#the whole concept of attraction is so baffling to me

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

Au where Stanford is obsessed with anomalies, but the anomalies are obsessed with Stanley instead. Stanley is in deep denial of this, of course, and its driving Stanford mad.

Especially since there is legit no reason for this, no reason at all for Stan to be so magnetic to the weirdness in the world, especially compared to Ford.

He’s tested for magic, nope. Tested dna, tested mental scans, curses, blessings, even his urine that one regrettable time in the midst of sleep deprivation. All negative for any kind of reasoning.

He finds this out due to his studying of the weirdness magnetism law, which leads him to Stanley in Nevada, big fight, big emotional reconciliation, blah, blah, blah.

Long story short, Stan gets dragged to Gravity Falls and only some of the reasons are research related! A win in Stan’s book!

Stan is having a good time, living with his bro, eating regularly trying to ignore Ford’ crazy talk and the fact Ford might(?) be on drugs.

Ford is trying to not feel wounded that everything loves his brother and not him (he legit saw the gnope police ignore his brother’s butterfly traficking, while Ford’s gnome criminal record only grows) but also immensely proud that Stanley fits in to his research.

Also is trying really, really hard to not acknowledge the fact Stan thinks he’s on drugs and keeps giving him knowing nods.

Anyway, hilarious scenarios ensue:

Ford, baffled and slightly angry: That was a leprechaun, a legit leprechaun gave you gold!!

Stan, holding handfuls of gold a short, Irish stranger gave him, giving Ford a ‘not cool’ look: …i’m pretty sure your not supposed to call people with dwarfism that, Ford.

Ford, about to explode:…

ALSO:

Ford, three in the morning, passionately explaining his work to Stan, manid excitement running through his veins: AND UNICORNS STAN, UNICORNS.

Stan, extremely experienced in the art of drug use: Uh-hu, tell me more Ford.

There's a similar au called Home Is Where The Weird is on Ao3 here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63746020/chapters/163433704

But i'd be lying if i hadnt thought of something similar before learning it existed. The idea that Ford is attracted to the strange, but the strange is attracted to Stan is such a fun one to think about. Stan just being a natural Weirdness Magnet for no reason Ford can find, and might also be the reason Ford himself is strange is such an interesting concept to me. Just- Ford being born with six fingers because Stan's weirdness magnetism was already at work in the womb? The idea would haunt Ford.

More under the cut!

And just like there's no visible reason that Gravity Falls has such a powerful Weirdness magnet, there's no reason for Stan to have one either! But its there, and Ford can see the effects of it at work!

I like the idea of Ford tracking Stan down on accident. Man's just looking for other magnets so he can compare data, and discovers evidence of a mobile one! How exciting! Why! How! He needs to figure out what it is!

And then he finds Stan, in the same town he's tracked the anomaly. There's a stiff sort of fight, and Ford sort of ignores him while trying to do his research, except everything he's following goes straight to Stan. Every signal, every strangely shaped jelly bean, until he's hit with the realization of 'oh my god, its Stan. Stan's the magnet.' Then he tackles his brother and forces him to show off where he's been for however long Fords been tracking the anomaly, and just like he suspects its the exact same route at the exact same times. Just confirms it for Ford that his brother is a natural weirdness magnet, and he needs to figure out why.

Which would make Stan's denial so so infuriating for Ford. Stan's lived his whole life explaining away every supernatural experience, he's not about to let his brother on drugs try and shove 'proof' in his face or whatever he's going on about. Ford, in his fury and need to know what Stan's deal is, drags him back home under the guise of 'studying him' which is a thin cover for 'oh my god Stan's homeless' and Stan allows because 'my brothers on drugs and i need to make sure he doesn't OD'.

Which is where i'm going to go on about my idea. When i thought about it, i was struck with the idea of how magnets repel each other if they have the same charge. Why?

Because Stan and Gravity Falls both attract Weirdness, they repel each other. Stan cannot enter Gravity Falls. Its like shoving two opposing magnets together, he physically cannot go past a certain point. There's an invisible force that pushes him back. Of course Ford's not going to let something like that stop him, and drags Stan into Gravity Falls anyway. It gets physically painful before Stan stumbles and is suddenly fine. he's in town, so everything is good, right?

Wrong.

Now he can't leave either. Gravity Falls Magnet has hooked onto Stan, and now the field is a little bigger now he's inside. He's trapped. My original idea was this would happen when Ford sends him the post card, and Stan gets more and more uneasy as he gets closer to Gravity Falls, until he hits the breaks suddenly, overcome with the need to not go any further. But Ford called him, and Ford needs him, so he's going to make it happen.

Except he physically can't. Gets out of the car to go on foot and just hits a wall. Theres a mini freak out that this is the reason Ford called him, and he drives to the closest phone along the invisible wall to call Ford. Fingers tapping and agitated, and then Ford never picks up, or it doesn't go through, because Fords deep in paranoia territory and hasn't paid his phone bill in some time. So Stan's gotta just push on through anyway.

And he does! Because he's Stan Pines and he's not going to let an invisible wall stop him! But it does mean he has to leave his car behind, because the effort of using it to shove himself in sort of broke it. Quickly figures out he cant go back either, then shrugs and moves on. Ford needs him here after all, he can figure out how to get out later. Goes the rest of the way to Fords cabin on foot/hitchhiking and everything goes mostly the same, except when Ford asks him to take the journal far away Stan stutters over his anger with the

"And how am i supposed to do that with the giant invisible wall!"

Much to Fords confusion. They yell at each other over it, Stan insisting he there was a force field around the town and Ford thinking Stan's just being stubborn, until he finally, in a burst of anger, drags Stan back to where he left his car (which is still there!) and shoves him over the boundary line.

Or tries to, because Stan hits an invisible wall. The wall that was not there before, and does not exist for Ford. No matter what he does, if he's holding his book or not, he cannot drag Stan past that line. It actually looks like he's shoving Stan against something physical. He gets like a centimeter of success before Stan is shoved back, like what happens with magnets.

Now Fords grand plan of having Stan drive off has failed, because he's accidentally trapped Stan in Gravity Falls. And they're both angry at each other, Ford hasn't slept, and Stan's freezing and also in pain from bursting through the first time and all of Fords attempts at shoving him the second.

And also theres a giant portal and Bill.

[super-ion]

It Starts With a Kiss

(Part 1?)

My story begins with a kiss.

At least in the sense that any story has a beginning. I suppose you could say my story began the day I was cursed or the day I was born or the day three-hundred-some years ago when one of my ancestors made an ill fated deal with one of the fae.

But that's not the story I want to tell you.

So maybe for the most accuracy, I should settle for: this story starts with a kiss

I wake from the enchanted sleep with the taste of someone else's breath on my lips. The very first conscious thought is one of violation and revulsion. My eyes snap open and…

Oh…

My breath catches, my heart begins to race, and a horrible alien feeling settles into the heart of me.

An aching, longing feeling blooms in my chest and it is so, so much worse than the kiss.

“Oh fuck,” I mutter, the very first words to pass my lips in over a hundred years.

He blinks in confusion. He was already looking at me like he didn't know what was supposed to come next, but now he looks genuinely lost.

I suppose I ought to describe him… I do apologize, I do tend to focus more on feelings than physical descriptions of things.

To be perfectly honest, he is rather plain, even by my standards.

Not that I have standards, mind you. I spent much of my teenage years utterly baffled by how my peers would moon over burly workmen or dashing court officials. All I was able to intuit was that there did seem to be some correlation between the most popular of them with the body types depicted in the heroic romantic portraits that were in vogue when I was young.

All this to say that the person who has kissed me certainly did not match my vague notions of what a handsome heroic figure was supposed to be.

His hair is unkept. He is scrawny. His clothes are rumpled and stained, slightly too large for him.

He has the bearing of a wet cat, miserable and pathetic. He holds himself as though he is wholly uncomfortable in his own body.

But the thing that strikes me most is the haunted, melancholy expression in his face.

I take all of this in and am met with a whole torrent of emotion. There is the curse of course, the awful surge of alien affection that goes against my very concept of self. But beneath that, there's a certain amount of gratefulness that he has broken the curse, though I suspect the curse itself may have played a part in bringing him here. And beneath that is a current of concern, possibly pity. He is very clearly miserable and despite my innate lack of attraction, I still care for the wellbeing of others.

“Good knight,” I say, furiously trying to keep my voice level, lest an awful simper brought on by the curse leak in. “I thank thee for… awakening me from my cursèd slumber. I am called Lyssa. Prithee tell me thy name?”

He hesitates.

He tells me his name. It slips from his lips like it is something painful.

