#the way she makes a crack about how he’s not once remembered her birthday in 4 years

[carefulfears]

just remembered that time that scully was slowly dying and probably not going to live to her next birthday and mulder was completely refusing to recognize that fact but took her out to a bar and had the waiters bring out a sno-ball with a sparkler and sang “happy birthday special agent dana katherine scully” while everyone else sang “happy birthday dana” like a super embarrassing annoying loser while she rolled her eyes then stared at him like she was gonna cry when he wasn’t looking and he gave her a dorky ass space keychain that she saw the entire world in. nobody hmu

[januaryembrs]

oblivious!reader x downbad!spencer who’s not even nervous to flirt with reader anymore cuz she just doesn’t get it (probs older episodes spence)

CLUELESS | Spencer Reid x reader

description: Spencer's got a crush, too bad you're entirely clueless to his dilemma. (S3!Spencer in mind)

length 1.2k

At first he’d thought it was the world’s gentlest form of rejection, how you would dodge his questions, barely bat an eye at him laying himself bare for you, thought that maybe you were pretending not to see the way his hands shook and voice quivered to save him some face. 

“I-I was wondering if you wanted to go see Zodiac at the movie theatre?” He stammered, obsessively tucking his hair behind his ear because it felt like it was ticking his cheeks, or perhaps that was just some residual sweat gathering on his temple because you were just so pretty when you looked at him like that, your eyes wide and excited, waiting for him to finish speaking because you always loved to listen to him, “I was thinking we could try comparing it to the actual case and figure out how accurate their hollywood version of it is,” 

Your face lit up like the fourth of July, and your smile was blinding, “Oh, I love the movies! It’s going to be so fun, Spence!” You chirped, whirling around in your desk chair to meet Emily’s bored stiff expression as she scrolled through her computer, “Em, Spencer wants us to go see Zodiac, you in?” 

Spencer paled, because that was not what he’d meant by we whatsoever. It wasn’t that he held anything against Emily, nor JJ or Penelope as they were quickly roped into the plans as well, he just hadn't had them in mind when he thought to ask you out on a date. From what he could tell you hadn’t escaped spending time with him alone on purpose. He just hadn’t quite been specific in his question, it was an easy mistake to make. 

But you looked so excited as you organised who was getting what snacks, quickly dibsing the seat slap bang in the middle of everyone so you wouldn’t feel like anyone got left out. He thought his chest stuttered when you grabbed his hand and asked if you could sit with him since he’d remember the most about the original case, and you’d need his big brain for the little game he had planned. 

Spencer agreed, instead of trying to make it clear what he’d meant by his original question, because he hated disappointing people and the other girls seemed just as thrilled to go see the movie as you were. It wasn’t until Morgan slapped him on the back with a chuckle, having watched the whole thing from his own desk that Spencer felt truly dumb. 

“You’re going to have to try better than that, pretty boy,” He exclaimed, and Spencer bit his lip in thought, “Try asking her to do something in a way that leaves no room for confusion, girls like it when you’re direct,” 

And he nodded vehemently, because dating advice from Morgan was usually sound and bulletproof, how else would would he have garnered the ladies man reputation?

Direct, he could be direct. Sure, Spencer could be direct. 

He swallowed heavily just thinking about it. 

–

“These are for you,” Spencer jumped in before you could get sidetracked by chatting his ear off about the squirrel you’d nearly ran over on your way to work, and your expression flitted into surprise. 

He handed you the big bunch of pink roses and baby’s breath, and your mouth cracked into a smile immediately. “Oh, Spencer, these are beautiful, you shouldn’t have. My birthday’s not for another week,” 

“And I booked us a table at that Thai place on your block that you always get- wait birthday?” Spencer stumbled over his script, the words he’d been practising all morning coming to an effective halt as he realised once again his intentions had flown right over your head. And yet before he could set his record straight, just like you had last time, you’d jumped at the chance of spending time with him without understand just what you were agreeing to. 

“I love Thai food, that’s so thoughtful of you, Spence,” You said, hopping up out of your chair to give him a bear hug around his lithe waist, the flowers still tightly in the palm of your hand. He reciprocated, even if his expression was a terrible mix of frustration and confusion. 

It was like someone had cast some sort of spell over his words so that he’d never be able to ask you out on a date, like he was trying to speak in a dream, the words never really coming out. You weren’t dumb, not by any means, you could be a little naive sometimes, but never cruel. Spencer had no idea what the answer was. He guessed he was right back at square one.

–

“I don’t know man, I tried asking her to the movies, she thought it was a group thing. I tried taking her out for dinner, she thought it was for her birthday, I even asked if she wanted to come over to mine and she thought I meant a sleepover. What’s romantic about pillow forts?” Spencer sighed, leaning his head into his palm as he watched you swan around the office without a single inkling of his affections, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had fun at every one of them, but I just want there to be more. Maybe she just doesn’t feel the same,” 

“Don’t lose hope, pretty boy,” Derek comforted, the seemingly appointed love Guru that had had to witness two weeks of Spencer’s advances get sidelined. He followed Reid’s gaze to where you hummed a song to yourself as you collected files from Emily’s desk to take them over to your own. He bit his lip in thought, “I don’t think it’s personal, honest, I don’t think she means anything by it. You just need to be clearer,” 

“Clearer?” Spencer said with raised brows, using a single prod of his converse to swivel himself around to face you, and your expression perked into a smile just from seeing him. Derek watched the two of you closely, his theory all but game set and match as you seemed genuinely excited to see their resident genius who was convinced there was nothing there, “That shirt is really cute on you. It makes your eyes look really pretty,” Spencer said, in his most direct tone possible, because the nervousness seemed to dissipate when he knew you wouldn’t pick up on his intentions. The only sign you’d heard him at all was the way your fingers ruffled his hair affectionately. 

“Aw, thank you, Spencer,” You said, a little bounce in your step as you passed his desk to your own, running a gentle hand over his arm, where his blue striped shirt bunched around his biceps, “I like your purple one the best, but this one’s quite handsome too,” You replied, grabbing the other wad of papers from your drawer without much of a reaction and heading up the stairs to Hotch’s office, and he turned back to Morgan, throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

Morgan laughed, shaking his head and yanking his cup of coffee towards him, “She’ll figure it out some day, lover boy. I give it a month, tops,” 

And Spencer huffed, wheeling himself back to his desk, his eyes naturally trailing up to the large window that divided them from Hotch’s personal space, the two of you discussing something jovially as if you were none the wiser to his internal predicament. 

He made a note to wear his purple shirt more often.

[finelinefae]

my darling

synopsis: a love triangle

word count: 10.8k

contains: angst angst angst, love triangle, mfm, best friends to lovers, boarding school, violence, unrequited love,

a/n: i wrote this for wattpad during the My Policeman era. I wanted to post it here after re-reading it. I remember this being one of the first pieces of fanfic i felt super proud of !! warning it is pretty sad

. . .

Then — 1996

Dear Diary,

Today we moved into our new home in Halton. It’s small, quaint, and quiet—very quiet. The kind of place where everyone seems set in their routines, the same patterns repeating every day. I already miss London. Mum says this will be good for us, though. Good to get away from the drama. Good to get away from Dad.

The house isn’t as big as our old one. I have to share a room with Delilah now, but it’s fine—I’ll be off to boarding school by the end of the summer. Mum says I’ll enjoy it since she went to the same school at my age, but I think she’s just trying to make me feel better. Who actually enjoys living at school?

It’s a three-hour drive from Halton, which feels like a world away. I’m nervous, excited, sad, and happy all at once. The feelings are so overwhelming they all blur together into something I can only describe as... heavy. Like my life is a snow globe someone’s just shaken up, glitter falling everywhere. It looks magical at first, but the reality is you’re stuck cleaning it up for weeks, finding it in the oddest places long after.

I miss my dog. I never got to say goodbye.

Dad cried when we left. I’ve never seen him cry before. He told me it wasn’t goodbye, just a "see you later." Mum always says Dad’s a good liar, but I don’t think he was lying this time. Maybe it was the tears—they don’t suit him.

-

Dear Diary,

Today I moved into my dorm at Southend Park School.

Mum was annoyed we had to wake up before seven to pack the car and drive me down, even though this was all her idea. She’s probably just tired—or maybe something else. I have a suspicion she’s met someone. I’m not sure how she moved on from Dad so quickly. Did she ever really love him?

My dorm has six girls, including me. I’ve mostly been talking to Ellis, who’s in the room next door. She’s fourteen, older than the rest of us, but only because her birthday is the 1st of September. Today’s the third, so her advantage is technical, but she likes to remind us.

Being alone here scares me, but it’s nothing new. Delilah always had loads of friends, and Dad was always working. Mum was usually out socializing, too.

Mum cried as we finished unpacking, promising she’d pick me up for half-term or that I could come home anytime. But I don’t want to go home. I hate it there.

Tomorrow is a full day of inductions, and I’m worried about making friends. Southend Park is a mixed school, and boys make me nervous. I’d rather have no friends at all than feel like I have to pretend to be someone I’m not.

I still feel like I’m picking up glitter from months ago. I wonder when it will finally stop.

-

Dear Diary,

I made two friends. You’ll never guess—they’re boys!

Their names are Harry and Dylan. They’re both thirteen, like me, but they feel older somehow. They even live in the same dorm and invited me over this weekend.

We met during lunch in the courtyard. I was sitting alone when Dylan walked up first, chatting easily and cracking jokes. Harry followed behind, much quieter. Dylan has blond hair and a small scar on his eyebrow from climbing trees back in Morston. Harry’s hair is thick and curly—I wanted to touch it but stopped myself because, well, that would’ve been weird.

Harry didn’t say much at first, though I noticed him glancing at me. When I met his gaze, he blushed and looked down at his extra-polished school shoes.

We didn’t talk much again until the end of the day, on the way back to the dorms. That’s when we compared timetables and realized we share four classes, including English Literature. It’s just Harry and me in that one, though.

I never thought I’d be friends with boys, but I like it. It feels different from being friends with girls—less pressure to act outgoing or girly. I hope we stay friends. I like them both a lot.

. . .

Then — 2000

“Hey, Harry,” Y/N called, running across the field toward the headmaster’s office where Harry stood, focused on his Nokia flip phone.

Harry glanced up, his expression softening when he saw her. He tucked the phone into his pocket and waved her over. Despite the end-of-day chaos, both were still dressed in their school uniforms. “Hey, baby.” He greeted her with a quick kiss, pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. He loved how perfectly she fit against him, as though they were made for each other.

“What’s going on? Aren’t we meeting Dylan to go to Ellis’ dorm?” Y/N asked, frowning slightly as she looked around for their other best friend.

Harry smirked, shaking his head. “We are, but Dylan got caught passing notes to Casey Becker in geometry. He’s stuck with thirty minutes in the headmaster’s office to make amends.”

Y/N chuckled, her laugh warm and familiar. “Again? He’s going to get himself expelled if he’s not careful.” She slid her hands under Harry’s blazer, warming them against his torso.

Harry brushed a strand of hair from her face, letting his thumb linger on her cheekbone. “How was your day?” he murmured, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

“It was fine,” Y/N replied. “I scored three points in netball, and Tessa Riley gave me daggers in the changing room.” She giggled, leaning into him.

Harry smiled, pride gleaming in his eyes. “That’s m’girl.” He bent down and kissed her forehead gently.

“Oh, please, don’t make me sick,” a familiar voice drawled, breaking the moment.

“Hi, Dylan.” Y/N turned to see him strolling down the stone steps, his blazer slung over his shoulder and a cigarette dangling between his fingers. She leaned back against Harry, crossing her arms.

“Hello, my darling Y/N,” Dylan teased, his tone playful as he lit the cigarette with practiced ease.

“Seriously, Dylan?” Harry said, narrowing his eyes. “Do you really need another detention?”

“Don’t you smoke, Styles?” Dylan shot back, grinning. “Besides, Mary would love to see me again after our chat earlier. She’s got a soft spot for me.” He smirked, wiping his thumb across the corner of his mouth.

Y/N rolled her eyes, stepping away from Harry’s warmth. She was long used to Dylan’s antics—four and a half years of friendship had left little room for surprises.

The three of them had been inseparable since their first days at Southend Park Boarding School. Despite their differences in personality, they were like a family unit, supporting one another through the highs and lows of adolescence.

Dylan, the loudest of the trio, was notorious for his sharp wit and knack for trouble. Teachers despaired over his behavior, but students were drawn to his charm—especially the girls, who fell for his rebellious streak and the ever-present cigarette.

Harry, by contrast, was the golden boy: smart, polite, and beloved by staff. He balanced his role as student ambassador with captaining the football team, a position that made him one of the most popular boys in school. Dylan teasingly called him a “teacher’s pet,” but Harry wore the label without shame.

Y/N was the quietest of the three, rarely seeking the spotlight. She volunteered in the school library every Tuesday and spent her free time with her dorm mates. Still, Harry and Dylan were fiercely protective of her, and she often marveled at how lucky she was to have them.

The trio walked out of the school gates toward the housing blocks, their shadows stretching long in the late afternoon sun. Harry carried Y/N’s backpack on one shoulder, his free hand clasping hers. Dylan trailed behind, typing on his phone with an unlit cigarette between his teeth.

“Ellis doesn’t want you bringing anything to the party this time, Dylan,” Y/N warned, glancing over her shoulder. “You know what happened last time. If you pull that again, you’re getting kicked out of school.”

“My darling Y/N,” Dylan began with exaggerated sincerity, pausing for effect, “only for you.”

Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile.

When they reached her dorm, Y/N kissed Harry on the cheek and took her bag from his shoulder. “I’ll see you both later?” she asked, her eyes bright.

Dylan saluted her without looking up from his phone, while Harry smiled warmly. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, Harry,” she replied before disappearing inside.

Harry and Dylan walked in silence toward their dorm. The tension was palpable, Dylan unusually quiet as Harry’s mind churned with unspoken thoughts.

“We’re going to have to tell her at some point,” Dylan murmured, his voice low as the setting sun bathed the path in a golden glow.

Harry’s heart tightened. “No, we don’t.”

“Harry—”

“Shut up, Dylan. Nothing happened.” Harry’s voice was sharp, cutting Dylan off before he could continue.

They stopped, staring at each other, the air between them heavy. Harry’s frustration burned in his eyes, while Dylan’s sadness hung like a weight on his shoulders.

“I love her,” Harry finally said, his voice trembling. “I’ll never love anyone else as much as I love Y/N.”

Without another word, he turned and stormed into their dormitory, leaving Dylan alone on the pavement. Dylan exhaled shakily, the ache in his chest unbearable.

. . .

Then — 1998

Dear Diary,

It’s been a month since my fifteenth birthday, and Harry finally asked me out on a date. It feels like a dream, the kind where everything is so perfect you fear waking up to find it never happened.

To be honest, I think I’m already in love with him. He’s always been so kind to me, much more than Dylan. Harry carries my bag to class when I have netball, and sometimes, during English Literature, I catch him staring at me. There’s something about the way his gaze lingers that makes me feel seen.

In art class, he taught me how to use watercolors for the first time, his thumb brushing against mine as he guided me. Little moments like that remind me how much I care for him—so much that the thought of being without him feels unbearable. Is that dramatic? Probably. But I can’t help it if it’s true.

Even when I’m talking to Ellis during lunch or before bed, my mind wanders back to Harry—his smile, his eyes, the way he laughs at my jokes even when they aren’t funny, and how he hugs me differently from everyone else.

It feels strange to be fifteen and falling so deeply. What do I know about love at this age? How much further can I fall?

I think I’m going to love him forever. I hope he loves me forever too.

-

Dear Diary,

Harry kissed me today. My first kiss—with the boy I love most in the entire world.

I knew it was going to happen. We’d just finished dinner in the dining hall when he asked if I wanted to take a walk in the gardens. Dylan wanted to come along, but Harry shook his head, saying he wanted it to be just the two of us.

I felt a twinge of guilt when I looked back and saw Dylan standing there, his expression heavy as he watched us leave. He kept staring at Harry, even as we walked past the window overlooking the gardens.

Harry brought me to the tulips because he knows they’re my favorite. He said my braid looked pretty today, and that’s when I knew—I truly, completely loved him. It was the worst braid I’ve ever done, but he still thought it was beautiful.

We sat on a swinging bench, listening to birds returning to their nests. When he said my name, it sounded magical, like it had been made for his lips alone. I turned to look at him, and that’s when he leaned in and kissed me.

It felt like a scene from a movie.

No one ever tells you what it’s like to kiss someone for the first time. The way their breath mingles with yours, the world fading away as you close your eyes and step into a place so tender it consumes you. It makes you wonder if you’ve ever been truly loved before.

We only stopped because we heard a rustling in the bushes. We looked around but didn’t find anything, so Harry walked me back to my dorm. He kissed me again outside the door, and I floated through the rest of the night, humming to myself as I got ready for bed.

But when I think back to that moment, I could swear I saw a tuft of blond hair sticking out from behind a bush.

. . .

Now — 2000

Y/N sat cross-legged in front of the mirror on Ellis’ floor, carefully applying mascara as Fiona Apple played softly in the background. Ellis sat nearby, painting her nails a deep red.

“I’m just saying,” Ellis began, waving the brush for emphasis, “you and Harry have been dating for two years, and you haven’t done the deed yet?”

Y/N flushed at the mention of sex, shifting uncomfortably. She hated talking about it, even with Harry. Maybe it was because she didn’t know much about it or because she’d never had a safe space to ask questions, but every time the topic came up—whether in conversation or during truth or dare—she wanted to run for cover.

“We’re waiting for the right time,” Y/N said evenly, her voice robotic as she repeated the well-rehearsed answer.

“The right time?” Ellis scoffed. “I’ve never seen a couple more in love—it’s nauseating.”

Y/N hesitated, her mind drifting to moments when she’d wanted to take things further with Harry. But he always stopped before it went too far. Sometimes it made her feel like she wasn’t enough—pretty enough, desirable enough—but then he’d kiss her softly and remind her how beautiful she was, stroking her cheek as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “We’ve done... things, but not that.”

“Is Harry religious or something?” Ellis asked, narrowing her eyes.

“No, I don’t think so,” Y/N replied with a frown. “He’s never mentioned it.”

“Maybe he’s waiting until marriage,” Ellis mused.

The thought of marrying Harry made Y/N’s heart swell. She’d dreamed of it ever since their first kiss in the gardens—walking down the aisle in a white dress, Harry waiting for her at the end, tears in his eyes. Maybe they’d both cry.

“I don’t mind waiting,” Y/N said, her voice soft but certain. “I love him enough to wait as long as he needs me to.”

Ellis groaned, grabbing a bottle of vodka from her bedside table. “You can’t say stuff like that when I haven’t had a single drink.” She poured herself a shot and downed it in one go. “Okay, continue.”

Y/N laughed and turned back to her reflection, humming Queen’s Love of My Life as her thoughts drifted back to Harry.

. . .

Then — 1998

Dear Harry,

Today we went to the beach—the three of us. Me, you, and Y/N. I know in most situations it’s you, Y/N, then me, but in these letters, it will always be me and you.

We’d been planning this trip for weeks. It’s a three-hour drive to the coast from school, and Y/N had been complaining about the journey the entire time. I didn’t mind. Is it wrong of me to want to sit next to you on a bus full of people not one of them knowing who we are for three whole hours? Our knees touching for three whole hours? Sand on your feet and your hair salty from the sea, inhaling your scent and wanting your hand to touch my thigh for three whole hours?

When we got there, the morning was overcast, but by the time we hit the sand, the sun broke through the clouds. It was perfect. The light caught your skin, making it glisten, and your eyes shone with that impossible sea-glass green. I wanted to look into them forever, but you were too busy looking at Y/N.

I tried to catch your attention—touching your shoulder as I passed by, reaching for the beach bag at the same time as you, brushing my fingers against yours. But it didn’t matter. You only had eyes for her, and I only had eyes for you.

When you kissed her in the gardens, a part of me died. I had been pining for you for so long, silently hoping you’d see me, but it was always her. I felt stupid, running miles afterward, the wind howling in my ears: You fool, you idiot, how could he ever love you?

I didn’t want to feel this way, Harry. I tried to bury it, to pretend it wasn’t real, but when I met you, everything I’d hidden about myself unraveled.

The day wasn’t without its drama. Y/N, distracted, stepped into the road thinking the approaching van was the bus. You moved so fast, grabbing her and pulling her back before the van could hit her. I watched the terror flash across your face, the way you held her afterward as she cried. You kissed her forehead, comforted her, showed her the kind of love I’d only ever dreamed of.

And I hated her for it.

I feel terrible admitting this because I do love Y/N. I truly do. But most days, I hate her, and only because she has you.

When we finally got to the beach, the three of us ran toward the waves, shedding our clothes as we went, laughing like we were carefree children. For a moment, we were. We left our troubles behind in the sand.

You swung Y/N over your shoulder as you splashed into the water, and I couldn’t help but admire the way your muscles flexed. You were a work of art, Harry, something meant to be admired in a gallery. And I was nothing more than an observer, longing for what I could never have.

Later, Y/N went to get ice cream. Before she left, she asked for your order, and I already knew what you’d say—mint chocolate chip. The way she looked surprised made me feel smug for a second, but that quickly disappeared when she said it was her favorite too.

While she was gone, I felt a cramp in my shoulder. “Let me,” you murmured, and before I could answer, your fingertips ghosted over my shoulder, pressing into the tight muscle.

I couldn’t breathe, Harry. You were so close, your breath warm against my neck. For a split second, I thought if I just turned my head, I could kiss you.

I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. Even if you do.

. . .

Now — 2000

Dylan and Harry were in their dorm room, preparing for the party. Harry stood in front of the mirror, anxiously gelling his hair back.

“I think I’m going to do it,” Harry said suddenly, turning to face Dylan. “I’m going to go all the way with Y/N.”

Dylan froze, his heart sinking. He lit a cigarette, trying to appear nonchalant as he perched on the windowsill. “Really? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” His voice betrayed him, tinged with irritation and jealousy.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m just saying, are you sure it’s the right time to sleep with her? After... what happened?”

Harry’s expression darkened. “Nothing happened. It was a mistake.”

“You keep saying that,” Dylan said, standing now, his voice rising. “Like you’re trying to gaslight me into thinking I imagined it. But I’ve imagined kissing you enough times to know what’s real and what’s not.”

Harry’s jaw tightened, his hands clenching. “I was drunk, and you took advantage of me.”

The words hit Dylan like a slap, but he forced himself to stay calm. “Don’t try that with me, Harry. It might work in your petty arguments with Y/N, but it won’t work on me. You’re the one twisting the truth to fit your narrative.”

“I don’t care what you think,” Harry snapped. “I only care about Y/N. And if you can’t handle that, maybe you need to step away—from both of us.”

“Step away?” Dylan said incredulously, his voice breaking. “You want me to walk away from the only two people who’ve ever cared about me? You want me to walk away from you?”

Harry hesitated, guilt flickering across his face. “You know how I feel about Y/N. I love her. I’m in love with her. Even if I felt something for you, it would never compare.”

“You’re lying,” Dylan whispered, his eyes glassy. “If you loved her so much, you wouldn’t have kissed me in the first place.”

“You don’t know anything!” Harry exploded, his voice shaking with fury. “Do you know what would happen if someone found out? What it would do to Y/N? To us? I felt nothing! It was a mistake!”

“Harry—”

“No,” Harry cut him off. “Whatever feelings you have, whatever intentions, you need to get over them.”

“That’s not as easy as you think—”

“You have to.” Harry’s voice was sharp, leaving no room for argument. Dylan stared at him, shattered, as Harry turned and stormed out.

He left Dylan standing there, broken, feeling like Harry had taken his very soul with him.

. . .

Then — 1999

Dear Harry,

We’ve been assigned as partners in media class, and now we have to make a music video. Naturally, you asked Y/N if she’d star in it. You told her she was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen and that she’d be perfect for it. She blushed, of course, and said yes. Then you kissed her—so long and so deeply that I had to look away.

I imagined myself in her place, wondering what it would be like to kiss you in public, to have the world see how much I adored you. If it were allowed, I don’t think I’d ever stop kissing you.

Today, we filmed the music video. You wanted it to feel like a coming-of-age story. I’d wanted something more abstract, but I agreed to your ideas, nodding eagerly at every suggestion, whether it was brilliant or terrible.

We filmed in the gardens—my least favorite place in the entire school. That’s where you kissed Y/N for the first time, and if I could erase that night from my memory, I would in a heartbeat.

The sun was shining as you whispered into Y/N’s ear while I set up the camera. I tried to block out the sound of your laughter, the sight of her hand on your shoulder.

“Are we ready?” I called, my voice louder than I intended. You straightened up immediately.

“Dylan, why don’t you be in the video with me?” Y/N smiled warmly. She had that rare ability to make everyone feel seen, like she was radiating sunshine. It was impossible not to smile back.

“My darling, you know I’m not nearly as perfect as you,” I teased, watching her blush.

I don’t even remember when I started calling her “my darling.” The first time, I remember catching the flash of jealousy in your eyes. I liked that. I liked seeing you react to me, even if it wasn’t in the way I wanted. You’re used to it now, but sometimes, when I say it, I still see a flicker of something in your gaze.

The music video took all day to shoot. Every time Y/N nailed a scene, you rewarded her with a kiss. I worked hard too, Harry. Shouldn’t I have been rewarded in some way?

When Y/N left for her library shift that evening, it was just the two of us. You wanted to capture the soft glow of the sunset, so we stayed behind to get more footage.

“My mother wants me to go into politics,” you said as we sat cross-legged on the grass, the camera between us. “But I’d love to do this—be a director. I’ve always wanted to be an artist of some kind. It’s a silly dream, but I think about it all the time.”

I could imagine it. You had a way of leading people, commanding attention without being arrogant. You cared so deeply—for the art, for the people—that it would probably destroy you someday.

“It’s not silly,” I said. “It’s never silly to dream. My God, Harry, we only live once. Might as well do everything we can to feel something in the little time we have.”

You looked at me then, really looked at me. For the first time, I thought you might be feeling a fraction of what I felt every day. “I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even Y/N knows.”

“It’ll be our secret,” I whispered. And for a moment, I could’ve sworn you glanced at my lips.

Then, just as quickly, you diverted the topic. Grabbing the camera, you aimed it at me lying in the grass. “Looks like Y/N’s not the only model anymore,” you teased.

I tried to act indifferent, but I would’ve stayed there all night if it meant seeing you laugh like that.

It makes me wonder, Harry—do you know how much power you have over your friends? Do you know that you have two people who worship the ground you walk on? How does it feel to be desired? How does it feel to have a choice in who you love?

. . .

Now — 2000

“You’re here!” Y/N beamed, running into Harry’s arms and wrapping her hands around his neck.

“Hey, baby,” he murmured, kissing her temple before setting her down.

The party was already in full swing. Students from across campus had crammed into Ellis’ dorm, the air thick with music, laughter, and the faint smell of alcohol.

“Hi, Dylan,” Y/N greeted, pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re dressed pretty smart. Planning on impressing anyone tonight?”

“Only you, darling,” Dylan replied, forcing a wink and a smirk despite the ache in his chest. Harry’s words from earlier still rang in his ears, but he pushed them aside.

Harry’s eyes darted to the cup in Y/N’s hand. “Have you been drinking?” he asked, his tone light but concerned.

“It’s water,” she whispered with a smile. Harry relaxed. She wasn’t much of a drinker, and he knew that.

“You look so pretty,” he said, marvelling at her dress. It was the one she wore for special occasions—one he had once told her was his favourite. A pang of guilt pricked at his heart as she looked back at him, her doe eyes filled with love.

“Come dance with me!” she said, pulling him toward the living room. “Both of you! My boys!”

Harry and Dylan followed her to the dance floor. The song Love My Way blared through the speakers, and Y/N moved between them, carefree and radiant.

At first, Harry danced with her, his focus entirely on Y/N. But then his gaze shifted to Dylan, who was swaying along with the music. Something unspoken passed between them, an invisible thread pulling them closer.

Harry laughed when Dylan moved towards him and for a moment they had forgotten everything around them. Dylan was just Dylan and Harry was just Harry, two boys who felt something they weren’t allowed to feel in the eyes of everyone else.

Harry was so close, their faces almost touching and for a moment Dylan thought they might kiss. But the blissful moment was broken as Harry stepped away, shaking his head, “N-No.” He whispered, “No, No, No.” He shook his head, his eyes frantic in search of Y/N.

“O-Oh, Harry,” Y/N yelped as he grabbed hold of her hand and lead her out of Ellis’ dorm and over to her own, three doors down from where the party was happening.

“What are you doing? Are you okay?” She cups his face in her hands and he exhales, trying to regain composure. This was the girl he loved, the only girl he could ever love and being in her hands felt like home. Didn’t it?

“Y-Y/N, I-I think I’m ready.” He presses his forehead against hers, kissing her bottom lip. “I’m ready.”

Her lips part in shock. She hadn’t been expecting this tonight and she wasn’t sure where Harry’s sudden desperation was coming from. He kissed down her neck as she tried to speak to him, “H-Harry, a-are you sure?” He nodded, his mouth leaving open mouthed kisses on her shoulder.

“I love you Y/N.” He looked into her eyes and she saw the sincerity behind them but also a hint of something else that she couldn’t quite place.

He started to peel her clothing off, his fingertips gently brushing against her soft skin. She tried to steady her breathing but her chest caved in and out as the oxygen in the room seemed to be escaping as he moved down her body. “Harry,” She whispered and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together.

Y/N was stripped down to her bra and underwear. This was the most skin she had revealed to anybody but she trusted Harry with everything in her, he was her best friend. He blew warm air over the thin material of her bra and her nipples hardened, an overwhelming sense of desire and lust flooding her insides. It was so new and overwhelming, her hands shaking as she ran her fingers through his hair and tugged on the roots.

“Baby,” He whispered, his hands cupping her thighs as he pressed kisses down her body.

“Harry, wait.” She murmured, his eyes looking up from where he was laying between her legs, “You’re still dressed.” She sat up and tugged on the hem of his sweater.

He laughed softly, as she struggled to pull the sweater over his head. She marvelled at the sound and kissed the tip of his nose. He pulled her onto his lap and she grinded her hips against his, “God look at you.” He whispered. “Don’t leave me Y/N. You can never leave me.”

“I’m never going to.” She said it like it was a promise.

His hands hooked the straps of her bra and he gently pulled them down, her breath hitching as the pad of his thumb brushed against the side of her breast. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in tightly, his face burying into the crook of her neck as he inhaled her.

This was going to be perfect, she thought, nothing could go wrong.

She grinded her hips against him again, a groan eliciting from his lip and a name escaping past the lips he had kissed her with so many times.

“Dylan.” Y/N froze. Her blood ran cold, and she pulled away as though Harry’s touch burned her.

“What did you say?” She pulled away, suddenly being naked in front of him didn’t feel right, being in a space alone with him didn’t feel right, everything she had ever felt for him before this moment didn’t feel right.

“Y/N,” He reached for her but she slipped away from him, slipped out of his touch, a touch she begged for just moments ago.

Harry’s heart no longer existed, wherever it was it had abandoned him and left him here in this terrible moment to fend for himself. He felt his eyes well up with tears as he watched Y/N try to pick up her discarded clothes. This wasn’t how it was meant to be, she was suppose to be picking up his clothes after a night making love to each other.

“Y-You said his name.” Y/N whimpered, she was panicking and Harry could do nothing but watch.

“Baby I-”

“NO.” She spat, “You don’t get to call me that. Not anymore.”

Harry watched as she turned around and clutched at her head, her knees buckling as she fell to the ground. She sobbed and sobbed, his hear wrenching at the sound of it. He had never heard a sound so painful in his life and he wanted to die in this very moment.

“No, No, No, No.” She sobbed, her shoulders shaking.

“Y/N please just let me explain.” Harry tried, crouching down in front of her and trying to place a hand on her now clothed shoulder.

“NO.” She pushed him away and leaped back, her back hitting the wall.

Harry was broken. He was truly broken. This was something well out of his reach in fixing and nothing he could do or say could make up for the fact that he had hurt the two people he loved and cherished the most in this world, in the span of one night.

“Get out of my room!” She began to scream, “Get out of here!”

A knock at the door shattered the silence.

“Hey, you guys in there?” Dylan’s voice called from the hallway.

Before Harry could respond, Y/N lunged for the door, anger blazing in her eyes.

“Get out of my room!” she screamed, her voice raw with betrayal.

Harry caught her before she reached Dylan, her fists pounding against his chest. “I’m broken,” she whimpered, her strength fading. “You broke me.”

And for the first time, Harry knew what it felt like to be utterly powerless.

. . .

Then — 2000

Dear Diary,

You know those secrets so big they feel like they could swallow you whole? The kind you promise never to tell a soul for as long as you live? At first, they consume you, taking over every thought and breath. But over time, they settle into the corners of your mind, a quiet part of you that only stirs when something triggers it.

Well, today I made one of those secrets.

It was a Tuesday, the day I volunteer in the library after school. There’s something peaceful about wandering the empty halls when no one else is around—a stark contrast to the chaos between periods. Mrs. Ableton asked me to deliver a stack of books to the English Literature cupboard. Our copies of The Catcher in the Rye were practically falling apart, so we’d ordered replacements.

As I walked through the hall, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye near the classroom where Harry and I have English together. Curious, I paused, almost dropping the books in my hands.

Harry was leaning against a desk, and Dylan stood in front of him. At first, I thought nothing of it and smiled, reaching for the door handle to make myself known. But then Dylan stepped closer, touched Harry’s hand, and kissed him.

I froze.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The same lips that had kissed mine were now kissing the lips of my best friend.

I wanted to cry, but I was too shocked to do anything but stand there, watching. A part of me hoped I was trapped in a nightmare—that I’d wake up, call Harry, and laugh about how silly it all was. But when Dylan pulled back, Harry grabbed his arm and kissed him again.

That time, I couldn’t watch.

I backed away, the tears finally falling. My mind raced as I searched for somewhere—anywhere—I could cry louder, scream even, because this wasn’t something I could cry about quietly.

Harry was mine. But he was also Dylan’s.

By the time I went to bed, I’d convinced myself I would confront them. I’d tell them I saw what happened and ask if we could move on, pretend it never happened. But as the hours stretched on, I realized I didn’t want to speak about it. Talking about it would mean reliving it, over and over.

I didn’t want to remember.

I just wanted Harry.

So, this is a secret I’ll take to my grave. I’ll never tell a soul I watched Harry kiss Dylan in a way he never kissed me.

Even if it breaks me.

. . .

Now — 2000

“What happened?” Dylan asked. They were back in his dorm now, Harry pacing the room like a caged animal.

“She knows,” Harry muttered, his fingers pulling at his hair—a habit whenever he was upset. “She knows about us, what we did.”

Dylan collapsed onto the bed, his face pale. “How?”

Harry stopped and turned to him, shame written all over his face. “I said your name.”

Dylan’s shoulders sagged, and he buried his face in his hands. Images of Y/N, broken and sobbing on her bedroom floor, flashed through his mind. She had begged them to fix her, but they were the ones who broke her.

“It’s fine,” Harry rambled, his voice shaking. “I-I’ll give her some time, however long she needs. Then I’ll explain. I’ll explain it was a misunderstanding.”

“Harry,” Dylan said gently, standing to take Harry’s hands in his own. “I don’t think there’s enough time in the world for Y/N to get over this.”

Harry’s breath hitched, and a sob escaped him as he crumpled into Dylan’s arms. Dylan ran his fingers through Harry’s hair, resting his cheek against Harry’s head. “It’s okay, love,” he whispered. “Everything will be alright.”

“I hurt her so bad, Dylan,” Harry cried. “I love her, and I hurt her.”

“She was always going to find out,” Dylan said softly, the truth cutting deeper than any lie.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” Harry whispered.

Dylan sighed. “Why do you always talk about how things are meant to be? You act like your life was mapped out before you left the womb. Was it ‘meant to be’ that the three of us became inseparable? That you fell in love with both of us because you care so deeply? That I fell in love with you because you see art in everything? None of this was ‘meant to be,’ Harry. It just happened. And now we deal with it.”

Harry pulled back, tears streaking his face. “You still love me? Even after I pushed you away?”

Dylan smiled sadly, wiping a tear from Harry’s cheek. “I love you despite everything.”

Harry’s lips ghosted over Dylan’s, and for a moment, it felt like all their pain had been lifted. “Dylan,” Harry whispered, his voice trembling as he said the name again and again, like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“You can say my name as much as you want, love,” Dylan murmured. “I’ll always be here.”

. . .

Three weeks passed and the friends were no longer talking to each other, instead they acted as though they didn’t know each other as they passed each other in the hallway.

Harry had to try and not flinch when he saw Y/N scurry pass him, her eyes red and bloodshot as Ellis comforted her, glaring at Harry as they did. He wanted to speak to her but he was never given the chance to, rightly so considering what he had done to her.

Dylan and Harry, mostly Harry, thought it would best to keep their distance for a while. It killed them both to not be around each other but for the sake of their friendship with Y/N, they shared small moments of brief eye contact and touches throughout the day. Neither of them knew what was to come for the both of them but this limbo was enough for now.

