#then sad again because I'll never be able to share this news with my dad

[warrior-of-sunlight]

It's already been a year since my dad passed away and it really doesn't feel like it has been that long. I've not been doing well at all this last year to be honest, both mentally and physically, I'm not sure how to fix it. But I'm trying to enjoy things when I can.

One of those things I'm trying to enjoy is me finally moving out tomorrow. Social housing is a disaster here and even though I've been on a waiting list since I was 19 I'd still have to wait a few years before I'd be able to rent a place that way. But because of my dad that is now irrelevant since I was able to buy my own place with my share of the inheritance. Which feels insane, I never thought that was possible for me. But I now own a house, it's actually mine. It's one of the cheapest possible houses on the market that is not in need of a total makeover and on the other side of the country. But family members from both my dads and my moms side live close to there so that's good. It still needs some work though and I might open up commissions in a few weeks to help with that. But I got really lucky with this particular house I think. My dads last gift to me.

But for tonight I'm allowing myself a nice glass of wine and a good cry in my dads memory.

[cutielando]

hold me close until i die ~ harry potter

synopsis: in which Harry loses you forever

warnings!!: mentions of reader death, grief, sadness

my masterlist

Being on the run was taking a toll on all of you.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and you had been searching for Horcruxes for weeks and you were starting to lose hope of ever finding them all.

You were tired, you were drained of every ounce of will and hope, you were missing home more than anything. You missed the warmth you felt while cuddling with your blanket next to the fire, the taste of hot chocolate, the comfort of your bed, the feeling of safety that home provided you.

Your mood drop was visible to the three of your friends, but especially to Harry.

You didn't want to tell Harry that you couldn't do it anymore, that you wanted nothing more than to go home and leave everything behind you.

"What's wrong?" he asked you one night when he found you outside of your shared tent, looking at the black sky.

"Nothing" you mumbled, but you knew he wouldn't believe you.

"Love, I know you, I know when something is wrong. You know you can tell me anything" he sat down next to you and pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you in order to keep you warm.

"Promise you're not going to hate me?" you said in a small voice, looking up at him with big eyes.

"I could never hate you"

You sighed, thinking of ways to break the news to him in the nicest way possible, careful not to hurt his feelings.

"I just, I can't do it anymore. I can't keep living on the run like this, I'm not made for this. I want to go home, I want to wrap myself in my favorite blanket and stay near the fire, I want to laugh with my Mom and play Quidditch with my Dad. I want to go back to my old life, but I also know how important this is to you and I didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that I don't want to do this any longer"

You couldn't see Harry's face because your face was buried in his chest, but you could tell that he heard you loud and clear by the way his posture changed.

Nobody talked for a moment, the only thing that could be heard was the faint conversation Ron and Hermione were having.

"I understand. I know you, I could tell that you weren't happy about this. I'm not mad, if that's what you're scared of. As soon as we're able to be on the move again, we'll drop you off at home and continue by ourselves. I don't want to come with us if you don't feel safe. I love you, and your safety and well-being are always going to be my top priority" when he finished with a kiss on your head, you let out a big sigh of relief.

You were so glad that he wasn't mad at you. You loved him more than anything and you truly wanted to help him, but it's not the lifestyle you wanted, no matter how much you wanted to trick yourself into believing it was right for you.

"I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I just didn't think it would be this hard, being away from everyone I love and constantly worrying if I'm going to live to see tomorrow" you said, looking out in the distance at the quiet forest.

"I know. I should have known it was not going to be easy, for any of us, but especially for you three because you have people at home that you care about and I don't. But don't worry, as soon as we can get moving, I'll take you home"

"Thank you" you rested your forehead against his, savoring the quiet moment you had with your boyfriend.

♡♡♡♡♡

It had been a couple of days after your conversation with Harry and Hermione had informed everyone that it was finally safe for you to get moving again.

You had talked to everyone about your plan and they were surprisingly supportive, understanding how much you needed to go home.

On the day when you would finally be leaving, the trio was packing up the tent and stashing everything in their bags while you were standing outside the tent, watching for any anomalies.

A twig breaking in the distance ruined the thick silence of the trees, making you stiffen and grip your wand tighter into your hand.

"Hello?" you called out, distancing yourself from the tent and walking deeper into the forest.

Another twig snapped, this time from your right. You turned around but you didn't see anyone. Just as you let out a sigh and went to turn around, you felt something hard hit you over the head, making you fall down to the ground and hold your now bleeding head.

"Hello, Y/N. Remember me?" a distant voice filled your ears, but you couldn't place it.

Your vision had gone blurry and you were starting to feel lightheaded, the blood loss starting to affect you.

Before you could do anything else, you felt your eyelids go heavy and close, the last thing you heard being your boyfriend screaming for you in the distance.

♡♡♡♡♡

When you regained consciousness, you had a splitting headache and you could barely gather enough strength to open your eyes.

"Y/N" you heard someone whisper your name from afar, and you desperately tried to open your eyes and see where the voice was coming from.

"Y/N, please open your eyes" another voice whispered, and it sounded awfully familiar.

"Love, please open your eyes and look at me" a third voice was heard, and you finally recognized it to belong to your boyfriend.

You managed to open your eyes a little, the blurry figures of your 3 friends slowly coming into view. They were on the other side of the room, their hands and legs tied with chains to the wall.

"Where are we? What the bloody hell happened?" your voice was hoarse, and you held a hand to your head, trying to soothe the throbbing in your head.

"Snatchers, found us in the forest. Caught us when we exited the tent after Harry yelled your name. The next thing we knew, we woke up here" Ron explained in a hushed voice, looking around to make sure there was nobody to overhear your conversation.

"Damn it. Are you alright?" you asked, resting your head against the cold wall and looking over to them.

They looked just as bad as you felt. There were bruises on their arms, mud all over their clothes.

"We're fine, you took the hardest hit in the head" Hermione looked at your head worriedly.

"Well, well, well. What a nice family reunion" the teasing voice of Bellatrix filled the filthy room where you were, her footsteps echoing and coming closer and closer.

"Unlike you, we actually have a family" Ron grumbled, struggling against the chains his hands were tied with.

"Little Weasley has got a tongue, how cute. Y/N, how are you doing, my darling? How's your little head?" she turned her attention to you, cocking her head and looking at you with a satisfied smirk.

"My head is fine" you mumbled through gritted teeth, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of seeing just how much pain you were in.

"Well, we can't have that, can we? After all, you didn't come here to feel at home" she approached you and stuck a hand inside her robes, pulling out a dagger and twirling it around in her hand.

"Don't you dare touch her, you vile bitch" Hermione screamed, thrashing against the chains.

"Shut your mouth, you filthy little Mudblood, or you'll be next. Now, Y/N, are there any last words you would like to say to your friends? Maybe to your little boyfriend?"

You turned your head and looked straight at Harry, tears streaming down your face as you came to terms with the fact that you were going to die in the next few minutes. Tears started filling Harry's eyes too, all while he was trying to escape from the chains.

"Harry, look at me, love. Don't cry, it's okay, I'll be fine. You go home and tell my parents I'm sorry and that I love them, okay? I'm sorry I left them alone and I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. Promise me, will you?" your voice was shaky, cracking at every other word.

"Don't talk like that, Y/N. We're all going to be fine, you'll get to tell them that yourself" he was struggling, the pain in his chest becoming unbearable.

He couldn't lose you too, not after all the people he had lost. You were the only constant and he couldn't bear imagining a life without you in it.

"Promise me you'll go to my parents, Harry. Please" more tears streamed down his face as he nodded, watching you give him a teary smile.

"I love you, Harry, more than anything in this world. Be strong for me"

Before he could say anything else, you felt the cold blade pierce your stomach and Bellatrix's breath against the side of your face.

"Tell your brother I said hi" she whispered in your ear, pulling away and taking out the dagger.

You felt warm blood seeping through your shirt, and your breaths became ragged as you tried to apply pressure on the wound.

Bellatrix's footsteps became distant, and at last Harry freed himself of the chains and sprinted towards you, taking your head and placing it on his lap.

"Look at me, Y/N. You're going to be okay, we're going to get you out of here and you'll be fine" he tried to sound strong, but he was dying on the inside as he watched you struggle to breathe.

"I'm not, love. The dagger was poisonous, I can already feel the poison entering my blood. There is nothing you can do" you whispered, managing to cast a small smile.

Hermione was sobbing furiously from the other side of the room, Ron doing the best he could to muffle his sobs as he watched the scene in front of him. His best friend dying.

"Don't say that, you can't die on me. We have our life planned out, you can't leave me" he was crying, his tears falling on your face and clothes.

"You're going to be fine, my love. Be strong for me, live your life, fall in love and have the family you've always dreamed of. Do it for me"

Harry shook his head, not seeing a life where he didn't have you by his side. But when he saw your form, he couldn't help but promise you what you wanted from him.

"I love you, Harry. Always have and always will. Take me back to my parents, tell them I'm sorry and that I love them" just as you spoke the words, the last breath left your lungs, your eyes losing their sparkle and becoming void.

Your body started turning cold as Harry hugged your lifeless body close to his chest and sobbing in your hair.

He vowed he would get revenge for your death and fulfill the promises he made you, even if it would cost him his life.

Your death would not be in vain. He was going to make sure of that.

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[abs0luteb4stard]

To my friend Niko. 💙🩷🤍🩷💙

I'll never know if it was an accidental OD or intentional suicide or what... I was lucky a friend of his was kind enough to tell me that he died. I was too afraid to ask anymore of a stranger. It had been weeks or months of inactivity before I was told. My suspicions were confirmed. Utterly shocked.

That's what happens with long-distance internet friends sometimes. He fucking died just months before my dad's series of medical events that put him into vascular dementia. Now It's been 7 years.

He felt like a soul friend sometimes. So much fun little things in common, coincidences, sadnesses. He got me into TØP, which I can't bring myself to listen to anymore. 🫤 It's not the same without his joy about new songs.

He was the sweetest person. I wish he'd have been able to make his trip here to visit his friend or s/o. My mom and me would've tried to make the trip a few states over to at least say hello give him a hug. He had new yellow suitcase and everything. 😢 It's still unbelievable.

He even liked me enough to tell me his 'dead name'. I forgot it, because Niko was who I knew.🤷🏻‍♂️ But I realized it was a very special trusting thing.

This will never not bother me. It haunts me.

He was always open to talking about being trans, transitioning, and taught me a lot. He cleared a lot of purely innocent misconceptions and ignorance about being trans that I had.

And My dad, who was probably 75ish when I started talking to Niko. My dad had a meager education in 1940s Europe. He was still very accepting and interested in his life, his safety. And was even hurt when I told my dad Niko had been bullied at school like me growing up. Even before his realization that he was transgender. He had a stutter and was smaller than the other kids. That really bothered my dad.

And my mom always asked about him. She always feels motherly for my friends. But Niko had some less than perfect relationship with his mom. And my mom felt heartbroken by that.

So I felt like Niko made a difference for our family just being an open book and a sweetheart. I wish I had the chance to have long in person talks with him one day and share more pictures of our families. Sadly, that'll never come. And I've already forgotten a lot of our texts and things.

He left a hole in my life right when things got incredibly difficult and dark and painful in a lot of horrible ways.

I had support, but he had a special sort of way about him. As shy and anxious as he was, he was a social butterfly through our penpal friendship.

He had his top surgery. He had to wait almost a year. We were so happy.

He sent me this nice picture of him smiling at the hospital with the sun's rays flowing in onto him. It's almost like a dream now.

I guess if there's an afterlife, my dad and uncle are looking out for him from any bullies. And Niko has the body he was meant to all along.

But I often wonder if the difficulties with acceptance didn't contribute to his death through medicating himself. Again, I'll never know. But his death was unnecessary in my eyes even if I didn't have the full story. Because not being unconditionally loved and accepted kills people too. Not being concerned in healthy, helpful ways kills people, too.

But I think he should be remembered today too because he contributed to the change he wanted in the world by being who he was to me, and I would also learn how he was to many other people.

At least I know he changed my world and my parents' world. He is why we don't just accept transpeople in a closeted backseat way.

He is why I am openly vocal for acceptance and caring about transpeople, being their friends. And protecting transgender people.

