#then what’s the point of adding a label? if you can simply choose your pronouns?

[sweetest-honeybee]

Gender and pronouns are very different. Example I myself am identify as nonbinary and use he/they, I do not identify as a demi-boy personally. It varies person to person :)

Well I understand not necessarily identifying as something but what’s the difference between wanting to be referred to a certain set of pronouns and putting a label on those pronouns?

[werevulvi]

I am gender critical, detransitioning and I do have a bone to pick with the trans community, but I still can't entirely let go of... trans thinking. For lack of better wording. At this point I'm basically trying to hold two different perspectives at once, and they might seem paradoxal, but I don't think they necessarily have to be.

I call those two perspective "sex-based" and "gender-based" and it should be fairly clear what I mean by that, but just in case it isn't: Sex-based refers to categorising men and women and sexual orientations after biological sex, and gender-based refers to categorising men and women and their sexual orientations after each individual's own feelings of gender identity and sexual identity.

I'm gender critical in the sense that I think biology is what determines what we are and it's my understanding that sexual orientation is based on sex. I also think that laws should be based on sex and not gender. However, I do still think there is some sense in that people can still have subjective ideas of gender identity as any other human emotions, which makes me view gender identity as subjective reality. It is real within the minds of those who believe it. It is merely their own interpretations of themselves. Such a thing can never be wrong, in a sense. It can never be proved, but also never be disproved.

I think of gender like that. I believe trans people's genders are true for them, because that's just how they perceive themselves. But then how do I perceive myself?

I perceive myself in both ways. I see that my body is biologically female, and since I no longer have strong feelings of dysphoria about that, I can easily and proudly admit that my biology makes me a woman. As simple as that. But on the other hand, I do have a mind that resides in that female body, and that mind is clearly only half on the same page as my body's original intentions. There is more to me than my biology. The mind, the soul, the consciousness, whatever you wanna call it. That, appears to be what I could describe as androgynous. My androgyny is not just wearing suits and makeup, knitting and playing video games, or whatever arbitrary things we decided to call masculine or feminine... it goes much deeper than that, which should be plain for all to see. My androgyny gave me dysphoria, and is easied with transition.

My detransition is NOT me opting out of transitioning. It is not me saying transition as a whole was a mistake, because it wasn't. What I'm doing is only correcting the mistakes that I did make and then cherish the rest. It was me realising I'm not a man, nor will I ever be male. It is possible I may wanna go back on T one day, at least I'd consider going on a low dose if my hairs start to thin out, to prevent that outcome. I will get a breast reconstruction to "reverse" my top surgery as that was indeed a mistake, and I will get my legal gender marker changed back to female again because I am not male as it states on my ID card, and I don't want to hold onto that lie. You can call it a partial detransition if you will, because I'm still happily transitioned with testosterone and I refuse to "correct" myself after what type of body I'm supposed to have as a woman. Call me an incorrect female, if you will, as I am proudly hairy and deep-voiced.

I'm male-passing. Every day of my life. Because I refuse to "correct" myself and be a typical woman. That is a choice I made and will (most likely) continue to make. It's a difficult choice, but in a sense I also really like it. I like that it allows me to look gnc by adding femininity to my style, instead of masculinity. Because I feel a million times more liberated and expressive now when wearing makeup with my beard, than I ever did before wearing no makeup and growing no beard. I like that I look gnc male because of my femininity, when in fact I'm a gnc female because of my masculinity.

I feel like I need to embody aspects of both femaleness and maleness. My T-spiked femaleness. Facial hair, deep voice, vulva, breasts and hairy curves. Being like that gives me positive feelings. That I'm just right, perfect, beautiful, in harmony with myself. Feelings that I could call a gender, because that's how simple it is. THAT is what gender is. Gender... is whatever you want it to be. And I choose to make it something highly personal, something that is just mine but also not imposed onto anyone else. No specific pronouns or labels required, no special treatment... although more gender neutral bathrooms and locker rooms available would be nice, because I look like a circus.

