#their hair is so nice and neils big baby blues. blows them a kiss | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alias-b · 5 years ago

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"Neil would have kept trying for you. And eventually, he would have taken pictures of my little girl." Susan welled. Her body gave an odd vibration with the thought. "I can't stop thinking about that fact. I won't for a long time." -Susan broke my heart in this chapter, I love that she's woken up to Neil's shit. Getting closer to Camille is a good thing!! Their last scene was sweet. The dream jarred me though. I keep thinking about what would happen if Cam went to Neil at his manipulation? Scary

I’m so happy that Susan’s growth is being spotlighted. Her heart to heart with Camille was a scene I walked away from so proud of. :) Billy and Camille both got good moments with her. And…your last question actually got me to pull something from my drafts. It’s an AU scene after the break up/Camille’s mental meltdown/her kissing Jim in a moment of illness and confusion.

Yes, there’s a chance she WOULD have gone to Neil in her state. She feels so unwanted at the moment and his manipulation was really getting to her. Awful or not, attachment happens even to people who are abusive. I actually wrote an AU scene where she skips school all the same and goes to him instead of Jim finding her first. It was more of an exploration to prepare for the Camille & Neil convos I had coming. I preferred what I did by a mile, but this helped me feel out Neil and Camille’s relationship and her turmoil and honestly I put a lot of my own isolating thoughts into it. I’m…terrified to post it and still going slow, but I figure if I get more terrible anons, I have double the support from good friends. Also figure it’s relevant to how I feel now so I’m sharing.

So here it is below, be warned it’s uncomfortable and leads to the Jim kiss and there is heavy, heavy gas-lighting and some sexual references from Neil’s bullshit mouth. The FOIL between Jim and Neil is so stark, I wanted to highlight it. It’s not rly edited, I just pulled it. Thanks all.

Open Wound

Camille swept snowy slush around her feet while a fresh coat fell. Dainty little flakes that stuck to dirty sleet as if to hide it away. Loch Nora was smaller than she recalled. Rollerskating up and down the street when the wind was warm and flowers in full bloom.

Edna snipping roses to pot some around the house interior. A smile and wave at her floating girl. Stuck close to make sure Camille was safe.

“Bullshit.” Smoke swelled out from red lips. A cigarette flicked toward the mass of frozen dirt that used to be the Harper house. She remembered Billy bleeding out in her lap and the fire that ate everything in sight. It was beautiful at the time. Now, she and Billy bled separately.

Kids around here say they can hear moaning and weeping from the plot at night. Camille felt like she was watching herself. Like she was a soul and no body. No skin, no muscle, no bones to rattle from the cold. It was all far away. Her car swerved along ice when she parked near Cherry Lane. More so in the forest.

Camille Harper was desired around town. Not wanted. That bleated. But, there was one soul who wanted to play.

Billy would be at school still. Susan at her morning shift in the perfume department. It was a roll of the dice. Camille felt her entire being stretch to wrap around the town. Around this Earth. Cold air puffed and snow began to crunch too loud for any sound to get in.

Neil knew why she’d come the moment he saw her shaken and wide-eyed there. Red and loud against pristine white snow. No innocence. He was wrapped in a winter coat. Ears prickling pink. Gloved hands swept snow from his truck with a plastic scraper.

“Camille Harper.” Neil pretended to be blasé about it. Brushing snow and ice with short swipes. Flecks melted on his front.

She seemed drunk. Half here.

“Do you see me?” That flitting tone shrunk. He hitched like he might laugh, lip twitching.

“Yes, Camille, I do see you.” Neil forced his eyes from her expression to the car. A beat. One hand clicked the passenger door open. She stared. He could have said a number of things about how she was trembling and frosting over. Better to come inside where it’s warm and sound. Camille lingered still at the opening and felt red lights blare.

“Don’t get into that car. Just come back to school.” Billy said behind her ears.

Billy didn’t want her anymore.

