the tides of the sea (one-shot)
Warnings: Some mild self-deprecation. SAD, depressed reader. Mention of scars.
GN!reader, soft!Volo, emotional turmoil (you know it), praise from Volo though heh. This is based on that one credits festival screenshot.
Summary: The night after you’d closed the rift, you’d only wanted to be alone. You stray out of the village, where the festival roars your name, to find solace upon the cliffs at Prelude Beach—the place where everything had begun, and everything had ended. You don’t expect anyone else to come looking for you, but he still does.
Perhaps you don’t want to remain alone, if he’s the one who finds you.
If you’d really thought about it, you shouldn’t be here right now.
The Hero of Hisui, out alone, on the night meant for celebration.
Celebration of your deeds in capturing both Dialga and Palkia, sealing the dangerous space-time rift, and allowing Hisui to be safe once more for its people.
But are you one of its people?
Do they consider you not to be a stranger any longer?
For what you’ve done for them?
You stare out at the ocean.
…It’s not like you had had a choice, anyway.
Stay exiled, or close the rift?
Stay exiled, or take responsibility for what hadn’t even been your fault?
You tuck your knees against your chest.
You should be happy that you’ve been allowed to return to the village, and that no one looks at you as if you’re nothing more than a wretched anomaly, threatening their sheltered lives.
You should be happy that people are celebrating what you’d done for them—that you’d risked your life for their safety.
That should make you happy, right?
But still, there is an awful emptiness in your heart.
You think you hear the cheers of the villagers, off in the distance, along with the steady beat of drums. Perhaps Irida and Melli have welcomed a few others to joyfully dance with them on stage.
Though you…
You can’t be happy in this moment.
How could I?
The twilight waves, speckled with starlight, beat against the stones below the cliffs, and wearily, you nudge your chin between your hands.
It’s as if doing all this for the villagers—sealing the rift and restoring magnificent blue skies to them—has exonerated you of a crime you’d never even committed.
That after everything, now you are some savior, worthy of praise, and your wrongs have been forgiven.
How fickle human nature is.
But you’d never done anything wrong in the first place, nothing at all.
You shake your head, and a sudden, scorching heat coils in your stomach.
No, the one wrong thing you’d done was existing here in Hisui. You should’ve never been brought to the past.
Your hands curl into fists upon your knees, and that angry flame flickers upward into your chest, twisting and gnawing at your heart.
How was it my fault? Why me? Arceus, tell me why it had to be me!
The waves tumble and crash against the shore, and it’s such a mundane thing that sets you off—
screaming, pressing your hands to your eyes, and collapsing in on yourself as if you can’t take it any longer.
You can’t.
You can’t go home.
After everything, you can’t go home, and somehow, you’re supposed to feel as if things are normal once again.
You are not one of Hisui’s people.
Nothing will ever be normal for you, as it is for them.
“I can’t…” you sob, tears starting to well at the corners of your eyes.
I can’t.
You don’t even know what you mean anymore, but you don’t want any of it.
You’re alone.
You’re alone now, and you always will be, in a way that no one else could understand.
After all, none of them had come to Hisui as you had. Even Ingo, despite his periodic, inexplicable moments of yearning for somewhere he couldn’t remember as home, had found a place in Hisui. The Pearl Clan needed him; Lady Sneasler had chosen him.
But none of the people had chosen you.
He hadn’t known the same blighted responsibility as you. You’d been their last hope—someone they never would’ve chosen if their desperate circumstances hadn’t forced you into your position.
You wish you could look past it.
Part of you wants to learn to love Hisui as its people do, wants to sincerely enjoy every friendship you’d built so far.
You should give yourself that, shouldn’t you?
To be happy?
But even as you try to, even as you want to, you can’t. Not entirely.
Even if you can hardly remember anything of your past now, from where you’d really come from, you can’t find it in yourself to just… forget it all.
What little there is.
Perhaps you won’t have a choice in that either, however, for all your memories have nearly faded into nothing but a dim haze of longing and lost hope.
Wiping your damp eyes on your sleeves, you peer down at the silky gray fabric. You follow the swirling gold and white patterns, vibrant under the moonlight, and then you pinch at them, as if convincing yourself that they’re real.
Yes, very much so.
Anthe had sewn the ornate haori draped across your shoulders.
