#then they’ll take a big excess SHIT on your hand and fly off

[pekasairroc]

I'm sorry, I'm going to need you to elaborate on the Caterpillar Room? xD

Absolutely! So I do love getting to brag about my mom a bit since I think she’s very cool.

Since I was a toddler we would raise caterpillars from the backyard, specifically Eastern Black Swallowtail ones, finding the small caterpillars on dill (or the small perfectly spherical yellow eggs!) and then bringing them inside and feeding them and essentially protecting them from spiders and birds while they eat voraciously. Then we put them in a box with screens and they turn into chrysalises and when they’re butterflies we release them!

Eventually my mom switched to monarch butterflies since they’re endangered and planted a heckton of milkweed around the backyard. Her and her partner developed a whole system since they kept finding more and more eggs and caterpillars. They would snatch them right after the butterfly left after laying.

They would put them in Petri dishes and then in larger Tupperware and they had a TAGGING SYSTEM for all the stages like Egg Hatched, Skin Shed, and Chrysalis and numbered them.

Since they raised them for the environment, they wanted to make sure the genes were mixed so they shuffled where they picked up the eggs between several forest preserves and backyards and released them the same way.

They also made a certain bedroom in her house into The Caterpillar Room since it had light from two directions and no one in there so they could turn off the vents and keep the window open and lights off to make it as natural as possible in plastic tupperware. That was my old bedroom. They put wire racks and there were a lot of them. Far more than this picture. At one point they got overwhelmed and had to put a limit on how many eggs they brought inside.

Caterpillars have a buggy smell, btw, just in case you’ve never been around 50+ squiggly larva at a time that make audible crunching sounds as they eat and poop in cups in your childhood bedroom.

I told my mom that she filled her empty nest with caterpillars and she didn’t argue.

[makeste]

Are there any headcanons that you would like to share? About anything you want.

anon in the absence of specific guidelines I have managed to make this post pretty much entirely about Bakugou. I apologize if you really wanted to know all of my headcanons about Kouda or something lol. but all joking aside he really is the character I think about the most and so probably like 80% of my headcanons are about him, including close to 100% of the headcanons I actually have a solid enough grip on to put into words. anyway here goes.

he does not know how to tie a tie. he was a rowdy little free range knee-scraping grass-staining run-don’t-walk child whose parents only ever managed to wrestle him into formal attire a handful of times for special occasions when he was younger, and then he went to a middle school that used gakuran-style uniforms so he never learned then, either. his dad offered to teach him when U.A. rolled around, but he was all, “fuck off dad, I know how to tie a stupid tie,” because by that time he had grown into a cocky little brat confident in his own skill and naive as to the reality checks of the world, and he genuinely believed with the conviction that only a fifteen-year-old can muster that when the time came he would just magically know how to do it. on the first day of school he got as far as draping the loose tie over his neck and holding one end in each hand before staring at the mirror and abruptly realizing the hole he’d dug himself into. and so rather than admit defeat, he just straight up decided not to wear it. which became a permanent life choice once he got to school and saw how badly Deku’s tie was tied and realized there was no way he could ever risk that kind of humiliation.

in a similar vein, I know there’s a popular fanon that because of his parents’ influence Katsuki has a good sense of fashion, but my own personal headcanon is that this could not be further from the truth lol. it’s not that he has a terrible sense of style, mind you; it’s just that he doesn’t care about it at all. he’s a nerdy jock who spends all his free time studying and lifting weights. this kid literally only wears one color, and that color just so happens to be the easiest possible color to coordinate. he owns like three pairs of shoes max. he wears his pants three sizes up and they drag so much that the hems are all frayed from him constantly stepping on them (literally canon, and one of my favorite details from chapter 218). he just doesn’t give a fuck, so long as the clothes are comfortable and don’t look stupid. he has about a million things he’s more concerned about than what he or anyone else is wearing. in fact I’m 90% sure that his mom still buys most of his clothes, and about 70% convinced he does not even know what size he is.

he’s good at household chores (because he’s good at everything), but hates doing them. aside from cooking, which he enjoys, he will bitch and whine nonstop if forced to do tedious-yet-necessary things like washing dishes and folding laundry. that said, he is a perfectionist, and he also has a lot of experience because his mom made him do chores all the time during the seven trillion times he was grounded while growing up (that’s his estimate, btw, so it may be slightly exaggerated. he was not an easy kid to raise. when your kid’s fuse is about a millimeter long and he has a tendency to literally blow up whenever he throws a fit, you end up with a lot of objects in your house that have been replaced at some point), so if you do actually manage to get him to do the chore, rest assured that chore is getting fucking DONE.

when he was very little he watched an Avengers Endgame-style All Might film where a bunch of bad guys attacked earth and various assorted heroes tried and failed to stop them. then at the climax of the film, All Might showed up and said “I am here”, and everyone got super pumped up and excited because they knew the heroes were going to win with All Might on their side. this scene remains Katsuki’s favorite scene in anything. not the fight -- just the moment where All Might shows up and grins and the audience knows right there and then that he’s going to win. this is the feeling that inspired his dream. he wants to be the one who shows up and everyone is like, “we’re good now; Katsuki is here.”

when he was six or seven he got into a big fight with an older boy over that scene because he said it was fake and that there was no way All Might could have beaten those guys in real life. Katsuki insisted he definitely would have because All Might never loses. the other boy replied that everyone loses sometimes. Katsuki kicked his ass and got suspended for a week.

ten years later, Katsuki watched All Might battle All for One at Kamino and realized two things. one, that the other boy was right and that anyone can lose. and two, that he, the one who had so proudly defended All Might back then, was going to end up being the reason why he finally lost.

for a long time afterwards, he couldn’t bring himself to watch that movie again.

when he and Izuku were three years old their moms sent them out on a first errand (google Hajimete no Otsukai if you’re unfamiliar with this tradition, I promise you it is the cutest fucking thing you’ll ever see) to buy ingredients for katsudon. Izuku was full of bouncy childish enthusiasm and could rattle off the full shopping list of ingredients front to back, but when the moment finally came his confidence wilted as soon as their parents were out of sight. Katsuki also had a moment of panic when they first rounded the corner and he couldn’t see his house anymore, but rallied once Izuku burst into tears and he realized that he had to be the one to take charge. he proceeded to morph into an absurdly over-the-top caricature of his own mother for the duration of the errand, to the point where in addition to telling Izuku to stop crying he also ordered him to stand up straight and tuck in his shirt. the two of them went on to complete the errand flawlessly and their moms were PROUD AS FUCK and took a billion pictures. Izuku and Katsuki have only a few scattered memories of this milestone in the present day but it’s enough to send both of them absolutely reeling with embarrassment whenever they’re reminded of it.

he and his mom don’t often get along but sometimes they’ll bond over roasting a mutual target. they have watched many a trashy reality TV show together for this purpose. Masaru lives for these moments but never comments on them lest he spoil the rare moments of peace.

Katsuki is perfectly capable of using keigo (i.e. normal polite Japanese with no rude language/cursing), otherwise he would not be one of the top students in his ivy-league high school. code-switching is a thing guys! anyways his teachers are aware of this, because all of his essays and homework assignments are written normally. he merely chooses to go about his daily business acting like a wannabe yakuza stereotype because that’s just his personality, and he’s not about to start censoring himself and acting like some weird little goody two shoes robot person just to please people he mostly doesn’t give two shits about. but if you put a gun to his head and told him you’d pull the trigger if he said “fuck”, he would probably be all right; he’d just have to concentrate.

when he was little he went through a phase of collecting cicada shells and leaving them EVERYWHERE -- in the bathroom sink, on his mom’s pillow, you name it. Mitsuki often tells people this is when she started getting gray hairs. one time she opened a box of cereal and there was one in there and a little bit of her soul died that day.

he generally doesn’t care who calls him Kacchan. it doesn’t particularly bother him and it never occurred to him to pretend like it did just for appearance’s sake. also secretly for some reason the thought of Deku ever calling him anything else really bothers him. he’s not sure what it would mean if that ever happened, or what he would do.

all of his workouts are designed to strengthen his arms and back and shoulders because those are the parts of his body that take the most abuse from his quirk. other than that he avoids building up excess muscle anywhere else because the more weight he puts on the harder it is to fly around. for this reason he is never going to end up being a big bulky guy like All Might. one day Deku is going to surpass him in muscle, but he doesn’t care because he’ll still be a match for him in firepower and speed.

he’s one of those kids who will not so much as take a sip of alcohol until he’s twenty-five. partly because he’s experienced enough concussions that he doesn’t particularly want to give hangovers a try, and partly because he’s a control freak and honestly afraid of getting drunk and making an idiot of himself somehow. the rowdier members of class A try virtually every trick in their wheelhouse and then some to try and persuade him over the years, but not even the reverse psychology “aw, don’t worry, it’s okay if you’re... scared :)” thing works, because that’s only actually effective when he secretly wants to do the thing.

then one day he just wakes up and is all “you know what, I’m gonna try it”, and for the next few days his google history is basically just “how many drinks does it take to get drunk” and “how to avoid getting drunk” and “how to prevent hangovers.” somehow word gets out through the grapevine (he probably told Todoroki, who is the one person in class A you’d think wouldn’t be a big ol’ gossip but in fact IS) that Bakugou is finally going to get his drink on that weekend, and pretty much EVERYONE shows up at the izakaya that Friday night excited as FUCK.

Katsuki proceeds to drink a grand total of two beers over the span of several hours, and drinks like five glasses of water in between, and literally nothing happens to him at all except that Kaminari almost fights him out of frustration. the rest of class A never fully gets over their disappointment.

he actually knows like 90% of class 1-A’s names by this point. there are still a few people he doesn’t and will never know, though. twenty years from now Aoyama will still be “that weird fucking french kid” in his mind.

he had no idea who Eri was until the Christmas party. sometimes he’d hear the other kids talking about someone named Eri, and from context clues he somehow ended up thinking it was one of Aizawa’s cats. when Eri came to the party he had a brief moment of curiosity wondering if she was Sensei’s niece or something, and then he heard someone say her name and he was all “THAT’S ERI?!” and his entire worldview was briefly shaken up.

he pulled Kirishima aside to ask him and Kirishima basically gave him Eri’s whole entire life story which was way more than he actually wanted to know. he’s now kind of terrified of ever being in the same room as her for fear of having to interact with her because he’s pretty sure he’d do or say the wrong thing. most of the time being intimidating is something he strives for and puts a lot of effort into, including when he’s around kids (who are basically just smaller, sloppier adults in his mind), but he doesn’t want to be the guy who scared an abused kid, so he basically just hopes the others will have enough common sense not to ever go “oh hey you know who should totally interact with each other?? Eri and Bakugou!”

that being said, if circumstances ever arose which forced Katsuki to protect Eri, the two of them would totally bond and they would have a really sweet relationship in which Eri looked up to him just like she looks up to Deku and Mirio and the rest, and where Katsuki was constantly trying to be on his best behavior around her, like genuinely, sincerely trying, and kind of failing at it a lot but still being sweet in a gruff sort of restrained-disaster way.

...and after sitting there for a while trying to think of more I couldn’t come up with any so I guess that’s it! basically most of my headcanons are about how secretly boring Katsuki is. honestly if it weren’t for him having the vocabulary of a 52-year-old sailor whose foot was caught in a bear trap, he and Iida would probably be best friends.

[reversecreek]

struts onto the dash carrying this deliriously wriggling little elf in my arms like a swaddled bebe......... they’re genuinely my oldest muse of all time i think i created them when i was like. 13 possibly. n i haven’t written them in Years but. i’m literally so excited to jst vibrating w muse. smiles at u all demurely..... they have risen. u can find their pinterest here n their playlist here.

