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estellamiraiauthor · 2 years ago

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The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 29)

Welcome back to Chapter 29, where the nicest thing I can say about Rei’s shitty attempts to (not really) take care of himself is “at least he doesn’t live in a sewer and sleep in a literal coffin”!

…seriously, I created this disaster boy and even I’m frustrated with him here. Arrrgh!

As always, spoilers (including spoilers for chapters beyond this one) under the cut!

We open this chapter with what will be the final screw in the coffin of Bara’s revenge, mwa ha ha! when Teru’s band shows up to an event to promote their album to find a line reaching around the block and a poster (designed by Rei) much larger than the one for the omnibus CD Bara’s band was selected for. This will be the last passing mention of that CD OR Bara’s band in the book, by the way. They’re just not a threat anymore. 😁

The event itself features a bunch of stupid questions that used to honestly drive me crazy back in the day. Who cares what the band’s favorite clothing brands are? I want to know about the underlying angst beneath their lyrics, dammit! LOL But there is one person who has apparently gotten wind that SOMETHING is up regarding the bands future… good for her for asking the hard-hitting questions?

And then we move on to December 23, the former Emperor’s birthday. *sigh* I miss the former Emperor, not only because he was a peace-loving, grandfatherly figure, but because his birthday was on December 23, which was a much more conveniently placed national holiday than the current Emperor’s birthday.

As mentioned in the book, when neither December 24 or 25 fell on a weekend, a lot of people would celebrate a Japanese-style (I.e. couple-centric) Christmas on the 23rd. In 2000, the 23rd was a Saturday and the 24th a Sunday… so fairly easy for people to celebrate. That also makes the 23rd a great date for an in-store event to celebrate the launch of Teru’s album!

This was completely coincidental, by the way… I’d already decided that Teru was going to take Rei out of town for Christmas Eve, so I Googled the relevant calendar and… boom. Hello, plot point!

So, it’s vaguely mentioned in passing that Rei is also getting ready to go out as Teru is preparing for the event. This isn’t SUPER unusual; Rei does go out, maybe not quite as often since he’s been working on the album having a lot of bad pain days recently, but the album is finished, and if anything Teru would be happy that he’s feeling good enough to have plans of his own.

As always, anything that’s not explicitly on the page is not canon, and each reader is free to fill in the blanks on their own, but I think he’s going out here to buy or to pick up the pendant he’s eventually going to give to Teru on New Year’s Eve. He doesn’t intend it to be a goodbye present at this point—maybe just a Christmas present or a “good luck with the record deal, I support you” present… but of course that all changes, and what happens here is definitely what pushes Rei over the edge.

A couple of reviewers complained about the way Rei didn’t take very good care of himself, but honestly I don’t really know what they expected from a Phantom retelling. At least he doesn’t live in a sewer and sleep in a literal coffin? IDK. But I did try to show that not taking care of yourself has consequences. I don’t think it’s anything super dramatic that happens to him here: he’s just pushing himself too hard, not using the right mobility aids in the right way, and he falls badly on the ankle that’s not in great shape to begin with. Someone gets concerned and calls an ambulance, and I imagine Rei protests but he literally can’t get up so… he ends up in the hospital and they call Chizuru to come and get him.

I don’t think it’s particularly significant that Chizuru is still listed as his emergency contact instead of Teru… probably just not something you think to update without a specific reason. As to why Chizuru isn’t available… well, it’s the Emperor’s birthday/Christmas Eve weekend, she says she’s not in Tokyo, and Teru hears a man’s voice with her on the other end of the line… I think she finally IS moving on (which honestly makes it pretty shitty what Rei sort of indirectly does to her too… she’s totally going to feel guilty and go back to taking care of him full time, but I also think her partner is understanding and she eventually gets a happy ending, too.)

So she calls Teru, and Teru thinks he can take care of it before his event, but he has trouble finding the hospital and then it takes longer than he expects and he ends up being late.

I’ve written before about my loathing and fear of hospitals, particularly Japanese hospitals… things have gotten much better as younger generations of doctors and nurses have come in, and as younger generations of patients have started to demand more in the way of things like informed consent, second opinions, and mental health considerations, but ESPECIALLY at the time, being hospitalized felt like being in prison… and for Rei, of course, hospitals are also going to be associated with a lot of trauma.

So, the asshole doctor here is probably the single worst human being in the book. There are definitely a few things that could be considered microaggressions or unconscious bias… no one considering the possibility that Teru might be queer, Kiyomi and Seika being awkward around Rei, Teru thinking it weird that Seika chooses to live in Koreatown. But none of those are **consciously** discriminatory… this doctor most definitely is. He doesn’t speak directly to Rei—i.e. the actual patient—the entire time, assumes Teru is a “caregiver” and even when he says he’s not keeps talking to him like he is, etc. etc. Needless to say, he was based on many, many shitty doctors I’ve seen here, and was actually pretty cathartic to write.

Don’t actually put too much weight on this guy’s medical advice, by the way. I did as much research as I could, but it was all internet-based. Unlike with the music stuff, I didn’t have any firsthand sources to ask about medical details. Also, he’s a jerk.

So, once Teru sees that Rei is not badly injured, some of his concern sort of turns to annoyance. The person he loves is hurt, and Teru himself is late for the album launch event, and all of this was PERFECTLY PREVENTABLE… or maybe not. But if Rei had been using a crutch and wearing an ankle brace and had STILL gotten hurt, I think Teru would’ve been a little more sympathetic.

Now, I do understand what Rei was thinking. He was having a good day, and there haven’t been many of those lately. He’s worried that he IS going to need more help and more support as time goes by (which, he is… I mean, that’s partly just aging and partly what happens when some parts of your body have to overcompensate for others, but it’s understandable that he struggles to accept that). And so when a day comes when he feels like he’s gotten a little bit “better” again, he wants to go back to the way things were “before”… but of course he wasn’t really taking the right measures to keep himself safe in the first place, so that kind of backfires.

And this is when I think Rei decides that he has to leave Teru… because what he’s feared has now actually happened. His disability has DIRECTLY hurt Teru’s career. Of course, that’s not really true. It wasn’t (only) his disability, but his failure to take care of himself that led to the fall. Rei doesn’t really see that, though… that yes, he did cause Teru to be late for his event, but it was his STUBBORNNESS that caused it more than anything else.

So after the event, Teru comes home and decides to spoil the surprise of his little romantic getaway a day early, because he doesn’t know whether Rei will want to go, or be able to go. He offers to take the wheelchair that’s been in Rei’s bedroom forever but Teru has never seen used… and that would probably be a really smart choice at this point (aside from Teru’s passing concern that he wasn’t expecting this and hasn’t booked accessible train tickets or hotel room, but accommodations could probably be made) but of course Rei refuses… sigh. Even though I wrote this, it’s kind of frustrating to see him blatantly refuse to learn, even when the universe pretty much slapped him in the face with a lesson a few hours earlier.

He does want to go, though… maybe he’s not 100% sure yet, but definitely starting to think that this will be their first and last trip together. 😭

#the stars may rise and fall #annotated #phantom retelling #writing process #OCs can be frustrating #Disaster boys

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chorusfm · 5 months ago

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Bright Eyes Announce New Album

Bright Eyes will release Five Dice, All Threes on September 20th. Today they’ve shared the new song “Bells and Whistles.” Bright Eyes have announced their new album, Five Dice, All Threes, for release on September 20th via Dead Oceans. Comprised of Conor Oberst, Mike Mogis, and Nate Walcott, the beloved band’s 10th studio album features guest performances from long time friends Cat Power, The National’s Matt Berninger and The So So Glos’ Alex Orange Drink. Alongside today’s album news comes the release of the first track, “Bells and Whistles,” and a slew of tour dates for the United States and Europe, including headline slots at Riot Fest and BFF Festival. All shows listed below. “Bells and Whistles” is a rollicking, anthemic bop that gallavants from NY to LA, its lacerating lyrics referencing Banksy, Princess Diana, the Mets, Silverlake stalwart bar Edendale, music biz pitfalls, and Kevin Costner’s greatest film. The lighthearted video, directed by Josh Boone, was filmed in Omaha, Nebraska and features a magical photobooth, a bar fight, and a performance. Of the track, Conor Oberst says, “This is a song about the many little details in life that can seem insignificant or frivolous or temporary at the time but eventually end up forming your destiny. And it's also kind of a whistle while you work scenario.” Self-produced, and recorded at Mike and Conor’s studio, ARC, in Omaha, Nebraska, Five Dice, All Threes is a record of uncommon intensity and tenderness, communal exorcism and personal excavation. These are, of course, qualities that fans have come to expect from Bright Eyes, nearly three decades into their career. The tight-knit band of Conor, Mike and Nate tends to operate in distinct sweeping movements: each unique in its sound and story but unified by a sense of ambition and ever-growing emotional stakes. Even with this rich history behind them, these new songs exude a visceral thrill like nothing they have attempted before. Conor has always sung in a voice that conveys a sense of life-or-death gravity. At times throughout Five Dice, All Threes, you may feel worried for him; other times, he may seem like the only one with the clarity to get us out of this mess. As is usual with Bright Eyes’ work, the music comes loaded with subtext that invites deep listening—the signature touch of a band who has always honored the album as its own exalted work of art. With the new songs the trio embrace the elusive quality that has made them so enduring and influential across generations and genres, bringing their homespun sound from an Omaha bedroom to devoted audiences around the world. In Conor’s songwriting lies a promise that our loneliest thoughts and feelings can take on grander shapes when passed between friends, blasted through speakers, or shouted among crowds. Five Dice, All Threes is as confessional and unguarded as Conor has sounded in years. Throughout these timelessly constructed yet unabashedly modern songs, he earns his place among a rare class of songwriters who have grown more fearless and boundless with age. In the game of threes, the titular move would indicate a perfect roll. Perfection, however, means something different in the world of Bright Eyes, where our flaws are what grants us authority and finding meaning is only possible if we bear witness to the dark, winding journey to get there. On Five Dice, All Threes, Bright Eyes embrace these beliefs with music that feels thrillingly alive, as if we were all in the room with them, shouting along and gaining the strength to move forward together. It doesn’t just sound like classic Bright Eyes. It sounds like their future, too. Track Listing * Five Dice * Bells and Whistles * El Capitan * Bas Jan Ader * Tiny Suicides * All Threes * Rainbow Overpass * Hate * Real Feel 105° * Spun Out * Trains Still Run On Time * The Time I Have Left * Tin Soldier Boy --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/bright-eyes-announce-new-album/

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tinybriewrites · 3 years ago

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Like A Drama - 2

Climbing into the attic, Marinette could see her brother Lewis working on his latest invention.

"We need to talk."

"Can it wait? I just need to fix the last bits of wiring," he said without turning around.

"It's serious," her voice cracked, catching her twin's attention. Looking at his upset sister, he gave her a gesture to start talking.

"I think we're adopted," she said with her face in her hands.

"That's ridiculous. Maman kept a pregnancy diary. You've even seen all the photos in the album," he said.

"I know, I know, but I just can't shake this feeling off."

"You saw something," he deduced. "When you got hit by the akuma."

"I saw a woman leaving twin babies in front of the bakery."

"That could just be another soap opera plot. Heck, a guy claiming to be my future son came to me with a time machine during the fight."

"That's what I thought too, but then I saw him. He was a boy who looked exactly like you, except with my hair. It was uncanny."

"That could still be a coincidence," he argued.

"I can feel it," she whispered. Lewis took a deep breath at the implications. Ladybug instincts were rarely wrong.

"Okay, alright, um," he said. "Here's the plan. We'll confront maman and papa after dinner."

"Forever together."

---

Sabine turned pale the moment the twins brought up what Marinette saw. Tom immediately pulled her into his arms.

"We never meant for you to find out this way. We were going to tell you when you were a little older," the man admitted.

Lewis winced. Marinette gasped. They were adopted. It slowly sunk in for the two. Their birth mother had abandoned them on the steps of a random Parisian bakery.

Tom pulled the two teens into the hug, as well. "This changes nothing," he whispered. "You are our petites étoiles. No matter whether you're related to us by blood or not."

"But what about the pregnancy pictures? And the ultrasounds?" Lewis questioned, a weak attempt at denying the truth in front of him.

"I had a miscarriage," Sabine said, eyes closed. "The night after we returned from the hospital, we found you two. It was fate. I'll forever be grateful for that one summer night. You twins brought light into my life when it was darkest. My little lucky stars, don't you forget it. We love you so, so, so much," the small woman said, silent tears streaming down her face.

The family of four spent the rest of the night talking openly about everything that had happened sixteen years ago. There were tears, and there were laughs, but this was undoubtedly the clear, unblemished truth. Marinette and Lewis Dupain-Cheng were loved.

---

On the outside, nothing had changed for the twins. They were both still absorbed in their respective hobbies: Marinette with her designs and Lewis with his inventions. Secretly, however, the two burned with determination to crack Hawkmoth's identity. The only clue they had to their birth father was Batman. Of all people, it had to be Batman. That made things complicated. Ladybug had met him at a meeting with the Justice League International two years into the Hawkmoth situation. He was respectful of her and Chat Noir's abilities, considering their positions as untrained teenage heroes. Although, from what Tikki and Plagg had said, Wonder Woman and Aquaman may have played a bigger role in that. She hadn't seen him since she requested all associated heroes to stay away from Paris while Hawkmoth was active.

