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oktorpg · 10 hours ago

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The Moon Or The Stars - Book 3 - Storyline 11 - John and Raven

⊚ John ⊚

Coughs…

“Who said that?”

✭ Raven ✭

“Aww… John Murphy! Are you becoming all sweet and stuff for your little grounder love? Such a cutie.”

⊚ John ⊚

Confused...

"Wait..."

"My what now?"

✭ Raven ✭

Considering what I said. Seeing nothing wrong.

“You know…” Winking a couple of times. “Everyone knows, John.”

⊚ John ⊚

A little lost… “Everyone knows….”

I mean… Everyone knew, apparently! Everyone but Rey. “Everyone…”

Oh!!! Oh… fuck!!!

✭ Raven ✭

Looks at him with my smile falling a little.

“Yeah… Everyone… you know… about your crush…”

Trying to keep it all light and fun.

⊚ John ⊚

Crush… wait she knew!?

“You…” no… she said grounder? What?

Did she mean Luna or Emori, like Bellamy and the others teased me about?

“Have you been listening to Blake and his fan club?”

✭ Raven ✭

Laughing, and nudging him with my elbow.

“Chill, Watcher, no one is saying anything bad or anything like that. And they weren’t really telling me. It’s just hard to not overhear things sometimes.”

⊚ John ⊚

I visibly relaxed… nudging her right back.

“Well, you know… listening to what you overhear isn't the best source of information.” I grinned. I couldn't tell her there was no crush…. Even if crush wasn't a nearly strong enough word. “There’s no grounder. People just talk because I live with two girls.”

I shrugged.

“It's not like I planned for all my friends to be girls… it just happened.”

✭ Raven ✭

“Are you saying I’m on the outs with all the good information around here?”

Of course, it wouldn’t surprise me. I liked to keep my head down and get on with what’s important. Talk and gossip weren’t high on my list of priorities.

“And please! You live with kick-arse girls. Who could crush anyone with just a look.”

I’d didn’t occur to me until now what his circle of chosen friends would look like to others.

“There is nothing wrong with your choice of friends. Who you see as your family. Don’t worry about what’s being said.”

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed... “Oh hell yeah!! But not because they are keeping things from you… you just tend to concentrate on stuff and focus on what’s important.” I nudged her. “And I don't mean your work... You focus on people individually.”

I shrugged. “Hey, I have no issue with it… I honestly never thought about it until Blake brought it up.” I lowered my voice.

“Have you noticed the crew have this weird thing about gender? Like if a guy and girl are close they must be sleeping together or wishing they were?” Genuinely curious about the gender discrepancy I noticed.

✭ Raven ✭

Nudging him right back, I laughed with him until his last comment hit some kind of a chord in my head.

Pulling my eyebrows together recalling…

“You know what. Yeah. I noticed it with some of them looking at Jax a funny way too.” It didn’t phase my friend or me. “It’s as though they expect us to conform to a certain standard.” Thinking about Luna and Harper's bad-arse shooting skills. “Miles joked about it all, one night. How a guy and a gal cannot be friends. What rubbish. Look at us.” Nudging his shoulder again.

⊚ John ⊚

“It's weird… I mean we saw that stuff in movies, and they talked about it in earth history… but meeting people that lived through it is strange…” I was glad to change the subject.

“Lizzie told me all about coming out to her parents about dating girls… she nearly cried when I told her; no one does that anymore... Not grounders, not Skaikru. That we just fancy who we fancy and hope they like us back.”

✭ Raven ✭

“She did?” My heart sank even thinking about the kind-hearted woman who had been tricky to deal with at the start. However, when she opened up herself there was no going back.

“Could you imagine needing to do something like that? To tell people who you love and why?”

⊚ John ⊚

I could see the heartache in her eyes... so I didn't fill her in on the things Lizzie filled me in on... like entire nations getting to vote on who was allowed to marry who and so on. Like it would affect the whole world if two people married and had the same parts. It was baffling.

"I guess it's a silver lining right? Now she can experience a world where she doesn't need to explain herself to anyone. She said she fought for equality like that, all her life. Now she sees that she won... made a difference. Even if the world had to end first."

✭ Raven ✭

I couldn’t gauge the difference between now and then. Sure, it was astounding when movies from the past only showed love in a certain way. Songs were only written for a specific audience. But it wasn’t something we had to fight for. We loved who we loved, and no one had a problem or a say.

“It really boggles my mind, the audacity of people to believe they have a right to tell another person who to love and be with. I… yeah… silver lining…” shaking my head.

“Did you ever think we would see a silver lining in our life now?”

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed and shook my head. Sure, the silver lining wasn't really for us... Lizzy might have been the only one left from her generation who could possibly understand it... but still. It was something, right?

"Honestly.... and you probably won't believe me... but, yeah. I did." I chuckled... shocking myself at the truth in the statement.

"When people like you... Luna, Emori... Abby... even Harper still exists... there will be silver linings to find. Not easily but they are out there."

Okay, sure I was pissed at Abby right now... but it is still true.

✭ Raven ✭

Rolling my eyes like the pro that I was at it. I nudged him with my shoulder.

“I’d tell you to shut up, but we both know you’re right… we are the silver lining to all the promises that are made in our dysfunctional family.”

Half teasing, and half kinda owning up to the fact that the girls in our group were very happy to help wherever and whenever it was needed.

“So, what’s my prize? I don’t have anything to show for this new title.”

I hadn’t forgotten about his comment, but. I could wait for him to tell me himself.

⊚ John ⊚

I rolled my eyes harder and laughed. "That was not what I meant!" I teased her... but I kind of did. "I just meant that people like you find the silver linings! The fact that I noticed this was a fluke. I'm sure my regularly scheduled pessimism will resume any minute now."

I tilted my head and thought about it... "A prize?" Then I had an idea. I pulled out the journal Jackson was still making me write and slipped a loose piece of paper from between the pages.

I pulled on the flattened folds gently and it took shape with ease. "Jackson makes me make these sometimes. Says it calms the mind." I handed her the little paper bird. "Your prize!" I grinned.

✭ Raven ✭

“That’s what you say now? Back then you were all. ‘Oh Raven, keep it up so I can reaper stick your arse.” Laughing at the way I attempted to sound like him.

“HOW MANY did you make?” The words came clobbering out of my mouth. Brows shoot up in surprise. I mean it didn’t look hard to make. But there must be some trick to getting it so crisp.

“Uhm… I mean I can see how Jax may have a point. You were cooking for everyone. Making things we never heard or thought of before. So… yeah… I get it.”

Eyes back on the little bird resting on the palm of my hand. “Creating something so.. fragile.. it gives you time to stop. Think. And maybe even appreciate each fold.”

⊚ John ⊚

I raised a single brow at her impression of me. Then I grinned. “You know… it was always more fun to threaten you, than when I actually had to use them on you.” I laughed. “Not including the first time… that was just…” Terrifying. But I didn’t go there. She only remembered it as a passenger. Which was probably even more terrifying.

“Well, I mean that depends on… if you mean how many looked like birds? Or how many looked like THAT bird… because if it's the last one then… I guess, I made one.” I chuckled remembering the pile of papers Jackson and I cleared away, trying to think of how they could be recycled. But ultimately it was Jackson’s problem. And it had been a pretty fun session too… that didn’t stop me from leaving him with a stack of crumpled papers to figure out what to do with, though.

I started to think about the process again, how when I slowed down and took it one crease at a time; I created the little figure… and now here it was… making someone smile. Just like my food did. “Fuck’s sake!” I muttered. “If you tell Jackson he was right I’ll deny it to my last breath. This stays between us.”

✭ Raven ✭

“Oh… oh… I see now… I see how it is between us... John Murphy… revenge is best served cold. Or so I’ve read.” Giving him the very same eyebrow as he gave me.

When in truth, I knew. I knew that he and Luna had done everything in their power to stop me from killing myself. And my heart knew I couldn’t repay them for it. Their hard work and dedication kept me alive long enough for me to finally find a way out of the mess I’d been plunged into.

Seeing a glint of something close to … I wasn’t sure what. Maybe fondness? “No… they all count.” Holding my hand up, with the little bird.

“We know better than anyone, that perfect doesn’t mean anything. All the ones who have something broken are the ones who we should love and cherish a little more.”

Hells… none of us were perfect in any way. Then… I burst out laughing so hard, I felt my chest opening, joy filling it, with tears in my eyes.

“Blackmail materials?” I wouldn’t ever use it against him.

“What’s it worth? Keeping your secrets?” I’d do it for free. It wouldn’t go any further.

⊚ John ⊚

“Maybe I’ll nick one from Abby’s medical bag and use it on you just for shits and giggles… I think that would be way more fun than when you were possessed or seizing.” I teased her. “I bet I could even find a grounder or two to give you a great big tattoo while you were out cold.”

Then there was that laugh… the one that made my heart stop for a moment before it lurched and beat harder than before. The gold in her eyes brightened and all those constant hints of pain vanished for a while. “Just my undying love and devotion,” I said… like it was a joke… like she wasn’t the only reason that my heart could still beat, never mind race the way it was now.

“But now I kind of feel bad that Jackson took all the broken birds to be recycled.” I thought about what she said. I knew she wasn’t talking about the actual folded pieces of paper. And I knew that nothing I said to her would be turned into a weapon against me… That was something I never had to fear with her.

✭ Raven ✭

“Hey!” Punching him playfully on the arm. “You don’t need to go threatening me like that. Friends are meant to be… you know… nice!”

If we ever changed this dynamic between us I would take us both to the med room for a full check-up. Something would have gone wrong! Seriously wrong!!

He made me laugh again. “Undying love, and devotion? Is that what we are calling it now? I’m sure if I gave it some thought, I’d find a list of other things to name it.”

My laugh became a smile. “True beauty is found in the broken and the cracks.” Something I was learning.

“Do you know that for centuries the people of Japan believed in not hiding what was broken.” Moving my hands in a circle before me keeping the bird held between my fingers.

“If a bowl broke. They fixed it. But they didn’t hide the cracks. They enhanced them, by painting them gold.” Trying to remember what it was called my eyebrows pulled together.

“They called it Kintsugi…. Or … Kintsukuroi… it’s in one of Becca’s journals… it looks beautiful… to show your broken but on the mend.”

⊚ John ⊚

“Nice… When have we ever been nice? Brutally honest… outright angry… empathic… sarcastic… understanding…” My eyes moved to hers. “Protective.” I chuckled. “All words I would use. But Nice? Maybe I did Reaper-stick you a few too many times.”

I said nothing… I just let her assumptions sit… let her believe it exactly as I intended to. Once again… my cowardice crushing my own heart. When she spoke of gold and mending things I felt like the life support system was malfunctioning the way it had on the Ark. That feeling of breathing in and filling your lungs only the air was oppressively thin, not enough oxygen. But no one else was alarmed. I figured it was in my head.

I laughed, then… her nerding out filling the room with oxygen again and the mention of gold had me leaning closer and looking into those gold-flecked hazel eyes. I couldn’t help it, there was an immense feeling of happiness. That feeling that our friendship was no longer mending… but fixed. I felt like I was on a cord.. swinging from one mood to the next.

“They used gold to repair things… hmm…” I watched her eyes brighten. “I wonder how many times you have mended yourself then? All that gold. Beautiful and unbroken.” My fingers twitched, wanting to touch her cheek… her hand… anything.

✭ Raven ✭

“All those things mean 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐞 in our love language, John Murphy.” Giving him the mother of all eye rolls. “That’s the joy of naming and building your relationships… you… Luna… Harper…. Jax…. All of us… we all have a special mix that makes us who we are.”

Pushing my elbow into his side. “You and Emori. You guys have your own mix that makes you guys who you are to each other. Bell and I have our own. Griff and… well you get it, right?”

It wasn’t until I felt him leaning into me, that my eyes moved to see how he was looking at me. I was uncertain, about what he was seeing, or was he in a serious search for something in my features? So, I waggled my eyebrows at him.

“Keep coming closer, Watcher. You’ll be stepping into my boots soon.” Laughing at the fact the man wasn’t in personal space with me at that time. Nodding my head slowly, because I could swear I saw a flash of fear in those sea blue eyes of his, and I didn’t want to push him away from our friendship at all.

“Well… not gold… Gold-coloured paint. I mean they did use gold once upon a time. But then it became too expensive.

⊚ John ⊚

I chuckled. “That’s exactly what I just said!” I teased and poked her. “Just with less fancy words.”

I chuckled at her lacklustre reaction to my invasion of her space. If it actually bothered her she would simply move away. But She didn’t… she hadn’t moved away from me in a deliberate way in so long that I could hardly remember. Was it the night she split my lip?

