#the-rat-empress

[thehomelybrewster]

1d8 "Free" Fantasy RPGs To Replace 5e At Your Table

D&D 5e sure is a roleplaying game, and it's one that I have enjoyed a lot. However, that doesn't mean that I'd recommend it automatically for other people. This has many reasons, which I won't elaborate here. It has also shaped the perception of TTRPGs significantly thanks to its market dominance, and not in a good way.

5e has a reputation for being an expensive, complex game, and 5e players fear that other RPGs might just be the same. That it's too much of a hassle and too much of a financial burden to switch systems.

So, to help 5e players pick out a different system, I've made this handy 1d8 rolling table to help them pick a fantasy TTRPG with a combat component that they can try instead!

Let's now go through these eight nine RPGs and see what's up with them, right below the "Keep reading" section!

I'll be listing some metrics like the page count for the rulebook(s), the core resolution mechanic, how complex the game is in terms of character creation & combat, and how well-supported the game is by their publisher and the community-at-large.

1. Cairn

Author: Yochai Gal

Release Year: 2020

Cost: Free PDF, printed copies cost between $3 to $10 depending on the print quality.

Page Count: 24

Website: https://cairnrpg.com/

Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 Roll Under system for ability checks/saving throws, attacks hit automatically, "fiction-first".

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Random character creation, class-less and level-less, advancement based on "Scars" (suffering damage that reduces your HP exactly to 0)

Setting: Implied. Low-magic European-style fantasy; mysterious woodlands.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Hit Protection and Ability damage instead of HP, Slot-Based Inventory.

Degree of Support: Very high. Available in fifteen languages (e.g. Spanish, Russian, Chinese, and German); full rules text is under CC-BY-SA 4.0; multiple published third-party adventures & supplements available; some official bonus material (e.g. bestiary, magic items/relics, and spells) is available for free on the website.

Addendum: An expanded 2nd Edition is currently on Kickstarter (ends April 26th 2024); Cairn is legitimately easy to learn, however the Hit Protection system and the connected Scars system is a very different abstraction to health and advancement compared to 5e.

2. Cloud Empress

Author: worlds by watt

Release Year: 2023

Cost: Free PDF of the rulebook and the creator-written sample adventure "Last Voyage of the Bean Barge", $20 for the print edition of the rulebook, $12 for PDF supplements, $25 for print + PDF supplements; free solo rules also available as PDF only.

Page Count: 60

Website: https://cloudempress.com/

Resolution Mechanic: d100 Roll Under system for stat checks/saving throws, critical successes or failures on doubles (11, 22, 33, etc.), 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, attacks generally hit automatically.

Action Economy: Two actions per round with no free movement.

Characters: Semi-random character creation, four classes ("jobs"), no rules for character advancement in the ruleset.

Setting: Specific. "Ecological science fantasy" heavily inspired by Hayao Miyazaki's "Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind"; costly magic, giant insects, dangerous mushrooms; only human player characters.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Damage points culminate in Wounds; Wounds and Stress as ways to track your character's physical and mental state; slot-based inventory system.

Degree of Support: Low-ish. Several official supplements exist, however third-party material is very sparse. May improve due to the recent establishment of a Cloud Empress Creators Fund, has a simple 3rd party license system.

Addendum: A supplement, "Cloud Empress: Life & Death" is currently on Kickstarter (ends April 26th 2024, yes, the same day as Cairn 2e) and as a disclaimer I even backed that current Kickstarter; Cloud Empress is built on the engine of the sci-fi horror RPG "Mothership"; clearly built for one-shots and short campaigns; has a wonderful resting system that encourages roleplay between players.

3. Iron Halberd

Author: level2janitor

Release Year: 2023

Cost: Free PDF of the rules; no print option available.

Page Count: 60

Website: https://level2janitor.itch.io/iron-halberd

Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system against difficulty or armor rating, however most non-combat-related actions follow a fiction first approach without dice rolls.

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Semi-random character creation, class-less but there are four different "gear kits" that nudge your character towards certain archetypes, levelling up with XP.

Setting: Essentially non-existant. General European fantasy with magic, gods may or may not exist/shape the world, various fantastic ancestries included.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Includes rules for building strongholds and maintaining warbands; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.

Degree of Support: None. The game is intended to be relatively compatible with other OSR content and the creator suggests using adventures made for the D&D retroclone Old-School Essentials if you wanna use pre-published ones. An official introductory adventure, "Sea-Spray Bay", is apparently in the works. No 3rd party license available, as far as I know.

Addendum: One thing about Iron Halberd I like especially is how it uses random tables for generating equipment. Most of the equipment is listed in a numerical order by category, and the various gear kits include references on different rolling formulas for those equipment categories. For example someone taking the "soldier's kit" rolls twice on the d20 Weapons table and takes their preferred pick, while someone taking the "sage's kit" only rolls a d4 on that table.

4. Mausritter

Author: Isaac Williams

Release Year: 2020

Cost: Free PDF of the ruleset available; box set with the rules and several goodies including an adventure costs $55; additional box set + PDFs containing eleven official adventures costs $55 (or $20 digital-only).

Page Count: 48

Website: https://mausritter.com/

Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 Roll Under system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, attacks always hit.