Marinette couldn't leave Paris. The city needed their Ladybug. If their father was in any way related to the big old bat, then he was probably nowhere near France, and Marinette couldn't take any chances. So, the twins had to end Hawkmoth once and for all before they could even begin the search.

Lewis spent hours creating different prototypes of miniature trackers for Ladybug to place on the purified akuma. Each time, the signal magically disappeared without a trace. Tikki told the twins that it was likely Nooroo's instinctive protection at work.

"Fusing miraculous magic with the tracker might be helpful, but you'll need really high precision for that. It would be dangerous to attempt otherwise," the small goddess had said to the two.

Marinette became more devoted than ever to honing her creation magic. She wasn't slacking before, by any standards, but now she was driven with purpose. And, that made a load of difference when it came to magic - willpower. Her skills with the magic skyrocketed, both in and out of the suit. Akuma attacks, in turn, became more manageable for the Parisian heroes. Hawkmoth was improving, but Ladybug's speed left him in the dust.

Two years passed before Tikki had told them that Marinette was ready. The two were one step closer to unmasking Hawkmoth and freeing all of Paris. They were closer to the starting line of their search for their father. Their efforts were finally bearing fruit.

But just like some sort of cosmic joke, Hawkmoth chose that very day to suddenly go radio silent for three weeks. No akuma attacks, no public disturbances, nothing. Paris was the most peaceful it had been in half a decade. Newspapers questioned whether Hawkmoth had finally left. Everyone was celebrating, everyone but the twins.

As each day passed, they hoped more and more than an akuma would show up. They, along with Chat Noir, knew better than anyone that Hawkmoth wouldn't have left Paris alone. No, he was planning something. Something big.

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@maribat-bdbwm

#tinybriewrites #maribat #timari #timinette #fluff #crack #bio!dad bruce wayne #mlb x dc #mlb x batman

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maybeweshould · 3 years ago

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Possible scenarios for a new narrative.

I will start with the fact that it all depends on many factors that are not known to us. I wrote about what is happening right now here and here and a little bit here. But what may happen and how the narrative will be received is not known yet. Press and media for now are creating drama- H is giving content (as he should), but laying low- don't expect clear statements or anything like that. They're using situation for obvious reasons- also as they should. Controlling the narrative and putting the focus on him is smart move with recent pics- he's alone to steal attention, not to distance himself from Olivia (yet).

Harry's team has allowed her to control the narrative for too long already, thought she would just hang herself with whatever she put out. However, in this case that’s not going to happen- the drama actually will push his team to do what they need to do, because it directly raises the issue of Harry's image on a large scale- the whole GP is looking at OJ and H at this point.

But what will happen it really depends on:

1. their plans for the future as a couple (real or not),

2. H's image,

3. if custody case will be dirty or not,

4. GP's reaction.

Of course the fact that something is said in the press, that is not always true. The narrative must fit what they want to achieve. I also said that when it comes to a possible breakup, it must be a moment that will suit both of them and both of them will benefit from it somehow.

The release of the album and the tour were supposed to be the dates that would eventually change the narrative. Well, the spectacle of delivering court documents will surely speed things up and and even some things will have to be sooner or later clarified. So let's check the facts and situation for HO:

as far as we know it is May 20 - album release. events possibly around that date include a new single, listening party, probably promoting concerts like One Night Only (we already know the dates and locations), interviews, TV programs, and more festival-type performances and regular tour (rehearsals)

As for Olivia, I only know that Ted Lasso soon will be over, which means Jason and the kids will be in New York.

The case is- finally at some point- we will have schedule, lifestyle and location conflict- which will change the narrative. O will not move to London in my opinion- she can't, because then she won’t see the kids (considering custody thing- it's important), and surely Jason won’t let her drag them back and forth. H will not move to New York for sure. Possible option is LA. Rumor has it that he does not want it. Besides, he will practically not be present at all, because of a tour. (It's a light in a tunnel)

So while they're creating a drama- they are also checking people's reactions. If GP will be on Olivia's side- H will be a 'supportive boyfriend'. BUT let's say the GP will not like her, and think H is homewrecker, then Harrys image TPWK/golden boy/ success narrative is tarnished and they H team will react. An attempt to save that was Olivias team putting out 'oh he’s so supportive'. Because she really backed him up into a corner. Smart. However H's team is going to lay low until the album comes out, and just focus on that being the priority. But that after the album is out? H will need to sit with his team and make some decisions. Because they either:

1. Can’t keep ignoring the relationship- 'supportive boyfriend' narrative, a little bit more openly. It might benefit him too to sell the authenticity since he discussed in that bhg interview how he is trying to be better at his relationships

2. Have to end it, but slowly.

a) now if he does leave, she can still say the white-feminist “all men are against me” narrative. If he left her during the tour- she could play the victim (which she would gain in the process for custody), and he would get rid of the TPWK.

If they choose this scenario, it must happen later anyway. Not now and only after the album will be released.

OR:

b) they can end the relationship amicably by giving specific reasons such as: lack of time because the tour and he couldn't be enough supporter of hers and he is letting Olivie spent this 'hard' time with kids or she chooses the children's good and not a love.

Before I posted possible scenarios from a PR perspective, I consulted it with a person who has own PR company in Warsaw, and another person who works in LA said exactly what I did. But remember- these are just narrative scenarios. The narrative may change depending on the course of events. Media narrative is not real life and facts. The narrative is not the same as what happens behind the scenes.

#possible new narrative #PR analysis #harry styles #harry update #harry 1d #celebrities #pr #holivia #olivia wilde #harrys image #my post #my opinion

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heliads · 3 years ago

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How to Move On

Based on this request: “A ghost!Luke Patterson x alive!reader but she is older. Like in the 90s they were but then he died and she got older. An angst story please :)”

masterlist

When he was alive, Luke Patterson lived five houses down from one of the cutest girls he’d ever seen. It still surprises him that he has to tack on that first part to describe anything that happened in his life before, like if he shuts his eyes hard enough he’ll find himself back in the 90s, when he had a pulse and a heartbeat and people could see him if he walked out onto the street.

However, an unseen blade cuts a little too deep whenever he thinks about his current situation, so Luke allows himself to fall deeper into the memory instead of returning back to reality. She’d lived five houses down, right? Or was it four? Luke has hardly been brought back as a ghost for a few weeks before he’s started losing his grasp on the details that bound his life. They’re all slipping through his fingertips, gone now in recollection as well as his ability to return to them in person.

Yes, five houses down- he’s certain of it now. Whenever he wanted to sneak out of his house to go visit her, Luke had to climb out of his window and weave through two backyards before he could risk returning to the sidewalk for another three houses. Five houses down, that’s right. Luke curses himself mentally, not wanting to forget another detail. He’s already lost the girl, he doesn’t want to lose the few figments of her in his memory. A ghost of her for the ghost he already is.

If he managed to sneak out of his house and make it down five houses, as he so often did, Luke could then toss small pebbles at one moonlit window. It usually only took two or three of these interactions before the window would be hurriedly unlatched, a beaming face peering out at him. Luke would allow himself a second of staring, admiring the way the moonlight cast the girl in a bone-white halo, then haul himself up into the room.

From the second his feet touched down on the bedroom floor, Luke would be in safe territory. He still took precautions, of course, keeping his voice down and his movements quiet. However, Y/N L/N always seemed to have a secret oasis in the form of her room, and he was never once caught. They both made sure of it, and if he and Y/N worked together, they could achieve any goal so long as it was worth it.

Y/N L/N. She was the one he’d left behind, one of the aches that hurt the most. He’d been lucky enough to win her love, either through some complete misunderstanding or maybe the fact that he’d finally done something right in his life, but he had her nonetheless. Or, he’d had her until the day he’d died, leaving behind nothing in his wake but grieving parents and the girl he’d sworn to stay with for the rest of his life. Well, his promise had come true in one sense, although Luke can’t help but wish there was another way around it.

To be completely honest, even as Luke dreads forgetting any detail of his past girl, he might fear thinking about her even more. It’s not that he wants to lose the picture of her smile in his head, or the way she’d reach for him when she was cold, it’s just that to think of her in any sense is like a knife stabbing him through the ribs, reminding him that he’ll never get her back. If he tries to push her from his mind, he won’t remember the way she’ll never be with him again. Isn’t that better?

Luke already knows the answer: no, not at all. Even this one slip in his memory, the faltering knowledge of how far apart their houses were, sends a jolt of worry spiking through him. Luke wouldn’t consider himself forgetful, maybe just a little absentminded, but the fact that he’s already starting to forget his past life worries him. However, to keep Y/N’s picture cherished in his mind means reminding himself of everything that he’d lost, of finally confronting all the memories he’s been holding back for so long.

Eventually, Luke finds himself in the studio, searching through the boxes and crates of stuff that had eventually made its way into dusty corners and spiderwebbed cracks of the room. Julie’s mom had been kind enough to keep at least some of Sunset Curve’s possessions, and so Luke ransacks these sparse belongings now. At last, his hand emerges triumphant, carrying with it an old photo album. It’s thin, spine scarcely thicker than a small paperback, but for the way he looks at it its pages could be lined with gold.

Luke pauses a second, steeling himself before flipping open the front cover. Instantly, he’s hit with a wave of memories. These first few photos had been taken a year or so before he died, when he had first started dating Y/N and everything seemed like he was living a dream. There are Polaroids from their first few dates, snapshots of festivals and boardwalks and everything a couple of teenagers could afford when they were young and stupidly in love.

Luke studies these, then the next couple of pages, and then the next. He must have been more distracted than he’d first thought, because he doesn’t notice Julie Molina enter the studio until she’s practically standing on top of him. Julie clears his throat, and he startles, doing his best to quickly close the album. For some reason, it doesn’t feel quite right to so openly share his memories of Y/N to anyone within eyesight.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there. Are we practicing?” Luke asks. Julie laughs, her smile a tad incredulous. “Not yet, but I’m a little worried as to why you were so quick to hide that book. What, are you trying to keep secrets from me?” Her eyes assure him that this question is purely an excuse to tease him, but Luke can’t find it within himself to smile back. Instead, he sits back down on the floor of the studio, gesturing listlessly to the empty space next to him.

“Not entirely. It’s just- well, I found this old photo album, and it’s kind of hard to not regret leaving everything behind. The current day is good, don’t get me wrong, and I love the band, but-” Julie picks up on his train of thought even as Luke’s voice trails off. “It’s not what you’re used to, and you feel bad about everything you could have had. I get it. I’m surprised you’ve adjusted so well, to be honest. It can’t be easy to leave your entire life behind.”

Luke lets out a quiet sigh. “Exactly.” After a moment’s consideration, he picks up the photo album again, opening the cover and passing it to Julie. She accepts it, glancing at him one last time to make sure he’s alright with baring his soul to her. A soft smile traces its way onto her face as she sees the photos of him and Y/N, grins so bright they could practically light up the world. “Who is this?”

Her finger lingers over a photo Luke had taken of Y/N. She had been wearing a Sunset Curve shirt, one of their first attempts at a logo. They’d long since changed the design, but she had said something about how her boys were so official and taken the first draft t-shirt nonetheless. Y/N had worn it to many shows since then, until the design faded into nothingness and she’d been forced to get a new one. Luke’s voice softens. “That’s Y/N. She is- she was my girlfriend. Back in the 90s, at least.”

Luke hates the way he has to say that, like she’s died instead of him. She was his girlfriend, they had known each other, they are each utterly different now and there is no getting back what they’d once had. Julie glances over at him, sympathy radiating from her gaze, but then she turns back to the photo, frowning over it in something that almost looks like recognition. “Wait, you said her name was Y/N? Like Y/N L/N?”

Luke sits bolt upright, melancholy thoughts completely forgotten. “Yes! How did you know that? Do you know her?” Julie’s excitement starts to bleed away from her, as if she knows something that ruins the dream she had been so thrilled to share. “Well, yes, but she’s not Y/N L/N anymore. She has a different last name now.” Luke picks up on what Julie is unwilling to say, and his stomach sinks a little. She has a different last name because she’s married, because she’s moved on.

Even as he thinks this, Luke feels annoyed at himself. Of course she’s moved on- he died 25 years ago. There’s no reason she would never love again, and even if she did, Luke would never want that for her. She was so bright, so happy, that the thought of herself locked away in mournful grief like his parents seems so utterly wrong that if that happened she might as well have died with him. Still, Luke doesn’t like thinking that there’s someone else out there receiving her smiles, hearing her hopes and dreams late at night the way he had once listened to her.

Luke must have gone silent for too long, because Julie is looking over at him again, pity written in every line of her face. She thinks for a second longer, then stands up, holding out her hand to him. “She still lives near here, actually. A few streets down. Do you want to go see her?” Luke stares at her, then rushes to his feet. “You mean it? You know where she is?” Julie nods. “Only if you’re willing to see her.” She’s right to worry- seeing Y/N again will mean finally coming to terms with everything Luke had left behind when he’d died, a final piece of proof that Y/N will never be his again. Still, if he hides away from her again, Luke will spend the rest of his ghosthood wondering what she might have been like and who she may have become. So, he nods, and allows Julie to lead him from the studio and down the blocks to Y/N’s house.

