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thethousandyearwitch · 4 years ago

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The Show Must Go On! Chapter 4

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 4 “Shifting Sand Land” out now!

AO3 Link

Illumi had always feared that one day he might inherit any of his mother's illnesses. It wasn't out of the question, and he considered himself lucky that no ailment had reared its head so far into his life.

"Do I look as good as how I feel, darling?"

Until now.

Suddenly it felt like years of sickness had caught up with him, spun his head around and made his stomach curl.

It was a coincidence that this sickness would appear the second he laid eyes on Hisoka, wearing the suit that was fitted just for him.

It was a coincidence that he looked like all those marble statues in museums, sculpted in the image of gods and lovers.

It was a coincidence that this sickness could be swallowed and repressed like any measly feeling he had ever encountered.

"I told you to wear a shirt, maggot."

And the symptoms disappeared.

But the disease didn't.

----------------------------------------------------

Gon: Killua?

It had been quite a while since Killua had responded to any of Gons messages. Well, it had been about 2 hours. But compared to their normal pace of slinging messages at each other any passing minute, this felt like an eternity to the young boy. He wondered if he had done anything to upset his friend, though their last conversation was just usual banter about breakfast, snacks, and the new battle pass.

He fidgeted in his seat a bit more, the classwork Aunt Mito had supplied him with almost entirely forgotten. The now broken routine made his bones itch, but the attempt of any distraction just made him fear he'd miss when Killua would finally come back.

So, he waited.

He even started half-heartedly filling out the math quiz that had been taunting him from the corner of the desk, though he always glanced back at the computer screen.

Question number 27: (X-3)²-25= 0

Ping

Gon wasn't sure what to do first; Be thankful that finally Killua replied or be thankful that he found an escape from this hell called math.

Kil: Yo.

GON: Hey!!! Are you okay? :O

Kil: Yeah, whats up?

He was obviously not okay. But Gon knew that pressing the issue wouldn’t make things better, though if he pretended like everything was alright would just be an issue bottled up.

GON: Do you wanna play some Fortnite Duos maybe? We can try grinding for the new tiger costume you like :D

Kil: cant

Kil: my mom took my fucking PC away in attempt to become mother of the year

GON: :( im sorry!! But im sure she’ll give it back soon, right?

Kil: fat chance, I probably have to wait till my brother comes back from his stupid trip

Gon tilted his head in thought. This has probably been the longest Killua had ever talked about his family with him. Up to this point it had only been passing remarks about siblings whose actions and personalities melted into each other due to lack of discernible unique traits, and that his family was rich.

GON: How long is that going to be?

GON: Maybe your mom will calm down and change her mind <:(

Kil: lmao, maybe if id actually study now shed be satisfied enough

Kil: but theres no way in hell im going to give her what she wants

Kil: ESPECIALLY NOW

GON: So whatre you going to do??

Kil: idk

Kil: talk to you and think about how to set fire to this place?

The young boy smiled, though for some reason he could feel a knot tighten in his chest.

GON: How about only talking to me for now?

And they talked. For a couple of hours, they talked about Gons new streaming schedule, about how he wanted to have one dedicated day in the week solely for collaborations. They talked about a new exploit for Super Mario Sunshine that could potentially scrap 10 seconds off of the current World record if executed correctly. They talked about how Leorios medical-student VLOG channel had been trending again after he made a hypocritical video about the damages of energy drinks.

Kil: he could have at least cleaned the infamous pyramid out of frame…

GON: Haha he said that in hindsight too

GON: But I think it was his boyfriend who finally made him clean it up -v-“

Kil: must be nice to have someone living with you who gives a shit

Kil: I think at this point the housekeeper hasn’t even touched the minefield that’s my brothers room in months

GON: It can’t be that bad :”D

Kil: you bet?

Kil: what do you think, how much chip dust is needed for an anime figure to come to life?

The mental image of Killuas home slowly shifted in Gons mind again. A large mansion, bedrooms as big as some apartments, with individual housekeepers for everyone. And one room dedicated to imitating a postapocalyptic anime merch shop.

And somewhere in that large mansion, is a room probably equipped with a messy bed, a (now empty) desk and gaming chair, maybe some shelves with books and games. In the middle of it a slightly blurry figure, maybe a bit shorter than Gon, pale skin and messy hair and piercing bright eyes.

He had seen pictures of Killua, a handful of selfies taken at his desk, one picture his sister (who he’d mention the least from his mysterious family) had taken of him in front of a rose bush. And no matter how dimly lit the picture would be, or out of focus, or taken from a distance; His eyes were always the first thing Gon would focus on. At first, he was convinced that he was using a filter, there’s no way someone in real life would have eyes like that.

But Killua did. Killua hid electricity behind those eyes, dangerous and yet enticing, beaming with a life energy that can barely be contained. Gon had heard poems and songs about blue eyes, though none of them ever came close to describing eyes like these. Or the feeling Gon would get from looking at them, tingling in his fingertips, making him smile and giggle and stomp his feet. Kind of like getting a victory royale.

Gon has other friends besides Killua. But none ever made him feel the same way when they talked. He craved no one’s presence as much as he craved Killuas. And something inside him felt the constant urge to tell Killua that, to tell him how much he meant to him, what’s so amazing about him, how he didn’t want this friendship to end.

But that’s just not something friends would tell each other unprompted, and it’s not something that could easily told to Killua, who danced around the word “friends” as if it were a dangerous animal. So, he didn’t say anything.

Kil: gon?

Kil: did you fall asleep?

GON: No haha, I was just thinking about how huge your house must be!!

Kil: yeah its huge and ugly, sometimes way too loud, sometimes really fucking quiet

Kil: im sure it must be nicer in your home

GON: I mean, it is pretty nice, but its also a little lonely I think

GON: All my friends live closer to the city, so usually no one is around to just come outside and hang out :^T

Kil: if I could id fly over right now and you could show me all the gross spiders that rule your continent with 8 iron fists

GON: They aren’t gross!! Spiders are really fun once you get to know them :^D

GON: And you know, you’d always be welcome here, Aunt Mito would be thrilled to meet you ^^

And Gon meant it. Though Killua never let too much slip of his family life and surroundings, Gon could tell it was trouble, and he deeply wished he could give Killua even just a one-day break from whatever went down in that mansion.

Kil: since we are both home schooled, we wouldnt even need to wait for summer break or anything

GON: Right :^D And its not like either of us are big on studying either ^^”

Gon glanced briefly at the disregarded Math work and shuddered.

Kil: you mean it, right?

Kil: if I were to text you some time that im at an airport and im coming over, you wouldnt let me be stranded somewhere on your prison continent, right?

GON: Of course not!!!

GON: … but I’d prefer it if you give a heads up so I can clean my room :^D

Kil: thanks gon, I appreciate it

Kil: i appreciate you

Gon felt his heartrate skyrocket. Of course he’d let Killua stay, even if he rang at his door without any prior notice. Because even if it goes unsaid, Killua was his friend. Maybe even his best friend. And he’d do anything to keep him safe, or to just give him one minute that he doesn’t have to think about his family. He wanted to see those blue eyes reflect the Australian sun, free of worry and tension.

GON: I appreciate you, too

#hisoillu #killugon #Hunter X Hunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #fanfiction #hxh fanfic #yeah this fic isnt dead fsdjgh

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snxwboarder · 4 years ago

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//Hey friends. I’m back.

I’ve got an update on the situation I talked about a few days ago. Honestly writing the post I wrote last time really helped me, so I want to do it again. Just to put my thoughts down and allow myself to process.

