#then there's this...glorification of therapy as well??

[druddigoon]

working at the other end of healthcare, i've come to notice that while queers do not comprise the majority of rude people, a majority of the queers i've interacted with in a healthcare setting have been rude/callous/dismissive with me and other providers. then, in queer circles, i constantly hear stories about doctors not taking them seriously, and how they've lost trust in doctors and are now looking for alternative treatments.

i just. i get the distrust, i get that the current healthcare system is fucked, but having that distrust in healthcare turn into an avoidance of it is a very, very dangerous road to go down and i cannot believe that's a minority opinion here.

[threepandas]

Counting Down: 3 [<-Prev][]

My eyes were getting worse. There was nothing the healers could really do. Because, ultimately? There was nothing actually wrong, with my eyes. They were working exactly as nature intended. Exactly as my genetics designed. It was just... badly designed. Poorly suited, unfortunate perhaps, ill optimized in every way, for my environment.

If I had been living alone? Or in a sparsely populated, low growth environment? Subterraneanly? Well, THEN my eyes would have been perfect. Perhaps a bit on the over sensitive side, but otherwise perfect. I would have been a Sage. Elevated to Pathfinder, for my ability to safely lead my tribe through the dark.

But here? On Coruscant? Amongst the constant flow of billions? It is AGONY. A disability of the worst sort. Like two ice picks, slamming light and information into my brain. At the rate I am developing...

At... At the rate I am developing?

I may eventually be as good as BLIND. Be forced to wear a glorifed blindfold. And... and when THAT, inevitably fails? As it WILL fail? There have been... been somber, serious, terrifying talks? On if I wish to first try removing myself to a remote Temple for seclusion (and risk the lack of medical care that comes with it.) or if? O-or if?

Medically, it would be better to just... replace my eyes.

T-They can't even guarantee? That it would work. There are species that see through the Force. My problem may BE that I am somehow one of them and simply not physically built for it. That I developed the needed mutation. I... I could lose my eyes for NOTHING.

Yet...?

The headaches. The LIGHT. I can not take missions anymore. Can not even help in the Crèches. Their unfiltered, unshielded Force presences? Are like staring into search lights. I can not even help with Initiate classes, having grown too fucking sensitive! How will I EVER find a Padawan?!

I... I wanted one. Someone to guide and teach. Someone to watch grow.

Maybe that grief, (that I might never have one, that I KNOW he can do better,) is what makes me so short with Qui-gon. Obi-Wan is a youngling, damn it! Not a crutch for you mental health! Something which? Of course leads me to chasing Yan's Padawan down. REPEATEDLY. (Stop running! Boy! I KNOW YOU CAN SEE ME, QUI-GON! You better STOP RUNNING!! Listen to your Aunty while she SCOLDS YOU!) Because SOMEONE needs to beat that into the stubborn, heart sick, fool's head!

Why not me? I'm stuck on medical leave! Possibly FOREVER.

(Have a treat, Obi-Wan. You're too skinny.)

It's not productive. I KNOW it's not productive. The harder I push, the more Qui-gon digs his heels in. Yan's old Padawan was many things, but weak willed? Even in the depth of his grief? Hardly one of them. The whole LINEAGE was stubbornness made manifest. Literal STONES we more agreeable and subject to change.

I just wished Padawan Kenobi wasn't the one paying for it.

So, I helped. Without judgment. No harrasing him about his weight or his injuries, no demands he explain this or that. Just... there, if he's ready. If he trusts me. Bacta and pain relief, a safe place to sleep, someone to guide a peaceful meditation. And of course, Food. Ration bars by the basket. Take and hoard as many as you need. Here, both rich and mild foods to choose from.

Hugs and safety, I could do that. Be that. Put my emotions aside, for the sake of a child. Did his mere presence hurt? Yes. A LOT. But I would sooner die then let him know that. Bright and beautiful as his soul was, young and growing as he is? There is no pain, that is merely the confusion of crude matter. I am FINE. This... is FINE.

(Dispite the drugs, the meditation, it still HURTS.)

Neither Yan or Sifo like it. In fact, Yan is? Both in turns, heart sick and furious. His old Padawan entirely too good at dodging him. Dispite Yan being on the HIGH COUNCIL. Dispite BOTH Yan and Sifo, being on the High Council. It's genuinely impressive. Alarming, yes, that he uses such skill to avoid any attempts at therapy... but, well....

I've SEEN what the Mind Healers here consider a job "well done", with Sifo. Their definition of "help". So... granted, I understand completely. But he could just as easily take his Padawan on a "healing retreat"! Sneak away to get ACTUAL help from one of the other Sects! Illum perhaps? The Whills?

He KNOWS I'm right. It's why he's avoiding me.

(The little SHIT.)

Breathing in filtered, earth rich air, I tried to breathe out my stress. The Thousand Gardens do not just extend upwards. They went down as well. And they will continue to go upwards if ever another Temple is built upon the current one. Just like the last gardens, in which I sit, the light requiring plants that can be moved will be brought upwards. Those that can't? Get solar lamp systems.

Tiny biodomes, here in the dark. We do not kill our ancient trees, after all. Our plant and gardens. They are precious heirlooms. Living, breathing, friends. And besides? In the places they abandon, for the light up above? NEW gardens can be made! Subterranean ones. Glowing lichen and mushrooms, cave shrubs and parasitic low light trees.

It is peaceful, down here. Glowing plant life and distant lamps, like so many stars in the dark. The sound of running water and quite murmurs of the few who prefer such low light meditations. There are more then a few knights napping, having found gardens that speak to them. Their various light sensitive visual organs, finally having found relief.

Somewhere above me, Sifo is pacing. Erratic. Another vision of death and despair, of clones marching upon us all. It is getting to him. Like the slow eroding of a cliff face. Death by a thousand cuts. Over and over and OVER. Despair. Won't you do something? DESPAIR. Don't you CARE? DESPAIR. I can offer the power to FIX things. Don't you want it? Don't you WANT it~??

The Dark Side is a cruel and insidious thing. A riptide. An undertow, which drags you out to sea, then drowns you. It offers sweetness, safety, freedom. Only to deliver oblivion and pain. Power without control, it corrodes you. Destroys all that you were. Giving voice to your worst impulses, silencing your better nature.

You become a mockery of yourself.

I... I am scared for him. For Yan. I can see the outline of their ends, beginning to line up before them. They are pulling away. Growing frustrated. Their discussions with me are growing less philosophical difference with the Order, and more... dangerously immoral. Heretical. Nothing actionable, of course, but... I wouldn't expect their to be.

Both are High Councilors. They, of all people, know how to toe the line.

What do I DO? I ask the Force. Meditation after meditation, seeking guidance. How can I help them? And yet... I get no reply. No insight. Only nudges towards Obi-Wan. Towards teaching and compassion. Slipping him lessons on how to help slaves cope with the trauma. Philosophical debates on the doctrine of attachments. And, of course? Showing him my completely personal project, that HE will in no way someday need, of creating lesson plans for my hypothetical future Padawn.

How VERY thoughtful of him! To help me get some of those data pads! To help me research and revise my plans. He'll make a great mentor one day~ Amused? Me? No, no, dear. I was just thinking of a funny joke. Have ever given thought to Form Three?

