#their team mates accept them and nothing bad ever happened C-:

[rwby-confess]

Confession #123

[insaneasgardian]

United ~ Natasha Romanoff

Requested by: @natasharomanoffisbaebby 

Summary: A single, brave choice ended Y/N’s days but not her happiness. As she glides to heaven to be with the one she loves most, the good times, and ONLY the good times reignite inside her.

Warnings: Y/N dying, angst, happy ending for Y/N tho because she wakes up in heaven.

Ship: Natasha x Reader

IMPORRTANT A/N: I KNOW I AM DOING ALL MY REQUESTS SO LATE I AM SORRY, I HAVEN’T BEEN INSPIRED LATELY. ALSO, LOKI ISN’T DEAD BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT.

Flashbacks are in italics

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“I am inevitable” Thanos said smugly, snapping his fingers immediately after his little dialogue. Everyone waited. Nothing happened.

“And I am... your doom” Y/N gasped out as she prepared to snap, the infinity stones embedded into her own gauntlet shone brightly and the girl felt a surge of power rush through her. “This is for Natasha”, she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek as she completed her snap. 

....

It was a truly somber moment. One that the world would never forget. A sacrifice so noble, yet so heartbreaking. There wasn’t a single dry eye as Earth’s mightiest heroes gathered around their fallen comrade.

Tony Stark was full on crying, a state nobody had ever seen him in before. “Don’t go,” he breathed out, “don’t leave us”. Several sobs could be heard all around the group at Tony’s words. Y/N who somehow still had a small fraction of life left in her body smiled weakly. “It’s okay,” she muttered, “I see Nat”. 

If you listened close enough, you could hear everybody’s heart collectively shatter at these words. So many fallen. So many lost. Yet at least the young lovers would be reunited once more. The dying hero chuckled weakly, “She’s calling me...”. 

....

“Romanoff, meet Y/N L/N, she’s your new mission partner” Fury drawled out, sounding rather bored.  Natasha eyed the new agent, she was certainly nice to look at. Y/N blushed deeply when she noticed the red head checking her out. Causing the Russian assassin to smirk and wink. “She’ll definitely be fun to work with” Natasha addressed Fury, which made the new girl turn even redder.

....

“Hey!” Natasha shouted to Y/N as she proceeded to take out a HYDRA agent with her pistol. “What is it?!” Y/N exclaimed, a bit occupied with an entire cohort of enhanced agents. “I know this is bad timing,” Agent Romanoff yelled, making her way to her partner, “but do you wanna go get a drink after this? Like a date?”. Y/N finished off the rest of the enemy and turned to her friend with an eyeroll, “I thought you’d never ask”. “You do realize you’re still connected to the intercoms? I mean, it’s about time, but did you really have to do this now?” Came Clint’s sarcastic voice.

....

Y/N and Natasha leisurely strolled through central park hand in hand after a very successful 4th date. It was pretty late at night and there was nobody around except the both of them. “I had an amazing time tonight Nat,” Y/N said honestly, earning a smile in return.  “So did I, you’re really cool Y/N”. There was silence between the two as they stared into each others eyes. Finally, Natasha couldn’t take it anymore and closed the space between them with a kiss. Y/N responded eagerly. It was a magical moment, and the many kisses they would share would be no different.

....

“Will you marry me?” “YES NAT! YES!” The Avengers clapped and cheered as they fell out of trees, emerged from bushes and climbed out of holes where they had been hiding and watching the entire proposal. Y/N hugged her wife-to-be and sobbed happily, accepting many hugs and congratulations from her friends. “I thought you loved me Y/N.” Bucky playfully pouted, making everyone laugh, and earning him a mock slap from Natasha. “Congratulations Ms. L/N and Ms. Romanoff!” came a loud shriek as Peter Parker fell out a tree. “Well... I guess you’ll both be Mrs Romanoff or Mrs L/N, or Mrs L/N-Romanoff or-” “Son, just let them be happy” Tony interrupted Peter. “Agreed,” Steve said, observing his two friends lovingly gaze at each other, “come on guys, we’ve been intrusive enough”. “Yea! Give the lovebirds some space!” Sam shouted, making everyone cheer and whistle once more before they finally dispersed. Y/N laughed, “We can’t ever get privacy in the Avengers family”. Nat gleefully chuckled too, “No we can’t”, she murmured before leaning in for a passionate kiss.

....

“She’s calling me... I have to go to her” Y/N breathed as she looked at her weeping friends, giving them one last comforting smile before she breathed her last.

Clint wiped away his tears and slowly knelt down, bowing his head. T’Challa realized his team mate was bowing and did not hesitate in copying his actions. Carol did the same, so did Steve, and Thor and soon the battlefield was a display of the Avengers and allies honoring their fallen team mate and friend, and all who had the same fate as her.

Loki, the god of mischief and Y/N’s best friend other than Natasha brushed some of her Y/H/C locks out of her face and kissed the top of her head gently. “Rest well... our savior”

....

“Nat?” The red head was the first thing Y/N saw when she woke up in a beautiful utopia, a waterfall ran into a river, and so many trees and exotic plants surrounded a beautiful modern house with a deck she currently lay on.  “It’s me sweetie,” Nat smiled. At this confirmation, Y/N beamed for what felt like the first time in months. She immediately launched herself into her wife’s arms, “We won Nattie”, she informed her.  Natasha nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around Y/N’s torso, “I know, you’ve done so well my darling, I am proud of you”.

Y/N pulled away and observed her surroundings carefully. “It’s just like that house we wanted to buy,” she said, “the one in-”  “St. Petersburg” Natasha finished while smiling and nodding. “Now it’s all ours... Our own little world”. The red head got up and held a hand out to Y/N, which she accepted, and this time, she’d never let go.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Do you have any HCs for Merula?

So. So many. Long post ahead. Very long post. With many thoughts. Many, many thoughts about the best witch at Hogwarts. Proceed with caution. 

Let’s start with her childhood. Her early childhood. Her parents were probably akin to the Malfoys. They taught her bad life lessons, but I do not believe they were abusive. I think they genuinely loved her. I also notice how callous she is about Voldemort - being one of the few characters to actually speak his name, at all of eleven years old. My belief is that Merula’s parents were involved less because they cared about blood supremacy and more because they were attracted to the power and freedoms they thought they could have as Death Eaters. To practice dark magic, to be feared and respected by the community. 

Merula seems to have absorbed all of that in full. She seems to view the world as a division between the strong and the weak, not the good and the evil. Law of the jungle, kill or be killed. The Death Eater ideology. Merula may spout Pure-blood bigotry, but I guarantee you she doesn’t actually give a damn about blood status. It’s just an easy short-cut to dominate people in social situations, which is something she clings to. Because she’s weak, and she knows it. But she’s been taught to respect power and to embody it. Merula is trying to fake it until she makes it. I also think she doesn’t have any respect for Voldemort at all, thinks of him as a failure - he was supposedly killed by a baby, after all. 

But Merula is also highly insecure about her own talents, even if she always defaults to overselling them. After her parents went to Azkaban, she must have been spiraling. Looking for something or someone to latch onto. A purpose. Her aunt is supposedly watching her but that clearly isn’t the case. She cuts her own hair. She dresses herself - half her clothes don’t fit and she wears more make-up than some of the seventh years. Merula may not have known it, but I think all she wanted was to be loved, and she wasn’t get that from her aunt, or anyone. So she defaulted. Defaulted to trying to gain power. And oh look, what’s that in the Daily Prophet? This Jacob character, and his quest to open the Cursed Vaults? This was her opportunity. Her chance to prove herself. Unlike Jacob and Voldemort, those pathetic failures, Merula could make a name for herself. She will be the best witch at Hogwarts. If she has to cram that down everyone’s throats, she will be. 

There was only one problem. Jacob had a sibling. From jump, they had the advantage over her, not that she would ever admit it. Merula must have calculated that Jacob’s Sibling would know more about the Vaults than her. For all she knew, Jacob left them a road map. Not only that, on her first day of trying to assert herself against Rowan, Jacob’s Sibling interrupted and was not scared of her, at all. They had already won over Rowan, and they did not hesitate to tell Snape what Merula was doing. I believe from the moment, Merula feared them, envied them, and though she would never admit it to herself, admired them. It only got worse when they escaped the Devil’s Snare, and stood up to her while she was bullying the one person who her intimidation scheme had actually worked on, Ben Copper. 

Lots of people hate Merula for the Devil’s Snare scheme, but what did we expect? She was raised by two Death Eaters, and she’s seen them kill Aurors before. Of course her Plan A was to kill Jacob’s Sibling. Of course she wanted to ruin Jacob’s reputation. She’s trying to emulate her mother, I bet you anything. I bet you anything that she’s wearing her mother’s makeup. Perhaps even her old clothes. That being said, I also think Merula has very conflicted feelings about her mother. Because her parents failed - they were taken to Azkaban. I’m willing to bet that Merula hasn’t spoken to them since. But she wants to. She keeps trying to write them letters, and crosses everything out. Maybe she’s waiting for them to send a letter first. Hoping that they will, even if she won’t admit it. Feeling hurt that they haven’t. There’s always visitation, but who’s going to take her on a trip to Azkaban? Are children even allowed to visit there? Even if they are, she has no one to take her. Speaking of that, let’s talk about Dementors. 

