#the way i made this post before oppenheimer

[floralcyanidee]

ɪ sᴇᴇ ғɪʀᴇ - ᴊ. ʀᴏʙᴇʀᴛ ᴏᴘᴘᴇɴʜᴇɪᴍᴇʀ

Cillian!Oppenheimer x AFAB!Reader (NSFW)

request: scientist reader and Oppenheimer have sm sexual tension between them and trying to hide their feelings for each other cause they're colleagues but then when the Manhattan Project comes up and they both work on it together it just gets too much to handle. by @aporiasposts

disclaimer: this is a work of fanfiction. cillian's representation of oppenheimer is also fictional to a degree. if you dislike this kind of fanfiction, please keep scrolling and do not interact with this post. otherwise, have a lovely day. ♥

warnings: smut, penetrative sex, p in v sex, unprotected sex, multiple positions used, mutual pining, years of sexual tension

word count: 2090

author’s note: please read the disclaimer several times if you must before you decide to comment something snarky or send a dense anonymous ask. (: this is my first time writing smut for Robert so it was interesting!! I rather enjoyed it and I think I'm going to finish the other smut I was going to write for him. also, I changed the request details a little. reader is a historian/ political scientist of sorts instead of a scientist. I feel like there is a lot of scientist!reader fics out there and wanted to be a little different haha. I hope everyone enjoys!

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Having a doctorate in history has led you to places you never thought possible. One of those places ended up being the University of California - Berkeley. You were given the opportunity to lecture there with some of the brightest minds in the country- one of them being physicist Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer. Your disciplines differed but had the same solid foundation of facts, evidence, and logic. Needing to see things to believe it for yourself was one thing the two of you had in common, which brought you together. You were interested in his lectures and as he was yours. Both of you have learned a lot from each other and have become good friends. However, there were times when you would interact, and it felt intense. You’d grade papers together in comfortable silence, sometimes stealing glances at one another. Whenever you caught Robert staring, you’d give him a small, knowing smile. When he caught you staring, he’d hold your gaze, which made you nervous. 

You enjoyed attending Robert’s political discussions after class to see how passionate he was about current issues. Dr. Lawrence, your other beloved colleague, often warned you to avoid them, but you ignored him. The energy you’d feel toward Robert every time he’d rant about how every person deserves the freedom and the right to choose was electric. It was the very basis of your beliefs as a historian and a professor. The two of you would often go for a cigarette in the courtyard between classes to enjoy the fresh air and discuss politics. Robert loved hearing your stance on things, especially since you knew your stuff about the history of politics and how things work with them. The tensions were high that day, and before you knew it, Robert leaned into you as you spoke. But before anything could happen, it was time for classes to resume. So you went your respective ways. 

When you were contacted by the government to assist on a top-secret project, you were shocked. They needed your expertise in politics and history, as well as your reading and writing skills. You asked if Robert would be involved due to his talent in psychics, but you got no answer. You didn’t take long to learn of Dr. Lawrence’s involvement in the project, and you were ecstatic to have someone you knew tagging along. He was worried about Robert not being present for the Manhattan Project simply because of his mutual and close friends being communists. You insisted you’d speak to Robert about the matter, but Ernest objected. However, after a meeting about the Spanish Revolution that Robert had held, Ernest blew up on him. He mentioned there was a project and that Robert wasn’t allowed on it as long as he was sticking his nose in communist politics. So, Robert stopped the meetings, and sure enough, General Leslie Groves eventually poked his way into Robert’s office one afternoon to discuss the Project. 

Now, the three of you were involved and had to leave Berkeley. Robert quickly assumed the position of Project leader and already had a location picked out for the Project headquarters. You had heard many stories of this location from him and demanded he take you to it before construction began. You and Robert left Berkeley and traveled to Los Alamos via horse, talking and laughing the whole time about your childhoods and times in school. You both decided to camp there overnight and enjoy the desert and its beautiful sky before dealing with the most significant project in human history. As you sat by the fire that night with Robert, you stared at the sky in wonder. Robert watched you with just as much wonder, enjoying seeing you smile. Because pretty soon, there wouldn’t be much to smile about.

By the time you had moved into Los Alamos and started getting to work, the tension between you and Robert was becoming impalpable. The camping trip solidified whatever was going on between you two- even if it was nothing at all as of right now. Robert ensured you were at every meeting so you could give your two cents if it was needed; you were the brains and the empathy of the project. Gen. Groves admired you for it because no matter how steep the project was getting, you never once panicked or got in over your head. He also admired how you managed to keep your hands off Robert despite how you looked at him. And one day, he mentioned it to you.

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get out of here?” Gen. Groves asked you one day during a field test.

“Oh, uh,” you hadn’t given it much thought, “I’m not sure. Probably continue lecturing.”

“No one special in your life you want to be with?” Groves asked, a kind smile on his face.

“Not really,” you mumbled sadly, your eyes glanced over at Robert, “Not yet, anyway.”

“Maybe once all of this is over, you can pursue them,” Groves suggested knowingly, “We’re so close now. It won’t be long.”

You nodded, seeing that he knew who was on your mind just by how he studied you, “Maybe.”

After all the hard work and growing sexual tension over the tedious years at Los Alamos, the bubble separating you and Robert finally burst the morning of the Trinity Test. The test was a success, and Robert was basking in the afterglow. Everything from getting his hand shaken to being carried by the crowd of excited and ecstatic workers- it brought him some relief. There’s always sunshine before the rain. 

You invited Robert over to your quaint house on the outskirts of Los Alamos for your nightly glass of wine, but this time it was heavier. It was more meaningful because you finally accomplished what you’d been working so hard for. When Robert sat next to you on the chaise next to the fireplace, his leg touched yours. The sexual energy was like a thick, wet blanket. You took large gulps of your wine as Robert’s eyes stared into yours, his glass pressed to his lips with slower sips.

“I can’t believe it’s all over,” you shook your head.

“Me either.”

“What do we do now? What’s life after this going to be like?”

“I’m not sure about that,” Robert had set his wine down on the floor, “But I’m sure about something else.”

“And what’s that?” you asked, polishing off your drink.

“You.”

You slowly sat back up after putting your empty glass on the floor by your feet, “Me?”

“Yes,” Robert paused, “Ever since I met you, I’ve wanted you in ways I can’t explain. And I can usually explain anything.”

You chuckled at that, nodding in agreement, “That you can.”

Robert leaned in, and your smile faltered. His hand reached up to touch your cheek gently, his thumb pushing some of your hair out of the way. Your eyes fluttered shut as you waited with bated breath for Robert to finally, finally kiss you. It had been years of waiting now. And the second his lips pressed to yours, all that time seemed to drift away. There was an explosion in your chest at the feeling of Robert pressing against you on the chaise, pushing you down onto its cushions. His coat and tie have long since been discarded, so all you have to do is worry at the buttons of his shirt with your shaking fingers. Eventually, you get the shirt opened and off his slender frame as it hovered over you. Robert let his skillful tongue slip past your lips with ease, exploring every centimeter of your mouth. How you had longed for this moment.

“Need you, Robert,” you pulled away for air and sighed as his hands pushed up your legs and underneath your dress, “Always have.”

“I’m here, darling. I’m here now.”

Robert shoved the skirt of your dress over your hips and stomach, revealing your slowly soaking white and dainty underwear. He hummed in satisfaction when his finger circled the wet spot at your entrance, causing a moan to leave your lips.

“Eager, are we?” he teased, pulling down your underwear without hesitation.

“Yes,” you said bravely, “Now, nothing fancy tonight. We have plenty of time for other things, but for now, I need you inside me.”

“Alright then,” Robert chuckles, hastily unbuckling his slacks before pushing them far enough down his legs to be comfortable.

He glided his tip along your slickness, gathering all he could to push inside you with less friction. You whined at the contact, a wanton moan escaping you suddenly as he moved into you at a patient pace. But you were anything but patient, especially at this point. You pushed your hips, causing Robert to enter you further, to which he let out a delicious groan. His hands gripped your sides intensely, sure to leave bruises tomorrow. He buried his face in your neck, his teeth baring down into the skin as he felt you suck his cock in. 

“Wanted- needed this for so long,” Robert whispered in your ear as his tip finally brushed against your insides.

“God, me too,” you cried out when he slowly pulled back out and then slammed back into you, “Fuck.”

“Such a dirty mouth,” Robert tutted playfully, to which you flashed him a smile, moving your hips to wiggle him further inside you.

Robert had thrust himself into you again, this time a little faster than the last. He kept doing this until he had a steady rhythm, lifting your legs to put on his shoulders to get a better angle. You growled at the sensation of him hitting your cervix, and your hands scratched down his back. Robert picked up speed, almost making the chaise scoot on the floor. He was fucking you like mad, and you were taking every second of it like his cock was water and you were thirsting in the desert. In this situation, the figure of speech wasn’t too far from the truth. The feeling of him repeatedly steering into your stomach made you nearly squeal from pleasure. Robert presses your thighs to your shoulders, the undersides of them against his chest. You were a mess, moaning like a whore and gripping Robert as if you blinked hard enough, he’d disappear.

“Taking me like such a good girl,” Robert grunted, moving a hand to your cunt to swipe at your clit in time with his thrusts.

You tossed your head back, crying out at the sensation. No one had ever fucked you with such vigor and passion. You felt that growing bubble in your gut, expecting it to burst any second.

“Cum in me,” you demanded, “Need to feel you.”

Robert laughed breathlessly at you, “Are you sure?”

“Certain.”

And as if he weren’t going fast enough, he pulled out, flipped you over, and took you from behind even faster than before. Robert pushed your cheek into the chaise cushion, watching you as you side-eyed him with utmost pleasure. You could feel yourself clenching around him, your orgasm creeping up. Robert pushed your lower back down as far as it’d go, your stomach flush with the material of the chaise underneath you. Your ass being in the air caused Robert to hit a new spot inside you, sending you reeling and spilling over the edge. As your cunt suffocated his cock with its walls, Robert followed your release with his own. His hot cum filled you up with warmth, your hips still bouncing against him. Robert panted from behind you, slowly pulling himself out of your now-dripping pussy. 

