#the whole freaking ouat cast really

[seriouslyhooked]

Just a Taste (A CS AU) Part 3/10

AU where Emma and Killian are contestants on the Great American Baking Show and all twelve contestants hail from Storybrooke Maine. In this AU Emma is a book editor by day, while Killian is an architect who just moved to town a few months prior. Expect baked goods, flirtatious interactions, a little drama and a whole lot of fluff with a guaranteed HEA for Captain Swan. Rated M.

Part One Here, Part Two Here

A/N: Week three is ‘biscuit’ week everyone, and you know what that means – actually maybe not. What it means is lots of fluff for CS, some development on other couples I’ve been gradually pairing, more interactions between judges, hosts and contestants, and a lot of yummy theoretical food. Hope you enjoy!  

“Biscuits?!” The word was stated in alarmed question by at least half of the contestants, to clarify what the hosts had meant as Emma bit back a smile.

Surely the producers couldn’t have planned this reaction better, for it showed that many of these competitors hadn’t actually seen the original show. But what many were currently worried about, Emma was surprisingly okay with. She knew what it really meant – crackers and cookies day.

“In tribute to our British counterpart, we too are having a day celebrating what our friends across the pond call ‘biscuits,’” Graham said. “They can be savory, or sweet, thin and crispy, or sometimes here melty and gooey.”

“Jones, what is this guy on about – is this a good day or a bad one?” David asked, unwilling to listen to the entire written dialogue from the judges and now Emma let go of the fight against her smile. She couldn’t help it, especially when she saw Killian’s look of surprise.

“They’ll have us doing a cracker, a cookie and then perhaps something else. Right?” Ruby and Graham nodded.

“Is that something else an actual biscuit, because if not, that’s misleading.” Killian threw his hands up in the air at Lance’s question.

“Don’t look at me, mate.” Quieter and only for Emma, Killian added, “Though to be fair, it was our word first.”

“That may just be the most British thing I’ve ever heard.” Emma replied before bringing their attention back to the hosts.

“Now that you’re all caught up on what a biscuit might actually be, we give you your first challenge. A savory biscuit, or what around these parts is called a cracker. You must have thirty-six to present to the judges, all of them identical, and don’t think our magistrates wont notice. There’s not a single set of identical twins my grandmother hasn’t sniffed the differences out of, as you all well know.” Emma wrinkled her nose at that line in particular from Ruby. “What Emma?” Ruby asked.

“Well now you’ve just made it seem like Granny goes around smelling people to identify them.” Ruby covered her mouth to giggle, probably only just realizing what her written line had made it sound like, but got herself together before the bell was set for them to start.

“All right bakers,” Graham led before Ruby joined him. “On your marks…”

“Get set…”

“Bake!”

The whole group followed those instructions, working towards their first challenge trying to get it right. In truth, Emma had never made crackers before watching this show. It had never occurred to her that one could make them at home and they’d turn out better than the ones that you could buy at the store. Oh how wrong she had been, for now a few years later, she never bought crackers from the box anymore, and felt because of it she had a leg up on this competition.

“Do you think I could put bacon in a cracker?” Ella asked to no one in particular. Emma herself had never tried that, mostly because they needed to be so thin. Cutting bacon to accommodate the correct shape might be hard.

“Ew, why would you want bacon in a cracker?” Catherine replied coldly and Ella shook her head as she stared down at her recipe. Emma’s heart went out to her, because she seemed to be truly stumped at the task at hand, but soon enough she was mixing together a batter, and Emma became so wrapped up in her own bake, she lost track of Ella’s worry.

“Whatever the heck is in your oven smells to die for,” Ruby said when she and Graham made their way to Emma a while later as the crackers were baking. Emma smiled and agreed.

“It’s a three cheese blend incorporated into the dough, sun dried tomato and a hint of rosemary.” Graham looked very impressed.

“Wow, do you even need to couple something with a cracker like that?” Emma shrugged.

“You can eat them by themselves I suppose, but the best thing in my opinion is to take a little bit of mozzarella and melt it on top and then add a slice of prosciutto.”

“You didn’t happen to…“ Graham began but he lost his words mid mouth water.

“Bring some for you and Ruby to try? Actually I did Graham, so no worries.”

At that moment, the timer went off and her crackers were ready. Emma pulled them from the oven, convinced that they were thoroughly done with the right amount of crunch and the best level of crispness possible. She had made forty-eight instead on thirty-six, learning in the past that it was better to cook a few extra just for appearances sake, and while most of them were moved to the cooling rack, she took ten and made the small treats so that the hosts and her friends in the competition could try. All this baking was a lot of work after all; everyone deserved a snack before the judging.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to have a favorite in the running, Emma, but you might just be mine after that. Holy cow, that’s good.”

“Careful Graham, your Midwestern roots are showing. I don’t think anyone has said ‘Holy Cow’ since the state fair of 1908.” Ruby’s jest pulled a cute moment from the two hosts, that Emma knew would play great on the show, but she had to wonder in that instant if maybe there was more than a playful friendship blooming between her friend Ruby and the reality television star.

“Sorry we can’t all hail from some tiny town in Maine.”

“Oh no you don’t, if you’re about to talk badly about Storybrooke, you better stop.  We might be messy, but we have fun living that way.” Mary Margaret’s defense of the town had Emma mouthing ‘messy?’ to her friend in confusion. The pixie-haired woman shrugged, and Emma assumed it must be some new slang term the kids were using. As a teacher, Mary Margaret always had a leg up on that stuff, so Emma just decided to trust her. “Besides, Emma probably won’t give you any more samples if you say stuff about her home.”

“Speaking of homes, Emma, you haven’t always lived in Storybrooke.” Emma’s defenses were on the rise with this line of question, as they always were when confronted with her past. She tried to avoid thinking about the way she’d been raised, and the loneliness that defined her life in the foster system. She certainly didn’t want to be getting into it on national TV.

“I moved around a lot as a kid, but I think home is where your heart is, and that’s Storybrook to me.” Still Graham didn’t let it go, no doubt prompted by the production staff behind the camera.

“So before then what - your heart was a wanderer? Your parents didn’t feel strongly about laying down roots?”

There it was – the inquiry into her parents and just as Emma was going to try and find a way to tactfully say, ‘I don’t know my parents, why can’t you just leave me alone about my past?’ a loud clanging came from Killian’s station. In seconds, the camera had left Emma and was making towards him, with the judges in tow.

“What happened?” Emma asked and Mary Margaret filled in as she ran over to Emma’s table.

“He just dropped his entire tray of crackers!”

Emma’s eyes grew wide with shock – seriously? There was less than twenty minutes left. That left no time for him to remix and bake it the correct interval. At best, Killian would have crackers that were too soft.

“That’s awful,” Emma mused as Mary Margaret’s hand came to Emma’s arm and squeezed.

“Honey, he did it for you.” Emma tore her gaze from Killian to look into her friend’s eyes.

“What do you mean…?” But Emma understood already.

Killian had seen how uncomfortable she was with the line of questioning and even though he didn’t know all of the details himself, he sacrificed his crackers to become this episode’s story of woe. He’d spared her a lot of public sympathy, and he’d done it by undercutting his own standings today. Emma looked back over at him, watching as he calmly remixed the dough, not leaving it to rise and only for a moment, he stole a glance at her. Their eyes met, and Emma had a flash of understanding.

I’m in love with him.

The words rang out in her head so strong and sure that there could be no denying them. So what if it had only been a few weeks that they’d really known each other? Crazier things had happened. In that short time Killian had accomplished so much – he’d torn down the walls Emma erected against nearly everyone while also giving her so much of himself. He showered her with the affirmation that she was lovely and desirable and a good person and he did it without ulterior motives. And he saw her where so many other people could only look. With Killian, Emma was fully honest and giving of herself and she was rewarded with nothing but genuine caring and proof that he felt for her too. Whether it was love in Killian’s eyes or just a serious fondness, Emma wasn’t yet sure, but of her own feelings she had no doubt. She was in love with Killian Jones, and that in itself was it’s own special kind of miracle.

She moved towards him, taking a step, wanting to see if there was anything she could do to help, but Mary Margaret’s arm held her back. She kept Emma in place, and when Emma looked into her friend’s eyes she realized why. The cameras were still watching the rest of the contestants, mostly to see the reactions, but one camera in particular was trained on Emma with curiosity. If she went to help him, she’d be bringing herself back to the forefront and some of Killian’s sacrifice would be for nothing.

“I never realized my life made for such great TV,” Emma said a little bitterly, resenting the fact that this show was toying with her a bit for an audience tear jerk or a ratings boost.

The producers had tried the past few weeks to highlight Killian and Emma’s relationship, and now they were trying to exploit her past. If this was how they did things in the original franchise, Emma as an audience member was completely oblivious and clearly everyone they’d chosen for the competition lived average, bland lives. Now her past was becoming a liability, and what Emma wanted for her future had to be protected at all costs.

What was most distressing about this though was that the person she felt so in opposition to was Killian’s brother of all people. No doubt Liam had cleared the questions about Emma’s childhood, and if Emma had to hazard a guess, that fact was what still had Killian clenching his jaw as he got his crackers into the oven once more.

A lifetime passed in those remaining ten minutes as Emma and the others prepared their displays for the judge’s consideration, but no one stood out to her more than Killian, who with quiet determination at least created something to be tasted by Gold, Regina and Granny. He hadn’t let his set back keep him from providing something for the challenge, and for that reason Emma was proud as well as grateful. Now though, she didn’t give a damn about the rankings or the scores. All Emma wanted was to get Killian alone and thank him properly.

Actually that wasn’t all, she also wanted to tell him everything. For the first time in her life, she thought she’d found a man who wouldn’t look at her as broken goods once she said the words, once she revealed what life had truly been like as an orphan and a lost girl. Killian would still see her, and maybe he could one day grow to love her as much as she realized she loved him.

“These are raw.” Gold’s words were spat out with such condescension at Killian, that it had Emma’s hands balling into fists. Did he need to be so blatantly horrible to people? Was his own life so miserable that he took joy in being cruel?

“That they are,” Killian responded, unaffected by the harsh tones of Gold’s voice, which only made his tormenter gruffer. Gold made a show of breaking apart almost a dozen of the crackers to show that they wouldn’t snap as they should. “Mr. Gold, I can assure you that while my bake lacked crispiness, it does have consistency. They will all be raw if one is.”

“What is this ‘raw’ business? They’re cooked, just soft, and if you keep putting your hands all over every one, I can’t possibly try it.” Granny shoved Gold’s hand back grabbing herself a cracker and Regina did the same, trying it and nodding. “The taste is good, so what happened?”

“A bit of clumsiness I’m afraid. I dropped my first batch and had to make a second.”

What Killian neglected to say was that he’d dropped them for Emma, and that it had been selflessness that brought about a less than spectacular showing from him. Emma wanted to say that, but she held her tongue, allowing the judges to go on. When Killian stepped back from their examination though, his eyes caught Emma’s and he smiled. The chill that had clung to her and the anxiety that was there only moments before now dissipated. He had the most amazing ability to calm her, and that was much needed as the judges came to assess her food.

Her reviews were far superior, earning her the praise of all three judges (well two, Gold just kind of made a weird humming sound before nodding and walking away). In the end, Emma’s were far and a way the favorite, while Ella and Catherine had struggled. Seemed bacon in a cracker was not in fact a good idea, but neither was Catherine’s kale monstrosity that had made the crackers green and bitter. Both women had much to prove in the next challenge, which was, interestingly enough, strawberry shortcake. It allowed the contestants, finally to show the judges what biscuit meant in America.

This recipe was Granny’s and one that probably every Storybrooke citizen had consumed at one time or another. Though while they were all familiar with the treat, that didn’t make it an easy competition. Where Granny gave them every ingredient, she somehow neglected to give instructions on how to mix them together. People were trying to mix this like cake or cookies, but Emma knew from her time making this dessert before that this was a cold batter. Each bit of butter and each pour of milk was chilled, and thus the mixing process was very different. That knowledge gave Emma the advantage, and had her finishing in first for the day. All in all she’d managed to do very well, but she was anxious to leave this day behind her. There had simply been too much drama for her liking, and now, she was looking forward to a quiet evening, hopefully with Killian, away from the craziness of this show.

…………………

The next morning, as Emma stirred awake, she felt the strangest sense of warmth around her. In the moments between sleep and awareness, when her eyes were still closed and her mind still a little foggy, she thought it might be a warm blanket, until something moved against her and her eyes opened. The man she saw beside her made her smile. Killian was still asleep, curled around her like he would never let go.

In sleep he looked so peaceful, and any of the tension that he had the day before was gone. His hair had fallen across his brow, nearly shielding his eyes, and this time Emma let herself push it back, careful to keep the touch so light that he shouldn’t stir. When she brought her hand back to where it had been laying on his chest and his breathing was still even, Emma relaxed again and allowed herself to think back on the night before.  

When they’d stolen away from the big white tent, Emma invited Killian to her house for a low-key night. She’d promised take out and a movie on Netflix, but the latter had never actually happened, for after dinner, Emma had felt the need to speak her truth.

“What you did today… I’ll never be able to thank you enough.” Killian reached out to take her hand as they stood in the kitchen cleaning up and when she looked into his blue eyes, Emma only saw patience and acceptance.

“You don’t owe it to anyone to tell them the story of your former life Emma. If me dropping things helps spare you from painful memories, I can do it all day long.” Emma laughed as his arms came to wrap around her in a hug she so desperately needed. While she was enveloped in the warmth of his chest, she felt safe enough to speak the words.

“I never knew my parents. I was found abandoned on the side of a highway with nothing but a blanket that said my name on it. I tried to be the kind of kid people would want, but nothing ever stuck, and I ended up bouncing around from home to home. It wasn’t until I was a teen that I realized being unloved and unwanted hurt less if you ran. So I was a runaway, causing the system problems left and right. It went on like that a long time, until I found Storybrooke.” The mistiness in her eyes manifested finally to tears as Emma pulled back to wipe them away and then looked in Killian’s eyes.

“The people here, they could see I was hurting, and they didn’t push, they just let me in. I met Mary Margaret, and Ruby and Belle. They were all enrolled at UMaine a few towns over, and they helped me get a job so I could do the same. Things shouldn’t have turned out as well as they did for me. Because of that, I’ll always look at this place like it’s magic.” Killian nodded his understanding, placing a soft kiss to her lips before pulling back.

“I think that’s a good way to describe this town, love, for it’s where I met you, and that is nothing less than miraculous.” He brought her hands up then and kissed them each lightly before going on. “Though you started in this world alone, Emma, I hope you know that those days are over. So long as you let me, I will be here by your side. It would be my greatest honor.”

“You’re thinking of last night, love.” Killian’s voice in the present startled Emma a little bit and brought her back to this moment.

“How did you know that, sleepy head?” He smiled before opening his eyes, and Emma felt her heart nearly stop. He was way too good looking for her sanity.

“Your pulse was beginning to pick up. I’m assuming you were getting to the part where things escalated in the kitchen.”

Emma couldn’t help but blush at his words. What Killian meant was that after his profoundly touching words, Emma had jumped on him, closing the distance between them and showing him with her body what her words couldn’t yet seem to say. They’d made love all through her little house, and it had ended here, in the comfort of her bed, a place she had no interest in leaving. The thought that they had to soon to get back to the tent brought a frown to her face.

“I think we should throw the competition. I want lazy Sundays with you.” Killian’s hands tightened around her as he brought her in closer and kissed her.

“In time we shall have as many lazy Sundays as you might want, love. But I rather like the idea of you winning that dish at the end of this and being the Queen of this town. Perhaps then I can convince you to make me your King.”

