#the video essays must’ve been really good

[starsymmetry]

puts them in my pocket

[firecrackerhh]

Glad to see Squid has some standards at least.

Honestly I feel like people like this think having to meet deadlines by itself is worker abuse, I feel like their grades in school must’ve been horrible if so Lmao. (Aw who am I kidding, I can’t fucking judge, I forgot to turn shit in all the fucking time if the spot where you’re supposed to turn your work in wasn’t in view or if the teacher didn’t just collect it themselves. Like my English grades were garbage mainly because I never turned shit in (the turn in box wasn’t in my line of sight and I sucked at formal essays)

But at least I KNOW how the real world works and realize that shit has to get done.

If this bitch really wants to whine about crunch time they should start bitching about video games, now THOSE workers are under duress.

What’s this, the narrative trying to give you hints as to whether or not a scene should be considered good or bad for a character based on context clues? Perish the thought! Just because you disagree how a scene should be portrayed doesn’t make the scene bad. Viv writes this shit in the most obvious way imaginable because it’s clear too many people have the media comprehension of fucking roadkill and these retards still get mad.

“Let the viewers decide!”

Bitch this isn’t Epic rap battles of history you don’t decide Jack shit!

Do you not know what narrative is??? As if saying “yeah your dad fucked up but he still cares about you.” Doesn’t have any nuance at all??? You people are so fucking retarded, and you want to decide what you think the narrative is?

It seems the only fucking time these people think actual nuance exists in Viv’s stories is when they make fanfic about the villain characters they like. But otherwise every character is 100% shit because they think Viv is shit.

…I don’t even know what to say here. At least they like the animation?

Oh for fucks sake…

“Waaaah but portraying disabled people like that will make people treat disabled people badly waaaahhhh!”

Sure, if the people watching said media are fucking retards maybe. These people act like if media never portrayed characters in a certain way discrimination would never exist! Like, do y’all think discrimination against certain people only really started ramping up when the motion picture got discovered?

Like I don’t deny that representation matters but if some dumbfuck sees a bad portrayal of a certain kind of person and they think that portrayal is in any way fucking accurate they clearly shouldn’t be watching television to fucking begin with.

Our whole society is ableist in a variety of ways but suddenly getting rid of shitty portrayals of this or that disability doesn’t actually solve the underlying issues anyway.

Maybe if you give a shit about disabled people so fucking much maybe instead of getting pissy at media portrayals not meant to be taken seriously you instead focus on…oh I dunno, how the united states government only allows disabled people to have up to 2000 in SSI money every month or else they can’t fucking have it anymore because obviously the United States government is ghoulish and wants us all to fucking suffer because God forbid disabled people maybe wanna save up to buy not-important things, cuz clearly disabled people can never have any fucking fun whatsoever.

Or maybe you can talk about how the government makes you jump through hoops to get said money to begin with by making you go through bullshit tests and asking you stupid fucking questions because God forbid someone try to “fake” a disability they don’t have for 2000 fucking dollars, I could start selling crack and I would make more than that in a MONTH.

But sure, this shit is totally worth getting mad at, suuure.

Anyone who legit uses media caricatures as an excuse to be a POS to disabled people was already a POS to begin with, if those didn’t exist, they would find some other fucking excuse. If you wanna get pissy about this shit, whatever, I guess I can’t really blame anyone for being upset, but like…cmon man, there’s so many more important things you can bring awareness to, and a one off joke doesn’t really deserve the seriousness you insist on bringing to every wretched conversation you have about the show.

Like goddamn, maybe all of this is very much a you problem and you should consider other fucking hobbies.

It’s fucking Brandon Rogers for Christ sakes, why are you so pissy, it’s worthy of an eye roll at best.

Everyone wants to act like Viv’s shows are gonna bring us back to early 1900s level of discrimination or something, these people gotta chill, cuz all their whining isn’t helping anyone nor themselves.

🧨🔥~Firecracker out~🧨🔥

[pablolf]

Reichardt: I really appreciate it. It’s funny. I teach production classes. When students are doing narrative work for the first time [and I’m] wanting people to bring some joy or life to their work, to get out of strict narrative, I show parts of Careful. Your work can give them a kind of spirit about not being bogged down by production and to let some life enter their world.

Maddin: Yeah, because I was never technically any good. I just saw what was happening on other sets; I saw people’s technical concerns as obstacles to pleasure. I knew these movies that I was helping out on in the local moviemaking scene were going to be considered underground movies at best, or low-budget pictures that were attempting to be glossy Hollywood things but would fall short. And I just thought, “Well, why not just let some joy show through, or something raw?” I was so glad to hear that you teach [George] Kuchar. There’s a guy who shot out of bed every morning with the intention of making any number of movies or videos, and he must’ve had a pathological compulsion to do so.

Reichardt: Work that’s open like yours requires a kind of innate creativity. It really has to be made up. I always begin thinking that I want to work in a different form. It’s going to be more montage or have an essay element or something, and I always end back in these well-worn footprints, working in genre and stuff. I find the open much more difficult. But when I’m teaching, I’m always presenting it as “Look, this is an opportunity. You can do this.” And only yesterday, when I was having that conversation with one of my students, [she said] “If we want to, we can do it exactly like it’s already been done, right?” And I knew what she meant. I’m like, “Well, that’s an option, too.”

Maddin: Well, because they’re undergrads. They’re at that age where all they want to do is copy in many cases. And copying’s got its place.

Reichardt: Yeah, I kind of encourage it. I’m always having them redo scenes. This semester, one class is remaking The Honeymoon Killers, and the other class is working on scenes from Topsy-Turvy, so they can start to think about where they want to put the camera in filmmaking without having to be writers at the moment.

A Need to Focus: Guy Maddin Interviews Kelly Reichardt About Showing Up

[ask-ricardo-of-the-middle]

//I do run an RP blog but with the dashes it’s the person behind the blog talking. I need to clarify again apparently that I said video essay because that’s what you replied to, somebody telling you to go watch one.

However (and I don’t mean to sound condescending which is really hard when I have to make such an obvious statement) there isn’t just one video essay, not even featuring that specific topic.

However going even a bit into the topic of the Vellmori drama will show that the PMUA atleast had an incredibly bad start. I haven’t followed up on them, which is why I’ve only focused my comments on the past and not on the present, however if they had to rebrand because of the former drama that’s not a good sign. They may have actually reformed but trying to still show the Vellmori drama in the light they tried to present it is plain dumb. Especially after the controversy with them leaking legal documents and revealing Vellmori had left PJM against the artist‘s wishes. Which again is just one of the many bad thing they did during this time.

And I would genuinely like to apologize for sounding condescending with how I referred to you because I didn’t know your gender and it must’ve been said in a way that made you feel condescended. That wasn’t my intention the phrasing simply should’ve been better on my end

I feel a tad unsure about my phrasing’s now so please do let me know if I said something badly in this response as I has a slight issue with that

And yes it’s a character from limbus company

You live like this?

[thisreadswhatever]

Just Like The Movies

part two - read part one here

[description]: steve x fem!reader, robin x reader/eddie x reader (small amount). contains smut, mainly boyfriend/slightly jealous steve, teasing & foreplay

[summary]: in the whirlwind of your night with Steve, you’d forgot you’d left someone waiting.

[wordcount]: 3.1k+

[cw]: 18+, smut, little fluff, swearing, fingering, oral (m receiving), some pet names mainly just ‘baby’, doesn’t follow the exact timeline of the show

[an]: this was actually fun to write considering i’ve never wrote smut before. my first time ever so please be nice! i’m not done with this story just yet so there will be a part three, possibly part four (maybe). i didn’t check throughly so could be some grammar mistakes. hope u enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it !

You’d been waiting all day. The hours seemed to drag forever, which was strange compared to fact your day usually went by too quick when you had an afternoon shift at Family Video. In fact, you couldn’t remember a time when you were actually excited to go to work. You’d cleaned your whole house twice, finished a weeks worth of laundry you’d been putting off and even submitted your final essay for your last college class of the year. Yet every time you looked at the clock, it felt like mere minutes had passed.

You tried to keep yourself distracted so the time would go quicker, but your mind was constantly running with memories of what happened the night before. It was like nothing you’d ever experienced. Steve made you feel things you never thought you’d feel. Turns out it was just like the movies. Those cheesy movies you and Steve used to watch where the guy gets the girl. The romantic, ultimate end scene with the magic make out session. Steve had essentially confessed his love for you, and then, well. He showed you he loved you. It was almost too good to be true. King Steve. You giggled to yourself, remembering how he felt, touching you in ways you’d only dreamed of. Now you sat at your kitchen table eating mac n cheese, remembering every detail back to yourself and you were sure it must’ve been a dream. You’d heard he was good, all those rumours from girls who had lined up to date Steve Harrington. Yet none of it had ever really occurred to you until now. He actually was good.

———

With the sound of the car doors locking, Steve had a longing you’d never felt from him before. And just as much as he wanted you, you wanted him back. You’d turned from the car door and looked him right in his eyes, burning with need growing inside you. “I want you more.” You’d finally told him. “Do you trust me?” He held your head in his hands again, searching your eyes for any doubt. “I’m still your best friend Steve. Of course I trust you.” He smiled and in sweeping move, he shuffled himself into the back of the car, pulling you quickly after him. “Steve!” he laughed as you squeezed your way over the middle console between the two front seats. “You’ve obviously had some practice at that.” He chuckled, “I was preparing myself for this, I just didn’t know it yet.” You punched his shoulder playfully and scoffed at him, “I’m sure that’s what it was. Preparation.” He winked at you, “All for you, baby.”

And just like that you were both sitting across from each other. Breathing in the hot tension that engulfed the back seat of Steve’s BMW. You had buried the need for Steve inside you for so many years, but now, you could admit that you would do anything for this man. “You’re sure this, or that I’m, what you want?”

He leaned forward, placing his forehead on yours and his eyes closed, breathing you in. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” And he brought his lips to yours.

It was like you’d never been kissed before. He was holding your face, and you could feel the urgency with his every movement. Your hands rested on his chest, as his brushed your cheeks and flowed into your hair. This couldn’t be real, it was too perfect. Suddenly you felt so light, like you were swimming in sheer bliss, elevated in his warmth. He explored every part of your mouth, brushing his tongue against yours softly, becoming more intense with every second. “I’ve always wondered what you tasted like. Even better than I’d imagined.” You groaned as your mouth moved with his, letting him lead.

