#then the tooth that i paid the huge bill for broke in half

[murdochia]

Lads, I thought I was in a real fanfic scenario and I'm obviously not 😓. I know I haven't been very active, and this isn't the content yall signed up for but, I've been living life during the hiatus. I'm friends with someone that I had a crush on who then offered to kiss me and cuddled me and totally took it back the next time we talked . Which, btw, is fine because we are still friends but now I'm even more touch starved and love-lorn to the point of going through the process of making tinder and then right before finishing my account realized it was stupid. I'm in the middle of nowhere where im related to half the population with no car and with my job being what it is there is no way I want to be on any dating apps. Also, I'm not really a dating app person, I fall in love in a weird way and I thought that was happening and it was not, at least not on his end. How do you do love? How do you do life?? I'm really hoping the new 911 season will bring me out of my funk🤞

[content-to-convert]

VIDEO DIDN’T KILL THE RADIO STAR...

VIDEO DIDN’T KILL THE RADIO STAR it just made him dress nicer 

By Pat Mellon 

Speaking of your brand evolving, PODCASTS are now a wise bullet to have in the arsenal of promotional weapons. In the early 2000's, for instance, you didn't have the option to record and distribute a PODCAST. The technology didn't exist to even IDENTIFY, much less create one- if you typed PODCAST into an email in 2002, it would have been flagged as a misspelling. 

But now, thanks to Audioblogging, re-branded as PODCASTING thanks to the iPOD, you can reach a targeted captive audience in a car on a long commute, with content that they've actually sought out. It's essentially a radio infomercial for the lifestyle of your product, without the PAID-PROGRAMMING aftertaste. Plenty of people have been slow to warm to the idea of such self-promotion and have waited to see if the technology and its effectiveness sustained or if it waned, the way QR codes did, or video discs did until the invention of the DVD. It can be an amazingly powerful part of your brand. 

Many rejected podcasting, as I did initially, as a waste of energy. In fairness, early on when there were no networks for podcasting and its business model was less focused than now, it smacked of self-congratulatory volunteer work. I saw it as an infringement on my profession. I have 15 years of radio hosting experience. I saw podcasts as competition. In my short-sighted view then, I didn't see the full potential of a podcast. I just saw it as people wanting my job. But as time went on, I began to see the ways, at least in terms of in-car entertainment, that podcasting was the future. And like the cryptic fortune cookie says, "Kill Your Darlings". Or maybe go with the less-confusing, "Reinvent Your Business Constantly. The End Goal May Be The Same But The Tools and Methods Evolve Constantly" which is a Ken Tucker quote I saw on a Snapple Cap. Or even the more direct, "You Have To Reinvent To Stay Fresh and In The Game" which Madonna said once. 

But early on, I saw it as the enemy - the way news journalists must have felt when FREELANCERS started getting a lot of the work in the late 90's. I thought, "If all you need to broadcast is a computer and an opinion, why the hell did I major in Broadcasting? It's like everyone becoming a Youtuber or a Social Media Influencer (seriously, that is NOT a good name. It's just saying what you're doing. It lacks creativity, like naming the glass thing you drink out of a "glass". Or the room with the bed a "bedroom". Or the thing you swing on a "swing". Or the... Sorry-I'll move on.) Anybody can become a Social Media Influencer these days, (and if they're under 14 and haven't been trying for half their lives then you might want to make sure they're breathing) and that means fame, sometimes money, but more important: LIKES. I overheard my 8 year-old playing with her friends and they were pretending there was a genie or something granting wishes and one girl asked for a pony, and another asked for a house of chocolate, and my daughter asked for a million LIKES on her video. LIKES are currency for pre-teen popularity. And LIKES or even merely PAGE VIEWS can be currency in the grown-up world of business. My point is that anyone with a computer and a camera can make money on Youtube if they hustle. It's simply the new normal. It's great, if not dangerous. We've yet to see the fallout of a generation raised on Youtubing, unless, of course, you count cautionary tales like Logan Paul or Jo Jo Siwa, both of whom are rich. It's simply another entertainment option for kids. I kinda thought podcasting was that, but for adults who only wanted quasi-fame; to show-off. But it's bigger than that.

