#then when I had posted that skin someone was like ew this is creepy but they got tons of praise

[smallsimmer]

It’s literally been like 2 years but I don’t think anything in this community has pmo as badly as someone stealing my skin textures and pretending they blended it themselves from “various images on google”

[pan-fangirl-345]

Sugarwhiskers

Summary: You’re one of the only green witch’s in town and you do well without a familiar, but when you bring in a large black cat that’s been following you around, that might change.

TW: Just some mild swearing, and a little bit of suggestive content (because parents), but as always, if I missed something please let me know!

A/N: I have a small obsession with witch AU’s and it’s very loosely based off of this post and a few ideas I had running around my own head.

The black cat that followed you everywhere was really getting on your nerves.

It wasn’t causing any problems exactly, but it was getting creepy.

It was outside your door when you left to go to the shop, it walked you to and from the shop, to school even. It followed you around town. It never caused you any trouble, but there was something about it that made you uncomfortable. 

There was some light in it’s eyes that seemed almost human. And it reminded you of someone, though you couldn’t place who when you looked directly at it.

“Hey there,” you murmured, crouching down in front of it as it appeared out of a shadow. “I’m (Y/F/N).”

It cocked it’s head to the side and padded a little closer to you, watching you. It was bigger than the average house cat. Small enough that you could still pick it up if you tried, but not small enough that you could carry it around for a while without your arms tiring.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” you told it, beckoning it closer. “Come here. Aren’t you cold?”

It crept a little closer and you smiled at it.

When you slowly reached your hand out to let it sniff you, you were pleased when he brushed against your hand.

“Hey there you,” you cooed, stroking it lightly. “Is it alright if I pick you up?”

It seemed to pause and tense but a few more strokes had it practically melted into your hands.

You plucked him- you had decided it was a him- up easily, settling him into your arms, still petting him softly. He was lighter than you had thought he would be.

“Come on in with me,” you murmured. 

It was Sunday, you didn’t have anything else better to be doing and you had started to like the cat, despite the uncanny glint in it’s eyes.

He purred as he relaxed in your arms, the small vibrations running up your arms.

“Are you lost? Is there someone looking for you?” you inquired, taking a seat at the dining room table, settling the cat in your lap softly. It’s fur was odd, tufting out and flopping over one eye like a bad middle school haircut.

The lack of an answer surprised you. Animals, as a green witch, had always been a specialty of yours, so not being able to understand this cat made you pause. You couldn’t feel it’s feelings like you could with other animals. You were an empath when it came to them, so having an animal that you couldn’t understand was a new one on you.

“Do you have a witch looking for you?” you asked.

It must’ve been a familiar if you couldn’t understand it the way you did the other animals around town.

He picked it’s head up and gave a small shake of it’s head.

Your heart broke for it. A familiar without a witch was almost worse than a witch without a familiar.

Familiar derived a sense of purpose from pleasing their witches, from helping them with the little things and the big things, from seeing their combined magic.

You hadn’t met your familiar yet, but you were sixteen, there was still plenty of time for them to show up.

“Well, you can stay here for as long as you want,” you told him. “I don’t have any other familiars or animals wandering around, so territory won’t be an issue, and you seem to be able to fend for yourself pretty well. I will leave out some things though, if you plan on sticking around.

“I do have some familiar friends though, they stop by from time to time, either on errands from their witches, or other tonics and such that I make for them. Don’t become too territorial if they stop by alright?”

The cat was staring at you, but it’s tail was flashing around and so you figured that was a good sign.

“I was about to make breakfast, do you want some?” you inquired, stroking it’s head lightly.

You headed for the kitchen, and the cat followed you, rubbing up against your legs as you opened the fridge.

“Alright, come on up here,” you muttered, picking him up and setting him on your shoulder, letting him curl around and settle on them.

His tail curled around towards your collarbone and you stroked under the cat’s chin, smiling when he purred.

“You’re going to be clingy, aren’t you?” you asked when you dug the eggs out of the fridge.

He headbutted you lightly and you chuckled, searching for the little glass bowl that you liked to use.

You cracked a couple of eggs and scrambled them, digging a pan out of the cupboards, turning the oven on as you poured the eggs in the pan.

“I really should be careful about this,” you muttered. “You could be a psycho waiting to murder me while I sleep.”

You were headbutted a little more forcefully this time, and you were given a slightly incredulous look and you shrugged a little.

“What? This is something that I have to worry about,” you defended, rummaging through a drawer to find a spatula.

The cat made a small noise, licking your cheek.

“Ew, no, no licking my face,” you told him, tapping his nose lightly.

You hummed a small tune as you cooked, stroking the cat absentmindedly as you worked.

When everything was done you grabbed a paper plate and set a piece of toast and half of the eggs on it, setting on on your work table so he could eat, bending slightly so he could hop off your shoulders.

You sat down beside him and ate as you worked, grinding herbs and calling small plants towards you, using your magic to lessen the amount under your skin.

You weren’t insanely powerful, but your magic was versatile, you could use it in other ways. Most witches had one specific ability and they trained with it that way.

Yours wasn’t like that. Convincing plants to grow, moving earth, communicating with animals, you could do it all.

A knock at your door made you snap back to reality.

When you opened the door you saw Akaashi standing there.

“Hey Akaashi,” you said, moving to let him in. “No Bokuto?”

“No, he was in the gym working on his line shots,” Akaashi replied.

“Sometimes I think you’re the familiar, not the witch,” you teased. “How are your headaches?”

“They come and go as Bokuto does,” Akaashi muttered, before he chuckled. “No, they’re getting better. Your tonics help when they get too bad though.”

“Well, I’m glad, that means that they’re doing their job. Ignore the cat, he’s new,” you said, shooing him off your work table so you could grab the bottles he had been laying half on top of.

“He looks like someone I know,” Akaashi muttered, holding his hand out.

The cat brushed up against his hand with a happy purr.

“I think it’s the fur,” he muttered, squinting at the cat.

“I know, I thought so too,” you replied, letting let cat climb onto your shoulder again where he settled.

“Is he your familiar?”

“I have no idea, I haven’t seen him in human form yet,” you replied, scratching under the cat’s chin. “I only took him in this morning.”

“Then why-?” Akaashi gestured to where the cat was lounging.

“He’s been following me around for a while. Walking me to school, walking with me around town. It’s been such a gentleman,” you said.

Akaashi was watching the cat, and then he glanced at you, some sort of recognition flashing through his eyes before it was gone.

“Thanks again, (Y/L/N), you’re a lifesaver,” he murmured.

“Of course,” you replied, handing him the vials. “I’ll see you in two weeks then?”

“Just like always,” he said, giving you a small smile before he headed back out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks later and the cat was still pretty much living at your house.

He disappeared for short periods of time, but he usually came back at night.

He had taken to sleeping on your pillow at night, sometimes on your stomach, but every once in a while you woke up and saw him curled up by your chest when you slept on your side.

You still hadn’t seen him in his human form, but you knew he kept clothes in your house, you had found black t-shirts and bad chemistry joke hoodies in odd places around the house. 

They certainly weren’t yours, and you didn’t know anybody other than Bokuto with the build where they would fit.

Familiars had runes somewhere on their bodies, like a tattoo, and they helped witches find their familiars. Your runes were a band around your bicep, a black that faded into a ruby red, all of them shimmer like they were painted with glitter, and they were your favorite part of yourself.

You hadn’t seen the cat in it’s human form, so it’s runes were hidden from you. You weren’t sure why he hadn’t shifted in front of you yet. Maybe they were shy, or maybe they just didn’t want you to know who they were.

“Shit, shit, shit, I’m gonna be late!” you cried, gathering up your school supplies and shoving them into your bag haphazardly.

The cat meowed loudly and you looked over to see him pushing a book towards you.

“Thank you sugarwhiskers,” you murmured, giving him a quick kiss on the head before you were out the door, trying to tame your hair, the cat on your heels.

You had been coming up with increasingly ridiculous names for the cat, since you had no idea what it’s name actually was.

You knew the cat went to school with you at Nekoma, and while you found that ironic, you had respected the cat’s privacy and not tried to find out who it was.

That changed when Akaashi invited you to watch a practice match between Fukurodani and Nekoma.

You were waiting outside the school when the bus pulled up.

“Hey Akaashi,” you said, giving him a quick hug.

“Hello (Y/L/N),” he murmured.

“You missed our appointment,” you pouted, hands on your hips.

“I know, I’m sorry, I haven’t had the spare time lately.”

“It’s alright, I know you have more going on than I do, so I took the liberty of bringing these with me today.”

You handed him three months worth of headache tonics and added, “Don’t worry about the payment, by the way, I know that you’re good for it.”

“Thank you,” he replied.

“Of course,” you told him. “Anyway, I know you guys have been here before, but I figured I’d escort you there, just in case. Hey Akaashi, did you try that spell I gave you the last time you visited?”

“I did, it works really well. Where did you find it?”

“My grandmother was a mind witch,” you admitted. “She wrote down everything in a journal and I got some of them when she died. That’s not my magic,” you made a flower out of a rock that you levitated over to yourself, “so I figured they would be more suited to you.”

“Thank you a lot though, it made separating things a lot easier for me,” Akaashi admitted.

“I’m glad, I tried accessing some of her magic, but I’m not the best at ancestral magic.”

“It’s alright, you’re better an earth magic anyway. You are a green witch,” Akaashi reminded you.

“I know, but sometimes it would be nice to have different magics, you know? Anyway, hello to you too Bokuto,” you said, letting the captain crush you in a hug.

“Hi (Y/L/N),” he replied, smiling at you.

You made small talk with the captain as they walked into the gym.

“Alright, well, I hope you guys do well,” you said, heading for the viewing platforms.

“Bye (Y/L/N)!” Bokuto called, making you laugh.

You had never really known the Nekoma team. You weren’t all that intrigued by volleyball, and other than Akaashi, you had no connection to it.

You knew that they were a pretty good team, but other than that, you didn’t know any of the players personally.

A few of the players pointed you out, but they didn’t seem to be focused on you specifically.

“Hey, Kuroo!” Bokuto shouted.

“Shut up!” someone else yelled back and your attention was drawn to the captain of the team.

Something about his hair was familiar, and you knew you had seen him in the halls, but even your magic was reacting now that you had seen him.

It sparked in your hands and you frowned as a moon lily bloomed in your hand.

“I haven’t even said anything yet!” Bokuto whined, his hair deflating a little bit.

“Don’t worry about him Bokuto, he’s just upset because he got a 94 on his Chem test because he pissed the teacher off,” you called.

You and Kuroo had Chemistry together, even though you didn’t sit together you knew Chemistry was one of Kuroo’s best subjects.

He had been complaining about his grade loudly in the hallway after school before one of the teachers threatened to send him to the principle.

“How do you know?” Akaashi asked.

“He couldn’t have been louder if he’d tried,” you answered, smiling slyly at the captain.

“Please don’t encourage him, (Y/L/N), he’ll take it as a challenge,” Akaashi muttered.

“Has your headache come back Akaashi?” you teased.

“If you keep saying things like that it might,” he muttered and you laughed.

“I thought you were supposed to be the polite one Akaashi,” Kuroo said.

“She’s the exception to the rule,” Akaashi said, but the small smile he gave you told you that he was teasing you back.

You wrinkled your nose at him. “If you don’t get back to warming up Akaashi, you and Kuroo are both going to get some permanent, nice little flower crowns,” you threatened.

“Can I have one too, (Y/L/N)?” Bokuto asked and you chuckled.

“Maybe after the game, Bo,” you told him.

He cheered and you laughed. He was so easy to please.

Akaashi mouthed a small ‘thank you’ and you nodded.

Kuroo was watching you whenever he had the chance and you weren’t entirely sure why.

You still had that odd feeling that you knew him more than you thought, but you weren’t sure why.

Not until halfway through the game when Kuroo used his sleeve to wipe his face during a break.

Black runes faded into ruby red decorated both biceps, and you felt your magic flare for a moment before you shoved it down before it could manifest physically.

Kuroo’s attention turned to you and his eyes widened.

You raised an eyebrow and sent a small tendril of invisible, questioning, magic to him.

If he was your familiar he should’ve been able to feel it, since he would be more sensitive to your magic than the other familiars on the court.

You watched in shock as he nodded and you stared at him for a moment before you smiled at him.

The bond clicked into place and you relaxed a little bit when a small blanket of warmth surrounded you.

You had heard about when a bond clicked between witch and familiar, but you hadn’t thought it would be so . . . comforting.

“You finally figured it out?” he asked.

“Jackass,” you replied. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You pretty much live in my house now you know.”

“I was worried about how you would react.”

“We can talk about this later, your coach looks like he might yell at you.”

You laughed when someone waved their hand in front of Kuroo’s face and he jumped a little bit, clearly surprised.

You could feel his presence in your soul now, a little blip that hadn’t been there before.

The bond felt almost tangible between the two of you.

You understood why he was such a good receiver now. Some of his feline capabilities transferred into his human form.

You watched quietly from the second floor and yelled at Bokuto when he went into an emo mode.