Emma felt a rush of warmth move through her. His hints at a long and happy future together for the two of them always brought such reactions, and Emma was just a moment away from saying she loved him when he pulled back the blanket and hopped out of bed. All thoughts then flew from Emma’s mind as she looked at her very good-looking (okay downright delicious) boyfriend completely naked and coming around to her side of the bed. He gently picked her up, but it still pulled a little yelp from her.

“Killian? Where are we going?” The low rumble of laughter in his chest reverberated through her.

“We’re on a tight schedule love. If you want to get to the taping on time, we should probably share a shower.” Well, she certainly wasn’t going to argue with that idea. In fact, Emma had a feeling she was going to thoroughly enjoy this start to her morning.

……………

“It’s so disappointing that I can’t just make chocolate chip cookies,” Belle huffed out loud as she mixed a very complex mixture around in her bowl. “If they’re good, they should be allowed.”

“Technically they are,” Emma replied, trying to be helpful.

“Oh really, because when a judge says, and I quote ‘if any one even thinks to provide me with a run of the mill chocolate chip variety I will throw it away,’ that seems like maybe it’s not the best course of action.” Emma understood that the frustration in Belle’s tone wasn’t for her. It was squarely aimed at Mr. Gold.

“I’m surprised you’re not making them just to spite him.” Mary Margaret’s comments had Belle pausing, as if considering whether to do just that before waving the idea away.

“He’s not worth losing this over. So everyone can just deal with these turtle cookies.”

Emma laughed, because she highly doubted any one would be ‘dealing with them.’ Loving them was a more probable outcome. Emma had tasted these cookies of Belle’s at more than one gathering, and they were spectacular. Emma meanwhile focused on her two types of batter before her. Her book for this weekend was actually a play, Romeo and Juliet. To incorporate the story, Emma was relying on word play and a meticulously thought out design for her presentation.

Instead of the Capulet family fighting against the Montague clan, it was the Cappuccinos versus the Macadamia cookies. As she scooped the chilled dough onto her trays, she made sure each ball was completely uniform before baking and set the timer for thirteen minutes, the exact time needed for both types of dough. Then, while those were cooking, she made two types of drizzled glaze for decoration. Each cookie variety now had it’s own ‘sigil’ to represent it’s cookie family. The cappuccinos (who were a chocolate base with the espresso added in) were to receive a white chocolate frosting to create their intricate ‘C’ designs, while the Macadamias were getting a red velvet inspired glaze to make red ‘M’s.

The tray Emma designed to set them all up on had individual stands to keep the cookies upright and turned as if in battle with each other. She also was making extra cookies, to allow for some broken pieces (like casualties in the war between the families). All in all, the design was a pretty amazing reenactment of the conflict between the two houses, and when she was finally done setting everything up, she heard a low whistle.

“Damn, that is gonna be hard to compete with.” David’s comment pulled Emma’s attention to the man himself and his display, which lacked the same intricacies but by no means looked bad.

“If I know Emma, they taste better than they look.” Mary Margaret’s compliment brought a happy excitement to Emma’s chest. She liked being good at this, hell she was putting in enough effort, and had been baking for so long that she should hope she was a capable baker.

David and Mary Margaret’s comments though, sparked a memory of talking with her friends this morning. Killian and Emma arrived at the big white tent with about fifteen minutes to spare, and Mary Margaret, Belle and Ruby had already been in attendance. All it had taken was one look at Mary Margaret to know there was something up, and the friends moved to the far part of the lawn, which was far away from prying eyes and nosey neighbors to talk all about it.

Last night Mary Margaret and David had spent a bit of time together, just as friends Mary Margaret insisted, though Emma was highly suspect of that. Over the course of their evening walk through town, they’d learned a lot about each other, and Mary Margaret found out much more about the nature of David’s relationship with Catherine.

It turned out that the Nolans and the Parkers had known each other for decades, and while David and Catherine were friends as kids, they’d grown apart until a family reunion a few years ago. David had seen the differences in Catherine then, but had pressures from his family to try and make a union between the two families work. He’d also had a fondness for the girl Catherine once was. David didn’t know all the particulars, but surely something had happened to make her the way she was now, and he had tried to be patient and support her. Still, recently, he’d come to accept that marriage to Catherine would be settling for less than love, and he didn’t want to think that he would end up unhappy like his parents were.

This was what Emma thought of as the final minutes counted down for the challenge, and she considered what all the implications could be of such words. David and Mary Margaret had a tangible spark between them, and there was certainly interest on both sides. Now the two just needed to be brave and try and push forward. Easier said than done though, because from what Emma could tell, they were both very slow movers. She wanted to talk to Killian about this to see if he knew anything, but they had a judging to face and any inquiry would have to wait.

As expected, Emma’s cookies were a big hit winning her the title of star baker for the weekend, but there were some weaker showings for sure including Ella, who after a lack luster first day was probably the one who would be going home. Ella though was unfazed and even a little cheerful at the prospect, and Emma could only assume it was because this was a lot of effort and responsibility to take on as a mother and someone expecting another child. When the judges did decide to let her go, she had no regret or resentment in her eyes, and the farewell was easy. Things went almost perfectly until Emma walked past Catherine giving her day’s end interview.

“This competition has been good for one thing: opening my eyes to how trivial this town and the people who live here are. My goal now is to win if just to keep the others from doing so. America should see that this isn’t just the happy go lucky place you’ve all made it out to be, and despite what you guys have put out there, this place isn’t perfect. It’s actually rather hellish.”

Emma considered Catherine’s cold words, and saw that the woman truly hated this place, leading her to believe that perhaps Archie’s words had been right, and David’s concerns were merited. Something had happened to her to make her this disdainful. It wasn’t Emma’s job to figure it out, but her heart still went out to Catherine, even if she had made a habit of cruelty towards Emma and her friends. Emma could only hope that Catherine came to terms with whatever lay in her past, and if she would be happier away from this town, that she had the strength to go. There was one thing for certain though - no way Catherine was winning this competition.

“Quite an interesting day we’ve had, love” Killian said to Emma, his words filled with hidden meaning that only the two of them could know but his gaze moved past Emma. “And it seems love might be in the air for more than one party under this big white tent.”

Emma looked to see David and Mary Margaret chatting happily and Robin speaking with Regina as well, but when Emma turned back, Killian only had eyes for her and he looked at her like she was everything.

“I think that has less to do with the tent and more to do with this town. You didn’t see a lot of happy couples meet on the old show,” Emma quipped and Killian chuckled at that.

“Perhaps you’re right. Happy then that we are on this new one.” Killian reached for her hand, and the zing of pleasure that shot through Emma had her catching her breath. They stayed connected for only a moment before letting go, but it was enough to cause a happy hum of pleasure in Emma.

“You know, we never did get to watch that movie last night…” Killian smirked at Emma’s comment.

“Is this your way of inviting me over again, love?” She nodded.

“I liked waking up to you this morning, and I have a feeling it would vastly improve my Monday.”

“Then maybe we should make a habit of it,” Killian proposed with a new found gravel infiltrating his tone.

“I’d like that,” Emma confirmed.

Before they could say much more, Emma was called to fulfill her exit interview. As she spoke about the weekend and her title of star baker, she caught Killian’s eyes across the tent and truly marveled at how things could change so quickly. In his gaze she saw the promise of a magical evening, and Emma knew that she could trust him to deliver. There was still so much unspoken between the two of them, but they had time because this time Emma wasn’t running. Instead she was walking towards what she thought just might be a happily ever after come to life.

Post-Note: I wanted a scene this week of Killian’s ‘sacrifice’ because it mirrors how he’s always sacrificing himself for Emma without the ridiculous levels of pain I get on the show. Here we get protective, fall on your own sword Killian without the hysteria. I hope that you guys enjoyed, and I appreciate all the lovely feedback and the continued support. You guys are awesome, and I just hope you continue to like the story!

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time In Wonderland Rewatch: 1x10 Dirty Little Secrets

Oh God, it’s HER! The Woman in the Well is gonna be in this episode and I am not okay. She is legit the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen or heard so I will not be looking at her. I really hope I don’t see her by accident!

Cyrus was such a little sh*t back in the day. I still love him though. Cool to see he’s not perfect.

I think Cyrus is the middle brother, right?

What bastards! How did they find out where the brother’s lived? Cheating doesn’t warrant getting your house set on fire. Their poor mother!  

Will (about his bottle): “There’s not a lot of elbow room. And do you know what else there isn’t.” Alice: “Please don’t tell us.” Will: “A toilet!” God, I love there dynamic and for real, I was thinking that! Poor Cyrus, all that time with no toilet, no bath. Where’s a genie supposed to go?  

Anastasia: “Magical waters flow underneath all of the lands.” That reminds me of what August said to Emma in 1x13: “Water is a very powerful thing. Cultures as old as time have worshiped it. It flows throughout all lands, connecting the entire world. If anything had mystical properties, if anything had magic... well, I'd say it'd be water.” I guess that’s how mermaids can travel across realms. And it seems you can summon the guardian of the well from anywhere. Jesus Christ, she better not crawl out of my bath!! #neverusingwateragain  

The Jabberwocky: “... or would you rather talk about your 2 children, who are being bathed by their mother in the river as we speak? ‘How quickly can she get there?’, you're wondering. ‘How will she k*ll them? Will she have mercy on the baby?’ The answers are... very fast, very slow, and no. I don't care much for babies.” Got she’s chilling.

I wonder what she whispered to him. Something about Lizard?

The Jabberwocky’s definitely a telepath.  

Eww gross! Gross! Can’t believe they took out Lizard’s- now googly- eyes and are using them to see what she saw. Can’t they just use a dreamcatcher or something, like Emma used with Pongo. I guess it wouldn’t work because she’s dead. Poor Lizard.

I’m feeling sick looking at those!  

Apparently, Jafar’s chant; “De visu intueri. Visione revelare” is latin for “to look out of sight. To reveal a vision” according to good old, untrusty google translate.

It’s interesting that Jafar uses so much Latin to cast his spells. I don’t remember if we saw any other characters in Ouat use it. Maybe Amara taught him a whole other type of magic.

Alice: “Are you looking forward to seeing your brothers again?” Me: “You know who I’m freaking not looking forward to seeing again?!”

Rabbit really needs a break.

Wow. Ana really wants to help now. Good for her!

Jabber’s having so much fun playing peekaboo with Ana.

It’s like Jabber’s voice is coming from inside Ana’s head. So cool!

Oh snap! She’s been impaled! That looks painful!  

The way Jabber looks hurt and then starts laughing in a taunting manner.  

Ouch! And then just freaking stretches her way through the swords hilt like it’s nothing!

Ana looks like she’s going to collapse.

Oh, it’s fine, Jabber headbutted her unconscious instead haha!  

Jabber’s having so much fun. You go girl!

I love Ana too, but I just want Jabber to thrive, okay??

Love this door riddle.  

Everything he says is a lie so does that mean none of the doors lead to certain doom?

JESUS CHRIST!! My computer messed up, so I had to fast forward back to where I was, and I accidently saw some of the Guardian’s face and I am not okay!! Ngl, kinda terrified right now.

Be brave, Becky. Be brave. Whenever I’m scared, I try to think of myself as Charming wielding my sword and ready to face whatever comes for me. It really helped me because I used to be frightened of my own shadow. I still can be but it’s nowhere near what it used to be. Anyway, gonna pick up one of my toy swords and cuddle it for the remainder of this episode.

Okay, here she comes. Not looking. Not looking.

Why does she talk like that?! I want my mummy!  

Well, at least she said sorry for their suffering.  

So, is that riddle guy a human who’s been given instructions to tell lies or is he some sort of creature who can only tell lies?

Oh, he disappeared. Must be some sort of magical illusion.

Well done Alice for figuring that out! She’s actually pretty clever. I always forget that.

Jafar must be confused about Ana’s sudden change of accent.

Jafar: “It would never have worked out between us!” So, were they, like, together romantically? I’m so confused about that.

Now he’s stroking her forehead with his nose. What went on between them? Or are they just like that?

She’s coming again, isn’t she? Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.  

Their mum’s okay!

And the big reveal! Cyrus’ mother is Amara! I think I remember this absolutely shook me.  

They’re so happy!

Tell him where his mummy is!

Please.

Also, don’t hurt me.

Amara: “She’s coming for you.” AAAAAAAAAH!

My worst nightmare! Run for your lives!!

I’m not watching her, but I know she just emerges from the water in the floor and that is the creepiest sh*t ever.

My mum and I always joke that because of her dreads, she’s Jamaican and we randomly say, “give me back me watah!!” in a scary Jamaican accent, while imitating her, to frighten each other. We’re of Jamaican descent, so it brings us endless joy.  

Will: “You know she can't hurt you.” Jabber: “I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. You've suffered so much. You've already lived a life of fear, haven't you? You believe that if the prince had chosen you instead of your stepsister, then... your mother would have loved you. And now you fear that love is forever out of reach, and that deep, dark hole in your heart will remain empty... a hollow reminder... of the life you could have had. [ Laughs ] [ Inhales deeply ] Can you feel me inside that head of yours, drifting from room to room? I can see... everything. There's a darkness in you. It's like a disease. It's rotting you from the inside. You ran away from the only love you've ever had, and now you fear... ...you'll never get it back. You and I have something in common now. We both know exactly who you are. And you're terrified that it's only a matter of time before he knows, too. You can't ever get his love back. [ Gasps ] But that's not really what you want. Is it? Or you never would have donned that crown all those years ago. You made the right choice. Do it again. Wish for your precious... precious... crown.” Jabber’s powers are so cool! I love what she does. She is absolutely destroying poor Ana by getting in her head. Also, come on, a stepsister and a prince? She’s gotta be Cinderella’s stepsister, right?

Oh my God and the way she makes her wish for her crown and jewels. They seem like such silly items in the grand scheme of things, and she’s forced to wish for them, reminding her of the life she chose over Will. It was all worthless without love.

If I was Ana, I’d wish for a Pizza. At least you can do more than wear a pizza.

She can’t bear to see Will hurt.

You can tell Jabber is actually doing something inside Ana’s head. We can only see half of what she’s doing to affect her. She gives new meaning to the phrase, “messing with your head.”

That was such an awesome scene! I wish every ouat and ouatiw character was put through this so we could learn each of their deepest fears. So, I want a spin off series called: Fun Therapy Sessions with Jabber right before Therapy Sessions with Archie. I kinda wanna make a fic series about this. I’m a hurt/comfort gal, what can I say? If anyone wants a to write this, I’ll give you all my cookies!

Sweet of Tweedledum to still care about the Red Queen even though she was awful to him.

Cyrus: “Alice, you followed me. How much did you see?” Alice: “Oh not much. Just enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life.”

Only 3 episodes left! I’m not ready to say goodbye! This series is awesome!

[sprnklersplashes]

your parallel universe or mine? (part 1)

AO3 

Or, the Heathers/OUAT crossover that nobody asked for but everybody gets because 2020 is like that I guess

The diner is half-full when Emma pushes open the door, the little tinkling bell barely audible above the evening chatter, as well as the patron greeting her good morning. Truth be told, she wasn’t planning on getting dinner from Granny’s today. She had started seeing that maybe, maybe, Killian’s points that eating out for dinner for half the week is not economically a very sound plan, nor is it actually healthy. And today in particular, her house was so warm and the idea of sitting on the couch while he makes his famous omelettes and watching a feel-good movie with her daughter really did sound like a nice way to spend her evening. So no, she wasn’t actually planning on going to Granny’s.

The only problem is that she happens to have a very ambitious 6 year old who decided she was old enough and big enough to not just make dinner for herself, but also for the cat. And for some reason, she had concluded that cats must like Coco Pops. Only problem is that the Coco Pops are on the highest shelf, which she had climbed up to like it was the rigging on her father’s pirate ship. Only problem is that it isn’t, and Hope isn’t exactly blessed in the grace department. And as everyone knows, a panicked mini Saviour plus falling plus uncontrollable magic plus electronics nearby is a recipe for disaster.

