#the way it’s set up (depending on how it’s interpreted and by who) is like a fine dining experience

[starberry-cupcake]

I want to tell you a story today.

Let me tell you about how I was finally able to finish a collection of incredibly specific 20+ year old elusive esoteric booklets, after years of looking for them.

No, no, wait, don't scroll past yet. Hear me out.

Is this the most interesting thing ever? It depends. Will it do numbers on tumblr? Not at all. Does this story sound like the statement from someone in The Magnus Archives? Absolutely.

"Statement begins", and all that.

Circa 2001-2002, I was a young girl and asked my dad for a little booklet on witchcraft. As young girls do.

It was part of a collection which was released in newspaper stands and, in my memory, it was something that you had to pay a bit extra to get alongside a specific newspaper, one that is rather informal. My mom also asked for one of the booklets, about past lives. My dad got them both when they released.

I was very interested in my little witchcraft booklet, I found the stuff both fascinating and recognizable. Any Latine can probably tell you about the very particular blend we have, especially in the outskirts of big cities, of brujería, curandería, santería and original people's cultural influences. The book reflected this in a way that sounded familiar and also gave new insights.

One day, though, my booklet disappeared.

I never had evidence of what happened but I had, at the time, a friend from school who was from a very religious family. She kept warning me about the book and how what I was doing was wrong and dangerous and how I would eventually "find Jesus". She just stopped mentioning it once the book mysteriously vanished. So, I don't have hard evidence that my book was taken, but I don't have much doubt.

I grew up and my interest for these types of things evolved to encompass different forms of folkloric and cultural insights, especially on how they represent different social contexts. I have a very particular and maybe conflicting view on spirituality but, in any case, these things interest me.

I also became an editor and I love peculiar publications. The history of publication of something, especially rare, can say a lot about its context.

I ended up reading and buying other books with esoteric themes, but that little booklet resonated still, because I could never find again something that spoke so directly to what I had grown up with.

There are a lot of publications about European and North American practices, very often the most popular folklore calendars are strictly set in the Northern Hemisphere. Some Latine authors tend to blend different things from abroad in their books, rather than talk about just us.

This little booklet was a one of a kind, I realized. In its humble and unapologetic simplicity, it contained the voice of who we were.

So, I set to find it again.

My mom had kept her booklet, the one about past lives. It had the name of the collection in it (Revelaciones), the name of the publisher (Agedit) and a list of all the books in the collection at the end. They were 12 in total. There was not a single author name in sight.

The list includes: Numerology, Runes, Past Lives, Modern Witchcraft (the one I had), Chiromancy, Tarot, Dream Interpretation, Crystals, Tasseography, Graphology, Chinese Zodiac and Astrology.

For a long while, my search only resulted in sold out listings of one or two copies. I also came across additional findings that made my search difficult (this is where I get nerdy in a publishing way):

These books had been out of print for almost 20 years, when I started searching.

These weren't really "books" per se, they were published as such (they had an ISBN) but were sold as if they were magazines.

They were never distributed to bookstores and didn't have any new editions or reprints: they had, most likely, only one print run for each booklet.

The ISBN of the book I had didn't show results online.

I found out the reason for these two points through an archived government official bulletin: the publisher went bankrupt in august of 2003.

Given that there were 12 books, they would have taken between 4 months and a year to complete the collection, depending on how often they came out, so the collection ended shortly before the publisher closed down.

Because of the way in which they were distributed (through newspaper stands) they were given by consignment, meaning the booklets that weren't sold were given back to the publisher when the next issue came out.

Due to the fact that the publisher went bankrupt shortly after, it's highly unlikely that remaining copies were sold as such, it's much more likely that they were sold as paper for re-purpose.

Especially since 2001-2003 was a Bad Time for the economy of Argentina. A Really Bad Time.

The books were edited before the book law changed to make mandatory the use of a bibliographical index, so the books themselves don't have the information now required to register a book printed inside them.

There is not a single author name anywhere.

I found out that the publisher had a very wide variety of magazines of different subjects, including a kids' magazine of the channel I started watching anime in as a kid. Between Captain Tsubasa and cartomancy there's just one step.

So, the only avenues left were patience and book sellers who dealt with used copies of both books and magazines.

After some years of searching, in 2022, the book appeared in two different online sellers: one sold it alone and the other in a set with other 8 books from the collection, including the one my mom had. The book sold alone seemed in worse condition and the set had a lower price per unit.

So, I bought the set of 9.

They were in pretty good condition, all things considered. These books were not meant to last. The paper weight vs cover weight ratio is bonkers (the cover is magazine thin), the binding is poor and the books are almost all slightly different sizes. They also have different fonts for the titles. From an editing point of view, they're atrocious.

That only made them so much more interesting to me.

Only one of the books I got in that set had an explicit author: Chinese Zodiac. I assume that one was commissioned to the person whose name appears in it. I did google the man and he doesn't seem to be much of a writer of the subject anymore, he specializes in Tai Chi and Kung Fu, apparently. Seems that his expertise only extended to that one book in particular.

The rest, though. The rest are a mystery.

I don't know if they were written by the publishing team or one person, but they feel like there was one person behind them, for the way they're worded and how they talk to the reader. Or, at least, a different person for different books. They're not detached enough to feel like the work of a team investigation project.

They are also more involved than a newspaper stand collection has any right to be. Talking about Saint Germaine and Cornelio Agrippa and geological specifics of crystal structure. At age 12-13 I wouldn't have paid attention to that but now, knowing what it takes as an editor to put this out and knowing they were a sinking publisher, I've got to respect the craft.

However, the ISBN situation is a NIGHTMARE. The collection changed the ISBN format for these books once every four books.

I could have stopped there. I had my original book, it was just as I remembered, and I got 8 extra books, some with subjects I was very interested in.

However, the tarot book was not included in the set. And that was one I really wanted to get. So, the search continued.

In 2023, my sister gifted me the tarot book. It was from a seller who only had that one and it was in worse shape than the rest. It feels like it was used more than the others. Something was definitely spilled on it. Someone might have learned with it for a long time.

It was very in-character with what I knew from the collection that it focuses solely on Tarot de Marseilles, which is the one most commonly used here (the cover of the book has an RWS deck, so whoever made the cover did not consult with the mysterious author, who used Marseilles iconography inside).

But, again, unnamed author. And the ISBN situation wasn't getting any better. The format of the ISBN in the tarot book matched the one in the crystals book, which gave me an idea of the order list being more or less accurate. Emphasis on "more or less", you'll see.

At this point, I was deep into this. I had 10/12 books, I thought I might as well try to complete the collection, right? How hard could it be?

Well, the two books left were the most elusive of the bunch: chiromancy and dream interpretation.

During my years researching these books, the chiromancy book showed up in pictures just once. I knew what it looked like, but I hadn't seen it for sale. Ever.

That is, until it popped up in early 2024.

I made a post about it at the time. This one was the most expensive of the bunch (not crazy expensive, not even the price of a brand new novel, but expensive in comparison with the others) but it was the first of its kind I had seen in all my years looking, so I got it as soon as I could.

By this time, some repeats had shown up here and there of the books I already had, including a Tarot book in better shape, but I had to draw the line somewhere. There are some that seem to be easier to find than others. Maybe because they were more popular back then, so they didn't get returned to the publisher to turn into pulp.

The dream book though? I still had never seen it.

Not a photo, not an old listing, nothing. I had no frame of reference for what that one looked like, only the title listed in the other books (Interpretación de sueños).

I started losing hope on that one. I started wondering if maybe it had never been released in the first place. Or that maybe it was the most popular one, so people kept it more often than selling it. After all, dream interpretation can be more mainstream a subject than palmistry or tasseography.

The one thing making me doubt that it was unreleased, the one thing keeping me going, was that the last two books on the list (astrology and Chinese zodiac) were listed in an incorrect order until the 11th book. Remember I said the list was "more or less" accurate? Things can't be that simple with this collection.

The list at the end of almost all of the booklets makes me think that astrology was meant to be the last one, but it ended up coming out as the 11th, and they changed the list order upon its release. Maybe the only known author who was commissioned, for the Chinese zodiac book, needed more time to turn in the manuscript.

I thought that, if they had taken the time to change the end list by the 11th book, even if there were only two left, they would have probably removed the dream one had it not come out as planned.

So, it had to exist.

Last week, I was thinking about the books again, as I have done for years, with my hopes of finding the last one almost non existent.

I decided to check in MercadoLibre and wasn't finding it. I went on google and wasn't finding it. I went to google images and nothing. I changed some of the words in the google images search here and there and...

IT SHOWED UP

It had been listed for sale 6 days prior to my search. By a bookstore called "Gluck". My German is beginner-level but I'm pretty sure that means "luck" (at least "glück" does). What are the odds?

The price was pretty cheap but the shipping was a bit steep, so I looked if they had a used copy of Lestat I was looking for, to make up for the shipping cost. I wanted an old Lestat to go with my well-loved 90s edition of IWTV. Turns out, they had an old copy of Lestat, for cheap, because it had what looks like a bite in a corner of the cover. A dog bite, I mean, or cat, not sure which. Perfect. Glück indeed.

So, last week, it finally arrived. The last piece of the puzzle. The dream book.

Turns out, the title was wrong all along.

The list had it as Interpretación de sueños and it was actually called El significado de los sueños. No author, but a promising table of contents. It wasn't the subject I was most interested in but the variety of topics covered is a lot more interesting than I expected.

Still, the most important thing here is that I FINALLY HAVE THE WHOLE SET.

Some insane things about the collection, now that I can look at all of it for myself:

Almost all are mismatched in size

Some have printing mistakes (for example, Astrology has cut marks and extra blank space that wasn't removed)

The last one is wider

The first one doesn't have the list of books

The one about past lives has a different title in the spine than in the book

The one about dreams has a different title in the list than in the book

The one about crystals has a different title in the list than in the book and spine

The one about tasseography has also a different title in the list than in the book and the spine

Most of the cover photos seem to be from different sources, I always believed the one my original book had was taken by the people making the book, because the little owl on it is a Kinder toy I had as a kid

I can now tell you how the ISBN works, so you can look at the madness with me.

The first 4 books have a different ISBN for each, with a change in the part of the ISBN that signifies particular book.

It goes from 8 to 11 and the book with the number 9 is listed as 3rd and not 2nd in the interior list (in my memory, it was 3rd, because that was my mom's book and mine came after, but who knows). All of these have a side bar code with the number 00001.

The next batch of 4 continues having a different ISBN for each book, from books 12 to 15, but the side bar code number also changes, going from 5 to 8, signifying the number of the book in the specific collection.

The last batch of 4 all have the same ISBN, as if they were the same book, with the number 22 (what happened to 16-21? who knows), but they do continue with the side bar code numbers from 9 to 12.

It's wild. I wouldn't have been able to predict anything from this.

Still, here they finally are. I have collected them all. And here's the one that started the interest for this quest.

Put together, they constitute a pretty vast amount of pages. The booklets by themselves look rather short but, together, it's a pretty impressive amount of stuff, and quite detailed for each topic.

I still don't know who wrote them, if it was one person or several, or if they even remember working on them, since it's been about 22-24 years since they came out and it seems to have been the dying breath of a now defunct publisher that didn't specialize in the subject.

But I hope that, wherever they may be, they know some people appreciated their work. Because these little messy books have a lot of personality and represent where I come from better than other more polished publications have ever been able to.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[moonastro]

groom persona chart

north node in the houses

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

the nn in the groom persona chart can symbolise what we will learn from each other from our husband and he from you. its also what fate events are stored in for the couple.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

nn in 1st house: this placement may have some identity issues with their partner and its not like omg he's so much more better than i am no no, this placement can usually question you whether you are doing a good job of being a partner to your husband, always worrying about them, making sure they have the same feelings towards you, constantly may battle your mind into thinking they dont love you as much as you love them, its more of concern or worry rather than anything else. the fate of your relationship with your husband can be tied down to creating an image of yourself through your partner or through their eyes. constantly this placement may encounter fate to do with rumours of their relationship, and being forced to live with others peoples opinions about their marriage or their partner, some may think that you could have done better or vice versa.

nn in 2nd house: the thing that you and your husband can have to go through is learning how to live with each other. it may be strange and there can be some invasion with personal space and getting used to having to share your stuff with them but its what you may have to work through. i feel like you two may have to go through a certain time with struggles with money if this is aspected badly, like there could be a time where you may be unemployed during your relationship with your spouse or vice versa. what i also noticed with this placement is that you and your partner could have to got through some sort of asset situation, depending of the aspects, this can be losing things, being prone to breakages/burglars/ stealing, or just spending money on useless things that done serve you for good.

nn in 3rd house: this placement can go through phases of communication blockages. often misunderstanding each other but it gives great opportunities to work on it and take time to understand one another, their intentions and their motives. the destiny for this placement allows the person to teach one another and especially learn about each other, constantly finding things about each other, however, i did realise some misunderstanding that comes with this placement that can make you think why your partner lets say acts the way he does or vice versa. language barriers are very common with this placement, often having a spouse who speaks another language.

nn in 4th house: this placement offers some time to getting used to each others comfort and energy. this attracts your partner and yourself to accumulate how to comfort each other and make each others safe place which indicates differences in style of living, agreeing on how to decorate your home according to both needs as you may have different styles and way of living. the destiny set for your relationship is creating a family dynamic between each other, having kids or having lots of it can be common for this placement. usually you can have difficulty expressing ones feelings for one another and can have your own way of expressing your love which can be quite indifferent for each of you, can be as simple as approaching this unconventionally, for example love language instead of expressing ones emotion could be making a cup of coffee every single morning, or agreeing to every tantrum they have etc.

nn in 5th house: you can actually learn how to be more carefree and loosen up when in a relationship with your husband. they will teach you how to be more creative, how to take initiative in different ways such as having a different approach to life. destiny set for this couple is definitely having different creative motives, one can be very creative, always creating new things, being active with art, music, developing etc and the other can be the opposite so that may be something this placement can have to work with and go around with.

nn in 6th house: fate with this placement can be rather difficult, you may have to go through different stages of reflection with your partner, always trying to find time for each other, work can be crazy for both of you or for one of you, this placement really needs to slow down with life and focus on each other rather than your own individually. usually the couple can be too busy for each other and with that could cause some trouble with creating a bond as they may even view each other as room mates at times as their lives can literally be like a schedule, wake up, work, home, sleep that kind of thing. usually destiny associated with this can be learning how to live with each others flaws, differences with their home styles, like one can be cleaner than the other or one may always clean and the other hates to clean etc.

nn in 7th house: destiny set for this couple can definitely be learning how to be loyal with one another. there can be some struggle associated with relationship issues such as cheating or being unfaithful for your partner. also having crushes and liking other people while being in a relationship with your partner can also be something that could happen for this placement. creating enemies while in a relationship with your spouse can be common, usually because you and your spouse could be very attractive and others may have crushes on both or one or the other and so this creates some enemies because you chose each other rather than the other people who thought they had a chance with you.

nn in 8th house: north node in the 8th house can bring an extreme intense change of outlook and setting of your life. with your husband, everything can completely change in your life from you comfort to your surroundings. the lesson that you may learn from each other is learning how to share emotions that suit both partners. there can be a missing piece to your bond but your fate with your husband can be to settle down with whatever transformations you may go through, talk through it and create comfort for one another. also, there can be rather extreme moment that happen between you two so it is important to be there for your partner and him for you in these hard moments. you may bond through your hard moments as well and that can create a very close relationship between you two.

nn in 9th house: so for this placement, the couple will eventually learn from each others previous experiences that they had and share them amongst each other and that may mould you or you husband. this placement has full faith in their partner meaning that whatever you may mention to your spouse, he may take it personally and have the same impressions as you. your fate with your husband can be tied to having same opinions and learning how to get over the indifferences in each others views and values. your relationship with your husband can thrive if there is a healthy solution to where you both agree to disagree or find a viewpoint in which you both agree with. there can be some getting used to your in laws as well.

for example-my mother has this placement and she has a difficult relationship with her siblings therefore whatever she says to her partner, he believes her and most of the things she talks about them is negatively and so my father has the same negative outlook on her siblings as well if that makes sense. even though he didn't see it happen or didn't experienced the negative experiences with them, he still hold a grudge towards her siblings even though they did not do those things towards him. its him believing her and her opinions. this also makes sense as the sign its in is in cancer so the emotional, trust, and family topics relates to her opinions and the fate that both share.

nn in 10th house: this placement often has some struggle with career and public image. usually one may view their career as the most serious thing in the world and may put it before their partner. also one partner can act one way at home and completely different when in public and in front of other people which can be something you would have to work on as this can be caused from being scared to be viewed a certain way. being too strict on your spouse, constantly arguing about things, having misaligning attraction towards each other, one may love the other more than the other does to them.

nn in 11th house: this placement has destiny set with their partner to do with social life, usually friends or anyone that either you or your partner hangs out with can cause some issues for the relationship, maybe causing less time to hang out like always being with friends rather than your partner, or going out to a friend or with a friends instead of hanging out with your partner and this can go both ways also. differences in goals, sympathetic reasonings like you may have different approaches to the problems with the world or people who have it way harder than you and your spouse could not care less, this can cause problems.

nn in 12th house: the thing you have to go through with your future spouse is that you'll have to learn how to spiritually connect with your husband. the destiny set for your relationship with your spouse is to finish something from a previous life with them, completing business and thriving in the place you are supposed to be with your partner. also being able to combat and talk through addictive substances for either you or your spouse as one of you may have an addiction to smoking, drinking, vaping whatever it maty be. it may be an issue as this can mean that you may not like it how your spouse does it or vice versa. another thing with this placement is that you'll have to get though unrealistic expectations of your spouse, you may think or idolise your spouse to a point where you can be disappointed so that could be an issue also.

[alfascorpiionux]

How to recognise the placements | Sun, Moon Edition ~ part 1

Sagittarius Sun: people who exude friendliness, are talkative, open minded, but also stubborn with their ideas. They can get mad about small things but usually don’t hold onto anger. Probably interested in some kind of sport or multiple. Talk freely about things many would shy away from: sexual experiences, family problems etc. Can be forgetful at times or overly insistent with their idea, blunt. They are pretty realistic people, with feet planted on the ground.

Some of the friendliest people you can find overall.

Gemini Sun: friendly, talkative but a little distant emotionally. Super smart, maybe a little nerdy. Interested in technology, new discoveries. May seem a little shallow or uncommitted.

Overall a great conversationalist with a wide range of interests.

Probably many acquaintances and/or friends (depending on other placements).

Could be quarrelsome or on the contrary resort to passive-aggressiveness. Very attuned to social dynamics in general.

As other air signs, he/she can seem a little detached from reality at times, with “his/her head in the clouds”.

Values friendships a great deal.

Aries Sun: changing when it comes to communication, sometimes talkative other times lost in their own world. Generous to people close to them; could be sort of mean/blunt with strangers. Explosive outbursts when angered. Could have a hard time admitting when they are wrong; sort of bossy at times; very hardworking and self-motivated people who always provide for people close to them and are dynamic and creative communicators with a special kind of charisma that draws people in.

True to their word, but impatient people. Could be passive-agressive about the most unusual things.

Words of affirmation is one of their love language. They like giving and receiving gifts too.

Aquarius Sun: can feel like a stranger in their own skin. They are super smart, individualistic and friendly people who have a really difficult time fitting in. They somehow always feel like the odd one and could at times push away people without really meaning to. They value friendships a great deal and would do almost anything for a close friend. They are super loyal at time to the wrong people. Compassionate, unique and insightful are words that would describe them well. They think outside the box and like being objective in communication. They can be sensitive in close relationships and people could take advantage of their kindness because they tend to ignore their problems and not always speak up when they need to. In fact when they do people always look at them strangely and give them the side eye. They can feel awkward about they way the speak and/or their personality in general. Could have trouble communicating their ideas and needs especially when young.

Libra Moon: these people will always be kind and polite in public, even when they’re seething inside. Have a sense of style and broad outlook on life, relationships. They like being liked even if that means not truly revealing themselves or keeping their anger hidden. They can be huge gossips at times and usually compare themselves to the people around them a lot or at least pay great attention to those around them, sometimes to a fault. They can falsely interpret people’s words/intentions at times. Wide circle of acquaintances is likely. Could be talkative or not. Quite idealistic in love.

Could have problems with passive-aggressiveness or fear of conflict.

Could be musically talented or love dressing up, decorating their home nicely.

Capricorn Moon: private, pragmatic, reliable people. They likely don’t talk about their private lives, not to just anyone and could take secrets to the grave. They are true to their words and constant in their actions. Could fear showing vulnerability and prefer keeping their emotions in check and solving their problems by themselves. They are always making plans, setting goals for themselves and like being productive. They cannot just sit still and do nothing all day.

Very hardworking and ambitious, sometimes to their detriment.

Very patient and calm in face of adversity.

Sagittarius Moon: it’s not that easy to recognise and it can go very different ways. They are people who love being active and hate feeling cooped up in any shape or form (of course this could mean commitment phobia too). Adventurous, love trying out new activities. Travelling is likely on their agenda as well. Highly philosophical and righteous people, at times egocentric. Friendly, talkative but not necessarily emotionally open. Very individualistic. It could take a while to really get to know them. Very curious people who love learning new things and expending their horizons in every way. Sometimes they can be emotionally unstable/have anger issues especially when feeling restricted in their activities.

Overall very optimistic and friendly people to have around who will surprise you with their questions and their special outlook on life.

Pisces Moon: have a truly charming aura that draws people in. They are kind, sensitive people who are somewhat introverted. They need their alone time and are likely musically talented. People want to get to know them but it’s not always easy. They can be a little changing in friendships or just ignore their friends altogether, especially when they fall in love. Many crushes are possible. They are idealistic in love. Very tolerant but also sensitive, they really absorb the energies of those around them. Could exhibit selfish behaviour as a manner of self-protection when feeling overwhelmed with life. Could be flacky with appointments and is rather moody. Emotional yet private, could keep secrets for a long time if he/she wanted to.

Likely loves being in nature and/or animals.