Dylan ate lunch alone and as he did, he listened to the conversations of everyone around him. He wondered what it felt like for them to go about their day feeling like they belong in their own skin and not feel ashamed over who they love. He had never felt so alienated and so out of touch with himself.

He had been given an after school detention for an hour with Mr Henley after calling him sexist in front of the class. No one was around when he left the classroom until he saw a group of girls walking across the field.

At the end of the line was Y/N, wearing her netball uniform.

She must have caught sight of him because the next thing he knew, she was walking up to him. He had to check behind him to see he was seeing correctly.

“Hi Dylan,” She keeps her distance for reasons unknown to him but being around her again made him relax, he missed the friendship he shared right at the very beginning when they were thirteen and picking each other up from class to go to the sweet shop after school.

“Hey Y/N.” He offers her a smile.

“How are you doing?” He didn’t miss the way she gripped her bag like she was trying to stop herself from saying anything she really wanted to.

“I feel like I should be asking you that.” Y/N huffs, “I’ve had better days.” “Y/N-”

“Just tell me this,” She starts, “H-How long?”

Dylan decided he would be as honest and as straight to the point as he could be, it was what she deserved at least.

“Y/N the only thing we did was kiss one time. Harry stopped it because he’s in love with you.”

“And you’re in love with him.”

“Y-Yes.”

Y/N laughs incredulously, “We could never just be three best friends could we? It was always going to be complicated.”

“We could still be best friends Y/N.”

“But it’s not the same now is it?” She bit back and Dylan realised he needed to be careful with what he said. “Is he sad?”

“Terribly. Sometimes I hear him crying in his room at night.”

A silence fell between them which was strange. Y/N and Dylan has always had a brother-sister relationship, Dylan was always one to tease Y/N and make her laugh but right now it seemed all he was doing was making her upset.

“I’m moving schools.” Y/N confessed, “At the end of the term, I’m moving to Bridgewater. Mum’s moving in with her fiancee, and she wants me to be closer.”

“When were you going to tell us?” Dylan was shocked.

“I was given the choice. I could stay here or move to another school but if I stayed I’d have to stay at my dad’s during the holidays and I’m not in the mood to be lectured during my time away from school.”

Dylan didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t fathom the three of them not being together for such a long period of time. “I know what you’re thinking. I know I need to tell him but if we are going to have a shot at being friends again, I need to be away from you both.”

“Y/N,” Dylan shakes his head, “It doesn’t have to be like this,”

“You know I saw you when you kissed each other in the English Literature classroom?” She confessed, Dylan’s lips parting. “He kissed you in a way that he never kissed me. Everytime we kissed afterwards all I could think about was how different it was, how I desperately wanted him to kiss me the way I had seen him kiss you. I used to write in my diary about how I would die if I didn’t have him near me. I thought he would be the end of me but I didn’t realise you would be too.”

“I know he loves you Dylan and... I’m happy for you but I’m not selfless enough to stand beside you both and watch you fall in love when I so desperately love him too.”

“Y/N,” Dylan reaches out for her hand and takes it, “I’m sorry.” “I know Dylan, I know.”

. . .

Now — 2000

Harry’s leg wouldn’t stop jittering as he sat outside the school library on a Tuesday evening. He’d been waiting for this moment for weeks, replaying it over and over in his mind. He had spent countless hours rehearsing his apology to Y/N until it became a permanent loop in his thoughts.

When the library door swung open, he shot up immediately, brushing down his school trousers and running a hand through his hair. Y/N stepped out, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and her backpack slung over her shoulder.

She looked better than she had in weeks, and Harry’s heart ached at the sight of her. He would have carried her bag for her if they were still together.

Her expression changed when she saw him, her voice barely above a whisper. “H-Harry.”

“I came,” he said quickly, the words tumbling out. “I-I couldn’t believe it when I got your text. I’d have waited here for hours if you hadn’t shown up.”

Her face softened briefly, but she walked past him. “Follow me,” she said simply.

He trailed behind her as she led him to the gardens—the place where they’d shared their first kiss and filmed the music video for his and Dylan’s project. It was a space filled with memories of the three of them: Y/N doing homework, Dylan reading, and Harry strumming his guitar.

They sat down on the swinging bench, a familiar seat now heavy with unspoken tension. Harry noticed she kept her distance, and though every fiber of his being wanted to pull her close, he knew it wasn’t the right time.

“Who gave you those?” Harry finally asked, nodding at the flowers in her hand. A flicker of hope crossed his face.

“Debbie,” she said, referring to the school librarian. “It’s my last day working at the library.”

“You quit?” Harry frowned, his gaze flicking from the flowers to her face.

Y/N inhaled deeply before speaking. “I’m leaving, Harry.”

The wind seemed to leave him. “N-No,” he stammered, shaking his head. “You—you can’t. You can’t just leave. I won’t let you—”

“Harry,” she interrupted, reaching for his hand and holding it gently in her lap. “It’s what’s best.”

“How can you say that?” he asked, trying to pull his hand away, though her warmth made it impossible. “How can you say it’s what’s best? The three of us—we’re supposed to be together.”

“It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked at him. He looked thinner, more tired than she’d ever seen him, but she couldn’t help him—not anymore.

“Y/N, the thing with Dylan...” Harry began, his voice cracking. “I-I never meant for it to happen. We were just alone, I was stressed, and my emotions got the better of me. But I don’t feel the same way about him as I do about you.”

She shook her head softly. “Maybe that’s true, but not in the way you think. Dylan has always been there for you, Harry, in ways I never could. The way you look at him... it’s like he hung the stars in the sky just for you, like he tilted the sun so it would never blind you but still brighten your world.

“Maybe you do love me,” she continued, her voice trembling, “but love isn’t just about taking care of someone. It’s not carrying my backpack because it’s too heavy or doing my homework when I’m too tired after netball. Love is about being vulnerable. It’s about being taken care of, about laughing and crying and feeling like your heart is burning, and nothing can put it out.

“Now tell me, Harry. Did you ever feel that way with me? Were you ever vulnerable with me?”

Harry’s heart cracked. He opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t find the words.

“Please, Y/N,” he whimpered, his voice breaking. “I can’t be without you.”

“You have Dylan,” she said, trying to be the bigger person even though it shattered her inside. “It was never going to be me, Harry. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for him?”

Harry looked down at the ground, his silence all the confirmation she needed.

Her heart broke all over again, but she forced herself to stay strong. “Why do you have to go?” he asked, tears streaming down his face.

“Because, Harry,” she said gently, “what good would it do for the three of us if I stayed? You need to find out who you are, and so do I. Before me, it was you and Dylan. Now, it will end that way - with you and Dylan.”

“And what about you?” he asked desperately. “What will you do? Where will you go?”

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “But I’m grateful for what I’ve had. You and Dylan will always be a part of me. I hope one day we’ll forget this pain, and everything will be okay again.”

She reached out, brushing his hair back the way she used to. “I love you, Harry. I love you so much, I feel like I could burst.”

“I love you too,” he murmured. For the first time, he meant it in a way that felt true—not as a lover, but as a best friend.

“Be brave,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And tell him you love him.”

Harry nodded as the tears fell freely, clinging to her like a child who didn’t want to let go.

She was going to love him forever. She now knew he wouldn’t.

. . .

“She’s gone,” Dylan said softly from the doorway of Harry’s bedroom.

Harry sat at his desk, a pen still in his hand though it hovered, unmoving, above the page. “Was she alright?” he murmured.

“She was better than we probably thought,” Dylan admitted, realizing how much they’d underestimated Y/N’s strength. They’d always thought it was their job to protect her, but she’d always been stronger than the two of them combined.

“Right,” Harry muttered, his voice hollow.

Dylan moved to sit on the bed, the springs creaking under his weight. “I was thinking we could have the leftover soup for dinner instead of going to the dining hall.”

“I’m not hungry,” Harry replied—a rare admission from someone who was always hungry.

Dylan frowned. “How long are you going to wallow in this? Can’t you see we’re both trying to do the right thing for your benefit?”

Harry turned to him, anger flashing in his eyes. “And what exactly are you doing?”

“I’ve been keeping my distance,” Dylan snapped. “Acting like we’re strangers when we’re the complete opposite. Do you know how much it kills me to not be near you? To have to hide from myself?”

Harry stood abruptly. “And you think I’m not struggling? You think I haven’t been grappling with everything I feel?”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit!” Dylan shouted, standing to meet Harry’s gaze. “You had someone who loved you for two whole years. You have everything, Harry—loving parents, the best grades, popularity. And you act like it’s all been taken from you because I kissed you!”

“Y/N is gone because of us!” Harry yelled back.

“No,” Dylan said fiercely, his voice rising. “She’s gone because of you! Because you’re too afraid to be honest about who you are! Because you care too much about what everyone else thinks. That’s why she’s gone!”

Their faces were inches apart, their anger radiating in the small space between them.

“How dare you? Can’t you see this is difficult for me to accept?” Harry shouted, his voice trembling with anger and frustration.

“What is?” Dylan snapped back, stepping closer. “What is so difficult, Harry? What’s so hard that you have to sit in the dark and ignore the only two people who’ve ever truly cared about you? Huh? What is it? Tell me. TELL ME.”

“I am in love with you!” Harry yelled, the words ripping out of him like they had been clawing to escape for years. “I am a fool, and I am in love with you.”

Dylan froze, stunned. His breath caught in his throat as the weight of Harry’s confession settled over him. The words he had dreamed of hearing for years hung in the air between them, impossible to ignore.

“What?” Dylan managed, his voice barely a whisper.

“I have loved you since the moment I met you,” Harry said, his voice softer now but no less raw. “And it’s been killing me every day since. I think of you—daily, nightly, every moment in between—and it tears me apart. Kissing you was the bravest thing I’ve ever done, and denying it afterward made me a coward. But here I am now, standing in front of you, a man stupidly, hopelessly in love with his best friend.”

Harry’s eyes were red and glassy, the weight of years of unspoken emotion etched into his every feature.

Dylan stared at him, speechless. He had imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was real, the depth of Harry’s vulnerability left him breathless.

“Kiss me,” Dylan whispered, his voice breaking. “Kiss me.”

Harry didn’t hesitate. He stepped forward, cupping Dylan’s face in his hands as though it had been crafted to fit perfectly in his palms. Then he kissed him—fervent and unrestrained, pouring every ounce of his love and longing into that singular moment.

Dylan’s world ignited. A piece of him that had been dormant for years finally came alive. His heart and mind, long at odds, now burned in harmony as Harry’s lips moved against his. He felt consumed, but in the most beautiful way, as if he could lose himself in Harry forever and never once regret it.

“I love you too, Harry,” Dylan whispered when they finally parted, their foreheads resting together.

“I bloody well hope so,” Harry murmured, a small laugh escaping his lips as tears spilled down his cheeks.

. . .

Now

Dear Harry,

I’d like to tell you a story that will more than likely make you happy.

One day, I was sat in a café, only a twenty-minute walk away from Southend Park School, which is closed down now and turned into a factory to fix airplanes. I bought my usual order of a decaf cappuccino and a slice of toffee apple cake. On this particular day, they added more sugar to my cappuccino, so I knew it would be a good day.

Across from me, a woman sat, her dog lying down at her feet as she read The Catcher in the Rye whilst sipping on a fruit tea. I didn’t think much of it, but I found it interesting the way she would read something and then shakily jot something down in the little notebook on the table.

Anyway, I had originally come to the café so I could write about our trip to Brighton. You were still complaining about the sand in your clothes just last night despite the fact that Brighton has no sand.

“It’s alright, love,” I comforted you, helping you put your pyjamas on.

“It bothers me, Dylan.” You responded, coughing into your handkerchief.

We don’t leave our small bungalow very often because you don’t like to leave the dogs and I don’t like change, but this trip to Brighton was one we had been planning for a year or so, so we didn’t really have much choice in the matter.

We spent a lot of time sat on the beach in the evenings whilst we were there, a blanket wrapped around the both of us as we fed the seagulls. I remember you saying you liked the sound of the ocean because it made you feel like we were seventeen again, running into the ocean without a care in the world.

You then proceeded to mention how worried you are about our Y/N, “I hope she’s doing alright, our Y/N.” You said and then went back to talking about a programme you watched the night before.

You had always worried about Y/N in the years after she left, always asking where she was or what she was up to despite the fact we never got in contact with her again. I also wonder whether or not she is okay, and I knew that if I were to see her again, I would thank her for allowing us the space to fall in love.

It was awfully difficult those months after we kissed in your bedroom. We were constantly berated by people we had never spoken to before, and I knew it bothered you for a while, but we overcame it just like we did every other obstacle in our lives... together.

Anyway, as I continued to write about our trip, the door to the café opened again and three middle-aged people walked over to the elderly lady in the corner. “Come on Mum, we’ve got to say goodbye to Dad now,” the man spoke to her, and she swatted him away. Something about that small action gave me a strong sense of déjà vu.

“Give me a moment,” the woman responded, and the three children sat at the table in the chairs around her.

Eventually, they managed to get her standing up. One of them placed her coat around her shoulders, and another handed her her walking stick. When she turned to look at me, I saw a familiar set of eyes looking straight at me.

The three people aiding her walked to the door and held it open for her. As she was about to step out the door, her walking stick fell out of her shaky hands and right at my feet. I quickly picked it up and handed it to her, her face brightening at the sight of me.

“Thank you.” Her voice still sounded the same all that time ago.

“No... Thank you, my darling.”

[steddielations]

Steve walks into utter chaos.

He was stopping by just to see Max, but all the increasingly concerning noise coming from the Munson’s trailer drew him over there instead. Worried that all the cursing and clattering would drown out any chance of a knock being heard, Steve lets himself in. 

Eddie doesn’t even notice him come inside, too busy scrambling around the complete wreck of a kitchen.

“Dude, are you cooking or just banging pots and pans together? I thought you were dying in here.”

Eddie squawks and jumps about a foot in the air. His hair is even more disheveled than usual, barely tied down with a bandana. He’s got flour splotches on his face and all over the frilly grandma apron he’s wearing (which Steve is definitely getting a photo of and showing Dustin later) along with a suspiciously sticky goo on his fingers.

“Stop laughing at me,” Eddie groans. 

“I’m not laughing,” Steve laughs, going to join him in the kitchen, “What are you doing, man?” 

“Well, I’m trying to bake Wayne a cake, but at this point, I might as well give him a frosting covered rock for his birthday,” Eddie sighs, frustrated hands scrubbing the flour off his apron, “I don’t know, man, usually I just get him another mug and a pack of smokes, and he’s never asked me for anything, but I’ve put him through hell this year I just wanted— I don’t know like, to do something special but I can’t even—”

“Alright, take it off.”

Steve folds his arms and waits while Eddie just gawks at him for a moment, cheeks reddening under the patches of flour.

“What?”

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

Eddie scoffs, starts muttering like he does when he’s nervous and Steve cracks a smile when he realizes why.

“The apron, Eddie,” he gestures, “Hand it over.” 

Another moment of confused staring and Eddie slowly gives it to him.

Steve wastes no time shaking out the flour and tying it around himself. He moves past Eddie, gets right to work clearing the mess and salvaging what ingredients he can.

“You…” Eddie peeks over Steve’s shoulder, “You know how to bake?”

“I can make a cake,” Steve shrugs, “Robin obsesses over shit sometimes, calls them her “little brain worms” or whatever. She couldn’t stop thinking about this cake she swore she had for her 5th birthday but couldn’t remember the flavor. So we made every cake recipe in her mom’s cookbook until we found the right one.”

“So Harrington’s got a secret Betty Crocker power-up, impressive.”

“Nah, just small stuff. I help Claudia with Dustin’s birthday cakes. Little shit is very particular about his red velvet.” 

Eddie snorts and Steve waves him over to start washing the dishes. He does so with a small salute that smears more flour on his forehead. The word cute comes to Steve’s mind but he just rolls his eyes. 

“So you dusted off your oven mitts for little old me, hm? I’m flattered.”

“Only because I like Wayne and I’d prefer if you didn’t give him food poisoning,” Steve teases, dumping out Eddie’s abomination of batter into the trash. Though he softens when he sees the way Eddie winces at it. “And I think it’s nice, you know, you doing this for him. I wanna help.”

Eddie clearly holds back a smile, looking down at the bubbles in the sink, and the cute word comes back to Steve’s mind.

“Okay well, take it easy on me. Not everyone has a bunch of mom friends teaching them to bake.” 

“Oh yeah, then where’d you get this grandma apron? You just had this little number in the closet with your leather and chains?”

“No, it’s Mrs. Bennet’s and she’s not my friend,” Eddie bristles and Steve senses a hell of a backstory there, “I stole it off her clothesline.” 

Steve laughs and makes Eddie tell him the whole story, all the inner workings of Forest Hills feuds. It’s nice, Steve’s been spending more time here since everything, listening to Eddie’s stories and sharing his own. It’s easy to be around Eddie, even though that pesky word won’t get out of Steve’s head.

Once the batter is finished, Steve dips a finger in to test.

“How does it taste?” Eddie asks, “Better than mine I hope.”

Steve hums around his finger, “So good, here taste,” he meant to slide Eddie the bowl, but the wires must’ve gotten crossed somewhere, because now he’s holding out a dollop of cake batter on the tip of his finger to Eddie’s mouth. 

They both look down at it, then at each other again. Steve knows he should apologize, drop his hand and say it was a mistake but there’s something about the way Eddie’s looking at him, the way he subtly licks his lips is almost like— He wants this. 

So Steve lets him have it.

Eddie leans in, keeps his hands at his sides and slowly guides himself down on Steve’s finger. His eyes fall shut as his mouth closes around it, like it’s too much, watching Steve watching him. It’s a lot for Steve too, the wet warmth of Eddie’s mouth, one swirl of his tongue almost makes Steve’s knees buckle. 

Something comes over him, he presses his finger down just slightly, feeling Eddie’s tongue curl around the tip. It elicits a soft noise from Eddie that sends heat thrumming all through Steve. Eddie’s eyes flutter open, brows turned upwards and mouth in a plush little O around Steve’s finger, looking up at him through dark lashes, a dot of flour on his nose. The sight makes Steve’s breath catch in his throat. It’s fucking cute and hot.

Steve has to swallow his own noise when Eddie pulls off. 

“Yeah,” he breathes out, a slight grin on his lips, “Really good.” 

Steve’s about to do something crazy, put his finger back in Eddie’s mouth, maybe more than one this time, or just his lips on Eddie's, maybe even slip his tongue inside instead of his fingers, lick all that sweetness away until he just tastes Eddie, something— but a sudden loud knock on the door has him dropping his hand like it’s made of cement.

It’s Max, wanting to know why Steve ditched her for Eddie. She comes inside to ‘help’ which means she leans against the counter, talks about her day, complains, teases Steve and makes fun of Eddie for being demoted to dish duty. 

Steve puts the cake in the oven and focuses on cleaning and composing himself. He can feel Eddie trying to meet his gaze, trying to see if Steve's going to freak out on him after that. Once Steve can look at him without feeling like he’s going to burst into flames, he gives Eddie a small reassuring smile, even throws him a wink when Max isn’t looking. Eddie gives him a smile back.

And later, after Wayne comes home and they sing happy birthday and eat the cake that Steve insists Eddie helped him with— Just the tasting part, Steve says and revels in how Eddie covers a blush with his hair— and after they walk Max home, Steve pulls Eddie behind the trailer and kisses him until he doesn’t taste like cake anymore.

for the prompts "You heard me. Take. It. Off." and "Stop laughing at me" for @highkingpenny and anon, thank you and I hope you enjoy this!!

[togrowoldinv]

To Show Thanks

Milf!Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Wanda does all of the cooking for Thanksgiving and you help her see just how thankful you are for her

Warnings: Smut! 18+ please! Kissing, bathtub sex (W receiving), soft sex

Note: The most wonderful time of year indeed. Enjoy the milf!

Wanda Maximoff Masterlist, Main Masterlist

The house smells of turkey and the holiday season as Wanda stands by the stove. She’s been cooking since the crack of dawn, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

You’ve helped with a few things, but mostly it’s been Wanda who is putting in the work. The twins run around the house and play as they wait for the company to arrive.

“No! I’m running out of time!” Wanda’s voice breaks you from your thoughts.

“It’s only 5, baby. You still have about an hour until the guests arrive,” you say.

“That’s not long enough,” she says, a sigh falling from her perfect lips. They form into a pout as she observes the work she has ahead of her.

“Well, you could use your magic,” you say.

Wanda smiles but shakes her head.

“No magic today. Just me,” she says.

“You are magic no matter what, my love,” you tell her.

You stand up from your chair and hug Wanda from behind. She sinks into your touch. Dropping a kiss to her cheek, you make her feel relaxed even if for just a moment.

“Tell you what,” you begin. “I’ll get the rowdy boys to set the table and I’ll help you do anything you need. We can do this.”

“We can do this,” Wanda repeats though she’s not sure she believes it.

You kiss her cheek once more for good measure and then you go find the boys. They’re in their room playing Mario Kart.

“Hey guys,” you say. “How about we pause the game and go help Mom get ready for the guests?”

“Okay!” Billy answers easily. He’d do anything for his mom.

“Can we finish this level?” Tommy asks.

“Later, buddy,” you say.

“Okay,” he says, a slight sigh in his voice. He pouts like Wanda does.

“I have a super secret task for the two of you,” you tell them before you leave the bedroom.

“What is it?” Tommy asks.

“Today is Thanksgiving, which means that you tell people that you’re thankful for them. I got your mom a card and I was thinking you two could write a sweet note in it for her. What do you think?”

“Yes!” They both agree. Anything for Wanda.

You smile and lead them to the home office where they work on the card. You leave them to go back and help Wanda. Once they’re done, they come downstairs and set the table.

Wanda was right about timing being close, but you manage to have everything cooked and ready to serve at exactly 6 o’clock.

“We did it!” Wanda says excitedly.

“You did it, babe. All you,” you say.

Wanda smiles softly and places a soft kiss to your lips. The boys feign disgust. Soon, the doorbell rings.

She answers the door and lets guests inside one by one. Steve is first with Natasha, Maria, Tony, Sam, and Bucky not far behind. You remember meeting them all at the boys birthday party, but it’s so nice to see them again.

Everyone gathers around the table and begins to eat Wanda’s wonderful food.

“This is amazing, Wanda,” Steve compliments.

“Yeah, great job, Wanda. Reminds me of home,” Sam says.

Wanda smiles shyly and tries to share the credit.

“No, this is all her. I can cook, but not like this. She’s like professional level good,” you say. Everyone nods in agreement.

“So, how’s everything going?” Maria asks Wanda.

You know what she’s referring to. After Wanda and Vision split up, the woman has gone through a hard time with the divorce and now child custody hearings. You’ve been the bright spot in all of it.

“It’s good,” Wanda says. “I didn’t know going to court would be so expensive but it’s almost over.”

“I’d sue his ass for what he’s put you through,” Natasha jumps in. Maria nudges her shoulder but she only shrugs.

You shoot her a smile and she returns a smirk.

“How about we just talk about what we’re thankful for?” Steve, ever the peacemaker, tries to change the subject.

“Great idea,” you agree. “I’ll go first. I’m thankful for Wanda and her wonderful children and friends.”

Wanda smiles and kisses your cheek at your words. You hold her hand under the table. You’ve become her everything over these last few months.

Wanda speaks next. “I’m thankful for friends who have become family, for my precious babies, and for y/n who is truly my best friend.”

Everyone goes around and continues to share what they’re thankful for. Love and laughter fills the air as the hours pass by. After dessert and socializing, the guests go home.

Wanda is in the kitchen running a sink of dishes when you stop her.

“Come with me,” you say, pulling her softly.

“But the dishes, baby. They won’t do themselves,” she tries.

You keep walking and lead Wanda to the living room. The boys are there with Wanda’s card in hand.

“We got you this, Mommy,” Billy says, handing her the card.

“Oh, thank you, baby,” Wanda says. She sits between the two boys. She opens the card and tears fill her eyes.

“We all signed it to say we’re thankful for you,” Tommy explains.

“Wow,” Wanda says softly. “This is so sweet. I’m so thankful for you guys too.”

Wanda kisses them both on the forehead as they lean into her. She reaches out to you too and you join the snuggle pile.

“Can we finish our level before bedtime?” Tommy asks after a moment.

“Yeah go ahead boys. Mom and I will be up to tuck you in soon,” you tell them. They hug you both before running up the stairs.

Wanda tries to get up but you pull her gently back onto the couch. She lands on your lap and you grin at her.

“Thank you for the card,” Wanda says.

“That was from the boys,” you say.

“Mhm. I know you were the mastermind,” she says. “I should really clean up dinner.”

“Nope.”

“What do you mean nope?” Wanda asks.

“You, my dear, did all the cooking so I will do all of the cleaning,” you say. “I’ll pour you some wine and you just get to relax, okay?”

You don’t give her a chance to say no. Instead, you kiss her and get up to start cleaning. Wanda sits at the counter and watches you. After a bit, you tuck the boys into bed and finish up cleaning.

“How about a bath?” You ask Wanda, leaning over the counter in a way you know draws her eyes to your chest.

“Only if you’ll join me,” she replies, pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Yes please,” you say.

You go to the bathroom together and run the water. Wanda slips off her clothes first and slides into the warm water. You join her and settle in behind her.

She rests her head on your shoulder as you softly run your hands over her body.

“Thank you for today,” Wanda says.

“You did the hard part.”

“No, I mean- you didn’t have to clean up or give me a card or anything,” Wanda explains.

“Oh,” you say. “I just thought you’d like it.”

“I did. I loved it,” Wanda rushes to say. “It’s just- no one’s ever done that for me before. It’s new.”

“You deserve it, Wands. Everything doesn’t have to fall on you. And you deserve to hear how thankful we all are for you,” you say.

“Hmm,” Wanda hums. She turns her head to look into your eyes. “I really love you.”

“I really love you too, Wanda Maximoff.”

She leans up and kisses you. You deepen the kiss and let your hand slip between her legs. Wanda gasps at the feeling.

“Just relax, baby. I’ll take care of you,” you say.

She lets herself relax against you as you move your fingers through her folds. Wanda lets out the sweetest sounds with every stroke. You slip fully into her easily and make quick work of getting her to her high.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Let go,” you say softly as she comes against your fingers.

Wanda’s eyes remain closed in pleasure as you simply hold her against you. She stays there until the water gets too cold and you have to get out.

You get dressed in warm pajamas and snuggle into bed next to each other. Wanda clings to you.

“I’m so thankful for you,” Wanda says as her eyes droop closed from exhaustion and relaxation.

“I’m thankful for you too, Wanda. I always will be,” you tell her.

With one more shared kiss, you two fall into a deep slumber that lasts until morning.

Wanda has never been so happy and that’s all thanks to you.

[humanitys-strongest-brat]

Shoelaces

Summary: After three weeks apart, Hange plans a get together with the gang.

Pairing: LevixFem!reader

CW: This one shot heavily revolves around the use of alcohol. mentions of smoking and related language. 18+ MDNI.

wc: 3.5k

a/n: First, I'd like to thank @tobbi-loves-levi She has been here to hold my hand through all the sweat and tears of writing my first Levi fic, I truly cannot express how much I appreciate the help and advice I was given. If you do like this, please send some love her way. This cute lil fic is loosely based off of this song, and the scenes were living in my head rent free for weeks prior to writing it, enjoy~

“Took you long enough.” Erwin teases as you hop into the passenger seat, He texted you fifteen minutes ago letting you know he was out front waiting for you. 

“Don't be dramatic, it was only ten minutes.” you huff, pulling the seat belt over your chest and clicking it into place. Erwin gave you a once over, his gaze halting before turning back and shifting the car into drive. 

“You did your hair for this?” he comments, raising an eyebrow. Doing your hair was a generous observation on his part, you just spent extra time on it for tonight. 

“Yeah, and what's that look for? We haven't been able to get together like this in so long, so I wanted to look a little nice.” It's been three weeks since the five of you could all hang out together. Miche got a new job and Hange had a change in shifts, making it nearly impossible to do something collectively. It just so happens that everyone has the day off tomorrow, so Hange suggested getting together to drink and catch up.

 “It's just us, you never cared like that before. Besides, if this is like any other time your hair’s gonna look like shit by the end of the night anyways. Like that time Miche set your hair on fire lighting that cig for you.” He laughs. You cringe and brush your fingers through your hair in the same area that was singed short, only just recently were you able to make it look like it blends in with the rest of your hair. “Or, that time Hange-” Erwin starts but you quickly interrupt. 

“Okay! I get it, I'm accident prone.” you mumble, giving him a playful glare. “Both of those are better than the time me and Levi had to drag you out to the car which, by the way, wasn't fun.” you smirk, watching his dumbfounded expression illuminate under each street light you pass under

 “Like that compares at all, it was one time, and my birthday” Erwin retorts and gives you a gentle nudge. You shrug in response, looking out the window to see you're already turning down the street that leads to the house that Levi, Hange, and Miche share. “We’re late again, you know how much shit we’re going to get?” 

 ***

“Finally!” Hange raves when you walk in with Erwin. You make your way in and take your bottle of contribution to the cooler that was already set up in the living room, stuffing it in and shutting the lid. Almost instantly after, you were met with a fierce hug from Hange. “Late, as always. What was the hold up? Anything interesting?” They beamed, their eyes gesturing hopefully towards Ewrin. You parted from Hange’s hug, shaking your head at their silent accusation. This wasn’t new for the two of you. For as long as you could remember, you both have been teased about your friendship. Everyone constantly begged for you two to finally get together. Erwin is your best friend, and has been for years. The thought has never crossed your mind. The only person who understands that is Levi, he's the only one who never pokes and prods for something more. 

“Thought I heard the lovebirds were finally here.” Miche announced as he emerged from his bedroom. He makes his way into the living room and grabs two beers out of the cooler and tosses one to Erwin as he walks past him. “Catch up” Miche enthusiastically demands, cracking the tab on his can and raising it up to Erwin in a faux cheers. 

“You guys really started without us?” Erwin groans followed by the sharp hiss and snap of his own can. 

“What, were we supposed to wait for the two of you to stop sucking face in the car?” Miche laughs and gestures to you and Erwin both. Erwin rolls his eyes but just as he was about to respond the whole room collectively flinched at the sudden piercing interruption of music that gradually dimmed down to an appropriate volume. All eyes fall on Levi who’s standing in front of the speaker with his phone in his hand. 

“Cleaning playlist, forgot to turn it down earlier.” He explains candidly and takes a swig from the cup in his opposite hand, seemingly unapologetic for the disturbance. 

“Jesus, Levi. When did you get out here?” Miche groans, rubbing his ear melodramatically. Levi ignores him, instead he turns to face the group. “Didn't realize this party was about celebrating Erwin sucking face. I would have stayed in my room had I known.”

 “No one’s staying in their room!” Hange chimes as they make their way to Levi “it’s been three weeks, we should do something fun!” they place their hands on Levi’s shoulders and grin “like a drinking game.” they suggest, approval spreads across the room. 

“Pass.” Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes like he was above the activity. “Looks like you're outvoted.” Hange sings, squeezing Levi’s shoulders and quickly moving to drag the coffee table away from the couch for everyone to sit around. Miche was already on his way in with the bottle and a shot glass.

“Fine. I’ll play but I'm not sharing that shot glass with any of you, I’ll get my own.” he sighs, heading straight for the kitchen. Hange cheers and grabs chasers out of the cooler, lining them around the circular table as everyone settles into their chosen spots. Levi returned shortly after with his own shot glass, you notice a clean rag hanging out of his pocket as he sits in the space left open for him. Miche chooses the game for the group, the rules are simple and easy to follow. It doesn't take long, just a few rounds in and everyone around the table seems to have a pink flush across their cheeks, slurring their words, and laughs at anything anyone says.

***

“Damn!” Hange rasps out with a cough, slamming the shot glass back down onto the table. At this point in the game Hange was doing horribly, the last 3 rounds of the game they were the one to take the losing shot. They pick up the bottle and shakily attempt to fill the glass up for the next victim. Liquid splashes around the glass as they miss a couple times. 

“Okay,” Erwin says and takes the bottle from them “I’ll fill them from now on.” He adds. “it’d be nice if someone else could start taking the shots!” Hange complained, folding their arms over their chest. 

“That’s entirely on you, Hange.” Erwin pointed out as he finished pouring for them. His hand was stable despite being just as drunk as anyone else at the table, he was always the one who handled the liquor best. 

“Stop losing and you won’t have to take any more.” You laugh and watch Levi lean forward, pick up the glass, and quickly wipe underneath with the rag he’d brought to the circle. Even tipsy he was concerned about keeping things at least a little clean. 

 The next round, Hange takes the losing shot again. “of course!” They spout, taking the bottle from Erwin’s side, forgetting that he was in charge of filling the glass after each shot. Before he could register that Hange had taken the bottle, they were attempting to fill the glass again. With shaky hands Hange tips the bottle too far, causing the rim of the bottle to clash with the shot glass, tipping it over. The jolt alone was enough to cause them to drop the bottle as well. You watch as it rolls off the table, its contents spilling out. 

“Come on, Hange.” Levi groans as he lunges forward. He fails to catch the bottle, forced to watch it spill out and seep into the rug. “Games over.” He announces, immediately going back in with the rag. Levi sets the bottle back upright on the table and Miche gathers up the remnants of their game, wiping the liquor off the cards as he organizes everything back into the box. 

You thread your fingers between Hange’s after they stand up. “Kitchen, Hange.” You sang, guiding them out of the living room. Despite their protests, you decided you both need a water break. You let go of Hange’s hand, and they lean against the counter to the right of the fridge. You grab two glasses from the overhead cabinets and pull the ice tray out of the freezer. “Sooo,” Hange coos as you as you cracked the tray, haphazardly dropping ice into both cups. 

“Yesss,” you mimic back in the same tone, opening the fridge. 

Hange pushes off the counter and leans over the open door “Erwin looks cute tonight, huh?” They try, grinning. 

“Not this again,” you laugh at them and set the first filled cup on the counter behind you. 

“Give me a break!” Hange groans, dropping their head onto their forearms. “You always avoid talking about it, when will you guys give up the act?” You look towards them and your attention is immediately drawn to Levi, who is discarding an arms worth of cans onto the counter. He kneels down in front of the sink and starts digging through the cabinets underneath. 

“It’s not like that, and it never has been.” 

“bullshit, there’s got to be a reason you haven’t just gone for it yet. We can all see how it is between you two” they pried for more. 

“And you’re all wrong” you say as you set the second cup down next to the first. 

“Then what is it? You still have that thing for Levi?” They joke. Your eyes immediately flicker back to Levi, he’s frozen, still knelt down at the sink. You swear you can feel all the color drain from your face. Hange has already started mumbling about a new topic you couldn’t focus on. 

“Hey, four eyes.” Levi stands up from his position, peeling out the trash bag he was digging for. “Keep me out of your fantasies and come help me with your mess” he says, his tone was flat, as usual. He turns away without looking at either of you and walks out of the kitchen. 

“Shit, he heard that?” Hange asks, looking back at you. It's obvious by their face how embarrassed you must look because Hange immediately starts assuring you that it’s fine. 

You walk back out to the living room with Hange, still fighting off the embarrassment from the kitchen. You watch as Hange picks up the various chasers that were still left over from the game. When you turn your attention to Levi your face burns, you wonder if that made everything weird now. “You good? You look like you could use one of these.” Erwin interrupts your thoughts, handing you a new can. You accept and pop the tab.

“You have no idea.” You confirm, taking a drink.  

“What a mess.” He comments and shakes his head, watching as Hange and Levi clean. Just as you open your mouth to reply, Miche caught your attention as he made his way across the living room, careful to walk around the chaos that Hange and Levi were cleaning. When he catches your gaze he raises a hand up, flashing a lighter and gestures towards the back door with a nod "smoke break?" 

"Count me in!" Hange yells, quickly standing and discarding the handful of cups on a nearby side table and making their way out, followed by Erwin. You tip your can back, finish the beer, and make your way to the back door. you lazily slide your shoes on not even bothering to pull the backs up over your heels, you glance behind you to see Levi gathering up the empty cups and beer cans and throwing a couple unopened cans into the cooler placed in the living room. You think for a moment about staying inside and doing damage control with him, maybe you could convince him that Hange was just being dramatic, or using it as a means to prove that they’re right about Erwin. "Come on! What're you doing?" Hange interrupts, pulling you away from the door and sliding it shut, dragging you over to the group. 

"Hange, you really couldn't have said that a worse time." You groan and squeeze your eyes shut, willing another wave of embarrassment away. At this point, you didn’t care about bringing it up in front of Erwin and Miche. You figure Hange would tell them on their own anyway. 

"Said what?" Miche mumbled around the cigarette hanging off his lips, passing the lighter to Erwin. 

"Well.." Hange drawled, a shit eating grin on their face "I may have spilled the beans on her little crush on Levi.. right in front of him." Now both Erwin and Miche were looking right at you, a few moments of silence pass before Erwin raises a brow and glances between you and Hange

"Crush?" His tone was so flat it didn't even sound like a question.