Also! Never trust the Senate intelligence, dear. They are full of shit and couldn't spot a slaver if the sale was happening right in front of them. Do your own research whenever possible and NEVER rush in. NEVER.

(Yan refused to rush the assignment. Was in the Process of contacting the Armorer of Little Keldab for information. A Team was sent behind his back. On the word of the Senate alone. They almost completely DIED and the rightful Ruler of the Mandalorian people? Enslaved. Force knows where. Are you HAPPY now? Was rushing WORTH it? Your "regrets" mean NOTHING to the dead.)

It's building. I can feel it. The darkness is growing, my friends drifting farther and farther from the light. All, while? I am stuck. Disabled by my eyes. By the pain my so call "blessing" gives me.

Giving up on another useless meditation, I rise. Head for the lifts. The hallways down here are... quite. The old temple towers a peace place. Filled with the ancient echos of long dead Masters. There are room down here. Apartments. They are unassigned, yes, but no one truely cares if they are used. Granted, I would have to dust them myself.

I consider it. The light, (or really, the lack there off) is much more comfortable down here. The quite, less stressful. If Sifo didn't have such traumatic associations with darkness? I would honestly suggest moving down here with me. It might do us both some good.

As the lift rises, I tap the side of my lenses. Momentarily blinding myself in preparation for the increasing light. Soon enough, vision returns. The cacophonous press of noise. Oh dear, it's mid-meal. I should have waited. No wonder it's so loud and bright. Gritting my teeth, I keep my expression calm and pleasant. My shoulders relaxed.

It is not the younglings fault, that it hurts to be near them. They should NOT have to carry that guilt nor knowledge. I walk calmly but swiftly. This is fine. This Is Fine. Ow, ow, ow, OW, OW! This Is Fine!

Relief. I get passed them. The healers are right. Damn it. It really IS not just my eyes that are growing more sensitive. I... I so badly wanted them to be wrong. But as days go by? As weeks pass? Everything has slowly gotten... gotten so LOUD. Sharp and shrill, grating and rumbling, barks and squeals. Just? Just ALL of it. Too much.

Loud.

At the rate i'm going? I'm going to end up in a Force damned helmet like some sort of Mandalorian! And... and yes, I know there is no shame in that. That each race has their own specific needs. That it is humanist to think certain traits are somehow BETTER then others. I just... just feel like I am slowly losing myself. My freedom.

I am scared.

My body feels like it's betraying me.

Somewhere, near the High Council's chambers, I can feel Yan seething. How long has it been? Since the three of us coexisted in simple peace? Before Sifo's accident? Their appointments to the Council? Or was it as recent as Xanatos and the disaster of his Fall? How... How long have I been a pillar? For the mental and spiritual strength of others?

It's grinding me to dust. I'm so tired. Just... just want to rest. For just a moment. Without the fear, that my moments weakness? Will condemn a good man. Will irreversibly harm, a growing child. I.. Force, I am so tired.

Sifo is waiting for me, in my apartments. My plan for a moments rest? A fleeting, impossible, dream. He is pacing, pacing, pacing. Lines of tension and darting eyes. Hands clenching and unclenching. Running through his already ruined hairdo, again and again. It was easy to see what someone might think him mad. He certainly looked it.

"I saw them again. Bastards! I don't-! What am I doing wrong?!" He gasped the second he laid eyes on me. Already ranting before the door even closed. "I vow not to step foot on Kamino? They still appear. Avoid Mandalorians? Still! They exsist! But, oh! What if I plan Temple defenses? Surely THEN, right?! No! They somehow get passed them! Is it me? Am I the problem!?"

"TELL ME!"

He spun, eyes wide and manic, arms spread. As though inviting a blow. Inviting his own destruction. Hair falling from his careful hairdo in mad whisps, clothes disheveled, hands faintly trembling... he did not look well. Looked near tears. Teetering on the edge of something ugly.

How long could he hold out? I wondered.

I didn't have a comforting answer for him. No sweet and gentle words. But I could offer a hug. A hand to hold, as he faced down the dark. Sometimes... sometimes there WAS no right answer, Sifo. Sometimes the pieces were all on the board yet. Or the very act of try to stop Fate, made it so. I don't know. Can't know. Neither of us can.

But I can be there WITH you, until the end. And we can do our best.

Have you eaten yet? Had any tea? When was the last time you slept? Terrible things do not become easier to bear, if you burn yourself up, trying to face them. You have to take care of yourself too. I stepped forward, into that desperate stance, and pulled him into my arms.

"You believe me. You BELIEVE me. It's just inevitabe, too you, isnt it? That's what your trying not to say, isn't it? That you've run out of options. " Sifo's arms wrapped around me in a desperate grip. Like a drowning man holding onto the only life raft at sea.

"You're just afraid. Don't want me to break myself, destroy myself, chasing something that can't happen. Because we're Jedi, and you know we have to try. Try and try and TRY! Until it destroys us. Destroys everything. Hoping against all hope that they'll just... just LISTEN! But they WON'T, will they? They won't listen. It's inevitable. A cleansing. Purging of the old, to give rise to something new. The will of the Force itself."

Cleansing? Purging?! Alarm bells started to ring in my head. Nothing good came of talks of "cleansings" or "purgings" of ANYTHING.. NOTHING. I opened my mouth to refute him. Never got the chance. Yan's Force presence slammed into ours. The equivalent of crashing open doors and stomping feet.

Startled and alarmed, I turned just in time to see him sweep into my apartment like a raging, high society, storm cloud. The expression on his face could peel paint.

"Apparently," he snarled, barely holding together. "my Grand-Padawan has SUPPOSEDLY left the Order! Despite showing no prior interest in doing so, sending no missives to friends or fellow Creche-mates, and? Of course? Let us not forget? SUPPOSEDLY doing so? For some TART in the midst of an ACTIVE WARZONE!"

Horrified, I felt the blood drain from my face. No. NO! I thought I had more TIME! Please! Dear FORCE! Tell me, Qui-gon did not LEAVE his Padawan on-!

"Oh yes! CLEARLY, this is but a childish desire to wet his-!" Yan visibly struggled to beat back the surge of incoherent WRATH and fear. The disappointment. They HORROR at a child, in such unimaginable danger. "The Council won't even HEAR that there could be anything amiss! Won't even CHECK. A supposed WASTE of RESOURCES, when already we are stretched too thin! A CHILD, potentially ABANDONED in a WARZONE! And they-!? THEY-!?"

My mind races as I pull away from Sifo's grip to face Yan. The Order won't authorize use of their ships to go check. But... But? Are we not Jedi? We serve the Force. Our mission is to PROTECT. Minimize suffering, bring Light to the universe. Take a sabbatical! NOW! In fact? We ALL will. It will be GOOD for me, to be away from Coruscant's crowded population.

Call your Family, Yan. We need a Serranian Ship. Ask if we can borrow the Senator's, since it's on planet. We aren't slaves. They can't stop us, if we simple decide to GO. Punish us? Perhaps. But not STOP us.

An almost roguish grin settles poorly, under the near manic glint in Yan's eyes. Too expressive. Too unhinged. He has never been anything but composed, he values it too highly. Sifo's answering grin is just as manic. Just as... slightly wrong. Too much. Fitting both too practiced and ill fitting on their faces.

Like they are feeding off each others madness... some part of me hisses in concern. A feedback loop, we aren't strong enough to stop.

