#then chewing his way through the foam and cushion padding of those seats

[synodicsoma]

Stan quite literally chewing his was way out of that trunk he got shoved into and left for dead ✨

[jimlingss]

His Name [8 - Finale]

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Words: 4.5k Genre: Angst, Multiple Personality!Au Summary: Jeon Jungkook is a puzzle with too many missing pieces from his past and too many sides. Somehow, it’s become your job to solve him. → Inspired by the Korean Drama - Kill Me Heal Me Warnings: Topics of mental health. Mentions of death, suicide and medical disorders. Mentions of physical and emotional abuse. Disclaimer: Although this piece of work required lots of in-depth research and was attempted to be as accurate as possible, at the end of the day, I am not a psychologist and this is fanfiction. Specific things may be altered or exaggerated for story-telling purposes. Please take all medical terminologies and procedures with a grain of salt. 

The waves crash against the shoreline. The mist sprays against his face, drawing a grin that splits through the apples of his reddened cheeks. The tide sweeps away the markings and footsteps in the sand. Seagulls squawk from above, the sound of the foam fizzing out filling silence. The blue shimmers against the glistening sun.

A camera shutter clicks beside him.

“What are you doing? Ugh.” He whines, childishly stomping his feet as he raises his hand to block the lense. “Will you stop taking pictures of me?!”

Yoongi grins, bringing the camera down to skim through the photos. “There’s nothing else to take other than your ugly face.”

“Rude.” Jungkook mutters, rolling his eyes as he shifts close to his brother, also looking at the pictures.

There are hundreds of photographs. Shades of electric saffron or soft amber, vigorous hues that could belong in galleries. A few photos are of Yoongi’s sleeping face, taken by Jungkook as revenge when the older constantly zoomed up into the younger’s nose or only saved ones where he was mid-blink and his mouth agape. But most are of their vibrant smiling faces, standing side by side. Behind them are mosques, cathedrals, mountains; pyramids, skyscrapers and towers. They’ve reached every corner of the world, travelling companions who have stayed in countless cities, old towns and tranquil villages.

“Where are we going next?”

Yoongi shrugs, his lips pressed together in a smile. “There’s a road up ahead. I have to check the map. But I think there’s an inn there. ”

The two of them stay to stare at the boundless seaside for a while longer, wondering what adventures have yet to come.

                                            As long as they’re together, everything will be okay.

“Yoongi?”

“Hmm…?”

The waves crash against the shores again. Jungkook inhales a breath of the humid, salty air.

“When was the last time you had a shower?”

“Are you calling me dirty, brat?!”

He backs away with a laugh, hands shooting up in the air from the accusation.

“I never said that.”

“I think you did. When was the last time you had a shower?”

“Hey! I can’t help it! There were no bathrooms back in the-”

Jungkook cuts off his own sentence, deciding to book it the other way as Yoongi approaches. The two of them scream and shout, chasing each other and threatening to throw the other straight into the ocean. His cheeks are numb from the grin, chest heaving as tears fill his eyes from joy.

                                                   If only his brother were still alive….

-

Jungkook wakes up from his dream.

He winces against the mattress before peeling back his lids, a tear rolling off from the side of his eye to the pillow. He pants, scanning the premise before he turns beside him. The body that he longs for has disappeared. An imprint of the person he desperately seeks is the only thing left.

You’re gone.

His phone is left with one voice mail. His hands shake as it presses against his ear. “Good morning Mr. Jeon Jungkook. This morning, we have received a notice that Dr. Y/N has withdrawn her contract. She didn’t specify any reasonings but her chief has stated his approval. Miss Y/N is no longer your therapist. We’re currently looking to find a suitable replacement. I’ll contact you immediately when I’m able to find someone suitable. Thank you.”

His heart drops down to his stomach.

//

A few days have passed since you’ve seen Jungkook. You’ve been adjusting to regular life, moving back into your old apartment. The white walls and small rooms are more of a temporary living space than a home. You’ve only ever used it when you had an extended break, passing out on the couch for a few hours. It’s not the tiny size that leaves you bored or the lack of interesting shows on the television that leave you wandering aimlessly. It’s not that you yearn for the bigger house or the luxury that you had let go.

You’re lonely. You miss him.

As you’re sighing, looking out the dirty windows that you have to clean, a knock on the door breaks your reverie.

Knock. Knock.

A firm two sounds and a ring of the bell before it goes silent. You look through the tiny peep hole, eyes growing large as a gasp escapes through parted lips.

