#their anniversary is coming up in the new year and they are not seeing a gift from me

[admirationandromantics]

Going overboard, 1: Memento Mori

Okay, so first the prologue, and now the first chapter. As I've said before, not all chapters include a Josh-interactions because of accuracy to the game, so you'll just have to live with it. If you haven't read the Prologue, go to my profile, then the masterlist, Josh Washington. You'll find it there. Get ready for tomorrow!

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Chapter 1: Memento Mori

After what happened up on the mountain last year, Josh didn’t stay in touch. At first we all tried to talk to him, help him, but we gave up one after another. He talked with Sam a lot. I think she did the most she could until he cut contact. I didn’t want to put too much on him, and we all were in grief as well, so it probably was the best solution. 

Sam and I had regular coffees. It helped us both. We shared stories about them, and she told me about everything which happened that night. The prank wasn’t about me, nor Josh. Not even Beth, but she still had to suffer the consequences. Poor Beth, and poor Hannah. We all knew she had a thing for Mike, but setting her up like that was not okay. I now despised them all, Jessica, Emily, Mike, Matt, Ashley. Matt was such a sweet guy, I couldn’t imagine him standing there with a camera, recording everything. For me though, Ashley hurt the most. I loved her, I truly did, but I cut contact quickly after I got to know about the evening. She sent me a bunch of texts, begging me to talk to her. She was sorry, she was drunk, caught up in the moment, and everyone was doing it so she felt like she had to. She never knew that the aftermath would be as bloody as it did. I still didn’t text her back. 

A month before the anniversary of their disappearance, Sam got a video message from Josh. He invited her up to the cabin again, stating that this would be a way to honour their memory, and relive the experience, but with a good ending. There would be booze, partying and just making new memories. Based on the video, it seemed like he asked everyone in the old group. Everyone except me. I felt hurt. Betrayed in a way. I was one of the few he talked to, cried to. Our relationship didn’t evolve after the event, but I was still there for him, trying to comfort him. Sam told me that I should come with her, but I declined. If he didn’t want me there, it was okay. She couldn’t understand why, but she kept being insistent, urging me to give it a chance. I didn’t have to be there the whole time, and if I wanted to, I could leave the very next day since the bus went through the area once every day. 

It would be good to talk to Josh, maybe even if he didn’t want to. I was selfish, I knew that, but I had to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. This also made me think of Chris. He would probably be there, and I hadn’t kept in touch with him either. I felt bad, but at the same time, we weren’t that close. I knew that he still hung out with Ashley sometimes, and maybe that made me a bit afraid. Maybe she would try to contact me through him? Maybe I wasn’t just selfish. Ashley also needed to talk. Talk to me, clear the air. I would let her. I finally agreed to come with Sam up to the cabin. 

***

The bus is empty, except for Sam and I of course. She didn’t pack much, and I didn’t either. I figured that I wouldn’t stay long. I just needed to talk to people, get some weights off my shoulders. The radio is playing, and no surprise, it’s about Beth and Hannah. I hold my composure, trying not to cry. The trip is long, and I end up sleeping on her shoulder for a good amount of it. Sam is watching something on her phone, but I don’t peek. I simply look out the window. There is an eerie feeling to these mountains. I felt the same last year, but this time it feels stronger. The black trees are covered in snow, untouched by animals. 

Finally we reach our stop. The sign says “Blackwood Pines” and hadn’t it been for last year's events, I would still love the name. Being here for the first time felt magical, straight out of Narnia, joining a winter wonderland of mystery. Now, I feel nervous. The air isn’t as fresh, the ground not as hard and the snow was too white. Instead of smelling winter, I smell something musk, like a dead animal or rotten meat. I look over at Sam, and I think she notices too. 

We start walking in silence, through the gate and up the trail. As we walk, she stops. 

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” I whisper, getting anxious. Maybe it’s a wild animal, a wolf or a bear. 

“Hello!?” Sam shouts, and my eyes widen. Why would she do that, what if the animal looks at us as a threat now. I look around, expecting something to pop out, but it’s silent. 

“Sorry, I probably just thought I heard something,” she says, continuing walking. She notices my tenseness. 