I try to ignore it. Focus on the now. There is a child in danger. It's... it's fine. Probably. All I have to do, is keep them away from the Sith! They... they won't Fall. They WON'T.

R-Right?

Yet... watching them plan our trip? Calling in favors and gleefully plotting. Casually threatening. Feeding of each others energy, as they do. I... I am not so certain. Once again, that moment of dissonance strikes true. Like looking around and realizing I am an actor on the stage of a Tragedy, ready line after line, as we march onward to the inevitable End.

Attachments are going to condemn you. Seems to whisper the Force. Like chains that choke and squeeze.

I know, I whisper back. But I am foolish and still want to save them.

Please let me try.

Please.

Let me TRY.

[monpetitangell]

♡ BEST ËD MOVIE RECS ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

- Thinspiration ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4.5 Stars

Summary: A 17-year-old dancer joins a "thinspiration" website and devotes herself to the almost religious glorification of "thin", until she becomes completely possessed by the dark world of anorexia.

♡ This is one of the first 3D movies I watched and it remains a fav. it reminds me so much of engaging with edblr and the sense of community you find here.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Feed (2017) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 stars

Summary: 18-year-old twins born into a world of privilege and high expectations. There are almost no boundaries between them and even their dreams are connected.

♡ This movie shows what the voice in your head can sound like when you suffer from an 3D, first alluring and rewarding and then damaging. (my fav movie as of right now)

Where to watch: Tubi

- When Friendship Kills ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 stars

Summary: Two girls’ obsession with their looks goes beyond mere vanity causing them to begin pürging in secret. It sends both of them plunging headlong into danger.

♡ Something about having an 3D secret with a friend and doing it together appeals to me so this movie has been on my repeats for weeks now!

Where to watch: YouTube

- Sharing the Secret ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4.5 stars

Summary: A young girls life spirals out of control as she struggles to cope with the pressures of teenage life. Based on a true story.

♡ You can tell this is based on a true story just off of a few scenes. It’s such a visceral emotion and the discussions characters have echo what many experience with this disorder.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Kate’s Secret ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 Stars

Summary: While seeming to have a perfect life, a housewife with mia keeps her 3D hidden from her family until it almost destroys her.

♡ I cannot even begin to explain how much I love this movie. I think it can feel super alienating being an 18+ individual and having all of this media be about teenagers but this one breaks the mold.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Dying to Dance ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 Stars

Summary: A ballerina’s aña affects her dancing, threatens her health and causes a dangerous accident.

♡ I love any movie with aña and ballerinas. While I’ve only seen this one once, it’s one I definitely want to watch again.

Where to watch: YouTube

- Thin ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 Stars

Summary: This documentary follows four young women dealing with aña and mia at a strict treatment facility in Florida where they temporarily live. They range in age, have group therapy sessions, weigh ins and meals. They discuss the emotional and psychological issues tied to their body image issues

♡ This one is pretty well known and is again one of my absolute favorites. I love that it touches on a variety of ages, that it’s real and shows the nitty gritty of this disease.

Where to watch: Hulu

- To the Bone ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3.5 Stars

Summary: Ellen is an unruly 20-year-old aña girl who has spent the better part of her teenage years being shepherded through various recovery programs, only to find herself several ibs lighter every time.

♡ This movie isn’t my absolute fav but I will say I watch it often because it inspires me.

Where to watch: Netflix

[ If you have any suggestions of your favorite movies/documentaries, please feel free to let me know. This list is a WIP ♡ ]

[roboticutie]

A lot of people are hesitant to acknowledge that feeling horny for women as a woman is not bad, for a large variety of reasons. I think one of the most hard aspects to think about is when it leads to the question, "What was wrong with men being attracted to women, then? If it's not the act of being attracted to a woman at all?"

A lot of older people are far beyond this question, they already get it. This was tango'd with before the 90s but like a lot of feminism which acknowledged intersectional complexities, this got lost in the glorification of #girlpower shallow feminism that blew up around 90s/00s when corporations got their hands on it to market to children in a way that further encouraged the gender divide rather than conquer it.

Simple answer: it's the consent of it all.

There is nothing inherently predatory about sexual attraction towards anybody. Getting riled up over a lady isn't a problem. It's about whether or not you actively make the lady uncomfortable and/or unsafe. Thought crime isn't real. Man or woman or both or neither or more, if you jerk off to any woman in the world, it's fine. That's not an assault and it's not a crime.

The idea that anyone can do this is upsetting to some people. If that idea upsets you, you'll only really find relief in knowing that's not an assault you're dealing with, that's an intrusive thought that you cannot really defeat by making demands of what others can and cannot think about or do privately without you. You gotta work that out in therapy. As long as you're not actively physically or mentally being involved in anything and it's just kinda a version of you in their heads that is not really you no matter how similar it may be to what you would do, that's not anything being done to you. It's an imaginary friend of theirs with an uncanny resemblance, but it isn't you. Moving on.

Two basic rules to follow so you don't cross that line into it being inappropriate:

1) If she's not your partner, don't tell her about it. It's not some dirty secret or anything. It's just that you wouldn't really be flattered if someone you don't know well, or aren't in that sort of relationship with, told you that they were getting off to you. That's mentally involving someone who hasn't given any sort of prior consent to this. And don't ask if you can, either. That's still mentally involving her. Just don't bring it up so she doesn't have to carry any responsibility for your sexual attraction when there is no relationship or indication that it's something she would want. Your sexual attraction is yours, not hers.

2) This might be obvious following the last point but Don't Do It Where She Can See You. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are fine kinks on their own within a 100% consensual setting but again: No prior relationship to indicate she would want to do that? No discussion of a scene and boundaries around that activity? Even if you're not making her fuck you, if she sees you, you have physically involved her non-consensually. That's harassment at best, assault at worse depending on the scenario. Don't fucking do that. This also counts for shit like watching her or recording her for later. That's physically involving her without consent. Don't fucking do that.

Fantasies are one thing, bringing it into the real world has consequences. Keep that line in mind.

But the attraction itself has never been the problem. Feelings are not bad. It's the actions, including speaking, which can cause the issues. And it can be really, really hard for people to uncouple the feelings and actions behind a past traumatic assault but it is the truth. The attraction was never the problem.

Men being creeps to women doesn't mean attraction to women was ever the problem. It's an invalid excuse to claim they couldn't help themselves. Feelings =/= actions. Men and women can feel attraction and harm no one in doing so. Sapphic folks, you're fine.

And PS. Having sex with a woman consensually is never a problem. Being a woman and actively wanting to have sex is never a problem. Stay safe and have fun, by yourself and with company.

[jerome-saint]

Narcissistic mothers can create complex and damaging dynamics within their families, particularly with their children. One of the most striking manifestations is the favoritism and glorification of one child over others, often leading to the destruction of sibling relationships and the emotional well-being of the children involved.

The golden child, typically the favored one, is showered with excessive praise, attention, and privileges by the narcissistic mother. This can create a sense of entitlement, superiority, and a lack of empathy in the golden child. They may grow up believing they are inherently superior to their siblings, leading to strained relationships and emotional distance within the family.

On the flip side, the scapegoat child is often unfairly blamed, criticized, and marginalized by the narcissistic mother. They are made to feel inadequate, unloved, and constantly compared unfavorably to the golden child. This can result in low self-esteem, depression, and resentment towards both the mother and the favored sibling.

