#the whole middle bit isn’t quite what I was originally going for

[sthilarions]

I know some people find the word “partners” kinda weak to describe a relationship - unemotional, or cold, or the like. But the thing is, right, you know that post that says “I love the word ‘partners’. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we running a legal firm?” etc

Because that’s the thing about “partners”. It says “we’re committed, we’re together, we’re equals, we know each other, we move around each other like we know the movement’s of each other’s limbs better than our own, we know our roles in the dance, we can have a whole conversation just in references to shared memories, we bounce off each other finishing each other’s thoughts like we’re the same person, our lives are wrapped around each other until the edges blur and that means so much more than the details”.

Charles and Edwin have been partners for 35 years and they will be for the rest of forever and that matters so much more than the details, in the end.

[acupofinkedblood]

Egobworder x reader

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

• Knights in shining armor, what a typical concept of what people usually fantasize about when it comes to such romantic matters like those cliché instant novel. No need to be ashamed, we have all been there, it’s a classic one after all. Love songs and various different types of artwork have all tricked us into believing in knights in shining armor, such idealized man who comes to the rescue of a damsel in distress, the perfect protector who values chivalry in qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak. On theory, it sounds idyllic, isn’t it? And hey, you did achieve your dream of having someone like that in your life! But then again, when you look at the so-called ‘knight in shining armor’ of yours compared to the one in your mind? Well, let’s just say that Egobworder isn’t the typical Prince Charming that you were hoping for

• You’re pretty much used to the traditional type of knight on a white charger. Yeah, those guys who are full of sophisticated poetry and have quite the honor of the name they carry. But this guy? Egobworder? You think he is going to be like that Romeo to your Juliet, who is going to sing sweet nothings into your ears below your balcony in the middle of the night? If that’s what you have in mine, then let me hold your hands while breaking the news to you: You’re at the wrong address honey. Did you forget who is he originally? Yeah, even in this current circumstance, that specific trait of his isn’t going to hasta la bye bye anytime soon. He is technically still Skateboard, but more sophisticatedly fancier - that’s the best way for one to describe him

• Egobworder isn’t your daily stereotype of such fancy gentlemen on a lovely horse going all out to devote his entire life just to do good deeds with a people-pleasing attitude, oh no no, let’s just say that he has more than just that. That’s the head start for you to know. You have to remember that at the end of the day, the formulation of this dude right here is still the original Skateboard that you once knew. Yes, he’s still that laid-back and reckless skateboarder, but that’s deep inside, maybe a bit toned down yet it’s still there - you get the point of what I’m trying to say. Other than that he’s still managed to swoon your heart with that sweet tongue alongside with that charismatic demeanor of his

• How did you even meet him? The answer is simple: Egobworder has a free spirit with nothing to bound him back in one place for the rest of his life. His heart yearns for adventures, and so he shall fulfill it. Locating this man is actually quite the hassle since he insisting on following the calls of the abyss to nowhere. Rambling nonstop about this whole ‘adventure calls’ and how it’s important for him to charge forward to serve his purpose, which he doesn’t even tell you what is it clearly. One moment he is here, then the next moment he is already planning to leave after whatever he claims as his business has been finished. When you cross path with him, I mean it when I say this is quite the once in a blue moon type of event. It can be quite the random meetup, or it can be quiet the rendezvous that you have been calculating your eyes out just because of him. Nonetheless, the best advice one can give you is to seize the moment before he disappears into the unknown again

• Thankfully, Egobworder isn’t a loner. He has been traveling alone for who knows since when, but that doesn’t mean he is against the idea of having a companion by his side. If he did, then why would he offer you to become his partner out of the blue? All those years of traveling alone can get pretty boring when you have gotten used to it. Besides, with how much of a yapper he is, he needs someone to accompany him and his words aside from this idle sword. It’s pretty funny how people give him the look when he starts talking to himself with no audience, so guess that he does yearn for someone to join him. You can call him foolish when he just offers you, a stranger who he knows nothing about — or at least you thought so — to come and accompany him. But hey, you only live once, he has nothing to lose after all. Besides, how can you even say no to that mischievous yet all-knowing grin?

• When you agree to his request of becoming his companion, be ready to bid your old life a farewell because you’re about to see a whole new world when being with him. The goal of his journey is pretty unclear, it makes you wonder if he even has a goal in mind at the first place when starts traveling around. Egobworder is like a self-proclaimed Robin Hood - for the lack of better titles to associate him with, he goes wherever he feels like his presence is required. Although technically he is pretty sporadic, so it’s hard to grasp his character within a trait. Now that he has you by his side, maybe you can help him navigate through the journey properly so he won’t get lost on a daily basis again. He will take you to see the new world which you have never imagined before, and it’s a worthy experience, prepare yourself to be surprised with the miracle of life that you have missed for so long

• Egobworder is pretty ambitious himself. He charges forward with no string to bound him, always hungry for adventures and the thrilling adrenaline rush it comes with. Neophiliac isn’t the worth I’d use to call him as — but nonetheless, it’s somewhat accurate to a certain point — he only pursues things that he likes after all, no matter old or new, impossible or possible. Well, for Egobworder, he is rather venturesome. If he wishes to achieve something, he will go all out for it. Does this apply for all of his escapades? Maybe. Does this apply for his attempt to court you? Oh absolutely. But where’s the fun in saying it directly in front of your face? You already know how much he enjoys the chase of something — which in this case, it’s you — so he will try and win your heart without making it looks like it’s his intention. Damn him and his odd way of thinking. Then again, that’s what you have signed up for after all

• Charismatic is definitely a suitable choice of word to describe Egobworder. That smile, that gesture, that irresistible charm of something so vexatious yet so endearing at the same time - gosh, calling him a smooth operator is pretty accurate because of how much of an attraction he is. And damn does he take the ‘ego’ part of his name seriously, because giving this man attention is like feeding his ego a five star course meal. He has people wrapped around his finger with the perfect combination of a rascal and a gentleman within the same body. That is a dangerous fusion, I’ll give you that. One thing for sure is that it definitely amuses him if you get jealous of the people who are swooned by him. To Egobworder, he doesn’t mind them, what catches his eyes however is you and your response to said people. It’s a bit funny when you get all fussy about him being a chick magnet. He will reassure you that he only has his gaze upon his partner, but of course, it feels like he is teasing the heck out of you at the same time

• This man has a sweet tongue, and you probably see this coming at this point. Egobworder is blessed with the ability to swoon people with his words just for the fun of it. How can one even stay nonchalant with such sweet nothings from someone like him? Word is a powerful weapon. And of course, Egobworder is aware of it. He takes it as an advantage for his own gain, usually to keep his head on his neck before looking over for violence as an alternative solution. No, he isn’t against using violence. But there’s a saying ‘When word is useless, then violence shall be the answer’, so at least he has to try to use words first after all. It will save you two a great deal of effort. He knows how to find the possible persuasion to save the two of you out of a tough situation. He knows how to strike a good bargain when buying the necessities for your adventures. And most importantly, he knows how to convince someone to see the logical side in his plan no matter how absurd it sounds. Yeah, the ‘someone’ in saying is you. No matter how dumb his plan sounds, he always finds the right words to get you to agree with him

• That is to say that it’s undebatable about him being a huge flirt. Flirtatious banters are one of his favorite things to do with you. Most of the time he will keep it simple with intimate gestures out of the blue, but when he feels like he wants a serving of trouble since it’s what he is formed by at the end of the day, then that’s when he attacks with verbal affection right into your heart with no warning. Compliments coming from him is easy to foresee already, but with a questionable frequency to the point that you feel like he doesn’t spare you a moment to breathe at all? Yeah, you have to mentally prepare yourself for that because the way he does it is so unexpected just like his default tendencies. Whenever he feels like he wants to see you flustered, he means it when he says he is going to praise you heaven and back. It’s nothing too dumbfounded when he suddenly corners you against a solid surface then proceeds to give your heart an insane race all over again. You already know this guy - he is full of surprises

• Damn this guy with his mouth alongside his actions, one did mention how he isn’t going for those traditional stereotypes of those cliche knight in shining armor, and that makes him unique compared to those old-fashioned fairytale heroes. But then again, his flirtatious attempt is definitely bold — hell, it can even be described as foul if you may — and he isn’t shy away from it at all. If you think he is just a playful dork, then you’re an absolute idiot and I mean this in the most lovingly respectful way possible because surprise surprise, he manages to fool you into thinking that. I beg of you, don’t fall for it so easily. He is the type of guy whose touch will linger in that vulnerable spot of your body with a straight face while telling the things which he’d love to do to you with great pleasure. And good luck wiping that cocky grin off his face because he will act oblivious when you ask him to repeat what he just told you

• There are probably times when you have to physically shove him away when he suddenly thinks it was a good idea to whisper those suggestive things that belongs behind a closed bedroom’s door into your ears while you were minding your own business. And to make it worse, he is definitely not going to shy out even when you two are out there in front of other people. He does it not just for the thrill, but to get your attention from whatever you’re doing at the moment to him instead as well. Two birds with one stone, it’s still a win for him. Even when you’re talking with someone longer than he likes, that isn’t going to stop him from keeping his voice low enough for only you to hear. At least now he has your attention, not them. Is he petty? The answer is yes. But a slap or two on his helmet absolutely worths everything he says. He is impossible, and you know it well enough due to how long you two have been traveling together. Yet you can’t help but love it as much as it annoys you, no?

• He will definitely invite you to stand on his flying sword then charge forward just for the laugh of the situation. One thing for sure is that he will be a huge tease about it, or in a more casual way of saying it— yeah he will be an absolute dick during the entire ride, especially in the few first attempts of you two flying together. Egobworder will pretend that he has lost control over the sword because of how he claims that he isn’t used to flying with another person before, then will fake a chaotic landing which he accidentally drops you, just to fly downward and hold you in his arms gracefully like you weight a feather in his embrace. Yeah it’s absolutely valid for you to be upset with him afterwards. Don’t worry, it’s only one time, next time he promises that he will pull no stunt for your sake. But still, kick his ass, let it be a warning to that guy to never do that again

• Speaking of that, his sword technically isn’t the best type of transportation that can carry two people at the same time since it can be a bit cramped. Not that he mind though, but for the sake if your comfort, it’s up to you really. Unless you’re fine with standing in front of him with both of his hands holding your waist with a firm grip to keep you safe while flying while he is dangerously close to you, then you probably need a horse, or anything else that can help you to move around. It’s your choice whether you want to go with really. Fair warning though, good luck finding a horse that is fast enough to catch up with Egobworder at a decent price. But if you don’t want to get another vehicle to travel, feel free to stand in front of him on his sword anytime you want

• It’s clear as day at how he can be quite an asshole too. That previous mentions of him and his damn random urge are just a few honorable mentions, because there are still more of it, and they just get even more questionable from time to time. One time he deadass asked you if you want to share this drink of a funny-suspicious-looking potion he found in the random treasure chest with him, and when you figured that it was a shrink potion, you almost straggled him right there and right now if he didn’t start to run away. Okay, that can be count as an accident. But that time when you strayed away from the original plan and was captured in a hanging cell? What did he do? He took his sweet time laughing at you while beating the guards up. Even when he had the keys, he still insisted on making you beg for it just so he could get a good laugh out of the situation

• Yet despite all of that, you can’t deny that he genuinely cares about you. He just got a funny way of showing it. Maybe that’s just how he is, you should have known better than assuming that facade of him as who he actually is. Trust me when I say this, no matter how ridiculous his scheme can be, Egobworder holds you dear close to his heart. As much as it’s funny as hell when he pokes fun at you lightheartedly, he will immediately stop when he knows that you’re uncomfortable with it just by looking at the change in your usual expression. Who is it that carries you in such firm embrace when you have fallen ill to seek around for a medic? Who is it that has your back if not almost all of the time so he can protect you? Who is it that risk breaking his own favorite flying sword just to save you in the nick of time? You already know the answer, don’t you? Egobworder does it all for you because he actually cares for you more than anything else

• Don’t let that asshole fool you with that easy-going persona, he can actually be pretty protective of you whenever the times come. After all, you’re his partner — both in traveling and romantic senses, he puts those two together since it does makes sense, get it? Partner and partner romantically? — it’s his responsibility to look after you and to make sure that you’re safe with your head attached to your neck. He loves messing around with you, sure, but if other does that? Not on his watch. No one messes with his partner but him. And if they can’t take a hint to leave you out of the conversation, then he will just pick you up, throw you onto his shoulder like a potato sack then fly away immediately after throw the unfortunate dumbass into the well with one hand only. You do remember that he’s still strong as hell, right? It’s important that you keep it in mind, because you’re the brain and he’s the brawn in this dynamic

• That is to say, he can be a romantic partner when he feels like it. It’s not too obviously different from his other playful tease though, because unexpectedly, he knows how to get embarrassed too when he has to admit that it’s something more than just an ordinary flirt he just throws at you. Other than those chaotic jabs, he does have his serious intimate moments with you when the time comes. The most noticeable change is that he seems to be quieter than when he is being a nuisance just to get a reaction out from you. He doesn’t use his words much anymore, though his touch starts to linger on your hand, reluctant to let go before has the courage to hold onto to it. Another thing is that he will pull out unpredicted things that will catch you off guard. Like that time when he was resting close to you at your camp then decided to plug a flower nearby and put it in your pocket. Or when he began to twirl you around gently under the moonlight asking for a slow dance. What’s actually in this guy’s mind? Well, we might never know

• During the time you two travel together, he will tell you all of the tales about his past adventures. It will certainly amaze you, hearing just how much had he accomplished before meeting you. He will tell you stories of those faraway land which are full of jaw-dropping scenery, those bloodshed he has to deal with for the sake of the people he wants to protect, those exotic creatures that can only be imagined by slumbering into the dreamland, and so on. It’s marvelous, and he definitely has the voice of the storyteller, if you know what I mean. And well, he might exaggerate a few parts of it just for dramatic effect, claiming that he should have had his own epics by now so everyone can hear about ‘the tales of the almighty and handsome Egobworder’ — his words, not mine — heck, his pride is definitely something else. But hey, most of it is accurate to what exactly happened, he isn’t just pulling your leg by making things up on spot. If you want to, he can definitely schedule a plan for the future to revisit where he used to go through, aside from those where he has to hide his face because of not-so-legal things, of course

• He had his worries too. Egobworder just doesn’t like to show it to people around him, especially you. And hell, he did a great job hiding it all behind a cheeky smile. Egobworder doesn’t want to regret any decision he made, but sometimes he can’t help beating himself up in his mind when thinking of what if instead of doing this, he could have done that for the better. He carries his thoughts by himself because that’s what he is used too. And don’t get me started on how he would probably bite his own tongue rather than burden you with his nonsense. He is worried about fate, worried about himself, worried about the consequences of his potential flaw and of course, worried about you. It takes time for you to actually break down the towel of walls he has built up around his concern. And yes, please be patient with him. It’s not like he doesn’t want you to help, but he isn’t used to being helped. But once he learned to do so, he would show you just how much he appreciated you

• For someone like him, companionship worths much more than any promised treasure he could even imagine. He doesn’t get attached easily based on how open-minded he is when it comes to exploring the world, but guess that you have managed to become his exception. At first he simply thinks of you as someone who fate has led him to so that you shall become his partner, the one that will share his burdens and join him in laughters. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet when he looks at you now, why does he feel his heartbeat quickened? Just from the sight of you? Heck, Egobworder used to think that he would never be the type to settle down, he is too wild for that. And then you just have to hop into the picture to prove him wrong. Ironically, he adores it. He adores you, romantically

• The bound between the two of you is deep enough for you two to understand each other without a word spoken. You know that he looks at you with the same love you carry in your eyes ever since you lay your eyes on him. It takes time before it starts to hit him like a pillow of rose being shoved into his face, yet he isn’t against it. At first he would reconsider his own feelings properly, just to realize he has already seen you as something more than just ‘companion’. Your love is reciprocated before he even acknowledges it. Good lord, it makes him feel like an idiot. Though when he looks into your eyes, suddenly everything is fine again. Give him a good while to choose his words before have the serious talk with you about how he feels, it will be worth it, I promise

• You aren’t just a random partner he decides to scoff up out of nowhere to stay by his side through these endless adventures, you are more than just that. More than just a normal companion - you are his beloved treasure. All those time he has spent with you, it makes him feel like he has known you for an eternity. You give him that familiar warmth which he thought that he would have forgotten it by now with how much he paced around from here to there. As corny as it might sound, but you have become the home where his heart rests. He doesn’t say it often in serious manner, but Egobworder loves you. He really does, don’t think that he isn’t capable of staying faithful to his sweetheart, you will be surprised if that is what you had in mind. Jokes aside, you aren’t just a wonderful experience of which he has the pleasure to bound with, you are his everything. And he will thank the stars and whoever above for blessing him with the presence of you, his upmost precious treasure

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Note: For the dear customer who requested him, in all due respect, please count your days because I physically have to dwell into my mind to give him a proper personality (ﾟ∀ﾟ) Jokingly of course, but damn this one is definitely tough-

Note 2: Consider this my red envelope to you, dearest customers!

[mageknight14]

What It Means to be Friends: The Differences between Neku/Beat and Rindo/Fret 

I’m feeling in the mood for another TWEWY analysis post and for today’s topic of discussion, this will be centered around Beat and Neku’s friendship in comparison to Rindo and Fret’s own and how they contrast in very interesting ways that are reflective of their respective game's writing styles.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Neku and Beat didn’t exactly get off to the best start in the beginning of their relationship in the original. Hell, if anything, they flat out disliked each other. Beat saw Neku as nothing more than an emotionally distant asshole who made his little sister feel bad for trying to help him out and Neku saw Beat as nothing more than an overly emotional idiot who’s way too energetic for his own good and initially wants nothing to do with him.

There are little cracks that start to form in the walls between them, however, where their respective duos start coming together to help each other out in the Game and they start to form a little friendly rivalry between them. Mostly on Beat’s side since Neku could care less. However, that bit of bonding gets interrupted by a cruel twist of fate: Rhyme’s sacrifice and subsequent erasure. In which Beat, in a mix of grief and desperation to save his little sister, begs to and subsequently joins the Reapers, much to Neku and Shiki’s shock.

And then, Kitaniji asks Beat to do one task to show his dedication to the Reaper cause: kill Neku! (and Joshua). Initially, Beat tries to draw upon his dislike of Neku from the start of the game to motivate himself into completing his task but he just can’t go through with it no matter what, a feeling that only gets worse when Neku gives him Rhyme’s pendant that he dropped, thus invalidating Beat's previous resentment towards him. Seeing Neku go out of his way to return something precious to Beat even after he had antagonized him throughout the week causes Beat to drop his animosity completely and the next time we see him, he’s rescuing Neku from a unwinnable scenario by becoming his partner in Week 3.

