#then they had lev and wonder how the fuck he came out the way he did LOL

[cranberryjuice-posts]

-be still my foolish heart-

Pairings - Abby Anderson x fem! Teacher! Reader

Synopsis - rejoining the firefly’s has given Abby a chance to finally find love. Once she has she has no idea what to do with it.

An - HOZIER HOW I LOVE UR MUSIC

Cw - fluff to smut

Starting over wasnt easy. Anyone could testify to that.

Abby let out a deep sigh running a hand down her face. For the past year Abby had been readjusting to life, a former life she had long forgotten. Lev was helpful Sure but she didn’t know what to do with herself.

After becoming a firefly she had finally built up enough courage to admit that she herself was really only interested in Women.

But what made matters worse was you. Ever since that day in the infirmary where you helped Abby and lev recover You’ve just plagued the poor girls mind.

Washing her face Abby headed down stairs. Turning around the corner she almost fell, standing in the kitchen was you. Laughing with lev, coffee mug in and hand wearing Abby’s shirt— ONLY Abby’s shirt.

Looking over your shoulder you smiled at the blonde “morning, I made tea? Want some”

“Sure..” she mumbled walking towards the other side of the counter, where lev stood. You happily turned walking to the stove to pour Abby a glass.

With your back turned, abby grabbed levs hand dragging him into another room. “Why the hell is she here?!” She whispered yelled.

“She came by last night drunk, threw up on herself so I offered her one of your shirts I didn’t think it’d be a problem” he just shrugged his shoulders not really caring.

Abby however did. “Lev im going to beat your ass”

“It’s not That big of a Deal” lev continued on his stance, just as Abby was going to respond you called for her.

“Abby!” Turning around you saw Abby back at the kitchen counter, waiting like a puppy for your next command. “Here, Two spoons of sugar and a little cream. Just like how you like it” you smiled passing the mug over.

Abby just took the cup to her mouth not saying a word, secretly she preferred her tea without any additives that but she would never tell you. “I have a favor to ask” you tilted your head some to the side.

Abby perked up looking at you once more. “Yeah?”

“So, I know you use to be apart of some group before you came here and the teenagers that I teach are starting to want to get more responsibilities and with that they need to learn to fight. I was wondering if tomorrow you would come by and help me teach my lesson on the outside and how to fight the infected”

Abby kept quiet for a few moment. Mostly in awe that you wanted to ask her out of everyone else to help teach a class. Before she could respond lev did it for her. “She’ll be there” he spoke in his usual monotone voice while taking an apple off the table, leaving the room in the process.

Your shook your head finding lev to just be entertaining. “I got confrimation from your little assistant but I need a yes from you to”

“Yeah, I’ll do it sorry I just got lost in thoight” she tried to play her embarrassment off.

“Thankyou, your doing me a huge favor” you squeezed her arms gently. “I owe you one” you continued to Hold eye contact with her. Jesus fucking Christ Abby was down bad for you. She simply nodded watching as you to left most likely to get a change of clothes.

Now standing alone in the kitchen Abby looked down at her light tea and mentally debated on how to make a good impression tomorrow.

————

Nervously Abby stood in-front of the school house. Letting out a deep sigh she walked in, seeing your back facing her she took in your appearance.

Your natural hair pulled back with a bow, paired with a pair of bellbottoms that showed off your ass and a button down. Turning around finally you waved at Abby.

Making your way over to her you hugged her sweetly. “Thank you again, really I couldn’t do this without you”

“Don’t worry about it” she gave you a half smile back, admiring your body one final time she let you drag her towards the center of the class room.

Soon the class started to fill up, more and more kids coming in until all 15 of them were seated. “Good morning everyone” You smiled causing them to say it back.

“Today we have a Special guess Ms. Anderson, now I know you all want to go out and fight Infected and help keep us all safe so I had her come in today to help teach you all how to properly take care of not only your community but also the infected outside”

The way you held yourself and instructed your class honestly made Abby’s heart soar. Just how confident yet humble you were honestly made you more attractive in her eyes. Once you finished your speech you turned to Abby, allowing her to have the floor.

She awkwardly shifted in her spot not sure how to start. “Um.. hey, so like Ms.LN said uh I’m here to help I guess teach you all about infected.”

Once her sentence ended the entire class erupted into chaos questions with a new one shouted after the other. Stepping in and calming them down a kid named Liam raised his hand. “Is it true you almost killed a pregnant woman?”

“I uh” Abby stumbled on her words. “I highly doubt that has to do with killing infected”

“Liam, this is your last warning one more time and I’m having a talk with your mother” your threat only made the boy cower and Abby become flustered.

Calming her nerves she sighed, the important thing right now was to at least impress you. “I’ve killed people. I’ve killed infected and I’ve hurt alot of people.. a lot of them—

— and I think that’s it, unless you all have questions” Abby finally asked after her lecture. A few kids raised their hands asking important questions. The spotlight ended though once the bell rang.

“All-right everyone thats it, get out Go to lunch” You playfully yelled, saying goodbye to your students giving each their own smile. As the last one left you sat down on your desk, leaning on to Abby who still stood beside it. “They all like You”

“You think” she asked trying to ignore the growing blush on her cheeks.

“Yeah.. I know it” You mumbled taking her hand into yours. Kissing the back of her hand softly you rubbed her knuckles. “You’re coming to the party tonight right?”

Abby looked down at you embarrassed. “I mean I can, I know lev wants to go because he has this crush on a girl but I really wasn’t planing on going”

You kept quiet for a moment still holding her hand. “Well then if you’re not going, could I come by tonight and keep you company?” You sweetly asked.

If her face could of gotten redder it would of. “Yes!” She spoke a little to quickly causing you to laugh. “I’ll see you tonight Abby” you smiled looking up at her with a sense of admiration.

She nodded, awkwardly leaving the school house making you giggle.

————

You sat outside rocking gently on the swinging bench on Abby’s porch. The light from the party happening at the tavern light up the neighborhood.

“You like marshmallows right” Abby asked as she joined you on the bench, passing the cup of hot coco. You smiled taking the cup, taking a sip you let the sweet drink pass through your body.

Letting out a sigh of satisfaction you faced the blonde again. You took the quilt off your body passing it over Abby’s as well, wanting to share the body heat.

“So” you started, turning to face Abby. “You’ve been here for a year now, your hair has grown out into a cute bob and you’ve put half the men here to shame with your muscles.. so I have to ask Ms. Anderson, do You like someone?”

Abby sub consciously reached to her hair that rested just bellow her chin, she normally kept it in a bun though tonight a few strands weren’t wanting to cooperate. She cleared her throat not sure how to respond. “I guess so” she managed out. “I mean I do like this girl but I doubt she’d like be back”

“And Why’s That” You asked leaning into her. “And it’s a girl? Is this you coming out to me Abby” you softly teased.

“Shut up” she chuckled. “Yes it’s a woman and yes I guess technically this is me telling you I like women, more then men at least”

“And Why do You think she doesn’t like you?” You set your cup on the table in front of you before laying your head on your arms on the back of the bench.

Abby just sighed. “Well for starters shes Just beautiful, I mean really she’s just… wow— you know” she smiled sweetly at her mug.

“Yeah?” You playfully flirted.

“Oh yeah, I mean she’s just astonishing, and the nicest woman I’ve ever met. She holds herself with such confidence and grace that honestly she was probably royalty in another life” Abby continued with a foolish smile that was eventually replaced with a more remorseful look. “But I did some not so ok stuff in my past, and if she found out I don’t think she could ever look at me the same”

“Like What?” You asked not thinking that it could be any worse than anyone else. “We’ve all killed people abs, whatever you did it couldn’t of been that bad”

Abby hesitated, to tell you meant telling you all the bad shit she’s done. Closing her eyes she let out a deep breath before speaking.

“I beat a man to death with a golf club because he killed my dad and took away the only man who could of made a cure for the infection then his brother and some girl came after me, killed all my friends. I slept with my friends boyfriend, I shot the brother of the man I killed and beat the girl almost to death, I almost killed her pregnant girlfriend and shot this guy who was with them then I left the group I was with at the time and ran away with lev”

The silence was over whelming. She squeezed her cup in shame regretting even opening her mouth. The silence was replaced however with laughter. Finally looking up Abby looked over seeing how you laughed like nothing happened.

You continued to silently giggle before leaning your head back, looking over at Abby you gave her a dumb smile. “Really? That’s it?”

She just looked at you confused. How could you be so laid back after she told you something so traumatic. “Abby why would I ever care about you killing someone? So what you killed a man that killed your dad, sounds fair. You also got vengeance for your friends, again sounds fair; though the sleeping with your friends boyfriend I’m not sure about that”

Abby felt her face turn red. Looking back down embarrassing she fumbled her words trying to explain. “Look it wasn’t like that, we dated when we were kids and it ended messily. We got into an argument and were just mad at each-other and the only way to express our feelings was through actions, I regretted it and it was honestly shit I hated it the entire time”

“Well as Long as you regret it then I guess there isn’t a problem” you chuckled, leaning over you tucked a stray strand of Abby’s hair behind her ear.

Subconsciously Abby felt herself leaning into you, she held her breath- not wanting the moment to end. You followed her lead tilting your head into hers.

After a short second you smiled “just kiss me already” the was the last thing spoken before Abby crashed herself into you.

Her hands instantly finding themselves on your hips and in your hair, wanting to ground herself in anyway she could. A years worth of sexual and romantic tension building up being poured out all into one kiss.

In response you picked your body up, leaning into Abby you pressed yourself against her, slowly making your way into her lap. With your knee between Abby’s legs and the once heavy quilt now falling off you both you pulled away. Breathing heavily with your lips still close you muttered against her skin “wanna take this inside?”

She quickly agreed following your lead inside, leaving everything else behind the only thing that mattered was having you both against each other. With the door shut you locked your hands into Abby’s hair, kissing her once again.

While the messy kiss continued the stronger woman helped lift you off the ground causing you to wrap your legs around her waist. With her hands on your Ass abby carried you upstairs and to her room.

Once there she gently tossed you on the bed. With how much she’s had to hear about your hookup story’s and how you wish they’d man handle you more often she had a fake sense of confidence going through her body.

You threw your shirt aside, quickly making due with the bra. The confidence broke once Abby realized this was her first time with a woman. Her first time really ever since Owen. Wanting to curl up in embarrassment Abby looked away from your breast.

You laughed noticing her shyness and the distant look of doom. “Don’t worry.. it’s not as difficult as you think” pulling her down by her shirt you gave Abby a gentle, reassuring kiss. “We’ll take it slow”

Abby just nodded, shaking the feeling away she slowly stripped off her shirt, trying to hold the intimate eye contact.

Both taking turns, each stripping out of their clothes until you both were naked all while holding eye contact. You ran a hand up Abby’s chest, giving her sensitive breast a gentle squeeze she moaned, deep and raspy.

“You make me feel good baby and I’ll make you feel like nothing else exist” you mumbled while kissing Abbys neck. She moaned in response, laying on the bed she started to kiss and grab down your body. Every piece of skin that she could touch she loved. From your collarbones, nipples and to your stomach she sweetly kissed.

You took a hand, lacing it into Abby’s now messed up hair. Once she reached between your thighs she was already on her knees admiring what laid between.

“God” she groaned tucking her face into your plush thigh. Kissing it softly she slowly made her way towards your soaking cunt. Your stomach tensed, the teasing feeling of her lips dragging across your skin only riling you up more.

Moving her head towards your core by her hair you let out a small whine. “Please”

You opened your eyes to look down at her, she hadn’t even touched you yet but she was already so pussy drunk. You loosened your grip on her hair as she finally brought herself to you.

She gave a kitten lick on your swollen clit, slightly insecure of her skills before actually placing herself onto your sensitive skin.

Slowly sucking on the bud Abby kept the eyecontact with you, feeling herself getting off with the faces and noises you made. Without realizing it she slid two fingers into you.

“Oh fuck, Just like That Abby” Your stomach tensing up as your chest followed your rapid breaths. You clamped your thighs around Abby’s head not sure how much more you could take. Moaning her name you started to grind your hips on her face. The smell of sex quickly over taking your senses.

With your eyes shutting and your back arcing pushing your cunt onto Abby’s tongue, chasing your high; your legs started to shake as your orgasm crashed over your body.

Relaxing and allowing Abby to pull away from you, you looked down at her with a slight chuckle. Her face red and her pupil’s dilated. “You look beautiful” You smiled tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You’re one to talk” she grinned in response, kissing you, the taste of yourself in her tongue taking over. You sat up moving back towards the bed frame before laying down again.

“Here” you gestured to your lips. Both still breathless, Abby looked at you confused until it hit her what you were signaling.

It was cute how nervous she was. Straddling your body she bent down giving you a kiss. You let out a muttered moan wrapping your arms around her. While you gently rubbed Abby’s body you helped move her up towards your lips.

Letting her grab the headboard you forced her hips down. Abby was sweet, sweeter than you expected. Her small whines and grunts made you feel like you were going insane. She was just perfect.

You ran your tongue in rhymathic circles, squeezing Abby’s thighs wanting to bring her closer if it was even possible. Her moans. Her taste. Her skin. Everything about her was perfect.

You could tell she was close, from how she gripped the board to her scrunched up face. Her moans becoming louder up until the point she held her head back.

Abby was inexperienced it was obvious from her body language, her finishing faster than you would of thought was kind of expected.

Trying to help brace her body while she came down from her orgasm you helped Move her beside you, you both just looked at one another not wanting the moment to end.

Giving her a subtle kiss on the cheek you sat up, letting out a deep breath you smiled down at Abby who was softly rubbing your arm. You could of gone for a few more rounds but Abby really just wanted to lay down. Maybe another time

After making a shower for you both and getting a drink you laid on Abby’s chest, enjoying how her stronger arms made you feel secure. Softly kissing her neck you smiled against her skin. “I love you Anderson”

Though you weren’t looking at her you could tell her face was red. “Yeah— I uh i love you to” she managed back, her arm growing tighter around you.

[burnednotburied]

Chapter 7: Lost Haven

AO3 Link | Masterlist

Pairing: Abby Anderson x fem!reader

Fic Synopsis: Abby goes looking for Owen and ends up on the wrong end of your knife.

Tags/CWs: angst; slowburn; mutual pining; enemies to friends to lovers; talks of purity culture/ideals and “sin”; internalized homophobia and some comp-het feelings (they’re both so gay but so dumb about it); animosity between WLF and Seraphites; blood/gore; descriptions of being hanged; religious/cult-like ideas; character deaths (canon AND non-canon)

Note: The last chapter was short and (mostly) sweet. This one... not so much.

Enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------------------

This was your fault.

You knew Lev was upset. You knew Yara was having trouble getting through to him. But instead of talking to him – making sure he understood exactly why none of you could go back to the island, handling the situation that was yours to handle – you’d been too busy worrying about your clothes and almost kissing Wolves.

As you raced after Yara through the dimly lit hallways of the aquarium, you silently berated yourself for getting so distracted. For losing sight of what was important. For failing to predict that Lev would do something reckless if you didn’t keep him in your sight. 

If anything happened to him, you would never forgive yourself. 

A strong gust of wind hit your face as you made it into open air, looking out on the makeshift dock where Owen’s boat floated idly. He was already out there, standing near Mel as the two of them looked out at the open water. 

Ominous dark clouds and another punishing current of air told you a storm was coming.

“Are we sure he’s heading to the island? Maybe he’s just blowing off steam,” Abby offered, attempting a comforting tone.

“No,” Yara said. The three of you joined the two others, and Yara pointed out in the same direction Owen and Mel had been looking. “That’s him. He’s definitely going to the island.”

You could just barely make out a small boat in the distance. 

“Shit,” Abby breathed out.

“What’s he doing?” Mel asked.

“He’s going after her.” Yara’s hand grasped onto the metal fence in front of her desperately.

“After who?”

“His mom,” Abby supplied.

“She’s going to kill him, Prophet! You know that,” Yara turned to you, looking devastated. Your fingers curled into tight fists, nails digging into your palms. It was true. You would have to go after him.

“Woah, wait. What? Prophet?” And then it occurred to you that that was something Owen and Mel were not aware of.

But that didn’t matter right now. 

“Your boat.” You turned to meet Owen’s wide eyes. “Does it work?”

There was a brief moment where he seemed to battle with whether or not to push about the Prophet thing, but he chose to let it go. He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“How much time do you need?” Abby asked.

“Uhhh,” he looked away, thinking. “A few hours. At least.”

“Fuck.” Abby turned to you. You were about to ask if there was somewhere else you could get a boat – and you had begun to wonder if you shouldn’t just run off by yourself and hope you came across one quickly by chance – but Abby was already thinking the same thing, already moving, already prepared to jump back into danger for you and your friends. “We’ll head him off. We’ll grab a boat from the marina–”

“Hey! She just had surgery.” Mel threw an arm out in front of Yara, who had begun to follow you, Abby, and Owen.

“I’m fine,” Yara insisted, pushing past the woman.

You paused, reaching blindly behind you to pull Abby back. 

“No, she’s right,” you said. You needed to stop and think about this before you went forward. There was no good way to go about this, but one option was definitely better than the rest. You found Abby’s eyes and realized that you had somehow gone from pulling her by her wrist to holding her hand.

You didn’t let go.

“I could use your help to find a boat, but then I need to do the rest by myself.”

Abby pulled away in shock, and her and Yara’s responses came immediately and simultaneously.

“Fuck that!”

“What? No! You can’t!”

You nodded, doubling down. This was the right thing to do. You were sure of it. “Going to the island would be deadly for anyone here except me.” Again they both tried to protest as you went on. “I know the island better than almost anyone else. On my own, there’s a good chance I could stay undetected. And even if they were to catch me, it would be fine. They don’t know that I deserted. And even if they suspected as much, I’m confident that I can convince them otherwise. Worst case scenario, they won’t kill me immediately like they would the rest of you.”

“You’re not going by yourself,” Abby said, and it was your turn to protest, but she cut you off. “Yara should stay here, but I’m going with you.”

“I’m coming too,” Owen stated matter-of-factly, just as Yara said, “I am going!”

Mel and Abby both jumped to argue with Owen. You left them to figure that out and pulled your friend to the side to talk privately.

“Yara,” you began, “stay here. Please. Help them get ready to leave for Santa Barabara. I promise I’ll bring Lev back.”

“I just–”

“Lev wouldn’t want you to get hurt. Especially not because of him.” 

Yara’s eyes went back out to the water, as if she could make him come back through sheer force of will. You wished the same. You didn’t want to go back to the island, and you really didn’t want Lev to be in danger. 

“I’ll get him. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Yara was silent for a moment as the first rolls of thunder rumbled loudly.

“I’ll stay,” she said. “But you have to agree to take Abby with you.”

“You already trust her more than me, don’t you?” Your words took on a lightly teasing tone.

“Of course not.” She gave you a small smile as, you assumed, her eyes found Abby somewhere behind you. “But you need someone to watch your back. Lev wouldn’t want you to get hurt either. And neither do I.” She stepped forward and hugged you. It was a bit awkward on your end – with you having to be careful to avoid her healing wound – but it was the first time anyone had embraced you in years. In fact, you were pretty sure the last time had been when Yara hugged you on the morning of your scarring ceremony. 

You cleared your throat. Even if emotions hadn’t already been running high, you would’ve had to swallow down some tears in that moment.

“Yara?” you said, still holding her.

“Yes?”

“When we get back, I’m really going to need you and Lev to stop calling me Prophet.” 

She let out a little laugh at that as you parted. “Deal.”

When you looked back at the other three, you found them standing in the same place you’d left them, watching you and Yara, apparently having already come to an agreement themselves. By the look on Owen’s face, it hadn’t gone the way he wanted it to.

So it would be just the two of you then.

You looked to Abby.

“Ready?”

----------------------------------------------------------------

The process of getting a boat wasn’t nearly as straightforward as Abby thought it would be. And it had taken a lot longer than she would’ve liked.

At the marina, the two of you were greeted by the sound of gunshots. She asked you to stay there, hidden near the dock, while she grabbed a boat. 

If there were WLF soldiers nearby, being spotted with you would be a problem. Your lack of facial scars meant you weren’t recognizable as a Seraphite at a glance, but you were still a stranger. She didn’t know how to explain you being with her in a way that wouldn’t bring up too many questions. All in all, it would be easier and faster for her to go alone.

You surprisingly didn’t argue with her, willing to hang back for a bit if it meant getting to the island – getting to Lev – quicker.

Abby almost immediately ran into Manny and found that the gunshots were coming from one of the trespassers who’d come out of nowhere and been hitting WLF hard the last few days. 

She didn’t get the chance to ask Manny what he meant by that. 

The trespasser shot him in the head.

But she got close enough to see him. Close enough to fight with him hand-to-hand.

It was Tommy Miller, Joel’s brother – a realization that made her worry about what these trespassers were here for and what they meant to do.

But Abby was great at setting things aside for later for the sake of focusing on one problem at a time.

And right now, she needed to get you and get to Lev. 

By that point, you’d already caught up to her – because of course you hadn’t actually stayed very far behind at all – but you still needed a boat. 

Abby found a small motorboat tied to one of the docks that proved to be in working order. She got it going, sat behind the wheel, and headed out toward the island, quickly reaching the boat’s top speed, trying to make up for lost time.

You had been silent since you got on the boat, looking out at the water. She cleared her throat, speaking loudly over the combined roar of the motor, the wind, and the water. “So how do we get to that village in one piece?”

Your eyes remained focused ahead. “There are blind spots along the coast we can boat into. From there, we’ll follow back roads.”

“They’re safe?”

“It’s the safest option we have.”

You wore the same expression you’d had since you found out Lev had run off, eyebrows drawn together, a storm in your eyes just as strong as the one in the sky. You were worried, but it was more than that. 

Abby had to call your name twice before you turned to her, reluctant to meet her eyes. “This isn’t your fault, you know.”

You shook your head once and looked back out towards the island, pointing as you began to direct her to the best entrypoint.

The island was weirdly exactly what Abby expected, given what she knew about the Seraphites, and yet seeing it with her own eyes was still shocking.  

The Washington Liberation Front used existing buildings from the Old World. SoundView Stadium and the Lakehill Seattle Hospital. Schools and office buildings. They didn’t build so much as clean, repair, and repurpose.

The Seraphites had built a whole new world on the island. Wooden structures, villages, homes, farmlands. 

It was honestly impressive.

As promised, you had been leading the way through the woods, using backroads. You had yet to run into any other people, but Lev and Yara’s village was further inland, and it was only a matter of time before it became unavoidable.

Abby wondered if you were prepared to kill your own people. And if you would hold it against her when she did, to keep you safe and to get to Lev.

You had been quiet for a while, deftly navigating through a thick stretch of forest with her following close behind. If you didn’t want to talk, she wasn’t going to force the issue.

It had begun raining a while ago, although the worst of the storm hadn’t hit yet. The outfit Mel gave you hadn’t included a jacket, and you’d left your cloak behind with the dress.

Would you be offended if she offered you her jacket? Abby wasn’t sure, but you didn’t seem to be bothered by the rain or the cold. 

At a point of higher elevation, you came to a stop, looking out onto a huge settlement in the distance along the western coast.

“Woah. Is that the village?” she asked, using one hand to shield her eyes from the rain to get a better look.

“No,” you said. “That’s Haven, our capital. And that–” You stepped closer to Abby, placing a hand on her shoulder as you shifted your weight to the tips of your toes so your eyelines were level. She leaned into the touch, bringing your faces even closer, cheeks nearly brushing. You pointed to a specific building just north of the large town. It was bigger than the rest and even from that distance, Abby could tell that it was nicer. More carefully and intentionally made and maintained.  “–That is Sanctuary. It was the first Prophet’s home and a sacred place of worship. And it’s where I lived after my scarring ceremony.”

You let several moments pass before your hand fell and you dropped back down to your heels, taking a step to the side.

Sometimes it seemed that you touched her without realizing, without meaning to. And then there’d be a moment when you’d become aware of your actions and pull away. 

She wished you wouldn’t. But now wasn’t the time for that conversation.

“The village is further east.” You turned to go, continuing back into the forest. Abby stood there for a second longer, looking out at the place you’d spent much of your life, being literally worshiped and yet entirely controlled, and she wondered how strange it must feel for you to come back now. 

“Don’t linger,” you said, turning back to find that she hadn’t moved. “They have scouts. They might see you.”

She glanced back one more time before following.

“Are you sure the Wolves are attacking tonight?” you asked, breaking several minutes of silence, both of you having been lost in thought.

She cleared her throat. “Yeah, that’s what my friend told me. They’ll use this storm as a cover for the attack. Unless Isaac changes his mind.”

“Will he change his mind?”

Abby’s gaze was locked onto the ground in front of her. “...I doubt it.”

You stopped abruptly, a gasp leaving your throat. Her eyes shot up, hand flying to her gun at her side.

“Fuck,” she breathed. 

