#thedeerfish

[wowheadquarters]

They switched roles with the order hall leaders

For @thedeerfish. So, the brave Adventurers thought that both the factions and the Order Halls would benefit if they switched leadership roles with the faction leaders, if only for a while. I am sure we can imagine how the Adventurers handled the factions (summary: a disaster with occasional rave party), the question is how the leaders handled the Order Halls. Because there are more leaders of one Class, let’s say they just took turns or something.

Archeus: Because none of the leaders is a Death Knight, Archeus was left unsupervised for a whole month. The Knights of the Ebon Blade enjoyed it, played Hearthstone and slacked around. Then Lich King Fordragon remembered that somebody should keep an eye on the Death Knights, so he sent in Kel’thuzad. Upon seeing the state of things, the Archlich opened a Hearthstone training school, because, and now I quote, the style those frozen undead bastards play with is a tap-dancing tragedy. 

Dreadscar Rift: No leader is a Warlock either,and because unlike the Death Knights, Warlock have no ultimate high commander of the Lich King level, they have been left alone to their anarchy. Which is fine with the Warlocks. A good Warlock is usually found in a state of some anarchy. (A bad Warlock is usually found in pieces if found at all.)

Dreamgrove: Druids were also left without a leader. Not like they minded, they called it a day, descended into their barrows and went in for a nap. Because there is only one thing the Druids like more than trees, and that thing is a good sleep. What a life, don’t you think?

Fel Hammer: Due to a mistake in a missing comma, Taedal has been put in charge of the Demon Hunters (as he is a Demon, Hunter). At first, the Illidari took it pretty badly, but soon they have found out Taedal is a very easygoing guy who is up for any kind of mischief. And beds. Fel Hammer got tons of fine, luxurious beds. And a training course for their tattoo artists. And lenghty lectures about the Burning Legion, because Taedal has been there and seen it. 

Hall of the Guardians: None of the leaders is a mage, the Halls of the Guardians has been left alone. But to be fair, the Mages have buried themselves in the library and haven’t really noticed.

Hall of Shadows: Except for heavy redecoration and a rework of the Dalaran sewage system, the Rogue Order Hall hasn’t seen much change under Gallywix’s rule. Commanding Rogues is worse than herding cats, because although the Rogues are in various factions like the Ravenholt, SI:7, Shattered Hand and so on, and they listen to their leaders, they refuse to listen to anybody else. Commanding Rogues is like herding flies. And each of the fly is heavily armed, invisible, and poisonous to touch.

The Heart of Azeroth: The first three days the Shamans were left without any kind of leadership, because Thrall just crawled into one of the deeper and more isolated caves, where he was wallowing in... self-pity and handful of other negative thoughts. Then Vol’jin finally got an approval for his reassignment from the Netherlight Temple, arguing it was too crowded there. Vol’jin took charge of the Shamans, introduced them to the more friendly loas and world spirits, saying they all should work together, and then he held therapy sessions. Those were originally meant for thrall, but plenty of other Shamans (and soon also the Shamans’ friends) began visiting.

Netherlight Temple: After the Leaders found out that the name for a group of priest is an argument, they peacefully decided to take turns. Well, everyone except Anduin, who refused to get into being in charge of anything ever again, thank you very much. The boy barricaded himself in the Sanctuary of the Void, where rarely anyone comes to visit, especially the post. The first week it was Velen’s rule, on the third day Vol’jin’s spirit has disappeared without any trace left behind. Velen was secretly glad that the Troll stopped advertising drugs as a healthy and completely normal way to ensure prophecy visions. The next week has seen Tyrande running the place, everyone has learned more about astronomy and astrology than they even though there could be to learn. The temple still has the star charts and models. Moira got herself two weeks, deciding she is going to be the Regent Priest for Anduin. It was... quite a change for everybody, because Moira has Warrior origins, and while she runs the  Discipline talents, she is actually a battle-priest. And as such, she was preparing the whole temple for a war.

Sanctum of Light: Greymane has promised the Paladins that they are going to be ruled by the King of Stormwind himself. The young man, however, failed to show up. On the fourth day, the Cameo Sentinel popped in, apologetically, and asked whether they still need a leader because she has been asked by the young Wrynn to check on this place. The Paladins didn’t need anyone in charge, but they invited the Cameo Sentinel for a drink.