If you’re going to read (which you’re welcome to!) please make sure you’ve read the trigger warnings in the tags.

But, just a tldr for anyone possibly concerned about my safety: I’m at my parents place now with all 5 of my ferrets and most of my stuff. I feel safe and loved and free. Still scared. Still sad. Still hurt. But very hopeful of the future.

Here I go

Like I said in my last post, I didn’t think I was in an abusive relationship. I was struggling to see it. Even when my friends pointed out the gaslighting and the manipulation, I always had a reason for why he acted the way he did. An explanation for his actions forever engraved into my system because I have always been the one to be there to save him. To excuse him. To forgive him.

It changed last night.

Abusive relationship.

Not something I thought I was in.

Until, for the first time since my dad pushed me out of the room so he could hit my mom when I was 11 years old, my partner became physical.

My boyfriend, of 7 years, who I reassured my friends, not even half an hour earlier, would never lay a hand on me.

Got physical.

I worked a full day yesterday, left the house before he got up. I fed the ferrets before I left, giving my senior ferret her twice daily lifetime medication 2 hours earlier than I normally do because I worked the morning shift - and I knew he wouldn’t wake up to do it.

We still hadn’t talked. Not much. How many days does that make it that he hasn’t spoken to me... 5? I lost count.

Our conversations consisted of me saying “have a good day at work” and his grunt in reply. A short “I’m going to my grandma’s house” because I needed to get out.

It wasn’t talking. Not really.

There was a time I think he wanted to talk. He came into the bedroom on the 4th night of us sleeping apart. He sat down, didn’t say much. I know he was trying to get me to ask what was wrong, if he was okay, what I could to do help him. But I didn’t say anything.

Which was.... hard.

Really hard.

I’ve spent 7 years being trained, like a collared bitch that comes to it’s masters call that when he’s upset, I find the solution. When we fight, I ask for forgiveness. When we can’t decide, I compromise.

7 years of training.

This time I didn’t do it though. No matter how tight he pulled the collar around my neck, the mumbled phrases he said to lure me in:

“I’m so tired...”

That’s what he said. He’s tired.

Him.

He didn’t ask how I was, he didn’t ask what I was thinking. He just sat there. Staring down into his lap. Breathing. Waiting for me to beg for forgiveness for a fight he started, for words he said, for a relationship he molded.

“What’s wrong with you?”

That’s the last real thing he had said to me and it still rings back and forth in my head.

4 days he left me with that.

20 minutes, give or take, that’s how long he sat there waiting. But I didn’t say anything. If he wanted to talk about the fight, I was ready to talk, but I knew it would end in a breakup right there and then at 1am. Not the ideal time. But... ideal times don’t really exist.

He left though. Wordlessly. Closing the door behind him just like the walls he always put up so that I could work to tear them down and make it right.

The next morning I went to work.

And while I stared into our empty store, my new coworkers that I’ve only known for 2 days standing around me. I made the choice that it was over. I was done sitting here with an infected bandage waiting for it to heal itself. I wanted to rip it off. Let the air sting against the cut he had caused so it could finally get a chance to breathe. To heal.

We were done.

I came home from work with determination in my steps and the most stomach turning anxiety in my gut.

We were done.

I entered the house. Silence. I go to his office. He’s playing fortnite.

He doesn’t notice me at first because he’s talking to his friends. His mood is different. He’s happy, I know it. I move towards him and he recognizes that I’m there.

“How was work?”

It was like nothing was wrong.

I’m still confused about that part but I didn’t focus on it for too long. “Can we talk when you’re done your game?” I said.

He agreed. I left the room to go downstairs.

I didn’t take my work uniform off thank god I didn’t take my work uniform off. My car keys were in my pocket because I didn’t stop to put them down. The ferret travel cage was in the car, not because I had it there as a “just in case” but simply because, like the keys, I had forgotten to put it away when I brought them inside after a vet appointment last week.

I text my friends to let them know that it’s happening. I had talked to my mom on the phone on the drive home from work to give her a heads up that tomorrow they’ll probably need to get me.

Tomorrow. I can’t believe I thought he’d let me stay the night.

He called my name when he was done the game. We never use each other’s names. Always pet names when we’re alone. So it was odd.

I went upstairs to his office and stood in the doorway.

He asked if I wanted to take a seat.

I said I did not.

The conversation that follows is not something I’m ready to fully bring myself back to, not yet, maybe not ever. I was clear in my intentions, firm with when I was leaving, and as factual as I could be. I explained what I felt he deserved to know, and allowed him to take the silences he needed to take.

A broken man sobbed in front of me, begging me to stay. Saying, for the millionth time, that he could change if I needed him to despite how I’d never seen the evidence of it. Said we could stop having sex for good. Said I was all that he had and without me he was completely alone. Said I couldn’t leave because if I did he would be by himself in a house with no one.

And then he remembered the ferrets.

“Are you taking the girls?” He asked me, breaking again in front of me.

I gave him a very clear, very hard “yes.”

Because I was.

I was leaving him and I was taking my ferrets with me.

More so than the conversation we just had, the following 30 minutes of my life are the worst 30 minutes I’ve ever experienced. I highly doubt I’ll ever be able to remember those 30 minutes and feel at peace.

It was when the abuse turned from emotional to physical. As he fought me for my ferrets. My girls.

My hands still hurt from where I grabbed their cage and my voice is still sore from yelling that he needed to let go.

I had my car keys in my pocket because of luck.

I had the kennel in my car because of forgetfulness.

I grabbed all 5 of them in my arms and I ran.

I ran.

I’ve never moved so quickly with my heartbeat hammering in my ears and my chest so tight with fear and anxiety, moving completely on gut instinct above literally anything else.

I got them into the kennel and I locked the car.

He could have the house. He could have the furniture. He could have the damage deposit and the subscriptions and the money that he owes me and my virginity that he stole and my broken beating fucking heart I don’t give a fucking shit about any of that useless garbage but he is not taking my girls. I brought them into this house because I wanted one fucking thing to keep me sane and moving and loved and I wasn’t leaving unless they were in the back of my car.

He lost his chance to say goodbye when he grabbed me.

He lost his chance to hold them one more time when he threatened to leave with them.

He lost his chance to a normal breakup when he stood by the door with rage in his eyes telling me that even though my parents were on their way to save me from the hell he trapped me in, he would not let them into his home to free me from the hold that he had so easily trapped me in.

But I stayed firm.

The keys were in my pocket.

I had my girls.

He moved towards me and I was scared but he grabbed his car keys and his wallet and stormed out of the house.

“You’re a selfish bitch. Fuck you.”

That’s the last thing he said.

And I sobbed in the doorway of my front door until my throat was raw and I couldn’t breathe. I sobbed because of how long I had been trapped. Because of the lies he told me. Because of how many times he said he’d change and never did. Because of all of the signs I missed. Because of all of the excuses I gave. Because of all the fighting and the compromising and the unhappiness. I sobbed because I was so relieved but so fucking terrified about everything that this changes and everything that this puts to an end. I just sobbed.

I don’t know when my step dad showed up but I assume he found me in the doorway shaking with my knees to my chest and my heart broken on the floor.

He held me for longer than he ever has. I don’t know what I said to him. I think I told him about the ferrets but I probably just kept mumbling “they’re in the car they’re in the car the girls are in the car” hoping he’d understand. I think he did. I don’t know.

My mom and brother were there in her van moments later and we packed.