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Random character creation, class-less, levelling up with XP.

Setting: Vaguely specific. You play as mice and everything is related to mouse-size; cats are the equivalents of devils or dragons; humans exist as a setting background but may or may not be present in a campaign.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Includes rules for recruiting warbands; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.

Degree of Support: Very high. Several official supplements exist, as well as loads of content, be it adventures or supplements, made by other creators. Available in seven languages (all of them however are European). Has a simple 3rd party license system.

Addendum: Mausritter uses the phrase "adventure site" instead of dungeons. On the website a free adventure site generator is available, as is a digital tool that can be used to generate your own item cards for the slot-based inventory system.

5. Maze Rats

Author: Ben Milton

Release Year: 2017

Cost: $4.99 for the PDF, no print option regularly available.

Page Count: 32

Website: https://questingbeast.substack.com/

Resolution Mechanic: 2d6 + Bonus Roll Over system; advantage system that uses 3d6 drop the lowest + Bonus.

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Semi-random character creation, class-less but instead there are character features (e.g. spell slots or attack bonuses), levelling up with XP.

Setting: Essentially non-existant. Magic is very irregular (s. the section below), but otherwise it implies a vaguely European fantasy setting.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Spells are randomly generated each adventuring day and spell effects are negotiated between the GM and the spellcasting player; includes several fantastic d66 tables that can be used to randomly generate worlds.

Degree of Support: Decent. The rule text is licensed under CC BY 4.0 and unofficial translations are available. Some third-party content has been made specifically for the game.

Addendum: The only purchase-only game on this list. However "unofficial" distribution of the PDF is very common. Also this is the oldest game on the list. Ben "Questing Beast" Milton is a prolific OSR blogger and runs a YouTube channel on the OSR. Great dude.

6. Sherwood - A Game of Outlaws & Arcana

Author: Richard Ruane

Release Year: 2022

Cost: Free quickstart PDF titled "Sherwood - A Quickstart of Outlaws" available; digital rulebook costs $7.50 and the print edition (including PDF) costs $15.

Page Count: 25 (Quickstart), 32 (Rulebook)

Website: https://www.r-rook.studio/

Resolution Mechanic: 2d6 + Bonus Roll Over system for skill checks (including attacks), 2d6 Roll Under system for saving throws; advantage & disadvantage system that involves rolling 3d6 and using the higher/lower of the two results; almost all rolls are player-facing

Action Economy: "Conversational", assumption of movement + action.

Characters: Largely choice-based character creation. Combine two (of six) background abilities with the benefits of seven different careers. Big focus on interpersonal relationships during character creation. Limited character advancement takes place during downtime.

Setting: Specific. Takes place in a fantastical version of 13th century England, with fey and magic coexisting with outlaws and crusaders.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: The group of outlaws possesses two shared resources (Resources and Legend) that can be spent to gain certain benefits; spellcasting is divided into two categories: arcane talents and sorcerous rites, with the former being immediate and the later taking significant time; slot-based inventory.

Degree of Support: None. No further publications exist for the game and while it is published under the CC-BY 4.0 license, no third-party content exists as far as I know. It does include a guide on how to convert D&D and Troika (N)PCs into Sherwood characters, as well as three adventure seeds (one in the Quickstart, two in the rules), which is at least something.

Addendum: Might just be the game on this list that encourages the most roleplaying; the character sheet is sadly very provisional-feeling and the Quickstart feels outdated compared to the finalized rulebook.

7. The Electrum Archive

Author: Emiel Boven

Release Year: 2022

Cost: Free Rules PDF available, zines cost $12 as digital PDFs or $24 as print + PDF combos; the first zine contains the entire contents of the Free Rules PDF

Page Count: 26 (Free Rules), 72 (Issue 01)

Website: https://www.electrumarchive.com/

Resolution Mechanic: 1d10 Roll Under system, attacks always hit.

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Largely choice-based; three archetypes roughly corresponding to fighters/rangers (Vagabonds), rogues (Fixers), and spellcasters (Warlocks); player characters are presumed to be human; levelling up with XP.

Setting: Specific. Mechanics heavily tie into the lore; humanity has abundant access to minerals but requires a rare substance known as Ink to operate certain pieces of tech (like guns) and cast spells but cannot produce Ink themselves; spirits of various sorts can be foes, targets of worship, or sources of power.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Uses a spellcasting system for the Warlock archetype that's heavily based on the one used in Maze Rats, as in it uses randomly-generated spells whose effects are negotiated between the player and the GM; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.

Degree of Support: Minimal. The game consists out of the free rules and (soon) two zines; a third party license exists but content produced under it is very rare.

Addendum: I need to disclaim that I recently backed the Kickstarter campaign for the second zine for this game; the free rules feature wrong page numbers in its table of contents which is unfortunate; The Electrum Archive uses incredibly simple stats for NPCs which makes creating new ones based on other games rather simple.

8. Shadowdark RPG

Author: Kelsey Dionne

Release Year: 2023

Cost: Free player and game master quickstarts exist as PDFs and are available in print for $19, the core rules cost $28 in PDF form and $57 in a print + PDF bundle

Page Count: 68 (Player Quickstart Guide), 68 (Game Master Quickstart Guide), 332 (Core Rules)

Website: https://www.thearcanelibrary.com/

Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, natural 1s are critical failures and natural 20s are critical successes.

Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.

Characters: Largely choice-based; players have a fantasy ancestry and a class; levelling up with XP; class progression largely random.

Setting: Vague. General (dark) western fantasy conventions apply; alignment is a force in this universe and a sample pantheon is provided; the most potent enemies in the rules are named individuals that fit classic TTRPG monster types; illustrations and lore snippets have recurring motifs.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: The key mechanic of Shadowdark is how the game handles light, namely that light sources are tracked in real time (i.e. a normal torch lasts 1 hour), which increases tension; slot-based inventory; has a 0th-level character creation option using an eliminationist "Gauntlet".

Degree of Support: Fantastic. Several official supplements and offically sanctioned digital tools exist; lots of third-party content available under a generous third-party license.

Addendum: Definitely the most similar game to 5e on this list besides the next entry; very robust mechanically and the Core Rules features extensive lists of magic items, monsters, and spells; also for early play giving your players only access to the quickstart is a totally valid choice; and finally, before Dionne made Shadowdark, she made 5e adventures for years and it shows (affectionate).

9. Pathfinder

Authors: Logan Bonner, Jason Bulmahn, Stephen Radney-MacFarland, Mark Seifter

Release Year: 2019 (initial release), 2023 (remaster)

Cost: Free and comprehensive SRD available via the platform Archives of Nethys, free "Pathfinder Primer" abridged rulebook available via the Pathfinder Nexus (powered by Demiplane), Core books are priced $20 for PDFs and $30/$60 for print as a softcover/hardcover; a Beginner Box set with shortened soft-cover rules costs $45

Page Count: 464 (Player Core), 336 (GM Core), 376 (Monster Core), 160 (Combined Beginner Box Softcovers)

Website: https://paizo.com/pathfinder

Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, four degrees of success based on result compared to target number.

Action Economy: Three action points per round; various actions may require more than one point; every character can use one reaction per round of combat.

Characters: Choice-based; players first pick an ancestry and a background and a class (the ABCs) and then tend to have meaningful choices after each level-up; levelling up with XP.

Setting: Important. Golarion, the game's setting, is a world that has been long in development and it shows; powerful magic and influential gods; very clear notions of what the societies of the various peoples of the world are like and how they should behave.

Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Balance between character classes and reliable combat challenge calculations are an important design goal; weight-based inventory system; archetype system for "multiclassing".

Degree of Support: Fantastic. Loads of content gets regularly produced by the game's publisher Paizo; the Pathfinder Infinite program (similar to D&D's Dungeon Master's Guild) provides lots of lore-compliant third-party content; uses the ORC third-party license for content produced outside of the Pathfinder Infinite program. Translations into other languages available but Paizo does not provide a comprehensive list of available languages (only German and French confirmed after brief personal research).

Addendum: The most popular and commercially successful of the listed games; but also by far the most complicated, though it is easier to GM for specificallty than 5e; also I dislike how certain feats create situations where fairly mundane actions get mechanics through these feats instead of being things you can generally do; anyway the reason why it's a 9 on a 1d8 table is because if you wanted to try out Pathfinder 2e you already would have and because while Paizo is better than WotC it's still a flawed big company.

...

So this was an exhausting little project. I hope you found this helpful and I hope you give at least one of these games a shot! A follow-up to this post is not out of the cards, but I don't plan on one.

Before we go, have this poll about which of these systems you're most looking forward to try! Shame it can only be open for one week...

[kronofobia]

Tryina work on attacks and a revenge, but then these two happened:

I'm not complaining ofc<3

The one at my neck is Sisi and the other one doesn't have a name yet (my uncle's gonna name him)

[tangleslime2]

[swannposting]

Jack (on a side adventure with Lizzie?) comes across some supernatural thing that even he isn't about to fuck around and find out about. Something insane like a wardrobe being guarded on a ship and he opens it and snow comes out.

♡ Hi, anon! Thank you dearly for this prompt. I had a great deal of fun playing with this today. ♡ -> askbox is open for prompts whenever

“We never should have sailed north of the Carolinas, Lizzie.” 

Shivering like a wet dog, Jack trudges along a rocky beach at the heels of his Captain. He rubs at his elbows for warmth and lets out an ostentatious sneeze. 

“You know I hate the cold,” he grumbles, his voice thick and snotty, “And the clouds. Where’s the sun? Feels like me bollocks are goin’ to freeze off…”

“Keep that up.” Elizabeth taps at the compass cradled delicately in her palm. She pauses, squinting at the twitching needle, and Jack catches up beside her.

“Huh?” 

“You are being thoroughly annoying,” she informs him, “It’s stopping the compass from getting distracted by you.” 

“Hm. Well, you’re welcome. Can we leave now?” 

Her eyes roll irritably in his direction and she just walks onward, leaving him stewing in his bad mood. Jack stumbles on the unfamiliar terrain as he hurries after her. 

“Do you truly think there will be something of value here?” he says, following her around the corner of a cliffside, “Seems like this rock is entirely devoid of anything shiny.” 