From then on, we see Neku and Beat’s dynamic start to become more whole, opening up to each other more and helping the other through their struggles and ultimately culminating with them becoming genuine friends by the end. By the time W3 starts, they’re the only actual Players left in the Game, in the middle of a life-or-death situation, AND have the entirety of the UG after them due to Kitaniji activating Emergency Call. With circumstances like those, it’s no wonder they become as thick as thieves. Beat relies on Neku to help keep his head on straight and set him on the right path so that his temper and rash personality doesn’t end up screwing them over when things get rough, something Beat can't afford whatsoever when it comes to his mission of trying to save Rhyme.

Likewise, Neku relies on Beat to help keep his feet moving instead of allowing him to wallow in his own head when aspects such as Hanekoma potentially becoming the Composer becomes emotionally and be strong enough to catch him when he stumbles and falls. On top of that, he also trusts Beat’s emotional intelligence and honesty in matters such as when Beat convinces him to spare Uzuki and Kariya.

You see this dynamic persist in NEO as well even after all of the time they spent separated, in which Beat is heavily implied to have physically searched for Neku throughout all of Shibuya (remind you of anything?) and even take up some of his aspects, like the headphones, to honor his friend. And considering how Neku has helped him save his little sister and supported him when the chips were down, it's honestly no wonder.

Beat even flat out admits to Nagi that he was in some measure putting up a front to mask his fears and doubts and is quite calmer when Neku is around compared to NEO’s weeks 1-2. Not that his hot-blooded energy is gone but he notably isn’t as prone towards picking fights or shouting. Meanwhile, Neku is out of the loop after having been away for three years but Beat is again there to pick him up where he falters and help guide him around. The two of them are best friends through and through.

By contrast, we have Rindo and Fret, whose dynamic is quite different from Neku and Beat’s but is nonetheless just as well-written. I think the start of the game does an excellent job at setting up their relationship, where their early dynamic is fully on display in which Fret drags Rindo around and Rindo just casually goes with it despite internally bitching and moaning along the way. Like Beat and Neku, their friendship is mutually beneficial towards the other but in a much more casual and "shallow" way that’s very interesting.

They both want to be around one another in order to cover up for each other’s faults and their flaws feed into a loop that prevents the friendship advancing so that they don’t have to try but when it actually comes under serious strain, the flaws are exposed. Rindo being closed-off and content with just letting things stay on the surface level is perfect for Fret since he doesn't need to address his true feelings whatsoever and also fulfills his desire for someone to talk to because Fret is a pretty social guy and the class clown, letting him ignore his own problems. For Rindo, Fret allows him to also fulfill his desire for social companionship while not digging too deep and delude himself into thinking he’s autonomous and avoid the hurdles that comes with decision-making, which Fret is aware of and fine with because he’s more of a follower. The restaurant choice at the beginning of the game is a perfect example of this. At first glance, you think it’s just Rindo making a choice until you realize that it’s mainly Fret narrowing down the choices for Rindo without his input and he’s perfectly okay with that.

You also see this pop up again when Fret makes Rindo the leader of the group ALSO without his input so that he doesn’t have to get emotionally invested in the role and put the spotlight on himself. And initially, both are content with this and continue this dynamic throughout the first week of the Game, that is until shit hits the fan in Week 2. With the stakes becoming far more apparent and serious than they initially thought, and having to start another Game after getting cheated out of their victory, along with Sho just flat out ditching them and leaving the team to fend for themselves, tensions start to rise high between Rindo and Fret, which this ends up putting a strain on their relationship and we see the flaws in the friendship get exposed.

They start becoming more casually dismissive of each other’s interests whereas before they were just cool with whatever with Rindo not giving any regard to Fret’s interest in fashion and Fret mocking Rindo’s friendship with Swallow out of frustration, where Fret is pushing for Rindo to do anything regarding them considering Swallow's obvious involvement in the Game, and Rindo doesn’t want them to get upset so he pushes the issue away for later. Whereas Rindo is getting frustrated with Fret's self-defeatist attitude while not doing anything to help out with the situation that they're in, thus having them go back-and-forth and arguing with one another.

What makes this hit harder in hindsight is that this aspect was always apparent when you look back at the beginning. They bicker, like, a lot and the most noticeable example in W1 is the Nagi argument, where Rindo doesn’t see how she can help, worried about being held down by strangers, while Fret pushes for recruiting her, worried about having to handle a tougher burden on his own.

The part where they were in the ramen shop at the start of the game also does a good job at setting up this kind of relationship. Fret didn't know that Rindo played FanGO or was friends with Swallow, which heavily implies that they don't know that much about each other before entering the Game and later on, you see how Rindo constantly keeps Fret at arm’s length and opens up mainly to Swallow while Fret didn’t even talk to Rindo about his best friend that committed suicide. And in Week 2, these aspects become far more pronounced and the two become far more prone to taking passive-aggressive shots towards one another, culminating in their argument at the end of W2D4. I think what Rindo says to Fret in particular here is pretty telling of how he doesn't think that Fret is taking the situation seriously in spite of him actually showing otherwise what with his constant prodding. It's also hilariously indicative of Rindo's hypocrisy considering how he's constantly relying on others' input before making any actual decisions on his own, such as with Swallow in the very next scene and the day after.

However, despite all of this, they still do genuinely care for each other. Rindo’s first use of Replay was spurred on via wanting to save Fret from getting flattened by a truck and Fret is always pushing Rindo towards becoming more and more decisive in small ways. Most notably, when everyone except for Rindo gets erased by Soul Pulvis and he’s the only one to make it back to the UG, who’s the first one he calls out and tries to look for? Fret.

I’ve seen some people complain about how Rindo and Fret’s friendship doesn’t feel especially deep when compared to some of the other relationships in the series when I’d argue that’s the entire point. They’re not childhood friends who know every single thing about each other from the start unlike some JRPGs out there or a duo who starts off hating one another before gradually becoming closer to one another due to the stakes of the situation they’re in. They’re really casual school friends who keep each other at arms’ length out of an attempt to keep themselves protected. Their relationship is interesting to analyze because it's layered, much like a real friendship would be, due to them dealing with their own personal issues. And yet it never feels like one can just call it shallow or deep and have either be a definite despcriptor, just a well developed bond. Fret is still reeling from his previous best friend’s suicide and Rindo has social anxiety out the ass so their bond makes perfect sense.

And on top of that, they do gradually become closer to one another. Fret starts taking Rindo’s interests more seriously, even becoming disgusted at Motoi on Rindo’s behalf and sad for him as well as showing understanding to him concerning his Swallow situation.

And Rindo starts taking Fret more seriously as a person, with W3D3 being a prime example. He brings up the possibility that Kanon is acting strangely and might be possessed, brings up calm, rational points that the others have no choice but to agree to and doesn’t try to force Fret to keep his feelings for her down, rationalizing that there might just be another way to save her and assuring him that it’s ultimately Fret’s choice because he respects his input. And when Fret shows up anyway to try and save Kanon, he doesn't hesitate to support his buddy in his endeavors and does his damndest to help. On top of that, he becomes far more supportive towards Fret’s interests, particularly with EleStra, and is happy for him.

I think that shift from the ingenuine to genuine is what NEO excels at with its character relationships and by the end, you can really see Rindo and Fret really coming together as friends that genuinely respect and trust one another.

Neku and Beat’s friendship is much more bombastic and in-your-face while Rindo’s and Fret’s friendship relies on the more little details and I think both work well for their respective game and themes. You have the story of a distant and hostile kid having developed into a more personable young man using his lessons to relate with a seemingly gruff and bullheaded guy only to find a shockingly self aware young man who hates himself and lost his only support become more sure of himself vs. the story of two seemingly close friends grinding against each other due to their underlying issues surfacing, deepening their bond through their honesty and growing self-awareness. The first is more conventionally written while the second is a bit more subtle and requires deeper inspection in order to get the full picture.

[babsvibes]

How would an older Logan and Rudy act towards each other? I specifically want to know what their dynamic would be like if Logan is dating Louise. 

Bless you for adding specifics. I receive some of the best asks, but I end up copping out by saying “it depends” a lot because yeah what kind of situation or story is this? You have given me a gift!!

Originally, I think Logan would be apprehensive about meeting Rudy like this guy was her first kiss and best friend? He’s obviously going to be in love with her. The second he meets Rudy and sees him interact with Louise it clicks for Logan like ohhhh Rudy’s like her puppy. There is absolutely no romantic or sexual tension at all. From then on he’s more indifferent to Rudy, caring about him in the sense that Louise cares. He’s also probably disrespectful in a harmless way like, after Louise gets back from hanging out with Rudy, Logan would ask if she took him on a walk and made sure he was hydrated.

Rudy probably just brushes off the comments (think like his little Oh. after Louise says he’s going to be the one that dies in any situation). Yeah alright he’s picking up that Logan’s being an ass, but with friends like Louise he’s used to the jabs. Rudy might try to be friends because he’s sweet like that. There’s not much for them to really connect over besides Louise, and it becomes more obvious over time that Logan’s humoring Rudy. Logan cares about a select few people, and Rudy hasn’t made that list yet. I’m not quite sure how Rudy would react to that ie: try harder to be friends or let this one go. I’m leaning towards let it go, so they’re more like friendly acquaintances with a bit of teasing thrown in.

I did have one fic idea where Rudy tries to intervene because he thinks the way Louise and Logan talk to each other isn’t healthy (really insulting pet names), and that would kind of explore how healthy relationships can look different between different people. Louise sends Logan and Rudy to the grocery store for some ingredients, and the whole way Rudy’s trying to initiate this conversation. Logan tries to brush it off, but Rudy’s persistent and won’t be pushed over on this point. This leads to an awkward moment where Logan snaps in the middle of the aisle and says Louise being mean to him makes his dick hard and that’s just the way life is sometimes. Rudy considers using a can of beans to knock himself out to pretend he didn’t hear that.

All in all, I think Logan and Rudy interacting would be fun, but there’s no new best friendship blossoming. Okay now you tell me what YOU think!

[itsnothingofinterest]

Well that’s an interesting question. It’s one I think we already know the answer to (or at least what the answer was), but what say we ponder it anyway to speculate on what it’ll mean for next chapter and how the whole fight’ll play out.

Up until now, Toga hasn’t had a villain name seemingly because of her insistence that she doesn’t warrant it; she is a normal girl who merely loves in her own way. Sure she lives on the streets or in caves & fights alongside terrorists against heroes, but that’s because society attacked her first, was hostile to a normal girl like her first. It’s what has to change to accommodate a normal girl like her.

But that’s been her answer up ‘till now. So now that she’s asking herself this vital question about her origin again, what kind of answers might she give and what could that mean for her?

Well she could hold fast to her convictions above; she has no villain name because she is just the girl Toga Himiko, fighting for her life against government agents who want her dead and killed her friend already. Perhaps if she says as such out loud; it could lead to the final breakthrough in Uraraka I’m hoping for where she realizes how much Toga is motivated by fear for her life and we’ll finally get somewhere there. I really feel whatever final resolution comes between these two is gonna be based on the two sympathizing with & understanding each other.

Which, speaking of sympathy between the two; I wonder if Toga might look at Uraraka’s strange actions and see them as another way they’re alike, and embrace how that makes her weird and also normal. Because Uraraka is normal, that’s part of why Toga’s so interested in her, but if she’s coming to Toga after her side killed two of her friends for freaking girl talk in the middle of a war then she’s definitely a weirdo. Just like Toga. (Maybe we can get Uraraka’s poor background to come back to refute Toga’s ‘easy life’ claim while we’re at it.)

It’s also possible the villain name question will remind Toga that she doesn’t want to be a villain, which’ll be combined with Uraraka telling her killing & bloodlust is bad to get her to just quit. Not a fan of this one tbh. I just think giving the girl whose been fending for her life since middle school the violence & murder is bad breakthrough sounds a bit off. At least if the other side isn’t gonna address their own wrongdoing in the process too. And Toga just giving up without addressing the ‘heroes will kill me’ concern sounds more self-destructive than ever to me. But I’m listing it for completion.

Still, another possibility is to realize she isn’t normal anymore; look at all this chaos she’s been dragged into. And maybe she’ll be okay with that. Maybe she could embrace all this chaos and the roll she’s been forced into, finally take up a villain name, and entrench herself in her new family’s fight. In which case I am getting back on my ‘We are getting My Hero part 2′ BS because that is Dabi’s new ice quirk all over again. Much like when Bakugou got his hero name, that’s the sign of a new leg of a character's arc beginning, not said arc coming to an end.

And there’s other ways it could go down still. Guess we’ll see next...oh what’s that?...Taking a week off?...Well good for Horikoshi. Anyway, guess we’ll see in two weeks how this question plays out.

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

🔸December 21, 1974 – Melody Maker

Freddie Mercury: Queen Bee

by Caroline Coon

THERE’S nothing like a dearth of hero-stars to make a media industry writhe with despondency. Film moguls, unable to find successors to Monroe and Gable, are making a cult of anti-stars. But the pop industry needs the potent elixir, the excitement of using honest superlatives to sear through the blood, lifting the spirits. And pop scribes, like damp, weary pilgrims waiting for the dawn, have been aching to crown a new hero.

Then, just when the prognosis looked direst, with a dazzling whoooosh, darlings, up popped Freddie Mercury.

Suddenly we’ve discovered in our midst an exotic prancer, a quixotic chancer, an electronic Elgar who has penned some of the gaudiest, soaring rock and roll anthems to be heard in a decade.

Freddie, known for his meticulous attention to detail, couldn’t have planned his heir apparency better. He’s paid his dues. With Queen (Brian May — guitar, John Deacon — bass, Roger Taylor — drums) he’s had four years to survey the scene and build up the frenzied grass-roots following which left him impervious to the lack of affection in other quarters. However, with the delivery of Sheer Heart Attack, all the vehement dampeners with which critics received Queen’s two previous offerings have turned to outpourings of unrestrained enthusiasm.

Freddie’s wearing tight oyster grey satin pants, an antique market cream satin blouse and a scarlet velvet Victorian bed jacket. His hair is cormorant black, he flashes ebony eyes and his smile reveals a row of pearly white teeth which look ready to plunge into a meal of little girl burgers. He’s tapping the carpet with one white boot, the tabletop with a pen and for a moment I wonder anxiously whether I’m facing an irked prima donna. But “no, Mercury isn’t my real name, dear. I changed it from Pluto,” Freddie jibes. His gentle, deadpan camperie breaks the ice.

When you first formed Queen, did you aim pretty high, I asked. “That’s it. The whole group aimed for the top slot. We’re not going to be content with anything less. That’s what we’re striving for. It’s got to be there. I definitely know we’ve got it in the music, we’re original enough… and, now we’re proving it,” said Freddie, being uncharacteristically forceful.

You must have had a lot of self confidence? “You have to have confidence in this business. It’s USELESS saying you don’t need it. If you start saying to yourself ‘maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I’d better settle for second place,’ it’s no good. If you like the icing on the top, you’ve got to have confidence. I was a precocious child. My parents thought boarding school would do me good so they sent me to one when I was seven, dear. I look back on it and I think it was marvellous. You learn to look after yourself and it taught me to have responsibility.”

Your background is quite affluent then? “No it wasn’t as affluent as people think. It was middle-class. But I suppose I gave the appearance of being affluent. I love that. I still do. It’s all part of how you feel and how you project yourself.”

Freddie left boarding school when he was 16. He studied classical piano, to Grade 4, but being an arty lad, his parents encouraged him to develop this creative talent. “I went to Ealing Art School a year after Peter Townshend left. Music was a sideline to everything we did. The school was a breeding ground for musicians. I listened to Hendrix, really. I got my diploma and then I thought I’d chance it as a freelance artist. I tried. I did it for a couple of months, but I’d done it for so long I thought ‘my God, I’ve done enough.’ The interest wasn’t there. And the music thing just grew and grew. Finally I said ‘right, I’m taking the plunge, it’s music.’ I’m one of those people believes in doing those things which interest you. Music is so interesting, dear.”

Were you always a bit of a performer? “Well, on stage I just click. To be honest, performing comes quite easily realty. It doesn’t take me that much. I mean, I know it sounds conceited and there are a lot of setbacks and a lot of strains and nerves, but not nearly as much as there used to be. Now we are a headline band we know people have come to see us. Being support is one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.”

Yes, it seems as it the strain took its toll. Brian dropped out of the first American tour with hepatitis and Freddie was plagued with boils. “I tell you, I feel the after-effects of touring. We finished the British tour last night and I feel as if I’ve done a marathon every night. I’ve got bruises everywhere. Because it’s the music that matters, you’ve got to make sure there are key people around you, taking care of you.”

And now, what about the spectre of your success? Does it loom before you and keep you awake at night? “Quite often I have quite vicious nightmares — like the other night just before the Rainbow concert. We were sleeping in the Holiday Inn and I dreamed I went out on to the hotel balcony and the whole thing fell and I was a heap on the pavement. Really I was petrified when I woke up in the morning. And Roger has this nightmare where he’s drinking a bottle of Coke and the bottle smashes and he has broken glass all the way down his system. Ridiculous sort of things like that are caused by the tension which builds up.”

With all the energy you’re going to be putting into touring in Europe and America in the next few months, are you going to find the time to write? “Well, I don’t ever really sit down at the piano and say ‘right, I’ve got to write a song now.’ I feel a few things and I have ideas. It’s very hard to explain but there are always various ideas going through my head. ‘Killer Queen’ was one song which was really out of the format that I usually write in. Usually the music comes first, but the words came to me, and the sophisticated style that I wanted to put across in the song, came first. No, I’d never really met a woman like that. A lot of my songs are fantasy. I can dream up all kinds of things. That’s the kind of world I live in. It’s very sort of flamboyant, and that’s the kind of way I write. I love it.

“You don’t need money to give an air of being… ” he pauses, as if he’s afraid of revealing too much about himself. “I don’t know — sort of extreme. The showbiz thing of walking into a room and making sure that people know you’re there. I love being able to let myself go at times. The ideal thing for a group that is successful is to churn out more of the formula that worked. But we want to progress in our own terms.”

Will you have to take time off to write new songs? “It depends. Nobody knew we were going to be told we had two weeks to write Sheer Heart Attack. And we had too — it was only thing we could do. Brian was in hospital.”

What do you feel like under that kind of pressure? “Well, ‘Killer Queen’ I wrote in one night. I’m not being conceited or anything, but it just fell into place. Certain songs do. Now, ‘March Of The Black Queen’, that took ages. I had to give it everything, to be self indulgent or whatever. But with ‘Killer Queen’, I scribbled down the words in the dark one Saturday night and the next morning I got them all together and I worked all day Sunday and that was it. I’d got it. It gelled. It was great. Certain things Just come together, but other things you have to work for. The whole band is very particular. We don’t go in for half measures and I’m very hard with myself. There’re no compromises. If I thought a song wasn’t quite right, I’d discard it. I’m very intricate and delicate. You can see that in my paintings. I love painters like Richard Dadd, Mucha and Dali, and I love Arthur Rackham.”