Which is why she came knocking on Emma's bedroom door and explained from behind her hands that the oven was wasn’t working and, after some questioning, she may have sort of kind of accidentally sent a magic bolt heading straight for it. And as it turns out, that panicked her so much that everything else went with it. As was punctuated by the lightbulb in her room going off as Hope confessed everything and pleaded with her to believe that she didn’t really mean it.

Ah, Storybrooke. Never a dull moment.

Emma can’t be mad at Hope. Not really, since she was trying to impress her and it was something that can be easily fixed when they get home. She didn’t mean anything bad by it anyway. And… well, she gets some of Granny’s fries out of this deal. Even Killian agrees that their new home-cooked dinners can wait until Monday.

“Hey guys,” Ruby chirps, her dark hair pulled into a braid. Seeing her old friend is a bit of a surprise to Emma, and a welcome one. Not that Ruby never visits, but she’s dividing her time more unevenly lately, spending most of her time in Oz. “What can I get you?”

“Didn’t know you’d flown back in,” she comments.

“Ah well, Granny wants me to train up some new recruits,” she explains with a shrug. “Lots of kids looking part time jobs here, and since Granny’s going into retirement soon, she kind of needs all the help she can get.” She gestures to behind them, where some kids Emma recognises from the high school are milling around wearing Granny’s aprons, all with varying degrees of enthusiasm. She even spots Dorothy, a pencil tucked behind her ear, taking an order from the dwarves.

“Well look at that,” Emma mumbles. “Okay, so I’ll get cheeseburger, side of onion rings and a Coke.”

“And the grilled salmon, please. With a side of potato cakes if you don’t mind,” Killian adds. “Although if it weren’t for this one-” He pokes Hope in the belly. “We’d be eating our boiled mackerel, wouldn’t we?”

Emma hides her laugh behind her hands as Hope nods, pulling a face the moment Killian’s eyes leave hers.

“And I want a hot dog,” Hope adds. “With loads of fries. Please,” she adds after Killian gives her a look. He raises an eyebrow at her and she rolls her eyes. “And a fruit salad for dessert. Please.”

“I’ll see if I can cover the fruit in chocolate for you,” Ruby adds with a wink, swirling around before Killian can protest. One of the most important parts of parenting is knowing where to pick your battles, and one of the most amusing parts of parenting is watching Killian try to pick all of them and failing miserably. Who know that the dastardly Captain Hook, terror of the high seas, would have met his match in the form of a six year old?

Her point is proven when Hope slides one of the colouring pages in front of him, green eyes wide, and he can do nothing but grin and pick up a crayon. Emma smiles as she takes a sip of her freshly-delivered Coke, making a mental note to bring this up to Killian later. If they didn’t eat out, how do they get perfect family moments like that.

But, as with all things in Storybrooke, their perfect evening doesn’t last. Emma has barely finished her bacon when the door swings open, and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up even without turning around. She’s been in this diner enough to know that door, and to know that when it’s opened like that, it means trouble.

So she’s somewhat unsurprised when she turns to see Alice panting heavily and her eyes wide, her mouth moving a mile a minute.

“Emma! Thank goodness I caught you! You see Robin and I were walking home from work, and just as we were walking, a girl fell out in front of us! And she doesn’t look okay. She’s really, really confused I think. And scared. I think she was scared. All frowny face. But not quite angry frowning, I don’t think. I don’t know it was five whole minutes ago, I can’t remember. Point is; new girl in town appeared out of nowhere and we need help!”

“Okay,” Emma says, sifting through the load of information Alice just threw her way. “A girl? And you say she just fell out in front of you.”

“Yeah. Like one minute she wasn’t there and the next minute she was. Just appeared in the middle of the road.”

“Okay.” She eases herself off her chair and picks up her coat, despite Hope’s puppy eyes. “Could you lead me back there?”

“Uh-huh. Robin’s with her now anyway.” She sticks her hands in her pockets and rocks back and forth on her heels. “I don’t think she’s really bad. I think she’s scared.”

“Well I’ll be the judge of that.” She turns to Killian, a silent apology in her eyes. “You think you can hold down the fort while I play Sheriff?”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” he asks. “I know you can take care of yourself but-”

“I’ll be okay,” she replies. “Not like I’ll be alone. I’ll call my dad in too.”

“Okay,” he says. He gives her a small, one that feels made just for her. “I’ll make your order to go and heat it up later for you.”

“You’re a Saviour.” She pecks his lips quickly before moving to Hope, who doesn’t even bother hiding her scowl. “Hey, baby. I just need to go sort this out and then I’ll be right back, okay?” Her face doesn’t budge. If there’s one thing Hope took from both of them, it’s that petty stubbornness. Feeling Alice hovering behind her, Emma takes Hope’s hand softly, running her thumb over her knuckles. “Hey kid. I know we were meant to play today. I just need to go be Sheriff for five minutes and then you and me can play all night. Deal?”

Hope shifts at that, her eyes moving up to meet Emma’s.

“We can watch Super Bugs?” she asks.

There are few things Emma dislikes more than Super Bugs. It only has one redeeming factor; how much Hope loves it. And she really, really needs to go.

“All day long,” she promises. “Sound like a plan?”

Hope relents at that, the promise of Super Bugs winning her over, and Emma drops a kiss to her head before letting Alice lead her out of the diner, following her down to where this mysterious appearing girl is.

As she and Alice run through the streets and out of the main street, stores and bars slowly giving way to houses which grow fewer and further between. Emma has never been more grateful for the amount of running she’s done in the past years. Alice must have done her fair share too; the girl barely breaks a sweat as she leads her in the direction of the town line, the pavement giving way to the forest floor. It’s there that they come into view, Robin standing on the side of the road, her hands half extended towards a young, freaked out girl. More than freaked out, Emma thinks as she slows to a halt. She looks like she’s been to hell and back; her face streaked with thick black dust, her jacket torn open and from the look of it, she’s struggling to hold herself up. And that's not even mentioning her eyes, which hold far too much for someone her age.

“Who’s this?” she demands, her voice weak and unsteady. She can’t be more than eighteen. Up close, Emma sees the blood across her face, mixing with the dirt, and the way her shirt and jacket both seem badly torn and burned on the edges, and her heart clenches.

“This is Emma,” Robin says quietly. She’s handling it well enough, despite being completely out of her depth. “She can help, she’s a friend of ours.”

“She’s right kid,” Emma says. “Thanks girls, I’ve got it from here.” The girl doesn’t move as Alice and Robin leave, the two casting last looks at her and Alice mumbling thanks to Emma. Emma is ready to grab her in case she runs, but to her surprise, she doesn’t. She just stands there, arms wrapped around herself and her eyes darting everywhere. “Okay, kid. I take it you’re a little confused.”

“A little?” she asks. Her mouth opens and closes wordlessly, hunting for the right questions. “Where am I?”

“Good first question,” she says. “You’re in Storybrooke, Maine.”

“I’m in where?” she asks. She almost laughs. “How the hell am I in Maine?”

“This happens around here more often than you’d think.” She goes to ask her where she’s from, but a car pulling up behind her distracts her. Her dad gets out of the Sheriff’s car, looking to Emma for answers. Unfortunately for him, she’s yet to get anywhere. The girl on the other hand sees the car, probably taking in the word painted on the side, and tenses even more than she already is.

“You guys are cops?” she asks, her voice shooting up.

“Yeah, we’re cops,” Emma says, wincing. The girl’s eyes are wild and frantic as they meet hers, and Emma worries that she might snap and bolt in the other direction. “But it’s okay, you’re not in trouble. We just want to get you home.” She breathes in and takes another step towards her, and after a moment, moves to block her dad from her view. She lowers her voice and her fingers brush against the girl’s. She flinches at the touch, and Emma takes the message. “Hey, you can trust me, okay? I don’t know where you came from, but we can get you back there. I promise.” As the girl dips her head she does the same, trying to get a look at her. “But I can only do that if you co-operate with us here, okay?”

It’s either seconds or years before the girl nods and lets out a weak ‘okay’.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” She looks over her shoulder, to where her dad is sitting on the hood of the car, his eyes not leaving Emma. She looks back at the girl, this fragile looking young girl whom she doesn’t know, but she knows she’s been through some shit. She can’t even imagine everything that led her here, but she can imagine how she must be feeling. “Do you have a name? Cause I’d like to call you something other than kid.”

She nods and lifts her head so that her eyes meet Emma’s.

“It’s Veronica,” she says. “Veronica Sawyer.”

And Emma grins.

“Good to meet you, Veronica Sawyer.”

Veronica doesn’t say a word to either of them the whole ride to the station. But she isn’t rude. She’s not like other teenagers Emma has picked up, who sit in the back with their arms tightly folded glaring daggers into the back of Emma’s head, nor is she throwing out sarcastic remarks in the hopes that one or both eventually snaps. Instead, she’s quiet, sitting there with her eyes trained on one particular spot, her grip on herself not once slipping or loosening. More than anything else she looks exhausted; the kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones and stays there and the kind you can’t get rid of with a quick power nap or a cup of coffee. An ache builds in Emma’s chest the more she looks at her, past memories flickering up against the present, and so she tears her own eyes off her and looks out at the road instead, not feeling settled until Storybrooke Main Street is in sight.

As they pull up outside the Sheriff Station, Veronica visibly pales; her already white skin turning practically translucent. Her legs barely hold her up as she stumbles out of the car, her knuckles white as she grips the door, yet she flinches away from Emma’s hand when she reaches for her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Emma tells her softly. She doesn’t move any closer, not when Veronica looks so damn scared, but she tries to reassure her anyway. “No one’s going to hurt you. I promise. We just want to get you back home as soon as we can. Wherever home is.” Veronica doesn’t budge, her eyes trained on the station. The worst part of all this is Emma can’t blame her. It would be so much easier if she could. “You can hold my gun if it makes you-”

“No!” That has to be the strongest Emma has heard the girl’s voice since they met. There’s so much force in it that it actually takes her back a little.

“Okay,” she replies after a while. “Not a fan of guns. Me neither.”

“S-sorry,” she mumbles. She takes a shaky step out and closes the door behind her, swallowing thickly. “I just…. Sorry.”

“It’s okay kid.” Veronica nods, the gesture tiny. Emma takes in a deep breath, looking back over at the station, her father already inside. Veronica must be thinking the same thing she is because she takes a step closer to her and waves in that direction.

“I guess we don’t have all day, do we?”

Just like in the car, the sight of Veronica sitting at the table in the station brings back memories Emma would rather forget. Maybe she’s younger than Emma thought she was, because she looks so vulnerable just sitting there, so lost. She wonders for a second if she might have to excuse herself from this and leave her dad to deal with her. He’s got all that charming warmth anyway. Less prickly than she is. He’s probably better suited to the task than Emma is.

But something in her freaks out at that idea. Somehow she just knows she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she left this girl’s side, even if it was with her father.

“Okay, here’s your coffee,” she says, placing the cup in front of her.

“Thank you,” she says, her voice breaking. As she sits down across from her, Emma shares a look with her dad, glad to see that they’re at least on the same page here. “Okay… so getting the obvious out of the way, you aren’t from here.”

“No,” she replies with a shake of her head. “I-I mean you said I was in Maine, right? We’re in Maine? But I was in Ohio! How did I get from Ohio to Maine?”

“Ohio?” Charming echoes, realisation dawning on him in time with Emma. “You mean you’re from-you’re from America? From here?”

“I-yes?” she replies, blinking helplessly. “Is…. Is that optional?” David takes Emma’s arm and turns them both around, glancing at Veronica with anxiety evident in his eyes.

“Emma she’s from here,” he states quietly. “From here. Not the Enchanted Forest or Neverland or anywhere else. She’s from this realm.”

“Not from the where now?” Veronica asks. She looks from Emma to David, hoping one can give her an answer. Her mouth hangs open like she’s on the verge of laughing. “Did you just say the Enchanted Forest?”

“You really need to work on your subterfuge,” Emma mutters to him. She leans on the table, looking over at Veronica, trying to find some way to put all this. It’s one thing she just appeared in Storybrooke, but if she’s from the Land Without Magic, that means she has no idea about other realms. And there’s only so much a person can take. “It’s a long story. And it’s not important right now. What’s important is getting you home.”

“Do you remember what you were doing before you got here?” David asks. “Anything at all?”

Veronica lets out a long, ragged breath, her fingers tapping noiselessly on the table. Just as Emma wonders if she should ask again, she speaks, her voice impossibly far away.

“Yeah, I do,” she answers. She takes a long drink of her coffee and squares her shoulders, taking a deep breath in. Emma clenches her fist under the table. She doesn’t know what version of events they’re about to hear, but she’d wager there’s some ugliness that she isn’t going to share. Maybe it has something to do with the dust and blood smeared across her face. “I was at the school. We were having a pep rally. And I had been talking to my friends and then I just had to go… be by myself for a little bit. So I was going home. Then the rain got really heavy and… and I couldn’t see for a minute. I think I tripped over something- no I stepped in a puddle. Then next thing I know… I’m here. And those two girls are talking to me.” Her shoulders shake, her hand presses to her mouth as a whimper escapes her, and Emma is overcome with an urge to go and sit with her and hold her. It’s not maternal or anything close. It’s something else; something that comes from deep within her.

“And… all that?” David asks gently. “Did you get all that just from coming here?”

“What?” she asks before realising. She looks down at herself, like she’s seeing the torn clothes for the first time and reaches up to touch her face, looking at her fingers coming away stained black. “Yeah. Must have been from coming here.”

She’s lying. Emma can tell. But she can also tell she has good reason to do so, so she decides not to press.

“But you’ve never heard of this place before?” David asks her. “Ever?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “No offence but what kind of town is called Storybrooke?”

“We’re not on most maps,” Emma says before leaning back in her chair. This is a tricky one. Everyone else who’s shown up here in the past has done so with some chunk of their memories missing and being from a fairy-tale. Sometimes needing help, sometimes with a plan to destroy them. But Veronica doesn’t fit into any of those categories. She’s from this realm, she remembers how she got here, and while she could be wrong, Emma doesn’t think she’s here to hurt any of them. So where do they go from here? Maybe it is as simple as her getting in the bug and driving her back home, but that doesn’t sit right with Emma. How could someone from the Land Without Magic get here? What-or who-could have sent her here?

Her phone buzzing interrupts Emma’s thoughts, cutting it off before she can go full Sherlock Holmes. Maybe in this case, having Sherlock Holmes around wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but they’re unfortunately yet to come across him. She pulls out her phone, finding only two texts from Killian; one showing a picture of her wrapped up dinner and the other asking if she’s okay.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s just Killian,” Emma explains, sending a quick ‘I’ll fill you in later’ as a reply.

“What is that?” Veronica asks. Emma’s head snaps up, having not expected her to say anything. Little rude of her maybe, but she didn’t exactly strike her as the chatty type, at least not in the current circumstances. Veronica presses her fist into her hand, nodding at Emma’s phone. “Sorry. I’ve just never seen something like that before.”

“This?” Emma asks. “It’s just my phone.”

“That’s a phone?” she asks, eyes going wide. This is the closest to a normal teenager she’s sounded since Emma met her. Far less broken. Less scared. There’s even a hint of a smile on her face. “But it’s tiny. There’s no antenna. I didn’t know they made phones that small! Where are the buttons on it?”

With every new word, Emma’s mouth falls open more and more, and she turns to David to see him come to the same realisation. Like with most things in Storybrooke, this might be a bit more complicated than she thought.

“Veronica,” she begins slowly. “What year is it?”

“What?” the other girls asks.

“Humour me,” Emma says. “What’s the date? Before you got here, what date was it?”

Veronica looks from Emma to David as though she’s expecting one or the other to laugh and say it’s a joke. When neither one says it, she tells him, confusion creasing her face even more than it had before.