"Levi?" Miche interjected quickly, waiting for you to say you were joking. When the silence began to linger Miche let out a quick snort "like, Levi?" He asked again, his hand gesturing towards the house. "No shit, way to pull the rug from under our feet." He shakes his head in disbelief and nudges Hange with his elbow "you knew and still said your piece about Erwin this whole time? Evil." he laughed 

"Hey, I was told in confidence that she thought Levi was hot one time!" Hange spills out. It was true, months ago you hung out with Hange alone. The two of you decided to have a night in with movies and wine since no one else could join. After a couple glasses you let it slip that you had a small crush on Levi, making sure to paint it as fleeting so the two of you didn't get the same treatment as you and Erwin. "Hey," Hange places a hand on your shoulder "are you alright?"

“I’m just worried about it, I never would have told him that. You saw him in the kitchen, everything is probably going to be so awkward now.” 

"Oh stop, it's Levi!" Hange encourages and pulls you in close by your other shoulder "he doesn't care, he probably won't even mention it" they try to reason with you, but it falls on deaf ears. you were so full of doubt. How could things be normal after this? Were you just supposed to continue on while pretending it didn't happen? That's exactly what you plan to do because there was no chance you could bring it up to his face.  

"I'll be back" you mumble at Hange as you spin on your heels and make your way inside through the back door and decide the bathroom would be a more private place to pull yourself together. 

***

You admire the photos that hang unsystematically in the hallway, tracing waves on the wall with your finger as you glide through, the music slowly starts to fade the closer you get to your destination and completely muffles as you close the bathroom door. 

"uh, hi?" 

You snap your attention towards the voice, meeting a sharp but forgiving gaze. "Levi, I didn't realize you-." you start, feeling the heat in your cheeks as you stammer for the words to apologize. Levi's stare is unmoving for a moment. He looks down, swiping the cloth off the hook to dry his hands. His eyes dart back to your face. "Your shoelaces are untied." 

What..? 

You take a moment to register what he just said, double checking that you heard him correctly and glancing down to see the strings loosely hanging off each side of your shoes. "That's how I like them..." When his expression doesn’t change you curse yourself for sounding so dumb. 

"And you're walking through my house with shoes on." he states and you can feel your face burning even more. Duh, Why wouldn't you have remembered to take them off as you came in. Just as you part your lips to muster up what would probably sound like another pathetic attempt at an apology, you notice the small smirk pulling at Levi's lips "Save it. Hange's party, Hange’s mess to clean" He assured you.

You hum in response and started to turn back towards the door to leave "Was that true?" He asked, you can hear a subtle eagerness in the question "What Hange said, I mean" he corrects his tone this time. You’re completely still while a wave of embarrassment washes back over your whole body trying to think of something to say, but you're stuck speechless. Muffled music and Hange’s voice chanting at Erwin to chug from outside quickly fill in the silence. You take a deep breath, realizing that now is your chance to give context. 

“Yeah, but that was so long ago,” you stammer your words and finally turn to face him, he’s closer now. 

“Yeah? How long?” He’s smirking now, arms crossed over his chest, like this is amusing to him. 

“Months.” Was all you could say in response. 

“So what happened? You let eyebrows take my spot?” He teases. 

“You’re starting to sound an awful lot like Hange, It was never like that anyway,” you scoff, not realizing his implication of having a spot. In your attempt to explain yourself you hadn't noticed Levi closing the space between you. 

“You done?” He interrupts, glancing down at your lips then back up. Your eyes meet his and you nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Levi leans in, his fingers brush against your jaw as he reaches out resting his hand at the nape of your neck. He pulls you in gently and pauses briefly before your lips meet. You hear his breath shake before he closes the small space between the two of you. Warmth spreads across your whole body and the intoxication rushes back in. You drape your arms over his shoulders and relax into it, tilting your head to follow his lead. Levi rests his other hand on your hip, pulling you flush against his body and snaking his fingers through the hair behind your head. He guides you back up into the door, his hand acting as a cushion for your head as he moves his lips against yours. Your breath hitches at the gentle impact against the door, you pull your arms back in to cup his face just as he parts from you. He rests his forehead against yours, his breaths coming out in soft pants. Your eyes meet again and just as he parts his lips to say something you hear the back door slide open and shut. Levi quickly pulls back from you, a quiet ‘shit’ falling from his lips. You realize how long you have been missing from the group. Grabbing the door handle you turn back to Levi, he responds with a gestured nod toward the door. A silent agreement that you leave first. You twist the handle and exit the bathroom quickly, closing the door behind you. As you step away from the door Erwin turns down the hall and stops at the sight of you. 

"There you are.” he starts, sounding relieved. “We got worried when you didn't come back and," he stops speaking when you hear the bathroom door click shut behind you. You watch as Erwin's eyes flicker back and forth. You press your eyes shut as Levi slips quietly past you. When the back door slides shut signaling that Levi is outside, you open your eyes. Something is different about Erwin’s posture; he seems stiff and his expression indecipherable. "Oh, looks like that worked out for you then?" He questions, referencing Hange’s slip of the tongue earlier and offering a wistful smile.

"Yeah, I guess it did." You agree, biting back a grin. 

***

The night died down fast. Miche made sure Hange had more water and got into their bed without issue then retreated to his own room. Erwin has the couch, and you have the recliner, your usual arrangement for nights spent over. The music was silenced, the only light now coming from a single lamp on the side table keeping the room just lit enough for Levi. He paces between the living room and kitchen, picking up the last of the mess left behind from the night. Erwin hasn’t said much since coming back inside. You assume he's not feeling well and decide to leave him alone for the night, you could fill him in tomorrow. You spend your wind down time curled up on the chair, your eyes flicking between your phone and Levi as he moves around the room. "You always had a staring problem, now I know why." he teases.

 "Shut up" you roll your eyes at him, setting your phone down as he walks back towards you. 

"Let's go." He says as he yanks the blanket you were using off of you, tucking it under his arm. 

"Where?" You ask.

"My room, dumbass."

Taglist: @ackerbootytobbi @amywritesthings

[daisyvisions]

I Wanna Be Your Dog - (k.yh)

➺ Pairing: Rockstar!Younghoon x Assistant!Reader

➺ Summary: Your job as an assistant to the band is simple: handle their schedule, and do what they ask you to do. But how far are you willing to help one member out with a certain ask if it means keeping your job?

➺ Word Count: 3.8k

➺ Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI), fem!reader, unprotected sex, creampies, edging, male masturbation, guided masturbation, handjobs, slight fingering, riding, lots of making out, groping, sexual fantasies, mutual pining (?), younghoon is down bad for reader (sub!younghoon if you squint), marking, mentions of hookups, pet name used (baby)

➺ A/N: Finally, my birthday fic for Younghoon is up! I had planned to write for rockstar younghoon ever since this tiktok edit came out last year. This was not the original story I had in mind but I hated how the outline was going and decided to save it for another member and use this plot instead. Title is inspired from the song of the same name by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts because the lyrics fit so well with one particular scene of the fic (iykyk). Proofread once, enjoy 😉

➺ Network & Tag: @deoboyznet @snowflakewhispers @winterchimez @aimeecarreros (thank you for introducing me to the song 😈)

For as long as you could remember, you've always wanted to work in the music industry. There was something about that chaotic world that you thought was magical. You were so determined to become a part of that universe you didn't care where you would end up.

And that is how you became the assistant to one of the hottest acts to ever grace the stage.

At first, you were way too excited to be involved in the day-to-day of the band's schedule; you didn't even care if you had to run many blocks just to get the specific brand of coffee they wanted.

But soon enough, the rose-colored lenses you had on would crack. Not only did you have to take care of the band's schedule and be at their beck and call, but you were also in charge of cleaning up their mess.

Which is the reason you ended up sitting through a one-hour phone call with the band's manager as he practically yaps your ear off about the band's lead guitarist.

"Do you know how many NDAs I had to sign just so these groupies would keep their mouths shut about Younghoon?" Jacob exclaims.

"I know, I'm the one who prints and mails those documents for you." You sigh heavily.

"The board is getting pissed off. It's getting too much! He has a sex addiction at this point!"

"Well, it's not like we can make him wear a chastity belt or a purity ring to stop him! You know how he gets." You reply, trying to hold in your frustration from how long this call has been going.

"They are in the process of promoting their next album and going on tour. If Younghoon keeps this up and the press finally catches on, it will not be a good look for us all." Jacob takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment.

"I need you to keep him in line," Jacob says to you with a stern voice.

"What?! How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know, you're the assistant. It's your job to take care of those guys. Do something about it or you can say goodbye to your job."

Jacob puts the phone down immediately without even waiting for your reply. You throw your phone to the side, your heart racing as you feel the frustration consuming you, and it's not even eight in the morning.

You can't afford to lose your job. Not after you've worked so hard to get where you are already. And you will definitely not lose your job just because Younghoon can't keep it in his goddamn pants.

No, you're going to do something about this no matter what it takes.

As you insert the spare key in the lock of Younghoon's apartment, you're instantly startled as a figure appears before you. Her disheveled appearance already tells you who or rather, why she's in his apartment. Great, another day of running into a groupie.

"Oh, Lin, isn't it?" You try to give her a smile. You introduce yourself as the band's assistant.

"Oh—hi," she responds, but her eyes were looking elsewhere. "Excuse me, I gotta go, late for… an appointment," she mumbles.

"Of course, it was nice meeting you!" You put on that people-pleasing voice. Lin nods in return before stumbling out the door. You make a mental note to track her address and send her an NDA later in the day.

You walk further into Younghoon's apartment, already listing out in your head the mess you have to clean up later as you quickly scan different areas of the living room. You find him still dead asleep in his bed, probably unaware that his latest conquest has left the building as you walk closer to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Younghoon? You awake?" You gently shake his shoulder. As you continue to wake him up, you're caught by surprise as he grabs your arm and pulls you into his embrace.

"Hey baby, up so early?" His deep morning voice rings in your ear as his face buries into your neck.

You try to keep yourself composed as you wriggle yourself free, but your eyes widen at the sudden realization that doing so was a mistake as you feel something hard digging between your ass.

"Younghoon, I—"

"So eager for round two, huh? Don't worry, baby, I'll let you take the lead this time." He kisses a sensitive spot between your neck and shoulder as his hands start drifting near your hips. Before anything escalates, you pull his hands away and reach behind to flick him in the forehead.

"Younghoon, it's me!" You shout, sitting upright once more and shaking off that fluttering feeling growing inside your stomach.

"Ow. What the— oh. Oh hey!" He smiles at you. "Where's—"

"Already left. Witnessed her walk of shame just as I was going in," you smirk. "I brought you breakfast; better see you outside in ten minutes, alright?" You slap his shoulder to wake him up.

"Alright, alright, I'll get up," he groans as he turns to his side.

"Aw, all this for me? You shouldn't have." Younghoon slings his arm over your shoulder as he watches you set all the food on the counter.

"Just sit down and eat. We need to talk about something." You shrug his arm off.

"To talk… What did I do this time?" He sarcastically replies as he sits across from you.

"It's not what you did this time; it's what you keep on doing, Younghoon." You grab his plate and fill it up with the food on the table.

"Look, Jacob called me this morning, and he's not happy with your—" You pause, trying to come up with a proper way to address the problem.

"With my… what?" Younghoon takes a big bite from his plate, his eyes trained on yours as he waits for you to finish.

"Your sex addiction." You decide to get straight to the point. "You fuck nearly every girl that bats her pretty eyelashes at you or even gives you a decent amount of attention."

"Hey, I can't help myself, you know? This is the rockstar's life, after all." He shrugs as he takes a sip from his glass.

"Yeah, well, if you don't get that controlled and continue thinking with your dick, it's not gonna look good for the press," you reply.

"Since when have we cared about what the press thought?" Younghoon asks with slight irritation in his voice.

"Please, Younghoon, I need you to keep it together just until promotions and the tour are over. My job is on the line here." Your voice starts quivering. Younghoon sees your eyebrows scrunching and the tiny tear forming at the corner of your eye.

Oh, how he wishes he could kiss those worries away right now and keep you close to him. Seeing you like this whenever you're frustrated or upset makes his heart ache with a feeling he can't explain. It's probably because he has a soft spot for you, ever since you started working for them. And if he's the reason that you end up losing your job, he doesn't know how he'll be able to sleep at night.

"Please?" Your tiny voice calls him back to reality as your soft hands hold one of his. And how could he ever say no to you?

"Alright," Younghoon sighs out. "I'll do it. But it's not gonna look pretty." You chuckle at his response.

"I promise you can go back to doing whatever after the promotions. Deal?" You gently squeeze his hand for reassurance. Younghoon places his other hand on top of yours and squeezes in return.

"You got it, boss."

Much to your surprise, Younghoon does a fairly good job at keeping his word. At first, it was a bit difficult, but he somehow managed to pull through.

He couldn't forget that one time he was almost about to fuck the girl lying on his bed until he suddenly remembered your face and how upset you would've been if you found out what he was doing. He couldn't bear the thought of disappointing you, so he just came up with a lousy excuse for the groupie to leave and fisted himself later in the night until he was satisfied enough.

And since then, that's what he had been doing to get by. He was either fucking his hand or fleshlight while imagining all the different one-night stands he had in the past. But as the days went by, it was getting harder for him to reach that sweet release. Not even watching porn would get him off the way it did before.

He needed to touch and be touched, a pair of lips kissing him everywhere, and moans of pleasure ringing in his ear… he couldn't wait till the tour was over until he could finally ravish someone and forget their name the next day. Sounds like a shitty way to live but hey, this is the kind of life he chose for himself.

Just two more months, Younghoon, what's the worst that can happen?

Sweat starts to form on Younghoon's forehead as he vigorously pumps his throbbing length. He had been trying to get off for a while now, but it seems nothing has been working. This was the worst case of blue balls he has ever had, and if he doesn't cum any second now, he might go insane.

Younghoon starts to dig deep into his memories of past hookups to see if there was one moment he can use to get himself off. There was one memory that seemed to pop into his mind, but not any of the hookups he had remembered. No, it was a memory of you. The day you came into the apartment to talk to him about his problem.

He recalls the smell of your perfume when he buried his face into your neck, the way your ass rubbed against his morning wood accidentally, and how soft your hands were when you held his hand during breakfast.

His cock throbbed in his hand remembering those small moments, playing an imaginary scenario in his mind wherein you didn't stop his hands from traveling to your hips. How he would've pressed himself into you further and continued kissing your neck. How his hands would’ve groped your breasts tenderly as he whispered filth into your ear and you would’ve moan his name in response.

"So pretty…" he murmurs to himself as he bucks his hips up, thinking how beautiful and kind you've always been to him even if he tends to be an asshole at times.

He moans at the thought of how soft your lips would feel against his own, remembering the time you drunkenly kissed him on the cheek during that one after-party a few days ago. He had to quickly turn away from you to hide his cheeks turning pink.

God, he knows his abstinence from sex has gotten so bad to the point that even the smallest gestures from you are enough to send the blood in his veins right down to his cock. He's never been this hard in his life, and he can't tell anymore if it's because he's blue-balled or because he's thinking about you.

Either way, Younghoon was all up in his head that he didn't even hear his front door being unlocked as you let yourself in.

Your visit to Younghoon's tonight was unplanned. He had forgotten his lucky leather jacket in the studio a week ago, and you took it upon yourself to get it dry-cleaned for him.

As soon as you got the call from the dry cleaners, you thought it would be nice to drop by his place and surprise him with his newly cleaned jacket and bring his favorite food for a late night snack. After all, you wanted to show him how grateful you were for keeping his word.

"Younghoon?" You call out his name. You knew he was home after spotting his keys and wallet on the console table. You try to call his name again but still no response. He must be asleep. I should go check on him, you think to yourself.

Younghoon? He hears your sweet voice ringing in his ear. God, he must be down so bad if he can start hearing you call out his name, as if you're right close by. He can already feel himself closer to the edge as he hears his name once again, pumping himself to the point of no return until his door suddenly swings open.

"Younghoon, I— Oh my god!"

"Shit!"

You both catch each other by surprise.

You tried to look elsewhere, but the image of Younghoon jerking himself off is now burned into your memory, and you don't know what to do. Younghoon, on the other hand, whimpers from the loss of his orgasm.

Had you been delayed by a second or two, he would've released his load onto his stomach, relieving himself of stress. But now, he's on the verge of crying as he feels himself getting incredibly pent up.

"I'm so sorry, I'll just go—" You turn around quickly.

"No, wait!" Younghoon's voice stops you from closing the door. You couldn't help but turn around and face him once more. He looked like he was in pain, his eyes becoming watery as he deeply breathes in and out.

"Help me…" He cries out to you.

"W-what?" Your eyes widen. He can't be serious, right?

"Please! I can't— been trying. I can't do it." A tear falls down his pale cheek.

"Please, it hurts so bad…" He whimpers once again.

"Younghoon, I can't—"

"Please! Just this once. We'll never speak of it again—" He pleads like his life depends on it. And with the way he's looking at you like you're the only one that can help him get out of this sticky situation, how could you say no to him?

"A-alright." Your feet move towards him even before you replied, your body already deciding for you on what you need to do next.

You sit beside him, placing your hand on his thigh as you glance over his hand gripping his cock. You feel your core pulsate at his pink tip peeking out from his fist. But you try your best to completely ignore whatever intrusive thought you have and place your hand on top of his, gently holding it as you look into his eyes.

"Just this once, okay?" You hover above his cock enough for your spit to fall onto the tip and move his hand slowly up and down as you guide him through his orgasm.

This wouldn't be the first time you've seen his cock. The first two times were by pure accident and from afar too. But nothing could've prepared you from seeing his member up close.

The way the veins are protruding from how rock hard he is at the moment, wondering what it must feel like to fill you up to the hilt. You try to think of anything deemed unsexy as you stare at his manhood, but that ends up failing as you start to feel your underwear slowly getting wet by the second.

While you're too caught up in your own thoughts, Younghoon couldn't help but stare at the way you looked at his cock, all slack-jawed and dreamy-eyed. It was like you wanted to do more than guide him, like you were ready to devour him any moment from now. As if a dark cloud of lust is slowly taking over you right before his very own eyes. And that was turning him on a lot.

He subconsciously reaches out for you with his free hand, his fingers holding onto the back of your neck as he pulls you in for a kiss. Your lips are even sweeter than he had imagined, making his heart beat so fast from how soft they feel on his own. Younghoon knows this moment won't last forever, so he decides to just enjoy it while it lasts.

You instantly moan from the feeling of his lips on yours, holding his wrist as you lean forward to press yourself against him. You pull his hand away from his cock and replace it with yours instead, the softness of your palm wrapped around his length making him hiss in pleasure. You start to grip him harder, controlling the pace of your hand jerking him off.

Younghoon groans into your mouth as he slips his tongue inside. His hands grabbing onto your hips before pulling you closer to him to straddle his lap. You continue to jerk him off as his hands start caressing the sides of your body.

"Please…" he whines into your mouth.

"Tell me what you need, Younghoon—" You kiss his cheek before moving down to his neck.

"Wanna touch you— fuck— Can I touch you? Please let me touch you." His eyebrows knit in pleasure as your lips suck a particularly sensitive part of his throat.

Too busy with lightly sucking on his skin, you grab one of his hands and guide him to the front button of your pants, signaling him to remove the article of clothing from you for better access. He wastes no time helping you out of your jeans and having you back on his lap.

His fingers slowly sliding beneath your underwear, groaning at the sensation of how wet your folds are. He's honestly amazed at how you're able to get this wet without being touched; it motivates him to slide his fingers between before finally circling around your sensitive bud.

You let out a soft whine as you feel your knees turn into jelly. All you could think about right now is to sink yourself down onto his member and ride him into the sunset. Somehow it was like he could read your mind as you feel his hand pull your underwear to the side and the other pull you by the hip to align your entrance right above his tip.

"This okay?" You look down at him.

"Y-yeah, more than okay." He stutters.

"C'mere." You lean down to kiss him, slowly letting yourself sink down to the base of his cock.

Both of you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding until you finally sat on his lap. The feeling of Younghoon being fully sheathed inside you already has you seeing stars, and you haven't even moved yet. He swallows your moans as he starts bucking his hips up, holding you in a tight embrace as he fucks himself into your tight hole.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He mumbles as he pulls his lips away from yours to get a good look at your face.

The way he looked at you as if you had a halo around you was making the butterflies in your stomach flutter like crazy. You knew the effect he had on you, especially when he would randomly flirt with you. But for some reason, the effect of his words felt different.

It was like he was confessing something he had locked up inside of him for a long time, making you blush like an idiot. Your eyebrows knit in pleasure as his thrusts start to become faster. Your walls are gripping him like a vice; he knows he's bound to reach his peak anytime soon.

"Let go for me, Younghoon, you can do it." You whisper in his ear.

As soon as you say these words, a sudden burst of warmth blooms inside you. His hips relax onto the mattress as he comes down from his high, but his hands guide your hips up and down his cock, helping you reach your own release.

He must've been so pent up, you think to yourself as you feel him still incredibly hard inside you. The tip of his manhood nudges that sweet spot deep inside you so good you feel yourself nearly falling over the edge.

"K-keep going, baby—" He breathes out. "Use me."

You take control of your own movement and bounce on him like there's no tomorrow. Your fingernails raking the sensitive skin on his chest as you chase your own high. Younghoon can feel himself reaching his own high too the more you keep this pace up.

Everything about this moment was making him absolutely dizzy. Your walls practically choke holding his dick, his first load already dripping out of you and coating his balls, and the way the squelching sounds echo in the room as you use him for your own pleasure?

He will never look at you the same way ever again. You've officially ruined him for anyone else after this.

"Younghoon, I'm gonna—"

"C'mon baby, cum on me. Fuck— make me yours." He mumbles as he feels close to the edge with you.

After a few more bounces, the rope inside you finally snaps, making you cum so hard you feel like you're going to faint. Younghoon's second release follows right after yours, but this time his load is more than the first. You both know for sure that as soon as he pulls out, a waterfall of your mixed juices is bound to rush out of your hole. So you just decide to keep him close longer as you both try to catch your breath.

You lay your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his breathing pattern slowly regulating as he rubs his hand up and down your back. You both bask in the silence a little longer, secretly savoring the moment before you have to part ways.

"Younghoon?" You lift your head to look up at him. He hums in response.

"If— if ever you need help with this at a different time…" You pause for a moment. "I'd be happy to volunteer." You feel your cheeks burn up at the thought of doing this with Younghoon again.

"Yeah? You wanna help me out?" His eyes widen, his heart beating faster again knowing this wouldn't be the last intimate moment with you.

"Yeah, just as long as you sign an NDA about it." You jokingly reply. He chuckles and kisses your forehead.

"Well, get ready to print a lot of those—" He grabs your ass and gives it a good slap, making you yelp in surprise.

"—because you have a lot of catching up to do."

[thecapricunt1616]

Pearls - (c.b. one-shot)

𝓢𝓷𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓽 (𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓑𝓣𝓒): “Baby! Happy birthday- I’m sorry I musta woke you” he comes over, hugging you to his chest and kissing the top of your head “I got coffee all ready for you” he said and led you over to your usual spot at the island and setting down your mug, pouring you a cup and grabbing your favorite creamer from the fridge. It was creamer he made for you, fresh toasted hazelnuts and Indian vanilla beans that he made sure to take a few home whenever the restaurant got them imported. 

♡ One-Shot Inspo: Pearls are associated with feminine energy, intuition, and nurturing qualities. Some say they can enhance a woman's natural grace and elegance, and connect her with her inner femininity. Also, In many traditions, pearls symbolize love, wisdom, and inner beauty. They are often exchanged as gifts to express deep affection and admiration. ♡ Summary: It's your birthday, and your man pulls out every stop to show you just how much he loves & worships you in every way. ♡ W/C: 4,600 ♡ Posted Date: 06/06/24 ♡ A/N: Hello! This is for my darling love @carmenberzattosgf - everyone say ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRTY OLIVE MARTINI!!! ' RN!!!! She truly is the love of my tumblr life, I hope you enjoy this my sweetest moot!! I hope you also had a wonderful wonderful birthday. For all you folks that have asks rotting away in my inbox (STILL) i'm sorry :( I am still working I promise, But special days like this only come once per year we have to celebrate while we can! I hope you all enjoy this in the meantime :) ♡ Warnings for BTC: SMUTTY SMUT SMUT - Incl. but not limited to *ehehem* *cracks knuckles* ; Cockwarming, Spanking, Praise Kink, Choking (hands & arm), (kinda) bondage (it’s just gift ribbon so not really? But still restrained), Daddy!kink (this is mostly for dirty olive martinis reading pleasure & no one elses really in mind, kay, it’s martinis birthday, but you can read it if it’s yours - anywhore, if you don't like the d word SCOOT ALONG) it can be avoided though im not obnoxious w/ it, heavy cavity inducing fluff & aftercare, lowkey sugar daddy!carmy, Fem!/AFAB!Reader, R has long hair, No use of Y/N, Fem!Pet names (Babygirl, Sweetheart, Babe, Baby, Princess, Good Girl, Bunny/Kitten ETC), Established relationship, Unprotected PIV sex, Creampie/Breeding kink, & Other BDSM themes.

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡

365. Another 365 days had passed, and you were another year older. Another year wiser and all that. It wasn’t usually a day that was out of the blue extraordinarily different then any of the other 364 days of the year, but Carmen made sure that now that you had been official for just about 8 months - it was a day to remember. 

He had this day marked in his apple calendar from the day you’d told him, which was your second date. He felt a bit … creepy doing that so soon. But he just brushed it off as telling himself he was bad with numbers, you were the first person to bring him out of his years-long dry spell, he’d seen you more then once, and didn’t just hook up and dip afterwards, so he figured if it did go anywhere, it couldn’t hurt to make sure it was documented. 

But the day had come, and Jesus fucking Christ was he nervous. He felt stupid for being nervous, you would probably laugh if you knew he was nervous. Tell him to cut it out, that it’s not that important - to which he would give you one of his little laughs. He had big plans for the day, which started with the day off of work, but him getting up at 5 am anyway to make you a gourmet Michelin starred breakfast in bed. 

He tried being quiet as he could, but so many years screaming (and being screamed at) in a commercial kitchen, and all the clanging of pots and pans - his hearing had been a bit dented. So you did wake up to the pleasant smell of coffee and bacon, and came out to see him standing there shirtless making some kind of caramelized French toast. “Shit” he hissed as he touched the pan on accident,  shaking his hand momentarily before continuing as he always did. 

He didn’t water burns anymore unless they bled, it was just a waste of time to him otherwise. “I’m surprised you still have tattoos on your hands” you said, causing him to jump a bit, startled, and turn around to face you, dropping his spatula on the island 

“Baby! Happy birthday- I’m sorry I musta woke you” he comes over, hugging you to his chest and kissing the top of your head “I got coffee all ready for you” he said and led you over to your usual spot at the island and setting down your mug, pouring you a cup and grabbing your favorite creamer from the fridge. It was creamer he made for you, fresh toasted hazelnuts and Indian vanilla beans that he made sure to take a few home whenever the restaurant got them imported. 

“I told you you didn’t have to do anything baby it’s just another day” you said and he mixed it up with a spoon, tapping it on the rim before dropping it off in the dishwasher. 

“That’s bullshit baby you know it- it’s your day, should be a national holiday” he joked, setting another piece of the home baked brioche bread in the vanilla caramel custard mix he’d whipped up with heavy cream and setting it in the pan, sprinkling some cinnamon on top. 

“Mm right. The national day of me where everyone has to bring me presents, and you have to cook me my favorite food. Is that-“

“Your creme brûlée French toast princess, it is” he finished for you and flipped it. The smell was mouth watering. You saw on the counter a bowl with buttery white fluff in it and knew he must have made the whip cream for it too. 

“How did I manage to land the best boyfriend ever?” You muse, taking a sip of your coffee he made you that was perfect per usual. He always made sure to memorize just how you like your food and drink, among other things about you that you were sure to come later. 

It wasn’t long before there was a plate being set in front of you with bacon and eggs and amazing looking French toast that was fucking filled with strawberry filling when you cracked it to cut it, you didn’t even know how the fuck he did that. He brought the dishes to the sink, rinsing them between nibbles of his own naked French toast. 

That was how it usually went, he cooked, then insisted on cleaning, after he made you a perfect and beautiful plate of food that was so stunning you hardly could handle eating it, all while he was nibbling the leftovers or the ‘failed portions’ he called them. You still enjoyed yourself, the food was so delicious how could you not. After you’d finished breakfast it was all up to you how you wanted to do your day. 

You were already over the moon he had taken the day off to be with you, so for now in the early 8 am sun you were sat out on the balcony, smushed together on a sun chair. His arms were wrapped securely around your back as you just sat, enjoying each other's silence. It was so nice to have him this way. 

“Do you want your gift now, or later?” He asked gently, continuing to drag his fingers up and down the length of your back. Your head popped up, fuck. The sun made his eyes impossibly blue. You didn’t think eyes could be that blue until you met Carmy. He was stunning, absolutely gorgeous. Like he was carved from stone. He always got all blushy when you told him that, his cheeks and the bridge of his nose doing that sweet pink you loved so much. 

“You got me a present?” You asked, happiness lacing your tone. You did tell him specifically you didn’t want or need anything, that you’d be beyond happy if he could just get the day off of work and spend it with you, and so when he told you he would be able to do that -  you were over the moon. 

“Maybe- I might have made reservations for dinner, too. So, how about that present sweetheart?” He asked and a smile curled on your lips. 

“You’re a sappy bear” you teased and kissed his lips lovingly before getting up, taking his hand with you and he followed leading you to the bedroom. 

“I love spoiling you, what can I say?” He reached under his side of the bed, pulling out a black and white bag from under his side of the bed that made you gasp a bit when you read the font. 

Chanel?

“Carmy- Carmy this is really-“

“You don’t have to wear it, if you hate it. It’s vintage, I called in a few favors with a friend I made in my time in Italy when I was doing some shadow work in the pastry side of things. It’s uh, so it’s the 97’ spring collection” he took out a black dress bag and your heart thumped against your ribs. You hadn’t ever owned something so high end before - let alone vintage. 

“So it’s kinda reflective of the more business chic look? I guess, that’s what she said was popular at the time” he unzipped it and you watched as he peeled back the fabric to reveal a stunning black dress with pearl buttons that were breathtaking. 

“Oh- Carmen” you whispered, stepping forward and touching the soft but thick fabric, it was stiff, nearly perfect. This wasn’t…a thrifted piece “Carmy who’s dress is this? I- I mean… you got it second hand, right?” You look at him, fingers grazing over one of the smooth buttons 

“No- no babe it. Yeah, this is…I guess you can call it one of a kind? They never put it into production not…not enough companies bought the design I guess, it’s been worn by one model one time baby, for like 10 minutes. It’s practically new-“

“That’s not-“ you shook your head “I don’t care if it was thrifted that feels kind of stupid to say, but you mean that I’m the only one to have this dress? Like…like, where did you even get it?” You questioned and he chuckled a bit. 

“I didn’t. I just got to see the photos of it, well- I didn’t have the time to go to the retired fashion house with my friend and look but she FaceTimed and I picked from what they had in your size. You don’t like it? Shit…” he muttered to himself looking back at the dress and you could practically hear the negative gears turning in his head

“I fuckin love it” you inturrupted and took the hanger from him, walking over to the mirror “holy fuck I’m like-“ you giggle “I’m look like I’m straight out of gossip girl- can I try it on? No! No. Later. Later- what time is our reservation?” You turn to him and he smiled at your enthusiasm. 

“It’s at 6- but you have other gifts not just that one baby” he took a box from the bag as well as a smaller box. 

“More-“ your jaw drops, walking over to the bed. You see the ribbon tying the bigger box together and bit your lip to contain your grin at your less than pure ideas. “I think you gave more than just the gift in the box” you undid the big luxurious bow, the tendrils of ribbon cascading all the way to the floor. There was plenty of it to use for activities later. 

“Is that so?” He held you from behind, chin on your shoulder as you flipped open the lid of the box, tugging open the tissue paper and gasping. 

“Are those-“

“More pearls” he held up the bag, by its handle, tugging off the dust bag to reveal sleek crocodile leather and a ‘Chanel’ logo clasp you could have only dreamed of when you were younger. 

“Holy fucking shit” you held it in your hands, nearly feeling like you should be wearing gloves because of how beautiful and precious the bag was. “You remembered that” you said as you thumbed over the pearls on the handle and he huffed a chuckle, patting your hip. 

“I try my best to remember everything I can about you, it’s kinda my job now” he kissed your cheek “so…y’like it?” He questioned. You were in shock, really. You didn’t even want to breach the thought in your mind of how much it might have costed him, over a birthday - just one day, just your day. 

You knew Carmy was fairly frugal, the man didn’t even invest in an extra dresser to store his beloved jeans in, until you moved in, of course. When you moved in - his apartment became much more alive in a literal sense and emotional one. You had put up artwork you’d found on your trips together to thrift stores, he told you that you had an eye for it, and of course he found you the cutest outfits in return for your decorating skills. 

You had found a total of 3 bear ash trays, 5 bear coffee mugs, a Smokey the Bear T shirt (he only wore it to bed since apparently, you teased,  he was too ‘cool guy’ to wear a printed shirt in public), a set of fourteen bowls, cups, and plates that were printed with what you both assumed was the California state bear  because there was absolutely the California state flag on one of the serving platters - but it was… hand painted? You both laughed until your ribs hurt when you found it, because what the hell was it doing in Chicago? Plus, the bears looked so silly. They became your favorite plates, the very ones you had your breakfast on a few hours prior. 

“No - I..I love it. I love it - I can’t believe you remembered my birthstone.” You said gently, looking at the beautiful gold clasp. You opened it, to see the embossed stamp inside ‘made in Italy’ your heart fluttered at the sight. “I love you” you turned around and hugged him tight. He rubbed your back, enveloping you in one of his big warm hugs, his strong arms rubbing over your back and he kissed your neck gently. He hadn’t shaved yet today, so his stubble scratched at your jaw as he kissed down, over your shoulder. 

You still hadn’t changed out of the velvet robe he’d gotten you a month or so ago, he loved that robe. He saw one just like it while you were snuggling In bed one night. It was hot pink, juicy couture. Something one of Natalie’s friends he crushed on would have worn back in 2005 at a sleepover. He had hunted all over the internet for it until he found it, $90 on depop but he bought it anyway since he’d absolutely scoured the sleepwear section at every thrift in Chicago for it, no dice. 

He tugged the shoulder down, kissing over the bare skin gently before resting his nose in the nook of your neck and holding you close. “I love you bear, so much” you manage to say without sounding as tear filled as you were. “You treat me so special” you sniffled a bit, pawing away your tears quickly so he wouldn’t have to see them. He hated seeing you cry. Even when they were happy tears, it made him want to cry - and he hated crying. 

“Open y’last gift- well, second t’last we’re picking up the last on the way t’dinner” he pecked your lips sweetly and urged you to sit on the bed, setting the small box in your palm and kissing your head. “Open baby. I think you’ll look amazing” he said as you untied the box and tugged it open to reveal 2 stunning mother of pearl earrings encased in gold. 

“So- they’re vintage. Like everything else, cause I know you like it more like me y’know - quality and all that shit. But, ok so” he picked one up and showed you “they’re from the 80s, but I thought the gold was super fuckin sick. So I got em- didn’t realize they were clip on- and I called them and the lady said that was the style? Er whatever? And that they’re heavy, so it’ll be more comfortable for-“

You interrupt him with a kiss, taking the box with fumbling hands and putting it to the side, cupping his cheeks. He hummed gently into you, his hands finding yours and giving them a light squeeze. You pulled away after a few moments of intense kissing, mostly tongue and teeth and small moans coming from the both of you. You pant softly, eyes flicking down to his now red kiss bitten lips before looking back up into his ones that you could only describe as resembling his birthstone. 

“I want you to tie me up, and fuck me like you own me, that is what I want for my birthday afternoon” you toss the ribbon from the purse box at his chest and it flutters down into his lap to which he watches it and looks back at you. 

“That seems like something I should get for my birthday and that’s not for 2 months. But okay - can’t tell y’no on your birthday” he untied your robe and tugged it off, brows raising when he realized you didn’t even bother to put on panties after last nights activities. “Fuck-” he mumbled, kissing down your neck and gently nipping at the tender skin. His mouth sent trails of fire down to the pit of your core, mouthing over you in a way that made you whimper beneath him prettily. 

“Need you so bad daddy” you laid back, hair splayed over the pillow beneath you. The way his eyes raked over your naked frame would have made you insecure if it had been any other hookup you had before him. With Carmy it was different, he was observing you, trying to decide which part of you he wanted to worship first - taking his time with you was his favorite thing to do. It was never mean, never teasing, but moreso savoring the moment, he savored every single second he had of you this way like the first time, every time. 

“I gotchu babygirl” he kissed down your chest, tongue swirling and dancing over your sensitive skin, while his warm palm - so warm, so - so warm, so warm that if you were made of sugar you’d be melting into him - well, you might as well should be considering how pliant you were to his touch - was kneading at the plush fat of your thigh as he ravished your top half. “So soft” he muttered into your skin, sucking little bruises into the flesh of your breast. You watched him, mumbling soft praises into each part of you as if he was telling each body part of yours individually how perfect and meant for him they were. How you were so, so beautiful. Flawless, that was a word he often liked to use. It honestly made you blush, but over the months it made you much more confident in yourself, the negative voices you heard in your mind were usually replaced by his real voice of praise. 