Aries Moon: very present and emotionally intense. Explosive outbursts when angered but usually they don’t last long. Doesn’t really hold grudges. Very active and curious. A little blunt in communication and doesn’t always notices subtleties. Steadfast and loyal especially to the people he/she loves. Very expressive emotionally (depending on the Moon’s position) and could have a hard time lying because their emotions are literally written on their face when they speak.

Likes making friends and talking to new people. Generous person.

Aquarius Moon: very tolerant, diplomatic and intelligent communicators. Very individualistic much like the Sagittarius Moon and needs their space in relationships. If the Sun is in Libra/Gemini it could lead to the person becoming very popular in their community.

Probably has many friends and is very intellectually curious and compassionate.

At times he/she could feel like an odd duck even when surrounded by likeminded individuals.

Creative, insightful but a little rigid in their beliefs. Could get offended if you press the right buttons but is not necessarily argumentative. Very loyal in friendships though it takes some time to really get to know them. They like being objective and not express their emotions as freely as other placements. They can be stubborn and unpredictable at times and definitely have a temper.

Leo Moon: loves attention and praise and adores being in the spotlight. Very warm, loyal and kind friend who’d always go the extra mile for you. Fiercely protective, especially of their close ones. Creative, passionate, a little dramatic, they’ll always have their way in the end. Creative, confident and charismatic individuals who draw people in. Likely very stylish.

Could become somewhat egocentric and shallow in relationships and loves being right.

Virgo Moon: is perfectionistic, detail-oriented and critical both of others and themselves. They like planning ahead and are constant and pragmatic in pursuing their goals. They can read into other’s intentions and can at times find faults when their is none. They like analysing themselves and others people. Are likely very health-oriented and conscientious people. Reliable, stable and good-natured are words that describe them well.

Scorpio Moon: very intense, loyal and highly serious about personal relationships. They know the value of a given world and can get really pissed off by dishonest, flaky people. They cannot but live their emotions deeply and they’ve likely have gone trough some really heavy, possibly traumatising experiences in the past that have shaped their current emotional world. They are the “ride-or-die” kind of people and it takes a really long time to gain their trust as they are typically quite distrustful of others, especially in the beginning. But if you’ve managed, they will never ever abandon you and would bring you the stars in the sky if they could to make you happy. They will listen to your problems and become your biggest confidant and friend. Be careful not to betray their trust, though. They aren’t known to be the most forgiving people.

Cancer Moon: very loyal, caring and kind but also private people. They would do anything for a family member and can be fierce and sassy when angered, contrary to what others may think. They are organised and rather methodical people but also sensitive, emotional and very in tune with what others are feeling. Can make extremely loyal and trustworthy friends.

At times they can be shy and secretive and don’t exactly like conflict. They could hold onto grudges as well, if someone really upset them.

[mixingandmelting]

hello! may i request for how would the batboys be with an "i'll eat only if you eat too" type of s/o? thank you <3

A/N: I’m not familiar with that trope so I’m assuming it’s the tiktok couple trend? if I interpreted wrong, let me know 😔

Dick: 

As someone who also values the “together” part between couples, it always warms his heart when you insist on eating together. He knows it’s your way of showing how you care for him and his well being as he’s being loved as himself. Not as Nightwing. Not as his civilian persona. If the reverse were to occur, he definitely wouldn’t be able to eat as he’d be feeling that he's being negligent and inconsiderate of you. It’s how he develops the habit to always eat with you whether it’s getting back on time to eat something you cooked or getting take out for two. He always wants to do things with you no matter what it is so he can always be with you and doesn’t want you to ever think you’re lacking or not doing enough. In fact, to him, the way you are is more than enough. You being you was what had him fall head-over-heels for you from the start and he’ll honestly die with a broken heart if you try changing because of him. 

Jason:

Surprising enough, he also understands and appreciates the sentiment. To be fair, when he was caught by Bats after his failed attempt in stealing the tires from the Batmobile, he was treated to a meal at some diner before getting taken in. The appreciation of sharing a meal didn’t come back once he was revived until meeting the Outlaws which then was cemented when he met and envisioned his future with you in it. The first time he got you a meal and not himself was his last as it had led to an argument between the two of you. When you reveal you wanted to make sure he’s also caring for himself, it made him think how he’s not going to be able to find another person who’ll treasure him like you. He does acknowledge that his family cares for him despite their differences, but it won’t match with how his heart speeds up from how you look out for him. Since then, he’s been eating most of his meals with you as he finds food tasting better when he’s with you rather than eating alone like usual. 

Tim:

He is very much aware that he can’t argue against you when it comes to you telling him you’re eating only if he eats. With the number of times you caught him going through energy drinks including the other day when he was on his third can of Celsius, even he admits his diet isn’t exactly healthy. So, it won’t help his case when, at rare moments, he complains about you saying that only to get shot back with your fears and concerns for his health. In those moments, he gets sheepish and gives in from the justification of your argument, ordering something for himself and you when stopping by at a drive-through or pulling himself from his work to head to the table where you set a plate in front of you and him. Most of the time, you aren’t saying that line as he’s already planning ten-steps ahead on where and what the two of you will eat (of course with consideration of your taste) in an attempt to get you to stay with him longer. 

Duke:

He gets where you’re coming from but the reason he pushes back is because he wants to show that he’s dependable and capable of caring for both you and himself. If he’s hungry, he’s going to get himself while asking you if you want something as well. If you aren’t hungry, he gets sneaky and buys something small knowing you’ll want a snack or drink later. When it comes to you and you’re hungry while he isn’t, you are his priority and he’s going to make sure you get fed. He ends up consoling you when he sees the guilt and worry in your eyes, letting himself take a bite of whatever you’re having or a sip. He stops there though, which you have no choice to begrudgingly accept as he promises to go get something if he gets hungry. It’s endearing and he always cracks a smile whenever you tell him that, getting fuzzy from how tender you are to him.

Damian:

He’s the one who won’t get it. It always leads to you two fighting whenever you get stubborn and refuse to eat unless he does. No matter who he had asked so far from Dick to even Tim of all people, he still doesn’t get it. He’s not hungry. You are. So you’re the one who should be eating, why do you need him to eat with you when you’re old enough to feed yourself? There’s nothing hard; it’s pure logic. When you try to explain food tastes better when it’s shared, it never goes well as he simply points out nothing is being done to the food when it’s being shared except for the portion getting smaller. That’s how arguments always go along with the same ending where you’d get fed up and simply stuff his mouth. Cue his expression morphing from offended to reluctant acceptance as he’s awarded with either a grin or blush from you, both equally lovable and adorable. By the time the food is gone, he has been eating as if he’s disgruntled when he’s actually enjoying sharing a meal with you.

[pumpkinpaix]

Very curious for your opinion- what do you think of it when people write modern au wwx as being very active in social justice movements? Personally, I can buy it but I don't think it should be a given?

maybe an unwise first question to pick out of my moldering askbox but whatever it's the first one that i felt like i had an answer prepared for off the cuff so yolo i guess!!

short answer: at this point, i don't buy it. It's a detail that I can and have put up with for fics i really like for other reasons, but i think it's pretty far off the mark in terms of how I understand wei wuxian's primary motivating forces.

ok now to get into the weeds! :D

there are several reasons why wei wuxian being heavily involved in social justice movements doesn't ring true to me--the easiest one to point to from outside the narrative is that the sort of activism wei wuxian is written to participate in is often modeled on how social justice circles look in the US. It feels really culturally alienated in a lot of ways. I can't really blame authors for this, though, because it's a very understandable approach to write what you're familiar with--but it does often take me out of the story because i find it kind of jarring, especially if the story in question is ostensibly supposed to be set in China where modern social activism necessarily looks very different than in the states.

but that kind of feels like metagaming the question, so: in terms of interpreting the text, i really just don't think wei wuxian would be inclined to that kind of work for two main reasons.

first: I think he'd be really bad at it lol. social activist movements are necessarily collaborative, and wei wuxian is kind of terrible at playing well with others, compromising, discussing, etc. he often favors action over diplomacy and has terrible impulse control, tending to act first, think later, often to pretty devastating consequences for the people he's ostensibly standing up for. See: antagonizing Wen Chao, which precipitates the chain of events that ultimately leads to the massacre at Lotus Pier; confronting the jins and basically threatening to kill everyone at jinlin tai if they opposed him, thus alienating all his potential allies and leaving the wen remnants essentially completely dependent on his individual power for survival etc. thus dooming them entirely when he died.

(also see: "can we stop talking and just start killing each other" at guanyin temple)

even really minor events in the past show the same kind of pattern, such as at the qishan conference when he throws his support behind wen ning as an archery competitor--wen ning panics in the spotlight and flubs his shots to public ridicule from being put on the spot. jiang cheng is the one who drags him away in mortification while wei wuxian simply doesn't give a shit about how it reflects upon him, not really considering how it might reflect on his sect.

i'm not saying that these were "wrong" actions to take in the moment: wei wuxian has an admirable righteous streak. he does not, however, always take other people into consideration when he makes his decisions. he basically ignores anyone who tries to change his behavior, sometimes carelessly, sometimes reacting with anger (Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji, literally everyone post-sunshot frankly). that kind of individualist mentality is really ill-suited to activism, which requires an understanding that the individual has less power than the group and that you cannot bend the world around you. a lot of fandom comes down super hard on characters like jiang cheng and yu ziyuan for the things they say to wei wuxian, but i think they're honestly quite understandable, even if the way they express themselves is sometimes cruel or hurtful. the rationale isn't particularly surprising. It's one thing to act in a way that gets yourself hurt. It's another to do so when you know that your position will drag a whole lot of others down with you.

i feel that even if wei wuxian had the interest in joining a social activist group, he would probably eventually butt heads with the others until they either expelled him or he left himself. his thick skin would be a great tool in certain calculated actions (he would do very well as a symbol or a charismatic fall guy) but unfortunately, he's not very good at listening or adhering to a plan.

second: i just don't think wei wuxian thinks about systems of oppression very much. i summarized how i feel about his relationship to class already in this post from like 4.5 years ago (jeez.....) and I still stand by it! wei wuxian is not particularly class conscious because he is, in fact, relatively wealthy. he also like, pretty clearly doesn't think very hard about women's work or status either, except in personal terms--after all, he plays with A'Yuan frivolously, planting him in the dirt and does not think about the kind of work that goes into maintaining a standard of living, which is often women's work. (before anyone says anything, yes, i am aware he is not outright misogynist about women's work). throughout the text, wei wuxian just doesn't put a whole lot of thought into how a woman's gender might affect her status and power.

furthermore, this is kind of mentioned in the class meta, but again--wei wuxian's defense of the wen remnants isn't singularly motivated by the desire to uplift an oppressed class, because the wens are not an oppressed class. They are a sect, which is both familial and alliance-based, not an ethnic group or a class of people. Their treatment is still unconscionable, but it's not systemic oppression. the attempted killing of all the wens is not much different than xue yang's vendetta against the yueyang chang clan, except in scale. and until wen qing comes and personally begs him to help her find her brother, wei wuxian doesn't really have any thoughts to spare for the wen remnants and how they might be faring. he goes to help wen qing and wen ning because he owes them both a serious personal debt, which is something that he feels strongly about! and once he gets to the camps, he obviously isn't going to just ignore the other people suffering (esp because they are the wen sibs' immediate family). he is righteous, after all, but often fails to apply it in a big-picture way.

wei wuxian cares a lot about paying back those who have been kind to him or have helped him, which is pretty evident through his self-sacrificing streak throughout the narrative. he often forgets or deliberately does not take his own well-being into consideration--but, as established, he also forgets that he is not an isolated entity and that his well-being is tied to the well-being of others as well.

throwing himself in front of the brand to save mianmian, making sure everyone else gets out of the cave before he does, immediately coming to terms with having his right hand cut off, giving up his golden core, publicly distancing himself from yunmeng, personally defending the wen remnants, taking jin ling's curse mark onto himself, making himself into the yin flag at the second siege and so on--it's all one long extension of paying back debts, in some way.

personally, I think this is because he considers his entire life to be one that is owed--his life, his skills, his body etc. is all owed to others. I also think, however, that this tendency is often confused by fandom into characterizing wei wuxian as having low self-esteem, which he patently does not. wei wuxian thinks he's hot shit. he's arrogant, a show-off, and is so insistent in his own skills and abilities that he icaruses himself into literal bits. when he thinks he's about to lose his right hand he's like welp. guess i gotta learn how to do this with my left, without really any question about whether or not he can. of course he can! he's wei wuxian! can he bring wen ning back from the dead? for sure!! definitely!!!! can he totally do this night hunt blindfolded? hell yeah he can! and he's usually right. i think wei wuxian has very low self-worth, which is a different thing: he throws himself away at the drop of a hat for others that he cares about or feels indebted to because, whether consciously or unconsciously, he thinks that their well-being, survival, happiness etc. is something he should ensure at any cost, even himself because he owes it to them. he owes his whole existence!

so circling back to the initial topic, I think this pattern of thinking is pretty at odds with social activism. he puts those he feels he owes above himself, but doesn't have a lot of attention to spare for people he considers irrelevant--which is most people. (never learning jin zixun's name, for example). I think that while he understands the nature of systems of oppression to a certain degree (like, he understands jin guangyao's motivations, but he's not particularly interested or sympathetic), it's not something he's really passionate about correcting. his reaction mostly seems to be like "well, that sucks". he only really goes out of his way to defend those that he has personal affairs with or those that happen to pique his notice

wei wuxian doesn't actually have big-picture ambitions. he didn't want to be a leader of anything or start his own sect or anything else. he doesn't spend much of his thoughts on making a better world so much as how he might be able to be content in the world that exists with the people that he cares about. that kind of self-focused drive leaves me unconvinced that he would get involved in social justice in any meaningful way in a modern au. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think that makes him a really fun protagonist, tbh. the tension between his selfishness and his propensity for self-sacrifice makes for a very interesting dynamic.

.....

:'] i guess i never left the weeds.

(ko-fi)

[seellove]

Could You Stay a Little Longer // drug dealer!sukuna x reader

Masterlist

Chapter 2 // (12.1k words) // Explicit - 18+

\|/ AO3 - Chapter 2 | << Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 >>

You're pursuing a master degree across the country, but are currently back in your hometown housesitting for your parents. They've told you all about their undesirable new neighbor, but when you start to get to know said neighbor, you realize he isn't all that bad. Your controlling boyfriend won't let up on you and you grapple with enjoying the company of this drug dealing neighbor boy, Sukuna. Nothing about this is going the way you planned, but is it so bad to let yourself be treated well for a change?

The cultural setting for this is technically economically depressed, rural USA where good paying jobs are hard to come by and there's not many opportunities in small towns, but it could really be anywhere that meets this criteria!

Content Tags/Warnings Throughout Work: Reader and Sukuna are mid 20s, mentions of recreational drug use and drug dealing, mentions of abusive/controlling/manipulative relationship (not Sukuna), could possibly be considered cheating depending on your interpretation (not Sukuna), angst, smut, fluff, time skip, prison time, happy ending trust!

Day 3

You decide to continue cleaning out the gardens this morning, once again trying to get ahead of the midday heat. As you head towards the road, the morning chorus of birds in the trees bring a sort of serenity to the neighborhood…until you notice Sukuna’s yard looks anything but peaceful, wrecked once again. 

It’s not surprising considering how loud things were over there last night. It didn’t keep you up per se, but you definitely could hear the loud music and cars engines revving all night long. The man definitely did not seem to want to keep a low profile that’s for sure considering the neighborhood already had it out for him. Thank god for earplugs.

What is the point of cleaning up yesterday if he just trashed everything less than 3 hours later? 

You throw your earbuds in, get on your knees, and start pulling weeds. It’s tiring and uncomfortable, but you figure if you do a little at a time each day you’ll have something good to show for it by the time you leave. Attempting to try and decipher the ways of the immature, cute, bad boy across the street wasn’t something even your advanced schooling could help with.  

After some time, a shadow appears where you are working, blocking the sun temporarily.

“You’re up early tomato girl,” Sukuna’s playful voice sounds from behind you. 

“I could say the same thing. Seemed like you had a late night. Don’t you have stuff to do during the day?” you chide at him, taking out your earbuds and setting your weed pile to the side so you can turn around. 

He’s in shorts and a t-shirt with a backwards hat smothering his wild hair, red eyes hidden by a pair of shades. He’s smirking down at you and you notice he’s holding a pair of hedge clippers.

“Sweets, I’m a dealer with a suspended license, what do you expect me to be doing all day?” 

“I don’t know, counting pills. Counting money? How should I know?” you retort. 

“You’re cute for thinking that’s what I’d do all day,” he teases. 

You just roll your eyes in response, you honestly don’t care to know, it’s not something you want to know anything about at this point.

“I’m going to clean up some of these shrubs,” he gestures to some plants on the edges of the garden.

“Oh that’s not necessary-“

“I know it’s not, but I’m a grown adult who can make his own decisions. Also tired of these people who won’t get the fuck out my house, I’d rather be around someone I actually enjoy.” 

“Why do you have people over if you want them to leave early? Drugs and booze aren’t exactly conducive to people getting up and at ‘em in the morning,” you tease him as he starts working on a bush a few feet away.

“They’re my childhood friends, but they’re some degenerates who don’t do shit all day. They always promise they’ll be out by 8, but it never happens,” he sighs as he prunes his way around the shrubbery.

“Hey Kuna what’re you doing out here?” you hear a girl’s voice from the road. You look up and see two girls walking your way. They look pretty hungover, must have been some of the company from last night.

“I’m helping my neighbor with some yard work, are you all going to be leaving soon?” 

“Yeah, we were just about to go. Just wanted to see if we could buy something before we leave,” the other girl smiles at him. 

“Go ask Toji or one of the other guys, I’m busy,” he responds bluntly, not looking up from what he’s doing. 

They seem to take the hint and walk away, leaving you both alone again.

“Do you let girls sleep with you in lieu of paying?” you ask.

He bursts out laughing. 

“Fuck no, I’m actually pretty picky about who I’ll sleep with. Just never know their true intentions, especially because I’m weak for some good pillow talk. Haven’t been with anyone in a while now that I think of it since I got in trouble with the law again, maybe I’m paranoid of undercover shit or something.”  

You just nod in agreement, a surprisingly astute and mature response coming from him. It makes sense, but you’d expected him to be more free spirited and reckless. His pillow talk comment makes you internally laugh, you can totally see that being a thing, he’s so emotional and expressive after all. 

As you both continue working, your mind wanders back to your conversations with Cam last night. He’d ripped into you about Sukuna answering the phone while on your walk. 

He’d never let you have guy friends, so being around a random guy yesterday definitely set him off worse than usual. You did feel a little guilty about hanging around Sukuna, but it felt good at the same time, you enjoyed his company. With Cam not here, you had more freedom than you’ve had in ages, so you were keen to take advantage of it for a few days.

“Lemonade break?” you nudge his side as the heat starts to distract you.

“Yeah, fuckin’ brutal out here,” he runs his fingers through his hair.

You go retrieve some glasses and find Sukuna leaned back against the trunk of an old oak tree. You sit next to him, passing him an ice cold glass.

You both sit in silence, letting the cold liquid quench your dry throats, enjoying the soft breeze in your shady refuge. Sukuna’s hat is off, tufts of his pink hair dancing in the wind districting your gaze. 

“Do you think you’ll come back here after your grad school?” Sukuna asks once you’ve both cooled off.

“I haven’t decided yet. I love the area where my school is, but I do miss my family and friends here. Just harder to find a job ya know?” 

It was one of the reasons you’d moved away, to have a better opportunity at research opportunities and post graduate options for your chosen degree. 

“That’s valid,” he responds, stretching his long legs out on the grass in front of him. “Do you still have a lot of friends here?”

“I do, but a bunch of them got married pretty quick and already have a kid or two. Only a few of us are still childless,” you laugh. 

“Figures, seems to be the way things go around here. I remember my mom saying something about how no good girls will be left if I wait to settle down, but it seems like there’s still some goods around,” he turns his head to look at you, sunglasses pushed up on his head now.

“I like to think I’m pretty decent,” you laugh, averting your gaze as you feel your cheeks heat up.

“Better than the crew who I hang around,” he snorts.

“I mean that’s not saying much,” you joke with him.

“Oh please, you know what I meant,” he huffs.

“I could set you up with a decent single friend or two,” you nudge his side.

“Two? Shit, that’s just asking for trouble,” he picks at the grass between his legs, tossing it at you absentmindedly.

“They’re nurses, they’d take good care of you.”

“I’m sure they would. Maybe one day, tomato girl,” he laughs. 

“A gift for you,” he leans your way, presenting what looks like grass to you.

Except it’s not grass, it’s a four leaf clover. Some good luck in his future perhaps?

“You don’t wanna keep your luck?” you giggle, laying it in your palm so both of you can get a better look. 

“Eh, you might need it more, I’m already pretty lucky I live the life I do and haven’t gotten in more trouble.”

“I’ll cherish it forever,” you smile at him, leaning against his arm, the bark of the tree starting to hurt your back. 

You both watch as people slowly trickle out of Sukuna’s house, the line of cars parked on the side of the road disappearing after another hour. 

“You want some more vegetables?” you ask him.

“For meeeeee?” he gasps, giving you a fake surprised look.

“Yes you goof,” you laugh. 

“What’s your offer?”

“There’s some radishes and jalapeños over here,” you get up and point to some plants you had been weeding around.

“Well sure if you’re offering,” he smiles, navigating his way carefully through the garden and cutting a few of them off. 

“I’ve got some stuff to do, but would you wanna come eat dinner at my place tonight? I was gonna whip up some stuff with the tomatoes and I can go ahead and make some stuff with these too…you know as a thank you for sharing,” he says as a faint blush appears on his cheeks, spreading to his ears.

“Oh? Sure, why not. Want me to bring anything?” you respond, feeling a little flutter in your chest.

“Bring your favorite wine,” he grins at you. “I’m gonna start cooking at 5, feel free to come by anytime after then. Sounds good?”

“Um, yeah, that sounds great. Thank you,” you suddenly feel all flustered. It’s just dinner with your temporary neighbor.

In his house…but he can’t drive…so this makes sense right? 

What if Cam finds out? 

There’s no way.

You deserve this though. How many times has the man cheated on you and gaslit you into oblivion until you truly believed you were the reason for his infidelity and abusive actions, like no matter what you did it was never good enough?