“November 25th,” she says. “1989.”

                                                                                               ******

Emma calls it a night not long after that, in part due to her own helplessness and partly due to Veronica’s. She has no idea what the poor girl went through before she came here, but she does know that having her sit in a police station with questions she can’t answer isn’t helping. Anyone can see how shattered she is; the shadows under her eyes becoming more pronounced and her eyes getting heavier no matter how much she tries to hide it. What she needs is a nap, a shower, and a good breakfast. So Emma stands up, puts her jacket on and instructs Veronica to do the same, despite her father’s mild, hushed protests.

“Emma,” he whispers as he follows her to the door. “Are you sure about this, I mean we still know nothing about her.”

“Yeah and she know nothing about us,” she tells him firmly, taking a look back at her. “She clearly has no idea how she got here or what happened. Plus, look at her. Leaving it a few hours won’t hurt anyone.” David’s eyes follow hers, his face softening almost as soon as he looks over at her. Maybe there’s something in her that reminds him of what he once was; lost and running and scared, stuck in an unfamiliar place. Or maybe she reminds him of what Emma was too. Or maybe he’s just kind. Whatever the reason, he nods at her.

“Okay,” he says. “You’re right. But the question is now what do we do with her?”

“Don’t worry,” she replies, grabbing the car keys. “I have the whole thing worked out.”

The Sheriff’s car pulls up outside Granny’s inn, Veronica sitting in the backseat. Just as she asked, Killian is already sitting on the front steps, although she doesn’t remember asking him to bring their daughter. Nevertheless, Hope jumps up the minute she sees the car, Killian’s hand around her waist the only thing stopping her from fully jumping on Emma.

“Well hello little miss,” she says as she approaches. “Surely at this point you should at least have your PJs on.”

“I heard you were going to Granny’s,” she says, her smile soft and warm and all butter-wouldn’t-melt. “And I missed you tonight.” Emma shakes her head and looks at Killian, who only offers a helpless shrug.

“She can be very persuasive when she wants to be, love,” he tells her.

“I’m sure she can.” Killian’s eyes move behind her, as do Hope’s, and Emma turns too, holding her hand out. After a moment’s hesitation, Veronica steps forwards, although her hands remain to herself. Emma relates. “Killian, this is Veronica. She’s going to be hanging around town for a while. Veronica, this is my husband Killian, and my daughter Hope.”

“Hi,” she says quietly, shifting nervously on her feet.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, love,” Killian tells her. “Come on in. They’ve got your room all ready for you.”

“My-my room?” Veronica asks.

“Yeah, your room,” Emma explains. “You think we were just going to let you sleep in the woods? Or the Sheriff station? No way, kid. We pulled some strings and put you up at Granny’s until we can send you back home.”

“Oh,” she says. She shakes her head slightly, the movement swift and sharp. “No, no that’s okay. I mean really, you don’t have to go all out for me. I can find somewhere else.”

“Oh yeah with what money?” Emma asks, and that stops her in her tracks. She takes another step closer to her then, her hand slowly and gently coming to rest on her arm. Veronica stiffens, but she doesn’t pull away. “It’s okay, Veronica. You need a place to stay for a while and I’d feel a lot safer with you being here than anywhere else. And it’s a really nice place too. Granny will take good care of you.” She still looks unsure though, her hand fidgeting at her side. “Besides, it’s not like we’re paying. I’m the Sheriff, so this is coming out of taxpayer dollars, okay?” She runs her hand up and down her arm. “It’s just for a while until we get you back home.”

Emma holds her breath and after what feels like a lifetime, Veronica nods.

The gruffness they’ve come to expect from Granny is completely gone when she greets Veronica; acting more like her fairy-tale counterpart than the Granny she knows and loves. She’s all rosy cheeked smiles and gentle eyes, welcoming her like she’s one of their own.

Actually, scratch that. She wouldn’t be so polite to her own family.

Emma follows them as she leads Veronica to her room, Killian and Hope in tow. The latter seems more than a little disappointed that the attention is focussed on someone else for a change but manages to keep it to herself. Killian is a great distraction for her anyway and Emma does have a sneaking suspicion that her promise of Super Bugs is still in Hope’s mind.

“And here we are,” Granny says, unlocking the door. It’s a very nice room; double bed, fresh sheets, bathroom attached, cookies on the table and a view of the sea just to name a few. It’s lovely, and she’s glad of it, but it’s also far more extravagant than what she paid for. So much so that she has to take the old woman by the elbow and pull her aside.

“Granny,” she says in a low voice. “This is…. I only paid for a single room. I told Killian to-”

“Now you stop right there,” she tells her strongly. She looks back over at Veronica, engaged in some sort of conversation with Killian, and there’s a faraway look in her eyes that Emma can’t place. “I heard what you told Hook about that girl, and from the looks of her, a big bed and some treats is the least we can do. Besides,” she adds with a shrug. “Not like anyone was using it.”

“Granny. You’re an angel,” Emma sighs before crossing back over to Veronica. She keeps looking around the place, her gaze never stopping on one thing, like she’s expecting everything to blink out of existence. Emma nods at her and places her hand on her shoulder. “This okay for you, kid?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Thank you, Emma,” she says. “Thank you for… you know, all of this, you didn’t have to-”

“No problem,” she says. “You get some rest. Tomorrow we’ll meet up with everyone and try to work all this out.” She nods, but her face falls as she does so, what little light there was fading from her eyes, and Emma gives her shoulder a squeeze. “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll get you back home before you know it. Trust me, it’s what we do here.”

She doesn’t get an answer, at least not in the traditional sense. Veronica doesn’t give her a response or anything like that. All she gets is a nod and, after a pause, she reaches out and squeezes her hand. And that means more than anything she could say.

After getting Veronica settled and another two confirmations that she’ll be okay, plus another thank you to Granny, Emma heads home, a tired Hope on her hip and Killian’s arm around her waist.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Killian asks when they’re home, handing her a coffee. She sits on the couch, Hope sprawled across her lap and fast asleep with Emma running her fingers gently through her dark hair.

“Well, she’s not from the Enchanted Forest,” Emma says. “Or the Wish Realm. Or Neverland or anywhere like that. She’s from Ohio.” He frowns slightly, unused to her map, and she has to grin. “That’s sixteen hours from here. Not factoring in bathroom breaks.”

“She’s from the Land Without Magic?” he asks, his eyes widening. “How can she have gotten here without magic?”

“That’s not the only thing,” she says. She half turns towards him, mindful of Hope on her lap. “She thought it was 1989, Killian. She might be from this world but she’s not from this time.”

“You think she time travelled here?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “That’s the thing… I don’t know. I don’t know how or why she could have come here.” She runs her finger around Hope’s back, tracing invisible patterns, and lets out a sigh. “She seemed really scared, Killian.” He hums in agreement, his hand wound tightly around his mug.

“You like her.” he asks. States. It takes Emma by surprise either way; her head snapping up. It’s so much that she accidentally jostles Hope; the little girl shifts on her lap and murmurs something incoherent before settling back down, her breath ruffling her hair.

“What?” is all she can say.

“Just… a mysterious girl shows up out of nowhere, we have no idea who she is, and your gut reaction is to put her up in a nice room at Granny’s and pay for her meals,” he says. “Just seems like you care for her.”

“I barely know her,” Emma mumbles in a reply, before her lips turn up into a smirk. “Anyway, it was the honourable thing to do, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was.” He presses a kiss to her hair, causing a faint warmth to spread over her cheeks. He plays with her hair, eyeing her knowingly. Open book, of course. “There’s something else, isn’t there? Something else about Veronica?”

Emma sighs, looking into her coffee. Of course there is. She felt it the minute she looked at Veronica. She may be older than Emma was, and she may look different, but when Emma saw her in the woods, in the back of their car, at the station, all she could see was herself. The look she saw in Veronica’s eyes is one she knows all too well. The look you have when you’re let down, badly. When you were floating on cloud nine one minute ago but now you’re laying on the concrete, broken and bleeding in ways no-one can see but you. She knows it. She’s had it. They might look different, and Veronica may be a little older than she was, but that was her, years and years ago. Standing in a train station, hearing that Neal was gone, taking the future they had planned with him. She doesn’t know what Veronica’s story is, but she’d bet there’s overlap there. And looking at her, she felt every moment of that heartbreak all over again. The second Emma saw Veronica’s eyes, a connection was forged for her, one she can’t shake even if she wanted to. Because even trying to walk away feels like she’s not better than everyone else who let her down in her life. And she’d rather die than be that person.

But she doesn’t feel like saying all of that right now. And Killian knows anyway, he always knows. So she takes a deep breath and says,

“She’s just a kid. And she needs someone to help.” She blinks then, only to find fresh tears in her eyes. “How can I resist?” Killian nods, all understanding eyes and gentle smiles, and kisses her again before offering to carry Hope up to bed, agreeing to meet Emma in their room once he's done. She dumps her coffee down the sink and leans against the counter, her eyes closed tightly as her mind once again drifts to Veronica. Her hand twitches for a moment, reaching for the phone to call her, but she stops herself just in time. She might be the Sheriff and the Saviour, but one thing she isn't her mother, so she'll have to dampen that instinct and focus on the task at hand; getting Veronica Sawyer home.

Veronica Sawyer. While she can't place it, there's something so familiar about that name.

[takaraphoenix]

Hi! What are your thoughts about OUAT.

That’s a complex, layered answer because my feelings for OUaT are very complex. The short of it is that, obsession and love level wise, this was my Shadowhunters before Shadowhunters existed as a show. I completely loved and adored this show, I watched every episode as soon as it came out, with a single-minded focus (as in: normally, when watching TV, I use the show as a background noise to my writing. There is only a select handful of TV shows that ever managed to get my full, undivided attention of me turning all else off to only focus on the show).

I love OUaT to bits and pieces. However, much like Shadowhunters, it was far from a flawless show. Very, very, very far. Seriously, it’s an absolute mess in many aspects but damn do I love it.

It appeals to many of the things I love. For one, classic Disney movies. For another, fairy tales - but the very specific niche genre of fairy tale crossovers, which is just... my biggest weakness, possibly. Thirdly, characters you can get invested in and love to bits and pieces.And fourth, shipping.

This is one of the incredibly small, tiny pool of shows where I absolutely adore the canon ships, not just in a “daw it’s cute enough” way that makes me accept that it is The Canon Ship That’s Happening, but in a way that has me actively invested in and rooting for those absolute dumbasses. And. Not just one ship, usually it’s like “huh I am surprisingly invested in this one ship”, but - Rumpel/Belle, Hook/Emma, David/Snow?? Yes, please, inject it into my veins.

Though also just as attached to my non-canon ships - REGINA/EMMA FOR LIFE, Ruby/Snow, Hook/David. And that duality of being really invested in the non-canon ships but still absolutely loving the canon ships? That is... completely and entirely unique to OUaT for me. Never happened outside this show.

I adore that this show did one of the things that I complained Descendants didn’t - it respects Snow White, the very first Disney princess, and puts her front and center. Never-ever made sense to me that Descendants just went “uuuh we at random picked Belle to rule all the kingdoms because I dunno the head writer loves Beauty and the Beast the most”... Snow White was Disney’s very first and I do think she deserves more respect.

The things they did with her! They made her an actual active heroine. Not a little girl hiding out in the woods. They explored possibilities and turned her into a total badass, who never lost the main qualities of Disney’s Snow White though. Her nurturing, loving, gentle soul. That is what I adore about her, because very often when trying to portray strong female characters, media removes their softness, makes them hardened to make them a badass.

Regina and Emma have such a brilliant canon dynamic - even beyond the fanon ship. The way they mended and grew together and became friends. The growth, the softness, the shared custody. I love them.

And with both Regina and Rumpel, I love the day they gradually progressed from “main antagonist from season 1″ to “part of the family”. This show is a found family feast.

It wasn’t flawless. It had some pacing issues, in my opinion. Like the Peter Pan arc was too long. They went hiking for like 12 episodes. That one still sticks with me as having bored me. And I also do think it was a huge mistake to make Peter Pan, one of Disney’s heroes a villain. He was a great villain and his actor absolutely killed it, don’t get me wrong, but in the context of Disney canon, it was a bit jarring.

The same is to be said about Arthur. Don’t take King Arthur, of all people, and turn him into a jackass. That didn’t sit right with me and I think that could, and should, have been handled differently.

As a huge fan of Wizard of Oz canon, I have mixed feelings about Zelina. She was kind of a joke most of the time, her raping Robin was not good at all (beeecause that’s what it is when you shapeshift into the person the other one loves and then have sex with them under pretense to get yourself pregnant), but in the end it - and her - fit relatively well into all of this.

Was completely wasted for the entire Frozen arc, but even I, someone who loathes that movie with a burning passion, genuinely enjoyed the way the show was trying to fix it? Answer all the unanswered question the movie left and actually tie it into the Snow Queen fairy tale? Like, that was a feast and I love that they did that. Also Ingrid was hot and checked all my boxes so there’s that.

In the same way, I adore what they did with Ursula. That they took the scraped canon of Ursula being Triton’s sister and worked with that and that they in the end decided to redeem her too - though I am still very disappointed that we never got to see Ursula actually interact with Ariel at all. That’d have been so interesting. (Also, I admit, they went really overkill with having three Ursulas. Regina pretending to be Ursula, Ursula the ancient golden statue goddess and the actual Ursula, daughter of Poseidon).

I love Hades. I love Greg Germann’s take on Hades. He absolutely killed it. The whole underworld story was incredibly awesome to me personally - though I know others didn’t like that half-season as much. But I really dug that.

I think that it started to fizz out after that though and that after the underworld storyline, they probably should have drawn it to a close, because... after everything, after five whole seasons of watching redemption and working hard to make up for the things you did in the past, they really just decided “and now Regina is gonna physically split off her Evil Queen”... and made that Evil Queen the villain. That felt insanely repetitive of season 1 and like a set-back for Regina.

(The second half of that season didn’t go better because honestly that whole nonsense with “not only is Rumpel the son of Peter Pan, nope, now we bring in his mom the Evil Fairy”, featuring the very overused trope of “baby is magically aged up to be a character who can contribute to the plot”... Not the best.)

Also I refuse to acknowledge the existence of that reboot season. It’s bullshit is what it is. The show had the perfect ending. And then they immediately slapped a reboot onto it... why? If they had taken their time, wait ten years until nostalgia for the show kicks in and the actors all need work again, and do a proper “now Henry goes through shit”, that’d have actually been interesting, but... the moment I saw “so... we keep half the main cast, break up some OTPs, don’t age the adults up but age Henry up and also there is now a second Cinderella��, I knew that’s not gonna be good.

Seriously, the second Cinderella is what really fucked it over for me. What I loved about OUaT was that it gave very specific rules to its universe.

The Author documents the tales. The Author gives them their spin. But they are still the same tale. Be that the Brothers Grimm, who documented Cinderella, or then Walt Disney, it was still Cinderella, from the Enchanted Forest. Their stories were simply written down.

That they then, in the reboot season, went “well, actually There Are Many Cinderellas!!” completely contradicts the previously established rules of this world? Because yes, the concept very similar to Cinderella actually exists in many cultures - and that was the cool thing of OUaT’s take, because pressumably that is because the Author was in said culture at said time and documented the tale, as is the Author’s job.

Especially since it was so... unnecessary? I mean, they gave Rapunzel one half-assed episode in the past, they never tackled Gold Mary, they could have shown what became of Hänsel and Gretel now also grown up, etc. There were other unused characters that could have been brought in instead of throwing the rules out of the window.

But moving on from that; I love that they didn’t limit themselves to Disney movies - that they did prominently put Red Riding Hood (my favorite fairy tale character) in there, that they worked with mythology as well as books.

One thing they absolutely fucked up was their spin-off though. Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. They made that. They decided that, out of everything touched upon in the series, Alice’s tale should get a spin-off... and then they didn’t use any of the actual characters?

