#the war has been so bad for my writing
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“Kaeda,” you say, “we have been waiting patiently for the next chapter of 2 tusk 2 love for over a month. You haven’t updated your queue in over a week. We sent you wip game asks that you never replied to.”
Alas it is the holidays, and getting more funding for Ukraine has run headfirst into the wall, and I am starting a new job so things are quite hectic. But I hope I will have more updates (or at least my queue back and running) very soon!
#the war has been so bad for my writing#I don’t think I’ve written consistently since February 2022 which I guess makes sense#but god. it’s so frustrating#anyway hopefully I will be back soon#and hopefully Ukraine will get the aid it needs to keep on fighting off a genocidal invasion#🙏🙏🙏#the lives of several people I know are on the line if this doesn’t go through and if Russia invades further all of my loved ones are at ris#it’s so dire#there are still days I can’t concentrate on anything else#but I love and appreciate you all#and I swear I will respond to what I can AND post the next chapter soon#my writing
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I don't think anything will ever be funnier than Banesaw's first of his only two sentences being, "Finally, I get to kill a Schnee," knocking Weiss unconscious in a single hit, then just chucking her into the next room so Blake can save her
#rwde#forever giggling and exasperated by this train sequence#this could have been avoided if it had been BLAKE fighting Banesaw and far more interesting too#they (presumably) had HISTORY. HE WANTED TO DRAG HER BACK INTO THE FOLD. THIS COULDVE BEEN PERSONAL#and literally NOTHING came out of a white fang member meeting a schnee so what was the FUCKING POINT SHAWLUNA#YOU DIDNT EVEN TRY#also im like 99% sure banesaw is just yatsuhashis model w a mask#anyway wtf was that train plot eh? was the purpose solely to cause chaos and destruction? wtf was the goal?#seriously early rwby schemes feel so random. reminds me of mcu thanos oddly enough#the way both cinder and thanos bip bopped between destruction for destructions sake and Big Smart Plan with Big Purpose is uh. Bad#and for the exact same reason: there was no structure or forethought in the writing process#also both were written by shitty men. i will fight the russos in a parking lot with nothing but my teeth#they absolutely shouldve been fired after civil war. absolute dogshit#do not ask me abt my mcu opinions i will never stop screaming#edit: forgot banesaw opened for roman at the white fang recruitment meeting so he has FIVE lines not two#two out of five lines are abt members of rwby yet neither amt to anything. yeehaw
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Cartoon) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: CT-9904 | Crosshair & Clone Trooper Hunter Characters: CT-9904 | Crosshair, Clone Trooper Hunter (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Reconciliation, Forgiveness, (or something close to it), very poor communication skills but they are trying, Spoilers for Season 3 Episode 4, Everyone Needs A Hug, they're not quite there yet but maybe later, Hurt/Comfort, Angst Summary:
It’s about an hour into their hyperspace jump when Crosshair realizes the Marauder doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Well this surprises no one more than me but I actually wrote and published something
Picks up right after the end of last night’s episode
#tbb#the bad batch#star wars#tbb crosshair#tbb hunter#tbb spoilers#bad batch spoilers#my writing#(let's see if that's a tag I use ever again lol)#we were still using fanfiction dot net the last time I posted something I wrote so it has been a hot minute lol
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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To continue the woobified view of the Elites and my comparison of them to the Black Eagles :
Same for me regarding the BE, especially because they also literally fought Edelgard's troops in WC when you choose their house, and even if you don't, they definitely still would know that Edelgard dus nasty shits in WC.
The idea that media literacy is dead is quite fitting, because the idea that even rotten persons have loved ones/that having loved ones doesn't mean you're not rotten is a known thing, yet the Eagles and elites get a pass solely because "they genuinely believe in the cause" and "they love and care for each other"
Probably Fraldarius was as devoted to Nemesis as Ingrid to Dimitri, Lamine very well may have been as sassy as Dorothea, perhaps Goneril was as brave and endearing as Caspar, or Maurice was as loyal to his clan's interests as Petra to Brigid's happiness (through a strong bond to the Empire) but like the BE, they are butchers, who relished in the destruction of everything those against them hold dear, lap dogs and rabid curs of someone they definitely know have crushed innocents and scorn the very idea of peace except under their domination.