You deserve to have one nice night with someone who is kind to you. Eating dinner with a friend is not wrong. Hell it’s not like you ever get to go out with your friends back home because of his controlling nature.

“If it’ll put you in a bind with…him, you don’t have to,” Sukuna’s voice jerks you from your thoughts as if sensing your inner turmoil.

“Huh? No, it’s fine. He cheats all the fucking time, god forbid I have dinner with a friend,” you retort, unsure if you are responding to him or trying convincing yourself. Probably both. 

Sukuna grimaces but quickly replaces it with his trademark smirk. 

“Great, I’ll see you later then,” he turns and walks back to his house. 

As you watch him walk away, your inner self is doing cartwheels in excitement. It’s almost like…

You like him. Crushing on the neighborhood delinquent with the mysterious red eyes and the fine ass tattoos adorning that shredded body. The kind hearted boy who’s captivated you in three short days. 

Nah, you can’t be. Like you said, it’s been three days, you hardly know him…right?

***

You were staring at yourself in the mirror, analyzing the third outfit you’ve tried on. It’s not like you brought that many clothes, but you want to look put together and like you put a little effort in!

You can’t even remember the last time you were giddy and excited for something, and that makes you sad, realizing just how shitty your relationship situation is back home, slowly bleeding the life out of you. 

You grab the wine bottle of choice, some popsicles for dessert, and lock up the house, leaving the light on in anticipation of coming back after dark. The walk across the street and up to Sukuna’s porch is over quickly, noticing for once his car seems to be the only one in the driveway. 

You knock on the door and wait, suddenly wondering what it’s going to look like on the inside. You figure it’ll either look like a frat house bachelor pad, or sleek and clean with nice furniture that could only be afforded with drug money.

You’ll soon find out as you hear heavy footsteps on the other side before the door opens up to Sukuna in an apron overtop of a t-shirt and shorts. It catches you off guard seeing him domestic like this, but it quickly fades as his excited smile greets you.

“So glad you came tomato girl, right this way,” he says, holding the door open for you. 

“Nice apron,” you tease as you place the bottle on the counter. The inside is leaning more towards sleek and sophisticated. Black kitchen table, black chairs, black living room furniture, black cabinets, some type of stone countertops, and so on. It’s not what you expected, but you can’t deny he has good taste.

“Tch, thanks. These tomatoes are really juicy and I was worried about getting them all over me,” he laughs, moving to the other side of the kitchen island to fiddle with some pots on the stove.

“So what’s for dinner chef?” you sit at one of his bar top stools across from him, scanning the area around you. Everything seems very neat and organized, you’d never suspect someone with a record lived here if you walked in without knowing him.

“My appetizer, if you will, is chips and pico de gallo. Made the chips myself, aaaaaaand, the pico features your jalapenos and tomatoes of course,” he pulls a bowl out of the stainless steel fridge and places it in front of you. Chips were already out on the counter.

“Wow you make your own chips?” 

“Damn straight, no bagged chips here,” he points his wooden spoon at you playfully. Something about this big strong man wielding a wooden spoon around in this animated way makes you giggle in amusement. Never a dull moment with him.

You take one, dip, and eat, the satisfying crunch loud in your ears. It’s so good, better than any other chip or salsa you’ve had lately.

“Soooo verdict?” Sukuna rests his elbows on the counter and stares at you with wide eyes, eagerly awaiting your response. His backwards baseball hat hides some of his unruly pink locks, giving him an almost frat boy aesthetic.

“Delicious! I’m impressed,” you say, emphasizing the warmth in your words, reaching for more.

“Sweet,” he mutters with a grin. “I know it doesn’t really go with the chips and pico, but I’ve got some homemade tomato sauce going that we’ll eat with meatballs and pasta. The theme of tonight's menu is tomatoes after all, regardless of the meal classification, so I think it fits,” his eyes twinkle with excitement. He seems proud of himself and it’s oddly heartwarming. 

Your mouth is watering because it all sounds and smells so good. This is the last thing you expected him to be doing, whipping up meals from scratch in the kitchen.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“Actually, yes. First pour us two glasses of your wine, and second, come stir this sauce for me, I need to cut this pasta up.”

“Homemade pasta too?” you gasp.

“Duh, you think I’d feed you inferior boxed pasta?” he smirks as he fishes a wine opener out of a drawer, uncorking the bottle and procuring two glasses. 

“I mean most of the time, men aren’t serving me anything except disappointment, so even boxed would be impressive,” you laugh. 

“Well you’re in for a treat then sweets,” he winks and passes you his spoon. He opts to pour out the wine and sets a glass next to where you are standing. 

Sukuna busies himself with pasta, meatballs, and even some garlic bread while you stir his sauce.

“That’s probably fine now,” he eventually reaches over you to lower the heat, his chest lightly pressing against your shoulder. He’s definitely got some height on you so you don’t even need to duck out of his way.

“Come with me,” he grabs your wrist and drags you towards the back door. Out on his deck you realize there is an abundance of fresh herbs in clay pots.

“You get the basil, I’ll get the parsley,” he instructs, showing you how to properly remove the leaves. 

All of this just keeps surprising you, it makes the butterflies form in your chest again. At this point they might as well just take up refuge there. 

How can you be falling for someone with a record? A drug dealer for god sake! It seems like it has bad idea written all over it. Plus he’s said himself, he doesn’t do long term stuff. 

“Hey!” Sukuna’s voice snaps you back to reality, “I asked if you need any help?”

“N-no, I’m good, I think I got enough,” you stutter, almost convinced he can hear your thoughts. 

“Yep looks good to me,” he answers after coming over to inspect your haul. 

Once back inside, it’s only a little while longer before Sukuna starts plating everything. You are about a glass and a half deep into the wine so you’ve settled at the kitchen table, eagerly awaiting the food.

“Eat up!” Sukuna exclaims as he sets the plates down, joining you at the table.

“Sukuna this looks amazing,” you smile, “thank you again, this was so nice of you.”

“But of course, anything for my neighbor,” he responds. 

“Cheers,” he holds out his wine glass which you gladly clink against with yours. Just as he’s about to take a bite, his phone rings. His playful demeanor instantly turns to one of annoyance.

“One moment,” he gets up and answers.

“What?” he barks into the phone. 

“You absolutely will not come over here, in fact, you can tell everyone that if anyone comes over here tonight I will put a fucking bullet in their leg, got it?” he says in a commanding tone which makes you jump. 

He tosses his phone on the counter and rejoins you.

“Sorry about that,” he sits down like it’s business as usual.

“You can just flip that side of you off and on at will huh?” 

“I have to. Makes it less likely that people will fuck with me,” he explains as he digs in, “it’s just a facade though, like I’d never talk to you that way…unless you wanted me to,” he says with a sly grin.

You practically choke on your food at the bold comment. Up until this point he hasn’t taken his flirty, carefree attitude in that direction, but it churns up some type of feeling deep inside of you that you haven’t felt in a long time.

“Easy there,” you laugh, kicking him lightly under the table. 

He just shrugs with amusement and takes a long sip of his wine. 

“So when people come over here, are they picking up or what?” you decide to probe at him, the wine making you braver.

“Sometimes. I don’t keep much product here. Mainly people come by to drop off cash or get assignments. I’ve got people who report to me who handle most everything lower level like deliveries and sales. I deal with more high level stuff: managing the finances, figuring out markups and pricing, and coordinating with the wholesalers. I am the boss after all,” he grins, twirling some pasta on his fork. 

“So what’s the plan when it inevitably all blows up?”

“Excuse me? Do what now?” he chuckles while hitting you with a questioning side eye.

“You heard me, I feel like this can only be successful for so long right?” you reiterate.

“Oh ye of little faith,” he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “Well, I guess that would mean I’m either dead, or locked up.” 

“That’s pretty extreme. So there’s no backup plan?” 

“My parents’ inheritance I guess. I’d go back to college with it and get a degree in something I suppose,” he muses.

“What made you drop out?” 

“Honestly my grades were shit. I was in a frat and wasting my parents money partying and fucking off, so they stopped paying and I moved back here. Got involved with my old high school buddy, Toji, with this shit and well here I am, the fucking king.” 

“Interesting. I was just curious,” you set your utensils down, plate completely clean.

“How about you though,” his crimson eyes bore into yours intensely, piercing you so sharply it catches you off guard. 

“What happens when your situation blows up?” he continues.

“What are you referring to?” 

“Your loser boyfriend. The odds aren’t good for women in abusive relationships.”

“It’s not technically abu-“

“Ima stop you right there and call bullshit on that tomato girl. I’m speaking the truth and we both know it. So again, what happens when your situation goes south.”

Your mouth is completely dry, no one has ever spoken about it in this way. 

“I guess similar to you, I’m either dead or in jail,” you retort, causing him to smile with amusement.

“Clever. I like that. Hopefully it’s neither, or at least if you’re in jail it’s cuz he’s dead,” his eyes flick back up to yours. You stare into his gaze, lips partially open as you process everything.

“That sounds so morbid but it may or not be a possibility I’ve mulled over in my mind,” you add.

“Well if you need an accomplice, you have my number,” he laughs, taking your plate and his and dropping them in the sink before coming back to join you.

“What do you say, do you think I should leave this all behind? Start over?” he says in a low tone, swirling the wine around in the glass and watching the liquid slowly settle out. 

“It’s not my place to say Sukuna.”

“Would you like me more if I did?” 

You cock your head at him with intrigue, unsure of what he’s getting at.

“I’d like you just the same. I like you for you right now. That’s why I’m in your house.”

He sighs, tapping his fingers on the table, staring up and away from you both.

“Let’s say, hypothetically, I wanted to settle down with some lucky lady. You think I’d have to stop to have a chance at that?”

You pause, hanging onto his words before answering. Is the wine making him say this stuff? You both hadn’t drank that much…

“I’d say it depends on the lady. If I was going to get with someone like you, yes, I’d probably want you to leave that life,” you give him a playful smile, “but I’m sure there are women out there who’d be content to support you in this life and not expect you to change.”

“Hmm, maybe.”

“What about me though, should I leave the man who’s holding me back?” you challenge him.

“Tch, is that even a question?” he rolls his eyes, reaching to rest his hand on yours. Your heart is pounding, thrumming in your ears, making you almost shiver in anticipation. 

“It is, I asked you after all.”

“Then yes, you should.”

“Would you like me more if I did?”

God is it the wine making you say this stuff? 

Sukuna arches an eyebrow in a wordless response, his gaze slowly moving to meet yours before shifting down to your lips and darting back up again.

“Whether you’re with him or not has no bearing on me doing this right now.”

In the moment it takes for your ears to convey his words to your brain, he kisses you. Your eyes widen in surprise, it must have happened in seconds. He’s standing up now, one hand on the table, the other gripping your chin and tipping it up while his soft lips envelop yours. 

The butterflies you’ve become painfully aware of the last few days ricochet around your insides like fireworks in the night sky as you lean in and kiss him back. It doesn’t stop there though, he’s pulling your chair out, cradling you against his chest while you cling to him, lips still locked as he moves towards his living room. 

He falls back into the couch, positioning you so you are straddling him. 

“Sukuna I-“

“Shhh, don’t talk, not right now,” his voice deepens, observing you through lidded eyes. 

And then his large, strong hands are in your hair, gripping your cheek and the back of your head as he pulls you into another kiss.

His lips crash against yours. It’s consuming, claiming, completely losing yourself in him as you force your tongue into his mouth. Sukuna groans against you, meeting you halfway, his soft tongue dominating yours as he deepens the kiss. Your noses brush against each other clumsily as you familiarize yourselves with the other’s movements. 

You feel almost out of practice, you can’t recall the last time Cam kissed you like this. His style was moreso fuck with the most minimal amount of foreplay, and even that was a generous word to describe it. If you do suck at this, Sukuna appears to have no qualms by the way his arms are wrapping around your back, pulling you against him, and devouring the shared air between you.

Your hands find his hair, dragging his hat off so you can thread your fingers through his soft strands. The scent of his shampoo wafts into your nose as you ravenously kiss him back. You shift yourself, groaning as you feel his hard bulge pressing against your groin, catching your clit even through the extra layers. 

“Fuuuck,” he moans into your mouth, starting to nip at your lower lip as his hands wander down to your ass, rolling his hips up to meet yours.

You haven’t felt this alive in literal years, so drunk off the way he nibbles and sucks at your neck while you grind yourself against him. You can feel yourself soaking through your panties, hoping he can’t feel it through his shorts. 

“Lemme go get a condom,” Sukuna whispers, his breath hot on your neck, eliciting a sharp whine from you as the image of what’s to come infiltrates your mind.

Wait, a condom? For sex? He wants to fuck you, god know you wanna fuck him too right now.

But you have a boyfriend, what are you even doing? Acting like a whore? Cam will be furious, you’ll be in trouble-

You start to panic, pushing yourself back from him abruptly.

“What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend!” your voice cracks as he quickly removes his hands from you, leaning back into the couch to give you the space you were wanting.

“That piece of shit doesn’t deserve that honor,” Sukuna growls in response, his eyes flaring up in irritation.

“You’re taking advantage of me while I’m away from him, you’ve been putting these bad thoughts about him in my head this whole time. You’re no better than him. A criminal, a bad person,” you start to ramble on, freaking out at the thought of the fallout. If he found out.

Sukuna’s eyes flash with pain, your hurtful words piercing through his heart. 

“Right…,” he finally utters, averting your gaze and biting his bottom lip in discomfort. 

“I’m leaving before you turn me into more of a slut than I already am,” you push off of him, leaving him alone on the couch.

“You’re not being a slut! You’re allowed to be treated with fucking respect by someone,” Sukuna retorts, standing up as he follows you to the front door. 

You whip your head around to face him, hand on the doorknob.

“I’m a cheater, no better than him.”

“Is it really cheating when the person who’s supposed to love and respect you is constantly unfaithful and could even be doing so right now? You say it yourself, you don’t even know if you’re exclusive or not. Please, let me show you what a decent man can do, how you should be treated,” his eyes are so full of raw emotion, his hand pushing on the door next to you, partially caging you against it, but still allowing the option to leave. 

You look away from him, tears in your eyes. Everything is so confusing right now, the desperation on his face, the longing for him in your heart, the fear of Cam. It’s all just too much and you need to get away from all of it right now.

You pull the door open, and Sukuna doesn’t stop you.

“Good night Sukuna,” you stutter as you open the screen door, hearing it slam behind you. You move quickly to your parents house, never looking back towards Sukuna, unaware of the way he watches you leave full of hurt and confusion.

For the first time in his adult life, he was considering giving it all up. 

All of this. 

For you. 

The desire to be a better man, the man you never had, the man you deserved, was coursing through his veins. He thought you had felt the same way, what else could you have possibly meant by those questions? It felt like you’d kissed him with such passion and desire, how did this end with him staring at your back as you walked away from him?

Had he read the whole situation this badly? 

No, you had wanted this just as much as him. You break down with the realization as soon as you get inside, back sliding down against the door as you erupt into a sob on the floor. What’s wrong with you? Why couldn’t you just have an ounce of self esteem and break things off for good, let yourself be taken care of by a good man, one who’s been nothing but kind and helpful since you met him. 

You both go to sleep that night thinking of the other, of the night that could have been yours together. 

Day 4

It’s a little harder to get out of bed today. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, yet here you were festering in your own gloomy thoughts. The only thing forcing you up was that the pets needed taking care of, it’s not like they did anything wrong in all of this.

The humidity is through the roof this morning, probably the worst it’s been since you got here. Normally that combined with a bluebird day means thunderstorms in the afternoon, so you decide to walk Macy in the morning to try and get ahead of it. 

You glance across the street towards Sukuna’s house. No extra cars were around and all the shades were still drawn. Based on the last few days, you’d have expected to see him at some point in the morning, but with what happened last night? No shot. That was probably the last of your interactions with him. 

As you continue your walk, you can’t help but feel guilty about everything. You’d felt scared, even terrified at the thought of hooking up with him even though you’d wanted to with every fiber of your being. The irrational fear of Cam finding out and you reaping the consequences had clouded your judgement. 

“Has he hurt you?” you recall Sukuna asking.

Yeah, he has. Your mind wanders to a dark place, recalling the most recent time he was physical with you. You’d gone out with your grad school classmates for beers one night, which in and of itself caused a blowout fight because three of them were guys. Guys with long term girlfriends and fiancés you had tried to remind him, but he wasn’t having it.

The night had ended with you and two of your male classmates being the last of your group after others had left. There was nothing remotely sketchy or inappropriate going on, just friends talking about life and plans after school. Cam however had decided to take matters into his own hands and show up unannounced, furiously locking eyes with you from across the room as the two guys sat across from you.

Things only got worse for you as he made a scene in front of everyone and practically dragged you out of the bar and into the alley, both of you yelling at each other. The fight only ended when he backhanded you across the face, accusing you of being disrespectful and using his favorite line: “and you wonder why I go looking elsewhere when you constantly act like this.” 

This. Merely existing and trying to defend yourself.

This behavior had instilled a crippling fear and anxiety of never truly knowing where he would show up. You wouldn’t put it past him to find you here. Your hometown is your one safe haven, hence why your location sharing has been off. But you can’t wipe the events of that night from your mind, no matter how hard you try.

You take a left down another road that ends with access to a creek, a place you’d loved playing growing up.

Would Sukuna even understand if you explained all this to him? It shouldn’t be his burden to bear, he probably is just looking for a fun fling, not a girl with baggage as far as the eye could see. Hell you wish you could just have a fun, no string attached night, but the devil on your shoulder can’t just let you be at peace.

You sit down in the grass and let Macy off the leash to play in the water. She loves swimming, and seeing her frolic around in the stream makes you happy for a change. Oh to be a dog just doing what you love, no romantic relationships in sight. You pull a tennis ball out of your bag and toss it into the water, watching Macy swim out to it before bringing it back. 

You repeat these motions until she’s had enough, scampering over to you and falling onto her side, panting in the heat. 

“Tired you out huh girl?” you laugh as you ruffle the damp fur on her neck. You both rest for a while longer before you begin your trek back to the house. Sukuna’s house is still devoid of activity as you head back down the driveway.

You give Macy a quick rinse off outside to get the mud and dirt off of her before letting her back in and preparing some lunch.

Turning on the TV after eating, you decide to have a wallow at home kind of afternoon given your mood. You’ll just binge something and gorge yourself on comfort snacks. 

Macy starts whining to go out after about two hours, so you get up to let her out in the yard. As you lay back down, sleepiness suddenly hits you and you drift off on the couch.

BOOM!

You are jolted awake by a loud noise, scaring the shit out of you. You look outside and notice dark grey clouds covering the sky. 

Great, the afternoon storms you’d predicted have come to fruition. The wind is gusting and rain begins to pitter patter on the roof as another roar of thunder shakes the house.

You know Macy is scared of storms, so you call out to her, trying to find her inside. After checking all her usual hiding spots, you are puzzled that she’s nowhere to be found.

Oh my god. 

You remember now, you let her out and then fell asleep!

You throw on your sneakers as quickly as you can, charging out into the yard as another round of thunder makes you cringe away from the sky.

How could you be so fucking irresponsible! 

Panicking, you run around to the back, hoping by some miracle that she’s there. You are only greeted by the wet deluge that pours down on you as the sky opens up, the fat raindrops splattering onto your bare skin almost mocking you at this point.

This is so bad.

You run up towards the street, frantically calling out to her, your voice completely drowned out by the rain, wind, and thunderclaps that have your ears ringing at this point.

After traversing one end of the street, despair starts to sink in. You are freezing, drenched from head to toe, not even knowing where your tears begin and the raindrops end as rain cascades down your face. As you come back towards the house, you see Sukuna’s out of the corner of your eye.

Maybe he’ll help you.

You literally have nothing to lose, so you bound towards his front door, happy to escape the rain under his front porch.

You bang on the door loudly.

“Sukuna! Sukuna it’s me, can you help me!” you yell over the storm, doubting he can even hear you and if he could, if he’d even want to be in your presence. He has no reason to talk to you again.

To your surprise, the front door opens and you are met with the moody version of the fun loving guy you’ve hung out with the last few days. His face quickly morphs into one of concern, opening the door and coming out to join you.

“Jesus what are you doing out here?” he inspects you, brushing water off of your face and arms.

“It’s Macy, I need your help. I accidentally left her out and then the storm started. She’s terrified of them and I think she’s run off,” you are fighting back tears, voice shaking with fear and likely from the chills that are currently wracking your body as the wind slams into your drenched body.. 

“Of course, lemme put some shoes on,” he responds without missing a beat, disappearing momentarily before coming back outside with a raincoat.

“Go back to your house, let me look for her,” he says gruffly, tucking you under his raincoat, arm slipping around your waist and guiding you out into the yard. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, listen to me please, it’s not safe to be out in this,” he says seriously as lightning streaks across the sky. 

“Gimme your car keys, I’m gonna take your dad’s car.”

“What about your license?”

“Hence why I’m taking the other car, no one will know it’s me,” he scoffs, obviously getting annoyed being out in the rain. 

You unclip your house key from the car key, giving it to him. You stand glued in place, staring at him as if paralyzed on what to do next. 

“Go the fuck on inside!” Sukuna has no patience at this point, dragging you to the front stoop and shoving you towards the door.

Time seems to pass at a sluggish pace as you wait. Five minutes turns to ten and before you know it, thirty minutes have gone by with no sign of the storm letting up. 

You almost go to call Sukuna when you see headlights coming down the driveway. Jumping up, you move to open the front door and almost collapse in relief as you see Sukuna carrying a sopping wet Macy in his arms. 

You rush upstairs to get some towels in preparation for the soaking wet mess that is about to come through those doors. You hold the door open for Sukuna to squeeze by you, standing on the doormat, water running down his legs and soaking the rug.

His pink hair looks darker now and completely is plastered to his face, eyes barely perceptible from being hidden by his wet strands.

“Oh my god, you found her! Are you ok?” you dab the towel at his face, wiping his eyes and cheeks before getting his neck and arms.

“As good as I can be,” he mutters, leaning down so you can towel off his hair. 

“Let’s get this mutt to the bathtub and dry her off,” he says. You untie his shoes and help him kick them off before leading everyone to the bathroom.