Jungkook’s standing there, staring at the door; wearing a black hoodie, ripped jeans and old sneakers. His hair is a mess, cheeks and eyes puffy - completely unlike the first time you laid eyes on him when he was perfectly polished, without a flaw.

“Uh…” You stick your nose through the door, still baffled at his sudden appearance at your run-down apartment complex.

The corner of his lips tugs into a smirk but he still wears an impassive expression. “It’s Yoongi.” There’s a pause as he waits for you but upon zero reaction, his brow raises. “Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out here all day? If I catch a cold, it’s on you.”

“Y-yeah…” You clear your voice, widening the door. “Come in.”

He smiles at you, stepping inside to take off his shoes as the door closes shut. “Thanks.”

“Sorry…” You’re scrambling for the cushions that had fallen off the sofa. “I d-didn’t know...things are a mess in here. I-”

“It’s fine.” He eases you as he sweeps your surroundings with kind and genuinely curious eyes. “It’s cozy.”

“It really isn’t.” You lifelessly laugh. “It’s old and-”

“No.” He huffs out with his face scrunched up, tired of arguing with you. “It is. Trust me. It’s a lot better than the house Jungkook has that’s so needlessly big and empty. This is warm and comfy. It’s cute.”

“Thanks.”

“So…” A laugh almost floats from your mouth at how awkwardly he lingers, moving his weight from this foot to the next as he stands in the middle of your living room. “Have you had dinner, yet?”

You end up making dinner for the both of you. Yoongi quietly follows behind like a puppy, leaning to glance over your shoulder once in a while. He goes where you go. But when you ask if he wants to help, he scoffs and shrugs you off, declaring that his hands are only meant to play piano and nothing else.

You suspect the real reason is that he simply doesn’t know how to cook. He does, however, help you take the dishes from the top shelf when he notices that you’re reaching up on the tips of your toes; he stirs the pot, chops some celery in jagged shapes - all while exaggerating his complaints with a huge frown and pout.

He finally brings up the purpose of his visit when you’re seated across from each other at the table.

“Why did you leave?”

Yoongi’s looking down at his plate, meagerly picking at his food before he decides that he needs to nourish the body, taking a spoonful into his mouth. His chewing picks up the pace when he realizes how delicious it is, impressed at your skills. “You promised you would take care of him.” His voice holds no malice or resentments. He flickers his pupils up to meet yours. “Do you not want to be a part of his life anymore?”

“No...that’s not it.” You shake your head. “I made a promise. I never had plans on breaking it. Just...I needed some time to think.”

He nods, eating in silence. It’s a comfortable sort of quiet, one that you don’t feel like you need to fill with meaningless conversations. The both of you finish and he takes the dishes to the sink.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured. It’s not your job to take care of him, not beyond the professional aspect at least. You shouldn’t feel obligated. If you want to go somewhere, if you want to leave...he’ll get over it. You don’t need to feel guilty an-”

“Yoongi.” You interject, cutting off his nervous rambling as he stacks the plates onto the drying rack. “When I made those promises, I didn’t make it without the intention of keeping it. And I don’t feel obligated to do anything.” You shake your head. “I want to.”

He shuts off the water, wiping his hands. Then he abruptly turns to you, almost making you crash into his chest. He holds his strong gaze into your eyes, making your heart thump harder.

“Y/N.” Yoongi smiles, memorizing each feature and eyelash, softened brown orbs in yours.

“There’s no way I can get you to love only me...right?”

He asks despite knowing the answer. He asks with hope, that maybe the impossible can become possible. And as he expects, you can’t respond without breaking his heart.

Yoongi leans over to you, pressing his hand gently to your cheek as the pad of his thumb sweeps across the blooming hues of pink. Your lips part with an exhale and he flickers to look at them before meeting your eyes again in a gaze. He tilts his head, moving closer until his forehead is almost pressed against yours. The clock ticks, a moment so close and intimate that your heart swells inside your chest. He never looks away and neither do you. Yoongi wants to kiss you so badly….a desire that overwhelms his entire being….but he doesn’t.

He pulls away in the next moment, focusing downwards. “Do you really want me to go?” His voice betrays him, a weak cry that he covers up with a cough, chords cracking over the raw emotions of desperation. “I will if you do. If that’s what you want..”

“I’ll do it.” in a heartbeat.

“Yoongi. I-” You don’t even know what to say. It’s all tumbling down, a pain of his that you can’t mend or fix - perhaps it’s one that you shouldn’t even touch.

“Can I ask you one thing?” He looks at you with a smile, corners of his lips turned upwards. Each word he murmurs is spoken slowly with care as if afraid he’ll startle you and you’ll evaporate past his fingertips’ grasps. “Did you ever love me?”