* alana champion, nonbinary + they/them | you know nyla palmer, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, eight months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 6669 (i don’t know if you know) by neon indian like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole a two headed doll of a prairie girl with stitched on rabbit ears and butterfly wings, befriending shadow puppets & finding god with your eyes open underwater in a public pool you broke into thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 2nd, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY:

was born in georgiaaaa georgiaaaa (phoebe bridgers voice holds my bang...) to a vry honest hard working man named george (omgggg he’s called GEORGE and he’s from GEORGIA? ahaaaaa fuckk ur jestinggg) nd a woman who did her best named pamela..... george worked on a construction site n pamela was a pharmacist..... their house was this small rickety white thing with a wrap around porch n a very rabid overgrown garden tht kind of looked like the earth ws trying to reclaim it bc nobody ever hd the time or motivation to mow the lawn.... there ws literally a piece of fold out furniture just entirely submerged by weeds n foliage

nyla ws always closest w their dad george..... he hd this way of looking at the world tht was seeing the best in all of it.... he took them on long walks where he talked abt how u have to respect the trees bc they’re breathing fr us n we’re breathing fr them..... he hd a strange whimsical sense of humour n a gnome alter ego called grundlebolt who always tickled them..... in a way this closeness created a distance between nyla n their mother but not so much that it ws rly a problem. just enough tht nyla sometimes waited until their mother ws out of eye n ear shot to tell their dad they loved him bc they didn’t wna make her sad >_>

(mental health, death & grief tw) pamela always struggled w her mental health but george ws great n understanding n knew how to help her thru this... nyla didn’t get it too greatly at a very young age bt they knew their mum got “the sads” sometimes (how their dad wld explain tht she needed to lay down in the quiet for a while or why she’d stood at the stove n let the dinner burn until the smoke detector went off without doing anything abt it). when nyla was 14 they got home one day to a police car in the driveway n came prancing in exuberantly as they always did. immediately hugged the legs of an officer bc this is hw they wld greet everyone they ever met. they only realised something was wrong when they let go n saw their mum sat at the table crying. essentially there ws an accident at the construction site george worked at n :/ yeah. 

(jst mental health & grief tw now) this rly had an intense ripple effect on everyone tbh. pamela’s mental health deteriorated quite a lot without george there as her rock n nyla sort of had to step in as best they cld but it was....... hard. some days she ws better bt some days nyla had to sit her in the bath n stroke a wet sponge over her back bc they didn’t know how else to calm her down. nyla always had a very overactive imagination which george encouraged bt it ws like. losing him rly opened a window in nyla’s head n all rationality went floating out of it. their dreams seemed more real than being awake. fantasy wasn’t jst the way they coped bt it was the way they thought n the way they saw. everything on earth was alive. the trees n the clouds n the wall with a brick missing at the bottom of her road n especially their dad. their dad was alive in everything in nyla’s head. the sun shining extra bright in the morning was george. ponds were a veil they could dunk her head under and find george waiting on the other side. reality rly just pulled the plug n said bye tbh n they were ok w that <3

(abuse implied tw) their mum remarried too fast to a man named stephen n it was jst not a good arrangement. he was Not a nice man. i won’t go into this but home wasn’t a nice place for nyla any more n after a couple of yrs stephen wound up asking them to leave n their mum said nothing to contradict tht. there’s more to this bt long story short nyla left <3

(drugs tw) they couch surfed fr a while before settling living w their best friend. they got up to like... all sorts of trouble n grew up far too fast. nyla’s lack of sense n realism hd a habit of getting them into some sticky situations n these few yrs were a rollercoaster where they got by on the skin of their teeth. when they think of high skl they think of gravel and skinned knees and sucking sherbet dunkers to ignore the taste of pennies in ur mouth and getting lost in the woods a lot bc they’d take FAR too many drugs n be lead astray having conversations with kind trees whose branches held their hands

(drug mention) got by on odd jobs like making candles n selling them at market stalls. leaf blowing at cemeteries. face painting fr children’s parties (where they were blatantly high). random stuff. all over the place. in this time them n their best friend also hd a sugar daddy named tony who always wore very impressive colour block suits n mink stoles n jewelled fedoras n hd a swanky apartment w marble floors. rly just. surreal. lots of strange stories frm this time.

things kind of blew up in their friendship group n they fell out w their best friend raya bc she slept w this guy aj who nyla hd been madly in love w for yrs.... he was a Stinker n honestly so ws their best friend so good riddance i say bt obviously it felt like having their entire world flipped upside dwn fr nyla.... they split after this came out bc they just did Not want to b around these ppl any more n they decided to leave w this guy frm a band they barely knew tht much save fr a one night stand to tour w them..... this ws another whirlwind. jst chock full of them. it ws similar to being on a teacup ride at a carnival n spinning round n round n only knowing u were surrounded by lots of lights. tht’s how they’d best describe their time on tour.

SO in terms of them coming to irving 8 months ago they came w the band.... they honestly did pretty well on tour n wound up renting a big beach house on dorado as a kind of “retreat” sort of place fr them to shack up in while they worked on writing and recording their first big studio album (they gt signed w a label so it’s all vry exciting stuff). nyla among like 3 others were allowed to stay w them too bc they hd a lot of fun on tour. literally jst. taken on as professional groupies essentially. nyla loved it bc they’d never seen the ocean n when they first got there they jst threw off all their clothes n ran straight into the water. it was 3pm on a tuesday afternoon. they got arrested fr public indecency n didn’t get why bc they were like but i just wanted to hug the ocean u silly little oinker? i picture the beach house as like. the loudest one on dorado.... comes alive like a jungle at night..... they r probably bad neighbours. anyway. onto personality puts hand on hip.

PERSONALITY:

sets out patio furniture on someone else’s lawn n jst takes a seat n leans back like ahhhhh vat a nice day to be alive ya! (swedish accent suddenly bc they think it’s fun). they come out n start yelling n they’re jst so confused they’re like hey wat’s the big idea hey wat’s go on here why u angies why this happen?

likes drawing imaginary veins over their arms in all different colour blue pens in a sudden fit of hyperfixation n then forgets all abt it n goes out like tht n scares several townsfolk bt they’re oblivious they’re jst in her own world loving life already onto the next fixation. has many many different fads like this. one day will jst start snipping up a bunch of magazines bc they’re like EYES ARE COOL N THEY SEE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P n they’ll stick a bunch of them over their wall n then forget they was doing that n leap onto the next. quite a pattern. bt they love the vein thing a lot it makes them feel like a walking planetarium like they have their own constellations

sometimes jst doesn’t make sense. they’re honestly kind of strange. pops up in places like they suddenly materialised there n it’s like how did u get there where have u been when were u last seen are u ok. has the energy of an ancient deity frm deep in a mountain cave n an ambiguous forest sprite all at once..... talks shit honestly. abt anything n everything. sometimes outrageous. sometimes plain incoherent. like what are u talking about? i dnt kno. even i dnt kno sometimes.

luvs stick n pokes will let anyone tattoo whatever they want on them for the price of a gummy bear kindly placed onto their tongue n swallowed whole

has this obsession w being underwater w their eyes open luvs it. calls it their tadpole time. runs baths just to lie there blinking looking around n drifting her arms. best friends w the bottom of any local swimming pool n hs probably given it a quick kiss so it knows they’re bff’s n then got sick bc there’s sm germs in a public pool. says the kgb probably poisoned their oatmeal n r finally here to deliver on their promise n THAT’S why they got sick unrelated to the pool incident. what promise? noone knows.

unclear if they believe what they say or if they jst has a very expanded sense of humour where they nvr let on if they’re joking.... lines r blurred a lot..... 

loves excitedly shouting things. sometimes just screams at the sky bc they say it’s good to let the creatures in ur belly fly out every once in a while otherwise their wings get sore.

(drugs tw) still does an excessive amt of hallucinogens n it kind of shows. very bad fr their brain bt we’re going to ignore it.

dresses fun n strange n eccentric n careless. loves to experiment. does nt care abt what’s considered to be societally appropriate. living in their own world.

sleeps around a lot... jst doesn’t rly see sex as a big deal.... very free w themselves in that way..... sometimes greets their friends w a kiss on the lips they’re like awww :) kisses <3 when they run into them in the middle of the cereal aisle n then pulls away n suddenly breaks into a box tht has a free toy in it bc it’s a banana with googly eyes n that’s the best thing they’ve ever heard in their LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n isn’t he so HANDSOME????? enchante indeed my good sir ;)... gives the toy a kiss too.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

other groupies of the band: self explanatory a little.... i dnt have a name for the band yet bt all can b worked out..... i picture them as kind of. not that nice but like. there for a good time........ rock genre.... bit chaotic...... to say the least........ they dnt have to have come there w the band like nyla n the others they cld have been adopted in their time there.... whoever wld b wild n down fr a good time <3

chaotic trash goblin friends: idk what this title rly means it just came to me in a vision....... jst ppl tht r rly kind of off the rails n don’t care abt anything...... they r who nyla tends to mesh very well w......... they rly r living in their own world n by their own rules n they like ppl who do this too <3 inevitably they get up to no good n party far too much...... cld be angst to this if they enable each other’s bad habits...... world’s our oyster. opens my office door. let’s talk abt it.

nyla set up camp on their front lawn: maybe jst w a fold out chair. maybe w a literal pop up tent w someone else too. genuinely so bizarre of them bt that’s what we’re dealing with. they poke their head into the tent n nyla’s lying down crunching on a cracker crumbs over their tits n they just hold it out to them nt even fully consumed n are like hey polly want a cracker? :)

they responded to her craigslist ad: they posted one saying they cld cleanse their house of demonic energy bc they’re an all seeing eye in touch w the spirits. this is a lie. they came n waved sage around n did a little dance as they did it w bird sounds playing on a special cd they brought fr the occasion (had weird indistinct doodles over the case it ws brought in) n then ws like OOH! scary.... n jumped at something in the hall. they go in thinking maybe they’ve seen a ghost bt they just were startled by their own reflection in a mirror n is like. scary mirror placement...... might wna reconsider that........ they charge them merely 10 dollars fr their time n is like this was so fun we shd do it again some time :) also i think u have mould on ur bathroom tile! vanishes. they dnt recall them ever going to the bathroom.

came knocking asking for items for a garage sale: yes. u heard that right. they’re asking for ur muses things to set up their own garage sale. selling items that do not belong to them. they think this is a genius business strategy n don’t understand why ppl think this is so strange or why they cant just ask ppl to donate them things to sell bc hey they’re an entrepreneur? they even had a pencil behind their ear when they knocked on the door so why aren’t ppl taking their business seriously? probably got distracted several times trying to explain their pitch n chattered abt random other things instead.

honestly anything... fwbs... flings... good influence... someone who cnt stand the fact they’re barely coherent.... someone they stopped on the street one day n asked for their opinion on water beds.... we cn do literally anything. fling ur chara my way n we can talk.

[ziracona]

i was just wondering what your favourite tropes and dynamics are to explore in fic? either to write yourself or to read!

Oooh, that’s a hard one to answer because I like so many! Uhhh...Let me think.

Well, one of my favorite tropes is definitely Found Family. What is really more satisfying and worthwhile than a group of damaged people coming together and slowly building trust and love until they are inseparably bonded and full of love and have found things they never thought they would? 

I am extremely weak to memory loss both because I have some myself, and the American Dragon Jake Long episode Homecoming ripped out my heart as a kid and left me suffering, then Code Geass stepped on it twice with Shirley the same way. So I really like memory loss centered tragedy tropes bc I am 3x weak to them. I am also weak to that trope where one person is trapped in a room with a bomb, or going to drown, or for whatever reason cannot be saved from dying, so a loved one goes and stays and dies with them too just so they don’t have to die alone. Frkn /shatters/ my heart.

I love hurt comfort a lot. I think my favorite scenes to write and read are often one person is completely at the mercy of person 2, who they have no reason to think will help them and are terrified of being hurt by, but instead of person 2 doing anything bad at all, they are kind and look after them and save them. I die for that. It is the lifeblood of my soul.

