#then I'll regale you with my drunk stories

[soulaires]

I need me some Kenji kishimoto fics!!! Maybe like he's drunk and aarom calls u so u so u have to pick him up and he's being a lil suggestive and goofy and fluffy and stuff!!!

My Girl.

pairings: kenji kishimoto x f!reader

summary: kenji is drunk and absolutely have no brakes.

warnings: ooc, alcohol, drunk, suggestive themes.

« words: 1,659 ┇ao3┇reblogs are appreciated! »

authors note: I know this ask is ages ago but i just cant write something very similar to my old one so I did some twist to make it different. Enjoy! Also not proofread and I wrote this at midnight. Excuse it lmao.

Kenji had always been a tough nut to crack, but that night, the alcohol had done its magic, leaving him in a state of blissful inebriation. He, along with Aaron and  Adam, had gathered for a boys' night out. 

Kenji had decided it was high time for a boys' night out. He'd invited his best buddies, Warner and Adam, for a night of fun and revelry. Little did they know that Kenji had a surprise in store for them, something that would shatter their preconceived notions and send their jaws dropping. They didn't know that you and Kenji had been secretly dating for a while.

As the night progressed, Kenji became increasingly intoxicated, his inhibitions fading away like smoke in the wind. He couldn't help himself, and in his drunken state, he decided to let the cat out of the bag. With a wide, goofy grin, he began to regale his friends with stories about his amazing girlfriend (you).

"Guys, guys," he began, clearly intoxicated already, "you won't believe it, but I have the most amazing, pretty, talented, and hot girlfriend in the world!"

"I'm the luckiest guy, seriously." He slurred, leaning heavily on his friend's shoulder.

His friends exchanged bewildered glances. Adam chuckled, "Kenji, man, you've had one too many. Are you sure you're not just imagining this incredible girlfriend of yours?"

Warner and Adam exchanged incredulous glances, thinking that Kenji was simply caught up in the moment, or perhaps he was just too drunk to know what he was saying. "Come on, kishimoto," Warner chuckled, "you've had a few too many. Are you sure you're not just... imagining things?"

Kenji, however, was adamant. "No, I'm not making this up, guys. I'm serious. She's real, and she's mine!"

Adam chimed in, clearly amused, "Well, we've known you for a while, Kenji, and you've never mentioned a girlfriend before. Are you sure you're not delusional?"

Kenji shook his head vigorously, causing his unruly hair to flop around. "No, I'm not imagining. She's real, and she's mine!"

Warner, never one to care, chimed in, "Come on, kishimoto. You've been known to exaggerate when you've had a few drinks. You’re just being delusional."

"No, no, no!" Kenji insisted. "I'll prove it to you guys. I'll call her right now!"

Kenji clumsily fished his phone out of his pocket, fumbling with the buttons and nearly dropping it on the floor. He scrolled through his contacts, searching for the one name that meant the world to him. Finally, he found it— My Pretty Girl 🤍.

With unsteady hands, Kenji pressed the call button, the phone ringing in his ear. He leaned back and grinned at his friends, pride bubbling in his drunken heart. "You'll see!"

As his fingers danced across the screen, Warner and Adam watched with growing skepticism. They fully expected Kenji to dial a random number or play a prank on them. However, they couldn't have been more wrong.

Kenji, with a triumphant grin, put his phone on speaker mode as the call connected. Suddenly, a sweet and soothing voice filled the room, uttering, "Kenji? Baby? Do you need me to pick you up now?"

Warner and Adam exchanged a perplexed glance before their eyes widened in shock. The voice on the other end sounded awfully familiar, and the nickname 'Baby' was a clear giveaway.

Kenji beamed with delight, staring at his friends. "See! I told you she's real!"

Adam recovered from his shock first, shouting, “YOU ARE DATING Y/N ???”

Kenji ignored their comments and continued talking to you. "Pretty girl, I miss you."

You couldn't help but smile. "I miss you too, Kenji. Do you need a ride home?" 

Kenji's eyes sparkled as he leaned closer to the phone, his voice laced with a hint of flirtation. "I need more than just a ride home, Y/N."

