#their face doesn't really reflect them it's just a mask they put on to interact with humans

[0rb0t]

Don't mind me, just talking about Shadow as being on the autistic spectrum, and how his portrayal in the games and anime (before 2010s era) reflected this even if it was never outright stated.

(TIME FOR A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ABOUT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG)

    When I was in high school, I struggled a lot in social situations, I'd go completely stiff and just watch people. I had a "resting bitch face", I never really could have conversations and seemed to just fixate on things. I'd make observations that irritated people. I'd ask "why" a lot. (Asking why or even asking 'obvious' questions seemed to make people think I was questioning their judgment, or that I was challenging them. But no, I just didn't understand and wanted clarification. I still run into this a lot and I wish people would stop assuming I have ulterior motives. I just wanna understand stuff better cause it doesn't connect for me. Even if it seems obvious. I'm the genius that asked my mom why she was crying at her dad's funeral when I was 11. It's not that I didn't understand why Grandpa was gone, I knew he passed away, but it hadn't really landed for me, and my brain registered my mom's sadness before it registered the why.)

    I didn't like small talk (still don't) and would rather every interaction have a specific purpose. You'd never catch me at a party and I didn't think drinking or drugs looked fun or interesting. The act of rebelling didn't interest me either. The few interests I did have were something I'd always go back to, and I couldn't function without them. (For me, drawing has always been a huge part of my life and if I didn't have a pencil or pen and paper, then I couldn't hear. I know, very weird. If I were doodling or just even had my sketchbook open, I could study a lot easier. In High school, my teachers started telling me to put the sketchbook away, and my grades plummeted because my attention did, too. Trying to tell them just kind of led to the same old "well everyone else can't doodle so you can't either". I wasn't in any of the special ed stuff because I guess I masked too well.)

    Sonic 06 and Sonic X have the same characterization for Shadow, especially in Japanese, and I think that's honestly the best he'd ever been-- he's quiet, he's reserved, he observes and he doesn't like to "waste time". Not because he's edgy, not because he's a jerk or too serious, but because he struggles in social situations and he's more introverted. He doesn't want to be the centre of attention, he doesn't enjoy any of that. Shadow also behaves like an adult, and I'm sure a ton of us on the spectrum have heard that before, that we're very mature for our age. In reality, we can't relate with our peers and have very fixated interests that don't really expand to other things. Limited interests and we just wanna do stuff tied to that. We know so much about that one thing or those things, but those things won't get you ahead in school. Unless you're LUCKY and your fixation is math, oy vey! (My fixation was etymology. I loved learning and knowing where words came from. Useful for 2 seconds in English class, quickly loses its usefulness in a skill-oriented world.)

    I don't even think he's naturally boastful, at least he wasn't since SA2 (when he was an antagonist), but Sonic brings out a competitive side in him. Sonic brings out the childhood-self that he lost to trauma and being sealed away. Shadow never got to be a normal kid/adult. He has always had expectations placed on him. I think Sonic really brings out a side of him that even surprises himself. It's why he will even say very often "What am I doing?" or "This is such a waste of time!" but he won't STOP… Because he's having fun and doesn't know how to describe his own feelings. Shadow's the type who'll say "I'm fine" no matter what state he's in when you ask if he's okay. My spouse is like this actually-- I can often tell when he's feeling down, but he doesn't know how to describe emotions beyond functional things like "i'm healthy" or "i'm unhealthy", so he'll say he's fine even if he's having a melancholy day. I struggle with understanding my emotional responses, but not necessarily identifying them. A lot of people on the spectrum do struggle with identifying their emotions beyond empirical things. "Do I feel sick? No? then I'm fine" Shadow is exactly like this. And because his expression is so neutral, sometimes intense, he gets mistaken as being angry or too serious. In reality, he's just standing there. He's not gonna expend energy smiling when he's got nothing to smile about. Why force yourself to emote for people? Especially if it feels unnatural.

    Another thing about Shadow being autistic is if he's got nothing to say, then he won't say it. If he wants to leave, he'll leave. Good luck stopping him! But for many actual people it's not an option to leave. We can't just teleport out or skate at lightning speeds like he can, so we have to just sit there and do little coping or self soothing methods to keep ourselves in the moment and calm. We don't often see Shadow stimming in traditionally understood ways, like lip biting or rubbing his arms or fidgeting with his fingers-- but he often stands with his arms crossed. This CAN BE a stim. Feeling the weight of your arms on top of each other, it allows for you to be aware of your own body. I fold my arms a lot in public, because I'm usually playing with the hem of my sleeves, or I'm rubbing my arms or squeezing them. Shadow doesn't seem to do any of that but he's rarely seen without his arms folded.