Two WLF soldiers were dead, disemboweled in typical Seraphite fashion, one hanging from an old road sign and the other discarded on the ground like trash. They had clearly been dead for several days, but Abby pulled the gun from the holster on her right thigh anyway. Just in case.

“Did you know them?” you asked, turning to her.

“I’ve seen them around.” Abby brushed it off and kept walking, taking the lead.

“I’m sorry,” you said, running to catch up, voice sincere despite the fact that you hadn’t been the one to do it.

It’s not your fault, she wanted to say.

“It is what it is,” she said instead. And then, because she was curious, “Have you ever–?”

“No,” you said quickly and definitively. “You were supposed to be my first.” Abby felt her cheeks warm. You hadn’t meant it that way at all of course, but that’s where her mind went. She let out a weird, strangled, kind-of-coughing noise that only aided in deepening her blush. 

You went on, unaware, “It was supposed to be a big deal. They were calling it my first kill.” You sounded put off by the whole thing, like very nearly killing Abby had been so beneath you. “That’s why they were letting me off the island for the first time. Things… obviously didn’t go as the Elders planned.”

“Well I feel… weirdly honored,” she said, an attempt at lightening the mood.

“Honored that you were chosen to be my first kill? Or honored that I didn’t actually kill you?” you asked, brows slightly raised but playing along.

“Both I guess.” She shrugged as you sped up a bit so you could walk side-by-side instead of one after the other.

“Yeah well.” You bumped her gently with your shoulder. “I’m glad I didn’t kill you.”

Abby scoffed. “You were never actually going to do it.”

“Yes I was!”

She scoffed again. “Sure. If you say so, princess.”

“I absolutely was going to kill you,” you said, feigning offense. “Abby, if Lev and Yara hadn’t shown up exactly when they did, you would be so dead right now.”

She laughed lightly, shaking her head. To anyone else, this might’ve been a weird thing to joke about, but between the two of you it worked.

“You really don’t think I could’ve done it.” Your eyes were wide in realization, and now you looked like maybe you were truly offended.

“All I’m saying is,” Abby said, smiling to herself, “there seemed to be a whole lot of hesitation on your end of things.”

“Well I’m not saying that I wanted to do it,” you insisted, watching her as you walked. “I’m just saying that I could’ve.”

“Uh huh. Whatever you say.” She knew she was goading you, but it was the first time she’d seen you get anywhere close to a smile since you left the aquarium. 

“Shut up,” you mumbled harshly, whipping your head back around to face forward. 

That made Abby really laugh. She’d never heard you say anything like that before.

You were biting your tongue, trying to suppress a smile of your own.

A loud, low groaning alarm sounded out over the island, and your face instantly fell.

“What is that?”

“It’s our warning signal,” you said, pulling Lev’s bow over your shoulder and grabbing an arrow. “Your people are here. The whole island will be on alert now.”

“God damn it, Isaac,” Abby muttered to herself.

“We’ll cut through the logging camp. This way,” you took a left, leaving the path you’d been on. “We no longer have the luxury of taking the long way to stay hidden. We need to hurry.”

Abby nodded, even though you weren’t looking at her. “How many people live here?”

“Around a thousand.”

“How many soldiers?”

“More than half are trained in combat.”

“What are the other half going to do when my people get here?”

“Some will hide. Most will fight,” you said, leading the way into the nearest village.

It was empty. No one around, ready to attack.

“Where is everyone?”

“The children will have been taken to shelters as soon as the signal went off. Everyone else is probably moving towards the coast to face the Wolves.” 

The second small village you passed through was still being evacuated. As expected, when they caught sight of Abby, they attacked. In the chaos, no one seemed to get a close enough look at you to recognize who you were.

Abby fought. And killed.

You fired more than a few arrows.

And then you moved on to the next village, making a near-straight shot to where you knew Lev would be.

Abby paused just within the treeline.

In the trunk of a tree, someone had painstakingly sculpted a life-sized, hyper-realistic statue of you. Just above your head, the words “May Her light guide us” were carved. 

You stopped next to Abby, regarding the figure in your likeness for a moment.

“‘When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light,’” she said quietly. 

“What’s that?”

“Just… something my dad used to say.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, glancing down to where the trunk met the earth.

“Those are new,” you said, referring to the mass of flowers that were carefully placed around the tree.

It reminded Abby of the flowers people put near the graves and memorials of their dead loved ones. 

“It’s like they’re mourning you,” she said.

“They think I’m dead?” you asked, knowing she couldn’t have an answer. 

Abby pulled her eyes away from the intricate carving to look at the real, living, breathing version of you beside her. “Where are we going?”

Without looking away from the flowers, you said, “See that tall tower?”

“The Space Needle?”

“The what?”

“The – never mind. Yeah. I see it.”

“Head towards it.”

You knelt down, letting the fingers of your left hand graze over some of the flowers. When they landed on a daisy, you picked it up, stood, and carefully pushed it into your pocket.

She waited patiently before following you onward.

You had to get through a few more villages – and the few Scars who had been left behind to defend them – before you got to the right one.

At least Abby thought it must be the right one. Because you had come to a full stop and were staring at one specific house.

“Is that it?” she asked, putting a hand on your shoulder to bring you back down to earth.

“No,” you whispered absentmindedly. “It’s this one.” You walked towards the house across from the one you’d been staring at, bow drawn, arrow nocked.

Abby moved ahead of you and slid the door open. 

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A lit fire pit in the center of the large, open room illuminated the space in an orange glow. You stepped inside, letting your weapon fall when you saw the lifeless body in front of the fire.

It was Lev and Yara’s mother.

Blood ran from a wound in her skull, pooling on the floor beneath her.

You let out a shaky breath.

And whipped around when you heard your name uttered from an even shakier voice coming from the corner of the room.

“Lev!” He was sitting, knees up, arms wrapped around them, curled in on himself, eyes locked on his mom. “Oh thank god,” you breathed out, rushing over. You were on your knees in front of him before you saw the damage that had been done. Cuts all across his face and arms. Your heart sank even deeper. “Did she do this to you?”

Lev let out a few hiccupping breaths, still staring past you at the body. “I just tried talking to her. I tried to make her understand, but she… she just kept yelling. She started chasing me. I tried to make her stop. I was just pushing her off of me…” His volume grew, voice becoming more desperate as he tried to explain.

“Hey hey hey,” you whispered, trying to soothe, wanting to fix.

“–Then she hit the table,” he sobbed.

“Listen to me.” Your hand was on his elbow, thumb gently circling. “You were defending yourself. You did nothing wrong.” When he finally met your eyes, you wrapped your arms around him and held him as he cried, grasping onto you so tightly it took your breath away. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

You stayed there for several minutes, holding him against you, rubbing his back as he kept his face buried where your shoulder met your neck. You held him until his sobbing subsided and his breathing slowed. You remembered how Yara used to hug you when you were kids, never being the first to let go, and you hugged her little brother – your little brother – in just the same way.

You pressed a kiss to the side of his head and squeezed a little tighter.

“I wanna leave,” he said, voice muffled against you.

“Yeah, me too.” When he lifted his head, you stood, offering him a hand up. He took it and kept holding on, even once he was standing too. “Come on,” you said, motioning to the door.

Abby was there – she had been there the whole time – and her eyes looked soft and sad when they met yours.

“Hey, kid,” she said to Lev, offering him one of her handguns. You squeezed his hand one last time before letting it go so he could grab it, glad that Abby had the forethought to make sure he was armed.

He wiped his face with his shirt sleeve before taking the weapon from her. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve–”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m just glad we found you. Let’s go.”

He nodded as she turned to push the door back open. The three of you stepped back out into the rain.

“What’s happening? Wolves?” Lev asked.

“Yeah,” you said, taking the lead. “All over the island.” Your eyes caught again on the house across the way, making you pause. 

Lev stopped next to you, immediately understanding. “She’s not there.”

“I figured.”

“Do you want to go in?” he asked.

“We don’t have time,” you said, but you couldn’t turn away.

“We’re never coming back here, right?”

“God, I hope not.”

“Then let’s make time,” he said, making the decision for you as he walked over and opened the door. You followed behind him, and Abby followed behind you, not asking any questions.

The inside of your mother’s house was much the same as Lev’s and Yara’s. One large, open room on the first floor. Fire pit in the center. A ladder leading up to a loft.

It looked nearly the same as you remembered it, though you hadn’t stepped foot in there in eight years. There was the stool in front of the mirror where you’d tried not to cry while your mom fixed your hair over and over again until she deemed it ‘as close to perfect as imperfect people can be’ on your last morning here. There was the table where you did your lessons and learned to read the scripture, and where you’d sit and have meals as a family, back before your dad died. The little wooden animals your dad used to carve in his rare, precious spare time. The bed where your mother slept.

Everything was the same. Except for the far wall. 

Where there was once a painting of the first Prophet, your own face now stared back at you. And next to the painting, in neat lettering:

“The world is not in balance,

But I have done my part to right it.

You have led me through the storm.

May the current be calm.

May you guide me home.”

“What’s that?” Abby asked, speaking for the first time since you entered the house.

“The Prophet’s prayer,” you said quietly, turning away from the wall entirely. 

“She prays to it,” Lev said matter-of-factly. “The painting,” he clarified. 

“I could’ve gone without knowing that, Lev,” you said, sounding cross despite your efforts not to.

“Your mom?” Abby asked. “This is her house, right?”

“Yep,” Lev answered for you.

You felt sick to your stomach.

“It’s like the Elders decided you were the new Prophet and then everyone lost their minds,” he went on as you made your way over to the ladder and climbed up to the loft. “Your mom stopped calling you her daughter. Suddenly your face was everywhere, but we weren’t allowed to go see you or talk to you. We weren’t even supposed to talk about you, you know, before. Someone overheard Yara using your real name, and they… The punishment was severe.”

You listened as you stood alone in the loft, looking around at what used to be your bedroom. This, your mother had left completely untouched. It seemed like no one had even been up here in the eight years you’d been gone. “I’m listening,” you reassured Lev as you began searching for something. The one thing you wanted to take with you before you left forever. 

“After that, it was hard to even think of you as the same person we knew. The girl who used to braid little flowers into crowns for us. Who came up with the best games and told the wildest stories and broke the rules but only in ways that didn’t really matter and only when you knew you wouldn’t get caught… The girl who carried me back home, all the way across the island, when I fell and broke my foot, singing the whole way because you knew it would make me feel better.” He paused for a second before continuing, “You were the first person who I told I didn’t like my name – I didn’t like the way it made me feel – so, without asking me a single question, without asking me to explain myself or justify anything, you just… never called me that name again.” Lev’s voice broke just a little, and you wiped away a few of your own tears as you continued looking. You knew this was everything he’d needed to get off his chest, probably since long before you were reunited a few days ago, and you didn’t want to interrupt. “You were our sister and then one day they took you away from us. And no one but me and Yara seemed upset about it. Our mom was weird. Your mom was even weirder. Everyone acted like you were a god. The God. Not even a person. And like everything else, everything before, didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t real. They made us believe it.”

You finally found what you’d been looking for, and you could sense that Lev had run out of things to say, at least for the time being, so you shoved it in your pocket with the daisy, climbed back down the ladder, walked over to him, and hugged him tightly again.

“They’re good at that,” you said quietly. “At making us forget… But it’s okay. We’re together now. Let’s get out of here.” He sniffled and nodded as you pulled away. “I’m surprised you remember all of that. You were so young.”

He said your name, eyebrows drawing together like he shouldn’t have to say this, “You were my favorite person. Of course I remember.”

“Really?” you asked, smiling. “Not Yara?”

“Don’t feel bad for her,” he said, heading to the door. “You were her favorite too.”

Abby brushed past you as she followed Lev out, letting her hand brush against yours as she went. You met her eyes and smiled apologetically, grateful to her for being here. For helping with this.

You took up the back of the line, taking one final look around before shutting that door behind you forever. 

Outside, the rain had picked up and daylight was slipping away. By the sounds of it, the fighting had grown closer on all sides, although it hadn’t yet reached the village you were in.

“This way,” you said, taking the lead again.

“Shouldn’t we head back for our boat?” Abby asked when you didn’t start going back the way you’d come.

“No, I hear fighting back there.” 

“I hear fighting everywhere,” Abby argued.

Lev stopped next to you. “There are lots of boats in Haven.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” you said. “We’re closer to Haven now than to where we came from anyway. We can cut through Old Town. Avoid the main roads.”

Abby looked unsure, but relented to the two who knew the island. “Alright, princess. Lead the way.”

Your group managed to avoid conflict for a while, from both the Wolves and the Seraphites, staying hidden in the trees and avoiding areas where the fighting was the loudest.

You moved in near silence, keeping the talking to a minimum.

Old Town referred to an area of old buildings, left completely unused by the anti-Old World Seraphites. The thing that had surprised you the most about the mainland was that it looked like Old Town, only much much bigger. The Wolves hadn’t carved out their own place in the world in the same way the Seraphites did. 

You wondered if the rest of the world was like that. Just people making the best of what already was instead of building something new.

The three of you moved carefully and quickly through the streets of Old Town, cutting through alleyways and relying mostly on side streets. 

“We’re leaving so many people behind,” Lev said as you passed by a few dead Seraphites on the road.

“We can’t help them,” you said. That’s what you had to tell yourself.

“I know.”

“Stay close to me,” you whispered.

“Okay.”

“We need to get off the street,” Abby said, leading you into one of the nearby buildings as the sound of gunshots grew closer.

You lost count of how many buildings you passed through, each of them equally derelict and damp. It took longer, traveling that way, but it meant you were much less likely to be seen.

“This way,” Lev said, pulling himself up and out of a large window that appeared to lead out to a side road. His feet hit the street before either you or Abby had even made it to the window. She was the first to follow after him. 

From inside, you couldn’t see what was happening, but you heard a struggle. Someone yelled, “I got one!” And then there was a gunshot.

Your heart lurched.

Abby yelled – no, screamed – Lev’s name.

You pulled yourself up as fast as you could.

But you were too late.

Lev was already on the ground.

He was already gone.

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“Abby?” The WLF soldier gasped as she knocked him out with his own gun.

The one he’d used to kill Lev.

By the time she had taken the man out, you were out the window and on your knees next to Lev. Silent. Staring. Your hands frozen, shaking, hovering just above his body like you wanted to touch him but didn’t know if you should.

Your whole body shook with a sob.

“Gunshots! Over here!” More Wolves were just down the street. You were seconds away from being within their sights.

Abby rushed to you, grabbing your arm. “Hey, we need to move.” She wished more than anything that this wasn’t happening right now. She wanted to give you time, wanted to sit beside you and cry too, but that wasn’t an option right now.

“No!” You pushed her away. Abby didn’t have a choice. If you didn’t move now, you’d be dead too. She hooked her arms under yours and lifted you, trying to carry you away. “No!” you cried out, grabbing for Lev, fighting against her. “I can’t leave him here!”

“We have to!” she insisted, not letting you go.

The Wolves were closing in. “I see someone!”

There was no point. You wouldn’t be able to get away in time. Abby put you down and pushed you behind her, raising her gun. “Stay back!” she shouted as the soldiers came into view.

“Drop it! Now!” one of them demanded while two others said, “Holy shit!” and “It’s Abby!”

“I said stay back!” She held firm, ready to fire at any one of them at a moment's notice.

“Stand down,” came another voice. One Abby recognized.

The man stepped out of the treeline and into view. 

“Isaac,” she said.

When he came upon Lev’s body on the ground, he regarded it for a moment before shaking his head and slowly stepping over it.

Abby held her gun to the side, not putting it away but showing that she wasn’t aiming at him. She was, like he’d instructed, standing down.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.

She slowly bent down, fingers raised away from the trigger, as she dropped her gun on the ground a few feet in front of her. “I need you to hear me out.”

Isaac took a beat before he responded. “What’s that behind you?”

Abby held a hand up and kept her voice calm, like she was trying to reason with a wild animal instead of a man and a handful of his soldiers. She took a couple steps back, bumping into you, making sure you were close without ever looking away from him. “She saved my life, Isaac.”

“Move out of the way. We’ll deal with you back home.”

He wasn’t listening.

“She’s not one of them. Please,” Abby said, desperation in her voice. 

“Abby, move.” He was firm and expected to be obeyed, just as he always did.

But she couldn’t obey this time. She knew what would happen to you if she did. “No. She’s–”

“–The Prophet,” he finished. And then his gaze slid from hers to yours. “Yeah. I recognize you. They’ve got your face plastered all over this island.”

You said nothing, and Abby wanted his attention back on her, away from you. She tried again. “Isaac–”

He cut her off again, this time with a sudden laugh. “I tried to warn you, Abby. Didn’t I?” And then he turned dramatically, to the surrounding Wolves, gesticulating theatrically in her direction. “BEHOLD the power of the Great Scar Prophet!” His eyes landed back on her. “Able to pull my best soldier right out from under me. Make her turn her back on everything she believes in. And everyone she cares about.”

“That’s not– She’s not–” Abby didn’t know how to make him understand. “She’s not part of this.”

“That is correct. She’s not a part of this,” Isaac seethed. “She. Is. This.”

“What–”

“Every time they attack us – every time they slaughter one of our people – it is done in her name. Every new martyr of theirs dies with her face at the forefront of their mind. Every life lost here today is because of her, along with every life that has been lost in the last decade of this war. All of this death and destruction – all of the blood — is on her hands.”

“Isaac, you can’t seriously think–”

And then, for the first time, Isaac pointed his gun directly at Abby, leveling it at her face. “You have three seconds to get away from that Scar,” he said. “One.”

“You’re really gonna shoot me?” Abby reached a hand out behind her, finding you, making sure you were still behind her, still shielded.

“Two.”

“I’m not fucking moving.”

Isaac paused. And Abby thought, for just a second, that he might’ve changed his mind. That he might back down.

And then there was a gunshot. 

She flinched, but it wasn’t her who had been shot.

It was Isaac. Shot by–

“Lev!” you shouted, surging forward.

“No!” “What the fuck?” “Shoot him!” The soldiers all turned their guns on Lev and fired.

You screamed.

Abby grabbed your hand and booked it to the nearest building, taking advantage of the chaos. You were too shocked to fight her this time, so you allowed yourself to be pulled away.

“Shit!” “Stop them!” “Don’t let them get away!”

Abby slammed the door closed behind you and pushed a filing cabinet in front of it, grabbing your hand and dragging you further into the building, through another door. Once that one was secure, she reached for you again. If she had to drag you all the way back to the aquarium, she would.

But this time, you ripped your hand away. That’s when you seemed to notice the blood on your hands. 

Lev’s blood.

“We need to move.” She wanted you to have time, for you to be able to fully react and process this, but it needed to be later. When you were safe.

You didn’t hear her. Or didn’t care. “He’s gone. Oh my god. He’s gone.”

She said your name, forcefully, trying to draw your eyes to her. “Come on.” She reached for you again, but you yanked your whole body in the opposite direction.

“Those were your fucking people!” you lashed out, much angrier than she’d ever seen you, and for good reason.

“Hey! You’re my people!” she said, matching your volume and intensity. Abby didn’t know where that came from, but she knew that it was true. She took a breath, stepped closer, and tried to touch you again, this time putting her hands on your shoulders. You let her, looking up at her with wide eyes. “Listen to me. We’re gonna have to fight to get out of this, okay? And then I need you to show us to those boats.” You nodded, and she moved her hands from your shoulders to either side of your face, holding your gaze. “We won’t let anybody stop us, yeah?”

“Okay,” you said, barely a whisper.

“Okay.” She stepped back, letting her hands fall to her sides. “Follow me.”

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Haven was burning.

You were on a boat, floating off to safety, while your whole island went up in flames.

Lev was there. Your mother was there. Everything and everyone you knew was there.

But you were here.

In a rowboat.

And you weren’t even helping to row it.

You hadn’t even thought to offer. 

The phantom heat of the now distant fires that consumed Haven seemed to lick at the back of your skull as you finally pulled your eyes away, turning to face Abby.

She was rowing slowly, now that you weren’t in imminent danger, her strong arms engaged, face focused. She had to be tired. She’d done so much.

You were only alive because of her.

“I can row,” you said, voice weaker than you meant for it to be. 

Abby slowed a bit more, looking you over. “You’re shaking.”

You hadn’t noticed. You clenched your fists tightly, trying to stop the tremors. But it wasn’t just your hands that were shaking. It was your whole body. 

Were you cold? 

For how long?

You steeled yourself. “I can help.” 

She stopped rowing entirely and started to shift. You prepared yourself to switch seats with her, but she wasn’t actually moving. She was only taking off her jacket.

You felt like you should protest, that you should insist you were fine and that she should keep her jacket, but you didn’t have it in you. 

When she went to drape it over your shoulders, you let her. 

The jacket was soaked, just like everything else in Seattle, but it helped.

You put your arms in the sleeves properly and pulled it tighter around yourself, staring at the floor of the boat. 

What you wanted was for your mind to go blank. Thinking about anything was dangerous. You didn’t want to spiral, not right now. You couldn’t create more problems for Abby to deal with. You needed to just get back to the aquarium, get dry, and then–

Yara.

You had to tell Yara what happened. 

How could you tell Yara about this? You promised her you’d bring Lev back safe.

Lev.

Images came rushing back to you. You tried to blink them away, but they were stubborn. They lingered.

You swallowed back tears and let your head fall into your hands, trying desperately to focus on your breathing and nothing else. Nothing else. Nothing. Else.

Abby brought the boat right up to a small dock right next to the aquarium. She got out first and tied it off with deft fingers. Then she offered you a hand and pulled you out, stabilizing you as you found balance on embarrassingly shaky legs.

“Got it?” she asked, a hand pressed to your mid-back.

“Yeah.”

She stepped away. “Let’s get out of the rain.”

Someone had barricaded the aquarium door from the inside.

That was the first indication that something was wrong.

The second came soon after, when you found the dog – Alice – dead. 

You and Abby were both on high alert, moving through the dark hallways with your weapons drawn.

Then there was the blood. So much of it that there was a pool of it gathering on the other side of the door. Whatever happened – whatever went so terribly wrong here in the time that you were gone today – was through that doorway.

You forgot to breathe.

Abby pressed on. 

You really didn’t want to, but you followed.

Into the room with whales on the ceiling and Mel, Owen, and Yara lifeless and bleeding on the floor.

You went numb in a way that had nothing at all to do with the cold. You felt the switch flipping inside of you, the failsafe going into effect. You detached. Walls went up in your mind. 

This was good. It meant that maybe, just maybe, you’d make it through this day. 

You were somewhat aware of Abby, to your left, as she let out a terrible sound. You thought she was saying “oh,” but no. That didn’t make sense. She was saying “no.” Over and over again as she crumpled to her knees near Owen.

Your eyes locked onto something on the floor by your feet. To get it, you had to step through a pool of blood that had certainly come from one of the three bodies.

But it was just blood, you told yourself. And these were just bodies. Nothing to be done. Nothing to worry about.

Numbly, you bent to pick up what you now realized was a map of Seattle. Someone had written on it, covering it in notes and shapes and names.

After studying it for a minute, your eyes went to Abby. She was on her hands and knees, heaving after having been sick.

You’d give her a moment more if you thought it would help, but you knew it wouldn’t.

This. This map. That would help.

“Abby…” You approached her slowly, letting her make an attempt at pulling herself together. When you were close enough, you held out the map.

She took it, and then she stood slowly, examining it.

When she turned to you, you could tell. She knew the same thing you did.

Someone had been tracking Abby – hunting her – for a while.

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“The trespassers,” she said.

They killed Manny. 

They killed Owen and Mel.

And, according to the map, they’d gotten to Nora, Jordan, Leah, and Nick too.

All in pursuit of Abby. 

Because of something she had done.

But they fucked up.

They left the map.

And now she knew exactly where to find them.

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Note: As always, thank you for reading! I'm not the best at responding to comments, but I want you to know that I love and cherish them more than words can say! So if you're leaving them, thank you <3

I'm really excited about the turn the story takes in the next chapter, and I think it'll be really enjoyable to read for anyone who's rooting for Abby and the Prophet! (which is, I assume, everyone who reads this fic lol)

Taglist: @4-atsu @h0meb0dyi @lmaoo-spiderman @quinnsadilla @rew1nds @sapphicontherun @stickynachomaker

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : 1-14 on Archive of Our Own

Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 15: My head wasn't wired for this world

Chapter title is lyrics from "Avalanche"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Oli was slouched over at the front of the stage, legs dangling over the edge near the barricades, looking out over the vast, dark and empty space, only dimly lit by a handful of spotlights throughout the arena.

When I slowly ascended the steps to the stage I pushed away the fear I felt about these types of spaces. While avoiding the stage completely was impossible when working on the touring team, I had always made my time on them as short as humanly possible, never actually taking in the view. 

There was just something about how you could be seen so clearly from the entire arena when you were up here that made me anxious, but the fact that only Oli and I were here made the whole experience a lot more palatable, so I crouched down and took a seat next to him and let myself look out over the empty floor and seats, still covered in the majority of tonight's confetti and debris.