“So now…. you’re mine…. right?” He whispered to you as he pulled away from your lips to your neck, burying kisses inbetween every word. The sound of his voice, so dark and determined, sent you over the edge. Slight moans left your throat as you felt the touch of his lips to your skin. “I’m yours.”

You wrapped your fingers in his hair, desperate to find something to relieve the pressure you could feel building inside you. He kissed your cheeks, “these are mine.” And moved his kisses to your eyelids making you giggle “Mine.” He moved back down your face, softly nibbling your lower lip. “These lips are all mine.” He continued to claim every part of you while his hands smoothed their way down your chest and stomach over your clothes, finding his way to the waistband of your skirt. “So perfect.” He was unraveling you with every word. He continued to lower his hands, and now his mouth followed, planting sweet warm kisses on your skin, drawing invisible lines from your jawline to your neck. “This neck, it’s mine?” You didn’t think you’d get the words out. “Yours.” You could feel his smile against the nape of your neck. He traced over your knee highs with his fingers, moving up towards the gap between the end of the sock and the hem of your skirt, gripping the bare skin of your thighs. “these thighs?” You could hear the dark groans surrounding his words. “just yours” you whined as his fingers kneaded into the flesh. He brought his hands under your skirt, feeling the wet cotton of your panties beneath it. You whimpered at the feeling of his fingertips caressing you, circling the soaking fabric. “This pussy?.” He spoke with such certainty, and it was so fucking hot. “Mhmm” was all you could get out between the soft moans. “Mhmm what?” he teased wanting you to say it “it’s yours Steve, everything is yours.” He gently tugged at the cotton, relieving you of the heat you felt mounting. He was whispering to you now, while leaving soft kisses along your earlobe. “Should I feel this pussy, my pussy, y/n?” Holy fuck. “Please Steve. I need to feel you.” You’d never needed anything more.

He released his grip of you and you could’ve cried out for him if you weren’t biting your lips to suppress it. He put his hands on your shoulders, turning your body so you faced away from him. He had sprawled his right leg across the backseats, and his left hanging off the side into the footwell.  “Lay back for me, baby.” You did exactly as he said, following his every instruction. With you lay back like this, your head settled perfectly inside the crevice of his shoulder. You could feel him hard beneath your back, turning you on even more. You desperately wanted to feel his cock fill you in every way.

He wrapped his arms around you, undoing the buttons of your shirt, revealing your breasts. He let his hands trace the outline of your body laying against him, moving his hands lower until he was gripping your thighs again. “God I’ve waited so long to feel these thighs. Always walking around in these knee high socks. You don’t even know what you do to me.” You whimpered at his words, his grasp getting tighter and more ferocious. He felt so fierce against your skin but so soft at the same time, like his hands were created for your body. You lifted your head so you could lay soft kisses along his neck, moaning his name into his ear as he felt you. “Steve..this is.. fuck.” He smiled and turned his head towards your face and kissed you back. “You are so perfect, y/n”. He pulled your cotton panties down around your thighs, and teased the skin surrounding your pussy. “Tell me what you want.” He was going to make you beg for it. “Touch me, please, right there Steve.” Your voice was breaking between gasps of pleasure, trying to form coherent sentences, and Steve was melting at the sound of your struggling. He trailed his fingers over your wetness, feeling you raising your hips against him, aching to feel his fingers inside you. “I will never get enough of this.” He was in awe of every part of you.

Suddenly you could feel his fingers inside you, stretching you out. You whimpered at the relief and felt the weight of your back lay into him. You couldn’t contain the moans escaping your lips as they caressed his neck. He was slowly exploring every inch of you with his fingers, discovering your favourite spots with every twitch and pull of your hips as your body responded to him. “So wet for me, baby. All mine.” His words had you spiralling, you could feel small pools of fires burning inside you. You forced your hips further into his hands, grinding into him, and you could feel the fires merging with his hands. “You sound so pretty, y/n. I want to feel you cum for me.” Fuck fuck fuck. You collapsed around his words and he could feel you squeezing his fingers as you climaxed around him. “God damn you feel so nice.” As you came down from your high, he released his fingers from you, bringing them up to his mouth. He slowly licked his fingertips, tasting every piece of you. You lifted your neck up to kiss him, tasting your warmth on his tongue.

You could feel he was so hard beneath you, you turned to face him on your knees and leaned over to kiss him again. “Now, Is it *my* turn to make *you* mine?” you smiled through your kiss as you reached for his belt buckle. “I’m already yours.” Leaning backwards he was watching you undo his belt, releasing him from his jeans. You had heard the rumours but you did not expect them to actually be true. You moved your hand along his cock, rubbing in the precum already dripping from his tip. Your hair was messy around your face, lips raw from kissing him. You already looked fucked drunk. “Look at you like this.” He raised his hand to your face and filled your mouth with two fingers, “so fucking pretty.” You lowered yourself down to him, kissing the tip of his cock before taking him entirely in your mouth. He groaned in response, feeling your hands working in tandem with your tongue, “So good y/n, so fucking pretty with my cock in your mouth.” You would never get tired of Steve’s praises. He leaned his head back against the window, pushing your mouth deeper, filling you with more of him. You weren’t even sure how you could fit anymore of Steve in your mouth, but you wanted every bit. You could feel him pulsating under you, fuelling his collapse with every movement. “You’re so fucking amazing y/n. Going to fill your pretty little mouth with my cum?” You moaned at the sound of his enjoyment as his hand clasped the back of your head and his half thrusts got sloppy as he came, “Fuck, y/n”, and you could feel his warm liquid trickle down your throat.

———

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you and Steve hadn’t moved much if at all. You both laid there in the back of his BMW, warm and sticky under the euphoria you shared with one another. He traced along your back, tickling you in all the right places, whispering soft praises in your ears. You could lay there like that with him forever. Suddenly you heard a loud bang hit the roof of Steve’s car that rudely interrupted you from your bliss. “What the fuck was that?” You we’re kind of freaked out, and Steve was too though he wouldn’t admit it. “Shhh. Stay still.” Steve reached in his trunk over the backseat headrest and pulled out a bat. “Why the fuck do you have a bat?” He held it upright, and lowered the window using lever next to him. “Long story.” He pulled his body outside the window so his head was parallel with the top of the car. You could hear him quietly laughing. “It’s fine. It’s a cat.” You giggled as he pulled back into the car. “Mr Knowles really needs to start closing his cat flap. Now put that bat away before you turn me on again.” Steve smirked, “Bats are hot? Okay, I gotta remember that for next time.” You laughed with him as he kissed you on the forehead before tossing the bat behind him. “You are an idiot Steve Harrington.”

“Your idiot, y/n/l/n.”

He then slid back into the front seat of the car. “Cmon, time for you to get to bed and me to get home, we both have work tomorrow don’t forget.” You groaned. “The joys of Family Video.”

———

The beep of a horn disrupted your daydream of last night, and you jumped out of your seat. Butterflies filled your stomach as you rushed to grab your bag and head for the door, shoes already in place from where you’d put them on in anticipation 20 minutes prior. Steve was outside of his car waiting, holding the passenger side door open for you. “Wow Harrington, does every girl that lets you finger fuck them in the back of your BMW get this kind of treatment?” He rolled his eyes, laughing and shutting the door behind you. “You might wanna be careful or the neighbours will hear you again.” You gasped in shock and punched his arm, “They never heard me!” He chuckled in amusement and roughed his hair through his fingers, turning the car engine on. “I’m pretty sure Mr Knowles cat did.”

———

The drive to work was a stark contrast to the drive home the night before. You and Steve were obsessed with each other, you kissing his neck, hands in his hair, his hand on your thigh and on on the steering wheel. “I could seriously get used to this, but if you kiss my neck anymore I will have to pull over and take you here and now.” You melted at his words, revelling in the sound of Steve’s need for you. Robin was already there when the car entered the parking lot. She had been covering Steve’s morning shift. He’d called her once he got home, begging her to cover for him so he could sleep in after a date. Really, Steve just wanted an excuse to get you in his car again, and he knew doing the afternoon shift with you would be a great excuse.

One look at you both as you walked in through the doors of Family Video and Robin knew. You both walked towards the front counter, flirty and wrapped up in your own world you’d created not even 24 hours before. “No way.” She gasped. “What?” Steve asked, putting on his green vest. “Your date was with y/n? You both banged?!” Your cheeks flushed red. “Hi to you too Rob. And technically, we didn’t bang-“, you trailed off as you were walking to the back where your locker was. You blew Steve a kiss from behind Robin’s back before heading into the back room. He grinned from ear to ear watching you. Robin glared at Steve. She knew she would get it out of him. “Okay, spill. Right now lover boy.” Steve shrugged, playing cool. “I just did what you said Buckley. I told her how I felt.” Robin was giddy. She’d always wanted you both to be a thing, especially after what happened when you confessed your love to Steve and got rejected. She always reminded him how stupid he was for doing that. “And then what? You went to her house and got it on?” Steve was smug, leaning over the front counter, trying not to involve all of the store in last nights events. “Actually, we didn’t even make it out of the driveway.” He was overtly proud of himself. Robin squealed, loving every juicy detail. “So I guess the King Steve really does live up to his name eh? Maybe you don’t suck after all!” Steve shrugged her off laughing, walking round to the back counter. “I think this time it’s different with her. This isn’t some random girl. It’s y/n. I can’t fuck this up again.” She could tell he was being sincere too. “Well you better not fuck it up otherwise I’ll have to kick your ass. Especially after you ruined her date with Eddie Munson, who knows what could’ve happened if she’d-“ Her voice turned into a whisper, “well this is gonna be awkward.” Suddenly the sound of the bell was ringing throughout the store. Steve turned to see what Robin was talking about, and in walked Eddie Munson. “Seriously?” Steve groaned.