You rolled back onto your back, now facing Robert, “That was… wow,” you exhaled.

“I concur,” Robert joked, sitting back and pulling you onto his lap.

You hummed in exhaustion, blissed out as you hung your head on his shoulder.

“Want to stay?” you asked tiredly, eyeing the now-spilled remainder of wine Robert had placed on the floor earlier. You’d worry about it tomorrow.

“I’d love to,” Robert muttered into your ear, kissing it before picking you up off his lap.

The rest of your night is spent watching Robert study you as you lay beside each other in bed. He took you in as if he was seeing you in a new perspective- and he was. Robert was as curious about you as he was about the world and how it worked. Except now, he had to worry about not destroying you like he had the world.

taglist:

@baizzhu @hjmalmed @queenshelby @hjmalmed @amanda08319 @orijanko @naty-1001 @raineeace @savagemickey03 @langdons-slut @shynovelist @sstar-ggirl @trixie23 @dunklerkeks1611 @hllywdwhre @slut4thebroken @mypoisonedvine @burnyouwithacigarettelighter @cranesbathtowel @arieslost @nefhertari @forgottenpeakywriter @llucky-llove @october-atoner @madlittlecriminal @ynisthatyou @starbxnny @darkmoviesquotespizza @newtsniffles @acapelladitty @radmerrmaid @loverhymeswith @lacontroller1991 @pictureinme

[zaraquinn]

i wish you love.

chapter i | from the start.

—————

summary: you and Robert’s relationship is strictly professional—working as his assistant and all, your relationship can’t get any farther than that. But you never expected your boss, Robert Fischer to be there for you at your absolute lowest; and now this relationship is as impossible as it gets.

—————

tw: mentions of domestic abuse, manipulation and a toxic relationship

word count: 2.2k

female!reader x robert fischer (inception)

requested by: my dumbass

author’s notes and additional notes: because i recently watched oppenheimer when it premiered and since then, cillian murphy has a chokehold on me that proceeded with me watching the batman trilogy and inception just for him (screaming, crying, moaning). Also, seeing and reading everything i can find that has robert fischer on tumblr, they all inspired me to write something for him too! So, for the first time in a while, i’m back to writing/posting something here and making a story that does not include following the plot of a movie (i realize i tend to do that a lot—which halters me to write in general because i have to follow the movie/tv show. Exhibit A is my wattpad lmao). This is also somewhat of a slow burn, so whoever isn’t interested in that, you probably wanna skip this one. Anyway, hope y’all enjoy this

masterlist !

series masterpost: coming soon !

——————

Your metal water bottle reached the floor with a loud thud, while water splashed out of it, making its way into the cracks of the floorboards. You stopped suddenly at the sight before you, and your body froze. Every inch of you went cold and your heart felt like it was torn to shreds right in your chest at the very sight. Tears flooded your vision in an instant and free fell onto your cheeks.

The tight grasp on the front doorknob on one hand was the only thing keeping you afloat. And with one smooth motion, all sounds and voices around you muffled as you turned around and shut the door as quickly as you opened it. Slumping onto your front porch, your gaze found itself stuck onto the floor and your shoes. The rain downpoured onto you mercilessly, but you couldn't care less. Quickly tucking your legs to your chest, the cold rain mixed with your warm tears and you sobbed.

That was until a familiar voice broke through the muffled world around you and you lifted your head from your chest—seeing him.

———

Three subtle knocks broke Robert out of his concentration. The papers were soon turning into a big blob of printed ink and he was secretly glad that he was interrupted before going on much longer. And with those three subtle knocks, he knew who it was to always rescue him from his thoughts.

It was you, his personal assistant, Y/N L/N. you worked for the million-dollar company for a few years now and worked your way up from secretary assistant to now the highest position in your field—as Robert Fischer’s personal assistant. Your skills were very impressive, even for someone as young as your age who can juggle dates, organize events and handle tasks; even when things piled up and got overwhelming. It was show-stopping really, as your skills made your role almost to the highest position. Robert was beyond impressed, and with countless late nights spent in his office working on endless papers and contracts, he was glad to have someone like you by his side.

Since you started working for Robert, he has been pining on you since you started but he knew it would be near-impossible and also very unprofessional. With his father and the company taking over every part of his life, he wished just once that someone up in the clouds could throw him a bone and not have Fischer-Morrow take whatever personal happiness he had left. Of course, that was never an option, so he opted to keep everything strictly professional and hidden. But those late nights of sneaking glances at the way your brows furrowed in concentration while reading, or the way you twirled the pen between your fingers while reading documents, or the way your lashes perfectly framed your beautiful eyes, Robert took what he got. Even if it was just spending time with you while his heart yearned for more.

“Come in.” He said softly, leaning back into his leather chair as you stepped in ever so gracefully. My god, did he think you were beautiful. “Mr. Fischer, I brought these for you.” You said leaning over and handing Robert a folder with important documents. Your voice was music to his ears and you were the only thing that could make him smile on these long days at work. A small smile brushed his lips as he took the folder from you. “Thank you, Y/N.” you returned with a grateful smile as you returned to your calendar in your hands. “Also, please don’t forget your meeting with your uncle in an hour. He wants to discuss the future of the company but has been booked up until the evening. So you only have an hour with him, unfortunately.”

Your eyes were downcast at the mention of his father and Robert’s smile dropped. Every mention of “the future of the company” really meant what happens after his father’s passing. He looked back up at you and gave a sad smile. “Thank you for reminding me, Y/N.” You gave another polite nod before turning around to exit. “Wait.” You turned around at Robert’s voice and looked at him with wide doe eyes. “Yes, Mr. Fischer?” Robert felt a small brush of heat dust his cheeks as he looked over at you. “Will you be there?” He swallowed; his voice now a softer tone than when you came in. “No.” You said and Robert could feel his embarrassment rise. “But I can be.” You offered with a reassuring smile to your boss. His shoulders dropped and he let out a small chuckle and sigh to release any worries he had in that very moment. “Thank you.” “Of course.” And with that, you turned around and exited his office.

There was always an unspoken friendship between the two of you. It was always kept clean and professional, but nowadays after the countdown started for his father, you realized just how much he needed you. Not only were you his personal assistant, but his friend. A real friend and a real connection he had both inside and outside of work. Not everything was about work, and hell, you both knew a fair bit of each other beyond Fischer-Morrow. Staying late with him in his office completing countless documents, agreements and booking meetings slipped through pockets of Robert’s personal life. Mostly during coffee breaks. You learned about him and how he grew up as the countdown continued.

You could tell that he leaned on you for support through these hard times. You knew the way the way his hands fidgeted when he was anxious or nervous during a meeting, or when his jaw clenched when people mentioned his father’s health state. You knew that look and the bob of his adam’s apple when he was in deep thought and could do nothing but swallow his worry. Every small detail about his habits you caught on and it comforted him to know that he has someone like you looking out for him, while in the workforce, he was looking after everything else.

Truth be told, you were glad that Robert was those bosses with humanity and feeling left in them. He treated you like a friend, not a subordinate below him and often showed you kindness and compassion through his professional facade. Although you don’t disclose many details, he also took note of things you liked and didn’t, and even made a promise to always make up your over-time at the company with him. Either by getting a coffee and snack for you the next morning or paying for you during lunch while out with another man for another boring meeting. It was the least he could do.

Along with your friendship with him, you started to yearn for another life—another life with him in it, and you can feel yourself starting to develop feelings for him. But you pushed it away because of how unprofessional it is, and your home life.

Work and seeing Robert was your only escape from paradise from a rather upsetting personal life. As the home you came back to wasn’t a home at all. It was a persistent struggle with a man you know who is starting to no longer love you. You have your suspicions, but it was a turbulent relationship that made you question whether he even loved you or not. Night after night you were met with something empty, or angry, or a switch of a teasing nobody. It was pathetic really. You knew it was a situation that could turn ugly real bad after a few glasses that shattered to the wall behind you, and you were ready in a fleeting moment to run off to a hotel for a few nights while you find another house for yourself.

That’s why you chose to spend your nights late at the company, with someone who doesn’t—no; who would never treat you the same as he did. You chose to spend your late nights escaping from your home with Robert, and you were so thankful.

———

The meeting with Robert and Peter finally came by, and you accompanied Robert as you both headed to the restaurant that Peter had chosen. Robert opened the car door for you and you nodded as you slipped in, Robert following closely behind.

Shutting the car behind him, the drive began. Opening your organizer, the ride had gotten a bit bumpy, considering the endless construction in the city, a few loose papers and notes had fallen on the floor of the car. They scattered to even Robert’s side of the car and he immediately helped you pick up the loose notes. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Fischer.” You swiftly repeated. He was able to collect most of the notes quicker than you did as you shoved your organizer to the empty seat between the two of you. As you were about the reach for the last loose note, Robert’s fingers took it in his own. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” He softly said, sitting upright on the seat and handing the note to you. His hands brushed against yours and he quickly noticed the slight purple bruising on your hands and knuckles. His face turned to worry as he reached for your hand with a gentle touch. A flash of a fight with your boyfriend a few nights back reminded you of your bruised knuckles as you quickly took the note from his hands; giving him an apologetic smile and retreating your hands behind your organizer.

“Thank you, Mr. Fischer.” You took the rest of the notes collected on your lap and organized them accordingly. “Is everything alright at home Y/N?” The car was coming to a slow stop and they were slowly pulling into the entrance of the restaurant. You looked down and gathered the notes back where they once were and cleared your throat. Looking up at Robert, you gave a small, but false smile in his direction. “Yeah. Everything is fine.” You looked down at your lap once more, avoiding his concerned gaze. His eyes linger on you a little bit longer, his hand slowly reaching your wrist once more. The valet opened the door on Robert’s side, greeting the both of you and stepping aside for the both of you to get out of the car.

You followed Robert as he walked into the restaurant. But instead of walking behind him like you usually do, he lightly guides you with his hand ghosting your waist beside him. His hands make it back to his sides and he flashes you a small comforting smile as you both are led by the waitress to Peter on the rooftop area of the restaurant.

Peter puts down his glass and papers on the table after he sees his godchild at the doorway and smiles at their arrival. Robert looks at you for a swift moment, for some semblance of comfort and you return one, just as he has done so for you in the car.