It was such a strange coincidence again that his favorite band TØP would make a song with his namesake just 2-3 years after he died. It was poetic and sad.

I hope you found peace. 🖤🏳️‍⚧️

[nine-blessed-hero]

Lines from... tag

I've been tagged by nearly everyone I know in this game, but as I have lots of lines to share, I'm going to do them all individually.

So thank you @bretongirlwrites for this one. All my lines here are from The Ruby Falls.

The rules are to share:

A line from your fic that makes you laugh

"I had… other concerns by then. Girls. Boys. O-Levels."

"Ah yes, the three genders,,," It's so simple, it's so silly, and it still makes me chuckle.

A line from your fic that makes you sad

Martin's face fell. His eyes flickered closed and he took a deep breath. "Please, Aderyn, don't be like this. I need your judgement, not your obedience. I merely want you to understand-" Aderyn slapped his hand aside. "I understand all too well." Tears stood in her eyes and she dashed them away, waving a finger in his face. "If you even so much as fucking think about getting hurt-" her throat constricted. "I swear to god- I'm gonna-" She dashed tears away. "I'll never-" Martin gathered her up in a hug, smoothing her hair down as she clung to him. "I know you will, my dearest problem child. I know."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - Aderyn is nothing if not a scared child wearing the outfit of a loud, angry, brash woman. That she feels safe enough with Martin, just before the Battle of Bruma, to be even this vulnerable speaks volumes to their relationship. But this makes me sad, because she's so utterly, utterly terrified of losing him but she still can't quite get over that hurdle of just telling him that, and has to fall back on the "I'll never forgive you if you die" rhetoric.

A line from your fic you're proud of

[Belisarius] glanced down as she was plugging the seatbelt in. "You… bought a new laptop?" he asked, tilting his head. "Not exactly." Aderyn hunched down in the seat, bringing the bundle to her chest. Belisarius' shoulders went up. "You stole a new laptop." Aderyn shrank down further. "It's not what you-" she tried, but Belisarius reached over, brushing back part of the carrier bag. His hand stilled. In her periphery Aderyn saw his eyes widen. "Those," he said, making an effort to keep his tone even, "are the Commentaries. Why-?" "The Director told-" Belisarius pursed his lips, and then looked away. The engine started in a low-throated purr.

My pride in this feels a bit stale now, but at the time I thought it was the bees knees because I'd just been learning about subtext through body language and was pleased I'd been able to implement it to so effectively. So I'm still proud of it for that, so it goes here.

A line from your fic you think could have been better

A line from your fic that makes you want to punch a character

"Very well. I wasn't being hyperbolic – if you don't assist Broussard, then he could very well be captured, and Martin would be in danger. Since you gave your word to protect him, and yet he remains at risk, you are still in the middle of a job. Thus what I said back at the Priory still stands. If you abandon Martin now, I will make it known to everyone important within the community that you deserted on a job." Preston leant over the table, fixing Aderyn with a stone-cold look. "I will see that you're unemployable if you don't do as I order."

Gods, Jauffre's a cunt, eh? A ruthless, stone-cold bastard. He failed his last employer, the new one is in danger, and by hook, crook, and blackmail, he's going to set things right. (he's also angry and grieving his best friend, but shh, that's not supposed to be the takeaway here since we're in Aderyn's POV).

A line from your fic that makes you go 'aww'

Aderyn clicked her tongue and held out a hand. "It'll still be there in the morning. C'mon Dad." Martin froze in the act of reaching for her hand, staring up at Aderyn's wide eyes. "I mean- Um. Like. I was joking, yeah?" She gave an uncertain smile. Martin blinked. "Ah… Yes. Of course you were, problem child." He grabbed her hand, and allowed her to pull him upright.

It's just slips out. She plays it off as a joke, but they both know how they feel.

A line from your fic that's full of symbolism

"I'm sorry, Miss-?" "Griffiths." He smiled shyly. "We didn't know there would be an extra person coming. Aderyn snorted. "You and me both." "I'm afraid you'll need to squeeze in on the end here," Darrow said, arranging the cutlery. She stepped back as Economou slid a folding chair into place, pursing his lips as he looked down the table. The grey metal stood out, starkly different to the rest of the elegantly carved wooden set. Economou opened his mouth as if to say something, but Aderyn waved it away. "No worries," she said, sliding into her seat.

Is it too on the nose? Maybe. I'm not a subtle person TBH. I'm planning a similar scene later on where they find an extra matching seat and, yeah, that's also on the nose, but if it works to get the point over then it works.

A line from your fic that contains an Easter egg

"You're still heavily injured. This isn't a video game, where you're healed in just a snap of the fingers. Aderyn, you can't go out into the field in this state." Martin frowned.

I'm so funny (half sarcasm). In case the context of this one has been missed, The Ruby Falls is set in a Modern, Non-magic AU, but based off a game that very much has magic with the ability to do this.

A line from your fic that's shocking

A line from your fic you want to talk about more

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

That Stephen Foster Song

Today was just another day for me, but the first Saturday in May didn't used to be just any other day. It used to be a big deal.

I'm a Kentucky girl, and my dad arguably has a gambling problem, so I grew up thinking Derby Day was observed everywhere the same way it was in my family. I've been to three Derbys, all with my dad. It's fucking expensive to get in, so every time we went, it was a big deal that we did (and we got general infield admission; which means...you can't sit down unless it's on the ground. I'm not sure you're even allowed to carry a lawn chair in anymore). I used to bet horses every year when I became an adult and I've won a couple times. (My latest win was I'll Have Another, so it's been a while). And I used to have a party for a few years in a row when our son was little. Friends came over. We ate traditional Kentucky food (Benedictine finger sandwiches; fried chicken and waffles; burgoo; bluegrass salad; mini hot browns; Derby pie and Kentucky Silk pie...I made bourbon slushes instead of mint juleps though because mint juleps are gross in my opinion). I cried when the band played My Old Kentucky Home. The Derby is a complex mash of pieces of me and my relationship with my dad and my sense of home and my childhood. Sports in general, and this day and event in particular have historically been a way I could more easily than normal connect with other people; they are relatively safe and fun and happy pieces of myself I could share with other people.

But then in 2017, the friends stopped coming. Magically, all these people who clearly associated me with the Derby and knew I was having a party...people who never even knew it was Derby Day before I started having the parties...all of them to a person had something else come up on the first Saturday in May. After I'd already bought food and stuff (J and I aren't drinkers, and I still have that bottle of bourbon in our cabinet. It's not collecting dust because it's in a cabinet, but you get the picture). Something about me had turned the day, the event, disposable and forgettable in the year between May Saturdays. J took us to an amusement park that first year. To take my mind off of the social event I wasn't having. I haven't even attempted to be social for the Derby since, but 2 years ago, I long distance watched the race with a new friend who'd never watched before. I thought maybe I was connecting with someone over this day again; sharing a piece of myself. That maybe it could be something that we could share together; something that would make her think of me.

But it didn't. No one has reached out to me today; they probably don't even realize or remember it's Derby Day. This isn't a day that makes people think of me. I asked my son if he remembered how to play My Old Kentucky Home when we were out walking the dog this morning, and he said not by heart, but he could still read the music, probably. (He used to be able to play without music on the piano and the violin). And then he casually said he just didn't want to try though. I know he didn't mean to sound callous or make me feel shitty and dismissed by saying that, but he did.

I'd like to say I'm not feeling socially anxious and sad right now. I'd like to say I can overlook all the nostalgia and pain and memory and complication attached to this event and day and enjoy it. Or I'd even like to say I don't care that it's Derby Day anymore. But honestly, none of that's true. The truth is I'm watching it, because I can't not care, and I'm thinking about just how forgettable and easily dismissed I seem to be to nearly everyone who's met me in person. Including maybe even my kid. A worldwide spectacle that happens on the same basic day every year doesn't even drive a quick, 'Hey, what's up?' text.

I won't cry this year when I hear that Stephen Foster song. Maybe I'm starting to forget and dismiss myself.

[murdoc]

this is a weird post to make, but i dont really have many places to say it and i wanna share my thoughts Somewhere lol

so i found my dad after more than a decade of being out of contact with him (probably since 2010? at latest, very early 2011). or rather, after every few years of searching for a little while and coming up fruitless, he made a new facebook less than three weeks ago and i just happened to get Really lucky timing.

just before him i had also found my (former) step sister + mom, as well as my half sister (all sisters younger than me and previously i couldnt find), and.. its a strange experience to finally see people who used to be so close to you in your life show uo again, visibly older and doing their own thing.

its hard to explain.. its almost like youve woken up from a coma. you have memories and have had dreams of these people for years and years and during that time you never really realized that the image you have of them was one trapped in amber; even when youre cognizant of the passage of time, your mind just can't take into consideration the individualized process of aging, both physically and where the passage of time will take them and their relationships. you realize these people are now essentially strangers to you.

my (former) step mom has remarried again and has her own set of children (again), one of my step uncles ended up passing away, my step sister is no longer how i remembered her in 2007 from one of the few photos i have of her in my possession and is posting hippie white woman stuff on her feed, my half sister doesnt share my last name (paternal) anymore, nor her mother or new husband's, whom she is having a child with. i was able to figure out it was her because of the name and how she looks strikingly like her mom and has photos with my dad in them.

my dad himself has aged significantly since he's last shared a photo of himself anywhere. he used to always wear hats, but in a new photo he's got solid white hair despite being in his early 40s and is balding (HE did this to me..) and finally learned what glasses suit his face better LMAO. honestly, he looks better now than he ever did when i've seen him. which i think was one of the biggest shockers because god he looked so lame. this also gives me hope for myself B)

the thing i noticed the most though is how "normal" him and my half sisters turned out. granted, he was always so much more put together than my mother-- i'm sure thats why they didnt really like each other lmao. but, while im not sad about my life, even if it's definitely different than i assumed for my age, i can't help but wonder where i'd be if i had allowed myself to overcome the fear of my mother and went to go live with my dad like we had planned in 2008 or 2009.

however, just from how hard it has been to piece together the state of that side of my family, i don't think any speculation could even be remotely accurate. ive also never really been one to dwell on what could be anyway. at the end of the day i cant undo how horrific my childhood was, but i can make steps to grow from it and learn to love who i am and where i am now.. for how cheesy that sounds 😭

i am glad i finally got a bit of closure on this though. i knew my dad was still around somewhere, but not knowing anything beyond "he's alive" for so long left me with a lot of questions, now mostly answered. it's nice to know he seems to be doing good and that he's there for my younger sisters (not sure about my step sister, but i have an additional half sibling that i never met beyond a few times as a toddler and it seems she's fine too). i know that social media doesn't tell all and is usually finely curated to share the best moments, but i'm saying this in comparison to my mother who would never in a million years do what he seems to be doing.. down to having custody of his kids LMAO.

i don't think i'll ever reach out to any of them though. i know my dad still thinks of me once in a blue moon, as he's dedicated a birthday post to me some years ago on a now deleted profile, but if you can imagine.. i think my change in the last 13 years or so is a bit more drastic than just growing up. not to mention they have their own lives going on and it all seems just fine.

i guess if he ever does try to find me, he'll find out that my former step uncle (different one who is still alive) who teased him about only having girls was wrong LMAO. but i dont think he could ever find me unless he got in contact with my older sister who isn't doing too hot rn, or my mother.... and if it's my mom he goes through, i sure as hell hope he thinks finding his now son was worth it. i sure as hell wouldnt go through talking with my mom if i was him.

i dont think i ever made a post so long and detailed about my life on here??? if someone fsr actually read this... hi :) why did you do that? you are silly

[crmsnmth-journal]

1/12/2024

10:44 PM

I wanted to make this a daily thing again, but it seems I can't do that. I mean, I think my dad dying is a pretty good excuse for my lapse in keeping a journal. I wrote my memorial and I'll add it here after I finish today's entry. I shared it yesterday and I forget what it's like to have support. So many condolences, and weirdly compliments on my writing. It's truly bitter sweet.

“I haven't said much of anything publicly. Things still feel unreal.

As some may know, but most don't, last week, I lost my father. It was both expected and unexpected at the same time. I think that's how a lot of deaths are. You could know everything, right down to the second your soul left, and it would still come as a shocking surprise every single time. And of course, that's one phone call you never really want to hear.

