#the woman was interesting but the main guy character was infuriating

[artemismatchalatte]

I didn't go online at all yesterday. I self-designated a reading day and finished a book for class (The Good Solider) and one book on my owned TBR (Convenience Store Woman). It bothered me that I didn't have any books done yet for this year. I'm in the middle of three others, with a mind to start maybe one or two more, but still, it feels like very slow going.

[science-lings]

okay this has been going through my mind for days and I have to get my thoughts out before I explode

Disclaimer, this is not talking about a specific artist/person and would never condone or participate in anon hate or online bullying for any reason but especially this one. 

I get why people are mad about Link being portrayed as this buff, hypermasculine, tall guy. I am too (again don’t fucking attack people over it though) and it seems like such an infuriating way to change the character just to fit into some ideal of hypermasculine attractiveness or to make a ship fall into a more hetero lense by making him a decent foot taller than whatever girl he’s being paired with. 

The world of video games and action movies and every form of media ever is extremely saturated with male characters that are swole and manly and whatever other descriptors people are trying to push onto Link that don’t fit into his actual character. There are so many characters out there that already fit this male standard and having a clearly androgynous elf guy was like a breath of fresh air. 

Link was literally designed to be a character whose lines on gender were blurred, ‘a girl with a masculine touch or a guy with a feminine touch’ so that anyone could project themselves onto him. His physical design in botw/totk was specifically made to be feminine enough to wear a certain outfit to pass as a woman (which includes a nearly mandatory cutscene where he puts on the clothes and blushes after being called pretty, like you have to be blind to think that its an experience that he doesn’t like at all) and in totk there are a bunch of outfits made for Link that are blatantly gnc, ones that are practically dresses, include nail polish and lipstick, you can even dye his hair bright and vivid colors and that’s half way to giving him new pronouns. The whole reason Linkle isn’t included in more mainline loz games was because her existence would force Link into a gender dichotomy, if there's a clearly female version of the main hero, that means the main hero has to be a man, and they would rather abandon a potential reoccurring character than make Link conform to a gender binary. 

So pardon me when it feels disingenuous and even malicious for him to be morphed into these clear masculine ideals, where he towers over any female romantic partner (even when in canon he is regularly depicted as noticeably shorter than her) or even in m/m fanworks he’s really beefed up, perhaps to make the scene feel more gay or something. 

Perhaps it’s because his more twink-y/ femboy body type is so heavily sexualized (though obviously when people are sculping abs on him it’s totally not because they’re horny about it) and that’s an issue in itself that bothers me. But it’s just so tiring to see one of the very few popular main characters who is short and feminine and androgynous be molded into just another bland muscle-headed action hero over and over and over again. 

I’m not mad at the creators for portraying him differently than how I like him portrayed, I’m mad because we really do get so few characters like him in good popular media, and to be honest, I really like him the way that he is. I love that he’s tiny and has long hair and has the option to dress any way the player likes. It seems a little distasteful to make him taller than a female love interest just because that’s how straight couples have to be, there’s just never been a real straight couple where the guy is shorter than the girl, that’s just Impossible! (/s) 

[councilman-horsemeat]

The Greatest Star Trek Characters, Ranked

I was recently reading a few articles ranking the various Star Trek characters and got really infuriated. I started punching my solid wood table until my fists were blooded and filled with splinter. Kirk, Spock, Picard- who gives a shit? There was no flavor, no spice to these lists. After taking a long walk and eating some meal, I decided I oughta make my own. Here it goes; In no particular order, so they're not actually ranked at all.

Sylvia Tilly Star Trek: Discovery is full of people whose lives have sucked, in a way which reflects their outlook on life. Some are hardened, some burdened, some both. Sylvia Tilly offers a delightful contrast to these characters. I’m not through the first season of Discovery yet, but I hope she and Michael Burnham become best friends forever.

Mobar (Fake Tuvok) Part of a criminal group that travels the Delta quadrant scamming various strangers through various schemes. Mobar and his friend Dala ended up acting as Tuvok and Janeway, fooling hapless aliens into joining the “Federation”, which meant little more than handing over their starships or cargo. Mobar ended up getting WAY into character, oftentimes chastising his fellow criminals for not adhering to Starfleet protocols. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to make him not a criminal, and in the end he went down like a chump. RIP to a legend. I don’t think he died but whatever.

Dax (Jadzia, Ezri and Curzon/Odo) Jadzia Dax, our first true look into what trill really are. The fusion of Jadzia and Dax created a woman with wisdom far beyond her years, enough to make her approach life in a very confident, laid-back way. This, along with her highly analytical mind and charm, would have made her a perfect ship’s captain. Gone too soon.

On the other hand, I really liked Ezri Dax too. I’m conflicted, because seeing what it’s like for an unprepared, naive trill to be joined (despite never training to) was really interesting, and I even wish we got more than just the one season with her- but I also wish Jadzia could have been around for the finale.

When they were temporarily joined in a trill ritual, Curzon brought a certain down-in-the-dirt, slob attitude to the usually uptight Odo. I really liked him. He could have been less of a pervert.

Bearded Geordi LaForge Beautiful. Majestic. Just a touch of rogueish charm. Too bad he only had it for two episodes and like some movies or whatever.

Mirror Sarek I understand WHY he has a goatee. They needed to make him visually distinct from normal Sarek and it’s an homage to mirror Spock from way back when. The problem is that the homage only works if you didn’t already think mirror Spock’s goatee is funny as hell. They also call him the prophet for some reason. All in all a weird guy, which means I like him.

Neelix He brought a genuine heart of gold to the crew of the voyager when they needed it the most. A rock, a true friend and a shoulder to lean on. His friendship with Tuvok allowed him to occasionally bring out a different side of the indomitable vulcan. I also liked that his eye color randomly changed with no in-show explanation.

T’pring Spock’s almost-wife T’pring probably has the quickest turnaround from “WTF why is she so needlessly brutal” to “she’s a genius and she’s so logical” of any Star Trek character. She will always have my respect.

Sela It’s just really funny to me that she had all that buildup on top of already being the return of a written-off main character’s actor. And then like, nothing happened.

Kai Winn Opaka There’s something so incredibly about Louise Fletcher’s performance as Kai Winn in the later seasons that I sometimes have a hard time putting into words. She just captures the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, but also absolutely desparate character in such a captivating way- while also maintaining this underlying confidence and power.

“Klingon Chef” Deep Space Nine’s resident Klingon chef/opera singer showed a side of Klingon culture we don’t often see - the civilian side. He truly made the most of his few appearances, and I will always love him for it.

Seven of Nine (Possessed) Maybe it’s because of Seven’s usually stoic, reserved demeanour, but seeing Jeri Ryan take on the exaggerated personalities of a Klingon warrior, a Ferengi DaiMon, and the EMH of the USS Voyager amongst others, was one hell of a lot of fun. Enough fun to end up on this list! Unfortunately, not enough for that Oscar nom. Next time!

Dr. Michael Dingo Dingo’s brief stint as nurse aboard the Enterprise-D established him as little more than a grumpy old man, but he really shone after his promotion to main cast member and CMO of the USS Pioneer. His usual snarky personality being torn down upon meeting his long-believed-to-be-dead wife went down as one of my favorite moments in all of Star Trek. His refusal to poison the crew on behalf of his madly sick captain gave me goosebumps.

Lwaxana Troi She started out as no more than “Deanna Troi’s Annoying Mom” but evolved into so much more across her many appearances. Absolutely wonderfully played by Majel Barrett, the writers explore many facets of sorrow, motherhood, and what it means to grow old. I also believe that she should have ended up with Odo instead of Nerys, but whatev.

Falow The leader of the Wadi, a gamma quadrant species that value various types of games above all else. He and his entourage visit Deep Space Nine and end up throwing the main cast INTO a highly-advanced video game where they think they’ll actually die, but it’s actually just a game. What I like most is that he truly looks like the Most Advanced Gamer. If I was a highly advanced space-gamer this is what I would want to look like.

Riker Picard’s number one actually features on a lot of these lists. They usually list his loyalty or how cool he is or whatever. I’m mostly interested in his absolutely off-the-charts adventurous spirit. He was the first starfleet officer to serve aboard a klingon ship and was GLAD to eat gagh. When he learned that a trill symbiont needed a new host he practically jumped at the chance, despite the fact that no human had ever hosted a trill symbiont before. And he had absolutely no shame in wearing his slutty outfit in ‘Angel One’. There’s many similarities between Riker and Kirk, but Kirk would never have worn it so proudly.

Horny/drunk-ish Picard Patrick Stewart’s performance as a pseudo-drunk and very horny Jean-Luc Picard in The Naked Now has seared itself into my mind forever. It’s like he’s screaming, but also whispering, and sort of putting on an accent? Deciding just how to portray the usually stoic captain so completely out of his element must have been quite the challenge, and Patrick Stewart ended up making some very inspired choices.

Alyssa Ogawa She may not have done much more than help out in medbay every now and then, but the conversations between her and Crusher were the first to show that the main crew actually DO have friends outside the “inner circle”. Does that truly earn her a spot on a list of the greatest Star Trek characters of all time? Probably not but I don’t really care and neither should you.

Grand Nagus Zek Every time he got more screentime I remembered how much I loved his dumbass voice. His shrill bleating is hilarious, and every time he shows up I can’t wait to find out what his latest scheme is. His behavior towards women is regrettable, but that’s true for a lot of Star Trek men and unlike most of them, Zek actually sort-of changes.

Ishka And who is Zek without Rom and Quark’s moogie Ishka? Despite the usual underestimatable Ferengi personality traits, I genuinely believe Ishka could have one of the highest power levels in all of Star Trek canon. Women not even having the right to wear clothes has been a part of Ferengi culture for centuries and she managed to turn it around COMPLETELY in a handful of years. If she put her mind to it, I genuinely believe she could have brokered peace between the Cardassians and Bajorans, and that’s on the prophets.

