#then i designed another kid that i lost their design -cries- and im not sure if i should actually add them???

[head---ache]

Dude I actually have SO many discarded fankid designs like Emmie has gone by three different friend groups and even for the current lineup there have been some forgotten kiddos you guys actually have no idea how many fankids I've designed NSKXBSKXBKX

[hhjs]

forget me not.

♡ based on — "During times of war. I want to say: I only love you, And I cling you, Like the peel clings to a pomegranate, Like the tear clings to the eye, Like the knife clings to the wound." and the song nightlife by daydream masi.

♡ summary  —   Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

wherein, putting your heart on the line for the sake of doing favours isn’t a frequent component in your schedule. But what happens when this favour is asked for by the boy you may or may not have fancied for far too long?

 You accept it. 

 For a very embarrassing reason, really, which is — you think Hwang Hyunjin needs you.

♡ pairing— hwang hyunjin x reader

♡ word count— 8.8k whoopsies

♡ genre and alternate universe — angst, fluff + hanahaki au.

♡ author's note— this was supposed to be a drabble and then i sort of lost my fucking mind ehe...also this is easily the worst thing i have ever written im so sorry aaa but this is a lil present from my end hahaha

♡ warnings— suggestive content, vomiting, mention of blood. allusions to depression and heartbreak.

Amongst other things, you're extremely bad at saying 'no'. You don't mean the word per se...but the underlying connotation of this very monosyllable which may come at the expense of letting another person down.

It's sort of stupid, you understand, your friends have constantly voiced their worries for your extremely complacent nature more often than you'd think actually. But it all goes over your head. See — old habits really do die hard.

When you're eight, this very defect takes you to dreadful saxophone lessons your mum spoke so highly of. When you're 15, it gets you called to the principal's office for flashing Jeongin trigonometric functions in Mister Choi's pop quiz, when you're older, things are definitely no different.

The passenger seat is occupied, Hyunjin's holding a tangled muffler to his suede jacket clad chest. At 21, he's become someone you used to know. A friend of a friend, Felix's to be very specific. But the man in question, who was supposed to be his ride, passes off this duty for kegstands and you just happen to be the designated driver for the night, shuffling Jisung beside Changbin and Chan, who claims to be 'sober' even though he's half asleep.

Hyunjin is uncharacteristically quiet.

There's a polite smile on rendered your way as your eyes meet. A small curvature along his plump bottom lip, tighter around the edges. Still this simple formality is so beautiful that you feel something inside you come alive.

When Jisung starts snoring, you flip on the radio and Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here comes on.

Your fingers feel numb when they come to tap out a rhythm to the track. It's nice. Tingling guitar riffs swelling, David Gilmour's gruffy voice pours in from faulty speakers. The more the song progresses, the more you find yourself attempting to think about anything that will distract you from the boy beside you, in the flesh no less.

So late at night, the main road is eerily silent. Cobblestones reflecting the sound of tires thumping against its layout, streetlights blinking at you from their drooping heads. Across the street, a baker is tucking away leftover bread and buskers are packing up their beat up guitars, a man in his late 50's pulling his blanket to his nose as he rests a head full of gray hair on the cold pavement.

You glance at Hyunjin from the corner of your eye and find that his staggering smile has completely disappeared. Now there's a distant glaze in his eyes. It's like he's here, in this moment, with you, but at the same time, he's somewhere else.

Under the impression you've done something wrong, you immediately begin to panic. But the thing is, you don't actually know if you should ask. Would it constitute as crossing a line if you had anyway?

Hyunjin covers his mouth with a sleeve, muffled retching building beyond fabric.

The reasonable assumption is obvious. It's not abnormal to be nauseous when you've got one too many drinks in you. He motions for you to pull over, incoherent sentences practically melding together, words forming and dissipating between choking fits.

You scramble to dig out a bottle of mineral water you habitually deposit in the glove compartment, offering him the tissue first. Ears perking up in satisfaction when a garbled thanks escapes his parted lips. But then... something weird happens.

As your eyes flicker to unintentionally glance at the contents discarded on the pitch grey sidewalk, you freeze in your seat.

You were never a big believer of superstition, not someone who buys into myths only meant for the fiction genre. Sure, you can be gullible sometimes...but what's happening falls no way under the realistic category.

The lethal Hanahaki disease, only inherited by some unlucky descendants, every moment in your head prior to this one, was something that's obviously non existent.

Yet... there's so much blood, too much blood attesting to your blatant ignorance. The petals are of a white rose, smudging together in swirls of grotesque crimson in mimicry of a sheen of red sticking to the inner corners of his lips. It has happened before, you can tell, from just how unsurprised he looks.

Hyunjin's stare flits to commit every detail of your to memory, in what only seems a quick study of gauging your forthcoming reaction, though even before you can produce a coherent thought, he says,

"You can't tell anyone." His voice drops a few octaves as though he's afraid your snoring friends in the back might've noticed. "Please."

Hyunjin's face softens by the slightest, contrary to his firm demand, there lies a desperation you couldn't overlook.

In retrospect, what you're about to tell is ultimately a promise that'd come back to bite you in due time. However, see now, you're extremely bad at saying no. Somehow you're even worse when it comes to Hyunjin. So you blink, turn the radio off and say,

"Okay."

—

The pool is preheated. For that you're most thankful.

Frankly, you couldn't imagine what it'd be like being pushed into a chilly body of water mid winter. Not that it's pleasant otherwise, you can't swim.

Well at 15, you hadn't quite learned to. The other kids have scurried inside to hog freshly baked Snowman biscuits Seungmin's mum is renowned for.

Then and you think you'll never quite forget it, Hyunjin's wearing an orange power ranger t shirt, it's darker now that it's wet, his glasses are marked with uneven splatters. His face scrunches up at the sudden splash of wetness engulfing his body. He wasn't planning to get in the water.

"Hold on tight." He says, wounding your arms around his neck, your calves tighter to his sides to support your shivering body. Back then Hyunjin's hair was black, cropped short and swept to the side, he smells like fabric softener and skittles. A water donut is discarded in the middle of the pool.

Everybody you know and don't know, from the birth of superheroes stuck in comic books to valiant protagonists behind fuzzy television screens, has this inherent desire to be saved. From the world, from themselves. No, no, it doesn't have to be a grand gesture, swooping them off of their feet from the grasp of surly men in dark alleys, sometimes it's really just simple. Sometimes people save you in the most ordinary way there is.

The weight of your form on his bright pink water donut while he stood on his toes to merely rest his elbows so the item wouldn't flip, a small act, certified this very claim, had not the nimble touch of his cold fingers, brushing away wet hair from your face, to anxiously ask if you're okay met the purpose. He talks to you like the sound of his voice has the power to injure you.

You nod slowly. Like this, it feels like you're going to be.

Hyunjin pouts, looking perfectly unconvinced. He paddles the pair of you to steel stairs spiraling into the pool, so he can stand without just his nose peeking out of the water, he looks at you once again, a wrinkle between his dark, arched eyebrows and says solemnly, "Jisung's such an idiot sometimes, isn’t he?"

But isn't he your friend? You want to ask. Something stops you though —his tone tells you you aren't the only one to fall victim to Jisung's practical jokes. Not that they were offensive or anything. Han Jisung, the same person who twiddles his thumbs when he wants the last chicken nugget and cries every time you watch Howl's Moving Castle together, genuinely doesn't mean any harm. It's just that...when he's comfortable with people, who aren't many, he tends to do a lot of dumb things. Dumb, endearing things that Minho will kill him for someday.

"A little bit," You mumble under your breath. Heat rising to your face at the possibility of Hyunjin being concerned for you. He sounds almost angry. "Thanks by the way."

It's rather pitiful to remember. Because with time, Hyunjin's world becomes so big that your interaction stands to be too insignificant to not forget. Before you know it, he's the shooting guard of your school's basketball team, just a handsome face who dates better girls, makes better friends. It's superficial and a little sad.

No, no, a little sad is an understatement actually.

To see someone you understood intimately, a boy who always described details too much just to stray from the main story, a boy with too many emotions bubbling to an awfully animated surface; someone who was passionate, sensitive and so nauseatingly big hearted...change into a man who is indubitably untouchable...is tragic. At least.

Yet funnily enough — you can't quite imagine a world without Hwang Hyunjin. His ringing laughter rippling through loud ambiences, his distant humming of Christmas carols whilst he absently skimmed through spines of children's novels and his eyes glimmering in adoration whenever he spoke of something he loved — Without him, you imagine, there would be a massive deficiency in your world, in the world. Like if birthday cakes came with the biggest slice carved out.

Hyunjin grins, a big sort of candid grin that turns his eyes into upturned crescents. His previous temperament long forgotten. Suddenly, this utterly atrocious happening seems to not be so bad. Suddenly you don't mind that Jisung is an idiot sometimes.

"Of course."

—

Hyunjin is not perfect. Hyunjin is no prince charming.

People don't know this. They don't understand this.

He ends up paying for dinner when he's out with a big crowd even though they were supposed to split the bill, he ends up crying when he gets angry and he is an abysmal liar, in every sense of the phrase. Hardly ever succeeding to hide his emotions when he should. When he was a kid his parents reminded him that it's a good thing to be unapologetically himself, that being honest is a good thing.

But as your eyes meet from across an ocean of people quagmired by crunchy leaves, sticky remnants of rain and his ex girlfriend who he now claims to be okay with being friends with, on her toes to poke his cheek whilst Chan's arm wraps around her waist, the soft white roses ornamented on a bow she loves wearing all the time, he thinks it's far from an agreeable trait to have.

Actually whilst you balance a newspaper under your arm and bring your coffee to your lips, it's like you're looking through him, past his skin, his flesh, something secret inscribed on his bones, embedded into his soul. You know everything, you know everything, you know everything.

The thought itself... surprisingly enough, doesn't appal him.

Hyunjin raises his palm in the air, feeling the autumn prickling against his skin. He waves at you.

—

Working at a library can be taxing. But it sure has its perks.

You can just about turn the place upside down and put it all back together without getting in trouble. Albeit another reason, besides your profession could be that Minho owns the place. Frankly, he may or may not have been the only cause behind your employment. It's hard to tell now that your co-workers really do recognise you've a knack for arranging things.

But to you, your job is very personal. A precious thing which relieves you from various worldly tensions. Velvety spines under your roughened fingertips, the burst of minted pages hitting your face every time you walk in, your love for reading, for a world of stories is so immense that you think you wouldn't have traded it even if your life depended on it.

For a disease that's not very well known, it's ironic how an entire section of mythology is dedicated to it. Past closing hours, amongst many novels mounted on your desk, you fixate on the one that made most sense. There's a few things you've picked up in common from all of them though — the hanahaki disease is extremely rare, it doesn't affect all those who suffer from the qualms of unrequited love.

Possible remedy according to findings entail

growths can be surgically removed, if the patient consents to eradication of memories of their loved ones.

Clanking of keys alerts incoming and you pause your tapping pen to look up.

"Burning the midnight oil, are we?"

Minho leans against the doorframe, he's half yawning, half talking and fully concerned for you.

"Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be a while." Your monotonous tone provides that you are not paying a lot of attention. You blurt without looking up. "Are you leaving?"

"No, still haven't finished archiving for that Pfizer project...But I'm going to get a bite to eat..." His inky eyes remain on you as his tone falters, "You want anything?"

"I'm fine. Thanks."

"Wow you're like...really uh invested." He tilts his head in thought, "You seeing someone again?"

You know Minho long enough to know he has a teasing side to him, from diaper days to play dates ending in pillow fights because he kept offering you his last Pringle just to pop it into his stupid smirking mouth — but you have no idea where he's going with this.

So you look up, finally. Furrowing your brows.

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

He shrugs, "I haven't seen you concentrate so hard since you dumped Jeongin."

Your right eye twitches. Because you know exactly what he's referring to, and simultaneously, for the sake of your well-being, you much prefer being in denial. "What?"

"C'mon. Remember how you always ended up doing his homework?" He reminds you. "It's like when you like someone, you go out of your way to do charitable stuff for them. But...this? Too much. Even for you."

You ignore Minho's comment. To the world, Hwang Hyunjin's place in your life is not significant. After all this is the most natural undulation in the vicissitudes of life — for someone who once was your friend to eventually drift apart, to become a has been. It's too hard to explain why you care. After all this time.

"I was just being nice." You narrow your eyes, unimpressed. "Clearly this concept is lost on some people."

"Sure you are, bud. If being 'nice' is synonymous with whipped." Of course, there's a smug grin gracing his pouted lips that tempts you to fling something at him. Not that you can though. Seeing as Minho breaks out into a full fledged sprint, his singsongy voice a thinning echo bouncing off of shelves and windows and doors.

Still somehow his footsteps manage to travel through walls, permeating into your office with such great amplitude that you could be bamboozled into thinking he hasn't left at all. Or maybe you've stopped paying attention, your eyes zoom in on any other helpful detail you can put to use in wrapping your head around what you have witnessed firsthand.

At the same time, you can't really ignore how hungry you're feeling just from the mention of a bite to eat. So when Minho's shadow forms again on the page you've been 'reading' for the last few seconds you sense a gigantic wave of relief washing over you.

"You know what I changed my—" slamming the book shut, you blink against scanty provision of light, with raise your head and a bleary vision, recognise him in an instant. Except...it isn't Minho. "mind..."

The only source of brightness is a small emerald lamp perched on the corner of your desk, light green catches onto one of the ornamented corners and speckles of golden caress his supple skin gently. You hadn't realised how cold it might've been outside until you see how heavily dressed Hyunjin was, a long overcoat worn over woollen sweater, a Santa hat and muffler pulled to his chin. It's no one other than your boss himself who has given him directions to your office, you know this, Hyunjin has never been inside before.

So when he marvels absently, you sense yourself feeling a little self conscious about not cleaning up. All around you, a comforter and love seat pushed against the window, cigarette butts discarded in ashtray and then...the books strewn before you tell him you practically live here.

For some reason, Hyunjin only seems to loosen up at the spectacle.

"Hi." He says finally.

"Hi..." you arrange the reading materials quickly to one side so you can rest your elbows. A small (successful) attempt made to hide your research. "Something up?" You say, but what you really mean is, what are you doing here?!

Did he suspect you were going to tell on him? Right that's it, that must be it, you tell yourself, believing, knowing, of all the years Hwang Hyunjin has known of you he has never been one to care about your whereabouts.

"I just...um," He starts, forwarding his mitten clad hands. It's the back of a crumpled coffee cup on which straight handwriting reads a bucket list...of sorts. You immediately understand that his coming is an act of impulse. Urgency of living every moment like it's slipping through it's fingers, that he just needed to tell the only person who knows, be it by accident.

Hyunjin clears his throat. "I wanna do all this before I die."

In lieu of giving an instant response, baffled, you gawp at him. Despite knowing, hearing Hyunjin say it out loud somehow makes everything...too real.

It's as though someone's reached inside your throat, pulled your heart out and crushed it with their bare hands. Hyunjin, the boy who smelled like fabric softener and skittles and wore power ranger shirts, the boy with the fantastic smile and cold fingers, is dying. You won't let him. You can't let him.

You thumb along the numbers scribbled in hasty penmanship, look up and blink rapidly, "Okay," you say, a small whisper, barely there words. "That's okay."

Even with the hat covering tips of ears, you could tell the same faint blush coating his cheeks had rushed to that particular area. His eyes drift off to the sight of pens discarded inside a wooden holder because he can feel your gaze on him. "and I...I need your help."

"Alright."

Hyunjin's eyes widen to a great degree, he sits straighter, as if he hadn't expected you to comply so quickly.

And honestly? Neither had you.

It's quiet. Awkward.

"You know it's not like I haven't thought about dying. I just figured I'd get to grow old first, settle down, have kids and all that," A wry laugh escapes his parted lips. "Everything's happening too fast."

You hesitate, thinking he's making a mistake. Frankly he shouldn't feel obligated to give you an explanation.

"You...you don't have to tell me."

"No—I mean...can I?" He gives you a sheepish look, disliking his own whimsical tone, somehow endearing still. You find yourself wondering how long he had to keep his burdens to himself, not just pertaining to his illness, but everything. His dreams, his hopes, his fears. Anything which requires a certain amount of depth. And you almost ask him, the question sitting at the tip of your tongue, yet the realisation rather simple, stops you. Maybe you've mistranslated 21 year old Hyunjin all along — moulding himself into someone who's convenient around people who only liked him for who he appeared to be, maybe even with all that popularity, parties and glamour, he's just...lonely.

You push your reading glasses into your hair, press your knuckles under your chin and hum in consent.

He shifts in his seat, "Have you ever... been in love?"

You release an amused huff. Let your eyes linger on him for a long minute.

"Once."

Hyunjin half expects you to laugh. Poke fun at him for his melodramatic backstory. That's the sole reason why he doesn't tell his friends (funny, for people he considers close, they seem to know not much about him or care to know, that is. ). But you... you look at him with something in your eyes that tells him the rubbish reasons he posited makes all the sense in the world. Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

—

 Midnight rendezvous.

As someone who has lived a fairly extraordinary life, Hwang Hyunjin's bucket list is bafflingly ordinary. He's more of a finding joy in small things kind of a person, punctilious at best.

Things change. People notice. They hesitate, whisper about you and last night while you were out on last minute cheap wine run, the grocerer, a girl who looks around sixteen asks you if you're dating Hyunjin. Underneath the thinly veiled curiousity, there's something like anger dripping from her words.

You furrow your eyebrows in simple insinuation that it's weird for a stranger to take interest in your life. Maybe it was written on your face, the fact that you're a dying man's beck and call is for reasons far more complicated than it looks.

You go to his parties. Greet him as a friend would and not just for the sake of maintaining formalities. He comes to the library more times than he does, waits for you to get off work so you can check something off the list at least. People notice. People understand. Hyunjin's different around you. He's bright, talkative when he forgets to contain himself. You sense your heart swelling with pride just at the understanding that he can be himself around you.

You drive to the beach, sit in your trunk and drink straight out of the bottle.

Hyunjin laughs a little. Suspends his feet in the air. With time, he's gotten paler, exhausted. "Rough day?"

You hum.

"Very. Our children's collection is usually low in stock around the weekends."

Hyunjin crosses his arms over his chest. Curious.

"And?"

"And if I say I got yelled at by a toddler would you believe me?"

Hyunjin feigns contemplation, even with the realisation that his body is becoming less and less cooperative, he manages to remain perfectly cheerful.

"I can actually," he grins, "At that age, I was a real pain in the ass."

"Were?"

Your smile is just a slight curl against the bottle's mouth as he grumbles under his breath about your 'insensitive' remark.

You think of your life after Hyunjin, think of his absence like a gaping hole you'll never be able to fill out. It makes you sick to your stomach.

—

Bake something from scratch.

Hyunjin's face twists in apparent thought, eyebrows rising. A pink tongue poked against his cheek, whilst he chews carefully, trying really hard not to flash an accidental reaction whilst you clasp your butter and oat flour soiled hands together, some of the batter on your cheek, neck to anticipate his answer like your will to live depends on it.