Emotions fly high when something like this happens. It takes you on a roller-coaster. I'm sad and depressed. Of course, I am. I lost my dad. I'm no machine. But I'm also angry, so very angry. I'm angry because there's no justice in something like this. I'm angry because I feel ripped off. At other times, I'm numb. Sometimes even feeling guilty and not sure what it was that I had done wrong. The wonders of grief.

I'm going to miss him. A lot. I think that's pretty normal, isn't it? I've known him my entire life. Death, even when peaceful and easy to slip into, is always violent. It's not violent for the dying or deceased. It's violent for those of us who are left behind. It strangles us with choked words as we find comfort in our family and friends and selves. It rips your heart out from your chest with an unmatched force, leaving behind nothing but a black hole where your organ once was. It breaks your bones as you drop down to the floor. It blinds you with saltwater tears that start to roll down your cheeks. Death is violent. Silent violence.

Grief is weird. Grief is such a universal, yes completely personal experience. We all deal with grief, or if we haven't yet, we will. Everybody must face grief at some point in their life. And even with that fact, it's all down to who a person is on how they deal with it. Some dive headfirst into work for a distraction. Others drink until they pass out. A few go into isolation to face it alone. And then there's me. I write.

I wrote a letter or two to him. Things I wanted to talk to him about, or songs I had stashed away to show him. I wrote to him, and it actually helped me feel a little bit better. So that's what I have to face grief and death. I face it with a pen in one hand and a college-lined notebook in the other.

My dad and I's relationship was never perfect or all that conventional, but that's ok. It worked for us and who we were as people. I have plenty of absolutely wonderful memories with my dad, and it's in those memories how I'll remember him. Fishing in the lake by his apartment. Going to see Motley Crue in Milwaukee. The camping trips. The visits to his house. Playing guitar together. Listening to music at a much too high volume. Canoeing down the Kickapoo only to stop at every sand bar to look for rocks and arrowheads. The list really can go on and on. I choose to remember my dad this way, instead of that dying hospital costume.

My dad was intelligent and eccentric. He'd find new hobbies all the time, and dive headfirst into each one until he learned all he could. He liked what he liked and that's how it was going to be. And that's a trait worthy of looking up too. He never gave a damn what anybody thought of him and he was unapologetically himself. Once again, those are good traits to have, and one's I'm glad he was able to get instilled into me.

It's time's like now where I realize that living in the moment is so very important. All those moments I had with my dad seemed so mundane and whatever as they happened. And all it took was one day, one hour, one minute, one second really and those moments and memories are now sacred ground.

I am forever grateful that his and I's relationship was at a good place. Even that doesn't justify it. Our relationship at one point was strictly through text messages and rarely did we find the time to keep that father son thing going, usually seeing each other for the holidays but that was about it. But as we both grew older, wiser and maybe just a little bit more crazy, that father son bond did return. We were talking. And I visited for a few days this summer. A trip that is now so very important.

He died knowing he was loved, And when you think about it, that's all we really ask for. I think that's a pretty great way to go. Knowing that you were loved. That you were important in so many different lives, be it friends or family. We all said our words to him, hugged him and left the room. And less then a week later, he was gone. We all had our final words with him though. Mine were just "I love you, dad." And with how short that sentence is, I think it's pretty powerful. There was no message better than that.

Now comes the dawn of mourning. The real mourning. The crying at three in the morning kind of mourning. I'm sorry to anyone around me. I am trying to hold it together and most of the time, I'm doing a pretty good job doing just that. But if you see me wiping a tear from my eye. Or quickly changing a song while at work, it is because I'm mourning. I'm learning to live while grieving. I'm learning how to live without a father. And I was not prepared to learn this stuff. There is no textbook or instructions to come with it. You've got to figure that all out on your own. And I'm still figuring that out, but I think I'm getting close.

I'm going to miss him. I mean, I already do. I'm going to miss the talks about severe weather. Or getting a text randomly. I'm gonna miss him through every moment still coming in the life. I wish he would've gotten a chance to meet Milo, but we'll make sure that Milo knows him too.

Nothing feels the same right now. It's surreal. Everything looks the same and everything works as it should, but it feels unreal. Like I've been placed in an alternate world. One where my dad is no longer a constant figure in my life. That one changes, changes everything. And it does it so quickly there's now way to see it. Of course, there is no alternate world. That is my real world now. And for hone long, I really couldn't say.

I think I'll wrap this up. I thought I needed to finish this with a bang. Some last line that really drives home the point I'm making. But then I realized I don't have a point. I just wanted to let go a little bit, and I wanted to talk about my dad for a few minutes.

See you later, Pop. I love you.”

[princesshollyberry]

Princess Cookie, I was thinking about like, the future. Getting a degree is something I'll definitely be able to do, and fixing robots is a good job but... I think I'm scared of the whole growing up thing.

Soon, I'm going to have my second growth spurt, and then I'm going to get all tall, and I'm going to have to start preparing to leave, and I won't see Dad as much. I know it's going to take years but still. It feels so imminent.

I want to be able to dream and play and be a kid a little longer. I missed out on a lot, and I don't think I'm nearly ready for it. It's weird to think about how half my childhood is already gone, and I can't get it back, and how soon I'm going to learn how to work and leave behind what I just got.

I know there's nothing you can do about the flow of time or anything, and this ask might've been a bit ventish, but I just needed to tell someone about it, and I just managed to convince Dad to go to sleep.

-@stawby-robo-lover

hey baby first of all i want to say i absolutely know the feeling . yeah, people having expectations of you all the time sucks!!! majorly!!

but here's the thing: it's not sudden. there's no threshold. there's no line you cross and no switch to pull that makes you suddenly capital-a Adult, pass go collect 200 dollars, it will never be a huge deal. when you grow tall me and black raisin and your dad will so still be here, and i'll use kingdom funds to buy you your starter house if you want, and we'll keep on making memories and trucking on. take one day at a time, because you didn't notice how the time flew by and you won't notice it now! shrink in to the details - there's nothing you can do about time dragging you around, so you might as well get up on your feet and walk around with it instead.

that feeling of looming doom? that'll never go away! you'll always be thinking 'one day i'm gonna-' and 'isn't it sad how-' and 'when i grow up-'. there'll always be another year older to be. let it wash over you. hopes and dreams are for life, except for when they aren't, which is okay! one day at a time.

second: there are no rules! no one expects complete and utter discipline from anyone (if they do, fuckin hit the bricks) and you just gotta cling onto that whimsy of yours because if you do then no one will take it from you. it's literally as simple as that, and there will be the same if not MORE opportunities to do and make what you love because guess what?

growing up is COOL. i went out yesterday for a top that was really expensive and bubble tea mama would have hated all on my own and it was so fun because it was MY money and MY time and a translation to that feeling for you would be... oh my god college. you're gonna LOVE college so much you're gonna get there and just find your people. you can share ideas with your friends and they'll say 'oh, i know someone who can get that done' or 'yeah let's start a business' and you can DO THAT ACTUALLY BECAUSE BEING AN ADULT IS COOL.

you wont have to argue with your dad to get to sleep, you'll stop having that nightmare, you'll get so smart and sassy with all your new words and soon you'll be unstoppable - the list goes on. if you need some coping strats or just some love you know i got your back. and if you ever get stressed again, the best thing is to lie the heck down and sleep. or eat. or drink water.

[watercolourferns]

UPDATE: By April we have to move back into my parents' house in order to not just protect my pupper but also my dad... which means a hefty sum of mxn, in the thousands, to be able to move everything and clean out the apartment.

So my mother wanted to just move out, then to divorce, then not to divorce again, she's been flipflopping. I told her a divorce was the best thing because my dad refuses to sell the house and none of us can maintain the house as it is let alone repair everything it needs to have repaired, plus pay all the bills. Unless some miracle happens we really need to sell that house. She finally agreed, so she's moving out by April, at which time we're leaving our apartment to live with my dad.

My dad's almost 80 and has diabetes and heart issues, he almost died in 2019 and he's never been the same since, but he's not as... toxic as my mother, we can live with him way better.

I'm also looking into being declared permanently disabled so I can apply for govt assistence. Do I like the idea? No. Am I permanently disabled? Yes. I wanted to try and work this month but I just couldn't. It was bad enough just running Xmas errands... I had an EIB attack a few days ago, and my legs are cramping... still need another week to recover. And on top of that the neighbour smokes like a chimney and the smoke made me have another attack. I'm sick of feeling sick, but I'm almost sick of never having enough income because I'm sick.

And on top of everything else things are already tough here: We ran out of gas, luckily I could have a loan and we paid for a new bottle, but now I have a loan I have to pay; we ran out of litter and my allergies are as bad as they can get; I couldn't get my fiancée and parents any bought Xmas gifts, I'm crocheting everything, which means my joints are protesting... And the neighbour is so noisy I can't sleep well, I haven't been able to since August. And the USD is in 17.23MXN...

This year's been rougher than the pandemic was for us and honestly? I just want it to end. It's got me suicidal, not exagerating. The stress is so much my nervous tics are worse than ever, my ED came back, and I just... I don't wanna do anything anymore, which is... very sad.

Mum is toying witht he idea of being out of the house by February, which means I'll be alone during the whole moving process since my fiancée will be back at work by then... and it also means that I won't have enough money to move. USD is very low rn, but anything is good so I can pay the gas loan and then save for moving.

So if you still wanna donate to my Kofi it would help me greatly. And I'll be forever grateful.

Sharing helps, too. ;W;

Thank you for reading this rambling, I'm not feeling very well, but knowing you got here makes me feel a little less alone.

Have a cozy froggie for your troubles.

MY PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE AND MY MUM'S MOVING OUT OF THEIR HOUSE AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO MY PUPPER NOW.

Anyway, donate to my Kofi so I can save up and find a place to stay with my pupper, I'll make a small digital doodle. :'D

Happy turkey and cranberry sauce day...

[teabights]

Baby, We’re Having a Baby

Requested by @kellysimagines: Can you make a joe quinn x reader where him and the reader are together for a couple years and both actors and they want to start a family but have been busy with acting and cons and stuff but now they have time off and tey for a baby but nothing happens and they stop for a while and reader is sad cause of it and they decide to go on a mini vacation to let it go and focus on each other for a while and they have fun and stuff but the reader is scared she can’t give him what he wants and she tells him when they are at their hotel what's bothering her and he assures her whatever happens he will stand by her and love her and they make love and after 2 weeks she takes a test and its positive? :) you can decide the ending

Joseph and you stare at yet another negative test. The little singular line was going to be the death of you. 

After all this busy time you two had, you finally decided to start a family. Joseph and you love each other and have for two years, of course most of it spent apart due to different acting jobs, press, and conventions. Not to mention the man of your dreams becoming the man of everyone's dreams. You are beyond happy for him with his new found status of everyone's favorite white man. 

"I've never failed so many tests before." You joke, trying to make light of the situation. 

"We'll try again… it's not like we both don't mind." Joseph also jokes for the same reason. 

"How many times do we try?" You ask, just out of pure curiosity. 

"Until two little lines show." Joseph says, kissing your shoulder. 

"I don't know if I can take anymore heartbreak, Joseph." You say to him. "I think we should give it rest… try again in a few months, so it doesn't feel like a chore."

"Why don't we go on holiday for a little while… since we both have time off? Italy?" Joseph suggests. 

"Italy is always your go-to." You comment. 

"What about Denmark? Hm? You've always said you wanted to visit Copenhagen." Joseph suggests. 

"I'll look at hotels and things to do and you'll look at plane tickets?" You say as you throw away the test. 

"Sounds good darling." Joseph responds. The two of you share a kiss before parting from each other.

A week later, Joseph and you are sitting outside at a cafe in Copenhagen.

"Kan jeg få hvidvin og fisk med fingerling kartofler og majs?  Han vil have det samme." You order. 

"Ja, kommer lige op!" The waiter says as he departs the table. 

"Tak!" You say with a smile. 

"When did you learn Danish?" Joseph asks, never hearing you speak it before. 

"I was 20… I was bored during summer break of college, so I needed something to do." You respond.

"So you learned Danish?" He asks.

