#the way lestat is the last thing she sees…. a white man sentencing a black girl to death and watch it happen…

[ash-and-starlight]

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[metroidspeedrun]

Aesthetic asks please, because Lestat would appreciate it.

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? Just 10 minutes ago lolfairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? Will I ever find the love I’m looking fordaisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Getting a job1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? Two days ago all my mom’s kids were together at 1 time and we were watching Stranger Thingsmatte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? I would do a ton of reckless shitblack nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? Nopepantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. A nerd, literally Lestat but mortal, very cute, likes supernatural stuff but doesn’t believe in the supernatural, a sinnamon bun, not American, has the wrong accent but it is still a good onemoodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? Nope lolstars: when did you last cry in front of another person? I was drunk and it was January 12plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. You bc you literally don’t sleep anywaysconverse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? I have lol and it is a bad idea every time but I can’t help itlace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? Literally never idek what happens after 3handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? That was fuckin sickcactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? They’re greatsunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. “She must have said: Let him look for me and see that I am gone” I feel like sometimes we expect people to be the same as we imagined/met them forever but sometimes people change and outgrow each other and we try to dig and dig and dig for a trace of the person we met only to find that they can never be that person again. I do this to people a lot and people do this to me too and I used to get really upset and cut people out of my life for just boxing me in like that, but the entire poem in itself really helped me to understand it’s human nature to see someone as they were painted for you.oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? “How to Fuck Up Everything and Start Over”overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? Get YouTube Red and also buy a house and my school bookscombat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? Yes and no because I ended up being abused on and off for 2 years by a boy that didn’t really care about me because I thought that he would change if I loved him more.winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. Dear Me, Sometimes we paint ourselves for other people, we paint ourselves in colors we’ve never even seen or liked, we paint ourselves in brighter hues just to receive a second glance, but you were the most beautiful photograph of myself. You were better than me now and I wish I could remember how to paint myself into the person that you were. I wish I could smile in your darker hues and think in your complex ways. I wanted to love you but we ended up loving everyone so much that there was no space for you. I hurt us and I’m sorry, I’m so different now and I wonder who I would have been if I had never changed you for everybody  else. I just look at how we were at twelve and I can’t help but feel like I’m looking at photos of someone long departed. I know you didn’t know who you were at the time, but you didn’t care and I ruined that by trying to be loved. I should’ve taught you how to love yourself before I tried to love anyone else. I tainted you, I thought it would be a great idea to expose you to the sun and all I did was burn you. I am so sorry. I wish I could have protected you from everyone who hurt you. I didn’t know. I really didn’t know.pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? Pasteltattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. I love love love them, always have, always will. It’s like art on your body. How can you not love art????piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? No, can’t do makeup and my skin is sensitive bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. “Her eyes look sharp and steady/Into the empty parts of me/But still my heart is heavy/With the hate of some other man’s beliefs” and like I grew up a JW so being pan poly is always something I will always carry guilt for because I still can’t get past being taught it is wrong and that I am wrong and the whole song basically explains what I’ve went through because of who I am and how I was raised. I always carry guilt with me because I struggle with my beliefs even though I no longer feel I am a JW.messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. I don’t want to just live, I want to be an experience for myself.cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. None, I’ve never beengrunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? Honestly this is so cliche and cheesy but my grandma who passed, idk I just want her to say that she was proud of me and loved me no matter what I would become.space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? My room and fuck nooo lolwhite bed sheets: what is your night time routine? Watch tv, answer a few messages, sleepold books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? Like the worst thing? Ig I wouldn’t want them to know that I considered sexting a college boy when I was a freshman because I wanted him to love mebeaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? Idk probs pink or like purple-ish because I would be a terrible blond and I love pastelseyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? You, my friend Maddie, Luc, Zoey, and Carsen and I want to go to Yosemite11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them 1) To have someone who would fall in love me on their own anyway meet me now 2) For that love to be mutual 3) For me to have a family of my own and be able to support them on my ownpainting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. I’ve never but I would love to be Ruby or Stevonnie from Steven Universelightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? I tried to kiss my friend while her ex boyfriend was in the next roomthunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Eat a roachstorms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? One song, it’d be Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden and I get bored of certain people and it would eventually give me really bad anxiety bc I’d have to force myself to like themlove: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. Yes, nothing is bad. Everything feels really good, literally like everything but you’re also like fucked if you know they don’t feel the same. I feel super jealous and I start to resent every person in their life but I eventually get over it and move onclouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? Yes and yes but I’m more of a boy so idk why I answered both and my hair is already short hahacoffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? Caramel frappe decaf and no one because everyone fucking forgets to order it in decafmarble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? Being able to pay for my books next month