You ask yourself how it got to this. Why you didn't care that you were awake so early on a Sunday morning with flour powdering every kitchen appliance in sight in spite of being awfully restrictive about who you let into your kitchen. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because it's nice like this.

Hyunjin has his hair pulled away from his bare face, a mole under his eye, a small birthmark on the back of his ear.

When you first met, you thought he was a kind of handsome that couldn't be real. Something formidable about it. Only destined to exist behind fuzzy television screens and flashy magazines.

But in retrospect, you realise, that that's not true at all. 

If you look close enough, if you really pay attention, there's a softness underneath, something goofy, something warm, the sharp jut of his nose circling into a soft button, his eyes are big, black and his mouth jutted out into a natural pout, he looks innocent, like he doesn't quite realise the extent of his charms.

"It's..." His soft voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you look up to find his eyes glimmering jovially. Every time it surprises you, the lack of regret in them and the abundance of nonchalance. You wonder what it means to love someone like that, to love someone to the point of martyrdom. It shouldn't be like this. "perfect,"

"This is like, the only batch we didn't burn, right?"

You snort, "Yeah." Fully turn to him, "You know what they say, fifth time's the charm."

Hyunjin's laugh, you think, is so contagious that it makes it an imperative to smile in return. In shaky compartments the sound comes, like being 8, laying wide-eyed in a paddling pool and staring up at a crayon blue sky, raindrop rippling beyond all that noiseless water. His eyes curve to upturned crescents, an unconscious hand covering up the seams of his lips whilst he shakes his head. You don't even notice when he starts speaking again.

"Huh?"

"I said you got a little...something..."

You almost lose a fraction of your sanity when his nimble fingers come to wrap around your wrist while you hold onto the spatula employed into the whole snickerdoodle batter mixing business, a liberated hand coming up to gently wipe your cheek. It means everything to you. And nothing to him.

Later, when you're alone at night, really alone, you put your palm to your chest and feel the unsteady beat of your heart. A warning, a reminder. I can't. I can't. I can't.

—

You hold Hyunjin's hair up. His hands resting on the cold toilet seat, he's whimpering and bleeding. It happens every time he sees Haseul, or something which reminds him of her. Like the song.

This time she's drunk. And it's because she impulsively rises to her toes and presses a tender kiss to Chan's lips.

Hyunjin's just a feet away, across students and solo cups and streaks of neon falling irregularly through his line of sight.

He can never confess, not to her. The last thing Hyunjin wants is for her to feel bad for him. To say she feels the same as an act of service. He tells you. You understand. Somehow... you always understand.

They met in college, Hyunjin and she. And Chan was an upperclassman who seemed to be good at...well everything. At first, he couldn't figure out why it never occured to him before, the fact they were getting together maybe before, after or during the length of their relationship.

Though the answer is simple.

Hyunjin thinks the pillar to good relationships is trust. Call him a sappy romantic or whatever but he had seen true love manifest from it through generations before him and his parents and their parents. To think a different fate was woven for him...used to be unimaginable.

How ironic is that?

Hyunjin presses his cheek against your chest because he doesn't want you to look at him when he cries.

Then for the first time....he tells you he's scared. He's scared of what will happen to him. Of what is happening to him.

He's falling apart.

You cradle him, press him closer to your body like you're trying to put him together. People can't fix each other. Not really. But sometimes... they're worth the try.

"Hey...hey...it's alright," You shush him, run your fingers through his hair. Your voice almost breaking, faltering. Still this, this you mean it with every fibre of your being. "It's okay to be scared."

—

Self bleach hair.

It's Christmas and you're late for a late night dinner he's putting together. (As reluctant as he was about getting along with Hyunjin, he seems all too eager to make invite him whenever a get together takes effect.)

His apartment smells like floor cleaner. There's a queen sized bed pushed against an electric blue wall, a Fleetwood Mac poster taped to his door, small reading desk where Canon EOS New Kiss rests, polaroids of things checked off the list littered all its wooden surface.

You pick up the only photo he hasn't labelled, it reminds you that your friendship isn't just based off a pursuit. This is natural. Pizza box discarded between you two, on your roof top. It's a little too dark, you're holding a cigarette between your fingers, you're laughing and Hyunjin looks like he's going to complain the minute he's done taking the picture. (And he does.)

You smile, pressing your fingers against it like the touch could transport you to a simpler time.

"Ready to go?"

Hyunjin rakes a tentative hand through his newly dyed hair, grey (a suitable colour he says.). You can tell he's put a lot of effort into cleaning up, his usual hoodies and sweats alternated with a red satin shirt tucked into dark dress pants and a coat of the same colour.  Hyunjin is beautiful. Perhaps even more like this. In fact, the extent of this quality is so Goliath-like that it obliges dolled up attendees to marvel up in awe.  While you fully agree with their unsaid ponderings, you really do, you find yourself missing a less sophisticated version of him. 

"Yeah, but first..." you fish out a wrapped squarish material from the depths of your pocket. Hyunjin's eyes widen, two bunny-like teeth showing for the extent of his grin.

"You got me a present!" He all but rips it out of your hand, shaking the material eagerly. He’s a Christmas person, a supreme holiday enthusiast if you will. The sheer excitement in him projects itself in every physical aspect possible. Slight jumping on the balls of his feet. "It's a cassette...?"

You speak too much, nervous he doesn't like it. "It’s a Christmas mix. I thought...since you like carols. I know it's a little old school, I'm sorry if that’s not what you were hoping for—"

Hyunjin pulls you into a big hug, wrapping his entire body it feels like; his arms around your waist, he squeezes you tighter against him, "Thank you." He whispers into your hair, it's not just about the cassette, you can tell. 

There's a small light bulb dangling from his ceiling, he hasn't fixed it since the first time you pointed it out. You can tell with your eyes closed, you've begun to know more intimately than your own home. It's safe here. A place that deludes you into thinking that he's not running out of time, that even in his absence in the world, whenever you should walk into this room, it would be an imperative to find Hyunjin lazying about in its confines. Familiarity can be quite tricky, can't it?

His gratitude is not unknown to you. It's in the guilty smile that threatens to show every now and then, it's in this and it's in that. In many ways, it is not something you're a stranger to.

And yet the words manage to tears your heart at the seams. Just a little.

—

 Make a snow angel.

From above, he imagines, he may appear to look like a chunk of cookie dough in an ice cream pint.

The snow is not as comfortable as it appears, its frigid temperature seeps into Hyunjin's clothes (and what feels like his internal organs, if that's even possible). He waves his hands and legs inward, outward.

Your head tilts towards him. Face twisted in annoyance. "You're getting on my wing!" You say. "Have you no respect for personal space?!"

Hyunjin narrows his eyes jovially. And people tell him he's the one with a penchant for theatrics. He leans closer in rebuttal, waving his leg around your design with more purpose.  You give up. Sit on your knees, fumble with the snow. He’s still in the same position. Smug as ever...

"This is what happens when you disrespect your elders." He fake-warns. "Oka—"

What he doesn't anticipate, however, is the snowball you launch on his stupid grinning face. Now it's your turn to laugh. You clutch your stomach and point at him whilst he glares at you having barely managed to blow the snow off of his mouth.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

You let out an animalistic screech, Hyunjin’s already trapped you under his weight, his thighs wound around your waist, hamstringing your plan to escape, now you're merely squirming. His fingers come down to attack your sides, digging into the flesh so mercilessly to the point you’re not sure if you’re laughing or crying. It's like there's a wildfire inside your lungs.

For a moment you forget, you let yourself forget what's to come.

“Alright, alright I’m sorry!” you press your palms against his chest in an attempt to push him off, Hyunjin has a dumb smile on his face that seems to give the impression of a hanger  stuck inside his mouth. But... there's something behind his entertainment as the sound of his laugh dies down, chest heaving with exercise. His smile drops.

You can count each lash, each freckle and line on his face. The dark in his eyes. The pink of his lips. Your sweater's ridden to your ribs. And the warmth of his fingers shifting against your bare skin hits you with an earthshattering force.

Hyunjin kisses you. For a fleeting second, you freeze. Rigid with shock. Then it passes as soon as it comes.

 You let out a noise of content,indubitably grateful that your neighbours forgot to put on their porch light for the night.  See it’s like this, the act of kissing is not as special as is the person himself, you muse, you can kiss anyone, you can touch and be touched by anyone. But none of that truly compares to this. Not when they aren't him.

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about it. Just like you’ve thought about a lot of things. But just the realisation that the boy you’ve harboured in your heart for more complicated reasons than you disclose, to yourself even, touches you with so, so much care...it’s tearing you apart. 

It’s too good to be real.

You suddenly push him away. The tugging and pulling at your heart too much to handle. For the fact remains — Hyunjin doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. You never expected him to. Actually, you've never felt what you feel with that condition in mind either.

See when the feeling of having everything you could ever want is cradled between your palms...it ought to be hard to let go. (Maybe he’s just doing this because he feels bad for you, the little voice in your head says. You listen.)

Hyunjin speaks up first.

“I love Haseul.”  he tells you, but it sounds more like he’s telling himself. “That’s why...that’s why, all this...I love her.” Not you.

You swallow, “I know.” Your hands come up to dust your pants. Hyunjin’s still on his knees, as if the answer to his conflicts are deposited under all the snow. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done—”

Now you hear it, the hint of pity in his voice. You don’t mean to sound as bitter as you do. Seeing as you’re usually very good at keeping calm , breaking that very reputed front frustrates you even more.

“Look just forget about it, okay? We don’t have to talk about this.”

Hyunjin looks like he didn’t expect this side of you to exist. At least, you think, at least it got him to stop talking.

—

Learn to skate.

"If I fall, I'm taking you with me."

"You say it like I have a choice."

Hyunjin shoots you a warning glare even though you can't see. His choppy skidding steps supported by the vice grip he has on your arms. You haven't skated since you were in highschool. But when you're pretty good at it still, the smooth blade of your beaten skates gliding through ice with much dexterity, it's like floating, freeing, the wind hitting your faces, snow catching in your lashes. It's peaceful, you try not to think about the warmth of Hyunjin's arm circling around body, the vague rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. His laboured breaths on your neck. It's torturous. But spending so much time with him has taught you to hide your feelings better.

The park welcomes a large crowd around holiday season, children with toothless grins, tugging onto their mum's coats, small chin resting onto a parents' head, teenagers moving in together in school uniforms. It's the happiest time of the year. When you move past an elderly couple, they smile and tell you make a wonderful couple.

You're just about to make a correction. This puts you in an awkward position... doesn't it?

But then Hyunjin grins toothily and says, Thank you, like it's the most amusing thing in the world. You ignore the wrenching inside your chest.

Hyunjin leans forward, his plump lips brushing against your ear. "Where did you learn to skate so well?!" There's something like excitement in his kiddish laugh aside from admiration. It's not much of a question as it is an exclamation.

"I am pretty good, aren't I?"

He laughs, doesn't let you go. "Yes, yes...really good."

Out of breath, you slow down, move your feet steadily, careful not to lose balance.

"Oh my God! It is you!"

You raise your head, blink against flakes hindering your vision. Jeongin's voice used to be thinner before. As far as you remember. Now it has a weight to it.

You let out a nervous laugh.

"And it's you..."

Jeongin's eyes travel to the arms around your waist, to the stiffened figure behind you and you immediately liberate yourself. Moving to let Hyunjin use your arm as purchase, you don't fail to notice the pinch in his forehead, a frown on his mouth.

"This is my friend Hyunjin. Hyunjin, this is Jeongin—"

"We used to go out." Jeongin smiles, forwarding his hand, which is returned with an unenthused shake and a demure reply. Hyunjin never speaks to anyone this way, not even people he claims to hate.

The former male looks to you again, "I was, uh... wondering if you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime."

Things between you and him ended amicably at the event of his departure for further studies, which deprives you of awkward tension which is expected when exes meet.

Besides, a cup of coffee never hurt anyone.

Right?

Without thinking, you nod slowly, "Yeah that sounds good,"

"Text me anytime."

"Sure."

 “I'll be out of your hair then," he beams. "It was very nice meeting you too, Hyunjin."

"Right."

Hyunjin, you realise, has released your arm. He leans on barricades fencing along the skating area, smiling briefly. You know it’s wrong...yet you sense that you almost need him to be upset.

Then he tilts his head back towards you, "He seems like a really nice guy," he whispers, genuinely meaning every word. Your heart sinks. "I see the appeal." Underneath the lurid glare of fairy lights brandished overhead, Hyunjin's ash hair glints like it's threaded out of silver. You wonder what he's thinking.

—

 Watch every Disney movie ever made.

You never end up texting Jeongin back. Just stalling for when you're ready, you tell yourself. Even though that's not true at all.

"This brings back so many memories. My parents used to belt out A Whole New World with me, like every time we watched Aladdin."

Hyunjin wipes his face with the back of his hand, technically you’re not very sure what he’s saying exactly because he’s mumbling into a paper napkin you've  passed over for the umpteenth time. You find yourself picturing a small but happy family of three, of Hyunjin in Scooby Doo pajamas and gap between his teeth. (Contrary to your previous convictions, he hasn't changed all at much, save for the teeth bit. ) It's cute.

He looks to you expectantly. Can't be the only one telling embarrassing stories.

You shrug, "I had a thing for Simba. Let's just say my mum and dad were nice enough to indulge me."

Hyunjin reaches for the remote and pauses the ending credits of Lady and the Tramp. He turns to you fully now, gives you a judgemental stare. "Simba...?" He says, "Like the...lion?"

"What? It's normal to crush on fictional characters, okay?!"

"Okay,sure," Hyunjin snorts, putting a pillow between you and him so you can't kill him. "furry."

A part of you is tempted, obviously. But the much bigger part is more invested in how he looks happier, healthier. You want to think that means something.

—

Hyunjin invites you over for movie night. It's getting colder and you keep poking him with your cold feet. There's an extra set of blankets in his cupboard, he informs you, he isn't sharing his with you — and that's when you see it.

The deflated pink donut folded to the side, his and yours sharpie inscribed initials on one side. 

"Found it yet?"

You don't even notice when he comes to stand behind you. So the question effectively makes you jump out of your skin. Hyunjin has a bowl of popcorn pressed to his chest, there's a pink hair band holding his hair away from his forehead. For the lack of a answer he takes it on himself to find the source of your silence. As if you've been caught red handed.

You think this is where he'll ask you to leave, that or he'll least scold you or something. You prepare for the worst.

Hyunjin just smiles, it's a big smile that succeeds in bringing out the small dimple indented on the side of his cheek. You've never noticed before. It's kinda weird. Because when it comes to him, your attention hardly ever falters.

"You probably don't remember. That’s from Seungmin's 15th birthday,"

You want to scoff under your breath. All this time you had told yourself that you were the only one to be affected by your estranged friendship growing up. Now...the same logic colours you every bit of ridiculous. 

You blink away, swallowing. Voice solemn.

"I remember." Hyunjin's gaze is heavy on your shoulders. An emotion you can't quite put a finger on crosses his delicate features. It's something between surprise and relief... something else too. You don’t understand it. 

—

It's disconcerting that he can’t remember the last time he got sick. Not the usual discomfort inside his chest, not the blood, not the thorns or petals. Hyunjin's just gotten so used to it, you know? What if he gets his hopes up for no good reason? What if it just comes back?

There's no possible explanation, he explains over a hasty 3 A.M message he had to leave on your answering machine because he's freaking out.

Then Haseul texts Hyunjin, tells him she misses him. Everything's adding up. Everything's falling into place. This is what he wanted, isn't it? She loves him, she finally loves him back. That must be it. He doesn't know what to say. 

But he tells you, and when he does, it sounds a lot like an apology.

— 

Kiss underneath a mistletoe. 

“Chan and I broke up.” She says it like it’s something he should be happy about. So when he remains quiet, it only prompts her to speak more, fill up the big mighty silences. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Look Jinnie, I know I made a mistake, but...can’t you give a second chance? Just this once?”

Hyunjin has thought about this particular moment a lot. Kissing her instead of producing a response, pulling her off of her feet and mumbling of course, of course, of course. Back then, there were little doubts in his head pertaining to her, back then he believed that she was the only one for him. The love of his life at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

Now...something doesn’t feel right. 

The thing about wounds, sometimes, of the heart in particular, is when they close up, it’s hard to make head or tails of the kind of person you become in their wake. Hard to adjust. Like when he suddenly shot up 7 inches in ninth grade, a late bloomer at that, and the weight of his new sneakers felt..odd.

He glances at her and also understands what it’s like to be lonely, the constant need to compensate for it by grasping at the last straw. He used to be in her shoes too. This isn’t any different.  Albeit, he isn’t exactly taken by her presence. Just that he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. He looks over your table a few feet away from where he’s standing. Having gone out to take a call. You notice his absence and then from your seat, do your best to locate him. (he thinks of kissing you on a bed of snow, thinks of the sizzle of your skates against ice, thinks of his list on a coffee cup and his pink water donut and it’s okay to be scared. Why did it have to be you of all people, through everything? It’s not really a work of coincidence. Not at all actually.

  Maybe he just wanted it to be you.)

When your eyes do lock...seeing him with his hands in his pockets, her standing beyond the barrier as she tries to say something, you smile, even if it’s a little sad. Hyunjin thinks to the conversation some nights before. Thinks of you reminding him that there's nothing to lose at this point, that he should do what his heart tells him. That it’ll be alright, if he just takes a leap of faith. Hyunjin smiles back. Through the glassy exterior and mini water fountains running down its slanted form. The realisation is not as dramatic as he thought. It’s just late.

 He tears off the false mistletoe decoration glued along the periphery of an arch.

And like always.

He takes your advice.

— 

Cohorts of guests pour into the colossal hotel, heads turning in quiet admiration for bejeweled arches breaking out against buttery white architecture, the roof is impossibly naked, translucent glass baring a starlit sky to your watchful eyes. Showing little mercy to a frail chute held over your head,costumed characters wade through oceans of gossamer, twinkling silver and swaying movements to slow jazz. You prop a heeled foot up on the bar platform, which strangely resembles a pedestal, in a futile attempt to catch your breath, with clammy digits settled atop the risky surface of a marbled counter. A soft voice speaks over the ambience, uttering your name with much care. You lift your head. And there he is.

Jisung is scouring through the Spotify playlist you’ve put together for New Year’s Eve. He’s complaining about the lack of Beyoncé while your friends go around the buffet table. When he calls you, you’re sipping your drink, laughing at something Changbin is saying, his eyes brighten just at the sound of your laugh.  Hyunjin isn’t surprised to see his friend taking a liking of you even though he hardly knows you. That’s just the effect you have on people.

Excusing yourself, you allow him to walk you to a less densely populated area where a stone pillar faces expensive paintings of nameless painters. With the effect of alcohol settling in and your inhibitions effectively lowered, your steps sway a little. You lean against the massive build rising from tiled floor. “So what’s up?” you murmur, the lump in your throat thickening just at the thought of him speaking the good news into existence. “I take it went well?”

