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oktorpg · 10 months ago

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Partners in Crime – Book 3 – Chapter 5 - Storyline 10 – Together

〄 ꜱᴛᴏʀʏʟɪɴᴇ - 10

Partners in Crime

╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @LittleBirdRey & @ToldUIdSurvive

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3: ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴀʏ ɪꜱ ᴜ

╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: 5 ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

•— Raven —•

“You know what… I feel like being nice today.”

•— John —•

"What are you plotting?"

•— Raven —•

“Me? Plotting? As if I would?” Smirks.

“Also, why aren’t you offering to help? And you call yourself my friend.”

•— John —•

“Please!! We all know when it comes to plotting, I am the genius! You are the one that needs to make my crazy ideas possible!”

•— Raven —•

“Excuse Me!!” Poking him in the chest with narrowed eyes. “Correct me if I’m wrong, however I’ve had a big hand in the last two or three plots we worked on!”

•— John —•

“You did… but like I said…. My plots… your genius inventions! I’ll split the credit 50/50.” Holding out my hand to seal the deal.

•— Raven —•

My eyes linger on the outstretched hand. I shook my head. “More effort goes into the execution of a plan. 80/20 sound better from where I stand.”

•— John —•

I tilted my head, like I might be pondering her offer. “60/40?” I countered with a smirk.

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head slowly, biting my lips. “70/30. If you ask nicely.”

•— John —•

I swallowed… what the… my heart did a thing. And I felt like I would give her anything she wanted at that moment. But that would give me away.

“65/35” I pressed leaning form added a little, turning light blue eyes up to her.

•— Raven —•

“Deal!” Reaching out I took his hand in mine. Shaking it before he changed his mind.

“I would have giving the last offer if you pushed, Watcher! I win!” Winking at him with a shoulder nudge.

•— John —•

“Did you though?” I raised a single brow? “You accepted my offer… sooooo don’t I win?”

•— Raven —•

Dropping his hand to wave his outlandish claim off. “Yes, yes I did. I’m not a novice, John. I know when a deal is ready for negotiation and when to call it.”

•— John —•

I gasped, loud and dramatic! “You took advantage of me!?! I’m horrified!!” My very poor attempt at not laughing failed miserable.

“So who are we prancing today?”

•— Raven —•

“You’ll get over yourself.” Rolling my eyes at him, with a lick of my lips. I pointed to the door with the window in the middle of it.

“We are not prancing. More like…” tapping my chin as I thought. “Making things fun.” On the other side of the door say Harper and Luna’s class of children of all ages. “There is a box of the ice cream to make up for whatever we do.”

•— John —•

I tilted my head looking at her…. “Okay fine…. But after the we can do a real prank right?” I couldn’t play a joke on those kids; they had been through so much…

“Maybe we try make a game of leaning some of the Tek on board. I know a lot of the grounders are struggling with lights and even doors. Kids pick up these things faster.”

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my hands together. “I knew you would be the perfect partner in crime for this. And yeah. That’s sounds pretty good to me.”

Waving my hand towards the door. “I was thinking about a light show in the observation room. However, learning is the more important thing to do.”

•— John —•

“That would be a good reward… something for them to look forward too if they work hard?” I smiled… going even if they didn't work at all she would still do it. “I know most of the kids are well-recovered, but this place is still very strange to them… showing them it can be pretty, and fun could go a long way to helping when it's time to go to cryo.”

•— Raven —•

Biting on my lips I let my eyes moved away from John. How did this guy always hit the nail on the head? “Uhmm… yeah… yes. Of course.” Shifting off one foot to the other.

“Some part of me feels guilty.” Blurting it out. “You know, they had a life on the ground. They were allowed to be kids. But here… we are going to freeze them in time. I feel like I’m going to steal their childhood or something.” My logic mind knew the truth, however my heart… it had another story to tell.

•— John —•

“Raven… a lot of these kids lived in poverty, or started working the land as soon as they could hold a rake.” I told her. “They would be dead on the ground... And not because of us… Because of the toxic death traps humans built 100 years ago. Here, they are medicine. Their families… and soon they'll go to sleep, safe and warm.

They won't know hunger, or rationing…. Solar flare hideouts, or water shortages. Then…when they walk up, they will be home. And it will feel like the blink of an eye. They'll all still be the same age; they won't lose a moment of innocence.” I stepped closer to her. “You might feel like they are losing time… but it's not true… it's just because you'll be watching them through the glass.”

I knew she wouldn't go into cryo. She would stay and make sure everyone was safe. “But to them… no time will pass. And I'll be right there. On the other side of the glass with you. The whole time.”

•— Raven —•

“It’s cold…” the words came out without a thought. “The Cryo… it’s cold… not warm.” Swallowing back the floods of emotions which rared its head out of nowhere.

Of course, I knew John told the truth, but guilt came with no rhyme, nor reason. It liked to sit on my chest free of charge.

And then it hit me. “What did you say?” Frowning a little. “Why aren’t you going in?” Lowering my voice so I didn’t disturb the class of children.

“John why wouldn’t—“ it hit me. Why would he? The realisation did not stop the anxiety of what it would mean if he didn’t go in with the rest.

“John….??”

•— John —•

“Oh…” I mean I knew that but… “They… um… won’t feel the cold, will they?” I knew that too. I mean, they weren’t literally frozen… I didn’t understand the science, but I knew that much.

“I can’t, Raven… I just… I’ll make myself useful. I will but don’t ask me to go in there if…” I stopped myself from saying -if you’re not.-

“Besides… do you really think I will let you have years on me? You’re already smarter than me. I won’t let wield age over me too.” I laughed.

Would it truly create an age gap between us? It wasn’t something I prepared to risk... The few days I had lost her were like a living hell. She would live a life for five years while I slept. I wouldn't even know her when I woke up. Wed be strangers again.

•— Raven —•

How was I going to break this down? First glancing around, because I didn’t need an audience.

“We don’t have enough sedation for everyone.” Keeping my voice low. The children will be the first to be given it, so that their experience is as smooth as possible. Then the clans heads are assigned to tell us who is likely to need what is left.” Rubbing my forehead, I shifted to rest my shoulder on the cold metal wall. “This is something they are trying to work out in the council room. Well. One of the things.”

Dropping my gaze to the floor I sighed “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to John. I’ve learnt my lesson when it comes to that. However, I need to you understand what you are asking. The fact that everyone but a skeleton crew will be sleeping. Dreaming I hope of a new world where we can make better choices. Be better people. They will all be waiting for this world… and five years…. It’s an incredible amount of time to be left with your thoughts up here.”

His mental health had to come first. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. And I promise not to hold my wisdom and years over you.” Half smiling, I gave him a nudge.

•— John —•

I shuddered. Not at the idea that there wasn’t enough sedation… grounders were tough they would handle it. As long as the kids were looked after. It was the dreaming… five years locked in my head with my monsters? I’d rather float myself…

I knew she would be there… or I hoped… who would she be by then? Who would stay awake with her? Would they be her family? Would she fall in love?

My heart squeezed. “You’d be a stranger.” I blurted out…. “Five years… you… it’s…” I stopped and took a breath. “There aren’t a lot of people that ever cared about me… or that I cared about. I can’t… I couldn’t… wake up and they won a care about the most was a stranger… how..” I stammered. “And what if….” I stopped. What if she was right and we dreamed for five whole years. Five years in hell, running, dying alone, watching her die again and again.

“I need to be on that crew, Stargazer.”

•— Raven —•

My feet took me towards the shadows in the corridor. I could have him witness the entire scene on my face while he spoke, and my emotions made themselves knows.

My heart sank at the thought of becoming a stranger to him. But wouldn’t that be true for them all? Everyone who went to sleep?

“What about Emori, of Luna. You know they need you to be there for them too. I’m not worth giving up time for John.” Hearing him use the Nick name he himself gave to me, made something in my stomach twist.

“I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t feel is correct. I just….” Tugging at the ponytail on my head. “I just need you to understand the meaning of staying awake. Of the responsibilities on your shoulders, what if something goes wrong ? What if you and I mess up and fight, and you never want to see me again?” the fact came as I said it. If he came to ask me to put him to sleep. I would do it for him. No questions asked.

•— John —•

I wasn’t sure #Luna would be willing to let herself be put under… #Emori? Maybe. She was a survivor. But she might just choose family after the regrets of choosing the leave the island.

“I don’t know for sure what they will want when the time comes.” I admitted. “But I know what I want. And it not just because if terrified of those tiny little coffin….” I shuddered. Then, I can out and said it. “I want to be where you are… I want to work on all my shit…” I rubbed at the side of my head. “And be the person I thought I was becoming on the island, before we back down there. I see him more clearly when you’re around.” Then I chuckled.

“But if you think we’ll last 5 years without a fight? You’re delusional. But…” I closed some of the space she made between us. “There’s no world where I never wanna see you. You are a lot of… fun…” I quirked a brow. “… to look at.”

•— Raven —•

My heart in my chest did something, as did my stomach. Because he wanted to be with me. He was picking something no one had done since….. pushing that thought away before I needed to think it to the end. Rolling my eyes, which I was certain he couldn’t see. I slapped him up the side of his head.

“And you were doing so well there, Watcher. Had me thinking you were all feels… but then you’re a teasing little shit.” However, I closed the rest of the space hugging him. Hiding my face from him. “You’re an arse.” Then curious to ask.

“This isn’t because of the island and boat thing. You are going for a long nap isn’t the same thing… and we are over that misstep in our friendship John.”

•— John —•

I laughed; I knew I had broken her tension. I rubbed my head where she slapped me... not because it hurt. She hadn't laid a hand on me to cause me pain since the night she split my lip, and subsequently promised to never hurt me again.

Then she hugged me, and I was frozen. I hugged her back after two heartbeats. She smelled like she always did, like machine oil and sparks... like home.

"No, it's not about that, it's about this." I squeezed her "It's about family..." Maybe the other would choose this too? I thought to myself. "I think this is how I heal, Stargazer. On the island, there were... less people. People I learned to trust. Maybe whatever crew stay awake... I can learn to trust too. But I need you... to call me on my bullshit and remind me to do better. And I really, really... need to know you're alive."

•— Raven —•

Something tightened in my chest. His letter flashed before my eyes where he asked me to stay alive.

Shaking my head, I pulled back and mustered up the courage to smile. “Okay. So It’s for our small dysfunctional family. This I can get myself behind.”

Still hoping he wouldn’t ever end up regretting making this choice. “And if you are mad at me, the ships big enough for you to never have to see me.” Squeezing his shoulders.

“Okay. So.” Looking around “Brains of the Universe. What are we going to do for a little fun for the kids?”

•— John —•

I smiled, still holding onto her... and wondering how long was too long.

"Yeah, that... and maybe more selfishly for myself. I think this is my chance to... get my head on straight." I put a small amount of distance between us, enough to see her face "#Luna has already agreed that the next time we fight she will lock us in a room until it's fixed or there's only a single survivor."

I let go of her when she reverted to her plan for the kids. "I think the first thing to do is maybe teach them what not to do.... like accidentally opening an airlock."

•— Raven —•

His eyes, those deep-sea blue eyes. They ones I’d seen so much in has lost some of their brightness, however I was determined to bring it back.

“As long as it is my cabin, or work space we will be fine. You know I’m all about the multi-tasking when I’m angry.”

Breaking a hug wasn’t how I did things. I licked to give the other person the time they needed before pulling away. But the sliding sound of door behind us caught my attention.

‘Hello you two. What do we owe the pleasure too?’ #Harper stood there what a child on her finger and a smirk.

•— John —•

“Hell no!!” I laughed. “Neutral ground… you already have an advantage… I’m not adding all your tools into that as well." The door opened too soon, Raven was doing that thing where she was watching my eyes and that, of course, meant was staring.

Then Harper was there, and my face burned like a child caught sneaking out during their station's sleep cycle.

I cleared my throat. "Um..." I looked at Raven. "We thought we have the world's greatest and possibly only mechanic... Give the kids a crash course in how this place works."

•— Raven —•

“Hey! I’m not doing it all by myself!” Smacking him up the side of his head before letting go to turn and face #Harper.

Her eyes lingered on John and then me, and back again. “Harper? What do you think?” Clicking my fingers to gain her attention.

‘Oh. Yeah. A field trip should good. We should plan it out first right? Make sure the place is safe for the little ones?’ Pointing to the young one on her finger.

“Between all four of us, and I’m sure we could ask others to help next time too, we should mange it. What do you think Watcher?”

•— John —•

“Really? What do you have against my hair?” I teased dragging my fingers through it. “I mean it’s kids how hard can it be?” #Harper’s eyebrow quirked. I figured that meant very.

‘They are good kids. But they hardly speak any English…’ Harper explained.

“Consider me your trusty translator.” She gave me another look. “I might not be as good as #Clarke but I can speak Trig.” I told her.

‘Oh I know that… but… how do I know you won't fill their heads with mischief? Because I hardly speak any’

I smirked. “I’ll make that easy too. I absolutely will fill their heads with mischief.”

I walked into the room, recognizing many of the kids. “Yungon Kru!” (young one clan) I called to them. “Gada raun hir.” (gather around) I held out my arms like a Shepherd herding his flock and they gathered. Sitting in the floor around me. They were fascinated by a Skaikru speaking their language. “Finally.” I sighed, smiling at the two women. “The respect I deserve.”

Harper muttered something, grinning.

•— Raven —•

‘Of course, he is at home with the children.’ #Harper muttered to me as the two of us stood beside one another watching John take centre stage for his first performance on the ship.

“Don’t knock the free help here, he is giving you a break from the madness.” She was smiling and shrugged her shoulders.

‘You know Rey, I’ve trained to be a perfect marksperson. They put a gun in my hand, and I took to it. But this.’ Lifting her chin towards the kids. ‘This gives me peace… you know?’ And I did. I understood what she must feel. “Maybe this is why I keep looking for ways to help these children? To make up for some of the bad I’ve done on their world.”

We both were smiling now. Watching from the sideline, Harper proud of the kids, and me proud of the Watcher.

•— John —•

I spotted #Dela in the group and grinned, looking over to see if Raven had seen her yet. She was looking good. Her eyes were still dark and her skin a little pale, but she seemed to have as much energy as all the other kids.

Rey was talking quietly with Harper.

I explained in Trig to the children that we were going to take a little walk around the ship and stopped…#Dela was Trishanakru… they had led the anti-tek attacks in Polis.

I walked back to the two women. “#McIntyre… do you know how many of these kids are Trishanakru?”

I couldn't help but worry. Dela’s father had been kind to me when I helped his daughter. Would we start a conflict with them teaching this to the children?

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I both turned to face John at the same time.

‘Trishanakru.. Uhm… yeah, we have six in the room right now. The others aren’t really allowed to come yet. Luna is working on it.’

She turned her attention to the room point them out as she spoke. ‘We have Dela….’ I could hear another word. My eyes found the little girl who I had carried onto this ship. Her smile found me, and she came running over. Opening my arms for her I held on to her for dear life. She was my saving, Grace. The one thing I had gotten right in so long. She was still a little pale, weak, however full of life.

Emotions filled my with a lump in my throat, tightening in my chest. But I knew. They were of the good kind.

When I asked her how she was, the girl began to tear up.

‘I…I.. kiss you?’ I stood stunned. ‘Miss…’ #Harper corrected. ‘I missed you.’ She smiled at #Dela. The girl nodded her head, saying again slowly to ensure it was correct.

I beamed with pride. “Yu dig mou snap.” (You learnt fast). Combing her hair off her face. “I missed you too.” Smiling I remembered Johns question. “Why are you asking about Dela’s kru?”

•— John —•

I counted the number of kids in the room… six from TrishanaKru… that was likely a majority… but that made no sense. With clothes being shared, especially for the children (the prison uniforms weren’t an option) and with every tribe came in all colours and shapes (even if a few did have a clear majority of skin colour.) The girls all were too young to need to cover their hair if they were Sangedakru and they were all too young to have any tribal markings or identifying tattoos.

“Six…” I muttered. “That makes no sense.”

I chuckled at #Dela’s mixed-up words… but she was learning. “You have a fan, Stargazer.” I said to Raven quietly.

Then I stepped closer to the girls, sticking to English now. “#Illian was Trishanakru and he led all of the Tek raids in Polis after the City of Light fell… they are or at least, were… anti-tek… but up here… #Dela’s father is the elder… an if he has encouraged parents to send the kids here…. Maybe…” I trailed off… trying to figure this out. “We don’t want to cross any lines and hurt the chance of the Clan working with us.”

I got down to #Dela’s level. “Chit don yu Nontu tell yu op hasta komb’ir raun hir?” (What did your father tell you about coming here.)

#Dela looked a little nervous. “En’s ku, Dela. Osir jos gaf gon tich yo hasta…” (it’s okay, Dela. We just want to) Shit! There was no Trigedasleng word for spaceship…. I looked up at the others… Raven learned her Trig from me and #Luna. I wished the Zen Master was here.

‘Skaidon?’ #Dela provided. ‘Luna Kom Flokru tag on….’ She motioned all around us with large movements. ‘Skaidon-de’ (Skyboat? Luna of the Boat People calls this the sky boat.)

I told her; Yes, we want to teach the children about the sky boat. And she explained to me that her father told her to learn everything Skaikru taught them because they knew more about our new home.

Then I came back to the two women again. “Dela said Delano told them all to learn anything we can teach them. I think he’s more open-minded than the previous leadership. I think we should do it.”

•— Raven —•

“I’m a bloody rockstar. You are the only one who doesn’t drop at my feet, Watcher.” #Harper coughed to hide her laughter at the two of us.

My own attention moved to the small girl and how she looked while speaking with John. I could pick up the gist of the conversation, however felt a little lost too.

“Delano? Why would he stop us?”

#Delano, #Dela’s had been a kind man. Someone is spoken to a few times now. He was thrust into a position of leadership for his people who had followed him and his wife onto the carrier that day of evacuation. #Dela’s mother had pleaded for help, her daughter lay dying in their - arms. Just the reminder of the day made my stomach churn.

#Dela slipped her small hand into mine and I didn’t hesitate to close my fingers around it. If she needed my touch right now. I would give it. “Delano is a kind man, and he’s seen what we can do to help his people.” Smiling down at the girl. “He came to the med bay and stayed by his daughters side. He was watching, learning, and listening. I can’t see anything wrong with the child’s learning about where they are living now.”

The way #Harper glanced around the room and then to John told me I was romanticising my outlook at little?

‘I don’t know guys, John’s making a good point. What if we take it in small groups? Leave the TrishanaKru children until Luna is back?’

“Also, not a bad thing I guess.” My attention was back on John again. “Why did you say this didn’t make any sense? Before. When Harper told you there are six kids here?”

•— John —•

“I know… But under #Delano’s leadership, the Clan are opening up a little more.” I said to her. I couldn’t help but be stunned that #Harper was taking me seriously. That wasn’t anything against #Harper, she and I never had any real issues. In lock-up, I may have made a few inappropriate comments to her… playing up to the crowd, but she never seemed to hold it against me. It was simply the fact that anyone was taking me seriously… #Emori had been the first and then Raven and #Luna… I thought that #DrGriffin had started to as well… but I had just been the most convenient person for the job she needed done.

“I feed all of these people… I know exactly how many children are on this ship… there are thirteen clans. Trishanakru has nine minors… three are teenagers. So essentially all their kids are here. Maths isn’t my strong suit but based on the number of kids in the room… it’s a huge majority. It’s like the clan has made a complete U-turn in their opinions of Skaikru.”

•— Raven —•

#Harper’s eyes were on me; I could feel them so when I met them it wasn’t a surprise to see the shock. All I could do was shrug my shoulders to say, ‘Yeah, it’s him… John Murphy… stepping up and taking notice.’

We turned our attention back to him, well… #Harper did, mine moved to the room and the children.

“But are they really?” Lifting my chin to the room. “There isn’t much tech in here. It’s not even a real class room.” I’d been here a few times now, helping #Luna and #Harper when I could. Being around the hustle and bustle of the youngsters gave me a sense of purpose and peace.

“Luna tells then stories, she’s kinda good at it, and Harper here plays with them. Teaching them some of our language and learning theirs.” I could feel her nodding. ‘Luna and I gather things from around the ship we feel could be of help to them. So, they aren’t completely lost. However, we don’t force them to go against their clans in any way. It’s kinda one of the main reasons some of the children aren’t allowed to come. Luna says we need to build trust, not betray it.’ #Dela let go of my hand and run off to play with some of her friends, making my heart dance. “But I see where John is coming from. Six out nine children… that’s a high percentage.”

#Harper shifts towards John. ‘What am I missing. I still don’t understand why it’s worrying. Isn’t that a good thing?’

•— John —•

I looked around the room again. Okay, so they have a point… there's not a lot of technology in here. Would a prison ship have a classroom? Should I ask or was that a stupid question? No… it was definitely a stupid question.

I smiled at the mention of #Luna’s storytelling. “I mean… not much else to do on an oil rig in the middle of the ocean.” I chuckled fondly.

“You’re right… it is a good thing… I think.” I dragged my hand through my hair. Now my mind was racing with so many other thoughts now. My distrustful nature was sneaking back in. #Delano is a good man… isn’t he? I had thought the same about #Bellamy once and he hung me…

“No… Yeah… It’s a good thing. Hopefully, the rest of the clans will follow suit.” I said. “Okay… come on. Let’s do this thing. See what happens.”

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I exchanged looks once again. I knew him was clearly holding something back. And I could see from the look #Harper gave she thought the same. The question was should I push him to just say what he was thinking, or do I wait for him to feel comfortable enough to say it by himself?

This friendship had just come back to some form of stability, and I was ashamed to admit to myself I didn’t want to rock the boat.

Telling myself John would tell me if he felt it was important. But then a part of me wanted him to just say whatever was on his mind. Not to hold back. And I knew it would take time.

‘What are we doing? This was your brain wave.’ #Harper questions.

“We were thinking it would be a good idea to show the children the rest of the ship. Where they can go, where not to go because of danger.

You know safety measures.” I told her, still stealing gazes at John.

•— John —•

I saw the way Raven glanced at #Harper… Could she see the anxiety underlying my thoughts? I could tell her later without Harper and several sets of ears listening in. Damn… Was I so paranoid that I thought one or more of these children were faking not speaking Gonasleng? Fuck!

No… #Delano is a good guy.

Right?

“Why don’t we take a walk and then anything you guys think is relevant we can stop and explain?” I looked between the two women… kids and lessons weren’t exactly my strong suit… but at least for this lone afternoon I was useful, I could translate.

It might only be for a few hours but feeling useful again… felt good.

•— Raven —•

“Let’s do this.” Rubbing my hands together with a smile.

“Right, who’s up for an adventure?” I asked in trig, and got it so wrong that;

1) the kids looked at me confused.

2) they whispered to one another. And 3) they slowly burst out in laughter. However, it didn’t cause me embarrassment nor that uncomfortable feeling. I just laughter with them too.

“Opps…” loud whispering to John. “What in hells did I just say to them?”

#Harper began gathering the youngest of the children, guiding them toward the door however not opening it just yet. Finding myself watching her I couldn’t help but wonder how life would have been for her if choices were allowed and circumstance hadn’t changed her path.

“You’re so good with them Harper. And they really like you. I can tell.”

•— John —•

I chuckled a little at the mispronunciation. “You just ask if they wanted to get cooked.” I pinched my brows and tried to control my expression from teasing her. “Wom op… is to cook. And wona of is adventure or…” I tilted my head because as far as I knew there wasn’t actually a Trig word for adventure. “Exploring. But you were close… on pronunciation at least.” I reached out and touched her arm, without thinking… like it was the most normal thing in the world to do.

It should have been hard to reconcile the expert marksman that was #HarperMcIntyre with the Harper McIntyre in front of me now. Making children who could barely understand her smile, laugh, and follow instructions… But it wasn’t, it seemed like the perfect fit for her. I repeated what Raven had tried to say, in Trig, and the kids all looked up at us excitedly. I leaned into Raven and whispered because I didn’t want to steal #Harper’s thunder.

“Hey, looks like I’m pretty good at this too.” I smirked.

•— Raven —•

“I know you are, who knows… maybe you’ve found another calling without expecting too?” The way these kids reacted to both these people had to be astounding. #Harper and John? Children whispers? Who would have thought, not me that’s who!

#Harper asked me to stand at the door, for John to stand in the middle about foot feet away from me, and she took the back with the last two kids.

Telling them to stay in the line, to hold the hands of their, ‘Buddy’ and to look after on another.

“Damn Harper, is it wrong that I’m a little turned on by the school teacher thing happening here?” Waggling my eyebrows, I shook my shoulders trying to tease her. And it worked, her cheeks and ears turned a Beet red making me laugh so hard.

“Okay Crew, you are the young officers of this ship, and it is your responsibility to know and understand how to keep safe and look after those who cannot help themselves. So, let’s go and see what we can find!”

Opening the door, I turned to smile at John. “Hey Watcher, do you want to take the lead in exposing and explaining it all? My trig is No-way as good as yours.”

•— John —•

I laughed so hard I snorted. “Nope!” I shook my head vehemently. “Rare occasions like this are fine… but when it comes to kids; I’m a small doses kinda guy.” I shuddered remembering the few days I was forced to spend in the care centre after my mother died.

“Damn, Reyes… who knew you were into blondes.” I chuckled.

I translated everything Raven said as best I could… taking up the position that #Harper asked me to as we filed out the door. I looked at Raven when she asked me to take the lead. “Um…” I looked at the kids and then around the ship… I had no idea how any of this stuff worked beyond the most basic function.

“I wouldn’t even know what was worth pointing out or not… How about you point, I translate… and if I think there’s anything else worth telling them about you can help tell me how it works?” I raised a brow. “You know… teamwork and all?”

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes, “if only you knew all my kinks Watcher.�� A mischievous grin on my face.

‘Rey! Children! John Do Not Translate that for them.’ #Harper shook her head and still smiled with a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Okay… okay… we can do this. Team work.” Team works my arse… I knew where my strengths lay, and giving kid a tour wasn’t up in that list.

I was the nerd, the overachiever who thrived on knowing the consequences of all the action I planned to take. But this one? Well, it’s becoming clear I didn’t think it through at all.