And yes, I'm aware most people probably either don't feel that gender-feeling, or they just have a different interpretation of their such feelings, and they don't call it a gender. They're simply women because they are female, or men because they're male, or just going about their lives not over-thinking what they are. That is fine. It makes total sense and I don't ever want to infringe upon that. Gender can absolutely be harmful and I agree that society has taken it too far. Way, way too fucking far and we need to back the fuck up. Make gender-segregated spaces sex-segregated again. Make women's rights sex-based again. No males in women's spaces, no dehumanising of women because of their biology, no pretending we don't get socialised based on our sexes, no erasing of sex-based medical and political needs. I am still gender critical, but no, I do not denounce gender as a concept. I'm too much of a hobby philosopher to do anything such, because gender is a highly philosophical thing. I think there is some merit to gender as such, but there needs to be a limit in society. I believe there can be two different definitions of "woman" as long as we know which definition is to be applied to laws, rules and regulations.

And regardless of what I'd choose to call my gender, I'm still a lesbian. Because my homosexuality is based on that my sex is female and that I'm only attracted to other females. That cannot change, and I am proud to be a lesbian.

Thanks to radfem, to my past decade in the trans community, and to still keeping one foot in each camp, I can see it from both sides of the fence now. Because I hold both perspectives at once. And I think that is good, although I'm aware that both camps may hate me for that. Then camp me out, I don't care. I'm a free-thinker, I don't like hivemind thinking. I always need to maintain some kinda balance, even if it takes me long to find it.

It's been my thinking in these past couple of days, that perhaps what I need to do is to embrace both. To honour and embrace both my female sex and my androgynous mind. I am both a woman and I am nonbinary. I've been fighting for a year between those two labels, torn between my sex and my gender. I cannot keep doing that anymore. There is no reason that I should have to scrap one for the other, no matter how much gender critical people tell me I should scrap gender and the trans community tells me I should scrap my sex. No. I won't do either. So that's how I came up with the idea that maybe I wanna call myself a "nonbinary woman" as to label both my gender and my sex in the same breath. "Gender critical nonbinary woman" may seem like a paradox, or a joke, but I'm serious, and I mean it. I'm still considering it, but I needed to ventilate my thoughts on that a bit.

Also, if I again get some nasty message from someone about that I should stay out of the nonbinary tag... please calm down and tell the rest your over-sensitive community to do the same, because I'm one of you now, so it is my tag to use as well. Maybe I want for other nonbinary people to read this. Maybe I want for them too to know that not all nb people are the same fucking cringey monolith. I'm sick of your hivemind too. I'm both a "terf" and nb, so I will be in both communities, whether you like it or not. I believe I have made myself clear, but if there are any questions from either audience, I'll gladly answer them as best as I can.

If you've never heard of a gender critical nonbinary woman before... well, I might just be the first, or there might be others before me, but I hope one day I can light the way for more of us to follow. All I wish is to speak the truth, even if that truth is merely subjective.

[hxlding-on-blog]

i know i should probably go ask someone else for this advice but i want to write a trans character and im not trans so how do i do that? what are the dos and donts? i wanted to ask a trans person before going to anyone else and hope im not a bother!

Random Asks || ANONYMOUS

Well! Not to worry, dear anon! Your local baby trans brother is here to help as best as he can! Now, I want to begin with a …

[  s h o r t  d i s c l a i m e r ] : there is no single way to write a trans character. This is because, just like cis characters, they’re all different. There’s so many ways to tell any character’s story, trans or cis or whatever else. I am also not an expert. Even if I am trans, I’ve ( probably ) only lived this one life and path. Therefore, I can’t speak for many other trans experiences. Still! I can offer advice and subtle criticisms from my own viewpoint!

Without further ado, here’s my take on writing trans characters:

>Disclaimer, But Longer

This is not the world’s best guide! I am not the world’s most trans person ( and that doesn’t even exist ); I am simply one single trans boy speaking from the perspective of such. I have done as much research as I had done before pertaining to this subject, have interacted with other trans people with differing experiences, but can’t speak on their behalf. With that in mind, I am still a somewhat valid source for criticism. If you ask me for my opinion on trans-based writing, I will gladly offer it but do remember that I am still young! I’m a baby boy, what can I say? 

This guide also doesn’t include everything. There’s so much to say on being trans, in writing or in general, and writing the experience will always be a bit difficult if you haven’t lived it. Though, you should do research. Reading my guide will not be enough and I urge for you to reach out to other trans people; writers, or otherwise. Read other guides, do other research ( such as the effects of certain hormones ), and listen to criticism if you receive it. I highly suggest you ask a trans person if you’re unsure about something.