I mean, she had clearly moved away from me… but it was never about getting away from me… she was moving across a room… or going to work. “I think we gave up on personal space the second time I had to revive you, Reyes.” Then I smirked. “Besides if I was really annoying you… your eyes would be much darker.” I smiled and gave her a little space… well, okay… it was for me too. Before I did something silly I couldn’t take back.

✭ Raven ✭

“No… that's what I said and then you disagreed with it.” Crossing my arms in front of me when he moved back away.

“We are adding no space to the life of things we now do in this friendship, watcher?” Eyeing him closer than before. But then my eyes dropped.

“My eyes don’t do that do they?” The doubt creeping its way in now. Did he really know so much about my eyes?

“Reyes? Did you just call me Reyes?” My hands flew up to my neck. “Not Raven. Or Rey, or even Stargazer? I feel betrayed!” Teasing in my voice, I didn’t mind the names.

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed and gave in. Because she was probably right, and I was far too distracted now to come up with a nearly coherent rebuttal. “No more space…” I said with a smile. “I do better with you calling me out on my bullshit.” My words tumbled out far too fast. Shit! Should I have said that? It wasn’t fair to put that on her shoulders. She had enough to deal with without being made responsible for my shitty decisions.

“You’re the one that nicknamed me The Watcher, for noticing these kinda things… So…” I smirked. “If you think I'm wrong… then I guess that's kinda like admitting you were wrong about it too!” I teased her.

I laughed at her exaggerated offence. “You forgot about, Pigeon.” I laughed. “I have a few other names I could call you too…” I smiled… because she would always and forever be my Stargazer. My stomach tightened at the memory of the night by the pool. Her feet were in the unnaturally blue water, the ripples on the surface casting shadows on her face in a way that made me examine each of her features in the shadow and the light, while she told me all about the constellations and the stories humans made up about their origins. I was still too afraid then to even take off my boots.

✭ Raven ✭

“Too right I would. I’ve tried letting you work out the BS from the not-so-BS, and look where that got us.” As soon as I said it, my heart dropped, and my hands fisted.

My head flashed back to the way I was told he had been locked up on this ship, at the way I ran knowing how being locked would make him feel. With the guilt of leaving him to fend for himself. And then… his eyes behind the bars. The way he looked, and tried to hide his fear, and then it all came rushing out.

A cold shiver took hold of me, and I shook it off. Just picking up on the rest of the conversation.

“We both know I’m not wrong often, so let’s go with the fact that I was right in this incident.”

Arching my eyebrow at him, I shook my head. “Pigeon…” my heart sank again. “You haven’t used that one in a long while. I’d figured it was gone.” Smiling a little. “Do I even want to know which other names you have saved up for me?”

⊚ John ⊚

I smiled at her. “I promise I will learn to make good choices alone… but it's just… taking a while.” I shook my head. “I think my problem was that when I only cared about me… I made selfish choices. Then when I found people I cared about… I only cared about them. Protecting them… and… according to my shiny new therapist, I do that in the most extreme ways. And damn the consequences.”

I took her hand and smiled at her. “Raven… you didn’t do anything wrong… you were angry. I disappointed you. I disappointed myself… I did a stupid thing, it scared you. Clearly scared myself too. Maybe we both made bad decisions that day… but mine was the cause of it all.” I shrugged a little. “And maybe it was for the best… at least now I have a name for it. Right? It’s a start. I remember how mad I felt sometimes when you risked your safety, your health…

I chuckled then… “Well, I might have used the lab computers to look up a pigeon… and they were not pretty. So, it didn’t suit you. But Raven’s… they were mysterious, and they apparently symbolise insight and prophecy. And that…” I squeezed her fingers again. “That suits you much more.” Then I pointed at the paper bird… “But this one. This is a crane, and they are a symbol of good fortune and immortality.”

✭ Raven ✭

“Well… Hells… John. You kind of took the wind out of my sails there.” My hazel eyes took him in as he spoke so well about the journey we were both learning to navigate. “I bet Jax would be proud to hear what you just told me. It’s a long road you are walking. But Hells. “You’re working damn hard.”

I couldn’t and wouldn’t disagree with his statement, but it was on both our heads at best. But then again, he wasn’t the only one who had some learning to do.

“I will cherish this little one. It will take a positively prideful position.” Even if I hadn’t ever seen a pigeon in my life. It was John Murphy handing out the nickname. I never expected the bird to be some beautiful creature. It had to be something that didn’t match up to a Raven.

“Whatever the name, it’s the hope and enjoyment it gives you that counts in the end. So, a Raven, a pigeon or a crane. They all symbolise something good about our lives. At least that’s how I see it.”

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed… How did this woman manage to make me feel better about being so reliant on her when she was all about her own independence? “Oh, I’m sorry! I will continue to be a constant burden to you.” I said it like it was a promise. But I knew it wasn’t truly what she wanted from me.

I smiled at her… was she seeing a change in me? She saw me like no one else… she called me out and didn’t let me hide behind my sarcasm or let me away with not pulling my weight because people assumed I was useless. If she thought I was getting better it had to mean something.

“I mean it was fun… more fun than the ‘Tell me about your mother’ sessions.” I half chuckled and half sighed. “But seeing your reaction to it was even better. You’re always so…” Hell! There were too many words. “… Gracious.”

✭ Raven ✭

Waving my free hand in the air. I wanted so much for him.

I wanted mostly for my friend to be safe and healthy. I’d seen the dullness in his eyes, seeing what the fear of being left behind did to him… and I didn’t want to see that pain in those eyes again.

“Please, we both know better.” Rolling my eyes once before half smiling.

“There is nothing gracious between us. It’s more of a…” trying to find the perfect words. “….Well, it’s more the fact that… like you said… it’s good to keep your arse from getting into trouble.”

⊚ John ⊚

I rolled my eyes right back at her because sometimes ten-year-old logic just made sense, and I had already given her a few nudges today and I didn’t want to overtax her hip. I smiled at her then though. “But seriously… I never felt like I had anything of value to give to another person before… but you… I could hand you something that means the world to you or a piece of paper… and you… just…” I didn’t have the words. What was it? Grateful? I mean, yes she always was… but it wasn’t that. It was something that came from me, not her.

“Make me feel like I have something worthy to offer… I never felt that before the island.”

✭ Raven ✭

I turned away from John and began walking. Standing in one place for too long hurts after a while. With no destination in mind, I listened and nodded my head.

“I guess it has more to do with the intention..” thinking about my words as I said them. “That intention is where the true value of an object comes from. Or at least it does for me.” Holding up the small paper bird. “Be it this, or a rock, or a tab with books to read, or music, with a jar of hundred-year-old chocolate spread.”

Glancing back to see if he understood me.

“We have nothing to share but what is in our hearts, John. It would be heartbreaking if someone didn’t approve or appreciate a gift.”

⊚ John ⊚

I thought about what she said… not following her until I knew if she was just pacing to keep the blood flowing or if she truly needed to move. The list… it was all things that I had given her… I smiled. “I guess having nothing to give was a good thing, I never had anyone reject a gift either.” I started to follow her then when she was still moving. “Let’s go find a room with a view or something,” I suggested, knowing those rooms would also have a place to sit.

“I think you might be the only person I have ever given anything to, now that I think about it… I mean other than food… but I don’t think that counts… and I suppose Emori when we were stealing to survive.”

I chuckled to myself then… her words replaying in my head. “You remember all of those things?” I smirked. “I really am living rent-free in your head aren’t I?” I teased her.

✭ Raven ✭

That earned him a roll of my eyes. (It was becoming a reoccurrence with his comments.)

“Rent-free?” Giving him a questioning look as I pushed the button on the door waiting for it to slide open.

“Just because I about had my brain melt away, doesn’t mean I don’t remember.” Pushing my hands into the pockets of the jumpsuit I wore.

“You don’t need to get a big head. I also remember the things other people gave me too. If you want me to list them, I can.”

He was something, his cheek was coming back which I took as a good sign. “Also, food counts. You didn’t need to step up and do anything. But you chose to take the task that gave people hope, health, and joy at times too. Feeding us when we didn’t know what we were doing… it counts.”

Walking in the silent corridor, the sounds of the ship keep us company for now.

⊚ John ⊚

I quirked a brow at her eye roll. It was a good thing… it was normal. Well, no… nothing between her and I had ever been 𝕟𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕝… but it was how we had always been. At least, how we have been after we stopped fighting one another and started working together to keep her alive. She was hiding her pain again… she hid her hands… a habit I had noticed… but I wasn’t sure if it was to hide fists clenched against the pain or if it was because they shook. I was still working that out, but given the work she did… I was betting it was the former, if there was one thing Raven knew how to do it was to keep her hand steady. We stepped through the door she’d opened. I followed her.

I set that thought to the side. “I wasn’t actually shocked you remembered… I’m just… I guess I’m not used to being noticed.” I chuckled darkly. “When people do notice me… It normally means they want me dead? So, I got really good at not being noticed.” I realised then I was following her, not paying attention to where we were heading. I still wasn’t as familiar with this ship as she was, but I was committing what I could to memory so I couldn’t get led somewhere I really didn’t want to be. I was letting my guard down… Was that a good thing? No… I needed to be more aware. I had to be to keep her safe. I straightened, taking note of where we were, the empty hallways, and how many doors we passed.

“Yeah… it was strange… seeing the change in everyone… their faces mostly. Especially the girls… but…” I sighed. “These rations… I’m already noticing people losing weight. Harper… Abby…” And of course… Raven. But she knew that all too well as well. I knew we needed to conserve the food… when we finally got back to earth there might not be a natural food source. We would need to feed people while fields were planted… while shelters were built and hunting parties sent out. But it felt wrong to me… I had been spoiled on the island.

✭ Raven ✭

That comment stung, even though it wasn’t aimed at me. A flash of a time before I cared to know this boy flicked in my memory. Biting on my lips I kept my eyes on the corridor ahead.

“People have their own ways, but when you feed someone. It’s a sure way towards trust. I mean, think about it. If you wanted to... You could have poisoned us all. You could have played with us and made us sick. But you didn’t. And everyone who sat around that table to eat with you. They had to trust you. Otherwise… they would have found and cooked their own food.”

It was as painful and simple as I could consider the facts.

“Hmm… yeah… it’s not hard to notice the change. After the… well the pace we had on the island… it’s harder this time around.” We had all been spoilt.

Stopped at a crossway, I went quiet trying to recall where that small hold with the view of the earth had been. I’d taken John there once before. And then I remembered.

A few more steps, to the elevators. “Level 3,” I whispered, looking up at the arrows above the doors.

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed. “And let the poisoned throw off my perfectly balanced flavours?” I honestly had no idea what that meant. But I had read it in one of the cookbooks in Becca’s kitchen. The first thing I tasted on earth was half charred panther meat and at the time… it was the best thing I ever tasted. Even if it did take a whole day just to chew my chunk. My skills developed rather quickly once I learned how to catch my dinner and not dig for it under rocks. But by the time we reached the island… my murdering days were behind me. Not that I wouldn’t have killed to protect the others and myself… but that didn’t fall into the murder category in my opinion.

I waited with her, examining her for more signs of pain… maybe once we were inside I could let her lean on me again like the last time. Let her have a small break from the pressure on her leg. I had missed which call button she pressed though. Not that it mattered; I trusted her.

When the doors opened I exhaled too loudly. Shaw was inside with a crew member whose name I still didn’t know. So that plan was out the window.

“Good evening, Officer,” I smirked and saluted him. Dammit!!! So much for trying not to be a dick to him.

✭ Raven ✭

“Of course.” I was smiling, listening to him and hearing his truth. It gave me proof of how much we had all grown to care for one another.

When the doors opened I stopped myself just before tumbling into Miles.

‘Watch your step.’ He smiled down at me.

“Sorry! I didn’t expect to find anyone on the elevator at this time.” I told him.

I followed his eyeline to John and frowned giving John the eye. The one that shouted; ‘𝘽𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛!’

‘Good evening, Raven. Are you heading up or down?’ He chose to speak with me. I’d guess he’d not appreciate the salute John gave him. He stepped back into the box making room for me beside him.

I smiled at the other crew member before answering. “John and I are headed up.”

Stepping inside, I reached out and grabbed a hold of John’s hand pulling him inside too. Miles places his finger over the number panel waiting for me to give him a number.

“Three please.” He pressed the button smiling.

‘We are just heading up to the bridge to take the night shift.’ The crew member said.

⊚ John ⊚

Raven gave me her evil eye and I winked at her… mostly because I knew she would take it as a sarcastic comment. But Shaw? I grinned to myself, that was a different story…

Before I could comment on how I always go down first; Raven had told him the opposite. And she had taken my hand, tugging me along with her and making me forget there was anyone else present. My thumb brushed across the back of her knuckles with ease until she spoke. Then, I remembered we weren’t alone. I leaned against the wall and pulled her next to me, resting my arm and shoulder against hers so she could lean on me before the lift did that thing that made your stomach rise and fall when it started. These lifts were pretty smooth from her hard work on them… but it was an unsteady moment for most, so I tried to wordlessly tell her to lean on me if she wanted to. I still had her hand… the other crew member glanced at them, then looked away again. The people from their century had a serious thing about physical contact between males and females. No wonder Lizzy hid the fact she liked girls for so long.