Jae Yeah, I got a bit of a crush on this frankly random Enterprise-D crewmember. I think she’s friends with Picard? She sat next to him at a poetry reading once. I’m not sure if she even had any speaking lines.

[orangepanic]

50 Random Character Asks: Asami Sato

You're lucky I love her.

1. Canon I outright reject

That she and Korra are soulmates. I think that was in a comic? Anyway no, after a few months of trying out a relationship in their early 20s they realize they want different things and break up more or less amicably.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Asami is actually bad at stuff! She's not perfect at everything all the time!

3. Obscure headcanon

As fearless and caring as she is Asami is also a bit squeamish and is not great with sick people because she's a sympathy vomiter.

4. Favorite line

"Why would there be fence posts but no fence?" Girl for a genius you were so close.

5. Best personality trait

Selfless without being a doormat.

6. Worst personality trait

Gets angry when she's hurt instead of admitting how she really feels.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon

She's 18-22 in canon, 5'9", 140lbs or thereabouts mostly because she's tall and all muscle.

8. Unpopular opinion about them

She's interesting and loveable all by herself without being Korra's girlfriend. She went four seasons without dating Korra but most of the fandom is only interested in her as part of a pairing that wasn't even in the original material. If you ever look up "facts about Asami" more than half of it is about her dating Korra. It's infuriating. She's a person on her own! I hate that the franchise and the fandom have reduced her to the "and girlfriend" tag along of the main character when she has so much to give just as herself.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Her standing up to her dad in The Aftermath. As someone who also idolized a dad who turned out to be a misguided asshole I can tell you that shit is hard. She should get a medal and a hug.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

I love everything about this.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Arden Cho

12. Crack headcanon

Asami is a slob. She might look put together but her house is a mess and she's always losing stuff amid the jumble of things in her handbag. She grew up with a cleaning service and it shows.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Trying to get with Mako again in Book 2. No. What were you thinking? You're so awesome, go find somebody, anybody who isn't the guy who ghost-dumped you for his "friend" six months ago! (eh HEM I even have a suggestion)

14. Most heroic moment

I was going to say standing up to her father in B1 or flying a biplane in combat conditions in B2 or kicking people in the face on top of a moving train or flying a basically untested piece of mecha onto a robot colossus, but I actually think it's this:

It's really hard to forgive someone.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

Nothing, Asami has never done anything wrong in her life and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

kissing Mako in B2

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

Asami is scared that she won't know how to be a mother when the time comes because she didn't really have one. Her dad mostly had staff to do the childcare parts of being a father but she doesn't want that for her family. Asami does want kids, she's pretty sure, but she never quite knows what to do with them and has no idea how she'll balance that with her own interests and ambitions. She's not interested in a stay at home role and finds herself attracted to people who are also as ambitious and dedicated to their interests as she is. She looks at people like Pema or even Korra who seem like such natural moms and then at people like Lin who are all about their career and doesn't see herself in any of them. Asami is desperate for a role model of a strong career woman with a loving family who can tell her how to have it all. Izumi

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

Having her mother murdered at home. Having her father and idol try to kill her before being sent to prison for treason for funding and then leading an effort to overthrow the government right under her nose, then being murdered after she decides to try to forgive him and have a relationship again. Always coming in second place after the thing the person she loves loves more than her, and always being relied upon to put her own needs aside for the greater good. Being treated as a hot chick by everyone who meets her but rarely engaged intellectually. Asami Sato, half ATM, half meat slab.

I think Asami needs a lot of therapy tbh.

19. Vices/bad habits

She drinks too much when she's sad.

20. Scars

One on her collarbone from when she broke it riding her motorbike at 16.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

I think she'd be into flavored fizzy waters.

22. Best physical feature

Um, all of her? Have you seen this girl? But if you ask her she'd say her hair.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Lavender and engine oil.

24. Most annoying habit

She chews on the ends of pens whether they're her pens or not.

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

Utility knife, a bunch of snacks, duct tape. She'd be fine.

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

It doesn't matter who she's stuck with because she fixes the elevator.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Sneaking chocolate into the spa so she can eat it while soaking in the hot pool.

28. How they feel about [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

Can't answer this without a victim but Asami generally likes anyone unless they've crossed her, in which case watch the fuck out.

29. Eating habits

Asami cannot cook to save her life but generally tries to keep it healthy, which means a combination of salads, instant soup, and takeout. These are all things she can make. She finds it weird to keep a cook just for herself. Once she's married she happily lets her partner or hired help do the cooking.

30. Sleeping habits

Night owl, heavy sleeper, stomach sleeper under a big pile of blankets. Her partner sometimes checks to make sure she's still breathing.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

Just pictures of hot cars and the occasional Taylor Swift quote. I think she's more of a gamer geek than a fandom geek.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

Asami's feet are quite ticklish. Tickle her feet and she'll laugh whether she wants to or not.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

Being dumped.

34. How they react when they are feeling X emotion (sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.—can specify as many as you like)

For a very social person Asami saves her strongest emotions for more private moments. She gets a big smile and will do group hugs when she's excited but in canon we almost always see her turning away or leaving the room when she's upset or scared rather than seeking comfort. The only exception I think is in book 1 where she opens up to Mako about her mom. So I think if she was in a loving relationship she might get a cuddle if she's sad.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

At the beach with a group of close friends, alternating between swimming, games, and sitting under an umbrella with her sketch pad and a pretty little fruity drink. At some point there are massages. She magically doesn't get sunburned. She ends the day tired and happy and feeling loved and relaxed.

36. Their favorite season

Summer. It's the best season for racing and cute outfits.

37. What they really think about themselves

Asami knows that she's pretty and smart and successful. There's no false modesty there. But sometimes she wonders if that will ever be enough for someone or if there's something wrong with her because she keeps being left behind all the same. It takes a lot of steady unflinching love to get her over that final insecurity.

38. Favorite holiday

All of them! Asami loves holidays and celebrations of all kinds. Especially the ones that come with cookies.

39. Favorite game

Assuming auto racing is not a game, kuai ball. She would have said pai sho but she beats most opponents so fast that the only people she really enjoys playing with are Commander Bumi and General Iroh. She and Bumi have a standing game the first Sunday of the month right up until his death.

40. Favorite book

Asami doesn't have a single favorite book and rarely re-reads, but she's very partial to the kind of edge-of-your-seat gory sci-fi thriller that usually involves a lot of people being eaten. I also peg her as a horror movie fan; the more ridiculous and bloody the better.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?

The easy answer is her mom. Barring that, everyone tells her she would have loved Sokka so I think she'd be curious to meet him.

42. 3 comfort items

Warm food, warm blankets, and the smell of her workshop.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

Love: sesame sticks, pork and chive dumplings, pistachio ice cream. Despise: Gommu's street gruel, tomato carrots, anything served with the head still on it.

44. Their happiest memory

Asami still vividly remembers her first pro-bending championship game. Her team won and she screamed herself hoarse before going to get victory ice cream with her friends.

45. Their favorite celebrity

Korra

46. The person they most admire

I think she'd really admire female world leaders like Suyin or Firelord Izumi. Maybe even Kuvira up until she decided not to step down.

47. Their dream job

Stock car racer or pro-bender.

48. Scariest moment of their life

Being ejected from the hummingbird suit.

49. Favorite toy as a child

She had a doll named Yina who she took everywhere. Yina wasn't her baby but rather her pretend sister.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Asami was home when her mother was killed. She called the police using the number her parents had shown her but she doesn't remember it.

50 Character Asks

[kateknowsdramas]

The Interest of Love and why it works...

This one is a drama I wasn’t quite sure I was going to like. It’s a slow, deliberate slice of life drama. Sometimes, those dramas just don’t quite come together enough to keep me interested (hello Chocolate anyone?). But this one...oh, boy it works.

The female lead is one of the best I’ve seen in a drama. Moon Ga Young is fantastic in this role. From the first episodes, we are shown how hard she struggles to be taken seriously by her coworkers. They see her only as the token beautiful woman and because she doesn’t have a college degree they look down on her. Though she’s played her part and been dragged along to company meetings so she could serve alcohol to clients, she does stand up for herself. That said, she’s flawed and makes choices that infuriate the audience. 

The characters are all flawed and realistic. There aren’t any overt heroes and villains in this story. Every character has a motivation and reason for what they do. Sure, some of the side characters in the bank serve as our bad guys/gals to an extent but they’re a realistic portrayal of sleazebags in any office setting. Our main leads all make choices out of self preservation and fear.  You will root for them and then curse at the screen because of what they choose to do. 

There’s no over the top, makjang shenanigans. There are rich/poor conflicts but they are portrayed in a genuine way. There aren’t any kimchi slaps - just a lot of pointed comments about class differences and what makes someone worthy of success.  One of the most potent storylines in the drama is how Mi Gyeong (our rich female lead) tries to shower Sang Su with gifts. To her, it’s a sign of affection - her father gave her everything she wanted and it’s easy for her to just buy a car to replace Sang Su’s old one. To Sang Su, it’s disrespectful, overbearing and highlights their class difference. But at the same time, Su Yeong gives Jong-Hyeon money for his father’s surgery and provides him housing so he can study. This isn’t an overt sign of wealth, but she’s doing the same thing to Jong Hyeon that Mi Gyeong is doing to Sang Su. 

The story keeps moving forward. There are some parts that are slower than others, but I don’t fast forward as I do with some dramas. Each episode presents something new for the characters and keeps up the momentum.