    When his arms aren't folded, he stands so still and just stares at people. He looks completely out of his element. He doesn't seem to have a relaxed stance--until the anime, where he's shown standing with his hand on his hip. Rouge also does this, leading to the popular headcanons that Shadow is unintentionally imitating Rouge-- his masking leads him to identify the most 'normal' person in the room and copy their behavior in order to blend in better. Unfortunately it rarely, in my experience, leads to people NOT thinking I'm weird. Sometimes I'll even start imitating speech patterns or accents and BOY. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it HAPPENS. So embarrassing. But Shadow absolutely imitates everyone around him. We can see him do this even as far back as Sonic Heroes--that scene where he's nodding or shaking his head to whatever Rouge is saying. The scene where Sonic starts getting competitive and Shadow starts kind of imitating his posture and his way of speaking to become competitive with them-- I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. But it also makes sense with his NAME.

    His name is Shadow. I think of Peter Pan, where Peter's Shadow can sometimes get away from him. Usually it does everything he does, but sometimes it gets away and does its own things, and Peter has to catch it. Wendy sews the shadow back on in Hook. I think Shadow's name is referencing that as well, that just like a shadow, he mimics those around him. He's watching over them, but also copying them. Learning to blend in.

    Another moment I adore is in SA2 (and Sonic X) when Amy Rose hugs him from behind. According to the 2010s era and early IDW, you'd have expected Shadow to push her away or yell DONT TOUCH ME or whatever. But no, he actually just goes REALLY RIGID and doesn't even say anything. It isn't until Amy realizes her mistake that Shadow turns around to look at her, smiling like 'What are you doing???' But in Sonic X, they changed this scene further into autistic territory--

    Shadow doesn't even TURN to her. He goes rigid, yes, and his eyes widen and he just stands there looking towards the audience like 8| He's completely OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. He prepared for the mission, NOT to deal with random people HUGGING HIM. He's probably not been hugged since Maria over 50 years ago. We don't even know if Maria hugged him much because Shadow has always seemed pretty touch-averse. I love GIVING hugs and I love receiving hugs but only from people I'm REALLY close to. I don't even like getting hugs from extended family. My spouse? VERY touch averse. He'll get hugs from me but hugging and touch are just not his thing. Shadow is not a huggy person, but he does tend to hold hands.

    We know he grabbed and held Maria's hand, running with her-- but we never actually saw that until Sonic X (2003) he can be seen running with her away from the military, and he's holding her hand as he leads her. In Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria often grabs Shadow's hand when telling him things. This is also a grounding method to bring the person into the moment. For me, I feel like I can focus better on what my spouse is saying to me when he holds my hand and it's crowded or busy. Even in our home, if he wants to tell me something, I recommend that he hold my hand or touch my arm so I can focus on him better. This happens with Shadow.

    Sonic doesn't tend to hold peoples' hands. In Sonic X he usually just picks people up, but we do see him grab Elise's arm in 06 and run with her. But holding hands? Not really his thing! Shadow does do it more often though. In Sonic X S3, in the episode, Molly's Dream, Shadow's immediate way of leading Molly away from danger is to grab and hold her hand. He even keeps holding her hand until she lets go. It speaks to me the sort of childlike behavior he may still be exhibiting, but not that I'm trying to say that autistic people are more like children. From my experience on the spectrum, I am more childish than my peers. I still react like a kid might to things, and I don't really think like an adult is expected to. I am mentally behind my peers as well, I think my emotional maturity is lower? But it's hard to measure that without a doctor. It's not just about laughing at fart jokes or knowing to pay bills, it's like, how I problem solve is more creatively aligned with kids than it is adults. This is both great and terrible, depending on the situation. A situation that requires math and stuff cannot be solved my way. A situation that involves encouraging kids to try again or be nice to each other, well it's very useful because I can communicate with them on their level (I was a teacher in South Korea for over half a decade, my brain was great for being a teacher but not great for other things).

    I think Shadow really gets misread as a mean guy a lot, but he really isn't. I also don't really enjoy the headcanons that imagine him as very outgoing and whimsical when he was on the ARK, and I especially don't like headcanons that infantilize him-- I really don't like headcanons where people infantilize autistic people. We've seen Shadow when he loses his memories a few times. In Heroes, but also in S3 of Sonic X-- his personality is still the same. He's still reserved, he's still quiet, he still struggles in social situations and prefers getting to the point rather than dilly-dallying. I'd argue that he was exactly like that before the incident on the ARK, too. It's just that the incident caused his inner peace to be destroyed. His precious person, Maria, was no longer around and he lost everything all at once. He doubled down on the one thing that made sense: Revenge. But even after all of that was sorted out, he's not gonna just magically be a different person. He's still reserved, he's still serious, he's still "get to the point". If he played FFXIV, he'd only focus on main quests, and never do side quests. He'd never spend money on cosmetics, probably. He's likely a person who values gameplay over story. If the game is broken or the mechanics aren't utilized well, that's probably more what he'd be fixated on than whether the story was good or not. He'd skip through dialogue because he reads fast, even if the dialogue is voiced (my spouse does this and it drives me nuts. SHADOW I BEG OF YOU PLEASE DO IT FOR ME, DISABLE THE VOICE ACTING IN OPTIONS SO I STOP HEARING THE FIRST UTTERANCE OF A WORD EVERY TIME U MASH THROUGH THE DIALOGUE)

    Trauma affects people in all kinds of ways. I don't think all autistic people are like Shadow, because autism is a spectrum and no two people present exactly the same, although there will be similarities. Shadow's trauma happened at a time where he barely knew himself already, so that's why it was so easy for him to fixate on revenge, and then he'd be content with dying afterwards because he figured he had nothing left to live for. Finding out he was wrong was the best thing that could have happened to him.