The two of you approached Peter as he shook your hand first, before putting a comforting hand on his godchild’s shoulder as he led him down to his seat. Robert takes a glance behind him, checking on your presence as you take a seat behind him. Whether it was for himself or your sake, it was needed for the both of you.

—

The meeting had gone on as expected. The two men talk about the what are the next steps for the company, and although hard for Robert, he continues; seemingly empty or uninterested in it all. You notice this immediately, as the notes you write down quickly are all from Peter than your boss himself. You look up to see the two now get into a deeper conversation, and it's not about the business anymore.

“The clock is ticking Robert. We have to think of the future now.” “I know Uncle Peter, but—” Peter puts a hand on Robert’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard son, believe me, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But this is what we have to do.” Robert looks up at him once then back down to the documents in front of him on the table. He lets out a defeated sigh and sits back in his chair. “Alright.”

———

The night had rolled around and everyone slowly had retired for the day and you had finished your tasks. Rising from your chair, you packed all your things and turned off your desk lamp, walking towards the elevator of the large building.

The elevator opens and you walk inside, about to press the ground floor when you instinctively stop and glance at the fifth floor, where Robert’s office was. Thinking he probably left, it wouldn’t hurt to check just in case, right? Quickly glancing at your watch, you decided it would only take a few minutes, and let your finger press the delicate button. It lights up, and you ascend.

The doors let you go with a ding and they close. Stepping onto the main waiting area, you walked through the floor; through the waiting and meeting rooms and to a hall—the path led by shiny wooden floors. You make your way to the end of the hallway to the door of Robert’s office. His name is in bold, black letters embossed on a golden plaque.

You take a breath and lean closer to the door, the three soft knocks that announce your presence.

———

hope you guys love the first instalment! if you wish to be added to a taglist (i might be starting) please let me know in the comments! :3

———

! masterlist !

! series masterpost !

[brielledoesastrology]

asteroid oppenheimer (67085) in your astrology natal chart

By : Brielledoesastrology (tumblr)

"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds" - J. Robert Oppenheimer quoting from the Bhagavad Gita

asteroid Oppenheimer code number : 67085

When i was hunting asteroids i actually didn't expect an asteroid to be named after him since he is a very controversial figure of history. Before this post started i just wanted to say that I do not idolize or sorry even respect this person since i am aware of what his creations have done to hundreds of thousands of people. By the way the picture above is cillian murphy not him.

This asteroid is named after J. Robert Oppenheimer. He was an American theoretical physicist. He is often credited till now as the "father of the atomic bomb" since he is the one who is responsible for the research and design of an atomic bomb. the atomic bombs were used on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which to date remains the only use of nuclear weapons in war.

Did he regret it?

only 11 days after the bombing of Hiroshima, on August 17, 1945, he expressed in writing to the US government his desire for nuclear weapons to be banned. Two months later he would tell President Harry S. Truman that blood was on his hands.

Oppenheimer became an advocate of nuclear disarmament and spoke out against the use of nuclear weapons during the Cold War. He also had his security clearance revoked and was accused of being a security risk due to his past connections with communist sympathizers. Many historians attribute this in part to his opposition to nuclear weapons and the arms race. 

Overall, it is clear that Oppenheimer had mixed and contradictory feelings about his involvement in the development of the atomic bomb, and certainly had some regrets about the consequences. 

(if there is any incorrect information above please correct me by reblog or commenting, so many sources have different stuff about him even big sources now i am just confused)

(for the regret or not part i am not sure if it is correct or not since a lot of big different sources said different stuff about what he felt, please correct me by reblogging or commenting if i made any mistakes on the sources i posted above)

In astrology the asteroid Oppenheimer (67085) could represent : where u could feel u have blood on your hands, where you could or not feel guilty about ur creations/actions, where ur creations cause massive destruction.

If i even have to be honest i kinda hate that there was an asteroid named after him. 🥲 Like seriously everytime when an asteroid is named after a historical figure i always get nervous.

⚠️ Warning : i consider this asteroid as prominent and brings the most effect if it conjuncts ur personal planets (sun,moon,venus,mercury,mars) and if it conjuncts ur personal points (ac,dc,ic,mc), i use 0 - 2.5 orbs (for conjunctions). For sextile, trine, opposite and square aspects to asteroids i usually use 0 - 2 orbs. Yes tight conjunctions of planet / personal points to asteroids tends to give the most effect, but other aspects (sextile,trine,square,opposite, etc) still exist, even they produce effects. If it doesn't aspect any of your planets or personal points, check the house placement of the asteroid, maybe some stuff/topics relating to this asteroid could affect some topics/stuff relating to the house placement . ⚠️

[girlcrushart]

I'd sorta promised not to post Kristen today because variety is nice, but the problem is that last night I went and saw Love Lies Bleeding because my friend @whoiwanttoday made it clear it was very important that I did so, and in matters like this he's rarely wrong. And woah, ya, that was a good movie. Really good. The night before we'd actually watched Oppenheimer because that has the reputation of being a good movie, and honestly it was... long? Informative? Sorta? Predominantly about men making bad decisions? Anyways, Alice and I fully agreed that Love Lies Bleeding was a much better movie. We certainly enjoyed it a whole lot more. It was stressful tho. It's a tense movie, but it's supposed to be. It was beautifully filmed, had a very compelling story, and all the performances were fantastic. With, of course Kristen holding down the fort and being spectacular and hot and sexy and awesome. And gay. Woah it sure was gay. Katy O'Brian was amazing in every way (so great that they actually had a bodybuilder play the role of a bodybuilder). and woah so hot. Incredible performance from her as well. Really really good. Oh, and the sex scenes. Holy fuck. It's so great to see Kristen being able to fully embrace her gayness in a role and the chemistry was off-the-charts bc obviously both those girls were turned on by each other, and so ya, that translates into a whole lot of girls being turned on. If you like hot gay girls then this is a movie for you. But also, if you like movies then this is a movie for you because it is a very good movie. It happens to have hot gay girls in it, and also the movie has nothing to do with them being gay, nor does any of the tension or conflict have anything to do with gayness or coming out or being gay or anything like that, which is really refreshing. Today's girlcrushart guardian is Kristen Stewart.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

what was i made for?

note: i wrote this piece after seeing the Barbie movie in july and got so enraged by what happened at the golden globes that i just had to finish this. i don't know if anyone will read this but i just wanted to post it. Rebel is my most special girl. (@cottagecori unknowingly came up the ending to this fic)

same mistakes

word count: 1.5k

You squeeze Liam’s shoulder, passing him the ticket. “And what do you say if anyone asks why you’re in there without an adult?” 

“Your stomach was bothering you, so you went to the bathroom.” 

“And?” 

“Then I text you to come back to the theater.” 

“Correct. And?”

“Um…” 

“Not a word of this to your dads, do you understand me?” 

He nods eagerly. 

You hum, letting him go. “Have fun, kid.” 

Liam’s grin is wide as he bounds into the theater across the hall as you sigh. 

Liam had only been with Jake and Javy for about four months now, and already knew exactly how to play you to get what he wanted. 

You weren’t exactly sure who had put their foot down about Liam seeing Oppenheimer, but regardless, Liam’s dads had said no, leaving the boy disappointed. Apparently, his best friend Carter had an older sister who had snuck their whole friend group into Oppenheimer the week before while Liam had been in Savannah with his dads. 

So, when you had suggested seeing a movie today to keep Liam occupied, he’d had a look on his face you just knew you wouldn’t be able to say no to. 

You turn, walking into the theater with your popcorn, sitting down in your chair. 

You glance around the theater as the previews roll, the costumes and bright pink of the people in the room standing out as you snack. 

You’re a little underdressed, it seems. 

-

“The Barbie movie did more for me in two hours than two years of therapy.”

April’s words played in your head as you watched the movie, seemingly doubtful this movie could needle you so much. 

You doubted you’d even cry.

-

Take my hands, close your eyes, now feel. 

The first tear startled you as it slide down your face, not even realizing it was going to happen until your throat closed in on you. 

You got up from the theater as the tears came in succession, warm against your face as you pushed out the doors, out past the concessions stand and into the fresh air of Grossmont Shopping Center, sitting down next to the fountain across from the Cold Stone. 

A little boy stared at you as you broke down in tears, not even really sure why you were crying. 

April had gotten it all right when she said that the movie dually captured the reality of what it was like to be a woman while also the beauty of it too - and you hadn’t anticipated it cutting so deep. 

It was so hard to sit there and watch that montage, to feel the love that emanated from those clips. The way America Ferrieria looked at her character’s daughter with so much love it made your chest physically ache. 

It wasn’t often your Mom’s absence popped up like this, when you had wished so badly to know what it was like to experience a mother’s love. 

Your Dad’s love was enough for you and that was all that mattered to you. 

But sometimes you craved having someone to teach you how to do your make-up, someone to gossip with over a glass of wine, someone to guide you when you didn’t know where else to go. 

The closest you’d ever gotten to a strong maternal figure was Carole, and she was long gone by now. 

God, all you wanted right now was to say to give her one last hug. 

To say thank you for all the unconditional love she had offered you so freely when it came at a cost from everyone else. 

-

Bradley snickers as he rolls over in bed. “Now that it’s just the two of us: did you sneak Liam into Oppenheimer today? Your secret’s safe with me.” 

You glance up at him from where you’re looking at the photo album. “What?” 

He pauses, clearly seeing something on your face as he begins to frown. “Everything okay? You’ve been kind of quiet this evening.” 

You shrug, looking down at the photo album in your hands. He moves, shifting to sit next to you. 

“I miss her.” You say quietly. “I miss her so much B.” You say with a shake of your head, as you feel your throat close up again. “God, I- I wish so badly she was here to tell me what I’m supposed to do now, to help me figure out who I’m supposed to be.” You snap the album shut, sliding it away from you as you tilt your head back, trying to blink away the tears. “God- and I’m- I’m always fucking crying and I never ever mean to and I-” 

Bradley’s hand glides up your thigh to sit on your waist, tugging you towards him. “Honey, what- where is this even- what are you talking about?” 