“A night shift with Miles?” I said to the other guy. “Did you pull the short straw?” I teased and then stopped abruptly. What the hell was wrong with me?

To my surprise, the guy laughed and then stopped as abruptly as I had when he looked at Miles. He cleared his throat. ‘I didn’t think the kitchen staff worked this late… don’t you have to start your shifts really early?’ He would know that I worked there… everyone on this tin can had received rations from me. And I knew I had delivered some to the bridge to this same man when there wasn’t anyone to relieve him for his assigned meal time. ‘Where you headed?’

“I was never much of a sleeper and I’m just following our genius mechanic to wherever she wants to go.” I smiled, a petty part of me wanting to lift our clasped hands. But the part that loved Raven more than I hated Shaw won. Her hand in mine was not a weapon or a tool of spite. It was her hand…. in mine. Mine in hers.

✭ Raven ✭

The moment the elevator moved; my stomach rose into my mouth. But I liked it. There was a small thrill when the motion began and stopped.

Leaning into the pull which came from my side, knowing without the need to glance that John had done his normal move. Where he gave me ways to take my weight off my body without making a show of it. And even with it being an unspoken action. The No explanation needed kind. This was part of our friendship before the shit hit the fan.

I had to smile to myself looking between the three men. Only then noticing Miles's smile had dimmed when his eyes moved over me.

I frowned arching my eyebrow in question. But he averted his gaze. Without saying anything.

The frown line on my forehead deepened as I tuned into the conversation taking place between the crewman and John.

⊚ John ⊚

Just because I didn’t react to her leaning on me didn’t mean I didn’t notice… it gave me that warm sensation in my chest. I leaned close to Raven and whispered. “I could learn to like this one.”

The number four above the door lit up and I slipped my hands behind Raven in a gesture no one would really notice… well… an Arkadian wouldn’t but Shaw’s generation were seemingly hyper-fixated on physical contact. The elevator stopped at three and I added a little pressure to my touch, just to support her pushing off the wall… she was capable of the rest. This was just what I could do without anyone paying attention. “Reshop yo.” (Goodnight you two.) I said as we exited the lift without really realising I had slipped into Trig. “Um… I mean… Night. Don’t work too hard.”

‘You think it’s simple keeping this thing in orbit?’ Shaw asked and I was completely unable to read his expression… wasn’t it maintaining orbit on its own before Ray woke them up? I had a feeling that saying that would not fall under the category of trying not to be an arsehole, though.

“Um… Then work very hard I guess?” Shit… that was arsehole-y, right? But then the doors were sliding closed. Thank the Stars for that!

“Was it just me or was that awkward as fuck?” I asked Raven.

✭ Raven ✭

The other crew member gave us a quick good night. However, my eyes lingered on Miles. He gave me a pained look. One I couldn’t quite understand. It’s not like any look Luna, or Abby, or even Bells would give me. Those I knew right away.

However, before I could ask. The doors closed, leaving me and John on the other side.

“Yeah…” the crease in the middle of my forehead deepened as I contemplated the last five minutes. “That wasn’t…. Uhm…. Normal?” Was ‘normal’ even something we could have any more? Maybe… someday….

“Do you think I should go and offer to help them?” I asked before I could stop myself. And then quickly shook my head. “No… they will be fine.” I had plans. If sitting on a view deck with your friend was classed as ‘Plans’ at least.

⊚ John ⊚

Miles didn’t look happy; I knew it was because Raven hadn’t let go of my hand in the lift. His people… his generation… it was hardly my fault that the assumed physical touch meant intimacy. But his wounded pride wasn’t misplaced, our closeness was proof that our relationship was a whole lot deeper than anything he built with her in the days he’d known her. Then there was everything we had survived together… he would never know her like I did… even if she did pick him.

Not that it was really picking because she had no idea either of us had feelings for her. I squeezed her hand. “If you wanna go help out I’ll walk up there with you…” I told her… the words came easily because I would rather her be where she felt she should be. Even if it made my stomach churn. I meant it, I would take her up there… but I wouldn’t stay… I would only be in the way. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to control my sarcasm in front of Shaw. “But it sounded like a pretty routine shift. And you’ve done more than your share today.” I stopped walking and stepped in front of her, stopping her too. “Where do you want to be right now Rey? There’s no wrong answer.”

I meant this too, I had spent so long telling her where she needed to be, when she needed to sleep, take a break, eat… drink… all in the name of saving her life… or prolonging it at the time. That was done. She could be herself now… make her own choices. She hadn’t gotten to do that for so long, I wasn’t about to make her feel guilty about ducking out on me to be productive.

✭ Raven ✭

I stopped abruptly, my free hand reaching out to hold myself from falling into John.

“Jeez John! Give me some warning!” Smirking as my hazel eyes met his gaze as he asked me the question.

I felt taken aback at the soulful expression in his blue eyes locked onto me. Why did it feel as though there had been more to this question than had been voiced?

Was I imagining it? I must have been.

Tilting my head to the side I narrow my gaze a little. “I thought I had just told you the answer. I want to be here.” What was I missing? Something… it seemed to be a running joke these days with me. Missing the clear line drawn in the sky, I saw nothing.

“Unless…” wait… shit! “Unless you have plans… in which case you go… don’t worry about keeping me company.”

Wait… wasn’t it me who was keeping him company?

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed a little and took the hand she had caught herself with in my free one. “Steady now Stargazer… and all this time, you claimed to be immune to my charms and yet here you are… swooning.” I teased and stepped backwards still holding her hands.

I shook my head at her and laughed. “This little trip was my idea remember?” I quirked a brow. I know that look in her eyes was about this imaginary girlfriend she thought I had. Even though I probably should have let her keep thinking that; I couldn’t… besides in Raven’s view; the greatest wrong a person could do was lie. “No plans… no one is missing me. Well, other than this last-minute plan with you. But I know you’re a workaholic and I know I was joking about needing constant supervision. But I…” I exhaled heavily… maybe I should lay all bare… or almost all, at least. “I spent a lot of time on Earth taking away your choices. And I don’t want to do that anymore. If you feel like you should be doing something else… then I want you to know you can tell me.”

✭ Raven ✭

“Wh… ho…. Oh…. Like hells! Swooning my arse cheek! You wish I was all up in your… well.. whatever you think it is you pull on the females… and some males too.”

It was my turn to tease because I knew him well enough to know when he was trying to get a reaction out of me. Well. That was until John Murphy decided to tell me what he was really thinking.

Curling my fingers into his, with a squeeze and a tug to make sure he was paying attention.

“Hey. It’s okay. I’m sure someone, somewhere is waiting on you.” Winking with a shake of my shoulders.

“And don’t do that.” Tugging on his hand again. “Don’t hold the actions you took, to save me from myself, and weaponize them against yourself. Because I really don’t hold them against you in any way. I’m here, alive, and ready for the next crazy situation. All thanks to the things you made me do.”

⊚ John ⊚

I chuckled at her. “Nah… your immunity is fading more and more every day. Another year and you will be under my spell.” I waggled my brows at her.

It’s okay. I’m sure someone, somewhere is waiting on you.

That sank in deep… but it didn’t cut like I would have thought. “I don’t think I want to think of it like that… like waiting… that sounds… lonely. Things will happen or they won’t.” I knew I was on a pathway to being alone… at least in the sense, she was talking about right now. But I could be okay with that. I had Rey… not the way I dreamed about, but I had her… I had Luna and Emori… things could be a whole lot worse.

I smiled when she essentially admitted I was right about her needs on earth… Yes! That is basically what she said. I was right. “Don’t get me wrong… I’m not sorry… I don’t regret it. And if it ever comes to it…” I locked baby blue eyes on hers. “I would do it again. But right now… I don’t need to, you are safe… and we can just… Let you do what you do best.” My smile turned cheeky. “Boss everyone else around.” Then with just a hint of seriousness. “For real though… I’ll never stop you from trying to get your work done… I’ll judge you… mock you… and bug you relentlessly. But I won’t stop you.” Okay, so the serious tone petered off there at the end.

✭ Raven ✭

“We are all on our own and lonely at some points in life. It’s just how it is… And some of us.” (Me!) “Are meant to be.”

I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but there it was. The truth of being on your own with people who always seemed to find others to share their nights with. Nodding my head once as we walked. I knew he was right about not ever stopping me from working.

“Yeah, I know. But now in hindsight, I get it. Even if I cursed you at the time. A little.”

Walking in silence the whole loneliness conversation stuck with me heavily, and unexpectedly.

The lights in the ship had been changed. I had worked out how to change them from chasing a person to going dim. Then for them to sense someone before they even came down a corridor. It saved energy, and wouldn’t give those suffering nightmares from the dark. When we came to the doors we wanted, I pushed the button. These doors slid open with ease, with no heavy noises to wake the dead.

Making me smile because these were small things I’d been working on after everyone went to sleep.

⊚ John ⊚

Okay, that burned… and I knew… I knew that she didn’t mean I was meant to be alone… she was only ever casually cruel to herself… but at the same time… I knew I WAS meant to be alone. Otherwise, why would be in love with the one person I deserve the least in this tiny subset of humanity left alive on this ship?

As the doors she halted before opened, I looked around… “Wait… did you…” I watched as another section of lights behind us dipped but didn’t go out… I hadn’t imagined it. “Did you fix the lights?” Okay, they were never broken… but they were creepy as all hell. “Jeez… Rey… Do you ever take a day off?” It sounded like a normal conversation… but I was worried… had she done this on every level? Was it a coding thing or did she physically reconfigure each section on each floor by herself? I squeezed her hand again… trying to ease my concern with her presence.

✭ Raven ✭

My hazel eyes dipped to the squeeze at my hand, before glancing back over my shoulder to the corridor we left behind as it turned down into energy saving.

“They weren’t broken, John.” Toning the conversation down as if it weren’t a big deal. “It was upsetting some of the people onboard. The little ones especially.”

Not a lie, they didn’t like the way the lights chased them. And nor did he. But I knew, he wouldn’t be happy if I told him I didn’t because of the fear I witnessed in his eyes. It hurt like a stab in the chest. “Nah… Sleep is for the weak.” Chuckling a little before stepping into the observation deck.

The lights in here remained dim, it was the best way to look out into the vast space before us.

⊚ John ⊚

“I know…” I said, too fast… too… shaky. Here I was making promises not to tell her how and when she should choose to work. But now all I could think about was taking her back to her room and playing music until she fell asleep… watching to make sure she stayed that way… one hand on her back between her shoulder blades to keep the nightmares away.

“H—how?” I swallowed thickly wanting to clear the worry from my voice. “How… um… does it work… is it computerised or something?” I mean I was sure that was still difficult, but nothing like the other option. I knew what she meant… it was upsetting for me… and I didn’t know what was stronger; the warmth it caused in my chest or the stress that coiled in my stomach that she put herself under pressure like that for me. I knew she was right… I hadn’t witnessed it, but of course, it scared the kids.

I stepped inside with her. The moon was huge… the lights in here stayed low and the soft, almost blue glow of the moon was the main source of light in here. The door slipped closed and the only sound it made was a soft swoosh of air. I wrapped my arm around her waist and walked over to the seating closest to the window.

✭ Raven ✭

“I wish it was that simple, these old ships don’t have the central core aspect. It’s much older than the tech Becca had too.” Half smiling. “But I worked it out. Patting myself on one shoulder.

“I needed to go to the mains on each of the decks. To swap things around. The first one took longer. But then the rest were easy when I was on a roll, and knew what I needed to do.”

I pulled the zip down on my jumpsuit to my waist continuing to walk over to the bench by the windows. Tying the arms around me to keep it in place before sitting down.

Relief made me sigh, and close my eyes. I really needed to take my weight off and sit. Shrugging my shoulder to ease the muscles. I pulled at my ponytail. Rubbing my lap because of the tension.

⊚ John ⊚

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “See here I am making all these promises not to be a controlling arsehole and there you go…” I sat next to her and instinctively reached out and rubbed her shoulders as she started to roll and stretch the muscles there. Like it was the most normal thing in the world to do. “… Making me wanna lock you up in a room with nothing but a bed in it.” I chuckled. My thumbs pressed into two matching knots at the base of her neck. “I know that you don’t need help, Rey… but maybe you should start asking for it anyway. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if other people could learn to do some of the things you do around here? Like Monty and Jasper… they’re already pretty good with the tech stuff… right?”