Even without Julie’s directions, Luke would know their destination even before she points out Y/N’s front door. He sees her in every corner of the building, every flower and tree planted in the yard. She’d always wanted a brightly painted front door, tall trees in the backyard so she could have a little shade on the summer days. They’d once planned what their future houses would look like, always choosing one for the two of them. If Luke sees traces of his ideas in her house now, does that mean Y/N still thinks of him? Or that she’s already forgotten that it was his voice suggesting those changes and not her own, that he’s already faded into the last few corners of her memory?

His feet stall in the driveway, but at an encouraging look from Julie, Luke forces himself to walk up the final few feet to stop in front of the front door. He reaches forward and rings the doorbell himself, although he can do no more once the door swings open. This will be Julie’s part- Luke can do no more than watch the woman in front of him with wide eyes.

She still looks like her. Is that a strange thing to say? She’s taller now, her face more lined and weary as if she’s had a lifetime of problems to deal with ever since Luke left her days. It makes sense that she looks older- the last time Luke saw her was 25 years ago, so she’s probably in her forties now. Still, there are traces of the girl he’d known in every movement, every step. When she looks questioningly at Julie, Luke can see the way she’d looked at him to ask when and where Sunset Curve would be performing so she could make sure to arrive on time. The gesture is so truthfully her that it practically hurts to see.

Julie’s eyes dart to Luke, as if trying to gauge his reaction, then she focuses her gaze firmly on Y/N. “I, uh, was cleaning out my mom’s old studio. I found something from the band who used to practice there- they went by the name of Sunset Curve? Your name was on one of the photos.” It’s a duplicate photo strip from a photo booth on a long-since demolished boardwalk, an excuse for the visit. Still, it’s enough to make Y/N’s eyes widen, and she looks at Julie as if she’s punched a hole right through her chest.

She gestures for Julie to follow her inside. Luke drifts in after them, staring at the photos lining the walls, the backpacks flung in a corner of the room. So she has children, a family. How long had it taken her to move on from him? She smiles in every family portrait he sees, but did she ever think about the boy she’d left behind? Would it matter that much to him if she did?

Julie hands Y/N the photo strip now, and tears glisten in the woman’s eyes as she looks at herself and Luke, decades younger and what feels like centuries happier. Julie, thank everything, is unwilling to let Y/N leave without asking her about the boy she’d left behind. “Did you know him well? The boy in the photos?” Y/N glances up sharply at Julie, startling as if she’d forgotten there was a girl in front of her, too drowned in the memories of the past to remember reality. It’s a familiar feeling to Luke, and it stings to see it on this older Y/N too.

“Yes, I did. Very well, in fact. I loved him with all of my heart until he died along with his bandmates.” She laughs quietly, the sound broken through with utter misery. It twists Luke’s heart like a blade. “I almost didn’t make it through the funeral. I was sitting next to his parents, and we were sobbing like we’d never smile again. He was everything to me, and I had no idea what to do when he was gone. I wish you could have met him- he was always so quick to a smile or a laugh. I never told him how much I liked his smile. I wish I had.”

Luke stumbles as if he’s been punched. Tears are pricking at his eyes, and he swipes at them angrily with his shirt sleeve. Why should he have to cry now, mourn everything he’d lost? Hasn’t he been through enough? Y/N swallows harshly. “It’s easy to get lost in the past. I graduated high school without him, went to college without him. I didn’t think I’d ever have to live a day without him, and suddenly I had an entire future completely empty of anyone like him. There are days when I almost think I see him in a crowd, and days when it gets easier. In the end, I think he’d want me to move forward, even as hard as that may be.”

Julie glances over at Luke once more, scarcely a second away from tears herself. “Yeah, I think he’d want you to be happy. That above all else.” Y/N sighs, the sound cutting through Luke and almost sending him to the floor. “Thank you for the photos, Julie. You take care of yourself.” Julie smiles. “I will. Thank you too.” Luke, sensing the imminent goodbye, takes one last furtive glance around the house. What if he had been there, present in every family photo and every line in her journals? He wishes nothing more than to have that option, to be able to go back, but he can’t.

So, he allows himself to follow Julie back out into the sunshine of the afternoon, and when the door closes softly behind him, he doesn’t look back. Julie is silent on the walk back, as is he. Luke heads for the studio, and he stops before the photo album before glancing up at the walls around him. If he tries hard enough, Luke thinks he can see her in every corner of the studio. There she is on the couch, laughing as she pretends to smack him with a pillow. There she is next to him on the piano, listening to his latest song. There are hundreds of her in the studio, hundreds of memories. That’s all he has left of her. Just memories and nothing more.

Julie returns to find him later, and it doesn’t take long for her eyes to cut across the room, landing on the photo newly pinned to the wall. There are two figures in it, a boy and a girl grinning madly as they reach for each other in a dusky night. Both of them are long gone now, dead and aged even as their photo-selves smile on. If Luke looks back at the photo now, keeping that image burned into his mind, he never speaks of it again.

requested by @charliegillespiewife

jatp tag list: someone who i would not leave behind if i died in the 90s @underc0vercryptid

#luke patterson #luke patterson imagines #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson oneshot #jatp #jatp imagines #jatp oneshot #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagines #julie and the phantoms oneshot #jatp luke #jatp luke imagines #jatp luke x reader #jatp luke oneshot #julie and the phantoms luke #julie and the phantoms luke imagines #julie and the phantoms luke x reader #julie and the phantoms luke oneshot

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alltheselights · 3 years ago

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Hey so I am a solo louie, I follow you despite you being a larrie because I think you are super level headed and quite frankly I love that you separate how you feel about their relationship and their career your damn good writer too. I became a fan last year and I am well aware that for the most part larries don’t believe that child is his. Apart of me thinks that is just crazy but another knows that the entertainment industry is also batshit crazy so anything can happen. What I don’t understand is the point of it , nobody really cares and there is no way he would come out of this without without ruining his life and like I just don’t see how the whole thing makes any sense. None of it makes any logical sense like how do they plan all of this to end and why ?

VERY long response under the read more!

I think the key thing you’re forgetting is that when this started, people DID care. This didn’t start in 2017 or 2020 - Louis’ heavy closeting with Eleanor started all the way back in 2011 (a much different time then now) and babygate started in 2015. Louis was in the biggest band in the world and there were continual widespread rumors about him and his bandmate being together - his bandmate who was set up as the heartthrob frontman from the beginning of the band and I think starting in 2014 (or whenever Jeff first entered the picture) was looking toward an eventual future solo career, which is exactly what Sony wanted.

I think part of it was just to shut down the rumors with Harry, who again, I think Sony has always viewed as their money machine, and also just because just as many boybands before them, One Direction was marketed to girls as objects of their lust - boys the fans could fantasize about dating. I don’t believe any of the boys who may have identified as LGBTQ+ would have been permitted to come out while in the band because of this marketing strategy, but especially not Louis, who many stereotyped as gay from day one of the band and who many shipped specifically with the most popular of the heartthrob members.

I think the other big part of it is just punishment for Louis and always has been. Not only did he threaten their bottom line by not fitting into the cookie cutter One Direction straight boy mold that Sony clearly wanted and expected from all the boys, but he also fought for One Direction to become more than Sony/Syco wanted them to be. They expected the band to make them a lot of money with bubble gum pop songs for a few years and then burn out quickly when they’d overworked them too much and when all the girls turned toward a new shiny boyband or artist on the horizon, but what they didn’t account for was the fact that rather than falling in line, Louis and the others would fight to write more on the albums and Louis specifically would fight for them to mature their sound. And Louis was very successful in that because even though One Direction was not at their peak popularity with some of their later, more mature, and more well-written albums, they developed a fanbase with that music that would’ve stuck around long-term, not just for their personalities and pretty faces but for the actual music, which I suspect would never have happened if they’d just continued on their generic path that Sony set them on.

Most solo Louies recognize the sabotage of his career with his lack of promo, the fact that he is never protected or defended in the media by his team, and how they push his personal life as a focal point for most promo rather than his talent and music. If you can recognize that, it’s probably not that hard to imagine that they could saddle him with a beard and a fake child to double down on his heterosexuality and then continue it out of spite, fully recognizing that they have tied his hands in terms of his public image because it’s been so long of this, media trained him out of showing his true personality and mannerisms for years, and alienated him from large portions of his fanbase - because Larries are NOT the only group of his fans that suspect he is not straight - I know tons of solo Louies do as well.

The question of why it’s continuing today is a great one and I wish I had the answer and could see what’s happening behind the scenes. If Louis had finally gotten rid of Sony and Syco last year and immediately his solo career started improving, suggesting that his team was finally working for him and doing their jobs properly, and still the stunts continued, I think it would make sense to start to wonder whether Louis wanted that for himself. However, that’s not what happened at all. Louis still has the same management and PR, PR that has always been associated with Sony and Syco, by the way, and there have been no improvements to anything related to his career. I understand that there are limitations because he hasn’t toured or put out a new album yet, but I think you just have to see the lack of press, promo, and even basic respect and recognition around his massive record-breaking livestream in December and his upcoming festival to see that things haven’t changed. LTHQ on Twitter continues to be as useless as ever, Louis’ social media is rarely used to promote his career, and there has been no attempt to build hype for the future music that Louis is working on aside from a single set of pap pictures outside of the studio. These are some of the most basic things that a normal team would be working on, particularly considering how massive Louis’ platform is and how excited his fans have been even throughout the pandemic.

Louis watches what his fans say about everything on Twitter, and when he’s able to, he changes things with a snap of his fingers to ensure that his fans are happy. There’s no doubt in my mind that Louis has watched fans continue to complain about his team over the last year, yet nothing ever changes or improves, and he occasionally makes subtle nods to the fact that his support and successes are thanks to the fans only - never his team. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when he releases new music, but at least as of now, I think it’s evident that Louis is still not being positioned for success in his career with the team that he’s with, even after leaving Syco/Sony.

Without knowing what contracts Louis has signed over the years and how long they are binding, it’s impossible for fans to know how free he is officially, so all we can do is go off of what we see. And what I see right now is that nothing has changed with his career, and so while it seems absurd, it doesn’t actually shock me that much that other elements haven’t changed either. I also think it’s going to be very difficult for them to end babygate in particular at this point, which is probably something at the forefront of their minds.

So I can’t answer for why it hasn’t ended or when and how it will, but I can tell you that as long as his career is not prioritized by anyone around him, I find it very hard to believe that he is 100% free to make his own choices. Even if commercial success is not Louis’ number one priority, we’ve seen so many times how much it means to Louis when he does well on the charts. I do sometimes worry that Louis has given up and resigned himself to this fate because of how long he’s been sabotaged - I’ve worried about this particularly in the last year or so - but I still don’t believe this is all his choice. You can’t convince me that this person who was so clever with how to mature the band in One Direction, this person who has so much interest in the back end of the music industry, this person who has fought tooth and nail for a solo career that nobody thought he could pull off, this person who cares so deeply about what his fans think, is content with the team around him not bothering to do the basics of their job - to the constant widespread and loudly expressed frustration of his fanbase. And as a result, I suspect that babygate and Elounor are likely still around for the same reasons the rest hasn’t improved.

#i think this got incoherent toward the end #hopefully you get what i'm saying #asks

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defdaily · 4 years ago

Text

GQ Korea Magazine June 2021 issue featuring JAY B: in transition

To prove himself, JAY B is constantly changing. Because he has so much to show.

Translated by defdaily

Your greeting from the video earlier was new. You said “This is GOT7’s JAY B and H1GHR MUSIC’s JAY B.” After GOT7 parted ways with JYP Entertainment, you told fans that you were a freelancer and I guess you’ve found your spot.

Yes. It has not been announced officially yet but I’m H1GHR MUSIC’s JAY B. I told fans I was a freelancer as a joke. I like communicating with fans as if we’re friends. But I was looking for a company at that time too.

How did you make your decision?

Of course I thought about it a lot. I talked with various companies, but when considering the freedom and synergy, I felt like H1GHR MUSIC fit me well. That seemed like the best decision.

What kind of synergy and effect are you looking forward to?

I don’t think “I’m definitely hip-hop!” just because I joined a hip-hop label. I think that through the label I can show R&B, dance and pop genres too. I want to attempt different things without any boundaries.

What did you talk about with H1GHR MUSIC’s CEO Jay Park?

From my point of view, it’s a new challenge so I was a little anxious. But Jay Bum hyung’s thoughts were similar to mine and said I could do music comfortably and didn’t wish for any certain colour, because if you keep focusing on one thing, you’ll slowly be locked in it, and said it’s good to try out different things. That’s what he told me.

Will this period of time divide JAY B of the past and future?

Of course it will. If previously it was a situation where I mainly received benefits from the company, now that I have the autonomy, I feel that I should do things myself and I grew a deeper sense of responsibility in that way. I think there’s a need to be more proactive. And I plan on prudently moving forward one step at a time with an appropriate amount of nervousness. Because this is the process of starting from the beginning, I am very careful about every decision.

What factors influenced your decision the most?

Feeling/intuition. I have a feeling of whether I think I should do something or not.

It feels like you have a pretty good sense of the direction you want to move forward in.

I asked Jay Bum hyung why he recruited me and he said that skills were of course a factor but that I seemed like I would work hard consistently. It’s a given to be working hard on your own things but the most important thing is consistency. I've been doing that for a long time, and I'll continue to do what I've been doing.

Do you have any values that you’ve held on for a long time?

I’ve always thought that it’s important to never forget the things that I’ve done and have been doing. I debuted as GOT7. I cannot just suddenly say “I’m not an idol,” and I do not want to disappoint the fans. I’m very thankful. While promoting as part of GOT7, I never forgot the fact that I started as a b-boy at first and that I’m a person who likes hip-hop.