“N’smell so good kitten” he nuzzled his nose in the hill of your cleavage, inhaling. “Mmm- how’d I get so lucky t’have you, hmm? Such a pretty girl wanting to spend her special day with me” you smiled at that, your cheeks felt like they were on fire, so did your cunt- clenching and clit twitching at every praise. He knew what It did to you, how wild it drove you. 

“I ask myself how I got so lucky every day, take care of me so good” you took his wrist, moving his hand needily towards your pussy that was basically crying for attention at this point “please take care of me daddy” you said gently, voice wanton and needy. 

“Oh, princess, f’course- already so wet f’me huh?” he ran his fingers through your folds, earning a pretty moan out of you, your head falling back to the pillow in bliss. “Always so responsive t’me, so well behaved” he mused, easily finding your clit and rubbing light circles over the swollen nub. Your hips buck at the contact, a whine peeling from your lips absentmindedly and hand reaching up to roll your nipples between your fingers as he kissed down your sternum, and ribs, and stomach, trailing down to where you were needing him the most.

“S-so wet” you breathe, spreading your thighs wider to make room for him. 

“God- I could spend the rest of my fuckin’ life between these legs” he kissed the same plush of your thigh he’d been pawing at earlier, spreading your nether lips with his fingers and just admiring. “Prettiest pussy I’ve ever fuckin’ seen- jesus” he leaned in, his mouth finally making contact with your warmest part, licking a stripe up with the pad of his tongue. The feeling of the pressure as he padded his tongue over your throbbing, sensitive bud, could only be explained as something otherworldly by the way fireworks sprayed behind your closed lids and back arched to the sky. “Taste even better” he mumbled, it was barely audible but you absolutely felt the sensation, as it caused your hips to grind against his face and other hand that wasn’t stimulating your nipples to find the back of his head and essentially ride his face from the bottom.

You felt his tongue lapping at your entrance, before lapping back up and kissing at your clit - basically making out with your pussy, it felt so incredible your brain felt like it could melt out of your ears. “H-holy fuck” you babbled, tugging at his hair in a way that made him groan. He wasn’t exactly a masochist, but he’d told you before he loved it when you left scabs on his back for a week and when you tugged his hair so hard that it hurt the next day it made him hard thinking about it- so you made sure to give him that whenever he made it possible. 

“Yea? Like that daddy?” you breathed, you loved this game you got into. You were there to serve, he was there to praise, the perfect duality for your mixture of kinks. 

“Always so good princess, y’know exactly how t’get me off” he placed a wet, intemerate kiss on your thigh, his chin leaving a print of your glistening creamy arousal and making a click noise at the soaked contact. The action made you clench, which in turn made him smile into your heat, nudging the bridge of his nose against your clit in the way that made your hips thresh beneath him. He chuckled into you, the vibration causing a pathetic whine to leave your lips. “Jumpy bunny, mm?” he mused before continuing

Your jaw fell slack orgasm closely approaching as his middle finger broached your entrance and he sunk in to his palm, curling his finger in a come here motion, as if he was beckoning your orgasm - and It was working. Each brush of the pad of his finger against your sweetest spot made a sweet whimper leave your lips. His lips attach to your clit, sucking and flicking his tongue against it like there was no tomorrow. Your spine arched to the sky, and his other arm came across your hips, holding you firmly in place. Since you could no longer wriggle away from the heavenly stimulation - you resorted to pathetic whines and cries. 

“I-I’m cumming- ohhh- oh daddy- fu-fuuuuhuuuck- shit- ah!” you squeak, mind going fuzzy and thighs quivering as unbeknownst to you you soaked your shared sheets, little hums and ‘oh’s’ stuttering from your lips. 

“Always takin’ me so good, mm babygirl? Even on your day” you came back to him grabbing your hips and rolling you over, looking over the hill of your shoulder as his knee held your thighs down and he grabbed the at least 4 feet of Chanel printed ribbon tugging your hands behind your back and you clasped your fingers into open-fingered fists due to your manicure Carmy always made sure was no more then a week old, smiling to yourself as you mushed your cheek against the mattress while you pull your knees underneath yourself to support your upper half. “Y’lucky Mike forced me into that year of cubscouts” he muttered as he tied a decently tight reef knot into the ribbon. You giggled a bit considering the memories he told you about that year of his life. His dad was the ‘den dad’ which was his ultimate demise as his dad thought masculinity was the end all be all - so made Carmy be the first kid to kill a rabbit during their hunting exercise. But, the other memories were quite funny of him getting lost in a canoe, his first time grilling a hot dog over a fire and setting it (and a tent) on fire, you both got a good kick whenever he talked about it.

Like Richie, which was unsurprising since he was basically his second older brother - Carmy loved to tell, and retell - and retell - stories about his beloved older brother. You had figured it was because of just how much he missed him. In between getting lost in your thoughts of why you loved your boyfriend so much, you felt a sharp smack on your ass. “Answer when I talk t’you, you know the rules” he said and you whimper at the sting to which he leans down and kisses the offended cheek, thats new.

“S-sorry Daddy- I didn’t listen, please- m’sorry, say it again” you beg, looking back at him while laying on your shoulder, eyes pleading. 

“M’only gonna be nice cause its y’r day. I said, D’you want me t’stretch you out or you want another?” he brought his dominant hand to your clit, middle and forefingers pinching the pulsing nub between and tugging it back and forth with a small click, click your wetness introduced with the motion. 

“No- no- stretch me, I want it hard” you plead, wiggling your ass towards him pathetically “Want bruises daddy” you begged and he bit his lip harshly, the already red abused flesh going white with the action. 

“No - Maybe when we get home, m’not leavin’ y’black and blue before a dinner like this, the food’ll be too good f’you to be whining ‘bout it hurtin’ n’wantin’ t’come home” he spanked you rough enough to leave a stinging mark. You whimpered at the force of it

“Ok- okay- yes sir” you agreed, “N-need your cock. Please- “ you begged. He tugged you up by your wrists, carefully of course, supporting most of your weight by your ribs with his forearm and his hand trailed up your body, finding your neck and gripping just hard enough for that yummy, light feeling to grace your head. Natures high. 

“Yeah kitten? Need it? Say it again, I love hearing you beg” he tightened his hand, a small smirk coming to your lips. He always gave you exactly what you needed. 

“Pl-please, Daddy, Need you so bad- need your cum - please” he brought his lips firmly to yours, swallowing your moans as he pushed inside of you, just his tip causing you to shudder in pleasure and whine into his mouth. He squeezed your throat harder, fucking up into you relentlessly. His heavy balls slapped against the meat of your ass, kissing along your hairline as he went on an expedition to chase your next orgasm. If anything, the man was determined in bed. 

“Yeah? Need me t’fill this pretty pussy up? Yea?” he growled in your ear, smacking down on your left cheek with his other hand as he continued. You fell slack against you, not minding he was holding you by the throat and fucking up in to you like a sex doll, it felt good to be used, by him anyway.

“Fill me- please fill me up daddy- Need it- n-need your cum” you whined out. Your voice didnt even sound like yours anymore, it was horse, fucked out, needy, whorish. “So bad- so bad daddy” you added. He grunted, his forearm replacing his wrist and pulling you back as he buried himself to the hilt. He was grunting, and whining, and moaning in a way that made your cunt squeeze his cock like a vice. You gasp as he started instead of thrusting in and out, pulling his hips up and down - bringing a sensation that was making you dizzy with pleasure.

Blood roared in your ears, your g-spot was being assaulted by his tip in such a way you thought you may die from how good you felt, and his hot, raspy moans and praises about how wet, and warm you felt, along with how your pussy was sucking his cock inside - you could have died right then and it would have been more then a satisfying death, and life considering all the joy you’d run into since you’d started seeing Carmy exclusively. Without warning, you soak the sheets and Carm’s thighs. 

The noises you were making were straight up pornographic, and that wasn't lost on Carm either. The orgasm that washed over you - you swore was nearly drug-like - you’d never done them, but you swore the full body orgasm that washed over your being was something akin to a fentanyl high. It was so good,that when you came to - you were untied, and Carmy was coaxing the straw of your lilac colored Stanley bottle to your lips. “Drink, hmm princess? Y’shakin, and that was a big mess, need y’water” he cooed, gently stroking your hair with his other hand. 

“Hmm?” you sit up, a bit afraid of how much time had been lost, that had never happened before. “What - wh-what happened?” you asked a bit worried. Carmy pulled you back to his chest, kissing your temple. 

“Baby, princess, shhh- shh- here, have some water mm?” he coaxed and brushed your sweat stuck hair from your skin, bringing a relief to your boiling hot neck. You finally obliged and took a big gulp, looking up at him with worried, but trusting eyes. “S’only been 10 minutes, y’were shakin then you closed y’r eyes f’r a bit, s’ok, y’r okay sweetheart” He assured and grabbed your hairtie from your wrist, carefully tying up your hair. 

“Thank you f’takin care of me” you mumbled, resting your cheek on his sweat-sticky chest, as perv-like as it was enjoying the scent of your mixed arousal in the bedroom and rubbing your hand over his chest lovingly.  “S’my job angel, Happy birthday baby girl”

[winterchimez]

Starboy | Kim Sunwoo

SUMMARY: you always had one goal in mind: to do your job properly and call it day when it's done and dusted. until on one fateful night when you accidentally exchange phones with the one and only Kim Sunwoo, and your ordinary PR life is going to take a turn for both the good and the bad.

PAIRING: guitarist!Sunwoo x f!reader

GENRE: band au, fluff, angst, slight suggestive, some crack (bcs it's Kim Sunwoo we're talking about 💁‍♀️)

WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, petnames (girlie, sweetheart, princess, kitten), man's way too obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun, both y/n and Sunwoo bicker A LOT, ofc he's obv flirty as hell here too, ngl he's lowkey kinda a jerk, alcohol, kissing, making out, they both get drunk 😃, they both go through traumatic experiences when it comes to relationships ❤️‍🩹 (so yknow a lot of figuring things out), arguments, mentions about sleeping pills, cursing, parties whoopie, a couple of flashback scenes, in this fic we say amen hallelujah to Eric Sohn (he's the friend we all need let's be real)

WORD COUNT: 21,742

A/N: happiest dearest birthday to my beloved dongsaeng @justalildumpling 💗 i remember we were once talking about sunwoo x starboy (bcs of this whole photoshoot he did for mediheal 😮‍💨) so here it is 🫣 once again, shoutout to @drunkdrazed @momhwa-agenda @from-izzy @sungbeam @kyaroscuro @mosviqu for literally helping me (from brainstorming, beta reading, hyping me up, keeping me in check ashnjsd, choosing the banner, and literally just being the best supporters ever yall are amazing ilysm 😙😙😙🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻)

Act 1 (하나): Starboy

“What do you mean you’re not going? It’s The Boyz, Y/N!” 

Your roommate immediately shoves the VIP backstage passes right back at you, convincing you that you’re out of your mind to reject such an offer. 

“You know me, Flo. I just don’t really get involved in work-related affairs. Frankly, I much prefer hanging out with my close circle instead.” 

“You’re no fun. That’s why you barely get to know anyone in the entertainment world. Imagine all of the big celebrities you could make! Hell, sometimes even get concert tickets for free or even attend after-parties!” Your roommate was now grabbing your shoulders and shaking them vigorously, not caring about all the excuses you’ve come up with to prove your point of just staying home after a long day. 

“Come with me, come with me, come with me!” Flo whined, and at this point, if you weren’t going to acknowledge her efforts, she might as well be shaking you till your head fell off. 

“Alright, alright! Just this one time, then; what even is so good about them? They’re just an ordinary band like the others-”

Flo immediately places a finger to shush you up. “Now that’s where I’m going to stop you, young lady. The Boyz are very much different than all of the groups out there, and I’ll make sure you realise how much you have been missing out this whole time.” 

“If you fail to impress me, you’re treating me to ten cups of black tea with cheese foam from Machi Machi.”

With that, your roommate simply just smirked. “Consider it done.”

It turns out that your roommate wasn’t kidding when she mentioned about The Boyz being a hotshot. 

You were now standing in front of Watcha Hall, a fairly well-known concert hall that wasn’t too big or too small. These halls were usually meant for rising artists currently out on the market. 

As much as you were taken aback (since you usually dealt with smaller bands or artists with smaller venues), you quickly shook your unnecessary thoughts away before entering the hall. With no time to waste, you hastily made your way backstage and greeted your team of colleagues you’ll be working with for the day. 

Thankfully, the organisers had sorted everything out beforehand, so there weren’t too many miscommunications or tasks that seemed too complicated to fulfil. You were pretty much enjoying your time going around the venue, making sure to check that everything was right before the concert. 

It was definitely slightly challenging compared to the smaller events you were used to, but it wasn’t too hard when you had a good team of colleagues working alongside you. 

Just as you were about to wrap things up, you clearly heard the backdoor creak open, and a few echoes followed behind. As soon as you turned to look, you noticed a group of individuals carrying their instruments began entering the venue one by one, protected and surrounded by their managers and bodyguards. 

It was The Boyz. 

Immediately, they wasted no time, quickly coming around and lined up in a straight line before extending their greetings to all the staff members they would be working with for the day. You noticed how they ensured that they greeted every single staff member without missing anyone, including you.

They would definitely pass as models if they weren’t in a band. 

Every single one of them was breathtakingly beautiful and had good mannerisms. However, one of them immediately caught your attention: the male with striking dark black hair with a kuromi band-aid on his face. 

Something about him lured you in, and you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly that was. Was it his aura? The good looks? Or the way he presented himself? 

You were snapped back into reality when one of your colleagues approached you to tell you about a minor issue that had occurred backstage and required your assistance. Instantly, you took one look at the band before each of them headed straight to their dressing room to change before coming back up on stage for rehearsals. 

Just then, you could’ve sworn that the male you laid your eyes upon actually gave you a little smile followed by a wink before he disappeared into the dark. 

What exactly did that mean?

Rehearsals went fairly well, and everything was done a few hours earlier than expected. You had some free time, so you took a little stroll outside at the park near the venue. Obviously, you exited through the back since you wouldn’t want to bump into the thousands of fans lining up to enter the hall.

The little walk was a refreshing moment for you, and you needed it badly, especially after going through months of endless events without having much time for yourself like this. 

While strolling through the park, you finally found yourself on an empty bench, perfect for rest while enjoying the breeze. Right then, you decided to whip out your phone and search for The Boyz. You were curious to know why exactly your roommate was obsessed with them. 

After some digging, you realise that they have built quite a reputation for themselves: winning multiple awards, being nominated for band of the year, and taking up the role of ambassadors of many beauty brands currently on the market. 

Once again, you couldn’t deny that they were all relatively good-looking and would strive to be a celebrity without a doubt. However, your eyes fall upon the man who caught your attention during rehearsals. As you scrolled further down, you came to learn of his name. 

Kim Sunwoo, the guitarist of The Boyz. 

That name now sounded slightly too familiar for you, though you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly it was that. As much as you tried recalling from the back of your mind, only a hazy recollection of that name rings in your head, and nothing else helpful popped up. 

Now that you know that this man had something to do with you, it is best to dig in further about him and ask your childhood best friend who knew you best—from your personality to your likes and dislikes. Immediately, you texted her before deciding it was time for you to head back to the venue to prepare for the show. 

“Hey Lyla, would you mind searching up about this man named Kim Sunwoo to see if you can find anything interesting?”

The venue was filled with fans from the front stage to the back, and the same went on the upper floor. You were surprised that their popularity wasn’t just for the show; they had fans ranging from teens to middle-aged. Moreover, you noticed a few prominent celebrities sitting in the crowd for the night, sitting in the VIP zone with their bodyguards, as if they were not just enjoying but also evaluating the show.

The band members knew exactly that those celebrities, besides their very own fans, had eyes on them. Hence, they knew that they had to give it out all for the night, and they did just that. Their performance was like no other and very different from the ones you were used to, and you were instantly captivated from the beginning of the show. Each member had their unique colours, and they all stood out in their very own ways.

As you continued to listen to their music in a much more precise manner, you noticed how each lyric meant something, as well as the choice of keys, instrumentals, and how each instrument and vocals just seemed to blend and create the perfect song to perform as a group.

Before you knew it, two hours passed so quickly, and the band was now lined up and giving their fans a final bow before going one by one backstage. At this time, it was also your cue to head there, meet them personally, and hopefully get to know them a lot better. 

Sure enough, the backstage was filled with snacks and drinks to fuel the artists and staff after a successful performance. You decided to go for the simple lemonade pop fizzy drink before taking it and heading into the room where everyone was. Once the director made everyone raise their glasses of beverage to do a loud cheer, everyone began dispersing into their groups to catch up with one another. 

Your roommate’s words constantly echoed in your mind: “Go and meet them personally! Do not let your VIP pass go to waste!”. 

That is only if your anxiety wasn’t up the roof. 

You have tried to walk up towards the idols multiple times but have only ended up retreating to the entrance. You had yet to learn what you would say to them upfront. 

Hey, the show was incredible I loved it! Oh my gosh, you looked absolutely stunning in that black leather jacket! 

No, that was way too common. You were sure that every fan would’ve said the same to them. 

After a good 10 minutes of internal battling, you decided that it was best to head back to your accommodations and call it a night. Instantly, you grabbed the phone lying on the glass table near the makeup station, assuming it was yours since you had been looking for it right before the show started. 

It wasn’t unusual for you to misplace your belongings; it was something both Flo and your childhood best friends back in Busan—Lyla and Bella had always commented about you. But since the phone was a dark midnight black, it must be yours since you were the only staff member with an iPhone in that particular colour anyway. 

Little did you know that all it took was one small mistake for you to end up in an awkward situation that would soon follow.

If you could yell at yourself out loud right now, you would certainly do it without a care in the world. Only now that you were out in the dark and it was slightly freezing, you're left squatting down in front of the twenty-four-hour convenience store with the mobile in hand.

How exactly did you end up in this situation? You should have checked the phone thoroughly before bolting out from the concert hall to your hotel. 

As soon as you returned, you tossed all your belongings aside and took a quick, warm shower. You couldn’t care less about wanting to have a nice relaxing salt bath—which you would usually do whenever you get booked into a luxury hotel. You were too exhausted, and all you wanted to do was lie in bed while scrolling through random Instagram reels for the night. 

Immediately after the shower, you wrapped your dripping wet hair up with a towel before plopping down onto the bed, trying to unlock your phone, which was encrypted with your Face ID.

Only this time, the Face ID wasn’t recognised, and the wallpaper differed from the one you had just changed a couple of nights ago. 

This wasn’t your phone. 

Instantly, panic rushed upon you, and you did not know who this phone belonged to. You could head straight back to the concert hall, though you will likely run out of luck since there would only be a couple of security guards left to clear out the space during this late at night.

Or you could try calling your manager or roommate if you remember their mobile numbers before this. 

You were tossing and turning around your bed, not knowing what to do, and worried that whoever had your phone must’ve probably hacked into your system by now. 

No no, they can’t do that! I have tons of important emails and work stuff in there-

Your train of thought was immediately cut off when an unknown number began calling the phone in your possession. You quickly shot up from the bed before taking a deep breath and answering the mysterious phone call. 

“Hey, I think you might’ve gotten my phone instead,” the voice on the other end of the line spoke. 

“Y-Yeah! I’m so sorry. I should’ve checked earlier before I left; I know it’s not right for me to steal-”

“No worries, man. Say, would you mind going to the convenience store near the hotel to exchange our phones back?” 

“C-Certainly! I’ll get dressed now and be there as soon as possible!” 

So all of that happened within the span of half an hour, and you were now waiting patiently outside the convenience store, waiting for whoever the owner is to come as quickly as they can because, frankly, you’re about to start freezing to death at this point. 

After what seemed like a long 10 minutes, you began to hear footsteps approaching your way. You shot up and squinted your eyes to see the individual slowly emerging from the shadows. The moment you landed your eyes on them, your jaw immediately dropped, now knowing who exactly the phone's owner belonged to. 

“K-Kim Sunwoo?!” You scream before the male quickly dashes towards you and cups your mouth with his bare hands. 

“Yes, it’s me. Are you trying to expose me right out here in public?”

“N-No, that wasn’t my intention-” You tried speaking in your muffled voice.

Sunwoo finally lets go before he gave you a little chuckle and reached through his back pocket to hand you your phone back. “Since you accidentally took my phone, why don’t you keep me company for a little while?” 

It took you a little while to process the thought before the alarms started ringing off in your head, and you quickly positioned yourself in defence mode. “Oh hell no, you ain’t touching me, mister. I don’t care if you’re an idol, there’s no way-” 

Sunwoo immediately burst into laughter, laughing so hard that he was now wrapping his arms around his stomach, and tears started forming in his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not a predator.” 

“Well, at least that’s not how it goes in certain cases out there.”

“Girlie, you watch too many crime documentaries. I can assure you that I’m a harmless guitarist who’s just craving for some Neoguri Ramyun.” 

Instantly, you lowered your guard down and straightened your position. “You’re here to eat ramen?” 

“Now, I have no idea why that came as a shocker to you. It’s very common for idols to sneak out in the middle of the night to head to the convenience store for some late-night snack.” 

“How do your managers not notice someone missing from the hotel rooms?” 

“Eh, I have my ways…and no. I’m not telling you,” Sunwoo immediately rejected your advances when you started walking closer to him. 

“Hmph, you’re no fun. Just when I thought I could get some valuable inside scoop from you,” you sulked. 

He scoffed. “You’re a funny one; I like you.” Right after that, he immediately grabs hold of your wrist before dragging you into the convenience store.

“Neoguri Ramyun with red chilli flakes. My treat, and I’ll show you how to cook it properly.”

Act 2 (둘): Party Monster

You were still baffled by that ramen date you had with the one and only Kim Sunwoo the night before. Well, you wouldn’t exactly call it a “date”, but you had no idea how else to describe it properly. 

He was a lot different from how you imagined him to be—very upbeat, someone who loved to crack jokes every chance he got, and hilarious as hell. Honestly, you enjoyed your time with him at the convenience store. He definitely taught you the proper way to make Neoguri Ramyun, even though you insisted that you wanted Shin Ramyun the entire time or some Mala Oden instead. You just never got the hype for Neoguri Ramyun after the countless times that your roommate Flo has forced you to try them. 

But that all changed last night, and you were about to add this to your cart whenever you headed out to do your usual groceries every weekend. You had never seen someone talking about ramen so passionately as he did, and what’s more interesting was that this was coming from an idol, not some random dude you would meet on the streets.

However, you had to constantly argue with the man about not consuming too much of it, and it would be better for him to get some protein in his diet. He would just shrug you off and stand firm with his answer.

“Hey, I once read an article about an elderly man who survived for 50 years by just consuming Neoguri Ramyun. He’s my actual idol if you ask me,” Sunwoo argued. 

“Sure, you’re gonna get high cholesterol the next time I see you,” you spat right into his face. 

“Watch me, girlie. I will still be as fit as I was performing on stage tonight. Or hell, even buffer and healthier than I was before.” 

“You’re insufferable.” 

“And that’s why I get all the girls to like me, sweetheart.” 

That last line would constantly replay in your head, as much as you didn’t want it to. You knew he was just saying it as part of his demeanour, but you couldn’t help but reminisce on your past. 

Because that was what your ex always said, and it turns out those weren’t just empty words. 

You were brought back to reality when you realised you had been overfilling your mug with cold milk, which was now splattered across the dining table. Not wanting your roommate to wake up screaming at the top of her lungs at you, you quickly grabbed the nearest cloth to wipe away all the evidence, chugging down the liquid before you dashed right out the door. 

As you made your way to the local subway, you suddenly felt a ring within the inside pocket of your jacket. You waited until you had gone up the train before taking your phone out to see whatever it was. 

It was a text from Sunwoo. 

As if yesterday still felt like a dream for you, so many questions lingered in your mind about how exactly he got your number until you remembered that you both had swapped phones for a couple of hours before giving them back to their rightful owners. 

As soon as you read his first message, you couldn’t help but form a smile before texting one back eagerly.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: good morning, princess. how did you sleep last night? I’m sure that hot warm ramyun definitely gave you a well-rested night. y/n: as if. i had to use the bathroom multiple times this morning because of how spicy you made the broth to be. that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: shame, you don’t have a strong and capable immune system like i do y/n: shut your mouth, mister. or else I’ll report you to your managers about your disappearance last night.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: you wouldn’t 🥰 y/n: try me, bitch 😄 that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: feisty. this is why i like you. say, do you wanna catch up some time for dinner? my treat again, of course 😙 y/n: what makes you think that i would risk my life to go out with you in plain sight? unlike you, i clearly care about my job and i wouldn’t want to risk that.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: now that’s just rude. i was going to treat you to the newly opened Sheraton Hotel a few blocks away from the concert venue since i had extra vouchers. i guess not anymore- y/n: now why didn’t you say so earlier!! count me in im coming!! 😍 that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s what i like to hear. get yourself ready and send me your location later on, i’ll pick you up tonight at 8 😉

“What do you mean you’re going on a date with the actual Kim Sunwoo?!?!” 

Okay, on second thought. Maybe you shouldn’t have spilt the tea with your roommate just yet. 

“It’s not a date, Flo. He’s just treating me to a meal for returning his phone back to him,” you answered while digging through your wardrobe for what to wear for the night. 

“Umm, hello? The Sheraton Hotel? That’s a fancy place where people go for candlelight dinners! He’s clearly onto something.” 

“You read too many romance novels. There’s no way I’m getting involved in any of those fiascoes. I’m just there for the free food.” 

“Whatever you say, ma’am. You clearly want to impress the guy himself,” Flo pointed to the black slim-fit dress you picked and a sparkly cardigan to keep yourself warm. 

“Hey, what’s wrong with being all glammed up? After all, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this pumped,” you laughed before heading straight to your makeup desk to get started. “Besides, I think I’ve had enough moping episodes, and I’m ready to head back into the party scene.” 

“The party scene? Oh hell no, don’t tell me you’re going to bring Sunwoo to your favourite clubs-” 

You turned around to meet your roommate face to face while applying foundation with your beauty blender on your cheeks. “Why yes, darling, I’m going to do just that. I think it’ll be interesting to see if he can beat my alcohol tolerance.” 

“You’re just too much sometimes, Y/N. I don’t even know if that’s going to be a great idea, you know, after how that last one went-” 

“Flo, I assure you. I’m fine. I’m all over him. I’m no longer seeking a relationship; I just want to get out there and return to my safe space and have some fun.”

In return, your roommate could only sigh before walking back towards you. She grabbed your hairbrush right next to your makeup desk to start brushing out your hair before helping you style it with your curler. 

“Just promise me you won’t be crying in my arms again. I don’t wanna go through that hell of a phase you had back then,” Flo stressed, making sure that you listened carefully and that her words have gone straight into your mind. 

“I promise. My heart will be as hard as steel from now on.”

“You definitely don’t seem like the type of guy who would drive,” you commented as you sat comfortably in the passenger seat while Sunwoo rested one of his arms on the armrest and the other on the steering wheel.

“When will you stop looking down on me? I assure you that I have many hobbies and talents and excel in every single one of them,” Sunwoo pouted, which in return made you giggle. “I swear if I wasn’t driving right now, I would’ve charged right at you and taught you a lesson.”

“Like what? Tickle me? That’s so old-school, Kim.” 

“Whatever you say, Princess. But hey, thanks for accepting the offer. I knew you would be the perfect one for this little getaway I have during my free time.’ 

“I’m just here for the free food, sir. Nothing else.” 

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. Usually, people turn me down even if the food is luxurious and scrumptious; I’d like to think that you have some other motive-” 

“Look up at the road ahead and drive, Kim. You don’t even meet my standards in men, anyway,” you crossed your arms before extending your tongue out at him. 

“Damn, why did they even choose you to be part of the PR team? And I thought people who do events like you are a lot more friendlier and nice,” Sunwoo fired back. 

“I am friendly and nice to many people, but not to you, apparently,” you shrugged. 

“And how can I help change your mind about me?” 

“You can’t, and you won’t. Just hurry up and let me taste some luxurious seafood; I’m starving.” 

“Ungrateful.” 

“Not my fault that you’re flirty as hell. It just makes me want to drag you down some more.” 

With that, you both chuckled as the drive stopped before Sunwoo exited his vehicle, walked towards your side to help you open the door, and extended his hand to you. “We have arrived, Princess.” 

You gave him an eye-roll before resting your hands on his and stepping out of his vehicle. “You better be treating me to good food; otherwise, I will give you a rating of 1.5 out of 5 stars on Google reviews.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that, darling. I aim to please.”

You retracted everything you said about the male himself; he definitely knew all the ways to a woman’s heart.

He actually made an effort to pull the chair away from the table and escorted you to a seat before taking the napkin placed on the table and draping it over your thighs before going across to have a seat himself. He ordered the best champagne for the both of you, paired with an 8-course dinner, and you certainly felt like it was your birthday. 

No man has treated you this way before, not even your ex. 

Another difference about Sunwoo was that he was willing to ask more about you and actually tried to listen to everything you had to say. He was the complete opposite of your ex—he presented himself well, knew how to read the room so as not to push the question further if it made either one of you uncomfortable, and always made sure to check up on you. 

He insisted that you give a proper review for each meal, for he would give feedback to the chef behind the meal planning and prep. Sunwoo often visited the hotel, after all, since the company would usually be hosting any sort of private events here, and all of the staff felt like home to him. 

At one point, he noticed a little stain on the corners of your lips, and he instantly took his napkin and leaned forward to wipe it away by instinct. This little action made you blush, and your cheeks turned pink to red within seconds. Sunwoo, being the man he was, had to point it out, making you feel much more embarrassed than before. 

Throughout the night, he would often call you pretty and cute, and each time, you would try to brush it off and think nothing much of it, but you just seemed to fail horribly each time. 

You won’t deny that he looked absolutely stunning compared to wearing a hoodie at the convenience store the night before. He made an effort to style himself tonight; his hair gelled and parted to the sides, and he wore this black suit with some hints of sparkle throughout the fit. 

This is definitely not the look of a guitarist from a band—he looked way too good for that. In fact, he could definitely pass as an idol or actor, and he was certainly on par with the top good-looking models you have previously worked with.

You were not planning to tell him that; his ego was already too much for you to handle, and you certainly wouldn’t be surviving his teases if he found out what you thought about him. Instead, you hastily chomped away your food and the dessert that finally came and suggested that you wanted to bring him to one of the clubs you often frequented back then. 

Sunwoo was reluctant, and you could see in his eyes that he was contemplating whether to go. That action intrigued you, and you couldn’t help but comment on it.

“Why? Are you afraid to drink? Or do you have horrible alcohol tolerance?” You smirked as you crossed your arms together. 

“Neither. Let’s go.” 

His response seemed slightly colder than usual, and he was up and ready to pay the bills before exiting the hotel. You quickly trailed behind and guided him to the club a few blocks from the hotel. You reassured him that nobody would bother him at the club since most people are just there to have fun, and usually, half of them are just busy making out with one another or tipsy. 

After going through the identification at the entrance, you guided him down to the section where you often stayed for the night. It was much quieter than the others around the area, and there was a little bar at the corners for those who preferred to chat while having a drink.

You offered to pay for Sunwoo’s this time and handed him a long island cocktail to fuel him for the night. Instead of drinking it immediately, Sunwoo spun the glass around with his hand, swirling his drink while staring at it. 

On the other hand, you chugged down your beverage almost immediately, and only then did you notice how Sunwoo seemed a lot quieter now. In fact, this is the most quiet he has been ever since you’ve met him. 

“Long Island is not suited for your taste, sir?” You joked before ordering another cup from the bartender. 

“No…it’s just…I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to drink tonight, Y/N.” 

That was the first time he actually called out your name. 

As the alcohol slowly enters your system, the tipsiness begins kicking in, and you are getting high at this point. Most importantly, you wanted to tease him more now. 

“Aww, a star like you can’t handle a little cocktail? Guess you’re not what everyone seems to label you as then~” you purred before leaning in close to taunt him. 

With that, Sunwoo finally looked into your eyes, and you noticed how they were slowly turning black before he chugged the entire cocktail down his throat. It took him a while to swallow everything and open his eyes, and when he finally did, he grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the nearest bathroom stall before pining you up against the door. 

You were startled by the sudden move he made, but the alcohol was just not making you rational at this point, and you just wanted to taunt him even more. “What is it now? You’re going to teach me a lesson? Mr Kim?” 

“Oh hell yes I am, Y/N.” 

With that, he was now holding both of your wrists with one hand before the other snakes down to touch your body before resting it on your waist. Sunwoo then leans forward to the point that both of your lips are now mere inches apart. 

“You’re going to regret making me consume alcohol for the night, Miss Y/N.”

Act 3 (셋): Rockin’

You were woken up with the sun blaring onto your face and the birds chirping outside the windows. You began rubbing your eyes until you felt something draped over your body. 

A blanket? 

Instantly, you jolted up and looked around your surroundings. You have no idea where exactly you were, and this was definitely not your apartment. Frantically, you looked around to take in as much information as possible, just in case you needed to report to the authorities. 

Okay…there’s a white curtain, a fireplace, a laptop-

“Ouch!” 

You suddenly felt something cold come into contact with your cheeks, and you quickly darted your attention towards whatever it was. That was when you looked up to see the familiar man holding a glass of ice water toward your cheeks. He immediately let go the moment you grabbed the cup into your hands. 

“Drink that. You need it,” Sunwoo replied before walking across the room to pick up your clothing tossed on the floor. 

Oh my god. 

You quickly placed the glass water on the nightstand before lifting the blankets to see if you were wearing anything underneath. 

“Calm down, princess. I have not stooped that low to do the nasty with a woman I just met. I had to help change your clothes into something a lot more comfortable because there’s no way you’re sleeping comfortably with that tight dress for the entire night.” 

So that was what happened. 

“B-But still! You changed my clothing without my consent-”

“And leave you all dirtied with splatters of alcohol all over that dress and then sleep in MY bed? Very unlikely and not gentleman at all.” 

You were not convinced just yet. “T-Then, you slept beside me the entire night!?”

“I slept on the couch in the living room, obviously. You basically had my bedroom for the entire night, a solid 8 hours, to be exact.” 

As soon as you took every information in, you plopped straight down onto the pillow, burying your face with your hands. You couldn’t believe your return to the party scene led you back to Sunwoo’s apartment. You had promised yourself and Flo that nothing would happen and that you knew how to stop before things proceeded further. 

Guess all of that effort went straight down the drain. 

“Look, I…I’m so sorry I’ve caused you so much trouble. I swear, none of this was my intention; it’s just the alcohol, and I was desperate and-”

“Oh, I know. Baby.” 

Just when you opened your eyes, Sunwoo was now sitting at the edge of the bed and very close to you. By instinct, you retreated and moved towards the side, but that only made Sunwoo come closer and eventually rest his fingers on your chin. 

“Whatever happened last night? Will stay between us, Y/N. Frankly, I did enjoy my time with you. I think it would be nice if you could attend the parties that I will be hosting from now on. I’m sure you’ll be a great addition to the party scene.”

It took a few seconds for you to process that thought, and you blinked as a response to that. Seeing that you were too stunned to speak, he decided to press on. 

“I’ll drop you back to your apartment in an hour, so get dressed and take a warm shower in my bathroom, hmm? I’ll be waiting outside in the living room.” 

Once he was done, he stood up before heading straight to turn the doorknob, leaving you alone to pull yourself together and get ready before it was time to go. Right before closing the door, he decided to add one more crucial detail that he had left out. 

“By the way, your lips tasted exactly like my favourite strawberry lip gloss that I often apply whenever I go up to perform on stage.”

“You did what!?” Flo was screaming right at the top of her lungs this time, not caring about all of the stares you both had been getting for the past 10 minutes since you arrived at the cafe before spilling the tea with her. 

“Look, nothing happened. He just happened to take care of me and made sure that I was safe-”

“Nothing happened!? How can you be so sure? Who knows, he might’ve touched you while you were asleep-” 

You grabbed her shoulders to calm her down. “Flo. Nothing. Happened.” 

Your roommate immediately swatted your hands away and crossed her arms as she laid back on the bench, giving you an immense side-eye while she was at it. “Either way, you broke your promise. You said you were going to be responsible, but look at what you did!” 

At times like this, you just wanted to vanish from the depths of the earth as you knew your roommate always had this motherly figure between the two of you. Ever since you moved out from your little hometown on the outskirts of Seoul, Flo was the one who managed to guide you around and became your roommate in the blink of an eye. 

She had moved in a week before you did, and originally the tenant wouldn’t let anyone enter the properties anymore. But you were desperate at the time, as you needed a space to live in as soon as possible before starting the following week, and Flo was the one who managed to talk it out with the tenant to give you a room. 

It has been a year, and you both managed to fit right into your studio apartment, becoming much closer than you thought you would. After all, Flo had made a pact with your childhood friends, who have always looked out for you throughout your time back home, ensuring you were always in good hands no matter where you went. 