If you're a plumber, for instance, and you want to maximize business, you probably want a decent social media footprint, some solid YELP reviews, and maybe even a podcast. Toilet clogged? Click here for an interview with master plumbers from all over. It's not the ONLY thing you should do. It's ONE of the things you should do.

On the consumer side, you have to realize that traffic, especially the bumper-to-bumper kind, is GOLD to a radio talk show host. People listen the most in their cars, so DJ's in New York and Los Angeles, the #1 and #2 radio markets depending on who you ask*, for instance, who entertain on the radio, are always on their toes to stay funny and relevant because it's so easy to push a button and change the station.

Then suddenly there was a new game in town. People were bypassing the radio altogether and plugging external sources into car sound systems, removing the commercials and unwanted Morning Zoo shenanigans, and rendering my entire college education and training void. My only hope was wishing death to the podcast movement, which I think I did a couple of times on the radio accompanied by a sound effect of a toilet flushing (Take THAT, Podcasting!). It didn't work. I kept hearing the word. Podcast. (eerie voice) PODD CAAAST! My head was in the sand. People would say to me, "you should do a podcast" and I'd cringe and wildly swing fists at imaginary ghosts who were accusing me of "Resting on your laurels" and "Holding on too tight.”

It took a while, but I get the appeal and, more importantly, the power of the Podcast. It's like a book-on-tape for the 21st century- 10 times as cool, though, because it's technologically relevant, and can be different every time you listen. So we agree that podcasts are real. And we acknowledge that there is room for many things on the dashboard of a car, be them outlets, or additional buttons. And we agree that the the way we do business is always changing and we have to adapt to some degree. So why all the hub bub? Because we can't have an intelligent conversation about the delicate existence of Podcasts without talking about Shane Gillis, the comedian who was hired and fired by Saturday Night Live in the same week last year. We need to understand the power of what it was that torpedoed his streetcar (tune into Mixed Metaphors with Pat Mellon Tuesdays on The Podd Couple, right after Poddamnit at 8, and Pod of Thunder with Gene Simmons at 8:17) He and a buddy do this show, this podcast, it's like a radio show but you don't listen to it on your grandpa's Victrola, you tether your MP3 player to the radio inside grandpa's Camry, and there's bad language, which there never is on traditional, boring old dumb talk radio, so right away, it's awesome (honestly, the only difference between Howard Stern on radio and Howard Stern on satellite is the F word) and the internet allows curses and take that, Mr. Suit and Tie, and this is going to be amazing. And on one particular show from 2018, Gillis said "chink" when describing someone in Chinatown. Not a huge scandal, but I guess you'd have to ask Roseanne Barr if the internet can get you into to any kind of trouble. She was exiled from the the entire US for a social media post that mentioned race and monkeys. And the same new normal that allows John Q. Anybody to do a podcast ALSO watches everything you do online and will sink you if it sees something it does not like. America can be confusing that way. Freedom of speech and freedom of complaining about freedom of speech are always at each other's throats, it seems. And you can't have it both ways. The guy who alerted the world to Bill Cosby's dating rituals online is loved by many but is also shunned by others, but that guy knows what he did and he knows not to complain about the ones who, well, complain. It's the price you pay.

The point is, you need to constantly be hustling and using all of technology’s modern tools to get your product out (they’re not burning DVD’s anymore) and maybe one of those avenues is a podcast with salty language, and maybe that podcast exists among your body of work that clients can enjoy whenever they want.

But we live in a new age of retroactive outrage. Eddie Murphy was on SNL and is arguably the most talented person the show has produced. He did a stand-up special in which he explores “What if Mr. T were a Faggot?” It was inflammatory and it was insensitive and it was homophobic (though that buzzword was still a decade from conception) because the premise of the joke- the attribution of homosexual behavior to a big, strong, black man being marginalized as solely predatory sodomy - crossed the line. When I spell it out like that it looks horrible. But it’s a simple comedic device: assigning unlikely behavior to someone for comedic purposes. It’s the fish-out-of-water gag. It’s why we had Mork, and Alf, and Balkie from Perfect Strangers. It’s Freaky Friday. It’s why The Rock playing a babysitter or a tooth fairy is funny. Murphy did this AFTER he was on SNL. But if has been released before he auditioned, do you think he’d have been hired? 