"Yeah, because I knew one day I'd be coming to Copenhagen with the love of my life." You answer with a smile.

"Ah, cheeky." He says. 

You two watch the wine get set down in front of you. "Tak!" You say to the waiter.

"Tak?" Joseph says and you nod your head. 

"Det var så lidt." The waiter says as he walks off from the table. 

You pick up your glass to make a toast. "To us, to a nice stress-free holiday." 

“To us…” Joseph says with a grin on his face. 

This is how the holiday starts, completely stress-free, until you two have sex, which ended up with you full of him cum, crying your eyes out as you hold on to him. He is at a complete loss of what happened.

“Darling, what happened?” He asks softly.

“I just feel… like inadequate. Like I cannot give you what you. I haven’t been able to get pregnant and I know how important children are for you.” You mumble out.

“Darling, I don’t care that you can’t give me children. You are my family and that’s all that matters to me.” His words are soft and you can sense how much he absolutely means it. “Besides, the family I got from you is your family. I love mum and dad.” 

"But I just feel I am never going to be able to do that for you." You cry. 

"Our time will come." He reassures you. 

"What if—" You start.

"It will, I am sure. Now, does my pretty girl want to take a nice warm bath?" His voice is soft. 

"Yeah, might as well." You wipe your tears off your cheeks. 

Your evening ends with you two taking a bath together as you two exchange about what rolls you have upcoming. It was a peaceful night for everyone. 

As the end of trh trip comes up, you two are able to enjoy the rest of your time, even though the thought still bugs the back of your mind. Arriving home was good. The jetlag catches up to you two. However, with you, it lingers a little longer than you expected.

As the days turns into weeks, you aren't feeling superb. You aren’t sure what was up. You blew off an interview you had because you threw up that morning. Joseph is concerned about you. He isn’t sure what it was either. He feels like you definitely should be better by now. You think about it and add up the days… and the missed period. Maybe you’ll grab a test later.

You grab a test later in the day when Joseph is out doing an audition. You sit on the edge of the bathtub nervously, waiting for those two lines to appear. It was so stressful. You don’t know if you could handle another one line test. Sooner or later your phone buzzes after those long 3 minutes. You pick up the test, closing your eyes as you bring it to your face. Opening your eyes after mentally counting to three, seeing the two lines.

“Oh my God…” You mumble. “OH MY GOD!” You wish you would have waited to do this with Joseph, but what a surprise it’ll be.

He gets home after another hour and you are nervous sitting on the couch. You had the test hiding under your leg. You look over at Joseph as he mumbles a “Hello” after entering the house. 

“Joey?” You say.

“Yes dear?” Joseph looks over at you. 

“Come sit.” You pat the spot next to you.

“What is it, doll face?” He moves to sit next to you. 

“I… Um… know what is wrong with me.” You say. 

“What…?” He is slightly confused by your word choices. 

“H-here…” You pull the test from under your leg and hand it to him.

He takes the test and looks over those two lines. “Are you serious?” He smiles wide.

“Yes! We are having a baby!” You say. 

“Oh my God, we are having a baby.” Joseph almost squeals. 

He pulls you over to him, planting kisses all over your face, which makes you squeal.

“I cannot wait to tell our parents…” He says with a smile.

“I can’t wait either. I love you so much, Joseph.” You say with a smile.

“I love you so much.” He presses a kiss to your lips, moving a hand to hold your chin. 

You definitely were ready to create a beautiful life with him.

[stcveskent]

his comfort ; andy barber

warnings: fluff, some old trauma idk?

pairings: Andy Barber x Reader

requested by cevansmarvel

----------

you were working on some papers, when you heard your phone ring, you sighed and looked for your phone, and looked at the contact name, Andy💞

A huge smile on your face as you pressed the green button, and placed it on speaker.

"Hey Good Morning!!" His cheerful voice made you chuckle.

"Good Morning to you too, Andy, how are you doing?" You asked as you continued talking and doing your work at the same time.

"I'm great, now that i heard your voice." He flirted, typical Andy . You mocked him on this one and he laughed, at how funny you sounded. Andy's been your everything since you were 5. You went to same kindergarten, to same school years later, and your friendship never changed into anything. You were always with him, no matter what. Your mothers, both were great friends, and had kinda similar pasts, but other than Andy's dad, your father abandoned you and your mother because he didn't wanted both of you.

But Andy, was always there for you, and you were there for him too. He always loved seeing you, at his place, anywhere. During college, Andy met a girl, Laurie , who he eventually fell in love with and got married too. It hurt you a lot, because you were in love with him since your 6th grade, but never told him. Laurie, started being friends with you first, and then started her plan of stealing Andy from you.

When he got married, you've never felt that broken, ever in your life, and he forgot you later. You never married, never dated never did anything, because you felt that if you too, would get married, then you couldn't give him the love he deserves in your life.

Everything turned upside down, when on work you were talking to your colleagues while they randomly switched on the T.V and randomly pressed the news channel number, and the news stated something which shocked you.

Jacob, Andy and Laurie were displayed on the screen, and it showed some murder news, Jacob could ever do that? you were shocked, and you saw  Andy after millions of years....the look on his face showed how broken he looked, and you wanted to rush towards him right now. Your collegues started to call you, at how shocked you looked.

You walked out of your office, right then, and started driving towards his place, which he hasn't changed since the time he got married. You knocked on the door, feeling uneasy, but he needed you, and you too needed to see his face. Just a minute later, a sad Andy opened the door, and his eyes widened at the sight of yours.

"Y-y/n?" He stuttered, and you passed a small weak smile, and he hugged you. The warm feeling of his, hugging you, and your burying your face in his chest, just comforting for both of you.

"I-i missed you, so so much." He confessed, a smile over your face as you kept hugging you.

"I missed you too, Andy, so much." You replied and he smiles pressing a kiss on your forehead.

"Come in." He says and you walk in with him, you two got comfortable, and he started talking about how he felt, and started talking about Jacob's case, you felt bad for that man, he looked so broken, as he talked. He even told you about how him and Laurie were not the same anymore. Just then you heard Jacob and Laurie get in the house.

"Y/n? After so many years?!" Laurie asked and you smiled, and she hugged you before she excused herself to go upstairs, and there comes Jacob.

"I remember you." He said and you chuckled.

"Me too, Jay!! How are you doing?" You asked and he smiles before answering.

"good actually." He says and goes upstairs to his room, later, you and Andy talk about olden times..and then you leave the place..and try to always stay in contact with him, since then.

It was four years ago. Jacob, died in a car accident, and Laurie, its wasn't a surprise that they filed for a divorce and also, got married the next month with someone.

Since then you always visited Andy, and never left his side.

"Can you spend the night at my place? Movie nights just like the old days?" He asked and you smiled, only if he saw how happy he made you.

"Yes, i'll be there. See you tonight!" You said and he greets again before you hang up. Your smile wasn't leaving you the whole day, and everyone has noticed it. Well, you then got into shit load of work and concentrated, and got of work as soon as possible.

As soon as you stepped at your place, you knew what you were going to be looking like, natural. And so you did, and drove to his place.

You met Andy, and he gave you the biggest hugs as possible, and all your stress would just leave, and then he plays some series on the T.V. You two are focusing on how the two lovers are trying to tell how much they love each other, but don't know how to talk. A smile on your face as your head on the pillow.

"What're you smiling at?" He asked, getting closer, sipping, a glass of soft drink, because you're non alcoholic and he always backs away from alcohol near you.

"Two people, so much in love, can't express how they feel." You replied and he chuckles.

"Romantic, Y/n, i missed the girl." He confessed, and everytime he mentioned something like that would make you go red. He would do it often, lets say, Andy loves getting flirty with you.

"God that smile!" He says and you hit him playfully before pulling the blanket a little bit more closer, and he noticed it why you did that, and pulled you closer to him, that you were on top of him.

"What're you doing?" You asked as you laid on him comfortably, and he pulled the blanket on both of you.

"Giving you more warmth, you feel cold always." He says and you smile before concentrating on the scene again.

An hour later, you were asleep, soft snores made him smile, he was feeling something, he wasn't sure of and later, his head rested on yours, sleeping.

"You could've saved me, Dad, but you didn't."

"I tried my best! Jacob, i love you."

"You're a liar Dad, a big liar!" Jacob points his finger and Andy's tears falls, at the sight of his son, being so angry, that he couldn't solve it.

"I hate you Dad!"

"Jacob no—"

and just then Jacob is hit by a truck, making Andy scream in horror.

He wakes up gasping sweat on his forehead and he looks at you, sleeping peacefully. His hand on his chest, as he tries to calm himself down. He moves you gently and walks to the bathroom.

He stares in the mirror, he looked awful, he missed his son so much, he was having nightmares about him, only if Laurie didn't do that years ago.

You woke up, loss of warmth woke you up, and looked around, to see no one there, but you heard sniffles, and you knew whom it was.

You walked in the bedroom, as the bathroom door was open and he cried, burying his face in his hands, not gonna lie, that sight broke you into millions of pieces, and you stayed strong, walking in, lowering your voice, so it would be calming for him.

"Andy?" You softly called and he wiped his tears looking at you.

"You're awake? Sorry if i woke you—"

"You saw it again?" You asked and he nodded, tears forming in his eyes again, you felt worse. He hugged you, burying his face in your neck, you were his comfort, he never told anyone about.

"It's okay, its okay." You said as you rubbed his back.

"My son hates me." He says, stuttering.

"No! Andy that's not true at all, Jacob loves you, you were the best dad, Andy you and I both know what happened and what killed him. You knew his last words, he said he loves you, forever." You spoke, and every of that word was right, and he nods.

"But what if i could've save him? He would be with me—"

"You didn't know that, its not your fault, Jacob always loved his father, because his father never lost his trust in him. Jacob loved his Father, because he made him feel like he mattered in the world and no one else, Jacob loves his father very much." You said, and he nods before hugging you again.

"Thank you, you really are the best!" He spoke and kissed your cheek.

"I get that a lot, from you honestly." You said and he chuckled before you kiss his forehead. He loved these little small gestures you did. Now you brought him to bed, and he starts to talk to you, and you get involved in the conversation.

"Come on Andy, now you really need to sleep." You said and he nods, you stoof up before he questions.

"Hey where are you going?"

"Couch?"

"No we're sharing our bed, come on you'll get cold." He teased and you rolled your eyes.

"I want you to sleep comfortably, you won't be able to sleep with me."

"We've shared beds many times y/n, come on, I won't hurt you." He said making you laugh as you join him.

While talking both of you fall asleep, your head on his arm and his other arm, pulling you closer. Maybe if you and Andy were together this would be so normal for you, to feel it every day, but you felt like you lost your chance there, with the love of your life.

------

hope you like it 🥺💞

[tinysushimark]

My Everything (HRJ)

1.7k words. (Fluff)

Sometimes you wished you could run away from college and then run a café and live with your boyfriend.

You looked up at him, he was playing on his phone, why was he so relaxed? He has finals too next week. "Renjun! Don't you have to study?" You said.

"I'm done with my course." He said looking back down at his phone.

You sighed, he was always one step ahead of you, even when you were in school he used to teach you things because he was done. Now, even in college he was done before you. Even though you had different majors, you had the same college and fortunately, your classes took place in the same building.

A sigh escaped from your lips as you looked at the amount of chapters left. "What's wrong baby?" Renjun said, sitting next to you.

"I have 3 more chapters left, and exams are next week." You said. "Anything i can help with?" At this you snickered.

"Babe you're an arts major, how are you going to help me with Company Law?" You smiled and looked down.

"I am smart." He said.  "I never said you're dumb."

He stood behind your chair and started massaging your shoulders and neck. "Renjun what the-" He shushed you. "Get back to work." He kept massaging your shoulders.

"Renjun stop. That fucking hurts."

"You're stressed it's all pent up-"

"I told you to fucking stop it." You shouted at him, shooting a death glare.

"Why are you being so mean? I'm just trying to help." Renjun spat at you.

"You're clearly not helping, so how about you leave? You're just adding on to my stress with your completed course." You shouted at him.

He picked his bag up and slammed the door on his way out, making you flinch a little.