    I was really saddened when SEGA decided he was an edgelord who hated everything and had no friends because that's such a horrible read of this nuanced character. In my personal headcanons for Shadow, he's actually very into plants and flowers, because Maria loved the planet so much. And eventually he learns to love the planet because of nature. Shadow's never going to be a people person, in fact he probably still doesn't care much for people as a whole, but that doesn't mean he won't step up when they need his help. Which is why his line in Sonic 06 is still so poignant. "If the world chooses to become my enemy, then I'll fight like I always have." Basically, it really doesn't matter, I've made my choice, I know who I am now and I get to make those decisions. No one else will shake the foundations of who I am.

    And because he knows who he is, he doesn't feel the need to repeat it and boast about himself. He's confident, not arrogant. He can be smug and competitive, but that's playfulness, not cruelty. He's quiet and may just straight up walk away while someone is mid-sentence, but that's not because he's evil or intentionally being a jerk-- it's just how he is. He needs to work on it if he wants to have friends, but his friends already understand him very well. They know that he's like that, and from what we saw in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, occasionally they forget it's not personal. I'm happy to see them admitting "oh no, I completely misjudged you, I'm so sorry!" because it's been way too long since we've heard the main cast apologize to Shadow for assuming he was a big jerk on purpose.

    Knowing the restrictions on how Shadow is written have been lifted, I'm really hoping we can get more of how he's meant to be, the reserved, socially awkward but well-meaning hedgehog we love. Autistic Shadow FTW!

    

(our experiences and headcanons

may differ, that's okay.)

[possessionisamyth]

RE6 was a shitshow, but I enjoyed Ada's route, and I'm only now realizing at almost 5AM what that means for her going into RE9.

Ada Wong is dead.

For those who don't know because they've only seen/played the remakes, Ada Wong was never this woman's real name. It was an alias she put on as early as the 1998 Raccoon City assignment/incident. We see in an end game panel of the original RE3 an image of her standing in front of a mirror hugging herself saying the woman she used to be is gone now and that she died in Raccoon City.

I use this panel for my interpretation of her that she decided going forward to wear the persona she crafted as Ada Wong like a coat. It's her shield against the world and it's horrors as she helps perpetuate them by continuing her mercenary and spywork underneath the alias.

Ada Wong is untouchable. She doesn't get attached. She plays things fast and loose, and people are only allowed as close as she wants them to be which is not very. You only ever hear about Ada Wong. You only get this surface level understanding of who she is because that's all the alias is. A coat. You see how red the fabric is, but you don't know the year it's made, the fabric it's made of, or how well it keeps out the cold. All you can see is the style and color and nothing else. Not even a dip into it's pockets.

Ada Wong wasn't in Degeneration to see the harm caused by the G-Virus. She wasn't in RE5 to deal with the plaga she helped get out. In fact, the first time we see her deal with the consequence of that action is 5 years later in Damnation where her interaction with the bioweapons is still extremely minimal. The second time we see her deal with these consequences is the aftermath of Simmons getting a little too attached to who Ada Wong is supposed to be in RE6.

Carla keeps saying she's Ada Wong, and she's right. Ada Wong is mysterious and untouchable. She doesn't get attached. She plays things fast and loose, and people are only allowed as close as she wants them to be which Simmons adjusted for his own personal desires. Most importantly, Ada Wong kills indiscriminately with her actions to achieve her goals. We see how she keeps letting these viruses get into the hands of the worst people for a paycheck. Chris' team being killed by Carla is the close up. It's taking the mask off. It's removing the distance the audience gives Ada when she finishes these jobs and putting us where we should be. Angry. Confused. Horrified.

And it worked because everyone was pissed and calling it character assassination, but it wasn't. People just weren't prepared to see it happen to Chris Redfield, but the truth was Chris' team members were just people like all the other victims of bioweapons our Ada helped get out there. They weren't an exception.

Carla is Ada Wong, and our Ada has to face the reflection of the mask she's been wearing like a second skin for over a decade. I've commented in an earlier post that I thought it was strange to rope our Ada into this sort of vigilante role where she saves Sherry and looks out for others a tiny bit while moving forward in the story. However, it's not strange. Her whole route is probably the closest glimpse we see into who she really is separated from Leon. It's familiar, but different because we're still not getting answers, but we're seeing how she acts independently when fighting for herself. And at the end of it all Ada Wong dies.