“The compass seems to think so,” she replies, “I suspect it’s got something to do with the chalices. I’ve been wanting them terribly.” 

“Compass doesn’t work like that.”

“Sure it does,” she says matter-of-factly, “When one learns to get a handle on one’s own desires, she can be incredibly responsive.”

Jack scoffs, unwilling to believe that Elizabeth could have mastered the compass that has been his uncertain guide all his life. They continue along the base of one of the myriad of cliffsides found in the scattered islands north of the British Isles until they come across a break in the rock formation. It is almost like a staircase of stone. It isn’t man made, but it looks simple enough to scale. 

“Allow me, dearie,” Jack offers, stepping forward to take the lead as they climb. 

“No, you stay behind me,” orders Captain Swann, hopping gracefully up onto the first ledge. 

Of course, he should have known. If he is to take the lead, Elizabeth will be unable to discern if the compass is leading her to the treasure they seek, or in circles, following her dear old Jack. That gives him something to grin wickedly about as they ascend into the cliffside. Distracted by his own celebratory musings, he walks right into Elizabeth. They have reached the top of the cliff, where the ground is patchy with grass, and their anchored ship is visible in the distance. The captain has halted to look out at what they’ve found. 

“Huh. A shortcut?”

Elizabeth approaches a large opening in the ground. She kneels at the edge and peers down, then takes a pebble and drops it into the pit. It sinks with a whistle of air, and a splash echoes upward. 

“You aren’t actually thinking about going down there, are you?” asks Jack from where he stands at a safer distance. 

“I was considering sending you down there.” 

“Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy exploring massive, unfamiliar holes.”         

Still, he cannot help his curiosity, and he steps forward to peer down as well. 

“This must be the cave that they spoke of,” Elizabeth says thoughtfully, “You can hear the tide within. Seems like the compass just took us on the most direct route.” 

As she contemplates the sea cave below, Jack is suddenly spurred by a spirit of mischief. He does not mean to push Elizabeth into the pit, really. When he jolts her shoulders, he is only trying to give her a lighthearted scare, perhaps providing more of that helpful annoyance she asked for. But she startles, and slips, and the fragile earth beneath them crumbles at the edges. Gasping, she grasps at his coat as she falls, dragging him down into the abyss with her. Their shrieks shatter the silence of the cave, surely alerting anything that dwells there of their presence before they splash into the water below. 

The water there is dark emerald, illuminated by what Jack first thinks are some kind of gemstones. Until the gemstones move, and he realizes that the glow comes from the eyes of several creatures swirling past him underwater. Bubbles escape his mouth in a silent shout. He swims upward at top speed.

“Selkies!” he cries as he breaks the surface. Treading water, he spins about, searching for Elizabeth. 

“I know!” Elizabeth calls back. Jack spots her a ways away, being guided to a dark shore within the cave by a large seal. “They’re nice!” 

“No, they are not!” Jack splutters through his breaststrokes as he makes for shore, “They’re like mermaids, ‘Lizbeth. They’ll trick you!” 

But she pays no heed to his warning, and ends up on the ebony sands just before he does. Several of her new selkie friends follow, and as they emerge from the water, their seal skin transforms into pale, naked, human forms. Their eyes, huge like saucers and darker than the Black Pearl, lock with Elizabeth’s inquisitive gaze. He hears her whisper, “Beautiful…”  as she extends a hand to one of them. 

If Jack was cold before, he is positively turning to ice now. Drenched from head to toe, Jack wobbles to his feet and hurries to Elizabeth, tugging her away from the spell of the selkies. They hiss at him, exposing razor sharp teeth. Elizabeth yelps. Dozens of selkies within the water and on the shore all begin to circle the small strip of land upon which they stand, shivering with cold. 

“Do you think they are guarding that?”  

Elizabeth points further back in the cave. It seems that a bit of sunlight has broken the cloud cover and now shines through a small opening in the roof of the cave. The sliver of light reveals the remnants of a ship, wrecked and run aground. 

“Lovely observation, Lizzie dear,” says Jack, checking that his sword is still strapped to his belt, “Now what do you say we leave them to their duty, shall we?” 

Instinctively, they side-step until they are back to back, ready to draw their weapons and defend one another should the selkies use their teeth for more than just an unfriendly hiss. 

“No!” Elizabeth protests in a near whisper, “I want to see what’s in there.” 

“I expect more things that would love nothing more than to kill intruders such as you and I.” 

“We don’t know that! They could be nice.” 

“You almost became dinner for these things a moment ago.” 

Jack groans, covering his eyes for fear of the sekies’ spell. He hears movement beside him and peeks between his fingers to see that Elizabeth is boldly approaching the creatures. As fond as he is for his darling captain, he considers making a break for it and leaving her to sort out her own questionable decisions. 

“Hello!” greets Elizabeth, cheerily as she can muster to conceal the fear that Jack sees in her shaky smile. She gives a wave and holds up both hands in a sign of peaceful surrender. “Lovely to meet you all! And thank you very much for helping me to shore. I am Elizabeth Swann, Pirate Lord of the South China Seas and King of the Brethren Court.”