Asshole, that's the only word that came to your head once he left. His temper is very very short. Sometimes you wondered why you dated him and got annoyed at him. You had noticed how nowadays, the way he dealt with you had started changing.

He'd shout and slam doors. He never did that before but he was doing it nowadays. He is definitely bored of you and wants to break up with you, this is what you thought.

He on the other hand was very stressed, it wasn't about studies, it was about his family. After he left for college, he got to know about the fights which happened back at home. His mom and dad were fighting a lot more than when he was back at home. It had driven him off the edge that he wasn't there to stop his parents. He was an only child, so he'd end up persuading them to stop fighting, but he couldn't do it from here, in college. The only person who'd listen to him was getting annoyed at him too, you. He thought that he was the problem, probably everyone around him has problems because of him.

You weren't able to complete your course because Renjun decided to stay the nights in between semester and took you out so much. If he would've told you to study, you'd be revising by now. He forgot that you leave everything for him. He hadn't told you anything about what was happening back at home. He applied to the same college as you because he didn't want to lose you but he slowly understood that he was just a distraction for you.

Renjun didn't speak to you the entire week, and the week after that. You were done with your exams but still no contact or trace of Renjun.

You called him multiple times those weeks but he didn't pick up, knowing that he was probably busy revising, you left him alone. You needed the space.

After your exams were over you went to his shared flat, one of his flatmates saw you in an alleyway and smiled at you. "Mark, have you seen Renjun?"

"Renjun went to college, he must be back by now though." Mark said.

"Ok, thanks."

"If he isn't home, you can just wait on the couch, he'll be back soon I think." Mark said.

You nodded, bidding Mark a goodbye and walking to their apartment. Renjun had told you the password to the apartment, all his flatmates knew that he had a girlfriend and they didn't mind it. They were friendly and got along with you.

When you unlocked the door and got in you saw a girl in the kitchen, around the same age as you.

"Oh Mark you're back?" She said and turned around. "Hello." You said and she smiled at you. "Who are you by the way?" She asked you, the question took you aback.

"I'm Rejun's girlfriend." You said, her mouth formed a small Oh. "What's your Major and Year?"

"I'm a final year in BCom."

"I'm a first in year Mass Media. Oh by the way I'm Mark's girlfriend."  She said and passed a cup of coffee towards you. "Renjun isn't home, how about you wait here till he's back? He said he wanted to get some groceries." Mark's girlfriend said. She was younger than you and Mark. Mark was doing his post graduation and she was in her first year. You and Renjun were the same age.

When Renjun had moved in only Mark was living here, before another guy named, Jeno had moved in. You had found yourself a reasonable one flat apartment but slowly it's cost was rising which was a problem for you, but you kept living in it.

"We're looking for a flatmate." Mark's girlfriend said, trying to break the awkward silence. "Oh, where do you live?"

"The apartment above."

The both of you started talking about college and she told you details about the flat and the empty room. It seemed decent and you thought about it. "Can i see it?" It was a chance to be closer to Renjun, he wouldn't have to commute so much to see you.

Renjun came back home an hour after you had arrived, Mark and his girlfriend kept you entertained. They made you coffee and spoke to you.

When Renjun came home, you saw his red face, which was puffy.

He saw you and stood at the door frozen. Slowly tears started to fall from his eyes and your movements were quick. You ran to him and hugged him. He fell on his knees near the shoe shelves and you hugged him. He cried into your arms and you soothed his back.

"What's wrong Jun?" You asked softly. Instead you got a louder sob for a reply.

His grip around you tightened and he cried for a few minutes before pulling away and pushing your hair back from your face.

"My parents are getting divorced, and i thought i lost you because you lost interest in me-"

"Renjun I love you." You said hands caressing his cheek. "Why didn't you tell me about all this?"

"I didn't want to burden you, and I thought you'd get affected."

"Renjun, if it's bothering you and is a problem to you, it's my problem too." You said smiling at him.

"They've been fighting a lot lately, since i came here."  Renjun looked down at the floor. "I wasn't there to stop them."

"Renjun, its not your fault." You put your hand under his chin and made him look up at you. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."

"But I should've been there and because of me you weren't able to complete your course on time, its all my fault."

Your boyfriend who was almost a head taller than you, suddenly seemed like a small lost child who you wanted to coddle and sing to. He looked so troubled and sad that your heart hurt. It wasn't his fault, he blames himself for everything.

You remember the time when you were cutting vegetables and got a slight cut, he blamed himself for it, saying that he knew that you dont know how to use a knife so he should've been the one cutting the vegetables.

He was harsh on himself and as much as you believed you could change it, you couldn't but you wanted to.

"Renjun, its not your fault that i didn't study, it's my fault. That's on me."

"If I hadn't stayed the nights, you'd be done."

"Renjun you stayed over the weekends, i always had weekdays but i ended up wasting them, it's on me." You explained to him.

"What about my parents? That's totally on me. I shouldn't have left them knowing how hostile they are towards each other."

"If they were hostile towards each other did you ever consider that they were both stressed together. They didn't want to be together Renjun."

He finally looked at you, eyes dejected.

"I want to break up with you."

"Why?"

"I'm nothing but a distraction to you."

"You are my driving force. You're like a miracle to me. I wish you could see that."  You connected your foreheads. "You're the person i look forward to each day, knowing you'll provide me comfort and that you'll be there to listen to me."

"And i wish i could show you how much i feel for you, It can't be expressed in words." You whispered, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on and  for keeping you in the dark." Renjun said.

You nodded. "You're not gonna hear the end of it, they annoyed me so much over the phone about who'll keep the pearls and me." Renjun said. "Honestly, your mom deserves the pearls." You said looking into his eyes.

A small giggle came from his chest. "Yeah she does."

That's when the door opened and Jeno entered. "Renjun, its dirty here-"

"Oh hi Y/N!"  Jeno smiled and waved at you. Mark slowly pulled Jeno, "You're ruining their moment dude." Mark muttered under his breath.

All of you laughed and ate ramen for dinner, enjoying each others company.

"Renjun, Mark's girlfriend told me there's a room upstairs that's empty. I was thinking i should move in there." You said when he brought you to his room.

"Actually, i was about to ask you if you wanna move in together, Mark wants his girlfriend to shift downstairs, we can have the entire apartment to ourselves." Renjun smiled. "Plus my house is closer to our college."

"Yes, I'll move in with you."

New beginnings awaited you two, all full of happiness and sunshine with a few rainy days, but no storm lasts forever, all of them pass, and bring along sunshine again.

Read More: Masterlist

[chatonne-rousse]

Turtle-y Awesome

@sketchy-panda sent me the following ask last week:

...and this is the story that sprang from that ask. You never know what you're going to get when you share a headcanon with me! 😉

Read it on Ao3 here.

"...et puit, quand il fut bien certain que personne ne pouvait le voir, Benjamin alluma sa veilleuse."

Adrien turns the last worn page and sets the book beside his knee on Hugo's bed.

"What do you think, kitten? Benjamin was turtle-y being a scaredy-cat, wasn't he?"

Hugo giggles, eyes bright. "He's not a cat, Papa, he's a turtle!"

Adrien nods sagely at his son. "Right you are," he says, patting the book's cover. "If this book tortoise anything, it's that Benjamin is definitely a turtle."

The number of turtle puns in the world is finite, and Hugo has heard his dad tell them all repeatedly, but he still laughs every time. The sound is music to Adrien's ears. He grins as he leans down to tuck the duvet around Hugo's shoulders and lifts his son's dark fringe to place a kiss on his forehead.

"Can we read another story, Papa? I'm not even tired."

Hugo's big green eyes scrunch shut as he yawns widely.

"Mmhmm. I can tell. You know what?" Adrien grabs another stuffed turtle from the bookcase and tucks it in beside the Carapace plushie already cradled in Hugo's arms. "Monsieur Vert looks very tired. He was almost sleeping over there! Maybe if you hold him really, really gently, that will help him fall asleep. I'm sure Carapace is tuckered out after a long day of superheroing, too."

"He is," Hugo says, nodding. He strokes his little hand up and over Monsieur Vert's soft shell. "I'll help them, Papa."

Adrien smiles even as his chest squeezes with emotion. "I know you will, my kind-hearted kitten." He can't resist pressing another kiss to Hugo's forehead and delights in receiving a loud, smacking kiss to his own cheek in return.

The turtle lamp on the nightstand is switched off and the Carapace nightlight beside the bookshelf activates, dim light glowing green through the plastic.

"Bonne nuit, ma petite tortue."

He watches his son cuddle his turtle and Carapace close as the closing door slowly eclipses the bed in shadow from the hallway light. Leaving the door open a crack, Adrien listens for a moment as Hugo gets comfortable in his bed.

He smiles as he pads down the hall toward Emma's room to join his wife for another round of goodnight kisses for their precious kittens.

*****

"Kitty, this is getting ridiculous. How is that the only thing he wants for his birthday?" Marinette shakes her head, but her grin betrays her lack of any real annoyance.

Adrien rubs his face and groans. "I know. Believe me, I know. Can you imagine if Nino knew?"

That surprises her. "You haven't told him? I told Alya ages ago when he said Carapace was his favorite." She thinks for a moment. "I don't think I've shared the, um...depth of the obsession, though."

He stares at her, deadpan, before they both laugh.

"Turtles I could handle, Mari. They're cute. They're green." He bats his eyes at her and she swats his arm playfully. "But Carapace? Carapace? When Chat Noir is right there? I don't get it."

"Awww, Chaton. Is my kitty jealous?"

"Of course not," he says, pouting, though he can't keep up the ruse and his smile breaks through. "Okay, maybe a little."

"Nino made a wonderful hero, and is the perfect holder for Wayzz, and you know it."

She scooches closer to him on the sofa and rubs his back gently. His eyes close for just a moment before opening them to find his wife gazing at him with what might just be his favorite look in her eyes - a teasing glint, a touch of heat, and an endless well of love. Everything goes fuzzy momentarily, but he catches her next words clearly.

"Besides, my favorite hero will always be Chat Noir. Always."

"Yeah?" he breathes.

She nods.

Her eyes go wide when he hauls her petite frame from the sofa beside him and settles her across his lap. She laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck and presses a kiss to his lips.

"What a coincidence, My Lady," he murmurs into the whisper of space between them, "because my favorite hero--" He pauses, kissing her again, "is also Chat Noir."

There's a beat of silence and then she's laughing, pressing her face into the crook of his neck to muffle her giggles. His arms tighten around her shaking shoulders as he laughs along with her, swept away by the sweet sound he will always love. There's no joy in the world quite like making his wife laugh.

"You know I'm kidding, Bug," he finally whispers into her hair when their laughter subsides. "Emma and I share a favorite hero. The greatest of all. Prettiest, too. Oh, wow, is she ever beautiful. And strong. And smart."

"Rena Rouge?" Marinette asks cheekily, her nose still pressed to his neck.

"Nooooo," he croons, tickling her sides until she laughs again. "It's Ladybug, jumping above, Lady magique et lady chance!"

"Kitty, no!" she begs through her giggles, "Don't get that in my head!"

"Too late!"

He silences the last of her laughter when he captures her lips with his, twin sighs mingling in the late-night quiet of the living room.

With forever in his arms and their shared future asleep down the hall, Adrien simply loses himself in this blissful moment, forgetting that their baby will turn five next weekend, that the passage of time is as inevitable as the dichotomy of creation and destruction. Wrapped up in his wife, time seems to stop altogether. Marinette - her love, her care, their unshakeable bond - is eternal.

But of course, the clock still ticks. And when they part a few minutes later, after one last kiss and a nuzzle of her nose against his, he still has to ask.

"So we're really throwing Hugo a Carapace-themed birthday party?"

She nods. "Yep."

"And we're buying him the new Shell-ter Secret Hideout Super Bunker, complete with Carapace action figure, power-ups, costume changes, a Turtle-mobile sports car that Nino never had, and four different colored shields that he also never had?"

"There's a jet, too, for some reason. But...yep."

Adrien nods slowly, a smile spreading across his face. "He's going to love it."

"Oh, he is," she affirms, her grin matching her husband's. "And so is Uncle Nino."

He snorts a laugh and pulls her close once more, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo.

"This'll be hilarious."

Marinette smiles against his shoulder.

