#the whole Newark scene fucks because of it really

[jerseymuppet]

the chemical in my chemical romance that makes them Fuck so hard is the same chemical that makes ny bagels so delicious. york water. and estrogen

[tyforthevnm]

Interview with Livewire Online - My Chemical Romance

Posted November 12, 2003

KM, CC, JS Another thing to add to my "What Punk Isn't" List: being an asshole.

I got into punk rock because I wasn't accepted anywhere else and it was a place where everyone was accepted for who they were and what they wanted to be and to go there and make that a scene thats scary for kids to come to, being elitists about that, just defeats the whole purpose. So don't be an asshole.

LW: This is your 3rd night on the tour? Gerard: Uhh.....4th LW: Ah, ok, so how's it been so far? All: Awesome Ray: It's been cool cause Philly hasn't always been the best but... Frank: Yeah, we've always sucked it up in Philly. Gerard: Yeah, kids aren't too keen on us here but... LW: The first night on this tour was a full house at the 9:30 in DC. How does that compare to he smaller club tour with Piebald? Gerard: Piebald tour was really awesome cause...it wasn't necessarily a full house every night but the nights that it was and the nights that the kids were really good and responsive were almost magical, you know? Frank: It was cool cause there were smaller venues too, so it was more intimate. Ray: There were shows that had 70 people tops, like St. Louis. Mikey: Yeah, that one night there were like 30. Ray: Yeah and still every show was just fun. Less people, but definitely cool. LW: How have people reacted to you guys on this tour so far? Matt: Really good. Gerard: They wanna dance and have fun, you know? Mikey: Yeah, we dig the crowds that wanna have fun. LW: How do you respond to negative criticism? Frank: Bring it! Matt: We actually like it. Gerard: Yeah, especially hecklers, we like hecklers. It gives us more to do... Frank: But if you heckle a band, right? And the band is like, "Ok, why don't you come up and say that?", don't say it when they turn their back. Don't not say anything while they're facing you. That really sucks and you're a pussy. But if you're gonna heckle somebody, heckle them as hard as you would if they fucking talked to you. Ray: Yeah, if you say somethin and we're like, "Come up here and get killed", and you don't do that, like... LW: So Ray, your 80's Session guitar, how reliable is it on the road? Ray: I think in...Charlotte...it fell off the stage and busted in half basically. It probably can be fixed but I haven't gotten around to it. I've been playing Frank's, no, Mikey's SG and I actually like it better. It's a lot lighter but I do miss my Session guitar. LW: Do you guys like to experiment with vintage equipment in the studio that you wouldn't otherwise use on tour? Matt: We haven't had the chance. Gerard: Yeah, we can't afford it. Matt: On the record we did play with one vintage bass but that's about it. Frank: If you wanna, like, let us borrow one for recording feel free to do that. LW: You guys list a lot of 80's bands as influences, what are you into now? Gerard: The same bands. LW: I mean, like recent bands. Matt: Recover, Alkaline Trio Mikey: I like the new Doves a lot, the new Zwan record... Frank: Glassjaw LW: You kinda look like Billy Corgan. Gerard: Actually the very first time we played the Electric Factory, we got a review in Revolver that said I looked like the creepy son of Billy Corgan or something like that. It was a good review though. Mikey: Yeah, you look like how Jakob Dylan looks like his dad, you look like that with Billy Corgan. LW: Jakob Dylan is hotter than his dad so that's sort of a compliment. Mikey: Yeah, it is. Matt: He kept his hair. Frank: Have you seen Bob Dylan lately? They need to whell him out, he's dead. I think he's dead and no one's saying anything. LW: What do you think about your local scene? Gerard: Can't wait to go back to it. Frank: Ahh, Jersey. LW: Where in Jersey are you from? Frank: Newark. LW: Oh, ok. I'm from Cherry Hill. Frank: Oh really? Listen to Bombshelter Productions.They're really good. Gerard: Yeah, we're doing a hall show with Bombshelter... Ray: February 28. Gerard: Yeah, February 28. Frank: Big Wig... Mikey: We're gonna try to do those as many times as possible. LW: Yeah, its fun to see a local band come back and play a show. Gerard: It sucks cause because, it's like we, fuckin like almost wasted away too early in really big shows and we didn't play enough of the halls. Like, I can count on 2 hands probably, the number of halls we played. It sucks. And basements. Our best shows have been at colleges, halls, and basements. We've had a couple great shows on big stages, you know, but that barricade, thats fuckin shit. The fact that we're all 10 feet above... Frank: I dunno how you got through that monitor, dude. I thought I was gonna bust my ass. Ray: Well, I scoped it out before... Gerard: I tested it out before too, but, I was still like, "Fuck this!" Frank: DC was fine, like, it wasn't that far but I still didn't like the barricade. LW: The TLA down on South Street is better. Frank: I wanna play there! Ray: Do they still have barricades up like that? LW: They still have barricades but the stage is lower so you can see everything a lot better. LW: How did you guys get hooked up with Eyeball? Gerard: I had known Alex for years and he made a big policy not to sign friends' bands, and we were friends for years so I didn't think he would sign us but he saw us at like our 3rd show and he was like, "Dude, why don't you just come be part of the family? We can make it work". And we did. And it's pretty cool. LW: This lineup's been together since 2002? Gerard: Yeah, Frankie hopped on right before we recorded the record. Frank: I was in a band that was on Eyeball before. Matt: Yeah, so we used to play together. Gerard: They helped start us. LW: How important are sales stats to you? Do you get any pressure from your label? Frank: Pshhh... Gerard: That's one of the best parts about being on Eyeball: they don't give a shit. We always try to be successful and we want the music out there, that's the most important thing. Like, sound scanning doesn't mean shit to us, anything like stats doesn't mean anything to us. When we get to a venue or a city and we show up and we get on stage and we see all these kids sing along, that's how we know. Ray: Its not like a piece of paper that says 39 or 10 or whatever, it's the kids. Matt: They can all go get if off the internet anyway so why even care, you know? LW: I was going to ask that next. What about the availability of your music on the internet? Frank: Get it however you can! Gerard: I feel that like bands that are really small at the indie level, and labels that are at that level that are struggling, you should support them. Download it, if you like it, go buy it. Ray: Anything though, go to a show and buy some merch. Frank: We'd rather you come see us live. Mikey: I love the artwork, like album covers and the linear notes, like how can you get a stack of cds that say like... Gerard: Sharpieee Frank: I'm such a collector of music that I need the cover art, so I mean, like, go steal it... LW: What are your plans for the next release? Do you have any ideas production or material-wise? Frank: The first song we played... Gerard: The first track that we opened with is pretty much going to be the track that summarizes the whole record. It's a concept about revenge. We're taking March off just to write. We're not going into the studio anytime soon but we have all this music in us from the last 6 months and we wanna get it down so maybe we'll start playin some of this newer stuff out live. We wanna support this record. LW: Are you looking forward to Skate & Surf? All: Yeah! Frank: Oh yeah. Andrew WK! We met him last night. Ray: That was awesome. Frank: He wore tight green sweatpants and flannel and, uh, a big hat. I love that guy. LW: Do you have any other big festivals planned? What else are you doing this year? Gerard: Europe. Reading Festival. Mikey: The one that, like, Oasis always plays. LW: What goals have you accomplished this year? Gerard: Everything we wanted to and more. Frank: We've been so lucky it's not even funny. Gerard: It was me and Mikey's personal goal to play in Irving Plaza. We did that last night...and the night before. Every single goal. To have a record out, we did it, play in front of as many people as possible... Matt: Play Warped Tour Gerard: I think Warped Tour is the only thing left that we all sat around and said, "Hey, we wanna do this." Frank: So as soon as that happens, we're done! Matt: We can just stop. LW: So that's the only major thing left? All: No... Gerard: I dunno what we're striving for. I personally...we're striving to get it out to as many people as possible. Have that energy that we're putting out spit back at us. And to create really great moments when we play instead of us just, "Hey, we're a band you've never heard of, come check us out". I wanna get past that. That's my personal goal. LW: Have you faced any big challenges so far? Gerard: Getting used to touring. I mean that's the hardest thing any band has to do and once they get over that hump and get used to it they can really do whatever they want. I mean, a touring band is the kind of band that reaches people. MP3's don't reach people, getting out there reaches people. LW: As a band, how have you changed since the beginning? Gerard: A lot! Matt: We got Frankie! Frank: I got skinnier, we don't eat on tour. Gerard: [pointing at Ray] He's got an afro now! We got way more violent on stage. We're not trying to bring a violent message...it's not so much violence as a release of positive and negative energy. That causes accidents sometimes. LW: Where do you see yourselves heading in the future? Frank: Creating an MCR universe... Ray: A little MCR world. Gerard: I dunno, doin what we're doin now, touring. Frank: Reaching as many kids as possible and just... Matt: It's hard to tell cause we were just seein this in the near future, and it's hard to even think what's after this. Gerard: Yeah, I dunno what's after this. Frank: You don't know how lucky we've been. We've been together for a year. It's so silly, it's fuckin silly. We're really appreciative. I'm still collecting applications for Burger King... LW: If you had to write a State-of-the-Union-address-style speech about popular music, what would your main points be? Ray: Oh boy. Do it Frankie. Matt: Kill it! Mikey: I mean, there's nothin wrong with pop music. It's all the songs that everyone listens to when nobody's around, you know? Everybody loves that shit, so if you say you don't like it, you're fuckin lying. Everyone loves the new Justin Timberlake song and if you don't you're probably lying. Frank: I'm sick and fucking tired of people not writing their own goddam songs and getting on the radio and pretending like they're...like they know what's up. And, like, I'm tired of all that. I'm tired of bands that totally suck and kids buyin their t-shirts and being like, "Oh, this is what punk is" or "This is what hardcore is". And all these people don't know or care what it's all about or anything like that and I'm really psyched for real music and honest music to come out. Like Thursday. Bands like The Ghost, Sleep Station, Midtown, AFI. Bands that mean it, that have been there, that kids don't even know about and all these bands like Good Charlotte and Sum 41 and all these fuckin shit pop bands out there are influenced by these bands and rip them off. Matt: Or their writers rip them off. Frank: And no one fucking cares. I dunno, I'm really waiting for all this shit to be destroyed and that's one of my goals too. To get up there and if I get 10 kids to not buy Sum 41 cds and actually get into real music, like buy a Refused cd, please. If I can do that, then I'll feel like I've done something. And that's the way I feel about that! LW: Feel better? Frank: Little bit. Yeah. LW: Is there anything else we didn't touch on that you wanna share? Frank: Yes! Support indie scenes, support your local scene, support local bands! Put on a show. Do something. Write a letter to your fuckin asshole president who is bombing innocent people for no reason. Just make a difference. Cause one person can do something. If you just sit back and pretend, like, you know, like, "Oh it's not my problem" or "I can't do anything about it", you're just adding to the bullshit. And don't talk shit about things you don't know about, like, bands like Thursday and Midtown and bands that are comin out that worked their asses off to get stuff. People call them sellouts because they got success. There's a fine line between selling out and success. Don't you think it'd be better to hear Thursday on the radio than Creed? Seriously. This is our scene, all of ours, support it! Don't fuck up venues. Don't be an asshole. It's not punk rock to be an asshole. And another thing. If you go to shows just to kick somebody's ass, you're stupid, you're a jock and you're fuckin ruining everything. I got into punk rock because I wasn't accepted anywhere else and it was a place where everyone was accepted for who they were and what they wanted to be and to go there and make that a scene thats scary for kids to come to, being elitists about that, just defeats the whole purpose. So don't be an asshole. LW: What do you have to say about the bashing that Midtown gets for the whole, uh, thing? Frank: Fuck you! Do you have any clue what happened with that? No! You have no clue dude. Seriously. Not that it's a situation to even be made known, but you don't know what they went through cause it's no one's fuckin business. And trust me. They worked for everything they've gotten.