“Who are you cheering for?” Kuroo asked when you cheered for Akaashi after he pulled off an amazing setter dump.

“My friend,” you told him. “I’ve known Akaashi a lot longer than I’ve known you, Kuroo.”

“And I want to know you better,” Kuroo said, smirking at you from where he was standing.

“I thought possessiveness was a canine trait,” you teased, and he chuckled a little bit.

“You’re distracting me,” he replied.

“Fine then,” you said, pulling back away from the tether between your minds.

When the game was over, you hadn’t paid attention to the score, you gave Bokuto his promised flower crown, and you headed straight for Kuroo.

“Jackass,” you muttered. “No wonder you followed me to school everyday.”

“Surprise?” he asked.

“Now, I don’t have a problem with you keeping your clothes in my house, but stop bringing the bad joke hoodies to my house. They’re comfortable, but they’re all really bad.”

“Hey, my taste is immaculate,” Kuroo replied.

“So you two finally figured it out?” Akaashi asked.

“No thanks to you,” you told him, crossing your arms. “You couldn’t have said something like, ‘Hey, (Y/L/N), I think that’s the Rooster Head from Nekoma that Bo never shuts up about. I think that’s your familiar’? What the hell Akaashi?”

“I knew you would figure it out. Eventually. And technically I did you a favor, I told you that you should watch us play.”

“That’s fair,” you admitted. “But seriously, it’s been almost two months.”

“If it makes you feel any better, he wouldn’t shut up about you,” Akaashi said.

“I feel ganged up on,” Kuroo muttered.

“Shut it, sugarwhiskers, you don’t get to play victim here,” you told him. “You could’ve shifted at any time and you chose to stay as a cat.”

“First of all,” Kuroo began, “your house is not big enough for the human versions of us. Secondly, you seemed to like the cat better. And most parents would freak out if they caught their child with a teenage boy that looks like me.”

“Wow, you have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you?” you asked, crossing your arms as everyone walked with Fukurodani boys out to their bus. “And the only reason I liked the cat better was because I didn’t know the human.”

“And now?”

“And now I think I like the cat better,” you teased, making him squawk indignantly. “I’m teasing.”

Kuroo smiled at you and you smiled back.

This was going to be fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t sure when you stopped sleeping next to a cat and you started sleeping next to a man, but you weren’t opposed to it.

“Mornin’,” Kuroo muttered when he wandered into the kitchen.

“Hey,” you murmured, kissing his cheek when he draped himself across your back. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he told you, swaying you back and forth.

“Why do you always sleep with me?” you asked. “Wow that sounded bad. Let me rephrase that sentence. Why do you always sleep at my house? Aren’t your parents worried?”

“Nah, they know where I am, who I’m with. The only thing they said about it was, and I quote, ‘Just make sure to use protection, we don’t need a litter of grandbabies yet’, and I left it at that,” Kuroo said.

“Wow,” you muttered.

“Yeah,” Kuroo agreed.

You leaned back against him and sighed in contentment at the warmth he radiated.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing your cheek.

“I love you too,” you told him. “Sugarwhiskers.”

He laughed and you smiled lazily at him. Six months really made a difference when you had your familiar.

Kuroo had boosted your magic energy, the shop was doing better than ever, you were getting more sleep, more hugs, and you were happier than you had ever been.

“Don’t start Kitten,” Kuroo warned you, his arms tightening around your waist.

You smiled at him, a smirk you had learned from him and said, “Or what?”

You couldn’t wait for his reaction. You liked the cat, but you loved the man so much more than that.

[tisfan]

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently; between the @bannedtogetherbingo2020 kerfluffle and the BLM protests 

(one thing that I’ve been doing recently that seems to annoy the living SHIT out of my fellow White People is correcting “riots” to “protests.” 

“Were you near the riots --” “I did not attend the protests, but I did donate to the medical fund for the man who was injured by removal of the statue on High Street.”

This seems to drive people absolutely batshit, and I will continue to do it. These are not riots and if they have similar characteristics with riots it’s because cops are treating everyone not even like criminals, but like hostile enemy forces.)

Mostly what I’ve been reading about is the difficulty that POC fans have in getting their voices heard in fandom. That the history of fandom is primarily the history of White Fandom. 

(this is long, so there’s more under the cut - I also tell stories A LOT so brace for personal experience asides)

I’ve been thinking about comments I’ve seen by black and brown fans about trying to get away from racist stories on A03. And trying to figure out if there’s a way to give people what they want -- a way to tag posts/topics/writers/ships on a permanent block list. I know I’ve spoken with several fans who have extensive filter scripts when they go looking for a new read and that shit is EXHAUSTING and doesn’t work necessarily on mobile devices.

I, for instance, have QUITE A LOT of stuff blacklisted on tumblr because I find P*nnyW*se the Creepy Teeth Demon to be horrific and I do not want him on my screen. And the movie’s name is IT for fuck’s sake. I can’t blacklist the word “It” and still expect to see any content at all. So, thinking about how much trouble I had keeping PWCTD off my screen gives me some sympathy to how hard it’s got to be to filter out something that people aren’t even tagging! 

I mean, honestly, most of the time that people tag a fic TW: racist, they already KNOW the character is acting in a racist manner and they’re condemning it. When people don’t realize the character is racist, or a word, or a trope is racist (mystical black character, for instance) they don’t tag it as racist because they either don’t know, are unconscious of their own bias, of they don’t care that it’s racist. 

In the same manner, Person A who’s writing fic they know is dub-con will tag it, and Person B who thinks stalking someone and climbing in their window at night is romantic will NOT tag the same scenes as dub-con.

Which doesn’t make it any less jarring when I suddenly run into a fic that I would absolutely count as noncon/dubcon that’s not tagged for it. The intentions of the author don’t matter TO ME at that moment, what matters to me is that I’m trying to breathe while the romantic interest on my eReader is saying “aw, that’s so sweet.”

So, there’s multiple questions that come up for me -- I’m not a computer person, so while the A03 code is available for use, I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I tried. 

Is there a way to tag something from the outside? An overlay or side program (like an Xkit for A03) that would allow people to permanently blacklist certain tags or authors, tropes, etc? I know there are some hosting sites (unfortunately with ads) that basically funnel stuff from A03 to a reader. There was a big kerfluffle about it at the beginning of the year because OMG, someone is making money off my fanfic! protip, no, they weren’t. they were making money off someone else’s desire for a custom skin. The material itself was never leaving A03, it wasn’t stored anywhere else. A03 does not currently have a phone app and they don’t plan to have a phone app.

So, would it be possible for someone to write a phone-app that did a custom filter for the material. Blacklists are certainly possible, right?

Because here’s the thing; a lot of people who are racist don’t know that they are. Or they don’t care that they are. I have personally had a couple of hard conversations about racism (I’m not even going to call it “unconscious racism” because I am a grown-ass adult capable of reading, so if I act in a racist manner, I’m going to fucking own it. And apologize for it. And try to do better.) in my own work -- whitewashing a character at one point, using a quote from a black woman as a title for a story about Wanda. I’m still not entirely convinced that a Jewish/Romani woman is “white” in any sort of traditional sense. That said, I’m not a POC and I’m going to listen to the person who’s upset because of my usage and not my own feeling of “I don’t really think Wanda counts as white.” This may be partially because WANDA is whitewashed as shit in the MCU and a lot of people in the fandom do not read comics.

That further said, I made the changes as requested and apologized for it in the work/notes. And felt very uncomfortable when some of my white friends said “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” I’m not sorry I had to deal with it. I wish I hadn’t DONE it, but I am glad that people felt comfortable enough with me to call my on my bullshit and I was able to make corrections and amends.

Still-- All of this boils down to: People are not going to, in good faith, tag their own fic as “don’t read this, I am racist.”  

Everything that gets done on A03 -- which is an Archive -- is voluntary by the author. A03′s policies are pretty much “tag to warn” or “tag that you’re NOT tagging to warn.” The only action A03 takes for inappropriate tagging is to ask the author to update the Warning to match, or choose not to warn. If there’s no compliance, A03 will assign the fic “choose not to warn.” But that’s the extend of their policies.

We all know this history; no censorship. Censorship is a slope that leads to fanwork disappearing. Because here’s another fact: it doesn’t matter what the intention is of censoring a story; that censorship is going to be applied badly. 

So, if A03 was going to ban racist fic, how long do you think it would take before the reporting system was flooded? Even legit reports of racism are going to take a while to read through, judge, contact the author, wait for possibly updates or retractions, and then removal.

A03′s staff are volunteers, and I understand there aren’t very many of them. There are six MILLION works on A03. No one could hope to read them all with a careful enough eye to catch all instances of harmful texts.

And we all know what’s going to happen: it’s easier to delete all stories that get complaints, rather than read them.

So, Fan A gets Fan C’s fic taken down for racial stereotyping and Fan C tells all of her friends, who go on a crusade to report every single one of Fan Q’s fics in retaliation (not because Fan Q did anything “wrong” but because they happened to post a blog about racial stereotyping in fandom) And we’re right back to strikethru.

Yet, censorship is one of those things that makes me very, very nervous. Do I think a white boy who writes a self-insert rape fantasy novella about violating and murdering Zoe Quinn should be allowed a platform? No, I don’t. (And neither did Amazon, who took it down fairly quickly once it was brought to their attention. But that’s only one case, where there are probably thousands of books that are personal attacks and are left merrily alone.)

There are a lot of books on the banned book list. If people thought they could get away with it, those books would be unpublished, unpersoned, black bagged. 

We all know that the rules get applied badly, by the people with the biggest mouths and the loudest complaints. So banning content on A03 does not seem to be the solution.

(Personal story time again, just skip this if you want.)

I came into fandom backward; I was a traditionally published erotica / romance writer first and moved into fandom after the collapse of several small publishing houses for various scandals that I won’t bore you with but you can look here if you want more information. 

Several years ago, I was in an anthology that i was Very Proud of, and I really like the editor I worked with, wanted to work with her again. She sent me a premise for submission that left me cold. Which is to say, she wanted to publish cuckolding stories. 

[x] <-- warning, that link is REALLY harsh and filled with some real WTF moments, from someone who’s pointing out the racism inherent in the system.

Especially when you consider the Mandingo aspects of the fantasy, it’s easy to see why just the existence of it is repulsive.

I declined the invitation to participate because I was deeply uncomfortable with the subject matter. 

I’m not saying that to get praise for my behavior. 

Because when the subject came up again about two or three years ago in some fandom discourse, I sided with my friends who were defending “no censorship, no matter what.”

(End of personal aside.)

Despite my personal feelings about the issue (ew, this is icky and racist and horrible and I would never write it) I still believe that I don’t have the right to say what someone else can write, read, or enjoy.

I’m trying to find the path between “this sort of reading material is harmful and I don’t think it should have a platform,” “this should be heavily tagged to avoid upsetting people,” and “there are people who feel that way about gay, non-christian stories as well.” And what’s more, I’m trying to find it in a way that doesn’t stifle authors’ voices.

Even with my idea of an overlay, that’s putting the burden on the people most affected-- someone would have to rate stories as “racist” or “not racist” (and even then, it’s seldom that clear cut. Microaggressions abound.) and the people best capable of doing that would be readers of color. Which hardly seems productive. Or fair. 

“Don’t like; don’t read” is often the calling card of fandom writers. I’ve said it myself. That’s what the fucking back button is for. But when I say it, I mean “I don’t want to hear your wank about Tony Stark in my inbox” not “I don’t want to be called out for racism when I wrote a story.”

https://ggmadeit.com/blog/why-i-cant-just-knit-the-story-of-a-black-knitter-during-civil-unrest/ -- I’m including this link because this piece really made me think. I can’t ever put down being a woman. I can’t read or watch horribly misogynistic work without being upset, and I have trouble sitting in the room with my male friends who insist on watching it and want to say “it’s only a movie.”

Being black is part of someone’s life. It can’t be erased just because it’s not convenient. Just because it interrupts your good time. It shouldn’t be put aside because “it’s just a story.”

As fans, we have to do better.

We all know what it’s like to be pushed out, to be made second best, to be asked when we’re going to get a real hobby, when are you going to grow up, why did you spend money on that merch? So we need to reach further. 

I don’t have answers. And even if I did, I’m not the one who needs to give them. What I need to do is listen to the people who have answers and HELP THEM get what they need.

We need to do better. We need to BE better.

[danyka-fendyr]

Eight

Alright everyone, so this is just a little thing I made for @dreamwritesimagines writer’s block challenge. Because she is an absolute love, she let me write it about Matt Murdock rather than, say, literally any of the characters I was really supposed to write it about. I named it Eight because recently I’ve been getting a little into enneagrams because Sleeping at Last released an amazing album about them and I feel like Matt would be an 8. So many of the lyrics on track 8 describe Matt to me. It’s a bit short, but that’s because I still have homework to do, lol. I hope you guys like it! Dream was kind enough to let me use the prompts, “We’re not together, we’re bros- I’m gonna be his best woman at his wedding. “ and “You? You’re my superhero crush?” I love her brain, and I love her stories, so I feel very lucky to get to make this. Thanks so much Dream!