You sniff, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. “I went to go see the Barbie movie today while Liam saw Oppenheimer – don’t give me that look, he was not hiding it well at all – and it just made me- it just made me miss your Mom.” You admit quietly. 

Bradley’s next breath is heavy and shaky as he tightens his grip on you. “I miss her too, you know. Every day.” 

“I wish she was here to tell me what to do now that I don’t know who I am.” The words come out soft as you shrug, looking down at where your fingers intertwine with Bradley’s. “Your Mom - she always had the best advice. And she always knew just what to do next, even when I never saw a way forward. She was so kind- and- and witty and clever. And I- I don’t feel like I am even half of that.” 

“Baby-” 

“And I thought I had my whole life and my identity. I was a Navy pilot, following in the footsteps of the people who raised her and I thought I knew who I was supposed to be and what I was meant to do and even if I wasn’t happy, it was- I don’t know- I’m just- I’m so lost Bradley.” Another tear trickles down your face. “I thought I was Rebel but maybe I’m not her anymore. But without her, I don’t know if I know who I am.” 

It’s silent for a minute, the tears drying out on your face as Bradley sits there with you. 

“I will never be as good as my Mom.” Bradley whispers. “Probably- never half of what she was. But I- I know what she would say if she were here.” 

“Yeah?” You sniffle. 

“You are the most incredible woman I have ever known. You may not see it, but Rebel is only a small part of you. You are the most badass, confident, funny, caring, intelligent woman I've ever known. You are selfless and you care so deeply about all of your friends that they become your family. What you do for work - that isn’t who you are. You’re so much more than that.” 

“But she was who I was for so long - can I ever be anything more?”

“You already are.” He whispers. The tears start again as he looks at you with an almost proud smile. “I’ve been meaning to bring it up to you for a while, thinking about what you might like to do next. You know, one of the reasons I fell in love with you was because of how much you care for others. And I know- I know what the Navy did to you is never going to go away and I am glad you left it behind, especially because those things- they’re ingrained into the culture of that place. But what if- what if there was a way for you to help others? You always say how there wasn’t anybody to help you, but what if you were there to help the girls still in it?”

-

“I’m literally a Ken doll and you didn't even ask me to match with you!” 

Liam’s hiding his giggles behind his fist as Jake stares in horror at Javy’s Halloween costume. 

“Jake-” You say, unable to stop the giggle that escaped at your friend’s reaction to the Halloween costumes you and Javy had picked out after seeing the Barbie movie together back in August. 

The blond turns on you. “I am literally Ryan Gosling Ken and yet you guys are going as Ncuti Ken and Emma Barbie?!” 

“Don’t even bother, Bagman. I already tried and she said that if I dared to bleach my hair like Ryan’s, she’d divorce me.” Bradley pauses next to Jake. “And I kind of think she’s serious. I’m not sure. I’m not in the business of, what did Liam call it? Fucking around and finding out? So couple costumes are out.” 

You give a playful half-shrug. “I mean, the two of you could go as your own pair of Kens. It doesn’t have to be Barbie and Ken. It can just be- the Kens.”

“Bob can be Alan.” Javy supplies, nudging you. “We could do a whole group costume. You can still be Kenough, Jake.” 

Bradley lets out a barking laugh that he ends up coughing down at the glare Jake sends his way. Liam ambles over to you, clinging on to the side of your arm. “I’m sensing a this is my mojo dojo casa house! moment is about to come out.”

[mikrokosmos]

Fendrix - Soundtrack for the film Poor Things (2023)

I've probably said this before but I usually don't post film music on this blog. Mainly because it's questionable how much a score for a film could be considered "classical" or of the classical tradition. On the one hand, the kinds of genre and styles used for films, and the specific function of the music as accentuating or being part of the overall finished work of the film makes it out to be its own unique genre. On the other hand, classical composers in history have written incidental music for stage plays as well as scores for films, from early / classic film scores by Saint-Saëns or Prokofiev or later in the century by Takemitsu or Glass and going through to today. Regardless I had heard this music before seeing the film Poor Things and was immediately taken in. I loved it so much that I was disappointed that it did not win the Oscar for best film score this weekend (though I won't complain much because the winning score by Ludwig Göransson for Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer was evocative and intense so it was worthy of the award and praise). Still I have a soft spot for Jerskin Fendrix's imaginative and otherworldly music fitting for the equally "otherworldly" and fantastical atmosphere that the world of Poor Things tries to evoke. Yorgos Lanthimos is one of my favorite living directors and I was excited to see this film, even moreso after hearing the score. While I love the exuberant style, unique cinematography, and the dreamlike images, I will admit I was somewhat disappointed by the film overall (I didn't love it as much as I did his 2018 film The Favourite), and am still uneasy and disturbed by the subject matter and implications of an infant/prepubescent mind developing in the body of an adult woman, and all of the uncomfortable sex scenes and conversations as the film goes along. Still, I do love this score as a stand-alone album. Bella's theme is awkward, slightly out of tune and discordant, conveying the kind of naivety, curiosity, and somewhat self consciousness of being a "child" trying to understand the world they live in. The score continues with keyboard textures, detuned harps and winds, scratchy violins, vocalized oos and ahs, creating a lot of artificial and even alien sounds that disorients the listener in the same way that the wide lenses and porthole shots disorient the viewer. And later in the film (mild spoiler alert) when "Bella's" "real husband" arrives, we are made to feel sick and unsettled by the low frequency pulsing that makes us dread his arrival. A lot of textures and harmonies are unexpected in ways that make me wish Stravinsky were still alive so he could hear and share his thoughts. I especially thought of Stravinsky with my personal favorite track, "Portuguese Dance II", with violent and punchy, comically disturbed accordion chords that open into a catchy dance tune which may as well have come from one of his ballets. This same music gets its own awkward dance scene (another Lanthimos trademark) with Emma Stone's Bella and Mark Ruffalo's despicable Duncan. Again this is a bit different from my usual posts but regardless I hope you can enjoy the bizarre and wonderful soundworld that Fendrix created for this film.

[whoiwanttoday]

The Oscars are upon us and thank god. This year's awards season felt prolonged for some reason, like extra long. It's a thing I look forward to with all the red carpets but also seeing what wins and discussing what should have won but somehow it felt like it lasted forever this year. Maybe it's just me, who knows, but a few movies seemed to have a death grip on the entire conversation this year. My take on 2023 was that it was sort of an interesting year in that it's mean was strong but it didn't move me. A lot of years there are one or two movies that are such favorites of mine that I know I will return to them again and again. Movies that hit my heart. Last year it was Aftersun, a few years before that Portrait of a Lady on Fire and Little Women, and so on. This year, assembling my top 10 list I found that there was nothing that I couldn't wait to pop in again but I had trouble keeping the list to just 10 movies. It was a weird situation where if you looked at my list and told me my ten should be one and my one should be ten I'd probably agree with you. Anyway, with the Oscars coming here is what I think of the big awards. Best Actor I don't care. There are three candidates that if they won I'd be glad and I think the most likely to win are two of them so that's fine. I think Ryan Gosling should win for Supporting actor but he probably won't but I won't be heart broken cause I saw all the performances and they are good and the best supporting actor this year wasn't even nominated so who gives a fuck? Ditto best Actress and supporting actress but my pick would probably be Emma Stone for actress. Best Picture I think Zone of Interest or Poor Things would probably be my pick of those nominated, both are amazing pieces of cinema but the first can be like doing your homework in the sense that it is a deeply unpleasant experience that I think we should all go through from time to time. Past Lives and Poor Things are very rewatchable and will grow with each viewing so I think have the most legs for posterity other than the obvious Barbie and Oppenheimer. As for Oscars snubs, the stuff they basically ignored but shouldn't have because it's better than some of what made it in no orders is: May December, Asteroid City, Return to Seoul, Wes Anderson like ever, Zac Efron, CHARLES MELTON, Park Ji-Min, Greta Lee, Teo Yoo, I guess maybe just Asian Actors in general, great job Oscars. Oh, and you know, shout out to A Thousand and One which probably shouldn't be nominated, it wasn't perfect but is the sort of flawed that made it somehow far more compelling than a lot of the nominees this year. Oh, and Four Daughters should win for documentary because it is movie and fascinating and takes a tact I have never seen a documentary do before. Award moving the medium forward.

Anyway, all that is a long way of saying I am posting Margot Robbie today who should have been nominated for an Oscar this year. It isn't the single greatest snub of all time but she was in a movie that helped save Hollywood for at least one more year and did a phenomenal job in a role that I think literally she is the only person who could have played it. Acting is so much more than the words you say and your body and physicality is part of it and there is something to be said about someone who can both look like Barbie and act at a high level. Despite the fact that I do not feel the same level of lust for Margot Robbie the rest of the world does I cannot help but admire her as an actor. She is, without a doubt, someone who goes for it in a way very few movie stars do. She acts in everything i have ever seen her in as if this is her one shot to get into Hollywood and if she half asses it her career is over. This is such a level of effort from a movie star who often settle into a persona. Not because they can't act but because a persona is more profitable and better for their career but also yes, it is easier. Easier and safer and she never, ever does that. Thing is, awards are often about what is distinguished more than it is about what is accomplished and playing a toy is not distinguished playing say, dead people is. Now, you'll hear people say awards don't matter and they are nonsense and that's all true except also they do matter and they are important. Which is why this isn't a massive snub because Margot Robbie is going to be just fine but here is why they are important. Every single movie nominated for the Oscars this year is about to get a second life. It will have more eyeballs on it than it would otherwise, both in theaters and on streaming. Artists tend to want their art to be seen, it's very unsatisfying to create and have it wither in obscurity. It will also make them more money so they can make more art but also so they are rewarded for their labor. Finally, everyone likes to be recognized for their work. Anyone here who does a job knows how awful it is to toil away in obscurity without so much as a thanks or recognition of your effort. Which is why you see people like me worry about who wasn't nominated as much as anything else. So they don't matter in the sense that who wins the Oscar has no impact on what is or isn't a great movie but it does matter in the sense that it matters to the people working on it and it matters on how it gets recognition for work. So, Margot Robbie could at least win as a producer but I think her role was good enough she should be nominated as an actress again and think she largely wasn't not because the field was so crowded but because she made a movie about a toy and thus we've seen almost no actual awards for Barbie. Enjoy the Oscars, enjoy these pics of Margot. Today I want to fuck Margot Robbie.