Skyhold: Varian and Garrosh decided to settle their scores and also to please Odyn - all responsibilities went to hell as they spent the whole time brawling. Muradin wanted to be the responsible person in charge, but it turned out there is no necessity for it. The Valhalas is a true heaven for all Warriors. Muradin got drunk. Baine introduced the Rrykuls to Tauren relaxation herbs, which turned out to be a helluva fun when combined with mead. Genn has been told to shut up and stop commanding everyone (Hymdall’s words, not mine), so he spent the whole time writing letters to Anduin, asking him how are the paladins and he getting along, and also being in a heated fist-argument with Darius Crowley. Tough to say what Mekkatorque thought about the whole thing, as he brought his devices and tools and blueprints. It is entirely possible he completely forgot where he was.

Temple of the Five Dawns: Ji and Aysa came to the conclusion that they each took over a half of the hall (and of the temple) where they started their training grounds and lecture seatings. The monks are free to rotate between the two halves, after all Ji and Aysa both understand that the world needs the extremists in the Huojin and Tuishin philosophies as much as people who are somewhere in the middle or slightly to side and perhaps even out of the philosophies as well. Plus, after three or four tapped kegs, all the differences seem to perish.

Trueshot Lodge: Sylvanas and Lor’themar disappeared into the forests the first evening. They have been occasionally seen wandering around, together, giggling like teenagers. Falstad, who has been left in charge of the place considered all options he had, and then decided to have a big hunter competition with various disciplines - archery, gun shooting, game hunting, gryphon riding, hippogryph riding, horse races... You name it, they have done it. It was a great time for everybody.

[wowheadquarters]

Top 10 favorite Characters

For @thedeerfish. This list was slightly problematic. While I know exactly what characters are among my favorites, I never had the need to sort them into any kind of order. That is, until now. Oh, by the way, there is only one Top N list waiting in the queue, so if you like seeing these, you might go and suggest some. As long as it is Warcraft related, it’s good to go. Before you start reading this list, let’s play a game: Write down 10 characters you think I like. For each character on your list that appears here, you have a point. What’s your score? What's your most failed guess?

10. Griftah - He is a simple cheating shopkeeper selling useless things, sending clueless heroes to Zul’Aman. He has good lines. Ever since I’ve met him at the Shattrath Lower City, I wondered each new expansion locations “I wonder what Griftah is doing.” Given I play mainly Rogues, I was really happy about him being in WoD and later in the Underbelly. Let’s face it, where else would Griftah supposed to be than Underbelly? He isn’t much of a deep character with plenty of revealed lore, but he is one of those characters you just remember. Plus, with him the lack of lore and known personality traits doesn’t feel as bad writing but more as part of... What Griftah is keeping from us.

9. Har’koa - Cat mom. She is beautiful, she is a goddess, she is a mother. I have a lot of feelings about the adventures in Zul’Drak, especially about helping Har’koa. Plus it’s one of the few female characters I don’t feel Blizzard fucked up despite giving them some space. While it might be because she is there for like, 3 levels or so and then never seen again, I personally am of the opinion it’s because she was constantly in a form of a gigantic snow leopard and therefore couldn’t be stuffed in the practical female armor™ . Another thing is that Har’koa was never weak, even when she was trapped, and never stopped being kind and a goddess. I would really appreciate seeing Har’koa again. I would also appreciate an update on what is going on in the whole Northrend.

8. Maladaar - I haven’t got much reasoning here actually, I just happen to like him. On outland he was one of my favorite dungeon bosses and I was really sad about his whole story, despite I am not usually much into the “meant well but it went bad” backstories. Having Maladaar back on WoD was great and mainly the reason why I began to really like him. I mean, not only he is the Speaker for the Dead (which is, hands down, an awesome and a bit depressive title to hold) but he is also an active warrior, not just inactive priest who is defensive at best. He actually seeks justice. Maladaar deserved more space.

7. Chronormu - No such a list is, I think, complete without a dragon. There are plenty of dragons to choose from in WoW, so you can pick one to your taste. I like Chromie, the enthusiastic “let’s try again but better” dragon who decided not to be a boring elf but a Gnome (maybe she has a think for science?). She isn’t everywhere but she is everywhen, which is even better. She is cheerful even at the darkest hour without being an invasive optimist. Also Chronormu might and might not be trans. The -ormu suffix is, aside from Chromie, used only for bronze dragon males, while we always see Chromie as a woman. (How do you recognize a gender in a dragon when they are in a dragon form? You hardly do, they are reptiles, they don’t really have their gender visible.) Also I have a bet going on that when Nozdormu becomes Murozond, Chromie is going to become the next Aspect (or well... leader, since Aspects are no longer a thing).