Warnings: None because for once in my life I’m not murdering anybody. Really just some pg-13 action type stuff.

Wordcount: 1864

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through

-Sleeping at Last, Eight

Matt Murdock was undoubtedly a complicated man in every sense of the word. He usually looked like he had fallen asleep in an iron maiden, and not the band, he left at the most inconvenient times, and he slept with more women than one could reasonably count on both hands.

You were very unsure why you were friends with him. Frankly, it seemed like a terrible idea. You were definitely not the kind of person who found yourself friends with an insane person.

“I would disagree with that.” Matt interrupted you.

“Hey! I was trying to inner monologue.”

“Yeah, well, you were outer monologuing.”

“Not the first time.” You sighed, leaning forward on his couch to touch your toes.

“I can’t see what you’re doing but I can tell it’s dumb.”

“You’re so mean to me.” 

In spite of that, you sat back up, rolling over to lay your head in his lap. Matt didn’t have to think before sinking his hands into your hair, playing with it. You sighed, closing your eyes against the glow of the neon lights swimming across the walls of his otherwise dark apartment.

“You really have the worst view, you know that?”

You could hear Matt smile. “That’s not what you said the first time you saw it. You called it, ‘enchantingly urban,’ as I recall.”

“That was for your benefit. It’s crap.” You opened your eyes again so you could glare at him accusingly. 

“If it’s so bad then why do you crash on my couch so often?”

“Because my roommate, though I love her dearly, snores like Mr. Snuffleupagus if he was dying.”

“Big Bird’s got a gun,” Matt sing-songed.

“Was that even a thing when you were in school or is this just another result of the creepy amount of time you spend with children.”

“A. It is not creepy. I just happen to do a lot of pro bono work, and children just happen to usually be broke. B. I think you’re just asking that question because you’re trying to avoid the elephant in the room.”

“Wait, there’s an elephant in the room?” You sat up. “Matt, I think you’re seeing things. Oh wait...”

“That is really not as clever as you think it is.”

“Oh no, it is. And you love it.”

“Alright, you’ve got me there.”

“Seriously though. Is there an elephant in the room I just don’t know about? Because as far as I’m concerned we’re peachy.” You tucked your feet up under yourself, the material of Matt’s couch digging into your skin.

“The fact that you’ve been here, sleeping on my couch, almost every night this week.”

You frowned. “I thought you said you liked having me around.”

“I do. But having you around this much sometimes interferes with my...social life.”

“Oh, ew! Too much information, Matthew!” You recoiled, putting your hands over your ears.

You and Matt had been friends for roughly forever. Okay, so it hadn’t been that long. It had been a few years though. In the timeline of Significant Matt Life Events, you had met him pre-Karen Paige, post-Foggy Nelson. It had been a match made in heaven when you accidentally walked into him and he, with all the snark in the world, had asked you how you had managed to bump into him even though he was the blind one. He thought he was funny, but you weren’t as amused. Foggy asked you for your phone number, one bad date lead to a great friendship, and the rest was history.

“The elephant in the room is Foggy’s new girlfriend.”

“Um...I think she might take offense to that, Matt. Like, a lot of offense.”

If he looked about 2 inches to his left he would be glaring right at you.

“No seriously. I don’t get what you’re trying to get at here, Matty.”

“What I’m trying to say is that Foggy hasn’t dated anyone since you. I was just wondering...how you felt about that.”

It was at this point in time that you started dying laughing. It wasn’t really that funny, but in a way, it was. You? Heartbroken over Foggy Nelson, a man you had gone on one date with once, years ago? Unlikely. You said as much.

“Okay.” Matt sounded oddly relieved. “I just wanted to make sure. They asked us to dinner tomorrow night, but I was prepared to make excuses for you.”

“Ooooh, dinner? Sounds perfect!” You gave Matt your toothiest smile, even though he couldn’t see it.

“I’m not paying for you.”

You punched him in the arm. “Meanie.”

Dinner with Matt and Foggy’s new girlfriend was an interesting affair. Not because Foggy’s new girlfriend wasn’t nice. She was! She just also mistakenly assumed you were on a double date. You weren’t!

“So, Matt,” she started, taking a sip of her drink. “Enough about Foggy and I. How long have you and Y/N been dating?”

Matt looked more surprised than he probably should have given that they had been asked this question a few times.

 “Us? Dating. No.” Matt laughed. “I think you misunderstood. Y/N and I are just friends.”

“Yeah. We’re not together, we’re bros- I’m gonna be his best woman at his wedding. “

“Oh, I’m so sorry. You two just seemed so comfortable with each other, and...” She glanced down to where Matt’s jacket lay over your shoulders, your fingers intertwined over the table from where you sat on the opposite side of the booth in the cozy little Italian restaurant you knew was run by one of Matt’s old clients.

Now, listen. You know what it looked like. But there was a very simple explanation for all of this. You had gotten cold outside, Matt was a gentleman, your hands were also cold by proxy, you liked hand-holding, you liked Matt- Okay. So you liked Matt. Was that a crime?

That being said, it was none of anybody’s business.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Truth is, I’m already taken,” you said.

“Oh?” She seemed very surprised by that.

“Yeah. Daredevil has my heart. I love me a vigilante with a good butt.”

Foggy snorted. He was always very very amused by your innocent crush on Daredevil. You could never tell why, but you just assumed it was because he had a great sense of humor, even though he was rarely so entertained by your other jokes.

“You could say he’s a handsome devil,” Foggy chimed in.

“Ha! That’s a good one.” You grinned.

The night carried on in much the same way, though Foggy’s date seemed a little perplexed by the dynamic between you and Matt. You were pretty sure that at some point she went back to assuming you two were dating just because it was easier for her to handle. You couldn’t blame the poor girl. Even you got confused sometimes by the fact that you were not-dating Matthew Murdock. Matt liked to keep things confusing.

By the time you stumbled back to Matt’s apartment, you could barely keep your eyes open. You were a night owl, admittedly, but a night out on the town always left you feeling drained. Accordingly, Matt agreed to let you stay on his couch again. You could have loved him for that alone.

“Matt?” Your voice was quiet, hesitant as his keys jangled in the lock.

“Yes?” He opened the door, leading the two of you inside.

There is silence for a moment as you two shuffle your way inside, Matt’s cane tapping against the floor out of reflex. Your hands are still intertwined, and you don’t know how to say what you want to say next. You’re not even sure if you should say it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Is something wrong?”

You take a shaky breath, stepping away from him and letting go of his hand. You can’t look at him right now, but that doesn’t really matter since he can’t tell the difference. You stare out his window instead, watching the neon signs buzz into the night.

“What would you say...if I told you I was a little bit in love with you?”

He doesn’t say anything, which in your mind is answer enough. Contrary to popular belief, you can actually take a hint. The message from Matt is loud and clear, ironic given all the silence surrounding you.

“I would say I’m glad I’m not the only one because I’m a little bit in love with you too.”

“You are?” You pivot to face him, eyes wide.

“Yes. I never wanted to say anything though, because I always thought you were still a little hung up over Foggy and...I don’t know. I date a lot of women and I didn’t want you to think you were just some passing phase or a replacement for someone or anything like that. I guess I just-”

You cut him off. You know it’s rude, but you can’t yourself. With greedy hands, you grab his face and press his mouth to your own.

Kissing Matt is a very physical experience. With him being blind, it’s like he’s trying to soak up as much of you as he can. Matt has all the prowess kissing you you would expect from a man with his experience, and it takes your breath away. His mouth moves against your own with an intensity you couldn’t have predicted, one hand tangling in your head. You feel his cane fall to the floor when the other hand wraps around your waist, pulling you flush against his body, skin on skin.

When you pull away, you can barely breathe, barely think. It is a rush to kiss Matt, and suddenly you have an idea of how he gets women into bed with him so easy. You would probably do anything he asked you to right now.

“I...If we’re going to do this, I have to tell you something,” he said.

“Yes. Anything.” Your eyes are still a little glassy.

“I’m the Daredevil.” He says it all in one go, spits it right out like he’s ripping off a band-aid.

There is a beat.

“You’re the what now?”

“I’m the-”

“No I heard you.” You pull yourself out of his arms, taking a step back in surprise. “You....You? You’re my superhero crush?”

“Yeah...sorry about that. I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid you would get hurt if you knew, but if we’re going to do this for real you have to know. I don’t want someone coming after you and having you be unprepared and-”

“Oh my gosh is that why Foggy thought all of my Daredevil comments were so funny?” You screeched.

“Yes, probably, but I don’t think you’re listening to me right now-”

“I can’t believe this! I just totally made out with my superhero crush. You felt me up!”

Matt sighed. At a certain point, he always realized he was never going to get through to you.

“Want to do it again?” He offered.

“Heck yeah!”

So you did. And that’s the story of how you somehow ended up dating your superhero crush. Who knew? Dreams really do come true.

[fromdirectorlanawachowski]

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles. 

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

[definegirlfriends]

favorite fics where one of the boys comes to the realization that they’re not straight?

All of these fics are about them realizing they aren’t straight, or similar enough that I thought they could be included! I put a little ✨ by my favorites! Enjoy x 

Allies in Heaven, Comrades in Hell: (265k) A Catholic school!AU where Louis is finishing sixth form and will definitely be famous someday if Harry has something to say about it, Liam is the racist homophobe that Zayn is dreadfully in love with, and Niall teaches guitar.  ✨

Baby Heaven’s In Your Eyes: (120k) A sixth form!AU where Harry is the fucked up bad boy with too many problems, Louis is the perfect rich boy with too much money and their schools are right across from each other. They meet at a party and that’s the last (and maybe the only) thing they need. ✨

Both Showing Hearts: (113k) Louis Tomlinson is, in fact, not straight. Harry Styles isn’t sure what he is. Together, they figure it out, and maybe fall in love along the way. Or, the Uni AU where Louis helps Harry figure out his sexuality, Niall crashes a bachelorette party, Liam works in a printing centre, and Zayn happens to need lots of printing done.

Completely, and Absolutely: (2.5k) Louis is so completely and absolutely NOT gay that the fact that anyone thinks Harry is his soulmate is just being ridiculous. Including himself. He just thinks they’re mates that are two parts of the same soul, and that’s not weird at all. Okay?Or, the one in which Louis spends the entirety of X Factor so deep in denial that he doesn’t realize he’s gay until he’s already 3000% gone for the dimpled mess in his arms.

Fumbling In The Dark: (21k) Louis is straight, Harry is not. They still shag a lot.

Hiding Place: (365k) Louis never wanted a soulmate, didn’t really care for the whole Bonding thing at all, really. Enter Harry Styles, who’s wanted to be Bonded for as long as he could remember. With one fateful meeting in an X Factor bathroom, Louis gets a dagger on his arm and the realization that just because Harry is his soulmate doesn’t mean it’s mutual.From the X Factor house to Madison Square Garden, from the Fountain Studios stage to stadiums across the world, Louis has to learn to love without losing himself completely, because someday his best friend will Bond to someone and replace Louis as the center of his universe. ✨

How Many Secrets Can You Keep?: (11k) Harry, a homophobic Christian, joins Louis’ gay-straight alliance club at school, hoping to somehow attract lesbians (he’ll work out the logistics later). Louis shows him what he didn’t know he was actually there for. 

I’m a Beggar In The Morning (I’m a King At Night): (7k) ever since harry whispered things about louis at the grocery store they’ve been best friends and harry’s straight and louis’ not and that’s just how it is. “Sweet dreams, love,” Louis murmurs, and even though he feels creepy, he slips his hand in between Harry’s thighs and it’s warm and he kisses his cheek. He turns and leaves and doesn’t see that Harry’s eyes snap open or hear that a whine comes from his mouth.

I’m Trying Not To Make A Sound: (10k) Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible. or basically, “I am in fact straight.” / “Don’t knock it till you try it.”

Learning to Breathe: (110k) He’s playing football at one of the top universities in England and he should love everything about his life right now, but instead he’s moving backwards. How does your past fit into your present? Louis is still figuring it out. ✨

Let Me Teach You Something: (72k) In the last year of their degree program, the five boys are put in a group for the duration of a year long Capstone class. They will spend days and nights together working tirelessly to finish school. Louis has no problem with his sexuality and has the notches on his bed post to prove it, but will straight-laced, straight-boy Harry change all that? 

My Heart Is Beating For This Moment In Time: (160k) When Louis first saw Harry at the 2010 X Factor Auditions, he thought he was watching a peculiarly special stranger. But Harry has known Louis ever since he was five years old.Because Louis has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to Time Travel to important moments in his past and in his future - and to Harry, always to Harry. When they’re put into a band together, it seems like everything Harry has been waiting and wishing for has finally come true. Except for the small fact that Louis doesn’t know that Harry is in love with him- that Harry’s always been in love with him. Fate, it would seem, is just getting started.A story about growing up and growing together, and the impossible love that makes it all worthwhile. ✨

Nobody Compares To You: (10k) Harry has a long-term crush on his bandmate and best friend Louis, who is straight, at least as far as he knows. He also starts falling in love with this guy he met on tumblr. Who also has a crush on his own best mate. Things are about to get complicated.Or, the one where Harry falls in love twice, Louis is just incredibly sweet and supportive, and Al from tumblr is super nice but also really secretive about his identity - not that Harry can blame him, considering his own blog is run under false pretenses, too.