Carla is shot and falls from that deadly height wherein it's reported to everyone that Ada Wong is dead. When Carla mutates inside that boat with mockery and sureness sprouting from her loud mouth about who Ada Wong is, our Ada kills her. She destroys the mask that's become so ugly and horrific from all these years of turning a blind eye to her own actions and to herself.

She kills Simmons, the person who made the mirror, and she destroys the vestiges of whatever it is Carla made in that lab while wearing the face and persona of Ada Wong. This is our Ada being forced to clean up the mess she made even if it wasn't her pulling all the strings, because it was a facet of her. An idea of her. Her idea of her that she crafted back in fucking 1998 and could never separate herself from. Until now. And it's angry and cathartic and left to blaze into ash until she's finally able to step away from it all.

This doesn't erase anything she's done. It never will, but she doesn't have to be Ada Wong anymore because Ada Wong Is Dead.

I just desperately need her in RE9. I need someone to call out to her. I want them to call her Ada and for her to reply "That's not my name. It never was." And because Capcom still won't separate the two, I think it'd be interesting for that tidbit to get to Leon. I want that line to hit him like a train. I want Ada's delivery to tell him, "You never knew me. You never even tried to find out."

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

hi hello pran autism anon here again!! i just watched ep 4 again and i noticed at the scene when pat comes to give pran his earphones, and lets himself in, pran repeatedly expresses his distaste at the fact for two reasons. yes, he doesn’t want pat infringing on his privacy or messing up his meticulously arranged living space. but it's the other reason that intrigues me when looking at pran through an autistic lens. he repeats that pat entered without being let in. he's very bothered not only by pat's actions, but also the fact that pat is breaking a social norm. as an autistic person, i find that i tend to feel uncomfortable when i see other people not follow social norms, which i feel is because i've had to consciously learn these and remind myself to follow them for years. i feel like pran is having a similar internal experience here, where he's seeing pat do something that isn't considered 'socially acceptable', which bothers him because he has a script in his head that he's built up over the years, and this doesn't follow the script that he uses to dictate what is and isn't okay to do, what does and doesn't get him acceptance from his peers etc. he then comments that pat 'has no manners'. i think this is a pretty common thing that many autistic people have experienced, being told we have no manners because we unconsciously broke an unwritten social rule we never learnt about. pran, in my opinion, can't help but project the rules he's learnt to help himself fit in and mask onto other people. it might be a very small detail to focus on, but it's something that really got me thinking.

thank you for reading my rant about literally three lines of dialogue!! hope you have a great day!!!

I love you anon.

I know you didn't technically ASK me to rant about Pran's relationship w his room but I have too much to say and I hope you're okay w that.

So

Pran and his room: from the lens of autism

1. As someone with autism, social rules and norms that we agree with are set in stone. So your analysis about Pat breaking a social rule makes a lot of sense. Especially when you see the other interactions at the food stall and music shop (you're not supposed to sniff people????????????)

2. It's also likely that he's very transparently present in his room. For people with autism, our rooms are our safe spaces and worst nightmares because they reflect so much of who we are. If they are messy, It's our mess. If it's organized, It's customised to our space. Rooms, dorms and other living spaces are basically a self portrait.

Which is why when Pat dares enter and sneak a peak at his barest self, lit with fairy lights and faces telling him how to smile, rituals along every curve and table, he feels scared. What if Pat notices his smilies and thinks he's still a child (he should have overcome the hyperfixation by now? Will Pat understand?) What if Pat notices his coffee stained couch and calls Pran on being an imposter who only pretends to get angry at messy stains. There's so many ways Pat could see behind his carefully constructed masks.

His apprehension from pat entering could be from not letting Pat see him.

And that's also why he holds the social norm of asking before entering so close to his daily functioning; revels in the safety of enforcing this rule rigidly.

[I sometimes liken this to the idea of a nest in the omegaverse where it's extremely personal and reflective of the person making it. I also love the omega verse so much because it takes a lot of neurodivergent traits and makes them seem normal and that's just another post altogether]

3. When Pat and Pran finally get their shit together Pran let's Pat change his room and make the space theirs. It's the biggest declaration of love if I've ever seen one. He let's Pat put up photos and shares his bed and doubles the Pillows and makes space for Nong Nao. All because he's ready to allow Pat in his space. Across the rituals. Inside his safety.

4. The fact that the most crucial of the moments (The Kiss, The Bet, The Ming) happen away from the safety of his room goes along with this and his canon OCD.

If you're living with OCD, safe spaces can turn into compulsions at the sight of threat. And the fact that he was so adamant on keeping the relationship behind closed doors felt a lot like stemming not just from his anxiety about his parents but also his imposter syndrome: It's a glitch in the matrix that Pat likes me back and we should not test the matrix lest it remind Pat I'm an annoyance that he rather not deal with.

If you have autism, the safety of your room provides familiar and clear cues that could be helpful if an emergency is to arrive (I could just start talking about the rotting food if conversations get tougher// I could go to my own washroom and pretend to take my time if I feel overwhelmed). These safety nets are not present Outside.

And it is through his autism that Pran shows his love to Pat.

