#the way that snow is both desperately attached to this concept | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uniquezombiedestiny · 1 year ago

Text

thinking about the snow queen and motherliness. being a mother figure to bella, what a mother is to bella and her time with her family being cut short by t589.

what is a mother? a mother is someone who makes the pain go away. someone who always protects you. she puts the bandaid on, shows you what to say, what to do to protect yourself from harm, because she loves you innately. like listen to our word by 36 questions (iirc) to get bellas relationship with her mother because 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

the snow queen is a mother. the cold numbs the pain away, the ice is a bandaid, your shield from all harm, inside and outside. the biting winds, the distance, is what keeps you safe. you are safe and loved in your mother's embrace. in the warmth of her arms. and the snow queen's unit is getting warmer, isn't it?

a mother is someone who leaves too soon. when you get attached, once you cant imagine a warm life without her, she has to leave. you have to leave. but you still carry the signs. you know how to lie and slither out of punishment. you know how to look pretty. you still look like a poor little kid. you are still a child, and your hand holds a thread that connects all the way to her.

that is why they love you. you're an angel, the perfect girl that only cracks sometimes. frozen, plastered-on [;)] smiles even in the worst of times. your arguments are for the right side. your shunning, your ignorance, your hurt is all for the righteous cause. your mother said so. she is here to protect you and support you.

that is why the snow queen loves you. the real angel. the real child, coming crying to her mother, who listens to every word with a compassionate smile. well, her smile is sharp and cutting. but that's okay. both because that is simply what a polite girl does and because maybe that is what you really want, somewhere within. the love isn't innate, but that's okay. the way the ego gear clings to you is just like your mother's sweet hands putting the bandaid on. it's close enough (do you deserve anything better?), and you're fine with that.

the cold numbs your worries to nothing. it's all fine. it's all okay. you are safe, protected by layers of ice. even outside of the unit, your glasses are frosted-over. her hands cover others' eyes - "here is how we make it all go away: we lie." (< reference to our word's lyrics)

so. yeah. bella being an angel (metaphorically and literally lol), her mother and the snow queen, and a pinch of guilt (being fine with less because, really, you dont deserve better*).

*fuck it we ball. more on this: you dont deserve better because you aren't yet perfect. you're desperate - a child crying for her mother. a relationship sprouted and left deprived. a void in your heart. blemishes on your perfect concept (you can't bear to get rid of them.). and yet, you will still accept what you don't deserve, because you are starved of love. it's your fault. your fault. but your mother loves you still. she loves you innately. come behind her, and together you will deny it all.

actually fuck it. i need to ramble more

thinks about the snow queen and bella. ive recently delved into her story and some of the of fairytale (dubious from some webbed site but. yknow lmao) and wound up with lots of think of... based on her ruina dialogue + appearance, the queen like to challenge the brave. in the fairytale, kai and gerda's childike hearts are still there at the end. bella is someone with a kind heart and not much bravery. (really, she polarizes, but her bravery is more around the alternate alone. she can be brave!! but usually and - especially as she declines - she loses that aspect, likely trading it for simple anger, red-shoes-y desire, etc.) she was also forced to grow up - she is still that lonely kid she was years ago. she is still in t-589, still in c-127. she has a lot to learn, still, and to discover.

the snow queen is.. an interesting figure to me when it comes to her relationship with bella. she is cold, silent, only watching bella as she simply speaks into basically nothingness. she may, sometimes, give her a cruel smile. what a childlike, brave little soul; one who chose to bear the cold. one who enjoys her presence.

"kai saw things he didn't need or want to see." / "he felt like what he knew amounted to so little."

to bella, the queen is a respite. friendcorp has shown her so many new things, good and bad. on the bad side, her mental issues have been unraveling. her unhealthy mindset isn't going to work indefinitely like it used to. but, with the snow queen, it's familiar. it's not even that cold anymore, you know? she's long been used to cold, quiet, endless hallways. talking into the silence - like her words are simply carried away by the wind - is a relief, because noone can hear them. for once, she can speak, and there will be no consequences. and if the queen does hear, well, that's alright. she trusts her, now.

the cold isn't so bitter anymore. it's homely. familiar. it's lively, biting into her skin, sending shivers down her spine. she feels real.

and, ofc, i'll talk about her suicide attempt too. especially her own views on it... eventually, it becomes like a knightly duty to her. she must do this to save everyone else - surely, we'll all be happier this way. yes, you'll have to face this loss. but beyond it is a better ending for everyone here. this is the most logical choice... isn't it?

the snow queen gave kai a kiss - one to no longer feel the cold, and one to forget everything. his family, friends, etc etc. that way, he would stay with the snow queen. she would show him the truth of the world - the shattered mirror shards, his knowledge being so little, the mirror of reason.

"what a shame... all your friends who could help you are gone." really, it's like she pities bella and her kind, lonely heart. she pitites most people, i think, like when she laughed at lee during their duel, or gave merry a sickening smile shortly before being frozen. where her heart should be is empty - she is a cold and calculating being.

in ruina, the mirror is surrounded with frozen people, with the throne being the head of the circle. really, both her and bella have done this time and time again. bella has endured loss after loss, leaving entire worlds behind. the snow queen has killed person after person, snuffing flame after flame. her suicidd isn't much different. it's just, this time. it's a calm, slow end. bella puts up no fight or front of bravery, now. she just wants to return to her dreams of a better world. the queen will gladly show her this, in a place made only for themselves, where bella can finally be completely and utterly herself, in all it's flaws, without consequence. with all of her emotions overtaken by freezing cold, she can finally smile.

and she'll be preserved as an angel. she'll look beautiful, perfect, in this ice, like a bug in amber. she will always be the perfect kid.

also, in the og story, the shattered mirror wound up being made into things like glasses and windows. that fits well with bella's glasses. when kai's eye gets a tiny, tiny shard in it, he sees everything as distorted and ugly. but he sees perfection in snowflakes. the snow queen is made of them, the queen to the "snow bees" that are snowflakes. (they're actually described as snow bees in the story!)

#fc!bella #lc ocs #writing #THE SEQUEL! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉#may have repeated myself but eh #digging deeper into the motherly themes if i havent already! o7 #ft. the guilt #also the ;) is bc of the laundry room. prime example of the cracks and smiles despite the #m

14 notes · View notes

ghostypetrainer · 3 years ago

Text

concept: Both Ingo and Emmet fall into Hisui together. Emmet wakes to a world of snow and ice with his memories intact, and two of his Pokeballs still attached to his belt- Eelektross and Archeops, the same ones he brought with him on the Multi-Line that morning. The rest are missing. Ingo is collapsed in the snow next to him, unconscious. Emmet has a moment of panic, but a quick check of his brother’s pulse proves that he’s alive. Unlike him, his brother has no Pokemon with him.

Emmet knows they cannot stay here! Even though he does not know where here is. That is a verrry scary thought. He releases both his Pokemon, Archeops to scout ahead for signs of human life and Eelektross to protect them. He carries his brother on his back until Archeops spots a settlement of some kind and directs them to it. It’s an odd collection of tents in the snow, but it’s better than nothing.

Of course, people panic at the sight of Emmet, this stranger in white and red. But Warden Calaba is there, and she has long since learned the difference between a stranger and a Zoroark, and there’s desperation in the man’s voice. She allows them tentatively into the village, where she has him bring Ingo to the medic’s tent. He still hasn’t woken up. Emmet is getting increasingly worried.

The leader of this small settlement arrives- he learns through both his and Calaba’s broken Kantoian that this place is known as the Pearl Clan. The leader is a young girl named Irida, and she asks him many questions, and he tells them that they are from Unova, and he does not know how they got here, or even where here is. She tells him he is in... Hisui, he thinks she said? She asks if they are with the Galaxy Team. He shakes his head. He does not know what that is. They are Subway Bosses!

They do not seem to know what a Subway is.

Irida and Calaba debate in a language he does not know. They agree to let them stay until his brother wakes up, and then they will decide what to do from there. Emmet is getting the feeling that they do not like outsiders, but they still agreed to help his brother, so they cannot be bad people. He makes a passing remark about how fine the coat of Irida’s Eevee is, and though she only seems to understand every other word, she beams at the praise.

She asks about his Pokemon. He’s pretty sure they’re only getting every other word. He assures her they’re very tame, since he noticed the way the villagers were eying them. He saw some verrry strong looking Pokemon in the distance on his way here, so he thinks he can guess why.

Then finally, Ingo wakes up. Emmet is delighted. But... something is wrong. His brother’s stare is blank, vacant. He looks at him, and...

“...who are you?”

#ingo #emmet #submas #irida #pla calaba #good morning have somethingt hat has been rattling around in my head since last night #something something ingo permanently traded away the bulk of his memories in the rift to protect emmet from the same fate #emmet in hisui au

293 notes · View notes

lifblogs · 4 years ago

Text

Whumpay 2021: Day 27 - Accident

Missing All the Fun

read on ao3 1636 words graphic depictions of violence, star wars, the clone wars, prequels, obi-wan kenobi, anakin skywalker, hurt!obi-wan kenobi, fighter accident

Blast, this is why I hate flying.

Obi-Wan considered himself an excellent pilot (though he would never say so), but he still hated anything to do with flying. He wasn’t sure which he hated more, Anakin flying, or himself having to go into battle in his fighter.

Right now it was definitely the latter because if Anakin had been flying, perhaps his ridiculously fancy moves could have prevented all this. And by all this, well… First Obi-Wan had been fighting against the Separatist fleet, no problem, and then his ship had been shot at by vulture droids. Maneuvering away from those had caused him to crash into another fighter. His engines had died, but with nothing stopping his ship it just kept on moving. Now it’d been pulled into the planet’s orbit.

He didn’t fancy landing down there. All he saw as the ship was dragged in were mountains of ice and snow dotted with vast forests of deep green conifers.

Then, as if things weren’t bad enough, before he was within the atmosphere, the controls short-circuited, then overheated, and there was a fire in his cockpit. Problem with that was that the pressure was increasing. Increase enough, and… boom!

Not very pleasant, Obi-Wan decided.

The oxygen was decreasing too, the fire feeding off of it.

“Arfour, can’t you do anything about this?” Obi-Wan asked, voice pitched high with panic.

The droid beeped a non-committal answer at him even as she got to work.

In a few moments the computer was back online, except there was still the issue of the fire.

Arfour screeched and whirred at Obi-Wan as the ship plummeted into the atmosphere.

“No, no use,” he said, trying desperately to pull up. All that did was have the ship tilt wildly and then start barrel-rolling. Oh great. “Left engine’s still dead!” Arfour snapped at him. “Well, can you at least lower the pressure?” Obi-Wan asked, trying hard to not panic as the air became too hot, and his ears popped, and sweat was immediately soaked up from his body into the hot, dry air.

He tried to get control of the ship, feeling about it with the Force for some way to fix this predicament.

“Master, what kind of mess have you gotten yourself into this time?” Anakin asked.

Finally, someone who would know what to do.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” Obi-Wan argued.

Arfour sent him a message over the screen, and despite all the spinning and careening, he was able to take it in.

He tried to kill the engines, and thankfully air resistance and turbulence began to slow him down.

But still, there was Arfour’s plan.

“Are you serious?” he cried at her. “An explosion? Anakin, Arfour’s going to set off a controlled explosion on the ship.”

“With your pressure out of control that’s actually a great idea.”

Obi-Wan would’ve rolled his eyes if he wasn’t being thrashed about the cockpit.

“Of course he agrees with the droid,” he muttered.

“Arfour,” Anakin commanded, “hurry.”

“What?”

“Only way to depressurize the cockpit. Either that or I break the glass and you get sucked out and mercilessly crushed.”

“No, no thanks. I think I’ll stick with… with blowing up.”

Everything was beginning to grow blurry, the heat pressing in on him, smoke filling his lungs. He couldn’t even cough, had to just sit there and suffer from the forces around him that were out of his control.

The heat in the cockpit was rerouted to the back of the fighter, and a burst of explosion had the pressure returning to normal. Cold air filtered in, beginning to clear the smoke. Obi-Wan was relieved at being able to breathe properly again.

The explosion rocketed the ship forward and down, and Anakin began to join him in the insane dive.

“If I can attach my cables—”

“No use,” Obi-Wan said after a cough, gasping. “Your ship will just get caught up in this whole mess.”

Still, Anakin tried to attach the cable.

The cable attached just fine, but now his engines had to work doubly hard to try and slow the momentum of Obi-Wan’s fighter.

It pulled Anakin’s own fighter along, and to Obi-Wan’s surprise, he heard his former Padawan laughing. Laughing!

“Don’t tell me you’re enjoying this.”

“And you’re not?”

“I hate flying.”

“Don’t worry, Master. I got you.”

More cables were attached, and at the right angles to minimize the amount Anakin’s engines would have to work.

Obi-Wan’s ship slowed, but they couldn’t get it to stop.

It hit the trees, Anakin’s fighter detaching just beforehand, and then it collided with the icy, rocky ground.

~~~

The cockpit was being forced open when Obi-Wan came to. It was something he could feel more than he could see. Blood was dripping into his eyes, and his head absolutely ached. His whole body ached, his spine feeling as if it had been ripped from his body and then put back piece by piece in the wrong order. His tailbone and hips and even his pelvis were alight with pain, like it was some substance he’d been injected with.

Bitingly cold air met him, and then strong hands grabbed him. Groaning, he was dragged from the cockpit.

An arm wiped over his face, and he blinked open his eyes. Oh, fantastic. The world was spinning.

He tried to fight it, but it was too much. Anakin’s worried face amongst a cold, clear day swam in his vision. He closed his eyes, moaning in distress.

“Don’t worry, I called down a gunship. Kix and some of the other guys are on their way. Are you alright?”

“It’s bloody cold!” Obi-Wan complained.

Anakin must’ve shed his robe because then Obi-Wan was being lifted up, and it was being placed between him and the snow. The upper part of his body was dragged into Anakin’s lap.

A droid nudged at his arm, an arm he wished he could pull back from the stingingly frigid metal.

“Arfour…” he got out.

“Yes, she’s fine. Hey, Artoo, leave it! We’ll have to take his fighter back to a cruiser and get it fixed up there. There’s nothing you can do.”

“How… How bad is it?” Obi-Wan asked.

“You or the ship?”

Obi-Wan tried to laugh, but that jarred him too much, and he curled into Anakin, groaning in pain.

“Both.”

“Ship’s worse than you, so that’s good.”

“Well I can’t imagine what condition it’s in if I feel like this.”

“I did a scan before I got you out. Nothing’s broken.”

“Joy.”

Obi-Wan began to shiver in the cold. Anakin was as well, but he didn’t complain. Years ago he would’ve. Years ago he was a boy whose only concept was dastardly dry heat that felt like it could suck out one’s very will to live. Now here he was in the cold, probably turning blue like Obi-Wan, yet all he did was hold him, remain sturdy for him.

Guilt struck him at that, when his bleary and addled brain could make sense of it. He was the master wasn’t he? He was supposed to take care of Anakin. Not the other way around.

Yet there he was, holding him, doing what he could to shield him from the wind.

“We’re in the atmosphere, approaching your location now,” Obi-Wan heard through the comms, but didn’t really make sense of it.

His legs were beginning to have sharp pains shooting down them. There wasn’t much that could be done for now. He just hoped beyond hope that sometime soon someone would put a large, cushy pillow under his hips.

Anakin temporarily removed his arm from Obi-Wan and said into the comms, “Good, you’re missing all the fun.”

The wind picked up as the gunship came in. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, not able to take not fully knowing what was going on. Anakin swam in his vision. Besides that, his vision was beginning to work fine. But the information his brain was getting began to make less and less sense.

Anakin spoke, his voice seeming to be traveling through a vast tunnel, “Don’t worry, Obi-Wan. You’re gonna be alright.”

Obi-Wan reached up for him with a trembling arm, tried to nod, and then he lost all sense.

~~~

“Here!” Anakin called through the flurry of snow, waving his arm to get the attention of Kix and the men. They rushed over, and Anakin reluctantly relinquished his master to their care.

“Can your fighter get off-world?” Boil asked.

“I’ll be fine. Just get him stable and make sure he gets back to his cruiser in one piece. I’ll be along shortly. And get Arfour on board!”

“Right away, sir.”

Fives was shouting orders, and getting to work, even as the stretcher took Obi-Wan away.

Boil stayed behind to place a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, and just from that simple touch, he felt some of the tension coiled tight in him bleed out of him. “Don’t worry, sir. He’ll be okay. You did good.”

Anakin nodded, and grasped his arm. “You did too. Okay, get him home.”

With a nod, Boil was off, jogging to join the rest of the men.

“Force, it’s karking cold,” Anakin complained, body shuddering painfully as he climbed to his feet. “Artoo, come on. We still have a fight to win.”

Artoo beeped in excitement, and Anakin laughed.

Before he got into his fighter, he spared one last glance for Obi-Wan. The gunship doors slid closed.

Right. Now time to focus.

Anakin fired up the thrusters and the engines and took off. Through the comms he said, “Blue squadron, I’m coming back to you.”