6. Garrosh - First thing to remember: He fucked up everything he touched. Twice. He was given many opportunities for rising to greatness and also for redemption and he pushed every single one aside. He is a bad person. He isn’t a problematic fave, he is a total disaster and I absolutely disagree with what all he did. I don’t like for what he did, but because he is a damn interesting character (and mind you, it took me rather long to learn). And to me he is also to an extent very relatable, because I too used to view everyone around me as an enemy and tried to live up to my very awesome parent held in high regards by others who expected me to be exactly the same. So he made into the top 10 because he is a very interesting character, but I don’t really favor him as much as the others, because he is a bad person. I am still very salty about his death. I could have written it better.

5. Nozdormu - The only reason I don’t like Nozdormu more is because we don’t see much of him. He watches over time, travels through it as well. And he also looks damn fine. Like... damn damn fine. There is a picture of him in Troll appearance and that looks even better, but well, if he wants to be an elf... He is wise, he knows how and when and why he is going to die and he also knows he can’t do anything about it. Which is very heart-breaking, especially for him who just wants to protect Azeroth and time. He is in fact the most responsible person there is. A true Lawful Neutral. We all know what happens when he tries to change the history to be a better one (see Culling of Stratholme dungeon). Nozdormu is damn interesting and damn damn beautiful and I want to take him home and care after him so nothing bad would happen to him. He could do me the favour and be there more often in the game, me being the Champion Hero Adventurer and all, he could make some time for me.  

4. Ortell - The first time you meet this dude, he is almost naked sitting in a cave in Silithus and he translates the encrypted Twilight texts for you, because he realized those fuckers are no good, so he abandoned them. Hermit Ortell was quite a nice character and I liked visiting him in his cave, always brought him some papers to translate and read, because he then sent me a mail saying how nice it was I remembered him. Like, one of the few persons who actually liked to see me. And the boom baby, he is now Elementalist Ortell at Mount Hyjal, helping to infiltrate the cult he once used to call home. He also got some very ominously sounding lines. I loved hearing he is well and still on his bullshit. BfA is going to be about the Old Gods, I personally am of the opinion that Ortell should appear again - let’s just throw him at N’zoth, that tentacle fucker is just gonna run for momma in fear of Ortell. In our house goes a meme: “Little (out)house, little (out)house, who is inside?” - “Elementalist Ortell!”

3. Oculeth - A prime example that first impression matters. His first instinct to seeing a suspicious armed stranger is to put him in a deadlock bubble. In that very moment as the bubble was rising my main slowly to the ceiling, I thought “I know him for only ten seconds, but if anything happens to him, then I’d kill everyone on this server and then myself.” Oculeth is a walking disaster, this close to just losing it, but he is still brilliant and not giving up, he is a gigantic nerd and just loves things that move around thorough telemancy. Let me show to him the Wester and Eastern Earthshrine, please! Let me make my mess of elf happy!

2. Kel’thuzad - The sassy intelligent founder of Scourge (more or less) who isn’t paid enough to deal with all of this bullshit. Having read the Road To Damnation, I now know he didn’t actually want the power but the knowledge. Knowledge seeker. I can relate. But he isn’t actually a tragic character (by canon interpretation at least) which is somehow really... amazing. Life and death both threw stuffs at him and he just kept all of them for later use. And we knoe he has a cat he loves, and when worried then floats around like a distressed nurse in a field hospital . Now when Bolvar is in charge of the Scourge, Kel’thuzad is, technically speaking, a good guy. Or a neutral guy at least. He serves the Lich King (he doesn’t have much of a choice) and that’s all there is. Plus I always had a thing for necromancy and liches and this dude has been among my favorites since Warcraft III (when I couldn’t even read, not to mention understand English) and like hell am I going to change that now just because he is seen as a problematic character. Of course he is a problematic character, all characters have flaws of some kind. If they didn’t they’d be all the same and boring.