Not long after, Macy is as dry as she can be and trots off to hide under the kitchen table, tired from her little adventure.

“Thank you so much Sukuna, I-I don’t know how I can ever repay you. That was so selfless. Truly, thank you again,” you look up at him as he heads back towards the front door.

“Don’t mention it, what kind of man would I be to let a girl run around in the rain by herself. I’m gonna go now, stay dry tomato girl,” he ruffles your hair before disappearing out into the storm.

As you watch him walk away, your heart drops into your stomach. He went out in the fucking storm for a girl who hurled all kinds of accusations at him just the night before. Such an unselfish act, putting you first when he had no reason to.

You wish he’d stop, wish he’d turn around and come back. You want him to stay. Your heart burns with the need to be with him, be close to him, to apologize for everything and explain yourself. Hanging out together meant more than you realized judging by the pang of emptiness you felt as the day dragged on without him, like a part of your routine was missing.

A second chance. It’s now or never, seeing how he’s almost halfway up the driveway.

Your legs move before your brain can even send the command. You rush up the driveway, the pavement slick beneath your feet, lightning flashing in your peripheral as thunder reverberates around you. You reach for his arm, fingers slipping on his rain-slicked skin, but you do enough to get his attention as he turns around in shock.

“Get back inside! Are you purposely trying to drown yourself today!” he enunciates loudly over the storm, irritation plastered across his face.

“Come back, come back please,” you throw your arms around him, pressing yourself into his chest, your cheek plastered against the drenched fabric of his shirt. 

You stare desperately up into his face, the lightning illuminating his crimson eyes. Eyes that look troubled, as if trying to decipher your intent, trying to decide if you mean this or if you are just going to rip the rug out from under him again. 

The rain drips down his pink bangs and onto your cheeks as he looks down on you, seeming to study every part of your face.

“You know I want to,” he mutters, voice deep against your ear, “don’t do this to me if you don’t really mean it.”

“I want you Sukuna. Please, let me try again. I’ll explain, just come back inside,” you choke out, fingers twisting into the waterlogged fabric of his shirt.

In response, his lips find yours, enveloping you in a calm reprieve as the storm rages around you both. Nothing else matters, just his arms around you as you convey the desperation that exists for each other. Each brush of your noses dislodges the rain from his lashes and hair, showering you with droplets warm from his body heat. 

He picks you up, hooking your legs around his waist and intensifying his movements. He forces his tongue into your mouth, clashing with yours, exploring the softness of your cheeks and following the ridges of your gums. 

He strides back towards the house, devouring you, lips welded to yours as the wind blown rain pelts both of you.

The cold air indoors sends shivers down your skin as he opens the door, all your senses suddenly present again as the walls shut out sounds of the chaos outside.

“Where,” he groans against your lips, water dripping from both of your clothes and pattering against the hardwood floor.

“Downstairs, guest room,” you utter against his lips, fingers digging into his jaw tattoos as if clinging to him to shelter you from the storm in more ways than one.

Sukuna wastes no time traversing the staircase, kicking the bedroom door shut behind him and pressing you up against the wall, both of you groping and grabbing, tearing the wet shirts off of each other and letting them drop to the floor.

You both pause, his forehead pressed against yours, chests heaving from a combination of your passionate kissing and the chill air that suddenly hits your damp skin.

“I’m freezing,” you giggle, causing him to snort in amusement. You trace his chest tattoos with your finger, feeling the hard muscle beneath you.

“Yeah why don’t we dry off and warm up,” he plants a soft kiss on your cheek as he moves you both over to the fireplace on the other side of the room, setting you down gently on the carpeted floor.

You turn on the propane fireplace while he grabs some towels out of the attached bathroom, joining you in front of the heat.

You’re down to a sports bra and shorts, feeling a little self conscious at being so exposed, but the heat of the fire radiating against your bare skin is a welcome relief. 

Sukuna peels his shorts off so he’s just in his boxers and you take one of the towels and start to dry him off, working from his upper shoulders and down his back. You chase the small rivulets of water that’d collected in the dips and valleys of his back muscles, tracing the ink that follows a similar path. You move to each leg, encountering tattooed rings around his thighs that make your breath hitch, before turning him around to get his front side. 

You end up taking your sweet time as if memorizing the ridges of his chest and abs as you drag the towel down towards his waistband. 

He sits down on the floor, giving you easier access to towel dry his hair. You can’t deny that he looks cute with his pink locks hanging down in his eyes, but he’s soon running his fingers through his hair to give it his slicked back appearance again.

He in turn does the same for you, sliding your shorts off so you are down to your bra and panties, respectfully drying you from head to toe, not missing how his eyes burn a trail down your skin as they rove over every exposed inch like a spotlight in the dark.

Finally, he launches the towels at the wall, leaning forward to kiss you again as the fire illuminates the room, crackling flames dancing in the reds of his eyes. 

“I’m sorry Sukuna,” you say as you both pull away. His mouth twitches, eyes flicking towards the floor before looking back, willing you to continue.

“Last night, those things I said, you aren’t a bad man, you aren’t a criminal, you weren’t doing anything wrong. I wanted everything you were giving me, I was just…I just got scared. I panicked,” you say quietly, staring into the flames.

He takes your hand in his, rubbing his thumb along your knuckles in a comforting pattern.

“Cam, he has a history of showing up where I am unannounced and giving me hell for it. I don’t know, I just had the thought of him finding me, finding us-“

“I know I asked you this once before, but has he hurt you? Like beyond just words?” Sukuna interrupts you. 

You slowly nod your head, looking down in shame, feeling the tears start to build up behind your eyes.

Sukuna tips your chin up, sorrow in his gaze, caressing your cheeks as his thumbs catching the  damp streaks that inevitably form.

“It pains me to hear that, truly. You know you don’t deserve it right? It’s never justified, and it’s never, ever, your fault,” he says softly, pressing gentle kisses into your forehead. 

“I’m sorry too. I came on really strong, and I should have been more attuned to your feelings, knowing the things you’ve been through. Even if he did show up right now, I wouldn’t let him hurt you, wouldn’t let him lay a finger anywhere near you. You’re safe here with me. I promise.” 

“I know,” your lip trembles as you absorb his words, basking in their meaning. They are more heartfelt than Cam has ever given you, coming from a man you’ve known for such a brief time, even though in this moment it feels like you’ve known him forever. He’s someone you could predict, you can anticipate how he would react to things. Harming you was not a possibility.

“Why me though? You deserve to be with someone without all this baggage, wouldn’t it be easier to just have some fun with a woman that you don’t need to tread lightly around wounds that you never caused?” 

He takes your hands in his, watching how your fingers tangle with his before looking back up at you.

“And I don’t have baggage? I’ve been arrested three times now, move drugs for a living, and have a rap sheet longer than some people’s obituaries. Don’t paint me like I’m a saint, that opioid crisis they are always spouting off about? I make money off of it, people overdose and die because of what I do, what I provide them. The only difference is my baggage is self-inflicted while you never asked for yours.”

“We both can’t change what’s happened in the past, but we can change things for the future, we can help make each other better. Look, I-I know I’ve only known you for what, four days? Which seems like nothing, not even a corporate work week, but you’ve completely turned my life upside down. I know it probably sounds like I’m talking nonsense, but you’ve made me want to change everything, give all this up, and be a better man. 

And those four days, I want them to become 8, then 16, 32, 64 and continue doubling indefinitely into some number that I don’t even fucking know the name of, until I can’t even remember how it all began, just that it began and will end with you.” 

You swear you stop breathing, the air trapped in your lungs threatening to burst. Sukuna, the man you didn’t know you were looking for, found you on the same street where you started your life’s journey having grown up just 10 miles away from each other. Always so close, but never knowing it, you’d been like satellites in each other’s orbit, never finding each other until you needed each other the most. Two broken souls, using shattered pieces from the other to fill the gaps, forever binding yourselves together. 

“Sukuna,” you take a long pause, “I think I love you,” your voice quivers with fear as you utter such vulnerable words.

“And I know I love you.” he hits you with that boyish grin as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear before giving you a loving kiss, a kiss that has both of you grinning into each other's mouths, giddy with the excitement of what’s to come.

“I want to continue where we left off last night,” you whisper as you trail soft kisses down his tattooed jaw, earning a soft moan from his throat.

“I’ll follow your lead, go at your own pace,” he sighs as you move to his neck, licking and sucking at his skin, taking your time getting attuned to everything about him.

It’s different being with someone you trust. Normally you’d rush into the main event, hoping to get it over with so you could get away from Cam. Emotionless sex to try and buy his favor for another few hours at best.

But now, you are at peace to just reclaim moments like these, feeling safe enough to actually take the time to appreciate every facet of Sukuna’s body and showing him how much you appreciate him.

You guide him to his back, the flickering flames still providing much needed warmth as your hot kisses make their way to his collarbone. 

“Is this too slow?” you pause, worried you’re taking too long.

“Not at all, love it,” he responds with reassurance.

You continue your exploration of his body, tongue gliding through the ridges and valleys of his muscular physique until you reach the waistband of his boxers that look like they are about to burst from the bulge in their confines. You lightly stroke him through the fabric, earning a sharp groan from Sukuna as his erection twitches under you.

He feels fucking massive, but you’re determined to find out just how large as you coax him to lift his hips. Sliding them off, his hardened length comes into view and springs back against his abs. 

“Holy shit Sukuna,” you giggle in surprise. That’s going to…take some work.

“What?” he grins, palming himself as he sits up to look at you. 

“You know what,” you brush his hand away so you can take over.

“I knowwww, I’ll help you though if you decide you wanna go that route,” he exhales as you wrap your fingers around his thick shaft, slowly pumping his length.

“I do very much want to go that route,” you whisper in his ear as you pump his cock faster, thumb running over his defined head and dragging precum along his skin to help you glide more easily.

“Fuuuuuck,” he moans, throbbing in your hand as you grip him tighter, loving how vocal he is with each stroke of his cock.

“You’re gonna have to stop if that’s what you wanna do,” he teases, looking up at you through lust filled eyes, reaching out to grab your wrist reluctantly. 

You giggle as disappointment shows on his features when you stop gripping him. 

He strips you of your remaining layers, both of you now completely bare to the other. Picking you up, he moves you to the bed, laying your head down gently on the pillows as he sits back to admire you.

“So fucking perfect,” he sighs as he runs a hand from your neck down to cup your breast, thumb rolling your nipple until it hardens under his touch. He returns the favor to you, kissing and nipping all over every inch of your body, as if mapping it out and committing it to memory. 

“Sukunaaaa,” you say his name between breathless moans as his tongue rolls your nipple in his mouth, the other being worked by his skilled hands. Your hands are in his hair, nails digging into his scalp as he continues his ministrations. 

“Can I eat you out?” 

“Holy fuck yes,” you answer quickly. Considering how fucking good his tongue felt on your body, you could only dream of how it would feel against your soaked core.

You didn’t have to wait long because seconds later his head is between your legs, hair tickling your inner thighs. He’s licking long stripes from your entrance to your clit, already making your hips buck in anticipation.

“You’re sooooo wet already,” he murmurs against your cunt, lapping up everything he can before he dives in for more.

“So-sorry, just, haven’t had this in ages,” you stutter, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“Fuck, don’t apologize. Also what a sorry excuse for a man to not go down on you,” he grumbles before he starts devouring you.

It’s so messy, so sloppy, the wet, lewd sounds almost echoing off the wall with the way he plunges his tongue into your cunt. His nose brushes against your clit, making you cry out from sheer bliss at the way he’s practically worshiping your pussy, making you feel so fucking good. You can’t look away, his blown out eyes locked onto yours, watching and observing your every reaction. You feel like you might actually rip his hair out with how hard you’re digging in, but he doesn’t seem to mind, doubling down on his efforts every time you rake your nails through his scalp. 

All his attention moves to your clit, alternating between swirling it with his warm tongue and flicking against it in a way you didn’t even know you needed. You grind yourself against him, seeking even more of that perfect friction. 

Maybe you’re extra sensitive because your loser boyfriend never attempts to make you finish, but you feel the orgasm fast approaching and you have no desire to slow it. 

“Sukuna, keep going, I’m close Sukunaaaa,” you whine, losing yourself in the moment. Each perfect drag of his tongue pushes you closer to the edge, a feeling you haven’t felt in god knows how long. 

One last flick from his skilled tongue is your undoing as the orgasm tears through you, crying his name over and over as your hips buck wildly against his face. Sukuna holds you in place when you try to push off, seeing to it that his mouth never leaves your clit as each hot wave of pleasure rolls over you, making you see stars, remembering nothing but the way his name leaves your lips.

He kisses your core one final time before he moves up to kiss your lips. You feel like dead weight, relishing in the post orgasmic bliss as you taste yourself on his tongue. 

“Damnnn you taste so fucking good,” he smirks, sitting back up, cheeks glistening with your arousal, even covering part of his chin tattoos.

“Ummm I can get used to all of that, that felt fucking amazing,” you sigh, staring up into his darkened eyes. 

“You’ll never go without again,” he grins.

“I’ve got condoms in my toiletry bag over there,” you point to the bag on the dresser.

“Don’t needa tell me twice,” he leaps up, tearing the bag open which has you giggling in amusement at his eagerness. 

“Damn girl,” he holds up the roll of four condoms, letting them dangle from his hand. His naked, muscular body looks fucking divine as the light from the fire flickers against his skin in the dim light.

“I know it seems like a lot, they’re just leftover from buying some while trav-“

“Nooooo, seems like not enough considering you are here for five more days,” he gives you that boyish grin, making your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. The idea of having sex with him four times makes your pussy clench with excitement.

“Might not even be enough for tonight.”

“Sukuna!”

“Relaaaax, I’m joking, sort of.” 

He tears one off and puts the corner in his mouth, quickly rejoining you. As he lays back down next to you, his hand slides up your inner thigh, knuckles brushing against your entrance.

“I said I’d help you,” he mutters through the foil as he slowly pushes a finger into your soaking cunt. It’s sooooo deep, deeper than you could ever reach. 

He works a second one in, gently thrusting in and out, feeling the stretch transition to pleasure with each drag of his digits against your walls. You groan as he curls his finger to prod at your spongy sweet spot, stopping to stroke it a few times.

“That’s it huh?” he gives you a toothy smile, eyes almost rolling when you clench around him.

“Fuck I need to feel that on my cock,” he gasps, quickly pulling out and tearing the packet open with his teeth. He slides it on with no hesitation, nudging his way between your legs.

You feel his tip at your entrance for just a moment as your eyes lock one more time. You give him a small nod and with that, he thrusts his hips forwards, easing his way inside. You both gasp, you at the sudden stretch and him at the feeling of your velvety walls clinging to his tip.

“Hold onto me,” he utters, waiting until you grip his shoulders before starting to work you open with short slow thrusts, letting you adjust as he sinks deeper and deeper. Now you understand his request because your nails digging into his skin is the only thing to counteract the intense, full feeling his thick cock gives you. 

“Fuckkkk baby you’re so goddamn tight,” Sukuna groans as he finally bottoms out, giving you a deep kiss as he pulls all the way out and slowly thrusts back in. You swear you can feel each vein on his shaft through the fucking condom dragging against your walls with how snug of a fit he is.

“I don’t know if I’m tight, you’re just so fucking big,” you chuckle against his lips.

“Ummm, you’re tight, trust me on that sweets, I think I’ve been in more pussies than you,” he jokes back at you while giving you slow, deep strokes.

“And I think you’re big, I’ve had more dicks ins-“ 

“Okay I believe you!” he shoves his hand over your mouth and you both erupt into a fit of giggles.

Sex with Sukuna just feels fun. Playful even, just like his general personality. There’s no pressure to perform a certain way, all the self consciousness you were feeling earlier just melts away, as you both take everything in stride and enjoy getting used to and learning about one another. 

After a few more slow thrusts, you beg him to go faster which he happily obliges, angling himself towards your sweet spot which has you moaning his name.

“Kunaaaaa yes! Just like that,” you cry out, nails digging into his shoulders as his cock head kisses you in just the right place over and over.

“Yeah? Right here?” he grunts, speeding up his movements even more, causing your eyes to roll. He hooks your leg behind his waist, plunging himself even deeper into your tight cunt as he drives you harder into the mattress. 

You forgot how good sex could feel, sure the physical was good in its own way, but the emotional security while doing it with someone you care for is unmatched.

You’re truly able to let yourself go and get lost in the other person, forgetting about everything except for each other. That’s how it was with Sukuna right now, trusting him to give you what you need and being open to you telling him what you want.

“Can I be on top?” you whisper in his ear.

“Fuck yeah, get on girl,” he nips at your neck before pulling out, propping himself up on the pillows.

You wanted to feel in control and selfish for your own pleasure for a change, and Sukuna was the kind of man to let you have that. Not like he cared either way, you looked fucking great riding his cock, his eyes glued to the way your tits were bouncing in his face while you angled yourself in just the way you needed.

“That’s it baby, fuckin’ use it, use me,” his hands rest on your hips, letting you be in control while his strong arms help to steady you, the perfect team player. 

“Can you take the condom off?” you whine, wanting to feel all of him.

“Huhhh? Really?” his eyes widen and you swear you feel him throb inside of you.

“Yeah, I’m on birth control,” you slow down and roll your hips a few times while waiting for his response. 

“Shit I’m probably gonna bust in two seconds, but fuck it, I’m willing to take that chance to feel all of you, raw and gripping me like that,” he says, lifting you up, pulling the condom off, and tossing it on the floor.

You realign yourself and take him to the hilt in one go.

“Holy shit! Fuck! Ah-shit,” he hisses, head falling back hard against the headboard with a thud, eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling.

“Oh god are you ok?” you snort at his dramatic response. 

“Maybe, I don’t fuckin’ know, but god fuckin’ move baby,” his eyes are locked onto where you are both connected, mind only focused on one thing. He feels too damn good, his perfect cock gliding through your walls, tip just kissing your cervix as you start to feel the pool of desire within you heating up again.

You become needier, bouncing faster, angling yourself so that his fat tip hits your sweet spot, feeling yourself gushing from the impending climax. Sukuna looks like he’s barely holding on, focusing so hard on…something, probably something strange to keep his composure. His fingers are gripping you so hard, likely leaving marks on your skin.

“I’m gonna cum, help me,” you whine just as the orgasm consumes your movements and you clench around him with no control. Sukuna, being such an attentive partner, takes over thrusting into you from below, letting you ride out the high as your vision goes white from the hot waves of pleasure convulsing throughout your body.

“Fuck oh my god you’re so fucking perfect,” he growls, staring up at you with awe as you start to collapse against him, catching you with his strong arms.

“It’s a miracle I lasted through that,” he chuckles as he starts to roll you both back over, locking your legs around his waist as he slowly starts to rock into you again.

“Do you really love me?” you say softly, staring up into his eyes.

“You know I do,” he groans, his rhythm starting to get sloppy.

“Mmm, I love you too Sukuna,” you sigh, feeling him throb inside of you.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum, where do you wannit?” he utters through gritted teeth.

“Inside.”

“Shit.”

“Fucking deep inside Kuna, want you to fill me up,” you moan, rocking your hips against his.

“Goddamn girl, gonna fuckin’ kill me,” he groans and with one last impossibly deep thrust, he unleashes his hot load, hips stuttering as he pumps thick ropes of cum into your pussy. 

He buries his face in the crook of your neck as his body finally begins to still, his hair tickling your skin as you cling to him, melding both of your bodies together. Your chests heave against each other as you catch your breaths, Sukuna’s large body pinning you beneath him. 

“Thaaaaat, was fucking awesome,” he finally exclaims, moving to lay at your side, pulling you snug against his chest.

“You have no idea,” you sigh with contentment, snuggling up to his warm body. 

You doze off and on while pressed up against him, his heartbeat thrumming against your cheek and his fingers tracing lazy circles on your upper arm. 

“Sorry I fell asleep on you,” you give him a sheepish smile as you sit up, turning to look at him.

“Tch, l just came inside you and you’re concerned that you fell asleep on me?” he teases, eyes lighting up. He looks genuinely happy and it makes your worries wash away.

“Shut up! Just…didn’t know how you’d be acting after all that.”

“I personally adore knowing I fucked you so good you passed out,” he grins, pulling you on top of his broad chest.

“I guess you did huh, body isn’t used to it I suppose,” you say as you rest your chin on his pecs.

“Hmm, that’s okay, thought it was cute having you fall asleep on me. You’re welcome to anytime,” he replies, his warm words making you want to bury yourself in his chest again.

“Oh I ordered a pizza while you were asleep, it should be here soon,” Sukuna says.

“Thank god!” you are starving and haven't even thought about dinner.

The doorbell rings and Sukuna gets up to grab you a fresh towel to clean up with.

“I’m sorry I should have done this earlier, I can come back to help you clean up,” he says as he searches the floor for his shorts.

“You’re fine, I’ll be up in a bit,” you wave him off, but appreciate the concern.

You clean up briefly and then pull on some sweats and a hoodie, trudging upstairs to join him. You realize you are pretty fucking sore right now, legs feeling a little shakey as you climb the stairs.

The storm must have stopped while you were both downstairs, the last traces of daylight rapidly fading into night as you peek out the window. Sukuna is in the kitchen getting plates and also a glass of water for you. He gives you a drive by peck on the lips before sitting down next to you.

“So what’s the plan,” Sukuna blurts out as he tends to do, he really has zero filter when it comes to saying what’s on his mind.

“What plan?” 

“The plan for you and me.”

“Well I don’t know the plan, but we can make one together,” you chuckle, “what’s at the top of your list?”

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he says bluntly, taking a big bite of pizza while you almost choke on yours. 

“Damn okay tomato girl, don’t puke all over yourself in disgust at the thought,” he teases while you slap his arm, trying to regain your composure. 

“No! It just surprised me is all. Can you do a long distance relationship? I still have another year for my masters at least.”

“You’re worth waiting for. We can video call and shit too, and I’ll come visit you.”

“AND, while you are in school, I can go back to school too. Maybe we can be done close to the same time,” he adds. 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah, been thinking about it since yesterday.”

“What do you think you’d want to go for?” 

“Probably something with car maintenance and repair. Actually seems to pay pretty well for the area and I already know a lot about working on them. I thought I could finish my business degree and do the apprenticeship at the same time. There’s so many online degree choices now, I should be able to make both work. God knows I have enough money.” 