People’s expectations are high because of GOT7’s achievements. On one hand, there must be people viewing you thinking ‘let's see how well it could go.’

I am mindful of that. But it’s just GOT7 JB that was that big, JAY B as an individual isn’t that great. To be honest, sometimes I think that I’m nothing. If you ask people my age which idols they know, even if many people know about GOT7, they might not know me very well. It’s important to be acknowledged for my music but I feel like I have to get my name out there first. There is someone called GOT7’s JAY B, H1GHR MUSIC’s JAY B. I feel like this is just the beginning for me.

It sounds like you are at a point where you feel the need to prove yourself. Do you not worry that fans might not be accepting if you do what you like and want to do?

Rather than being worried, I see it as something that could happen. For example, I could use profanity or harsh expressions if I feel that they’re needed for better musical completion. I can’t help it if some fans who used to like me as an idol hear that and turn their backs. I also don’t want to give up or lose my own standards because of such reactions.

I see you're very determined to make creations of your own. I heard that you're going to release a new song soon. How is it?

The title is Switch It Up. Should I say it’s close to Hip-Hop Dance? It’s a different style from what I have been making consistently under the name Def. You could say it is a little similar to the solo songs I’ve included in GOT7 albums before. I focused on the purpose of informing the public and the music scene that “I think I will do this sort of music in the future." I’m also sending a message to fans saying that I’ll be starting to promote actively again so look forward to it.

I'm curious. Is there any image that came to mind while working on it?

A sexy image. If I use Def. to freely express my personal stories in any genre, I made a distinction that JAY B does cool and sexy music. Regardless, they are both me, but JAY B is more like a fictional character who can show various sides of me.

What do you think are your strengths as an artist?

There is no such thing. I never thought that an artist should be a certain type of way. I think an artist is one who lives the same life as others, but feels differently, and knows how to express that well. As a matter of fact, anyone can do that. Even everyday office workers, when their stress piles and piles and they scribble down their emotions then toss the paper out, I think that can be a way of art too.

I like that. In any form, what do you want to talk about the most now?

That’s what I’m contemplating a lot right now. I think I’ve been pouring out too much. When writing songs, making the melody or arranging the music isn’t that hard but I don’t know what to write about. The same goes for coming up with titles too. No matter how hard I try to come up with an idea, I can’t think of one. I just think, “ I guess it'll just come out gradually.”

Not as JAY B but as Lim Jaebeom, what have you been thinking about or trying to do?

I try to think positively.

Ah not long ago, we saw you posted on your Instagram “Let’s try to think positively.”

I had quite a lot of worries and a negative mindset. A lot of people may live with unnecessary worries but I’m a little worse. I guess it’s my nature. So I try my best to relax my heart/mind and say “it’s good,” “everything will be okay.”

In introspection, what is something that you are most satisfied with?

That’s hard. No matter how hard I think about it, I feel like there's nothing I like about myself at the moment.

Why? Did something change?

No, it’s not that. Even with one thing, one day you could like it and another day you could dislike it. It’s natural to change your mind. So when I speak, I often use the terms “always” and “at the moment.” Anyways, it’s not that I think that my current self is completely bad, but I’m not satisfied to the point where I would go “wow.”

Then, among the various images that you embody, which do you feel is the piece of clothing that fits perfectly?

I think naturally, the clothing of the name Lim Jaebeom is the most natural and comfortable. Because I’ve got a good hold of the side that is most like me, there can exist Def., JAY B of GOT7 and JAY B of H1GHR MUSIC. Oh, I could explain it like this. If Lim Jaebeom is the earth, just as there exists oceans, mountains, and cities within it, there are various sides of myself that are making up my life.

What will happen to GOT7 in the future?

We probably will not be able to promote as actively as before, but the members and I are trying our best to do anything. I often look up and watch videos of when we were promoting and I miss the GOT7 from those days. The overflowing passion and energy as well. Looking back, it was really fun. It's similar to the feeling of reminiscing about school days.

What did you gain personally from the past 7 years promoting as GOT7?

Should I say, I think I’ve gained expertise? People around me say I’ve become much more relaxed now. But I still get nervous. I was nervous even before today’s shoot. But in turn, I’ve gained ways to overcome the nerves. I guess that comes to show that I’ve become experienced

What kind of person does Lim Jaebeom want to be?

I wish I could be endlessly kind and do only good things, but in reality, that’s impossible. As you live you could unintentionally make mistakes and cause disappointment. Nevertheless, I definitely do not want to become a shrewd person, I despise being scheming and fooling people. I don’t want to be that kind of person and neither do I want to be on the receiving end. But it’s still a bit of a mystery if it’s okay to say "I'm going to be this kind of person." Because as I mentioned before, my current feelings and thoughts change frequently just as trends do.

I guess those words right there can change too.

That’s right. That's why I'm cautious about doing interviews. If I talk about something, there will be articles pouring out that say JAY B said this and JAY B said that. Although we’re doing an interview today like this, if I was asked the same question tomorrow, I could have a different response.

How should we wrap up this interview for you to sleep soundly?

This was the story of Lim Jaebeom on May 4th, 2021. I think this will be okay.

Translated by defdaily.

#def.#jaebeom #defdaily #lim jaebeom #defdaily:trans #got7 #got7 jb #interviewtrans #jay b

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cheri-translates · 4 years ago

Text

[CN] Victor’s Birthday R&S

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an event which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Victor’s 2021 birthday collection:

🐼 r&s ♡ l belonging date l video call l moments and texts l asmr

[ Released on 8 January 2021 ]

[ CHAPTER ONE - Special Present ]

Victor is about to welcome his 15th birthday.

This year, the first birthday present he receives is, as usual, from Little Vick’s zoo. Standing in his room and seeing the box filled with animal plush toys, Victor frowns in slight resignation. When he was young, his parents asked him which was his favourite animal. Without putting much thought into it, he gave the panda as an answer. Since then, he’s been constantly receiving all sorts of presents featuring pictures of pandas from his parents. When he was 9 years old, he even “owned” an actual panda.

As what his father says, since it’s rare for Victor to express that he likes something, there’s definitely a need to fulfil his wish.

Even though he doesn’t dislike this gift, he finds it a little difficult to handle when the zoo sends him a huge box of souvenir plush toys since he shares the same birthday as Little Vick. Other than these, the box would also contain photographs of Little Vick’s everyday life, taken by the rearing staff. Victor would keep them, and send the plush toys to the children of relatives.

[Note] In CN, the panda’s name is 言言 (Yan Yan). But MC used the name “Little Vick” in an EN Moment post, so I’m using it too!

This year, he plans to follow the same routine. Just as he tidies up the items in the box, a knock comes at the door.

“Please come in.”

He turns his head, watching as his father walks in and leans next to the door, a coat draped over his arm. It looks like he just returned from work.

“Are you done with work?”

“Mm. Dad freed up his weekend. Since your birthday is coming, why don’t we head out together?”

Victor looks at his father’s slightly fatigued expression, and contemplates for a while.

“Okay, as long as it isn’t too noisy.”

The man casts a fleeting glance at the cardboard box in front of his son, then offers a suggestion.

“Want to see Little Vick?”

“There are a lot of people in the zoo during the weekend.”

Victor answers very quickly. As such, the man recollects the places he’s taken Victor to in the past, attempting to find a location his son would like.

“What about the countryside park?”

“Okay.” Victor agrees, then raises his head to look at him. “Dad, has Aunt been at home recently? I’m thinking of sending these plush toys to her.”

Seeing the man nod, Victor takes up the adhesive tape and re-seals the box. Watching his actions, the man sighs in his heart.

Trying to figure out what this kid likes - it’s truly a difficult question.

[ CHAPTER TWO - Growing Up Problems ]

It’s a pretty long journey to the countryside park. Victor stuffs this year’s pictures of Little Vick into his backpack, preparing to flip through them along the way.

Actually, ever since adopting it, he’s never visited the zoo to see Little Vick.

He doesn’t really know how to define the relationship between himself and that panda. His neighbours call their three dogs “Boss”, “Second Boss” and “Third Boss”. The moment they’re called, they would rush to the owner, and are as close as family. But Little Vick needs to be meticulously raised by professional staff. Even if it’s given a name, it doesn’t mean it has become someone’s pet, much less a “family member”.

Moreover, everyone knows that a little kid can’t afford to rear a panda. Even if the adoption certificate has Victor’s name on it, he hasn’t offered anything personally. This makes him feel that his connection to Little Vick is even more indiscernible.

Precisely because of this, Victor is always a little surprised whenever he flips through the album featuring its growth. In just a year, Little Vick has grown by quite a lot, and looks like an “adult” - but it’s only 6 years old this year.

The car halts before the traffic light. The man leans over to look at the photographs in Victor’s hands.

“It’s grown quite a lot again. Animals always grow up more quickly than humans.”

“Mm.”

After a short silence between the two, Victor mutters softly.

“...I also wish to grow up quickly.”

Hearing Victor say this suddenly, the man is a little shocked, turning his head to look at him.

“Why?”

“Because there are many things I can’t do right now.”

The man deliberates on his choice of words. “The reason why Little Vick can grow up so quickly is because its lifespan is relatively short. But you're different - you have sufficient time to live out every stage properly.”

After the man finishes speaking, he doesn’t get a reaction from Victor for a long time. From the rearview mirror, he discovers that Victor seems to have sunk into a deep contemplation.

Could talking about such things be too heavy for his son’s birthday? The man lifts his hand to loosen his tie, planning to change the topic.

"But there’s still a chance for you to do things yourself if you want to.”

“For instance, you could try paying for Little Vic’s adoption fees.”

Seeing Victor raising his head, he continues.

“The adoption fees for Little Vick are in yearly instalments. Once you have the ability to do so, Dad won’t help you pay for them.”

Victor hesitates for a moment. “Doesn’t that still require me to wait till I’m older?”

“As long as you're able to earn money from me, it doesn’t matter how old you are. Didn’t you learn about the stock market simulator from Dad recently? I’ll let you use the profit in exchange for an equivalent value.”

Victor straightens up slightly in his seat, and asks in slight anticipation. “How much is it every year?”

"A hundred thousand yuan.”

[Note] Approximately USD$15,500

Victor lapses into silence for a while. To a kid, a hundred thousand yuan is indeed not a small number. Seeing his expression, the man prepares some words of comfort. However, he suddenly speaks.

“Okay, I’ll give it a try.”

[ CHAPTER THREE - The Moment of Meeting ]

The car stops at the entrance of the park. Within it, father-and-son look at each other in dismay.

Five minutes earlier, the two of them were notified by the carpark staff that the park has temporarily ceased operations due to some internal revisions. As such, they have no choice but to head to another place.

“Looks like we should have given them a call to check first.”

Seeing the rare expression of vexation on his father’s face, Victor retrieves a map from the storage compartment. The both of them stare at it together, and it seems that the Loveland City zoo, which is only dozens of kilometres away, is the most suitable replacement.

“Shall we take a look?”

Sensing that his father is waiting for his answer, Victor hesitates for a moment before nodding in agreement.

After registering the adoption certification, the staff of the panda area enthusiastically receives the father and son.

“Little Vick’s birthday is coming soon. It’d definitely be very happy to see the two of you.”

Walking into the warm venue, there are excited visitors everywhere. With such an atmosphere, Victor starts feeling slightly expectant too.

“The one at the front is Little Vick.”

The staff brings the two of them before a glass room. At the front is a panda which is hugging a ball and amusing itself. Victor leans closer to the glass, giving it a detailed look. Little Vick seems to have been taken cared of very well. Its fur is fluffy, it looks sturdy, and refuses to let go of its favourite toy.

The man laughs inwardly as he watches his son subconsciously draw nearer to the glass. He even thought Victor didn’t like such adorable animals - it turns out he just refused to admit it. The phone in his pocket vibrates unceremoniously, and he signals to Victor, turning around to answer the call in a corner.

When it’s time for the pandas to eat, the rearer brings a large bundle of bamboo into the glass room. Seeing the look of anticipation on Victor’s face, the rearer specially brings a small bamboo leaf close to the glass. As expected, Little Vick sets down its toy and paces over. After circling the bamboo leaf twice, it suddenly lifts up his front paws and plops onto the glass. Victor is stunned, subconsciously bending down, reaching out to attract its attention.

The staff smiles as he looks at the boy and panda. “Looks like Little Vick really likes you!”

“...”

Saying that he wasn’t pleasantly surprised would be a lie. Victor looks at its slightly curved lips, and smiles along with it.

Should he greet it, or should he just stay like this quietly?

While he’s struggling internally to come to a decision, Little Vick slides off the glass, plopping its bottom onto the ground. Finding a comfortable position, its back faces Victor as it starts gnawing on the bamboo.

...as expected, eating is more important.

Victor hurriedly retracts his smile, straightening up to look at the back of its head. In order to alleviate the embarrassment from earlier, he broaches a new conversation topic.

“May I know,” he turns to the staff member at the side. “If it’s considered an adult now?”

“Yes, it’s already at an age where it’s seeking a spouse.”

“In that case, will it live together with its family in the future?”

“Pandas are very solitary, and Little Vick’s a boy. Even if it has children, it’d still lead a solitary life.”

As though in deep thought, Victor nods. Although these animals look charmingly naive, they aren’t as weak as imagined, and don’t need to rely fully on those around them.