 Hyunjin doesn't answer. He looks distracted for a bit. Then in an instant he snaps out of his daze. “What did you mean when you said ‘once’?”

Your brows come together in inquiry.

“What?”

"When I asked you if you have ever been in love, you said ‘once’." He persists, his fingers come up to your shoulder, grazing slightly as if they’re trying to carve out words against the skin. "You weren’t talking about Jeongin.”

He knows. He’s always known. Hyunjin can’t believe he’s been so stupid.

“Took you long enough.” You let out a sardonic laugh.“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

"It matters to me..." Hyunjin sounds offended, you gather, but he manages to quell his temper for the sake of coaxing your confession. Is he purposely embarrassing you?  "I don’t think...I love Haseul anymore...I didn’t realise...I haven’t for a long time."  

A big chandelier beams over withering plants pushed against the ceiling, in this poor supply of light, you can tell exactly how he looks, eyes glimmering adoringly, you've spent something-teen years of your life wondering what it's supposed to mean. And it still manages to confuse you.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask, albeit you already know.  Because funnily enough, before he got his braces removed and dyed his hair a scandalous blonde, before bucket lists and heartbreak, he was just the boy who told you he liked your stupid reindeer sweater even though it had officially made you the 7th grade laughing stock. You remember being fifteen and in love with Hyunjin. And you've never actually stopped. You need to hear it to believe it.

It drives you crazy. The way Hyunjin brushes his fingers against your cheek, shifting strands away from your eyes. But you can't help it, you've always wanted this. You lean into the caress, peering up at him as his large hand cups your jaw, thumb traversing from your tilted chin to your glossy lips like he's trying to smooth out all the creases. His voice is small, a whisper.

"Because I need you to know I think I’m falling in love with you.” he says. His palm opens and there’s a plastic mistletoe nestled between his fingers. You’re smiling and sniffling whilst his forehead comes to press against yours. Hyunjin grins. “And there’s still one last item on my list.”

“Are you seriously asking me to land one on you now?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

— 

"Move."

You press your fingers against the slick, sweaty skin.

In rebuttal, Hyunjin grumbles under his breath. Only half awake, half aware that he was mumbling in his sleep. His naked chest seems to be, if it’s even possible, glued to your bare front as he sprawls out like a starfish over your body, using his gangly arms to accommodate the strange position.

Though and you know he knows it too — it’s anything but uncomfortable.

See by now, you aren't exactly a stranger to Hyunjin's sleeping habits. Or really, any habits of his.

All the windows are cracked open, moonlight percolating through a thin sheet of curtains in rendering evidence that it’s still night time. You can make out the faint sound of  honking in the distance, a few stray dogs here and there, probably producing strings of complaints about the blatantly unbearable heat.

The strong stench of sweat and an aftermath of what happened before is a quick reminder of where you are, what you’re doing and that your arm’s going cold for a lack of circulation under his weight. Beads of sweat collected against his skin and trickle down the side of your face, the crook of your neck, which only prompts you to apply more force to the pads of your index and pointer — albeit it did nothing to move him, "Gross." You groan. "You're sweating like a pig!"

This comment, of all the things you've tried to get him to sleep on his side, succeeds in making Hyunjin raise his head, his grey hair matted down, a few rogue strands pushed out to fall over the unamused look in his eyes.

In an unprecedented minute of absolute clarity, something inside your stomach started to churn at the shocking sight. You’re impossibly, absolutely and nauseatingly in love with Hwang Hyunjin and the funny thing is, you don’t have to think twice to know he is too.

"Gross?" Hyunjin lowers his face to brush his pouted lips along your jaw, grinning when you let out a shaky but involuntary breath and as if he is looking to make a point with his digits traversing from your bare stomach, just along the hem of your underwear,   "After all that?"

"I hate you." You say — but more like, stutter. The sound of his giggles eliciting a strange sensation in you, reverberating against your chest, knocking against his ribs and your skin, like it’s trying to reach out to you, like your bodies insist on melding into one.

"I don’t think you’re being honest, baby." He laughs, squeezing your side, coming up to plant a warm palm to your butt to repeat the action, which in turn, drew a mewl from you. “Because you looove me.” Hyunjin smirks, his finger thumbing along your throat to your chin. You think this is what all those great poets meant in endless litanies of lovers torn apart by time and war woven together in a simple caress, like a longing, like a secret. Guarded from prying eyes, greedy hands, and you keep it, you keep it. For him. With him.

[superspookywombat]

falling {j.h} chapter thirteen

Taglist:  @Sleepy-whore @geekysimmerthings @mauvette268 @treestarrrrrrrr @kaleigh404 @krazykatkay456 @meganlikesfandoms @darknacademia @hi-my-name-is-riley @vdtwsupernatural @selmeuuh @raindancer2004 @wondersandtempests @royale-trash-slytherin @im-hella-bright @bootylimpics @livfg @It-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes @peacemusicinch @coffeeslut16 @bvbwestfall @Actuallyedythecullen @stan-joonies @Peacebuglove @Millie-753 @Frozenhuntress67 @i-tried21 @seaevans @femflorals @arseofrivia @trashysara @vulgarfuckinvirgo @sleepysnapesnake @hey-bulldogs @mental-breaker-74 @pansexual-and-eating-pancakes @duty-isnt-always-honour @jelly-fishy-babie @carnagefuck @clubpengiunn @wondersandtempests @100-percent-loving @fandomsandmore394 @pomiotszatana @cherrybuck @alohorcruxes @accioavengerss @left-in-the-woods @galaxypox @what-if-im-the-bad-guy @daughterofanarchy997 @camillapad @babieboth @thequeerishere555 @your-average-wallflower @anxiety-station @xo-sophiemae-xo @rachthestressedbandobsessed @amordesiempre01 @avalon68 @imaginebeinlovedbyme @vampiregirl1797 @scuzmunkie @maelleoute @popwhitlockanddrop @aliinova @mikariell95 @happyfunprincess @affection-rabbit @xcharlottemikaelsonx @lavenderandwoodsmoke @generalgoldfishldrm @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream @whattheheckisevengoingon @the-wandering-pan-ace @cm1126 @awkwardnesshabitat @moonxxstxr @thefandomplace @tracickles

Warnings: sad animal death (i almost cried while writing it) (it’s a bobcat), slight makeout sesh, y/n is a brat, not proofread

A/n: thank you so much for being patient, i’ve been flooded with writers block and then school also started up again so i’ve had a buttload of homework. Here’s a slightly longer chapter than usual as a thanks for the wait :)

As Emmett speeds down the interstate with Rosalie riding shotgun, you sit in the back of the Jeep with Jasper. A warm breeze blows your hair around as you watch the scenery pass.

“Who are these people again?” You ask, trying to get all of the information before meeting these strangers. Jasper absentmindedly strokes your hand while looking out at the sunset’s horizon.

“The Denali Coven. Irina, Kate, and Tanya are sisters. Carmen and Eleazar are together. They’re vegetarians too, which is why Carlisle’s sendin’ us there. He thinks it’ll help you adjust.” Jasper says. You look over at Emmett and Rosalie holding hands on the center console.

“How old are the sisters?” You ask. Jasper pauses for a moment, thinking. Before he can respond, Emmett butts in. 

“Hella old.” He laughs, earning a pointed look from Rosalie.

“At least a thousand. Not sure Carlisle ever got an exact answer from ‘em.” Jasper says. You sigh, stale air exiting your lungs.

“That’s a long time to be alone.” You say quietly. You look over at Jasper, who catches your gaze. The sunset burst paints his skin like a stained glass window. 

“They weren’t alone.” He says. 

“You know what I mean.” You reply.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The moonlight illuminates the driveway as Emmett pulls in. A very large, very expensive looking cabin-y mansion sits nestled between two small mountains. The front door opens and your sharp sight tells you that there’s five people there, three blondes and two black-haired people. You grab your duffle bag by your feet and unload the truck with Jasper as Emmett and Rosalie go greet your hosts.

Walking over to the strangers, birds circle above you, exposing your anxiety. “Interesting.” The only man of the group says. “I’m Eleazar, this is my partner Carmen.” 

“Y/n.” You say holding out your hand to shake. He grasps it strongly, and you smile up at him as the birds start to dissipate. Carmen offers you a smile and a small wave. 

“I’m Kate.” The blonde with the straight hair walks towards you, enveloping you in her arms. Her smell invades your senses, but not in a bad way. Another girl next to her, a strawberry blonde, hugs you.

“I’ve heard such good things about you.” She pulls away, smiling and showing off her perfect, white teeth. “I’m Tanya. This is Irina.” 

A woman with curly blonde hair smiles at you, giving your body a once-over. You’d blush, if you could. Emmett walks over with what seems to be everyone’s luggage slung from his shoulders. 

“If you’re done with introductions, this guy needs some bear ASAP.” He says, a wide grin on his face. 

“I’m starting to think you only visit us for the bears.” Eleazar teases. Most everyone chuckles at that, except Emmett, who is obviously hungry. Emmett sets the bags down at his feet.

“Hey! I like the meese too.” He says, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment from the teasing. Rosalie sighs. 

“Meese?” You ask incredulously. Emmett looks at you like you’ve grown a third head.

“Uh, yeah. Never heard of a moose before? Come on, y/n.” He says, his eyes squinting. You look around at the group. Eleazar and Kate avoid eye contact, looking at the ground while fighting off a smile. Jasper looks away also, his hand rubbing the area above his lip to hide his. Rosalie raises an eyebrow and shifts her weight so that she’s looking at Emmett, her arms crossing over themselves. By now, Tanya, Irina, and Carmen have gone inside.

“You do know that the plural for moose is moose, right?” You ask, eyes wide. He looks at you for a second, not blinking for obvious reasons. 

“Ha ha. Real funny.” He says. When no one responds, avoiding eye contact and hiding their smiles, he spreads his arms. You flinch, forgetting for a second that you’re nearly indestructible. “Wait.. really?”

You look back at Emmett. “Yes?” 

Emmett looks around in disbelief. “When were you guys planning on telling me that! I’ve been sounding like an idiot this whole time?”

“I don’t think not sayin’ ‘meese’ would have changed that, Emmett.” Jasper says, his expression stoic except for the minuscule smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“We were betting on how long you’d go without realizing.” Rosalie says, then turns her head to give you a glare. “But now that’s ruined.”

“Sorry.” You say halfheartedly. She sighs again, picking up her bag and walking towards the house. Emmett follows her, giving you a wink. 

“You must all be hungry.” Kate says. Jasper swallows, his adam's apple bobbing. His usually golden eyes are black, and you reach out to grab his arm lightly. He looks off into the distance. “I’ll let you guys get settled in first.”

As she walks off, you turn to look Jasper in the eyes. “Hey, you alright?” He gently shakes off your hand and reaches down for both of your duffels. 

He nods. “I’m fine. Let’s get inside.” He walks ahead leaving you to trail behind him like a lost puppy. In the dark, the temperature has dropped enough that if you were still human, you’d be shivering. But now, of course, it has no effect on you. 

As you follow Jasper through a large, wooden door, your jaw drops slightly as you take in your surroundings. The home is very open concept, you can only describe it as a minimalistic take on a modern rustic design. Jasper keeps walking, not at all phased by how impressive the interior is. You follow him past a very light and airy kitchen, and up some stairs that lead to an open landing that’s filled with floor to ceiling bookshelves and two heavy looking desks. You don’t have time to look any further, however, because he seems to have a one-track mind. He leads you into a guest room. It’s small (compared to the rest of the house), but the decor is light and minimalistic, leaving the room feeling not at all constricting. As you sit down on the bed, Eleazar greets you and leans against the door frame, Carmen standing behind him.

“I hope it’s okay that you two are sharing a bed.” He says, raising his eyebrows slightly. You glance at Jasper, who’s aggressively unpacking some of the items you brought along. As vampires don’t sleep, you obviously don’t need a bed. You guess that he’s cryptically asking about your relationship. Nonetheless, you respond.

You gasp, feigning shock. “Before marriage? How scandalous!” Eleazar looks alarmed, his eyes darting over to check Carmen’s reaction. He opens his mouth, most likely to backtrack and offer you another place to sleep, but you beat him to it. “I’m kidding. This is perfect.”

“Oh.” He says, a nervous laugh following soon after. He then leads Carmen away, closing the door behind him.

“I think I scared him off.” You say, sighing. Jasper is now standing, lightly shaking a box you brought to presumably check the contents. 

“Mhm.” He answers, disinterested. You look at him, examining the light frown on his face. 

“What’s your deal?” You ask, annoyed. His eyes flicker to you, alarmed, almost as if he’s surprised you called him out. He turns away from you, placing the box onto a dresser. You pull your legs criss-cross and lean forward, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Did I do something? I’m sorry.”

He glances at you before turning back around. “It’s not you,” He says, taking a pause. “It’s.. Irina.” 

“What about her?” You ask, wondering if there’s a point to this. “She seems friendly enough to me.”

“That’s the problem.” He says through a clenched jaw. As you watch his knuckles tighten on the corners of the dresser, it dawns on you.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous..” You say with a breathy chuckle. He turns to look back at you, his eyes narrowed.

“It’s not funny.” He scolds, his southern accent poking through. Your eyes widen, then you double over in laughter. He watches you, perplexed. As you continue to laugh, he looks back at the wall in embarrassment. You calm yourself and walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his hard waist and placing your head between his shoulder blades. He tenses.

“Relax, Jazz. I like you. And even if I didn’t, I’m still stuck with you forever. Literally.” You reassure, also teasing him. His shoulders droop a little, and you press a kiss to his toned back. 

“That’s not funny.” He says, but you know he’s not serious. 

“Yes it is.” You reply. His body shakes as he chuckles. He turns around, your arms still pulling him close to you. He tilts your chin up with his pointer and middle finger, the rest of his hand cupping your jaw. His thumb caresses your bottom lip so lightly that you barely feel it. You close your eyes as he leans in and kisses you. You smile against his lips as he pulls you closer, your chest touching his. His other hand cradles the back of your head, and your hands find themselves exploring the firm skin on his abdomen. Your fingers brush over raised, puckered scars, forcing a gentle growl to rise from his throat.

“Hey- Woah.” You hear as the door swings open. Instinctively, you place your hands on Jasper’s chest and push. He flies into the wall, a resounding ‘thump’ vibrating through the floor and into your feet. He re-steadies himself as you both look over to see Emmett standing in the doorway. “Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with us on a hunt, but,” He glances at you and you brush your fingers through your hair, making it look nice again. “If you’re busy..”

“We’ll be downstairs in a minute.” Jasper says, smoothing his shirt and readjusting his jeans. Emmett raises his eyebrows, then leaves. You look down at your feet, feeling like a misbehaving child. You hear the bed groan as Jasper sits down on it. You swiftly walk over to your duffel bag, grabbing one of the few outfits you brought with. You grab the hem of the shirt you’re wearing, pulling the item over your head. After your view is unobstructed again, you look at Jasper, who is trying to look at literally anything but your chest, only clad in a bra. 

“W-What’re you doin’, darlin’?” He stutters. 

“Changing into something that can get blood on it?” You answer, raising an eyebrow at him as you unbutton and then shimmy out of your pants.

He puts a hand up, shielding you from his eyes. “I s-should go see if Eleazar needs any help..”

“You should?” You tease seductively, bending over to pick up a pair of shorts, giving him a direct look at your cleavage. You pull them on, then climb onto his lap, straddling him. “Eleazar’s a big boy, he can handle himself.” 

“I suppose you do have a point..” He says, trailing off as his eyes flicker down to your breasts. 

“Though maybe you’re right.” You sigh, pecking him on the lips. “You should go and help, be a good guest or whatever.” 

He looks dazed, confused by your sudden dismissal. “But.. I- y/n..” He stutters. You pat him on the cheek, then you slide off of his lap and grab a t-shirt from the duffel. Sliding it over your head, you exit the room and bound down the stairs, leaving Jasper by himself.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“So we’ll split up, Kate and I will go with Jasper and y/n,” Tanya says, standing in the living room. “Irina will go with Emmett, Rose, Carmen, and Eleazar.” 

“Great.” Rosalie says. “Can we go now?” 

“As soon as Jasper gets down here.” Carmen says, glancing over at you. Rosalie rolls her eyes.

“Why do we have to wait?” Kate asks Tanya. Rosalie listens carefully, anticipating an answer.

“We’re doing a competition. One team versus the other, we’ll see who gets more catches.” Tanya replies. Emmett rubs his hands together. 

“Nothing like a little friendly competition..” He says excitedly. Eleazar nods, a small smile looking out of place on his usually stoic face. A familiar scent wafts down the stairs, and you look over to see Jasper. 

“Nice of you to finally join us.” Rosalie sighs. You look to the ground, smiling at yourself. Jasper walks over to you, snaking a hand around your waist and pulling you close. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Irina stiffen. Emmett gives you a thumbs up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What do the winners get?” Kate asks.

“Is your thirst being satisfied not enough for you?” Tanya asks. Kate narrows her eyes at her sister. “Fine. Winners get to know that they’re better hunters than everyone else. Better?”

“That’s not fair! They have y/n- She basically controls animal minds!” Emmett whines. You smile, trying to ignore the guilt that settles in your stomach. 

“You guys have an extra person. Some could argue that that makes us even.” Kate retorts. Tanya sighs, rubbing her forehead. 

“Can we start now?” Carmen asks. Tanya nods, and everyone follows her out into the front yard. “3.. 2.. 1.. Go!” 

Everyone springs up from a crouching position. You follow Jasper into the trees, the forestry whizzing past you. So many sounds and scents flood your mind, like the thrum of a squirrel’s heart, and the scent of a grizzly bear a half mile away. Jasper seems to have read your mind, and he runs off to find the bear, presumably just to tease Emmett. As he speeds off to find the bear, something halts you in your place. You skid to a stop, feet tearing into the moist forest floor. An unknown feeling tugs at your chest, and you take a step backwards. The feeling gets stronger, and you try to trace it back to the source. 

When you walk into a small clearing, you see a red fox baring its teeth at a large bobcat, standing its ground in front of a den. You clap your hands, trying to scare the large cat off. It barely acknowledges you, and you walk over to the pair, physically putting yourself in between them. The bobcat advances, assuming you as an easy target. It lunges, and you meet it mid-air. You tackle it to the ground, its head hitting a rock. You can hear its skull crack, and immediately you scramble back, your fingers digging into the ground. Its pained whimpers flood your ears, and your face scrunches up. 