I won't actually repeat it here out of respect for her… but, oh dear, I'm getting somewhat ahead of myself.

[our-queer-experience]

I think we need a new word for the specific genre of transphobic my dad is. Ofc I would never tell him he's transphobic to his face, I gave up on trying to teach him a while ago I just let him think he's an "ally!"

For reference the weird shit he's done/said:

"So how is [name] [deadname] they/them doing?" (In reference to my friend)

"You aren't a real man because you're not obsessed with boobs" (paraphrased, I am a gay trans man)

"Isn't that just straight?" (Me coming out as a gay man to him)

He thinks that we live in a socialist country because trans people are legally allowed to exist. We live in the uk. It's legal but it's definitely strongly discouraged

He supports Elon Musk but not Trump. That should be mentioned. He's just fine with Elon being transphobic because "Elon had a worse childhood than he gave his kids"

Doesn't let me use the mens bathrooms in public (I can't go outside for too long without my parents due to many factors and they for whatever reason have decided that I must use the womens bathrooms. I don't get it because I don't need them to help me in the bathroom or anything? And if I did disabled bathrooms are gender neutral?)

Leans towards supporting JK Rowling

Was shocked that a trans woman both looked like a cis woman and was attractive to him

Doesn't seem to full grasp the concept of gnc trans people like I don't think he could handle a transmasc drag queen because he seemed incredibly baffled by the concept of a trans woman having a beard. I mean I get it but the whole "oh she's just gender non conforming she likes her beard so she keeps her beard" should be enough. But no. It's like transmedicalism but if you inserted in a confused 50+ year old instead of ~20 being mad about a cis woman wearing a binder

Tumblr what are your thoughts on this. Is he genuinely a weird genre of transphobic or just old and also sorry for rambling it's a habit

augh thats the worst

[nezoriy]

List of "normal" things that always baffled me as a person on the aro/ace spectrum:

Disclaimer: A lot of this is based on the feelings and perception of my teenage self when I started to feel people around me were weird but didn't have the language or concept yet to understand what was wrong. So, give me a break if it sounds edgy sometimes. I don’t have the energy to sugarcoat every statement so it doesn’t offend anyone. If you're part of the mainstream and feel attacked by a random dude on the internet questioning things you find "normal," maybe ask yourself why you’re upset instead of coming for me.

1. "Love at first sight."

Even as a kid, this felt like a scam. I get friendship, and I can imagine love developing out of it. But for that, you need to know the person. You can't know someone instantly. So how on earth is this supposed to work? (The answer is, most ppl can feel sexual attraction instantaneously and it gets sold as love for the kids.)

2. Finding someone "attractive" = you’d like to fuck them.

I honestly was like 20something when I realized that actually yes, when ppl talk about someone, even celebs, being "attractive," they do mean they’d like to have sex with them and not just compliment them on their looks.

Like, I can honestly say that many of my friends, Cate Blanchett, and Hugh Jackman are "attractive." But to me, that’s like talking about a painting. Like, sure, Singer Sargent's Madame X is "attractive," but no one's trying to, uh, get it on with the painting… right?

3. The whole concept of dating (to find a romantic partner.)

So, you’re telling me people meet up specifically to see if they might develop feelings for each other when they don't have those feelings yet? 

Like, what even makes you say yes to a date if you don't know a person at all? (The answer is: once again, sexual attraction, obviously.) 

On the other hand, if you’re already friends with someone and just wanna see where it goes, why bring the flowers and fancy dinners into the equation?

4. Why people (especially women) would even risk sex back when it could have had major consequences for them

The list includes (but isn’t limited to):

Women before reliable contraception in societies where an unplanned pregnancy could be socially catastrophic;

Brothel visitors once STDs were known;

(Here’s the tricky one bc I myself kinda feel guilty for not being empathetic enough) gay people, especially men, in times and places where they could literally be imprisoned or executed for having sex

I need to be very clear here, this isn’t about moral superiority as I'm not feeling any, it’s about survival. Like, if sex could legit mess up your life, why not just… not do it? 

Yeah it's basically rip to “fallen” women but I’m different.

5. The culture of one-night stands, cruising, club hookups, etc.

This is still a bit uncomfortable in my head because this is a very prominent part of gay culture specifically, and I’ve always felt incredibly disconnected from it. But I can't edit it out.

Okay, so someone’s hot. I can maybe get that there’s a spark. But if you don’t know them… what if they open their mouth mid-action and reveal they voted for trump? Instant deal-breaker, my genitals are shriveling in terror.

6. The need to have a partner / actively searching for one.

I give it to you, if you vibe with someone, getting into a relationship may make sense. But actually, putting in effort to find one? For what? There’s so much other cool stuff in life!

7. "I haven’t had sex in five minutes/a month/half a year 😱😭" / jokes about dry spells.

Do you actually keep track of the timelines? So what if you haven’t? I get it, orgasm is great and all, but your hand still works, right? Why do you need another person for that? 

8. Imagining yourself in place of a person/character in sex scenes.

This mostly applies to fanfics but also “regular” porn. Even if the scene is hot, I don’t picture myself as any of the characters involved. Even if I'm aroused, I like it precisely for the characters in a specific scenario, I would only be a third wheel there. 

9. Sexual fantasies with yourself as a participant.

I really don't want to imagine myself in any sexual scenarios, neither with fictional characters nor with real people, even if I might have a crush on them. 

10. Cheating in relationships/marriage.

I’m not even talking about the moral aspect of breaking trust/violating the negotiated agreements; it’s the fact that someone "just couldn’t help themselves," “accidentally” had sex. Like, you’re willing to break an agreement, feel all the guilt, and go all secret agent-level to hide the thing because you… what, couldn’t keep it in your pants?

11. Extreme jealousy over sex.

Alongside the last point, I don’t really get why people make such a big deal about someone sleeping with someone else. Sure, it’s not cool to break agreements, and it’s a valid reason to re-evaluate the relationship. But just because they hooked up with someone else? Why is it such a dramatic deal?

(Spoiler alert: I’ve grown up to be poly now, who’s surprised xD)

12. The sexualization of women in media, ads, and the outrage from cishet guys about female characters wearing realistic armor instead of metal bikinis in their games now.

What do you mean, people actually like this and it works on them? Do people actually appreciate having half-naked women in their media? Seriously?

13. The priority of romantic relationships over friendships and every other kind of relationship.

From "got a partner, disappeared for two months from their friend group" to the whole idea that romance is inherently more "serious" or "important" than friendship. Why? Who made that a rule?

Okay, that’s it off the top of my head. Might add something later. 

[specialagentartemis]

Trick or treat! Tell me about your ace cavemen

hell yeah

the question of “what does sexuality look like in Paleolithic times, when the population was very low and dispersed, and it’s unlikely that property ownership or inheritance are factors to be concerned about?” is one that’s of interest to a lot of people, but there’s little imagination given to queerness that I’ve seen. What does being queer look like in this very, very different social setting?

Landownership is an incoherent concept here, and there’s very little distinction in material wealth to be kept private, and what clan you belong to is far more important than who your parents are directly. (I’ve also given my Ice Age community a consensus-based egalitarian decision-making system, so descent isn’t important in leadership either.) What are sexual norms in such a society?

So I’m thinking about Pendíkhia as ace-spectrum, though of course the language doesn’t exist and they don’t really conceptualize sexuality in terms of attraction and identity. There must always have been people who just… weren’t that interested in having sex, didn’t really desire it that much and preferred other types of relationships.

The “standard” normative relationship in this culture are committed pairs or small groups. You are born into one of three clans, and your whole clan is your family. Having sex with anyone born into the same clan you were is taboo, it’s incestuous. The clans are matrilocal; men move to join and live with their wives’ clan. Same-sex partners, meanwhile, are accepted as valuable alloparents; every adult in the clan helps raise the children, so having childless adults at any given time is valuable to help distribute the caretaking duty and make sure there are people to look after children and people to go off on hunting or gathering parties. Same-sex partners choose whose clan they live with based on 1) who has a pregnant sister, or a sister with an infant, who needs more support; or, if both or neither do, 2) the one with lower status within their own clan will tend to move to live with the partner of higher status within their clan. Women are encouraged to be trained as religious and medical specialists rather than men, to reduce the chance of these specialists leaving the clan. Some men may choose not to take a committed partner at all, in order to stay with their birth clan, if that is something they consider valuable to them. Summer is a time when all three clans get together and live together along the coast, a time of abundance and freedom, and unpartnered young adults are encouraged to have whatever sex they want (that doesn’t break incest taboos ofc) as a way of determining if they want to settle down and commit to any of them. (Nobody really conceptualizes romance as the root of partnership. Desire, affection, love, sure yeah absolutely. But romance as a category is just not… a thing they have.) Pendíkhia is an unpartnered adult who tried that the first summer she reached adulthood and realized she… doesn’t actually. Care. Or want to spend her time doing that, or committed to another person like that.

