#then there's barbie which also includes both new and old dolls

[midnightjewel]

BNHA Guys Reacting to Your Kids Cartoons and Movies (Part 2)

Kids shows and movies say some pretty out of pocket things that you usually won’t catch or find funny unless you’re an adult

Characters Included: Denki and Mirio

Part 1

Denki

You had finally gotten the twins to settle down after a long morning of constant fussing and arguing. Firstly, they didn’t want to eat their waffles and bananas for breakfast which was strange because that has always been their favorite breakfast. Then, they refused to play with each other but they both wanted to play with the same toys.

To put it lightly it had been an eventful Saturday morning. You couldn’t wait for Denki to get home from his breakfast with the guys. The Bakusquad normally goes out to eat once a month but you were not able to find someone to watch the twins this morning. They didn’t want to go through with the plans without you but you had insisted that they go without you. After much convincing, they gave in and agreed to go out to breakfast without you.

“Hina! Don’t hit your sister!” You jumped up from your spot on the couch that was settled in their playroom. You dashed to the scene and broke the girls up as best as you could.

“No ma’am we don’t hit!” You sternly spoke at the girl who just pouted and resided to look at you. It was her habit when she knew she was in trouble she would refuse eye contact.

“Rina, give back the doll” you turned to the other girl and she also pouted as she handed you the Barbie. “Girls if I put on Trolls will you both sit nicely and not fight?” You look between the two of them. “Yes mama!” They excitedly answered in unison and you breathed out in relief that they would finally cooperate this morning

About a decent ways into the movie you had to pee. But the girls were only two! They could NOT be left alone and quite frankly, you had preferred to do your business in peace without the two girls in the bathroom with you.

Just as you were about to text to ask Denki how breakfast was, you heard the front door become unlocked and open. “I’m back!” Denki announced “Dada!” The girls enthusiastically got up from the couch to hug their beloved father. “Hey honey! How was breakfast?” You asked your husband as you pecked him on the lips, earning a few ‘ew’s’ from your daughters. “Oh it was fun, we all missed you though” he shrugged “yeah, I wish I could’ve came but I’ll go to the next one!” You ruffled his hair

“Dada watch movie!” Hina took her dad by the wrist to drag him to their playroom “Kami, I have to use the bathroom, can you watch the movie with the girls? I’ll be quick!” You reassure him “Of course honey, go piss girl!” He waved you towards the bathroom, his last statement earning a scoff and an eye-roll from you.

As Denki sat and watched the movie, he couldn’t recall if he had ever seen this movie with the girls. As he continued to watch one scene in particular caught his attention as the two main characters seem to have been having a disagreement. “Why not why won’t you sing?!” The pink one had exclaimed “Because singing killed my grandma!” The grey troll countered back “Just leave me alone” he stated, the scene making Denki’s jaw drop dramatically. “Wha-?” Then another creature spoke up “My uncle broke his neck tap dancing once…” causing him to burst out with laughter “No way!” He cackled “That’s where that TikTok came from?!” He continued to laugh until his cheeks were red and he was struggling for air.

Mirio

The ocean was a big fascination in your household this past week. Just your toddler being interested in toddler things. Every week it was something new, last week it was dinosaurs, and the week before that it was the rainforest. You and Mirio were desperate to keep up with your baby’s newest interests every week by finding movies, tv shows, toys, and activities to keep him educated and entertained.

This week your three year old took a big liking to the ocean after visiting the aquarium with you and Mirio last Saturday. He was obsessed with the fishes and coral reefs, of course the colorful elements caught his attention and kept it.

You knew the perfect movie that would keep his attention while you cleaned his various toys up throughout the living room. He could eat his macaroni and cheese while happily watching his movie about the ocean and you could peacefully clean up his toys without him making a big mess behind you as you clean.

You remembered this movie from when you were growing up and you still loved it as much as you did them, so of course, you didn’t mind it being background noise as you tidied up. As your husband walked into the living room you didn’t notice his presence as he leaned in the archway that was the entrance to the living room.

He smiled as he saw a great movie from his childhood being played on the tv for his son to enjoy. “What’s that?” He heard one of the fish in the movie inquire “Oh Sandy Plankton from next door he said it was called uhhh a butt!” He mistook the boat for a butt making Mirio chuckle to himself as he glanced over at you as you were bent over while distributing toys into their respective bins to keep everything organized. “Woah that’s a pretty big butt” the fish responded and Mirio strides over to you

As you were bent over, putting all of the dinosaurs into their respective bin you felt a harsh smack on your ass. “Yeah, that’s a pretty big butt!” He cheekily grinned and you sighed and rolled your eyes but a smile most definitely threatened to form on your face. “You’re horrible” you grin as you playfully swat his chest “I love you too” he laughed as he pecked you on the lips.

[maddie-grove]

Most Common Problems Faced by My Childhood Dolls (Grouped by Type of Doll)

Baby/Companion Dolls: life-threatening diseases; bullying by other dolls at school; my dubious discipline style; my divorce from my imaginary husband Jake.

Groovy Girls: bullying by other Groovy Girls; life-altering gymnastics accidents; feet too unwieldy for go-go boots.

Barbies: false witchcraft accusations; real witches; tuberculosis; kidnapping; the time Ken and his brother Adam started a polygamous cult; bullying by other Barbies (whether in a normal high school or a beauty pageant or a cult); basically anything bad that happened to female movie stars in Hollywood under the studio system; the challenges of raising a million Chrissies and Kellies and Stacies and Skippers and similarly sized off-brand child dolls with little help from Ken or Adam; sibling rivalry (including an East of Eden-style mess between Ken and Adam).

Dollhouse Families: my friend Emily C. (I was Emily S.) stealing the mom doll from my old Fisher-Price family, leaving John (the dad) a widower, so when I got a new family a few years later, I decided that John should marry Patricia, the mom of the new family, which made it necessary for me to interpret Robbie (almost certainly meant to be a dad doll) as Patricia's teenage son, which was obviously very emotionally confusing for Robbie and exacerbated the usual tensions of a newly blended family.

Clothespin Dolls: Nancy, Alice, and Lily, the three charming clothespin dolls made by my genuinely talented great-aunt Beth in the 1960s or 1970s, were grown-up sisters who had a complicated dynamic (both Nancy and Lily had serious psychological and/or substance abuse issues, so Alice had to take care of them and Nancy's children and her own children) and also experienced nineteenth-century-literature-style problems, like diphtheria and ice-skating accidents and bear attacks. The clothespin dolls that I created myself as a tween/young teen were not as well-made, but their problems were generally limited to normal high school bullshit (not even the kind where you get poisoned or kidnapped!).

Miscellaneous Medium-Sized Figurines (mostly fast food toys of Disney characters and mini-Barbies): various passive-aggressive rivalries between groups (mini-Barbies vs. movie/TV characters, Disney vs. non-Disney, movie vs. TV, protagonist vs. non-protagonist, etc.); a lack of eligible bachelors (leading to unwise marriages, such as Belle from Beauty and the Beast marrying a temperamental Space Jam monster); ennui.

Playmobils: the Playmobils had a nearly utopian society, relatively free from poverty and class snobbery, and generally this diverse group of Union soldiers, stuffy Victorians, pirates, outlaws, royalty, horse girls, milkmaids, and fairies were able to work out their differences peacefully. However, all that progressive modernity had a dark side, most clearly illustrated by the Kafkaesque ordeal of Oliver, a boy who was imprisoned for no discernable reason by an evil psychiatrist and his social worker girlfriend despite the desperate efforts of his mother to free him. Intense wartime romances and infectious disease outbreaks were also common themes.

Fisher-Price Great Adventure Action Figures: these rather hideous but very fun toys (consisting of an anachronistic mix of knights, pirates, cowboys, and Robin Hood's Merry Men) belonged to my seven-years-younger brother, so we would play with them a lot while I was looking after him. Naturally there was a lot of military conflict and criminal activity built into our play (will Robin Hood and his friends be able to steal the treasure from the castle? Will the golden knights or the black knights win the big battle? Who will stop the stagecoach robberies?), but, to entertain myself, I would introduce storylines such as "the Golden Sword Knight is tired of being bullied by the other knights, so he runs away and goes to live in the forest with Robin Hood's gang, where he falls in love with a female outlaw" and "Little John starts a AC/DC-style rock band with two of the black knights and everyone hates it."

Fisher-Price Little People: easily the most provincial of the doll groups, the Fisher-Price Little People struggled with extreme class/wealth inequality, widespread adultery, child abuse, teen homelessness, practically non-existent resources for the disabled, sexual repression, a character known only as "The Pervert," and a killer clown. Every day they went to school and work, and every night they tried to find someone to hook up with and maybe got kidnapped. I only wish my brother and I had been in possession of the motel playset. Think of all the extramarital affairs and drug deals that could have happened there!

Polly Pockets: the Polly Pocket community was dominated by two wealthy factions, a nouveau riche pair of brothers with a beach party house and the royal family. Due to a severe job and housing shortage, plus the local men's habit of not acknowledging their natural children, ordinary Polly Pockets had to struggle and scrape. Compared with the Barbies, there was a lot of solidarity among women (and also Josh, the one working-class boy Polly Pocket). Many of the Polly Pockets were very fragile, including the alcoholic Cowgirl Becky and the agoraphobic piano player Penny.

Paper Dolls: intense status jockeying over who had the most/best clothes, mainly. They also fought about friendships and (if there were any of them) boys, but it ultimately came down to clothes.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 2, Wave 1, Poll 1

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Hiccup Haddock-How To Train Your Dragon

Qualifications:

1. The man is missing a leg 2. He's bi in fanon (and in my heart) 3. Blorbo original flavor. Need I say more?

He has a prosthetic leg, and at least in my circles is quite often hcd as bi

Propaganda:

He's so cool. He builds his own prosthetics that interface with the prosthetics he built for his disabled dragon. First viking to ride a dragon. Chief that brought a new era of prosperity to Berk.

Probably one of the most popular physically disabled characters. And although I personally am not disabled, I have heard a bunch of disabled ppl say that they like him as rep. As he pretty much just exists with his disability. It is not ignored. He doesn't not always function the same as people with 2 regular legs. But it is not made into a tragedy. He just has a prosthetic leg after an accident which caused him to loose one. And nobody really makes a big deal out of it, which makes sense in the society they live in. Idk, here's a link to a video discussing the disability representation in httyd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvwRhb_ocPM

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @flammableengineering is the first submitter.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus-The Locked Tomb

Qualifications:

She's a lesbian and the author Tamsyn Muir has confirmed she's written as schizophrenic, based on her own experience.

Okay SO Harrow is a necromancer nun who is also a huge lesbian. She spends the books of TLT series being super gay and repressed about her emotions for 1. Butch lesbian Jesus and 2. Human Barbie the death of God. She narrates the second book (Harrow the Ninth) and is author-confirmed schizophrenic. She experiences hallucinations thru the whole book and has since childhood. She’s also WIDELY headcannoned as autistic by the fandom (me too) because. Because she IS SO FUCKING AUTISTIC (source: I am autistic too)

Schizophrenic lesbian with a traumatic brain injury

Schizophrenic and sapphic

canonically a schizophrenic lesbian. neither word is used in series, she isn't in a position to get a diagnosis and queer identities are so normalised in the universe that labels just don't get mentioned, but she is written as both by an author who is also both.

Canon schizophrenia

Canon lesbian with canon schizophrenia

She's a schizophrenic lesbian with a traumatic brain injury

Propaganda:

The Locked Tomb is pretty popular on tumblr but I might as well submit her anyway

She’s a lesbian necromancer nun. She’s a saint and also woke up the death of God, who is a human Barbie, who she is in love with, tho she’s also kind of married to lesbian Jesus. She’s schizophrenic. She’s scrungly. She puts bread in a drawer. She’s even autistic

Harrow first started hallucinating (visual and auditory) when she was ten years old! The traumatic brain injury and seizures are much more recent. Unironically gotta love a pov protagonist who makes you struggle along with her in sorting out hallucination and false memory to figure out what's going on. Also while Harrow's disability shapes the narrative, the book isn't at all about her being disabled. It's a fantasy/scifi gothic horror novel about being trapped at a work retreat with God.

so many women want her but she’s determined to be in love with the soul of the dead earth trapped in a 10ft barbie doll instead. she’s a lesbian disaster and is trying to deal with both schizophrenia and over 200 actual ghosts haunting her.

Author Tamsyn Muir has discussed how Harrow's schizophrenia is modeled after her own experiences. It matters a lot in her eponymous novel, where her inability to trust what she sees and hears is compounded by her self-inflicted lobotomy to save her girlfriend's soul from getting absorbed into her own.

Harrow is one of the protagonists of her series & both her lesbianism & her schizophrenia play major parts in the story. The author has spoken about how she wrote Harrow based on her own experiences, and the authenticity comes through strongly. Beyond that, she's a teenage gothic nun in love with a holy corpse & she's the greatest bone magician ever born. What more needs be said.

She's a lesbian, she's psychotic, she has seizures, she faints regularly and can't rely on her own memory worth shit. And the only reason she's not going to kill god is so she and her girl can escape the cycle of violence. Basically, Harrowhark Nonagesimus is the entire package.

Anything Else?:

Listen. Listen. I’m not doing Harrow justice here. I LOVE her (Submitter 2)

The author is also schizophrenic! Which is pretty cool. (Submitter 3)

The author of the series is openly schizophrenic, and has mentioned in interviews that she's drawing on that experience when writing Harrow :) (Submitter 8)

[tiffyfoundsomething]

I haven’t been excited by a new toy in a while, but MGA’s new Miniverse got my attention.

These are available everywhere, including Amazon: https://amzn.to/3GGeEIt

However, that’s not always a good thing. It’s not always a positive aspect of a toy that catches my eye.

The big “what???” of these is that they’re marketed to kids age 8 and up, and contain UV resin.

Now..... Resin is

well it’s

...

It’s not for kids.

Allergies to uncured resin are common (both 2-part epoxy and UV resins) and can be severe.

There are lots of warnings in the packaging. I didn’t read them.

You should wear gloves and a respirator when working with any resin, even in a well ventilated area. There aren’t many proper respirators that fit kids....

Froggy on YouTube was too afraid to open her resin and instead used tinted Mod Podge which worked just as well.

I, however, am old and experienced with both types of resin (though no expert), unafraid of the possible reaction I could endure (I’m familiar with resin allergy and how it can be, so a good test subject) so I figured I’d give these a look to see just how bad an idea they might be for kids.

I did NOT wear gloves or a respirator while working on these kits in the name of science.

My first order was 3x of the Diner balls (there are 3x of the Cafe ones on the way).

I wanted a blueberry cheesecake.

None of my three were any type of cheesecake. I got this strawberry and cake parfait, choco-hazelnut spread and strawberry toast, and key lime pie.

First warning on this one:  When I opened the little plastic bag that contained the “vanilla cream”, it smelled of UV resin and left my finger sticky. Some resin must have gotten on the outside of the bottle before it was bagged. It did make me itch at the time, which I was like “oh no....” but I’ll get back to that. One of the other balls had the same experience, but not all three.

The positives:  Wow this is cute. There are screened veins on the strawberries, the whole berries have painted leaves, and the cake cubes are textured. These are very nice little minis, if a little under-detailed and obviously plastic.

Excellent for doll houses.

Every tiny bottle of resin has a big DO NOT EAT THIS sticker on it with information if you peel it off and unfold it.

The negatives:  resin

You get tools, but they’re insufficient. I’ll address that later, also.

The little fruit and cake packages are difficult to open and I tossed my cake cubes across the desk. I am clumsy.

The resin bottle is VERY difficult to open. While this is good to prevent leaks (presumably), it did result in me and various tools being covered in resin trying to get it open.

Most of these items are a good scale for 1/6th dolls (Mini Me is a Live Action Beauty and the Beast Belle head on a curvy Barbie body). That bread is kind of big, those are bulk peanut butter, and that’s a LOT of vanilla cream.

Speaking of the bread...

I am NEVER opening this. Never. It’s too cute as it is. There is a TINY. BREAD. TAB.

Never.

That freed up one kit’s stuff to mix with the others.

These limes are transparent like they’ve been baked.

The whipped cream tube opens and there are all of these dollops inside, but I’m not the only one that thought they looked like little garlic! With a little toasty-colored dry brushing they could also be meringues.

Anyway, this was my “I’ve done this before.” set up. I didn’t tape down my tape (that’s a vinyl flooring sample, it’s an excellent base for working on UV resin), but it was fine for this small project.

I like to work on baby wipes because the damp, rough texture stops things from rolling or sliding around (it’s especially handy if you’re playing with glitter) and I keep another on hand to wipe my tools or my fingers as needed with the container nearby because I do go through a lot of wipes. Negative to baby wipes is that they’re prone to dropping strings everywhere.

Back to the tools.

You don’t want to touch uncured resin. The tools that come with these kits are playscale. Imagine trying to dig the key lime pie goo out of this jar with that tiny knife (though that set comes with a spoon). You’re going to be covered in resin.

There’s only about 1/3 of the jar full.

I used my normal resin doing spoon which is long and still had to stop to wipe my fingers a few times because I am clumsy.

The same with the tweezers.

These longer ones are much safer.

Each of these three kits has a different texture of resin. This is the “Nutella” which is thick and spreadable. I was using it as chocolate sauce since I didn’t want to use the bread. The vanilla cream was runny, and the key lime pie goo was in the middle.

I was doing this at 5 am in the winter so there was no sun. I used my nail lamp, so I can’t say whether these would set properly in the sun.

Having experience with UV resin, I did the key lime pie in two layers, curing the lower layer of just lime goo first so that the pieces wouldn’t get pushed too deep into said goo, then adding a second, thinner layer to set the fruit into.

I got this all over myself even with my longer, more appropriate tools.

Because the deco is plastic you can’t hit the resin with a flame to get rid of bubbles. Sometimes you can get them to pop if you blow on it hard and fast (POOF!) but I didn’t bother.

Obviously I switched mine up and made a strawberry limeade pie instead, using some of the Nutella to make a chocolate dipped strawberry on top.

As for the parfait, I am disappointed that the cake cubes on the bottom are obscured by the resin. It is very runny, ran down and around and covered them right up.

I also did this one in layers. I was wondering if the white resin would be able to cure because sometimes opaque tinted UV resin, especially white, can’t cure and you end up with a thin, cured crust and then that can be easily broken and uncured resin comes out everywhere.

This white resin cured fine. It’s not opaque.

I’m wishing I’d skipped the whipped cream on the parfait because the bright white of the whipped cream makes the transparency of the vanilla cream resin more obvious.

And this is what I’m left with!

If I hadn’t put the big strawberry on the key lime pie, it all would have fit into the pie crust container.

I cured the mostly empty insides of the vanilla cream and key lime goo containers but not the Nutella because I might come back and use that some day.

Whipped cream bits are back into the can.

I didn’t want to have empty fruit packaging so I pulled out some polyclay canes and refilled them.

Final thoughts

If you were to do these kits as intended, you’d be throwing away most of them. There was a TON of plastic bags inside, three layers of plastic outside, the pie crust and fruit containers and resin bottles/jars would be empty, there are many, many papers inside telling how to use the resin and warnings and the checklist and MGA’s usual “Give us your toy ideas for free!” flyer they include in everything these days.

I didn’t put them in the pictures but each kit does come with a small table that can snap into the ball to use as a dust-free display, and a doily or place mat depending on what you’re making.

I DID get resin all over my fingers. The resin DOES smell, but not as strong as my usual UV resin and it doesn’t sting my nose like my usual UV resin. If I were allergic, I’d be in pretty bad shape right now. As it is, I just feel kind of gross even though I’ve gotten as much off of my hands as I can.

Washing your hands won’t get this off, you need rubbing alcohol, which is where baby wipes come in handy.

Are these for kids 8+?

no

I mean, it depends on the kid. I’ve seen kids that can outcook adults.

Giving this to me at that age or even as a teen would be a mistake. It would end up in my hair, up my nose, on the dog, in my mom’s purse somehow.... I am clumsy.

It depends on the kid, but in general, no. There are very few respirators that properly fit children.

This is for teens and adults who already know how to handle UV resin.

[chickensarentcheap]

Lost and Found- Chapter 22

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (OFC. But you do not have to read the others in the series to understand this fic.)

Warnings: some profanity, angst

ALSO, IT'S A LONG ONE, FOLKS lol. Sorry.