What does Merula hear when Dementors are nearby? Actually, we could talk about all of her magical signatures. My head-canon for her wand is Holly and Dragon Heartstring. Yes, I do think she has the same wand wood as Harry James Potter. It tends to lean to people who are “impetuous” and prone to anger. I think Merula’s Boggart would likely be something to do with Jacob’s Sibling, at least in the early days. They were the one standing in the way of her goals. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they were involved with her Erised vision as well, perhaps something to do with them and her parents. Post Portrait Vault, we know what Merula’s Boggart would be. And we know what she would hear when Dementors are close. But prior to the Portrait Vault? She definitely hears the arrest of her parents, and the trial...she was, after all, present for it. Come to think of it...what if she was there as a witness? Not willingly, of course. Too young to understand what was going on, bullied into giving testimony about that auror that her parents killed...Merula’s Worst Memory, perhaps? Well, at least until the Portrait Vault, anyway. 

Tulip Karasu. Oh my, Tulip Karasu. She, like Merula’s parents, is one of a few people who would ultimately challenge her worldview. Merula loves her parents and misses them, despite their “failure” embodying everything that she tries to reject. Along comes Tulip - someone brilliant. A loner like Merula. They’re two shady little oddballs and they gravitate to each other. The admiration is mutual, and unlike with Jacob’s Sibling, Merula doesn’t feel as much reluctance to enjoy Tulip’s company. But she still doesn’t let all her walls down. She won’t admit Tulip is her friend, even if they’ve become best mates. I think both of these two characters changed each other, a bit. That a little of Tulip rubbed off on Merula, and vice-versa. When the betrayal happened, like so many other traumatic events in Merula’s life, it set her back. She regressed. Bonds make a person weak. People, associates, are only good for one thing - using them to further your own ends. This is what Merula learned. This is what Tulip unfortunately taught her. That being said, I don’t think it meant nothing to her when Tulip become friends with MC. Followed by Barnaby. This is where her envy of Jacob’s Sibling would probably reach a boiling point. Where she (almost justifiably) might feel as though they were taking everything from her. However horrible Merula might have behaved, no one wants to hear they are terrible in all of the ways their rival is great. 

While all of this is happening, I think Merula continued to try and flex. To prove herself. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried out for Quidditch every year to honor her parents, and either didn’t make the team outright, or was disqualified for trying to sabotage other participants. All the while, she continues to show-boat and flex. I bet her favorite Quidditch team is the Falmouth Falcons, who are famous for being violent and playing dirty. (Look them up, they’re exactly her kind of people.) Speaking of that, ever wonder what her relationship was like with Felix? Or Snape? We know that Felix defends her and calls MC a bully if you trick him for the Common Room break-in during Year 2. Anyone with half a brain knows that’s not what’s happening, and I’m sure Felix does too. He knows what Merula gets up to. But he lies and defends her, however much she might drive him crazy, because she is still his charge. Because Slytherins take care of their own. I’d imagine the same thing is true with Snape. He cannot stand Merula, but he will still try to look out for her or clean up her messes when he can, because she’s one of the snakes. Remember when he said “I genuinely wish you weren’t lying.” He doesn’t want to punish Merula. Not like he does MC. Merula is clearly the obnoxious little sister of Slytherin house. 

Along comes Year 4. Along comes Patricia Rakepick. Strap in everybody, it’s time to get to heart of Merula’s problems. Mainly her mommy issues. Because Rakepick is, or at least appears to be, everything that Merula wishes she could be. This is someone she can emulate, like she did her mother. Someone she can idolize without any of that confused anger that she has toward MC - who, at the same time, she is growing fond of, whether she admits it to herself or not. Rakepick essentially represents everything that her parents used to be, and could have been, had they not “failed.” Merula herself draws the comparison. This isn’t lost on Rakepick, and she makes use of it. There’s no way that Rakepick’s comparison to the Curse-Breaking apprentice team of Year 5 being like a “family” wasn’t done for Merula’s benefit. Merula hears that, and she feels accepted. She feels loved. Like she’s part of a family again. It’s dysfunctional and weird, but that’s all she knows. She doesn’t just want to emulate Rakepick and learn to be powerful like her...she wants to earn Rakepick’s approval, to make her proud. To “win” the love of a mother figure. I believe Tulip’s suspicion, Tulip’s ability to see what was really going on, unfortunately only pushed Merula further away from her and closer to her new “family.” 

Speaking of pushing people away, it’s about time we talked about Ismelda Murk. About the friendship that was formed out of mutual convenience, rather than actual chemistry. By the end of Year 3, these two loners don’t have anyone else. But they don’t click the way that Merula did with Tulip. Ismelda doesn’t have the talents or the passion that Merula admired in Tulip, and Ismelda has far less patience for Merula’s show-boating. But they were all each other had, at least at first. Then Merula completely dropped Ismelda in favor of her new “family” because she was feeling emotional fulfillment and didn’t “need” Ismelda anymore. Most of this would be unconscious, but that would be the motivator. Considering that Ismelda started hanging out with Beatrice in Year 6, and Merula is rarely involved, I think it’s safe to say the two of them never recovered from that distance. 

Meanwhile, Merula is having the time of her life with her new family. With her annoying but mostly harmless older brother Bill. With her long-time rival turned sort-of friend now acting as a sibling figure. A sibling figure...who she has romantic tension with. (Hey, I did say that it was dysfunctional. That’s almost certainly on purpose.) And then there’s her amazing, badass new mom. Everything is shaping up for Merula. She’s going to be the Best Witch at Hogwarts, the greatest Curse-Breaker the world has ever known. All she has to do is emulate. Try to be just like the amazing Patricia Rakepick. Our poor child truly believed all this. Then the Portrait Vault happened. Look, we need to face that however fun the dynamic might have been, however “cool” mentor-Rakepick was...it was never a truly good thing. It wouldn’t be, even if she wasn’t a villain. Rakepick was never cut out to look after children, beyond grooming them into being lawless explorers like her. And honestly? She was completely open about that. But that’s just what Merula wanted. It’s what she thought she needed. She wouldn’t gravitate to someone like Flitwick, or McGonagall. No, she’d want someone like her parents. Someone powerful, who doesn’t play by the rules. Someone cool. Like Rakepick, or Jacob. (We’ll get to that.) 

So imagine how much it completely shattered her world when Rakepick did what she did. The Cruciatus Curse is one thing. It’s unspeakable. But I guarantee you the real damage was done with Rakepick’s words. “Merula thinks she’s my favorite? Is she anyone’s?” I promise you those words cut through Merula like a knife - because there was a lot of truth to them. Every time that MC or one of their peers told Merula how horrible she was. Every time someone chose MC over her. All of that insecurity upended with just a few simple words. But it’s so much worse than that. This is worse than Tulip’s betrayal, not just on the scale, not just because it happened a second time...but because this is a mother figure, something Merula desperately wanted and needed. For the second time in her life, she’s losing that...and being made to feel responsible for it. After all, shouldn’t she have “known better” than to let her walls down? Didn’t she know better than to show weakness? Vulnerability? Rakepick is reinforcing all the wrong lessons with this betrayal. She is setting Merula back countless steps. Anyone would regress after this and Merula was in such a fragile state of development. She was making baby steps to being a better person. But then all of good that came out of this weird family unit was washed away. Merula had the rug pulled out from  under her once again, and there’s nothing she hates and fears more than being in that position. 

Why do you think she becomes so desperate to have revenge when all is said and done? What else does Merula have at this point? What else can she latch onto, what else can she default to? Just like when she lost her parents, and was spiraling...she needed something. A purpose. So she wouldn’t go mad. So she wouldn’t have to properly confront all of his trauma. Make no mistake, Merula is not in touch with how she’s really feeling right now. She’s displacing it, putting it in a box and sticking with what she knows. Anger. Domination. Power. These are the only ways that she knows how to navigate the world. If you can’t do that, you fail, and it’s your own fault. That’s what she believes, and after what Rakepick put her through, why wouldn’t she? Merula doesn’t want revenge. She feels like she needs it. Rakepick “defeated” her, and that sits in her heart, tied to the betrayal. She thinks if she can kill Rakepick, she can put all this behind her. But of course she can’t, of course that’s not how it works. Even if Merula was powerful enough to finish off Rakepick, and even if she wasn’t investigated for it, it wouldn’t make her happy. She would just feel empty. And I think she knows that too, on some level. But she can’t admit it to herself. She’s regressed, and the lack of self-awareness is almost heart-breaking. She’s latched onto Jacob in the same way that she did Rakepick. Rejected any affection with Jacob’s Sibling as well, probably because she associates them with Rakepick, emotionally. That positive bond was part of the whole “apprentice” team, that Rakepick founded. What’s more, she’s learned her lesson about being vulnerable with people. What if the next person to betray Merula, is MC? After what happened, how does she know that they won’t be? Better not to risk it. 