The dynamics between the golden child and the scapegoat can be toxic and destructive. The golden child may adopt the narcissistic traits of the mother, perpetuating a cycle of manipulation, control, and emotional abuse. Meanwhile, the scapegoat may struggle with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and a sense of never being good enough.

Other siblings in the family may also be affected, either becoming enablers of the narcissistic behavior or distancing themselves from the family altogether to escape the dysfunction. This can lead to fractured relationships, lifelong emotional scars, and difficulties forming healthy connections in adulthood.

It's important to recognize and address these dynamics early on through therapy, open communication, and setting boundaries with the narcissistic mother. Healing and rebuilding relationships within the family can be a long and challenging journey, but it is possible with dedication, support, and a commitment to breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

[anomura]

it sucks but i cant even pretend to like a solangelo friendship. and i was even kind of open to them at the end of boo (i wrote solangelo fanfiction on wattpad in 2014 can you believe it) so its funny to me when people say he gets better in toa, because that was what SOLIDIFIED my dislike hatred of him. i think if solangelo was going to be done in a tactful way he’d need a complete rewrite, starting with the fact he’s a healer and so on. its just so hard to look past the weird obsessive + fetishy glorification the fandom has bestowed upon him :/

ahhhh i'm honestly the same!! i feel like even if they were to be friends, their relationship started in a weird way :/ like i cannot get past him invalidating nico and being fucking rude??? i know people make mistakes and he's not the only one who hasn't been the nicest to nico but it just makes my blood boil every time i remember it, so that would Definitely need to change if they were to be friends and ofc boyfriends lol also the whole nico being ooc at the end of boo bothers me So Much i genuinely don't believe the nico we knew up until that point would ever stand for will being a pushy asshole??? like. hello???? anyway.

i can't speak a lot about their relationship or will in toa bc i haven't read it but i've heard people saying he's a pain in the ass LMAO it's so sad bc he really wasn't a bad character before riordan decided to pair him with nico :/ and yeah the whole healer thing irks me too. i already hated canon solangelo bc of how out of Nowhere and forced it was but oh my god the fandom made it so much worse i can barely stand the shippers rip i know not everyone is awful, i have a few friends who ship them and are great but overall i try to keep my distance and forget that the relationship is canon bc i fucking hate it so much.

it was so so so poorly done and what makes me even madder is people arguing that it's representation and that nico deserves to be happy like Yeah. ofc he fucking does and that's exactly why i hate solangelo? he deserves BETTER than a forced weird relationship ??? if you care about him so much, if you care about lgbtq+ representation so much, shouldn't you want him to be in a well developed, not forced, good relationship? are we supposed to just accept it because "it's a gay couple!! and at least he's not alone!!!"?? literally fuck off lmao first things first he deserves friends, a good support network and therapy. a boyfriend won't solve his problems. rick literally got rid of everyone who cared about him other than hazel and now he basically just has will ?? how is that healthy ????

if i'm being honest i can't even see solangelo lasting like nico would stay with him for 2 years tops and then he'd realize will is annoying and he can do better and dump him LOL that's what happens in my head at least .

anyway sorry for the long ass rant i'm just always mad abt solangelo and down to talk shit about it<3

[inevitably-johnlocked]

can we adress how toxic some of these self/harm and suicide fics are?? as someone who has struggled with these issues, treating them as just a way for the two characters to get together, or one character to be the savior who cures someone of their problems? I'm so frickin over it. continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention is a symptom of something major. This is not something i like seeing romanticized. at all.

[CONTENT WARNING FOR ENTIRE POST: heavy discussions of trauma, suicide, self harm, depression, political issue mentions, and eating disorders. Please proceed with care. I am not cutting the post because I think the message is important, so scroll past until my icon disappears <3 Stay safe, My Lovelies.]

Hey Nonny

Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you mention you DO have struggles with these issues, so I’m going to state right up front here and say I AM NOT DISREGARDING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AT ALL. Your view of this topic is valid, and it’s not something I am ever going to say is wrong for you. 

I would like to offer an olive branch, here, Nonny, and give you an alternative take on this, because I’m concerned that perhaps you are still coping with your own struggles and in return, you unwittingly and unintentionally are coming off as unsympathetic to other people’s coping mechanisms.

I KNOW how hard it is to see another view when yours is the only one that seems right, especially after a tragedy or after dealing with heavy things. But all I am asking is for you to temporarily extend some empathy as I discuss my thoughts in this post, and I apologize in advance if I come off as dickish, because, again, it’s hard to see past your own feelings, and I tend to give a “firm but understanding” approach to asks like this. It’s NOT meant to call you our personally. Just asking for an open mind.

I will tackle this ask in a similar fashion to this post here, which talks about shipping vs fetishization so CW for that, as well as like this post here, where we discuss pet peeves. My assumption here is that Nonny is unsure about what “romanticizing” actually entails, and how much this ask is basically Gatekeeping Fiction 101, a thing that’s been going on since the beginning of storytelling. The ask is perceived by me to be emotionally unaware of how unsympathetic it actually sounds, and in turn can unintentionally upset people who engage in these stories.

First thing’s first, Nonny, and I said it before, I GET IT. I understand what you’re going for here, why you feel it’s toxic, and why you think it shouldn’t exist. Here’s the thing, though: what you’re ACTUALLY calling for here is censorship and gatekeeping because YOU PERSONALLY take issue with something, want the fandom specially curated just for you, because it PERSONALLY OFFENDS YOU. And that, it itself, is what’s really toxic, here. Just because YOU are offended, does not mean that it’s not helpful to SOMEONE ELSE, and it’s selfish to make such a demand of people.

Let me explain.

As I mention in the link above re: shipping, many people read and write fics to cope with the reality of their own experiences. Nonny, your experience is NOT the same as someone else’s. Your pain is NOT universal, and you DON’T KNOW what that author has been through; for all you know, they spent 6 months in-hospital after attempting suicide, and they are now simply processing their trauma through storytelling. 

Or, “continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention” ? It’s a VERY REAL THING that ACTUALLY happens in real life, and perhaps it happened to that author, or they want to write an alternate ending to their pain.

Or, “one character to be the saviour who cures someone of their problems?” is something a suicide survivor WISHES someone did for them. Because they feel alone in the world and don’t want to be alone anymore.

These stories are simply escapism for people, either to learn about or share what these mental illnesses do to people, or are the “fantasies” of survivors, of their ideal outcome to their own tragedies. Coping with guilt over the loss of someone they feel they could have saved. The brutal truth about realty.

And sometimes, it is because some people need a good cry and a feel-good happy ending, because real life? Well, it rarely has those happy endings and so few opportunities to let us cry, and sometimes life is just easier when we view it through the eyes of fictional characters. Do you not want someone to save you sometimes Nonny? And I mean metaphorically here, too. Someone to just take all of your hellish burdens off those shoulders for one day. Someone who will come in to save you from yourself. I know I do.

And, well, sometimes, Nonny, it makes people feel less alone in this socially distanced world.

They’re not glorifying that issue Nonny. They’re telling their story.

Here are some thoughts:

Romanticization: Some trendy teen outlet selling a shirt with “mentally diseased” written across it.

NOT Romanticization: A character in a story coming to terms with a diagnosis of mental illness and learning ways to adapt. Their partner is involved 100% and they learn together.