“I think I’m going to have to report to Lyla and Bella,” Flo huffed before taking out her phone. She was about to make the call before you managed to stop her right there. 

“Do not. Call them over trivial matters like this. I do not need them to be on the train to Seoul right now,” you warned. 

“Clearly, you did not know how to limit boundaries, Miss Y/N. You said you were not looking for a relationship, then why did you even make out with the Kim Sunwoo in the club?” 

“Can you just- not say his name out loud,” you hissed. “Look, we were both drunk; it was just a one-night thing, okay? That’s not going to happen anymore. Hell, I’m even pissed at myself for falling for the guy so easily like that.” 

“Well, you should be. You have a lot of things to work on, young lady.”

“Okay, but first of all, can you just stop being mad at me?” 

“Not until you have learnt your lesson. No more boys and no more kissing. And most importantly.” Flo now stood up and cupped both of your cheeks with her hands. “No more alcohol. Understood?”

You sighed. “I’ll bake matcha cookies with you when we get back.”

Instantly, Flo let go of her hands before sitting back down and giving you a devilish smile. “Now, that’s more like it.”

Nothing much happened after that, and your phone has been unusually silent over the past week. There hasn’t been much going on at work either, so you have been working remotely and having much more time to yourself. 

You would laze around the apartment a little too much, but you were glad you could sit back and relax for a bit. All you had to do was respond to some work emails, and that was it. Most of the time, you would spend your time baking with Flo (because she insists) or just going through the list of shows you have meant to catch up on Netflix. 

Just as you were done clocking out for the week, your supervisor informed the entire department that you would continue working remotely the following week and would only be back in the office in a fortnight. 

Ever since that conversation with Flo back at the cafe, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to return to your hometown to visit your family and friends. You only need to bring your laptop back, and you can work remotely instead. With that, you quickly stood up, took out one of your smaller luggage and began sorting out the clothes you would bring back. 

That is until an unexpected message came through.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: hey princess, just checking up on you  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝 : how have you been feeling?

Really? A text from Sunwoo after a week of not saying anything? 

You honestly were just planning to leave him on read, but something within you said that you should give him a reply; he, in fact, was concerned about your well-being. 

You could definitely trust this guy. Right?

y/n: been good, burying myself with work.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s unfortunate. but if you do happen to be free tomorrow night… 👀 y/n: whatever are you planning this time, Sunwoo that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: just the usual parties at Eric’s villa. you’ll come, won’t you? 

Tomorrow. But you were planning to head back to your hometown. 

Now you were in a dilemma; you know that you have only known this guy a little shy of just one week, yet there was this prominent mutual attraction between you two—at least, you wanted to think of it that way. 

But were you ready to ditch your friends and family over this guy? Over a party where you could potentially get drunk once again and make questionable decisions that you were certain you would regret later on? 

You contemplated asking Flo to help you choose, but given that she did not take your last encounter with the male well, it’s probably not a very good idea at this point. You could flip a coin and respectfully choose the side you’ve assigned the decision to, but why go through the lengths of all that? 

It was either a yes or no, simple as that. Yet, you were pacing around the room, scratching your head while at it, until one more text came from the man himself.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: y/n, you there? don’t leave me on read 🙁

Argh, goddamit we ball.

y/n: pick me up tomorrow, the usual.

“Damn, I had no idea your bandmate Eric was this rich,” you commented before taking a sip of your mocktail that you took at the entrance.

Yes. Mocktail. You weren’t ready to go down the same path you had in the previous encounter you had with Sunwoo. 

“Boy grew up rich, alright. He has one villa back in the States, too.” 

“And I assume all of you have been there?”

“Oh, we often stay there for a couple of nights whenever we’re in Los Angeles. I say it's a win-win situation, given that we have free accommodations. Besides, his mum has taken a liking to us all, particularly me.” Sunwoo nudges your shoulders as he says that last sentence. 

“Don’t be stupid. You look horrendous,” you spat.

“Now, that’s not what you said to me the other day, Princess.” 

You were baffled. “Huh? What did I say?”

“Oh, darling. You said many things when we were making out. You were pretty much a very vocal one at that, too,” he grinned before taking a sip of his drink, but you couldn’t just let this slip away easily. “Ow! Why did you pinch my arm for!” 

You pulled his shirt down so that you could whisper into his ear. “You’re going to have to tell me what exactly happened that day, and it stays between us and only us.” 

“Seems like girlie couldn’t remember a single detail from that night after all, hmm?” Sunwoo smirked before he took a strand of your hair and intertwined it around his finger. 

Again, you swatted his hands away. “Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. Tell me everything right now; I need to know for the sake of my well-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Sunwoo immediately pulled you down onto one of the empty sun loungers scattered throughout the pool area, and little did you realise that you had just landed on his lap. 

“Stop wasting all of the unnecessary energy, Y/N. We’re here tonight just to relax and party, hmm? That heated make-out session is history. What matters is you’re here with me,” he cooed. 

Oh hell, this is going to be a long night indeed.

Act 4 (넷): Secrets

It definitely took you a while to break free from Kim Sunwoo’s arms. At one point, you were both just chatting—well, more likely bickering, and then the next thing that happened was the both of you got pulled towards the pool table located at the side of the outdoor swimming pool area where the boys and several other girls were playing beer pong. 

Eventually, you gave in and represented your team in a couple of rounds, only having to drink once or twice as compared to Sunwoo. He was a mess by the time the game got around to the tenth round, and he had his arm over you and slowly laid his head on the crook of your neck. 

It was fairly common as you saw the other boys and girls around you doing the same thing; people were just having fun, and a little skinship could do no harm. 

After some time, you decided that you needed some alone time and retreated into the house, where you found a cosy couch just to sit back and relax a little. Everyone was still in the outdoor area, with only a handful of people chilling and just talking with one another around the living space, so you didn’t really mind it at all. 

Slowly sipping your drink, you decided just to take in everything that had happened back in the past week. You were back in the party scene again, back to drinking (which you’ve definitely missed), and you actually felt that your life was lit up again after so long. 

It took you a while to get over your ex, and that previous relationship ruined you so badly that you couldn’t even drink or go to a club for quite some time. To think that you had met Sunwoo through one of the events you were part of, trading back each other’s phones just because you were the one who mistakenly took his, and then getting close with him until you were now part of the band’s social scene? It was wild. 

Suddenly, you felt a little thump as someone made their way to take a seat next to you, and you realised who it was the moment he brushed his hair back with his hands. 

“You must be Y/N? Sunwoo has talked a lot about you,” he lifted his glass of whiskey to prompt you to do a little cheer before taking a good sip of his beverage. 

“Thanks for letting me come tonight; I really appreciate it,” you responded politely to the male. 

“Oh no, thank you for coming, actually. Without you, our recent concert wouldn’t have been a huge success as it was.”

You chuckled. “You’re joking. All of your concerts do great all the time, Eric.” 

“Not always. There are usually a few seats left empty in our previous one. But this? We have been told that all seats were sold out in nearly ten minutes before the website crashed. You and your team made it happen, Y/N.”

You weren’t too sure if it was because of the alcohol or if it was getting a little too stuffy in the house, but you could only respond by giving him a little nod before downing your drink to ease the awkwardness. 

You didn’t seem to have to worry much because Eric was a sociable guy. He would come up with random topics that could keep you busy throughout the night, and frankly, you enjoyed yapping about every single one of them, and he did just the same. 

Before you knew it, laughter began filling the room, and it was from both of you (mostly Eric because he is one loud fellow). At one point, you laughed so much that tears had formed within the corners of your eyes, and Eric had to pull the nearby tissue box to hand them to you. 

“Oh my god, you can be a stand-up comedian, Sohn.” 

“I’ve been told multiple times if only the members would acknowledge that,” he pouts. 

“They don’t? How could they?” 

“You tell me! Clearly, they don’t know how to appreciate LA humour in the slightest. But now I’ve found someone who does,” he points his glass again at you to indicate another cheer before the two of you drink your beverages. “Say, Y/N. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot your shot, mister. I’m prepared for anything, even if it means I will be laughing my ass off until tomorrow morning,” you replied confidently, thinking that he was about to pull another lame joke. 

Only this time, he was going to press on something serious instead. 

“What are your thoughts about Sunwoo? Be honest with me.” 

Huh? Why are we shifting the topic back to Sunwoo? 

“I…umm…he’s just a guy, I guess. I don’t know him well enough to determine that much yet,” you answered bluntly, hoping it was enough to give him a satisfactory answer. 

It took Eric a little while to respond properly before you eventually caught him staring right at your collarbone, causing you to touch the very spot he was eyeing at. “Umm…is something wrong?” 

“No, not at all. But listen to me very carefully, Y/N. You will be needing this.” 

Immediately, Eric gently pulled you closer so he could whisper into your ear, ensuring that the coast was clear and nobody was around to eavesdrop before muttering those words that caused you to linger in your mind for the entire night. 

“Whatever you do, do not get yourself involved in Sunwoo’s affairs. Stay as far away as you can from him.” 

Just like that, Eric was up and ready to excuse himself as he had to tend to the other guests. He gave you one final smile accompanied by a single wave before he headed towards the exit. Right before he left, you could catch something he muttered softly under his breath, something you wished you hadn’t heard. 

“Kim Sunwoo, I guess you are still the very same bastard just as you were back then.”

It has been a couple of weeks since you were invited to the party at Eric’s villa in central Seoul. As much as you tried your best to ignore the warnings Eric had told you about Sunwoo, you couldn’t help but constantly think about it throughout the entire day.

Sure, Sunwoo was a flirt—but he wouldn’t go as far as to harm you physically or emotionally. 

In fact, you have been in close contact with the man himself almost every weekend. The band was off-season for a little while, which meant he would be back in Seoul during the weekends, as his schedules were free. Hence, he had a lot of time to bring you around Seoul and to all of his favourite restaurants that he frequented either as a celebrity or where he often went during his trainee days.

He has built up a reputation for himself, and all of the owners of the restaurants near his old dormitory with the members treated him like their own son. At times, certain owners would even treat him to a free meal, so that basically meant you were getting a free ride, too, since you were his acquaintance.

You just couldn’t seem to fathom that a guy like Sunwoo was someone comparable to your ex. 

Your ex has done multiple things in the past which made you feel like an outcast for a while. You stopped going to parties, being the sociable fairy you once were, and hell, even let yourself get close to a man ever again. 

Your previous relationship traumatised you to the point that you needed a break from everything and everyone, including your best friends and family. 

That was why you fled to Seoul—you wanted a new life, a new beginning, and a little escape from everyone for a little while. The moment you received a call back from your current agency about hiring you to be part of their PR team, you were astounded. You have always loved meeting new people and wanted to do everything you could to help them until your ex-boyfriend changed everything.

It just so happened that your encounter with The Boyz was meant to have several chapters down the line. Usually, you would work with a group or artist until the day of the concert or event, and then you would return to your normal routine. There were no meet-ups or getting close to the celebrities or their acquaintances. You’d like to think that it was fate that you had become close mutual friends with The Boyz. 

Until that fateful night when Eric warned you about Sunwoo. 

You couldn’t believe it, or rather, you didn’t want to believe that. 

All you wanted was to have someone like Sunwoo come into your life again—to drag you out of your shell and back to where you truly belong. 

That is until a phone call came from your best friend. 

“Y/N. I think I’ve found something that should piqued your interest,” Lyla announced on the phone.

Act 5 (다섯): All I Know

It seemed that the days of relaxation had ended when the band finally received some sample songs for their upcoming album. As the group's lead songwriter, Sunwoo was already in the studio at 3 a.m., going through each one with his team of producers. 

When it came to his job, Sunwoo poured his whole heart and soul into them, and he can be very meticulous when selecting the song that would suit the team best. He was cautious and ensured that each member had time to shine and portray their unique skills throughout the song. 

This is also a time when he would be the hardest to contact if there ever was a situation in which someone needed his presence as soon as possible. Technically, he would always leave his phone on silent mode throughout the day but opt for the do-not-disturb mode when in the studio. He just disliked it when he got interrupted during his train of thought while in his creative mindset. 

But hunger would never escape him, and his tummy began making growling noises. Then, he finally checked his phone for the very first time since he stepped into the studio. It was already 9:30 in the morning, and he hadn’t had any food since 6 p.m. the day before. 

If he wanted to get back on his feet, he obviously had to do something to satisfy the grumbling noises that would soon fill the entire studio if he had left it just there and then. So he quickly took his hoodie and was off to the nearest convenience store near the company. 

As usual, he walked straight towards the ramen aisle and quickly grabbed his favourite Neoguri Ramyun, which had to be the spiciest one. To top it off with a beverage, he went straight to the freezer box to grab an ice cup and paired it with his favourite chocolate milk drink that came in a packet, which he would then empty the continents into the cup itself after purchase. 

He was going to walk straight to the cashier until your voice suddenly rang in his head. 

The hell do you survive on just ramen all the time? Add on some healthier carbs, will you? 

Just like that, he turned his heels back towards the aisle and grabbed an onigiri that looked pretty decent enough to pair with his noodles and coffee.

There. I’ve added rice. It’s more than enough. He replied mentally towards your voice. 

Usually, he would bring his so-called “breakfast” back to the studio and eat while working, but he decided that it wouldn’t hurt just to sit down and chill in the store while admiring the clear blue skies for the day. It had been raining for the past few days so it was nice to get a little sunlight in a while. 

As he chomped down on his food, he just couldn’t stop thinking about that very first time when you both had met back at the store that was located near the concert venue and how you were doubting his ability to actually make an ordinary cup of ramen taste just as good as Sunwoo acclaimed to be all the time. 

“What, you’re just adding chopped green jalapeno and sesame seeds. That doesn’t make a difference,” you argued, having done the same with the noodles at your apartment. 

“Not just any jalapeno and sesame seeds, it has to be the one that specifically comes with this spiciest addition that you can request at your local convenience store for the add-on,” he proclaimed while throwing all of the ingredients together before mixing it up well with the wooden chopsticks. 

Still unconvinced, you gave him an immense side-eye as he pushed the cup of ramen to you and insisted that you try it. You reluctantly took a few strands of noodles with the chopsticks and started chewing until you stopped halfway, which made Sunwoo lean in close to reply with a grin. 

“See, told ya.” 

It really did make a difference. It turned out that Sunwoo was serious about this whole Neoguri Ramyun business he was running. He had always insisted that the people around him had to cook the noodles the same exact way as he did, or else they would be better off thrown into the trash. 

“Honestly, I should’ve become a ramen connoisseur instead of a guitarist. I would’ve made loads of money from this alone. Hell, I think Neoguri should even hire me as their ambassador.”

“Nah, you don’t have the looks to be plastered across Neoguri advertisement boards. Heck, I don’t think I would wanna consume a cup ramen with your face on the packaging.”

“Hello? We just met and were having a good conversation together?” Sunwoo protested. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m usually pretty blunt and straightforward with my words.” 

“Ouch. You’re a monster.” 

“I’ve been told,” you stuck your tongue out at the male. 

That conversation would often bring a smile back onto Sunwoo’s face. It was the way you could be savage for one second, and the next thing that happened was you were slurping away the noodles that he had just made for you (note: the noodles that he deemed were far beyond perfection). 

Just like you thought that it was fate for Sunwoo to have entered your life, he did the same, too. 

It had been a long time since he had found someone who could connect with him, be on the same level as he did, and even tolerate his flirtatious remarks and behaviour. Most importantly, it had been a while since he had gotten this close to a girl. 

Like everyone else, Sunwoo had a past that wasn’t of the best to be on his history books. He had been through many things, more like things that he wasn’t too proud of. All he wanted was to cherish his time with you and to let go of the things that have haunted him in the past. He would take it if it meant being with you could bring him temporary happiness. 

And that he would ensure that you would never find out about the Kim Sunwoo of the past.

You couldn’t believe it when your friend Lyla had just dumped all the information towards you on just one FaceTime call. 

It all started a couple of weeks back when you first got her to find out more about Sunwoo, especially ever since you just couldn’t fathom the thought of why his name sounded so familiar to you. 

Even after all of the dates and parties you both had been to, nothing alarming stood out from the guy, and he was a normal celebrity who just wanted to have some fun. Yet, there was something at the back of your mind that just knew there must be something about the guy.

Something mysterious, but harmless. 

However, after that video call with Lyla, you couldn’t be so sure anymore. 

Instantly, you texted the Sunwoo and said that you needed to see him as soon as possible because you needed answers.

Desperately. 

y/n: hey…do you happen to be free for the night? can we meet? that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: never would I have expected for you to text me firsthand…are you finally taking my love proposal into consideration 😘 y/n: sunwoo…not right now please, i just need to see you.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: wait. y/n you’re not like yourself. did something happened? are you okay?  y/n: we’ll talk more when we meet. please that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: i have a schedule tonight, but i can totally meet you at Han River if that’s okay with you y/n: deal. I’ll see you then.

Given that you were out of town for work earlier in the day, you glanced at your watch to see that it was already 6 in the evening. Hastily, you excused yourself from the little afternoon date you were having with your co-workers and quickly took the subway to return to Seoul to meet Sunwoo. 

The usual 45-minute train ride back felt like an eternity. You had no idea why you were so nervous, anxious and even terrified about the ordeal. You were still trying your best to take in everything Lyla had said over the call, but you refused to believe that everything—all of the memories you had made with the man himself until now—had all been a facade. 

Why go through to this extent? Was everything had been a lie all this while? Were you just a pawn in his games?

The moment you stepped out of the train, your legs guided you straight to where you were supposed to meet. At this point, you were running on autopilot, and you felt that your energy and consciousness were slowly drifting away from you.

By the time you reached the stairs up to the bridge, you lay your eyes upon the familiar figure who was already there. Though, he wasn’t alone. 

As you closed in your distance with him, you had just picked up one sentence from the conversation—one that was more than enough to confirm all of the doubts and fears you’ve had up to this point. 

She’s just another one of the girls. 

“Y-You meant what you said?” You squeaked, and that was enough to make both men turn their heads towards you. 

Instantly, tears began streaming down your face as you turned your heel and started running in the opposite direction, not caring if he was chasing and screaming your name out loud in the middle of the night. 

I’m done with men.

Act 6 (여섯): True Colors

If you talked about being one’s soulmate, Eric Sohn knew that best when finding the right friend with whom you can connect on a whole different level. The word “soulmate” meant a lot to him—someone who is more than just a friend, one that the universe has just seemed to create specially just for you. 

Sunwoo and Eric go all the way back to their trainee days when they were both training to become idols instead of a band. They clicked right off the bat, and the first thing they did was sneak out in the middle of the night to get some ramen at their local convenience store.

They have got in so much trouble together in the past, to the point that they had to be placed in detention by their managers and company staff multiple times, but that was all the joy and fun with that for the both of them. 

Eric had always wanted a brother, and so did Sunwoo. Even though they weren’t related by blood, their chemistry was incomparable to the others in the company. They did everything together—songwriting, sharing their meals together when they had barely enough to survive, and even taking the late-night buses to travel to another town or city during their breaks. 

Eventually, they decided that being in a band would better suit them as idols, and they did everything they could with the little amount of cash in their pockets and left. Of course, it came as a shocker to everyone, be it from their family members or friends or even to the company since they would potentially debut in their next upcoming new boy group. But both of them knew that there was a much better place and opportunity for them. 

They have spent countless of days sleeping in the local parks or subways, each taking turns to look out for one another while job hunting in the local restaurants or cafes while they were at it to earn some cash. Eventually, both of them bought their very own instruments from a second-hand store and started busking on the streets. 

Nobody knew how to appreciate their music at the beginning, but their hard work has definitely paid off in the long run. They never once gave up, eventually earning ten and hundreds of pedestrians who would stop by to enjoy the music while giving them some tips. 

At the same time, they ventured around Seoul to find similar members who were willing to share the same dream and passion as they did, and that was when they encountered the rest of the members. With Kevin's help (since he had some contacts within the music industry), they were able to sign with their current company and eventually debut as a successful band.

Since both Eric and Sunwoo had already been on the internet for quite some time before debuting, they already have garnered enough fans to start off fresh and strong, which earned them their very first win on the local music awards show that very same year.

Years passed, and they were now one of Seoul's biggest and most successful boy bands. Eventually, their words spread out, reaching almost every entity in South Korea. They had everything, and there was nothing to lose. 

But there was one thing that constantly bothered the man himself: Sunwoo’s past. 

When it comes to romance, Eric often takes it seriously, and frankly, he knows best about it. Both Eric and Sunwoo had something in common: they were flirtatious as hell, and they knew how to get the girls. But there was a significant difference between them: Eric knew when to draw the line.

Given his profession, getting into a serious relationship meant trouble for his career and company. If he really wanted to find love, he would definitely have waited for the right moment to do so because he knew that both personal and business relations should not co-exist in the same duration. 

Sure, he knew how to satisfy a woman, but he would never stoop as low as to play with their feelings. He always loved being fully transparent about them, which has always worked out for him. 

However, Sunwoo didn’t, which frustrated his friend all the time.

Eric knew about his past with his ex—it made him the way he was when it came to romance. He couldn’t blame Sunwoo after all of the traumatic experiences He had gone through, especially when he did not deserve any of those in the slightest. But yet, it angers the male, and he has been trying to do something to help him get over it for years. 

It just so happened that you had to come into the picture. 

Eric and the rest of the band thought nothing much about your “encounter” with Sunwoo; they often brushed it off as a silly and hilarious experience because you accidentally took his phone instead of yours. However, things changed when Sunwoo started hanging out with you more often and even invited you to their parties. 

There was nothing wrong with you joining their scene, but it was how Eric noticed how Sunwoo had been treating you. 

Just like he did to all of the previous girls. 

Though, Eric knew that you were different to all of the other girls who had gotten involved with Sunwoo in the past. You seemed a lot more mature and outgoing, and you were never afraid to voice your honest yet brutal opinions about the guy—which is also why the band had taken quite a liking towards you. 

Unfortunately for the previous girls, they wanted to get close with the band—specifically towards Sunwoo—and get involved with all of the games he was about to pull. That was why many of them seemingly fell too easily into his traps and manipulation. 

Because of that, Eric wasn’t ready to see a pure and humble girl like you crumble down. As his best friend, he was going to try his best to make things right. 

To make sure that history wasn’t going to repeat itself.

“Alright boys, let’s take it from the top!” Sunwoo announced, after going through with everyone about their latest hit, that they would make it into their latest album. 

They had been in the studio since noon, rehearsing nonstop. They insisted that they would push through to get this new album out for their third anniversary. They wanted to try out a whole new concept this time—something that portrayed all those years they had been through as trainees. 

This new track, Hurt Me Less, is all about the end of a previous relationship and the beginning of a new one. 

As the co-writer of the song, Eric himself found it ironic that Sunwoo decided to use this as the title track, given that he knew exactly how Sunwoo had treated all the girls in the past, including you.

So many things went through his mind when he first heard it and he was allowed to co-write it with him. Was this Sunwoo’s way of finally acknowledging his past mistakes and that he was ready to move on and see romantic relationships from a different perspective? 

Eric had wanted to confront his friend for the longest time, but it just wasn’t the right timing to do so—especially when the both of them often get caught up with work, and nothing else would come to mind when they’re in the studio. 

Since they finally had a little time before their next schedule later at night, Eric decided to take Sunwoo to Han River for a little stroll and perhaps finally get a glimpse of his friend’s thoughts after so long. 

“Don’t you miss it?” Eric nudged his friend's shoulder as they walked through the river. This used to be their favourite place to escape from reality, after all, in their earlier days. 

“The hell are you being so sentimental today? I’m pretty sure you have got something up your sleeves to call me out like that,” Sunwoo spat. 

Apparently, that angered Eric, and he quickly slapped his friend in the arm. “Can’t we just go back to the good old times and take things slowly for a bit? We have been so busy preparing for the new album lately and haven’t gotten much time to hang out like we used to.” 

“Sure, but it’s finally our third anniversary, and I really want to make it special this time,” Sunwoo chuckled as he buried both hands in his jacket. 

Since Sunwoo has touched on the topic of interest, it was time for Eric to get to the point gradually. “Say, about this new song and album…what inspired you to choose this theme?” 

His friend thought about it for a while and gave an open-ended answer. “Nothing much. I just felt it would be nice to do something different. After all, music is all about experimenting with different genres.” 

“Are you sure it’s just that?” 

That was enough to make Sunwoo stop in his tracks as he narrowed his eyes towards his friend. “Youngjae-ah, what exactly are you trying to fish out from me?” 

Eric knew that whenever Sunwoo used his birth name, the conversation would turn 180 degrees as there would be no room for any jokes or mischievous acts. The gig was up, and he knew he had to speak out his deepest thoughts. 

“Sunwoo. I’m going to ask you a question, and you’ll have to answer me truthfully.” Eric then walks up to his friend, grabs hold of his shoulder and takes in a deep breath before he poses his question. “This whole new album…the title track…are any of these meant to be about your past?” 

“Or more specifically, about Y/N?”

That was enough to make Sunwoo widen his eyes and stare deeply into his friend’s. Given that his response was merely a sigh and lowering his head, he probably knew this would happen sooner or later. Eric knew Sunwoo best, after all. 

“What exactly have you deduced this time, Mr Holmes?” Sunwoo mocked. 

“Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. I need to know the truth.” 

“Why? Are you interested in Y/N?” He scoffed, and that was enough to make Eric’s blood boil. 

“No. But I do not like how you’re dragging her into your unnecessary mess, just like you did with all the other girls.” 

Now, that was when Sunwoo was the one who got all worked up, and he immediately pushed his friend away roughly. Rage began to overtake his way of thinking logically, and he was now balling up his fists while trying his best to contain himself. 

“We don’t talk about that.”

“Well, we have to! Sunwoo, you need to stop running away from your problems and face them head-on. You’ll never overcome your fears if you live like this daily!” Eric raised his voice, and Sunwoo returned the favour by grabbing onto his collar. 

“It’s not your life. You have no rights or say so based on what I have experienced in the past. So I suggest you shut your mouth before making me do something I regret.” 

“Fine by me. If that’s what your true colours are. If only Y/N is here to see you in this state-” 

“The hell are you bringing up Y/N again in all of this? Why do you care?” 

“Because you’re in love with her, you goddamn idiot!” 

That was enough for Sunwoo to let go of his friend’s collar finally, and he began pacing around while ruffling his hair in frustration. 

“So I was right,” Eric panted. 

“T-That’s not true. I don’t have feelings for Y/N.”

“How can you be so sure? Your actions have proved otherwise these past several weeks, Sunwoo. Stop lying to yourself.” 

“Never. Romance and dating no longer exist in my books. She’s just another one of the girls.” 

With that, Eric suddenly gulped before he directed his attention to something, or rather, someone that was now behind his friend. 

“Y-You meant what you said?” 

Oh god, this was now much more messed up than it should’ve been. 

Before either of them could have a say in all of these, you instantly turned your heel towards the opposite direction. You began sprinting away, not even caring when Sunwoo was screaming for you and about to dash towards your direction. 

Until Eric gripped onto his wrists forcefully and yanked his friend back. 

“You scumbag.” That was all he said until Eric tried his best to keep up with you. 

Kim Sunwoo, what an actual jerk you are.

Act 7 (일곱): Love To Lay

Sunwoo couldn’t remember when was the last time he actually got proper sleep without having to rely on his sleeping pills. It wasn’t by choice; rather, it’s something he has been struggling with for over a year now. 

Being obsessed with shoujo mangas, there’s no doubt he absolutely enjoys romance novels and films, which was also one of the reasons he could click on Eric so well. They would often have book or film talk sessions after practice, discussing the latest trend and evaluating the way the characters proposed to one another in their respective ways. 

Also, being a social butterfly himself, he had been on the party scene for years now, and there was no doubt he had gotten a good handful of female friends he would often hang out with his group of friends in the past. 

Which was also where he met his first and only girlfriend, Miyeon. 

Miyeon was known as the beauty queen of the town, as the locals would dub her. She was well respected in the community as she was at the top of her class and often participated in volunteer work during her semester breaks from university. 

It was ironic to see a top student visit a club during the late weekday nights. Still, Sunwoo figured that everyone would eventually venture into the party scene at least once in their lifetime, no matter how good their upbringing was. It was part of youth, after all. 

It all started with them having a little conversation, followed by a bit of alcohol in their system, and then straight onto the dance floor before they ended up with a little makeout session at one of the stalls. It was Sunwoo’s first relationship, and he thought the pace they were going for was pretty reasonable. 

Miyeon was everything to him, and he would work around his tight-knit schedule to spend as much time as he could with her—even if that meant he would be getting less sleep or rest after a show. 

After all, he had never found someone who came as close as she did. They had the same interests and hobbies and could talk about any topic for hours on his couch. Miyeon would often come over to stay at Sunwoo’s apartment since it was much more convenient for them both. 

She even had a set of her own clothing, skincare and up to having her makeup products at his place. She was pretty much treating his place like her second home, and Sunwoo was completely fine with that. 

They even talked about getting engaged once, and Sunwoo was ecstatic about the thought, and he couldn’t stop giving her cuddles and kisses that day. Ever since then, he started working tirelessly to get the engagement ring that he’d had his eyes on for a while, and he knew that it would suit Miyeon’s taste.

However, Miyeon started getting a lot busier not long after as she had recently changed her job, and she wasn’t able to meet up with Sunwoo as often anymore. Hence, their dates slowly dropped down to having three to only once per week, or sometimes only meeting each other just once a fortnight. 

As much as Sunwoo was worried that she was working way too hard she should, there was no reason to doubt her since she always excelled at everything that she had done. She was still texting Sunwoo every day without fail on Kakao, so everything was under control. 

At least, that was what Sunwoo thought. 

Since it was going to be her birthday soon and he finally had gotten his first paycheck after a successful first The Boyz concert, he was able to use that to get his hands on the engagement ring that he had asked the shopkeepers to keep for him for a couple of months now. 

Eagerly, he walked out of the store with the blue Tiffany & Co. bag in his hands as he made his way towards her apartment to surprise her. 

Until he focused his attention on the couple on the other side of the road. 

The couple both held ice cream in their hands as they played around with the dessert playfully, taking some with their fingers and smearing it across each other’s noses. They were also laughing and having a lot of fun—way too much fun, actually. 

At least, Miyeon was. 

Sunwoo wasn’t sure how he would confront Miyeon about it—in fact, he couldn’t. Sure, he was confused as hell, but the thought of Miyeon potentially having an affair outside this relationship seemed unlikely. He couldn’t fathom the thought of her doing that, and he refused to believe it and was convinced that it must be a sick joke. 

That night, Sunwoo tried his best to make everything seem normal as he entered Miyeon’s apartment. Miyeon was showering him with kisses and telling him all about how she was sorry for being late as she was out shopping for ingredients for their sukiyaki dinner date. 

Lies. 

At that point, they hadn’t seen each other for two weeks, and Miyeon went on and on about how she was away for a business trip and had just returned to Seoul that evening. It was hard for her to hail a cab as they were all pretty much booked until she needed to contact one of her colleagues to give her a ride back into the city and return home. 

Lies. 

After that, they had a little movie night and spent much time cuddling on the couch. It would’ve been a lie to say Sunwoo didn’t miss her scent. He just couldn’t help but rest his nose into her soft brunette hair and savour as much of the scent he had loved so deeply over the past year of their relationship. 

“I miss your scent too, Sunwoo. It’s been hell without having you beside me for weeks,” Miyeon sulked as she hugged Sunwoo tighter. 

Lies. 

Even as they went to sleep that night in Miyeon’s room, Sunwoo could clearly feel a distance between the two. Miyeon was sleeping on her side, so her back was facing him. As much as he wanted to touch her, to carry and hold her in his arms, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

We are just strangers in a bed. 

Sunwoo went on like this for a month, ignoring all of the red flags that he had been getting and seeing for the past several weeks—he kept convincing himself that he was living in a horrible nightmare and it would soon be over. 

As Miyeon started getting busier again with her “work,” Sunwoo returned to focus more on his career. Ultimately, this was a huge failure, as his performance started deteriorating horribly, to the point that it was affecting the other members in the group. 

Every time the members confronted him about it, Sunwoo just shrugged it off, saying that he hadn’t gotten much sleep because of their busy schedule. However, they knew deep down that something was very much off, and Eric was determined to find out exactly what had happened. 

One night after their pre-recording at Music Bank, Sunwoo went out for a little walk around the area, and Eric followed behind discreetly. It didn’t even take Sunwoo more than five minutes until he had come to a halt, and Eric did exactly the same until his eyes travelled along where Sunwoo had landed.

Miyeon was accepting what seemed like an engagement ring from the very same guy Sunwoo had his eyes on the other day. 

Rage instantly filled him, and this time, he couldn’t help but confront them straight ahead. He desperately had hoped that Miyeon would feel a little remorse or at least appear shocked to see that her boyfriend had caught her red-handed. After all, Sunwoo just wanted answers as he wasn’t in the mood to make this a huge deal. 

But apparently, Miyeon didn’t think of that in the same way. 

The heated conversation between the two of them would always come to haunt Sunwoo, and he would never forget about all of the things Miyeon had just spat right into his face back then. 

Love is just a pretend. 

Your love for me is crazy. 

You’ll never be the right one for me. 

Since that day, Sunwoo’s hatred for romance has constantly grown, and he often has a couple of outbursts, especially when he is alone in his apartment. How couldn’t he? Especially when Miyeon’s stuff was scattered all throughout his comfort space. 

To make matters worse, Miyeon even had the guts to contact Sunwoo after all that she had done to make him return all of her things that were still left in his apartment. 

Did Sunwoo do just that?

Absolutely not. 

He got rid of every item she owned— throwing them into the trash or burning them in his fireplace. Anger would always accompany him whenever he did so, and it frustrated him that Miyeon would betray him like that.

It was then that Sunwoo decided that romance was just total bullshit and there would never be such a thing of true love for him. He blocked her number and deleted everything that reminded him about her. 

Sunwoo felt like he was on autopilot for the first couple of months, and he would just go out to the nightclubs every day and pick up every girl he could find and tease them a little. Eventually, when the girls started having feelings for him, he would run away before anything further than that could happen. 

Love was like a game for him now, and it didn’t matter if he would break those girls' hearts. All he wanted was to feel the thrill of being loved and wanted, and if he had gotten what he needed, then that was fine by him.

He couldn’t face rejection again. What happened with him and Miyeon has left a deep scar within him, and he’ll never be able to fix it. He has learned it the hard way from that breakup. 

Until you came into the picture. 

It was definitely the first time someone mistook their phone as theirs and accidentally took his instead. He found it amusing, and he absolutely found your reaction back during the first encounter hilarious. He genuinely just enjoyed your company that night. 

But there was something different about you—you weren’t like all the other girls he had encountered at the nightclubs. You were just so pure and genuine, and you didn’t want him just for his flirtatious demeanour and good looks. You were savage as hell, and you always spoke the truth and made him laugh. 

It has been a while since someone could put Sunwoo back into his place. 

That’s why he couldn’t bear the thought of doing the nasty when you brought him to the club that night. He knew that the moment he got a sip of alcohol into his system, he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself back from doing something he was going to regret.

Miraculously, he did. He was able to stop himself before things got too far. The both of you only had a heated makeout session before Sunwoo finally grabbed your wrist and stopped you in your tracks. He had no choice but to drag you all the way back into his vehicle before driving off to his apartment. 

As much as he wanted to bring you straight back home, you were already sleeping so soundly on the way back, and he knew that he was definitely going to get killed by your roommate if she saw her friend in this state. Ultimately, he did what he thought was best—taking you back into his apartment and helping you change into much more comfortable clothing before tucking you into bed. 

Sunwoo slept on the couch next to his bed that night, and he couldn’t stop looking in your direction as you tossed and turned around all night. It was clear to him that you were having a horrible nightmare, and you kept mumbling incoherent words as you began sweating profoundly. 

He had enough and decided to get up and sit right next to you, and that was when he heard your words loud and clear. 

“Please don’t hurt me…I’ve done nothing wrong…Don’t leave me…” 

Instantly, you grabbed his wrist and hugged it tightly as you adjusted your sleeping position towards him. Sunwoo had no idea why that made him go all soft for you, and he instantly began rubbing away the tears from your eyes and leaned down to give a little peck on your forehead. 

He wished he could’ve done something to relieve your pain and that he would snuggle with you to bed if that would have made it a lot better for you to sleep soundly for the night.

But he knew that once the sun rises the next day, he would go back to being the playboy Kim Sunwoo that the public had labelled him to be.

You’re in love with her.

Those words pierced right through Sunwoo’s heart every single time his mind flashed back to that night when Eric confronted him right before you came.

He hasn’t spoken to his good friend since, and it has been close to a week now. Sunwoo decided to call in sick for the week, and the rest of the members went on with rehearsals without him—he wasn’t in the right mindset to put on his idol persona anyway. 

The couch right next to his fireplace was his go-to for the past week, and Sunwoo would just sit there for hours staring into the flames, thinking about those words that his friend had said right to his face that day. 