[choirstaidhiona]

This Barbie Cries In Public, or I Wish I Could Show My Mum The Barbie Movie

Like everyone else in the world, I recently saw the Barbie Movie! I also saw Oppenheimer, in the cursed double bill of the century, and it's taken me days to process both of them and all the BigFeelingsTM That have come up from both, so in my first actual considered and proper blog post on this website since I was the world's angriest teenager, I'll be sharing them, alongside some thoughts about grief and gender and all that really fun and not miserable at all stuff.

Part 1. Barbie Girl

I was born in 1996, a weirdly large baby constantly dressed in pink and lace and frills, as my mum would say, "a proper girl". I loved dolls; baby dolls, Barbie dolls, Bratz dolls, doll house dolls, paper garland dolls I made whenever i had a sheet of printer paper handy for years of my life, Polly Pockets, those weird off-brand dolls you'd get in corner shops and chemists for some reason, all of them. I loved dolls. I still love dolls. I made a film last year where i painted dolls and animated them and it was sad and about childhood and death and memory. I used to film my Barbie Princess and The Pauper dolls singing together and I made a music video of it on my Karaoke machine, rigged up to my pink TV. I was, in short, A Barbie Girl.

When Bratz appeared in the supermarkets of Greenock, I remember the shift happening really clearly. I was in Primary 5 or 6 and my Grandad had died, Baby's First Big Death, and I drew everyone pictures of the outfits I'd dreamed up for my Bratz dolls, transfixed by their big mouths and big eyes and the way their clothes sat on their bodies. Drawing pictures for people made them happy. Drawing pictures for people made them tell me I was clever. Drawing pictures for people gave me a task and gave me a focus. I loved Bratz dolls because Barbie was too boring. I was getting too old for fairies and princesses (note: I have since regressed), Mattel's fixation of the era, since Barbie had already been a Doctor and a President long before I met her, and I didn't know she had all these cool talents and past careers. To me, she was part of a personal era I was moving on from. Bratz dolls didn't have jobs, they were like Ken from the Barbie movie, but their job wasn't Beach, it was Gorgeous. I don't think it's a coincidence that this was the era I'd been told specifically that there was something wrong with me by other girls for the first time.

I grew up in Gàidhlig Medium Education, a sectioned-off and sheltered part of the Scottish Education System that I owe my life to, I would not have survived, weirdness and spirit intact, in any other school, and I know that for a fact. I'd entered GME at 2 and 10 months old and left school at 18, having only known classrooms where everyone was a bit different because we belonged to this sort of movement of cultural reclamation. My only prolonged interactions with "The English" (the rest of our classmates from the English speaking part of our primary school, the ones not in the Gaelic unit) came at the end of primary school, when we started learning French together as a whole year group. It's not an exaggeration to say that GME kids were bullied appallingly by "The English", including a lot of the old-school teachers. I'll go into this properly another time, but I do think that I saw in Bratz the kind of aspirational teenhood I hoped would be beyond my late primary school experience of being othered- being edgy, wearing cool outfits, having boobs, and most of all, working at gorgeous.

Part 2. Oppenheimer Teen

Think of the most catastrophically annoying and angry kid you knew growing up, that was me. And I lived here, on Tumblr, blogging my early teens away - being not like other girls, then being radicalised by third wave feminism. Learning about queerness, and realising I wasn't just the best ally of life, I actually fancied by best friend. Discovering that the square root of happiness was hunger, (i mean this ironically, it's very much not) and documenting my ever growing thigh gap... all of it. I wanted to tear everything down. I gave this section the title of Oppenheimer Teen because I thought it would be funny, but honestly, I was more like the atomic bomb.

I'd long since been informed that playing with dolls wasn't okay anymore, it was embarrassing and for babies, and the only femininity I was happy to take part in was a half-understood Kinderwhore version of it. Everything i embodied in this era was based on Courtney Love's babydoll dresses, red lips, and bleached hair. The first time I bleached mine, it broke my mum's heart. She had breast cancer and was losing her shiny brown hair, while I was turning mine into custard-coloured chewing gum with 40 vol at the bathroom sink. I didn't want to be pretty because I didn't know how to be without being ridiculed for trying, I was hurt, and I was scared, and my mum was sick and my boyfriend was evil, and Jesus, I was so hungry all the time. Eventually, after about two years of starting fights I couldn't finish, and drinking 70cls of straight vodka while looking men (teenage boys) in the eye, and reading the communist manifesto on the 6am Gourock train home after parties I'm still processing in therapy, my mum got the all-clear. I dumped the boy who was abusing me, who by this time was a grown man, I dyed my hair pink, and green, and blue... and I met the first of the girls who would start to save my life, while we were drawing pictures and dressing up at art camp.

3. Actually Talking About The Barbie Movie

Every year that I haven't been a teenager has been better than the one before, this is something I've told every teenage girl who has ever told me she's worried about growing up, and I've seen a wave of calm wash over her face every time. I really saw myself in the angry, clever, moody group of teenagers Barbie meets in the school canteen when she arrives in our world. Sasha, who I think we've all realised/read by now was named for the Bratz doll along with her friends, tells her she doesn't represent her, she's let her down, she's old news!! This was how pink and sparkly girlishness felt to me at that age, I didn't look like Barbie anymore, and the girls who did were making my life hell. I had acne, and my period lasted three weeks at a time, and being a girl wasn't fun anymore. Everyone just cared about which Ken they were getting off with, meanwhile I'd just realised that death existed, and one day would come back and finish the job and take my mum away, what the fuck was Barbie fucking grinning about?

Her spiralling existential crisis throughout the film was truly jarring, only because I remember those exact moments of girlhood. I remember being 11, lying on the floor and crying and feeling like it would never stop. I remember being 8 and noticing my belly was rounder than the other girls at ballet. I remember sweating after a game of rounders at 10 and realising I stank and feeling like I was malfunctioning. I remember being so angry for a whole year when I was 9 that I wanted to bite people. I remember every time I wasn't being a "proper girl", and how I saw on everyone's face that they felt it too. I remember every time I realised that I wasn't perfect anymore, just like Barbie does, and that I just wasn't the way I was made anymore. And they still feel like fresh wounds, fresh failures, despite what 2012 Tumblr feminism taught me.

I've seen Tiktoks from the current generation of internet teens discussing how the film wasn't radical enough in its feminism, and I get it, to an extent. When you've been an Oppenheimer Teen - fighting boys about how they treat their girlfriends that you're secretly a bit in love with, spending your whole life placing your value in your intelligence and your rage so as not to be someone's Barbie, making online friends all over the world because no one gets you, reading feminist lit while your classmates are excited about YA Fiction - Gloria's monologue, the climax of the film's mission statement, feels like "okay, and??" And as I said, I was Sasha, eviscerating femininity for what it had done to me. But as I grow up, not a (Barbie) Girl, not yet at all a woman (I'm non binary, knowing that is vital to understanding that joke), but also no longer an Oppenheimer Teen, I see the spaces that the powerful, vengeful feminism of my youth is missing.

Every time my friends are mistreated by men who are supposed to love them, there is a beat before they remember who they are where they think they deserve it. We constantly wonder if we're over reacting to our own trauma. We lose weight through grief and are told we look great and we say thank you, and sometimes we mean it. We fear taking up space even though we can't help it. We wonder if we should go for jobs that we aren't technically qualified for, even though we have degrees and years of experience to contradict our gut feelings of inadequacy. We are clever, bright, talented people, but those of us who have a girlhood in our pasts have a unique never-quite-healed injury. It's like a broken ankle from falling off a trampoline when you were 10 that aches in cold weather even now, the ankle you always go over when you're drunk in heels. I didn't know I'd grow up and get less angry. I didn't know I'd pick my battles eventually like everyone kept telling me to at 15, instead of waging war on everyone. I didn't know there would be a day that life would figure out how to make me small. I thought I had shut up the Barbie Girl I once was by outsmarting her, but my heart is still baby pink, strawberry scented, and covered in sparkles, and it always will be.

When i sat there, bathed in pink light, surrounded by mums and daughters, best friends, sisters, queers who never got to be Barbie Girls but desperately wanted to be, grannies, and aunties, and tiny girls who have no idea how much their hearts are about to be broken, I held my friend Isla's hand and i kissed it and wiped tears off my cheeks, because we were all there, together, in the middle of the afternoon on a Monday, living not in a Barbie world, but the real one. The really shit one. And the biggest cinematic event of our lives was telling us we were right, and it wasn't our fault, and we didn't make it all up for attention, we weren't rude or bossy or difficult, we were traumatised and hurt and tired. The children we were who played with dolls, cutting off their hair before we were allowed to mess up our own, had been let down.

4. Still Talking About The Barbie Movie, But Also Talking About My Mum.

Nearly a month ago, my mum died. She had a brain tumour, diagnosed a decade after she had the all clear from breast cancer. These two acts of evil by the universe were unrelated, it wasn't a secondary tumour related to her first one, it was just bad luck. She had been sick for years, and before that she was sick in different ways for years, so it wasn't a shock, but it has forced me into a new era of my life in a way I wasn't ready for. Just like growing up.

My mum was born in poverty in the 1960s in the West of Scotland, and by the time I came along her life was a dreamscape compared to what she had once known. We had a standard, comfortable-enough, but still working-class life, but we lived in her Barbie Dream House. I got my love of clothes and dressing up from her, the colour palette of my life from her, and my internal monologue from her. We spent most of our time together until I moved to Glasgow at 19, even when I was raging and destructive, because she was sick, and because she knew I wasn't going to be that way forever. She had been a wee girl once, too. She knew why I wanted to bite people.