He smiled at them as he casually strolled in, wearing his usual Hellfire Club shirt and high tops. “Harrington, Buckley.” He didn’t even look at them at first, instead he scanned the room, looking for you. Robin politely grinned back and Steve just glared at him like he was ready to launch over the counter at his throat. “Either of you seen y/n? We had a thing last night and she never showed. Haven’t heard from her since.” Robin looked at Eddie wide eyed, shaking her head with speed. Steve shrugged and spoke for them both, “Nope haven’t seen her.” Robin gawked at Steve, having absolutely no clue where he was going with this. “I think she’s got the stomach flu or something, real bad hot dog last-.” Steve elbowed Robin in the ribs. “Ouch!” Eddie narrowed his eyes at them. “Look, I’m not the type to worry, but you know how it can be around Hawkins when someone goes missing.” Robin nodded her head as she tried not to drown in this entire awkward exchange. “I’m just gonna go finish stocking, um, movies”. Steve was dumbfounded as he watched her practically running to the back to hide behind the curtains of the adult movie section. He would rip into her later for bailing on him. “You sure you haven’t seen her around, Harrington?” Eddie was pretty sure Steve was lying. Just as Steve opened his mouth to respond, you walked out of the break room, staring down at the clipboard in your hands while you called out to him. “Hey Steve did you want to change the theatrical posters for this week with me lat-“, you stopped in your tracks as you looked up from the clipboard to see Eddie Munson, standing there at the front desk with Steve. Both of them staring right at you. Fuck.

“Glad you’re alive.” Disappointment clouded his tone. “Hey Eddie. I’m-“ He cut you off as he was walking towards you, trying to avoid Steve’s hearing range. “Can I talk to you, outside?”

———

find my masterlist here

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[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

 1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson 

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.  

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.  

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart. 

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping. 

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure. 

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

 2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

 Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened. 

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything. 

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations. 

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera. 

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet. 

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community. 

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected. 

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader. 

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr. 

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved. 

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too. 

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure. 

 It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans. 

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people. 

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno. 

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality. 

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation. 

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth. 

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over. 

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men. 

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

[softspideys]

Average (Frat!Tom Holland x reader)

summary: tom holland is the handsome, popular, and charismatic king of your campus. so why has he taken an interest in you?

warnings: none

word count: 3,000

pairings: frat!tom holland x reader

a/n: I personally prefer respectful frat boy tom to jerky frat boy tom. inspired by this glorious photo. I hope you you like it:) 

When Tom Holland first spoke to you, your immediate instinct was to assume it was a joke.

You’d just arrived at the party his frat was throwing and immediately made a beeline for the kitchen. You were never totally comfortable in situations like these, but after a couple drinks you tended to be more social and easygoing.

“Hey,” a voice said as you finished pouring yourself some of the suspicious-looking Jungle Juice. You turned around and almost did a double-take.

You knew who Tom was; his roommate Harrison was friends with your roommate Jess, but you’d never spoken to him. He was popular, but there were no rumors about him being a player or an asshole or a creep like there were with some of his frat brothers.

Now he was smiling at you, looking casual in jeans and a black t-shirt, a baseball cap pulled over his curly hair. “Hey,” you answered, once you were positive he was talking to you. There was no one else around you, but still.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Um, no thanks,” you said, gesturing to the cup in your hand. “I’m good.” You figured he was just being polite, but then he continued to speak to you.

“You’re Jess’s roommate, right?” he asked.

You nodded, a little surprised. You honestly didn’t even think he was aware you existed. But then it hit you—he must be looking for her and probably recognized you from one of her Instagram photos or something. “Yeah. I don’t know where she is, though. I just got here.”

“Cool,” he said. “I’ve only met her a couple times—she’s friends with my roommate Harrison—but she talked about you a lot. I’m Tom.” He held out his hand.

Slowly, you shook it. “Y/N.” This was weird. If he wasn’t being polite and he wasn’t looking for someone else, then why was he talking to you? You had to get out of there. “Um, I have to go now. It was nice meeting you.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “See you around, maybe.” You smiled a little instead of answering before practically fleeing the kitchen and joining the party. The rest of the night passed uneventfully and you didn’t see Tom again.

You thought about him briefly afterwards, but decided not to dwell on it. Maybe he was just bored. Maybe he saw you by yourself and took pity on you.

A few days later, Jess ambushed you while you were doing homework in the library. “You talked to Tom Holland at the party on Saturday?” she whispered excitedly.

“Yeah, for like a minute. It was before I found you. Why?”

“Harrison told me he was asking about you. Want me to pass along your number?”

“No!” you said quickly, feeling your face get warm. “Wait. What do you mean, he was asking about me? Asking what?”

“You know, just like . . . what your deal is, and whatever.” She shrugged. “He probably wants to hang out with you.”

“Me? Why?” The thought made your heartbeat quicken.

Jess rolled her eyes. “Oh my God. Why wouldn’t he? You’re a total catch. I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”

The conversation was making you more and more uncomfortable. Tom was good-looking and popular and probably had tons of people lining up just to “hang out” with him. What was so special about you?

Despite your doubts, you found yourself giving in. “Okay,” you said finally. “I guess you can give him my number.”

Jess smiled, her eyes sparkling. “Awesome. I’ll tell Harrison.” She leaned closer, suddenly serious. “And look, I wouldn’t push this if I didn’t think it was a good idea, okay? You know I got your back. Tom is really nice.”

She had a point. “I know,” you said grudgingly. “We’ll see if he even texts me.”

~ ~ ~  

Tom texted you the day after Jess passed your number on.

hey it’s tom, we met at the party on saturday :) i got your number from jess. i was wondering if you wanna hang out sometime?

You spent almost an hour reading it over and over, trying to figure out if there was any hidden meaning in the short message. Finally you wrote back: sure.

You expected him to invite you to another frat party or something similar, but instead he asked if you wanted to grab coffee and do homework. Midterms were coming up, after all.

So you met him at a cafe on campus on a chilly Thursday afternoon. He was there when you arrived, sitting at a table in the back. He looked cozy, all bundled up in a hoodie and sweats. You bought yourself a hot chocolate and sat across from him. “Um, hi.”

“Hi.” He smiled at you. “How’s it going?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Pretty good.”

You looked around. He’d picked a two-person table, but that didn’t mean someone else couldn’t pull up a chair. “Is it just going to be us?”

His smile faded a little. “Uh, yeah. Is that okay? I thought—I mean, you can see if Jess is around or something, but—”

“No, no,” you interrupted, wanting to kick yourself. “No, this is fine. I was just asking. I don’t mind.”

“Oh, okay.” He relaxed. “I’m glad you came. I didn’t think you would.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “You just didn’t seem very, uh . . . excited.”

You cringed inwardly, clearing your throat. “Oh, sorry. I’m not very good at texting. Ask Jess.” You smiled a little at the thought of your best friend. “She’s always mad at me because I take hours to respond and then it usually just ends up being one word.”

Tom laughed. “Oh man, my brother Sam is the same way. I have to send a message to him in all caps that says SOS EMERGENCY PLEASE ANSWER NOW if I want him to answer within the hour.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah, three actually. There’s me, then the twins Sam and Harry, and then my youngest brother Paddy.”

“Wow,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Your house must’ve been pretty crazy growing up.”

“You could say that.”

Before you got to the cafe, you told yourself that you only had to stay for an hour. One hour, and then you could make up some excuse as to why you had to leave. But as time went on, you realized you were actually enjoying yourself. The conversation flowed naturally, and Tom was a good listener. He didn’t seem to mind when you eventually lapsed into silence to get some studying down, and the two of you worked quietly for a while. He even offered to refill your drink when he went to get another for himself.

“Got any plans for dinner?” he asked finally, breaking the comfortable silence you’d grown used to. You looked out the window and saw it was getting dark out.

At first you thought maybe he was going to ask if you wanted to get something to eat with him. But as quick as the idea occurred, you shot it down. That was silly; he’d already been here with you for a few hours now. Maybe he was meeting other people after this and wanted you to take a hint.

So you lied, “Yeah, I’m meeting Jess at a dining hall. I should probably get going, actually.”

“Oh, right,” he said, glancing down at his homework. “Uh, same here.” You both quickly packed up your stuff and left the cafe, pausing before you officially went your separate ways.

“That was fun,” Tom said. He hesitated, and you braced yourself to hear some excuse as to why he would never talk to you again.

You certainly weren’t expecting him to ask shyly, “Would you want to hang out again?” You blinked, certain you hadn’t heard him right. But he just looked at you, waiting for your response, and after a pause you nodded.

“Yeah. I would like that.”

Tom’s answering smile was practically blinding. You couldn’t help but return it. “Awesome,” he said. “Um, I’ll text you?”

“Okay,” you said. “See you later.” He smiled at you for a second longer before he turned and walked away, a happy sort of bounce in his step.

You couldn’t help it; you walked home with a dumb grin on your face.

~ ~ ~

True to his word, Tom texted you a few days later to ask if you wanted to hang out again. This time you accepted readily.

At first, the two of you just got together to have coffee and do homework. Then he somehow managed to figure out part of your schedule and would meet you on your way to class. Even if he had a lecture on the other side of campus, he insisted on walking you all the way to yours.

He started texting you more, sometimes sending you funny videos or memes, but also sharing random thoughts and asking questions. Now you checked your phone frequently, trying to get in the habit of responding quickly or initiating conversation with him first. You followed each other on social media and you noticed he’d liked all of your Instagram photos. Just to be funny, you liked a couple of his too, but then wondered if he would find it weird.

“We’re friends,” you told Jess when she noticed you smiling at your phone. “That’s it.”

“Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England. Are you kidding me?”

“I’m serious,” you said, because you knew what she was insinuating and there was just no way Tom Holland would be into you like that. Sometimes you saw him around campus, always surrounded by a laughing group of friends and admirers. He was like the sun, and you knew you were lucky to even be in his orbit.

“We’re having a party on Friday night,” Tom said to you one afternoon. The weather was nice, so you’d claimed a sunny spot out on the quad to do some homework.

“Cool.” You were more focused on the essay you were writing than the conversation.

“Are you gonna go?” he pressed.

“I don’t know. Maybe if Jess goes I’ll come too.”

“Well . . .” He trailed off, and you looked up to see he was fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves. “What if we went together?”

You stared at him. Of all the things you were expecting him to say, it certainly was not that. “Like . . . me and you? Like . . .  as your date?”

Tom was blushing now, steadily avoiding your eyes. “Um. Yes?”