  Of course he would have. Because the Mr. T thing was a small part of that special (though, I recall, an extremely quotable part) and the people who didn’t like or appreciate the language didn’t have the bionic megaphone of the internet so they could get their outrage all over your conscience. The point is that your podcast is a reflection of your brand. You have to weigh your desire to speak freely and loosely with your desire to keep the Cancel Culture at bay. At a MINIMUM, though, you should keep things clean for your clients, listeners, and most importantly, your potential customers. Shane Gillis missed out of being on SNL and fame, instead on infamy because he broke one of society's biggest rules:he said something controversial out loud. Granted, it was in bad taste, but if that were a crime half of us would be in jail. It's just important to remember that your language on a work-based podcast should be professional, which I realize cannot be defined easily, but maybe stay away from slang and cursing. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.

[crunchie-morris]

Flyin'

Okay, I haven't published anything in f o r e v e r. I've got a prompt in my inbox I'm gonna try and write tonight, but if I don't end up finishing that, I wanted to get something out! So here's an old Jackcrutchie oneshot I wrote way back before I had Tumblr. Enjoy! ••• "Mmph," Crutchie frowned and poked his tooth with his tongue. "Mmph, mmph, mmmph...ow!" "Stop messin' with your tooth," Jack scolded, elbowing his friend. "Didn't you just tell me it hurt like hell?" "Yeah," Crutchie said, still poking his tooth. "But, it's gonna hurt more tomorrow." "Ah, you'll be fine," Jack chuckled. "I mean, you're Crutchie Morris. If you can take on that leg of yours, you can take on a root canal." Crutchie grinned at Jack half-heartedly. Then, he stood up,pausing for a moment to feel the cool New York air on his face. "Thanks. I should be gettin' to bed, though. Night, Jack. See you in the mornin'?" Jack looked up from his drawing for a moment to glance at Crutchie, whose face was etched with worry, as it had been all evening. "Of course. I'm the one takin' ya there, after ya tomorrow, Crutch." Crutchie smirked as left the roof and saluted Jack. "See ya." Jack saluted Crutchie back with one more encouraging smile before turning back to his sketchbook. Crutchie had spent the whole evening refusing to admit how nervous he was for his dentist's appointment the next day. "Technically, it's an endodontist," Crutchie had corrected when Jack had called it a dentist's appointment. "And, anyway, I suppose I'm lucky. If it weren't for Kloppman, I probably woulda done nothin' about my tooth, and that'd be no good. But, he actually paid for this, and that ain't cheap, so I better be grateful." "You got every right to be scared, though," Jack assured him. "Not that you won't be fine, though." A smirk appeared on his face as he added, "You know, the worst that's probably gonna happen to ya is you'll be all loopy from the medicine they give ya. That'll be entertaining." Crutchie grinned and rolled his eyes. "Whatever you do, don't put me on YouTube." "Aw, come on!" Jack feigned disappointment. "You could be the next viral sensation!" Crutchie chuckled and shook his head. "No thanks." Jack had patted him on the back and said, "Trust me, Crutch, you'll be a-okay." ••• "Morris, Andrew?" Crutchie's nervous foot-tapping stopped immediately as he looked up, fear crossing his freckled features. "You'll be fine," Jack gave Crutchie an encouraging smile. "For sure?" Crutchie asked, biting his lip. "For sure," Jack echoed. With that, the two made their way to the front desk. The clerk looked at Jack curiously. "Are you his guardian?" She asked. "You look quite young, sir." "Eh, kind of?" Jack offered. "His bills and stuff