Taking my jacket off, I wrapped it around my waist. Pulled and tugging at my braid trying to cool off my neck.

“Okay. Let’s head starboard, we can go to see the main deck. The main deck is where we pilot this ship from. Even if we are standing still right now. However, you can see the views of the stars from there.”

Walking ahead I felt a small hand lacing its way into mine. #Dela smiled up at me and I squeezed her to reassure both of us.

•— John —•

I help my hands out to #Harper in an 𝕆𝕙 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 gesture. “Oh, c’mon! Even I’m not that stupid.” I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Like I would air her kinks so openly when I could save them for use as blackmail later.” I laughed. #Harper gave me a look like she would wallop me if she was close enough… even with the prying eyes of all the kids here.

Raven said starboard… I wasn’t unfamiliar with the word. I knew it meant a side of the ship… port and starboard, left and right… but which one was which? Was there a Trig word for starboard? My mind boggled while I tried to figure out if it was left or right. A cough came from behind me as we all followed Raven like little ducks in a row. I heard a cough from behind me that sounded like the word “Right.” I flashed #Harper an appreciative smile over my shoulder.

“Rasad.”(Right) I said out loud… but then stopped and translated the whole sentence Rey had said. I shrugged at her. “I don’t know ship words.” I chuckled but I made a note to ask #Luna later. #Emori might know either; she knew her way around a vessel… but not like The Zen Master did.

•— Raven —•

“Personal note, punch him in the arm. Just for the fun of it and payback.” Of course, I wouldn’t. The promise I made him and myself never to hit him again wouldn’t allow me, (not even as a joke.)

Listening to John translate, I felt a little impressed at him and myself. Who knew we could be a good team when it came to talking to the young ones.

“Crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you use your two brain cells. I’ll keep it simple from here.” Pointing to the corridor, coming up to our right. “We will be going right here. However, if you look ahead.” Pointing to the closed doors. “This is where the security room on this floor is situated. If you ever feel unsafe, or need help, or are lost, there will always be someone in there who will be willing to assist you.” As I say the words, the doors slide open to reveal #Nate and #Jasper coming out.

‘Hey… what’s going on here?’ #Jasper asked in a singsong voice. ‘Is there a party we didn’t get an invite to?’ Winking at the kids. The youngest of the group holding #Harper’s hand hid behind her. All we could see were green eyes from behind Harper’s leg.

‘There you go scaring that little ones, Jordan.’ #Nate rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t worry, he scares me too.’ He bent down and smiled at the kids.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes at her. “Hey, you’re the one in need of my mad skills! Sorry if my brain cells are full because I learned an entire language in the span of a few months.” I rubbed it in.

“Dison hir bilaik faswogeda-de.” (This is the security room.) I translated for her… then continued with everything else she said.

I moved to the back of the line while one of the boys at the front traced the Ark logo on #Nathan’s shoulder. I asked the little girl hiding behind #Harper.

‘Gona.’ (Soldier) She whispered, pointing at the guys.

“Nou.” (No) I told her, offering her my hand. “Emo… Bloka. Chilkepa. Emo kep oso klir.” (They are Guards. Peacekeepers. They keep all of us safe.)

The girl finally took my hand and came with me to the front of the line. “Naithon… Jaspa…”

‘Bloka?’ She looked at me and I nodded. Then she touched Nathan’s shoulder too. ‘Kep oso klir.’

‘What did you tell her?’ #Nate asked.

“She thought you were a soldier… Gona… I told her you were a Guard or a Peacekeeper.” I wasn’t really sure that he would like that, but we need these kids to know that we weren’t their enemy, or their jailers.

#Jasper grinned. ‘Clever.’

“Not just a pretty face.” I grinned at him. Then I turned to all the kids and asked them in trig to repeat the words after me in English. Guard and Security Room.

•— Raven —•

Both #Harper and I found ourselves witnessing a gentle side to the boys. We hadn’t had the opportunity or the chance to need it before. However, when push came to shove here, they were.

#Jasper moved into the fray of things, showing the kids how to juggle pens! “Jas, you will have one of their eyes out with those things flying in the air!”

‘Nope, it’s all in the skill of my fingers.’ He wiggled them in the face of a child making then laugh. Causing me to roll my eyes and laugh all at once. “If you harm one of them, you’ll have to answer to Luna.” This made him stop.

‘Party pooper, Rey.’

‘Okay, okay.’ Clapping her hands to gain the attention of everyone. #Harper pointed to the corridor on the right. ‘We should keep moving, less questions that way.’ “Good point, well made.”

Thanking #Nate and #Jasper, because of them all the children seemed more relaxed.

•— John —•

I was preoccupied with the kids and #Jasper’s show. But I still noticed the attention the girls paid to us and not just the kids. She gave me that nickname for a reason after all. But Rey was smiling, I never knew she liked kids so much… then again, maybe she didn’t either.

Children were rare on the Ark, most of us were only around kids when we actually were kids.

The kids seemed to understand the request to move on easily. “They really are picking up on English fast.” I said the Harper and Raven as they led the way. I chuckled thinking of the Skaikru members that refused to make any effort to learn Trigedasleng. A superiority complex was the real enemy of survival.

“Where next captain?” I asked Raven at the head of the line of chattering children. It was strange that she was so relaxed working with a large of children around a century-old spaceship.

•— Raven —•

“Captain? Are you trying to promote me without a hint of negotiation, John Murphy?” Pointing ahead. “Let’s go this way.”

This wasn’t on my list of things to do today, but it wasn’t selfless. These children needed out, to feel some freedom, they weren’t made to be locked away unlike us. We knew what it meant to be confined. We did it without a question (well mostly. Maybe. Okay fine. We were bad at it too. However, not the point I was making to myself!)

Great! Now I was fighting with myself internally!

‘Are you okay Ray?’ #Harper called from the back. When I turned to see all those eyes on me.

“All good here. I’m still thinking we head to the main deck; the bridge is where we flight this ship from, the windows—” cutting off mid thought.

“Shit!” Shaking my head. “Don’t translate that, John!” Keeping my voice even. “I didn’t think this through.” Shit… shit… shit….

“Air locks… let’s go to the lower decks, show the children the works of this place, I’ve been working on the transport ship.” How could I be so single minded! Foolish!

•— John —•

I laughed. “The last thing you need is an ego boost like that. And I think our fine Lieutenant…” The word was filled with sarcasm. “Would be very put out by that.”

I stopped when Rey mentioned the main deck… Wouldn’t we need permission for that? I knew Raven could come and go as she pleased, but surely it was off-limits. It was probably a great thing to show the kids though, but maybe we could see if it was something we could do another day.

Raven was kind of freaking out… my brow pinched as I watched her. But I didn’t want to ask her what was wrong in front of #Harper and the kids. “Okay… I won’t…” I assured her.

“Airlocks it is…” I kept my eyes on her. There was always a constant sense of unease when I didn’t know if she was okay or not. I told the kids to follow her and looked for an opportunity to ask her what was going on inside that head of hers.

•— Raven —•

Now my mind flew through this plan we came up with. I came up with. Was it really a good idea? Should we be walking these around a ship that wasn’t even ours?

Then again, seeing the change in the children after seeing Nate and Jasper it was worth it. So, this was right. I needed to stop second guessing myself.

“Okay… I know it’s not much to look at but trust me when I say that this ship is full of exciting surprises that are beautiful. Pressing a code into the security doors for them to open. “These doors are in place to keep each part of the ship safe in case of an emergency.” Tapping the heavy doors as I walked by.

‘Rey, we need to work on your idea of what is an exciting surprise for a child.’ #Harper called out from the back.

“What do you mean? This is good stuff I’m showing.” Okay, maybe I needed to work on how to make others as excited about these things?

Feeling a tug on my hand my hazel eyes dropped to the small boy. Leaning down when he motioned, he whispered in my ear in trig. I’d picked up enough to know he needed a bathroom.

“We are going to make a small detour.” There was a small officer den ahead of us.

Once at the door, I pushed in the Mater code waiting as the doors slid apart. “Bathroom break, if anyone wants to go, come on in.” Walking the boy in, he stopped outside the door of the bathroom hopping from foot to foot, however he wouldn’t go in.

“It’s okay. It is safe in there.” I told him. Opening the door to show him.

•— John —•

The kids were distracted, looking around at the ship. I heard one of them ask why there weren’t any trees or grass. I was about to translate the question for Raven when #Harper spoke. “I mean… Sure they need to have fun.” I interjected. “But the kids need to learn that they should steer clear of the airlocks too.”

#Harper seemed to pause for a moment. “It was different for us… we grew up around this stuff. These kids have no clue that stepping out into space can --- “ I made the universal Kill you motion.

‘You have a point.’ She admitted.

“Let’s let Raven do the nerd stuff and you and I figure out how to make it fun.” I said to her, and she nodded.

We detoured to the bathroom, and I was not about to take a bunch of little kids to do their business. “I’ll wait out here with the others.” I offered quickly before they could ask me to take the kids in there.

•— Raven —•

‘Oh, so you’ll help just not with the hard stuff, huh?’ I could hear #Harper teasing John before she came inside to join me as the children with me too turned to visit the restroom.

‘It’s so nice to see them happily using the bathrooms now. It’s took Luna a lot of exampling for them to stop thinking they would be endangered if they say on them.’

She elbowed my side to gain my attention. ‘Hey, are you okay?’ Lifting her chin to the door. ‘Out there before, you seem to have been…’ she didn’t need to say it, I knew what she meant.

“Yeah, not my finest hour.” Shaking my head stepping back to lean on the walk to take some of the pressure off myself. “I was thinking of taking them to see the views and experience the flight deck.”

‘Yeah, I know. I wasn’t there when we made the plan.’ She looked confused.

“Harper… the flight deck... it had a front row seat of their home… earth… which is being consumed and ravished by Praimfaya right now. I don’t want them seeing that… witnessing the end of the only home they know. That’s…” I shook my head.

‘Oh… shit…’ she whispered. And I nodded my head.

“I’m an idiot… what the hells was I thinking!”

•— John —•

I winked at #Harper. “You may be a sharp shooter #Harper but you aren’t quick enough on the draw!” I teased.

The girls disappeared into the bathroom with a few of the kids and in the meantime… I was left alone in the hallway with most of them. The kids asked me questions about Raven. I explained her job to them in Trig as best as I could until one of the children asked me where Skaikru’s children were.

I squatted down to their level and explained to them our clan only had one small child… the rest were older. They had a whole lot of questions about it. But I didn’t think that explaining to them that, most of them died in the sections on the ark that burned up when it crashed to earth or in the sections that didn’t land right. So I told them that living in space means you have limited space and food; so people were only allowed to have one child.

Then I asked them who had brothers or sisters. Some of them raised their hands and I knew by the looks on their faces that their sibling probably hadn’t been in Polis when they evacuated. It was unlikely that many of the siblings made it on board unless they were soldiers. Or one of the babies.

Then I explained to them that no one in Skaikru had brothers or sisters… other than the new Heda Okteivia… while I knocked on the door for the girls to hurry up.

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I stood in silence as we listened to John, a lot of what he said had been missed. However, the parts I could understand made it clear what the children were asking.

I told #Harper in a low voice what the topic of discussion was with a solemn look on my features, which she mirrored.

‘They haven’t asked me about this, unless Luna explained it, maybe?’

I shrugged my shoulders, “John speaks their language, they are relaxed now and maybe feel a connection?”

She scoffed. ‘We all know, John is a big kid.’ And I knew she said it to Lighten the heaviness in the room, however I shook my head.

“You know, Harper… in Becca’s time… you and I would have been classed as young ones too.”

With the last of the children washing their hands as #Harper has taught them; we heard the knock on the door from John. Opening it I smile. “You know better than to rush someone who needs to go, Watcher.”

Letting everyone out, and back into their line we began to walk towards the elevators. “Could you let them all know we are going to in this, and that it’s safe. I’ve tested them all now, so if they want to use them. They can around the ship?” I asked John.

•— John —•

I couldn’t hear much with the kids still asking questions and speaking to each other. I grinned up at her when she opened the door. “The questions were about to get really awkward out here.” I chuckled. “I needed the backup.”

I followed her to the elevator, and I started to explain it to them in Trig. “Disha hir Tagon Vieda.” (this is called an Elevator) Then I repeated the word in English, asking them all to say it. In trig again I told them, “This takes you up or down to all the different levels of the ship. One of the kids shouted out about the lift in the Commander's tower that was raised and lowered by a pulley system and two men.

“He wants to know if it's like the one in the Tower in Polis… it's kind of famous.” I told the two women with me... Mostly #Harper. Raven’s trig was getting better by the day. I told kids it was like that one, but this one was powered by machines, and it was very safe. I explained the button. “Gyon op.” For the up arrow and “Gyon daun.” For the down arrow. Then I exhaled.

“We might need to teach them how to recognise numbers, so they know if they need go up or down.” I said but I was mostly talking to myself.

‘Can you teach me to count in Trig? And then I can teach them?’ #Harper asked me like it was a perfectly normal thing to ask. I looked at her a little shocked that she would ever think I could teach anyone anything. She cleared her throat a little awkwardly. ‘I mean… you and #Luna could teach them… but you both have other duties, so I just thought…’ She brushed her hair behind her ear, only there was nothing to brush back because her hair was braided tightly around her head. ‘Never mind… Silly idea.’

Then I realised my expression was probably hard to read. “No… It’s not. In fact, it’s a good idea. I can definitely teach you and I’m sure Luna will help too when she can. It makes sense… you’re with these kids more than anyone. We should teach you the language.” I said, shifting my expression to a genuine one. #Clarke and #Kane had the best command of the language out of all of Skiakru but they were too busy to teach anyone anything. So, I didn’t see why #Luna and I couldn’t help. I was sure Emori would help too; she taught me most of what I knew.

•— Raven —•

New words for my trig vocabulary, my ears perked up while I pushed the code to keep the doors open for the elevator. The younger children at first felt a little dubious about the square box, while the older ones were excited, stepping on and off.

I could make out enough to know they spoke about the lift in the tower. I hadn’t seen it, because #Clark hadn’t let me on the missions taking place in those walls, I knew I’d slow them all down, so I didn’t push to go. I had other messes to clean up anyway.

When John confirmed my trail of thoughts I half smiled. “Okay. Come on young ones, it’s time to take a ride.”

It’s when I saw the exchange taking place between the other two ‘adults’ at the back. But I didn’t prying into their business. A few of the children joined me inside, some small one clanging onto #Harpers hands, and leg.

“Well, it’s going to be interesting to see how you move.” I told her.

‘John! It’s clear Rey isn’t going to help; please could you carry this little one and I’ll take the other.’ She handed the kid in her arms over to him. ‘Just go slow for them. This is all new for them all.’

“Why would I help?” Lifting my chin to all the children in the elevator with me. “Come on, we can’t go without you.”

•— John —•

A couple of the kids were still dubious of the lift; a few were clinging to #Harper for protection. I chuckled, Harper managed to waddle, shuffle, and drag her way into the lift with all bars two of the kids. I crouched to their level and asked them in trig if it was okay if I carried them into the Elevator. The boy pushed out his bottom lip and said he was afraid to go into the wall. The boy was clever… it looked like a wall before the doors opened. Especially if you had never seen one before.

“En’s nou wo… en’s…” I couldn’t call it a room really. “Vieda…” (It's not a wall, it’s… an elevator.) I explained.

I looked at Raven. “Close the door for a second, don’t go anywhere… just show them it opens again.” I had the kids watch as the door opened again. Their expressions relaxed a little more when the children reappeared. “Kom op?” (Coming up?) I asked the kids again and they let me pick them up and carry them into the lift. One on each hip… The taller child made my gait a little lopsided. #Harper was grinning at me.

“What?” I asked with pinched brows.

‘You’re kind of a sweetheart, John Murphy.’ She smirked.

“What? Ho—Wh—Where did you get that idea?” My face heated. Sweetheart? Ew… Me? Never!

‘You could have just picked them up whether they liked it or not, but you asked. That was sweet!” She smirked.

•— Raven —•

#Harper saw in John what #Luna and I knew for a while now. His attitude towards those who need his help had always been well hidden in plain sight.

He has been the same with me, to the point that I had punched him in his face, and in response he’d asked if I’d felt better. “He wouldn’t do that.” I answered for John. “He believes in giving the choice, and then follow even if he disagrees with the outcome.” Somewhat true, even if there were times when he hadn’t given me the option. But then again, my mind had been melting before his eyes.

So, he could be forgiven.

My attention moved towards #Dela as the elevator began, its descent. She whispered to those who were beside her to trust the three of us in trig. She then curled her small hand into mine smiling up at me. This did something to me. My heart fluttered with a warming feeling; one I hadn’t felt for a long while.

The bell like sound indicated we had arrived on the correct floor, frightening some of the passengers in the small box. “It’s okay… it’s an important sound. This sound tells us we have arrived on our chosen floor.” Pointing to the light above the door as they slide open right then.

•— John —•

I smiled at Raven... She was wrong. She was right too… In this case, getting these kids into an elevator wasn’t life and death. I looked at Raven in the distorted reflection of the lift doors. I had done it to her though… violated her trust and her personal space, drugged her… restrained her… all because I was trying to keep her alive, but I did it nonetheless. And somewhere deep inside I knew I would do it again, if I had to, if it would save her.

I wasn’t sure what that said about me.

The kid on my left… the smaller boy; flinched at the ping the lift made when the lift stopped and clung to me while I was distracted by watching Dela and Rey… the pair had clearly developed a bond, and I wondered if the child understood it was Raven’s actions that had made sure she’d gotten on this ship before the Death Wave took Polis. She had been so sick… and I had been trapped in the quarantined area because I was too sick from exposure too.

Tiny arms locked around my neck, and I got a face full of dark curls. “It’s okay kid…” On instinct, I spoke English. But this child was probably no more than three or four years old and normally only warriors learned English. He’d probably only heard the language here on the ship. I remembered how afraid I had been in the prison camp the first time I heard Trig… having no idea what they were saying unless they were interrogating me. So I comforted him in Trig but I had no free hands to offer any other kind of comfort.

The other child reached across and patted his back, telling him to be brave. The other boy's skin was deep, rich brown compared to the younger boy’s light freckled complexion… they likely weren’t even from the same village and here they were.. offering each other comfort.

When we stepped out of the lift, I stooped to let the boys down. The younger one tightened his grip around my neck. “Okay… Looks like you’re staying put.” The older boy climbed down but stayed close.

‘Wow…’ Monty laughed, appearing from wherever he had been working. ‘That’s a new look on you John Murphy.’

“Hey… I have many talents…” I glanced at the kids. “Apparently.” Then I immediately turned to search for Rey and Dela.

•— Raven —•

‘There’s nothing wrong with having hidden talents when it comes to these little monsters.’ He growled laughing.

Because as soon as the doors opened, and the children saw #Monty they rushed out towards him. He had come down to his knees catching them, wrestling with a few of the boys while the girls stayed waiting for John to disembark with the youngest one and then #Harper too.

‘Hi… They’ve missed your visited to the classroom.’ #Harper told him.

‘Hey.’ He smiled up at her. ‘Things have been crazy with the farm. I was on my way up now, but looks like you all have other plans?’

#Harper filled #Monty into why we were all coming down here, and the plan to show the children around the ship to help them adjust.

‘That’s a great idea, can I tag along? Another helping hand?’ He asked us all.

I smiled nodding my head down the corridor still stood in the elevator due to the commotion in the corridor before it. “Hells, yeah. More the merrier. And you can help with the nerdy stuff. I’m not exactly making this a fun trip.” Laughing my eyes met Johns, frowning a little my brows lifted in a silent question. Asking if he was, okay?

•— John —•

I moved closer to Raven as the kids swarmed to #Monty and #Harper filled him in on the day's plans with the little ones. She’d seen that moment of darkness in the lift. Of course, she had. This was Raven… somewhere along the line, she’d learned to tune into my carefully guarded tells. I swayed to one side, brushing my shoulder against hers, giving her a small smile that said; I’m Fine, or… maybe, Later … Both? I couldn’t be sure myself. But if she wanted to know where I’d gone for that moment, I would tell her… later. Just her. The brush of my arm against hers was easier… not plagued with that feeling of invading her space, no dark whispers telling me I had no right to be that close to her. It was simple, natural… like it had been at home… in the mansion. After our breakthrough when I was a friend not her unwanted nurse and before… before I destroyed us. But this was Raven Reyes; she’d never met a broken thing she couldn’t fix… and she had taken my hand. Taken it and held it while we slept.

So later… I could tell her. I was guilty of the things she said I wouldn’t do… I was sorry I had done them to her, But I would do it again in a heartbeat… to save her.

“Where to next captain?” I stifled a grunt as the kid on my hips started swinging his legs to get let down to join his excited friends and narrowly missed kicking me in a place I wanted very much not kicked! I set him down and he ran into the melee of tiny people.

•— Raven —•

My elbow nudged John right back, softly in reply, saying without speaking. ‘Okay… Later it is.’ Because I was done… I wasn’t going to let him walk alone. We were all going to be there to support one another from now on.

I heard the question and pointed up the corridor with a smile. “To the room of Magic of course, the only place where anything can be fixed.”

Both #Harper and #Monty nodded their agreement, and #Dela tugged on my hand telling me to hurry. She wanted to be in the middle of all the mayhem.

Leaning down I smiled. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” When I stood upright again, I saw her looking longingly towards the other children and then me. “Go on. Lead the way.”

When I glanced to my side, the shock of witnessing John’s near fatal accident made me wince. “Ouch… his foot was way too close… Rather you than me.”

Tugging on my ponytail, setting off behind the others.

•— John —•

I smiled at her; she got it… she knew there were only a small circle of people I shared things with. I wasn’t one to spill my thoughts in front of anyone. But I could tell her. I watched the way she looked at #Dela… encouraging her to go and mingle with the other kids. I wondered if it was hard for her. She had been in the med bay the longest of all the children. So, I wondered if had been hard for her to join this group after they’d begun making friends. It was something I had noticed in my short stay at the care centre… kids that age met someone and that same day they were best friends.

I chuckled at her… “Please you have laughed your arse off. The kid will understand that pain in about eight years.” I watched the kids again. “Do you think #Dela is adjusting to all of this?” I asked her as we walked towards the place where the magic supposedly happened. “She looks… healthy… maybe a little skinny but that can be fixed over time…” And who knew how skinny she was before she came on board? “But she looks… happy? As happy as you could expect at least, right?”

•— Raven —•

“Hells yeah, I’m not even going to attempt to lie. I would have been rolling on the ground with tears coming out of my eyes…. Only after I asked if you were okay, of course.” Nudging him with my elbow with a cheeky smirk.

My gaze followed his to that beautiful little girl, who has been to hell and back. I saw past her healing scars. Some which she would have for the rest of her life, and some which would wither away with time.

Bearing witness to Singh before us with #Dela hovering around the children playing and teasing #Monty, he noticed her and brought her into the medley of madness.

“She is strong, with a willing to keep fighting. It’s a testament to her standing here today. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But look at her… She will be fine.”

She was small for her age, or at least that was what #Abby had said. Then again, we could see all the kids were the same. Some more so than others.

“Harper was saying… she wants to stuff them full before we place them into Cryo. And I get it. It will help them. You know… I wish we could keep them up a little longer…”

•— John —•

I shook my head at her. “Harsh, Reyes. Harsh.” But I knew she would… and she might not even laugh. At least, not until a few hours later. Seeing people in pain wasn’t something she coped with easily. I watched the kids again; the youngest boy who had almost kicked me was weaving in and out of the crowd of them. I noticed #Harper watching him and #Dela even more closely.

I nodded, I understood where that was coming from. “I get it… I mean….” I dragged my hand through my hair. “When was the last time you saw this many children all together? At least of this age range… there weren’t even that many in the care centre.” I stopped abruptly… it probably wasn't the best time to talk about that… and it wasn’t like I was there for long. “But I do think it’s a good idea to save the rations we have for when we get back to earth… even if we find good land to start out on… it will take time to get farms producing… If they go to sleep, they don’t need to learn about rationing… or hunger and thirst. It sounds like a good deal… if it wasn’t for the…” I stopped again. I didn’t dare speak negatively of the cryo chambers in case the kids heard.

I knew my anxiety behind them was illogical, but all the same, it was there, and it was real. Raven knew my fears and the other reasons I didn’t want to go to sleep. “Plus, the sooner people go to sleep the less chances there are of tensions between the clans.”

•— Raven —•

Twice…. As we walked twice, he stopped from saying what he was thinking. Making me question the reason. Looking around, looking between the two of us, and the company we were in. I got it.

This hadn’t been the same as on the island. He wasn’t stopping because he didn’t want to share, it wasn’t the right time. Just like before I told myself he would tell me later. And I believed it too.

‘Rey!’ #Monty’s voice cut in before I could answer or question John anymore. ‘The door is locked. You need to punch the code in.’ Nodding my head, I allowed one last glance at John telling him we’d talk more later before slowly catching up to the others.

“Okay, are we really?” And children with excited and eager. I didn’t know how #Monty and #Harper had done this. I pushed into the code to my workshop which was the same as my room code. And with a general hiss the doors slide open.

“Welcome to the overachievers workshop.”

#Harper laughed and picked me. ‘Rey, there nothing in here that could injure or kill a kid, right?’

At the question being asked, my mind began to wander around what I had open. “Oh hells. Uhm… give me one….” I was already, hopping, running and skipping to the far side of the room where the industrial cutters were laying out.

•— John —•

I knew how much she hated it when I held stuff back… especially now that we were back on track again. But I wasn't really holding back, there were kids everywhere and #Harper. #Monty now too… I would tell her… but when it was just her and I. I just hoped that she saw that promise in the smile I gave her, I didn’t want her to think there was still a wall between us. I translated for the kids, but they seemed to read Rey’s excitement about where we were heading.

I couldn’t but get excited at how excited she was. Maybe it was a little bit of the kid's excitement too… maybe. When Harper asked the potential for injury in the room, I turned the kids and told them to wait in Trig then I distracted them when Raven hopped off to retrieve a wicked-looking tool that she’d left out… Shit… she must have been in a lot of pain if she didn’t put that back in its place when she last used it. I told the kids that this was the room where Raven and the other mechanics and engineers fixed things and made sure everything, we needed to make the ship run was working. They didn’t ask many questions… they’re understanding of Tek was slim to none.