Alarm bells were going off in your brain. If Jess were here she’d be throwing a parade, but you knew there had to be a catch. Out of all the people on campus, why was he asking you?

You opened your mouth to say no, but then he finally glanced up at you. His expression was so earnest and hopeful that you found yourself saying, “Sure.”

“Really? You want to?” he said, like he couldn’t believe it.

You nodded. “Yeah, it sounds fun.”

There was that goofy grin again, lighting up his entire face. “Okay,” he said. “Cool.”

You knew you should be excited, but there was a nervous pit in your stomach that just wouldn’t go away. It was still there when you arrived at Tom’s frat house that Friday. You didn’t recognize the brother at the door on security duty, but he took one look and waved you inside, no questions asked.

You were a little confused; you came by yourself last time too and had to say you knew Harrison. But the brother merely said, “Tom put you on the list.”

The boy in question was in the kitchen, talking to a few of his brothers. He noticed you walk in immediately and his eyes lit up. “Hey! You’re here!” To your surprise he gave you a hug, and you tried not to focus on how good his cologne smelled.

“You look nice,” he said when he pulled away. In an attempt to feel more confident, you’d worn your favorite pair of jeans and a cute top, even allowing Jess to do some hair and makeup magic on you.

“Thank you,” you said. “Um, so do you.” He was just in jeans and a purple flannel, a black baseball cap twisted backwards on his head, but he still managed to make it look effortlessly cool.

“Thanks.” He paused. “I’m, uh, really glad you came.”  

“Me too,” you said quietly. He smiled at you and the knot in your stomach tightened.

Tom barely left your side the entire night. He introduced you to some of his fraternity brothers, whose names you forgot as soon as they said them. A few of them had brought dates too, and while they were all friendly and welcoming, you couldn’t help but feel frumpy and plain standing next to them.

It didn’t help that there were some not-so-friendly girls coming over too. They gave Tom hugs and kisses on the cheek before eyeing you critically. You could practically see the invisible thought bubble forming over their heads each time they looked at you: why is he here with you? You wanted to tell them that you were wondering the same thing.

The longer you thought about it, the worse you felt. It just didn’t make sense. Tom had practically half the campus falling at his feet; why wasn’t he with someone more talented, better looking, charismatic? Why had he picked you? You were so . . . average.

Maybe it was some kind of prank, some kind of fucked-up tradition in his fraternity: find a shy girl, get her to fall in love with you, and then break her heart. That had to be it. There was no other explanation.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked, tearing you from your thoughts. You realized you hadn’t spoken in several minutes, just staring off into space.

You swallowed. “Could we, um, go somewhere quiet? Please?”

He studied your face for a second before he nodded. “Of course.” He put one hand on your back, gently guiding you out of the crowded room and up the stairs. You followed him down the hallway until he stopped at a door with a sign that said TOM & HARRISON.

Oh. This was his room. 

He ushered you in and you noticed he left the door slightly ajar, so you could easily leave if you wanted to. Still, you immediately took a seat at his desk, not wanting to even go near the bed. Tom didn’t seem to mind, falling onto it with a loud thud and a content sigh. Neither of you spoke for a minute. Finally you glanced over at him and saw he was already watching you, a tiny smile on his face.

You couldn’t take it any longer. “Is this, like, a prank or something?”

“What?”

“This. Like,” you gestured vaguely between the two of you, “all of this. Is it a joke?”

Tom’s smile vanished. He scrambled to sit up, scooting towards the edge of the bed. “What are you talking about? Why would you even think that?”

You shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “I don’t know. I’ve just been trying to figure out why someone like you would be doing all of this with someone like me.”

He looked lost. “Doing what?”

“You know . . . hanging out with me, texting me, inviting me here . . .”

He stared at you for a second before he let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “I mean . . . I like you. I thought that was obvious.”

“But why?” You were frustrated to find you were near tears. “You could have your pick of anyone on this campus. There are so many girls in this house alone right now who are prettier and funnier and more interesting than me. So why . . . why me?”

Tom slowly stood up and came over to where you were sitting, kneeling in front of you. “Because I think you’re pretty and funny and interesting,” he said, looking at you unflinchingly. “None of those other people matter to me. I don’t know why you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re, like . . . not good enough or whatever, but it’s not true.”

You bit your lip as he took your hand. “I’m just . . . not used to this. Usually people tend not to notice me.” 

“I did,” he said simply. “And I really, really like you.”

“I really like you too,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Tom said gently. “Just trust me, okay? I would never hurt you like that.”

He was being honest. He always had been, but you believed him now. You took a deep breath. “Can I kiss you?”

Tom blinked in surprise before he nodded. You leaned in and kissed him softly; his lips were a little chapped and tasted sweet and sort of fruity, like the juice from his drink. His hands came up to carefully cup your jaw, holding you in place. It made your head dizzy and your knees weak; it was perfect.

It was like a dam broke. Suddenly you couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t figure out what to do with the happy, fizzy feeling in your stomach. You pulled back a little, pressing kisses to his cheeks and his nose. Tom giggled like the touch made him ticklish and you thought to yourself, You were so silly to deny yourself for so long, to think you didn’t deserve this.

You knew better now. You knew you did.

[moonlit-jeno]

snapshot | l.jn

pairing: lee jeno x reader

genre/ warnings: smut, thigh riding, hand jobs, masturbation

words: 2.6k

Jeno is going to pass out.

It’s not because of the lack of sleep he had gotten, the fact that he’s about to miss the deadline for his essay, or because he’s been eating like shit the whole week. It’s not even because of the disgustingly graphic horror movie Renjun had made him watch. It’s because you, his very attractive roommate, have sent him a picture.

Nothing like the normally cute selfies you normally send him, or the ones taken from an awful angle to get a laugh out of him. This one’s sexy. Blue lace just barely covers your breasts, your necklace fitting perfectly in your cleavage. Your lips are parted slightly but they’re swollen, as if you’ve been biting them.

The sheer speed with which all the blood in his body rushes to his cock is fast enough to make him lightheaded almost immediately, and he stares at the picture long enough that it’s permanently ingrained behind his eyelids. Which is a problem. A big, big problem.

He realizes just how big of a problem it is when he gets a hand around his cock, guilt swimming in his stomach as he realizes that he’s about to jerk off to his roommate. His wonderful, lovely roommate who he is friends with. Did he have a mild crush on you? Yes. But your relationship is nothing but strictly platonic. And yet...

Even when he puts his phone away, he can’t stop thinking about that picture. You must’ve sent it to him on accident. Why else would he get that picture?

His phone dings and he opens it, hoping it’s Jaemin asking him to play video games. Lord knows he needs the distraction.

It’s not.

It’s you again. The attachment is a video this time, and holy fuck. The video starts with a shot of your legs, a pair of matching blue panties that just barely cover your pussy. There’s a soft moan, and Jeno’s ears strain to pick up on it.

“I’m so wet for you.” You sigh, letting your fingers slip under the fabric. A gasp leaves you at the feeling and Jeno wishes that he could see what you’re doing, but the fabric blocks his view and he wishes that he could rip it off of you. “God, I wish you were here with me. You’d fuck me so well.”

You move your fingers up to the camera and fuck, you really weren’t lying when you said you were wet. The digits are glistening and Jeno audibly moans. He fucking ascends when you pop the digits in your mouth, moaning around them obscenely. The video ends and yet Jeno is too overwhelmed you process anything, just sits there with his phone in his hand and his eyes glued blankly to his wall.

He can’t stop the images from playing in his mind, but he manages to pull it together enough to come up with a response.

Jeno [11:53pm]

did you mean to send this to me?????

Roomie [11:54pm]

huh

OH HOLY FUCK

NO

IM SO SORRY PLEASE DELETE THOSE

HOLY SHIT

Jeno [11:54pm]

haha it’s okay

i deleted them no worries

Roomie [11:54pm]

im so embarrassed right now

Jeno [11:55pm]

dont be

it happens to the best of us

can i come talk to you or do you need a minute to finish up

Roomie [11:56pm]

asjdhjsksj DID YOU HAVE TO PHRASE IT LIKE THAT

anyways yeah give me a min

Jeno wills his boner to go down and takes a few deep breaths, eventually standing from his chair and making his way down the hall. He bounces on his toes and checks the time. It’s been 3 minutes. Surely you’re ready now?

“Come in!” You yell when he knocks and he timidly lets himself in, shutting the door softly behind him. He can’t help but notice how adorable you look right now, wrapped so tightly in blankets that your face barely peaks out. Jeno notices the hoodie you’re swimming in is his, and it fills him with a strange sense of... something. Pride? Happiness?

“Hey.” He starts, standing awkwardly at the foot of your bed.

You take a moment before repeating the greeting. Neither of you know what to say and a horrible silence fills the room. Your laughter breaks it.

“This is so awkward, holy shit.” You giggle, breaking out of your cocoon a little bit. “I can’t even remember a time where it’s been this bad.”

“It was literally less awkward when we first met and that’s saying something.” Jeno snorts, taking a seat on the edge of the bed when you pat it.

The two of you laugh until it peters out into another silence. You clear your throat. “Uh. So about the, uh, pictures. I’m really sorry, I definitely didn’t mean to send them to you.”

Jeno laughs again, hoping that it doesn’t sound too strained. “Yeah, I kinda figured. It’s no big deal though, I already deleted them.”

“It’s not like I would send you nudes anyways, that’s stupid. I’d show you in person.” Jeno’s eyebrows nearly shoot off of his face with how high he raises them, a confused “huh?” leaving him. You laugh. “Y’know, because you’re right next door. Are you okay?”

He somewhat recovers. “Oh! Yeah, yeah, for sure. Face to face contact and all that.” His heart is still beating much too fast, his knee bouncing as he thinks about you showing up at his door in nothing but skimpy lingerie, a pout on your lips as you whisper that you’re so wet and that you need him to do something.

“Mhmm, exactly. Anyways, can we agree to forget about this?” You ask, and Jeno definitely won’t be forgetting about this anytime soon, but he nods anyways and murmurs an “of course”. You beam. “Cool! Are you gonna go to sleep? Because I was about to start a movie if you wanna join.”

Jeno shakes his head, the proximity driving him crazy. “I got an essay to write that is due,” He checks the clock. “9 minutes ago. Maybe another time?”