Kurrat meanwhile is expendable for human sacrifice partially because he isn’t interested in fucking and therefore unhelpful in preventing Neanderthal population collapse. What use are you then.

(Also partially my interest in sexuality and asexuality is a pointed refutation of a kind of baffling concept I’ve seen in MULTIPLE places—that people in the Ice Age didn’t know that sex led to babies. That they believed that pregnancy just Happened when the time was right. I find this… hard to believe.)

Also, writing asexual characters just kinda comes most naturally to me lol. I am not that interested in writing about sex. However the refutation of romance as a timeless and universal understanding IS intentional.

[kidspawn]

AFTG - The Sunshine Court (Reaction Notes)

The Beach episode. I have many many feelings. Jean Moreau keeps hitting me over the head with a fucking crowbar. Lots of background/lore dumping. Did I mention I love Cat? Jean's slowly slowly getting closer to kind of comfortable. Meeting more of the Trojans! (Including Cody, the legend.) Actual practice! Some Exy!!!

CHAPTER TEN

- you know what life IS complicated when you're not micromanaged Jean has discovered the trials and tribulations of free will. Tbh, sometimes I just wanna be told what to do you know. He gets it.

- JEREMY SHARE WTF IS GOING ON AT HOME!?!?! I JUST SPENT TWO CHAPTERS IN YOUR FUCKING HEAD!?!?!

- Jean: it doesn't interfere with exy I don't care

also Jean: ah yes Jeremy's phat ass

- ok long break because wow wow wow that whole... Wayne and Grayson and... WOW.

- first of all, pointing out that, despite it all, the Ravens ONLY had each other, and formed a connection because of that desperation like... FUCK.

- I don't think hitting is the solution, ofc not, and nor do I think anyone did anything to warrant getting hit. And the understanding of him not doing it on purpose is appreciated. But respectfully, why did we think coming up behind someone with trauma and touching them with a stimulating sensory material was a good idea?

- I could go on and on but Jean acknowledging this is good, and its not that he doesn't think this is good, but its more so he firmly believes he doesn't deserve something good in his life? Like???

- Coming to Renee who actually... knows how to speak with him and make him feel safe oh my heart

- The idea of "he only had a year left" is sodjdjdjejejej Jean's mentality of endurance and perseverance doesn't seem like it grants much empathy towards Wayne killing himself. Which is a complex issue, because I think Jean understands why he did it (or at least several reasons why he could have done it) but its so adverse to his own survival instinct he equally finds it baffling.

- BARKBARK! (I am not barking i am talking about the cardboard cutout dog i will specify when/if I bark ok)

- "if you play the game the way it was meant to be played" + jean not remembering the last time he played and enjoyed it = I think the way Jean has been taught to play Exy is one that has caused him to associate the sport with his trauma and a key factor in working through that is reprogramming how he perceives Exy. Which means playing it for fun, how USC plays it. Lovely lovely buildup.

- Ah. Okay. I see. I think that concept of needing a violent outlet makes more sense. And we've seen how the Trojans accommodate that. Which is another reason why the Foxes were a poor fit. Trojans keep their cool on the court and find an alternative outlet. Interesting.

- CAN WE GO ONE FUCKING PAGE WITHOUT LEARNING ABOUT SOME HORRIFIC TRAUMA JEAN HAS HAD-

CHAPTER ELEVEN

- FIRST OF ALL

- HORNY JAIL *BONK BONK*

- SECOND OF ALL

- I see we have trauma regarding our sexuality and expression of attraction ah wonderful this is great can't wait to read more about this in "All For The Suffering" by Nora fucking Sakavic thanks Nora I really appreciate this

- "curse him for looking as good as a blonde as he did as a brunette" shut up SHUT UP *BONK BONK*

- "Every storefront window they passed threatened to throw the morning sun right back at them" <- no commentary just lovely descriptors

- Oh oh he's sharing little tidbits about himself don't make me emotional thank you. Sharing about Marseilles and Jeremy just eager to hear more about it that is so lovely.

- "Why Jeremy had to watch him" because you're a six foot athletic french man with icy grey eyes and gorgeous fucking nose Jean get with the fucking program

- oh wow beach episode i bet this won't have anything difficult or traumatizing in it because THE RULE OF BEACH EPISODES IS THAT WE HAVE A GOOD FUCKING TIME OK ATTACK ON TITAN IS AN OUTLIER AND SHOULD NOT BE COUNTED-

- Ho hey! Lucas! Haha! I want to like you! I do! But uh! What the fuck was that!

- (see there is something up with Jeremy damn damn damn)

- I like Cody. They're cool. Finally someone short. Was missing that series staple.

- "Your apologies are as worthless as your opinion." 🥰🥰🥰

- "Safety was a dangerous illusion, but Jean still felt the gentle weight of it." Oh this is lovely lovely lovely. I am using this word a lot. But the ability to drop a boatload of trauma and a highly stressful scenario in the reader's laps then buffer and sand it with a quiet moment of reflection is exquisite.

- There's something about the little kindnesses the Ravens exchanged building a bond. I just think... yeah.

- Last chapter we saw Renee distracting with the mundane of her life, and Jeremy does the same here. I think there's more parallels between those two relationships than anyone is giving them credit for..

- Jeremy has some general familial issue. There are way too many hints being dropped about his family and his relationships for me to believe there's nothing deeper to it.

- Also, compare the concept of apologies being worthless from last chapter, and Jean acknowledging Jeremy's apology in his head here - right after his first sort of "breakthrough" in questioning the Ravens and Moriyamas.

- First of all, the counselor they sent him was shitty. I don't care what excuses there are, that was entirely unprofessional and disrespectful and like... fuck him.

- Second of all, I always appreciate that this series stressed the importance and value of therapy. Telling Jean he needs it, marking it as a significant part of his journey that he's making a choice to get a therapist he could feasibly tolerate. I love all of this.

CHAPTER TWELVE

- I think there's a significant amount to say on how the media is a hindrance to the healing needed for the dispersed Ravens, because even if they were attempting to do good by bringing the abuse the team faced to light, they're directly intruding on a very private moment. And so its less them "doing good" and just trying to catch the story first and cash out.

- I do want to take a minute to say that the whole "his family had problems - all families did" feels like an amp up to "hey Jeremy that feels dismissive of how many problems you have" because even an idiot can see that you have family problems and they're not your typical brand ok? ok.

- Two hundred and fourteen pages for a dick joke. Well done. Well done. I like that they're almost bantering, equally.

- "Yes, Jeremy" AHDHEHFHAHFHEHEH

- The unhesitating trust goddamnit that's djsjdjqjsj I think Jeremy's position as Captain makes him perfect for Jean to respect and listen to, and his teams stance on sportsmanship and conduct can be taught through that bond. Like, narratively Jeremy has been set up to be optimal for Jean to heal alongside.

- I MEAN I GUESS IM JUST GLAD HE DOESNT HAVE TO SWIM????

- The separation of Jean the person and Jean of the (perfect) court is so so valuable imo, especially considering Jean is attaching all his value on his ability on the court, and so any setbacks are a personal failure. Which really speaks to his deeper conflicts in his being benched and being set back in his abilities.

- "Sometimes I forget English is your second language." "It is my third." HAHAHAHAHAHA.

- "Watching them pine over each other is so boring. At some point one of them has got to make a real move." YA KNOW. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT FUCKING POINT. MAYBE OTHERS IN THE CROWD SHOULD CONSIDER

- (obviously joking they should definitely take their time coming to this.)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

- "Jean couldn’t remember the last time someone allowed him any boundaries, and the feeling was as novel as it was addicting"

- uh huh yeah no this is threat assessment. jesus i'm already done with yall's bullshit

- see Jean is asking my questions there ARE a lot of short people. There's been a deficit so far in this book and short people are the foundation upon which this series was made. Y'know. Besides the murder and mafia.

- Also isn't Jean like 6'4 I think everyone is short to him (?)

- "PAT WAS BARELY TALLER THAN JEREMY" BABES I DONT THINK JEREMY IS THAT SHORT????? YOURE JUST FUCKING TALL???

- This is where I go on about how goalkeepers SHOULD be short, and I absolutely acknowledge this is my hockey fan coming out but goalies being short is a staple of stick sports you understand me do NOT disrespect short goalies like that I understand the red wings lineup is well past six foot but they are a statistical outlier and should not be counted-

- Seeing Jean feel unmoored by open physical affection and Cat BEING so openly affectionate is actually everything to me. Something something having a friend who shows affection out loud and with little to no remorse.

