#the writers don't decide to flip it around on us and make him decent. bc lemme tell you it would take a VERY SPECIFIC writing route

[becauseplot]

Thanks for eating the brainfog it has abated for now 👍Crazy how like, sleeping and eating food will improve your mental state people should do this more often /sarc. Also yeah oof. At least have groceries now? Groceries in fridge yippee?

Yeah, if stainless steel could love you back sure is a. It sure is. I've only heard good things about it. A rare rated-E-for-goreviolence-and-nothing-else fic set after the regret arc with a hearty helping of paranoia, medical trauma, and insaneduo being, well, them.

Ohhhh that is so much actually. Love me a good fate-worse-than-death, and how time-travel means saving some but potentially losing others. And the fact that you can go back in time and see that he was a good, decent person all of this (because of COURSE he was, of course the writers decided to go for the gut-punch, ow ow ow.) The second-person fic sounds so interesting. I feel like a lot of people sleep on second-person---myself included. I just haven't had a reason to use second-person. It's very immersive, needless to say. If you're cool w it, and you don't think it would be utterly lost on me---someone who knows nothing about ffxiv (Final Fantasy 14 I'm assuming?)---I'd love to read it. (And yeah I know the feeling. It's why I suppose writing fic for yourself first and others second is so important, otherwise when you write something and the validation doesn't come it's ouch. I still get that feel tho, I've got some fics floating around that I wish got more attention but it's whatev we keep ballin.)

Gel pens my beloved holy shit. And yeah writing on paper helps so much, I still whip out a notebook on occasion when I'm struggling on a scene. Last time I did it was for *flips through current notebook* a scene in Prime Meridian, actually! It was over a month ago tho and just a few pages. Also godDAMN your sister is insane /pos that's like hardcore writing. Hats off to her jfc I'm scared of her now lmao.

Gently holding ghost child you deserved better :( <3 go home be safe.

Yeah I know what you're saying about qForever and being "tainted". Personally I'm fine reading fics with him but writing him is...like in theory I'm okay with it? Idk if I'd be ok writing his POV (tbf that might just be that I'm not comfortable in his POV bc I've never written it idk) but I'd definitely be hesitant to upload it. Maybe one day, if have qForever brainworms.

*deep breath* ARCHIVISTS ARCHIVISTS ARCHIVISTS RAHHHHH. Been a minute since I've done that. One of these days I will write for them unfortunately *rattles brain* HELLOOOOOOO?????

Fucking felt. That sounds really nice king, I'm glad. I'm currently holding out for the next few weeks until spring break comes and I get to travel home and see my family, as well as my friends who are also off at university. My spring break actually lines up with theirs this year so we can actually have a chance to hang out. God I miss them. Also I might land an internship at my cousin's work this summer so that would be Epic.

Cellbit is cracked beyond belief holy shit. Mans did two six hour (SIX HOUR) sessions in his second language and absolutely killed it, both literally and metaphorically. The way he says "I'm so sorry," is like driving a stake through my chest every single time I rewatch that clip. In that moment, he---the creator and orchestrator of this world---is directly apologizing to the characters because he knows what is going to happen, and he knows they cannot escape it, and he knows that it will fucking hurt in a way that the characters could never even begin to understand until it happens; and when he says it, you can tell that he, the narrator, is truthfully, genuinely sorry for them. Like dude that is so fucked up. That is so so so fucked up and it makes me want to throw up oh so violently 10/10.

Cannot wait to finish this series if not for the ending but for all the shit we can scream at each other about when I'm no longer in a spoiler danger zone. I'm making my way through ep 11 right now but haven't gotten very far (they're at the tavern and the townspeople are Not happy with them because they're suspicious but things seem to have been settled for now, and now the group is just discussing. And man the way that Joui's new form is starting to drive a wedge between them surely this won't escalate surely surely <-SCARED)

The membrane and the Order takes and takes and takes and takes. And Liz and Joui and Thiago make me insane and Ceasar and Arthur are so so much and if anything happens to them,,,, hhhorugh. Tengo miedo tengo miedo.