“Oh god. What did I do?” You say, chest heaving. You crawl to the bobcat, cradling its head in your lap. Your hands shake as you place them around its neck and twist, a sickening ‘crack’ on replay in your mind. You look down at your hands that are now covered in blood, and you shiver as your instincts take over. You swoop down and sink your teeth into the now deceased bobcat’s neck, and a warm, syrupy metallic taste invades your taste buds. You can feel your stomach getting fuller and fuller until you physically can’t drink anymore. You snap out of your daze, and stare at the carcass pulled into your lap. Pushing it gently off of you, you brush your fingers through its fur, mostly slick with spilled blood. You close its eyes. Something at the edge of the clearing catches your eye- a much smaller bobcat watching you. Anguish overcomes you, radiating off of the small animal in tsunami sized waves. The fox now long gone, the bobcat slowly approaches. It comes closer and closer until it's sniffing at the bigger bobcats carcass. Then, it closes its eyes, nuzzling under its mother’s chin. Overwhelmed with grief and guilt, a whimper bubbles up from your throat. Dry sobs wrack your body as you enter a tear-less crying fit, watching the baby try to wake its dead mother. You smack the side of your head, trying to stop crying and force a clear head, but you only want to do one thing. Run.

Wind whips your hair around as you run, pushing yourself to go faster and faster. Before you realize it, your foot snags on a tree root, and you fly face first into some bushes. You sit up, pulling your knees to your chest as you spit out dirt and debris. The moon disappears from the night sky as you calm yourself. Soft footsteps approach you from behind, and not a second later, Jasper is sitting next to you, pulling you into his arms. He doesn’t say anything, he can put two and two together by seeing your blood soaked hands and clothes. He can feel what you're feeling. The two of you sit in silence, watching the sun rise as the warm colors causes your iridescent skin to glisten.

[rowdeyclown]

the masks of majora’s mask ranking that no one asked for

i have many Thoughts about majora’s mask, it’s my favorite piece of media ever and honestly i could go on for ages talking about it, but today i wanna just talk about the masks of the game because i am very passionate about masks

im sorting this list by type of mask. there are only two types of masks to obtain, transformation and collectible, this is just to help me keep track of everything

transformation masks

the Deku mask. ngl deku link is super cute and he may not be the most powerful or fastest but he sure did spin his way into my heart. 7/10

the Goron mask. among other mm fans this seems to be the most popular of the transformation masks due to the incredible speed in which its possible to travel and raw strength with fighting. i personally am not the biggest fan of hand to hand combat using this mask but i sure do love to roll around at supersonic speeds. also this is the mask used for my favorite boss in the game, goht, and is also involved with goron racing which is also fun. speeding is very fun, shame that it only works when my magic meter is full. 8/10

the Zora mask. sorry i couldnt find a bigger png for it first of all but anyway this mask is the one that messes me up the most. you help a dying zora say his final words, then he kicks the bucket and leaves behind a mask which then lets you turn into a zora like what the actual fuck. gameplay wise this mask is my favorite, swimming is actually fun and it is my ideal hand to hand fighter, which is to say fast. 10/10

the Fierce Deity mask. okay. there is a lot to unpack with this one. whereas the other transformation masks are gained as part of the main quest, the fierce deity is only obtainable if you have collected all the other masks in the game. not much is known abt it but boy is it op as hell. like you can literally take out the final boss in like two minutes using this bad boy. the first time i played mm i tried to get the fierce deity mask but then promised myself i wouldnt use it for the final boss, but suddenly i had lost all my fairies and healing potions and i had half a heart left. i said “fuck it, mask time” and with the power of god and anime on my side i beat majora and saved termina without taking another hit. 100/10

collectible masks

Great Fairy’s mask. i thought the actual great fairies were creepy, but then i saw link wearing this mask and i havent been the same since. i have gotten quite a bit of use out of it since i like to collect all the fairies in the dungeons and this mask is required to lure some of them in, so i have to give it points for that. but honestly if it had no other valuable use i wouldnt touch it with a 10 foot pole. 5/10

Kamaro’s mask. OKAY this mask is really weird but also very funny and i think about it a lot. this mask is obtained from a dead dancer named Kamaro and using the mask link can do that same dance and with this ability he can earn a heart piece by teaching another pair of dancers this dance. the fact that its not even a real mask really kills me. theres that fleshy colored bit on the bottom that covers up the whole face and then the face of Kamaro is just sitting on top like a hat and its unreal. 7/10 

Bremen mask. now THIS mask, this one is special to me. you see, i was in marching band in high school and i also played mm for the first time around my senior year. this mask allows link to play a little song on his ocarina and march around! its so BIZARRE and i love it. also this mask is needed to obtain my actual favorite mask from the game. 10/10 

Bomb mask. makes link’s face explode but its okay because this is a video game and characters can survive shit like wearing a literal bomb on their face. 20/10

Bunny hood. THIS. THIS IS MY FAVORITE MASK. its not technically a mask actually but ignore that the point is that this mask is adorable, useful, and obtaining it makes me smile each time. to get this mask you have to start a marching band with baby cuccos using the bremen mask as i mentioned earlier. this mask is special because it boosts link’s movement speed significantly. its absolutely my most worn mask just because of the whole moving fast factor. all around a very solid and good design 10000/10 

Kafei’s mask. okay yes, it is creepy. its very weird. really you only need to wear it once but it is the catalyst of the biggest quest in the game that spans all three days and its also in my opinion the best zelda sidequest ever. so points to this mask for starting an iconic quest, but for the love of god stop staring at me with those empty eyes. 3/10

Keaton mask. obtained during the kafei quest. this mask is used to communicate with nine tailed fox-like creatures called keatons, and if link answers their riddles right he can gain a piece of heart. this is basically just a one use mask that really doesnt do any good in the long run. 4/10

Postman’s hat. turns link into a mailman. 10/10

Mask of Truth. dont even talk to me if this isnt what your third eye looks like. this mask is used to communicate with animals and talk to gossip stones. i wouldnt say this mask is really necessary as it is an optional item to use for a heart piece to collect but said heart piece can also be collected without it, tho it is significantly harder. 5/10

Mask of Scents. hehe piggy. 10/10 

Don Gero’s mask. remember that mask that turned you into a marching band kid? This turns you into the drum major. well, not really, but it is used to direct a choir made up entirely of frogs. basically the ideal mask. 10/10

Romani’s mask. allows link to enter bars despite being underage. i do not support underage drinking at all, especially when the underage person in question is like 10. -20/10

Garo’s mask. the first picture there is the mask as seen in the original n64 game and the second is the redesign from the 3ds remake. why did they make such a drastic change? beats me. the mask itself allows link to talk to invisible ninjas and is involved heavily with ikana valley. ikana is a weird and complicated location, and the abilities of this mask truly help build the atmosphere of the area and game in general. 8/10 

Captain’s hat. tricks skeletons into thinking that link is their leader. idk how that even works since its not even a transformation mask. idk maybe the skeletons are just stupid. also one of two masks that cause redeads to dance rather than scream at you so thats a plus. 7/10

Stone mask. this mask is so weird, it turns link invisible to almost all characters. its very useful for infiltrating the gerudo fortress and for the quest to earn a certain other mask, but is also not required. it is very funny looking though. i do prefer to use it over doing actual stealth since im lazy so this mask is actually useful for my particular tastes. 8/10 

Troupe Leader’s mask. okay THIS MASK. THIS MASK IS THE REASON WHY I WANTED TO MAKE THIS LIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. this mask is literally pointless. the mask itself cries and can stop bandits from attacking you in a certain side quest, however doing that side quest is pointless at that point since that side quest is literally how this mask is obtained. its pointless and stupid. in the 3ds remake it can be used to get an empty bottle but the fact that it literally was completely unusable and pointless in the original game just goes to show how much of a waste of space this mask is. -100/10

All-Night mask. this mask is terrifying and keeps me from falling asleep. incidentally, thats its actual ability. according to some text in the game this mask was used as a torture device at one point which is uhhhhhh. hm. yeah. the actual use for it in the game is literally a thing to keep link from falling asleep out of boredom. what an absolute nightmare of a mask. 1/10

Gibdo mask. makes gibdo (aka mummies) think link is one of them which is useful for not dying to one but boy is it terrifying. the second of two masks that make redeads dance instead of scream at you. 3/10

Couple’s mask. this mask is the product of the entire kafei and anju quest. it doesnt look like much and is only useful for one moment in game to obtain a piece of heart but its true value lies in the journey travelled to collect it. this mask was born as a representation of the love between the characters kafei and anju, and that whole quest is beautiful and heart wrenching and this mask brings it to a satisfying close. infinity/10 

Giant’s mask. doesnt even look like the actual giants in the game. 0/10

[dartiri11]

Since the Beginning of your World

Hey Guys! This is a little special on my channel. So its a onepart. Its about the history of the Fierce Deity. In my fic it will have the name Kishin but thats not my idea! I love the name but i didnt create it. Well the Deitys history is a mystery no one can really solve. So i made my own story! I hope you like it. And ps: Horror Kid and Taya are still better names than Skull Kid and Tatl!

Warnings: Blood, pain and aaaaall the creepy stuff from Majoras mask :)

Was it over? He didn’t feel it anymore. He just felt pain. But not the pain he felt when it started. The pain he felt was a relaxing one. His throat hurt so much from screaming. Link tried to open his eyes but they shut again automatically. He tried once again and saw the bright sunlight. It burned in his face. Specially at his forehead and his cheeks. No, that wasn’t the sun. It was something different. But what?

Link tried to say something but only a silent groan came out of his mouth. When he looked around he saw a silhouette sitting infront of him. He was scared and wanted to run away, but his body hurt too much. Especially his shoulder. He felt blood running down his left arm. Link just lay there breathing. Completly exhausted.

He stared at the person who was sitting there. Is was the Happy-Mask-Salesman. He was holding something. It was purple with colorful spikes and freaking big eyes. Then his memories came back.

He was fighting inside the moon with a horrifying creature named Majora. He was loosing. The creature had its tentacles around him and choke him. It threw Link away like he was nothing. The Hero of Time was laying there as good as dead. In his last power he pulled out the mask he got a few moments before and put it on. Suddenly a deep pain ran through his body and he was screaming. Link never felt a pain like that. At that moment he felt like he was dying over and over again. It was so painful. But in the whole pain he felt power too. A power like the pain. New. A new expierience he never had before. And the young hero had seen a lot of things.

He could see nothing. Only white. But why white? A tall figure appeared infront of him. He looked like a knight. But much scarier. He had blue and red markings on his face. And white hair. The figure also had a tunic a bit like his own. Not in green, in white. Around the tunic was a shiny armour. On his back the man carried a huge sword and when he slowly came closer, Link tried to step back. But in his exhaustion he couldn’t keep his self and fell back down.

The person came closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Until he stood really infront of him. Link could see his eyes. There was nothing in his eyes. They were empty.

He was so scared. So he put his hands protecting infront of his face in fear he would die every moment. Where was Taya? Where was Navi? And where the hell even was Link?! He was alone in here. Alone with the scary person wich would kill him now.

But nothing happened. He looked at the person and saw a hand infront of his face. The hand probably was five times bigger than his own. The man was just standing there. Reaching for Links hand. He slowly put his hand into the mans and he pulled him up from the ground.

Now they were standing there hand in hand. Then the man started to talk. His voice was so strong and sounded not really human. It echoed like a ghosts voice.

"Lets beat this demon together, my child"

But then his memories clicked out.

It was over. Whatever happened, he defeated Majora. He tried to sit up and rubbed his head. His face was still burning but it was weaker than before.

"What happened...?" He asked tired and confused.

Then a fairy rushed over to him when it heared his voice. "Link! You finally woke up! I was so worried about you!"

He couldn’t belive his eyes or eares. "N-Navi?!" But with a short look his dream broke and turned into disappointment. Anyway he was happy Taya was at least there for him. Navi just left him...

No! He couldn’t think about Navi that way! She was Links partner and best friend. It hurt when she left him after their adventure. Like the others. He felt tears silently running down his face.

"Link? Are you okay? And who is Navi?" Taya asked and flew a bit closer to him.

He hastily wiped his teares away and tried to smile at Taya. "Nothing. Im fine, Taya."

"Ok? If you say that? Anyway, after you put on that mask, you grew and turned into a huge guy. And man, you fought that beast like a god. And i was not afraid! I fought on your side! Yeah... enough of my braveness. We saved everyone!"

The moon over the Clock Town was gone and all the people were save. He did it.

Link suddenly heared a quiet sobbing. "Im sorry. Im so sorry, Tael and Taya. I was a terrible friend, but you never left me! I can understand if you dont want to be my friends anymore..." a little Horror Kid cried.

Another Fairy appeared next to Taya. A black one. "Comon Sis, we should forgive him. He didn’t-"

"After all he did? He almost destroyed the whole country and if we hadn’t stopped him, hundrets of people would be dead!" Taya said angry, what made Horror Kid let his head hang down sadly.

"But that wasn’t really him. It was the mask! You know him. Horror Kid just wants to play. Dont be so strict, Sister." Tael said and Taya sighned.

The both fairies flew slowly over to the weeping Horror Kid. He hugged his friends and really started cry. For a few moments Link was just sitting there, watching them. He felt happy and sad at the same time, because it reminded him at Navi. Horror Kid calmed down a bit and let go his fairies from his tight hug.

"Lets go back into the woods. Then i can show you my home." He said to his friends. Horror Kid then looked at Link and almost flinched. "Thank you for stopping that creepy mask and saving me." The little woodcreature smiled. "You remind me at someone. Are you Kokiri?"

Link hastily shook his head. He wasn’t a Kokiri. Not anymore. Well he has never been. And he hated to think about it. Ok since his first adventure, he hated to think about everything that had something to do with his "home".

Taya came back to Link. "I think that means our goodbye. I- It was- Thank you Link." He just smiled.

The young hero decided to continue the search for Navi in the woods. It was late and he noticed Epona was tired, so they made camp. She looked so adorable when his little horse was sleeping. She moved in sleep a bit more than usual. But Link couldn’t blame her. The last three days were horrifying to Epona too.

At least his horse had a bit sleep. In that night he didn’t close an eye. He just sat there staring in the dancing flames of the campfire ignoring the pain in his shoulder. It was a deep bite. Whatever bit him there was huge. The for others scary sounds in the woods remembered him at all the nights he couldn’t sleep like now and played then hide and seek with his friends in the dark forest. But then a voice broke the silence.

"You are broken. What is it?"

He jumped back and looked around. "W-Who is there?" He slowly reached for his sword.

It was silent again. Epona just turn on her back with a soft snoring. Was that real? Or was he just so tired?

"Dont be afraid. I won’t hurt you."

When the voice appeared again, a low shine came out of his bag, wich was laying beside the campfire.

He slowly went towarts to it and carefully opened it. There were only his masks and other items.

"What are you waiting for? Take me out."

The shine and the voice came again. He dropped the bag and steped back. A few masks landed on the ground. Among them a glowing one. It was the scary one with the marks and the white hair. Was the huge man talking to Link?

It lost its shine and he picked it up. "Uhm... Hello?" He asked the mask suspicious.

"Hello, my child. I was waiting for you since the beginning of your world."

"Who are you?"

"I can tell you if you want."

Link looked at Epona. She was still sleeping like a rock. He sat on the ground and looked at the mask in his hands. Everytime it talked it started glowing.

"Ok? What do you mean with 'since the beginning of your world'? How old are you? Wait, and why do you call me 'my child'? That sounds stupid!"

"My name is Kishin and you already met Majora, right?"

He shook his body a bit as he thought about the creepy demon-mask. He just nodded and Kishin started telling a story Link would never have guessed.

"Once apon a time there were three godesses in the middle of nowhere. They had a plan together. To create live.

The three friends planned and laughed with each other. Until a universe was originated. The universe was empty yet. And they wanted to change that.

One of that three godesses was Hylia. Well i think you at least know her, right? Good, but im sure you dont know the others. Well the second one was Majora himself. And I, Kishin also known as the Fierce Deity, was the third one."

"Wait, Wait. Wait! That thing in the moon, WAS A GODESS LIKE HYLIA?!"

"You didn’t let me finish."

"Ok sorry, continue."

"Hylia was always the nice one of us. Majora was the absolute oppusite. He was more childish and cunning but he always made us laugh. I always knew how annoying he could be but Majora always has been our friend. He always called me a grump after he annoyed me a bit too much and i stopped him.

When we all started with our main world we planned for the universe, we gave our best to make the world so beautiful we can. Majora made all the dirt, rocks and fire. Hylia made all the coloures, air and water. And I made the spirits, feelings and lifes. A land was built piece for piece.

But how sad it was we never had the chance to finish like we planed. Then Majora loved the world we were creating together and wanted to have it for himself. But at that time he hid it and pushed that thought away.

Then, when Hylia was helping me designing a special species with technical skills, it happened. Majora just wanted to help me too but i didn’t want a guy like him designing the humans. He was my friend but i didn’t really trust him. He was sad and angry now. We were a lot arguing and the construction of that world was interrupted. A simple dispute turned into a real fight.

I fought with my sword and Majora with something he called Dark Magic. One of his crazy inventions. Hylia always held herself out of our problems, but this time she begged us to stop and just wanted to save her friends. But in his anger Majora attacked Hylia and i tried to block it. She was alright but i got deathly injured.

The shock to hurt a friend so bad let his power grow. He couldn’t control it anymore and his mind broke. My best friend turned right before my dying eyes into a demon. I knew that wasn’t Majora anymore. With my last power i grabbed my sword and killed it to protect Hylia. The last thing i feeled in my own body were tears running down my face and my friends blood burning on my skin."

"Whoaaaaa! Thats deep! What happened next?! Wait, do you even know that? Why can you know what happenes next?"

"Im a dead god."

"Ok that makes sense..."

"Would you please let me finish?!"

"Ok, sorry. Im just a bit disturbed that the thing that threw me against a wall was a dead god."

"Anyway, after her friends died, Hylia was very sad and missed us. And to save our souls she banned us into masks. And our little projekt? She couldn’t make it alone so Hylia created three other godesses to finish the world and create the things she couldn’t do alone. She called them Farore, Din and Nayru. They should show Courage, Power and Wisdom.

When it was finally done she called it 'Hyrule' and she also planted the humans i made but never had the chance to make them real. I don’t know why but Hylia sometimes does something i cant understand. She reincarnates us.

I think she sometimes creates a great evil and someone who can kill it, to see the evil fail. One of that evils is called Ganon. And dont freak out Link! The one to slay it... are you-"

Everything froze for Link and he felt tears well ing up in his eyes. He knew it. The Hero of Time was just another figure in nothing else than a game.

"NO!!! I won’t do this all anymore! JUST LET ME GO!!!"

He threw the mask in his hands onto the ground before it could even answer and started running. Running, just running. It was all he could do at the moment. He ran deeper into the woods.

It was cold, and he felt the cool nightair blowing into his face. The tears in his face felt freezing while he rushed through the forest. The woods used to be his home, but at the moment they were scary.

He was still running, until a root stopped him. Link fell with his face to the ground. He kneeled up and felt a tear falling down his face. One tear bacame two tears. He started sobbing. He felt all the pain and loss coming again and he cried it all out. He cird for Navi, for Taya, for all the people he saw dying infront of his eyes and for all the creepy things he saw ripping his soul out of his body. But most of all he cried for himself.