He let's Pat break his rules constantly. Not because they don't cause him discomfort. They still do. But his love for Pat is just greater than that.

He will let Pat drag him outside. Let Pat post photos of him. Let Pat make a mess on his kitchen table. Go with Pat to an unknown room.

As Anon said, these rules and norms and safe spaces are all in place because of being reprimanded for being neurodivergent by the neurotypical system builders. They are precautions to avoid being hurt or being called out on the fact that they don't belong.

But Pran doesn't feel hurt in Pat's presence. Because regardless of if they are friends or enemies, they've always belonged together.

[pitchiners]

i’m working on a bio / stats page, but one idea that i have an am trying to get across in my icons is pitch being more liquid than solid & not just in the sense that they can morph their body, but that their body & face is constantly moving - it’s not solid. 

[writing-good-vibes]

get a load of this monster

you thought i turned a page and abandoned sinclair twins angst? think again. this is a million percent dedicated to @early20sfailingplenty who dropped this bombshell ask on me agesss ago and it has lived rent free in my brain ever since. warning for angst (but you knew that already, right?) edit: part two can be found here.

He'd never been this angry with Bo.

Not in their whole lives had he felt as angry as he did right now. He was close to saying he hated Bo, but they both knew he wouldn't. They never said that, they could barely even conceive of the idea of hatred between them.

Either way, Vincent was angry, and when he was angry, he didn't want to be around anyone or anything for a long, long time.

There was one easy solution to this. The mask went back on. He rarely wore it in the house, only if they were in the middle of a hunt. But now, even as he sat sullenly in his workshop, he glanced over at it, propped up against an old coffee can full of paint brushes and half-chewed pencils.

Putting the mask on took a weight from his shoulders, took away the horrible, terrible pressure of interacting and making connections and socialising. None of that, instead he just had the warm familiarity of his own breath.

He doesn't see Bo for a few hours, waiting it out until he figured Lester, who had done a terrible job of mediating, must have left. He's hungry enough that he'll risk creeping back upstairs to forage the kitchen.

Bo is slouched on the sofa watching TV, the carton of OJ held between his knees.

He looks around when Vincent walks through, tracking him with his gaze to the kitchen before standing up himself and following his twin.

Bo doesn't outright say anything about the mask, not yet anyway. A sideways glance is enough for now as they skirt around each other, both of them still too annoyed to make a proper dinner so they settle for lunchmeat sandwiches and bags of chips. Vincent goes back to the basement. That, at least, isn't unusual if they'd had an argument.

*

He doesn't resurface until late the next day.

The mask is still on when Bo finds him, watching the news whilst dinner cooks slowly on the stove.

This time Bo scowls, "You don't have to wear that - that thing - around me, y'know."

Vincent doesn't respond, and changes the channel over.

"Fine," Bo huffs, "what do I care if you're being moody?" But he sits beside Vincent anyway, chancing several sideways glances at him but knowing, deep down, that Vincent's resolve, especially in times like these, was as strong as nails.

*

The next day is no better.

"Quit it, Vince," Bo says, clutching onto Vincent's elbow as he tries to shoulder past him to get out of the kitchen.

Vincent looks down once at where Bo's hand is before shrugging him off.

"What do you want from me, Vince? C'mon, stop fucking with me."

Vincent doesn't reply. He's always been the best at holding a grudge.

"Vince, please." Bo's sounding desperate now.

Bo has seen Vincent's face everyday since they were kids, even with their parent's insistence on the mask. Seeing it only half-reflected in the mirror isn't enough. He and Vincent are very rarely apart, and the mask is a wall between them that neither of them like to talk about.

*

It's three in the morning and Bo is crying.

He tries not to, he really does. Tries to hold it all in until he just can't anymore. Until the damn breaks and there's a steady stream of tears wetting his cheeks.

He doesn't even care about the argument anymore, it's long since left his memory and the new, far more brutal effects of Vincent's anger have hurt him more than any scathing insults could.

Bo tries to keep his breaths even as he stumbles out of bed and creeps along the hallway and down the stairs. He can't stay in his room. He heard Vincent go to bed surprisingly early that night and he did not want the embarrassment of his twin hearing his stupid, pathetic crying through the wall that separates their rooms.

Instead, he finds himself in the study. Their daddy's study. Bo doesn't often go in there, it's too full of reminders --

(Photographs that glare down at him from the walls, with that disapproving gaze that he was never able to shake)

-- Reminders that he's thrown in there and locked the door behind.

His breath is still gasping and wet with tears. Bo sits down in the corner, curled against the wall, when he finally lets out a sob that surprises even him.

Bo wails, truly wails and, all of a sudden, he can't control himself, he's almost laughing with how hard he's crying. And he can't stop.

Vincent doesn't come down straight away. Although he heard him leave his room, he doesn't follow him. No, he gives Bo time, god knows he needs it, and instead he waits until he thinks the worst has passed.

