#thebloodypainter

[wanderingapathy]

[lemon-mokke]

a small change of pace

[wanderingapathy]

!!!

[wanderingapathy]

Discord doodles

[wanderingapathy]

AAAAAAAAHHH

[lemon-mokke]

The Bloody Painter by @delucat

[lemon-mokke]

Back with the mask

Bloody painter by @delucat

[deadblog17]

Paper Hello's

An expert from my journals: I've never been good at introducing myself, i get all tongue tied, not knowing which side of me to make say hello, so i hate hello's but... Hey, my name is Tessa, feel free to call me Tess. Anyone who knows me in the slightest knows that the only way i can get anything out is with words, my blank pages are one of my only escapes. I have a very specific way of thinking, it's harsh and crude and most are scared for me, they don't have to be, i'm already scared for myself. I am very cynical, i am a realist, and when it comes to my personal emotions, i am coldly rational. Now that might not seem too bad, "she'll never get too far from earth, her mind will keep her grounded" I don't want to be grounded. The sad thing about me, in my opinion, is that i don't think i will ever truly be happy. I can feel happiness, i am a pretty upbeat person most of the times, i understand the feeling but, with my mind, how i go through life, i will never achieve TRUE happiness. Now i know you may be thinking, "wow, she's depressing". I'm not, i may be morbid but i try not to be sad or depressed, well i try not to voice it anyway. Okay, let's get a little less ranty and get back to me saying hello. First thing you need to know about me: There is like a solid 92.77% chance that i will end up putting your health before mine, same with happiness. If i need to stay up with you until 4 in the morning with you to make you feel you're worth something, i'll do it. Now i may fall asleep but you will always be more important. Second thing: i have no sense of self worth, which is what lets me put others in front of me in many aspects. To be completely unguarded with you, i don't think i deserve happiness or love or peace and calm. I just don't deserve it. I have hurt too many people, let too many people down. I can't honestly tell you how i got to this point, i don't even know myself but i'm here, i've been here for years, and i will die here. I'm a lost cause but please, don't give up on me, don't leave my in my darkness, be my nightlight? anyway. Third thing: my mind is disturbed, dark, overwhelming. I have a habit of getting into my own head. I don't exactly find joy in my life, but what teenager does. So in my head, i've created another life, one where i am happy and i have friends who love me for everything and can bring me down from sick highs and up desperate lows. I can create people. I manage to convince others that the place i go to when i daydream is real, that those people are out there somewhere, looking for me like i am looking for them. Fourth thing: Most of the time i feel completely and utterly alone. I feel like no one cares, that i am a brother and a nuisance, that they don't like me. I hate being alone but there are a few times i wish for it, i wish i was sitting by the oak tree on the old swing, by myself, away from everything. There are times i am A-Okay with being alone. Just so you know; I don't lust for the sense of abnormality or the feeling of separation from my humanity. I will still be a wolf pulling the wool over my eyes, trying to fit in with the rest of the sheep, but I still need the companionship, someone to tell me i'm doing alright, that i'm not a failure, that i make them proud, that they are happy they met me. I found that my greatest friend is the sky, and yeah you might be thinking, "okay this chick finds companionship with the sky? CRAZY!" but think about it. The sky has its own emotions, when it is sad it turns grey and cries, or when it's exasperated it screams and sends down furious lights and loud roars to voice its anger. It is loving with pink and purple sunsets. It is happy with sunny days. I might be crazy, that's comply possible but i find my best friend is the sky. I've sort of gone off track please don't be mad at me, this is just a rant. Thank you for listening, i feel a lot better, you make me feel better. Be my fellow wolf? let's hide in the sheep.