The moment in the Barbie Movie where Ruth Handler says "We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they've come” launched into my chest like a fist and winded me. I was holding my friend Isla's hand at this point, too, she knew why I was crying and she cried too. I know this line was likely intended to be about career and the choices afforded to older women in the past, and the choices afforded now to mothers vs fathers, about the sacrifices of mothers and the love they send their creations, us, off into the world knowing, but my mum's own stillness was suddenly phrased in a new way, and it hurt. I don't want to look back on photos and videos to see where I left her, I want her to be dressed up in pink and glitter to go to the cinema with me. I wanted to cry with her and tell her I loved her for everything she did for me growing up, for putting up with me when I ruined by hair and dressed like a maniac and cost her a fortune in black eyeliner. I wanted to thank her for laughing and agreeing when i told her I wanted to bite people, I wanted to thank her for understanding my hormones were making me shouty and introverted and weird, not my intentions. I don't want to see how far I've come without her, she was supposed to be here.

I wish I could have discussed Gloria's point of view with her, watching her daughter grow up and away from her, in reference to our relationship. I wish we could have agreed we were so glad we got to the other side of that, and that every year I wasn't a teenager was better than the last for her, too. We would have laughed at Weird Barbie because all my dolls looked like her too. She would have remembered stories about my girlhood i'd never heard, she always did when we watched films together, often in her bed while the rain poured outside. The strangest part of losing my mum, has been losing the only witness to my entire life, because no one knows you the way the person who made you, lost you, and got you back knows you.

5. The End

Greta Gerwig has made me cry a lot, mostly about being a daughter to a mum, and growing up, and I love that this film fits solidly into her library, while standing out as an offering to a world that doesn't seek this kind of epiphany out. Barbie's mission as a doll was supposed to be about empowering women and girls, giving girls a role model when women didn't have space in the world to make globally successful films about how brilliant and capable and hurt and injured women are.

It's easy to look back after seeing the film, especially with all the history lessons included, and decide that Ruth Handler won the day with this mission, but I think The Barbie Movie will be the true closing chapter to this objective for Mattel. Isla (my friend whose hands I kept kissing and crying on in the cinema) and I were talking after the film about how kids now aren't growing up with the Barbie we had. They're not getting glamazon, can't stand up for the size of her boobs Barbie, with her yellow hair and a princess dress. They're getting flat footed, representative of them Barbie. She looks like she eats her dinners and she could actually do all the activities she's dressed to do, she's modern, and that's class, it's the next step in the evolution. That means that this film won't give the wee girls we were sat among in the cinema the same gut punches and feelings of nostalgia for girlhood when they grow up that it gave us. Their Barbies are just dolls, pals, they aren't trying to prove anything. There's no "please go further than I ever did, please" in the marketing, we all know we can be whatever we want to be in theory, we've heard it all and we're constantly under pressure to actualise it, like Gloria was talking about.

We've finally caught up to Barbie, we can, in theory, have our own homes and careers, we have the right to our own bank account, we don't, in theory, have to have families if we don't want them, we can be whatever we want, it just really, really fucking hurts trying to get there. And so we meet Barbie, all of us able to actually stand without a giant hand supporting us, Birkenstock to Birkenstock, looking out at what's to come. What's to come, is more of what's been, because we don't have equality, or anything close to it. We are still aching and being traumatised by our world. By the end of the film, Barbie is a real woman, a symbol of this new era Isla and I were talking about. She chose death and cellulite and misogyny over their absences because to feel, and to be real, and to stand with the girls who grew up loving her, is more noble.

I will say though, if there's a vacancy in Barbieland now she's in LA, I have really bad cramp and I'm tired of crying for my mum, so I'll send my CV over if anyone has an in x

[yakuzacanons]

I have a vision just let me cook

The boys being forced by their S/O to play Minecraft. I need to know how chaotic it would be

Personally I just know Majima would get his grubby little hands on TNT and start going ham

Anon, I see your vision and I love it. Ask and ye shall receive.

Also I know I've got other asks in the inbox rn, I'll get to the rest later today as I'm posting this right before an Oppenheimer/Barbie double feature. So if you've sent stuff in, fret not. I'll get to it in exactly 5 hours. Meanwhile, enjoy this post!

Kazuma Kiryu

His main motivation to play will be from seeing how much the kids enjoy it. Plus, the only thing the kids like more than playing Minecraft themselves is crowding around Kiryu as plays.

Haruka and Taichi will be doing most of the guiding here. Minecraft might've been your idea but the kids always have this magic way of explaining things to Kiryu in a way that he'll get it.

He'll totally say something sappy like "Do you want to see what I made in Minecraft for you?" and will shyly ask you to play with him once he gets the hang of it. You'll also catch him on wiki pages trying to understand what the heck he's doing.

Majima Goro

Doesn't understand a darn thing and doesn't care. Turn your back for five seconds and he's on the other side of the map doing who knows what. It's not that he doesn't want to understand how to play, he just wants to learn things his way, which is often times the hard way.

Lots of exasperated noises when he dies but before you know it he'll be back at it again. Says dumb things like "Oi babe, what's this?" while holding TNT or "Don't worry 'bout me darlin', I'm immune to creepers" before instantly dying.

Actually gets super into decorating. Maybe some part of Majima Construction carries over into his gameplay. He's also very curious about literally everything. He might grumble at first about learning to play "A silly game fulla cubes 'n shit" but he'll end up loving more than you ever expected.

Saejima Taiga

He'll refuse at first because he knows he's completely illiterate when it comes to technology and he's embarrassed to make a fool of himself in front of you. The best way to get him out of this funk is to let him watch you play for a while. Eventually his interest and his desire to do an activity with you will outweigh his nervousness.

He will require the most handholding out of all the boys. However, he will beam with such pride when he accomplishes something himself. He will even hug you with glee when he gets something right. The game is challenging for him but he loves spending the time with you.

Is the most likely to dig a hole straight down into lava and die. Poor guy, he was just excited that he finally figured out how to hit stuff and wanted to see how far down he could go.

Akiyama Shun

Has zero idea what you're talking about when you ask him to play. He'll say something like "Mine-what?!" followed by a very confused look. He's a visual learner so once he sees the game he'll be like "Ohh, I think I get it now."

He in fact does not get it. It's not that he's never played games. It's just that he didn't expect the game to have so much stuff in it. Lots of "Huh?!" or "I can do that?!" while playing.

One of the more eager boys when it comes to playing Minecraft with you. He doesn't get super embarrassed when he messes up and you both get a kick out of building a world together.

Tanimura Masayoshi

Most likely to be an experienced gamer out of all the boys. When you ask, he'll be like "Really? You wanna play video games with me?" in a rather cutesy way.

Having said that, he will still try to impress you by acting super cool in the game. If he messes it up he'll just try to play it off like "Ah, I didn't mean to do THAT".

Will provide drinks and snacks while gaming. Probably some iced tea, chips, or pocky. He's a snacky boy.

Ryuji Goda

Honestly hasn't ever really had time to explore what video games are so he'll be curious to at least give it a shot. You'll both learn very quickly that he has a short temper with games.

He does not understand the purpose of dying in games. It frustrates him. He just wants to smack around blocks and stack blocks, what's dying got to do with these blocks anyways? That's his attitude.

Once you show him the ropes, he'll get a lot calmer and the more he learns the less dying bothers him. He's the most likely to watch let's play videos out of all the boys.

Nishikiyama Akira

His interest in games is about average, as well as his knowledge when it comes to video games. When you ask him to play, he'll say something like "Heh, only because you asked me so nicely, okay?". Secretly, he likes that it's an excuse to spend time with you.

Since his skill and your skill are relatively balanced, he doesn't need much help. He thinks it's cute when you show him something you worked hard on making in Minecraft.

Out of all the boys, he's the most likely to dedicate time to building a whole world with you, down to the last detail. He's a great creative partner in Minecraft.

Daigo Dojima

He's clueless. Someone help the poor man. Last time he had time for games, he was just a kid. Since then, games have changed so much that he feels totally lost.

He uses computers some at work so to him computers are for working, not fun. When you first propose the idea, he'll be like "Games? In my work computer?" but once you show him the basics, he'll be chomping at the bit to try it out.

Daigo works so hard that he doesn't get much time for leisure, so combining that with spending time with you is a golden opportunity for him. Even when he gets frustrated or dies in game, he'll calm himself and get back in the saddle. He really wants to learn how to play this well.

Mine Yoshitaka

He will refuse to play at first, saying something like "You play honey, I'll just watch". It's not that he doesn't find the idea of playing a video game with you appealing, he's just the type of guy who's so used to upholding appearances and his reputation that he doesn't want to look stupid in front of you.

Eventually his interest will get the better of him and he'll say "Okay, show me how this works" and he'll find it cute how excited you get that he actually wants to learn how.

Slowly he'll learn that making mistakes in games are okay and not nearly as terrifying as mistakes in real life. Playing this game with you will become a great outlet for him. Also the type of guy to give you shoulder massages if you play for a long amount of time.

[yourssinfullyquiche]

In the oath the two souls make…(D, no.23)

Hello, all you beautiful people🥰 This is sort of an AU drabble. Very fantasy-like Hope you enjoy~

Prompt 55: a kiss on a toe

Gavin x F!reader

It has been for more than a thousand years the practice of binding one’s soul to the soul of another—a promise to share a life together. A testament to the commitment each has to the other has passed through generations. One only feels bonded to another when the binding is forged. 

The “soluir” as we call it, is an engraved silver band that one wears on their feet. For a fair maiden, it is worn on the second toe of the right foot, engraved with patterns, whatever it may be. For a lad, it is often a bare silver band on the second toe of the left foot. For us, our soluir is engraved with the oath we uttered after we professed our love to one another.

This intimate ritual, one that is done without any prying eyes, is sacred to the bond of the two souls that come together as one. After all, it is the time when one sees the person they are tied to in their entirety, reflected by the intensity of their love. It is after, when they have become one, that the man kneels before his woman as my man does it now. He remains in that position as I bow and kneel before him.

Slowly, I slide the band on his toe. I meet his eyes to find great intensity reflected in them, golden with emotion. With love, I give him my smile. He gifts me with his radiant one, as he takes my hand and leads me to sit on our bed. Kneeling again, this time he carries my foot forward, and slides my band in place. Another gift he gives, like a dewdrop falling gently onto a leaf, the kisses on my toe.