She crossed with ire. Climbed in. Neil stood there with one hand on the door while she looked ahead.

“It’s important,” he took his frosty glove off and reached to buckle her in, “that you’re safe.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hargrove.” Camille gave a dreamy sigh. Didn’t remark that his arm was still over her lap, palm resting on the seat.

“You’re very welcome, Camille.” He stepped back. “Neil is fine.” The door shut.

She didn’t hear the car start. Didn’t feel it move. Didn’t even process the music or heat turning on.

“You’re upset.” He noted. Threw a brick into the silence. Camille turned her head toward his profile when they took a left.

“Are you hurting him badly again? What did you do to him?” She rasped. “Billy. Do you want to hurt me too?”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Neil sat back in his seat. Shrugged like he might be thinking of what groceries to buy later.

“He’s different. Bad different,” she decided. “Worse different.”

“Listen, Camille, I’ve known. This whole thing between you two. I imagine you both learned a hard lesson from it. It’s for the best. Billy was never good with secrets. My boy was never good with much of anything. Pretty girls for one. And you’re the prettiest of them all.”

He made it sound like such an apology.

“Where are we going?” She asked finally. Tried not to choke.

“Moving here, I’ve gotten to know some fine people.” He said instead. “Everyone knows each other and do they love to talk.” Neil laughed. Hearty like a dad. Something vulgar about it. He touched his mustache in thought and came to a red light. “You’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine.” A quick reply. Sharp and airy at the same time. Camille stared through him. Not at him.

“I see you, Camille.” Neil set his elbow to the little pull down rest between them. One hand on the wheel. “You lost your parents. I lost mine when I was younger too. I did this, you know? Acted out. Tried to replace them. Learned I never would, but that didn’t stop me trying for awhile.” He parked on main street and cut the engine. Few shops still open from Starcourt taking business away.

“It’s okay, you know, to look.” He clicked his seat belt off, faced her. “You’re all shaken still. I make you that nervous? Do I not make you feel safe, Camille? You got into my car.”

And she couldn’t take that fact back. Another chill rushed.

“I’m upset.” She admitted, felt like for the first time. “I miss the way things used to be.” Neil tutted, caught a tear with his thumb and skimmed down her cheek. Edged the corner of her lips. “I miss my mom and dad.”

She sounded like a baby, face crinkling. Head tipped to the rest. Fingers clutched at his coat. Neil’s lips lifted as he shushed every little weepy sound. Patted hair.

“There there, you’re too pretty to cry like that.” Neil eased, tipped her chin up in a way that was encouraging. “You feel safe here. You got into the car with me. I can make it better. Ask me to make it better, Camille.”

She blinked at him. Really considered it because no one fucking wanted her except one red light that blared and readied to consume her. She felt Billy lick the shell of her ear and utter, mutilate. Syllables caught and Neil sighed when she slipped down, bowing her head as if to pray before him.

“Shame. Stay here.” Neil slipped away to get out.

“Wait,” a hand snatched his wrist on instinct. He was looking not at her face, but at the hand on his skin. “Where are you going?”

“Girls like hot chocolate, don’t they?” Neil smacked the door shut after locking his car. Looked around. Camille covered her face and quivered. Those red flares burned her flesh. She glanced outside and saw herself with Robbie. Too young. Him offering her an ice cream cone.

She took it. Smiled. Licked.

She should have just screamed.

She should have screamed now too.

Neil returned and offered a to-go cup that steamed. He didn’t buy any for himself.

“Take a moment and drink it.” Neil turned his car back on. Heat kicked up. Camille steadied her breathing enough to sip. It went down all chalky. Hair stuck to pink cheeks. “Police Chief can’t replace them, can he?” Hands smoothed his tie.

“Jim is nice to me.” Her back hunched like she was avoiding a crushing blow.