“I’ve never really seen an arena like this before.” I said with wonder.

“You’ve worked with us for like a month now, how is that possible?” He didn’t look my way as he spoke flatly, clearly upset.

My response came a lot quieter than my previous statement, “I try to avoid the stage as much as I can.” 

Silence fell between us as I wasn’t sure how to approach the topics that were haunting us both, not even sure what I felt up for talking about.

“Thank you for last night. I was a bit of a mess.” Was the best I could come up with.

“Don’t worry about it.” Some of the bitterness emitting off of him dissipated, so I decided to take the plunge into the harder topic.

“I’m sorry about all this stuff with Mat.”

He huffed out a frustrated laugh, his eyes darting everywhere except in my direction.

“I feel like I’m going insane. Listening to you flirt with someone else…” His demeanour changed rapidly along with his tone of voice, now laced with anger, “Guess I had it coming after what I did to you at the party the other night.”

My heart sank. Did he really think I was doing this to hurt him?

“I’m not a vengeful person, Oli.” My own words came angrier than I’d intended.

He dropped his head, shaking it, appearing utterly defeated, “Then what the fuck are you doing, Alice…” He muttered.

“I don’t know.” I said, more to myself than him. 

As I watched him not being able to face me, my heart ached so much that I couldn’t take it anymore. I got to my feet and started to make my way towards the steps. But I could hear him moving behind me, and right before I could exit the stage he pushed in front of me, shooting me daggers.

He appeared furious, yet all I could feel was a huge sense of relief over the fact that he was finally looking at me.

“Mat’s a good man, charming too – a lot less troubled than I am.” As he spoke he stalked me backwards, clearly intent on not letting me leave yet.

But I didn’t mind, I wanted his attention.

I almost immediately hit the wall of the second stage level that had yet to be disassembled, and I was left with a view of the arena, swimming behind the man that had cornered me, staring down at me with such intensity that I wouldn’t have been able to tell whether he was about to fuck me or argue with me if it wasn’t for the context of the situation.

“Who said I want someone less troubled?” I asked, feeling an involuntary shiver of lust snake its way up my spine from his threatening approach.

“It’s not a stretch to assume, is it?” He took one last step towards me, not quite close enough to touch me, but close enough that I could feel the heat emitting off of him, “We’ve fought over women in the past – he tends to win.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I gingerly placed my hand on his warm chest, both because I couldn’t resist touching his bare, art covered skin over the buttons of his revealing jacket, but also because I wanted to show him where my attraction lay between the two men.

His gaze dropped to my hand before he shot me a bitter smile, “Women want to fuck me, not date me.” I swallowed and removed my hand, realising how my gesture had come across considering what he just told me, “At least not once they get to know me… I think the problem is we’re drawn to similar women, and that type of women tend to favour men like Mat in the end.”

While my feelings had obviously chosen Oli already, what he was saying made a surprising amount of sense, especially if you were the type of person who craved stability over passion. Yet I couldn’t help but feel like a complete imposter, clearly not worthy of either man's attention.

“Men generally don’t want much to do with me in either department.” I felt pathetic admitting it to him, and saying the words out loud somehow solidified how I didn’t belong here.

He watched me for a while, as if trying to make sense of what I was saying.

“Thought we agreed on no more lies, love.” While his words could have been construed as accusive, his tone was sweet, turning his sentence more flirty. But I didn’t feel flirty, I felt like the shy loser I’d been trying to run away from; I felt like the girl trapped living with a man she didn’t love, because she was too scared of the world.

The familiar burn of unshed tears began to sting at the back of my eyes, “It’s not a lie. I’m fucking broken.”

I tried to push past him but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder, and placed the other under my chin, guiding me to look at him as a lone tear ran down my cheek.

“Alice, that’s madness.” All the intensity on him had melted away, replaced with a soft and caring voice that matched the expression of his beautiful eyes.

“I can’t do this. I’m not made for this life.” I said quietly as I tried to keep the dam from bursting inside me, entirely too fed up with crying.

Frowning, he let go of my chin to dry my wet cheek, “Of course you are, life can be whatever you want it to be.”

“I have social anxiety.” I blurted out, trying to make him understand why I’m not right for him, for either of them.

“I know.” His response came immediately, completely unsurprised and unbothered. 

Of course he already knew, it couldn’t be more obvious from the way I behave on a daily basis.

My head dropped out of embarrassment, “How am I supposed to be with a celebrity when I can barely keep from stuttering when talking in front of more than two people at a time.”

“Your stutter’s adorable, anyone with half a brain cell can see that.”

When I dared to look back up at him, I was met by eyes swimming with adoration. But I decided that it was misplaced, that his perception of me was skewed and incorrect, so I kept pushing.

“Whenever I’m not distracted enough, I get so depressed I can barely leave my bed for weeks.”

He placed a hand on the wall next to my head and leaned in closer with a smirk, “Lots of things we can do in bed.”

I felt my cheeks flush at his words, but the pain remained, “Oli, please… I’m broken.”

His smirk fell away as he looked at me with sympathy, followed by a sigh, “I’ve got addiction issues, chronic nightmares, ADHD, and I also slip into depression at times. We’re all broken, love.”

His eyes lit up suddenly and the faintest hints of a smile reappeared on his lips.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked out of nowhere.

I couldn’t help but frown in confusion, “What?”

“Favourite colour.” He repeated, more demanding this time.

“I-I mean, blue I guess–”

“Favourite food?”

“Sushi. Why are you–”

He looked utterly appalled as he cut me off with judgement in his voice, “Fucking disgusting, you should reconsider that.”

I gasped, eyebrows knotting into a deep frown, “Oh please, you’ve probably never tried any good sushi– and before you argue that you don’t eat fish, there’s plenty of good options without it– also, rich coming from Mister I basically only eat things that are so processed I can’t even tell what’s in it!”

As I was ranting his whole face bloomed into an absolutely delighted smile, causing my annoyance to spread further.

“I love when you’re like this.”

My jaw dropped, “You like when I'm annoyed!?”

He chuckled, “Relaxed.”

“Trust me, I’m not relaxed.”

“Your guard’s down. You’re just yourself – wild opinions and all. I don’t get to see it too often. It’s mostly been when you’ve cussed me out, or when we…” His gaze dropped out of what seemed akin to embarrassment, and his smile turned significantly more suggestive, “You know.”

All the annoyance left me immediately at the sight of him struggling to talk about sex, causing me to adopt a more cheerful expression.

“I thought I was the shy one, you can’t even say it?” I teased.

A low and absolutely filthy laugh left him, “Honestly love, if I start talking about it I’ll just get hard, and I’d rather focus on getting to know you better right now.” Without skipping a beat he moved on to his next question, “Favourite animal?”

“And why is right now the time to get to know me?”

“Why not? Favourite animal.”

My smile grew as I looked at him. I couldn’t tell if this was an attempt to cheer me up by moving away from the dreary topic, or if this was his way of showing that he’s still interested in me, despite all my flaws – or maybe it was because Mat had gotten a chance to learn more about me and he felt left out. Regardless of the reasons, I wasn’t going to deny him this. 

“Cats.”

Disbelief painted his features, “Fuck off, dogs are so much better.”

“They slobber everywhere.” I retorted, scrunching up my face.

“Not all dogs, and cats are mischievous little bastards.”

“You should be able to relate then.” I don’t know how he did it, but he’d somehow managed to completely turn my mood around, and get me right back to feeling flirty.

The fight faded from him instantly at my remark, and he lowered his head with a grin. When his eyes returned to mine they were dark and playful.

“Favourite artist?” 

I paused, considering my response, “Is that a trick question?”

“Of course.” He responded, studying my face.

Suddenly his lighthearted demeanour began to shift, turning more serious. When his next question came it was asked with a distinctly more thoughtful tone, clearly punctuating that we’re venturing into significantly deeper waters.

“What’s a dealbreaker to you?”

As his eyes pierced mine I felt the moment turn heavy from the loaded question. I knew that these types of conversations were incredibly important to determine whether we were compatible at all. But there were always great risks to learning the answers, with the looming potential of completely derailing any thoughts of what could have been.

I felt my heart rate speed up as I decided to join him in the depth, addressing the thing that should have put an end to my last relationship years ago if it wasn’t for my fears.

“I.. don’t think I want children.”

He visibly relaxed at my response, “Good, cause I’ve had a vasectomy.”

A sense of relief washed over me, knowing I’d never have to worry about that pressure with him if we decided to take things further – and suddenly his willingness to cum inside me made so much more sense. For me it had always been an easy decision, having had an IUD for years.

The part where we both made ourselves vulnerable to disease however, that can’t be chalked up to anything besides the stupidity that so easily surfaces when you’re beyond a certain level of turned on, and common sense flies right out the window.

While I wanted to return the question to him, to learn what would rule me out as a potential future partner, I also found myself curious as to why he’d done something so permanent to prevent having children when there’s less invasive ways.

“How come? I mean, I understand not wanting children, but why something so… final?”

“I just don’t want to risk it. I’ve been sure I don’t want kids for a long time. It’s not that I dislike them or anything, but with all my issues I’ve really just wanted to focus on myself and what’s important to me,” Before he continued, a softness emerged in his tone of voice, ”...such as finding love, and making that person a priority in my life.”

Understanding that the last bit had been aimed at me, I felt the familiar discomfort bubble under the surface, so I decided to steer the conversation back on track.

“What about you, what’s your deal breakers?”

He answered immediately, his response dripping with bitterness, “Cheating.”

“That’s a given. What else?”

There was a pause this time.

“Being shut out emotionally.” He answered, hints of sadness emitting from him. 

His reply stirred up some confusion in me, an uncertainty whether he was referring to some of my behaviour, spoken as a pleading to let him into my heart. Or whether it had been in reference to something that happened in his past.

“Anything else?” He added.

It was my turn to think, but it didn’t take long.

“Someone trying to control me.”

He huffed out an amused laugh, “You sure about that? You seem to enjoy it a fair bit.”

I smiled back at him, “Not like that… Someone trying to make me something I’m not, which sounds daft cause I barely even know who I am anymore, but I just, I want space to figure that out.”

His hazel eyes swam with emotion as his hand reached for my cheek, the back of his fingers caressing my skin with the same tenderness as last night. While the gesture tugged at my heart, I couldn't for the life of me understand why he had any interest in someone like me.

“How can you be sure you have feelings for me, if I’m just a shell of a person?” I asked under my breath.

“I’m not sure that’s true, love.” He responded, speaking softly, “I know you’re kind, witty – incredibly sexy, and you’re working really hard to get to know and explore yourself, which I don’t just really admire, but it’s a journey I’ve been on myself for a while now.”

“What if I become something… undesirable?” As I asked my question that so clearly highlighted my insecurities, I was struck with the realisation that I wasn’t sure I’ve ever been this emotionally vulnerable with anyone before.

“I find that very hard to believe.” He scanned my face, “Is that what this is about, you’re scared I won’t like who you become?”

The truth is that I wasn’t sure I’d survive that intense degree of rejection. While mind numbing and soul destroying, it had been infinitely simpler to stay so void of personality for so long. At least then if someone disliked me it didn’t mean much at all. But if I grew into myself, accepted who I was as a person with opinions and interests, only for someone to decide that I wasn’t good enough? The thought of that alone was hard enough, I couldn’t even imagine the heartbreak if that level of rejection came from someone I actually loved.

“Part of it, but not all of it.” An honest answer without going into the specifics, or delving into the other reasons I’m full of uncertainty.

Some of the previous intensity made a reappearance on him, “It would be an honour to help you find yourself, love – no matter who you become.”

I looked away awkwardly, knowing how much he’d already kickstarted my self discovery, “In some ways you already have.” I opened and shut my mouth a couple of times before I found the words to continue, “I didn’t know I liked some things before… sexually.”

Suddenly his eyelids lowered, and so did his tone of voice, “Like being called a whore?” 

The way he emphasised the word immediately made my knees weak, and I had to lean more of my weight onto the wall behind me.

I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I simply nodded.

A quick grin flashed over his lips as he gently placed his hand over my throat, causing my breath to hitch.

“Being choked…” 

His words sounded distant as his dark gaze was transfixed on his hand on me, 

“...Humiliated,” 

His thumb leisurely ran up my throat to graze my jaw.

I nodded again, a bit more shaky this time, which seemed to have snapped him out of the lustful state he’d clearly lost himself in for a moment, as his eyes shot back to mine, appearing more sober now.

He swallowed and let his hand fall away from me before stepping aside to lean against the wall next to me, leaving me unpleasantly cold after having relished the heat radiating off of him for so long.

We stared out into the dark space together for a beat before he continued speaking, allowing me some much needed time to collect myself, and slow my breathing that had apparently become quite laboured.

“I’ve done some similar things before, but it’s different with you, in a way that makes my past experiences seem shallow and meaningless.” His words still sounded distant, “I see it in your eyes, you know. It doesn’t just turn you on, does it? It's like you come alive from it.” He huffed out a small laugh then threw me a side glance, “Or am I just talking out my ass here?”

I tried to meet his eyes, but he instantly looked away when I turned my head towards him, as if fighting himself to not slip back into his previous carnal state, not ready to stop talking to me just yet.

“No, I think you explained it pretty well actually.” I answered, sounding just as flustered as I felt, made obvious by the way he shifted his body in discomfort as I spoke, letting his head rest against the wall as he shut his eyes for a second, appearing tense from the invisible restraints he’d put himself in. 

After taking a deep breath he pressed on, “Thing is, you’re so desperate for me to push you further and further that I’m constantly torn between holding back too much, or taking things too far. It makes me not trust myself,” He allowed himself to look at me as he spoke the next words, sounding apologetic, “...or you for that matter.”

My brows furrowed, “But, I promised I’d let you know if things go too far.”

He gave me a sombre smile, “Doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be safe, love.”

While his concerns made sense, my subconscious didn’t agree with him.

“I think that maybe you’re mistaking my trust in you for carelessness.”

It was his turn to frown. He studied my face for a long time with a contemplative expression, clearly deep in thought from my statement. After a while he looked away with a sigh. When his gaze travelled back to mine, it seemed he’d allowed himself to feel some of the lust he’d so valiantly attempted to push away, as if my counter argument had won during his internal battle. Because his eyes were suddenly dark and hungry – and his voice matched them perfectly.

“You like it when I scare you, don’t you?” 

My whole body reacted to the question, heating up, yearning – wanting to finally be touched, to be played with. Our conversation had gone on for so long, repeatedly slipping into desire, yet we’ve been continuously ripped away from it. The more times it happened the more desperate the both of us clearly grew.

As I slowly nodded in response to his question, his gaze fell to my dark lips, and a pained expression flashed over his features, “To be honest love, drives me wild to see some fear on you.” His eyes travelled back up to mine and his next words were spoken under his breath, “...How fucking wet you get from it.”

My pulse descended between my legs, soaking me further, adding to the wetness already lingering there from each time he’d turned me on tonight.

He held out his hand, indicating for me to take it. As I slipped my fingers into his open palm, he led me to stand before him.

“Take this off.” He murmured, giving my sweater a gentle tug.

I was suddenly acutely aware of our location. Knowing Oli repeatedly had me do compromising things in precarious places, I should have expected somewhere like this to be on the table. But since I was still relatively clothed underneath my sweater, I decided to go along with his request without overthinking it.

I slipped the sweater over my head to reveal the vulgar, silk dress, with a deep, plunging neckline underneath, along with the marks on my body that I hadn’t bothered using concealer on due to how well the fabric had hid them all. He immediately took the sweater off me, flinging the offending garment to the side of the stage where it disappeared into the darkness.

As he took in the sight of me, he released a long, ragged sigh, “Fucking travesty to cover this up.” 

He slipped a hand to the small of my back and crushed my body against his, and I could immediately feel the outline of his hard cock pressed against my stomach. 

At no point had I dared sneak a peek between his legs during our conversation, knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else considering his attire.

Heat spread rapidly throughout my whole being at the sudden full body contact, causing my heart rate to speed up along with my breathing. I reached for his chest to steady myself against him, to feel him, digging my fingers into the bright red fabric of his cropped jacket, forcing it to shift under my hands and reveal more of the inkwork hidden there.

When my vision eventually ripped itself away from his chest in order to travel upwards, I was met with parted lips, and tufts of hair framing a delightfully lust-riddled face, so close to my own that our heavy breaths mingled.

A thumb appeared at my mouth, placing itself gently on my lower lip adorned by the dark, velvety lipstick.

“This is new for you.” He whispered with a flash of a grin, mesmerised by the sight of his thumb as it grazed along the lip, smudging the colour there, my mouth opening further from the intoxicating sensation, “...I love it.”

I was so lost in what he was doing to me that I’d completely forgotten where we were, which Oli decided it was time to correct, as he grabbed me by the hips to turn me around. The reminder of the view caused my eyes to widen, shyness creeping back in from every angle. But the man behind me pulled me flush against his warm and solid body again, causing me to effortlessly, eagerly melt back into him – back to the same intoxicated state he had me locked in mere moments ago, now with his cock nestled perfectly against my ass.

With his lips against my ear, dark hair falling into my peripheral vision, warm breaths fanning my cheek, all I could do was close my eyes and drown in him as his hands started roaming my body.

“No, open your eyes.” He whispered against my ear, one of his hands slowly caressing my inner thigh, with the other holding me firmly against him, splayed on my stomach.

I fulfilled his request, prying my eyes open, feeling the discomfort wash over me as I stared out into the massive, open space.

“Wouldn’t want you to forget where you are, now would we?” I could feel his lips twist into a smile against my ear as he spoke softly, clearly deriving great pleasure from my distress, further adding to my unease and arousal in equal parts.

The hand on my stomach began trailing upwards, caressing the bare skin between my breasts, so flimsily covered by the black silk.

“Do you have any idea how much I love to make you uncomfortable, my dear, sweet Alice?” His words came low as his lips moved along my ear, “...To watch you squirm, trying your very best to keep it together for me like a good whore.” 

His hand disappeared under the fabric, shifting it slowly to reveal one of my breasts to the empty arena. My heart rate sped up further, making me feel slightly lightheaded.

I felt his dick tense against me before he whispered, “Too much?”

Knowing that I’d probably be having a panic attack right now if I wasn’t in such a lust induced trance didn’t matter one bit – I knew I didn’t want to stop.

“No.” I breathed, nearly a moan.

My response made him cup my breast, playing with it, feeling the weight of it in his hand, causing his breathing to come heavier against my cheek before the hand on my thigh finally began travelling upwards, finally reaching my core, causing my own breath to catch, grabbing for his arms that snaked around me to further steady myself.

“Do you wanna be fucked right here, on stage?” He whispered, nestling his head closer to mine, causing more of his hair to fall into my vision.

I nodded against him, my open mouth panting as his fingers circled my clit.

He breathed out another whisper, “You’re that fucking desperate for me?”

Gooseflesh began spreading over my skin from his teasing, demeaning questions.

“Yes.” I breathed, causing him to release a low, devilish laugh that vibrated against my back.

“Of course you are.”

To my disappointment, the fingers between my legs disappeared, only to immediately reappear beneath my mouth. 

“I’d love to fuck this pretty, painted, little mouth of yours.” The warm and slick fingers followed the shape of my lower lip as he spoke, leaving wet skin behind – at no point actually touching the lip itself, as if to preserve the colour there.

Suddenly his hands fell away before he grabbed me by the hips again, pushing me off of him.

“Down on your knees.” He demanded as I struggled to stay upright without the solid body to lean against.

When I turned around he was already reaching for his belt, where his hard cock was pulling the already tight fabric awkwardly taut, his intoxicated expression confirming that he was every bit as desperate for this as I was.

I eagerly fell to my knees before him, watching in anticipation as he took his time unbuckling his belt.

“Now, we’re gonna test you a bit, love.”

I ripped my eyes away from his bulge as he spoke, in order to look up at him, instantly consumed with excitement from the promise of the mysterious trial to come.

“You’re gonna be good for me and tap my leg if I take it too far.”

He finished with his belt and unbuttoned the trousers, only leaving the zipper left to undo, but he stopped to lean forward, taking hold of my chin with a more sober expression, hair falling over his pleading eyes as he looked down at me, “I’m trusting you here, yeah?”

I swallowed, understanding the personal significance of his statement. So I tried my best to fight through the cloud of desire I was so hopelessly lost in to deliver my words with as much sincerity as I possibly could.

“I’ll tap, I promise...”

There was a punctuated sense of intimacy as we stared into each other's eyes, something infinitely deeper at play than carnal needs. While I’d managed to place my trust in his hands, expecting him to keep me safe as we explored, up until now I haven’t returned the favour. He was asking me to meet him halfway, allowing him to relax and not overextend himself as he looked after me, handing me his rarest commodity – trust, begging me not to break it.

“...You can trust me.” I whispered, to further clarify that I understood the gravity of his request.

An unreadable emotion flickered over his features before he let go of my chin and leaned back, undoing the zipper that had already started to slip from the pressure of his length pushing on it. It sprung free with a bounce, the head glistening from the precum collecting there, his trousers sliding down to reveal his art covered thighs.

I felt my mouth begin to water at the sight, overcome with an intense need to taste it right now, but as I leaned in his fingers laced into my hair and held me in place.

“Only use your tongue, love.” He breathed, and while keeping his fingers in my hair, his hand relaxed, allowing me to move freely again.

I instantly took advantage of my freedom, darting my tongue out to taste the precum, licking it off of him, relishing the taste as I watched the veins of his length grow more defined from my actions.

When I was satisfied with my work, having gotten most of the delectable liquid in my mouth, I moved to the base of his cock, looking up at his glazed over eyes barely visible though his unruly locks, the unwavering gaze locked on me as I let my tongue travel along his length eagerly. The sensation caused a ragged breath to leave him, along with his dick to tense and bob upwards, touching my lips on the way down, leaving an imprint of my mouth behind in the dark, contrasting colour of my lipstick.

As soon as my tongue had flicked off the tip, his fingers in my hair grabbed me again.

“Let’s see how much you can take.” His words came deep and rough, then he guided my open mouth over his head, pushing me further and further down his shaft until it threatened to cause my gag reflex to kick in, but he kept pushing me down on his cock until it hit the back of my throat. Right before I felt myself begin to gag, he released a sound so incredible I felt my pussy throb between my legs, then pulled me off of him.

“Not bad, love.” He breathed, sounding even more inebriated with lust than before. When my eyes managed to focus again, I took in the vision of his slick cock before me; a clear imprint of my lips around it, showcasing exactly how much I’d been able to fit in my mouth, which had been more than I’d expected.

I looked up at him with a proud smile, a quick smile flashed back at me before returning to his previous intoxicated state.

“Open up.” He murmured, before quickly pushing me back down on him as soon as my lips parted enough to let him in. I placed my hands on the warm and art covered skin of his thighs to steady myself as he guided me to suck him in long strokes. His hand fell away from me entirely, allowing me the ability to pleasure him on my own terms.

More ragged breaths and small moans started to slip from his lips, so I looked up to enjoy the sight of him as I worked his cock; his chest was heaving, head leaned against the wall with his eyes shut, his expression flickering to a pained desperation every so often.

“Fuck, you’re doing incredible things.” He breathed, nearly whimpered out, through his other delicious noises, right before his eyes snapped to meet mine, the familiar aggression so prominently on display there.

His fingers shoved their way back into my hair, to hold me firmly in place about halfway down his shaft. But then his other hand appeared in front of my eyes, suddenly pinching my nose shut. My eyes widened in surprise, causing his eyelids to grow heavy as he watched me realise what was going on.

An exhilarating rush of mixed emotions washed over me, intensified by the fact that I didn’t have a full lungs worth of air in me. I felt my nails dig into his thighs as I was entirely too quickly running out of air. Seconds passed and I could feel more precum spill into my mouth, making it obvious how much he was enjoying the sight of my struggle. But his eyes were watching me intensely, expecting – hoping I would put an end to this when I was ready.

Another beat passed and I felt myself grow increasingly desperate for air, so I did as I’d promised; I tapped his leg.

He instantly pulled me away from his cock, letting go of my nose in the same motion. 

I slumped forward before him, inhaling sharply several times to catch my breath. 

When I’d recovered enough to sit back up, my vision was swimming with his hand working his length as he waited for me, causing the lipstick left there to smudge and fade.

“You’re doing so good, love.” He said with adoration in his voice.

I felt a depraved smile grow on my lips before I parted them for him, indicating that I wanted more.

He huffed out a breath, a smile tugging at his own lips from my eagerness, before his hand slipped back into my hair to guide me into the same position as moments ago.

“Take a deep breath this time, love. Let’s see how long you hold it for me.” He said under his breath. As soon as I inhaled he placed his hand over my nose again, restricting my breathing completely.

Immediately I tasted more precum entering my mouth, followed by the sensation of my own juices running down my thigh. I was in heaven, completely and utterly blessed as I felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat through his cock on my lips, on my tongue, as he was getting off on withholding something so vital from me as air.