As compared to them, perhaps he truly hasn’t grown up yet.

[ CHAPTER FOUR - Repaying Love ]

Returning from the call, the man sees Victor staring at the back profile of Little Vick. Even after leaving the panda area, he doesn’t speak.

“Why aren’t you talking?”

After a while, Victor responds.

“It doesn’t seem like it’d remember us.”

The man recollects the image he saw earlier. With some understanding, he nods.

“If we visit it a few more times in the future, it might remember.”

“But... so many people visit the pandas every day. I’m just one of them.”

“Victor, let Dad ask you something.” The man pauses in his footsteps and looks at him. “Without considering other factors, do you like Little Vick?”

Victor nods very quickly. The man continues with another question.

“After knowing it wouldn’t respond to you, do you still like it?”

After thinking about it for a while, Victor nods again. The man laughs slightly, bringing him towards the resting spot near the lakeside.

“Not being able to return the same emotions yet not affecting your liking towards it - isn’t this very good?”

“But it’s usually living in the zoo. We can't rear it personally. This kind of liking can’t establish any connections.” Victor seems to hesitate. “I remember you mentioning that the reason for “liking” is to establish connections with other people.”

The man pauses in his steps, turning his head to meet his son’s puzzled gaze. He sighs softly.

“What Dad tells you is not necessarily always true. You need to learn how to assess the appropriate occasion and target. You and Little Vick aren’t able to understand each other. Protecting it from afar like this isn’t a bad choice.”

Victor frowns slightly. These words are slightly confusing, and seem to contain things he has yet to understand.

“In that case, what if there’s mutual understanding?

A cool breeze brushes past. He watches as his father blinks, concealing a very small emotion in his eyes.

“A person who is willing to understand you is someone who is wiling to walk down the same path as you. If you meet that person someday, you must definitely cherish them.”

Because their original plan was to visit the countryside park, the man also brought the cake along. Since the scenery by the lakeside isn’t bad, the both of them select a bench and sit down. The man hands the cake box to Victor.

“Do you mind eating the cake a few days in advance?”

“I don’t mind.”

Victor takes apart the ribbon. Inside is a very exquisite cake, a small brand logo printed on the bottom right side of the chocolate sign. Perhaps noticing his slight pause, he quickly hears his father’s voice.

“...this year’s cake was bought.”

“It looks very nice. Thanks, Dad.”

“The zoo doesn't allow for the lighting up of candles. So we’ll blow out the candles and make a wish at home.”

“Okay, it’s all right.”

Victor carefully cuts out two slices of cake, handing one to his father. The two of them sit next to each other, eating cake while staring at the lake, neither of them speaking.

[ CHAPTER FIVE - Important Person ]

After returning home and having a bath, Victor walks towards his room with relaxed steps. While passing by his father’s bedroom, he vaguely hears him talking to someone over the phone.

It’s so late. Is he still working? Victor is about to continue walking, but his ears suddenly catch a few special words.

Weather, zoo, birthday... His father doesn’t seem to be talking about work, but about very trivial topics to someone. Just as he’s about to step away from the door quietly, his father calls out to him.

“Victor, come in.”

“It’s late and you aren’t asleep yet.”

His father sets down the phone, not giving him a reply. Victor glances at the screen which has yet to dim, and it displays that he isn’t currently in a call. His father doesn’t seem to know how to explain that “phone call”. After a moment of silence, he suddenly broaches another topic.

“Dad didn’t give you a present this year. You’re going to be 15 soon. Do you want something different?”

“You’re referring to...”

“For example, a present belonging to an adult.”

“Anything is fine?”

“Tell me what it is first.”

After giving it some thought, Victor scans his father’s room. Most of the items are either things he already owns, or things he doesn’t need in the far future. After taking a look around, his eyes fall back onto his father - to be more precise, the dark coloured tie he’s wearing.

“I want to buy a tie.” Victor pauses, then adds on. “One with a darker colour.”

Actually, there have been many occasions when he’s needed to wear a tie, and he doesn’t lack them. But most of them cater to his age, or are for school performances, and he doesn’t have one which is formal. Also, considering his mother’s preferences, the colours and patterns of the ties in the closet are very outlandish. One of them even has panda badges on it.

Perhaps thinking about the same image, his father suddenly laughs.

“Okay, you’ll pick one yourself tomorrow. But I have a condition.”

“Go ahead.”

“The reason why we didn’t light candles or make a wish this year is in hopes that you’ll say it directly when you want anything in the future. Especially when it comes to important wishes - you need to tell them to important people as soon as you can.”

“However, if it’s something I can do, I don't want to trouble someone else.”

“To some people, it isn’t troublesome.”

After saying this, he tousles Victor’s hair. Victor seems to comprehend it vaguely. In the past, he used to teach Victor how to be independent, so why is he suddenly changing his attitude?

Could it be that someone like his father has moments when he wishes to rely on someone else too?

Returning home the next day after buying the tie, Victor is once again called into his father’s bedroom. The two of them stand properly before the full-length mirror.

“The pattern of a tie is very critical, but tying a suitable knot is also very important.”

He watches as his father retrieves a tie from the closet, turning around to face him.

“Today, I’ll teach you how to tie a formal knot.”

“Okay.”

Before being taught, Victor never expected that such a complicated knot existed. Even though he follows his father step-by-step, the final knot ends up being crooked. Refusing to give up, he removes the tie, giving it another try.

“Does this knot have a name?”

“Eldredge Knot.”

“What occasion requires such a knot?”

His father doesn’t give him a direct answer. “The more complicated the knot, the more important the occasion. Even if you were to only use it once, it’s worth preparing for it.”

Victor watches his father in the mirror. He doesn’t say more, and simply tells him to practise by himself before turning around and leaving. Victor spends an incredibly long time in front of the mirror before he finally ties it into shape.

When he turns around, wanting his father to check it, he sees the wedding photograph of his parents out of the corner of his eye. This photograph isn’t foreign to him, but he still takes a curious, careful look at it.

With this, he finally understands what his father meant by “occasion”. In the photograph, the knot the father tied is the exact same one.

[ CHAPTER SIX- A flowing love ]

One more photograph of Little Vick nibbling on bamboo appears on Victor’s desk. Even though there’s a huge “generation gap” between him and Little Vick, the way it eats seriously without being picky is worthy of acknowledgement. Victor thinks - if he can fork out the adoption fees and enable it to lead a healthy and happy life, it counts as a one-sided, reasonable expression of liking it.

Aside from studying, Victor spends a lot of time over the following days researching stocks intensively. After a couple of transactions, he manages to recoup more than his original investment. This sale enables him to accumulate enough to cover the adoption fees. With the success of the stock market simulation, his father, as agreed, deposits the money into Victor’s savings account.

“Next year, you can see Little Vick with pride.”

“It’s fine as long as I can continue providing it with a good life.”

The man sighs in his heart when he looks at Victor’s small, deliberately stern face. It appears that he’s still troubled by Little Vick not remembering him.

"However, I heard that it could have its own children soon. Could I continue adopting its children?”

The man is a little surprised, but responds seriously.

“It’s your own decision. You have to ensure that you have the ability to do so in the future.”

“I’ve done some calculations. Before I turn 25, I can repay you for all the adoption fees over the years.”

“Does this count as your wish?”

“No, it’s a plan.”

The man chokes up for a moment. Even though Victor is at an age where nothing daunts him, he rarely boasts. If he can truly walk down the path he has planned, it’s truly worthy of admiration.

There may still be much his son has to learn, but he’s wiling to believe in him. But before that, he still has to return to the previous question.

“So what's your wish?”

The self-assured mini adult suddenly grows uneasy after hearing this question.

“I wish... that you’ll see me as an adult next time.”

“Hm?” The man displays an amused expression.

“If there are certain things I can do, you can let me shoulder them for you.”

At the sight of Victor’s resolute expression, the man can’t help but laugh.

"I could consider it, but you have to first learn how to not wear your tie crookedly.”

He looks down. Without realising it, his tie has become loose, and hangs on him crookedly. He hurries to the mirror to straighten it, but still looks in the direction of his father out of the corner of his eye.

The call which didn't get through in the bedroom earlier - Victor knows who it was made to. A proper calculation of the time differences , and the gentle tone used to talk about trivial matters - he’s already heard it for many years.

Certain things can’t be re-lived. But at least, they can continue through other means.

As a person who is about to become an adult, he believes he can do it.

Fun fact: Victor tied the Eldredge knot in his Deep Love Date T^T

🐼 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc victor #CRYING

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darklightmiwxo · 3 years ago

Text

MIW history

Hello I want to make a history and facts post of MIW. I been a fan for a few months so I may miss some stuff out. New fans can check this out to understand more of the band.

Motionless in white members:

[IMG=OAA]

Name: Chris motionless (cerulli)

Full name: Christopher Cerulli)

Age: 34

Birthday: October 17 1986

Zodiac: Libra

Birth place: Scranton Pennsylvania

Height: 6'1

Role: main singer

Relationship Status: single

Chris says he doesn't want to get married.

Fear: heights and flying

Personality: a really kind person who cares for his fans he's funny and has a dad humor. Everyone just see him as a dad to them.

Interest: Chris really loves dogs. He plays video games halo and call of duty he plays it all the time. His fave bands is slipknot,marlin manson,korn,HIM,and more rock bands.

[IMG=EOZ]

Name: Ricky Olson (horror)

Full name: Richard Alison Olson the third

Nick name: Rick

Age: 32

Birthday: September 1st 1988

Birth place: Seattle WA

Lives: Scranton Pennsylvania

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 5'6

Uni: he studied film production in college but dropped out for the band.

Role: rhythm guitarist and backing vocalist

Relationship status: taken by Jamie L

Fear: dying alone,being hated,failing

Personality: he's a calm sweet person he's very smart and also really kind. He's a good caring friend. However he can be a troll sometimes and mess around with everyone because he loves doing it. He loves his fans so much. He's a shy boy.

Interest: he loves to write,draw,edit,take photos, record videos,run his YouTube channel,create a mini sketch video to post on his channel, being a director,he loves cats and reading books.

Ricky fave bands is: muse,HIM,afi,slipknot,BMTH,Ariana grande,Ellie goulding.

[IMG=NEP]

Name: Vinny Mauro

Full name: Vinchenzo Mauro

Nick name: vin,chenzo,sachetti

Nationality: Italian American

Age: 27

Birthday: Nov 22 1993

Birth place: jersey shore Pennsylvania

Zodiac: Sagittarius

(he's also a Sagittarius Scorpio cusp)

Height: 5'6

Uni: vinny study computer programming but he dropped out of college to join the band in 2014

Role: drummer

Bands: MIW,suffer club,trap demon

Relationship Status: single

Fear: being hated by people

Personality: in most of Ricky vlogs vinny seem extroverted he is loud around friends and has lots of fun being silly. But in reality there is a side to him that isn't easy to see you can see it in his twitch stream. He's actually really introverted he said this himself. He's calming and sweet he interact with fans a lot and making sure fans respect each other. He loves to be alone in his room for many days avoiding human contact. Vinny mention being too shy to go up to new people but he is fine if people go up to him. He doesn't feel comfortable talking to new people. He likes being alone.

Interest: creating rap beats,playing video games,making music,dogs and cats,playing drums.

Vinny fave artist are: Fall out boy,paramore,korn,panic! At the disco,HIM,my chemical romance,arch enemy,maroon 5,emeiem,Ariana grande,dua lipa,Mack millo,doji cat,bring me the horizon,pierce the veil,sleeping with sirens,all time low,black veil brides,Rihanna,linkin park,green day,evanescences.

[IMG=XHH]

Name: Ryan Sitkowski

Age: 30

Birthday: Jan 8,1991

Zodiac: Capricorn

Birth place: Pennsylvania

Height: 5'11?

Uni: he dropped out of college to join MIW

Role: lead guitarist

Relationship Status: taken

Fear: spiders

Personality: Ryan is a chill person he's shy and caring to fans. He's also a troll he loves to mess around with his friends.

Interest: guitar,video games,trading card games.

Bands: the same as the rest of miw probably.

[IMG=QFE]

Name: Justin morrow

Age: 32?

Birthday: May 11th

Birth place: Caledonia, New York

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 6'1

Role: bassist

Relationship Status: married

Fear: ?

Personality: Justin is a kind chill person who cares for his fans and his friends. He left ice nine kills to right away help MIW on tour. Justin is also a troll he loves trolling his friends.

Interest: videos games but not a nerd like the others,bass,cosplaying,putting makeup on.

Bands: the same as MIW

Motionless in white history:

The band started in high school of 2005

Chris,Angelo,Frank p,Kyle white being the first members of the band. Later after college and the bands demo releases Josh joined the band. Frank moved to bass. Micheal and TJ join as guitarist. Later on micheal left the band and Chris met Ryan. Ryan then joined as guitarist of the band. Chris met Ricky in 2009. Frank left the band and Ricky was the new bassist for MIW.