The selkies exchange looks and start to whisper among themselves in an unfamiliar tongue. Elizabeth casts a nervous glance at Jack, who is becoming very distracted by the terrifying visions of beauty that surround him. Before he can run, two selkies slink out of the water and come up behind him, sliding their long, dainty arms around his shoulders. The tallest of the selkies, and perhaps the most stunning of them all, steps up to Elizabeth, who holds her ground. 

“A woman king?” inquires the selkie in a melodic voice. Briefly in awe, Elizabeth blinks a moment before answering. 

“Indeed, I am.”

“And this man here– We saw him push you into the water. Would you like us to kill him for you?” 

“That was entirely accidental!” Jack calls out, struggling against the creatures and their pointy nails, “An awful misunderstanding really! Now if you’ll just kindly call off your ladies we can—”

Elizabeth shoots him a glare and holds up a hand to silence him, then smiles sweetly at what might be the selkie clan’s leader. 

“That is very kind, but no, thank you!” 

“Oh. Is he your… consort?” 

“Yes. I- I mean– no. Not exactly. He is more like my second in command. And I would like to keep him around. I do apologize for our intrusion. I can assure you we mean no harm.” 

“A pirate that means no harm?” says the leader, tilting her head. The other selkies let out a chorus of taunting laughter that makes Jack squirm. 

“Yes,” Elizabeth insists, “We mean you no harm.” 

“In our experience, pirates are liars who befoul our homes and slaughter our children.” 

The selkie leader’s anger is palpable. Elizabeth takes one step back, shuddering as a cold wind blows through the sea cave. 

“Those pirates are not our allies,” says Elizabeth, choosing her words carefully, “And I will make certain that any pirate who lives by the Code of my Brethren shall never harm you, or any of your children...” 

Jack winces. That sort of grandiose promise does not sound like something that could be easily enforced. But perhaps these are just words. Perhaps Elizabeth has seen sense and, like him, wants to get as far away from these isles as—

“...All I ask is to be permitted onto that ship you guard.” 

Bugger. Jack drags a hand down his face and groans again. If he ends up gnawed to death by a gorgeous seal-lady, he swears he will have a nasty message for William when the Dutchman comes to retrieve his soul. 

“That  ship?” The selkie leader inclines her head toward the back of the cave. Elizabeth nods. 

“I believe there might be something there that I am seeking. That is all we have come here for.” 

A disarming smile graces the selkie’s face, and her red lips stretch over teeth like sharpened pearls. She advances on Elizabeth, and Jack holds his breath, fearing that he is about to watch the gruesome demise of someone quite dear to him. Instead, the creature takes Elizabeth’s face in both her hands. 

“You are a very interesting Pirate King indeed. Have you been blessed by the sea?” 

Elizabeth’s lips part and her eyelashes flutter. It might be magic that has her entranced, or she might just be enraptured by this supernatural beauty. Jack can barely hear her say, 

“In a way, I am married to the sea.”

Her response pleases the leader, who touches her lips to Elizabeth’s forehead. 

“Then you have our blessing as well.” 

As the selkie leader draws back, Jack sees that Elizabeth’s face is bright pink, either from the cold, or that blessing. She and the selkie leader share a saccharine smile that Jack does not understand in the slightest. 

“Whatever it is that you seek is none of our concern. That ship is all that remains of a crew of men who failed to defeat us. We do not guard it. It is yours to explore.” 

And that is that. The leader calls off her fellow selkies, who retreat into the water and into the darkened corners of the cave. Jack scurries after Elizabeth, who heads straight for the shipwreck after graciously thanking the selkies. Together they shimmy up a splintering column of wood and nearly collapse onto the first deck they reach, which seems to be a captain’s quarters.

“Well, that was—”

“What the fuck  did you do that for?” hisses Elizabeth, her teeth chattering now, “We were lucky enough that they d-didn’t kill us, but our wet clothes may very well s-send us to our graves!”

With trembling hands, she opens up the compass again. She gives it a shake and lets out an exasperated sigh. 

“It’s spinning like mad now. What I w-want m-most in this world is t-to get warm!” 

Jack wraps her hands in his and rubs them together. When that fails to generate any real warmth, he gently takes back his compass and she hugs herself. 

“Let me try…”

Though it wouldn’t surprise him if the compass’s needle pointed him in the direction of the equator. He told  her that he hated going north, and for good reason. Jack rises to his feet and starts to pace the dusty old cabin. The needle settles and he turns to where it points. 

“Ah! How about this for a heart’s desire!” 

He stands before a large wardrobe, and to his delight, it is unlocked. Some sort of clothing must be inside, he hopes. Anything dry would do them good for now. However, something strange seems to emanate from the knobs. He hears Elizabeth come up behind him as he tugs open the doors. He expects the wardrobe to be full of dust. What tumbles out is a shock, to say the least. Heaps of powdery snow avalanche out onto his boots, and a cloud of the stuff goes fluttering outward as though an icy winter wind has been released from the depths of the wardrobe. He turns to Elizabeth, his dreads and facial hair covered in snowflakes. 

“Captain Swann?” 

“Yes?” 

“May I suggest we get the hell out of here?” 