You open your arms and pull him in for a hug. “I’m holding you to that. Have fun writing your essay.”

He groans. “Oh yeah, the most fun.”

It’s when he gets past your door that you stop him. “Hey Jen?” He pauses, glances back, but doesn’t open the door to peek his head back into your room. “I’m glad it was you I sent the pictures to.”

He pretends like he doesn’t hear it, his mind already a jumbled mess.

The next few weeks are surprisingly not awkward. You both ignore it like you promised, going on with your routine as if it had never happened. Well, as much as possible, anyways.

Jeno is a young man in his prime. He has a very high sex drive. And yet, he hasn’t been able to jerk off in two weeks because every time he tries, he thinks of you. And the guilt that consumes him is always too much, so he ends up with a cold shower and a shit ton of frustration.

But two weeks is a long time to be pent up. So when you pop into his mind while he’s relaxing in bed, he can’t stop himself from grinding his hips down into the mattress. A little bit of relief turns into him humping the mattress like a dog, biting into his pillow to muffle his moans. You’re not home so he doesn’t really need to be quiet, but it’s a force of habit.

Your name still slips past his lips, and no matter how guilty he feels, he can’t stop. He groans your name and flips onto his back, wrapping his fist around his cock and nearly sobbing at how good it feels. His hips snap faster and faster into his hand and he’s so close, so fucking close-

“Jeno?” Your voice is too close to be a part of his imagination and it takes a moment for him to realize why.

His head snaps up and he makes eye contact with you, dread rushing through him. “Shit, y/n, I didn’t-“ He doesn’t finish, doesn’t know what he didn’t do, just yanks the covers up to protect the last bits of his dignity.

You swallow. “My class got cancelled. I uh, I heard you call my name and I didn’t realize that you were...” You trail off, making a vague gesture with your hand.

It’s bad, he knows, but he can’t stop himself from continuing to stroke himself at a torturous pace. He’s hidden from sight by the blanket and he grinds the heel of his palm into the head of his cock, biting his cheek so hard he tastes blood. It’s hurting more than it’s helping, and he knows it’s bad to keep doing it while talking to his roommate who he was just getting off to, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He grimaces, ready to try and talk himself out of it (or at least attempt to) when you continue. “Do you want help?”

Jeno’s eyes nearly fall out of his head and he hisses as he accidentally squeezes his cock too hard. You’re looking at your feet and maybe you’re just as embarrassed as he is.

“I mean, you’ve already seen my nudes. I wouldn’t mind, like, seeing yours too.” Jeno is hallucinating. There’s no way this is real. Shakily, he nods.

You move to sit down next to him, a little stiff, your eyes meeting his for a moment before flickering down over his torso. He jolts as you brush your fingertips along his arm, moving down the limb until you reach his hand, which is still fucking gripping his dick. You giggle when you realize that he’s been jerking off the whole time you’ve been in the room.

The covers are pulled down and your eyes widen briefly. Jeno’s self-conscious for half a second before you’re gasping out an “oh fuck, you’re big”. His ego inflates and he can’t stop himself from smiling.

“You must be close, yeah? Couldn’t stop touching yourself, even when I caught you.” Jeno groans, half in embarrassment, half in pleasure. You brush your fingers of the tip of his cock, just teasing around the head and his hips launch off the bed into your touch.

“Bet you were hoping I caught you. That’s why you were calling my name, isn’t it?” You lean close to brush your lips over his earlobe before moving down to leave wet kisses along his neck. He pants heavily, head tilting to give you more room.

Pleasure clouds his senses when you finally take pity on him, stroking his cock with a tight grip. “You’re the one who sent the pictures.” He pants out. There’s heat pooling his gut and he rolls his hips up into your grip, fucking into your hand.

“Aww, you liked them? Let me tell you a secret.” You move so that you’re straddling his thigh, leaning down to suck a hickey into his chest, and Jeno doesn’t miss the way your subtly rock your hips down. “I was thinking about you when I took them.”

That does it. Images of you picking out that lingerie with him in mind, posing and sucking on your fingers for him, touching yourself while imagining it’s him flash through his mind and it’s too much to handle. Jeno comes with a loud groan of your name, panting shallowly and digging his heels into the mattress. You work him through it, dragging out his pleasure until it’s almost too much and it starts to get painful. A loud whine leaves him and you laugh.

Jeno’s ears are ringing and his brain has turned to mush, so it takes him a while to realize that he’s got an arm locked around your body keeping you anchored to his chest. It also takes him a moment to notice how you grind down against his thigh, how you whimper and moan as you chase that bliss.

He just about comes again when he notices that you’ve got your fingers in your mouth, sucking and lapping at the digits to clean them of his come.

“Fuck,” He groans softly, tensing his thigh and pressing it up against you. “That feel good, baby?”

A hum leaves you, eyes opening to meet his own. You look thoroughly fucked out, sweat beading on your forehead, pupils blown wide with lust. “Yeah, I’m so close.”

Jeno’s hands move without him telling them to, grabbing your hips and pulling you down against his thigh harder, faster. He grips at your ass, loving the way it feels in his palm, and he brings one hand down softly. A slap sounds through the room and you keen, hips stuttering against him.

“Come on baby, let go.” His voice sounds utterly wrecked, deep and gravelly and what was supposed to be a casual phrase comes out as a command. You can’t do anything but moan in response, babbling out some variation of “please, please, I’m so close, I’m so- ohfuck.”

Your pace grows sloppy as you come, sobs leaving you as Jeno forces you to maintain a quick rhythm via his hands on your hips. Watching you fall apart is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He can’t tear his eyes away from you.

“Too much, I can’t- Jeno, I can’t-“ You shake and twitch on top of him and it fills him with satisfaction, seeing that he made you like this. He softens his hold, moving one hand up to your back and anchoring you to his chest. You bury your face into him with a sigh.

Jeno’s content to lay there and rub your back for a bit, maybe get some sleepy cuddles. But you push yourself up onto your forearms and disappointment fills him. He expects you to leave, expects things to be so unbearably awkward between the two of you that you have to move out, expects- well, anything except for the pair of lips pressing to his own.

The kiss takes him by surprise and he makes a muffled noise, taking a moment to coordinate himself enough to kiss back. You’re smiling into the kiss and it makes him smile too, his hand coming up to cup your jaw.

“So you sent me those nudes on purpose.” Jeno teases when you finally pull away, gasping for air. Your eyes widen before you’re shaking your head and giggling.

“No! I actually didn’t. They were meant for Mark, but I was thinking about you when I took them, so I guess my brain decided it would be a good idea to press your name.” You shuffle down a little bit so that your legs fit perfectly with his, limbs tangling together.

Jeno brushes your hair off of your forehead, stroking your scalp softly. You hum and melt into him. “Well, I guess you missed the mark on that one.”

It takes a moment for it to register but when it does, your head snaps up and you glare at him. “That was horrible, oh my God. I’m breaking up with you.”

“But we’re not dating?”

You turn shy, laughing and hiding your face. “Oh yeah. Well, would you maybe, uh, want to?”

Jeno can’t fight the smile that takes over his entire face as he looks at you. He leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. “I would love to.”

[sunqyu]

~ Treasure realizing they love you and the first time they say it pt 1.

Request 1: “ hmm im all in cute feelings, so FIRST I LOVE YOUS with treasure reaction thingy, would be super sweet 🙊💗🌼🌼 “ - anon

Request 2: “ i love your writing! treasure realizing theyre in love with their s/o🥺 “ - anon

These requests are both so adorable and fitting so I decided to combine them. Hope you enjoooy. Also, buckle up ‘cause ITS A LONG ONE AGAIN. Got carried away as usual so it’ll be in two parts. K BYE <3 - Nova

Hyunsuk

realizing it

it doesn’t take much to make Hyunsuk like you

but to actually fall in love with you

that’s a different story

he’s alone at the studio, trying to get his verse right

every time he fixes something he didn’t like, he notices something else

he’s sat at his desk, elbows next to the keyboard

head hanging down with his fingers tangled in his hair

a sharp inhale

a shaky exhale

then his phone lights up, a message from you, asking if he’s home yet and how his day went

2.30am, he reads

he starts typing, frantically, on and on as the chaos in his head makes it’s way onto his phonescreen

only for him to stop and delete it all because he knows what he really wants to send you

but it’s too late and he doesn’t want to be a burden, you need your sleep too

when he looks up and sees his own reflection in the, now dimly lit, screen of his computer

another sharp inhale

‘Not so great to be honest, can I come to your place?’ sent.

on the way to your house he’s still thinking about turning back

but all those thoughts are long gone the moment you open the door

your eyes beaming at him, messy bun wiggling side to side and you’re wrapped up in a blanket

his heart melts as he feels the tightness in his temples and neck from the stress subside

‘Hi- I missed you.’

you probably didn’t notice but he almost said something else

he snickers to himself, that would’ve been a bit early

saying it

definitely the type to say it without realizing what he’s saying

you two are getting groceries

which, even though it’s not a special thing, is always so much fun

this time you ended up playing hide and seek

it wasn’t really discussed, you just lost Hyunsuk at one point and decided to turn it into a game instead of calling him

which means it’s your turn now

it had been over 20 minutes and he was getting worried

very impressed with your skills

but worried

in the end he decided to call you

to his surprise he hears your ringtone behind him

he turns around

the ringtone is still behind him

he turns around

what the-

he turns around but really fast this time

his eyes meet yours a second before you start dying from laughter

‘How long where you doing that for-?’ he laughed in self-pity and disbelieve

when he finds out you never left he sighs

‘Ugh- I love you.’ he mutters inbetween chuckling

for a second he freezes, a thousand things running through his mind

but y’know what? fuck it.

‘Yea- it’s true. I love you.’