You’re on the way to being a huge androgynous sex symbol. What does it feel like to know that there are thousand’s of lads and lassies out there who want a piece of you for themselves? “It’s a great feeling. I play on the bisexual thing because it’s something else, it’s fun. But I don’t put on the show because I feel I have to and the last thing I want to do is give people an idea of exactly who I am. I want people to work out their own interpretation of me and my image. I don’t want to build a frame around myself and say ‘this is what I am’ or ‘this is all I am.’

“To be honest. I’d like people to think there, is no falsity in me, because what I do is really my character. But I think mystique, not knowing the truth about someone, is very appealing. I’d be doing myself an injustice if I didn’t wear make-up because some people think it’s wrong. Even to talk about being gay used to be obnoxious and unheard of. But gone are those days. There’s a lot of freedom today and you can put yourself across anyway you want to. But I haven’t CHOSEN this image. I’m myself and in fact half the time I let the wind take me.

“I don’t go out to have very gay company but, I tell you, in this business it’s very hard to find friends — to have loyal friends and to keep them. Among my friends are a lot of gay people and a lot of girls and a lot of OLD men. The man I have as a chauffeur — we’ve, built up such a bond, it’s a kind of love, and I don’t care what people think about it. Putting people in different categories is unfair. You have to judge people on what they are.”

What kind of person are you? “How do you expect me to answer a question like that, dear! There are various aspects of me. The thing I treasure most, above music, is meeting people. I like being sociable, going out to functions and things and, generally, I’m likeable I think. But I can change and be very moody and obnoxious. I’m a sort of chameleon. Success is teaching me a lot of things and I’m adapting. You’ve got to learn to come up with decisions very quickly. There’s no beating about the bush in this business.”

Do you think you’re in control of the success trip? “We’re going to try to control it as much as we can. You’ve got to make sure that you don’t ever admit to yourself that this is your peak. If you admit to yourself that this your peak, then you’re on the way down. I really feel that we have so much more to offer. There’s masses waiting in store that we can give.”

How do you feel about the superstar label? “Honestly, labels like that are touch and go with us. We’ve been labelled so many different things and labels are as bad as they are good. If you took labels seriously, you’d be very silly. We were labelled ‘hype’ in the early days. We took offence, but we didn’t take it seriously because we knew what we were about.”

You told me earlier that you love affluence. Now that you’re on the way to becoming a very rich man, what are you going to do with your money?

“Spend it, my dear. I’m the one member of the band for whom money isn’t very endearing. I’m the one who spends it straight off. It just goes. On clothes and I like nice things around me.”

Pic: 1974 - Freddie Mercury posing

[moonfurthetemmie]

so with the addition of this lass, I'm (already) retconing lore.

Please welcome this alternate of a character that barely existed in normal JMV. Peridot; or, in this AU:

Alinda

She should have been the protagonist. The hero. But Gonzalo and Petruccio made sure she didn't have the chance.

Alinda managed to put all the pieces together of what’s happening. She tried to stop it. She kept it super secret, though. She didn’t want to get too many people involved, because she knew that those two would find out she was onto them quickly. She recruited a few people, yes, but not even her husband knew anything about it.

Her husband, by the way? Antonio.

Alinda was, at one point, military. She and Antonio both, though they retired from that when they found out they had a daughter coming. They both had ‘normal’ civilian jobs, and there was always at least one person home to take care of little Peony.

The actual reason Gonzalo and Petruccio targeted Antonio’s family is because they needed Alinda out of the way. Antonio is told the same thing that I originally said; that they just needed a sacrifice and didn’t want to put on a whole big show of it with just the two of them. But that isn’t true.

Gonzalo and Petruccio tried to destroy any notes or documents she made of what she found out. But there were many, many copies. Her cohorts had at least one each, and there were more in their ‘base’.

They found each of her teammates and their sets of notes.

They never did find their base.

Deimos, however, does. Entirely by accident.

Alinda was created by the Tree of Feelings. Having watched Gonzalo and Petruccio’s descent into madness, the Tree knew that someone needed to stop them. It intended to use the magic of the two spirits within it to create a third guardian to keep the other two in line, but they, unaware of its plan, stole the power themselves. The Tree had just enough magic left to make Alinda’s form and give her life, and a mission, but she has no magical abilities beyond unnatural physical strength and an extended lifespan.

As she didn’t have any magic, nor really any idea what she was supposed to stop Gonzalo and Petruccio from doing, Alinda wandered around a while. Eventually she stumbled into Antonio’s home AU, where she stayed almost exclusively until she found some way to reliably travel between universes, which likely involved some magical technology bullshit. However, by that point she’d gotten quite comfortable in this AU, and decided she’d just. Live there.

She joined the military for a number of reasons. Namely for the combat training, to be nosy and snoop to see if anyone’s heard anything about Gonzalo or Petruccio, and to try to find people who can help her deal with a couple of crazy bastards.

For a while she doesn’t find much. Gonzalo and Petruccio are keeping low. But slowly they start making Big Scenes™. They weren’t nearly as big as the shit they’re doing in the present, but enough that they’re hearing about it from other AUs. Alinda rallies her little group and they start making plans.

They have a hell of a lot of trouble, though. It doesn’t help that Gonzalo and Petruccio are constantly on the move, and they can never, ever predict where they’ll strike next. But they are getting some good intel. Bits and pieces. As Alinda gathers these bits and pieces to present to the whole group she goes “...oh. Ohhh no”

Sometime in the middle of all that she meets Antonio and they fall in love etc etc.

She’s. Unsure. When he asks her to marry him. She wants to. But it would be so dangerous…

So she says something like “I have a very important mission, that was given to me literally the day I was born. And it’s very, very likely that I would put you in danger just telling you about it. I love you. I really do. But I absolutely cannot tell you anything. I’ve got a few people helping me, but even that feels like too much, and god damn it I can’t put you in that danger. I’ll marry you, if you are willing to accept that I’m going to be hiding something very important from you.”

Lovestruck fool that he was, Antonio agreed. They were very happy together! Peony’s conception freaked Alinda out a lot but things had been very quiet for a while. And honestly, an excuse to leave the military, to have more time not only with Beloved but also to find Gonzalo and Petruccio, was…very tempting.

Alinda had a 20-point plan made for how she’d keep her family safe if Gonzalo and Petruccio found out about her, and a second, more complex plan for if they also found out about said family. She had taken all the precautions she could think of, and even asked her cohorts if they could think of anything else.

There’s a good chance Alinda knew they were coming. She called Antonio to get home quickly, and had Peony start packing, so they could run as far and as quickly as possible. At which point she’d have to explain everything to Antonio, but he deserved that much.

But Gonzalo and Petruccio moved in too quickly. She’d only just hung up the call with Antonio when they grabbed her and Peony by surprise.

Alinda had sounded nervous when she called, but did a very good job acting like it wasn’t a huge deal. Peony was already freaked out. She needed to stay calm. And Gonzalo and Petruccio acted like it was tooootally random.

Gonzalo and Petruccio decide that it would be a very poetic form of revenge to make Antonio work for them, after poor Alina tried soooo hard to stop them. Him turning out to be an excellent fighter was just a wonderful surprise.

A few years later, when Deimos stumbles upon the last remaining notes that Alinda and her team had compiled, he finds way, way more than he’d been able to figure out so far.

He’s heard the name ‘Yighraru’ before. He’s very alarmed to find out what manner of being Yighraru is.

He also finds some speculation on whether or not they’re going to try and summon Yighraru, or if they’re just going to sacrifice people to it. Some speculation on how the summoning might work, whether or not the dramatics are just Gonzalo and Petruccio being Gonzalo and Petruccio or if it has something to do with the worship of Yighraru. So on.

He takes the notes to the castle he and Phobos live(d) in. Makes a digital copy. Changes some keywords and names, rephrases a lot of stuff. Maybe organizes it better for himself. Then locks it behind a couple of different passwords, so that, hopefully, no one else can get into it, and doesn’t understand the significance of they do. But especially not Gonzalo, Petruccio, Bella, or (and it hurts him to even think it) Phobos.

He pokes his nose around the manor a little more, and makes a mental note of what the mysterious writer was right about, what was incorrect, and so on. He adds to the notes with his own discoveries.

He is now much better prepared that he was before. But it still might not be enough.

[get-your-fuckin-star-bitch]

[Unwinding AU]

Just realized that if things go generally the same as they do during Infestation and Human Remains… and Michael gets Basira’s statement later, and the tapes…………..

Cause he’d DEFINITELY still want to, now more than ever, cause she was the one who really knew things! And he feels completely lost in the middle of everything that’s been going on. He really, really wants/needs to hear some of his old mentor’s advice.

(Jon’d also be, uh. The way he is in the original canon, to an extent… lol. Though this time Michael’s probably his prime suspect… for, er… odd reasons. He’s ironically worried that some supernatural creature took Michael’s form and killed Gertrude to take the position, which is so close but also no, Jon, he’s just as scared as you…)

And of course he recognizes some of the files-

God, probably almost cries when he finally hears her voice again for the first time in way too long…

…Only to find that she’s… not who he thought she was. Not in any way, at all. Every single thing he thought he knew about her has just been thrown to the floor and shattered by the end of the first tape.

The archivist doesn’t know what to do with this information at all.

He just. Is a mess of emotions for a while after this. All of which probably isn’t helped by the fact that Jon keeps looking at him suspiciously/like he’s seen a ghost, every time Michael’s around.

CONTINUED BELOW, (this turned into A Thing again lol)

(OH YEAH OK FORGOT TO MENTION UH)

(So basically before this: Michael finally gets jumped by the door, terrified out of his mind… and escapes! Though not in the way people usually do it. And as he discovers very shortly after, the method has left a mark.)

(And now he’s struggling to fight the occasional compulsion to basically do murder, and he can’t look at his reflection cause it’s all warped and stuff.)

(Elias is very intrigued about this.)

(Still working out the details of many different events, which is why those bits haven’t been posted)

Anyway-

So the whole Jon thing isn’t helping him work out how Gertrude basically lying to him the entire time feels, much less how his actual physical/mental/creature state feels.

Not sure how Sasha and Tim are yet, but Martin is probably gonna be nice to have around in the middle of all this.

OOHHHH BOY HELEN

Michael goes for a walk while upset over a particularly world-shattering tape. Sees someone get trapped in door. Hesitates at first, but then runs after her, trying to help. Jon thinks it’s him when she comes in for the statement, until Michael comes in JUST after the door closed, cause he felt it open in JON’S office and even if Jon HAS been snarky, it’s “for GOOD REASON” and so he BURSTS in, panicking, and jon’s like “AH FUCK- WHAT-????”

So Michael’s briefly VERY relieved, and apologizes, then realizes that someone else must have been there- then gets the whole story and is mortified.

Just… walks away to lie down.

Does not even bother assuming his “normal” form.

Nearly gives Martin a heart attack when he walks in to make sure everything’s ok- but like he’s not even threatening at all, he just seems really, really not ok, so like… why panic?

He just asks if Michael wants a cup of tea, and Michael almost starts crying again, but from GOOD feelings this time, and thus Martin keeps Michael from falling down an awful downward emotional spiral simply by fucking caring. I love Martin so goddamn much.

Over time, Michael starts learning more and more about a lot of things, actually. He may have been wrong about Gertrude as a person, but he had been right about her maybe knowing stuff that could help him understand. VERY right, indeed.

And even though he now knows she lied to him, he still finds comfort in hearing her voice. On some level, he’s gotten it into his head that maybe she just did it in the hopes that he wouldn’t ever have to worry about these things… after all, hadn’t she once said something about how he “really should be quitting by now”, or something?

Regardless, he finds that he actually sort of likes the new face of the old woman. She had this sort of fire in her… and he wishes he could have really known that side of her. Gotten to experience it a little. I mean, come on- she was honestly a bit of a badass!

And this new image he has of her just makes him miss her even more, on a whole new level.

And then he starts to wonder if maybe she knew anything about the door, remembering how she’d reacted to that awful book, ages ago. Maybe she’d (posthumously) be able to tell him what’s going on with him, and maybe even how to fix it?

So he tries looking through her tapes for anything regarding doors.

He finds nothing.

Maybe… creepy mirror-people?

There are a handful of incidents involving that kind of thing, but none that describe his situation.

He does find the one about the stair dude, and has to take a day off work after that, but he’s starting to feel pretty sure there’s nothing in the archives that matches anything he’s seen.

…Until he stumbles upon that worker-in-clay statement. The one in “sculptor’s tool”.

Reads the date on the statement after reading over it, (not aloud, or on tape), and it clicks. The boat ride. The one that he almost thought he’d just dreamt because of how bizarre it had all been-

She had said they were going to Sannikov land.

No wonder she’d been so worried about the boat turning around… they’d been off to go stop “Gabriel” from succeeding in starting the thing that had happened shortly after! But it had stopped… so clearly they’d messed it up anyway, thank goodness.

…but…

…why hadn’t she mentioned all of this to him beforehand?

If he was supposed to help her in that mission, why hadn’t she told him anything about what they were supposed to do?

How could he help her if he didn’t understand?

…If he didn’t…

In a moment, all the recent conversations and interactions he’d had with with others came back to him at once, and he looked into the mirror at his distorted reflection.

…what was it she’d called it…?

“It is not what it is?”

Indirect answers. The door. Mirrors. Even his own appearance never quite showed the truth.

And he’d been subconsciously noticing how much he relied on the confusion and lack of understanding of others in order to-

No.

He was thinking too far into this- and going based off of almost nothing at all, and-

Dark.

Snowing. Crunching ground under feet and footprints in shifting snow and the world around is wrong. And yet is also right, it knows better, much better, and more than he does, it is more than he is, to it, he is nothing, and-

Map. Door.

Go through.

There is

no

Way

Back.

And he is gone, but no, he is elsewhere, he is

It is there.

The center.

Replace it.

No. No, no no no no no no NO-

The fear crackles and piles up into a buzzing crescendo as the feeling of his entire body being rent apart and reshaped like clay is etched into his brain. And no one is going to save him.

She wasn’t there. She had won. He had just been an offering.

She was satisfied.

He was screaming.

The image broke like glass around him and he slid to the floor, gasping for breath and clutching at his head, hands, torso- reassuring himself that he was still there.

Still… whole.

He was still in his office.

Still sort of held the statement in his hands… although-

Claws. Laughter, and laughter, and laughter that would not stop-

He frantically shook off the punctured paper with a strangled cry, willing the talons to go away.

His fingers returned to normal.

But the feeling — that horrible twisting sensation, like his whole entire being was suddenly just putty, held firmly in a pair of hands that were warping and stretching and pulling him apart — stayed.

…and then, from somewhere in the direction of artefact storage… someone screamed.

[help how do I tag this- my head /gen hurts 🫠]

[niko-jpeg]

All for Three (That random character asks)

1-7, 12, 16, 17, 20, 25, 27, 37-40, 42-44, 48-50

Alrighty! Thank you for the ask, some prompts may be a little weird as we're dealing with a half-canon-half-oc here just a little to better answer the prompt. Enjoy!! All of this is more or less concept, and may change, so do bare that in mind!

Canon that I outright reject

Three’s whole existence goes more or less against canon, so for this I’d have to say that the fact that she (or another character adjacent) wouldn’t even possibly exist just yet. 

A canon I will die on

Since I made her canon, this one was a little hard given the nature of the question. However, her bad habit of sneaking out late and night to go do other things or have fun or hang around other people like a normal bug is a better kept secret than you’d think it would be. Her mother knows. A few guards know. And one person in the town once recognized her, but that was about it. 

Obscure headcanon

Three met her grandmother (while she was asleep) before canon. 

Favorite line

“Oh, its been… fine. About as volatile as ever.” 

- Unreleased Bonus Content for “Chronicles of Chaos”

Best personality trait

She is, above all, empathetic. She is also loyal to a fault, which is more of a grey area.

Worst personality trait

Stubborn, occasionally snarky, and has very little respect for adults. Shes treated like a vase by most adult figures in her life, leading her to gain a distrust and a sort of disrespect. While she straightens up around them, she lies to their faces and tells them what they want to hear so they’ll leave her alone. 

…She also lies. Did I mention that?

age/height/weight headcanon

I headcanon that ‘Queen’ years are different from normal bug years, and as such, its hard to compare. However, she acts and is treated like a teenager, just a little younger than Nago (who is like, 16-17). As for height, I don’t quite have an official one for her yet. I’m thinking that she’ll be about Leif’s height, if not a little shorter. In original concept art, shes only a little taller than Vi. However, those were concept sketches lol. As for weight, shes actually pretty light! Sometimes gusts of wind can knock her over, haha. 

12. Crack headcanon

She was a little bit of an arsonist as a small child. Will I elaborate? No. 

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

Deep, deep down, she doesn’t know what she wants. Her opinions change depending on the person shes talking to, but she just doesn’t know. To her mother, she wants to be the best Princess, then Queen, she can be. To Zylah and Nago and company, she wants nothing more than to run away and never look back. Shes kind of hoping that the Ant Kingdom somehow shifts to a democracy, somehow some way, so she doesnt have to make a choice. 

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc that I associate with them

Jokingly, I associate the song Disco! In the Panic Room with her. But more seriously, I associate the saying ‘through thick and thin’ with her, the song ‘Apathy’ by Keyseeker, and glass and leaves with her :) 

20. Scars

She has a few. They’re mostly on her hands, which she awkwardly has to explain came from mishandling shards of glass in the past as a child. She has a burn scar from an undisclosed incident on her left foot, but its hard to see. 

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

At least one other person, a different set of clothes than her usual uniform, and the nearest local currency

27. Their guilty pleasure

She has a love hate relationship with troublemaking. On one hand? Its delightful. She loves to cause problems for fun, and get away with them for the thrill. On the other? She’s inconveniencing other people, which is bad and makes her a total ass. So she doesn’t, most of the time. Probably has something to do with the unchecked emotional baggage shes lugging around.

37. What they really think about themselves

She isn’t sure of what she thinks of herself as well. However, she is a teenager. Shes got room to grow. At the moment, her opinion on herself is mixed at best, convaluted at worst.

39. Favorite game

Astrid taught her to play basketball in the unreleased bonus Three content, so that for sure! She was never one for card games, but she also likes slap jack, hilariously enough. 

40. Favorite book

“A Brief History of Magic”! It was written forever ago, so its a little outdated, but its been a helpful resource for. Reasons. 