The only meaningful difference between Edelgard-following BE and the elites is that we can know more about the BE and we are forced to dislike cutting them down even as they refuse to let northern Fódlan alone.
Honestly I need a fanfiction where the BE are called out for that bullshit.
Yep!
That's the tone deaf feeling I got from Nopes, the Deers are hunting someone bcs their leader wants her dead for no reason, but Raph only comments on how hungry he is.
Uh, sure Raph, you're not the most thoughtful character in there, but come on? Some commentary or exposition on what you're doing? Hello KT? Can we have characters be challenged or even react to the events of screen instead of wondering what's for dinner/teatime?
No??
I wouldn't say it's an issue of media litteracy being dead, but more something in the lines of people being more and more "all or nothing" nowadays, without any nuance and conflating liking a character with the idea/image that might project on you : if I like ASOIAF's Cersei, I don't think everything she does is "justified", but modern fandom, I feel like some people would categorize you as a "good" or "bad" person based on the characters you like, and it's just... not what fandom is or was supposed to be imo, I'm here to nerd and gush about favourite characters, not write litteral essays about the Geneva Convention.
Corollary is what, imo, made the Fodlan fandom hell : some people really take "criticism" against a character personally - sure the way FE16 was written invites projection, but at the end of the day, making a Berning Fire Joke is, just, making a joke about a bunch of pixels, nothing more.
Back to the BEs, they can have a sense of camaraderie and genuinely support each other... as they tear apart "people because Supreme Leader told me to" and fight side by side with Bob the Carpented who was turned into Waldi the demonic beast.
Ferdie can skewer Flayn on her father's lance because she is "a creature that has plagued humanity for ages" even if they reached a C support before shit hit the fan - and still protect Mercedes and Bernie from their abusing Fathers. Does that make him a great guy? A nuanced guy?
I think the trope is called "even evil people have loved ones" or something like that?
I don't think so, but he is no random one note villain sycophant either - now, what is the more annoying with the Fodlan games is how this dichotomy is never called upon : everything is just a giant blob or Hresvelg Grey ("morally grey" but only applied to Supreme Leader) where no one really is angry at her, and all the "sacrifices" she's making are off-screen while the characters on-screen always moan about her "ReFoRmS" and "IdEaLs" without talking about the cost bar some milquetoast "but war bad". And no one, in the game, will ever throw this hypocrisy to their face - Gallant Ferdinand will dream about the Opera as he wipes off the blood of a young woman who just wanted to return to the only home she had.
Yay.
FWIW, some mutuals and I have nothing but pure lols about Doro's line in the non-CF routes being "we killed Ferdie professor :'(" because, hey, why should I care more about Ferdie than about random loldier 55 ? Rhea? Felix? Claude? Ignatz?
Maybe the Elites were really friends and became """"nice""" persons with time, to their families and loved ones ?
Does this magically erase what they did before? Will that "good" they did erase all the "wrongs" they have previously done? Will theyr forever escape the consequences of their actions?
In a game that depicts Flamey as a terrorist for 11 chapters only to drop that plot point by the window to moan, again, about her "IdEaLs", "consequences" are maybe something you can eat as a snack, or throw in a trashcan.
So following the rules of this verse, given how Supreme Leader never receives flak for her Flamey stunts, why should the Elites receive any for what they did? Look, Maurice calls Daphnel his friend, surely he is not that bad of a man? Well yeah, he might have seduced women and planted a lot of wild oats here'n'there, but he cares about his friends!
Jeritza likes ice creams and cats! Surely it's more important to paint him as a cat lover than to deal with all the consequences of his stunt as the Death Knight, kidnapping and implied rekting young woman while he was in GM, under Flamey's orders, right?
Calling it now, after eviscerating Seteth's older brother, Goneril might have melted in front of one of Rhea's kittens, and adopted the cat asap. Surely that makes Goneril a "good" character right? And forget the entire "genocided a bunch of hippies living isolated in their village" stuff?
I don't have fanfics recs where the BEs are called hypocrites, but I confess I don't read a lot of fanfics in the FE16 fandom because of all of the aforementioned issues.