MIW got more popular in 2009 when they tour around the state's in a van. Tj left the band a year later to join escape the fate (Ronnie radke of falling in reverse old band and bless the fall singer Craig band) Ricky then became the new rythmn guitarist of the band. Ghost (Devin) join as the bass player of the band. During the infamous album creation Angelo was feeling ill he couldn't play drums well anymore he gets tired easily and his drum skills wasn't good at all he was eating bad that it make him weak. He couldn't drum anymore so he left the band. The band had other drummers help record their albums. Brandon was the touring drummer for the band till the end of the reincarnated album. The band met vinny and he became the new drummer he was in the reincarnated music video playing drums but you can't see him much in the music video. Vinny then became a member of MIW not a tour drummer anymore but a actually member of MIW. Josh left the band around this time. In the graveyard shift era after the making of the album the whole band kicked ghost out of the band because the fans told the band what ghost did to fans which was very gross. The band kicked him out and Justin from ice nine kills join the band as bassist then he quit ice nine kills to be working full time for MIW. Disguise is the first album where the whole current members of the band created songs without other people doing it for them.

Chris history from high school to now:

Chris grew up in Pennsylvania. He met his friends who end up being the band members of the band he wanted to create he wasn't expecting to be the main singer. At a young age Chris started getting tattoos everywhere.

Chris cared about the band and just went for it.

Demos of the band was created. Chris is a perfectionist he wants the album to be perfect so he was judging everything in order to make a album he liked. Band members left but he didn't quit the band he try to find new band members and try to meet new bands. He worked hard for the band he carry the whole band and make sure the band was doing well. Chris thanks Ryan and Ricky for being the most loyal band members staying with him all these years and not leaving him. Chris had the fear of failing the band breaking up and Chris dreams crushing down but Chris didn't let that happen at all. And here we are today.

Ryan Sitkowski college to now:

Ryan dropped out of college to join MIW at age 17. He was new to the band and Josh didn't like him at all. Ryan was at a young age traveling all over the state with the band. Ryan haven't shared much of his life on the internet he kept it more private. Ryan got a girlfriend and then when the lockdown happen he started streaming on twitch to interact with fans and made a discord too.

Ricky Olson high school to now:

Ricky is the oldest of his siblings. When Ricky was young he was playing with his friends sports and something hit his tooth so half of Ricky teeth is fake. He mention he cry to his mom on the phone because of it. Ricky in middle school wanted to be in a band because his friends played instruments and he wanted to join them. Ricky in high school was a shy boy who had a few friends but they were mostly fake friends. Ricky Olson begin to play guitar and write stories because of the inspiration of Ville Valo from HIM. He became obsessed with HIM. Ricky was in a band in high school as the lead singer but was kicked out for sounding like Ville valo. One of Ricky dreams was to be in a band and also a film maker. In college he study film production. While also working in band merch booth selling band merch to people. But since Ricky was too shy he got yelled at for not speaking up and selling more. Ricky was in a bad time around 2008 and 2009. He share this in a blog years ago about this. He was in a lost place had a bad past and he was thinking of the past all the time and future worrying about failing the future he wanted to be in a band but he was so lost he had no idea what to do in his life. He would day dream about being in a band and then cry to sleep every night about his life. He had depression and gave up with everything in his life. He drank achoul every day. One day on his sister 16 birthday Ricky was drunk coming home from work to go to his parents house his sister was sleeping in her bed.

Tw// self harm and suicide attempt:

Ricky was laying in his sister's bed he cut his arm with a knife it was a lot Ricky was sobbing while watching the blood going down his arm to the floor his dad saw what happen and ask Ricky what happen. Ricky was sobbing and yelling he wanted to die many times. He passed out and went to the hospital he lost a lot of blood and the achoul level was really high he drank way too much. He almost died. He end up getting better and went to see a therapist. He went to see MIW with a friend. Ricky met Chris and the band thought Ricky was cool so he invited them to stay at his house. Chris text Ricky being like should join our band. Ricky would often say idk if I should he didn't know if he would be good enough for the band.

He later on join and quit college but Ricky mention still feeling depressed while in the band. Josh ballaz disliked Ricky when he joined too. 2 years later Ricky moved to rythmn guitarist but he wasn't used to playing guitar since he mostly did bass so he often made mistakes on guitar. He was still learning to play guitar. Things got better for Ricky. But his dream job was always filming he does some film stuff on tour and at home. Though he knew he probably won't be a film maker for movies like he dream of doing he makes whatever he can make. Ricky has stomach problems he often went to the doctor because of it.

Vinny Mauro childhood to now:

Vinny is one of the youngest children of his family. He has many siblings. Vinny mention on stream that he had a bad past. He mention that his dad would take achoul all the time and not give a fuck about vinny. Vinny mom would always go after Vinny. Vinny as a kid was a trouble maker he would disobey his parents and think it was funny. His mom would throw stuff at him and threaten him. His dad gave him a drum set so vinny end up learning to play drums he self taught himself to play drums. He listen to music and got into new types of music he likes all types of music. In middle school a girl that he liked asked him if he can play paramore on drums and vinny played it for her.

In high school vinny was a outcast and loner he made friends in his neighborhood but at school he had no friend. He didn't fit in with anyone. He mention in Ricky Olson podcast his high school life. Ricky ask him how he didn't find friends in high school. Vinny mention saying he didn't fit in with anyone he is also a shy person so he doesn't go up to new people. He was more a loner and was fine with it. Vinny went to uni to study computer programming but he didn't like it at all he was often bored he posted videos of him drumming on his YouTube channel. He knew a guy who knew MIW. MIW was looking for a drummer and they asked vinny to try out for drums in another country which was Australia. Vinny dropped out of college and told his parents what he was doing they weren't happy about that but he end up going over there trying out drums but he was very nervous. He met the band and then went to start drumming. Chris and Ricky were in the same room as vinny they were watching him play drums. Chris being very judgemental. He often scares Ricky when he's on guitar and Ricky fear to make a single mistake in front of Chris and vinny felt that fear. He even said I think I mess up a few times on drums. After he finish drumming. Ricky and Chris went to talk said not a single word and vinny was sweating so much thinking he made a mistake and he won't be part of the band. Later on Chris made vinny part of the band. Vinny became the tour member of the band then he became a member of MIW.

Years later vinny decided to interact more with fans since he had time to so he livestreams on twitch and has discord to interact with fans.

The lock down happen and vinny spend time interacting with fans. He lives with his friend in a house together. But something about vinny these few years mostly months to now that was starting to show. Vinny was suddenly showing signs of depression he often tweet depressing stuff but each year got worst for him. 2020 was the start of vinny's down fall. He had so much self hate he hated his hair,his body,his looks everything about himself he hate. He even tweeted saying I'm sad so I'm going to make a song. He release alone. Even he tweeted about something sad saying 2020 was a bad start for him and Ricky ask if he was ok and hoping vinny was just joking around. During December vinny had back pains because of a sneeze that hurt his nerves so vinny was in so much pain and he didn't see a doctor he thought he could fight it himself just taking pain meds to him. In Jan of 2021 the start of vinny down hill. He was in so much pain he couldn't leave his room or chair he couldn't even drum. He was very depressed. He hated life so much. A month later he got better and went back to streaming but still he was struggling there was some bad stuff happening anyway with him. The covid shot made him sick Saying he didnt eat anything for 4 days he felt like throwing up he even woke up in the middle of the night thinking he was going to do it and other stuff that made him depressed. Around April of this year small amount of fans notice something was going on with vinny he mention so much self hate about himself. In May he mention he was fine but a week later he said he was depressed and talking about what happen months ago and years ago. Sharing something about his family past and he stopped himself saying he doesn't want to get too into it. Vinny mention that he was eating food once a day because he felt like he is fat for over eating food all the time so he end up just eating dinner only everyday. He done it since the beginning of March and still is doing it. He wanted to loss weight. So he doesn't want breakfast and lunch but he eats dinner.

Around may vinny was in rock bottom he talk to no one at all even Ryan was 30 mins away from vinny and he ask him why he didn't go to see him and vinny said he didn't know why. Vinny mention saying he talked to no one for a week straight he also mention he isn't the kind of person to go up to people he said he's very introverted. he stopped streaming for weeks because he was doing bad. He said he felt burnt out and tired.

He took his break off social media for many weeks. Around this time many fans notice vinny was really not doing well.

Then he return to streaming around the 18th of June. Just to say hi he said he miss his fans but he plans to stream again a few weeks later. He mention that he have been avoiding all human contact and was staying in his room playing video games and drums all day still with the once a meal thing he does. Vinny said he's not depressed but people ask him about his depressing tweets and he said is it really depressing. Someone ask him why he is listening to sad music and he said am I not allowed to enjoy music. Now more fans are worried about him. Many more fans noticing that vinny isn't ok and he's hiding it.

That's basically all of MIW history I could give.

I will update and add more to the list later when something new happens. The vinny stuff is true I been watching his streams a lot and he mention those stuff so I just wanted to share what he said. I been a MIW fan for 8 months so I may not know Ryan and Justin as much as the others. Since they don't share much about themselves.

Hoping you enjoy this. Free feel to comment somethings I forgot to add.

Please don't argue about ghost ok. Ty

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hanijunk · 4 years ago

Text

Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.

Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!

Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO

Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.

Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO

I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol

Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao.

I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo

I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.

This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).

I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.

THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP

First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck.

That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).

Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.

Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications.

Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.

Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma.

Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential.

But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.

Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.

If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*

And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL

As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.

Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes!

Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.

I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more.

There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.

Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes.

TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--

#honeyworks #dolce #kazufuuma #kazuki haiga #fuuma shirayuki #long post #analysis #character analysis #kinda?#nobody cares trash #also keep in mind this is PURELY for self satisfaction LMFAO read it if u wanna dont if u dont idgaf either way #anyway kazufuuma canon fight me #or have intellectual conversation with me #if you want it on a google doc bc it's easier to read hmu #if you can't tell i think about kazufuuma too much #how much of this is repetitive? probably a lot...

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staywritten · 4 years ago

Text

A Love That Last│Bang Chan

A Love That Lasts │ Chapter Ⅰ

Synopsis: You’ve spent the last two years, helping your very handsome next door neighbor raise his adorable daughter. The two of you fell into a routine before you knew it. And now you had this little family. You couldn’t help but fall for him.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, smut in a later chapter

Word Count: 1k

You were coming off of a twenty-four-hour shift at the hospital, and nothing made you happier than finally being able to sleep in your bed. You stopped by your favorite restaurant before heading home, making sure to grab a large bowl of kimchi soup, fried chicken, and a case of beer. After back to back surgeries, and deal with co-running the ER with your irritating co-worker you needed a nice break.

Balancing all of the food in your hands, you climbed the stairs and walked by your neighbor’s doors. “I got dinner~” you chimed, kicking it lightly, before opening your own door, next do it. You set the food down on the table, and your backpack by the door. Before you could even stretch your bones you felt a rush at your legs as your neighbor’s adorable daughter ran in behind you, hugging you tight.

“You’re home!!” she cheered, with the brightest smile. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too Dollface” you kneeled down, pulling her in a warm hug. “You give the best hugs” you cooed.

“I’m so glad you’re home, I was afraid I was gonna have to eat what Daddy cooked” she groaned, exaggeratedly sticking her tongue out.

Chan scoffed, leaning on your doorway. “Hey! I’ll have you know my dinner would have been delicious”

“Sure Daddy” she teased before whispering at you “It was burnt”

You snorted, trying your best to hide your laughter. Seeing the offense on Chan’s face you covered your mouth. “I-I’m sorry” you giggled “But I smelled it when I walked past your door.”

“Well if you two are quite done roasting me, I’d like to have dinner” Chan clapped his hands.

You smoothed down Minseo’s curly hair. “I’m gonna change out of my scrubs, I’ll be right back” You walked into your bedroom, washing your face and staring into your mirror trying to collect yourself from just how handsome Chan looked. It really wasn’t fair for him to look that attractive at this time of night. He honestly had to do the bare minimum to get you going. His messy hair, sweatpants low on his lips, that stupidly attractive dimpled smile. You groaned splashing your face again.

Two years ago when Chan moved into the vacant apartment next door with his three-year-old daughter you thought it was a silver lining in your love life. He was breathtakingly handsome, with the cutest dimples, and the shyest smile. He was single and just trying to navigate parenthood with his daughter. Chan worked hard to give her the world, but he was in way over his head. And there was something about watching him and his friends try to raise her that made you help out.

One favor turned into another, and before you knew it, a companionship was formed. You grew to love Minseo like she was your own. And there was something about pursuing Chan romantically that just felt wrong. You two were friends, and if it didn’t work out romantically then it could make the friendship awkward. It would make it weird for Minseo. She had become accustomed to your routine, and kids were sensitive to a routine so why ruin it? At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

The attraction just remained unspoken.

There was always something there, but neither of you were willing to take the jump and risk it. And you would rather be something in Chan’s life, then risk losing it and being no one in his life.

So for now, this was enough.

You walked out of your bedroom, smiling at your makeshift family. It wasn’t yours to keep, but for now, you could at least enjoy borrowing it.

Minseo beamed up at you, a chicken leg in one hand and kimchi sauce on her cheek. “Our pajamas match!” she gestured toward the red plaid matching top and bottoms that she wore.

Seeing that beautiful smile you knew that you never wanted to do anything that risked losing it. You giggled smooshing her cheeks playfully. “We do match~”

“Daddy got you those for Christmas!” she chimed.

“He did!” you laughed. “Too bad he never wears his~” You sat down next to her, cleaning her face with a napkin and looking at Chan “How was work?”