[1985music]

Assembly of the Gods

Twon, If you're reading this it's too late my G. 

I'm never sure where to begin with these stories. Y'all remember when Nas spit a whole story backwards? Nevermind forget it. 

The year is 2013, I believe, and it's a rainy night in the fall. My boy Robbie Maxx drags my wife and I to a Meek Mill show in Teaneck NJ, just to peep the scene. The parking lot is a mad house of course. We had to wait in line and shit, which wasn't the vibe. We finally get in the spot, it's already packed and the opening acts are doing their thing. This one performer caught my attention. This short, energetic kid with his squad on stage with him screaming, "UPPERCLASS!". The young boy with the name "TWON" gleaming off his hat was spitting some fire with no fear or nervousness to a sold-out crowd in his hometown. Pretty dope performance overall. Soon after his exit from the stage Meek would come out and make is presence known. I knew that wasn't the last time I'd see or hear from that Twon guy. 

Some months later Maxx would headline a show at this spot called Mexicali Live (Debonair Lounge) and guess who he throws on the bill? You guessed it, TWONDON. It had been a while since I last saw the kid and this go-around the music was a bit different. He performed and did his thing much like the first time I saw him. He was chopping it up with his fans/supporters after his performance, so I had to wait to talk to him. I hate that sh*t. I was able to properly introduce myself and extend the invitation to collab. I'll admit our first encounter wasn't the greatest. It's always weird when a ni**a that doesn't know you tries to strike a conversation. He'll tell you. Although he knew of me as being Maxx's producer/engineer up until this point we hadn't had any extensive interaction. We exchanged info and that was that. He wasn't trying to hear anything I had to say that night though.

 Now it's 2014, I was floating around to different events in NYC. One in particular was a private album release party for Mobb Deep (RIP Prodigy). I want to say it was their last album, "The Infamous Mobb Deep." I'm coolin' in the spot for a little bit and guess who I bump in to? Of course, Twondon. The first thing he says to me is, "Damn B, you get around". At this point this ni**a finally realizes he can't escape the God. This time we got a chance to really chop it up. He mentioned to me he was looking for a new spot to record and a good engineer. I had to get my boy right. The first track we recorded together was, "Life's a Bitch" featuring AZ. I remember Twon asking me, "Yo B, can you somehow scratch in the Acapella of AZ from Nas' "Life's a Bitch"?” and explained how he wanted it to cut in and out of the hook. I remember thinking to myself, "This ni**a has no clue this my f**king BAG." To make a long story short my execution of what he requested was flawless. In past interviews Twon has mentioned that "Life's a Bitch" was when he found "His sound."

 Soon after Twon would make 1985 Sound Studio in Belleville, NJ his new home for recording. By this time I had already mixed a few singles for him including "4th and Inches" and "Run It" featuring Bizzy Crook and slew of others. There's this on-going thing where he'll say some sh*t like "Yo B, make me sound icy" and somehow I know what he means everytime. He also connected me with a few artists he knew including a young lyricist by the name of Dolla $ign Dunn who I continue to help with developing his sound as well. In the early stages of creating with Twon he had already had a lot of his beats picked out so he didn't really need me for production. I was just helping to cultivate that Upperclass sound through my mixing and mastering techniques. It wasn't until mid 2015 that discussions of his debut EP "Stay Golden" began to take shape. 

After a session one day Twon asked me about a beat I was creating on my ipad that I previewed on Instagram I think. No stories back then this was all timeline action. He said "That beat sound like me." 

I didn't think anything of it, I looped up the beat, added a few more elements to it and gave it up. No charge. That was the birth of the first single "Too Committed". He sat on the beat for a short time and came back to the studio and laid the 1st verse and the hook. Later on he told me that Smoke DZA would be blessing the record and executive producing the album "Stay Golden." 