- "is Cody safe" YEAH I HAD THE SAME REACTION TO CAT BTW

- "I'm a sucker for happy endings" and I hope Cat is a little clairvoyant

- I like Cody. Of course I like Cody. It was ordained. Fuck.

- Moment to appreciate that that meeting of all the other members actually DID go really well awwww. There was like... minimal hiccup. And they got to laugh and joke and be normal kids. Don't get me started.

- "Its all I am, coach." See and we were having a good time. Now you have to do this.

- "tension was something he was used to" YEAH I BET. But once again leaning into this idea of Jean preferring the devil he knows over the comfort he doesn't. Right on. Im going to go stick my pinkie in hot water to feel something for a minute.

- "A couple of hours from him had seemingly restored Cat's good mood" The phrasing of this hurts my feelings. I think he's confusing a frustration over what happened to him to personal frustration.

- "Words are empty." A sentiment Jean has shared, I think. There's such a delicate balance between them having just enough of his thought process to speak his language, so to speak, and just removed enough to challenge him on his more problematic views.

- Im going to just end that sentiment on, "we don't have to grovel to show our respect" because I think the text does all the work for me there

Previous Chapters

1-5 6 7-9

[springtrappd]

I'd go a step further and say that sexy AUs that remove the childcare out of the childcare bot are 🥴🥴🥴 I mean, do your horny art, I'm an adult too, but sometimes I wonder if people are even attracted to the actual d/c/a. Not talking about stylisation here, or "dolling" them up a bit. That one au just manages to mix that with Life of a Geisha levels of (imo) racism

yeaaahhhhhh, it's pretty apparent that a lot of the more... i'm blanking on a more appropriate word rn? but we'll go with dedicated fans are invested not in the characters themselves but in the concept of the characters. i've actually written hundreds of words on this and then deleted them because it felt too mean & rude towards people who're just spilling out of their lane? but the problem with a lot of d/c/a fandom is that their interpretation of the character is inherently tied to what it does for them, rather than the character itself; they're not having a conversation with the art, they're speaking over it. it's fascinating stuff that i fully understand the motive of, even if it really isn't for me -- it's not weird or wrong to want comfort, or to express yourself creatively; it's just baffling from a media analysis standpoint, because... well, as i've said before: the d/c/a is a character so deeply tied to the context it exists in that to remove it is to create an Entirely New Guy. the d/c/a fandom has veered away from wider f/n/a/f fandom so heavily because they are not fans of the same guy.

and i do really, really wish we could have a discussion of the whole childcare aspect of it without people getting Fucking Weird, also. i know it's easy to dismiss concerns about the sexual slant of the fandom, particularly in our current political moment of rising fascism (& the ways that is inherently tied to the stifling of sexual expression), and that it sounds like some overly-anxious [insert pejorative label for someone of opposing views to yours of the week here] projecting shit that isn't there -- but, like. it is undeniable that large portions of the audience here are under-age, and that they are both producing and freely interacting with creative works that have sexual under(and sometimes over)tones. this is not inherently bad; it's normal for teenagers to feel things, and it's normal for both teens and adults to express those feelings. it's cool if a teenager wants to read bad porn. the problem is that the best way to combat sexual abuse is education and awareness, and an environment that is both allergic to reminders of real-world problems and any form of criticism is not conductive to that. while it's not your responsibility to stop predators, and you're not personally responsible for educating everyone you meet... in the face of a system (society) that has utterly failed, it falls upon the people to support each other ourselves. idk it's a topic i have a lot of complicated thoughts on

i think a lot of the problems with ^all this probably come from a lot of people associating sex with, like, something dirty/sinful (even if only subconsciously) and thus rejecting the implication that it could have anything to do with what they're doing. ykwim? especially because of the aforementioned under-age thing; you get a mix of adults who don't want to think about that dynamic and under-age folks who've come to understand the expression of desire as something inherently predatory, and it ultimately creates a space that is as asexual as it is fuelled by desire. this is also because people are not a monolith, and a lot of people have weird relationships to, well, relationships, and not everyone experiences sexual attraction in way that makes sense and -- you see why i keep shelving posts, right? it's hard to talk about this stuff, and it's even harder to not sound judgemental doing it. (especially when, like me, your impulse for breaking tension is to get hyperbolic/vulgar. everything sounds less serious, and therefore less scary, if you can make a joke about it.)

and... yeah. i'm not japanese or an expert -- i'm just an autistic white gal with a special interest (that isn't geisha. for clarity) -- but hooooooly shit are fandoms incapable of being normal about people of colour. if your fandom is white enough that the white guy can feel it i think there is mayhaps a problem. and like, yes obviously there are d/c/a fans of colour, i'm not saying that -- but rather that fandom is a part of society, and society is pretty fuckin' racist, and if you approach everything without questioning that society's perspective you're gonna end up being pretty fuckin' racist. "oh so geisha are like, prostitutes, right?" is the kind of thing that only happens when you don't even think to question your own ignorance. i am genuinely shocked i haven't seen a belly dancer au yet

[comphet-critical]

Comp-het is a weird concept to me because just the concept of homosexuality means that you cannot be attracted to the opposite sex, so why would anyone force themselves to? I’m not really in online/offline gay circles but I thought the whole “having sex with a partner of X many years then figuring out I was a homosexual” was like a thing that happened waaaay back in the day when people didn’t have any access of information around these things. I could see someone being super isolated and just not know that their attraction is normal, but in present day, it feels weird that it’s still happening. The only leeway I can see is if someone of preteen age had one of those “middle school crushes” that went nowhere (ended at confession/ hand holding) and then figured out they were homosexuals when they experienced actual sexual attraction for the first time during puberty. I don’t fault anyone for thinking they might be straight at that age, but I draw the line at actually having sexual relations with the opposite sex. It’s weird that this is a contentious thing. I thought this was just the general agreed upon thing.

And this is coming from someone who thought comp-het was describing how society pushes heterosexual relationships as the norm, not that homosexuals can have sex with and desire the opposite sex. Where did this come from?

Anyways sorry for the long ask, I’m just now catching up on some things and this baffled me .

it came from a bisexual woman who was a political lesbian, her essay about compulsory heterosexuality is literally telling women they can choose to be lesbians if they want to.

it made its way to tumblr in 2016-2017, then the masterdoc was created a few years later and blew up on all social media platforms.

[basicallyahedgehog]

Hi!

This is going to seem random but I promise it’s about your writing!! I’m pretty new to realizing I’m Ace (like very new) and I’m struggling with coming to terms with it, and with being really afraid of being alone my whole life, and like actually really grieving thinking I was just a picky bisexual (until listening to other people talk about attraction and realizing that is not my experience). And just generally having a pretty hard time.

But I just wanted to tell you that your fic ‘A Little Bit of You’ was so good. Like the beginning part of Harry not understanding that he’s flirting but just very casually affectionate is literally my life. (A part of my life that I have found baffling because doesn’t everyone want to hold their friends’ hands or play with their friends’ hair??? How is that flirting???) I literally started crying when I read that, I felt so seen and validated. Also just like the very real fear of never being loved, of being alone forever, of always being simultaneously too much and not enough. It’s like you took my whole entire heart and put it into a fic. And then you handed my fears the hope that for someone, doing life together is enough; making food together, snuggling on the sofa, getting to travel and adventure 🥹🥹😭😭😭

Anyway. Please pardon my rambling. It’s just that I’ve been really afraid and sad lately, and for a couple of minutes it felt like maybe everything will be okay. Thanks for sharing your writing. 💕

Hi Nonnie.

First off, congratulations on discovering this part of yourself! I know it feels huge and scary but I'm so so happy that you know yourself a little bit better now.

I'm so, so, so glad that my fic helped you, even just a little bit. Fanfic - specifically drarry fanfic - is where I first came across asexuality as a concept, let alone realising that I'm ace. So this feels full circle in a really beautiful way. If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to check out the fics linked in these lists. So many of them were instrumental to me discovering, accepting and feeling comfortable in my own aceness, and any I've read more recently always feel like a warm, affirming hug.

Harry in this is fairly heavily based on my own experiences. The amount of times I've been accused of flirting - and also was apparently being flirted with! (Can we normalise physical affection between platonic friends? Please???).

I promise, that someday, everything will be okay. I can't tell you what that is going to look like, but I truly believe that one day you will look back on this time and smile knowing just how far you've come. Whether that future includes a partner or not, you will be happy and have fulfilling relationships. Because being ace does not take away our capacity to love or be loved - it just looks different.