Everything we could fit between 3 cars we packed. We started with the important stuff: my computer, the ferret cage, my sewing machine. We sacrificed the stuff that I didn’t have room for: my cosplay gear, half of my clothes, my fish tank (which breaks my fucking heart all over again please just take care of my fish I told them I was so sorry when we left but I just couldn’t take them).

It’s hard.

To watch the home you had just finished setting up be torn apart so quickly because you aren’t sure when he’s coming back to demand that you stay.

It’s hard.

But we did it.

My mom, my brother, my step dad, and me. We tore the home apart and I got my stuff.

I sobbed the whole drive away from that house. My brother drove with me, which I will never stop being thankful for. I sobbed because I was scared, still am, that my ex was going to kill himself. I was worried that that’s why he left. My eyes were on the highway and my heart was being left in broken pieces along the side of the road with each kilometre we drove.

And then I stopped crying.

About half of the way to my parent’s house.

Just.... stopped crying.

My brother and I talked about anime, one of our shared interests. He just finished watching SK8 with his wife and we were talking about our favourite parts, agreeing that Langa was best boy, making jokes about the silly bits and discussing our favourite scenes. Just talked with my brother about anime.

So I’m here now. In almost the same position I was in when I made a post like this last week, rethinking all of the reasons I had to leave. I’m at the kitchen table. I have a cup of tea that’s 3/4 full and completely cold because this post distracted me. I’ve been crying. A lot. My eyes are constantly puffy and red.

But about 30 minutes ago I went to walmart.

Stupid thing to give you hope, I suppose, a trip to walmart. I needed to get a sheet for my new bed though and I didn’t want to put it off.

A solo trip to walmart.

The same walmart that, exactly 1 week ago almost on the hour, I had been in with my ex (”ex” still feels odd to say). We had stopped by to get groceries after a couples counselling session. He was in a bad mood. We argued. In the car I apologized and he did not. 1 week ago I hadn’t realized everything wrong with us. 1 week ago I cried by the george t-shirts because he left me there in a rage after I said we needed to cross the store to get duct tape. 1 week ago I went to the mcdonalds in that walmart to get us burgers and the boy at the till was cute. 1 week ago I slipped into a 15 second daydream where I was with someone I found attractive. 1 week ago I felt guilty for the thought. 1 week ago I was just as brave as I was yesterday, but I didn’t know it yet.

I’m with my mom. I’m with my step dad. I’m with my ferrets.

I’m safe. I’m home.

When I sat at the red light on the way home from walmart, I felt the relief my mom had told me about 5 days ago. Not the wave that she described, nothing that “washed over me” like she had told me it did when she left my dad; but just a spark. A tiny little glimmer of “this is what’s right”, “this is what’s good”, “this is what’s better”.

My throat is still sore. My hands are still numb. And my heart still aches. But those pains go away eventually.

He goes away eventually.

#mun does mun things #tw: physical assault #tw: relationship abuse #tw: emotional abuse #tw: rape #tw: suicide #tw: anxiety

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addytheheartbreaker · 5 years ago

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"Meet Carmelo the Ice Cream"

Name: Carmelo Jerato

Age: 22

Height: 6'1 ft

Weight: 59 kg

Mask singer belong to: Tyler "Ninja" Blevins

Friends with: Doll, Dog, Rabbit, Egg, Monster, Penguin, Hippo, Skeleton, Ladybug, Rottweiler and Unicorn.

Appearance: Ice cream person, blue mint ice cream hair with chocolate sauce and sprinkles with a single strawberry ice cream top fisish with a cherry on top (if he could turned into a human, his hair would be obviously light blue). Light skin, kitsune no me (also known as "Fox eyes" or "Shifty eyes" in English or people who always closed his/her eyes), sky blue eyes (made out of ice cream, if human his eyes are sky blue eyes), the OwO smile (because he is adorable), blushes and slender and tall body type.

Clothing style: Ice cream theme with ice cream related decorations and accessories (flavor color and various of toppings), jacket or hoodies, sweater or printed shirts, his bandana and formal suits (main clothing). Casual clothes, ninja uniform (only for battle competitions or in gaming dimension).

Fun facts about Carmelo:

•Carmelo is a Americans-Japanese boy living in America his whole life.

•he can speak and understand English and Japanese, his mother taught him japanese which he learned very quickly in young age.

•he has a collection of anime (old times and modern times), he can also watch anime on his spare time.

•Ice Cream can let Egg borrowed his anime since the two loves watching anime. There are times when they watch anime together at the Masked Singer 2 mansion.

•Carmelo is a huge sweet tooth, he often must eat sweets after meals or when he is still live on twitch gaming.

•A successful professional gamer/streamer, has claimed many titles like Ninja, a billionaire and a well known generous philanthropist.

•as a famous streamer star and a philanthropist, he is generous to do a charity for mental health issues support, suicidal prevention, cancer prevention and child depression treatment support.

•Carmelo is a very friendly, energetic, enthusiastic, cheerfula fun, child like, and wonderful guy to meet with.

•he is friendly to children and has time to hang out at the child depression treatment support center to cheer and play with depressed children.

•He is an associated of the group called the "Night Streamers Joy".

•Ice Cream has been controlled and trolled by his boss who challenging each other while doing charity.

•Ice Cream can go through different dimensions. His main dimension where his group are in is the "Gaming dimension", a huge unknown island like battle field for him and the group with many people to play. (Fortnite reference).

•The only way he can go to that dimension is actually out of the body experience like. His real body still stays while controlling and expressing emotions while playing as his mind and soul entered the visual dimension as a player. (Inspired by the movie Sucker Punch, loved that movie its awesome)

•Carmelo secretly owns many weapons that looks like the game or fortnite weapons that came to real life. He knows how to use it and it is highly unknown how he managed to use it but some believed that he had been practicing on playing games his whole life.

•His family, a mother and father, an older brother and younger sister, he is a middle brother but treated like a child to him.

•owns so MANY games at his bedroom and gaming room. He remembers what the games instructions and stories about and he basically remembered every game titles.

•Ice Cream couldn't go outside without drinking nitrogen liquid.

•Nitrogen liquid is a family traditional everyday medicine because his family are all ice cream or frozen dessert people. He needed to drink nitrogen before going outside is because of the sun heat exposing if he stays outside for too long.

•the only part that would melt first is his eyes and hair. The eyes melts faster then his hair and it gave him a terrifying melting eye look that scares everyone.

•but that's alright, he can refilled his eyes by going to the "Comfort room" (aka the Freeze room), stay there for 10 minutes before putting 2 scoops of ice cream to his eyes.

•if he had a human form, Carmelo has asthma from overheat and couldn't stand heat very seriously.

•He plays video games and do streaming and live charity 24/7. He is also takes breaks but didn't take vacations because of his melting pressure.

•his hobbies are playing soccer, playing more video games (on or off streaming), hanging with friends or the children, going to the mall to play arcade games then get a lot of prizes and going through cafes, candy and bakery stores to eat sweets.

•he doesn't have any stomach problems or any illness after eating a huge amount of sweets. Its because as an ice cream man who is born with a family of frozen desserts, sweets is a resource power and energy.

•his hair, hair accessories?, eyes and outfit changes flavor and toppings according to his mood and emotions. However, the black licorice/charcoal black ice cream flavor is the most expensive looking ice cream you ever seen.

•the black ice cream is not shown on public. There are rumors on public that causes everyone on craving to wanting to tastes it but couldn't reach and trigger his black ice cream. It remains mysterious to unlock that flavor.