#maelor321#replies#i don't even know if i replied to your ask lol#i disgressed and ranted#fandom woes#FE16 was designed as a game where you'd feel bad for fighting against 'your loved ones' aka precious students#the writing and execution is so artificial that they couldn't even make it believable for a second#so instead we are hit with giant signposts that read 'plz be sad now'#like Doro's we killed Ferdie sad uwus#or even Billy's choice in SS/VW of i don't want to kill Supreme Leader/I want to walk with her uwu#she is revealed to be Flamey she has been warring for 5 long years she caught Rhea#she had so many randoms peons killed#and yet the game has the nerve to give us this?#evening salt#SW!Anakin loves his fiancee so much uwu#sure he murders a bunch of babies and toddlers but don't you want to walk with him to create a galactic empire and kill#people who don't agree with him? including his beloved wife?#people conflate nuance and 'grey' with 'my fave did nothing wrong'
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
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I love setting fantasy around and after WWI. It's such a good combination. WWI was a loss-of-innocence on a societal level. There had been this assumption that technology and progress could solve all our problems and make us better people, and then WWI comes and shows us horribly and violently that it does not, and then in the aftermath we have to deal with what this means for us as a society and as people.
Throwing magic into that is a perfect thematic fit, because magic and technology are basically the same thing--people trying to impose their will upon nature. It can do good things or terrible things, but the issue is not necessarily the technology or the magic itself, but the hearts of the people using it, the cost to bring it about, the drain on resources and the effect on the environment and people. In the aftermath of a major conflict, we have to take a long hard look at ourselves and the choices we've made and will continue to make. Are the benefits worth the cost? What is the true nature of man--can we ever trust ourselves again? Have we progressed to a better stage of humanity or reverted back to beasts? There is just so much to explore there. The WWI connection has been built into the genre ever since Tolkien, and it continues to be relevant to our modern world.
#random thought of the day#adventures in writing#fantasy#wwi#history is awesome#i've been thinking about this since i reread chunks of 'the fairy's daughters' last week#i started writing that not long after 'rilla of ingleside' first sparked my wwi interest#and i didn't know nearly as much about the war back then#i managed to hit upon a core truth that makes the central story pretty compelling#like there are big issues with the story on a logic and character level#but the core thing is that the fae have cut off contact with the human realm after seeing what horrors they were wreaking with technology#but the humans distrust my half-fairy girls because they're afraid of what they can do with magic#the girls fit in nowhere#and neither side realizes they're both making the same mistake#trusting or distrusting a certain method of imposing one's will on the world#and forgetting that it comes down to the choices of the person who has access to the technology or magic#and that theme is strengthened because it's a twelve dancing princesses retelling#so the story pivots around one human man who is trusted with a powerful magical item because he has a good heart#and my explanation here is really bad#but what i'm getting at is that the history weaves together with the fantasy here in really cool ways#because the specific conflict of post-wwi lends itself really well to this magical setting#i've also got my story idea where the spanish flu is replaced with a plague that gives people animal-shapeshifting abilities#so people are literally having to grapple with their beastly natures#which plays out a different aspect of the post wwi conflict#and no matter what form it takes wwi is just a really good setting for fantasy hence the above post#that refuses to put the words in my head into sensible order#i hope maybe a little of this makes sense
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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#yeah man.. had a few hours of back and forth argument with my friend..idk really if i want to call her that now#but it was an eye opening mess.. it all started with her sending me dreadwolf trailer and i said it's all promises talk#and literally it went downhill from there she claimed that it's been announced like a year ago i said it's been in development for years#it then went to a fandom talk and how she thinks people in fandoms are pathetic and etc bullshit#how being a fan of something is not normal#and being invested in fiction and vgs and fandoms is something ppl with little responsibility do..#man i can't even write out all the stuff she said i genuinely felt so bad after this argument#i don't think i ever want to speak to her again#people having fun in her understanding is pathetic childish and a sign of a person not having enough responsibilities in life??#jfc i never realized just how truly toxic she is...#i mean deep down i did i just didn't want to admit to myself.. her general attitude to people being fans of something is just sickening#i'm determined to not write to her at all unless she reaches out which i doubt#she just shitted on everything despite me trying to expain how fiction can even literally save people#i tried expaining to her why some people are telling other ppl to not buy dreadwolf and pirate instead#i said about the fucked over emplyees of bioware and what she said was#it's a cruel world but idgaf it's business cry me a river - something along these lines#she literally has zero empathy i understand it now#the way she only selectively cares about wars going on in world#i said if people can boycott companies that support wars why cant they also support people who suffer from companies#she said and i qoute 'to compare war to people being fired wow that's something'#i was not comparing i just tried to find empathy in her to no avail#anyways.. i am so dissapointed in her and in myself that i didn't see this sooner#tbd
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🖤 + Isabel and Imogen crossover thoughts? 👉👈
attractiveness:
repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.