It was as if those were the words that needed to be said straight to his face, for he knew that his relationship with yours meant something—a lot more compared to all of the other girls that he had gotten involved with in the past. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, you were slowly breaking down his steel heart, which had been sealed shut for years. Little did you know that you were slowly healing his broken heart day by day. Sunwoo adored everything about you, and you were constantly on his mind throughout the day. 

You have officially taken over his mind; everything he does daily reminds him of you. 

But Sunwoo just couldn’t admit that out loud. After he had sworn that he was done with romance, he couldn't. 

However, Sunwoo had been sitting at his fireplace for days, and he kept thinking throughout the day and night. 

What if you were the key to fixing him? 

What if you were finally the one who would make him realise it’s okay to fall in love again? 

What if…you were the right one that was meant to be with him?

With that, Sunwoo leaned back against his couch with his hands covering his eyes as he grunted for the hundredth time of the day.

Stop messing things up, you good-for-nothing idiot.

Act 8 (여덟): A Lonely Night

You couldn’t recall when was the last time you actually got a proper meal. Ever since that day when you overhead the conversation between Sunwoo and Eric, you were dashing straight towards the streets, not caring if people were giving you weird looks in the slightest. 

You quickly hail a taxi and give the driver your apartment address—you just don’t have the strength to take public transport anymore in your current state. 

The moment you opened your front door, your roommate was already expecting your return, with her arms crossed and feet tapping the ground. However, her expression softened when she saw that you were an absolute wreck in your current state. She immediately opened her arms wide, and you quickly slipped into her embrace and started crying again. 

It hurts so much, and you don’t know why exactly that is. 

Sunwoo was just a casual friend. You were both hanging out a lot more often these days, and he just so happened to be the very first man after your ex to have treated you exactly the way a woman should be treated. That was it, and there wasn’t much more to add to that. 

But deep down, you were expecting—no, hoping—that perhaps there was something a little bit more to that. 

Maybe you’re the one who was insane for thinking that way. 

He was a celebrity, and you are just a girl working in PR who happened to be able to work with renowned artists many times. 

There was absolutely no way that there could’ve been something more to that. 

You quickly wiped away your tears as you slowly pushed Flo away, trying your best to muster up whatever strength you had left within you to talk before your tears were about to flow again for the hundredth time tonight. 

“Flo…I just…I wanna go back,” you sniffled. 

With a sigh, your roommate began rubbing your back to comfort you. “I know. But rest up first for the night. Maybe I’ll make you some chamomile tea with extra boba to calm you down while we watch a little bit of Netflix? I’ll help you pack tomorrow morning, and we’ll call Lyla and Bella.” 

You chuckled. “What would I ever do without you?”

“By the way, I’m not doing all of these for free. You better get me VIP tickets to your next upcoming show with whoever celeb that you’re going to be working with.” 

“Deal.”

“Alright, let’s go have some girls’ night, shall we?” Flo gently flicked your forehead before dragging you into the living room. 

You couldn’t recall when you last enjoyed the countryside view from the train. 

You usually take the subway within Seoul, but it’s been a while since you took the train that goes from one province to another—especially where you grew up. 

Leaving Busan a year ago was a huge step for you, especially since you have always lived with your friends and family—basically being in your own comfort zone. You loved everything here, and there wasn’t much reason to move since Busan practically had almost everything Seoul had. 

The nightlife here was how you’ve always loved—going out to clubs while you knew almost everyone in your little town on the outskirts of Busan, and everyone just looked out for each other often. 

However, after the way things ended with your ex, you needed some time and space alone and thought that perhaps a location change would benefit you. The past year has been amazing in the city, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’ll never give you the comfort you loved best when you were back home.

And that was something you desperately needed right now. 

As soon as the train came to a halt and you stepped out of the vehicle, you quickly dashed right through the door and into both of your friends’ arms—they had been expecting your arrival since this morning. 

It’s been a while since you had spent time with both Lyla and Bella, so the three of you took the time to walk slowly back to the countryside while dragging your luggage behind you. As soon as they helped you settle down in your old home, the three of you quickly dashed out of the house to get a quick bite of local food down at the town centre. 

The three of you had fun browsing from store to store and filling your stomachs to the brink of possibly throwing up everything you had just consumed. You would constantly laugh at one another about how Lyla and Bella would look silly with ice cream smeared all over their mouths, and they would fight back when you accidentally got Malatang all over your shirt. 

These were the kinds of bickering that you’ve missed so badly. Sure, you always bicker with Flo, but both Lyla and Bella were the OGs constantly coming for your neck. You’re still holding onto the hope of bringing Flo to visit your childhood best friends someday. 

Now that the three of you had your own flavours of churros in hand, you decided to take a little stroll at the nearby park right before exiting the town and returning to the countryside. As soon as you found a comfortable bench that was more than enough for the three of you to take a break, Lyla was the first to start the conversation you have been dreading talking about since coming back.

But you knew that you couldn’t hide much from them any more; they knew all of the details by now (thanks to Flo, who would constantly keep them updated) and were this close to heading straight to Seoul with their pots and pans to head straight up to Sunwoo’s apartment to give him a lesson. 

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you guys. It all happened, and he just so happened to be the same as my ex,” you shrugged as you took a bite of your churros. 

“Men are all the same; they suck,” Lyla commented with her mouth full. 

“Trust that I’m tying him up and throwing him straight into the Egyptian river if we ever cross paths with one another,” Bella threatened as she pointed her churros straight into your face. 

“But wait…didn’t you mention that they were preparing for an upcoming comeback?” Lyla asked. 

You sighed. “That’s the problem. And I am again part of the PR team's line-up.”

“Damn. That’s brutal,” Bella spat. 

“It sure is,” you replied. 

“Well, what are you going to do about it then?” Lyla asked. 

You contemplated for a little while before telling your friends about your decision: “I am thinking of quitting the company.” 

Immediately, both Lyla and Bella shot up from their seats, not caring if the whipped cream on their churros fell straight down to the ground. Frustration was slowly creeping up to them and you were stunned by their reaction—you had no clue why they would be mad about your decision. 

“What do you mean you want to leave? You do know that means that you’ll never get to meet celebrities any more-”

“That’s not the point, Lyla. Look, Y/N. I don’t want to jinx anything, but you’re treating this issue as running away again, just like you did with your ex. You know, escaping from your problems will never help you to put a proper closure to them.” 

You hated the fact how much that truth hurt—it almost felt like you were being stabbed with a bunch of needles all at once. As much as you wanted to face them properly, you couldn’t. You couldn’t bear the thought of going through all the pain once again, and you wanted to omit all of the horrible outcomes that could potentially happen after all this. 

You also didn’t know how to feel about Sunwoo. Clearly, it wasn’t his fault for saying what he did back at Han River. Celebrities are not meant to date as to adhere to their company rules. If they did, they would get into big trouble, and you would be partly to blame. 

But why did that matter to you so much? 

Why did those words sting as hell? 

Most importantly, why did it matter to you anyway?

As you took a deep breath, you finally stood up and threw your leftover churros into the bin before placing both hands on each side of your friends’ shoulders. 

“Look, I appreciate both of you constantly looking out for me, even in different cities for work. Frankly, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore, and I will venture out to find something much more fitting for my current well-being. Let’s just go home now, hmm?” 

Both Lyla and Bella could only soften their eyes as they looked at you, who was close to shedding tears again. They could only pull you in for a hug before taking you back to your home and giving you some time to rest up since you have been out all day since you stepped down from the train. 

Your parents were away visiting some family members, so you had the entire house to yourself. You were used to being alone, and you enjoyed some peace and quiet occasionally, but it all just felt too eerily quiet. 

The emotions were creeping back to you, and you hated how you were slowly becoming overwhelmed with them again. 

Everything you saw reminded you about Sunwoo—how you both would sit together on his couch to watch anime, the way the leftover instant ramen in the kitchen reminded you about your little convenience store dates and how you slept in his bed when you were passed out drunk. 

As much as you tried your best to get him out of your head, you couldn’t.

And you hated that so much. 

Just as you are about to turn to sleep on your side, your phone lights up on your nightstand, so you extend your hands to check the notification that you have received.

managing director: Lads, be ready for our online briefing tomorrow at 10 a.m. on Zoom about The Boyz's upcoming showcase. 

Frustration began to consume your thoughts, and you just threw your phone onto the other side of the bed before burying your face into your pillow, screaming into it and wishing that you could quickly escape from this horrible nightmare. 

Kim Sunwoo, this is all your fault.

Miles apart back in the heart of Seoul, Sunwoo was once again staring at his ceiling as he lay down on his bed. There was nothing much that he could’ve done other than thinking about you wherever he went. With that, the bed was nowhere near as good as his fireplace, especially when he was the one who tucked you into his bed when you were drunk. 

Sunwoo hasn’t come up with a conclusion after all that thinking at his fireplace throughout the week, and it frustrates him that he doesn’t really know how to feel about all of this. 

Actually, scratch that. He clearly knows how he feels about you, but he refuses to admit it out loud. 

The only thing that has been helping Sunwoo to cope is that he would feel inspired to write songs about his emotions, and he did exactly just did right before hopping into bed.

The music score was situated right on his nightstand, and he groaned before taking it quickly and sat up to read the lyrics that he had just written down an hour ago.

Better when we’re both apart.  We’re no good for each other.  A lonely night, Baby girl, I loved you on a lonely night.  It was the only time If I led you on I apologize. How can I make you rethink your decision?

That made Sunwoo’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know that he wrote all of these the hour before—it was as if he was on autopilot, and he clearly wrote down his deepest thoughts about the whole situation.

I loved her? Did I really just write that down? 

Sunwoo kept staring at those three words, and he was now sitting frozen in bed, thinking that if that was really what he had been meaning to say out loud for so long. 

Without thinking much, he quickly grabbed his phone and began frantically searching up about something. 

Or rather, your location. 

He needed to get this off his chest, and he needed to talk to you right now. If he doesn’t, this will continue to haunt him for months, and he wasn’t going to be his best self any more. 

Immediately, he jumped right out of bed and rummaged through his wardrobe to take whatever he needed for the little short trip he was going on for a while.

He didn’t care if his manager would lecture him about skipping the morning rehearsals and meetings—it was the most important thing to him right now. 

Even if that meant he would be miles away from Seoul, he would get his message straight and clear to you this time.

Act 9 (아홉): Nothing Without You

If it hadn’t been for Lyla and Bella calling you nonstop for thirty minutes, you would’ve been in big trouble and missed out on your online meeting with your colleagues. 

You did your best to stay focused during the meeting—jotting down all the information required to run the show successfully in three days. It was a lot to take in, and all of you were expected to perform your very best, considering that this would be a rather crucial showcase for the artist, and many important figures from the industry would also be there. 

It seemed as if their company decided to go all out to make sure that the showcase was going to be as grand as possible, and the only thing you could assume was that they had to keep up with the image that they had painted in the industry and continue to keep their artist’s popularity at its best. 

Certain things did frustrate you a little, and so many questions ran through your mind as you questioned their company's decisions. But you were just someone who works in PR, and all you had to do was adhere to the rules and regulations and nothing else. 

After all, you decided you would quit after this one last show. 

The moment the meeting was over, and you decided to shut your laptop down, you could briefly hear some muffled noises coming from your front porch. You were confused as hell since you weren’t expecting any visitors for the day. Other than that, you told your friends that you would only be available during the night for some get-together at dinner since you needed some time alone in the afternoon to sort out the upcoming event. 

Curiously, you slowly stepped to your front door before pulling the sliding door apart, only to see that both Lyla and Bella were far from your house. It seemed as if they were arguing about something…or rather, with someone.

Now, you were more concerned than before. The only person who could get both your friends this riled up was your ex, and that confrontation between them did not go down well the last time it happened—which was also the last time you saw him.

As far as you know, your ex was long gone from your village, and he had moved all the way to Jeju to settle down with his new fiancé. So, who exactly could it be this time? 

“Guys, what did I say about having a heated argument in front of my house-” 

You were about to break your friends up from the commotion until all three of them turned back to look straight at you. 

And you were certainly not expecting the one in the middle of your friends to be here at all.

“S-Sunwoo?” 

“N-No! Y/N, you must be real tired from the meeting, hmm? Why don’t I take you inside to get some ice-cream that’s left in your freezer? Yeah, let’s do exactly that!” Lyla began panicking as she tried to lure you away from the scene, but she should’ve known how persistent you could be and that you were already breaking free from her grasp. 

Neither of you could say anything and just stared at one another for a good ten seconds. However, your friends definitely did not take the situation well, and they were not ready to see you cry your eyes out for the hundredth time. 

“You don’t belong here, Kim. I say you should leave, and don’t you even dare try anything stupid,” Bella hissed. 

“Look, I’m going to leave, that is after I talk to Y/N-”

“What is there to talk about? Was hurting her not enough for you? You men truly are scumbags-” 

“Lyla, enough.” 

Your response was short and simple, but it was enough to make everyone stop what they were doing and divert their attention towards you. You slowly walked up to Sunwoo and gently grabbed his shirt to gesture to him to walk in the other direction. 

“Leave us alone for a couple of minutes. I believe there’s a long-overdue conversation that both of us must get out of the way for weeks. I won’t take long, I promise.” 

With that, you excused yourself and tugged Sunwoo’s tee to walk him through your neighbourhood and slowly towards the park where you often hung out with your friends. Neither of you could start the conversation, and it was just pure silence throughout the ten-minute walk from your house. 

However, Sunwoo figured food was the best option to start the conversation. Thankfully, there was a convenience store near the park, and the two of you quickly went in to grab a little snack to break the ice between you hopefully. 

He went for his Neoguri Ramyeon as usual, and you decided a little matcha latte would do the trick. You don’t think that you’re able to stomach anything for now, just in case you will cry once again and could potentially throw up everything you had just consumed. 

As much as you detested that he once again paid for everything, you reluctantly accepted the offer and quietly held your warm cup of beverage in hand as you both sat down at the bench in the park, keeping a distance from one another. 

All you could do was stare down at the lid of the latte, your fingers tapping on the hot cup while trying your best to calm your emotions down. Sunwoo was busy slurping away his noodles, and it was slowly starting to annoy you slightly. 

“You still have the appetite to eat?” You scoffed. 

“Look, I had to get last-minute tickets for the earliest train from Seoul to Busan. Be grateful that at least I’ve arrived on time,” Sunwoo protested while stuffing his mouth with the noodles. 

You wished you could respond to his sarcasm the way you usually would, but it seemed that the enthusiasm you once had for all that was now long gone, and you could only clear your throat in response. 

Sunwoo was now clearly reading the atmosphere, and he swallowed the last bite of his noodles before tossing the cup into the trash bin beside him. Instantly, he placed both hands together and began rubbing them nervously as he leaned down to look at the ground. 

“Y/N, I…I’ve been such a jerk to you after everything we have been through. It’s unfair for you, and I have been deceiving myself after all these years.”

That last line caught you off guard. “Excuse me?” 

“I once had a girl whom I loved so much that my world revolved around her. She was my everything, and I wouldn’t hesitate to drop whatever I was doing to be with her and to make her the happiest girl in the world. But betrayal and lust are definitely not planned in the books, and they are truly the most unpleasant things that happen to someone in life.” 

You knew those two words very well. After all, you were also a victim once. 

“She…did unthinkable things, which has made me the person I am today. I ignored it long enough, thinking it was fine to continue living like this. That is, until I met you,” Sunwoo’s voice softened at that last line, and he finally lifted his head to look straight into your eyes. 

“Y/N. You showed me what true friendship is, and I fell in love with how you could always be so pure and honest with your feelings and emotions. You made me realise that what I have been doing wasn’t just hurting and deceiving others and myself. I can’t live on like this, and I desperately want to change.” 

Sunwoo took one of your hands and intertwined his fingers with yours, giving you this soft puppy look to show his sincerity.

“Y/N. I need you. Will you please accept this offer?” 

You were too stunned to give him a proper response. You were certain that you probably spent a minute just staring at him before you felt that your cheeks were suddenly wet to the touch, and that’s when you realised that tears were streaming down your face again.

Sure, you have expected Sunwoo to travel all this way to see you and to talk things out, but you weren’t expecting a confession from the male himself. 

Relief swept over you, and all the worries troubling you were gone. Unfortunately, the heartbreak was far stronger than the latter, and you don’t have the room or strength to go through the turmoil again. 

With that, you gently pushed his hands away and stood up from the bench, wiping your tears away before turning your heel in the opposite direction. 

“Maybe you should’ve thought all that through before placing the nail in the coffin.”

Act 10 (열): Die For You

Coming back to Seoul was a lot harder than you expected it to be. You were this close to potentially ditching your final job and just calling in sick, but you knew it wouldn’t be ideal, and you had promised to work together with your team for one last time. 

After dropping by the office to hand in your resignation letter, you made your way towards the concert hall and went straight to work without having a proper break before everything. It was all fine by you; after all, getting yourself occupied was the very least you could do to keep your mind off things for a while. 

However, you underestimated the workload you would deal with, as their showcase this time seemed a lot more complex than the ones you were used to. There were a few mishaps here and there, but that didn’t stop you from continuing your task. 

T-minus 12 hours more till I’m done with all of these. 

Having that as a constant reminder has proven to be a lot more helpful than before, and slowly, your motivation was coming back to finishing up things as quickly and detailed as you could before the showcase was about to begin. 

Journalists and newscasters flocked to the venue first, and your PR team had to deal with them firsthand. It wasn’t too bad, as talking to people has always been your forte. Just like that, it was time for the fans to enter the hall slowly. Soon enough, you and your team headed backstage to help the artists and other staff prepare for the show. 

The band members slowly stepped out one by one and started putting on their in-ear pieces and getting their instruments ready. Of course, Sunwoo still had that same puppy-doe-eyed look as he had the day before back in Busan. 

He was constantly trying his best to grab your attention—giving you a hiss or a little wave, but you had no desire to return those to him. Instead, you flat-out ignored the guy and constantly got yourself busy by going around to each station to check with the other staff. 

It wasn’t long before the members were scheduled to go up on stage, and Sunwoo gave you one final look and mouthed something towards you before taking that step up to greet the fans. 

Watch me. 

You could only sigh and cross your arms as you watched from backstage as The Boyz first greeted all of their fans and the reporters before positioning their instruments to prepare for the first opening act. They started with their title track, Hurt Me Less, and soon followed it with a few more tracks from the album before having a little Q&A session with the fans.

Finally, they ended the showcase by performing one last song before all of the members walked up to the front of the stage and bowed towards the audience. One by one, each member was exiting the stage and started to take off their in-ear pieces. 

That is, all except for Sunwoo.

He stood frozen for a few seconds on stage, and immediately, whispers filled the hall, thinking that everything was alright with the artist himself. 

Not for long, Sunwoo lifted his head and walked back to the centre of the stage—adjusting his microphone and slinging his guitar on his shoulders again.

Obviously, everyone backstage started panicking and tried their best to get Sunwoo off the stage, as it was not going according to the schedule. You, too, were trying to hiss at the male to get his attention, call it a night, and end the performance right there and there.

But it seemed the male had something in mind, and he wouldn’t budge. 

Instead, he turned to look straight at you and gave you a little smile before diverting his attention towards the crowd once again.

“I apologise for the sudden change of plans, but this is something that I have been meaning to do for a while now. You see, we performed all seven tracks in our latest album, but one hidden track has not yet been released to the public. So here I am tonight, revealing the hidden track to all of my precious fans, but most importantly, to a special someone.” 

Just then, Sunwoo began strumming his guitar and started playing the song's tune. As he slowly finished the intro and was just about to start singing the lyrics, he turned to look straight at you and smiled at you as he mumbled a few more words. 

“This song is specially written and dedicated to you.” I'm findin' ways to articulate the feelin' I'm goin' through I just can't say I don't love you (Yeah) 'Cause I love you, yeah It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold But tonight, I'm gon' let you know Let me tell the truth Baby, let me tell the truth, yeah

No. That can’t be.

You know what I'm thinkin', see it in your eyes You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry You're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night I'm scared that I'll miss you, happens every time I don't want this feelin', I can't afford love I try to find a reason to pull us apart It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect And I know that you're worth it I can't walk away, oh

“W-What…What are you trying to tell me, Sunwoo?” You choked on your words.

Even though we're goin' through it And it makes you feel alone Just know that I would die for you Baby, I would die for you, yeah The distance and the time between us It'll never change my mind 'cause Baby, I would die for you Baby, I would die for you, yeah

As he finishes the first half of the song, Sunwoo takes some time to strum his guitar, letting the audience follow along with the rhythm as he takes a deep breath before making another speech. 

“These lyrics…I have been thinking about them for a while now. These feelings have haunted me for weeks, and now I know I must convey them properly to the special someone,” Sunwoo spoke softly before he continued with the second half of the song.

You had no idea why that was the last blow before tears began streaming down your face uncontrollably, and you dashed right through the exit, not caring that your co-workers were calling you from behind. 

You continued running through the night, not caring where you’d end up; you just needed some time to be alone and let out all the feelings you had been bottling for so long. 

Eventually, you ended up back at Han River, and you immediately went to the nearest bench and lay there helplessly. Your emotions were far stronger than your ability to think logically right now, and you just wanted to cry out loud for as long as you could. 

You have no idea how long has passed since then, but you were pretty sure that you had at least cried for half an hour before you dozed off. By the time you woke up, you felt that the rock-solid bench suddenly felt way too soft and comfortable. 

And how warm it was. 

It was then you realised that you weren’t just lying on the bench but rather on someone. 

“S-Sunwoo!?” You screamed as you realised that you had been lying down on his lap for God knows how long, and you quickly tried to sit back up, but the male decided to push you back down instead.

“Now I’m very heartbroken, Princess. How could you leave in the middle of the spectacular performance I’ve spent so long working on, especially for you?” He sulked. 

Those last words stung you again, and you lifted both of your hands to cover your face once more as you felt that you were about to cry again. But it seemed that Sunwoo wasn’t buying it this time, and he quickly grabbed both of your wrists to stop you. 

“Look at me, Y/N. Stop running away from me,” he commanded. 

“W-What makes you think I’d listen to you? You have done nothing but lie to me all this time. You hurt my feelings, and you treated me like one of the girls that you have always sought comfort from. You’re an idiot to think if you’d stand a fair chance-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Sunwoo sealed your lips with his and gently lifted your head slightly to make it easier for him to gain access. It’s been a while since you tasted his soft, plump lips, and you immediately softened up when you tasted that familiar strawberry lip gloss that you used the same one as he did.

As he slowly pulled away and placed you back onto his lap, he caressed your cheeks and wiped the remaining teardrops away. “Sorry that I was rough with you. It was the best thing I could think of to get a woman to stop crying.” 

“S-Sunwoo…I-”

“Y/N. Please. I need to hear your thoughts about how you truly feel about this. I know I’m the worst jerk alive and that me going to Busan to apologise to you wasn’t enough. Words aren’t my forte, so I conveyed my feelings through performing. But you have to know that whatever I’ve sung back there, those really are the words that I desperately wanted to get across all this time and that I’m done playing games.” 

Just then, he slowly moved his hands from your cheek to your lips and gently brushed against it. “Y/N, I can now confidently say that you mean a lot to me. You’re more than just a friend, a companion who eats Neoguri Ramyun with me all the time at the convenience store, and also the one who just happens to get me all the damn time.” 

With one final deep breath, he leans down again to plant a kiss on your forehead before muttering those simple words.

“Y/N, I’m in love with you.” 

It was so simple, yet captivating enough for you. 

You have so desperately wanted to hear those words from him—to know if it has helped you finally cleared all of your suspicions and doubts from the beginning. To the public, it was absurd for a commoner like you to fall in love with a celebrity and vice versa, but you were certain that those memories that you both have made weren’t just for show, and Sunwoo’s actions and words for the night have proven that enough to you. 

Nobody would’ve thought that a simple encounter between you both, exchanging your phones and meeting up at a convenience store to eat, would lead to the current situation that you both were in. 

Was it fate? Or just purely a coincidence? Neither of that matters to you right now. 

Instead, you snaked one of your hands back up to his neck and pulled him down to connect your lips with his again, taking your time to savour his sweet, plump lips truly. Sunwoo was initially taken aback, but he slowly blended in and began picking up his pace, his tongue swirling around yours. 

As soon as you both broke apart to get some air, you realised you had just returned the sneaky and flirtatious Sunwoo as he brushed his fingers on his lips and gave you a sly smirk. 

“You could’ve just told me you wanted me this bad,” Sunwoo hummed. 

“You’re sick in the head,” you replied as you finally sat back up. 

“So…I take it as a yes to my proposal?” Sunwoo grinned. 

“What proposal?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Frankly, I don’t.”

“Is that so? Maybe you want to reconnect your lips with mine again? Maybe it’ll then give you a better insight of what I was trying to tell you all along-”

“Your breath stinks,” you stuck your tongue out at him. 

“No, it doesn’t!” Sunwoo quickly lets out a breath onto his palm before sniffing it himself. “You liar! I just used my favourite citrus mouthwash before the show!” 

You immediately giggled at the sight, and Sunwoo was delighted to see you returning to the Y/N he knew. Just then, he places his arms over your shoulders and rests your head against his chest as you both take the time to admire the sky filled with dozens of stars. 

“Say, you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

“Hey, I’m still a model employee, okay? I quickly wrapped things up at the showcase before rushing to find you sleeping like a baby here.” 

“I’m not a baby,” you sulked.

“Your sleeping position says otherwise,” Sunwoo retorted as he shoved his phone right into your face, showing you a picture he had taken just seconds after he arrived to see you sleeping soundly on the bench. 

“Hey! Delete that right now!” You screamed as you tried your best to reach for his phone while he was retreating to make you fall right back into his arms again.”

“You’re a persistent one, aren’t you?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Kim Sunwoo. You’re insufferable.” 

“Be honest, you love me.”

“Only a fool would love a guy like you.”

“Oh, so you’re the fool now, then!”

Sunwoo immediately regrets saying those words as he earned a hard slap from you in return. “I’m leaving if you make one more flirtatious remark.” 

He then lifts his hands to show that he surrendered, and you give him a pout before resting your head back onto his chest again. As you finally take in everything that had happened today, a smile plasters across your face before you close your eyes and mumble the words you have wanted to say to him. 

“Thank you, Sunwoo. For giving me a chance to love again.” 

“Anything for you, my Princess,” Sunwoo replied before kissing your forehead again. “Neoguri Ramyun date again later?” 

“Does your life really have to revolve around Neoguri Ramyun on a daily basis?”

“Can’t blame me; that’s my daily energy source. But so that you know, I will be bringing you to a lot more dates from now on, and I’m never going to let you leave my side again. Be prepared for that, Y/N.” 

You scoffed. “Tempting. Add on a matcha-day only date to the books, too.”

With that, Sunwoo smiled at you and rubbed his nose against yours. “Consider it done.”

The sounds of the fire crackling were the only things that filled the room for the past half an hour, as Sunwoo spent the entire time writing whatever came to mind in his trusty, worn-out notebook in front of his fireplace. 

The Boyz’s latest album has proven to be their most successful comeback, and who would’ve thought that the hidden track was the most beloved song out of all of the songs from the album itself. 

It definitely wasn’t his intention for it to be more well-received than their title track. Still, the members were more than happy that they were getting the recognition nonetheless, and of course, with Sunwoo, who’s finally back on track and much happier. 

News immediately made headlines when the public found out that he has been seeing a non-celebrity, but both of you were thankful that his fans were supportive, and Sunwoo has managed to keep you out of the spotlight most of the time. 

It was crazy to think that a few months had passed since then, and you had decided to move in with Sunwoo for the past month. You’ve quit your PR job; instead, you are now working as his manager. 

You both have made it clear to establish personal and business relations and most of the time, everything works out. There are times when both of you have to give up one thing for the other, but you have never failed to talk things through and make it work.

Just as Sunwoo was deep in his creative mindset, his train of thought was cut off when you climbed into his lap and cuddled with your boyfriend.

“Seems like my kitten misses me a little bit too much, hmm?” 

“Don’t be stupid. You’re sitting on my couch, dumbass.” 

“Hey, this is my apartment; who said this couch belongs to you?”

“This couch was from my old apartment, so it’s mine,” you stuck your tongue out before trying to see what he was up to. “New song?”

“Yeah. Was feeling a little inspired,” Sunwoo hummed. 

With that, you could only look straight at his side profile and admire how he looked when working. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you have come to love the guitarist Kim Sunwoo. He always put in a hundred percent when he worked, inspiring you to do the same as his current manager.

“Care to share with me what the new song is all about?” You pinched his cheeks, but he gently pushed you away. “That’s not fair. I’m your manager, so I deserve to know.” 

“Now now, it’ll just ruin the fun if I tell you all about it now.”

“Fine then. No Neoguri Ramyun for you tonight,” you crossed your arms before he finally gave in and hugged you tightly.

“You can’t use my source of nutrition against me,” he sulked. 

“I can, and I will if you don’t tell me now.”

Sunwoo sighed. “Fine. It’s titled Starboy. I guess it gives a little glimpse into the current fame that I have gotten over the past several years.” 

As you took in what you had just heard from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but snort at his comment, earning a little smack on your shoulder. “How dare you mock me?”

“Nah, it’s nothing. I just think that it’s absurd that you want to write a song about that.”

“Yeah no, you’re looking down on me, Y/N. I’m going to make sure you-” 

Before he could finish his sentence, you cupped both cheeks and brought his lips to yours, giving him a kiss that made his heart beat ten times faster than it already was. He definitely did not expect a sudden move from you since he always initiated a kiss with you.

As you pulled apart from him, you gently laid your forehead against him, and you caressed his now red flushed cheeks. 

“Kim Sunwoo, you’re already and will forever be my Starboy.”

A/N: i def struggled writing this yes...but i hope i did it justice nontheless 😭

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @djidfk @daisyvisions @stealanity (join my permanent taglist here!)

[undercover-smutlover]

Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley…💀

main masterlist📌

*·˚Don’t forget to reblog, follow, like, and comment on the authors’ or artists’ pages. Show them some love!

*·˚Broken link or @? Pop a note in the comments or my ask box.

Works by @ghostsareeverywhereblah2

Guard Dogs Pt.1: “He’s even cuter in person”

Guard Dogs Pt.2: “She’s always listened, just not to you”

The Progeny Series: “Shit, Lt. Looks like you actually have a real admirer”

Grumpy x Sunshine: Who in the world can be in a relationship with Simon?

Works by @lethalchiralium

Delicate + König: You were glad you had them both, satisfying your needs

Raindrops: He’s trying to remember every moment

Works by @ghosts-cyphera

Bloodied Bullets, Soft Confessions: “I guess I’d been lucky so far.”

Pornstar Ghost:  All genuine, from both of you

Works by @peachesofteal

Dead Disco: The one that’s always left behind

Light On: Simon has a new neighbor

Through Me (The Flood): Still, even in this moment, you leave him breathless

Works by @lvrxly

Singledad!Ghost: "Eh, I kinda like your son more than you, he's less broody," You tease

An Odd Feeling:

Works by @chaosandmarigolds

Among the Bullets Ch.1 Pt.1, Ch.1 Pt.2, Ch.2 Pt.1 , Ch.2 Pt.2: “Adrenaline makes the body do some pretty insane things, sir.”

Pre-K Universe

Works by @tojisun

My Baby Swinging: Simon and his pretty little sweetheart’s adventures

The Apple that rolled over to The Tree

It Takes A Rampage (to be a dad)

HockeyPlayer!Simon

Works by @bi-writes

Final Girl

Pregnant!Reader Snapping at Simon

Clean Up Call

Works by @writersdrug

Training For Two

Tea and Cigarettes

Works by @halcyone-of-the-sea

Sole Survivor: “Who’s the guy with the mohawk?”

Digging Gaze: But he was afraid, as well. Terrified

Three Is A Crowd by @xyziiix: Well your Captain always like proving you wrong

Cherry by @barefoothighlander: Ghost finds out about your side gig

The Captain by @as-is-above-so-below: Ghost’s wife joins the team on an op agaisnt his wishes

Bleeding Out Pt.1, Bleeding Out Pt.2 and Bleeding Out Pt.3 by @constantcrisis19: A bomb almost levels the entire town. Ghost extracts you.

Oneshots & Multichapter and Price’s Birthday by @rileyslibrary: An entire collection of Simon Riley oneshots

The Things I Never Said Pt.1 and The Things I Never Said Pt.2 by @lvlyghost: When the inevitable happens, you run

Ghost in the Austrian Asylum by @prazinos: The two of you want him as well

Painless Bruises by @tacticaldiary: Avoiding Simon’s gaze is harder than it’s ever been

The Experiments by @diaryofanidiot: Forced to fight and claw her way to live

The Accused by @amoristt: You fucking ran. What choice did you have?

Badges of Honor by @clairdelunelove: Ghost always recieves the biggest stickers

King!Ghost x Princess!Reader by @hyperactively-me: Stubborn Princess who warms up to the King

Ghost x Civillian Masterlist by @sim0nril3y: How he met his civillian and fell in love

The Twins by @princessdimondheart: He saw his own eyes

How many fingers am I holding up by @sprout-fics: “Don’t hate me for this, Si.” You think weakly

Lime-Sized by @imperihoe-writes: Sighing happily, she wiggled a bit deeper into his embrace

Bodyguard!Simon x Popstar!Reader by @xo-cod: Simon looks on in pride

Phantom Frost Line by @diejager: You’re a new face, unknown to Ghost and he isn’t too keen about the news

Nothing’s New by @thewriterg: He held you like he always will and as he always had

Unmasked Love by @springtyme: she turns her head to look over at you with an excited expression on her little face

Welcome Home by @babygirl-riley: but when she was around wow, he would make sure everyone knew who she was

Odds On by @bits-and-babs: The smirk that had been threatening to break finally cracks across your lips at the confirmation of your victory

His Heart, His Light, His World by @thexsilentxwordsmith: "You deserve it all, Simon. Every once of it."

Unexpected by @dammn-dean: Simon felt a pang of something up his spine, similar to jealousy but close to disappointment in himself.

If Only You Would Have Trusted Me by @ltghosty: That was the only thing that helped you come to peace with the things you were forced to do in order to protect your family.

Husband!Simon by @ahqkas: he didn’t hesitate to scoop the smiling baby up into his arms

Glory Days by @sstormyskyesss: If you weren't focused on calculating the best strategy out of this particular setback, you’d be able to see the stars in Simon’s eyes

Simon Riley Collection by @starstruckmiraclekitty:

Cure For Me [zombie!ghost] by @groguspicklejar:

Who Wants to Live Forever by @writeforfandoms: Then his lips twitched. “Took you long enough.” 

Vegas Wedding by @ceilidho: When he stretches an arm up to scratch his upper back, you almost whimper at the way his arm bulges. 

Secret Haven by @lightwing-s: and the moment his eyes caught yours you could clearly understand his message.

Lovely by @daisies-daydreams: “Even though this isn’t on my finger while I’m at work, I’ll always act like it is,” you reassured him

Homeward Bound AU by @writeforfandoms: You spared a brief thought of thanks that your mother had taught you everything about this job. 

Firefighter!Simon Riley by @thelaisydazy: He loves the ones handed over the counter by the cute worker that smiles at him and fusses over the dog every morning.

Simon’s Favorite Hair by @lovifie: And in that moment, with your hair still in his hand, he knew he was in trouble.

Coffee Shop by @sinkovia: His life was good, and he couldn't ask for more

The Next of Kin by @soapybutt17: Many eyes had lingered on you when they heard your last name

Nurse by @jayybugg: Ghost stayed silent. His eyes stay trained on you, no words or sounds coming from him.

Gold Rush by @midnightarcheress

Soft Spot by @cordeliawhohung

Hatred For You Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5 by @mangowafflesss

Dad!Simon by @tacticalgirlboss

Accidental Sugar Baby Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3 by @brainoutofstock

Special Eye on Singlemom!Reader by @bi-writes

Meeting Single-mom!Reader by @zvdvdlvr

Russian Roulette by @writingangst

No More by @mayflysdie

Footballer Simon by @dante-mightdie

Transferrable Skills by @dragonnarrative-writes

implied fat!reader x bluecollar!simon riley by @drgnflyteabox

Was Warm by @eevee-of-eternity

Ghosting Series Pt.1, Pt.2 by @bittersw33t-lotus

Weird by @fivechapters

Beaded Bracelet by @manicrouge

The Poor Decision by @ceilidho

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[feelinmatcha]

❛ 𝐏𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐘 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ❜

DESCRIPTION: you don't want to celebrate your birthday, but perhaps your friend(?) will change that NOTE: reader is implied to be an older sister. angst to fluff. age mention?? but you can easily take it out!! CHARACTER(S): modern! sanji & zoro 🎵: the last time by taylor swift ft. gary lightbody

You wished you could care more about it. Truly. But birthdays stopped being special a long time ago. And now they felt like something you'd outgrown, like a shirt that once fit and no longer did.

When Nami asked about it over breakfast, her voice so casual as she asked when you'd be celebrating, it was like the entire room froze around you. The others were watching, forks paused mid-air, and you felt yourself retreat inward, pulling your arms around yourself as if you could make yourself disappear. "It doesn’t matter," you mumbled, but you could feel the weight of their stares even after you said it.