are probably marked under Kloppman, that's our group home director, but he's got a ton of other boys to look after, so I'm here in his place. I'm almost eighteen, though, Miss, plus I already got the papers signed by him." The clerk nodded understandingly. "Well, if you've got the papers, that should work just fine, then." "Wait, what kinda papers did he have to sign?" Crutchie asked, trying to hide his anxious tone. "Just some legal things, Mr. Morris," The clerk answered. Crutchie nodded, and quickly said, "Yeah, right, legal stuff, I knew that. Just boring, legal stuff, of course, it don't have anything to do with this procedure bein' dangerous." The clerk laughed good-naturedly. "You're in good hands, Andrew. Don't worry." "I ain't worried!" Crutchie shoved a grin on his face. "No, ma'am, not me! I'se just, uh, reassurin' Jack here." Jack rolled his eyes. "Remind me never to let you become an actor." ••• Jack sat in the waiting room, twiddling his thumbs as he awaited Crutchie's arrival. He had to admit, Crutchie's nerves may or may not have rubbed off on him, so he was now quite antsy as watched the clock. "Mr. Kelly?" Jack looked up, relieved to see them walking Crutchie in. "Crutchie!" He grinned, jogging over to his friend. Crutchie blinked several times as he looked at Jack, before his face turned up in a smirk. "Hey there, Jack!" "He did a great job," The nurse announced. "Now, he's probably going to be a little out of it for the next few hours, but once the medicine wears off, give him Ibuprofen and allow him to ice his face." "Will do,Miss," Jack said, taking Crutchie's arm and heading out. "Thank you!" Crutchie wobbled on his feet, looking down and stepping very carefully. His features turned up in another grin as he said, his words muffled by the cotton in his mouth, "Everythin's all...spinny, Jack." "Yeah, I'm sure it is," Jack replied, giving his friend an amused look. Crutchie tripped over his crutch suddenly, and Jack caught him just before he hit the ground. After the initial shock wore off, Crutchie broke out into giddy laughter. Jack couldn't help but laugh, too. "You need some help there, bud?" He offered. "I can carry ya if you wa-" "No!" Crutchie cut him off firmly. As Jack eased him upright again, he looked over at the older boy, blinking rapidly. "No way. Ain't no one carryin' me...never!" Jack rolled his eyes. "Even all drugged-up, you'se gotta be Mr. Independent, huh?" Crutchie nodded. "I got this." He announced, scrunching his face up with determination. Jack laughed again and the two made their way outside. It took a while, but they eventually got to the car and began on their way back to their home. Crutchie was silent for most of the ride, staring intently at the dashboard. Jack gave him a sideways glance. "You okay, pal?" "If-if we woke up with, with, like, superpowers," He began slowly in a serious tone. "Do ya think that-that we'd, we would all be able to fly? Or like, only some people could, like celebrities?" He paused before adding, "I bet Idina Menzel would be able to fly. She's cool like that." Jack felt a grin spread across his face. "I dunno, Crutchie. What do you think?" Crutchie looked deep in thought. He thought hard before responding, "I think that like...you could only fly if you believe you can fly." "Like in Peter Pan?" Jack asked, bemused. Crutchie's face lit up. "Yeah! Jus' like that!" He silent for a moment more before continuing,"Maybe...that's how things are right now, but no one, nobody...no one thinks they can, so-so nobody can! Ya know? I bet we can fly, but none-no, nobody believes that we can." Jack tried, but ultimately failed, to hide a snigger. Crutchie frowned. "See, see that's what I mean! You don't believe it, you think I'se jokin', but-but...but...what was I sayin', Jack?" As they pulled up next to the group