I also like big character arcs and well done redemption arcs (bad ones make me rage tho. If I was a card in a tarot deck, I’d be Justice). Personal growth, finding hope again, learning to trust or love yourself. I really like character studies, and I like in-depth looks at serious issues and complex and messed up situations. I also am a big fan of deeply important and lasting platonic relationships, be it familial or best friends or whatever, and like romances where the two in question (or more if poly) just try really hard to be good to each other and communicate well and are full of love and would die for each other. 

Love pets being a big element of story. Love language barriers, and like writing them/communication barriers. I am usually not very interested in stories (writing or reading) that don’t have good rep in a number of ways. Like writing disabled characters well because I see them get written very grossly so much (I like writing tons of groups this is just the one I did most recently, so it’s on my mind rn. I am disabled, but I’m also a lot of other things to & def don’t only focus on/be interested by my own stuff). I am kinda branching out from tropes to just elements now tho. Uhhhhh, tropes, tropes. I love the opposite of that stupid “If you kill an evil person you’re just as bad”--I am here to see people end the people who murdered their friends or abused them. It’s what they deserve. Not here for a woobie redemption arc for an abuser. Very tired of those & angy. 

I love humor in the midst of intense drama or horror or sadness. I’m big into massive sacrifices, but especially if it’s something other than death bc those tend to be more well thought out.

I adore characters who have been through awful things and suffered and been abused getting to actually heal and live happy lives instead of just dying the second they start to taste happiness. I love themes and tropes about the value and lasting nature of human connection and how important and lasting it is.

(putting the rest under a cut bc I am having fun but this be getting long)

Uhhh, I am obsessed with free will > fate and choice, and I really like humanity and things about what it means to be human, and ethics, but like, in an interesting way? Like, Terry Pratchett’s stuff really appeals to me. Like  “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.”    “Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.”   “The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).”   “There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.”    “There’s no point in believing in things that exist.”    “You couldn’t put off the inevitable. Because sooner or later, you reached the place when the inevitable just went and waited.”  and   

“Yeah? How many worshipers have you got?”  “Fifty-one!” The newt looked at him hopefully, and added, “Is that lots? Can't count.” It pointed at a rather crudely molded figure on the beach in Omnia and said, “But got a stake!”  Om looked at the figure of the little fisherman. “When he dies, you'll have fifty worshippers,” he said.  “That more or less than fifty-one?” “A lot less.”  “Definite?”  “Yes.”  “No one tell me that.” There were several dozen gods watching the beach. Om vaguely remembered the Ephebian statues. There was the goddess with the badly carved owl. Yes. Om rubbed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show a tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.  He said, to the occult world in general, “There's people going to die down there.”  A Tsortean God of the Sun did not even bother to look round. “That's what they're for,” he said. In his hand he was holding a dice box that looked very much like a human skull with rubies in the eye-sockets.  “Ah, yes,” said Om. “I forgot that, for a moment.” He looked at the skull, and then turned to the little Goddess of Plenty. “What's this, love? A cornucopia? Can I have a look? Thanks.” Om emptied some of the fruit out. Then he nudged the Newt God. “If I was you, friend, I'd find something long and hefty,” he said.  “Is one less than fifty-one?” said P'Tang-P'Tang.  “It's the same,” said Om, firmly. He eyed the back of the Tsortean God's head.  “But you have thousands,” said the Newt God. “You fight for thousands.”  Om rubbed his forehead. I spent too long down there, he thought. I can't stop thinking at ground level. “I think,” he said, “I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.” He tapped the Solar God on the shoulder. “Hey, sunshine?” When the God looked around, Om broke the cornucopia over his head.

Are all just from Small Gods, and like, boy is that my kinda good shit. Love history and sociology and anthropology. 

I love people fighting to do something they know is doomed to fail just because they know it’s the right thing. I also die for characters who are loyal undyingly, and characters admitting they were wrong and trying to do better, and that trope where someone says something but the exact opposite is happening in the background or happens immediately after. Love that trope where someone should be dead but they just. keep. getting. back. up. to defend someone they love. Love the trope where character A dies and character B takes something of theirs like a bracelet or a necklace or a headband or something and wears it forever after. : (((    

I know there’s a ton more but ima swap to dynamics. 

Let’s see. I adore familial relationships so much? Blood family, adopted, doesn’t matter, it’s exactly the same. I am huge on one character becoming team mom or dad or parent, or adopting some of the others. I love parent-kid relationships, even with adults and older adults, because it’s just as important. I adore small children being cared for by gruff war-hardened people, or selfish dicks who have to be better for the kid, or kind people who always wanted a kid and lost their own or never had one, or who are happy to add one more, or big sisters Clemtine style stepping into parenthood. Live for that, and I seek out video games that let me play it. Very excited to be trying out Plague’s Tale Innocence, because you play as a big sis taking care of your little brother (he’s like 6? 5-8? I’m not sure). But it’s such a neat idea for a sibling dynamic to explore, because while they’re siblings and know each other’s name and have like, a familial bond, it’s also all kind of awkward and new, because he’s been sick for years and in quarantine with just their mom, so even though they’re siblings and love each other and like, baby brother trusts you, they don’t really know each other at all, and that is just fascinating and so cool to explore to me! I also love someone adopting someone else as their new sibling(s) and dragging them into the family. I love siblings where one starts to go evil or mess up, and the other sibling fights with everything they have to save them/bring them back/help them become good again, because it breaks my heart and sibling relationships are /so/ important to me.

I also love shit like Jeff in dbd, where one character adopts younger characters who just /super/ don’t deserve it, because as much as they’ve fucked up, they love them anyway, they just do, and they want to be there to give them support and a chance to keep trying if they’ll take it. And like, I love all of Legion’s relationships with him, but especially Joey, because it’s /so/ sweet, and Joey is just a scared kid hurting and alone and he wants /so bad/ just to be loved and thought well of and okay, but he’s terrified of getting hurt or killed, and confused, and guilty and afraid of what will happen because of all the bad shit he did, and Jeff is just so warm and forgiving and full of nothing but unconditional love and kindness, and in the sincerest of ways, and they’re such good friends, which is like, not optional to a good parent-child relationship. Or way older brother filling in for parent-kid, there’s a lot of overlap. Anyway! Also just cute shit where someone falls in love with the idea of getting to look out for and stay close to someone younger they want to protect and parent, and there’s this kind of hopeful and almost fragile unsureness that the other person will want or need them in that capacity, like Ace adopting Nea, and not just picking looking out for someone who needs it over former life of thrill, but like, never regretting that choice, and just being truly happy and fulfilled in the adventure they now are on.

For friendships, god. I like so much shit, I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry I am giving you a novel for an answer to this short ask, rip. But I just love all kinds! I like groups with an established rhetoric between them, who are just so comfortable in each others’ presence, and people you know love and value each other so much they’re going to be together forever just as much as the two other characters getting married. I love one is a nice person, and the other is an asshole, but they make an amazing team and balance each other out, and the asshole stops the kind one from dying doing shit for other people, and the kind one helps the asshole be just a little more in love with their friends and things other than themself, and they’re great together. I love idiot friends who riff off each other and do bits all the time, and ones who turn into the “Holy shit there’s two of them” whenever they hang out, and ones who are just so on the same wavelength they’re totally comfortable in silence together and seek it out and would die for the other. I like wingman to person who is dying of embarrassment dynamic, and hardcore fighty person protecting either small and easily hurt person, or just as great, protecting dedicatedly person who is ironically either just as tough as them or even more, but it’s still really sweet and kind of double soft and sweet because tough friend never gets cared for.

God, what don’t I like? ...People being toxic assholes together?

I like super opposites that mesh well, but look hilarious next to each other, and goofy best friends who shamelessly sing loud to the most embarrassing karaoke track they could find. Lesbian and himbo is pretty great. As is the opposite, gay dude and stupid amazing slut or bimbo. (Fkn Mateo and Cheyanne kill me). Sweetest person you will ever know surrounded by 20 people who would die for them. Person who thinks they’re unlovable and takes a long time to notice like all their friends already love them, and then they get to be happy. Person who has never once had a good relationship is dragged into a healthy friendship and /super/ suspicious at every turn because they just aren’t used to being loved and treated well, but eventually softens and probably straight up breaks down at some point.

Person who was formerly bad or did something super fucked up is forgiven and welcomed into a group which they can barely even understand, and they are full of guilt but their loved ones reassure them and help them heal and just accept them and support them. Friends who are super mean to other friend but like, in a loving way, and would also take a bullet for the friend.

Uhhh, for romances, my fave is characters who just fucking love each other. I am real tired of relationship drama. Like pining and issues and star crossed lovers are all great (I think of those, star-crossed lovers is my fave), but I mean like, the shit where people keep having misunderstandings or not talking or cheating on each other just so there can be drama--that I am sick of. I love it when person A does something super badass and probably a little unexpected and person B is like “That’s my wife!!!” or just goes : O with love in their eyes, and this happens constantly.  I love gushy mushy sweet displays of affection. I love relationships where the people who are dating were best friends first and still are after, all the way, and tease and rib and are so in love.

I like it when one person thinks they don’t deserve the other, but clearly their partner feels none of this and is always just like “Babe...” and hugs them and is just as in love, and helps them begin to love themself more. 

Uhhhh, I like it when there’s someone who doesn’t think they’re in love and there’s that trope where they suddenly get it and you get the Oh or the Wait in italics as it drops internally. I like ships where the characters balance each other out well or provide good support and get better together than they were apart, triple points if they’re super aware of that and comment on it. Also whatever the fuck Maureen Robinson and John Robinson in the Lost in Space reboot have going on. That’s like, goals. She’s chaotic evil living lawful good by sheer force of will, and he’s a himbo too in love to realize any of that and never questions what she thinks they should do beyond the physical logistics of it and would die for her and not think twice about it or the fact that she moves really fast to the pragmatic “Okay,”--not because she doesn’t love him, she does--but because someone does need to be alive for their kids and she’s just wired too practical for him to have to pry her off sobbing to not stay and die with him. (This happens verbatim in like episode 6, but it’s not a mega spoiler bc he doesn’t actually die--he just almost does. She figures out a way to save them both right before committing to it.)

I also like “two fools both in love but really nervous about asking the other if they are because of their past, or situation, or because this is the first time or first time with that kind of relationship, so there’s just intense romantic tension all the time where they pause mid-sentence to just stare into eachothers’ eyes and forget what they were saying, but they’re both too ineffective to just fucking go “Do you like me?” for such a long time. Hurt/comfort paired with pining. Uhhh, but Star Crossed Lovers is up there for sure. I love the pain of two people wanting to be together but it’s just /impossible/ and they know it but that doesn’t make the feelings go away, and it’s miserable, and maybe they’re upset, because they shouldn’t feel this way, but they can’t not, and it’s confused, and it hurts, but they’re also so /happy/ when they see each other. I like that good shit in any romance where the characters can just look at each other and they know, and you know. That’s the choice shit, I tell you that.

Jeeze I’m sure I missed stuff but this is already so long. Uhhh, I like so much I don’t really know how to answer. But my favorite like, vibe/....flavor genre? Is Hope Punk. Uhhh, and mostly I dig any relationships that end up healthy and sweet. I really like second-chances, and characters confronting and moving on past their bad or complicated pasts, or trauma, and healing. Hurt comfort is love, and so is angst with a happy ending. I like a good villain or a wonderful asshole, but I feel like characters that are just good and doing their best really get overlooked and undervalued a lot, and I am here for them. Like Sam Gamgee? One of the /best/ characters in LOTR. So is Bob Newby--and I do get the irony in them both being played by Sean Astin. But uh, anyway, I really like to explore how decent people try to act when confronted with terrible situations and choices, because I really value people who stayed sweet and kind and merciful and full of love even after all the awful shit life has put them through, and I really like writing about how /hard/ that is, and what it looks like, along with the other stuff. I also like characters who are very flawed and very medium being given something to lose and something to gain that go in opposite directions, and being forced to confront their reality and make hard choices. I like people being given intense opportunities to grow or to rot, and seeing which they’ll chose and why and if they’ll make it to the end. Mostly I just really love characters who try, even if they fail, because that can be a lot harder to do than it seems. I like dynamics where one character is very flawed, or in a bad place, but they love someone they think is amazing, and so they’re working hard to catch up to them, or to get close enough they can reach out and hold their hand, and are fighting to make it to a person themselves who can do that someday. I’m sure I forgot a lot and that this was super rambly, but I hope you at least enjoyed some of it! Thanks for asking! ^u^

[writeradamanteve]

(beautiful and inspiring art by @shrugheadjonesthethird Don’t forget to give her some love.)