Romanticization: Sherlock merchandise being sold with “I’m a high functioning sociopath” (not mention ableist as all heck)

NOT Romanticization: A character self-harms because of depression, and character B helps the character through their pain and together they get proper therapy and treatment.

Romanticization: Calling yourself “OMG I’m so bipolar!” because it’s trendy.

NOT Romanticization: A clinically depressed author, who survived a suicide attempt, wanting to tell their story through characters the world is already familiar with, and one that a touchy subject can be expressed and understood by other people, because they’re not ready to write the “real” book. Fandom is a safety net for them.

See what I mean Nonny? We don’t KNOW what kind of pain these authors have PERSONALLY been through, and to censor them from having their voices heard and their stories told is just not on for me.

And let me be clear: YES OF COURSE romanticization happens EVERYWHERE. I am not denying that. But your ask is coming off like EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN is glorification of something. By your logic:

Disabled people shouldn’t write about their disabilities because they’re romanticising themselves.

The authors with medical degrees shouldn’t write realistic med-fics because some where in the world, ONE person MAY HAVE had a similar experience as Character A and B.

Someone broke their foot in ballet so they shouldn’t write a story about a ballet dancer who broke their hip because it may offend ONE ballerina SOMEWHERE in space and time who got sideline at the prime of their career? 

Stories about LGBT+ people shouldn’t be written because homophobes think it’s icky.

We shouldn’t write about wizards because it offends high school catholic pastors (an actual thing that happened)? 

How about cancer stories because kids die of cancer all the time? 

Non-fiction autobiographies about holocaust survivors is not okay.

Science books offend flat earthers, so we shouldn’t write those.

Books about the Big Bang and a 4.5 billion-year-old earth offends creationists, so burn those.

A now-adult child rape victim writing their survival stories to help get their often-in-power abusers behind bars are taboo.

True crime stories from detectives on those cases shouldn’t be told because they weren’t the victim.

Non-fiction in general because someone somewhere may have had that one singular thing happen to them.

How about coping with grief over a parent’s sudden death because I personally might find offense in that since that was a horridly traumatic experience in my life?

Do you see how progressively out of touch this argument is? (the answer to all of these: authors should be allowed to write them, because stories make us human). Your argument leads down the very dangerous path to censorship of books, the internet, and history... to have people only read and learn what someone else dictates, leading to... well.

I’m not trying to be a dick here, Nonny, I’m really not. But I think you’re really missing the entire point of fiction and story telling. I feel you’re failing in the empathy game here, and failing to understand what romanticizing really actually is. 

Whenever I get asks like this, I always feel like the Nonnies don’t really know much about pre-Ao3. I come from “early internet” fandom age, and I’m talking before tags existed. Back when I had to go buy a book at Coles and guess what was in it based on a cover description. No “amazon reviews”. No “harmful content warning” stickers. You just picked up that book, and sometimes you get a sweet story about a friends exploring an alien landscape, and other times WHOOOPS ACCIDENTAL ALIEN SEX I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR. And sometimes, it ended with a dark story about death, and the reality of coping with it.

Twenty years ago, books on the shelves at bookstores and libraries were the only place you could do your reading and they certainly do NOT have tags on them... Modern tagging of stories are a REALLY recent thing introduced probably no less than 15 years ago and was perfected by Ao3 (which was started in 2009). 

These days, there is no excuse if you only consume fanfiction on Ao3. Fics are tagged with proper possible-trigger tags 90% of the time. They have a VERY METICULOUS filtering system. You aren’t being forced to read the fics, you don’t have to read the fics, so use those tag filters, they exist for a reason.

So, with that in mind, I genuinely DON’T GET this attitude about people wanting everything sugar coated and saccharine by default. Especially when you can LITERALLY CURATE YOUR OWN CONTENT. Life isn’t sugar coated. And fiction shouldn’t have to be either. People tag fics with triggers for a reason.

As they used to say back in my early internet days: Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Don’t comment, skip, next story.

And to put this ALL into perspective, so that you don’t think I’m talking out of my ass, I’m going to reveal something here: Do you know what fics I can’t read, Nonny, because they trigger me? Eating disorders. That’s self harm, Nonny, in a very different way. But you know what? I know that those fics DO help other ED people so I’m not going to sit her and tell people NOT to rec or write them. And some of those authors who write those stories are processing their own ED through those stories, healing in their own way. And you know what I do when I see one of those fics? I don’t read them, move on, next story.

I’m sorry if you perceive this as me being harsh with you here, Nonny, and you DON’T have to agree with me and you can block me and never talk to me again, and I’ll understand. As I stated at the beginning, I’m offering an alternative perspective, and helping you to see that some people take comfort in these types of stories.

I think what this all boils down to Nonny, after all of this, and rereading your question a final time to see if I missed covering anything, is that (and feel free to shit on me if I am wrong here) I’m getting the impression – as an unprofessional outsider looking in – that you’re still struggling with your inner demons, whether you realize it or not. The tone and brashness of your ask has me believing this... It feels like it was written after a trigger-moment and you needed to vent AT someone because you are alone, and that hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find peace in your mind, soon, and I hope you have someone to talk to professionally, or at least a friend. (tw under link, suicidal ideation discussion and links to phone numbers that can help you). I only wish the best for you, my Nonny.

Anyway. I welcome other people to chime in here, respectfully, and let me know if I have the wrong take here. Because I genuinely don’t think I do, but I am not a professional, so my entire thing that took me 3 hours to write here is probably moot. I’m especially interested (on anon in my asks if you’re not comfy with revealing yourselves) on thoughts from other people who have survived the original topics here, as well as any therapists and authors as well.

Take care of yourself Nonny. And please curate your own content for your mental health. Ao3 has an “exclusionary tag system” as well, please use it. *hugs*

[astralazuli]

If you get Covid, honestly, the best thing you can do is REST REST REST.

Even if you feel okay, prioritize rest.

Even if you're thinking, "oh I should be able to do this by now," rest instead of pushing yourself.

Even if your doctor says you should be able to do this by now & just need to work through the fatigue/dizziness/tachycardia/whathaveyou, ignore their uninformed opinion & rest.

There is a lot of overlap between long covid & ME/CFS (as mentioned in the article linked above). In fact, many cases of long covid are just ME/CFS with a fancy hat because you know where it came from (unlike very many pre-Covid ME/CFS patients).

& the best thing you can do early in ME/CFS is learn to pace & to rest before you think you need to.

Pacing means learning to live within your energy envelope rather than trying to escape it.

Think Spoon Theory. You've only got so many exertion Spoons each day & with pacing for ME/CFS, you always want to end up with at least one Spoon left at the end of the day. You never want zero or negative Spoons, because that's when PEM hits you like a ton of bricks & all your symptoms flare & you feel like actual death.

Worse yet, this can lead to permanent lowering of your energy baseline. Which, as it turns out, can get pretty dang low if you keep overexerting yourself. I am talking "can't get out of bed" low, "can't listen to music or have a conversation because you're too fatigued" low, "can barely breathe" low.

I don't say this to scare you or to convince you this is where long covid will always end up. But I do want folks who aren't ME/CFS informed to understand the stakes.