I didn't know I was ace until more than four years into my marriage. I figured out my demiromanticism even later than that. But those two facts about me don't change the fact that I have a husband whom I love - in my own, Rowan way - and who buys me light up keyboards and makes sure I have enough blankets and huffs when I hog the sheets.

Anyway, this has been a ramble of my own! But thank you so so much for reading my little fic, and for reaching out (I will treasure your words forever). If you ever feel comfortable, my DMs are always open (to you, and to everyone else).

But more than anything, Nonnie, I want you to know that you are valid and loved exactly as you are.

[princesstokyom]

tagged by the delightful @nsfwitchy2 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

1. What was the last thing you drank?

...water 😔

2. Where was your profile picture taken?

CIRCUS!!!!!!

3. Worst pain ever?

nothing has yet to top the fibro flares tbqh. it literally feels like my spine is clawing at my back muscles sometimes

4. Favorite place you've ever traveled?

GOD thats hard to answer and REALLY depends, theres pros and cons to the favourites i DO have. but i THINK if i had to choose one as the top favourite then... honestly, probably stratford-upon-avon. i fuckin love shakespeare, and sooooo much him stuff is there, and its an absolutely gorgeous town. and just GOD the idea of having RSC performances on my doorstep, fuckin heaven. id KILL to work at that theatre.

5. How late did you stay up last night?

bold of you to assume ive slept, i only started to feel sleepy about half an hour before i had to play pathfinder, its been an all nighter baybeeeeeeeee

6. If you could move, where would you move to?

i repeat my answer for question 4 lmfao

7. What do you collect?

DICE DICE DICE DICE DICE DICEIECIDEJCIIECIEC DFGHRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

8. Favorite day of the week?

the concept of having a favourite day has always baffled me. as a kid it was easily friday, but thats because that was the day we were given chocolate. now i buy my own chocolate, and im too disabled to work, so time is an amorphous blob, with the only distinctions being sunday pathfinder day, and friday therapy day. but i dont think either of those distinctions are enough for me to claim any day as a favourite.

9. Amusement park or concert?

Wildly depends on both the concert and the amusement park. I will give the concert the Edge PURELY for accesibility reasons. theyre not all great, but theyre better than an entire day of queuing for a 2 second ride.

10. When was the last time you cried?

uhhhh its blurry but i wanna say two days ago? clearly my brain has tried to block it out tho, i KNOW it happened since my last therapy session (we actually skipped the most recent friday so thats a whole week it could have slotted in somewhere), but i cant actually tell you when.

11. Who took your profile picture?

DATS ALL ME BAYBEEEE

12. Who's the last person you took a picture of?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................... myself, i dont really take photos of other people. other than that, the only thing i can think of is my dads dead body. yes i realise that makes me sound insane, no i dont care, it makes me feel better to have it.

13. What's your favorite season?

autumn all the way babyyy ~<3 not hot, not hayfevery, and everything is orange!

14. If you could have any other career?

ahahahahahha "other" career

if i could have any career? actor. specifically theatre actor, i fuckin hated film acting.

15. Who's your celebrity crush?

define celebrity, and tbh, define crush atp. i used to have a couple, and even though i still think most of them are attractive, i dont really feel like its a crush on them in the same way anymore. OH I KNOW! noel fielding, i still fancy him. and chris barrie and danny john jules tbqh

16. Are you a good influence?

if i want to be. though the Specifics of that will vary from person to person. my idea of being a positive influence is probably not the same as what some imagine to be a "good" influence.

17. Does pineapple belong on pizza?

pineapple has no right to exist in any format stop putting it in ANY food

18. You have the remote, what are you watching?

WILDLY depends on mood, who im with, and what my options are. based on my current Exact Mood and the fact that im alone? im turning off the tv, and putting on either robbaz, the spiffing brit, angorytom, or ebon ward

im not in the mood to tag specific people, feel free to do this if you want to and consider yourself tagged by me

[yonemurishiroku]

How do you feel about Will as bi rep (a major issue for me, a bi dude), is it okay or is it kind of the same as the rest of the book?

First, just let me apologize for the agonizing waiting time. This ask is from May 2nd. In my defense, it took me just that exact time to ruminate for the best answer and still I barely have any clue what I'm talking about. I'm not good at this. I'm really not.

Anyway. Back to the point.

At first glance, I think there's another thing we need to address before going into the details of Will as a bisexual. And that is the definition of what, exactly, is considered representation.

Because Idk about you but I have some criterias when it comes to representation.

Sometimes people just write/ draw/ talk/ etc... about something because they want to or they like, you know? It doesn't have to be representation all the time just because they mention it. They don't want to represent, they just want to... express themselves, so to speak.

Imo, if something wants to represent a concept, a community, whatever, it needs 1/ to be done with a certain level of dedication, knowledge, and awareness, 2/ have some focus on their distinctive traits, and 3/ leave a memorable impression on their consumers/ audience. As the main purpose of representation is to include and to show, you should definitely make your appearance count.

Now, do I consider Will's bisexuality representation?

Eh. I don't know.

Tbh I don't have much of an impression of that... I mean. I'm aware. And it's great that Bisexual Will is finally canon after so many headcanons. And that's all. The weigh of the fact is, well, that of a fact. It doesn't leave an imprint on me.

I, personally, don't have a problem with that. As in: I would understand if Rick just want to include a bisexual character (demigod. Bc we all know Apollo and the Greeks is the whole LGBT spectrum). It doesn't have to be something big all the time, really - Kinda like the way Malcomn Pace's, Paulo Montes's, or Jake Mason's sexuality is left up to interpretation.

So, let's just assume that Will is a bi rep. What do I have to say about this?

I'm assuming you're asking specifically about that part of Will and Persephone (since I don't recall anything else...), so I'm gonna follow that path. I just want to make it clear that:

-Whilst slightly baffled, I have nothing against Will being attracted to Persephone.

-I don't consider it a good choice as bisexual representation.

The first point I have explained in another ask that: as long as it makes sense and fits into the plot - as in, plot-wise, logically - I don't have problem with it, and Will's attraction to life as a whole isn't something new. The principle of what it means, however, is another matter which depends on how the events themselves progress.

The second point: I just... don't think being interested in your boyfriend's step-mother is a good choice for bisexual rep, you know...? Like. I mean. Gods this is hard. I mean you have to admit it's a little weird, to some extent. I have seen weird stuff my whole fandom life but even I were like. "Okayyyy hold up a little---" It's kinda funny, yeah.

Not mentioning blatantly admitting it to your boyfriend's face. And no, Nico's "bisexual chaos" does not help.

Of all the famales in a series and Rick chose Will's boyfriend's step-mother. Bold, really. I'd give him that.

In conclusion: I have to say that I'm not good at this, and I'm at no position to speak for the bisexual community. Though since you ask, I'd say that I, as a AroAce still trying to figure out myself, can't be happy with canon Will as a bisexual representation, and neither do I hold it against the author(s).

[mable-stitchpunk]

So, what do you think about the Tales of the Pizzaplex books? I was pretty confused, because some of the stories seem to take place before the Glamrock animatronics were made.

I kind of feel like I do with the Fazbear Frights stories. Some of them are alright, but a majority of them just don't really do it for me.

Tales of the Pizzaplex is especially notable because while it uses the Pizzaplex as the name of whatever location it wants- filling it up with an endless amount of attractions and locales- it's largely unwilling to actually talk about places from the games, the actual Glamrock animatronics (instead of brief cameos), and at its worst seems to recycle concepts from Fazbear Frights.

You would think a series of books like this would take advantage of the source material, but it seems almost too afraid to actually talk about anything in the games at any leagues without dancing around it. Making many of the stories unsatisfying because they do not feel complete. Tales of the Pizzaplex is too busy hinting about possible plot points that they only tell a story half of the time.

...Plus, things like having fast-spreading cancer as plot points are just so baffling. I'm not even saying it in a wag my finger way. I'm saying it like: what does VR hallucinations and cancer have to do with one another? Another story that ends on an unsatisfying cliffhanger. (Especially bizarre since Fazbear Frights' The Real Jake dealt with cancer in such a tragic and mature way.)

Let's not even talk about the bizarre implications of B-7, and the fact that there's apparently going to be a sequel to it. O.o

That's not to say I dislike all of the stories, obviously, but many of them feel so lifeless.

It's a shame, because I feel like you COULD make a whole book of Pizzaplex stories easy. Ones that involve some of the elements from the games and new ones, but without being so weirdly detached.

But you can't do that when you need to get books out extremely fast and you apparently can't risk stepping on the toes of any possible lore implications. In that case, you play it as safe as possible.

...