Sneak Peek: The Land of Good and Evil

Betty had a passable concept of pain. She’d seen it on humans through the centuries. She knew how to alleviate it with angelic power. She herself had never experienced it, however. Nothing except Hellfire could actually affect her and that sort of thing wasn’t available at the local Home Depot.

Even Jughead never kept that stuff just lying around. He apparently didn’t want anyone getting their hands on it and using it to overpower the angel running the corner bookstore. He stored his Hellfire in the highest mountain peak of Gangkhar Puensum in Tibet, where humans are yet to reach its 24,836 foot high summit. Of course, he had no problem just snapping his fingers and fetching it in 2 seconds—as he did when that one night, he thought some avenging angel was trying to break into the bookstore, but he hadn’t had to use it (it turned out some lush just mistakenly tried to key himself into the store, thinking it was his apartment).

“Might be a great idea to rethink this arrangement,” he had said, a casual edge in his tone as they sat together in what had been companionable silence, her at her writing desk and him from the overhead bookstore loft, booted feet dangling through the railings. It was their first night at the bookstore after the Incident. “You know, given that heaven and hell are out to get us for actively cancelling that little thing called the Apocalypse.”

She had frowned, feeling herself getting upset all over again by this unpleasant topic. “I thought we agreed that the angels were at least too afraid of what God might do if they hurt me.”

He knew her moods far too well and he never liked upsetting her, so he appeared by her desk chair in seconds, having taken his spot on the footstool so that he was looking up and she was looking down.

His little scoff was slightly infuriating, but he distracted from her annoyance by taking her bare foot in his hands and massaging it with skillful ease. “All I’m saying is that nothing’s to stop them from claiming that they came here to hurt me and that you got caught in the crossfire.”

Ordinarily, their kind—angel and demon alike—were immune to touch, so massages do nothing, unless, of course, they allow sensations to permeate. When Jughead got this way, Betty’s default was to allow. She actively had to shut sensations down if she wanted to rebuff him.

After 3,000 years together on this plane, it was difficult to disconnect from him. Even when they were fighting, she couldn’t help but tell him about her day whilst telling him how horrible and conniving he was.

Right now, the gentle circling of his thumb was rolling pleasant waves from her ankle, up to her legs, which was an altogether welcome sensation, but she was fully aware of what he was telling her and she was having none of it. “I told you, you’re staying right here. Now that everyone knows we’re chummy, there’s hardly any point to you and I living in separate spaces. This way is expedient—to the work we do here on Earth, of course. And we don’t have to keep wondering where in the world the other is, so long as we diligently leave each other Post-It notes on the refrigerator door. Besides, it isn’t as if you have a choice. God didn’t restore your old place so you have nowhere to stay.”

He grinned, his hint of fang glinting against the candle light and his unearthly, icy blue gaze staring up at her in amusement. “I’m a demon, Betty. I don’t actually need a place to live.”

She felt pleased by the implication that while he didn’t need a place to stay, he was opting to stay in her bookstore anyway. “Nonsense. We all have our creature comforts. You aren’t immune to it either, ‘else God wouldn’t have given you back your Bentley. If you didn’t love it in the first place, you wouldn’t have kept that car of yours around for so long.”

He shrugged, conceding that point but continuing to massage her foot. “I concede. The Big Guy did elect to give us back the thing we love the most on this earth…your bookstore and my car.“

She arched her eyebrow, to which he replied with a wink. She scoffed.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’ll always be a danger to you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Please.” A glass of wine appeared in one hand as she waved away his words with the other. Leaning back on her chair, she appeared to be enjoying the way his knuckles were pressing against the arch of her foot. “We thwarted the armies of heaven and hell and we survived execution. However ticked off the heavenly hosts and hoards of hell are with us, they very well know they are forbidden from killing us by God’s law, and by turn, Lucifer’s law. Even if it weren’t, they’ll be lucky not to shirt their pants coming after us.”

Betty maintained that the little trick they pulled during their respective executions—switching bodies, thereby preventing Betty’s annihilation by Hellfire and Jughead’s by Holy Water—was the best prank of the millenia. Betty suspected God knew everything that had happened, but as was His won’t, His plans were, as they say, ineffable.

Jughead let the argument drop after that, shifting his efforts to the massage, and later to cheekily coaxing her to be more daring about his ministrations.

He didn’t get far, of course. She didn’t let him (the nerve). Betty may be an angel of vice, but she drew the line at indulging him.

So all this meant was—on a fairly objective level, she understood what pain and pleasure was, but she never actually felt pain. She wasn’t even sure if she actually felt pleasure.

But now.

Waking up from an evening of excessive shots of tequila and hot sauce with Jughead, she felt a pounding headache.

Firstly, that she fell asleep at all was highly unusual, considering she hadn’t had to sleep a wink the last 3,000 years.

She could barely open her eyes without crossing them and she felt her groan actually reverberate through her body.

Secondly, she didn’t actually think ��Oh, I have a headache!” What she thought was What in the Nine Hells is this?

Draped on a nearby chaise, Jughead was also waking from sleep. “Fuuuuuuuck!”

With his hands clutching his head, Jughead sat up and groaned. “Heaven’s Hemorrhoids, what am I—my head! My mouth. It feels disgusting!”

Jughead’s voice had never sounded so terrible.

Betty tossed a pillow and it went flying to his face. “Please be quiet. You are making it worse!”

They moaned and groaned for about a minute before Jughead looked up from his hands and stared at the table behind her. “Where is all the tequila?”

Betty looked up and noticed the empty bottles that surrounded them. Her jaw dropped. “They’re empty. They’re all empty, Jughead!”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Where did all of it go? Oh, my loving Satan, my head!” Though Jughead was clutching his head, he stood up, wobbled slightly, but determinedly went to the empty bottles, knocking a few down as he picked one up and sniffed its contents. “These are the same bottles. Where did it--Elizabeth, you don’t think--” He looked at her, eyes widening. “It isn’t still in us, is it?”

Betty couldn’t fathom that they hadn’t expelled it like they had the last 3,000 years. Half the alcohol they’d been consuming over the millenia had been consumed and re-consumed by them thousands of times, and they never forgot to put them back in the bottles after they were done getting drunk. They’d never actually kept it in their bodies.

An unpleasant feeling consumed her gut, and just as she began to get a sinking feeling that the alcohol was permeating her system, she realized in horror that she just very well might throw up.

All over her antique books.

She shot out of her chair, repeating the mantra she would give her customers: Down the hall, two doors to your left.

And when she threw the door open, she instinctively went to the nearest hole, which was the toilet, and hurled.

There’s the tequila.

********************

Suffice it to say, the alcohol was still obviously in their system, and Jughead, in his state of dehydration, went to the nearest bodega, purchased an entire case of bottled water, and sat both him and Betty down to drink it.

“I don’t know what’s happening, but my powers are going haywire and it looks like we need to expel the stuff the natural way,” Jughead said, chugging down one bottle and proceeding to open another. “At least for the meantime. Ugh, the indignity. Here--good, clean water.”

Betty glared at him through her miserable state. “New York water from the tap is the best in the country. Did you have to purchase those infernal plastic things--”

“Spare me your angelic environmental bullshit for the time being and drink up. Are your powers working for you?”

Her powers weren’t exactly cooperating, either, so she grumbled her response and began drinking the water he offered.

She felt her gorge rise again, but she managed to stifle it, stamping away the nausea with a deep breath and a cool gulp of Poland Springs.

Jughead, even with his bloodshot eyes and alcoholic stink, managed to grin. “Who knew you were such a lightweight?”

Betty made a face and stuck her tongue out at him.

He laughed and then sniffed himself. “Holy shit, I stink, Cooper.”

“I’m not feeling quite so fresh, myself. I can’t believe we actually need a bath.”

“Shall we do the environmentally responsible thing and share one?” He winked.

She rolled her eyes but she wasn’t in the mood to argue this point. “If you shut up, then yes.”

Jughead blinked in surprise, no doubt expecting to be shot down. When she didn’t take it back, he pouted. “You’re no fun when you have a hangover.”

[dontdoitluke]

We Could Be Heroes - Ch 7

Sky High AU, but instead, it’s a superhero University.

Summary: Emma takes flight and discovers something volatile.

Chapter: 7/?

Word Count: 1,711

CHAPTER INDEX

Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list!

Tags: @calumamongmen   @myloverboyash   @toofadedtofight   @bigtimesos @lukescherrypie   @burncrashbromance   @bumblebet-20  @calsophat @kindahoping4forever @lockthisheartinchains @babylon-corgis  @lfwallscouldtalk   @badguycal   @justhappytoobehere

Notes: The boys aren’t in this chapter, sorry! This is a filler to hopefully get me through my block and introduce some important things happening later.

I wanna thank the ladies of the 5sos Angels GC for sticking with me throughout this whole ordeal. It wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for y’all. Thank you, Angels <3

Also, this chapter has a slightly excessive use of the word “fuck”. My bad.

In front of the tallest building on campus, Emma leaned against the cool brick wall and furrowed her eyebrows, the wheel in her mind spinning over and over again. She thought about shifting into a lizard, but then she wouldn’t be able to carry her phone. Perhaps a squirrel? Or a beetle? That was even worse, and she mentally kicked herself for even thinking about it. She could easily shift into a bird, but that was too easy. She wanted a challenge... but she also wanted to save the flying for later.

The spinning mind-wheel slowed to a stop and landed on one of her favorite furry animals.  

Taking her phone out of her pocket, she opened the ring connected to the case and put it between her teeth as she faced the wall to begin her shifting process. The air around her was still as her bones cracked and her skin tingled, adrenaline rushing through her blood like lightning. Her slender hands morphed into tiny rough paws and her spine grew into a long, bushy tail, and soon, her entire body was covered in a thick layer of gray and black fur.

Emma, now fully shifted into a fuzzy raccoon, chittered happily and moved closer to the building.

Raccoons can climb walls, right?

She placed her tiny hand-like paws on the wall and dug her claws into the brick, lifting herself a couple of inches off of the ground to test her grip. It wasn’t as secure as she had hoped, but it would have to do. After all, she did want to be challenged.

Starting off slowly, she began to climb, focusing only on the ledge of the rooftop that seemed miles away. Steadily, she climbed faster, and faster, until she was very nearly running straight up the side of the wall, the phone dangling from her jaws scraping against the brick and concrete. She was nearly there, only a few feet away from the ledge. Once she reached the highest window, she rested her tiny feet against the exterior frame and steadied herself before surging upward, grabbing onto the ledge and dangling for a moment before scrambling up and over onto the rooftop. Her body rolled across the cool concrete as she shifted back into her human form, and she stopped on her back, panting softly.

Emma gingerly removed the phone ring from her teeth and flexed her jaw. Checking the time, she smiled excitedly. 6:42 a.m. Only a few more minutes until sunrise. She stayed still a bit longer to watch the colors around her slowly turning from a deep black to a softer shade of sapphire blue, and when sapphire blue began to take on shades of purple, she stood and moved to tuck her phone into a safe spot behind one of the solar panels scattered along the rooftop.

