid.”

“Pff like I’d have kids, you on the other hand, I expected at least two somewhere, you hiding them in your car or some shit?”

“We haven’t talked about that.” Kurtz shrugs to Theo who nods back trying not to glare at Lance.

“Well y’all have fun teaching how to bury bodies and shit.”

“I teach Chemistry.”

“Oh good, you can actually teach my nephew the family business.” Lance laughs and Kurtz sighs.

“So, Pop’s party tonight?”

“Yeah, I know don’t worry we can go spend the next four hours getting ready.”

Theo’s laughing with Betty and Kurtz is at least a little relieved that Jughead and Toni are welcoming both of them to the section where the Serpents are all hanging out.

“Seems like everything is going well for once, I mean besides your dad trying to run the entire town into the ground.” Theo offers Veronica and she nods grimacing.

“Well it’s Riverdale there’s going to be something to ruin this.”

“At least we’re prepared for it this time.” Archie nods towards the group that are all standing around the cake, Kurtz flicking his pocket knife open to cut the cake, he looks up smirking at the Theo and Theo knows he’s going to get some comment about Kurtz having brought the knife. While they’re not sure what’s going to come next, Theo knows that there’s no one he’d rather be with to face it.

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Home Pt 9

Summary: Home Pt 9, Theo Putnam/Kurtz, After rescuing Theo Kurtz decides to not avoid his thoughts like usual

”Theo, you home?” Kurtz tilts his head as he swings the door open, there’s no sound and he frowns, usually Theo would be watching TV.

“Theo?” Kurtz steps farther into the house and still doesn’t hear anything, the bedroom door isn’t closed so he knows Theo isn’t sleeping. 

“Kurtz?” Before Kurtz can turn around he can feel his feet sinking into the ground and he realizes he’s dreaming. It still doesn’t make turning around to see Theo’s arm wrapped around Lance, walking away from him any less painful.

“Kurtz?” Theo frowns a little as Kurtz clings to his arm when he wakes up.

“Sorry bad dream, house was melting.” He mumbles and it’s not really a lie he reasons. Theo nods watching the way Kurtz squirms under his gaze.

“You sure it’s just that?”

“Yeah course.” It’s still not a lie, Kurtz reasons, the house melting and him being swallowed into it was pretty messed up and unnerving, so he’s happy to let that take the place of what he’s actually worried about, losing Theo again.

He’s lost in thought again, worried about Theo deciding he’s had enough of being used as leverage for Kurtz drug dealing, when Jughead sits in front of him.

“What do you want Jones?” They hadn’t spoken since getting back into town.

“To say thanks for saving me at Stonewall. You could have just left me.”

“Yeah and I never would have heard the end of it from Theo.”

“Speaking of him.” Kurtz tries to push away the way his chest aches.

“He’s worried about you, said you’ve been acting weird, he’s worried you’re using again, which I said we’d know if you were or not.”

“So what’s the problem then?”

“You tell me. Theo’s worried and you’re clearly not willing to talk to him, unless you’re like murdering people I don’t have a reason to tell him whatever you’re worried about beyond ‘Kurtz is fine he told me what’s bugging him he’s just being an asshole about it’ you know?”

“I want to marry him.”

“Whoa, what the fuck.”

“Shut it.” Kurtz hisses.

“Like there’s a lot more to it but that’s what I keep coming back to.” “What more is there?”

“Well like considering how many times we both almost died, it’d make sense, just keep him close, besides we’re graduating soon and i’ll probably be stuck in this town and he’ll go back to greendale and be stuck there, or we both get out, find somewhere else to hide out in, a new place, no one knows who we are or what we’ve done.” Kurtz shrugs.

”So Jughead said you’re okay, but that you needed to talk to me about something?”

“Not really, I just, it’s nothing.”

“Kurtz, come on we can talk about anything yeah?” Theo nods and Kurtz returns the nodding and then sighs.

“So what’s going on.”

“I’ve almost lost you a lot.”

“Yeah but you also saved me just as many times.”

“Yeah but I don’t think that makes up for.. Anyways I just, I’m scared to lose you.”

“Okay, well you won’t, does that help at all?”

“Sort of.”

“Well look at it this way we’re graduating soon, so we can go wherever we want.”

“Yes and that’s the problem! We can do anything! We’re completely unsupervised, not that we weren’t before but now it’s worse!! Either way I don’t want to lose you again if I can help it!”

“We’re already living together what else can you do to keep me in your life..” Theo pauses laughing a little. “What?”

“Well I mean we could get married, but that’s crazy.” Theo chuckles again and Kurtz shifts on the couch nodding.

“Yeah crazy..”

“Kurtz, you weren’t actually thinking that were you???”

“I mean not like right this second but after graduation at least, like, I love you Theo, I’m more than happy to spend the rest of my life with you. Start a family and that shit.”

“A family?” Theo snorts a little and Kurtz grins.

“Yeah you’re the serious business man accountant husband and I’m the delicate 50’s housewife, we have a dog and two kids with one on the way, we’re struggling some days, but we’re happy, We host parties on the weekend for our other 50’s stereotype families, like Jughead and Betty who secretly are unhappy, Jughead is having an affair with Sweet Pea and Veronica and Archie, and their kids who everyone is convinced are gonna end up together.”

Theo laughs nodding along.

“The Serpents are a 50’s gang, and Pop’s the their hangout.”

“Mhmm, we going full Outsiders then?” Theo smirks and laughs a little.

“But seriously, I do think we should wait a bit before getting married.”

“I didn’t mean right this second, hell even this year, I’d need to save up for a ring anyways, but like I’m just putting the idea out there.”

“Isn’t the proposal supposed to be a surprise?”

“Well I’m pretty sure whenever I propose you won’t remember this at all.”

“Bet you fifty bucks I will”

“Deal.”

“Don’t you mean I do?” Kurtz laughs.

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