“Good, we saved some blaster fire for you,” Broadside answered.

With a fierce grin, Anakin responded, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His fighter left the atmosphere, and then orbit. Back into the fray.

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars: the clone wars #star wars: the clone wars fanfiction #the clone wars #the clone wars fanfiction #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #hurt!obi-wan kenobi #whump #tw: graphic depictions of violence #fanfiction #writing #my writing

17 notes · View notes

blooddrop-palace · 3 years ago

Text

DMC-OC-Week Day 4

(No images this time. I ran out!)

Seraphina Valkyrie

Something she likes:

“There’s so much I couldn’t believe I missed during my twenty-something years being lost in Hell. It’s strange to think that during that time, Vergil was also suffering in a similar way… often not himself, broken, desperate, and searching. Since coming back, I’ve had so much worry on my mind. On the first opportunity back in Fortuna where I could afford a little peace, I didn’t know how I was going to go forward with either Nero or Vergil. But then Kyrie, blessed little Kyrie who was barely a year old last I had seen her, made her mother’s tiramisu recipe for us all.

“It was one of my favorite desserts back when her parents invited me over for dinner. And I had shared some of this dessert with Vergil once before. To know that Nero also has a fondness for it, especially since it’s from Kyrie, makes me feel that everything is going to be okay. We will have more shared experiences to bridge off of this. Maybe I wouldn’t have to choose between Nero’s comfort or Vergil’s feelings. Maybe I’ll be able to have them both in my life, and bring them closer, too. We won’t make the most fairytale of families, and that’s okay. I simply wish to give them the love that they deserve.”

Something she dislikes:

“There’s no one singular way to describe this dislike of mine… but perhaps it’s simple to say that I loathe injustice. The problem with justice, however, is that it can often be a personal view.

“But I’ve suffered injustice. Nero has suffered similar injustice. Vergil, too, has suffered injustice. Would I be able to flay Sanctus alive, or to also go up against Mundus, I would not hesitate. People who will make others suffer just to make themselves feel better or bigger are a blight upon mankind. I have no sympathy for the fool that scorns love and promotes pain. And I am not above spilling the blood of villains.”

Kassandra King

Something she likes:

“It’s a bit cheap for me to say this, since this is somewhat of a family trait ingrained into our bloodline, but I like children. We all eventually become parental.

“That said, it’s one of the reasons why there are usually a lot of children in this family. We thrive as a family and as our own little community. And children are an absolute blessing, even when they are at their worst. To care for them and teach them how to become their own individual person is something that satisfies the Hive blood within us, because family is everything.”

Something she dislikes:

“This might sound odd from someone like me, who knows how to seduce and works at a strip club for fun… but when it comes down to more than that, I don’t do well with the whole ‘no strings attached’ thing.

“I feel guilty every time. I guess I just… crave a meaningful connection.”

Arabella

Something she likes:

“Oh, I’ve always liked peace and quiet… but I don’t think that’s the question here. I suppose I could count seafood as something I like. Does it provide much sustenance for a devil like me? Not as much as blood and red orbs. But seafood and the way humans might prepare it is not something we have in Hell. Fortuna being an island city was a good thing for me, even centuries after Sparda had left. I would mingle among the populace like a wraith, working part time here and there to earn the money just to enjoy human food and even check out what new establishments are built over time. The simple joys were like lovely little dreams… and devils seldom dream for enjoyment.”

Something she dislikes:

“The greatest dislike I have is when others take from me without my permission. I am, after all, very territorial and possessive. I can tolerate the human concept of borrowing, but in the end I am still a devil. Still, there is much I have learnt from humans. I can tolerate a little trespassing here and there while I’m in the human world. I would rather my children be able to live happily here, than to struggle for their survival in the Underworld.”

Snow

Something she likes:

“Oh there are a lot of things I like! Alfredo pasta, stuffed crust pizza, peach cobblers with French vanilla ice cream… okay, those are all pretty boring answers. Here’s something I really like and I’m really good at: music rhythm games. DDR, Band Hero, or any other number of music arcade games? I will high score and perfect-combo all of them! My name is on top of the charts for all of the local arcades, and yes, I’m proud of myself. Devil Hunter’s gotta have some fun, after all!”

Something she dislikes:

“Look. When I first brought this up, a number of people found this amusing and laughable… specifically the people from the, uh, Devil May Cry side of things.

“But olives suck, okay? And you know what I don’t understand? How is olive oil so amazing, but olives suck so hard? Olive oil is this lovely soft but fragrant taste but the stupid olive itself has a flavor that stings my senses!

“I think dad has the right idea. Olives can go to hell.”

Noel

Something she likes:

“Something I like? Uh…I like pasta, I guess?

“I should give more specific or in-depth examples? I don’t know… I try not to want too much. I guess I like fruits. Strawberries are good. I mean… okay so I guess I like sweets?

“This is tough. I don’t think too much about what I like. If I think too much about what makes me feel good right now, all that comes to mind is the… the rush from fighting demons.

“And I don’t like that. I don’t want to relish it. It feels… wrong.”

Something she dislikes:

“I don’t want to be alone. Don’t like not belonging. I guess that’s about it. There’s too much that I could really dig in about, but I have so little left that I can’t be worrying about what I dislike. I need to grasp what I do like and never let go. That’s what I need to do.”

Anthony and Caesar:

Something Tony likes:

“Eh? Sure. Plenty. I like pizza. But who doesn’t like pizza? I like rock and punk and metal and grunge. Nothing wrong with that, right? Alright I like to jam, too. I like to wrestle with dad… could add Uncle V to the list, too. Caesar doesn’t like to do a lot of fighting and stuff, but I hope he’ll like the idea of maybe us two challenging Dad and Uncle V to a fight at some point. I also like video games. Caesar also studies all that fancy programming stuff so I get to playtest. It’s pretty great.”

Something Caesar likes:

“You’d be surprised to know that I’m only lukewarm about books. Literature isn’t really my thing. Technology is a more fascinating avenue for me. There’s a lot of potential and a lot to look forward to in the future for the advancement of technology. I do a bit of hacking work but it’s not really my main thing. Still, if I don’t keep an eye on the security around the house, we’d have problems other than demons in our house. What, fighting? I don’t hate it. But I guess the difference between me and my older twin is that he’s the sporty one and I’m the more academic one. Don’t treat me like a pushover, though. I’m far from it. If Tony needs me at his back, I’m there, and I’m no slouch.”

Something Tony dislikes:

“Fuck olives. And also fuck any demon critter that is too fast for my axe. But I guess that’s why I deal with the heavyweights and Caesar can deal with the critters.”

Something Caesar dislikes:

“I tend to dislike…lack of effort. What I mean is… if something is preventable, why not make sure to take care of it? Inefficiency just takes away from the long run. Hefty things with too much excess weighing it down… both literally and metaphorically, I’m not fond of it. But I suppose that’s why I handle the details and the intricate problems, and I can always trust Tony to handle the clunkier things.”

#Devil May Cry #dmcocweek #oc #original characters

8 notes · View notes

bestworstcase · 4 years ago

Text

it’s feeling gutted about how wasted zhan tiri’s character was hours. like tts really pulled together a few esoteric bits of lore, an evil tree, and some quirky villain of the week disciples and then hired a phenomenal voice actress all so they could… use this character like a cattle prod to make cass do the evil thing. and then killed her off in the most anticlimactic way possible at the end and never elaborated on any of her lore. like. holy missed opportunity batman.

and it’s hard to dissect without discussing cassandra’s arc too, because zhan tiri and cassandra are so intertwined in season three, but even in this regard there feels like so much potential wasted because both of them are so vacuous in season three that they can’t even properly be discussed as foils; they’re just there, making the plot happen more or less by authorial fiat.

and… tts has always had an issue with needing to position rapunzel at the epicenter of everything, to the detriment of other character arcs and also the plot. but it is breathtaking to me that zhan tiri was given such a vital role in the plot without a single drop of character development to go with it, for the sake of her not pulling oxygen from the cass/raps friendship?

fuck THAT.

i’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who was inordinately keen on zhan tiri as a concept from the minute i watched QFAD, and someone who spun a whole character out of her appearances in s1-2 before s3 even started airing and will always prefer my version over canon’s. i’m deeply biased here. but it seems to me that the logical, the obvious thing to do with this character whose sole narrative purpose is to facilitate cassandra taking the moonstone, is to MAKE HER A FOIL TO CASSANDRA.

and it baffles me that tts did not do that. i think perhaps the intention was for them to be understood as foils, but that only works in OAH and even then, only in the most shallow way because it’s all built on the question of whether cass is a villain or not… which is a moral question, only tangentially related to characterization.

but this isn’t really a post about how tts failed zhan tiri as a character so much as it is mulling over bitter snow and like…why zhan tiri is the way she is, because frankly i did not give a lot of thought to who zhan tiri was as a person (“person”) before i started writing og bitter snow—she was very much an intuitive “this feels correct” creature of my imagination—and now that i’m in the thick of the revamp and writing an actual serious story in which she is a significant player i’m trying to… clarify the why of these writing choices for myself.

and it’s about cassandra. at the end of the day that’s really all it is; zhan tiri as i impulsively characterized her is cassandra’s narrative foil. lmao

cass is a character who desperately wants things but cannot articulate her true goal, because she doesn’t know what it is. she is so full of ambition and anger and despair because she has this tremendous unnamed desire that she cannot give voice to and cannot fulfill, and all she knows for sure is she doesn’t have it yet, and the longer she waits for it and the harder she tries to reach it the more she seems to lose. she wants to be a guard. she wants her dad to trust her. she wants to keep rapunzel safe. she wants rapunzel to trust her. she wants…what?

and then she meets zhan tiri in the house of yesterdays tomorrow, and she learns something terrible, and she cuts herself off from rapunzel and takes the moonstone for herself. and then…what?

cassandra’s journey as a character is (or should have been) about unraveling this great internal mystery, about FIGURING OUT what this lack is and how to fill it.

and that is why bitter snow zhan tiri is, fundamentally, hunger. she IS want. she IS desire. she is an insatiable craving that can never be met. she knows precisely what she wants—satisfaction—but that is impossible for her to achieve and she knows that too… but she can’t escape her nature. she can’t stop wanting. she can’t stop taking. but she is so, so old and she has lived and grown and changed herself so much and she’s tired.

so she meets cassandra and feels this kinship. they both are driven by this terrible, implacable urge for something that they can’t reach, and they have both been vicious, selfish, irrational, short-sighted, and self-destructive in pursuit of what they want. zhan tiri can empathize, perhaps more than any other character in the cast, with how excruciatingly painful it is for cass to have this empty feeling she can’t describe and can’t fill, because in a sense that pain IS zhan tiri. or zhan tiri IS that pain.

but cass is also human and she has the potential for relief in a way that zhan tiri does not. and… i think there is at once a compassion and a resentment that grows from this, for cass and for any mortal zhan tiri has gotten attached to over the years. she doesn’t want cass to suffer but she also covets her relief.

and cassandra in turn gets caught up in compassion for this ancient being who is at once so alien and so familiar, and like. i think one of the key reasons s3 was ultimately so unsatisfying is that cassandra never had any…bond with zhan tiri. because in my head there was already this whole vast complicated relationship built on cass and zhan tiri identifying so intensely with each other and cass wanting to understand and coming to see her as not just an advisor or confidante but as a *friend* and someone she wanted to *help* and yet them also being so different in such a small but vital way and the tension that created—and s3 gave me NONE of that. i loved it in OAH when zhan tiri did the “we’re not so different, you and i” but i loved it because it spoke to the character *i* made, the relationship *i* developed, not the one that actually played out on screen where cass didn’t even know zhan tiri’s name.

(and this is not even GETTING INTO how if you want to lean into the s3 zhan tiri backstory tidbits even more you could go absolutely nuts with the ziti+demanitus / cassandra+rapunzel parallels because W H O O F)

#bitter snow #*cries in cass+ziti* why weren’t they FRIENDS

22 notes · View notes

collectsfallenstars · 5 years ago

Text

Lee Gon’s 3 Rules and How and When He Fell In Love With Jeong TaeEul: An Analysis in 2 parts

Part 1: Love like You Row

It’s pretty easy to say that Lee Gon starts off in “The King: Eternal Monarch” already in love with Jeong TaeEul and he remains in that constant state all throughout the series. That his character is that flat, as flat as the world according to Jeong TaeEul. While it may be true that his character remains deeply devoted to her all throughout, I’m here to show you that he isn’t a flat character. Aside from the external struggle he has with his uncle Lee Lim, and convincing TaeEul of his identity and depth of feeling for her, loving TaeEul also forced him to confront certain things.

On their first chicken dinner together in episode 2 which felt more like an extension of his interrogation instead of a friendly dinner, Lee Gon finds out exactly what kind of person he’s dealing with with Jeong TaeEul. He had just thanked her for being the reason why he survived the last 25 years of his life after his father had been murdered. She was tied to that one great big mystery of his life and he had wanted to find her all these years. Now she was there, eating dinner with him. But she didn’t believe anything he said, almost canceling out his entire existence because she did not have enough proof.

We are then taken to a flashback of baby Lee Gon talking with Lady Noh about the night his father was murdered while a cute baby Maximus ran around in the background. Lady Noh hands over the two things Lee Gon had held onto that night – half of the broken bamboo flute and Jeong TaeEul’s ID. And then little Lee Gon asks,

“DO YOU THINK IT’S HERE, THE REASON WHY I SURVIVED THAT DAY?”

The flashback ends and we are brought back to the present time with Lee Gon asking TaeEul,

“WHY DO YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY?”

This was a very good juxtaposition of events. As a child, the question of why he survived had been foremost in his mind. That’s him questioning the purpose of his existence and he’s tied it to these two objects – the flute and TaeEul’s ID. One is a symbol of utter power, and the other, I suppose, is love, or his destiny.

And all his life he believed held on to the idea that his life had purpose, had meaning, and it was tied to this woman, before him, who sat there not believing anything at all. She tells him to stay put till she gets back his DNA test and he takes it out of context and asks her,

“ANYTHING ELSE? IS THERE ANY OTHER REASON? THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD? COULD THERE BE A REASON?”

This is him grasping at straws, a little desperately. He’s basically asking her to tell him, give him his purpose. He’s waiting for her to say, “I want you to stay because of me.” To hand it over to him. But of course, TaeEul thought it was all bullshit.

In Lee Gon’s world, he’s the king. He has never needed his existence to be validated. And he has always been sure of who he was. But one thing he was never sure of was his why he survived that night, his purpose. So he tied his purpose to the flute and to TaeEul. He had probably hoped that he would find it if he could just find her.

And he did find her. But she doesn’t believe he exists. She doesn’t believe his Kingdom of Corea exists. And the only reason, she says, that she’s helping him is just so she can send him back home and get rid of him.

He realizes two things here. Just because he found Jeong TaeEul doesn’t mean he gets an instant answer as to what his purpose is for surviving that night. And just because he’s spent the last 25 years attached to the idea of TaeEul doesn’t mean that the moment she sees him, she’ll come running into his arms like a long lost love. There is no love. At least, just yet.

This must have been a lonely time for Lee Gon. After this scene, we are shown a clip of him visiting an exhibit of Korea’s last monarch. The building occupies the same place where he and his father were attacked in the Kingdom of Corea. But that history of the royal family doesn’t even include his line. He has no identity, no history, no purpose.

And in this world, if he wanted purpose, it wasn’t just going to be a simple find Jeong TaeEul and she’ll give you the answer. He’ll actually have to work for it, find it by solving the mystery of the bamboo flute and work on building a real connection with Jeong TaeEul.

He finds out exactly how to best do that on this dinner too. When Jeong TaeEul answers his question about why she wont’ believe him, she says,

“IS THAT HOW BELIEF WORKS? I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THE EARTH IS ROUND.”

It’s in this part when he realizes they don’t see the world in the same way. I like how he doesn’t force her to believe him just because he believes it, doesn’t guilt her into seeing things his way. You know how most people would go, this is how I see it. why cant you see it my way? Nope. He shuts up. He listens to her and understands that she needs to see things before she can believe them, and works with that instead of trying to change her mind.

He takes on 3 tasks. He must first convince her that he is telling the truth about his identity. He next has to convince her that parallel worlds exist. Once those two things are done, it will be easier for him to convince her that his feelings for her are real. He then formulates a plan the only way a mathematician and a rower would, tailor fitting it to meet Jeong TaeEul needs. I've written about this on a previous post, detailing how Jeaong TaeEul’s feelings for Lee Gon devloped exactly because of this method. If you’re interested, you can just scroll down my tumblr. It’s in there somewhere.

As I said, he looks at situations like a mathematical equation. If there’s a problem, there has to be a solution. A beautiful one. And his solutions are pretty simple. Patience and honesty. Every time she asks him anything about his identity and where he’s from, he will tell always tell the truth. No matter how many times she asks the same question, he will always give her the same answer. This is why rowing is such a perfect sport for him. He makes repetitive motions, moving in a single direction and onwards until the finish line. That’s exactly how he was with Jeong TaeEul. Keep telling the truth until she believes. But he won’t try to force her to believe him before she’s ready and endures it every time she insults him or accuse of fictionalizing everything.