She brushed the dirt and dust off of her clothes and stepped up onto the ledge of the building, looking out into the colorful horizon in front of her. Then she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped.

Seconds before she hit the ground below her, she quickly shifted mid-air into a bright red finch and spread her wings in flight, her talons barely brushing the blades of grass as she swooped into the air. And just as she rose above the tall university buildings, so did the sun. As usual, her timing was perfect.

For Emma, one of the greatest things about being a shifter was flying. She loved how she felt when she was floating along the wind, her body and her mind feeling weightless and free. It was impossible for her to feel any emotion other than pure joy as she flapped her wings and rose higher and higher into the clouds, feeling the wind on her feathered face. Her favorite thing about flying was taking off right as the sun came up. 

She flew out of the courtyard and toward the coastline, gliding above the waves crashing along the shore to watch as the sun continued to lazily rise, and she continued to fly freely until the sun had fully risen, letting her mind wander off and her mental stress fall to the ground below. Her wings eventually took her back to the university campus where she landed gently on the ledge of the building where she began her flight.

Just as she began to shift back into her human form, the door leading up to the roof flew open violently and a young woman stormed out, followed by another young woman who was struggling to keep up with her. Emma immediately reverted back into full bird form before they could see her, and flew behind a wooden crate to hide. She didn’t normally care if anyone saw her shifting, but the woman angrily stomping onto the concrete roof was Cherice Alistair, and, like most people, Emma preferred to limit her contact with the self-proclaimed Princess of Goldbay.  

“She thinks she’s so fucking special just because she’s a fucking assistant that gets to play Teacher.”

They’re talking about Persey, Emma thought. Jeez, she’s still stuck on that? It's been days.

“What did your dad say?” the companion panted. Emma recognized her as Dee, a lovely rubenesque girl with rich dark skin and a shaved head. She was very quiet, usually, and she was also seemingly the only person who was willing to spend time with Cherice for more than an hour.

“He wouldn’t do shit! He gave me some fucking sob story about how that bitch Persey’s mom was the witch doctor that cured Grandmother and how he holds her entire family to some insane high degree,” Cherice waved her hands furiously, tugging at her thick red locks. “I can’t fucking believe her, acting like she didn’t know who Father was, acting like she didn’t know who I am...”

Inwardly, Emma laughed. It was pretty hilarious to see Cherice so worked up and not getting her way. Dee remained silent and moved to sit down next to a solar panel, groaning as she lowered herself to the ground.

“Like, who fucking cares if some old skank with herbs and crystals and oils inspired him to become a doctor. He would have been a doctor without that influence.”

“I thought your dad originally wanted to be a pilot.”

“Shut the fuck up, that’s irrelevant. He knows his true calling is medicine, just like I know mine is to be the next Mayor.”

Dee looked down and bit her lip, picking at some of the frayed strands on her jeans. “I don’t know, Cher, I’m sure she was just excited to be the teacher and took it too far, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

Cherice slowly turned to face Dee, her face contorted with malice. “Not... not a big deal? That fucking bitch humiliated me in front of the entire class! She treated me like I was some kind of pest to be exterminated! And Father... fucking bastard... is acting like it’s nothing to sneeze at! And now I have to take that from you, too!?”

With every word, she grew more furious, and began to shake with anger.  

“Fuck that! She’s going to fucking pay, every cock sucking pathetic worm that sat in those cheap metal chairs and laughed in my face is going to pay, that lazy so called instructor that allowed that hippie bitch to lead is going to pay, Father is going to pay, they’ll all be fucking sorry!”

She let out a terrifying scream that pierced the sky and threw her hand in front of her as if slapping an invisible person, and every solar panel and HVAC unit in front of her was ripped from the concrete and thrown off of the roof in pieces. Dee scrambled backward and let out a whimper, and Emma squawked and flew up and settled on a far corner away from the flying debris, her tiny bird feet gripping the ledge tightly.  

For a moment, Cherice stood motionless, her eyes wide. She stared at her hands while her mouth hung open in shock. Dee slowly stood and moved closer to her cautiously.  

“Wow, I... didn’t know you could do that.”

“I-I... I didn’t either,” she whispered.  

Running a hand along her bare scalp, Dee took a deep breath and looked at the section of the rooftop that Cherice cleared. Aside from a few wires jutting from the holes they came from, the entire left side was completely bare. She sighed and put her hands carefully on her friend’s shoulders.

“Let’s go back inside, okay? You’re shaking like a leaf and I think you need to process this new power while you calm down. Let’s go grab some muffins. You love muffins, and today is your cheat day, yeah? I bet they have the ones with blueberries AND dark chocolate chips, those are your favorite, right?”

Dee slowly and gently turned the red-head toward the door and lead her to it, continuing to speak comforting words while Cherice mumbled about how everyone was going to pay for their crimes against her, and once the door was shut and Emma was sure that they were gone, she flew to the panel that her phone was hidden behind and shifted back into human form.  

“Thank God,” she sighed. Her phone was safe, and aside from being a little shaken up, she was safe as well. Or so she hoped. Cherice was a firecracker, everyone knew that, but now she has a new power and her anger was fueled to capacity, there’s no telling what she might plan next. She needed to warn her friends as soon as she could in case something actually did happen.

Before standing to exit the building, she spotted a tiny caterpillar inching its way along the brick. Instead of wondering how in the world it got up there, Emma licked her lips hungrily and moved to pick it up with her beak-

Wait, hold the fuck on, she wondered, shaking her head. I’m not a bird anymore... how long did I shift for?

She checked her phone. The time was 9:44 am. She’d stayed shifted an hour and a half too long.

“Ah, fuck.”

[frzntrx]

Another FrozenTricks fanfic I just thought of,

Maybe part of another longer fic I’m writing about them, I haven’t decided yet,

Implied smut here, enjoy!!!

(Loki's POV)

The door slammed, startling Elsa and I out of the movie we had been watching on the tv with her little sister Anna and her husband Kristoff.

Anna had requested Titanic, Elsa had sighed

"Always the hopeless romantic huh baby sister?"

"Damn straight." She teased back, sticking her tongue out.

But it actually wasn't as sappy as I thought it would be...

Maybe because it was actually based on a real and very tragic event in earth's history, but it wasn't as stupid as I thought it would be,

Towards the end, when Rose was on the tiny door looking down at Jack helplessly, having not been strong enough to be able to pull him up, a single tear appeared on Elsa's cheek, and she laid her head on my shoulder,

I frowned,

I wasn't used to her losing her control like this... even as slight as it was now…

Usually she had a strong confident facade... I knew she had to because of what happened with her family... she almost killed her sister twice, but this was... new.

It was around this time the door banged against the door, effectively startling everybody in the room,

"BROTHER!!!! TONY STARK HAS DECIDED TO START A TRADITION FOR ALL OF US WHERE WE GO ON A BEACH VACATION TO BOND!!! PACK YOUR BAGS!!! WE'RE HEADED TO FLORIDA!!! ITS A ROAD TRIP!!!!!" Thor bellowed excitedly, I rolled my eyes.

"As if he'd invite me." I murmured,

"No no he did!" Thor said happily, my eyebrow raised,

"Why?"

"I told him me and Lady Elsa probably wouldn't go if he left you out!"

I rolled my eyes, there it was... it wasn't about inviting me... it was keeping others from ducking out.

"As much as I appreciate the gesture brother, I'd rather not... frost giants can't stand the heat, you know that..."

Elsa's eyebrow shot up,

"Lo you know I'm going right?"

I frowned,

"You're one too... why are you going?"

"Because it's an all expenses paid vacation and Anna and Kristoff were invited too by association so I figured what the hell, it's sister bonding time at least... a little warm weather won't kill me, it's the Florida keys Loki, the water will help I promise..." she said matter of factly.

I hesitated,

"I don't know..."

"Pleeeeease!!! When have I ever asked you for anything?!? You're my best friend!"

"Literally last week... you begged me to make you peppermint hot cocoa even though it's almost March because you didn’t feel like getting out of bed.”

"Oh come onnnn!!! Pleeeeease!" She pleaded,

"Pleeeeease!!!" Anna joined in,

"Oh not you too Anna... don't you dare." I groaned,

Then Elsa looked at me with those big pleading eyes, and I groaned,

"No... no no no you're not gonna get me with that... not again."

But she looked away, hurt, looking like a puppy that just got kicked, heartbroken and I sighed,

"You know what... fine... fine. But if we die from heatstroke it's you guys fault."

"YES!!!!" Elsa cheered, giving Anna a high five,

"ROAD TRIP!!!!"

____________________________________

We were almost there when I heard Elsa humming to a song that was playing on her iPhone.

"I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan..."

Then Anna smirked and joined in,

"Welcome to the land of Fame Excess, am I gonna fit in?"

Then all the other ladies on our team started singing with them, and even Thor Kristoff, and Steve joined in, I rolled my eyes,

"I hopped in the cab here I am for the first time... look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign!

This is all so crazy!

Everybody seems so famous!!!"

I continued to ignore everybody else on the bus, reading,

"My tummy's turning and I'm feeling kinda homesick, too much pressure and I'm nervous!

But then the taxi man turns on the radio and the Jay-Z song was on!"

I looked up for a moment to see Elsa and Anna right in my face, the rest of the people in the bus dancing in their seats

"Oh my Norns... what...?" I laughed

"And the Jay-Z song was on

And the Jay-Z song was on!!!"

They paused, all looking at me expectingly, I sighed, giving up.

"So I put my hands up they're playing my song and the butterflies fly away!!!"

They all cheered and continued along with their almost scream singing

"Nodding my head like yeah!

Moving my hips like yeah!

Put my hands up they're playing my song and I know it's gonna be okay!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah yeah!!!

It's a party in the USA!!!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah yeah!!! "

"It's a party in the USA!!!!!" Elsa belted, and the others cheered and whooped and hollered.

Then the bus stopped,

"Okay guys we're here!" Banner called to the back.

Stark actually had managed to buy an entire private island somewhere in the Florida keys not far from key west, said it was going to be an biannual two weeks each spring break and summer vacation tradition, I had said that we're grown adults we don't have spring break or summer vacation anymore but he shushed me.

Everybody piled out of the bus.

Anna was the first to break the awed silence with a squeal of glee as she rushed excitedly to the little tiny house she and Kristoff would be staying in.

I rolled my eyes,

"So the lovebirds Anna and Kristoff obviously have their own little honeymoon-slash-love nest vacation cabana since they can't keep their hands off each other for literally a second or they'll burst into flames or something..."  I said,rolling my eyes and picking up my bags,

I expected to get a room to myself...

But stupid Stark had other ideas apparently.

"What do you mean Elsa and I have to share a room?!?" I shouted at Stark,

"You're both Frost giants? Nobody else wants to have to deal with the air conditioning turned up all the way all the time..."

That... actually made sense...

"But why not send her to stay with her sister? She loves her ice powers why not?"

"Because Anna thought that Elsa would feel awkward with them making out all the time," Stark said

I grimaced,

"Actually that makes sense... I wouldn't want to see my brother making out with his girlfriend who HAD to tag along either..." I sighed, glaring at Thor and Jane cuddling on a porch swing type thing on the beach, watching the sunrise.

It was sickening.

"Well... I guess if I had to share a room with anybody I'd rather it be her than any of you guys anyways no offense."

Banner huffed,

"How is that not offensive?"

"Because I'm sure you don't wanna see me all the time either?"

He frowned,

"Yeah I guess you're right... it would be kinda awkward having to sleep in the same room with some other guy... at least if it's not like a brother or a cousin or something..."

I sighed, This was going to be so awkward...

I wasn't expecting to share a room with anyone... I pretty much sleep in the nude in spring and summer because otherwise I'm burning up... being a frost giant and all...the temperature in America was a big change from Asgard or even Norway, so I didn't bring any pajamas...

If I had known...

I shook my head.

"Fine... I guess I'll just have to endure it..."