It's also important to understand that, most likely, your doctors don't know this. ME/CFS is chronically under researched & generally dismissed as a psychological problem or malingering because it doesn't yet have a definitive biological marker for diagnosis. (Jeeze, wonder if that has anything to do with the absolute dearth of funding for research, hm? Anyway.) This means a lot of doctors don't bother keeping up on what little research is getting done & still have very archaic opinions about it, including the idea that it is best treated by Graded Exercise Therapy (or GET) (basically incrementally increasing activity at a set pace, regardless of energy envelope) & CBT. Yep. A lot of doctors will think the best route is to just send you to psychotherapy to "learn to not be afraid of exertion."

There's a whole other post about why doctors think these things (I've literally written & deleted like three lengthy rants about the PACE Trial in an attempt to write this post & that's just the tip of the medical nonsense iceberg), but they do & we're stuck dealing with it, despite current research showing GET is contraindicated in ME/CFS & the CDC recommending pacing above all else in symptom management.

All this to say, please be gentle with your body when & after you have covid if you do end up getting it, & rest as much as possible & take re-entering life as slowly as you can. (I know that, especially in the US but also in many other countries, it is pretty much impossible to rest as much as you should in such situations due to the capitalistic hellscape we live in.)

& like. Be gentle with your brain as well. Having lowered capacity for exertion sucks, especially if you're used to being go go go. But take this time to reflect on how you're still a being with inherent value, no matter your productivity, just like everyone else, & unpack the ableism in the glorification of the grind, & give yourself grace in dealing with your feelings around these things. It'll be good for you & good for society at large.

(Also, while CBT does jack shit for ME/CFS, if you are struggling with decreased abilities/learning to relax & rest when needed, it might be worth looking into a chronic illness informed therapist. Chronic illness informed therapists are more likely to be helpful in a) not giving you shit medical advice & b) not (inadvertently or not) gaslighting you into thinking it's all psychological. I have tragically had waaaaaay too many psychotherapists in my time as a disabled person do both of those things & it really only hurt me in the immediate & the long run. Pretending you don't have a physical illness doesn't really help you not have that physical illness.)

The United States has always been a terrible place to be sick and disabled. Ableism is baked into our myths of bootstrapping and self-reliance, in which health is virtue and illness is degeneracy. It is long past time for a bedrock shift, for all of us.

Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Diary of an Eating Disorder Recoverer

February 2nd 2022

Hi, I’m Star and I have an eating disorder.

I cannot speak to the severity of my eating disorder or the category since I only got formally diagnosed once years ago and that was actually before it was at its worst but regardless of whether I officially have one or not (or whether I look like someone who could have an eating disorder which, I must say, is a whole post in itself) I certainly suffer from very disordered eating habits that are extremely harmful and unfortunately extremely pervasive in media, especially that directed at women. Things that I personally struggle greatly with is eating most groups of foods and often omit meals for days, living off of snacks and coffee for days, exercise to the point of collapse and as a result, my weight and appearance can fluctuate drastically. I’m trying really hard to change that and with that effort I thought I’d document it on my blog just in case anyone else may suffer from these same bad habits and harmful mentalities, whether formally diagnosed or not, no one should have to go through it without some help.

A warning that some posts may be graphic, and all will be tagged with #tw: ea.ting di.sorder as I want to be accessible as possible to people with vision impairments and so require audio description to access posts.

The tag for these diary posts will be #EDdiary

I will also occasionally post art related to eating disorders and my experience, again it may be triggering so I’ll put artwork in an under the cut and add a warning that it may be graphic and/or triggering for eating disorder sufferers or recoverers.

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor at all, I’m just documenting my experience in overcoming my problems as well as documenting my experience of having an eating disorder. This is not a glorification, or romanticisation, eating disorders are extremely harmful illnesses that are debilitating and can have a serious impact on your life in so many ways. Some of my posts will be lighthearted and comedic but not in any way to belittle the issue, merely to present my perception of it and how I cope, it is not something to be taken lightly. I strongly advise seeking medical help and there are many ways to do so, speaking to your doctor, going to self help groups (Insha’Allah I hope to find and make a masterpost on various ED recovery services) and trying out therapy. For those of you who cannot try those things just as I can’t, I hope I can help you, even if it’s just a little, even if it’s just in knowing you are not alone in your struggles.

[alwaysabeautifullife]

**This is a religious post in relation to marriage that is written primarily for Catholics and Christians but due to many religious structures is absolutely valid for other religions in which Marriage is often perverted by some nasty fetishized idea of “submission to husbands”. It may be triggering to people who have suffered abuse in relationships, or people who have been harmed by cultism.**

Some of y’all are so nasty completely forming your entire faith around your “submitting to your husband” fetish when you don’t even know what it means. You literally think God meant dressing like a 1950s housewife and making sandwiches and jello for your husband on demand, not having an opinion and obeying his command? God was specifically speaking about spiritual leadership. Which is why it also says “husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church,” because Christ died to get us to heaven. This means it’s a mans duty to get his wife and kids to heaven even if it kills him in the process, because let’s be real, it really is that difficult. Submission isn’t some weird sexual fetish or housewife (battered housewife) glorification. It’s a similar system to a priest leading his parish. We follow the priest during Mass, he serves the parish by offering confession and the sacraments, we follow his leadership in an act of submission. The priest doesn’t have us ordered about making him coffee and giving him foot rubs. It’s a basic system of religious leadership.

Religious leadership is a life of servitude and sacrifice, and it’s this leadership that men are called too. In fact, most of y’all have it backwards, as many husbands fail to be the spiritual leaders in the house hold which is why God gave this commandment, because he knows women aren’t about to wait around for a man to get his shit together. If a man isn’t gonna lead the family to heaven you know a woman takes up arms and does it herself, we all have those women in our lives. If you think marriage for a woman is weird ass sexual and domestic service for a man, please seek therapy. Marriage is about getting to heaven, you, your spouse, your kids, like all vocations. It’s really that simple. You ain’t gonna get there because you say “yes sir” to some creepy groomer who uses religion to dominate and emotionally/mentally/physically abuse women.

This is why priesthood is considered a “spiritual fatherhood”, it’s literally the same job y’all. It’s the same vocation. You spiritually lead people. You don’t get free foot massages and sandwiches and live in a recliner holding your remote while your wife/laity dotes in ur ass. You spend your life on your knees ensuring that your people, either the people in your house hold or the people in your parish, make it to the sacraments regularly.

I’m going to include some examples of religious leadership in a marriage because some of y’all are so dense:

1. A man regularly attending confession and mass

2. A man who prays for his family, encourages prayer together with his family

3. A man who is Christlike and gentle, and dies to self

4. A man who loves his wife and children more than his own pleasures and desires

5. A man who primarily leads only by example

Some examples of spiritual submission:

1. A woman who doesn’t have to be the only one who goes to confession, who doesn’t have to beg her husband to go to Mass, who doesn’t have to pray alone at night sobbing

Anyway ladies please stop forming your femininity around a mans sexual desires and desires for some weird “power” and “dominance” over women. This is spiritual abuse. Please stop promoting it I’m begging from the deepest parts of my heart and with my whole life.

There are good men out there who are up for this challenge, there are men who will and can absolutely die to ensure your well being, and they are not the same men who expect some sort of domestic slave. These men die to their own desires and pleasures to love their wives and children. These men are out there in your religious communities and see women as equals in all value (let’s be real, these men likely value women more than themselves) and lift up the women in their lives as their greatest treasures. They do not see them as slaves, they do not see them as domestic workers or child-rearers, they see women as the absolute grace and blessing of a mans life and they would die for them. These men would wash your feet, hun. They would wash them, even those who would betray them, then they would march out the next die and die for your wellbeing. This is the man you’re supposed to be looking for. How could you forget?

[hopskipaway]

Ahhh someone else that didn't love Murphy's ending!?!? I can't even look at gifsets of him in the mind space from the finale because the whole concept makes my skin crawl. Glorification of suicide on the 100? It's more likely than you might think. 🙃

(For the record, I even ship M and E so according to popular opinion I should be happy about their ending, but I'm just... disgusted... sorry for the salt dump 😂)

i was holding on until the end but that was what broke me, and what made me have to say “okay. season seven doesn’t exist, actually.” — terrible!! ranting under the cut again here because while i dislike it, i don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade!

clearly from my other answers, i definitely do not ship them, so it felt extra nightmare-ish. horrible for both characters: they (...briefly) brutally killed off the what— fifth? poc in a ROW that season, for genuinely no reason. THEN, they had the man who already had one other suicide attempt under his belt immediately say “oh well guess i give up!”.

not to mention my bone to pick with jackson (and miller too) - dude is a DOCTOR who looked at this otherwise healthy man and said “okay, fine... i will help you die” as if they didn’t have him preaching about the importance of therapy earlier on in the season. excuse me what? then in that awful awful mindspace scene they had emori be disgusted by the whole thing for like... a minute. they just went “oh is that music? let’s dance, have sex, then die!”

AND ANOTHER THING (sorry): remember how in the episode right before this one emori was sooo worried about echo? you know who could’ve still helped echo? MURPHY!!!!!! not to mention, in the finale, murphy is still worried deeply about madi and knows that raven just went into a dangerous situation alone. i know it’s meant to be he wasn’t thinking rationally, but could you imagine? monty, harper, bellamy, emori AND murphy all having to be mourned by echo and raven (if they survived).

my only saving grace is pretending that if the end didn’t happen as it did — aka the transcendence shit stuff, would the mindspace eventually break down and then emori would be able to erase her existence and let murphy live? à la josephine and clarke. honestly, even if that isn’t sound logic for the confusing lore of this show, i’m going to keep on believing that. if only for the sake of my sanity.

TLDR; (so sorry for the entire salt dump TRUCK i answered you with) that ending was so sickening. just to let you know... you are the second person i know who ships them but didn’t like the ending. i suppose i’m just a safe place to admit that, given my opinion on them as a couple? lol. awful ending to their season’s arc and in my humble opinion, a disservice to both of the characters as individuals.

i’ll leave you with me, you, and my other friends watching that:

[goldsrc-hl1]

Animation has only ever improved, character design is the most subjective you can get, and the suicide storyline was not bad. Ascension wasn't the answer, Ruby was enough.

I'm gonna assume you think the storyline glorified suicide, in which case, wrong. Lemme draw an irl comparison for you.

Someone in real life attempts suicide, but fails. They are rescued and brought to a hospital, where after receiving therapy, they end up a much healthier and happier person.

Is this glorifying suicide? It is suicide that got them therapy. Surely this would could as glorifying suicide.

No?

Well then why does Ruby attempting suicide, failing, going to the tree, receiving therapy, and ending up a healthier and happier person count as glorifying suicide?

I mean, that obviously can't be allowed. We can't glorify suicide. Guess we gotta stop providing people who attempt suicide with therapy, cause it's glorifying suicide.

I bet you, someone who claims to have attempted suicide, would really appreciate it if no therapy was provided to you. Matter of fact, you yourself may have accepted suicide glorification if you got therapy.

See how all this works? Unless you're gonna say that people attempting suicide and receiving therapy that makes them happier because of it is glorifying suicide, then RWBY never glorifies suicide. Ascension, the allegory for suicide, wasn't the answer. Ruby chooses herself, she rejects ascension.

Anyway, onto Hbomberguy...

I literally just presented you with proof. Look at the forums. Hbomberguy insults Monty back and forth, and then in his video gushes to an insane degree about Monty. He's lying about Monty in order to use him as a shield against criticism. That is utterly ghoulish.

Stop with the whataboutism. Nothing excuses what Hbomberguy did regarding Monty Oum.

It's no thinned skin at all to get pissed at someone using a dead guy's corpse as a means to criticize a cartoon and shield himself from criticism.

Try again.

Stop getting Hung up on one dude's opinion over RWBY.

I've seen so many people blame HBomber for everything that's happened to rwby to the point that it's honestly pathetic that the fndm or parts of it, are still hung up over it for a video that came out 3 years ago. You people actually think he's responsible for so much, when in fact RWBY's decline was happening WAY before he even made that video. You guys just love to play the victim card when someone doesn't like your show. You have done it to Moist before, and you've done it in the past. Grow up, and learn that not everyone likes your crappy cartoon show.

[rantingcrocodile]

I think that it’s all very well and good pointing out to TRAs that we’re forced to discuss the trans ideology that’s so rampant so often because of the erasure of women, our rights and the intense homophobia from the movement, amongst other things, but I also think it would be just as useful to be honest with ourselves, too.

Putting detransitioners aside for one moment, how many of us would raise our hands and admit that, if we didn’t have the critical thinking skills to question TRAs, or even if we were younger and exposed to what’s going on right now in the world, we would identify as trans or non-binary?

I know I would.

I know that I would, at the very least, be “non-binary.” 

I know the different traumas that have, through my life, made me want to escape my female body and pretend it was something else. I know the coping mechanisms to tell myself that I was “one of the guys,” not-so-subconsciously separating myself from the girls and women for self-protection. I know the bodily functions that terrified me and made me want to claw towards anything other than the female that was forced upon me through an accident of birth. I know the shame and fear of personal same-sex attraction - from a bisexual point of view - to the point of arguing with good, decent friends who tried to help me.

I can’t, in all good conscience, say that a younger version of myself in today’s world, with the propaganda surrounding us, with the glorification of self-hatred and self-harm, wouldn’t cave in to the pressure and convince herself that she would be “free” in using “non-binary” at the very least. I know that that me, that innocent, scared, lonely and self-hating girl, would look at that identity and even that promise of hormones and finally being happy and accepting herself, and want that, too.

And that? That terrifies me.

I care about women’s rights. I care about lesbian and gay rights. I care about internalised homophobia and biphobia. I care about all of the arguments that we have, the truths that are being downplayed. I’m passionate.

But... I’m more passionate about the young me.

How the young who were abused are like that young me.

How the young who were terrified of puberty are like that young me.

How the same-sex attracted young are at least similar to that young me.

How the young who don’t fit into the neat, gendered boxes and not sure who to be in safety are like that young me.

How the young who wanted something, anything to fit in at least somewhere are like that young me.

How the young with so many different issues, who just need some therapy, support, love and safety are like that young me.

If that young me had been around today, she would have taken steps to become Other, and the very real threat of transitioning would have been right in her path for the taking, and I don’t know if that young me could have resisted the arguments and allure that’s shown online, in the news, in the media, in her friend group, everywhere she turned.

The problem is that that young me grew up. The me today is still learning, still processing, still growing and won’t ever stop. 

I know that I’m a woman. I’m comfortable as a bisexual woman. I hate the misogyny and the biphobia and the hatred of other parts of my identity too, but I was born a female, I’m living as a woman, and then if I’m buried, the future will recognise me as female, too. 

Imagining that - knowing that - there’s a potential version of me too downtrodden and too traumatised to not be given the space to grow into who I am now, but to be traumatised even more by denying my female experience, that only shows just how many young people today will have fallen into the trap instead. How many of them are a young me, hiding behind a falsified label, or medicalised and scared into a new submission, taught to hate themselves even more?

I think admitting that we’re also afraid of what could have happened to us is as valid a reason to be against TRA rhetoric as any other, especially when we see the truth of patriarchy, especially when - as women - we know how damaging misogyny is.

If it could have happened to us, it’s happening to someone like us.

If you weren’t sure why you were so angry and upset by the current climate, it’s not “just” because you want women’s liberation and an end to homophobia and the rest. 

It’s heartbreak.

[librarycards]

hello! feel free to ignore, but do you have any thoughts on the body keeps the score? i was gonna look through your blog to see (not to be weird lol) but yeah i was just curious!

i actually haven’t read it, but i can tell you the reasons i’m so put off by it haha. i don’t like carte-blanche explanations of The Traumatized Brain™ or The Mad Brain™. Especially when there’s this...glorification of the all-knowing neuroscientist as "prover” of trauma’s deleterious impact on our bodyminds. judging by the excerpts i’ve seen, the info it’s communicating is generally accurate (and, of course, i agree that our bodyminds are möbius strips and not dualities) but am suspicious of the position from which the author is writing.

also, it still seems to reify the existence of “mental health problems” as an accurate descriptor for various trauma responses (and proposes mindfulness and talk therapy as solutions).....w/o addressing the structural transformations required to address the real problems, which are not actually located inside the individual trying to cope as best they can.

this is solely based on excerpts and passages, as well as my general knowledge; i haven’t read the book thoroughly. so take these thoughts w/ salt.

[variousqueerthings]

but honestly because his issues with masculinity are SO blown out and SO ridiculous it makes him easy to get into because he's a main character and we're supposed to want his redemption arc they give you ways in to his toxic trashfire that are sympathet *sympathetic 

which isn't something you normally get with characters that are meant to be full blown Testosterone Warriors with them the ways in are through others- dead wives dead girlfriends dead kids dead dogs but with johnny the ways you're allowed to see how much he actually cares and just does not have a way to engage emotionally with anything are through his own actions and i guess his own deaths- his life his future his dreams his ability to maintain any kind of relationship 

so i think that makes him not only far more sympathetic than the average toxic manchild but also SO engaging for The Queers (affectionate + self) and lets us project our own disjointed relationship with masculinity and the sometimes stunted ways we've connected with ourselves directly into the body of a 56-year-old dumbass who dissolves into defensive anger and tears if anyone gives him a hug 

@an-sceal oh your brain was on fire last night!

creators: make a surface-level relatable-to-the-Men heterosexual cis guy except he's got automatic deeper writing built into him, due to his existence in a previous set of movies and when you contrast that past with his present, along with trying to marry the soap operatic nature of the current writing with his portrayal in the 80s (and his tendency to act with tears in his eyes), you end up with a lot of odd loose ends and contrasts in his characterisation that don't get answered using the Stereotypical Dude Handbook (his natural sensitivity vs his Overt Masculine Performance, his alcoholism taken seriously vs not taken seriously, his relationship with his mother and other women in his life, his relationship with the other male lead, etc)

us: you made a queer man, is what you did. look at him, he's got unresolved traumatic issues with his own masculinity and anxiety

How'd we all end up obsessed with grade A trash man Johnny Lawrence

Now there's a question I've been asking myself every single day for over a year now. I'm afraid I don't have the answer, but what I can offer you is some fuel to the flaming dumpster fire in our hearts!

[tlbodine]

The Deconstructed Horror of FUNNY GAMES

So we watched Funny Games (1997) last week (my second time of watching it) and I’ve been thinking about it a lot on and off since. It is one of the only truly frightening films we’ve seen in what is not a century of horror movies.

Michael Haneke wrote and directed the film as a sort of scathing condemnation of violence in cinema -- not necessarily horror movies specifically, but the wider issue of violent films and people who consume them uncritically. His stated goal in making the film was not to create a horror movie but rather to make something “violent and pointless.” I’ve even heard some go so far as to say he wanted to make an “unwatchable” film. (If that was his goal, he fell a bit short, but perhaps he pushed as far as his personal sensibilities would allow). 

Unfortunately for Haneke, his attempts at making a senselessly violent movie to condemn a genre just so happened to be a very good example of that genre. 

Compare and contrast Funny Games with Scream, which came out the previous year. Both are deconstructions of horror films featuring a duo of male villains working together. But Scream is a movie made with the utmost love for the genre, a sort of tender fondness for even its weakest elements -- whereas Funny Games seems to almost aggressively hate both itself and its audience. 

The result is a film that is not especially fun to watch, but assuming that people watch movies just for fun seems to be part of the director’s problem. 

Funny Games is a home invasion movie. A family of three go to a nice summer home and are taken hostage by a pair of clean-cut young men who proceed to torture and kill them for no particular reason. Unlike Scream, which delights in following all of the horror rules, Funny Games systematically breaks a number of rules in regards to who wins and who loses, who survives and who dies, and what order everything happens in. 

This is not a “safe” film to watch. It gives the audience nowhere to hide from its bleakness. There is no soundtrack telling you how to feel, no stylized gore and artistic ultra-violence. The most horrific parts occur off-screen, leaving you instead with their messy and awful aftermath -- at one point lingering so horribly long on a single image that it feels like the entire film has simply stopped. 

These techniques, paired with the film’s apparent lack of high-gloss -- flat, documentary-style lighting, actors who look like average-looking people -- lend an uneasy realism to the film that makes its brutality much harder to brush off. Even the fourth-wall breaks do not really throw you out of the realism of the story so much as compound it in a frightening way. When the psychopathic murdering winks at the camera, you know he is making eye contact with you. You know he is seeing right into your living room. It’s skin-crawling horror at its finest. 

Where Haneke perhaps went wrong with his mission in making this film is in assuming that viewers are complicit perpetrators or consumers of violence -- that media violence is essentially voyeuristic wish-fulfillment. He doesn’t seem to fully recognize or embrace the other possibility: That the audience may themselves be a victim, not by virtue of sympathizing with the characters but by being directly victimized and traumatized themselves. 

If Haneke has truly missed this aspect of violence in horror, he’s not alone. Many people, it seems, don’t quite understand why people would choose to be willing victims of fictional traumas. Why people watch extreme horror movies or read disturbing crime narratives or visit hardcore haunted houses. Or, for that matter, why some women may have rape fantasies or even indulge in sexual fantasies that resemble or recreate elements of their own abuse. Moral hand-wringing over content consumption seems to me always to discount these experiences, this self-directed exposure therapy. 

At any rate. Funny Games is a frightening and possibly even devastating film. It holds up well with the most horrific aspects of Ari Aster’s work or Takashi Miike’s darker stories. It wants, perhaps, to compete with A Serbian Film or Salo and must of course fall short due to its restraint, but that’s certainly not a bad thing. So while I don’t necessarily agree with Haneke’s ideas regarding the glorification of violence and audience complicity, I do think that he’s made a very fine film.