Jihoon

realizing it

also seems like someone who does not fall in love quickly

mostly because he’s not looking for it, he doesn’t feel the need to be in love to be happy

but once he does

oh boy

so when you came in his life he wasn’t thinking about a potential relationship

or wondering if you two would be compatible

he simply enjoyed your presence and you two got closer as friends

because of this the moment he realizes he has feelings for you will be overwhelming for him

wasn’t ready

you weren’t even doing anything different than usual

just eating in the yg cafetaria, both rambling about things

subjects that made people walking by look up because they didn’t get the full story

out of nowhere he fell hard

the mechanism that’s supposed to be his brain malfunctioning

croissant in mid-air

it all just made sense

the reason why he could never be sad around you

the reason that made your eyes twinkle more than anyone elses

the reason you saying his name sounds different than when anyone else says it

the reason he’s now sitting with his mouth wide open staring at you without really looking at you

‘Y-yea, I was listening. Ofcourse I was.’

saying it

probably says it on a special occasion

not planned or anything

it just seemed fitting in that moment

he realized before you two were even dating so it’s not like there’s any doubt left

still, expressing it feels like a very big step

it was quite a warm autumn evening

you were sitting on the floor at the salon table

filled with food from different places

‘I’m so proud of us.’ he beamed

you had just finished a very important essay which is going to be a great advantage when looking for an internship

he had just ended filming their third music video

‘I wish I could show you, you’re gonna love it.’ he mumbled before grabbing another bite

it looked like a feast but takeout-style

you continue eating, enjoying each others company

all the windows were open because of the nice weather

a soft breeze would ruffle the curtains

the subtle sound mixing well with the music

Jihoon had looked for just the right playlist for almost half an hour

and it couldn’t have been more perfect

the warm light of the candles was accompanied by a desklight

you got it out of your room because the ceiling light wasn’t cozy but the candles weren’t enough to see each other’s face (or the food)

the topic slowly drifts to more nostalgic memories

dates to the beach, your weekend in Japan, meeting his friends

‘You know what’s funny? out of all of those memories the one that is most special to me was a really simple one.’ something in his expression changed and you sat calmly, waiting for him to continue

‘It was a few days before I asked you out on our first date. We were at yg, eating something.’ he grabbed another bite of food, chuckling at your impatient response

‘I don’t know what it was but out of nowhere I realized I was in love with you.’ the words came out while he looked at his plate, looking up only a second before he continued

‘I still do. I love you-, even more each day.’

Yoshi

realizing it

there’s not really a specific moment where it hit him

his love for you grew gradually

which is exactly how he liked it

from the moment he met you he was never nervous around you

he never felt like he wasn’t good enough or like he had to try harder

everything made sense from day one

there would be moments where is heart could burst from it

like the time you tried to fix his broken jeans with a youtube tutorial

or when you first fell asleep on his chest

the worst was when he couldn’t see you for a few days

as if the love in him grew and grew but he couldn’t give it to you

he just felt like he was going to explode sometimes

the other boys would notice very easily

‘I know it’s only a few days, you guys are right.’

his mind didn’t listen to his own words

‘I’m fine- I promise.’

but if it’s a few more hours he might not be

he would go to bed quite early these days

after he noticed that trying to distract himself wasn’t working

he’d scroll through photo’s you took together

and photo’s he took of you

he’d sent you another text, hoping your phone was off so he wouldn’t wake you up

a strange mix of happiness and sadness

luckily once he realizes his sadness is temporary and it only shows how special you are to him he’ll be able to focus on the happiness

thinking about all the memories you’ve made and will make in the future as he slowly drifts to sleep

saying it

finally

finally he was going to see you again

it was only like three days but boy was he DEPRIVED

he was the first done packing

the first in the car

the first to run into the dorm and put his bag away

aaaand the first to run out the door again

you two had been texting all day about movies to watch and all the stories he wanted to tell

his knee bumped up and down in the bus

he couldn’t remember the last time he was this hyped

only three more stops

he gazed out the window chuckling at himself

who would’ve thought someone could make him feel like this?

his hand clutched on to the souvenir he got you

two more stops

an old couple got in

yoshi always had a weakness for happy old couple

but now especially

he smiled politely at them

admiring how in love they looked

that would be you in the future, he thought to himself

one more stop

his smile was still on his face

recognizing restaurants you two went to

clothing stores where you complimented his style

and then

the bus stop

it’s the one where you two met

he still can’t believe he managed to strike up a conversation with you that day

but it must’ve been meant to be

he looked around frantically as soon as his foot hit the sidewalk

the sound of your shoes on the floor came closer

he turned to face the sound and before he could even see your face he was holding you in his arms again

tightly as if to tell the world you were his

a deep sigh left his mouth before he mumbled into your hair

‘I love you- I missed you so much. I’m so happy to see you.’

Junkyu

realizing it

‘stop being weird-’ ‘says who?’

you and Junkyu were laying on his bed

both with your limbs spread out, staring at the ceiling

you weren’t sure how long you’d been there

he hummed along to the song you just put on

before being interrupted by the sound of his own stomach

‘Oh wow- sounds like it’s time for lunch.’ 

you nodded in agreement as you grabbed your phone

he started thinking about what to get, watching you tap away on your phone

your hair was laying in a circle around your head

a shadow from the ceilinglight behind your phone over your eyes

he noticed how you pupils dilated as they adjusted to the light everytime your moved your phone a bit

your eyes are cool af, woah

he turned to his side, still looking at your features while you scrolled on your phone

the song changed and this time it was you humming along

your voice is so nice, he thought to himself

his dreamy moment was interrupted by you looking at him

oh right- food

‘Uh- I want uh-..’

to his surprise you tell him you already ordered

‘What- what about me?’

you listed the things you ordered for him, saying how you definitely knew what he wanted by now

he was shocked

if you aren’t the SWEETEST MOST THOUGHTFUL HUMAN BEING

then he wouldn’t know who is

his dreamy moment continued, even though you were staring right back this time, confused

he never felt like this before

like he wants to fast-forward and sit in a rocking chair with you, grumbling about youth

wait

fuck

this is love isn’t it?

saying it

he promised

he promised he wasn’t going to fall asleep during the movie

but look at him now

soft deep breathing, lips slightly parted as he was laying against you

even though you didn’t want to wake him up you had already seen this movie with friends and the remote was all the way on the table

you reached forward in slow motion

slowly

sloooooowly

Junkyu moved, rubbing his cheek against your shoulder before mumbling under his breath and laying still again

that was close

the journey continues

slooooooooooowly

you were only 10cm away from reaching the remote

‘N-no hh.. stay h- ple ase.’

a dilemma

lean forward a bit more or sit back and just let the man sleep?

bit more

sloooooooooooooooowly

your fingertips grazed the remote and it wobble side to side

‘Babe?-’ that definitely sounded more awake then earlier

but when you look at him you see he’s definitely not fully awake yet

‘Come back to beeed-’ he whined

bed? boy, we’re on the couch

you didn’t mention it and instead quickly grabbed the remote before you sat back down a little faster

‘Th-nk yo-’ he held you tighter

‘Love you-’

wait what?

Mashiho

realizing it

seems like a hopeless romantic to me

so might realize quite fast

this man has been fantasizing and imagining his future love life for so long

not to the point where he’s yanking flowers apart to find out if you love him or not

but he sees the beauty in so many things

enjoys the warmth of the sun on his skin

likes to watch people going about their day and thinking what their life is like

leaves sweet notes on receipts for hardworking employees to find when they come clean his table

little things but a lot of things

he has an eye for beauty and knows exactly how to use it for his own happiness

so he quickly noticed how happy you made him

it was again, the little things

but so so many

how your pinky finger was always a little higher than the rest when your hands were relaxed

how the cute baby hairs on the back of your neck would always leave your ponytail within minutes of putting your hair up

how your foot would bounce up and down when you sat with your legs crossed, even if there was no music

how every time you called him cute he had to keep himself from calling you cute because he knew you’d hide your face in your hands right after

the way you sat against the mirror when you came to watch him practice

sleeves of his sweater to long for your arms as you clapped after each song

loving you wasn’t something that happens at one point

it’s built within him since the moment you met

it just grows and grows as you take care of it with your cuteness and love

saying it

so much snow

everywhere

the snowflakes were most visible under the light of the streetlanterns

appearing and disappearing as they went back into the dark nightsky

the crisp sound from under your shoes was relaxing

you and Mashiho had a snowballfight after finishing about 20 snowangels each

it had gotten dark before you knew it so now you were walking home

his arm around your shoulder, rubbing softly to keep you warm

you felt the cold water through your gloves but sharing bodyheat was all you needed

both of you had soft smiles on your faces, walking in content silence

and you were also just EXHAUSTED so the quiet evening was a nice change

in some of the houses you walked by you could already see christmaslights and trees

he noticed you looking

‘Lets get our own decorations soon.’ 

you nodded happily, leaning against him a little more

this was going to be your first christmas together

you never expected to celebrate it with someone this year

the idea of setting up a tree together and the coziness it would bring made him feel warm inside

you discussed fun things you could do for christmas

ways to surprise the boys or what you wanted to eat

he listened to you talk about memories and future plans

when he noticed how clearly he was already involved in those future plans he couldn’t help himself

‘Hey-’ he gave your shoulder a squeeze to make you look at him

‘I love you, so so much-‘

Jaehyuk

realising it

it was the first time you were going to meet the rest of Jaehyuk’s group

a little nervous but mostly excited you walked to the front door

he told you to text him when you got there so he could see you before the rest did

a few second after you saw he read your message the door opens

you get a kiss on the lips, a tight hug and a kiss on your forehead all after each other

he wanted to show you love but also wanted to mentally prepare you for what was about to him

don’t get him wrong, he loves the other members with all his heart but he could imagine them being a little.... overwhelming.

before he could even ask you if you were nervous the yells from the living room began

curious heads peeking out from behind his back, 11 hands reaching out to you as they all wanted to introduce themselves first

you could make out some teasing to Jae followed by someone’s voice trying to keep the peace

he looked at you with slight worry in his face, only to be greeted by a cheerful smile

before he knew it you were bashing out jokes left and right

even standing up for him a few times in the funniest ways

he couldn’t be happier

so many people he loved in one room

one in particular though

he took a moment to sit back against the couch and look around in awe

so happy

after a few hours and some good food it was time for you to go home

he watched you end your conversation with Asahi

who, to his surprise, seemed like he didn’t want the conversation to end

you waved goodbye to everyone and got loads of no’s and why’s in return

‘It’s late guys, she still has to go home.’

saying it

you still heard the whining when you and Jae reached the front door

you talked a few more minutes about how much you enjoyed yourself and the funny and awkward moments you two noticed