The deep night got colder and he started trembling. But that didn’t matter. He deserved it. He couldn’t save Darmani or Mikau or even the dekubutlers son. Or all the people of Termina. Link saw all of them die often enough. He was just a useless failure.

But suddenly he felt arms around him and his trembling got stronger. "Its ok kid. Everything is okay. You’re save." He looked up and saw the person that held him. It was Kishin.

-----

He knew the story would be confusing, but Kishin told him too much. The kid stood up and threw him away. Link shouted at him and ran away into the woods. He tried to stop him but the kid already was too far away. Damn mask! He couldn’t move!

His mask lay now directly next to Links little horse. It was awaken by his shouts and was now looking into the direction where the kid dissapeared. It was asking its self if it should follow its friend.

The foal didn’t notice the mask laying next to it. Maybe... well it was his only chance.

He started shouting and yelling at the horse. And it jumped up and neighed scared. The horse started kicking around and stood at the glowing mask. Yes! Finally!

The Fierce Deitys Mask broke and he felt free. Kishins vision grew. He looked at his self and couldn’t believe his stupid plan really worked. He wasn’t sealed anymore. He had a body!

The tiny horse infront of him looked afraid at him and ran away into the forest as well. He would get it back later but at first he had to find the kid.

He rushed away from the camp into the darkness. It felt amzing to run with his own feet. He stopped when he heared a small whimper and looked around. Kishin found the little kid kneeling on the ground. He was trembling and brokenly sobbing. Kishins heart hurt when he saw him like that in the creepy cold forest.

He came closer to Link and kneeled down next to him. The kid seemed he didn’t noticed the huge man sitting next to him. Kishin wrapped his arms around him and pulled the boy closer to him.

The Hero of Time tried to fight against something he hoped he never had to see again. His brother. And the next to Majora tiny child wouldn’t win. Link was a good fighter, but nothing against that deamons torture. Majora could have killed him with one hit, but he was defenitly playing with his victim. That really looked like his brother. But more violently. Kishin tried to help the kid but he had no chance. He was trapped in this mask. He couldn’t even speak to him. When the child was almost defeated he finally pulled out his mask. Finally! He could help him! Link put on the mask.

The kid was in his mask as well. His forestgreen tunic stained with blood. He looked scared. Kishin helped him up and tried not to seem terrifying. "Lets beat this deamon together, my child." He said and Kishin felt power and freedom in him. His vision vanished and appeared on Majora again. He stood up and got the Helix-Sword from his back.

"Kiii.......shiiin...." The creature infront of him hissed. It stood there ready to fight. Where should have been hands, there were long tentacles. They were colourful like its whole body. The deamon used them like whips.

Before he got...that... Majora used whips as well. Like Kishin had his sword, or Hylia had her bow. He also had a trident. But it was just his second weapon. Majoras trident was far faster than Kishins sword but it was less powerful. To his luck, the savage beast that was once called his brother didnt show to have a trident. Just whips.

On its chest was a colourful symbol of two terrifying eyes staring at him. Around the eyes there were markings. The same markings Majora had in his face. Evey god has markings. He had red and blue stripes. Even Hylia has markings in her face. Under her eyes were some things similar to wings. He even made her a gift. He created a animal wich should be the symbol of her markings. She loved it an called it a 'Loftwing'. Kishin would never forget her beautyful face. And he could never ever forget Majoras true identity. How he was before...before Kishin ruined everything.

He looked at Majoras awful appearence and felt his heart hurt. 'Its all my fault' he thought.

"Never...thought to see...you-" Kishin saw Majora charging and made himself ready to jump away. "-AGAIN!" Majora attacked with one of his whips but Kishin could dodge it.

"That isn’t you, Majora! I know it! Please!" He begged. But Majora didn’t answer him and awfully screeched at him. The dead deity didn’t care but suddenly felt the kids body flinch. He started running towarts Majora and jumped at him. Kishin rose his Sword and tried to hit the creature. But Majora blocked him perfectly and hurled one of his whipes at his former brother. The whip hit Kishin and wrapped itself around his ankle. The deamon god threw him through the whole room, or moon, he didn’t knew exactly. He violently hit the wall.

Kishin stood up and picked up his sword again. 'I hope the kid is alright...' he thought. He stormed to him again and dodged the whipes coming towarts to him. Kishin waited for the next whip trying to hit him and cut it off. Majora screamed and they both looked at each other. Exhausted and fierce at the same time.

"Why...why did you do that all? Why did you enter Termina? And why do you want to destroy it?!" He asked the deamon in rage.

The only response was a screech. But it this time sounded like laughter. Majora was laughing at him. Ignoring the blood running down his body and falling onto the offcutted piece of his left whip laying on the ground. Then he bagan to speak. "My original...plan.....to destroy....what created!" More screeching laughter was to hear and a wide grin appeared on his friends face. "I...created world and moon...want them see...destroying...EACH OTHER!" Majora jumped at him again. This time it was more unexpected. But he dodged it again. "Hyrule...to well protected...Horror Kid...to weak..." Majoras breathing was loud and strong, but it was ratteling too. "Hylia knew...would destroy...her loved Hyrule...Pathetic! Brought Horror Kid...my mask to Termina....also courage and you...to KILL ME!" Majora yelled at him in rage but he didnt attack.

"Courage? You mean the kid?"

The deamon stared at him and a wide grin rose on his face. "Kid? You...like it?"

Kishin froze. He said too much, but he tried to stay cool. The savage deamon shouldn’t know his weakness. Useless. Majora already knew.

The beast sprinted towards him and threw his one whip at Kishin. He dodged it and was ready to attack his brother. But the creature threw his whip again. And the Fierce Deity was too slow this time.

The whip wrapped itself around his shoulders and choke him. He couldn’t move. With his only weapon left now, Majora dug his sharp large teeth into Kishins shoulder. He screemed without even noticing it. Kishin himself didn’t feel the pain, but he felt the kid feeling it. That was enough to make his heart hurt. Well if a dead god could have a heart.

Kishin tried to swing his sword but could barely move. The small move he was able to do was enough to cut off Majoras other whip. The creature screeched and let go of his shoulder. The god used his chance and rose his sword. It slided through the coulorful flesh of Majoras chest. His last scream was fierce and screeching. It almost hurt in Kishins or the kids ears.

Majora sunk to his knees and his screaming stopped until everything that was to hear was exhausted breathing. Coming from both of them.

"You...know......you’re........weak..............to...weak....but.......although...you’re..............weaker.....than...me..you....always.......manage....it....to................protect......someone...............h-how?!" Majora said with exhaution in his voice.

It hurt to see his brother like that. "Because i don’t want to hurt anyone. But you hurt the kid. And the kid also just wanted to protect the people." He said cold as ice but a part of him knew that he was failing to seem cold.

Majora rose his head to look into his brothers face. "Thank.........you........" he said with a diffrent, clear vioce. Less demonic. Everything froze for Kishin. The look Majora gave him was warm. Well as warm as a savage deamon could be. That was not the deamon he fought. That was his brother.

Kishin wanted to help him but in that moment everything began to shake and Majoras body started to glow.

The room vanished and he started falling. The whole started spinning until he hit the ground.

"Its ok kid. Everything is okay. You’re save. You have gone through enough for now." He said and felt the child trembling in the cold of the deep night

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Dawn in Your Eyes Part 7

Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.

Part 7: Alfie retrieves his dowry. Talk leads to the topic of children. 

          “Whoa, whoa, hang on there!” Alfie chuckled as he just barely snatched the collar of the pup before he could barrel off. “You’ll get to meet her soon enough. Can’t blame ya though, she is lovely. You’re gonna love her.”

        After the wedding, Caroline had gone ahead to Margate for their impromptu honeymoon. Alfie offered to take her somewhere a bit more exotic, but she insisted on staying close to home. As she got settled, Alfie retrieved his dowry from Julia and delivered it the next morning.

        The mastiff puppy was all legs with massive paws. He was awkward in his gait but good-spirited and gentle as well.

        Alfie gathered the pup in his arms and carried him inside. “Caroline?”

        “I’m in the parlor!” She called.

        Cyril came trotting over and sniffed at the little furry bundle in Alfie’s arms. “Right, right, you two’ll get acquainted soon. Let me pass then.” He skirted around the massive dog.

        “Guess what I’ve got, love.”

        Caroline closed her book and beamed. “What’ve you got?”

        Alfie sat down beside her on the couch and guided her hand to the pup in his arms.

        Her mouth opened in disbelief once she felt the silky-smooth fur. “Is this the newest addition to the Solomons household?” She gasped. “Oh Alfie, how does he look?”

        “He’s a beaut. Perfectly healthy” He replied and moved her hand to the pup’s paws. “Got these big paws.”

        She giggled. “Oh, he’s so soft. Hello, lovey.” She cooed and lowered her face to get a kiss from the puppy. “What’ve you named him then?”

        “Well, I figured we could come up with something together.” Alfie chuckled as Pilot and Cyril eyed the puppy from across the room. “Now there’s no need to get jealous, you two.”

        “Oh, Pilot, I’d never replace you. We’ll all be a big happy family from now on. That’s all.” The Newfoundland seemed a little miffed at the attention Caroline was giving the pup and decided to sulk off to a corner. “Is he pouting at me?”

        Alfie laughed. “He’s certainly not pleased. Give it time, I’m sure they’ll all learn to be brothers soon enough.”

        “What color is he?” Caroline scooped up the puppy, smiling as he licked her cheek.

        “Black and white. They call ‘im a harlequin mastiff.”

        “Hm…What should we name you?” She murmured to the pup. He yawned and curled up in her lap, tired from the drive. “What about a stately name, huh?”

        “Stately?” Alfie chuckled. “What, like some sort of mythical creature?”

        “Well, he is our dowry, it’s got to be special!” She protested.

        “Alright, love, you give him a stately name then.”

        Caroline thought to herself for a moment, stroking her hand over the puppy’s fur. “What about Apollo?”

        “Apollo, eh?” Alfie fixed the dog’s ear that had flipped over in his frenzy to greet Caroline. “Big name, guess he’ll grow into it. You gonna name all our kids after Greek gods, then?”

        Caroline went to laugh but realized she was caught off guard by the mention of kids. “Well, I…we haven’t discussed children.” She reminded him.

        Her husband went a bit quiet. It was something that was naturally assumed in the Jewish community. Get married, have as many babies as possible. Since they’d gone through with traditions, maybe Alfie had gotten a little caught up in everything. Or perhaps it was because he knew Caroline would be a wonderful mother. Maybe he had been fostering the idea of having children of his own. His own blood. His pride and joy.

        “I’m sorry, I just,” Alfie rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to spring it on ya. Just got married ‘n everything.”

        “Well I suppose it would’ve been brought up one way or another.” Caroline smiled. “If not by us then by our family.”

        “They will be expecting children.” He agreed. “But that doesn’t mean we have to-you know…”

        “No, I know.” She got a little flustered. “I know that it’s our choice. I think you’d be a great father I just think I would-” She swallowed.

        “Love,” Alfie touched her cheek and guided her eyes to his. “What’re you thinking?”

        “Honestly, Alfie, how good of a mother do you think I could possibly be?” She asked quietly, shame apparent in her voice. “How can I look after children?”

        “Well, it won’t be typical but we can work through it. You ain’t ever been limited when you want to do things, love. Why do you doubt yourself now?” Alfie murmured, his thumb stroking soothingly over her cheek.

        “Because it’s other lives. It’s not just myself, it’s children that need tending to. If I fail then I fail them too.”

        “You wouldn’t though. We’ll have help in the flat, in fact, we can move to a bigger place. You like that? Somewhere out in the country? Have more space? We’ll have help twenty-four/seven in the home for you and the kids.”

        The illusion that Alfie was painting was enticing. More space for the children to run around with the dogs. Their laughter filling the space, the scent of lavish gardens wafting through the open windows.

        But Caroline knew she wasn’t the typical wife and would never be the typical mother. “I would never be able to see how beautiful they were.” She whispered tearfully. “I’d never be able to see how much they look like you. How could I explain to them that I can’t see?”

        Alfie’s heart fell when he saw how upset she became. He wanted to reassure her that things like that didn’t matter. What mattered was her love and how caring she was. But how could he convince her when he didn’t know what she went through? Instead, he gently took Apollo from her lap and set him on the rug. Then, he pulled her in close for a hug. “I’m sorry, let’s not talk about it right now. We can discuss it later if you want or we can drop it for good.”

        Caroline cried into his shirt. “I want to be normal for you, Alfie.”

        “Hey, hey, none of that. What’s normal, aye?” He pressed his lips to her temple and rubbed her back. “I wouldn’t want you any differently, love. You’re my perfect Caroline. If I could gift you sight, then I would in a heartbeat. I’d give up me own fucking sight for you if I could. But you’re the way that you are and I’m the way that I am. Husband and wife, yeah? Right, and that’s perfect for me. What about you?”

        She swallowed her tears and nodded. “It’s perfect, Alfie, it’s perfect.” She found his face and kissed him softly.

        Being intimate with Alfie Solomons was an entirely new experience for Caroline. It was one thing to kiss him and be held in his arms. But consummating the marriage was a test of their trust. Caroline relied on his touch and soft sounds that were rare from him. In fact, behind a closed door, it appeared that Alfie’s entire armor designed to keep the world back melted.

        Caroline often wondered if he would be rough. He never had been before with her. But he was a man that craved dominance. A man of his standing didn’t get to where he was by being passive and meek.

        But there was a side to Alfie that she’d seen plenty of times before. The subdued man who desired domesticity and the affection of someone who truly adored him. The Holy Grail, for a man like him.

        It was true that he was a dominant figure. But it was enough that Caroline trusted him to deliver her to safety. He knew it wasn’t easy for her to lay down her defenses. After all, she tried so hard to make herself independent in a world that wasn’t made with her disability in mind.

        So, the two who were both fiercely independent met at the middle. Laying down their defenses and allowing the other to guide them to warmth and acceptance. Because at the end of the day, that’s what they gave each other. Trust, love, and acceptance.

        And in that moment, that was the only things left in the room. Stripped bare, a thin sheet of sweat traveling down her spine as Caroline rocked slowly in Alfie’s lap. His strong arms locked around her, his fingers pressing in between her vertebrae.

                       When she let out a soft moan, Alfie moved his hand up to the nape of her neck, cradling her close. “Okay?” He grunted quietly.

        She nodded; a bit too overwhelmed by her senses to answer with coherent words. She pressed her forehead to his shoulder and dragged her nails over his shoulder blades.

        “Let go, love, I’ve got you.” He assured her. “Let go.”

        Caroline’s eyes shut tightly and she whimpered. “Alfie.”

        “Yeah, love, I know.” His hands fell to her hips, guiding her right into her release when she lost control of her movements. Her fingernails dug into his skin and she threw her head back with a cry. Alfie buried his face in the crook of her neck, kissing and sucking on her skin as he met his peak as well.

        He patiently held her as she came down from the high. Exhausted, she slumped into him, breathing hard.

        “I love you.” She whispered.

        “I love you too.” He murmured and adjusted them so he could draw the sheets over her. He kissed her forehead and cheeks a few times as her heart rate slowed down. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

        “So are you.” She replied and captured his lips again.

Permanent Tag: @sansajonsastark

Tag List: @zazasblogxx @thinkingsofamadwoman

Masterlist 

[testifytime]

hi ardent!!! im here to be government kin assigned. you pretty much know most things about me by now, but i really love music and art! i also really like sports n science!! so, uh, a pretty wide variety of interests ghjklgh. i try hard to stay kind and optimistic, and i really care about my friends!!! ty for doin these, they seem so fun!!

-Cracks my knuckles- You didn’t specify so I’ll do all.

- A Pokemon team/type theme (+ fun facts abt your team!)

You’re a fairy-type user! Your main pokemon is Sylveon, though you also have a lil Togepi, Florges, Alcremie, Marill, and Ribombee!

Fun facts!

Your Sylveon evolved without you meaning it to! You were going to evolve it into a Vaporeon, but you befriended it so quickly that it evolved before you got the water stone!

Your Togepi likes to ride around in a little backpack you made specifically for it. It’s a huge sweetie, but it also a bit of a baby; it knows Fake Tears, so it often cries whenever it wants some attention. 

Your Florges and Ribombee help you in your garden! Ribombee makes sure that all of the flowers are pollinated, and likes to help with watering them! Florges helped you plant all the flowers and how to place them beautifully, and now keeps a close eye on them for any signs of stress or illness - which, luckily, have never happened!

Your Alcremie was a gift from someone! It adores you with its whole heart, which can sometimes be a little messy; more than once it’s tried to jump into your arms, and you’ve ended up covered in sticky cream. Its sweet is a Heart, and its flavour is Mint!

Your Marill is a little different from the others. It’s a lot shyer, and tends to cling to your legs a little more. But it’s really good with kids!! It loves to go swimming with you in fresh water lakes. 

- Bloodcaste/lusus/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck troll (+lore)

You’re a bronzeblood with a Paradise Flycatcher lusus! Your chumhandle is amiableGaitey.

You live in a small house in a meadow far away from society, living a fairly simple - albeit hard - life. There’s a stream that you get most of your water from, and a clothesline that you dry your clothes from, and as soon as the sun sets, you lose all power. It’s... a bit of a pain, honestly, but you kind of like it! You eat the berries and fruits that grow in the orchard and bushes that surround your home, and sometimes you go foraging for nuts and mushrooms, but only if your lusus gives the go-ahead. You’re pretty sure a bunch of the plants near your home are deadly. You might have even made poison once? It’s kind of weird.

You spend a lot of your time outside, going for walks and picking flowers to put into scrapbooks. Sometimes you’ll take your camera with you, and take pics of all the cool plants that you have around your home! It’s fun to show your friends later, when they’re all online, and it encourages you to go out every day just a little further to see what new things you can find. You’ve even turned it into a bit of a game! So far, you’ve managed to follow your river all the way down to the cliff that it drops from, have climbed up it, and have gone racing through the woods above. The exercise is great! You love it maybe more than anything else, and you couldn’t imagine giving it up for anything in the world. 

When you’re at home, you like to spend most of your time talking to your friends online. Your husktop is solar-powered, so you settle down in a nice sunny spot just outside your home and curl up against a big beancushion for hours until that itch to get going hits you again. Sometimes you draw - they’ve gotten you into drawing more and more frivolous things, things for you, things you might not have indulged in if they hadn’t encouraged you to - and sometimes you play games. Most of the time it’s just talking and having fun, though, and you love it! You’re pretty sure you’re all going to be friends for a very long time. You hope so, anyway. 

Your lusus is pretty small. They’re kind of fae-like, if you’re honest, and they often warn you against going in mushroom circles or going too deep into the woods. They’re a supersticious little thing, really! But they make a great navigator when you’re out and about, and they warn you of oncoming trouble pretty quick, so you don’t mind having to do weird things like hop on the stepping stones of a river after saying a little thank you.