“I love Jungkook…” You answer. “I love you too but…”

“But the person you really love is him.” He nods. “I understand. Just please…”

He begs you, a plea that shakes your core. “Don’t forget me.”

“I won’t.” His tiny smile widens at your firm response. “And he won’t either.”

The man blinks, disappearing out of consciousness, falling back into the depths. His body is left as an empty vessel until the original owner floats back, awakened as he looks around; completely confused until his eyes land on yours.

“Wha- Where…?” Jungkook clutches his head, praying that it’s not a dream. You’re really in front of him. “Y/N.”

“Jungkook.” You pull him into an embrace, digging your face into his shoulder. He eases, arms slowly raising to hold you. “It’s fine. Everything’s okay.”

“You….” There’s a long pause, perhaps thirty seconds or five minutes until he breathes out. His heart beats along his chest as he shuts his eyes tight, lingering in the feeling of your touch. “You left.”

“I’m sorry.” You whisper back to him. “I needed some time.”

He hums back, still unable to comprehend that you’re here with him. He’s not alone.

“I missed you.” You murmur, crippling all of his worries until there are none left. “I can’t stay as your therapist. I’m sorry, Jungkook. I can’t and I don’t want to.”

“Then stay as Y/N.” He asks, shaking his head. “I don’t need you as anyone else. Just Y/N.”

You smile against the fabric of his sweater. “If that’s okay with you…”

“It’s perfectly okay.”

“Good.”

He grins, sighing as his lids flutter shut once more. “I missed you too.”

For once there are no boundaries. There are no rules that you must abide by. As long as he wants you and you want him, the both of you can be together. There are no if’s, but’s, or what’s.

And for once, you’ve never felt more happy.

[A Year Later]

Orange is the shade of the sunset; the fall of the sun over the horizon in warm dusk light, the snapshot in time before stars set over the ink sky. It’s the crackling fireplace, the sizzle of heat that embraces your body. It reminds you of his eyes lit by the glow of the flames, you leaning on his chest as soft smiles and murmurs befall from your parted lips. It’s the creamsicle in your hand, the train station and tiny shops littering the town; the laughter that made your stomach squeeze. It’s the monarch butterflies that have taken home to the garden, kissing the planter box that is now overgrown in vegetation. It reminds you of the hue of sunflowers, the coral peony and the tangerine carnation that Jimin gifted to you.

You don’t hate the colour so much anymore.

“-and so I swear that prison guard has a total thing for me.” He smirks, nose raised into the air. “I can just see it, Y/N. The way her eyes gleam when she frowns, how she yells at me to get back into my cell. Even in prison I’m still killin’ it with the ladies.”

You laugh when he snaps his fingers. “You’re psychotic, Seonho.”

He smiles, eyes still bright as he stares at you. “So..tell me...what’s this about you leaving?”

Your lips fall into a straight line as you lean closer to the glass in disbelief. “Did Nayoung tell you?”

Seonho doesn’t give any reaction, waiting for you to continue. You laugh stiffly, shuffling in the chair. “Well...I’m going abroad, Seonho!” You announce to him. “I was going to tell you on my own but obviously someone’s beaten me to it. Honestly, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for but-”

“Does he treat you well?”

You’re caught off guard by his sudden question. He looks at you without an expression, serious and unconditionally sincere. “Yes. He does.”

“Do you love him?”

You answer without hesitation. “I do.”

Your old childhood friend eases with a grin. “Good.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll come back and I’ll visit you and-” From the hasty words spewed from your tongue to sedate his concerns, he simply shakes his head.

“None of that matters, Y/N.” He cuts you off with his lips turned, orbs sparkling like the young boy you remember him as. He looks at you in genuine joy; relief as he tips his head to the side, still holding onto the handle of the phone. “You don’t have to worry about me. I just want you to be happy.”

Unlike the last time - this time you’re not leaving to escape the past. You’re not running away from the shadows that had been chasing you. You’re no longer held captive to regrets, limbs no longer changed to bitter anguish. The vicious game of ‘what if’ has finally ended.

“I’m happy.”

You’ve never meant it more.

//

The days pass, all blurring together in a mosaic of smiles and laughter. Jungkook is still recovering, now reigning a sense of control over his life. As for the others, you see them less and less.

“I’m going to go. I’ll be back in a bit.” He wraps the scarf around his neck, struggling with the mittens on his hands.