Blinking away snow from her lashes, Elizabeth nods fervently. Jack steps back, kicking ice and snow from his boots, and something catches his eye. 

“Oh…? What’s this?” 

The cold bites at his bare hand as he stoops to reach into the heap. There, glinting beneath this bizarre indoor snowfall, is one of the two silver Chalices of Cartagena. Precisely what they have been searching for. He hands it to Elizabeth for her to marvel at. Then he snaps his compass shut and kisses it gratefully.

“Incredibly responsive. Seems this blasted thing knew where she was taking us after all!”

[omgeto]

MAHITO CAN GO HUG A LANDMINE.

Ugly ass frankstien wannabe.

Fucking bubble blowing fool

Bitch ass no shoulder sleeves on his shirt

No style havin ass

Weird monster fucking fool

That crusty ass tone nails piece of shit

Weird tongue mother fucker

well there you go. you said it not me.

[torntruth]

the funniest thing about emily ( and there's actually a lot ) is that so many people overlook that she had to survive even as an empress and that she isn't just rich and prissy. she sometimes had to pick rats up off the street and just eat them. for the sustenance.

[liroyalty]

"I'm so sorry for your brother, captain. He must still have stains on his arms from having Amalia latched onto it."

"I assure you, your highness, the stain in his hand from accepting the Bexley's coin is deeper & darker then the stains on his arm."

[necrospellbinder]

If I had a nickel for every time someone in Polaris with Authoritative power was secretly being used as puppet by a greater enemy to achieve their goals, I would have two nickels.

Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[nineratsinatrenchcoat]

Just got back from watching a broadway production of Anastasia.

My Takeaway: should’ve been gay

[crepusculum-rattus]

How would you build c!Phil in D&D?

if we’re talking abt in reference to my s4 stat block stuff…… i would just make him an NPC. he’d be more detailed than most NPCs and only Probably have a stat block just in case, but for the sake of how a campaign would work w all these deities…. phil would end up being an NPC. hmmm it would be fun to make him an aarakocra perhaps. perhaps just a regular human bc i love making him Just a Guy

BUT if we’re talking about making him an actual homebrew “monster” stat block.. uhhhhh come back in 5 to 10 business days for that one /hj

[triiiplegoddcss]

Tag dump: Relationships

[max1461]

Continuing on with my America/Europe dichotomy, and this one's gonna be a doozy. This one's for the real thinkers. Ok so basically, Americas are uh, patriarchal and Europes are Oedipal. Ok. Look. This one, right, you're really gonna have to follow me on this one.

Look. In America, right, we do the whole single family home, like, patriarchal homestead medieval Icelandic family farm thing, the man is in charge of the house, rugged individualism and/or suburbia. But it's patriarchal. American man goes out and gets a hot trophy wife, who looks good and bleach blonde hair and signifies "this man is a Real Man, cause he got a hot trophy wife". Wife is like a fast car, wife is like a ferrari you get, to show off. For the American man. Remember China is also an America. Chinese gucci fuckboy chainsmoking guy needs to own a house, he needs to own a house and make one bajillion dollars to land a Chinese beauty standards thin and swan-necked hot Chinese babe to go with his gucci and his car. JUST like American man. Remember that China only ever had one empress in its million year history. Patriarchal.

In a Europe, right, every man wants to fuck his mom. He just does, I've met European men. They all want to fuck their mom. Italian guys? Fuhgeddaboudit. His wife is NOT a trophy to show of to other guys. He will expect her to cook, clean, wipe his ass. And there's this reputation, I know because I have family members who habitually date European men, there's this reputation where they literally live with their mom who cleans their underwear until they move in with their wife and now she cleans his underwear and pops out sixteen Catholic children. Right? Europe is oedipal. Ancient multi-generational homes... it breeds wanting to fuck your mom wanting a fucking mom-wife. Japan has had nine empresses. Squarely a Europe.

This is the source of all the other differences. They don't mind reusing old bathwater in Japan for the same reason moms don't mind when their kids barf on them... in America we don't mind poisonous chemicals in our food because young men don't care about that kind of shit. This is the fundamental difference.

IDEAL state of affairs, ok, is to be born in a wild and crazy America such as America or China, or maybe Russia (edge case), and then move to a nice and peaceful Europe in adulthood. They're great at walkable cities and shit in Europes, they love that shit. Doing what mommy tells them. And as an American it's a breath of fresh air. But it's important to be born and raised over here, you see, so you have that fuck you attitude, so you don't want to fuck your mom. Have I ever told this story? My grandad ate rat poison once, when he was a kid in the great depression riding the rails. I'm not making this up. Apparently he ate so much that his body didn't even try to digest it and it went right through him. He was fine. 🇺🇸

[trulyumai]

soon to be heir

—pairing: emperor Geta / empress! reader

synopsis: word of your pregnancy spread fast. Geta had to act even quicker to ensure your safety.

warnings: talk of violence, short tempers, grabbing. geta tries to be soft.

a/n: this was very heavily requested, enjoy everyone!

The news spread like wildfire.

‘Empress with a soon to be heir!’ For the gods, your own servants whispered about it.

It was true, of course. How could it not be, for Geta would make sure to fill you almost every night. Inching his fingers to touch below and shove the remainder of his seed into your wet mound.