“Man has quite the reputation. Nothing that should be near such a nice girl.” Neil only shrugged, blue eyes lifting. “Unless, maybe, you’re not a nice girl. Painting your lips so he sees them. Dressing the way you do. Does he like to look at you?”

“I-”

“Do you like it when he looks?” Neil almost smirked, it flashed in his cold eyes. “You want him to pat your pretty head and kiss your cheek.” His palm cupped her face. The free hand took her cocoa away to set it aside. “Has he touched you?”

“What?” Camille reeled back. Neil’s hand came to her knee. Everything locked up.

“Have you shown him things? Hm, Camille? Taken your clothes off for him so he can see you too? Good girls don’t do that.”

“We-”

“You want a big man to kiss you all better. You want daddy to sweep you up. Make you feel good again. Don’t you, Camille? You just want to feel good again. I understand that too.”

She twisted, reaching for the handle when the lock came down.

“Camille, don’t make a scene,” came his chiding, “I think you’re being very unfair to me right now. We’re just talking. I’ve been nothing but kind to you. Aren’t you safe here? Am I going to hurt you?” Neil’s grip on her knee clamped down. She wanted to scream that he hurt Billy. His family. Scream that he was the dirty monster. “You got into this car all on your own. Face it, you asked for me. Say it.”

“It hurts.”

Camille didn’t know what exactly was hurting. Everything. Nothing. But, it was an open wound she kept picking at.

“There’s a place, you know.” Neil’s hand left her leg. The ability to function swept air into desperate lungs. “A place I could make you feel better. You wouldn’t have to do anything. Unless you wanted to. I’d take care of it. Don’t you want to be safe and secure again?” Wet clumpy lashes fluttered shut. “No, you stay right here.” Neil grasped her shoulder to shake. Eyes opened.

“I see it. I see you.” He sounded so nurturing. “I see what made my damn son so crazy. You do these things to men, you know?”

Neil laughed again. Camille felt him sucking the air from her. The pang of a jackal’s teeth sunk into her heart.

An answer was upon the tip of her tongue.

“Camille?” A muffled knock on the window. Neil’s play cut, he reeled from her quick. Detective Callahan looked less dopey staring there. He gestured for the window to roll down. Camille grew petrified.

“What’s going on here? The Chief got a call. You skipped school.” He peered behind her. “Neil Hargrove?”

“Afternoon, officer.” Neil’s smile dazzled. Camille stared at Callahan all paled and tearful. Never seen Phil this serious in all her time working at that station. “Ms. Harper was wandering the street. She’s a friend of my family. I worried. I was about to take her right back to school. Poor girl just went through a bad break-up. It’s my fault, I figured a nice cup of cocoa could solve anything.”

Camille felt Neil’s warning hand on her back. Knew Billy would pay a price later if she didn’t lie right now.

“Isn’t that right, Camille?” He chirped too cheerfully.

“That’s right. I’m feeling better now.” She turned to Neil. “Jim must be so worried about me. I want to get home to him. Right now.”

His brow twitched.

Neil hated her and those red lips.

“I got her from here,” Callahan didn’t thank Neil. Just took Camille’s hand and led her to his own vehicle. Neil stared the entire time. Waited until they drove off before he threw the cup outside with a spatter and sped away. “Camille.”

“Is Jim at home?” She cut.

He sighed.

“Yes, he’s not happy about this.”

“Oh.” Camille looked at the icy trees. Cracking against harsh winds.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. Fine. Tired.”

“Why did you skip school? This isn’t you.”

“Yes, Philip,” Camille sniffled and faced him with red eyes, “it is.”

They pulled up to the house. Camille felt fear flood.

“Go on, he’s waiting for you. Don’t skip school again, Cam.” Phil offered. Tried to be careful about it because she was breaking.

“Thanks for the ride,” Camille got out. Saw her car pulled up. Jim must have gotten a buddy to tow it over. The door opened and Jim crossed his arms there. Already aflame.