•the only person who Carmelo already showed and letting them taste the black ice cream is his closest friends who are willing to keep a secret, Bezai (Egg), TJ (Monster) and his family.

•Egg and Monster knew the taste of the expensive looking black flavor, if asked they both wouldn't revealed it.

•the only way to trigger the Black Licorice/Charcoal Black Ice Cream are two things; someone with a very HUGE amount of money donating on his lives streams or someone who is a billionaire and in ready battle or in fighting mode.

•the Black Ice Cream is called "Killer Ice Cream" or "Dark Time Ninja flavor". Because people are Dying to get that type of flavor and this killer ice cream is only active when he faces a fighting challenged or wanting to murder someone (but too soft to commit such crime). It only showed at the Gaming dimension only.

•He is friends with Marshmello. Ninja introducing to him and he has been on his concert for fun.

•He has his bandana, Ninja made it for him so they could match together. He only wear his bandana when he feels like fighting, when he feels serious on playing fair and on Killer Ice Cream mode.

•A huge fan of Naruto, him and his group did the running ninja which he had a lots of views of the random video on youtube.

•his powers is nitrogen fog or frost powers (it is different to Ice power to Frost powers).

•his fighting style is karate, taekwondo and military skills. He professional learned taekwondo daily at high school when he was just a teen, he won 3 gold medals and 5 silver medals from first to the end of high school years.

•as for his military skills, he got it from the game and learned all further constructions which is explained on why he knew how to use a gun and other weapons he possessed.

•Carmelo suffers on depression. In addition onto how he got depression is when he was just a teen where he first got his own twitch.

•age 17-18, he is a victim of toxic fans and was a victim of a certain person on twitch who ruined him into giving his fans a negativity on live streams. Ninja notices the changes and decided to stop the manipulator by exposing him with a help with his friends. Carmelo is grateful that his mentor/friend helped him for everything, but he still suffers to depression still.

•he took medication and support on his long break from twitch before he had finally continue to play.

•his has the same views and followers as Ninja's. Ice Cream is still in the same number of views today.

•He left twitch after Ninja decided to leave twitch. Which means he had left his group, the reason behind it is not just about Ninja. Carmelo: the real reason I left is because its time for me to moved on to the next level and get out from my comfort zone. It was fun after everything I've been through and I had a lots of good memories and bad memories here on twitch. I'll leave the guys who are now my former group to keep it up.

•he can draw anime and cartoon, he only draw it on spare time.

•his room at the Masked singer 2 mansion. His room is literally the freezer room obviously located at the kitchen, the room walls are all covered with crystal ices but in light blue, it was dark but his room are filled with neon lights, his complete desktop, a bathtub filled with ices, his bed, a mountain of ice cream containers and several frozen desserts and a room with his clothes there (Bezai: It bothers me that you put your clothes at this freezer room as your room Carmelo. Carmelo: why bother? I'm an ice cream man, I need to be at least chill to cool myself enough.) (see what I did there 😉 )

•He always played loud music every weekends because he wanted to practice dancing. The song choice are Marshmello's songs, electric soundtracks, 8-bit songs, and Japanese songs (mostly vocaloid).

•Ice Cream once played Family feud because he is a fan of that show since teenage years. Him and his group played together then won the money.

•his partner Bezai, Carmelo always been beside him and always go with him around for no reason. Because they are partners together, Ice cream and Egg are food related which is why he always have to follow him.

•he is Addy's playmate when he is out streaming. When he isn't playing on his desktop, they go play on the couch play video games on TV, PC and go to the mall to play arcade games to get prices.

•Ice Crean respectedly and acted politely to woman and young ladies. Since he knew about Ninja banned to play with a female player, he followed his advice onto not playing with a female player but he would act courteous when out of streaming or gaming.

•He met Egg when he went to have an interview together before the Masked Singer season 2.

•He can't say any swear words since he never swear in his life. He did hear people swearing but for him, he remains clean to his mouth especially in front of children.

•since his eyes remain close all the time and everyday, he has a emoji that looks exactly his look. His emojis are actually OwO but closing eyes: —w— , ^w^, UwU, ~w~, >w<, XwX, =w=

#the masked singer human au #the masked singer #masked singer #carmelo jerato the ice cream #carmelo jerato

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softestziam · 6 years ago

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This is dedicated to my Z/D anon. Thank you for listening to me babble and thank you for inspiring this crap.

Eric had it all planned out, every last detail was mapped out perfectly in his mind. What he was going to wear, what he was going to say, everything, so no mistakes were to happen. He consulted with Kane and his dad beforehand to get some ideas and perspectives on what and how to do it. He had been gathering information for months, since they touched down in Russia in June. Scoping out ideas, subtly dropping hints, asking questions hoping he’d get an answer he could use and run with. He even spoke with Sally and Alan, knowing Harry would be no help, just mug the whole thing off. Everyone told him to make sure it was meaningful and special to them. That wasn’t any help though. Eric knew that from the moment he thought of the idea. He racked his brain for ideas, tried to find something creative, something memorable. It was hard to focus when work and illness and life got in the way. Late night google searches on the coach home or taking his phone with him into the bathroom for some privacy. Kane asking him during the plane ride home from Amsterdam while everyone was still celebrating. The only concrete thing he knew was that it was going to be done on summer holiday, after the Champions League final and after the Nations League. They could just hop on a plane and take off.

His first thought was Portugal, on the beach as the sun set behind them, the waves crashing creating a beautiful atmosphere. His mum shut that down almost immediately, saying that wasn’t something that symbolized them, that symbolized Eric. He thought about Milton Keynes which Sally quickly vetoed, expressing Dele’s uneasiness about his hometown. The ups and downs he face there and what he still deals with at time, internally. Eric was running out of ideas and had to think and do something, fast. Everything else was in order, the outfits, the ring, the speech he’d give. Now he just needed to know where he was going to do it. Kane told him to make a list of places that were special to them and meant something. That was impossible, every time he thought about Dele it was followed with a memory of football. The first time they kissed was in France during the Euros, after the Iceland lose. Sitting in their shared hotel room, tension and emotions running high between them. They’d been playing this back and forth game all season and it followed them to France. Eric was consoling a down rotten Dele when it happened. Dele desperately grabbing at Eric’s shirt that he stained with tears when he mustered up the courage to just kiss him.

They returned to England after their respective holidays and their energy changed. The flirting was more aggressive, more open, more personal. The other lads didn’t seem to care or mind, Trippier applauding them actually. They didn’t have an official title but they definitely snuck kisses in the changing room when no one was there or paying attention. Grabbed onto each other tighter during goal celebrations, whispers in each other ears when they had prying eyes watching them. Promises of the future, both in the romantic and sexual nature. Their first declarations of love was revolves around football as well, England had just qualified for the World Cup. Once again emotions were running high, adrenaline pumping through their veins. Everyone was celebrating, bombarding Southgate and Kane. These little band of misfits who collapsed in France were heading to Russia. Dele jumped on Eric’s back, demanding to be carried around the pitch like a child when it slipped out of his mouth. Eric almost dropped him he was so taken aback by it. be carried around the pitch as they celebrated with their fans and each other. That’s when it slipped out of Dele’s mouth. He was on a high, euphoric, and said it, stunning them both. Eric almost dropped him in shock, trying to play it off, play it cool but readjusting him on his back. Later that night Eric said it back, just the two of them watching the stars above them on their hotel balcony.