“Are you sure? I mean it’s just some documents and paperwork, I coul-”

He cuts you off with a gentle kiss to your lips, gone when you blink again. Jungkook grins at the flush that still raises on your cheeks no matter how many times he presses his lips against yours - even if it is the hundredth time. “I know. But you’re busy, aren’t you? You can rely on me. And I have an appointment at the hospital, so, killing two birds with one stone..right?”

“O-oh.” You blink before melting into a sheepish smile. “I’ll make dinner then.”

“Okay.” He pats your head once, looking at you again with fondness before he turns on his feet and out the door.

For a few moments you remain, staring at the space that he just occupied before you sigh with a smile, moving back to your office.

The two of you had plans to move abroad. A few months ago, you had encouraged Jungkook to apply to an art school. At first he was apprehensive about it, constantly worried that he wasn’t adequate enough. But through gruelling hard work and a portfolio worth being put in a museum, they accepted him. Fate aligned itself, finally allowing mercy in both of your lives; because you also had plans.

You were considering going back to school to focus your studies on childhood development. You’re not sure when it became your dream but you wanted to open a child psychology and education center. It’s something that you hope to do someday, a goal that you can’t give up on. The university abroad accepted you almost immediately. Luckily for the both of you, it’s the same area that Jungkook would be going to. It all worked in your favour.  

Needless to say, Jungkook was overwhelmed with happiness; his worries dissipating into thin air.

It’s been nearly two years since you’ve first met him; when you appeared at his doorstep to help and he gave you nothing more than a cold glance. It’s been exactly a year since your relationship with him turned into something more; dates and interlaced hands, trials and errors.

The memory of her is still fresh in your mind, her figure standing in front of you; the sundress blowing in the wind and her shoulders slumped downwards.

“Inhye…”

She smiled sweetly with a shake of her head. “I already knew it wouldn’t work out. This engagement was set up by our parents anyway. They’ll understand. Take care of him, okay?”

You can still remember her smile, one of encouragement and faith. “I can see it in his eyes….how much he loves you.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be okay.”

With a grace and elegance that you’ll always be impressed by, she had let him go.

The pain of the past will always remain, history cannot change. The backdrop and change of scenery doesn’t alter the shadows that follow or the hauntings of dead ghosts. But we can choose to dwell and let them fester, growing into agony and anger, spiralling out of control. Or we can let release the resentments for our own selves, for the sanity we need to continue living.

“Jungkook.” His father surrenders the breath he’s been holding. He looks down into his clasped hands, holding in tears as the old wounds that have never healed under bandages rip off once more. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me. With everything I’ve done...there hasn’t been a moment where I stopped loving you as my son.”

“You have a twisted definition of love, don’t you?”

His father’s expression flashes with hurt and he winces. Jungkook stands, walking away.

Jungkook apologizes to his step-mother for bearing a grudge against her without reason. She simply nods, bidding him farewell out the door as she turns to her husband’s side. When she looks, he’s still seated in the chair, motionlessly, accepting punishment for what he’s done. And just like that, his only son left had severed ties with him.

There will never be a day where the hurt will lessen or the pain will disappear. But perhaps someday, Jungkook might be able to return. Someday, perhaps, he could look into his father’s eyes and not want to break down in tears.

//

The sunrays peek from the edge of the hill, setting a cool light over the luscious green grass. A few chickadee birds chirp, the breeze rustling the leaves of the trees. The cathedral stands tall a few feet away, serene and quiet, not at all eerie with the stones set in rows. Jungkook sets the bouquet of white roses down between the two headstones.

One of them read his mother’s name and the other is ‘Min Yoongi’.

You’re not sure why his last name was changed; maybe as a way to further erase the person known as ‘Jeon Yoongi’. At the very least, you’re glad his father had the courtesy to keep his first name and to lay him next to his mother; burying his body and not incinerating him to ash so many years ago.

“I loved him.” Jungkook whispers out, crouching down to wipe away the dirt that has covered his name. The flora that surround the memorial tells you that it’s been neglected for decades. “I still do.”

“He’s my brother. He saved my life and loved me more than he should have. I miss him. I miss him so much.” He chokes over his own tears, kneeling on the ground. You move your arm around his body, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry I forgot. I broke our only promise, Yoongi. Yoongi. I’m so sorry.”

Day by day, Jungkook is overcoming his inner demons and the past that used to haunt him. The both of you are, together, hand-in-hand.

Deep in sleep, he slips past the world of dreams. The surface ripples as they call out for him, sound muffled and muted like they’re submerged underwater. They reach their hands out, stretching with desperation to tug him down; into the innermost depths of his subconscious mind.

There he knows each of them by name, knows who they are and how much they care for him.