Sounds like a good time dude, have fun pulling the rug out from under your players :D Lots of working parts which are cool but also *work* I get it, I get it. Corpse expert Factorial on the case o7.

Man that professor was like, one of the best profs I've ever had. Never seen someone so outright passionate about what they were teaching, and he always took suggestions and feedback from the students. Every week we'd do reading and have a question prompt and just have a full class discussion. Genuinely one of the most eye-opening classes I've ever taken fr.

Yeah, Mysticism sure is. It's a lot! Interesting, but a lot to think about. The More is supposed to be part wonderful part terrifying part a billion other confusing things. Whole lotta Shit(tm), I get it. Life be Life-ing and sometimes it's great and sometimes it hates you and sometimes you just sit on the couch with a friend and laugh at shitty reality TV and breathe.

Make another au do it I dare you <-demons on your shoulders ignore them (or dont)

Ohhhhh more music!! Fucking love music oohohohoh. I'll check them out. I've got a lecture starting in like 60 seconds so I gotta run but I'm adding them to the list later rest-assured!! :D

finished ep 10 of osnf (long post under the cut oh lord)

crying sobbing kicking over chairs screaming CELLBIT IS AN EVIL EVIL MAN WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. FOR WHAT REASON. POR CUAL RAZÓN. LO ODIO. <-said with the utmost adoration and respect of a writer but the fury of a fan who just had to endure all of that my hearttttt 0(-(

god fuck i have thoughts and feelings regarding episode 10 of osnf. obviously. i don't even know how to start.

okay. first of all the way that he was able to orchestrate the like 57839 different POVs of the nightmare happening at the same time was actually pretty smooth, all things considered. being able to forcibly mute/deafen the others is a good thing to be able to do yesyes.

second, im losing my mind over how he hides the fact that "it's all a dream" WITHIN the "it's all a dream" trope by having the creatures be manifestations of dreams/guilt in "reality" themselves. idk if i'm making any sense, but like, you get it, right? like, it's the fact that we thought we had already discovered the dream-based deceit in the segment because of what the "Hotelier" told Joui at the start of it, but it turns out that THAT was a red-herring of sorts for the TRUE dream-based deceit, that EVERYTHING was a dream, not just the creatures. god there are fucking layers to this im foaming at the mouth that's soooo good.

i guess that's what makes the "it's all a dream"-style trope present here feel less cliche. because, you know, it is a trope, and it's not really a trope that i'm fond of, but because there's actually more going on, it feels less cheap. what certainly helps is that the fact that it's roleplay, so the reactions from the characters are so much more raw, and there are some irl stakes (character dead = out of the series = can't play anymore). that definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat.

edit: something i forgot to mention—what i dislike abt the “it’s all a dream” trope the most is that it is very easily something that can be so, so cheap. all angst, no stakes or consequences, no lasting impact on the plot on the characters. however, not only is there a “physical” impact via several characters losing SHITLOADS of sanity (something not easily recovered) but we get to see a little more into the psyche of the characters. which i suppose is often the point of the “it’s all a dream” segments, but this dream—one with a lot of references to past major character death and itself contains major character death—rings especially true for the themes of the series: the world they live in is dangerous, and the work they do is lethal. people have and will die. and they do and will feel guilty, reguardless if they are at fault. it’s not a horrifying death dream just for the sake of being a death dream, it feels grounded in their reality, and i love that.

third, man he did not hold back. when Arthur was being beaten to a pulp by not!Brúlio, i was actually in shock, i was screaming. plus, i think the fact that Cellbit rolled a 001 when not!Brúlio attacked actually helped to hide the fact that this was a dream. it made it look like it was bad luck rather than the segment was designed to kill the characters (well, at least until he revealed that the damage was 1d4+1d6, but i'll get to that later).