"TWON!!? Antwon!! Wake your black ass up it's 1 in the afternoon..."   -Gloria's Intro (Mama Twondon) 

Twondon's “Stay Golden” album was released December 8, 2015, a day after my 30th Birthday. I was in Vegas my ni**a. The project was well received. The song "Million Dollar Babies" off that project racked up 600,000+ streams on Spotify alone. The whole roll-out for that project was dope. I go back and listen to that project sometimes and I love the way it sounds. It sounds just like the title, "Golden." So much work went into it and I enjoyed every minute of it. There are 10 mixes on "Too Committed" alone. Occasionally I will hear my wife bumping "All the Above." She's also partially responsible for placing "Too Committed" in the Indie film "King of Newark" (2016) 

After the success of that project we continued to create and build. The last few years I've watched Twondon evolve from rapper/lyricist to clothing designer to all-around entrepreneur. Yeah man, my boy was making clothes. I had to support him because the Upperclass Intl. collections were dope, simple as that. Every collection is limited pieces, so if you miss it for the week it's available it's over. His system is untouchable to say the least. He'll give you some dope music and then turn around and give you some fresh clothes. Young Nipsey traits for sure. The one piece I missed out on was this navy blue Upperclass hoodie he dropped. Still salty about that. He know. 

The inception of "God Complex" 

Summer of 2016 I locked in with my brother Josh. He would come to the crib on random days and cook up. Lay hooks, make beats etc. One of the hooks he laid was on "F**k What They Tryna Say," we both knew it was special. He laid it down and we never revisted it. Typical Josh sh*t. He's just a legendary soul. He's different. 

2017 I relocated to Atlanta. Twondon and I would maintain our working relationship and brother-hood from a far. We would send sessions back and forth, long ass facetime calls and sh*t. I would send beats sometimes and I stumbled across that joint "F**k What They Tryna Say" again, so I sent it to him. He didn't have anything in his catalog like it at the time. He wrote to it in about 45 minutes maybe less and sent me voice notes of the verses he had. Just undeniable flame. Since he didn't have a studio to record in at the time, I arranged to shoot back to Jersey to handle some business and record his verses. We linked up at a Sheraton I was staying at in Weehawken NJ overlooking New York City. I set up my laptop and microphone, we had some "God-Talk" and we got to work. Needless to say this record "Fuck What They Tryna Say" is about to be 4 years old by the time you guys hear it. Timeless vibes. Around the time we recorded that song I was still dealing with the indelible aftermath of my own personal police misconduct situation. It's documented that US Police had already shot and killed 72+ unarmed black males from 2015-2017. The numbers continue to rise. The message in that song is powerful, heavy and very clear, Fuck what they tryna say. We're not naive to what's happening in our communities, but as you can see we still thrive anyway. So we dont give a f**k what yall talking about. Plain and simple. 

"The skeletons in the closet is rising, the truth is louder than ever they kill us and televise it..." "FWTTS" - Twondon (feat Josh.GLPA) 

These last few years have made me realize how important the artist-engineer and artist-producer relationship really is. We've gotten so good at separating our business and personal lives that when this guy hits my line and simply says, "Mr. Ross," my response is normaly "Mr. Gibbs?”, I know something is coming. Would you believe we've spent the last 7 years developing his sound to what you hear today? I've mixed and mastered over 30 songs, 3 albums and 3 EPs for Twondon thus far. So many email threads, text messages, phone calls and overtime to bring to life that Upperclass sound you know him for. “God Complex” is just a cornerstone of what we've been able to build together on this journey of ours. Songs like “199$” and “Trips Up North,” are the creative by-product of our extensive conversations about life, man-hood, spirituality and how we are limitless in our thinking and resilient in what we pursue. We are Gods in our own right. Like Ye said, "I just told you who I thought I was, a God". Just respect it. Hope you enjoy this masterpiece. More music on the way. It's Upperclass ̡ 

Written by Brandon "Plan B '85" Ross 1985 Music 

Stream/Buy God Complex NOW

http://smarturl.it/GODCOMPLEXPACK

[citrinekay]

Prompt, for later: Bill and Holden are together for quite some time and keep it secret. One day Bill gets an invitation to a wedding with his +1, but he can't bring Holden so he throws it out. Holden finds it and tries to convince Bill to go alone, but Bill is adamant. Later he confesses to Wendy he wishes he could marry Holden. She describes marriage as a financial contract, BUT is secretly a romantic, so she tells him that even if marriage is impossible, he can propose and make his vows.

Ok I am taking a brief break from my long fic because I have not stopped thinking about this prompt since I got it. The gay yearning in this … i can’t 😭 Thank you, and here you go 💕: 

The invitation comes on crisp, eggshell white stationary with watercolor lilacs and gold calligraphy lettering. It’s addressed to Bill, but at the bottom in the delicate, cursive lettering, it suggests he bring a plus one when RSVPing to help the two celebrate a day of “love that’s meant to be.” 

He finds it between his water bill and a piece of junk mail, and almost immediately throws it in the garbage. It’s not that he doesn’t want to attend his old pal’s wedding. He knew the guy way back in the day when the BSU was first founded. Though they haven’t kept up over the years, Bill knows what kind of person he is - and who else will be at the wedding. A whole lot of FBI good ol’ boys, relics of the Hoover system, the principled type who would have undoubtedly thrown a fit if they knew Holden took “fellatio” and “cunnilingus” off the list of deviant terminology. Guys who would take one look at Bill bringing Holden as his plus one, and draw all kinds of conclusions - every single one of them correct. 

The invitation sails into the garbage can on top of a paper plate spattered with day old ketchup. 

Later that evening, Holden comes over with carry-out from the burger joint down the road, and a case of beer. Once they’ve gorged themselves on burgers and fries and shared two beers, Holden is snuggled up in his arms, half falling asleep while the television plays The Godfather. 

The wedding theme is following him, Bill thinks. Maybe it’s the universe trying to tell him something. 

He glances down at Holden’s flushed cheek nestled against his chest, his dark eyelashes shielding Bill from a glimpse of his pretty blue eyes. His hair is a tousled mess from Bill running his fingers through it, and the puckered swell of his lower lip has the same affect on him that always does: a deep, magnetic urge to kiss Holden senseless. 

Bill glances back at the television screen, trying to focus his attention back on the film. He’s been through love and marriage, buying a house together, having a kid, all the normal things that are expected - or rather readily accessible - to a heterosexual couple. It’s confetti, icing on a cake when the batter would have been satisfying enough. He doesn’t need all that. What they have between them, secretly is good enough even if Bill can never take Holden as his plus one to a wedding, or walk down the aisle towards him in their own celebration of love meant to be. 

He’s usually pretty good at giving himself a pep talk and moving on. This time, it doesn’t stick. He can’t bury his feelings, but he should have at least burned the invitation. 

A few days later, they’re getting ready for work in the morning. Bill is standing over the kitchen counter drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper while Holden uses the blender to mix a smoothie. As the whir of the blender dies down, Holden turns to Bill with a curious gaze. 

“Is everything okay with you?” 

“What?” Bill asks, looking up from the paper. “Yeah. Why?”

“You’ve been quiet the past few days.” 

“I have?” 

“Yes.” Holden says, pouring out his smoothie into a glass. He takes a sip, leaving a milky line on his upper. 

“You’ve got some …” Bill mutters, leaning over to kiss the smoothie off Holden’s mouth. 

Holden leans into him, sighing into the kiss. He chuckles as he pulls his mouth away. “Hey, don’t change the subject.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are.” Holden objects, freeing himself from Bill’s embrace.

“Holden, I’m fine. Really. I’m just tired.”

Holden stares him down for a moment before spinning around, and marching over to the side table where Bill keeps his bills in order. He pulls a slip of paper from the bottom of the stack, and holds it up. 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with this?” 