It’s there that they belong in their own separate bodies; different faces and heights, smiles and voices. It’s there when they aren’t one but seven.

“Take care of yourself.” Namjoon puts his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, a tender smile that creases two dimples on each side of his cheek.

Hoseok laughs. “Don’t mess it up with Y/N too badly.”

“I won’t.” Jungkook scowls out with a pout, peeling off Namjoon’s hand. “I don’t know why you guys worry about me so much.”

“We’ll always worry about you.” The corners of Taehyung’s lips turn. “We’re family after all, right?”

“We’ve been together for so long.” Jimin nods, standing side by side with his same aged friend. “Just remember - you’re not alone, Jungkookie. You were never alone.”

He eases, looking at each of their faces and remembering yours. “I know.”

“We’ll always be here.” Namjoon pipes up again. “Whenever and wherever you might need us.”

Jungkook downcasts his head, crossing his arms as he mumbles underneath his breath. “I’m not a kid anymore, you know….I can handle it.”

Jin giggles, throwing his head back as he watches the boy in adoration. “You’ll always be a child to us.”

“Oh~ He’s so cute.” Jimin reaches over, squeezing the rascal’s cheek with a half-moon smile. “When did you grow up so much to be this handsome and tall, I don’t even know.”

Taehyung grins, a box shape splitting his lips. “Adorable~ Just plain adorable. Now I know why Y/N likes you so much.”

“Ugh! Stop it!” He slaps their hands away, taking a step back. “Stop babying me!”

“Don’t beat me up!” Taehyung squeals, jumping up and running to hide behind Namjoon. “He’s scary.”

All of them laugh, for once being together. The six boys look at Jungkook; wondering how it’s possible that he grew up so quickly. It felt like it was yesterday that he constantly begged for help, asking someone or anyone to live his life for him. From the few feet that he used to be, now he stands almost as the tallest one. From cowering away, mumbling under his breath and tiptoeing around others - he became a confident, young man capable of living his life on his own.

Yoongi takes a step forward from behind the others. He takes another three wide strides before he engulfs the younger into his arms. Jungkook immediately reacts; the two hanging onto each other in a tight embrace. He digs his face in his brother’s shoulder, fluttering his eyes shut as he tries his hardest to linger in his warmth and remember this moment - capturing it forever like a snapshot of a camera.

He whispers out.  

“I’ll miss you.”

Yoongi’s lips part into a gummy smile, he lifts his hand to stroke the younger’s hair.

“I never left, brat.”

The alters never truly leave. But they never appear in front of you again.

Rather, they leave traces of themselves.

When Jungkook doesn’t take care of himself, lost in another project without realizing he hasn’t eaten, Jin makes an appearance. On one occasion, you had woken up without him by your side only to find him in the kitchen with a million pancakes on the counters - Jungkook seemingly confused as you were. Sometimes when he’s stressed with work, Namjoon finishes it for him; an art research binder finalized overnight and the moving paperwork completed.

After you argue with him, flowers are always found in a vase on the table for you the next day. When Jungkook sprained his wrist, he blacked out and found himself in the hospital when he reached consciousness. In another drunk incident, he had suddenly pulled you in for a kiss and then laughed in hysterics with a boxy, guilty smile.

And sometimes….Jungkook just stares at you from across the room….his gaze softened…cold eyes that have grown warm...a gaze that shakes you to the very core. He would smile, one where his gums are shown, and in a lower pitched tone...a husky voice, he would tell you all too sincerely: “I love you.”

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook laughs, breaking you out of your trance. “Are you ready to go?”

“O-oh. Yeah, I am.” You rise to your feet, sweeping your orbs over his house for the last time. All his furniture is packed into cardboard boxes. The two paintings that the two of you made will eventually be shipped over, the planter box was given to your mother and tucked safely in her garden. As white as the walls are, now it looks even more barren and empty.

It’s a perfect clean slate for new beginnings.

Jungkook grabs onto the suitcase handle, looking back at you with a wide grin as he opens the door. You grab onto your own suitcase, taking his hand in yours.

“Let’s go.”

You’re no longer Jungkook’s therapist due to a conflict of interest but from a professional point of view, he’s at the very last stage - phase three. The cure isn’t instant, that’s not how his disorder works. It will forever be a work in progress. For now, he’s gained a better sense of himself. He has control of his life. Jungkook has acknowledged the demands of his past and is working towards a better future. Perhaps the personalities might never be able to fuse together but a sense of calm inner peace has been achieved amongst all of them.

Some days are bad, some are good. But all that matters is that each and everyday, you walk with him together.