I genuinely don’t know how it’s going to end. I think we will get a happy ending with our main couple. But, honestly, I’m not sure. And, surprisingly, I would be okay with that type of ending as long as they continue with this character growth. This is a show that is focused on telling a story of people and how they navigate obstacles in their lives. 

PINING. If you love characters pining for each other this is the show for you. 

I really recommend this show for how well it tells the story of these characters. I am very invested in all of them and love how well the show is crafted.  

[thenajwanimri]

I've just finished watching Berlin

and I liked it more than I thought I will, so I will rant a bit. What is this show even about?

Heists? Checked. But it is not exactly about a well elaborated heist like LCDP. Those who start watching it expecting specifically that will probably be disappointed. The heist is pretty much just a setting where the characters and their traumatic romantic experiences exist…. Which, surprisingly, wasn't as bad as it sounds written like this.

Romance? Checked. This show is a bit like a commentary about the various faces of romantic love and it did it pretty well imo. And this comes from someone who in general dislikes blatant cheesyness. The only part which annoyed me was that a certain woman proves to be far too doe eyed even at the end of the story when she should have been raging… uhm… similarly to a certain other woman who kind of did the same through the whole of LCDP, so… yeah, let's don't get hung up on this.

Problematic main character? Checked. Initially I was sceptical about this spinoff. Although, I can understand why they probably chose Berlin. Pedro Alonso makes a good lead. Although his character is not doing too much leading in the series… And Berlin was both appealing and problematic, which is a good mix for a show. In this series though, he is only problematic… and very annoying. He was such a narcissistic, insensitive, asshole even in his "golden days" that I was actually cheering for the police to catch him, and throw him into jail. Don't get me wrong, I like the problematic characters, Zulema Zahir ended up being one of my favorites, and I liked her character even more after her spinoff, but it's the exact opposite with Berlin. (Nothing against Pedro Alonso, again, he does his job well.) And that's the point probably, to call him out on his bullsht, but the guy is still infuriating. Even if I'd watch another season with him.

Interesting people in the team? Checked. This was actually a nice surprise, which I didn't expect at all. In contrast with Berlin himself, I liked all the new characters! I might even say that more than most of the team members in LCDP.

Capable inspectors to put up with the team? Checked. (Ok, we all know who wins this cat and mouse game, so that's not even the point.) BUT they have so little screentime! When we found out that Najwa Nimri will be in the series too, and especially when they used her and Itziar Ituno to promote the show my enthusiasm for it grew exponentially. And then I felt let down. I would have loved to see Najwa in a lot more episodes than the two we got with her… This is the biggest negative aspect which I can complain about. But if I am honest, I would have preferred an Alicia+Berlin or Alicia+Raquel backstory as a spinoff, but that's another thing. (Unlike Camille, Alicia would have kicked Berlin's a** for sure.) But I am glad that we at least had her, and Raquel too, in the series. I hope the creators of the show know that there are quite many people who ended up more interested in the series because these ladies made a brief appearance in it.

Pretty visuals and nice music? Checked. I loved the sunny Parisian/French scenario in the show.

I don't want to be too strict with this series, because I enjoyed it so complaining about it would be hypocritical. The only negative thing I'd emphasise again is: Not enough Alicia Sierra!

And they have to make another season just to make Andres interact with Alicia. I wanted that so much!

[batbeato]

i had the horrible realization that while on twitter i'd be too limited by horrific character limits to rant about this in a satisfactory way, here on tumblr? here, i am free.

no one can stop me from ranting about subahibi. no one. none of you understand how long i've been holding this in (two years. two. years.)

...subahibi spoilers and my rage-fueled criticism of it to follow.

so. subahibi. yeah. look, I think most people know it as "that one VN where the girl gets fucked by a dog" and you know. it is that VN. it's a denpa eroge, heavy emphasis on eroge, with a side of the usual (in)comprehensible denpa rambling about the meaning of life love the universe everything with references ranging from Satie to Cyrano. it also vaguely ties into some other game by the same studio by virtue of local cryptid girl who is never explained in subahibi. classic.

now, I have nothing against the genre. I actually really like CROSS CHANNEL, another denpa eroge. most of the eroge parts don't interest me in CC but they're tolerable, sometimes hold plot relevance, and while the VN itself sometimes goes into absurdity and becomes laughable when it's trying to be sincere, it does try its best and has interesting elements, if underutilized. Some elements are utilized incredibly well, too!

however. subahibi is one of the worst VNs I've ever read, checking off all the boxes of:

horrific failure at depicting mental illness (the fantastical depiction of DID bears little resemblance to the actual condition. if it was confirmed to be spiritual possession, it might be different, but the VN does its best to act as though it's "unclear")

sex scenes clearly there for gratuity that drag on (yes, I know it's an eroge. there was no need to have an entire sex scene devoted to a random teacher raping her father. she wasn't even a main character.)

transphobia that goes from the usual subtle gender essentialism to so blatant it's horrific (the f slur, Mamiya being insulted by the 'good' protagonist for his femininity and forced crossdressing)

boring brocon brother/sister incest.

the VN does have some interesting components. I think the idea of someone taking on Zakuro's name to get revenge for her, but they're actually a very fucked up person who never really know her? interesting. the way the story is told from these varying unreliable narrators? interesting. the idea of taking a plural character and telling the same story/time period with the different alters' perspectives? again, interesting.

however, it completely fails to make use of any of these interesting components, especially with its depiction of DID being so bad that I wonder if anyone working on Subahibi had so much as met someone with any degree of disassociation in their lives, ever. also the rejection of mental health professionals as being capable of helping. it all comes across as some chuuni author insisting that the only way to reach happiness and mental wellness is to stick your dick in something and beat up bad guys.

I see people talking about how unique and deep Subahibi is, praising it as a great piece of media, and while I do think that, yes, it is interesting, it's more interesting when you realize that it's a flaming trashfire product of its time and its writers, with a moral message so flimsy that an infant could break it in half.

You see, it's not the pieces of media so irredeemably bad that they have nothing new to them that really make them stick in my brain for me to absolutely despise. It's the pieces of media that have just enough interesting elements to grab my interest, then vomit in my face. Subahibi is infuriating to me because it was such an awful read when it could have been a great one. It's infuriating to me because I thought I was going to read either something really amazing or something laughably bad that had a girl getting fucked by a dog. I got something infuriatingly bad that had a woman pissing on the street.

...Yeah. I could go on for days about the details of subahibi's failure to respectfully depict mental illness or DID, but......

[eolewyn1010]

Dragging Frankenstein - Chapter 14

More exposition about people that are not of interest! Yay!

The Turkish merchant was the cause of everyone’s ruin, of course. I should have started a racism counter back in the prologue, oh well.

How are you “accidentally present at a trial”? Just stumbled into the courtroom, Your Honor, didn’t mean to!

“that the captive possessed a treasure which would fully reward his toil and hazard”??? So, not only does Felix view his fiancée as possession, he only helped her father in the first place because he reckoned he’d be given her as a present. For fuck’s sake.

Also, did Safie actually fall for “some guy who randomly wants to help my father” or did she feed his interest in her with love letters to ensure her family’s survival? Bc that might actually make for some interesting characterization of a woman in this book. We can’t have that!

Wait a minute, if Safie is a Turkish merchant’s daughter, why does Felix keep calling her “Arabian”?

Safie was taught “an independence of spirit, forbidden to the female followers of Mohammed”. Considering how the women in this book are all basically sheep at the beck and call of Their Men, this is either very funny or infuriating.

“allowed to only occupy herself with infantile amusements” …see above. Didn’t Elizabeth call her own occupations “trifling”?

“the prospect of marrying a Christian” – yeah, sure, that’s the peak of striving for virtue and grand ideas for a woman.

“sang to him the divine airs of her native country” – this reminds me of the tourism advertisement for every Muslim country ever, when they introduce the exoticism of the country with shots of the desert, with a veiled woman staring at the camera soulfully while some Arabian-ish song gets wailed in the background. Orientalism whomst?

“The Turk allowed this intimacy to take place” o.O Did… did Felix and Safie already get to consummate their bond?

“the treacherous Turk” – here we go again, with a nice lil’ alliteration so the stereotype sticks.

“Such were the events that preyed on the heart of Felix, and rendered him the most miserable of his family” -.- Felix gets IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: 14

I don’t care that this story isn’t about him; this is the EXACT same bullshit Victor pulls – everyone else suffers bc of his stupidities, but HE is the one who suffers the most because, alas, the weight of a conscience! Twat.

Random girl dies to add to the tragedy of Safie’s situation – but who cares, was only a servant anyway!

And now she can live in poverty and disgrace with the bunch of them. Cool.

The Creature is only half-done talking about them, and I wanna trash-talk Victor some more…

For my complaints about how the female characters are all the same, there's not too much variety among the male characters either. There's either Victor and his copies (his similarity to the Creature is one of the main points of the book, and Walton and Felix are, while less focused-on by the narrative, the same type of self-important, whiny, extolled-by-themselves-and-others, snooty egotists), or Victor's sycophants (his father, his brother, the magistrates, his professor and, yes, even sweet Henry).