42. 3 comfort items

Her knife (as shown in her currently unreleased character reference. I should release this shit soon if I’m going to talk about it so much lol)

Her little rose pin

…A Brief History of Magic, she hides it in the library so its harder to find and check out. She isn’t super attached to many things physically, really.

43. 3 favorite foods, 3 they despise

She loves Nuts and berries of all kind! 

Dry Bread 

Mushrooms

Honey. She doesn’t like the texture

Shock Berries, for obvious reasons

Pudding. Another texture thing.

44. Their happiest memory

Precanon, it would be any time her mother even breathed in her direction, really. She wants to be a good daughter, but knows she can’t be what her mother is looking for, and values whatever attention she can get as she knows it won’t last. 

After Chronicles of Chaos (SPOILERS), it would probably be getting to give Muse and Leif some closure, and the night thereafter. 

48. Scariest moment in their life

Her first time in the Giant’s Layer, for sure. Yeah, her mom is scary, but not big-eye-and-hand-combo-coming-for-her-as-she-stumbles-in-the-dark-scared-out-of-her-mind scary. 

49. Favorite toy as a child

She liked a little aphid doll she was given when she hatched. Its still more or less in tact, sitting on a shelf on a stack of books.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

She doesn’t remember (because she repressed it), but when she was little, she knocked over a glass vase and a bunch of guards yelled at her for it, and I mean they were harsh as hell to this poor little like 8 year old with no spatial awareness. She wound up cleaning the mess, which is how she got the shards of glass for her knife a few years later.

[aks-of-the-weak]

Incipit: Alright, so when i went to sleep yesterday (14h00) i had this annoying migraine. When i woke up in the morning (21h40) it was still there and had gotten even worse. Sucks. So I’ve got this big glass of water with “0,4L“ indented on the side and i think “i’ll drink some water, that usually helps migraines“ and so i fill it up and take a swing and just don’t stop and when it’s empty i fill it again and again and again and 3 hours later i’ve drank like 3 and a half liters of water. The point i’m getting at here is twofold. First, whoever invented humans is a fucking idiot. “Oh, i know, when they’re dehydrated they’ll just get a nondescript throbbing at the top of the head signifying absolutely fuckall to them.“ - Absolute fucking dumbass. Second, right now i’m actually in the best possible state (Thematically, not Mentally) to improv write this next sign:

2nd Post: Aquacin (#45), The Sign of the Ravel. A Ravel means a tangled object if i recall correctly, i’m not regoogling it.

Constellation: The sign is composed of three parts, a straight segment on the left, a sharp corner on the right, then the piece in the middle which is the other two stuck together, y’know, like, they’re tangled together. Nice going past me. A previous iteration had the design be just 3 times the middle part, and at that point the first possible symbolism was a bit obvious. It’s a chain (see first picture below). But that’s booooring. Like, a blood symbol themed around chains? Look at mister original over here. Chains isn’t even what people think of when they hear ravel (or more commonly, Unravel). They think ropes, knots, fabric, maybe even electric cords. So instead, why not something more like... (spends several minutes fucking around in GIMP) This! (see second picture below). A wand with a knot. Why? What does it mean? Well, first of all, it’s abstract and mystical looking and bizarre and looks cool. But searching for more precision, the first thing i think of is Bridge Locks (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_lock). This might be a cool element to characterize around later, but the connection with the symbol is a bit thin, so let’s keep searching. The second thing i think of is the japanese tanabata festival (just learned that’s how it’s called) trees (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanabata#/media/File:七夕_(19545533256).jpg) where people write wishes on pieces of paper and tie it to a bamboo. Scouring that wiki page, wish trees (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wish_tree) are actually a thing throughout the world and throughout cultures. some of them have things tied to them, some of them have coins in their bark and all of them are freaking awesome. So here’s the idea, a myth for how the constellation was born. There’s a big tree once upon a time. A powerful figure of some kind, a god or hero, ties something to one of the branches and makes a wish, possibly for love if that ends up being a theme of the character later. Later, a hero goes up to the tree, hacks the branch, and crafts themself a wand without ever removing the tied item in order to benefit from the figure’s power. they go about their epic saga doing whatever it is that ancient myth heroes do, and at some point in it the wand gets flung out of their hand and into the sky where it is immortalized as a constellation. Dope.

Lusus: I spent quite a bit on the constellation, so i going to try to get the lusus done quicker, i don’t think it’ll be too relevant to the character this time. It’s an eel. An eel. It’s an eel with a tie. A neck tie, all dad-like. An ambiguous length of its body is inside a big piece of wood-looking coral. Actually, scratch that, it’s in a small tree. An underwater tree. Its body is probably all tangled up inside, but we don’t know that, we just get the sense of it from how it keeps doing head thrusts that slowly drags the whole thing around on the ocean floor. Otherwise it tries to appear to others as serious as possible as much as possible.

Physicality: Ok here’s the deal. It’s a dude. He’s got a necktie. He looks a bit like a loser. He can’t be a girl because girls usually look too cool with a necktie. Hair is messy, like every shonen protagonist messy, but his suit is impeccable. Here’s the secret, the big character reveal that’s dropped at like the 1/4th of the story, late enough to be surprising but early enough to cement itself in his character. It’s a clip-on tie :o. FOOL CAN’T PUT A NORMAL TIE ON WITHOUT MAKING A FCUKED UP KNOT THAT LOOKS RIDICULOUS, JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. (not judging if *you* have trouble with ties, or anything. this is just kidding stuff). So we’ve a messy boy, what about psychic powers? My HC for Violet blood psychic powers is... None. Haven’t figured it out. So he’s gonna have none, he was lining up to be a bit of an everyman archetype, anyways. Now that we’ve got a messy-haired loser everyman character, the obvious next step is to give him droopy eyes, a mumbly voice and a stubbled chin, right? WRONG! Remember, my man’s suit is I M P E C C A B L E. He has bright open eyes, a clear voice and the shavedest of chins. He tries very hard, every day, and if he’s a mess it’s solely because he sucks huge shit at basically everything (he just like me fr fr). His hands quake at the slightest of pressures, his eyes start to dart around at the slightest of calls for focus, he busts every craft, misses every target, loses every fight, but every time he gets back up, he cleans off his suit, clips his tie back on and combs his hair (which immediately goes back to its immutable messiness) having learned a bit more. A lot of hs characters often have minorer interests that don’t really matter or symbolize anything in the grand scheme of things (rose’s knitting, john’s magic tricks, jade’s gardening). For this guy, it’s roguelikes/lites. His strife specibus is rodkind. Not magic rods, not baseball bats or walking canes. just circular sticks of metal he uses to beat enemies over the head with. At some point he gets like an insane legendary weapon, but it’s just a metal stick with overly elaborate ornaments and such, so it looks ridiculous.

Personality: For the narrative, he would either be an unproblematic prince meant to subvert the lowkey implied idea in homestuck that princes are supposed to be evil or problematic, or he would be a non-prince villain with a sympathetic backstory. The problem is, i don’t want to make a habit of mentioning class in these because it generally limits the character’s possibility at this stage of its inception. The problem’s problem i just did that. So, fuck it, turkey-off ham-on, guy’s a prince as well as not a complete piece of shit. Princely narratives are based around the character owning great power in excess and abusing this power in a way that proves self-destructive, the form of the power in question being variable based on the aspect. Here, the character’s power evidently comes from their tremendous perseverance. Perseverance isn’t a classic association of blood, but i think it fits a bit considering breath is associated with malleability. I would still like a thicker connection, tho, and it’s a perfect occasion to tie in with physical appearance. Why *does* this character take such good care of his appearance? Another strong theme of blood is responsibility, duty. Perhaps if The Man feels the need to put in so much effort, it’s out of a sense of duty for “something?”. In that case, since it manifest primarily through their appearance, maybe they don’t even need to actually be competent, they just need to seem it. A man who’s spent countless years working tirelessly to show a level of competence that is in no way natural to him, in order to righteously represent the people he does. Maybe a country? a community? a political party? a kin, be it of blood, of heart or of mind? Whichever, it’s the fear of failing these people that keeps him going, and that eventually breaks him. My man needs a break. I failed to mention it earlier, but, yes, if he’s a prince and his perseverance is Blood, than his perseverance is a toxic influence to him, something he has to let go of but can’t. For the previous options of what it is that pushes him, i prefer the options that are fundamentally good things, like community and kin. The alternatives, political party (ties well into blood tho because diplomacy is somewhat connected to blood) has him more as a victim of his circumstances than of his own making. With positive groups pushing him there’s also room to tie it with bridge locks and the constellation myth. The narrator can be all like “Eternal love is beautiful, of course, but it must not be confused with eternal commitment.“ or something.

Excipit: Ok this is pretty much all, but there’s a few more things. About the strife specibus, each rod the character uses always has something tied to it. Like the first one has ropes above the hand position to form an improvised guard. And then maybe another one has a ribbon. Then he alchemizes the first and the ropes become sorta tendrils that move around of their own will. Who knows, i think that element gives potential for making fun creative weapons while keeping the idea of “lol, it’s just a bar“.

I’m not trying to make this a daily thing or anything. If you see this from the traveling through the homestuck hashtag, sorry to bother you with my silly character spitballing. I gotta go now, lest i miss my deterministically set bed time (15h00) (it advances 1h every day) (that’s how it got to there) (it’s a problem).

[deliriousmonk]

The Fine Art of Surfacing; A Very Late Review

Back with a vengeance (and a whole lotta gloves. It’s cold!). I'm extremely ashamed of this; hopefully nobody sees it. Anyways, enough of my yammering. Let’s boogie!

Someone’s Looking At You

Fingers kills it yet again on the keyboard. Would be an excellent song to show to someone with anxiety. When the feds wiretap me, they’ll be hearing this on the line. 

7.5/10. Not my favourite song, but it’s pretty damn good. The best part about it is the lyrics.

2. Diamond Smiles

I do not remember Diamond’s smiles. Sorry! What I do remember is the trumpet around the end of the song; that added a fun little kick to an upbeat song about suicide. Which, haven’t we seen that on ATFTT? This is more anthem-like though.

9/10. Listened to this on repeat!

3. Wind Chill Factor (Minus Zero)

By Jove, that intro is strong! Third favourite song on the album. Geldof sounds a bit different here; less staccato than usual. Very funky song, could dance the Robot to it. VERY New Wave. A mystery as to why it’s not an overplayed radio classic.

10/10!!

4. Having My Picture Taken

“Hold it fellas, watch the birdie!”. I originally thought it was beard instead of birdie, which confused the crap out of me. Then again, why the fuck does Geldof have a bird? Best part of it was the guitar. I have a feeling I would’ve hated this in middle school.

10/10. 

5. Sleep (Fingers Lullaby)

Apparently Kanye sampled part of this song? Don’t really care about that. Even though this isn’t like the lullabies yo momma sang to you as a baby, I would absolutely fall asleep to this and  have dreams of actually being able to read sheet music. This song is excellent! It has this nice repetitive thing going for it, which is really relaxing. The chorus is kind of chanted at you in this hypnotic way (and the vocal harmonies are just pleasant). Relatable subject matter… why can’t I close my eyes and go to sleep. 

11/10. I don’t care that the scale only goes to 10! It’s my favourite song off this album. 

6. I Don’t Like Mondays

Before I get crucified for this, just remember I gave this song a 9/10 (that is a perfectly good score! Be happy). I just can’t give it a proper ten because of how much it’s been played… and I also associate it with a strange comment about Brenda Spencer. Eugh. Still quite good, and the lyrics make me think. 

What even is life? 9/10. 

7. Nothing Happened Today

Too true. Percussion knocked it out of the park; started this track off with a bang. It’s got a nice tempo. My favourite part was that bridge; everyone lied to Harry Hooper, the poor sod.

I really need to learn how to describe music better. 10/10

8. Keep It Up

If the “it” they’re talking about is the synth, hell yes! I don’t have much to say about this song other than I enjoy it. Probably not everyones cup of tea.

10/10. Will go into my “General Good Music” playlist.

9. Nice N Neat

Second favourite song on the album. If Sleep is a night song, this should ideally be played mid day. Since I’m real big on theology (as always…) these lyrics gave me a laugh;

We'd take a recipe for religion

And bring it to the theological kitchen

Mix it up to make our own concoction

Real neat groove; gets a 10/10. 

10. When The Night Comes

Damn depressing, but it's a good story. Is that acoustic? I can’t tell, my headphones are all messed up. I don’t really have much to say about this song for some reason.

8/10.

11. Real Different 

I. Love. B-sides. For some reason I got a notification saying “If the spud fits, wear it” while listening to this (specifically the part where Geldof says ‘stop and turn away’). 

12. How Do You Do?

This isn’t similar to the Beatles at all, but I was reminded of them. I feel a little racist towards Brits now? Quite punk rock, rebellious in nature. Feels like it wouldn’t be super out of place on their first album, but I might be wayyyy off base.

10/10. Could (and would) dance to this in a public space.

13. Late Late Last Night

AliasJoeRibidiumPaulø… what were you on? Must’ve been something you ate last night. Okay, enough with my corny jokes. I like this song, but it’s not the best on the album. It’s main redeeming quality is it's lyrics (which I can barely keep up with).

7/10? It’s not bad but I just don’t care about it right now. 

Okay… overall album rating: a 9/10! A Tonic For the Troops tops it e-z though. 

I think the next album I’ll “review” (a.k.a. stammer on about pointlessly) will be either In The Long Grass or V Deep. Time to go hibernate again.

[ellie-e-marcovitz]

Six: Calm before...

prev.

He exited the Defence classroom, again feeling a touch aimless. Professor Weasley had wanted to see him after classes… But he had not a clue as to where the main Transfiguration classroom was in relation to where he was now.

Fishing out the Field Guide, it seemed Professor Weasley was of the same mind. There was a message from her.

I see that you’re done with classes for today, and I am currently in-between mine. Come and see me as soon as you can. – M. Weasley.

Below was a set of brief instructions to the Transfiguration classroom, which he tapped. A miniature map appeared, and he followed it the best he could. Barring the door jamming on him, he made good time.

He even found another floo flame, tucked next to the door into the courtyard area.

Crossing the Transfiguration Courtyard, he admired the serenity of the space almost in the middle of the castle. A good place to study, no doubt.

The Transfiguration classroom was just off the courtyard, tucked away in a far corner. The door seemed wholly unremarkable, as he climbed the steps to it.

He knocked twice, before pushing open the door. Professor Weasley’s voice floated out, as he entered.

“…was thinking the same thing, Deek. Perhaps you could –?”

It was a large room, light flooding in from the windows at the front. He could hardly take the whole room in, or knew where to look.

“Oh, excuse Deek,” came another voice, before a pop echoed through the room, and he approached professor Weasley.

“Ah! There you are.” She came and stood in front of him, a kind smile on her face. “I trust your first day of classes went well?”

“They… did, professor.” He wondered if she’d meant his first classes, but shrugged it off.

“I heard as much from both professors Hecat and Ronen,” Professor Weasley agreed. “It seems Professor Fig has taught you quite a bit before you arrived. I’d wager good Galleons that there’s a good deal more to your travels here than what you’ve told me – isn’t there?”

He gulped. He really didn’t feel comfortable lying to Professor Weasley, considering all she’d done to have his first day here go so smoothly. But if the headmaster found out…

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Professor, but there’s nothing more.”

“I see.” There was an implacability to her voice, as if she’d resigned herself to a long wait. “Like trying to get a sonnet from a Streeler.”

He was left a little confused by that. He’d have to look that up later.

“Regardless,” Professor Weasley continued, “you must continue to build upon what you’ve learned. In that regard, I have asked your professors to help hasten your progress with some extra assignments.”

“I do remember Professor Ronen mentioned something about that,” he told her. “About an assignment after reading my summer charms essay. As did Professor Hecat.”

“In fact, Professor Ronen will meet you outside, in the courtyard, when you’re done here. He will assign you your first one then. Now,” she switched topics. “About that trip to Hogsmeade I mentioned earlier… We have arranged for you to replace the supplies that you lost on your way here – including seeds, potions recipes and spellcrafts.”

He nodded. Those had been in the smaller trunk that had been destroyed by the dragon. “Thank you, Professor.”

“And Mr. Ollivander will connect you with the perfect wand.” Professor Weasley gestured to the borrowed wand he was currently using. “You’ve been managing well with a borrowed wand, but I think you will find that the magic you cast with your own to be far superior.”

He agreed with that, but felt anything new here wouldn’t compare to his original wand.

A question bubbled up in mind, one re-emerging from when he’d originally gathered his supplies. “I’ve been wanting to ask this, professor, but what’s a spellcraft? I’d never heard of one until arriving here.”

He honestly felt like an oblivious idiot at times, despite arriving in Britain two? years ago.

Professor Weasley gave an understanding smile. “A spellcraft is like a recipe, of sorts, and is used when conjuring objects. I shall certainly explain more when it comes to you beginning to work with Transfiguration magic.”

He nodded. “And you mentioned Mr. Ollivander… Is there an Ollivander’s in Hogsmeade? I remember the one in London, sort of, but…”

“There is,” Professor Weasley confirmed. “Most are familiar with the shop in Diagon Alley, currently manned by the eldest Ollivander son. But we’re fortunate to have Mr. Ollivander nearby. He is a genuinely skilled craftsman and a highly skilled wandmaker. I would trust no one else to pair me with a wand.”

He nodded, excitement building. “I’m eager to get to Hogsmeade.”

Professor Weasley laughed a little. “Very well. I’d like for you to make your first visit there with a classmate. Someone who can help you get your bearings. Perhaps either Sebastian Sallow or Natsai Onai? I’ve heard and noticed you spending some time with both?”

He internally snorted. The most he’d done was talk with Sebastian, in the Defence classroom.

“I’d like to go with Natty. I’ve enjoyed her company.”

Professor Weasley grinned. “Excellent choice. Miss Onai is one of our most talented students, and she does know the area. She’ll keep you well clear of Victor Rookwood and his undesirables en route to the village.”

“Rookwood?” he asked, the name nagging at him.

“A rather unsavoury local.” Professor Weasley’s expression was of dislike. “Best to avoid him and his associates – including, his right-hand of sorts, one Theophilus Harlow – if you can.”

He nodded. There was a good reason if Professor Weasley was giving him a heads up.

“Once you’ve finished Professor Ronen’s assignment, Miss Onai will meet you at the main castle doors as soon as she can.”

Further nodding, though he felt a bit confused as to which were the main castle doors. There were plenty of them, even from a brief glimpse of the map.

“No time to waste. The sooner you complete your work, the sooner you can enjoy a Butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.” A piece of parchment fluttered down on Professor Weasley’s desk, folding itself into what looked like a crane. “Ah, it seems Professor Ronen is ready for you in the courtyard, Mr. Northrup.”