“Are you okay?”

“No, absolutely not” I state, looking around again. 

“Hey I get it, this is weird, but we’re doing this for Josh right,” she starts, taking my hand, stopping me. 

“I hate to say it, but you need to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen, and people are just being friendly”

“I know, I know. I just can’t shake off this feeling that there’s something here”

“It’s because of last year. We’re all still thinking about it, so we know how you’re feeling”

I look up at her. She’s right, I’m not alone in this, and we’ve both been there for each other the whole year. 

“Yeah, thanks for the talk. It’s just… well, weird”

“It is, but I think this is good for you. This trip could be a way for you to let go, get some closure. They both would’ve wanted that for you” she says, before pulling me into a hug. I breathe, and some of the tension lifts. Thank God I still have Sam. When we pull away she looks at me, smiling. I smile back, before looking behind her. My mouth opens, eyes widen and my breath hitches. I grab her hand, holding hard. 

“S-Sam, c-c-careful. Stand s-s-till,” I whisper. She holds her breath while searching my face for answers. 

“Boo!” I shout, punching her with both my hands. She screeches, jumps and I feel her pulse in her hand. 

“Got you” I laugh, while she’s still trying to compose herself. 

“Fucking asshole” she says. I can’t stop laughing. 

“You know, you’re going to ‘wolf wolf’ me.”

“I can live with that” I continue laughing, before starting to walk again, her following after. 

“I’m joking, that was out of line, sorry” I say after a while. 

“At least you got to see my ‘frozen’ face”

“Yeah that’s why I laughed” 

We reach the gate, and a piece of paper is pinned on the lock. 

“The gate’s busted, climb over -Chris” 

“I guess we have to climb,” I state, looking at the gate. There are big spikes on the top of the gate, so I look over at the side. It’s a stone wall. 

“Right up my alley” Sam says enthusiastically. Of course it is. 

“I’ll give you a lift first if you take my bag” she says, already taking off her bag. 

“Fine, just don’t throw me over with those strong climber-arms of yours” I reply, taking her bag and making my way to the wall. She puts out her hands and I grab somewhere safe on the wall. She helps me get up, and I jump down the other side, looking up, waiting for her. 

“Gosh, the stones are cold” she complains, finally getting to the top. 

“Should’ve worn gloves” I smile, showing off my red-covered hands in a theatrical manner. She laughs before hopping down. I give her backpack back, and we continue up. 

When we finally arrive at the cable car station, the place seems empty. I see a couple of cars in the parking lot, but don’t want to check who they belong to. One of them must be Josh’s. I walk up to the bench, noticing a backpack and a ringing phone. My curiosity is immense, but I don’t touch it. Sam notices who’s bag it is. 

“Hey Chris!” she yells, looking around for him. 

“Hey guys” he answers, and we both turn around. He seems older, more harsh than the year before, but I don’t comment on it. 

“How are you ladies?”

“Well, as you can expect” Sam answers, still smiling. I smile as well, keeping the mood light. I don’t notice how much I’ve missed him before seeing him now. Something in me breaks a little. 

“Oh, so, I found something kind of amazing”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna tell you got to see for yourself” he smiles, grabbing his backpack and leading us around the house. We get to the other side where we’re met with a shooting range. Barrels and bottles stacked for hitting, as well as bags hanging from the trees. 

“Ta-da! Pretty rad right?” Chris exclaims, loving this a bit too much. Sam forces a smile, guns are not a source of happiness for a pacifist. 

“A gun range on the bottom of a ski lodge” I comment. “How… nordic?”

Chris picks up a gun before looking at me. 

“Well, have you met Josh’s dad?”

“Yeah”

“Then we shouldn’t be surprised” he says before turning and aiming the gun. I hold my breath, not comfortable with this funny clumsy guy holding a death-weapon. He shoots the bags and one of the cans. I’m kind of impressed. 

“Nice shootin Tex” Sam teases, not impressed. I guess it would take something better than shooting to impress her. She fakes an annoyed look before turning my way. 

“Wanna try?”

“You know what, sure. It’s been a while” I say before taking the gun from him, taking off my backpack and laying it beside me. 

“You’ve done this before?”