personality:
grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.
how likely they would have sex with them:
not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.
level of friendship:
never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.
first impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
current impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
#hear me out: i think is the sexiest proposition i’ve ever fucking heard#bear with me because my star war knowledge is limited at best and mostly comes from you and my other beloved moots but#this is a REMARKABLY good match up in i think a lot of ways??#from the way you write bix i think she and iz have a lot in common personality wise so right off the bat i think that’s probably a good#indicator of what imogen might think of her once she grew on her#but imogen especially and her very…cold? indifferent? expressions of love (not in a bad way but you know what i mean) are exactly what iz#needs in a partner. like. she is deeply uncomfortable with blatant outright affection and sappy expressions of love and i think that#imogen’s more…almost slightly casual but deeply devoted version of love would suit her perfectly#iz wants to be loved and she wants to be coveted and imogen most certainly could covet her the way she needs#and i think iz has the charisma and extroversion to balance the relationship out — she’d be brave enough to tease imogen with little fear#she has a good and very dry sense of humor that i think would grow on imogen like a fungus#and she can ask for no pickles without threatening to cut off someone’s hand you know#‘if you do not remove those offensive dills i will end—‘ ‘haha okay honey. what she means is we asked for no pickles.’#you know what i mean?#i’ve been rambling for too long but i also want to say even from solely a friendship perspective — i know friend is not a common term in#imogen’s book but she and iz truly have so much in common#the wealthy childhood#the war crimes (even if iz didn’t intend to commit them)#the heaviness of the past#i think iz would see through the bluster and see imogen for what she is and i think while they may not ever be besties#they would understand each other better than most#thank you cayman this was delicious to think about#foc: imogen kol#c: isabel maretti
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#im gonna be so so forreal--#the star wars fandom was always my all time favourite to write in#the sad part is that during bOTH of my more intense/longer periods on the fandom...#i was tangled up each time with a different 'best friend' that ended up being deeply. deeply fucking toxic and possessive toward me#so for the longest time it's been SO HARD to touch those fandoms ya know???#which is why my focus in the past couple of years has been so heavily fandoms that neither were all that involved in bc???#there's less of these toxic and painful memories#but im sobs bc i MISS these things that made me find such joy and love#idk im rambling but long story short#2024 is hopefully the year i stop avoiding things bc of bad memories and work through it instead with the healthier mindset i have now#tbd
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speech writing going so so so bad
#get me out of here this week has been so so so exhausting for many reasons and it's Not Over i Hate saturdays#tomorrow is going to suck when will redacted return from the war (france)#i feel like pierre bezhukov rn i too wish i were there with death at my heels#(in france)(the war)#i have like 2 days to write this speech but really i have like. right now and sunday et lundi pour la faire#et my brain a arreté functioning suddenly. maybe it has to do with When You Do Things All Day And Dont Rest Your Brain Goes Bad.#je veux seulement écrire mon histoire de la maison hantée#in the words of paul simon: oh lord why have you forsaken me#oh AND i barely got to talk 2 my mommy today.... :(#daffodil lamenting
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It just makes me happy that people love uncharted 😭
#honestly. Honestly. it has been a long time favourite franchise of mine.#like if we’re talking collective games as a whole - I can’t say Final Fantasy is Thee fave — because I haven’t played them all / prefer#some over others so it’s not a fair judgement - but uncharted was the first game I got for the ps3#and at the time noooone of my friends had it / played it. it was all halo and gears of war (I love gow but that is for Another Day)#and juuuust speaking with people online about it -#plotting and writing and just talking about characters that we love 😭😭#like fUck getting to write out scenes that are only ever loosely given to us in the game but then going and Writing it#sobbing that I’m having these opportunities 😭 and idk man I just.#if you have played uncharted and enjoyed it pls come forward#if you haven’t played it. pls do. it’s just such a fun and easy — and enjoyable game to get into!#you like puzzles? action#?? stupid quips that make characters loveable ??#ding ding ding! GO AND PLAY IT#and then download the multiplayer and come wear stupid costumes and shoot people when you’ve had a Bad Day#it’s a good stress reliever uwu