[mildew-mop]

OK BUT THE WHOLE FUCKING FIRST ACT, THE OLD WOMAN IS CRYPTIC AS FUCK, AND THEY SPEND SO FUCKING LONG TEASING THIS REVEAL AND ITS SO FUCKING INFURIATING. ITS LIKE ENDLESS CONVERSATIONS OF THE MOST BORING ASS GENERIC SHIT WHERE EVERYONE IS BEING AS VAGUE AS POSSIBLE. AND THEN WHEN THEY FUCKING REVEAL WHAT SHE IS HIDING, IT IS THE MOST BORING FUCKING GENERIC SHIT YOU HAVE EVER FUCKING HEARD. YOU CAN SUMMARIZE ALL RELEVANT INFORMATION IN LIKE A PARAGRAPH. THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKING BORING. IT TOYS WITH THE IDEA THAT INTERESTING THINGS COULD POTENTIALLY EXIST IN SOME REALITY BUT NO. YOU ARE IN THE REALITY WHERE THIS FUCKING MOVIE EXIST. THIS FUCKING ABSOLUTELY GARBAGE PIECE OF SHIT. I WILL GIVE THIS MOVIE CREDIT THAT THERE ARE LIKE MAYBE A HANDFUL OF SCENES OR MOMENTS WHERE THEY TOLD A FUNNY JOKE OR THERE WAS A COOL FIGHT BUT FOR THE MOST PART I WAS THINKING ABOUT BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL. THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKING SHITTY AND STUPID AND I FUCKING HATE IT. THE FUCKING STUPID HEAD MAN THING. I HATED THAT. I WOULD NOT HAVE HATED IT IF IT WASN'T SO BLAND AND STUPID. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS GUY? ALSO THE VILLAIN SUCKED. EVERYTHING WAA SO FUCKING VAGUE. HES A VAGUE MEANACING MAN WITH EYE SCARS. WHO GIVES A FUCK?? I DON'T. HE'S FUCKING BORING. WHY NOT GIVE HIM A FUCKING PERSONALITY. HIS SCREEN TIME HAS HIM TALK SLOW BECAUSE HE HAS NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY. ALSO THIS MOVIE LOOKS LIKE SHIT. FUCKING FREE VIDEOS MADE BY CHILDREN ON TIKTOK LOOK BETTER THAN THIS SHIT. FUCK YOU FUCKING CAPITALISM WITH YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT. FUCK HOLLYWOOD. FUCK DISNEY. FUCK MARVEL. FUCK ALL OF IT. FUCK THE LACK OF UNIONS FOR SPECIAL EFFECTS ARTISTS. FUCK THAT. THIS FUCKING MOVIE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE MAIN REASON WHY UNIONS ARE A GOOD REASON BUT I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE SELFISH REASONS FOR LIKING THINGS. I LIKE ANT MAN. I LIKED THE FIRST TWO MOVIES. SURE THEY WEREN'T GREAT BUT AT LEAST THEY HAD FUCKING STORIES. THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT A FUCKING MUFFUGGIN GETTING EXPLODED AND UNEXPLODED OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WHY?? BASICALLY NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE AND FUCKING PAUL RUDD IS OVER HERE LOOKING LIKE HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. HIS MOTIVATION THE WHOLE MOVIE THAT HE HAS A DAUGHTER?? OK I'M BORED. AT LEAST FUCKING GIVE THE CHILD MORE OF A PERSONALITY THAN "I AM CLEVER" IM SO BORED. IT WAS SO BORING. LIKE COME ON. WHY NOT JUST GIVE THEM MORE OF A DYNAMIC. PUT PERSONALITY INTO THE FUCKING CHARACTERS. ITS LIKE WATCHING A CHILD PLAY WITH DOLLS. "OK NOW THE OLD WOMAN IS MYSTERIOUS AND SHE DOES A THING. WHAT THING? I DUNNO JUST WAIT. OK BUT WHAT IS THE THING? UMM. SHE DID THIS. OK... WHY DID SHE HIDE THIS? UMM.. NOW A THING HAPPENED. WHAT? IT EXPLODED. IT WHAT? IT UNEXPLODED. AGAIN? YEAN AGAIN AND AGAIN. WHAT? ALSO A HEAD MAN. WHAT THE FUCK IS A - OH GOD WHY WAS THAT ANIMATED?" I HATE THIS MOVIE. IT IS SO BAD. IT IS SO FUCKING BAD. I WAS THINKING ABOUT SEEING BLACK PANTHER BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WALKING OUT THINKING IT WAS THE COOLEST SHIT CAUSE THE EFFECTS LOOKED SO GOOD. I REMEMBER BEING IN AWE OF THE ACTION AND BEING EXCITED AND SHIT. THIS MOVIE WAS THE OPPOSITE OF THAT AND I HATED IT

[kayura-sanada]

Oh yeah, some sections of this fandom LOVE to hurl abuse at Anders, who's trying to change things and then heap praise on Vivienne who's really only in it for herself and doesn't care who she has to step on to obtain more power and prestige. I wouldn't say I enjoy the way the narrative destroys any mage who goes against the Chantry as that would be a lie on my part, it actually feels like the narrative just disregards quite a lot of the more pro mage choices, at least to me. Particularly DA:I.

Mm. Tumblr was in its heyday when DA:I came out, and Tumblr is a place where fandom has collectively come together to dwindle everything in the universe down to simple, black-and-white cardboard cutouts. With a world and story that's very complex, Dragon Age as a whole was bound to crash and burn in such a fandom. It's no longer a matter of complexity and moral ambiguity, but a question of good and evil, right and wrong. To me, that's both infinitely infuriating - use your brains, for god's sake - and infinitely interesting. Since, you know, the Chantry also pushes a right-wrong, good-evil narrative. Oftentimes it feels like real people in our real world have fallen for this same simple narrative, though their opinions on who and what falls on which side may differ a bit from the Chantry's.

When it comes to Anders, he's evil because he killed innocent people in a terrorist attack. Which is weird, because most of fandom hates the Chantry and how mages are treated? Yet they believe change will come through negotiation? Honestly, I think these people who hate Anders are still in the mindset I was when I first played DA2 - these things I hate about the Chantry and the Circle and Kirkwall will all magically be fixed because I'm the main character in a video game. But in reality, it never works like that. Every country gained its freedom from monarchy with revolution. Slavery only ended after a war (and even then only in part). Corrupt leadership only dies when the leaders die, and innocent people will always die, too. "Gone With the Wind" is a classic for a reason.

To me, revolution is always bloody and messy and cruel, just as much as it is necessary. But in the world of good-evil, anyone who kills innocents (on-screen) is a bad guy. Period.

Vivienne, however, is different! Because the innocent man she sent to his death made a racist remark, which deserves death, apparently. (And with the good-evil crowd, such over-the-top violence is often lauded.) And since Vivienne hides behind elegance and cleverness, her careless cruelty and dismissal of other people is either missed or ignored as 'girlboss, take no shit from no man' behavior.

Or at least, I hope it's this and not the usual 'she's a powerful black woman so we love her' thing that fails to look at the character and only looks at her body. There's reasons I love the new Spider-Man MJ and hate Vivienne, and shockingly none have anything to do with their looks.

And on the point of pro-mage choices being thrown out the window, nonny, I'm afraid we're gonna have to disagree on this. The first Dragon Age showed me the cruelty of the templars and the Circle the instant I was told I either saved the Grand Enchanter or every mage died, even if I killed all the blood mages and demons. I saved those mages' lives then. DA: Awakening gave me the chance to befriend Anders against templars who would have seen him killed simply for being a free mage. DA2 gave me the chance to back Anders' revolution. DA:I let me give Fiona a leadership role outside of the Circle and let me bring back the College of Enchanters. It was the world and its anti-mage attitude that kept trying to set me back. But if the Hero of Ferelden hadn't befriended Anders and Justice, the revolution would never have happened. If my Inquisitor hadn't saved the mages of Redcliffe, they all would have been made slaves to Tevinter.

I love the efforts I've made because it feels difficult to induce change, and it comes through the two-steps-forward-one-step-back dance that is so common in history (we're watching it right now with our loss of abortion rights!). So this feels very real to me, that the changes I make seem unimportant and subtle and like they've barely made a ripple in how the world works. But my tiny efforts sparked a revolution. It made a giant portion of mages free. The world of Thedas may be fighting against these changes with everything it has, but they're happening, like it or not. We just have to keep pushing.

[nero-neptune]

Omg pls tell me your thoughts about barbarian

i meant to respond to this earlier, but after sleeping on it/thinking back on it, i actually really, really liked it! i was watching the movie with my sister and i remember pointing out early on how i had just watched a romcom with that exact same premise, where two strangers booked the same listing, just on different websites (it's called "love in the villa"). and it really emphasized how unnerving that scenario would be, being a woman staying in a random house with a random guy. and then, that twist!

at times, i found the main character So Frustrating, i was yelling at the screen, like? why are you still going down there? why are you still walking more creepy dark steps?? just go back upstairs??? (that frustration is also leveled at keith, bc maybe i'm just risk-averse, but in No World am i going exploring in a random house (forget about the stained bed with the camera and the bucket, just creepy dark stairs? like i would've turned around after seeing the first hidden hallway lol)

idk when i guessed it, but i remember saying "what if this is like that don't breathe movie, where that guy is just holding a woman down there?" and then. well!

the Massive tone shift in the middle was really jarring, but after a minute, it was okay bc i needed a breather lol. and then, it's just like, this guy, aj, is such a dick! it gets funny when he's measuring all the extra space in the house (despite the room with the stained bed with the camera and the bucket???) and the further he goes, it's all, you deserve to get killed, you're soooo dumb!

in a review, it suggested that the main character, tess, was probably missing for two weeks? bc aj was told that no one had been in the house for a "few weeks" which Majorly sucks for tess. and speaking of being down there, that tunnel system is Extensive. it was eerie seeing the purple light come from that room, which meant that someone else had to be down there. not to mention all those fucking cages and whatnot. and all the tapes, like, jesus christ.

the flashback to the 80s was pretty interesting, especially how it implied that the dad (great-however-many-granddad) had been Well into doing that shit. plus, how it showed white flight (though it makes me wonder how neighbors felt about that guy bc that man saying he was gonna leave the neigborhood soon didn't think it was weird he was wearing a uniform with the name carlos?). also, double-check that your windows are locked!

this movie said acab. the cops were Infuriating (either they already knew there was some fuckshit in that house, given the local rumors (the interview lady seemed weirded out by the mention of that neighborhood) or they just really didn't give a shit. both options suck)

at the end of the movie, my sister said "that made me wanna cry" bc she felt bad for mother. and tbh, so do i. her life was incredibly unfair. she never had a chance. and despite it all, she was still trying to take care of tess in whatever way she knew how (even if it was. yknow. fucked up). she wasn't even the Real monster of this movie. it was her father.

tess was tenacious as hell, for better and for worse. she didn't Have to keep going. earlier in the movie, she says "guys get to blast their way through life making messes. girls have to be careful" and it even plays out on screen, the way she's going slow, making observations, being careful, unlike keith and aj. and later, she says "i just need to stop going back. i keep going back" in reference to relationships. and that also plays out, bc she keeps. going. back. to. the. goddamn. house. and i can't fault her for that bc she's just a better person than me. but that wouldn't be me!

anyway, that's my (really long) review. i really liked it! i wish i'd watched it in the theater like i did with "nope"!