I am also a trans boy who’s very offset by the idea of generally being seen as female. My research on trans women is little / few and, though I’ve looked into it, my knowledge is not as extensive as my research on trans men! Please do your own looking up whenever you can; it’s important that you don’t only get your information from a fifteen year old trans boy about writing a thirty-something trans woman!!!

[ TL; DR, I should not be your only source and you should do your own research whilst listening to trans people if you get something wrong ]

>Common Terms

[ Deadname ] = A trans person’s unused given name. It’s called a dead name for a reason; they don’t use it. Some people have differing reactions to it- such as avoiding it, ignoring it, or responding to it on certain occasions- but is generally not used in many / most cases.

[ Transgender ] = An adjective used to describe someone who doesn’t align with their assigned gender. This includes nonbinary people. It can’t be used as a noun ( for example, ‘transgenders’ ) and is shortened to trans in most cases.

[ AGAB ] = Acronym for ‘Assigned Gender At Birth’ where Gender is replaced with Male or Female. For example, AFAB or AMAB.

[ Legal Name ] = The name that is on their legal documents. It may be their deadname, or it may be their current name; whichever one it is, it’s the one they’d have on certain documents ( school registrations, job applications, etc ) and can be changed. 

[ Testosterone ] = Hormones that will change a feminine body into something more masculine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. It can be administered through a syringe, a gel / patches, or pills. Often shorted to T and used in terms such as T shot.

[ Estrogen ] = Hormones that will change a masculine body into something more feminine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. Often shortened to E.

[ Hormone Blockers ] = A medication used to block / stop / pause the effects of hormones in the body. This is typically used amongst younger trans people that are too young to take T or E.

[ Pre-Op ] = Refers to people who plan on getting operations done to change their sex; if someone were to want top surgery but haven’t had it yet, they’d be considered pre-op. Some trans people aren’t pre-op if they’d decided they don’t want to undergo a surgery.

[ Post-Op ] = Refers to people who have had their operations done. For example, metoidioplasty. 

[ Gender Dysphoria ] = A term to describe general uncomfort in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent when it comes to hormones. 

[ Gender Euphoria ] = A term to describe general joy in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent in use of certain pronouns or names. 

[ HRT ] = Acronym for Hormone Reversal Treatment, which includes administering Testosterone or Estrogen into the body. 

>Figuring Out They’re Trans

Every trans person figures out they’re trans differently; how long it takes them, when they do, and how they do will always be different. For me, I figured it out in my teens after doing my own research on the things I felt- I went to Google ( Or, well, Bing since I was in China at the time ) and looked up why I felt the way I did in my own body, resonated with terms I found, and did a lot of self reflection- and coming to the conclusion that I was trans. At the time, I labelled myself as nonbinary; some binary trans people have done this but not every. I didn’t feel like I fully identified with that, and yet felt detachment from my womanhood, which later lead me to finding out I was a trans boy all along. It fit me. That’s my path but, for your muse, maybe they figured it out differently.

Maybe they felt out of place in their own body since they were young, or maybe they simply didn’t fit with their given gender at birth. Or they could’ve not known all the way into adulthood, clicking with a term when it passes them by. Not every trans experience is the same! Whilst writing trans characters knowing since they were born is valid, it’s also valid to write them knowing ages later. I put off identifying as a man before, only because I feared that my boyfriend wouldn’t love me anymore. And now? Now I’m glad I came out! Writing characters doing something similar wouldn’t be a stretch! 

How and when your character finds out will always be valid; they can find out while playing in a sandbox in their playground, or notice they didn’t feel attached to their gender assigned at birth. They can go to a therapist and be told their emotions lined up with being trans, or they could be reading a book and thinking I feel like that’s me to which they draw their conclusion. The possibilities are endless! I guarantee that there’s somebody out there that’s able to relate to it because there’s so many ways to figure it out; it can take a few minutes, or days, or weeks, or months, or years of thinking it over before IDing as trans- that’s the nature of it.