Alice herself never got an appearance in OUaT, not prior or after the spin-off (only very much later in the reboot season, with a different Alice)

They had the Queen of Hearts on OUaT, but they didn’t use her as the main antagonist, or at least a huge deal, on Wonderland

They had the freaking Mad Hatter on OUaT, but he doesn’t even have a single cameo on Wonderland

And don’t give me “Seb Stan was too busy!”, because... even then, they could have recast. The Mad Hatter is kind of a big part of Alice in Wonderland, but... they ignored the majority of what is important in AiW in general, so there is that

They named the Red Queen Anastasia and very heavily implied that yes, the Anastasia who was the stepsister of Cinderella - but when OUaT’s original Cinderella got her stepsisters introduced, they suddenly had entirely different names than the Disney stepsisters and of course it wasn’t the same actress either

They introduced Jafar (for some reason) in Wonderland. And then recast him when Aladdin was tackled on OUaT and never addressed any of the things that happened on Wonderland, especially not how Jafar was the son of the sultan which would technically make him Jasmine’s brother

It was nearly dumb to move Will Scarlet to OUaT after the spin-off was axed, because at that point they legit just ignored Wonderland as a whole so this acknowledgment felt very off. But then it’s Michael Socha and I love him so I ain’t gonna complain about that.

So yes, I have mild issues with how they made a spin-off that had basically no inpact on the show, despite many elements that should have crossed over and carried significance in both shows.

Lastly, because we’re on the topic of spin-offs, I still would absolutely kill for a spin-off about Mulan, Merida and Ruby. Those three, exploring the Enchanting Forest together, training together, being gay together, it was the best thing. Which does force me to mention the gay. Because... Mulan was canonically in love with Aurora and when they set her up to find Ruby and journey with her, it came really off as them trying to make Mulan/Ruby happen. Then they introduce Merida, a very famously single princess, and you start to wonder. But in the end, it’s Ruby who ends up with Dorothy, aka two characters not associated with Disney. And it makes you wonder. (It doesn’t. We all know Disney is hugely homophobic. We all know OUaT most likely had some Disney executive yelling at them for even implying one of their characters may be gay. So they backtracked to give the wlw storyline to two characters that weren’t Disney property.)

Ah, I don’t like ending things on a negative note so one last positive - as weirdly as the Dark Swan arc was handled at parts, I absolutely love that Emma’s name being Swan really did pay off in making her the Swan Princess in the end and giving a nudge to Swan Lake with the Dark Swan. That was such a cool pay-off of something as small as a last name.

So, to sum it up, there’s some flaws in the writing, some things I wish would have been explored more, but overall good gods do I love and adore this TV show.

[slothinplaid]

Star Wars Experience Part 4 (aka Mom and I Watch Star Wars):

The Mandalorian

There are SO many people that mom & I recognized in the cast list for the show, lmao. That being said. Most of these comments will probably be us yelling about seeing people we know, lmao.

Episode 1: The Mandalorian

1. Yepp. Immediately. Me: "Oh hey, that's Apollo Creed." Mom: "Huh. Yeah."

2. Omid Abtahi the /moment/ he stepped into frame mom yells "SALIM!! IT'S SALIM/NOT-SALIM!! DO YOU REMEMBER HIM?? I LOVE HIM!! 😭" yes Ma, I remember him, he's a cutie, and I know you do

3. Mom, hearing Kuiil speak for .02 seconds, "Oh, that's Nick Nolte." Wow. And she is apparently stealing, "I have spoken" for herself, haha

4. The Blurrgs freak me out. 😬 They're a mix of blob fish, tadpoles, & piranhas and I Don't Like Them.

5. I was not expecting Taika to use an American accent, so we only caught that he was IG-11 when his accent slipped on a word and we realized it was the voice he used in Seven Stages to Achieve Eternal Bliss as Storsh, lmfao.

6. Not even gonna lie, as soon as I saw Baby Yoda I screamed, lmao. He's just. So fucking cute. 😭

Episode 2: The Child

1. Mom already relates so hard to Mando that she guesses what he's thinking...because it's what she's thinking, lmfao

2. I guess the Jawas have ventured into space to...yet another sand planet, lmao.

3. My first impression of the Mudhorn: Sand Rhino. Then mom observed it was covered in hair. So. /Wooly/ Sand Rhino. Lmao. The egg was weird!! Kinda...kiwi-ish? Mom thought the Jawas wanted it to sell it; I figured they were gonna eat it. I was right and the uh, yolk, I guess, looked more like melted cheese to me, haha.

4. Both of us when Baby Yoda passed out after using the Force on the Mudhorn: "Oh NO!! 😨😭😟"

Episode 3: The Sin

1. Then when Mando gave the baby to the Client: 😑😧😡 & when he got his armor and rescued the baby: 😑😶😍

2. The other Mandalorians helping him escape with the baby was pretty toight.

3. HE GAVE THE KNOB/BALL THING TO BABY YODA AHHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭

Episode 4: Sanctuary

1. We both thought Omera looked familiar so I looked it up and yeah. She was Leah in New Moon, lmao. And then, even though it was dark and the quality kinda gross, I saw the side of Eugene Cordero's face and yelled out "PILLBOI!!!" and my mom was like?? until he showed up again and she knew who I meant, haha

2. Gina Carano!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍 I warned my mom before the show that I was gonna be Real Gay seeing Gina but I think she underestimated /how/ gay, lmfao

3. I knew Mando wouldn't stay there with Omera & her kid and raise Baby Yoda, but, ughh it would have been so good for them.

Episode 5: The Gunslinger

1. When I read Jake Cannavale's name on the cast list I was like?? Like Bobby Cannavale?? Yes! He's his son. Wild. Cute. His character had potential. Sucks he was a dick instead.

2. Ming-Na Wen is awesome and a fuckin badass and her character (most likely) did NOT deserve to go out like that!!

Episode 6: The Prisoner

(aka the ep with the most cameos)

1. My mom just /heard/ Ran speak and she goes, "Bobby!! (his character in Sons of Anarchy) That's my dude!!" and every time he did/said something, "That's SUCH a Bobby thing" "Haha, Bobby is like that too" okay ma, lmao

2. Thoughts on the crew:

Xi'an: me- "Tonks?!?!" mom- "oh! that's Osha from Game of Thrones" and we agreed she was very...Suicide Squard!Harley Quinn (bad kinda crazy)

Mayfield: super douche

Burg: mom- "Devil creature!!!" then "Oh, that's the one dude whose face you didn't want to see" me- "Yeah, and thankfully you can't even really see it, haha" (I just...can't stand that guys face for some reason)

Zero- of course Richard Ayoade is a droid

3. I was excited for Matt Lanter's cameo and wowie, a whole FIVE seconds of screen time. cool, cool

4. Qin was also bad kinda crazy, but I looked up the actor and holy FUCK the guy is attractive. Good for him

5. Mando was right: they all definitely deserved what they got

Episode 7: The Reckoning

1. Mom and I the after Karga's plan proposal: "It's a trap" lmao

2. Mynocks are just...pterodactyls?

3. I figured Baby Yoda could heal when he tried to get to Mando's arm before, but seeing it? 😭😭😭😭

4. We know Giancarlo Esposito from OUAT and mom was disappointed he wasn't wearing eyeliner, lmfao

5. Poor Kuiil ):

Episode 8: Redemption

(how is it over already? /:)

1. Knowing Jason Sudeikis & Adam Pally were the Scout Troopers made the scene both bearable and unbearable because ya know, two funny actors we like, but both of them hitting the child made us wanna punch them in the dicks

2. IG-11!!!! Nurse droid and Badass™ When Mando tries to protest him taking the helmet off because no living thing can see him without it on and IG goes, "I am not a living thing." Fuck, dude 😭😭😭

3. All the Mandalorian armor in that pile /:

4. Din got his signet ("for a clan of two" 😭), his jetpack AND officially became a dad I cannot 😭😭😭 (even though he is supposed to find the baby's home, but whatever, Din Dad!!)

5. IG-11 about to sacrafice himself, to Din: "There is nothing to be sad about. I have never been alive." Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

6. Kinda sad Cara didn't go with Din & Baby Yoda. I'm hoping for more teamups.

7. Upset that Gideon lived, but not gonna lie...that darksaber is cool as fuck

Definitely looking forward to more good space dad, his cute green son, and my wife in the future, lmao

[ryik-the-writer]

I was tagged by @abbas-ragamuffin (*kisssssess*

Rules: name ten favorite characters from ten different things (TV, movies, books, etc.), then tag ten people

1. Alice Jones - This character was breath of fresh air for OUAT. She was unique, talented and gave actual fleshed out LGBT+ representation for the show. I also love how Hook was re-written because of her existence, showing us that in another life that character wasn’t such a dick as his original version is.

2. Anko Mitarashi - I started watching anime when I was about 13 or 14, and I started watching Naruto after seeing her in the intro. Honestly, I thought she was beautiful and mysterious, and I was thrilled when she finally got her own arc. I love her story, and I even love her dynamic with the villain Orochimaru. I hate how she gets crap in the spinoff series Baruto because she gained weight...my bitch loves food man let her be happy! She’s kick-ass, crazy and a hell of a woman!

3. Dipper Pines - I love my smol boy so much! He’s such a great character and really shows how a real child acts with concepts like peer-pressure, romance, and hell, even PTSD. I hate when shows try to make seem like kids have to be the adult in the room when they’re are freaking adults right there, but Dipper was really balanced out as a problem-solver but also as someone who adults look after. He’s awkward, he’s fun and he’s going to make a hell of an explorer one day!

4. Sophie Hatter - Howl’s Moving Castle is probably my favorite Studio Ghibli movie...though I love all of them! Sophie particularly always stuck to me just because of her personality and storyline. I mean, her whole story is like a Beauty and the Beast remix/slice of life story that really has no plot but to engage and delight you. I found her ability to swing from ‘oh shit there’s a curse on me!’ to “oh there’s a curse on me gotta clean this damn castle/fall in love with this sexy wizard’ just unbelievable delightful. Young or old, she’s amazing!

5. Coraline Jones - My idol as a kid. As I mentioned with Dipper, I really don’t like the ‘kids have to save the day despite there being able adults’ trope, but this is one of the few stories it actually works. Coraline herself is just a great kid and puts the stamp on the ‘weird kid’ trope. I love the idea of her story continuing one day.

6. The Gold family - Rumplestiltskin, Belle and Gideon Gold - I will not choose between these three. I love this family, and I love every version where Bae is included. We were robbed that we weren’t given more time with them.

7. Zuko - This guy has four seasons worth of character development and it shows. Zuko is just an amazing character, and Dante Basco’s role with his development just adds such a deep level to him. 

8.  Amélie Poulain - Amélie is a french movie about a women who honestly just goes around doing good deeds and figuring out her life. That’s it, but damn if this character doesn’t make it worth watching.  Amélie is shy, but very fierce and kind and just wants to be happy. There’s a lot of headcanons that she’s autistic or may have Aspergers, and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if that’s comes out as cannon one day. She’s such a beautiful person. 

9. Jame Hook - Who couldn’t love this little psycho? I’m pretty shruggy when to Descendents franchise. I’m it’s certainly creative and has REALLY great casting, though crazy corny in a lot of aspects. Still, I LOVE this character. He’s so spontaneous and is just having the time of his life. Not to mention I stan a pirate who has the queen of the sea’s back.

10.  Cindy Campbell - Okay, leave your hate mail in the inbox. I’m a fan of the Scary Movie franchise, and I found Cindy absolutely hilarious. Yes the movies are horrible, but If I’m writing and I need some  background noise, I’ll turn this on and chuckle a bit. 

tagging: @justanoutlawfic, @queenofglassbeliever, @emospritelet​, @thatravenclawbitch​, @zoe19blink​, @jackabelle73​, @rumplefloofywoobiestiltskin​, @nerdalmighty​, @timelordthirteen​

[sonicenvy]

you can do all the questions, but I am especially dying to know the anti-otp/notp for Once

hahaha this will be fun, i am now remembering that i have (and have had in the past) some strong and controversial opinions about this show lmaoooo. i did have fun watching (most of) the show. don’t get me started on ouat and male rape as a plot device -- we will be here all day if i start to talk about how salty i was, and honestly, weirdly, still am about that. without further ado

my favorite female character: Emma Freaking Swan, my bitch love her and her determination and her passion and her everything honestly. she had so many shitty life experiences 10/10 deserved a better childhood than the one she got.

my favorite male character: Killian Jones. my boy! he of the angst, eyeliner, secret soft heart and terrible adaption to modern technology. he also had such a tough life and a shitty childhood and 10/10 deserved better. i was (and still am, on the DL) a huge CS shipper. im still so happy they found each other and that they got married!

my favorite book/season/etc: oh wow this is tough, can i just say the 2 part episode where emma and hook end up back in time minus the maid marian returns subplot??? cause uhhh that’s it. also the neverland arc; that was super well plotted and the point in the show where i felt the most sympathy for rumple, who i later just couldn’t stand. he should have stayed dead after his redemption suicide death at the end of the neverland arc, send tweet idc if this is a controversial opinion lol

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) see above “cs the movie” the ball scene, hooks “prince” outfit. snow turning into a bug and charming recognizing her, emma and hook kissing for realsies, emma “im uhhh princess leia” swan, peak rumple sass, “i’m in the book now” guhhhhhhh regina and robin bein’ cute af together. the belle/rumple wedding scene with their vows paired with scenes of all the other canon pairings shit woooo boi i die. let’s pretend the marian “im actually zelena” shit never happened shhhhhhhhh!

my favorite cast member: Colin O’Donoghue, he just seems so upbeat and fun??? also big love to ginnifer goodwin and josh dallas who became like, actual real life snow/charming and are very obviously very in love.

my favorite ship: captain swan full stop. my babies! wholesome, full of soft romantic moments! both hot af! i still, on occasion go on some serious CS fic reading binges because the CS fan community is full of fun people and frankly AMAZING fic writers whom i love dearly. so many, good AUs which i am a huge sucker for ....

a character I’d die defending: Emma! *Puts on the “Emma Swan deserves happiness and love today and always” t-shirt and wears it always.*

a character I just can’t sympathize with: rumple, but only, like, in later seasons. he just ... keeps fucking stuff up and never learns it was ... aggravating. i felt like after they made him suddenly not dead the first time they couldn’t figure out what to do with him so they just .... used him as a bland chaos agent, which was honestly a disservice to his character which in seasons 1-3 had real development, good plots and was well crafted as a morally-grey edging on immoral dude!

a character I grew to love: ??? this is, like, weirdly hard for me?? i think i just, liked the characters i was gonna like from the get-go and ended up disliking some characters that i originally liked in the beginning. does it count if i say elsa and anna? i was not super about the fact that they decided to basically shoe-horned in frozen at all because i was kinda irritated over the whole huge frozen hype, so i was kinda expecting to be just mildly annoyed by the frozen characters being in once, but i ended up not really being because they were just ... kinda sweet?? especially anna.

my anti otp: lol definitely sw@nqueen. no one can change my mind. outside of the fact that i just don’t like this ship (though i can see why there were a bunch of people that saw it/shipped it) so many of the people in that ship were just ... awful to like, the actors and to the people in the captain swan camp and i was not here for it -- like i have to say that was definitely the big influencer in making me like, be super anti-sw@nqeen when i had just been pretty low-key not a fan of the ship. also, i just don’t think as a relationship in practice it would be a healthy or good one. plus ... uhhh i know @rockford-peach​ you really like regina, but post, like season 3 i kinda got tired of her, even though i really wanted to like her for a long time. i think it was largely because she got the shitty character non-development from the writers, which is honestly a damn shame because she started out so compelling??? i was, uhhh kinda mad about it at the time i think.

it’s been a long time since ive been really into once, but i had some very strong opinions that got me All Fired Up about that show for a long time that i have mostly zen-ed out about now. lbr i had a lot of fandom opinions that really Fired Me Up as a teenager that i have zen-ed out on since becoming one whole adult person. typing this out gave me war flashbacks lmaoooo. wowie this got looong.

also i love u and hope you are holding up ok in these trying and frankly shitty times. virtual hugs! this was a wild (but fun) time!

send me a fandom/show/book and ill give u my opinions n thoughts

[justlookatthosesausages]

prompt：in ouat,Ingrid cast The Spell of Shattered Sight on Anna and Anna went back to normal after she trapped Elsa in urn (I am not sure why). So what if it happened in canon,no evil snow queen(not sure who casted it on Anna),just Anna and Elsa,how this will end up? How can this spell be broken?