Russia solidified everything for Eric, even before then to be totally honest. The few weeks between the season ending and the national team gathering at St. George's Park were eye opening, life altering for Eric.They both knew it’ll be the last time they’d have to themselves before everything changed. They had such a strong belief in their team, the group of lads Southgate assembled, that England was going to make some noise in Russia. Picking out what to pack somehow became intimate and special to them, something to treasure. Dele always taking the piss out of the situation, especially when Eric’s fashion sense was involved. Eric joking at the over abuent amount of hair products Dele was packing, each one for a different weather type with a different smell to them. He loved him but knew he was excessive. The minute they touched down in Russia Eric knew. Knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life, personally and professionally, with Dele. Watching as Dele just took everything in around them with wide eyes. Asking so many questions about every sight they came across. Throwing himself into every training, every game, even if he didn’t play. Even at only twenty two he was wise, life had hardened him early on and it never once jaded him, even when it should have.

When they had days off, which were few and far between, Dele wanted to do anything Eric did. Going to a museum, learning about the Russian culture, the history, things you’d never learn in a classroom. Eric was enamoured by this new side of Dele, someone who was willing to expand his horizons, to learn. That’s when Eric thought of proposing at the London National History Museum. Walker and Stones shot that down the minute Dele got back to his room and went straight in his PlayStation to play Fortnite against Trent. You could take the boy out of England but couldn’t take the England out of the boy, clearly. His ideas were dwindling and despite everyone’s excitement, no one was helping at all. They all said he had to find a place on his own, they could all point him in the right direction but ultimately it was up to Eric. During training and downtime during Russia, Eric could casually ask Dele questions about their relationship, what it meant to him, where he saw them going long term. It caused Dele some panic, confiding in Rose that Eric was going to break up with him after the tournament.

After the Colombia shootout and amazing victory, courtesy of Eric, he shook his head in amusement at Dele and promised he wasn’t going anywhere. Eric even almost dropped to his knee and proposed right then and there, everyone watching be damned. His emotions were running high, everything felt alive, like he was vibrating with adrenaline. Reality knocked him back down to size when he and Pickford were getting pulled in a million different directions to give interviews. The Croatia game made everything feel normal again as they lost and returned back to England. They went on their summer holidays, separately, with the promise to keep in contact and reconnect once they were back in London. That’s when Eric’s ideas went into overdrive. That’s where he did most of his planning, Dele none the wiser, enjoying the California weather with some of the lads from the England team. The season started without a hitch, even if they missed the first few matches due to a delayed holiday. Everything was going swimmingly. Dele still oblivious to what he was going to do. Eric confided in some of Dele’s friends when he officially bought the ring, asking for their advice. Dele was simple but flashy, wanted to make a subdue statement in everything he did. Wanted to be memorable but not arrogant and his jewelry was the same way.

The season wasn’t perfect, they rarely are. Injuries and a surprise appendicitis threw them both off. If Eric had to reflect on his season, he’d openly admit it wasn’t his best and he knew it. He knew what was being written about him almost on a weekly basis. Dele would admit it wasn’t his best either, but he was determined to work harder and be better next year. Some people didn’t get a next year, or are even lucky enough to accomplish what he had accomplished at his age. Making the Champions League final and finishing in the top four wasn’t something to dismiss. It was a reflection of the team and how good and determined they were. Football was winding down, getting an England call up for the Nations League was great but neither of them were ready for a heavy match due to playing days earlier in Madrid. A lot of the Spurs players, along with Liverpool players, weren’t able to wear the Three Lions during a crucial time. It gave Eric more time to finalize everything though. He had finally narrowed down the venues to propose in. He spoke to everyone who could help and talked through the logistics of everything. He knew, sadly, he couldn’t do it in a public place so that cancelled out the restaurant where they held Dele’s welcome to the club dinner.

“What are we doing here?” Dele asked as he followed Eric past empty rooms. “Seasons over, Diet.”

Eric mocked laughed at Dele’s comment. “Just wait.”

“Does Poch know you’re here? The grounds crew?” He continued to ask questions as they walked into the medical room at Enfield. “Finally getting that lobotomy you so desperately need?”

“Funny,” he replied dryly even though he enjoyed the playfully banter between the two of them. His heart was racing, his palms sweating. His nerves made him feel like he was vibrating, a livewire.

“The medical room,” Dele observed, switching on the light and doing a small spin around the room. “Romantic. But, why are we here?”

“I love you,” Eric started, letting out a deep breath to calm himself. “Didn’t always want to admit it, not to myself, and not to you.”

“Thanks,” Dele snorted.

“You were the biggest pain in my ass when you first arrived. Dele Alli, the superstar from MK Dons. The next big Spurs and England superstar,” Eric continued. “I wanted to hate you so much, Del.”

“Oh thanks.”

“But I couldn’t,” he sighed. “You weaseled your way into my life. Day in and day out, you were glued to my side. You gelled well with Walks and Kane but it was me you loved to rile up.”

“Still do,” Dele reminded him.

“That’s why I can’t picture my life without you, inside and outside football,” Eric told him, making sure he was speaking to directly to Dele and not at the floor or the wall behind him. “Here’s where we first met. It was right before your first training. I was greeting the medical staff when Poch came in to introduce you to everyone.”

“You has that floppy prince hair,” Dele recalled with a smile. “Looked like a California frat boy.”

“I loved that hair!”

“Frat boy,” he stressed.

“Anyway,” Eric interrupted any further tangents by Dele. “My disdain for you grew into appreciation, which turned into tolerance, then like, and eventually love. I wake up thinking of you and fall asleep dreaming of you.”

“Frisky.”

Eric sighed once again and reached into his pocket. Everything was straight out of a cliché but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He kneeled and watched as Dele’s eyes grew wide. “Delboy, babe, I want this life with you and no one else. There’s no one else I want to experience this crazy life with. Will you marry me?”

Dele stared down at Eric in shock, eyes wide and prickling with tears. He blinked a few times to get them away but they just began to fall freely. “E-Diet.”

“Marry me?” He asked again, opening the ring box to enunciate his point.

“Y-Yes!” He cried enthusiastically, hands trembling. He watched in awe as Eric slipped the ring on his ringer to solidify it. Dele didn’t even care that he was crying, tears falling from his eyes and onto his shirt. “I love you.”

Eric stood up and smirked at Dele, his eyes wet from tears as well. “This was so agonizing.”

“Proposing to me?”

“Planning this,” he laughed. “Been trying since Russia.”

“That’s why you were so skittish the whole summer,” Dele realized, looking down at his left hand, marveling at the new accessory on his finger.

“Besides trying to win a World Cup, yeah,” he replied. Eric hooked his finger in Dele’s belt loop to pull him closer. “Love you.”

“Just kiss me, Diet,” he demanded, standing on his tiptoes to reach Eric’s lips. Their kiss was soft and slow, tears falling from both their eyes. Dele started to laugh into Eric’s mouth when he felt a tear fall down his face and into his open mouth. This began a giggling fit from the two of them, still exchanging soft kisses in between laughs. “But seriously, does Poch know you’re here?”

Eric rolled his eyes and jokingly pushed Dele away from him. “I pulled some strings.”

“I love you,” Dele laughed, grabbing a hold of Eric’s hand and squeezing once, twice. “Let’s go home and celebrate.”

“Let’s go home and call our parents, my phones been going off all night,” Eric told him.

“They knew!” Dele exclaimed. “Did Harry know? You know he can’t keep a secret.”