Bill recognizes the ketchup-stained wedding invitation almost immediately. He sputters in disbelief for a moment before scraping together a defensive retort. “First of all, you’re going through my trash?” 

“It was sitting right on top.” Holden says, “Isn’t Jim a really old friend of yours?”

“Yes.” Bill says, tersely. 

“Then why are you throwing out his wedding invitation?”

Bill presses his fingertips to the bridge of his nose, trying to quell his frustration. “Because.” 

“Because why?” Holden presses, “Because it says plus one on here?”

Bill opens his eyes, casting Holden a narrowed gaze. Holden stares back at him with an expectant look, waiting for an explanation. 

“Look, I’m probably not going to be able to attend anyway.” Bill says, “We’re out of town half of the time, and the other half we’re way too busy to be-”

“It’s on a Saturday.” 

“I know, but it’s all the way in Newark and-”

“You could make time.” 

Bill turns back to his newspaper, swallowing down a hot drink of coffee. It burns the back of his throat where an agitated knot is beginning to form. 

“I don’t know why you fucking care.” He says, “Jim is my friend, and if I don’t want to go then that’s my business.” 

Holden sighs, sounding a little wounded. “Fine. But I wouldn’t be upset if you went alone. I understand how it would look.” 

“It isn’t that.” Bill says, sharply. “I don’t care what those people think of me.”

“Yes, you do.” Holden says, softly. “Every time you touch me you’re breaking the law.” 

Bill looks up from the mass of little, black letters printed uniformly across the newspaper. His chest stings against the raw truth of what Holden is saying. The law is against them in every way, and they’re flirting with danger every time they so much as hold hands under the table in a restaurant. And to think, Bill had indulged himself in dreaming of Holden in a white chapel, his hair combed back and gleaming in the light, his chest sprouting with wedding day flowers. 

“I’m sorry.” Holden says, “That was …”

“No, you’re right.” Bill says, “Come here.”

Holden lays the invitation down, and shuffles across the kitchen to Bill’s outstretched arm. Bill curls his arm around Holden’s neck, drawing him close to his chest. 

Pressing a kiss to Holden’s temple, he whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I would tell the world that if I could.”

Holden nods against his chest, his voice meek and muffled, “I know.” 

After a few silent moments, they slowly break away from one another to continue getting ready for work. Conversation is stifled as they kiss as the front door, and go their separate ways to their cars. 

Bill doesn’t see much of Holden for the rest of the day. They’re slammed with requests from police precincts, both of them up to their ears in piles of crime scene photos and profiles. 

Bill thinks that it might be best to create some distance. The exchange this morning felt like some kind of argument that they don’t know how to resolve, not a fundamental issue with one another but rather with their situation. It’s not a riddle to solve or a behavior to analyze. There’s no understanding the way he feels about Holden, no moral resolution he can slot them into to convince himself that it’s okay. It just is. The way the sky is blue and the grass is green, he wants Holden in every way possible, only he can’t have it. It seems like a design flaw in the universe. They shouldn’t be mad with each other, but who else is there to be angry with for giving them this beautiful thing that’s constantly under threat of extinction? 

At the end of the day, Holden pokes his head into Bill’s office. 

“I’m about to leave for the day.” He says, “You coming?”

“I’m going to finish this up.” Bill says, motioning to the profile in front of him. 

Holden’s mouth purses in a line meant to hide his disappointment, but it shines clearly through his eyes. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Holden says, his gaze dropping towards the floor. “Bye.” 

He turns to leave, and almost runs into Wendy who is on her way into Bill’s office. They exchange muttered goodbyes before Wendy slips past him into the office. 

“I was just bringing you the application list.” She says, setting the folder on his desk. “You can look at it tomorrow.” 

“Thanks.” Bill mutters, barely looking up from his notebook where his notes are scattered in nearly illegible chicken scratch. 

Wendy pauses across the desk from him, her hands clasped in front of her. 

“Was there something else?” He asks, taking his reading glasses off to meet her gaze. 

“Is Holden okay?” She asks, her gaze reserved yet calculated. 

“As far as I know.” 

“He looked upset just now.” 

Bill leans back in his chair, and lets out a sigh. He hesitates to tell Wendy their personal business, but she’s about the only person he trusts to unload on. 

“Yeah, we um … we had a … I don’t know what you’d call it - disagreement - this morning.” 

“Ah.” Wendy says, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Bill glances away. He instinctively reaches for his cigarettes to soothe his nerves. 

Wendy closes the door of the office, and comes back to take the chair across from him. She crosses her legs, and folds her hands patiently in her lap. 

“An old buddy of mine is getting married.” Bill says, focusing on the tip of his cigarette catching flame. “I got the invitation the other day.”

“Okay.” Wendy says, slowly. 

“I threw it away.” Bill says, taking drag of his cigarette, and tilting his head back to exhale smoke towards the ceiling. “Holden found it in the trash.”

Wendy’s head tilts to one side as she quietly analyzes this information. 

Bill sighs, and shakes his head. “I don’t know. I thought I didn’t want to go because it said on the invitation that I should bring a plus one, and I know I can’t take Holden to that kind of thing. But, then he said something to me that …”

“What’s that?” Wendy asks, softly. 

Bill stares at the singed tip of his cigarette, feeling the lump returning. He clears his throat against it, and pushes on, “Every time I touch him, I’m breaking the law.”

Wendy is quiet for a moment, absorbing the remark. “Is that how you feel?” 

Bill glances up at her, a frown knitting his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Does it feel criminal?” She asks, “When you touch him.” 

“No.” Bill whispers, “It feels … right. And, I suppose I didn’t realize it until he said it that the reason I didn’t want to go is because I don’t want to watch someone else get a second chance at marrying the love of their life when I don’t.” 

“Your friend is remarrying?”

“Yeah.” Bill says, scoffing. “A third time, actually. I know for a fact he cheated on his ex-wife. So I guess it feels a little wrong that he gets to marry whoever the fuck he feels like, and I-”

He glances away, rubbing a hand over his mouth. Saying it aloud makes the truth of it burn worse, right down into his chest like acid. 

“It is unfair.” Wendy says, “Heterosexual men and women get to abuse the constitution of marriage with impunity while you and I are left with the only thing we have - our privacy, a thing we must protect with our lives. At times, it feels like a struggle just to survive, and that very few people will ever understand what we experience every day.” 

“So, what you’re saying is I shouldn’t isolate myself from Holden?” Bill asks, scoffing past the lump in his throat. “You’re probably right. I should apologize.”

“Yes, I’m saying that. But I’m saying something else, too.” Wendy says, smiling gently. “I’m saying that homosexuality has existed for centuries. It’s older than modern religion, and it’s much, much older than our government and their laws. Marriage, in the traditional sense, is a gathering and a celebration of two people who love each other very much. It isn’t defined by a courthouse or a piece of paper.” 

Bill meets Wendy’s gaze, a smile tugging at his mouth. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“I had a lot of gay friends in Boston.” Wendy says, “They had marriage ceremonies all the time. Proposals, rings, vows, all of it. Perhaps it wasn’t valid in the eyes of the law, but that isn’t what mattered. It wasn’t a legal contract to them. It was a display of commitment and loyalty to someone they loved very much.” 

“Wow.” Bill says, “That’s incredible.” 

Wendy nods, and rises to her feet. “It’s not beyond your reach. Think about it.” 

“I will. Thanks.” 

She smiles, softly. “Have a good night, Bill.” 

“You too.” 

She slips out of the office, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Her words settle in slowly, past his frustrations at the injustices of the world. The clamor dies down, his emotions boiling down to one thing, one certainty - he loves Holden, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with him. Beyond that, the rest is melting away, inconsequential details, a few obstacles but none that he can’t hurdle. 