“For the Hero of Hisui.”
Your lips quiver. Subconsciously, your hands move to your hair.
Arezu had placed an intricately woven headband, decorated with a myriad of rich dyes and a carefully lacquered pin, upon your head.
“For the Hero of Hisui!”
You stroke a finger against the wooden pin, then fold your arms over your knees again.
But I’m alone, still.
…!
That sudden, uncontrollable heat—that furious, resentful fire—abruptly consumes your thoughts, and then you’re screaming, frustrated, tired, and alone—
“I can’t do this anymore!”
You shout the words out at the sea, half expecting it to mercifully answer you with any wisdom its boundless age may provide, and half expecting it to only splash and break on the rocks, lamentably unable to assuage you.
Neither, it seems, is what you receive.
“What can you no longer do?”
You whirl around faster than you’d thought yourself capable, the haori flitting around you with the sharpness of your movement. Your heart jumps up into your throat. You’d really thought you’d be quite secluded here, and you’re not in the mood to deal with anyone else but—
there’s a familiar figure waiting just a few paces behind you.
Your heart settles into place once more, but its frantic beating doesn’t slow. He always puts you in such a state, causing a stammer to pluck at your words and an occasional heat to fan over your cheeks.
You aren’t sure if you want him to stay, or to go.
“Volo, I…” Splaying a hand across your chest, you turn around fully to face him. “I didn’t expect you.”
You never could expect his capricious arrivals, after all. Volo has an uncanny ability to appear wherever you are, and you’ve never particularly questioned it; it’s become a bit of a routine thing to you. It’s no surprise that you hadn’t heard him either then, not with your fractured state of mind, hardly capable of helping you piece together a coherent response.
“I apologize if I startled you,” he replies quietly, sensing that perhaps you aren’t feeling quite yourself at the moment, “but I had wondered where you had disappeared to.”
“I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”
Volo tenses at your words, but you don’t notice. You’ve turned around again, barely even having taken note of his lack of festival attire—that he’s still wearing his uniform as if he’d just returned from an assignment himself.
“No, no.” Hearing the apology in your voice, he hurries to correct you. “It’s just I hadn’t a moment to speak with you all night.”
He steps toward you, but bites back his true thought: No one else would worry about you like I would.
Somberly amused by the notion, you huff lightly. “You’re right.”
Still, Volo remains where is, and as the truth of his remark painstakingly hits you, you concede that you’d much rather prefer his company now.
At least… at least you won’t be alone, when you should be as happy as the others in the village are.
And Volo—he’s special to you, no matter how much you don’t want to admit that to him.
You make up your mind then.
He should stay.
“You can sit, if you want.”
With a drooping arm, you gesture limply somewhere to your right.
He walks silently—you think he’d at least make a sound this time, but he does not—and gratefully accepting your invitation, he seats himself beside you.
Your eyes haven’t left the ocean, not even when he sits so close to you.
You can feel the heat of his body just against your arm, and somewhere in the back of your befuddled, dejected mind, you entertain the idea of simply falling against him. To revel in his warmth, his comfort.
The cool sea breeze buffets against your cheeks, and you remind yourself that such a thing would be improper for your relationship.
Your friendship, at where it currently stands.
Perhaps Volo is one of the few who truly cares about you. He’d sought you out now, after all.
He must care, right?
Are you so alone, then?
How pathetic, you think, as you nearly permit every insecurity to rise to the churning surface of your sea of anguished thoughts.
“I haven’t spoken with you at all tonight, and then I find you alone here.”
Ah.
There’s a question in his statement, but you’re glad he doesn’t say anything more than that.
Something tugs at your heart, and you want to tell him more. To admit to him you’d wanted to be alone because you are alone in Hisui.
Your Pokémon would stay at your side, but they couldn’t change the way you’d felt alone all this time.
So alone in your experience in Hisui, and why you had ended up here.
Perhaps it’s too self-deprecating to think of it as so, but you don’t know what else to believe anymore. How can you come to terms with people so willing to throw you away, then beg for your assistance, but only for the necessity of your service?
“Maybe it’s foolish that I want to be alone,” you rasp out.
You shrug off the haori over your shoulders, and your hands strip the headband from your hair. Shedding their leaden, overbearing weight, you set them aside on the grass.
You don’t cast them another glance.