If you look at episode 3, on what’s probably their 2nd chicken and beer dinner, he tells her,

“YOU GOT NOTHING ON MY DNA RESULTS. BUT YOU STILL CAN’T REALLY BELIEVE ME, RIGHT? SO WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THERE IS NO INFORMATION AT ALL ABOUT ME IN THIS WORLD.”

He leans forward on the table again, making the gap between them slightly smaller. Notice that he doesn’t make the conclusion for her. He just asks her the questions. He lets her make the conclusion on her own; and gives her time until she’s ready to actually say it out loud that she believes him, which won’t be until the 5th episode.

Having gotten no results for his DNA and fingerprints should point TaeEul towards the existence of another world where he does exist. But keep in mind that TaeEul needs to see something before she believes it. And no results mean no evidence. No evidence means, it’s all bullcrap form TaeEul. So when he tells her,

“I HOPE YOUR EARTH CAN BECOME ROUND SOON.”

He is saying “I know you can’t see it, but I hope you believe that my parallel world exists, and that I exist for you.” Just like the world being round. He’s essentially preparing her for what’s to come next. And it has nothing to do with seeing his world and him being king because those are things she will be able to see for herself. He’s preparing her for one of the greatest leaps of faith of all time – believing in love. It is, after all, an intangible concept. You can’t see it, you can only feel it to know it exists.

Now, when the time finally came that TaeEul got all the evidence that she needed and was finally prepared to believe him, he was still very patient with her as he answered all of her questions about her ID card that was issued exactly when he said it would be.

He goes to her, gathers her hair together in ponytail in one hand, and holds on to the side of her neck with the other, while he answered all her questions correctly, getting rid of her last excuses for not believing him. He is literally and figuratively holding her steady, as her world kind of fell apart knowing that she had been wrong all this time. He didn’t jump with glee or anything because he was right and she was wrong. He understood how this must have been terrifying for her and he kind of just was there for her to help her keep it together. Then he offers her his other world, letting her decide if she wants to see it for herself.

“DO YOU WANT TO SEE FOR YOURSELF? COME WITH ME TO MY WORLD.”

He holds her hand, pulls her to Maximus, puts both her hands on his shoulders and he puts this woman who had never watched fairy tales on a white horse fit for a prince and princess. I swear, when snow started falling in this scene, Maximus turned into unicorn for me. It was that magical.

Physically, you can see him become more protective of her in this instant. He closes his hand over hers. Puts her hands on his shoulders as if to tell her you can depend on me, you can trust me. He cages TaeEul between his arms as they ride off. And even when they get to Corea, he still has her inside his arms in a protective circle, asks the guards to step back because he knows exactly how flat earther Jung TaeEul will feel in a parallel world.

He already knows she’s a strong capable woman. But he didn’t hesitate to provide comfort and protection because he understood that even the strongest ones may need comfort and protection at times.

He does gloat here, a little.

“SEE? I WAS RIGHT, WASN’T I?”

Still on his horse, he leans closer to her, almost speaking right into her ear. His lips quite possibly less than two inches away from her earlobe. I mean…if I was Kim Goeun I’d be shivering with want. But of course, she’s very busy taking in the fact that a parallel world exists so maybe her libido is in the backburner for now. But when she turns her head to face him, and it was , quite possibly, the sweetest, most electrifying non kiss kiss ever.

Now at this point, he seems to have ticked off all his tasks. Convinced her he’s a king. Convinced her that a parallel world exist. Now the next thing to do is to convince her that his feelings, 25 years in the making, are real.

Part 2: Love of a Monarch with a Scar

But how real are his feelings? Because the Jeong TaeEul he’s now with is very different from whatever he imagined Jeong TaeEul to be when he was 8 years old! That’s actually the first thing he had to confront the moment he met TaeEul at Gwanghwamun Square. After they bicker and he insults her intelligence by asking,

“IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT A PARALLEL WORLD IS. DID YOU NOT STUDY SCIENCE?”

He finally observes something about her. He says,

“IS THIS WHAT YOUR PERSONALITY IS LIKE? I HAVE NEVER IMAGINED IT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SOFTER. THIS IS NEW.”

And this signals to the audience that he is aware that the Jeong TaeEul he had imagined and possibly loved for the last 25 years is different from the real Jeong TaeEul. He might have arrived at the scene loving only the idea of TaeEul but as soon as the 2nd episode, he takes it upon himself to actually educate himself on all things Jeong TaeEul, setting aside all of his built up notions about her.

In the precinct, even in the midst of his interrogation, he takes the time to really look at her and come to a decision that she “LOOKED BETTER IN REAL LIFE.” So that’s great right, he prefers the 3 dimensional version of her as opposed to a picture. And then when TaeEul finally released him from jail, he reveals that he has already pumped Eunsup for information about her life. He is making sure that he gets to know her right from the get go. It was also on the 2nd episode that he went to the library to get to know her world’s history. He looked up the poet Kim SoWol and bought his book before going back to his world, just because TaeEul randomly quoted him during their conversation in the bamboo forest in episode 3.

Now he didn’t completely let go of his imagined version of a TaeEul because he did manage to get a short glimpse of a softer TaeEul during their early days together. Time had to stop before he could see this softer side of hers because at this point, she still didn’t believe anything he said and was less likely to trust him enough to show him her softer side. So when time stopped, that was the first time he got to see the TaeEul he had imagined all this time. It was just there, buried underneath the hard, flat-earther exterior. He just had to wait til the 9th episode to finally see this softer, sweeter side of hers.

He also asks her important questions like, “Why did you become a detective?” which is essential when you’re trying to get to know someone. You ask them about their dreams to get an idea about the kind of person they are. Now, when TaeEeul answers,

“NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CAN BE BRAVE. SO I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”

it absolutely fascinated him. For someone who’s had his life set for him the moment he was born, the fact that someone can make a choice about which direction to take their lives must have amazed him. He admires this trait, that she can make a decision to be a cop just like that.

Notice also that she didn’t say, “I am brave so I joined the police force.” She said, I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.” If you look at Lee Gon, the kind of decisions he tends to make are what to do. Do I leave for my home? Do I stay a little bit more? Do I give her my name? But the one thing TaeEul shows him is that he can make decisions on what kind of person he wants to be, just as she did. So as he’s getting to know her, learning her, he’s also learning from her.

Why is this important? Because his identity is tied to him being a King. There’s a flashback of his time with his father on episode 4 where the father talks about the duties of a king. He asks,

“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FULFILL THIS CALLING, GON?”

So it’s all about performing a duty that is attached to the title of King. CAN YOU DO IT? It is never about what kind of King do you want to be? Which makes this part very important.

After she talks about her own dreams and what she wanted for herself, she asks him,

“SO THAT’S MY STORY. TELL ME WHAT KIND OF KING YOU ARE. A YOUNG, HANDSOME, AND RICH KING?”

This question appears to pleasure him, as much as bother him. He answers,

“A ROWER, MATHEMATICIAN, A WELL-GROWN ORPHAN, AND THE OWNER OF THE FOUR TIGER SWORD. A KING WHO HAS NEVER BEEN ASKED SUCH A QUESTION AND TRYING HIS BEST NOT TO PANIC.”

This is her asking him, “How have you been doing as a king so far?” How are you? A question on his well being as a king. Like whenever he returns to her from his world, he always asks how she has been and if she’s been well. It appears to have the same effect on him. It pleases him to know that she wants to know he has been doing.

But then, he also has no idea how to answer her question. And this makes him panic.

Since no one ever bothered to ask him what kind of person, what kind of King did he want to be, he never thought about it. He just simply accepted that he was a king and had to fulfill the duties that came with it. It probably never occurred to him that he can decide what kind of king he wanted to be. It wasn’t just a job, which I suspect is how he sees it. That’s why he likes escaping from time to time when it becomes too much. But here was Jeong TaeEul, teaching him how to be a better King because being a cop is so much more than just a job for TaeEul. Lee Gon is slowly becoming a better King, just by talking to TaeEul. Imagine how much more glorious he would become once he gives himself fully to her, and she reciprocates that love?

Ironically though, this love that taught him how to choose to brave is the same love that he has to give up when he finally chooses to be a brave King and save both worlds. But, we still have one more episode so that’s still up in the air.

Now, let’s go back to simpler times when their only problem was themselves and their own trust issues. So as I said, he makes great effort to really get to know her and once he was able to tell apart the Jeong TaeEul in his imagination and the Jeong TaeEul in reality, he lets her know that he much prefers the real version of TaeEul. At the end of episode two, he tells her,

“YOU’RE ALWAYS BUSY AND YOU DON’T CARE MUCH FOR ME. BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M POWERLESS HERE. BUT IT’S FINE. YOU ARE MUCH MORE AMAZING THAN I HAD IMAGINED.

This moment was especially pitiful because he said this after revealing to her that he felt hurt that she kept leaving him when she’s the only person he knows in this world. But even through his hurt feelings, he is able to understand why she does this. He understands that she’s busy, that she has a life, and that to her, he was simply just a stranger. So if we jump to episode 8, when TaeEul asks him if he would have fallen for her if she had been rude and decided not to help him, Lee Gon really wasn’t lying when he said,

“I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT UNDERSTANDING WOULD HAVE LED ME TO FALL FOR YOU.”

Because he was already doing it as early as the 2nd episode. She had just upset him and there he was, understanding why and still finding her amazing despite it all. He tells her this in what seems like a love confession, at first, but it really isn’t. When he compares her to the number Zero, he’s essentially saying that she alone can make him weak but at the same time, has the power to give him strength. And that whenever he felt trapped, she was the only one had the power to save him – like that night of treason. He was seeing firsthand the effect she has on him. And he sees that

she already has this much power and influence over him even without an established relationship. That’s how much power he has handed to her by the simple fact that he has hung on to her existence for the last 25 years.

This was not a confession of love but somehow, it feels heavier than that. I appreciate how he didn’t rush to say the words I love you to her at this moment, but instead chose to show her what she meant to him.

I feel like saying I love is sometimes a cop out, you know. I’m just gonna lump all these feelings for you together and call it love. But Lee Gon does not do that. He constantly reveals to her how she affects him. He is constant in allowing himself to be vulnerable and honest with how he feels for her.

“YOU LOOK BETTER IN REAL LIFE” is attraction.

“WHY ARE YOU TYING YOUR HAIR? DON’T TIE YOUR HAIR,” is a marked preference for the TaeEul in real life because the TaeEul in his imagination has her hair gathered in a low ponytail.

“DON’T GO. IT TOOK 25 YEARS FOR ME TO MEET YOU. I HOPE TODAY WILL BE A LONG DAY,” is him begging, or bargaining for more time with her after having pined after her for so long. And he doesn’t hide the fact that he has pined for her for a long time.

“THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. BECAUSE YOU EXISTED SOMEWHERE, I WAS LESS LONELY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS,” is deep gratitude. Just the thought of her somewhere brought him comfort in his lonely life and that’s a powerful thing. Most people depend on an actual presence of a person for them to be significant enough in their life. But for Lee Gon, just the idea of her had been enough.

“THAT’S COOL, LT. JUNG TAE EUL,” is open admiration for her character and spirit.

But I think what really drove it home for me, and also my favorite declaration of devotion, is when he said, “I IMAGINED BRINGING YOU HERE LOTS OF TIMES BEFORE” when she asked him why he looked so calm after bringing her into the palace and the entire staff erupted in disarray. It is a very simple line, but so naked in its honesty. And Lee MinHo delivers it with the glee of a child who opens his gift on Christmas morning, gets exactly what he wants, and proceeds to tell his parents thank you because he’s dreamed of it all year long and now it’s his. Except for Lee Gon, he’s dreamed of it for 25 years already. Just the weight of that longing is flabbergasting. Can you imagine anyone loving you this much?

However, for all of Lee Gon’s openness about how he feels for TaeEul, I don’t think he ever fully allowed her into his world until the 6th episode. And this is because of the 3 rules he has always abided by when it comes to himself and all three are rooted in his trauma from that night of treason in 1994.

He doesn’t eat food that hasn’t been tasted beforehand.

No one touches his body.

No one can call him by his name.

Now the first two are broken as early as the 1st and 2n d episode. TaeEul cuffs him at Gwanghwamun Square and once more back in the precinct. Then on the 3rd episode, she tapped Lee Gon on the shoulder on her way to the restroom. By this time, he’s not even protesting when she touches him, he even welcomes it now. And this is growth for him, considering the last time someone touched him in such close proximity, he almost died. And on their first dinner together, he actually surrenders that rule willingly, using that point to tell her what the idea of her has done to comfort him for the last 25 years.

But his last rule, the one rule he clung steadfastly to, was the one that did not allow anyone to call him by his name. He consistently refused to give her his name in the first 4 episodes, and even when he finally did give it to her at the start of the 5th episode, he still stuck to the rule. He gave her his name, but she is still not allowed to use it.

Now, on episodes 5 and 6, we see him on uber boyfriend mode. He’s like a kid who finally got a puppy. Here, let me take care of you. Here let me feed you. Here let me give you alcohol. Here let me kiss you. Here let me pick you up when you’re stranded. Let me play with your hand and show everyone how I feel about you. Let me pat your head to comfort you when you’re lonely.

He’s basically a giver. Let me love you. But the danger in being with someone like this is that they control what part of them you’re getting, because they pick and choose, very frequently, so you never feel like you’re lacking for any affection. But you’ll never know the full extent of what they’re giving and holding back because they won’t let you in. And he hasn’t. At least, not completely.

TaeEul had to find out the whole deal with Lee Lim and the night of treason by google searching Lee Gon and his family. When he tells her,

“I GUESS YOU NOW KNOW WHAT ROOT YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF. IT’S MY HELL AND MY HISTORY THAT WAS ENGRAVED ON MY BODY BY THE GREED OF THE PERSON THAT KILLED MY FATHER AND STRANGLED ME.”

he simply confirms what she found out. But he didn’t offer the story himself. No matter how vulnerable he is with everything else, this source of his trauma is still something he struggles with. And the way that he clings to the rule that his name must never be called by anyone is a manifestation of this.

Names are deeply personal and the people who are close enough to him to say it out loud are both dead. So since he was 8, his name has never been called. He has always existed as Pyeha to everyone and this safe distance has guaranteed him safety. No one will ever get close enough to try and murder him like his uncle did. But this also afforded him great loneliness. Because Pyeha is only a title but being King has swallowed up his entire existence. That’s why he panicked when TaeEul asked him what kind of King he was. That’s why the idea of his purpose for surviving that night still evades him. Because if he doesn’t know who he is beyond the title of Pyeha, or King, it’s going to be hard to find out his purpose too.

And his name is his last barrier against TaeEul. He’s given her everything, except for the right to call him by his name. But she doesn’t wait for it. She punches right through his wall when she said,

“I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, LEE GON.”

And he is left there, dumbfounded, because she dared. He says,

“I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED. BUT I GUESS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CALLED ONLY BY YOU.”

And with this, by calling him by his name, she is now the person closest to him. And the impact that this had on him was huge. He’s been an orphan since he was 8 and no one has probably called his name with love until now. She just blasted his whole world wide open. And this, I think, must have been the moment when Lee Gon fell in love with Jeong TaeEul, completely, helplessly, and fiercely.

#the king eternal monarch #thekingeternalmonarch #lee gon #leegon #jeongtaeeul #jeong tae eul #leeminho #kimgoeun #lee min ho #kim go eun #kdrama #analysis

112 notes · View notes

silver-wield · 5 years ago

Note

I’m sorry in advance. This is a long rant. I think the main reason I can't accept this "SOLDIER!Cloud loves A” thing is because I've always felt that the whole love triangle nonsense was introduced solely to make the players invested in A. Let's face it, the biggest reason people were devastated when she died is because they were invested in her potential romance with Cloud. It was the easiest and cheapest way to make sure the devs achieved their goal. (1/5)

But in their desperation to reach that goal at any cost, the devs ended up damaging other things along the way. Having Tifa in the background until A was out of the picture was such a dumb move. It’s obvious they didn’t want any other character to outshine her. Creating this illusion of Cloud loving A served no purpose in the story. And Aerith herself didn’t bond with anyone save for Cloud. These among many other things. To me, all that wavering thing was so unnecessary to the narrative. (2/5)

Things felt rushed, and A was put on a pedestal and shoved in the players’ faces along with the potential romance with her. It was clear to me that the devs just wanted people to like her so that they’d be devastated when she died. But I guess you can’t ask for too much of games/stories back in 1997. I’m sorry, but I just can’t accept people saying that SOLDIER!Cloud loved A. They hadn’t known each other that long, and 95% of the time, they had other things on their plate than romance. (3/5)

It’s not like they were dating or getting to know each other during the brief time they spent together. Also, I don’t mean to offend anyone, but saying the LTD is now ending because A is stepping out and pushing Cloud onto Tifa sounds so insulting. Like Tifa can’t win unless her competition steps out and hands her the man on a silver platter. This time around, I feel that the devs are trying to do things properly. A is finally taking the time to bond with other characters, especially Tifa. (4/5)

Her world doesn’t revolve around Cloud only anymore. Tifa is not in the background anymore, so now people can get to know her and get attached to her even early on. The romance with Tifa isn’t something that feels like it’s come out of the left field about 2/3 of the way in. There might’ve been hints but they were too subtle. Among many other improvements. Whatever the devs do, I just hope they give us the best version possible of the story this time around. Thanks for listening to my rant.(5/5)

Death to the LTD 1

Death to the LTD 2 (dialogue evolution)

Death to the LTD 3 (soldier Cloud’s acceptance)

Cloud’s hyper vigilance

That would be because the concept absolutely was introduced to make the players more invested in Aerith, so her death had a harder hit when it happened. It was a new thing back in 97 to have a love triangle and pretty much everybody was starting to do it. There’s tons of movies, tv series and books out during that time that showcase the trope.