>The ‘First Steps’ In Transitioning and Coming Out

Some come out when they’re younger, some come out in their teens, some come out in adulthood, and some don’t come out at all. Coming out as trans is similar to coming out as gay, bi, etc. However, there’s the added thing with pronouns, names, and medical transitions ( if your character ever decides they want to ). It’s different in that sense, but not everything will be different. In most- if not all- cases, your character will have a pronoun change. They may go from he/him to they/them or be okay with he/him but prefer they/them without exclusion. Some may use multiple pronouns, or be exclusive to one set, or something of the sorts. 

When changing their name, some people may choose one similar to their given one, or make a new one entirely, or look through a baby name book. They may switch from one name to another, or have multiple, or decide not to change at all for a variety of reasons; their given name can stick to being their name if they want it to! For me, I’ve always loved the pronunciation of ‘Chris’ but never felt right with the spelling, to which I fixed by spelling it as ‘Kriss’ instead. My deadname holds a lot of emotional and frankly traumatic weight to it, so I feel very uncomfortable when people say it or I see it anywhere. My body physically cringes at it and it doesn’t help that there’s someone in my class who shares it, so I never respond to it in class unless I know for sure whoever is using my deadname has no prior knowledge about my current one.

Transitioning is a choice; some decide to make it, whilst others don’t. It doesn’t invalidate them at all and the journey should never be the only distinct aspect to a character’s story. Them transitioning can be a main plot point but should never be the only thing that makes this character’s whole, well, character! Outside of it, they are still a character after all. Some decide to socially transition ( change their name, their clothing style, the way they interact with people in comparison to how they were prior to coming out ) whilst others decide to medically transition ( get top surgery, go on hrt ). It will always be different for certain people. 

Reactions to coming out will vary, with differing factors of course; how did they come out, who to, when, etc. Some will react with open arms and others will outright abuse. It will be different from character to character, on the giving and receiving end, so think carefully about how to write this. I haven’t come out to my parents, given that they’re very transphobic and my entire country offers very hefty punishment for being LGBT+ in general. My classmates and friends? They know; I came out, in varying ways at varying times, and have received a plethora of reactions ranging from acceptance to denial.

>Medically Transitioning

Not all trans people decide to undergo medical transition, for many reasons. They may be ill and aren’t physically strong to take hormones or have surgery, maybe they have monetary issues, or they simply don’t want to. All of these reasons are valid and don’t make the trans person any less trans at all.

This typically includes surgery and hormones, though there’s so much to say on that. Whilst some would choose both, others may choose one over the other; the most common is taking hormones and also getting one surgery. An example is me; I want to take Testosterone in the future as well as both top and bottom surgery. I have decided on which kind I want and will discuss with my future doctor about this. Other people may choose not to have top surgery, or bottom, or even hormones. Whatever your character chooses, it will not be the forefront of their personality.

Hormones can take a while to kick into effect; do your research about it. Recovery from certain procedures vary and you should do your research. 

>Do’s And Don’ts

Make your trans character unique! Not everyone has the same lucky ‘I knew since birth, have been accepted everywhere, transitioned into something I wanted’ story, but not everyone has the same distraught ‘I knew ‘too late’, I’ve been bullied and disowned, and my transition failed / didn’t turn out the way I wanted’ ( and there’s no such thing as too late anyways ). Whilst they’re not impossible, they’re not the only paths; try a mix! Some people accept, some people don’t, and some people transition whilst others don’t; there’s never a straight and narrow path.

Do talk to other trans people about your character, and ask questions whenever you feel that you have a question. If the person is willing to answer, great! If not, be polite and go somewhere else for answers. Use multiple sources, do your research, and don’t ever assume. Do use your character’s name and refer to them using the pronouns they refer to themselves as; an exception is given when it comes to legal documents and transphobic characters speaking to them but you should never refer to a trans person who exclusively uses he/him with she/her. Don’t use their deadname when referring to them in their story, especially when you can use their actual name.

Never. EVER EVER EVER use their coming out as a ‘he was a she all along!’ trope. One of the worst things to do to a trans person is to misgender them; it’s disrespectful. Being called by their preferred name and pronouns is not a privilege and is a right; again, there’s an exception when certain characters are doing it, but the author shouldn’t use it as a chance to misgender their character. I won’t go into this much more because it’s hard for me to explain but, in general, a trans man is not the same as a cis woman and vice versa. 

AGAIN, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT THE BEST SOURCE! PLEASE GO AND DO OTHER RESEARCH ON TOP OF THIS!! Thanks for reading!!!!