____________________________________

I pretty much passed out when I got all my stuff up to our room, Elsa had apparently beat me there because all her stuff was there, but she wasn't.

Which was a relief because I just wanted to take a nap... it was too damn early.

I was awoken at around 11 by the light being flicked on, and I was blinded, because I had closed the shades to block out any unnecessary heat.

"Okay OW!!!" I shouted, sitting up and rubbing my eyes,

"Oh my god Loki I'm so sorry! I didn't even know we were sharing a room I just came in here to change into my swimsuit! Like I had no idea where you even were!"

Oh... it was Elsa.

I sighed, covering my face with one arm, to block out the light until my eyes adjusted.

"Yeah... sorry... Stark said since we're both frost giants it'd be best... because otherwise whoever either of us roomed with would be freezing all the time." I finally removed my arm from in front of my face and saw her just standing in the doorway awkwardly.

"That... makes sense." She said, her cheeks slightly flushed,

"What?" I asked, confused She turned away,

"N-nothing."

Then I looked down, shit.

This looked really bad...

"Oh... uhh damn... I'm not nude I swear! I just took off my shirt because it's too damn hot here..." then she sighed in relief and turned back around.

"Okay good."

It was strange... she acted like... wait.

"Question..." I asked,

"Yeah?" She said,

But I hesitated,

"Nevermind... it's too awkward... you'll think I'm creepy or something."

"No no it's okay! You're my best friend!" She said cheerily smiling hugely.

I looked up at the ceiling to avoid looking at her face,

"How many men have you made love with?"

She was dead silent.

I looked back at her and she was flushed even deeper red now.

"You know what never mind I'm sorry I asked... that was out of line... it's just you were acting strange and I thought since we were friends it would be-"

"None."

I blinked,

"You're kidding...?"

"No... I was... waiting... for the right person... the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...

But it's obviously not gonna happen now so... that's why."

I was genuinely curious now,

"You had feelings for someone?"

"Yeah... a long time ago... back when we were kids... I had a crush on this boy... I promised myself I'd wait until then... but obviously it didn't turn out that way so yeah..."

I thought for a moment...

It was just me and Thor that she and Anna hung out with  as far as I knew...

Of course she'd go for Thor... he was strong.. brave... handsome I supposed people would consider him handsome.

He was the kind of man every straight girl wanted.

Hell even some that weren't.

Nobody would go for a scholarly type beanpole like me.

To her I was like her slightly older brother...

Destined to be stuck as her best friend, forever...

I looked at her, in her turquoise bikini that was held together by just a knot tied in the back...

Damn... that was a pity...

I sighed, and sat up,

"So are you coming?" She said,

I raised one eyebrow,

"The sun is trying to light a fire and you're asking me to join you and the others to boil alive in the ocean?"

She laughed,

"No the others are having lunch at this seafood place by the beach, except Anna and Kristoff, they're out on a sailboat somewhere, so it'd be just you and me..."

Hmm... it was tempting... anything would be good to keep from burning alive to a crisp, and I was kind of bored being holed up in this hotel room all day.

But I was still agitated that she had a crush on Thor and never told me... I thought best friends were supposed to tell each other stuff like this?

You never told her you loved her, how's that for double standards, why should she tell you stuff like this when you won't even tell her? I thought,

Because I didn't wanna scare her off... shut up brain.

So I shook my head,

"No... I'm okay... I think I'll just read."

She shrugged,

"Suit yourself."

And then she was gone...

I shrugged and started reading this book I had packed that she had gotten me for Christmas last year of a giant encyclopedia type book of earth's natural history, she thought I'd find it interesting... and surprisingly she was right.

About 20 minutes later I get a text message from her...

I ignored it at first, assuming she was trying to beg me to join her again, but then my iPhone dinged again signaling another message had arrived and I groaned, turning over to open my phone.

Whoa...

It was a selfie, as midgardians called it...

But she was naked as the day she was born. It wasn't showing much, just her head neck and shoulders... but damn.

My hand covered my mouth in shock.

"Uhh..." I murmured,

Wrong person...? I texted back,

It was quiet for a moment, then...

You think so? 😘

No fucking way... now she was just messing with me.

Rude.  I texted back,

It's only rude if you didn't feel the same way... you wouldn't have asked earlier if you weren't curious... now get down here 😈

Damn. Caught red handed.

Thats mean...  and anyways I'm not up for some one night stand with my best friend okay... if you don't like me that way I'd rather not ruin what we have going on here thank you for the offer though. 😒

I hated to do that... but I wasn't up for heartbreak... I had dealt with enough of that to last two or three lifetimes.

Oh come on... you really think this is about a fling? You gotta give me a little more credit than That Lo...

I huffed,

I know who you were referring to when you said that earlier... and I'm not up for rebound I'm sorry.

I turned off the ringer, assuming that she would give up and I could finish reading the page I was on at least and then hop in the shower and maybe relive this ache in my-

But then immediately I get a text notification

Clearly you don't if you honestly think Thor is my type... you know me better than that... 😒

I was really annoyed now, why wouldn't she just stop... it almost hurt having to do the right thing for once in my life...

Then it's somebody else... either way I'm not interested...

I immediately got a text,

Its you you idiot... it's always been you... god for someone who's supposed to be so smart you really are clueless...

I dropped my phone in shock,

What...?

Then she sent another of those dirty selfies... this one actually showing a bit of her cleavage.

I was almost salivating.

Underneath it there was a text

Now that you've got Mr. Noble Prince Charming out of your system... you ready? 😏

I gulped,

This was really happening..,

oh my Norns...

my childhood self who silently worshiped the ground she walked on rejoiced.

Be right there 😘😈

"Oh Norns what do I do?!?" I hissed under my breath,

I mean I had made out and made love with girls before... and a couple guys along the way as well...

But my heart always came back to her...

She was my dream girl.

My mother would tell fairytales to Thor and I when we were children, and I always pictured her in my mind...

Obviously now that we were grown it was a LOT different... it was more than just pure innocent puppy love now...

Of course it wasn't as pure as it was when we were children.

Now carnal lust was involved too.

I groaned, disgusted with myself... she deserved better...

She deserved better than a villain, former or not.

But I wasn't going to pass this opportunity up either.

I had waited too damn long, and I had neglected my needs for too long over the past few years to turn back now.

So if she wanted me to be her first... she'd have me...

As long as she wanted me I'd stay with her.

I gulped, I was as giddy as a young boy again,

I stepped out of my shorts and into the blinding light outside.

[housebeleren]

War of the Spark Commander Cards

Now that I’ve taken a look at the Legendary Creatures for War of the Spark, it’s time to look deeper and see if there are any other cards in this set for Commander. (Spoiler alert: there are.)

Since there are a lot of them, I’m going to do this quick, first impression style, with what pops into my head. I’ll try to touch on cards that I think do have lots of potential, as well as cards that look like they should but probably don’t. So let’s take a look!

Superfriends? I mean, he’s got the Ajani Steadfast ability, so yay redundancy? If you want two of these effects and have the colors for it, go for it because the other abilities are so-so at best.

I love this. It’s like two hate cards in one! Shut down tutors & completely obliterate Graveyard strategies. Even if you only activate Ashiok once, the main job is done, but it’s clearly a better card if you can keep it around.

This is going to be a powerhouse in 60 card formats, but is a little iffier in Commander, just given the giant range of CMCs in the format. That said, it can be a nice silver bullet for when you need it, and gives some monocolor decks access to removal they wouldn’t have otherwise, so I can definitely see this showing up in mono Red, Blue, or Black decks, in particular.

Enough other people have talked about this card already, so you don’t need me to do it. It’s going to see play, I think it’ll just take some time to find the perfect home for it. One interaction I’m particularly fond of is with Circu, Dimir Lobotomist, because you can exile excess lands off the top of your own library to keep the card train flowing.

Most of this cycle are purely Limited fodder, but I think there’s some potential here. For one mana over Call to Mind, you get double the effect, with the downside that you don’t get to keep bringing this card back for extra shenanigans. If it weren’t for the exile clause, I’d call this a slam dunk, but as it is I think it will find some homes.

I mean, sure. It’s a lot of action for one card, but realistically most of the time you’d rather just have a full sweeper. Ten bucks says this gets reprinted in a Commander deck release within the next 3 years, because this is the kind of shit they love.

For the most part, I’d rather just play Torch of Defiance, which gives you a lot more option for your mana. But if you think you can protect her long enough to get to the ultimate, that’s pretty awesome card advantage for Red. Or if you think you’re going to want to run her in a Doubling Season build.

This is so fucking cool. I’ve seen decks run Ever After before, and this is along those lines, but with a lower floor and a higher ceiling. Obviously, the dream is to prevent the damage altogether, but even if you’re getting a few pieces back and losing 10-15 life, that can be worth it. I like the potential to assemble combos out of opponents’ graveyards, and I definitely think there will be decks that find a use for this.

Were you looking for another Blood Artist effect? Well, you got one, and it comes with a relevant creature type attached as well. Sure, it only works on your creatures, like Zulaport Cutthroat, but this will see play for sure. 

Interesting side note, I think this is the first time I’ve seen templating for Planeswalkers “dying.” Kinda a flavor miss, because losing all loyalty doesn’t really represent death, it just represents the planeswalker peacing out and leaving you to deal with your own bullshit. But whatever, it’s clean templating.

This seems destined to be a staple, and another one I’m guaranteeing will show up in a precon Commander deck within the next few years. Yes, it’s a little expensive for creature removal, but mana hungry decks will play it.

Three thoughts. One, even without having a Bolas out, getting your third and fourth best cards back from your Graveyard can still be totally awesome in a deck that can easily get stuff put in the grave. Two, in a Bolas-themed deck, this is a slam dunk. Three, mono Black decks might like this in any case, because normally they can only grab creatures, and this allows for all card types, which is pretty unique.

Okay, four thoughts. Seb McKinnon is a gem, and I can’t even express how happy I am that they’ve been letting him move into more conceptual, less literal pieces in the past few years. This plus Deathsprout in the same set? We don’t deserve it.

This just seems super efficient, even though it misses some problematic permanents. You won’t have trouble finding targets in EDH. I’m sold.

Bitterblossom occasionally sees play. You really want to have a use for the one token per turn to make this worth it, because the extra +1/+1 counter is much less relevant in the format. If you desperately need consistent sac fodder generators, this can be some good redundancy for you.

For the most part, this feels like a strictly Limited Uncommon, but I do think there’s one archetype that might have a home for it, and that’s go-wide Zombie decks. It’s not uncommon for Zombie decks to rack up huge numbers of Zombie tokens, and giving them all flying can be a game-winning proposition. I’d expect to see this in some builds of Varina, Gisa & Geralf, or maybe even Grimgrin.

These two cards belong in exactly the same decks. Superfriends decks & +1/+1 counters decks. They’re a touch flimsy, but they’ll each do solid work.

I’m just going to use this card to represent the entire cycle. All 5 of these cards have potential homes in EDH, it really just depends on the individual deck. None of them are the best at what they do for X<10, but they’re all insane if you can cross that 10 mana threshold. 

For a color combination that’s usually majorly struggling with replenishing their hand, this card has real potential. I like that it’s completely card-neutral, as it even replaces itself, so you’re never really down. Instant speed also goes a long way, and I can imagine tons of Boros decks wanting this.

How nice of these cards to come so close in the alphabet to each other! I’m putting them together because it’s obvious. These are both for the same deck, and that deck is Superfriends. Interplanar beacon may not be right for all builds, but I can’t imagine any Superfriends build not wanting Ignite.

Y’all know I’m always down for more Jace in my life, so this really shouldn’t come as a surprise, but I am super down for this card. Having a second Laboratory Maniac is phenomenal, and the fact that he can trigger that last card draw himself to win is just icing on the cake. Any deck that wants Lab Man will probably be interested in this.