home, Jack snuck a glance at Crutchie. "Flyin'?" He prompted. Crutchie broke out in a huge smile. "Oh, that sounds neat!" He exclaimed. "Yeah, flyin', that would, that'd be cool. That's what I was talkin' about." Jack shook his head at his delirious friend. "Sure was." ••• Once they got inside, Jack helped Crutchie to his bunk. Just before he was going to leave the younger one to rest, Jack heard a laugh from behind him. He turned around to face a massively-grinning Crutchie. "What's so funny?" Crutchie giggled. "You...ya look so funny." Jack smirked involuntarily. "What do ya mean?" "All...all blurry," Crutchie explained, gesturing to Jack. "And the room is still all-all spinny and it's so funny." "Well, I've been told I look quite good when I'm blurry, for the record," Jack teased, sitting on the edge of Crutchie's bed. Crutchie let his laughter die out before softly asking, "Can ya tell me about-bout that place?" "What place?" Jack asked. "The one with all the buildings," Crutchie slurred,, blinking over and over. "The ones with the clay, ya know? And the paintings you make and the green...ya know, the place?" "Santa Fe?" Jack grinned. "That's it!" Crutchie smiled. "Yeah, Santa Fe! I like it when you'se talkin'...talkin' all about that place 'cause when I'm all sad or mad- hey, that rhymed! But-but...when I'se upset, you talk about Santa Fe and then I feel happy. More than happy. Because...it's 'cause I know that you'se gonna keep me safe, 'cause you...ya tell me about Santa Fe, and you don't tell the other boys that much about Santa Fe! And, when we'se talkin' 'bout, about Santa Fe, you tell me the other things that you would never say to anybody else, and I say the things I'd never tell anyone-anyone else, and you never tell the other fellas what I says. So-so, that way, I know you really trust me, so I...I can really trust you. I'se never been able to really trust anyone before, 'cause they all leave. You know that. But, you'se...you'se real different. And, that's just great. So great." Jack felt a smile- a true, genuine smile- on his face for the first time in a long time. He looked at Crutchie, who smiled back hopefully. Laying back on the pillow next to Crutchie, he began, "Alright, I'm gonna need ya to close your eyes." Crutchie obliged eagerly. "Good," Jack responded, closing his eyes, too. "Now, come with me to a place where it's clean and green and pretty, and they went and made a city outta clay." He continued painting the city for Crutchie with his words until he felt a weight on his shoulder. Jack looked down to see that Crutchie was out cold, using Jack as his pillow. Jack smirked and muttered, "Maybe if ya dream hard enough, you can fly to Santa Fe." ••• Crutchie woke up to a heavy aching in his mouth. He groaned and rolled over, ready to attempt to sleep again, when his eyes landed upon a bowl of ice cream and a note on his nightstand. Smiling softly, he picked up the note and read, "Crutchie, I didn't put you on YouTube. You totally would have gone viral, though; you were hilarious. Sorry I couldn't stay with you, I had to go get the schoolwork we missed. (The next time Mr. Pulitzer says I'm irresponsible, show him this!) But, the nurse said to ice your mouth, so I brought you some ice cream, 'cause, hey, it's got the word " ice" in it. -Jack" Below that, Jack had doodled a small, smiling boy with a crutch and word bubble that said, "Flyin' sounds neat!" Crutchie shook his head and grinned. He was just about to roll over and go back to sleep when he noticed a little more text at the bottom. "P.S. I bet you don't remember any of the stuff you said about Santa Fe, but, if you do, thanks." Before going back to sleep, Crutchie quickly jotted down on the back of the note, "I don't remember anything I said, but if it was about Santa Fe, I meant every word."