“Josh has taken me shooting several times, not hunting though, luckily” I smile, remembering how close we felt the first time he showed me how to use it. 

“I bet that’s not the only thing you two have done” he comments, a smirk on his lips. 

“Haha, funny guy” I tease back. Sam holds her laughter. I shoot a couple of bags, stopping when a squirrel jumps on one of the barrels. 

“I guess that’s our sign to start going to the lodge,” I say, leaving the gun and grabbing my bag. 

“Jeez, I wish Josh would take me shooting,” Chris says, and I smile. 

The cable car is coming, and Sam makes her way over there. I use the opportunity to grab ahold of him. 

“Hey Chris, about this year-” I start, but he holds a finger up, signalling for me to stop. 

“I get it, if I were in your shoes I would’ve done the same”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s weird being back, but I’ve been wanting to clear up everything. We should keep in contact, even though you don’t want to talk to Ashley, I understand”

“When did you become such an understanding gentleman,” I tease, punching his arm and start walking. He lifts his arms in the air. 

“Haven’t I always been?” And I laugh at him. 

We all get in the cable car, and it starts moving up. Chris starts talking about how he and Josh met, and I pay close attention. I’ve only heard this story from Josh, and I love getting the different story-perspectives. 

***

We arrive at the top, I stand and try to open the door. It will not open. 

“Uh, guys, I can’t get the door open.” Chris tries, but can’t manage either. His response is to smack the window. 

“Ahh, what the hell!” I hear someone say. Jessica. I compose myself. 

“Jess! Over here, open the door!” Chris shouts. I see her through the window, and I bite my lips from having to look put together. Don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like you have anything against this piece of scum. I keep chanting in my head. 

She opens the door, and we all thank her. As we walk out, Chris starts whining. 

“Oh my god. I thought we were goners. Another ten minutes in there and I would’ve chewed off my own leg.”

“Aw, sick Chris,” Sam comments. 

“Look, I’ve got a lot of meat on my bones. This is all muscle down there.”

Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah riiiiiight”

“Keep telling yourself that Chris,” I add, clapping him on the shoulder as I walk past him. He lowers his voice to a whisper. 

“Well, we all know who’s bone you want to jump…”

I turn around, mouth agape and eyes threatening. He immediately puts his hands up in defence, walking backwards two paces. 

“Just jokes, just jokes” says, voice cracking. 

“Dickhead”

“Notice how I’m not going to make another joke about that,” he answers. I quickly make a snowball and throw it at him, hitting his chest. Sam places herself between us, arms tense as if waiting for someone to attack. 

Chris uses this opportunity to snatch whatever Jess is holding. 

“Well, well, well… What do we have here?”

“Chris” Sam starts. He opens it, a surprised look on his face. 

“My goodness! Seems like someone has a crush on our good friend and dear class president Michael Munroe.” Shit. That’s not good. 

“Chris,” I threaten. 

“And what kind of sizzling erotica might our Jessica be capable of imagining, I wonder…”

Before he’s able to see more, Jess quickly snatches the item back. 

“If you must know-” she starts.

“Mike and I are together now.” We all look at each other. 

“Drama,” Chris answers. 

“No, pretty cut clean actually. Em’s out, I’m in,” she explains. I look over at Sam. She doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Chris breaks the awkwardness. 

“Well, we should keep going” 

“You go, I’ll be waiting here for a bit”

“Waiting for Mike?”

“Just go”

We oblige, walking further and leaving her behind. The trail is quite big and visible. It’s comfortable to walk on. As we turn a corner, I see the cabin. The cabin where Josh is, where Ashley is probably waiting. The cabin which was the last place two of our best friends were seen alive one year ago.

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

Don't You Want Someone Crazy Like Me, Babe?

CALLING ALL ARCANE FANS! Here's a CaitVi slowburn I'm working on on Ao3 so go check it out on there (tagged), this is just the first chapter :)

cw: swearing, mental health issues (eating disorders, self harm), alcohol/drug addiction/abuse

Two years? Two whole years. Isn’t that insane? Vi finds herself thinking as she feels the warm rush of water against her pale skin. She swipes the back of her hand along her face, pushing the beads of water off her body. Her delicate fingers wrap tightly along the handle of the shower and push it off shut quickly. The abrupt feeling of cold air against her skin causes a bitter sensation to erupt along her body, goosebumps decorating her skin.