✭ Raven ✭

Pure relief is the only way I could describe the feeling when John began rubbing my shoulders. Sure, I had to laugh softly too.

“Damn Watcher, if you keep doing that.. I’ll let you tie me to that very bed.”

Dropping my head forward, relaxing my back and shoulders as I let out a soft hum. The sound caught me off guard, but I went with it. It was a natural response to the sensation.

“Uhmm… I know…” I added when I could control myself to speak. “However, Monty is working on a long-term solution to our situation onboard this ship. Even with us working on Cryo. Each day the new council doesn’t come to an agreement is a month's worth of supplies being used. So, I don’t want to take his energy away from that. And Jaz.”

My eyes were closed as I saw his face flash before me. “I don’t want to put any pressure on him before he’s ready.” Then I asked.

“Do you think it would help him to have a goal to work towards? Because I feel like that might break him?”

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed at her words and teased. “Kinky!” Because I wouldn’t let giving her this small amount of relief be anything other than a friend helping a friend. Anything else felt… like a violation… “The overachievers are always the wild ones.”

But that sound… I shifted a little bit… I was only human after all.

“If you think we need to… I can talk about reducing the rations with Abby… Right now, everything is personalised to each individual. But we could go to stricter rationing like the Ark?” I thought about what she was saying about Jasper… about everything that he’d gone through.

“I wasn’t ready to take care of you… but I did… Jasper made a choice. He chose to live. I think we should let him.” Then I smiled. “And make it interesting… Emori makes him smile and she’s pretty quick at learning the tech stuff too, for a grounder. I’m sure that she could be helpful.”

My fingers slipped up the back of her neck, pressing lightly on either side of the scar along her spine. I rubbed away the tightness, soft at first and then a little more pressure.

✭ Raven ✭

“No!” The word came out too loud for the quiet around us, and a little too quick too. “Please don't change anything yet.” I didn’t want that. “Have you seen the kids? And some of the adults too. They need some nourishment to survive what is to come. We will work out a way later. If we need to.” I would bloody starve myself before cutting the rations for another person.

“Uhmm…” The relief his hands gave was mind-boggling. I didn’t even know I had so much tension I was holding onto.

“Okay… okay.. both are good points. The two of them do seem to have a good friendship. And they help the other’s tendency to run away stop. So… maybe that’s what we need. Make them a team, and they can take some of the easy work off my shoulders?”

It would be worth it to see them both flourish. Until I remembered. “I’m not sure Emori is really a fan of me. We’ve kind of patched things up. But I still feel like she would float me if she could.” Not that I blame her for it.

My body tensed up when his fingers moved to the new placement. I was riddled with scars some still delicate to touch.

⊚ John ⊚

I stopped the neck rub I was giving her, my first reaction being fear that I had hurt her just with how quickly that word came out, but then I realised that she was talking about the rations. “Okay, okay… I won’t, but it is an option, and you know I would always make sure the kids have what they need.”

But I started rubbing again because I was starting to feel like the tight spots were loosening. “It is worth a try, and we can keep an eye on them… if it doesn’t work out we can try a different tactic.” I felt her tense and moved my thumbs to the soft spot behind her ears, right below the back of her skull and just pressed slow, soft circles against her skin. “Hey, it’s okay… you’re safe here. If something hurts all you need to do is say so… and it stops… okay?”

✭ Raven ✭

My eyes had dropped to the ground, opening and closing them depending on what sensation I felt by his touch.

I let out a low, deep sigh, my head lolling as I lost myself in the moment now that I knew the food wouldn’t be impacted.

My breathing hiccupped when John’s finger found that spot below my ear. Making me shift in my spot.

Clearing my throat, before speaking.

“This was meant to be about making you relax and stop thinking. And here you are… taking away my tensions. When did this role reversal take place?”

⊚ John ⊚

I laughed a little, she was getting better at not spiralling into problem-solving mode when something came up. I mean sure sometimes she’d run off to fix it right away… but not always. It was a part of who she was, and I knew it wouldn’t change, I wouldn’t want it to. But it was nice to know that once in a while she would put herself first.

I moved my hands back to her shoulders and gave her a little shake. “This actually is what relaxes me,” I said honestly. “Sitting around, watching the moon. Talking… seeing you rest for a minute. Not a lot of people ever trusted me enough to be close to me like this, so being able to ease a few of your aches and pains… I like it. I never had any… well… friends. Not real ones anyway… just people I survived with sometimes. You know?”

✭ Raven ✭

I couldn’t help it. One hand reached over my chest to rest over one of his on my shoulder. Squeezing it.

“They don’t see the parts of you that Emori, Luna, and even I do. If you let them in… which you kinda started to on the island…” My heart sank because I wanted to say home. “… Don’t close them out. It’s all I am saying.”

And I knew it was hard on him. I knew how it felt to be in a world full of people, and still feel alone.

“Well, I’m glad I could be your reason for relaxing. And you’re welcome to relax like this any time you want. My shoulders will always be willing to sacrifice themselves for your needs.”

Lifting my gaze to the glass windows before us. To see the moon, but smiling at the reflection of John and me there too.

⊚ John ⊚

I knew what she was saying was all good things… but… why did it make my eyes burn? I wasn’t hearing anything I didn’t like… fuck! This therapy thing was fucking me up…

Wait, no… that wasn’t fair. It was taking the fucked-up things I was normally able to keep inside and dragging them out into the open. Could someone please remind me why this was a good thing?

Maybe I should have gone with the drugs after all.

Then I felt her hand on mine, and I was sure the sting would turn into more. FUCK! I touched my forehead to her hand… partly to hide my face and partly because… I had no fucking idea. “Thanks, Stargazer.” I could feel the heat of my own breath coming back onto my cheek, the curve of her neck reflecting it back, but I was so… caught up in this… easy acceptance that she always gave me, to pick up what other implications this action might have.

Then because I was completely emotionally dense I joked. “Always so selfless, Raven.” It was both true and utterly sarcastic at this moment.

✭ Raven ✭

Watching him through the reflection of the glass my heart ached for the way he hid into my touch. I kept my mouth shut so as not to scare him away.

Stilling there with a small smile curling my lips at his sarcasm. I didn’t retort. This wasn’t the time.

Taking in a few slow breaths, I moved my hand to cup his cheek resting my head sideways over his.

Keeping my eyes forward so that he didn’t feel the need to hide. I wouldn’t embarrass him, or give him shit for being in his mind and thought. This is exactly why we were here after all.

⊚ John ⊚

I felt her hand on my cheek, and it was like my world cracked open, and all that possibility of a life with family and friends flooded in, in technicolour, filling the void. I wrapped one arm around her, it was a little awkward logistically, with me sort of next to her and sort of behind her… but felt like exactly the right thing to do at the moment.

I held onto her and appreciated the way she didn’t question my weird as fuck reaction. She didn’t make me feel like I needed to apologise for the sudden onset of inappropriate emotion…

But was it though? I mean yeah it was sudden but was it inappropriate? To be a little overwhelmed at the prospect… no, the fact that I had friends and family that picked me? That came back for me, risked harm for me. Eric fucking Jackson!!!!

“I mean it… Stargazer. Thanks for sticking with me.” Then I let her go and moved my hands back to her shoulders. “And for showing me all the best places to watch the moon.”

✭ Raven ✭

Only when he moved away did I do the same and sit up. Tapping his hands over my shoulders to let him know it was fine.

“You don’t need to thank me, Watcher. It’s what we do for our dysfunctional family. And don’t you forget it.”

Clearing my throat, half turning my head catching him in my peripheral vision.

“You can stop, John. I’m okay. You don’t really need to keep massaging my shoulders for me to show you, my hideouts.”

Whispering the last part as though it were a secret. When, in reality, it was anything but. The deck was open to everyone. It was just that people didn’t feel comfortable enough to go exploring the ship.

⊚ John ⊚

I smiled and left her be… Maybe I was getting a little too comfortable with the physical touch. “I know I don’t need to… the massage and the thank you… I think I say it because I don’t know how else to say that I’m grateful for you and everything you do.” Then I thought about those words. “And not just the things like keeping us all alive… flying in from outer space to rescue me like a certain half-robot princess we won’t name. But the friend stuff too… like making me laugh, instant forgiveness when I nearly kill you because I had a bad dream. Worrying about me… which shouldn’t be a good thing but… somehow is a really good thing. Staying close when I sleep… I never had that before. At least not after Dad…” I shrugged. She knew that story. It was her story; we were mirror images of each other.

✭ Raven ✭

Without thinking my hand reached out to his and squeezed hard enough to say. ‘I’ve got your back.’ While he spoke. Because this wasn’t the first time he said these things to me.

The location had changed. We were back in space and not on the island with our feet kicking water, with a bottle of wine in our hands. But the sentiment was the same.

Lowering my voice I arched one eyebrow. “If I’m the princess that came to save the world, are you saying you were the Emperor of the island?” Laughing a teasing laugh. “I’m going to miss her.” Those stories had become my safe space to become lost. But I had her in my mind, I could see myself asking ‘What would she do in this situation.’ And smiling.

“That’s what family does, John. We show up for the other when it’s needed, and however it’s needed. And you do the same for me too.” He didn’t need to finish his sentence. I knew how his life changed after his dad. It wasn’t that different than mine. I just had someone who had my back.

“Is it okay…” I stopped to think for once. Would my thoughts hurt or help?

I shook my head. “Never mind.”

⊚ John ⊚

“Emperor might be a bit of a stretch…” I chuckled. “How about, devilishly handsome head chef of the island?” I arched a brow. Then I smiled at her… Did she not know? “Miss her? Why would you miss her, Rey? We have the tablet we were reading from on the island.” I smiled, delighted to give her this news.

I tilted my head when she stopped herself speaking. “You don’t need to censor yourself around me, Raven. Plus, I just spilt all that mushy stuff. So, whatever you were going to say can’t be half as embarrassing.” I was joking. I wasn’t at all embarrassed to tell her this stuff, nothing I had told her ever made it any further than our conversation… unless the purpose of the conversation was about telling another person… whatever it was. She had never betrayed a confidence not even when she was mad at me.

✭ Raven ✭

My hazel eyes were on him now. “We have the tablet with all the stories on it? Here? On the ship? How? When? How?” I shook my head in dismay.

“When did you even have time?” When would this man stop shocking me? He was fighting for this life, while at the same time packing a tablet that couldn’t help him or anyone in any way?

Sobering up a little from the pleasant surprise he just gave me, I chewed on my lip. “I’m not censoring myself… it’s just…” giving up because this is what we did, we just said things out loud and hoped for the best.

“Is it okay for me to think… to wish… we’d been closer on the Ark. maybe if you had a friend like Finn. No matter how bad things were… you could have known you weren’t alone?”

What if I’d been thinking for a long while but never said it? “What if we had all been friends… how would things have changed for us?”

⊚ John ⊚

I smiled at her… “Yeah I actually meant to give it to you before now, but I was reading it to Dela when she was in the med bay. Then I put it back into your bag and totally forgot about it… but it didn’t take any time… Rey. Even after you cured yourself… The habit of keeping the things close that you cared about and that brought you peace… was a second nature. And it was easy, you weren’t exactly high maintenance.” I chuckled. “Since you cured yourself though…” I teased her. “Total diva!”

I was momentarily stunned by her words. She’d thought about this too? How differently it could have been… if... “Of course, it’s okay… at least, I hope it is. I’ve thought about it a few times. But I don’t think Finn had enough rations to keep us both alive.” I chuckled and wrapped an arm around her, I knew it hurt when she thought about him sometimes. He wasn’t just her boyfriend; he was her family and her best friend too. “I would have been different… very different. But I’m not alone anymore, so even when I do think about how different things might have been… that’s what I focus on.”

I pulled her back to lean into my side, my eyes on the moon as I resisted the urge to rest my cheek against her hair.

✭ Raven ✭

“Wait. I saw you reading to Dela! But it didn’t occur to me it was….” Shaking my head. “So, much is happening that I fear I’ve lost the plot.”

Letting John guide, me back half smiling as memories new and old. It hurt sure, but it also brought me to a place where I used to be happy. Lowering my voice to match the peace this place brought with it for me.

“I would have shared. Rations, a safe place to sleep, and to learn.” I told him the truth so easily. It wasn’t a secret I needed to keep.

“But.. yeah.. you’re right again. At least we have found this moment.” Thinking for a breath. “But I’d never want to change you. All your past is what makes you my Watcher.”

Falling silent contemplating the choices, we all had to make to come to this moment. Glad the moon in all its imperfections was here to stay with us.