As the night came to a close, Kenji's friends decided it was time for him to go home. He was, after all, unable to stand on his own at this point. Kenji's intoxication levels continued to rise. 

Kenji had other plans, though. He was in high spirits and wanted nothing more than to see you. "I need my baby. I can't stand being away from her" he declared, much to his friends' amusement. 

When it was finally time to leave, Warner knew they couldn't leave Kenji alone in his state. He grabbed Kenji's phone and scrolled through his contacts to find the number saved under "My Pretty Girl 🤍."

The call is connected, and your voice on the other end can be heard. "Kenji? Is everything okay?"

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me. Come pick your drunk boyfriend up before he embarrasses himself.” 

“Oh Warner, hey. Yeah I’ll pick him up. Please give him water to drink to sober up.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, voice thick with sarcasm. 

When you arrived, Kenji was in no condition to stand, let alone walk. He practically lunged at you, wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling into your neck. "You're amazing," he slurred, his warm breath tickling your skin. "So pretty. So hot."

You couldn't help but laugh, feeling a warmth in your heart. "Thank you, kenj."

As Kenji stumbled toward you, he was all smiles, his neediness and clinginess on full display. He hugged you tightly, whispered sweet compliments in your ear, and planted tender kisses along your neck.

You couldn't help but smile, your heart filled with love for this man who, even in his most inebriated state, couldn't contain his affection for you.

As you left the bar, Kenji couldn't keep his hands off you. He was floating, and every step was punctuated by laughter, stolen kisses, and playful touches.

He kept his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your arm. 

"You're so pretty," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear as he placed sweet kisses on your neck. "So, so pretty." 

You couldn't help but blush at his compliments, despite knowing that he was under the influence. Kenji, always the charming one, had now added a touch of playfulness to his usually affectionate nature. You decided to tease him a little. "Kenji, are you trying to sweet-talk your way into getting a ride home?" 

Kenji let out a soft, tipsy chuckle, his lips grazing your earlobe. "Mhm, no. A way to make you scream my name tonight, though."

"Kenji, you're a mess," you chuckled, wrapping your arms around him as he swayed slightly.

"I'm not a mess, I'm a masterpiece!" he declared proudly, peppering your face with a series of sloppy kisses.

As you guys made your way towards the exit, Kenji kept stealing glances at you, his compliments flowing as freely as the liquor in his veins. "You're the most beautiful person in the world, you know that, right?" he slurred. His words were genuine, even if they were slightly incoherent.

The journey from the bar to the car was a wobbly one. Kenji couldn't seem to walk in a straight line, and he insisted on holding your hand with a grip that told you just how much he needed your support.

Once you guys were safely ensconced in the car, Kenji wasted no time in attempting to become one with the passenger seat. "I love this car," he mumbled as he hugged the headrest.

His antics didn't stop there. Kenji kept stealing kisses every few minutes, his lips landing anywhere they pleased – your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your neck, your hands, even your ear. It was all rather comical and sweet, in a completely ridiculous way. "You taste like strawberries and sex" he remarked with a dreamy look in his eyes.

The car finally came to a halt outside you and his shared apartment building, and Kenji's drunken demeanor was still in full swing. He insisted on being carried upstairs, which was a considerable feat considering his weight. 

When you arrived home, Kenji clung to you, reluctant to let you go. He peppered your face with kisses, laughing and whispering sweet nothings.

Kenji, now sitting on the couch, looked at you with puppy dog eyes. "I need more kisses," he pouted, his bottom lip sticking out.

You couldn't help but oblige. His neediness was endearing, and even though he was drunk, you couldn't resist his affection. 

As you kissed his forehead, down to his cheeks, nose and to his lips, he quickly deepened it, a groan falling from his lips as he pulled you closer to him, sitting you to his lap.

"Kenji.. we can't. You are drunk" you said as you pulled away, while your boyfriend chased your lips.

"But baby, I need you right now, please. I fucking need to feel you." He insisted. 