“He knew and shockingly kept his mouth shut,” Eric answered, as they walked out of the medical room and through the empty corridors to the exit. “Never asked for his input though cause we all know he’s shite at that.”

“Good call,” he agreed with a head nod, still holding onto Eric’s hand tightly. “I’m marrying a genius.”

“You are,” Eric confirmed, laughing as he dodged Dele’s hand from hitting him upside his head.

“Unbearable,” Dele groaned, opening the passenger side door and getting in as Eric opened the door for himself. “I am impressed Diet, pulling this off without a hitch.”

“Was torture,” he told him, grabbing Dele’s hand again and he started the car and took off towards home. “Glad you said yes.”

“Glad you asked.”

#deledier #my writing

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chiefpaperdonut-blog · 6 years ago

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day 1 journal

here i am

after all this time

make the changes you need

and stop being a broken record

it feels good being able to type on a keyboard again. strange that i haven't been able to for months.

i like not being a computer slave though.

also, this computers HDD may die soon

it's probably worth getting some sort of HDD that you can collect all your various datas and throw them together

it'd be nice to have the photos. even if photos make me sad.

i think what's sad is just what you've given up

and for nothing of lasting value

nor people who valued you for you

well maybe that last point is a bit dramatic

maybe just write out your emotions and let yourself cry and be a human again

====

you got to love/shake your head at the excuses used for the various drug addictions i ended up stacking on top of one another

the reality is that you are intelligent, but you've not lived intelligently

stop handicapping yourself. it's illusionary pleasure, distraction

it could be a videogame addiction. but it wasn't. it was drugs.

the cheapest shortcut

and of course, there's a lot of price to pay eventually

it doesn't seem like it at the time but that's how it transpires.

i'm sick of being a drug addict and not reaching my true potential. not facing the reality of life. of course it's hard. but you've made it harder, through short term thinking.

you're midway through your 20s. this is in someways the most productive period of your life.

it hasn't all been a waste. you've been relatively functional. but you don't see things through enough. you could have done far more. also, you need to get out of this environment.

this house has been fun. it's also been illuminating. the place has been mostly a total fucking sty. indulgent nothingness. you had some fun times with friends, who you thought would always be there for you. the reality is that some of those friendships are not like that, and are built on very shaky foundations.

i want to hold myself to a higher standard. i want to do more good in this world. i want to be able to properly look after myself.

it's ok for it to be hard. it's ok for this to be a struggle. believe believe believe

i've had enough signs from god to know it'll all be fine.

don't forget the signs. they are telling you to change path. this is a time of change.

even if it's hard. not fun. even if sobriety fucking freaks you out, or stresses you out

eventually that'll fade. and you'll be free. and infinitely better off.

the whole living with high people sitting on a couch playing games or watching tele, doing fuck all, messy place, no money, it's too sad and empty. it's not what i want for myself or for anyone else, there's a lot more to life. you used to know this. you still know this, but you've made the decisions.

time to make another decision. the decision to not use today.

just a day at a time. you don't need to quit forever. plenty of people have slip ups anyway.

just one day. one day is more than none.

===

i just saw someone walk by my window. and middle aged but poorly aged woman smoking a cigarette, wearing baggy, cheap, scrappy looking active wear / salvos stock. you see a lot of the older, poor people in the kilburn area. even the people your aguish at savers (sam commenting what was she doing with her life). that is a result of decisions by and large. it begins with the decision to smoke a cigarette. then drugs, alcohol, whatever - it ends up coming before alll else. even appearance. showering.

their lives aren't necessarily bad. it's not my place to make a value judgement about the content of their character. because that so easily could be you. it's a result of decisions, one after the other.

these people may be carrying burdens that you have no idea of

at the end of the day though, i don't want that

i don't want to be poor as shit on a pension, scraping by

getting the bus because there's no other options

picking cigarette butts off the ground

prioritising alcohol or whatever substance above all else

it's the relationship with it, and the decision one makes around them

is it a healthy relationship?

for me, obviously not. it's not the path i wish to walk down.

drug addiction very rarely ends in a positive manner, excluding stories of going straight. even the famous people for example who made it work would have likely been more effective / lived longer if they'd nipped it in the bud.

it's a crutch but you already knew how to walk

but you used it so much that you ended up forgetting how to walk

and was then afraid without it you'd fall flat on your face

----

(−)-trans-Δ⁹ -- -tetrahydrocannabinol

anhedonia

----

you already quit your opiate addiction earlier this year.

don't replace drug addiction with laptop addiction

you already know the sort of stuff you are good at and the work you can do

the goals you can and do hold

time to stop wasting

---

i want to quit

that's why i'm on /r/leaves

that's why i'm going to make an account to keep accountable.

---

other thing about living situation - no matter how many problems you think you have and that you've neglected through drug use, it's not like that applies just to you. ky is the same, hence that list i wrote earlier talking about his actions. how they reveal a lot of flaws in the way he interacts with others / honesty. that's the other thing about weed. oh, it's so chill. people who smoke like ky are so chill. well, not really. it's artificial and fake. you've seen him lose his shit. act in a pretty crappy way. he's human like the rest of us, but he is still stuck in using weed and as soon as he gets back, he likely will again. it makes more sense then him going sober, paying his bills, changing the way he interacts to be more honest instead of trying to remove any amount of difficulty / disturbance from his life.

---

think of all the times you scraped for res

searched the ground for bud

smoked weed covered in cat hair

checking stash spots that you know you don't have any weed in

but MAYBE

maybe there'll be something

opening baggies and collecting particles

filtered bong water to collect plant matter that had fallen through

didn't it make you feel rather grubby? to take a drug to such an extent, to never not try maximise etc.

instead of just waiting until the next time, it had to be MAXIMUM

no waste

but that sounds too positive, no waste

considering every second spent on that behaviour was a total waste.

don't ever go back to that.

----

a random catholic covered a church being robbed for 1000 dollars. that's a spirit of awesome generosity. you could be that type of person if you make the necessary decisions.

---

by the time you are sober , by your next bday, you'll have three years essentially

three years to work it out, get your shit together and make something of yourself

not that 30 is a deadline for life. but for me, i'd like to be well on the way then.

the sooner the better

----

you're reading weed defenders defend their drug on redid and it's hilarious in a sense, sad in another. it really drives home the bad stereotypes about the drug and the obvious delusion most daily stoners labour under. 'i'm still productive, i've still achieved things' - like what? - not much -

think of people like mark carey . supposedly smart, knows a lot about science blah blah blah. yet he's mid 30s , achieved fuck all and that doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

maybe the debauched lifestyle is romanticised to help those who live with it. shame that it convinces others, such as myself, to jump deep into that pool. especially with it's connections to art and music. the reality though - you and everyone else for that matter would be better off (bar those with seizures / genuine medical use eg. NOT ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION IT MAKES IT WORSE EVENTUALLY)

---

if you get through all this mess, it'll be something to be proud of and proof of the strength i have to draw on.

---

SOBER

Stop, observe - with detachment - how do i feel?

Breathe - deep slow breaths

Examine - why do i feel like this?

respond - not react.