“Skipping? Leaving your car in-”

“I know.” Camille locked the door. Put her head down to go around him. “I just…needed to get away. All right?”

“No, it’s not all right. Do you have any idea how worried I was?” Jim’s tone lifted. “I need to know that you and El are safe at all times.”

“Well, we’re not.” Hands jabbed out and fell. “Can I go to my room now?”

“Callahan radioed that he saw you in Neil Hargrove’s car.” Jim grasped her arm. “What’s that about?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Camille, I know how that guy is. Just talk to me. Let me help you.”

You can’t.

“He didn’t force me into the car.”

Admitting that made her feel like trash. Jim saw her bottom lip wobble and let go. He rubbed his scruff and turned to sit at the head of the kitchen table. Covered his eyes when irritation twitched.

“You need to understand that you can’t run off like that. It’s not safe. It’s a risk. We don’t take risks. I know…what happened with Billy is hurting you. I can’t watch you-”

“Are you mad at me?” Camille crept to the table looking insecure. Hands pulled to her stomach.

“Yes, Camille, I’m actually furious with you.” Jim’s hand smacked down. Caused her to jump. “Running away from school when there are people after you, I thought the worst!”

“Don’t be mad at me, Jim, please.” She welled and came to his left side. “I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me.” Hands lifted. Heart pounding. Red lights scorched now. All she wanted to do was smother them out. “It hurts when you’re mad at me, let me make it better. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, don’t be upset.”

No one wants me.

I’m not a nice girl.

“Camille, it’ll be okay, just…don’t do this again.” Jim cocked his head with an easier sigh, lifted his eyes to see her too close to him. He opened his mouth to continue before bright red lips fell upon his.

Begging.

Tears wet Camille’s cheeks as she took his jaw and opened her mouth. Moaned. Tried to deepen the kiss instantly, but Jim muffled a gasp of shock. Jerked up and away so quick that the chair skidded to crash into the floor. Camille was still looking at him with her hands lifted aimlessly, huge hazel eyes shining.

“I…I thought…”

“Camille, Jesus Christ, what was that?” Jim wiped his mouth and saw red smeared on his hand. His own gut twisted. He looked like she slapped him. Guilt that maybe he led her on pooled. “You can’t do things like that.”

Camille burst into tears. Covered her face and crouched down on wobbling legs like she might collapse.

“I’m so stupid,” she cried. Jim recovered and came down to her level. Felt a cringe back into the wall the second he touched her.

“Hey, Camille. Just breathe for a second. Talk to me.” Jim was too good. The open wound bled out. He managed to get her into his warm arms.

His girl was confused. Trying to hurt herself. He knew the pattern well enough. Tears wet his uniform. Camille pressed her cheek into the cool metal badge still pinned to his chest. Felt his heart beat under it.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” it wasn’t often Jim used pet names, they made her soften, “you’re safe. I got you. Just take an easy breath for me.” Camille shuddered into his body. Clutched at him and lifted glimmering eyes.

“But,” Camille cringed through a sob, “can you see me, Jim?”

Am I real? Am I dirty? Are the red lights going to burn still?

Jim Hopper had no answer. He tucked her back under his chin. Kissed brown hair. Squeezed Camille so tight. Until she stopped crying and berating. Until she could breathe once more.

“You just…make me feel safe,” she said, “I’m sorry.” Jim nodded and rubbed her back. “Are you still mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad at you.” Hopper looked at the patterns in the wallpaper behind her. “You’re hurting. I just…can’t watch you hurt yourself more, Camille.”

“I’ll try to stop.”

“Promise me.” Jim’s own voice cracked.

“I promise.” She closed her eyes. Exhaled Neil Hargrove out of her skin.

For a single beat there, Camille Harper felt the wound might be able to close.

#billy hargrove #Camille Harper #neil hargrove #Jim hopper #blurb #mine #writing #ask #anon #reply #Billy hargrove x oc #susan mayfield

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