She gestured towards the door, a clear but polite dismissal.

“Thank you, again, Professor,” he said, before hurrying out. Part of him wanted to explore the classroom further, another was wanting to escape to the castle grounds.

He opted for learning what Professor Ronen had planned. Anything that could get him exploring, he leaned towards.

Exiting, he spotted Professor Ronen over by the fountain in the middle of the courtyard, causing parchment folded into similar figures as the crane to float around him.

“Ah, there you are!” Professor Ronen greeted, as he reached the fountain.

“You have a new spell to teach me, Professor?”

“Indeed I do. An exceptionally useful one at that – the Mending charm, Reparo. Fixes things right up, and makes a broken object good as new, in the blink of an eye.”

He had vague memories of either Gwyneth or Kendal practicing that over the summer holidays, while Professor Fig was testing his abilities. “It certainly seems as if it could come in hand- well, be useful.”

“Indeed. And more frequently than one might expect, or imagine.” Professor Ronen grinned. “Now, Professor Weasley mentioned, I am not the only one who will be teaching you spells outside of your classes, in an effort to catch you up with your peers. A number of your professors have agreed to do so as well.”

He suspected that there had been a teacher meeting about this.

“But first, each will ask that you first complete a few preliminary tasks, so as to hone your magic.”

He wondered what they all had planned. “Might I ask why?”

“No lesson or lecture can compare to first-hand experience with the magic itself, and these tasks should provide you with just that. Such experience is invaluable when mastering any new bit of magic.” Professor Ronen grinned. “I have arranged a couple for today. See them through, and then report back to me here. We will have you casting Reparo in no time!”

He pulled one of the parchment cranes that were floating above him, unfolding it from the shape. “Your tasks.” He held the sheet.

He took it, not sure what to expect. “I’ll start on the task right away, Professor.”

“Good. And remember your Field Guide. It might be useful.” A quick wink, before Ronen set the cranes in motion again.

Opening his Field Guide, he stuck the bit of parchment inside, the short list appearing, complete with a mini map. Two spots were coloured purple. One was right in front of him, just past the benches.

 The other, right in the centre of the Defence tower.

He decided to first grab the one by the statue and then head into the defence tower.

Entering, he noticed it was a nice alcove, overlooking water. This is the right area, he thought looking around. I wonder where the flying page is…

He looked around, craning his neck as he saw the briefest glances of the page he was looking for. At least twice he spotted it, but reacted just a little too slow, his spellwork glancing off the ceiling or the statue to the far left of his position.

The flapping page seemed to taunt him. So, he refocused his attention. Third time’s the charm, after all… “Accio!”

“Got it!” he cheered, largely to himself, as it was returned to his Field Guide. One down, one to go. He glanced over at the statue to his left. There was something about it… so of course he had to investigate it.

He noticed a feather stamped in the middle of the base. Maybe… if he tried Levioso… “Levioso!” he aimed the charm at the sphere, which caused the statue to turn into a field guide page… or part of one, at least… It appeared to be a fragment on the inventor of Levioso and his life.

He stuck in his field guide, before turning his attention back to Professor Ronen’s task.

Entering the Defence tower, he looked around. A flying page must be around here somewhere… he wondered, taking in the high ceilings and artwork that decorated the area. A fluttering of paper caught his ear, and he headed up, pausing at an intersection of stairs.

He readied his wand, looking around for the sheet in question. The music from somewhere in the tower wasn’t helping him much.

It took another few tries, the first two glancing blows with nearby columns, before he managed to nab it, a few feet from his face.

Both pages gathered, he made his way back to Professor Ronen.

“Ah, there you are!” Professor Ronen greeted. “I trust the preliminary tasks weren’t too much trouble?”

He shook his head. “No, professor.”

“Marvellous,” Ronen grinned. “You clearly know your way around basic charms, so let’s give the old mending charm a try, then. Shall we? Wand out!”

He pulled the borrowed wand out, eager to learn this particular one. Kendal had been driving him spare, practicing it constantly over the course of this past summer.

“Now, remember to be deliberate in your enunciation and your movements – I want to see some vigour!” Professor Ronen held out his own wand. “Follow my wrist movement.”

He followed Professor Ronen’s swirling movement, before copying it the best he could.

“That’s it! Very good, Mr. Northrup. You are indeed a quick learner.” Professor Ronen seemed delighted at his quick uptake. “Now, if you would like to practice mending something, have a go at the statue in the alcove by the water.” He pointed towards the area where he found one of the pages.

“It allegedly symbolised heartbreak, so perhaps a jilted lover thought it too accurate and lashed out, destroying it.” Professor Ronen had a contemplative expression on his face, which seemed unusual. “That will be all for now. Enjoy your time in Hogsmeade.”

He nodded. “Of course. Thank you, professor.”

Returning to the alcove, he took in its surroundings. It was peaceful, even with the jarring lump of rock that was supposed to be a statue.

“Reparo!” he called out, feeling a rush of magic around him. Little bits of stone seemed to return to the building around him, but nothing happened with the former statue.

He tried several more times, each basically going the same way, and even throwing a Revelio in for good measure. But nothing happened. For all he knew, he’d fixed several cracks and breaks in the process.

But not that statue. He couldn’t even find the remaining pieces. Part of him suspected that they’d been thrown in this part of the lake.

He decided to try again later, maybe after eating something. Little did he know what was about to happen.

Heading back into Central Hall, he figured he’d kill some time before he heard from Natty. Reaching the central fountain, he spotted a Hufflepuff studying an interesting frame that didn’t seem to have a picture in it.

“Erm... hello?” he greeted cautiously. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m…”

He was bluntly interrupted by a very familiar figure, also wearing Hufflepuff robes and a look of utter shock. “Cyrus!? Is that you!?” she asked, before sprinting up the steps and throwing herself at him in a massive, rib cracking hug. “Oh my gods, you’re alright!”

“Hello Kendal,” he gasped. She hugged him again, before loosening her grasp and facing the other Hufflepuff.

“Lenora, my brother Cyrus. Cyrus, Lenora Everleigh.” She introduced them, and he politely shook hands.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lenora.”

“You as well. Pardon me if I seem a little distracted at the moment, but it’s this painting. Most everyone in the common room thinks I’m utterly barmy. Samantha Dale thinks I’m potty,” she scowled, gesturing towards the painting. “But I’ve never noticed this painting before now!”

Kendal seemed just as curious, before glancing at him. “Hmm… Neither have I…”

Lenora continued. “If I know Hogwarts, and I do, an empty frame just doesn’t appear without a reason. There has to be more to this.”

“Are there other empty paintings like this around the school?” he asked, his curiosity growing.

Lenora nodded. “Yes, a few. To be honest, this place is something of a riddle. I think, if I can work out the riddle of this particular one, I’ll know how to work out all the others. As good a place as any to begin.”

He and Kendal shared another look. “I noticed you studying one near the common room this morning,” Kendal noted, picking up his trail. “Have you picked up any new insights since then?”

Lenora nodded, clearly more at ease with his sister. “I did. Lumos has an effect of some kind, but I’m not sure what I need to do next.”

A stray thought crossed his mind and snorted. Perhaps a way to practice Lumos…? It wasn’t out of the question. “I’ll certainly look into it, Lenora. It could be intriguing.”

Kendal gave him a funny look, which he ignored. He’d try and explain it to her later.

Lenora sighed. “Well, I’ve been wracking my brains long enough. Maybe you’ll have better success than I have, I hope. Do come and find me if you find anything.”

He nodded, before Lenora headed off. Kendal’s expression grew annoyed. “Cyrus, what exactly is going on?”

He fidgeted with the strap of his bookbag, before pulling her over by the stairs and pulling out the field guide. “Professor Weasley gave this to me this morning,” he started, holding the book up to his sister. “I think that the portrait is meant to help me with Lumos.”

She looked at him as if he’d grown three heads and a tail. “How -?”

He shrugged. “I’m… I’m not entirely sure. But for some reason, I’m stuck in fifth year and I’m having to catch up on things I might have missed at Ilvermorny. Y’know, between all the fights and detentions.”

Kendal’s expression turned to disbelief, leaning back against the stone wall, clearly fighting her laughter. “Oh, wow. That’s – that’s insane, Cyrus.”

He nodded in agreement. “I might have also stumbled onto some answers to what caused this whole mess in the first place. Maybe. So don’t breathe a word of it.”

She nodded, miming buttoning her lips, clearly shocked. He hoped she’d keep that promise.

They headed back over to the blank portrait, and he tried Lumos. Which revealed a location, and one he kind of recognised. Kendal gasped, before tugging on his sleeve.

“This way…” she muttered, before tugging him back the way he’d come in. He followed her, Accio’ing another of the pages as they crossed back. He even managed to read a little bit, something about Godric’s Hollow.

Kendal darted down the stairs, before hurrying off to the left. He followed as close as possible, still getting used to the large castle. In-between the stairs and rather large statue, sat a jewelled moth, languidly flapping its wings.

“Lumos,” he muttered. His wand tip flared, and the moth darted to it, fluttering around the bright light. They stared it for a moment, clearly awed. “Back to the portrait then.”

It felt a little like when they were younger, following each other around the farm.

Reaching the portrait frame, he noticed the indentation on the front, just the right size for the moth currently circling his wand. He froze. How was he to turn it off?

“Nox,” Kendal said, extinguishing the light, and allowing the moth to settle into the indent. In a whirl of tinier moths, the portrait vanished, leaving behind a field guide page. It looked to be about whomever invented Lumos, or possibly a history on it.

Kendal looked at her watch and cursed. “Oh damn, I’m almost late for Transfiguration. Sorry, Cyrus. I’ve got to go. See you at dinner?”

Before he could reply, she hurried off. “Just tell Professor Weasley you were talking with me!” he shouted after her, before sighing.

He wandered back over to where they’d found the moth and looked around. A quick cast of Revelio revealed another field guide page and a Floo Flame point, marked for potions. He glanced at his field guide, unsure of where to go next.

There was the duelling club… or talking to Lenora, if only to let her know what they’d found.

Might as well. She wasn’t too far from his current position. Hurrying up the stairs, he spotted her overlooking Central Hall, reading a book.

“Lenora! I solved the painting!” he enthused, approaching her. She startled, turning to face him.

“You did?! How?”

“I followed the clues you mentioned, using Lumos. Kendal knew the location the portrait was showing, and we found a jewelled moth that I used Lumos to guide back to the frame.”

Lenora sighed. “All very logical, I suppose. It’s a pity - I was so close to solving it.” She pouted a moment, before resolving her composure. “You, and Kendal it seems, have a knack for solving riddles. Natty’s good at it too, so is Amit. Though he does tend to overexplain.”

She gave a tight grin. “Well, I’m glad someone’s figured it out at least. Here,” she held out a shrunken bit of fabric. “You might appreciate having this.”

He took it, not entirely sure what it was. “Erm, thank you?”

“You’re welcome,” she replied genuinely. “See you around, Cyrus.” Lenora walked off, muttering, “The moth! Of course, I should’ve seen that…”

He stuffed the fabric in his bag, unsure of what to do with it. He grabbed another field guide page, long range and set the map for the duelling club.

It was a dizzying path through the castle. Up one way, down another. He found the staircase leading up to the Ravenclaw common room, along with the adjacent floo point.

He summoned a page fluttering around the main staircase, before passing the stairs that led to the Gryffindor common room. He even travelled through a corridor filled with portraits of musicians, all playing their instruments.

It had something of a medieval festival feel to it and he stopped to soak it all in.

Entering the clock tower, another Floo Flame lit up and he spotted Sebastian, leaning against the wrought iron, nearby.

“Glad you could make it,” Sebastian grinned. “Lucan’s just over there.” The Slytherin gestured, almost lazily, towards the area behind him.

He nodded, acknowledging the words, his focus more on the familiar statue in front of him. “Levioso,” he muttered, revealing another field guide page, this time a whole one. Sticking it into his field guide, he entered the clocktower proper.

Looking around, there were a handful of students just hanging out, in between classes, or on their free period.

Which made the appearance of the youngest person there all the more interesting.

“Can I help you?” the younger student asked, as he approached, clearly not recognising him.

“Are you Lucan Brattleby?” he asked.

“I am. And you are-?”

“Cyrus Northrup. Sebastian told me to see you about a club…?”

Lucan’s face cleared at that. “If Sebastian vouches for you, that’s all I need to know,” he noted happily. “I’m the one who coordinates the duels for Crossed Wands. It’s a duelling club, of sorts. It’s also invitation only, so you must have really impressed Sebastian, one way or another.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I guess I’m flattered to hear that. Sebastian’s not a bad duellist either.”

Lucan seemed impressed. “Imagine it’s quite something to see the two of you duel. Heard from Hecat about your duel in her class.”

Explained a lot. Eyebrow still raised, he asked, “How… does Crossed Wands work, exactly?”

“You show up,” Lucan explained, “I match with other duellists and whoever is still standing in the end, wins.” A shrug of shoulders. “It’s our way of determining the school’s greatest duellists, once and for all.”

Sounded straightforward enough, and not unlike the duelling club at Ilvermorny, before he’d switched to Quodpot.

Lucan wasn’t entirely finished. “And, to liven things up, the winner is awarded a prize. Interested?”

It was certainly intriguing. “Certainly. Duelling can be an entertaining pastime.” He felt like he was lying a little through his teeth, but it could be useful, for the practice.

“I agree,” Lucan’s enthusiasm grew. “Besides, you can duel with a partner in Crossed Wands, if you like. I’ll pair you with Sebastian for your first time. Next time, you’ll need to bring a partner or duel alone.”

“Good to know,” he noted, filing that away. “Thank you, Lucan.”

“Anytime. So, care to step into the ring for the first time?”

He nodded. “Get me in.”

“All right!” Lucan cheered, as bouncy as the toy ball he’d been playing with. “You and Sebastian will be to the right of the pendulum. Let the fireworks begin!”

He headed over to the area Lucan had indicated, setting his bag off to the side, along with his school robe. Sebastian joined him, as two other students approached. One, the Gryffindor, looked no older than Lucan; and the Ravenclaw seemed about his age.

“Astoria Crickett and Lawrence Davies” Sebastian muttered under his breath as introduction. Astoria seemed to have a particularly nasty expression on her face.

“We’ll make you regret it,” she snarled, and he regarded her coolly. No need to rise…

Both Astoria and Lawrence raised shield charms, both tinged with the yellowish hue he’d seen earlier.

Sebastian decided to use a different spell. “Confringo!” he shouted, leaving a divot in the flagstone. He managed to dodge the worst of the debris, before firing his own spell into the fray.

The spells flew thick and fast, him mainly running defence, deflecting several Expulsos and even a rogue Confringo. Somehow, he managed to get through largely unscathed, maybe the odd bruise.

Lucan came over, grinning widely. “Nice work!” he congratulated. “Sebastian wasn’t wrong about you.”

“Thank you again, Lucan.”

“There’s strong competition ahead, but keep this up, and who knows? You could be the next school champion.”

“There is that. You can certainly count me in.”

“I shall.” Lucan’s grin threatened to split his face in half, before becoming somewhat serious. “Now, it does take time to organise these duels, but check with me in a few days. I may have something lined up for you then.”

He nodded in understanding. It probably took quite a bit of effort to stay ahead of the teachers.

“Again, congratulations on your first Crossed Wands victory,” Lucan finished, as the bells tolled above them. “Well-fought. Hope to see you back here.”

He gathered his bag, and found a message from Natty in his Field Guide.

Out of class, and I received Professor Weasley��s message. Ready to go to Hogsmeade? – N.

He grinned at the message. Now, all he had to do was find her.

Exiting the clock tower, he passed Lawrence Davies, nose in one defence textbook or another. “Just wait till I’ve grown a bit,” came the younger Gryffindor. “Then we’ll see how well you do.”

He entered the castle, still not entirely sure where to go. Casting a quick Revelio, he found two more pages, before deciding to explore the castle a little more.

It wasn’t helped by a mounting feeling of anxiety about the trip to Hogsmeade, for a reason he couldn’t explain, even if he wanted an explanation.

Dodging Peeves coming out of the nearby bathroom, he went through an unfamiliar corridor to try and avoid the mischievous poltergeist, before he too was caught up in the chaotic whirlwind. All he wanted was to see Hogsmeade and get what he was missing.

Ending up back in the Defence tower again, he pulled out the field guide, not sure if he was heading in right direction. The mini map had reappeared, pointing him back towards Central Hall.

Entering, it seemed he needed to dodge most of the student body as he crossed, as it seemed busier than before. The map pointed him to an area past the entrance to the Greenhouses, which seemed far quieter.

He stuffed his field guide into his bag, as he entered the Bell Tower area, and spotted Natty waiting near the doors. Hurrying down the stairs, he then spotted Eleanor waiting there as well.

She waved, clearly ready for an adventure.

“Looking for me?” Natty teased, as he approached, and he grinned.

“It’s good to see you, Natty. Eleanor. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long.”

Natty shook her head. “Not at all. I take it will be okay if Eleanor joins us in Hogsmeade? She mentioned wanting to join us.”

“I don’t have a problem with her joining us.”

“Good,” Eleanor grinned. “I wasn’t planning on asking twice.”

“You must be eager to have your things again,” Natty noted, breaking the moment. “And to be able to see the village.”

He nodded. “I certainly am. I’ve been looking forward to it.”

Natty shared a look with Eleanor, who seemed troubled. “Shall we set off? I believe we both intend to give you a first-rate Hogsmeade experience.”

He gestured forward. “We shall. After you.”

Chapter 7

[jazzypizzaz]

“Your tone is quasi-facetious but you do not realize that Taco Bell was the only restaurant to survive the Franchise Wars. So… Now all restaurants are Taco Bell.”

-Lenina Huxley, Demolition Man (1993)

The year is 2032 and all restaurants are Taco Bell. Quite what this means isn’t exactly clear from what we’re shown in the movie. Is it that all restaurants are owned by the Taco Bell company and are thus called Taco Bell regardless of their format, cuisine, or price point so that “Taco Bell” basically means “restaurant”? Or is it that the Taco Bell fine dining establishment we see in the film is the only surviving kind of restaurant so that if you want something to eat you either dress for dinner or make it yourself? I think the easier assumption to make is probably the first option, and while it might be fun to examine the implications of Taco Bell exerting influence on different kinds of dining establishments, it starts to take us a little too far from our source material.

Sticking with the “Taco Bell as futuristic fine dining” concept, we can turn to the task at hand: making a multi-course tasting menu in the style of a ninety second long scene from a middling sci-fi action comedy movie from thirty years ago.