[woodrokiro]

Bar Service (fic)

Fandom: Bleach

Characters/Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: Bartenders--especially bartenders around the corner from her apartment--are strictly off limits. Restaurant AU. Written for @ichirukimonth . TW warning for mentioned child abuse. 

She doesn’t think much of the restaurant a few blocks away from her new apartment.

She always passes it to and from her work commute, of course. Maybe from time to time she glanced over, musing how it looks cute enough--a great place to take a date or some friends....

Before Rukia remembers: 1. She doesn’t have the time or capacity to date, and 2. She has no friends here yet… And probably won’t for a while, considering her lifelong difficulty making them in the first place. 

It’s fine by her, honestly. She likes throwing everything she has into her job, loves doing her best to earn a smile or laugh from her patients. That’s enough social interaction for her, and at the end of the day she can go home, pour a glass of wine, switch the television on to some silly drama and order takeout without mourning the “loss” of a Friday night.

So for the first few months that she’s living in Karakura: no. She doesn’t even think about stepping foot in Amore e Morte. 

Until she gets a particularly bad case at work. 

The fact that it was a foster child case alone makes her heart hurt--but of course, there’s always more with these sort of situations. 

A little girl named Hina, aged eight but looking so much smaller waiting there in her office. The social worker sitting with her--a woman named Rangiku, who Rukia knows a little and actually quite likes--squeezes Hina’s tiny hand before pulling Rukia to the side, quietly explaining the situation. 

Physical abuse from her former home where she had been for a year. Her teacher kept noticing bruises in odd places and finally called CPS, who did nothing for two months before the behavior escalated and Hina ended up in the ER.

Her new foster mom is a real nice lady, says she hasn’t been acting out or anything but… Rangiku shrugs, flashing a reassuring smile when the little girl looks their way. You know. 

She knows. 

So Rukia does what she does best: she goes to the little girl, introduces herself by her first name, and focuses on her work until she can sob angrily in her car at lunch break. 

And when her workday is done, when her emotions are fried and she’d really like a drink or three anywhere but her lonely apartment--she sees the restaurant’s sign, glowing warmly in the dusk light. 

Amore e Morte. Love and death. A weird name for a restaurant, she thinks, and wonders if the owners either don’t know Italian and thought the name was cool or are just uppity snobs. 

If you’d stop being so cynical you might go out and actually enjoy life. She can practically hear Renji’s voice scoffing in her ear now.

She parks her car at home before walking back over to the restaurant.

--

The outside of the restaurant is nice enough, but the inside is… Well. Lovely.

Brick walls painted white make the entire place look minimalist yet cozy. A couple of trendy paintings hanging sparsely through the restaurant makes the environment chic, but not overbearing. A few hanging lanterns bring just enough light to let everyone see where they’re going, but otherwise candles are utilized at each of the tables for a romantic touch.

Rukia sees by the sheer number of couples there that it is indeed a good place to bring a date.

And by the looks of one dish smelling deliciously of chicken and bell peppers that passes her by in a waiter’s hand, the food isn’t too bad either. Rukia’s mouth waters. 

“A table for one, miss?” 

Rukia startles from her musings, feeling rather silly as the bright and cheery hostess smiles patiently back. 

“Oh! No, I don’t think that’s necessary. I wouldn’t want to take up one of your tables. Do you have bar seating?”

“Of course! Right this way.” 

The hostess leads her into an adjacent room that sits tucked away from the main dining room. There’s still a couple of tables in this room, and two of the eight bar stools are occupied but it’s so much quieter here, the noise of the dining room a mere buzz. She breathes a small sigh of relief as she takes the stool at the far end. She wanted to be out and about, just… Not that out and about.

“Our bartender Kurosaki-kun will be taking care of you. I believe he’s just in the back talking to Chef, he should be right back.”

Rukia thanks her, taking a glance at the menu. 

She quickly finds out Chef Yasutora Sado’s menu inspiration is Mexican-Japanese fusion cuisine, which is… Interesting, considering the restaurant’s name is Italian. In any case, she’s fascinated. Rukia by no account considers herself a foodie, but the thought of blending traditional Japanese dishes with Mexican spices and turning them into something like sukiyaki tacos makes her stomach growl. 

“Can I get you something other than water to drink?”

Her gaze flickers from the menu to the well-toned arm extended out toward her, pouring a glass of water. Her eyes move up the arm to the man it’s attached to. 

A handsome guy, she’ll admit: if it wasn’t for the obviously bleached orange hair, the sword tattoo on his forearm peeking out from under his rolled sleeve, and the fact that he looked like he wanted to be literally anywhere else.

If she had to pick him out from a crowd, there’s no doubt she’d know him as a bartender. What a walking cliche. 

“Yes, I’ll take--” She didn’t even take a glance at the drink menu. She looks down quickly. “Sorry. Can I get a matcha mojito?” 

He nods, his hands suddenly flying through liquors and shakers and mixes to make her drink. “You ready for food, too?” 

“Any recommendations?” 

“Everything.”

She snorts. She’d be irritated by the subpar service if it wasn’t for his small smirk at her response. 

“Seriously, everything’s good here. If you get something you don’t like, drinks are on me.”

“Risky.” Rukia lifted an eyebrow. “You place that bet with every customer?”

“Every single one.” 

She highly doubts that, but she appreciates the trust in his workplace nonetheless. She orders a couple of small plates, and he tends to his other drink orders while she sips her own. 

The food, when it comes out, is… Infuriatingly good. Infuriating because she would have loved to have scored a couple free drinks off the arrogant punk bartender, but she’ll have to swallow her pride because the sukiyaki taco is absolute divinity. She sips her second drink, already accepting that she’s gonna have to admit to him she’ll be paying full price for everything she ordered.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like she’ll have a chance to gloat. From what she hears next door, dinner service has picked up and with that: drink orders. He’s doing as well as he can--hands expertly flying through the liquors, garnishing the cocktails with an expert flourish before passing them on to a server--but she can tell he’s feeling the stress, particularly when he reads his second to last ticket in the rush.

“Fuck,” she hears as he rolls his eyes, stalking over to the wine cabinet. A server comes by, concerned. 

“You need anything, Ichigo?”

He waves a hand, not turning to look at his coworker. “No, no I’m fine. Just annoying when I don't open a bottle before rush, that’s all.”

The server scuttles off to tend to her tables while Rukia watches him bang a (very expensive looking) wine bottle on the counter, clumsily ripping into the foil with an opener. At one point he cuts his thumb, and he half-hazardly wraps a paper napkin around it while he tries helplessly to pull the cork up. The wine opener doesn’t grip the bottle steadily a couple of times, she waits on baited breath to see if he’ll break the bottle. After a few dangerous-looking test runs, he manages to hoist the cork up, cursing out a “fucking finally” at the sound of the cork popping.

The whole thing must have taken ten minutes.

Maybe it’s the matcha mojitos finally hitting her, but she can’t help it. She laughs. 

He shoots her a wild look and she covers her chuckles with the back of her hand. 

“Sorry, sorry! I’m not--it’s not funny. I just… That was the most atrocious opening of a wine bottle I’ve ever seen.”

Ichigo stares for a moment before scoffing, turning back to his (finally opened) bottle and pours the wine into a glass. “Yeah, well… I don’t do wine service here, lady.”

“Excuse me? That’s ridiculous. You’re a bartender.”

“Exactly. Bartender. I do cocktails, not fancy wine stuff.”

“Let me guess, you consider yourself a mixologist.”

“Don’t ever call me that. Ever.” He’s shaking his head as he moves on to his next order, but oddly enough Rukia feels like she knows he’s suddenly having a good time. “Like I said, I don’t do wine etiquette and all that. That’s for the servers.”

“I’m just… It’s hard to believe you’ve made it this far in a nicer restaurant’s bar without knowing how to open wine.”

“Not that far. I’ve been here for like, six months.” He shrugs at her inquisitive stare. “Old buddies with the chef. I bar backed in college where he was a line cook, so… And if he ever got sick of me, my sister is his sous chef. Then again, she’s more likely to fire me than he is, the brat.”

“Especially with you not knowing how to open a fine vintage.”

“Get over it. When it’s not busy I get one of the servers to help me.” He looks down, having seemingly forgotten about his paper toweled thumb. “Shit. Hang on, I gotta get a bandaid from the back--”

“I have some, if you want.” Rukia starts digging through her purse. “If there’s not some restaurant code for the kind of bandage you’re supposed to use, of course.”

“If it looks neater than a shoddy paper towel job, ‘should be fine. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Here.” 