Anna blinked slowly as she returned to reality.

What just happened? What was she doing in the middle of the living room, next to the fireplace? Her hands tilted as something heavy was in her hands. Surprised, she looked down, and frowned at what she was holding without having any memory of it.

An urn? A funeral urn? With a shiver, she suddenly put it away from her with stretched arms, and slowly walked to the table where she dropped it like it was poisoned. What the hell was this urn? Who the hell was in that urn? Anna knew what they were for, and another shiver went down her spine. Why was she holding it? Her family was traditionally buried and not incinerated, so who was it? Anna was certain to not know anyone who had been kept in an urn as a memory.

Her head felt dizzy. She couldn’t remember what had happened since the morning. No, since the day before. Actually, the entire week felt blurred. Anna’s eyes widened as she realized more and more who bad the situation was.

“What the fuck is going on?” she murmured.

She covered her mouth at her curse, and heard Elsa’s voice in her head going ‘Language!’. At that memory, Anna realized that she was alone in the living-room.

“Where is Elsa?” Anna wondered out loud.

She may not remember anything, but a strong feeling reminded her that she was with Elsa when… Whatever happened did happen.

‘I’m right here.’

Anna turned around, relieved that Elsa had entered the room. She could ask her all the questions that were burning her brain.

But nobody was on the threshold, and Anna frowned.

‘I’m actually… Down there.’

The younger sister looked everywhere around her, confused. Why was she hearing Elsa’s voice coming from all directions? It felt like she was right in front of her and behind her at the same time.

‘In the urn, Anna.’

Anna looked down, and her eyes widened when she suddenly understood.

“You’re in the urn? You can hear me? Oh my gosh, Elsa, are you okay?”

‘I am. You don’t remember anything, do you?’

The redhead was so confused at the situation, but her priority was to get Elsa off the urn after she somehow got trapped in such a tiny thing. Was it magical? Anna reached for the lid that she popped open. Nothing happened, and the urn was absolutely empty, as if it was new.

“Elsa?” she called in, her voice echoing on the steel of the urn.

‘Yeah?’

“Oh, you can hear me? Because you’re not in here.”

‘Actually, I really am in it.’

There was a silence.

‘So you really don’t remember what happened.’

“This is not funny��, started to freak out Anna, and she put the lid back where it was. “You’re upsetting me right now. I can’t remember what happened of the whole week, what’s going on? Why are you in this? Is it a prank? It’s really not funny.”

‘Calm down’, went Elsa’s voice as Anna continued her rambling. ‘I’m not pranking you. This really happened, and it’s really happening.’

“But what happened?” wondered Anna. “Wait… Did… Am I the one who put you into this… Thing?”

‘Well… Yes. But it’s alright. It’s alright Anna. It’s fine. We’re gonna find a solution.’

Anna pouted with emotion. “Please tell me how and why I did that. I can’t remember.”

‘Later, please. I don’t want to explain it to you now.’

“Because it would hurt me, isn’t–”

‘Yes.’

“How come you answer me this quickly? I hadn’t even finished talking.”

‘I… Uhm, okay, don’t freak out, it’s weird to explain, but… I can hear your thoughts.’

Another silence passed.

“I can too”, realized Anna.

‘You do?’

“Yeah. It’s like…”

‘Like I’m in your head. Yeah, it feels like this to me too.’

“Do you… Do you feel it when I touch the urn?” Asked Anna, her hands trembling, as she finally accepted to step closer to the table again.

‘I don’t know. Are you touching it right now?’

“Yeah.”

‘Then no.’

Anna took her hands off nevertheless.

‘Actually’, continued Elsa’s voice, ‘I don’t feel… Anything. I mean, I feel nothing… Physical. It’s really weird. It’s like I’m talking with you through a dream.’

Anna scoffed. “Your voice currently sounds like a dream to me. I still can’t believe you’re actually talking with me… I mean, thinking with me… Through that urn.”

‘I am though.’

Anna reminded silent.

‘You don’t believe me, do you?’ said Elsa’s voice after a while, and Anna could practically hear the sarcasm of her sister in her voice, even if it wasn’t really a voice and there was no tone.

“Well, you’re a thought in my head right now, so I don’t know if…”

‘Just ask me anything. Check if it’s me with specific questions that I’m the only one to know the answer of.’

Anna hummed. “Just like that game with Kristoff and Olaf?”

‘Yes, just like that game we did last week.’

“Oh, if you know about that, it means that you’re the real Elsa, so…”

‘Ask me real questions, Anna’, insisted Elsa’s voice, and this time Anna could almost hear her sigh.

“Sorry, but there is more urgent. I’m not really enjoying this. Right now, I’m in the living room, amnesic, talking alone to a funerary object, and you’re gone. So I’m super worried and totally lost.”

There was a silence.

“Elsa? Are you… Are you still… Here?”

‘I am. I’m just thinking.’

“You can think and think to me separately?” wondered Anna.

‘Well, yeah. Somehow. Don’t ask how it’s possible, I’m gonna become crazy if I start to overanalyze the situation. And not feeling my body really doesn’t help on the comfort plan. So I need to remain calm.’

Anna nodded, then remembered that Elsa couldn’t see her. “Yeah, okay”, she said as a confirmation.

There was another silence, which was very awkward to Anna as she felt very lonely in the room.

‘Okay, I have an idea. Pick me up.’

The redhead scoffed.

‘Pick the urn, Anna’, said Elsa’s voice in a way that Anna pictured as annoyance.

She carefully did so, and held the urn close to her, to make sure it wouldn’t drop, even if she knew that hitting the floor wouldn’t hurt Elsa.

“And now?”

‘We’re going to the trolls.’

“What?” smiled Anna. “Is that really your plan?”

‘I’m currently trapped in a magic urn where I can’t see, I can’t feel my body, and I’m talking with you via telepathy, Anna, so yes, the trolls seem to be the only advisers we can consult.’

Anna nodded to confirm, and started walking down the corridor.

‘Is that alright to you?’ wondered Elsa’s voice.

“Oh, yeah, I’m currently going down the stairs. I keep forgetting that you can’t know my movements.”

‘Okay.’

There was a silence as Anna walked, and she stared at the open kitchen door as she passed in front of it.

‘No, we don’t have the time to pick up some chocolate for the trip, Anna.’ Said Elsa’s voice.

“Sorry, it’s just that this whole thing is stressing me out”, apologized the younger sister as she kept walking in the corridor, clenching the urn tighter.

After a while, her eyes suddenly went wide when she realized she hadn’t said anything out loud.

“HEY! Stop getting into my mind!!”

‘Sorry. I just can’t help it, and it felt like you were yelling CHOCOLATE at me.’

[lizacstuff]

Anons about Lana’s retweeting debacle

(under the cut)

Anonymous said:LOL at Lana. She probably enjoyed the fact that JMo was not mentioned in the list of actors that helped the show. 

I thought the same thing, anon.  At least the Lana fan who scribbled that clickbait didn’t put JMo on the “hurt” list, though my guess is that they wanted to.  Loyalty and all that to their “queen.”

Anonymous said:It’s her last hurrah, it’s still july remember, her last month of wallowing over her cancelled show

True! Can we really blame her while she’s in her self-inflicted period of mourning? 

I mean anyone in that condition can be excused for clinging to any scrap of positive validation they get, right?  Lana can’t be expected to think of others or have any modicum or social graces while she feels sad and shocked the show ended!

Anonymous said:It’s funny because those people who “hurt” the show has career after ouat 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anonymous said:Damn must suck to know that no one wants you, and that the ppl they bashed on that article the lovely lana tweeted all had jobs after their preformance of Once Upon a Time. She must not relate.

At this point she certainly can’t relate to people who are wanted by casting directors, that’s for sure!

Dania is having the last laugh on that one, since she already has a new show and *cough* Lana does not. 

Anonymous said:dang I quickly read through the article and... yikes. Typos everywhere, called Joffrey from Game of Thrones "Geoffrey", even trashed actors who's performances they liked. Just all around a disaster

It’s not a real article, My guess is the “reporter” didn’t get paid.  Just click bait fan garbage, the only place Lana ever gets praised. 

Anonymous said:Can i just say that some of those people trashed are WOC? I bet she just saw her name at #1 and just rt’d it without even reading it

Alert, alert everyone!  Who thinks this anon is a Lana fan, trying to excuse her actions? “rt’d it without even reading it.”  Perhaps, I put nothing past her, but she couldn't have seen her entry  without scrolling the whole article since hers was at the bottom.  

However, she doesn’t get a pass on the grounds of “not having read it.”  First, would you retweet an article you hadn’t read?  (If you would you should really think about being a more critical consumer of media and I’d advise that you care more about what you endorse). Secondly, she’s done this several times before. Retweet fan articles that praise her and trash her costars and/or writers and bosses. It’s a freaking pattern and if the past experiences didn’t teach her to read carefully before retweeting because her vanity is just so strong... then she deserves every ounce of criticism she gets.  

Also it’s cute that you think she’s so “woke” and enlightened that she wouldn’t retweet something that trashes WOC.  You’re giving her way too much credit for awareness or giving a damn about anyone who is not herself.  Or giving a damn about social justice (which is a hallmark of her fandom, over there they view her as some sort of amazing advocate and ally of whatever they themselves deem important, It’s odd.) 

(I’m gonna ignore your implication that somehow former costars of hers who are not WOC deserve to have her gleefully retweet “articles” trashing them.)  

Anonymous said:I love timing. Lana is retweeting fan articles that trash her friends and praise her yet still can't manage to spell her name correctly but make the bold statement that hiring her was the best decision in ABC history (yet I haven't seen them trying to hold onto her). And the twitter accounts for TV guide and Outlander and Leanne are still bemoaning the tagging mistake from yesterday and asking what they have to do to get Colin on the show. Sounds like the cast, show, and media all want him.

Yes, Colin is better than Lana in every way.

And if Lana was the best decision they ever made it’s puzzling why she couldn’t carry the show once the real leading ladies (JMo and Ginny) left. 

Anonymous said:Well, I hope no one from the cast sees that article, especially not Merrin 💅🏻 

We disagree, anon. I think it would be hilarious if any of those actors knew that  she had gleefully endorsed some random fan’s ill-spirited criticism of their performances. 

Anonymous said:New fandom drama, courtesy of LP. She RTed and quoted thanking an article that throwed many actors of the show under the bus, saying their "cast hurt OUAT", but praises her saying that she was the best choice ABC made and the one thing that keept the show going... I just checked again, she just deleted it after having people telling her that was rude (of course not her fans, never her fans; fans of those actor mentioned in the article)

I still see it. 

Also, as far as the “article” does ANYONE in fandom remember this happening? Quote from clickbait:

“Turning Bo Peep into a gangster was a peculiar choice to say the least, but what was the final straw was Weigert’s pointblank silly portrayal. Stark fans of the show point to her casting as a blemish on one of their favorite programs.”

I honestly don’t remember overwhelming (or any?) criticism about the casting of Bo Peep, or ANYONE thinking that it was a peculiar choice to turn Bo Peep into a warlord.  If I recall, most people thought it was hilarious. Who are these “stark fans” who think her one appearance was a blemish on the show?  

[circesherbs]

ouat updates bc i am so into this stupid show that i get too caught up to liveblog it

- cora and rumple in love still freaks me out

- rumple and belle are a neutral topic for me but i really do love rumple so this whole lacey business really hurts me, i forgot about it completely

- neal and emma <3

- fucking cora slapping the phone tap onto the ground like a cat was so funny

- neal and tamara :-(

- henry getting a father <3

- cora dying was so sad but it was a fitting end, can’t imagine what it would’ve been like with her as the dark one that’s so sick

- neal and emma confessing their love as he falls into the portal </3 my beloved neal i’m so sorry

- swanfire forever

- wendy darling is adorable and the entire daring family was casted perfectly

- ALMOST AT THE NEVERLAND ARC! I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED

- FELIX !!!!!

[killian-whump]

So may I ask you something? Why is season 7 failing in your opinion? It's so panned all across the scopage. It's a shame really cause I don't think it's THAT bad, but so many people hate it. I've never seen the fandom for a show change so drastically in such a short period of time. I've also noticed Colin has completely stopped promoting the show aside from his RT's here and there. He's been MIA from set, I talked to 2 people and they said last time he filmed was Bobby 4 days ago. Cont...

I wonder if they’re prepping to write out Colin, Bobby, and Lana if there’s a S8. And honestly it’s not looking good for a S8. I’ve been keeping track of all the ratings and stuff and yeah the 120% +7 is great but when nobody watches it live to begin with it’s not a good thing and even then, it’s still the lowest rated show on the network, with +7’s. The cons are closing for OUAT which is another sign. Lana looks like she’s beefing up her resume. It’s all just coming together, I don’t know why.

Here’s the thing, Nonny. Season 7 isn’t the problem. The problem is that the show’s been getting lower ratings every season, like all shows do… and by the end of Season 6, the ratings were so low that they basically either had to give up the ghost or try a Hail Mary play to reinvigorate things. And that’s what S7 is - their Hail Mary play to bring in new viewers.

But the whole idea of a Hail Mary play is that things are looking so bleak you need a freaking miracle to turn things around. And… if the Hail Mary play doesn’t work (and in real life, they rarely do), it’s basically all over. So that’s where we’re at. There’s really nothing wrong with S7. It didn’t really FAIL. The show’s just reaching it’s inevitable end and S7 failed to miraculously turn things around.

Now, I know some segments of the fandom would like to believe that S7 is some kind of monumental catastrophic failure, but the reality is that it’s really not. EVERY television show has or will have a final season with “series low” ratings… otherwise it wouldn’t be the last season. It’s just how TV shows work. And if they hadn’t taken the chance on this Hail Mary reboot, S6 might’ve very well been the last season of the show due to its low ratings. So for those who’d like to lay blame on certain departures or the lack of certain ships for the ratings in S7… they’d better have a good explanation for why the show was already hemorrhaging viewers to the point that a Hail Mary play like S7 needed to be made in the first place.

As for the fandom turning around… Well, that IS due to S7. See, ratings have very little to do with the die hard fans. They’re determined by the General Audience and Nielsen Families, not fans like us. But the fandom… Well, that’s just us nutjobs. And obviously, with some beloved characters gone, others changed, all kinds of new cast members, some of us watching S7 and supporting it and some of us actively campaigning against it… Well, the fandom’s broken apart and everything’s changed.

I find some of the changes to be nice, though. It’s great to see Colin fans and Lana fans enjoying S7 together in ways we haven’t previously done, and Hooked Queen fans are having a fun little resurgence. As a Colin AND Lana fan (and an HQ shipper), I find all of that especially pleasant :)

As for the future… I seriously doubt there will be an S8, and if there IS one by some miracle, I’m pretty sure Colin won’t be a part of it. It’s just not a good career move to stay on a sinking ship, and I think he’s ready to jump. Bobby’s already primed for departure. He’s said this is his last season all along and Rumple’s whole storyline this season is heading to his death. So he’s gone. I don’t know what Lana would do if there’s an S8, but I really just don’t think it’s going to be an issue.