Tears dew my lashes. I leave the bed and sit on my haunches before him, and with our hands joined together tightly, his forehead resting on mine, we utter the oath we made.

Through the blood of my blood, the bone of my bones, in all my forms I am yours, body and spirit, till the end of time.

-

A/N: Thank you for reading❤️ The oath Gavin and reader makes is inspired by Outlander A few more drabbles until Gavin's birthday!! I've never written so much, I've made a lot of progress~ I watched Oppenheimer yesterday and it was so good

💌Asks are open: spots to kiss

Delve into my world

© YOURSSINFULLYQUICHE2023 — no part of this writing shall be plagiarised, translated or reposted in any way. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

Taglist: @purple-cat-demon @rinharu-purple (if you want to join my taglist, please visit my blog and click the link available on the pinned post)

[denimbex1986]

Barbie is everything. He’s just … Robert Oppenheimer.

That’s right. The main character competing with Barbie for attention right now isn’t Ken, her plastic significant other. It’s the man who designed the atomic bomb.

Fans have been waiting for this summer’s release of two movies — “Barbie,” from Warner Bros. and directed by Greta Gerwig, and “Oppenheimer,” from Universal Pictures and directed by Christopher Nolan — which are both coming out on July 21, and they have been poking fun at the stark contrast in the movies’ themes, moods and color schemes.

The result of the release schedule is a mash-up many people may not have seen coming: Barbenheimer. Or Boppenheimer, if you will.

“Oppenheimer” is Nolan’s prestige movie based on “American Prometheus,” a biography of Oppenheimer, the scientist who led the Manhattan Project, which during World War II produced the first atomic bombs. The trailers for that film, with intense music and suspenseful scenes starring a pensive-looking Cillian Murphy as Oppenheimer, are in stark contrast with the pink and sparkly trailers for “Barbie,” which show Margot Robbie as the doll living in Barbieland before setting off on an adventure into the real world.

The two characters could hardly be more different (does this Venn diagram even have a middle?). And yet, Robbie and Murphy are appearing on T-shirts and sweaters together.

Memes, videos and online chatter have flooded social media, and some people are making plans to see the two movies on the same day. A debate about which order to see them in — “Barbie” first to start the day off light, or “Oppenheimer” first, to end on a more cheerful note — hasn’t been settled.

The curious crossover is also giving rise to real-life merchandise. A Google search for “Barbenheimer T-shirt” brings tens of thousands of results, and sellers on Etsy have designed their own versions. Some feature Robbie and Murphy, while others combine Barbie’s pink font with a pink drawing of an atomic cloud.

One such T-shirt, and an early entry in the crowded field, is a simple split-screen combination of the two movie logos, spelling out “Barbenheimer” with the release date of the films.

Hunter Hudson, 23, a filmmaker in San Antonio, said he originally designed and created the shirts for him and his friends to “roll up to the Barbenheimer double feature” on July 21. But when he posted pictures of the shirt on his Twitter feed, he said, it took off beyond his expectations.

“I normally get about three or four likes on anything I post,” Hudson said. But after sharing a few mock-ups of the shirt, he woke up one morning to hundreds of messages from people asking him if they could buy it.

Hudson makes the shirts himself, with a friend, and charges $40. So far he said he had made about 150 shirts, with a second batch of about 70 more on the way. It takes him about 45 minutes to an hour to make one T-shirt, which he does by cutting two shirts in half, pinning them together and sewing and pressing them.

“I had a couple of movie theaters reach out to me privately to do bulk orders for employees,” he said. “It’s been overwhelmingly positive.”

This kind of organic marketing is probably good for both films, said Robert Mitchell, the director of theatrical insights at Gower Street, a company that does predictive analysis for the film industry.

Not that the studios’ marketing has been lacking: There are life-size cardboard Barbie boxes in theaters for people to take pictures and a selfie generator. There have been collaborations with multiple brands: The frozen yogurt chain Pinkberry is offering a Barbie flavor, Gap has a line of Barbie-themed clothes, and Airbnb is offering a real-life Barbie Dream House in Malibu. Warner Bros. declined to comment on the movie’s marketing efforts.

What all this hype means for box office results for either film is unclear, and awareness doesn’t always translate into attendance, Mitchell said. Predictions for opening weekends are tricky and a lot can still happen before July 21, said David Gross, a movie consultant who publishes a newsletter on box office numbers. Some conservative industry estimates, he said, have “Barbie” opening between $55 million and $65 million in the United States and Canada, and “Oppenheimer” between $40 million and $50 million. Both of those estimates would be strong for a fantasy comedy and a historical drama, neither of which are sequels. Superhero, big action and big animation movies usually open higher, Mr. Gross said.

Still, the hype around the films could be beneficial to the numbers. “Every time ‘Barbie’ released a trailer, ‘Oppenheimer’ would start trending,” Mitchell said.

“They’re so vastly different,” he said, “that they allow for the narrative that popped up organically: This would be strangest double bill ever.” That online conversation, he said, “is pretty much a gift for distributors.”

While social media is full of people showing off their tickets to see the double feature, it’s unclear how many really will. “But it shouldn’t matter,” Gross said. “Audiences are going to find them, and both films are going to do extremely well.”

[pinkeoni]

click for pretentious film bro ranting

Why do I see some barbie fans (especially on here) create this fake feud between oppenheimer and "film bros" that is honestly only happening from their side. Yes on the most extreme end there people like Ben Shapiro who say wild stuff about barbie and try to detract from it, but I see those kinds of people as not even having a voice in this conversation. Why are you trying to give them legitimacy? And furthermore, why are you grouping other film bros in with that crowd anyway?

It's the alleged "film bros" on twitter who were the ones that was championing barbie the hardest before most current fans even knew that there was a barbie film in the first place. It's because they keep up with film news and were excited that a new Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbauch feature. The film bros that these barbie fans so staunchly hate are the ones that created barbenheimer in the first place as a way to uplift cinema and to encourage more people to go to the theater. Now obviously barbie did better numbers because it's much easier to market a 90 minute film based on a famous toy line rather than a 3 hour historical film. I'm not saying that you had to have seen oppenheimer to appreciate cinema, and there are plenty of film bros who loved barbie and didn't want to see oppenheimer (I was actually just talking to my old film prof about this, who HATES christopher nolan) and there are plenty of film bros who saw oppenheimer and disliked/didn't want to see barbie, but from what I saw film bros were still encouraging seeing both regardless of how they felt because the point was to get more people back in movie theaters.

When any criticism (fair or unfair) is levied against the barbie movie it's fans will use the "cinema created by women for women should be seen as a important" as an argument against these criticisms, and while I agree with that statement, what angers me about their usage of it is that these specific fans do not actually give a shit about cinema created by women unless it is a multi-billion dollar blockbuster. I do think that Greta Gerwig grossing over a billion at the box office is a huge accomplishment, and I think it's a great film (I gave it 5 stars on Letterboxd and cried three times) but Barbie is far from the only female led project this year, and not even the only oscar contender led by a women. Tell me, did you see Past Lives? Are you going to see Bottoms? Did you know that Molly Gordon made her directorial debut this year? I saw a post that alluded to Barbie and Oppenheimer being the oscar leads this year 💀 I'm sorry, but as much as I love both of these films, if you think the only two oscar contenders of the year are barbie and oppenheimer then I'm going to safely assume that you do not watch movies. Let's wait until the new Martin Scorsese film drops before we start making our oscar predictions, shall we.

If these fans really cared about film then they would not be picking imaginary fights with oppenheimer fans. If these fans really cared about women in film then they would actually recognize and champion some of the many other films made by women this year that does not include multi-billion dollar blockbusters.

[rjcopeseethemald]

WIP Questionnaire ±1

To be honest, I keep looking for these as an excuse to talk about my work

This one I got from @illarian-rambling, I wasn't tagged in her post but I accepted the open invitation However, since this is how my mind works, I'll turn this into a game. Updated Rules: 1. Answer as few or as many of the following questions as you'd like! 2. In passing the tag along to others, you can add one question of your own, or replace an existing question.

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

The magic system. It took years for the idea to finally click in my head, too. It started when I watched the Terrible Writing Advice on Myths, Legends, and Gods; JP just had to challenge me with "A pantheon of the Periodic Table would be way too big". So I said "Alright, bet", but the idea still wasn't there. Then, I finally began watching ATLA and Breaking Bad (very late to both parties), and then my brain went: "What if... chemistrybending?"

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Probably a more light-hearted version of "Can You Hear The Music" from Oppenheimer.

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

Hydrogen, Admiral Wright, and Miilo Saba. Hydrogen is the Elemental of their namesake atom, and I attempted to write them as wholesome and eccentric. I would liken them to a much older and wiser version of the Collector from The Owl House. They also wield a flaming shortsword, and can turn invisible (since hydrogen gas is invisible by default). Admiral Wright is the main antagonist of volume one. She was the first woman (and still only one of two) to be fully commissioned in the Lodinican Republic Navy, and is otherwise known as its toughest commander. Her backstory is a commentary on how simply letting marginalized people into unchanged power structures doesn't change their marginalizing nature. Miilo Saba is the older cousin of the twins Lia and Lioko, and he's the captain of an anarchist smuggler ship. He's mostly light-hearted and laid-back, except in a situation where there's no messing around, in which case he can become deadly serious. Why? To be honest, I picked these three because they were the most engaging for me to write.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

Likely the animated ones I've mentioned before: ATLA (Legend of Korra included) and The Owl House, plus other animated shows like Steven Universe. The book will include illustrations a la The Chronicles of Narnia, except in an art style that would easily translate to 2-D animation.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Holding myself to the standards of good writing. In particular, character writing and depth of worldbuilding.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

I have sea wyverns, which are about twice as big as an albatross; landback tortoises, which are somewhat of a grounded take on the mythological giant turtle/tortoise trope; and more minor appearances like torpedo-fish (fish that can swim up to 80 knots in short bursts) and taransis, cat-sized Lucas-the-Spiders.

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

The equivalent era to our world is the 1910s-early 1920s. There are ocean liners, trains, and horses, and the occasional airship, while cars are still rather new.

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

I am almost done, thank God. I'm planning to take spring quarter off from community college to finish it.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

The novelty of its magical premises and take on the fantasy genre. Perhaps its politics, too, but those are more of a background thing.