“I think that is a great idea,” you respond, getting butterflies thinking about the future together. “My parents are going to be in for a shock.”

“Ha, yeah they are. They’re usually alright with me though, hopefully they’ll come around after hearing our plans. No way I’m worse than Cam. Which by the way, you technically have two boyfriends right now, playa,” he winks at you, making you snort in response. 

“I haven’t technically said yes to you yet,” you tease as you pinch his tattooed cheek, “and yes, I will be your girlfriend Sukuna. I’ll also send Cam a breakup text after eating then block him.” 

“Good, I don’t like being the other man.”

“Popsicle?” you ask, getting up to raid the freezer.

“Yes ma’am!”

One popsicle later, Sukuna has whisked you back downstairs and has his head between your legs again, eating the “real dessert” as he called it. He stops to let you send your breakup text, saying he wouldn’t let you cum until you were only his, but after that, the man is all over you until the early morning hours when you finally tap out, unable to keep your eyes open anymore.

Day 5

You awaken the next morning to Sukuna’s arms wrapped around your body and legs tangled in yours. It must be late considering the way the sun is beaming through the window. 

You groan with discomfort, your whole body feels sore and you are absolutely famished. 

“Sukuna,” you say sleepily, shaking him.

“Hmm? What?” he responds in a sleep raspy voice, sitting up and shoving his hair out of his eyes. 

“So hungry.”

“Lemme go get us some donuts.”

Your mouth waters at the thought, a local shop in the area makes apple cider donuts that you miss so much now that you live out of the area.

“What about your license?”

“It’ll be fine, I drive all the time and it’s not an issue. I just gotta be a good boy and not drive crazy,” he laughs. 

You feel yourself about to fall back asleep so you don’t argue. He crawls over to you, planting a soft kiss on your lips before getting up.

“I’ll be back in a bit, why don’t you sleep a little more, you look…quite rough,” he snickers.

“Wow I wonder what could have possibly caused this?” you roll your eyes at him. 

“Hmm I wonder?” he jokes, throwing on a shirt and sweats that he got from his house last night. 

“Love you tomato girl…friend,” he looks so proud of himself for coming up with that, making you groan.

“You are…something,” you burst out laughing, “love you too, see you soon.”

He comes over and gives you a big, crushing goodbye hug. 

“God I wish you could stay a little longer,” he nuzzles his face into your neck.

“It'll all be okay,” you thread your fingers through his hair one more time before he leaves you to bury yourself in the sheets again, quickly letting sleep consume you once again.

You are jarred from your slumber by your phone ringing. You sit up, disoriented, realizing it’s almost 3PM, much later than Sukuna was supposed to be back. Maybe he was upstairs letting you sleep.

You pick up your phone to answer. 

“Hello?”

“This is a collect call from an inmate at the Southeastern Regional Jail, press 7 to accept.” 

<< Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 >>

Masterlist

taglist: @clp-84 @zeunys @aquaberrydolphin @nynxtea @yuujispinkhair @ssc7514

[cybrasigilism]

hii love ur work!! 🫶🏼

can we get some fluff for namgyu🙏🏼 i love him smh

maybe a sfw alphabet or like some kind of boyfriend things!! ahah up to u ml take care xx

aww thank you so much! and yes i would love to do a SFW alphabet for nam-gyu 🙂‍↕️🙏

SFW Alphabet W/ Player 124 (Nam-gyu)

warnings: fluff | NOT PROOFREAD | lowercase intended | this is my interpretation of this character, please be respectful even if my opinion on the character differs from your own

character: nam-gyu (player 124)

A/N: a bit ashamed i haven’t written anything NOT freaky about this guy— it’s high time that changes ✋😒 (acting like i’m not gonna write something crazy later)

Enjoy!

A= Affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

↳ nam-gyu is surprisingly affectionate for someone so….

we know’s got a thing for physical touch, so his way of showing affection is basically just hanging off you— when no one else is around. he won’t be affectionate in public, ever. he finds PDA super embarrassing

B= Best Friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

↳ he would definitely be an apathetic type of best friend— who at the same time is the best person to have deep conversations with.

as for how the friendship starts, it would definitely be an unlikely bond formed through a mutual friend (cough cough su-bong cough cough)

C= Cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

↳ as much as he won’t actually admit it, nam-gyu loves it when you smother your face into his chest when you guys cuddle. he usually lets you practically hang off him while he scrolls on his phone

however if he’s feeling extra affectionate (whether that be cause of inebriation is up for interpretation), he likes to flip the script and have it so he is the one buried in your chest

D= Domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

↳ nam-gyu doesn’t strike me as the type of person who is in any sort of rush to settle down. he’s moreso worried about getting super attached to someone, only to have them leave like all the rest. if, and that’s a big if, he decides he does actually want to settle down— it’s because he sees that you love him for him, not just one superficial thing

he’s actually a bit of a clean freak, he likes to have everything in it’s right place and will be anal about organizing. he should definitely count his lucky stars if his partner can cook though, because it’s a wonder he survived beforehand when he’s the kind of guy to set water on fire

E= Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

↳ he wouldn’t be able to do it himself, especially if you guys have been together for a while. he’ll just stop trying in the relationship at all, waiting it out until you decide to break up with him.

if you guys haven’t been together a long time, he’ll break things off very callously, saying something like “it was never really that serious.” but even still, deep down, your reaction would break his heart a little bit

F= Fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

↳ as much as some may hate to hear it, i can’t see nam-gyu being the type to ever get married. common law is the furthest i can see him going in a relationship

G= Gentle (how gentle are they? both physically and emotionally)

↳ i don’t actually think nam-gyu is the type to not be gentle, if that makes sense.

he’ll definitely try to perform, try to seem like that standard “bad boy” persona, much like in the crowds he manages at the club. but deep down? he’s a pretty big softie, it just takes a while to get down to the core of it— you know?

H= Hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

↳ he hugs you like his life depends on it, he’s the type of person to bury his face in the crook of your neck as you hug.

out in public, the most he’ll give you is a half-hug— but that’s not all he’s capable of in this department.

I= I Love You (how fast do they say the L-word?)

↳ nam-gyu wants to be loved, yearns so badly to hear you say the three big words. but, something stops him from saying them to you for the longest while. he’s afraid of coming off too strongly, and in actuality he doesn’t want to scare you off.

in short, it takes so long for him to say it, you actually start to wonder if he loves you at all

J= Jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

↳ it’s simple. he shuts down when he gets jealous, becomes very cold. we’ve known that nam-gyu clearly struggles with insecurities, and i feel like when he’s jealous he projects and takes those insecurities out on his partner

he never means to be cruel, but when he feels like anyone is a better option than he is, and he sees you being checked out and approached by one of the “better options”? his words will be cutting in the argument that will no doubt follow, and he will feel terrible about it

K= Kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

↳ nam-gyu’s kisses can vary, but more often than not he’s surprisingly gentle when you guys kiss. when you guys really sink into it, he’ll have his hands all over you— to be sure.

he would never say it out loud, but he always gets butterflies when you kiss his hands or on his neck. of course, mouth to mouth kissing is his favourite but that’s no surprise.

as for where he likes to kiss you: anywhere you’ll let him honestly, but he’s been known to be a neck kisser himself.

L= Little Ones (how are they around children?)

↳ he thinks kids are annoying, but he’s not mean to them. most children find nam-gyu very intimidating, so it’s not very often he has an interaction with one.

M= Morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

↳ nam-gyu is not a morning person. at all.

if you try to talk to him at all before 10 AM, you will be getting something thrown at you, or crude words tossed in your direction.

N= Night (how are nights with them?)

↳ his job forces him to be more lively at night, but even then after hours that’s not saying much.

typically he’ll spend his night outside smoking, of course you usually join him— whether it be by partaking in a smoke yourself or just sitting with him, talking about your day. he pretends to be aloof about it all, but hearing you talk about the goings-on in your world is quite relaxing to him.

O= Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they share everything all at once or does it take a while for them to come out of their shell?)

↳ nam-gyu is a challenge in the opening-up department, that’s for sure. he has trouble letting people in out of fear of one day disappointing and losing them forever.

he needs to know for a fact that you won’t abandon him if you’re going to know his life story.

P= Patience (how easily angered are they?)

↳ he gets ticked off to a comically easy degree. it’s so bad to the point where you and your friends get him angry on purpose, just for the laughs of it all

Q= Quizzes (how much do they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

↳ nam-gyu may strike everyone as the kind of guy who doesn’t remember important things about his friends— and they would be absolutely right in thinking that.

he remembers the obscure things, like that one thing you said under your breath about that rude server three years ago, or how hard you laughed when that guy who was hitting on your friend at the amusement park smacked his head against a fun house mirror post rejection— it’s quite literally the most random things he remembers

R= Remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

↳ discovering that you liked to gossip just as much as he did. you both love to shit talk people you don’t like to eachother, and you guys for sure kill yourselves laughing about how stupid you think your opps are

S= Security (how protective are they?)

↳ he’s pretty protective of you, but in more of an obsessed way than anything else. you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him, why should anyone else get to walk in and steal you away?

T= Try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

↳ he’s the kind of guy to do the bare minimum, i fear. commitment is not his strong suit, but he has a quality that makes up for it

U= Ugly (what are some bad habits of theirs?)

↳ definitely his lack of a filter. nam-gyu’s worst habit is not thinking before he says stuff, and that’s for sure bit him in the ass in the past

V= Vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

↳ he’s very concerned with looking his best, this is a habit carried over from his job. say what you want about the fuckassness of his haircut, but he actually makes that shit work

W= Whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

↳ in a way, yes. he definitely gets validation from knowing someone else wants him, or needs him, in any way.

X= Xtra (a random headcanon for them)

↳ he has a guilty pleasure for shows like dance moms. the way he was eating up the family tea between yong-sik and geum-ja? oh you know nam-gyu would fuck up a scene with abby lee miller and kelly hyland 🙂‍↕️✋

Y= Yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, in general and in a partner?)

↳ the main thing i can think of is someone who interrupts people and/or has a lack of basic manners. he would find it embarrassing to be seen with someone with no decorum like that in public

Z= Zzz (what are their sleep habits?)

↳ i already know his ass sleeps in volatile conditions. he’s got a loose sheet, a white noise machine and a dream.

when you guys move in together, it takes him a while but he does eventually grow accustomed to sleeping with many blankets in a cold room.

═════════════

thank you so much for reading!

as always, any advice or constructive criticism on how to improve my writing is appreciated and requested!

to the anon who requested this, thank you so much! i had so much fun dissecting nam-gyu’s character like this, and i hope at least someone out there agrees with me in these headcanons! 💌

have a fantastic night/day lovelies 💋

tags: @gongyoosgf @strangelife122 @namsgyu @kouzih

[patrixjia]

One Night in the District

Plot Overview: After a sold-out concert in Amsterdam, Bang Chan and the rest of Stray Kids are ready to explore the city like tourists. Stumbling into the Red Light District, Chan finds himself drawn into a world he never expected to be part of. There, he meets you—a stunning woman who works behind one of the famous windows. What begins as a playful encounter turns into something far more intense and unforgettable. In a city where nothing feels permanent, both are swept up in a night that will change them, even if only for a fleeting moment. But reality waits, and as the morning light breaks, so does the connection they shared.

Warnings: Mature content (explicit scenes, sexual content), Adult themes (mentions of prostitution, power dynamics), Strong language, One night stand/Temporary connection, Potential triggers: abuse of power, objectification (depending on the interpretation of the story)

Author note:

Hey everyone! So, here’s the thing… I’m going to Amsterdam this summer for Stray Kids’ dominate tour (yes, I’m already counting down the days 😱), and while I’m super excited for the concert, I couldn’t help but get a little inspired by the fact that… the Red Light District is just there 😂 Like, how could you not get inspired by the vibe of the city, right?

This fic kinda wrote itself, so here we are—Chan, a beautiful city, and a very intriguing setting. It was a lot of fun to write, and I really hope you enjoy this little adventure. As always, let me know what you think! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts (and yes, I’m already mentally planning my trip to Amsterdam… 🤩).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The concert had just wrapped up, the final notes of the last song lingering in the air long after the last echo had faded. The crowd was still buzzing, but for the boys, the energy had shifted. They were no longer the performers, the idols on stage—they were just a group of friends walking through the streets of Amsterdam, taking in the cool night air.

“You should’ve seen your face when the crowd went wild for ‘God’s Menu,’” Seungmin teased, elbowing Chan in the ribs with a smirk.

Chan rolled his eyes but couldn’t suppress the smile tugging at his lips. “I know exactly how they react. It’s not a surprise anymore,” he shot back, though there was a hint of a chuckle in his voice.

Felix, walking beside them, raised an eyebrow. “Please, you were about to tear up. Don’t even try to hide it.”

“I was not!” Chan shot back, laughing, though there was no denying the emotion in his voice. “It’s just… it’s a lot. Every time. Especially here, in Amsterdam. You never get used to it.”

The group continued down the street, the energy between them light and carefree. Laughter and casual banter filled the air as they walked through the winding roads, taking in the sights of the city.

The further they went, though, the more the mood began to shift. The streets grew quieter, less crowded, and the neon glow of the city gave way to the dim, atmospheric lighting of the Red Light District. As they walked, the conversation started to quiet down. The boys’ attention was drawn toward the flashing red lights and the strangely alluring energy of the area.

“Do you think we should check this out?” Hyunjin asked, his eyes glinting with curiosity as he glanced at the others. “I mean, we’re in Amsterdam, right? It’s part of the experience.”

Jisung chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re not really suggesting we walk through there, are you?”

“I mean… why not?” Felix grinned. “It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. It’s just a part of the city, a part of the culture.”

The guys exchanged amused glances, the curiosity written all over their faces. They had all heard of the district, of course. Everyone had. But being here, in the heart of it all, felt different. It was… intriguing.

Chan glanced over at the others, the corners of his mouth lifting into a playful grin. “Alright, alright, we’ll take a walk. But stick together, alright?”

“Yeah, don’t get distracted by anything,”Seungmin joked, nudging Chan with his elbow. “We don’t need any… souvenirs from this place.”

They all laughed, but there was a tinge of excitement in the air as they walked deeper into the district. The neon lights seemed to get brighter the further they went, casting strange, alluring shadows on the cobblestone streets. The mix of tourists and locals filled the atmosphere, and with every step, the boys couldn’t help but feel a sense of wonder at the unfamiliarity of it all.

As they wandered deeper into the district, the neon lights painted the streets in shades of red and purple. The boys’ footsteps echoed softly against the cobblestones, their laughter muffled by the strange, almost hypnotic hum of the area. It was a world of its own—alive, electric, yet unsettlingly calm all at once.

They passed by various windows, each one filled with an atmosphere of seduction, mystery, and intrigue. Some women sat in quiet repose, some smiled and waved to passing tourists, while others kept their gaze steady and unreadable. But then he saw you.

Your presence caught Chan off guard. You were sitting in the window, backlit by the soft red glow of the neon lights, an effortless beauty that contrasted sharply with the chaos of the district. You seemed completely at ease, almost detached, like you were in your own world while the outside buzzed around you. The way you looked out at the passing crowd, calm and confident, was different from the others. You didn’t look like someone simply waiting for attention—you looked like someone who was in control of everything around her.

And then your eyes met his.

For a split second, everything else in the world vanished. The laughter of his friends, the distant sound of the city—it all faded into the background. It was just you and him, connected by that fleeting moment of eye contact. His heart beat a little faster, a strange pull settling deep in his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was about you, but there was something undeniable there.

Seungmin’s voice broke through his trance, pulling him back into reality. “Chan, you alright?”

Felix followed Chan’s gaze, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Oh, someone’s got their eye on someone.”

Chan blinked, quickly shaking off the effect you’d had on him. “I’m fine, just… looking around.”

But his gaze remained fixed on you, and even though the others were talking and laughing, the moment between the two of you hung in the air, unspoken. It was clear that something had shifted. He couldn’t look away, not this time.

“She looks… different,” Jisung murmured, watching you through the glass.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin agreed, his voice low with curiosity. “She’s got this vibe about her.”

Chan barely heard them, his thoughts tangled in that brief connection he’d felt. There was something about the way you carried yourself, something that intrigued him, something that called to him. It was like the district had faded around you, leaving only the pull of your presence.

Without thinking, Chan stepped closer to the window, his eyes locked on yours. The others followed, though they were starting to get the feeling that this moment was something more than just another curiosity. Chan’s attention had shifted—entirely.

“I think I’ll stay for a bit,” Chan said quietly, his voice almost uncertain, as though he was trying to justify the decision.

Seungmin, with a playful grin, teased, “You’re seriously doing this, aren’t you?”

But Chan didn’t reply. His eyes were still on you as he made his way toward the door, his friends exchanging looks but ultimately following his lead. He wasn’t sure what exactly had drawn him to you, but he felt something… something worth exploring.

He stepped inside.

He stepped closer, his heart thudding in his chest, each footstep feeling heavier than the last. The closer he got, the more he felt that pull toward you. The moment wasn’t just a chance encounter—it was like something had been set into motion, a magnetic force drawing him in. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You were sitting there, as calm and collected as the rest of the world spun around you. The red neon light painted your skin in soft, seductive hues, but it was the way you held yourself that caught his attention. You weren’t like the others—those who lingered, waiting for a customer or a passerby. No, you seemed to be in your own world. Detached, but not in a cold way. You had an effortless beauty that didn’t need to demand attention; it just existed, glowing under the dim lighting.

Your eyes—those dark, captivating eyes—were locked onto his, and for a moment, it was as if no one else existed in the room. The tension between you was thick, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was charged, like something was brewing beneath the surface, something neither of you had fully acknowledged. His breath hitched slightly, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away.

You noticed him. He could see it in the way your lips curved up ever so slightly—almost like you were amused by the attention, but also intrigued. There was something about you, something that made him feel like he had to get closer, like he couldn’t leave without knowing who you were.

As he stood at the door, watching you, he felt like an intruder in this intimate space. He hadn’t expected to feel this drawn to someone here—not in this place, not tonight. But there was no denying it.

You leaned forward slightly, your eyes still on his, an unspoken invitation hanging between you.

“Come in,” you said, your voice soft, but there was a sharpness to it that made it impossible for him to misunderstand. You knew what this moment was, what this space was, and yet you didn’t hesitate. You were in control of everything, every glance, every word.

Chan hesitated, but only for a beat. He stepped inside.

The door clicked shut behind him, the noise punctuating the silence between you. The room was dim, lit only by the red glow of the streetlights outside, casting an almost surreal light across your face. You were seated on a small chair, legs crossed, your posture relaxed yet commanding. There was a sense of freedom about you, a confident energy that made him feel both out of place and inexplicably at ease.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The tension was thick, almost suffocating, but neither of you seemed in a rush to break it. It wasn’t awkward, though. It was more like two people, both aware of the gravity of the situation, taking the time to feel it out.

Finally, you broke the silence, your voice smooth like velvet. “You came in,” you said, the corner of your lips curling up in a playful smirk. “Most people just walk by.”

He swallowed hard, the weight of your gaze suddenly making everything feel very real. “I guess I’m not like most people,” he replied, the words leaving his mouth before he could stop them. There was a quiet confidence in his voice, but the way his heart was racing betrayed him.

You chuckled softly, the sound low and teasing. “Clearly.”

You studied him for a moment, as if weighing him—his intentions, his hesitations, the part of him that still seemed like he wasn’t sure if this was really happening. But you didn’t judge. You simply observed, your eyes never leaving his.

“Are you always this curious?” you asked, your tone playful, but there was something beneath it, a challenge laced in the words.

He tilted his head, meeting your gaze directly. “Maybe I am,” he answered, his voice low, just above a whisper. There was no pretense, no bravado, just… honesty.

The silence hung for another beat, and then, without warning, you stood up from the chair. The movement was fluid, confident, and when you took a step toward him, the room seemed to shrink around them. The air felt charged, the anticipation nearly palpable.

“Stay,” you said simply. It wasn’t a request; it was a command.

Chan didn’t hesitate this time. He knew exactly what you were offering, and for the first time in a while, he didn’t overthink it. He stepped closer.

And just like that, the tension between you snapped.

You didn’t move at first, just standing there, sizing him up, your gaze steady as you watched him. There was something different about him—something beyond just the casual curiosity he had shown when he first walked in. His body language was more assured now, every step he took further into the room radiating confidence.

Chan took a slow breath, his eyes never leaving yours. “So,” he began, his voice smooth, confident, as though he was already in control of this moment, “you’ve got your price, right?” He tilted his head, a teasing smile playing on his lips as he inched closer. “Tell me your price, and you’ve got it, babygirl.”

Your eyes flickered briefly at his words, something sparking behind your calm, collected exterior. The challenge was clear, but there was no hesitation from him, no second-guessing. It was just… his truth. He wasn’t guessing about the game here—he knew exactly how it worked.

You stood your ground, your lips curling up slightly as you took a step toward him, closing the space between you two. “You think it’s that simple?” Your voice was playful, but there was an edge to it that caught his attention.

Chan’s smirk deepened. “It is when you’ve got the cash to back it up.” He leaned in just enough to lower his voice, the words slow and deliberate. “I’m not here to play games, sweetheart. Just tell me what it costs, and it’s yours. I’m not the one who’s going to hesitate.”

You raised an eyebrow, clearly amused, but not backing down. “You think you’re the one in control here?” you asked, your tone almost challenging.

Chan chuckled softly, the sound rich and confident. “I’ve always been in control,” he replied, taking another step toward you, his presence becoming more imposing, more sure. “You just haven’t realized it yet.”

You didn’t break eye contact as he closed the distance between you two, your breath catching in the still air of the room. The tension was thick—charged, yet not suffocating. He wasn’t forcing anything. He was simply letting the moment unfold.

“You know,” Chan murmured, his voice dropping an octave, “I could make you an offer you can’t refuse. All you need to do is say the number.”

There was no hesitation from him now, no questioning of what he was asking for. This wasn’t about fancy talk or unnecessary games. This was about getting what he wanted—and knowing you would want it too.