Bill jumps up from his chair, leaving his cigarette half-smoked in the ashtray. The jewelry shop will be closing soon.

[xxx420swagatron69xxx]

30 Song Challenge

Im not doing 30 days of this so here it is all at once. Enjoy and message me if you actually listen to them, I wanna hear how people like this music,

https://open.spotify.com/user/brunotech69/playlist/5qZfg7ML5vJHF5fR6uuXgE?si=RaUsUp5zQEWksu3WElLhlg

(Two youtube only songs)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjENPPTzybQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calHOKucYMw

 1.      Pacific Blue – Emily Zeck

a.      Lots of ocean analogys and a nice cute love song

2.      8teen – Khalid

 One of the grooviest songs on his amazing album.

3.      Old Friends – Pinegrove

 Summers are hella better for me stress-wise, but this song

4.      Past Lives – BORNS

  Its an amazing song and I hate how good it is. I listened to it over winter break after my gf at the time recommended it to me. Shame she was cheating on me the entire time.

5.      New Wave – Quinn XCII

  Found it recently and I can just imagine people in dance circles to this song

6.      Wasted – Tiesto

  It’s a popular song but I have small memories with friends of us belting this song out or dancing like idiots. It’s hard to miss a good time to just bounce up and down and scream this to whoever is listening

7.      Odd Look – Kavinsky/Weeknd

  VERY Sexual song but the bass slaps and it’s such a good road trip song when you are alone

8.      Doses & Mimosas – Cherub

   More than drugs and alcohol, this song talks about addiction and drowning your problems in substances. The second verse is my absolute favorite and the overall happy tone distracts from his cry for help. That’s why I like the song a lot.

9.      New Eyes – Cbdb

  I cant sing this with a frown. Very hopeful and just me complimenting the girl im with

10.  Like Real People Do – Hozier

  This song was shown to me by someone I still care a lot about at the right time where I needed to hear this. Its about being “saved” by someone but then worrying about why they were there looking. Mutual care and worrying about others doesn’t mean you aren’t worrying about yourself as well. This is one of three songs that will always get me sad and breathe heavy and wish things were better.

11.  Barcelona – George Ezra

  I spent a lot of my life abroad in Portugal, away from friends and ‘home’. This song deals with long distance and its George Ezra, so its just smooth to listen to

12.  Sarabande Suite (Aeternae) - Globus

   I did a lot of nerd shit and would listen to “epic” music while painting or building or video editing. This song has epic parts but has more nostalgic emphasis to me. I can see a trailer for some sci-fi movie being made out of this song.

13. Dancing in the moonlight – King Harvest

   Before itunes and spotify, my mom made a cd mixtape of good barbecue songs and this was on it. I used to hate it but its just so good now in hindsight and this is the best version so don’t @ me with other versions.

14.  Overwhelmed – Tim Mcmorris

  I made a movie for someone special using this song but it’s just so full of love. I want to feel safe with someone to this song or a slow dance without worrying about it being too gushy

15.  Golden Slumbers – Elbow (originally by Beatles)

  From a Christmas commercial but its very nice and I pet a corgi to this song once.

16.  TongueTied – Group love

 Everyone knows this song but its very feel good and so fun to yell in a car or group of people having drinks.

17.  Elephant Love Medley – Moulin Rouge

  Moulin Rouge is my fav musical and this duo is memorized forever in my head and all I need is a partner really. Also more people should see Moulin Rouge.

18.  Bombastic – Shaggy

  The best song I could find that came out in 1995

19.  Snow in Newark – Ryan Hemsworth

  Newark is a very grey, industrial city in New Jersey, but also where the airport is. If yall didn’t know, I grew up in NJ and when I left it for the last time ever (college), it was snowing in the Newark airport. This song deals with him living his touring life but just wanting to be back home to someone(?). NJ is nothing special but I left a lot of friends forever. Idk if I’ll ever see some of them again and it shouldn’t worry me as much as it does. ATL is so much more diverse and colorful and I’m not the same person I was when I left NJ, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes wanting to be back.

20.  Goodnight, Travel Well – The Killers

 This was written for the loss of his grandma I think, but it’s a whole song that deals with loss and accepting that there is nothing else you can say or do now. There’s lots of things I wish I could take back, but now its best if I don’t reach out at all. It hurts but its for the best.

21.  Pierre – Ryn Weaver

   Beautiful voice, fun lyrics. Its about dating/sleeping around but mind is on one person and just like oof.

22.  Love – Kid Cudi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjENPPTzybQ

 This song I cant find anywhere besides youtube because he never released it like an idiot. The chorus is the best I have ever heard and I

23.  Would You Go with Me – Josh Turner

  If I recommend a country song, and your immediate reaction is “oh I HATE country, it’s so DUMB. How COULD you enjoy it?” first of all fuck you and your Hamilton loving ass but if you want to listen to one (1) country song, this guy has an amazingly deep voice and I have a lot of good memories to this song and good lovey-dovey feels.

24.  Shots- LMFAO

  I loved LMFAO as a kid (like many people) and shots is just such a simple feel good song and if you say you never at one point enjoyed their music at a party, you are weak and lying.

25.  Waiting for the End – Linkin Park

a.      His suicide really punched me in the gut and I had to excuse myself from work to cry a bit. I always enjoyed the less scream-y Linkin Park songs and there are a lot of messages I hope people can relate to and get help for.

26.  I Belong to you – Ben Abraham

  Simple and sweet, he sings about knowing that one day he will fall in love. He knows he doesn’t have one now, but isn’t worried and is sure that there is someone out there he will meet one day. The whole idea of belonging to a bright future with someone is so nice and I can only for it myself

27.  Hero – Regina Spektor

  From the best scene in 500 Days of Summer, this song plays when the overly romantic guy gets drunk and falls into depression after seeing the girl he has been creepily doting on with someone else she didn’t tell him about. For me, its just when Regina spektor keeps saying “cheating cheating cheating” that gets me.

28.  Dog Problems or Oceans – The Format

 The Format (aka early version of Fun.) has some bangers and these two are my fav from the album Dog Problems. Dog problems is about being cheated on and Oceans is about wishing you were on the west coast to see your loved one again. I couldn’t choose one so theres both.

29.  Baby mine – Dumbo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calHOKucYMw

  My mom would sing this to me and my brother sometimes at bedtime when we were really young. Things were so much simpler and mental illness wasn’t even a thing I was worried about. I have a shitty relationship with my family now, and I really wish I could make things better without sacrificing who I am in the process.

30.  Need – Pinegrove

   If I could find a song 100% about me, it is absolutely this song. It goes into mental struggles, “wanting” things that are necessary, getting stuck inside in your mind, and its all in a begging and pleading tone. I really really fucking wish I didn’t ‘need’ things like social interaction or affirmation or mutual sexual attraction. If you have to listen to one, definitely make it this one.

  message me if you give any a listen. thanks

[funnefatale]

what mcu characters do you like other than Thor and Valkyrie?

Okay, so MCU!Peter is just Miles, but I still think he's adorable and rewatching HoCo and reading a million petermj fics really helped me when I was having bad anxiety attacks last year (I even got 5k into an MJ fic before I quit writing it) Soni have a soft spot for Peter and MJ. But also petermj is just thorkyrie in high school so... (Also I really like Ned.)

Of course there's Shuri and Nakia and Okoye in Black Panther. I expected to love Killmonger more than I did, but the movie literally had to go out of its way to make him do shit that was plain Wrong (killing his girlfriend, attacking old elders, wanting imperialism) so that we couldn't cheer for him. I wish they had given him more of a Loki or something. (Also, making a movie called Black Panther so anti revolution still makes me kinda uncomfortable.)

I genuinely enjoy the Ant-Man movies, which I 100000% didn't expect because who the fuck cares about ant man? but Paul Rudd just makes it so cute and the movies don't take themselves serious at all, which is refreshing after the six million Civil Wars. Plus, the Scott and Cassie (and really the whole family) is so fucking cute.