•— Raven —•

I never left things out of place; it was well known by everyone that;

1. They could borrow anything they needed, as long as they returned it.

2. I had a place for every tool. (Reason being if anyone did ask to use something. I could tell them where it was kept without needing to go to it.)

3. I always left my work space ready to go for the next time.

All of which had gone out the ship’s windows with the next to no sleep and working on empty. But now I’d had a good couple of night of sleep, which meant I had begun to feel like myself again.

Hens why this trip to show the children around felt right to do today.

“Okay…” closing the metal cages on the far end of the space I dusted my hands off. “All is safe and sound now. I’m happy for the children to walk around and look over anything.” Pointing to the windows out the back or the work space. “These windows are safe for them to see the stars; we are facing away from earth here.”

Leaning back against the metal cage. Taking some of the weight off my hip and leg, I crossed my arms smiling at them all.

•— John —•

I watched her hobble around the room, something in me ached just knowing she was in pain. The kids started to walk around looking at things but not touching unless they were told it was okay. Which is what I had translated for them. #Monty showed some of the more curious kids the tools and #Harper watched the others who were fascinated with the windows. I pushed over two work stools next to where Raven stood, off to the side.

I knew she wouldn’t like it if I drew attention to her pain, so I sat on one and held the spinning top of the stool steady for her to sit without worrying about it slipping beneath her. I said nothing about her hurting. I would add that in later with the other things I hadn’t said today. I glanced around making sure the others were distracted.

“Hey.” I said softly. “Why did you axe the trip to the bridge? It sounded like a great idea… the windows there are even….” I stopped.

She said that the windows here were safe. Shit! “Oh!” My eyes widened. “Damn….” Of course, she thought about that… about the trauma of seeing a whole planet ablaze. “Maybe we call ahead another day… have them close the curtain.” I offered her a smile.

She’d made the right call; they didn’t need to see any of this. It was another reason they should go into cryo. They didn’t need to grow up here. The earth would heal, it would heal, and we could take them home and let them grow up in the real world not a tin can with water recycling and artificial atmosphere. With real sunlight and not UV therapy. With grass and weather and places to run.

•— Raven —•

I could feel my friend’s eyes on me. Of course, some part of me knew what John Murphy thought, saw, or even felt, when he witnesses to me moving. The boy knew me too well since our time on the island had been spent with #Abby making him my watchman and nurse. This is why I didn’t question or fight the fact he wanted me to sit down beside him.

Relief coursed through my muscles the moment the weight eased from my hip and leg. It had been making my back all tense and sore too.

My hazel eyes dulled with the lack of sleep, glanced all over the room, while John answered his own question.

“They deserve better than the nightmares we all grew up with. They all have family and friends who were left down there. I don’t want them witnessing the place which had been their home, now becoming a death pyre for those who were left behind.”

Shaking my head, at my stupidity. “I hadn’t I thought the plan through. I should have foreseen it before mentioning it to them.” Rubbing my fingers over the bridge of my nose. “These children deserve a chance to make it out of this thing, without even more scarring.”

•— John —•

I smiled at her, but I knew that she would see the concern in my eyes… she never missed a thing. Even the relief on her face when she sat down wasn’t a comfort to me, all it meant was she’d been hurting… more than I could help with by offering her a seat.

I nodded. “You’re right. They don’t need that at all… But you could talk to Officer Shaw…” I neglected the rank I knew all too well he had. “Plan a day for them to visit and have them close the doors on the window? I still think they would have a good time seeing how things run.”

She was punishing herself again, it was a habit ingrained so deep in her that I didn’t think she would ever cut herself some slack. “All that matters is that you remembered before I had a chance to translate it.”

I watched the kids around the room… Monty was making whirring sounds and playing with a tool that clearly had its powerpack removed (for the safety of the kids, I figured) and handed it the some of the older kids and repeated a word I was pretty meant 𝕕𝕣𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘. I laughed at the kid's confused faces as one of them started tapping a spanner she had been examining the leg of the table… like… well like it was a drum.

“I’m guessing that tool #Monty is showing them has nothing to with drumming… Right?”

•— Raven —•

I saw the way John’s gaze turned upon me. “Oh, stop it.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.” I also wondered if he had it his way, would the ripper stick me to slow me down? Because he’s done it before, and for some crazy reason now it made me chuckle, even if I wanted to kill him at the time.

But now I was the one watching him. I knew full well what he was doing, however I still couldn’t understand why? What had passed between him and #Miles for this… rivalry?

“𝗟𝗶𝗲𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁…” emphasising, his correct rank. while knowing full well, John knew this too. “Miles Shaw would be happy to help. I just…. I should have put this plan past him too.” Moving my attention around the room and smiling when I saw #Harper.

“A little foresight and warning, and you’re right. The children would love seeing things from up there. Especially since they are so… engaged down here.” Nodding my head to #Harper and three of the young ones. Sat in the floor in a circle. In the middle lay a greasy engine part.

“They look more impressive by the greasy.” The. I turned my gaze back to John. “Drumming? What the h—” I heard it then, the sound of my tools hitting the leg of the tables, and work benches. “Monty! What are you teaching them?”

•— John —•

“Stop what?” I asked nonchalantly. “If you want me to stop checking you out you have to stop checking me out first.” I teased her quietly. I just rolled my eyes at her correction. “Yeah, yeah.” I sighed. Then I laughed.

“Yeah, I noticed that… Grounder kids. They love… dirt!” I chuckled. “I remembered them jumping in puddles and digging in mud for no reason, in some of the villages I passed through. And the adults just acted like it was totally normal.”

More kids chimed in with the drumming and #Monty looked up at Raven with a little fear in his eyes. ‘No idea.’ He admitted. ‘We might need a translator over here.’ He turned his eyes on me, pleading. I laughed and patted Rey’s braced knee once, gently.

“Okay, okay I’m coming.” I laughed, but I was smiling at Raven until I stepped off the stool and made my way to the looked more confused than ever. “You’re going to have to show them how it works,” I told him, after I got them to stop drumming with #Harper’s help.

•— Raven —•

A scoff and the mother of all eye rolls were his gift. “You wish Watcher.” Waggling my eyebrows and giving a smirk.

Not really say anything else, just making a note to ask him about his travels. How had we not had this conversation? I wanted to see more of the planet we had begun to call home. However, we didn’t have time. Consequently, fighting to live, to survive, and to thrive had consequences. It was all consuming.

Sitting on the stole, speaking to the children who ran past me asking them to be care with a kind smile. My eyes focused on my three friends, watching how taking care of these small souls came so easily to them. Once again, I thought of how much had happened in so little time, how we had failed these young ones. How they wouldn’t play in puddles or in the dirt for years to come.

And my eyes stung.

Turning my face away, to blink those uncontrollably heavy feeling back until I could let them flow when alone. Now wasn’t the time. When my hazel glazed returned to the group, they were all sat on the ground with Monty showing them what to do (other than play the drums!)

•— John —•

I glanced over my shoulder after translating for #Monty. I could see she was lost in thought, but it almost looked like she was about to cry… it made my chest ache. Not in the way it did in the Brig… this was different…

#Monty passed out goggles to the kids closest to him and told us to keep the others back a little, while he drilled a hole into scrap metal to show them how it worked. They were fascinated by the sparks and how the tool whirred. But when I glanced behind me again to check on Rey, I caught sight of the littlest boy (the one that almost kicked me in the family jewels)… hands clamped over his ears but still looking like he wanted to be part of the action. I spotted a pair of ear protectors on a workbench… quickly looked up at Raven again, like she might have vanished in the last ten seconds. I smiled at her before I picked up the yellow headset, mimicked putting it on to show the boy how it worked, and then popped them on his ears. They looked ridiculously large on his tiny head. I chuckled and he whipped his head around at the change in what he could… or rather couldn’t hear.

Then he held his hands up to me, fingers opening and closing…. My brows lowered. I looked around for a little clarification. #Harper caught my gaze and imitated picking him up. I gave her a look over the noise in the room that asked 𝗠𝗲?

#Harper’s brows arched, and she planted one hand on her hip and returned a glare that had me instantly picking up the child and turning back to give Raven an eye roll… This woman was a whole lot tougher than I gave her credit for.

She was watching everything from her place on the stool… After #Monty was finished with the kids, and I was done playing translator I put the boy down. Or... I tried to… he made a keening sound and tucked up his legs, refusing to put them on the ground. “Okay, okay…. Message received.” I chuckled… doubting he understood. He made the same sound when I tried to take the ear protectors off. When I looked at him it looked like he might fall asleep any minute.

So… keeping hold of him I made my way back to Raven. “Hey… Do you know if they are meant to sleep during the day at this age…” I hefted the boy higher on my hip. “This one looks about ready for bed.” I want to ask her where her mind had gone just now… touch her… not in a creepy way just to offer comfort. But we add all of that to the growing list for later.

•— Raven —•

With my head back in the here and now, the rollercoaster of emotions had been hard to keep at bay this afternoon. I knew not sleeping well did this with me, it played with my head and heart. However, I’d had a good sleep finally last night, so I had no excuses. Witnessing the events before me I could help but let go of the sadness and embrace the view of #Harper and John.

#Monty had been lost in his little show and tell, but the other two were enough of a sideshow that I found myself chuckling to myself.

Wishing someone sat with me to see it all play out too. And maybe place a bet on if the little kid got the target of Johns Crown Jewels this time or not. But to my surprise, John made a friend?

The kid asked to be lifted, to be held and not to be set back down. What was this world coming to? “Why or how would I know? He looks pretty tired. Maybe we should have kept it to a short trip?”

#Haprer moved closer to us, and I asked her the same question.

‘Yes, the little ones do have a nap in the classroom. We have a few small mattresses Luna found, and some blankets, Miles brought us for them.’

She glanced at the youngest of the group. ‘Maybe we should head back. They will need some lunch soon too.’

Nodding my head, I held my hand up for #Monty to notice, making a sign to round it up. “Okay. I guess John is the little people whisperer now. He picked up on their needs.” Giving him a smile of gratitude.

•— John —•

Raven saw everything, I named her Stargazer because she was a dreamer and because the first time, we made a truly deep connection I caught her literally looking up at the stars. Then she told me the stories of the constellations. She was watching everything, and I hated that sometimes her pain kept her on the edge of things. I tried not to let it happen, but this was another moment that I had dropped the ball.

I nodded when she mentioned short trips. “Yeah… I guess with the kids being such a range of ages we need to think more about the little ones. I mean like Harper’s idea of teaching them numbers to use the lift.” I tipped my chin to the kid almost nodding off on my shoulder. “It's not like this kid will be riding elevators on his own anytime soon, you know? it might be a better use of time to focus on teaching it to the kids who need it.”

I held back the eye roll at the mention of him… but it was cool that he thought of the kids. I laughed but tried to soften it a little in case I provoked the wrath of the crotch-kicker on my hip. Like it was on cue the kid yawned a huge, face-stretching yawn. “Mean it’s not rocket science when you read the signs.” I bragged. “Should we round them all up or just take the little ones back?”

•— Raven —•

‘Ah… You’re under selling your skills again John Murphy.’ #Harper teased him at not being a rock scientist.

Then he asked another good question. “Uhm… Harper?” Taking my lead from her as she knew these kids better than we did.

‘Oh… I’m not sure it’s a good idea to split the kids up. The little ones have grown accustomed to being around the older ones. And the older kids don’t really let the young ones out of their sight.’

The thought warmed me and saddened me at the same time. “Talk about having to grow up too fast... they are protector when they should be children themselves.” But I got it. Wasn’t it the same for us too?

‘So, what’s the plan guys?’ #Monty walked over to ask.

My hazel eyes moved over the room, and all the faces. “I guess we are all heading back for a nap? Unless Harper do you want me to go grab the lunches? I’m happy to do it so you have some down time too?”

It felt right to offer, I’d been sat here on a stool while they did all the hard work.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind, or have any else to do?’ She asked. I had a tone of things to do. “I’m hiding out, seeing how long it takes the others to come find me. So, all of your head back. I’ll go pick up the food.”

•— John —•

I laughed at #Harper. “Yeah well, kids are crappy judges of character.” I was sure if these little people had any clue of the things I had done, they would be terrified of me. I thought about what Harper said and looked around… these kids were all from different clans… I would have to remember to look at the list of minors and see who was from which clan. “Even the kids from different clans?” I asked.

‘Kids don’t see clan allegiance; they just see new friends. Especially after… everything.’ She cleared her throat and brushed the hair away from the little boy's eyes.

I had to say I agreed with Raven… “It wasn’t any different on the Ark. How old were all of you when you were selected for your apprenticeships?” I looked from #Monty to #Harper to #Raven… “Fourteen? Younger? You made it to Zero-G at eighteen.” I said to Raven. I, on the other hand… they planned to assign to maintenance or janitorial or something else suitably useless. “Maybe in a few decades, kids can be kids again.”

I grinned at Raven. “Wait….” I gave her a shocked look. “You tricked me into turning your day off into a field trip! I feel so used Raven Reyes!” I had to tone down my usual theatrics due to the sleeping crotch kicker… but my smirk said it all. Then on a serious note. “Maybe someone should go with you?” I glanced around. I would have volunteered… but for some reason, I thought that would be…. I had no idea… we had been together all day. I was hard to be around on a good day.

“One person can carry the rations… but the water too? And today is nutrition packs for the minors too.” I had made the schedule based on the nutritional needs Abby laid out for the kids and adults… those with injuries. It gave me a headache just thinking about it.

‘I can go with her… can you get them back with just too?’ #Monty asked.

I looked at the kids and asked in Trig. “Who’s ready for another ride in the elevator?” None of them seemed to show signs of fear this time.

•— Raven —•

It was such a tender touch, the way #Harper moved the hair out of the boys eyes. Once again, I had to remind myself how things could have been different for us all of our life’s had taken an unexpected turn.

Of If I hadn’t messed up, if we had stopped the nuclear meltdown, if the stars were set on destroying everything we were trying to save?

I had to tell myself to stop… I knew where these dark thoughts took me… and it wasn’t anywhere good. Positive energy, one foot in front of the other… and small wins!

“Who? Me?” Giving John a shocked face with a hand over my heart. “I don’t know what you mean. I would never.” Winking at the children even if they understand the conspiracy I was bringing them into.

I was going to describe in detail the plan I had about accosting a trolly to bring everything back. But #Monty was always good company.

“Thanks Green, I’m going to accept your offer to help. So, shall we?” Realising, actually I hadn’t gotten up from the stool.

Not sure what #Harper saw in my face, but she began gathering the kids who John had excited with another ride in the elevator. Taking the attention off me, so that I could slowly stand myself up.

Hiding the shooting pain, making me freeze for a breath or two. And then I was on the move.

•— John —•

That little spark of mischief played in those hazel eyes, the ring of gold flashing for a moment when she gave me her cheek. I saw it dim and sputter out when she stood up. Then I was suddenly hit with all the flaws in this plan. Would #Monty recognises her pain? Would he slow down and take it at a speed not so slow that she’d know what was happening, but slow enough that she had time to breathe through the hurt? Would he ask her about it? No one who was in pain wanted to be constantly reminded of every detail of those pains and draw attention to it, bringing it into sharp relief in the forefront of their mind. Would he know to just stop for a moment if she needed to and let her catch her breath before offering to help her when she was more than capable of helping herself?

‘You coming, Murphy?’ It was #Harper, I realised she was at the door with the kids, two little ones still milling around my feet.

“Right behind you,” I told her. “Just making sure we don’t have any stragglers.” She nodded and started to lead the kids. I focused my attention… or my eyes at least on the kids, this wasn’t a place to leave a child behind, there were airlocks and tools everywhere.

#Harper began counting heads as they filed into the lift giddy and excited, and a few sleepy yet fascinated faces. Plus, the little one that was out cold on my shoulder. #Raven was gone from my eyeline now. I stepped inside and exhaled. She was fine. She was a grown woman, and she did not need my meddling at all.

I knew this… But it still didn’t help.

‘She’s okay, isn’t she?’ #Harper asked as the doors slid closed.

“Raven?” I asked… Blinking. “Of course.”

#Harper’s reply was a look; pinched brows and a stern expression. It suited her… this mother hen look. “She is… she’s just… working too much… but I’m working on that…” I was trying to. But between my shifts in the mess and the therapy sessions with Jackson, I hardly knew where to find her half of the time.

‘And you? Are you okay?’ She asked next. Now I was really confused.

“Yeah… sure…” Then I remembered, she was there… in the brig. “I’m fine… better. I have Raven, #Luna and #Emori. I’ll be fine.”

‘You have the 100, John… any of us that are left.’ Harper said and the doors pinged. We ushered the kids out and I rolled my eyes. #Harper looked hurt at that.

“Sorry, that wasn’t aimed at you. But we both know that’s not totally true.” I explained.

‘What’s not true?’ I audibly groaned as #OfficerShaw stepped into the corridor. #Harper beamed though and so did a few of the kids. I fought back yet another eye roll.

•— Raven —•

Walking down the corridor I knew what I needed to do. It’s all about mind over matter. Or at least what #Sinclair told me. ‘You can do anything you put your mind to Miss Reyes. Don’t you ever forget it.’

My lips curled up into a soft smile, heading his voice in my head wasn’t the same at on #Becca’s Island, but I had a good memory of it still. Even if it felt a little fogged.

‘What are you thinking about?’ #Monty asked from beside me. He walked step to step, like a perfect mirror of my actions.

“Something Sinclair used to say to me.” This made his heart turn, but her didn’t speak. Waiting to see if there were memories, I was willing to share. “He used to tell me I could do anything I put my mind too. That the only people or person to get in my way... was me.”

#Monty chuckled but still didn’t speak. “I’m starting to think the man had a point.” I said as we moved to the side, some of the guys from camp and some grounders were working together, carrying cleaning supplies and equipment.

‘I may not know it all, but I knew better than to disagree with what Sinclair said. So, yeah...’ He nudged his shoulder into mine chuckling again.

“Careful, Green. I may get myself a big head or something.” This earned an eye roll.

‘It’s not easy, Rey. What we are all trying to do up here. But the fact that so many people are here and breathing…. What is it you used to say…. Small wins? Yeah. Small wins. We will take them until they build up into something substantial.’

This time I moved closer to him. My friend warmed my heart.

‘Now… are you going to tell me how he is?’ The boy didn’t miss a beat while opening the doors to the mess room.

“Who? John?” Arching my eyebrow.

‘No, Bellamy… you picked John.’ That mischievous look was back making the both of us laugh together.

“Funny… so bloody funny! But he is getting there. It’s going to be fine. He isn’t alone.” This time I truly believe what I said. John wasn’t alone. He had people he cared about. And maybe had someone special who will help keep his demons in check, even if he still hasn’t told me about them.

‘Come on, Rey. Let’s get those children feed.’ Leaving me standing in the middle of bustling mess, he rushed to find a trolly we could use.

•— John —•

We were so close. Two minutes earlier and we would have missed him. “It’s not true that your ears are your worst feature… Officer. Personally, I think they are adorable. #Harper disagrees.”

I watched his jaw tick like he was biting the inside of his cheek; I felt a swell of pride. ‘You are so lucky you have a baby in your arms or I would smack you, John Murphy.’ Harper whispered as she passed me by and spoke normally. ‘Want to help us wrangle this gang back to the classroom?’

‘Sure thing.’ He smiled. ‘I have some time.’ He tried to take the hand of the kid closest to me, but she looked up at me and I said without even twitching a finger. “En’s ku… Teik ai meika.” (It’s okay. Take my hand.) The little girl reached out and took my free hand. #Shaw bristled.

#Harper rolled her eyes and started to head down the hall calling to the kids to follow. “Hos of, yongons.” (Move along, kids.) The stragglers started to move and Shaw did seem to making sure none of them wandered.

‘It’s a good look on you Murphy… maybe you’ll make a good mommy someday.’ Shaw smirked like he just landed a killer insult.

“Wow, gender base insults.” I laughed. Fuck! This kid was getting heavier by the second. There was no way I would show any hint of weakness around him. “You’re about a century too late… we wiped out that toxic bullshit a few years after the missiles launched.”

‘Foul language in front of the little ones?’ Shaw acted horrified.

“They don’t speak English in case you haven’t noticed. Only the warriors learned English on the ground.” I said like this was common knowledge he should know.

‘So, I’d heard… why is that exactly?’ He asked and I smirked.

“Because the people that lived in an American military base kidnapped their soldiers, turned them into drug dependant cannibals and fed their addiction when they brought them live grounders that they kept in cages and used their blood as medicine.” It was true… and also a nice dig at the country he’d decided to fight for.

His face twisted up as he processed the information. “See that girl up there…” I waited until #Harper was far enough ahead. “The descendants of your government locked her in a cage so small she had to curl into a ball… drilled into her and drained her bone marrow until she almost died. Then they strapped Raven to the same table and tried to do the same thing.”

‘Was that before or after you shot her?’ He looked at me smugly.

Bellamy fucking Blake! That man had no idea when to shut the hell up. “Ask Raven.” Was all I said back. Rey and I were long past that… even if I still refused to talk to #Jackson about it. It would not go down well if he confronted her about it.

He laughed and stroked his chin. He knew that was a bad move. ‘Any particular reason you’re suddenly interested in these kids?’

“Oh, you mean the kids whose burns I treated and vomit bags I held when they came on board? Whose entire meal plan and nutrition requirements I calculated and prepare rations for every single day on this boat? Yeah… pretty unexpected that I took an interest…” I rolled my eyes. “Or maybe it’s because I’m one of about ten people from the Ark that bother to learn their language. Pick which one you like best.”

Finally, the double doors to the schoolroom appeared before us. And we went inside. #Harper pointed me to the cots and I lay the sleeping toddler down, easing his tiny arms from around my neck as Harper tucked a blanket around him. ‘You need to stop antagonising that man.’ She whispered to me. ‘Raven trusts him, we need to trust him too.’

“Oh I trust him,” I said and she looked bewildered. “I trust him to keep this boat in orbit and the life support running.... but I don’t trust him with these people.” I tipped my chin towards the kid. “This was a prison ship.. and none of the prisoners survived? Isn’t that a little convenient? We were prisoners too Harper… I’ve seen those cells. They wore shock collars… Do you really think they couldn’t have subdued any of them? Isn’t it weird that only half a dozen crewmates survived? If anything goes wrong up here the grounders will be the first to go. Or worse.”

‘Worse?’ she asked, her brow knitting in confusion.

“They still have the collars on board.” Her face dropped and she shook her head.

‘Please don’t do anything stupid, John. Raven needs you.’ It sounded like she was pleading. But Raven didn’t need anyone, not really. ‘Let me talk to #Clarke about this before you do anything, please?’

I blinked. “You believe me? Just like that…. Without proof?” She kissed my cheek quickly and smiled.

‘Just like that, John.’ And she shuffled off to the next kid, leaving me crouched by the little one. I looked over my shoulder and #Shaw was managing to get the little kids to lie down. I… fucking… hate… that guy.

•— Raven —•

‘Raven Reyes!’ The voice came from behind as #Monty and I loaded the last of the food ration assigned to the children for midday.

‘Busted!’ He chuckled looking over his shoulder to the person who owned the voice.

‘People have been looking all over this ship for you. Where have you been?’ #Clarke came to stand right beside me now. Her arms crossed over the chest, sending out the subliminal message that she was not to be fucked with.

“I couldn’t be hiding so well. Look you found me.” Saying it while struggling a little with the box of water.

‘It’s not a joke Rey. We need you. We need to make sure the council understands every step of the process. That are all so close. I can feel it.’

She was frowning at Monty.

‘Shouldn’t you be working on the plan on what to do when this all runs out?’ She pointed to the trolly.

“Back off Griff. He has been working damn hard. And he hasn’t stopped. Right now, he is helping Harper with feeding the children of the council. So… just bad off.” She looked out of sorts, and I didn’t care. I was fine with her telling me I was slacking. But she wasn’t going to say it to anyone else.

‘I… I’m sorry… it’s just a lot riding on this.’ She frowned looking away.

“Yeah, we know. It was kind of our minds coming up with the lists of everything we needed to do.”

#Monty placed a hand on my forearm, telling me to stop. ‘As soon as we deliver this food, I will get back to work on the algae farm. I’ve begun to find a way I think will make the most sense in a short period.’ The boy was super intelligent and if anyone could, it would be him.

I couldn’t help the pride I felt for my friend right now, as he went into great detail on how far the process had come. I knew what he was doing. Taking Clarke’s attention and anger off me.

•— John —•

#Harper’s easy acceptance of what I told her was still not sitting right in my mind… I couldn’t stop my inner monologue running through what her intentions might be. Was she going to use this against me? Would she tell the crew that I knew they had the collars? Would she think I was crazy?

I knew what Raven would say. She would tell me to trust my family, my friends… but fuck! That really wasn’t easy. Harper was trying to settle a fussy child, singing to her and trying to keep the older kids quiet. They were clearly too old for naps and none of them appeared to need one. I searched the room and found a tablet.

“I got the older ones, Harper. Try to get her to sleep.” I took the older kids to the other end of the room and gathered them up in a circle sitting on the floor. I pulled up a blank document on the tablet.

Ꮻ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ ᴘᴏᴠ Ꮻ

I held the little girl draped across my lap… it was the only way she’d sleep and now I was afraid to move because she never slept well… I think she had bad dreams. I had let my humming fade out after her eyes closed. Now I was watching John… speaking Trig to these kids like he had used it all his life… #Shaw was watching him too from the other side of the room. He caught my eye when I looked over and then came to stand next to me.

‘What is he saying to them?’ He asked me.

“I don’t know word for word. But he is teaching them to count in English and what each number looks like.” I replied, catching as many words as I could.

‘Why?’ He asked, brow furrowed.

“I think it's so they can use the elevators on their own if they ever need to, or get lost,” I told him without thinking about whether or not I should answer the question.

‘Is that a good idea?’ #Miles asked, and there it was… I should have thought before I spoke. ‘What if they go back to their parents and teach them?’

I shifted to a little to face him and said matter-of-factly. “Then their parents will be able to move more freely around the ship.” My tone made it very clear that this was a good thing.