My approach to this menu is to take Taco Bell’s innovative approach to structure as a starting point, obviously dressing it up a bit and pulling in some modern and sci-fi elements as well as some central and south american, caribbean, and spanish influences on top of the original Taco Bell tex-mex… thing. This represents not only innovation over time but the grasping tentacles of the capitalist octopus constantly reaching for any element of culture that they can seize, process, and sell back to an unsuspecting public.

So, let’s get to it.

Because the only food we actually see on-screen is these little nacho-canapes, I’ve decided to start with an Amuse-Bouche. I’ll not do a faithful recreation of what’s shown because it’s pretty clearly just individual ingredients on what looks like cut out limp tortilla shapes (next to a whole-ass habanero pepper). This is a perfectly acceptable effort for a few seconds of screen time that no reasonable person would scrutinize or recreate. Also it’s been recreated by others before, so a different fun little appetizer and it will be better. I’ll follow that with a soup course, because I find the notion of a Taco Bell soup amusing, and a salad course, because I’m going to serve this to my Par’Mach’kai who, like a guinea pig, demands distinct and discrete portions of vegetables. After that we’ll have two mains with a sorbet in between, and a dessert to finish it off.

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

These are awesome thoughts and I've likewise been rotating them in my head for the past couple weeks (uh, closer to a month now). Gonna try to answer this point by point.

Very long post under the cut

How does fem!Bertie end up developing gender-nonconforming tendencies?

Does a fem!Bertie who is easily overpowered by more dominant people and predisposed to anxiety even end up developing a penchant for drinking, misdemeanour, and betting on horses if she would be more punished for it and have less opportunities for it than canon Bertie?

This I think is actually quite easy to resolve. There's a perfect solution ready made in canon and that solution's name is Aunt Dahlia. Aunt D doesn't give a shit whether Bertie ever gets married or how he spends his time as long as she can still strongarm him into performing the occasional spot of grand larceny for her. She isn’t especially proper or feminine herself; she’s brash, loud, and assertive. She drinks and steals and swears and bets on horses. Her motto in life is take no shit and listen to no reason. And from what we know of her younger days doing the British fox a bit of no good, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that she might feel a certain kinship with a free spirited, tomboyish young woman and take fem!Bertie under her wing. There’s one story where Tuppy and Angela are in an off-again stage and Tuppy falls for a country girl who Aunt Dahlia describes thusly:

“A dog-girl. One of these dashed open-air flappers in thick boots and tailor-made tweeds who infest the rural districts and go about the place followed by packs of assorted dogs. I used to be one of them myself in my younger days, so I know how dangerous they are.”

If we assume fem!Bertie grew up being passed around between various aunts after her parents died, Aunt Agatha is the one who kept her on a short leash and punished nonconforming behavior. This might have driven her closer to Aunt Dahlia, who served as both a model for less traditional femininity AND a safe haven who let Bertie do whatever. I don’t see Bertie going fox hunting or getting really into all the outdoorsy activities—she’s a city girl at heart—but I do think Aunt Dahlia was someone she looked up to and may have emulated to some extent.

What is her relationship to the stereotypically feminine activities she'd be expected to participate in?

This a bit tougher to answer-- in part because now that I think about it, what do the female characters in these books get up to? We know that Madeline likes to play the piano and sing old folk songs. Florence writes novels. Corky is an actress. Honoria plays tennis. Nobody ever really mentions needlepoint or... a second feminine activity that I'm blanking on right now, as far as I can remember. I'm not really sure how to google this.

[these next two paragraphs were originally written for the next section but I decided they fit better here so that's why I'm suddenly talking about schools] Google gave me a couple names of schools that would be the closest female equivalent to Eton: Cheltenham and Roedean. I found this rather interesting book with some wild tidbits. Apparently in the 1930s Roedean taught bridge and wine tasting? And by 1910 it also had compulsory sports, which is interesting. Upper class girls' schools emphasized charity work. There's a whole section about lesbian relationships between students, which were apparently very common. By the 1900s, many girls' schools were influenced by Cheltenham to adopt the philosophy that girls "should have the same standard and type of education as boys." "Free of the classics, [Cheltenham principal] Miss Beale at first put the emphasis on history and literature. But the curriculum rapidly widened to include all the main academic subjects."

However, "academic standards were much more vitiated by the knowledge that, in a more fundamental way, it was all a total waste of time. They were never going to use any of this knowledge, even if well taught, these rich middle and upper class girls. They were not going to have jobs but babies, husbands, houses. They would benefit a great deal more from needlework, domestic science, and dancing classes--and these were all taught." [ah, dancing, that's the second feminine activity]

Alright, so that's interesting! We've got a couple feminine activities here, and according to this source, at least, it does sound like even upper class girls would have learned some home ec type stuff. So it's possible that fem!Bertie might be slightly less incompetent around household tasks than m!Bertie. I personally don't see her being particularly good at domestic science stuff or needlepoint--too much ADHD, for one thing. Makes too many careless mistakes. Dancing (I assume they mean ballroom dancing) she's probably pretty good at, and m!Bertie took dancing classes as a child too, so that's universal.

Are there any historical figures or traditions she would see herself in or hold dear in the same way that the knightly tradition is vivid in the mind of a male Bertie?

What I was actually looking for when I looked up all that stuff about girls' schools was whether they would have taught the same literature as the boys' schools. Bertie's knightly traditions seem to mostly come from Tennyson's Idylls of the King and various other classics he would have learned in school--but especially Idylls, which Wodehouse was a fan of also and references pretty frequently throughout the series. Perhaps if it wasn't taught in girls' schools, it's still possible that fem!Bertie might have had a brother and might have read HIS books.

In any case, I'm not super familiar with Arthurian legend, so I went to Google to try to dig up any information on whether there was a female character who might instill a comparable code to the code of the Woosters in fem!Bertie. From what I can find there doesn't really appear to be (if anybody with more expertise on the subject reads this, please correct me if I'm wrong). This article says that in some versions of the myths, there's a kind of "mutual chivalry" that emphasizes female agency and consent, where men and women help and support each other in the spirit of friendship, so there could be something in that. But I can't find any sort of general moral code for women directly equivalent to knightly chivalry for men.

Tangentially though, I did find a couple little interesting snippets on my travels. There was apparently one character, Nimue, who was sick of Merlin pursuing her despite her repeated rejections, so she got him to teach her magic and then trapped him in a tree. I could see fem!Bertie thinking about that story rather longingly. I also stumbled upon the fact that in Malory's version, Lancelot "states that he prefers to have no wife or paramours" because "sex with his wife would reduce his vigor in pursuing tournaments and combats." That's a sentiment I can imagine resonating with both m!Bertie AND fem!Bertie, though obviously relating to Lancelot would be more subversive in the latter.

So... in terms of the source of fem!Bertie's moral code, I'm still not really sure. One possibility I thought of just now was that there may be some female Bible characters she particularly looks up to? You might not know this, because he's very humble about it, but Bertie actually won the Scripture Knowledge Prize at his private school, and likes to sprinkle a lot of biblical allusions into his speech. There are a few prominent women in the Bible who are remembered for being kind and brave. Esther and Miriam, just to name the ones I used to LARP around my house as when I was five. Ruth is another-- actually, she might be a really good one. Blessed by God for her kindness AND had some highkey sapphic vibes (I was something of a Scripture Knowledge buff myself, in my day. If you can't tell. Not that my good friend Bertie or I would ever brag about it).

(this probably isn't an "instilling moral values" example, but canon!Bertie mentions Jael, the woman who drove a stake through that guy's head, a few times, and that might be a story that rises up in fem!Bertie's mind when a suitor is annoying her)

Would she have any strong feelings about being a Wooster if she wasn't the last of the Woosters in the patrilinear way?

This I'm not sure about. Seeing as neither version of Bertie wants to marry or have kids, maybe it doesn't really matter that much? The family name isn't getting passed down regardless of whether Bertie's a man or a woman.

Why does Bertie have some mild anxieties about appearing masculine/feminine?

m!Bertie's anxiety about appearing independent seems to me to be at least as much about the appearance of dignity as it is about gender roles. Perhaps fem!Bertie would be worried not just about about appearing traditionally feminine, but appearing feminine in a particular way. Rather than wanting to be seen as tough and commanding like m!Bertie does, maybe fem!Bertie wants to be perceived as elegant, poised, maybe even a little authoritative, a sort of grande dame "lady of the house" type figure with an air of mystique about her. Not aunt-like, but like, cool. You know. The 1920s equivalent of "cool girl." I figure a lady in "one of those historical novels" Bertie likes could just as easily laugh down from lazy eyelids and flick a speck of dust from from the irreproachable Mechlin lace at her wrists as a chap could, and that's a vibe any gender of Bertie would be enchanted with.

And it's also a vibe any gender of Bertie would struggle to cultivate because, I mean, we've met Bertie. S/he's a flailing awkward ADHD failwoman/man. fem!Bertie misses social cues and constantly forgets little details her finishing school would have taught as "proper" behavior. She speaks out of turn, not even really out of self-assuredness but because she's excited about whatever she has to say and forgets herself in the moment. That could lead to a lot of embarrassment.

I bet if we wanted, we could really ramp up the class-based conflict/subversion because of this, because an upper class woman's power primarily comes from being upper class. Short story and early novel Bertie occasionally has moments of "who does Jeeves think he is, bossing me around, I'm not going to be a serf to my valet." He more or less entirely drops this in later novels, but maybe fem!Bertie takes a bit more time getting over it.

Gender subversion in canon

Regarding canon gender subversion, I think you're quite right. On my reread of the books, I've noticed a lot more of that than I remembered. For example, I've noted a lot of jokes where the comedy is derived from Bertie being scandalized by a woman saying saying something he considers to be inappropriate for "mixed company," where the conventional expectation is that you'd find a woman being scandalized by a man making such comments. Here are some of them:

In the Inimitable Jeeves, Aunt A starts talking about how Bertie should be "breeding children" and Bertie complains that she "keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room" of one of her women's clubs.

In CotW, where Madeline starts expounding on Geoffrey Rudel, who was in love with the Lord of Tripoli's wife, and Bertie hopes she's going to keep it clean.

Also in CotW, Aunt Dahlia "fortunately" cuts herself off before using a verb which, "had she given it utterance, might have proved a bit too fruity for mixed company."

In Joy in the Morning, Nobby ticks Boko off using expressions Boko couldn't repeat "with gentlemen present. I suppose they learn them at their finishing schools."

This is one type of joke that definitely wouldn't work as well in a gender-flipped universe, because "not in front of the ladies" isn't subversive in the way that "not in front of the gentlemen" is, it's just the normal expectation.

Expanding on this, and calling back to previous musings about possibly genderbending other characters, I found something really interesting in an article by William Vesterman: x (this article draws some conclusions I find questionable, but also provides some bits of interesting historical context). Basically, Bertie's three most persistent fiancees are actually based on stereotypical male archetypes that were common in Wodehouse's areas of literature.

"The three fiancees here (the roster is very far from complete) present versions in female form of male types long known to public school and university fiction: what the British used to call the "hearty" (Honoria Glossop) and the two forms of the "aesthete"—the emotional (Madeline Bassett) and the intellectual (Florence Craye). Part of the comedy is their lack of any resemblance to the actual stock fictive females within such boys' books. Another aspect of the joke is the forced recollection of the equivalent male stereotypes who do appear in Wodehouse's stories. The main point is that by defining himself through distaste against a range of extreme personalities, male and female, Bertie maintains his own identity all the more fully as normal in his own eyes."

So it might actually be easier to flip Florence, Madeline, etc. than we think.

The point that Bertie considers his own identity to be "normal" is interesting and I think it checks out. We do find many cases of his insisting that he likes the way he is and resents others' attempts to change him. "Defining [her]self through distaste against a range of extreme personalities, male and female" is probably another trait we could just directly transfer to fem!Bertie.

Genderbending Jeeves

Fem!Jeeves would have to be gender non-conforming in a different manner than fem!Bertie, and the challenge in her genderbent characterisation, much like the Code poses a challenge for coming up with a genderbent Bertie, would be to maintain Jeeves's hidebound ways.

Alright, I think we can do this. Let's start by applying the same system as before.

These are what I would name as Jeeves's core character traits: high intelligence, class consciousness, "feudal spirit", desire for stability/uneasiness with change, emotional unexpressiveness, eclectic collection of intense interests, Weird About Clothes, and willingness to manipulate to obtain desired results

For Bertie, I said that the key core trait that makes most of fem!Bertie's personality fall into place is "fun-loving." For Jeeves, I think it's class consciousness. Let's look first at how this trait shapes the original Jeeves's personality, and then at the way it might interact with his/her gender and gender expression.

Jeeves's personality

Jeeves has been a walking anachronism since the moment he was created, something Wodehouse himself has readily admitted (preface to Joy in the Morning). He belongs to the era of big country houses staffed with dozens of servants, before post-WWI tax hikes and later post-WWII social revolution made the upper class' position much less secure. The Jeeves books (other than Ring for Jeeves, which is a topic for another day) take place take place in an idyllic, anodyne version of Edwardian England that never really existed and never changes. Wodehouse seems to find that static, picture-perfect setting comforting and, in my opinion, so too does Jeeves.

I go into this in depth in my WIP analysis of Ring for Jeeves, and for the sake of brevity I won't explain it all again here, but the long and short of it is that Jeeves believes in the class system and wants it to be maintained indefinitely. He finds stability and comfort in a hereditary hierarchy where he knows exactly who he is and where his place is, where he fits in society. If you scratched the stuffed-frog face, I suspect you'd find a surprising amount of anxiety. When he exerts control, it's mainly in order to maintain his stability and keep everything the way he likes it in statu quo, and he does it in a way that works within the framework of maintaining class status. Jeeves's primary identity is "servant." He takes great pride in it and has molded his entire life around excelling in his work.

"He does have a very keen sense for what he can get away with (unless the poetry-or-other-interest-infodumping overrules it), but there are very set rules on what is appropriate, and what isn’t, and he keeps to it, because that’s How Things Are Done"

—tumblr user @noandnooneelse

I don't think this investment in remaining below his employers on the social hierarchy means he thinks the upper classes are like... superior to him necessarily (intellectually, morally, w/e). He obviously doesn't think the rich people he works for are always right or should be deferred to in all matters. (This part is a bit hard for me to explain because it's difficult to get into the mindset of someone who thinks class hierarchy is a good thing). It seems odd for something that's clearly a deeply held and important belief of his to be so surface-level, but it's almost like it's the performance of class that really matters to him. The appearance of it.

Jeeves’s strict view of How Things Are Done applies as much to his employers as it does to himself. Rich people can Perform Class Wrong as much as anyone else, and when that happens, they need to be policed back into "correct" behavior. When Jeeves corrects an employer's performance of class, he will do so in an outwardly polite and deferential manner, because that's How Servants Behave. He'll do anything he thinks he can get away with that doesn’t break the veneer of "proper servant behavior" to keep everyone performing their roles the way he wants them to, but it's all just theater.

Jeeves just wants to live in a world where he gets to perform the same duties for the same types of people in household staffs that are structured the same way and everyone dresses the same way he's always known them to and the conventions of propriety vis-a-vis interacting with people above or below you on the hierarchy remain rigid and precise so he can continue relying on the same scripts forever and ever because he is extremely, extremely autistic.

2. Jeeves and gender

Now, this raises obvious questions about how Jeeves would then view other power structures, like gender roles. Does he care about maintaining the gender hierarchy the way he does about maintaining the class hierarchy? To me, it doesn't really feel like he does. Does he exhibit any gendered behaviors that he seems to be performing for the sake of being masculine? The way he takes control of situations would probably be considered traditionally masculine behavior, but I'd argue he mainly does that a) out of a feudal desire to help his employer or employer's friends or b) to uphold The Way Things Should Be. (Though, it's worth noting that even if an idea of manliness doesn't enter into the why of what he does, Jeeves's maleness certainly DOES make it easier for him to assert dominance like this and be taken seriously. Let's put a pin in that)

Among the core traits I listed, emotional unexpressiveness is the one that's the most stereotypically masculine, so it's worth examining in more detail. Inasmuch as this is something Jeeves does deliberately (and I think it IS at least in part a trained behavior—in "Bertie Changes His Mind" he has to make a conscious effort not to let his disapproval show, for example), it's my opinion that this has much more to do with behaving properly as a servant than it does with behaving properly as a man. There are many times throughout the book where Bertie takes note that Jeeves is silently holding back from expressing emotion out of a sense of feudal propriety. Examples from off the top of my head:

Joy in the Morning: "There was concern in his eyes, and if it hadn't been that his views are rigid in the matter of the correct etiquette between employee and employer, I have an idea that he would have patted me on the shoulder."

Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit: "During the late give-and-take he had been standing in the background with that detached, stuffed-frog look on his face which it always wears when he is present at a free-for-all in which his sense of what is fitting does not allow him to take part."

Much Obliged, Jeeves: "whereas I sang a good deal as we buzzed along, he maintained, as is his custom, the silent reserve of a stuffed frog, never joining in the chorus, though cordially invited to."

On the other hand, aforementioned tumblr user noandnooneelse and I have discussed this matter at some length, and he was more inclined to see it as an aspect of Jeeves's fundamental Jeeves-ness (we ultimately agreed that it’s a little of both). He pointed out that although sometimes strict emotional regulation is expected of servants as a kind of emotional labor, Jeeves's TOTAL lack of emotional responsiveness can also be a liability on the job. How many times have Bertie and Aunt Dahlia ticked him off for saying "most disturbing" when they wanted sympathy for their tales of woe? I think there’s absolutely a lot in that as well, and find it very plausible that in addition to active emotion suppression, Jeeves just naturally tends toward flat affect. And if he's being censured rather than rewarded for the stereotypically masculine behavior, it's probably not something that's been enforced on him as a gender norm. It's also going to be a big problem for fem!Jeeves later. Let's put another pin in that.

Moving on, we never see Jeeves police anyone else's masculinity, either. Or anyone's femininity, for that matter. His issue with Bobbie Wickham wasn't that she had tomboyish tendencies, even though she did, it was that her personality was a bad match for Bertie and also she was a woman Bertie was romantically interested in. His problem with Bertie's purple socks and pink ties is never that they're unmanly, it's that they're garish and in poor taste. And actually, his interest in fashion is something that would stereotypically be considered a feminine trait—and he neither displays any self-consciousness about it nor seems to be deliberately rebelling against gender norms. I just don't get the impression that he really thinks much about gender at all.

I really think Jeeves' concerns about propriety pretty much entirely come down to class propriety. I mean, we know that aside from gender, there are other sets of social norms that Jeeves is fine with ignoring, like, for instance, the LAW. Some might count coshing a policeman in the fucking head as an act of impropriety (not me obviously, ACAB), but Jeeves doesn't give a fuck. Then for the purposes of this AU we are, I assume, taking it as read that Jeeves has no issue with homosexuality. I find that believable. The class system can accommodate gay people and it can accommodate gender equality and gender-nonconformity; two men or two women can live together without any more radical restructuring of the social order needing to take place. Gay is ok provided you're being gay in correct evening costume. As long as the signifiers of class are all present and correct, who carre.