Here's some Pizzaplex story ideas:

There's a Karaoke Contest at the Pizzaplex! Just to play it safe in case of rowdy patrons, the technicians decide this is an excellent time to try out the new Bouncer Mode...

2. Working late at the Pizzaplex is never fun, especially when you're stuck unpacking a bunch of old stuff. Especially when the odd plush toys you're unpacking seems to be moving on their own.

3. Animatronic repair goes wrong.

4. Steve and his team of workers find themselves in a precarious situation when the old elevator they found in the basement breaks down and leaves them stranded... Especially when he starts hearing something moving within the walls.

5. Luis gets a message from a friend to meet in the parking garage.

[sapphire-weapon]

Im starting to get amused at how many Ada asks you are getting. I think people don't know what to do with her anymore or know where to place her for that matter. Ada as a stand alone character, (that one Lady Gaga quote) "talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique", etc... With Leon, I feel as though i would look her dead in the eye and tell her not to settle, and that she could do so much better.

She's so under utilized that i feel as though shippers cling to Aeon, because what else is there for her? i hope the new remakes give her some space outside of leons own story.

I am actually baffled by the amount of Ada asks that I get, because I have never really been an Ada person, so to speak.

Historically, it's always been easier for me to say "I don't fucking like Ada" but like. It's always been for reasons that aren't really her fault. I don't fucking like how Capcom uses Ada, I don't like the way she gets pigeonholed in the narrative, I don't like how her only two purposes are "melodrama for Leon" or "get out of jail free card for whenever Capcom can't find a better way to explain how a villain did a thing."

It's nothing to do with Ada's personality. I actually enjoy her as a person, for the most part. Like, she fuckin makes me laugh sometimes. I find the concept of her intriguing, but. At the same time, there's nothing there past her relationship with Leon, because Capcom won't write her in a context removed from him. So why fucking bother giving her the benefit of the doubt?

So like. This is literally the most I have ever talked about her character... ever.

But even then, I do agree with you. I do think that if Ada and Leon were to end up together, Ada would be settling. I don't think he could give her what she needs. Ada was attracted to him initially because he gave her the appearance of someone who's stable and reliable in the middle of the chaos that is her normal life -- but he's not, really. He was already thinking about suicide during the events of RE2. OG Leon is a tortured man with a mood disorder and, eventually, a drinking problem. And Ada's just... not the personality type to help him through his issues. That's why this never actually comes up between them in a meaningful way.

And that's why I get so fucking annoyed at how she's used in this series. That's why I've never wanted to talk about her in the past. Because the whole narrative surrounding her is bullshit, and the writers at Capcom clearly don't respect her autonomy as a character, so why the fuck should I?

Now, Remake does seem to be changing that. And that's great. So I'm trying to be optimistic.

But sometimes I wonder if the anons sending in these asks are folks who have been trapped in the Aeon cult and want to get out while not giving up the affection they have for Ada as a character. I get the desire to want more for her. Hopefully Remake delivers. But until then, I guess I'll just do the best I can with what I've been given. And that's all anyone else can do, too.

[pnkzero]

Hello! I JUST woke up and saw this, and since you asked for opinions, I'm going on an embarrassingly long and self indulgent rant about this topic! Below is what I wrote straight up after leaving the soft, warm comfort of my bed.

I've thought about this exact topic before and actually pretty recently, too. While I agree with most of what you wrote, I think frankly that Nny would simply hate the concept of "race" existing in the first place. I imagine he's not impervious to prejudice and hatred, which is clear in the comic since he's often picked on and sometimes even physically attacked for his looks.

Exempli gratia, this panel here in issue five, where he gets shoved around for being weak, ugly, skinny and generally unmasculine.

And he DOES say, in this exact panel, that people that use racial oppression as a shield while only reinforcing old stereotypes, just like you said. But I'm not entirely sure he'd be "anti-woke" or be mad at the idea of people finding community in certain aspects of themselves. I think he'd be more angry at the concept of race even BEING a thing. In another panel, that I CANNOT find for the life of me, Nny attacks a predator that was trying to hurt Todd. If memory doesn't fail me, he cuts off his hands and kills him, and shows Todd the predator's brain. He goes on about how some people call other people monsters, but that there's no such thing, as everyone has the same shit inside them and therefore is, ultimately, the same.

I think he would think similarly about race. I might be projecting; because I, myself, am BAFFLED at the notion that so many foreign people still genuinely use the word "race" to describe someone's ethnicity or even just skin colour. Einstein went over this a while ago, there's no such thing as race, just the human race. That said, I think Nny is rather intelligent, when he's lucid enough to actually follow reason, even if just for a little bit. And I think he'd come to my same conclusion in matters of race, albeit maybe more exaggerated in his way of thinking. That being that there is no such thing as race, and that everyone who thinks differently must be intellectually and emotionally stunted. I think he'd be able to understand that literally nothing distinguishes us from one another, apart from our actions (although as humans, our behaviour tends to fall into patterns).

We choose to act the way we do. The people that Nny kills chose to bully him. Nny chooses to kill people. Everything else, (skin colour, ethnicity, nationality, sexual attraction, fetishes, likes, dislikes...) is there by chance. We can't choose that. That's why I think Nny would only REALLY judge people based on their choices, hating whoever chooses to suck or yes, even someone who chooses to make their queer identity "their whole personality". All that to say, I don't think he'd reject his race. I think he'd reject the concept of race itself. I think he'd reject the idea that, because of the way he looks, he's categorised as something HE didn't choose. He can't choose to not be labelled as Mexican or brown like he can't choose to not be labelled as gay, ugly or skinny. He looks the way he does, and people will make assumptions based on his appearance. Full stop. That happens, to everybody, always. And I feel he would be especially pissed about being perceived, in general. Which is also why I think he kills, sometimes. We, the readers, are well aware he sometimes kills people for no apparent reason. I think one of the reasons he kills without an apparent motive is for the simple fact that he was being perceived, and it drives him mad that he can't stop it. Except he can. He can kill whoever perceives him, ultimately stopping that person from doing so. It gives him power over it; they can't perceive him as anything, because they are no longer conscious enough to.

And of course he would think race wars are stupid, everyone with more than three working neurons in their head can understand that fighting over physical attributes that are out of our control and/or slight and harmless cultural differences is stupid. (Not insulting you or anyone specific, just saying)

As for his gender identity, I completely agree. I don't think he's either cisgender OR heterosexual, but I do agree he'd HATE being labelled as anything. I don't necessarily think he doesn't like labels to begin with, at all, but I do think he'd hate being forced into a box by someone else... As shown in the comic, since he kills several people for calling him a faggot. In my opinion, in those cases, he's not JUST angry with being called a derogatory slur, he's angry that he's being CALLED. He never told these people whether or not he's attracted to men, therefore they shouldn't ASSUME he's attracted to anyone at all. Because that's his business, and unless he decided to share this peculiarity of his, nobody should bother him about it. The same could be said about his ethnicity. He never went out of his way to announce that he's Mexican, so nobody should feel the need to bother him about it.

Anyway, yeah. That's what I think. To make a long story very short, I (relatively) agree with you.

And this is just stuff that's on my mind, but Johnny's relationship with his race could be explored a little. Sometimes it frustrates me when I read that Vasquez gets annoyed that people call him pale, and asks the reader if he even looks like someone who is pale, but the thing is... all official stuff of Johnny that is colored could reasonably pass as white, and this comes across to me as Vasquez intending for Johnny to visibly not be white, yet failing to execute this properly... which is why I appreciate whenever I see fanartists draw him with a darker tone

Anyway, my point here was initially going to be about how Johnny most likely isn't connected to his heritage at all, and considers himself someone who "happens to be Mexican" rather than a Mexican—he's too dissociated to even factor in his race, but I like to imagine that there would be times where it catches him off guard, like maybe he'd eat some Mexican dish and suddenly it reminds of something—home, ostensibly, but his memory fails him and he can't be too sure—all he knows is that it's familiar.

I've also played around with what his relationship with language and bilingualism would be like, I personally believe that he has on multiple occasions forgotten that he knows Spanish, and will overhear conversations and go, Huh. Right. I can understand what they're saying. as a result of that aforementioned dissociation. It's not like he doesn't know he knows Spanish, it's just something he gets reminded of. I also don't think he is particularly fluent, but understands it just fine—he's probably better at listening and speaking (and can hold a conversation if suddenly thrown into one) than he is reading and especially writing.