She shivers, shaking her head slightly, letting the water spray from her pinkish hair. She wraps a towel along her body, covering only a slight portion of her figure. It hangs loosely off her soft skin, clinging to the wet curve of muscles along her body. As she walks past the mirror to exit the bathroom, she catches a glimpse at her body and cringes slightly, hating watching her own figure.

Vi exits the bathroom and is greeted by the loud banging of hyperpop music from Powder’s room across the hall. Vi bangs a hand on her door and rolls her eyes.

“KEEP IT DOWN, I DON’T WANT ANOTHER NOISE COMPLAINT!” she yells to her sister. She doesn’t receive a response which isn’t surprising, but Vi gives up, grumbling as she makes her way to her own room.

She drops the towel lazily on the ground and pulls out a pair of gray sweat pants that are coated in various markings… dust, grime, paint. She slips those on and finds a loose fitting, cropped, black tank top. Her nipples poke against the soft fabric as she runs a brush through her messy hair.

It’s grown out to a lengthy mullet, creeping halfway down her back and strands of her hair are painted black in contrast to the brightness of the pink color of her hair. Vi sits on the edge of her bed and realizes only now that she hasn’t slept through a whole night in the two years it's been. Her phone lights up on the ground next to her towel and she shoots up and rushes to it. It’s just a message from Jayce… not the message she wanted.

It’s the group chat with her, Jayce, and Viktor called “Hexual Tension”

Hammerhead: vi, when u work next Knuckles: ??? Knuckles: which job dumbass? Clockwork: I believe he is referring to your job as a bouncer at the club downtown, Vi. Knuckles: alright hexpert Knuckles: why? Hammerhead: we wanted to visit u Knuckles: professor v wanted to visit me? Clockwork: Jayce asked if I would accompany him to your work and I happily obliged. I told him it is like a date. Knuckles: with hundreds of other people Knuckles: and me Hammerhead: long time no see Vi Knuckles: I know I miss y’all too Knuckles: I work tomorrow from 8 to 1 am Clockwork: Perfect, we will see you then.

Vi flicks her phone closed and sighs. It’s been awhile since she’s seen those dumbasses and as much as she doesn’t want to be bothered, she does miss them.

She jumps at the sound of a knock on her bedroom door. “Come in,” she calls out.

Powder peeks her head inside. “Can I come in?”

Vi just nods and scoots over on the bed to make more room for her sister, but rather she sprawls herself out on the ground instead of the bed. Vi just huffs.

“What’s up?”

“I know it’s the two year anniversary,” she whispers, her eyes glued to the ceiling. Her blue hair is messy, falling on the ground with strands across her pale face.

“I don’t need your pity, Powder,” Vi mumbles.

“Hey, street name, dumbie,” she grunts out.

“Sorry, Jinx,” Vi subconsciously corrects, not quite used to her sister’s new ‘street persona’.

“I’m not here to give you pity, just make sure you’re okay, that’s all,” she whispers, turning over on the hardwood floor and facing upwards at Vi sitting on the bed.

“I’ve… been better,” Vi finds herself admitting quietly.

“It’s been two years and-”

“-don’t expect me to get over it after two years,” Vi bites.

“Not what I was going to say,” Jinx informs, flicking her finger in the air disapprovingly. “I was going to say… it’s been two years and I haven’t seen you take care of yourself once or process it properly once and I’m not sure… that’s just not good.”

“You’re not exactly the queen of taking care of herself,” Vi informs, her eyebrows cocking slightly.

Jinx laughs loudly, an outburst that catches Vi off guard. “You’re not wrong… I have anxiety and an eating disorder and I blast my ears with music so I don’t hear the voices. But you… you have depression and anger issues and hurt your body physically.”

“I’m not proud of it, alright. I’m just saying I don’t think you’re one to speak on healthy behaviors.”

Jinx shrugs, turning onto her back again, eyes darting across the ceiling as if they’re searching desperately for something, perhaps an answer to a question that underlies Vi's words.