“Long” he chuckled leaning on his hand, watching you two. A smile never leaving his face. He always loved seeing how bright his daughter got when she was with you, and how that brightness was always mirrored. It was so genuine and warm. “My new client really likes the album so far, we should be able to wrap it up soon”

“Are you remembering to sleep?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, letting out that shy giggle. “Ah, you know me I get restless when I have things to do”

You frowned. “You need sleep” you scolded him before winking “Don’t make me confiscate your to-do list, and tuck you in myself.” His ears began to warm as he looked away shyly. His daughter chiming about how he’s in trouble. “I’m serious Chris, Doctor’s orders”

“I’ll be more mindful, I promise” he smiled bashfully.

After dinner the three of you settle down with a kids movie on Netflix, Chan falling asleep within the first twenty minutes, and Minseo getting so close to seeing the end but she just couldn’t ride out the last ten minutes. You smiled to yourself, gently running your hands through her hair. “What am I gonna do with you two?” Chan’s head resting against your shoulder as he took in gentle breaths, Minseo bundled between the two of you, her little arms wrapped around your arm and the plush blanket.

The credits for the movie ran all the way though and you’d been staring at the Netflix main menu for almost twenty minutes. You tried to bring yourself to attempt to get up. But it was just so warm. Both of them were tangled against you and and the blanket. You looked down at him Chan’s face smooshed against your shoulder, you being close enough to see the tiniest dusting of freckles against his nose or how his cheek dimpled as he moved his mouth. Minseo’s tiny face mirroring his features with those same little freckles, dimple, and pouty lips.

But you couldn’t keep them here forever.

“Hey...wake up sleepy head” you cooed at Chan, your fingers gently grazing his scalp.

He sighed happily “Mmm that feels so good please don’t stop” He watched you sleepily, a lazy smile on his lips. “Did I fall asleep?”

Did he really have to look at you like that? His expression was so open, candid, it disarmed you, and captivated you. There was just something about that little smile, that mischievous twinkle in his eye. Did he really not realize how it made your stomach do this little flip? “You were out like a light” you giggled, continuing to scratch his scalp; Loving how his smile grew.

“In my defense I feel like you put on the most boring movie”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. All I’m seeing is that you took a two hour nap” you grinned watching him stand up. You gently moved Minseo from your arms into his. He propped her up against his hip as she buried her tired face in his chest.

“Hmmm why do I have a feeling you did that on purpose?” he smirked

“Now, Chris. I’m not a magician” you quirked your brow. “But I am armed with hundreds of movies on Netflix Kids and I will use them on you if I have to” you winked at him.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time” he chuckled, walking toward the door.

It wasn’t that Chan hated sleeping, he was just restless. Growing up he was always struck with inspiration in the middle of the night, and as a young parent, he couldn’t exactly rest knowing his daughter may wake up in the middle of the night and need him. There just wasn’t times that he felt comfortable to sleep. He survived on napping well enough but you were one of the few people that completely disarmed him. That he could relax enough long enough to sleep.

You walked him the eight feet it took to get to his door, whispering a good night to Minseo before kissing her hair. You pouted cupping her little cheeks, one last time. “She’s so cute” you smiled smoothing down her dark hair. “And you” you peaked up at Chan with a pout “Please get some more sleep tonight, preferably another six hours” you looked at him, with pleading eyes.

“I’ll give it a shot” he opened his door, ready to walk in but stopped to look at you again. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Just some chores in the morning but then I’m free, what’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come to the park with us” he smiled. “Minseo said she missed you”

“Only Minseo?” you raised a brow.

“And... Me too...” he gave you a bashful look, doing that nervous little giggle of his.

“I’d love to go” you grinned. “Goodnight Chris, see you tomorrow”

“Goodnight” he closed the door between you and sighed against the door.

Yeah, he had a crush on you. And he wasn’t going to deny it. Waking up to your beautiful face watching him, his daughter in both your arms. It was like a dream come true. But the fact that he thought you were way out of his league and you two had a delicate friendship. He just didn’t have the courage to chance ruining your relationship.

This was good enough… Wasn’t it?

To be continued...

Chapter II

Hey Friends! ヾ(＾∇＾)

I couldn’t help myself D: I have such a kink for parent AU’s and boy I’d be lying if I said Dad!Chan didn’t get me going. I'm also planning on making this a 5 part story I’m aiming to upload daily.

And ever since Chan pointed out his freckles on the v-live I can’t stop mentioning it

If you guys like it please let me know! :3 your words always encourage me also if you’d liked to be tagged in future parts let me know <3

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hoxc · 3 years ago

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Gwyn ap Nudd is a Hunter. Diana Wrayburn, a strong Warrior. Together, they are a force to be reckoned with. The series kick off at Alec and Magnus’ beach wedding at the end of QOAAD in which Diana and Gwyn are lying on the beach shore, remote from the crowd. Discover how their romantic, intimate and adventurous relationship is evolving since the events following the downfall of the Cohort and see what their future holds over the course of several chapters. The first Chapter is inspired by The Archer by Taylor Swift.

The view was unparalleled, though Diana found herself caught adrift in her partner’s compelling and heterochromatic gaze. Every fleck of color in both eyes a constant reminder of the being Gywn was, who he’s long ago been forced to become and continue to be, as the leader of the Wild Hunt. Centuries of bloodshed, plagues and warfare planted in the crevisses of his irises like organic warpaint with which to fend off enemies. Almond-shaped eyes sculpted to hunt through an endless night.

Somehow he did not scare her for he was not the monster the folklore tales painted him to be. Underneath the curse and the dark artifices is the male who made her feel seen for the woman and warrior she truly is. A feeling that would never go away, no matter how grotesque the fables or atrocities he’s committed on behalf of the Wild Hunt. In the Shadow world, nothing is as simple as black or white. She cannot fix the person he was, though she can help him become the person he could be.

She herself has lived a life full of lies, secrets and deception toward others whilst he has been forced to run and hide in the shadows for what could be a millenia. Somehow, they had more in common than meets the eye.

“Trouble in paradise, my Angel?” echoed Gwyn’s sultry voice on the shore of Diana’s thoughts, instantly bringing her back to herself.

A minute or an hour could have passed, Diana could not tell. She slightly tilted her head in the ocean’s direction to hide her smile, the color in her cheeks turning as red as the surrounding flames. Gwyn gripped her chin ever so gently so as to bathe in the sight of her raw emotion. Diana reciprocated the motion and held him by the neck, her fingers brushing his pointed and delicate ears.

“Just realized we are almost out of that delicious iceberg cider. Let me get something else to drink.”

“Then let me get drunk in you,” whispered the Hunter on his lover’s lips. A laughter erupted from the Warrior’s mouth before she leaned to put her legs around his waist, intiating a heavy make out session.

Their time on the run from the Cohort brought them closer, though they were never completely alone. Or completely together. Gwyn wrapped his corded arms around her and laid his hands on her lower back, giving into the passionate kiss that spoke words that could not be said in public. Fireworks exploded in her bowels as shooting stars rained over the beach like arrows being shot down from Heaven; piercing through the veil of our world.

When the hour got late, they decided to bid congratulations to the newly weds again before making their departure. Emma was slyly approaching their direction, Tavvy cradled in her arms. Wait, was she winking at them?

“He’s had too much cake,” said Emma, pointing at the icing and crumbs sticking to the boy’s cheeks, “and Cristina cut me off from playing the Lover album on repeat so we are officially leaving this party,” joked the girl.

“Thank you again, for everything you did to help us through this War, Gwyn. Diana, Julian is waiting in the car. Are you coming with us?” For an instant, Diana saw the ten year old girl who’d just lost her parents, pleading her to return to the Institute with her. Her heart sank. Emma made to turn back slowly when Gwyn caught her by the elbow and steadied the girl.

“Stand straight child, better days are coming,” riddled Gwyn, the squint in his eyes giving Emma the eerie feeling he could forsee better days ahead that she couldn’t. The blonde warrior smiled her usual grinny smile.

“Tell my scoliosis that” she chuckled back. There, she reappeared; the young woman who’d defied all the odds to be happy for herself.

“Matter of fact I am not coming back with you,” admitted Diana, surprising herself and Gwyn whose eyebrows raised incredulously.

“Suit yourself. See you early tomorrow for training then!” Emma made to turn back, waving Tavvy’s sleeping hand for him. Diana held the girl’s hand tenderly, and, for a second time, Emma was denied the chance of a semi-dramatic exit.

“Emma, a Shadowhunter married a warlock – the most amazing Warlock – today and made history. Tonight calls for celabration. I will see you when I see you,” added Diana with a wink at Emma.

“Gwyn, be a dear and call in your horse. We’re going for a ride.”

There are no amount of words to describe the pure freedom of riding a horse through the skies, under the stars and above the sea. Diana held the reins, Gwyn holding onto her wilderness. The wind made no sound in the presence of the Hunter. His next words cut right through her ears.

“Why am I worthy of you, lady Diana?” asked Gwyn in a shy yet commanding voice.

Her pull on the reins would have sent an actual living, breathing horse riding on land into a frenzy of confusion similar as the one she was expericing right now. She was not actually leading the horse anywhere, it responded to Gwyn’s commands without speech or action. She turned her head around to face him and embraced his radiating warmth.

“If you don’t expain yourself more clearly, this sentence won’t even apply.”

The ancient war God inhaled deeply before delivering his thoughts carefully into her inquiring eyes.

“I’ve been the Archer,” revealed Gwyn, pointing at his antler helmet that declared him King of no Courts. “I’ve been the prey,” he continued on, feeling the roughness of the powerful cape many have died attempting to steal, while others have died for daring to look at it for too long. “Who could ever leave me,” he added on, angling his head closer to hers, indicating his one colored eye. A result of the curse he suffers and shares with the other members of the Wild Hunt. A pack from which one may never leave unscathed or alive. His eyes watered at the corners which only amplified the hues of eyes. His words cut deep and profound. For the first time since she’s known him, she felt him vulnerable, and oh so sexy. She brushed her lips against his and closed her eyes. Her lashes gently scraping Gwyn’s cheeks like butterflies laying on a delicate flower. He pulled back from the embrace to absorb the look on her face. Something he would aim to do for centuries on end. He peered directly into the eyes of her face, also paying attention to the tattoed Koi fish’s eyes as he continued- “,but who could stay?”

Diana was equally moved and couldn’t keep herself from giggling at the Hunter quoting Taylor Swift’s song The Archer, which must have been played heavily that night. She reminded herself to thank Emma for her unitentional favor. A promise of love weighed on each word he sought to share and every touches he landed on her skin. She had to oblige.

“All the King’s horses and all the King’s men, couldn’t put me together again, either Gwyn. Combat. I am ready for combat,” declared Diana as her heart and body were lifted higher into the clouds, out of sight from prying eyes.

In that moment, she let herself be spun into the darkness and all the broken bits of lights fighting their way through. That evening, he showed her the past of his broken bones and she let him foresee the scars in her future. In the present, they found love. It was not for their eyes to see, but it was felt in their hearts the pure courage to start. Broken, but together.

#gwyn ap nudd #diana wrayburn #shadowhunters chronicles #dark artifices #julian blackthorn #emma carstairs #cristina rosales #love #fluff #fanfiction #mine #aaa #archiveourourown #story #roman #new relationship #the archer #lover album #taylorswift

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come-on-shitty-boys · 4 years ago

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//chocolate mornings. akaashi keiji//

Warnings: Your heart may explode from too much fluff

Word Count: 3.3K

Notes: Part 2 because my Wattpad readers were on the verge of murdering me! I would d i e for this family dynamic~

(Single Parent!Doctor!Akaashi x Reader)

*Part 2 of Chocolate Impressions. Read Part 1 HERE*

It was a picture perfect scene: a slumbering home, the only source of light coming from the moon as its rays filtered in through the windows. Katashi was fast asleep in his bed, a stuffed owl held tightly in his arms, tucked in beneath a thick layer of blankets, the love of a father’s kiss still lingering on his forehead. You had been pulled into Akaashi’s chest the minute the two of you had sank into the soft embrace of his mattress. Soft words were shared about each other’s day, plans for tomorrow, plans for the distant future. Short, breathy laughs in an attempt to stay quiet for Katashi’s sake were the only response to small quips and silly stories. Warm kisses and cool wandering touches were soon replaced by quiet “I love you”s and the small sounds of Akaashi’s little snores against your skin. Wrapped in his warm embrace, a final kiss was placed against his skin before allowing yourself to fall victim to sleep’s grasp.

The all too familiar tune singing loudly from Akaashi’s bedside table was the sour note that ended it all. You jolted up, obviously more distraught by the sudden noise than your boyfriend was as he simply buried his head under his pillow with a quiet “No.”

“Keiji, your phone,” you mutter, shaking his shoulder, trying to keep him from falling back asleep.

“I don’t care.”

You reach over him to grab his phone from the table to check the caller ID. Exactly who you expected. “It’s the hospital.”

“I don’t care.”

“Keiji, come on.” You pull the pillow away from him and a heavy groan is the only response as he takes the phone from your hand.

“I’m not on call,” he states plainly, avoiding any sort of pleasantries. You can hear the person on the other end of the line talking rapidly, multiple apologies being uttered in quick succession, and Akaashi can only sigh as he sits up and swings his legs off the edge of the bed. “What’s the point in telling me that I’m off if you’re just going to wake me up anyway? Where’s Ohashi? Or Ichirou?” He runs his hand through his bedridden curls and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I have my son this week. You know that. . . What? It’s two in the morning. I am not waking him up to drag him to a hospital for who knows how many hours. . . No. No. It’s fine. I’ll figure something out.” Akaashi slowly gets up from the bed, stumbling slightly as the fatigue hasn’t quite left his body yet. “Yes. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.” He ends the call and tosses his phone on the bed, his form radiating pure annoyance. “Absolutely ridiculous,” he grumbles, shoving his feet into a pair of slippers to save himself from the chilly hardwood floor. “I guess I need to call Akiyo and see if she can take care of Katashi until I’m done.”