And having 2 heroines, Aerith and Tifa, and having the hero waver between them, at the time that was something new. ~Kitase, FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania pg. 11

I think everyone forgets the difference in technology between FF6 and FF7, not just graphically, but narratively, too. Back then, everything was new and everyone was still trying to find their feet and figure out evolving technology. I mean, it’s still evolving now, but those building blocks that form the base are still the same. Just because there’s now millions of polygons involved doesn’t take away the fact they’re still polygons.

FF7 was Square’s first foray into using more sophisticated methods of game development and that impacted how the story came across. In previous games, the optional content or hidden story arcs that had to be found to be appreciated made the game more fun. The player had to wander around more and talk to everyone to get the full picture and since it worked before, they thought it’d work again. That people would replay and swap party members around to trigger the other scenes and gather the rest of the puzzle pieces for the fuller picture.

But, they forgot they were trying to make everyone love one specific character, which meant the best way to do that was to keep her in the party over everyone else. Which meant people cared less about the others until the point she leaves the party for good. And by that point, when these people replay they just want to spend even more time with her, so they still miss the other dialogues and scenes with other characters that build their storyline alongside this other character they’ve pressed everyone to care about.

And that’s how the LTD got started because they chose not to play the game fully and only focus on one character, they didn’t see the entire picture. And the guides out at the time didn’t help much on that side of things because they didn’t give narrative canon party suggestions so that players got the most out of the story in each location.

Soldier Cloud loved Aerith?

Really? When they’ve been saying for years that soldier Cloud didn’t even exist or that we said he was really Zack and that’s why he’s into Aerith? It’s funny how the moment the devs confirm that real Cloud emerged to embrace Tifa they decided they could claim the dominant persona for their own, even though they also said that it was soldier Cloud who complimented Tifa, despite real Cloud not being the dominant persona. We even see visible evidence of the two aspects at war with each other in the honeybee inn scene before Cloud dances. That eye movement back and forth and expression of “fine, for Tifa” is an internal argument with the two aspects that soldier Cloud isn’t aware enough of to realise that’s what it is. If we take Soldier Cloud as the only personality then there’s no way he’d do that because it’s not cool, and soldier Cloud is always cool. He’s being made to dance because of real Cloud’s desire to rescue Tifa.

Aerith steps out...

Yeah, I wouldn’t phrase it like that, but the overall sentiment is that Aerith is refusing to do what happened in OG.

More importantly, though, and the thing I focused on in my death to the LTD, is Cloud’s behaviour and reaction and feelings. Because he’s soldier Cloud. Real Cloud isn’t part of the LTD because he already chose Tifa. Soldier Cloud is the focus of the LTD because he’s the one who misinterpreted real Cloud’s feelings and focused them on the wrong girl. This time, we see clear evidence throughout all of his interactions that he is also choosing Tifa.

In the train tunnel, while it’s real Cloud’s motivation to protect Tifa, Soldier Cloud is the one who carries out the roll. Then, it’s Soldier Cloud who kisses her cheek, the same as it’s Soldier Cloud who calls her beautiful. Because he’s the one flirting. Real Cloud’s desire is the motivator for him to do it, but it’s Soldier Cloud doing the thing. Same with every single flirty interaction. Real Cloud’s emergence is only confirmed by the devs twice in the game and both times relate to Tifa. Real Cloud’s hand twitches with the urge to comfort her and then real Cloud hugs her.

Everything else is only motivated by his love and desire for her, which means everything else is Soldier Cloud acting on those feelings.

The single moment of wavering from him is literally within the LTD nod scene in the train graveyard when Aerith grabs his arm. He doesn’t react when she does it, stays silent, leans away. He’s not showing her a preference. Then, he looks at and agrees with Tifa, which is showing a clear bias towards her.

Then right before Tifa grabs Cloud’s arm, his eyes start to shift towards Aerith. This is the reference to OG Cloud wavering, but then before he can even look at Aerith, he spots Tifa’s hands in his peripheral vision, gasps, then looks at and smiles at her.

That’s the result of Cloud’s wavering. He chose Tifa. After that, there’s zero LTD scenes and in fact, there’s a humorous shot of Tifa looking towards the camera after Cloud leaps on her to save her from the falling train carriage and Aerith thanks him for saving both of them. He didn’t save both of them. Didn’t even try.

I don’t think there’s gonna be anything to worry about going forward because one thing Nojima learned from letting things be “open for interpretation” is that his work gets butchered.

Since FF7, other FF titles he’s worked on -

FF8: Squall and Rinoa kiss.

FF10: Yuna and Tidus kiss.

FFCC: Aerith and Zack hug

FF13: Snow and Serah kiss and get engaged.

FF15 (when it was originally vs): Noctis and Luna kiss.

If anyone learned their lesson from this LTD mess, it’s Nojima, but he’s been restricted when it comes to 7 by the suits - which is one of the hidden graffiti meta messages in the train tunnel that refers to why Cloti was never made more explicit.

“They tell you to go with the flow so they can keep the status quo.”

Since this is the last of the FF7 compilation the suits have relaxed the reins on the LTD, so that Nojima can write the story as he sees fit, which I would guess is down to the fact they did sales projections and figured out that FF7 would be massively successful and has in fact also boosted sales of PS4 consoles because people specifically bought the console to play FF7R. With the new mysteries and twists to keep fans talking about the game until the next installment is out, they don’t need to hold onto this outdated LTD concept that everyone hates and isn’t anything the company wants to associate with because of how toxic and nasty it is. They’re a Japanese company having to hear these so called fans talking about how Tifa is a “typical Asian girl” or whatever tf they call her. It’s disgusting. Square yeeted the guys behind Genesis because of the controversy around them, so to have fans like this associated with one of their most popular and iconic titles? Yeah, that ain’t happening.

#Death to the LTD #for the fandom

97 notes · View notes

blossom-hwa · 3 years ago

Note

i want to, first of all, point out the short introductions per chapter in sunflowers. how the brief phrases not only summarize the specific episode but also is connected with a fixed season. the concept is really amazing, seriously. it took them 4 years to reunite and an additional 1 year for them to realize their (romantic) love for each other. it was so sweet of juyeon to remember that reader hums whenever theyre happy. the fact that its a very small action yet something he remembers even after an almost half a decade of separation is really something. what i remember the most in this story is the part wherein juyeon gathered and literally brought a handful of snow back into readers house LOL stupid but stupidly cute. AND the mcdonalds scene, please. if i hadnt known better, i woulde thought that juyeon spent the previous hours drinking to his hearts consent. the situation itself was humorous, though. imagine kissing your crush then passing out because of your lack of sleep, its very embarrassing. the obvious juxtaposition of your skz and tbz fics got me laughing in amusement HAHHAHA i wonder what your other masterlists focus on. instead of the angsty genre and the fluffy romance done in the formerly stated works, maybe horror or comedy? im really excited to read them!

by how amazing kingdom's plot is, i wont be surprised if you decide to publish it as a book. at the coronation chapter, when juyeon tried guessing why changmin and the previous ivory queen wasnt able to attend the celebration, my heart ached so much knowing full well that the both of them are out there, dead. How you expressed juyeons desperation since realizing his bestfriends death was so on point that i felt it too. while reading the story, i wrote down my reactions and comments because of emotional it made me 😭 the story is so beautiful :">> i HONESTLY didnt expect that youd kill sunwoo! i didnt have the time to cry as i was too shocked, watdafuq. thinking about it again makes me bitter 🤥 i remember the both of them (juyeon and sunwoo) wishing to deepen the newly formed trust and that they have a long time to get to know each other since they had a ton more gems to collect bUT nO because he died. and changmin. every time i see his name, i frown deeply. maybe its because of bloom bloom pow! since for some reason, i feel weirdly attached to his character even though he only showed up in the prologue 🤡 moving on! kevin and sunwoos first meeting was so cute and hilarious and dumb af. and kevins sadness and regret, it was conveyed so clearly. i felt that too :< kevin as best best best friend. i also love LEE MINHOs character. the whole time i was chanting "you can do it minho, keep bitching her! she deserves it 😠" the way how you showed the ivory kingdoms perspective every second part of the chapter made me feel like some god who knows whats happening on both sides. anyways, somins just jealous of jisoo because she can handle a kingdom on her own 🙄✋

the figurative language you used in oceans burn in your eyes is just chefs kiss. it made me speechless af. and birds in the heavens is a masterpiece! how ironic that death is known to supposedly separate and break the hearts of people in love yet that very infamous word gave the reader and haknyeon the freedom to love each other and be true to themselves. reading the story got me listening to maiah wynne’s version of the song and it made me tear up because i keep on remembering the story :”>> btw, i also read your text aus! i didnt know that you have such a great sense of humour HAHAHAHA i had the hardest time suppressing my laughs because everyone in the house was already asleep. it made my cheeks and stomach hurt so much HAHAHA

well, you deserve all the love for these works ! i wanted you to know how truly happy they made me <333 so i m willing to take the time to show my love for them because you really deserve it. and yEAH I STAN TBZ NOW BC OF U! i was shocked to know that they had a song called 'bloom bloom'. my spotify was on shuffled then i heard "bloom, bloom, pow" and i was like "I KNOW THIS HUH" HAHAHAHAHA i also recently just finished midterms and the only thought i had while answering was "bloom, bloom, pow!" i got LSS-ed. we never know, maybe your works can get me into nct, ateez, and golden child 👀🤔 thanks for the writer recommendations! i ll surely check them out next time. i hope your midterms went smoothly! good luck to us <333

- anon who likes doing long asks (??)

anon I absolutely adore you. thank you so so so much for taking the time to go through my masterlists and leave these long, wonderful comments in my inbox - it absolutely makes my day every time I even remember the fact that you sent me something like this because to know that someone is out there reading and enjoying my works this much is just... the feeling is indescribable. AND TO KNOW THAT I GOT THAT PERSON INTO TBZ AS WELL AHHHHHHHHHHH (bloom bloom is one of my favorite songs by them help)???????????? omg your comment about minho in kingdom is just chef's kiss I love his character so much AND AHHH YOU READ MY TEXT AUS ngl I had so much fun writing those that for a few days I contemplated doing fake texts but lmao nah I have too much on my plate already

thank you again for all of your support anon :) please let me know if you want an official anon title (maybe an emoji?? you choose which one!!!) because I would be honored to give you one :D I hope you have a lovely lovely day wherever you are <3

#lina answers #nas #anon #sunflowers #kingdom #oceans burn in your eyes #birds in the heavens

1 note · View note

homesteadchronicles · 5 years ago

Text

Kingdom Come: Writing Excerpt (“A Baptism by Blood”)

With my hiatus nearing its inevitable end, I’ve found myself looking for a means make writing natural again. Not having done so for a long time left me feeling anxious whenever I wanted to wipe off the rust and write my heart out. Thus, I want to try something new: writing prompts.

These won’t always be canon, these won’t always be excerpts from the actual project itself. They’re glimpses into the past, into the could-be future, into alternate timelines. They are what will allow me to expand my imagination and hone my skills until I feel confident transforming my outline into a draft once more.

For now, enjoy a snippet into the pasts of two protagonists: Royan and Oeden. Before friendship, before prophecies, before princehood...before the Vault.

___

EXCERPT DETAILS

Project: Kingdom Come Timeline: 5 Years Before Book One’s Beginning Character(s): Oeden “Halflife” Sincairn, Royan Godewine, Sigurd Godewine, Elyk Sincairn Content Warning: Blood, Warfare, Character Death, PTSD

___

The battlefield drank the felled king’s blood with vampiric patience. Each inch of soil sat agape, holes dug from the rush of boots and hooves sitting open like anxious mouths awaiting dinner. Common bodies could not satiate this thirst - the ground hungered for a royal feast.

Oeden could taste it, too. His tongue, his lips, his fingertips: each bore the gravemaker’s stain. Blood had baptized him, a life of innocence laid to rest. He had expected to die somewhen in this war. He had not considered death could take his youth but leave his life.

Royan, however, had not just lost life - he had taken it. And it, in turn, took its toll on his soul.

Hundreds of soldiers, Norian or otherwise, encircled them like a carrion banquet. Anointed armor lay entangled between the mangled limbs of their unnamed assailants. Whoever wished them harm had done well to ambush them. Swords, arrows, the clash of steel and Seals: all an unexpected prelude to this newfound cemetery.

How had they survived when so many a knight met their end? I almost didn’t, Oeden realized. I wouldn’t have, if not for Royan.

Their king, however, had not his nephew’s fortune. Sigurd Godewine, once seated on the Frozen Throne of Norire, now sunk into a basin of bone and snow. The lance that stole his life still sat lodged in his torso, its tip stretching upwards as though it might break through this bodily barrier at any moment and continue its skyward course.

Yet, of the innumerable bodies of knights strewn about, none looked half as bad as the only survivor amongst them.

Royan shivered from a cold no winter could summon. His hands gripped the spear that pierced his uncle’s chest, the very thing that felled his family now allowing him to stand. What armor of his remained intact would soon rust from gore. Most remained in place, despite the casualties - a lost plate strap, the misplaced bracer.

But even through the blizzard, Oeden could see the shine of magic thrumming from Royan’s bared skin. He could feel it, the power a song that beckoned him. Oeden ignored the summons and approached Royan.

Mumbled apologies - or were they prayers? - fumbled from his mouth into unhearing ears. Noticing an unexpected presence, Royan spun about. Blue eyes froze upon recognition of a friend, a glare thawing into gladness. His knees buckled, tipped, spilled onto spoiled dirt.

Royan crumbled, but Oeden caught him.

“Royan? Listen to me,” Oeden pleaded. When his requests went unheard, he yanked his liege’s helmet towards him. “Look at me, Royan. Not at him. At me.”

Royan’s gaze flickered away but once. He met Oeden’s eyes without thanks.

“There you are.” Royan’s face did not mirror the smile in Oeden’s tone. “You see me, right?” A pause, and then a nod. “Then hear me: I know you want to stay, think you need to, even, but we must leave. Now.”

His eyes followed a red tear trailing down the metal helm. Before there be no more blood to spill. The teardrop dripped off of the visor, both boys watching its descent, until it rippled across the back of Royan’s hand. Crimson waves could not drown the truth beneath: a Seal had surfaced on his flesh.

Not an hour ago, that skin had remained devoid of defect. Now, the Timekeeper’s mark made its home on his hand. Had it always been lying dormant within him? Or had Sigurd done something to awaken it in his last moments on earth?

Oeden would have lingered in his dread, had that Sealscarred hand not lurched forward to clutch at his cloak. It searched for an escape Oeden could not provide.

“What do I do?” Royan asked, his voice a quiver. “Everyone will know what I am. They’ll want to make me king, Oeden!” He screamed the word as though it were a curse. “I can’t hide it, can’t ignore it, can’t discard it.” He sobbed: a single, broken howl. “I’m...trapped.”

Oeden knew all too well of such bindings, had borne invisible shackles that chained him to pariah-hood since conception. He refused to let another life be lost to unwarranted imprisonment. “Not if I can help it”.

One hand ripped a strip from his cloak. With the other, Oeden sought a weapon. A knife, a sword, anything would work. The only solution within reaching distance - as Royan made no motion to rise - came attached to the once-king’s corpse: Sigurd’s clawed gauntlet.

Before Royan could protest, Oeden had unbuckled the straps that kept the armor intact. You’ve already doomed his future, Oeden thought with a spite he was glad only God could hear, at least spare his present. One last tug and the gauntlet came free.

Oeden did naught but mumble an apology as Royan stared on with muted confusion. This might hurt, he thought, and swung the gauntlet across his master’s hand.

Royan scrambled backwards with an unseemly yelp. For a beat, the fear of betrayal ran rampant across his face.

Oeden waved the fabric like a white flag. “Trust me.”

Whether out of need or desire, Royan obeyed. The prince bowed in submission as his squire bandaged his hand - an unthinkable act elsewhere. But in the aftermath of battle? No one cared for class, race, creed. Those that outlasted death clung to the living with blind desperation.