‘Oh yeah sure… I just meant that… they don’t understand life on a ship… We don’t want anyone accidentally stepping out into space.’ He replied quickly.

•— Raven —•

〄 ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜɪᴘ’ꜱ ᴍᴇꜱꜱ

‘Rey, are you going to come and join the meeting? They need to see you there.’ #Clarke looks frustrated.

“Grif, I’m not a team mascot. If you need me there to explain what I am doing, or how things are working. Fine. But I’m not going to stand there just to make people feel comfortable. My time can be better spent.’

#Monty had stepped away to give the two of us room to speak. And some part of me thought I would have loved to walk away too.

‘You, know you are much more than a mascot. I don’t know…’ she rubbed her hand over her tired face.

“When was the last time you sat down, ate something, slept?’ Placing my hand on her shoulder. “Today I’m learning to stop and look around. To enjoy the sad wins we have.” Our eyes moved over the people in the Mess with us. “All these people, they need to see us, to trust us. To understand we are here working to make sure their safety and security is what we are all working towards.”

Her shoulders sagged, but the fact that she wasn’t dragging me or herself out of here, it meant she saw where I was coming from. ‘I guess…’ she began. ‘You have a point.’

I knew I shouldn’t joke. “Can I have it in writing?” She nudged me smiling.

‘Go, feed the masses. Do your thing. You’re working ten steps ahead of me.’ My smirk was all the answer she wanted. But she pushed me playfully. ‘Shut up! And Go!’

•— John —•

〄 ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱʀᴏᴏᴍ

The kids seemed to get one to five down quickly, but I could see frustration starting to creep in. So I put away the tablet and started to ask them their names and tribes… they started to ask me about being born in space… that was harder.

On the ground, I never had much cause to talk about being Skaikru in their language since I spent most of my time trying to hide that fact.. other than from #Emori. It was impossible to translate words like 𝕆𝕣𝕓𝕚𝕥, 𝔾𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕥𝕪 and 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔 𝕖𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘.

Plus trying to navigate the conversation around the fact that I was locked up for attempted murder, arson, burning two days' worth of breathable air and potentially endangering every life on the Ark just by lighting one fire…. Well yeah. That was difficult too.

The eldest two kids had asked me why they hadn’t been given a job… they were probably only eleven… but clearly, they were used to contributing. So I approached #Harper, letting the kids just hang out and relax. She still had a sleeping child on her lap. ‘That was amazing John…’ She smiled. ‘Who knew you would be the teaching kind?’

I laughed. “If #Pike could see me now right?” #Harper winced. She was there the day he attacked me in our Earth Skills class. “I just speak their language is all.”

‘You do… and not just literally… you understand them. They can tell and they respond to that.’ She smiled again and I shuffled uncomfortably. Having people not hate me was a strange sensation.

“Speaking of understanding… the eldest kids… they were asking about having a job… helping out? I think they are used to helping out at home.” There was no such thing as laziness on the ground, everyone spent their days surviving… working, and making sure they had what they needed to survive the winter or the dry season.

‘Oh… um… I suppose I could have them help out a little more with the kids… but I don’t think there's a lot they would be able to do. If they were off in the ship they would need to be supervised and that would take someone else away from a job…’ She was rambling now, thinking out loud… “You know who would be best to help with that?… #Luna. When she’s back we’ll talk to her about it.’

She was right, #Luna had everyone on the Oil Rig pitching in and that wasn’t much safer than this ship for little kids. She had to have ideas for safe ways for them to contribute. “Yeah… you’re right. I’d bet she would think of something.”

‘Are you really thinking about putting kids to work?’ I hadn’t paid attention to #Shaw’s presence.

“We aren’t talking about slave labour here. We’re talking about letting them feel useful. These kids aren’t used to being idle. They are tending crops and raising farm animals from the time they can walk…” I left out the part about training to be soldiers from before puberty. “They just want to contribute.”

•— Raven —•

The doors slide open to #Monty and I seeing #Harper, #Miles, and John huddled to the far side of the classroom. Some kids sleeping and the olders one’s relaxing and speaking in hushed tones.

‘That doesn’t look good.’ #Monty uttered.

“What doesn’t?” I asked curiously as I saw nothing wrong with the sight before us.

‘John and Shaw. In the same room as children. They could kick off at any moment.’ Something passed in his mind because his body language changed.

‘Raven. There you are.’ A bright smile and a salute came from across the room.

“Hey Miles. I wasn’t expecting you to be down here. I’m sure the kids are loving the attention.” We pulled the trolley into the classroom and let the doors close behind us.

‘You know I’m always up for showing my support.’ He came over to take my side of the trolley. ‘Let me help with this.’

My hazel eyes settled on #Harper and John. And the small one fast asleep on her lap. Smiling at the two of them before the older children we up on their feet making their way across.

‘Who’s going to tell them to list up?’ Miles asked. Pulling my attention back to him

“Mi….” Before I could even say his name, #Monty replied frowning.

‘No one.’ #Monty replied. ‘They are kids, not prisoners. They can help themselves to anything they want from here. Because they know how to take care of rationing food.’

Before his sentence was over, I saw how the oldest looking of the kids stepped up. One handing the younger ones their fair share of food and water. Before even thinking of serving themselves.

‘See…’ #Monty said looking proud of them. The girl took food and water over for Harper, the baby, and John too.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes at the salute… didn’t anyone tell him America was over? I scoffed when he asked who was going to tell the kids to line up for rations. It had been ten minutes since we talked about the fact that I was one of the few people from the Ark who spoke their language.

I smirked and turned my attention to the child and #Harper’s lap to try and hide the grin when #Monty called him out. ‘John Murphy, you wipe that smirk off your face.’ #Harper whispered; she leaned in close. ‘Raven is allowed to make new friends. Don’t be jealous… it can’t compare to what you did for her.’

I inhaled deeply. “Raven might be blind to it… but we all know it's not friendship he wants.” I whispered back.

‘All that matters is what our Rey wants, she will only do what she wants to do.’ #Harper replied and I flicked my eye to the side watching the kids help themselves to their fair share and passing the packet to the young ones that were awake. Saving some for the little ones still sleeping. I smiled at the little girl and took the rations from her. “Mochof.” (Thank you.) I told her.

‘How long are you going to wait, John?’ She asked and I was stunned. I busied myself opening her rations and giving them to her because she only had one free hand. Was I that transparent?

“As long as she needs me too,” I whispered, not able to look at her now. But I saw her roll her eyes in my peripheral vision.

‘You don’t get to decide what she needs, John… this isn’t the same thing as her working herself into an early grave.’ Even though she was clearly calling me out… her words were kind, like she was giving me advice, maybe even encouragement… instead of telling me off.

I looked her in the eyes now. “I can’t lose her.”

•— Raven —•

‘I .. Uhm… I fucked up again. Didn’t I?’ #Miles stepped into me to whisper in my ear. However, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the packet in my hands. ‘I’m sorry Raven. This is all new to me.’ And I knew it was.

“Yeah… Miles... you did… but at least you know you did. That’s a start.” I half smiled. Hearing a scoffing sound coming from #Monty’s direction before he went to join #Harper and John.

‘I’m trying. It’s not easy thinking the way you do. You are so trustful and open… I’m... well… I’m messed up.’ I knew what #Miles was going through. We’re had a number of night time conversations when he’d wake up from nightmares and knock on my door.

I smiled and nudged him with my elbow. “I am far from perfect. Just like to think we need to survive together, without the trauma every single one of us has lived through. You, me, and everyone else on this ship. Each step we take has to be with humanity in mind. Not a power trip or thinking less about anyone else. You know what I mean?”

He nodded his head, giving me a hug and whispering in my ear again. ‘I want to be Raven Reyes when I grow up.’ This made me laugh, patting his back and hugging him too.

“Keep with me kid, and I’ll show you how it’s done.” Stepping back to look up at him. Placing a hand on his cheek. “Just show them the side of you, I’ve seen. Your kind, bull headed, but this...” My hand moved to his chest and heart. “This is what matters, when every person around you is fearful and lost.”

Looking over his shoulder I saw John speaking with Harper, it made me smile. He too once told me no one would love him and now look at him. He had a family. Even if he didn’t recognise it yet.

•— John —•

Now I had sunk so deep into those feelings, I thought I had done a good job of keeping to myself today. I was a good friend today, wasn’t I? Helped her with her pain when I could and kept her company… even if I wasn’t so successful at having her take a break… walking the ship with the kids was far less difficult and physically taxing than her day job… and now here I was grasping at those mental threads, trying to stuff them deep down again.

Would it ever get easier?

I wasn’t sure I wanted it to… on one hand this hurt… on the other… it was a reminder that I was capable of feeling. If it got easier… if I forgot… Would I turn back into the version of John Murphy she hated?

Just so I had a reason to not watch the exchange between Rey and #Shaw I ate my ration, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

But then he hugged her and the movement in my peripheral vision was too much to ignore. My gaze flickered up… I couldn’t see this… I couldn’t look away.

I needed to see this. I needed to know that she had far better prospects than me. Even if it was this douchebag… He was making her smile… making her laugh. She touched his face and the crack in my chest was what I needed to look away, back at #Harper. I forced a smile that failed to wipe the pity from her eyes. Great! I was pitiful again.

‘John, it doesn’t mean…’ She started to tell me that what I saw meant nothing. But nothing Raven did ever meant nothing. Time was too precious to her. Everything she did was about making things better.

“It’s fine… I’m fine.” I lied. I hadn’t promised #McIntyre I wouldn’t lie to her. “All that matters is that she’s happy, that’s all I need.” Another lie, this one stung me. I looked around the room at the sleeping kids, the older ones eating or helping the little ones that had woken open the little silver packets.

“Do… um…” I cleared my throat, there was a lump there that the words got stuck on. “Do you still need me here? You have soldier boy now and I should go check on the canteen… my grounder assistants still struggle with the tablets to record the rations that were collected.” Truth. Sort of… They would manage… but still, the half-truth eased the guilt a little. Raven really was rubbing off on me if these little lies were weighing on me.

‘Um…’ Harper looked around and swallowed thickly. ‘John, you don’t…’ she seemed to think about what she was about to say. ‘We’ll be fine. You should do what you need to do.’

I didn’t give any other explanation as I made my way to the door as subtly as possible. Until the eldest child in the room called out. ‘Seda, yu gon raun?’ (Teacher, you’re leaving?) I wasn’t sure what stopped me. The fact he’d announce my departure to the room or the fact he called me Seda. It was not a word the grounders used carelessly.

•— Raven —•

#Miles handed me a chunk from his now opened sliver packet, holding it out to me with a smile. Of course I didn’t need help to open my rations. But it was the gesture in the moment, an olive branch as they called it on earth in his days. So, I went with it. Showing him that just because a mistake is made didn’t mean the end of a friendship.

We all did it from time to time, making mistakes, saying things we didn’t mean, or just having a bad day. It didn’t mean doors were closed on you forever. The room had been divided into three sections, each of which was busy with those around them.

#Monty, spoke in hushed tones with a boy showing him how to open the rations in a clean way. And once again when my eyes went to #Harper and John, they were speaking to each other still.

Wanting to give John space, to build his relationship with the others, I went to sit down beside some of the children on our side of the room.

We needed to give all of them the same amount of attention no matter their age. (Or at least that was my belief.)

#Miles of course, joined me, giving us an opportunity to introduce him to them. We needed to keep trying to build some trust between the young ones. They were told to fear people who dressed like us, and as grown-ups it was our responsibility to break those walls down.

#Miles’s eyes widened with shock when he heard my broken trig. ‘I didn’t know you spoke their language too.’ He asked.

“You know it’s the same language as we speak, just with the evolution of over a hundred years.” This made him smile.

‘Are you going to teach me some too?’ he asked with an elbow to my side.

Parting my lips to answer, I stopped, seeing another opportunity to build something lost. “You know who taught me?” Nodding my head to the other side of the room to where John was. “John Murphy. He has a talent for picking up speech.”

I swear I saw something in #Miles’s eyes before he shook his head. ‘Guess I’ll be using sign language with the kids for a while.’

Everyone stopped speaking at the same time, with all our heads turned to the door and John. He looked lost, caught out, as though he stopped from doing something he shouldn’t be. But more so. It’s what I saw in those baby blue eyes of his.

No one spoke for a moment, he didn’t answer the child, and it began to feel awkward. “Bilaik seda, na na bakon.” (Your teacher will be back.) I told the child waving them over to where we were sitting. “Kom op, bilaik dina ste hir.” (Come here, your lunch is waiting.) Beckoning them over.

They glanced back to John and then to me, ultimately choosing to take a seat beside #Miles. I gave them what was left in my packet, telling them to eat it and share it with their friends if they were full, and then stood up.

Smiling at all those who had allowed me to join them for lunch. I told #Miles, I’d find him later. His eyes moved to the door, and he nodded his head in understanding before I turned and walked slowly towards John.

When I stood facing him, I smiled tilting my head to the side. My hazel eyes locked onto him. “You weren’t leaving without me, were you? No… It couldn’t be…” Pushing the button on the wall to open the door I asked.

“Where to next, Watcher?”

•— John —•

I said nothing… I had no idea what I should say… Seda? No… I couldn’t the grounders would not like their children talking to Skiakru like that. Then Raven spoke instead. That was when I noticed the kid was looking confused.

But… Raven… she crossed the room to me. “Oh…” I smiled. Those glinting hazel eyes instantly switched my rapid heartbeat from frantic to… whatever the hell this was. I didn’t care because it was infinitely better. “Um…” Honesty. Raven respected honesty. “Well I was going to go check on the guys in the canteen… but…” I stopped how could I turn this around? “It's my day off… and since I’m trying to set a good example for a certain workaholic, I should probably rethink that plan.”

I looked around the room quickly #Harper was murmuring to the kid on her lap as she stirred awake. Captain Whatever and #Monty was talking to the kids. And Raven… She wanted to stay with me. It did funny things to my insides.

“Wait… does this mean that I’m the workaholic now and you’re the slacker?” I teased her. “Maybe you should pick what we do next instead. How does the great Raven Reyes relax?” Then I stopped. “If there’s math I’m out!”

•— Raven —•

Of course, he got the mother of all eye rolls. “Like I would try’s you with my math.”

Taking his hand, I pulled him out of the room letting the doors slide close. “We don’t want to let the young ones out, or wake those still sleeping.”

This was better, the darkness in his eyes had lifted, it had only taken a few moments. I wasn’t sure what had caused it to occur in the first place. However, the fact that he didn’t allow himself to spiral into the depth of darkness for too long, meant he was trying to get himself better.

“You didn’t tell me it was your day off; I wouldn’t have dragged you around the ship if I knew.” Or had he and I forgot?

Nudging him with my shoulder. “I’m a quick learner. You’d be proud to hear, I even dodged Griffins attempts to get my arse into the council meeting to go over the same questions for the millionth time again.”

Glancing up and down the corridor, I was lost. “I really don’t know what we should be doing. Maybe I should walk you back to your room, and then get my arse back to work.” A Guilty feeling began to emerge from using his free day, which we didn’t have many off.

•— John —•

I let her pull me out into the hall and remember her taking my hand before she fell asleep. “I haven’t had many but the ones I have had I spend wandering the ship anyway… This is a strange place… I figured the best way to get comfortable here was to know my way around.” Then I quirked a brow… “What did you think when lunchtime rolled around, and I didn’t run off to the mess?” I chuckled. “Losing your edge there, Reyes.” I teased her.

I raised my bros in shock at her turning #Griffin down. “Wow! Really? I’m so proud!” Then I thought about it “Isn’t that more the Docs forte anyway… the effects of cryo on the human body and blah, blah, blah.”

“”Shh!!” I pressed one finger to her lips… mushing them into a funny shape and laughing. “No work talk… days off are to be spent with friends… so…. Come on! What’s next?” I smiled… I felt… lighter… and it was so easy. It was always easier near her.

I started walking down the hallway, it was selfish… but I didn’t want #Shaw to decide to tag along. Even if I was certain he had a way to find whoever he wanted on this ship if he really wanted to.

“Come on, Rey… you have to know all of the best spots to have fun around here.”

•— Raven —•

“Okay fine, it’s a good question. But in my defence. I wasn’t looking around much in the mess. If I had stopped to think. I’m sure I’d have worked it out.” I hoped to myself at least. But his chuckling sound was worth the brain fart moment.

I was smiling too, nodding my head and laughing a little when I spoke.

“I didn’t think she would let me off the hook so easily, but she gave in when I gave her my ‘don’t make me boom you, Griff’ voice” I didn’t. Or at least I don’t think I did. But it was worth a little elaboration. Sighing and nodding my head as I began to speak, but….

My face felt mushed, and my lips… his finger was on it! I was going to bite it, or lick it, or…. Well… I stopped my mouth from doing something awkward and laughed instead.

Following John down the corridor wasn’t difficult, I’d been the one to pull him out, and inserted myself into his day.

“Anyway….” Pushing my hands into the pockets of my jumpsuit, catching up to his stride for now. “That’s my point… with Abby and the council meetings. I’m the ‘doer’ not the brains behind the how and what if. Sure I can’t talk about the details of the machine but do they need to know it? The worries I would have if I were them…. Is it safe, has it been tested, will our families be safe. The science… you know?”

I knew I was on a tangent. Sighing again I stopped looking at the back of John. Recalling one of his concerns about the ship.

“I don’t know this ship like the back of my hand. So… want to go explore with me?” Watching him for his reaction.

•— John —•

I chuckled and smiled at her. “Nah... it’s a good sign… it means you were enjoying your time with the kids.”

I kept my pace slow; she was already hurting, and I didn’t want to make it any worse. “First of all; you are always the brains… but second… can’t you just trot out the screws and tell the people they were in the chambers for almost one hundred years? And they've been in and out of them a few times, right? On the way out to their mission and again on the way back. Show the living, breathing, walking, and talking results of the chamber.”

She stopped and I kept going a few steps... thinking she was hurting… but she always caught up… I knew she hated it when people slowed down for her. But when she asked her question, I turned with a grin.

“Now you're speaking my language, Rey!” Then I tilted my head and took a step in her direction. “I wanna add one thing though! Remember that bet we made… I still have ten questions. I want to ask one today.”

•— Raven —•

My brow furrowed considerably, John always seemed to act as though he didn’t understand or care about the situations around us. However, he had changed. Taking comments and actions into consideration, and even giving his opinion on the matter too. Part of me thought I’d lost this side of John. That I wouldn’t see it in a long while as he readjusted to our new life, but more so the people.

I stood pleasantly surprised and proudly proven wrong. “The council have met Miles, Lizzy. The others weren’t up to the challenges to discuss their time in the pods and tell you the truth I don’t blame them. Waking up to so much change and losing all that time.”

I empathised with the others who woke up. I started to catch up to John, nudging him with my elbow.

“There you go, trying to weasel your way in by being charming. But… also factual. I am the brains.” Laughing until he reminded me of his win.

“I’m not going to lie. I forgot about it.” My hazel eyes turned their attention on him, trying to gauge the severity of these questions. “But it’s only fair. We agreed to ten questions. So… you have ten questions.”

Gesturing for him to continue walking towards the elevators. We’d need to pick a level we hadn’t seen previously.

•— John —•

I couldn’t lie… I hadn’t really thought about that… that they’d woken up in an entirely different world. But then again they had accepted a mission that had them in cryo. “Isn't that kinda what they signed up for, though?” I asked, genuinely… “Obviously not the apocalypse… how long was the mission meant to be originally… Twenty-five… fifty years? No one could be sure what you could come home to after that long.”

Sure, It was still a shock… but the planet was in a major climate crisis… there were wars everywhere. Did they really expect to return to the exact same world? Had they lost any more than the first generation of Arkadians? But one thing was for sure. Being born in space… seemed like a better option to me. Considering everything I went through… that is saying something. At the Ark was always the Ark... Well, until it wasn’t.

I stepped into the lift with her and smiled. “So… where have you not been so far?” I asked her, figuring she'd probably seen more of the ship than me… with the repairs she’d have carried out. “Let’s go exploring somewhere neither of us has been yet,” I mentioned nothing about the question I was going to ask… I would find a moment later. As long as she didn’t pick the prison floor… I had zero desire to go back there, and I honestly didn’t want Raven to see it… even if the chances were she already had.

•— Raven —•

“I don’t know John.” I began walking down the corridor again towards the elevators. I had some insight into the minds of the crew through #Miles, but would it be breaking of his trust to bring it up? “The only way I can say I understand it, even when you know you make a choice to do the work and job they did. They knew their friends, families, people they knew were living a life, growing old, dying with a full life.”

Pushing my hair back over my shoulder, recalling the loss I had felt in my life. “But to wake up, find out they are all gone, and why? Knowing there is no one on the planet you called home, who was even related to them? It’s a lot.”

Coming to a stop before the metal doors, I pushed the button with the down arrow. “There is some part of their story which resonates with me. I’m not sure how, or why. However, I feel for them, John. And I don’t want them to relive their memories if it cases them pain.”

Stepping from foot and foot, I gave up and lent against the wall. Pointing my finger down.

“I say we do it the way we did on Becca’s Island? Start from the bottom and make our way up? If you are game?”

•— John —•

“I get that… But maybe they just need to see that people come out as healthy as they were when they went into the bad.”

I knew the feeling… I had been there a matter of months, and I could barely stand to look at the burning planet. I watched her little shuffle, and I knew she was hurting. “Sounds good to me,” I said, I leaned back against the wall next to her, set my feet about a foot away and braced myself back against the wall. I reached for Raven. “C’mon… no one is watching, lean on me,” I told her pulling her over to rest her hip against my thigh. Almost like sitting on my lap but not. “I’m a little more comfortable than the wall.” I chuckled. “Take the pressure off, it’ll take a minute to get all the way down.” I wasn’t sure it felt different to touch her when we were alone… It felt like a violation when others were around… like they might guess my feelings for her and see something more. But when it was me and her… most of the time it just felt like she was my friend… she was in pain, and I could help. Of course, there were moments… but if I let myself think of those I would never get out of that loop.

I paused for a moment and then finally said it. “Can we skip the prison floor?” I asked. “I checked it out already and I don’t really want to go back… plus I don’t think you need to see it.”

•— Raven —•

“Yeah, I get your point for sure. I’ll bring it up with Marcus, Abby, and the others when I see them. It can’t hurt if we stick to the facts and don’t ask questions.”

John didn’t wait for me to reply before pulling me into his side. The moment i allowed the weight off my hip I felt a rock life up and off my chest. I didn’t move away or fight him. John Murray was one of the few people in my life who had seen me at my worst, and still he stood here. No matter our issues, our problems, our ups and downs. We were going to rebuild our friendship.

Pain had become my not to silence partner in life. But I’d learnt soon after the fact, that the more space I gave it in my thoughts, the less it would let me live. So, it was always the case of pushing forward until I couldn’t take anything more.

“This reminds me of the evenings at home…. I mean… in the mansion, when you talked me into leaving the lab for the first time.” Resting my head to the side I closed my eyes before opening them again. “No matter how tight of a hold the pain had on me.

You found a way to take the pressure off a little.”

I took a deep breath, turning my eyes on John. I knew why he didn’t want to go to that level. And I wouldn’t push him to tell me more until he was ready.

“Sure, deck eight isn’t the vibe… we can go straight down to deck ten. So much more to see in the waste disposal system anyway.” Elbowing him to say. I got you. Don’t worry.

I recalled a moment in my workshop, where John had said he would share his thoughts me later. But I pushed that away. If he remembered, he would tell me. I was sure about that.

•— John —•

Raven didn’t even hesitate about moving to lean on me… Was this it? Were we back to where we’d been in the Mansion?… I smiled thinking about it, keeping my hand on her waist I was sure that just like the Ark; the lifts of this ship were prone to sudden stops or jolts on occasion… they were all at least a century-old after all.

“It was a lot of trial and error. And ducking.” I teased. “But you’d be surprised by the number of ways you can turn a human body into a temporary chair.” I chuckled. “And you can call it home… I promise I won’t have a breakdown.” I didn’t want her censoring herself because she was worried about how I might react. “It was home. But we’ll make a new one.”

I turned to thank but she was looking at me and I swallowed hard. Remember those moments I was talking about? Yeah… “There they are,” I smirked, covering. Those little gold stars were showing in those hazel eyes again. “Feeling better?”

Then the rest of what she said hit me. “Wait! Waste disposal…. Is this the part where you float me and tell everyone it was a system failure?”

•— Raven —•

“Yeah? Maybe you need to start making a list of all the ways. See how far we can get.” Thankful for the opportunity to find some form of support right now.

“You are maybe able to hold on. But John. I can’t make the same promise. It… it felt like home…. You are right…” I knew he would make a comment about me acknowledging him being right. However here we were. “After so long… we found a place to stay where nobody wanted kill us each night… well… kinda…”

Frowning a little, I tilted my head. “There who is?” What had he seen that I hadn’t? And then I burst out laughing so hard!!

“Oh… please! I wouldn’t float you. Where is the fun in that? Keeping you with me is a way better way to torture you.”

•— John —•

“Vital medical research.” I nodded, very serious. Then laughed.

I let out a breath… “I’m not too sure I believe it just yet. But I’m trying… and as #Lizzie says… I have my girls.” I chuckled, poking my fingers into her waist indicating she was one of the girls the army medic so easily called 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖. “And… I’m trying.” I said it again… because… well there wasn’t anything else to say. It seemed like there was no end to the trying, no matter what #Jackson told me.

I ignored her question with a cheeky grin… knowing that another conversation about her eyes might send me to that place again. She was having fun…. Hurting, but having fun. She had to learn how to feel both at once; because one of those things wasn’t ever going away.

“So kinky Reyes!” I teased her when she mentioned torture. “I mean… they always say the nerdy ones have the wildest streaks… but you just take it too far.” The red number nine scrolled by on the screen above the door. I wrapped my arm all the way around her and held on a little tighter as the lift clunked down to ten and stopped with only a light jolt.

•— Raven —•

“Your girls?” I asked with a raised brow. He had girls? When his poked me it clicked what #Lizzie must have meant, making me laugh.

There were times when the woman had watched the closeness of our group, and I had caught the moment smiling. Proud that we are a people could still relate to the realisation of having someone to care for, and who cared for us.