“I didn’t mean to bother you, just trying to be a good sis,” she says quietly.

Vi feels a sharp pain in her stomach and scrunches her nose up tightly at those words. “I’m sorry, Po-Jinx. I’m just processing everything. First love and first heartbreak are hard.”

“Especially since you’re gay.”

Vi makes a scowling face, shooting daggers at her sister, who doesn’t even look in Vi’s direction, but bursts out in a fit of giggles again.

“Yeah, okay, especially since I’m gay. But it’s just been hard when she was… my whole life, I suppose.”

Jinx just nods, her fingers dancing across her skin as she allows the tingles to fuel her body, letting her know that she’s breathing and thinking and alive. The cool wood of the floor helps. Jinx tilts her head ever so slightly in Vi’s direction and her lips tug into a small frown.

“Sorry,” she chirps.

Vi just shrugs. “I’m going to be fine. I just can’t believe you remembered it’s been two years.”

“How could I forget?” she whispers, her lips teasing upwards slightly. “You hadn’t spoken to me in years and you just appeared on my doorstep like a wet dog.”

“I know, not my finest moment. Dad died and I got fucked up and I’m sorry again.”

“Stop apologizing for it, dammit,” Jinx hisses, hating to relive their past trauma and mistakes.

Vi bites the inside of her cheek, feeling the same pang in her stomach at the discussion of past wounds. “But I’m glad I’m here.”

“Me too,” Jinx whispers. “Work tomorrow?”

“Both jobs, yeah. You?”

“Yup, both as well,” Jinx whistles out, a soft sound that has a childlike tone to it.

Vi just laughs slightly. “Glad you call what you do work.”

“I make money!” she informs, offense written across her face.

“Legally?”

“Money’s money!” she yelps, pressing her palms into the cold wood to help push herself up so she’s sitting upright and looking at Vi directly.

Vi just shakes her head and laughs. “Just giving you a hard time. And don’t get caught, alright?”

Jinx offers a mimicking salute as she stands up and bows, making her way to the door. She swings it open and lunges through it.

Vi’s voice cuts through the door before she can shut it. “Turn your techno-ass music down so we don’t get a damn noise complaint again, alright?”

Jinx rolls her eyes but smiles, the door open barely half an inch as she whispers “no promises!” through it.

Vi watches the door shut all the way and she finds her body collapse fully on the bed. Her dark room glows slightly in the low light of the lantern sitting in the corner. She doesn’t bother with overhead lights often as it costs more for the electricity bill. She contorts her body until her hand scrambles against the floor under her bed. Her fingers brush against the cold glass of a beer bottle that she pulls out and presses against her cracked, scarred lips. She shifts her hand under the covers of her messy bed and she finds her vape. She also brings this to her destroyed lips, breathing in the taste.

She blows it out in a low breath, her lungs deflating completely, leaving her weak. The room fills with the scent of blue raspberry and it’s stupid, but it reminds her of-

Vi tosses her vape across the room. It hits the wall and then the ground with a loud bam! sound and she hears the pieces of it scatter across the wooden floor. She hisses under her breath, regretting the mistake but not bothering to clean up the newly made mess.

The beer bottle finds its way back to her lips and she consumes the tart liquid. It coats her tongue and her throat, encapsulating her entire body in a way that turns her mind fuzzy and numb.

Vi can’t help but think it’s also been two years since she hasn’t been either high or drunk.

Her body sinks into her old mattress and she lets her muscles relax, feeling the coursing alcohol throughout her veins, fueling her body and her mind, leading her to exhaustion.

════❖════

Only the holy lord above knows how long Vi’s alarm has been blaring for. That is if there is a holy lord above.

Her head is pounding and she feels sick to her stomach, a sour feeling pulsing in her body. She lets her hand search her hand blindly search her bed for her phone, searching for an escape to the loud sounds that make her hangover worse. She gives up quickly and pulls herself out of bed, realizing it’s on the floor.

“Motherfucker!” she swears loudly, realizing the time. “I’m so fucking late-”

It’s already 11:30 am and she realizes that she had a class that started 45 minutes ago. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she cusses under her breath as she messily runs a hand through her long hair, not bothering to straighten or brush it.