gosh the narration of how not!Brúlio killed Arthur. holy shit. i don't. i don't even have words, that is DEVASTATING. that is probably one of the worst ways for a person to go. i know it's a dream but if i were Arthur i would be emotionally fucked up beyond belief. beaten to a bloody pulp by the father who once loved you so much, screaming at you for abandoning him and that it's your fault he died a horrible death. and then he drops your body on the ground like you're nothing but a pile of useless meat. god. damn.

and then Liz. ohhhh Liz. i just. i was devastated. her whole struggle with Alex, the man she treated so horribly. yes it's true the real Alex never would have said these things to you, but how do you know he wasn't thinking it? that he didn't want to? that what not!Alex says doesn't hold some truth? christttt. and of course the way she dies: in complete agony. and did she forgive herself? because, unlike with not!Brúlio, the creature turned into that weird wispy black thing just as she died, and i would assume that means she forgave herself (if those rules even apply considering this was all a result of the parasite's deceit (holy hell my brain is melting i am the man with the hand on the conspiracy board)).

fourth: the 1d4+1d6 thing! when he read that out, i was stunned. that is a LOT of damage considering all of the characters have ~10 HP. with an extreme roll, that's basically an insta-kill, or it's easily a two-hit-kill. i thought Arthur was unlucky, but when Liz also went down, i was---well, devastated, at first, because that's Liz, she's my absolute favorite and i love her, but i started going through all five stages of grief at once, and at some point i arrived at "no that can't be right" because Cellbit is a good writer. and to deliberately construct a scenario where it would be VERY hard for a character to survive while still in the middle of the story? yeah. and yknow the fact that there's still 6 other episodes fhdsjk. (then again the series continues regardless if a character dies and i haven't looked at other episodes' thumbnails or anything like that for this exact reason. so. i was going in as blind as i could reasonably be.)

in any case, realizing and connecting all of this and then hearing the "Hotelier" start yelling at Joui right after Liz died explicitly blaming him for it sealed it for me: this is a trick of some sort. this is a dream sequence of some sort. these aren't real deaths. (a smaller part of me was still scared that they were real because i know that Cellbit does not shy away from killing off his players' characters, if op and opq are anything to go by. but i digress.)

and then the characters turned to black goo. and i just about threw my computer. rip Luba who got absolutely targeted by the GM lmfao.

anyway uhhh that's about it regarding the dream sequence! loving luzidius!joui and how he just keeps switching back and forth. ((and it further supports my little side-theory that the mysterious blond woman last seen with Team Kelvin was a luzidious we win these.)) i was surprised to see Liz thinking it was so cool when she's been so suspicious of everything in Santo Berco since she got here, but i think she could definitely be using it as a distraction from what she just went through, and honestly she's just happy to see Joui is okay. (the way she gave on up words and just hugged him, the way she held his face in her hands, the way she dragged him down the hall to show Thiago and Thiago was just telling her to fuck off (/aff) because he was getting dressed, my heartttt i love these three, mentor-mentee dynamics my fucking beloved)

also new outfits! sweet! istg the new outfits are so Cellbit's way of apologizing for putting his friends through that. "hey sorry i killed your character in the most emotionally devastating way possible it will happen again wOAH LOOK AT THESE NEW CLOTHES AREN'T THEY SO COOL YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON!!!"

i've been having mixed feelings about the sudden setting/genre change since the group arrived in Santo Berco. i really, really loved the urban horror-fantasy vibe that they had going on in op and the first 8 eps of osnf, but evidently, this is good as well. the genre is most definitely still horror yippee. i definitely miss the urban-modern setting, but i think i can get adjusted to this. (i'm just,,, not the biggest fan of the auto-heal crystals im sorry i had to say it they feel too op i know their use is limited to visiting the doctor but knowing they exist lowers the in-world stakes for me im sorry---)

anyway, ep 10! you beautiful monster! i have been typing for an hour! i need to go eat food! k bye!

[demonboyhalo]

The lines from this speech hit so hard - "IM A PERSON" will always make me side with Techno

LOYALTY