He stares at her outstretched hand. She stares back, getting more irritated as she waits. 

“What?”

“... It’s a Chappy bandaid.”

“So?”

“So why are you a grown ass woman carrying around Chappy bandaids?” 

“They’re for my patients, for kids.” She’s telling the truth, technically. To say she also quite enjoys Chappy as a character does not need to be mentioned. “Do you want it or not? Swallow your manly pride or go looking for an ugly beige bandage while your tickets pile up again. Tick tock.”

“Fine! All right, already.” He takes the bandaid and starts unpeeling the paper adhesive. “You a pediatrician or something?” 

“Child psychologist.” Suddenly Rukia remembers Hina’s sweet face and feels terrible for not thinking about her once this entire dinner. 

“Jesus.” Ichigo’s shaking his head, pressing Chappy to his cut.

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the guilt, maybe it’s the fact that it’s such a weird response to her revealing her profession, but Rukia can’t help it. She narrows her eyes and crosses her arms.

If he’s uncomfortable with her sudden hostility, he doesn’t show it. He shrugs. “It’s just… I can imagine it’s a hard job. Sometimes, anyway.” 

Oh. 

“Oh,” she exhales. “I’m sorry, I--yes. It can be, yes.I just… That sort of response I’ve only ever gotten from people that don’t believe in the importance of mental health. ‘Shrink talk’ and what have you.”

“Nah, I believe it.” He’s finished his job of covering his wound and moved on to his next drink order. 

She’s abashedly stirring the ice in her glass when she barely hears him say: “I had to go to a children’s therapist once, as a kid. Helped me a lot.”

She raises her head to look at him. He hasn’t changed his facial expression, nor is there any change to his body language as he continues to do his job--but as a psychologist, Rukia can’t help but wonder whether she’s the first person he’s ever told this to. 

“Me too. When I was a child, I… A therapist had helped me, too.” She raises her glass and clears her throat. “To recognizing childhood trauma, I suppose.”

He lets out a short laugh at the sudden dark joke, a sound so quick and so… So nice she can’t stop the fleeting thought that it’s a sound she’d like to hear more of. She shoves it away. 

Bartenders are absolutely off limits. 

He raises the glass that he’s mixing a cocktail in. “Yeah. Cheers.”

--

Later when she finally picks up the check, she pauses.

“Excuse me.” She waves Ichigo down, maybe just a tad tipsy. “You got the check wrong.”

He frowns, taking the bill from her and scanning it. “What are you…”

“You forgot to put a drink on there. My third one.”

It clicks and he rolls his eyes. “Oh my god.”

“What? I’m being honest.”

“It’s on me.” He slides the receipt back to her. 

“But I didn’t dislike any of the dishes!”

“Take some advice, will you Doc? If the restaurant staff didn’t put something on your bill and you still got it, chances are: we wanted to give it to you.” They lock eyes for an intense moment before he clears his throat, looks down to wipe his (suspiciously clean) bar. “‘To childhood trauma,’ and all that. Now stop yapping so loud about it. You want everyone in the restaurant to hear about me giving out free stuff?”

She shuts her mouth at that, but one small detail about what he said is bothering her.

“It’s not ‘Doc,’ so you know. I have a name. It’s Rukia. Rukia Kuchiki.”

“Okay. Whatever, Rukia.” He turns around and waves his hand. “And I’m Ichigo. Just pay your damn bill and come back soon or whatever.”

And with that: she guesses she has a new spot.

[juiceastronaut]

Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

[fandomtrxsh19]

FINAL THOUGHTS ON FATE

I just finished Fate and.......... boy do I have thoughts about it. It wasn’t TERRIBLE, just meh. There were somethings I liked, somethings I didn’t like, and somethings I hated. This will contain SPOILERS.

Things I liked:

The sets. Some of the locations were really pretty such as the Greenhouse and outside of the school.

The performances of some of the cast were passable at best. Precious Mustapha’s Aisha and Danny Griffin’s Sky are among the standouts for me.

Bloom vs The Burned Ones: The transformation was a nice callout to the transformations of the original. The fire surrounding her and the fire wings were are really nice and cool touch.

Beatrix was an interesting villain to say the least. I like how she’s a bit of a mystery. I’ve noticed that she’s mostly like Darcy with some powers of Stormy.

The cast interactions: Watching behind the scenes videos and seeing their Instagrams, you can tell that the main girls are really close. You can tell in the Netflix interview that the cast really loved and cares for each other.

The music: I like how they used lesser known songs and others in the scenes, especially in the party scene.

The special effects: How they did the effects for the magic is pretty cool.

Things I didn’t like(strap in):

The Whitewashing: Of course this can’t be ignored or swept under the rug. The is a major issue on the directors and the creative team’s part. One of the things that makes the original so amazingly brilliant is in its diversity, having 3 of the main characters being WOC. This was and still is a bit step in representation on every shows. Winx Club is one of the first shows that I’ve seen where half of the main characters and lots of other characters didn’t look like me, and I LOVED that. The way they casted a white woman in the roles of both Musa and Flora is extremely shocking l and disappointing. Both Elisha and Elliot definitely tried their best with these characters, but this is still a huge issue. Netflix and the creators KNEW about this. The only reason why Flora’s name got changed to Terra is because of the backlash and the fandom calling them out on their bullshit. The way that Aisha’s role has been changed to a stereotype is simply disappointing but not surprising

The Characters: Not going to lie, lots of characters have been messed with and changed in many ways, none are really on a positive way. Bloom is extremely clueless and annoying. She only thinks of herself and whenever she’s on screen, it’s always like she’s internally saying “Everything’s about me. Let’s focus on me.” It just left a bad taste in my mouth. Stella’s just a bitch in this version. She just goes along acting like she’s above it all. This Stella acts like she doesn’t care about the rest of the girls and it’s really infuriating. She just insults these girls that are supposed to be her friends. She just fills the cliche of “ the bitchy blonde” and thanks, I hate it.

The Writing: Where do I start with this? It isn’t later seasons Riverdale bad, but, it’s still terrible. It’s like the writers haven’t even seen or heard of the source material. Just, the lines must’ve felt so awkward for the actors to say. The actors defientley tied their best with what they were given, but that didn’t really make it better in my opinion. They get old fast, especially the way how Bloom kept on saying “mansplaning” whenever she was taking to Sky was just so cringy. They referenced Harry Potter, Earth culture, and movies so many times and I didn’t like it. In the original, the Specilists, Winx, and Trix don’t know a lot about earth culture such as social media, and Harry Potter. I think this helps separate Earth with Magix. The Netflix adaptation decided to yeet that out the window and was like “Lets make this world like our own.” Part of the charm of the original is the even fusion between futuristic and fantasy aesthetics. Guess, they messed up....wow

The fashion: This is obvious. There’s no transformations, no cute and iconic outfits, just clothes that make the cast look bulky. The cast literally look like soccer moms omg. Stella? Wearing black? I don’t know her. Bloom? Wearing red? I don’t know her. Bloom is only shown wearing red ONCE. The whole reason why she mainly wears blue is to contrast her red head, and fire powers. Stella is APPALED, good sir, HOW DARE YOU!!

The character erasures: There’s no Winx Club without Tecna. Our tecnomagic icon is one of the pillars of the group. She makes sure descisons are thought through logically and comes up with amazing plans. Her powers are extremely powerful and useful in lots of situations. Also, the lack of Helia, Brandon, and Timmy disappointed me. Those guys are amazing characters and Brandon has an amazing personality and character growth that he goes through. Smh Netflix

The pace: The way scenes and storylines would progress was just awkward. The show starts off with Bloom at Alfea, then meeting Sky and I was just like......”What?” Scenes that are more “down to earth” and “chill went by kinda quickly to get to the “darker” and “edgier” scenes. It just weird and boring sometimes

Miscellaneous: The biphobia in Riven’s character and the fat phobia in the first 20 minutes. Seeing Elliot’s character constantly being bullied, not only broke my heart, but left a really bad taste in my mouth.

Now, these are just my opinions and scratch the surface of my feelings about this. As an adaptation of a preexisting property, I give it a 4/10 and as an independent show, I give it a 5/10. There were some good points and character growth, like the whole thing with Stella and her mom, but it was mostly disappointing.

According to Ignio, he and Brian Young think that animation is only for kids. He has literally said in an interview that this is “for the older fans who grew up with Winx” and “ They would like the darker and edgier version.” This makes me mad since I prefer animation to live action. These showrunners, creators, etc are in the wrong here. There are still lots of other cartoons that have a bright and colorful aesthetic and tell dark stories(I.e Madoka Magica). We don’t want another Vampire Diaries or Riverdale. We’ve already seen enough teens shows that are dark and edgy. What we need/want is a show that tells a story and honors the source material in an appropriate and special way. What we wanted and needed is a Winx Club adaptation that respects the source material, and keeps its fun, bright, and colorful aesthetic. Not, whatever Netwinx gave us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go rewatch the Nick/4kids/Cinelume dubs and WoW so I can cleanse my palette from what I just watched.

PSA: PLEASE don’t bully or harass any of the actors. They clearly tried their best with what they were given. It isn’t their fault at all.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

I think the show inflated Dawson and Joey’s connection via the dialogue. If they wanted to show us what a deep connection DJ had they should have done more than show Dawson ranting to Joey about his life and having Joey respond to it. I believe they’re childhood friends. I don’t believe they’re soulmates or even that they have the “I-don’t-know-where-you-end-and-I-begin.” Their friendship would have been more believable if Dawson hadn’t been so narcissistic and self absorbed. We should have seen a more balanced/equal relationship between him and the other characters.