1. Vol’jin - DAMMIT BLIZZARD I DON’T CARE YOU ARE BRINGING HIM BACK IN THE BATTLE FOR AZEROTH! YOU HAD LITERALLY NO REASON TO KILL HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOT GIVING HIM MORE THAN 5 MINUTES OF SCREENTIME AND JUST ONE BOOK IS INEXCUSABLE! Okay, now I have calmed down a little. He is a strong character, both physically and mentally. He lost his son, his homeland, his homeland v. 2, his best friend, his homeland v. 3, the he had to kill the said best friend, then he had to leave Orgrimmar and his race was treated poorly in the Horde he helped to form... And nothing of that broke him. Just like Garrosh, for him everyone around was an enemy. But he didn’t kill them outright, he negotiated, he calculated, and he waited. Instead of enemies he sought opportunities, he was flexible. Yeah fine, until MoP he wasn’t all that accepting to people but he was proved wrong and he admitted it and that is something even real people have problems to do. Vol’jin is truly an inspiring character who was never afraid to call out anyone on their bullshit while keeping to both law and moral. His greatest weakness was his own damned intellect when he had the tendency to make things more complicated then they actually were. He was never my Warchief (I personally think that Cairne or Saurfang should have been the Warchief, later Baine), but he is someone whose orders I would do without questioning, knowing that all the questions I would have asked him, he asked them himself too, twice.

Honorable mention: Taedal - I have this sort of feeling I am obligated to list him here, since I am his creation mother. When you think about it, Taedal si actually just an OC I made for a punchline of a list and wanted to keep him as a running joke. He developed into a full character since then and you all have just sort of... accepted him and no longer question his presence, not even you guys who are new here (maybe you have read the FAQ but I don’t believe it, nobody reads the FAQ). When you think about it, his character, as it has developed, shouts Mary Sue (or the male version Gary Stu) miles around. He is described as pretty and everyone seems to get along with him aside from two or three characters who are just porely biased and Taedal keeps proving them wrong. He is intelligent and handsome enough to get laid, but he doesn’t do it often. And he has a special ability (to break the 4th wall). He is a rebelling demon, for Light’s sake! And somehow... Somehow nobody really minds. Maybe it’s because I present him as sort of a semi-official character, and when we get down to it there are canon characters with less believable backstory. Somehow this character seems natural in Taedal’s case instead of bad writing. I have plenty of other WoW OCs whom I love more than Taedal, but they aren’t on this blog so most of them doesn’t know them, so no reason to put them here. Plus, I really like the world I have built around Taedal. That demon wanted his own datadisc, so he has it. With the help of me and some other volunteering people who don’t mind contributing to the BaDW wiki. (This motherfucker is greedy as hell tho, and wants a second expansion now. Slow down, lizard man, I am not finished with the first one yet!)

[wowheadquarters]

What are the leaders opinions of the old gods?

For @thedeerfish I have jokingly named this list as “How to say ‘Burn it with fire!’ in 19 different ways.”

Anduin: Not happening. Not today. Nope. No. I’m gonna stop ‘em.

Ghost Varian: A valid reason to buy a bigger sword.

The Council of Three Hammers

Muradin: It is surprisingly hard to explain to Brann why big tentacly old gods shouldn’t be kept as house pets. Keeping Brann away from things he shouldn’t be encountering takes a lot of ma time. Moira: They aren’t lava-proof, so they aren’t all that much of a problem. Falstad: The Twilight Hammer is in the open season. So are the old gods (but be careful).

Tyrande: It’s more of a... Cenarius Circle problem. But if the old gods dare to do something to them, I am going to fight them and smite them.

Mekkatorque: A valid reason to craft a mind-proof suit and get examining!

Velen: I need holy water eye drops. And a bottle of something strong. And Maladaar with his mace.

Genn: As if a worgen curse wasn’t bad enough, we have also an octopus curse. Disgusting!

Aysa: It is improtant to keep your emotions at bay and not throw any hearts in pools. It’s that simple.

Thrall: Why is it always me who has to deal with stuff like that?

Spirit of Vol'jin: Yea, dose be bad. Dat’s why we have Loa. To fight da old gods ‘nd da beetlefucks.

Ghost Garrosh: Not as useful or a good idea as it might seem. Also a bloody headache.

Baine: Too big to be fought directly. Too ugly to be praised. Too destructive to be ignored. Just right to serve the purpose of heroic killing.

Sylvanas: I could weaponize them. Probably. I mean, there is the whole saronite thing and I am not as stupid was Hellscream... But I am afraid that in that case Kel’thuzad is going to call in copyrights.

Kel’thuzad: You bet.

Lor'themar: ...Can we wipe out Zul’Aman again? Please? Before someone gets the brilliant idea of throwing an old god into the Sunwell..

Gallywix: Good thing they are here, this way I am not the ugliest around!

Ji: The real question is, what is with the old gods and the bug theme? Why? Why is insect so... alluring? Why not for example a tapeworm?

Taedal: Been there, fought them. Now here, fighting them again. You know they are a real problem when Sargeras agrees with everyone else that old gods are evil and should be destroyed.