"We can't. You are drunk, love" 

"My pretty baby, my best girl, my baby doll. Let me take care of you, please. I just need you so bad.." he begged you once again and you could not help but to let out a whimper. 

"I know you want to, princess." 

"Not when you are clearly drunk, okay?" You reasoned out and he pouted. He fucking pouted.

So, you stood up, playing 'Dancing Queen' by Abba as you invited him to dance.

The living room turned into a make-shift dance floor as you guys swayed to the melody, his head resting on your shoulder.

He began to mimic the bizarre dance moves of a famous pop star, twirling around the room with an exaggerated flair that left you both in fits of giggles. "I should audition for 'Dance moms,' don't you think?" he teased, striking a ridiculous pose.

As the hours passed, Kenji's antics faded, and he succumbed to the heavy pull of sleep. You tucked him into bed, his face still wearing a contented smile, and you could not help but smile back.

[mindyco]

Crocodile x reader 🩷 [Drunk]

Warnings: none

Artwork credit: @Dazuzuzu

Kay, so Crocodile do be kinda… oh my goosshhh, why’s he looking at me like that- (o/////o " ) Replace the [NAME] with your own name. In this story, the character is gender-neutral since I'm not sure who's going to be reading this. But I'll be using 'them/their' instead of he/him or she/her. Artwork credit: @Dazuzuzu

In the dimly lit tavern, the scent of aged oak and spilled ale mingled with the unmistakable aroma of hearty meals. Crocodile and his crew occupied a sturdy wooden table, surrounded by the symphony of clinking glasses, boisterous laughter, and animated conversations that echoed through the air. [NAME], with their adorable charm, sat close to Crocodile, their eyes darting around the room as they took in the sights and sounds.

The tavern resonated with the symphony of voices, each one carrying its unique cadence and accent. Gruff pirates regaled their tales of conquests, their voices rough and filled with bravado. The occasional outburst of raucous laughter erupted, punctuating the atmosphere like thunderbolts in a storm.

As tankards were raised in celebration and savory dishes were devoured, [NAME]’s attention wandered, their senses captivated by the spectacle surrounding him. The sight of frothy mugs filled to the brim, adorned with condensation, enticed them. Their eyes twinkled with a mischievous glint, their lips forming a playful grin.

Crocodile shot [NAME] a stern glance, his voice brimming with authority. "[NAME], you know damn well what happened the last time you got drunk. We're not dealing with your teary-eyed antics tonight."

“Yeeesss…” [NAME] replied mindlessly, their rosy lips pouting and their expressive eyes narrowing in rebellion. They crossed their arms and slouched in their chair, their senses drawn to the vibrant colors of the drinks that lined the bar. The golden hues of ale, the deep reds of wines, and the shimmering greens of cocktails all beckoned to them, a tantalizing temptation.

Unbeknownst to Crocodile, [NAME] seized a fleeting moment of distraction. With nimble fingers, they surreptitiously snatched Crocodile's drink, its rich amber hue calling to them like a forbidden elixir. [NAME]’s taste buds danced as the liquid touched their tongue, a symphony of flavors exploding in their mouth.

The tavern's cacophony of sounds continued to crescendo, but for [NAME], everything seemed to blur into a background symphony. Laughter, clinking glasses, and the melodic hum of conversation melded into a euphoric medley that only enhanced their intoxication.

As the night wore on, the effects of the alcohol washed over [NAME] like a warm, enveloping wave. Their cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson, their inhibitions melting away with each sip. Unrestrained sobs escaped their lips, intermingling with the surrounding merriment.

Crocodile's eyes narrowed, his gaze shifting from the jovial chaos that had ensnared [NAME] to the source of his companion's transgression. He let out a sigh, a mix of exasperation and amusement, realizing he had underestimated [NAME]’s determination. With the rough grace of a seasoned predator, Crocodile rose from his seat and, in one swift motion, scooped up the inebriated angel as easily as if he were lifting a feather.

The bar's patrons watched in amusement and awe as Crocodile carried [NAME] out of the tavern, the sounds of [NAME]’s nonsensical complaints mingling with their sobs and hiccups.