“Why? It’s not like you’re going to be leaving him alone.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this.”

You laugh a little, getting up on your knees to wrap your arms around his neck. “But, I want to.”

He nuzzled his face in your neck, letting his black curls tickle your skin. “You’re going to be such a good step-mom to him someday.”

“I hope so. But, come on. You need to get ready. You have lives to save.” He offers a quiet whine as you pull away from him in order to put on your own slippers. “I’ll get your clothes and get some coffee going, okay?”

Akaashi nods, slumping off to the bathroom to brush his teeth and attempt to wake himself up with a quick cold shower. You padded softly towards the kitchen to start a pot of coffee before going to the laundry room to grab a fresh pair of scrubs from the dryer. Back in the bedroom, you rummaged through his drawers to find him clean boxers and a pair of socks.

A swift knock to the bathroom door is all it takes for Akaashi to pull the door open. He’s holding a towel around his waist as his other hand vigorously tries to towel dry his hair. A soft grin takes over his features as you set his clothes down on the counter. “Thank you, princess,” he says, placing a short kiss on your cheek.

“You’re welcome, Keij. Coffee should be done in a few minutes. Do you want to eat anything before you go?”

“Uh . . . Can you throw a granola bar or something in my bag? I don’t know if I have time to stay and eat.”

You nod and leave him to get dressed in order to go pack his work bag with snacks for his drive. You add a few granola bars and a package of fruit snacks to a Ziploc bag, rummaging through the drawers to find the sticky notes. Snacks for my snacc lol love you - Y/N. You put the sticky note in the bag to make sure it didn’t get lost before placing his snacks in his work bag.

You had just gotten his thermos out of the cabinet as Akaashi came sliding into the kitchen, sock-clad feet propelling him across the tiles. Arms immediately wrap around your waist and a happy hum filters into your ear. “I don’t think you’ve ever been this happy to go in to work. What's wrong with you?” you laugh, reaching up to play with his hair.

“I was just thinking.”

“About what?” You ask, filling the thermos with the freshly brewed coffee, adding a spoon and half of sugar, just how he likes it.

“About how much I like this. Waking up with you. Getting ready with you. I’d be okay with always going in in the middle of the night if it meant more of this.” He nuzzles his nose against your cheek, never wanting this moment to end.

“I think the lack of sleep is making you delirious. You hate having to go in.” You turn around in his embrace. “But, I like this too.” You place a soft kiss on his lips, eagerly returned by your boyfriend. Pulling away, you place a hand on his chest. “You really do need to go though, Keiji.”

“Yeah, I know.” He begrudgingly lets you go so he can go put his shoes on. You follow him to the door, his coffee and bag in your hands, his coat draped over your arm. He stands up, taking his things from you and grabbing his keys from the bowl by the door. “I should be back by the time you and Katashi wake up. I’ll see you soon,” Akaashi says, a quick kiss to your forehead before he rushes out the door.

You turn to go back to bed after watching him back out of the driveway, flipping off any lights that were left on during the franticness of this early morning. Between the thick blankets and what little warmth remained on Akaashi’s side of the bed, it didn’t take long for exhaustion to start to weigh your eyelids down.

Fresh sunlight and the sounds of something clattering to the ground brought you quickly from your deep slumber. A sigh left your lips as your eyes fell to the empty spot on the bed next to you, sheets still crumpled from his early start. You get out of bed, making your way to the kitchen only to stop completely in your tracks to fully take in the scene in front of you.

Katashi was perched on top of one of the dining room chairs so he could get a better look into the kitchen cabinets. A frying pan had been tossed to the ground, likely the source of noise that had yanked you from sleep’s loving embrace. “Katashi, what are you doing?” You ask slowly.

“Making pancakes,” he stated plainly as if the answer should’ve been obvious to you.

“Why?”

“Because Dad and I always have pancakes for breakfast. But, he’s at work, so I was going to make them so they’d be ready when he got back.” Katashi jumped down from the chair, the box of pancake mix in his hands.

You pick up the pan and bowl from the floor, setting them on the counter before taking the mix and putting it back in the cabinet. Taking in his defeated expression, you give him a warm smile. “Why don’t we make your dad some special pancakes?”

“Special pancakes?”

“Yeah. Like, not from a box. We’ll make them from scratch.”

“We can do that?”

“Yes,” you laugh, grabbing the needed ingredients. “Do you like chocolate chips in yours?”

“Yeah, but Dad doesn’t.”

“I forgot he was weird and didn’t like chocolate chip pancakes.” You scrunch up your features, making Katashi laugh. “Okay, I need a scoop and a half of flour,” you say, handing the boy the measuring cup before busying yourself with measuring out the other dry ingredients.

Katashi dumps a heaping scoop in the bowl, creating puffs of flour, dusting his dark hair. He giggles happily, staring at you with those same sleepy eyes that his father had. You never took the time to really look at his son, a near perfect carbon copy of the man that you’d fallen in love with. It almost looked like someone had plucked Akaashi from his baby photos and stuck him in front of you. “Why are you staring at me?”

“You just look so much like your dad,” you sigh, turning back to finish adding ingredients to the batter.

“That’s what Gran says too.” Katashi slides the bowl over to himself, taking the spoon and stirring everything together. “She’s always showing me pictures of Dad when he was my age. It’s so boring,” he whined.

“It does get a little old, doesn’t it?”

“You’ve seen them too?”

“So many times,” you laugh. “The first time I ever met your gran, I thought we were going to be there all night. She just kept pulling out photo album after photo album. I didn’t think she was ever going to stop.”

“What’d you do?”

“Your dad was super embarrassed and wanted it to end just as much as I did. I think he made some excuse about having work the next day when we all knew he didn’t.”

Katashi laughs, leaning into your side as you separate some batter out for Akaashi’s boring pancakes. Your breath catches in your throat when you feel his arms wrap around your waist. Your hand goes down to run your fingers through his curls, a small smile finding its home on your lips. Any reservations you previously had about your relationship with Katashi and your role in his future were quickly erased. It already felt like you had been a part of his life for years and you couldn’t have wished for a better start. “Hey, hold out your hand,” you say, poking his cheek softly.

“What? Why?” He asks, looking up at you.

“Just do it.”

Katashi cautiously holds out the hand that wasn’t hugging your waist out towards you, bouncing in excitement as you shake some chocolate chips into his hand. “Dad never lets me do this!”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” You wink down at his smiling face and pop a few of the chocolate pieces in your own mouth, dumping what’s left in the batter.

The sound of a car engine whirring and cutting out is the interruption to the perfect morning. A loud beep as a door is locked has Katashi ripping away from you to greet his father at the door. A tired smile complimented even more exhausted eyes as Akaashi knelt down to embrace his son. “What smells so good?” You hear Akaashi ask as he stands up.

“Mom and I made pancakes!” Katashi exclaims, grabbing his dad’s hands and dragging him towards the kitchen.

“Mom? Why is your mom here?” Keiji stumbles into the kitchen behind his son, fully expecting to see his ex-wife sitting at the dining table with the glare that she always greeted him with nestled on her face. But instead, he was greeted with your sleepy features as you set the table, divvying up steaming pancakes between the plates. You had flour dusting the front of your t-shirt, a smile causing your eyes to crinkle when you looked up and saw him in the doorway. His confusion settled into a softer expression as he stared at the perfect morning unfolding in front of him. Absolutely beautiful.

“Huh?” Katashi asks, looking up at Akaashi. “Oh. Sorry, I meant Y/N.” The boy just shrugged, letting go of Akaashi and sitting down in front of one of the plates, digging into the pile of pancakes that you had placed onto his plate.

Akaashi set his things down and let you wrap your arms around him. A short peck on the lips and sleepy smiles were exchanged. “How was everything?” You ask, running a gentle thumb over the small purple bruises on his cheeks, a side effect of the long hours of his surgical mask digging into his face.

“Six hours in the OR for an emergency CABG," he sighed, his hands trailing along your sides.

"Six hours? Isn't that a little long?"

"Yeah. It was a pretty nasty blockage, but it's bypassed and he should be back on his feet in a few days."

"And that's why you're the best," you say, a soft smile giving him any reassurance he could've possibly needed. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving. My 'snacks for my snacc' wore off quite a while ago," he teased, poking your sides, making you blush as you squirm away from him. He laughed, letting you pull him over to the table to join Katashi for pancakes. "Alright, Katashi. Who's pancakes are better? Mine," Akaashi pauses, giving his son an exaggerated nod. "Or Y/N's?" He shakes his head, making a disgusted face which is quickly replaced by a look of hurt as you smack his thigh.

Katashi giggles, shoving the last bit of pancake in his mouth. "Y/N's, for sure. She should come over every time I'm here!" He finished his glass of orange juice and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. "May I be excused?"

"Depends. How do you spell 'because?'" Akaashi asks, not looking up from his plate.

Katashi groaned, slinking down in his chair. "That's not fair. You know I'm not good at that one! Pick something else!"

"Okay. Spell 'choledocholithiasis.'" Akaashi smirks, now looking at the shock on his son's face. "What? You wanted a different word!"

"Something I would know!"

"Your options are 'because' or 'choledocholithiasis.' I know what I'd pick," Akaashi shrugs, take a bite of his pancakes.

"Okay, Doc, we get it. You know how to spell coal-docter-antithesis," you say, rolling your eyes, Katashi laughing as you poke fun at his father.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Y/N. Katashi, how about 'today?'"

"Ooh! I know that one! T-o-d-a-y!"

"Very good. You're excused."

"Yes!" Katashi jumps up from his seat, setting his plate in the sink. "Thank you for breakfast!" He gave you and Akaashi quick hugs before running off to his room.

"You make him spell to leave the table?"

Akaashi shrugs. "Not always. Sometimes he has to do an easy math problem. It may seem a little . . . Much, but it helps him retain what he learns."

"Well, I think it's nice that you care so much about his school work," you say, rubbing his shoulder as you sit back in your chair.

"Thank you." He smiled, reaching for your hand.

His thumb runs over your knuckles, a shaky inhale catching your attention. "You tired?"

"Yeah. It's been a long morning,” he sighs, running his free hand through his messy hair.

"Go back to bed, Keiji. You need some rest."

He nodded, stifling a yawn, but rather than getting up to heed your advice, Akaashi takes a deep breath, turning in his seat to face you. "But, not right now. I want to talk to you about something."

Akaashi watches as your eyes widen slightly, feeling your hand start to shake a little as you’re suddenly caught off guard. "Is this about Katashi liking my pancakes better? He just wanted-" The sound of his laughter cuts you off.

"No. This isn't about that.” He takes a moment in an attempt to compose himself, a few stray chuckles escaping as he tries to continue. “I was thinking about this morning. The whole time I was at work, it was all I could think about. Well, not all I could think about, but you know what I mean. I just- maybe it's silly, but I genuinely enjoy having you there with me every time I get called in. Before, I always had to do it all by myself, which is fine, of course. I don't expect you to get up and help me, but you do, and I want more of that and I want more of this,” he says, giving your hand a light squeeze. “Seeing you this morning, I realized just how happy I am when you're here. And Katashi, he really likes you. I don't know if you heard, but he called you 'mom' earlier and-" Akaashi pauses, the wide smile on his face saying everything for him. He was completely exhausted, the lack of sleep tearing down his normal quiet demeanor, letting all of his emotions flow from his mouth like a waterfall.

"I love you and I don't think I could ever say it enough for you to know just how much I do." He stopped again, patting his pockets with his hands. "Hang on." He gets up and starts rummaging through one of the kitchen drawers. "I know I put it in here somewhere. . . When did I buy this?" He pauses, holding up a small little kitchen timer that looked like a penguin. He just shrugs, setting it down next to the stove. “Did I really put it all the way back there?” He grumbles, leaning over to get a better look into the back of the drawer. “Oh, wait. There it is! Come here,” he says, taking something and hiding it in his hand. He's practically bouncing like a little kid on a sugar high as he pulls you to stand with him in the middle of the kitchen floor. "This isn't exactly how I planned on doing this and I get the middle of my kitchen isn't the most romantic place, but-" Akaashi’s quick words are cut off by your lips pressed against his, hands holding his face, the feeling of your body melding perfectly against his.

"Keiji, it's okay," you whisper, a calm smile soothing his nerves.

"Thank you," he whispers; a second kiss, shorter, less intimate than the first, but still carrying the same amount of complete adoration for you. Akaashi breaks away, kneeling down in front of you. He holds a delicate ring in one hand, your hand with the other. "I know this is probably not how you imagined this moment. Honestly, it's not how I imagined it either, but," Akaashi takes a deep breath, meeting your eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep more pronounced in the poor lighting. "I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you, even if it is at stupid hours in the morning. I want to come home to you making pancakes with our son. I want to talk about you to the others in the OR, but not just as my girlfriend, as my wife. So, what I'm trying to say is that I love you and I love that in such a small amount of time, you've made my family become our family." He smiles, his sleepy eyes filled with nothing but love for you and everything the two of you had built together.

"Will you marry me?"

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