As for Colin’s activity… He’s really not posting a lot at all at the moment. It could be he’s busy, maybe looking for new projects, maybe just busy with his family. It could be he’s a bit bummed out about the end of the show (I mean, he’s losing a steady well-paying gig and he’s got a family to support). It could be he’s doing stuff he can’t tell us about yet (he hinted about something at one of the conventions like that). He could be mad about the crap some toxic fans are giving his co-workers. Who knows?

And as for him filming… Well, we only ever know about the location shots. Studio shooting has always been a big unknown, so you can’t go by what fans see of him. That’s only a small part of their shooting schedule. I’m sure he’ll be a part of the show up ‘til the end of the season :) Wish Hook deserves a happy ending, just like everybody else :D

Oh, and there’s still conventions planned through 2018, so… I don’t know what you mean about cons closing. I know one of the companies had to close down because they lost a lot of money from actor cancellations… but that has nothing to do with the show itself. They’d still have cons 10 years from now if they were profitable for the company. It’s all about money, not the show.

Anyway, yeah, if you’re a Colin fan, keep your head up and keep supporting our dude no matter what and join us in hoping for great things to come. And if you’re not a Colin fan, then there’s something wrong with you ;)

[penguin-in-a-box]

Thoughts on OUAT 7x05

UMMM, WOW.

-This episode was really something. It’s not my favorite, but it answered and raised sooo many questions. I feel like a bit of my minor disappointment stems from the promo/lack of sneak peaks. I was expecting more of the Regina/Henry stuff but it turns out they just showed us the last scene of the episode. Well, not quite last.

-IDK How to talk about this one honestly last time I did chronologically but I am in so much shock.

-Okay so development from last time, I’m team Alice is Hook’s daughter’s girlfriend. Especially since, based on Hook’s description of their chess pieces, we know that Alice is playing with the color Hook would normally use and Hook is playing the role of his daughter. So I’m theorizing that Alice and Hook will have a sort of father-daughter relationship but she is not his daughter.

-One thing that sorta has been bothering me about this season is that we’re abandoning characters for whole episodes. Which sorta makes it choppy and a little more frustrating to watch. Season one had this sort of linear structure and everything built on each other. There were character-centric episodes but it still all meshed together to create one story. Here we have the “Hook and Emma Episode,” the “Bell and Rumple Episode.” the “Tiana Episode,” and they all weave together a bit but not enough to be completely satisfying. One and three are currently the only episodes that are really successful at this. I’m thinking the next episode should be more back to that so I’m excited.

-Oddly enough the thing that got me about the Henry/Ivy thing is that it was just talked about and not shown. Roni shuts it down before it really amounts to much. They tell us to be worried about Ivy and Henry but they didn’t show us why. Also the scene at the end, while awesome and possibly meaning Drizella could have cast the curse (!!!!!), sorta tarnished the scenes in the previous episode. Did Henry really touch her or is this just all part of the act?

- I WAS QUEERBATED BY FROGS Y’ALL. There were several times when Marius (and I’m cosssseettttT) was talking about the frog that I didn’t think it was a girl. And then he was all like “so about my lady friend” and I hit my pillow like “IT’S GAY OH MY GOD ITS GAY” and then he turned into a frog and I feel cheated lol.

-There wasn’t enough Henry in this episode. I really expected him to show up at any point freaking out about JACINDA BEING INVOLVED IN A FIRE. Like Don’t you think that would make him nervous/go to check and make sure she’s okay/FINALLY ASK HER OUT BECAUSE YOU COULD HAVE LOST HER THE SAME WAY?? But no. Did they even interact in this episode?

-I want to eat Sabine’s pastries. 

-I have no idea what’s going on with the whole Eloise Gardner thing and the chick in the tower but I do think since her last name is Gardner she is Rapunzel. I mean she’s named after cabbage. 

-How can the king raise taxes on Tiana’s kingdom. I just didn’t understand that.

-I think that’s all I have to say? There are just too many plot threads and whoever wrote today’s episode just couldn’t handle it. I’m excited for next week tho.

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 3x17 The Jolly Roger

Okay, spoilers for ‘OUAT Out of the Past’. Did y’all know Daniel had an older brother called William? Who looked like him enough for Regina to mistake the two? Regina told who she thought was Daniel that anything he may have heard about her evil deeds was a lie, suggesting that she knew he would disapprove of her seeking revenge in such a way. Also, she freaking killed Daniel’s brother!! Like, any chances of them getting back together in the afterlife just decreased significantly! And did you know that for Regina, at least, a dislocated shoulder incapacitates magic, suggesting that arm gestures are required to cast spells? I wonder why she couldn’t just heal herself, but I guess her injury made it impossible. Also, there’s basically a time turner! Jefferson’s story warmed my heart and then tore it to freaking shreds!! It was really great! My heart breaks even more for him. But back to the rewatch!

Also, some time ago, I remember writing that they never explained why Regina needed the poisoned apple when she already had a sleeping curse from Maleficent. I was re-watching 5x01 and 5x02 with my mum and Regina states that the Blind Witch stole her apple, so I’m guessing Regina imbued it with the sleeping curse before it was stolen.

Again with the riding horses with flame torches. So dangerous!

Those must be Midas’ men, going by their golden armour. But I’m not sure if that’s his coat of arms. It’s not King George’s.

Ouch!  

Oh my god. That crib looks so hard to put together. I made my first Lego thing (it was a bus) and let me tell you! It took forever because the pieces weren’t labelled. It was fun though! At least these pieces are labelled but it looks like there aren’t step by step diagrams which honestly would make it nearly impossible!

Regina might have put a protection spell over MM’s apartment but what about when she needs to go to the hospital?!

Damn, Emma really just left David to build that monstrous thing on his own.

I like Emma’s outfit. I’m a big fan of plaid. I have quite the collection of plaid shirts.

Okay, so Hook just said he saw Cora try to steal Emma’s heart but wasn’t he knocked out at that point? Unless he was pretending, or he was just coming to when he saw it.

Emma, no! You can’t leave Storybrooke! I won’t let you!

Zelena sure fooled me with that Ariel act when I first watched it. How does she know so much about her personality and how does she know Ariel knows them? Oh! Unless she was watching Regina with that whole Ariel turning Snow into a mermaid ordeal. It makes me wonder if Zelena was watching Snow as well over the years.

How does she know about Pan? If she didn’t know that Cora and Rumple were dead, she couldn’t have been watching Storybrooke, at least not at that time. Maybe she was watching Regina in Neverland or she overheard Storybrooke residents speaking of him when she was pretending to be a midwife.

I can’t believe Zelena went through all this just to curse Hook’s lips. My bby is so extra! I love her! Also, it seems Zelena was watching more people than just Regina during the missing year, considering she knows so much about Hook and Ariel’s encounter? But how could she have watched them without physically being there? The thing she uses to spy on Regina is in Oz. Unless her monkeys told her, of course.

Does Emma really know that little about Spanish that she thinks those symbols are part of the language?! Holy bananas!

And Zelena knows about Belle and Ariel’s encounter! Okay she must have been watching Storybrooke for quite some time, probably since a while after Cora’s death.

Aww Belle really likes Ariel. She’s so happy to see her! Get Belle some friends that don’t leave! That’s a ship I can get behind!

REGINA!!

You darn could’ve killed Emma!!

Awesome! That is a cool yet terrifying scene!

Zelena freaking pours herself into these roles. Former member of Oz’s esteemed performing arts club right there!

The fact that ‘Ariel’ knew that Belle was trying to bring Gold out of the Witches control should have rang alarm bells. Like, girl supposedly just got there!

Cool sword fight!

Pirate culture is so intriguing.

Look at Hook fly!! Weeeeeee!

I love how they showed their shadows fighting. It looks so cool!

David, no! You cannot teach a kid how to freaking drive!

Bloody hell!!

Zelena be having tears in her eyes for Eric and everything!

Ariel slaps Hook so many times lol! Even Zelena picked up on that detail.

Oh yeah! I forgot Zelena said her spies are always circling through every realm. If her spies are her flying monkeys, then can they cross realms without a portal? I would assume so.

Zelena: “As I said earlier, I’ve known about your dirty little secret for quite some time.” Looool!

That is a powerful spell, to be able to take someone’s magic with a kiss. Could she not have cursed his hand though? Or anyone’s hand. It’d be much more likely that someone would touch Emma than it would be for Hook to kiss her. But maybe that’s just how the spell works.

Zelena: “Kiss Emma, or everyone she loves dies!” Zelena ships Captain Swan freakin hard! Like, she will kill for this ship!

Oh. I didn’t know Regina couldn’t use catoptromancy to see between worlds. I suppose that makes sense as otherwise she could have used it in season 2 to check on MM and Emma in the EF. It’s interesting though that Emma can use it to see between realms. This suggests that Emma possesses more raw power than Regina. Perhaps that’s the case for those who naturally have magic. I’ve always wondered if Emma was more powerful than Regina. I would guess that she is.  

But did David ever put the crib together?

Aww. All eating as a family at Granny’s. It’s a shame Henry doesn’t remember they’re his family

[seesgood]

bandithearted for the positivity meme?

&. THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY 2017 EXCEPTIONAL ( a.k.a. urls for positivity. ) 

this is literally turning into like a call out post at myself forcing me to talk about all the blogs i stalk and flail over when they’re on my dash. okay so, legit i sort’ve adore ouat. like i think it’s a genius idea for a show, the cast is perfect, and fREAKING GINNY GOODWIN OWNS MY WHOLE HEART so literally, when i found this blog i flailed so hard bc snow is a literal badass and i feel like it’s hard to write a balance between kickass and the kind of soft / sings to birds sort’ve vibe that snow white has, even in the show BUT LEMME TELL YOU GUYS, this babe does it perfectly. like literally it seems effortless. and it’s a sight to behold and it is ONE OF MY FAVORITEST THINGS about their blog. but there are many. very many. SO MANY that if i listed them all we would be here until 2019 and tbh that’s a whole different issue entirely, let’s not talk about that. but okay like they always seem really nice and super positive when i see them on the dash, they give off that ‘snow white’ vibe of just being welcoming and positive and willing to be there for you, but at the same time they’re producing all of these amazingly perfect replies and writings and it’s just...all around quality. --- @bandithearted

[coldflashwave-baby]

Coldflashwave, “The saddest thing is that when I told him I loved him, he thought I was lying. He never believed someone could fall in love with him.” Please?

Okay, so this is based off of a OUAT AU I’ve discussed with @agentmarymargaretskitz and @pansexual-fandom-queen, so I hope you like it 

(Barry is Regina, Len is Emma, Mick is Hook, and this is a Heroes and Villains AU)

I told him I loved him once

           Len wasstill reeling from what happened on the dock, what he’d just watched Iris andEddie—his own parents—do to Mick. Heremembered the way Mick had bravely stepped between him and Eddie, urging Lento take Lisa and run.

           “Go.” Hetold him. “Save your girl and your true love. Kiss him and change things back.”

           He rememberedthe vicious way Eddie had stabbed him. He remembered watching his and Barry’spirate fall.

           He wasgrateful that Barry wouldn’t have to live with the memory of it. After all,Barry was known to hold grudges, and he’d watched enough loved ones die not tohave Mick added to the mix.

           It was aburden Len could bear on his own.

           “Dad!” Heheard Lisa shout. She’d run ahead while Len was lost in thought, all the way tothe secret cave that Barry was hiding out in.

           Prince Bartholomew—thetrue prince of the Enchanted Forest, now a bandit on the run from his evilfoster sister, Queen Iris, who murdered his parents when he was young. Damn, itwas quite the switch up, even if Barry hadn’t actually killed King Joseph in their reality.

           Still.

           All heneeded to do was get a true love’s kiss from Barry, and everything would goback to normal. The snowflake tattoo on his forearm itched like crazy as hefollowed Lisa to the cave.

           “…I needto hit the road before Iris finds me and rips out my heart for her collection.”He heard Barry saying. His heart leapt. It felt like it’d been forever since heheard Barry’s voice. Imagining it, imagining him and Mick, picturing hisdaughter’s face, was the only thing keeping him sane the whole time he waslocked in his tower, however long that’d been.

           Hepractically ran inside.

“There’s someone I want you tomeet.” Lisa finished, glancing over her shoulder at him with a smile. Barry…Barrywas as beautiful as he remembered. He was dirty, dressed in bandit clothessimilar to what he’d seen Iris wearing in Lisa’s fairy tale book, but the facthe could reach out and touch him…

He forced himself to resist theurge. He’d given into it when he saw Mick, and it’d just freaked the pirateout.

When Barry’s eyes fell on him,there was no recognition, just like with Mick. “Let me guess—you’re the father?Or are you the pirate I’m also in love with?”

Len’s heart was lodged in histhroat. “I’m Lisa’s other dad. Her birth father.”

Barry nodded, tossing a shirt intothe bag he was packing. “Well, she’s a sweetheart, but a handful. You shouldkeep a better eye on her. Not everyone is as nice as I am around here.”

“I know.” Len found himself responding.“I know that you’re a lot nicer than you like people to think. You used to havea heart of gold before the world took it and twisted it.”

Barry rolled his eyes and threw hisbag over his shoulder. “Not you, too. You believe this whole ‘the world isn’tright’ thing, too?”

Len hadn’t even noticed that Lisastep out of the cave, but he was suddenly aware that he and Barry were alone. “Yes,I do. Because it’s the truth. My name is Leonard Snart. I am Iris and Eddie’schild—a child of true love. They sent me to a world without magic on the day Iwas born to protect me from a curse—your curse.A curse I was destined to break.

“On my thirty-fifth birthday, thedaughter I never knew I had showed up on my front door with a birth certificatewith my real name, but a fake mother’s name on it, and a storybook. I took herhome to you, her adopted father, and I stayed around. You hated me for it, andeven tried to curse me with a sleeping death, but Lisa ate the curse instead ofme. She made me believe in magic, and one kiss from me broke your spell.”

A scoff interrupted his story. “Alright,say that’s true. That means we hate each other. Meaning that the whole ‘love ofmy life’ thing doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m getting to that.” Len drawled.“The Dark One, a man named Eobard, sent a wraith after you for hiding his truelove from him. You used magic to banish it, but I was sucked into the portal,too. I ended up here, a place I had no knowledge of, with Iris, who jumped inafter me. That’s where I met Mick.”

“The pirate?”

Len nodded. “The pirate. He wasworking with your mother, who is an evil sorceress in our reality. But, Mickhad no real loyalty to her, and continuously made moves on me the entire time Iwas there. We got back home, eventually, and your mother followed. A lot ofshit went down, you fell into a dark place because of her, but I realized thatthere was something bright in you. Something that the likes of Nora Allen andEobard hadn’t dimmed yet. I’m not the best role model for goodness, but I canrecognize it. It all went to hell when Lisa was kidnapped and taken to anotherland.”

Barry’s eyes widened. Len could’vesworn there was some familiarity behind them. Maybe just hearing their storywould be enough. “Mick volunteered to take me, you, Iris, Eddie, and Eobard tothe other land to rescue her.”

“Wait.” Barry held up a hand. “Ithought that, in this fantasy, Eobard was evil.”

“He is.” Len confirmed. “He’s amanipulative son of a bitch out only for himself, but occasionally, ourinterests align. Like, when he found out that Lisa is actually hisgranddaughter and the man that took her is his father spelled to look younger.”

Barry’s brow was furrowing in a waythat told Len it was a lot to take in.

“It was confusing to live through,too. Trust me. While we were there, though, you kept acting strange around me,kept glaring at Mick whenever he got too close to me, and I thought you weregoing to set him on fire when you found out he kissed me. Then, a fairy told meabout this.”

