#then i blacked out and somehow started on storyboarding a 5 minute song

[jellytamalies]

they phantoms sure love them theaters

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[qorillas]

tagged by @latinsimonez! this was really fun to do lmao thank u for taggin me

answer 30 questions + tag 10 people you’d like to know better

-nicknames: ......i hesitate to inform you all of this but my uncle started calling me ‘the squish’ when i was a baby because i was so fat and now everyone on my mom’s side of the family calls me that more than they call me by my actual name. also sometimes people call me ari but not that often and my dad’s side of the family calls me arielita

-star sign: sad pisces binch

-gender: i’m a girl but. idk i’ve kinda been very slightly questioning it a little just to make sure? i’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that yup i’m a girl tho so 

-MBTI type: mainly infp, probably like 15% enfp because i get really excited when i’m around groups of people i love and Lose All Sense Of Boundaries. does that qualify me as enfp? i get tired being around most people tho so idk

-height: 5′5.5″ and yes the half inch COUNTS

-time: 10:41pm

-birthday: march 1. when i was little i couldn’t pronounce 1 correctly like i said “much fust” so everyone thought i was saying march 4 tho lmao 

-favorite bands: there’s this band called gorillaz i really like idk if anyone following me has heard of it tho :/// also phoenix, vampire weekend, the lumineers, glass animals, purity ring, young the giant, maroon 5, the beatles. i would die for ezra koenig and one time he liked something i tweeted at him and i cried for 10 minutes and my roommate took a video and made fun of me

-favorite solo artists: stromae, damon albarn, shawn wasabi, ingrid michaelson, childish gambino, nicki minaj, sohn, kanye west, lil wayne. gorillaz should collaborate with stromae also like i think they’d be good together

-song stuck in my head: ......the mii channel song but where each pause is uncomfortably long. yes i hate myself 

-last movie I watched: wonder woman like three months ago?? ? i like never go to the movies which is actually kind of a shame because going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do ever i know it’s like not that wild but i always get so excited wow i love movies

-last show I watched: rick and morty like the pickle rick episode. someone save morty and summer please i fucking hate beth

-other blogs: @ratqueenofficial is my main! also i have an art blog @ratqueenarts but i like never actually post there so. and i have multiple urls about antigone and about half mexican murdoc hoarded lmao

-when I created my blog: april 6 of this year but i made my main on new year’s eve because my friend came over so we could relaunch.......a semi-popular meme archiving blog whose name i’m not allowed to actually say because mods are a secret.........but anyway my old main had been around since 2013 and i wanted to start fresh so yeah

-what I post about: that son of a gun sure do love those gorillaz. also i post my own mediocre art and make shitposts and memes because i find myself hilarious and i write headcanons and am starting to do fics. but yeah it’s all centered around grillz, and sometimes like 1% damo but never hewll because. i don’t really like him lmao. i think my most common tag is murdoc and i know he sucks but i would fucking die for him in a heartbeat

-last thing I googled: ..........mii channel hip hop remix on youtube and i’ve had it on loop and my roommate hates me but. it’s a fucking bop okay don’t judge me

-following: 939

-followers: 1,233

-favorite color: yellow but like a Very Specific Yellow like strong golden yellow that one might be able to argue is actually orange but Bitch It Is Fucking Yellow (here it is) like half of everything i own is this color which was fun at first but one day i walked out of the house when it was raining and realized i was wearing yellow boots, a yellow raincoat, a yellow beanie, a yellow backpack and was holding a yellow umbrella and it was at that point that i realized that i had a Problem. my friends make fun of me for it rip

-average hours of sleep: half of the week it’s like 4 and half of the week it’s like 14 because of the ol’ depresh so i’m not actually sure at all. probably like 7 if i absolutely had to pick a number

-lucky number: 3

-instruments: classical piano (and i guess keyboard by extension) but i can’t sightread for shit (i’m good at playing by ear tho!), general percussion like bells and xylophone and marimba, i did tenor drum in marching band for like one year but i’m pretty horrible at non-mallet percussion lmao. also i had a vuvuzela for like two years but my roommate confiscated it because “vuvuzelas are not to be played at 3 in the morning, ariel” and anyway i don’t think it really counts

-what I’m wearing: glasses, black skinny jeans, my black x men sweatshirt that has like pictures of the vintage comic panels on it and yes i got it from hot topic don’t judge me for that i was like 14, dark blue baseball cap that says “best dad ever” across the front but i’m wearing it backwards because i’m cool. i got it for father’s day so that i could match with my grandpa

-how many blankets i sleep with: generally like 2 or 3 but at this point they’re all crumpled up at the bottom of the bed anyway so mainly just the big comforter and a throw blanket over that if it’s really cold

-dream jobs: oh man uhh. i used to think i wanted to be like a genetics/evolutionary biology professor and do research on evolution or cancer or hiv/aids and teach at like ucsf or something. or like work for nasa as an astrobiologist, or maybe work as a vet for a zoo. but now i don’t think i wanna do that anymore? to be quite honest if i could be 100% guaranteed whatever job i wanted i think i’d want to be a showrunner for an animated show on cartoon network or adult swim, like not something just with storyboards or animation, but like actually involved in the writing of the show. i’d love to write for a tv show on cartoon network or something like the office or brooklyn 99 or even a story-based video game, or maybe like do something where i get to just joke around and be funny all the time like what the mcelroys or game grumps do but. i have No Idea how to go about doing that and honestly i think jobs like that just happen to people randomly so it’s not really like, a Secure Job Option To Pursue. but i really hope somehow i end up doing something like that. i just wanna do something where i can create something meaningful that i’m proud of and see people connecting with it and feeling happy and inspired and less alone because of it, and maybe liking it so much a fandom or something grows around it. i’d be so fucking happy if that happened. 

-dream trip: i really want to go to new york with my jewish grandparents and see where they grew up and all the places they lived so i can finally experience all the places i’ve heard so many stories about? same thing with my abuelitos like i wanna go to mexicali with them or mérida in the yucatán and just see where they came from and where all their stories happened and meet all the relatives that they left behind when they came to the united states. also i think going to like, denmark or england or germany would be really cool? my friend studied abroad in england this summer and her snapchat story was full of dogs and random cows and those are some good things. i would very much like to softly caress a gentle english cow they have beautiful eyes

-favourite food: kbbq? ? ?? Bitch I Love KBBQ. fuck now i want kbbq. also mangoes, and deli sandwiches from the deli by my temple, and jazz apples, and sugary coffee, and sweet corn tamales, and high mountain milk tea with taro qq but sharetea stopped selling taro qq and i’m still salty because of that. and raw lemons because i’m an inhuman monster. can you tell i’m hungry rip

-nationality: american (specifically born and raised californian even though i know that’s not really a nationality but i love california so much you guys im so glad it’s my home) edit: apparently people are puttin in their ethnicities too on this?? ? i’m half american jewish which is. basically white lmao and half mexican idk i look super white tho im so pale rip

i tag @two-chi @drugstore-soulboy @murdoctrinated @murdochub @ephemeralprince @funeralshawls @astronomutual @maccamc @loboluchia @helloitsbees @grimdarkmatt @gorillahz @hewlll and i know that’s more than 10 but this is my house also like. if i tagged u and we Don’t Actually Talk it’s because i see u on my dash a lot and we’re mutuals and i think you’re Super Cool But I Am Too Shy To Actually Talk To You But Yeah I Think You’re Really Cool