"Screw off, you drunken idiot," Crocodile muttered, his voice resonating with a mix of gruff affection and mild frustration. "Can't believe you managed to get yourself into this mess. Weaklings and punks, the lot of 'em."

The moon cast an ethereal glow on the duo as they stumbled through the dimly lit streets, [NAME]’s words slurred and nonsensical. Crocodile's grip tightened, his arms cradling the drunken angel close to his chest, his footsteps steady and purposeful.

As they weaved through the labyrinthine streets, Crocodile's rough exterior softened, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "You're a handful, [NAME]," he grumbled, a rare hint of warmth underlying his gruff tone. "But I'll be damned if I don't find your chaotic presence somewhat endearing."

And amidst the bawling and complaints that floated through the night air, the seasoned pirate and his angelic companion forged ahead, their bond growing stronger with each step, even amidst the chaos of their misadventures.

～𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

[caxycreations]

Characters out of context tag game!

Tagged in by @eldritch-flower, let's do this!

Rules: Include one character quote of your choosing ⁠from each chapter of your WIP (or as many chapters as you'd like). Give absolutely no context, save for what's between two parts of an interrupted sentence, should that occur. You may mention who said it. Have fun! No pressure!

Okay so I only have 5 chapters from my story so far, so this'll be sadly short, but I'll include some quotes from un-posted side-stories (which will be posted in the future) after the main story stuff

Chapter 1: "we both know you’re one foot out of the closet and I for one would love to see you just jump the hell out already." Chapter 2: "Well, I was drunk last night, and it just kind of happened." Chapter 3: "he certainly had a very cute butt." Chapter 4: "There was a knot in my stomach" Chapter 5: "hurt my brother and the clubs will start announcing you as DeeJay Bodybag"

All of these chapters are getting re-written btw cause I just realized it's been so long since I worked on the main story that it's full-blown outdated omg

And notable side story quotes:

"Oh God, that's huge!"

"Please revoke his right to consciousness."

"Shit, you're as regal as ever, aren't you?"

"I am done being kind."

"I never thought you would have my eyes."

"Pay me for my work, not my complicity."

"You look silly with just the one fang."

"So...Miss Seltz. Wine?"

"Maybe if you learn to treat me right, I'll let you back in your bed."

"I'LL BITE YOUR DICK"

"So I got six people thrown out today~"

"I am not smart."

"I love you too."

"And you want to commit petty and/or grand larceny in the process?" "Yes!"

"If they meet up outside and brawl it's not our concern but I don't want them fighting in here."

"He drove away in a picked-up truck."

"I question everyone else."

"Don't lie to me, Trayson."

"You cut to bone, didn't you?"

"Assuming you want them dead, that is."

That's all for now, may do more of these another time though!

@heavensfallenfaction @jasperygrace

[zablife]

OMG just read your things about Jack and Shelby sister and their 6 kids visiting Tommy. So good. I imagine there's one of Tommy's nieces who is just like a mini reader (who is his fave sister I recall) and she's the only one he has a soft spot for. Little one has her dad and Tommy wrapped around her pinky. Reader and Jack reminiscing and trying for their 6th kid at Tommy's house and Tommy or John walking in by accident :) Polly and Ada having the best time with the children ever. Melt my heart.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, darl! It is fun to imagine and once I read your ideas, I started imagining Tommy finding the oldest girl hiding in his office to read to get some peace and quiet from her siblings. She is the only one allowed in his office from then on. He lets her borrow any book she likes from his library. However, she is also a curious child so she snoops in his paperwork and begins to suggest a better negotiation for one of his export deals. She admits she already advises her father as well.

I think Polly and Ada would have a lovely time baking with the children and showing them all the places their mother frequented as a child. Ada would be more familiar with the kids though because she works in Boston and sees them regularly.

Polly would find other unique ways to bond, shocking them with her visions of the future, telling each child what lay ahead. She would also regale them with tales of her wild youth which would make excellent bedtime stories.