I like Sam despite Anthony Mackie sticking his foot in his mouth and I wish he was getting a solo Captain America movie instead of a series because I'm not paying for that Disney channel, I don't care.

I'm bitter about everything Captain Marvel related so I can't even say Monica or Maria, but I am grateful Fury got more background stuff because they've been wasting SLJ for too many movies.

(Sidenote: I think Kamala is gonna pop up in Spider-Man FFH first, not Captain Marvel 2. They filmed scenes at an airport and had signs for Newark, not JFK, and that has to mean something.)

There's some characters that I like in only specific movies (Nat and Steve in CATWS, Tony in IM3, Bruce in Ragnarok, etc.) but I'm not sure those count because that was more of a reflection of the particular movie than the actual character.

But you're not wrong to assume I mostly care about Thor and Valkyrie. Thor was my favorite back when the first movies came out. Everyone was talking about Captain America and Iron Man and arguing over which was better and I was just sitting there like "I like Thor." I was partial to Sif and definitely preferred her to Jane (I just couldn't get past the lack of chemistry) but Valkyrie was definitely a game changer. Er, enhancer? Whatever. Thorkyrie owns my bisexual soul and I own that.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Don't know what to do with myself. via /r/selfimprovement

Don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm 21 and still in community college, but I did get my provisional admission to this university I wanted to transfer to. I work as a runner at Din Tai Fung and I'm supposed to make bank, but I don't really know yet because I'm a new employee. Headtitle question at the bottom

I think I've lived an okay-ish life, kind of. story time, skip to the end if you dont wanna read it I come from a Korean family, can't say I remember much of my childhood except mostly being beaten and yelled at. There were good times too, but they usually ended prettily shittily. Moved around a bunch, went to a lot of schools. I've dealt with a lot of abusive stuff from both parents, but I'm not going to talk about my mom because things have gotten better and she's still here for me(?). For some extreme stuff- my dad broke my brothers toes in elementary school. In my senior year, he threatened me at knifepoint and forced it into my hands and told me to stab my brother or he would stab me. Beatings from him were pretty bad, and it's not just belts and sticks bad. I played co-ed baseball in 5th grade, so bam, there was that too. He liked to throw chairs and literally flip tables when he was angry (hes a private construction worker, so he's pretty strong). Broke a lot of his phones throwing them at us, the wall, the floor, whatever. Ive had a lot of problems with my social affairs in highschool- anxiety, being cold, being short tempered, aggressive, violent, sharp tongued. I started warming up in senior year because of this girl I dated, which was a pretty big deal because gays are not allowed in this household. And well, im bi but its the same thing to them. Can't say that went too well, because my brother found out and blackmailed me in the situation we were living in. But who cares, because siblings hate each other right? Anyways, broke up with her, broke her heart, treated her poorly and whatever two years later we made up and was able to be friends again. Back to dad- he was usually never around for things like elementary grad, middle school grad, and highschool- my mom made him come, but he sure didn't seem happy about it. In highschool, he only laid down on his phone playi ng his shitty phone games. Doesnt talk to me, doesnt talk to my brother, doesnt talk to my mom. His routine: wake up, go to work, come home, phone games, eat, phone games, sleep. If you try to talk to him, he ignores you. If you press it, he'll give you some boring answer like "go away already".

Anywho, that abusive fuck was caught cheating. Had an affair with a client's sister. Sold the house we lived in, mom moved to Newark, him to San Leandro. Mom didnt want to deal with me, so I got the boot and lived wjth acquaintances in Hayward. Couldnt afford it, so mom told me to move to San Leandro with him. I moved in with my best friend helping me and we saw the evidence. Bambam, hello lady clothing and shit. I went apeshit nuts and he tried to convince me, then threatened that I would be in big trouble if i said anything. (Parents were separated but not divorced). Alright, ill keep my big mouth shut.

I worked for his "girlfriend" at her cafe in Berkeley. Why? Well, it was easy money and i needed it to keep up with my shitty coping habits- partying and party favors, mostly e. You dont have to deal with stress if youre always out partying.

Anywho, fast forward, skip a lot of details. Mom gets a phone call one day from mutual acquaintance saying dad is sick and asks her to bring him some food. Alright. So she does because she still cares, and finds out the truth. Calls me and demands me to come right now and unlock the door- note that this is a 40 minute drive. By the time i get there, theres hella police and a window is broken and theres hella shit going on. Things settled down but being my immature ass i scream at my parents for both being immature, and they shouldve just cut things clean. I yell at my dad for being a fuckhead and cheating, you didnt raise a liar but you are one. I yell at my mom for being irresponsible and breaking things. Police grabs my shoulder but i swipe it off and bam. Im on the floor, face into concrete, chipped teeth and i cant even see where my dog is. Tbh i was more worried that he ran off because he was still a puppy and i was holding him during this whole ordeal. My glasses got knocked off my face when those two officers fucking bodyslammed me into the ground. I'm 5ft4, i weighed like 130 at this time but im just a legit smol asian girl.

What happened next? Well yknow, i got arrested and sent to jail for assaulting a police officer, nbd. Sat there for a few hours, listening to some psycho making weird noises. Finally get some call saying that my mom was waiting for me, and she bailed me out. She was crying a lot and told me that my dad didnt even bat an eye as they took me away, that he smiled and tried to fix his goddamn broken window. I believe it too, because I saw that shitty smirk on his face when i got to the scene. My mom has a bit of an uncontrollable temper so she looks psycho when the other person was the wack one. This was in January 2017.

Skip forward to the next police thing. June 2017. My mom demands that i pack all my shit and move back, and she wants to go with me. I plead no, but what am i gonna do against her? Alright, we drive and she starts saying stuff about lying and calls the bitch a slut and homewrecker and stuff, dad gets up to stand inbetween and stuff. Tells her to move than basically shoves her across the living room towards the door. **insert hysteria and bam again, screaming and each other, his hands on her, me trying to squeeze my body in between them and get his hands off of her. Doesnt really work cos he turns on me, hits me away and goes back to beat her. My screaming doesnt really help either, but i try what I can to claw his arms off of her. Nooooo, bad idea, but better me than her. He grabs me and my head is locked into his elbow so I bite down, arm. Baaaad idea again, but its in self defense imo. Im just trying to help my mom. He p much beats me up into a pulp her, grabs my shirt all the way up and yikes thats embarassing. The struggle goes on and eventually its calm again because slutface is like "honey staph"- note: only words and no actions to get close, buuuut, it works. Me and mom move to my room and start removing all my weebshit from the walls. Mom is muttering and saying a bunch of bs for him to hear and he storms into the room because hes fucking triggered and start the violence again. Oh but this is where i do the fun thing- i lunge myself at him so im like on top of him but holy shit, he legit pulls me off of him and throws me against the wall cabinets, and two hand chokes me, with his knees on my chest. Mom starts screaming at him, claws his face and soon the police are here and shit. Bitch called the police, and this is where it gets more fucked up. I legally live here, its on my license. I came back to move out, so its okay for me to be here, because i came to pack my stuff and take whats mine. So why exactly did the police not believe me? Why did my mom get arrested for putting dumb scratches on his face when he beat us, with pictures - that day- to prove that he inflicted more wounds on us. We were just defending ourselves. He put his hands on us first. Anyways, that starts my worries cos im like. Im 20, but idk what to do. How do i find money to bail my mom out? How do i even do that in the first place? But i managed.