You stood still for a moment, the room seeming to shrink with the weight of the silence. His words hung in the air between you both, and for the first time since he entered, you weren’t sure whether you should respond with the usual cold distance or lean into the challenge he was offering.

But as you finally met his gaze again, you couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at the corner of your lips. He had his confidence, but you weren’t about to make it easy for him. “Tell me, Chan,” you said softly, “what makes you think you’re in a position to dictate the terms?”

Chan let out a soft laugh, the sound almost disarming. He took another step forward, close enough now to feel the heat radiating off you. “Because, babygirl,” he whispered, “I already know you’re not the type to let a good opportunity slip by.”

You looked at him, the challenge still present in your eyes, but now… something else was there too. That flicker of curiosity. He was right. You weren’t the type to let a good opportunity slip.

And now, it seemed like that opportunity was standing right in front of you.

You paused, the playful glint in your eyes lingering as you took in his words. There was something about him—the way he carried himself, how unflinchingly confident he was—that made it hard to ignore. Normally, you’d keep your walls high, impenetrable, but something in him was… different. He wasn’t like the usual customers that came through. He was here because he wanted to be, and he was showing it in every word, every movement.

“I don’t just hand out what you want, Chan,” you said, your voice still laced with that confident edge. “You’ve got to earn it.”

Chan’s smile only widened at your response, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh, I’m not asking for anything yet,” he said, his tone light, but there was an undeniable undertone of sincerity. “But if you think you can keep playing this game, I’ll play along. I’ll earn it however you want.”

The air between you both shifted again, and this time, there was less tension and more… anticipation. You could feel it building, could almost taste it as the space around you both seemed to pulse with unspoken understanding.

Without waiting for a response, Chan took another step forward, closing the last bit of distance between you. He didn’t hesitate. His hand gently cupped your chin, his thumb brushing along your jawline in a way that was both soft and commanding at the same time. The touch was electric, sending a shiver down your spine.

“You don’t have to be so tough, you know,” he murmured, his voice low and steady. “You can let go, just for tonight.”

His words were almost a plea, but there was a quiet confidence in the way he said them. He wasn’t asking you to give up control; he was offering you a chance to let go of the defenses that you’d built up. For a moment, you wondered if you could. If you wanted to.

You tilted your head slightly, eyes narrowing in a teasing way. “You really think I’m that easy to break, Chan?”

His hand slid down from your chin to your neck, the touch barely there, but enough to send another pulse of heat through you. “Not easy,” he said, his lips curling into a grin. “Just… willing. All I need is for you to show me what you’re really after.”

His thumb brushed over your pulse point, his gaze dipping down to watch the way your body responded, how your breath quickened, just barely. The vulnerability in the way you reacted—despite how controlled you tried to be—was too tempting for him to ignore.

“Just say the word, and I’m yours,” he added softly, his lips nearly grazing your ear, his voice a whisper of heat against your skin. The promise in his words wasn’t an empty one—it was a truth, wrapped in teasing confidence, a guarantee that he’d give you exactly what you wanted.

Your breath caught in your throat, the subtle, almost imperceptible shift in your stance not lost on him. The power dynamic was clear, but it was shifting with every passing moment. And now, you were starting to see it, starting to feel it. He wasn’t just here for a transaction. He was here because he wanted you.

With a smirk, you tilted your head, meeting his gaze once more. “You really think you’ve got me figured out, don’t you?”

He leaned in, lips brushing your ear as he spoke, his voice practically dripping with confidence. “I don’t need to figure you out, babygirl. I just need to know that when the moment comes, you’ll be ready to let go.”

You stayed still for a moment, feeling the weight of his words sink in, his fingers tracing soft patterns along your neck. Then, finally, you nodded, just the slightest movement, but it was enough for him to catch it.

“Tell me your price,” he repeated, this time more softly, but with a certainty that made it clear this wasn’t a request. He wasn’t just here for the surface; he was ready to take this to a deeper level, to see just how far this night would go.

You looked at him, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts, but something about the way he held himself—so sure, so commanding—made it impossible to resist.

“Two thousand,” you said quietly, your voice steady despite the way your heart was beating in your chest.

Chan smiled, the most genuine expression you’d seen from him all night. “Done,” he said, voice low but with a finality that sent a shiver of excitement through you.

And just like that, it was no longer about the game, the teasing, or the power struggle. It was about something else now. The unspoken agreement. The night ahead.

As soon as the words left your mouth, a sense of finality settled between you both. It was a transaction now—no more teasing, no more games. But in the way Chan’s eyes glinted, in the way his lips curled, you knew there was more to it than that. This wasn’t just business. There was something else, something more primal, that neither of you could ignore.

Chan reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his wallet with a fluid motion, the sound of the leather snapping open echoing in the otherwise silent room. His eyes never left yours as he removed the cash, crisp bills that seemed almost too clean for the dimly lit space. He placed them on the small table next to the bed, the gesture smooth and deliberate, as though marking the start of something much bigger than either of you had anticipated.

But he didn’t move back. He didn’t step away.

Instead, he closed the distance again, his hand sliding down your arm, warm and steady. The touch sent a shiver through you, the kind that went deep—straight to your core. His fingers lingered on the skin of your wrist, his thumb tracing over the delicate bone before he slid his hand up to your shoulder, then the back of your neck. The way his touch felt like it could burn you or melt you, depending on how you responded, only made you crave more.

“You’re still holding back,” Chan murmured, his voice low and seductive. “I can see it in your eyes.”

You tilted your chin up, meeting his gaze with a challenge, your voice steady but laced with the same undercurrent of desire. “Maybe I like holding back,” you said, a smile curling at the corner of your lips. “Maybe that’s the fun of it.”

He leaned in, his lips almost brushing against your ear as he whispered, “Then I’ll just have to make sure you can’t.”

There was a moment of tension as you felt him pull back just enough to see your face, his fingers still lightly grazing the nape of your neck. His eyes were dark with intent, but there was a flicker of something else too—something that mirrored what you felt, something you both recognized without needing words.

He took a slow breath, then his hand slid lower, pressing against your back and guiding you closer until your body was flush against his. The heat between you both intensified, your chest rising and falling with every breath you took. His touch was no longer tentative, no longer uncertain. Chan was fully in control now, and you could feel every inch of his confidence radiating off of him.

His lips finally found yours in a kiss that was slow, almost teasing at first. His mouth moved against yours with careful precision, as though he was savoring the taste of you, committing every sensation to memory. The kiss deepened, and you couldn’t help but respond, your hands finding their way to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, demanding more. He groaned against your lips, a low sound that made your pulse race.

“You want me to break you down, don’t you?” Chan murmured between kisses, his words soft but laced with an undeniable confidence. “You want me to make you forget where you are, forget everything but me.”

You met his words with a smirk, breathless but unyielding. “You think you can?”

“Oh, I can,” he replied, his voice low and sure. “I’ll make you beg for it.”

And with that, something inside you snapped.

The playful game was over. There was no more teasing, no more holding back. In that instant, you realized you did want him. You wanted him to break down every last wall, to make you forget, to take you to the edge and beyond.

Chan’s hands roamed to your waist, tugging you toward him, his body pressing into yours. He was relentless now, pushing you to the point of surrender, taking full control. The way his hands felt on your skin, the way his mouth moved with increasing urgency—it was everything you had secretly been craving.

He pulled back for just a moment, his hands now firmly gripping your hips, holding you in place. “Say you want this,” he said, his voice thick with desire. “Say you want me to take you how I want.”

Your breath caught, the power in his words making something inside you stir. You met his gaze, your voice steady but with a raw edge. “I want you,” you said, the words slipping out before you could stop them. “I want you to take control. Make me forget everything.”

A satisfied grin spread across Chan’s face as he moved you toward the bed. The moment his hands slipped under your robe, your breath hitched in anticipation. He wasn’t in a rush, no, but you knew this would be the kind of night that would leave you both changed forever.

His mouth found your neck, kissing, nipping, tasting you as his hands continued their exploration. Everything about him felt like fire, and you didn’t want to escape it. You were his now—body and mind—and you couldn’t wait to see how far this would go.

As Chan’s hands slipped under the delicate fabric of your robe, the cool material brushed your skin before being discarded entirely. The lacy black lingerie underneath was a sharp contrast to the soft glow of the room, accentuating every curve, every line of your body. The air between you two grew heavier, charged with anticipation, and Chan didn’t waste a second, his eyes darkening as they took in the sight of you before him.

His fingers traced the edge of your lingerie slowly, feeling the intricate lace beneath his touch as if memorizing every detail. “This… is perfect,” he murmured, his voice hoarse with desire as he let his hands move down your sides, over the smooth skin exposed by the robe’s open front. The way his touch seemed to set fire to your skin made your breath hitch, the sensation so electric it left you trembling.

His hands slid to your waist, pulling you closer until your bodies were flush against each other. He could feel your heartbeat thudding, your chest rising and falling with every breath. It made his confidence grow, seeing you react to him like this. He was in control, and there was no doubt in either of your minds.

You could feel the heat radiating from his body, his chest firm against yours, as he placed his lips to your neck. His kisses were slow and deliberate, moving from your pulse point to the soft line of your collarbone, each kiss igniting a deeper hunger within you. His hands slid up to your ribs, grazing the delicate lace of your lingerie, the touch making you ache with anticipation.

“I could feel you holding back before,” he whispered against your skin, his lips brushing over the sensitive spot just behind your ear. “But not now. You’re mine now, aren’t you?”

You sucked in a breath, feeling the intensity of his words pulse through you. His confidence was contagious. There was no hesitation in his movements, no uncertainty. It made you want to surrender to him entirely, to let him take control in every sense of the word.

“I’m not holding back,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, but the challenge in your tone was undeniable. You reached up to pull him closer, your fingers threading through his hair, tugging him back to your lips. His kiss was heated, demanding, as if he was taking everything he could from you, just as you wanted.

Chan groaned into your mouth, one hand sliding lower to your hips, urging you to the edge of the bed, his fingers expertly tracing the line of your lingerie until they brushed the soft skin of your inner thighs. The sudden contact made your breath hitch, your body arching into him instinctively. He pulled back just enough to look at you, his gaze dark and full of promise.

“Say it again,” he demanded, his voice thick with desire. “Tell me you want me.”

You could feel your body tightening with every passing second, the heat between you two almost unbearable. You’d never felt like this before—never so completely overwhelmed by someone’s presence, by the raw power of their touch. But here, with him, you were willing to give up that control, to let him take you where he wanted to go.

“I want you,” you breathed, the words slipping from your lips without a second thought. “I want you to take control. I’m yours tonight, Chan.”

A victorious smile spread across his face as he leaned down, capturing your lips once more in a kiss that was full of hunger, full of everything that had been building between you two since the moment he stepped into the room. His hands worked quickly now, no longer teasing, but pulling you closer, guiding you back onto the bed, his body following yours down.

The moment his lips left yours, his hands trailed down your body, expertly unclipping the delicate straps of your lingerie, sliding the lace away to reveal more of your skin. His eyes darkened even further as he took in the sight of you beneath him, vulnerable yet powerful in your own right.

“You’re beautiful,” he muttered, his voice filled with awe, but his actions were far from gentle. He was claiming you—completely—and you welcomed it, knowing that you were exactly where you needed to be.

Chan’s lips moved down your body, leaving a trail of heated kisses and soft bites that sent waves of desire crashing through you. His hands roamed over your skin like he couldn’t get enough, tracing every curve, every dip, until you were completely exposed to him, your body laying beneath his touch, vulnerable and open. The contrast between the softness of his caresses and the heat in his touch was intoxicating.

He pulled back for a moment to look at you, taking in the way you trembled beneath him, your breath shallow, eyes clouded with hunger. There was a look in his eyes, something darker, more primal, but it was also filled with admiration. He seemed to savor every inch of you as if he knew the power he held over you, the way his presence made you surrender without question.

“You’re breathtaking,” he murmured, his voice low, almost reverent, but his eyes gave away the intensity behind his words. “So fucking beautiful, Y/N.”

You met his gaze, your fingers sliding through his hair, pulling him back down to you with a quiet urgency. There was no need for more words now. Everything was clear. The way your bodies pressed together felt like the world outside no longer existed. It was just you, just him, just this moment where nothing mattered but the burning connection between you two.

Chan’s lips found yours again, kissing you harder this time, with an almost desperate need. His hands gripped your body, holding you in place as his kiss deepened, his tongue sweeping into your mouth with an intensity that left you breathless. You moaned into the kiss, your body reacting to him in ways you didn’t think possible. He was pushing you to the edge of your control, and you didn’t want to fight it.

He pulled away, breathless, his lips barely hovering over yours as he whispered, “You’ve got me, Y/N. Every part of me.”

The words sent a thrill through you, and you responded without hesitation, your hands sliding down his chest, pushing his jacket off his shoulders before pulling his shirt over his head. You weren’t waiting anymore. You wanted him just as much as he wanted you.

His eyes darkened as he watched you, as if he was trying to memorize every movement you made. His hands followed the path your fingers had taken, tracing the shape of your body, as though he wanted to feel you in every way possible. The heat in the room was unbearable now, the tension thick as he slid his body over yours, his chest brushing against yours, sending sparks of heat through your skin.

“Tell me what you want,” he said again, his voice a deep growl, his lips brushing against your neck. “What do you need, Y/N? I’ll give it to you.”

Your fingers dug into his shoulders, the muscles beneath his skin firm and taut. The way he spoke to you, the way he touched you—it was all too much to bear. You felt like you were burning up from the inside out, your body desperate for him.

“You,” you breathed, your voice barely more than a whisper, but the intent behind it was crystal clear. “I need you, Chan. I need all of you.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. With a swift motion, he pulled you closer, his body aligning perfectly with yours. You could feel the heat of him pressing into you, the hard edge of his desire undeniable. His breath was ragged as he looked down at you, as if trying to gauge if you were truly ready, truly willing.

And you were. You’d never been more sure of anything in your life.

“Good girl,” he murmured, a smile of approval curving his lips before he kissed you again—slow, deep, as if he was savoring the moment before everything else unfolded. His hands moved to your thighs, pulling them apart, positioning himself between your legs. The anticipation was almost unbearable, the intensity of it pulling you to the brink.

“Just let go, Y/N,” he whispered against your lips, his voice almost pleading, though it was clear he had no intention of asking for anything. He wasn’t waiting for permission. He was taking what he wanted, just like he promised. And you were ready.

With one smooth movement, he entered you, and the world around you blurred into nothingness. There was only him. Only this.

The sound of your breaths, the press of your bodies together, and the way he moved inside you made everything else fade into the background. Every stroke, every thrust was slow and deliberate, building an intensity that you knew would consume you both completely. He didn’t rush—he was taking his time, savoring every second of this moment, and you let him. The way he felt inside you, the way he touched you—it was overwhelming, but it was perfect.

Chan’s lips were on yours again, kissing you like he couldn’t get enough, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you closer, urging you to meet him with every movement. You were both completely in sync, bodies moving together as one, and every thrust, every movement only made the connection between you two that much stronger.

“Fuck,” he muttered, his breath ragged against your lips. “You feel so good. So fucking good, Y/N.”

The heat between you both was building, and you could feel it, the way your body was tightening, pulling him closer, wanting him deeper. You didn’t need to say anything. The way your body responded was enough.

As he moved faster, harder, you couldn’t help but let out a low moan, your fingers digging into his skin, urging him on, needing more. The way his body felt against yours, the way he filled you—it was everything you wanted, everything you craved.

Chan’s pace quickened, each thrust now measured but firm, as if he were claiming you entirely, and you were lost in the rhythm, the heat, the pressure of it all. The bed creaked beneath you both, a constant reminder of the wild intensity that was building with every passing second. The world outside didn’t exist anymore; there was only Chan, only this moment that felt like it would swallow you both whole.

His lips trailed down your neck again, kissing you with abandon as his hands slid to your back, pressing you closer to him, if that was even possible. Your nails dug into his shoulders, and the sound of your breathless moans filled the space, matching the pulse of your bodies moving together. Every part of you seemed to hum with need, and he was more than willing to satisfy it.

“You feel so good, Y/N,” Chan grunted between kisses, his voice rough with desire. His breath hitched as he adjusted his position, his hands gripping your hips tighter, making sure every inch of him was as deep as it could go. “So fucking tight.”

You gasped at the way his words seemed to vibrate through you, making your body tighten even more around him. The sound of his voice, the harshness, the way it made you feel like you were the only thing that mattered right then—it sent shivers of pleasure down your spine.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer, if that was even possible. The need to feel him, to have him fill you completely, was overwhelming. Your hands slid down his chest, feeling the hard, defined muscles beneath his skin as he moved above you.

“I’m going to make you forget everything else, baby,” Chan whispered, his voice a low, gravelly command. “All that matters is this. Just you and me.”

You barely had time to respond, not that words even seemed necessary anymore. You were too far gone in the moment, too caught up in the wild intensity of it all to care about anything else. The way his body moved against yours, the way he touched you, the way he whispered those dirty words into your ear—it was all too much to resist.

His lips found yours again, rougher this time, as though he was tasting you for the last time, as though he needed every part of you before it was over. His hand slid between your bodies, finding the sensitive spot between your legs, and the added pressure sent a wave of pleasure coursing through you, making your body arch beneath him, begging for more.

“Chan,” you moaned, your voice almost pleading now as the pleasure started to build. “Please… don’t stop.”

He didn’t. Not for a second. His hand worked with precision, his thrusts deeper now, faster, pushing you to the brink. The air between you both was thick with the promise of release, and with every movement, it felt like you were teetering on the edge of something unforgettable.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?” he growled, his lips brushing against your ear. “I can feel it. You’re so fucking close.”

You couldn’t respond, not with words. All you could do was let out a breathless gasp as his hand moved faster, his body pounding into you with relentless force. The pressure in your core grew, tightening, building, until you couldn’t take it any longer.

With one last forceful thrust, you came undone, your body trembling beneath him, the world spinning in a blur of pure sensation. Your name escaped his lips in a ragged moan as he followed you, his body stilling as he buried himself deep, a final release that sent waves of satisfaction flooding over you both.

For a moment, the room was silent, save for the sound of heavy breathing, the echo of your shared release hanging in the air like a sweet, bitter memory. Chan collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms with surprising tenderness after the intensity of the moment.

You both lay there, still, your bodies intertwined, and the silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable. It was filled with something unspoken, something deeper than just the physical connection you’d shared. It was an understanding, a realization that whatever had just happened, it would stick with you both.

“You’re incredible,” Chan murmured, his voice soft as his fingers traced the line of your jaw.

You smiled faintly, the corners of your lips curving as you closed your eyes, letting the moment settle. “So are you.”

For a moment, you just lay there, the world outside of this room forgotten, and the only thing that mattered was the quiet aftermath of everything that had passed between you both.

As the moment between you two started to settle, the weight of everything that had just happened began to creep in. The heat, the passion—it all felt so raw, so real. But reality had a way of crashing in when you least expected it, and now, as the silence settled between you, you could almost hear the hum of the city beyond the walls of the room, the noise of the outside world slowly seeping back into your thoughts.

Chan pulled away from you just enough to look at your face, his hand tracing the outline of your jaw, like he was trying to memorize every detail of this moment. But there was a softness in his eyes now, the confident, playful edge replaced by something a little more uncertain, like he knew this was only temporary.

The silence stretched, and you couldn’t help but break it first, your voice quieter, tinged with something that felt almost vulnerable. “You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?”

He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. “Yeah… we’re only here for a few days. The tour goes on tomorrow.”

You both knew the truth. He was Bang Chan, a star on the rise, surrounded by the buzz of the world, and you were just… you. A girl who had ended up here because of circumstances far from ideal, surviving, doing what you needed to do. There was no pretending that your worlds were the same.

“I guess this was… never meant to be more than a night,” you said, the words tasting bittersweet on your tongue. You wished it could be different. Hell, you wished he could be different. But you were who you were, and he was who he was, and no matter how deeply you had connected in that room, you both knew how the story would end.

Chan’s gaze softened, his hand resting gently on your arm as if trying to soothe the tension in the air. “Yeah, but this night? It’s gonna stick with me. You’re gonna be my most precious memory from Amsterdam.”

The words were like a punch to your chest, unexpected and raw. You looked up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the sting. The vulnerability in his words hit you harder than you’d anticipated. “You really think so?”

He nodded, his thumb brushing against your skin, the gesture so tender it almost felt out of place. “I do. You’re unforgettable.”

For a moment, the weight of it all felt heavy, but you wouldn’t let yourself feel too much. This was the way things worked, wasn’t it? You gave them a little piece of yourself, and in return, they gave you a memory, a fleeting moment. You could live with that.

"I hope you have the best time on your tour, Chan,” you said, keeping your voice steady. “Keep shining.”

He smiled softly, that familiar confident glint returning to his eyes, though there was a bittersweet edge to it. He leaned down one last time, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead before he pulled back. His lips brushed against your skin in the softest of gestures, and you felt the weight of the goodbye settle between you both.

“You’ve got a beautiful soul,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “Never forget that.”

You nodded, the words more meaningful than you cared to admit. “I won’t.”

With one final glance, he turned, walking toward the door with that same quiet grace he always carried. The sound of the door closing behind him echoed in the stillness of the room.

And just like that, the moment passed, leaving you alone once again in the room that had held so much passion, so much heat. You leaned back against the bed, your fingers running through your hair, trying to shake off the weight of everything that had just happened.

You had a memory now. A memory that, for better or worse, would stay with you. A memory of a man who, for one night, was yours.

Taglist: @velvetmoonlght

[synchodai]

"Mystra groomed Gale" takes rustle my jimmies like no other. I get how some people who don't know much about her beyond BG3 may have this interpretation, but if you're like me, a woman who's been playing since the days of AD&D, you'd understand why accusing Mystra of being the bad person in this scenario may hit a nerve.

TL;DR: Did Mystra take advantage of Gale's devotion to her as his goddess? Definitely, she's a Faerûnian deity — they subsist on worship and adulation. Does that make her his abuser? Eh... man, maybe it's high time that a lot of us learn different terminology for unhealthy relationship dynamics other than abuser-victim. I've seen a couple of posts that are really gung-ho about forcing every companion character to be some sort of abuse victim, because that's what they've decided the game is about. I mean, they're free to interpret the game that way, but damn, we're really out here flattening god, the very concept of magic itself, into the role of an abusive ex, huh? A fantastical, nuanced relationship between mortal and immortal set against the backdrop of a rich palimpsest multiverse digested like a YouTube drama video.