Without realising it, my eyes had fallen shut as I was enjoying the sensations and trying to focus on preserving my air supply so I could stay like this for longer.

“Look at me.” His voice came so low and desperate, when my eyes met his again they were glowing with hunger.

I felt his hand in my hair grip me tighter, pushing me further down his shaft with a shaky exhale, his cock tensing in my mouth as my tongue moved along it.

“You’re incredible.” He said so quietly it was barely audible before he gently started moving his hips against me, slowly fucking my mouth, instantly increasing the difficulty of my already challenging task.

Once again I felt my nails involuntarily dig into his thighs as I struggled, which seemed to only spur him on as a particularly delectable moan left him followed by several ragged breaths, his fingers venturing deeper into my hair, pushing me down on him further, almost as deep as when he was testing me. Suddenly I was fighting against my gag reflex as well as my need for air, and in my overwhelmed state I’d apparently shut my eyes again.

“Keep your fucking eyes on me.” He demanded, a lot louder than anything else we’ve said on the stage tonight, causing a small echo to travel throughout the vast space of the arena.

I could taste more precum as I pried my eyes back open, the man above me emitting a restrained, desperate energy, his dark eyes completely glazed over. My need for air was reaching a breaking point, I began pushing at his thighs out of reflex, not actually wanting to come up for air just yet, but he held me firmly in place – knowing that’s not what we agreed on. When I didn’t tap he pushed me down on him harder, this time pressing himself against the back of my throat with a moan, sending a shiver of lust throughout my body despite my obvious discomfort. But that was the last thing I got to enjoy before the moment had to come to an end, as it was time to tap.

The millisecond my hand hit his thigh he was already pulling out, knowing how far I’d pushed myself. After I’d collapsed against him, I clung to his leg as I recovered, coughing from the sensation of fullness still lingering in my throat where he’d pushed down on me.

This time he didn’t leave me enough time to recover though, his hand slipping right back into my hair, guiding my breathless face back into his view.

“You look perfect like this.” He whispered, working his soaking dick in long strokes over me, shaking the hair out of his eyes as he panted heavily. His words and the sight of him caused a tired smile to blossom on my lips, feeling high as a kite from arousal after having been played with in new, wonderful ways.

“All messy and breathless…” The grip on my hair tightened as his strokes came faster, “Do you have any idea how tempting it is to cum all over you right now? Have you walk to the dressing room fucking covered in it.” His expression shifted into a sadistic smile, sending more shivers throughout my whole body. He exhaled sharply, “Giving me that look doesn’t help, love. It’s only making me want to do it more.”

He’d made a similar statement at the afterparty, in the end he’d cum in my mouth instead. But I knew this time was different; I was already a mess, and the dressing rooms weren’t that far away. I couldn’t tell if I was negotiating with myself or not, but somehow the reward outweighed the risk massively, as I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more in this moment either. Just the thought of him coming all over me on the stage he mere hours earlier performed in front of thousands of people, elicited a type of thrill that I wasn’t sure I’d experienced before. When I opened my mouth to speak I could feel my heart pounding between my legs, feeling dizzy from arousal and breathlessness.

“Please, just cover me.” I breathed – a flustered whisper, causing his expression to turn even more desperate, his breathing coming rough and quick as his gaze travelled along my body. I looked down to see clear liquid pooling on his tip, obviously close to the edge, confirmed by his strokes slowing down significantly. My eyes snapped back to him, his head rolled back for a moment before looking back down on me with extremely heavy eyelids. His strokes turning jerky as the warm liquid fired over me, the first shot landing on my lips, I instantly darted my tongue out to taste it before I felt it dripping down my chin, dripping into my lap, joined by the second shot that hit my throat, running down between my breasts as he groaned and sighed.

“Fuck.” He breathed in delight as the third shot covered my face, but thankfully missed my eyes.

He was barely done coming when his hand fell away from my hair.

“On all fours, now!” He demanded as he shoved me to face the empty seats. As soon as I fell forward in the right direction, he pushed into me with ease as my skirt had already hiked up on its own accord from kneeling. I felt myself instantly lose control of my body as he moved inside me; I moaned entirely too loud, trying to stop myself, knowing someone might hear me, but the sounds just kept coming as his fingers dug deep into the flesh of my hips, pounding me hard and fast, my whimpers and moans mingling with the slapping sounds that echoed all around us. His exhales and moans joined mine, as he suddenly fell forward on top of me, my arms giving out from the impact. I was delightfully crushed by his weight, heaving breaths and moans being exhaled next to my ear, with more warm liquid filling me up with each pump.

When he was done, the only sound that remained was our laboured breathing.

“Fucking hell, love…” He started, his voice rough and unsteady, “It’s been a while since I came twice in a row.”

Without giving either of us any time to recover, he pushed himself up, pulling out in the same motion, eliciting one last moan from me. I heard the clanging of his belt as he was already putting himself back together. I don’t know how he’d sobered up so quickly as I was completely out of it; freshly pounded, breathless, and dripping of cum.

“I’ve made a right mess of you,” He muttered, still sounding shaky and short of breath, but he was clearly in a rush, “let’s get you sorted.”

A hand appeared on my shoulder before I got rolled onto my back, feeling like a ragdoll. I looked up at his flushed face as he slipped his hands under my body, collecting me in his arms with ease before stalking off with me.

All I could do was cling to him as he swept me away from the stage, my mind entirely too blank – entirely too happy, to feel any anxiety about my state, or who might see me like this.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

[gaoau]

Tingle — Goodbye Kiss

A Mother's Instinct warnings — none. word count — 1.5k

prev. — next.

When he felt that stupid stirring in his stomach and then his phone rang, Yaku only rolled his eyes before picking up the call. On the other side of the line was his best friend, holding back her tears as she tried to formulate coherent words.

When [Name] finally managed to spit out the reason behind her sniffles, Yaku's heart sank into his stomach. "I got the scholarship. I got the scholarship, Morisuke, I got the scholarship!" she squealed over the microphone, repeating the same excited sentence over and over.

It took him a painfully long, seemingly endless second, but he smiled despite not being seen and congratulated her genuinely. Of course he was happy for her, she had been going on and on about that scholarship for that botany college she so desperately wanted. And now she had it. She could leave the country and study every last plant to her heart's content at the college of her dreams. Of course he was happy for her.

When they stood among the bustling of people running around with their suitcases, Yaku felt his eyes brimming with tears. As he pursed his lips and tucked his chin down to avoid eye contact, he wondered if [Name] could feel the same stirring in her stomach. It didn't look like it, seeing how she was smiling brightly while giving improvised speeches to her friends.

From her second-favorite captain—something [Name] had confessed only to Yaku while slurping an overly sweet strawberry-orange smoothie—to the cutest underclassmen a manager could ask for, [Name] dedicated special words to each and every member of the team. She had Lev and Inuoka bend down so she could gingerly mess with their hair. Fukunaga whispered something under his breath that made her giggle as she patted his head, while Kenma practically hissed and pulled away from her palm. Yamamoto accepted her pat as a sign of forgiveness for that time he spiked a ball into her face.

And last came the hug. A group hug, engulfing him, Kuroo, and Kai with those arms that had pulled him over the railing of her balcony countless times. A hug in which he felt her nails dig into the skin of his arm with a bit more force than in Kai's. But Yaku had to hold back the tears as she let them go and grasped the handle of her suitcase.

[Name] grinned at her team, gazing at them with squinted eyes. Yaku could see the excitement swirling in her irises and the hesitation hiding behind it. But the tears were in his eyes rather than hers.

Her fingers visibly tightened around the handle. [Name] breathed in deeply for one last, final, official goodbye. "I'll miss you all so much, really. I'll be on the other side of the world, but I'll make sure to call you guys once a week at least."

"Good luck with that."

It was Kuroo's mocking chuckle what made her relax. She shifted her weight onto her dominant leg, sneering at Nekoma's former captain. "Fuck you, Tetsurou, I'll call you once every three months."

Laughter exploded. Both [Name] and Kuroo knew she wouldn't be able to keep from calling him for more than eight days.

Their cackles ceased. [Name] turned her eyes to the graduated third-years. "Thanks, you three, for the last three years. And thanks for dragging me into volleyball. I'll really, really miss you." Her smile became sweeter when she turned to her underclassmen. "And I look forward to hearing you guys won nationals without us. I trust you'll keep Nekoma just as great as it is. You lost a fantastic libero, but I'm sure you'll fill his shoes just fine, Yuuki-kun."

"Your speech's getting too long. You'll miss your flight."

"No need to be embarrassed, Kenma, I know you'll miss me too. Sucks you didn't let me retouch your roots." She had a way of making everyone laugh whenever she spoke. "For real now, thanks a lot, all of you. I'll see you again soon, hopefully."

The team hollered in unison, as if they were replying to their coach when he announced spiking drills, but in reality, they were crying out their farewells to the idiot manager that barked at them when they didn't zip up their jackets on a chilly afternoon. [Name] glanced down at her luggage, gripping the handle tightly one more time. She shot her friends a shining beam, and then turned on her heels.

The wheels of her suitcase rolled against the floor for a millisecond before she halted. The handle slipped from her fingers, leaving the suitcase to sit all by itself while she marched up to Yaku. Everyone else watched, hesitating between telling her she still needed to check in her luggage or letting the scene roll however she liked.

Yaku didn't look up. He pursed his lips and kept his eyes to his left, where Kuroo's shoes seemed very interesting. [Name] huffed. "Now I get it. This mother-daughter thing you talked about. There's been a weird tingling in my fingers this whole time." [Name] shoved her face into his to find tears threatening to pour. "You're really about to cry, aren't you?"

No words could come out of Yaku's mouth. He felt small while she pierced his teary eyes with her soft ones. His arms wrapped around her shoulders and he hid his face in her hair. "I'm gonna miss you a lot," he mumbled into her neck.

[Name]'s voice caressed his ears like a cloud made out of velvet. "I know, Morisuke, so will I."

"No, you don't get it." Now it was Yaku's turn to tighten his hold and dig his nails in her skin. After so many carefree I love you's, how was he supposed to express the truth that had always lain behind them? "[Name], I'm in love with you. I don't want it to end like this."

Yaku could feel [Name] smile against him. "I know, Morisuke, I know. I love you, too." After so many carefree I love you's, this one sounded real and full of the warmth only [Name] could radiate. "But I'll be back before you know it and we'll pick up right where we left off."

[Name] pulled away from the hug, struggling just a tad bit to pry his strong arms off of her. It became an easier task when Yaku's guard dropped at the feeling of a shiver running down his spine. His still watery eyes traveled to [Name]'s face, brows furrowed in suspicion.

"[Name]?"

It was only her name, but she understood his instinct had activated.

"I'm about to do something stupid."

Yaku rolled his eyes ever-so-slightly. "You're always doing something stupid. How's this any—?"

But he didn't get a chance to finish his snarky question when [Name] sealed his lips with her own. His eyes flew wide open in sheer surprise and his body burst into flames. The comforting perfume of the deodorant she sprayed in her room whenever she finished cleaning wafted into his nose in gentle waves. The touch of their lips melting together felt familiar, as if they had done it a thousand times before, but he knew that wasn't true because his mind was wondering why it had taken her so long to kiss him.

Neither of them moved in fear of making it end too quickly or shattering the vinyl floor beneath them with a single step. Yaku's fingers twitched and hesitated; he didn't know where to put them or how to follow [Name] because his ability to feel anything but her lips had long left him.

And when she moved away, heat and cold battled inside his body, forming a wild tornado that would hopefully delay her flight to keep her in Japan just a second longer. The moment lasted an eternity and less than a second at the same, but Kuroo wouldn't tell him until later that all [Name] did was press her lips against his for a brief instance as both a message of wait for me and a goodbye. [Name] gazed at him and his burning face with a sheepish smile.

"Okay, love birds, congratulations, you've ended that weird tension between you." Kuroo clapped, the grin on his face slanting to the left while he turned [Name] around and pushed her towards her luggage. "Now go."

"God, Tetsurou, you suck." The team shared one last laugh, before [Name] finally turned her back on them with her suitcase dragging behind her. She looked over her shoulder to send them a wave. "Bye, you guys. See you soon. Take care of Gilbert for me."

When [Name] became a tiny, retreating speck getting lost among the sea of people, Yaku finally reacted accordingly—or as accordingly as he could. He didn't feel Kuroo smacking his back nor heard Lev whining because Yaku-san got [Name]-san in the end…

He could only gawk with unblinking eyes, whispering under his breath, "That wasn't stupid at all." But it wasn't like [Name] needed to know that.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

what's your opinion on Mel from tlou?

Tbh I feel like she sits in this collection of female characters - people like Lori from TWD, Skylar from Breaking Bad - where they are constantly shat on and called "annoying" and people fail to see their perspective and the intricacies of their characters just because they are women. And if they were men, they would be beloved by their fandoms.

To me, it doesn't matter if characters are "good" or lovable, if they are interesting and have an interesting perspective, have an interesting story, then I can't stand people shitting on them and reducing them down to one dimension and making them a villain just for personal convenience.

As an Abby fan, it is very easy to hate Mel. The whole "you're a shitty person, Abby. You always have been" thing makes Mel a very easy target for Abby stans. And I am not gonna lie, coming off my first interactions with TLOU2, I was like "bitch! Get away from my wife!"

But the more time I spent with the game and it's story, the more I came to appreciate the layers of her character and how she is really a desperate victim in the situation.

For one - she brings an interesting perspective to the fact that the Salt Lake Crew were child soldiers. On Seattle Day One, after Manny, Mel, and Abby's truck gets ambushed and they're trying to make it to the FOB on foot, they end up discussing the days of the truce - a time when the Seraphites and the WLF had peace and divided territory that the opposition wasn't allowed to cross into.

And through the dialogue, you can surmise that the truce was ended through one particularly brutal fight, in which the Seraphites used young child soldiers to cross into WLF territory, hoping the WLF would see that they were "just kids" and not kill them, and the WLF soldiers were forced to kill the child soldiers to keep the boundaries and keep the land.

In this conversation, Manny continually drives home the idea that the Seraphites are a crazed cult for doing the things they do, and that even though they were child soldiers, it was their choice to pick up arms and fight - clearly, he believes that it was his choice to he armed and fight when he was young, and not just a natural part of survival.

Mel is very firm on the idea that no child soldiers should have to be on the front lines of such a conflict because "they are just kids" and Abby is very quiet during the entire conversation - and this seems to be what softens Abby to the idea that one: they were child soldiers themselves. And it was fucked up.

And two: when she finds Lev and Yara, they deserve her help, because they are "just kids". It's at least one of the small factors that changes her mind about the Seraphites along the way.

The fact that Mel is willing to perform the surgery on Yara to help out, the fact that she's like seven months pregnant and she crossed through all the hellish territory that Abby did by herself just to catch up with Owen's ungrateful ass at the Aquarium.

I am not saying it's deserved, but it's no wonder she snapped at Abby. She probably knew that Abby and Owen cheated on the boat the night before (if Owen no-back-bone Moore didn't crumble and tell her, Mel probably found Abby's bra or something on the boat) and from her personal, she genuinely thinks that Abby is only helping Lev and Yara to get on Owen's good side. She doesn't know that Abby is having genuine personal reflection and wanting to change.

I think she's a character who is easy to hate on the surface, but if there are people who somehow genuinely like Owen, then there is room in the fandom to like Mel. Otherwise she is a sore victim of sexist goggles in fandom

[kdipshit]

Co-dependancy ;

April 4

I have the faith that what’s best for me will ultimately manifest. I can be honest and say I’m codependent in relationships, I usually focus so much on the person I’m with and the life we have together rather than myself and my own life with ME lol. I feel bad and uncomfortable and almost like I cheat on myself when I drink, which is driving me to stay sober. I received ‘The big book’ in the mail today free, provided by a lovely AA Group over in the state I attended via zoom, so I’ve been extremely grateful in my moments of reading. My relationship with sobriety is at peaceful and positive as I can possibly make it, sometimes I’m worried if I’m hiding everything with a positive attitude or if I’m truely positive about my experience, I really don’t know what I’m saying or how anything is coming out because I feel so…. Idk, like I’m facing the wrong way. I kept super busy today, because I feel guilt. I did my morning routine with guilt in the back on my head, I’m writing this now with guilt plastered all over it. Am I an enabler? Because I enabled myself to get drunk… how long do I feel guilt for. Guilt stems for the abandoned emotion on the emotion wheel I’m looking at, and if this is a sign to get into my abandonment issues well I guess its time to roll up the sleeves, I feel sad and a little defeated. Must I acknowledge in order to go forward? What needs to be done here?

My fear of abandonment seems to take over my body and pierce into my soul, over the years it has stopped me from getting close to someone all together, and distance myself from those inevitably close to me. I feel ashamed when I over share, in fear of someone I love leaving, I hold and hide things in, because thats what seems to push people away the most. I’m like a child hiding things away from their parent. Idk why that analogy came but fuck it, when my parents would drink, they would get into some nasty fights, and when I was a child I remember my mum kicking my dad out on multiple occasions and me and my brother crying, holding and begging for him to stay. He stayed most times, other times he wasn’t far, and would always come back. My dad never truely left, but he wasn’t always there. When I felt the shift of my parents with me, when I was 13-14, I felt abandoned, and angry. I felt like no one knew me because they didn’t want to, I felt like there was something wrong with me, I felt extremely alone… in a house full of family. I wondered what was wrong with me for so many years, because I couldn’t understand or comprehend it, there was nothing wrong with me. Maybe there was lol, I don’t know, I know that I felt normal until my parents stopped talking to me.

I don’t feel good or confident in my writings right now, but ill keep writing. My parents are judges, like not real ones, like the kind of people who judge others a lot, ridicule them for their mistakes. I was judged so hard I let them win and started judging myself the way they did me… my dad decided to throw in a little ‘the gym is not a fashion show just so you know’ after I expressed wanting to go to the gym with him, and the rest of my family lol. I said ‘I don’t go to the gym like it’s a fashion show why would you say that’ and then he said ‘I just know what girls are like’ ????? I said well don’t you know me? And he told me to shut up and he walked away, lol. My parents always shut down the conversation by telling us to either shut up, for fuck off. I’ve always wanted the conversation, the hard ones, the meaningful ones, the ones where we learn and where we dig, something not so surface lev. Is it just me? Who needs to know wtf is going on in order to understand it? I haven’t had a fucking conversation in decades

If my issue with substance abuse is that once I have 1 taste I need to have another, what I’m saying is I take it too far, every time with every substance, I just gotta get high. I have to feel the feeling, and once I feel It, I just wanna feel it more, thats my issue. And I forgot what I was gonna say about that because I was interrupted while writing lol. I would never ever want my parents to see the potentially mean light I see them under, but its the truth, but I would never want to hurt their feelings, yet they hurt mine so many times. I was a good kid, I was happy I was joyful I was playful I was loud I was TALKATIVE I as a good well mannered fkn kid. And then I was abandoned. I’m a different kinda fucked up mannnnn, I was LEFT, while under the same roof, I was done to them. Because they didn’t couldn’t let down what ever bullshit wall they had up, I was determined to know my parents, but they weren’t all that keen on me. I guess thats how I feel in every relationship I’m in, scared they’re gonna drop me, ill have no one, but ill be forced to be respectful when I was continuously disrespected, negated and left behind. And yanno, I wasn’t exactly friends with my siblings because I never came out of my room…. It was an unsafe place for me to be, outside my room. I was friends with my brother outside of my room bc we used to go to school together, we always went late coz mum & dad were already at work, I used to write our late notes, anyways idk, its just all making me now realise how grateful and happy I am with life at the moment, Im really starting to see a future for myself, which is crazy, I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I’m such a positive attitude bitch!!!!!! Honestly I can turn any thought into a positive one, and I unconsciously prove this to myself everyday, all my thoughts are positive, lol. Thoughts are just thoughts, but when they become overwhelming, at least make expositive, you have the power, its just forgetfulness that betrays us.

Im a cuddly and super a friendly person I like to give and show love when I love someone, it can be a bit intense sometimes lol, I don’t show this kind of love often, only to a very special few. I have a maternal kind of love, I just want to take care of you. Blah blah blah, I don’t think I can feel that kind of love again, I don’t know why, well, idk why I say shit like that because maybe I do know and maybe saying idk is a response you give when you don’t want to dig deeper, its like your personal ‘shut up’ you hear from your parents in your ear hahahahahaha. Idk Mann, I’m pretty blazed, so I feel good, its hot though, its also 8pm so my meds have kicked in and I’m teeeee ruuuurrddd.. BOUND2

I am the space between everything i can see. I am space. I could never really figure out what was wrong with me but I remember everyone being so pissed at me for doing some of my own business type shit, like I was extremely hyper active Sexually I was drunk like every day lol, so was everyone else in my house tho???? So what the fuck is wrong with ME. I’m doing the same shit y’all fkn do y’all mad. Okay that sounded a lot like old K, and I’m trying to be better.

[naaaaams]

Mama Refure and Papa Refure

[chickentendieboi]

ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʜᴏɴᴇ | ʟᴇᴠ ʜᴀɪʙᴀ

MINORS DNI ~ 18+

—tw: phone sex, masturbation, dirty talking

—wc: 2,186

☼ a/n: reposted from my account on quotev and wattpad

Masterlists: Main Masterlist || NSFW Masterlist

You were walking around your house, playing with a string on your hoodie, wondering what it is you could do right now. Lev was out of the country currently doing a photoshoot in England and you were just... lounging. Bored out of your mind and a bit horny.

Letting out a sigh, you looked at your phone and thought, judging on the time, Lev was probably on a break right now. Smirking to yourself, you dialed up his number and waited for the model to answer.

"Haiba." He answered with a stern voice, more than likely answering without looking at who it was.

"Hi babe." You purred out, keeping your voice a bit low and breathy.

"Excuse me one moment." You heard him say in English, recognizing the words since that's what he always says when you call him and he's in an English speaking country. "Hi!" You heard him perk up, noticing small chatter in the background.

"You're around people?"

"Yeah, I moved to the back of the room though."

"Hmm... I've got some things I'd like you to do for me." Your voice spoke with salacity.

"Oh?" You heard a peak in interest with how he spoke. "What is it you'd like me to do, kitten?"

Smirking, you took a seat on your sofa, leaning back and propping your feet up on your coffee table. "I want you to start touching yourself. Give your dick a nice massage for me, hmm?" The line went silent, only the sound of chatter reached your ears but then a breathy huff broke through, making your eyes darken. "Good boy." You purred, twirling the strings of your hoodie again, biting your lower lip. "Say my name."

His voice came out breathy and you felt your lower regions stir. "Y/N..."

"Are you hard?"

"Very..."

"Mmmm.That was quick." You purred, you could only imagine how Lev looked right now, pulled back into a corner, hard as a rock and you couldn't help but begin to feel hot and bothered. You loved how worked up Lev got when you spoke like this, when you made him do lewd things out in public. "Find somewhere quiet."

He eyed his sister Alisa, hoping she wouldn't notice his absence too fast. His footsteps were quiet, almost inaudible as he managed to make his way out of the filming room and down a hallway, struggling to find somewhere quiet. He was feeling quite uncomfortable, his erection rubbing against the tight black slacks he had on for his GQ shoot. You could hear small moans coming through the phone, people seeing him would probably think those moans were from a stomach ache or something, but you knew. You knew how much pleasure and anticipation he held.

He finally found his way to his empty dressing room, a meeting room that had been altered to hold hanging racks filled with clothes for the shoot, mirrors and benches for makeup.

You heard the door slam shut and the faintness of a lock being turned. "Mmm, making sure no one can walk in on you being all naughty, hmm?"

His breathing was a bit labored as his back hit the door, his legs wanting to find a place on the ground but he waited for your direction. "What do you want me to do, kitten?" He questioned using his pet name, a name he used not only in a lewd sensual way, but he'll call it out to you wherever and whenever. But it mainly triggered a want for him to hold you down, making you purr out your moans when he took you. Hard.

"I want you to slowly unbutton your pants and once you have them unzipped..." Your voice got low as it filled with deep desire. "I want you to take it out. Let my precious cock breath for a moment. But... Don't. Touch. It." You ordered and Lev followed.

Slowly releasing his erection from his path, he let out a breathy groan as he grew more, released from the constricting material. "Fuck..." He groaned, his shoulders rising and following with his breathing.

"Baby, find a comfortable place to sit." Your silky voice hit his ears and he obeyed willingly, although, he is always willing to do these types of things.

He rested down on a sofa chair, taking his pants and pulling it down just below his ass, allowing him to free his cock better, resting the material on his upper thighs. He spread open his legs, leaning back and since your hearing was so tuned into every little thing he did, you could hear as his breathing began to steady.

"Comfortable?"

"Very." His response was immediate, like he was hanging on to and waiting for every word you spoke.

You kept your voice steady as you brought your hand up under your hoodie, brushing over your quickly perked nipple. "I'm touching my breast... I want you to touch your chest and imagine that you have a hold of me."