Laughing I shimmied in his arms. “We only have our kinks to keep us company on dark nights, John… don’t knock them until you try some.” Giving him comedic kissy lips laugh. This was us… where we had come… the distance we had travelled together as friends. We were finding our way back!

His hands around me, brought my face to him and then above the doors, seeing the ride down was coming to its end.

Taking a moment to breathe and gather my willpower. “Here we go. No don’t go screaming if something jumps out at you.” Warning him was funny too.

Straightening up once the elevator came to a still and the door slid open.

•— John —•

I mushed her lips again when she pulled that face and laughed… Just in time too… Sure I was trying hard to be her friend… but wriggling against me like that? I was only human after all. But that face was so comical I laughed… seeing her have this much fun was long overdue. Today… the night we shared the ice cream… she was smiling again. Laughing. Living. And doing it while taking her pain in stride.

It was all I wanted for her. Well, that and some kind of miracle to take away her pain, at least the pain in her body… the other kind; I wasn't sure either of us would ever fully be rid of that.

“Oh!! So that’s what you do at night?” I teased her. “You volunteering? Because I have roommates… I’m not sure they would appreciate the 𝕥𝕣𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖 part.” I laughed. Because it was what we did… the weird, utterly ridiculous pseudo-flirting.

I put a hand on her back until she was on her feet, then let her be. “If something jumps out at me Reyes… I’m tossing you at it and legging it.” I laughed. We both knew there was no way… we were well past that… but I was much too good of a joke not to use it. I had literally been shot at trying to save her from danger… which was kinda fair… considering… well, you know. I actually shot her.

But in the Spirit of… jovial cowardice… I waited in the lift and motioned to her.

“As always, Rey.” I winked. “Ladies first!”

•— Raven —•

“Wait. Volunteering for what exactly?” Looking towards the door and then him. Recognition dawned upon me the moment I said the words, making me grin.

With a flat palm to his face, I playfully pushed his face to the side. “John boy…. You wouldn’t survive the night if I did. So, let’s not pretend you wouldn’t have the time of your life trying to stay alive.”

Pushing off I took two steps back before facing the long dark corridor as the lights began to come on with a loud switch sound as each one came on.

“Now… that’s not going to be a problem at all. I was planning of tripping you over. I don’t need to be fast, just faster than the slowest person. So, good to know neither of us needs to live with the consequences and guilt if the other person is knocked off.”

I knew it was far from the truth. I wouldn’t leave him alone. Not again. Not ever.

“Come on slow coach, we had a ship to explore, and monsters to banish.”

•— John —•

I laughed and licked her palm when she pushed me, trying to bite her finger before she pulled away. “Stop threatening me with a good time, Reyes. We both know you’re all talk.”

“Ouch!!!” I clutched my chest like I was wounded and like I hadn’t said the exact same thing to her. I followed her out of the lift… I froze. The flickering lights along the hallway were a little too like the dream where I was running to find her, and the hallway never seemed to end. I shook my head… I was awake… Raven was right there walking and talking.

I knew that neither of us would ever leave the other behind again… and despite the vast difference in our feelings for one another; this was for the exact same reasons… we’d come through too much. It wasn’t because I was in love with her that I couldn’t leave her behind… it wasn’t because I kept her alive that she wouldn’t leave me behind. It was because right now… we were keeping each other alive.

I clapped my hands together, swallowing my idiotic thoughts and matching her speed. “Let’s go be monster hunters!” I laughed.

“So, I never saw the waste disposal on the Ark…. Is it just a giant airlock?” I needed to keep my mind busy.

•— Raven —•

“Shut up, Watcher. One of these days you’ll learn how I’m not all talk. And then you’ll wish it was all a joke!” Giving another once of my shoulder shakes as I walked down the corridor. “Clearly forgotten about the Manson pranks I helped with.”

Giving him the ‘I’m watching you.’ Gesture with my fingers…

Coming to a stopped I glanced over the doors to either side of the hallway, wondering where to even begin. Until I remembered. “My note book!”

Patting my jump suit, I found it in a back pocket pulling it out. “ Waste disposal? You weren’t even assigned down there? Big shock.” Shaking my head as i thumbed through the pages.

“They wouldn’t have let anyone without hight levels of Clarence down there. Because…” looking over towards him as I spoke. “They turned Trash-to-Gas. It was a good way to use a thermal degradation process to, convert waste items into a gas that the crew could either reuse onboard or dispose of via gas venting overboard the spacecraft. It meant we used absolutely everything and didn’t go polluting space where possible.” Not adding the fact that they floated people like we were disposable by the end of our life on the Ark.

Finding the page I was looking for.

“Here we go. Right so on this deck we have:

Transport drop.

Waste disposal

The Shuttle Control Room

A Landing Pad

Some Workshops… oh I so want to see those…

An Escape Pods and the Cargo Bay… think there may be some more of that ice cream stuff in there?” I asked.

•— John —•

I laughed. I would have said prove it… but she wasn’t what someone would call shy. If she called my bluff I had no idea how I might react. “I’m still hearing nothing but threats of a good time.” I teased. Teasing was safe, teasing was our thing.

I gave her a sultry twirl when she the 𝕖𝕪𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕞𝕖 gesture, giving her a nice little arse wiggle as I did too. “See what you're missing out on Reyes!” I laughed harder now then I coughed. “Geek!” and patted my chest when she took out the notebook.

I scoffed. “They put me on janitorial for my internship, Raven… not that it mattered, I was in the skybox a year later.” I chuckled at her revelation… thinking back on the old movies, they would show sometimes. “Do you think people from before the Cataclysm ever imagined that waste disposal would become a high-security job? They threw everything out all the time.”

I rolled my eyes… because before she mentioned high-level clearance waste disposal sounded like the most boring thing on this level. “But you’ve gotten me all worked up for waste disposal now! You aren’t a tease are you, Rey?” I waggled my brow like I wanted her to say yes and grinned.

•— Raven —•

I didn’t know if John had a death wish, or the need to poke at the bear. But I so wanted to smack his arse when he shook it at me. You got lucky that I was out of reach, and couldn’t be doing to moving in closer just now.

“I’m a proud Geek, thank you so much for recognising my potential.” Bowing my head, because there was no way I could do a full curtsy.

Closing the notebook, I folded it in half pushing it back into the pocket it came out of.

I actually thought about his question. “I mean they must have been thinking around it at some point, right?”

Glancing around and then back at him. “There were those, who tried to consume less, and pollute the planet less. They would be happy to see we managed to do more with waste production?” Pointing up.

“I’ve been looking over the inmate files for here... Some of them on here were what they called activists. They went to the extreme to bring action to the dangerous situation the planet was in…. So… you know…”

Shrugging my shoulders, before I stopped all I was doing and saying, stepping into him with a deadpan expression.

“Oh… John… Murphy… I’m the biggest tease you will ever see.” Poking my tongue out at him and laughing my head off. I knocked my shoulder into his.

“Come on…. Let’s keep walking.”

•— John —•

I knew she going to say that. She was proud of how hard she worked to get where she was and proud of it; as she should be.

“Yeah, I’m sure there were a lot of people trying to fix it. Just not enough of them I suppose…” I scoffed a laugh. “Figures, doesn’t it? Locking people up for trying to save the world.” I shook my head.

“Careful! If there’s a solar flare your face will get stuck like that.” I repeated the thing the grow-ups used to tell us on the Ark when we pulled faces. I followed her down the hallway, there weren’t any doors for a long way. So the rooms down here had to be pretty big. Unlike the other levels with a door every few feet.

“Did you say there was a cargo hold… Like supplies… or whatever they were mining? It would make sense for the mined material to be down here, wouldn’t it? Easier to unload when they land on Earth. My head stayed on the swivel… then moved to Raven to check on how deep her limp was… but when she was in adventurer mode, she seemed to forget her pain… and I wasn’t sure it was a good thing… it had to catch up with her eventually.

“Slow down a little, Rey… this isn’t a race. Unless you're that eager to get out of my company?” I teased; I knew it was ridiculous. She’d decided to go exploring with me at the very bottom of the ship. She had plenty of chances to politely part company… but she had chosen to spend her free time with me.

•— Raven —•

“I’d still be beautiful and more importantly intelligent.” Tapping the side of my head. “Maybe not as intelligent as I was on the island… but I still have a few boom sticks to prove my point.”

Of course… I wouldn’t use explosives on board, and no… I didn’t bring any with me… but the threat was just funny to use now.

Rolling my eyes and slowing my step. There was an underlying sense of urgency whenever I set out to achieve something. Planning… Creating… or exploring. It brought out my inner child.

I smiled remembering how #Finn would go out of his way on days my mom was having a bad time. Finding silly things, he could turn into something mysterious or adventurous, just so I would take him on a hunt around the Ark to find the answers.

Reaching out I curled my arm around Johns, walking step in step with him.

“I don’t know what they kept down here, which is why we’re here. My search so far hadn’t been successful in finding the contents of the hold. But my thoughts were going down the same direction as yours. They were a mining company ship… they were on their way back… so… I would expect a full load?”

I turned my hazel eyes to look at him, playfully punching the arm I held onto. “Sure, this is how I act when I want to get away from someone?” He knew better. He had witnessed me running away! Even joined me at times.

•— John —•

I stopped walking. “Rey… you are way smarter now than you were with the code in your brain… You’re surviving. Not trying to kill yourself in search of some other cause. You are fighting for all of us, but for yourself too. And whatever keeps you alive, will always be the smarter choice.” I shook my head at the words that spilled out without my consent. “Because if you die we are all fucked… And we both know you're beautiful.” I winked at her so she would believe it was just more flirty banter.

Then the last part of what she said dawned on me. “Let’s not play with boom sticks on the century-old spaceship… at least not until the planet is fit for human habitation again.”

I smiled when she linked her arm around mine and patted her arm, half teasing, half affectionate. “Good plan… you don’t know how to take it easy. This way all you have to do is match your pace with mine.” She explained what she had… or rather hadn’t learned, about the cargo hold. “Damn, now I don’t know if I want to visit the highly restricted waste disposal or the mysterious cargo bay first.”

There were those bright gold rings around her iris again, beaming at me. I smiled. “It’s my animal magnetism.” I chuckled. “You can’t help but want to be close to me. It’s not your fault… I’m just so gorgeous that you can’t control your subconscious.” I chuckled and we walked until we were faced with a sign. ‘Cargo Bay with an arrow one way and ‘Waste Disposal’ with an arrow in the opposite direction.

“Decisions, decisions, Reyes… What is it gonna be?”

•— Raven —•

“I know I’m intelligent, Watcher. I… well... you know. I wish I was as fast as I was down there.” Holding my finger in the air. “However, not missing the so-called naps, and the reaper stick.” Laughing now that he’d given me the exact reaction, I’d expected about setting off the boo. Sticks.

Giving him a deep low and soft sigh before bursting out in laughter. “Animal magnetism? Aren’t you the one who was about to be eaten by the monster in the water? That’s how much the animals were supposedly attracted towards you.”

Right away I buried all of the flashing images and emotions coming rushing at me at 100 mph. What was I even thinking? Actually, this is proof that I wasn’t thinking! Being with him always made me relax, to the point where I didn’t have any guards up, which meant not being able to think clearly.

Shaking my head. “Scratch that… i really don’t want to hear any jokes about you becoming monster bait.”

“Is it really even a debate?” Pointing in the direction of the cargo bay. Come on, John. You want to see what is in there? Think about all the stories a trip in you could inspire you to tell all your new friends?” Those kids were intrigued and besotted by him.

“You know we can see if we could find more treasures and treats!” Why was I even trying to entice him? I just began dragging him down the corridor, with the lights going out behind us, and more coming on in front.

•— John —•

This was a sentiment that we didn’t share… on the island, the code; it terrified me. “Well, I’m sorry that you miss it… but I can’t pretend I do… every time you came out with another brilliant, unthinkable plan, it frightened me… I thought… this will be the one…” The one that kills you… those words were left unsaid.

I rubbed my arm at the mention of that creepy sea creature. The scar was still thick and gnarly. Not that it was the only one I had… or even the worst. “Yeah, let’s put a hold on the nap talk too, we can save that for a wild night and a sugar crash.”

Before I could even get a word in, she was dragging me down the hallway. I laughed and looked back at the clunks behind me. The lights were switching off behind us. “Well, that's not ominous,” I muttered, looking back. Then I turned my attention back to Raven. “Cargo bay it is! I laughed, matching my pace to hers… then slowing it, she was practically running again. “Will you slow down for once in your life, woman!” I teased her.

“Also… about that... the kids, I mean… I'm not so sure that we should encourage them to call me Seda.” I remembered the moments before we left the classroom. “It's a term of respect… an honour to the grounders. I don’t think that they would like their children using it with Skaikru… The kids just see someone teaching them numbers they don’t realise the depth of it.

Lights flashed to life ahead of us and I had to blink away the images of my dreams once more. I tightened my arm around Raven’s. I'm reminded myself:

I'm awake.

She's here.

We’re both alive.

She’s here. She’s here.

•— Raven —•

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪…

He didn’t have to complete the sentence, for me to hear, and understand where he is coming from. I knew I messed up the moment I said it. I had been selfish in a way to give life to that thought which I knew was ridiculous. I was on a path towards death when the code was in my head. Each day could have been my last, #Abby had placed John in charge of looking after me while I worked. So, he had a front row seat to the decline of my capacity to maintain my sanity. And now, now I was telling him I missed that time and the opportunity to use the code like some lost lover? What was wrong with Me?

“I’m, sorry! I didn’t mean to romanticise what happened to me. I just….” Then I shook my head. I wouldn’t justify my mistake. So I said “I’m sorry.”

Glancing back with him again, “it’s to save power. It’s one of the main reasons why this ship is in working condition right now. Without anyone away to keep it afloat, things like that.” I pointed back over my shoulder. “Helped the ship going.” Once again, my voice had a note of surprise. “And with such basic coding and software too…. Amazing how it all words together.”

Without realising I’d sped up my pace, but John was right there to slow me down so that I wouldn’t injure myself. I did as I was told, because it would all still be there, even if it took us five minutes more to reach it.

“Wait… why?” I asked. “Seda means teacher... and if you are teaching them something, then why…” Then I remembered. John had spent more time with the grounders. “You didn’t ask them to call you Seda, John. The children bestowed the title upon you. I don’t believe it’s disrespectful. But... you tell me. Why do you feel this way?”

Then without warning his hands tightened. “Hey… Watcher…” Placing my other hand over his. “ I’m right here with you… We are together…” Whispering with slow calm breathing.

“Tell me what’s going on?” Concern filling my eyes.

•— John —•

I shook my head. I was ridiculous. Wasn’t I supposed to be learning to do better in my head-shrinking classes… I mean… therapy sessions. “No… I’m sorry, Raven. It happened to you… not me. You should be able to process that in any way you want to.” I pulled myself together. “I was there for most of it, you should and you can talk to me about it.”

“Hmm…” I had turned back to the darkness behind us. It was at least ten feet behind us so it really shouldn’t have mattered… right? I processed her words, at last. “Oh yeah, I know…” She was nerding out again and I tried to watch her and not the light clicking to life ahead of us and vanishing behind us. I focused on the word #Seda.

“It’s just… It’s used with respected members of their communities, leaders and elders… seasoned warriors that take apprentices… some like Delano may be okay but others might not take it so well.” I tilted my head. “I’ll talk to #Luna about it… see what she thinks.” She would have the best instincts. “I know the kids don’t mean to disrespect their own people… but the adults might…”

The clunking of the lights slowed as we did. My heart wasn’t as quick to slow its pace.

Her hand was on mine again and… my heart stopped… just for the span of a few beats… or maybe my brain shut down? That seemed more likely because there was my heart again, still hammering away. “Um… did you remember the medical level in the bunker… the room with the…” Where the tank was. Just say the words!

“The lights in the corridor… they were like this… turned on in front and off behind you… My… eh… Sometimes… most times. In my nightmares, I’m in the corridor but the lights just keep flickering on and on and there is no end.” I told her all of this without hesitation… But I couldn’t give her more horrors to add to her dreams, the image of her half-frozen dead body. She had plenty of her own trauma, she didn’t need mine.

“But I’m okay… Or… I’m almost okay. In my dream I’m alone… I’m now, I’m awake… you are proof of that.” I touched her arm, wanting to assure her that I was going to be fine. “Just keep having your geek attack about energy efficiency…. It's oddly comforting.”

•— Raven —•

I didn’t tell him not to apologise, there was no point. We’d been here before; John and I both knew how to handle guilt. As in we held on to it hard! This was no different. We’d end up giving in and paying lip service, and I didn’t want that for our friendship.

We were going to do this right. It was a promise I would keep and bring him along with me.

When I came out of my thoughts, my eyebrows pulled together at how John’s demeanour had been affected by… what? He was looking over his shoulders. So, I did the same. Glancing back, but no one was there. Nothing looked out of place.

“Uhmm.. yeah…” I agreed with him. “Yeah. Luna would know how to deal with this situation without being offended by what the children have said.” Okay, I understood now where his trepidation stemmed from. I couldn’t handle it anymore; I’d been about to stop him walking. To ask him what was wrong or ask him if there was something down here giving him some form of anxiety. However, John began sharing of his own accord. Without prompting, or questioning, or even threatening him with a boom stick!

But this is when my heart sank. My feet slowed even further as he spoke and came clean over what was going on in his mind. I was stunned into silence. Parts of his fears came freely, he was sharing, and I was listening without any judgment.

I wanted to drop his hand and draw John into an embrace, to hold my friend and show him I was here. Instead, I squeezed the hand he’d motioned towards. Half smiling, thankful I had made the correct decision when following him out of the makeshift classroom.

This is where I was meant to be. Because I was one or the reasons for this fear of his… Hells! “I’m not going to give you false hope and say it will pass. But I am going to say… as long as I am breathing, you’ll always have me, and my geeky brain to help draw you free from your nightmares.” And I would do something about these lights, as soon as I knew what and how to work it all.

•— John —•

She stopped and listened, she heard everything I was saying. She always made the time to hear me out. She was going to draw a parallel with that corridor and her crazy, reckless, miracle cure. I didn’t need to add the thought of me finding her body into the mix of her own nightmares.

I gave her a smile and a chuckle. “What more could a man ask for?” Those gold flecks had dulled again, and I shook myself, making a silent promise to light them up again. I knew I couldn’t tell her that she gave me more hope than she knew… that she kept the nightmares away. It wasn’t fair. She had chosen to take a room to herself, she needed her space… because of course, she did, when she was sick, she was monitored twenty-four-seven… By me and the very people I had become dependent on. The people I found myself struggling to survive without one or more of them with me. Raven… alone with her… that was different.

So, no… telling her that she was my human dreamcatcher? Not an option, I couldn’t take her hard-won independence from her. She earned it. She wanted it.

Without thinking I leaned in and brushed a light kiss to her temple and whispered. “I’m glad I have you to rely on.” Because ‘Thank you.’… no, she wouldn’t accept thanks for this, she wouldn’t want it.

But my heart was racing again. And the lights still clunked. We started to walk again; her hand still in mine, I might have my proof I was awake right here with me… but I wasn’t about to stand still long enough to let that encroaching darkness catch up to us.

‘You know you can always come and find me too, right?… if… the dreams are… well you know.” I squeezed her hand and brushed it with my thumb. “Or maybe we should scrounge up parts for those walkies you made at the drop ship.” I tilted my head… “Would they work in space?” and then I added against and distracting from what was likely the awful idea of that kiss… “Oh my god! You are turning me into a geek now!”

•— Raven —•

I knew there was something else unsaid between us, however I trusted John enough to know when he was ready, he would tell me. Maybe it was the grounder he had feelings for?

Shit! The thought only came to me now? Maybe what John had been trying to do was go see her? And then I tagged along and here he was. In the belly of a ship, in a dark corridor reminding him of his nightmares.

Fuck! I was messing up his life before I could even strengthen our friendship again. Why the hells couldn’t I think without my heart taking over when it came to him and #Luna?

And I was holding his hand? What if this unnamed girl saw us? Okay.. fine.. she wouldn’t down here.. but what if she saw us in the main ship? What was wrong with me?

My mind was like an apiary, without the honey with just the bees with their stings out to hit! (Or at least that’s what it felt like from all the information in the archives I gathered.) but who really knew? Miles’s name and Lizzie came to me now……

All the craziness and the thoughts went silent when my friend kissed the side of my head. Making my head go quiet to regroup. My words were my promise to him. I would have his back from this moment forward.

“I know… I know I can come find you and Luna.” But I wasn’t going to. We all had our nightmares to live with, but Luna and John They had such a hard time with theirs. I’d never add to that darkness.

I decided to turn the conversation in a different direction. “You know how I said I got you… there’s a caveat… if you mess with Abby… you’re in your own… I’m not going to get my arse grounded to my quarters because you gave her lip.” Nudging him again as we walked.

“Oh please, you were inducted into the geek squad the day you decided to help me build the distillery back at home. And you know you loved every minute of that day too. So don’t you dare deny it now.” Smiling, because somewhere there he’d found a way to bring me back.

“Well… Technically, yes walkie talkies should work up here. And now that I think of it… Maybe they actually might work somewhat better in space than on Earth, because up here in space there are far few obstacles obcuring line of sight between the two radios. In essence the sound waves should travel better.”

Coming to a stop before two large metal doors, which looked as though they hadn’t been opened yet. Reading the words out loud.

“ＣＡＲＧＯＨＯＬＤ”

•— John —•

She was doing that overthinking thing again… but it was much less scary without that sword dangling over her head. She could think all she wanted and the worst-case scenario was a headache. And possibly her working herself till she fainted… but it was easy to guilt her into eating by telling her she was setting a bad example by skipping rations.

I was about to say that this was completely fair, but then I thought about it… “No deal, Reyes!! I went up against Abby on your behalf a few times! I should get at least one credit for a major screw-up with Abby.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I swear I heard the muscles straining. “That was just working with my hands… following instructions.” I chuckled. I remembered that day… it was a good day… easy. She was happy, still working but not on something that was going to fry her mind. I wasn’t worried… or I wasn’t as worried as I had been… I just enjoyed being with my friend. “That was a great day…” I smiled… The nightmares were pushed deep into the recesses of my mind by the memories.

“The crew of the ship must have had some kind of communication system other than those tablets, right?” I was thinking of the one Abby gave me for the rations… and how there was a way to send messages between them, the doc had sent me a few regarding changes needed in nutrition for her active patients who were still recovering.

I stopped in front of the doors with her… “Wow…” They were huge… like tall enough for two people to walk through with one standing on the shoulders of the other and the entire width of the hall.

“What the hell were they keeping in here that the needed doors this big? They were mining on a meteor, right? They were hardly using heavy machinery…” I was thinking out loud now. I motioned to the keypad… “Do you have the code?” I knew she did…she had all the codes.

•— Raven —•

My lips curled up into a big smile. See… we could do this… we could find our way back to the good medium we had reached in the manor.

“Why do you always want to fight me and batter for everything I’m not willing to give you, Watcher?” Rolling my eyes to pretend like I was actually thinking about it before offering… “fine. One major screw up and as a gesture of goodwill, I’ll throw in a minor repair if you mess up too?”

Nodding my head. “Yeah, there is still a lot of techs we haven’t had a chance to look at. We were on kind of a time crunch.” And that still has taken me too long to get back down to my friends and the people on Earth. I pushed those thoughts down. They were for my nightmares. Not now.

“You do know me, right? Of course I have the codes.” Waggling my shoulders and eyebrows teasing him. For a moment, we needed to take the laughs where we found them. Or at least it’s what I told myself.

Shrugging my shoulders at his question on, what was on this ship. “The full picture was painted for the curiosity of the council, and sure I’d done some digging when Griffin wasn’t happy to trust the crew who survived. But I didn’t find anything out of the ordinary… well… in the official logs anyway.” However, there was a growing sense of concern growing in the pit of my stomach.

“Why do we always expect the worst from these situations?” I asked before stepping up to the keypad to punch in the master code #Miles has shared with me.

“If anything was off, we wouldn’t have been given a free run to do what we like on this ship, right?”

To Be Continued....

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #storyline10 #Partners in Crime

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oktorpg · 11 months ago

Text

Sugar Rush - Storyline 09 - Book 3 – Chapter 4 - Together

Did Raven just say John made the right decision???

@ToldUIdSurvive & @LittleBirdRey

#Stargazer & #Watcher #OKTO #The100 #The100RP #RavenReyes #JohnMurphy

•— Raven —•

“No COMMENT!”

•— John —•

"Hey!! You said it and I have proof!"

•— Raven —•

“I think you are hallucinating.” Nodding my head once.

•— John —•

“I mean…. Kinda sounds like something I’d do… but in this case, I'm certain I'm right.”

•— Raven —•

“Are you? Are you absolutely certain though?”

•— John —•

"Absolutely!! Without a doubt!"

•— Raven —•

“Still feels like you could be wrong.”

•— John —•

“Just give me the win on this one Reyes!”

Flashing the baby blues at her.

•— Raven —•

“Where is the fun in the easy win, Murphy?”

Batting my lashes for the laughs.

•— John —•

Laughing.

“Can't blame a guy for trying.”

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head.

“Sure we can. Want me to start right now?”

•— John —•

Cocks my head to the side and leans against the wall with a shrug.

"I've gotta a little time... Go ahead. Get started."

Smirks, not watching that sexy little wiggle she had going on at all.

•— Raven —•

“Hells, John. You just took all the fun out of it. What’s the point when you want me to do it.”

Huffing with laughter.

•— John —•

I cupped my hand around my ear and leaned in her direction…

“0h… did you here that! That was the sound of a John Murphy victory. Stargazer!”

I laughed along with her.

•— Raven —•

“Whoa there in a moment! How is it a victory for you, Watcher? I’m standing here trying to be nice. And you’re stealing my kindness for a win? Rude!”

•— John —•

“If you were being nice you would have given me the win when I asked for it! But I made you laugh… so now I win anyway.”

Nods matter-of-factly.

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head. “No… if I had handed you such an easy win. You would have doubted it. Because when have I ever let you win without a fight? So… see.. I was being nice.”

•— John —•

“Now you're just flirting, Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

Blinks. “What? Me? No!“

Groans. “Nope. Not even a little.”