You might notice two phrases that I’ve been using a lot. “She would never admit it to herself.” and “She defaulted to-” Because that’s kind of Merula’s whole deal. She has a pathological aversion to looking vulnerable, which she’s unable to reconcile with the reality that we can’t always avoid that. She’s in denial. She also associates cruelty with strength. She associates empathy and kindness with being “weak.” This is why she tries so hard to be a bully. She’s trying to be dominant. It’s what she defaults to, as I’ve said. But she’s only human. Let’s be honest, she’s not cold-hearted or emotionless. She isn’t sadistic. She ‘s a wounded child, who has shown time and again that she has feelings - she definitely felt something for characters like Tulip, Rakepick, and MC. But to admit that is to admit vulnerability. To apologize for anything she’s done, however sorry she might actually be, to admit she’s wrong -about anything - is to admit vulnerability Merula just can’t do that. Everything she’s ever learned...from her parents. From Tulip. From Rakepick. 

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 1A - “The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me”-Ruthie

This is not the tribe I would have picked. I do not know anyone here which means I am at a disadvantage from the start. However, I am really connecting with Jules right now so maybe I can vibe with them enough to get an immediate ally. But I still need someone else. I am still figuring out my tribe so it will take me a hot minute to adjust. I hope I am not the first boot. I am going to pull my weight in this challenge and pull my first W ever!

I'm fucked, Jess knows how i play bc she literally just hosted me for Old west like a month ago. Whoops. Also joanna is in a competely different house than be so I'm crying. So far I do like my other housemates but we'll see how much of a slytherin they truly are as the days go by.

why. does. this. cast. have. to. be. full. of. icons. i'm really not that good at survivor?? hopefully i do okay??? just tryna be social and shit. (also Ravenclaw is the best)

I’m heading to bed and the boys are about to have a call... I hope an all boys alliance isn’t about to form I’m not here for that! So far I’ve just talked to Kevin and Lily one on one and so far I really like both of them! I’m going to get to know the others tomorrow. This cast is so iconic. I talked to Owen before I read that we weren’t supposed to and he and I are going to go to final two together if neither of us get voted out!

i am SO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE ANY INITIAL GOOD VIBES ABOUT ANYONE ON MY TRIBE!!!!!! NOT A PERSON!!!!!!!! AND I DONT WANT TO BE THAT ANNOYING BITCH ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR LIVES!!!! AND SHIT!!!!!!!!! ugh i dont want to be first boot EITHER LIKE!!!!!!! ugh. uGH.

Me and Jules are literally kindred souls. I love her so much already and she is my ride or die for the rest of the season. Fuck these other bitches!

Why do I feel like I am the only one putting in effort for this challenge. At least this means I will be safe for a hot minute, right?

Okay so... Max and Landen still haven't accepted my friend request I noticed when I just tried to message them.  I'm still talking to Kevin and Lily A LOT!  Kevin is so easy to talk to and Lily is too and she and I have SO much in common!  I really like the idea of aligning with the two of them but I'm too nervous to suggest it just yet. 

 Also, my wand was special and I got a special idol hunt out of it!  I didn't find anything but still!  I'm glad that I at least got one word??  Not sure if our team will win a reward or not but it would be nice!

Honestly, my tribe seems to be particularly inactive and nonchalant. I am the most active person here, in my opinion. It is kind of frustrating, however, to be the only one trying in this challenge except for the very few and far between exceptions. Joshua even forgot about the challenge entirely! I hope to God that these people, if we have to go to tribal because we lose the immunity challenge, do not vote me out. Honestly, it would make no sense since I am already proving that I will be a challenge asset and very active. I would make the best ally out of everyone on my tribe! I would be allies with myself!

I LOVE YOU OWEN BUT PLEASE GO SUCK A DICK. You need to stop. Wth, go back to school so we can get some points. You too Kevin DX But we're in the lead so far *knock on wood* and hopefully stay that way. Love Jess and I hope I can take her to like f4 but I think I want to take Joanna and Owen to f3 if I even make it that far

This cast.... WHOA!!!! feel like yall had to put some of these ppl under imperius curse to get them back because I havent seen these faces in a WHILE!!!! Ruthie is a queen, first thing we messaged to each other was f2 <333 love her but dont trust that she wont turn on me at some point lol. Raffy my little island of shade bro, and Autumn <3 crossroads queen.... nice to see some of my children back here. I'm glad Jess is in the game because I like her a lot but I did just disappoint her in eve's challenge game so...we will see. but i love jess regardless :) ummmm... so happy I was sorted onto the brain tribe, then immediately proceeded to fuck up several times in the spelling challenge LOL

My tribe is nice though. I'm glad I'm with Dan - we have a weird history in games, but we've both been here for 7/8 years at this point and our ancient bones will prob work together. I already think him and Jules are going to be my alliance on this tribe <3 jules is AMAZING but I can tell they (? is this correct pronouns i dont remember and it wasnt in the posts) are a social legend and are going to be on EVERYONE's good side. love them though already, we have a lot in common and it was easier to talk to them + also get into a bit of game chat.

Joanna and Miguel....not so much. I like them both fine, but they don't know how to converse. I asked them all a shit ton of questions and they didn't ask a SINGLE thing back???? Like...okay work! I can't do it all for you, give me somethin!!!! I do like them both, it's just....they don't give a shit about me! LOL

Miguel is also an awkward one because I played with him LEGIT five years ago or more, in a game where we were on opposite sides. I'd rather work with him based on that connection than not but...apparently he already told Jules that we were against each other before??? and he's barely spoken to me so whatever. I like him, he's cute and he's funny, but.... if he's telling people more about me than he's willing to even get out of me myself, it's a no from me :)

WOOHOOOO WE WON REWARD!! I DIDN'T REALLY HELP (i tried but with no success) BUT I'M STILL REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT! THANK GOD FOR OWEN

Well it’s day 2, we just lost reward but Immunity is still up for grabs!! Hopefully it’s something we can excell it but 👀 a bitch don’t have many skills so we gon have to see on that one! Other than that we got to know our tribe mates, I have a really good tribe! First off there is Ruthie who I played an old season of TS with and I worked with her BUT also voted her out :c so maybe we can work together and look past that? She was a really good ally of mine but it didn’t work out. I’ve loved talking to her again tho <3 then there is Lily! A new person to me but I absolutely adore her I love her energy she’s so talkative our conversations have been really good! If I had it my way I would work with her in this game, but I don’t want to force anything so I’m not gonna bring that up to her this early. Then there is landen another familiar face to me, I played also a TS season with him, and we had a rocky relationship in that game, not really do in part to either of us just how the cards fell. I did NOT vote him out but we didn’t end our game relationship on the best terms. He seems the least eager to want to talk to me which is not a good sign bc I remember him being so outgoing in 2020 and that energy not being matched here worries me. He also addressed me as “mr. 2020 winner” in our first talk so <3 maybe he might target me <3 thays so fun <3 lastly there is MAX! Max is fun, kinda loud but in a good way, he wasn’t all that helpful in the challenge for reward (him nor landen were all that active) and we had a good first conversation and then it’s seemingly gone downhill? I still have to see if our momentum picks back up before I decide what my plans with him are, i wouldn’t mind working with him if possible but he is also fairly close to landen (apparent after an over 2 hour long call last night.. IN THE TRIBE CHAT) so if landen has a distaste for me he’ll definitely spread that to max if he has the choice, so I gotta tread carefully but only time will tell how I end up fairing on this tribe :o WISH ME LUCK 

It is second day of school and I already hate everyone. It seems that I actually went back to Junior high where everyone's playing PENIS on the great hall. I forgot how it felt to play with teenagers and I'm not here for it. I think I'll be a true ravenclaw and isolate myself reading a book or learning new spells cause I don't have many interests in common with these people. On a side note I'm really happy to be a Ravenclaw, and I actually like our team, I think we are strong and I hope I'm not in danger if we do lose, I'll try to work on my foreigner charm and start faking even more my mexican accent if that's what I need to do in order to stay, Jules is amazing, loved her and I hope we can work well together. Also I love the whole castle idol hunt idea , so... charming.

First things first... this cast is... BONKERS. I didn't expect it to be as stacked as it is..

I'm scared.

I hate it here.

There are sooo many weird relationships here which is kind of a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing about it is... I THINK that means some people got beef and I can maybe piggy back off of some of these relationships... IDK I'm not trying to think too deep into anything right now.

BUT... y'all put me on a tribe with someone who just single handily put me out of a game TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO and I'd like to complain to your MANAGERS @hosts.

In all seriousness I'm going to try and have fun in this game and not take it entirely tooo seriously.

ALSO.. my fucking wand gave me the option for a "quest" yesterday but it'd have to remove me from the tribe chat... so obviously... I gave the quest to someone else. Aka: Jacob.. who I knew would be a selfish bitch and take the quest. I also knew the likelihood of him telling me about what actually happened were high and I'd virtually get no weird looks my way because I WASN'T the one who was removed from the tribe chat. This basically ensured that I got to know what the quest was, its potential contents, and paint a target on someone else rather than myself in case there was virtually nothing to base the first couple of votes on... right?