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

I hope it's as original as I claim it to be! A pipe dream of mine is that the complete series financially sustains me, but I'll just retire to a commune upstate if that doesn't happen.

I will add a question 11: What pieces of media have been the most inspiring to you for this WIP? Passing this along to @serotoninshift, @kaylinalexanderbooks, and @she-who-fights-and-writes if any of you all are interested!

Blanks below:

What was the first part of your wip that you created?

If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

What part of your wip are you working on rn?

What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

What are your hopes for your wip?

What pieces of media have been the most inspiring to you for this WIP?

[greypetrel]

Hi! You don’t need to post this if you don’t want, but I saw the response to that comic you had before you deleted it, and wanted to reassure you that there was no way to interpret your comic as making fun of the atomic bomb. I think the other commenter may have been confused and thought that any mention of the Oppenheimer movie was an issue?

Hi noonie, thank you for reaching out!

Replying the next morning because yesterday it was extremely late and I tried to get some sleep.

Thank you for the assurance, I indeed think I accidentally stepped on ground that was made delicate and hurtful by the whole thread without realising.

My ignorance doesn't justify me or make what I wrote less hurtful, still. But it's gone now, so no more people will get upset, I won't engage anymore in trends I know nothing of thinking I act outside the chorus when I'm not, the topic is problematic as a whole, let's not risk again to hurt other people.

... Or at least, I hope it's that, and that it wasn't the summit of many things I drew and said that caused some hurt without me realising. I sincerely hope they weren't there brooding over my content and reacted at the Nth problematic one. (but that's my anxiety speaking... Or so I hope)

I would just like to add any further that if I reacted a little harshly, it was just because I felt accused out of the blue in a modality (a comment under a post) that really makes me unconfortable. It was the first time I interacted with that person and not being given even the benefit of the doubt... I don't blame them, they were hurt. I could surely have reacted better than I did with a person that i don't know and who doesn't know me and I'm sorry.

I'll stop before I start justifying every single thing I ever did or choice I made.

To make this useful for everyone, just some notes under the cut if they may be useful to clarify some things about me and my behaviour on socials.

Thank you for your kind words, noonie, really! And sorry if this comes out as terribly long and wordy. I'm not the best with anons, I'd reply privately if I could. But since this is public anyway, I'm trying to get some good for everyone and hopefully help avoiding further miscommunications.

This blog is for my art and writing. I reblog DA stuff here because there are people following me here from the fandom.

All other topics are reblogged on my sideblog @stridingcorgi.

I don't talk about stuff if I don't have anything constructive to say or a fully formed opinion of. It doesn't mean I don't like to read about it, even if the opinion is the opposite of mine.

I actually love to hear different opinions! Please, tell me when your opinion differ from mine! I loved shivunin's Your Fate For Mine... And Solas is definitely an antagonistic figure there, I loved seeing that take! Unironically, even if I like to write him differently.

(and just to clarify further: I love Vivienne. She's one of the most complex and nuanced characters in DAI. I don't write her because I never played her -yet- at high approval and I know I'm missing a lot of her characterisation. I won't just mock other people's takes on her before having first-hand experience in game, that's all. Take this for every character you don't see me writing about.)

If I say or do something that hurts you: please, by all means, tell me. I have no problems editing or deleting posts, and I have zero issues apologising.

All I ask is, please: some politeness. I am a person and I'm trying, if there's something hurtful for you assume I apologise in advance, I didn't do it on purpose. Does it minimise the hurt you're feeling? NO, at all. But rest assure that I wasn't aiming at you, there wasn't any malevolence, there's no need to attack.

Just, since I have my idiosinchrasies (again: Anxiety Disorder): if you can, please reach out to me in private. Message me and let's discuss it there! If you want explanations I can give them, and if you don't that's perfectly fine, I'll apologise and fix my mess without you having to explain why. Hurt is hurt, whether I see why or not. Just a "Hey that post hurt me can you edit this or delete the whole of it?" will do.

I just... Don't like much discussing these things in public, PARTICULARLY in places I have a limit of characters. My first reaction is explaining my thought and what I did, because getting why people acts some way I find offensive helps me cope with it and accept it better. The character limit deprives me of the chance and makes me feel anxious.

My anon asks are open until I have a reason to close them.

I will tell you that I had bad experiences with anons... And my tolerance for them is lower than other people's. It has nothing to do with this story, but just so you all know.

[roseofblogging]

Rose's Media of 2023 Round-up

Well, now this is truly going to be a Rose Rambles post

I am truly awful about remembering what I watched/read. Maybe I'll be better about that in 2024. Maybe not!

Noting that these are not necessarily all things that released in 2023 (but many are); they're just what I discovered at the time.

Favorite book: The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa I bought this book in May 2022 from the Powell's bookstore in Portland while I was there on vacation. I'm very slow getting around to books due to my TBR being so long (and I go through it slowly because my day job is book editing). I was motivated to read it when some Splatoon friends started a Discord book club, and this was our first pick. It's dreamlike and strange. Some might find the vagueness on the rules of what's going on unsatisfying, but I didn't go into the book trying to figure out exactly how their world worked. It's much more about the experience and quiet horror of forgetting things and people. I had just gotten a diagnosis for ADHD shortly before starting this novel and was already in a headspace of reconciling just how poor my memory can be (slightly different, as ADHD most impacts working memory, but still). Definitely recommended, but go in knowing that it's slow and thoughtful rather than heavily plotted. Runner-up: Lore Olympus

Favorite live-action movie: Tár This is a tough one. I really, really enjoyed both Barbie and Oppenheimer, but I have critiques of both. However, Tár (which came out in 2022) just really floored me with how intense it was and how anxious it made me (in a good way!). Runner-up: Talk to Me

Favorite live-action show: The Fall of the House of Usher Not one of Mike Flanagan's best, but still very good! I don't think I can say anything about it that others haven't said already, but it's beautiful, haunting, tragic, and very well-acted. Runner-up: Andor season 1

Favorite TV anime: Gundam: The Witch from Mercury Suletta Sundays were THE BEST! I really wish this had some tweaks, maybe a part 2 fleshing out some other things (as a lot of worldbuilding started to feel rushed), but I was a big fan of all the references to Shakespeare's The Tempest and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and even sooome similarities to Evangelion (some, not many). Guel became my favorite character for much of the show, but I also love Suletta not only for being our first female Gundam protagonist, not only for being our first queer woman of color Gundam protagonist, but because I really enjoy stories about replicas/clones of redheaded characters. (This is funny because I'm replaying Tales of the Abyss right now.) 2023 wasn't one of the strongest years for anime, though. As much as I loved Witch from Mercury, it's got some weak points. Nothing really hit the same high point of the end of the first part. Runner-up: PLUTO

Favorite animated movie: The Boy and the Heron This is not my favorite Miyazaki movie by far, but it is one of the ones to feel like a very targeted attack on my post-college life! It's weird, the pacing is a little wonky, but I love its ideas and themes so, so much. I still need to see this in the English dub (I've heard wonderful things), but the original Japanese cast is fantastic. This is a very sad movie that does not seek to manipulate a viewer's heart. You know how a lot of movies know how to cue tears with swells of music? I'm not even knocking that for being manipulative--I like it! But I was so impressed with how deeply The Boy and the Heron (aka "How Do You Live?" as the English translation of the Japanese title goes) affected me without any tricks--just heartfelt moments that might have meant nothing to others. (The bread scene made me choke back tears in the theater.) This movie is about grief, but it's also about creative legacies. It's hard to watch this and not think about how there's really no one to follow in Hayao Miyazaki's footsteps at Studio Ghibli. His potential predecessors have either died or seemed uninterested (in the case of his son, who seems content not to pick up the mantle). Runner-up: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (reeeeally only because of its cliffhanger ending... It doesn't feel like a finished story.) Honorable mention: Suzume (I gotta at least mention it, because it's my favorite piece of media about dead places).

Favorite video game that is NOT SPLATOON: Tears of the Kingdom I actually had a very fun time piecing together story beats and exploring, but I still stand by it not being one of the stronger Zelda games imo. I know some people still have not played, so I'm being vague on purpose, but I actually greatly enjoyed Zelda's presence in this game compared to Breath of the Wild.

[radfemfox5]

Did you hear dc lost 200 million dollars from The Flash? Good

I'm glad that the superhero fad has more or less ended now that the Thanos era is over. It was fun while it lasted, but men have started to realize that they're being fed the same story over and over. Crazy how long that took.

The Flash was not only incredibly boring, it was also poorly made and had a known violent rapist, groomer and cult leader playing the main role (source). This might have flown under the radar, had the producer of this movie not directly addressed these unpunished crimes, saying that audiences will "forget all about it." No, I'm not kidding.

Besides this vomit-inducing take, DC is way too late to get on the multiverse trend. People are sick of it. Even if Ezra Miller gave an Oscar-winning performance and the movie was a masterpiece, it's all been done before. It's not a ground-breaking take on the genre.

I'll take this opportunity to rant about cinema. I'm glad that dramatizations of real-life events, like HBO's Chernobyl and more recently Nolan's Oppenheimer, are getting mainstream attention. I think people want to see high-quality content and are still willing to go to the theatre to see this content despite the existance of streaming services, as we saw from the success of the "Barbenheimer" opening weekend.

The thing is, people don't want to take the time to go to the theatres to see a mediocre or even a good movie when they can wait for this movie to be available on a streaming service. Nolan movies are known to be better in IMAX (I think Nolan is incredibly overhyped imo, his movies just aren't really for me, but I digress) so this caused a lot of people who skipped Interstellar in IMAX to splurge for the ticket this time, which is double the price of a normal movie ticket.

I saw Oppenheimer in IMAX and a lot of the dialogue was incomprehensible, but overall I enjoyed my experience. A lot of movies I've been to recently had people talking through it, but this one was incredibly silent. Everyone was respectful and it was a sobering thing to experience on the huge IMAX screen with other people.

Anyways, I hope the mainstream popularity of this story will make other directors take notes. Barbie deserves a dedicated post, so I might do that once I have my thoughts in order about that one.