#the100 #the100rp #au #stories #ravenreyes #johnmurphy #watcher #stargazer #itolduidsurvive #littlebirdrey #okto

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oktorpg · 1 day ago

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Partners in Crime – Book 3 – Chapter 5 - Storyline 10 – Together - Part 1

Continued from part 1. Click Here

•— John —•

“I’m a survivor!” I smirked. “I see a chance at a shield, and I’ll take it! Also... I expect everyone else to do the same thing even if it means I’m the one in the firing line when they call in their chips. And look… here you are, throwing in a bonus favour just because you can!” I chuckled. “You really are too good for me, Reyes.” Those words… They slipped out as a casual joke… but they cut as they came out. Because the truth of those words… it was sharp.

I rolled my eyes because, of course, she did. Or did she? There had to be something on this ship that he didn’t give her full access to… but probably not a physical part of the ship; that would be too obvious… something in the computers maybe? Records… what happened to the prisoners. Like she was reading my mind she started talking about the ship's logs.

“Score one for Griffin and common sense,” I muttered. “Remember Mount Weather?” I knew she did. “I was never there. And you weren’t there until after everything went to hell. But Jasper told me it was the same thing… they were told they had free reign right up until they started sucking out their bone marrow.” I tilted my head as the doors started to move… “Was there anything in the computers you couldn’t access? It’s possible they gave us full access because they didn’t think there was anything wrong with what they did?” I leaned in closer… these doors were louder than anything else on the ship so far. “Have you seen the cells yet?” I was talking about the level I wanted to avoid… but if she needed to see it to start asking the right questions… I would take her there.

“The people in Mount Weather knew their treatment was coming from other human beings… and most of them… Clearly believed that it was okay to kill them so they could stay alive.”

•— Raven —•

My feet were frozen on their spot, had I heard him correctly? Or was it my impression of what had occurred between us when he came to free me from the mind games of A.L.I.E?

I hadn’t asked to be saved, but I was grateful he had done so. Even if I’d fought him at the time. However, was this his way of saying I didn’t appreciate him or have his back? And then bringing up Mount Weather?

“Do you think I’ve brought you and all the others into a situation where your lives could be in grave danger?” My voice was low over the sounds of the opening doors.

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t had time to look at everything there is on this ship, physically or within the systems. I’ve been working as hard as I can… as fast as I can…”

Pointing to the space we were occupying.

“I know I joked about taking time out but even this is me trying to find answers.”

Fuck! Maybe I wasn’t giving it my all. First Griffin and now John? I was frowning now too.

“We’ve been using the screwed-up philosophy of shoot first, maybe ask questions later. I know we joke about everyone we meet wanting to kill us but think about it.. we always live and them… not so much…”

My arms dropped and I pushed my hands into my pockets.

“I killed two people on this ship… two crew members… and they still choose to help us… maybe I’m wrong, but shouldn’t we start having some faith in humanity?”

Did they all see me as some immature gullible person? Because it was beginning to feel like it.

•— John —•

“What… no… it was this or die… the bunker was no longer an option… even if it was… this is still preferable.” I scoffed. Even with Officer Shaw on board, this was far better than a hole in the ground. “If we weren’t here Raven… we would be ashes right now.” Then I looked her in her eyes and told her honestly.

“I just think that you are too fast to trust… And I know… four days here with him, trying to figure out how to get back and save everyone. It must have felt like weeks. But some questions need to be answered… and it's not about the cryo chambers.”

Did I want to mention the dog collars and the fact that not one prisoner survived, to her on her one day actually relaxing?

“I’m not saying that you aren’t working hard enough or fast enough Raven… in fact, you are doing that thing you do where you work so hard you forget to eat… sleep and probably even drink. What you are doing isn’t what’s in question.”

I nodded… hearing what she was saying and then my heart cracked…. She killed two people. “You… Rey… I didn’t… you never said anything…” The fact they were crew members wasn’t a shock; I had a feeling that all the prisoners were dead before the remaining crew were in the cryo pods. I knew what it was to carry that… but this was Raven… it likely was not a shoot-first scenario with her. What I had done was straight-up murder. Even if it was… it wouldn’t change how she felt. I reached out and touched her arm. I ached for her…. Her pain was so much more than just her leg and the trauma she carried that I knew about… the whole time she was bearing this. And I was blind to it. “This isn’t one of my ten questions… We don’t need to talk about it. But I hope you will… What happened, Stargazer? I’m here… I’m listening.”

The wide-open doors of the cargo hold loomed before us and only one stretch of hallway remained illuminated where we stood. But all I saw was her.

•— Raven —•

“You didn’t need to know…” I started. Shock, horror, and indecisiveness all washed their way over me.

Burning Hells! I said too much at that moment! In the vast clarity of me speaking my mind, I told John something I didn’t want to put on anyone else’s shoulders. Bellamy told me repeatedly. It wasn’t on me. Reminding me, words are easy when the guilt doesn’t weigh on your shoulders. This is why it still haunted my nightmares.

“We didn’t have time…” I continued. “We weren’t talking…” Which wasn’t a lie. “Things all... well they were happening so fast. I…” Shit! How was I going to get out of this? He did say we didn’t need to talk about it. So that was my out, right?

“It’s…” Kicking myself internally when his hand reached out. John’s ‘out’ came with the hope, that I would choose him. Choose to share something I did. But would this change the way he saw me?

My feet stopping me from moving forward into the dark hold, I brought my attention to him, to the way his eyes were searching for answers, I didn’t understand myself yet. I noticed how his baby blue eyes lost the sheen from the island. Showing me how my mind couldn’t hold onto its train of thinking for long. Finding myself baffled at my first thought when he caught my eye. Then I couldn’t help but miss those moments we shared. Full of comfort we found on late nights under the stars, speaking, sharing wine, crackers, and chocolate.

“I…” closing my eyes, because I didn’t want him to see the killer hiding in the dark pools within them. “I thought I knew what I was doing. I was so sure of myself.” Scoffing at the clear over-exaggeration of my own abilities. “I studied those instructions several times. It was so simple... at least it’s how I deciphered it.” Feeling my hands trembling within the pockets I hid them in. “I brought them back… the captain… and the first mate… Bellamy thought it was better for us to speak with them before we woke the others…” The terrible sensation of dread filling my chest made my voice shake too.

“I messed up… Brought them back too fast. Their body couldn’t keep up with the shock. They took a few breaths, opened their eyes…” That was it, my voice cracked with emotion. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, and as I relived the exact moment, they both took their last living breaths, play-by-play.

“I killed them… My hands… my actions… I killed them both.” Dropping my head as my hands came up to cover my face. Hiding the monster who took the life of others. “I see their eyes… Every night… I see them.” Tapering off with nothing more to share.

•— John —•

Just when I thought that my heart couldn’t shatter anymore she proved how much she’d healed it over the last few days. Because it disintegrated all over again… for her this time, for her pain, her guilt, and the suffering she went through while I was hundreds of miles away. I should have been there for her. If I had gotten my shit together before this; then maybe she would have confided this to me already and we could have talked about it.

“Oh, Stargazer.” I brushed away a tear. “I’m so sorry.” I saw the way her hands were shoved into her pockets, hiding how they shook when emotion overwhelmed her. “I do not doubt that you did everything and learned everything you could, Raven… but cryo… it wasn’t intended for use for those long periods. It was only theoretical that it could be used for that long…” I was spending too much time talking to Lizzy… and she had never told me this. That earned her a token of respect in my book. “This isn’t going to make you feel better Raven… but…” I took a breath. “There was no one left on earth to know that this ship was up here. If they were all still asleep when you got here then clearly there was a malfunction, and the ship couldn’t wake them up when they reached the final destination. So… everyone in those pods would have died when the ship ran out of fuel or was struck by debris or a million other things that can go wrong on a totally unmanned ship.”

The tears were flowing freely now… and the bunker sounded like a far better plan. It would have saved her this pain… this awful responsibility. She dropped her head into her hands and that was when I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled her in and held onto her. “I wish I could tell you it will all go away Raven… but I don’t know if it ever will… not completely. But you can’t give in, okay... you were trying to save them and save us all at the same time, you can’t carry that burden alone. You’ll find a way to keep the faces at bay… not forever, but there will be nights… certain things you can do or focus on. Hell, I’ll sit with you every single night if I have to.” I released her, tugging her hands from her face and tilting her gaze up to mine, cupping those tear-streaked cheeks in both hands.

“I know you won’t believe me if I tell you that you did nothing wrong… But I believe it, Rey. I believe you did everything you could to keep those people safe. And the fault is with whoever the fuck waged war and set off explosives on this heaven-forsaken boat. I believe it, Raven because I know you. And I would take all of this hurt away if I could.” I looked into those pained eyes, darkened with grief.

And I would, I would take it all into myself if I could and suffer for her… She didn’t deserve this… here she was, in the arms of an actual murderer sobbing for two people she tried to rescue. Two people that haunted her… at least I deserved my ghosts.

•— Raven —•

I don’t know where it all came from. It felt like I had a hold of myself, knowing when and where to allow myself to think about these faces, as well as all the others back on earth I’d failed. But with John pulling me into a hug I fell apart.

What in hells was happening? This was meant to be a way to keep John from falling into his darkness, however now he was consoling me.

My chest constricted, with my arms holding onto him for dear life. Even my late-night conversation with Miles hadn’t allowed me to freely express my emotions as they did with, John.

Of course, I heard everything John said, some part of me even understood. However, my emotional intelligence wouldn’t let go of the feeling in the pit of my soul. I had been the reason those men died, and that would always be on my conscience.

When we moved out a little and John’s hands cupped my face. Something like a bolt of reality came crashing down. Once again my friend didn’t back away from seeing that evil in me. As much as anyone wanted to believe in my innocence at this moment, I had a million reasons to despise myself and my actions.

His blue eyes were so hard to gauge, but I knew there was nothing but love, support, and affection in them for me. Rightly or wrongly, I knew that he was my guardian from my own heart.

I closed my eyes, my hands moved to rest over his with my chest full of dry heaves. The pulsing pains behind my eyeballs are evidence of the tension held inside of me.

“I wish my faith in me would become stronger… but…. Me… and this place…”

Another dry heave came out. I couldn’t talk. All I could do was squeeze those hands holding my face.

•— John —•

There were moments… too many moments… when I thought: Maybe. Maybe I could be everything she needs. Maybe I could be enough.

Moments like this. When she clung to me… when she let me hold her up when the world tried to pull her under.

But they always passed… because just enough… that was far less than she deserved.

Her eyes met mine and I refused to let that heartbreak show, only my faith and my belief in her. I pulled it all up to the surface. “I know… I don’t know if it ever will for either of us.” I felt her hands on mine. My heart straining behind my ribs. “But until we figure that out… we’ll have faith in each other… I’ll keep yours. And you keep mine. And hopefully, someday we will find our own again.” I shrugged, smiling the best smile I could muster. “Or not… Because I reckon we have a pretty great arrangement right now…” I brushed away her tears with a swipe of my thumb.

“Maybe it can be… enough… at least for a while.” Hell! That word was so inadequate.

“But you can’t lock up all this stuff, Stargazer… That’s how you end up on Jackson’s couch. Say it… scream it if you have to… or cry until you can’t anymore. But… come find me first?” It wasn’t supposed to sound like a question. “Because you can’t forget I’m holding onto your faith.”

•— Raven —•

My eyes couldn’t meet John’s, so when he attempted to make eye contact, I set my gaze on his nose and lips. Following the way, they moved with each word sending sound to my ears.

This was exactly what I didn’t want. Closing my eyes to stop myself from shedding any more tears, hiding myself from his sorrowful glance by resting my forehead on his shoulder. Emotions yawning and battling my own demons.

“It’s… It… It doesn’t feel that way to me… John… I… know how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life. Because it doesn’t matter what I say. You listen. You help. Even after I tried to blow you up… how many times?”

Fine, the last part was filled with several empty threats. But it counted at the time.

But I had to ask myself again. What had I been trying to achieve here?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be putting all this crap in your lap. Not right now. Not when…” He wasn’t even sleeping due to his nightmares. “There is nothing wrong with being with Jax. If it helps. We all should be there.”

Swallowing back the fresh tears because I didn’t want to tell him. There was no one left on earth now who knew we were here. Had I thought this plan through? When I fought them all to come up here, to make it our only chance to survive. Did I blindly bring my family, and all the others along, just to die up here slowly and over time?

“Griff and you were right… I needed to think about this decision… work out an exit plan… But no. Once again. I came up with a plan, without understanding the long-term impact. There are children, older people, and people who look at us as if we have the answers. And where are we?”

Lifting my head to look around the hold before us. “We don’t even know if we have enough fuel to keep this ship in place for the time we need to make sure we can return to Earth.”

My eyes still did not meet his. “You place a little too much faith in me, John. I have nothing to do but disappoint everyone by failing them.” Well… Hells! That was a lot of truth vomiting out of my mouth, for someone who thought it best to keep all that crap locked up inside.

Then something occurred to me, what John said… it was niggling.