3. Jeeves and gender (female version)

So, like fem!Bertie, I don't picture fem!Jeeves caring all that much about gender rules for their own sake. Seeing as she's presumably uninterested in the kind of lifestyle conservative antifeminist women typically espouse—i.e. woman is protected and provided for by husband whom she serves and obeys—traditional gender roles aren't providing her with a sense of identity or purpose in the way the class hierarchy does. They're just making it more difficult for her to control and stabilize her environment. So I don't think she would oppose advances in women's rights, unless for some reason she thought some specific advancement could destabilize the class system somehow. An extremely cursed thought that just popped into my head is "she wants to vote so she can vote Tory." That’s the vibe here. I'm sorry, but Jeeves just IS a Tory voter. Yes, he is. Yes, he is. It gives me no pleasure to say it, but acceptance is the first step towards healing.

I think fem!Jeeves wouldn't care about whether Bertie's behavior is appropriate for a woman so much as whether it's appropriate for an upper class woman specifically (and even more specifically, an upper class woman from the golden age of class dynamics in the picture-perfect idyllic version of England that Jeeves holds up as the ideal). As long as the gender-nonconforming behavior in question isn't particularly associated with the lower classes, go with god.

4. Jeeves's personality (female version)

She's going to have a tougher time of it than m!Jeeves for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that it’s just harder to be a woman. Her situation is inherently less stable because women are expected to find stability through marriage primarily. She's paid less and taken less seriously. She might be more anxious than m!Jeeves about her job security and financial stability. Taking down our pin about Jeeves's maleness making it possible to assert dominance in a way a woman probably couldn't—we've discussed the potential ambiguity around m!Jeeves's supposed no-married-gentlemen policy, but fem!Jeeves DEFINITELY has a no-married-ladies policy. She cannot micromanage a household over which she doesn't have total control, and total control will be significantly more difficult to achieve in a household that has any men in it.

Now let's take down our other pin about emotional expressiveness. m!Jeeves's flat affect is received with annoyance sometimes, but ultimately tolerated because of his otherwise irreproachable performance at his job and ability to solve everyone's problems. I imagine it's a much bigger hindrance to fem!Jeeves, as seems very likely to me that a maid would have a higher expectation on her to be comforting and warm and sympathetic toward her employers' woes than a manservant would. Failure to do this would draw greater censure than an irritable "Could you say something other than 'most disturbing?'" even if she's otherwise outstanding at her job. Possibly when she's working for a single woman she can get away with it, but Jeeves is a lifelong career servant, and you don't get to be the sole servant to a rich gentleman or lady without making a good impression working in larger household staffs first.

I therefore think that unlike m!Jeeves, fem!Jeeves has at least a limited ability to smile and kind of emote and project the impression of warmth and sympathy. She neither likes nor is comfortable with it, but she wouldn't have risen through the ranks of servants without it. m!Jeeves already has a quiet, polite demeanor and an ability to melt into the background, but fem!Jeeves exaggerates this even more, cultivating a service persona that's not just polite and quiet but maybe even outright demure in an effort to come across as humble rather than cold (and in the hopes of simply being overlooked when the mistress needs a shoulder to cry on).

(It's worth noting, though, that manufacturing warmth isn't the same thing as manufacturing caring. Feudal spirit is a core character trait too, and there isn't time to get into all the things "feudal spirit" can mean right now, but my point here is that she wants to help! She likes helping! She's just going to be an autistic weirdo while doing it!)

5. Employers: management of

As a result of all this, fem!Jeeves is necessarily more covert in the way she operates than her canon counterpart, and leans even more on loopholes and subtle manipulation to work around the restrictions imposed on her. She definitely knows how to weaponize sexist stereotypes to make people underestimate her. She's better and more consistent about playing fake-deferential and working behind the curtain than m!Jeeves is. Most of the targets of her manipulation never find out what hit them.

I'm reminded of this story I found once (screenreader-friendly version here) when I wanted to find out more about Arthur Conan Doyle's views on women's rights (the answer is that they were mixed, if you were wondering). Basically, a woman has made up her mind to buy a new gray dress, but she wants to make her husband feel like she cares about his opinion on the matter, even though she doesn't. So she guides him through this whole back-and-forth where she asks him what color dress she should buy, and shoots down all his suggestions while saying stuff like "oh, you're so smart and full of good taste and impeccable opinions, it's just that..." They eventually agree that she should buy a gray dress, and it was ALL his idea!! Canon Jeeves does quite a bit of this sort of thing already, but fem!Jeeves is the master of it.

Or at least, she WAS the master of it until she met Bertie's special blend of stubbornness and cluelessness.

"What color would you like for your new dress, miss?" "Any color but gray. I can't bear gray." "What would you suggest, miss? I should like to provide the tailor with your exact specifications." "A cheerful pink, I should think. Say, that rhymed! I always say there's no color like a nice bright pink to herald in the spring with vim and vigor. What was that gag of yours? The rainbow comes and goes and lovely is the rose, what?" "What taste you have, miss. Of course it shall be pink if you wish it. Only, do you not suppose it may draw a little too much attention? One does not like to be so conspicuous." "I shouldn't worry about that, old thing! What’s the purpose of wearing a new dress if not to be noticed?" "..." "I say, Reg, do you suppose you could ask the tailor to sew the hemline a little higher this time? I saw a moving picture last night where the girl was wearing the most corking short skirt. Nobby says they're all the rage in Hollywood now, and I dare say she would know.” "...Very good, miss." "Rummy how the tailor keeps forgetting that part. Do you fancy I'd better write it down?"

I think this slightly altered dynamic might help with the problem of whether it would be as funny to see fem!Bertie, who already has to hide her independent streak, submit to her servant's whims and scheming. If we're looking at a Jeeves whose habitual methods of scheming are more covert and hidden, we'll probably see fewer head-to-head clashes and more cases of Jeeves grinding her teeth as Bertie blithely blows past multiple attempts to corral her behavior and forces Jeeves to resort to increasingly less subtle tactics than she would prefer.

sopping wet bertie wednesday

[itsnothingofinterest]

Do you really think this isn't going to be the final arc? I don't know how much table turning there is gonna be before deku talks no jutsus shigaraki into helping him beat up afo, I could see seeing the mina and kiri fights but I don't know if it's gonna be a huge oh no the villains are gonna win swing since we just got one from the kurogiri twice dump and are currently in the middle of the crackback from the heroes arriving here.

Thinking about it, yeah I am. As for why: well, it’s a few things.(Warning, this gets quite a bit ranty.)

Power-sclaing wise, it’s just a terrible final arc because the heroes are so much stronger than their opponents that there’s been no stakes since the villains were ambushed. Just jumping off what you say here; the closest thing we’ve had to a “the villains might win” swing was Kugoriri & Toga’s parade combo, which lasted 2 minutes and then got beat by one hero, because duh, that’s how just outmatched the villains have been this whole arc.

And on a related note, Deku or Tomura hardly need each others help to beat up AFO; either could 1v1 him and smash his face into the pavement easy. What does a 2v1 with the strongest people in the world on the same side even look like? I actually think AFO may not even leave the mountains if this is the final arc; because if his defeat isn’t in service of Tomura surpassing him, then getting wrecked for good by Tokoyami, Jirou, Shinsou, and everyone else he called an extra is probably the more fitting end for him.

So from a Shonen spectacle angle, this arc’s doing terribly as a finale because victory was tension-lessly assured from minute one.

But there’s also the emotional and narrative angles; how many dangling plot elements are there and how ready are the addressed plot threads to be properly resolved. And the answers to those are “more than there probably should be” and “not very, unless things suddenly become very rushed”.

But just focusing on what’s most pressing to me (this is already long); a lot of the inciting issues in hero society are not set to be addressed by the next generation, most kids aren’t even thinking about that while staring their foil villains in the face, any other attempts at ‘talk no justu’-esque communication have been falling though entirely, and the kids just don’t look ready to resolve they or their foils’ arcs. The only exception to any of that is Shoji, who came up with a total non-solution to prejudice that I feel would be a great start to an arc foiling Spinner, but a terrible finish. If that’s the precedent set for how these issues are getting resolved, then it’s shame how doomed class 1A feels to repeat their predecessors’ failures.

Overall, the arc feels to me like the kids are still learning. Deku, Shoto, & Uraraka are still learning Tomura, Dabi, & Toga’s deals; which makes sense when they only just realized to ask last arc. I really feel they’re all being set up more to finally get a clue then to resolve things here and now, as they're lacking the knowledge, tools, and development for that. And I’ll be honest; supposing for a moment Hori decided to end the war at chapter 400, I do not think 18 chapters would be enough time for the important kids' to gain that development even if it was entirely dedicated to them. (Not without rushing things so, as I said I was worried about, hero society goes unaddressed and loops back to where we are now in a few decades). But it would be enough time to get everyone going in the right direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(As an aside, did your ask somehow get edited? I have a copy of the original and it includes at the end of this ask: "...in the middle of the crackback from the heroes arriving here.I get your point. I'm just too used to shonen manga where the inverse ninja rule is heavily implemented. I don't really view the the mobs of bodies being thrown at the problem on either side as more than a way to get characters we haven't seen much show off and get their moment in the final arc."

Which I also answered. But for some reason is gone from the text box. Spooky.)

Never mind.

[cjsinkythoughts]

The Shield

Paring: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 5595

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, John Walker, Emotions, Character Death, Mentions of Blood, I know people had a hard time with that last scene so please take caution because it is in this part! GIF at end is the ending scene, so be careful when you get towards the bottom! I feel like I’m forgetting some, so just know this one’s a bit more than the others.

A/N: Here it is, folks! The Part we’ve all been waiting for! It’s the longest one I’ve written so far but so much happened and I couldn’t find a better spot to end it than where the episode ended. Thank you all for being patient with me today. I know I didn’t get this out as quickly as I would’ve the past few weeks, but you guys are so awesome! Seriously! I love that you understand I do have a life and work comes first! Thank you, thank you!

This Part is a doozy, guys, and…I’m sorry? But not really. I’m SUPER excited to see where this is gonna go, especially considering Episode 5 is supposed to be the real tear jerker. I can’t believe there’s only two more episodes! I’ve grown so attached to these characters just in the past month! I’m so glad I’m able to share some of my thoughts and feelings with you guys, too! You’re honestly the best!

I’ll be doing more One Shots this week, so look for those on the Masterlist. I’m still taking requests for them, so if there’s anything you want explored about the reader and her relationships that you don’t think will be explored in this Series, just ask and I’ll try to add it to the One Shot list.

As always, this isn’t beta’d so please excuse any mistakes! Thank you for reading, be kind to yourself and others, enjoy this part and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

(I couldn’t decide on which GIF to use because there are so many good ones! Thank you Tumblr Creators!)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“Doll…hey. Doll. C’mon, sweetheart. We gotta get moving.”

You cracked your eyes open begrudgingly, squinting up to see Bucky’s amused grin, head tilted and eyes soft. “Huh?”

He chuckled as you rubbed your eyes, confusion lifting an eyebrow. “The funeral. Zemo said we’ve gotta go if we’re gonna make it in time.”

“Wait, but…huh?”

Sniggering again at your reaction, he held up your phone. “You passed out in the middle of a chapter, sleepyhead.” He teased lightly, grabbing your hand and gently pulling you to sit upright. “It’s almost been an hour.”

You huffed tiredly, stretching and placing your feet on the floor, taking back the phone he held out to you. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You haven’t been sleeping well.” He stated, like it should’ve been obvious. “How’s your arm feeling?”

“Better than earlier. It’s just sore. That’s all.”

He studied your features for any hint of a lie. Not finding one, he nodded, holding out his hand. “Okay. But tell me if it starts bothering you.”

You placed your hand in his, marveling for a split second at how big his hands were compared to yours - something you noticed every time but still it never ceased to astound you. He tugged you up, and you looked up to meet his worried eyes, remembering his question.

“I will, Buck. Promise.”

He nodded, tilting his head towards the door. “C’mon, cuddle bug. We don’t wanna miss this.”

A groan passed your lips, but you nodded and followed Bucky out into the main room, where Sam chuckled at you from his spot at the table. “Sleeping beauty has finally awoken.”

You flipped Sam off groggily. “Are we going or not?”

“Do you wanna wake up s’more first?”

“No.” You answered the one armed brunette. “I’ll just splash some water on my face or something. I’ll be fine by the time we get there. Where’s-”

“Looking for me?”

Zemo strolled out, now dressed in that coat of his, that smug smirk on his lips. You scowled. “I wish I wasn’t.”

Sam stood up, standing subconsciously between you and Zemo. “Let’s head out.”

You nodded in agreement, shooting the Baron one more glare, before following him out the door and into the city, Bucky right besides you, shoulders brushing as if you weren’t ignoring him just hours prior.

The walk was mostly silent, a few jests between Bucky and Sam plus a couple comments from Zemo here and there. You talked about strategy, with Sam bringing up the fact that he wanted to try convincing Karli to step down. Zemo didn’t look pleased with the arrangement, but both you and Bucky relented, agreeing to let Sam at least try.

It wasn’t until you were close to your destination according to Zemo that anything exciting happened.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit!”

Hell. No. 

The moment the voice registered in your brain, your jaw tightened, your teeth starting to grind together as you held back the very not nice things you wanted to say. 

“Ah! How’d you find us now?” Bucky called out, tucking you into his side protectively, and a little possessively you noted, as Walker and Hoskins came down the steps, the two groups nearing each other.

You were relieved when the subject of Zemo escaping jail went by relatively quickly, Walker latching onto the fact that you were going to talk to Karli instead of focusing on the escaped fugitive in front of him.

You very nearly punched him when he ran in front of you after Sam told him the plan, making the four of you stop in your tracks, but Bucky’s arm tightened around your shoulders, holding you in place next to him.

“You’re gonna let him do this?” Walker questioned Bucky in disbelief, self righteous judgement practically dripping from your tone. “You’re gonna let your partner walk into a room with a super soldier alone?”

Bucky’s jaw ticked. “He’s dealt with worse. And he’s not my partner.”

“And you?” Walker narrowed his eyes towards you. “I expected more from you; the last original Avenger.”

You snorted, shaking your head. He obviously didn’t know how chaotic the Avengers were. What Sam was proposing? You’d seen it a million times with Steve alone. Not considering Nat, Clint, Thor, even Bruce and Tony. All of them willing to try to negotiate before running in, bullets raining and hell rising. “First, I’m not the last original. I’m technically not even an original. Second, I trust Sam with my life and I’m standing by his decision. He’s my brother. As a soldier, I would’ve thought you understood that.”

Before he could respond, Sam stepped around Bucky. You saw the reluctance in Walker’s eyes as he admitted a temporary defeat once Hoskins agreed with Sam. The fact that he was so unwilling to try to save more lives - including Karli’s - made the truth that he wasn’t, and would never, be your Captain harden deeper into your heart.

Ignoring Walker’s confusion as you followed the little girl Zemo befriended - which was weird, you’d admit, but it was getting you closer to Karli - Bucky’s arm slipped from your shoulders, hand sliding across your back and skimming down your arm to grip your hand. Even through your jacket, you felt goosebumps erupt along his fingers’ trail.

You finally came to your destination and you let out a small breath. If everything went smoothly, this mission could finally be over and you could go home and take a bath, get take out, get out a bottle of wine, watch TV, and just relax.

What a dream.

“Hey.” You stopped Sam before he could go through the entrance of where the girl said Karli was, holding his forearm. “You want me to come with you?”

He shook his head. “I think it’ll be better if I go alone.”

You nodded, letting go without any hesitance. “Okay. Be careful.”

“Always.” And despite all you’ve been through, no matter how many times he’s followed Steve’s lead in doing something stupid, you knew he meant it. You nodded again, before he disappeared around the corner.

You leaned back against the wall, Bucky once again wrapping an arm around your shoulder now that you weren’t walking - he liked having mobility on the move, hence the reason he held your hand instead - leaning besides you and pulling you against his chest.

Ten minutes. You tried looking at Bucky’s watch, which was on the wrist of the arm around you. He noticed and turned his wrist slightly, bending his elbow more, which brought you even closer to him, showing you the time.

Giving a small sigh, you nodded slightly and dropped your head back against his bicep, your hands shoving in your pockets, one of your feet coming up to rest against the wall. Bucky shifted to your other side so he could stand in front of the doors to where Karli and Sam were, pulling you against his back, arms wrapping around your shoulders tightly.

It was a long ten minutes. You kept eyeing Walker, and you couldn’t help the anger burning through you as he held the shield in his hands. That damn shield. It wasn’t his. It would never be his. And he would never understand it. The fact that the shield didn’t make Captain America. The shield isn’t what made Steve a good man. Not even the Serum did. He already was one. Steve made the shield what it was, not the other way around.

But then you remembered a conversation you had, years ago, and your eyes flitted up to Bucky’s hardened face, the brunette staring intensely at the ground.

~

You didn’t get it. You were confused. You knew how important Barnes - Bucky - was to Steve. But apparently you didn’t understand it quite yet.

You watched from the entrance of the hallway, leaning against the wall, as Bucky went under once more.

Steve stood there for a moment longer, before turning and walking towards you. “Why’d you do it?”

He raised an eyebrow at you while you turned to walk with him down the hall. “Do what?”

“Give up the shield. And don’t say it doesn’t belong to you. It does. Howard gave it to you. You’re the reason it’s…a symbol.”

He hummed. “And what exactly is it a symbol for, honey?”

You scoffed. “Uh, freedom? Justice? Resilience? The defense of the whole life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness thing?”

He stopped, facing you with a strange expression on his face, thoughtful. “I dropped it because I can’t be that anymore. Not right now. People don’t have the same beliefs they used to have. How can I stand up for freedom and let the Sokovia Accords track every person they deem a threat, just like HYDRA tried doing? How can I be a symbol for justice and let Bucky take the fall for something that he wasn’t in control of? I can’t. And until the world is ready to change…I can’t be Captain America.”

~

And suddenly, it seemed to click. Steve gave up the shield for Bucky because the world wasn’t ready to admit it was wrong. Just like Sam gave up the shield for himself and his family because the world wasn’t ready for the truth that would come with him becoming Captain America.

God…when did a metal circle become so complicated?

“What’s goin’ on in that pretty lil’ head’a yours?” His whisper in your ear startled you out of your thoughts, his nose brushing against your temple tenderly as he placed a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You looked up at him and shook your head. Of all the things Steve gave up, he never gave up Bucky. And it used to confuse you, but you understood then. His blue eyes sparkling with curiosity and slight concern, his fingers tracing patterns along your collarbone with a barely-there touch that was so light it didn’t seem to exist. You finally understood. Not just Steve’s decision, but Sam’s too. And maybe you didn’t understand it fully, and that was okay, because you weren’t them, so you never would, but you understood a little bit.