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If I had shapeshifting powers like Odo I'd turn into an orangutan and teach other great apes sign language (but for real) and ignite Intelligent Super Ape Socialism
#i may have planet of the apes on my current sci-fi roster alongside ds9#the new ones that i never watched bc i grew up on the old ones and also didn't care for james franco & his involvement lol#thank caesar he was only in the first (which ho boy has some of the worst dialogue writing ive experienced in a long time)#if they make the CGI any further realistic it will be too much. the newest one was ever so slightly too uncanny imo#they are apes stop trying to give them more humanlike gestures/expressions. ape express self & communicate emotions in ape way not human#also the story was the worst. Rise had bad 2011 dialogue but a good story while Kingdom was v bad story which is way less forgivable#its trying to do too much & thus too many threads go unwoven by the end#like clearly its laying the groundwork for Noa igniting an ape educational revolution that leads to Ape City & its scientists but it should#have been more focused on that/the ape factions. but noo they hired a pretty young actress to get in the way for 2 hours so thats where the#story spent most of its time 🙄🙄🙄#best part of the human storyline was the 5 seconds of dichen lachman at the very end#Dawn and War were sick as hell though. really good movies & the ape mocap CGI goldilocks-ed in a way we'll probably never see again bc ever#every studio is convinced hyper-realism is the ultimate universal goal with sci-fi/fantasy visual effects 🙄#ANYWAY PLANET OF THE APES RANT FOR ANOTHER DAY IF I DONT STOP MYSELF NOW ILL YAP ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT I FUCKIN' LOVE PLANET OF THE APES#if intelligent aliens exist & are aware of earth they dont fuck w humans bc they see how we treat our ape cousins in this essay i will.....
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Damn. One thing going wrong and I'm going full mental breakdown huh.
#probably because of bottling my feelings up#honestly at this point i'm considering giving up but some people were really sweet to me and that's really been helping#and that one anon in my other blog who almost got me to cry just because they said “i love your writing”#shit i am legit tearing up#people are so nice sometimes i just. fucking hell i love when people are caring but i have feelings that are kept in a bottle from before#i was even like. in 3rd grade.#i want to keep reaching out i do#but i feel so insignificant when i do some stupid shit and. people want to talk to me. they care. and they listen.#i feel so. bad for taking up their time. surely they have something better to do than waste their time on me im a failure. i cant do anythi#g. but. they do. and that fucks me up so badly. those people do not know how much i appreciate even a brief chat.#i am starving for humanity and its connections.#i am also struggling#and living in times of war is so fucking hard when no one cares about you. it was so hard to come to terms with that i'm a war child.#a child of war. fathered by a soldier who had seen horrors of it beforehand. and who has not spoken of them despite screaming in the dead#of night. i am. having a full on breakdown huh. apparently. it's just. fucking insane. i really need to talk to someone about this. and hav#a ten hour nap preferably.#looks at crow bubbles miss detective log and hannah and my old old mutuals. i love you all still no matter how brief or insignificant our#interactions were. i love you. you mean the world to me. you made me who i am like an amateur makes a silly clay figure never meant for muc#it is so hard to go on with old memories as bugs in my brain#this.. started as a drawing program error vent and became me pouring my feelings here. same as always ig.#i love you humanity i love you reaching out i love you desire to care and ve cared about i love you yearning i love you helping without a#need to ask i love you human emotions i love you people#it feels like i'm not one myself honestly. humans are so.. so horrifyingly endearing to me i am suffocating with unspoken love#fucking my love is mine all mine and poison and ghosting and oleander fuck you songs you make me emotional too. humans are so humans.
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