- Symbol/guardian/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck kid (+lore)

Your symbol is a styalised bass clef that looks like a heart, and you live with your auntie! Your chumhandle is appreciativeGuitarist.

You and your auntie live in a tiny cottage at the foot of a mountain surrounded on all sides by a field of wildflowers. The kitchen doubles as a dining room, and your livingroom really only fits a small, old-fashioned tv and a sofa that’s a little too worn for wear at this point. But you have your own room! And you’ve got all your things in there, including your bike, which is kind of a pain to get in and out all the time, but you make it work. You have a small desk for your drawingpad and laptop, and a tiny bed you just about fit on, and it’s maybe a little small? But it’s also filled to the brim with clothes you love and stuffed toys you’ve collected over the years, so it’s pretty good, all things considered. Homey, more than anything.

You love to draw! You’ve really improved in the last few years, you think, and you’re getting more confident about posting your art again - so you draw, and draw, and you think maybe you’re starting to see what your friends have been telling you! You like to draw fantasy things, of yourself in different scenarios or just spending time with your friends, all of which you do on your drawing pad. It’s a pretty neat little thing to have, admittedly, though you don’t always get to save your art in the process unless you send it to yourself and save it on your phone - but it means that you’re more inclined to send your art to your friends, and you’re pretty sure they love seeing what you’ve made. 

You love to go out and about, and your little space in nature gives you the perfect place to release all that pent up energy. There’s planty of beaten paths for you to follow, and a whole moutain for you to trek up if you want! You’ve gotten lost a few times, but that’s okay; the wifi signal is weirdly good up there, and it’s easy enough to figure out a way back down again before nightfall. It makes for a pretty good bike track, too, with plenty of dips and bumps that make your stomach flip whenever you go over them too fast.

You have a bunch of friends online! Actually, you have a bunch of people who just kind of flock to you for guidance and leadership, too? It’s a little weird, and it can be a bit intimidating, but you really like being able to help people, even if it means overwhelming yourself sometimes to be good at it. Your friends make it worth it, anyway. They make you laugh and make you feel better when you’re down - which doesn’t happen often, but sometimes it’s hard to keep smiling, and they remind you that that’s okay - and they make such wonderful things with you!! You love being able to talk to them, love spending time with them, and even love getting teased by them (which, you tease them back, of course). 

You like to sit out in the field of flowers just as the sun starts to set, and the sky slowly turns from blue to orange. The wind rustles the flowers around you and curls your hair around your cheeks, and sometimes, you wonder if maybe you’re not alone.

- A FNAF animatronic design and name

You’re a sweet, pink and white boardercollie with lots of hearts in your design! Your eartips are curled over, your pupils and nose heart-shaped, and you have cute little toebeans on each paw. Your chest fur, paws, belly, and the underside of your tail are white, along with your muzzle and a stripe up to your forehead, but every other part of you is a beautiful pastel pink!

You’re designed to be a friend to any child who seems upset or let out at a party, to make them feel special and to bring them back into the fun or even just to spend the whole day with them! 

You have a designated name - Collie - but you like to let the kids decide what to name you, too. It’s fun! And it helps to make them feel like you’re a Special Friend, so you often get trusted with their secrets - like if another kid is a bully, or if they’re maybe not too happy at home. You do your best to make their time at the pizzaria as fun and happy as possible to make up for all the bad things they have to deal with - and honestly, they love going to Freddy’s just to see you! It’s their favourite place in the whole wide world because they know you’re there. 

(You also tend to send information back to the owners about anything worrying you’ve heard while out on the floor. This has saved a lot of kids. They’ve often come back in smiling brighter than you’ve ever seen them, and they haven’t needed you after that, but that’s okay. You know that’s for the best.)

- A BNHA Quirk and hero title

Your quirk is Uplift, which allows you to raise the spirits of any person who hears your voice! It doesn’t matter how down they are or how villainous they may be; as soon as they hear you, their hearts are filled with brightness and warmth. The downside to your quirk, unfortunately, is that it can be draining on you: sometimes you Uplift others so much, that your own mood starts to drop, and you start to get emotionally tired. When this happens, you just need a little company, warmth, and love to get you back to normal. Cuddlepuddles with blankets and hot chocolate ARE common after training.

Your hero title is The Inspiring Hero: Restoraise! You’re more of a support hero than a daylight one, and not very high on the charts, but that’s not what matters to you. What matters is keeping people calm and full of hope whenever you’re on the scene - be that upset civillains, trapped victims, or even hopeless villains. You refuse to let anyone down if there’s even a slim chance that everyone can be saved or redeemed! 

[imhereforthetryus]

A Day Dream Away, A Crushing Spirt

Warning ⚠️ (the f-word is used once but it internalized homophobia) Warning ⚠️ angst but dont worry there some fluff along with the 1144 words of angst ( @green-lemonboys im coming for your crown as angst ruler) tag: @criminalambis sorry it took so long enjoy and i hope i did your song justice (aged them up to about 16-17 give or take bcs I needed drunk Tj for one of the lyrics and Cyrus needs to be old enough to be a designated driver):

I wish you could see your face right now

'Cause you're grinning like a fool.

TJ loved when Cyrus smiled, or when Cyrus just did anything, but he loved Cyrus smile the best and he loved that he could make Cyrus smile.

And we're sitting on your kitchen floor

On a Tuesday afternoon.

That Why TJ couldn't refuse Cyrus whenever he wanted to hang out with him, sure he had a ton of math homework and it wouldn’t do him good to put it off, but Cyrus made him feel good and that was close enough right?

It doesn't matter when we get back

To doing what we do 'Cause right now could last forever,Just as long as I'm with you

TJ knew Cyrus would forgive him eventually TJ always knew, Cyrus had to forgive, even if a few years passed before TJ could man up to say sorry finally done with Kira manipulation, and Cyrus just waved hi to TJ today and even sat down with him for a few minutes and how pathetic it was for TJ to be so excited about a wave and a smile but as long as he was with Cyrus, he was happy.

We would go out on the weekend

To escape our busy lives

And we'd laugh at all the douche bag guys

Chasing down their desperate wives

Sometimes they would go down to the pier to people watch after all they outgrew the swing sets, not like you could see more than a few kids and as the cold air blew sometimes Cyrus would lean on TJ shoulders and those were the best moments.

I would drink a little too much

You'd offer me a ride

And I would offer you a t-shirt

TJ felt the blush turn up on his cheeks, he had gotten drunk to forget surprise surprise he managed to hurt Cyrus again, and he didn't even know why in his drunken state he called Cyrus, because he always wanted to see him even when Cyrus didn't, TJ felt stupid as Cyrus, blocked him up, he felt stupid when the airy silence fell through the car he especially felt stupid when he threw up all over himself a chaotic mess like he was pitiful and disgusting, but he felt like everything when Cyrus just noticed him and he felt happy letting Cyrus shirt wrap around him keeping him warm, that was probably the best night of his life and he would do anything to keep that t shirt as long as it smelled like Cyrus

And you would stay another night

You're just a daydream away

I wouldn't know what to say if I had you

And I'll keep you a daydream away

Just watch from a safe place

So I never have to lose

TJ knew Cyrus had to leave Cyrus always had to leave unlike TJ, Cyrus whole life wasn't planned according to him, but how TJ selfishly wished it did, sure everyone had a crush but TJ fell hard for Cyrus and he knew it wouldn't hurt to try because if Cyrus didn't like him he would still hang out with him, but it would hurt bcs Cyrus not feeling comfortable around TJ was a fate worse than rejection.

We never stood a chance out there

Shooting love in real time

So we'll take it over ice tonight

TJ wasn't dumb well yes he was but that was another issue and despite popular belief about jocks, he was aware of other people , aware of the crude homophobic comments his teammates made about Cyrus in the hallway the one they think TJ didn't hear but he did and sure he told them to knock it off and fought them but it never worked for long, he wished he wasn't such a coward, but that was always the problem he cared too much what everyone will think he could hear the whisper now

“you know about TJ Kippen”

“Amber brother right”

“yeah apparently he a f*g”

He could see the stares of his classmates trailing behind slowly circling him and the future shoves, and name calling, his dad disappointed look,his mom face as she hears the latest gossip buzzing around town, he could hear his name in their mouths substituting Cyrus name with his, yeah while it was horrible TJ wanted to be free the freedom only being out can give and sometimes instead of lust, TJ looked at Cyrus with ice cold envy and that was the worse look in the world.

With a little salt

And a little lime

You're just a daydream away

But sometimes TJ had moments, nice moments with Cyrus that made TJ think that he could have the courage to ask him out but TJ knew better no matter how many days they spent cooking in the kitchen making a mess, laughing as they clean up and eating their sandwiches with a cool limeade at the pier feeding the leftovers to the ducks, Cyrus would always be unreachable.

I wouldn't know what to say if I had you

And I'll keep you a daydream away

Just watch from a safe place

TJ often watched Cyrus like a tv screen, any little thing Cyrus would do like how when they got snacks Cyrus would always wait 3 seconds till TJ had a bite before taking some, exactly 3 sec like clockwork, and how whenever Cyrus was nervous he would twitch his eye and unless you looked closely you would miss it, and as much as TJ wanted to grab cyrus and just kiss him he didn't he wouldn't so he settled for touching him constantly like any way he could get away with it, a pat on the back, moving closer to Cyrus put a smile to his face and made his heartbeat fast, his palm sweat but it was worth it ofcourse it was always worth it.

So I never have to lose

You're just a daydream away

TJ philosophy is you can't lose if you don't play, and well despite that he still lost,when he wasn’t playing was he lost many times, he lost when Cyrus flirted with the new guy, he lost when they dated, he won when they broke up but in the end TJ was tired of losing Cyrus to jerks that would break Cyrus trusting heart and to do that maybe TJ would finally talk to Cyrus how he wanted to talk to him all along

I wouldn't know what to say if I had you

And TJ didn't know what to say, truthfully he never knew and he may not ever know but he wanted to say marry me but someone beat him to it, and like always TJ cried and he would always cry because now Cyrus smile wasn’t enough and perhaps it will never be enough

[white-spirit-of-darkness]

Fate’s Design, Chapter 4

Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Summary:  A long time ago, a single drop of sunlight fell from the sky. For several centuries the magic of the sun went undiscovered, until the kingdom of Corona needed a miracle to save their most precious treasure.

When the only son of the King and his Consort is stolen from them, it seems like the magic of the sun is lost to the world once again, until that very same magic brings together two completely different people, changing the course of destiny forever.

AO3: This chapter | From the beggining

General warnings:  Child abduction, manipulative Deceit, villian Deceit, mentions of homophobia and angst. Each chapter will have individual warnings if necessary.

Chapter warnings: Mentions of childbirth

@imtherealjose this is for ya, ily 

Logan had always known he'd be welcoming a child of his into the world sooner or later. Ever since he was a kid himself, his parents and tutors and nannies had told him about the importance for a king to have children that he could crown as heirs, not that he had really cared when he was seven years old. As he grew up, however, the idea of his impending marriage and hypothetical children became a certain thing in his future. 

During his teen years he'd gone on what must have been thousands of dates with princesses and noblewomen, trying to find "his perfect match" as his stepmother often said. Not one of the young and pretty ladies managed to maintain his attention for longer than a few weeks, though not because of any fault of theirs. Logan was often in awe of their intelligence and wit, and he found them charming and kind, but his brief relationships never went anywhere. He tried, of course. He tried as best as he could to be attentive and interested, but his mind just… went anywhere but the ladies he courted.  Always thinking about a new book, a different puzzle, the next lesson- he barely knew how he managed to begin any courtships at all. Those girls must have really wanted the chance to become queens one day, if they were willing to put up with such a distracted buffon, not that Logan had been the one to call himself that in the first place. 

No, that had been his father, after the fifth girl’s parents announced their choice to end the courtship, not that Logan minded; Saphira was too much a friend for him to consider her a potential wife. He wasn’t attracted to her in the slightless, and while they could have made it work, and Saphira would have been an incredible queen, they both decided that it wasn’t worth it. The only reason why they even tried in the first place was because of a prophecy that Saphira’s mother had received upon her birth, that one day her blood would pass unto the throne of Corona. As children, Logan and Saphira often joked about how he should just give up the throne to her, and save them the marriage. Funny how the universe managed to make everything fall into place. 

Logan had not married her, much to the disappointment of the entire court. They had remained friends, even if the years forced them apart when Logan was crowned King right after his twenty-first birthday and Saphira’s family moved to the northern region. She’d been the first person that Logan told about his feelings for Patton when he finally realized he had them, a hurried letter full of exclamation marks and almost unintelligible rambling. She’d also been the first to receive an invitation to their wedding a couple years later, and she’d been the one to deliver the rings in the ceremony, a beaming smile on her face as she stepped to the side. It only made sense that their paths would cross even further, taking them to the night when Logan and Patton sat next to her bedside, each of them holding one of her hands as she screamed in pain and several midwives offered encouraging words. 

Saphira, kind, selfless and wonderful, giving them the most precious gift; a gift that Logan would have never dared ask for, but had been freely offered by her, to him, because she loved him as a friend and as a King, and she said she wanted to give him and Patton the chance at having a family that they wouldn’t have had otherwise.  

When the baby’s cries filled the room, Logan could not believe what was happening. Saphira’s face was full of exhausted relief, and Logan could only watch as Patton cried while holding her, because the child they had longed for was finally there, and the senior midwife was turning to them and announcing the birth of a healthy boy. 

Logan had always known that one day he’d welcome a child of his blood into the world; it was the way nobility worked: a King had children so that the throne could be inherited. Logan had never expected his life to  take him to that night, next to his best friend and the love of his life, holding a child born out of love and happiness. 

“What will the name of the baby be, Your Majesty?” asked one of the midwives, a young woman with clear green eyes. Logan turned to look at Patton, who returned his smile with a nod. 

“I believe Lady Saphira should do the honors”, he answered, gently passing the baby back to his mother. The tired woman gave him a grateful look before smiling down at the fussy baby in her arms. 

“Aren’t you the most precious thing in the entire world?” she muttered, her soft voice interrupting the eager silence of the room. The baby was so small, so fragile, so beautiful; time seemed to stop as Saphira contemplated the child that she had brought to the world for another family to love and raise, and there was no hint of hesitation as she turned to look at Patton and offered him the child.  

“Roman”, she said, and around her the world exploded back into happy giggles and coos from the other people in the room, as her eyes found Logan’s. “His name is Roman”.

Patton was now holding the baby, the tiny human that now held all of Logan’s heart in his tiny hands, unaware that he had lots of people waiting to hear about him, to learn of his name. 

“Oh, Saphira” he said, falling to his knees next to her bed, grabbing one of her hands and holding it, sure that there was nothing as precious as her benevolence, as selfless as her love. “I couldn’t have chosen a better name. I cannot thank you enough, I cannot express the magnitude of what I feel, because what you’ve done for me, for us, goes beyond what can be thanked with mere words. I promise to you that you’ll never find yourself in need of anything, and I extend this promise to every single one of your descendants for as long as my family survives, because without you I wouldn’t have a family to speak of”.

“That is a powerful promise to make, my King” mused Saphira, her voice a bit choked up, which made Logan look up and meet her eyes. She looked like an angel, the light coming from the lamps on the walls framing her face like a halo, and she was crying, too. “All I ask is that you love him well, that you never stop loving your family. That would be enough for me, for I don’t desire riches nor fame. Upon my birth a seer predicted that one day my blood would join yours, and tonight the prophecy has proven true, in the most beautifully unexpected way possible”.

“Unexpected indeed”. Logan smiled, remembering the countless moments of teasing and laughter between them, all the moments that had led them there. Patton was crying silently, the tears falling down his smiling face, the baby in his arms sleeping soundly. The little blanket that covered him had been crafted by Patton’s own hands, months of careful and dedicated work turned into a delicate expression of the purest love. The red and yellow thread that had been transformed into an intricate pattern of crowns and hearts had formed a soft blanket that was finally wrapped around the child, keeping him warm and protected. 

Unexpected was alright, he thought to himself as the midwives asked them to leave the room, so that the exhausted mother could rest. The baby was gently laid in a crib next to Saphira’s bed, the peaceful atmosphere undisturbed by the outside world. Unexpected was good, he thought as he and Patton walked hand in hand through the corridor towards the castle doors, not caring that they were wearing their pajamas or that they looked tired, ready to announce to the kingdom the wonderful news. Unexpected was perfect, he thought as the spokesman’s voice boomed above them in the first rays of sunlight of the most wondrous morning of his life. 

Patton was at his side, and they belonged together, and their love was now welcoming a new person to the world, and Saphira was probably asleep, away from all the noisy merriment that filled the streets as the trumpets announced the birth of Prince Roman on the early hours of the third day of the sixth month. 

“Logan?”

“Yes, my love?” 

Patton was resting his head on Logan’s shoulder, his voice barely audible under the cheers of  Long live Prince Roman! that resonated through the courtyard and beyond. 

“I love you” was all he said, and Logan chuckled. 

Unexpected, very unexpected indeed, but he would not change it for anything in the entire world. 

“I love you, too”.