•— John —•

“Oops..." Smiles. “My mistake.”

•— Raven —•

“Glad we clarified it.” Noting the smile.

“You can stop smiling because you know….”

•— John —•

“Oh me too.... But my way would be far more enjoyable.”

•— Raven —•

“Because you’re planning on stripping for everyone up here too?”

Thinking back to a night in the mansion when we all had a little too much wine.

•— John —•

“Nah... But if you'd like another private show....”

Waggles my brows.

“Just say the word.”

•— Raven —•

Raising my eyebrow, and elbowing him in the stomach.

“Now who is the one flirting? All talk and no action.”

•— John —•

I nudged her right back with my shoulder. “I told you… if you want another look at the goods… you gotta ask!”

•— Raven —•

Blinking at him. “Excuse me. I never took a look the first time. Eye contact was maintained at all times.”

•— John —•

“Well... That’s a shame!”

Smiles... “But... I can't blame you... I've been told I have great eyes.”

•— Raven —•

Stepping up close making sure to maintain eye contact I soften my voice.

“Uhm.. you know what… wow… you’re so right.”

•— John —•

I made a point of not breaking eye contact.

“Am I?” I leaned in a little closer. “Do you need a closer look to be sure?”

•— Raven —•

Hells, was this backfiring on me?

“Uhmm… it can’t hurt, right?”

Tilting my head up acting like I needed a better look.

•— John —•

My fingers twitched by my sides, wanting… needing to be pressed ever so gently to her cheek… which of course was out of the question.

“They say eyes are the window to the soul… so maybe it could.” My voice was too soft. “Or maybe it’s where we find each other's broken pieces.”

•— Raven —•

Why in hells did what he just said make my cheeks burn? Taking in a slow deep breath, I bite the corner of my lips.

“You need to be careful, we wouldn’t want those windows broken.”

Swallowing, I made myself take a step back to punch his arm hard. “Your arm, however. It’s a game.”

•— John —•

I was pretty sure mine were well and truly shattered. But I chuckled when she punched my arm.

“Are you blushing, Stargazer?”

I smiled... Feeling a little victorious she looked away first.

•— Raven —•

“Me? No…are you?”

I stepped away from him to turn my back and rub my face with the back of my hand.

“I think we are coming back to that hallucinating thing again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled softly, yeah... she was blushing.

"Me?" I mirrored her answer. "Absolutely, yes. But hallucinating? I don't think so... not this time."

•— Raven —•

I turned back to face him with my eyebrows raised.

“Wait a minute. Why are you blushing?” Was that a thing now? John Murphy blushing?

•— John —•

I smiled and gave her a quick wink.

"You started it... So you tell me?" I teased.

•— Raven —•

“Me?” Placing my hand on my chest in surprise. “What did I start?”

•— John —•

“All of it.” I chuckled

“You brought up how pretty my eyes were... You moved in for a closer look... You blushed first... It's all you Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

“I…” frowning while trying not to laugh. I lower my voice into a slow sound.

“But your eyes are so pretty… like the ocean without the sea monster.” Fighting the curve of my lips.

•— John —•

I laughed at the sea monster comment but never looked away. “See... That's just not fair...” I licked my bottom lip. “I can't say anything like that about yours because they’re trying to be three colours all at once.”

•— Raven —•

My attention flicked for a breath to his lips before returning to his eyes again. I tilted my head a little because they looked a different shade of blue now.

“Who said anything about being fair?” My cheeks flushed, why the hells would he pay attention to my eyes? Closing them and covering them with one hand.

“I know, You cannot tell me what colour my eyes are.”

•— John —•

I bit the inside of my cheek, there was no way that flicker of her eyes was what I thought it was. No way. I was imagining things.

I laughed softly... If I had an inkling of artistic talent I could paint her eyes from memory. But I couldn't tell her that for the same reason she couldn't have looked at my mouth a second ago.

"Mostly they are brown, they get darker when you're angry or in pain. When you're inspired or emotional they brighten and there are little hints of gold right in the centre and when you're happy... like right now, it looks like there is a ring of amber around the edges that make it look like there's a light been switched on behind them."

I smirked keeping my gaze fixed on her where our eyes would meet when she dropped her hand. "Am I close?"

•— Raven —•

It was my mouth which dropped before my hand fell too, leaving me gazing back into his baby blue eyes now.

“That…” my mind worked to find the words and then I gave up and laughed. “Was a lot of information… things I’m sure you’ve made up just to make yourself sound intelligent. How in the burning hell would I know if my eyes changed colour when I was in pain, or angry? And I didn’t have a mirror to see what colour they were right now too.”

•— John —•

And there they were again, those bright, stunning eyes, a shade more gold now that her mind was racing to figure out if I was right or not.

“Maybe we should ask and independent party...” I quirked a brow. “Should we go find Jasper?” I chuckled. I wasn't about to mention #Shaw. “Or Monty! That would make him so uncomfortable and it would be fun to watch him squirm.”

•— Raven —•

Narrowing my eyes at him, he was doubling down. Or he was telling the truth? Either way, I needed to know.

“The first person we see.” I say walking backwards towards the door. “There has to be someone walking these corridors other than the two of us.”

Waving my hand. “Come on”

•— John —•

I chuckled and followed her. I little concerned about the walking backwards thing... "If you're trying to call my bluff it's not gonna work." I smirked.

When we were in the hall I gripped her shoulders lightly and turned her to face the direction that she was heading. "Because I'm not bluffing."

•— Raven —•

Turning to face the correct direction, I pulled a face at him. “You know there's not much I wouldn’t believe…”

Missing a step I rubbed my hip, correcting myself without an incident. “However, now you are trying to mess with my head.”

Was he calling my bluff, his bluff, our bluff? Are there any bluffs here at all? “Hells. I don’t even remember how we got here, but we are seeing it through.”

•— John —•

I noticed the small stumble and even though something inside me cried out to wrap my arm around her waist and take some of her weight, the rest of me knew that she had this. She was tough and independent and she didn't always need help.

"Trying..." I scoffed. "Please... you're running through the hallway looking for a stranger to ask them what colour your eyes are..." I smiled at her. "I'm not trying... I'm winning. I have your head totally spinning, Stargazer."

•— Raven —•

Halting my foot steps I spun to face him. “Ahah! You are messing with my head. You just admitted it! John Fucking Murphy… You’re starting a war you know I will not give up on.”

Pointing down the corridor where I could hear foot steps. “And right there… there comes a non-biased individual who I am sure will help us.”

Okay fine, my inner demon who loves to win was awake now.

•— John —•

“It wasn’t my goal...” I snickered. “Just a pleasant side effect of the truth.”

I heard the footsteps... And I knew it was going to be #Shaw, there wasn't a doubt in my mind... When I saw the military uniform my heart sank.

‘Well, well.... Look who finally made up!’ A woman’s voice drew my attention to her face.

“Lizzie!!!” I breathed a sigh of relief. “You have no idea how good it is to run into you.”

‘Aw... I know... But I've told you before sweetie... Your pretty but you’re not my type...’ She winked. ‘Why do you two look like you’re on a mission?’

•— Raven —•

I gave John a push to move out of the way, smiling as I did so. I hopped up to #Lizzie’s side and squeezed her arm.

“Don’t listen to him, I am the one on a true mission.” Not commenting on her evaluation of our walking together as making up. Because we had, right? -- ‘okay…’ she glanced between the two of us.

“I need you to look into my eyes.” Pulling her into me, and pushing my face up close and personal to hers.

‘Raven, back in my day. A girl asked for dinner first.’ She was laughing and looking confused.

“You can have my dry food okay? Now look into my eyes.”

She glanced to John as to say, ‘what’s going on?’ Before looking at me.,

‘Do you have something in your eyes? Do you need me to help—‘

“No, no.. what colour would you say my eyes are? Do you see them changing? Are they.. well, you tell me!”

•— John —•

I stepped to the side… maybe she had given me a nudge too…. maybe. I chuckled at a #Lizzie as she looked at Raven like she was losing her mind.

‘Um…’ Lizzie looked at me… looking to be saved, I shook my head. I wasn’t going to give her any hints. ‘Okay… you two are weird. I can work with weird.’ She shook her head and leaned in to look at Raven’s. ‘Eh… Hazel… You know, funny fact, people always say Hazel eyes are brown and green but it's actually a polygenic anomaly that means you can have brown, green, amber… all at once.’

“Nerd!” I pretended to cough to cover the word.

#Lizzie punched my arm. Hard! “Ouch!!” I glared at her.

‘Alright, then lover boy… what do you see when you gaze into her eyes…’ she raised a brow and folded her arms over her chest like she had me over a barrel.

I just smiled and said. “Stars…” Pausing for effect… “Dozens of little gold stars.”

Lizzie took Raven's chin and tilted her face up to look again… ‘Whoa…’ She looked fascinated… ‘Yeah… I…’ then she looked at me. ‘Why do all the good ones have a Y chromosome?’ She sighed.

•— Raven —•

What… was going on? How had things gone so head over tits without me even seeing it?

Polygenic anomaly? What was wrong with Hazel? Simple just like me. I have hazel eyes. But the two of these had other plans.

And then I heard it ‘Lover Boy’, wait. John was seeing someone? -- Hells that boy worked fast, he had been acting all put out by the number of souls on the ship, meanwhile he’d been working his magic?

It made me smile a little. He deserves it… right? That was what I felt? Yeah… hundred percent. My friend deserves happiness.

“Wait.. what did you just say?”

Pulling myself out of the thoughts.

‘He said Stars… he sees stars in your eyes.’ Her eyes were still trained on me. Then She pulled back reaching over to pull at one of his cheeks. ‘Yeah… you both are weird. A good kind.’

•— John —•

I chuckled, not answering Raven’s question until I’d smiled at Lizzie. “You've been very helpful Lizzie, thank you.”

She nudged me with her elbow and gave me a go-get-em tiger wink before she walked off waving one hand without looking back. ‘See you later, weirdos!’ she said and I knew it was a compliment.

“See... That one I like.” I smirked at Raven.

“So... I guess that means I'm right, right?”

•— Raven —•

“Wait….” I called out “do they change colour?” The sound of her laughter came, one more wave, and she turned the corner out of sight.

“Hells…” rubbing the side of my head, my hair was up too tight. “Uhm? Oh… do you really? You don’t like anyone!” My eyes remained on the spot were she had disappeared.

“No… She just said…” he had won. #Lizzie had said the same as he did, in a round about way.

“Fine. Fine. You win this one.”

•— John —•

“I mean… don’t tell her I said that…” I shrugged. “It was a tough start but she’s growing on me.” I grinned at Raven again her eyes a shade darker now, but still bright. “And there are a small few I like.” Then I started walking again glancing back to see if she was going to follow.

“So… what’s my prize?”

•— Raven —•

“Guess I didn’t make the cut.” Muttering it to myself with a half smile. We found ourselves on a rocky road, however someday. We would maybe find the way back to what we once had, right?

Crossing my arms over my chest, my eyes followed as he began to go in the same direction as #Lizzie.

“Well, as we didn’t agree to the prize first. You get to ask for it. What do you want?”

I didn’t have much up here to give, but I was certainly sure he would find something he wanted from what we did have.

Rubbing my hip, slowly I started walking after him.

•— John —•

I strained to make out what she said. But if she'd wanted me to hear it she would have made sure I did. I slowed to a stroll when I saw she was hurting.

"The mind boggles..." I smiled mischievously at her and turned to face. Standing only inches away... My eyes were on hers, again.

They were darker now... and only minutes ago; she'd been happy and joking. It stung something deep inside me. The smile faded to a more serious expression. "I want ten questions, and they all need to be answered fully, unguarded and without holding back." Asking for honesty was unnecessary, that was hardwired into Raven even when it shouldn't be. She was uncompromising when it came to the truth.

•— Raven —•

My body came to an abrupt stop, the tips of my boots stopping shy of hitting him, managing to keep my body from slamming into him too.

My eyes found him looking concerned. The explosion which had been light and bright now much darker.

What was he about to ask for? I wondered. There it was, the John Murphy I’d grown to know. My lips curved a little into a smile.

“This isn’t a prize, John. When have you known me not to be honest, and unguarded? I’m sure you have witnessed me being told to learn to hold back a little.” I shrugged my shoulders as I spoke.

“However, fine… ten questions… up close, true to their core, honest and without holding back.”

This prize I had no issues with this. How bad could these questions be? And what could he possibly want to know, that he didn’t know after our time on the island?

•— John —•

I chuckled a little deviously. “I know it sounds easy but just remember you need to answer completely, to the point of overkill… let’s pick an example… Say I ask you how much pain you are in… you’d not only have to tell me why you’ve been rubbing your hip for the last ten minutes but if you have a headache… stubbed your toe… or if you have a hangnail that’s been bugging you.” I kept my gaze on hers, waiting to see if the depth of my request sank in.

•— Raven —•

The look on his features should be setting off alarm bells, anyone with half a brain cell would turn and run.

“Hang nail?” That had to be a joke, right?

However, if we face facts. This is John Murphy, the Watcher… details were the one thing he didn’t miss. Wait… realisation, dawns on me. He’d been watching me? I hadn’t even thought about rubbing my hip, or about the pain that was a daily occurrence. But he had.

“Hells…” I whispered….

“How many questions did I agree too?”

•— John —•

I smiled… watching the realisation sink all the way into her always busy mind. It was then that I realised I needed to use these questions in a way that wouldn’t be abusing her trust or taking advantage of her.

“Ten.” I answered her… “And I plan on saving them for when I need them the most.”

•— Raven —•

“Saving them?” Of course, John Murphy found a loophole.

“Wait, that wasn’t the deal. You can’t just save them for when you need or want them!” There were no rules set to say otherwise.

“Hells! You’re going to keep them for years! Aren’t you?”

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Please! Like I have years ahead of me?” I was highly likely to be floated before we ever made it back to earth...

“But I’d say it will last a few months or so.”

•— Raven —•

I looked over at him in confusion. “Why have you gone and made plans that the rest of us need to worry about?”

Was he joking and pulling my leg now? Or had I missed something else?

•— John —•

“No plans.” I patted her shoulder reassuringly. “But we never know how much time we have, right? No point in letting it slip away...” then I smirked “At least... Not too much.”

•— Raven —•

I elbowed him in the side as he patted my shoulder. “Could you for once, just - I don’t know… make plans for something more than a day or a week away? Give us something to live for, maybe?”

•— John —•

I smiled at her... "Okay... First night back on earth..." I made a strong effort not to say if we get there. "We slip away and find somewhere to sleep where we can see the stars. It won't be the rose garden... but we can remember that night. That's worth living for isn't it?"

•— Raven —•

My heart felt a joy and a stab all at once.

“You remember the rose garden?” Uncertain why, however, I didn’t think it would be the first thing he’d say.

I looked across to him, nodding my head slowly. “It’s a deal. Shame we won’t have any of that wine Becca had hidden away.”

•— John —•

I smiled and chuckled softly. “I’m the one that brought you there remember?” The gold was back, glinting in her eyes but there was still a darkness there.

But I had a way to lift that. “But I wouldn’t be so sure about that last part.” She really should have looked through that bag I had shown her stashed under the bed we kept ready for her if she ever chose to come home.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, I know you were the one to bring me there, I just didn’t think it was something you would remember.”

So much had happened between us, to us. I didn’t think… well… you know… but it was safely locked away in my bank of memories.

The memories which came to an abrupt halt.

“John… Murph!” My eyes light up because something in my soul lights up like the northern star. “You didn’t have time to pack away bottles of wine! Did you?”

•— John —•

"I'll never forget that night Raven..." I laughed, remembering how was snuck through the mansion like misbehaving children playing spy games. We knew that no one would care... I honestly couldn't remember a time before that I had 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕖𝕕 like a kid... at least not after I got sick and caused the deaths of my parents.

"I had four days, Rey... we kept those lights on for you for four nights, or three and a half... but I told you. I searched the house and packed some things I knew you would want to keep. They're under your bed... in the bag, I had your music player in."

•— Raven —•

The smile that had begun to show on my lips disappeared abruptly.

Four days…. Hells…. I had left them there to wait for four days before I could make it back.

My stomach turned at the thought, of how #Jasper, #Luna and he had been when we found them.

“Yeah… I guess.” pushing the sensation of heat stinging behind my eyes.

“The music player was a good catch.” Swallowing back the bile rising in my throat, while trying to sound easy.

•— John —•

I saw the darkness creeping up on her again. "Raven." I planted myself in front of her and put myself directly in her line of sight.

"We've talked about this. You did what you had to, to save all of the people on this ship right now. You have to stop torturing yourself..." Then I smiled. "And you're totally missing the point... I saved a bottle of wine from #Becca's Mansion... and a few things I know will put a smile on your face if you ever want to take a look at it."

•— Raven —•

It was hard to avert my gaze when those baby blue eyes were giving me no place to run.

“I…” swallowing again. “I know we have, but..” I shrugged my shoulders trying to put it into words. “It’s not easy. To let go of it. Not when I saw the three of you.. that way.”

His smile made my hand move but I stopped it. What in hells was I about to do?

Shaking my head. “You were busy gathering all that time?” Part of me wanted to know what he had thought I would want to save.

“Just give them to me as we go. When you think I need it the most.”

•— John —•

"I think you need to talk to #Luna and #Jasper about it too, Rey. None of us would change how it happened. It was the only way to save as many people as you did." My eyes flickered at the way her hand moved... normally I would think she was going to push me away... But this wasn't that kind of conversation.

"In that case..." I smiled. "Come with me." nodded towards the hallway leading to our room.

•— Raven —•

It was on my list of things to accomplish. I hadn’t expected that he and I would be the first to mend our broken bridges. Yet here we were.

“Yeah I know, I’d planned on it. But I just haven’t managed it so far, with Jasper helping Monty out. Add keeping Luna clear.” My gaze moved to the corridor he now led me towards. “What is this, walked a length of the ship day?”

Yet I turned in the direction he pointedly started down.

•— John —•

“#Luna doesn't do that... But what does do... Is wait. Patiently.” I chuckled. “It's fucking annoying.”

I kept my pace nice and easy. “No, today is give-Raven-a-gift day. So stop complaining and get curious.” I flashed her a cheeky smile.

•— Raven —•

Parting my lips, because that came out wrong. But then I stopped myself. There was no point now.

Shaking my head. “Now… Get me, my gift, Watcher. I’ll even smile when you give it to me.” I joked, making myself smile now.

•— John —•

She was keeping something to herself... but hadn't we moved past all of that? I let it go, just because it was #Luna and I knew that everything there would be fine, As soon as the two were stood in a room together.

"And now look at who is impatient!" I laughed and opened the door to our room (It was Raven's too... even if she wasn't sleeping here).

"But no peeking since I now have permission to pass this stuff out on an as-needed basis." I knelt next to her bed and reached under it, opening the bag without pulling it out.

•— Raven —•

“Is it impatience though? Why can’t it just be excitement, or dread, or irritability, or…” The list was endless, however watching John push the code to open their room door made me stop.

I wasn’t encroaching on the three of their privacy. He’d told me the code... well, more like he had made me guess it. And they had set it to the same digits as mine… 6 5 8 6.

Following behind I came to a stop just inside the doors letting John move freely around their room.

My eyes drifted to the bed he had told me was mine… they had; even after everything made space for me. But I couldn’t… I still couldn’t step back into that place.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to trust them. I did. With my life. But my heart… it had too many knocks to deal with any more just now.

I turned myself to face the door. “See I’m not going to look. Now come on man.”

•— John —•

I had noticed how she lingered by the door, but I wasn't going to tell her again she was as welcome here as Luna, Emori and I were. It would come with time.

I hoped.

"A little dread is always advisable." I chuckled and pulled out one of the books. Then I looked up at her stood there facing the hallway and pulled out the rest of the leather-bound books. some of them were identical but there were a few that were bigger, thicker... a mix of black and brown. All in various stages of wear and tear.

I walked back across the room and closed the door from where I stood behind... close enough to catch the scent that made my mouth go dry, the scent of her.

"Turn around." I said and held out the stack of nine journals.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, you would say that, if you don’t feel some form of dread in the day, had the day even begun?”

Teasing him little heartedly; gave that sensation of how things used to be on the Island. When we’d help one another, and annoy the crap out of each other too. The doors slid closed, and I turned around smiling and then stopped.

I froze in astonishment.

“Those….” I hadn’t moved but my eyes had widened as they moved down and counted nine… “you… how???” How did he know? “John?” My voice cracked I was still frozen in place. John Murphy, at a time when death knocked on his front door, had gathered nine of #Becca’s journals.

These books had become a comfort to me over the time we had been on the island. Reading her words had given me the confidence to fight, to learn and to… well… know that she was exceptional just as I’d imagined her to be.

“John—” my voice was but a whisper. I held my arms out for him to place them on me.

•— John —•

"See!!" I laughed. "You get it!"

I watched her reaction taking in every expression and blink of those incredible eyes... how her mouth moved when she was lost for words... Nope!!! I had to shut that down.

"This was all I could find in the mansion. I'm sorry I didn't think to bring the ones that were in her office in the lab... once we got back to the mansion I just..." I couldn't face going back there without her. I smiled. "I didn't want to be underground and miss your triumphant return," I said instead... but that was also true.

"I know we never quite agreed on #BeccaFranco.... but I know how much she means to you." At some stage after I handed over the books I had wrapped a strand of hair that had come to rest over her shoulder from her signature ponytail around my fingers. I dropped it quickly and stuffed my hands in my pockets before I did something really stupid.

•— Raven —•

I shook my head, repeatedly still in the midst of processing what it was he gave me. The weight of the books in my arm broke me out of the delusion that this could be nothing more than a dream.

“Please… don’t apologise…” finally my words came. “This is the best gift… you could have given me. I thought these were lost to me for good. My mind is… it’s blown.”

With the books in my arms, I attempted to shuffle them to one arm and half-hug John with the other.

“Thank you… thank you so much.”

•— John —•

I laughed a little when I realised she was trying, awkwardly, to hug me... "I'm glad." I put one arm in hers supporting the weight of the books as I returned her one-armed hug.

"You're welcome, Stargazer." I whispered, resting my cheek against her hair for a second. Then I moved back and found her gaze. "I was going to give you one at a time... but that seemed cruel considering how fast you read."

•— Raven —•

His laughter was contagious, soon I found myself in the same state laughing along with him.

When our eyes met I gave him the most genuine smile. This man had given me a gift that would keep me occupied for the entire time we were up here.

“I’m not sure if you would have been able to. You know after you handed over book two, I’d have worked out you have more. And we know I’d have found them.”

I waggled my brows at him, clasping them all now in both hands.

“And it doesn’t matter if I’ve read them all, I will read them again and again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled again... the light in her eyes holding my focus. Okay, maybe that smile pulled my focus every few seconds.

"Damn... If I'd known it was this good of a gift maybe I should have saved it and used it as blackmail somewhere down the line." I smiled, wondering if she knew that there wasn't a single thing in that bag I would ever leverage to her. It was hers anytime she wanted it and it would be here waiting for her if she decided she wasn't going to wait for me to give her whatever was left.

"I have no doubt you'll have them read twice over in a week."

•— Raven —•

Still smiling my eyes narrowed, moving the books onto one arm I punched him in the arm jokingly.

“And you were doing so well until then.” He would, or at least the John on #Becca’s island wouldn’t have done so. And I wanted to believe that he was the one here who stood before me.

“Really, Watcher. Thank you.” Hugging the books to my chest I took a few steps towards the door. “These have made my day. I’m going to get them back to mine before I drop them.”

•— John —•

I shrugged like I was accepting defeat. Should’ve stopped while I was ahead right?” I teased. But her eyes were still bright, so I knew I was still doing this right… for once. Finally.

“Do you need an escort? For all we know there are all kinds of untold secrets in those pages. I don’t mind playing bodyguard.” I grinned, teasing. But the offer to walk her to her door was genuine.

•— Raven —•

“Next time, Watcher you’ll know when to stop.” I now laughed shaking my head.

My hand pushed the button to open the door and it slid open with a little pull on the mechanism. Making a note to come back to fix that for them.

Half turning my head back at his offer. “You are in your room, John. I’m not going to ask you to walk all the walk across to mine. You nee—” Stopping when what he said about being alone came back.

“Where are the girls? Will they be back soon?” I still needed to memorise everyone’s schedules once they were tied in.

•— John —•

"Nah." I quirked a brow. "Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't mind walking with you if you..." I instinctively glanced back into the room. "Oh, They'll be around soon... They haven't been assigned a work detail because of the tensions with the grounders. #Luna spends her time with #Harper, helping out with the kids and #Emori goes on work detail with #Jasper. I don't like the idea of them being on their own when I'm working." I tilted my head then... realising what she meant.

"They don't leave me alone for long. So I'll either be walking you back or... I'll go find one of them."

•— Raven —•

Keeping the smile on my face but my heart kind of hurt. How did I not know any of that? #Emori, fine. We weren’t really so close. However, #Luna?

They had all found their place, and I truly was happy about it.

“Okay.” I said keeping my voice light. “Well, thank you.” Holding the book up. “These will be great company.”

I would have something to do when the night got too dark and sleep-deprived.

•— John —•

I realised she hadn't answered my question... because I hadn't actually asked one.

"As long as you don't forget to sleep." I teased. "So... Stargazer. What's it gonna be? Want me to play the big strong bodyguard? Or just take care of the heavy lifting and you can protect me?" I motioned to her stack of books.

•— Raven —•

This earned John an eye roll. “Sleep is priority number one.” Okay, the sarcasm came out a little stronger than planned.

“Aren’t you sick of me yet?” Handing over half of the books in my arms. “How about we do a little of both jobs? Because let’s be honest—” thinking things through, I knew it was unlikely however…” On second thoughts..” setting all the books in his hands. “You carry them, if needed you can run to my cabin because you’re a few steps faster. And I’ll fight off the army of… unknown warriors..” The tongue and cheek of it all, had me fighting back my laughter.

•— John —•

I laughed and took the books. “Sick of YOU? Is that even possible?” I grinned and stroked her ego (Well.. if she even had one… maybe when it came to her intelligence, but not much else.) I knew that she struggling with sleep… so was I.