Not So Typical: (90k) Harry Styles; football phenomenon, academic prodigy and the most liked guy at Washington State.  Harry has it all; the looks, the popularity, the best friends and it doesn’t hurt that there is a line of girls ready to jump his bones at any second.  It all was perfect…almost perfect that is.  Until that one night, with that one too many drink still burning in his throat and those piercing blue eyes infusing themselves into his every thought.

Photograph: (207k) Harry steadies his jaw. “What do you want from me?”Louis’ bottom lip wobbles. “I’m not gay.”“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” And at that, Louis seems to completely lose his shit. He rushes towards Harry, banging his fists on Harry’s collarbones in a frenzy, and begins yelling– “I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you so much!”Tears are rushing down his cheeks, and then he’s shoving Harry away, drunk out of his ass, causing Harry to stumble back a bit. Louis then begins to clutch at himself, fisting his own clothes to his chest, dribble falling from his mouth, his arms shaky and his back hunched.“Fuckfuckfuckufkcufkc!” He spits, face contorted, hands trembling. “I hate you!”“No, you don’t.” Harry steps forward, face concerned. “You don’t hate me.”- An epic love story in which Harry is too in love for his own good, Louis is in denial of his sexuality, and they write songs instead of actually talking to each other.

Pillow Talk: (25k) “So, do you think I should… find someone to fool around with?” Harry asks, nervous again. “To see if I like it?”  Louis swallows hard but hopes he covers it pretty well with a casual shrug. “I mean, it would probably help to know that you actually want everything that goes along with being with a guy. If you can’t handle the machinery, it’s probably not for you, you know?”  Harry nods and appears to be steeling himself. Louis tenses, afraid that he knows what’s coming.  “Would you do it?”  “Do what?” Louis plays dumb.  Harry has to take another deep breath before he can say it.  “Will you help me figure out if I like it? Being with a boy?” Or When Harry starts having confusing feelings for a male classmate, his sister’s best friend, Louis, helps him figure himself out. Cue lots of kissing, sex, and falling in love.

Red Brick Heart: (98k) Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted. ✨

Resist Everything Except Temptation: (100k) The one where Louis is the commodore’s son who is forced to become a part of Harry’s crew when he is captured. ✨

Shake Me Down: (208k) Harry’s new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization. ✨

Standing Here But You Don’t See Me: (22k) “Louis being with a guy is something Harry has always known was a possibility. Ever since Louis told them he was gay, he knew that this would come up at some point. But it was just that. At some point. It’s always been a hypothetical. Harry never thought it would bother him. But now, watching Louis squirm as he watches that other guy, it’s just not a hypothetical anymore. And Harry is very bothered by it.“or: Harry’s discovery that he like boys as well as girls. One boy in particular catches his eye and he’s determined to get him.

Supposed to Be: (20k) “I’m making a movie for a film competition, and I want you to be in it,” Harry told Louis. “I think you would be a great leading actor in it.” “Why?” “Because it’s you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know all about the amazing Louis Tomlinson? It would be a great movie.” “You don’t have some weird crush or, like, secret obsession with me, do you?” Louis asked. Harry bit his tongue so he didn’t say “Ew, I have standards.” He didn’t think that would go over well. Of course, that was assuming Louis understood what that meant. — Or, the Geek Charming AU where Harry’s a film geek, Louis’ a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

The Impossible Now: (49k) A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction. 

Unbelievers: (136k) It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan. ✨

You and Me: (12k) harry is potentially screwed and louis is definitely hopeless, but its ok because as long as they’re in each other’s lives, everything will somehow probably turn out the way that its supposed to.

[bredsticon-blog]

title: the alternative

part: one (saint or sinner)

desc: you have died. you weren't an extraordinary person when you were alive--you made a few little sins and a few little good deeds, but it's not enough to land you in heaven nor hell. so the reaper gives you two choices: be in limbo forever, or serve equal years in heaven and hell. well, you choose the latter...

tags: angel!nick & demon!zion love triangle (or not? wink), heaven and hell au (yes ik purgatory exists but it has different purposes for this series), ooc (on purpose, i swear), sfw (as in, no smut), gore, violence (i mean, you're in hell...), cussing, murder, mentions of: rape, abuse, addiction (alcohol, LSD, heroin, uhh everything else), mental issues (depression, suicide), and death in general. gender/sex neutral reader (as always) and humor to lighten the mood

word count: 2k

notes: it isn't nearly as scary as the tags make it seem, i promise. i spent a l o n g time on the promo art for this (which imma post LATER) so uhh please read :'( haha yes i WILL finish writing the fma!austin fic and make the part 2 for ¡quake! & ~the wave~ but my ass is still collecting gifs and cleaning up plot holes sksksk and on the 2.76% chance the boys read this: hi follow me im @/bredsticon on ig, i make quality content and be more active on tumblr please we love you

You don't remember dying.

You're dead, and you don't remember dying.

Perhaps, in another life, you once thought that death accompanied a special feeling: life flashing before your eyes, lights out, everything over before your last breath escapes your lungs. But this is... this is slow. So slow. You're still on earth. Floating.. somewhere. Nowhere else. You see the world, all of it. Stars twinkle in the mist. The world around you is gray and dark. You watch your home fall apart. Every crack and shake is in full detail, and, dimly, you watch the sprouting of vines and weeds in its place. The weeds brush heads as they cluster your old house, your old neighborhood, your old country, your old everything.

You're old.

Breathless doesn't begin to describe it. You don't have lungs. You don't have... you don't. You just don't. You are nowhere. You are nothing. You don't exist.

Someone waves inside of you.

What the—

"Hello, Soul One-Hundred Thirty-Three Billion, Seventy-Five Million and Sixty-Five. You're late."

An NYC accent? You're from—

"Now that's a mouthful. I'll just call you Rosebud. See, you were supposed to cross over..." A watch ticks inside your... your form? You? "...millennia ago. Five millennia, in fact."

The voice throws a powder on you. Something blooms inside you, and you fall to the ground.

You gasp—holy shit, you can gasp. You move your head around. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, you have muscles, you have form, you can move. You exist.

The voice has a form, too. He looks like you: human. Flaming blue hair, khaki-colored skin with reddish-pink polka dots and marks. He wears modern clothes: a bright yellow vest and green pants. And glowing. He's like a painting. Human, kinda.

You gape at him. This doesn't exist. This can't exist. You thought you'd be nothing forever. But now you're something and that's something and the world around you is still murky but it's something and oh my God. Oh my fucking God. What happened to you? What happened to your home? Why aren't you dead?

The form smiles at you. "Be careful with mentioning the Master Creator so much. They're listening, y'know. They can tell when you're talking about Them."

He offers you a hand. Shaking, you take it. You wobble so hard you grab his shoulder, and he pats your wrist.

"Relax, Rosebud, we're gonna go up now. Take my hands." Gently, he takes your hand off his shoulder and interlocks your fingers together. You close your eyes as he pulls you close.

Once you open them, you're no longer on Earth.

You're in an office.

Vaguely relaxing piano music plays in the background. The walls gleam "eggshell white" (whatever that means), and copy-and-paste potted plants commiserate in corners, on shelves, and on top of desks. Rows and rows of cubicles line up in front of you, complete with ancient computers, loud clicking, and early morning groans of "I need more coffee, for fu- fun's sake!" A vending machine and a water cooler stand behind you, with banged-up tables interspersed between those.

Someone rises out of a cubicle. His skin is pale, but his hair is dark. "Reaper Honoret Jr.! Is that—oh my goodness, is that the stray? You did it! It took a few millennia, but you did it!"

Honoret Jr. grimaces. "My bad, Dad. The soul blended in so well, it took me a while... my readings showed complete neutrality. It's like there's no one there." The reaper looked back at you. "I only caught a flicker. Right now, I can't—"

His dad chuckles. "Not Dad. It's Reaper Honoret Sr. to you." He winks. "I'm kidding, y'know how they get around here."

He comes forward and wraps his arms around the boy, then unlatches. Without Honoret Jr's support, you fall to the ground, so you watch as he holds his son's shoulders. "Your bad? What do you mean? I'm proud of you. So, so proud. You're the only one who could even—actually, wait."

He turns to face the cubicles. "Reapers of Thanatos & Co., guess who just caught the stray!"

The clicking stops.

Someone coughs. "You're joking, right?"

"Absolutely not. In fact, it's behind me, right now."

Chairs scoot on scratchy carpet as the reapers of Thanatos & Co. nearly jump out of their cubicles to see you. Forty reapers dressed in some manner of business attire speed walk in your direction. One pushes Honoret Jr. out of the way—his dad has to catch him before he falls on his face.

When they see you, they stop. They start staring at the air around you. They sniff like blood hounds.

After a pause, a reaper with large eyebrows turns to another, eyes wide. "I think... I can't... I literally..."

The other nods. "Same here. Reaper Honoret Sr. isn't lying."

The crowd murmurs in agreement.

A reaper with short pink hair raises his hand. When no one calls on him, he puts it down and mutters something about being new. "Wait, if Reaper Honoret Sr. found the stray, shouldn't we tell the Grand Reaper about it first?"

Once more, the crowd murmurs in agreement.

The eyebrow reaper stares at you—no, not at you. Into you. Like you're not even there. "Before that, we need to know who found it. Reaper Honoret Sr., did you find it? We need someone to congratulate."

He grins. "Nope! My son did." He shook his boy's shoulders.

The reaper raises a brow, then gives the blue-haired reaper a look. "Oh. Well, uhm, congratulations."

The crowd weakly claps. Good job... mhm... congratulations, Junior... and then they disperse back into their leather spin chairs.

Honoret Jr. turns to you and makes a face. "Sorry about that. Office drama. Can't escape it, even in this world."

He doesn't look like a reaper to you. No black cloak, no creepy aura, no skeleton fingers. Kind, colorful, couldn't be a reaper. Nope. Impossible. None of this is.

"You're not believing a lot of things, I know. The first few days are the hardest." He gifts you with another smile. "You'll get there, I promise. I'm here to help.

"Name's Edwin, by the way. You've been calling me Honoret Jr. and that just gives me middle school flashbacks. No thanks."

You can't even make a proper facial expression to react to that. You can't formulate words—or even walk without Edwin holding your hand. He's reading your thoughts, at least. You're basically a vegetable.

He shrugs. "Give it a few hours, Rosebud. The vegetable'll wear off. Your body's just adjusting to this plane. No shame."

You can't speak, so you just think of the word: thanks. My name is—

"Oh, I know what your name is. I've been searching for you for five millennia. I'd be a horrible reaper if I didn't know."

He extends a hand. "Speaking of vegetable and horrible reaper, I bet you're hungry. You're also naked. Let's fix that."

-

Reapers need to eat, surprisingly. Edwin leads you through a myriad of hallways with the exact same paintings and potted plants (this is disgustingly easy to get lost in, you think. Edwin agrees) until you reach the break room. It takes you an hour.

No one's in there except you two. Edwin gave you some of his clothes (kept in another room), so you're wearing a red fit with a black vest and a lime green beanie. He tried to offer his matching ski mask, but you managed to mentally shout "No!" before he put it away. You don't mind wearing his stuff, but you wonder what that could imply. Do reapers...? Actually, you don't wanna think about that.

The break room curves up into a sparkling, plastic chandelier. The rest of the room accommodates a fridge plastered in posters, a microwave, and a dirty coffee maker paired with beige countertops. A pile of paper plates and utensils decorates the left countertop, while a sink occupies the right end. Island tables take up the rest of the center, leaving room for vending machines in the back.

Edwin scrunches his nose. "Who's bummy ass forgot to wash the coffee pot? Ew." He examines it, then starts washing the dishes.

He looks back at you. "You can go raid the fridge. Just don't touch the lunch boxes or uh—bento boxes, I think. Those are Reaper Porter's, and he will get very mad if you touch his bento. I did that once, so he threw a fork at me then said I messed with his feng shui."

Edwin mutters something about unseasoned chicken as he continues scrubbing coffee stains.

You stand up. Your walk is wobbly at best, and you feel like a pile of jello—you're weak in the knees, like jello. But you're getting there. Its better than before. At some point in your hour-long journey to the break room, poor Edwin had to carry you. You felt bad, but at least he's strong. Maybe it's a reaper thing.

You stumble to the fridge. Posters and dates and schedules cover the surface, but you brush past them to find what truly matters: the food.

Reaper office food tastes just as bland as human office food. How sad.

You find that your body works just like it used to. You're hungry, you can feel pain, and you're starting to move. It's like you never died. And now you're in a huge office full of slightly-glowy people who call themselves Reapers and also can't sense you, which is a concept you still don't understand. Or maybe you didn't die? Maybe someone stirred some LSD in your drink? And this is all... a major... acid... trip...

You blink, then pinch yourself. Nope. You're 'swell.

Edwin pulls out a chair. "Now that we're done with the basics, Rosebud, we need to get you registered. You're a bit of a weird case, but you're not too too special. Just uncommon."