You tried to remember when you stopped caring, tried to pinpoint the exact year birthdays turned hollow. Maybe it was the year your parents stopped lighting candles and making cakes, reserving that fuss for your younger siblings, who still had reason to smile as they counted the candles. Or maybe it was the year your stepsister—just a few months older—received a thoughtful gift and the whole family gathered around her, while you spent the better part of your own day staring at the phone, waiting for your mom to call. She finally did, hours later, voice muffled by kitchen sounds, explaining that she’d been busy with pastry orders and barely managed a quick “Happy Birthday.”

And you wanted to be okay with it. You really did. You told yourself she was doing her best, that she had her own life, her own dreams, that maybe it was selfish to want more.

But later that night, alone in your room, you finally picked up the phone and left her a voicemail, your voice thick and breaking. “Hey, Mom. I tried calling you earlier. Guess you’re busy right now. Just wanted to tell you… remember that test I was stressing about? I got an eighty-one. Not perfect, but it’s something.”

You stared at the screen for a long time after hanging up, waiting for the pang to settle. Twenty-one years old, but somehow you felt twice that. You wondered if birthdays would feel different if you’d already moved out, if you had your own house, your own kids. Maybe then she’d remember, maybe then she’d care.

The ache returned, and you swiped the back of your hand across your eyes, furious at yourself. Why couldn’t you be stronger? Why couldn’t you stop hoping?

Eventually, another year came around, and with it, the dreaded day. You were thankful Nami hadn’t brought it up again, not since that morning at breakfast. She must’ve seen the look in your eyes, the way your voice cracked just enough when you’d admitted you didn’t take pleasure in celebrating it anymore. She hadn’t pushed, and for that, you were grateful. For that, you felt a little less alone.

roronoa zoro

The kitchen lights buzzed to life, casting a warm glow over the counters stacked with groceries. A couple of tomatoes, three fresh baguettes, too many leafy greens for one person—all evidence of Sanji’s over-the-top attempt to “share” his food with Nami. You could almost hear him explaining it to her, claiming he’d bought too much for the week. But you knew better. You knew he’d counted on her taking it, on feeding her like she wouldn’t feed herself, and the thought made you grin, sifting through the bags with a growing smile.

“Eggplant, garlic, rosemary,” you muttered, almost impressed by how thoughtful it all was. Everything was fresh, carefully chosen, perfect for the recipes he’d probably rattled off to Nami before he left. But still, the faint lingering scent of his cologne—the one he seemed to think was charming but always hit your nose like a cloud of spiced ash—hung in the air.

You set a bottle of olive oil on the counter, catching your reflection in the glass. There was something about today, the weight of it pressing a little harder as you remembered it was your birthday. You hadn’t mentioned it, hadn’t wanted to, but it felt like the knowledge was there, lurking, like a reminder you were determined to ignore.

The door down the hall creaked open, followed by the soft thud of it closing and heavy footsteps coming closer. Zoro’s voice rang out, gruff and tinged with irritation, “I can smell Sanji’s disgusting perfume. Did he come here?”

Flipping on the kitchen light, you turned and stifled a grin as Zoro appeared in the doorway, arms crossed, his nose wrinkled in mock disgust. He looked every bit the part of the annoyed rival, his hair damp from training, shirt rumpled as he leaned against the frame, eyeing the bags on the counter with open disdain.

“Yeah, he was just here,” you said, glancing up as Zoro stepped into the light, his nose crinkling in mock disgust. “But I think he left enough rosemary in here to mask the smell. Unless you’re that sensitive?”

“Sensitive?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes as he leaned against the counter, arms crossing over his chest. “It’s just hard to breathe when that walking cologne cloud’s been around. How many tomatoes does he think Nami needs, anyway?”

You shrugged, picking up one of the tomatoes and tossing it his way. He caught it with a smirk. “Sanji just wants to make sure she's fed.”

“Please,” Zoro snorted, turning the tomato over in his hands before placing it back on the counter. “Does he really think Nami can’t feed herself? Or did he just want an excuse to show off?”

“You know him. Probably both,” you said, leaning back against the counter, a smile tugging at your lips as you watched him. Zoro’s presence filled the room in a way you couldn’t quite explain—steady, calm, a quiet sort of reassurance that reminded you there was no need to feel alone.

You found yourself letting out a sigh, the kind that comes when you’ve been carrying a weight around for too long. Zoro’s gaze flickered over you, his brow furrowing slightly.

“Something wrong?”

For a second, you thought about brushing it off. But the way Zoro looked at you—sharp but somehow softened by a quiet understanding—made it hard to lie. It was as if he could see through any mask you tried to put on.

“Just… thinking,” you murmured, glancing down at the bags Sanji had left behind. “Birthdays, you know? Nami brought it up the other year, and it kind of stirred things up.”

Zoro’s face shifted, his usual hardness melting away as he took you in, tilting his head a little. “Didn’t know it was your birthday,” he said quietly, his voice steady, free of pity or fuss.

“It wasn't... it's today, actually,” you admitted, the words feeling heavier than you’d expected. “It's fine, I just… stopped celebrating it a while back.”

He didn’t press, but his gaze was unwavering, his arms still folded as he leaned a little closer, his posture saying he was there, that he was listening.

“Why did you stop?” he asked finally, his tone calm, as if he were inviting you to share without any pressure.

You took a slow breath, the ache you’d been holding onto all day surfacing. “I guess… it just stopped feeling like my day,” you said, each word weighing you down a little more. “It was always about someone else, something else. Eventually, it felt easier to just… ignore it. Less disappointment that way.”

He didn’t break eye contact, his expression unreadable yet somehow gentle, as if he were waiting for you to finish, giving you room to feel everything out loud.

“Makes sense,” he said after a beat, his tone soft, thoughtful. “But… maybe you’re looking at it wrong.”

You raised an eyebrow, surprised by the insight. “Oh yeah? How so?”

He shrugged, his gaze drifting briefly over the countertop before coming back to yours. “Maybe birthdays don’t have to be about other people making it special. Could just be about you doing something you actually want to do. Doesn’t have to be a party or some grand gesture. Could be as simple as sitting around eating these tomatoes if that’s what makes you happy.”

The simplicity of it caught you off guard. You’d thought of birthdays as a day that had to mean something because other people made it that way. But maybe Zoro was right. Maybe the day didn’t have to be a spectacle; maybe it could be quiet, even small, and still feel like yours.

“Maybe…” you murmured, feeling a small, tentative smile tugging at your lips. “Maybe today I’ll just take it easy, let myself have that. Not stress about what it’s supposed to be.”

Zoro’s lips quirked into the faintest hint of a smile. “That’s the spirit.”

You both stood in comfortable silence, his steady presence taking up space in a way that felt grounding, safe. He glanced down at the bags Sanji had left, his smirk returning as he let out a soft chuckle.

“Now, let’s figure out what to make out of Sanji’s mountain of produce before it goes to waste. Who knows—could end up being the best ‘birthday dinner’ you’ve had in years,” he added with a teasing grin.

You laughed, the sound soft and light. And as you started unpacking the groceries, working side by side with Zoro, the day felt different, lighter. No big party, no expectations—just a quiet moment, one you could claim as your own.

black leg sanji

Sanji had been over at your apartment last night, like he often was on weekends. He’d practically taken over the kitchen, turning the small space into his own personal cooking studio, filling it with warmth and the scent of roasted herbs and spices. It was cozy, cramped, and packed with the kind of laughter that spilled out of the windows and into the autumn air outside. He’d left around midnight, making his usual theatrical exit, waving his hand with a smirk, promising he’d be back to “save you and Nami from culinary catastrophe” as he dramatically put it.

When you’d come back to the kitchen to grab some water, there it was on the counter: a small white envelope with your name written on it in his signature, neat handwriting. There was no address, no note outside, just your name.

You took the envelope to your room and opened it, heart skipping a beat as you unfolded the note.

“Hey, you,” it began, simple but with his effortless charm. “I didn’t want to say this with everyone around, but tomorrow’s your birthday, right? You probably won’t want to make a fuss, but I thought maybe I could do a little something to make it a day you’ll remember. Meet me at the coffee shop by the library at noon, if you’re up for it.”

When morning arrived, you found yourself a little more excited than you’d expected. Noon couldn’t come fast enough. You made your way to the small coffee shop tucked along the edge of campus, right beside the library, where trees were shedding leaves in a blanket of amber and red. The café itself was a quaint, narrow little place with warm brick walls, a black-and-white tiled floor, and wooden tables spread under strings of fairy lights. It had that cozy, old-world feel that made you want to curl up in one of its soft leather booths and lose track of time.

You found him immediately. Sanji was leaning against a table near the front window, gazing outside, lost in thought. The soft autumn light filtered through the glass, casting a warm glow over him, and when he turned, catching sight of you, a genuine smile broke across his face. He walked over, dressed in his usual dark button-down and black slacks, looking completely at ease despite the bustle of students around him.

“There you are,” he greeted you, his tone gentle as he took your hand, leading you to the table he’d reserved. His eyes flickered over you with a softness that made your heart race.

On the table sat a small, carefully frosted cake—something he’d clearly made himself. A single, delicate candle was nestled in the frosting, and beside it, a small bouquet of wildflowers sat in a mason jar, the bright petals adding a splash of color against the warm browns and reds of the café’s decor.

“It’s not much,” he said, scratching the back of his neck with a slightly sheepish smile, “but I thought you deserved something that was just for you. Hope you don’t mind me commandeering your birthday a little.”

You took a seat across from him, feeling the coziness of the café wrap around you, like a small world set apart just for this moment. There was something quietly magical about it all, something you hadn’t felt in a long time—an unexpected warmth that went straight to your heart.

Sanji cleared his throat, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Close your eyes,” he said, a hint of that usual playfulness back in his tone. “I’ll light the candle.”

You closed your eyes, listening to the soft flick of his lighter and feeling the glow of warmth as he leaned in to light the candle. When you opened your eyes, he was watching you, a gentle smile on his face, his eyes reflecting the candle’s flickering light.

“Make a wish,” he murmured, voice low and intent.

The café faded away, the distant hum of conversation and clinking of cups disappearing as you focused on that single, flickering flame. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself, for the first time in a long time, to make a wish. And when you opened them, he was still there, watching you, as if he could read exactly what was in your heart.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered, his voice warm and sure, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

You leaned forward, blowing out the candle, the quiet applause of the flame fading into the room’s ambient light. The scent of vanilla and warm frosting filled the air, mixing with the comforting smell of coffee and the rich, earthy tones of autumn that drifted in from the open window. You smiled, feeling a warmth in your chest you hadn’t realized you missed, a feeling of being seen, of being cherished, if only for a moment.

“Thank you, Sanji,” you murmured, unable to keep the gratefulness from your voice.

He smiled, his fingers brushing yours across the table, his touch light but reassuring. “It’s nothing. Besides, you have a lot of birthdays to make up for.”

[grandisknight]

sweet macaron | dawnbreaker

summary: On a particular Thursday, Zayne decides to make something he once saw in a dream.

tags: angst, dawnbreaker!zayne, fem!MC mention, she/her pronouns used, hurt/no comfort, dreams, dreams vs. reality + wc: 1.0k | ao3 version here!

notes: vaguely inspired by his anecdote “still in dark” and “eternal attachment” birthday trailer - i needed to get this mild angst out my system in time for zayne’s bday ;; dawnbreaker my poor, poor beloved…

dividers from cafekitsune

Macarons are sweet.

Between carefully crafted pieces of meringue, a thin layer of confectionery fruit, jam or cream completed the dainty desert. Soft yet firm, a well-balanced chew and decadent sugar made for an ideal sweet bite.

Zayne peels off one of the biscuits from an aged baking tray, inspecting with mild interest. It was a delicate thing, with the slightest push of his pinched fingers cracking the already ruined surface between them. Crumbs speckled the air and dusted the countertop, soon tossed aside to be discarded.

Again, he’ll try again.

Tired eyes bored themselves into the tray of dull, gray rounds that were supposed to be tinted a daytime blue. This was his third batch, and he still couldn’t perfect a shade that was just barely out of his reach.

Halfway through the first batch, he wondered what was the point. He hadn’t done anything like this in who knows how long.

And through the second, he nearly scrapped it altogether when the peaks of egg white seemed to harden by his hands.

Cold, cold hands. They harbored his fingers, calloused to the touch and adorned by the sins of his undoings—of killing. Life taken by his hands, frozen by the shards crystallized within them. Piercing into the Abominations that ran amok, that were no longer human. Blackened blades of ice that consumed him and the aimed target, crafted with empty sentiment.

But it was only when a feeling that struck his heart at the precipice of cleaning his stainless bowl that made him reconsider his thrown away efforts thus far. He remembered he had dreamt of it again last night, more vivid that the ones in recent time.

Something very warm. A sound of a laugh filled with wholehearted affection for its recipient. The same one from his dreams, the one who frequently visits especially around this time of year. She had offered him a biscuit, decorated a white blob and details of black forming into a lopsided seal. He felt himself chew thoughtfully and watch her eyes glimmer in anticipation.

How cute, he quietly thought. Or so it seemed to be spoken aloud, seeing how her ears burned a bright red and a shy expression repainted her face. Zayne reassured her that it was a good treat, he liked it as it was.

The callings of his name that fell from the girl's lips were familiar and distant all at once, as if he wasn’t supposed to know.

Wasn’t supposed to hear how the birds sang and sun rose from the warmth of her voice, wasn’t supposed to see the way those eyes crinkled in crescents with a tender adoration.

But he heard it all the same, and it was a sound he's come to cherish, even if it wasn't for him. With such a sweet expression, she chastised him, lighthearted all throughout, about how she gifted him an important blessing. The ghost of frosting kissed the square of his cheek then, and he found himself shaking his head in playful disbelief. His mouth spilled a response then, though speaking from a body that wasn't his own at the same time.

"What an important blessing."

He still remembers the way their hands brushed, fluttering ginko leaves swirled around them with every sway of the breeze. He intimately could trace the pulse of what were his hands calmly clasping over hers, sharing in a heat and gentle caress especially so once their foreheads touched.

In the present, Zayne felt his own hands itch then, empty and tapping against the cold marble of his kitchen counter instead. The solemn reality dissolved the sweet melody that lingered in his mind.

Right. He was alone here.

Turning around, he decided to quietly return a plethora of ingredients to his countertop and robotically whisked together the ingredients.

Maybe for once, he’ll cling onto the things he shouldn’t know and entertain what was otherwise a dull existence. With a fleeting dream at the tips of his fingers, it would push him through what would be his third and final attempted batch.

So here he stood, some time later, harvesting the fruits of his labor. A sweet scent wafted through the kitchen once more. The back of a spoon dipped into a portion of creamy filling and smeared onto the bottom half of a biscuit. No cracks adorned the surface this time when the other half stuck on top, remaining in one, homogenous piece.

His first macaron. The biscuit was on the thinner side, having lost some of its puffed height from a shorter resting period. Not a perfect bakery display piece, but not exactly a failure either. It was fine, he would be the only one eating them after all.

It melted in his mouth with a bite, hints of bitter earl grey and honeyed vanilla seeping into his tastebuds. He stared into the remaining bite, discerning every ridge of the crust and textured chew of the interior.

The macaron was sweet after all. He wondered if the one she made was anything like it.

“Happy birthday,” the man whispered to no one but himself, placing the last piece into his mouth with a soundless bite.

Just for today, he would allow such a warm dream to sugarcoat his cold reality.

He saunters away from the kitchen then, tracing familiar steps of his daily routine. Along the way he carefully handles a potted jasmine, the only other semblance of life he has, and returns it to the window sill once more. The petals were just as wordless as he was, continuing to bloom underneath the return of the sun’s radiant waves.

Maybe one day, the jasmine would be able to experience the warmth of another person. And then he, too, could share in her very warmth that plagues his imagination for days without end. Wouldn't that be a lovely thought?

What was the semblance of a smile thinned out onto his lips, grimacing at the idea of chasing an impossible dream. Zayne turned away from the window, past the kitchen and trailing behind a faint mist of ice. Stepping towards the door, his casted shadows embraced a world without her and left into the abysmal halls.

His birthday was over.

[briefalpacashark]

!!!!Miles can Salsa!!!!

Miles X reader. Miles 42

For some reason, I just believe that Miles is a really good dancer. I strongly believe his mum would drag him to the dance floor to teach him how.

There you stood, in front of the door that lead out to the roof for Miles' apartment complex. My hands rung the yellow sun dress I wore before nervously fixing my hair. Beyond the door I heard the chatter of people, the sound of music and the sweet, sweet smell of Rio's cooking. I would never tell my dad, but damn, Rio's cooking was the best in the world. I don't know how I could think about food at that moment. My stomach was doing flips. Why was I so nervous you ask? Well, I had been to these cookouts for eighteen years. You would think I would have the hang of it by now. Well, this time it was different. You see, for eighteen years I had been coming to these gatherings as Miles' friend. Now I was going as Miles' girlfriend. Girlfriend. The word still brought a stupid, giddy smile to my face. Remembering back to how he had asked me, I couldn't help but chuckle. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. It wouldn't be any different. I had grown up with these people. Plus, Miles and I had only made it official a few days ago, there's no way they would know, right? Cheeking my bag to make sure I still had Miles present, I pushed open the door. As I stepped out, everything seemed to stop as everyone turned to me. 

“Uh, hi guys,” my voice cracked as I did a little wave. They totally know.

“Ehhhhhhh, there she is!” Uncle Tito exclaimed and before I knew it, I was rushed by smiling faces, everyone hugging me and congratulating me. 

“Welcome to the family, Nina!” Miles' cousin exclaimed picking me up and spinning me around. I stumbled slightly when I was put back down, smiling as an auntie brought me in, kissing my cheeks.

“I'm so glad. You just won me quite a bit oh money,” she chuckled cheekily before shuffling off. I frowned, only to spot Miles trying to make his way through the crowd.

“Hey, hey let her breath you animals,” he ordered, stepping up to my side, placing a hand on my lower back and shooing his family and friends away. Reluctantly, they did so. 

“Well, you certainly made an entrance.” Underneath his calm and cool exterior, I caught a brief glimpse of the nervous boy he once was. He was embarrassed by how his family acted, even more embarrassed by the fact that the reason they acted that was was because he had blabbed to everyone he knew that we were finally together. I smirked, rising to my tiptoes to place a kiss on his lips, an act that still made us blush. 

“What was that for?” he asked, slightly dazed.

“Happy birthday Miles,” I said. Hearing a loud wolf whistle, I blushed, dropping my head to Miles' chest as he sighed, fighting off the embarrassment as he half glared at his family members that called out some saucy comments.

“Where is she? Is she here?” Rio pushed through the crowd, her eyes setting on me.

“There she is, my daughter-in-law,” Rio opened her arms out as she rushed towards us.

“Mum,” Miles groaned.

“Oh stop it,” Rio waved dismissively at him, taking my hands.

“Thankyou, I know your way out of his league and I know he sometimes smells,” I laughed at Rios words.

“Mum. Are you serious right now?” Miles asked, running a hand down his braids.

“Callado, come, I want you to tell me everything,” Rio waved dismissively at her son before she hooked her arm on mine and dragged me away. 

Translation=(Be Quiet)

Later that night, when Rio had finally let me go, I stood by the barbeque beer in hand with Miles. He sat on a large esky with me planted between his legs, one arm around my thigh, his large palm pressed against the soft skin, just under the hem of my dress. Little did I know, but he was thoroughly enjoying himself. The fact that I was now his girlfriend and that he was able to hold me like this made him tingle. Noticing Miles' gaze on the makeshift dance floor, I reached up, rubbing his shoulder, gaining his attention.

“Wanna dance?” I asked. I didn't feel offended by the chuckle of laugher he let out. They knew me for being a terrible dancer. Last time I took to the floor, I almost knocked my dancer partner off the roof. 

“Nah, not tonight, had too much to drink,” he said, holding up only this third beer. I expected that answer. He hadn't danced in a long time.

“Well, if you won't. Mi Señora,” Uncle Tito offered me, his hand seeming to appear out of nowhere. 

“Your funeral man,” Miles shrugged. I propped an eyebrow at his condescending tone.

“Wow, ill show you,” I huffed, gently slapping my bottle to his chest, to which he grabbed it.

“Oh, come on, I'm sorry I,” he huffed, but I had already taken Uncle Tito's hand and let him lead me to the dance floor. Everyone expected a shit show, and some even moved to block the ledge.

Only they were all pleasantly surprise as I spun on the balls of my feet taking the perfect salsa position. Then the music started and boy did I dance. 

Miles' jaw literally dropped as he watched me. I was actually dancing. I was performing a perfect salsa. I was moving and stepping to the beat, spinning on the balls of my feet, all guided by Uncle Tito. Everyone was shocked, to say the least. Not to toot my own horn, but I was doing a damn good job. I could feel Miles' eyes on me, on my hips as they rolled and shock to the beat. He had to admit it was hot. 

“She's been taking lessons, wanted to surprise you,” Rio whispered next to her son's ear. 

“You knew about this?” Miles asked, gesturing to me.

“Who do you think taught her that hip roll?” Rio asked, gesturing to the wide hip roll I threw out. 

“She's good, right?” Rio asked, nudging him.

“Eah, I guess she is,” he muttered. 

“Well, if I were you I would step in before your uncle steals your girlfriend,” Rio's suggestion had Miles chuckling. Although, as his uncle threw you into a dip, his hand catching your knee did tickle his jealousy. And the way you smiled and laughed brightly at it. Taking a sip of beer, he shock his head before setting it down and walking up to the dance floor. 

“Disculpe, cree que puedo bailar con mi chica?” Miles asked, placing a hand on his uncle's shoulder.

(Excuse me, you think I can dance with my girl?)

“If the ladie wants to dance with you,” Uncle Tito shrugged, leaving the decision up to me.

“You sure Miles? Wouldn't want to send you to an early grave,” I quipped with a challenging smile. He huffed, running his hand down his mouth. As Uncle Tito spun me he slid in between us one arm, taking my waist the other my hand as he continued spinning us out of Tito's reach. We came to a sudden stop, with Miles pulling me into him. The music slowed as his hand snaked around my waist, coming to rest on my lower back. Trailing his other hand up my side and down my arm, he took my hand in his. A minor slip of air left my lips as he pulled me flush against him, and when I say flush, I meant every area. He smirked at my slightly shocked reaction, not wasting my surprise as he started to dance. Now salsa had a rich history. Just like the sauce, it was a mix of everything, Fron tango to rumba to swing dance. It was also a sensual dance. He held me tightly as he rolled his hips to the music, my hips attached to him moving as well. We danced together, doing some basic spins and steps. When I recovered from my shock I huffed in amusement. He had total control. Well, after his comment from before I couldn't let that happen. As he spun me out, I let go of his hand, stepping back. Salsa was a give and take dance. Which meant you went along with anything. Which meant as I walked back he followed. As his arms went to encompass me I ducked under his arm, dragging my hand across his chest and shoulder as I stepped around him. Facing away from him, I popped my leg right between his legs, my foot stopping inches from his groin. Placing it back down, I threw my hip out, bumping into him and sending him stumbling slightly. Everyone watching let out howls of ohhhhh’s. Miles spun back to me, a stunned but impressed look on his face. I smirked, giving him a small shrug as I started to dance again. Now in salsa you could take turns to do a little freestyle. Either to give the other person a chance to rest or to show off a little under the spotlight. And I did, spinning and stepping, finishing with a pop of my chest. I didn't know what had gotten into me. Where all the confidence had come from. Mabey it came from everyone cheering me on. He extended his hand to me and as I place it in his, he used my own trick against me, spinning me around so that my back was pressed to his chest. His hands planted firmly on my hips as he swayed us. Leaning my head back, I reached up rubbing my hand down his cheek.

“Not bad, hey?” I asked.

“I've seen better,” he shrugged. 

“Oh, really?” I asked.

“Oh, Mi Amor you haven't seen nothing,” he grinned. I was about to ask him when he spun me around so quickly that when I stopped I barely registered that he was now kneeling, he had used the momentum on my spin to lift my leg and prop it over his shoulder. Slightly off balance my hand reached out clasping the back of his neck for balance. He smirked, his lips pressing to the inner side of my thigh as everyone went crazy. My face flushed a hundreds shades of red as his other hand rose up the back of my other thigh and slightly under my dress.

“Thats my boy!” Uncle Aaron yelled proudly. Bouncing my leg off his shoulder, he stood rolling his body into mine, catching my knee and wrapping it around his waist. His hot breath fanned my face, only inches apart. Stepping back into a lung he lowered us, my other leg outstretched. I almost became a stuttering mess as his hand trailed from my knee up my thigh, grasping it firmly. 

“Better?” he asked teasingly. Jotting out a nod, he chuckled, returning us to the standing position. Yet he didn't let me go keeping me close. It was a whirlwind as we spun around each other, Miles now taking the full lead. The dance got faster and faster. Ending in a big bag of sound, to which Miles took me by the waist and knee and dipped me. He couldn't stop his eyes from railing down my cleavage, to the small beads of sweat lining my chest. Slowly raising me back up, he pulled me close. 

“That was, well wow,” I struggled to find the words not having to worry much about it when he pressed his lips to mine in a deep hungry kiss. His tongue quickly parted my lips. Another round of wolf whistles sounded, only this time I smiled into the kiss. Miles smiled as well rising his fist in victory earning another round of cheers. 

Later that night, Miles and I were dancing again, only this time it was a slow swaying type song. My head rested on his chest. We both glanced to the side where a very drunk Uncle Tito was singing loudly along with the song.

“Well, I've never heard this song before,” I mused. We winced as he sung a particularly high note.

“What you've never head of the most romantic song of all time?” he asked.

“Romantic?” I asked, pulling my eyes away from Tito.

“Oh yeah,” he nodded. Then softly, he started to sing along. I was surprised, he never sung. But hey, I loved it. I wasen't great at Spanish. But as Miles sung sweetly to me I didn't need to know the words. I smiled a rare content smile as we rested our foreheads together.

[peppermintquartz]

Future fic idea for BuckTommy: What if something tragic tragic brings them back together?

It reminds them that we only have so much time and they shouldn't waste it.

TW: character deaths

--

Buck tries not to flinch when he feels Tommy's presence beside him, yet the tension in his shoulders dissipates the moment Tommy touches him.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Tommy murmurs.

It's been an hour since the doctor told them. Bobby told Buck earlier that he'll wait at the chapel; Hen and Eddie are filling out as much of the paperwork as they can; Athena hugged him and promised to pick Jee up, and Hen will take care of Jee until the paperwork is sorted out. Mr and Mrs Lee will have Buck's parents staying with them once they arrive in Los Angeles.

Which both makes it easier and harder to cope with the rest of this.

"They were on the way to buy Jee's birthday cake," Buck says, apropos of nothing. "She's still at the kindergarten. I'm... I don't know how to tell her..."

Sorry Jee, it's just you and me against the world now. Daddy and Mommy have gone away.

His vision blurring with tears, Buck reaches blindly next to him to grab Tommy's hand. And it is as strong and warm as he remembers. Warm as Maddie's used to be.

"I can't do this, Tommy. I don't know how." His voice cracks on the last word and he gives in, lets the tears flow down his face.

Tommy holds Buck's hand in between his own. After a while, after Buck regains a smidge of his composure, Tommy says, "I can help. Arrangements and everything, if you need someone to take on administration. Or help you move stuff. Or, I don't know. A shoulder."

"For how long?" Buck can't help the question from bursting out. Forever sound good to you? is what he doesn't say. It's not the time nor the place. But the thought is there: when Buck needs him, Tommy shows up.

He always shows up.

Tommy doesn't answer instantly. When he does, it's a measured reply. "We can talk about that after all this, Evan."

Buck chokes out a short laugh. No one else will be calling him Evan again. He straightens and finally looks at his ex-boyfriend in the eyes.

Tommy looks thinner, older. Buck supposes he isn't faring too well either in the looks department. With a deep breath, Buck whispers, "Yeah. After." He swipes over his cheeks with his free hand. "When mom and dad get here, I'm gonna need you with me." He smiles thinly. "Please."

Tommy reaches up to run the edge of his thumb over Buck's cheekbones. "Of course."

Of course.

Buck feels how he wants to lean in for a kiss, sees the yearning in Tommy's gaze, and forces himself to stand. "Let's go find Bobby. He's in the chapel."

As Tommy stands up, Buck adds, "Thank you."

Tommy smiles sadly. "You don't have to thank me, Evan. Not for this."

[deberiaestarescribiendo]

Beg the sea for mercy (Sailor!Joelx Mermaid Reader)

They say the sea has some power over souls. It understands something that lies underneath flesh and bones, and it sings a song that appeals to those who are wounded.

Pairing: Sailor!Joel MillerxMermaid Reader

(The mermaid is described but it is a humanoid creature and for the most the aspects of her described are the more "creature" parts of her than physical description, once she's a human, she is not described except for being curvier and having hair) Joel calls her "girl" and she has her own POV in some parts

Themes and warnings: sea (a little bit of talasophobia I guess), depression, alcohol and drug comsuption, bodily horror, breeding "kink" not to give much away but the mermaid needs Joel for something. Smut but not super detailed, blood and violence.

This came to me a few years ago with Florence+The Machine Mermaids ( final chapter is actually a verse of the song)and watching The Lighthouse. "Future Days" is included here and actually checking the lyrics it fitted perfectly but I know it can be controversial since in the game is a very important between Joel and Ellie.

Also on AO3

They say the sea has some power over souls. It understands something that lies underneath flesh and bones, and it sings a song that appeals to those who are wounded.

Far from the land and the people, its roars and constant changes remind humans that it cannot be controlled. The crashing of the waves and the boat fighting its way over them is like the sound inside his body: the blood running, the heart beating, the bones cracking, soft and constant.

Joel needs those sounds to believe that his heart is still beating, that he is still alive, even if it feels he had died many years ago.

The sea is a welcoming mistress for lost souls. At land, all he did was bury himself in pills and alcohol. He numbed his head so his thoughts would stop being of his daughter last breath, how fast she was breathing, her cries, his shirt wet, warm and sticky over his chest.

I know, baby, I know.

I gotta get you up, babygirl

He remembers getting her corpse up of the ground, and all Joel Miller was, was left in the puddle of her daughter’s blood on the grass. The man that lived after that was dead, a zombie.

Joel found the fact of having to get back to his old life unbearable. How would he be able to do the same things he did when Sarah was alive?

And after trying to kill himself and failing, he ran away. Doing dodgy works here and there, using his rage and muscle for whomever paid the most so he could get enough pills and whisky to pass out every night.

In the dark loop that his life had become, he found Cap. Nobody could tell how old he was or from where that thick accent could come from or even his real name. He called Joel kid which implied an older age, but he couldn’t point out if he was that much older than him.

He told him about his boat and their route to the pacific all the way down and back.

“8 months out, open sea and more money you will make in any other place”.

He got on the Perseus on Sarah’s birthday after swallowing a pill and a bottle of Jack. Cap looked at him up and down:

“Whatever you do after your shift is up to you. But on duty hours you stay sharp, kid”.

He did. Soon enough he didn’t feel his hands shaken and he could sleep almost soundly every night. The sea sang its song, the low hums of the machinery and the gentle waves, and he was rocked like a baby in a crib. He still drank each night. Sergey, part time cook and fisherman, served every meal with a shot of vodka.

“To keep you warm, strong.” He flexed his pale arm under the bright yellow overalls.

The nights at the edge of the world were long, too far away from land, any land, that Joel thought the sun would not rise again. For days he would wake up at 2 A.M and work up until midday, but the nets were coming empty.

“Fucking shit” he muttered after another day of nothing.

“Don’t curse at the sea, son, she will give her share when she’s ready. We just have to keep on begging”. Cap said and patted his back.

They were so far away; the radar never showed any passing ship.

The sky was so bright, Joel saw the Milky way for the first time. That white spur of cosmos full of stars brighter than any artificial light he had never seen before.

The sea was so calm the light drew silver lines over the soft waves, the soft push of them crushed against the boat, when he saw it.

A shadow, barely a head above water. If it weren’t for those silver lines, a glitch on the reflection of the sky above, he wouldn’t have seen it.

And as soon as he stepped closer to the edge, it disappeared.

That night the nets were once again empty. Before they let the machinery rewind them and throw them again, he found it. A perfect seashell, the conch turned on itself in a mix of pink like roses and white as the seafoam.

He grabbed it and put it on his pocket and didn’t get it out until he was on his bunk bed.

Joel touched its coarse exterior, the small waves made of years of the ocean’s erosion. The seashell had an opening on its middle, bright pink and soft to the touch almost like flesh. His calloused fingertips got over the opening tracing from the tip to the end. He could hear the sea coming from it and he fell asleep with it on his hand. Then the dreams started.

He dreamt he was underwater, as deep and black as the universe. His lungs were caving in, the water of the ocean filling him in its cold arms.

That’s when he saw her. His eyes searched for the moonlight that pierced the water on the reflection of her fins. They were silver with a shade of black. In the darkness he could distinguish her shape, long, longer than any animal he had seen. She propelled herself with her tail and pushed the water with her arms. She danced around him ignoring that he was dying, for a moment he thought that maybe that was what she e waited for. She turned and spin almost like she was having fun of his suffering.

In his dream, he reached for her, beg even if words could not come out of his mouth. She came, a cloud of silver and darkness of her hair. She grabbed him from his waist, hard so hard Joel expelled all his oxygen. He screamed but she grabbed his jaw, sharp nails scratching his skin.

She was a vision. Something human and not at the same time. Her eyes were all black, bigger in her head, her skin was cold and soft even if a bit viscous, her lips were pale, and she opened her mouth. Was it a smile? And her teeth where sharp, white as pearls. She sealed her lips to him, and he tasted blood. He fought against her, but she was stronger. Her hand pressed against his nape when he felt her nails scratching his scalp.

He was too tired, too close to hypoxia and then he felt the air, sweet and cold, that she was transferring, under her ears, her gills opened and closed.

She held him, her nails didn’t pierce him anymore but cradle his head, he felt his heart slowing down and then the siren woke him up. It was time for another shift.

The dream came to him every night, and every night he had to get through the agony of dying before he could touch her, each night he fought less and less, until weeks after finding the conch, he submerged himself in the depth of the sea fearlessly, open arms waiting for her to come save him.

“You got your head elsewhere, kid” Joel had read the captain lips, but he signed his cancelling noise headset.

The captain repeated the same sentence until Joel rolled his eyes and he knew he had understood him.

The red light on top of the ceiling and the deep siren alerted them to step out as the boat open its vault to welcome the nets. For weeks they had come empty, but that night the cables were tense teasing that they had a great catch for once.  From the black waters, the bodies of thousands of fish jumped in silver.

Sergey and the captain cheered.

“She blessed us, I told you, kid” “We just need to keep on begging and now we thank her”.

The captain stepped on the nets over the slugs and small conches. He got close to the edge, Joel crossed fast to stop him, but the old man kneeled on the edge, getting a knife from his boot, he slashed his hand and raised to the moon, the blood fell black as if they were tears from the sky above. Joel heard him pray.

Thank you for providing us with such a bounty. We are thankful for your gifts, let us go back safely to shore.

Sergey shook his head and muttered “Crazy”

After all the fish were put on refrigeration, they gathered in the kitchen, the guys from the AM shift too as Captain had granted a day off for everybody. Sergey took the opportunity to cook a special meal and open his best vodka, the one he kept on a locked cabinet. “For special occasions only” he poured the shots and served each man a generous ration of a fish stew.

“Who did you thank back there?” Joel asked, the captain had cured his hand with badges that had an already a faint maroon stain on them.

“The sea, son, who else?” he chuckled.

“You cut your hand for the sea?” Joel raised an eyebrow and pointed to the wounded hand.

“You are new, you will learn. The sea is not made for us to stay and pillage. You have to give something back if you want to be blessed “

“Is some kind of religion or what?

“Don’t be a fool. There are many gods on the land, and none will show their power as the sea does. She will teach you quickly not to bother her or mock her, son”.

“Is a she then, a goddess?”

“Are you mocking me, kid?” the captain through his spoon on his plate and the rest of the men looked at them.

“I’m just curious as to why you will cut your hand”.

The storm arrived two days after. Joel tried to control his fear, his trembling hands when the sea turned grey and the waves covered the ship, again and again they hit higher. They had to get back to shore but the currents were too strong, they kept sending them deeper. There was no signal on the radio or radar. Isolated the days seemed eternal, they were completely covered most of the time, but sometimes, Joel could see the sky opening and the thunderstorm lighted up the stars. At night, for the briefest of time, the air was on fire when the lightnings stroke, he could see the dark waves coming as they hit the ship when it was pitched black.

One of those dark waves swallowed the ship whole eventually. When Joel fell  in the dark waters, the waves made impossible to hear the rest of the men or even to see them in the dark, once he was over one wave, another would drown him. The life jacket made him float up, but he could just take one small breath and the sea would push him down.

He was tired, exhausted in minutes and so He let go. And unlocked his lifejacket.

Let the sea take me. I want to go with my babygirl.

Sarah.

Sarah

He heard her, laughing, saw her killer smile in the stars calling back to him. For once all he remembered was not her dying and he knew it was time.