Another thing I wanted to bring up is the idea of Johnny rejecting his race, not because of super internalized racism (although it does play a slight role into this kind of behavior), but because he's the type of person to be like "race wars are stupid, we all suck" and hate the kind of people who "use race as a shield" because they are oppressed—kind of in this "anti-woke" mindset (despite literally being the guy in the pic) when he's really just mad at the idea of anyone finding community in anything. He is so isolated that he can't fathom why people of color would want to do this and build community because he thinks everyone ever sucks and is against him one way or another. (Kind of like how I don't think Johnny is particularly cis, but would absolutely hate being called trans and/or nonbinary, and would hate the kind of queer person who "makes it their personality.") I can't tell if this last part here makes sense but let me know what you guys think, this isn't a topic I really see talked about.

[missinghan]

cold sun ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : soulmate au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 2,6k.

❖ warning : slight swearing

❖ summary : in a world where one will lose something if their soulmate doesn’t reciprocate their words of love once they turn sixteen, jisung is willing to take the risk so you won’t have to bear the burden.

❖ note : i just realized how i always tend to write for jisung when i'm down :')) anywho this piece is a little different than what i usually come up with but i hope y'all enjoy it ♡

It’s the first day of the week.

“Hey, Y/N. I like you!”

And Han Jisung is really annoying.

Those words come out so easily. It's casual in a way that makes you bury your red nose deeper into the soft fabric of your scarf, which makes your footsteps quicken unknowingly as his voice chases after you loudly. Either way, this isn’t the first time Jisung has said so. In fact, it’s become a habit for him to remind you every other day.

There’s no particular reason why. Or at least that’s what you think.

It’s the end of the week. Jisung decides to hang himself upside down on your bed while you’re stressing over a presentation. “Hey, Y/N.” A cold winter breeze comes rushing against the perplexing glass of your window, shaking the frame violently before all motions come to silence.

Until, “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he creeps up from behind you and chirps into your ear.

“What?” you let out a groan of displease when tempting warmth embraces you whole, prompting you to drop your attention and looking over your shoulder.

Jisung pouts, “You didn’t answer me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying,” you sigh.

“Answer me when I call your name,” he pulls you in a fraction tighter, careful enough not to hurt you but firm to not let you slip away at the same time, and cradles your neck warmly, “So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“Alright, stupid.”

The all too familiar gummy smile returns instantly. “Hey, Y/N?”

And you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Jisung?”

“I like you,” he giggles into the hug, “I like you a lot.”

Han Jisung really is annoying.

He’s annoying because he talks too much. He’s annoying because of how he always asks for your notes after a gaming night with Felix just to nap in class. He’s annoying because he’d drop you in a heartbeat for a single slice of cheesecake from Jeongin’s mom’s bakery. He’s annoying because of how well he can get along with everyone.

Chatty, down-to-earth, easy-going with a lovable smile—attractive, very attractive.

It’s the week after that. “What...happened?”

“He lost his voice,” Jeongin sighs, looking like he genuinely wants to facepalm himself against concrete while walking with an incoherent Jisung to school; expressive hands with his mouth agape and all.

You tilt your head, “...for real?”

“For real.”

After a few seconds of eyeing Jisung struggling with converting what’s in his head, you exhale deeply and quickly rummage through your backpack, “Just stop, you look ridiculous.” And he does just that, zipping his mouth metaphorically and giving you those typical puppy eyes. “Here, use this.”

His eyes light up like stars when you rip off a page from one of your notebooks and offer it to him along with a pen. Truth is, you’re expecting something as predictable as ‘I like you’ or ‘It’s alright it’s just the worst cold I’ve ever caught’. But then, what’s displayed on the piece of paper right now only baffles you.

Park is going to murder you if he sees some uglyass tear in your Ochem notes :)

A forced grin splits your lips open. “Not if I murdered you first and then the entire school and then myself.”

The first genuine smile blossoms on his lips when you give him a mini-sized notepad and pencil the day after—his sixteenth birthday.

And Jisung decides this is it.

It happens when the sun hasn’t even come out yet and the irritating blue light from his phone reads 5:32 AM.

It happens when he sees your reclined figure leaning back against his mattress, his pupils tracing your delicate features. Perplexed emotions fill his eyes to the brim, fulfillment bursting within his chest when you stare right back at him with such purity. So pure that it seems you can do no harm to him and neither can he.

“Hey stupid,” you murmur quietly, shoving a notepad and pencil against his chest, “Happy birthday.”

Jisung gives you a bright smile, opens his mouth, and snaps it close mere moments later. Sixteenth birthday. Early in the morning. Tired grins. The fondness of being so disgustingly in love.

He can’t help but lean in and caves into the taste his soul has longed for as long as he can remember.

Two weeks have passed since Jisung has lost his voice.

Nothing has differed if you’re being completely honest. Han Jisung is still annoying. His lack of ability to speak doesn’t appear to be a problem to him at all. He loves chatting with people even though he’s more of a listener now. But with the small notepad you gave him a few days ago, being socially active is the norm for him even now.

Thanks to his rather short-period experiences of observing people’s expressions and how their features contort in certain ways when they’re feeling certain emotions, Jisung catches onto your mood more quickly during bad days to help you release your inner turmoil by scribbling down something stupid on the notepad. It’s kinda nice like this, you’d think to yourself sometimes.

Other times, you’re more scared that you might have forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“No wonder you got a fucking cold. Stop taking midnight showers already.”

You wave Jisung over when he closes the wooden door to your bedroom, droplets dripping from his hair as he scratches his stomach tiredly. His hair is a mess when he lazily crawls onto your bed, the cushion beside you dips slightly.

His index finger pointing at his post-shower head and a shit-eating grin are all you need to snatch the white towel around his neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you mumble while rubbing the cotton fabric into his hair, “But you’re awfully upbeat for someone who’s lost their voice. Can’t you at least pretend to be sad about it?”

A noise of protest escapes his throat like second nature as your eyes carefully read the quick movements of his mouth. “And can you not be so mean to someone who’s lost their voice?”

A faint smirk creeps its way up to your lips. “Still like me now?”

Jisung thinks hard for a few moments before jumping out of bed to snatch his notepad from your studying area. Of course, I like you. I like you a lot. Your heartbeat momentarily spikes at his scrawny handwriting. Just when your gaze is averted away to cool the blush on your cheeks, he tugs at your sleeve again and points at a different mess of scribbles. You’re more gentle when I’m like this. And you’d always find me if I ever got into trouble. What’s there for me to be sad about?

“Annoying little shit,” you swallow your pride and let him settle his head against your chest.

His presence melts into yours during the hardest hours of the twenty-four, heartbeats on heartbeats and warmth on warmth. Your one regret is that you’re unable to register his tears that night, only the incoherent, breathless hiccups almost as to desperately call out your name.

It’s been a month since Jisung’s lost his voice. And the night when he kisses you for the second time, his notepad is long forgotten next to your pillow.

I-can’t-talk. Give-me-a-break.

Jeongin. Cheesecake. Please? Pretty please?

I’ll fucking kick you.

Wait, there’s homework?!

...so you’re telling me LMAO isn’t how French people laugh?

“This is what you’ve been doing during breaks huh…” you mumble under your breath while lazily flipping through the papers. The occasional ‘I like you’-s do pop up every two pages or so, which is more than enough to make you smile like an idiot. But that is until a peculiar paragraph yanks your attention by its neck and tosses it against a brick wall.

Mom, promise me you’re not going to cry.

He made auntie cry?!

I lost my voice for real now but it wasn’t supposed to be like that at first. I just wanted to mess with Y/N and freak her out for a day.

I’m seriously going to punch him.

She was a lot softer toward me after that, you know. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I just can’t help being so happy. I’m sorry, mom. I really am.

Han Jisung you fucking idiot.

I was going to surprise her on my birthday by saying ‘good morning’ out loud but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

Guilt, anger, remorse take over you. You knew nothing of this. You never once questioned for a logical reason behind the loss of his voice and kept moving onward as if it’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t suspect it as a kind of prank, either. But you still care, all this time! You have been doing everything in your power as a way for both you and Jisung to treasure himself even if he can’t speak anymore.

I went to a check-up last week. Nothing came up. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

However, without fail, the obnoxious part of you will keep wandering back to the concept of soulmates that has been engraved so deeply into the society you’re living in. It makes no sense to you that Jisung lost his voice for no reason right before his sixteenth birthday. This explains it all now.

It’s going to be okay, mom. Because I have Y/N. I know she would come running toward my side over and over again even if she can’t hear me anymore. I really don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.

Jisung knew the penalty for being the first to exchange any words of love yet he still did it. And you were too busy overlooking that stupid pride of yours to say those three words back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to forget what I used to sound like. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

Jisung fixes the strap of his backpack, looking up at his mom after slipping into his sneakers. She ruffles his bed head and hands him a small white box with Jeongin’s bakery’s signature logo on it.