[clitorista]

So I met this really strong witch Sarah when I was a teenager, through one of the most awful, horrible, abusive people I’ve ever known. He met her while he was away at college, and he was my best friend at the time and had yet to show his full crazy. I was 16 and he was 19, and she was 19 and I was absolutely enamored of her. She was wonderful, she didn’t judge, she seemed very Light and Kind, and I stayed as in contact with her as I could over the years.  We only checked in off and on throughout the years after she fell out of touch with Rowan, and he had been growing more and more controlling and abusive over the years towards me, so I wasn’t /allowed/ to talk to people he didn’t like or it escalated his behavior. In 2013 when I was 26 I finally broke free of him because he went to prison for assaulting a toddler. [Long story there, might be kinda tangentially related to my long streak of negative luck, actually. He was a powerful witch, too] When Harmony and I moved out together into our own apartment in 2015, things were hard. They were my PCA, and that was the only income we had besides my SSI, because they were in grad school and finishing it up. They were commuting an hour one way to school each day, spending $400 a month on a commuter rail pass, and our rent was half of our income, our car payment was another $300 a month, and then utilities, and groceries, and the money they had to spend on things FOR school... It was a fucking mess. About two months after we moved into that apartment, Sarah contacted me. She wanted to come by and see how I was doing, and show me some new makeup stuff she had. She was a Mary Kay consultant, and I had [out of kindness, not because I supported Mary Kay, or liked makeup] given a part for her a few years before. She wanted to see about following up with that, and honestly that party she had held for me the few years before had kickstarted my obsession with makeup. I’d already outpacecd the Mary Kay quality stuff, but I wanted to be kind to a friend I’d had so long, and so I let her come and bring all of her goods. We had a little extra money because it was in between both of our birthdays, so we bought some stuff from her and figured that would be it. But then she asked me to join her team. I told her I wasn’t interested, because I wasn’t able to travel to do parties, being a wheelchair user would make it impossible for me to access most people’s houses. She insisted, and talked me into it, telling me I could hold parties at my house, and all of my ordering could be done through my company website. I wouldn’t have to hold any product stock, and I’d be able to /make extra money/ that we so desperately needed. I tried for about a month, and wasn’t bringing in any orders, so she devised a plan. I would be her personal assistant and help her run /her/ Mary Kay business, and she would make orders in my name to keep me active, and then would pay me $300 a month under the table for us to be able to afford groceries because we /weren’t/ at the time, and I kept getting denied SNAP benefits.  This seemed like a sure fire thing, so I agreed to try it out. Within the month, she had started shirking her duties of on boarding people, and I was running the facebook launches, and teaching people all of the stuff they needed to know to run their businesses. She kept going to Mary Kay seminars, and I had to transcribe her notes, both from her private notebooks, and from her audio notes. It was fine, because I type quickly and accurately and I’m actually really quite good at that. The problem with everything was, she kept getting more and more erratic. She’s a very powerful Christian Witch who works with the Archangels, and that was fine to us while we were on her good side... She bought us witchy gifts, she helped Harmony hone their craft and bring me back to my practice that I’d let lapse.  She slowly stopped going out to do in person launch parties. She would just completely abandon the girls whose parties were supposed to happen the day of them, and leave me to tell them how to run them and to field any texts that came from them, or any vox messages. Her marriage was falling apart, she couldn’t keep a job.... Which was unlike her, and unusual for her. She grew up in a very wealthy family, went to school and got a ton of tech certs, and had always had a 6 figure job. She stopped going to work. She lost at least two jobs in the three months everything spanned over.  In those three months, she paid me $100, once. I’ve obviously got serious mental illnesses, and am physically disabled and just couldn’t keep up with running a business, let alone one that was not benefiting me at all. I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore, because it wasn’t working for me and it was driving me into the ground, and she did not take it well. She got incredibly angry, and said some really derogatory things about how poor Harmony and I are, and she got some of her stuff from our house but never came back for others. We thought we had gotten rid of all of it in the immediate aftermath.  FFW a little adn Harmony has graduated grad school with a degree in Clinical Psychology. They get hired at a very well acclaimed youth counseling program, and they start working right away. We move into a fancy new apartment that’s huge, and on the top floor of an 8 story building. It’s late June when we move in, and the central air is apparently not working. They tell us to keep our windows open, and fans going because it’s an unbelievably hot outside, even for that time of year. We do so, not knowing our windowscreens are breakaway and our boy cat, who is only a year old at this time, falls out of the window. He broke his pelvis/hip and ended up in kitty ICU for a week, and having a pin put in his hip.  He survived, and is just fine now.  Harmony and I have always had chronic health issues we’ve tried to be taken seriously about by doctors, and always had them brushed off. In 2016 they start worsening, rapidly. Well, mine didn’t get so bad so quickly, but Harmony’s fucking bottomed out all at once. In 2016/2017 I was 29-30, and Harmony was 24-25 so it was weird /how/ bad it got, how quickly. They were working their high stress job, that was focused very minutely on productivity, and they kept asking for accommodations for their disabilities and being hand waved off. They had been FINE and then all of a sudden were very NOT FINE. They scheduled meeting after meeting with their supervisors and they were told to just find ways to manage, and they did their best to keep up with their unrealistic productivity expectations. People were quitting the company left and right because they were working their people into the ground, but we couldn’t afford for Harmony to quit because I can’t work, and our bills are too much. In 2018 they were finally fired for their disabilities, which their company completely openly admitted.  