I think I'm onto something with the idol guesses. There's weird storylines in them and I THINK if I can somehow get to the green house and find the other ingredients that were in Snape's writing I'll be onto something.

Also me and Jacob snapped in that Reward challenge and these HEATHENS should thank us for single-handily giving them a reward. Nick randomly slept all god damn day.. which really annoyed me. We have a reward and you are gonna SLEEP ALL DAY? SIR? I get real life happens but at least hide the fact you sleeping sis.

My tribe is literally probably the LAST TRIBE I wanted to end up on because well.. 1. Nick is shady and social. He might take the fact that I was loyal to people in the other game into account. I've tried the whole "I start off each game fresh and no hard feelings" spell but will he accept it? Tune in folks. I also technically can't explain my actions in the game to him because he is currently still in it so... PARTY!

2. Jacob is amazing and I love him. We've actually played several games together and weirdly always end up super loyal to people. He's a crackhead though so I'm gonna have to be a BIT cautious with him. I sipped dumb bitch juice and told him about Snape's writing because I want to show him some sort of token of loyalty.

3. Vi is a crackhead. I know this because I've hosted her. Kind of wanna fuck around and give her first boot from the tribe because I DO NOT TRUST HER. When she gets bored, she fucks things up, she lies for fun, and well... no.

4. Jessie seems really sweet so far. We haven't really spoken much which kind of sucks but we will get there!? I think?

I think some may have found something, because I just idol searched and I the exact same path I did yesterday, and yesterday there were three different choices and today there were only two. The only reason I could think of why one of the ending options were removed is that something was there and something was found...

12 minutes later

turns out it was a mistake, never mind

Okay it is challenge time and Max is around I think and Lily is finishing a class but KEVIN AND LANDEN ARE LATE, they are delinquents I expect more from Hufflepuffs than this tardiness.

I'm definitely kidding but... may not be able to be around for the entire challenge if they don't hurry the heck up.  Part of me wants to start but I don't want this to be on me if we don't do well.  OH Kevin just messaged me so at least another tribe member is on... WHY is he not messaging the tribe chat?? OH Lily is on now so I should stop writing and get to business...  WISH us cute little badgers luck!

I'm definitely kidding but... may not be able to be around for the entire challenge if they don't hurry the heck up.  Part of me wants to start but I don't want this to be on me if we don't do well.  OH Kevin just messaged me so at least another tribe member is on... WHY is he not messaging the tribe chat?? OH Lily is on now so I should stop writing and get to business...  WISH us cute little badgers luck!

20 minutes later

been doing this challenge for over an hour, i feel defeated

If this wasn't a team work thing I would be done by now these people are slowing me down. x_x.  DLSJFSLDFJ I shouldn't complain. They all have good ideas but it takes FOREVER to agree on something.  Also I do feel like an asset to the hufflepuff tribe because when I was eating lunch with my family Lily messaged me and told me I was the glue holding the tribe together and she wished I was back and that made me feel VERY good about my place on the tribe!

But seriously I'm just ready for the challenge to be over so low key I hope that Max stops responding for awhile again so I can just say random shit until we finish the dang thing LSDJFLSJDF.

The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me.

That challenge went terribly. In all honesty, I would not blame my tribe for wanting to take me out because I took up the leadership role. But it was not like anyone else was taking the reigns so I needed to do something. I just hope they can see the merits of keeping me in this game. I really don't want to be first boot. I think we're going to have to go to tribal because we we took so long. God this is going to be so frustrating.

This challenge is NEVER going to end I'm trying to be patient but Max always interjects with something and it SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN FOR TEN MINUTES.  OR MORE. I just have this window open to complain, lol, I won't send this for awhile. LOL Max is killing me. All the boys are exhausting I don't think they have been paying any attention to the notes I have been making, if we go to tribal council Lily and I SHOULD be safe.

OKAY it was fun that everyone just joined in in the end but I'm so glad that it is over and I hope that we won this thing and are safe!

me: im gonna be sneaky and not tell my alliance ALL the info i have also me: tells them info i couldnt possibly know without telling them ALL the info i have anyways.

https://youtu.be/qhfHo_Ns1xQ

Living my dream as a huff puff, no big deal. So far I’m really enjoying being on my tribe. We all communicate well and have positive attitudes about things. We also had so much fun at the immunity challenge but I can tell we are all stressed about the results. I’m really impressed by everyone this season being involved and I could tell people were on their A game during the reward challenge. I would really hate to see us as the bottom tribe having to go to tribal. I honestly don’t want to see any of these people go but I certainly don’t want to be first boot. I’m really proud of our tribe and I would hate to have a loss right now put a crack in the friendships we have been building.

[peachiejihoonie]

yoon jisung - demigod!au; nemesis

for those who dont know, nemesis is the goddess of revenge, retribution and balance

shocked? same for jisung.

jisung was adopted by a very loving and caring family with very accepting siblings.

no one knows about his family or past; it was the cliche, he was left on rhe porch of the family in basket wrapped in a ducky blanket, something he still dearly treasures since he feels its his only connection to his biological parents.

he was home schooled, so he had a limited amount of friends which meant he was very protective and loving of his family.  

he lived a pretty normal life, and since he wasn’t exactly the most powerful of demigods, monsters didn’t really bother to chase him down.

up until he was about to finish highschool with his home school program thing that is

he was at the grocery store, picking up produce for his family since he had promised to cook dinner that night,

he was reaching for the tomatoes when a big burly hand suddenly grabbed his wrist.

slowly looking up he saw a big muscular man looking down at him with the biggest huffs and puffs coming out out of his mouth.

“y-yo-you can ha-a-ave th-the to-to-toma-tomato if yo-you want” he stuttered, gulping a lump down his throat.

slowly, he watched the big man throws his wrist down and the tomato flung out of his hand smashing into the shelf, the force creating a hole through the shelf

luckily the civilians around only saw it splatter onto the cereal boxes because of the mist but many angry customers were watching in disgust

jisung ran over to the shelf and attempted to pick up the tomato but of course in his vision it wasn’t there but behind the shelf

he looked up, about to ask why the man did that but instead was meet with a kick in the gut that flung him into shelf

screams exploded around him and he gripped his stomach painfully

the man had reached his eye level, just grunting and smirking, through his blurry vision, jisung noticed his eyes slowly combining into one and he wanted to scream, realizing he was witnessing a cyclops about to beat him to pulp

instead only tears rolled down his checks and inaudible sounds escaped from his mouth. all he could think about was his family and how theyre going to react if he suddenly died or disappeared

as the cyclops was about to grab him, he squeezed his eyes shut, (causing more tears to spill) expecting to be crushed but instead he heard another loud crash

there you were, all bad ass in just a tshirt and jeans. he had realized you had kick down the cyclops twice your size.

before the cyclops could get back up your frame was already on top of him, your dagger already aligned with it’s eyes

jisung’s sobs erupted as you jabbed your dagger in and quickly jumped off the cyclops, grabbing his hands, pulling up his knees

“stop crying we gotta go okay" you said hurriedly, trying to calm him down

he’s a child; cheeks stained red, eyes shut tightly with over flowing tears and you raise a brow

“I ha-have t-t-to c-co-co-cook din-dinner"

you end up having to drag him out of the grocery store before the cyclops could attack again, you both run blocks until you make it to a parking lot

now he’s panting, sobbing and wont stop rambling about his family

“look as much as you love your family, you’re in danger okay” you’re trying not to rolling your eyes cause honestly what the fuck

you explain to him he NEEDS to bounce on over to camp half blood because monsters are after him since he’s a demigod

he’s stubborn though, he refuses to go with you he just needs to cook for his family

and you both just keep bickering like why can’t he understand he needs to fucking leave he’s in danger

and why cant you understand that family is important and that he can’t just disappear

you guys are having major culture shocks, it just something each of you weren’t used to

you weren’t used to the idea of a loving and tightly knitted family and he wasn’t used to “fending for yourself” 

so you guys compromise, he can finish this dinner thing and then the next morning he’ll leave with you with the condition that he can come back and that you’d stop bringing up this demigod nonsense for one night

so you guys go grocery shopping together again, he notices your uptight behavior and constant glances of worries and he tries to ease you by being his good ol happy self, all meme like and jolly 

you guys also end up introducing yourselves (finally)

as you guys are the leaving the store, he apologizes about your dagger and you blinked a couple times like “wdym?????”

and he’s like “your dagger ?????? the one you left in the cyclops???????”

“OOH, dw bout it, it’s gonna come back”

he’s dumbfounded, like what the fuck are you saying ?????

“it’s reappears when I need it, it’s name it’s emfanistei"

“oh that’s cute it’s literally named reappear”

and he catches himself, he’s wide eyed

“w HY dO I kNoW THa T?????????????” he freaks the fuck out

and you’re like chiiiiiilllll it’s cause you’re greek u demigod calm down

when you make it back to his place, you’re starting telling him you’ll be back at dawn he has math equations around his head

“where are you going?” 