10 minutes meditation

---

remember zoe from work commenting about how i should just leave instead of wanting to get evicted. i was annoyed at the time because of course i was thinking it's not that simple.

there's ky, the band, cats, money owing , shared responsibilities yada yada yada

but the reality is it is that simple

you've accepted so much that is unacceptable through acquiescence through drug use.

kyrons constant fucking around with money.

it's been months and months of being fucked around.

so come on. time to wake up.

it is that simple. and necessary.

mum will help you. you can then rebuild, and change your life.

i could be in a position where i could move to japan if i hadn't smoked weed. i probably would have finished university, if not prior to working at child support, certainly the next year and a half of not really being that employed.

you still did a lot of things in a sense. they just weren't very productive. time spent at salvos. working writing jobs. won that writing competition. wrote an entire film script. made music, improved skills , and exposure.

you may be entering in some senses your golden period.

plenty of people make use of themselves later then 27

sure, we hear plenty about the young who are already running out the gate

you made decisions to build friends, have memories, different experiences and exposures to different lifestyles. that is valuable and this part of your life is not wasted. in fact, by recognising how much more i am capable of, and by beating numerous difficult drug addictions, i'm proving my ability as a human, growing. i don't think it's true that weed puts you in a COMPLETE stasis, but maybe i was lucky because i still liked doing things / reading / learning. plenty just sit about playing fortnite. the reality though is that i could have done A LOT more. and that makes a difference. you've gained an interesting perspective into different ways of living / people. even if you think about high school, nearly all your friends were kinda middle class and well off and not turning to drugs. now you're with the drudgers , it's all dysfunctional , single parent homes. maybe that's a bit harsh and inaccurate. at the end of the day though, hardcore drug use is dysfunctional and dysfunctional people will be drawn to this.

you have been dysfunctional. this is why you've alienated a lot of former friends, through treating them inappropriately. things won't get better unless you make a proper effort at becoming functional. and you can. a lot of the things that motivated you to take drugs initially - lack of being cool, having friends/fun, trying new , different things, and even though i probably didn't think of it, taking the easy way out to feeling good and ignoring the bad of life and my self-esteem issues from not fitting in as a younger person. i wasn't very assertive when i first came back over. i found it hard to talk to others blah blah blah. even though socially things were better in wales then melbourne/rose park, there was still plenty of mistakes and growing pains. these are not problems anymore. i'm a lot wiser. and there's still a lot of mountains to climb, but different ones. not just sitting at the top of the one i climbed years ago. in fact, i've been atrophying and going backwards in a lot of those areas - DUE to drugs. it has kept me static but also dysfunctional, and over time, i've had that manifest through bad behaviour that has alienated my friends. at a certain point they have to give up. it's for their own health as well.

day 1 for weed, day 7 for tobacco. keep it up.

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thethousandyearwitch · 4 years ago

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The Show Must Go On! - A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 2

FF.net link - AO3 link

Gon Freecs had started his twitch account mostly for fun. After he had saved enough of his money from summer jobs to afford a computer for himself, the young boy had discovered the vast world of video games, diving headfirst into whatever flash games or free steam games he could (Until Mito caved and gave him some redeemable online gift cards as a present). Pretty quickly he started making connections over some of those games, getting invited to discord groupchats, and developing friendships with people he’d frequently play with.

One Day, his friend Leorio, a medical student from France who Gon had met through one of those groupchats, asked if he wanted to join his Sunday Stream. He explained that they’d just team up for a couple of rounds of Fortnite, and Gon could leave whenever he wanted to if he ended up not liking the Twitch experience. Leorio did not admit to the fact that he only asked Gon because his usual partner bailed due to a bad hangover, and he himself was too hungover to manage a stream by himself. This resulted in a lively evening filled with banter, excited yelling, and only minor technical difficulties considering Gons location further out in the country. Leorio ended the stream, thanking his viewers, signing off, but he stayed on call with Gon.

“Thanks so much for jumping in today, I owe you!” His French accent wasn’t too thick, but it still curled around his words.

“Its no problem! It was actually pretty fun, so if you ever need another stream-pal...” The young boy trailed off as he started to feel faint traces of sleepiness creeping up on him. His computer screen was the only light on in the room, and it wasn’t exactly gentle on his eyes.

“About that actually; Have you thought about trying to stream for yourself?”

“Huh?” Gon could hear the tell-tale creaking of Leorios chair as he reclined back. “I mean, you’ve definitely got the energy for it, you’re not half bad at playing video games; Though that’s not really a requirement...Point is, I think you’d have fun with it.” Gon let the thought of it roll around his mind like a marble. He did have a lot of fun livestreaming this once, and there wasn’t anything that exactly spoke against it, except maybe that his sleep schedule could suffer under it. But that may as well be expected of a boy his age.

“Do you think people would really come to watch me play video games?” He finally asked, voice lined more with curiosity rather than insecurity. “Are you kidding? My chat loved you! Everyone loves a cute kid whose always one victory royale away from changing his legal name into his gamer tag and develop an addiction to monster energy.” Gon giggled in reply, “I’m not even allowed to drink those.” “Thank God you aren’t, if you had any more energy than you already have, you’d probably explode on the spot. Those things are loaded with junk anyways.” Gon decided not to bring up the infamous Redbull-pyramid that always lingered in the corner of Leorios videos. He could always use that another time if Leorio tried to lecture him about healthy living habits.

“Well, I guess I could try it out this week…But I think I’d need a guide to help me set the whole thing up…” Gon grinned to himself, hearing the familiar creaking again as Leorio sat up straight on the other end.

“I mean, I did say I owe you, and who would I be to leave a kid struggling with modern technology. And since my chat seemed to love you, I may even host your first stream, get you some exposure, y’know?” Mission success, Gon fed into Leorios ego and ensured that he wouldn’t have to struggle with stream setup by himself. He was quite thankful for the older mans (by stretch of that word) help and friendship, almost like an older brother, switching between caring protectiveness and friendly torment.

“Now, isn’t it time for you to get some shut-eye?” Busted. Gon glanced at the clock in the corner of his screen, 12:13 am. They said their Goodbyes, and the young boy settled into bed almost as quickly as he fell asleep.

The coming week, as promised, Leorio had helped Gon figure out his stream setup, settling for his channel name ‘Foxbeargaming’. With each passing day and conversation about the topic, Gon felt the static inside him build up, excitement and anticipation mixing in his bloodstream, until that long-awaited Friday.

And it was worth that wait. Gon spend a good 3 hours that day streaming Fortnite, at first in Teams with Leorio and his usual stream-pal Zepile, and later a few single matches. He hadn’t even realized how easy it came to him to interact with chat, leisurely talking about what came to mind, joking about events in the game, and just basking in this new way of releasing his bubbly energy. Leorio had warned him that he may feel exhausted after the first stream, but that’s not at all what the young boy experienced; After turning everything off, he was still beaming with joy. When he nestled into bed, he curled to his side, trying to repress his smile, though it would still take a good hour before he had calmed down enough to drift to sleep.

That joy he had experienced was enough to drive him to continue to stream at least once every 5 days, not consistent enough to build a schedule, but often enough to slowly gather a fanbase, loyal viewers who started tuning in whenever he announced a stream. It took a couple of months before people started posting his stream highlights to YouTube, and after that only a few weeks before someone offered to do official edits for him, on his own YouTube channel. A YouTube channel ended up drawing even more attention to him, people in Twitch-chat mentioning they found him through compilations and highlights.

Of the people whose attention was caught by the bright faced boy, one appeared for the first time in chat while he was streaming Super Mario 64, a palate cleanser from his usual Fortnite streams. The first message had been inconspicuous enough, provoking, but not too much out of the ordinary.