She also doesn’t bother changing, just grabbing her shoes and her boxing gloves, along with her wraps and a water bottle.

“BYE!” she screams loudly as she darts out of the small apartment that she shares with Jinx. Vi doesn’t get a response from her sister, which isn’t surprising. She’s probably still asleep.

Vi sprints about four blocks to the small little boxing studio in the middle of the downtown area, bursting through the door, panting and scared.

Her boss stumbles over to her… his face does not look amused.

“The fuck you doing here so late. Someone had to take care of your class,” he shoots bitterly.

Vi’s lips quake as she attempts to breathe properly, to fill her lungs with the air required to talk and communicate with her boss. She scrunches her nose and rests her hands on her knees.

“I’m so sorry I had an issue at home and-”

“Not interested. Go take your class back,” he demands.

Vi straightens herself out, pulling her tape out to bandage up her wrists and put her gloves on.

“Oh, and Vi?” he quips as she’s rushing to one of the back rooms. “You’re late one more time, you’re fired,” he hisses.

She nods, her eyes stinging. She’s exhausted and worn out but she has a class to teach. She bursts through the door and notices all the young kids practicing with their sub. She plasters a smile on her face and waves at the kids. They giggle with excitement as they notice her and she tries not to deflate instantly.

“Sorry about that, guys! I’m here for the rest of your class. How was the sub? Shall we practice some kicks too?”

════❖════

“Morning, baby,” Maddie whispers, turning over and pressing a kiss against Caitlyn’s cheek.

Caitlyn is staring numbly at the ceiling. “Morning,” she whispers, her British accent thick with exhaustion.

“Ah yes, still cranky until you get your coffee.” Maddie attempts to make the joke to lighten the room, but Caitlyn doesn’t crack. “I’ll go make some when you get ready for work, yeah?”

Caitlyn just nods, her eyes closing and opening in slow, drawn out blinks. Maddie crawls from the bed, naked. She dawns a robe as she exits the room to fix Caitlyn some coffee and food before work.

Caitlyn pulls herself from bed a few beats later, fully clothed. Her face is cold and emotionless as she stumbles to her closet, pulling out a uniform-type look. Her high waisted trousers hug her ass and thighs tightly, constricting her slightly, but she doesn’t mind. Her nimble fingers make their way up the button’s of her dark colored shirt. She slips on her boots and an overcoat.

She finds herself in her bathroom. She’s a mess; her hair is dark with sweat and grease and is tossed in every direction except down. Her face is dark and smudged with makeup from the night before. She tosses cool water against her face in an attempt to wake her up and wash away the remnants of her makeup. She brushes her hair with her delicate fingers, pulling it into a high ponytail. Some of her strands are defiant, sticking out in erratic waves.

She stumbles into the kitchen.

“You look lovely,” Maddie chirps, handing her a cup of coffee.

“I wear this every day, Maddie, and I’m not wearing makeup today and my hair’s an outright disaster.” Her voice is harsh… harsher than she intended.

“It’s okay, babe, you still look amazing,” Maddie pleads.

Caitlyn exhales sharply, taking a long sip of her coffee, letting the bitter liquid wake her up as it hits her taste buds. “Thank you,” she finally whispers out after a few minutes.

Maddie just nods. “Be safe today.”

“I always am,” she informs, grabbing her car keys.

Maddie leans in for a kiss before Caitlyn leaves, but Cait dodges it, letting Maddie’s small lips plant against Caitlyn’s cheek. “Bye,” Maddie hums as Caitlyn leaves.

Unfortunately, Caitlyn’s entire drive she isn’t thinking about the rules of the road or what the day at work is going to look like, which is very unlike her.

Rather, her mind is plagued with thoughts of Vi. Yesterday was the anniversary of their two year break up and man, did that day wreck Caitlyn. She honestly hadn’t even realized it until she was almost home from work that night but it ruined the rest of her day. The bitterness and contempt she held for her fiance because of it was awful, but she couldn’t help it. It's not as if it wasn’t all her fault, but it didn’t matter. She missed her so bad and she regretted everything.