He pauses. "Well, actually, you might be a little more special than that. Just a tad."

You give him a look. Something builds in your throat.

"What the fuck?"

He giggles. "Those are your first words on this plane? I—"

"No, seriously. What. The. Fuck." You sound like a cheese grater but you don't care. "I literally have no idea what's going on. I died, I think, then I watched mankind die too as the Earth turned into dandelions, then you went inside of me and threw some pixie dust to make me come back again, suddenly I'm in a 90s sitcom office and I'm naked which literally no one told me about until everyone else saw me as bare as the day I was born and—"

Edwin pats your hand. "All right, all right, let it out, let it out. I'll explain everything. It's just really long." He rubs the back of his neck. "And we're kinda on a time crunch here."

"A time crunch. When it took us an hour just to get a snack."

"Yes, a time crunch. We have about two more hours to get you registered before you become tied to this plane. Then you'll have to become a reaper, like me, and you don't wanna become a reaper." He bites deeply into his peanut butter and banana sandwich. "Shit's hard."

"I can't even—"

"Mhm." He says through a mouthful of peanut butter. "I'm rellay sorreh you're goineh frough thif. I geh how you feel. Eferyone dehs."

He swallows. "We all started out alive. No one's been here since the beginning. Except for some of the seraphim, I guess. But the rest of us? We just humans the Master Creator decided to gift. You're not alone in this. I went through the same bullshit as you. I get it."

You bow your head down. Your thoughts are too jumbled to feel actual anger. "Thanks, Edwin."

"You honestly deserve better, but no problem." He stands up and wipes his hands on a napkin. "Imma clean up after myself, so you can get a head start. We do only have two hours." He yanks you out of the chair. Still chewing, you watch as Edwin shoves you out the break room.

"Wait—hold up—wh���I don't know where I'm supposed to—"

He grins. "You will! Your senses will guide you."

"What— more vague shi—" and the door slams.

[artificialqueens]

Cause I give you all -Pt1- (Trixya) - Pichitinha

A/N: hi i am back with another fic bc i have no self control whatsoever! this is a three part story that was originally a one-shot but it made more sense to split. it’ll be finished soon bc the last part is almost done so! i will now go back to owl to see if ch4 accepts it has to be written. this is a very casual story, i hope you enjoy it! as always i am @pichitinha on this hell site and I have posted this on AO3.

It isn’t often that they get the night off when touring. Thinking about how tired and lacking months of proper sleep Trixie is, she strongly considers staying in the five star hotel they’re in and sleeping the best sleep she knows she’s had in months, but at the end of the day she knows she gets a good amount of free time on the tour bus, even if sparse and uncomfortable, and she hasn’t had fun in a long time. So she showers away her laziness, gets dressed in nice clothes and her own make-up, and goes in search of a bar.

It’s apparently the only bar in town and it’s really crowded with the most redneck crowd Trixie’s ever seen. There are large bearded men and strong women and as soon as she enters she can spot at least five people arm wrestling on tables filled with empty gigantic glasses. The smell of beer is strong and so is the smell of bacon and she turns her nose.

She finds an empty stool by the end of the counter in the middle of two couples heavily making out and she sits down with her eyes fixed on the bottles in front of her, tries to tune out the sexual noises coming from each of her sides. She truly found the most heterosexual bar in the state.

Maybe she should have chosen her sleep.

She orders herself a beer - when in Rome, right? - and sips at it slowly, lets her eyes unfocus as they stare at the bottles and her mind wonder.

She’s so tired. She hasn’t picked up her guitar in three months. She washes her hair once a week only and it’s starting to show. Her favorite clothes are now all worn out. Her make-up kit is getting way too close to being empty.

But she loves it. Touring with a country legend as a backup singer is something Trixie never thought would be so satisfying, but it is. She’s friends with her which is something she couldn’t even dream of when she was a kid, and she gets to experience the ups and down of the famous life up close. She’s doing what she loves, earning good money with it, and she’s at the best point of her life so far.

She just lets herself wonder, sometimes, when it will end. Not in a bad way but not in a good way either. Is this how it’s going to be, forever? Always on busses, from city to city, hotel to hotel, in the shadows of someone else’s spotlight? Will she ever stop somewhere long enough to find someone to build a life with? Does she even want to settle down?

She doesn’t, particularly, not in the white picket fence with 2.5 kids kind of way. But she does in the having a loving wife who cares for her and wants to share a life together kind of way. Trixie’s in love with the idea of being in love, and she knows she’ll always be.

She finishes her beer and asks for another one. There’s no point in going back to the hotel, even if she’s not mingling in any way. She might as well drink as much as she hasn’t been able to while touring, and sleep in until noon or later since they have a show in that same town the next evening so they have no plans for a few hours.

And then she takes one more look around, tries to figure out if there’s anyway at all she could fit in with anyone, and she spots a blonde woman at the other end of the long counter, sipping on a beer alone, her posture similar to Trixie’s. She might be projecting or reading what she wants to read, but everyone else is very ingrained in the place’s vibe and the two of them are the only ones completely isolated.

Trixie’s not saying the woman’s a lesbian. But Trixie isn’t saying she isn’t. There’s just that face when you know you’re the only gay person in the middle of a clearly non-accepting space and, well, that’s what Trixie’s seeing.

It’s worth trying, right?

She asks for an extra beer and moves over to where the woman is, spots an empty stool by her left side and slides swiftly into it. The woman doesn’t notice, so Trixie decides she has nothing to lose and slides the new bottle of beer in front of her. She blinks three times before coming back to her senses and looking over at Trixie.

She grins widely and Trixie melts a bit. Her teeth are displayed in the most symmetrical smile she’s ever seen and they are extremely shiny and white except for the small red mark on her front one where her lipstick probably brushed and she didn’t notice. It makes her look a bit dorky and it’s a look that definitely suits her.

“Hi,” the woman says, grabs the beer without breaking eye contact or letting her smile drop. “Is this for me?” She motions the bottle, sips at it before even getting an answer. Trixie’s half convinced her old bottle still has beer inside.

Trixie shrugs, drinks her beer as well before answering. “I was a bit lonely over there and I saw you a bit lonely over here, thought we could drink together?”

The woman smiles wider, her tooth still a bit red, and nods a little before adjusting in her seat so she’s half facing Trixie. Trixie can’t tell her intentions, isn’t fully sure if she’s just glad that she has a girl talking to her instead of a creepy guy, but whatever. At the very least she’ll share a few beers with a pretty woman before heading back to her hotel.

“I’m Katya,” she offers as she extends her hand, her short nails painted the same red shade as her lips. “Thanks for the beer.”

“Trixie,” she replies as she shakes her hand, small and pointy. “And you’re welcome.”

They cling their bottles together, cheers, they say, and take a sip together, eyes interlocked.

Maybe she’d been right in going out tonight.

*

There’s a table in the corner where a couple seemed intent on doing as much as they could without having to remove their clothes and Katya convinced Trixie to bet on when they’d leave and how far they’d go before doing so.Trixie is looking at them very attentively - probably creepy - waiting for her phone to beep indicating Katya’s time is up and she’s won. She has five minutes left and then she wins. They haven’t agreed on what the winner gets yet, but she just doesn’t like losing.

“One of them is gonna end up finishing right there in the next two minutes and then they’ll leave,” Katya says over her shoulder, pulling her attention back. Her tooth is still not clean and Trixie kind of doesn’t want to tell her at all. It’s nice to see a flaw in her, honestly.

“First of all, ew! We want that table so I truly hope they don’t.”

“When will you ever have the chance again to say that you’ve lived through an experience like this? Live life, Trixie!”

Trixie snorts, looks back at the couple and her timer - she’s two minutes away from winning.

“I am living life to the fullest, thank you very much.”

Katya’s eyes sparkle a bit. She seems interested in Trixie, in what she has to say and even what she doesn’t have to say. It’s odd to receive all that attention, but it’s thrilling too.

“Tell me about it. What are you living like?”

“I’m a singer. I mean, a backup singer at the moment. But I do sing and play guitar sometimes, on bars and stuff. Or I used to, before touring.”

Katya nods, her eyes wide as she gives Trixie her undivided attention. “That sounds fascinat- I won!”

She exclaims as she points to the couple getting up and sure enough Trixie’s timer is thirty fucking seconds away from beeping.

“Fuck me,” she whispers in frustration and Katya doesn’t miss a beat.

“Actually I get to choose what you have to do since I won the bet but I’m okay with that.”

Trixie laughs loudly, Katya’s smile is shiny and the little mark still there.

“Maybe if you learn to clean your teeth after you apply lipstick.”

Katya’s hand move to her mouth to brush against it. “Shit.”

*

She’s not sure how they ended up in a park at 2AM, both of them having had one too many bottles of beer before leaving the bar, but here they are. Trixie’s at the talkative phase of her drunkenness and she’s sure she’s shared way more than she should with a complete stranger, but this is something tomorrow her will worry about. Today her is blissfully out of her mind, giggly and in good company.

“Ok so how does one reach the ripe age of twenty-seven speaking five languages?” Trixie asks as they stumble through the empty and quiet park, their healed steps and loud voices echoing through the trees.

“I don’t speak five languages, spanish and italian are like child level knowledge at most,” Katya replies with raised eyebrows, as if that makes any difference, as if Trixie isn’t immensely impressed by that anyway.

“I get that, my english is at a child’s level as well,” Trixie retorts, thinks she’s being funny but honestly she’s far too drunk to be sure.

Katya laughs though, loud and clear in the night sky, enough to send the birds flying from the tree tops near them.

“Hey, it’s not your fault you’re from Wisconsin!” she finally says, and now Trixie’s the one screaming, her hand hitting Katya’s arm playfully.

“You bitch,” she says jokingly, and Katya gets it because her eyes are sparkling and they stumble closer to each other, one practically leaning on the other as their breaths mingle.

There’s a beat of silence in which Katya licks her lips, and then she murmurs, “By the way, I’m like, really really gay.”

Somewhere in the back of Trixie’s mind she knows the setting is intimate - they’re practically embracing, faces close, eyes interlocked - but the way Katya says it just makes a loud bubbly laughter leave her lips as she takes one step back to ground herself.

“Girl, me too!”

*

It’s 4AM and they’re at a 24 hour diner, most of the alcohol evaporated from their system although Trixie’s skin is still buzzing. They’re seated facing each other in a corner booth, there are quite a number of customers for the time, but everyone is talking quietly and it’s really peaceful. They each have a mug of steaming coffee in their hands and even though they’d looked at each other’s eyes all night, Trixie’s just now realizing Katya’s eyes are green.

“Your eyes are really pretty,” she says then, doesn’t really realize she’s doing so. She’s forgotten bits and pieces of everything she’s told Katya all night, but that’s more related to how dumb some of these things were and how many than to them being drunk. She likes it though, feels comfortable with her. With the pretty, beautiful lesbian with whom she spent the entire night and has yet to kiss.

Katya smiles at the compliment, and Trixie realizes she hasn’t complimented her smile all night. It’s really pretty. She’s really pretty. Trixie is still amazed that they’re hanging out.

“Thank you. All of you is really pretty,” she says back, and Trixie bites down on her lower lip. She’s not one for one night stands usually, but she is on a long tour where there aren’t really any other options and is it even a regular one night stand after they’ve spent the whole night together? Technically yes, she knows, and technically she’s not even certain Katya wants to sleep with her, but at the end of the day she knows that all she wants is to finish this day in a bed with Katya. It can be her hotel room, it can be Katya’s hotel room - she’s travelling too, she learned, she’s a photographer following some models for a project, and what astounds Trixie the most is that she’s not one of the models herself - it can be anywhere really. She’s really drawn to Katya, more so than she usually is to any strangers - are they still strangers by now? - and she knows she deserves it.

She squirms in her seat, thinks of the proper way to put this question out there, but then Katya cuts her off with a question in a completely different direction.

“So, where you heading next?”

“Somewhere close, I think. I never remember the schedule.”

Katya raises her eyebrows. “Really? And how does that work?”

Trixie shrugs. “I just get there and go to the stage and sing I guess? I recognize several of the cities and sometimes I’ll explore for a couple of hours if we can but mostly I just sleep, it’s a really tiring routine.”

Katya seems baffled and Trixie feels like she’s done something wrong for some reason.

“Seeing new places is my favorite part of touring. I’ll gladly give up sleep if I can see something I’ve never seen before.”

“I mean, after the fourth town with the same hay stacks and trees it gets old, you know,” Trixie jokes into her cup of coffee, trying to find her ground again. She’d been so comfortable seconds ago.

Katya laughs, but her heart isn’t fully in it. God, had Trixie somehow ruined this? She’s not even sure how.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m a photographer. I usually find beauty everywhere I go.”

“Oh,” Trixie says, doesn’t know what else she could say.

“Sorry, it wasn’t meant to sound pretentious like that. And I’m not judging you or anything. I’m just… I don’t know, it’s nice finding these little differences, isn’t it? We’ve been so similar all night.”