I am generally very down on Karn in Standard & Limited, but he actually has a lot of potential in Commander. First, he completely shuts off opposing mana rocks, which is huge, but he also turns off a number of extremely problematic Artifacts, like Isochron Scepter. And given how many decks have crucial Artifacts as part of their win-con packages, he can also come in and retrieve those cards from exile, which can often be devastating. All that action can definitely make him worth considering for Artifact builds like Daretti or Breya.

This may seem strange, but there are already G/U decks that run big monsters as their main thing, and many of them would happily draw a card off of each one they land. Kiora comes down cheap, and helps you ramp into these leviathans, then rewards you for doing so. I’m into it.

I mean, is there any doubt? Liliana has a massive effect on the board, and makes sure you’re always drawing cards as your things naturally die. I can see tons of black decks being into this, to say nothing of the Zombie builds where this is a perfect fit.

I figured this was worth mentioning, even though there’s really only one deck that I think would be interested, and that’s Lord Windgrace. Okay, and maybe Omnath, Locus of Rage, now that I think about it more.

I actually think this little guy has a lot of potential in the right builds. For one, he’s a twist on a Blood Artist effect, particularly if your deck is built around sacrifice loops. But he also has the side effect of punishing your opponents, even just as they try to use their fetch lands. You can snipe away opposing mana dorks, or just go to the face repeatedly. There’s a lot of potential in this seemingly innocuous Uncommon.

I suspect this pick will be one very few people share with me, but I remember when Leovold, Emissary of Trest was a thing, and Narset is basically the important half of that. This + a wheel is an enormous blow to all your opponents in one fell swoop, and I can definitely imagine big wheels decks wanting this.

First person to cast this on Expropriate is my personal hero. That’s all.

I think it’s pretty clear that this is the best version of a Bolas Planeswalker that’s ever been printed, and that alone makes this a contender for many casual EDH decks. In a Superfriends build that can run him, it’s just bonkers. The play line of Doubling Season into Samut the Tested into this is a very viable win condition for such a deck. (Despite the flavor fail.)

For Standard, all of these modes might be useful, but for EDH I’m really only looking at the middle two. Grabbing back up to four permanents from the Graveyard is huge, and decks that want to proliferate will be more than happy to do so 4 times.

Ral is always pretty clear what deck he belongs in, and it’s usually Spellslinger. Being able to copy spells on his -2 is pretty big game, especially if you pair him up with extra turn effects. And it’s definitely possible to assemble a game winning combo with him. All you need is two spells that can copy each other, and one initial spell to get the ball rolling. That’s totally doable.

If your favorite deck is mono-White and your meta is full of multicolored cards, this could be worth considering. But outside of those conditions, I’d skip it.

This card goes in Breya. And Jhoira. And other degenerate Artifact decks.

Honestly, my favorite place for this iteration of Sarkhan is in a Superfriends deck as a way to alpha strike out of nowhere. Seriously, that +1 threatens a ton of damage if you’re running lots of Walkers, and he makes phenomenal tokens to protect them with. Seems great.

I can’t imagine a Voltron deck anywhere that doesn’t want this. Yes, it restricts you from casting Creatures or Planeswalkers even on your next turn, but if you only care about your General getting through, this is phenomenal. I immediately put this in my Taigam, Ojutai Master deck, and I bet it has homes in plenty more.

God what is with all the boardwipes in this set? Well, Wave of Reckoning is a thing, and this is easier to cast in Boros, so why not?

Sorin does so many things that W/B decks want to do. I can imagine decks like Ayli or Karlov wanting to run this for sure, as easy ways to gain lots of life. Then the fact that he can recur cheap creatures ties in perfectly. He’s not a slam dunk for every deck, but he’s a value machine in the decks that want him.

I immediately slammed this into my Aminatou, the Fateshifter deck, because now I have a second way to do infinite flickering. Beyond that, I’m sure there are many decks that would be interested in a clone that can copy Planeswalkers as well, though I do wish it weren’t restricted to ones you control.

Tamiyo is interesting, since her +1 seems like it would generally be awful in a singleton format. But then, there are a lot of decks that actually want things in the graveyard, like Sidisi, Brood Tyrant. And then, the fact that she’s got the Eternal Witness effect makes me stay curious. Finally, incidentally shutting off things like Fleshbag loops & forced discard makes Tamiyo a pretty intriguing package of useful effects. I’m willing to give her a try.

Teferi, Mage of Zhalfir sees play basically on his static ability alone, so having that already makes this a card worth considering. My hunch is he’s a little too flimsy to make waves in EDH, but there’s probably an interested deck somewhere.

Tezzeret is not as good as people think he is, but Breya will still be interested, because she’s interested in anything degenerate to do with artifacts.

In case you’ve got that one friend who only has one deck and it’s Superfriends, this is his wakeup call to make another fucking deck.

I seriously can’t with all the board wipes in this set. I suppose this one is fun if you have a creature you really don’t want to lose for good.

There are some Green creature decks that can do some crazy shenanigans operating entirely at Instant speed, and those decks will be more than happy for Miss Vivien to drop on by. The rest of her text is mostly ornamental.

Vivien’s Arkbow may be a mediocre in Limited, but it has potential to be the real deal in EDH. Discarding a card is a real cost, but if you can reliably activate this for at least 6, you’re likely to hit every single time. And that’s not bad.

So that’s it. Those are most of the cards I expect to have an impact on Commander decks. Sure, there are likely a few I missed, but they’ll make themselves known eventually. What decks are you going to slot these cards into?

[sanctimoniousscrawlings]

How I Fell in Love with the Sun and Other Tales of Woe

Chapter 1 // Day 1 // Aether

    The scent of the forest wafts throughout the garden, mingling with lavender, peppermint, chamomile, and black tea. I breathe it all in, lying on a stone bench with earbuds in and staring at the sky. I’ve got an hour left before I need to head to school.     It’s been three years since I’ve received the official letter, telling me to move to this town and attend The Academy (which is simultaneously the most needlessly ominous and excessively bland name for a school I have ever heard). I’ve received no instructions since then and at this point can only assume they’ll come this week or the final day of school.     My phone vibrates in my pocket but instead of answering, I sit up and pour myself another cup of tea before carefully placing the teapot back on the tea tray on the ground. I take another sip of tea and only then do I deign to check.     It’s Ness. Her shift at The Night Owl has ended and she wants to meet early before class starts. I agree to meet up with her and put my tea tray away inside then spread royal blue wings (that of a Rhetus Periander), taking off in flight.

    Trees sail by me as I fly toward the meeting spot, the rich scent of the forest filling each breath I take. Among the tall oaks and birches is a marble gazebo beneath a massive weeping apricot tree. Upon seeing me, Ness steps out from the gazebo, her hair like brilliant flames twisting in the breeze. Her eyes were forest green, luminescent in the morning light and made brighter by her pale skin and freckles.     Cackling, I loop my arms around her in an embrace as I land pretty much tackling her to the ground.      I roll off of her, helping her up while we both laugh. “Look at you- out here lookin’ like a Celtic goddess ‘n shit. I couldn’t resist knocking you from your pedestal.”     “Ugh, I missed you, ho. Man, you’ve really gotta get your rage toward her imperious maliciousness out. How’s that going by the way?”     I crack my knuckles behind my head, stretching, and start walking toward the road leading to the school. “Plans within plans, baby. I’ll knock her off her false throne by winter break.”     “Can I finally be in on this? I’ve got some bones to pick with her.”     “Absolutely. I think we can probably get at least 60 people together to take a stab at little miss Cesar.”     “Please tell me you’re literally planning on getting 60 people together to stab her. That would be so much more satisfying than the political intrigue I’m certain you’re gonna go for.”     “You know I don’t like actual violence unless it’s absolutely necessary.”     “She has half the school hypnotized. Evil witches get stitches.”     “Or,” I stretch the word, “we could break the hypnosis. I found a spell- it’s advanced magic, but I’m like 85% sure we can easily tackle it together. We’d need a third person, though. Know anyone skilled enough?”     “No one comes to mind- but then most of the spellcasters at school kind of hate me, so...”     “They don’t hate you, they’re intimidated. Few people can cast major spells without the rites like you do this early.”      “I’m one of three humans in this school. You know most otherfolk don’t trust us; my skill level just makes it worse.”     We get to the road and I’m about to ask how her trip home went when a black Jaguar zooms past us towards the school. The driver, Abby, screams something unintelligible- likely something rude- and cackles. Her poor boyfriend beside her stares ahead blankly.     "Speak of the devil. I see she's still a raging c-" Vanessa starts before a pickup honks behind us, burying the end of that sentence.     "Get in losers, we're going shopping!" It's Robin. His green eyes were lit with mischief and he had his thick black hair cut to a militaryesque fohawk since I'd last seen him. "C'mon, I'll drive y'all the rest of the way in."     "Sure!" I say before I can stop myself.     I catch the look Ness gives me as if to say When did you two become friends?   "It was a long summer," I say simply, shrugging.    "Clearly," the displeasure in her tone is enough to make me reconsider, but she tosses her things into the bed of the truck anyways.    She sits in the middle before I can pseudo-casually get there myself. He, of course, misconstrues this for interest and grins at her. "And how are you, gorgeous girl? My friend here treating you right?" He asks, winking at me. I melt.     She side eyes me knowingly and it makes me uncomfortable.     "Well, let's get goin'," I chuckle nervously. "Oh, Robin, this is Vanessa. Ness, this is Robin."     "We're acquainted," she mutters.     "I mean, we did have Chemistry together," he states, matter-of-factly.     "Ooh, chemistry?" I inquire, waggling my eyebrows with a mischievous grin. "Oh, do tell."     "Yes. But it was just that one class. And you destroyed the lab," she continues for him. "Worst lab partner. 11/10 would trade you away again."     "Wait that was you?" I ask, poorly attempting to stifle laughter.     "I'd like to take credit but it wasn't on purpose. A certain someone's handwriting-"     "Say no more, I get it," I laugh out. Ness narrows her eyes at me and I shrug at her. "You know your handwriting is an atrocity marring the entire human race. You may create beautiful images on canvas but your penmanship leaves something to be desired."     "Would you say it's something like... legibility?" Robin asks, voice dripping with mock innocence and we both crack up.     "It's gotten better, though," she mumbles, chagrined.     "I know, I know.  I still love you anyway." I kiss her on her forehead as we pull into a parking space.    "Well, we're here. I'll see you in class?" Robin gives me a look I can't quite decipher- a feat which terrifies me to the core. There’s never a moment I don’t know what the people around me are feeling. It’s my curse.    "Yeah, thanks for the ride! See ya!" I get out and grab my bag then Ness follows suit and we walk inside.    "I would just like to point out that the awkwardness of that entire ordeal was tangible. Like, I'm pretty sure if I had reached out I could have snatched it from the air. I probably should have." I feel the acidic green waves of jealousy pulsing out from her.     "I dunno. I think you guys would get along if you gave him a chance." I'm ignoring her point and we both know it.     "Guuurrrl. We are gonna have to have some words about that boy. Don't trust him, he's awful."     "I'm not allowed to have other friends now?"     "Friends. Uh-huh." She lengthened the grunt to make it clear she didn't believe me.     "I'm not gay."     "I thought your kind doesn't believe in sexual orientation."     "We don't. In fact, I don’t like men or women, so I have even less of an orientation. Hey, look, our lockers." I open mine, blocking her view of my face. This isn't a conversation I want to be having. "Hey, what's this? I pull an envelope from the locker, the only words on it say 'Game On.'     "Don't change the subject, she says. Not even bothering to look. "You aren't getting out of this."     I'm not paying attention, though. I open the letter, the locker door still blocking her view.  In an elegant script, the note reads:  

    7 others attending the academy. Figure out their identities. Good luck, chumps.