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added)

@depressed-lgbt-cat 

@ukuleleanomaly

@heartfelt-piece-of-trash

@dead4sevenyears

@im-a-giraffe666

@journalanxiety

@mellow-yellow-nutella

@icequeenoriginal

[tumblunni]

I JUST REALIZED WHO THIS GUY’S JAPANESE VOICE REMINDS ME OF

Friggin Muchigoro from the sixth One Piece movie! The random half fish half plant probably some human in there somewhere dude who has a pet giant death goldfish and is generally the cutest man on earth

AND THEN THAT MOVIE INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIZED ME

Seriously i still cannot believe this movie even EXISTS, its such a bizarre form of..like..trolling you into accidentally watching a really good movie??? Posters and preproduction material and the art style and the actual name of the thing = “oh its a cute adventure about everyone playing goofy carnival games on carnival island im sure this villain Baron Carnival will absolutely not jumpscare me with something such as for example a sympathetic comic relief goldfish friend remembering that he’s already dead and reliving the process of drowning again while on dry land and you the viewer have to watch every second of it”

SERIOUSLY FUCKIN HELL I STILL MOURN YOU, MUCHIGORO

This film actually turned out to be a FUCKIN AMAZING lovecraftian horror thing where the Fun And Innocent Carnival Games slowly manipulate our heroes into bickering amoungst each other and pick them off one by one with just the excuse of ‘oh he totally abandoned you he wasnt really your friend after all’ (MEANWHILE THE ADORABLE REINDEER MASCOT IS GASPING FOR AIR AS HE’S PINCUSHIONED BY ARROWS IN THE BACKGROUND)

And then fuckin.. super fancy cute mr baron carnival man is actually sacrificing everyone who loses his carnival games to a fuckin terrifying evil spirit of the forest who’s fused to the flesh of his shoulder and whispering dark thoughts into his very bloodstream. And you get to see a fucked up abomination of twisted human flesh fused into a plant stem while our cute happy-go-lucky protagonist cries out that he has no reason to live now his friends are dead and its like WHAT THE ACTUAL JESUS FUCK IS HAPPENING

Oh and at the same time its SURPRISINGLY DEEP and evil carnival dude has a really sympathetic reason behind it all. You see, EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ISLAND IS DEAD! once upon a time he really was just a goofy cute carnival themed pirate dude with a big ol family of funny buddies. And then they all DIED HORRIBLY and this forbidden hellbeast made a pact with him to ressurect them if he murdered other people in return. Yes, everyone having adorable lil flowers and leafs on their head was DARK FORESHADOWING ALL ALONG

So that gets us back around to this super memorable goddamn character! Poor muchigoro!! he’s just a funny doofus who loves his pet fishie and also apparantly his boss. Like he’s really loyal and hero-worshippy to baron festival mc evilplanman, and baron festival mc evilplanman looks so goddamn GENUINELY FORLORN every damn second theyre together. There’s so many foreshadows where this dude is like ‘ha ha isnt every day wonderful when we’re together, im so happy you all enjoy these funny carnival games i made for you to all never be sad ever again’. *looks like he’s fuckin dying inside* jesus christ seriously are we really doing a plot about a suicidal man who lost everyone he ever loved and now he locks himself up with these fake illusions of what they used to be like, struggling with the fact he knows its wrong to kill others to sustain their life but he loves them so much he just cant stop himself AND WHO SAW THIS COMING FROM GODDAMN GOLDFISH HUGS BEANMAN

So yeah GOLDFISH HUGS BEANMAN is your first mega scarring moment hinting at the dark plot. He almost accidentally tells the heroes about whats going on, since he doesnt actually know he’s dead and ends up stumbling into a gap in his memory. And then the Ominous Forest Sentience just fuckin.. revokes his life permissions. Dude drops dead for getting too close to knowing the truth. Incredibly graphically. And then even worse is that he just reappears again later on, back in comic relief mode and apparantly unable to remember anything. He’s all “haha boss thats so weird i fell asleep on the job! I’m totally fine now tho!” and boss dude is like *bittersweet look* “i’m so glad i cant bear to see you without a smile on your face” *casually glances over the fact he just fuckin fed a guy’s soul to the dessicated corpse of his best friend and he just got back up”

And theres loads of equally depressing stuff with all the other equally adorable buddies!! There’s the ring toss attraction with a trio of adorable tiny elderly folks in funny frog costumes, this weird ice hockey/cooking competition combo game with a big scary buff dude who has a soft spot for bunny hair clips, and A LITERAL TEN YEAR OLD CHILD WHO WAS ALSO AMOUNGST THE DEAD

Oh goddd, Gappa is the one that traumatized me second much next to Muchigoro. He’s a cute kid in a goofy DJ costume but also he seems to be the one whose sense of self has most been eroded by becoming a soul-eating hellbeast? He’s introduced adorably trying to steal the hat of one of the protagonists cos he wants to be all cool fashion, and then suddenly out of nowhere his eyes go red and he murders the dude for saying no. And this wasnt even under orders from the boss dude or anything, boss dude just turns up to find the poor kid still staring off into space like he doesnt know what happened. He fuckin ate a dude’s soul and crushed the skull of his friend who tried to avenge him, and was pincushioned by a bunch of swords and just casually pulled them out of his ribcage. So he’s just sitting there disassociating the fuck out! “What did i just do, why did i do that, why did he cut me and i dont bleed?” And boss guy holds him and comforts him and tells him obvious lies about how he’s..just a very strong kid. He’s just such a great fighter that he totally must have dodged all that guy’s attacks. Don’t worry. And its such a brief scene but you get the sense that this must have happened a million times, the kid keeps accidentally ‘breaking’ people and getting close to realizing he’s a walking corpse and because of his father figure trying to shield him from the realization its just fucking up his mental state even more and he’s become the perfect host for the fuckin EVIL NIGHTMARE FOREST GOD THING

Anyway eventually we get to the final confrontation involving every one of our heroes being soul-nommed except one, and he’s barely able to drag his arrow-riddled body across the battlefield to keep on fighting. And the last you see of all the comic relief corpse dudes is them being confused why they feel so sleepy, and dropping to the floor one by one. You get the sense this whole thing is really fuckin desperate, the boss dude must have been running out of people to feed to the horrifying corpse machine and he’s had to deal with his friends slowly dying around him. And there’s this really messed up moment where all the heroes getting soul-nabbed is presented as a HAPPY MOMENT for the cute comic relief guys. You see them all come back to life and be like ‘yay another perfect day at perfect carnival island with all our very non dead friends!’ And then when the hero finally wins and saves everyone, its punctuated by a depressing note of all the funny dudes simultaneously vanishing into dust forever. leaving behind nothing but a bunch of plants growing out of a pile of empty clothes. Like the scariest damn part is how its left ambiguous whether the creepy ass forest god was even really capable of ressurecting the dead or if it was just puppeting a bunch of dolls and imitating what this man remembers of his dead friends. though the fact they were able to act on their own free will and almost mess up the plan sometimes would imply there’s at least some level of the original person still left there. but still theres also the whole freaky scene of Murder Child Does Not Remember Murdering All These People so..yeah. Horrifying ambiguity.

And then it just ends with poor boss carnival dude looking at his bloodstained hands desperately trying to hold together the dead corpse of this god that promised to keep his friends alive. He fuckin HOLDS INTESTINES IN HIS HANDS WHILE SOBBING! And what super extra sucks is that they dont give him any sort of resolution of getting to move on and atone now he’s free of that thing’s control. He just desperately tries to backstab the hero at the last moment cos he’s just so lost in grief for his friends, and thus ends up dying. And the last you see of him is him floating in the void while he hears the sound of the shipwreck that killed his friends so long ago, and fuckin CUTE VOICE OF FUNNYMAN MUCHIGORO welcomes him to the goddamn afterlife. While crying that he wishes his boss was able to move on without him and live a little longer instead.

END

CUE HAPPY CREDITS MUSIC

CUE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE CRYING FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS

i am sobbing into my keyboard just remembering this, seriously i dont even fuckin LIKE One Piece yet im somehow a giant fan of this one singular filler arc written by some other author. WHERE IS MY ENTIRE DAMN HUNDRED EPISODE ANIME ABOUT THIS PLOTLINE?? it has fuckin NOTHING to do with One Piece either, you coulda replaced the protagonists with the protagonists of any other anime and it woulda worked just as well. Its just like fuckin... Happy Anime Dudes Take A Brief Vacation To An Entirely Different Story About Horror Murder. like i know One Piece does have its own sad and deep stories sometimes but not EXISTENTIAL HORROR OF GOLDFISH FRIENDO

I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE TRAUMATIZED BY THIS ADORABLE BEAN BOY

rip muchigoro

...anyway i suppose i might be subconciously drawn to characters who have anything in common with him cos of the sheer PLEASE UNDO THE HELL YOU INFLICTED UPON THIS FUNNYMANS factor.

also I guess Mr Movien is kinda like his character design upside down. big head mode vs tiny head mode: FIGHT!!!

in conclusion i wish i had not remembered the tears of this

[happytreasure]

angsty hc: After the pups they weren't necessarily trying for another litter but also being inconsistent with protection. So, during a movie night Eddie starts cramping horribly, he reassures Richie that he's fine but a quick trip to the bathroom reveals he isn't. His boxers are covered in blood and he freaks tf out. At the hospital they find out that he suffered a miscarriage, but they didn't even know he was pregnant. The grief still hits them hard and Richie has to watch for signs of a drop.

ooooo we love a good angst hc, i actually ended up writing a lil drabble for this 

also  this a very heavy topic so i hope im handled it with care, please don’t read it if it’s triggering!

And just to clarify in my AU male omegas don’t get periods because they’re only really fertile during heat. And since in my AU male omegas give birth through a vaginal opening that manifests days/weeks before the birth the only reason for blood is a miscarriage or a serious medical problem.  Also! This takes place about a year after Eddie’s the surrogate for Mike and Bill’s pups

Having three toddlers isn’t an easy task, but Richie and Eddie make it work. Luckily, promising to put on their favorite movie and cook up some popcorn usually buys the household an hour or two of peace and quiet. Thursday nights are designated  movie nights, so Eddie finds himself as he usually does cuddled up to Richie’s side on their couch. Theo is pressed up to Richie’s other side and Evelyn is laying against his chest. Eddie himself has Camille on his lap. The other losers are cuddled on the couch as well, all focused on the TV screen.

It’s about half way through the movie when Eddie gets a sudden cramp in his lower abdomen. Camille looks up at him in confusion when he tenses, but he simply presses a kiss to her forehead and pulls her close to his chest. The cramp passes quickly, and Eddie’s sure it must be because he’s getting his heat soon. It’s a few weeks late, and Eddie was starting to get a bit concerned, sometimes his cycle was inconsistent, but it’s never this late. Although Richie and he hadn’t been the best about  keeping up with protection. In Eddie’s defense it’s easy to forget to take your birth control when you have three toddlers.

A few more minutes pass before another horrible cramp hits him. He actually gasps this time, catching Richie’s attention.

His husband raises an eyebrow, and Eddie gives him a pained smile. ‘Cramps’ he mouths. Richie nods in understanding.

“Hey sweet pea,” Richie says to Camille, “Come sit on my lap with Evie, I think she’s lonely.”

“Am not!” Evelyn protests, but she happily cuddles up to her sister.

Eddie gives Richie a grateful look and places a hand on his stomach, hoping to massage the cramp out. However, it’s of no use. Another few minutes later another cramp rips through him. He clutches his stomach which earns him a concerned look from Richie.

“I’m fine, just gonna go to the bathroom,” he says quickly.

He scampers to the bathroom wondering why his preheat cramps are so horrible. Usually he’ll experience lightheadedness or drowsiness first. He closes the door gently behind him and tugs his sweats down. Before he can even get them all the way down he notices the blood painting his thighs. He gasps, quickly pulling down his boxers and finding them drenched in blood.

His breathing gets a bit heavy and he looks between his legs to find blood is seeping out of him. He takes a deep breath and immediately removes his ruined clothes and grabs a wash cloth. He hastily wipes himself down, trying to control his breathing.

Richie, he thinks, I need Richie.

He opens the bathroom door and leans his head out, “Richie!”

He quickly closes the door after he calls out his mate’s name. He doesn’t want him to see the blood.

He faintly hears Richie call back before there’s footsteps, they get progressively faster the closer he gets.

“Eds!” Richie says frantically, “Eds, what’s wrong, I can smell your blood.”

“Richie,” he replies calmly, “I need you to go get me boxers and dark sweats, I bled through my pants.”

“You bled through?! Eddie we need to go to the hospital!”

“Get me clothes first!” he counters.

Another cramp takes him by surprise and he winces. He listens to Richie’s footsteps as he scrambles around their bedroom.

“Here, open the door,” he says.

Eddie complies, rushing to tug the new clothes on. He grabs a towel so he won’t bleed everywhere and looks up at Richie. His husband is looking at him with wide, terrified eyes.

It finally hits him. The severity of how wrong this is. He begins hyperventilating, eyes welling up with tears.

Richie quickly picks him up and races out to the living room, “Bev I need you to drive! Quick! We need to go to the hospital now!”

All six kids look up at him with wide eyes. Beverly doesn’t hesitate to jump up and grab the keys.

“I’ll explain in the car,” he promises her.

She nods and rushes into the garage to pull the car out.

“Is daddy hurt?” Evelyn asks, looking up at Richie with big brown eyes.

Eddie sobs against Richie’s chest and he can’t tell if it’s because his daughter’s concern or the pain.

“Daddy’s sick right now, princess, but your uncles are gonna take good care of you until we’re back, okay?” he says, trying to sound as soothing as possible.

He turns to the others, “I’ll explain later, but we need to go now, please take care of them.”

“Of course,” Stan promises.

With his friends’ reassurance he quickly rushes outside to the car.

-

Eddie’s laying rigidly on the hospital bed. His knees are tucked to his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around them.

The ordeal is mostly over, but Eddie hasn’t said a word since the doctor mentioned term miscarriage. He went silent after that, relying on Richie to answer questions and explain.

He can feel the absolute disappointment and grief radiating of his mate. 

The doctor gives Eddie one last concerned look before turning to Richie, “Watch him for drops,” he instructs.

“Eds-baby,” Richie says once the door closes behind the doctor.

“Don’t,” he snaps, voice breaking as he tries to hold back tears.

“Eddie you can’t shut me out,” he says.

“I can’t fucking understand you, why’d you stay with me through it all,” Eddie whispers.

“What do you mean? Because you were in pain and I—“

“No, why do you stay with a broken omega,” he states.

Richie’s slightly taken aback, “Eddie you’re not—“

“But I am, I almost lost our first litter and now my body killed our next,” he says harshly.

“Eddie you didn’t—“

“But I did! It’s my fucked up body that can’t carry a kid,” he snaps.

Richie walks over and kneels next to the bed. He grabs Eddie’s hand in his and squeezes. “Baby, I don’t blame you,” he says firmly.

Eddie looks at him with red-rimmed eyes like he’s trying so hard to believe Richie’s words but just can’t.

“I could never blame you for what happened,” he continues, voice cracking, “and we need to grieve over this, but, baby, you can’t blame yourself.”

Eddie opens his arms and Richie immediately pulls him close. The water works start then, with Eddie letting out loud, heart-wrenching sobs. He continues to apologize but Richie shushes him, and crawls onto the small hospital bed with him.

Richie holds Eddie tight until he cries himself to sleep.

Once he hears his omega’s breath even out he find his own cheeks wet with tears. It hits him that they could’ve had another pup, another baby. The shock of it all feels overwhelming, but he’s too exhausted to confront reality in its entirety. He pulls Eddie closer and tries to fall into what he knows will be a fruitless sleep.

[vxnevermorevx]

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

[frogspencer]

truth tag game 

tagged by it said @you reading this so what the heck 

I tag (u guys dont have to do this if u dont want to): @homopoe @guitaristtwelve @maidsonas @medicsonas @friskibitz

Last:

Drink: rootbeer surprisingly 

Phone Call: my mom hee hoo 

Text Message: i sent a gif to my friend of a bunch of computer animated jello dudes jiggling around 

Song you listened to: some lofi song i think 

Time you cried: .....like, two days ago, lol 

Have you ever:

Kissed someone and regretted it: no B’) 

Lost someone special: yea

Been depressed: i have depression hooty hoo 

Been drunk and thrown up: im a minor 

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: yea babie

Fallen out of love: no

Met someone who changed you? yeah i Love my friends Id die for all of them 

General:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life? 4

Do you have any pets? a dog named st augustine and a cat named marty, i didnt name either of them 

Do you want to change your name? Nah ive already changed it to my old nickname almost officially the only people who call me my birth name are little old ladies who just need to try to guess ur “real name”  

What time did you wake up this morning? um. i dont know anymore honestly

What were you doing last night? sleeping 

Name something you cannot wait for: happiness? hello? 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? .....strong maybe 

What’s getting on your nerves right now? my momther 

Blood type: i sure do have some blood. its, pretty neat. i cant remember my blood type, 

Nickname: COOL GUY, milk-drinker, dumbass, 

Zodiac sign: libra

Pronouns: they/them 

Favorite show: psych and doctor who 

College:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hair color: light brown 

Do you have a crush on someone? pineapple soda.......hold me in your strong, strong arms... 

What do you like about yourself? i have cool hair and im a pretty funney guy sometimes! i do like that im passionate abt stuff but i also get on my own nerves so

Firsts:

Surgery: um, when i was a little kid another little kid tried to hug me and i backed up into a drawer and had to get stitches 

Piercing: just my ears but the holes closed up a long time ago 

Sport you joined: never done a sport...hee Hoo! 

Vacation: disneyland cause i used to live in CA

Pair of sneakers: Uh. IDK 

Right now:

Eating: some good ol ghghegherdela chocolates i stole from the pantry

Drinking: nothing

Listening to: nothing atm but ive been listening to loser by beck and wham bam shang-a-lang by silver a Lot 

Want kids? n.....ah..........

Get married? YEAH BABIE (update: i just realized this is under “right now” im not married rn and im definitely not the age for marriage but someday i do want to get married)

Career: im a janitor Yo someday id like to be a graphic designer, this sounds like something a goofy friend side character would say 

Which is better?

Lips or eyes? b...both

Hugs or kisses? BOTH

Shorter or taller? hm i dont rlly care 

Hookup or relationship? relationship

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: no the wildest drink ive downed is shitty black conference coffee pumped with hot cocoa packs and like 3 creamer packets and also even if i wasnt a minor im a weenie 

Lost contacts/glasses: dont have glasses yet 

Broken someone’s heart: Uh i sure hope not 

Been arrested: by the fashion police 

Turned someone down: Yeah! Not Fun! 

Do you believe:

In yourself? :)

In love at first sight? yeah or do i have to walk past you agai

[byul-bit-arae]

11 Questions Tag

(THIS GOT SO LONG I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL OTL)

So a few days ago I got tagged by the beautiful @ramune-and-rain to do this 11 Questions Tag, so here we go!!

1. Would you rather explore the many planets in the universe or explore the wonderous depths of our oceans. Tbh I love the ocean but bc I'm not the best swimmer out there and also bc I'm kind of so inlove with astronomy I'd rather explore the universe~ 2. Can you describe your favourite colour without saying what it is and it’s shades. idk how am I supposed to do that but, I'd say it's really comfortable, a common choice for clothes, not light but totally not the darkest, some people link it to gloominess or indecisiveness 3. Your bias texts you, mistaking your number for one of their friend’s. Do you talk to them and keep up an act or do you admit the mistake? How do you do it? What happens after? Considering I know it's my bias that is messaging me? Or as in just my crush? Either ways I'd tell them they've got the wrong number, but also make sure not to make them feel embarrassed for the mistake. Try to be as kind as possible and laugh it off, if they keep on messaging me after I'd gladly chat with them but if they don't I wouldn't initiate a conversation, I tend to think of this kind of stuff as bothersome often 4. Describe your favourite feature of one of your best friends without saying what it is. Why? Omg I'm so bad at this ;_; well it's probably the feature you'd want the most in a best friend, and since they have it it makes you really comfortable when you're with them, you don't need to bluff or hide anything, it also makes them the first person to pop in your head whenever something happens. Okay so I believe I can say what it is now that I'll be saying why it's my favorite It's being able to tell them every single thing, even if it's embarrassing or your most top secret. I've literally cried my eyes out during some conversations with Nana. Whenever things get really tough or I'm just feeling uneasy or sad she'd always be there to listen to whatever blahblah I have to say and comfort me and make me feel better about myself I love her so much idk what I'd do without her she's like my personal psychologist (SHOUTOUT TO MY BABY NABI;;;;) 5. What super power would you have and how would you use it? Would you choose the path of a hero or villain? I'd like to fly/float and just get away from all the noise and chaos and fly up to somewhere peaceful and meditate this is like what I want to do every single day. I'd be a villain but not a violent rough one, more like quiet cold one 6. What are 3 things includes in your ideal type? Why? Would you accept someone without these features?