They have. Their similar sense of humor is something that made them hit it off instantly. But also realizing that they travel so much, live the same home is nowhere lifestyle had been a major point. It never occured to Trixie they might perceive it so differently.

“Yeah, of course,” she responds, although she isn’t sure it is. Meeting Katya had felt like fate, but now she isn’t so sure.

But then Katya’s hand slide across the table and holds tightly onto hers.

“My hotel is really close. Do you want to crash with me?”

Trixie knows what she means, and most of her worries disappear as she looks into her eyes. She nods and they get up together, Katya’s hand clasps onto hers and the only time she lets go is when they’re inside the room and she needs it to unzip Trixie’s dress.

*

Trixie goes back to her hotel room late in the afternoon with Katya’s number in her phone, a bite mark on her left hip, and the song I Put A Spell On You by Annie Lennox from Katya’s alarm stuck in her head.

[forestwater87]

Do you happen to have any headcannons for Edward Pikeman/ the woodscouts? Any for the flower scouts? (And I understand if you wanna take time to answer or do separate posts; if you wanna answer it at all).

I haven’t really thought about it, but since Petrol is one of my new Favorite People, I think it’d be fun to sit down and do these guys! Llllet’s go!

1: sexuality headcanon:

Straight. Slimy, sleazy straight boy.

2: otp:

No one. He … needs to learn how to not be quite so creepy first.

3: brotp:

Him and the Woodscouts, definitely. He’s the only one who calls Billy “Snake,” and Petrol is apparently willing to fall in acid for him. They’re the only 3 people in a dying camp, but they seem to be really close-knit and it’s actually hella cute.

4: notp:

Him and Gwen. For one thing, I don’t think he’s a counselor, so there’s no way he’s older than, like, 20 on the very outside. So ew. But also I’ll hear the way he said “Mmmmhmmm” in my nightmares. No, no, Gwen deserves better.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

I think he was the youngest in his family, and that his siblings are all super popular and successful. It makes him throw himself into the Woodscouts, because that’s something he’s fairly good at, and that’s why he’s so eager to win Camp Campbell and improve the quality and numbers of the Woodscouts: to prove to himself that he’s a winner. He’s also ridiculously competitive in general, and a little like a Chihuahua — small, not very threatening, mostly just annoying, but highly confrontational and super delusional about his own abilities.

6: favorite line from this character:

“That’d be immoral.” I love the way you can practically see the italics as he speaks.

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Uh … I also don’t have great skin?

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Everything. All of his everything.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Problematic, absolutely.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Demihet, biromantic. No idea where this headcanon came from, but I’m going to cling to it like it makes sense.

2: otp:

He looks like he’d be good with someone like Ered. They could do badass things together and look awesome.

3: brotp:

All the other Woodscouts, again. No idea what he sees in Pikeman, but apparently it’s enough to keep him sticking around.

4: notp:

I see the Woodscouts so much like a family that the idea of any of them together feels vaguely incestuous. No clue why, but it squicks me out in a big way.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

He’s actually relatively popular in school and stuff, but for some reason he tends to gravitate not toward the cool kids, but toward the losers like Pikeman and the Woodscouts in general. It’s not an intentional thing, his affinity for lost causes, but he’s the jock who’ll kick your ass if you’re bullying someone he’s fond of.

I also think he’d tend to be friends with really talkative, outgoing people, because he’s very much the “strong and silent” type. It’s a big part of why people think he’s cool, but really he’s just kinda shy.

6: favorite line from this character:

He … doesn’t have lines.

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Pretty sure my legs are literally that skinny.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Never! He’s too awesome!

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

CINNAMON. ROLL.

1: sexuality headcanon:

No sex. Just honor. (And Scouting.) Maybe he’ll grow into a sexuality, but he strikes me as either ace, or just too dedicated to The Cause to be actually interested in romantic or sexual anything.

2: otp:

None.

3: brotp:

WOODSCOUTS!

4: notp:

Any adults.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

He doesn’t need the eyepatch. He just thinks it makes him look cool. Sometimes he’ll switch eyes if one of them gets tired.

6: favorite line from this character:

“I made a vow.” He couldn’t be more Zuko if he tried, Jesus. Dante sure has a Type, doesn’t he?

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Candy canes are a year-round snack.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

He wants to be cool so badly. The insistence on being called “Snake” (and no one doing it) is really sad.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Neither, really. I don’t have strong feelings in either direction about this kid.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Girls. Not necessarily exclusively, but certainly a preference. She loves girly, feminine things so much and it extends to women; she’s convinced forever when the right (tough, rugged) guy comes along she’ll fall for him and they’ll have a perfect fairytale romance. Eventually … she’ll realize that she likes girliness so much in part because she just likes girls, and she likes being around them.

2: otp:

Nikki and Sasha is the ship I wish I didn’t love. I do not believe that all antagonistic ships are automatically True Love, but how cute would it be if years later they ran into each other, and Sasha had grown up to be less of a shallow person, and she realizes “oh shit Nikki’s hot” and they become the most badass power couple ever?

3: brotp:

Her friendship with Tabii. She’s so good and supportive even though her friend is legitimately troubled, and her willingness to get dragged along into these crazy schemes is heartwarming, in a weird way.

4: notp:

Don’t have one, adults aside.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

She has OCD, or a similar anxiety-related disorder. She excels so much in the Flower Scouts because everything is based on cleanliness and routine, and being able to meticulously organize everything in her entire life so that it’s aesthetically pleasing and perfect to the last detail is extremely comforting and relaxing to her. This is part of why Nikki upset her so much (and she was the driving force behind getting her out of the Scouts); it went beyond simply “ew, boy things!” and became a genuine source of stress, having her carefully-organized life upturned by this filthy child.

6: favorite line from this character:

“Seriously Tabii, what the fuck?!”

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

I love pink!

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

She’s a bitch. Not sure that’s embarrassment or irritation, but it’s hard to watch sometimes.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Definitely problematic, definitely a fave.

1: sexuality headcanon:

More or less straight; has a huge thing for David. (Yes, I literally ripped this from my fanfic. I don’t even feel bad.) I like the idea that she’s secretly drawn to dorks — not to the extent that Tabii is, but that she’s not as big a fan as the tough and stoic types as the sweet, puppy sunshine boys.

2: otp:

I … don’t have one. But now that I think about it, she and Tabii would be adorable, wouldn’t they? Or wait, what about Neil? That’d be kinda cruel to poor Tabs, but she finds his nerdiness appealing.

3: brotp:

Her and Sasha. They clearly recognize each other as the sane ones in their troop, and bond over a mutual love of pumpkin spice lattes.

4: notp:

Adults. Again. I’m a boring broken record in this regard.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

The hair isn’t natural. Sasha helped her dye it because she was jealous of her “cool” hair color, and Erin’s mom is gonna be pissed when she comes home with bright blue hair.

6: favorite line from this character:

“She’s the dumb one.”

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

I love Fraaaaance.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Nothing, really. The Valley Girl shtick is a little obnoxious, but honestly these girls are just too much fun to really be bothered by.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Neither? Both? Not sure.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Straight as an arrow with a thing for assholes.

2: otp:

I … wish I didn’t like her and Neil as much as I do. But it’s kinda cute. Not exactly an OTP, but I’m enjoying seeing where it goes, and as someone who’s had obsessive hopeless crushes like that, I think it’s extremely endearing.

3: brotp:

Her sister scouts love and support her so much! Also her sister is apparently the greatest, despite feeding her very bad information.

4: notp:

Adults. And … well, she’d probably be awful with Neil. Can it be my OTP and nOTP?

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

Tabii is actually surprisingly good at school, despite not being very smart. She’s excellent at eyeing something and knowing exactly what someone wants her to do, so even if she doesn’t know the information she’s an incredible test-taker.

And she loves English class, and to write poetry in particular. It’s pretty bad poetry at the moment, but by the time she’s in college it’ll be surprisingly good.

6: favorite line from this character:

“He can pee in me anytime …” Or “he’s so hawt!” (I actually use that second one all the time.)

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Me in 6th grade? I was Tabii. Girls get crushes so much earlier than boys, to speak in generalities. It’s so hard being in the “I wanna kiss your face” stage when they’re still in the “girls are icky” stage.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

She’s just so bad at everything. (Also the way she talked to Bonquisha was a little … uncomfortable. Had a little “privileged white girl” feel to it that made me twitch.)

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Look at this cutie and tell me she’s problematic. Just fucking try it.

[markleetrashh]

Nct as Vampires

Request: Hi! Could you do an NCT Vampire au? Like how each of the members would be as a vampire? Thank you! :) I hope I requested correctly

A/N: i was actually thinking of writing a single post for each member but it’d be too many so here’s only a brief summary !! if you want me to emphasise on a specific member please do request again !

Assume that only you know about their identity and they promised not to hurt you as long as you don’t tell anyone else ,, and also you live together with them

–

Taeil:

really chill about his identity

like when you first told him you knew , all he did was get shocked and asked how you knew , then went back to being normal

acts more like a human than a vampire tbh

you don’t even know how he survives because you never actually saw him eat/suck ( is this even right it sounds wrong omg ) any other living things before for their blood

and when you ask him ,

he simply replies with a “ secrets ”

turns out he’s been drinking blood he stole from clueless vampire WinWin’s bottle/jar since they stay in the same room

Hansol:

he’s so quiet and mysterious it’s creepy

like you don’t know when he’d do something dangerous and sudden

so you lowkey stayed away from him even after he promised not to hurt you

but then you realised he’s an actual softie

because you saw him crying over an anime once

yes vampires need entertainment too

so you start opening up to him

and he shares with you about his family and ancestors

like how great of vampires they were

when he goes out to hunt at night though ,

he becomes really serious and you lowkey got scared once because he came back home with blood all around his mouth

then he smiles at you innocently and blankly

and you can’t help but return a fake smile like hansol you’re scaring me get away and wash up first

Johnny:

okay he likes teasing you A LOT

okay maybe more of threatening , not teasing

like one time you were too lazy to cook lunch for him ,

he got super close to you and whispered sarcastically like “ i can’t guarantee you’d still be able to stay up till dinner tonight though ”

and he shows his fangs too like stop johnny what are you doing

so you were left with no choice but to cook for him

he’s such a flirty vampire i cant even

like he got you a black dress and cap one day

and when you asked him why ,

he was like “ you should know we vampires can’t be exposed to sunlight ,, but your beauty and smile’s shining brighter than it so i gotta cover you up ”

go away johnny ew

kidding he’s so hot tbh

Taeyong:

really particular about how he looks and acts

like he’s really ‘elegant’ as a vampire (?) ( does this even make sense omg )

like his cape must be washed and ironed out properly every day before night falls

and he HAS to do it himself

one time you helped him wash and clean it ,

he got so pissed he didn’t come back for two nights

turns out he was living in some kind of abandoned house as a bat

and he couldn’t stand the dust so he had no choice but to come back

he sometimes forgets that you’re human so he shares with you on stories of all the people he’s eaten

and when you’re like “ taeyong that’s too much detail … ”

he gets all jumpy like , “ oh shit i forgot , i’m sorry ”

“ i forgot i got too caught up ”

but he doesn’t really seem different from a human being so you’re not that much bothered by him

Yuta:

okay here we have another flirty vampire

like really really flirty

like one moment you’d just be there watching television ,

then a pair of hands wraps tightly around your hips

“ want me to turn you into one too ? ”

“ no wth yuta what are you doing ”

“ couldn’t resist you ”

“ stop yuta , hands off ”

“ who are you to tell me what to do , i have the powers here ”

“ yeah sure if you don’t let go i’ll move out rn ”

then he lets go right away and pouts like a small kid

he’s really lazy and afraid to go out under the sun so he stays at home like 24/7

and he clings onto you like a leech

disturbing and annoying you as a form of entertainment

Kun:

he’s such an angel though

but you didn’t knew he was a vampire until like 1 month of staying together

because you always wondered why he went out and came home so late in the night

until you saw him drinking some red & thick liquid one day in his cape

you almost screamed and fainted

but kun was nice enough to help you out , and confessed about his identity after

and was like “ don’t worry , i won’t hurt you , you’re too beautiful ”

he didn’t even tell you not to spread it , as he trusts that you will keep it a secret

so sweet tbh

smh why were you born as a vampire not an angel kun

Doyoung:

always shookt and worried that his identity might get revealed

so everytime you come home , the first thing he asks you is

“ did you tell anyone ? ”

“ doyoung of course not they’d think im crazy ”

“ are you sure ? ”

“ yes , i promise ”

then he goes back to acting all confident and laidback like

“ haha what’s there to be afraid of ”

then he turns into a bat and follows you around the next day to spy on you

and he thought you wouldn’t notice but in fact he’s so obvious so you just let him be

Ten:

always curious about the ‘humans’ like ,

“ wow Y/N how does it feel to die ? ”

“ do i look like i’ve died before , ten ? ”

“ hehe idk , im just curious , i’ve been living for like 127 this is not intentional years now ”

“ you’re so old ”