"Yep."

*****

Everything is green.

Their normally colorful apartment seems to have transformed into an emerald dreamscape that doubles as a turtle sanctuary.

Everything is green, and there are turtles everywhere.

Sea turtles, tortoises, turtles of all kinds - including a certain turtle-themed superhero - adorn every surface. Adrien had been surprised by the amount of Carapace party merchandise he was able to find online. He's used to the numerous Carapace items in Hugo's bedroom, pieces he's added to his collection one by one over the past year or so. But this, his best friend's face dangling from streamers, emblazoned on little party hats, is just a little weird.

He's proud, though. A little jealous, a lot amused, and very, very proud. No desperately sad, pitifully lonely teenage boy has ever found a better friend than Nino Lahiffe. He's the brother of his heart, the mellow to his anxious, the staunch protector of their little group of best friends and hero teammates. Adrien has to admit that Hugo has great taste in favorite superheroes.

Someday he'll discover that his idol is also his Uncle Nino, but today is not that day. Today, the magic and wonder still shines in his son's eyes, and it's a beautiful thing.

Adrien putters around the kitchen making last-minute preparations to the food and drink selection, making sure there are plenty of cups and plates (all printed with a Carapace action scene, of course) stacked on the island. Oddly, he couldn't find Carapace napkins to go along with the other paper goods, but Marinette had saved the day by snagging a pack of sea turtle patterned napkins that coordinated perfectly in a pinch.

He smiles at the thought of his resourceful bug, his grin widening as he hears her welcome guests at the door. This is followed by a squeal of glee when Hugo and two of his classmates run off to his bedroom to play. Adrien shakes his head, still smiling. He'll have to lure them out in a bit with snacks and the promise of gifts and cake.

It's not like he doesn't already know from several years of experience that children's birthday parties are mostly adults mingling and intermittently making sure the kids don't get into too much mischief as they play together.

He takes the spinach quiche from the oven where it was warming up and sets it on the table with the other food, rebelliously placing a black potholder with a neon green pawprint pattern under the hot ceramic dish.

A towering, tiered tray of green macarons has pride of place on the dining room table, the top half of each cookie painted to look like a turtle's shell in edible glittering gold. They look almost too pretty to eat, and the same goes for the expertly-decorated turtle cake nearby, made by Hugo's grandparents and brought straight from the bakery for his big day.

The vegetable plate is an array of green, from broccoli to peppers to celery. The party has barely begun, but the celery is already running low, thanks to Emma's clandestine snacking in the hours beforehand.

Everything is green, and Hugo loves it. And that's what it's all about, really.

*****

Adrien is on his way back from checking in on the now half dozen kids playing in Hugo's room when he hears Alya's laughter from the entryway. Clearly she's spotted the party decor. He rounds the corner to find Marinette hugging her best friend, Alya's pregnant belly only getting in the way a bit and not stopping her from throwing her arms around Marinette's shoulders.

"Sorry we're late, Mari," she says, then pitches her voice to a stage whisper. "I had to pee. Twice." She leans back from the hug and cradles her bump. "Actually, I'm just going to..." She points down the hall, and Marinette laughs.

"Go for it, Als. We've all been there."

Nino is still crouched by the door, helping his daughter out of her jacket and shoes. He just shakes his head and laughs. She races off to find her "cousins" and Nino stands, kissing Marinette on each cheek and wrapping Adrien in a hug.

Surveying the apartment over Adrien's shoulder, he claps him on the back and says, "I love what you've done with the place. Very inspired design choice."

Adrien rolls his eyes and all three of them laugh.

"Hugo is obsessed with turtles. You have no idea."

"Oh, I think he has some idea, Minou." Marinette smiles at her husband over her shoulder, linking arms with Alya when she joins them again and ushering her into the green-bedecked living room.

He glances sidelong at Nino with a sheepish grin. "This isn't too weird for you, is it? It was all Hugo's idea. He hasn't stopped talking about his 'Carapace Turtle Party' for weeks," Adrien says, air quotes included.

"Nah, mec, it's cool. Kind of flattering." Nino raises an eyebrow and laughs. "What do you think he'll say when you tell him someday?"

Adrien just shakes his head. "Probably ask if you can adopt him and be his dad instead." His smile is teasing but just a touch rueful.

Nino laughs again. "No way, man. Number one, I've already got enough kids. Number two, you're the best dad. They love you like crazy, bro. Seriously."

His chest fills with warmth. Nino is such an incredible friend. And he's right (about the last bit, at least).

"They're incredible, Nino. Being a dad is..." He trails off, unable to find the words.

"I know, dude." He claps Adrien on the shoulder. "They're a pain in the ass, but they make up for it by being totally awesome."

Nino glances around, finally spotting the table full of green food and turtle-themed treats.

"Wait. Bro. Is that a turtle cake?"

*****

"You know," Nino says a few minutes later, washing down a matcha macaron with a swig of turtle punch, "I could get used to this. It would mess with my head, but after a while--" he looks at the cup with his face on it and shrugs, "it's not so strange. Better than having my face plastered on a billboard outside the Galeries Lafayette."

Adrien groans. "Et tu, Brute? Why would you remind me of that?"

"Because I can." Nino takes another bite of macaron and nudges his best friend's shoulder, laughing.

*****

As the kids snack and carry on, Adrien finally decides it's time to let his best friend see the Carapace shrine that is his son's bedroom.

Nino takes in Hugo's completely green, turtle-filled bedroom as Adrien waits with bated breath beside him for his reaction.

It is, as usual, relatively chill.

"Little dude has good taste!"

"Indeed." Wayzz peeks from Nino's collar with a pleased smile on his face. "The turtle has always symbolized wisdom, strength, and longevity." His tiny smile widens. "I'm also partial to the color green."

Nino steps farther into Hugo's room to examine the bookcase. "I...did not know they made this much Carapace merch."

"Believe me, there's more. We have to draw the line somewhere." Adrien closes his eyes and sighs. "Although he does brush his teeth with a Carapace toothbrush."

Nino's laugh starts as a snort and builds when he spots the Carapace wastebasket beside Hugo's bed and the Carapace plushie propped against his pillow. It turns positively raucous when he sees his best friend's face.

"Holy crap, dude," he wheezes. "This is hilarious. You must be so jealous."

"I am not!"

"You totally are."

"Well--" Adrien sputters, "Marinette is, too!"

"Not as much as you are, Kitty!" she calls from the living room.

Adrien throws his hands in the air. Nino doubles over.

"Chat Noir is cool, too," he mutters, petulant.

A still-laughing Nino pats his arm consolingly. "If it makes you feel any better, Chat Noir is my favorite hero...after Rena Rouge."

That actually does make him feel better, but he's not telling Nino that. Instead, he just grins a sly half-smile at his best friend. "Good save, man."

"Hey, I know which side my bread is buttered on, mec. Don't act like you don't."

Adrien is helpless to the smile that spreads across his face.

Nino groans. "You've been married for seven years, dude. Are you ever not going to go all gooey just thinking about Marinette?"

Adrien quirks an eyebrow and glances sidelong at him. Nino nods once and pats Adrien's shoulder.

"That was a dumb question, wasn't it?"

"Yep," Marinette says from the hallway behind them.

Adrien's heart beats faster at the twinkle in her eye. He wonders how much she heard. Probably all of it - she always did have sonic hearing, but motherhood seemed to ramp it up to eleven. Not much escapes his wife.

"Time for cake and presents," she announces. "Nino, you can revel in Hugo's Carapace shrine later."

"And I will, don't you worry," Nino says with a laugh as he turns to head back to the party.

Adrien throws an arm over his best friend's shoulder and smiles brightly at Marinette.

Hugo has merch, but Adrien has a real, live Ladybug who promised eternity to her Chat Noir. He holds his own favorite superhero in his arms every night, and nothing, nothing compares to that.

*****

Surrounded by wrapping paper and bows, the birthday boy sits on the floor with one last gift in front of him. The box is taller than he is when seated, and he has to stand up on his knees to tear the paper off the top. As soon as he can see what's inside, he shouts with glee and jumps to his feet. Overjoyed, he scampers around the coffee table to his parents, first thanking Marinette with a hug and kiss, then getting swept up in Adrien's arms for a bear hug.

The fact that Hugo doesn't push away from him to return to his barely-unwrapped gift is not lost on him, nor is the fact that he abandoned it and thought to thank them first in his excitement.

Sometimes Adrien feels like he's been given so much more than he deserves. Marinette alone is a blessing beyond his imagination, but Emma and Hugo, too? It's too much and he knows it, so he holds them close and relishes every single moment like this one with his little boy hugging him tight and murmuring thanks into his neck.

A few minutes later finds Hugo examining every detail of his new treasure (after Adrien wrangled all the parts out of their plastic-encased prison).

He claps his hands when he sees that this set comes with a bonus Chat Noir action figure in addition to Carapace and his shields of many colors.

"Maman!" he cries, jubilant, holding Chat Noir above his head so she can see. "Look! It has Chat Noir! You love Chat Noir!"

Blushing, Marinette pointedly avoids looking in the direction of the two moms of Hugo's school friends who've stayed for the party but smiles widely at her son. "I do. He's my favorite superhero of all time."

Hugo nods, turning to his dad where he sits beside him on the floor, struggling to snip the tiny plastic anchors holding each piece to the cardboard backing.

"See, Papa? He's Carapace's sidekick."

"Hey!" Adrien says indignantly. He looks up from the mess of cardboard and plastic in his lap as Marinette, Alya, and Nino laugh.

Nino, best bro that he is, chimes in. "Nah, little man, Chat Noir is no one's sidekick. He's way too brave and cool for that." He grins at Hugo and points first to the Carapace action figure on the coffee table and then to Chat Noir in his hand. "They're a team. Best friends and superheroes at the same time. That's why they're so awesome."

Hugo looks at the Chat Noir figure for a long moment. "Wow," he breathes. "Chat Noir is as cool as Carapace." He says it like a revelation that's rocked his entire worldview.

Alya sniffles and Marinette hands her a tissue.

"Okay, but Ladybug is still the coolest," Emma pipes up from Hugo's other side.

All the adults besides Marinette nod. Adrien reaches around Hugo to pat Emma's back.

"You're absolutely correct, kitten."

Marinette blushes again and Alya blows her nose.

Hugo tucks Carapace into the driver's seat of the Turtle-mobile with Chat Noir beside him as his passenger, racing the sports car across the rug toward his friends so they can play with his new toys, too.

Adrien looks from his son to his own best friend, and Nino gives him a thumbs up and a grin.

*****

Later, when the dishes are washed and their living room looks slightly less like a turtle habitat, Adrien sits on the sofa with a cup of tea and watches Hugo play with his new, treasured birthday gifts. The Shell-ter Secret Hideout Super Bunker is open, its many accessories strewn around Hugo where he sits cross-legged, Carapace in his left hand and Chat Noir in his right.

"I'll protect you!" "Carapace" cries, Hugo's voice pitched to sound brave and true but still carrying his sweet child's tone.

"Thank you for keeping My Lady safe, Carapace!"

Adrien snorts a surprised laugh into his tea. "Chat Noir" speaks in a husky growl, though Hugo gives him a note of cheery confidence, as though he truly appreciates Carapace's brave deeds, as though Chat Noir can take the decisive cataclysmic swing knowing his beloved partner is safe from harm.

And honestly, Hugo has the right of it. Adrien wonders how his son could possibly know that this exact scene - with slightly different dialogue, of course - played out many times over, years before he was born.

Hugo mimics the sound of an explosion, then an "oof!" as Chat Noir falls to his back but springs up again quickly. Just as Carapace returns to Chat's side with a confident, "What can I do to help save the day, Chat Noir?", Marinette's hands snake around Adrien's shoulders from behind, surprising him.

He sets his mug on a coaster on the end table and wraps his hands around her forearms, pulling her in closer. Leaned over the back of the sofa, she nuzzles his cheek with hers before pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I think we pulled off the dream turtle party pretty well, don't you, Chaton?"

"Oh, we turtle-y did."

Adrien delights in the huff of laughter she exhales against his cheek. That might be the most overused pun in the house, but sometimes it still lands just right. They watch Hugo play, matching grins making their cheeks press closer together.