I don’t think Dawson is any worse than the other characters, especially during the college years. The main problem with Dawson is that the show continuously tells us what a great guy he is. And by doing so, it doesn’t always hold him accountable to his mistakes to the degree that necessary. When Dawson does apologize he often sounds dismissive and condensing (ei: “I could tell you all roads lead back to me but those are just words…go… you’re free.”) Also, Most of Dawson’s interactions with his friends revolved around his feelings and his interests.

Like in a commentary, Kerr Smith, discusses how hard it was to film the scene where everyone gathered to cheer Dawson up in the end of True Love, especially since the scene before that one featured a very emotional moment between Jack and his dad. It was as if Dawson’s heartbreak was more important than Jack’s. Dawson literally used homophobia directed at Jack to win Joey back and also almost crashed Jack’s boat, he didn’t deserve to have Jack be his friend.

When it comes to Pacey, the narrative acknowledges that he’s a screw up and holds him accountable for his mistakes. When Pacey screws up he usually also apologizes right away and it doesn’t sound half-assed like “I’m sorry IF you got offended.” Also I like that Pacey doesn’t only apologize, he rectifies the situation via his actions (ex: when he came back to dance with Joey at the prom in S6 after humiliating her at prom or when he raised money for Dawson’s film after losing all of his money).

Personally, I don’t think Dawson is any more  misogynistic than any of the other guys. The most misogynistic scene was where Jack told his frat bro that Audrey was “easy”. He was forgiven pretty easily by Audrey and Joey for saying that. Pacey also had a tendency to over-sexualize certain women.

Dawson is horrible in later seasons as well. For one he cheats on his girlfriend and then has the nerve to get angry at Joey for being understandably mad about the situation. He calls her a scared child after just sleeping with her btw which is super gross. Instead of taking responsibility for his screwup he blames her and makes himself to be a victim of Joey.

Dawson still has zero empathy in later seasons. Number 1, he goes to Pacey and asks him to invest ALL his money. As someone who works in the financial world and I believe everyone should know this. It doesn't matter how carefully you invest... you should never invest every cent you have. That is extremely stupid!!! And then he went to his friend wanting him to be the one to invest it and Pacey is smartly reluctant to do so because that is such a bad idea to have your friend do something like that. But he pushed Pacey into it in the first place. It sucks that in the end he lost his money but Pacey also lost his own money... did Dawson give a shit about Pacey? No. He could have comiserated with him since they were both in the same boat but no Dawson thinks of no one but himself. Their whole fight in that episode just infuriates me because it's a lot Dawson dredging up the past and rewriting history to once again making Pacey out to be the villain of his life's movie that he has made in his own head.

"You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors" This line makes me livid. Dawson is the one who accused Pacey of stealing the PSATs when he truly didn't, called him weak and self motivated. He threw a basketball at Pacey's face and broke his nose. He forgot his birthday. Told him he should go back to being a screwup who makes him feel better about his life. Dawson was a horrible friend and all those things happened before the situation with Joey and Dawson has to the nerve to act like Pacey was the one who didn't want to be his friend. Also the line about making them competitors? Dawson made them competitors. He did not have to care that Pacey and Joey dated he did not need to throw away their friendship. He chose that. He ruined their friendship. Dawson literally made them competitors when he signed up for the boat race that Pacey had signed up to take part in weeks before all the drama went down. Dawson is literally rewriting history there to make himself the victim.

"I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart." Pacey turned his back on him? I seem to recall Pacey doing everything in his power to fix their friendship in S4 including apologizing to Dawson even though I don't believe he needed to. Also Pacey went to Dawson to apologize about losing all his money and Dawson dredged up the past and tried to demonize him for things that he had already apologized for years prior. Looks to me like your the one settin you two up against each other, Dawson!

"You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago." Again I feel like a broken record but in season 5 and 6 Pacey was extremely nice to Dawson way nicer than I would have been. Dawson wrote Pacey off the moment he found out he was dating Joey.

Secondly he never apologized to Pacey for nearly killing him and saying horrible vile things about him at the end of Season 3 so one can assume that he believed until the end of time that he wasn't in the wrong. Plus i'm of the opinion that he shouldn't be forgiven until he has apologized.

He is way more sexist than Pacey and Jack... there might be some peripheral characters that have him beat but i'm not too sure.

In season 5, he meets that film critic and says some sexist bullshit to her specifically this is their exchange...

Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times.

Dawson: That explains that, then.

Amy: What?

Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies.

1. Fuck you Dawson. Your opinion in movies is not that great. Wasn't he the one who in S3 went on and on to Pacey about how he didn't like film noir... yeah I don't trust his opinion in movies in the least.

2. Drama queen?! Also telling a random woman you don't even know that he understands why her boyfriend dumped her?! Again fuck you Dawson.

[for-a-muse-of-fire]

oh, but you’re good to me

the wench and the witcher

"oh, but you’re good to me”

Fandom: The Witcher (2019)

Paring: Geralt of Rivia x Black!OFC - Zahra Auberel. Platonic!Jaskier x Zahra.

Summary:  Midaëte brings the height of summer, and a reconciliation. 

Warnings: Rated Mature due to brief mention of sex. Please don’t interact if you are under the age of 18.

A/N: Well, what started as a simple reader insert character grew into a fully-formed OC through the course of this series. And now we have reached the end! Well, mostly. I have some random outtakes and drabbles that I’m sure will crop up, but my (eventual) multi-chapter will feature Geralt and Zahra as they navigate some... interesting magical developments. 

But, for now, I call this the end of The Wench and The Witcher. Thank you guys so much for your kind words, reblogs, likes - this is honestly the most I’ve written in years and knowing that y’all have enjoyed it warms the cockles of my heart. Title and lyrics under the cut from Hozier’s “Would That I” which I think might be my favorite Hozier song full-stop, hands down. 

@coconutxraikage - @onyour-right - @ly–canthrope - @kianya-loves - @c-s-stars - @gczanetti1 - @alwaysnatz - @agniavateira - @owillofthewisps​ - @hina-chans-stuff - @yespolkadotkitty​ - @wastingmypotential​ - @inber​

With each love I cut loose, I was never the same Watching still-living roots be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Layin' waste to my lovin' long ago

“Contracts from the butcher and the miller,” Lucja rattles off. “And Jaskier returned your message – says he’s very much looking forward to performing for the solstice festival.”

 She gives a hum as she thumbs through the stack of papers on the desk. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you, as well,” she teases.

 Lucja’s pretty round face goes pink, making her employer grin. The older woman pauses when she finds an unfamiliar piece of folded parchment among the stack of invoices. Slim brown fingers unfold the sharply folded letter and suddenly her heart is in her throat. “Lucja… where did this come from?”

 “Oh… it, ah, came with Jaskier’s reply. Do you want me to get rid of it?”

 Though half-tempted to let Lucja burn the letter, she bites her lip and shakes her head. “No,” she murmurs. “Thank you, Lu’ – that will be all.”

 Her young barmaid flashes a sympathetic smile and closes the door behind her. The neatly looped scrawl of the letter makes something around her heart ache. She’d always been surprised by how tidy the Witcher’s handwriting was:

 I don’t

 This isn’t what

 I’m not – fucking shit fuck 

 The first time I saw you, it was like walking into the light of the sun after half a lifetime in the cold. And it was so fucking cold that night.

 You were like summer.

 It’s cold again now, without you. I don’t know what I’m doing

 Two weeks later:

I wanted want wanted to bring you to see Kaer Mohren. I know you said you like the ocean more than the mountains, but I think this place could change your mind. You would get on with Eskel like a house on fire. He’s more of a southerner, like you.

 I told him about the time you tried to teach me to cook and he nearly pissed himself laughing.

 Lambert’s a shit. Vesemir already likes you.

 You’d like it here. The kitchen is nearly as big as the whole front room of the tavern. Library’s bigger.

 Garden’s a fucking nightmare, though.

 We could go to the ocean, too. Anywhere you want.

 The missives don’t come with any real regularity. A few at a time, a week-long gap, but they never stop. She thinks about writing back, at first, but deciphering where the Witcher is would likely be impossible and… gods, she’s still so damned angry. The White Wolf receives no reply.

Regardless, the letters keep coming.

 The thing is, I don’t know what else there is besides The Path - this life of slaying monsters and getting paid in coin. I was told that was all I needed and I believed it for a very long time. There was nothing to challenge that, not until I met you.

 You were are so fucking beautiful. And warm, and bright, and vulgar, and kind, and a pain in my ass and I should have told you how much you meant to me, but I couldn’t parse it out until just now, and I am an idiot. And a coward. I thought that telling myself you were an amusement would be enough, that I would be content with warming your bed, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t keep lying about how much I need you.

 I need you, Zee. It feels like I’m missing my fucking sword arm.

 The words on the page blur together. She brushes them with her fingertips, almost smiling even as the tears catch in her lashes:

 I miss the way you laugh at Jaskier’s dirty songs.

 I miss the way you used my legs to keep your feet warm at night.

 I miss that fucking rabbit stew.

 I miss the way you’d look at me when I walked in the door.

 I miss the sounds you make when I’m inside of you. The way you taste.

 I miss your eyes. And your smile.

 Your voice. Your terrible fucking singing.

 You are my home. You’re my harbor and my safe haven.

 I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

   ---

Midaëte approaches. With it, a week’s worth of festivities, and food and drink, leading up to the day of the solstice. It means early mornings in the kitchen and late nights in the tavern. The evenings are balmy, windows and doors thrown open to allow the scent of summer air and night-blooming flowers to drift through.

 For a time, she is so busy that she forgets to be heartsore. Geralt’s letters – page after yellowing page – sit tied with a gold ribbon in her desk drawer. Confessions and apologies, promises and rambling stories that she keeps picking up to read again and again. It’s a veritable book, more than he’d ever seen fit to say in person and she’s not sure whether to be infuriated or hopeful, but there’s barely time. Thank the gods.