Then, he follows his twins creeping path through their big old house and finds him in the study. Their daddy's study. Vincent comes through here often, the he doesn't look around --

(His old masks, taken from Bo's face, line the walls like poaching trophies)

-- Doesn't like to see the reminders of everything that once was and no longer is.

Vincent is still wearing the mask when he pokes his head around the door.

Bo is in the corner, red faced and chest heaving. Bo is a mess.

Vincent approaches, crossing the room slowly in the dark, but his twin turns away bashfully, trying and failing to come across as something even close to stoic by wiping desperately at his face and pretending to ignore Vince coming toward him, but it does nothing to hide the state he is in.

Flicking the desk lamp on, Vincent goes to Bo's side and slides down the wall to sit beside him.

Any sense of composure Bo had goes out of the window when, after days of detachment, Vincent finally takes his mask back off. He leans across to put the mask on the dresser behind the desk before sitting back again.

Bo's lip is wobbling as tears threaten to spill again and seeing it, Vincent thinks, will hurt even more than hearing it. It always does. Vincent pulls Bo to him, hugging him tightly.

"I didn't mean what I said," Bo mutters. He doesn't even really remember what he says, but he'll never say it again if it means Vincent won't torture him like this again.

Pushing Bo back a little so he could see his hands, "I know. I'm sorry too."

Time passes them by and they sit there, together, on the cold, harsh floor. They talk for hours, words and hands slow, until Bo falls asleep. Vincent isn't far behind, and he presses his face against Bo's hair.

Above them, watching from behind dusty glass, is the man who made them like this.

[scarletserena]

the 1 - [Corpse Husband x Reader]

By: @scarletserena

summary: " you are his ex, now. looking back you should have known from the start. you really think it would have been fun if you would have been it for him too. "

Warning: Heart break, bitterness, letting go is hard but needed, reminiscence of what doesn't come back, they don't end up together on this, this is fiction and DOES NOT depicts how Corpse Husband is.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

To be in love with the idea of love.

What a blessing to be alive.

What a curse to have feelings.

What a look we had when we first saw each other.

I was in awe. Your face was covered but your eyes cricked on the corners as you smiled politely when we first met.

Was I so naive at the time that I just didn’t notice the strain it took on you to be that calm and collected in a space, where I later learned that distressed you, or was I just ignorant?

How do you perceive me now?

But how did you perceive me then?

Do you despise me, Corpse? Did you see red flags when I offered you a smile alongside your coffee order?

I still remember it being a mild coffee compared to the orders from the other patrons in the café. Does it mean that it was just your preferences or was it because you wanted, without giving much thought to, preserve your voice?

The unconscious things we do daily, right?

I gather my bearings one more time and I feel myself stranded.

I’m still a barista at the same café.

I still smile politely to this day at every client, hoping it has a good reflection through my eyes but I am definitely grateful to be wearing a mask and having no one notice how different and small my lips stretching are now.

Your hair was soft under my fingertips and I enjoyed a lot coursing through the locks and untangling the knots in your curls.

The way your eyes closed, relaxed, was a given I didn’t wanna face myself without but, on the day I found that I didn’t have it anymore I got to see my being on a new level of scrutiny that I couldn’t understand why.

I figured it out later.

I wasn’t only mine, anymore.

I wasn’t yours either but because you wouldn’t have me.

I fucking missed you and when I called you on the phone and a she picked up I pulled myself apart and untangled myself of the things I could, that still reminded me of you — I deleted your number right away.

But looking back, I could never let go of something that everyone thought they had heard the intricacies of but I always knew that when you were with me it had a tingle and timbre only mine and that was what I held myself onto.

For the hope that it wouldn’t just be a memory and a recording in my phone but become a phone call once again and a calling at my doorstep that announced you so close and trusting to me.

I couldn’t bring you to me one more time and, despite myself, I couldn’t let go of the recordings nor my subscription on your channel.

Dumbly, I sent, for a short while, some messages on the so-called superchat. They were inoffensive enough if not for being stamped with my name on them and that, that tainted it and you always ignored them until I stopped.

You never called nor did you show in some way that I still mattered in some important sense to you.

That might just be what did it at the time, but seeing and hearing you interact with her through lives, months later, definitely did the deed.

I remember how it all felt back then.

If only you knew (but you don’t’)

How badly I wanted to question:

How do your eyes shine when you look at her?

The smell of rain still calmed me then.

Perhaps just a consequence of your admiration towards it and the comfort it provided you in the toughest times, which I knew were more common than the precipitation around your house.

I keep looking back and I can’t help but toy with the thought that you really do not have the time if someone isn’t right beside you — and right after letting myself think like that I feel guilty because, liking it or not, for the worse of for the better, I knew you and I know of your struggles and minimize them for me to feel less responsible in the fiasco that we both were in each other lives is more selfish than I should allow myself to feel over something we both were at fault.

I can feel the connection you have with her and I didn’t even bother going to her channel to check what I knew would be so clear to everyone who was a little bit in the intimate part of you.