"Looks like that was one shell of a gift, eh?"

He swoons dramatically, his head falling to the back cushion of the sofa so he looks at Marinette upside-down. "My Lady, you know what it does to me when you pun."

"Oh, I do," she says, completely unapologetic, and boops his nose.

He just has to lean up to kiss her because, well, she's so beautiful and he loves her so much and she's right there.

They break apart a moment later when they hear Emma call for Marinette from her bedroom. She plants one last upside-down kiss on his forehead and lets her hands drift slowly across his chest and shoulders as she stands.

She gives him a wry smile. "Duty calls."

"Hmmm," he hums thoughtfully, picking up his tea and taking another sip. "And here I thought her name was Emma."

Marinette groans at him as she walks away, and the sound catches Hugo's attention.

"Papa? Will you play superheroes with me?"

Of course. Always. I will never, ever be too busy for my kittens, he thinks.

"Sure, buddy," he says instead.

Finishing his tea in one big gulp, he slides from the sofa and scampers on hands and knees like a giant cat to where his son is playing. Hugo giggles at his dad's ridiculousness.

Adrien takes stock of the many accessories scattered around the play set and asks, "What are Chat Noir and Carapace up to today?"

Hugo explains the situation, the bad guy's motives, and what the heroes need to do to save Paris from disaster. Adrien listens carefully. Looking up at him with green eyes that match his own, big and wide and crinkled at the corners with his happy smile, Hugo offers the Chat Noir action figure to his dad.

"Will you be Chat Noir, Papa? He's Carapace's best friend in the world and they need to work together to save the day."

Adrien cradles the action figure in one hand and gently pats the pocket where Plagg hides with the other. His kwami presses a paw against his chest in return. Overwhelmed, all he can do is grin at Hugo and try not to cry.

"It would be my greatest honor," he vows grandly, holding up a hand in oath. "I purr-omise to be the best hero I can be. Cat's honor."

Hugo laughs. "You said honor twice."

"So I did. That's because it's very important."

His son nods solemnly, then reaches for Carapace's super jet. He places the hero in the cockpit and flies the jet around his head, making zooming noises.

"Are you ready, Chat Noir? I'm coming to pick you up!"

The jet has only one seat, but that doesn't seem to bother Hugo. Adrien readies the tiny plastic baton in Chat Noir's hand and uses it to vault from his own knee into the imaginary sky over Paris.

"Meow-velous!" he crows, delighted. "This cat is ready to be whiskered away in your very realistic jet! Allons-y, my turtle friend!"

Hugo giggles, Adrien's heart melts, and they set off on a grand adventure together.

[imnotasuperhero]

Take a chance and roll the dice

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Type: Fluff

Summary: You find yourself having to look after your neighbor’s nephew and niece. On Halloween. Which leads you to -maybe- hold a special feeling for this date from now on.

Wordcount: 1079

A/N: This is my contribution for @marvelsdc22 1k writing challenge!!! I know there’s plenty of time, but I wanted my prompt to mach the date, lmao.

Congrats again, Krys!! You deserve every follow. Here’s waiting for thousands more!! 

(Candies your way if you guess where I took the title from) HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!

Looking down at the expectant pairs of eyes, you smiled forcefully at them, making sure you remembered this the next time your mouth spoke before confirming with your brain.

"Ready to go, kids?" You questioned, praying for this night to be over rather sooner than later.

At the chants of 'yes's, you smoothed your shirt one last time before opening the door to a new part of life you never thought you'd experience.

When Milo complained about not being able to go trick-or-treating this year because of her aunt having a last-minute shift, your heart had shattered at his sad face, making you offer your help in a heartbeat. Let's be honest...no kid should miss the annual hunt of candies, which led you to dress up as Alvin, leaving Nadine to be Simon and Milo to be Theodore. Some family tradition their dad started when Nadine turned 2, as Wanda had said, in which they'd have matching costumes.

What had started as an uneventful evening became a tug of war between you and two demons that did nothing but bribe you after your slip-out.

"But miss Y/N! It's too early for bed," the youngest one pouted with his best puppy eyes. "Wanda always-"

"I'm not your aunt-"

"We stay up longer, or I'll tell my aunt about how beautiful you think she is," Nadine extended her hand, standing proudly with a smirk in place.

Mulling your options, you grunted before shaking her small hand. There was no way on earth you'd let Wanda know about it. 

"You have to change out of your costumes, though. And no more than five candies each." You looked down at them, making sure there was no room for arguments.

"Can we have popcorn, too?" the 4-years-old asked excitedly. You knew right then and there this kid will be the death of you.

"Go get changed, Nadine please help your brother." You smiled before walking to the kitchen as your mind went through all the movies you considered appropriate for this night.

After everything was ready and you had started the movie, all three of you cuddled together on the couch, enjoying the quietness of the night. 

You knew the kids hadn't had a nice year due to their parents passing away and their lives changing so suddenly, so you'd made up your mind to make life a little more bearable for them. Either it was by sharing your food with them whenever they passed your side or -you hoped-  babysitting them. After all, in these few hours, you realized this new part of life felt good and you were sure there was no way back, now.

"Miss Y/N? Can I have a flying broom?" Milo mussed with his green eyes glued to the TV, clearly amazed by Mindi and her grandma flying around the town.

"Only wizards or witches can have them," you kissed his brown hair.

"But Mindi didn't have her powers until she was 13!!! It means we can still have them, right?" Nadine perked up and you couldn't dare to take their excited smiles out of their faces.

But before you could answer her, the doorbell rang, making you grunt after you'd had found the right spot on the couch.

"WANDA, WANDA, WANDA!" The 9-year-old ran beside you, landing on her aunt's arms. "GUESS WHAT? Y/N SAID MILO AND I CAN HAVE A MAGIC BROOM!" 

"Oh? How so?" Wanda looked from Nadine to you, amusement shining bright in her green eyes.

"We're watching Halloweentown," you offered timidly, hoping it was enough to explain.

"Can we finish it before we go?" Milo asked from his place on the couch, sleep taking over him.

"Yes, please, auntie!! We want to watch them all!" Nadine took Wanda's hand and started dragging her to the couch.

"We can watch it at home," Wanda resisted her niece's attempts as she offered you a silent apology.

"It's no problem!" You found yourself answering, almost way too fast to be casual. "I mean, I'm not sleeping yet,"

"You sure we're not imposing? I mean, I'm sure you have better things to do than watch silly movies-"

"I'll stop you right there," you gasped, clearly shocked. "Halloweentown is no silly!" You playfully sneered, making her laugh that sound you've got to love.

"You're right, my bad." Wanda giggled as she put her bag down, letting Nadine guide her to the couch, sitting between both kids.

You wished you could take a picture at that moment so you could stare at that image forever.

Settling back against the couch, you let yourself relax once more. Content in the company you've got.

But, said peacefulness was short-lived when, somehow in the middle of the second movie,  your attention perked up.

"Shut up! Santa is real!" You heard Milo scream in your ear. 

You sent a confusing look to Wanda, only to be met with the same quizzical expression.

Content with your work, you looked up, finding Wanda's eyes glued to you. Her green orbs shining with something you couldn't put your finger on.

Looking down, you realized he had fallen asleep and was talking in his dreams.

Laughing softly, you quickly picked him sitting him on your lap, speaking soft reassurances to him until he relaxed his demeanor and any fight seemed to subside.

"I should go home," she spoke once she got out of her reverie, looking down to a sleeping Nadine.

"Let me help you," you mumbled, adjusting Milo's sleeping form on your arms as she did the same with Nadine.

Closing the door behind you, you walked the few steps to her house in silence. Only the sound of the crispy air being the witness of your unspoken feelings.

Part of you wanted to beg her to stay, just to spend more time in her company. But the rational part told you that you had no right. That there will never be anything else than you looking over her kids when she needed a hand.

"Let me take you on a date?" 

You looked at Wanda after you met her downstairs, having just put Milo in bed. 

"As a 'thank you'," she quickly explained, her cheeks tinting a soft pink.

"I'd love to,"

You didn't know what possessed you to accept so suddenly, but you wouldn't have it any other way. The shy smile on her face was something you couldn't resist but want to kiss. 

But you didn't. There would be time for kisses later. Hopefully.

----

Taglist: @marvelfansince08love @wannabe-fic-reader @natasha-danvers @rooskaya-yelena @sananabdliw @aaron-despair @username23345 @nate-the-dreamer @higherfurther-romanova @summergeezburr 

[emachinescat]

I've decided to watch MacGyver from the beginning (again), and I'm live tweeting the experience with every tweet tagged with #savemacgyver. I thought it would be fun to share my collected thoughts from the episodes on here as well.

My Thoughts on S1E2, "Metal Saw"

Seriously love the music in this show!

THE FREAKING BELT GRAB. You can tell they've done this kind of thing before.

I always love it when Jack and Mac have heart-to-hearts in the middle of super intense, dangerous situations. Like... it's sweet, but time and place, guys?

"Hi, I'm Jack." Nervous Jack is bebby.

Ew, sweat. Like, I know it's "realism" to have sweat stains on clothes in situations like these, but that's one bit of realism I can always do without. Gross.

Is that a bit of PTSD I'm seeing with Mac there on the couch? That's a kind of realism I can always get behind.

Riley finding Mac and Boze in that compromising position will never not be funny. "But he was on top." I love Riley more every episode.

Riley is a really good liar from day one.

I love the joke about ex-cons benefiting from being in relationships with stable people (i.e., fake boyfriend Bozer), then the immediate cut to Bozer with his whole arm inside the vending machine. Great stuff.

Love the Riley and Bozer bonding... right up until the cringe-tastic "Slide me your digits."

"Soon, I'm gonna woo you the same way Romeo would have wooed Juliet if they had Snapchat back in the Renaissance." Bozer and his surprisingly accurate pickup lines. The Renaissance did in fact start in Italy around the 14th century, when R&J is thought to take place.

I love all this psychoanalyzing of Mac. "Adapting is his survival mechanism." Also I'm living for Jack sticking up for Mac to Patti.

"This place has been searched by everybody and their dog." Is this a Texas thing or an old guy saying? Either way it's great.

Nothing beats the early days of Mac and Jack. Nothing. I wish we had gotten more interactions where Jack has to parent Mac: "Stop touching that. Look at me." ❤️❤️❤️

Jack so concerned about Mac and putting on the kid gloves = everything I could have ever asked for and more.

Jack has such a big heart. Poor guy, the look on his face when he sees that the reporter is actually Sarah...

Paperclip sculptures: When I first started watching the show, I thought they were lame. Now I miss them so much. Does that mean I've gotten lamer or that they were always cool and I was always lame?

"Closest time I ever came to coming home in a box." Oof. This line hits different now, and not in a good way.

I just love how Jack is this big tough ex-Delta who is so open about his emotions, particularly with Mac. And the way Mac reassures him... Their bromance is top-tier.

"Oh, like when they invented fire!" Another zinger.

Mac grabbing that giant cigar right out of that dude's mouth 😂😂😂

Love some good fight-scene Mac whump! 👏👏👏 And bar fights are always a blast!

Riley with the car door - such a boss. "What? You told me to stay in the car, and I did."

I've seen some people say they don't like S1 Mac's hair. I kind of dig it, to be honest. He looks like he's 5, but I love it.

Mac has made a lot of DIY cutting torches in his time, but they never get less impressive.

Jack trusting Mac to save Sarah while he keeps watch is just *chef's kiss*!

These early episodes have so many MacGyverisms. One right after the other. It's awesome.

I've never been a big fan of the dark either, Mac.

The first scene with Mac and Sarah is so beautifully tense and whumpy (he way he scrabbles for purchase, gasps for breath, that hitch in his voice as he tries to squeak out Jack's name) that I had to rewind and watch it again.

The hopeful disbelief in her voice: "Jack Dalton came for me?"

Sarah can kick some serious ass. I can see why Jack likes her. Too bad she's about to lead him on the rest of the episode, while actually having a fiance...

Sarah: *leans out of car, shooting her weapon with deadly, terrifying precision* Riley: I agree, this woman should not have kids. 😂 Everything that comes out of Riley's mouth is gold.