He tilts his head in faint confusion, peering at the box of pastry in his arms.

“Give it to Y/N on the bus, okay? Her parents aren’t home right now. You know how she would always skip breakfast when they’re out of town.”

His eyes light up instantly in realization and Jisung nods, preparing to bid her farewell. Just then, his front door comes flying open. It can’t be a mere acquaintance because there are very few people other than his parents and himself who know of the spare key hidden under the welcome mat.

As Jisung turns around, he’s keenly aware of your teary eyes already trained on him. Which in hindsight, makes no sense. As a result, panic rises within the hollowness of his chest, his lips falling agape but no coherent words come out.

“Y/N, sweetheart,” his mom flinches, slightly caught off guard, “Is everything okay?”

A scowl stretches over your contorted features as you shut the door loudly. “What the hell is this?” you question, shoving the familiar notepad into his chest. “A prank? A prank?! Do you think that this is funny?”

Jisung’s frantic eyes move to read the paper and every single color on his face drains tremendously. He easily recognizes the peculiar paragraph by how much lighter the ink is compared to the rest of the messy lines because his pen was running low and his hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Your voice.

His eyes avert back to look at you. His brows furrow timidly and shaky breaths burst from his lips almost like a desperate cry for help. There’s too much he wants to say, too many things to explain, and too many questions running through his head that he can’t process what to do next. He might just overwhelm both you and himself.

I need to hear it again.

And you might not stay by his side this time.

“Okay, don’t answer me then, I guess,” you chuckle lowly, dipping your head and turning around.

Jisung grabs at your sleeve instinctively and drops the pastry box, his gaze empty and all too knowing. Sorrow glazes over his starry eyes when it starts becoming hard to breathe properly. The outlines of his lips are moving non-stop yet nothing comes following after that.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you rasp out and tug at his hand. Then it hits you. He’s like this because of you. Jisung lost his voice because of you.

His mom cuts into the conversation, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry, auntie,” you smile sadly and take off running into the streets.

You, in the midst of your self-loathing and guilt, allow your feet to go wherever they want as your vision spirals into a blur. A single droplet threatens to fall when a forceful hand yanks you back to reality.

It takes Jisung a moment to regain his regular breathing pace. And when he finally gets it, all he can do is call out to you with the same inaudible sounds and the same desperation in his eyes. It seems as though he’s fully aware that the prank was the stupidest, most irrational thing he’s ever done. But there’s more to the ocean within his eyes than just remorse.

“I already told you,” you clench your jaw and slap his hand away, “I don’t fucking know what you’re saying!”

A deep sigh. “Why am I mad? Of course, I’d be mad! It’s because of me that you lost your voice! It’s because I like you, too! Yet I never said it back… You lost your voice because of me! Don't you get it? Why can't you just hate me for the sake of it?!”

You miss his voice. You miss it a lot.

You want to hear it again. You want to hear him call you by your name. You want to stay up late and talk about anything to the ends of the Earth and back with him. You want him to be the obnoxious, chatty Han Jisung you've always known.

You miss how annoyingly loud he is.

“Y-Y...Y/N…!”

Jisung collapses onto his knees, a hand on concrete while the other is on his neck. His chest rises and falls unevenly, muffled noises of discomfort echoing deep down from his throat. Despite that, what you heard just now, is his voice.

“Answer me when I call your name. So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“I promised you, didn’t I,” you spread your arms and smile warmly, “That I’d always answer when you call my name. As long as I can still hear you, I will come running toward you over and over again. Doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter where you are.”

Jisung lifts his head and tears come rolling down on his cheeks. His throat feels swollen when he stutters with difficulties, trying to convey what’s in his head, “Y-Y/N, don’t- don’t go! Please don’t leave me...!”

“Come here,” you close your eyes with the widest grin on your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Only when Jisung grows closer and throws his arms around you, sobbing into your uniform do you convince yourself that all of this isn’t a hallucination. The hug is a lot stronger than what you’d expect. First of all, you nearly fell over from the impact and your arms are pinned so tightly to your sides that you feel like your ribs are going to snap.

Everything is so overwhelming that all you can say is, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair and loosens his arms a bit so you can loop your hands to the nape of his neck and hair.

“You’re so annoying, Han Jisung.”

He purses his lips, sniffling, “You tried to make me snap on purpose. Meanie.”

You quirk a playful brow, “Still like me now?”

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles, “A lot.”

Because he knows that he has you. Until every last star in the galaxy explodes as a supernova, Jisung has you.

[dancingdanvers]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [CAROLINE JAYME]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [BRITT ROBERTSON]. You must be the [TWENTY EIGHT] year old [EVENT PLANNER]. Word is you’re [LOYAL] but can also be a bit [PEDANTIC] and your favorite song is [THE SHOW - LENKA]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

[[ Cancer mention tw]]

Thanks to Caroline’s father being English, the girl was born in London after her mother moved there to live with him. They’d been married for five years when they found out she was expecting a baby and even though that was known to bring two people together it only drove Mr and Mrs Jayme apart, escalating into loud frequent rows until he walked out on them not long after Caroline’s sixth birthday. 

The woman took her husband’s leaving incredibly hard but after two further years of living in England she decided the best thing to do was return to her hometown of Aurora Bay with her young daughter to be closer to what she knew and around the people she’d grown up with. 

The move made Carrie very nervous, going to a place she’d never been in her life, she clung onto her mother even more than she did before. A mommy’s girl through and through the girl already considered the woman her best friend, she was effectively her mini me. To cope with the transatlantic move she started to read even more than she already did, escaping into fictional worlds where she could be instantly transported wherever she wanted to be. It was a way for her to cope with her anxiety which was something she’d always suffered with but was only made worse by the significant life changes that had been inflicted on her. 

Life passed uneventfully for the next ten years as Carrie made her way through school, a naturally academic girl, she did well in most of her classes and while she didn’t have a huge number of friends she had a those she trusted the most which worked for her. Loyal in nature trust was very important to her, the social intricacies of high school especially left her utterly baffled. Not understanding why so much judgment was passed over what someone wore or what they did or did not have, not seeing the attraction of cheerleading or football as something to be revered. Finding it pretty boring on the whole. 

Caroline was twenty five when her mother got sick. The cancer was already stage three when the doctors discovered it during what was meant to be a routine physical, and less than a year later she had passed away leaving Carrie all alone. Never having had any siblings and her father no longer in contact with his only child, she’d lost her only family as well as her best friend all at the same time. It wasn’t something she dealt with very well, going out a little more than she usually did, drinking to try to cope. Not too much but since she’d never really been one for alcohol before that it would easily go to her head, allowing her to fall asleep a little more easily. 

One night stands were something the blonde had never had before so when she did have her first with Gavin Carrigan the last thing she could have imagined in a million years would that it would result in her falling pregnant with his child. Effectively a stranger she didn’t have any concept of how to communicate the information with him, tell him she was pregnant, so instead she just left town. Avoiding having to do it altogether by moving entirely, selling her family home which felt like it was ripping a void inside her as she did. Caroline headed to the East Coast to live with some friends from collage, choosing to stay there even after she gave birth to her son Hindley Jayme, named after the character from Wuthering Hights which had for a long time been one of her favourite books. It was also possible that she’d subconsciously remembered from the one night they spent together that Gavin was into music, the song Wuthering Hights by Kate Bush being one of Carrie’s other favourite things, but it was also possible this was entirely a coincidence. 

Offered a well paying job as an event planner in a company run by a long time friend of her mother’s back in Aurora Bay the logical side of Caroline knew that she had to take it. It would allow for her to provide for her son easier, not to mention the guilt she’d been feeling over the last couple of years keeping the little boy from Gavin when he was almost a mini version of his father to look at, drove her back to the town. Getting them an apartment at Ocean Crest she holds the dream in her heart of being able to buy back the home she shared with her mom, but for now she was happy just trying to find her footing once more in the town she had called home for so long. 

Sweet, a little nervous, pedantic, the kind of person who zones in on tiny details (which works well for her job but less well in her general life), Caroline is honestly the kind of person who is just trying to do her best. Trying to juggle being a first time single mom as well as working a full time job, while all the time not crumbling under the various life pressures that everyone has to deal with. Her son is the apple of her eye, there is no one Carrie dotes on more, but that also means she spends a lot of time worrying about him. However she is growing in confidence as a mom as time passes. A big reader, lover of baking, very type A in the way she chooses to work, you’ll never find her using the calendar on her phone, instead choosing always to use a paper diary to keep track of what was going on in her life. With Hindley at  nursery three mornings a week those are the times she’s using to rediscover who she is as a person outside of being a mother which is actually something she’s really enjoying.