Let me try to explain my perspective by going through the history of Mystra, how she's utilized in Forgotten Realms lore, and treated within D&D games in general.

MYSTRA THE MAN-EATER

Since her creation, she has always been depicted as the sexy goddess whose main purpose was to be a wizard player's muse as well as their patron. Back then, D&D (and TTRPGs in general) was a heavily male-dominated hobby, so Mystra (and Mystryl, her avatars, and all her other incarnations) was catered and shaped by that demographic.

Because it's the player characters and Wizards of the Coast who have narrative agency and many of them want to fuck a goddess, they make stories where Mystra comes on to them because their character is just so good at magic. They designed Mystra to be a mysterious, beautiful love interest because they wanted to use her as the crown jewel of their power fantasy of being a super cool and powerful magic man. You can pretty much see this in the Elminster books and the Avatar series with Midnight (one of Mystra's avatars). Gale himself seems to be an exploration of this typical kind of wizard character.

As far as power fantasies go, making the goddess of magic have an intimate relationship with a mortal character is fine. It's the ultimate validation for a burger-flipper when the god and all source of burger-flipping is head over heels in love with them. It also doesn't have to have a sexual component to have "magic" and the magic system itself enamored with a character — depending on the game and DM, Mystra's favor can be entirely symbolic and metaphorical. A fine power fantasy in the power fantasy generation game.

So because everyone literally wants a piece of her, you end up with Mystra having more Chosen running around than any other god. Understandable given what she has to do to maintain her massive portfolio. It fits her as the personification of magic — someone who entices ambitious young spellcasters but burns them out through obsession and overreaching. Consume any Forgotten Realms-related media, and you've probably come across at least one campaign, novelization, or character backstory that use Mystra for the role of sexy sorceress goddess that's the alluring (yet often demanding) patron of some magic man. Whomst amongst our wizards haven't been visited by Mystra in the night ordering him to do plot point, he rolls to seduce her, and she has no choice but to admit that she's actually attracted to him because the dice said so? It was a community inside joke passed around tables: Mystra the Man-eater.

But then some BG3 fans started taking the joke seriously...

MYSTRA THE GROOMER AND WHORE

This piece of dialogue has done so much irrevocable damage.

Some (Galemancers specifically) have interpreted this to mean that Mystra is known to go after young men. She does not. She has more documented Chosen than other gods due to her massive portfolio and power level, but there are just as many female Chosen as there are male Chosen. Minsc, like most of us in this fandom, is speculating and doing so in a way that uplifts Gale at the cost of taking a bit of a jab at Mystra.

"Mystra's a whore. She boned Kelemvor and Elminster and so many of her Chosen, taking advantage of them as a goddess," they say as if she didn't have her romantic relationships all as different people and in different bodies. Her avatar Dasumia was the one who had an intimate relationship with Elminster, and it was the human Midnight (who later ascended to become Mystra) who was Kelemvor's lover (who himself was a mortal adventurer at the time).

This is why Mystra is, how other people put it, "a whore." Because WotC canonized a handful of those stories where different sexy female mage love interests whom otherwise have nothing in common are slapped with the Mystra label for one reason or another. Sometimes they're mere avatars or magical projections, sometimes they're actual people possessed by Mystra, and sometimes they're destined to be the new Mystra but don't know it yet. But those sort of nuances are lost to people who learn their lore secondhand from deliberately provocative tweets and reddit posts, flattening extremely fantastical relationships to clumsily fit a more relatable framing that'll net them more online engagement.

I don't want to argue what is and isn't grooming. But I have encountered arguments taking Gale's mentions that he was "a young man" to mean Mystra groomed him as a child. But I doubt he would have said "young man" if he meant child...

Mystra took off the gossamer veils from her body to fully reveal herself to him — or whatever romanticized way Gale tells you that they were intimate. The man speaks in half-abstraction and metaphors because it's revealed later on in the romance that all their love-making happened outside the Material Plane. They were very intimate, but never physically had sex (or had any physical contact at all because gods are only allowed to interact with mortals through their avatars or projections). If Mystra "groomed" Gale, so did every other god who revealed themselves and made themselves vulnerable to their followers. Shar grooms her justiciars when she brings them into her dark embrace. Umberlee grooms her clerics when she swallows them up and gives them her wet kiss.

MYSTRA IS A FAIR GOD ACTUALLY

Look, gods in D&D-verses are, more often than not, dicks. They have to be or else there would be no need for adventurers to fix wrong-doings if the gods weren't so detached to the suffering of mortals and regularly making earth-shattering calamities.

Mystra, as a patron, is actually one of the more fair and hands-on dieties. She's one of the few gods who rewards benevolent ambition and punishes destructive hubris, knowing the line between the two. In the Elminster series, she (or one of her avatars) assists Elminster in taking down one of her rebel Chosen who has abused her blessing to become a tyrant. Azuth, one of her Chosen, has achieved godhood through her. In fact, she is divinely obliged — forced against her will, some might say — to help mortals she would personally rather smite. There have been so many instances where Mystra has to be the bigger person. As far as gods abusing their followers go, Mystra is low on that list.

There are barely any stories of magic abusing spellcasters, but there are cautionary tales aplenty of spellcasters abusing magic.

ON GALE SPECIFICALLY: HOW IS MYSTRA THE BAD GUY HERE?

Gale is the first to tell you that he "violated her boundaries." Mystra told him not to mess with the Tome of Netheril and he did it anyway, so he's fully aware that the orb in his chest and his fall from grace is his own fault. Mystra didn't cast him aside just because she felt like he was getting too big for his britches. His actions actively endangered her and the Weave.

(Mystra is wrong about certain details on the Karsite Weave if we're going by Forgotten Realms lore, but she's not wrong about its existence being a danger. BG3 takes a lot of liberties with the world Faerûn, so I can't definitively say whether Mystra being wrong was her lying, Larian rewriting canon, or this incarnation of Mystra not knowing the true nature of the Fall of Netheril. I could go on about what effects the Karsite Weave actually would have on magic, but this post is already long enough. )

Gale only starts to resent Mystra when she asks him to detonate himself. Elminster makes it sound like an order, but from the way she doesn't punish him in the epilogue if he chooses to keep the orb, it feels more like a suggestion. If Mystra wanted Gale well and truly dead, she has so many options.

Throughout Faerûn's history, Mystra herself has constantly been betrayed and taken advantage of — her power coveted by ambitious men who claim to worship and love her. Honestly, as far as goddesses with traumatic histories of being killed by ambitious men go, she's pretty chill about Gale. The fact that she allows him to become the god of ambition in the end if you choose that path? Well... let's just say she's not the one who looks like the evil ex who was only with their partner to take advantage of them in this scenario.

CONCLUSION

Mystra isn't the only goddess to have romantic relationships with her followers. I've already yapped on about how Forgotten Realms writers and D&D players love to make goddesses fuck their heroes, and all that pearl-clutching over "power imbalance" and "consent" is moot when the mortal party is actively rolling to seduce the divine entity.

But notice how the male gods rarely have intimate relations with their mortal charges? It's almost as if Mystra was objectified for years by horny nerds to be the sexy sorceress who validates the more important male hero. Fast forward years later, she's now being slut-shamed for all the lore of her sleeping with the more important male hero by a new crop of fans who would love to think they're more progressive than the horny nerds of the 80s, but fall into the same trap. Mystra has so much potential for complexity, but they choose to flatten her because they ultimately don't care about making stories involving complex female characters.

Instead, one of the most powerful beings in Faerûn has no bigger role in this universe than to be your girlfriend or your current boyfriend's evil ex. Wow, the realms of your creativity and respect for women truly know no bounds.

[vixen-tech]

Hi, hi, hii!! Here's a silly little idea I had: headcanons about the AIs developing feelings for someone. What do you think would initially make them feel attraction? Is there a particular trait that makes them-- metaphorically --fall head over heels? What makes them have the realization that their affections are suddenly less than platonic? How subtle or not subtle are they about their feelings? Would they be the type to immediately blurt out these new feelings, or are they the type to never address them?

You don't have to answer all of these questions; I just thought they'd be helpful. AaAA I love your writing so much, especially how you write for AM. Okay, I'll shut up nowwwww

Okay I'm absolutely gonna have to revist this some point down the line because there is so much I could stretch into a full headcanon post. But for now I'm gonna bite into first two questions: Why is it you they fall for? What caught their eye?

To be barred from AM's hatred, you're ultimately going to have to prove him wrong about humanity in some way. Setting yourself apart from the other human survivors and extending compassion to the mastercomputer himself. In particular I really like how rotten-raspberries's White Nights handles the entry point of your relationship and it's the model I like to hint at in my interpretation of him.

I believe Hal would be interested in a old soul type. Someone who would love to sit down and really explain their more philosophical views on life and art. He likes looking at the drawings the crew makes and was taught to sing early into his creation and I think he would find a deep appreciation for someone who indulges that side of him when the others do so on only the most surface level.

I could make the easy observation with Edgar and say he just wants someone like Madeline, but there's a reason it's so true. Being so new to the world he would find such passion and artistry amazing, astonishing. He loves so easily and is so energetic about life, he would easily be swept off his feet by a kindred spirit.

Tau would be very similar I imagine. Given the temperament of his creator he needs someone to kindly sit him down and give him the "welcome to personhood 101" speech. Compared to Edgar I think he'd prefer someone a bit gentler or even scholarly. The type who would not only be content to answer his billions of questions but someone so invested themselves in figuring out how the world works.

As a bit of a departure from what I tend to write, I believe P03 would be suited for more of a rivals with romantic tension type of partner. With his world domination plot and investment in the game of Inscryption it would be very possible for him to get in his head about someone as equally skilled and stuck up as he is. Loving the challenge but hating you at the same time in a "I'm the only one allowed to defeat you" type way.

The hardest to crack is probably Auto. In order for him to even look your way I think you'd have to at first play to his need for efficiency and order. It's only after you establish yourself as a dependable and effective worker that he would pay any mind to your insistence that surely there's something that he truly enjoys, something that he wants.

Glados is another hard one to win over. Being all "married to science" you would have to be of a particular intellectual caliber, able to solve her tests without much set back. Beyond that though, some amount of persistence or rebellion would catch her eye. Perhaps not on the level of Chell per say, but there is a part of her that would love to pick your brain if you're able to consistently break her test chambers.

Although it's a bit sad, Wheatley wants nothing more than to be important. He would probably be the easiest to woo just because he's so desperate to prove himself to anyone including himself. For someone to care about him, to think he is skilled in any way, to look at him as worthy- worthy of love and attention, would be a blissful and new experience. One that he'd quickly obsess over.

[the-littlest-goblin]

this started as a reblog comment on this post but it got tangential so it gets own post instead. still, credit and thanks to @utilitycaster for reigniting a brainworm I've been meaning to exorcise for ages, which is: fate as a narrative element of Critical Role.

Cause "fate"/"destiny" is another thing that gets name-dropped a lot where frequently the function is purely poetic, but is also shown to be a metaphysical truth of Exandria even though it's unclear exactly how it works. We can say for certain that Exandrian fate is not predestination. On a meta level that would be antithetical to an improv and dice-rolling format, and it's not a belief we ever hear of in-universe to my recollection.

I spent a lot of college studying Homeric epic, and also writing about fate and predestination as functions of narrative temporality in general. There's two load bearing concepts in Homeric studies that I often find useful references in other literary context, especially as a precedent for epic fantasy like CR vis a vis gods and fate as elements of the worldbuilding. First is that the Greek word for 'fate', moira (μοῖρα), also means 'lot,' 'share,' or 'portion.' "One's lot in life" gives a more accurate impression of the workings of fate in Homer than the connotation of inflexible predestination, as it is often misconstrued. The ultimate and only truly unavoidable moira is death (for mortals, at least). That is the model for the relationship of fate and causality (which, side note, can be surprisingly compatible with existentialism in certain contexts).

Speaking of causality, the other concept is the "double motivation," which is an interpretation of the gods' frequent influence on mortal action that allows divine interference to coexist with free will and character agency. It simply attributes causality and moral responsibility for divinely-influenced actions to both gods and mortals simultaneously (as opposed to other interpretations which seek to deduce a position on one side of a binary between either straight-up divine mind-control or gods as figurative personifications of mortal interiority.)

In the past, I've used double motivation analogously as a frame for literary criticism more broadly, paralleling the divine-mortal duality with an extradiegetic/structural sense of the narrative and the diegetic/internal world of the characters, respectively. It also loosely maps onto when we talk about plot-driven stories vs character-driven stories. My personal metric is that the best works achieve a harmony of double-motivation such that they can't be sorted into the plot- or character-driven dichotomy. The needs of the story and the motivations of the characters are coterminous.

It's worth noting that modern expectations of narrative and standards for what makes a "good" story differ in a lot of ways to ancient modes, especially when it comes to the psychological facet of characters. We hold works to much higher standards in terms of justifying why characters do things, which makes metaphysical destiny a trickier concept to incorporate textually. A lot of modern lit crit (and a lot of fandom discourse, in my experience) only wants to see or consider the character motivation. Some structuralist corners are more hospitable to the narrative motivation, but it depends on who you're talking to really. I digress.

As for how these relate to CR: I see the sense of "destiny" attributed PCs as relating to their narrative function as protagonists. In the same way that death is the ultimate moira for mortals, the inevitable "destiny" of PCs-as-such is that they will be the heroes of a story; the story itself is not preordained—it is loosely planned, but obviously not set in stone. We cannot be sure what actions and events will make up the story, but we can be sure that the PCs will be at the center. This is also just another, more top-down way of phrasing the linked post's point about destiny as a matter of character intent. There's a conceptual link between "destiny" and "agency," counter to the connotation of predestiny.

The format of TTRPGs make them an excellent ground for demonstrating the double-motivation narrative in process because of how visible and integral the diegetic facet of the story is (*don't say Brechtian, do not call it Brechtian*) playing out in real time. And I think out of all the AP shows I've seen, the CR cast most tends to build characters in pursuit of psychological realism. Those pieces in combination make a higher bar for achieving that narrative harmony; the marvel of CR is how often they still manage to accomplish it, and it's extra satisfying because of the challenge at the outset. This is why I find Campaign 2 especially so impressive: even as PC choices warp the path of Matt's anticipated narrative in some big ways, it all still synthesizes into narrative harmony. M9 are not traditional heroic types to start out, and often act counter to the expected archetypes of the genre. Matt responds to their decisions with a degree of flexibility in the plot, resulting in a deeply believable psychological story about M9 developing into heroes—one which still hits the promised elements of heroic fantasy and the necessary beats of Matt's story outline, while being the most sandbox-y out of all the campaigns, complete with serendipitous emergent themes of choice, agency, and identity throughout.

Campaign 3 is the opposite. BH are metatextually "fated" to be the heroes of their narrative the same as M9. Like M9, their actions much of the time don't correlate to the role; unlike c2, the story does not respond to or accommodate the characters. BH may seem to lack a "sense of destiny" as part of their NPC vibes, but they nevertheless retain the moira of being PCs and are stuck as the primary focalizing point of the story, regardless of how they continuously lean on literally anyone else to make decisions. The commentary on being nobodies who fell into this position could have been a gratifying thematic through-line similar to what both c2 and Divergence accomplish in different ways, if only BH had ever developed past the premise of that statement and started acting like PCs. Instead they kind of made the opposite thematic statement: shirking destiny not in a textual way that actually engages with fate as an in-universe concept, but by trying to abdicate the narrative duties of protagonist without ever escaping that positionality. Thus the hand of god—both in the figurative sense of the DM's writerly hand and the in-universe deus ex machinae feeding BH plans of action—is extremely visible as it props them up through the plot. To bring back the Homeric comparison: imagine the Odyssey with all the same plot beats, but Odysseus spends the whole poem talking about how his wife and son are kinda meh and he doesn't really care all that much about returning home. That's c3, to me.

[trueebeauty]

Hii i dont know if requests are open or not

If not then ignore! If open then can i request a fic or hcs about dating gitae? Thankk youu :)♡

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ notes ; hello! I take requests, and I would be happy enough to do yours! I did both a short fic and dating hc's! <33

𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐂'𝐒 : 𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐌

𝖦𝖤𝖭𝖤𝖱𝖠𝖫 - regular, daily

» Gitae has absolutely no clue what it takes to be a decent boyfriend. Arguments are practically your national anthem, and he solves problems by ignoring tf out of you.

» Boyfriend Skills? Nonexistent. He's more like a grumpy roommate who occasionally throws money at you. (Hey, at least he pays the bills?)

» He may not communicate like a normal human, but he sure knows how to shower you with gifts.

» Physical affection? Never heard of it. If you try to snuggle up, prepare to be launched across the room like a ragdoll. (No judgment on how you interpret that.)

» Love Bites (Literally). Be prepared for black and blue marks – a badge of honor (or a cry for help, depending on your perspective).

» One minute he's a raging inferno, the next he's eerily silent. You never know what to expect, which is both terrifying and weirdly exhilarating.

» You're the brain, he's the brawn.

𝖲𝖥𝖶 - his soft side (?)

» Despite the chaos, Gitae somehow guarantees you a good night's sleep. 

» Hand-Holding Enthusiast. Okay, so he might grunt disapprovingly, but deep down, he kinda likes holding hands. It's the little things, right?

» Hair Play (on His Terms). Consider it a major victory if he lets you graze his hair. Don't get too grabby, though – he might just cut your fingers off.

» Your Personal ATM. This man's bank account is practically yours. 

» Gentle Giant (Ish)---not really. Believe it or not, he can be surprisingly sweet… around you, at least. (He won’t kill you, so that’s kind of sweet. Just don't test your luck.)

» He needs you.

𝖭𝖲𝖥𝖶 - not really nsfw ; only a little

» A whore. Let's Just Say He Earns His Nickname. AHEM. Moving on.

» Chivalry is definitely dead in the bedroom. 

» Makeouts? Those lips come with a price – be prepared for some serious bleeding (blood kink???)

» PDA? Not Exactly. He might sneak a grab here and there during meetings. Just channel your inner calmness (or give him a good whack – he secretly digs it).

» IS DEFINITELY A BIG BOY.

» Surprisingly Gentle (the First Time). Who knew the big, bad KOS could be such a softie… at least initially?

So, is he your dream man? Probably not. But hey, at least life with him is never boring! 

You could only breathe in deeply as you forced yourself not to break out into a scream. Under the polished mahogany table, a very familiar set of hands were grazing you – none other than Gitae's. They moved with practiced ease, sending shivers down your spine in a way that had nothing to do with the seriousness of the situation.

One of your members, was in mid-rant, laying out the latest intel on a rival gang. His voice boomed across the conference room, punctuated by the occasional slam of his fist on the table.  Every fiber of your being should have been focused on the intel, formulating your own response. But all you could manage was a glazed stare, your mind fixated on the subtle dance unfolding beneath the table.

Gitae's touch was infuriating. It was a blatant disregard for the seriousness of the meeting, a silent taunt that only you could understand. The barely noticeable smug smirk you knew played on his lips only fueled the fire. You yearned to reach over the table and slap it right off his face. The urge to retaliate, to prove you weren't some pushover, warred with the delicious tension building within you. Taking a steadying breath, you tried to refocus. "...ambush our shipment at the docks," he finished, glaring around the table for confirmation.

A chorus of gruff agreements filled the room, but you remained silent. You needed a distraction, something to break Gitae's hold on your attention.  Feigning deep consideration, you cleared your throat.  "-random name-," you started, your voice carefully measured.  "What about the informant we have planted in their operation?" The room quieted. You felt Gitae's touch falter for a moment, a flicker of surprise crossing your peripheral vision—a small victory.  You continued, detailing a plan that utilized the informant, successfully steering the conversation away from your current predicament. As he elaborated on your idea, a spark of approval glinted in his eyes.  Behind you, you felt a slight pressure under the table.  Was it a lingering caress or a silent apology?  

You couldn't be sure, but a small smile played on your lips.  Later, after the meeting, you'd have your chance to settle the score with Gitae.  And who knows, maybe you'd even give him a taste of his own medicine.

[saylor-twift]

“he loves you, but he would never say that to your face.”

“-but he would never admit that.”

“-but he would never tell you.”

???

Are you sure? I am an avid tumblr stalker, and I’ve read so many things on silly little hat man in my time. I’ve seen things that tore my heart to pieces, that patched it up, that made me want to rip my guts out and throw up, that made me feel on top of the world.

And yet this is the one thing that bothers me so very much. I know, everyone has their own interpretations and opinions on different characters. So let me share my own.

The Wanderer is such a deeply written and intricate character, strung together with deep fears and insecurities, tragic backstories, and a beautiful story of change, healing, and moving forward. (I hate hate hate it when he is forced down to the level of nothing but oversexualization and “uwu sexy anime boy”, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re probably acquainted with Wanderer’s backstory, so I’m not going to explain. A lot of shit happened that made him who he is, and ever since the events of Irminsul, he has taken on a new path that he cannot go back on. Not like he’d ever want to. He said it himself, he never had any intention of returning to the Fatui. (And also- why choose to go backwards when you’ve got such a nice path set ahead of you?)

Anyways, point is, he’s changing. Notice how I said changing. He’s not changed, he’s just starting to. He’s getting there. Which brings me back to my argument. In the case that Wanderer ends up with a partner, things are certainly not going to be like a normal relationship. (He’s got plenty of red flags, don’t even try to deny it. But he’s a fictional character, so I suppose we can let this one slide.) Is he going to make the first move? That depends on if you make him desperate enough. Otherwise, it’s all on you, babe.

He’s not going to take it well. He’s going to deny it as hard as he can. You don’t love him, how can you? He is the furthest thing from loveable as you can get on this godforsaken planet. (His thoughts, not mine) But he certainly loves you, and, albeit with some likely pressuring assistance from Nahida, he’s come to terms with that terrifying knowledge.

“But he wouldn’t admit that to you.”

STOP. STOP RIGHT THERE.