“You know… this place… It was the crew who were in cryo alive...” Why hadn’t I questioned this or even said it out loud?

“Miles told us there was an issue onboard the ship, that all the living souls had to be placed into the pods before it was planned. That…” That’s all I knew; I hadn’t listened past it. Because I was too busy thinking about finding a way back to get the others and to see if this ship could keep us safe until we had a better plan.

This is how I understood my part in this. My hands were covered in blood, how much more was still to come?

•— John —•

I moved my arm around her when she rested against my shoulder. I knew that move… it was one I used often; something you did when you didn’t want to be seen. And I let her, I rested my other hand on the back of her head, fanning my fingers through her ponytail.

There were a lot of things I couldn’t be for this woman, but I could be a safe place, a place to hide until the moment passed, a soft place to land when the world crashed down. A Shoulder… a friend.

“I know, I’ve been on the receiving end of words just like those,” I said quietly. “I know that hearing them doesn’t change how you feel, there’s no way to know if they will ever change. But knowing you had faith in me anyway… that changed a lot… it meant… everything. And you have all my faith, Stargazer.” I kissed her hair and smiled a tiny smile that she couldn’t see. “Even when you threaten to blow me up.”

I held her a little tighter when she said she shouldn’t be telling me things like this. “I don’t want you to think that, Rey. I don’t want anyone walking on eggshells around me, not the people I care about.” I paused. “Not anyone. I don’t want any of you to think you can’t lean on me… because I need to lean on you. And treating me differently just because I’m… whatever I am.” I avoided the word crazy; she didn’t like it. But I needed her to treat me the way she always did. I just got her back… I wanted her, not a censored version of her. “It would make me feel like more of a burden than I already am.”

“Raven, this was the only plan… the bunker was still closed. The death wave hadn’t even hit yet, and people were dying of radiation sickness. There was no way that door was opening before we were all dead. There wasn’t any other plan. It was the same with the space stations… they were made to sustain life for generations. When the world ends; you do what you have to do to survive. And because of you, we survived. Those kids survived. We just need to ask the right questions now that we are here.”

And I had plenty of questions… like how was it that not a single prisoner survived? What happened to the crew that didn’t make it to Cryo? What the hell happened on the prison deck? And who set off the bombs that damaged the ship enough that a twenty-five-year trip took them a century instead?

•— Raven —•

“You… John Murphy… are not a burden… not on me… not on anyone. We couldn’t have done it without you on the island. I couldn’t have! Abby needed to work... Jax too. You were the only person and Luna.. putting up with me and keeping me alive. You kept all of us fed. You helped me whenever I needed someone… That is not a person who is a burden.”

I hated that he felt this way once, and I regret my choice of words. Even if they came from a place of love and care for my friend. It clearly backfired.

I kept still, it had been so long since someone consoled me, or held me and made me feel…. I stopped myself from contemplating what was going on with my mind.

Tightening my eyes closed, I could see all those faces. The ones who didn’t come with us, the ones who chose to stay rather than trusting us to keep them safe.

“We didn’t even try. Maybe if Jaha saw all of us at the door of the bunker, maybe he would have opened the doors.” That’s when I heard the sardonic laugh from myself. “Okay. Maybe I’m putting a little too much faith in his humanity. But.. you gotta have faith, right?”

There was one man. “I don’t think ill of many. However, the next time I come face-to-face with him. I’m going to blow him up!”

Finally lifting my head to set my hazel eyes up to see him. “You know Miles is happy to answer questions about the ship, he and the others have been open with us. I… well… I’ve not really asked. I’m sure the others know, right?”

Frowning at myself, the numbers onboard this ship flashed before my eyes. 300 inmates, 25 guards and 12 crew…

•— John —•

I couldn’t tell her that yes… on the island… for the first… the only time in my life I was… useful, worthwhile… Keeping Raven alive was the first time in my life I had contributed to our cause. But now? Now, I was back to where I started. Only I had Raven now, and Luna and Emori. I had thought that Abby would use me in the med bay… I wasn't like Clark or Lizzy, but I could look after patients, monitor vitals… clean vomit… but once the place emptied… she shipped me out.

I smiled though because I knew that she would never think that and that it was… mostly…in my head. But there were a lot of people who would agree that I was non-essential.

“Raven… they were trying to open that door for days. And let's say we used the ship, threatened them or something and they opened the door… the Death Wave was too close. The transport ship has massive loading doors. The bunker was a single-person hatch. There’s no way everyone would have gotten inside. And who knows how many would have been trampled trying. That’s on Jaha… not you. And the next time we see him… I’ll bloody hold him down while you light that boomstick.”

I was still holding her, and my racing heart wouldn’t let me forget it. “There was no time for the questions before… we just needed to live, we needed as many humans as possible to live that we could, you have saved so many, Stargazer. And not just people. Cultures, traditions… customs… a whole new language that would have been lost. You saved tribes, funeral rites… religions, folklore, legends, songs and histories that no one ever wrote down. Every day all of those things still exist because there are people left to remember them… is a win.” My arms tightened around her. My cheek against her hair and the scent of her… it was unmistakable.

“And we will make it to the ground again Raven. Because I promised you another night under the stars.” I whispered into her ear. “And I expect you to do everything in your power to help me keep that promise and every faith that you can do it.”

•— Raven —•

I knew I shouldn’t, but that comment about holding Jaha down while I blew him up, it made me sob and laugh.

“Okay…” Holding onto my friend, my hands fisted the fabric on his back just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“That’s a deal.” My heart still hurt; I knew everything John said to be true. But hells, I still feel as though I let the side down somewhat. “I knew we were friends for a reason.”

My lacklustre attitude toward what we were told, was part of the issue, wasn’t it? Being so trusting?

“I know… I know… however, we should have started to ask questions, right? In the days after?”

I couldn’t see his face, but he held me making me feel safe. What I wanted more than anything, was to make him feel comfortable and not alone.

“When they started fighting over Luna, or who was onboard. We should have asked, what happened here. To make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

This time I close my eyes, listening to the reminder of a promise once made between two friends. Even though it felt like centuries ago, it wasn’t.

“I don’t know how long it’s gonna take me to help you keep that promise but make sure. Make sure you don’t break it this time, Watcher.”

Pulling back enough to set my eyes on his.

•— John —•

I chuckled softly; the darkness of the moment lightened a little. She gripped the back of my jumpsuit, tightening it across my chest… It was fitting better than it had when I first came on board. We had all gained weight on the island while experimenting in the kitchen. But being stuck in those suits took its toll on us. And slowly people were gaining it all back on a decent set of rations. But if we didn’t put people in cryo soon we would need to half those.

“Everything was insane… but now with a routine kicking in and the RAS patients discharged from medical… I think it is time to start asking the hard questions.” I couldn’t deny the feeling of having her pressed this tightly against me for so long… but it was strange… it wasn’t desire that I felt. It was…

Safety.

It was pride that she saw me as a person that she could lean on, literally and figuratively.

It was dangerous… so dangerous. I could easily imagine this becoming my life… with her. Hopefully with less crying. But… crying was okay… it would be nice to have the scales tipped in favour of happiness. That's what you did with people you loved right? Let them see when you are vulnerable? I would never tell her not to cry. I knew she loved me… but in her own unique way.

Like she read my struggle and wanted to challenge my resolve… she moved and looked up at me. All I could see were the tears on her cheeks, the faded gold in her eyes… and the way her lips moved to make sounds… words… she was saying words. I licked my lips… thinking about…

No… I can’t go there.

I smiled. Because either way… she was here. With me. Right now, Raven Reyes was all mine. “Good… because I have no idea how to get us back down there when the time comes… but I promise to be your biggest cheerleader when it does. Then you can leave the rest to me.” I grinned thinking of my stashed bottle of wine.

I still wasn’t letting her go… something I had heard her say before… to never be the first person to let go of a hug, because you have no idea how badly the other person needed it… and I remembered that feeling she was having right now.

While I knew those deaths weren’t her fault, she believed that she had taken lives. Would a hug have stopped me from going off the deep end after Charlotte? Would it have been different if someone held onto me until I couldn’t stand to be held anymore? Would I have been different? Would I be someone this woman would choose?

•— Raven —•

“So…” moving closer to rest my chin on his shoulder, I closed my eyes. “Where do we go from here?” Letting the question sit in the space around us.

Because for once, I didn’t know what steps we should be taking to learn about the history of this ship. Of course, sure... I knew I could go read all the logs I had access to. But… if I had access to them… didn’t that just mean there was nothing in there to find?

That voice came knocking again. ‘If you still had the code in your brain, this could have been a snap of your fingers to find.’ But I pushed it back, tightening my eyes closed. I could do this. Without the thing in my head trying to kill me!

“We’ll work on it together…” whispering it to him. “When the time comes. We will do it together this time. I’m not going to leave you behind.” A flash of seeing John, Luna, and Jasper in those suits played like a 4D image.

It couldn’t have been possible, but I was still holding onto John. Hugging him tight, without letting go. So, I did just that. I left my findings slowly open to let the fabric of his jumpsuit go first, then I pushed my head up, and then my arms dropped from around him.

“I’m sorry…” shaking my head. “I didn’t mean to hold on for that long.”

•— John —•

She shifted her face, and it was only then I felt the dampness from the tears that I hoped had stopped flowing for now. “Big picture… I’ll go wherever you go, Stargazer. I think we do better together.” I admitted… and my heart raced at the meaning she could take from it. I knew I felt better when I was with her, and I hoped she felt better with me. And then she said it too and I thought that my heart might explode… not the same thing… but wasn’t it? In her own way. Telling me she wouldn’t leave me behind? “I know,” I told her softer than ever because I believed her with every fibre of my being, and it wasn’t just because I knew she never lied.

“Right now…” I tilted my head and looked toward the doors; her hair brushed against my cheek. “I think we should go through these giant arse, creepy as fuck doors…” I gave a little chuckle. I pulled back a little to see her face after she dropped her arms. I shook my head with a little smile. “Raven… you literally sat with me for hours… after I almost stabbed you… just so I could sleep without needing to hold onto a weapon. You can hold onto me for as long as you want… anytime you want.”

My gaze was definitely lingering on her mouth, and I needed to stop. I was thinking far too many things I shouldn’t, like how soft her lips would be if I brushed my fingertips against them. But this was so not the time to think like that, she had just confided in me something that she believed made her a killer… no one else would believe it of her. But all that mattered was that she felt that way… So… not the right time to think about her lips, Murphy!!!

I glanced back down the hall we had walked through. The dark was only about twenty paces away, and the section we were standing in, remained lit: the ship detecting our presence somehow.

“And you made me forget that the darkness was closing in.” Saying it drew my attention to how rapidly my heart rate had slowed once again. Being this close to Raven Reyes… I smiled… It was a fucking rollercoaster.

•— Raven —•

There was a smile on my teary face now. “Of course, we do better together. We’re partners in crime, John. It’s not as good when you get one without the other.” Thinking for a second before continuing.

“It’s like seeing Monty without Jasper. Anyway. Your beauty would be wasted without my brains. And we all know your pretty face can get us all into big trouble.”

I was attempting to tease him now. I needed to take our minds away from the places they were in.

“Thank you. You may not see how much you saying that means to me.” Leaning up on my toes I kissed John’s cheek.

I knew he was trying to do the same for me, as I had been for him. “Don’t worry, Watcher. I’ll keep the lights on for you. The darkness won’t ever catch you.” Stepping back away from him, with my hazel eyes trained on him.

“Okay.” Nodding my head once, telling him I was ready to do this, I pushed in the master code to open the large doors before us. With a groan and creek. The sound echoed in this ship, ripping through the silence and the darkness behind the two of us. “We are so Ready to face our demons together.” Holding my hand out to him, palm up to see if he takes it.

“We do this as one.”

Hells… I was so lucky. This was my second chance to keep our friendship alive. And I won’t mess with it.

•— John —•

I smiled, the darkness was fading from inside of us both. I knew it wasn’t gone forever; it probably never would be. But that was okay as long as we had each other; to shine a light into the darkness day by day… we would be okay. “Yeah, Yeah and your brains would be wasted without my quick thinking and knack for mischief.” I tapped my nose and winked.

I nodded to her. She knew that I meant it, anytime she needed me all she had to do was call out for me or find me and I would drop everything for her. I knew what she was doing, and a traitorous part of my mind told me to tilt my chin towards her and her lips would brush mine and not just my cheek… but now I stiffened to keep myself from indulging the impulse. If we were ever going to share a kiss like that it would be freely given. Not stolen by a cheap tactic… not even if that cheap tactic was likely the only way I would ever feel her mouth on mine when I wasn’t forcing air into her lungs.