‘Apparently you don’t only make me happy but my friends too.’

you beamed at the compliment

even though you enjoyed the night as well, the validation that they did too meant a lot to you

‘So I’ve been approved?’ ‘Clearly.’

he insisted on walking you home 

you discussed the evening even more

he explained more about their personalities and memories he has with them which now made so much sense to you

your fingers were intertwined, arms swinging back and forth playfully

for some reason he felt a lump in his throat

but he couldn’t quite figure out why

it even distracted him from your conversation a few times

which is very unlike him so you noticed quickly

when you stopped walking to ask him what was wrong

looking him in the eye to show you you were not taking nothing for an answer

the determined look in your eyes made him realize what it was

what he had been holding back

but he didn’t say it

not yet

after a few minutes you reached your frontdoor

‘Thank you for the great evening, I’m sure they’ll want you back as soon as possible.’

he leaned in for a goodnight’s kiss, holding you close a little tighter than usual

for a second he pulled back

‘I love you-’

before connecting your lips again

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re taking reaction/imagine requests? asdfghjkl um- can we have an imagine with ateez teasing and embarrassing you in front of your classmates during your online classes during quarantine? i know it sounds lame zxcbxm

❥ kim hongjoong

���so i was thinking i could do this part and maybe you could do-“

hongjoong opened the door to your shared bedroom, making you look up from your computer and narrow your eyes at your boyfriend. you subtly shake your head at him before continuing to speak to your project partners. 

he had heard you complain for the past week about how they hadn’t been doing anything, that their powerpoint slides and essay portion still wasn’t done despite the deadline being tomorrow. he raised an eyebrow at the girl’s nasally voice saying that she still didn’t quite understand what she had to do. 

he could only listen to you for so long try to explain it to her, voice high and shaky the way it always is when you’re uncomfortable; he knows how much you prefer working alone, that group work and public speaking are the two worst aspects for you in school. 

it’s why he prances his way over to your desk as you look into the camera, only sensing his presence when he leans over your shoulder and places his arm down on the desk. “are these the girls who weren’t doing shit?” he asks, mouth in your ear but the words loud enough for everyone to hear. your cheeks flame and you push him away from the desk, stuttering out an apology as you glare at hongjoong who’s looking at you from across the room. 

embarrassment and all, though, it must’ve hit a nerve in them because when you checked back at the document a few hours later, after yelling and scolding hongjoong for a good thirty minutes, everything was completed. 

❥ park seonghwa

you had told him to stay out of the camera. that you would stay in the living room with him but that he couldn’t make a sound or have his presence known. 

and it’d been working until your teacher called on you to answer a question, his voice hard and commanding the way all of your classmates have grown used to. everyone had just thought the man hated you all, his blunt way of speaking and loud, booming tone scaring the shit out of all of you for the first few weeks of class.

you came to learn that’s just how he was, a severe case of tough love that some long-time professors just harbor after dealing with loudmouth college kids. but when seonghwa heard the man harshly call your name, his head looked up from his phone and he narrowed his eyes; he didn’t like someone talking to you like that. 

“can you give us your thoughts since you’ve just been sitting there with a stupid look on your face.” 

he isn’t able to see the small smirk on your face at the professor’s words, instead throwing his phone aside and poking your arm gently. 

“who the fuck is he talking to like that?” 

your eyes widen as you immediately mute your sound, pushing seonghwa back and shaking your head at him. “seonghwa, are you crazy!?” your laptop is turned away so your classmates and professor don’t see you and your boyfriend talking back and forth, the crazy overprotective man next to you saying he doesn’t care who it is, no one’s allowed to say shit like that to you. 

“he doesn’t mean it in a bad way, he’s just like that!” but when seonghwa shakes his head and deems that’s completely unnecessary, you take your laptop and stomp off toward the bedroom. you ignore the call of seonghwa’s voice before you close the door, warning him through gritted your teeth he better not follow you. 

when you turn your camera back on, your cheeks are warm and embarrassment floods through you at the smirk on your teacher’s lips and the curious looks of your classmates. 

“your boyfriend’s not gonna beat me up, is he?”

❥ jeong yunho

you were listening to the professor’s lecture with your feet in yunho’s lap, the boy quietly doing his own studies as he listened to music through his headphones. 

the video session was scheduled for an hour and a half, looking at the time in the corner to reveal only forty minutes have passed. you let out a sigh, resting your head on your hand as you do everything in power to pay attention to the professor’s monotone voice. 

yunho looks up and sees the bored expression on your face, pausing his music but remaining nonchalant as he moves his gaze back to his textbook. but just as he hears you start to yawn, he moves his long finger to your foot and scratches up the bottom of your sock-covered skin.

and thank god your mic is muted because you jump and yelp at the ticklish feeling and your laptop falls over into the couch cushion, your squeaky “yunho!” followed by his deep chuckle making you smack him playfully as you adjust yourself again. 

you notice a few of your classmates smirking and hope it has nothing to do with your little mishap, squinting at yunho as he continues to laugh at you. when the teacher announces it’s time for a class discussion, you go to move your feet but he grabs your ankle, a pout on his face as he promises not to do it again. 

but you missed the way his pointer and middle finger were crossed behind his thigh, the mischievous boy waiting until you started talking to scratch his nail under the bottom of your foot. 

“and i think that’s something really import-ANT…in this lesson,” you say, the way you jump making him snort. you kick him in the side before sitting up, apologizing to your professor before you attempt to continue your intellectual discussion. 

❥ kang yeosang

you thought it was lucky that your class time matched up with yeosang’s practice time, a quiet peaceful hour and a half for you to sip your coffee and really pay attention to the lecture. 

but since you were in your room, you didn’t hear the front door or the sound of shoes hitting the floor. you only became aware of your boyfriend at the same time as your whole class, your bedroom door pushing open and yeosang jumping to belly flop onto the bed directly behind you. 

“hi, baby! shit, i am so sweaty, i can’t believe-“

“uh, yeosang-“ you try to say but the boy only takes a heavy breath and continues to talk, going on about how difficult the new choreography is and how if he doesn’t start working out hard, it’s gonna be the death of him. and you love that he’s telling you all of this, you really do, but you’re also not ignorant of the fact that your entire call has turned silent in amusement and fascination at yeosang’s cute rambling. 

“why are you sitting over there, can’t you just lay with me so i can-“

“yeosang, please stop talking,” you beg him quietly, the panic in your voice causing him to look up; your cheeks are burning and you look about ready to burst out into awkward laughter, the boy’s face dropping when he sees about 25 boxes of random faces staring at him. 

“oh-oh my god! oh my, god! i’m so sorry, i’m just gonna- why wouldn’t you tell me!” he frantically runs out of the room, your own hand covering your face because it’s not even like he gave you a chance. 

“i’m sorry,” you say to your class, your pink cheeks causing your professor to smile and shake her head, carrying on with the lesson like you and your boyfriend aren’t gonna hide under the covers in embarrassment for the rest of the day over this. 

❥ choi san

your teacher didn’t require sound during lectures but she liked to make sure everyone was up and awake for the eight a.m class, always asking you guys to leave your cameras on so she can see you’re “attentive and alert.”

and usually you didn’t mind but today san was fast asleep so you had your headphones in, your camera turned away from your bed and facing the bright window as you tried your hardest not to nod off right then and there. 

you didn’t think you woke san when you snuck out from under his arm but you found that you were sadly mistaken, just twenty minutes into the lecture his whiny morning voice starting. 

“baby….come back to bed,” he mumbled into the pillow, a smirk on your lips as you look over at him. his one eye peeks open and he sees you sitting at the desk in front of your laptop, wearing his shirt and a pair of shorts with knee high socks that makes him all too desperate and needy to have you back in bed with him. 

you watch his eyes rake over you and a pout make its way on his face, holding his arm out as he whines out your name. “soon, san, i’m almost done,” you tell him, even though it’s a lie and you hope he’ll fall back asleep within the next few minutes

but he waits for all about five before he gets up, concentrating on writing notes down with the professor’s voice in your ear that you miss the way he shuffles toward you. it’s not until he wraps his arms around you from behind and buries his face in your neck that you realize he’s here, your eyes shooting to the camera and cheeks flushing before raising it to the ceiling. 

“san! my whole class just saw that!” you squeal, the way he pulls your neck back to kiss your lips proving he’s completely unbothered by the fact; he just wants you back in the warm bed, who cares about school?

❥ song mingi

“guys, you have to be quiet!” your roommate tells the boys, “y/n’s on a video chat with her class and-”

mingi, in a burst of excitement to finally see you after being apart for a week, ignores the girl’s words and bursts right into your room. his deep, happy yelp of your name and excited waves causes you to snap your head back and smile immediately at him; your heart softens at the way he’s bouncing like a giant child. 

you return a small wave before nodding toward the door, holding up your two palms and wiggling your fingers to indicate ten more minutes. but the boy just doesn’t get it, making his way over to you before he stops and sees a whole laptop of people staring at him. 

he looks at you in surprise, like he wasn’t already warned that you were doing this, before jumping to the side and waiting politely in your bean bag chair. 

you turn back around and have to fight the smiling desperate to make it’s way on your pink cheeks, ignoring the way your friend in the class starts private messaging you asking who the cute boy behind you was. 

❥ jung wooyoung

“why’s your camera off, y/n?”

your eyes narrow at the obnoxiously familiar voice coming through your laptop speakers, shaking your head as you do your best not to curse him out. 

given that your real class time is over two hours, your professor allows for a fifteen minute break where usually everyone either turns off their cameras to eat or has one big chaotic chat, usually led by no other than 

“wooyoung, shut up,” you snap when you can’t take it anymore, his nonstop questioning and high pitched giggle piercing right through your eyes. 

“why don’t you say it to my face?” he counters and you can just hear the smirk in his voice. you leave your computer and stomp out of your bedroom and down the hall, kicking open the door to see the boy himself sitting in front of his laptop with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“we are never taking another class together again!”

❥ choi jongho

“any last minute questions?”