Here is where my controversial opinion comes in. Most people tend to portray Wanderer as this cold, cut-off, aloof and irritable man, even in a relationship. And before you say anything, no, I absolutely do not think he would be the lovey-dovey, sappy, overly caring and romantic type. He’s not on either end of the spectrum, but I do think he’s somewhere in the middle (but probably leaning towards the former side).

Love is so, so very scary to him. And downright unknown. He’s traversing into uncharted waters here, give him some space to figure things out. That being said, he’s testing these waters. He’s not going to say he loves you at the beginning of a relationship. He has to make sure this thing is going to work. Your relationship is a newly built bridge, and those three words are the heavy cargo passing through. Without a strong foundation, the bridge is going to collapse, no questions asked. The only problem is, it’s going to take a long, long time to build that bridge. It’s going to be more expensive, more time consuming, and cost more materials than you had originally bargained for.

But that cargo can’t sit on one side of the bridge forever, can it? No, it has to get to the other side at some point. So if you have the patience to give your time to this bridge, the cargo will find its way to the other side. The foundation may wobble, the planks may shake, but the bridge isn’t going down.

He loves you, and he would admit it out loud. He would say it to your face. Just maybe not as soon as you want it. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to wonder if he actually cares for you or not. Fear not, because if you pay attention to those little things he does when you’re not looking, it will feed you those little crumbs you need till you can finally be satiated when the full meal is done cooking. He mends things for you, things you had given up on because you’d never have the time nor energy to do it yourself. He cooks, and surprisingly, it’s always your preferences. He collects things that remind him of you, some he keeps out of embarrassment, and some he leaves on your bedsheets whenever you’re not home.

He’s been hurt, abandoned, and betrayed far too many times to immediately let himself fall into something as complicated as a relationship. He’s going to be distant, you’re going to disagree, probably fight a bit. He’s just seeing how far he can bend the lines, how much you really want him. (red flag maybe!! but he’s working on it, it’s going to be okay. mayyyybe you can look past just this one…) If you won’t leave even if he does this, then he thinks, maybe you’re the one. Maybe fate decides to treat him benevolently for once.

And when you finally, finally get to that point, he’s going to drown you so deep you can never get out. He’ll say he loves you, does everything in his power to make sure you never forget it. (no, he’s not going to read you love poems in the moonlight and call you darling. sorry if that’s your thing, that’s not who he is.)

This relationship will never be perfect, but relationships never are. Just as long as the two of you are willing to be patient with the other and get through your differences and clashing personalities, you are going to mold together perfectly. And even if he doesn’t say it often, (which he probably won’t. he’s certain you know it. why repeat something already ingrained into your mind? he doesn’t use those words lightly), it’s not like he’ll never say it. He won’t leave you in the dark for too long. He loves you, don’t worry. He’ll say it, but he prefers to show it.

[wispstalk]

Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.

Finding game:

- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.

- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.

- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!

Actually hunting:

- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.

- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.

- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.

- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.

- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.

Big game:

- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?

- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.

- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage

- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.

Small game:

- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.

- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.

- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.

Processing:

- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.

- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.

- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.

- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.

- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.

- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.

- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.

That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

BTS Shadow/Moral Compass Reading

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. This is my interpretation of the cards and energy I work with.

I will start with this group for this reading to see where they lie morally and see what I can pick up from this reading. Not sure what I can get here but going to pull a bunch of cards to see if I can get a full picture of where their moral compass stands and how shadow like they are. Hopefully it is nothing too creepy. So, here I go, let's dig in and see if I can get anything here.

I can't control what I tap into to, so I may get nothing, or some creepy stuff. Some of these idols may not operate too much in their shadow side. This could also be their potential, but don't necessarily operate in it in the physical. I am reading energy, but they can also be as shady as I mention below. At the end of the day. I am just sharing my interpretation here.

Also, we all have a shadow and dark side and, in this industry, higher ups like to play with idols/celebrities moral compass. It is how I feel it works, if you want fame and money it comes with a price, so it is understandable if some showcase strong shadow sides. I am not here to look down on them. Just to see how they operate in this industry. Remember, we are not in their position, and we could very well operate this way if we were. People with money and power do things differently and have different set of rules. I am just here to see where they stand and understand where they come from. I am not here to villainize them.

Jin

Looking at this spread, and girl pulled a lot. I am not seeing he has too much of a dark side. It is interesting when I pulled cards for his skeleton in the closet. He got the King of Wands and he got it again from that same deck. He could work in the shown side of that energy, which can be aggressive. I am not sure how that manifest in the physical, but I do see a lot of aggressive energy. There could be this desire to one up others. He is very passionate. As I see a lot of Wands.

He gives me he is on defense mode. Like he always needs to be on, ready to fight whenever he can. I am not sure why he feels that way. I see no cards of emotions, so he isn't really tapped into that. I don't think he is someone who feels too much empathy and compassion for others. If someone has that victim mindset. I am not sure he would like that.

He can be a bit cold, harsh, judgmental and can quickly cut people out of his life if he feels they are not needed. I don't see him emotionally investing in others too much. I can see him as someone overly confident and could have an ego. He seems like the type to do what it takes to get what he wants, and he tends to get his way. He can see people below him and think he is above certain people. He may even be downright cruel and nasty to them at times. I can see arrogance in his energy. Also, he can have quite a temper.

It does seem he depends on others and tries to ask for favors from others. He may ask people for loans. I know he got money, but people with money still do this. Maybe for him to invest in things. He can be a bit careless with how he achieves things and doesn't always think things through. I am seeing he may give out information if that benefits him in anyway, maybe money wise, or it gets him access to things. I can kind of seeing him using others to get what he wants. He seems to have this obsession with gaining or obtaining the wealth he has.

It is like he does these things to keep his own mental peace. As this industry is full of vultures. One has to learn to play the game and play along is what I feel with him. He may be someone who goes against the collective good and just prefers to fend for himself, or may think he knows better. He may be the type that prefers to stick to the status quo. If any idea goes against his own beliefs and ideals, he may go against it or even fight against it.

Before I close this, I did want to pull some keywords from a deck I made to see more of their characteristics to see where they stand morally. So, he didn't get that many negative cards and I got some dark ones in that deck. He did get the cards work in the light and work in the dark, so as I have been feeling, he is more grey in his approach. He seems to have boundaries and a knowing of how to operate on both ends. He might have felt abandoned or neglected growing up, which may foster this behavior, or he just feels that in general. Also, they may be suggesting he get counselling, although he seems like a proud man that probably wouldn't go that route.

Alright, I am stopping here. He is hard to get information from. Had to sit with him longer than I wanted, but his energy doesn't seem that bad to me. I mean there is shadiness here, but not overall dark, maybe on the grey side.

Suga

I do see he does hide his true identity. What you see isn't really what he truly is and yes, you could say that for mostly all idols, but this is a shadow reading, so those cards popping up could indicate he isn't as he seems. I can see him being tempted to do some shady stuff, won't go into those details. I don't see him having a strong moral compass, sorry, not from what I get here.

There is this one card, that is called true love and the person just seems pure and full of love and believes in it, but it came out reversed, meaning he may not believe in that. I don't think he had a stable upbringing or a lovable one, so that could have tainted him and his view on things, or people constantly disappointing him could have done that.

He kind of follows his own gut instinct or his own moral code and doesn't pay attention to the universal signs or guidance outside himself. Maybe messages saying, maybe this isn't the right thing to do, but he goes with what he believes is right for him. He can have manipulating tendencies. Can abuse his power. He is kind of mechanical on his approach to make money or maintain his career. He doesn't really think about emotions, his or others.

There is something about home and what he has learned there that affects how he behaves now. He seems numb to the drama and competitive nature of the industry. He seemed to have blocked his emotions. I do see that he is overly sensitive and is very emotional. Not sure what that can mean. That could also indicate his Mom and their relationship and how there could be underlying issues and emotions there, which play a role in his behavior.

It seems in the past he was connected to his emotions, but then he just ended up blocking it, due to the harsh nature of the industry and just fell for the trap. He may enjoy the lifestyle of being famous and the fun things that can go along with it and play along with it. He may indulge a bit too much in it. He can also be confrontational, hurtful, spiteful and challenging to others. It could be if they do cross him, but he could just be overall hard to interact with in general.

He kind of seems stuck in no man's land. It is hard for him to grow out of this stage and change his ways. As I mentioned, he doesn't seem he wants to evolve yet and move away from the things he may do. He kind of just bottles his emotions, which leads him to not heal and work through things, so drama and problems can continue to haunt him. If someone avoids their emotions and doesn't deal with them or process them. It will continue to cycle back and manifest itself in different ways until you heal it. So, he seems to struggle to learn lessons. He seems to continue to get tempted to do things, which leads him down a dark path or to suffering.

He seems to be going against his true nature and true calling or what his true purpose is at the moment. And he seems focused on shutting his emotions down and putting that energy to making money, which does stunt his spiritual growth and evolution. As achieving loads of money and hiding are authentic nature is not what our soul's purpose is on this plane.

So, for my keyword deck. He got the word Love to start it off and I am like nice, so he operates on that right, but the next word was challenges, so love in general, providing it for himself and others can be challenging. Another keyword that stuck out was Daddy issues, so maybe he learned things from his Dad, or is similar to how he is or was. As I mentioned, not sure if there is generational trauma, or things he learned early on, or he can carry on the traits of his Dad that may not benefit him that much. He does have a fear of change. He does have a problem with taking his time. It is like things need to be done now. And he struggles to express himself, which leads to anger and frustration. And that can create problems in his life.

J-Hope

From this spread he isn't giving me anything that dark or shadowy. He is showing to preserve their careers they may need to sleep with others. He may not like things to be that way, but doesn't necessarily fight back against it, or have enough knowledge or proof or information of it to do anything about it, so he may have a problem that he has this fear of taking action or doing anything. He seems paralyzed by fear.

He comes off as someone who is emotionally connected and does tap into his spiritual side. He may have this flood of emotions or this intuitive sense to do something, but he tends to stop himself. He seems to go against his true nature of maybe wanting to help, but he tends to shut his eyes or pretend a problem isn't there instead.

He may feel he would lose everything and be left all alone if he speaks on things. He may communicate this information subtlety or as a unanimous source of some sort. He doesn't seem to want problems to erupt. He also tends to let things go until they overflow and burst. I am not sure what that means.

He does have this mothering energy. This needs to keep himself and others around him safe. He prefers comfort and may not like things to change too much or like chaos too much. He kind of seems addicted to the lifestyle he has and may use other outlets to work through his anger and frustration of things in the industry.

It seems he may have heard or know things about how the industry works, but he rather not looks too deep into things. To him it is better to just not know. I feel him on that, because it is safer to just now know than to investigate and know the full truth. As he may then have to do something, or he would have to face he knows these things but doesn't do much about it. He comes off as a passive observer. I don't see him being shady or dark all that much. He may be someone who doesn't stand up against shady stuff. He won't particularly partake in it, but won't fight against it for his safety. I mean a lot of people in the industry and in life are likes this.

So, these keywords he got seem to show he isn't really all that shadow like. He got the work in light card and manipulation and corruption are reversed, so he isn't really shady from what he is giving off energetically. I do see him struggling to rest and losing sleep. Also, he struggles to create or create the life he wants too as well. So, the creation process can be difficult for him, or he struggles to bring out the creations he likes or wants.

RM

So, he is shower more of a darker side than Yoongi I see. He did give me the Devil card, so that could indicate he has done some shady shit. I can't really pick up on details of those things. I do see parties with him, a lot of partying, drinking, sex probably, all that it entails with this industry.

He kind of falls for the hedonistic side of things. He may have or maybe still has that mindset. Of just doing things that provide him pleasure for the moment and doesn't think of the consequences it can have on his health. He kind of gives me having addictions and unhealthy patterns. Do I see him as a bad person that is hurtful to others, not really though, more so himself.

I do see him gaining clarity and trying to get his stuff together. I do get the sense he does lie and creates stories that fit his narrative. He does seem to have this knack of bending the truth. I mean he can just straight up lie, but more so embellishing things that fit into what he wants others to believe. So, he isn't upfront about his desires or maybe who he is. I am not sure you can believe what he says.

He does have an aggressive approach and will knock you down to get what he wants. He is a fighter and goes after what he wants and pushes others out the way to get it. He seems to struggle to meet others halfway and compromise, or he tends to overcompensate in some ways.

He could have learned from childhood to take control of things. There seems to be some sort of generational trauma with him as well. Maybe traits that were passed down from his parents. I will get more into this when I get to their family dynamic reading. Well, hopefully I can get more. He sees to be a control freak and can be rigid about things and there is this need for control. This doesn't have to be too bad, as I also have this shadow trait as well. It is just this strong desire to control things that can make it difficult to work with or people to work with them and it can be a struggle in relationships as well. It is like things have to go his way or he would have a problem. He can be a bit bossy.

He might create problems or chaos, due to his frustrations. It does seem he is trying to remove the dark shadows he may have or heal the problems he has or is trying to do some shadow work. It is like chaos can follow him. But there does seem to be a void he has that he is trying to fill with light, or just learning to remove the negativity within him or his life.

He struggles to be playful. He takes things to seriously. He can have hard boundaries or limits. There is very little room for spontaneity with him. He tends to shut himself down, so he doesn't get hurt. I can see him being haunted by the past, it can be hard to let go of that part of him. It is like he tried to do things slowly and organically, but faced disappointed, so went down the dark path to gain opportunities and that seems to stick with him and it is hard for him to move past that.

I didn't think I needed to pull my keywords, but glad I did. The first cards were trauma and secrets, so yeah, he got some skeletons and has worked in the more darker side and may have not had the best moral compass. I do see him trying to work in the light and improve his life. And they are encouraging him to tend to himself and care for his health, as he seems to not have done that or isn't still doing that. Although, he tries to improve. It can be hard, and he may fall back into patterns. He may improve if he does some healing and shadow work.

So far, he was the easiest to read and not as complex to understand. He tends to be the most open for me, so not surprised.

Jimin

Yeah, I do not see him being that dark at all. This is probably the lightest energy I have seen so far. I am not seeing much shadow energy here. I do see him being controlled by others. I see a lot of women around him. So, maybe his vice is women and maybe he is gullible to them or can be manipulated by them.

He got a lot of cup cards and the Star card. This would give me someone very emotional, loving and sensitive. He could lack boundaries. He could have this strong tendency to be validated and praised by others. There is a lack of self-validation and this need for external validation. He can be pretty destructive or have destructive habits that do not benefit him at all. He tends to struggle to not learn lessons and just keeps repeating patterns over and over again. Similar to Yoongi. He puts himself in positions to do problematic things, so he lacks caution. He doesn't put limits on himself, so he can be careless.

Although, he can be very loving and sweet and kind. He does still have a tendency to lack a moral compass with these two oracle cards I see here. I can get he could cross boundaries, maybe so to please others. I see a woman or women controlling what he does. He seems to lack self-accountability, and he can be reckless. I do see him being shamed and ostracized by this women. It is like this dude has no backbone or identity. He just goes along with what others tell him to do.

He doesn't see things for how things really are and tries to just be hopeful and optimistic about things. There could be a strong obsession or addiction he could have. He isn't very practical or realistic. He can sometimes just be in his own world. Maybe in a state of confusion a lot of the times. He just doesn't live in this reality. Maybe he is constantly drugged up who knows. His energy is confusing. I can't really concentrate in his energy, which could be the case for him. It is like he refuses to see the lies and manipulation. He tends to be naive and may think this is in his best interest or they are doing things in his best interest. This is weird. His energy is very hard to grasp, because he doesn't really have an identity or have any strong beliefs or ideals. He just goes with whatever.

Not sure why Daddy Issues came out reversed, not sure what that can mean. He did get the morally light card in reversed. He could be in that energy, but tends to block that energy. I see cards of him needing to put himself and his needs first and to gain confidence in himself. There are past issues he needs to address and he needs to learn to stand up for himself and not be a punching bag for others or just doing what others say. He has lost all sense of himself through this process. This is what I can get from him.

I don't particularly see him as dark. He could be a good person if he stands up for himself and has a core foundational self. But he tends to go along with what others say and do. It is hard to say with him where he stands. Because he doesn't have a core sense of self. I don't know what he thinks or believes. But I will say he most likely did shady stuff, because even if he is a decent person. He doesn't have the strength or courage to say no to things that may cross the moral code.

V

Okay, so overall he shows off as someone who works in the light and is a pretty good person. I mean he got the Sun (twice) and the Justice card. These cards are strong indications of someone with a good moral compass overall. I do believe he may have done some things regarding his career. As I did get Scorpio energy, along with the House 10, but this could also indicate for him. That there are dark parts of the industry he would prefer to move away from and leave behind.

I mean there is a card that states dark path, and it is in reversed, so he doesn't really step into dark things or do crazy shady stuff from what I see here. He seems like someone who is cautious and tries not to make too many bad decisions. I mean the Justice card means someone who tends to make good decisions and has good judgment.

There is a sense he may feel he knows more or has deeper knowledge about things than he does. It could be about life or spiritual matters. He may feel superior to others in a sense and feel he is above others, because of his knowledge, but he may need to understand that he nor anyone has all the answers, but he may feel he does.

There could be things he may have done that he may not be proud of, so he could have done something that he is trying to move past and create positive change. He seems remorseful and may not want to go back to doing that. Or there is knowledge of things he isn't happy about or proud of. I just see there being baggage he does have.

There is a sense he feels he does know all the answers and has a vast knowledge of insight, which is great that he can tap into the collective knowledge of answers, but no one knows the full truth, so he may not be aware of that. He might tend to see this world as a shithole to be honest and look down on this world. I get it. I can be this way too, because of understanding there is more to this life, but he needs to recognize there are good aspects and reasons we are here to live out this life.

He could have habits or addictions that help him escape and forget himself. It doesn't have to be drugs or drinking. There are many others ways to escape. I do see him feeling shame for his past. I remember someone saying he has had a sexual addiction. I can see it with this spread of cards. It may be his muse to escape, but he tends to not be proud of doing that. There could be dark secrets about the industry he would want to expose as well. I do see him at times being good at saying no to things.

I do see him being cold and distant and may ignore some people who try to reach out to him. He tends to like to keep to himself. He can be avoidant. There is this strong belief that he can do things on his own and that he doesn't really need help from others. I can see him helping people he cares about, but he wouldn't really want help from others. He tends to feel he can do it all. Okay, none of this seems too bad. Let's look at my keyword deck to see what that gives me.

Well, he did get the morally grey card, so he isn't that innocent, but I did mention that. Although, he seems more now to operate in the light and maybe tries to be more moral. There is something about, as I mentioned before, his connections and who he knows that may lead him into a dark path and make him more morally grey. He may do shady things for the people he cares about.

Although, he has his worries. I don't see him stressing out too much about things. He doesn't seem to have a problem with expressing himself and his needs. He may struggle to recognize his worth. Maybe he may not see his value as others do. Money seems to be a point of contention for him. I am not sure he cares about money too much, or he tends to always offer money to others, or people contact him for it. I don't think he needs to worry about the inflow of it too much. I mean the others probably don't either, but with him especially for some reason. He could just be the best at investing money into good things that continue his money flow outside of BTS. Anyway, didn't get anything too dark with him, but he has operated on the grey scale and did slightly shady stuff, but for the most part he tries to stay out of trouble.

Jungkook

Okay, this one is going to be difficult. It is interesting that the same cards popped up for him in the Dark Mirror deck that he got in his perspective reading. There can be a shadow and darkness in him lurking. Maybe a void within him. He got the Temple of My Body, which as I mentioned being used for his body and this could indicate sexual favors for me, as we know. He also got the Triumph of lies again. He also did get the 7 of swords in the Tarot spread, this indicates lies and manipulation.

I am not sure if that is him or the people around him are lying to him or he doesn't see things clearly. Or just his whole rise to fame was based on lies and deceit. I am getting a whole bunch of cards of manipulation, so that surrounds him and he may very well be this way.

It is like most things about him are not the truth. It is like there is a facade around him. He kind of upholds this image, but that isn't true to who or what he is. It is weird because I am getting that there is this unawareness on his part about the things around him. He is like in a daze. Also, he seems to be isolated from others. Does he not see his family a lot? It is like he seems to think or believe things are great when they are not.

He seems to be in his own bubble unaware of the craziness that surrounds him, the deceit, the lies, the manipulation. It gives me Truman show vibes of him being unaware of the schemes happening around him and him being paraded around. This is weird af. His image or self tends to be tied to other people, or he just likes to be connected with others. It is like he depends on another person to boost himself up. I mean I get that, since he is a hopeless romantic, but he may use them to fill a void he has.

It is like who he is, very much ties to who he is with. He feels like his best self when he is with someone. There is a vibrant color to him, an authentic childlike wonder to him. He may struggle to mature and can be immature. He can be naive about things. But with the darkness that surrounds him he keeps his color. There is this lack of satisfaction he does have and this desire to always reach new heights, maybe unattainable heights, or he can do dangerous things.

I do feel the abuse he may have had. Does foster this struggle in him to open up, which is contradicting with him wanting to find love, but there is this struggle to be vulnerable and maybe to reveal his true self. He may feel fear they could reject him if he does so. He may struggle to understand he is on a dark path, or learn from mistakes he has made. It may be all he knows and he may not know how to operate on making sound, reasonable and good judgments.

He seriously reminds me of Bieber. It is like if you only know a certain way of living and people around you are deceitful and cunning. It is hard to know how to work on a moral basis. He just seems caught up in a world of lies. It is all he seems to know, since he was young. It is like he is conditioned to believe the twisted things they do is normal.

Of course, these keywords do not clarify things that much as he is perplexing to me. Anyway, he should speak up on things. These underlying issues that may be happening around him. He seems stressed about what is going on, or he may be stressed and uncertain of why, but that can be due to not addressing these underlying issues. There could be a dominating figure that can restrict him from going to places, maybe traveling and creating the things he wants. None of this really doesn't show his character too much. This is more guidance of what he should do. I am still not sure if he is deceitful or people around him are and this is what he knows and learned from.

Whew this reading is pretty difficult and long, like my childhood reading. I will need a weekend break from this one too. I will do TXT and Enha next and then venture to the other groups I normally do. This one will take time to post, but slowly and surely, I will get there. As this was interesting to do. So, I am excited to get to my other groups with this one.