The giant doorway was dark for a moment as the door gaped wide then with more of those loud, ominous clunks, lights began to flicker to life. I was reaching for her hand at the same time that she held hers out for me to take hers. She wouldn’t have pulled away had I taken her hand when it was hanging by her side… I knew that much… but when Raven Reyes reached out for you… that was a special feeling, every time it was like a sacred moment. Whether it was to help you up when you had fallen low… or to pull you free of a spiral that would lead you astray or times like this… for comfort, for closeness… it was an indescribable feeling.

I took her hand and smiled. “Let's go find an adventure, Stargazer.”

•— Raven —•

As the doors opened the first thing to hit my senses had been the smell. This section of the ship like the others had been closed for one a hundred years, but unlike the rest of the ship, the air down here was much more musty.

Covering my mouth, I coughed as dry dust coated my nose and throat which had me breathing in through my mouth, trying to save my nose from the barrage of smells hitting me all at once.

“Hells… someone needs to look at the ventilation down here.” Of course, that someone was me.

I squeezed John’s hand, a silent acknowledgement that we were doing this together.

As the lights flickered to life, some coming on and others clearly had given up over time, I stood there watching with wide eyes as the rows and rows of tall cladding became visible.

“So….” I said when I saw the lights had stopped and no others were going to come on. “Remind me again. Why didn’t we just stay up top with everyone?”

My heart was racing, I’d be lying if I said it was just excitement and adrenaline. There was a mix of fear amongst all my feelings too. I took a step into the room, then another and another. Reminding myself that we were not alone, we could get this side of the ship covered and identified in no time at all.

•— John —•

I lifted my free hand to my nose and mouth and grunted at the smell coming from the cargo bay. “Damn! Smells like the Mech Station storage room.” They kept the oxygen low in the rooms they stored parts in to keep them from rusting, or to at least slow it down. Then she had me laughing and sucking in a lung full of the musty air. I coughed once and smiled. “Isn’t that someone you?” I asked… but we both knew the answer was yes.

“Because we are brave explorers.” I rolled my shoulders like I was limbering up for a fight, still holding onto her hand. “C’mon Stargazer… where’s your sense of adventure?” I said… even as I gulped and stepped tentatively into the huge space. They were rows of corridors, with thick walls… No not walls… I approached one.

“Are these…” I knocked on the steel. It echoed hollowly. “Containers?” I was gobsmacked. “They are bigger than the living quarters on the Ark!” I craned my head up… they were stacked three high, and each one seemed to be numbered. “Are there any records of what is stored here, maybe these numbers can tell us what’s inside?” I circled one until we came to what looked like an opening. It was painted with three symbols, fire, a skull and crossbones, and the Trikru sigil… which was, of course, the biohazard symbol.

“We shouldn’t let the grounder see this… not without explaining it first at least. You saw the way they reacted to the Infinity logo from Becca’s company.”

•— Raven —•

“Always the Wisearse, it’s a good thing I don’t want you any other way.”

My eyes adjusted to the lighting in the hold, following John’s lead with my feet but letting my eyes wander further away until I couldn’t really see.

“Hmm?” Turning my head to gaze at the simple symbols, John had pointed out. My eyebrows pulled together.

“Yeah, you have a point. Even if we know what most of these mean, trying to share our information with the clans needs to be in a gentle manner.”

We’d come across these and other symbols on the ground. Inside Finn’s hideaway, at Mount Pleasant, when the guns were found.. the list went on. But the explanation of them with the clans had been… well testy was an understatement.

“They look to be holding something in them.” My knuckles knocked against the wall of the one beside us. Then I stepped back to glance up. “Do you think we can get into it?”

Looking around the area for a moment. “There has to be a database with information. The question is do I need to go to the bridge, or is there an access point here in the room.” There had to be one here.

I let go of John's hand and moved around the containers again with a new mission in mind.

•— John —•

I laughed, I wondered what the original crew would have done if it wasn’t for Raven… they all seemed to have very specific fields and then no abilities outside of that. Okay, that was probably an exaggeration… but also… I had yet to see evidence to the contrary. Officer Shaw seemed to be the jock equivalent to Raven… an overachiever… only he had an attitude about it. Raven was confident, sure… but it suited her… she wasn’t arrogant.

I nodded. “These symbols started to mean something a lot different to them over the hundred years since the bombs dropped. I don’t think it’s our place to tell them they don’t mean what they believe.”

My eyes widened when she said she wanted to find a way inside. “Inside?” I repeated. “Oh sure! Let’s open up the giant box of certain death! Sounds like a party!” I rolled my eyes, but I knew that Raven was completely serious about it. “I mean it worked out so well in that story about the panther with the box that they weren’t meant to open and all the evil in a world escaped or whatev…” I tilted my head… “Wait… was it a panther… or was it a girl? Panther’s box? A girl named Panther? Who the fuck cares… either way… they opened the box and bad shit happened. So, let’s just… you know, not.”

I followed her when she started to walk around, her pain almost forgotten now as she tended to, when she was onto something. I looked in the opposite direction she was because I knew she wouldn’t stop until she found something. I might as well try and half the length of time she would be running around this maze. I flexed my hand until I realised I was missing the feeling of hers in mine… I stuffed it in my pocket as if signs that I missed holding her hand would be etched into the skin and she might see.

Then I let out an audible sigh. Inset in the wall, two units down the row; there was a rack holding the most intense-looking hazmat suits I had ever seen and a workstation that looked to be booting up. “Fuck me sideways.” I huffed. Then called out to Raven. “I think I found what you are looking for… and I’m really starting to wish I hadn’t!”

•— Raven —•

Okay. Fine. I was the kind of person who had a one-track mind at times. So, I may not be listening to the best of my abilities, but his response to my comments made me smirk.

“A panther? Box? Evil? What in hells are you talking about, Watcher?” Shaking my head “How would a panther open a box? They don’t have thumbs.” I would have rolled my eyes but then it occurred to me.

“Wait… do you mean Pandora? Pandora’s box?” It had to be.

“I should be grateful you paid enough attention in class to at least know the mythological story. Or a part of it anyway.”

I stopped in my tracks turning back in the direction I heard his voice.

“What do you mean?”

Starting back towards John, pushing myself to pick up a little speed. When I came to a stop right behind him I clapped and nudged John with my shoulder. “Well… well… look who found a toy for me to play with!”

Moving past him towards the workstation, rubbing my hands together seeing that it was in the process of booting up. There were a couple of stools before them, and I happily took one of them to sit myself down.

Turned my head back to where John stood, only now noticing the discomfort in his face.

“Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

•— John —•

They don’t have thumbs…

I couldn’t pinpoint why but this phrase had me in fits of laughter…. Not just because she had a point, which she did… but it was a story… like the movies, they showed as a treat in the run-up to Unity day… some of them had talking animals… so was a panther opening a box really that strange? No… what was strange was how much thought I was giving this. “Pandora?” I wrinkled up my nose gathering some control over my laughter. “No wonder humans destroyed Earth with parents naming their kids things like Pandora. Panther is badass at least.”

“Actually, my Mom told me that story.” That last part came out without any conscious thought or intention… Shit! I didn’t mean to bring her up right now.

She was beelining for that workstation… I was looking between the part of the storage unit that looked like an opening,… not exactly a door… it was like the whole short end opened out; meaning it was long and narrow inside, then my gaze went back to the suits that were nothing like the radiation suits we had worn, but not quite an EVA suit either. I raised my brows at her question. “Not yet but I have a feeling you and I are gonna end up haunting the shit out of this ship in the next few minutes.” I stood next to her ignoring the other stool for now. I propped my elbows on the worktop. “You really want to go inside?”

•— Raven —•

“Of that whole story, the name is the part you have an issue with John? Really?” My attention was drawn to him and the sound of his laughter.

“Hells…” muttering to myself. How long had passed since I heard him laugh so openly, and freely?

All of a sudden, my focus shifted from the workstation and the cargo to my friend and his blue eyes.

He didn’t bring his mom up normally, or talk about things they did before….

“What else did she tell you? I mean what other stories.” My hand rubbed my thighs without thought. “No… I don’t want us to die. Would you stop holding on to my first comment?” Rolling my eyes up at him.

He stood next to me, looking down and around. Clocking the suits he seemed fixated on.

“Don’t worry Watcher. I wouldn’t make you go in if something is interesting in there.”

After hearing him laugh and start to get our ruthless rhythm bad again. I’d make sure not to endanger him or any of my friends again.

•— John —•

I grinned… “Oh no… not just that. The entire story is a shit show of creepiness… I mean what kind of sadist gives someone a box and says ‘By the way this contains all the evil in the universe… so don’t open it’…” I wagged my finger like a scolding parent. “It’s twisted.”

She was suddenly not interested in the screen anymore, her eyes were honey-coloured again and fixed on me… she wanted to know the stories Mom used to tell me? I remembered all the stories Raven had told me… about the stars… where the constellations had come from (not really… but it was stories… not science)

I tried to accept the whole we won’t die today thing… because it was Raven and if she wanted to kill me she would have something grander in store. I smiled at the thought. Obviously, she wouldn’t… but she would definitely threaten it… with that sexy little shoulder wiggle, she does… STOP!

“Um…” I refocused. “She told me one about a boy who fell in love with a Princess from a land where no one grows old… and he followed her there. They were happy there for years… decades. But he starts to miss home, so the Princess gives him a horse and lets him go home… because she loves him too much to keep him if he is sad. She told him to never get off the horse because if he did he would age quickly. After all, he was on mortal land again. But he gets off the horse when he learns his Father died years before… and he… dies… not right away. He tells people about the land of youth and then… learns of his father’s heroic deeds… and then dies. All alone… No family left, away from the place that became his home, the woman he loved… who loved him… they were both just… alone.”

I laughed then… “She was kinda dark.” I shook my head. I never remembered her stories as tragic… but hell!! “Or maybe I’m remembering it wrong. I think I was ten the last time she told me a story.”

•— Raven —•

“You’re telling me. Also, who gives evil as a gift too?” I motion to shoot myself in the head.

Tilting my head to the side, my eyebrows pulled together in concentration as I followed the broken story.

Some part of me watching it playing out in my mind. Seeing the two in love. The princess and the boy, find one another from different worlds and still find something that makes them fall in love. Filling the devastation. In the princess's heart to know she wasn’t enough for her love, that he wasn’t happy with her and the home they made together.

A thick lump grew in my throat as I imagined her waiting for his return. And he never came. Leaving her alone and wondering what happened to him….

Clearing my throat because John’s laughter pulled me out of those thoughts.

“I haven’t heard of that one before. I don’t think.” I wasn’t trying too hard to recall the bedtime stories from my childhood. Because they stopped the day I lost my dad.

“Hmm.. yeah. That was a little dark. But a good lesson.”

•— John —•

I hadn’t ever thought of the evil box story like that… “I always assumed she was being punished or cursed when they gave her the box.” I tilted my head and wondered about all the ways stories unfolded differently from person to person.

I could see it again; the story opening up in her mind… becoming her vision of the words. I wanted to know what lessons she saw in it… because mine? Well… I never had any… not until right now. Not until I heard it again. I heard Jackson’s voice in my head, urging me to give up a little of myself to help build closeness. I did that with Raven long before he’d spoken these words to me… but not about love… not the kind of love the boy and the Princess shared. But now… with these fictional characters to put front and centre…

Maybe…

I looked down at my feet for a moment and then up again. “Yeah… I guess… When you find the person you love… and they love you too. Home is where ever you can be together. Maybe even if they don’t…” I trailed off before saying love you back. Because just loving someone in secret… well… it was better than never loving anyone. Right?

•— Raven —•

“Maybe…” reiterating John‘s last sentence. “Even if they don’t love you back.” Half laughing now softly at how close to my truth this story had come.

“It’s like following the boy you love to a planet which was meant to be dead. And then... Finding him… In love with someone else?”

And still, no part of me was bitter about it. Maybe at first, I had been. But it didn’t last long, because I came to terms with the truth… no one could love me and live.

Shaking those feelings and thoughts away. I turned my attention back to the screen booting up before me. The monitor was so old, the keyboard had been overused, and some of the keys faded.

My hand rubbed my thighs as I sat there. “I know it’s a scary place to be.” I finally figured I should tell him. “But I was only joking about going into the big cargo box things, blind, I’ve learnt my lesson since we went searching for answers on Becca’s island.”

•— John —•

No matter how my feelings for Raven had grown and changed, listening to her talk about Finn, cry for him… miss him. It never stung; it never made my stomach ache like it did when I saw her with Shaw. She had chosen to leave Finn… even if she never stopped loving him. She had decided she deserved better than he could offer.