I chuckled again and took the rest of the books.

“You want me to abandon you and protect the diaries?” I coughed to cover the word “GEEK!” And patted my chest like it was a real cough.

•— Raven —•

I rolled my eyes at his so-called attempt to hide his contention.

“Really? We are dipping so low now? You’re stroking an ego that is non-existent? Where are the snappy comebacks putting me in my place?”

I elbowed him a little softly at the badly hidden word. “There is nothing wrong in being a Geek I will have you know. This geek for one is damn proud.”

I wasn’t going to use the joke I had on Earth. It would be about the number of times I saved his arse… but now… it left a sour taste in my mouth.

•— John —•

I laughed, really laughed. Again! It was getting easier and easier now... “It was a test.” I teased. “The fact you didn't immediately answer ‘yes of course it is!’ means you failed.”

I knew the prospect of a fail grade even as a joke would bug her. I doubt she ever got less than one hundred on a test.

“You should be proud; smart people are sexy as hell.” I said without stopping to think. I waited to see if the compliment threw her as I followed her to her room.

•— Raven —•

“Hey… Hey… Hey…” following up with my hand in the air. “That’s just going too far now. I have NEVER failed in class and Nor do I plan on it.” The teasing there, kind of. I mean it was true and the thought of failing maybe doing things to my tummy.

Then I heard it, his laughter filled the corridor. The smile on my lips grew after seeing and hearing him. The twinkle in his eyes had returned. It hit like the air on my face the first day I landed on earth.

Snapping myself out of it I laughed with him too. It was contagious to the point when two whispering grounders rushed by, I just waved at them. I earned myself a grimace, and I didn’t care.

“Hells yeah we are, we are as sexy as they come. You should see how we party!”

Tugging at my ponytail and dusting my shoulders off I did a little dance.

•— John —•

There it was! I laughed harder. “It’s so easy to rile you up sometimes.” I teased her, not giving her a break at all. She was laughing with me and It was so clear that we had both needed it, but I didn’t let myself linger on that thought in case the reasons why, became intrusive. I chuckled at the confused grounders. “I guess some people are just determined to be miserable.”

I watched the sexy little wiggle and tried to hide a riot in my stomach by clearing my throat loudly. “So humble.” I continued to tease her. “Is that an invitation, Stargazer? How could I possibly say no?”

•— Raven —•

“Shh…” tugging to pull him along. “They may hear you.”

I continued to laugh because it felt so good. Being with a friend, being able to joke, tease, and know that nothing would come of it but the happy tears rolling down my cheeks right now. Hells, I missed this and him. “An invitation? To what? My sorry one person party with a stack of books?” Shaking my head. “You can do better I am sure. You’ll be making friends with the young grounder girls soon enough to really party hard.”

•— John —•

I laughed and let her pull me down the hallway faster. Her cheeks were damp but applied from her wide smile, those tears didn't cause me any pain.

"Rude!!" I gasped, jokingly. "Threatening a guy with a good time and then backing out when he accepts?" I quirked a brow. "Tease!" I used the arm she tugged me along with to turn her around. Wiping away those happy tears with my free hand, without saying a word about them.

"I have more girls in my life now than I ever had before... And that is more than enough thank you very much."

•— Raven —•

I spun on my feet to face him, my eyes glazed with moisture and laughs still escaping from the joking.

“Fine. Fine. Come. Party. Let’s see how much fun it will be with just the one jar of shine that is meant to last us five years, or until Jasper does his thing.” I was certainly expecting a new batch to show up if that boy got his way.

Smiling as I wiped at my face I gave him an eye roll. “Sure sure. You say that now.” I didn’t push the topic. We all had way too much on our plates. At least I did. Work was all I needed right now.

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Unless he can use MREs to make it I don't have much hope.”

I said nothing about her comment... Relationships needed trust... Fuck that... One-night stands needed trust, just less of it. But there was no way I was letting anyone else in... And no way I could tell her that there was only one person I could ever trust in that way.

“C’mon.” I started walking towards her room again. “Let's get this precious cargo delivered safely”

•— Raven —•

“Are you saying you don’t have skills? I think our poor Jas would be highly disappointed in your assessment of him.”

Without thinking I started right after him. “Yes, we need to hide the precious cargo. I still cannot believe they are really here.”

The rest of the walk I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Hells I couldn’t understand how I actually remembered to do it.

•— John —•

“Actually…. You know what… tell him!” I laughed. “Might be the motivation he needs.”

The rest of the walk is quiet but… happy. The smile on her face… hell! Every time I tore my eyes from her I found them wondering back.

At her door I almost reached to type in her code… or, 𝕠𝕦𝕣 code... If, in fact, she’d chosen similarly. I stopped myself. Not my room. I leaned casually against the wall by her door and waited for her to do it herself.

•— Raven —•

Not until we turned the corner towards my room did nerves begin to present themselves, but why? I had no explanation at all.

My fingers pressed the digits on the key pad. 6586.. and waited for the doors to smoothly slide open without a sound.

Shifting on my feet, I felt the need to explain myself.

“When I can’t sleep, I’ve been working quietly on fixing things up.” Pointing to the door as I waved him to come on in.

He’d been here before, right? I couldn’t remember. And it wasn’t some aftermath of the code, it was the lack of sleep playing with my head.

I stood to the side, shifting again. I knew I had been given one of the officer's rooms, as much as I’d fought the fact that I didn’t need the space, it somehow now sat full of different piles of equipment.

Some things were fixed waiting to be returned and others waiting in clean areas for work to be done.

“You can place them on the table beside the couch.” I said.

The room was in order and clean, however, it looked like a workspace and not a home like he, #Luna, and #Emori had somehow managed to make theirs feel.

•— John —•

I focused my eyes on the top journal as she punched in the code. I hadn't planned to go in, I knew she needed her own space these days. But when she waved me in I couldn't resist the temptation to see the space she was living in.

"Whoa..." I looked around at all the things... Literally all the things... "Are you sure these parts shouldn't be in the ship... you know... keeping us alive?" It was obviously a rhetorical question. She would never remove something vital from the ship.

I set the books on the small table she told me to and turned in a slow circle.

Everything in the room was neat and even the machine parts were clean. "Have you slept at all since we've been on board?"

•— Raven —•

Pulling the zipper to my jumpsuit down to my waist, I slid my arms out and tied them around me to keep them up. Pushing the vest I had on down at the same time.

I didn’t mean to watch him, however my eyes kept returning as he took in my room and his surroundings. Pulling my hair down out of the ponytail. I let it all drop freely, the instant relief had been heavenly.

“Have you?” The question came out before I could stop myself. Maybe a little defensive. “I have had some. When I can.” I answered.

•— John —•

I looked back at her just in time to see her hair falling free from her usual ponytail... hell!

I cleared my throat. "Um... yeah, I mean... I try but I never know how long I'll sleep before..." I rubbed my chin, she knew... she'd seen it.

"How often does when I can come around? Once a day? twice a week?" One of the first things I learned about Raven was; that you have to ask the right questions.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my neck, and rubbing the back of it. Now he had me in a tight spot. But we said… we promised.. no more lying.

“I’m not even sure any more.” The nightmares were intense when they came again. And they always came.

“I’ll get some tonight.” It wasn’t a lie, it was a hope really. I didn’t want #Abby to find out. Because she would medically make it happen.

Shifting on my feet, my eyes were back on him. “You know it’s hard. And being up here. I hoped it would…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

•— John —•

It didn't exactly answer my question… but I got it. I had seen her nightmares, they were as volatile as mine. I had witnessed her injuring herself more than once.

I swallowed hard and looked around the room which all of a sudden looked like a potential death trap. If she woke up in one of the states I had seen in the past there were a lot of things in this room that could cause harm.

I set that aside for a moment. "I thought being up here would be like the Ark... but it's not. Everyone is mostly treated equally, the food is better... I mean not as good as my cooking but those MREs are way better than the rock-hard biscuits we got. There's enough drinking water... But it's taking some getting used to. We'll get there." At least I hoped we would. I didn't want to go into those ice coffins. That wasn't today's problem.

"I can sit with you, you know... if you want. So you can sleep. Anytime..." I took a few steps towards her.

•— Raven —•

Taking a step around my fingers played with a part, moving it from one place to another, and then back again.

Eyes moved sporadically to see what his had fallen on, noting how he took my room in.

“It’s nothing like the Ark. and if it were… we’ve failed.” My voice was low feeling myself tensing at the reminder of life before Earth. Then I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Those packs do not hold a flame up to the food you were cooking.” Clicking my fingers, I rubbed my forehead attempting to recall. “The soul thing… with the roots brought in. That… that…” My mouth began to water at the memory. It made me laugh once again. “It was the night I caught you dancing.”

And I remember how worry-free and happy he seemed. “You don’t have to chaperone me, John.” And as I said it. I wanted to hug him and accept the offer.

•— John —•

I laughed trying not to focus on the dangers in this room.

"You mean the night you were fortunate enough to walk in at the exact right moment?” I quirked a brow and grinned. "And you are welcome for the show by the way.”

I did like to listen to music when I cooked. It was probably what I missed the most about the island, I didn't have as much access to music up here.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "It’s not charity, Raven. I know that you would do the same for me."

We had both played the role of protector for the other while we slept. I didn't see any reason we couldn't still do that; now that we had fixed the rift between us.

•— Raven —•

Hearing the sound of his Laughter made me join in too. “Oh. Fortunate? Is this what we are calling dinner with an added floor show?”

Something clicked in place, and I slowly moved to the far side of the room and my bed. Opening the drawers to take the player he had once given me.

“Here, you’ll get more joy out of this. I’ve worked on the electrics on it, so you can now charge it in the power ports up here.”

Returning to his side, I held it out. I bit my lips as I nodded my head. “Napping partners again? As long as we share the shifts, okay?”

•— John —•

“Oh yeah! I'm multi-talented I can dance, I can cook…. I can…” I tried to think of a third thing. “Speak trig!” I laughed.

I smiled and closed her hand back up. “#Jasper is on it. #Monty is, inhis spare time, too. A lot of the officers had music collections… Jasper is copying it all to the central…. Thingies… And Monty making it so it's accessible to the whole ship.” I had no idea what they were talking about. But I knew the were making it so we had music.

“Besides this one was from Becca’s house. It means more to you. And I know it helps you sleep.”

•— Raven —•

I blinked a few times at him as he told me what the rest of the guys were working on. I closed my hands around the player and brought it to my chest.

Shaking my head slowly the words were out before it registered. “I’ve really messed up with everyone haven’t I? I used to know everything. What was happening, what was needed? Now…” rubbing my forehead. “Without the code… it’s all…” I didn’t know what.

Shaking my head again, I laughed it off. “If you’re sure. Then fine.” Turning to head back to where I took it out from, I returned it. “The offer is there. And now you know where it lives.” Patting the top of the drawers.

•— John —•

"No Raven... I don't think that’s it..." I smiled. "I think they're hoping to surprise you with it. They don't know I brought that bag up for you..." I pressed my lips together.

"Everything I put into that bag was something I knew would mean something to you. I want you to have each and every item in it..." I smiled at the idea of passing them out to her one -by-one.

"I know you don't measure things in material value... but every single thing I put in there was to show you that I see you... and I care... I know I hurt you before you left. I know it's all so much harder. And I know stuff won't make up for it. But I chose every single thing to show you I knew what mattered to you... And gathering them all up while you were gone and keeping them near, made me feel like you were closer."

The words just kept coming and I knew I was skirting a dangerous line. But, I thought I saw a flash of hurt when I refused her gift, but music could never give more comfort than knowing that she had music in her life gave me.

•— Raven —•

In all those words, there were so many things to unpack that I wasn’t even aware of where to begin.

Slowly walking back to where John stood, I motioned towards the couch before sitting down myself.

“Why would you care enough to gather all those things?” The first of my thoughts. “And how did you even know where to start the search?” The next.

I slowly began to unbuckle my brace, the discomfort had reached its peak for me.

“I don’t understand why you would do all that, want to feel close to me…. And I know we’ve moved on now, but then. Then I was someone who hadn’t listened to you. You begged me to bring you up here with us. and I didn’t. And you still kept the faith that I would be back?”

My fingers worked the buckles one at a time until it slipped off from around my leg, allowing me to set it down.

•— John —•

I headed to the couch and stopped before I sat down and crouched next to the couch when she started unbuckling it. I started at her ankle, we could make it half the work if we met somewhere in the middle. And it had become a kind of ritual between the two of us, her showing trust... me showing her I cared. "Because I care about you... And that mansion was the only place I ever saw you happy. Even though you were in pain... I just want you to have... something... Of Becca's because I knew you looked up to her." I shrugged and looked up into curious hazel eyes.

"I just looked in the places you spent the most time. And I understood why you couldn't bring me... At first, I was going to pick one thing. I didn't think I could bring the journals, I wasn't sure they could be decontaminated. But #Jasper gave me the radiation-proof bag… and I just... kept going. I never lost faith that you would come if it was possible. After, but there were moments... dark moments... where I thought you were stranded. You had fuel for a one-way trip. I thought you were dead or dying and I..." I shook away the burning in my eyes, she was here, she was alive. I took a shaky breath... "So I just kept searching because I couldn't sit still and let those thoughts take over."

•— Raven —•

Slowly we were falling back into the normality of being friends. I watched him work the buckles I couldn’t easily reach.

His blue eyes were misty making me push forward sitting on the edge of the couch.

“You were so close to dying now there, and you were worried about me?” How was this the same boy who once told me he only thought of himself and no one else?

“I told you and Luna I would be back. I wasn’t going to break the promise.”

My eyes remained on him.

“Thank you... I never thought I would see those books again. I’m speechless. Really.”

•— John —•

“Were in the same position as everyone else, Stargazer, only we had suits. I knew nothing would stop you from finding a way back… unless you were...” I let out a shaky breath. I wouldn't let that feeling back in. I took her hand and squeezed.

She was here, alive... Warm and so fucking soft. Without thinking I turned her hand over, her palms and fingers were calloused from her work but the back of her hand? That was soft, I smiled at the contrast.

“But those moments… when I... When I thought you hadn't survived… I was terrified. I hadn't lost anyone I…” I stopped, swallowing. “Since my dad… so I'd find something else… add it to the bag…” I chuckled. “Then you had to come back… right? Because it was rude not to accept a gift?” I dragged my hand through my hair.

“It sounds ridiculous… but it's what got me through it all. You don't need to thank me, Raven. I'm just really happy I can give you a little part of home… to help to start building our new one here.”

•— Raven —•

Of course, he was correct, everyone on that planet had the same problems. They were in a better place. So, did this feeling in my chest that kept me from sleeping most nights, mean that I had been selfish? Then in all reality, I hadn’t thought of the good of the planet and all they people. I thought of my own first. Hells. Maybe I was no different to Clark. And I had been all righteous about how she handled situations like this?

“I’m such a hypocrite.” Saying it when I meant to only think it.

I watched him closely, my hands in his, and he really was enthralled. Before I could say anything, John continued and so did I.

“There’s nothing ridiculous about the situation. We all find ways to help us believe. You found yours. And I of all people am the one who benefits from it.”

Squeezing his hand back.

•— John —•

“I'm not one hundred percent sure what you meant by that so I won't tell you that's not true…” I smile are her, not sure what had gone through her mind to cause her hypocrite remark. “But I will say this… we’re all hypocrites sometimes, and there's so much worse we could be.” My thumb brushed the back of her hand again without me really having decided to do so. “If it’s true... And I don't think it is… it's an easily forgivable offence...” I kept talking to stop her from spiralling into what that dark place was. Probably to distract her from the fact I was still memorizing every bump and line on her hand.

“Looking back… knowing you survived... Being here now. I'm glad you left without me. Because now, I know what it feels like when someone comes back for me…” a new kind of tear threatened to fall now and I laughed. “You still came back. That…” I shook my head… “Means more than you'll ever know.”

•— Raven —•

I just shook my head, closing my eyes and pressing the palm of my free hand into my forehead. I couldn’t ask others to make better choices if my own had been tainted by selfishness.

Had I done any of this for the greater good? Or had it all been for me and mine?

Hells! Just as I begin to dive into all my decisions his statement brings me back.

“What? John. Of course, I was going to come back. It doesn’t matter how upset I am. I’m not going to take that out by leaving you to die.” A deepest frown fixes itself in place.

“It is a part of this thing we call friendship. No matter what. We stand up and by one another.”

He still held my hand. I could feel his fingers caressing gently.

•— John —•

“I know.” I said too quickly. “I mean… even then, I knew you would never do that… it’s one of the things that makes you so special.” I reached out to grab the top journal, and set her hand on her lap like it was a delicate thing… It wasn’t, of course, she was tough as nails.

But to me… she was too precious to be treated otherwise. “Most people wouldn’t risk that for people they loved. Lie back.” I handed her the book and scooted away from her on the couch. “And you… you would come back even for the person who betrayed you. It’s just who you are.”

I lifted her legs onto the couch, and sat them on my lap, pulling off her boots.

“But even though I knew death was the only thing that would keep you from returning… it’s different… you know.” I started at her ankle, working my thumbs into the soft tissue where her brace buckled. “When I saw that ship… that feeling…” I couldn’t look at her, in case the true depth of those feelings showed through. “It was… I honestly couldn’t describe it. But it's not the same as knowing. If that makes any sense.” I laughed at myself and moved up her calf in light sweeping motions, easing through the tightness in the muscle first… before getting to the part I knew hurt a little now… and helped a lot later.

•— Raven —•

“Love…” I said, “people they love…” There were no past tenses here.

It occurred to me why I hurt so much when I saw Luna and John at that dock. Why it hurt me each time I thought I’m forgiven them, and then. When I saw a flash back, that hurt grew deeper.

The protest began to slip, however he was speaking. Letting me in, seeing the other side of my failure as it happened.

So, I lay back pulling my hair to the side. Not taking my eyes off his face as he did something that wouldn’t have made me think twice about on the island. Whenever we sat at the end of the day, he always knew somehow where my discomforts were, and tried to help by rubbing them.

Relief curled it’s way through me, I felt my shoulder, back, hip, leg and foot shift and relax. All the while stopping myself from tearing up as I heard him.

“You had a lot of faith in me.” I closed my eyes before opening them.

“I didn’t even know if it was going to work. Or if I was bringing the guys up here with me for us all to die. Some part of me… I didn’t know it at the time… but.. some part of me thought maybe you were safer here.” It had been the first time I let those thoughts come out in words.

“Hells!” Wincing at the stab of pain, my fist flew up to my mouth so I could bite down on it.

•— John —•

I smiled but I wasn't sure I was in the category of the people that she still loved... I was back in the dysfunctional family category... she'd made that clear. That meant I could probably get back into the love bracket soon...

Whatever that entailed... whatever way she might love me at some stage... I would take it. I would cherish it. And I would keep loving her.

"Having faith in you was the easy part... The hard part was trying to stop the thoughts that you were..." I swallowed. "Dead... from taking over." I thought about her idea that we were safer on earth. It made sense... in a way that made no sense at all the radiation was going to get us either way. But...

"Sorry..." I winched at her outcry. I rubbed that same spot again with a firm flat palm soothing before I pressed my thumbs against her calf again and dragged them up the stiff muscle. "I'm sorry... but it helps." I followed each deep stroke with a softer one. Telling myself each one would be closer to a little relief. I distracted her by talking.

"It makes sense... I mean... I always thought that you were safer in the mansion than in the labs. You worked less, you never had a seizure... you rested a little more. But the code went everywhere you did. There was no logical reason for me to feel like you were safer there. But I did, and I felt better when you were there. So can I understand why you would believe that."

•— Raven —•

I knew it was all helping in the end. I had to work through the discomfort before I would be there. However, with John’s help, I knew it wouldn’t take long.

“You’ve said that a few times now.” I knew what he was doing, and I wouldn’t foil his plan. “You thought I would die. Up here. Without seeing you all.” Closing my eyes as once again his thumb rubbed a tight knot.

“I guess we’ve all had our moments with fear. The mansion was the one place…” I pushed the thought of the grounder who had made it to the island out of my mind.

“It was the one place where we could rest our heads and know the next day we would wake.”

I knew there was something drastically incorrect with our thinking. However, it helped us to do what was needed.

“I wanted to come up here to die.. it had been my plan... but not with the guys with me.”

•— John —•

"I was terrified of it... It was like one of my nightmares... only it was real." I said quietly. My hands moved to her knee, I was gentle here... the deep pressure only worked on muscles, and on her knee, it would only cause pain and bruising.

I swallowed hard at her words. "I know... I remember finding you building that suit." I repressed the shudder that ran through me. "I hated it... but I know how much pain you were in. Not that you aren't now..." I moved my hands to her thigh, pressing the heal of my hands into muscle, firm but not as hard as her lower leg. "I understood... but still couldn't just... maybe it was selfish. I want you to stay and keep fighting it. But it was how I felt... how I feel... even though I understood."

I kept rubbing, slowly... "You don't have to tell me... But do you still feel like that?"

•— Raven —•

Opening my eyes, I glanced down towards him. Watching as he continued to help me. He didn’t need to do it. But I didn’t need to tell him that. He knew.

My hands moved to rest over my face. Covering the look of uncomfortable pain while he did his thing. I moved them away once he’d moved on. The placement of his hands on my thighs made me still and then I shook it off.

“It wasn’t… I… it…” the words all sounded mixed up. “It was difficult John.” My lip trembled at how I had lost my way.

Tapping my forehead as I spoke. “My mind was giving out on me. I couldn't see any other way out. I didn’t want to become unresponsive, to steal resources, or to become a burden out of some lost sense of purpose or responsibility. I never had the choice of our life when it began. However, I wanted to go out on my own terms.” I needed him to understand I hadn’t made those choices without thinking them through.

“But, no. No, I haven’t.” And now I moved my hands out of the way. “Do you feel like you need that out?” I asked quietly.

•— John —•

Kept my hand busy, and when I felt the last of the knots in her muscles uncoil I let my hand rest flat against her leg. I attempted to rub away the pain I caused but I knew it would only do so much, the temporary relief would only come with time. And rest if she was so inclined.

“I know… I can’t begin to think what it was like for you.” I gave a dark laugh. “I know this might not exactly paint me in the best light… but I wouldn’t have let you live like… that…” I shuddered. “Kept alive by machines. I would have… done… something.” The others might have killed me for it, but it was crystal clear to me now that I would have had nothing to live for if I lost her.

If I couldn’t survive an hour in a cell without a panic attack; there was no way I could endure a loss like that. My heart would just… stop.

“No… not anymore. I decided on that beach… I can’t control when or how I go… but I can control… that it won’t be me. I won’t be the one… It’s not the same as the situation you were in… your control was taken from you.”

•— Raven —•

Slowly I pushed up with the strength in my arms. Moving and guiding my legs so that I could sit up next to him.

The vivid memories of the beach came rushing through. And I knew it had been a moment in his life I should not have witnessed. But I couldn’t find it in myself to walk away at that time too.

“I was there… when you threw the gun into the ocean.” I said in a low tone. “I saw how much you were hurting, how that place broke you. And I still...”

Working my fingers I closed my burning eyes. “… I didn’t mean to leave you in the cell.” I had to say it again. “I didn’t see the bigger picture… I let my anger and fear of losing you… losing my friend cloud my judgment…. I thought—“ shaking my head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Wiping my face I opened my eyes. “And now you tell me, you would have placed your own life in danger to give me what I wanted.” Half turning my head to catch sight of him.

“If I didn’t feel like a crap friend before…. By the Hells, I do now.” Leaning over I placed my head on his shoulder, resting it there.

•— John —•

I couldn't decide how I felt about her witnessing that moment... It wasn't like I had been subtle about storming down the beach to the shore. But she'd never mentioned it before now. I had assumed she had seen it at the time... but after a while I guess I thought she'd walked away and waited for me to finish my dramatics... it seemed to be a pattern with me.

So much for being invisible.

I shook my head... "You never planned on leaving me there Rey, I know that. You just weren't going to be the one to unlock that door... I get it. I let you down again. No one could have predicted... that."

I laughed now.

"Wait... I just told you was I planning to kill you? How the hell are you the bad friend in that scenario?" Okay so that was an exaggeration... the plan was to turn off her machines if they were the only things keeping her alive.

But it sounded better my way.

•— Raven —•

Lifting my head off his shoulder I shook it from side to side. This boy… he wouldn’t let me feel anything bad about my actions towards him.

“Because you just told me, you wouldn’t think of yourself, how you would have to live with the consequences of doing something you knew were my wishes, John. Do you understand how that would give me peace? To know if I wasn’t capable of making my own decision, I know you would have my back?

All my fears of how I didn’t want to live. You just told me. You would see me to my end.”

And he would live with the consequences of it for the rest of his life, however long or short it was.

•— John —•

I reached my arm around her, not wanting her to move away. Making it like one of those one-armed hugs we shared so often now. These little deceptions were forgivable, right?

She was thinking of the consequences of the action if it was one l ever needed to take. But the only consequence I would care about was how to continue in a world where l had eliminated any possibility of ever getting Raven back. I doubted my heart would remember how to beat in a world that didn't have Raven Reyes in it.

"Seeing you in Arkadia... When A.L.I.E. had control; I knew, I couldn't leave you like that. But I knew you'd been looking for a way to fry the chip. I knew there was a chance. l just needed the get you to someone smart enough to understand what you were trying... But that wouldn't have been the case if..."

I shook my head. "But that's not going to happen."

•— Raven —•

Moving back into his side, I placed my head back on His shoulder. It had been a few days since I sat for long enough to feel my body, adding to the fact he had helped my muscles. I, for the first time in days felt, myself… ish.

“I know it wasn’t easy… being my friend… it’s not easy on anyone.” Easily joking, however, it seems to be a fact too. “So, I appreciate you. And the fact that you still try.”

Turning my head, I placed a kiss on his shoulder. “Okay.” Slapping my things a little and straightening myself up. “You do want your mind blown?” We needed to change the topic of discussion unless we began down a path which would have his mind thinking of all the darkness.