I love the idea of Arrow House being a sentimental place for you and Jack! I imagine it's your first evening in the mansion. You've settled the children in the nursery and you and Jack have gone to your room across the hall. "The last time we were in this bedroom you were too drunk to make love to me. Do you remember?" you ask with a giggle. "Jesus, how could I forget, doll? You punished me for days after that." Your reminiscing led to a conversation about children and how you wished for one more together. The atmosphere was romantic and you were relaxed so you gave in to your husband.

He rolled over to you and began nipping at your neck, hands roaming your body. Just when he was pulling your nightie over your head, you heard the cry of your youngest child. "I think I hear Mary!" you said in between kisses. "The nanny's here, sweetheart," he said continuing to caress you. Finally you sat up too distracted to continue. "Well where is she?" Jack let out a small sigh of frustration at the interruption, "I'll go check." Just as Jack arrived in the nursery, the nanny appeared and he trudged back to the room. Opening the door of the darkened room he called out, "I'm back, doll face. Ready to fuck a baby into my gorgeous wife. You ready for me to fill you up?," he asked striding toward the bed. The lamp by the bedside flickered on illuminating Tommy holding a gun on him, looking thoroughly unamused, "Not really, no. Get the fuck out of my room, Nelson!" Jack let out a roaring laugh at his mistake, "Woah, no need to shoot me now. In case you hadn't noticed I've already gotten your sister pregnant five times," he said smugly turning on his heel and slamming the door. Tommy made a mental note to have Frances burn the sheets in the guest room once you had left.

[lnights]

If you're still doing requests can I request hurt/ comfort and Samy being badly hurt by someone and Taz comforting and caring for him 🥺 thank you! 🥰

This screams friendship for me, so here's a younger Samy & Taz

...

Taz waited for the buzz that would let him into the apartment building, playing on his phone.

He wasn't in Jyväskylä often, but he had helped a relative move and had finished earlier than he thought they would, so why not see a couple friends?

Ossi was out of town apparently, Mirko and Arttu working, but Samy was free, so why not?

As he was able to get in the front and made his way up to Samy's, his phone rumbled and he looked to see a message from Mirko:

M: Hey I saw in the group chat that you're hanging with Samy?

M: fair warning, he's in a bad spot right now. If you can keep him company until I'm off work at 4 I would appreciate it.

Taz read the message a couple times before knocking on Samy's door, wondering what could drag down the sunny 20 year old.

He certainly looked out of it when he opened the door, hair sticking out in every direction and clothes extremely rumpled, eyes puffy.

"Hey man," Taz said cautiously, "how you been?"

Samy gave him a wane smile, "oh same old, same old, you?"

"Uh, fine." He replied as he followed him in, the apartment like a physical manifestation of how Samy looked.

They made small talk for a while before Taz sighed and decided to ask him what was going on.

"My girlfriend and I broke up." Samy admitted, "last week I... I didn't see it coming."

"Well shit, sorry man." Taz sighed, "you two were together a couple years yeah?"

"Met in highschool," Samy nodded, swallowing hard, "apparently she's been cheating on me ever since then too."

Oh fuck.

Taz put down the beer he had been sipping and moved to sit by him on the couch, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"Forget her," Taz told him, "cheaters aren't worth your time or tears, alright?"

Samy's shoulders shook a little, with a scoff or a sob he was unsure, so he pulled the younger man closer, his head against his chest while he regaled him with tales of his own previous relationships, the time he and Johnny had to carry Middy away so he wouldn't play Every Rose Has Its Thorns outside of his crush's bedroom window while drunk, that Archie talks a big game but hasn't kissed anyone in at least a year and a half.

Eventually he heard Samy's infectious laughter as the stories continued, laughing along with him and lost track of time until his phone went off.

M: Hey I have to stay a little late but I'll be there soon.

Taz looked down at his friend, laughing so hard he almost couldn't breathe, wide smile on his face and quickly made a decision.

T: Don't worry about it, I can head back to Helsinki tomorrow.

He wasn't going anywhere now.