He pulled up the sleeve of his leftarm, showing off his tattoo. Barry stumbled back, eyes wide and panicked. “No…noway. There’s no way you’re my…”

Len dropped his sleeve and nodded. “Yeah,I had the same reaction when she told me that I was your true love. Especially becauseof my budding feelings for Mick. But, for some reason, it felt right. We didn’tdo anything about it, until after we saved Lisa and returned home. Zolomon—the manthat took her—cast your curse again, and it was going to take everything exceptfor Lisa back here. So, you kissed me, and cast a spell so that I could saveher and live happily, like I’d raised her my whole life. And I did, for a year.Until, Mick showed up at my door.

“He gave me something to break the memoryspell you gave Lisa and me, and told me that you sent him because something terriblehad happened. Turns out, you and Iris had a long lost brother, born from anaffair between King Joseph and your mother, and he felt slighted that you twohad everything he wanted. None of you remembered anything from your time in theother world until our kiss broke the curse over your memories.

“Apparently,” he chuckled, “you andMick spent a lot of time together in your time in the Enchanted Forest. You twofell in love, thinking that neither of you would see me again. Then, whenWallace—your brother—showed up, you gave him a spell to block him memories ofit so that Wallace wouldn’t come after him, and told him to find me. We alldefeated your brother, who is locked up and dealing with his trauma, and we allthink can become a helpful member to society—your mother really fucked everyoneup, Scarlet—and we’ve all been happy together since. Sure, we’ve had some iceproblems, and now we’re facing off against evil witches and twisted authors,but you, and Mick, and me…we were happy. We were in love.”

           The cavefell silent for a moment, Barry taking in all that Len had just told him. A broken,humorless laugh echoed off the walls. “I can’t believe…” Barry shook his head. “Ican’t believe I just wasted my time listening to someone who calls himself ‘TheSavior’. Savior of what? You can’t save me.”

           He moved topush past him, but Len grabbed his arm. “I can’t save you, Scarlet. You’reright.” He admitted. “You have to save yourself. Do you know how hard it wasfor me to let you in, to let Mick in,after being abandoned my whole life? You’ve got to be open to love. Because Ilove you. And…”

           His wordscaught in his throat, the emotions of losing Mick hitting him full force. “Iloved Mick. I loved Mick, and I just watched him die to get me here, so that wecould break this curse.”

           Barrystiffened, like the weight of the words hit him as well. Like, somewhereinside, he remembered waking up in Mick’s arms, using magic to mess with him,the three of them making out in the mayor’s office (even though it wasn’t Barry’sanymore).

           “I watchedMick get murdered by my parents.” Len choked out. “I’d only ever admitted toloving him once, and the saddest thing is that, when I told him, he thought Iwas lying. He never believed someone could fall in love with him. He alwaysthought he’d be second best to our true love, even though he just made it allso much truer.”

           A teardripped from Barry’s eye. “I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t know.” Another teardripped, then another, and suddenly, Barry was falling into sobs, Len lungingforward to grab him the only thing keeping him up. “I don’t…I don’t know why it’shitting me so hard. I didn’t even know this Mick.”

           “Because,”Len said, “you loved him. You loved him, and you love me. Your heart isbreaking, because you just lost one of the loves of your life. But we’re goingto fix it.”

           He leanedin to press their lips together, but a force wrapped around his torso. “Wha—?”He was barely able to get out, before his entire body was yanked clear out ofthe cave.

           “Len!” Heheard Barry shout, but his eyes were fixed on the figure looming over him. Eobard.

           “Hello.” He smirked. “Sorry tointerrupt.”

           “Grandpa,wait!” Len’s eyes darted to Lisa, who was picking herself up off the ground afew yards to his left. “You’re supposed to be a hero in this reality! Heroesdon’t just kill innocent people!”

           Len knewthat wouldn’t stop Eobard. He knew that, no matter what reality they were in,Eobard was a coward, who would hide behind his reasoning and smarts, killinganyone who stood in the way of what he wanted.And what he wanted now was to make sure reality stayed the way it was.

           “Go ahead.”Len sneered. “Show your granddaughter the real monster you are.”

           Eobardfrowned—of course, he didn’t remember that Lisa was his granddaughter in thereality change—but drew his sword. “Any last words, rogue?”

           Suddenly, arock came out of nowhere and struck Eobard in the head. Everyone’s attentionturned to the mouth of the cave, where Barry was standing, another rock readyto throw. “Get away from him, or I’ll make you.”

           Eobardsighed, turning his weapon to Barry. “If you insist on dying first…”

           But beforeEobard could make a move, Lisa jumped between them. “Please don’t hurt them.”She begged. “Be the hero you’re supposed to be. I believe in you.”  

           Lisa hadthe heart of a true believer, but that meant nothing to a scum sucker likeEobard. He raised his sword to cut her down. Len scrambled to his feet to stophim, but wasn’t fast enough.

           The swordstruck. Lisa tumbled to the ground. Blood gleamed on Eobard’s sword.

           “It’s done.”The Dark One concluded, flashing away. Len stared in horror.

           “Barry!” Herushed to Barry’s side, his shirt already darkening with blood. Lisa pushed herselfup from where Barry’d pushed her down and screamed.

           “Dad!” Shecrawled to his side. She was crying, sorrowfully and painfully, and Len threwhis arm around her.

           Barry grabbedher hand. “It’ll be fine, little princess.” He whispered. “Your dad will takecare of you.”

           Len’s heartstopped. Barry always called Lisa his little princess, at least as long as he’dknown them. “You remember?”

           Barrynodded. “I remember you, Lenny. And I remember Mick. And the real Iris andEddie, and Oliver, Cisco, Caitlin, Felicity…I remember everything.”

           “I can’twatch you die, too, Barry.” Len gasped. “I can’t bear it.”

           “Len…youdon’t have to.” He replied. “You can change things…change the world….”

           His eyesstarted to drift shut, and Len leaned down to press their lips together. For thethird time, he felt a power stronger than anything rush through him, andeverything faded away.

0000000

           Len jerkedawake. He was sitting in his car outside of the diner. He remembered…heremembered…

           He jumpedout and ran inside. Barry was sitting in their regular booth across from Mick.Both were eating cheeseburgers and milkshakes, debating about magic versussword fighting. He ran to them, knowing that they wouldn’t remember the otherreality (he only remembered because he was the Savior), but needing to hold andkiss his boyfriends.

           Mickspotted him first, his face lighting up. “See, here’s a neutral party who hasdealt with both. Lenny, what do you think—?” but Len crashed their lips togetherbefore Mick could finish, practically attacking him with the kiss.

           Mick wasdazed and loopy when Len pulled back, but the Savior just turned and gave Barrythe same treatment. “What’s gotten into you?” Barry panted once he pulled away.

           Len sighed,settling beside Mick so that Lisa could sit by Barry when she got back fromschool. “I’m just…I love you both, so much.”

           (And then,Len becomes the Dark One and everything goes to shit, but that’s another story)

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Eragon”

Because I can.  :b

*scats along with the 20th Century Fox theme*

I love this opening POV shot of the Dragon Rider

Whoever thought of casting Jeremy Irons as Brom needs a gold star because I love it.

I SUFFER WITHOUT MY STONE.  DO NOT.  PROLONG MY SUFFERING.

God Robert Carlyle, you were utterly wasted in this movie.

*dramatic whisper as the title pops up*  Eragon...

Wow, those guards’ armor is terrible.  Whoever made the chain mail easy to penetrate with an arrow really needs to be fired.

Again with Bambi’s mom?!?

Peter Buchman (the screenwriter)... bad dog, no biscuit

DRAMATIC FADE TO BLACK

There’s Sloan... where’s his daughter Katrina?

So I found out why that actor sounds familiar... he plays Captain Tarpals in “The Phantom Menace”...

*Eragon and Roran play fight in the barn*  So turns out me and my sister used to reenact this scene when we were younger.  Because we’re nerds.

Man, it’s a shame that there are actually good actors in this movie and they’re kinda brought down due to this script.

Like what happened to Ed Speleers (Eragon) and Christopher Egan (Roran)?  Or Garret Hedlund (Murtagh)?

Oh snap, Murtagh was in Tron Legacy!

[Eragon watches the sunset after Roran leaves] *starts humming the Binary Sunset theme*

“What are you [Saphira]?  You’re not a bird...” Hmm, I dunno, a dragon comes to mind, but... nah, that can’t be it...

How does Arya sense that Saphira’s hatched?

Eragon, that’s not how you feed a baby anything.  You don’t just hold a milk bag over it and go “Now eat it.”

“The dragon has hatched... but to a mere farm boy.”  How do you know that?

Every time Galbatorix talks, I keep hearing “Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich”

*Durza creates the Ra’zac*  Ummm no, that’s not how that works.

*Saphira ages up mid flight*  Ummm no, that’s not how that works.

*Saphira basically names herself*  Nooo....

“The time of the Dragon Riders has come again.”  No, she doesn’t know that...

God, Eragon has become the Iron Fist of this movie:  you don’t just sneak into somebody’s house!

So let’s keep pressuring your dad to tell you, Eragon, that’s the way to go.

OK, for one, the Ra’zac don’t look like that.  Two, beetles?  Really?

“It’s you they want!”  How do you [Saphira] know?

“Stupid boy!”  Basically a summary of the Inheritance cycle.

So basically Eragon is like a much whinier, younger, annoying ANH Luke Skywalker throughout this movie and most of the book series.

And now it’s raining.

I forgot how pretty most of the scenery is in this movie.

I looooovvvee Brom’s black horse

“Why here?” “Because I said here.”  Bring his ass down, Brom.

“Seventeen!”  Wasn’t Eragon 15 in the book?

OK, but here’s the thing:  we’re not even supposed to see Galbatorix until the last book.

Saphira literally shouldn’t be able to know half of the exposition in this movie.  She has about as much information as Eragon at this point.

There’s literally so much tension in a scene where Durza stabs someone’s toe with a blade.  Calm thyselves.

More shots of them riding horses!

“Oh no, the Urgals are slaughtering a village, killing women and children!  Let’s go sword training!”

*sing songs* Priorities...

Whoa, wait, those were the Urgals?  Ugh.  They’re supposed to be these Minotaur looking MOFOs

OK, shut up movie, this is definitely not night time.  Saphira should not be out then.

Brom:  *does something*

Eragon:  WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?!!?!?!?

Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize that there are so many filters used in this movie.  I like the color schemes used but there is no way there is grass that green.

Brom:  Don’t talk to anyone.

Eragon:  OK (goes off and meets up with Angela)

Oh my God, they ruined Angela.  So much. 

Like seriously, where’s Solembum?

Angela in this movie has some seriously bad cataracts or something.

BLUE FIRE!!!!

*Urgals fly into the water*  I FLEW IN FOR NO REASONNNNN!!!

ME TOOOOOO!!!

CANNONBAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!

Eragon:  Holy snot I used MaGicCCC?!?!?!?

Eragon seems to me like Taran from the Prydain Chronicles.  Actually a lot of the plot of this book series seemed kinda recycled from most epic fairy tales and other published stories.

This is kind of a loose explanation of the Ancient Language.

Where has been Brom stashing the dragon saddle this whole time?

HANG ON WITH BOTH HANDS, YOU MORON!

Brom, there is no way Eragon can hear you from down there.

“It’s easy; I can do this.”  Pfffttt.  Nope.

That Insagram filter though!

*Saphira crashes into a tree*  WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!  WATCH OUT FOR THAT.... TREEEEEEE!!!

BUM BUM BUM BUM BA BUM!

Is Brom putting mustard on Saphira’s wing?

“Better to ask forgiveness than permission.”  Oh shut up, Eragon.

“Dragon Rider...”  How did you [Eragon] know?

OK, probably one of the best things in this movie is Zar’roc, the freaking sword, because its design is pretty sweet.

That was kind of an abrupt scene transition.

Durza’s outfit looks like it’s covered in sequins.

He stabbed the Urgal... in the temple... with his fingernail...

Oh now that was a cool transition!

“Gilead’s the opposite direction!”  Well if they were actually going to Dras-Leona like they do in the books, that would be correct.  And they were also hunting down the Ra’zac instead of just camping out for funsies.

Era-gun?

“I’m the rider and I say we go.”  Bitch!

Who are these hooded assholes?

The main architect at Gilead, when building this, probably went “Hmm, y’know, m’Lord, this place seems too kind of evil for nice soft candles.  Let’s go with flaming grills and torches everywhere!” and Galbatorix replied with “Malkovich!  Brilliant!  And make everything look rectangular!”  And here we are.

Now how does Eragon keep continuing to use the Ancient Language even though we know that he knows that it wears him out every time he uses it?

Robert Carlyle was utterly WASTED!  Like this upsets me.

WHY DO YOU KEEP USING BRISINGR!

DURZA... BOY... YOU DON’T USE BRISINGR TO LEVITATE A SWORD!

They use Orc noises for Saphira

They tell you in the movie that Saphira doesn’t like Zar’roc because it’s “a dragon killer” but when Eragon pulls out the sword, Saphira immediately comes to it.

BOY[Eragon]!  STOP SMILING!  YOUR DAD IS DYING!

Now when did Eragon take the time to learn some more of the Ancient Language?

OK, so Brom can understand Eragon and Saphira when they talk to each other, so yeah, his last scene in this movie is sad.

*Saphira sits up to mourn Brom*  That’s awesome.

[Arya shows Eragon how to reach the Varden]  *sings* DON’T GO CHASING WATERFALLS/ PLEASE STICK TO THE RIVERS AND THE LAKES THAT YOU’RE USED TO

How does Murtagh know where the Varden are?

More shots of horseback riding!

That Urgal just leapt out of nowhere for no reason at all.

Oh my God, Malkovich...

He is annoyingly American in this movie.  Like why would you be afraid of this dude?

Man, Djimon Hounsou needs to get a lead role someday.  Like he’s too good for most of the movies he’s in.

The guy who plays Hrothgar looks really familiar for some reason...

Man, even before OUAT started, Robert Carlyle still had to deal with his character’s bad teeth problem.

Y’know, for Du Weldenvarden, this is pretty small.

This movie is pretty much kind of a rip off of “A New Hope:”  boy wants to do more, lives with his uncle, said uncle dies and gets burnt, boy travels along with father figure (in this case Brom’s actually his father so spoiler), father figure dies via bad guy who also has mystical powers, boy has the same job as father figure, boy defeats evil via super specific small weak point while in/on a flying object, boy has to go rescue princess

Are they planning out the battle on the sidewalk with charcoal?

You expect this naive seventeen year old who barely knows anything to lead the Varden into battle?  Haaa......

*Urgals burst through the Wall*  WHO’S GOT THE BARBECUE???

Y’know, for a climatic final battle, this is puny

INTO THE SKY!  TO WIN OR DIE!

“Yeah!”  We burnt down half the Varden!  Heck yeah!

Arya, as of this point in the movie, has probably had zero character development

Oh no, more marching Neanderthals...

Abba blacka what?

So literally for this final battle, Durza summons a dark smoke Pokemon.

“This wound weakens me.”  No crap, Saphira.

“I know what I have to do.”  Fire the proton torpedoes?

And Eragon dies from the fall.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

OK, I can’t deny the fact that Eragon’s battle armor looks sweet.

WEISS!!!  HEILL!!!

Why does Murtagh remind me of a Discount Kylo Ren?

All of the Varden are cheering because Eragon and Saphira wrecked their town last night.  Like “Eh, better cheer for this asshole as he freaking leaves us!  Thank God!”

@dynamicdiplomacy, what was that one Snapchat conversation we had about Luke coming back to the base after destroying the first Death Star?

“When will I see you [Arya] again?”  Never.

What’s with the Native American theme for Arya in this movie?

Shruiken!

KEEEEEEPPPP HOOOOLDINGGG OOOONNNNN!!!!

Why do the credits have a picture of a gryphon for the background?