Their last year working there, after Trump changed the tax laws, their job didn’t withhold enough, and they ended up owing $3000 dollars to the government that year. They applied for unemployment, and were told they were entitiled to it. The unemployment agency did /not/ walk them through the paper work the right way, and when they filled it out there was no option given for them to list their part time job as my PCA. They collected unemployment for about six months, and at the end of the six months started looking for another job. Nowhere was hiring, and they took the only job that accepted them, a fee-for-service clinician job. It promised that they were going to have a full caseload of 25 clients within 6 months, and that then they would be salaried. That never happened. They’re still working with a partial caseload, and making barely any money.  In the past 4 years, a /ton/ of other fucked up shit has happened to us besides both of our health. [Mine ended up rapidly deteriorating in the past year and a half, btw.. worse than it was before. Even worse in the past six months.]. Our brakes went twice on our car that we’ve only owned for four years as of this month. We hit a pothole so hard and deep that it broke our wheel, and completely fucked up our alignment. Our battery randomly died, more than once, and then finally completely shit the bed January 2019 on the coldest day of the year. Our radiator started leaking antifreeze due to loose hoses.  Harmony has had a bunch of weird, wild, fucked up shit happen to their mouth. They’ve broken both of the crowns they got in 2016, they broke a tooth and had to have it extracted. Dental phobia is like their biggest phobia, and they literally can’t even talk about dental procedures.  We just kept running into emergency after emergency that cost $500+, with no way to pay for them ourselves. We also ran up our credit cards to completely maxed out, and defaulted on them because we had no other option and needed to use them for groceries and gas and living essentials. This job they’re still currently at [ but leaving at the end of apri ] has never paid more than $500 takehome for two weeks of work. They were getting paid $30 an hour before the past few months when a raise of $2.50 happened. The thing is, as a fee-for-service clinician, they only get paid if they HAVE sessions. They get paid nothing for paperwork, they get paid $17 an hour for collateral work, and for their supervision. We’ve had to fundraise a ton of different times through mutual aid groups, and take money from my parents to make ends meet.  There was just a lot of little stuff that went wrong, as well, and a huuuuuge falling out between Harmony and their parents over our Christmas vacation and they haven’t spoken since because of some really passive aggressive ass letters their parents wrote them.  We’ve both had a lot of negative interactions with doctors, a lot of health problems, doctors telling us we’re just fat and that’s where all of our problems are stemming from... Obviously that’s bullshit, and we’ve both tested for there being ACTUAL THINGS WRONG but still aren’t getting taken seriously. It got so bad, and we were struggling so hard no matter what we did, we came to the conclusion we had /definitely/ been hexed/cursed. I tried mirror charms, to reflect it back, I tried shielding stuff. I tried some banishing stuff. None of it worked. For the past year Sarah has been sending me emails that have no info in their body, and their subject line is always “Is this still you, Nikki?” And I accidentally opened the first one without realizing it was “empty”, and haven’t opened any since, and have them directly deflected to my spam folder now.  On Valentines I was presented with the PERFECT opportunity for some NAME MAGICK. San Antonio Zoo was offering this fundraising effort “Name a cockroach and we’ll feed it to our animals for $5. You can name a mouse for more, and we’ll feed it to our snakes.”  I named a fucking cockroach after Sarah, with her last name attached, and things MAGICKALLY started getting better. Just before Valentines is when we found out they weren’t renewing our lease, after Valentines we started looking for somewhere new to live and had a hard time finding somewhere that met our requirements, but as soon as we did and applied with my mum cosigning [because our credit scores suck from tanking them being jobless], we got accepted. Harmony found a new job too, after having been applying to them for months. It’s not a GREAT job, it’s a call center job at Spectrum cable, but it will be stable pay, with the same hours every week, and the same pay every paycheck. Which is what we need the most so we can keep our budget on board.  Some random problems have obviously come up with these situations, being that their current day job is basically non-existent because even their boss isn’t answering their calls for their sessions/supervision. They got one session in in their first week of work from home, and their boss didn’t answer their supervision call. We haven’t received our lease to sign yet, despite the fact we’re moving on the 4th, and found out today it’s because they didn’t have some paperwork from my Mum that they didn’t tell us they needed until today, after I asked them about why we hadn’t gotten it yet... We’ve fixed that, and they’ll have them all on Tuesday.  But there was a literal air of Negative Anxiety for the past 4 years, we sniped at each other a lot and had to learn a lot of really good communications skills. Now it feels a lot lighter, and more positive, and we’re arguing less even though we’ve been in the house together for 22 days straight. We’re getting along really well, and still being really supportive of one another with all of our anxieties, and traumas. We’ve been so good together, and putting all of the work of the past four years into this month, and it’s working so well. And things are finally looking up.  My Tarot and runes keep telling me I’ve got financial stability, material gain, wealth, romantic love, and life stability, home and hearth, and family. It’s fucking w i l d and I don’t know what to make of any of it. It’s also pointing towards the love coming from someone already close to me, which I definitely realized I’m in love with one of our best friends recently, so there’s that.