“Nothing.” You shook your head, keeping your voice down so the others couldn’t hear, the conversation being a private one, “I’m just waiting for this to be over.”

He hummed, nodding in agreement, setting his chin on your head. “Me too.”

Walker started pacing the room about half way through, getting too antsy for your liking. “Shhh.” Bucky mumbled under his breath, feeling you tense as Walker started talking. “It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Just sit tight.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”

“He knows what he’s doing.” Bucky stated confidently, straightening slightly from his leaning position, arms falling from your form. The two of you exchanged glances as Walker checked the clock over on the far wall, blocked from your view.

“I’m going in.” Walker strode across the room, heading for the entrance, no doubt willing to steam roll anything - anyone - in his way.

Bucky stopped him with a hand on his chest. You glanced back and forth between the two as Walker spoke, arms crossed tightly over your chest. “Buck…we promised him ten minutes.” You reminded him, seeing his resolve crumble a bit. You could guess he was thinking of the nightmares. The people he couldn’t save. The blood he already considered on his hands.

Walker used his moment of hesitation, shoving past him roughly. “I’m not waiting.”

“John!”

“Walker!”

You followed after him, you and Bucky arguing with him and Hoskins about giving Sam more time, but it was too late.

“Karli Morgenthau! You’re under arrest!”

“Fuck.” You hissed out when you saw Sam’s panicked expression, looking at you confused. Walker was flown across the room when Karli punched him, Bucky shoving Hoskins out of the way to run after her.

“Y/N-”

You threw your hands up. “I tried, Sam! C’mon!”

You and Sam ran over to some stairs, turning corners and trying to remember what the building looked like from outside to cut her off, but you only ran into Bucky again. 

“I wish we had the layout or something.” You grumbled. “We were that close-”

“We’re not done yet, doll.” Nodding, you followed the boys out, Bucky pausing every so often to try to hear anything. “I’ve got gunshots.” At that, the three of you took off towards the sound, Bucky leading the way.

Just around the corner from where Bucky heard the gunshots, you thought you saw a couple people slip around another bend. Noticing you had stopped, Bucky backtracked. “You okay?’

“Yeah.” Deciding it wasn’t worth the pursuit, you turned to him and nodded towards the doorway Sam already went through. He gave you a look, but nodded and the two of you jogged into the room.

You sighed heavily, seeing Zemo knocked out on the floor, Walker standing over him and broken vials that were previously full of, what you assumed was, the Serum. Hoskins ran in right after you, meaning no one but Walker and Zemo knew what happened. Meaning you would probably never get the full, true story.

What fun it is to work with manipulators and liars.

********************

“I don’t like him.” Bucky grumbled, the two of you walking up to the place you were staying in, Bucky holding the door open for you.

“I know you don’t, Buck. I don’t either.” You had asked Bucky to go with you to get some fresh air once you got back, Zemo having woken up a few minutes after and Walker and Hoskins had to make a call or something official like the good soldiers they were. “He’s hiding something.”

“You think?” Bucky scoffed, giving you a look.

You rolled your eyes. “I mean…I don’t know. When we found him and Zemo…my gut twisted.”

He nodded in understanding, his face twisting into a scowl. “Yeah. Mine did too.”

You stopped him before you could walk through the door to the main room. “Do me a favor?” He nodded again with a little hum. Catching his chin between your fingers, your free hand moved to smooth out the creases between his brow. “Stop brooding so much. It makes me worried.”

His tongue darted out to wet his lips, features softening slightly. “Are you really gonna leave in the morning? I know you’ve had a lot of people telling you to take a break, and it’s selfish for me to ask you to stay, but…I dunno if I can finish this without you.”

“I-” You sighed, ducking your head as you thought of a response, before looking up in his wide eyes, begging for you to stick around longer. “Let’s just finish the day and see what happens next. Okay?”

He bit his lip, nodding slightly. You gave him a smile, before tugging on his hand. “I need a drink.”

He chuckled at that. “That I can fix, doll.” He, again, opened the door for you, and the two of you walked in.

“What a gentleman. Straight outta the 40’s.” You joked, making him roll his eyes.

He took off his jacket, heading to the kitchen, while you sat on the opposite side of the island. “Somethin’s not right about Walker.”

Sam gave you two an amused look. “You don’t say.”

“Well, I know a crazy when I see one.” He opened the lid of the bottle he grabbed, starting to pour two glasses of whiskey for the both of you. “Because I am crazy.”

You rolled your eyes as Sam responded, “can’t argue with that.”

“You shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

Giving Bucky a disapproving look over the rim of your glass, you sipped your drink, narrowing your eyes when he ignored you. “I didn’t give him the shield.”

“Well Steve definitely didn’t.”

Your glass slammed down on the counter. Why did he have to bring this up right now? Seriously? You were just having a nice conversation about places you wanted to visit while taking a walk outside. Why was he suddenly snapping?

Before you could scold him, the doors burst open, making your head whip over as Walker stormed in, “ordering” you to hand over Zemo.

You stayed sitting, leaning on the counter and facing the opposite wall as Sam told him off, giving an amused snicker as you sipped your drink. Bucky sat besides you, facing Walker, and you recognized from the angle he was positioning himself that he was blocking you from Walker’s view, whether intentional or not.

You raised an eyebrow, turning in interest when Walker put down the shield, knowing Sam wasn’t about to fight the man. What an ego the blonde had.

Before anything could happen, however, a spear pierced through the air, lodging in the pillar next to Walker’s head.

Your frustration with Bucky’s comment flew out of your head as Ayo and a few other Dora Milaje walked in. Bucky sat up straighter and you stood up, leaning ever so slightly against his arm.

You nearly facepalmed, a sound of complete disbelief leaving you as Walker introduced himself. Sam looked over at you two, an entertained, slightly incredulous smile on his face.

Sam tried warning him. He really did. But Walker, you’ve come to find, was an arrogant, egotistical narcissist who only wanted to win and would do whatever it takes to do so. Even when there wasn’t really a winner. At least, not in that situation. It seemed that Walker liked ignoring the gray area in the world, which wasn’t good. Not in the least.

Which is why you couldn’t really feel sorry for the man. You saw it coming as soon as he told them they didn’t have jurisdiction. And the moment he touched Ayo?

You put your chin on Bucky’s shoulder - who had stood up from his spot - watching the Dora Milaje kick Walker’s ass, wincing and cringing mockingly at the right moments, making Bucky smirk at you.

“We should do something.” Sam said, although he didn’t look thrilled about the prospect.

Bucky crossed his arms. “Looking strong, John!”

You gave a slight snort, not wanting to encourage anything, but unable to hold in your amusement. Bucky winked at you, clinking his cup of whiskey with your own, before taking a gulp.

“Bucky.” 

You huffed and stepped back at Sam’s tone. “C’mon, Buck.”

“Fine.” Bucky grunted. “But ‘M not happy about it.”

Soon, the three of you, plus Walker and Hoskins, were all occupied with a member of the Dora Milaje. You knew you couldn’t take them; they were on a higher level that Natasha, and you could barely beat her. But you weren’t necessarily trying to win.

It was a strange fight, knowing that no one - except Walker, probably - actually wanted to hurt anyone. Of course, that didn’t stop one of them from exploiting your injured shoulder that she spotted rather quickly. The hits were quick and precise, the tip of her spear cutting along the graze, hitting the spot just perfect enough to reopen it. The stitches that had been placed only a couple days ago ripped, making you wince and clutch your now bleeding shoulder.

“Oh fuck.” You groaned. “You were always good with those things.”

She gave you an almost apologetic look, before she looked over to Ayo, who stepped through the room towards the bathroom where Zemo had locked himself in during the chaos.

When you caught sight of the shoulder thing she did to Bucky, his metallic arm now laying on the floor, his eyes wide and his stance stunned, your jaw nearly dropped. You guessed it made sense that they had a way to do that, but, still. None of you were expecting it.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked once they started leaving, Bucky picking up his arm and connecting it to his shoulder.

“No.” The arm whirred as he swung it, getting it back to normal.

You couldn’t help the little giggle that left you, making Bucky raise an eyebrow at you. You tried holding in more laughs, but they just kept coming. “She-she...she disarmed you!”

Bucky rolled his eyes as you chortled, holding your stomach and bending over. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

“Oh come on!” You straightened and wiped your eyes. “That was good! Wasn’t it, Sammy?”

Sammy chuckled and nodded. “I’ll admit, it was pretty good. This, however, is not.”

Your laughter died as Sam made his way over to the bathroom, the light air that came with your cackles dissipating as quickly as it came.

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.”

You stared at the drain that was uncovered - large enough for Zemo to slip inside and escape. He did it. The son of a bitch finally did it. It took him long enough. You would’ve betted against him days ago.

“I can.” Bucky turned and grabbed your hand. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

*********************

“I thought you told them.”

Bucky looked up from wrapping your shoulder, an eyebrow raised. “What?”

“I thought you told them. The Dora Milaje. Wakanda. T’Challa. I thought you told them about Zemo.”

He leaned back with a sigh. “It was kinda a last minute decision. You know that. You were there.”

You nodded. “I do. But I also know what they’ve done for you. Shuri and Ayo. I was there for that, too. And you know what he did to them. To their country. Their king.”

“I know, I know. I almost died several times because of it.”

Your eyebrows pinched in confusion. “So why-”

“I thought it’d be quick. I thought, maybe, I could do it without them finding out and then we could get to Karli and they wouldn’t be disappointed. Win win.”

Your cheek caught between your teeth as you thought. “You could’ve just asked-”

He shook his head. “They would’ve said no. You know that.”

“Okay. Fine. Yes. I know that. But…but giving them a warning would’ve been better than this.” He hung his head, closing his eyes. “Bucky. Hey,” hooking a finger under his chin, you tilted his head back up to look at you. “I know it’s been hard for you. Everything has. And I’m sorry I dragged you into this. I shouldn’t have let you come along. You should be healing, and it’s my fault you’re not.” He opened his mouth, face scrunching up in disagreement, but you shook your head. “It’s true. I just…I didn’t know it would come this far.” You gnawed on your bottom lip studying those captivating eyes, before sighing. “Which is why I’m not leaving.”

He perked up, those pretty eyes going wide, jaw slackening. “You-you’re not?!”

You shook your head. As much as you wanted to run away, you couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. “It wouldn’t be fair to you or Sam. I promised to help, and I brought you into it. So I’m gonna stay.

“Are you, uh…are you sure? You don’t hafta if you don’t wanna, doll. I know I kinda pushed you earlier, but-”

“I’m sure Buck.” You nodded firmly. “Just…do something for me?”

“I dunno if I can promise not brooding, sweetheart.”

You giggled at his words. “Not that. Just…stop giving Sam a hard time. About the shield. Please.”

His soft features hardened and he scowled. “If he didn’t give it up-”

“He thought it was going to the museum. I told you about that, remember? I told you we’d go when I got back.”

Giving a slight nod, he sighed. “We never did.”

“We will. But, I’m serious, Buck. Please. It’s not his fault. He did exactly what Steve did.” At Bucky’s confused look, you pursed your lips, looking down at his hands, starting to play with his fingers. “Remember how I was thinking during those ten minutes we had?” He nodded. “I was thinking about how Steve gave the shield back to Tony. After saving you. In Siberia. You remember that?” Another nod was given, so you continued. “It was for you, James. Because you made him realize that he didn’t want to be the face of a country that preached one thing, but did another. And that’s what Sam did. He did it for his family. For himself. Because no one wants to fight for a country that goes against your personal beliefs, no matter what they say.”

“I-I don’t understand.” Bucky’s eyes squinted, his brow creasing as he tried processing what you were telling him.

“That’s okay. Not everyone will. Really only they can understand their own reasoning. But you have to try to understand that he did what he thought was best for himself. For Steve. For the shield. And I know - dammit do I know - that it’s the last thing left of him. But it is just metal. Isn’t it? Steve’s the reason it is what it is. No one else. And no one is going to change that.”

Bucky took a breath, glossy, worried eyes meeting yours. “Walker’s going to ruin it. I know he is. I can feel it. Everything Steve worked for. I don’t care about Captain America. I care about the kid from Brooklyn who wanted to make a difference, no matter how little he was. I trusted him. I followed him through bullets and blood, with only that shield between us and them. He was home on a battlefield in Italy across the ocean from New York. And that shield was the welcome mat. It doesn’t matter what it says, what it looks like…but it protected my home when I couldn’t. But now? I feel like it’s tearing my home down. Pulling out the bricks. And it hurts. It was never about the shield, Y/N. It was always about the man it protected when I couldn’t be there for him. And now?”

Gathering him in your arms as he trailed off, you gave a couple little sniffles, pressing your face in his hair, nails scratching the nape of his neck lightly. “I’ll be your welcome mat, Buckaroo.” You offered.

He shook his head, pulling away to hold your face between his hands. “No, sweetheart. You’re not the welcome mat. You’re the new bricks replacing the old. You’re…you’re my home, now, doll.”

You swallowed thickly, unable to handle the rush of emotions that just poured through you, the sudden change in topic making you feel more vulnerable than you’d like. You leaned forwards, placing a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, feeling him go lax in your arms. “And you’re mine.” You murmured softly, before getting up and heading out for the room, unable to stay any longer. You still had a mission to do. One that became even more desperate with Zemo loose, Walker unhinged, and Karli being so close.

******************

There was a silent agreement to not bring up your conversation. Not yet, at least. Sam had eyed you both when you came out of the room, saying you were ready to get moving, but he didn’t say anything either.

None of you really knew where you were going, only what you had to do. Find Zemo and get to Karli before Walker could. Both of which were a lot easier said than done.

Until Sam got a call from Sarah, who told him Karli contacted her personally and threatened her and her sons. She left a contact number for Sam, evidently wanting to meet. His phone dinged not a minute after he texted the number.

“She said come alone.”

“Well that’s not happening.” You opposed, crossing your arms.

Bucky nodded with your sentence. “We’re coming with you.”

Sam didn’t say anything against it, the three of you exchanging glances, before heading out to the location, changing into your tactical suits along the way.

Karli didn’t seem to mind you and Bucky tagging along, and you understood why the moment she mentioned not killing Sam because he wasn’t hiding behind a shield. It was a distraction. They were going after Walker.

It was confirmed only moments later when Sharon contacted Sam. “Looks like he found them, or maybe they found him.”

As soon as Sam announced that it was Walker, you jumped into action, Sam disabling Karli for just the right amount of time for you to get a head start. “I’ll send you the location. Go.” He told Bucky, who nodded and took off in his super soldier sprint. “You hitching a ride?”

You rolled your eyes at his slight tease. “I hate this so much.” You grumbled, catching his hand as he took off in the air with his bird costume. He held onto you tightly, like the millions of times you’d done this before, although it didn’t make you any less dizzy, traveling that fast, that high, with only his hold keeping you from dropping. “You’re lucky I trust you so much!”

He gave a small chuckle at your shout over the wind. “We’re landing! Brace yourself!” You followed his order, just in time for him to break through the glass ceiling of the building Walker was in. The both of you landed on a platform on the staircase just as a Flag Smasher was thrown through double glass doors, down the stairs, and into a power box. Your eyes went wide as Walker strolled down the steps, oozing a confidence that made you nervous. The moment Walker stopped the Flag Smasher - the Super Soldier - from hitting him with the pipe, you knew even before he twisted it like a pretzel.

“Sam.” You breathed out. You couldn’t even do anything, only watching as the Flag Smasher got up from being thrown again, and running down a hall.

“What’d you do?”

“They got Lemar.” Was the only reply he gave, brushing past you and Sam. You gave Sam a look, but he just jerked his head down the hall, in the direction the Flag Smasher went and the way Walker started heading. You nodded, willing to drop it for now to save someone’s life, but you were so bringing it up once this was done.

Jogging into the room, you should’ve expected the ambush in the room, but, to be honest, they didn’t take as much advantage as they could’ve, so it wasn’t too difficult of a fight. You had trained with Steve millions of times before, so you knew how to go against a Super Soldier. Granted, your Cap wasn’t trying to kill you while training, but it was better than nothing.

You protected your shoulder, knowing that was your weak point, while trying to disguise it so whoever you were fighting wouldn’t realize your Achilles’ Heel. Something you often found while dealing with Steve, and even Bucky, was that Super Soldiers, as quick as they were, tended to favor the super strength side of their enhancements. This made it easier for you to dodge the attacks, knowing most of your blows wouldn’t do much.

Knowing you wouldn’t be able to stay on the defensive for long, you decided to try to get an advantage over them. Disarming them and taking their knife was easy enough. A small advantage, yeah, but now you had a weapon, and you could work with that.

You weren’t exactly sure when Bucky joined the fight, but he did, immediately coming over to you when you body kicked your opponent, helping you up. “That was a Steve move.” Your eyes caught sight of the Flag Smasher behind him and you shoved his shoulder down, throwing your knife, making it land solidly in the man’s shoulder. Bucky looked up at you from his crouch, impressed. “And that was a me move.”

You shrugged. “I’m a visual learner.”

You, Sam, and Bucky were about to go for another round with the guys when a sickening crack sounded behind you, and you whipped around. 

Hoskins was against a split pillar, a crimson streak running down his forehead, head lolling to the side, lips red and cracked. The fight stopped as Walker rushed over to his friend, but you knew there was no way he survived. A punch from a Super Soldier? That hard?

Eyeing the Flag Smashers, you turned to Sam and Bucky when they started dispersing, Karli running out as well. They nodded towards you and the three of you took off after her, not wanting to let her get away again and, for you, at least, wanting to give Walker some time.

You weren’t expecting his grief to turn into such raw hatred. 

Running up to the city square, you didn’t actually see it happen. Just the aftermath. Which was good, considering you nearly threw up just seeing that.

You heard the change in Bucky’s breathing, barely recognizing the way he stepped in front of you, only realizing you stepped closer when you felt his sleeve against your palms, fingers tightly wrapped around his forearm. A choked sound came from somewhere, but you didn’t know it was you, even as Bucky reached his arm around to hold your waist, keeping you behind his shoulder. 

Tears leaked down your face silently, eyes unable to look away as Walker straightened, sliding the shield on his arm, too nonchalantly for someone who just murdered another in front of a crowd full of people, cameras pointed towards him.

The shield. That piece of metal you had been wondering so deeply about the past couple of weeks. The link to the first person you’d ever loved. Ruined. Tarnished. Stained.

You could barely breathe, your throat clenching so tightly it was a wonder you were able to get anything out at all.

“James…”