Anywho skip forward, jackass is no longer in my life, tho i have to deal with him through my brother from time to time. Parents officially divorced Feb 2018. I've lived with my mom, she bought a cafeteria for a little bit so I worked there. Things were really hard because my mom had a lot of pent up anger that she would take out on me. My brother moved out because he went to university so he didnt really have to deal with much. Im also the older child, so bam. Anyways, we fought a lot. A LOT LOT. Like apeshit crazylot. I took a lot of beatings. It was like the weekend before Christmas of 2017 where a took a huge beating and ran away from my problems by going to my now-ex's house. He offered me to move in with him and his family, so I did. I had the choice of going back to my moms lifestyle and attempt to make up, or trying to live a different life. I lived with him from like Christmas to March 2018. We started having a lot of problems because he regret inviting me, he wasnt ready to give up his personal space and I was done babysitting someone who was older than me. Doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning his room. I was done with being bored, never going out, being ignored while he did the same thing my dad did. Sit on his phone and not speak a word. Yeah, there were good times too, but they seem so fleeting when it seeps in with your own personal trauma of being ignored. Btw- when i moved to his place, my brother moved back home to fill the gap, but my brother is better with dealing with my mom and she doesnt blow up at him.

After I moved back, it was better. Yeah, shit went down sometimes but i guess overall it was better? My mom cried a lot. I would hear her talk on the phone with her family members in Korea and cry about how she was tired of everything and didn't want to do it anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Well, in the later months of 2018, we got along better and havent really had those blowups. I tried my best to stay home more instead of going out at night because she hated it. I tried to be nicer to her and more compromising. She's in Korea rn and things suck. During the whole parents thing, it sucks to feel like your parents are passing you to each other likea toy they dont want. It sucks to not really feel familial love growing up, where mom is just doing things because shes supposed to and dad just flat out pretends you dont exist. It sucks that it takes two years of partying, drugs and cons to find out

Submitted October 31, 2018 at 10:33AM by xfirelily via reddit https://ift.tt/2CRsVBn

[god-hunter]

Secret Empire #4

Alright guys!  This is where things actually turned around for me in this event, believe it or not. [For now].

So... If you can’t tell who that is on the cover with Iron Man and Steve, it’s Ultron toting a very familiar Hank Pym half-face.  It’s interesting and different, but why is he there?  And where has he been all this time?

The answer amazed me, and I actually found this issue to be brilliant.

This issue is more expositional and conversational than anything, but the dialogue was so juicy and enthralling that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

There are some major developments that occurred too.  You get to see Black Widow teach her Red Room camp kids a lesson, and the overall deal is the great cosmic cube fragment hunt.

So without further adieu, let’s dive into this.

[SPOILERS]

We start with Mysterious Rogers still wandering in the woods.  He gets triple teamed by a few random villains in masks that I don’t recognize.  But then he finds help in two strangers.  A grown black and white man that are reminiscent of Sam Wilson and Bucky.

[But wait...  How is that...?  This is yet to be explained.]

Similar to Steve, they don’t really know why they��re there, but they were more than happy to help him.

Steve decides to join them in setting up a camp when the reminiscent Sam tells him that they could all use friends.

Then, in Baltimore we get a follow up on The Punisher.  Kraken visited him and tried to chew him out for not reporting back with any intel on what he found.  [Perhaps, that’s a good thing?]

“I don’t answer to you, Kraken.”

“What about me, then?”  A hologram of Cap gets in the room.

Frank instantly salutes and fesses up.  “...I came close in Newark, brought home solid intel.  We’ll have her in our sights soon.”

[So I guess that means that Boomerang hid Maria Hill long enough for her to escape or something...]

Then we cut to Black Widow who is fucking up a random Hydra goon tied to a chair.  The kids can’t take it.  They feel for the lackey.  He isn’t much older than them.  And it seems that he clearly doesn’t have the information that she’s looking for.  But she is insistent.  She tells them there is no other way.  

Nadia Pym insists that she stop hard enough for the goon to reveal that he just worked in the mess hall.

This made Black Widow even more vindicated.  “Yes, Nadia-- The Mess Hall at the Southern Virginia Hydra Installation...  The same one whose staff has been charged with catering the Rebuilding Ceremony at the Capitol.  He was given a tour of the site--logistics were discussed...”

The long-short of it is that Riri steps in with a plan of her own to let him go and use a quick memory wipe thing so that he could forget about this traumatic event.

He thanks her, and Widow actually entertains this for 3 seconds.

Then once his foot is untied, he immediately goes for his dagger and comes after her.  “HAIL HYDRA!”

He is shot without warning.

The kids are Shocked!  That could’ve been it.

“Wonderful. Now we have to switch Motels.”  Black Widow says as she walks away from her pack.

[What’s important about this scene is that her kids are naive.  They’re children.  And Spencer is really giving them firsthand experience that this Super Hero gig has some hard calls to make sometimes.  Do they have it in them to take on this War...?]

Cap continues his conversation with The Punisher as we see Nat and her pack get in a van.  He basically needs Frank to trail Nat, just in case things get rough.

But then we dive into the focus of our issue.  This is where things really wake up for me.

Our Underground team of Tony, Sam, Hercules, Ant Man, Quicksilver and Bobbi fly to Alaska.  Which is established by Tony A.I that this is Ultron Territory.

“They’re calling them the Ultronic Territories... Basically, not long before the Planetary Defense Shield went up, Ultron returned from the stars.  But instead of trying to destroy the World... he set up shop in a remote bit of Alaska and started building cities... full of more Ultrons.”

[Ooooh man.  Something way bigger is going on here!  This I could get behind.]

For the next set of panels, we get to see Tony A.I and Steve plan the same thing.  They’re both aiming to go to the same place at the same time for the same reason.  They want that Cosmic Cube Fragment and they need it now.

Then we get to see Ultron, who is wearing half of Hank’s face get to excited that they’re all coming to visit him.  He talks to Jarvis about it who tells them that they’ve arrived.

He gets really excited about this and exclaims that, “...Hank Pym is going to save the Avengers!”

[Whoa.  That’s interesting.  What happened to Ultron here?  Did he actually fuse with Hank Pym??]

When our Underground Team lands, Sam stays in the ship.  Bobbi runs in, Iron Man flies, Quicksilver stands by with Hercules and Ant Man is the first to encounter ‘Avenger’ Black Ant.

[This is where I really got excited.]

A little fight breaks out with them, just as Bobbi is encountered by Task Master. [Yes!]

“Danger’s afoot. Thank the Gods,” Hercules says.  My sentiments exactly.  I love see an Avenger x Dark Avenger brawl.  [Even if they’re not calling them that.]

Quicksilver finds Wanda and this is the first glimpse that we get of why she’s evil at all.  Her eyes are completely blacked out.  It looks like this is a curse.  [Which actually is hopeful.  It means that it’s possible that she could break out of this and come to her senses.  Vision too, for that manner.]

Speaking of.  Vision catches Sam in the ship and bashes his head right against the dashboard.  [I actually have a bad feeling about this, but I’ll explain later.]

We also get an awesome pairing of Hercules vs. Odinson.

Iron Man sighs that this was supposed to be a Stealth Mission.  We get sweet panels of fighting between our teams.

Tony A.I meets Steve and they are just about to battle, before Ultron-Pym intervenes.

“No, no, no--This won’t do--”

He uses some sort of massive beam to knock all of them out.  It seems to have come from the ceiling or something.

“I’m sorry it had to be this way... but please know I have missed you all so dearly-- And it’s so good to welcome you home again.”

They all black out and wake up with their hands bound by some sort of hexagonal tech.  The surroundings are familiar.  They’re all sitting at a table in a room that looks a lot like Avengers Mansion.

At this point, both teams are forced into a conversation with Ultron-Pym who really puts it on that they’re here for dinner.  He’s got an apron and everything that reads “Kiss the Overlord.”  That’s a bit campy, but it’s fun.

So anyway.  This conversation commences and they all talk about everything that went wrong.  With everyone.  Tony A.I points out the obvious problem with Steve’s team.  “He’s had his reality rewritten by a Cosmic Cube, she’s possessed by a demon, he’s infected by some A.I Virus--and this one just wants his hammer back, I think.”