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 30: Richard*

Let me start by saying, nothing is wrong with Richard*. I match with Richard* right as the nightmare that is “the microwave” has come to a close. Now that I am mere days away from being fully vaccinated, I break the rules a little bit to give myself a headstart before I am able to actually go on the dates. I figure, what is the harm in working on getting back out there? I send a “Like” to him on Hinge, inquiring about a prompt that mentions he had broken both of his arms. The next morning, I get a reply with the story. After discussing that series of events briefly, he goes on to ask more about me and the video games I play. I step on my soapbox for a time. He tells me that he plays a video game called League of Legends, which has a reputation for having some of the most toxic players online. I ask him half-jokingly if that is his way of telling me he is toxic. He swears by his alibi of not having his microphone on when he plays with strangers, so as to not be tempted. We reminisce about Runescape, and he tells me more about some of the games he plays.

We get into the topic of pets, where he says my dog seems nice. I ask him if he has any pets where I am surprised to learn he has two snakes. We talk briefly about what it’s like having snakes, and we segue onto a conversation about television shows due to my dog having a character’s name in a show he watches, which then segued into a conversation about having coronavirus, and travel, and my changes in taste since aforementioned COVID-19.

I narrate to him a conversation I’m having with my best friend about the show of the moment, “Bridgerton,” on Netflix. Pretty randomly, he officially asks me out for drinks. I tell him I have a caveat, that it needs to be next week, as at this time I am still technically not supposed to be dating yet since I am awaiting my second COVID-19 vaccination. I make a joke that I bet he thought I was going to say I had a penis. He jokes back that he was hoping I would. I continue a joke saying I am pretty sure I don’t have one, but if I do have one it’s extremely small. We learn that we have opposing schedules, “we suck” is how I put it. I offer that in the meantime, we can text/call/video chat in order to continue getting to know each other. He sends me his number though offers that we can talk with a “different method.” Being the jester I am, I turn this into a joke of seeing how many alternate methods I can think of. A good sport, he plays along and adds a few of his own, ending in “Mongolian throat singing.” Despite the ingenious ideas we come up with, I opt to stick to contact him via text message.

Upon texting him and seeing my area code, he recognizes it as his cousins lived in that area. He grew up a couple of hours away in rural Maryland. It is late, so our transition to text is brief for now. In the morning I challenge him regarding who woke up the earliest; I win this challenge due to having a call in at work at four in the morning. We then bond over the legendary Mountain Dew Game Fuel, Citrus Cherry, that would come out at game releases; once my favorite drink, being reminded of its existence brought me anger and sadness, which I expressed I was feeling to him. We are getting along so famously, that I decided maybe I can make an exception to seeing him before my vaccine. He says he is fine either way. We start to plan our date and settle on a brewery I like near me.

Much of our texts are light-hearted jabs at each other, nothing super deep. He compliments my quirks often. He often makes jokes about having a smooth brain and sends me many diagrams. He tells me about his major in college. I then realize I don’t know what he does for a living. I ask him what his job is, that’s when he tells me he is in the Army. The stereotype for men in the military is that they usually get engaged quickly, without knowing a person for very long. Being the jokester I am, I take this opportunity to jab at him. My response to his career is, “oh sorry I don’t want to get married next month.” He says that that is why he doesn't have his job in his profile, because of the stereotypes. I joke that I have been misled to believe he had been a chill down to earth guy.

When it is the day of the date, I jokingly keep saying I am going to wear an evening gown; I mention it a couple times. When I arrive, in my skirt and crop top, I see he’s actually dressed pretty nicely and is sitting outside, wearing long khaki pants and a dress shirt. It is a decently warm day, so I hope he's okay. I compliment him, saying he looks nice and he didn't need to dress up for me. He admits that because I kept talking about the evening gown, that he thought I might have been serious, so he wanted to match my formality. I do notice over the course of the date though that he is sweating through his shirt, especially at the underarms; not the most attractive, but a person cannot help these things.