1/ height I'm 170cm and that's considered rather tall where I live so I'm often bothered by that so I'd like someone tall to make me look shorter

2/ beautiful smile One of the things I notice first about someone is their smile *cough my crush cough* I find a mischievous wide smile really charming

3/ spontaneous affection (?) I didn't know what to call this but I just mean someone whom being really gentle and loving is in their nature. Honestly I don't think I'd ever accept someone shorter than me, I can omit the smile thing bc if you like someone, their looks just grow to be perfect to you but height and gentleness are necessities for me 7. Vampires, Werewolves or witches? If you could become one, which would you choose and why? Witches!! Reason is that I'm not into neither vampires not werewolves lol and witches are cool when they cast spells 8. If you released a mini album with 4 songs, what would the song titles be? (I will fight whoever says this is Astro influenced but I gotta say it's an epic coincidence) 01. Pleiades A short dreamy-ish track that's good to listen to at night under the starlight. 02. Summer Vibes *title Actually me and my bffs were playing this game where we pick a word/theme and make a song out of it and I clearly remember the song I created with 'summer'. A happy go lucky song about having fun during summer. 03. Flower Bees are attracted to flowers, but while C is a flower, A isn't a bee, so they keep on unconsciously playing with their feelings. (credits to my bff on this) 04. Midnight Thoughts A slow sad song, where I talk about my worries and insecurities, something like Agust D's The Last. 9. Describe what you feel right now by using a metaphor without including the word to describe how you are feeling. It feels like there is a tsunami a few meters away, heading towards me, and all I got to face it is a small life vest. 10. Your bias from one group confesses to you in front of your bias from another group. They quickly confess their love. Who do you choose? They cannot be your Ult bias. Wow that's a toughie. Let's say, moonbin and hansol(Vernon).. tbh I'd hate making either of them upset, but I think I'd choose hansol??? idk if it's bc I've been a carat longer than an aroha but, through the seven years I spent in this hell of a world called kpop I figured out my type is the one that looks so cool but is actually a clumsy ass weird cinnamon roll (reasons my ult is taehyung lmao) also hansol can speak English and I'm hella comfortable with that, it's not even my first nor second language but I always find myself expressing stuff in eng, plus hansol looks more like someone I can take care of (bc this kid shouldn't be left alone at all costs omg) I believe I read somewhere that bin wants to be the one taking care of his s/o but tbh I like things the other way round im such a mom lmao. I'm not the best at explaining but I'm just trying to say I'd choose mist probably choose hansol.

11. Finally, your bias promises to on a date with you on the condition that you plan it. Plan the entire night. (Where you go, why, what you eat, what you wear, the other places you go, what you talk about, any other details etc).

Oh so it's a "night" date? I'd rather have a daytime one but here we go!! We'd first spend the evening in a carnival-like place?? You know all the cute game booths and the cute Mickey ears headbands and the cute balloons (just so much cute fite me) then we'd have dinner in a somewhat fancy place nearby (leaving all the ears and balloons in the car ofc we tryna be fancey here) then we'd move to a quieter place, like a park or something, where we enjoy the night sky and chat every now and then, and finally and bc i get easily sleepy huhu;;; we go back home and cuddle to sleep :3 My Questions: (Look I'm so bad at asking questions I literally googled half of these) 1. If you were prime minister/ruler if the world,what rules would you make? 2. What would be your super hero name? And how would your outfit look like? 3. How would you describe your ideal wedding? What would your love house look like? 4. You have a two weeks fully paid holiday to one country of your choice, which one would you choose? Why? 5. What's in your bag/purse/school bag? 6. If you could create an ice cream flavor what would it be called? What would it taste like? 7. Would you rather trade your looks for intelligence or your intelligence for looks? 8. Choose one: being a professional patissier, being a talented painter/artist, being a famous fashion designer 9. You meet your bias in your country, they are lost and ask for your help. Do you fangirl? Do you ask for a picture? Do you pretend you don't know them? What do you do? 10. You're making a love song, write down four lines from it 11. What's a plot you'd really like to write but never had motivation for

So bc I'm lonely here and I don't even know 11 tumblrs I'm just going to tag some senpais I follow fml @astrofireworks @artist-aroha @dxnghyuns @kpopangst @earlygreytae

And if you happen to run into this post you're free to answer my questions too if you want!!!

[dystovian]

I would love a part two for the lance 37 it was really good

WOW IM DEPRESSED THIS WAS DEPRESSING BUT HERE YOU GO ITS SUPER LONG AND ALSO ILL DO A PART 3 WHERE THEY GO BACK TO EARTH AND SUCH K BYE ;(

 original requested by: @decayedrosepart 1: https://takashishitogane.tumblr.com/post/159963806842/i-love-to-cry-so-maybe-lance-x-reader-with-32

 It’s been 5 months. 5 months since you died in your lovers arms. 5 months since.When your body was brought onto the Castle, and shoved into a healing pod. They waited. Lance never left your side throughout that whole time, not once.

 When Coran confirmed that you didn’t make it, everyone stopped. They stopped everything they did.

 Pidge and Keith stopped their search because it was no use, you were dead. Searching for the one who killed you could get another member of the team slaughtered. What good would that bring?

 Hunk stopped cooking only unless asked to. What was the point of cooking for fun when there wasn’t anymore around?

 Shiro stopped pushing the Paladins to train as much before, they deserved a break, after what happened to you, everyone deserved a break.

 Allura and Coran stopped sending the Paladins on dangerous missions. Though Coran designed new armor, one that covered all parts of the body. Thicker, safer.

 Lance kept track of the days. And every year, on the anniversary of your death, he would stare at the stars and planets in the sky and cry. His tears would leave burnt skin behind as they shot down his face.

 He dreams of you almost every night. Nightmare or not. He would dream of you smiling and laughing with him. He’d dream of the time you guys first met and what you’d look like at you and his future wedding. What you’d look like with your and his combined flesh and blood by your side.

 He had nightmares of that day, the day he lost you. The day he invited you to join him and the others. That was the day he regretted it all.

 Keith and Lance didn’t bicker as much anymore. In fact, Keith would check on Lance every night, knocking twice on his door and letting himself in, only to find Lance crying a little more than the night before. He’d sit on the bed. He wouldn’t even say anything, just sit beside him until Lance sat up and hugged him. Lance would sob, tears falling onto Keith’s shoulder, while Keith’s own tears seeped through his lashes and dropped onto Lances hair.

 Keith checked on everyone now. As soon as the door to Pidges room opened he’d look at his feet. And listen to her slowly stand and walk to him, only to wrap her arms around his back and try her hardest not to grip too hard onto him.

 Keith would check on Shiro and warn him to take it slow, don’t exercise too much, only for an hour or two. Shiro would nod, hug Keith, shut the door, and sign. Only to lay in bed and weep until his body shut off and he would reboot in the morning.

 Lance was the one who checked on Hunk more than Keith did, Hunk was across the hall from Lance, so it didn’t require too much energy. But each time Lance opened that door, Hunk would sit up, lift his arm up and beckon Lance over to him. They’d sit beside each other, Hunk rubbing the sides of Lances arms, and listen to his cries and apologies.

 Allura and Coran were the only ones who refused to cry in front of the Paladins. Staying strong was needed. Who else would stay strong if every paladin lost a part of themselves? They could barely stand without you. Luckily, they battled as though you were there, that’s only because they’ve started battling for you.

 “Paladins!” Alluras voice rang through the comms. Beckoning them to see her. And when they did, they sat at the long table and ate what Hunk had cooked for them.

 “You’ve been having a tough time with each other when it comes to forming Voltron. It reminds me of when you first came.” Her voice echoed through their ears. Keith was the first to speak.

 “We’re sorry princess…” He mumbled, staring at his empty plate with his head down.

 “Would you like to do a training exercise? Only one of course, I can’t push you too much and it’s very late.” She forced a smile, folding her hands together.

 Allura got a few “Yes”’s and “Sure”’s from them. Yet she didn’t stand, that confused them of course because they thought they’d be fighting gladiators or going through mazes as they did the first.

 “What’s it like?” She murmured, playing with a utensil nearby and looking solemnly at it.

 “What do you mean, princess?” Shiro asked, eyebrows drawing close together as he frowned.

 “What was it like when you lost her? I didn’t really know her all to well. So I genuinely wasn’t affected as much as you all were. I’m simply curious.”

 “It was horrible, Allura, absolutely terrifying. I don’t ever want to go through that again. I wasn’t there when it really happened, but just that fear of seeing her….I- It was so, so scary.” Pidge spoke, her voice low and wavering.

 Keith agreed, rubbing her back from beside her as he described the dread he felt. Almost everyone did.

 “Lance?” Shiro tilted his head, leaning a bit toward him. His head was down.

 When Lance looked up, his face showed exactly how he felt, his cheeks were clearly red as well as the areas around his eyes. A storm of tears came from them as they flickered toward Allura.

 “Can you tell me more about her? I- I really didn’t know her at all. I’d like to know, very much.” She made contact with Lance once, only to look down right away as his gaze bore into her.

 The others refused to answer for Allura, perhaps another time. But this was something Lance should do.

 “I met her in, uhm, 3rd grade. I moved there when I was really little and I remember becoming really good friends with her.” He paused, breathing in deeply.

 “Her mom, wanted her to be a doctor. She wanted to be a biologist. She studied in the medical and biology field, that’s why I brought her.” He laughed a bit, wiping away his tears as he leaned sideways in his seat.

 “She left once, I remember, in 6th grade I think. She came back in 9th at the Garrison and oh my gosh she was so gorgeous. She grew, obviously, got a bit taller but she was still shorter than me, told her so too. Ugh she hated me for that.” He smiled a bit, his eyes drifting off.

 “Her favorite color was Purple, then Pink. But when she came back it was (F/c). I remember getting her a bunch of balloons on her birthday in Pink only for her to tell me she didn’t like that color anymore. My mom adored her, same with everyone in my family. They thought she was the cutest most sweetest thing and I couldn’t agree because I would get a lifetime of teasing but now I regret it.” He choked out the beginning of a sob, his breathing becoming deep.

 “I regret it because I should have loved her sooner, y'know? She deserved absolutely everything, everything in the whole entire universe. And the one thing I couldn’t give her was me because I was so scared and set on the fact she only liked me as a friend. And now, I regret it even more because if I hadn’t been so in love with her she wouldn’t have come with us, I was absolutely selfish. She could be safe right now! It’s all my fault!” He stood, slamming his hands onto the table. No one said anything, they only flinched.

 “She could be alive, safe and sound in her home, maybe with my family probably comforting them because she was so good and nice. I have to be the one to go home and tell her mother and father that’s she dead! She’s dead and it’s all my fault because I was stupid and selfish and in love with her! I think about her…every. Single. Night. If she had lived we would be so fine, we would be absolutely happy and fine and great and I would’ve been going back to Earth with her. I could’ve married her and had kids with her and now I can’t.” His voice has risen in the beginning but dropped as quick as his heart had, he collapsed to his knees and lay his head on the table and wept.

 By the end of his long rant, the room was silent. Lances cries were the loudest. He sobbed loudly like a child who didn’t get what they wanted.

 The others wept as well. Coran stood behind Alluras chair, standing tall and holding it in so much but they still slipped out, he stared ahead and didn’t move a muscle.

 Pidge had her face in her hands, tears peeking through the cracks of her fingers and soaking her hands. She shook with sadness.

 Keith bawled, mumbles and sobs would occasionally come from him as he let all of his emotions out, letting them land in his lap, for all to see.

 Shiro and Hunk cried silently, staring as their tears fell as well, Hunk wiped his away. Shiro did not, what was the point of getting rid of them if they weren’t going to stop coming?

 Allura stood, going toward Lance and kneeling beside him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into the side of his neck. The others joined. In a large, large group bonding exercise.

 “She sounds wonderful. She is wonderful.“ Allura murmured, her and all of their tears mending together, stitching and sewing their hearts back together. Mending the broken hearts you left behind in an attempt to save them all.

[sufferthesea]

Tagged by my sweet @pyroinquisitor​ ! Thank you!!

THE LAST

1. drink: Water! I have 7 water bottles in my room and I try to drink at least 4 of them a day.  2. phone call: AHAHAHA LIKE I TALK ON THE PHONE. (Actually, today I answered a call from my mom and almost ripped my thumb nail off on the chair trying to get to the phone.)  3. text message: I haven’t bought minutes for my phone so my last text was in June, saying “Your service ends soon”.  4. song you listened to: What Kind of Man by Florence + the Machine 5. time you cried: Teary-eyed or tears running down my face? Teary-eyed, today. Actual crying, ??? not sure!  6. dated someone twice: Nope! I’ve never dated!  7. kissed someone and regretted it: Theatre kisses don’t count (and neither do kisses on the cheek??), so I’ve never kissed anyone.  8. been cheated on: No 9. lost someone special: Yes. Many people.  10. been depressed: Yes. Gotta love that Frosty Fresh Depression  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never been drunk!  

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS

12. Purple 13. Yellow 14. Soft pastels and earth tones 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: Yes!! 💖 16. fallen out of love: Yes! Good riddance! 👋 17. laughed until you cried: Yes!  18. found out someone was talking about you: Yep! But the people they were talking to stopped being friends with them and now want to be my friend 😂 19. met someone who changed you: Hmmm, I think so?  20. found out who your friends are: Yes!  21. kissed someone on your facebook list: If stage kisses and kisses on the cheek count, then yes! That’d be like 20 ppl 😂😂 

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all of them! Most are family, high school friends, and college friends.  23. do you have any pets: Yes, a dog! He’s old and grumpy but I love him. I used to have a bearded dragon named Sylar and I miss him dearly.  24. do you want to change your name: Sometimes, but I really like it because it’s unique even tho it’s unisex and also a surname... and no one can say it correctly.... and I never see it anywhere....  25. what did you do for your last birthday: I can’t remember? My bday is close to my sister’s and dad’s, and it was close to my graduation so I think we had a combo birthday-grad dinner.  26. what time did you wake up: Alarms at 7.30am and 8am, and I woke up at 9am (-:  27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Showering 28. name something you can’t wait for: To get another first draft of my original story done. Plot revision is a motivation killer.  29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Like 30min ago when I went to the kitchen.   30 has disappeared. RIP.  31. what are you listening to right now: Pity Party by MelMar.  32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I knew a kid whose middle name was Tom, so yes!  33. something that is getting on your nerves: My own procrastination.  34. most visited website: YouTube, Tumblr, FB, gmail  35. hair colour: My hair is kinda weird bc of my parents. But it’s really dark brown (from my mom) with gold and red (from my mom’s mom and dad)?? And then I have chunks of blonde from when I bleached it and had purple, pink, and blue highlights.  36. long or short hair: It’s medium but I want to grow it back to how it used to be. I used to have the longest hair at my school (to my waist)! I miss it a lot.  37. do you have a crush on someone: NO!! No one real anyway. Fictional characters? Always. Choose a show or game and I probably have a crush on one of the characters.  38. what do you like about yourself: I like what other people have said about me: I’m the most compassionate person they’ve met; I have good energy; I’m easy to talk to. I also like that I am able to write and draw fairly well. (-:  39. want any piercings: Yes but I haven’t had a good experience with my past piercings. There’s a piercing/tattoo artist I know and trust but he’s sooooo far away ))-:  40. blood type: idek  41. nickname: Immy, Bee, C.B., Hoe, literally sooo many but most are family-only nicknames. Some old nicknames are Sensei and Onee-chan/Ane-chan. I also called myself Obaa because I felt old talking to ppl who just entered the fandom haha. But never I was never called Senpai ))):  42. relationship status: Single Pringle! 43. zodiac: Taurus / Boar  44. pronouns: she/her  45. favourite tv show: idk probably anything with an Asian cast bc I like seeing my people onscreen  46. tattoos: Not yet, but if I ever get one I have a rough design done.  47. right or left handed: Right but I’m teaching myself to become ambidextrous  48. surgery: None that I remember 49. piercing: Ears 50. sport: No! I used to do cross country in elementary school? 51. vacation: Love love love any Lewis & Clark vacations. Lewis is my husband and I would die for him.  52. pair of trainers: My only tennis shoes are faded and worn-out 3 y.o. purple and gray/silver ones I bought in my WTNV phase. I don’t like shoes so I haven’t bought new ones even tho I should. 

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: Nothing 54. drinking: Water 55. im about to: Listen to music and finish Chap 3 of HBAM and maybe do some Kakashi Week prompts 56. waiting for: Myself to stop being lazy  57. want: To lay under my falsa blanket in bed and get some work done 58. get married: Yes!! I’m so excited to get married (-: I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s so awesome to think that I’ll get to spend the rest of my life loving on someone and being comfortably dorky around them  59. career: I want to be an author! Ppl tell me I should go into writing (screenplays or articles), drawing (book illustrations) or counseling, and my older sis wants me to be a teacher with her.  60. hugs or kisses: I’m selective about who gives me affection tbh, and I’m more of a hand-holder so idk 61. lips or eyes: Lips. I have a hard time keeping eye contact and paying attention to what’s being said. I feel like they’re looking into my soul.  62. shorter or taller: I luv being taller than people but I want my hubby to be taller than me!  63. older or younger: I’m both middle and oldest child in my mixed family. I want to marry someone older, but I like being the oldest in my friend group.  64. nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms make me weak  66. troublemaker or hesitant: I used to be a troublemaker, but now I’m hesitant 

HAVE YOU EVER

67. kissed a stranger: No, but I proposed to one during a scavenger hunt (he said yes).  68. drank hard liquor: How hard is “hard”?  69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes. I never wear my glasses so I misplace them a lot.  70. turned someone down: Had to turn someone down for other ppl because they wouldn’t take no for an answer  71. sex on the first date:  No! I’ve never been on a date either ahahah 72. broken someone’s heart: Possibly  73. had your heart broken: Yes! Multiple times! But it heals stronger every time!  74. been arrested: No 75. cried when someone died: Yes 76. fallen for a friend: Yeah /: 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: Yes but then I feel full of myself  78. miracles: Yes ?? But not like, cosmic miracles? I believe in God, ya know? so His miracles ??  79. love at first sight: Yes! (reminds me of the county bailiff and grilled cheese food car guys I fell in love with when I moved down here lolol)  80. santa claus: SANTA IS THE BEST (but, practically, no)  81. kiss on the first date: On the cheek or back of the hand, sure?? I’ve never been on a date????  82. angels: Yes! 

OTHER

83. current best friends’ names: Goldie 84. eye colour: Hazel (mostly green)  85. favourite movie: Jurassic Park, Across the Universe, The New World, Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away 

Hopefully I filled them all in and didn’t leave Pyro’s answers hahaha

Tagging @thefoxthief @purple-possibilities @thetoxicstrawberry @ninja-crows @iyo-arts But only if you want to do it!