*Includes Extraction 1 and 2 canon mentions

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @munstysmind @themaradwrites @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @kmc1989 @thebejeweledwatercat @asirensrage @theesirenteller @residentdormouse @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciation @occommunity @karimac @alisbackalleybbq @ninjasawakenedmystar

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/130239049

My tag list is OPEN. Please just let me know if you'd like to be added :D

****

He lounges in the room Millie shares with Abuela. Stretched out on his side and propped up on his elbow; watching as his daughter quietly and contently plays just mere inches away. The four-year-old clad in her choice of attire for the day; consisting of a red and black button-down shirt paired with extremely bright and bold leggings with cat faces splashed over every inch. Her hair loose and unruly; falling into her eyes and over her face as she kneels in front of a large plastic tote box. Holding a treasure trove of belongings that Yaz had managed -after he and a small team had successfully broken in- to gather from Alessio’s home. Her entire collection of GI Joe dolls and My Little Ponies, more art and craft supplies, and a handful of Barbies and accessories.

“Tyler?”

He helps himself to one of the wine gums from the open carton that sits between them. Even in the midst of all of his prepping and immersing himself further in the role of mercenary, he had taken the time out when she’d requested his attention. Unable to resist that tiny voice, that hopeful smile, and those brilliant blue eyes. “Yeah?”

“Do you think that Barbie…” Millie holds up her favourite doll; baring beautiful dark skin and shimmering black hair and wearing a sparkling gold mini dress. And a matching pair of impossibly high heels. ”...THIS Barbie…would like GI Joe?”

“Which GI Joe are we talking about?”

“This guy!” She picks up the action figure in question; tall and muscular with blond hair and green eyes, clad in his fatigues. “He’s my all-time fave! The rest are just…I dunno…too basic for my best Barbie.”

“Basic?”

“Momma says that, in a nutshell, someone who is basic is VERY boring. Unoriginal. They don’t offer anything new. They can put you to sleep with how ordinary and vanilla they are.”

“She says that a lot about people?”

“Just the guys who try and date her. And you know what? She’s right. They’re basic as hell.”

Smirking, he pops the wine gum into his mouth.

Millie lowers her voice. “Momma actually calls them a bad word. Can I tell you what it is? Without getting in trouble? Or without telling her I said it?”

“I won’t give you any grief for it. And remember what I told you? About how snitches get stitches? Your secret’s safe with me.”

“She calls them ‘basic bitches.’” She dissolves into giggles, both hands covering her mouth, her eyes narrowed and sparkling. “Isn’t that hilarious? Basic bitches. It’s mean, but it’s funny too!”

“Does your mom date a lot? Has there been a lot of guys? Before Alessio? That come around?”

“No. Not really. Not a lot. Just a few. And momma didn’t date. They TRIED and date her.”

“Gotcha. So they ask her out and…?”

“And she always said ‘no’. That she wasn’t interested. She was nice when she told them that. She said just too busy with work and taking care of me. But once they were gone? She told me the real deal.”

“She told you? Or did you hear her telling someone else?”

“You’re good. You’re REALLY good. Don’t tell her that either, okay? That I spy sometimes? I hear things. Mostly when she’s talking to Auntie Nik on the phone or Facetime. Sometimes it’s Uncle Yaz. Mom thinks I’m asleep, but I’m really sitting at the end of the hall. She can’t see me if she’s in her room, and I’m hiding there.”

“This is when you lived in your old apartment?”

Millie nods. ”I LOVED that apartment. It was nice. Better than living at Alessio’s dumb-ass house. I wasn’t allowed to do anything there. I wasn’t allowed to make crafts because they were too messy, I wasn’t allowed to listen to music and dance, and I definitely wasn’t allowed to have a pet. I had a cat. Before we moved in with him.”

“Where’s the cat now?”

“Uncle Duey took her. Her name is Beatrice, but everyone calls her Bea. Like how my name is really Amelia, but everyone calls me ‘Millie.’ She’s super cute; she’s black, but she has white under her chin and near her nose, and she has white socks. We got her from the shelter.”

“You miss her?”

“I miss Bea all the time. She used to sleep with me. Every night. Right by my head. And she was a lot of fun! She would play fetch; I’d throw her favourite toy, and she’d run and grab it and bring it back to me! And she LOVED to sit in the window and yell at the pigeons that came on the balcony. I bet she would have grabbed ‘em and beat ‘em up if mom let her outside.”

“That wouldn’t have been good. What if they beat HER up?”

“Do you know who the Bowery King is?”

“I know a bit about him.”

“Momma and Uncle John know him. I only met him once. Momma took me to where he lives. He has tons of pigeons! And mom said if Bea ever got out and caught one of his birds? We would have been in big shit!’

Tyler gives a small chuckle. “I can imagine.”

“Uncle John said we would have been fine. He would have protected us. He would have told the Bowery King to take a hike! He didn’t say it like THAT, though. He said the ‘f word’. Do you know what word I mean?”

“I do. Very well. So about these guys your mom would date…”

She stares at him pointedly. And in those narrowed eyes and furrowed brow, he immediately sees himself.

“That tried to date HER,” he quickly corrects himself. “She didn’t like any of them?”

“I mean, I guess she liked them enough. To at least give them a chance.”

“What happened? Things didn’t work out?”

“She got bored with them. They weren’t interesting enough for her. And they all had boring jobs; lawyers and doctors and guys that work on Wall Street. Yawn city! And they weren’t even good-looking to make up for it! But there was one guy, though. That was pretty cool. I liked him.”

“What was he like?”

“He was super nice. He would always bring us takeout; pizza and Chinese and fried chicken and even tacos!”

“Everything is about food with you, isn’t it.”

“It’s my love language. It makes my tummy AND my heart happy. I don’t care if I get fat when I’m older. I’m gonna eat as much as I want. Whatever I want, too!”

“So this guy…”

“He used to take us to Rangers hockey games and to see the Mets play baseball. And sometimes, he’d take me places all by himself. We’d go to the movies and bowling and to the arcade!”

“Your mum was okay with that? Just sending you off with him!”

“She trusted him. He was a policeman!”

Tyler frowns. “He was a cop.”

“Not like a regular one. He wore normal clothes. Sometimes a suit and tie. And he would go to accidents and murders and stuff and ask people lots of questions.”

“He was a detective?”

“Yeah! That’s what he was! He was an alright guy, though. He was nice to me. And I think he REALLY liked mom.”

“Did he ever stay over?”

“Hell no! That’s a big no-no! Momma NEVER let that happen. She would always say that ‘Millie isn’t ready for that kind of thing’. And she was right. I didn’t want to see some guy walking around in his gitch first thing in the morning!”

“What happened? With your mum and this guy? She wasn’t into him?”

“She seemed like she was. They spent a lot of time together. It’s kinda weird, right? That he was a cop? ‘Cause momma’s job is totally illegal, and Auntie Nik is a criminal! Did you know that? That she was in jail?”

“I did know that, yeah.”

“Totally badass, right? But the guy? He found out the truth about what mom does for a living. And everything about Auntie Nik and Uncle Yaz. After that, he couldn’t date momma anymore. If he did, he’d have to arrest her.”

“That wouldn’t have been good.”

“No. But instead of doing that, he just decided not to see her anymore. He said he would pretend he NEVER found out the truth. That’s good of him, I think. ‘Cause then momma would have gotten in trouble, and I never would have seen her again. That would have made me really sad. Not to have my momma. And you never answered my question.”

“I forgot what it was.”

“Would my favourite Barbie like my favourite GI Joe?”

“What do you think?”

“Well, he seems nice enough. He’s definitely not boring. Like Ken. Ken is definitely what mom would call a basic bitch.”

“Yeah, he’s always been a drongo.”

“What does that mean? drongo?”

“Stupid. An idiot.”

“A dumb ass?”

“Basically. That’s what we call them. In Australia. Drongos.”

“Does everyone in Australia talk like you do?”

“Maybe not exactly like it. But we all have accents. They sound a bit different; depending on what area you come from.”

“And are there tons of cool words there? That you say different than us?”

“Way too many to count. Once you get settled, I’ll teach you all kinds of cool slang.”

“Will you teach me the swears too?”

“I don’t know about THAT.”

“Please? Pretty please? I want to learn the swears! I promise I won’t repeat them. Not in front of other adults or kids. And especially not in front of momma. It can just be for us!”

“We’ll see.”

“And am I really going to get to see kangaroos and koalas?”

“I get them all the time around the house. The koalas love the trees in the backyard. They’re always hanging out in them. You’ll have to be careful, though; they’re cute, but they can be nasty. Don’t go around chasing them and trying to pick them up, alright?”

Millie nods. “Momma said there’s lots of snakes there, too. Will we get to see those?”

“Sometimes they even get in the house. Then I have to grab them and take them back outside. Are you scared of snakes?”

“Nope. Momma is, but I’m not. I think they’re cool.”

“You can help, then. We get any in the house, you can be the junior snake wrangler.”

“Is it true that the spiders are the size of dinner plates? That’s what mom said.”

“They can be≥ d. They won’t hurt you, though. They’re huge and ugly, but they’re not dangerous.”

“I wanna see one. Really bad!”

“Tell you what, first one I have to relocate ‘cause your mom is threatening to burn down the house? I’ll let you hold it. Get you used to handling them. So you’re not freaking out when you see them wandering around the place.”

“So I’m not a ‘fraidy cat like mommy! When we lived in our old apartment, we’d get spiders! Just little ones, though. And daddy long legs. She was even scared of them! I’m the one who had to get them for her. And she would always want me to kill them! ‘Millie, get him! Squish him!’ Mean mom! But you know what I did instead? I saved a spaghetti sauce jar and cleaned it all out and that’s what I’d put them in. And then I’d take them outside and let them go!”

They lapse into a comfortable silence, and Tyler watches her as his little girl neatly arranges her toys and craft supplies in the bin; not having the heart to point out that all the transporting during their relocation to Australia would no doubt leave the bin in a disorganized mess. She hums while she works; a trait she’d inherited from her mother, and he’d both discovered and fallen in love with- during their year together.

Yet despite the similarities to Esme, he sees more of himself inside Millie than anything else. The identical profile -before his nose had been broken and left him with the bump in the bridge-, the same furrows in the brow, the brilliant blue eyes, the curve of the jaw line, the slim, slender neck, and long, almost gangly limbs. And it’s almost unsettling; sitting across from his ‘mini me’ with all their likeness and her resemblance in physical appearance, personality and likes and dislikes she shares with his son. Their love for drawing and crafts. Their care and compassion for animals. Their endless curiosity and love for life and everyone in it.

Sitting back on her heels, she shoves her hair out of her face “Tyler?”

“Millie?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You’ve been on a roll so far. I don’t see a reason for you to stop now.”

“It’s kinda personal. And touchy.”

“Personal and touchy for who?”

“Me. I might get emotional.”

“That’s okay. You’re human. Nothing wrong with being emotional.”

“I don’t want to embarrass myself. In front of you.”

“There’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about. It’s normal; to get emotional and show and talk about feelings. Even guys like me do it.”

“Really?”

He nods. “I didn’t do it for a long time. I was always scared to. And then I met your mum, and she taught me that it was alright to show that side of myself. To get angry and sad. To even cry sometimes.”

“YOU cry?”

“Everyone does. Or everyone should, at least.”

“And mumma taught you that?”

“Your mum taught me a lot of things. About myself. And about others and how to treat them. What do you want to ask me?”

Millie releases a long, heavy sigh as she steels her emotions. “Do you think he’ll like me? When he meets me?”

“Who is ‘he’?”

“My dad.”

His entire body tenses; throat and jaw tightening, stomach clenching.

Millie continues, not noticing his sudden discomfort. “My daddy lives really, really, REALLY far away. We’ve never actually seen each other. And momma said that when I’m a bit older, she’s going to take me to meet him. And I wanna meet him, but I’m scared. That he won’t like me.”

“Why wouldn’t he like you? What’s not to like?”

“What if he thinks I’m annoying? ‘Cause I talk so much? Or what if he thinks I’m too noisy and too messy and too bossy and that I need to go live somewhere else? Away from mom.”

“Did someone say all those things? About you? Is that why you’re afraid he will?”

“Alessio. He didn’t like me being around. He said I was ‘too much’. That I needed to be taught how to behave ‘cause mom obviously never bothered to do it. He wanted to send me away. To a special school. Where I’d have to live. Instead of with momma.” Her lower lip and chin wobble as tears sparkle in her eyes. “I don’t want to be away from momma. I’d miss her too much. I’d cry all the time.”

“No one is going to take you away from your mum. You’re going to stay with her. Until you grow up and you meet some nice guy and…”

“Or girl. It could be a girl, too. That’s okay, you know. If girls love girls and boys love boys.”

“...and you have little ones of your own. Then you’ll want your own space. To raise your family.”

“But somewhere close to mom. Real close. Maybe next door. ‘Cause I don’t want to be far away. What if I need her? Or what if she needs me?”

“Then you live as close as you can to her. But still be under your own roof. No one is going to take you from your mum. She’d never let that happen. I’D never let that happen.”

“He was mean. Alessio. Mom and him fought all the time. Is it my fault? That they did?”

“No. It’s not. And nothing that happened the other night is your fault, either. You know that, yeah?”

She nods.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cause them to fight. They fought because your mum was sticking up for you. Because she would do anything to protect you. And he didn’t like that.”

“And because he’s a drongo!”

“He definitely is. A big fucking drongo.”

Clamping a hand over her mouth, she giggles at his words.

“And why would your dad not like you? What’s not to like?”

“Because I can be super loud. And messy. And a bit too much.”

“You’re four. You’re supposed to be loud and messy. And a bit too much.”

“So you think he will? Like me?”

“No. I don’t think he’ll like you. I think he’ll love you. How can he not? You’re his little girl. His baby. So unless he’s a complete asshole…”

“He’s not. Momma said he’s a really nice guy. And momma wouldn’t lie about that. If he was a jerk, she’d say so. And she wouldn’t take me to meet him, that’s for sure.”

“What else has your mum said? About your dad?”

“Just that he lived really far away and that he was a good person with a really good heart. That she wished things could have been different and that she never had to leave. It made her sad, you know. That she couldn’t stay. It made her cry. Talking about it. I don’t like it when mom cries. It hurts my heart.”

“Hurts my heart, too.”

“And she said she loved him. Very much. And that she always would.”

He noisily clears his throat in a desperate attempt to wash away the lump of emotion that threatens to choke him.

“Do you think he loves her? Still?”

“Maybe. You’d have to ask him that.”

“Can I tell you something?”

Tyler nods.

“I’m also scared that he’ll want momma back. ‘Cause we’ll be living with you. And you love momma, and she loves you, and we’re gonna be a family, right?”

“That’s what I want.”

“But what if he wants momma for himself? And you have to fight over her?”

“I’m not worried about that. I already know I’d win.”

“I don’t want to be away from momma, but I don’t wanna be away from you, either. I want to meet him, but I don’t want to live with him. I want to live with YOU. You wouldn’t let him take us, would you? You’d stop him, right? If he tried to force us?”

“He wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m not giving you or your mumma up. You guys are stuck with me.”

“If he doesn’t like me, will you punch him in the face?”

“If you ask me too. But you don’t have to worry about that. He’ll like you. He’ll LOVE you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“And you promise you won’t let him take us? To live with him? Like I said, I wanna meet him, not live with him.”

“You and your mom aren’t going anywhere.”

“What if mom goes? If she does, can I stay with you? I’m sure my dad’s a good guy, but he probably can’t protect me like you can. He’d probably be scared of the bad guys. And he’s probably not as awesome as you. With the cool hair and all the tattoos and stuff. I bet he’s not like that. At all.”

“You won’t know until you meet him. But even if he is cool, there’s no way he’s as cool as me.”

“Oh god…” Millie gives a dramatic gasp. “...what if it turns out he’s a basic bitch?”

“No one as awesome as you could ever come from someone that’s a basic bitch.”

“That’s a really good point.”

“Your dad is going to love you. Don’t ever doubt that. And don’t ever doubt how much your mum already DOES love you. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you, Millie. You’re her baby. You always will be. No matter how old you get.”

“Momma always wanted to be a mommy. Did you know that?”

“I do. We used to talk about it. And we used to talk about having babies. Together.”

“Really?”

Tyler nods. “We wanted to get married. Have a family. And then things fell apart, and we broke up.”

“But if you didn’t break up, she never would have met my dad. And I wouldn’t be here.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Let’s just say that if something is meant to be, it’ll be. If someone is meant to be in your life, you’ll find your way back to them. No matter how long it’s been since you last saw them. And I haven’t seen your mum in a long time.”

“But you still love her?”

“I love your mumma very much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And you know who else I love?”

The four-year-old shakes her head.

“You.”

Millie squeals when she’s scooped up and thrown high over his head; dissolving into giggles when he effortlessly catches her effortlessly and then tickles and lightly pinches her sides. He switches to pressing endless kisses over every inch of her face until she’s laughing hysterically; squirming and complaining that his beard is scratching her. And when he at last collapses onto his back, bringing her tiny body to rest on top of him, she wraps both arms around his neck. Noisily kissing each of his cheeks, and then beaming down at him.

“I love you, too.”

*****

After helping settle Millie for the night, he meets with Nik and Yaz in the former’s hotel room; slowly and meticulously going over his end of the extraction. Pouring over the blueprints of the hotel’s ‘bowels’ spread across the table as Yaz paces the floor; laptop in hand as he verbally rifles off pertinent information. Nik stands alongside Tyler; hunched over the papers, using a red marker to circle and isolate important spots on the map.

“The route will take you through a few different places,” Yaz announces, pausing his pacing in order to take a swig of coffee. “This is the order: secondary kitchen, boiler room, laundry facilities, and an underground bunker.”

Tyler uses the tip of his index finger to trace the path. “What’s the bunker? What’s the story of that?”

“It’s where Winston hides out during ‘intense situations,’” Nik explains. “It’s highly stocked; every handheld weapon you can possibly think of. And its corresponding ammo.”

Tyler smirks. “Something tells me it’s not your basic ‘shelter in place.’ I highly doubt he hangs out somewhere with concrete walls and bare lightbulbs.”

“It’s as luxurious and over the top as you’d expect from him,” Yaz pipes up. “He’s known to hold ‘executive meetings’ and talks with weapons dealers in there. It’s how we first met him. Years ago.”

“There’s no other way to the loading docks? That doesn’t take me right past his little hideout?”

Yaz shakes his head. “None. When it comes to the blueprints, what you see is what you get. Everything that is available to us is right there. There’s no secret passages, no hidden hallways, no indirect path. It’s this way, or no way.”

“And there’s no other options? When it comes to exits?”

“This is the safest route out of The Continental. There’s too much foot traffic if you go in any other direction. This is the only path that’s NOT heavily patrolled by security. And trust me, this place doesn’t just have regular, run-of-the-mill guards to keep things running smoothly and make sure people stay in line. They’re heavily armed. AND expertly trained. You take a different way and run into half a dozen or more…”

“Yaz and I have walked every possible path, documented every step,” Nik says. “None of them give you even the slightest chance of going unseen and unheard like this one does. It’s too risky any other way.”

“Can’t exactly go unseen and unheard if I have to go right past it. I’m leading her right to the wolves. If Winston is hanging out in there and he hears us…”

“It’s a secure room,” Yaz explains. “It’s essentially a vault; with walls thicker and more secure than anything you’d see at even the most high end of banks.”

“A bomb could go off right outside the door, and whoever’s inside wouldn’t even hear it,” his sister adds. “There is no way if he WAS holed up inside, that Winston would know you’re even out there.”

Tyler sighs. “Just the thought of taking her right past his doorstep…”

“This whole place is his doorstep,” Nik reminds him. “There’s no one hundred percent foolproof way to get out of here. In the end, it comes down to picking the least of the evils and just going with it. Hoping for the best.”

“That’s hardly reassuring. This isn’t exactly the job I want to resort to just ‘hoping for the best’. I can’t just cross my fingers and hold my breath and pray that everything’s going to work out. If it wasn’t so personal…”

“We wouldn’t have decided on this route if we had any other option. You know that we’d never put you at risk. That we’d…”

“I don’t care about me. This comes with the territory; putting my ass on the line. But taking her right into the lion’s den? And just hoping nothing goes wrong? That’s not good enough, Nik. That’s not NEARLY good enough.”

“If there were any other options, we would have found them. But this is it, Tyler. It HAS to be this way. There’s nothing else. It’s this way or no way.”