But it was too late to fix the mess she’d created, so why not let it be… let the mess sit? She wasn’t proud of that mentality, but it is out of her hands, for better or for worse.

Caitlyn parks her car, her head pounding as she realizes she doesn’t even remember arriving here; how she got here and everything. But she slips her badge on the belt of her pants and stumbles towards the police station. Being a detective is hard, but what better way to take her mind off of a broken heart?

But fuck, did she miss Vi.

[kirstielol]

this has to be the busiest month of my life 😵‍💫

[seenthisepisode]

i need help to manage my budget... by help i mean 3 million euro sent directly from heaven i guess

[itslottiehere]

—

[anti-dazai-blog]

In honor of this blog’s One Year Anniversary, here are my top 3 BSD theories (in order of most to least likely)

[spoilers for the current arc of the manga]

Theory 1– Albert Camus, the author of The Stranger, will show up within the next few chapters.

Look, we’ve been in Meursault for a while now. We’re all in agreement that Meursault is named after Meursault, the protagonist of The Stranger, right? 

I’ll take this theory a step further and say that Camus will use his ability to restore Meursault to its original (undamaged) state. It’s very impractical to have security measures that destroy large portions of the prison, unless, of course, the prison can be restored quickly and easily. 

Additionally, it doesn’t seem like it would be too much of a stretch to say that by restoring the prison, Camus can fix the elevator Dazai is currently stuck in and falling to his (improbable) death. We have seen abilities being able to work so long as they’re surrounding Dazai without touching him directly (as seen when Nikolai teleported him out of his cell, and in the 15 Light Novel when Rimbaud extended his ability underneath the ground so that Dazai wouldn’t be touching it). Either way, we know there’s no way Dazai is dying in an elevator crash, and I’d really like to see a Camus Ex Machina.

Theory 2– Higuchi’s ability.

I’ve seen a lot of theories floating around regarding what Higuchi’s ability might be. Although most of them are really good, I personally think a lot of them are too powerful to make sense to introduce this late into the story. There would have to be solid justification for why Higuchi doesn’t use it in battle, or why she isn’t sent out to fight the more dangerous enemies of the series. 

However, Higuchi’s primary job is combative, and although I’m not entirely sure what her job is, she seems to be higher ranking than the Black Lizard, and she’s able to give them orders. So her ability is most likely something that would be helpful in combat. 

Which is why I’ve reached my theory that Higuchi’s ability is Pain Nullification. 

Pain is a very important sensory response because it lets you know you’ve been injured and you should be careful. Many wounds are survivable so long as you treat them soon enough and don’t aggravate them more after receiving them. But what if you weren’t aware that you got injured in the first place? What if you kept fighting with stab and bullet wounds? You’d most likely bleed out quickly, and although you might not die (depending on how severe the wounds are), you would at least pass out. 

[the following paragraph has facts taken from a bunch of google articles, so most of it is semi-plagiarized, I am not smart enough to know any of this off the top of my head] 

There are people born with the condition called CIPA (Congenital insensitivity to pain and anhydrosis) which prevents them from feeling pain. Most people born with this condition do not live past the age of three, and half of them die from overheating. If the body cannot sense heat, it will not be able to produce sweat to combat the heat. In short: it is very, very dangerous to be unable to feel pain.

She may also be able to use her ability on herself and her comrades in moderation, to help them fight— furthermore, it makes sense that she'd be paired with Akutagawa, given that she could make his lung condition more manageable. Since there is nothing to be done about it, it will not aggravate it further if she nullifies the pain.

Theory 3– The surgeries on the Hunting Dogs are a lie.

[note that I am not up-to-date with the manga, and all the information I have for this is from Tumblr and the Wikipedia pages for all characters involved]

Yeah look this one’s gonna be short because I’m not sure if it makes any sense. But. Hear me out. 

You’re telling me there’s a group of overpowered Ability users, whose abilities and physical bodies are enhanced far beyond any normal person… and they’re led by a guy whose ability is to enhance his weapons far beyond any normal weapon? Really? And I’m not supposed to believe that he’s just enhancing them?