Lev's hand reached up under his gray button up, palm trailing over his built body, brushing over his own nipples and he breathed in, wishing that he was in fact, grabbing onto your own breasts.

"Don't forget to breathe in and out, love." You breathily chuckled out, knowing how his breathing hitches when he's grabbing onto you.

"Mmm." He groaned out. "I want to feel you so badly." His voice was choppy, his arousal taking over his body.

Making your breathing louder, his cock twitched, drowning in your sound. "Lev." You dragged out his name. "Bring your other hand up to your neck, press down lightly, feel yourself up like I would. And I'll do the same."

Listening to your words, he brought his hand up, caressing his neck, going up to his jaw and raking his nails lightly down his skin to his collarbone. His groans were filling your ears and you could just picture how he looked. His cheeks were red, emerald catlike eyes beginning to droop as his mouth hung open slightly. You began to feel up your body as well, wanting so badly to shed yourself of your hoodie.

"Unbutton your shirt." Playing your own wants in your head, you imagined him unbuttoning his shirt as he did, miles away from you. You began to take off your hoodie, the time he took unbuttoning allowing you to take it off without making him wait. "Grab ahold of yourself." Your voice was barely above a whisper, allowing your voice to drip with salacity.

He let out a deep moan, his cock twitching in his hand as he finally grabbed a hold of himself, waiting to relieve the throbbing pressure. "Are you going to... touch yourself as well?" He questioned as he waited for you to give him the green light to stroke himself.

"Mmmm." You purred out. "My hand is already reaching down, slipping past my panties." You moaned out softly through the phone as you continued to tell him how you ventured your body. "MMmm, I'm sopping wet Lev." You breathed out. "God, so warm and wet." You continued to purr, making Lev twitch more as he held his cock stagnant.

His head fell back against the sofa, his hands itching to move. "Ba-abe." He breathily moaned out.

"Wanting to stroke yourself, huh?" The amount of control you had over him, even being miles away made you so much hornier. He could easily just begin pleasuring himself without you knowing, but not only did it turn you on, his arousal grew more and more letting you control the actions he took.

He let out a moan, confirming your words.

You began circling your clit lightly with two of your fingers. "Start rubbing yourself with me babe, make yourself moan, and don't hold it back."

Complying immediately, Lev started to stroke himself, his fingers dragging up to rub the precum dripping out of his cock. "Fuck, there's so much precum kitten and I've barely touched myself."

His lewd words made your pussy clench, leading you to rub down between your folds for a moment before returning to your sensitive bulb. You, as well, laid your head back, shimmying forward a bit, relaxing more into the sofa. "Tell me what they had you wear today for the shoot."

Lev's hand pulled at his cock as he pumped, moaning softly as he relieved the need to circulate his blood flow. "Hhaa..." He breathed out first before mustering up some control. "I'm wearing tight fitting black slacks, a light gray button up shirt. They had me place the black blazer for the shoot... over my shoulder..." He breathed out the last chunk of his sentence as pleasure filled his vision. "God..."

"Damn... You must look so sexy..." You breathed as well, imagining how nice his legs must look in those pants. "Hey... Remember that time you took me behind the bleachers our senior year of high school?" You questioned, letting his memories lead him to that night.

"How could I forget...? It was the first time I ate you out." His voice came through with half a laugh.

"Mmmm, it was after one of your games. You grabbed a hold of my wrist and brought me out to the vacant field."

He nodded to no one, just remembering the time he laid you on the soft grass. The make-out session leading him to lifting up your skirt. "You looked at me with such want."

You laughed out lightly. "Yeah, well, who wouldn't want their boyfriend to make them feel good?"

"I lifted up your skirt, toying with your panties before I moved them to the side... God, you were so wet and it was just from making out." He sighed, pumping himself just a bit faster.

"I was so shocked and kind of unsure... but the second..." You hummed out as you reimagined it. "The second your tongue hit my clit, God, I knew I was done for."

Lev allowed his memory to replay that moment, he had no clue what he was doing, all he knew was that he was doing something right with the way you squirmed above him. His eyes had locked on with you widened ones as he tongued your folds up to your clit, taking it in with his teeth, lightly teething before sucking on it, making you break eye contact as you'd dug your head into the grass.

"You slipped your tongue into me, driving me crazy, just as I am with my fingers right now. Plunging them into myself, feeling how wet and hot I am."

"Ahh shit, Y/N..." He moaned out, his heartbeat quickening with his pumping, feeling the need for his release, awaiting that feeling that'll make his pleasure soaring.

"Like that? Just like I like when you eat out my wet little pussy, melting me with your tongue... haah..." You moaned out, your own words heightening your pleasure. "Mmmm..." Your moan was broken. "I feel myself getting tighter Lev... Lev..." You moaned out his name, and he was about to lose it.

"Moan louder for me, kitten. Let me hear how much you're pleasuring yourself... Fuck..." His breathing was getting shorter, his cock twitching with pleasure as his hand kept massaging and pumping. His other hand was tangled in his own hair, his head level with the top of the sofa. His face was flushed, mouth ajar as moans began to flow from his throat.

"Fuck, Lev, it feels so gooooodd." You purred out, the sultry tone of your moans rising Lev's orgasm.

"Babe... I'm going to cum... Y/N..." He moaned out, struggling to hold in his orgasm, waiting for you to give him the go ahead, wanting to cum with you.

"I'm... haah..." Your moans started flooding out of your mouth as well, the pumping of your fingers tightening the coils in your body. "L...Lev... C-cum, I'm cumming... Ngghhaa." Your head fell back further into the couch as you felt your insides pulsing against your fingers, adding to the wetness that already enveloped your fingers.

Simultaneously, Lev released himself, white liquid pumping out of his cock, dripping down onto his hands as he continued to pump, riding out his orgasm with you, imagining the feeling of your flesh clenching against him. "Haa...aahh..." His shoulders relaxed as his hand fell down to his side. "Holy... shit..."

You let out a laugh, removing your fingers from the confines of your pussy and relaxing yourself. "Damn... That was good... Reminds me why I always itch to call you while you're working."

"Speaking of..." Lev began to get up, walking over to grab some tissues as his pants began to fall to his knees. "I should probably get back, hopefully I didn't get any... fuck I did..." He looked down to a cum stain and sighed. "Shit, gotta find something to spill on myself..."

You chuckled, biting your finger a bit as you slowly came down from your high. "Don't forget to think of me."

"When do I not think of you? I'll call you later."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

[eremiie]

you want it that bad don’t you?;

❥ 5k words | nsfw | mafia au | levi x reader

❥ being in the mafia isn’t fun and games— and levi has no problem reminding you.

❥ content: gun kink, rough sex, “sir” kink (?)

you tapped on your crossed legs as you sat in the waiting room, adjusting the black skirt that sat pretty on your legs, in anticipation and slight nervousness. hange rambled beside you, and you tried not to block her out but your own thoughts were quite captivating. you weren't sure how it happened but you fucked up big time, and you weren't sure how ready you were to face the repercussions.

"i mean how did you even manage that, ___? did you just shoot him in the head and go 'oh shit, i killed him.', you're in some sh-" you cut hange off with your own leveled tone, chuckling slightly at the irony of the situation.

"i know, hange, i know. it went something like that..." you shook your head and raised an eyebrow at her as she began laughing, the eyepatch over her eye raising up in the slightest as her cheeks did causing you to smile, a little light in the dark moment you were bound to face.

armin stepped out with a worried expression on his face, sympathy crossing it when he spotted your figure tensely lounging in the lobby chair. he nodded his head at you as you stood up nervously, you'd hope your relations with the underboss would save you. he gave you a shy half-smile and hange covered her mouth with an 'oooo' causing you to glare at her and shush her, your life was ‘at stake’ and her jokes weren't helping. "uh, ____... don levi is.. he's ready for you." armin's voice shook as he spoke, he seemed more worried than you.

"don't worry armin, i'll be fine." you reassured the timid boy. sometimes you wondered how he even got into the mafia, his short stature and soft looks were sure to be underestimated until he kicked ass, not to mention his intelligence probably made up where he was lacking.

"are you sure about that? did you see the way he kicked eren's ass just for him to even GET in the mafia? you're gon-"

"hange! please." you put up a hand to still hange's voice.

"better be lucky you're not taking this up with boss erwin." hange continued, causing you to earn another sympathetic look from armin.

you turned around to face hange, your eye twitching. did she know who you were dealing with? "you mean unlucky? i rather have him any day."

"okay, okay, i don't want to get in trouble too let's go!" armin ushered you to the grand door of the underboss' office, your heart thumping at what, or better yet; who would lie beneath it. you’d better whip something up before you entered the gates of hell.

armin knocked at the door twice before slowly opening it, he mumbled something to levi before looking back at you and opening the door wider, you took slow steps into the brightly lit office, the curtains on the windows in the back drawn shut so that the only light illuminating the office were the luxurious lamps that detailed every corner. you took multiple steps forward until the only thing separating you and the devil himself was a brown polished oak desk that was carved to perfection. beyond it? the intimidating subordinate of the boss, levi ackerman, his pristine hands supporting his face as his legs crossed. his black trench coat that you knew costed more than you would make from any mission adorning the brown leather seat that he sat on, his posture perfect just like every strategically placed strand of hair on his head.

you breathed in and put on your most charming smile, keeping your hands behind your back as you bowed at a 90 degree angle, if bowing all the way to your feet would save you, your head would've been drilled into the ground right about now.

"don levi, my favorite person." you started, as he eyed you intently, the scowl on his face growing by every minute you were in his presence. he stayed silent for a good moment before uncrossing his legs, the fabric on his jeans seeming to become cleaner by every dust of his hand.

"what happened." he snarled, hoping you would have a good reason that your captive was dead, which meant the mafia no longer had the upper hand on their enemies now. yes, you knew you fucked up big time.

"okay, so well.. you see, we were heading towards the hideo-"

"not that far back you brat. stop wasting breath and get to the point. why is our captive dead?" he snapped, leaning forward on his desk, your breath hitching in the slightest.

you took a step forward and placed all eight tips of your fingers on the wood tapping them slightly as you looked at levi with a face that showed remorse on all levels. "sir, the captive was seated in the back of the vehicle with us. his restraints were loosening and he was yelling at everybody in the truck, especially to me, the one with the gun." you started, puppy dog eyes beginning to grace your face as if that would help. "the whole time he was cutting the restraints with a knife when he was back in the seat, an-"

"and why did no one catch this?" levi interrupted, his face growing even more furious by the second you spoke.

"because... well we were all trying to get him to calm down, and-"

"for fucks sake weren't you brats trained to catch shit like this? now we're facing repercussions because he's dead."

"i didn't mean to kill him-"

"but you did. he's fucking dead, how did he die, caporegime?" he didn't even use your name, the way he addressed you by your title making you cringe in the slightest, backing away from the desk as he stood up and came around the desk, a gun slinging in his hand that wasn't supporting his weight as he now leaned against the table, waiting for your response.

"commander... i, he, he was waving the knife around and the truck, the vehicle was starting to go off of the road because," you took a huff of breath as you pulled your thin trench coat that was falling off your shoulders more over to conceal the small skirt and button up you had underneath. you crossed your legs as you stood, your black heels clinking as they shuffled on the ground. "well, i panicked,"

"you panicked?" levi scoffed.

"i came up with the best solution, which was to shoot him." you answered bluntly as you stared at levi, his eyes narrowing at you. you took a small step forward as he sighed. "levi-"

"the best fucking solution, ____?" great, back to a first name basis, "what happened to all the years you fucking trained for shit like this? you know combat and so does everyone else in the damn truck!" he began to come forward to you, gun moving around a little to reckless for your liking and you backed up even more.

"lev-, commander, sir, it was an accident! or else, everyone else and i would be dead!"

"an accident? tch? now if i shot you right now would it be an accident, ____?"

your back hit the wall as levi cornered you, the barrel of the gun now touching the cream colored walls as did your head. although levi was short, you were still deathly intimidated, your chest noticeably heaving up and down as the flimsy trench coat was pooling at your elbows, the button up your wore revealing your cleavage, and you sure didn't miss the small gaze from the underboss, his steely eyes connecting with yours once more.

you tried not to let the small smirk become noticeable on your face as you tilted your head up in the slightest, side eyeing the gun to your left then raising an eyebrow at levi directly in front of you.

"but you won't?" your response came off more as a question then an answer, you're nervousness still racking as levi's eyed widened in the slightest at the small disappearance of fear in your eyes.

anybody else in your position would've probably been beaten to a pulp right about now, or even dead. but luckily for you, your small relations with the underboss was saving your ass altogether.

the gun was lifted from the wall and slipped its way into your mouth harshly, and you could hear the 'chink' of the trigger as he cocked it back, your mouth struggling to close around the barrel. you could taste the steel of the device and you felt the coldness of the gun that matched the cold gaze that was upon you. you let your tongue slide around the front of the gun.

you were playing a risky game.

you placed your hands on levi's chest, causing the gun to falter in your mouth as he dragged it down to your chin. "levi, baby," he cringed, eye twitching at the lack of honorific as you let your hands glide down the tie around his neck, your trench coat dragging on the floor behind you as you walked forward, levi stepping back, still in contact with you.

"i can fix this.." you mumbled, causing the underboss to grab your wrists with one hand and swing them down to your sides, pinching the bridge of his nose as he walked back to his desk, refusing to be lead on by you. he knew his position and regardless of what you do or did with him, he couldn't let the way the coat lingered off your body, or the way the two buttons of your button up revealed the thin lace trimming of your bra, or the way your skirt was riding up as you were backed into the wall fool or distract him. he sat back in his seat and used his hands to speak, the gun in his hand flailing around as well.

"how can you fucking fix this? you're gonna get another hostage, huh? you know how hard it was to get him? you gonna deal with his fucking body? remember where you fucking stand _____."

you slowly walked towards levi, letting your coat fall completely onto the floor, levi going on his rant as you got on your knees in front of the tall leather rolling chair placing your hands on the matching black leather belt that levi wore, caressing it, letting your hands move side to side on it.

"i can fix this."

you looked up at levi with a look of sultry, the way your eyelashes only let a slight shimmer of your eyes seep through as you looked up at him, and the way that extra layer of gloss that coated your lips could be imagined around his dick made him let out a shaky breath as he gripped the gun in his hand tighter.

"get under the desk."

you stopped yourself from grinning as you used all fours to crawl, levi avoiding your gaze. once you were seated under the desk you took it upon yourself to unbutton another button, thanking the heavens that you decide to go for the dress shirt instead the other white mock neck that's still sitting in your closet of your studio apartment. you pushed up the black lace bra that you wore up to accentuate your breasts as levi twirled his seat until you were enclosed under the desk fully.

you began to unbuckle his belt, your hands lingering a little longer on the silver buckle before you unhooked it and folded it neatly, placing it on the floor beside you as to not anger levi any further. after all, he still had the steel weapon in his hand, as a matter of fact his arm hung loosely over the side of his chair, the gun in close range to you.

as you tugged at levi's unzipped pants he lifted his hips in the slightest to help you pull the jean fabric down, pulling his member out of the slit in his grey boxers. you smiled a little at the way it stood proudly because of you and looked up at levi who was now looking down at you, although he still avoided your eyes. you noted the permanent crease between his brows making his expression look even more angry. at what? you weren't sure, maybe it was your shit execution at your mission, or the fact that he was faltered and was letting you do this during his office hours.

you loved yourself.

before you could wrap your hands around levi's length he used his free hand to pull slightly on your ponytail that held your slicked hair back. "don't make a mess." he muttered before you placed your slender fingers around him. he sucked in a breath as you licked at his tip, his dick feeling like it was growing with every touch you made around him. the effect you had was incredible.

"yes, levi."

"sir."

"yes, sir."

maybe on any other day you wouldn't be so quick to comply, you had a bite to you, but you knew your limits and today wasn't the day. you puckered your lips and kissed the tip of levi's cock before going down on it letting it reside in the wet, warm heat of your mouth. "mm," you relished in the way it felt heavy on your tongue, and you let it sit there for a moment before beginning to bob your head up and down.

levi removed his hand from your hair, relaxing under you and letting out a shaky sigh, he didn't want to let you know how much he was actually enjoying this rendezvous but oh, you knew. you probably would have been more oblivious if it wasn't for the mere whimpers and grunts that left him, or if it wasn't for how silent the room was besides those same sounds that he stopped before they could vocally leave his throat.

you opened your mouth and swirled your tongue around his member, using your hands to get what you couldn't reach at the base of his cock, twisting your hands slightly as your worked at the top. you then placed your hands on his lap and picked yourself up in the slightest to go down on him as far as possible, humming, sending the vibrations down on his dick, the sensation running through his body. a slight shudder left levi, him preventing himself from bucking up into your mouth which he knew would cause a mess.

"did you like that, sir?" you pulled yourself off his tip for a brief moment, in an attempt to tease levi without you know... tempering the man. you continued to work at him with your hands as you looked up at him, fluttering your eyes and keeping your mouth open ajar. your lips were reddened and your lip gloss would need to be reapplied later.

"who told you to stop?"

you let out a small chuckle which you hoped levi didn't hear, and if he did he didn't comment on it because you hurriedly slipped him back in your mouth, giving a particularly hard suck that made whatever he maybe wanted to say stop short with a moan that he quickly covered up with a clearing of his throat.

you were so stuck on pleasuring the underboss that you didn't even realize it when he lifted the gun and twirled the chamber until it landed on an empty spot, before he shot it directly at in front of him to clear the cocked gun, returning it to its neutral state. the sound of the pressurized air leaving the barrel made you jolt and your teeth grazed his length as your jaw tightened, your heart rate speeding up until you realized you were fine.

but that didn't convince the snoopers lingering outside the door.

"i knew she was gonna die." hange shook her head with a pout as she sat beside the door to the office, not even worried about the risk of getting caught. "she didn't make a noise... hm, i'll never underestimate levi's aim again." she let out a small gasp. "imagine if he heard me calling him levi! i'd probably end up like ____." hange clutched her chest as she let out a small laugh, shaking her head once again at your expense and at her joke.

meanwhile, armin was pacing back and forth in front of the door trying to stop his tears from spilling. "hange! how can you joke about this when, when she could really be dead! you know lev- don levi would really... no, she can't be dead. i'm gonna check."

hange closed her eyes and tilted her head back as she listened to armin. "you know that's a bad idea! imagine if you went in there and there's just like blood everywhere, like-"

"hange!"

"well besides the blood, he'd probably shoot you too so there would be no witnesses. i'm just kidding, you'd just be in a bad spot. oh, but ma-“

"that's it, i'm going in." armin was shaking as he knocked on the polished door, making sure to use his small handkerchief to wipe off any marks his knuckle could've made. "sir, is everything alright?" his voice was awkwardly unleveled, it cracking halfway through his sentence.

levi's hand flew to your hair as he pulled it back in the slightest to stop your motions. "sh." he made sure he was presentable just in case, setting the now uncocked gun down on the desk before clearing his throat. "is there something you need subordinate arlert?" levi spit out his words in slight frustration.

armin twisted the door knob, looking away in fear at the sight of blood, gaze focused on hange who sat on the floor to the side of the door. "no, i, i just was making sure everything was okay, i... i heard a gunshot."

you smirked at the sound of armin's voice now clearer as he spoke. you thought for a second...

you know what? you decided to take a risk.

levi's grip in your hair was looser as he focused more on him and armin's small conversation instead of you and you took it as an opportunity to do the same hard suck you did earlier, levi's breath hitching, cause his voice to falter as he spoke to armin, his grip on your ponytail tightening once more.

"and that would be your business because, brat?"

you smiled at your success, trying to move your tongue despite the heat from your scalp as levi expressed his anger through his hold.

armin gulped and squeezed his eyes shut. "very well, sir. i'll be shutting the door now."

"and don't interrupt me again, that goes for you and anyone else in the hall."

"yes, sir."

and with that, you heard the heavy door shut and you knew what was to come. levi yanked your head back a scowl on his face as he watched your head abruptly bob backwards off his member, you licking your lips innocently.

"what the hell is wrong with you? do you have an actual fucking death wish?" he hissed, your ponytail feeling like it could rip off at any given moment.

"what if we got caught, huh?" levi rolled his eyes and scoffed in shock at your carelessness. he was such a tough nut to crack. "fuck..."

"levi, rel-"

"it's fucking sir. commander, captain, stop addressing me like we're equals." he let go of your hair and moved his steel grip to your shirt, gathering the white fabric in his hands as he pulled his chair back, pulling you from underneath the desk, panic ensuing in you. he pushed you back until your thighs hit his desk causing it to scoot back in the slightest as you stopped yourself from flying back with your hands.

"cap-"

"shut up. every word that comes from your mouth is irritating me."

you pursed your lips and watched levi study your face, his gaze constantly flickering down to your body as well, watching your disheveled form as your chest heaved up and down. frankly, you were afraid to even move, you were sure one more mistake from you would've made him burst. but, as you watched levi pull his member back through his slit you opened your mouth anyways. "commander, please." you didn't want to be left hanging, the wetness that was pooling in your own underwear wasn't going to fix itself.

"what could you possibly want." he stopped his motions for a minute, the desperate expression on your face reeling him in slightly.

you were frozen for a second, before you scoot back on his desk and pulled your skirt up it bunched up at your waistline. you hastily looked around before you grabbed the gun that was sat beside you and put on your best seductive expression. “captain..."

you spread your legs as you rubbed yourself overtop of the matching lace fabric of your bra, the newfound sensation causing you to bite your lip. you pushed aside your underwear as you teased yourself, letting your slick gather over the tip of the gun. you made sure levi was watching before you pulled it away and examined the tip before bringing it to your lips and slowly licking up your own secretions while looking up at levi, not missing the way his eye twisted, or the faint red that tinted his pale cheeks.

he stepped forward and you tried to contain your smile for the one thousandth time that night, before he grabbed the gun from your hands, staring you straight in the eyes and huffing, turning around. "captain!" you couldn't stop now, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards you until the tip of the gun was pressed against you once more the cold metal making your breath stutter.

your body tensed up, holding in a whimper as you looked at levi with a pout, using your other hand to turn his face towards you, your thumb brushing over his bottom lip.

his upper lip twitched as his eyes flickered down to your own. levi leaned forward until both of you were face to face. he leaned even closer so that your noses barely touched until you were staring deep into his rocky eyes, flecks of black outlining the grey, and then there was the abyss of his pupils.

"you want it that bad don't you?"

you whimpered again and your eyes fluttered. you let go of his wrist and placed both of your hands behind you on the desk, nodding your head. "yes, sir." you felt like you repeated for the umpteenth time.

"tch," levi glared at you before pulling down his boxers. "desperate, dirty."

and you didn't even care because you won, like you did most of the time.

you layed down on the desk causing levi to twitch as your head touched his papers, him quickly moving them to the floor and making sure nothing would fall or collapse, although he kept his desk mostly empty. you couldn't recall any pictures family members decorating the desk, the only thing you could remember probably being a stapler, papers, and maybe a nameplate. "mm, thank you captain." you smiled as you layed back and pulled your black undergarment off, sitting it beside you instead of flinging it onto the floor.

levi didn't respond as he grabbed your hips and pulled you forward, positioning himself at your entrance. you anticipated the way he would slide into you like he did everytime, slowly and carefully, always studying your expression to make sure he wasn't hurting you, and so he did this time as well. you groaned at the sensation of him entering you, every inch filling you up completely and you struggled not to make much noise, trying not to give any hints to what was happening in the large room. "sir..." you hissed as you felt him bottom out inside you.

levi groaned at the feeling of him being buried inside you completely, tilting his head down to look at the way he disappeared you completely, his mouth hanging open in the slightest, and it made you feel special. the way you were in this position, as other people could barely touch him.

"do i feel good?" you asked, propping yourself up on your forearms to see him inside you as well. levi didn't answer as he began to move inside of you, the wet noises of him pulling in and out raw filling up the room, causing you to throw your head back as you whined. "please, you can go faster."

levi did just that, picking up his pace, voluntarily rocking his hips as he moved inside of you causing the desk to shake. you moved your legs to the side of him and pulled him closer to you so he could hit deeper, careful not to let your heels touch his top. "fuck, le-, sir... i know you can go faster than that." you groaned.

levi clicked his tongue and his pace picked up again, him now initially slamming into you with every hit of your hips against each other, a slapping noise eliciting everytime, and your breasts now bouncing up and down from how hard he was pounding into you. "you gonna stop complaining now?"

his voice caught you off guard, as you looked up at him, your eyes half lidded, your mouth in an o-shape, and him staring back at you, his skin slightly shining almost as if he was about to sweat, and your skin reciprocating. "fuck, yes... it feels so fucking good."

you could feel that sensation tumbling in your stomach with every stroke, you're breathing become ragged as you tried to grab at the desk, you tightening around levi. “i think, i think i'm gonna come." you voiced, your eyebrows furrowing as you tried to concentrate on the feeling bubbling up inside of you. "can you make me?" you teased again as you threw your head back and arched your back, trying to make levi talk again. you could tell he wasn't the vocal type during sex. or maybe it was because you were in an office.

levi pulled one of your legs from behind him and scooted your body up on the desk, pushing your leg towards your chest as he looked up at you, his own mouth hanging open as he grunted with every hard thrust.