“finding a motel?”

this is also the first time you hear jisung go “what the fuck” and you see him with the most sassiest face that you didn’t think the crybaby happy go lucky boy could pull off

he forces you to eat dinner with his family, they’re all really sweet and all but you’ve never felt so out place

they’re all so sweet and caring it makes you feel bad for intruding

you both somehow bs an explanation and they’re convinced that he’s going to some intern summer camp thing

he insists you sleep on his bed and he takes the bean bag but you refuse, feeling bad for what you put him through all day

you both end up staying up a bit too late, discussing each other lives 

he was extremely fascinated by your demigod life

you also learn he’s adopted and that’s why hes so caring about his family

“i mean, i can’t loose two families right??”

he’s the type to suppress all his feelings in order to make other people feel better please protect the boy, hes actually sad deep down

he talked about how he used get bullied for it, how people told him how he was unwanted and useless 

it didn’t help that he was dyslexic and had adhd so he just turned to home schooling

he came to terms with it, knowing that he was loved by his family, whether or not they had the same dna and blood  

“I live a very happy and wholesome life now and that’s all that really matters right?” 

he doesn’t really hold a grudges against his biological parents, but he would just like to know why or what happened  

the next, he was all packed and ready to, packed as in just some essentials that he couldn’t survive without (his blanket)

it takes a lot of walking and buses to get to camp half blood, which makes a lot of room for conversations

there were a few awkward silences, good long talks (mainly him) and lots of exchanged jokes (also mainly him)

you guys end up talking about his potential parents and you were honest and said that he was probably demeter’s son but you really couldn’t tell

he realized that he knew nothing about your parentage so he was slightly surprised that you were ares’s child

“isn’t he like mean??? scary????? wAR??????”

and you kinda just chuckle because wow such stereotypes you’ve placed upon me

“but you’re so kind??? quiet??? i’m confused???”

and yall make it to camp half blood!!!!!

as soon as you get there your cabin mates kinda just scoff at him

“you got sooo lucky bro that they found you��

“ya, if we found you, you would’ve been done, you look like a twinkie”

and they snicker at each and you just roll your eyes

“leave him alone, its literally his first day”

he realizes that you’re really not the stereotypical ares kid

“oh shut up reject, this is why dad never sends you off to quests or gives you gifts.”

you’re walking away and jisung follows, trying to comfort you but you end up comforting him

“its fine, ares kids are always like that, just ignore them”

and this happens constantly and everytime jisung would just run by your side 

honestly since he’s so cheery and happy, he’s loved by many campers, except for the ares cabin

but he never ever drifts from you, you’re still his top priority 

you think he’s just being sweet and nice to you because you sorta saved his life

he always saves you a seat during meals and has your favorite drink already at the table 

at the bonfire, he’d always have an extra large blanket for you to share 

he even let you stay at his hermes cabin over night once because your siblings were being assholes

(he’s in the hermes cabin because he wasn’t claimed yet)

thats’ the night you realize how fast your heart races when you’re around him

you liked him

something about the two of you just clicked

it takes him a while to get claimed but he does, during a game of capture the flag

you get in a fight with your other cabin mates and they’re blaming you for losing 

even though jisung was on the other team, he came over and stood up for you

he cited how unfair your teammates were acting and insisted that they shouldn’t get to use the showers first since they were being assholes

“how does that even remotely make sense? that’s so petty, like showers???” your half siblings complained

“yea, cause you guys are complaining about something bratty, that means you get a bratty punishment”

even mr.d was amused by the solution since he was overhearing the argument

bam, he’s claimed by his mother nemesis

everyone is shook and he doesn’t understand why at first; theres a lot of scattered whispering

you have to explain to him that her children are known for being traitors, and self entitled assholes

it takes him a while to get used to, he’s angered by her because she’s kinda known for being a huge asshole and sorta evil and hes the polar opposite

but overtime he accepts himself like he always does, he realizes that he is a firm believer in balance

he doesn’t believe in irrational punishment and revenge, but he knows when its needed.

so he ends up becoming a referee for capture the flag occasionally when mr.d isn’t available because he’s “busy”

one time during another argument that involved you again, the ares cabin called him out for being your little guard dog

“so what if i stand up for them?” jisung responds “you guys are the ones treating them like shit”

“ya okay, go ahead, go to your little boy toy since you’re such a weakling and can’t stand up for yourself”

and jisung’s sassy side just goes OFF

“look here, you know damn well that y.n can literally beat the both of you into a pulp, unlike you though, they doesn’t feel the need to show off nor waste their energy on such useless statements, especially from low lifers like you guys.”

and the two ares children that were talking are furious but before they attack jisung you kinda just kick them down

“leave him alone okay, hes not my boy toy, I can genuinely for people unlike you inconsiderate assholes”

and as you two are walking away, he realized what you said

“you care for me?” he asked

“ya?” you bluntly replied

“like care care for me?”

“what does that even mean?”

“i like you” he blurts

and yall date,

and you perfectly balance each other ;-)

he’s really talkative and you’re a great listener 

he makes you laugh and relax and you keep him check 

you’re both protective of each other 

he really loves embarrassing you cause you’re still pretty shy about skinship, 

he finds you all red faced super cute

hes always sitting with the hermes cabin since he had been close with a lot of them since he wasn’t claimed for a long while and he has no one in the nemesis cabin that he isnt he afraid of 

and he always invites you over during meal times and the hermes cabin relentlessly tease you guys

he races you up the lava climbing wall and never wins

you help him with the history of greek mythology to which he always claims is boring and useless

when he sees you during sword fight class and defeating someone he would cheer so loud it almost embarrasses you 

“yEES thAtS mY ArES sIGnIFIcaNT OThER!!!!!!” “MY 10 OUT OF 10!!!!” “look did you see them just drop kicked that big guy?? tHEYrE mInE!!” 

and he’s all the way across the field near the cabin so everyone can hear him

your first kiss was at the armory while you guys were searching for a weapon for him

ya you both didn’t realize he was playing capture the flag weaponless

“what, i didn’t even do much anyways, i just kinda looked around, and if i found the flag i just told my teammates? besides, i don’t even play that often anyways”

“but yoU WeRE wEAPonlESS???? dEFenSeLeSS??????”

but you guys both find a him sword after sorting through all the too heavy and too light ones

“thanks babe youre the best! :-)))” and he kisses your cheek “perks of dating an ares child !!!!” 

god hes such a cutie

and you don’t realize that you’re staring at him, admiring his cute his smile and his half closed eyes

but he does, so he leans in to try to kiss you, but accidentally knocks down the barrel of spears, scaring the daylights out of you

he’s bright red and giggling and you just sigh and you end up kissing him, holding up the barrel of swords that was behind the spears just in cases it falls

you guys are exactly the the unexpected

the two scary mean violent cabins, dating in one peaceful harmony

how ironically fitting 

[lostlegendaerie]

Fluff Week Prompt: It starts like this: Chorus has A LOT of feral cats. It ends like this: Wash running Chorus's first new animal shelter and spay/release program.

I DIDN’T REMEMBER THAT YOU SAID ‘A LOT OF CATS’ AND JUST REMEMBERED WASHINGTON WITH STRAY CATS, ANYWAY, I WROTE THIS MOSTLY ON THE BUS AND IN THE LAST HOUR, GOD HELP ME I’M BACK ON MY SHIT.

Rating: T for language and (non-violent) animal death. Ship: TuckingtonWord Count: 2.5K

—–

The first time Washington watches a cat crawl from a ruined building, he almost mistakes it for a rat (or one of the terrifying Chorus mega-rodents) and shoots. But then the ears twitch, distinctive triangles, and he drops his gun with a clatter.

The next day, he leaves a bowl of meat scraps in its path, and comes back to see it rotten and swollen with insects. He tries a trail camera and only catches shadows of movement - spends three days in the archives trying to find a map of the building so he can find its other lanes of travel without stomping all overs it’s personal space - and the fourth time he tries to slip out of the mess with half a raw fish in his armor Tucker catches.

“Surprised you didn’t try shoving that in your codpiece,” he snarks. Wash gives him a dry look. “… okay, but seriously, what’s with you? You’re all– twitchy. I’m worried you’re gonna start blowing up bodies or shooting Donut again.”

“No, I’m–” he looks around to see if anyone else is paying attention; when he turns back to Tucker, the sim-trooper’s expression is even more suspicious. “I found a cat.”

“… And? You scared of them?”

“No!”

Tucker looks down at the fish in Wash’s hands, that’s starting to smell and shed scales the longer it’s handled. “Ohhhh my god you’re trying to make friends with it. You’re trying to make friends with it and failing. That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard–”

Wash spins on his heel and makes to storm off. He makes it two steps before a hand claps on his shoulder and he’s sorely tempted to slam the fish in Tucker’s stupid, beautiful face and grind the meat into it. “Fuck off.”

“Hey, man, I wanna help.”

Now it’s Washington’s turn to look suspicious. “Have you ever, wanted to help anybody, in your entire life?”

Tucker pokes him in the chest. “Happens as much to me as it does to you, jackass. You gonna let me or not?”

Washington gives him another once over, digging for ulterior motives in Tucker’s expression - he knows they have to be there, he just can’t find them yet - but the smell of the fish is getting obnoxious so he concedes.

“Fine. You can help.”