 My guy here definitely seemed like the type to view the fancy government ability users he’s in charge of as weapons. C’mon. What do you mean he’s not enhancing them. This is a genuine question I’m so lost on this. If anyone wants to explain this to me. I’m open to here whatever explanation the manga gives. 

[annabelle--cane]

uh oh gang I miss musicals

[gregmarriage]

me as a kid being like ‘i wanna stay home all day and do whatever i want!’ and adult me being chronically ill, disabled and bed ridden ✌🏻

[artemisbarnowl]

Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.

[herawell]

.

[msdusa]

keep getting ads on ig for rocky horror showings everywhere but near me :(

[jaded-ghoster]

okokok classic AU where a toddler develops a new quirk and accidentally hits Midoriya with it, except this time it’s a freaking multiverse quirk (can you feel the spiderman influence). Now, 2nd year of highschool midoriya, middle school midoriya, young adult pro hero midoriya, and idk thirty-eight year old teacher midoriya who has his life figured out and settled down are now all in this one world. However, this goes against some rule of the universe because with past present and future in the same place and everyones memories altering 24/7 it just doesn’t make sense, so the only way to solve it is for the people to leave. Naturally, this means death. Everyone is calmly laughing about the matter and trying to get home until idk young adult pro hero midoriya gets impaled by a flagpole and dies. People freak out, and now it’s like a final destination movie with them avoiding death flags every day in a specific order and trying to figure out how to get back to their own time before they die. And the jiffy is that we can’t expect 2nd year of highschool Midoriya to be the one to survive, because it’s not like everyone else besides him doesn’t belong, it’s just that there can’t be more than one at a time in the same place. Middle school Midoriya has an equal chance of being the sole survivor.

[victorluvsalice]

Happy 15th “Very First Mention Of Valice” Anniversary!

Though, admittedly, it does feel weird to celebrate this anniversary, given that “very first mention of Valice” was me berating myself for even HAVING shipping thoughts about Victor and Alice. XD Yeah, what happened basically was this --

-->I was playing in a LIveJournal RP game at the time, Beyond The Rift, with a version of Doc Brown mixed with Changeling: The Lost (poor guy had ended up as a steampunk cyborg while stuck in Faerie, then escaped into an alternate universe Chicago with angels and demons and various other ridiculous shenanigans -- he at least got the ability to control his personal weather out of it?). I was having fun, and thinking about other characters that I would like to play with if given the chance -- most notably, Victor and Alice.

-->That same day, I ended up on TV Tropes, and in my travels, ended up in the Shipping Tropes section. I don’t remember if I ended up on the Crossover Shipping page precisely, but I was definitely in that general vicinity.

-->And -- well, I was already thinking about how Victor and Alice shared a love of drawing, and how they were from the same time period, so if they DID both end up in that Chicago, they’d be able to commiserate with each other and suchlike. . .

-->And thus, cue me thinking about shipping them. And then cue me going “WTF??” at my own brain, because I was absolutely convinced at the time that they’d make a horrible couple, and that my (supposedly-joking) desire to ship Victor with both Victoria AND Emily was weird enough.

. . .we see how all THAT turned out! I wonder what 2008 Vicky would think if she could look forward and see me now -- having written freaking novels’ worth of Valice fan fiction, having embraced not only shipping Victor with Victoria and Emily at the same time, but throwing Alice into the mix too, and currently being obsessed with the OT3 of Victor, Alice, and a roller coaster. XD Hopefully she’d see how happy I am with all this nonsense and be glad that she didn’t talk herself out of it. (Even if it took me until December of that year, after I’d made Victor and Alice RP journals, to let Alice call Victor her boyfriend. But we’ll get to that later.)

[livvyofthelake]

13 days until chain of thorns. it’s going to fix me i’m telling you. seeing cordelia is going to be so healing you don’t even understand

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)

Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?

David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...

Int: ...it's controversial.

David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.

Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?

David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?

Int: We're all narcissistic.

David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.

Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.

David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.

Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.

David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.

Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.

David: Oh, good, me too!

Int: You are my Doctor.

David: Oh, thank you very much.

Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.

David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Int: What was it like working with her?

David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.

[eggmeralda]

oh my god I've been obsessed with the who for 10 actual years now