You hardly notice that you shiver as the next sea breeze rolls in; it’s the end of summer, but the wind is cold.
And once more, you’re grateful that Volo doesn’t ask a thing of you.
“But at the same time, I don’t want to be alone, either.”
It’s a hoarse whisper that he still manages to hear.
He doesn’t need to ask why you feel so alone. He had been there at your lowest point, when he’d rescued you from the darkness threatening to toss you into the unrelenting abyss of your exile.
And then, he had grown too attached to you for his own good.
How defenseless you are now, how trusting of him that you will admit such a thing to him, how he can’t find it in himself to just let you be…
Volo decides he would regret it if he didn’t take this chance to pull you closer, deeper into his very being.
…Even if he shouldn’t.
You almost yelp when Volo shifts beside you, when he’s suddenly bundling you up in a hug. His arms wind around your own as he deftly pulls you into the space before him, his legs shifting to settle outside yours. He curves around you just so, his chin resting upon the top of your head.
“You’re cold,” he observes plainly, as if that somehow explains everything.
There’s not an inkling of shame or embarrassment in his tone, but you wish that there was. You wish there was, for his heat is nestled against every part of you, and you can smell the faint scent of earthy trees and fragrant flowers on his clothes and feel his breath against your prickling skin.
You’re abashed at how close he is, and yet…
you don’t want him to let go.
Perhaps this is his answer to your confession. That he won’t allow you to be alone, if you’ll have him.
You want to let him stay. You want to have him.
Shivering at the thought, and the fact that he’s so close, you exhale shakily. You know he’d felt it, and you know he can feel your rapidly thumping heartbeat.
You can’t hide it.
“You’re shivering still,” Volo points out with a thoughtful hum.
Clearly not from the cold, though.
As if he understands what you want, however, he gently gathers your hands in his own.
It’s with a start then, do you realize this is the first time you’ve held his hands.
They’re calloused, obviously from the more demanding labor of his work with the guild and his escapades into various ruins. They’re rough in some areas on his palms, but when your fingers tentatively explore the rest of his hands, you’re surprised by how soft they are. How warm, how kind, and how lovely they feel in yours.
“Your hands… They’re soft,” you say absently, a mild note of astonishment echoing in your words.
Then, struck by another thought, you stare down at your own hands, so rugged and bruised and scarred.
Nothing like his.
A smooth chuckle quavers against your back as Volo leans into you, his pleasant warmth healing some exhausted, ravaged remnant of your beaten soul.
He laughs shortly, though not intending to demean you. Right along with his words, you feel his laugh run through your body, soothing you. “Thank you. But I quite like your hands.”
Before you have a chance to even ask what he means, Volo moves to hold your hands completely in his.
“They show how hard you’ve worked.”
Fuck.
You feel those pitiful tears returning again.
Laying his head against yours, Volo continues on, unmistakable tenderness sighing beneath his words, “And I see how hard you’ve worked, even if no one else has. I always will.”
His thumbs brush over yours.
The action is so compassionate, so soft, that you almost want to give up and break down, without a care in the world.
It’s true.
Volo has. It’s why he’d been the only one who’d scoured the land searching for you after you’d been exiled, to offer you a safe haven when no one else could. When no one else would.
But now, sitting in his embrace, feeling so warm and loved in his care, you think you hadn’t even needed that, as long as you could remain with him.
He is your safe haven.
How had you not thought of it before?
“Thank you, for saying that.” Gradually, you relax against him, a wobbling breath easing its way into the night. “I don’t think anyone else here has ever spoken to me like this.”
Volo hums again, this time moving impossibly closer, his cheek nearly touching yours. His blond tresses tickle your skin, and you marvel at the warm feeling that consoles your aching, splintering heart. Is this how you’d felt in your life of the past? Did you have someone else important to you back then?
Strangely enough, you don’t know if you want to remember.
Not when Volo is here now, with you. Not a fleeting figment of what you’d left behind, not a ghost of your past, but a friend at your side, in the present.
A friend.
But is that all he is?
You know the answer already.
You’ve wanted him to be more than that, but whether it’s because you want someone to fill the void of loneliness in your heart or because you really are attracted to him, you can’t readily say.
Perhaps it’s a bit of both, then.
“Then I will.”