“Awesome! Lavernius Tucker, solver of pussy problems, is on the case.”

The winsome smile accompanying that does nothing to stem Washington’s immediate buyers remorse.

—

“And why the fuck,” says Grif, choosing Now of all times to take his job as supply supervisor seriously, “would I loan you the infrared surveillance equipment?”

“I swear, it’s for Washington!”

He snorts. “If you wanted to see him naked, you could probably just ask him.”

“I–” Tucker takes a second to process what Grif means, and then another second to imagine actually getting Washington to strip for him. “It’s not to look at Washington, it’s to help him out with– something.”

“So you’re helping him peep at the girls?”

“No!”

This apparently has exhausted all of Grif’s possible scenarios for the infra-red, and he stands staring at Tucker. If he wasn’t wearing his helmet, Tucker assumes Grif would be gaping.

“Why?”

“He wants to catch this cat or something, I don’t care, the point is, I’m going to be there as Agent Washington looks like a total sap cooing over feral animals and somebody has to record this. For blackmail.”

“Now now, Tucker, you know it’s polite to ask before you start recording!” Donut rounds the corner just then, sounding as chipper as ever. “That being said, Grif, I totally think you should give it to him.”

Grif clutches the crate of equipment closer to his chest. “Fuck off, Donut.”

“No, really! I think it’d be a great bonding opportunity for Washington to see Tucker in heat!”

“Uh… thanks?” Tucker ventures, reaching for the crate while keeping a close eye on Donut.

“Sure thing, Tucker. You know I love to play for your team.” His pink helmet tips in a perfect approximation of a flirtatious wink, and Tucker snatches the crate out of Grif’s hands and bolts.

Washington is waiting for him at the coordinates listed with a cooler in his hand (that Tucker is pretty sure was stolen from medical and was designed for organ transportation) and a mistrustful stare.

“I thought you stood me up,” the ex-Freelancer admits, making room behind the bench for Tucker to kneel. They’re across the street from an abandoned building a few miles away from the main base in Armonia, and there’s little signs of previous stakeouts; a scope, a food bowl with bits of dried meat stuck to it, a handful of towels.

Cute, thinks Tucker, and then comes back to the present with a shiver. Guess Donut rubbed off on him.

… Wait.

“What’s with the gear?”

“Oh, it’s infrared, that way we can spy, uhhhh, survey the cats without bothering them. Or something. That’s what you’re supposed to do with cats, right? Give them their space?”

Washington is already starting to set up the equipment. “Depends on the cat,” he says, pulling out the legs on a tripod. “The one I had in high school was a real sweetheart. Wouldn’t sleep on my bed but whenever I came home from school he wanted to be in my lap as I did homework.”

The mental picture of a young Washington - especially a young Washington with a cat - seems like another, fresh impossibility. Tucker checks the settings on the infrared camera and passes it over, letting Washington struggle attaching it to the base as he picks at the dried food in the dish.

“I never had any pets.”

“… Really?”

“I had a pet toad for like, a week. Then I had to let it go.” He’d kind of forgotten about that until now. Spikeball was a small, fat fellow who trilled whenever Tucker picked him up. (Later, of course, he learned that all male toads made this sound either in distress or as a mating call, but Tucker wanted to believe that his younger self had been gentle with the little bastard.) “Other than that, the closest thing I had to an animal in my house was one of my ex-girlfriends. Roxanne.”

“I was starting to feel bad for you,” Washington says dryly, “and then you had to ruin the moment.”

“What moment, dude? Not like I missed out on much. Pets are like babies, but they can’t talk and they die way faster.”

For a moment, he thinks Washington’s silence is because he saw something through the camera. But then his yellow-striped helmet turns Tucker’s way and he says, slowly and deliberately as loading a gun, “just because it’s temporary doesn’t mean you don’t remember it forever.”

Tucker stares. Washington goes back to working on setting up the infrared, and by the time Tucker finds his tongue the moment is long, long gone.

—–

He’d been skeptical about the idea at first, but after they’d found the little uneven spot of orange in one corner of a room, Washington had been riveted. It could be a sleeping cat, or two. Maybe even kittens. They’d just have to wait and see.

Between the two of them, they manage to keep up a near constant watch all day; tagging out to do their part in the Chorus rebuild and tagging back in for their free time. By now it’s evening, the pair of them together behind the stone bench and Tucker’s keeping his boredom surprisingly under wraps.

“So, obviously, you can’t kill Donut since you tried that once and failed, therefore marry and… maybe fuck Simmons? He’s part robot. I wonder if his ass vibrates. You into robots any? I mean, who isn’t these days, everyone lives in their armor anyway and aside from like a sense of identity robots are basically the same–”

“What if it’s kittens?”

Tucker stops gesturing with his hands. “… You’d fuck kittens?” he asks, laying on his back beside Washington in a pose that cannot be comfortable. In retaliation, Washington flicks him in the visor.

“No, the building. What if it’s kittens? What if their mom isn’t coming back?”

“Oh.” He rolls over then, resting on his elbows. “… Do you wanna go get them?”

“I don’t… know. We’ve been here for hours. I’d think the mother would have come back by now. I mean, it’s possible that– hey,” he cuts himself off as Tucker gets to his feet and starts walking away. “Where are you going?”

“We’re gonna go get your kittens, Wash. Duh.”

Washington stares at him for another moment, mutters a dumbass under his breath and follows him in.

Led by the lights on their helmets and guilded by the tracking marker Washington had set, they wander the abandoned building together. It looks like something out of a classic horror game; old advertisements ruined by water and sunlight until the ink runs, rust stains on the walls from hard water leaks, hungry holes in the floor with exposed rebar fangs that Washington more than once tugs a distracted Tucker away from. But it’s Tucker who spots the cats first.

“Shit, dude,” he says, and at first glance Washington assumes it’s from affection. There’s a half dozen of the things, moving slowly and weakly in the beam of their flashlights under the cover of an old box. But then he recognizes the still shape laying beside them as their mother’s body, wrapped around them even in death.

Part of the floor crumbles under his boots and distantly he hears Tucker’s voice spike with concern, but all that matters to Washington is getting to the cats. “Easy, easy,” he says, in a voice that belongs to a man who died years ago, “I got you.”

He pulls off his helmet and scoops each of the kittens into it, using it like a makeshift basket. They’re small and dirty and so skinny it hurts, but one of them hisses when he reaches for it and Washington feels his heart might burst.

“I can’t hold them all,” Washington says, scooping up the angriest of the bunch and holding it out to Tucker. “Can you take this one?”

“Oh. Uh… yeah, s-sure,” he stammers, accepting the little bundle with more care than Washington has seen him use for live explosives. “No problem.”

“Let’s get them back to base. We should be able to find some stuff to make food for them. I don’t think they’ll need formula, but we’ll see.”

Tucker is unusually quiet the long walk back, but that’s all right. Washington talks enough for both of them, keeping his voice light and soothing as he tries to think of things the kittens should stay alive for.

—-

Tucker has fucked up. Like, spectacularly fucked up. Fucked up in ways that would go down in history books, if anyone still wrote the damn things and if they ever covered anything other than how cool white men were. Not only had he signed away all of his free time in the foreseeable future, but he had to spent it wrangling with mewling, biting, shitting kittens.

The worst part? Washington adored them. The worst worst part? Seeing a badass ex-Freelancer use the laser on his sniper rifle to entertain a grey striped shitbag while using a cute voice made Tucker fucking hard. Like, really hard. Stomach cramps level of horny.

“Grey,” he laments one time as they’re watching Washington towel dry one of the kittens after she’d gotten into some spilled motor oil, “I think I’m dying.”

“Not yet, you’re not!” she pronounces, elbowing him - hard - in the side. “Your fluctuating levels of testosterone and oxytocin are a natural byproduct of the paternal bond.”

“God, not that shit again.”

“Speaking of again, do you finally have time to show me the scars left behind by your parasitic pregancy with–”

Tucker jumps off the crate he’d been hunched over and approaches Washington. “Hey there, you look like you need an extra hand.”

“Uh, I guess. Knifle’s just about dry, but I wanna take a look at Puma again. He’s not been eating as much as he should.”

Tucker does a quick head count of the kittens in the towel lined box. “Hey, where’s the really pretty one? The one with the two different eyes?”

“Yorkie’s with Carolina,” Washington says, nodding to the woman seated on the other side of the room, grinning as the black and tan kitten sinks her tiny teeth into the gloved hand, tail lashing back and forth. “And I think Grif ran off with Kirk again. Now that he knows all the girls love the kittens, he keeps making Simmons hold them or something.”

“Hahaha, dumb girls,” Tucker says, biting the inside of his lip as Washington gently cleans out the white and tan cat’s ears. He’s seen those hands pulls the pins on grenades, plunge a knife through a man’s neck, dislocate arms; but it’s holding a goddamn kitten that makes his palms sweat and his mouth water. Fuck me, he thinks as both a swear and a plea.

“You know, you still haven’t named yours.”

“Mine?”