[everythingtranspires]

So this happened today. Well not quite just today, but more like over the course of 3 weeks.

So Lion’s Poker Palace has been running this promotion for 6 months now since January where you earn points for playing tournaments and besting the field of 50-100 players each day and earn points. At the end of the promotion, if you are the top 30 out of 500ish players you are enrolled into a 30 man tournament where you are guaranteed $1000 each.

The last 10 out of the 30 players remaining will be bought into the most coveted Poker tournament: the World Series of Poker; $10,000 buy in Main Event. Yes. The Main event. The one you see on TV. The one where 1st wins $8,000,000. Even 10th gets close to $1,000,000. Hell 800th gets $25,000.

So everyone has been hard at work grinding these tournaments and earning points since January. I, on the other hand have been playing cash. I was earning about $8000 a month playing cash games so I just figured I could buy my self in. I played here and there and got about 70 points by Mid April and stopped and focused on Cash games and took shots at big tournaments (that my bankroll definitely barely afford.. $1500, $750, $1000 buy ins) and had a huge down swing month in cash (-$6000). Coupled with a wisdom tooth that started to grow in and required a $2000 procedure to remove, my $25,000 bankroll* that I have built up dwindled to $2,000 after i paid my bills. (I also went to vegas for a bachelor’s party and spent a bit there, booked a disney trip with my son because he deserves it, and bought some goodies for the Lexus IS-F.)

Burnt out, broke, and pissed at my self for splurging, I looked at my options. I can call people who has offered to stake me in smaller tournaments and convince them to stake me in a $10,000 one, or play my ass off and win a seat through Lions. I hopped in the car, drove to Lions and looked for my name on the list…. 47th. 30th had 92 points, and I had a measly 67. I had a lot of work to do.

For 3 weeks I played my ass off and battled through my wisdom tooth post OP pain, going from my 9 to 5 job straight to the poker house and grinded these tournaments. I played a total of 17 tournaments and final tabled 14 of them, and cashed for around $6,000. Earned my staker* $6,000. and earned a grand total of 56 points. By Sunday June 10th (last day of the race) i had 113 points and 30th had 117. I needed to final table this last day and tie for 30th and get into the 30 man tournament for the 10 seats. All the grind, the late nights, the tired days at work, the moments i just want to give Up. I could have given up. But i didn’t. Just to give you an idea, The BEST player, rank #1 on the top 30 list has 220 points. He earned it over 6 months.. Meaning he earned an average of 36 points a month. In two weeks i was able to rack up 60 points.. An equivalent of 120 points a month. When I did make it today half the whole Poker house including dealers who knew what was going on stood up and applauded. Some came over and shook my hand. A dealer even bought my dinner. It was surreal. Things are looking up.. what a time to be alive.

Next week, we have to best 20 of the 30 best players in Houston. Lets get it.

Staker:  Person who buys you into a tournament, and gets 50% of winnings. Cuts my risk since I have no bank roll

Bankroll: Your funds you use to play Poker with. It is not to be touched for recreational purposes. A sufficient bankroll is 10 times the normal buy-in of a cash game or 100 times the buy in of a tournament.

Example: I play 1/3 no limit cash games with a 400 buy-in typically. I should have a bank roll of $4,000 MINIMUM. Preferably 20 times, which is $8,000.

I also play $150 buy-in tournaments, My bankroll should be $15,000.