“ but i’m still cute right ?? ”

and he gives you a cute and innocent smile

you wonder if he’s even a vampire

but when he gets ready to go out at night he always has this smirk on his face

and he’d have eye contact with you before he flies off

so rude but you gotta admit he looks good

Jaehyun:

like taeil he’s pretty chill about his identity

his naturally white and fair skin caught your attention first

then he was always hiding in the room first thing in the morning , saying that he had to take his ’ daily medicine ’

turns out it was small cups of blood when you went to check

so when you first asked him he was just like

“ since i trust you , yeah i’m one ”

then he flashed his sharp fangs infront of you

and when he saw your shocked expression he’d laugh to himself , his cute and smol dimples coming back

he actually takes care of you instead , and protects you from other vampires/creatures from attacking

WinWin:

he’s such a soft person you couldn’t believe it when he told you he was a vampire

and he casually mentioned it to you during a conversation

you were shookt for days

“ why are you always so tired in the day ”

“ i don’t sleep at night ”

“ why ? ”

“ we are more active in the dark ”

“ ‘we’ ? ”

“ vampires .. ”

he’s cute and innocent most of the time

but when night time falls he gets really serious and doesn’t come back quickly ,

because he has to find the perfect type and taste of blood which suits him

The minors are all half-vampires instead of 'full’ ones

Mark:

he’s so clueless and adorable he often asks you vampire related questions that you cant even answer , like

“ why do we live forever ? will we never die ? wow that’s cool ”

“ mark i dont know .. ”

“ how am i supposed to take blood out of someone , won’t it hurt them ? ”

“ mark i’m not a vampire idk anything ”

“ oh … sorry ”

he’s so polite and nice he almost starved and fainted because he couldn’t bear to hurt anyone for blood

so you had no choice but to donate your own blood

which also refused to drink ,

but you forced it down his throat , so now active mark is back again

Renjun:

another literal angel why

he tries his best to sustain his hunger by only eating food

but part of him still feels drained because he’s half-vampire after all , he needs blood

so he tried drinking his own one ,

but it made him even sicker

so you had to ask for vampire taeyong’s help because he always had spare bottles of blood

just like that you lectured renjun on keeping his body healthy and fit

and he was like “ sure … but one person that i’d never ever eat is you , even if im dying ”

go reborn as an angel with kun please

Jeno:

he’s always smiling and cheerful , the thought of him being a vampire never once crossed your mind

but when he told you that he’s only half ,

you still got really shocked and speechless ,

and as soon as he noticed he promised not to hurt you

he likes showing you baby photos of himself , the growing process of his small fangs ,

and the way he’d always smile brightly

he likes going on walks with you but he always prepares a cap and a pair of jacket to cover himself , if he gets exposed to the sun too much

Haechan:

such a prankster i cant even

he’d offer to pour you a cup of water ,

then when he comes out with two cups filled with red liquid you’re like ,

“ this better not be blood haechan- ”

“ it is ”

“ what why ”

“ try it , it’s really good ”

“ no donghyuck i cant do this ”

“ shut up and drink it ”

and after a few minutes of arguing ,

“ it’s only some cranberry juice ”

and he also likes joking about turning you into a vampire too

and would use it as an advantage to call you to help him do things

“ help me wash my clothes … if not i might hurt you , idk ”

Jaemin:

a mixture of haechan + winwin

one moment he’d be all soft and positive ,

the other he’s scaring you with his fangs and blood

but he knows when to stop and not scare you too much

he’s also pretty flirty and smooth like

“ if you were a blood type you’d be my favourite ”

“ jaemin that’s not cool , stop ”

“ okay fine you’re my favourite human ”

Chenle:

he’s so happy and loud you didn’t think he was a vampire

and his looks did not help too , as he looked so cute and adorable to you

he slightly teases and joke with you

especially when he reminds you of the face you made when he first told you

your mouth and eyes were wide open and no words were said

he doesn’t really need that much blood so he acts just like a normal human being ,

only sometimes when you notice him getting a bit tired ,

you’d ask him to go eat/replenish on his blood intake and listens to you without fail

Jisung:

like chenle , this baby is still in the process of developing the vampire characteristics ,

so his fangs are still pretty short and he can perform perfectly well even without the intake of blood & under sunlight

so you had absolutely no idea he was one

until he accidentally told you while y'all were talking

and he got so flustered and worried after he realised his confession , he couldn’t sleep peacefully that night

but as soon as you told him you didn’t mind and would not spread it ,

he became to soften up and share more stories of his family to you

[silkyandsurveys]

August 12 2017

1: What color are your socks? I'm not wearing socks 2: Have you ever lied about your age? Why? Yes. When I was like almost a teenager I used to lie online about my age on fan accounts and stuff 3: What is something you regret in the past month? Letting little things get to me so much 4: Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight. But not love 5: When was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper? Oh my gosh it must've been like 5 years 6: How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? Who taught you? I first learned how to ride a bike when I was I think 6 and my dad taught me 7: Do you get along with your parents? Why or why not? Yes most of the time I do. 8: What’s your favorite season? Winter 9: Do you currently like someone? Um kind of. It's kind of a weird situation 10: Have you ever used an Ouija board? No 11: What’s the last song you sang? lol I was listening to tangled soundtrack and singing to myself on the snaochat camera and my mom walked in 12: What’s your favorite scent? I have to say fresh laundry 13: What’s your favorite urban legend? I don't really have one. I never was really into the stuff 14: What’s a bad habit that you have? Biting my nails ugh it's so annoying and bad 15: What’s a strange habit that you have? I pick at the skin on the side of my thumb 16: What’s the first instrument that you learned to play? Guitar 17: How would you describe your ‘type?’ Dark hair. Brown eyes. Tall. Hilariously funny. Good smile. Tan 18: Would you rather stay in or go out? Ummm depends on my mood 19: What was the last thing you said to your mom? Good night, love you. 20: Do you want to get married someday? Yes hopefully 21: Have you ever snuck out? No 22: Can you sing well? Not really 23: What’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week? My best friend posted a picture of my sleeping on her snaochat story which is ew 24: When was the last time you went sledding? Ooooo I think last year maybe 25: Have you ever/do you liked someone you know you can never be with? Um otherwise known as every single crush I have 26: Do people often mispronounce your name? No if anything they just call me Emily instead of emma by accident when they first get to know me. But it's understandable 27: Would you like to live in another country? Maybe for like a month but never long term 28: Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Ummm not really. Ghosts are interesting and all that but it's so creepy 29: Who was the last person you said you loved to? My mom 30: What’s something you’d like to be better at? Singing 31: Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yes many times 32: What was the last thing you cooked? Uh corn dogs hahaha 33: Do you think you would make a good parent? Yes I'd hope so 34: Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Yes more so falling asleep though 35: Where is your best friend right now? Home I'd assume 36: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Depends on 1.where I'm going and 2. How much time I have 37: How late do you usually stay up at night? Pretty late. 12amish is pretty typical for me 38: When was the last time you cried and why? Oh god I cry all the time but the last time I reeeeally cried was last weekend 39: Have you ever won a contest? Yes 40: Can you draw well? Oh my god no 41: Would you ever date someone you met on Tumblr/the internet? Um probably not 42: What was the last thing you ate? Oreos 43: Do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? I'd like to think yes 44: Have you ever had a near-death experience? Yes many times. I'm a clumsy and accident prone person 45: What do you think people think of you? Um I've been told by a lot of people that I'm pretty well liked. But I've also been told I was a bitch as well so 46: What is your middle name and do you like it? Grace. I think it'd fit me better if it was my first name but I like it 47: Are you close with either of your parents? Yes 48: Do you like yourself? It kinda depends on the day. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't

[youremyonlyhope]

Attack of the Clones

Ok first of all, why must the poster be so dramatic? It looks like a romance novel but then there’s an explosion under them. Ok I mean I guess that’s a good representation of the movie, but still.

Now, this was the first Star Wars movie I saw in theaters, if I’m remembering correctly. Or at least I think it was... I don’t remember seeing it in theatres but I’m pretty sure I did... I honestly have less memory of this movie than Phantom Menace. And, made clear from my last post, I really only remembered random bits and pieces of Phantom Menace. But my only memory of Attack of the Clones is watching it in my living room like... 13+ years ago and it was some scene where they had a fight in an arena of some sort. Padme was wearing white and had a gun. That’s the only thing I know I definitely remember from this movie.

So I’m almost basically going into this with completely fresh eyes.

Oh no, people want to leave the Republic? I don’t remember this. Also lol Count Dooku. My family has an inside joke about him, and I can’t take him seriously at all. Ok cool, the CGI has gotten better in the last 3 years. That chrome ship is gorgeous. Still hasn’t aged well though. “I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all” *EXPLOSION* OH MY GOD. NOT EXPECTING THAT. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS. See, I knew that that wasn’t Padme, but I didn’t realize she was supposed to be a Padme decoy (since she’s not an exact clone of Natalie the way Keira is). I just thought she was another high ranking Naboo person or something. So... I’m really glad we had the decoy... I mean... poor girl... but at least Padme’s safe... The Yoda CGI hasn’t aged as well as the ship’s CGI did. “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.” That sentence wasn’t... “Yoda” enough... word order wise I mean. We should all listen to Padme more often. Ok. Why is Padme’s wig kinky textured with tiny braids? Is this the one time I have to complain about Padme’s wardrobe? Why must the Twi’lek senator have a robe with a low neckline and a cutout on her stomach? Obi-Wan has new hair. Well... anything’s better than the ponytail and the rattail. On that note: now Ani has the ponytail and the rattail. Why? Seriously costume designer: WHY!? Why did you do that to them? On THAT note: flustered nervous Ani is adorable. How did he go so wrong? Oh but Padme’s dress is so beautiful now that we get longer full body shots of her. “So have you. Grown more beautiful I mean.” Awww. Sweet kid. “She barely even recognized me, Jar Jar.” Dude, it’s been 10 years, and you hit puberty. She’s not supposed to recognize you right away. And she recognized you pretty quickly. And you really thought of her every day? That’s creepy. Was that Boba Fett? Also I remember the veil attached to the helmet vividly for some reason... why? I like that Ani’s already dressed in darker colors just because he’s dramatic. “I don’t think she liked me watching her.” Hey. Ani. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want the guy who’s been thinking about her everyday for 10 years to be watching her all the time on a camera when she can’t see him too. Maybe it’s because you’re a little creepy. Just maybe. ...I think I might remember these worm things... but also I might not... I feel scared so I guess that’s some feelings leftover from 6-year-old-me. You had one job, R2-D2. One job! “The Chancellor doesn’t appear to be corrupt.” Wow, you could not be more wrong with that statement. BOY. YOU JUST SWIPED YOUR LIGHTSABER AT THE WORMS ON PADME. IF SHE HAD WOKEN UP A HALF SECOND EARLIER WHEN YOU LANDED ON THE BED SHE MIGHT HAVE FLINCHED AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEHEADED HER. COME ON. This boy has a death wish diving down in the speeder like that. OH SO THIS IS THE SCENE WHERE HE JUST RANDOMLY JUMPS OUT OF THE SPEEDER. “If you’ll excuse me” THIS BOY LITERALLY WANTS TO DIE. Did... did her face just change to like... green-ish...? I rewinded and yeah her lips turned dark blue and her skin was green with... scales? Or was it just the lighting? Because... that was kind of terrifying... So she’s wearing a veil AND can change her face? That’s fun. “Use the force, think.” Ok, Ani can only do one of those things.  “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA. *Sobs* Changeling? Cool. So I’m not going crazy, her face did change.

Dealer: You want to buy any death sticks? Obi-Wan: You don’t want to sell me any death sticks. Dealer: I don’t want to sell you any death sticks. Obi-Wan: You want to go home and rethink your life. Dealer: I want to go home and rethink my life.

That’s hilarious. I was just thinking “Does anyone lose any arms in this one? Someone has to eventually.” And sure enough, there goes her arm. Arm #7 I like that Yoda just floats in a chair next to them as they walk. I actually like that Jar Jar gets to be Naboo’s representative in the Senate though. Having a Gungar senator of Naboo just seems right if they live there too. AWWWWW. She has Leia-esque buns. “I’m ready for the trials, but he feels that I’m too unpredictable.” Gee. I wonder why he would think that Anakin “If-You’ll-Excuse-Me-While-I-Jump-Out-of-a-Speeder” Skywalker is unpredictable? Ok, the music that is playing. I gotta figure out which song it is later because this music is like... definitive Star Wars music for me. “Sorry m’lady.” OH GOD EW ANI I JUST CRINGED.