Washington nods at the grey striped one curled up in an angry orb, obviously trying to sleep as his littermates walked all over him. “You carried him home. You get to name him. Never too late for a pet”

“I don’t want a cat, Wash.” No, it’s not the kittens that keep him coming back. … Well, maybe a little. Just a bit. Knifle is pretty cute like this, now that she’s stopped screaming.

“He doesn’t have to be yours. But you should name him. Caboose named the black one Sparkles,” Washington adds, in a voice that suggests that somehow, Tucker’s naming of the thing could save it from a fate worse than death.

“You realize I could name it something awful, right? Like Pussy Destroyer? Or Church?” Church at least would be accurate. God knows the fucker bit him enough times to remind him of his old, teammate-shooting friend.

Washington raises one eyebrow, and fuck if Tucker doesn’t get hit with need in the pit of his stomach again. Goddamn it.

“… Spikeball?”

The eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, which doesn’t make him that much less fuckable.

“You know, because he’s like… Full of teeth and stuff. And claws.” Tucker tries to mime the little bastard’s propensity for violence, but he’s pretty sure he just looks like a dumbass.

“Those are really your top three? Never mind, then,” Washington says with a grimace. “Figures. Forgot you named your kid Junior.”

“Here’s an idea, then,” and Tucker pokes Washington in the forehead, right between his stupid judgy eyebrows, “Recovery One. One for short.”

His expression shifts under Tucker’s fingertip. “You’re naming him after me?”

“Sure. Bitey grey bastard I helped rescue, why not?”

Washington blinks at him, as if searching his expression for something. Tucker forces himself to hold eye contact, even as the intensity makes him swallow.

“… I could live with that one,” he says at last, fixing his gaze firmly on Knifle. Now that it’s gone, Tucker wants his attention back, and huffs as he adjusts his kneel.

“Glad to have your permission, Dad.”

Washington snorts.

[lindyhunt]

The Essential Engagement Quiz: How to Make Sure You’re Ready for Marriage

Premature proposals have become somewhat of a trend as of late. First, we had Pete Davidson popping the question to Ariana Grande after just a few weeks of dating. Then, Justin Bieber pulled the same move, putting a great big diamond ring on Hailey Baldwin’s finger. Sure, these two have history, but the “Sorry” singer and former FASHION cover star rekindled their romance only weeks before taking this huge step in their relationship. Everything is happening very fast.

If these early early engagements end with Baldwin and Grande walking down the aisle, what will the marriages look like? Greg Behrendt (author of the romcom classic He’s Just Not That Into You) and his wife, Amiira Ruotola, just dropped a new relationship book that might have the answer. Inside the pages of How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking, the New York Times best-selling authors share a 24-question engagement quiz that every couple should before making this major commitment towards marriage. Or, you know, before spending a fortune on a sparkly ring. Here’s an excerpt from the book:

***

Here is a quiz for you to take with your mate to get into the sticky bits that can be hard to talk about. Grab a couple sheets of paper and pens and write down your answers. Once you’ve answered each question, share your answers and see if you’re completely in sync or if there’s some talking to do. It’s important that you are honest with yourself and each other on all the big things because if you start this union off withholding your truth, it will cause you nothing but trouble. What you’re going for here is full transparency. Starting a dialogue is more important than being completely matched up on your answers. The conversations you will have on these topics will bring you closer together as a couple and make it more likely that you can overcome any standoffs you might have had otherwise. Talking good. Secrets bad. Lies worse. So, let’s get started with the How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking Engagement Quiz. Bon appétit!

FINANCES

The money I make is considered… A. Our money because we two are one, and I want to share everything with you. B. My money. Keep your grubby paws off it you big free-loader. Get your own J-O-B. C. I suppose it’s our money since we’re going to be married, but I might not want to put it all in the joint account because I’m not all that confident you know how to live within a budget. Maybe I’ll have a separate account on the side and just put a portion of my money (I mean OUR money) in that account each month, so if you totally blow it, I won’t completely panic. D. I make money?

I know the state of my finances… A. Always down to the penny. B. On payday. C. Once a year at tax time. D. When the collections agencies call.

SPENDING

I would describe my spending habits as… A. Impulsive. I can’t leave the checkout line without getting suckered into a pack of gum, and, if I really love some- thing, I get it in two colors. I live on the edge of my finances. B. Cautious. I’m good at stretching a dollar and saving one. I live below my finances. C. Reasonable. I spend money on quality not quantity and live well within my finances. D. Out of control and I want to change…last week I bought a monkey.

I want to be able to spend money… A. Whenever I want without having to check with you. B. When it’s important for the both of us. C. On things we need for everyday life at my own discretion but check with you on big-ticket items. D. To online shop like a motherfucker and hide my purchases from you, but please love me anyway.

For our first few newlywed years I would like to… A. Live large now and then rein it in before we have kids. B. Save for the future starting now and be responsible. C. Travel and vacation as much as possible before we are shackled to real responsibilities. D. Start our own zoo with that monkey I bought.

Where will we live? I would like to see us… A. Buying a home ASAP and becoming homeowners. B. Renting for the first few years until we can save up to buy. C. Living in one of the dwellings we currently are in. D. Staying with one of our parents to save money until it becomes awkward for everyone.

When I think of kids I see us… A. Having an allergic reaction to the thought of them. B. Wanting only one child because I loved being an only child. C. Having at least two because I hate “only children.” D. Shooting the moon with three or more because I like a full house and want to make sure there’s someone to look after us when you’re in adult diapers.

Religious matters… A. Not at all to me—religion is no biggie. B. To my parents so we’re going to have to pretend—I’m conveniently religious. C. Did I mention that I want you to convert? D. My religion is a huge part of my life and who I am, and that’s not going to change no matter how hot you are.

Religion and kids… A. Kids must be raised in the faith. B. Can they be disciples of Yeezus? C. If it’s important to you, I’ll pretend it’s important to me. D. I don’t want religion to play a role in the way we raise our kids.

Families (in-laws)… A. I’m marrying you, not your family, so keep them away from me. B. My mother is the most important person to ever draw breath, and I will always choose her over you (but I don’t want to have sex with her). C. Big families are what make the world go around; the more the merrier. D. I accept your family, warts and all because I love you…but we may end up drinking a lot. E. Do we have to let our families know we’re getting married?

Friends… A. Your friends are great, and they get along with my friends. No lines being drawn here. B. Here’s the thing…you could do better. I think you should spend more time with my friends. C. We each get to keep two, the rest are negotiable. D. There is going to be a massive editing of friends. Players are getting cut from both teams in a bloodbath.

Careers… A. We both have careers that are equally important. B. Whoever makes the most money is the priority career. C. I never said I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. D. Your band is a hobby, get a job. E. You knew this was my life when you married me, so don’t act surprised now.

Long-term goals… A. To have kids and send them to college, vacation from time to time, and retire with money to move to Hawaii to raise chickens and bees. B. To have no kids, travel whenever and wherever we want, and spend our lives together. C. To get you elected to the Senate. D. To find a way to be happy, no matter where life takes us, and be the envy of all our neighbors. E. To get a reality series where we look like idiots but can release our own clothing line.

When we combine our things, we’ll keep… A. All my stuff only. B. All your stuff only. C. A little of this, a little of that—start fresh combining some of our stuff but also adding new stuff we choose together. D. Just those pictures of you and your nana up at the lake. E. Don’t even think for a minute that your ________ is coming in this house.

DAILY LIFE

Who will do the household chores? A. We will split them 50/50 and make a kick-ass Raise the Roof/Clean the House playlist and blast it while we clean our love palace. B. Whoever loses the coin toss that week. C. The housekeeper that we will gladly pay cold hard cash to. D. I thought it was your turn. E. Where do we keep the washer and dryer?

How will food happen? A. I’ll do the grocery shopping, you do the cooking. B. We alternate grocery shopping and cooking depending on who has the time to do it. C. I will orchestrate a complex and detailed schedule of weekly runs to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and the Farmer’s Market and blow your mind with my wine pairings. D. I only know how to make takeout. E. I’ll trade sexual favors to not have to cook, grocery shop, or think of food.

I’d like to eat dinner… A. With you every night by 7 p.m. and talk about our respective days around the dinner table. B. With you every night no later than 8:30 p.m., time and place TBD. C. In front of the TV with my fingers while you’re still at work. D. With my friends at a restaurant, but I’ll bring you takeout. E. Every man for himself.

Sleep matters… A. I’m an early riser but will bring you coffee in bed. B. I’m a night owl and will make you stay up with me binge-watching Netflix because you love me…and I know your weak points. C. Cuddling is something they made up in the movies—don’t touch me while I sleep. D. I will hog the covers like a baller and leave you shivering in your pajamas. E. You’ll have to work around my dog because he was here before you were.

If I’m sick… A. Leave me the fuck alone. B. Treat me like I’m seven and bring me grilled cheese, tomato soup, and ginger ale in bed. C. Crawl into bed with me and get sick too so we can catch up on House of Cards. D. Acknowledge that it sucks and buy me a present before abandoning me to save yourself. E. I expect a stack of my favourite magazines and foods on my bedside table and for you to have queued up my favourite movies on the DVR.