As the treatment neared its end, Royan whispered what might have been a word of gratitude, if Oeden had not awaited the inquiry.

“...why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Oeden sensed from his lord’s blank stare that this trauma had overridden his survival instinct. “You can’t keep this a secret forever. But for now? Making it look like an injury will let you avoid suspicion long enough for us to - God willing - get back to Almsgard unscathed and out of enemy territory.”

“No, that’s not...I meant...” Royan fumbled, biting his lip. He seemed a child all the more then, somehow lost in a war zone. “Why, as in, ‘why are you helping me?’”

Oeden could have laughed, should have, even. What a ridiculous question! Oeden’s very existence as a squire meant ensuring the survival of his liege. Sure, they had never shared an intimate bond before, but that did not annul his duty. His occupation aside, who would not seize the chance to have the Northern royalty indebted to them - especially one as persecuted as he?

But the truth? That confession confused him, frightened him. But it spoke to him of a kindness he had not seen in all of Norire - a kindness, he hoped, could become consistent.

“You saved my life,” Oeden reminded him, “or have you forgotten already? Given the choice between protecting me and protecting your uncle, you came to my aid. Couldn’t tell you why you would do something so stupid - something I cannot, might I remind you, ever hope to repay. But I’d say I owe you this, at least, don’t you think?”

“I wasn’t looking for a refund...”

That sincerity warmed the frozen corners of Oeden’s heart. “Be that as it may, I’m indebted all the same.” He rose to his feet, dragging Royan’s weakened form along with him. “But we can decide on debts later. For now, we need to find the other survivors.”

If there are any, he thought. The battle’s gruesome nature left little guarantees of finding life amongst the carnage. Sealed God, if you’ve ever listened to me, let Lord Elyk have lived. Oeden didn’t dare imagine his mother’s reaction should she learn her husband died. She did not deserve to lose anything else.

The boys stumbled about the bodies, avoiding the ravens that had already begun their scavenging. They dared make no further noise, lest the survivor they see be an enemy in waiting. Oeden noticed Royan searching every face, some making his own fall.

These are his men, Oeden realized. His servants, his soldiers. Lifelong friends and family. All to save a king he damned...a king he might become.

When they had thought their search fruitless, Oeden heard a faraway cry. In the distance, obscured by sleet and mist, stood a host of knights. Two men, arms outstretched and voices raised towards them, awaited their arrival: Knight-Commander Magnus and Knight-Captain Elyk.

Our fathers live, Oeden thought, and the relief was enough to set him sprinting. Elyk did likewise, bounding towards his son until he could scoop him up in his arms. Oeden did not swallow his laugh or roll his eyes the way he would when his father embarrassed him elsewhere. Elyk did not think of dignity or disguise his affection for the sake of his men’s approval. Here, now, all that mattered to them both was that they had defied the odds. Their family had outsmarted death.

When both their breaths had been spent, Elyk placed Oeden back down, a kiss pressed to his forehead. “Thank the Seals you’re safe...”

Oeden curled further into his father’s embrace, but his gaze ventured beyond them to hover over Royan’s hand. No one is safe anymore...

#writing excerpt #my writing #original writing #writing #writeblr #write #writer #bookblr #author #drabble #kingdom come #oeden halflife #royan godewine

62 notes · View notes

theusurpersdog · 6 years ago

Text

The Battle of Winterfell

Okay, I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t particularly care for this episode. I came into it so hyped, because Miguel Sapochnik was in charge of the most important episode of the series to date and he has yet to disappoint, but in hindsight I realized this episode was never going to work. Not that I disliked the whole thing, because there were some moments which I absolutely love, but overall this episode was poorly conceptualized and executed even worse. Below the cut I’ll explain why I disliked it, and how I think the show could have done better. . .

First, I think this episode was poorly executed in the writing room, not by the actors, directors, and behind-the-scenes crew. Watching the Game Revealed for this episode shows just how incredible the crew behind this show is, and its a shame that all that excellent work was largely wasted by D&D.

Visually speaking though, this episode was stunning. The shots of Drogon and Rhaegal against the sky, lighting wights on fire, is legitimately breathtaking. Arya’s parkour is also stunning. Miguel Sapochnik and everyone else involved really did not disappoint, as far as they could carry the episode.

To me, this episode failed on two fronts: its approach to characters, and its approach to the battle.

Characters

The biggest problem this episode had, is that it approached its characters through the lens of the action, and not the action through the lens of its characters. While D&D promised many character moments, there was only one - the Hound deciding to toughen up because Arya was in danger. Otherwise, all of the “character beats” were slow motion shots of people reacting to the battle. Those moments, its important to note, do not come from scripting - those scenes were Miguel Sapochnik desperately trying to ground his action within the emotions of his characters. But these scenes fail to carry the emotional burden the episode needed, because they are entirely generic; that’s what I mean when I say D&D did not consider the action through their characters. None of the scenes in these episodes were written from the perspective of “How would Jon, Daenerys, Tyrion, Sansa, et al, react and how does that change our episode?”, they were all written from the perspective of “These are the exact events we are going to have, what room does that leave for character expression?” - and of course, the answer was very little. Arya’s plotline this episode comes the closest to personalized, and even that falls very short. Listening to the Inside the Episode, the idea behind Arya’s story was “what if we took away her characteristics, what is she left with?” which leads to more near death fake outs, but prevents any real character moments. They intentionally took her back to season one Arya, instead of incorporating 7 years of growth into her scenes.

Compare that approach to a previous episode, Blackwater, written by George Martin. Every single scene in that episode (except the dude bro scene with Bronn that GRRM was forced to write) is designed to show you something about Stannis, Davos, Cersei, Tyrion, or Sansa. It was a battle written specifically to highlight its characters. The perfect scene to highlight this difference is Sansa in the Sept during Blackwater, vs Sansa in the crypts during The Long Night. Sansa was not written to be useless this episode; her line “I will not abandon my people” combined with the unaired scenes of her killing wights, is quite enough evidence that the intent of D&D was to feature her. Yet, in the finished product, its very clear that D&D really didn’t understand how to feature her; the scenes in the crypts are entirely superfluous, because they exist solely to include Tyrion and Sansa. Whereas in Blackwater, GRRM wrote the scenes to highlight Sansa’s leadership, kindness, bravery, loyalty, and compassion. She is not even included in the “battle” portion of the episode, but many of her very best lines are from that episode and its corresponding book chapters - because GRRM worked the battle around his characters, instead of D&D who worked their characters around the battle. D&D genuinely didn’t know how to include scenes in this episode that weren’t action, and The Long Night suffered greatly for it. The best way to fix this problem would have been to re-examine each scene from a character’s perspective based on their specific story arc over 7 1/2 seasons. D&D were too focused on the base concept of fear, on how everyone is just terrified of death personified, that they forgot each character has their own story. Like I previously said, only the Hound has a scene like this, where we understand his specific reaction based on his specific story arc.

This episode also failed to incorporate its characters even when the action called for it. While my above complaint is that D&D couldn’t look outside the action to make room for characters, this one is similar but slightly different - even when the action would have been greatly improved by individualized character beats, D&D chose to ignore that in favor of straight battle sequences. The obvious example of this is Daenerys, and her complete ambivalence in the face of Viserion. The only time her character was allowed to influence her scenes this episode, is when she as a Khaleesi decided she could not watch her Khalasar slaughtered; and the only reason that was included, was an excuse to get the battle rolling as D&D envisioned it. But wouldn’t dragon vs dragon content in this episode have greatly benefited from an emotionally bereft Daenerys? I am far from her biggest stan, but it is truly a slap in the face to pretend as if one of her dragons dying, and then being brought back to try and kill her, would not almost kill Daenerys. The dragons are her children; she looks at them and sees herself reflected back, both the good and the bad. Her self worth and importance is tied to them. To not only lose one, but to see it turned against her, is a scene literally begging to be about Daenerys’ loss. And yet, her emotional connection to Viserion is completely irrelevant to her battle with the Night King.

The previous complaints I’ve had with this episode were all things I think would have been relatively easy to fix within the episode itself, but the next problem I have has been building since season one, and was probably unfixable by season 6. And that problem is of Bran, Jon, and the Night King. Obviously I don’t know what GRRM’s plans for the Others are, but I am very sure Bran is at the heart of it. Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing to see a Stark defeat the Night King; but, if we are being honest with ourselves, it was the wrong Stark. Since the start of the series, when we see the Night’s Watch deserter executed through Bran’s eyes, he has been the narrator of the Others. Yet for some reason, D&D made the decision in s1 that they weren’t going to include Northern Mysticism, or Bran’s more supernatural elements. They pretty much eliminated Warging from the show completely (which is entirely unthinkable in the books). By cutting Bran off from his plot with the Others, they filled his role with Jon. Now, Jon is very connected to the North and weirwoods and that sort of high fantasy element, but he is not connected to the White Walkers directly. Jon Snow has never even faced a White Walker in the books, compared to his show counterpart who has had run-ins with the Night King since s5. By making Jon a much more stereotypical Action Hero, they’ve already gutted what the White Walkers are in the books. Once they left Bran out of s5, there really was no going back. To me, its obvious that at some point midway through the show, D&D realized from GRRM just how important Bran was to the fight against the AotD, but it was too late to do anything about it. So Bran being in the Godswood, after an extremely vague explanation of why the Night King wants to kill him, was their desperate attempt to pick up the pieces. That left D&D with only one other option for taking out the Night King - shock value. They literally say as much in the Inside the Episode. All of the above doesn’t even mention how big a problem the Night King existing at all is, but it is a huge problem. The Night’s King, from the books, is not some all powerful figure; he is a man, who made a very stupid choice out of love. The Night’s King story is a deeply personal tale, which most likely revolves around a Stark, which ties the story back to our main characters (specifically Bran). By changing the Night’s King story into one centralized White Walker villain, they took away all the personality of the White Walkers while simultaneously pinning the entire narrative onto one character (which can only lead to an unsatisfactory ending).

The Battle

Now that I’ve explained why I dislike the character element of The Long Night, lets break down why the battle itself falls short. . .

They played this way too straightforward. If they weren’t going to ground this episode within emotional stakes and payoffs, they had to be way more creative within the battle itself. I know Dan Weiss gave his “reasons” for not including Ice Spiders, but they were stupid (for anyone who hasn’t seen the article, he said they didn’t think they could animate giant spiders well); Lord of the Rings came out more than 15 years ago and Shelob was very well done, and you’re telling me that Game of Thrones couldn’t pull them off?

Ice Spiders isn’t the only thing they could have done though. GRRM’s story is some Cthulu level horror and heavy metal stuff, and D&D should have embraced those elements. The shots of the dragons fighting worked so well because it was a visually new experience, but D&D scripted way too much melee fighting to be the backbone of the episode. Sapochnik did the best he could to make it stimulating throughout, but as an audience this can only be entertaining for so long. And D&D were obviously very attached to making this episode feature length, regardless - what I’m saying is, an editor needed to be more involved in the final cut.

#game of thrones #A Song of Ice and Fire #jonsa

156 notes · View notes

attackfish · 6 years ago

Text

Avatar the Last Airbender, Humor, and Sympathy: Who is it Safe to Laugh at?

A while back I made a vid about Book One Zuko set to Uptown Funk, and as it turns out that vid, and the close attention to the visual language of Zuko in Book One it required is something of a meta mine for me, and led to a greater appreciation for the show's use of dramatic irony: [Link]. That vid got its start as a lighthearted exploration of Book One Zuko as a figure of comedy, but I realized very quickly that I was not going to be able to make the vid about the entirety of Book One, at least not if I wanted it to be purely comedy. Zuko's suffering in book one is funny, right up until it suddenly isn't funny at all. This is not about how we as an audience grow to appreciate Zuko as a character. After all, I came to this vid having watched Avatar: the Last Airbender many times, and already very attached to Zuko to put it mildly. This is about how Zuko's suffering is framed, and how the show switches from playing it for laughs to playing it for pathos: [Link].

This is a common thread throughout the show with many many different characters. What initially is played for laughs about a character is later revealed to have tragic roots. Humor in the Avatar world often has a sting in its tail. This holds true for most of the Gaang: [Link] and for Iroh, but it's at its most obvious, and its most unsettling, with the teenage Fire Nation characters, Azula, Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee.

Of the four characters mentioned above three have a redemption arc that doubles as a recovery arc, and the one who doesn't has a complete breakdown. All four are victims of abuse. Abuse is a big theme in Avatar: the Last Airbender. and the use of humor to first allow us to laugh at characters' idiosyncrasies before revealing them to be the result of the abuse they suffered ties directly into the shows themes.

And this relationship between humor for the audience and the characters' pain is systematic and consistent. First we get hints of a character's trauma accompanied by scenes of their quirks played for humor, and then, as they approach the culmination (or in Zuko's case a culmination) of their story, their quirks and their trauma are tied together, and suddenly they aren't played for laughs anymore. This pattern reaches its most elaborate and extended variation in Zuko's Book One portrayal. He is introduced to us yelling at his uncle that the avatar has returned and he must capture him, and the desperation pours off him in waves. We are given hints throughout the first half of Book One that Zuko is trying to impress an unloving father and end a humiliating exile, until Chapter Twelve, "The Storm", where Iroh tells Zuko's crew, who are sick of dealing with his mistreatment of them, the story of Zuko's branding and banishment. Until this point, Zuko has been tossed into the snow, had his eye poked until he falls into the water, landed backside up in the snow with his helmet on top of said royal backside, and made a fool of himself in his anger and impulsiveness time and time again. Much of the levity in Book One comes from Zuko playing Yosemite Sam to Aang's cheerful Bugs Bunny, or Sokka's Daffy Duck.

The Looney Toons style humor at Zuko's expense does not disappear at this moment, and Zuko's reckless drive leading to repeated pratfalling isn't tied explicitly to his pain until the Book One finale. There is one last good solid laugh-at-Zuko-being-obnoxious-and-paying-for-it episode, Chapter Fifteen, "Bato of the Water Tribe" between this point and the finale. And yet this moment does mark an important turning point in how the show handles Zuko's status as main season antagonist, and object of ridicule. "Bato of the Water Tribe" is the last episode of the season where Zuko serves as main antagonist, and in fact the last episode of the entire series where he serves this function. And between "The Storm" and "Bato of the Water Tribe" is "The Blue Spirit."

Aside from the heartwrenching rendition of Zuko's backstory, the Storm is full of parallels between Aang and Zuko, including Aang's own painful backstory full of guilt and loss. And because it's Aang telling us this backstory, Aang is in an introspective backward-looking mood at its end, which makes this the perfect time for an episode where Zuko and Aang work together, and which foreshadows their future friendship, and the Fire Nation's own potential for changing course. And the episode following "The Storm" does all of that. "The Blue Spirit" also gives us a taste of Zuko's failure and perpetual futile determination being played for pathos, even as this failure allows for Aang's escape. Indeed, the framing of this situation makes it clear that there is failure on both sides. Zuko is unable to capture Aang, and Aang is rebuffed by Zuko. Zuko's singular pursuit of his goals is shown as tragic, as something that prevents him from forging meaningful connections with other people, and prevents hin from building a life, a concept that will be expanded in Book Two. As an audience, we feel the weight of this moment. It is poignent, it is sad, and it is painful.

"Bato of the Water Tribe" is the only other time we see Zuko until the three Northern Water Tribe episodes, and in these episodes, nearly nothing about Zuko is played for any humor at all. After Zhao takes Zuko's crew, Zuko's relentless drive is portrayed as admirable and tragic. His failures are portrayed as tragic, and even his defeat of Zhao is portrayed as tragic. He captures Aang, and with no one else to talk to, in the middle of a blizzard he can only wait out, he tells Aang about his father and sister, and about how he has to rely on hard work, and how he has come to take pride in his never giving up, because he isn't lucky like his sister. His trauma is now tied to this key part of his personality, previously played for humor, now played for tragedy. The last time we see Zuko in Book One, he confesses to his uncle that he is tired, and stretches out to rest on the raft that his uncle uses to sail them away. The scene is framed in such a way that a viewer might be forgiven for thinking Zuko had died.

After this, Zuko's foibles are played for laughs again throughout the rest of the series, but the Looney Toons style merriment is gone, and the humor is much more affectionate, and used to puncture and punctuate his angst and the heaviness of his storyline. His role as the butt of jokes has been transformed. The point has been made. This change is highlighted by of all characters, Azula. In "The Chase," an episode full of characters laughing at each other and mocking each other in ways that are not funny at all as exhaustion takes its toll and characters show off their worst, meanest selves, Azula's comment to Aang about her brother stands out: "I must find the Avatar to restore my honor!" she says, covering her eye like her brother's scar. And when Aang only stares at her, she continues: "It's okay. You can laugh. It's funny."

How many times have we as a fandom laughed about Zuko and his honor?