Riley asleep in the back of the car while Mac sits quietly and Jack and Sarah have a sweet moment is like mom and dad with the kids in the backseat. Except mom has a fiance and hasn't told dad yet, even though she's had ample opportunity.

Because seriously, Sarah. It's not that hard to tell him the truth. Giving him those big eyes and flirting with him, thinking he has a chance is just cruel. I have never liked her character, and this is why.

Mac and Jack giggling about Jack's crush on Sarah like middle-school girls is life.

"You're just gonna have to let that go." Man, I love their relationship.

Gosh, the scene where they find Luis always hurts so badly. These early episodes did not play around.

"There isn't always time to beg some suit back home for permission to do what's right." I'm not a fan of Sarah, but I love this line. Also, this is pretty much the synopsis of the whole show.

Riley's hair used to be so LONG! 😍

The loyalty of these three! And I love the OG trio so much.

This sleazy guy in the computer place makes my skin crawl.

Love how Patti's like, "Mac will be back by then." Not Jack, not Riley. Just Mac. Can we say teacher's pet? I actually lowkey love this though.

"Who is this guy?" Much like Doctor Who's "It's bigger on the inside," I never get tired of people being equally amazed and confused at the stuff Mac can do.

I've never been the biggest car chase junkie, but Barrios jumping over the car using that log in the road is pretty dope.

Sarah's rage is chilling. And Jack talking her down breaks me every time.

Again, I love the loyalty of our team. Everyone sticks up for each other, ending with Mac's totally unbelievable but still somehow 100% genuine "It was me. I forced them." TOO good.

First mention of Oversight this early. Just thinking about who it is that doesn't like unsanctioned ops just makes me 😤 I wonder if the writers knew who OS was at this point or if it was a later development.

I do wish we could have gotten more conspiratorial, approving Patti. She's so much better than expressionless, bland Patti.

The way Sarah never told Jack about her fiance Jeff (who is in fact a cinnamon roll but still a discount Jack) pisses me off. "I tried to tell you." Yeah, right. It's not that hard to say, "Yo, I'm in a relationship."

Jack NEVER should have found out about Jeff the way he did. There's no excuse.

It's not okay, Jack. She did you wrong. You didn't deserve that. Stand up for yourself, man. Gosh, he's so broken here, and I hate it.

"At least we have each other... Don't look at me. I know how weird it sounded." THESE TWO I SWEAR ����🤣🤣

Poor Mac. I do love how we get his obsessive tendencies so early in the show, and how they keep coming back, even as late as season 5. As someone with clinically diagnosed OCD, this makes me feel seen and I love being able to relate to my favorite character.

Love the found family antics at the end. Riley and Bozer making dinner while Mac and Jack play basketball? Perfection.

Lol, Bozer calling Riley a "caramel goddess" has such Schmidt/Cece vibes from New Girl, and I dig it!

Ew. More sweat. I know some people find sweaty men attractive, but that is NOT my vibe. I prefer my men clean and freshly laundered.

The way Riley glances back over her shoulder at them as she walks away, as if to make sure they're really there, that this is actually real!!!

"That's not even... that's true, actually. That's sad." Jack 🤣 Also, "I'm hungry." Big mood.

As a Grandpa Harry stan from the OG show, I eat up any mention of him in the new one. I just wish we'd gotten more of that wonderful man in the reboot. Still, I'll take what I can get!

I'd honestly forgotten how much I enjoy this episode! So solid, full of bromance, found family, and lots of good-natured bickering. Can't wait to watch the next one, hopefully tomorrow! In the meantime, please keep fighting for our show! Together we can #savemacgyver!

If anyone wants to join me in my re-watching and tweeting adventure, please do! It's my way to take about an hour a day in my busy, busy life to commit to the #savemacgyver movement. (And to enjoy my favorite show yet again!) If you do tweet as you watch, make sure to tag EVERY tweet with ONLY #savemacgyver so we can keep that hashtag trending! :)

Thanks for letting me share my (numerous) thoughts on this episode. This was really fun, and I hope it's something you all enjoy, too. I'd love to know what you all think of the episode in the comments! ❤️

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reactions to Truth!

Just going to go straight into it because this episode is huge! I really like how at the end of a season and the beginning of another, we see the same scene that leads us out of one and into another. Gabriel fixes the Miraculous and ohhh poor Dusuu thought it was all a dream, being in evil hands. So in a way, the Miraculous being damaged may have been a blessing for her. Dx Too bad it couldn't have been fixed after Marinette got it back :/ But at least Nooroo isn't alone right? Legit only positive I can get from this. ;-; Tikki and her little hats omg it's so cuuuute! I wonder if she makes her little clothes, too awww But the other Kwami's are almost like siblings to Tikki if you think about it. Now Tikki has to share things with them all as they cause chaos all around when she's so used to her quiet life alone with Marinette. Even for a Kwami, that must be hard to adjust to.

Okay so it's almost Prince Ali's birthday that Paris is going to celebrate. Interesting! I'd really like to see him back and a storyline with that. :O Marinette holding something, clearly, that the girls can't see over video chat. Talking to what appears to be herself, reacting to what someone's saying from different sides of her room. Camera flashes going off. And then her phone getting yeeted at her all on a video call with her friends when she's supposed to be alone...considering they're all going to have Kwami's and learn some things later as they become heroes, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if they think back to this scene someday! OH WAIT spoiler for the upcoming episode Gang of Secrets!!! Fair warning. What if this episode with the plushies she said she's going to make, is one of if not the reason they go over and are looking around her room? Because she's been acting sus and they want to know what's going on. Especially after what happens later in the episode with Luka. Okay, back to the episode itself. Her friends observation: You're acting way weirder than normal.... IS ADRIEN AT YOUR PLACE?! I mean, fair point. xD But the thing is, whenever Marinette tends to act weirder or say/do things that Alya and the girls don't understand, it's almost always connected to her being Ladybug/Guardian. Even Lila. If she wasn't Ladybug and dealt with her so much as her, she wouldn't know a lot of things that made her not trust Lila to begin with. So Marinette has to overcompensate to try to hide everything or can't explain her thoughts or feelings about certain situations, so Alya always just assumes her behavior has something to do with Adrien. It really sucks but at the same time, what else is she going to think?

These Kwami are a lot of trouble. xD Now she's even more frazzled, so she calls Luka Adrien. More than once. I've done this where I call my siblings the wrong name more of than I'd like so I can't fault her for it. Her mind's probably a mess, poor girl. Dx "I'm sorry it's just that I cheated on you!" BIG OOF. But this gives me Kim Possible vibes when Ron assumed Kim didn't want him anymore and told her he was cheating on her when he meant to say he was cheating to be on the football team so he could be more worthy of her when he thought she wanted to "trade up" her boyfriend. Our poor Marinette! So frazzled she can't remember when her dates are, when they've been rescheduled. She can't remember her patrols with Chat Noir which are really important. She's getting to the point where it's going to be a wonder she can even function. Dx "But Marinette and I are such a big fan of his" wow this sure hits different. The way they kept quizzing each other to finish the sentence with Jagged Stone trivia was pretty cute. Luka having her finish the line with "Kiss me" that she screamed to the entire theater made me choke on my cake. "Well, if that's what you want." Smooth. "I think, yes. I want to." But you know, it gets interrupted by an akuma attack of course because that's just the way things work! :D And wouldn't you know it, it's Mr. Pigeon. AGAIN. Totally worth interrupting the moment lol Ladybug can't pick and choose, however, so here comes the sequence where she's constantly running off and he starts doubting her. Notice the parallel when Marinette started to like Luka after Adrien could never show up to things? Now Marinette's having trouble showing up and Luka's having issues with it. The second Chat Noir started to sneak up on Ladybug, we all knew he was going to get flipped. But it's so adorable and funny at the same time I love it x333 And that whole scene there of Ladynoir. Obviously it's a Lukanette-centered episode but the Ladynoir in this episode! So good! And you know, it's interesting. First time we see Adrien this episode is for FIVE whole seconds! And the way it abruptly cut off as he opened the car door... yeah you know what, Lies is going to be Adrien's POV or something of this same day. It has to be. He has 2 total scenes one of them is 5 seconds and the other one is 2 seconds. Crazy. We got about 7 seconds of Adrien's face today woo! But ugh here's where we get hurt Luka ;-; "A girl, who as always, isn't here." Ouch. The fact that if Marinette said she loved Adrien still, he'd understand and he'd get it is so sweet, and so sad that it's not even because of that, it's because she's Ladybug and the Guardian and she can't say a thing about it to him at all, that he can't accept. It's the one thing he couldn't deal with that's the issue and that really sucks. AND THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE HAD ME GASPING AND HURTING FOR LUKA. IT'S THE MOMENT HIS HEART BROKE

But also really guys, did you notice his eyes are different now? Almost like a blue diamond look or something.

Luka trying to fight it, trying to tell Hawk Moth that the truth needs to be willingly told, not forced. But stupid Hawk Moth's able to get him to hold on anyway and gets akumatized. But not before he told Marinette to run. Which was such an awwww moment. x33 I mean, this is definitely getting a bit close to Chat Blanc territory if you ask me. New transformation music is pretty good! I like it. Also can we just appreciate that instead of trying to track down Marinette to get the truth from her, he's instead asking all her friends and family, pretty much any source besides her? AND ROSE'S RESPONSE "Marinette has no secrets because she's the most honest girl in the world!" She thinks so highly of her and it's just so beautiful. Nobody would blame her for these secrets if they only knew either. But awwwwww I love this scene!! And here's the big reveal! (no not that one) Jagged Stone is Luka and Juleka's father. 😮

Thomas today tweeted that Luka and Juleka are twins. Which would have to be fairly obvious after this reveal. There's no way that Jagged, who says he'd be a lame dad and left because he wasn't cut out for it, would have Luka with Anarka, then stay long enough to also have Juleka. I also totally forgot that in the French version, Jagged has an American accent when he speaks. XDD Just the fact that even WITH his truth powers, he asked his mother TWICE who his father was. Both times she said Jagged Stone. He still didn't believe it until he went to Jagged himself omg. This poor poor boy. Luka: 😱*gasp* Marinette: 😲 *gasp* Adrien: 😮 WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY OMG. LIKE I'M WATCHING A TELENOVELA OR SOMETHING. THEY EVEN ZOOMED IN ON THEIR REACTIONS I CAN'T And then Luka just yeets his dad because he wasn't ever there for him. I honestly did not expect Luka having dad issues to ever be a thing in this show, even though I knew he wasn't around. So like... when everything's worked out with Marinette and Adrien in the end, will Luka and Adrien end up becoming friends and bonding over things, like the whole daddy issues thing...? Are we really supposed to believe she has no feelings for Chat Noir? I mean really, look at this.

"I can't imagine what your daily life must look like" ... is she really actually being the one to bring up something about his secret identity? With that face? 😲

Their flirty banter that at this point I don't even think they realize it is, and those soft looks I just... My top ship is Ladynoir and I was not expecting any significant moments of theirs but I got it anyway. Just watching their scenes, I kept going "See, this is why they're meant for each other." My heart is happy despite all the Luka pain! It's helping me cope with it, okay? "When you're ready, I'll be here for you, Marinette." Awww so they're telling us Lukanette is on hold here. Not a guarantee, but at least on hold. He's an option for her later. So now the Adrienette vs. Lukanette for S4 we heard about awhile back makes sense now. Later on this season, probably when things calm down and she gets the hang of things, she'll be in a better position to be with someone. And by then, Adrien will probably realize and understand his feelings for Marinette. So then she'll be in a position to choose between them. Now we know where Luka gets his ability to turn emotions into great songs. That's adorable! Father-son bonding! Gabriel needs to take notes when a man who was never in his son's life as more than his idol has the ability to try to be there, but Gabriel can't. Ugh our poor Marinette, probably thinking she's going to be alone for a very long time just because of a supervillain. That's so wrong she has to feel like this. If you notice, Hawk Moth's akumatizations help people patch up relationships so much of the time as a weird unexpected result of an akuma attack. And yet, he does nothing but hurt Marinette and at times Adrien, the most when he akumatizes people. He makes me so angry! But I'm too tired for a rant about that. At least the Kwami hugs at the end helped a teeny bit anyway! c: