#then kinda thought i didnt. but now im like. yaknow it doesnt have to be source income either. its just.can you imagine drawing a bunch

[our-inspire-verse]

This Saturday is our Art anniversary of 13 years, starting from when we first invented our most prominent OC of the time. Making a celebration video and posting it this Saturday. Wild how that date crept up on us huh? Wild. 2011 i laid on my floor and colored pieces of a cat drawing and didn't know it would form my personality(ies) for well over a decade.

I've spent a lot of this time trying to make something out of it that it wasn't ready for. It wasn't cooked near enough. But right now it's at a pivotal time and place in its creation, and after a couple years hiatus from spending any real time and effort on it, I'm going to be making comics, zines and other related things for it.

Xenokattz 13 years celebration begins this weekend

[neutrallyobsessed]

EPISODE 7!!!!!!!!!! I SAW THE PREVIEW IMAGES

NOW I KNOW WHO MARY IS Y EL ALMA ME VUELVE AL CUERPO!!

sehh el sindrome de abstinencia de topher bus viene con español de mas, asi que deberia ser tobi col, que se yo puta madre DONDE ESTASSSSSSSSSS

but lets see how this revelation comes to them~~

hmm so theres this kinda lack of feelingggg, like now Joan and Abe are literally each other's girl and boy next door,,,, they're doing this taylor swift thing were they speak from the windows....hmm i need more jealousy fits from each other about each other yknowww

BUENO COJAN YAAA A VERRR POR DIOSSSSSS

wait, so if Abe is gonna be like JFK, and JFK is gonna be like Abe.. then wHO'S DRIVING THE VAN???????

oh man, i love that type of joke! in the fic im writting i put it several times like actually lolol

((((~~save me oh, save me topher of the intro~~))))

ohhhhh new clones??? or maybe not, it does sound like a lot of work lmaoo yeahhhhh

without raisins lol

oh damn that epic yo but like, did you fuck harriet at least?

TOPHER!

aghhhughhohgoihjbnjdwieouwhaoaogsghhh hhhhh ok,,, okkk ok we all know that i wanted him back and HE IS BACK FUCK YEAH but i cant really decided if that was a good way or a bad way but lets just say that my ice cold water bottle has completely evaporated!! and imma- imma get a new one...... brb yeah :)

but like- yeah that's 3 (THREE) unfunny yet popular hcs disproven by canon all at once: he DOES shower, he DOES have hair and he DID fuck at least once.......... tbh the balding virgin is kinda funny but i have my reasons~ and come on people! who doesnt love a good cold shower cuaNDO TE ESTAS CAGANDO DE CALOR VIEJA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO WAIT 4(FOUR) HCS! He doesn't dye his hair either! but like, that's not bad or unfunny is just- Do you know why el Dibu Martinez is nicknamed like that?

NO YEAH VAN GOGH I BELIEVE YOU 100% LIKE ACTUALLY SJKSJSKJSKSKS and can we get a hell yeah for Ivan? hell yeah!!

EL PRIMAS!!! EL JOTA EFE KA ES EL PRIMAS!!!!!! tho i expected that more of topher yaknow? like! like he had the sleepover with abe como no vas a traer a tus primas???

ooooooooooh Erica Rivinojaaaa you wouldnt fuck abe? thats actually super cool and a breath of fresh air. like a lot of writers and producers self insert in their shows to fuck their characters but here Rivinoja is like "nope im not gonna fuck the characters!" and thats actually hella based, we love to see it!!! leaving that to the fans eh ;)

yeah you know all bout cementary film screenings dont you joan? lol

ok i know she means she doesnt like having her picture taken without consent but still, you did sent a titpic to abe soooooo

UUUUGHHHHH FUCKING FINALLY i thought they all knew tho, like especially Cleo? who dated Abe?? eh whatev lol

OMG THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS AMIRITE PEOPLE!!!

YEAHHHH JEALOUSY FIT, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING~~♥!

OH SHIT J- CL- BUT NOW WITH M- IS BACK!!!!!!!!

my fav gags making their appearances once again!

ohohoh they gonna find out~~ NO SHE DIDNT GO BACK~~!!! OOOO- yeah explain that Cleo wasn't invited there.... that she was barely in the show last season.......... LIKE- YKNOW

Ahahaha funny you say that cause before that you were like tHiS SO laMe and now you do want to get invited aaaa

This scene is so aesthetically pleasing.... and ok if it is Bloody Mary, it's ok for an overuse of blood, but still, it could have a lot more impact if y'all DIDN'T overuse blood all those times before!!

people die all the time, yeah ok lmaooo

HI! JSKSJSKSJKSJSKSJKSJJSKSJS

Aww the boys care for her- NOOO UN PINCHE FURRRO AAAAAA

oh what is this? scott pilgrim?

Hmmm didn't understand that reference...

And that's why we all need to stay hydrated and have a nice cold bottle of water near by~!

Hahahah~~! HAHAHAHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO GIRL! you having sex with EVERYONE who DONT MATTER what the fuck

there is SO MUCH jealousy and regret in this screenshot, i love it!!

Rating: Abe still a virgin/10!

Topher Bus has appeared on screen for 8 seconds.

[spirituallyunhinged]

so for my days i tend to count 1:30 am tuesday as monday because im still up so ive classified as soon as i wake up id be the next day on my list since it starts when i pass out so had a weird dream last night that im thinkin was meant to count in my tuesday part of the plan for this week so technically it was the first thing that occurred for today

ANYWAYS i went ti bed n was ready to sleep sleep but ended up in a kinda trance ish doze (this doesnt happen too often it was weird) and i had a very vivid dream which i only remember the end which i was looking up at a dark grey almost shadowy figure and i was like chest to chest with it i felt it touching me right but it was talled than me so looking up it looked like a deer for a minute before the shadowy ness shifted into a bear like i could only see the outline of it and its eyes (which we like glowing) n i thought it was growling at me but like idk about that now cuz i think it was just looking at me n it was too much for me so i freaked a bit when i woke up panicked from being overwhelmed but (as with alot of dreams that scare me) i ended up just making sure my room was protected but like i didnt really push anything other than harmful energies out cuz ive kinda conditioned myself to do that after various dream “attacks” like i was barely awake as i was doing it n once thay was done i was like welp im drained n tired n passed tf out n slept normally it was weird

after i woke up i gave my energetic offerings and then grabbed my pendulum for asking about the physical one cuz im chronically ill n have been giving energetic offerings everyday but felt called to give some physical stuff (like specifically on tuesday but it came in last week on thursday when i asked em so this is my first week of that new practice)

but as i was doing my research for today i found THIS

which what yhe fuck wikipedia why was this the set up like this statues pic just like i paused n went uhm wait cuz it gave the same kinda vibes?? n i kinda figured if it was meant to be one of the two it wouldve been artemis because of the vibes yaknow?? but then i found this while just kinda scrollin through wiki cuz i like starting on there n the theoi.com but like i feel kinda crazy but thats the color n the like downwards stare too so idk

[solarsleepless]

Hello good sir.

Please rant to me about avian hybrid/ Lion hybrid/ enderman hybrid c!Niki headcanons and au's. I NEED MORE of your c!niki banter cs I have already read your fics 3times over and over again.

SHJHJSHJSHJSHJSH GIVE ME GENDER EUPHORIA AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

i'll give some hcs for each

Avian Niki

niki is either a crow hybrid or an angel hybrid. on one hand crow niki is funny to me on the other hand badass angel

her feathers, ironically, stay white during her 'villain' arc because yaknow symbolism

when she was going out with puffy, she'd let puffy preen them

because she was the only other winged hybrid, quackity trusted her to preen his own wings

in return he preened hers while she was in jail

she used to fly with puffy because love <3

during her isolation arc, she takes out feathers as an unhealthy coping mechanism, reasoning to herself that there's no need to preen if she doesn't have any feathers left (yes it's morbid)

eventually tho she just. doesnt even wear clothes for her wings

she just hides them underneath, which is of course VERY uncomfortable

they get worse and worse and ache more and more and she wants to fly so badly but she can't unless she preens them and she can't because she just can't!

when she joins the syndicate, the first thing phil says during their second meeting is: "hey niki didn't you have wings? what happened to them?"

his voice is tinged with sympathy; he knows what it's like to not be able to fly

she freezes, just stops moving, then starts to cry

phil is worried he's done something wrong, but then she reveals that she's kept her wings hidden under wil's coat and cloak all that time (note the symbolism)

he immediately is like "what the FUCK" when he sees them because there are feathers falling when it's not even shedding season yet?? also there are a few in places they shouldn't be at all? there are some fucking missing?????

long story short it takes multiple hours to get them back in place

niki passes out during it because it's been so long since she hasn't been in constant pain

when she wakes up, phil insists on keeping her there to preen her wings

also the syndicate has a long discussion about what happened and they promise each other and themselves to help her get better

Lion Hybrid Niki

she purrs end tweet

no but seriously this girl will purr to end and back

she purrs louder than ranboo which is SAYING something

she loves the scritchy scratches behind the ears. like REALLY loves 'em. she'll just- once you give her scritches she just. surrenders and leans into it. her purring sounds like a fucking jet plane when she gets the scritchies

she can roar, she only uses it to intimidate people tho

her self-worth is just. deeper than bedrock. she has no self-worth

she and puffy are working on it but she still... needs help

sometimes she gets phantom pain from her declawed fingers. she's found out it hurts less when she massages it, but she can't actually reach it, so she asks puffy to do it, and puffy can't help but feel guilty each time she sees the stumps

also niki hates getting her nails trimmed. like HATES it. even if she doesn't want them growing as long as they did before, the idea of something sharp near her fingers after what happened just makes her blanch

eventually tho she does have to do it

she hugs puffy while ant cuts her nails, and puffy whispers sweet, reassuring comments to her.

like

"you're doing so good. i'm so proud of you" and "we're almost there. you okay? we're gonna get through this."

sometimes tho niki just.. can't handle it. but she doesn't want to disappoint puffy either so she tries to just get through it anyways.

puffy notices her discomfort and asks her if she wants to stop. niki hesitates before nodding.

"niki, you being comfortable is so much more important than this. we can do it tomorrow, okay?"

Enderman Hybrid Niki

makes littol enderman noises. sometimes when she's stressed, sometimes just idly, sometimes when she's happy!

she has a tail because how can i not give her one

also she has pawsies and hands like magpiebur by @/nightferns (BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY THEY DRAW WILBUR'S PAWWWS)

can withstand water a little better than ranboo, being more human than him

it still burns though

she just has higher pain tolerance lul

also can touch snow unlike ranboo because she's half human, half enderman

her ears and tail twitch whenever she's anxious

didn't really like eye contact, and the l'manbergians respected that (esp eret who didnt like people staring at their eyes either) until schlatt came along and basically forced it, so she kinda forced herself to do it from then on

unlike ranboo however, she doesnt go into enderwalk. she actually hasn't got an enderwalk because ranboo got it from nervous habit and it 'evolved' from there (my hc anyway), she instead literally gets hurt

like it hurts her to make eye contact

ranboo sees that she makes eye contact despite being an enderman hybrid and is like: "...HOW???"

she's just like "oh i force myself to do it lul. cause everyone expects me to anyways. it hurts after a while but its fine"

he just goes completely silent after that, then tells phil and techno at the syndicate meeting (while niki is admiring steve) not to hold eye contact w/niki because it hurts her

techno: "HEHH??? she seemed fine when i visited her!!" ranboo: "yeah she's been hiding it this whole time because society expects her to do it." techno, an adhd fella: "..phil where are the adoption papers-"

niki's confused by the end. why did nobody look at her? why did nobody maintain eye contact with her??? did they not like her?

but at the end phil explains that they thought that because she was an enderman hybrid she wouldn't like it (they're lying to not throw ranboo under the bus)

niki just stares, then starts to cry because holy Shit they are so nice

"nIKI NO YOU'RE BURNING-"

used to bite her tail as a way of self-harm. techno was VERY concerned when he saw the bite marks, but niki just lied and said that it was a dog attack

he knows for a fact it wasn't a dog because he's been bitten and his furniture has bites and it didnt look like that

more like that One Time when Ranboo bit him while he was in his enderwalk state

cue him connecting the dots and being like "...WAIT"

niki also really likes blocks. like we all know her city is weird in some parts because it's built with different blocks, signifying niki's jumbled up mind while planning to kill tommy. but in the enderman hybrid niki hc, its also partly because blocks feel nice and she wanted to feel different ones

her tail curls around the legs of people she likes. so far, it's gone around: wilbur, tommy n tubbo (those two specifically during pogtopia), fundy, eret, puffy and the rest of the syndicate

whenever puffy made her flustered she'd blush either green or pink. no inbetween. puffy was very confused and thought niki was disgusted by her at first and was all :(( before niki explained her wack biology

that's all i got for now im afraid!

[sunstar121]

hey heres some assorted thoughts about traitorboo (+ traitorboo in sbi)

-ranboo is careful. of course he is, have you seen how anxious the man is?

-he never lets himself be seen going through the portal. he always takes an invis pot or pearls/teleports next to it/away from it

-hes got a little house near technos- nothing big, just a little cabin that he stores supplies in and sleeps in when he visits

-the basement of the cabin is a safe room, mostly used for when people from the rest of the smp come to visit techno

-techno: is that quackity on the horizon? what is he doi-

-ranboo, already halfway in his safe room:

-he calls the cabin his vacation house, and jokingly builds a palm tree outside of it

-(he hopes that it stays that way. he doesnt want to think about it becoming his permanent house)

-(doesnt want to think about what that would mean)

-when he first built it, he left it very bare- the inside had a crafting table, a furnace, a couple chests, and a bed. that's it

-one day when he was in l'manburg, techno and phil snuck over and decorated the place

-im talking fancy carpets and banners, custom art, flower pots, brewing stands, bookshelves, extra decorations to the outside, you name it the lads added it

-ranboo, eyes wide: wha-what happened to my house?

-phil: ah, we thought, well, since you're spending more time here, we thought we'd make your place a little nicer! least we can do for all you've helped us, mate.

-ranboo, in tears: o-oh

-he bonds with edward, and the two frequently gossip about other members of the server to the immediate dismay of everyone around

-edward: O⍑ ᒲ|| ⊣𝙹↸ ↸╎�� ||𝙹⚍ ⍑ᒷᔑ∷ ∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣ w╎ꖎʖ⚍∷ ↸╎↸ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ 𝙹ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ ↸ᔑ||?

-ranboo: O⍑ ᒲ|| ⊣𝙹↸ ᓭ!¡╎ꖎꖎ

-edward: ʖ╎ℸ ̣ ᓵ⍑ ʖ∷𝙹⚍⊣⍑ℸ ̣ ᔑ ᓭ⍑ᒷᒷ!¡ ╎リ ⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ! iℸ ̣ ʖ╎ℸ ̣ ᒲᒷ!

-techno, clutching his head: please for the love of god stop shit talking in a language I cant understand

-he gets. a little paranoid about his memory book

-bc in this au he spends more time with tommy and learns about the shit dreams done, he gets really paranoid that dream might try to recruit him (they have very similar ideas and morals, after all)

-and he gets very paranoid that dream/dreams allies might try to tamper with his book

-because of that, he now keeps three versions of the book, all of which are updated with the same information;

-one in his inventory(the og), one in his enderchest, and one in his safe room

-techno 'accidentally' leaves one of his dogs in ranboos house. ranboo adopts them and names them Dog Log

-he never said he was good at naming things

-in terms of sibling dynamics, he acts like the middle child that completely abuses the fact that they're mostly overlooked by the parents

-he gets away with so much shit, and the sbi boys are both upset and surprised at how much he gets away with

-ghostbur has a counter of how many shenanigans in a row ranboo has committed without getting chewed out by phil

-current total: 10 shenanigans (one of which being putting pink dye in phils shampoo and poorly framing techno. everyone is still flabbergasted that he didnt get caught)

-its not even that phil doesnt see the shenanigans happening. he does see it most of the time, usually he either just doesnt care or has other things to worry about

-tommy: dad this is COMPLETE favouritism. you literally just saw ranboo steal technos pick and rename it 'pick on someone ya own size'

-phil: yes. but I also saw you take carls armour and rename him 'sub to tommyinnit'. can. you can see why I'm chewing you out, right? you can see how the thing you did was worse, right?

-this only fuels ranboo even more. his power grows

-both ranboo and techno are really bad with the cold, and tommy 'clingyinnit' innit takes ABSOLUTE advantage of this

-what I'm trying to say is: sbi cuddle piles ('for warmth! you guys are cold! it's for warmth!') are very common after ranboo joins

-in the beginning, techno is very worried for his new brothers combat skills

-i mean, the guy kinda just sat on the sidelines instead of fighting when the butcher army came around, right? hes probably bad at combat and wanted the others to handle it

-so when they start training, techno isnt expecting much. he starts out by teaching ranboo some piglin fighting stances, and his brother seems pretty receptive to them

-eventually techno asks ranboo to spar with him, yaknow, to see how hes doing?

-he absolutely does not expect ranboo to bust out some balls-to-the-walls hybrid fighting moves

-ranboo is light on his feet, and practically leaps and jumps through the entire battle, weaving around technos heavy attacks with relative ease

-ranboo loses, of course ('technoblade never dies'), but does delight in the flabbergasted look techno gives him

-(he uses a hybrid set of End fighting moves and skywars moves. they make him incredibly quick in battle, and give him an incredibly fast reaction speed)

[jamaisvusbf-moved]

prologue: the beginning 2.0

june 12th, 2013

taehyung had banned him from the living room today, saying him and his friends have "important bussiness to attend to and couldnt let little babies like you get in the way of it." jungkook was frankly very offended. he was not a baby, he was 15 turning 16 in like two months, thank you very much.

and "important bussiness" his ass, he could hear shouting and the sound of video games from all the way upstairs.

jungkooks stomach grumbled, he pouted, annoyed. he hasn't had lunch yet today because tae had told him not to leave the guest room just after breakfast, right before his friends came over.

jungkook decided he would risk taes wrath and and left the room he had been to told to stay in "no matter what, lest there be consequences."

he got to the bottom of the stairs and realised that the shouting had died down, jungkook paused for a second, kinda scared that the others had heard him coming down the stairs.

but when tae didnt run towards him weilding a baseball bat, prepared to assault him for not listening to him, jungkook deemed it safe to continue his journey to the kitchen.

which happened to pass by the (very slightly) open door to the living room.

the words, "if only we had a drummer," drift through the crack. jungkook freezes, curious.

"we've been searching for two years, i'm starting to think drummers are a myth made up to stop people who are trying to form bands from forming bands." says another voice.

a scoff, "shut up, namjoon, that sentence barely made sense."

jungkook hadnt meant to eavesdrop, he swears. but hes still stuck on the "if only we had a drummer" because he realised that "hey, im a drummer," and burst through the door before he can think about the consequences and almost shouts, "i play the drums!"

taehyung and the friends he had over (all of whom he had neglected to introduce jungkook too, jungkook thought, a little bit bitterly) jumped and turned to stare at him. "you what?" tae blinks.

"i play the drums." jungkook says a little slower, realising he had rushed and slurred his words together before.

"you what?" taehyung repeats, with wider eyes and a different kind of surprised in his tone.

"i play the drums." jungkook rolls his eyes and says a little louder, just in case his older cousin was going deaf.

"you what?" taehyung repeats again, dumbfounded.

"he says he plays the drums, dumbass." one of taes friends says. a kinda short dude wearing a beanie and a skirt, the owner of the voice that had told namjoon to shut up, flicks him on the back of the head to emphasize his words.

taehyung hisses in pain and turns to the other with a shout of, "dont swear in front of my baby cousin!"

jungkook crosses his arms, taking offense to that. "im not a baby, and ive been living with you for a week, dont be a fucking hypocrite, tae."

someone giggles to his right, and he turns to look at them, half glaring in case theyre laughing at him because they think hes stupid and half smirking in case the other is laughing at him because they think hes funny.

he kinda freezes when he makes eye contact with the guy laughing at him when he realises that, oh my god i didnt know someone with such cute cheeks could have arms like that.

(un)fortunately he didnt have time to stare before his cousin was assaulting him, thankfully without a bat. "dont fucking swear at me, you brat!" tae yelled before he was jumping at jungkook, succeeding in knocking both of them to the floor.

"fucking hypocrite!" jungkook pushed tae off of him, before sitting on his stomach and pinning his arms to the floor under his legs, "yaknow, just cause youre older than me doesnt mean youre stronger."

the guy with the cute cheeks was full out laughing now, bending over into a tall dude wearing a leather jacket beside him, who had started joining in with a high pitched laugh.

jungkook was still not sure whether to be offended or proud, but was saved the trouble of having to choose when the dude whos name he assumes is namjoon, from the conversation he eavesdropped on, steps forward and pulls him off of tae saying, "you said you play the drums?"

"yeah." jungkook says, watching as tae stands up and glares at him, brushing himself off. jungkook sticks his tongue out, feeling satisfied when tae sticks his middle finger up and rolls his eyes.

"since when have you played the drums, brat." tae ignores jungkooks self satisfied grin.

"for about two years now, dumbass." jungkook startles slightly from the uproar his words caused amongst the others.

"youve known a drummer for two years and didnt tell us, we couldve been a full band from the beginning!" yells the dude in the leather jacket, with a higher voice than jungkook was expecting.

"i didnt know he played the drums!" taehyung yells back, putting his arms up in defense of the other raising his hand to hit him.

jungkook frowns. "yeah you did, you were there when i got them for christmas."

taehyung groans at the realisation, "that was a rock band set, brat!" he throws up his hands in frustration,"how was i supposed to know youd get a real set and actually, like, play!"

"i tried telling you about it the next time i saw you, asshole," jungkook crossed his arms, "you told me to leave you alone because i was annoying."

there was a lot of yelling and a lot of arms smacking taehyung. jungkooks not sure how it happened but tae ended up at the bottom of a pile of bodies, hitting the floor with his fist yelling, "i tap out! uncle! uncle! get off of me, you fucking idiots!" while the others ignored him, seeming perfectly content with crushing taehyung.

namjoon crawled out of the pile of limbs and walked up to jungkook, picking up a pair of sunglasses that had fallen off in the chaos. "so, uuuh, what do you think about joining our band?"

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[elixirity]

december 0520

so this was an idea on my mind for quite some time already. since this year was super unexpected and like seriously not the best, i wanted to do something to at least remember the last few parts of it by. the idea was something like - every day/ night of december, i type out one or more things i am thankful for in my life. and i kinda missed the first 5 days of it cos im so heckin tired every night although i literally sleep 12hours every single day. ok anyways j took a short break to wear my retainers isit j me or is evryone scared of their teeth shifting back to their original position after braces - i am already so unsatisfied with the ugliness of my teeth even after braces but cant do anyth abt that rn can i. 

anyways. yea that was my idea super wholesome and stuff but since my stupid distracted ass cant stick to a single idea im j gon make it like a brain dump of the last *30* now 25 days of december cos i dont think i wanna forget this year. also mahims i know i talked to u regarding writing a diary and i think is as close as it gets lmao thanks for the idea n encouragemnt tho. 

this year was so. interesting. honestly its the most apt usage of that word i’ve ever had in my entire life of 17 years. start of this yr, i can remember being literally 

so 

bored 

legit 

bored 

like i had seriously NOTHING to do and i was like the definition of stoner

i j read like fanfictions and watched utube 24/7 and then i was so fkin excited for sch to start like omg i am going to meet so many new ppl and make so many friends i know me and meenu had this whole idea of like becoming loners and j fully mugging our way out of jc and i was actually serious about that idea cos like yaknow what else is important apart mugging amirite and it seemed so ideal like the campus is hecking huge anyways whos gon find out if i j fucked off and like started mugging at some randomass corner and honestly those who didnt know i existed didnt need to know i did. or smt lidat that was my thought process but as wbk i cant survive without ppl THAT IS ONE THING I REALISED ABOUT MYSELF THIS YEAR NOTE yes i literally need some person like 

existing 

alongside me. leme try to explain it doesnt really make sense. like i keep asking ppl wyd or i check if theyre online and stuff cos i need to know if there is anyone who is currently present in my life and im not suddenly like alone and shit idk ew i sound cringe but that kinda sums it up. like i know i think of going off the grid to mug and start tryna fking pass school but i dont think i ever can. i will keep trying cos maybe i will be successful one day. dont know if thats for the better or for the worse but i do know one day i will have to learn to be by myself and not be needing to know of people’s existence to be grounded. yea but start of the year went by like this. and then it was sKOOL orientation days were soo cool i knew nobody i mean i had vishnu and harshnee in my og and literaly every other person from rg was walking around but all of us were so. new. like u get wadaimean yea it was cool but Hecking Sad i mean really sad i know i say i hate all the cringey running around and like introductory shit that goes on in orientation camps and all but there is always this new fascination like you can never know if u will find your next bestie in that grp or anywhere. ya but i was super sad that orientation got cancelled and it was even worse cos my o was pretty dead in the sense that i could sense that the jockish ppl wanted to go out and stuff but no one really initiated anything so we just. didnt. and we dont even talk to each other anymore lmfao but is alrt they were nice ppl n im thankful to meet them. 

then it was clas time omg my class was sooo quiet at the start of the year. ok one thing i still rmbr i was so shocked about was the number of indians in my class. i mean i still am but . literaly when has one ever had a indian person as the person on the register before you AND after you?!??!?!?!?!? yes and i was like o wow this is 

interesting 

and it was honestly my class ppl are angels and i cant be more thankful for all of them and god i mean this legit like i love yall guys 

i mainly hung out with like shwetha and vishnu at the start of the yr cos we knew each other so that was cool for a bit then i hung out with gopesh alot cos he was p cool and nice and he had weird but nice humour now that im writing this i kinda miss talking to him but it eez wat it eez. people are like passing clouds in your life. and you honestly never see them pass by you but they do and you cant do much to stop them or anything they just do. you can only reminisce after they left or j faded away.  then i went home with the sengang karthik varshini gopesh and htey were all such cool people sri is so fking cute aaa i wana squish and protec but anws karthik is an interestin fella too he has such cool views on shit and like such a level headed mindset i aSPIREE 

this has extended way past my bedtime i just realised i shall continue tmr. adios!  

[solarsleepless]

Hello! How r you? I hope you're doing ok. Also: please give me your Puffychu hc i don't care if au or not because we need more Puffychu and you are just the perfect person for that. The angstyer the better xD

I'm doing good!

oh boy oh boy niki hc...

ANGST

puffy's vision blacked out for a second out of pure FEAR and RAGE when the eggpire threatened niki

puffy's horns remind niki of jschlatt. this has resulted in more than one incident of niki attacking puffy, puffy trying to file down her horns and niki flinching away from puffy.

oh also correlating with the one above, puffy's first thought when she saw niki flinch away for the first time was that niki had had an abusive ex. angst ensues

puffy is TERRIBLE at baking and niki gets ptsd from smoke since l'manberg so the first time puffy burnt something accidentally, niki had a full-on panic attack

in a soulmate au where they feel eachothers pain, puffy would get these huge aches of hunger, followed by a sharp pain everywhere before it disappeared. she wasnt sure that niki was her soulmate but didnt rule it out, and her theories were basically confirmed when niki looked much thinner at the banquet than she had been pre-doomsday

FLUFF

as mentioned above, puffy is terrible at baking, but over times she becomes just below mediocre. niki boasts abt it to everyone she meets

puffy always exaggerates with everything ever so once when niki struck her with flour, she made this big deal abt betrayal

both of them were gonna play an original concert together after new l'manberg festival (ig thats kinda angsty but whatever)

puffy gets ticklish around the armpits and under-knee area so those are niki's go-to spots

niki is ticklish EVERYWHERE but specifically her neck and puffy abuses the fuck out of that

puffy doesnt really get REALLY flustered easily, but niki knows she just has to kiss puffy's neck and whisper in her ear and puffy melts, which niki, again, abuses the fuck out of

niki is buff, i will die on this hill

puffy was kinda skeptical that niki was buff. like last she had seen niki she was kinda buff from baking but not really BUFF yaknow? well she was surprised when puffy came to help ranboo move into michael's mansion, and she was completely flustered when she saw niki lift heavy objects and was reduced to a flushing, stumbling, stuttering mess when talking to niki trying desperately not to think gay thoughts

also on the niki buff hc, puffy sometimes asks for niki to pick puffy up bc... stromk woman... stromk gf...

and of course has a gay panic every day

niki was the one to propose i will die on this hill

they did have one moment when they tried on each others clothes with niki loving the rainbow hoodie but hating the suffocating feeling of the captain's outfit

and puffy loving most of nikis clothes but hating the Coat (you know which one im talking abt)

they have pet names but specific ones: "angel, sheepy-head (based off sleepy-head), grumbler" and then a lot of generic ones like "babe, sweetheart, my love, hottie" etc

uh yeah thats all i got for now