“KilCat666: try a BLJ lol”

This however prompted Gon's entire chat to egg him on to try various speedrun tactics, until the rest of the stream was spent attempting (and failing) a “Lobby Backwards Long Jump”. Gon took it well and promised chat that if they wanted to he’d try to practice again on the next stream, asking for tips in his Discord chat. Speedrunning wasn’t really his way of playing games, he was too impatient and would rather experience the game as intended, but it shook things up, and was a surprisingly great way to regain focus after playing a different game for too long. Soon enough, the Server started bubbling with tutorials, tips, and heated discussions about optimal routes. Gon read through the chat, enjoying how everyone seemed to get into the topic, while also mourning his dwindling attention span as more and more messages came in. With the overflow of information, his brain felt like it was thrown into a deep fryer (Though maybe he was just hungry). Defeated, he dropped his head on his desk. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew. How was he supposed to take all this information in and actually learn it in time for the next stream? This was worse than school. Maybe he should ju-

Bloop.

Gon raised his head from his desk, greeted by a new private message. It wasn’t anyone from his friends-list, but that wasn’t too unusual, a lot of people from his Server would DM him, and he didn’t mind talking with anyone who had something to say to him.

“Kil: Yo.”

“Kil: do you need like help with SM64 lol”

The young boy adjusted his tired eyes to the screen, trying to find recognition into the profile picture of a white cat, but not finding it.

“GON: Hi!! :^D I’m taking tips right now if you have any!”

“Kil: your inputs were really sloppy lol”

Ouch, though true.

“Kil: but you’ve got morale at least”

“Kil: I made a short guide on my channel, if u wanna check it out?”

Attached to the last message was a link to a YouTube video, and just as announced, it was a eight minute tutorial on “LBLJ”, with text overlay explaining the various steps. What stood out more to Gon however, was the view and subscriber count to the Channel ‘Kilcat666’. After scrolling through the channel a bit more, and following another link to an adjacent Twitch channel with the same name, it dawned on him; This guy was a pro.

“GON: WOW :^O you are really good at this!!!!”

For a while, Gon thought that’s it. He browsed through a couple more of this kid’s videos. He was usually just referred to as ‘Kil’ or in rare instances ‘Killu’, and there wasn’t much on him as a person, just a short bio: “Kil, 14, him/his, Yorkshire area. SM64 0 Star contender.”. His streams of attempting to break the World record for any given game got a reasonable amount of viewers, with a steady fanbase that would spam inside jokes and cat emojis in chat. And in no single video did he ever show his face, or even speak. The only real communication he seemed to do with his audience was the occasional answer in chat, or text-overlays in his YouTube videos. Gon thought about how he was a little honoured to have another well known streamer actually give him advice and watch his stuff, though obviously it seemed that Kil wasn’t interested in keeping more in conta-

Bloop.

“Kil: Thanks uh, if you’d want to, we could like make a deal?”

“GON: What kind of deal? :^O”

“Kil: I could show you some tricks for casual speedrunning”

“Kil: And maybe if you want to you could show me how to get better at fortnite lol”

Gon was beaming. He wasn’t sure why, but he was grinning from ear to ear, and it didn’t even register to himself that he was already typing up a response until he hit the enter button.

“GON: Sure!!!!!! :^D!!!! Have you ever played before? We can team up with a friend of mine for the first couple rounds!”

Killua was never a child with many friends. Or any friends. Growing up sheltered by his family, with the mindset of one day inheriting a multimillion-dollar company, it was taught to him that acquaintances were convenient, friends were distractions.

When he got pulled out of school and put into home-schooling, it was because his friends at school were distractions.

When he snuck out to play with other kids in the country, he was placed on supervised house arrest, because he had been too distracted.

When he noticed his brother appearing in some weirdos YouTube video, he had to be told “That man is not my friend, he is a work associate.”

And like a drop of water can gradually tear through stone, the constant echoing of this rule tore through Killuas head. He still didn’t want to overtake the family legacy, but he knew better than to endanger others with his efforts of finding friendship. Instead, he decided to find solitary distractions, and found those in video games he first borrowed (or rather, took without being noticed) from his older brother. Gradually, he got more and more invested in video games, how they work, and the cultures surrounding them. That is how he found out about Speedrunning and streaming. Speedrunning was fascinating to the young boy. The effort to clear a game as fast as possible, faster than anyone else, past all supposed limitations a game would present casual players with. Specific tricks would look messy and incoherent to untrained eyes, but the hidden inputs were mechanical and exact. This is a distraction worth investing in.

At first, he didn’t care much about streaming or even recording his attempts. However, as he was slowly approaching Regional and World Records, there was hardly a way around it if he wanted to get verified records published. So, he started a Twitch Account, opting to go for his shortened name “Kil”, a half-assed attempt at keeping his family off of his tail. And as his collection of Top-3 Records grew, so did his audience when he was streaming attempts. When he got used enough to a game, he learned how to read chat while playing, even occasionally taking the time to answer questions, followed by a wave of excited cat emotes.

These are not friends, they are fans.

If he could continue to justify this, keep these people at a distance from him, it would be fine. Minimal interaction. No attachment. Easy enough.

It should have been easy enough.

But when he went through active play sessions of Super Mario 64 on Twitch, and he chose to tune into the first stream that popped up, it stopped being easy. It stopped being easy when he found himself laughing along with the cheery voice of the young streamer.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he sent that first discord message. A small part of him hoped that this Gon kid wouldn’t reply. That way he could have just written him off as some vain lowtier streamer who isn’t worth Killuas time.

But of course he replied. And of course he would reply so kindly despite being contacted by a random stranger. Killua could feel something pull in his chest writing back and forth with Gon. This was just friendly- no. This was normal banter between two streamers who were exchanging helpful information. Two young, up-and-coming professionals in video game streaming, who can communicate like professionals.

Like work associates.

Work associates help each other out. They make deals. So, it would be okay if Killua would make a deal with Gon. Maybe get to know him in the progress, just a little, just enough to get a sense of his personality.

The pull in Killuas chest subsided when Gon agreed to his deal. But it would come back the first time they were on a call together, the first time Killua let someone else online hear his voice, hushed through a shitty in-ear cable headset, careful that he wouldn’t draw attention if someone were to walk past his room. And it subsided again when he heard Gon laugh at every bad joke he’d tell, loosened even more when he let himself laugh with him. Gon would try his best to follow any instructions he’d been given to learn speedrun strategies, and in turn Killua would let himself be guided through fortnite battles and aim-lessons. They worked well together, as if they had known each other for years, falling into a natural rhythm of jokes and casual conversation. This rhythm would continue for weeks, always coordinating when to call, taking turns with the games they would play.

Slowly, they started branching out to more games to play with each other. Slowly, Gon introduced Killua to his friends. Slowly, Killua got used to speaking on stream, just so Gon and he could guest-star on each other’s streams.

Through this gradual process, Killua felt like he was trapped in a pot of water, and the heat was being turned up just slow enough that he wouldn’t notice until its too late. Until the pull in his chest would threaten to tear him apart.

And then it did, as his mother raised her voice at the breakfast table, “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time on your Computer, Killua.”

“So is Milluki.” He tried to keep his voice unwavering, desperately trying to keep all of these gathered secrets behind it.

“We are just concerned of what you are doing on there; The internet has a lot of dangerous sides..” Kikyo Zoldyck was awfully good at turning her voice into a wail at any given time. Killua could feel his phone in his pocket vibrate from what he was sure was a message from Gon.

“..Maybe we should put some restriction on your use of it. Before it can start distracting you.”

#hisoillu #killugon #Hunter X Hunter #fanfiction #hxh fanfic

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