And over the course of the rest of Book Two and Book Three, Zuko's sense of honor and his refusal to give up will become his greatest strengths and most admirable qualities as they lead him away from his father and the Fire Nation war machine and to becoming the Firelord who will end the war and restore the honor of his entire nation. The traits that once held him back from making real connections to other people, with healing and understanding of self, become the ones that enable him to make those connections in the end.

This same technique of playing a character's traits born of pain for laughs until they are explicitly tied to that pain is used again with Mai and Ty Lee in Books Two and Three. They are introduced in "Return to Omashu" in ways that also introduce Azula as their abuser, and in Mai's case, give ample information about how neglectful her parents are of her and her brother. However this is done subtly and not dwelt upon. Throughout Books Two and Three, Azula's abuse of the two of them will be touched on and reinforced, most notably in the flashbacks in "Zuko alone. However, most of their portrayals in Book Two will be of them as antagonists, and specifically as funny antagonists. They take this role over from Zuko. Their foibles are played for laughs and they are amusing in a way Azula can't be because she is too much of a threat. It's not until "The Beach" that their quirks are inescapably linked to their traumas, and their bubbly or emotionless exteriors are shown pointedly to be masks hiding pain. Mai yells, Ty Lee cries. And the next time they are given real focus, their pain and their abuse at the hands of Azula is shown to be the source of their triumph as they reject her domination and turn against her to protect the people they love. Mai especially is cool and collected, mask firmly in place as she tells Azula that she miscalculated. The parts of their personalities born of pain are first played for laughs, then for tragedy, then for triumph, just like Zuko's.

Azula in so many ways is the outlier, because for her, the triumph comes first. She appears to be in control at the start of her journey, winning victory after victory, playing with Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko like dolls. I mentioned earlier that Azula isn't played for humor very much in Book Two the way Zuko was because she is too big a threat. She's too scary to laugh at. This changes in "The Beach." Taken away from the battlefield and forced to interact with strangers in which there is no hierarchy putting her at the top or competition for her to win, the same traits that make her such a dangerous opponent make her laughably incompetent at social interaction.

At the end of "The Beach", we are given a hint of the pain at the roots of the same perfectionism and need to win that this episode lampoons: "I could sit here and complain how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don't really care. My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt."

We will later learn this is far from the whole truth. Not only does her own subconscious tell her that her mother loved her, but her whole world starts to fall apart when, somebody, Mai, picks Zuko over her, and tells her she miscalculated. Last of all, her father, who always treated her as his perfect child in contrast to worthless Zuko, dismisses her and treats her with the scorn usually reserved for Zuko, something Azula notes explicitly, when she yells that: "You can't treat me like Zuko!"

This is one of the most telling lines in the entire series. She has built her self image around being better than Zuko, of being infallable, because the little girl watching her brother being abused thought this would protect her from her father. And now, with her sense of infallibility stripped away, the idea that she is inherently better than Zuko called into question, and her father's favor suddenly in doubt, her whole identity crumbles and she starts hallucinating [Link]. And this is why Azula sees her mother in her psychosis, because Ursa is someone else who she feels chose Zuko over her. While Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee end the show free of their abusers and ready to start new lives, Azula ends it chained, defeated, and sobbing uncontrollably.

And yet with Azula's arc, as with Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee's, an explicit line is drawn between the funny and the tragic about a character. The writers, strictly speaking, didn't need to make us laugh at Azula before turning her into an object of pity. Taking her from triumph to tragedy would have been a strong enough individual arc without the segue into the hilarious. This segue however, together with Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee's time spent as objects of humor, ties strongly into the show's themes and evokes a common emotional response. The humor comes before the revelation of tragedy in all four cases because before the tragedy of each character is made explicit, it feels okay to laugh at them. It doesn't feel mean.

But then the tragedy behind the funny quirks is revealed and we the audience can't help remember laughing at them. And we already have laughed at them. There's nothing we can do now to undo that. And this makes us feel just a little bit mean, just a little bit guilty. It makes us a participatory character in a way, and it drives home an important theme. There is no one safe to laugh at on Avatar: the Last Airbender. Everybody is human so no one is just a figure of fun. And just as in the real world, you never know when you are laughing at somebody's pain. Everybody is human, and everybody's pain is worthy of respect and acknowledgment, and you should be wary of anyone saying: "You can laugh. It's funny."

#avatar the last airbender #azula #zuko #ty lee #atla mai #posts i created #azula needs her own warning #zuko is a dweeby little turtleduck #circus freak is a compliment #mai doesn't hate you #aang d'awww

593 notes · View notes

mendespideys · 6 years ago

Text

the intern ▿ pt. v

Pairing: Reader x CEO!Tom Holland

Summary: You’re finishing your last year of university in London, and what better way do to that than with an internship at Holland and Osterfield’s?

Warnings: Language and I think that’s it?

A/N: I’m so sorry it has taken me this long to update. I just recently got back to Arizona from spending 2 months in Norway, and I also just started University. It was a lot to adjust to. I promise I’ll try to update more frequently from now on!

Also, huge thanks to the lovely @hollandandi who helped me out with this! I love you ♡

series masterlist

< previous | next >

Clutching the cold railing desperately, you catch yourself from taking a tumble down the stairs. Sometimes, wearing heels was a real struggle, but it seemed to be the appropriate attire at Holland and Osterfield’s, so you kept your disapprovement to yourself. The December air hits you like a tidal wave when you push open the door to your apartment complex, the sudden change of temperature making your eyes water. You instantly feel your cheeks turn red from the harsh cold, and you make it your goal to hurry to the Tube stop.

A car horn being honked stops you in your tracks, and you turn around, your heart frantically thumping in your chest. You spot the familiar black Audi with its engine running and with a huff, you make your way over. You see his amused smile as you get closer and you narrow your eyes at him, annoyed that he found your discomfort entertaining. He stays silent as you pull open the passenger door, but throws you a quick grin when you’re finally able to climb into the SUV. The door slams shut and he leans forward to slightly lower the music playing from his phone.

“Why do you find my misery so amusing?” you inquire, turning to look at him as you buckle in.

“It looked hilarious from my point of view, darlin’,” Tom defends, effortlessly maneuvering his way out from the parking spot.

“I got scared. Sue me,” you mumble, feeling your embarrassment bubble but you try your best to ignore it. “So, enlighten me. Why is Tom Holland picking me up at 7:45 in the morning?”

Tom’s fingers clench slightly around the steering wheel, but you don’t really notice. You lean back into the comfort of the leather seat, peering at your employer through your lashes. He glances at you quickly before directing his gaze back at the busy road in front of him. You glance at the clock on the dashboard, finding yourself wondering how long Tom had been waiting for you.

“You were late. Thought I’d give you a ride,” Tom states confidently with a small shrug.

“You didn’t know I’d be late, though,” you counter, raising an eyebrow as you turn to look at him again. “How long were you waiting?”

Tom clears his throat, “If you’re going to keep interrogating me, you can walk. Can’t you just be appreciative like normal people?”

“Sorry,” you mumble, deciding to let the subject go. For now. “I really do appreciate it. I would be freezing my ass off and I’d be late if it wasn’t for you.”

Tom nods but doesn’t reply. You bring your phone out, debating to text Cecelia but you decide against it. You could tell her later. The car ride ends quicker than you want it to. You had recognized one of the songs playing from Tom’s Spotify and the two of you had immediately started sharing knowledge of other artists and bands. Tom had relaxed and the environment had been comfortable. For a second, you had forgotten he was your boss. You had forgotten about the weird coincidence of him being outside of your apartment - if it even was a coincidence - and you had forgotten about the workload waiting for you.

The SUV comes to a stop and soon after the music stops. The silence suddenly feels heavy and you unbuckle, leaning down to pick your laptop back up from the floor. The driver door shuts and you allow yourself to sigh before making your way out of the car. The unwelcome cold hits you once again and you shiver involuntarily. Letting the door shut behind you, you glance up at the tall building as you step away from the car. You don’t know if it’s your lack of attention or your general clumsiness, but the second you start walking, the thin heel of your shoe slips and you wobble, your arms flailing as you try to catch your balance.

An automatic shriek escapes you. You shut your eyes, positive you’ll hit the snow-covered ground any second. A strong grip tightens around your waist and you feel yourself regaining balance. You open one eye at a time, taking in what had happened. A few pairs of eyes are looking at you and you flush, knowing you had just made a fool of yourself. A low chuckle brings you back to the situation at hand and you glance over your shoulder to inspect your savior. Tom’s coffee-colored orbs are close enough for you to see the underlying concern although his face reads amusement.

“You alright?”

You nod slowly and he releases his grip, letting you go. Clearing your throat, you smooth down the front of your coat, needing something to do with your hands. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find his concern flattering, but you wouldn’t let yourself read into it. You would have been worried if you saw someone about to fall, too. Huffing loudly, you clutch the strap of your bag looking up at Tom. He shoots you a tight smile, extending his hand toward you. You glance at the to-go cup in his head, the hot liquid inside steaming.

“Here,” he states simply, gently shaking the beverage. “You seem like you could use it more than me. It’s tea.”

Hesitantly, you take it from him. The left corner of Tom’s mouth curves into a half-smile and you mumble out a thank you. He nods, and the two of you start walking into the extravagant building, ignoring the intrusive stares of the surrounding people. As you walk through the revolving doors, you sigh softly, welcoming the warmth with open arms. Neither of you says much as you make your way to the fourth floor. Tom greets a couple of people while you pretend not to notice their questioning looks.

Most of the people addressing Tom’s presences are women. They are all incredibly attractive and their narrowing eyes makes you feel uncomfortable. If you didn’t know any better, you would say they were jealous. Tom didn’t seem to notice, happily responding to his employees, but never stepping away from you. He stays close as you slowly make your way toward the silver doors, and it helps the little confidence you have left. Only when the elevator dings, signaling you’ve reached your desired floor, does Tom speak again,

"Have a good day, Y/N. Hope the tea helps.”

Before you have time to respond, he’s striding down the hallway toward his office. You stand glued to your spot, watching him silently. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t acknowledge it. When the door to his office closes behind him, you’re brought back to reality. A faint blush makes its way to your cheeks as you realize how pathetic you must have looked, and you turn on your heel, trudging toward your own desk.

An hour or two later, after playing around with various designs, you e-mail Harrison to let him know you have prepared three different versions of the invitations, attaching all three of them before pressing send. A blur of excitement and nervousness brews in the pit of your stomach. You have average knowledge of graphic design, and creating the invitations was more fun than work, but the pessimistic part of you keeps telling you that Harrison will hate them. They were far from perfect, but you had put quite the effort into creating them, and you just hoped one of them would be good enough.

A redhead that you don’t recognize stops in next to your desk. You spot her out of the corner of your eye, so you pause your typing and direct your attention toward her. She smiles at you, but you can’t quite decipher if it’s genuine, and she extends her hands. You glance questioningly at the bright red Santa hat in her hand and she quickly explains that it’s an office tradition to have do Secret Santa every year. Although you find the concept slightly childish, you shrug and reach toward the hat containing the names. The woman simply moved on before you could even open the note, and when you did, the name Ned was scribbled down with black ink.

The first task was figuring out who he was. You didn’t socialize much with the others, most of them almost ten years older than you. After some asking around, you were finally able to locate him. At the memory of the whole ordeal, you glance over your shoulder, only to notice that Ned isn’t in his seat. It had turned out, that Ned had been in the same office as you this entire time. You take note of the small LEGO figures placed neatly on his desk before getting back to work. Twenty minutes later, Harrison e-mails you back, asking you to meet him in his office.

You make your way down the hallway, the chunky heels of yours clicking against the floor. Remembering the first time you made your way to Harrison’s office, how nervous you had been, you chuckle at yourself. Over the past month, you had grown quite close to Harrison. The two of you would often debrief and he would need to sign off on your hours at the end of every two weeks. Of course, the two of you never met up outside of work, but you no longer felt nervous about being called into his office.

This confidence falters slightly when you open the door and Tom is sitting on Harrison’s desk, his legs dangling off the edge. Despite him picking you up this morning and the two of you bonding over your shared music taste, you can’t quite shake the awkwardness of being in the same room as him. Harrison being there as well makes it worse because you’re positive he can sense the slight tension. You smile timidly, wishing you hadn’t left your phone at your desk so you could use it as a distraction. They both look at you as you stand there quietly, and you feel yourself flush from the attention.

“I saw the invitations,” Harrison informs, glancing up from his computer screen to look at you. “I showed them to Tom, too.”

“Oh,” you clear your throat. “I’m sorry they’re not good. I really tried-”

“Y/N, they’re great,” Tom interrupts and Harrison nods in agreement.

Your cheeks heat up, once again, at the compliment. Although you had wanted them to like your work, you had told yourself that it was a long-shot and that they would end up hiring a professional graphic designer. Tom studies you for a moment and you avoid his gaze, slowly moving a little closer to Harrison’s desk. The blue-eyed man turns his computer around and you see the three different designs you had created. You analyze them again, already seeing a couple of things that you would change.

“We think they’re all great, so we want to know which one you are the proudest of,” Harrison sends you a smile and you nod, pursing your lips as you pretend to be thinking. You had already chosen your favorite before you sent them.

“This one,” you declare, pointing to your favorite invitation. It was fairly simple; black and white with red details.

You were unsure of what color to choose at first, but you decided to go with red in the spirit of Christmas. It was simple, yet sophisticated. You had kept the intended audience in mind while designing it, and out of the three, you like this invitation the most. Harrison nods at your choice, listening as you put words to your thoughts and explain why that was your first choice.

“Okay, it’s settled then. That’s the invitation,” Harrison looks at Tom briefly. You can’t tell if it’s for approval or agreement, but Tom nods nonetheless. “How’s your Secret Santa going?”

“Horrible,” you mutter, an annoyed groan escaping you. “I have a guy in the marketing department but I barely know him and he’s probably at least five years older than me. I noticed he likes LEGO so I might buy him that. Why do you guys do this anyway?”

Tom smirks, apparently finding your despair amusing. “For this. To see people like you fuss over what to buy a stranger. I find it kind of amusing.”

You scoff, narrowing your eyes at him momentarily. “Well,” you pause with a huff. “It fucking sucks. Now, excuse me, I have to go back to my desk and finish my work.”

The smirk on Tom’s face only grows bigger as he looks at you, fiddling with a pen absentmindedly. He had ditched the blazer he was wearing this morning, the sleeves of his white button-up rolled up to reveal his skin. You watch his fingers move along the pen easily, the movement causing the veins in his arms to be more prominent. Licking your lips, you look back up at him, ignoring your impure thoughts.

“Just remember that someone pulled your name out of the hat, too. Careful who you unleash your anger at,” Tom smirks, almost innocently.

With another huff, you walk out the door, trying your best to ignore their snickers. You watch your dark yellow heels as you walk, the color contrasting the black of your stockings. London was growing colder by each day and it was now too cold to walk from your apartment to the tube and from the tube and to the internship with bare legs. Sitting back down at your desk, you resume your assignment, trying to avoid the thought of all the homework you had waiting when you get home.

tagging these beautiful people: @spideymood // @parkerstan // @smexylemony // @blueeyedbesson // @embrace-themagic // @hazeyholland // @notimeforthemessenger // @alilblogger // @hollandandi // @elentiya02 // // @errorloadinghappiness // @chamilsanya // @moose-munch // @all-the-best-people-are-weird // @starkviibes // @quackson-queen // @hollands99 // @safetypin-inspace // @aquzrius // @tom-hollands-eyelash // @greenarrowhead // @obsesivesun // @pignolithecookie // @justmesadgirl // @satellitespidey // @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel // @butithasntkilledyouyet // @smexylemony // @95lover // @spirito-della-tartaruga // @shannonxbarnes // @softspideyboy // @slut-for-fandoms // @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell // @blueeyedbesson // @phoenixherron // @attractiveoctagon // @hermionedeservesbetterthanron // @theclearblues // @blisshemmings // @inneedoftomholland // @competativekook //

737 notes · View notes

twinkledadwa · 5 years ago

Text

Twinkledad’s #2

Dear Twinkledad,

Am I moving on too fast? I just got out of something super toxic... and not even 10 days later I’m hooking up with someone I just met. My ex really damaged me and I don’t know if I’m doing this to distract myself or if I’m really ready. I feel bad bc this new kid is very sweet and I don’t want to lead him on but also as of right now its just friends with benefits. also I’m talking to a old flame. I just feel lost and like I need a second opinion.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous, When I answered this question on air, I ran into a few technical difficulties with Serato. As a result, the first song had the audio quality of Never Meant earrape once it finally played. I hope it wasn’t too abrasive! Logan was a big fan of it, though.

So.

Here at Twinkledad’s, we support healthy sex lives. The act of hooking up with someone, even right after a breakup, is completely okay. You have this freedom and it’s in your right to use it. Where you should be careful is your intent behind this FWB relationship. What are you getting out of it? Is it sex for the sake of sex, or are you reaching for something deeper?

It is wholly possible you could be wanting the “emotional intimacy” often associated with relationship sex. That could be trouble for you and the other party involved.