Heaving a sigh, he runs his hands through his hair and down his weary face. Stepping away, he pours himself a cup of coffee from the carafe on the window sill; his back to the others as he nurses his drink and stares into the night. And he finds himself marvelling at the neighbouring buildings; blazing pillars of light that climb high into the black canvas of sky. And in that moment, in a city of millions and in the midst of the hustle and bustle, he’s never felt so…done. Tired of the job and everything that comes with it; the danger and the unpredictability from one moment to the next. He finally feels ready; confident in the decision to -when the final mission is finished and the coast is truly clear- to walk away from it all. To concentrate on creating a normal life; pouring his attention and his energy into firefighting and running his own business. And being a husband and a father. Someone that Esme and Millie can rely on. Not just to protect them, but to provide for them.

Love them.

Nik joins him at the window, uncapping a bottle of water and taking a sip. “Talk to me.”

“About?”

“You’re unsettled. This isn’t like you. You’re usually focused. You have your head on straight. You never break a sweat. Now…”

“This isn’t a regular gig, Nik. You can’t expect me to act like it is.”

“I HAVE to expect it. In the same way YOU have to treat it like you would any job I give you. You can’t let your heart overrule your brain. It’s dangerous. Life threatening. If you start feeling too much…”

“How can I not? This is as personal as it gets. This isn’t just random people I’ve been hired to help. It isn’t my ex-sister-in-law and her kids. This is MY kid. And it’s Esme. MY Esme. These aren’t regular clients.”

“You have to treat them like they are. If you don’t…”

“I can’t just turn it off. Maybe six, seven years ago, I would have been able to. I would have been able to separate THAT Tyler from THIS Tyler. But now…”

“This was a bad idea. Getting you involved. And I told her that. That calling you was the worst thing we could do. That I had other people that could handle this sort of job and…”

“Calling me was the best thing you could have done. For more reasons than one.”

“We’re not going to talk about that. Now isn’t the time. Now…”

“You should have called me a long time ago. About Millie. You had every chance to tell me; that I had a kid out there. And the least you could have done was tell me Esme was alive. You have had every opportunity to put my mind at ease. To let me know that she was okay.”

“I already have explained. Why I did what I did. And I’ve already apologized. I’ve…”

“I don’t care about your apology. I don’t need you to keep saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ Remember when you gave me shit? For not telling you it was my ex-wife who hired me in Georgia? How you talked about not needing my apology but my trust? That should have went both ways. Because now? After everything you’ve done? Everything you COULD HAVE done? How am I supposed to trust YOU?”

She blinks, taken back by his honesty.

“I can’t do this anymore. Not even as a side gig. I can’t keep putting myself out there. Everything’s changed. The second Esme walked back into my life…”

“Don’t make any hasty decisions. Right now, you’re running on pure emotion. You’re…”

“She’s going to need me, Nik. And not like THIS. She doesn’t need mercenary me. She needs a partner and husband and a father to her little girl. And any kids that might come after that. She needs me home. Safe. She shouldn’t be watching me walk out the front door and then spending days…weeks…wondering if I’m going to walk back in.”

“You’re going to have all the time in the world to think about quitting. When this job is done and I’ve taken care of things here in the city, and there’s no more threat…”

“I don’t need any more time. My mind was made up the second I saw her. As soon as she walked into the room and I realized she was the one who hired me, that was it. I don’t need to think about it.”

“Is it what she wants? You walking away?”

“It’s what she deserves. This life? It’s not good for her. And it’s definitely not good for Millie. It’s time, Nik. This is it. No more. No more calling me and asking for favours. I’m done. And if that means you lose my number and forget I ever existed, then that’s the way it has to be.”

“That would never happen. Whether you work for me or not.”

“Esme and Millie have to be first. I made that mistake with Mia; putting the military before her and our boy. I’m not going to do it again. Not with Esme. Not with the love of my life. I lost her once. I’m not going to lose her again.”

“And you’ve talked about this? With her? You’ve…”

“We’re getting married. As soon as we can. Just something small. The two of us and Millie and a couple of witnesses. We have five years to make up for. We’re not going to waste any time.”

“And you’ll be happy? Giving this up? Entirely?”

“Maybe not at first. But it’s something I HAVE to do. I have a family now.”

“You’ve had a family all this time. Yaz and me and…”

“It’s not the same, and you know it. I have a daughter. I’m going to be a husband. And those are the two things I have to concentrate on. I need to give them a normal life. Away from all of this. They deserve better. From me.”

Sighing, she nods slowly as she considers his words)

“You’ll find someone else. That annoys you as much as I do.”

“Maybe that’s true. But I definitely won’t find someone that can do the job nearly as good as you.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to move on, too. Do something else with your life. Remember what you told me? In Austria? About how my entire life fit inside one little box? And how I should do something about it. Well, it’s taken me a couple of years, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“If anyone deserves a shot at a normal life…”

“And maybe you should take your own advice. You can’t tell me this is all you want. Being caught up in all of this. You can’t tell me this is the only kind of life that makes you happy? What about filling your own boxes? When are you going to start on that?”

A smirk tugs at the corner of her mouth. “I’m not taking personal life advice from you. Considering the mess you made of things by getting hooked up with Delaney…”

“I know I’m not the guy who should be talking. I don’t exactly have the best track record; when it comes to women and marriage and having kids. But this can’t be it. This can’t be all you want. And don’t even try and lie; I know when you’re full of shit.”

Managing a small laugh, she reaches out to rub his upper arm. “I hope it all works out for you. I hope you and Esme go on to get married and stay that way for a few decades. I hope you have more babies. And grandbabies. I hope you get your happily ever after.”

“So do I.”

“But for now, can we concentrate on other things? On what’s in front of us? Because none of that will happen for you if you don’t get Esme out of here. If that goes wrong…”

Tyler sips his coffee. “I’ve got…concerns.”

“About the plan? The route?”

“I’m not thrilled with having to take her that away; parade right past where Winston might be hanging out. But if there really is no other choice, I’ll make it work.”

“There Is no other option. Believe me, I would have given you one if there were.”

“It’s more than that. Something doesn’t feel right. Something ISN’T right.”

“In what way?”

“Winston’s been way too quiet. Since that sniper tried to take Millie and me out. He hasn’t come up to the suite once; to see how she’s holding up. Don’t you find that a little odd? Considering he calls her his granddaughter? You don’t find it strange that he hasn’t bothered to check if she’s okay?”

“It’s more than a little odd. Much more.”

“All he cared about was the room getting shot up. Us ‘making a mess’ of things. Bringing trouble here. Other than taking the time to try and reem you out…”

“He learned very quickly. That NO ONE speaks to me like that.”

“...he hasn’t made any attempt to contact Esme. And I know that should make me happy; considering he’s got some kind of fucked up old man crush on her…”

“It’s unsettling.”

“Very. He spent how many months keeping her safe here? After that adjudicator showed up at our place, and Esme took off? Better part of a year, yeah?”

Nik nods.

“Even after that, when she finally could go on with her life, he kept tabs on her. Made sure that no one was watching her or causing her trouble. And look how fast he came to the rescue this time. When she and Millie needed a place to hide out.”

“He isn’t just seeing her as a daughter. I’ve always said it; that the way he feels goes far beyond what a parent would feel for a child. It never sat well with me; how much he doted on her and needed to be around her.”

“It’s fucked up. Not just how he feels about her, but how far he’s willing to go to keep her here. Under his thumb. And away from me. Offering me the money to walk away, threatening me, having a sniper try and take me out…”

“We don’t know that was him. That organized that. We…”

“All of that, and now suddenly he’s disappeared? Gone silent? He doesn’t give a shit about her anymore? He hasn’t bothered to check up on her or Millie? It doesn’t make sense. Something isn’t right, Nik.”

“Is that your brain or your gut telling you that?”

“A bit of both.”

“I’ve already told you to listen to your instincts; that they’re very rarely wrong. And if something doesn’t feel right to you…”

“It feels FAR from right.”

“You think he knows what we’re up to? Do you think we might have a mole? That’s tipped him off?”

“It’s possible. He could be just lying in wait. For us to make a move. Is there anyone that you don’t trust? On the team? That sat in on the plans and might have shared the info?”

“I wouldn’t have them here if I didn’t trust them.”

“If he knows what we’re up to, we’re fucked. He’ll be on us before I even get Esme anywhere near the exit. And if he knows what day and time…”

“You’re thinking he might ambush you.”

“Not just him. If he does have a small army of these highly trained security people…”

“Should we change the date? The time? We can’t change the path. There’s no other route to take. And if we’re not out of here before the deadline he’s given us…”

“How comfortable do you feel going to him?”

“It’s pretty much the last thing I want to do, but…”

“What if I asked you to go and talk to him? Try and find out what he knows. See if you can convince him to give us some extra time?”

“Stay here even longer? Tyler…”

“Not actually stay here. But put it in his head that we’re going to, then leak a fake date and time. If he thinks we’re taking off then, that opens the door for the plan we already have. Puts him off our scent.”

“You think he’d fall for that?”

“I don’t know. But at this point, I’m willing to try anything. I HAVE to get her out of here. Without him knowing. Because if he catches on and tries to stop me…”

“If you kill him, you’re just opening up a whole new world of hurt for yourself. And for Esme and Millie.”

“If he gets in my way, I won’t have a choice. Because he’ll stop at nothing to keep her here. And I can’t let that happen. I can’t let him get his hands on her. She’s not his to have.”

“The High Table will come for you. If you kill him, they won’t let you have a moment’s rest. They will track you down. And what kind of life is that? Living with that fear?”

“I’m not scared of them.”

“You should be. Because they won’t think twice about using Esme or Millie to get to you. If you kill Winston and manage to get out of here, you will have a target on your back for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve had one on my back for years.”

“Not from THEM you haven’t. Why would you want to take that risk? Having The High Table after you? Why…?”

“He gets in my way, I will take him out.”

“Don’t do it, Tyler. You may not care about your life, but it isn’t just you anymore. Think about Esme. And Millie. They don’t deserve to live with that kind of fear. And they certainly don’t deserve to lose you. You just got Esme back. You just found out you’re a dad again. Why…?”

“If he doesn’t give me a choice, I’m doing what I have to. To get her out of here.”

“You won’t be safe anywhere. Wherever you run to, they’ll follow. They WILL find you. I’m warning you, Tyler. Don’t do it. Find another way. To deal with him. IF it happens. But don’t do THAT. Anything but that.”

“I can’t make any promises, Nik. Because if he tries to stop me or he hurts her in any way…”

“I am begging you NOT to do it. To not go that route. You can’t take it back. You can’t make things right. If you take him out, you’re signing your own death certificate. You know that, right?”

“I’ll do what I have to do. To get Esme out of here. And if they come for me…”

“Not if. When. WHEN they come for you.”

“Then I deal with it. I pay the price. But you gotta promise me one thing. If that happens.”

“I’m not putting my support behind this. I can’t. I can’t give you my blessing. Not for this. I’m sorry. I…”

“I want you to take care of them. Esme and Millie. Make sure they’re alright. If I’m not around to do it…”

“Don’t talk like that. Don’t…”

“Just promise me, yeah? You’ve done it before; made sure they were safe and taken care of. I’m sure you can do it again. Promise me, Nik. That if something happens to me and I can’t do it myself, you’ll take care of my family. For however long you have to.”

“Tyler…”

“Promise me. That Esme and Millie will be okay. That you’ll keep an eye on them.”

Nik relents. “I promise. But let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

“Yeah…” Sighing, he turns back to the window. “...let’s hope.”

******

It’s after midnight when he returns to the suite; quietly letting himself into the bedroom and then navigating the space by way of the moonlight streaming through the gaps in the curtains. Slipping out of his clothes and tossing them in the open suitcase near the window, he gingerly pulls the blankets back and slips in next to her. A hand on her stomach as he presses his front to her back; eyes closing as he buries his face in her hair and inhales deeply. Taking in that familiar scent. Desperately needing the comfort. The closeness.

“You’re making a habit of this,” Esme teases, her voice quiet, laced with sleep. And she pushes her fingers through his; giving an initial squeeze and then tightly holding his hand. “Coming to bed really late.”

“I’m sorry.” He presses a kiss to the nape of her neck. “It ran longer than I thought it would.”

“Everything went okay? There’s no major changes I need to know about?”

“The plan’s staying the same. I’m not hundred percent on board with it, but considering there’s no other options…”

“Nik wouldn’t take unnecessary risks. With either of us. If she’s adamant that this is the only way it can go…”

“I think I’m just being paranoid. If it wasn’t you and Millie caught up in all this, I’d just go with whatever idea Nik drew up. But seeing as it’s so personal…”

“But do you feel better about things? Then you did last night? Because that spooked me; you questioning everything and not having a lot of confidence in how it’s going to go down. You’re not like that. Not when it comes to the job.”

“This isn’t just any job,” he reminds her.

“You’re going to have to try and focus. You’re going to put your feelings on the back burner and just go with your instincts. Pretend that this IS just like any other job. Because that’s what I need from you. When the time comes. I need THAT Tyler.”

“I’m fucking trying, believe me. But it’s a lot easier said than done.”

“I trust you. To get it together. When it comes to work, you’ve always been able to shut everything else out. Maybe not get rid of it entirely, but at least put it on the back burner. You’re going to have to treat this like it IS just another job.”

“You have a lot of faith in me. You always have.”

“Well, someone needs to.” She rolls over onto her side, eyes briefly closing as he places a kiss on her brow). “How DID it go?”

“It went. We finalized things. And got some loose ends tied up.”

“So that means you’re more confident? About how things are going to go?”

“Yeah…” Leaning in, he nuzzles her temple with the tip of her nose and then pecks her cheek. “...much more.”

“Everything’s going to go nice and smooth,” she enthuses. “According to plan. We’re not going to have any setbacks, no one is going to fuck anything up, people aren’t going to get in our way. Things are going to be perfect and uncomplicated.”

“When did the roles suddenly reverse? Aren’t I normally the one trying to convince you?”

“I can admit, I am usually a touch neurotic…”

“That’s the understatement of the century.”

“...and you are usually the one talking me down off a ledge. But I feel good about this. I feel like everything is going to be fine. That we won’t have any roadblocks. We’ll just get the hell out of here…”

“While I want to share your optimism, when do things ever go smoothly? On the job?”

“I mean, I’ve had a couple of gigs that weren’t major disasters. They weren’t flawless by any stretch of the imagination, but…”

“Remember Dhaka? How easy we thought it would be? After I got a hold of Ovi? That we’d get him to the boat, and we’d be free and clear? Do you remember that?”

“Unfortunately, very well.”

“Believe me, I WANT this to go nice and smooth. No hiccups, no one getting in my way and trying to stop us from leaving. I want that more than anything. But you’ve said it yourself; these people don’t accept defeat easily. They’re not just going to roll over if we DO get out of her.”

“WHEN we get out of here,” she gently corrects. “WHEN.”

“I just don’t want you putting all your eggs in one basket. It’s good to be confident and optimistic, but…”

“It can lead to bad decisions. Stupid mistakes. You get too cocky…”

“Just err on the side of caution, yeah? That’s all I’m asking.”

“Are you asking or telling? Because if it’s the latter, you’re starting your bossiness a little early. I technically don’t have to listen to you until it’s ‘go time’.”

“Who are you trying to kid? You’re not even going to listen to me AFTER that.”

“I promise I will be on my best behaviour.”

“I know what your best behaviour is. And while it’s a step up…”

“I will be completely unproblematic. I will listen to every word the big, bad, mercenary man has to say.”

Grinning, he presses a feathery to the corner of her mouth. “You are so full of shit.”

“You just want to be the boss of me,” she chides and wraps both arms around his neck. “You don’t get to wear the pants very often, but when you do…”

“I wear the pants all the time.”

“You keep telling yourself that. Everyone knows I’m the one in charge. That I’m the boss. I just let you take over every now and then. Stroke your ego. Feed your masculinity.”

“You’re just a regular bleeding heart.”

“And, there are times I DO like you being all aggressive and assertive and bossy. You have to admit, it’s always at the best possible times. The naked ones. Not even you can deny that’s your favourite time to be in charge.”

“I’ll admit to nothing.”

“You don’t have to. The evidence speaks for itself.”

“What evidence is that?”

“I’d say eleven inches poking me in the stomach, or the ass is usually all the proof I need.”

“Eleven? Come on now…”

“Ten and a half? Ten?”

“You are really good for my ego.”

“We’ll have to get an official number. An accurate measurement. I’m sure we’ll be able to track down a tape measure or a ruler when we get to Australia. Inquiring minds want to know.”

“You’re an odd duck, you know that?”

“I like my weirdness. All my quirks and eccentricities. You’ve missed them. Over the course of the last five years. Admit it.”

“I have, actually. I’ve missed a lot of things.” Hooking a finger under her chin, he tilts her face upwards; covering her mouth with his in a long, soft kiss. So pure and beautiful; nothing hurried or aggressive, nor teeming with unbridled lust or overwhelming want and need. A kiss at its most innocent point: adoring, tender, languid. Yet somehow enough to curl her toes and take her breath away.

She gives a sigh when it ends, her eyes remaining closed when he rolls over onto his back; settling her much smaller, lighter frame on top of his.

For five years, she’d longed for this; the smoothness of his skin and the hardness of his muscles. The way his calloused fingers tip continuously skim up and down her spine, his familiar scent and the sound of his voice and how she is able to feel its rumbling deep within his chest. Desperately missing him nearly every second of every day; wanting nothing more than to pick up the phone and beg and plead for forgiveness and end up in his life and his arms and his bed once again. But it had always seemed so far out of reach; believing she was past redemption. Even if he could accept her running away, there was no way he’d ever forgive her for keeping his daughter a secret. Not after the tremendous loss he’d already suffered; still wracked with guilt, regret, and profound grief when it came to the death of his son.

****

“Did you talk to Millie?” His fingertips drift down her spine and briefly settle at the small of her back; a lone fingertip commencing the tracing of the elaborate tattoo that stretches from one hip to the other. “About going with Alcott.”

“I was going to do it tomorrow. Well, today now. After breakfast.”

“I want to be there. When you tell her. I mean, as long as you’re okay with that.”

“Of course, I’m okay with it. You’re her father.”

“Only she doesn’t know what, does she? She has no clue.”

“We’ve talked about this. About when we’re going to tell her. I thought we agreed that…”

“She asked me about him today. Her dad.”

“What do you mean she asked about him? She brought him up out of nowhere? Why did she want to know? What…?”

“She asked me if I thought he’d like her. When she got to meet him. Can you imagine being a little kid and wondering something like that? If your old man is even going to WANT you?”

“No. I can’t even begin to imagine that.”

“She’s four years old. And she’s asking stuff like THAT? She’s worried that she’s going to meet him and he’s going to hate her? Find her a nuisance? Think she’s too loud and too messy and…”

“A bit too much,” Esme finishes for him. “She said that to me once. When she asked about him. About YOU. She said she was worried he’d find her annoying. I just chalked it up to Alessio being a total prick to her. I didn’t think she really felt that way. About herself.”

“She’s just a little girl. And she's carrying around shit like that? How could you have him around her? How could you put her through it? Him treating her like that?”

“I didn’t have a choice. I was in the middle of a job, and if I let my guard down or he found exactly who I was…”

“You should have told Nik you wanted out. The second he started treating Millie like that. As soon as he tried breaking her spirit, that should have been it. You should have got the fuck out of there. She didn’t deserve any of it. Being treated like that.”

“I thought we weren’t going to do this.” Moving away from him, she slaps and shoves his hands away when he tries to prevent her from sitting up. “Not here. Not right now. I thought we were going to wait until we were in Australia and somewhat settled before we talked about all of this. I thought…”

Sitting up, he stretches out his legs and leans back against the headboard. “I can’t do it, Esme. I can’t pretend that everything’s okay. That I’m not pissed off. That I’m not hurt. Do you know what it’s like? When everyone around you has a bigger role in your own kid’s life? All people tell me about is what Millie was like as a baby, all the things that they’ve done for her and with her.”

“They’re not telling you those things to hurt you. They’re just sharing what they know about her. So you can get to know her better.”

“All I hear from people is how they’re her family.”

“It’s because they are. Maybe not a conventional one, but…”

“I’M her family. You didn’t make that baby alone. And I didn’t see any of them making that kid with you either. So unless there’s someone you’re not telling me about…”

“Don’t do that. Say shit like that. I know you’re upset. And you have every right to be. I’ve never once tried to take that away from you. Or tried to downplay it. But you have no reason to question whether or not she belongs to you. Just look at her! She IS you! From head to toe. You’re just lashing out and trying to hurt me, and you know exactly how to do it.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m…”

“Just admit it, Tyler. Just admit that there’s a part of you that wants to punish me. Make me pay for what I did to you. I’m not going to judge you or hate you for it. I get it, alright? I did a horrible thing; keeping Millie away from you. And you have every right to want to punish me for that.”

“No. I don’t. I’m not like that. I’m not that kind of person. I would never hurt you.”

“I see it in you, sometimes. I’ll catch you looking at me a certain way. And I’ll see it; all this hurt and anger that you’ve got built inside of you. So just tell me the truth. I’m a big girl. I know my mistakes. I admit to them. I own them. So don’t…”

“I don’t want to fight, Esme. That’s not why I brought any of this up. That’s not why…”

“If you didn’t want to fight, you wouldn’t have thrown Millie in my face like that. You don’t think I know how badly I fucked up? Bringing her into that kind of life? You think I don’t feel like complete and utter shit for what happened? What she went through? What she KEEPS going through? You think I like any of this? Having to hide here? Having to hire a fucking mercenary to get us out here and…”

“So that’s how you see me. That’s all you see me as?”

“I never said. Don’t put words in my mouth. I’ve never seen you as JUST that. It’s part of you, but it’s not ALL of you. And I’ve never once thought it was. Who was the one who always talked you down? Every time you’d mention that you did nothing but kill people for a living? Who was the one person that reminded you that you did so much more? Who always tried to convince you that you weren’t the monster you saw yourself as?”

“You.”

“I stayed on that bridge because you deserved a second chance. Because you made your amends. And selfishly, I stayed because I wanted more of you. I wanted more time. I wanted all those plans that we made; I wanted to travel and see the world and fall in love. With YOU.”

“It didn’t exactly go that way, did it.”

“No. It didn’t. But you know what? What we had was good. It was so good. It wasn’t perfect. But neither are we. We had what we needed, and that was enough. We were happy. Weren’t we?”

“We were.”

“I love you. I have always loved you. I always WILL love you. So don’t you ever accuse me of anything else. And never…and I mean never…try and tell me I don’t love my daughter. OUR daughter.”

“I would never say that.” He slides down the bed and reaches for her when she begins to cry; frowning when she pushes him away and stands. Moving to the table in front of the window and leaning back against it; sniffling noisily as she wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be honest. I need that from you, okay? I know you’re afraid of hurting me; it’s why you won’t just come right out and tell me how you’re really feeling or what’s really going on in your head. But I NEED that, Tyler. Because until you’re truthful about it, I can’t start to make amends. How can I move on and heal when you won’t even acknowledge what I did to you?

“I don’t understand why you need me to be angry. Why..?”

“Because it’s holding me accountable. For what I did. I don’t want you coddling me and holding my hand and patting me on the head and treating me like I’m some fragile little thing. Do you think I’m not going to love you? If you’re honest about everything? Is that what you’re afraid of?”

“I don’t know,” he admits, and swings his legs over the side of the bed. “I guess. Maybe? I don’t want you to think I hate you. Because I don’t. I never could.”

“I know you love me. I know it without you even having to say it. It’s in everything you do. It’s like those five years never even happened. The way you look at me and the way you touch and kiss me and make love to me. It’s like none of the bad stuff ever happened. And I don’t know what I did to deserve that. The way you feel about me. Or if I even DO deserve it. But I don’t question it. Sometimes it’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“I just don’t see what good can come of it. Me just letting it all out. I don’t understand why you need me to be out there with it. Why can’t you just let me deal with this alone and…”

“That’s the old Tyler. The one that existed BEFORE me. He’s the one that died on that bridge. You’re not HIM. And you haven’t been him in a long time.”

“Maybe I went back to it. Being him. During the last five years.”

“There’s no way. Because you weren’t happy. Being that way. Being HIM. And you worked way too hard after Dhaka. To become better and DO better. There’s no way you’d go back to that.”

“I think you have way too much faith in me.”

“I think you don’t have enough. You would never go back to being like that. I know you. I know your heart. I know…”

“You don’t know a thing about my heart. And you know why? Because you broke it. You fucking tore it out of my chest and stomped all over it. And you expect it to be what it was before you did that?”

“If you were the old Tyler, you wouldn’t have stayed. When you found out I was the one that hired you. You would have turned around and walked out, and that would have been it.”

“I would have stayed. For Millie. I would have done it for her.”

“No, you wouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have mattered. Millie or no Millie, you would have left. The old Tyler? The one with the death wish? The one who didn’t give a fuck about anything except catching a bullet? He would have been long gone.”

“I would have never walked away from her. Even if I wanted to walk away from you, I’d never turn my back on my own kid. I did that once. I wouldn’t do it again. I learned the first time.”

“Is that why you’re here? Why you REALLY want things to work with us? Is that…?”

“I wouldn’t be sharing a bed with you and fucking you. Don’t insult me like that. I know I can be a real dick sometimes, but I’d never lower myself to that. And I would never use you. No matter how pissed off I am.”

“I was just asking. I was just…”

“I’m here because I love you. Because even though you ripped my heart out of my fucking chest and ruined my life, I still want you. In every way. And maybe that makes me a fucking idiot. Maybe I’m just pathetic. A simp. I don’t know. But I love you, and I never stopped loving you. Millie? She’s just this extra piece. This fucking amazing, beautiful, perfect piece.”

“She is pretty amazing, isn’t she.”

“I would never…EVER…accuse you of not loving her. I see you with her. Your entire face lights up when she walks in the room. And every time she hugs you or tells you she loves you or even just calls you ‘mummy’? To me, you’re beautiful all the time. But when she does those things? You’re the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you.”

“She’s my baby. I had wanted to be a mom for so long. And you gave me the chance. You gave me HER. And I could thank you enough for that. For giving me her. Because aside from you, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I know you love her. More than you love yourself. More than you love me. And that’s how it should be. You’re an amazing mum; no one could ever deny that. Or say anything different. Everything you’ve done for her; taking care of her on your own, keeping her safe, managing to bring up this awesome little human. You know how many women wouldn’t have even had her? Considering the circumstances?”

“There was no way I wasn’t going through with it. She was my connection to you. My ONLY connection.”

“Thank you, Esme. Maybe that sounds weird; considering I AM angry and I AM hurt. But thank you. For her. I know it wasn’t the most conventional of ways to find out I’m a dad. But still. Thank you.”

“Please don’t say that. Not after everything I did. Please don’t…”

“She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t have gotten a second chance at this; at being a dad. It’s just the truth.”

Sniffling, she uses the bottom of her t-shirt to wipe away her tears. “You’ve always been nothing if not honest.”

“You broke us. What we had? You destroyed that. And you’re right; it wasn’t perfect. But it WAS good. It was so fucking good.”

“And now? You don’t think it’s good NOW? You don’t think we can get back to that?”

“I don’t want to go back to that. I want to be BETTER than that. We’re not those same two people anymore. We’ve both changed. Mostly for the better, I like to think. Do you want that? For things to be even better?”

Esme nods. “That’s all I want.”

“Then just look at me and tell me why. Why did it have to get to this? Why did five years have to go by? Why…?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”

“That’s not an acceptable answer for anyone over seven, and you know it.”

“I was scared. I was selfish. I was so worried about being rejected. And I couldn’t get past that feeling. That fear.”

“I never would have rejected you. Or her.”

“Logically, I knew that. But sometimes, logic isn’t an easy thing to come by.”

“How could you do that to me? Leave like that? After everything we’d been through. After nine months in that fucking hospital. Three quarters of a year, you stayed there. You fought for me. You were the only one who didn’t give up. And then you go and do something like THAT? Just leave?”

“I wanted to protect you. You’d already been through so much. You shouldn’t even have been alive. But you WERE. And I didn’t want it on my conscience; losing you because of something I did.”

“You didn’t do anything. You thought you were in the free and clear. You were told that you were. Long before you met me. It wasn’t your fault; that The High Table went against their own ruling and came for you. You know that, yeah?”

“I think I do. I think I know that.”

“Why didn’t you just give me a chance? To get you out of that fucking mess? I would have done anything to protect you. If that meant packing up and moving thousands of miles away and hiding out? I would have done it. And if they found us, we would have packed up and found somewhere else to hide. Other people could have dealt with it. The bullshit here.”

“I didn’t even think of that at the time. I was more worried that you’d try and go against them. Physically.”

“Esme, I knew my limits. I was clinically dead a year before. Do you really think I thought I stood a chance against The High Table? Alone? I know I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but give me SOME credit.”

“You always said you’d do anything for me. To keep me safe. Why wouldn’t I think that?”

“If you had told me what happened…with The Adjudicator…we could have talked about all of this. Avoided you taking off. But you didn’t even give me a chance.”

“I just wanted to protect you.”

“And I love you for that. For thinking you had to. But you didn’t just ruin my life when you left. You ruined yours, too. That’s not protecting me. You should have known that’s the last thing I would want. Hurting yourself like that.”

“It’s just such a mess,” she tearfully laments. “A big fucking mess.”

“And if that wasn’t bad enough? You couldn’t even let me know that you were alive. That something horrible hadn’t happened to you. Do you know what’s been going through my head? For five years? The horrible, gross shit it came up with? Even if you didn’t want me back, the least you could have done was let me know you were alright.”

“I fucked up. Badly. I’m the first to admit that.”

“And then you got Nik and Yaz involved. They’ve had to lie for you. Do you really think that was fair? Getting them tied up in this shit? All you had to do was let me know you were alright. You didn’t have to drag it on. Make things even worse.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I was keeping you safe. I had the best of intentions. I did. But…”

“Even after things settled? And there was no trouble? You still thought there was a reason to keep me safe?”

She shakes her head. “That was just me being a stupid, selfish bitch.”

“You should have told me about Millie. You know everything about me. Every ugly, deep, dark secret. I’ve never hid anything from you. Especially when it comes to my son and what I did. I was always honest about that. Right from day one. In Dhaka. And you knew I wanted to be a dad again. We talked about it. Having kids. I was scared shitless, but I was willing, wasn’t I?”

Esme nods.

“And yet you kept her from me. For five years. You knew I wanted another kid. That I wanted a chance to do things right. Yet you couldn’t even tell me about her.”

“I didn’t do it to hurt you. I WAS going to tell you. I was going to bring her to Australia. Right to your doorstep. After this job was done…”

“It shouldn't have taken this long. You know there was no reason… REAL reason…to keep her from me. Were you scared? The fact you had a kid with a mercenary? One that’s burned a lot of bridges and…”

“No! That never even crossed my mind. I knew what you were. It was never a secret. I knew what you did for a living. It’s how we MET. And I never once worried about you being her dad.”

“So it was just you being scared. Of being rejected.”

“That’s all it was. I’m telling the truth, Tyler. I know I kept a lot of secrets and I’ve told a lot of lies, and I even made a living out of doing things. But I am telling you the truth. That is the ONLY reason.”

He nods slowly, considering her words. “I believe you.”

“I am so sorry. For everything I’ve done. For hurting you like I did. And I know I can’t go back in time and change it, but…”

“No. You can’t. And I wouldn’t even ask you to. Change one thing, it changes everything. I’ve always said that.”

“...but I can spend the rest of my life making up for it. Or at least trying to.”

“You don’t have to. I don’t want you holding onto this for forty, fifty years. Or more. That’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you. I want US. I want to get married. As soon as possible. I want us to raise Millie together. Be a real family. That has normal jobs and fairly normal lives.”

“That’s what I want, too. I want you to be my husband. I want you to be able to be Millie’s dad. Not have to hide it. I want us to have a home and a nice little backyard with chickens and goats and…”

“And more babies. I want more babies.”

“How many more? I do have to draw the line somewhere.”

“I don’t know. Three. Four.”

“You just want to wreck my vagina, don’t you. You’re determined to do it.”

“Why would I ever want to ruin my favourite part of you?”

She gives a derisive snort.

“I’m kidding.” He holds out a hand; a silent request for her to join him on the edge of the bed. And he gathers her close when she sinks down beside him; both arms wrapping around her tiny frame as he drops a kiss on the top of her head. “It’s not my most favourite. Second favourite, maybe…”

Laughing, she playfully elbows him in the stomach, then tilts her face up towards him. “Do you feel better? Getting all that out?”

“Shockingly, yeah.”

“Me too.”

He kisses her softly; the long and languid press of closed mouth upon closed mouth. “I meant what I said. Five years ago. When I told you that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

“I’ve never doubted it.”

“I will get you out of here. Away from this place. This life. And I’ll stop at nothing to make that happen.”

“I believe you.”

“You’ll never have to think about it again. It’ll just be us. And Millie. We’ll make a new life. The one we were supposed to have. Before this all happened.”

Smiling, she presses a series of feathery pecks along his jaw, then rests her head on his shoulder. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

[granvarones]

The first time I heard the euro-pop sensation Aqua’s Barbie Girl was in the summer of 1997, at a party We The People organized in Clementon Park, New Jersey. The DJ was mixing bona fide house hits with contemporary jams. I remember this so vividly because I watched someone do “hand performance” to the song that was a newly minted hit. This was also one of those moments that I definitely knew I was gay because I felt like Barbie Girl was composed for LGBTQ folks; not sure how I came to that conclusion, but it just felt gay. I was 13 years old, journeying through puberty and trying to understand myself, but I recognized the subtle ways queer culture could be found in pop music. And now, more than 25 years since I first heard Barbie Girl, it remains a song that resonates and reminds me of what is remembered, who has gone, and the richness of their lives.

We The People was an AIDS service organization in Philadelphia, serving the most vulnerable HIV positive community, and my mother Melody E. Beverly worked there. Most of the organization’s service population was Black and brown people, people who inject drugs, and housing-insecure people with an AIDS diagnosis. It had a brick-and-mortar building at the corner of Broad and Lombard Street. Now a Taqueria with its own controversial history, at the end of the 1990s, it held precious work of caring for the community, with housing units atop, with an industrial-style kitchen. I remember this because I loved volunteering with building residents, preparing and cooking meals. I also had a thing for the biscuits that were often there.

On a hot day in the summer of ‘97, my mother and I arrived to begin boarding a bus to head over to the party at Clementon Park, which also included barbeque. While waiting to board the bus, I overheard Curtis speaking to a Black man who seemed exhausted if he had been taking AZT. This was a year after HAART was established as a standard for HIV care, and people were taking what we now know to be toxic medicine to manage their HIV. The introduction of highly active antiretroviral therapy, or combination therapy, would mean that people who had been living with HIV could live longer lives. I always think about that moment of Curtis checking in with a community member about his health when navigating my own care. I still appreciate the way it was normalized as a communal approach to medicine adherence. Curtis was my mother’s supervisor. He was a charismatic Black gay man with a bald head. Curtis was the sweetest and most sincere person. He was also a drag performer, I had seen him perform for a holiday party and was in awe of him.

Aqua, a Danish musical group, released their single Barbie Girl in April 1997, from their debut album Aquarium that was released in March of the same year. The track has a synth-pop-house vibe to it, with bubblegum vocals from lead singer Lene, who plays Barbie in the music video for the song. René, another band member, plays Ken, in a campy and hilarious capture of a Barbie world; it does a beautiful job of both bringing humanity to a plastic doll and making the cringey nature of American consumerism visible in a funny way. This is ironic, because during a 2017 interview for Nylon Lene disclaims its politics and sexist overtones by stating that “it was kind of making fun of the Pamela Anderson kind-of girl” and says the song is “super-innocent.” To me, Barbie Girl now appears to be making a statement about bodily autonomy and misogyny. With the incessant lyric, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world.” This song makes me think about people who lived with HIV, like Curtis, who were living full and flourishing lives at a tender and promising point in the ongoing AIDS crisis.

Barbie Girl topped global charts and was part of a musical era that included the resurgence of unapologetic bubblegum pop music, led in part by the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, a year earlier. Barbie Girl peaked at number 7 on the US Billboard Hot 100.

Now the song has a new life in the context of Barbie, the anticipated movie featuring Margot Robbie as the title character original Barbie. Barbie World, a rap track by Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice for the Barbie soundtrack, samples Barbie Girl in a perfect way. I’m most certain Barbie Girl will have a second life on TikTok and a new generation will be embraced by the gummy-gayness of late nineties music, and remember that there were people who existed then, plagued by an epidemic that rendered their stories untold. They too are Barbie Girls, even in their afterworlds, they paved the way for us to live fantastically in the skin we’re in.

Signed, a Barbie Girl from the nineties.

I’m always yours Xx

Abdul-Aily Muhammad ( @mxabdulaliy )

They/Them/Thiers

gran varones Mentor

Philadelphia, PA

[dark-nekofear]

tagged by @kukiyuuri ur so sweet ty for the tag <3

ONE. Are you named after anyone?

*Office stare* whatever gave u that impression? :3c

yea my queer ass swiped Roxas' name as my own. I had a major identity crisis after leaving a cult a decade ago so it kinda felt fitting to pick the name with his own history with cults & identity issues hehe

2. When was the last time you cried?

couple days ago, tho I have a very hard time crying anymore. thaaaat's probs not good ^^;; I used to be a huge crybaby.

3. Do you have kids?

thankfully not. I'm enough work as is tyvm

4. What sports do you play? have you played?

I played street hockey with my neighbors quite a bit growing up, tho it was rather short-lived when they suddenly had a problem with playing with a girl (boy do I have news for them). in high school I joined the tennis team. I wasn't stellar at it but I had a blast. wish there were more opportunities to play but that requires other ppl wanting to play.

these days I've been reconnecting with my childhood love of rollerblading. I'm close to being as good as I used to be which is so exciting cuz there's so much I never mastered! so I'm about to cross over into new territory!

5. Do you use sarcasm?

what's sarcasm? ovo

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

looking at the world thru an artist's lens, I notice things like posture, expression, body language first. which can tell u a lot about a person in the moment without a word being spoken.

7. What's your eye color?

blue! I think they're turning gray as I get older which is kinda cool but also a little sad.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

depends on my mood; both are good. so long as the story is told well anything goes really.

9. Any talents?

I suffer from the good at the arts but bad at everything modern society deems useful disease. my main talent is probs drawing, writing coming second (if I ever get the spoons to do it again). I'm also decent at singing with my long history with choir & leading worship services.

10. Where were u born?

the most boring place on earth -- the US Midwest. Siri, play "Sidewalks" by Story of the Year.

11. What are your hobbies?

a lot of my free time lately has been getting back into studying languages. I'm mostly focused on Japanese atm but I'm also at an intermediate level in German & conversational in ASL.

I game quite a bit too, primarily retro games. *screaming crying throwing up that PS2-era is now considered retro* seldom do I play things upon release except of KH.

oh, I'm also a casual fashion doll collector (mostly Barbie & Monster High). old media as well (vhs, retro games, music, etc). lost media & preservation of the arts in general really interests me.

I play guitar a bit too but lol I suck at it.

other hobbies previously touched on in earlier q's include drawing, skating, singing & writing. :3c

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a kitty! she's a dilute calico & a huge diva cuz she knows she's gorgeous. she's loud af just like me & loves talking to her fave humans in the sassiest tone possible.

13. How tall are u?

not tall enough. 165cm

14. Favorite subjects in school?

German (easily my best subject), art & English.

15. Dream job?

I've been thinking a lot about circling back to an old dream job. something utilizing my knack for picking up languages. maybe interpreting or teaching? I'd really like to go back to school so I can maybe have a decent shot at something overseas. where? I'm still deciding. being trans kinda complicates it a bit. with that in mind & having several instances of homelessness this past decade I've concluded the US isn't a viable place for me to continue living. I have a unique opportunity to rebuild rn & I intend to utilize it. even if that means allowing my art to return to being just a hobby.

ahh! sorry I'm totally ending this on a bummer note huh? uhh uhh... puppies! think of puppies!! & kitties!!!

anyway, I'll tag uhh... whoever wants to do this? >w<; u can obvi say I tagged ya.

[orionsangel86]

Hey so does anyone have any more info as to where this bit of speculation on twitter has come from?

Personally I want to assume its utter horseshit made up by Twitter in an attempt to make a hit tweet for the masses buuuuut if it IS true I would be sorely disappointed in the show...

Since Netflix hasn’t even agreed to call “more episodes of Sandman” an actual “Season 2″ for starters its clear this is a stretch. Though I CAN see the Netflix showrunners wanting to spend more time focusing on the Morpheus-centric storylines.

However I think this would be a huge mistake. The comics have a nice pattern to them where we get a Morpheus-centric arc followed by an arc centered around other characters, with some one-off stories dotted about inbetween.

1. Preludes and Nocturns - Dream’s capture, escape, and recovery

2. The Dolls House - Rose Walker discovers she is the vortex, chaos ensues.

3. Season of Mists - Dream’s quest to save Nada from Hell, and all that follows.

4. A Game of You - Barbie has some dangerously life threatening dreams.

5. Brief Lives - Morpheus and Delirium go on a road trip

6. Worlds End - A bunch of travellers find themselves stuck in a mysterious inn.

7. The Kindly Ones - the culmination of the previous 6 main story arcs and climax of the story. (Morpheus-centric - obvs)

(The one off story sequences found in Dream Country, Distant Mirrors and Convergence I’m not including because whilst important, they don’t follow the major story arc structures and tend not to be Morpheus-centric anyway)

Following this structure in the show should be simple. We have half a “season” following Dream, and half a season focused on another character but with heavy involvement from Dream. The only reason I can even begin to imagine them skipping straight to Brief Lives is because they want to “skip to the good bits” because they are fearful they may not get the chance to adapt the whole story (is Netflix going to pull their usual asshole stunt and cancel after a season 3 hmm?)

Also, I think Neil Gaiman knows all too well how desperate people are to see Wanda’s character brought to life in the show. Skipping a Game of You because it’s not “Morpheus-centric” is a bad move imo. Besides, a Game of You is also an important growth arc for Morpheus as ultimately it is about the death and decay of a certain distance skerry of the Dreaming where he pulled a Mr Rochester and hid an old girlfriend/wife/queen in the “attic” so to speak. Having to face Alianora so soon after facing both Nada AND Calliope is IMPORTANT and I won’t accept its erasure from the story the show is telling us.

Besides, it also kinda goes some way to explain why he then falls into a bad rebound relationship with Thessaly (though whether or not that will be adapted remains to be seen).

Of course it could also just be a reordering of the stories, but that makes even less sense as it would mean adapting Game of You AFTER Brief Lives which would surely lead us to a “season” with just story arcs that don’t focus on Morpheus.

Either way its a bizarre choice. So I’m calling bullshit. Whilst I can certainly see the show tweaking the storylines and maybe expanding and changing certain elements (I am still very curious to see if the Lucifer/Azazel threat at the end of the show will lead to a more “epic” conflict within Season of Mists than just Lucifer handing over a key), I can’t see the whole story structure being switched out, removed, or mixed up. It wouldn’t flow right and I doubt very much Neil would butcher his own work that way.

The other reason this so called bit of news is bullshit is because Brief Lives alone is long enough to take up an entire “season”. We don’t exactly know how many more episodes Netflix has commissioned at this stage, though if we do assume it will be another 11 episodes like season 1, that should give us enough time to adapt Season of Mists and A Game of You. Brief Lives should be “season 3″ on its own. It is in Brief Lives that we should get all the Orpheus stories, including The Song of Orpheus and Thermidor, AND all the flashbacks involving Destruction.

At the end of the day, I am pretty sure that everyone involved in the show is going to remain very tight lipped about the structure and what we can expect. I am sure if someone asked Neil Gaiman about this, he would tell you not to listen to random twitter accounts that don’t provide sources.

Anyway, to make sure I wasn’t missing some actual important leak, I scoured the internet searching for a source for this rumour, and found nothing. Instead I did find a ScreenRant article that was updated 4 days ago with everything they know about the show’s future episodes, and we all know how much Screenrant loves to jump on a rumour if it has any basis in fact. Anyway the most that article gives is news from Mason that shooting begins in the summer and more hints about the shows structure not following conventional streaming shows (understandable since its an anthology and I am convinced they will release it story arc at a time with a few random eps released in one offs like Midsummer Nights Dream). What this article DID remind me of, is that both Boyd Holbrook and Jenna Coleman both hinted at returning soon. This is MUCH more interesting to me than any dumb twitter rumour because it leans into my theory than Constantine will get brought into stories where she (he in the comics) does not appear. Also the Corinthian being remade earlier than The Kindly Ones delights me and I can’t wait to see what they have planned for him.

If anyone does have any idea about where this rumour came from please let me know, and please feel free to add on your own thoughts and speculations. I love talking Sandman and am always happy when other people share in my hyperfixations :)

[kiddiekat-toybox]

Oh no I’m starting to get a bit into LOL OMG too I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER DOLL LINE TO COLLECT

[pear-pies]

XL Magazine - Year 2 Issue 7 March 2007

This scan was shared by the incredibly generous @shinybrandon 💖💖💖

Translation under the cut

XL year 2 issue 7 march 2007

Caption under pic: “Andy Warhol was right: press shouldn’t be read, but judged on weight. It doesn’t matter what they write, only that they write. At this point i only look at the pictures”

Despite the recent fatherhood the singer didn’t change: he hates the press, takes care of his appearance and still writes lyrics like a teenager with an identity crisis (mostly sexual). And threatens: “we are like those bad aromas that won’t go away”

PLACEBO

Brian Molko is now a dad (how come, wasn’t he gay?)

By Simona Siri

Glancing distractedly at Brian Molko you wouldn’t tell that almost a decade passed since their first single Nancy boy. You need to take a more careful look at his hair - way less thick than once - and the foundation in excess to cover the first wrinkles and that makes him look like a doll (speaking of which: i wonder how no toy manufacturer never thought about making a doll with his resemblance like beyoncè with barbie. In my opinion it would sell). 

Even if years have passed, the granitic determination in which Placebo have gone through this period of time staying basically identical to themselves is a quality that should be acknowledged. Despite the appearance still too much resembling a teenager with a sexual identity crisis, Molko just had a son, Cody, with his partner, the photographer Helena Berg, and spends most of his free time navigating between nappies and baby bottles (“it’s like juggling: you need to learn how to throw multiple balls in air simultaneously. In a way it’s fun”). He still attends parties, “the issue”, he says, “is that now to recover from an all nighter i need double the time. Compared to the past I also work more and there’s less time to have fun”. 

In fact he seems like someone who isn’t having fun at all. He talks with the same passion of an accountant telling you the amount of how many taxes you need to pay. He’s docile and tame, that for sure, so far away from the hot head everyone paints him but you can also tell he couldn’t care less. I try to tease him by asking him what is the secret of their longevity, ten years doing music isn’t for everyone, but he doesn’t react. He shrugs and says that the only true secret is to ignore the press. “I think like Andy Warhol: press shouldn’t be read, but judged by weight. It doesn’t matter what they write, only that they write. I don’t even read the articles about us. I only look at the pictures. If they are good then everything is fine for me”. 

A brilliant idea, only if it works both ways: they can ignore the press and we can ignore what they write in their songs. Except you end up reading their lyrics eventually and you can find all the Placebo thinking as we know it with their most classic themes: solitude, teenage confusion, depression and substance abuse. But what, wasn’t being told they grew up and now that they are adults their priorities changed? 

“Life changes, but your fears and insecurities not so much. The things that make you angry or vulnerable don’t change. And I don't think there’s a direct link between your state of mind and your life”. Perhaps Placebo and in particular Molko grew fond to their imagine so much they got suffocated by it and fell into the most trivial of sexual ambiguity cliché. “Truth is there isn’t anyone who is going to hand you the handbook on how not to turn into a cliché. The only way to not look ridiculous is to work hard, being in a band is not enough. We are all cliches as human beings, including myself”. 

Resign yourself that even if Molko is now a thirty something with a 5 months old son he writes sentences like “It’s in the pills that you pick up” or “I’ll find no solace in your apology”, the most striking news is perhaps the music itself. The new album (called Meds and that has to do with all the kind of anaesthetics people use to make their life more bearable) seems to go into a different direction compared to the previous ones. “We discovered a simpler way to make a record and this gave us great satisfaction. We wanted to discover the pleasure of playing together again. Perhaps we make ourselves more vulnerable but we feel we are strong enough to do so”. 

Now that even the most hated British press seem to take them seriously, changing paths is a brave choice. “We never followed trends. After all, how can you be trendy for ten years? Our only quality is to always be here, like those bad aromas that never go away. Translated: in ten years we will still be here, get used to it. 

[marzipanandminutiae]

I’m one of the people who’s a bit spooked by older dolls; my beloved late aunt collected Shirley Temples in bad shape with the intent of restoring them, and they usually got to convalesce in the room I stayed in until then. It was formative in the most unfortunate sense, ha. But I’m really curious to hear about your Mademoiselle Leonore - what age group would she have been intended for, originally? Would they have seen her more like a friend, or as something to mother? Is she a typical model for a doll from her era, or would she have been considered old-fashioned or even new for the time?

Sorry for all the questions, you definitely don’t have to answer them all! I’m only like the anon who’s trying to think of dolls less as “eek spooky uncanny valley” and more as companions that would’ve been dearly loved. Thanks for your help in that! :)

Oh NO. Yeah, not the best way to introduce a kid to old dolls. I'm sorry you had a bad first experience with them.

(To be honest, damaged composition dolls like that sometimes creep even me out. I know they were loved too, and they have artistic value, but their eyes are just so flat and they feel so weird to the touch- not plastic, not bisque, not wood or leather, not cloth, not even rubber/gutta-percha...even earlier dolls with composition bodies and bisque heads don't trip the same Nope instinct in me. And sometimes they have TIN EYES which make scraping noises when they open and close, get yellowed, and look even flatter than the painted ones...brrrr. But! Still worthy of appreciation.)

French fashion dolls like Leonore are in a really interesting position re: intended age and common types of play. When the movement started in the 1850s in Paris, it began with dolls in the "Mode Enfantine" style- fashions for children, with the dolls meant to represent girls of perhaps 9-12.

(Doll by Huret, c. 1860, dressed in the enfantine style. Note relatively short skirt, less shaped bodice, and fluffy unstyled lamb's-wool wig.)

However, by the mid-late 1860s, the same sort of doll was beginning to be dressed as a fashionable lady, too.

(Doll by Dehors, late 1860s. Same manufacturer that made Leonore's head. Here we see a long skirt, a more sophisticated dress design, pinned-up hair, and a silhouette that mimics an adult woman's shape rather than a child's.)

The two styles existed contemporaneously for a while among French fashion dolls, with the taste for lady dolls coming to dominate in the 1870s and early 1880s. However, children will always play what they want with what they have, and one occasionally sees original French fashion trousseaus that include both opera dresses and christening gowns. It's not common, but it does happen.

And how exactly children played with these dolls was a subject of some concern among contemporary commenters. Many articles in at least American and British magazines expressed concern that Young Miss would lose her maternal instincts playing with dolls that were adults rather than babies. One particularly nauseating story I read on Google Books features some Little Sally or other throwing over her "Paris doll" at once when Mama is persuaded to buy her "a real baby-doll." Gag.

(There was also debate over whether a little girl could truly be content with ordinary outfits when her doll had such fabulous treasures as were sold for French fashions. I'm rather glad we're past the "will this doll make my child Too Worldly" hand-wringing. At least modern "will this doll damage my child's self-esteem" is well-intentioned, even if it often backfires in practice.)

So it seems like, with a few exceptions, they were mostly vehicles for girls to imagine their own futures. And interestingly, those futures were wider than simply being a wife and mother. As with Barbie, French fashions may have presented a circumscribed adult life, but it was still a life outside the home. With sporting outfits, promenade dresses, formalwear, traveling clothes, etc., the average Parisian doll of the day certainly didn't seem to be entirely focused on hearth and household.

The target age range for these dolls is a little bit murky. One generally sees them in photographs with children around ages 8 to 14, but occasionally one will be clutched in the hand of a younger child. It's hard to imagine a truly wee one working the minute fastenings of their clothing or keeping them unbroken, so I imagine they were generally for today's Barbie crowd (Monster High? Rainbow High? what's hot right now, anyway?). There are rumors of adult collectors, including Napoleon's niece Mathilde Bonaparte, but I haven't actually read the sources that information comes from to check for myself. Still, with entire miniature worlds available for these dolls, it wouldn't surprise me!

And finally, Leonore would have been considered a very fine modern doll indeed when she was new. Her jointed wooden body was a cut above the most common stuffed leather bodies, though her average size (17"/43cm) likely made her easy to find clothing for in doll shops. Collectors often now call this "size 4," after some markings consistently found on dolls, and it seems to have been the most usual size for French fashions. Though of course, there's massive variation in the "genre," from tiny 9"/22cm fairies to exhibition models that can reach 3'/91cm tall.

Rather long-winded, but I hope that answers all your questions! I'm really glad whenever I can help shed some light on my much-maligned antique darlings. Best of luck in your journey towards de-creepying dolls for yourself.

[conjurethecosmos]

Honey we need to talk - Steve Rodgers x little!reader

AN:///Hey this is my first fan fiction so please don’t be that hard on me lmao. also i just wanted to say that this isn’t a kink and I don’t write any kink related stuff. PSA age regression is a coping mechanism. If you like my work please like <3 also my asks are open so feel free to ask or suggest stories if you like :)

Word Count: 2k

(Y/N) POV

The surviving Avengers were finally coming back to the tower. Life had already changed just within the hours of the blip, but (Y/N) was alone and did not know about the blip. (Y/N) had been home at the tower safe, protected, from the terror that the avengers were fighting. She knew about Thanos and how he was trying to get all the stones, but the Avengers are the most powerful superheroes ever, they have to win, right? F.R.I.D.A.Y had been keeping watch of the currently sleeping (Y/N) making sure she was okay. The Avenger’s tower was known to be soundproof to keep the bustling sound of the city outside, which is why (Y/N) hadn’t been disturbed. The screams, screeches of cars, and general commotion of the people were not heard by the sleeping girl. F.R.I.D.A.Y did know what had happened when she lost contact with most of the avengers. She did not want to alarm (Y/N) since she had been extremely stressed out and with stress came her age regression. F.R.I.D.A.Y just did not want her to panic without anyone to physically console her since almost everyone she loved was gone. She would just wait till the remaining avengers arrived back to tell her what happened and so she could inevitably regress in the comfort of someone’s arms.

(Y/N) woke up with a yawn surrounded by scattered stuffed animals and ruffled bedsheets. The first thing that she wanted to do was to check her phone to see if Bucky, Steve, or Peter texted her to check up or send a picture of them together happy and coming home. Peter was a regressor like (Y/N) and they would always play together in the toy room conveniently located next to (Y/N)’s room. But, when she tapped on their phone it would not turn on. Even the dead battery screen that would pop up if she did forget to charge her phone the night before didn’t even pop up. So, she decided to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y what was wrong with the phone. “I am sorry (Y/N) I can not seem to turn on your phone, there doesn’t seem to be any issue with it” F.R.I.D.A.Y states. “What do you mean nothing wrong? It won’t even turn on. Ugh I guess I will have to go and get a new phone then.” (Y/N) says. That is when F.R.I.D.A.Y quickly responds “I am sorry to tell you this, but I have been advised to keep you inside for your safety.” She let out a huff and decide that she might as well get dressed. She doesn’t even know when everyone will be back, but the night before Steve called and said that they would all probably be back the following day. All she wanted to do is color and play with stuffies with Peter while Steve sat in the chair in the corner of the shared playroom reading a book.

Steve’s POV

Bucky disintegrated right before his eyes. His best friend, gone, all from a snap. Thanos had disappeared and left Steve, Natasha, Wanda, and Bruce enraged, however, what could they do. The flight back was solemn and quiet. No one dared to cry in front of each other despite the trauma accumulated today, save for Nat who sat quietly crying. Steve only looked forward to seeing his favorite person, (Y/N), which he cared for most of the time due to her tendency to regress when he is with her. He did not mind at all, in fact his caring personality just made him gravitate more towards being (Y/N)’s caregiver. His brain was going a mile a minute just thinking of how to tell (Y/N) that half the population was gone, including some people she loved so much. The avengers were informed by F.R.I.D.A.Y which avenger had sadly been blipped. That only caused the already somber mood to become worse. Steve just sat there staring at the many buttons on planes’ cockpit thinking about how (Y/N) would react to the news of Peter being gone. He was her only little friend, he was always there for her when she was having a hard day and needed to regress. They were best friends, just like Bucky and I. ‘I think I will just tell her as an adult and then take care of her if she needs to regress’ Steve thought. They then eventually started descending onto the landing pad on top of the tower.

(Y/N)’s POV

It was now about 8 pm. You kept youself occupied by cleaning since oddly enough the usual cleaner never showed up.You thought that it was weird, but assumed that the cleaner may have had the day off or something. The T.V. was also broken, like your phone it wouldn’t turn on. You could not watch the news or a movie, so you were pretty bored the whole day.  You were pulled out of your boring thoughts when you heard keys enter the lock on the front door. Steve entered first looking panicked as he looked around to see if you were there, alive. You smiled at him and gave him a big hug, which caused him to hug you tighter almost as if you would disappear right before him. Immediately, you knew it was a hard mission. I mean they were gone for weeks so it had to be hard. However, He had a look on his face that you had never seen before. “Honey we need to talk” Steve sighed. They both walked into your bedroom to talk in private. You sat down on your bed hugging your stuffed purple fluffy bunny that was won by Bucky at a fair one year. Steve got the chair by your desk and moved it to be in front of you and then sat. “So, I am sure you are wondering what happened today?” Steve asked. “Yeah kinda. I haven’t heard anything since my phone is broken and the T.V. was off” you huffed. “Sweetie there really isn’t a good way of putting this...” he hesitated for a second but then started talking again looking at you straight in the eyes, “So Thanos got all the stones and snapped his finger which caused half the population to disappear.” You then started hugging your bunny as he continued to explain which avengers were gone. Tears were already starting to spill as you shut your eyes tightly. When he mentioned that peter was gone that is when you let out a loud pained cry. Steve had to hug you, to comfort his princess. He was not sure if he should have told you that a ton of people were gone, but you needed to know. If he didn’t and you would have asked about Peter, it would probably cause him to burst into tears. You started to regress, he could tell because you started sobbing and rocking. He knew that he needed to comfort you better than just hugging you so he decided that distracting you might be better. “Princess, I know you are sad about what I told you, but I just want you to know I am here for you.” Steve calmly says. “Bu-But I wan Pete n buck” (Y/N) blubbered. “I know baby, you can cry as much as you want,” He says while placing your head on his chest. Tears stain his shirt. He was tempted to cry with you, but he knew he needed to save his tears for when he was alone. Now was the time for his princess to grieve. After you crying for about twenty-five minutes Steve grabbed your paci so you could sleep. He could tell you had regressed. He placed you on your bed to lay down with your favorite bunny stuffie in your arms. Steve decided to sleep in the chair for the night just to watch over you in case you woke in the middle of the night in need of some comfort. He sat there staring at your sleeping form silently sobbing just because of all the stress of the day. It just hit him like a wave, but he eventually fell asleep. You woke up at 2 am to use the bathroom. You looked around the nightlight lit room to find Steve passed out in a chair located in the corner of the room. You slowly walked over, stuffie in hand, to wake the superhero up. You could not go to the bathroom by yourself since she was scared Thanos would be outside her door. Not even the bravest stuffie you owned could calm your fears. You poked Steve’s thigh to wake him up. Steve looked around in a panic only to see your puffy face. “Hey doll, what does my little princess need?” he asks. “I need to go potty, but I scared to go alone...” You shyly stated. “That’s okay, come on baby.” He escorts you to the bathroom and back. “Um Stevie, could you pwease cuddle me to sleep. I scared to sleep myself?” You sheepishly ask. ”Of course my baby.”

The next morning

You had woken up small. You could only speak like a three-year-old. That was okay with Steve though because he loved caring for you. He carried you into the living room and went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and you a sippy cup with strawberry milk with a plate of mini pancakes. He turned on your favorite Disney movie while he cooked for you. Caring for you was a needed distraction. He needed to feel like he was making a difference and obviously, the events of the previous day made him feel like all his efforts of protecting America or the Earth were all for nothing. But, taking care of you was rewarding and therapeutic. “Stevie, thanks for the pancakes, dis milk is so good too!” (Y/N) exclaimed with a cute little smile. “Aw, you’re so welcome, sweetie.”

5 years later

Time had passed, (Y/N) regressed more often than ever. She was rarely ever her adult self. Thankfully Steve had set up a group talk therapy session with some survivors which (Y/N) joined every time they had a meeting. She would only talk about missing Peter while hugging a stuffie she would bring. The group members never judged her though since they all had their own coping mechanisms if they had any. She was usually really shy in front of the group since mentally she was three and really did not have that much to say in front of the strangers.

Eventually, Bruce hatched an idea to bring everyone back, which caused you to be alone again. You just stayed in the playroom alone playing with barbies or watching a movie. Steve would call you from time to time to check up on you, luckily F.R.I.D.A.Y was a great caretaker and gave you your basic needs. The Avengers were now successful in bringing everyone back. Sadly, Tony had passed away though. You attended his funeral with Steve at your side. You still hadn’t seen Peter yet but did not want to interrupt his grieving since Tony was his main caregiver and mentor. Tony was the only father figure he had and he was just gone. Steve decided it would be best to have you pick a stuffed animal at the store for Peter to keep during this hard time. You decided on a red bear with a gold ribbon on his neck. Steve had the red bear in his hands ready to gift to Peter, while you had a new Pink bear with a white bow around its neck that you named Poppy. Once the funeral was done Steve held your hand to walk up to Peter. He looked so small and in need of someone to care for him. Steve then spoke, “Peter, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and if you need (Y/N) or me, don’t hesitate. (Y/N) thought that she should get you this special bear for you to give you comfort.” He handed Peter the red bear and Peter just hugged it close. Steve knew that he was going to have to take care of Peter and (Y/N) from now on, but he was ready for it. He loved you both dearly. “I hope you like the bear Peter, I thought you would like him since he’s your favorite color. See I have a pink one like yours, we’re twins!” You said trying to distract Peter. Peter rarely ever spoke when he was little, and this wasn’t any different. He eventually accepted your gift with a tight hug as his tears fell on your shoulder. 

Time skip: a couple of months

Peter eventually moved into the tower and got a room next to yours. Steve now had two regressors to take care of now, but at least he had the aid of Bucky who would just baby sit. You were currently in your room putting on one of Steves old shirts with black leggings. His shirts made you feel even smaller since it was so baggy. Steve then quietly knocked on your door for permission to come in. “Yes?” you asked. Steve then opened the door and stepped in with his hand in Peters. Peter had a smile on his face for probably the first time in months. You smiled back and then turned to face Steve who obviously wanted to ask you something. “Are you little right now (Y/N) or are you big because Pete wants to play blocks with you?” Steve asks. You beam and excitedly say, “I wan play blocks! Pete can we make a town wif da blocks and cars and my dollys?” This just caused Peter to run and hug you. You two ran to the next room to play together. Storage containers were quickly opened and blocks were scattered to begin construction on the town. Steve watched you two play from the door with a smile on his face. 

I am sorry this story was everywhere 

[dreamingofaizawa]

Guys My Age

Title and concept inspo: Guys My Age by Hey Violet

Soft Dom! Aizawa Shouta x Medium-sized Fem! Reader

Quirkless AU

***18+ Fic***

You must be at least 18 years old to participate in this reading. If you are under the age of 18 please step out of line and find another fic. Thank you and have a good day.

Warnings: Age gap, praise kink, DD/LG dynamic and terms, use of the words daddy and sir, light bondage, overstimulation, smut. 

Word Count: 4.1k

Author’s Note: I KNOW, I know, I write a lot of Aizawa fics, and they’re all DD/LG stuff. I know, okay? It’s an obsession, I’m in love with this man. Anyway, another soft dom Aizawa, but reader isn’t very well-versed in intimacy. Also, reader is what some would call medium-sized. Not necessarily big, but definitely not small. This is for all my medium-sized girls, including myself. I was very self-indulgent with this one.

Part 2

Enjoy~

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You’d always been told you were mature for your age. It wasn’t until recently you realized how true that statement might be. You’re currently 21. And very, very single. You’ve had a total of six different relationships, and all of them fell through for one very simple reason. The boys you dated were just that. Boys. They were extremely immature. Only ever wanting to ‘hang with the boys’ or stay at home. No effort was put into the relationship on their part after the first few weeks. You didn’t understand why these vastly different boys were all so adamant on staying inside.

You’d tried desperately to get them to go out on dates with you. You offered to pay, and drive, and literally anything else. But no, they were too busy playing video games or getting higher than the damn sky. Don’t even start thinking about sex. You hadn’t got any of that shit since your first ‘boyfriend’ at 17, who used you like a sex doll and broke it off once he found someone hotter and sexier and altogether better in his eyes. You were sick of it. So you did the last thing you’d ever want to do. You went on a blind date.

You’d stumbled on a website last week that allowed you to set up a blind date with a stranger. It seemed legit, and had background checks on all participants. It also allowed you to put in any preferences you had, and matched you with someone that had similar preferences and hobbies. The age range you put in? 30-35 years old. Because guys your age just didn’t cut it. You needed someone more mature, someone who could treat you like a woman, not some girl.

Today, almost a week after matching with someone, you were standing outside an italian restaurant. You didn’t know his face, just his name and age, and that he was a teacher. Aizawa Shouta, 31 years old. And he’d sent a single message when you matched.

Meet me at this location on Saturday. When you enter, I’ll be at the back corner table. Semi-formal. 8 pm, please don’t be late.

It was blunt and straightforward. You liked it. You just hoped he wasn’t quite this blunt in person. You’d put on a black knee-length cocktail dress with a halter top and a partially open back that fell to the small of your back. It accentuated your shoulders and the top half of your torso before fanning out at your waist, the silky material falling and swaying around you. 

You slipped on simple white heels and silver jewelry, with a white clutch purse. You’d decided to pull your hair into a loose half-up half-down, a silver comb pinning your hair in place, minimal makeup and clear lip gloss. For the first time in a while you felt pretty. You knew you weren’t exactly small, but the way you were dressed gave you confidence.

You looked at your watch. 7:55 pm. You took a deep breath, straightened out your dress, and stepped into the restaurant. The host asked if you had a reservation, and you told him you were meeting someone who already arrived. He let you pass, and you walked back to the table Aizawa told you to meet at. He had his back to you as you approached, but you could see his broad shoulders and muscular frame easily. 

He wore a white long-sleeve button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a black vest fitted to his form. His slacks were also fitted, showing off his muscular thighs. His long raven hair was pulled in a half-up half-down similar to yours. You hadn’t even seen his face yet and he looked delicious.

Your heels clacked on the wood flooring, and as you neared the booth he turned to look at you. You stopped next to the table and got a good look at the stranger. He was beautiful. His dark bloodshot eyes looked tired, the bags underneath giving him away and only adding to his appeal, and a scar curved under his right eye. A sharp jawline, with a tamed scruff, and thin lips in a neutral expression. You were about to introduce yourself, but he stood from the booth and held his hand out, palm up. “You must be (y/l/n) (y/n).” You smiled at the gesture, and placed your hand in his. “That’s me. And you are Aizawa Shouta. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He pulled your hand to his lips and placed a kiss on your knuckles, before leading you to your seat.

As he sat down, you noticed a bottle of wine sitting in the center of the table in a bucket of ice, and two glasses of wine halfway full. One sat in front of you, and the other in front of Aizawa. He began the conversation with a rather specific question. “So, (y/l/n), why are you on a dating website looking for men that are so much older than you?” Normally you’d take offense to a question like that, but the way he said it was pure curiosity. So, you answered. “If I’m being honest, it’s actually pretty simple. Guys my age just don’t know how to treat me.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, a barely noticeable smirk tugging at his lips. “And how do you want to be treated?” You smiled a little at the implications behind the question, and answered. “I don’t want to be stuck in my room while my ‘boyfriend’ plays video games and smokes weed. I don’t want to be ‘one of the boys’, and I don’t want to have to plead and beg to go on a date or spend time with him. I want to be treated like a woman, not a girl. And I want to spend my time with a man, not waste it on a boy.” 

At that, Aizawa smirked and sipped at his wine. You both took a quick look at the menu and ordered when the waiter came. As you ate, you talked about random subjects and hit it off quite well. The date went by quickly, and at the end of the night you’d exchanged numbers. “I look forward to another date with you, Ms. (y/l/n).” “The feeling is mutual, Mr. Aizawa.” 

When you got back home, you undressed and cleaned your face and got into bed. As you lay there, your mind drifted back to the date, and how undeniably handsome Aizawa is. The way he spoke to you like you were his equal, and looking at you like an ancient treasure. He was everything you wanted, without even considering anything sexual. Little did you know he felt much the same way.

____

When the date ended he texted Hizashi to let him know he was free. Hizashi, of course, called him immediately, and began drilling him about the date. “How’d it go Sho? Was it a rando with a thing for older guys? Did she want a sugar daddy?” Shouta rolled his eyes. “No, Zashi, she wasn’t looking for a sugar daddy. She was...actually really mature for a 21 year old. She knows what she wants. I admire that a little. And I won’t lie, she’s quite beautiful. Not the generic, model, beauty-pageant, barbie doll pretty. It’s a natural glow she has. It’s...quite mesmerizing...”

Hizashi exploded on the other side, laughing at the new infatuation his friend had for a blind date. “I hope she’s your type, Sho. I mean physically. I know how much you like them with a little meat on their bones.” Aizawa groaned at his comment. He knew he was just teasing, but that his blonde friend was 100% right. He knew he had a type, and he’d be lying to himself if he hadn’t looked at your full figure quite frequently. 

He’d taken in your dress, how it showed off your shoulders and back. As you climbed into your car and took off your heels, he trailed his eyes up your legs, getting a small glimpse at your thick thighs. When you sat up behind the wheel, he revelled in the small rolls showing through your dress, wanting nothing more than to squeeze them and kiss them and bite them...

He shook away the thoughts that were threatening to take over his mind. “Shut it Hizashi. Her body is none of my concern, and is most definitely none of yours. I enjoyed the date and that’s what matters.” The loud blonde gasped dramatically, “Oh my god she totally is! Damn you go get some Sho!” Aizawa just ended the call.

*

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*

The next date was planned once again by Aizawa, and it was only a week after the first. It was a simple coffee date at a small cafe. You talked casually about the things you enjoyed doing. You convinced him to let you take care of the next date, which you decided would be a relaxed ramen date. You’d gotten comfortable around each other, and after about six more dates, he invited you over to his place for dinner. Of course, you accepted.

He’d sent you the address and apartment number, and you stood outside his door in dark jeans, black flats, and a beige sweater with a white tank top underneath. You knocked on the door, and when it opened he greeted you with a peck on the cheek. It had become a normal greeting, since you’d gotten so close, though the gesture always made you a little shy. He told you to get comfortable as he finished up dinner, and you sat at the kitchen table and admired him as he worked in the kitchen. He wore fitted blue denim jeans, and a black cotton t-shirt, his hair pulled up in a bun. 

No matter how many times you looked at him, he was always just as shockingly handsome as the first time you saw him. His t-shirt left his toned arms exposed, and it was fitted to his torso, showing off his muscular frame. Your eyes traced the outline of his muscles from his shoulder, down his arm, drifting to his hips and up his back. You didn’t notice him glance back and smirk at you. “Like what you see kitty cat?” Heat rushed to your face at the realization that you’d been staring, and the fact that he’d noticed. And that name… “K-kitty?” you barely whispered, before quickly apologizing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

You didn’t think he heard the first part. You were wrong. “It’s alright. And yes, kitty. Don’t like the pet name?” Your face burned at the tone of his voice. “N-no, the name’s fine, you just...caught me off guard.” He chuckled. “I should do it more often. You’re cute when you’re flustered.” You didn’t think your face could get any hotter, but it did. You tilted your head down and away from him and bit your lip, letting your hair fall to hide your face. You’d never gotten this kind of attention before, and you had no idea how to handle it.

You were too busy trying to calm your breathing to hear him approach you. The proximity and demanding tone of his voice made you jump a little. “Look at me, kitten.” You swallowed and took a breath before turning your head to him, and he hooked a finger under your chin, tilting your head so you were forced to sit up taller. He moved even closer, your shoulder brushing against his abdomen, and you nearly had to look straight up to look in his eyes. 

Your eyes began to drift away from his, and he jerked your chin up higher, silently commanding you not to look away. You brought your eyes back to his and held his gaze, and after a few moments he smirked. The hand under your chin moved to stroke your cheek with his knuckles. “Good girl.”

He quickly dropped his hand and went back to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. It took you a few seconds to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You panted a little, trying to calm yourself from what just happened, and clasped your shaking hands together. But they weren’t shaking from fear. In fact, you couldn’t quite tell why you were so shaky and out of breath. And the praise from him sent a shiver down your spine.

He managed to distract you while you ate, and you had completely recovered from whatever that was earlier. After dinner you moved into the living room and relaxed on the couch while you talked some more. Soon he’d leaned his head back and closed his eyes, still talking and listening, but clearly relaxed. Once again you found yourself distracted by his body, following the muscles in his neck down to his toned chest and abdomen. And again, he noticed. “I can feel your eyes on me, kitten.” His voice was low, a rumble of smooth baritone. You found yourself turning away to hide your face again, and the command in his voice controlled you with ease. 

“Don’t look away from me, kitten.” You turned back to him, and when your eyes met his, you looked away, and he let out a low growl and your eyes snapped back to him. He adjusted and sat up, your eyes still fixed on each other. He pat his leg, “Come here kitty.” You blinked at him, not quite prepared for such a demand. His eyes darkened a little and his voice dropped to a growl, “I won’t ask twice.” 

At that you got up and went to sit on one of his legs, but he pulled his knees together and shook his head. So you climbed over and straddled his legs on your knees. He grabbed your hips and pulled you so you were fully sitting on his lap, your core dangerously close to his growing bulge.

Your eyes were still locked on his as he leaned close to you, his hands rubbing circles into your hips.  He leaned past your face and whispered into your ear. “Can I touch you kitty?” You took a shaky breath and nodded. He laid a light spank on your ass and you jumped. “Use your words kitty cat.” “Y-yes, you can t-touch me.” He laid a kiss on your neck and whispered ‘good girl’ before moving his hands under your sweater and tank top. He ran his hands up and down your back, and he gripped the fatty flesh of your stomach and hips, kneading it in his palms gently as he worked his way up your body, leaving feather light kisses along your neck and jaw.

The intimacy had you quivering, and the way he nearly worshipped your body had your breaths coming out shaky and heavy. Shouta caught on quickly. “Is it safe for me to assume you haven’t done anything in a while?” he said in your ear. You started to nod, but quickly caught yourself, “Y-yes.” He stilled his movements and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Tell me what you did before this.” You took a breath and explained the situation as simply and quickly as possible.

His arms tensed, clearly upset that you’d been used like that. But he didn’t pry into that right now. “So you haven’t explored anything? Like any preferences you might have?” You shook your head quickly, “N-no...why?” He chuckled. “Well, kitty, you’re quite submissive. If you’d let me, I can help you explore this side of you.” You swallowed and nodded. “Y-yeah, I think I’d like that.” He hummed into your neck, “We can start tonight, but only if you’re comfortable and you want to.” You took a few moments to think about your answer. This man had been nothing but good to you. He treated you with more respect than all the boys you dated had combined. And you trusted him. “I...I’m comfortable starting tonight.”

“Alright kitty. Now, listen to me closely, because this is important, okay?” “Okay, I’m listening.” “Good. Since this is new to you, we need to establish a safeword. Is ‘roses’ alright?” You nod. “Okay. Now if anything ever gets too much for you, if you feel uncomfortable for any reason, if you need to stop for any reason, or if there’s a medical emergency, you need to use it. And that goes for me too. If I don’t like where things are going, I’ll use it. Once we use the safeword, everything will stop right there, no questions asked. Understand?”

“I understand.” “Okay. Can I trust you to use it if you feel the need to?” You nod, “Yes. I’ll use it if I need to.” He kisses your neck, “Good girl.” The praise makes you shudder, and you feel him smile into your neck. “Now, kitty, I want you to address me as either ‘Daddy’, ‘Sir’, or ‘Master’ when we’re like this, do you understand?” “Yes.” He spanks you a little harder. “Yes what?” You jump at the contact “Y-yes Sir.” Another kiss on your neck, “Good girl.” He leans back and taps your arms, “Up.” You lift your arms and he pulls off your sweater and tank top at the same time. 

His hands come back down on your shoulders, and he runs his hands down your chest and stomach, taking the time to remove your bra and knead your breasts. He wraps his arms around you and stands up, and you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist as he carries you to his bedroom. He puts you down on the bed on your back and takes a rope out of the bedside table. You let him take your hands and tie your wrists to the bar at the headboard. It’s not uncomfortably tight, but a few experimental tugs tell you it’s solid and you won’t be getting out of it unless he unties you.

He trails kisses down your body, unbuttoning your jeans and removing them as he goes. Once your jeans are off, he loops his fingers in the band of your panties and pulls them off. After that, he leans back and just rakes his eyes up and down your body, eating up every inch of your skin. “You’re such a pretty kitty.” His words have you shuddering and blushing. You’d never been called pretty before, and you knew why. You were a little bigger than other girls. You weren’t necessarily insecure about it. You didn’t care all that much about how people saw you with just your looks alone. But you knew Shouta was admiring your body after knowing who you are as a person, and it made you a little giddy.

His mouth and hands were all over you, squeezing and groping, sucking bruises onto your skin. His touches were sending waves of heat through your body, and pooling between your legs. You desperately wanted him to touch you there, and you whined and rolled your hips up into the air. “Such a needy kitty. Be patient. I’m not done here yet.” He rolled a nipple in between his index and thumb, pulling the other into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. You mewled at the sensation, and he switched his mouth over to the other side.

Your legs were rubbing together, begging for friction, and he finally moved down to your dripping core. He took a finger and slipped it over your folds. He groaned as his finger collected your slick, “You’re so wet kitty. Are you this wet for me?” You nodded your head frantically, and he laid a light smack on your pussy. You let out a soft whimper, “Yes Sir, it’s for you,” you answered quickly. He hummed, “Good girl. I didn’t even need to remind you to use your words.” He kissed the inside of your thigh, and moved to lick a stripe up your folds. You gasped at the new feeling, never having anyone’s mouth down there before.

He slipped the pink muscle into you easily, groaning when he tasted you. The sound sent vibrations through your dripping cunt, making you squirm at the pleasure. He looped his arms around your legs, dipping his fingers into your core and using the slick to rub tight circles onto your clit. An unfamiliar sensation built in the pit of your stomach, your muscles tightening in your abdomen as it got stronger. You knit your eyebrows together, and in between heavy breaths you gasped out, “S-sir...it feels strange.” He raised his eyebrows at the statement, and increased his pace until that coil inside you snapped, which didn’t take very long.

Your back arched off the bed as you let out a loud, sharp moan, your legs shaking from the intensity of your first orgasm. Aizawa kept lapping at your pussy, letting you ride out your high, and once you were relaxed and panting on the bed, he lifted his head and wiped his chin. “Kitty, have you never cum before?” He asked, a small smirk tugging at his lips. You shake your head, “No S-sir...Is that what just happened?” He chuckled, but didn’t answer the question, “You’re going to have fun tonight kitty.” You didn’t have time to question what he meant, though, because he slipped a thick finger into your core, and you mewled as your walls clenched down on him.

The game he played went on for what felt like hours, and you lost count of how many times he’s made you cum. He’d fucked you and cum multiple times himself. You’d already squirted several times, and tears were streaming down your face from the overstimulation. It felt so good, but it was starting to melt your brain and the title of ‘Sir’ drifted to ‘Daddy’ as it went on. All the muscles in your body were burning from flexing so hard, and your wrists were feeling raw from how hard you’d been tugging at your restraints. It felt so, so good...but it was too much. He leaned down close to your face and kissed at the tears, “You’re doing so well babygirl. You got one more for me?” 

You giggled lightly at the praise, your mind fuzzy, unable to form coherent thoughts as he thrust his hips into you. He stilled his movements and caressed your jaw. “How are you feeling, kitten?” Your eyes looked up into his, struggling to stay open. You giggled a little as you answered. “It’s… I f-feel…” You knit your eyebrows together in concentration, searching your brain. “R-roses?”

Everything stopped, and he instantly reached up and tugged off your restraints, and pulled your exhausted body close to his chest. Your breathing got heavier, and your chest got tight, and fresh tears fell down your cheeks. He held you tight, kissing your tears and petting your hair as your cries died down. He held you like that until your breathing was normal again. You slowly opened your eyes, weakly calling out to him, “Daddy?” He kissed your forehead, “I’m right here kitten. Tell me what you need.” You nuzzled your head into his neck and mumbled, “Water. Can I have water?” He wrapped you in a soft blanket and stood up, carrying you with him. “Anything for my kitten.”

He set you on the counter and made a glass of iced water, holding it up to your lips. As you sipped, he rubbed your back and kissed your forehead and neck, and he didn’t stop or move until you had drained the cup. He left it in the sink and picked you up again, taking you to the bathroom and filling the tub with warm water. He turned off the tap, took off your blanket, and carried you into the tub. He washed the both of you, massaging your scalp, and you let out a sound like a pur, which he smiled at.

When he was done, he stood you up and wrapped you in a fluffy towel, dried himself with one, and carried you back to bed. You curled into him, and he wrapped his arms around you. “Are you okay (y/n)?” You nodded into his chest, “Yeah, I’m okay. It was just intense.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, “Thank you for using the safeword. You did so well for me kitten, trusting me like that.” You nuzzled into his chest some more, relishing in the heat his body gave. 

You loved the praise he gave you. It made you feel warm and fuzzy in your belly, and it felt so good. Soon you were drifting into a deep sleep, comfortable in Shouta’s arms. This was nice. You’d be happy to let him guide you, let him take care of you like this. One thought drifted through your head as you drifted.

‘Guys my age could never.’

[potionsprefect]

Away in D.C

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: Ethan has to leave for a medical conference and the family learn to deal with it.

Rating: General Audiences

Category: angst, fluff

He ended the call and put his phone down, running a hand over his face.

It was confirmed he was needed in Washington D.C for a 4 day medical conference.

“Confirmation?” Victoria said from her spot on the bed.

Ethan looked at her. “Yes, 4 days in Washington.”

Victoria gave him a small smile as she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. “We’ll be okay. You’ve had to do this before.”

“That was when they were really small. They’ll remember this one.” Ethan replied.

“It’ll be ok. I’m here and I’ll make sure they have the best time whilst your away.” Victoria said leaning in to kiss Ethan’s neck.

“I really don’t want to go though.” Ethan sighed.

“I know you don’t baby. But you have too. It’ll be over before you know it.” Victoria said.

The older the twins got, the harder it was to leave them. The last time Ethan had to go away for a conference, the twins weren’t old enough to remember. Now they were at an age where they would realise Ethan wasn’t around and it would hit them hard.

“Come on, let’s go tell them.” Victoria said getting up, gently grabbing Ethan’s hand pulling him up. The two made their way downstairs where their two young children were playing with their toys.

“Hi Mommy, Daddy.” Luke smiled up at them. Lily was concentrating on her Barbie dolls.

“We’ve got something we need to tell you. And you’ve got to be very grown up about it.” Victoria said sitting down and pulling Luke into her lap, Ethan did the same with Lily.

“What’s wrong?” Luke asked, noticing a change in mood.

“I’ve got to go away for a few days. I have something really important to do.” Ethan said.

The twins looked between Ethan and Victoria, Lily cuddling against Ethan the more she looked at him.

“Is it to do with work?” Luke asked.

“That’s right. But I’ll be home before you know it.” Ethan said.

“And I’ll be here to make sure you’re both okay. We’ll have the best weekend ever.” Victoria replied.

Luke smiled although Victoria could tell he was forcing it but Lily seemed to be taking it the hardest. She buried her face into Ethan’s shoulder, his arms tightening around her tiny waist, holding her close.

Victoria could sense that Ethan would talk to Lily so she turned to Luke. “How about we go find Jenner?” She suggested. Luke jumped up at that and raced into the kitchen. As Victoria followed him, she briefly looked back and could hear soft sobs coming from Lily.

“I found Jenner!” Luke exclaimed as the golden retriever licked his face making him giggle.

“Thats great. Mommy needs to ask you something.” Victoria picked him up and sat him at the kitchen table. “Are you okay with Daddy going away? It’s okay if you’re not, Mommy’s here to help you.”

“I know he’ll be back. Daddy always comes back.” Luke said, pretending to race his car along the kitchen table.

“It’s great that you think that. Lily’s a bit upset by it all so you’ll have to be extra nice to her and we can both cheer her up. I know! Shall we make a list of things to do this weekend and then we can tell Daddy all about them when he comes home?” Victoria suggested.

“Yeah!’ Luke grinned. Victoria grabbed a notepad.

“How about we have a pyjama day on Saturday? We can watch all your favourite tv shows and films?”

“Yeah! And can we have pizza?”

“Why not? How about ice cream as well? And on Sunday I’ll cook you your favourite meal.” Victoria said.

“Yes spaghetti!”

Victoria laughed as she made notes, this also included time on their climbing frame in the garden and going to the park as well as endless amounts of cuddles.

“Mommy will Lily be ok?” Luke asked.

“She’ll be fine. She’s just a little sad that Daddy’s going away but he won’t be long.”

Back in the living room, Ethan was comforting Lily who was holding onto him as if she didn’t want to let go.

“I don’t want to go away either Lil. But Mommy’s here and she’ll look after you.” Ethan forced Lily to look at him.

“I don’t like it when you’re not here.” Lily said.

“I don’t either sweetpea. But sometimes we have to do things we don’t really want to do.” Ethan replied stroking Lily’s hair.

“Like when Mommy makes me eat vegetables?”

“Yes exactly like that.” Ethan chuckled. “I’m gonna miss you too, but we can FaceTime with Luke and Mommy every evening. Does that sound okay?”

Lily nodded, a smile forming on her face. “When do you go?”

“I leave tomorrow night and come back Monday evening. I promise you the time will go very quickly. How about we do something tomorrow before I leave? Just you, your brother and me?” Ethan suggested.

“What about Mommy?”

“I already asked Mommy and she said it was a great idea.” Ethan smiled. Truth be told, Ethan knew Victoria would say yes because it would mean her having time to herself.

“Okay.” Lily smiled throwing her arms around Ethan who hugged her just as tightly back.

“Shall we go and see what Luke and Mommy are up to?” Ethan asked.

“Okay.” Lily replied. She hopped off Ethan’s lap and headed to the kitchen, Ethan following shortly behind her.

— — — — —

Ethan made his way down the stairs, luggage in hand and set it down by the front door. It was pitch black, the outside being lit by the street lights.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off at the airport?” Victoria asked coming out of the living room.

“No it will just make the goodbye even harder.” Ethan sighed wrapping his arms around Victoria.

“Try not to have too much fun.” Victoria smiled leaning against his chest.

“Impossible without you.” Ethan chuckled slightly leaning down to press a heated kiss to Victoria’s lips.

“Text me when you land.”

“Of course. I better get going.”

As if on cue, the kids ran into the hallway, throwing their arms around Ethan as he bent down to hug them.

“I’ll miss you both so much, promise me you’ll be good for Mommy?” Ethan looked at the twins.

“We will. Promise you’ll think about us?” Lily looked at Ethan, green eyes staring into blue.

“All the time, I promise.” Ethan smiled. Ethan gave the twins one last big hug before standing up and opening the door. “I’ll see you all in a few days.” Ethan headed out the door.

“Bye!” The twins and Victoria chorused before they shut the door.

“Go to the window and wave to Daddy.” Victoria instructed. The twins ran into the living room and climbed onto the sofa waving as the taxi pulled out the driveway and round the corner.

Once the car was out of sight Luke went back to his racing car whilst Lily flopped down onto the sofa and cuddled her teddy.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” Victoria picked Lily up who rested her head on her shoulder.

“Mommy pick me up too!” Luke said holding his arms up. Laughing, Victoria picked him up and carried them up the stairs.

It didn’t take the twins long to get ready for bed. As they were brushing their teeth, Lily asked “Mommy can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“Is your bed not comfy enough?” Victoria knelt down so she was eye level with her daughter.

“It is. But Luke and I don’t want you to be lonely.” Lily sighed.

“We don’t?” Luke said, a mouth full of toothpaste. Lily nudged him, silently urging him to play along. “I mean yes we don’t!”

“That’s very sweet of you. And I don’t see why not.” Victoria smiled.

The twins grinned as they finished brushing their teeth and made their way to Ethan and Victoria’s bedroom.

“Did you both enjoy your day at the petting zoo with Daddy?” Victoria asked as she tucked the twins into Ethan’s side of the bed.

“Yeah we saw lots of animals.” Luke said.

“He even bought us something from the gift shop.” Lily replied.

Victoria smiled as she listened to their stories of today. It wasn’t long before both of the twins began to drift off to sleep and with a final kiss on each of their foreheads, she quietly crept out the room.

Victoria tidied up the living room and turned on the TV. She watched a few episodes of a new crime drama that was airing, until she felt exhaustion creeping up on her a few hours later and decided to go to bed.

Victoria slipped on her pyjamas and brushed her teeth before quietly making her way into her bedroom. Her heart swelled at her two young children cuddled up against each other fast asleep.

As Victoria hit the pillow, her phone lit up with a notification.

Landed safely, speak to you tomorrow x

Smiling, Victoria fell asleep.

— — — — —

The early morning sunrise woke Victoria up the next morning. Luke and Lily were still fast asleep as Victoria quietly got dressed. When she went back into her bedroom she gently roused the twins from their sleep.

“No Mommy I’m not awake.” Lily pulled the duvet over her and Luke.

“Sounds like you are to me.” Victoria chuckled.

“It’s too early.” Luke whined.

“Okay, I guess I’ll just eat all the pancakes.” Victoria pretended to walk away.

“No I’m up, I’m up!” Lily jumped out of bed and ran to Victoria, Luke not far behind her.

“Okay then let’s go make some pancakes. Do you want to hold my hand?”

“No we’re big now we can do it ourselves!” Luke replied.

The three made their way downstairs to the kitchen, Jenner jumped up and licked the twins’ faces making them giggle.

“Mommy can we have blueberries with them?” Lily asked.

“Of course you can.” Victoria smiled.

“Daddy let’s us have syrup as well.” Luke said.

“Luke! That was meant to be a secret!” Lily cried.

“Does he? Well I’ll be having words with Daddy.” Victoria pretended to be stern.

“Don’t be angry with Daddy Mommy. He was being kind.” Lily looked up at Victoria.

Victoria crouched down so she was at her height. “I can’t stay mad at Daddy for too long.”

The twins giggled and Victoria dished them up their pancakes, which they ate at lightning speed.

“Can we go watch a film now?” Luke asked.

“No Luke we have to get dressed and brush our teeth, right Mommy?” Lily sternly told Luke.

“Actually Mommy has decided we can have a pyjama day today, but you do need to brush your teeth.” Victoria said.

The twins raced upstairs and quickly brushed their teeth before they hurried back downstairs.

“What film do you want to watch?” Victoria asked.

“The Lion King!” The twins excitedly said. Victoria chuckled as she put the DVD into the player.

Victoria sat in-between the kids who snuggled up against her. As the film played, Victoria phone pinged, it was a message from Ethan.

How are you doing?

Smiling Victoria replied all okay, watching the Lion King for the millionth time.

I usually watch that with them, guess they’re missing me.

They’re not the only ones.

“Who are you texting Mommy?” Luke asked noticing Victoria was looking at her phone.

“Daddy. He wants to know if you two are ok.”

“We are! But tell him I miss him.” Lily said.

“I will sweetheart.”

The twins continued watching the film as Victoria text Ethan. Has the conference started?

It didn’t take long for a reply. In 5 minutes, are the kids behaving?

Victoria laughed a little as she text back. They are, and they miss you a lot.

The three little dots appeared at the bottom of the screen before Ethan’s message popped up. I miss them too. And you as well.

Victoria’s heart swelled at the comment. She knew Ethan wouldn’t be away for long but she missed him terribly nonetheless.

Luke and Lily continued to cuddle up against Victorias side as the film played out. The last time Ethan went away they weren’t old enough to realise but Victoria definitely noticed a change in mood between them and the minute Ethan walked through the front door, their tiny faces lit up.

Victoria knew they would have the same reaction when they reunited with Ethan on Monday.

— — — — —

Sunday soon rolled around and Victoria was currently reading a medical journal as Luke and Lily played with their toys.

“Make way for Captain Destroyer as he captures the Barbie palace!” Luke enthusiastically said as he crashed his action man into Lily’s Barbie palace.

“No! My Barbies! What did they do?” Lily hugged her Barbies to her chest to protect them.

“They’re mine now!” Luke went to grab them.

“No! Mommy!” Lily looked at Victoria.

“Luke leave her alone.” Victoria looked up from her book.

“But-“

“I’d think carefully about what you’re about to say.” Victoria said sternly.

Luke huffed and threw his toy onto the floor. “I’m bored.”

“I know. How about we build a fort? I used to make them all the time with Uncle Will and Auntie Sarah.”

“Yeah!” The twins jumped up.

“Okay. The first essential for a great fort is blankets. Can you go find some for me?” Victoria asked.

The twins eagerly ran out the room and up the stairs as Victoria took some of the cushions from the sofa and moved some of the furniture so it was closer together. The last time she has made a fort was when she was a kid. She had forgotten how fun it was.

“We’ve got them!” Lily said running back into the living room.

“Where’s Luke?” Victoria asked, noticing the young boy wasn’t with his sister.

“I’m under here!” A muffled voice said. Victoria pulled the blankets off him chuckling.

“Why don’t you put them under there and I’ll grab some fairy lights.”

Victoria headed upstairs to one of the spare bedrooms and found some old battery operated fairy lights. She brought them downstairs and hung them around the fort so there was more light.

“Wow it looks so cool!” Lily said looking round.

“Are these the kind of forts you built with Uncle Will and Auntie Sarah Mommy?” Luke asked.

“Yes. We used to build forts all the time as kids. Although Uncle Will didn’t like it when we brought lots of pink things in there.” Victoria laughed.

“Have you and Daddy ever made a fort together?” Lily asked.

“Ah well, I’ve always tried to persuade Daddy but so far I haven’t been able to. Maybe the three of us can persuade him one day.”

“How did you and Daddy meet Mommy?” Luke said cuddling up against Victorias side, Lily doing the same.

“I met him when I first started working. Although he didn’t really like me at first.” Victoria put her arms around her children.

“Why not?”

“He thought I was annoying and I thought he was very grumpy.” Victoria said which made them giggle.

“But Daddy is always so funny.” Luke said looking bewildered as if his Dad could be anything but fun.

“That’s because you two are his angels and he always saves his best features for us three.” Victoria tickled them making them laugh. “I know. Shall we take a picture and send it to Daddy?”

“Yeah!”

Victoria grabbed her phone and held it up. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” The twins grinned.

Victoria looked at the photo. “What do you think?”

“Great!” The twins beamed. Victoria sent the photo.

“How about I get started making the spaghetti?”

“Yes!”

Victoria chuckled as she headed out into the kitchen, As she put a pan of water on to boil her phone lit up with a notification.

Wishing I was with you x

— — — — —

Much later on in the day, the twins were fed and bathed and were in their pyjamas watching TV.

“Look who’s calling.” Victoria said holding her phone up in front of the twins. Their eyes lit up when they saw Ethans name.

“Daddy!” They cried when Victoria accepted the call and Ethan’s face popped up on the screen.

“Hi guys! How are you?” Ethan smiled.

“We’re good. Mommy helped us build a fort and then we ate spaghetti!” Luke said.

“I see. And how is Mommy?” Ethan chuckled.

“Mommy’s fine.” Victoria smiled.

“We miss you Daddy.” Lily said in a quiet voice as she cuddled her teddy.

“I miss you too sweetheart. I wish I was with you.” Ethan smiled.

“You’ll see Daddy tomorrow night Lil.” Victoria cuddled her.

“Daddy are you having a good time?” Luke asked.

Ethan laughed at that. “As good as can be.” He then went on to explain everything he had been doing even though Victoria could tell he was exaggerating. However, that didn’t matter when she saw the excited look on her children’s faces.

Victoria could tell the twins were getting tired so she suggested ending the call, promising them Daddy would be home tomorrow night. She carried them to bed, gently kissing them on their foreheads.

“Wait.” Luke suddenly said as Victoria was about to shut his bedroom door. She watched him get out of bed and head to his dresser and pull out a framed photo. On closer inspection, she realised it was a framed photo of them as a family.

“Why have you got that?” Victoria asked.

“So I don’t miss Daddy too much. And so he doesn’t get lonely.” Luke snuggled against the picture.

Victoria’s throat became thick with emotion and she felt tears forming in her eyes. Blinking them away she quietly crept out the room and once she shut the door, she let the tears fall.

It was remarkable to see how grown up the twins were. Naturally they were sad, Victoria wasn’t expecting anything less and some of the time, she knew the smiles were hiding that they were missing Ethan. But they had been so mature over the last few days and Victoria was proud of them.

She knew she was raising them well.

— — — — —

After another day of parks, food and endless amount of cuddles, Victoria, Luke and Lily were in the car on their way to the airport to pick up Ethan. Ethan’s flight got in at 8 and Victoria made sure she left with enough time to spare. The twins were in their pyjamas, Victoria deciding they could win that battle but were wrapped up in their coats.

Luke and Lily were so excited that Ethan was coming home today. In the morning, they went out and bought some of Ethan’s favourite foods, the twins made him a welcome home card for him to see when they arrived back. They managed to tire themselves out at the park in the afternoon, Luke even went down for a nap but Lily refused (‘If I fall asleep Mommy I’ll miss seeing Daddy so I have to stay awake.’)

5 minutes before they arrived at the airport, Lily had begun to doze off.

“Go to sleep Lil.” Victoria said as she pulled into the airport carpark.

“But Daddy…” Lily yawned as she shut her eyes.

“Will be here when you wake up.” Victoria said smiling at her. She pulled into an empty space and got out the car, heading to Luke’s side first helping him out of the car then gently lifting Lily out of the car, pulling her close as the little girl laid her head on her mothers shoulder.

“Can we go now Mommy?” Luke asked tugging on her hand.

“Yes, hold my hand.” Victoria said, Luke obeyed immediately.

The family walked through the airport, heading to the board where the arrivals were updated.

“Can you see Daddy’s plane number?” Victoria asked Luke as the young boy looked up at the board.

“No. Where is it?” Luke said.

“I can. It says it’s arrived.” Victoria pointed up at the screen.

“Does that mean Daddy’s home?” Luke’s eyes lit up.

“Yes sweetheart Daddy’s home.” Victoria smiled.

The family moved towards where the arrivals would filter out. The automatic doors kept opening and closing, passengers reuniting with loved ones.

“He’s not coming!” Luke said looking up at Victoria.

“He will, you just need to be patient.” Victoria ruffled his hair, glancing at Lily who was still fast asleep in her arms.

More and more people walked out until Victoria saw the one face she had been waiting for. Luke had seen him too.

“Daddy!” Luke ran to Ethan, the latter knelt down to greet his son, pulling him into a tight hug. Victoria couldn’t make out what they were saying to each other but her heart swelled at the reunion.

Holding Luke’s hand in one and pulling his suitcase in the other, Ethan made his way over to Victoria.

“Someone tried desperately to stay awake all day but inevitably fell asleep.” Victoria chuckled gesturing to the sleeping Lily.

“I don’t mind She’ll have the best reaction when she wakes up.” Ethan smiled pressing a short kiss to Lily’s head then pressed his lips to Victoria’s.

“Good to be home?”

“Definitely.” Ethan replied. He picked Luke up and with suitcase in hand, the family made their way out of the airport. “Pass me the keys.” Ethan said once they had reached the car.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind driving.” Victoria asked.

“I want to. It’s the least I can do.” Ethan smiled.

Victoria didn’t argue with that. She put Lily in her carseat then climbed into the front. Ethan’s hand found hers, lacing their fingers together.

“So tell me. How boring was the conference?” Victoria grinned as Ethan found the interstate.

“Almost as boring as all the other ones. I certainly won’t be going to anymore anytime soon.” Ethan chuckled.

“I’m glad. We’ve missed you. They’ve been good as gold though.” Victoria smiled as she looked behind her. Luke had also fallen asleep.

“I knew they would. And it wouldn’t be a trip away if I didn’t have a present to bring back.”

“Another piece of memorabilia.”

“Of course.” Ethan laughed. “It’s good to be home though. My place is right here.” Ethan squeezed Victoria’s hand.

Smiling, Victoria relaxed back in her seat as Ethan drove their family back home where they belonged.

— — — — —

I have all the feels after writing that 🥺🥰

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed

Tag list:

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@choicesficwriterscreations

[ladykissingfish]

The Akatsuki at Karaoke Night

Being a group of insatiable killers is hard work, even in the best of circumstances. Like anybody else, the Akatsuki is constantly seeking out ways to unwind and de-stress during their off time. One day Konan goes out and comes back excited; a local tavern hosts a karaoke night every week. The others are reluctant at first, but this quickly becomes one of their new favorites pastimes. Drinking, eating, singing; what could be more fun than that?

Deidara

Has to be really drunk to get up on stage and sing. Like, incredibly drunk. Like how-is-he-still-standing-drunk. When in this state, there’s one song that he’ll sing and one song only: “I’m A Barbie Girl.” Nobody in the Akatsuki knows why he chooses this particular song, but everyone has to admit that it suits him. He’ll take his hair out of his ponytail and have it cascading down his back, he’ll tie up his shirt in a front knot, and, if she’s wearing them, will borrow Konan’s heels to wear. And he’ll always try and drag Sasori on stage with him to sing the parts of Ken (C’mon, Danna! You’re literally like a doll, hm!), but Sasori will only comply if he’s in a really good mood/there’s not that many people around. Despite his intoxication he’ll actually sing beautifully, so much so that he’ll receive requests for encores; which he’ll do, until the booze catches up with him and he falls head-first off the stage and into someone’s (usually Tobi’s) lap. Won’t remember a thing the next day and feverishly insist that he’s never even heard of “some weird Barbie song”.

EDIT:: After days of this being on my mind I can also believe that Deidara would sing “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood(?) and stare directly at Sasori the entire time even though they’re not really dating they‘re “in a situation” and even though if they WERE dating Sasori isn’t the cheating kind but he’s listening to the lyrics and noting how intensely Deidara is singing it and his face is just 😳

Sasori

He only goes because the others insist that he does. Honestly, this guy has a severe allergy to anything Fun. Chances are he’ll bring one of his puppets with him to work on/modify. He mostly refuses to get on stage and sing any songs of his own, BUT he’ll use his chakra strings to control his puppet and have it dance along on stage to a song of his choosing, that he has one of the other members sing for the puppet (giving them a taste of ventriloquism). The song he likes his performers to do most frequently is “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Joel; this must be his favorite song because he always silently mouths along to it as it plays. If literally nobody else is there besides the rest of the Akatsuki, he sometimes “makes” Deidara join him for a duet; he’s particularly fond of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John, although he and Deidara always fight over who sings the part of the girl.

Tobi

It’s dangerous to let Tobi sing in front of people. Not because he’s bad at it, but because ... he’s good. Startlingly good. His voice changes completely from a goofy childish timbre, to very deep, and smooth, and mellow. There are sea legends about sailors being lured to their deaths by the songs of sirens, and the same principle seems to be at work here. Waitresses will drop their trays, people walking will run face-first into each other, and the area around the stage will be packed with men and women alike trying to get as close as possible to him. The fact that he sounds like that but won’t make his mask off makes him even more mysterious and alluring. His song of choice? “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers; which brings tears (and swooning) to the eyes and minds of anyone who hears him. After the song it’s like someone flips a switch, and he goes back to the weirdo that the Akatsuki knows and tolerates, seemingly completely oblivious to the chaos his singing caused. He also enjoys having drinks with his Senpai, as the alcohol makes the blonde much more friendly towards Tobi than he usually is; however he can’t keep up with the amount of booze Deidara can put away, and he feels sleepy after just a few beers.

Hidan

As with most group outings, he’ll complain about thinking everything is stupid. His religion prohibits the consumption of alcohol, so he’ll occupy himself with eating lots of food and “lovingly” heckling his fellow Akatsuki members when they get up on stage. Once in a blue moon he can be persuaded to get up and sing himself, although again this is a complete rarity. He has no real music preferences and will usually just flip through the available choices until he finds something he knows the lyrics to. Tries to pick songs with a lot of swearing in it, which he won’t bother to bleep out and will instead scream out at the top of his lungs (which often results in the whole group being threatened with getting kicked out). Sometimes, though, when he’s in a more mellow state of mind ((a rarity for Hidan)) he’ll get the urge to do a duet (because that takes the pressure off of everyone staring only at him) and can convince Konan to go up with him. Their rendition of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” always brings the room to its feet, and gets them thunderous applause. After the song Konan will blush and kiss his cheek, which Hidan pretends to act embarrassed about (but is secretly thrilled by). His favorite song to do solo, however, is “Sympathy For The Devil” by The Rolling Stones, which he ... really ... gets into.

Kakuzu

Mostly comes out with the others as a sort of chaperone; making sure they get home safe after drinking, and trying to prevent them from blowing all their money on the “outrageously priced” food and drinks. Karaoke isn’t really his thing, and neither is being on stage in front of people. However if he’s in a decent mood, and there aren’t that many people around, he can be persuaded to get up and sing. He sings the most amazing rendition of “Ain’t No Grave (Can Hold My Body Down)” by Johnny Cash; his deep gravelly voice and slow speaking pitch are absolutely perfect for it, giving everyone listening goosebumps. Kakuzu is also a skilled guitar player, and sometimes he will sit on stage and play the guitar bits of certain songs for other Akatsuki members singing, “But I’m taking my fees out of your next paycheck.”

Zetsu

Surprisingly, this is one activity that the plant-man enjoys engaging in with the others. He’s not much of an alcohol drinker, and “human” food isn’t really his thing, either; but he loves to hear the others do their best at singing. It takes a lot to get Zetsu up on the stage himself, but when he does, he’s a fairly decent singer. He’s able to change the pitch of his voice quite effortlessly, so that it intend sounds as if two people are singing, instead of one. His song of choice is a long one: “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. It takes a lot f stamina to get through this, but Zetsu always finds that half the time he can’t even hear his own voice with this one, as everyone in the place sings with him (because seriously, who alive doesn’t know this song?). But it’s not all fun and games; Zetsu will always be scoping out the crowd, discerning who the most intoxicated people are. He’ll lure these poor souls into the alley out back, and gave himself a tasty little snack. He tries his hardest not to let the others catch him doing this, though, as this is supposed to be a fun and stress-free night for all involved.

Konan and Pein

This whole thing was her idea, yet, unless it’s a duet with one of the others, she’s very reluctant to try and sing on her own. Thinks her voice is “nails on a chalkboard”, although everyone vehemently disagrees with this perspective. Never has to bring any money with her to the bar, because all of the boys will take turns buying her food and drinks. She goes crazy for fries of any kind, and can eat carloads of these alone. Konan is exceptionally beautiful, and she will be mercilessly hit on from the moment she walks in until they all leave. Well, not always — the boys ALSO like to take turns acting as Konan’s bodyguard, and protecting her from anyone who tries to come within three feet of her. They hide their more vicious tendencies for when Konan’s not paying attention, because they know she wants a relaxing evening, but still: there’s been quite a number of guys escorted out of the bar by Kisame and Hidan, that mysteriously never return. When persuaded to sing, almost anything she chooses will be an Amy Winehouse song, as this is her favorite artist. Her favorite song is “Wake Up Alone”, which moves her fellow teammates (Pein included) to tears. Joins Kakuzu as helper to make sure everyone gets home safe and sound. Pein doesn’t like singing, and does not want to sing ... but Konan always manages to convince him to be a good sport at some point in the evening. But the song he picks is disappointingly predictable: “Pain” by Three Days Grace. Expected, maybe ... but he puts real heart and soul into his rendition, nearly falling off the stage with his enthusiasm. As with all group outings, Nagato loves to experience everything through the Pein-body’s eyes, and spend time with this makeshift family of his.

Kisame

One of the biggest drinkers, but something (perhaps his half-animalness) makes it near impossible for him to be totally drunk, no matter how much alcohol he consumes. Sometimes he’ll make a deal with Kakuzu: Kakuzu will scope out other drunks in the place, inform Kisame of their whereabouts, and Kisame will hustle them for money in either drinking contests or pool games. He’ll split the money with the old guy, making both happy. When it comes to the karaoke aspect, Kisame doesn’t really like singing, or being in front of a crowd; but decides to be a good sport and do a song lIke the others. He can sing almost anything (he has a wide vocal range), but he really seems to favor love ballads. His favorite is November Rain by Guns n Roses, and the rest of the Akatsuki is shocked at how damn soulful he sounds singing it. If not singing or hustling drunks, he likes to spend some quiet time with Itachi, buying him snacks and coaxing the thin ((TOO thin, in Kisame’s opinion)) young man to eat.

Itachi

Is quiet and shy by nature, so naturally things like karaoke bars aren’t really his deal. But Kisame always insists that it’s good for him to get out ((out of the hideout and out of his head)) and socialize once in a while, so he goes. It’s the same deal as Konan, almost, where women flock to him and hit on him for nearly the entire duration of his visit. However, the group doesn’t act as a collective bodyguard for him, as the majority of them feel like he’d be better off, as Hidan delicately puts it, “If the fucker just got laid.” But Itachi doesn’t seem interested in anything like this; he’s polite to those who approach him, but so closed-off that eventually they give up. When one particularly persistent woman wouldn’t leave him alone, Itachi resorted to grabbing the person nearest him (who happened to be Deidara) and telling the admirer that he was his boyfriend. He even put his arm around the guy’s waist, squeezing him. Deidara went along with it, but after the woman left he angrily informed Itachi that he’d “blow your ass up if you ever try something like that again, hm!” That’s what he SAYS, but it should be noted that he blushes quite hard for some time afterwards. Itachi was only ever convicted to go up and sing one time, and it was a duet with Kisame. The song was “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie. At the end of the song, Kisame was beaming, and Itachi had more admirers than ever clamoring for his attention. Not used to late nights so if they’re out past midnight will usually fall asleep sitting at the bar, and be carried home (and put into bed) by Kisame.

[amphtaminedreams]

Sitting Front Row at...(On a Budget Obvs): Lookbook no.15

Hey to anyone reading!

And welcome to my fave lookbook I’ve done in a longggg ass time! Yes, that’s partially because it involved making collages and doing the low effort work of scouring Vogue Runway for “research purposes”, but I promise, that statement wasn’t made out of COMPLETE laziness-I am super happy with it too. It’s been a good use of pre-part-lockdown-lift time in the interim between that brief period of Christmas celebrations and eateries finally fucking opening again because let’s be honest, I always knew I was gonna get distracted by oat milk vanilla lattes and veggie all day breakfasts once I could actually sit down with them at my fave local cafe. You could say I was very much operating on a self-imposed deadline.

The “what I would wear to sit front row at...[insert designer here]” TikTok/Instagram reel trend was something I wanted to get on board with ever since I first saw one and whilst the option of doing my own live action take-I really cannot bear the thought of having to edit footage of myself awkwardly attempting to sit nonchalantly in front of a camera for hours on end-was off the cards considering my complete lack of screen presence, I decided a Tumblr text post would work just as well, and if not even better in a way. Given the absence of the time limitations you face when you’re making a reel or a TikTok I thought it’d be cool to present the looks as part of a mini moodboard for each designer which adds a bit of context to each look even if you aren’t familiar with their past collections and establishes the general vibe of the brand I’m attempting to replicate. Not to sound snotty or as if I am the font of all knowledge on anything high fashion related but even with my amateur knowledge I noticed that as the video trend took off and was adopted by big name influencers, it became less about the average person putting their own personal spin on the aesthetic of the labels we can’t ordinarily afford and more about them building outfits that only vaguely resemble the general public perception of the brand around the real corresponding (and often gifted and thus inaccessible to someone who doesn’t makes thousands for a sponsored post) pieces they own SO I thought I’d take the trend back to its roots and get a bit resourceful. All that being said, in no particular order, here are the outfits I would wear to sit front row at Gucci, Vera Wang, Miu-Miu, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Brock Collection, Alexander McQueen, Etro, Burberry aaaand Saint Laurent based on their past collections and guess what? They didn’t cost a shit tonne of money :-)

-disclaimer: will include an asterisk before any new purchases if from a high street store though to be honest, I don’t think there are any, we shall see! I do include where I got old purchases from in case anyone wants to search anything on Depop/Ebay-

1. Saint Laurent (formerly Yves Saint Laurent)

-blazer from identityparty on Depop, pleather trousers from Zara, jewellery from Dolls Kill-

I know technically abbreviating Saint Laurent to YSL doesn’t really make much sense anymore given the brand’s name change in 2012, but I’ll always think of it as that in the same way I’ll always associate it with the slightly dishevelled yet simultaneously glitzy rock n’ roll aesthetic. The thing is, whilst YSL hasn’t done anything wildly out of the box for a long time, it’s rare they put a look on the runway that I wouldn’t wear; they never end up being a fashion week standout but the Parisienne take on grunge we’ve seen Anthony Vaccarello establish as his go-to will always have a place in my heart. 

2. Alexander McQueen

-embroidered leather jacket from Ebay (originally Topshop), harness from Amazon, dress from ASOS, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

Alexander McQueen is a brand that is pretty much universally liked, from the historically extravagant and groundbreaking shows the man himself put together to Sarah Burton’s more toned down but still beautiful collections. Obviously I didn’t attempt to do justice to the former, so I tried my hand at putting together a look inspired by Sarah’s blend of delicate femininity and nomadic edge, and it went...okay? Like it’s definitely not my favourite of all the looks because it does give off slightly cheap copycat vibes buuut outside of the context of this lookbook it’s cute.

3. Brock Collection

-boater hat from Ebay, midi skirt from morganogle on Depop, corset top from ownmode_, heels from amybeckett1, bag from Primark-

Brock isn’t as well known a brand as most of the others in this list but I adore everything Laura Vassar Brock does and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and channel the vision of one of the OG pioneers of the cottagecore vibe through my own wardrobe. I mean fr, this woman’s work as a steady provider of meadow photoshoot worthy dresses and corsets and skirts is v slept on and I will not stand for it. I will sit in front of a camera and then write a paragraph in my blog post begging anybody who reads to give LVB (an abbreviation I acknowledge is unlikely to catch on because Lisa Vanderpump anybody?) some form of acknowledgement for her services to period romance novel inspired moodboards everywhere.

4. Marc Jacobs

-coat from House of Sunny, white shirt from Retro World Camden, co-ord from Sugar Thrillz, bag from Poppy Lissiman-

If there’s one thing Marc Jacobs always does, it’s COMMITS. TO. HIS. THEME. I just KNOW he has a secret Pinterest with separate boards for every fashion era of the 20th century and he is putting those boards to good use providing us with collections that are as immersive as they are eclectic year in year out. 

5. Miu Miu

-beret from H&M, hair clips from H&M, jewellery from Primark, coat from mollyyemmaa on Depop, shirt from YesStyle, sweater vest from YesStyle, skirt from Depop, diamanté belt from Brandy Melville, shoes from Koi Vegan Footwear-

We all like to talk about Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls and Barbies as fashion inspo but can we all focus on Cabbage Patch dolls for two secs so as to acknowledge the fact that a Miu Miu collection is basically all their fits grown up? And made boujie as fuck? If I want my fix of Wes Anderson meets Scream Queens (what a combo) inspired outfits, if I want prissy and girlish but also glam, if I want to look like a bratty rich girl whose one redeeming quality is her eye for vintage clothes, I know where to look and that is the Miu Miu section of Vogue Runway. 

6. Vera Wang

-blazer as in no.1, velvet bralet from catdegaris on Depop, harness from Amazon, skirt from Ebay, knee high socks from Ebay, lace up boots from Ebay-

Vera Wang’s RTW aesthetic, a blend of the ethereal, ultra-feminine bridal designs she’s known for and British style punk rock influences, is something I feel has only become firmly established in recent years but it is everything I ever wanted and more. I always find myself trying to balance the part of me that loves everything girly and delicate and pretty and the part of me that would love to be in a biker gang and Vera’s collections are always an inspirational reminder of just how well it can be done.

7. Burberry

-coat from charity shop, suit from emmafisher3 on Depop, top from simranindia, shirt underneath from Zara, jewellery from ASOS-

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Burberry but there have been a few looks over the past few years I’ve really liked and as someone who owns numerous trench coats, high necks and way too much plaid, I thought it’d be an easy one to replicate. Plus, if you can count on Riccardo Tisci for nothing else you at least can rely on him giving you some layering inspo which is very much needed in a country where it literally just snowed in April and where my plans for today have just been cancelled because the iPhone weather app did a Karen Smith and didn’t predict rain for today right up until it started raining so thanks for that one British meteorologists. Your incompetence strikes again.

8. Etro

-corset from Urban Outfitters, vinyl trench coat from Topshop, boots from Ebay, black slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, fur trim afghan coat from louisemarcella-

Like with Brock Collection, Etro isn’t a hugely well known brand, but it is always one of my favourites-to add a spanner into the works of any attempts to cultivate a firm sense of personal style, I live for the ornate Bohemian look that Etro does so well just as much as I love both grungy and girly pieces, and so I really wanted to include a brand whose collections go down that route. It was a toss-up between this and Zimmerman, the flirtier, free spirit counterpart to the dark romance of Veronica Etro’s designs; her vision really shines through the most when it comes to the brand’s winter collections, imo, and given that I live in a country where winter or some weather state resembling it does seem to take up 70% of the year, I did decide on channelling her work rather than that of the equally talented Nicky and Simone Zimmermann this time round.

9. Dolce & Gabbana

-flower crown from ASOS, tiara from Amazon, earrings from YesStyle, dress from alicealderdice1 on Depop, opera gloves from Ebay, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

D&G is a brand I felt really conflicted about doing-I don’t include their current collections in my fashion week reviews based on the actions of designers Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce over the last few years because I don’t want to mitigate the collective effort of fashion critics to push them towards irrelevancy. Though people like to claim the brand has turned a corner since Lucio Di Rosa was brought on board as the manager of celebrity and VIP relations last year (they are as prolific a force on red carpet fashion as ever), we haven’t seen any real meaningful apologies or reparations made by Dolce and Gabbana themselves which once again leaves us in the all too familiar quandary of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist especially when it is far too much of a simplification to only credit the two men for their work given there’s a whole design team behind them. There are a LOT of shitty people working in fashion, the whole industry is a bit of a cesspit if we’re honest, but I don’t think that should stop us from at least being able to appreciate old collections if we make sure we aren’t engaging in any kind of promotion of current works whilst doing so. D&G are a brand of high highs and low lows, with looks that range from hideously ugly to showstoppingly beautiful in a single show-when the looks are good, they are GOOD-and their presence in the fashion world is most definitely felt whether we want it to be or not. It would just be shit to refuse to recognise the existence of some real iconic runway moments, the practical work that went into the ornate detail and opulence that helped cement D&Gs place in sartorial history, the styling that’s made goddesses and fairytale queens out of modern day women as they’ve glided down catwalks, the far more extravagant and, let’s be real, sexier version of our world D&G shows have transported us to in the past. Will I talk about D&G ever again? No, and if you Google the scandals their brand has faced over the past few years, there are more than enough reasons why, but just this once I did want to pay homage to some of the collections, the snippets of which I saw on my Tumblr dashboard back when I was about 13, that first got me into fashion.

10. Gucci

-fur coat from Topshop, clips from Zaful, glasses from Ebay, dress from gracewright246 on Depop, shirt from Boohoo, blazer from charity shop-

Now last but, if you ever read any of my fashion week reviews (the likelihood of someone actually having read one of them and reading this is incredibly, incredibly slim lol, I wouldn’t read me either) you’ll know, definitely not least, is Gucci because Alessandro Michele comes through every!! single!! time!!

The man is truly the king of quirky throwback maximalism and it hurts my heart that a lot of people seem to think of it only as a brand associated with ostentatious displays of wealth. Year after year since Michele was made creative director he has released purposeful, fully-fleshed out collections which unravel themselves to us on the runway like time capsules containing the belongings of the rich and whimsical and yes that can sometimes result in outfits which are *ahem* a bit mismatched but it doesn’t matter because through fashion he manages to take us to a vivid version of the past where people could dress as freely and lavishly as they wanted to, into the wardrobe of a person unaffected by the side-eyeing of others. You get the impression he doesn’t design so much as plays around with some kind of enchanted dress up box and takes inspiration from there and to give that impression is only a credit to his talent-to make outfits so kooky and extravagant look like they were meant to be takes a boldness and genuine love for clothes that I do tend to feel a lot of the big name designers have lost in the pursuit of profit and the necessary placating of the dying customer base that keeps that coming in. Of course I'm not for a second saying Gucci does not care about profit, but at the very least, they have on board a creative director who genuinely has fun with what they’re putting out there and wants to make a statement too and that really shows; you can rest on your laurels and sell tweed boucle jackets to rich old white women for eternity but nobody’s going to mention your brand name and the word groundbreaking in the same sentence ever again unless they’re talking about what it was a century ago, you know (mentioning no names...unless...did I hear someone say Chanel)? That feels like such a shady way to end, lol, but I’m sure said brand will survive-to be fair, they’ve been included in every other What I’d Wear to Sit Front Row At video I’ve seen so although I’m always slagging them off for doing the saaaaame thinggggg year after year, for that same reason their aesthetic is instantly recognisable and so will always be a source of imitation. There are obviously pros and cons to being a brand which constantly reinvents itself but I think it’s totally possible to do that whilst maintaining an overall mission, and Alessandro Michele’s work at Gucci demonstrates that with ease.

Anyway, if you got to here, thanks for reading! I know I’m super behind on this whole TikTok trend and I know a Tumblr post instead of a video is a bit of a cop out but all the real, physically awkward ones out there know that watching yourself back is excruciating lmao, so I hope this does the trick. After this, I’m gonna get back to the reviewing S/S21 collections post though knowing me I’ll probs take a few days to get back into that because I feel like since I left full-time education (RIP me going back in a few months) writing continuously like this for any longer than about 15 mins fries what brain cells I have left. Again, thank you for reading and if you are, sending many good vibes your way! Stay safe!

Lauren x