  Business booms, between trades-folk coming in for the market day, then musicians, then families. She drinks a little, dances when there is time; she lets Lucja weave tiny yellow purple flowers into her hair for Midaëte Eve and dresses in white and yellow to enjoy the evening. Or try to, at least. The main room is full almost to bursting, patrons laughing, carousing, and eventually spilling out into the courtyard to dance in the falling dusk.

 Zahra watches from the doorway. A few try to tempt her into the circle for a reel and they receive a grateful smile with her refusal. Jaskier, however, will not be deterred.

 “You, dear lady,” he croons. “Look too lovely to be hiding in the shadows.”

 “Jas…”

 “One dance. Just one – you might even have fun by mistake.”

 She rolls her eyes, but the bard just grins and lifts her hand for a kiss. He leads her, hand-in-hand out to the courtyard; Jaskier gives a nod to his fellow players and they begin with a sharp beat that eases into a lovely, familiar melody.

 “You know this one, ducky?” Jaskier queries with a smile. She nods and he takes the lead.

 It’s a simple step, to start with. A sweet back and forth to match the sweet, flowing verse of the song. The touch of Jaskier’s hand on her low back offers guidance, keeps her moving in gentle circles around him until the real movement begins. Swinging, agile steps carry Zahra and her partner around in wide loops. The mingle with other dancers, threading hands to spin back together and then apart.

 Jaskier grips her waist across the front, and she follows suit. The dizzying spin turns the world into a wash of summer colors for a moment and she can’t help but laugh. It feels good to be light again.

 The bard turns her under his arm and into the hands of the next man. There’s a moment of hesitation, a moment where she considers bowing out and going back to her corner, but the tabor still thrums in her blood and it’s such a beautiful night.

 Still smiling, she curtsies, and is lead back through the steps again. Her partner leads easily, light of foot and loose of tongue – from her ale, more like than not – but he’s kind, and sweet, and so funny that she’s nearly in tears when she’s suddenly spun away to her next partner. She catches the fabric of her skirts to add a flourish to the spin; the soft yellow cotton dances with her.

 When spins to a stop, she sees black, at first. Matte black buttons, black tunic shirt – worn, but cleaner than it usually is. The silver wolf’s head medallion sparks in the torchlight.

 Zahra looks up into the face of Geralt of Rivia and the music goes dull behind the roar of blood in her ears. It feels a bit like standing on a ledge cliff and looking down to gauge the fall. She feels dizzy, and terrified, and wonderfully breathless. Heart in her mouth, she spies Jaskier out of the corner of her eye.

 The bard grins. Bastard.

 “Zahra…”

 The Witcher’s voice rumbles through her like soft summer thunder. Strong fingers grip hers, and he lifts her knuckles to his lips. His honey-gold eyes are more earnest and honest than she’s ever seen them – he asks the question without moving his lips. Zahra nods.

 Geralt leads her in the dance and everything falls away.

  She hears the music, feels it sing through her, but her focus remains on the white-haired mutant at her side. His hand spans her back, warm through her dress and stays; the lightest pressure of his fingertips, or palm, guides her to turn, or step, or pivot in time with him. It shouldn’t be surprising to her, how well he moves – she’s seen him fight, and his grace with a sword, and how would dancing be any different?  He doesn’t look away from her once and the heat of his gaze flushes over her. The Witcher very nearly smiles.

 Geralt turns her under his arm, guides her through the last few measures of the song. He steps away, takes his warmth with him, and bows. Zahra curtsies in return.

 The crowd, the rest of the world, rushes back over them. The townsfolk whistle, and stomp, for a moment determined to swarm in and start up another country dance, and Geralt grips her hand tight for a moment. She sees him hesitate before he asks, simply, “Can we talk?”

 Most of the party has spilled into the streets, leaving the tavern itself practically empty. Lucja still keeps to her spot behind the bar, green eyes going wide when she spies Zahra and her guest in tow. The girl’s pretty face splits into a knowing smile that makes Zahra’s face go hot.

 It’s mostly dark in her study. The small hearth fire has gone to smoldering embers, and it gives her the opportunity to light a few candles and collect her utterly scattered thoughts. She flicks out the last taper and finally looks up at Geralt. He stands just inside the closed door, just as he used to. It’s familiar – it feels like it’s been years, or decades, or maybe just a few hours. His honey-colored gaze still holds a heat that sings over her skin. She drops her eyes to the desk.

 The last letter sits there, creased and folded from how many times she’s read it. Zahra picks at the parchment. Keeping her focus on Geralt’s neat lettering seems easier than looking at the Witcher himself. “Did Jaskier put you up to this?” she teases half-heartedly.

 Geralt exhales on a chuckle. “Something like. Threatened to garrote me with a lute string.”

 She smiles, in spite of herself. When she lifts her head and meets his eyes, it takes a moment to catch her breath. For a few heartbeats, she simply stares. Gods, he is still so beautiful. She swallows hard and feels her throat go dry.

 “Did you mean what you wrote?” she asks.

 “You know I did, Zee.”

Gold eyes go guarded again. He doesn’t go totally cold, but she can see the way he builds up his walls to prepare for the worst. He steps forward. Second-guesses – stops.

 “What I do – what I am – I can’t change it,” he rumbles. “I’m still a Witcher, Zahra. A mutant. I can’t… I can’t give you normal, sweetheart – ”

 “Gods, Geralt - fuck normal.”

 ---

 “Fuck normal.”

 She says it with such passionate certainty that it startles a laugh out of him. The soft yellow of her skirt floats like woven sunlight around her legs. Like the sun, it almost hurts to look at her, but fuck all, that’s all he wants to do. He watches her face, watches her chew her lip; feels his slow pulse try to speed up when she steps closer. His fingers itch to curl around her waist.

 “I never asked for normal, Geralt,” she whispers. The way her voice cracks pulls tight around his heart. “I don’t want normal. I want you. That’s it. Can… can you give me that, or no?”

 The Witcher’s footfalls carry him to her. He studies her face; re-acquaints himself with the curve of her cheek and the dimple that presses there. She all but melts into his touch when his thumb brushes her cheek. He pulls her into the circle of his arms. She’s still soft, and warm; he closes his eyes, feels his muscles go lax with relief when she holds fast, locking her arms around his back. Geralt presses his face against the smooth curve of her shoulder.

 It feels like stepping into the light of the sun after ages in cold and rain. “I love you, Zahra,” he breathes.

 Her soft, tearful laugh settles warm into his heart. “I love you, Geralt.”

 He gives a pleased murmur, lets the tip of his nose trail lazy circles over her shoulder. When he inhales, the warm, soft smell of her skin eases back into his lungs. From shoulder to neck, the Witcher draws in slow breaths and ghosts his lips over the exposed skin he finds until Zahra shivers. “What are you doing, Witcher?” she whispers, breathless.

 “Hmm… taking your scent back,” he mumbles. “I missed this smell.”

 His lips ease along the shell of her ear. She still gasps when he nips at the crux of her jaw. “I missed you, love,” he growls.

 Geralt takes his time. He savors the smell and the taste of her skin, humming lowly when Zahra’s hands grip at his back. The sweetness of her begins to bloom with heat, with the richness of desire – want – and when he sets his teeth gently against her pulse point, she moans delicately.  Insistent fingers tangle in his hair; she whispers his name and pulls him to her lips. She kisses him like a woman starved and it feels like his heart might thunder its way free of his chest. He lifts her onto the edge of the desk and comes to stand between her parted thighs, gathering the soft yellow cotton of her skirts up. Her fingers yank at the buttons on his trousers.

  It’s a quick, desperate of coupling. Mingled breath and bitten off sighs – greedy kisses with fingers gripped in the front of his shirt. She flutters hotly around his cock with a whimper and a curse. He groans against her mouth when he comes. Zahra drinks down the noise with a grin on her lips.

 Geralt stays put for more than a year. It’s good.

 The Path still calls, and he still follows, but she finds she’s able to let go of the fear. It’s no longer a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’ in terms of Geralt’s return. And if he knows it’s going to be a long journey, or if the mood simply strikes him, he writes -

 I miss you.

 I love you.

 Sometimes no more than a line, sometimes full paragraphs – even pages –  but he always tells her when he plans to return. When he’ll be home.

 It’s nearly spring next time he rides back in, market day in full swing as he passes through the township gate with Roach at his side. Vendors call their wares, families and merchants wander the stalls as he peers out from the shadow of his cloak. He finds the trail of Zahra’s scent past the cloying smell of cut flowers and rounds to corner to find her chatting with the butcher’s daughter.

 The younger woman catches his gaze. Geralt watches the girl grin and give his woman – his woman – a nudge, nodding in his direction. Zahra is already smiling when she turns, and the Witcher has the pleasure of watching her face flash from surprise to joy in the space of a heartbeat. She moves to him, a walk that becomes a jog, and then a final sprint that launches her into his arms. He curls his free arm tight around her waist. Immediately, he has his face pressed to her hair. Zahra’s laughter rings softly in his ears when she draws back, just enough to look up into his face.

 At her throat, the polished wolf’s tooth is bright against her brown skin. “Welcome home, my love,” she murmurs.

 The greeting settles warm over him like the sunlight. Geralt pulls her close again, kissing her in full view of half the town. She shivers sweetly in his arms and pulls her fingers through his hair. He hears a wolf-whistle, and a smattering of applause that makes Zahra giggle against his mouth.

 “People are staring,” she teases softly.

 He smirks. “Let them,” he tells her before kissing her once more. She tastes of clover honey.

 She smells of sunshine.

 She feels like home.