Toxic relationships, from common knowledge and experience, can leave a lot of emotional trauma. Now is the time for you to learn how to heal. Finding healthy coping mechanisms is a trial-and-error process. That is what essentially takes up most of the timetable for moving on; once it clicks, and you’ll know when, it’s a matter of days from then.

The question could be, “am I trying to move on too fast?”. Forcing yourself to move on, actively or subconsciously, does not allow you the respect you deserve. Applying what was previously said to your specific question, you could be ignorant to what your emotions need right now. Likewise, if your FWB or old flame are not on the same page as you, they could become more attached than you are. No one’s at fault for this. You’d be coping and that’s reasonable.

You simply asked for a second opinion, and probably didn’t want this long of a response. To give an answer to your original question, yes, I believe you are. I know nothing beyond the question you’ve sent in, but I really wish you the best with everything.

“Anniversary Song” was chosen for its subject matter. The entire album, Just Married, is a very bitter and real portrayal of breaking up, moving on, and dying angry.

“Heathers” is not only catchy, but (possibly) about a booty call. It is a fun introspection about staying up all night and needing someone to talk to.

Glocca Morra - Anniversary Song

Insignificant Other - Heathers

Dear Twinkledad,

How do I apologize to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me? Is there a way where I can apologize without it being self serving?

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

In essence, I feel like this is impossible.

There’s nothing wrong with that. You should give your interests and the other person’s interests the same amount of respect. It is difficult when you have genuine regret over something and you can’t necessarily go across portraying that when the other person, reasonably so, is hurt/upset/any sentiment that results in them not wanting to talk to you.

Apologizing right now, in this situation, will realistically be seen as self serving. In Moral Philosophy we discussed the concept of psychological egoism. Egoism is pretty different from selfishness, as egoism is acting in one’s self interest with wisdom, charity, and kindness towards others. Common critique brings up the possibility that other interests (in this case, the feelings of the other person) could be prioritized and therefore egoism can’t be achieved. Yet a lot of classmates, including myself, argued for all actions being inherently self-interested. Apologizing to your person, how would you consider it? Are you apologizing because they are hurt, or because you miss them?

That’s not to imply you don’t feel regret. We’re humans, philosophy was never meant to be taken as universal truth. It’s to suggest a possible answer on whether or not it would be self serving.

I suggest waiting for them to reach out. They could not be fully over what happened, and that’s straight chilling. I’m sure they recognize how you feel. One point in the future will come a time where both of you are on the same page in the same book.

“Weird Dream, Conscious Stream” was chosen because A.) I Hate Sex is stellar and B.) suggests an impossible reality for the narrator where the subject and other coexist.

“Do You Still Hate Me?” was chosen because of the title. According to Hugh, one of the best songs ever.

“I’m Here for The Pizzah Partie” was an obvious choice. Very obvious. Glaringly obvious. Fact. It’s fact.

I Hate Sex - Weird Dream, Conscious Stream

Jawbreaker - Do You Still Hate Me?

Two Knights - I’m Here For The Pizzah Partie

Dear Twinkledad,

I’m becoming more aware of my sudden anger and sadness outbursts. but I’m scared to go and get checked out bc I don’t want to be drugged up or I guess Face the music.

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

Let’s say you do get checked out. If you have a mental health diagnosis, good news! You have a mental “illness”.

Downside: you are stuck with this for the rest of your life.

Upside: you have all the time in the world to learn how to cope with it.

Getting checked out does not mean you’ll be drugged up. If you are of age, that’s entirely in your control. There are routes of dialectical behavior therapy (or just normal therapy) you can take. Nobody’s necessarily pro-medication in all situations. It’s hard not to have some ignorance of mental health problems if you don’t have the problem for sure. Take whatever path you feel best suits your needs.

We are not our diagnoses. However, it can be of great help to recognize your shitty behavioral ticks and understand why you have them. The start of your question implies you have been aware of specific behavior for some time now. With that, you have already begun to face the music. If you do decide to get checked out but give it a lot of time, a diagnosis could feel like a no-brainer to you. In fact, it could be a weight lifted.

Misdiagnosis can happen. Wrong meds, taking the medication, can happen. It’s part of coping, it sucks major ass. Time will come where mental health can feel worse than ever and like it is inescapable. The important thing is keeping your head up. I really hope you find the answers you want and or need.

I chose “As Cool As An Attempted Suicide”, beyond what the name suggests, for its energy. It’s a fun song for its subject matter. Being sad is not necessarily always bad.

“Why Am I Not Going Under Water?”/Snowing as a whole was an emotional crutch for me when I went through similar struggles. Galm’s vulnerability made me realize I was not alone, and hopefully it does the same for you too.

Leer - As Cool As An Attempted Suicide

Snowing - Why Am I Not Going Underwater?

Dear Twinkledad,

I've never really been in a real relationship my whole life, haven't even lost my virginity. It bothers me more than it probably should, but I feel almost desperate for a more than just a platonic relationship with someone. Wanna be able to have somebody to kiss/cuddle but seem to screw up every opportunity to have something good with someone.

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

A few weeks ago, I matched with someone on Bumble. We had this conversation:

“Heyy”

“Sorry, my mom said I can’t talk to girls.”

“Damn that’s crazy my dad said I can’t talk to boys *frowny face emoji*”

Then I left her on Read. Point being, everything will be okay.

Virginity is frustrating, in theory and in practice. It shouldn’t be a crime to not be sexually active or never had a serious relationship. Yes, love is great. However, one thing you’ll most likely learn when you experience love, because you will, is you can live without it. How we’ve constructed what virginity means has set pretty high expectations of what sex is like. In actuality, it’s pretty mediocre. Fun, but as you continue to open the bag of magic sex tricks, you’ll have plenty of mixed experiences. It is not a necessity by any means.

Love, on the other hand, is uncomfortably tied to our values. For a lot of people, having a family is their primary goal in life. I’ve seen this referred to as “honorable” multiple times as multiple people. What it does, subsequently, is pressure people into viewing sex and love as an accomplishment the same virginity does. Falling in love is an awesome feeling. Falling out of love is a terrible feeling. Experiencing neither does not put such a great weight on your shoulders like love does. To quote Quarterbacks, “love is situational”. You’ll have it. No way in hell you haven’t. The situation has yet to arise.

Dating apps are not worth it. Love is a feeling, right? There’s no need to force it. If you are relatively new in experience, your perception of love can be greatly skewed. I’m sure, whoever you are, you are in safe hands. You’ll be carried into the world of sex and love naturally, not at your own will, where it’s inevitably messier.

Once YOU, not anyone else, are satisfied with your romantic life, please send a message back. I wish you the best of luck knowing you have it, and just want you to be happy.

With a lot of music, worlds tend to be created through the instrumentals and not the lyrics. “Hardly Art” always forces a great sense of introspection and how I handle myself in situations of co dependence whenever it comes on.

“Try to Sleep”’s vocals, lyrics, and stripped back, lo-fi production echoes loneliness from all fronts.

Closer - Hardly Art

Attic Abasement - Try To Sleep

#twinkledad twinkledaddy emo midwestemo willard collegeradio college worldmentalheatlhday mental health

1 note · View note

girlinthe-chair · 6 years ago

Text

Rain & Snow

PAIRING: Tom HollandxOriginal Character (Sloane Reed) SUMMARY: Tom and Sloane have been dating each other for a while, but not without some difficulties. Written from Tom’s perspective, Tom and Sloane are faced with dealing with their unspoken problems. WORD COUNT: a beautifully long 5,666 words A/N: So I really need to thank a couple of people, @upsidedownparker and @bisexualparkers , for helping me A LOT with this. Their feedback was unbelievably helpful for me trying to figure out where I was going with this. Not to mention, I love this a lot more than when I started writing it. It took me a lot longer to write than I was expecting, but I poured my heart and soul (and maybe a little bit of tears) into this. I would love for feedback on this, and whether or not you want me to continue this!

“Thank you so much, Tom,” the yoga-pants-clad blonde moaned into Tom’s ear. Her razor nails dug into his skin, undoubtedly leaving red marks in their wake. Tom prayed the girl — woman? Honestly, he couldn’t tell — couldn’t feel how tense he was standing next to her. He had entirely forgotten what she’d said her name was.

The girl had given her phone to Sloane, who was probably attempting to angle the picture so Tom and the blonde were wholly in the middle of the frame. Sloane’s expression was unreadable — she wasn’t smiling but she wasn’t frowning, she kept her eyes trained onto the screen in front of her in deliberate indifference, and most notably, was taking long, steady breaths in and out. Tom found it mildly terrifying, but he knew what it meant. Sloane was not in the best of moods.

Out of nowhere, Sloane put on the most overly enthusiastic smile to never reach the eyes Tom had ever seen her wear.

“Okay, on three. One, two…” Sloane snapped the pictures hastily. The girl’s nails dug deeper into the skin on his wrist. It was probably out of nervousness, and Tom couldn’t blame her for it, but it hurt like hell, and all he wanted to do was pry his arm away before she broke the skin. He was sure he didn’t have the most delightful look on his face in the pictures.

Sloane relaxed her arms and rested the phone by her side after what felt like millennia. The girl glided over to her, taking the phone from Sloane’s outstretched hand without a single glance her way. Sloane took another measured breath.

“I hope you like them,” she said, careful to keep the smile plastered on. The girl nodded, scrolling through the pictures silently before looking up and throwing a sultry smile Tom’s way. She waved at him, each individual finger moving one by one. She said something about tagging him in the pictures, but Tom couldn’t hear her very well with her back turned to him. She obnoxiously swung her hips in a blatant attempt to get him to stare at her ass as she walked away. Luckily — for Tom and the girl’s sakes — he was more preoccupied with looking at Sloane, his eyebrows pinched. He could tell she was doing everything in her power to keep her face neutral, what with her fists clenched at her sides, watching after the girl. If neutral looks could kill…

Tom walked over to Sloane, trying to grab her attention. She didn’t come back to reality until he placed his hand on her waist, her hazel eyes snapping up to meet Tom’s.

“I’m sorry, love,” Tom said, pushing Sloane’s brown curls behind her ear. She started to lean into his hand but stopped herself.

Sloane crossed her arms, looking down at the wet pavement below her feet. “What do you have to be sorry for?” she muttered. “You were just doing your job. I can’t get mad at you for that.”

A pang of guilt twisted his stomach. “Sloane, you can still be mad at me. It was supposed to be a me and you day, and people have been getting in the way.”

Twenty-two people, to be absolutely accurate. Twenty-two of Tom’s fans had come up to them asking for a picture or a video of Tom saying hi to their friend. To say that Tom understood Sloane’s frustration would be an understatement. It only took so many people coming up to him essentially asking for a favor he would feel bad denying before it started wearing on him. Of course, there were the upsides, like seeing an eight-year-old’s eyes light up when they recognize him as Spider-Man. On any good day, though, twenty-two people were a lot for him, but he was with his girl who he hadn’t seen in ages. It wasn’t too much asking for a day out in public with her, was it?

Tom watched Sloane become less and less animated as the day went on. Sure, she held onto his hand like always, but she slowly started talking less like she was waiting for someone to interrupt their conversation. Sloane started looking around them more instead of looking at him. At this point, Tom was good at ignoring the stares and not-so-whispered comments and clicks of cameras, but it took a lot of getting used to and a lot of time in the public eye. He still didn’t feel entirely comfortable with it. He knew Sloane was even less so.

“You know I’m insanely proud of you, right?” Sloane asked, meeting Tom’s eyes.

Tom tried not to smile at that. He failed but nodded anyway.

“And you know that I’m doing my damndest right now too, right?”

He pulled her closer to him by the ends of her jacket. “Of course,” Tom insisted. “And you’re doing perfectly, love.”

Sloane snorted unabashedly. “I think ‘perfectly’ may be a bit of a stretch, Tom, but thank you.” She sighed. “It’s just…it can be a lot, ya know?”

Tom leaned down, resting his forehead on Sloane’s. “Do you still want to go to dinner?” he asked. “Because I could take you home right now, and you could rest on the couch with a glass of wine while I cook you up the best damn cheese omelet you’ve ever had if that’s what you want.”

Sloane gave him a real smile this time, a light laugh lingering at the end of her breath. “As wonderful as that sounds, I think I want to go to a real restaurant.”

He kissed her nose, taking Sloane’s hand in his. “Then let’s go, darling.”

Tom wasn’t a person with a whole lot of downtime. If he wasn’t shooting a movie, he was promoting one. It was a near constant cycle: prep for a shoot, film the movie, do reshoots, travel to promote, rinse and repeat. Needless to say, Tom was a very busy man, and he only seemed to be getting busier. His popularity was skyrocketing, and there were plenty of directors and producers clamoring to attach Tom to their projects.

The only problem with that was that Tom and Sloane didn’t get to see each other as often as they would like. Yes, the two facetimed and texted as often as they could when he was on set, but it wasn’t like having each other there to actually lean on. Waking up to a “good morning” text was nothing compared to waking up to the real thing.

So it came as a happy surprise to Sloane when Tom called saying he had three whole weeks of zero obligations and unlimited free time. Sloane didn’t have to ask if he was coming to visit. He was on the first flight from London to Seattle he could book. After three and a half months of facetiming and texting, the two were desperate to see each other without worrying about the connection or battery life.

When Sloane picked him up from SeaTac airport, the first thing she did when she saw him was barrel run at him and jump in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. Tom had to drop his bags — and his phone — to catch her, but he couldn’t care less. He peppered her face with kisses and squeezed her close to him. Both Sloane and Tom had activities in mind for the evening, but he fell asleep almost as soon as he got to her apartment, stumbling onto her bed fully dressed. Sloane gave him to next day to adjust to the timezone, which he mainly spent sleeping with a blanket over his head or sleeping with his head in her lap.

The next day, Sloane took Tom on a local’s tour of Seattle as if he’d never been before. She dragged him to the aquarium, getting a few good pictures of him next to the jellyfish tank and, of course, she had to take him to Pike Place Market. “You can’t go to Seattle and not go to Pike Place,” Sloane kept repeating. Tom bought her an overly large sunflower from one of the many flower stands on the street, dramatically getting down on his knee just to hand her the flower. She bought an overly large cookie that was about the size of her head to shared together. Naturally, Tom ate most of it. Tom hesitated when Sloane brought up going on the Great Wheel on Pier 57. He eventually relented after Sloane tricked him into getting in line — he thought she was looking for a bathroom.

The entire day, Tom let Sloane talk and talk and talk, mostly nonsense and inane ramblings about professors and coworkers, or the most recent book she’d read. He’d already heard most of what she had to say during one of the many FaceTime sessions or through texts, but he let her ramble. He enjoyed watching how giddy Sloane got when she talked about something she liked, how her hand gestures became more exaggerated as the story went along and how she suddenly forgot the concept of volume control. Tom loved to actually see how her green eyes got light and bright whenever she looked at him. More importantly, he relished the warmth he felt in his chest when he saw the light and bright in her eyes.

Tom didn’t think much of it when he saw someone with an impressive camera in their hand. Sloane had brought him to the most touristy parts of Seattle after all, so he just assumed it was just another tourist. Not to mention, very few fans had come up to them for pictures that day. But it wasn’t just another tourist. After Tom saw the first person, he began to see more people with impressive cameras not so subtly pointing the lens in their direction. They started off taking their pictures from a distance, but the vultures soon began to swarm the two, pushing their cameras in their faces, not worried about blinding them with the flashes. They shouted questions Tom couldn’t hear or understand, but Tom could hear Sloane call his name weakly. She mumbled it under her breath, along with a whole slew of other orders that just tumbled out of her mouth. When he looked down at her, her face was bunched up. The little wrinkle between her eyebrows told Tom she was about to have a panic attack.

Not wanting to add gasoline to the already smoldering wildfire that had become their day, Tom kept himself as composed as he could, holding Sloane to his side and shielding her face with his hand. Tom repeatedly told them to bugger off. It took them a while to actually do it.

Tom took her home after that, apologizing profusely and brushing her hair out of her face whenever she wouldn’t look up from her hands. He let her breathe, let stray tears fall but not without wiping them away. He did everything he knew to do to help calm her down. Tom hated seeing her like that and felt powerless when he thought he wasn’t helping as much as he wanted to. Sloane kept her eyes closed for a long time, silently sobbing in the passenger seat next to him.

Yes, he knew she was doing her best. Before they even started dating, Tom made sure she knew she wasn’t just getting him. It was his fans, the long months away, and the unwarranted attention she would receive simply by association. She said he was worth it all and made that clear every time they talked. That didn’t stop the guilt and worry from building up anytime they stepped outside.

The restaurant Sloane picked was incredibly active, bordering on hectic. The conversations people were having in the dining room melted together to become just one big noise, with smatterings of dishes clanking and shouting from the kitchen. Tom knew what she was doing. The more people there were, the less likely they would stand out and get bombarded. The hostess sat the two right in the middle of the restaurant in one of the side booths. She kept her attention on Sloane, but Tom could feel her glance bouncing back and forth between him and Sloane, probably trying not to stare at him too much and instead staring at her too much.