"remember where you stand, ____."

he drilled you harder, every thrust he made shaking your body and causing his dick to almost leave you completely every time, before burying you completely as well.

"yes, sir."

"call me that again," levi shut his eyes tight as he bit his lip trying to conceal his moans, forcing your leg down some more, pounding into you trying to reach his own high, his own feeling trying to crawl its way to the surface, he wasn't even worried about a mess at this point, the sound of his name plate clattering to the floor not even making him open his eyes.

"fuck sir, i'm almost there, please!" you whispered as you looked down to see your wetness gathering at levi's base, and that made you tumbled over the edge as you cried out, feeling every nerve in your body pinch as you climaxed, your forearms dropping to the table causing your back to hit the desk before you arched it. "levi!" you whimpered as he went even faster his own climax teasing him.

"fuck," he groaned softly before letting go of your leg and grabbing your hips, pulling you towards him as he released inside of you, letting his cum seep into you, a ragged breath leaving his throat before he hissed pulling out of you.

the both of you caught your breath and you rolled off of his desk with a smile despite your legs being wobbly while you stumbled to grab your underwear.

"hey," levi started as he wiped himself clean with a napkin he kept inside his desk. "don't get that anywhere." he used his head to motion down to your cunt.

"oh? your cum?" you knew he what he was talking about, and you laughed. "don't worry. i'm thinking about keeping this in me for a little while." you bit your lip as you pulled up your panties, patting them before you pulled down your skirt and started to button up your top again.

levi gave you a disgusted expression and sighed before shaking his head and spraying down his desk, wiping it down and placing his belongings back where they were while you dressed yourself up again, him already have gone through that process.

you picked up your trench coat off the floor in front of levi's desk before walking up to him slowly. "sir," you smiled, adjusting his tie, his irritated expression making you chuckle. "i told you i'd make it up to you."

levi scoffed and backed away, placing his miniature cleaning products back in his drawer after cleaning his weapon, and using the small cologne bottle in his desk to try to cover up the faint smell of sex in his office.

"you just make sure you get your situation under control. that's still not over. get two subordinates to help you out and get this shit fixed by the end of the week. you're not off the hook, and i still have to review this with boss erwin, i'm still under him."

you raised your eyebrow and scoffed. "so much for that god complex earlier." you mumbled as you walked away and towards the door.

"what?"

"nothing, captain."

"get out."

"alright, alright." you giggled as you tied the waist of your trench coat and opened the door to his office before stepping out.

"thank goodness, you're alive, we thought you died!" you were squeezed into a hug by armin and hange, hange hugging your feet as she was seated on the floor and armin's arms around your waist.

"what?" you questioned, pulling both of them off of you.

"so how'd you do it? how are you standing here to this minute, ____?" hange asked dramatically, shaking your legs as she spoke.

"hange what the hell, get up. what are you guys talking about?"

"we thought he killed you.." armin whispered, as his eyes darted between the door and your confused face.

you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, beginning to walk away from the door and towards the staircase of the building.

"please," you smirked to yourself as you added a small strut to your walk. "not in a million years. he wouldn't kill me."

trust and believe, you knew where you stood.

[todomochi-uwu]

Of Unspoken Troubles & Loving You (3/3)

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader

Warnings: Angst

Author’s Notes: Done.

"Don't worry, Toshi. We'll be okay."

Previous parts: First Second Second&Half

Tension filled the entire gymnasium, you could feel it, the players could feel it, the rest of teams could feel it, everyone was gathering around the court, watching as each of the teams gave out their best to try and beat the other.

Anxiety ran through your veins, your shoulders were tense and the need to vomit was becoming more prominent each second it passed, you knew damn well you might have caused all this stupid rivalry, and while an outsider might see it as an over-exaggeration, the thought of someone getting hurt was throwing you over the edge. You could see the face of each and every single one of the boys, you could see the desperation, the nerves, the tiredness; and you couldn't help but pity them, there was nothing left to say, there was no way to convince them, it just simply would be stupid to do it.

The ball flew by leaving each court, points were given and groans let out, sweat covered their entire faces and their breathing so heavy it could be heard across the room; it was already the third set and none of the teams had asked for a time out, no one was giving up. It wasn´t until the mandatory rest at the half of the set that you could finally approach the boys.

"Hey boys, please take it easy. I don't want anyone getting hurt, okay? Please remember this is only a practice match, nothing to lose here." You try and calm them up, passing out water bottles, just as you were making sure everyone was okay, the rigidness of a chest crossed your way.

You looked up and couldn´t help but get flustered at the sight, Ushijima's breathing was heavy and sweat drops ran down his face, he sported the same stoic face as always but the look in his eyes was trying to tell you something, he longed for something and you knew what it was, wondering if you should give in and just comfort him, but once again the words 'Manager, not captain' filled your thoughts, and suddenly the urge washed away. "You are giving your best Ushijima san, but remember not to overwork it, Washijou wouldn´t like for you to pull a muscle." Patting his shoulder, you made your way to the rest of the team.

You were helping Tendou bandage his fingers, which were now red and bloated from all the blocking he had done, every time you would pass the bandages around them he would let out a small hiss, "You know, he didn't mean to be an asshole, he´s sorry for what he did." Tendou mumbled, making you frown "I see, so that´s why you are here apologizing for him." Tendou tried again, "Y/N…" "No, Tendou. I'm more than tired." You got up, finishing the last touches and going next to make sure Goshiki was okay.

-

The rest of the match was even worse, Kenma could barely breath and the look that covered Kuroo's face was one of pure frustration, the board wasn´t looking good for his team, 24-19, and while they had managed to win a set, he didn't think they could get away with the victory.

And while they tried their very best, in the end, it wasn't enough.

Everything was over, and while everyone seemed satisfied enough that the match was over, Kuroo couldn't help as if he had to prove himself to you. Feeling ashamed that even at this moments, Ushijima had managed to surpass him.

"Good job, guys!" You came running with towels and a box full of energy drinks, making sure everyone had one, even Nekoma. After reassuring all of them were okay, you spotted a very tired man sitting by the benches, head low, covered by a white towel and gasping for air still. Kuroo.

You approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him, "Hi." Your voice was small, not knowing how he would react.

He raised his head, the look in his eyes said everything, "Hey."

Few minutes passed by, no one knew what to say next.

"I knew that maybe we didn't stand a chance, but this is a new kind of humiliation." He giggled humourlessly.

"Kuroo…" You tried, before he continued, "I'm not mad at you, it would be stupid to be. I just can't believe that asshole has absolutely everything right in front of his fucking nose and yet he doesn't seem to care." He shook his head, desperation filling his veins, clouding his vision. "Fuck this." He got up and the process he kicked the bench next to him, making his way down the gym.

"Kuroo?" You followed him, worried for what he might do.

His pace didn't stop or faltered, his eyes screamed in fury and his body language indicated only one thing if Ushijima wasn't going to realize by himself how lucky he was, maybe he would have to give him a clue.

Meanwhile, you kept trying to stop him, reason with his logic and the thoughts that fogged his mind, but nothing worked, he was determined to do something.

"Ushijima!" The raw voice filled the hallway, making the miracle boy turn around. His features hardened at the sight of you behind Kuroo; he didn't say anything but didn't back down. "You are a fucking jerk, are you aware of that?"

Nothing you could say or do would change the current situation.

"You. You fucking idiot." His finger pointed directly, coming closer every second. "You have absolutely everything I have been killing myself for, you are monster in volleyball, we get it, but you also got her?" This time the attention was directed at you, making you uncomfortable, "And yet you dare ignore her and treat her like a piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you are?" He couldn't hold back anymore, pushing his hands against Ushijima's chest, he kept going, not worrying about the consequences, "You don't deserve it, you don't deserve the love she's giving you." The final straw, "And for that, I'll make sure you don't get any more of it."

Snap.

Everything seemed so blurry, one moment to another Ushijima was on top of the middle blocker, punches flying everywhere, curses and threats were thrown and terror swallowed your heart.

Tendou and Reon trying to hold back Ushijima while Bokuto and Lev tried to do the same for Kuroo, it had finally blown up and you couldn't help but feel responsible.

Coaches surrounded the boys, dragging them apart and lecturing them in what just had happened; feeling completely useless you made your way outside, trying to clear your thoughts.

Was all of this necessary? Ushijima might be oblivious and blunt, but you loved him; he was also having a hard time and you knew it, yet decided to go on.

And what about Kuroo? Why did you have to get him involved in your mess? He was doing more than okay, yet you were selfish enough and dragged him.

If it was love, whatever you seemed to be in, why was it so difficult to feel happy? It surely shouldn't be like this, you should be able to communicate all your worries to Wakatoshi, it should not be this difficult, and to this, you worried. Was Ushijima the real problem here, or was there something more to it?

-

Making your way down to the nursery's office, know full well Ushijima and Kuroo would be there, not being quite ready to face them, not knowing what to say or how to act, you just knew you had to see them.

Sitting down on a bench next to the door was Kuroo, he was holding an ice pack to his right cheek and small bandages covered his lips along with some cream covering the small bruises in his nose. The sight of his face alone made your heart feel even heavier. "Hey, cry baby." He mumbled.

"Hey." You sat down, trying to find the right words. "You look like shit." God, why are you like this?

"Yeah? You should see what I did to him." He said lazily, "He doesn't punch as hard as I think he would, do you think he was holding back?" He smirked, before wincing out in pain.

"I am sorry."

He gave you frown, "Why?"

"I dragged you into all this mess, and now you are hurt. It was my mess to deal with and I involved you in it, for that I am sorry."

"You didn't do anything, I decided to be here and while I didn't expect it to turn out this way, I'm glad." He gave you a reassuring smile, cracking a little bit when the pain kicked in once again.

"You are a moron."

He giggled, "Yeah I might be, but I also know about who feels like an even bigger idiot." He sighed, "We had a little bit of a talk, and turns out he is aware of the problem; he owns it completely and is willing to try to make things better, but…"

He hesitated.

"I'm not sure about what you want."

You sighed, shaking your head "To be quite honest I don't know. I mean, I still love him, he's not a bad person and I'm sure he still loves me, but…"

"But…"

"But I'm not sure if it's the best thing to jump into it right away, maybe we should go back a few steps, you know?"

"I completely understand, and I know he will too. Just talk to him, he loves you enough to give you time and space, or to let you go if that's what you want."

Nodding, "I don't want him out of my life."

"And that won't happen but for now tell him how you feel, it'll be okay."

…

"Hey, Kuroo?"

"Yeah?"

"When we first met, you talked about going through the same situation, care enough to explain?"

"Fuck, I did talk about that huh? Well, let's just say I was taken for granted, treated like shit and I went through this spiral of lies and obsessive thoughts that emotionally destroyed me, that made me doubt myself, my friends and every single thing I believed in." He rubbed his hands, looking out the ground, "When I got out of it I felt so empty and dead on the inside I genuinely considered never dating again; it might sound like an overreaction, but I was so numb to the entire world I didn't think love was worth anything. And then, someone came in and made me realise that maybe, just maybe it wasn't my fault, it was my abuser's fault, that I wasn't at fault for giving my all to someone who just drained me, they helped me and now here we are." He looked into your eyes, "Sometimes I wonder if the trauma would have healed faster if they had appeared while I was still in that hell, instead of after. That´s why I felt the urge to help you, and while Ushijima is nowhere an asshole as my ex was, you were hurting and I hated seeing it."

"Kuroo…" Tears filled your eyes, threatening to fall.

"Oh common, please don't cry, I'm on the other side now and everything's okay."

"Do I know them?"

"Huh let's see, they are just as weird as you, but a little bit less annoying I guess." You groaned in annoyance, "I'm kidding, but yes you do know them."

"Aren't you going to tell me?" Before you could continue complaining the nursery's office door opened, and here he was, the giant, buffed, airheaded man you called your boyfriend.

Standing up you met his gaze, there was no coldness in it, no hate, no malice, just pure longing and regret, and your hurt couldn't help but clench. Taking his hand in between yours, you caressed it, making him shiver.

"Don't worry, Toshi. We'll be okay."

…

"So you want to break up?" He furrowed his eyebrows, his hands felt clammy and his breathier became a bit quicker.

"Not quite like that, I think we jump into a relationship way too quickly, we barely even knew each other and even if we have been in this for some months now, we are not working out as we should."

"I will try harder, I swear," He mumbled.

"And I know you will, I trust you to do it, but how about we make our priorities the things we love right now? Like you win those nationals and I focus on getting into university?"

"I didn't know having me impeded your education."

"It's not, but I want to know what's like to look out only for me, to know I'm not chasing anyone, just for a little while."

He nodded, didn't say a word for a few minutes, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel as if you were chasing me. I missed my chance and I understand it. Know that I still love you and will keep on doing it, and I respect your decision of letting things between us end." He vowed and turned around, not sure how to processed what just happened.

"Ushijima." "Yes?" Locking your arms around his waist, looking straight into his eyes and caressing the side of his face, "I am not letting you go, I can't. This is just for me to be able to heal, but I still love you Wakatoshi, please don't forget that."

His arms surrounded your waist, leaning his head against the crook of your neck and nodding, his body shaking slightly "Okay."

Tags: @samanthaa-leanne @missalienqueen @anime-weeb-bnha @minnieminnie00-got7 @ama-suhen @iiwah @saeranoppa @4ambagelbites @sunaswife @puma-d-a @lionhearteddame @ix-elastix @dudejuststop @pruemania @salty4tsukki @wonderblogger @animexholic @kenmascateyes @aralynxo @decaffeinatedcheesecakemiracle @tsibba01 @softkookyy @nnessworls @xxitsaeonxx @hallothankmas @sinex @shinhiromi @killuaking @icedberrytea @foreverdebbie​ @nati-08​ @amoursa​ @lilolpotato​big @bigtitmisfit​ @itzgabz22​ @holographicwriter​ @aonenthusiast​ @flmshneverbreaks​ @yeolliedokai​ @cyber3lf​ @lyrxbz​ @nikkiandherrandomshits​ @josieveli​ @ryk-iok​ @lueurdeespoir​ @vee-77​ @keiwaii @katxsukishima​ @sweetpeas-serpentprincess​ @russiankgbspecialagenta​ @decaffeinatedcheesecakemiracle​ @ilhy2003​ @psionic-s​ @feifood​ @katsukispointyhair​ @amoursa​ @crystal-lilac​ @uwu4ushijima @crescenttooru @cuddlesslut​

[realcube]

haikyuu!! boys dating you for a bet then falling hcs 💘

characters: oikawa, kuroo & osamu 

tw// angst to fluff, swearing, sexual references - minor dni!

OIKAWA’S AND KUROO’S ARE AGED UP !

thank you anon for this request 😚

Tōru Oikawa

everyone on the team was teasing him for getting broken up with bc he was ‘too obsessed with volleyball’

he had finally had enough and made a bet with iwaizumi, matsukawa and hanamaki that he could get a s/o quicker than any of them

they accepted ofc but that’s when oikawa learned that hanamaki was already talking to a girl he liked which meant that it was a race against time for oikawa to find someone to date

in reality, he had no interest in dating atm but he had to do this for the sake of his pride

he settled on asking you out bc you were his lab partner for chemistry and even before the bet, he was making playful flirtatious banter with you but it’s not like he had any real feelings for you which meant that breaking up with you afterwards would be simple..right?

also, asking you out would be an easy win

and it was 🤠

oikawa won the bet and regained some confidence which meant he was now free to break up with you

buuuut y’all had only just started dating so he didn’t want to break up with you before the first date so he postponed the break up until after y’all went to the movies together

then the night came - he had just came back home for your first date at the movies, he took you to see an alien invasion movie and you said you loved it

he stared at his phone which was open on IMessage, on your contact; his fingers hovered over the keypad but the words didn’t come to him the way he expected 

the more he thought about, he realised that you guys hadn’t even had your first kiss yet and he wanted to give you a sweet memory to leave you with before he inevitably dumped you so he decided to postpone the break-up again, until you guys had your first kiss 

and since his messenger was open, he invited you on a second date to the park where you had your first kiss over a shared cone of vanilla ice-cream

honestly, he had such a great time on the date that in the moment, he completely forgot about the fact he had to break-up with you so here he was again, sitting on his bed and looking down at his phone glumly as he searched his brain for the right words to say 

but when he allows his mind to wonder for too long, it always comes back to one thing

so figured that he’d hold off breaking-up with you until your first time and from there — depending on how good you are — he’ll decide whether he wants to dump you or keep you around just as a side fling

the day eventually came three months later, not that he was complaining though as he’s developed a lot more patience since he’s started dating you 

you had just came back from a date at the bowling alley and something about seeing Oikawa in bowling shoes and a partially unbuttoned shirt was enough to make you go feral so as soon as you arrived at his house, y’all went for it

in all honesty, sex with you just hit different for oikawa

it was nothing like he’s ever experienced before

like it was kind, sensual and filled with mutual praise and he truthfully never wanted it to end but once it did and he was sprawled out on the bed next you, breathing heavily with your fingers intertwined, he realised that he didn’t want to break up with anymore

the last 4 months that you guys have been dating, truthfully was the best time of his life, like he feels so happy and genuine when he’s around you, there’s no way he’d leave you now

‘I love you, (y/n).’ he hummed, turning his head to the side to look at your peaceful figure laying next him - god, you’re beautiful

‘I love you too, Tōru.’

Tetsurō Kuroo

him and bokuto had a bet to see who could fuck more ppl in a month 

the third year gym squad gc was confused but not too confused i mean this is kuroo and bokuto we’re talking about

akaashi, kenma and tsukishima were all disapproving of this idea for their own reasons

akaashi thought it was immoral while kenma and tsukishima thought it was just a ‘who can get an std first competition’

as for hinata and lev, shōyō had his bet on bokuto while lev was rooting for kuroo

kuroo was going to start his hunt for sex partners at the club tonight but he had already agreed that he’d do the business assignment with you tonight and since it was a partnered thing, he’d feel guilty if he opted out last minute 

he sat on his bed while you took a seat at his desk, working away at the project while kuroo ‘supervised’

kuroo was bummed that bokuto was probably getting laid rn while he was stuck in his room doing an assignment- WAIT

you were here with him ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ and he was like..90% sure you had the thing for him soooo

he immediately sprung up from his bed and shuffled towards you, grabbing your hips to momentarily lift you up so he could pull you away from the project and onto his lap as he sat on his bed, tracing your jaw with his finger

‘time for a break~’ he cooed in your ear, massaging your thigh with spare hand, ‘only if want though, doll.’

xdfghj OFC YOU DID

consent = given ✨

kuroo = hard

your sex = destroyed

ass = red

you = overstimulated as hell 💅

if you started during the day, expect the sun to have gone down by the time y’all were finished

he offered to take you on a date so you both could do this again sometime and you said yes

but he reassured himself that you were only a hook up- definitely nothing serious- no feelings whatsoever

so a week later, he took you on a sweet, wholesome date to a carnival and you got railed afterwards 🥰

your next few dates went in a similar way until one fateful day where you were just..tired

neither of you really wanted to smash tbh, you were just happy laying in each other’s arms 

and as time went on, you guys went on more dates where there was absolutely no sexual activities, just sweet intimacy 

and he...... liked it 

why did he like it???

you were nothing more than a sexual relief to him, right??

so why did he enjoy cuddling with you so much? shouldn’t he be fuckin you rn? but he didn’t want to...like he was lowkey vibin with you in his arm while watching modern family 

then he looked down at you in his arms, the light of the screen highlighting your features beautifully

‘i think i might actually want to marry you one day.’ he blurted out, lightly tracing the bridge of your nose with his finger

this caught you off-guard so you looked up at him, an adorable pink blush dusting your cheeks, ‘really?’ was all you could think to reply 

‘yeah.’

Osamu Miya

ofc it was a bet with atsumu ofc it was a bet with atsumu 

‘who could get the hotter s/o competition?’ and suna would decide who wins

the twins had a month to get a s/o who was hot asf

so osamu asked you out in maths bc you were the most attractive person he kinda already talks too

you said yes as you sorta kinda maybe had a lil’ thing for him

however, he didn’t even ask you out on a date

in fact, he barely even talked to you after he asked you out until the day came where suna judged which miya twin won the bet

osamu did ofc 

then he kinda forgot y’all were dating until one day you snapped him with the caption ‘???’

he was like ‘hey’

sorry i firmly believe he is the driest texter

anyway he felt bad for neglecting you for over a month so he said he’d make it up to you by taking you out to dinner

but he promised himself that dinner was only an apology and right afterwards, he’d cut you off

he was scrolling through his phone, looking for places to take you and although he wanted to just get take-out, even he knew that fast-food probably wasn’t a very romantic date idea

wait- he didn’t care about it being romantic- did he??

eventually he settled on an expensive restaurant bc getting you a take-away probably wasn’t a very good apology 

so anyway he took you out and he actually had a pretty good time ^^ 

i mean, when you coincidentally ordered the same thing off the menu as him- he kinda caught feelings

osamu would definitely realise that he fell for you faster than oikawa and kuroo

just the way his hand just feels a pull towards yours when you’re walking side-by-side is a dead giveaway

so once the date is over and he dropped you off at your house, instead of breaking up with you as he planned, he simply placed a tender kiss on your forehead and smiled, ‘we should do this again soon.’

when he saw the way your face lit up and you squealed slightly, he knew he made the right decision

[moririki]

⤷ AN EIGHT-LEGGED PROBLEM

OIKAWA TOORU & SAKUSA KIYOOMI & HAIBA LEV & MIYA ATSUMU X READER -> 1.8K
you save your boyfriend from a massive problem which is currently in the corner of your bathroom )

REQUEST -> n/a
CONTAINS -> spiders, bugs, you picking up said creepy crawlies, hq boys being no! help! at! all! (but that's ok bc we love them for it), fanon-ish sakusa cos i haven't read the manga and he had like 5 seconds of screen time so i'm just going off of what i've read + seen, clear favouritism despite the fact that i know basically nothing about sakusa, manga timeskip spoilers in sakusa's
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> haven't seen one where the reader is the one in the relationship who takes care of bugs so since i'm a #girlboss who throws spiders out of my room whenever i see them without breaking a sweat i'm writing that into a fun lil thing with the haikyuu boys that i strongly believe are scared of bugs. also besides the point but look at the pretty colour palette that their banners make fjfjfjdj will go back to writing the requests after this! inspiration just struck

❍ OIKAWA TOORU

-> omg this fucking guy

-> don't let his pride fool you this man HATES bugs with a burning passion

-> he'll never admit it though

-> between you and the aoba johsai team he would never hear the end of how the great king oikawa would cower at the sight of a moth doing laps around a lightbulb

-> so when you pretended not to hear the shriek that left your boyfriend when he saw something flying around the bathroom light and he declined your offer to get rid of the moth for him, this left oikawa in a pretty difficult situation

-> it was just him alone in the bathroom, trying to brush his teeth while eyeing the bug warily

-> you came in a few minutes later, getting ready to go to bed as well

-> "you know, babe, that moth's been there for quite a while," you teased him

-> oikawa hummed in response, his eyes never leaving it as it continued its circumnavigation of the light fixture

-> "oh, you know. who am i to kick someone out of their home? i'm no monster"

-> you almost snorted at how poor of an excuse that was, but ruffled your boyfriend's hair anyway

-> "i'll take care of it, ru, you just finish getting ready"

-> "but y/n-chan, that moth has feelings! don't be mean to it!"

-> you gave tooru a very blank stare at that

-> "so do you want me to leave you alone with your new friend?"