The conversation goes well, we have a nice time and I regale him with the drama in my video game community and just talk about random things. I have a couple drinks and although we weren't planning on eating dinner there, he ends up eating a burger and I opt to just "steal some fries" since I had a late lunch. He is craving dessert so we walk a block to a local ice cream place and get some ice cream as well. When we return back to where the cars were, I realize that he had Ubered there, because another joke of mine was taken seriously regarding getting super drunk. I feel bad and offer to drive him home. We get in my car and I have him put in his address into Google Maps. I drive him there and when approaching his apartment, I see a lot of construction. He instructs me where I can drop him off and suggests that I turn around in a certain lot. He gives me a hug goodbye and I drive off.

I get completely confused and lost in the construction, between closed streets and cones blocking lanes, so I get stuck in the vicinity of his apartment for five minutes before being able to find my way back to the main road. I let him know of my troubles driving, and also when I got home. He thanks me for going out and says he had a great time. Whereas I also had a good time, I found it strange he made no moves whatsoever during the night and I didn't really feel a romantic urge with him.

I get my second COVID-19 Vaccine and take a day off to recover. We still talk at least daily while he is away on his trip; while he is gone I focus a little more on the other guy I am chatting with, John*. I've told my mom of my predicament between the two men, and between her and I, I decided I'll go out with Richard* again, give him another chance. If things still aren't progressing or feelings startup, I will end it and entirely focus on John*.

Richard* asks me when he can see me again and offers to cook for me. I give him my Friday night, which is a day after I am seeing John* again as well. On Thursday, he texts me to verify, saying "I'd like to see you tomorrow, did you still want to do dinner?" I told him I meant to confirm that day. We don't talk besides that, which is good for me because I don't have to worry about getting texts from him when I'm with someone else. The day of my second date with Richard*, I text him to ask for his address again and ask for suggestions on parking, since the construction was such a fiasco for me, I'm still traumatized lightly. He tells me and after a few hours, I get some complicated news regarding my gaming community, so I ask Richard* if I can reschedule to tomorrow, Saturday. He says it is fine and so we just chat for the rest of the day.

On the day our date will actually happen, he again seems to verify the date, asking me if I'm planning on coming over "today." I snarkily replied, "yeah I don't bail, you said 730." He asks me what I want to drink, as he must be grocery shopping. I panic and say seltzers. I take a quick nap and then let him know I am headed to his apartment. When I arrive, I try to follow his parking suggestions but get confused and don't see anything. After driving around for over five minutes, I start to panic as I don't see anything. I find a random gravel lot that is in earshot of where I had dropped him off on the first date, and I call to admit defeat. I send him a photo as well to show where I am. He comes out to find me and almost walks past my car. I flash my high beams at him to indicate it's me and he hops in the car. We drive around a few minutes and luck upon a spot that is close to one of the side entrances to his apartment complex.

I follow him to his apartment, he is again dressed nicely, and I am wearing more comfortable clothes. He is wearing a nice shirt, but with jeans. We get to his apartment and it is slightly better than a typical bachelor pad, but definitely not overly showy. He is still finishing up dinner, chicken pad thai, and he gets me out a white claw to drink. We chat briefly but he starts acting weird, just off. I just sit in his gaming chair and spin around, look at his one snake, and stay quiet. In a way, I am fine with the silence, as it solidifies my unease about this going anywhere. He eventually speaks up, saying he just got a killer headache and isn't feeling well. Due to his travels, I joke about him having coronavirus.

When the food is ready, I let him serve me, I tell him to go light as I don't eat much. He had talked a lot of game regarding his pad thai being good, and unfortunately, it was pretty disappointing. He used chicken thighs, which I am not a huge fan of, and the noodles seemed almost soggy. Richard* was aware of this, however, and commented that this wasn't his best dish and had used a new kind of noodles. I don't like and say that it's just alright, at least palatable. We watch some Brooklyn 99 and eat on his couch, sitting on opposite sides of the couch. After dinner, I get an official introduction to the snakes and get to pet them, it is bizarre, but kind of cool. Definitely not as fun as playing with, say, a dog. Shortly after that, I say it's getting late and I should probably go home. He walks me back to my car, which is a need since his complex is a maze. Again, he makes no moves and gives me a hug goodbye. For me, it's easy to see that something isn't quite right here. We chat briefly, for the next few days, as I'm not ready to immediately break his heart.