You fight against your tears, and if Volo can feel you trembling once more, he says nothing of it.
Instead, he only goes on.
“Your arms as well, so firm and unyielding, to help you overcome every obstacle in your way,” murmurs Volo, his hands leaving yours to idly push your sleeves upward with each of his words.
Your breath stutters.
His fingers trace the scars marking your skin, as they meander up toward your shoulders.
Another shudder, one that you don’t even try to suppress.
Volo nuzzles against your hair, and you welcome his caress; if he will be here for you like this, then you don’t want to push him away.
“Strong, just as your shoulders are”—his fingers press into your shoulders lightly, and you stifle a gasp—“to be able to carry burdens that are not even yours.”
Undeniable veneration rings in his words. You can’t comprehend it for a moment—how he seems to hold you in such high regard, with a staggering amount of unfettered awe for you that is unheard of in Hisui.
“But most of all,” Volo begins, just before sighing, and the noise almost sounds wistful—loving, even.
He hesitates, his hands still upon your shoulders, as though he’s debating speaking honestly or not.
You sit, motionless, despite how quickly your heart is racing.
At last, he gives in, one hand gliding over your left arm, before cautiously angling in, toward you.
Your eyes remain fixed on the ocean. You can’t breathe, you don’t know what you should do at this moment, he’s just so close to you—
His hand presses over your heart, and you freeze.
“But most of all, your heart is what has drawn me to you.”
…What?
The heat of his hand suddenly burns at the frigid loneliness gripping your deprived heart. Something gives, then, as your heart reaches fiercely for that warmth, and finally, a noise escapes you.
A miserable, defeated noise. A whimper, a cry, something you’d never let anyone else hear, and yet, Volo is the first and only one to hear it.
“Your heart, so full of kindness for the people who you don’t even know.” You’re vaguely aware of Volo’s lips upon the back of your neck, a fluttering kiss gently placed just below your hairline. “So stout, so resilient, even after everything that they’ve done to you.”
The tears nearly spill down your cheeks.
Volo, I—I don’t think I deserve you.
“I sometimes wonder if I deserve you,” chuckles the man wrapped around you, as he says your name, the heat against your back and over your chest suddenly so evident to you now.
Did I say that out loud?
Had you been more aware, you would have thought there to be something else in his hushed praise—something else that almost seems like too much, in the way that he’d spoken your name.
Your hand clamps down over his on your heart, but you don’t spare it another thought. He doesn’t do anything to halt you, instead parting his fingers for yours to lace between them.
Then, Volo guides a hand to brace your chin, with a delicate touch meant to direct you only toward him, and nothing else.
“Volo,” you start quietly, with wavering eyes, as you blink up at him, “I think I—”
You stop when you see that there’s nothing but affection in his gray eye, startling in how it matches the intensity with which he’s holding you to him.
Prompting you to continue, he says your name again, as if it’s the sweetest melody one could sing.
But you can’t say what you want to, just yet.
Instead, you only close your eyes and squeeze his hand in yours.
“Please don’t leave me.”
Volo smiles delightfully, lowering his head to rest his forehead against yours. He wants to be true to you, to tell you that he won’t go, but inside, his heart is tearing at him savagely. He cannot.
Then why did you come here? a voice seems to ask him, and he shuts his eyes in a silent reply, hoping you won’t see the conflict on his stricken face.
How can he leave you like this, so shattered and fragile, wearing a look of suffering you’d never shown anyone else before?
You, the unparalleled Hero of Hisui?
A jaded part of him should rejoice at your weakness, the part of him which knows what he must eventually do.
But he cannot do that, either.
You’ve trusted him with your vulnerability. You believe him to be so genuine, his heart in the right place.
Volo loves you. He really does.
And while he cradles you close, could he say that he doesn’t know a thing of your loneliness?
He’s been lonely for his whole life.
Lonely, in his childhood, when the unfair cruelty of the world had made it clear to him that he had no one else to turn to. Lonely, when he had learned he would then be the only one who could change the world to be what he—no, what everyone, even you—would need.
But maybe with you, and you with him, neither of you will be so lonely anymore.
And perhaps that’s why, as you curl into his embrace, with a broken expression, Volo smiles again, whispering so softly that he wonders if he should have even bothered to speak such a beautiful lie at all,
“I won’t leave you. I promise.”
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