AND FINALLY…

We should have a frank and open conversation about sex because… A. We are best friends and should never be afraid to share who we are with each other no matter how embarrassing it may be because I am your safe place. B. We are the only people we are supposed to have sex with for the rest of our lives. C. I need to know what to get you for your birthday. D. If we don’t it could lead to problems down the road that have a devastating effect on our marriage…and no one wants that. E. That shit is real.

The truth about me is that I like porn… A. More than you know. B. More than anyone you’ve ever met. C. Not at all. D. Occasionally when paired with the right wine. E. Less than I like extensive dental surgery.

If you’re into porn it will make me feel… A. Like you’re a healthy human being in touch with their sexuality. B. Like you’re a creep. C. Like you’ll expect our sex life to be off the charts and crazy all the time. D. Like I’m never going to be enough to satisfy you. E. Less than sexy, unless you at least share or explain why you like it so I can get a better grasp on it and you. And maybe we can try it together rather than you alone.

As far as our sex life goes… A. I’m game for anything, anytime, anywhere. B. I like to go the more traditional route—indoors mostly, no kink. C. 50 Shades of Grey is my bible. D. I’d like to have one. E. No animals watching. F. No animals.

My libido is directly proportional to… A. Our connection. B. Your hotness. C. Your paycheck. D. My security in the relationship. E. The testosterone that courses through my body.

[hownottofindaboyfriend-blog]

Date Seventeen. Chris. And Dan. And Steve.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young single woman in possession of a small fortune, expensive taste in shoes and even more expensive taste in London restaurants must be in want of a boyfriend. Sadly the truth remains that most other single women are also looking for the same thing, which makes the competition to find said boyfriend pretty intense and length of time it takes to find him pretty unbearable.

So you can imagine how it came to be that on one sunny afternoon, as I was lulled into a false sense of security by my chronic Friday hangover (thanks Nutella tequila shots, you bastards) I decided to take up my friends’ very strange offer and accompany her and her work mate on a Grouper date.  

For those who haven’t heard of this old school phenomenon, Grouper is a ‘date night out’ with a difference, in which not one, not two but three single females are matched on a first date with three equally single men. Sounds pretty awkward in theory and in reality it is even more so. One on one first dates are bad enough. Lump six miserable single people around a packed table on a Thursday night and it’s safe to say the only thing you’ll be exchanging are tales of cynicism and low grade sexual infections.

And how one might ask do you find two people, lonely enough and desperate enough to engage in this horrible six-some? The answer is by messaging everyone in your contact book and leaping on the first stupid person to give some semblance of a positive response (boy do I now regret adopting a ‘Yes, Man’ mantra to life this month.)

Still, having been promised several half price cocktails at a bar of my choosing as a reward for attending, it came to be that I found myself tucked up at a bar in Covent Garden one warm Thursday night after work, my friends Anna and Mel beside me, feeling absolutely terrified and wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into. To be fair we’d already had a few warm up beverages at the local pub before arrival so I was certainly feeling more chipper than I had been forty five minutes ago. 

Before our dates arrived, we rustled up a few contingency plans for how to handle the evening, on the off chance that all three of us ended up fancying the same guy. (Given our rather contrasting taste in boyfriends over the years, the chance of this happening felt rather unlikely although, as the Cub scouts say, it never hurts to be prepared.)

So we waited. And waited, darting our heads around at every half decent looking group of guys to enter the bar on the off chance that they happened to be our matches for the evening. Eventually our men arrived, ushered over to us by a rather bored looking waitress who clearly dealt with these sorts of situations all the time and didn’t like young people or any human beings at all for that matter.

We made our hello’s (*insert awkward hand shakes and mis-cheek kisses here) and sat down to drinks. Of the three guys I could see only one that stood out in terms of possessing any real physical niceties and clearly my friends had picked up on this too. (To my right I could see Anna re-postioning her top in an effort to show off more cleavage whilst Mel, who lacked cleavage, tousled her hair back and forth like a ‘My Little Pony’ character emerging from out of a rainbow.)

After the first round of drinks (we’d all unanimously decided that we’d be doing rounds, God help Monzo) the girls and I made a quick trip to the ladies room so that we could a) fix our makeup b) assess the situation (did anyone need an emergency getaway plan?) c) fix our makeup.

Once in the bathroom of course all talk turned to the boys. Did we fancy any of them, what did we think of their hands, of the three who smelt the best etc.  The words were out before I could stop myself. ‘I kind of fancy Chris,’ I said. 

I waited for the reaction, the semi-cat fight to ensue (of course they all fancied Chris!) but instead they looked at me and gaped. 

‘Chris?’ Anna said. ‘Bleugh! No! I think Steve is the best looking.’

‘You’re both mad,’ Mel said. ‘Dave is the only attractive one. By a mile.’

Well that settled it. We wouldn’t be gunning for the same guy after all.

After a few hours of the guys plying us generously with tequila shots we girls suggested a game of beer pong to take our new found, weird group friendship to the next level. After picking our teams rather carefully and ensuring that each girl was standing on the same side of the guy she fancied (we may be pissed as fuck, but we’re also strategic) the game ensued. I got chatting a little more to Chris, who it turned out wasn’t as good looking up close in the fluorescent lights where our beer pong table was positioned as he had been in the half darkness over by the bar. Still, he was a living, breathing, literate male who seemed to be showing some sense of an interest in me which, given my partially inebriated state, seemed more than enough to give my night a big thumbs up for effort.

After a couple of hours of beer pong the boys suggested a new venue, the Magdalen, about ten minutes down the road. So we gathered our things and headed over. By this point Anna and Steve were walking arm in arm and Dave and Mel were having some sort of half flirty/half academic conversation about the state of Libya and how NATO should tackle deficit claims. 

Chris on the other hand was becoming relatively touchy with me which, flattered as I was, posed something of an irritation, for at this stage in the evening I was hangry as hell and wanted nothing more than to be left alone to scoff a pepperoni pizza in private. I could smell chicken on the street, my stomach did a backflip and I asked Chris if he felt like splitting a Nando's with me as the others went ahead. 

‘Now?’ he looked at me incredulously, like the very notion of eating food at dinner time was some sort of cryptic phenomenon . I nodded vigorously, the thought of Peri Peri chicken overwhelming my senses, so much so that Chris himself was slowly beginning to resemble a plate of peri chicken. His hair wax like chicken marinade. His arms like wings. His thighs like, well, thighs...

I asked him again if he fancied a plate of chicken. ‘I have a Nando’s card,’ I added with enthusiasm (men do rate a Nando’s card) and rummaged in my wallet to show him that I did indeed possess one.

Chris laughed like this was the funniest thing he’d ever heard and I cringed inwardly. (What sort of sick bastard laughs at a Nando’s card?!)

Still, eventually he gave in and we headed over to the awaiting restaurant. Chris ordered a small, lemon and lime chicken Pitta (pussy) and I order a medium, half chicken with fries and Macho peas. We sat down to eat, inhaling our food within minutes and not speaking in the process which is just the way I like it. 

My mood bolstered and my stomach full, we headed to the pub to find the others. Unfortunately things appeared to have escalated quite dramatically since our departure: Dave and Mel were already getting off in a corner of the pub whilst Steve and Anna were necking Jaeger bombs at the bar with speed. I looked at Chris and he looked at me; our hearty chicken meals had sobered us enough to make us feel slightly out of place in this now hedonistic scenario. We stood in silence for several moments unsure of how to proceed. In an effort to break the ice, I tentatively asked Chris if he wanted to see the waterskiing squirrel meme I had downloaded on my phone, an offer he politely accepted. We went outside to the terrace and looked at memes for a quarter of an hour before going back inside to learnt that Mel and Dave had left the premises in an Uber LUX, courtesy of Dave, whilst Steve has gone outside to make a courtesy call to his girlfriend. This last piece of information came as quite a bit of a surprise. Surely Dave’s girlfriend would find issue with the fact that Dave was out on a Grouper date? What with Anna’s look of annoyance and Chris’s look of sheepishness I decided it was probably time to call it a night.

As those remaining made their goodbyes, Chris pulled me aside and asked me if I’d be keen to take his number to go out again. Whilst the world ‘keen’ felt like a bit of an overkill from my perspective, one can never have too many quiet friends to share a plate of Nando's chicken with. I nodded my head in agreement, secretly wishing that he’d forget to contact me.

As Anna and I walked to the tube I contemplated the success of our first Grouper night out, which seemed to consist of a dead cert one night stand and bar tab total of £200.

I got a message on my phone from a surname-less Chris seven days later along the lines of ‘Hello, do you fancy a bite to eat this week’ alongside an emoji of a roast chicken. After a good few minutes of brain racking and trying to remember who the the hell Chris was I found myself unsure of whether or not to  reply. Seven days is a long time in Dating Land, a time frame that positively screams ‘lack of interest’. Anything could have happened to me in this seven day window which would easily justify a lack of response. I could have dropped my phone, been run over by a train, been committed or sent to prison. I could have developed a nasty case of tonsiltis or lost both my hands in a motorbiking accident thus rendering me unable to reply to iMessages.  I don’t reply and hastily and guiltily delete Chris’s number, opting this time round (for the first time) to play dead.