I had no doubts in my mind that just as her smile should cover her entire face in happiness you would do everything to keep her voice free of worries and her path with no bothersome obstacles — because that's how you are to the ones you really care for.

I was once one of them.

I wouldn’t put it past you in any moment going to her as soon as she felt comfortable with you just as I never put it behind you to get your hand drowning in red when you thought needed.

I always had this fear that you would meet someone great(er) on the internet and that this person would swap you off your feet but, I hadn’t considered that we wouldn’t be a we anymore on the so near future and my daily dose of you just wouldn’t be mine no more — but hers — and, above it all, different.

I knew your voice and I knew your hands and I knew your small smiles but she knew hugs that must have the feeling of a home, sweet and warm and that belongs, and laughs that course free through the screen of my laptop when she enters a discord call unannounced and much more that was never mine — to see, to touch, to keep — while I once knew stiffness and the fear of trying to hold something not made nor meant to be on hands as weak as mine.

We were something, don’t you think so? But as the saying goes: once you fuck me over, no do-overs, we don’t play.

——————————————————————————————————

Hello there! Did you enjoy it? Let me know down below, please, I will love to hear about what you thought of it and if there was anything I could have done better <3

I really wanted to write something like that, even if it's really short, because all the — amazing — stories I have seen around here of Corpse is of them getting together but never of a perspective of a relationship that really went downhill.

Again, this piece of work DO NOT depicts how Corpse is or how any of his exes might be or something like this, it's only fiction, okay?

If you would like to send me an ask so I can write your idea for you, please, send it! You just have to click on 'Talk The Talk Serena' on my tumblr! I only ask of you not to send anything NSFW, because I won't be writing it.

It was a pleasure to have you here! Thank you so much for reading!

My writing works will be under the tag #writerserena

[kellachfromthewoods]

LFRP: Kellach Woods

(turns out I never did one of these)

Character Name: Kellach Woods

The Basics ––– –

Age: Perpetually in a state of being mid 20s

Birthday: 12th Sun of the 3rd Astral Moon (May 12th)

Race: Midlander Hyur. Often confused for a Highlander hyur.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Pansexual, even if it doesn't look it.

Marital Status: Married to one Eamont Desormeaux

Alignment: Oscillates between Chaotic Good and True Neutral, depending on the needs of his found family.

Elemental Affinity: Umbral Earth

What I’m Looking For ––– –

Adventure, IC dungeons or just exploring ruins in the open world! There's plenty out there!

Fellow Blue Mages who aren't all about the theatrics of the Celestrium

Chocobo handlers

People who just have weird stuff happen to them (to commisserate)

Dressing up for no reason at all

What I’m Not Looking For ––– –

Shit heads

IC villains. It's more a realistic outcome issue where both parties would finish the other off early in the story since Kellach does not fuck around and likely neither does your villain.

Isekai'd characters from realms unrelated to FFXIV - I'm only putting this here because it's happened a few times and well, nobody was having fun. Even assuming I liked the premise (I don't), I probably do not know whatever realm your character came from even OOC, and probably won't be able to give you the interactions you want.

Other OOC Notes ––– –

So, hey there. I play Kell in the critically acclaimed massively multiplayer online role-playing game Final Fantasy XIV. While Kellach can sometimes be a lil sourpuss, he's very excitable when it comes to Actually Doing Things. Of course, if you just want to discuss blue magic, his, uh, unique sense of fashion, or just good ol' fightin' with weapons or not, he's also available.

Now I'm on Discord all the time practically, but personally I like to not mix things. I'll post IC stuff here but RP involving me and my characters' an inside the game thing. Planning or throwing ideas around? We can do that anywhere though!

You can keep readin' by clickin' on the thing.

Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: Black with differently colored highlights, though lately they have been settling on blue. Typically wears his hair in the Gyr Abanian Plait style, or the side ponytail.

Eyes: Golden.

Height: 5 fulms 7.1 ilms

Build: Demonstrably muscular. Often claimed to be too thicc for a Midlander.

Distinguishing Marks: While often hidden behind a mask, a facial scar that goes from the right forehead diagonally down to the left cheek, passing by the nose.

Common Accessories: Masks, and typically partial ones that still show his face. From an ancient Allagan design to a Blue Mage's domino mask, Kellach has several of these for many occasions and outfits. Outside of those, he often carries what he has taken to call the adventurer's emergency kit, a belt pouch containing potions and several ailment erasing items just in case problems arise. He's also prone to wearing single-earrings and makeup to deepen the looks of the masks' insides and, well, make his lips look more luscious, even if he's married.

Usual Attire: It really depends - Typically, his attire will lack pants, preferring subligars and shorts to things that cover the legs. If he wears pants, they'll be particularly low-cut, as the example above. His attire typically reflects whichever weapon he's carrying - Blue when acting as a blue mage, ancient Allagan inspired gear for when he's carrying an Allagan blade, a combination shirt and subligar for when he's cruisin' for a bruisin', etc. He does have actual armor for operations, as well as other kits that can be used for other purposes, but they are often specialized and do not come out often.