When he texts me four days after our date, explicitly saying the following, I see it is a perfect opportunity to come clean:

He took things very well, and I didn't hear from him again. I commend myself for being a real human and telling people how I feel, rather than ghosting and not giving others closure. I wish more conversations could go this way. I feel bad for the guy. It isn’t his fault that I ended up “playing the game” and doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating, which is, not to get stuck on one person and date around. It just so happens, he ended up being the one I obviously didn’t like as much and had to sacrifice for his own good. It’s possible that only due to my extreme attraction to the other guy, that he never had a chance as it was shadowed by my feelings for someone else.

[cagedravenwriting]

You Haven't Lived Until You've Died

"There's only two things that are ever certain in a life: conception, meaning that an organism begins to form in order to live, and death, when the organism is no longer able to sustain the life force it was given at conception. Now, with conception, it's that normally, there's no complications. But death? There's no telling when the reaper is gonna swing his scythe right across your neck, or the big man in the sky himself sucks the soul right out of your body. And then, there’s always the fear of death. There's a never a fear of conception, unless it's some film where they're foreboding the conception of an evil creature.

    I mean, I guess it was a good thing they were afraid of my conception.

    The name is Cassandra Quin, and I'm a serial killer.

    Before I was born, my grandmother had told my mother never to get pregnant, or she would regret the “evil” she would've brought unto the Earth. With my mother being the free spirited hippie she was back in 1976, she did it anyways. Fast forward 9 months later to October 26th, 1976, and BOOM little baby me entered the world.

    My adolescent years were spent with my drunk mother constantly yelling at me to try to do better even though my scores were perfect, and my father doing some not so nice things to me that I'd rather not say to trigger those memories. Fast forward again to my 18th birthday, when I killed my parents. Stabbed them both with the cake cutter. No biggie. Small town, super rural, not many people liked them anyways, if you couldn't already tell. After that, I packed up and ran from our small town in Michigan to Seattle, Washington. It was a rather big city, but not big enough to where it's constantly recognized, like NYC or Miami.

    Fast forward again to when I'm 26 and my first date. Shocker right? Not really. Grew up in a small town, remember? Anyways, the guys name was Justin DeCarle, and he decided it'd be a great idea to give me the whole “men are and always will be superior” spiel while we were in an antique store. So I broke a pane of glass on top of a display of knives, just happened to grab a nice little dagger that just happened to have been owned by Bram Stoker apparently, and stabbed the guy where it counts. I then proceeded to cut open his mouth, stab him in the stomach, and dash out of the antique store. No one ever bothered to stop me.

    After I was outlawed in both the northeast and the northwest of my great homeland, I started to make my way down the coast. Once I wasn't able to go south anymore, I headed back east. I've been killing ever since, just kinda circling the country, bringing a rightful justice to the scum of the earth. And I'll be able to pretty much until the Earth itself is destroyed.

    How is this possible, you may ask? I don't seem to remember this, but apparently the second I stepped outside my house, I was run over by a bus. Now, anyone that knows how ghosts normally work, knows that a vengeful spirit is mainly succumbed to a certain area. In my case, however, since I was hit by a roaming vehicle with the intention of roaming anyway, I guess the rules of the afterlife bent a little bit to allow me to terrorize people anywhere I damn well pleased.

    So why do I bother to regale you with my sob story of a biography? I want it to be known that for some people, once you're dead, you've honestly never felt more alive."

So this piece was actually a short story that I had to write for my English IV class back in highschool, much like a lot of these stories are gonna be. Cassandra Quin was supposed to be a much bigger character in another story of mine, but I still never added her due to me not touching the story for almost a year at this point. I'm hoping this account will convince me to progress on that story, I've been working on it for almost 8 years and so many reworks have come and gone.

[ibietreducis-blog]

Curse you, former drunk me. You have made things very uncomfortable for current me.