•— John —•

“It’s the only reason being your friend was ever hard for me was because I didn’t know how I’d cope if you…” I stopped. “When you died… because back then… we we all certain you had weeks at best. The hardest part was stopping you from killing yourself faster.” I shook my head. It was a miracle she was here at all. As she leaned in I couldn’t stop an intrusive thought crashing into my mind. Would there ever be a time I could press a kiss to the top of her head? Keep a hold of her like this for longer than a moment. But before I could even squash that train of thought in my head she had pressed her lips to my shoulder. My heart raced and heat flashed down my arm. My fingers coiled but she had lowered her jumpsuit and tied it around her waist; so my fingers brushed the bare skin of a bicep that still held onto some of the muscle she’d gained when I was responsible for feeding her… all of them. (By choice… because it made me feel… good enough.)

My mouth dropped when she jumped up. Was it possible that she was totally unaware that this was likely a gesture of kindness, maybe a thank you for easing a tiny amount of her suffering had blown my mind beyond any comprehension. Maybe that small kiss against her hair wouldn’t be so far-fetched after all? That was a dangerous path.

“Nah…” I teased and sat back. Feigning disinterest. I laughed and stood up too. “C’mon then you made me curious now.”

•— Raven —•

I didn’t say anything more about why and how we found ourselves here. How things between us just felt right. Would it mean I would get on his last nerve? Yes. Would this mean he would get on mine? Hells Yes.

I squeezed his knee, letting him know he had been heard. And then I stretched over the edge of the couch towards the small locker beside it flicking the lid open and taking out a small silver package.

“Okay. So, when we came up here, Lizzie and Miles gave us all these packets. Kicking it on the table to break it. Tearing the top off where I had been shown too.

“They said they loved these on their long mining voyages, and… well… I’ve not gotten around to opening it.”

The truth was, I really had wanted him to try it. He was the guy who loved to cook and taste things.

Pulling the inner clear packet out of the bag which says. ‘Freeze-dried ice cream block.’ I held it in my hands.

“It is hard so you can’t bite a chunk off. It’s why you break it. They say it’s sweet, and meant to be as good as the chocolate?”

•— John —•

Still trying to calm my idiotic heart, I repressed the urge to flinch at Soldier Boy's name. My gaze followed her, and my gaze narrowed on the S... That was no way… “Is that…. No... It couldn't be. “Is that… ice cream…. like… from milk?”

Even on Earth, the largest animal I ever saw was a horse… but I only ever saw goats and sheep being farmed. On the ark, we always thought cows were extinct. But once we landed we quickly learned that we were wrong about a lot of things.

“Are you kidding me!?” I laughed and sat on the edge of the couch. All of what's-his-name forgotten. I couldn't help the excitement, food… good food… had become a thing of joy for me. Both because I wasn't hungry anymore and because… I was good at it.

“You had this since you came up here and you haven't even tried it yet?”

•— Raven —•

He knew what it was, of course he did. My lips curved up in a big smile, by the reaction; this made John happy. Food did that for him. And I loved that I had a reason to make him this joyful right now.

Shrugging my shoulders. “They say there is a right time for everything.” Pushing it towards him. “And now is that time.” I had another one I would save for #Luna. “They have more, however with everything going on, I guess sweet things haven’t been on the forecast in the meal plans.

I can see someone taking those and maybe doing something for the kids up here? Maybe something for Harper and Luna’s classes even?

•— John —•

She didn't say it... But she waited for me? This had hope blooming in my chest... not that selfish kind that I had felt too often lately... just... gratitude that this woman would allow me back into her life after everything I had done.

I picked up a fragment of the broken block, starting with the brown colour. "Chocolate?" I asked her. It didn't feel anything like the sticky paste I found in jars in the mansion. It smelled different too... but I could smell the sweetness.

"C'mon on then, Stargazer." I smiled at her. She looked the happiest I had seen her in a long time. "You've waited this long, it's only fair you get the first taste."

I didn't let the mention of the fact they had more, linger in my thoughts. I had thought all the food on the ship had been handed in for inventory and rationing... but I didn't think this stuff had much nutritional value.

•— Raven —•

Turning the silver foil package around in my hand, I spoke while reading.

“Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavoured.” Curiously, glancing at the block again.

“Strawberry? I know I’m a geek, but I don’t remember what that was.” If it didn’t have anything to do with mechanics, I let the information slide into the dark realms of my mind.

“Okay. We are really going to do this? Eat something that’s been around longer than us?” It wasn’t really a question. We’d done it so many times by now. However, it was good to check, right?

Picking up a square of the brown part too, I clinked mine to his.

“If I die, let it be known it was worth it.”

There was a powder residue on the square as I took a bite into the hard, crunchy block. It was something new, I’d not had this sensation in my mouth before. Chewing on it.

•— John —•

"Strawberry... I imagine that will be sweet. Most of the berries I ate on Earth were sweet... other than ones that made me sick. Or mu..." I stopped I had a feeling she'd get what I meant from context.

I chuckled at the hesitation in her words. "You know the wine and chocolate in Becca's Mansion was from before the Cataclysm too, right?"

I narrowed my eyes at her... Playful and a little serious. "No more death jokes today."

I followed her lead and bit the shard of the powdery brick. I couldn’t reconcile the flavour with the thick creamy chocolate I knew. The chunk crumbled a little more with each chew. "It's definitely sweet, but not as chocolatey as I thought. What do you think?"

•— Raven —•

Making a face, because I remembered some of the kids in the camp had gotten unwell due to poisonous berries. But at least we knew this was safe to eat. I’d seen #Miles eating it like it was the best thing he had.

“Okay, no more death jokes.” Holding my hand up to cover my mouth chewing on the crumbling block turning into a chewy consistency.

Rolling my eyes, I mean everything in the mansion was as old. However, I tried not to over think those things. Not when we all had full bowls and stomachs.

“Uhm, it’s sweet. And I can pick up on the chocolate it’s there in the back. But it’s nothing like the chocolate jars. You’re right.”

Pointing to the pink block. “You should try that one next.”

•— John —•

I sniffed a piece of the pink. It was strange to have so many different scents coming out of the same package. "How come the rations we had on the Ark were odourless? When you can smell your food it just enhances everything.”

I took a bite this one was sweeter and had much more depth of flavour. There was a pleasant tartness over a smooth powdery bass.

"This one is good." I said enthusiastically. I chewed as the crumbly block became soft and creamy. "Mhm!” I nodded approvingly. "I think we have a winner here.”

•— Raven —•

Tilting my head, I was smiling without knowing it. Witnessing this boy in his element had always made me stop and take it in.

“Oh... really?” Once my mouth was empty I picked up a pink block, following his lead by bringing it up to my nose. Sneezing when the powder was inhaled.

“Oh… that’s” sneezing again to the side, covering up with my elbow. Wiggling my nose to stop the tickle inside.

“Let’s try again.” This time I bite into it crushing it gently with a burst of flavour I’ve never tried before. “Oh… wow… it’s… good.” Nodding my head.

•— John —•

I laughed when she sneezed and froze a little - in wonder - when she wiggled her nose. It made me want to reach out and trail my finger down the bridge of her nose… it was… adorable. Hell! What was happening to me?

I didn’t, of course, at least I had that much self-control. “Told you!” I chuckled. Shaking out of my reverie.

I picked up a triangular chip of the white part. I wasn’t excited about this one… it was the colour of the nutrient-pack sludge we had on the Ark only this was hard and left powder on your finger instead of being oily and semi-liquid.

I popped it into my mouth and waited for it to start to soften, at first it tasted mostly like sugar… but then… “Whoa.” I mumbled with food in my mouth. It was a mix of sweet and spice without the heat. And a hint of some of the edible flowers #Emori had shown me.

This was… I swallowed what was left. “Wow!!! I take it all back. New winner.”

•— Raven —•

Watching with intent to steal the triangle piece in his hands, only because it would be funny. I stopped myself and let him take the first taste of it.

I waited with bated breath to see what he would think of the final flavour in the packet.

My lips were smiling once again seeing him this way, it was indeed heart warming.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t need to sound this shocked.” Sitting back I rubbed on my thighs still watching him eat it.

“You know what. I feel like I could run the width of this ship ten times over right now.” Eyeing up what was left of the block. We’d only had half of it, so I leaned forward to take the pale-coloured one. This time; not smelling it. (I’d learnt my lesson there.) biting of the small square block. It was difficult to taste at first the strawberry lingered and then it hit me. “Oh….” My eyebrows lifted in pleasure.

•— John —•

I was so excited by the prospect of new flavours that I almost missed the way she eyed the piece in my hand. Almost.

"See... that's what spending time with me does. I'm energising!" I chuckled... now that I thought about it there really was a frantic kind of energy alongside my fatigue.

Her expression changed and I forgot that fact for a second while I grabbed an imperfect cube of the white. "This one was called what again? Vanilla?? I bit into the cube... "It's... so... I mean... it's exotic... it's complex... It just... so fucking good!" The frantic energy was building.

"Damn... that run actually sounds really good right now... Pity there's no fair competition around!" I smirked at her deviously.

•— Raven —•

“Yeah…. Exotic… it’s… it’s…. Fantastical…. You know. This vanilla… it must have been sought after. Do you think people began wars over it?”

My feet and hands needed shaking out, and I bounced in the spot where I sat. Laughing and then I understood what he had actually said. “The hells! Are you saying I couldn’t beat you in a race?”

True facts. I couldn’t. But still. It was the principle of the matter.

“I could beat you, you don’t know how a race could end John Murphy.” I knew he would win and I would kick myself for dreaming. This time I took what was left in his fingers and popped it into my mouth. Crunching it and letting the flavours take me over with a burst of energy I couldn’t explain.

•— John —•

"Van-Nill-Aah...." I tasted the word... "It even sounds.... fancy... I bet the rich used to gatekeep this shit! Post-cataclysm people started wars over everything... if they didn't fight over this, they were stupid." I laughed a slightly disjointed laugh.

"Of course..." I rolled my eyes. "That's exactly what I meant." Then without missing a beat. "You know what we need! We need music. I know you've found a way to play it without the earbuds!"

•— Raven —•

“Remind to check the data banks for it. We can find out if anything out there can tell us something more about where this flavour comes from. Or we could ask Miles?”

Nodding my head, point back to the bedside locker and then the the table on the far side of the room.

“Could you get it and then connect it to the speakers there? The wires are attached there.” I wasn’t in the mood to put the brace back on just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled. “Nerd!” but honestly it was kinda… sexy and admirable. The way she always wanted to know the facts.

“You are a genius, Stargazer.” I jumped up and retrieved the player from the drawer she’d put it in earlier. “I could just kiss you!” I connected it to the speaker… she had made it idiot-proof. Which was good because…. Tek wasn't my strong suit.

My inhibitions waned similarly to when I drank wine on Earth. Did this stuff have alcohol in it? “I'm sure sold— #Shaw has more important things to do.”

“Any requests?” I asked sensing that she was happy without her brace.

•— Raven —•

“They broke the mould after I was created, Watcher.” Smirking at him with a waggle of my brows. “Kiss me? More like you’d kiss me to distract me from you stealing the rest of this.”

Sitting forward I took a cracked cube of the brown one again. We had to give it another go, we’d loved the chocolate jars back at ho—

I stilled when the thought abruptly stopped… “Home…” I said it underneath my breath. “Home…” my throat swelled shaking my head.

“No.. just whatever you fancy.” Answering his question while I lived the feelings of being on the island.

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. "They did indeed, you are one of a kind."

I selected the song and returned to her. "Hey, after the amount of times I fed you, you better save me some of that!" I sat next to her, careful not to jerk the couch cushions. Then I smirked. "And I will kiss you anytime you want Reyes... you just have to ask." I teased, it was never going to happen.

I reached across her and snagged a piece of the chocolate and vanilla, my curiosity about the combined flavours was high after everything I taught myself in the mansion.

•— Raven —•

Arching my brow. “That… wasn’t the reply I expected. Sarcasm…. Telling me the mould was broken because I’m a pain… or anything along those lines….” I sat back with a bit of the pink ice cream in my fingers. “Where is John Murphy? And who are you?”

My attention went to the song. “I love this one.” I told him rubbing my thigh and chewing on the next piece.

“Sure, until I tell you to kiss my arse. Then you’d never do it.” Elbowing him wondering what he was doing with the two flavours now. “I am saving you some, I saved the whole thing!”

•— John —•

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. "Don't worry, Stargazer. The John Murphy you know and tolerate will be back as soon as the goodies run out." I smirked, quite proud of the turn of phrase.

The combination of the chocolate and vanilla wasn't anything special. "Pre-cataclysm Musicians weren't half bad at all." I agreed. I did love this song... sometimes music said things you didn't know how to say.

"Wow, the overachiever is showing all of her dirty little secrets tonight..." I shrugged. "It's not really my thing... but they say don't knock till you've tried it. So..." I flashed her an evil grin and tapped the side of her thigh lightly and continued. "Turn over and drop your pants." I laughed, I knew how to call a bluff.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes at him I shook my head. “No…. I think I like John Murphy as he comes. You can never tell which one you will see.”

My head moved side to side with the music and I sang badly along for a few words. And then my eyes flew to him.

“Don’t even joke. I will make you kiss my arse!” Pushing my thumb into the tired arms of the jumpsuit around my waist, I pushed it down just a smidgen. Laughing.

“Well? How is the combination working out? Try or pass?”

•— John —•

"Always threatening me with a good time." I chuckled. "And never delivering.” She was almost dancing, relaxing and taking a break.

Why did that flash of skin at the hemline of her shirt, above the knot she'd tied in her jumpsuit make my mouth go dry? I'd seen a lot more of her skin. Always in the course of trying to keep her alive.

I cleared my throat. "Um... It's a little bland, to be honest... But we should always try everything at least once, right?”

I tried the strawberry and the chocolate together... Distracting myself until I could get a grip on my overactive imagination.

•— Raven —•

Morning changed in him, making me tilt my head and frown but I didn’t push him. I took the time to replay the conversation, wondering what I’d said to change his tone however, nothing stood out.

“Oh yeah. Considering you were the one cooking back at home, and we didn’t know half of what we were eating. I’m glad to say I’m happy to try anything once.”

I took the vanilla chunk with the strawberry one, breaking them smaller before trying them together.

A couple of chews and I knew this was the one. However, I didn’t say it to him just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled; remembering everyone's faces when they tried my food for the first time. The shock, and excitement at eating good food. Then the guilt at the assumptions that I couldn't have done anything right.

"Well, l am happy to take all the blame for you being brave enough to try new food.”

I closed my eyes when the flavour of the strawberry and chocolate hit my tongue. "Oh wow!!” I grabbed another piece of each and held them out to her. You gotta try this.”

•— Raven —•

Without thinking, leaning into him my hands clasped his wrists gently. My lips touched his fingers as I took the offering from his hand directly chewing on it.

“Oh wow. That’s…” chewing some more before I let his hand go to try mine. “Okay, you need to try this.” I gathered the vanilla and the strawberry together holding them out to him.

“This is as good.” I said still into the burst of excitement that was flavour in my mouth, causing me to salivate.

•— John —•

My world stopped briefly... her lips brushed against my fingers and my mouth went dry. Then I forced myself to focus on her reaction. To stop this foolishness before I destroyed what we both worked so hard to salvage and rebuild.

But when she held out the vanilla and this one is good too!" I looked down the fast dwindling block you know there is only one thing left to try now don't you."

•— Raven —•

“All.. At... Once!” The excitement in my voice had been a little too intense. I knew it the moment I heard myself. However, could I stop myself? No!

“It has to happen. We have to experience all three in one go. You know we do.” I made the universal gesture telling him we were both on the same page.

“Do you think…” my voice cut off as I began to break up what little we had left into equal amounts. “Yeah, we do.” Answering my own question.

Pushing three pieces in front of him, and taking three myself. “Do you think we are crazy for doing this?”

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. Actually, nodded far too much that undercurrent of energy was still skittering along my bones. "It has to happen!" I said after her.

If there was one thing that Arkadians knew... it was how to split rations. And Raven knew this just as well as I did.

"Not crazy ... Just curious." I tilted my head. "But then again... curiosity killed the cat... and only crazy people do things that might get them killed."

My eyes met hers. "And I feel a little crazy.... like my insides are moving faster than my outsides." I looked at the six pieces she'd laid out for us

•— Raven —•

“Right…” I touched the tips of my finger to my cheeks which were heating for some reason. I hadn’t even moved from the spot. And it felt like I was running. “It feels like we should go for a run around the corridors.”

From somewhere underneath the words a giggle escaped my lips. My hand shot up to hide the fact, but then came another.

“Okay… okay..” I cleared my throat, shifting a little further forward towards the table.

“You know what. I never understood the meaning behind that phrase. I have said that curiosity is what kept the cat fed. You cannot find the next meal if you’re sitting still.”

My eyes found John, smiling at him with some excitement in my eyes. Nodding my head to the surface of the table.

“Let’s do this.”

I picked up the three pieces before myself, gathering them the best I could. In they went.

•— John —•

I grinned at her and barely resisted the urge to poke those pink cheeks. "Nah! That's just my presence making you blush!" I chuckled and picked up the three pieces. That short, high laugh did something to my stomach... Or was that the ice cream?

The song changed just when she picked up her pieces.

"Let's do this!" I echoed her words and tossed the pieces onto my tongue. But, I kept my gaze on her face for her reaction.

It hit me then... maybe this ship wouldn't be so bad after all. Not if there were new firsts for her to experience here. Especially after weeks of fear that at any moment the sword over her head could finally drop and her life would end too soon.

(Music: Summer Feeling · Matoma · Jonah Kagen)

youtube

•— Raven —•

The music changed at the same time as the flavours exploded on my taste buds. My eyes turned Wildly excited for all these taste sensations to form some kind of a…. a…

I lost my train of thinking as the bloom of flavours evolved on my tongue and engulfed my brain. “Hells!” Covering my mouth.

I couldn’t help the laughter and the flourish of my shoulders. I was dancing!!! Well…. Sit down dancing….. however, it was DANCING! The song was catchy, the lyrics would become wrapped in my head for days. I could tell.

•— John —•

When the riot of flavours hit my senses my eyes widened. "Now it makes sense why they put all three flavours in the same package." I chewed and savoured the flavours as they blended on my tongue.

The music was better than moonshine, and the song immediately had her letting her hair down. She was dancing from where she sat and I smiled as I watched.

I hopped up from the couch and pulled over the wheeled chair tucked neatly against a work desk. "You call that dancing?" I scoffed at her and scooped her up off the couch so fast she couldn't protest and sat her in the chair. No way was that brace going on her leg right now...

She was happy, smiling... this moment was going to be as pain-free as possible. I grabbed hold of the back of the chair and spun it around.

•— Raven —•

“HOLY SHIT!” The words spluttered out before I even knew what exactly had gone down.

“What are you thinking?” Then it was obvious and I loved it. Should we have been more careful? Yes, yes we should. However, the entire point of this night was to show him life up here would be different this time.

Laughter echoed in my new quarters as the room spun around me. I let my head fall back watching it all meld together into a giant spiral.

Humming to a song I didn’t know the words to. However, it still spoke to me.

“Faster! Spin me faster!”

•— John —•

I couldn’t help but laugh. Normally when I lifted her she protested, at least when she was conscious. But… not today. Today she was all smiles and giddy energy. Something I never thought I would see again after the first time I saw her happy drunk.

I did as she said and spun her around again, dragging the chair to the centre of the most open spot in the room. It wobbled a little to one side and I caught it before it tilted more than a few inches.

“Some mechanic you are!” I teased and spun her again. “Lopsided chairs in your quarters that you haven’t fixed.”

•— Raven —•

“Careful!” My hands darted to hold onto the chair when it became unbalanced, sending a small jolt through my body.

“Excuse me, it’s my night off. And I’m not spending my time in here fixing my room up just yet.” However, the chair went onto the list of things I did want to fix in here if I had some downtime. Knowing it would be a while I laughed.

“You know they say not to trust a mechanic whose house isn’t in order. So, it’s all on you…. Weeeeeeee” Laughter filled me with a feeling of inner peace and warmth.

•— John —•

I laughed, still making sure the catch and steady the chair between spins. It was so, so good to see her laugh unrestrained like this. The song changed and I stopped spinning her, my hands on the armrests so she was facing me.

“You have bigger things to worry about.” I rolled her chair over to the couch and helped her back onto it. “I may not be a mechanic. But I bet I can fix this chair.”

I smirked and tilted it to lie on its side. To my immediate relief, the cause was instantly clear. The screws that attached the chair to the base were loose. Easy! I hid my grin. I found a screwdriver with ease… Lined up in a neat line on a table. I picked the one that looked like the right size and sat cross-legged next to the toppled chair. “Easy peasy!” I smiled at her, wondering as I tightened each screw, if anyone had ever fixed anything for her before.

•— Raven —•

Smiling, the odd laughter still breaking out when he helped me cross back over to the couch. However, instead of sitting there, I lay down. My back on the couch looking over to watch him.

“Leave it, John, I’ll take a look….” But he was off. The chair was on its side, and John Murphy had a reason to do something. Slowly shifting my entire body to its side, I propped myself up on my elbow.

“It’s easy when you know how John. Who knew you had become so handy.” Laughing again now listening to the new song. I liked this one too, more than anything else I liked the fact that I had my friend back.

•— John —•

She shifted to lay down while I tightened the first screw. “Careful Reyes! You're starting to sound like a procrastinator.” I teased her and moved on to the second. “Besides when was the last time anyone fixed something for you?” I quirked a brow in her direction.

The last screw tightened and I grinned. Setting the chair upright and giving it a shake.

“Solid as a rock!” I boasted and went to sit on the floor with my back against the couch. Like I had so many times when she slept in her room on the island.

I leaned my head back and turned to see her. “Thanks for not dying, Stargazer.” I smiled. “I might never have tasted ice cream if you did.” I tried to keep a straight face.

•— Raven —•

“Never gonna happen.”

His question took me by surprise because I didn’t have an answer off the top of my head.

“Uhmm… I got some help with the leg brace.” Did that count? It must, right? The fact that I could bend my leg was thanks to the help in the design of it. His coming to sit on the ground beside the couch made me smile. I closed my eyes feeling the rushing blood inside me.

My hand close to him, moved into his hair. Stroking his head softly. When I breathed in, I felt it jitter a little, and then a tear rolled down the side of my eyes and into my hairline.

“Same right back at ya, Watcher. Not sure if have been I’d the mood for ice cream if you turned into crispy meat on me.”

•— John —•

“Okay… I suppose it does... But haven’t you redesigned it twice already?” Her fingers in my hair… it was strange… comforting… and a little tingly.

“Just a little charred around the edges.” I gave her a soft, sideways smile. I saw the tear reach up at an awkward angle to wipe it away.

She deserved a long and happy life. She was the best of us.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm… yeah…. I have… maybe more…” My eyes closed now feeling heavy, my body relaxed at his sweet touch, making me smile.

Turning my body towards him I curled up on the couch. Taking his hand and lacing my fingers into it I brought it to my chest.

With a sleep-filled voice, I muttered.

“You aren’t allowed to go anywhere… you are my Watcher… I need you… I need your friendship, John.”

My lips and mouth felt dry. However, I was being engulfed by sleep for the first time in so many days.

•— John —•

She took my hand, normally she only did that when she was trying to keep me from having one of my episodes, or dragging me somewhere to show me something I would have to pretend to understand until she remembered who she was talking to.

I shifted so my shoulder was against the sofa so I could rest my chin on the cushion. I smiled… Was Raven Reyes actually relaxing? I heard a little hoarseness in her voice and having spent far too long next to her hospital bed to not know what that meant I moved, stretching awkwardly to the table her water ration sat on.

“See…” I smirked, squeezing her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.” I held the cup close to her. “Take a drink, Stargazer. You just ate half a block of the tastiest chalk ever.” I didn’t mention ‘before she fell asleep’. The minute she heard that word she would snap back to attention… I wasn’t sure where the sudden tiredness came from… but I was feeling it too. The frantic energy burning too hot to last. But who cared? Raven was here… asking me to stay.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm?” His voice sounded far away, like an echo in the forest on the island. One I whisper back to. “Yes… stay… we still have… more… time…”

Eyes fluttering open I saw the glass at an uneven angle, slowly recognising the fact it was me who was at the wrong angle. I lifted myself onto my elbow. I took the water; sipping it, I wasn’t going to drink it all.

“Chalk? I’m planning on getting some more of it.” I had another package of the sweet treat. However, I was saving it for #Luna.

“Here.” Giving the water back to him. “Drink this and move off the ground. It’s cold and hard down there.”

•— John —•

I squeezed her hand again so she knew I was still there without having to say much. "Tasty chalk." I corrected her and made a show taking a swig of the water too... I didn't exactly want to drink from her ration, but I knew refusing would make her wide awake to tell me off. She looked like she might drift off any second. I had learned the hard way that every moment of sleep was precious when it came to her.

"Okay, I will. Lie back down.." I set the cup down and guided her back down to the couch with my free hand. But I had to free the hand she held to move to sit on the couch. I carefully lifted her legs and slid under them, draping them across my lap then immediately seeking out her hand again like it was my own missing limb. "See, still right here... and all cosy." I whispered and tried to stifle a huge yawn.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm…” smiling a little (or at least I thought I was).

“Cosy.. Uhm… yes…” The space between us had been cold, however, when he moved to join me on the couch I instantly felt comfortable. My limbs relaxed and the muscles which always seemed to hurt tuned out.

“Uhm…” The sound of the music became a distant hum, and…….

•— John —•

I said nothing, just brushed my thumb across the back of her hand. She had been taking my hand a lot lately… it was becoming difficult to stop myself from overthinking that fact. Buy there was no space for that right now… all there was, was Raven and this sudden wave of… I was stunned for a moment. It wasn't exhaustion… it was just… sleepiness. No draining all-consuming need to sleep. No aching terror at the thought of sleep.

Because I wasn't going to sleep. I lay my cheeks against the back of the couch. I rested the hand not clasped in hers on her leg, in case she turned in her sleep and sent the damaged limb sliding off my lap. That would cause a lot of pain without her brace. I watched for a long time, seeing the change in how quickly her chest rose and fell as she drifted off.

She was sleeping… I let my eyes close just to rest them for a moment. That was all… I would make sure that no nightmares would find her tonight.

“I'm right here…” I whispered. “You are safe.”

I was just resting my eyes.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #Youtube

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