“I don’t think that was love, Raven. At least, not any kind of love I would want someone to feel for me… I know he believed it was. But I don’t think love is meant to destroy things… and that… whatever it was… it destroyed Finn and Clarke.” It was true… Clarke hadn’t been the same since, even if she’d survived it. Finn’s obsession had killed him. Is that how I love her? Was it destructive? Would the way I love her wreck her? “But I don’t think he ever stopped loving you… maybe something in him broke when he thought he lost you on the Ark… I know how that feels.” The last part came out too fast… too easily. And that was what I got for letting my guard down.

I laughed at what she said. “Oh hell!!! Did I just become the boring one? Needing to know all the details and plan everything in advance?” I hoped that my outburst would distract her from my slip.

•— Raven —•

I couldn’t agree or disagree with what John had stated. Because only those who were in that relationship knew trust.

‘But I don’t think he ever stopped loving you… maybe something in him broke when he thought he lost you on the Ark… I know how that feels.’

Had I loved Finn? Yes. With all my heart. As far back as my first memory. Finn was there. The boy next door. The boy who had taken care of me when no one else saw I was hurting. Had he loved me? At one time, yes. But then…

What he and Clarke made. I wasn’t privileged to that information. And Clarke wasn’t the sharing kind.

My mind came back to:

‘ … I know how that feels.’

John knew how it felt? Who had he left behind on the Ark? He’d never shared that with me. But the swift change in subject told me, he didn’t mean for me to hear him. He wanted to keep this secret to himself, and I wasn’t going to drag the truth out of his heart. “Yup! You are officially known as the boring one. Boring McBoredFace.”

Waggling my eyebrows at him as I bit my lip.

“Who is going to believe me when I tell them how mature you have become? They are going to lock me up and throw away the key! Because there is no explanation as to why or how it even happened!”

Was that enough to put him at ease?

•— John —•

She didn’t say anything else about Finn, but because I knew she would talk about him when she felt the need… or he was on her mind for whatever reason… I didn’t push. I hoped she would talk to me about it anytime she felt the need or even the want to. I mean, they had good times too, right? It wasn’t all cheating and surviving.

“Really?” My brows went so high my eyes might have bugged. “That’s what you’re going with…” I laughed. “I prefer to go by Survivor FitzHardToKill if you don’t mind!”

I pulled up another of the rickety stools. “Come on then…. Let's hear it… what’s in these creepy arse boxes, Reyes? Besides the ghost of my inner child, and three hundred inmates!” I teased her about her maturity comment.

•— Raven —•

“Hey…” nudging his shoulder when he came to sit next to me. “I was a little chuffed at the nickname, thank you very much.”

Pretending to sulk at how unimpressed he seemed to be. “I know I haven’t lost my touch. So, it is definitely you who has lost his funny bone.” Laughing as I turned my attention to the flickering screen waiting for a command to open the world of information this little baby was holding.

“Well, as you are so curious, the least I can do is help you find yourself.” Typing the search code for us to bring up a list of all the folders. “Interesting.” Muttering as I moved down the page with the tab key.

“Looks like the numbers of these files correspond with the numbers on the containers.” Gazing back over my shoulder.

•— John —•

I laughed… she was far too much fun for someone sitting about ten feet from a giant box of hazardous materials. I nodded… “Damn… I guess you must be rubbing off on me, overachiever!” I watched her concentration face as she typed in commands I couldn’t begin to understand.

I looked over my shoulder and read her the number on the container, when she said the list had the numbers of each box… “I don’t think that we could ever search all of these… if they kept supplies here surely some of them would be empty, right?”

Then I was thinking out loud… “If they have mining equipment on board it could probably help us when we get to the ground, right? Like clearing ground for crops… building and stuff like that? I mean it's not very likely there will be a lot of buildings left after Praimfaya.”

•— Raven —•

My eyebrows pulled together, a tinge of that frustration attempting to show its face again. The slowness I could feel in me when collating the data. But I pushed it back quickly. Reminding myself. That code was killing me. And I was alive to help these people. Dead Raven helped no one.

“Uhmm…” nodding my head slowly. “You’re right, and yes they have equipment.” Pointing my hand to the far side of the hold. “It’s packed away from over there if things were replaced in the correct positions. Which let’s face it, to run a ship like this, they would have to be.”

I kept tapping down the list. “And some are empty. Where supplies have been used. There are damaged goods too.” I could see them labelled on the lists. “Looks like they didn’t leave anything behind when they were mining. Which is a good thing.”

But it was the container with the hazardous warnings I wanted to find. Not that I would tell him. But John was right. We needed to know if there was a chance these things could harm people or the ship.

•— John —•

There it was; that irritation… the mild resentment at the loss of the things that the Bitch in the Red Dress had given her… claiming her life as the cost. But Raven chose her life. She chose what she called her dysfunctional family, and the memory of that hit me, warming my chest because in a way… she’d chosen me too. It was a small way… but I was part of that family she held together with her loyalty and dedication. I put my hand on her knee and whispered. “You chose us… don’t forget that.”

I watched her and not the information that was scrolling on the screen. But I heard everything she said… When she mentioned damaged equipment I fixed my gaze on hers. “Don’t even think about it,” I told her. “I know that you will want to get to it all later… but you already have so much to do with the ship alone Rey… you can’t take all that on too. And the grounders on board have plenty of building skills for when we get back to the ground… anything in this room can wait.”

I knew she was still looking for the container that piqued our interest close to the entry, but I didn’t want her adding broken equipment to the long list I knew she had in her head.

•— Raven —•

My lips parted and then closed a few times. Of course, he had read it in my face, was I that transparent? Or had my friend learnt to read me like a mirror? I wasn’t going to deny what I had allowed myself to think and feel for a fleeting moment. Because that would be disrespectful to his intelligence, and a lie. Which I wasn’t willing to accept in our friendship. We’d suffered from lying in the past. We weren’t going back there again.

Then I felt him staring at me like I would do something stupid if he took his eyes off me for a second. Which of course his next reaction sealed the deal.

“Hells, watcher! Would you stop looking at me like that? And stop trying to read my mind. I wasn’t…. Going to do it now… maybe in a few days… or once everyone was in cryo.” The last word goes up an octave to make it sound like a question. Which we both knew I had the right answer to.

“Those of us still awake will need something to keep our time going. I’m just…” Daring to look at him from the side of my eyes. “Making myself a little list of tasks. That’s all.”

Not a lie… it was what I would do. I think. Maybe.

My glance moved back to the screen, and I stopped my finger from hitting the button below it. The numbers flashing before me were the once’s we were looking for.

•— John —•

I nodded, feeling more relieved than I probably had a right to be. “Hey, if you wanna revisit it all after everyone is asleep I’m all for it… but you have more than enough on your plate right now… and don’t think I don’t know you stay up nights working on those parts you have in your room.” Maybe I would find a way to stay with her tonight… at least until she fell asleep. I wonder if there was more of that ice cream stuff that seemed to get us a little high and then completely crash.

Thinking about what I would do when everyone was in cryo was stressful. I knew there was no way to argue that I was essential personnel. I know Raven had promised to do everything in her power…

Maybe I could talk to Jackson about it too… I was just starting to have a life that was about more than staying alive… Surely that was a good reason not to press pause for five years and lose the common ground I had built with all of these people? Right?

I glanced back at the container and then at the screen, leaning in a little… this screen was weird. It wasn’t like the tablets or screens used on the Ark. It kinda looked like glass. “Isn’t that the one we’re looking for?” There was more data beneath it that seemed like it was in a different language.

“So… do we know what the mystery surprise is? Is the skin about to melt off our bones?” I shuddered…. Shit!!! Was it? I mean we’d seen that happen! I scanned what little skin Raven had on show… She looked fine.

•— Raven —•

“I swear, John Murphy. I don’t know why I promise never to hit you again. Because sometimes when you talk, I want to smack you upside the head.” Giving him a side eye, with a playful smile.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll think you actually like me, and it isn’t an act to get some more of that ice cream block.” I knew he was worried about me overdoing it. And he was bringing up some good points. None of which I would voice. There was nothing worse than a big-headed John Murphy.

Hunched over the screen reading the list of contents as I spoke to him. “I think I’m going to start biting you. It’s only fair if you’re going to try to stop my fun.” He didn’t know for sure I was staying up. But he had a thread if he kept pulling it. The truth would come out.

“Uhmm…” Engrossed in the information flicking before me. “Yeah… this is the one.” Frowning as it slowly came to me.

“Hells!” Sitting up straight again, mindlessly rubbing my thighs.

“It’s full of explosives. Some brainiac thought it was a good idea to put them all in one container right at the front!”

Looking back to John. “It’s what they used off planet for the mining.”

Sighing heavily. “We need to look in there. See how safe it is… but…” trying to think this through. Imagining all the faces of the innocent souls onboard.

“We need to tell the others first. It’s fine right now. But… who knows until we have eyes on what is left in there.”

•— John —•

I chuckled at her and shook my head. “Just not the face and I’ll give you a free pass.” I knew she wouldn’t… I remember how badly she’d reacted to my split lip after she hit me when ALIE was still eating away her mind. And then just as it was healing we caught that planhacka (bastard) grounder on the island that had bashed my face in a few times before we got the better of him. That hadn’t helped her either.

“You need someone to share that stuff with! Being that high alone is no fun at all!” I laughed remembering the feeling and the hangover… that wasn’t quite a hangover… but was. My brow quirked and I tilted my head when she mentioned biting me. “Kinky!” I teased then muttered for her to hear. “It’s always the quiet ones.”

I stood up protectively… like putting myself between her and the container of whatever made her react like this would do anything at all.

“Explo….” I dragged my hand true my hair. “There are one hundred and fifty-year-old explosives on the ship containing half of the remaining human race?” I wasn’t sure the people in the bunker qualified as human after what they did… but they were there all the same… if it survived.

“I could run back up top and get the engineers… and Abby… But I really don’t want to leave you here Rey. I didn’t bring a radio. Can we communicate with other parts of the ship from here?” The idea of leaving her here was unacceptable… but dragging her back to Level One and back here again? That was just as bad.

•— Raven —•

“Easy there, Watcher.”

I held my hand out to tell him to sit back down. His demeanour changed in a blink. One second he is all about the pretty face, and highs of sugar rushes, and we won’t touch base on the kinky comment. Because let’s face it, I’d make his face turn rose-red! And then… this… he stood between me and the contractor holding the really big boom sticks!

“It’s not going to go off unless we mess with it.” Rubbing my hand over my face. “Which we are not going to do. Not now. Not ever.” There were too many souls on this ship we needed to keep safe.

“We need to look inside. But we are going to do anything and everything to make sure that we have the explosives stable.” Chewing on my lips thinking about the fact that we were going to be able to get out of here without any problems.

“I think our little excursion has come to its end. We need to touch base with the others. Marcus and Bells will want to come down and take a look for themselves. As will Griff.”

•— John —•

“Sorry… the whole bombs and explosion thing… still triggers me a bit…” I didn’t mention that the bomb that blew up the bridge on the ground had resulted in my having my fingernails ripped out. They didn’t believe me when I told them I had no idea anyone at the camp was a bomb maker. I didn’t even know Raven was on the ground then, and if I did… There was no way for me to know she was capable of building a bomb in a tin can. No one could have known the grounders had me and I didn’t want her torturing herself over it.

“And you shouldn’t tell the grounders either… not until we know they are secured.” I was secretly hoping they would float the bloody things… but that was wishful thinking. They would claim they would be useful back on earth… building… clearing land, and gathering materials. When we all knew it would end up as weapons. But I was worried about with the crew of the ship would do if the grounders got restless.

I nodded, she was right… “Okay… c’mon… let's shut all this down… I’ll walk you back to your room. How many people have the code for this room? Do we need to find a way to lock it, just in case?”

There wasn’t really much I could do but wait for her… once again I was sitting and simply watching her work. Although… now, I think she was comfortable with it instead of feeling like her space was being invaded… And that was… progress? Right?

•— Raven —•

“Don’t apologise, I know it’s something we need to be careful with. On top of it all, we don’t want to cause any unnecessary trouble with the council. But keeping it from them?”

Frowning as I kept reading the lists on the screen. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Keeping secrets, and lying, that’s what got us all in this situation in the first place. We need to be open and transparent. I feel that Everyone needs to have the full information, then we can all make the best decisions.” Turning to face him once I was reading to leave.

“We have to do it right this time, John.” Leaning forward to place a hand on his knee. “If we’re looking to do better, to make life for everyone more than what we had before, we have to be honest.” My hazel eyes took in what I saw. Fear? There was fear in his eyes. “Let’s go, we can think about it. And right now, everybody is too busy with the council and trying to settle on the ship to think about down here. You and I are the only ones who came down here.” Getting up I felt a sharp shot of pain, but breathing through it I smiled nodding to the door.

“It’s been a long day. You’re right. We need to think about things first.”

#the100 #the100rp #au #stories #ravenreyes #johnmurphy #okto #tolduidsurvive #littlebirdrey

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