-> "......no"

-> "that's what i thought"

-> you went up to the moth, managing to trap it in your hands before releasing it from a window

-> oikawa shuddered as you came back to the sink, giving your hands a quick rinse before resuming with brushing your teeth like nothing had happened

-> "you're so brave, my love"

-> "anything for you, babe"

❍ SAKUSA KIYOOMI

-> bless this poor boy

-> so it's no secret that sakusa isn't the fondest of germs

-> and that extends to bugs and spiders too

-> besides a normal amount of disgust that he held for them, the thought of where the insects had been or placed one of their many feet on never failed to make his skin crawl

-> that's where you, his wonderful significant other, comes in

-> as much as he loves you, he just can't understand how you always stared at bugs with wonder in your eyes

-> you'd even pick them up, cooing at the way they crawled up your arm while sakusa just stared at you in disbelief with a can of bug spray in hand

-> tonight was one of those swelteringly hot summer nights

-> you know, the ones where the air seems to be still no matter how many windows you open and every insect in a mile radius is actively trying to enter your home

-> you were spending the night at your boyfriend's apartment, ready to have a relaxing night in with him since your schedules had finally synced up and allowed you both to enjoy a day off at the same time

-> it took months of trust before sakusa finally admitted to you how much he enjoyed doing skincare

-> so whenever you two spent the night together, you decided to start the evening with some face masks and idle binging of a tv show

-> against his half-hearted protests, you had insisted that sakusa wore a headband while this happened (one that had a very cute duck face printed on it)

-> just to keep the curls out of his face, of course

-> whenever he caught you sneaking a candid of him with facemask and duck headband on, he just shot you a halfhearted glare and threatened you to never send that to atsumu or the rest of the msby team

-> (you set it as your home screen instead)

-> anyways, i digress

-> so tonight you decided to cool down from the heat with a few facemasks and cuddling in your boyfriend's heavily air conditioned living room

-> but he kept all his skincare stuff in the bathroom, so you went to go get them as he set up a show to watch along with some snacks

-> you flicked on the light, going to his cabinet when something in the corner of the room caught your eye

-> there was a fairly large spider, desperately trying to crawl up the smooth tile wall

-> you decided to take pity on it and release it

-> but when you had it cupped safely in your hands, you decided to terrorise your poor boyfriend just a little

-> "hey, omi, look what i found!"

-> your boyfriend perked up at your signature nickname for him, though his eyes narrowed as he saw your clasped hands held in front of you

-> "no"

-> "but baby, you haven't even seen-"

-> "no"

-> you giggled at how defensive he had become

-> "come on, don't you want to name it? it's very cute"

-> "i want you to throw it out, y/n"

-> "alright, alright"

-> you took the spider to a window, releasing it back outside before heading back to the bathroom and grabbing a few masks for real this time

-> sakusa gave you the cold shoulder as you sat down next to him, humming as you gave him a face mask and putting it on without a word

-> "aww, baby, i'm sorry"

-> "..."

-> "i'll give you a head massage if you stop ignoring me?"

-> sakusa turned to you, his eyes narrowed in thought as he stared you down

-> the act soon broke, though, and he smiled against the sheet mask that was on his face

-> "it better be a good one," he huffed as he tugged the duck headband off, already sighing at the sensation of your fingers against his scalp

-> "omi, come on, what do you take me for?"

❍ HAIBA LEV

-> ngl lev gives off equal amounts of being terrified of like the tiniest spider or just finding bugs insanely cool vibes

-> it's funnier to imagine this 6-foot-something guy scramble away from a fucking crane fly in terror though so this is how it's going to play out

-> when you invited your giant of a boyfriend to your flat, you didn't anticipate just how small he made everything appear

-> he even towered in your doorway, having to stoop to step through into your hall

-> "woahh, i love your place!"

-> it was his first time staying over for the night, and lev was making sure to drink in every aspect of your interior design

-> you found it sweet of him, and watched as he stared in wide-eyed wonder at the little trinkets you had collected over the years to make your small apartment seem more like a home

-> you didn't expect him to scream at the top of his lungs and practically run back to you, though

-> you jumped at the sound, watching as he scrambled away from your lamp and pointed back at it with a shaking finger

-> you squinted at it, making out the very menacing form of a crane fly as it bumped into the lampshade and continued on its path

-> "lev, you big baby," you giggled, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass and trap it

-> "y/n, don't leave me alone with it!" he yelped, and you rolled your eyes at his antics

-> you came back, smoothly capturing the insect and throwing it out of a nearby window

-> lev was sat on your couch the whole time, hands covering his eyes as he curled in a ball

-> "is it gone?" he asked, and you you giggled at how childlike he was acting at the moment

-> "it's all good, baby" you smoothed his hair and lev gratefully leaned into your touch, a sigh of relief leaving him

-> "thank you, y/n"

-> "i'll get rid of all the bugs in the world for you, lev"

❍ MIYA ATSUMU

-> gives off the vibes that he used to eat bugs as a child i'm sorry but

-> have mercy on his soul lmao

-> so twins are supposed to be identical right?

-> anyone who spends more than a few minutes around the miya twins know that that's a complete fucking lie

-> and you've had the misfortune of being friends with them for a very long time

-> like your mums were friends and you were all born around the same time

-> you've been pulled into their shit before you could walk or talk

-> so you're well aware of just how different these mfs are

-> even though they were both absolute bastards, osamu always had a slightly more mellowed out approach which would always end up with atsumu getting the blame for what they got up to

-> especially as a child, osamu loved to terrorise his twin with the unwilling help of you

-> one of the ways was through osamu exploiting one of his twins' fears

-> that being bugs and spiders

-> he always cackled at the sight of atsumu screaming and trying to run away from him due to the spider he was holding

-> as they both grew up, this became less of a frequent thing for osamu to do

-> you also somehow started dating atsumu, but nobody could exactly pinpoint a moment that signified a beginning to your relationship

-> but since you're dating the world's biggest manchild in disguise, and osamu gets annoyed with atsumu quite easily, you would have to swoop in to rescue him from time to time

-> recently the twins had been getting a little snappy with each other, and it had yet to sort itself out

-> from what you had heard your boyfriend was in the wrong this time, but you still listened to him whine and rant about it

-> you were going to the inarizaki school gym to say hi to your boyfriend and best friend before practice started, only to see absolute chaos unfolding

-> with kita yet to arrive, the twins were effectively unleashed and that much was clear with the way atsumu was practically screaming his head off as he ran around the gym

-> your eyes took in the rest of the players- aran had his head in his hands, suna was snickering with his phone out to record the newest miya twin fight, and osamu's deranged laugh could be heard above everything else as he chased his brother, hand held out in front of him

-> only one thing was capable of making atsumu scream like that, so you already knew what was happening

-> atsumu quickly spotted you hovering in the doorway, and made a beeline to where you were

-> his eyes were panicked, and you were quick to wrap him in a hug as you shot osamu a nasty glare over his shoulder

-> literally this lmfao

-> "that's enough, 'samu"

-> your best friend paused, before a smile spread across his face as he dangled the centipede in front of him

-> "you know it was rubber, right?"

-> you felt your boyfriend tense in your arms and you bit your lip to stifle a small giggle

-> but at least they would be back to normal by the end of today

back to the menu - ,, 🕷 ·˚ ༘ ꒱

[t0wnspersonb]

Tease (Kuroo Tetsuro x Reader)

Rated: slightly explicit 

Word Count: 2,805

Summary: It’s the summer training camp, and naturally as Nekoma’s manager you attend as well. The ongoing tension between you and a certain captain gets too much to handle, and you find yourself in a compromising position late at night.

Warnings: Bokuto being Bokuto, fluff, confessions, make out sessions, grinding, my shit writing

I literally love all of the Haikyuu boys so much it’s ridiculous. I’m a fucking simp ya’ll. I hope you enjoy this spicy mess. I wanted to try something new compared to my usual fluff I write for this particular anime:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood next to Coach Nekomata as he yelled at Kenma for avoiding the ball once again. You giggled softly to yourself at the second year's expression before writing down quick notes of the game.

 You guys were just beginning the summer training camp, and it was off to a good start; maybe not so much for Karasuno though.

 You hummed softly to yourself as you went to gather up the water bottles and towels for the team, seeing as how the practice match against Fukurodani was almost over. You were crouched down as you were rearranging the bottles when you heard shouting.

 “Y/n-chan watch out!” you heard Yamamoto call out, a stray volleyball was headed in your direction, but you had easily received it, sending the ball back into the court. The familiar sting on your inner forearms was not anything new.

 You had spent countless hours with the team, watching them practice their receives and somehow being roped into it despite being the manager.

 And strangely enough, you were actually quite good at it. 

 “Lev!” Yaku shouted angrily, winding up to kick the first year. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop flailing around!? Y/n-chan almost got hit with that ball! Apologize now!”

 “I’m sorry Y/n-senpai!” Lev apologized, bowing in your direction. 

 You waved him off. Despite how good you were at receiving the ball, there were definitely times where you had taken one to the face. “Don’t worry about it Lev. Although, your receives have been terrible during this game, it makes me wonder if you would have been able to receive that ball if you were in my position. Just something to think about.” You said coyly.

 “Y/n is better at receiving than you Lev.” Kenma said. “And she doesn’t even play.”

 “If we lose this game Lev, you’re going to practice receiving with Yaku until your arms fall off.” Kuroo chimed in as well, his eyes flickering over to you briefly, glancing across your body to make sure that you were actually okay.

 The tall first year was incredibly dejected, causing you to laugh slightly at your underclassmen. Practicing with Yaku was hard work, you knew that all too well.

 “Oh that was good form Y/n-chan!” Bokuto praised from the other side of the net. “You looked good doing it!” he gave you a thumbs up.

 You could see Kuroo scowl out of the corner of your eye and smirked slightly to yourself. “Thanks Bokuto. But not as good as you when you’re doing your crazy straight.” 

 The entire Nekoma team and Fukurodani team rolled their eyes at this. Here we go… they thought.

 Kuroo’s scowl deepened, a glare beginning to form on his face as he stared at the owl-haired third year laughing loudly.

 “I know right? I’m the best!” he cheered loudly at your praise. “Hey, hey, hey! Kuroo let me have Y/n-chan for the day!”

 “For the last time, you have your own managers you stupid owl, leave mine alone.” Kuroo snapped angrily. 

 You bit back a smile as you turned your back to them, finishing up the task you were working on.

 The relationship you had with the bedhead captain was difficult to explain. It had been that way since you all joined the volleyball team in your guys’ first year. The flirting and teasing between you two was nauseating in the eyes of your teammates. They had figured that you guys would’ve started dating already but it never happened. 

 But it was clear as day that you guys had feelings for each other.

 Bokuto had taken a strong liking to you as well when you guys had first met. He thought you were incredibly cute, and a wonderful friend. Which is why he never hesitated to flirt with you, plus it made Kuroo mad and that was even better. 

 You had picked up on that immediately and would shamelessly flirt back with Bokuto because you loved the way Kuroo reacted to it.

 Everyone on both teams began to get used to these interactions whenever they all got together, despite how annoying it was to see their captains bicker back and forth.

 Nekoma had lost the practice match and after doing their penalty you began handing out the towels and drinks.

 Kuroo glanced down at you as you held his water bottle to him expectantly, his long fingers brushing carefully against yours during the exchange. “Thanks pipsqueak.” 

 You rolled your eyes at his nickname and reached to poke him hard in the side of his ribs, he dodged your attack easily and smirked widely as you huffed in anger. His hand coming up to ruffle your hair.

 “Stop that.” you pouted, pushing his hand away, fixing your mused hair. 

 Kuroo ignored the slight race of his heart as he took in your pouty face. She’s so cute, he thought.

 After a couple more practice matches the day was coming to an end. You helped the rest of the managers clean up the gym and shuffled off to help prepare dinner for everyone.

 During that time you couldn’t help but think of Kuroo. You wondered if your guys’ strange relationship would finally progress into an actual one. Neither of you had confessed to actually having feelings for one another, it was something that you guys had just assumed.

 In the eyes of the team, and even people outside of the team, they had assumed you guys were a couple. You spent a lot of time together outside of practice and school. Being around each other came naturally, and despite the bickering and teasing, you guys enjoyed each other’s company immensely.

 So then why weren’t you guys together yet?

 “Aw man.” you sighed quietly to yourself, putting your hands behind your head as you continued walking towards the baths. “This sucks.”

 “What sucks Y/n-senpai?” Lev asked. You glanced to your right and saw him standing at the entrance of gym 3 holding a ball.

 “Your receives.” you said bluntly not batting an eye.

 “Eh!? You saw that!?” he panicked, glancing around frantically. 

 It was then that the other people in the gym took notice of your form. 

 “Y/n-chan! Come keep score!” Bokuto said excitedly, coming up from behind the tall first year, Kuroo following closely behind.

 “Maybe some other time Bokuto. Oh. If you guys don’t hurry you’re going to miss dinner.” you said in amusement. 

 “Next time you’ll come and keep score then!” Bokuto exclaimed before they all started making their way out of the gym.

 You shook your head in amusement as Lev and Hinata began talking animatedly about something. 

 “Oi pipsqueak. You coming with or what?” Kuroo called, stopping when he noticed that you weren’t following them.

 You smiled slightly, shaking your head. “I already ate. I’m going to the baths and then going to bed. Do you already miss me that much?” you teased.

 He rolled his eyes at your antics and fought the blush that wanted to make its way onto his face at just the thought of you taking a bath.

 “Maybe I do.” he drawled out and started walking closer to you, his cat-like eyes staring down at you intensely, causing a shiver to run down your spine. “You want me to help you wash your back?” he whispered leaning down towards your ear. You could his lips brushing softly against the shell of your ear.

 You could feel your face burn at his words, the palm of your hands getting sweaty at how close he was. 

 Ignoring the burning embarrassment of his words, you grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down further so that his face was close to yours. “Maybe I do.” you whispered back and very carefully nipped at his earlobe. 

 Kuroo made a strange choking sound as you released him. He took a step back and covered the lower part of his face with his hand, looking away from you. Seeing his shocked expression and blushing cheeks was well worth that embarrassing moment for you.

 “Or maybe not?” you said innocently, hands resting behind your back, your head tilted to the side. “I guess some other time then.” you teased and walked away, finally allowing yourself to blush freely, your heart was racing as you entered the baths.

 Kuroo Tetsuro was going to be the death of you.

 *************

 “Sit next to me Y/n-chan!” Bokuto said, grabbing your arm and tugging him towards the table that Akaashi was currently sitting at. 

 It had been three days since that encounter with Kuroo, and quite honestly, everyone could feel the weird tension between the two of you.

 It was almost… awkward being around the both of you if you guys were together. 

 Kuroo’s gaze trained on the table that you sat at, watching as you laughed freely at Bokuto’s antics.

 “What’s going on with you and Y/n?” Kenma asked quietly, his eyes remaining on his phone.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kuroo sniffed, taking another bite of his dinner. “We’re fine.”

 “Doesn’t seem like it.” Kenma pressed. “It feels weird being around you two.”

 Kuroo looked over at his childhood friend, frowning. “What?”

 “I’m not exactly sure what it is, but the energy around you two is uncomfortable.” he said looking at Kuroo briefly before looking back at his phone.

 “Just eat your dinner.” Kuroo scolded. His gaze lowered to his food. He knew what it was, the energy between you two. It was an underlying thing, but after the incident a couple days ago, well, it got worse. 

 The sexual tension could be cut with a knife when you guys were around each other now. The sexaul frustration that Kuroo was experiencing was released tenfold after your little stunt.

 It also didn’t help that you were still flirting with Bokuto right in front of him. It annoyed him immensely. 

 You were supposed to be his girl. Kuroo thought as he laid awake on his bed. He couldn’t sleep, his thoughts being entirely consumed by you. 

 He sighed deeply to himself as he got up. A midnight walk would be sure to make him tired. 

 What he wasn’t expecting was to find you walking around the school too. You were deep in thought and almost didn’t realize that you were about to pass him until he grabbed at your arm.

 “Can we talk?” he asked seriously, staring down at you.

 You looked up in surprise. “Kuroo, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there… Yeah of course we can.” he released your arm and you guys walked until you found yourselves by the side of gymnasium 3.

 “What’s up?” you asked quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ears. 

 The expression Kuroo’s face was unreadable, it made you shift from foot to foot uneasily as he stared down at you. 

 The atmosphere around you guys was incredibly heavy, making you more nervous. 

 “I know I have a cute face and all, but the staring is really starting to creep me out, Kuroo.” you laughed nervously.

 He took a step closer to you, causing you to take a couple steps back, your back touched the side of the gym. He rested his hands on top of your shoulders, preventing you from escaping.

 And then he was kissing you.

 Your eyes widened as you felt your heart stop in your chest.

 Kuroo was kissing you.

 His lips were firm and hot as they moved urgently against yours. 

 This was… this was better than you had imagined. Your eyes fluttered shut, your hands sliding up to rest around his neck. You were on the tips of your toes so that the tall third year didn’t have to stoop down so much.

 He grunted softly against your lips as you started to kiss him back. All the flirting, teasing, unspoken feelings, came out in this moment. This kiss was well worth the three years that it took to get it.

 The hands that were resting on your shoulders slide up to cup the sides of your face, carefully angling you so that he could fit his mouth against yours better.

 Kuroo’s tongue gently poked at your lips, asking to be let in. Carefully parting your mouth, your tongues began clashing, hot and wet against each other.

 The passionate kiss that was meant to be used as a confession began to turn into something deliciously sweet and steamy.

 This was too fucking good to stop.

 Kuroo pressed himself closer to you, one leg moving to rest between yours, keeping them parted, his thigh carefully brushing against you causing you to gasp loudly at the sudden touch.

 He smirked against your mouth at the noise you made, moving one of his hands down to your waist, sliding his fingers beneath your shirt.

 His hand was warm and rough against your skin, carefully caressing your waist as he touched you, moving up to the tops of your ribs before gently cupping your breast through your bra.

 Despite the way that Kuroo was kissing you, his touch was incredibly gentle, hesitant almost. But when you moaned loudly, that was all the reassurance he needed to know that what he was doing was okay.

This was what he was missing. What he was waiting for. And he never wanted it to end. The way you felt against him, the way you tasted. He couldn’t get enough of it.

 Carefully squeezing and kneading your breast, he pressed himself closer to your body. Carefully he grinded himself against you, moaning at the way your body pressed against his growing length.

 You pulled away from his lips gasping for air, he trailed his lips softly against your jaw and down your neck, leaving hot open mouthed kisses against your skin. Kuroo began sucking and biting a bruise into the soft skin, causing you to moan out once more. You were in a daze, your head foggy from the intense pleasure that he was giving you. The Tokyo night air felt incredible against your flushed skin. 

 “Kuroo,” you breathed out, clinging to his body as he continued to touch you. “Kuroo… we should head back now… the others will start to worry…” you lost your train of thought as his lips pressed against the shell of your ear, breathing hotly against your skin.

 “You want me to stop?” he murmured, grinding harshly against you now.

 You whimpered softly. “N-N-No… but… we should go back already…”

 He pulled away from you reluctantly, his pupils were blown and wide with lust. His usual bedhead was significantly more messy, and his lips were swollen and glossed with spit. 

 He was fucking beautiful.

 The same could be said about you. Kuroo took in your heaving chest, the way your shirt no longer sat right on top of your body. Your eyes bright and lips swollen, and the dark mark he left on your neck standing proudly out for all to see. 

 Fuck you were beautiful.

 “Can we… can we do this again?” you asked shyly, looking up at him through thick lashes.

 Kuroo couldn’t help the wide smirk that began to take place on his lips. “If it wasn’t obvious, I like you, Y/n. Go out with me.” he said simply.

 A wide smile began to spread across your face, a hot blush coating your cheeks at his confession. 

 “Took you long enough.” you said cheekily. 

 Kuroo rolled his eyes and ruffled your hair. “Whatever pipsqueak. Let’s go.” 

 This training camp definitely was your favorite one so far.

 When morning came around you were over the moon, incredibly giddy and cheeky the entire time that you were setting up the cafeteria and making the food. The other managers didn’t question it but were incredibly curious as to what put the Nekoma manager in such a good mood.

 As always, Bokuto pulled you to his table to eat with him and Akaashi. You were laughing at a story Bokuto was telling, when your hair swayed from your neck and the dark mark that Kuroo had left on you last night was revealed to Akaashi’s eyes. 

 A blush coated the setter’s cheeks and he cleared his throat quietly, averting his gaze. “Y/n-san, your neck…”

 Your eyes widened in horror and you immediately moved your hair back to cover up the mark, you could feel your face burning in embarrassment as Bokuto loudly began to ask what was wrong with you.

 And then - “That’s not fair Y/n-chan! Let me give you one too!” Bokuto pouted as he saw the bruise.

 Both you and Akaashi began scolding the third year.

 Unbeknownst to you, Kuroo was smirking widely at his table as he stared at the interaction you were having with the members of Fukurodani. 

 Kenma’s eyes shifted over to the Nekoma captain. “Gross Kuroo.”

 “Shut up and eat your food Kenma!” 

[theglitterypages]

Title: Secret Life of Levi Ackerman Part 1

Part Two

Pairings: Levi x fem! Reader

Summary: When Levi noticed that his brats are all tired, hungry some are even injured, he decided to tell them to retreat and brought them to a village nearby and a big secret was revealed.

Word Count: 2000+

Warnings: None

A/N: Sorry if this is a bad one. There will be errors ahead so bear with me guys, I will edit it soon once I have the time.

••••••

“Levi, where are we going?" Hanji asked when Levi ordered everyone to retreat, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and Connie was puzzled too but they didn't choose to question the Captain. They trust the man and they know Levi wouldn't get them killed purposely.

Levi sighed as he looked back to Hanji, exhaustion was evident in his face. “We need to rest, there's a village nearby and we'll have some break there.” Levi plainly answered. The captain looked back at the kids and gestured them to follow, “Go faster, brats.” he smirked.

••••

You were busy cooking for your lunch when you heard horses neigh nearby. You carefully walked to the living room to look outside your window to see what was happening and you gasped when you saw a man outside your house.

You immediately opened the door just to see 6 other people that doesn't seem familiar to you, most of them were young and they were petting their horses. “Lev...I didn't know you'll go home today.” you looked at Levi and he smiled apologetically as he looked behind him, gesturing the kids behind. “These brats are probably hungry now, two of them are wounded too. Sorry if I came home like this.” your gaze landed at the kids and at the woman smiling at you.

“Well, I was just cooking. Leave the horses here and go inside.” you called them out.

Even if they are clueless, the whole squad came inside. It was a decent looking home, not that big but not small either, just enough for a family of four or five. “Sit down, all of you. Wait for me here.” Levi ordered. The kids sat down while Hanji curiously looked around her, puzzled of why Levi brought them here.

Levi followed you to the kitchen and hugged you from behind, you giggled quietly and turned to face him.

“You look tired.” you pointed out.

“Sorry, we just lost almost half of—” you cut him off by pressing your fingers in his lips, you wouldn't want to heart it because you know that talking about it breaks Levi even more. “Shh, I know. For now, give the kids some bread while I cook. I'll treat their wounds too.” you kissed his cheek and pulled away from him so you could see if the food is cooking well.

“This was not what I've promised you when we got married.” Levi whispered. It didn't look like he was saying it to you, he's actually saying it to himself.

The two of you has been married for three years, you met him when he got accidentally wounded while fighting the titans, your cousin, Erwin went home with an injured Levi and because of your knowledge in medicine you were the one who treated Levi's wounds.

Every time you'll visit Erwin, you'll be seeing Levi too, at first he would just greet you and would leave after that but when you visited Erwin one day and he was nowhere to be found, Levi accompanied you all day, he wasn't talkative but he's a nice guy, people just tend to be scared of the way he stares and the way he speaks because he's so straightforward.

The two of you became friends, got closer and closer until romance blooms amidst all of the ongoing chaos. After 6 months, he asked Erwin if he could marry you, your parents are long gone and the only family you have is Erwin.

Erwin had no complain about you and Levi that's why the two of you got married immediately, it was an intimate ceremony, only those who are close enough were allowed to witness the wedding and it was more than fine to you, the most important part is you married the love of your life. That was more than enough.

For three years, the only time you could see Levi is during weekends, the time where he would leave his squad temporarily to go home to you and if there are not much expeditions outside the wall he comes home with Erwin's permission during weekdays.

Of course, there are times where he couldn't even go home to you but you understand, really, Erwin talked to you about marrying Levi, a man who's serving in Survey Corps would be tough, especially every time that they're outside the walls there's no guarantee that they'll come back alive but you still said yes, that is how much you love Levi and you've always trust him and his promise that he'll do his best to come home.

“But I know the man I married, Levi. I know that you can only go home to me during weekends and it's completely fine, I know there's a chance you'll go home with broken hand or foot, it scares the shit out of me but as I've said, I know who I married.” you cupped his face and pressed your lips against his, a silent reminder that despite o everything happened or anything that would happen, you will stay with him.

Levi close his eyes as he snaked his arms on your waist and pulled you closer as if he's holding onto his life. He kissed you back passionately and when he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours.“What did I do to deserve a woman like you?” he smiled bitterly, you let out a chuckle and combed his hair using your fingers.

“We all deserve some time to rest from the cruel world, my love. I will be your rest.”

Levi didn't move, he just stared into your eyes as he holds you close to his chest, in this chaos, you're the only one that brings him peace, the only one who motivates him to stay alive so he could come home, you're the one that makes him feel normal and every time that he'll come home to you, it feels like he's a normal man, a normal husband.

And he's starting to hate himself because he realized how ridiculous the whole set up was, he loves you so much and yet you couldn't even have him by your side all the time, that fact breaks his heart and that fact also motivates him to work harder so he could eliminate the titans so he could finally put his weapons down and be with you.

That's what he wanted, a peaceful life with you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Lev. Go and give these breads to the kids for Pete's sake.”

Hanji looked at the kids beside her, they all look exhausted and mortified because they witnessed deaths again but it's the consequence of serving in Survey Corps, no one should hesitate to sacrifice their lives because every deaths would be an aid to humanity.