Personal ––– –

Profession: ~ Ruins Explorer/Adventurer/Grave Robber: All different definitions of the same thing. Kellach stakes his savvy and combat prowess against the world's history in a search for knowledge, magical relics and just plum ol' adventure. ~ Coliseum Fighter: Under the moniker of Sabotender Ciclope, in part due to complications about him being Ul'dah and in part due to personal complications. Effectively a gatekeeper for the bloodsands with a very unorthodox style of weaponless fighting. It is, in part, a cover to listen in on possible leads for whatever his friends are investigating. ~ Bodyguard/Trade Caravan Escort: Using his martial prowess to help out Eorzea's lucrative trade routes, one bandit at a time. Has happened less and less lately due to being busy with other adventures. ~ Deputy Postmoogle: He used to be one, and perhaps one day, he will be again. All they have to do is ask, and he'll do it. If only because Kellach does owe them a lot. Despite one of their own accidentally revealing to his Free Company that he intended on sacrificing himself in a convoluted self-sacrificial plan that would have resulted in him somehow surviving. It's best to not ask.

Hobbies: Training in use of various weaponry, personal fashion, reading about ancient cultures, highly conceptual thinking (read: saying whatever stupid thought comes to mind)

Languages: Eorzean Common and a passing familiarity with Ancient Allagan

Residence: An apartment in the Ivory Tower, whereever it may be found.

Birthplace: A farm on an island south-south-west of Vylbrand formerly known as Toegisil (lit. Secret Island in Roegadyn), which had a small port for resupplying ships.

Religion: Not much of a believer, but Element worship - Fire/Air/Ice/Water/Air/Lightning

Patron Deity: If you ask him, he has none, but actually it's Althyk, as it was a chance encounter with Marauders that set him on the path he's on. Marauders are well known axemen, and Althyk's main symbol is a mythril axe.

Fears: Losing Eamont, losing his friends and found family, disappointing the above, mind control, Voidsent (a fear that manifests typically in overwhelming violence)

Nicknames: Kell. Woods, though that has fallen out of favor.

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: Eamont Desormaux. They wuv each other vewy vewy much.

Children: No adoptions yet.

Parents: Deceased

Siblings: His brother, Einrich, sole survivor of the mass suicide/self-genocide of Toegisil.

Other Relatives: All deceased

Pets: Pinchyshell - Smallshell Crab, deceased (eaten by a sea creature) Phantom - White Chocobo, released to frolick among the wild chocobos of Dravania Ser Régent de Grisville - White (fat) Chocobo, Kell is tasked to slimming him down. Three years later and a strict gyshal greens diet have done nothing to thin down the rotund bird Ringo - Red Panda, adopted by Eamont and welcomed in their little abode. It likes Eamont more than Kell. Several other animals that somehow glom up to Kell in bizarre circumstances.

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––– –

Personality: Kellach is essentially what people would consider as weird. Whether it's his alleged aversion to pants, the ideas he comes up with (the healing gun, the cannon-on-a-stick, the emergency beaver, etc.) typically require a keen understanding of the way his mind works as they often jump out of nowhere. He's gotten used to getting that reaction, but so long as it's just an observation and not an evaluation of him as a person, he's fine with it. Other than that, he's excitable and in a funk, easily distracted with physical things to do. While he's difficult to approach due to a combination of attire and reputation, he's a fiercely loyal friend for those who manage to do so.

Recreational Substances: Kellach is particularly boring on that point, in that he will drink and even then very much in moderation. He got rip roaringly drunk at one point and suffice it to say problems occurred.

Favorite Foods: Fish on rice, meat (any) roasted over a campfire, natural berries, grilled fish, savory salads

Likes: Discoveries, problem-solving, recreational fighting, good company, blue magic

Dislikes: Nobility of blood or coin, inaction,

Virtues: Loyal, honest, sense of justice

Vices: No regards to the sanctity of life, martyr complex, dishonorable

RP Hooks ––– –

Ruins Explorer: You've got an ancient ruin that needs breaking into for archaeological or more mundane pecuniary purposes? There's a Kellach interested, salivating at the idea!

No Celestrium, No Problem: Kellach is a bonafide Blue Mage, albeit one who came to the art in an odd way. With such bizarre magics being unfamiliar in Eorzea and the world, perhaps you want to consult someone who isn't too busy preening for the Celestrium (instead preening for the sake of preening!)

The Deputy Postmoogle's Last Delivery: Kellach owes the moogles several favors, and we all know how lazy they are. He might need to put on the uniform while you make use of your FemRoe Prime membership.

Who Is This Masked Fellow?: During a particularly unpleasant time in his life, Kellach went in search of himself, and uh, accidentally created several identities that might be wanted for various activities. Maybe your character wants to figure out who they are and what happened?

Other stuff!: Kellach has a tendency to fit in anywhere due to his strange sense of morality, his ability to introduce a little bit of levity and comedy in scenes that you believe might need it while being completely serious if needed. I'm pretty adaptable.