He had planned for this. Dreamed of it.

Of you swole with his child; all his own doing. You didn’t, or hadn’t, planned on becoming a mother this early into his reign. But life was funny that way. Life and a certain ginger haired emperor.

You sat now, swelled next to the man during dinner time. It was unfortunate on the servants really, to abide by all your silly cravings. grapes here, jackfruits there and oh! Don’t forget about the sweet bread. Did I mention the berry spread?

“Wife,” Geta’s voice drew you from your thoughts. A hand, warm and callous placed itself upon your tummy. “Would you be receiving anything else?” He was ever so doting on you now. His eyes even held a bit of love to them from time to time.

“Ahm,” thinking you tried to place the current craving at command. But with a newfound shyness and tinge of embarrassment, you decided against it. “It’s— it’s nothing, dear husband.”

Almost immediately, Geta sensed the lie. And oh, how he hated those.

For gods sake, half of the palace lay in waste for the rumor of there being a rat, so for the audacity you displayed? It was dangerous.

He squinted and with the same arm, draped it across your shoulders, pinning your shorter body to his. “You wouldn’t be lying to me, little wife, would you?” A fire sprung up inside your body. Automatically, fight or flight seemed to be kicking in.

“It’s just a small thing. Not even worth mentioning really,” spit had gathered in your mouth incessantly out of fear. Gulping it down, the emperor leaned in further, until his nose brushed against yours.

If it were any other man, you would have called him pretty.

If it were any other man, you would have danced kisses upon his cheeks, his eyelids.

But it was Geta.

So you just watched, holding back a whimper as he applied more pressure with his hand upon your back.

Wordlessly, you knew what he wanted. He had become so infatuated with your wanton needs lately.

Oh, a bath? He’ll start it.

Those rare flowers by the bay? He’ll send word for them.

What’s that, that man is staring little too long? Beheading it is!

The last one was on his account, Geta had the man seized while you woddled back to the chambers, unaware of the whole predicament until your faithful servants informed you.

Geta had lobbed his head off right in the middle of the throne room. Screaming on about loyalty, fealty. What was his.

Geta’s fingers slowly perched there way below your chin, mulling you out of the violent place you put yourself in.

“Well?” The man wasn’t known for his patience, and you were surprised he lasted this long already.

“It’s… honey bread.” The emperor had to stifle his laughter. To hear and worry over such a dumbfounded thing.

“Honey bread.” He repeated, already raising his palm to signal for the chef.

“It shall be done, my wife.”

“It’s not necessary—

“It shall be done.” That was the end of it, you supposed.

Slowly, cautiously you sat up, legs already shaking with the added pressure.

Geta’s hands lay tensed and ready, just in case he needed to grab or hold you.

Unfortunately for him, you noticed this. Wanting to grant the man his sought out intention of protection, you reached out and cradled his hand in your own.

“Walk me back to our room?” And with a look as pathetic as that, how could the man say no.

He stood with you, and automatically, the servants in the room bowed their heads.

Fearful to take a glimpse of you and it be mistaken for something else.

Fearful to lay eyes upon the gruesome emperor with the short temper.

Now, with his big palm splayed out on your lower back, you began your stroll. Leaning into his soft robes your eyes shut. Geta had no problem taking the lead, holding onto your body with desperation and dare he say, infatuation.

[harunayuuka2060]

Lucifer: What happened?

Diavolo: We immediately came here when we received your message, Barbatos—

Barbatos: I...! COULDN'T FIND...! THE EMPRESS!

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: I've never seen you lost your cool. Except when you got freaked out seeing a rat.

Diavolo: Have you checked all the rooms? How about the labyrinth?

Barbatos: I've looked everywhere, my lord!

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: Have you tried using a bait?

Barbatos: ...

Lucifer: I'm sure the empress wouldn't leave the palace grounds. Because if she did, she would've informed Diavolo.

Diavolo: Oh! You're right about that, Lucifer!

Barbatos: She's hiding. Why would she tell my lord?

Lucifer: Don't be stupid. She's still her husband.

Lucifer: Anyway, I've bought her a fountain pen which never runs out of ink—

*a floor tile starts moving a few meters in front of them, revealing a hole*

MC: *emerges from it*

Barbatos: ...

MC: *approaches Lucifer* *looks at the pen in his hand*

MC: Can I have this?

Lucifer: I—Yes. Of course. It's my gift to you.

MC: Thank you.

Diavolo: *laughs* Have you built your own hiding spot, my empress?

MC: Yes. Barbatos scolded me this morning.

MC: I was hurt so I hid myself for a while.

MC: I dug that hole when he was busy preparing breakfast.

Lucifer and Diavolo: *could literally see the sparkles around her*

Lucifer: You look proud with your work, empress.

MC: Yes.

Barbatos: Trust me that I'll be hiding all the shovels in the palace. *smiling*

MC: ...

MC: I still have hands.

Diavolo and Lucifer: Snrk—

Barbatos: *frowns*

Barbatos: *has wrapped MC like a burrito with only her head poking out*

MC: I have work to do.

Barbatos: You've finished them all, empress.

MC: ...

MC: But I've seen some—

Barbatos: They are for the next decade.