The silence was deafening, it was a silent mourning of the kids who saw their comrades die and Hanji gave them the silence that they need, they're still new to this and she understands that they'll always be shaken up.

“Oi, here's some bread and water. How's the arm, Connie and Jean?"

“It hurts but we're fine Captain." the two answered. Levi sat across from the group and he sensed that everyone has been itching to ask the questions that had formed in their head but there's one person who looks to be more excited to know everything that's why Levi called out that person. “Okay, you have questions, Eren.” he began, Eren looked up, shocked that Levi has deduced that he wanted to ask something.

He's just curious but if Levi wouldn't want to answer he would respect his decision, anyway.

“W-Who is she?" He stammered.

“I'm Y/N...” You answered as you sat beside Levi who immediately put his arms around you, in return, you let your hand rest in his thigh, slowly caressing it with your hand, it's a thing that you do that he loves so bad.

“She's my wife...” he announced. He has to say it in the most simple way, there's no need to be dramatic because their reaction would be dramatic anyway.

Hanji's jaw literally dropped on the floor while the kids were all frozen.

“WAIT...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?! SHE'S—OH MY GOD YOU'RE COMMANDER ERWIN'S COUSIN HOLY FUCK THAT'S WHY YOU'RE FAMILIAR OH MY GOD!”

You laughed loudly at Hanji's reaction, she's the first one to talk because the kids seems to not know what to say perhaps they're just trying to weigh things about the whole situation. It would be really shocking but it's not like Levi purposely hid the fact that he's married, you know that he's just trying to make your life as normal as it was before marrying him but marrying a man Levi would never be normal.

“Well, you know that Lev's not the type of person to talk about himself, right?” Hanji put a hand on her chest as she tried processing the information she heard just now. Now she realized how Levi would always disappear after expeditions, how he would have some things to ‘take care of’ during weekends, the way Erwin would remind him to come back alive, it was because Levi has someone waiting for him and it is you.

“Ah, I remember, who's injured?” you changed the topic as you remember Levi talking about two wounded kids.

“Us.” Connie and Jean answered in unison.

You smiled and stood up to look for your first aid kit, it's a must to have this considering your husband does come home with wounds, you hated it when he comes home injured but at least he's alive, right? “Lev, can you check if the food is cooked already?” you looked at Levi before sitting between Jean and Connie.When Levi heard your order he didn't complain and just made his way to the kitchen.

Mikasa's mouth gaped open, she doesn't really expect Levi to follow someone's order if it's not Erwin but he obeyed you too quickly to the point that she's wondering if this is the same Levi, the captain.

“What are your names?” You asked as you put a bandage in Connie's arms.

“A-Armin...”

“Mikasa.”

“Connie...”

“Jean.”

“Eren.”

“Ah...Hanji.”

You looked at the girl named Mikasa, she's really pretty but you noticed how her eyes looks so sad her eyes are beautiful but they've become dull her eyes would've been more beautiful if its sparkling because of glee.

And when you looked over at the blonde boy named Armin, the teen immediately blushed before looking down. A small smile made its way across your lips he's really cute.

“Oi, Oi, Oi, why are you blushing, brat?” Levi appeared. His tone was dangerous and Armin's eyes widened as he looked up at the Captain, the poor kid looks so scared that's why you decided to walk towards Levi and pinch him on his waist lightly, “Stop scaring him. He looks so cute and tiny, I want to adopt him, well all of them.” you giggled.

“Unfortunately, I don't want to adopt brats.” Levi snorted as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him.

“Shut up, I know you love them. They told ne their names, they're the kids you're talking about.” You exposed him. The thing that most people wouldn't believe about your husband is that he's talkative maybe just because of you but Levi always tell stories whenever he gets home.

Most of the time it would be about his expeditions, you encourage him to tell you everything both good and bad as you don't want Levi to carry the burden alone, he may be called as humanity's strongest soldier but Levi is still a human after all. You want to make it easy for him, let him feel that he's not alone.

You saw how shocked the teens were and you smiled sweetly before placing your hand in Levi's chest.

“Don't mind Levi, he's just embarrassed to admit it but he loves all of you and he's proud of all of you like a dad.”

Levi looked away when the kids sent him a look even Hanji did but he wouldn't have to deny it because he does talk about them whenever he gets home, as much as he hates them for being all loud and messy, he just have to admit that he also loves these kids. Even if they're all brats.

“Tch. The food is ready, let's eat.”

End of Part 1

[riivetrash]

(gif by smol-ackerman)

MISSING PIECE 2.1k words / General

Summary: Everyone knows they love each other, except for them.

Rivetra Month - Dec 10 prompt “Memory”

AO3

ERWIN

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what?”

“That you love her.”

It infuriated Levi how Erwin could say that without even looking at him. He had his back turned, looking outside to the passer-bys on the sunny street below. It must have been so easy for him to stick his nose in other people's affairs. With all the troubles he had of his own, Levi wondered how he still had time to catch his affection towards Petra. They weren't that obvious, were they? He had barely come to terms with them himself. They were just the seed of a thought back then.

“What good would that do? I don’t want to burden Petra even more.”

Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose, pinching it right between his eyes with his thumb and index. Fuck. Fuck! His day had been going so well until he had to take a peek inside at the feelings threatening to spill out. He knew if he had asked, he could have had her in a heartbeat. She'd be his without hesitation. But he also knew he could lose her just as quickly.

“I see... so you’re not denying it. I didn’t even have to mention her name, either.”

Levi didn't miss the amused tone in his commander's voice. He had walked right into his trap, blindsided by how Erwin had so easily read him. He sucked his teeth in. 

“Fuck you, respectfully.”

Erwin just laughed as Levi stormed out, slamming the door behind him on his way out. The words remained with him all day as he went about his daily tasks. Did he really love her? Usually, his first instinct would have been to deny any emotional ties to anyone or anything. He didn't have the mental space to love anyone, and certainly not in that way. And yet he had wholly accepted the fact that Erwin was right as if it had been obvious for him too. 

He spent all of dinner time that night staring at Petra to the point where the redhead had asked if something was wrong. What was he meant to say? That he was trying to figure out whether or not he was truly in love with her? He had never been in love, he couldn't tell what it was supposed to feel like. From that point on, Levi ate alone in his office. Better to avoid his feelings before they were noticed by anyone else, especially the subject of said feelings.

OLUO

“He likes all of us equally.”

“Sure, if by equally you mean you’re his favourite.”

“Am not!”, Petra argued through her blush.

“He’s constantly hanging around you and he’s giving you that love-me-gentle look every time you two talk."

“He does? I mean that’s wrong-- he doesn’t... I don’t think it’s proper to discuss things like that.”

“Why not? Is it because you’ve already sealed the deal?”, Eld added.

“No! We haven’t-- This is none of your business!”

The group hollered with laughter at the way Petra rebutted them. She'd noticed it too, of course. Lately Levi had grown more gentle towards her, staring at her from across the room and laying off her duties. He hadn't meant to at first but once he had noticed lines forming on her face and her dark circles deepening he had felt pity for the woman. She hadn't once complained, of course, and her attitude hadn't changed either. She was as cheery as ever, and able to slice through Titans like they were made of butter. She even took more initiative now that their dynamics had changed.

"You guys are just jealous because I'm faster than you and I can keep up with Lev-- the captain.", she corrected herself.

"First name basis huh?", Oluo snickered into his drink.

"Don't worry Oluo, you don't need to try and charm me up to get special treatment."

The stern voice came in from the door as Levi entered the room and everyone stiffened. Petra looked as red as the log burning in the fireplace. Levi motioned for her to join him as he disappeared into the adjacent study. The redhead followed suit with the reports under her arm, glad to be away from prying eyes and gossip.

HANGE

Levi had been caught staring at Petra from across the tavern they’ve stopped at. Actually, he hadn’t really been caught. He had simply noticed how Hange kept ogling him while he looked over their shoulder to steal glances at his subordinate. He’d have feigned concern over how many drinks she'd already had like a fussing hen mother but that really wouldn’t have suited him. It wasn’t his style. Besides, there wasn't anything to worry about. She was surrounded by friends and familiar faces. People that cared about her and loved her. Seeing her so genuinely happy and coddled only helped to solidify how much he wanted to dote on her too. Her happiness served to fuel his own.

“If you say anything I’ll feed you to your experiments, four eyes.”, he muttered into his drink.

Hange turned and glanced over their chair, waving at Petra dramatically with a smile so wide they could have been a titan themselves. Moblit elbowed them in the ribs, knowing they were only going to further piss off Levi. Why did his superiors have to be polar opposites?

“She’s been looking at you all night, you know, Levi. I don’t think I’ll be the first one to spill the beans.”

"Don't, then.", he glared coldly.

Petra skipped over to their table, the smile she gave Levi making his stomach do a backflip. Shit. He was going to blame it on the booze even though he could barely feel a tingle. If only he could muster up the balls to just talk to her. The redhead took a seat at the end of the table, her arms crossed and her body leaned forward as they started talking. The captain stole a glance at her chest, perfectly framed in her tight blouse, before steadying himself with a long drink from his cup. She noticed how Levi was uncharacteristically silent, preferring to stare at the contents of his drink, but said nothing on the matter. He looked so peaceful, she didn't dare to bother him. No matter how much she wanted to talk to him. It wasn't as if she'd been avoiding him all night, but up until Hange had called her over to their table, she had been working up the courage to talk to him. It was different when they were outside of their working environment. She lacked material for small talk, and he despised it.

"Can you help me with this round, Captain?"

She took advantage of the opportunity to engage him when drinks needed to be refilled. They got up and left the table to head for the bar. When she felt his hand on her lower back and his breath on her neck, she feared she'd spontaneously combust on the spot. He navigated her through the crowd until she was in front of the bar and he was pressed behind her by the other patrons gathered there.

"Let's have ours here.", She whispered back at him when she got the drinks and cheered with him.

"You'll be the death of me, Petra.", his free hand still holding onto her.

"I'll drink to that.", she taunted as she took another sip.

EREN

“So how long have you and the Captain been...”, Eren asked awkwardly, unable to finish his sentence.

“What?”, Petra croaked.

"You and Captain Levi, you aren't together?"

"Have Oluo and Eld been bothering you with their rumors? Don't listen to them."

"No, not at all. It's just something the Captain said about making sure I was nice to you... or else."

"He's harmless, don't worry.", Petra chuckled as she tucked her hair back and continued wiping down the table. The irony in her statement wasn’t entirely lost on her.

When Eren leaned to look over her shoulder, he found the opposite to be true. Levi was listening to Hange rant about her latest achievement with Sawney and Bean, his foot hiked up on the seat of a chair and his arm rested over his knee as he leaned over it. Although paying attention to Hange, his eyes were burning holes in Eren's face. A shiver ran up his spine at the glacial expression. The boy had always found Levi to be off-putting and menacing ever since his trial. His looming presence in the background solidified it. No wonder no one else could approach Petra. She didn't even know he was doing it, smiling happily without a care in the world.

"I wouldn't exactly say that.", the boy said as he rubbed the back of his head, feeling a cold sweat running down his back.

"I've also seen you two... Uh... Yesterday. In the courtyard."

"Oh." Petra cleared her throat.

She recalled how he'd beckoned her forward with a motion of his hand and she had pulled him under a column by the edge of his jacket. There had been no protest from him, only an amused smirk playing on his lips as he let her hands roam over his chest and tug on the straps of his ODM. He'd called her a brat so many times before, it had only made her chuckle. She'd kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his jaw, his neck while he threaded his fingers through her silky hair, delighted to steal a moment of intimacy with her. His hands had felt so cold against her hips when he pushed her backwards to have her against the adjacent column, his forehead pressed to hers. She had reveled in the sensation, scratching the undercut at the back of his head with her nails gently.

Still, she refused to call what they had a relationship. They were simply stolen moments, a taste of what could never be. Besides, they were few and far between and didn't go much beyond small caresses and chaste kisses. It made them both happy, if only for a short time.

"I won't tell anyone, if you don't want me to.", Eren added quietly.

"Good. We're... figuring things out too, you know."

PETRA

"I love you."

She'd whispered those words to herself too many times while watching him, they sounded so natural when she finally got to say them to him. It was another of those late nights spent together under the glow of a candle, spread out between reports and maps in his office.

They had gotten closer over the course of the evening and by the time the words had escaped her, Levi had backed her against the door. They had broken apart for air, and in the stillness of the moment she had let the words slip out.

"Goodnight, Petra."

If she had been disappointed by his words, she didn't show it on her face. She was giving him a gentle smile, a look to let him know she understood. She would be patient, and try again. Whenever you're ready. 

"Goodnight, Levi."

LEVI

"I should have said it back when I had the chance.", Levi whispered.

He sat with his back against the grave, staring forward as rain poured down on him. He could hear her voice in his head and how she'd warn him that staying out in this bad of a weather would make him catch a cold. He missed how caring she was. He missed how gentle she was. He missed how loving she was. He missed everything about her.

Now he was old and damaged, tired from a meaningless war that had gone on for too long and cost too many good lives worth living unlike his own. His own had never meant much to him so it seemed ironic he would be part of the lucky few to be spared. He didn't consider himself lucky however, having to live with so many ghosts. But he had no regrets except for that one...

"I hope you knew..."

Even now he couldn't bring himself to say the words. What was the point? She wasn't there to hear them. He would never see her face light up from finally hearing them. Still, he wanted to have the courage to say it out loud for his own sake. He had known he loved her for years now.

This wasn't the first time he visited her grave. Levi would come with fresh flowers every other week, clean up the stone and say a few words. He wished he didn't have to do this, but she had taken such good care of him when she was alive that he felt he needed to repay that debt. Who else would? Everyone that knew them when she was alive was buried alongside her in that same graveyard. He was the only one that remembered her and the kind of person she was.

"Everyone knew, how could you not.", he scoffed as he painfully got up while leaning on the gravestone.

"See you around, Petra."

[andvys]

Longing (part 19)

Warnings: angst

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader 

You didn't know if letting Abby live was the right thing to do, it was the last thing you wanted and if it wasn't for Lev she would be dead right now but you couldn't do this not when he saved your life even though you were no one to him. 

It almost broke your heart seeing a child like this, crying and begging to not kill someone who seems to be important to them. You were in this position before so if you knew what it was like to feel like this, how could make someone else go through it?

You thought about the way you grew up, you saw your father kill people, like it was the easiest thing in the world, like it was the most normal thing in the world. You were forced to kill too and it was anything but easy and it shouldn't be normal either but in this world it was, it became normal to you and it made you feel sick.

Children grow up in this cruel world, full of hope and innocence that gets taken away from them as soon as they are put in situations they shouldn't be in. You thought about Dina’s and Jesse’s unborn child, it would grow up in this horrible world too and who know’s how long Dina and Jesse would be alive. Parents always die in this world and their children are left behind.

It was a scary thought but anyone could die out there any day. Jesse almost died already. Tommy almost died. Ellie almost died. 

Ellie..

If Ellie died, Abby would be dead too, no exceptions. 

You would kill her without hesitation. If you would have lost Ellie, you would have lost the last part of yourself anyways so killing Abby wouldn't do you any harm anymore. You'd be dead inside anyways, Ellie was what was keeping you still alive.

But Ellie was still alive and you knew that if you would have killed Abby, Lev would have probably killed you and you weren't ready to die yet, you still wanted to spend the rest of your time here with Ellie.

You just didn't know if she wanted the same thing.

Things have been tense on the way back home, after they all recovered from their injuries, you found a car that would bring you back home. You got into a fight with Ellie and Tommy about keeping Abby alive but Tommy agreed in the end and decided that the council in Jackson would decide what to do with her.

Ellie ignored you all the way back home to Jackson. It hurt but you didn't expect anything else from her. You wanted Abby dead just as much as she did but Tommy was right when he said that letting Abby live with the guilt of knowing that her friends were dead because of her was punishment enough, especially when she was locked away in a cell and only had that to think about for the rest of her life.

Once you got back to Jackson, Ellie immediately rushed past you once a group of people guided Abby and Lev away. You stood there watching her walk away from you. Was that it? 

It seemed like your little romance was short lived, you didn't think that she would ever forgive you.

A hand patted your shoulder, looking up you found Jesse giving you a sad smile “she’ll come around.” he said.

Shaking your head, “no she won't.” you said, looking down in pain.

“oh my god, Jesse!” you heard Dina yell in relief, she came running towards him, hugging him tightly.

“Dina.” He immediately hugged her back.

You decided to step back and let them have their moment, you grabbed your backpack and your weapons and turned around to leave only to be stopped by Dina.

“Hey where do you think you're going?” you heard Dina ask, turning around she had a hand on her hip, looking at you with a stern expression on her face. 

Chuckling at her, you put your stuff down, she looked at you in concern. Eying all the cuts and bruises that were still visible on your skin, your left arm was hanging limply by your side. Ever since Abby pulled that arrow out, you could barely move it. You were sure that she damaged a nerve.

You tried to give her a genuine smile but you knew you couldn't bullshit Dina into thinking that you were okay, she always knew when something was wrong and she could tell right away that you went through hell out there. 

You walked towards her and she immediately put her arms around you, pulling you in. You immediately hugged her back, you missed her. 

You felt a wave of sadness crashing down on you, tears welled up in your eyes and you couldn't hold them back any longer, you started crying silently.

“It's okay (y/n), I got you.” she whispered, rubbing your back gently.

Jesse stood back and watched the scene with a painful expression on his face. He knew how much you struggled back there and having Ellie treat you like you were nothing to her, just made your situation even worse.

“Come on, let’s get you into the infirmary.” Dina said

You nodded your head and pulled away from the hug, looking down at the floor you picked your things up and looked up at her and Jesse, nodding your head at them. 

“Alright, the bruises are almost healed and some of these cuts will leave scars, nothing major however I'm afraid, you won't be able to use your arm properly anymore. The arrow damaged a nerve.” the doctor explained. 

You nodded your head, you guessed it already on the way back home, you weren't able to move it around like before and you knew something was wrong, it was horrible. What was even more horrible was the pitiful stares you've gotten from the others. Even Ellie, she was ignoring you but you could feel her eyes on you all the damn time and it drove you crazy. They also didn't even let you kill one infected on the way back home and you were sure you could say goodbye to your swords.

“I’m not saying it won't recover, there might be a slight chance that it could heal but just don't rely on it too much.” he said, giving you pitiful look.

“For now I want you to rest, no going on patrols or anything like that alright?” 

“Yeah, thanks doc.” you said, nodding your head at him you got up and walked out of the infirmary where Dina and Jesse were waiting for you.

“I told you guys, you can go home.” you said, they should spend their time together now and not with you.

Dina rolled her eyes at you while Jesse ignored what you said “what did the doc say?” he asked.

“He said what I already thought happened, nerve damage. I won't be able to move my arm properly and I shouldn't have too much hope for a recovery.” you said, shrugging acting like it didn't affect you.

Dina inhaled sharply, looking at you in worry, living in this world was difficult enough already and not being able to use your arm properly anymore meant that you couldn't fight anymore or at least not like before. 

“Fuck.. I’m sorry (y/n)..” Jesse said, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s fine.. you guys should go home.” 

Dina wanted to say something but you interrupted her “no seriously, go home, I kinda want to be alone right now and I’m tired and I just want to take a shower and sleep for the rest of the week.” you said, giving them a small smile.

They both looked at you sadly. Before they could say anything, you hugged them and told them good night.

You walked past Joel’s house, stopping for a second. The lights were off and it just looked empty, well it was empty. He should've been there, sitting on his porch, playing guitar.

Shaking your head, you continued walking, wanting to just get home and go sleep and forget about everything. 

Opening the door to your small house, you turned on the lights, finding everything still the way it was before.

You went into your bedroom and put your stuff down, taking off your jacket you threw it on the floor and grabbed some fresh clothes before you went into the bathroom to take a shower. 

You turned the water on, waiting for it to get a little warmer. You took your clothes off as best as you could with using just one arm. You looked into the mirror, your reflection stared back at you, you couldn't even recognize yourself anymore. You looked empty and broken. Blinking your tears away you turned around and got into the shower, sighing at the feeling of warm water against your skin, you let your mind relax for a while before it drifted off to things you didn't wanted to think about again.

You were tired. Tired of fighting and killing, you didn't want to do this anymore. You didn't even remember how many people you killed and it left you with a sickening feeling. You have taken so many life’s as if it was okay. You let your tears fall freely now. It was too much, everything was just too much for you. The pain you were in was unbearable and not having Ellie with you now made it even worse.

The thought that she might hate you now put you into an even more miserable state. Not being able to hold your cries in anymore, you started sobbing. You went through this before, a few weeks ago or was it months already? you had no clue, so much time has past already. Your fight back then almost seemed childish to you now, compared to the pain you both were in now. 

After you managed to calm down, you got out of the shower. It was a struggle to put your clothes on but you managed. You didn't realize what shirt you put on until you looked down realizing it was the shirt that Ellie gave you when you slept over at her house for the first time, it was the shirt that Joel gave her. 

It still smelt like her, you'd have to give it back but you'd keep it for yourself for now, at least as long as it still smelt like her. Ellie might never forgive you and she might never be in your arms again but you needed her and it was the only thing that came closest to her right now.

You sat down on your bed, staring at the wall you thought about her, you wondered what she was doing right now or what she was feeling, if she was thinking about you.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard knocking on your door. Furrowing your brows, you had no clue who that could be, you got up and walked towards your door, opening it you found Maria standing there with a small box in her hand.

“Hey.” you said, looking at her in confusion.

“Hello (y/n), can I come inside?” she asked, smiling slightly.

You immediately stepped aside, “yes of course.” 

You closed your door after she walked in, “I made you something to eat, I figured you'd be hungry.” she said, putting the box on your table.

“Thanks Maria, I appreciate that.” you said, smiling at her, you sat down on your sofa, gesturing for her to take a seat.

She sat down next to you, you knew she wasn't just here to bring you something to eat, she wanted to talk about something.

“Doc told me about your arm, I’m sorry about that (y/n).” she said, giving you a pitiful smile.

“It’s fine, I’m sure it will recover.” you lied, you didn’t believe in a recovery but you didn’t need people to see you lose hope.

“I hope so but till then no patrols for you.” she said, with a stern voice.

Nodding your head, “I figured..” you trailed off “so what brings you here?” you asked.

“I just wanted to check up on you and tell you, what you did, letting her live I mean, not everyone could have done that.” she said “It requires a lot of strength to let someone you want dead so bad live and I respect that.” she said “especially because this situation was so personal to you.” 

You were surprised to hear that, Ellie and Tommy definitely did not respect your decision. While Tommy did agree on taking Abby back as a prisoner he was sure that Maria and the council would choose to execute her. All the way back to Jackson both Ellie and Tommy treated you poorly. Jesse was nice as always but you weren't sure what he thought about you letting Abby live.

“You're gonna make a great Leader one day (y/n).” Maria stated. 

Your eyes widened at her, shocked about her words “L-Leader?” you stuttered.

“Yeah, I gotta step back one day and you are the only person here that I could imagine seeing as the new Leader of Jackson.” she told you, surprising you further. 

“Me?” you couldn't believe that she would consider letting you become the Leader. You didn't even think you were a good fighter and here she was basically promising you such a high position.

Nodding her head “Yes you, don't be so surprised. You have to stop underestimating yourself.” she said “You got all the qualities a great leader needs. You are strong, you know how to fight, you can make tough decisions even when everyone else is against them and you still kept your humanity all along.” she added.

You didn't know what to say, you felt so overwhelmed hearing this, her words meant a lot to you. You always looked up to Maria and hearing her say this made you feel a lot better.

“Thank you Maria, this means a lot to me.” you said, giving her a grateful smile.

“I’m proud of the woman you've become, Joel would've been proud of you too.” she said, giving you a smile. 

You weren't sure if he would be proud of you but you nodded your head not wanting to disagree with her, you smiled at her before looking down at your hands when you felt tears well up in your eyes. You didn't wanted her to see you cry.

“Alright, we’ll talk about the other things tomorrow, I should go and you should eat something and get some sleep.” she said, getting up.

She meant Abby and Lev when she said other things.

“I will. thank you, for every for everything.” you told her.

“Of course.” she replied, smiling at you before she left, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You weren't sure if you could sleep alone, you spend all your nights with Ellie on the way to Seattle when she catched up to you and even on the way back home she stayed near you, even if she didn't touch you, you knew she was there and you felt safe sleeping knowing that she was somewhat close to you but now you were alone in this empty home. 

Home, that's not what it was, it was just a house, an empty house with an empty person.

You laid down on your bed and stared up at the ceiling. “what now?” you asked yourself, where would you go from here? 

Joel was gone and so was a part of you. you lost a part of yourself the day he died and you lost a part of yourself in Seattle and now with Ellie gone you felt like you were losing the last part of yourself. 

Closing your eyes, you tried to think of something else, you just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything for a while.