Padme: *Needs to travel with refugees and blend in* Padme: *Wears an intricate cloak and a giant headdress*

Perfect logic. Droid with a stereotypical waitress accent. I kinda love it. Ok seriously, the alien CGI has not aged well. The alien chef guy (Dex?) has a mustache. That is too much. “If an object does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” Ok. So does it actually not exist, or does it not exist in the records (but does in real life), or do you guys just deny its existence in general just because? Awwww... so you’re telling me that Obi-Wan kept one of those orbs all those years and trained Luke with one? And it’s just like how they used to train the children? Why do I have feels over this? “Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” I LOVE YODA. Only a Jedi can erase files? Really? OK. OK WHO PLAYS THE NEW QUEEN. BRB GONNA GO CHECK. She was in one episode of Doctor Who, Planet of the Ood. Ok cool. Anakin. Don’t interrupt Senator Amidala. Listen to her. Come on. What happened to the sweet boy from 10 years ago? THE SUPER TALL WHITE ALIEN WITH THE LONG NECK AND BIG EYES. I REMEMBER YOU. I REMEMBER YOU SO VIVIDLY. I JUST GASPED. “After all these years we were beginning to think you weren’t coming.” That’s not suspicious at all. Well. At least they’re not evil. They’re just taking orders from a mysterious evil dead Jedi. AHHHH ONE OF MY FAVE PADME OUTFITS!  Ok the sand line isn’t as stupid out of context, I’ll give them that. Still gonna make fun of it though. Creepily touching her back. The dress may expose her back skin, but that’s not an invitation to touch it, Ani. So many clone babies. I think I remember this. “Oh... we... keep him here.” YEAH. TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. Clone trooper reveal! This is a not a drill people! We just saw the clones in clone trooper armor! Oh, how I wish I could go back and be able to witness audience reactions to that shot. Ok. Ok. Yeah. That shot of all of them. In lines. In formation. I whispered “Oh my god” and covered my mouth just then. So did he want a clone of himself so he could be a father? Or was there some other reason... Another one of my fave Padme outfits! With Leia buns! “I like 2 or 3.” So, just Padme and Palpatine you mean.  “Sounds to me like a dictatorship.” “Well... if it works.” And here’s where Padme should have just run away screaming and never looked back. I thought those aliens were boulders until Ani rode one. Ok, it was so he could be a father to the clone. Cool. Kinda cute. Hmm... suspicious. I kinda hate that you can see the pear is clearly CGI for this entire scene. “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me.” Ok. That’s a name of a song in Ani: the Musical isn’t it? I need to rewatch Ani: the Musical once I finish rewatching all the Star Wars movies. Because even though I understood Ani: the Musical enough to find it hilarious and genius, apparently it was even more genius than I thought and a lot of stuff went over my head. But of course, it’s StarKid, they’re always geniuses, so I shouldn’t be surprised. “You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do” Yeah. That’s for sure, Mr. Jump-Out-of-A-Moving-Speeder. BINARY SUNSET IS PLAYING AGAIN. GOD WHY DOES THAT SONG GIVE ME ALL THE FEELS. Also I took a moment to listen to Leia’s theme on YouTube, just to refresh my memory to keep an eye out for it, and through suggested videos I figured out that the music I keep hearing and saying defines Star Wars for me is Anakin and Padme’s Theme/Across the Stars. Obvious name. I should have guessed it. Anyway, yeah, that music is Star Wars to me. So even though I remember very little of this movie, this music definitely made an impact. DID... DID... HE JUST SAY “BOBA GET ON BOARD”???????? DID THEY SAY THE KID’S NAME WAS BOBA EARLIER? DID I MISS THAT? IT TOOK A SECOND IT WAS LIKE JANGO: “BOBA GET ON BOARD” ME: *3...2...1...* *GASP!!!!!* OH MY GOD. I REMEMBER LITERALLY NONE OF THIS. See, I had wondered about the Fett last name when it was mentioned earlier, but I literally was like “Jango Fett? Huh, I guess all bounty hunters just choose Fett as their last name lol what a funny coincidence” BUT NO. IT’S A FAMILY NAME. WOW. I AM STUPID. “Oh, not good.” There always needs to be an understatement of the movie. Last time it was Ani saying “This is tense!” and so far this time it’s this Obi-Wan line. I mean, yeah, it’s totally possible for Jango Fett to climb up a smooth curved metal surface with metal gloves in the rain. Totally possible. I mean yeah, a gold chariot while wearing a giant silver leopard (or snake?) print cloak isn’t gonna draw attention at all. FINALLY C-3PO. OWEN LARS. OWEN. AS IN UNCLE OWEN. FINALLY. You know, I always wondered just how Owen was Luke’s uncle if Ani didn’t have any siblings. But because it’d been so long since I saw this movie, I couldn’t remember. Ok but honestly, I should have realized we were gonna see Uncle Owen the moment what’s-his-face-Ani’s-old-owner (I refuse to learn his name) said “A moisture farmer”. Literally I thought to myself “Moisture farmer? Wow! That’s just like Luke’s uncle!” like wow I am slow today at catching on to this stuff. I might pause soon and go to bed since it’s almost 3am and obviously, my brain cannot function properly right now since usually I catch on to more of these little hints and stuff. On that note, the actor playing young Owen is kind of spot-on. “After I lost my leg” Have I been counting legs? Well, now I will. Leg #1. More Leia buns. More Binary Sunset! OK wait. If there are 2 suns, should they all have 2 shadows? I googled it, but it’s officially way too late at night for me to try to understand astronomy so I’ll try again in the morning to understand the explanations. Apparently the answer might be no. Oh fun, all the evil people coming together to build a huge army. Ok wait. Does Ani like... slaughter all the people who tortured his mom? Do I remember that correctly? Yeah that’s a yes. Beheading everyone. Great. I don’t blame him, but boy, this is how you end up succumbing to the dark side. A LITTLE HINT OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH. YES. BUT ALSO NO. “I told him to stay on Naboo” When has Ani ever listened to you though? Oh wow full on Imperial March now. Ok I’m gonna stop it here at the 1:28:10 mark for tonight because I’m sleepy. There’s a little under an hour left.

Annnnnnd it’s 11:00pm at night the next day, I gotta be up at 7:30, so this is a perfect time to finish the movie! Logic!

Ok but Padme’s in the white outfit that I know she’s wearing as she wields a gun and gets her shirt all ripped up so, obviously, Anakin’s not gonna keep them out of trouble for much longer. So... Obi-Wan is too far from the Jedi council to send the message... but Anakin is close enough.... but they’re less than a parsec away from each other. Either Lucas got lazy, or Obi-Wan was literally just barely out of range. Oh wow, Padme being reckless and unpredictable for once? And here I was thinking it was going to be Anakin’s idea to go to Obi-Wan. No wonder he loves her. And I love her loopy bun. Oh wait, so Dooku isn’t bad? I was remembering him as bad, but he’s warning Obi-Wan about there being a Sith Lord leading the Republic. (Update: He’s bad, I’m stupid and too trusting and reverting back to being 6-years-old.) “Meesa suppose that the senate give powers to the supreme chancellor.” SITH LORD JAR JAR BINKS CONFIRMED. “I love democracy. I love the Republic.” Never heard anything less sincere in my life. That looked physically painful for him to say. God I love R2 and 3PO’s relationship. Even this early on. Ahhhhhhh Binary Sunset again. Can you tell it’s my favorite piece of Star Wars music? Seriously every time I hear it I squeal. Ok this whole sequence is so CGI happy. You didn’t need to use CGI for C-3PO, you didn’t need half of this to be CGI. Practical effects would have been better. But fine, the head switching thing was funny. HIS ARM IS ENCASED IN METAL. FORESHADOWING!!!!! Oh no, not his lightsaber. Now starts the only part of the movie I actually remember. And Obi-Wan’s just like “Of course.” as they are rolled by him. “Then we decided to come and rescue you.” “...Good job.” I ADORE OBI-WAN. All of these monsters are making me NOPE on so many levels, and I know most of that fear comes from 6-year-old-Hope.

Ani: What about Padme. Obi-Wan: She seems to be on top of things. Padme: *Freeing herself and climbing up a pole*

This is why Padme was my everything when I was little. Not gonna lie, up until this part I kinda forgot that they wanted Padme dead. I had a day long break from the movie, so give me a break. So yeah... Jango Fett has a flamethrower in his wrist? That’s not fair. Is this when we see Mace’s purple lightsaber for the first time? I don’t remember seeing it before this. But obviously, I have really bad memory so who knows. And Padme in that outfit shooting a gun is something I remember vividly from childhood. I JUST GASPED SO LOUDLY JUST NOW. MACE JUST STRAIGHT UP BEHEADED JANGO. OH MY GOD. AND LITTLE BOBA WATCHED. WELL. THAT’S HIS BACKSTORY EXPLAINED. OH MY GOD. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS AT ALL. MY JAW IS STILL DROPPED AS I TYPE THIS. *R2D2 just randomly rolls into the battle and straight to C-3PO* ok sure. *Yoda comes flying in with an army of Stormtroopers* YES. EPIC. AMAZING. I LOVE YODA SO MUCH. Um.... but you left R2D2 and C-3PO behind! THIS. KID. IS. HOLDING. HIS. DAD’S. SEVERED. HEAD. NO WONDER HE’S SO MESSED UP. Dooku’s master? I don’t remember him having a master. 6-year-old-Hope literally must not have paid attention to any scenes in this movie that didn’t involve Padme. “I will take the designs with me” *Puts up hologram of the Death Star* I love love love love LOVE all the reveals though. Like, say what you will about the prequels, but the reveals of and references to stuff the original trilogy are amazing. Main Star Wars theme coming in, I hear you. Ani, you gotta learn to control your emotions dude. “We’ll take him slowly. You take him from the left–” “NO I’M TAKING HIM NOW” “NO ANAKIN NO!” I mean, is there an exchange that describes Anakin better than that? How has Obi-Wan dealt with him for 10 years? And Count Dooku can lightningbend. I don’t remember this at all. Ok ok ok. Pausing for a second to see how old Christopher Lee was in this because I know he was like super old and yet here he is having a lightsaber duel. ...DUDE WAS 80 WHEN THE MOVIE CAME OUT. THIS. DUDE. WAS. 80. AND JUMPING AND DOING ALL THESE TRICKS AND STUFF. DUDE. DUDE. AMAZING. (If it was a stunt double I’m gonna feel real stupid) Aww for a second I thought he cut off Obi-Wan’s arm. I’m almost disappointed. I wanted to count another severed arm. Anakin’s weilding 2 lightsabers. I don’t remember this. But that is epic. NOW there goes another arm! Oh poor Ani. Arm #8. I’m gonna admit it. I’m not ashamed. Once I heard Yoda’s signature grumbling I gasped and went “Ah! Yoda!” out loud because I had completely forgotten about him dueling Count Dooku until just now. I DIDN’T KNOW YODA COULD LIGHTNINGBEND TOO! OR I GUESS IN THIS CASE REDIRECT LIGHTNING! YODA IS AMAZING. OH. HE JUST ABSORBED IT ALL. ZUKO COULDN’T DO THAT. WOW. PRINCE ZUKO, TAKE NOTES. I feel like the animator had the best day of his life animating Yoda in this duel since Yoda is being so extra. “Fought well, you have, my old padawan.” DOOKU WAS HIS PADAWAN? AND QUI-GON WAS DOOKU’S. AND OBI-WAN WAS QUI-GON’S. AND ANAKIN WAS OBI-WAN’S. SO ANAKIN IS YODA’S GREAT-GREAT-GRAND-PADAWAN. WOW. AND I GUESS LUKE IS ALSO? Dooku, that’s cheating. Ok what is this, some type of sail boat space ship? There’s no wind in space, what is the point of these molten metal sail things on Dooku’s ship then? Ooooh... first reveal that this Darth Sidious is the Emperor from the original series. And it kinda partially reveals that it’s Palpatine. And yeah up until this point I forgot that Dooku’s master was Sidious. Dooku telling Obi-Wan about Sidious really threw me off. Because as you can see earlier in the post, I was like “Ok but he’s telling them about the Sith Lord so is he really that bad?” and nope it was just reverse psychology or something and I really fell for it. The Imperial March playing as we see all the clones, I just went “ahhhhhhh” out loud, dropped my crocheting (because of course I’m crocheting while watching this, I’m always crocheting), and raised my arms up. Oh my god. And the music getting more intense as we look at Palpatine and the Senators! Yes! YES YES YES! Guys. I am not gonna lie. That whole sequence of “The Clone Wars have begun” and showing them with the Imperial March just made me get really really excited. Oh my god. Chills. I am jumping in my seat. I am flailing my arms. Oh my god. Aaaaaand Anakin and Padme are getting married. I literally just said “Uh oh” out loud. Ok also, how did R2D2 and C3PO get back? OK but her wedding dress is gorgeous. I just went “Ahhh” and cringed at Anakin’s metal hand. It’s so creepy. I do love Anakin and Padme’s Theme so much though.

Well. I enjoyed that. Yeah, I got sleepy about an hour and a half in, but it was 3am and I knew that since I tend to pause every 2 seconds to put something into this post, I wouldn’t finish the last hour of the movie until at least 5am (it’s 1am right now, I started watching the last hour at about 11pm, so yeah about 2 hours to watch the hour). So yeah. But I enjoyed it.

Why do people hate the prequels so much? Am I biased because they’re what I saw when I was little? Because obviously, I remembered NONE of this movie except for the big fight scene and Padme’s outfits. Literally nothing else. But I still enjoyed it. I wish the dialogue was better, if they could redo the prequels with better dialogue and better directing, they’d be amazing. But even with the bad dialogue and directing you still just feel happiness, like you’re at home, because this is still Star Wars. And you still love the universe and the story. So yeah. I liked it.