   This is so stupid. Whatever; it will be a cinch.     "Hey, are you listening?"     I put the letter away before she can peer around the door.     "Yeah. You don't like him and erroneously think I want the D. Not just any D, but his specifically. Don't you have to prep your art station? Find me when you want to talk about something else." I slam the locker and walk away. It's harsh but now I'm on a mission and, unfortunately, I think I know who my first suspect is.

    I spend the first two periods trying to use my empathic abilities to figure out if anyone is feeling something unusual or potentially related to the first task. There are many nervous students- nervous about grades, about college, about dating, but not the Novae. Most of the students just seem to be half asleep and wanting to be anywhere else.     By third period, I’m way too exhausted to read Robin- who is now my lab partner for one of the many science/magic crossover classes. I open my textbook, The Science of Chemistry and Art of Potion Making, to work on the assigned tincture.     Towards the end of class, Robin slides me a notebook- the page it was opened to reading: 90% sure potion making does not qualify as art. It’s more sciencey than chemistry.     Agreed. I feel like it’s almost like being a pharmacist, I write.     He pulls the notebook back, giving it a strange look. I see I’ve traded up as far as lab partners go. Your penmanship is tight, my dude. You’ve got preschool teacher grade handwriting.     That is, I pause to think before continuing, the strangest compliment I have ever received from another guy.     Does that mean you’ve received a stranger one from a girl?     My best friend is Ness.     Valid point. I’ve gotta know what it was.     “I would not want to face you in a war.”    I pushed the note back to him. After a moment of watching him hold it out of the corner of my eye, I swivel my head to see his face had turned beet red and tears were forming in his eyes from trying to shove down the laughter.     Rolling my eyes, I grab it back and write, first of all how dare you. I’ll have you know I am an excellent tactician.    Upon reading this, he completely loses it and the bell rings. “Maybe- May- Maybe on something like Big Brother.” He struggles to get the words out through his laughter.     “First rule of conquering a country: take out its leaders. Assassination is smarter than marching a platoon in.”     “I thought you were nonviolent, like as part of your religion.”     “That’s offensive; I’m an atheist. I just dislike violence- and I never said the assassination had to be literal. You can assassinate someone’s reputation, then you can replace them with a puppet ruler when they’re removed.”     “And if they are removed violently? Plus, that could take years.”     “I didn’t have a direct hand in it and my conscience is clean. I didn’t choose the method of removal, only that it eventually happens. I prefer to play the long game.”     “That’s a little morally grey coming from you.”     “There is no honor in war- plus I like to toe the line. No one interesting was ever lawful good.”     “You’ve been playing with too many shitty paladins.”     “Holy hell, you got that reference. And expanded on it with a valid retort. I’m shook.”     “You play those games with my roommates a lot and Josh only ever plays ‘awful good’ characters. I’m planning on joining you guys and trying it out when you start your next campaign. I kind of wanna see you play a charisma based character so I can see this nonviolent tactical brilliance you speak of. I can totally see you as a bard. We’ll give you an electric lute and call you General Shredder.”     “Given that I am basically already a bard, that would defeat the purpose of the roleplaying game. Besides, I’d have to be a rogue with high charisma to make my methods work and it’s gonna be my turn to gm anyways.”     “Fair. Think you could convince Ness to join?”     “If I did manage to she’d likely play a barbarian or monk and attack all the things. ‘You come to a fork in the road.’ ‘I punch it.’” I crack up at the thought.      “Alternatively, she gets to the fork in the road and tries to intimidate it into telling her where to go.”      “Tries? Girl would probably nat 20 on every intimidate check she makes. Nothing else, just intimidate. That fork in the road just wet its metaphysical underoos. You know what? I’ll try. She’ll break the game, but it will be glorious.”     The minute bell rings and we part ways in the hall, our laughter echoing between us.    

[ronaldmrashid]

How To Prepare For World War III: Survival And Money Advice

Once the first dirty bomb detonates in San Francisco, fake news king Mark Zuckerberg has 700 acres of Kauai lands to retreat to (as soon as he gets done suing the native Hawaiians out of their ancestral lands). Mark’s plan to build a wall all along his property to keep the locals out is smart because you know they’ll pound the shit out of him at first sight.

Even Mark’s buddy, Facebook board member and early investor, Peter Thiel has a private jet gassed up and waiting to fly his family and friends to the most expensive place in the world, New Zealand, if World War III ensues. Ah, how nice it is to be a billionaire!

But what about the rest of us poor saps who can’t afford to pillage indigenous people or cough up $20,000 an hour for a 12-hour Gulfstream 650 flight to New Zealand? Are we commoners screwed? Heck no! We must stand our ground and fight for our freedom as the ungodly rich flee. If we are to emerge victorious, then we can rebuild our own empires and permanently ban those cowards who left us when we needed their resources the most.

Preparing For World War III

Let’s hope we have peace on Earth or at least peace in a protected America. International unrest seems to be rising to new heights. But just in case the world goes to hell, here are some things I’m planning on doing and so should you.

1) Be as fit as I was in high school. Now is the time to stop making excuses about physical fitness. At 5’10” and ~168 lbs, I’m overweight according to my doctor and all online research. I used to tell myself that because I play so much tennis, my quads and calves are so much bigger and heavier than the average person. But I know this is bullshit because I was a cut 150 – 155 lbs in high school and my legs were just as big.

It’s important to be as lean as possible when you’re chasing down an intruder or running away from an angry mob. I plan to make sure I can run three consecutive miles in 18 minutes or less because I’m only about two miles away from the ocean where I can take cover among the sea people. Make sure you are fit enough to run non-stop to your closest safe zone!

Here are two weight charts to see if you’re a healthy weight. If you’re not, then at least make sure you can complete the distance and time requirements.

Ideal Weight Chart For Men

Ideal Weight Chart For Women

2) Reinforce my secret room. Do you remember watching Wes Craven’s 1991 film, The People Under The Stairs? It’s as good as watching The Exorcist as a kid. Nightmares galore! You’ll learn from the movie that everybody should build a secret room where nobody can find them. Your secret room should have electrical outlets for a mini fridge, microwave, router, CCTV, laptop, and cell phone. You should be able to live in your secret room for at least a month to let any sort of nuclear radiation thin out a little. If your enemy is camped outside, the longer you can hold out, the higher the chance for survival as they move on to their next victims.

Don’t forget to build a ventilation system and reinforce the entry way with steel rebar. The biggest risk to a secret room is that it gets discovered. Your enemies could smoke or burn you out, so consider having some type of anti-fire device, and definitely keep several oxygen masks as well.

Scare your intruders to hell!

A wonderful panic room 13 feet below the ground with private keycard access.

An efficient secret room that can house 6 uncomfortably

Ventilation is huge in case your enemies plan to smoke you out

Probably the best secret room entrance in the world

3) Train in hand-to-hand combat and firearms. Now is the time to watch every single Youtube video there is about how to use a knife and a gun. Take classes in hand-to-hand combat as well. Focus on chopping the person’s throat, elbowing the solar plex, and kneeing the groin. If you can grab a hold of your assailants pink, bend it backwards until it snaps.

I studied martial arts for years growing up in Asia so don’t f with me intruders! Time for everyone to brush up and get fierce!

4) Create an A-team. If it’s just you and your family, it’s going to be a little harder to survive the war compared to a hoard of 60 heavily armed people. For example, nobody is stopping Negam in The Walking Dead, even though all he has is a baseball bat. In order to build a team, you’ve got to make a pact before anything happens. That means reaching out to your nearby friends and sharing your contingency plan with them. Maybe they’ll think you’re crazy, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

You don’t want to be that dumb ass who connects over LinkedIn or sends an e-mail out of the blue when you just lost your job or want something. You need to be maintaining relationships long before something bad happens!

If your house gets overrun, you need to be able to flee to a friend’s place. I have one friend who lives 2.5 miles away who has already built a panic room with a 6-inch reinforced steel door. The importance of being fit enough to run nonstop to your closest ally cannot be underestimated.

5) Set up a proprietary communication system. If either my wife or I am ever captured, we have a secret code word we will use if ever we get to speak again. A lot of times captives are forced to speak under duress (e.g., gun to head, knife to throat), hence, if for some reason I can’t detect the worry in her voice, she’ll use one of several secret words to signal her true situation. We also have a secret place to leave a message on the internet. In the event that all electronic communication is lost, we will leave little clues in the real world.

Finally, I will leave clues on Financial Samurai about my whereabouts. The clues will be on the homepage somewhere on the sidebar or in the footer.

Resistance is not futile!

If World War III Doesn’t Happen, What To Invest?

The chance of WWIII is pretty low, but it’s a good idea to prepare anyway. In the more likely event that our global politicians just play chicken with our lives, here are the financial moves I’ll be more eager to make.

1) Worst case scenario: hoard real assets. Money means nothing during a world war because governments will proceed to crank up the printing press to fund their army, thereby causing inflation. Sometimes there’s hyperinflation, as in the case with Germany post World War I.

Post World War I, the German mark fell from 4.2 marks to 8.91 marks per dollar. But paying for war reparations caused an economic collapse with the exchange rate rising to 4,200,000,000,000 marks per dollar by the end of 1923. The rate of inflation was 3,250,000% per month! By mid-1923 workers were being paid as often as three times a day. As soon as the workers got paid, they’d rush to buy some goods before their cash became worthless.

Real assets to consider hoarding include property, gold, silver, copper, oil, steel, cars (yes, even cars), weapons, watches, canned food and shoes. Depending on how bad things get, you want to own all the assets that money needs to buy for you to live a comfortable life. Since cash becomes useless, it’s important to have real things to barter with.

Kids piling up bricks of cash in Germany due to hyper-inflation

The minimalist who rents and owns nothing will be screwed. S/he will be a slave to the asset lords.

Related: The Inflation Interest Rate Paradox: Why You Must Continuously Invest

2) Bad scenario: buy the most sovereign bonds possible. If things don’t get too bad (no hyperinflation), then consider buying bonds from the country you think will come out a winner. At least buy bonds in a country that you believe will pay back its debt. The most sovereign country is usually the United States because we have the biggest army, the deepest financial system, and a world currency.

During the 2008-2009 financial crisis, the U.S. dollar gained against the world because the world found relative sanctuary in U.S. assets even though many Americans were freaking out about whether they’d have a job the next week! Remember, everything is relative when it comes to investing.

If the Chrysler building in Manhattan blows up tomorrow, stocks will tank and Treasury bonds will surge as investors flee riskier assets. Emerging markets will probably sell off harder than the S&P 500 as well. Don’t forget the fear of contagion that wrecked the Asian economies in 1997.

I’ve been personally loading up on municipal bonds after the 10-year bond yield hit 2.5%. It’s my way of building a hedge and earning a 3%+ tax-free yield.

3) Uncertain scenario: hoard cash. If we’re just going through temporary uncertainty before we clearly know the devil, then it’s best not to take excess risk. Most politicians are rational, therefore, they can’t go crazy with their policies out of fear they’ll be overthrown.

Hoarding cash is the easiest and most logical move to make during times of uncertainty. Paying down debt without fully paying off debt is the wrong move because liquidity is most valuable during times of uncertainty. The more liquid you are, the more choices you have.

After making relatively aggressive investments in real estate crowdsourcing and municipal bonds since the end of November 2016, I’m back to prioritizing cash. I’ll still try and invest at least $20,000 a month in various instruments if my income is willing, but every dollar after that will now be hoarded until another panic event happens e.g. Brexit.

Sleep With One Eye Open

If the world is coming to an end, your number one goal is to survive until the chaos clears. Think long and hard about what you’d do in case a dirty bomb goes off in your city. Nothing so calamitous will probably happen, but that’s what most people thought before WWII began!

Readers, what are you doing to prepare for a potential World War III? Do you find the latest political rhetoric concerning? Or do you think the people will rise up to overthrow a government if the government goes too far? What are you doing with your money?

from http://www.financialsamurai.com/how-to-prepare-for-world-war-iii-survival-and-money-advice/