“Your waiter will be right with you,” she clucked, staring directly at Sloane.

“Thank you,” Tom said, giving a friendly smile to the hostess. She nodded, walking away with her cheeks burning red.

Sloane scanned the menu, biting off a piece of the breadstick she grabbed from the basket in the middle of the table. Her eyes darted over every item and every picture. She couldn’t have been aware that her tongue was peeking out from between her lips, something she often did when she was concentrating. Her tight, brown curls spilled just over her shoulders. It was one of Tom’s favorite things to mess with, her curls. They wound so tightly that pulling on it and letting it go made it jump back into place…and they were always so soft, the kind of soft that was sort of mesmerizing.

She looked up from the menu, an eyebrow raised. “Whatchya staring at?” Sloane asked, innocent as can be.

Tom came back to reality, smiling innocently at her. “Hmm. Why?”

Sloane set the menu down, resting her arms on the table. “You were staring at me with this…” She swirled a finger around her face. “…this far-off, detached happy look on your face.��

He shrugged. “Well, you can’t very well blame me for liking to look at you, love,” he praised. “You just have a very stare-able face.”

“I’m not exactly sure what that means, but okay.” Sloane was smiling, shaking her head when she picked the menu up again.

The waiter came up to the table then, introducing himself as Robbie and doing a double take when he looked up from his notepad to ask if they wanted anything to drink. He looked like he wanted to say something to Tom and it was killing him not to. Tom was thankful he didn’t. Robbie just took down their order — beer for him, water for her — and walked away with a silly smile on his face.

Sloane let out a sigh. “I was worried there for a second.” She didn’t have to say why. Tom knew. He just wished it would stop coming up. But it wouldn’t. He knew that, too.

Tom went back to watching Sloane as she talked, still munching on her breadstick. As she told her story, something about her parents’ ski trip in Europe, she used the bread to gesture wildly. There was no doubt in his mind that she didn’t realize how big her hand gestures were, and it made him smile. He pulled out his phone.

“—and now, all I can do is think about my dad tumbling down a mountain, and every time I do I can’t help but — what are you doing?”

Tom’s smile grew when he took the picture. He had caught her just before Sloane realized what he was doing. She had the half-eaten breadstick in her hand, her other dragged through her hair. She had a curious smile on her face, right before the realization hit her eyes. She looked…positively radiant.

“Tom!” Sloane reached over the table to try to get his phone, but he blocked her hand just in time, pulling back so she couldn’t reach. “Tom, that’s not fair! I wasn’t paying attention!”

Tom pulled up Instagram, furiously typing a caption in and tagging Sloane before posting the picture. When Sloane’s phone buzzed on the table, she looked down at her phone. She looked up at him with squinted eyes.

“Oh, you didn’t.”

“Oh, I did.”

Robbie came back with their drinks right as Sloane grabbed her phone off the table, glaring at Tom but obviously trying not to grin.

“So,” Robbie said, notepad and pen at the ready, “have you guys figured out what you wanted?”

“Crazy breadstick lady, heart emoji? Really?”

“…I’m sorry?”

Sloane looked up at the poor, confused waiter, suddenly becoming aware of his presence. “Oh, sorry, not…I wasn’t talking to…um, sorry, can I have the Hawaiian sriracha shrimp?”

“Of course, and for you, sir?”

Tom flustered a bit, having not even looked at the menu since they sat down, and picked the first thing his eyes landed on — a mushroom garden burger. To say he immediately and adamantly regretted the choice would be an understatement. Tom was far from vegetarian and was more than slightly opposed to mushrooms on any given day. Sloane raised her eyebrows at him when he said it out loud. Even Robbie the Waiter looked at him funny for a moment before writing it down.

“Just, um…trying something new, I guess.” At least it came with fries…?

Robbie the Waiter took their menus and left with an “alrighty then.”

“You are just…so weird right now,” Sloane said, taking another bite of the breadstick. “Crazy breadstick lady and now a mushroom garden burger?”

Tom shrugged. “Well, one, you are a crazy breadstick lady, Sloane,” he said, his smile meeting her glare. “And two, is it a crime to want to try something new?”

“Tom, you hate mushrooms.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And you’re very much not a vegetarian.”

“…mmhmm.”

Sloane pointed at him with the breadstick. “See? Weird.”

Tom chuckled. He glanced over her shoulder for a moment, his eyes wandering the restaurant, and caught the eye of a man wearing a red scarf. He was looking right at him and was unwavering with his stare after Tom caught him looking at them. Tom saw the man try to hide the camera from view, but he wasn’t fast enough.

Frustration welled up inside of him, but he had to tamper it down so Sloane wouldn’t see it on his face. Tom didn’t know what Sloane would do if she knew they had followed them into the restaurant, but he knew it wouldn’t be good. For anyone. The pang of guilt returned, twisting his stomach and almost ruining what little appetite he had. Sloane, ever the talker, didn’t even notice and continued the story about her dad tumbling down a mountain.

That is, until she heard the click.

She didn’t know where it came from. Sloane looked around the restaurant, eyebrows pinched. Tom reached for her hand, grabbing her attention. “Ignore them, Sloane.”

Sloane whipped her head around to meet Tom’s eyes. “Ignore them? How —”

“If we give them nothing to photograph, they’ll leave us alone. Just…” Tom sighed, glancing at the man in the red scarf. “Just pretend they’re not there. They’ll get bored at some point.”

Sloane let out a heavy breath, taking her hand from Tom’s and reaching for her water. “They never get bored, Tom.”

The man in the red scarf wasn’t shy of showing off his camera now. He held it up for everyone in the restaurant to see, snapping picture after picture. Some people at neighboring tables looked at the man before seeing who he was taking pictures of, pulling out their phones to take their own photos. He even dared to smirk at Tom from over Sloane’s shoulder. Tom wanted to believe he saw a forked tongue between those crooked teeth.

“I’ll be right back,” Tom said. “I see someone I haven’t talked to in a while.”

Tom didn’t wait for Sloane to say “okay” before getting up from the table, keeping his eyes on the man in the red scarf. The man raised a single eyebrow at Tom, continuing to take pictures of him as he stomped towards his table. Tom ignored the whispers from other tables. When Tom reached his table, the man left his camera in his lap, no doubt recording whatever conversation they were about to have. At this point, Tom didn’t care.

“Excuse me, sir,” Tom said in the calmest tone he could muster. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I can see you’re taking pictures of my girlfriend and me. We’ve had a lot of people take pictures of us today. Do you think you could let me eat dinner with her without you bothering us?”

The man adjusted the camera in his lap. “I’m sorry, Tom, but I’m not one of the people that have been taking pictures of you today, not until now.”

Tom attempted to ignore the fact that the man called him by his name as if he knew him at all. The nerve…“Okay, but I’m asking you to stop.” He crossed his arms.

“How long do you plan on staying in Seattle, Tom?”

Tom let the frustration play on his face. “Please, stop.”

“I’m assuming you’re staying at Sloane’s?”

“Please don’t talk about her.”

“I can guess you had…plans for this evening.”

Tom could feel red creeping up his neck. This man was making him angry. “Look, man, if you don’t leave us alone, I swear I’ll —”

“You’ll what?” the man asked, unfazed. “You’ll break my camera? Make a scene? I’m sure your girlfriend would just love that.”

Tom looked back at Sloane. She was turned all the way in her spot, confusion wringing her face. He could see her looking around, noticing all the people looking in their direction. What’s going on? she mouthed to him. Tom softened. He couldn’t, wouldn’t make a scene, not now. Tom turned back to the man.

“I’m asking nicely, man. Stop.”

The man raised his hands in defense. “Sorry. I’m just doing my job.”

If it wouldn’t have made a scene, Tom would have grabbed his camera and threw it on the floor. He could see himself doing it and knew just how good it would feel, how confident he would feel. But there was no way he could do it, as much as he wanted to.

So he walked away, his fists clenched so tightly he could feel the strain in his knuckles. Sloane was bitting her lip when he finally sat down, her focus trained on Tom. He kept his eyes on the man in the red scarf.

“Tom?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Tom, you can’t tell me not to worry about it,” Sloane said. “I’m going to worry about it. About you.”

Tom blinked at Sloane for a moment. “There’s nothing to worry about, really.” He kept his tone even, leaving to cause for Sloane to be worried. “I —”

“Ohmygod, you’re right!” a high-pitched voice rang. “It is him, ohmygod!”

A group of girls came running up to their table, all smiles and overeager eyes. They looked about high school aged and young enough to be more annoying than usual. The girls all spoke at once, their voices melting together into one high-pitched squeal as they came up to them with their phones asking for pictures. They got other people around them to notice the commotion, and they must have felt more inclined to come up to their table, too because soon their table was flanked by people with their cameras and phones and flashes and voices and noise and —

Sloane wasn’t sitting across from Tom anymore. He had no idea when she got up, when she decided it was too much, but she was gone. He stood up suddenly, having to push people out of his way just to get out of the booth. Tom looked toward the entrance, hoping to see Sloane standing there waiting for him or something, anything — the guilt was pressing so hard on his stomach he was positive he was going to throw up — but she wasn’t standing by the entrance. No, she was standing next to the man in the red scarf, talking to him. Sloane didn’t look like she wanted to be standing there, listening to him. Tom knew she was desperate to get out of that restaurant as fast as she could, but the man stopped her. He showed her something on his phone. Sloane looked Tom dead in the eye for a moment before scanning the faces of the dozens of people that were surrounding him, then started walking out the door.

Tom managed to maneuver himself out of the crowd of people only to run into Robbie the Waiter with their dinner, the food and dishes landing on the tile floor with a hard crash. People gasped behind Tom.

“I am so sorry,” Tom said, bending down to help Robbie pick up the broken dishes.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” he reassured. “It happens more often than you think.” Tom started to pull out money from his wallet, but Robbie stopped him. “It’s fine, you just get away from these vultures.”

Tom gave him a thankful nod before getting back on his feet and running towards the door. When he made it out of the packed restaurant, he was hit by cold, dry Seattle winter air. He pulled his jacket closer to his body, scouring the street before seeing a cloud of curly black get into the passenger side of her car. He jogged over, eager to get to Sloane to apologize — and to get into a warm car — and to get her home. Tom knew all she wanted to do was to get home, away from people. Probably away from him, too.

Sloane sat as close to the door as she possibly could when Tom sat down in the driver’s seat of the car, avoiding looking at him and deciding instead to look at her hands. Tom couldn’t tell if she was angry or upset or both.

“Sloane?” She didn’t look at him or give any signs that she even heard him. Tom turned himself in his seat so he was facing her. He wanted desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, but he knew if he did she’d squirm away. “Sloane, I am so sorry. I’m beyond sorry. I can’t explain to you how sorry I am —”

“Stop, just stop,” Sloane whispered.

“I don’t want you to think that you come second, Sloane, because you don’t. And I wish none of that could have happened because —”

“I said stop, Tom,” she said, a bit harsher than before. “I don’t really want to talk right now.”

They sat in silence the entire way back to Sloane’s apartment. Every now and then Tom would glance over at her to see her looking out the window or looking at nothing at all. At a stop light, Tom noticed Sloane scrolling through the comment section of his post, scouring through every word and linger on those that weren’t…well, those that weren’t very nice, to say the least.

Tom hated when she did that, which luckily wasn’t often. There were too many fan accounts on Instagram that commented terrible things about Sloane on his posts, even if she wasn’t in the picture. It became too tedious to try and block every account that said a bad word about his girl, so he stopped long before, attempting to indirectly tell people to stop in his captions. Of course, they never really stopped. Tonight seemed to be worse than usual.

Most of the time, Sloane didn’t notice or didn’t care what people commented on Tom’s posts. There were too many to read, and most of the time it was pointless trying to read all the hateful comments people left just to get her feelings hurt. Apparently, though, Sloane was in the mood to get her feelings hurt.

Tom wanted to do something to make up for the past two days. The only moment of peace they were able to have was the first day Tom was in Seattle, the day he spent mostly sleeping. He ran different options in his head, thinking over what would make Sloane happy. For some reason, “ski” kept popping up in his head.

If life worked like a bad Saturday morning cartoon, a lightbulb would have appeared and lit up above Tom’s head. At the next stoplight, Tom pulled out his phone and texted an old friend for a favor. He responded almost immediately with the answer Tom was hoping for.

As soon as Tom put the car in park, Sloane unbuckled herself and jumped out the car faster than Tom could comprehend it. She was still upset, no doubt, stomping off into the building and unlocking her apartment door. Tom tread in behind her, feeling lighter than before and much more sure of himself.

Sloane had plopped herself on the couch, her arm thrown over her eyes. Tom went to the kitchen and filled a glass of water, setting it down on the side table close to her head. She didn’t say anything, and neither did he, despite the smile on his face. Tom walked into Sloane’s bedroom, grabbing his suitcase and backpack from next to her dresser and wheeling it outside. Sloane uncovered her eyes, watching Tom come in and out of the bedroom.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, sitting up on her elbows to get a better look at him. “I’m upset, Tom, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in some hotel or something.”

Tom took more of his stuff out of the bedroom, stuffing his computer and a couple of books into his backpack. “I’m not,” he said cryptically.

Sloane cocked an eyebrow. “Then what are you doing?” He didn’t respond, instead speed-walking into the bedroom closet to find Sloane’s suitcase. “Tom?”

“Where’s your passport?” Tom called from the other room.

“My…my passport?” Tom could hear Sloane slide off the couch. “Why the hell are you looking for my passport, exactly?”

Sloane stood in the doorway of her room, leaning against the frame. Tom smiled at her, pushing her bright yellow suitcase out of the closet. “We are going on a trip,” he said, “away from as many fans and cameras and evil paparazzi guys in red scarfs as we can for as long as we can.” Tom sat down at the end of Sloane’s bed, heaving the suitcase in front of the dresser. “How does that sound?”

Tom could see a slight smile forming on Sloane’s lips at the mere idea of it, but crossed her arms. “Details, Tom. I need details.”

That was something, at the very least. “My mum and dad have this old friend they keep in touch with every now and again,” Tom started, getting a bit excited. “I think he’s a professor or something…professor of what, I’m not exactly sure, but —”

Sloane laughed a bit. “Tom, too many details.”

“Right. Okay, well, his son Will and I were pretty close growing up, and their family is pretty well off, so they have a ton of vacation homes all over the place — including on Whistler.”

“Whistler…as in Whistler Mountain in Canada?”

Tom nodded. “I’ve been there a couple of times, it’s really nice. It’s a cabin not too far up the mountain, but far enough where you can get some good skiing in, plus there are some amazing views from up there. It’s not too big, but it’s also not a shoebox. There’s an electric fireplace and a jacuzzi in the back…where was I going with this?” He snapped his fingers. “Right! So, I texted Will just now, and he said that nobody’s at the cabin and they’re not renting it out, so we have full reign over it until they basically kick us out!”

Sloane slowly uncrossed her arms, taking in every piece of information that spilled from Tom’s lips bit by bit. “Wait, so you’re not joking?” she asked. “You mean this? You're not just an ass to get on my nerves? You actually want to take me to a secluded cabin in the woods on a mountain in a different country?”

Tom shifted a bit. “Well, when you put it like that, you make me sound like some kind of serial killer or somethi—”

Sloane jumped at Tom — well, more like pounced — making him fall back onto the bed. She straddled his hips, leaning down to kiss every inch of his face. All Tom could do was laugh and enjoy Sloane’s sudden change in mood.

They sat up, Tom keeping his arms wrapped around her waist. Sloane took Tom’s face in her hands and laid a soft kiss on his lips. When she pulled away, she slugged him right in the shoulder.

“Hey!”

“I’m still mad, Thomas Holland,” Sloane mumbled. “But…this may make me a little less mad.”

Tom pushed the curls from Sloane’s face. “So you wanna go?”

“Of course I wanna go, Tom, are you kidding? Imagine the kinds of pictures I can get…not to mention, it’s going to be cold which means a lot of you and me time.”

“Exactly what I was thinking, love.” Tom kissed the tip of her nose. He was sure Sloane could feel the smile on his lips. “So…do you want to head out now or…?”

“Absolutely not!” Sloane exclaimed. “It has been a long day. I need to sleep in my bed and not in the car, and I refuse to let you drive four hours across the border and up a mountain right now. So we will leave in the morning.”

Tom nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Sloane moved off of Tom and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Tom fell back on the bed again, that wonderful feeling of relief swimming through his veins. They would have to talk about what happened, Tom knew that, but at the very least Sloane wasn’t keeping her mind on the bad — at least, Tom hoped.

By the time Sloane came out of the shower and was ready for bed, Tom was fast asleep on her bed, right on top of the sheets fully clothed with his signature smile lingering on his lips.

TAGGING SOME BEAUTIFUL MUTUALS @notimeforthemessenger , @gottaletgopete , @idektomholland , @holyheckholland, @yoinksholland , @racing-faster , @starksparker , @starkravingparker , @holland-ish, @hollandlovely

#tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland moodboard #tom holland one shots #tom holland au #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #?

42 notes · View notes