It wasn’t like in his dreams. The ocean was dark and cold. The currents too strong for him to even know what’s up and down. And soon he let the water in invade him with violence and somehow peace.

He remembered dark eyes glittering in a dark cave. If it wasn’t for the sand he touched and the air he felt, Joel would have sworn he had died and was falling still in the dark pitch of the ocean.

When those eyes approached him, he heard her crawl, creeping her wet and cold body over him. She reached for his chest with long nailed hands, each finger connected to the other by thin skin.

Joel heard his voice break when he tried to scream, but nothing came out but a pathetic whine.

The siren reached his head, those black pools staring at him, her mouth opened with sharp teeth. And then she posed her head on his chest and began singing. It pierced straight to his heart, through skin and bone and then his world in that tiny cave went silent. Only her voice could be heard, not his cries, not his heart or blood still running, not his pain or Sarah’s last breath, just the creature signing.

He woke up when light hit his eyes, bright and white against the clear stone. Sand on his feet and his hands, cold and grounding. He was alive.

“You are awake”.

He turned his head to his feet, scared to find the creature, instead a girl sat next to him. Naked if just for a thin throw she had tighten with a piece of rope. Joel tried to lift his body but his vision blurred and when he tried to speak his throat was dry and hurt.

“Here. Drink”

She kneeled before him and poured water on his lips. Sweet and cold, when the thin dribble stopped, he tried instinctively to raise for more.

“Not so fast”

“Please” he begged, when she raised her hands again, Joel saw she was holding his shell, that one he found on the boat. Its perfect pink spiral holding fresh water to his mouth, it was a dream. Maybe he was indeed drowning still, his braincells dying little by little with the lack of oxygen.

But the sand on his hands, the pain on his limbs felt so real.

“Rest” she pressed her palm on his chest “I bring more water”.

She raised, the white thin cloth hanging around her body, she went inside the cave where he could not see her. Joel tried to raise again this time, slower and surer, his arms finally feeling strong enough to press his palms on the ground. His vision was still blurry, and the light hit him too hard.

He inspected the cave, empty if it wasn’t for the improvised bed he was on, a pile of clothes, fading and harsh for the saltpetre, he found his shirt and pants and his fishing overalls, an another one, an another, an another. All from the Perseus.

“Here” the girl followed his gaze and put his hand on his shoulder “You need to rest”

“Where are the men from my boat?”

“Water” she said, her hand on his chin turning his face to the shell. Joel didn’t know if she wanted him to drink or answering his question. He drank again.

“I need to come home” he said, maybe it was a prayer or a wish, he hadn’t called anything home since his daughter. “I need to call somebody; they must be searching the ship”.

The woman squared her shoulders.

“Nobody is searching”

“Please, you need to help me, I have to come back, they must be looking for me…my family”.

“Sarah?” she kneeled again suddenly less tense.

“What? How?”

“You speak in dreams, call her..cry for her” she spoke softly, tilted her head awaiting a answer.

“My daughter…she…” he couldn’t say, she had been trying for years to tell, my daughter was, Sarah was my daughter, he couldn’t bare speak of her in the pass.

“My brother must be worried, we need to call the coast guards, somebody to bring me back to…”

“Nobody is coming” she pushed him firmly to the bed again, for a moment her eyes grew dark as those he saw in his dreams under water and in this cave after she had saved him.

Joel accepted her care for a day more. She brought her water and fish. The fish still moving and trying to escape its fate until she slapped them against the rock. Hair and body dripping cold water from the sea, the girl gutted the fish for him, tearing away their spine and head and presenting him their still fresh body with bloody nails. She ate one herself but with less pleasantries and bite the half of its body while blood dipped from her chin.

After he could get up by himself the next day when she was gone to get food, Joel made an expedition out of the cave. His hope sank when he saw how small the isle was. A piece of dark rock and steep hills, with thin trees with black roots and dark green leaves. The sea crushed against it violently, its roar was astounding, on the small coast, he found pieces of the ship. He climbed, almost out of breath, to the highest hill he found.

The sky was cloudy, big masses of white dust and wind over that remote corner of the world, and all he could see down was a never-ending sea, no ships, no continent, nothing but water.

He felt the waves crushing his ribs again, his heart. He would never leave this isle, he would never be home, never see his brother and explain so many things. How the world crumbled when Sarah died, how he could not see a future, the person he became, the fear of looking and the mirror and see his soulless eyes. He wanted to come back home, he wanted to be able to call something his home once again.

He felt the rage coming, like bile coming up his gut, and he screamed, he screamed, and he kick the rocks until he was tired.

When he came back to the cave, she was waiting.

She frowned at him, she had already gutted her catch and sat on the clothes of the dead men with dead fish on her hands.

“You need to rest” she repeated.

“This can’t be real” he ignored her

On his way down, Joel had convinced himself he was imagining her, that finally the drugs, the alcohol and the depression combined with a concussion was making her up.

She looked at him and tended her hand “Eat” the fish was blue as dark as the blood that pooled on the siren’s hand.

“Leave me alone” he slapped her hand away. He wanted a whiskey so bad, he wanted to swallow the pills one by one, they probably thought him dead anyway. Tommy must have been informed by now. What was the point.

He hadn’t heard the girl standing and taking the fish back, she cleaned the sand as much as she could and presented it again, this time with a serious look “Eat”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Joel tried to push her away, but she grabbed him by his throat and smacked him to the pile of the dead men clothes. She was stronger than him, much more. She straddled his lap and pressed her dirty nails on his cheeks.

Her breath was warm and her body cold and wet. He blamed his addictions and completely fucked up brain, that all his thoughts were about her body on top of him. He was aware of her nakedness, of the slump skin of her hips and thighs pressing his hips of how she was barely covered and how he could see her perked nipples under the damped fabric.

“eat” she repeated, and he opened his mouth.

She tore a small part and pushed the meat on his lips, softly, her fingers tasted of salt and blood.

When he had eating enough, she smiled. A beautiful, sweet, almost innocent smile, if not for the blood on her teeth.

“You will get strong soon”

The days fell and came, and he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to face the outside and small world of that minuscule isle.

He cried most of the time, sometimes the tears will just run on his cheeks, sometimes he would loudly sob while the siren was away. She brought him different food: octopus that she shredded with her bare hands, crabs and oysters, she also started bringing shells and showed them to him.

“beautiful” she said presenting another one, and she would look disappointed every time he didn’t react.

And so, she started singing.

She cradled his head on her lap, her sharp nails scratching the greying hairs again and again.

Her voice was soft and deep. Sometimes it was just a hum, other she would vocalise and others she would sing in a language he didn’t understand. Long syllables and soft words. Even if she used unknown words or just sounds, Joel understood. She sang about love and longing, about death and loss. Sometimes he started to cry again in the middle of her song, and she hushed him like a baby. With her voice and her hands, she caressed his wounds and his heart.

In the night, they lay together, and she tangled herself to him. She was soft and warm and smelled like salt and sand. Her heartbeat steady, mouth softly open, features relaxed, if she noticed that sometimes he caressed her leg, from ankle to thigh, the one she tossed over his body, she didn’t say.

Sometimes she turned and grabbed his arm cuddled herself under him, as if he was a blanket over her. She placed his hand between her breasts, her slow and steady breath should have calmed him. But she pushed herself against him, her back against her belly, her hips between his hips.

If she noticed that he was painfully hard, she didn’t say.

Sleep would find him eventually, but that’s when the nightmares started.

“Do not cry, Joel” she kissed the tears running on his cheeks, and she started singing, and he’d cried more. He cried until he was empty and exhausted, until he could fill the sea and drown.

The siren sang every night, and he began to forget why he was crying and that he should think about coming back.

He indeed felt stronger after a while, his body had forgotten the effort of fighting the waves and drowning, his mind nonetheless was tired, lazy, he woke up without any will of getting up, the exterior of the cave was a minuscule and harsh natured place, the cave was warm, the girl fed him, sang and took care of him.

Most times he didn’t want her to move, and he would protest when she said she got to go.

That’s how they kissed the first time.

“Don’t go, I’m not hungry” he begged, hands on her hips, kneeling before her.

“I need the sea” she smiled softly and bent down, her hands on his face like a child, she kissed her frown and then his lips. They were warm, soft, Joel had never felt something so soft as her lips and her skin in years. After so much hardship and pain, then there was her. But she walked out of the cave, leaving him on his knees still marvelling of the kiss. Joel shook all the thoughts that were spiralling on his head and followed her.

The day was covered in white fluffy clouds leaving the waters in a milky blue colour. The girl breathed deeply and took out the cloth that covered her. He watched her as the waters kissed her feet and she giggled. She looked at him just once before running to the depth.

Joel waited and waited; the sun was almost setting. The clouds were the colour of ripe orange, when she came back.

That silver and black tail splashed on the coast, and she let her body be carried with the waves.

For a moment she was limp on the sand, the long tail he remembered, her hands and digits connected with a thin and see-through tissue. He approached her, worried, what if she had died, what if he was left alone in here. The loud noise that invaded his heart and mind years ago when Sarah died, came back, he couldn’t move, not even say a word.

But the siren shrieked, loud and high, her long nails digging in the sand. Her body trembled, her spine curved upwards, like an invisible current went through her, he saw her skin tear from the inside out. Her silver scales breaking, blood covering the sand and the white foam of the waves became a faded pink. From the mess of her skin tearing a human leg came out, her feet stuck on the meaty mess of her former body. She crawled out of the parts of her tail when she cried out again sounding like a wounded animal, Joel had to cover his ears, the skin between her fingers melted, her bones shrinking to a delicate size, her hands pushed upwards, she raised with splatters of her old body still attached to her human skin. Her eyes were still dark and all black pupils. She stepped on wobbly legs towards Joel before collapsing on the ground.

He picked her up from the sand and carried her to the cave.

“Please tell me what to do” Joel whispered, desperate “do not leave me here”.

The siren smiled softly, tired.

“I will stay” she muttered before falling sleep.

Joel waited hours, watching her chest going up and down, checking her pulse. Cleaned her from her fish flesh and blood and cuddled her body when the moon rose white and full in the night.

His eyes were heavy when she started to move in her sleep. Her eyes were now human when she looked at him.

“I thought you were about to die”.

She frowned.

“What happened to you?”

“I need the sea every full moon, I need to be me”.

“Does it hurt?”

She nodded.

“I thought you were to leave me alone” he whispered, eyes closed, and heart opened, the words came out of his lips like a confession. You’re the only thing I got now, I won’t survive without you, why did you kiss me?

She cuddled next to him, he felt her warm body against him and her hand on his cheek, collecting the tears he didn’t know he was crying.

“Joel” he didn’t open his eyes” I’m here”.

When still hid his face, she came closer, search for his face and his eyes until he did. The siren, now girl, was as beautiful as the moon, perfect and warm smile, under him, naked. He felt his cheeks burn in thoughts he should maybe not have. But she closed the distance even more, rose on her elbows to be face to face, lips so close he could feel her breath. “I’m here”

The kiss was innocent as first, as sweet and pure as the one she had given in the morning. But soon he was biting her lips, invading her mouth with his tongue, biting her chin and her neck, her breasts.

He kissed her stomach, reverently caressing her new skin, the human skin she had changed for him, grabbed her hips, the bones she had cracked for him, to walk with him in this forgotten place and he opened her legs and kissed each of her knees before kneeling between them. She let her legs fall on the clothes of the dead men, revelling her sex. Joel kissed and drank from her opening pink lips. The siren sighed, tugged his hair hard and harder the more he kissed and sucked at her, he felt her legs tremble and shake and smiled. He had forgotten the beauty and the taste of the pleasure of a woman, not only a random woman in nameless bar, drunk on pain and whisky. This girl was made for him, was only his, they were alone in the world.

He kissed her blissful face still gasping and heavy breathing. Joel pushed her legs around his hips and penetrate her with a shallow push, held her head in his hands. Mine, mine, he thought the more he felt her cunt pulling him in.

————————————————————————

Mother said they love differently than us, that men take and take until soon they were kings in the land. My sisters that had already passed through this warned me about their fear: “Fear will turn them violent” they said. And so, I tried to make him delicate with me. I sang when he was sad, I hugged his body with mine. I saw how his eyes roam my body and how they shine when I say his name.

How he cried because I hurt, how he awaited on the shore for me. How he touched my new skin and how his hunger started.

But they didn’t tell me about what was going to happen to us, to our bodies. Joel kissed me and at first his beard, coarse on my skin, was all I could think of, but his lips were soft, he bit my lips and it awaken something in me. His hands were not soft either, and this new body is too delicate, this skin too thin and sensitive, I felt my hairs tensing on my arms on my legs and my nape when he kissed my breasts. I felt elated, floating in the air, spiralling so fast when he kissed me between my legs. He pushed me to the feeling when I tried to flee. I tried to get him off me, but my hands wanted to ask for more. Such sweet contradiction.

I felt my legs tremble, my stomach tight, so tight I thought this body was again turning into something new. And then, he let me fall. His eyes were dark when he grabbed my face, pressed his weight over me, I couldn’t move and was so tired and expectant. He pierced my body, and it was harsh and sweet as his kisses. He pushed inside of me, again and again, touched something inside that hurt and made my belly tight again, my legs ache on his hips. His warm breath on my neck, the sand harsh against my back as shark’s skin and I just tried to focus on the white walls of the cave, to centre myself before falling again. I heard him say something over his moans, but I couldn't tell.

He spilled inside me with two finals hard push and fell to the side, one of his hands still on my cheek.

When I rose, I felt tired and my body ached, my thighs were sticky, his sweat and mine, his semen and my blood. I touched my cunt, swollen, sensitive and full of him. My fingers gathered some of my wetness, reddish and warm still from us.

“Oh no” Joel rose immediately when he saw my hand, turned my palm to him. “Oh no, lord, I’m sorry” I didn’t know why he apologise, but he kissed me again, on my shoulders and on my face “I hurt you” he said when I looked at him puzzled. “Does it hurt?” He placed his palm over my sex and I flinched.

“I didn’t think… you have just turned I” his cheeks were red and he brushed his wet hair back “I didn’t mean to hurt you, honey”.

He grabbed my bloody fingers and kissed them. He didn’t care it stained his lips and his face.

I kissed him how he did to me. Open mouth, tasting him with my tongue. He cleaned me softly and threw his shirt over me.

I slept tired, aching, sedated and wanting him more. Joel woke me up with a shell, a purple one, just like I did days ago when he stopped talking.

“It’s for you” he had pierced in the middle and passed a cord of fibre of the black trees of the isle to make a collar. Joel slept beside me that night, covered me with his body, at first, he didn’t move, he didn’t try to do it again. But the moon was clear and round in the sky. I could see the shadows it created on his face, and it was beautiful.

I touched him, his bare chest, golden for the sun, he had scars, the skin whiter and taunt there. He had sparse hair there, thicker on his belly and over his cock. I touched him without knowing how and he sighed, I followed on his legs, strong the muscles under his thighs were evident even if he was asleep. I wished my legs were like that, see what they can do, how fast I could be, how other grounds will feel on my feet. I was mesmerised by him, and I didn’t realise he had woken up.

“Can you walk fast?” I asked.

“Do you mean run?” I nodded. “Well, not like I used to, honey.”

“What is honey?” I wondered

“Honey? It is something sweet, like you” He smiled and let me roam his body, his calves until his feet.

“Why did you save me?” He asked after the silence had filled our cave

I looked at the moon, it was as full as it was the day I saw him. Why him? I don’t know, he found the conch, he was stronger.

“The tides brought me to you” I answered to let it rest, as it was much happenstance as it was fate, his and mine.

“But now, on this isle… why?”

I looked at his dark eyes fixed on mines

“ I wanted to know “

“To know what?”

What would my mother do? My sisters? Did they allow these questions? It was a full moon already, recovering had already taken so much time, and I hadn’t completed the mission

“To know you” it was a almost a lie, a half truth.

“Have you met another man?” I saw the answer he wanted in his eyes.

“No. The other men were dead” I saw his gaze dropping to their clothes

“Did they make it to the isle?”

I shook my head as he did when he refused eating. “They were dead, their bodies floated to the coast I sent them back to the sea”

“Why?”

“They do not serve a purpose here” you and me, we do, I thought. You were barely alive I could save you, you could save me.

He looked at me as if he was trying to dissect me, I know my mother and sister told me that humans need to understand that they ask too many questions and they can hurt anything just trying to understand. I knew Joel could tear me apart. But I wanted to know too.

“How did you learn to speak to me if you haven’t met other people?”

“We learn fast” I said, we need to survive, we do what we can. I’m young and there are so many things I don’t know and my family told me to come here, and I do not know if it’s working.

“You certainly do, honey” his hand touched mine, he intertwined his fingers to mine, his skin was rugged and scarred, mine was too new I could feel the difference texture of his, that spoke of hardship and the life on earth.

He took my hand and kissed my palm. He rubbed it on his cheek, how soft he could be being so harsh and bigger than me. I took his hand and did the same, he kissed me then, much gentler than before, he let me open my mouth to him at my own pace, he let me touch his body and his scars. I found one near his left temple, the only one that he refused my hand “does it hurt still?” I asked and his eyes shone in the dark of our cave

“Yes, it refuses to heal”  

I kissed it softly waiting for him to push me off, but he didn’t. Joel closed his eyes, his skin wrinkled around them, I trailed down to his mouth.

He caressed me with the tip of his fingers, down my back, my thighs and legs as I had done.

“I will teach you how to run if you wish to “

Joel let me discover his body pulling me on top of his, how his muscles flexed, how his skin tasted. I felt him harden under me, and he let me go at my own pace, he just showed me how to touch his sex, how the stickiness I felt was needed for us to joint, how my body tensed and the fever started by rubbing the top of mine, I let him in slowly watching how his eyes closed and his sighed relaxed. Joel put his hands over my hips and softly moved me like the waves. It was slowed this time, I wanted to see every moment, every breath he took, how his eyes grew dark and feverish, his hands were impatient the more I took, I crashed in him and our breaths resonated in our cave, my body tremble but now I knew I was not falling that Joel will catch me and he did. He kissed my temple and my face caressed my back and my hips, I was sweating, shining and it felt like a dream.

“You’re so sweet to me”

Sweet.

“You’re so beautiful, honey”

Beautiful.

I didn’t know what they meant, but I knew he was also sweet and beautiful to me. I didn’t not want this to end.

She slept on top of him for half of the day, her skin was softly covered in sweat and his. He had thrusted his hip to hers for a few more times. She let him grab her hips open her more. He fucked himself deep into her and she watched him, brow furrowed and lips ajar.

“So sweat, such a good girl”

Joel avoid thinking that she wasn’t exactly a girl or she wasn’t at first. All that existed was this cave, the sea and the heaven between her legs.

He was so drunk in her he had pushed her hips to him, a hand to her back to pull her to his chest as he could carved his chest open and let her nest inside. She bit his chest to control her whines as he pushed more and more until he spilled once more, not thinking, not even minding that she had cut his skin. With bloody lips she smiled satisfied.

He had tried to push her to the side or get out of her but she slapped his hands when Joel tried to.

Once the sun was high in the cloudy sky, she woke.

“Hungry?”

“Yes, but let’s find something else than raw fish?”

Joel though about putting back on the warm sweatpants and undershirt he had wore the night of the wreckage but the girl had just got out naked of the cave and he thought it was silly to cover. They walked around the island. Joel found fruits he hadn’t seen before once he explore being so focused on a way out. On the top of the hill he had once climbed he found a tree with long roots that look strong enough to thread.

He created a small bundle with leaves and carried the food he had found.

“We’ll eat and then I teach you how to run”

She made a grimace when she tasted the fruits, Joel would agree they weren’t the best one, he would’ve loved to give her strawberries and grapes, maybe oranges and sweet peaches.

“Fish is better” she said agreeing to eat but still making a disgusted face.

“I agree this is not the best”

Joel wanted to know more about her and also keep living in this fantasy where she was real and he was somehow the happiest he had been in years, Joel has casted the world away but it had kept coming back now the world had finally let him out. But thinking about knowing more about what she was about how she could even exist made all this dream crumble down.

“What’s your name?”

She looked confused.

“Mine is Joel. You must have one”

“I don’t know “

“You don’t know it?”

“I think we don’t have one”

“On how you call…” he left the words roam in his tongue. Were there more of her? Did she have a family?

He looked at the immense sea before him, the shades of blue and white foam kissing his feet. There must have been more.

“You can give me one” she finally said “call me how you like”

“ I will think about it” he agreed “come on up, it’s time to run”

She lighted up, smiling widely.

Joel started walking on the firm sand faster and faster and she followed watching intently his legs when they started lifting the sand as he grew faster. She giggled though she had less control of her legs at this speed.

She tried to keep up to him grinning widely, chest heaving.

“C’mon, are you going to let an old man win?” He joked

She tried to rush but stumbled with the dry algae on the shore. Joel stopped and came back to her worried. But she laughed still, a delicate hand on her chest. 

“Are you okay?”

“I like running” she giggled. Joel thought his heart exploded. It’s been years maybe an eternity, maybe another life or world since he had made somebody else happy. He felt his own smile on his face like dormant muscles waking up, finding new places in him that were dead. 

The air carried the salt from the sea, the scent of it everywhere from the sand to the algae and the trees and her. His girl, all new and made for him, an apparition in the darkness, his savior in so many ways he could not explain. 

Joel thought she had never been more beautiful that in that moment, the sunset shining on the transpiration on her skin, her joyful laugh, from her belly to her lovely teeth. 

What was miles away wasn’t real, this was, his broken life and heart had drowned in the sea.

the mermaid had picked up a corpse of a man, a carcass and she had breathed life into him.

“We will run as much as you want then”

The girl stood and threw herself into him, still smiling and heavy breathing she let him hold her by the waist back to their cave. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel taught me so many things. Running was the happiest I’ve felt, my body fills with air and it burns my chest, but I feel my legs hitting the ground carrying me farther and farther, and this laugh it comes all the way up and I cannot stop. 

Joel taught me that he likes to eat other things rather than fish. Every thing here taste too much like earth, warm and sticky. The fruits Joel found were sweet, they get stuck on the back of my teeth and its juices stay for hours on my lips, Joel taught me that’s exactly how sweet things are, like honey, like me. It stays with you. 

He is gentler with me now, delicate, he insisted in carrying some of the trees’ leaves, he split them to threads and took the fishes bones to thread them. When is not working on whatever he’s doing, we lay together. 

He talks to me about his life on land, told me he made things, houses.

What are houses?

Like this cave, he answered 

A place to live. 

He told me about Sarah. 

It was an accident, she was just on our yard and then…she was gone. I could not be home anymore. 

I sing when he gets sad or I kiss him. The way he taught me. I open myself to him. 

I’m not afraid of falling anymore, I embrace this body and how sensitive it is, Joel knows every place he needs to touch to make me spiral and he shows me what I can do for him too. 

I kiss his face, his chest, listen to his heart as he falls asleep. And the moon is starting to disappear, I do not have time. 

The most amazing thing he has showed me it’s fire. He collected some black stones that cut the flesh of fish so smoothly and he showed me how smashing them together, heat appeared. He blew air into it and the light emerged. I gasped and he laughed.

No more raw fish, he promised although I don’t know if that’s good.

He took my hand and at first I pushed him away.

Don’t you trust me?

I was brave and I let him guide my hand to it, it was warm, as warm as Joel. I know I understand. 

Joel is fire and I’m water, Joel is the ground where I ran and the sun that hit my skin and I’ve been cold my whole life, the colours here are brown as his eyes and hair, golden as the sun and the embers of the fire he creates, my skin was cold and slippery as a fish until he got me. This body was made for him, in his image and one day I’ll be back to being cold and being water, slippery in his hands.

“Do you like it?” 

We made love in a no longer dark cave. The cold light of the moon mixed with the warm of the fire just as the two of us were joined, I sat on him, hugged his body, him so deep in mine, he grabbed my head and kissed me, blew breath into my lips in words of love I don’t understand but feel.

My sweet sweet girl all mine 

The next morning I felt it.

Joel said that fire was the thing that made humans evolve. It birthed society and power. 

And now I felt it, inside of me, growing fast as we learned to do, to survive. My mission is completed. And mother and sisters warned me, once it is done, I have to get back. 

I let him sleep for a few hours more, wondering how to cut this thread in my new bones and organs that tights me to him. He wakes up, no longer in nightmares but with a smile looking at me. He sees my tears and holds me immediately. His eyes search mine his big hands holding my head searching for the answer to my sorrow. 

What’s wrong my sweet girl?

I cry harder, I wail for my fate, for the ocean and its rules, for my mother and sister and for him. He tries to calm me, rocks me softly as the sea. And then

“If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

Everything I have found dear

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed

To make this man of me

All my stolen missing parts

I've no need for anymore

I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days

Days of you and me

Back when I was feeling broken

I focused on a prayer

You came deep as any ocean

Did something out there hear?

All the complexities and games

No one wins, but somehow, they're still played

All the missing crooked hearts

They may die, but in us they live on

His voice is deep as the ocean roars, I feel the air coming out of his lungs and his heart beating.

I stopped crying and he hums in my ear, I feel his smile “better now? You sang to me on the first day, you healed me” 

I said yes, but I lied. I never felt this, just the opposite of being made so full as he has done. I feel empty, a dark and cold pit has opened inside of me as the ones in the sea bottom. 

He tried to let me down and I held to him fiercely. “I’m not going anywhere, just going to finish our bed” 

“Do you know what a bed is?”

I shake my head

“ we are going to sleep somewhere comfortable, soft and not on sand and some dead men clothes. Maybe I can thread enough of this roots and leaves and make clothes, or a blanket. I don’t know if the weather will always be like this here” 

“Do you want to stay here?” I asked

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you want to come back…home?”

He looks puzzled, his eyes wondering around my face.

“I have no home but here, but you “

I hold my breath, push back the tears until my eyes burn. 

Joel doesn’t understand what has come over her. But she holds her body over his while he’s threading and when he lights the fire. He calls her little monkey but she doesn’t know what they are. 

She is kissing him deep as soon as the sun sets, lays on the sand and opens her legs “please Joel” 

He feels his knees cracking, his back is killing him but he lays on top of her, kisses her from her forehead to her breast, bites her soft skin as he did the first day, open her pink lips, drinking his sweet girl until her legs closed around his head trembling. Joel sighed as he was pull inside her.

“So perfect” he praised, his hands roam the body of his savior, of his lifeline. Words of love got stuck on his tongue, not yet forming he kissed her. 

The slumber found him fast as each night since he was stranded in this island, a deep dream of water and peace. 

He woke up when the light of the first rays hit his eyes. He was cold, the weight of her not as usual on top of him, curled under his arm. He touched the bed around him, she was not there. 

He waited, maybe she grew hungry. But she didn’t come back. Joel started pacing around the beach, the footprints of her feet disappeared with the waves and Joel wondered if she had to be back temporarily. But at sunset, she was not there. He screamed and howled at the moon, he then knew she would not be back, Joel knew she cried for that, he was alone again in the dark far away from anybody. He cried for her until the sun came back.

“Please come back” he whispered, he cried and howled. 

Joel waited until the next sunset until he decided that what the bullet couldn’t achieve years ago, the mighty cliff in the island could, he climbed as the lights of day were dimmed, when a white bright light shone in the vast darkness of the sea.

 A ship. 

He ran, his feet bleeding for the climb on naked feet, cuts on his face from the foliage.  He got shore when they were close scanning with lights on the beach.

The survivor of the Perseus 2 was a miracle. Every newspaper, tv news and video on social media talked about it. How Joel Miller, 45 years old, was found almost two months after the wreckage and disappearing of his ship. The coast guards of many countries had already abandoned the search when a similar boat that went through the same route started finding signs of the wreckage like small bread crumbs on the sea till a tiny isle appeared in the middle of nowhere. Despise being labeled inhabitable centuries back, Joel miller survived and was found in great condition. He didn’t speak for days in the ship, he only insisted in getting in the boat after he had returned to the cave where he had been taken refuge, he didn’t let any other man in. He came back with a pink conch and it is the only thing he carry with himself from that experience. He was left in Texas and didn’t give any interview even if every body wanted his testimony.

Tommy miller picked his brother from the port after years of having no news of him. He found out his brother was officially missing once the Perseus didn’t make it to the next port they were expected to. For two months he wondered how he could go on knowing he had never made peace with him. Until the sea opened up and returned his brother. Tommy Miller didn’t say the things he had rehearsed:

Why did you leave me?

Why didn’t you call me?

Tell me where you went

How did you survive?

He just hugged him.

Now he receives a postcard each month and presents for his baby and his wife Maria, his brother goes to Wyoming for holidays and it’s getting use to texting, e-mails and social media.

Tommy hasn’t asked why but his brother decided to live by the sea. On a cliff to an open ocean, build a house with big windows that only look at the deep blue. And what’s weirder, he has boat, and sails, even has gotten back to sea to that remote part of the world from time to time. 

But he’s happy, open and that’s what counts.

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He is somebody in that little town, he has made a name for himself, he made the bar counter at the pub he goes every night, a bright and big wooden bar that has already some beer stains prove of so many fun nights of the people’s town. He caresses the wood feeling a sense of pride he has not felt in a long time. He gets a pat on the back and warm smiles from his neighbors, Chris and his little brother who needed a new roof, Tess that needed help with her house repairs after her husband left, bill and frank the pub owners that invite him every night even if he was paid generously for the job.

But every night Joel Miller walks by the sea alone, listening to it and sleeps with the windows open to it, wondering if she will be back. Not in flesh as he mostly thinks now she was a vision, a way of coping, he survived by himself, his brain created that perfect creature to save him, to cure his loneliness. But he still wonders if he can conjure her back to life in his dreams. But nothing comes but the sighs and waves of the sea.

Eventually, he almost forgets and gets a little life, a shop where he sells his wood art and guitars, and offers his hands to whoever needs it. Invites Tess from time to time to coffee and takes her to proper dates. Flights to Wyoming and holds his niece, only sometimes he finds himself by the window touching without realizing it that pink shell that it’s almost now just a decorative item.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime when he dreams he feels itm the dark fingers of the sea creeping in his lungs, being lost inside the dark mouth of the ocean and a silver ray swimming towards him. A smile full of blood and flesh of fish, a supple body under him, the sand on his feet. Can it be true?

It was a dream that fade away with the last sip of coffee every morning, sometimes he wouldn’t even remember that he dreamed of it again passed a few minutes. Sometimes he finds himself lost looking at the sea, the waves crushing furiously close to his house. Why did he want to live here? Why was he so adamant to leave the sea?

He had lost something he thinks but he cannot quite put a word for it and the shell lays in his hands without noticing he has pick it up. 

Sometimes the sea brings a song with breeze, a murmur so soft and sad, and when he doesn’t realize it he walks up to the beach beside his house. Since Tess moved he doesn't roam around the beach like that that much and he doesn’t hear it often.

“Joel?” he feels Tess hands embracing him from the back

“Hmm?” 

“I asked you where do you find it?” She has the pink shell in her hand, inspecting it

“I…”

He tries hard to remember, the boat, the men that died, the girl, was it a girl? He remembers a laugh, shiny and delicate like tiny bells, he remembers the cold and chewy flesh of the fish still on his tongue and her kiss, the first one when he was dying biting his lips, no, it was not a girl then, it was…that couldn’t be true. He must have lost oxygen after the wreckage, he must have been dehydrated and disoriented on a tiny isle. There was no girl, he was alone.

“Are you alright?” she looks concerned at him and puts the shell on its place where it serves as a reminder of his survival, how did he do it? He dares not say 

“It was a gift” he finally say 

His eyes wonder on the horizon searching for something he does not even have a word for. The old Joel died on that isle, tore his flesh and bone to become something new, when he arrived at this town he was empty now he had a full house of life and love. His eyes become glassy looking at the waves crushing and although he doesn’t remember what he looks for he is thankful for it.

Deep in those waters, oceans away where the light of the sun does not reach, a siren sings a song about the man he met and had to abandon about the miles she swam to try to save him even her mission was already completed, a baby was inside of her that would ensure the future of her species, she had, as mother had told her, just to make sure the conception happened the soul of the man was irrelevant. But she saved him in more ways than she knows in the deep sea. 

Author's note:

This is sooo long I'm sorry, if you've arrived here first of all thank you, I know this is a weird fic but I hope you like it, if you do, please reblog it's the only way this site works.

*Mangata : the glimmering, roadlike reflection of the moonlight in the water.

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #43 | 7.30.24 ๋࣭⭑

tis the season of crescence x fenir

It's peak hot girl summer time. Not sure how many of you saw the sunburnt art trend going around on twitter, but of course I had to take part in it with the other hot girl in the Alaris cast, Druk.

look at those 34DD's

I drew this early this month, but I am still thinking about it. Let us take a moment to appreciate this gift together.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's get into the devlog!

I've been jumping around a lot between different routes this month, but it's been fun since I definitely enjoy the polishing/editing part of writing more than the drafting part. This past month, I got my hands into Fenir, Druk, Etza, and Kuna'a's routes LMAO.

For Fenir's route, I actually have bittersweet, but exciting news! OG Alaris followers may remember I had Vi (of @nextinline-if fame) helping me with line editing. She did an amazing job with Kayn's route, but unfortunately she isn't able to continue working on Alaris due to personal/professional obligations. I, of course, support her and wish her all the best in all her future conquests and am super grateful to have gotten the chance to work with someone as talented and kind as her <3

Stepping in to help is close friend, Allie Vera! Allie helped me with intertwine, and hails from besties' Lost in Limbo and Blooming Panic fame (amongst many other cracked VNs). I'm very excited to get to work with Allie again, and they are already knocking it out of the park with Fenir edits! Everyone please welcome Allie to the Alaris team ^^

On my end, I've been doing my own line editing for Fenir and Druk's routes now that I'm able to revisit the scripts with fresh eyes. As usual, Etza developmental edits continue forward, and we're getting into the last stretch. We've added in a lot of cute moments and really fleshed out the romance more so Etza's romantic side can shine <3

With Kuna'a's route, I'm doing the same-old, same-old. Fleshing out scenes, ironing out plot details, etc. Because I was bouncing between so many routes this month, I didn't have as much time to sit down and really Write Kuna'a's route. But I will say I'm already pretty happy with the script. I've added a couple more emotional beats and, in general, have been connecting plot points that already make the route feel stronger, so I'm excited for you all to eventually see it!

My little notion word tracker showing word goals (left), actual word count (center), and words left to write (right)

In the last bit of exciting news for writing, we are approaching an exciting milestone!!! I told you all when we started Kuna'a's route, we had approximately 100k left so were finally getting into the "double digits". Well, now we are approaching the last 50k!!!! All of the routes are ~50k, so 50k is my benchmark for one whole route. It's exciting to see that we are getting to the last bit AUUGGHHH

As you can see, the writing front was pretty busy this month. Because of that, I wasn't able to make much headway on art. I do have this sneak peek of a Druk CG, as I try to make progress on his beta!

licks him

Final count for CGs right now is 20, though! Out of an estimated 54. So we're slowly approaching the halfway point, which is super exciting \o/ And this doesn't include the handful of CGs I already have sketched up and just need to be rendered (sketching is the most time-consuming part for me, so once a sketch is finished, the CG is basically done in my eyes LMFALSIDJ).

Finally, this past month we've been working on Fenir's beta testing!! It was his birthday month this past month, so happy birthday to our little grumpy guy <3

Birthday piece gifted by Extremely Talented @endys that I still cry over. If you haven't played Snow White Ashes....... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??

Beta testing has been going well. Here's a couple of gems from feedback so far:

giggles like a madwoman

he's like a little kitten in a wet cardboard box all alone

Kayn, looking at Fenir: I want that twink Obliterated... so cute.

If you'd like to try out his beta, sign up for Hydra on my Patreon!

The beta will be running a while longer as I make progress on Druk's beta. The time span between Kayn and Fenir's beta was about a month, but honestly trying to get the beta out in that amount of time while balancing the rest of dev kinda killed me. So Fenir's beta will be running for a bit longer than a month. I'll let you all know when Druk's beta will go up so that you can hop in on Fenir's before it ends if you want. But just remember, each beta route only runs for that period of time, so get access to it while you can!

For market research this month, I played a couple of games but unfortunately haven't really had time in the way of fanart <\3 I'd like to get back into doing that since I feel like it helps me with art progress in general, so we'll see ;(

I do want to highlight a game that just dropped its demo this month and is currently running its Kickstarter! I'm sure many of you have heard/seen Save the Villainess on your timeline, and I hope you all check out the demo!! The art is stunning, as many people have said, and the premise is super interesting, inspired by many villainess manhuas.

If you're into darker stories, meta-commentary, and murder mysteries, please consider checking out and supporting the devs (@bestlaidplansproductions) as they've worked incredibly hard on this game!

As you can see, a lot of this month was spent on writing. With where the routes are at right now, I'm thinking I'll be able to focus more solely on Kuna'a's route this upcoming month and finally get that knocked out of the park. I also hope to make progress on the CG front! Wish me luck there... LOL.

That's all for this month! Hope you're all doing well (and surviving the many heat waves hitting the world), and I'll see you all next month <3