MC: ...

MC: What should I do now?

Barbatos: Take a nap, empress. I'll wake you up later in the afternoon.

MC: ...

MC: *tries to sit up*

Barbatos: *lightly pushing her down* You still haven't apologized to me, empress.

MC: ...

MC: I'm sorry.

Barbatos: *smiles* Sleep now, empress.

MC: Can't I really do the next decade's work?

Barbatos: No.

Diavolo: You should take a break as well, Barbatos.

Lucifer: Right. You look exhausted.

Barbatos: Physically, I'm fine. But the empress has been stressing me out lately.

Diavolo: A good type of stress, you mean?

Barbatos: ...

Barbatos: *smiles* I'll be lying if I say that it's not.

Barbatos: *sigh right after* Though her hyperfixation has been a huge problem to me.

Lucifer: How so?

Barbatos: She tried building a castle from scratch.

Lucifer and Diavolo: ...

Lucifer: You're talking about a miniature model, aren't you?

Diavolo: *troubled chuckle* If that's the case, you should let her be—

Barbatos: Did I mention anything about it being miniature?

Lucifer and Diavolo: ...

[yanderehsr]

What's up doc? 🥕. For this time may I reguest with something suprise? Basically, you can choose any four fem characters that would be the most unsettling, creepy, and controlling yandere for their yandere. Plus, which Ines would most likely break their darling?

Aight then, Hope you'll enjoy😁

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Murder

Ruan Mei: She is increadibly controlling and she can be real creepy as well, before you get kidnapped by her she kinda just stares at you... all of the time, she doesn't even look away when you catch her in the act.

It is Ruan Mei's way to study you, what if you do something when she isn't looking, she could miss important details about you, detail she can use to control you better. I would rank her 3rd on this list most likely to break her darling, she actually will try to make sure you stay sane.

"I think you need to calm down, do so before I lose my patience as well, If you just do as I tell you we could skip all this"

Edelgard: She isn't the most controlling of yanderes but she's pretty high up there, but it would be rather unsettling to have her as your yandere, she tends to force herself into any conversation you have with others and isolates you from everyone else, she also tends to be rather touchy even if you aren't in a relationship, not like you can stop the future empress from doing what she wants.

Edelgard's controlling side is that she chooses who you can hang out with, she gets really mad if you ignore her commands, Hubert is fine but people like Hilda or Sylvain... yeah no, if they ever get near you their heads will be detached from their bodies, I will rank her as the 4th on how likely she is to break her darling, it's more likely for you to get stockholm syndrome with her than to break.

"It feels nice spending moments alone with you like this... I just have to ask, did I see you speak with Sylvain earlier, I hope not, that would be... tragic"

Junko Enoshima: Unsettling and Creepy to the max, she isn't very controlling tho if at all, she will openly talk with you about murder, torture and any subject you might find horrible, hell she might even kill someone in front of you to see your reaction, she loves seeing you squirm and look afraid. She makes sure you will never feel comfortable with her all so she can see your delicious despair.

Junko isn't afraid either of you telling others anout what she does, why would they believe you over her, it's almost laughable how easy it is to keep you around even with how abusive she is. Very much the most likely to break you, she might even kill you just so she herself can feel despair.

"Did you really try to rat me out, it's almost adorable, tho if you do that again I might just need to kill some of your friends, don't make me too mad darling"

Cocolia: Yup, controlling as all hell, you would also have this unsettling fear every time she looks at you, like you are a possession rather than a human, like you are hers. The sad part is that no one can deny it, you are hers and no one can help you.

Cocolia isn't afraid to get physical with you if you step out of line, she can't have you breaking her rules thats she sets for you, and in her opinion pain is the best way to learn, she doesn't really care if you break as well, if she can't get an obedient lover she would rather have a broken one. Second to most likely to break her darling due to all the physical abuse and uncare towards your feelings

"You are really testing my nerves here you know. It shouldn't be that hard to listen yet you always defy me, such stupidity needs to be punished"

[meglosthegreat]

I recently recced someone Dishonored, and in doing so realized that the reasons I love the series and the reasons game reviewers and media outlets loved the series are actually very different. So whatever you've heard about it being an inventive and mechanically intricate immersive sim, here's why you should actually play these games:

Corvo, the depressed dad who is also a rampant kleptomaniac who does a little bit (or a lot) of murder but it's ok because it's not as much murder as the ones he's murdering

Daud, the depressed ace/aro king who does one little war crime that everyone won't shut up about and is then sad for the rest of the series

Emily, the depressed empress who was actually pretty bad at ruling and needed to go murder a few people (or a lot) in order to get better at it

Billie, the depressed criminal who somehow ends up being a video game protagonist as a 40+ year-old black lesbian woman and is perpetually done with everyone's shit

The Outsider, the depressed god who is constantly soaking wet and torments people by giving them the power to do war crimes while also gleefully watching them slowly go insane

And that's just the major players! You also get as a bonus, in no particular order: deep worldbuilding, immaculate aesthetics, comically evil fucked up little guys, comically tragic fucked up little guys, talking rats, time travel shenanigans, slapstick comedy, and as much poetic justice as your twisted little heart desires.