#the way this lil fictional guy consumes my many waking thoughts

[fire-lizard-ro]

Reworked an old unfinished drawing for Blythe because I thought it fit him. 🫶

Might finish/add to it later.

Character belongs to @thedolmainblog

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[mstrangebird]

2018

I posted this on my other blog but still I want to have this here.

I finished my wrapped up on January 3rd around 3 in the evening. I wrote them down in 2 different blank pages. At the beginning, on January 1st if I’m not mistaken, I wrote on my laptop, separated them into some sections like usual but then, it got hard. I didn’t know why. It was just really hard to rewind everything in my head, so I stopped. In the afternoon of January 3rd, I tried again. But then I chose to write on my journal book with my hand. I didn’t separate them and just poured everything that I felt it was needed for reflection. And I successfully finished it with a good bye and warm smile still hoping it won’t go away.

I read them few times. And I decided I won’t publish all of them. I remembered what the purpose of writing down what happened in a whole year is: for reflection, sorting out what’s good, so I can keep it up and what’s bad, so I could do better. I, right now, somehow question myself why I put them here in a first place if it is pure for my own way to reflect. Weird, but I did.

It is (((too))) personal. That’s my main reason

Every time I typed something, I ended up erasing it. Gosh. This is my weakness. Once I told a very simple thing, the other would follow. I can’t really sort of what needs to be posted.

Anyway…

Have you ever felt so stuck? That you just stood there without knowing what road you should walk on? That you just saw people around you creating their own paths, yet you couldn’t move your feet? That you chose to block everyone and locked yourself till you felt better? That you stayed up till dawn and blamed yourself for every shit you made? That you even drowned yourself into other fictions, so you didn’t need to face your own story? That you even had suicidal thought because you felt so useless comparing to people out there? That you felt so tired just to interact and talk, so you said no literally to everyone?

That paragraph above described exactly what I felt more than half of 2018.

I’m not proud that I let my thoughts consumed me, but I can learn so many things.

If you happen to know me in real life, you probably can see that I didn’t make big things. Graduate, for example. I might seem don’t care at all. Just so you know, I care too. I also have the plan in my head.

I just checked out my goals in 2018, and I didn’t even achieve half of them. And the weird feeling is I’m okay with that. I might not achieve “those big things” and step into the higher state of life. There was a hurricane inside me that kept raging, that needed to be handled. Conquered it, and now I’m here. It was like going thru some huge wave in the ocean and finally land in a peaceful shore with the breeze and the bird flying around.

Things that I wrote were something that needed to be seen. The result of real actions, like yeah graduating or going to music festival. But then, something unexpected came, just like that. It shook my inner system and almost destroyed my brain. It was not easy. Waking up because a really bad dream or unable to sleep because too many bad thoughts. I couldn’t even choose how I should spend my night. It was always been those two. There was nothing in between.

The rest of 2018 was all about taking care of myself. I felt bad for friends who tried to reach me, but I pushed them away. I was trying to figure something out; figuring how to feel okay again; figuring how to manage myself, even pushing myself to do more.

All I need was feeling happy and content. Stop comparing myself to them. Trying to be zen.

I even tried to eat more veggies and fruits, to avoid coffee if I haven’t had heavy meal, to have lil workouts, to wake up early for morning prayer, to be on-time, to write on my gratitude journal every morning, to write down what to do tomorrow on the night before, or just small thing like washing the dishes right after I used them. I was trying to have a routine to feel useful. Not only laying down for too many youtube videos and tv series or scrolling twitter’s timeline.

I dealt with something inside me. It was something you couldn’t see.

I was just trying to take care of me despite what people might think of me. I don’t care how many times I mentioned trying or tried. But really, I tried so hard living my best life. Figuring something out. Cutting all the things that made me insecure and worried. Wow I looked like a coward. But for that, I’m proud of myself.

What I achieved in 2018 is unseen, just like I said above. It is something that I feel within.

I would be lying if I said I’m not worried anymore, but 2019 is the new hope; to achieve them all.

Thank You, God! For allowing me to enter another year. For giving me what I need. For the relief feeling to accept everything. For every small thing which turned out to be really mattered.

Thank you, Mom&Dad for yeah, the patience, waiting for me to graduate. I know you already planned the outfit for my graduation, tho. But please, wait a little more.

Thank you to all my friends. I know I wasn’t being a good friend. I pushed away many times. With this, I hope you understand.

Thank you for everyone who comes and goes. Literally everyone. I know your presence mattered.

And I thank me. For going on though it hurts. For staying strong though the hurricane blows.

And last. My latest discovery on music, BTOB. It may look really cheesy (((REALLY CHEESY))) but really, these 7 dorky guys made my 2018 lighter. Like, every time I felt so done with my thesis or the chaos in the world, I would just open my Spotify and played their music or go on Youtube and watched some hilarious things they did. I’m surprised it helps. Wow.

2018 was something. A roller coaster which helped me to find my core again. It wasn’t sweet, ofc. But I’m glad I could handle.

To you, people out there, the ones who have this war in mind; the noise inside the head; the bad thoughts around midnight, hold on… we’re going thru this.

I’ll end this here or I’ll maybe spill out more, and that’s not good.

(finally finished this on January 14th, 2019 around 12.17 AM)