Ultron Pym brings up his side of the table and asks what happened to Tony. [Not once referring to his A.I state.]

Steve mocks that Tony A.I is too drunk to pilot his newer models.

[...I’m sorry, but how does that work...  Because last I checked his A.I was just a light form with basically All Human Qualities and understanding, except for the actual physical ability to actually be on this plain.  Now..  Spencer has gotten away with giving him a glove to interact with things, or even toting his old armor...  but you mean to tell me that he can’t rock the new armor because there’s some sort of A.I joy juice out there that he’s drinking??]

Hercules brings up brief beef with Thor, Quicksilver interjects that he doesn’t care about any of this, he just cares about his sister.

Then Ultron Pym berates them for always bickering so much.  Then he reveals why Ultron built this city.  He speaks in the third person here, which is very important.  And this is where I was floored with astonishment.

“It’s because he didn’t have to [come after you again].  It’s because he looked at you and your war, Tony, and... your scheming, Steve--and he realized he wouldn’t have to destroy anything.  Because you were already doing it for him.”

[Whoa!]

So that explains why, if Ultron was here the whole time, why he never came out and attacked, and instead focused on building his own corner of the World and making it his own.  Eventually he would branch out after his problem sorted itself out.

When our brainwashed Cap brings up that Hydra is going to change all of the corruption and fix everything, I loved Ultron’s reaction.

“Oh, of course it will, Steve... Just like Tony’s grand plans for Superhuman Registration made everything so much better.  Or perhaps you mean like when Wanda here tried to fix everything-- That got a bit messy as I recall...”

He drives a point home, here.  “You always have such big ideas for solving all the World’s problems. Funny, then, how you just keep making everything worse.”

Cap diverts the conversation to the cube.  A little more bickering ensues, between when Sam Wilson shouts at Steve to not talk to him.  Especially like they’re friends.

Ultron-Pym loses his patience with them and yells about how he’s trying to help them.  He brings up how Steve can say “Assemble” and everyone will dive into a fire head first, and how when Tony has a crazy idea, half of the Hero Community will be down with it.  Then he gets all upset and says, “What about me?!  I’m a Founding Avenger!  I deserve some Respect! I deserve to be taken seriously!”

At this point, Tony’s A.I cracks up.  He says that’s “The most Hank Pym thing I have ever heard anyone say.”

He continues to belittle and instigate Ultron-Pym further, and at this point we’re a little unsure if it really is Hank or not.  But either way, even Cap in his Hydra state is sounding like his old self, warning Tony not to push too far.

Sam Wilson starts to agree with Steve on this.

[It’s all so brilliant.  Ultron-Pym, in this very moment is actually unifying them, by giving them all something to hate.  Or at least to worry about.]

...It goes on.  I’m at the point where I can’t give EVERY detail.  But believe me.  The conversation is GOOD.

Maybe Tony A.I believes that this is really Pym after all.  And he brings up where it actually went wrong.  Why it’s not a Happy Family any more with all of their dinners and pool parties.

“It’s because they got to be too awkward.  Too uncomfortable. It was hard for people to act like everything was still okay... after what you did to Jan.”

“HOW DARE YOU?!”

Ultron-Pym enlarges and grabs Tony A.I read to crush him.  The table is destroyed and, Hank explains his huge mistake for seemingly the thousandth time.

“Every day I live with this, and I save the World a hundred times over! But I made one mistake-- ONE MISTAKE!!!  Years ago!  And it’s all any of you will ever remember me for...”

He loses it and is about to kill Tony A.I claiming that it will give everyone something Else to remember him for.

This is where Scott Lang has a ‘be cool’ moment and manages to diffuse the entire situation, by completely relating to his situation and stating that he was an inspiration to him.  That’s why he became the 2nd Ant Man.

He ends up asking, “What would Janet...do” and almost like the flip of a switch, Pym just decides to let everyone go.

All of their bonds are released and Ant Man gets a cube fragment on his plate.

Immediately they bolt the fuck Out of there man.  While, Pym nearly manically yells, “FAREWELL! SAFE TRAVELS!  Enjoy the cube fragment, Scott!  I’ll make sure you’re heading in the opposite direction from you-know-who...”

He also bears some foreshadowing predictions about Tony’s A.I.  “...a conflict like this...can have a cleansing effect.  ...Help you face your demons.  Say hello to all your ghosts for me, Tony!”  He bids him farewell, in this almost taunting fashion.

That’s when Steve stands by Pym confused.   “We had a deal, Ultron”

Ultron Pym states that their deal is still on.  “I won’t be invading your little country.  But the cube fragment is its own issue.”

So... just to move on from this.   Both teams leave the premises.

We cut to six hours later, when we see our Underground Team celebrating their victory a bit.  But then there is news about Amor arriving in D.C. to deliver an important announcement.

Sam tells them to turn that up.

Steve is already back home, in full General Hydra garb...  [Something makes me wonder if that encounter made him want to hang up his stars and stripes for good.  Probably not though.]

Anyway, Namor is there to not only shake hands with Steve, but also to give him his very own cube fragment, as a sign of their newfound alliance.

Namor is clearly doing this for the survival of his kingdom.  Against the will of his people, it would seem.

And now our guys are upset.  Because they went through all that emotional toil for one fragment.  Meanwhile, Steve just got one handed to him a quarter of a day later “without even lifting a damn finger”, as Sam would say.

At D.C General Steve stands by Baron Zero and talks about how their draw doesn’t matter.  Soon they’ll get the fragment that the Underground Team has too...  “After all--we have someone on the inside.”

-To Be Continued!-

Aw COME ON!!!!

This issue was great, but now that last bit of news worries me.

I don’t know why, but my first instinct is that it’s Bobbi Morse.

I feel like she, out of all of them is the most that would have it in her.  She’s S.H.I.E.L.D., they’re known to do Double-Agent/Triple-Agent stuff...  It would just suit her.  I wouldn’t be surprised.

Although... Quicksilver did outwardly state that he doesn’t care WHO wins.  He just wants his sister to be okay.  And Bobbi did comment on his questionable motivation for the cause.

But then there’s that little thing that worried me, regarding The Vision knocking out Sam in the ship, just like that.

Taking it back to the very beginning of this issue, Mysterious Rogers bumps into a reminiscent Sam & Bucky. [As I’m referring them]

Well, if Mysterious Rogers is indeed real...  Does that mean I’m right about the other two, or are they just very capable strangers that resemble his closest friends?

...Beyond that.  It’s almost Mystery Novel formula, that the one you least expect.. the one who wants NOTHING to do with anything, is the killer.  In this case, the mole.

...it could be possible.  He was taken out of the fight immediately, by Vision.  Blind-sided.

Then, he wound up at the table.  Those reactions to Steve were genuine though.  They didn’t seem put on.

...and the layers might be complex.  They might be actual genuine disgust, but he might have his own personal reasons for staying out of it.  Buried guilt and hope for Steve to snap out of it and all that.

[There’s also even a clue from that Underground #1 tie-in I reviewed the other day.  Sam mentioned to Scott, or Hercules I think, that he wasn’t sure if everyone on this team was trustworthy.  Or.. who they said they were...]

In that light.  He’s either genuinely getting a hunch about one of them, or he’s planting the seeds of mistrust himself, because He’s gonna surprise us.

Ah man.  I dunno.

And I haven’t read Secret Empire #5 yet!  So I’m very much looking forward to doing so.  I wonder who it’s going to be.  But I’m also very interested in seeing what happens to Nat & the others.  Will Frank Castle end up finding them and if so, how will an encounter like that really go?  Would they come to blows, or find a middle ground and trade information?

And then there’s the rest of the Underground camp.  The cover of that issue.  Clint looks like he’s getting meeeesssed up.  So I’m very curious about what happens next.

Can’t wait to read Secret Empire #5!!!!!