“oh, um yes!” you reluctantly speak up, hating to ask in the first place and especially now over this new type of video chat set up. “about the project,  should we be using apa format or-”

“goodbye, baby, goodbye!” 

your mouth drops open and heat immediately creeps on your face, jongho walking past you with headphones in as he sings and dances like there’s no one around. but there’s about thirty of you around, his singing piercing through the speakers of every single one of your classmates as they watch him shimmy and shake across the room.

he continues his singing until he closes the door to the bathroom and you don’t even think he noticed you sitting in your desk at the corner, an awkward laugh threatening to bubble out of your mouth as you try to regain your composure. 

“i’m so sorry,” you blurt out, cheeks pink as you shake your head and try to ignore the giggles coming from your classmate when, even from the bathroom, they can hear jongho singing his heart out.

[touchmycoat]

I LOVE YOUR PORN AU!!!!! LIKE SO MUCH - and i'm just. if you don't mind me asking, how - the way you flesh out the characters, their motivations, and feelings in every scene in such an eloquent way, and just little things here and there, a habit or an activity that adds dimension to who they are, and - your prose is wonderful. you achieve this addictive, engrossing narrative space that readers just absolutely melt into, and i have to ask - how did you develop your writing style? 1/2

what books did you read that formatively shaped the way you write? or you know, what did you do to improve your writing? i'm so in awe of how you world-built and established the porn au - like lqg & hc being national taolu champions?? how do you come up with that stuff? i cannot comprehend the amount of research and effort that must've gone into porn au, and i'm just so deeply thankful that you decided to share that with us. i apologize if i'm coming on too strong, but wow. thank you 2/2

--

oh my god please don't apologize, when i saw your ask i rolled on the floor giggling hysterically for a solid 15 min, bless your heart

part of the answer to your question—i've taken like, 8 years' worth of creative writing classes/workshops! there was also a transnational literary component to my degree so whenever possible, i took literature classes fksjdfksd so whatever you see and like is definitely the result of a lot of work. My writing from not even 10 years ago but like, 5? horrid, ridiculous, wild, cringe. The Porn AU itself is the second draft of a MUCH more lackluster piece.

about my writing style. gosh, you really know how to make a writer blush. "I like your writing style" is literally an instant kill LMFAO okay okay, the useful answer: my primary criteria for choosing what to write is, don't be obvious, be interesting. Fiction tells us to show, not tell, right? Poetry is about concretizing the abstract. Screenwriting says cut all useless lines. A lot of writing rules and advice—never start with the weather, avoid detailed descriptions of the characters, don't use adverbs, etc.—are all really about this exact sentiment.

I once took a seminar on writing for horror movies. The golden rule of the horror genre is Never Show the Monster, because whatever the audience is imagining is always going to be scarier than what you actually show them. There are obviously exceptions to this (to all writing rules), but in my mind, it's all the same principle.

LONG answer under the cut

So you start with building a scene. I approach it like essay-writing—I state my thesis for the motivations/main propulsion of the plot. "In this scene, LQG and SY are motivated to save Cang Qiong's porn production, so they have sex on camera." Then you build the sub-motivations: "LQG is also doing this because he's pining after SY."

I learned this "thesis-writing" from theater, specifically from writing 10-min plays. Theater is all about characters being driven by their wants and needs, and the reason I say 10-min plays in particular is because longer forms of writing will give you more leeway, but in 10-min, you pretty much need your character motivations established from their very first line. That's why you need that very clear thesis for yourself—if you don't even know what the character wants from the get-go, then you can't establish who they are, what they want, and where they're going to go in a dynamic and interesting way.

So this thesis drives EVERYTHING that happens in your scene, just like an actual thesis for an essay, just like topic sentences for your paragraphs. Once I do this, I have the emotional direction & narrative scope of how much this scene will cover, I have a sense of where it begins and ends. "Begin with the dynamics of their sex. LQG starts showing signs of his feelings. Reveal LQG backstory for exactly what those feelings are and why he isn't telling SY. The rest of the scene implies that LQG's feelings may not be so unrequited, but also sets up the fundamental problem at the heart of the whole fic—SY's inability to comprehend his own feelings." This is kind of my new thesis now. They're having sex; LQG pines; SY doesn't know he himself is pining.

Now it's time to manifest. This is the "storytelling" part, and the hardest lmfao.

Personally, my approach is largely shaped by my very cool screenwriting teacher, who hammered into us: don't fucking waste lines. The Golden Rule of screenwriting is that every line should reveal something new. I found my old writing kind of repetitive, especially on the emotional front, so this is kind of my editing mantra now—is this line either propelling the story or revealing character? If it's revealing character, is it a revelation that has to happen right now, or is it slowing the momentum of the scene?

But these aren't rhetorical questions! "Momentum" doesn't just mean tumble forward as fast as you can, it also means taking the time to draw the bowstring back further, so your next move has even more propulsion. That's why you get the little "LQG has been in love with SY..." cut scene in the middle of the fucking (at least, that's my reasoning for putting it there). Every line has to bring a fresh revelation that "proves" your thesis further.

That brings me to the details. You said you like the details I inject into the world-building, and honestly that's so gratifying to hear, because that means I'm successfully manifesting my intentions, y'know? "Every line has to bring new info" kind of sounds like a tall order, but the most effective way I've seen it done in books and onstage/onscreen is with these hyper-specific details. If you're writing a scene in which someone feels dirty, never have them just say that—have them say they want to take a shower. Show them running out of bleach again as they scrub down the stall after they wash. Begin the scene like "Steve always washes his throat first now." Then pack the scene with even more revelatory details: "Soap in hand, he heard the pipes above his head groan for a half note on adagio, and readied himself for the blast of icy water that always followed." Shitty shower, probably not rich, is likely a classical musician.

By the same token, I want to build LQG's character. The "Liu Qingge has been in love with Shen Yuan" section is the first insight we get into his background and perspective, right, so: I need to establish LQG's emotional context for filming this scene -> I can characterize him as a nut for martial arts in the same stroke -> so this takes place at a gym, beating up sandbags is a classic way of showing manly emotional distress -> so give me more details on this gym -> Puqi Gym, XL the martial god is obviously the owner -> how do I have XL & LQG a relationship beyond gym owner & client? They spar together -> I want XL & HC's position in this AU to mirror their god/ghost king statuses in TGCF canon -> how can I concretize their fighting prowesses in real-world details? -> they're martial arts champions -> what's an actual competitive martial art form that involves weaponry? -> wushu -> wikipedia Wushu, find taolu weapons sparring

(I just realized that in my songxiao daycare AU, Hualian are Olympic gold medalists by the same narrative logic laksjdnflaksjdnflsd)

So, that's the flow of logic behind my world-building lmao. It's all in the details. Leverage is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and the way they build their stories is super inspiring. If their thesis is "the rich and powerful take what they want, we steal it back for you," they manifest it in the most specific and concrete narratives: mine workers who like the work but are fighting for workplace safety vs. the money-grubbing mine owner who will blow up their livelihoods if it means a bigger payday; the little girl from Iraq with refugee status forced to be an accomplice to antique smuggling vs. international smuggler with a fetish for British royalty.

Last pieces of writing advice I've gotten: pay attention to the real world. A writing exercise we did was just sit in a public spot and make concrete observations on our surroundings. There are stories in everything!!! I learned to observe things like weird holes in the concrete (earthquake? drilling accident? bullet mark?), odd patches of moss or bird shit (look overheard: it's an AC unit dripping water for the former and nesting swallows for the latter), ladies in flipflops walking alongside ladies in high heels (excited mother walking her antsy daughter to the bus for the daughter's first job interview—the daughter's shirt collar is unfashionable and she's taking the bus, so there's a good chance the shoes were passed down, maybe from an office lady aunt. Maybe she's even overdressed for the interview, so will her outfit be an unintended source of tension once she gets to the interview? Is it a group interview, to make the comparison more stark?).

Also, write what you know. You know why SY is a video editor in porn AU? Because I'm a video editor. One of my more popular MDZS fics is set in a plant shop 'cause I worked in a plant shop. SL was First AD in Bachelor!AU 'cause I was First AD on a set once. Concrete details like the editing software having a split-screen, always answering questions about how often to water plants, and being up until 3AM editing call-sheets are the ones that will fully immerse your readers.

And if you can't do the actual things, just watch someone who is, listen to them talk, pick up lingo, and fake it. I watched like a 15-min vox video on fencing for the fencing!AU and a 45-min music theory video on the hospital pianist!AU (also I started learning piano sklfjnlsdjlfkjsd). Of course, I just finished reading a wangxian fic that had me going, "holy fucking shit, the author is literally getting their masters in a music program" so my 45-min youtube video ain't shit, but if you just need a little bit of character establishment, then it's enough to do the trick.

Anyways, tl;dr. Find the details, find the tension. Never tell outright what the tension is supposed to be, manifest it instead. Make the manifestation as interesting as possible, and if it's meant to be funny, make it funnier.

Sorry this turned into a fucking lecture lskjnflskdjnflskd but last thing, someone asked me before if I had formative authors, and this was the list I wrote at the time:

Angels in America (play) by Tony Kushner

The God of Small Things (novel) by Arundhati Roy

The Penelopiad (novel) by Margaret Atwood

“Litany in Which Certain Things are Crossed Out” (poem) by Richard Siken

Night Sky with Exit Wounds (poetry) by Ocean Vuong

Giovanni’s Room (novel) by James Baldwin (and then Go Tell it on the Mountain and then his essays)

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

And, ooh, now that I have this list I think I can even roughly sort it as such: Kushner, Atwood, Siken, and Salinger I really latched onto for their dialogue and very present narrator voice—same is true for Go Tell it on the Mountain. Roy, Vuong, and Giovanni’s Room, I think, are texts more representative of the kind of saturated figurative language I like, and emulate. Of course they all do imagery and voice and overall structure amazingly, but that’s the rough dividing line I’d draw.

But yeah James Baldwin is my fucking hero.

[eerythingisshaka]

PTA II

[Trevante Rhodes x Reader]

Word Count: 2.4k

Angsty Fluff

Part 1

Looking at your desk, you wonder how it’s gotten even more junky since working from home.  A rainbow of notebooks and sticky pads scatter its surface with reminders and past lesson plans that beg for organization.  You pick them up in clusters, doing a vague clean up as you check the clock on your computer to see you have ten minutes until showtime.  Your kids will be logging in for their Zoom classroom to begin.  

You’re starting a new chapter on the Civil War today and although you knew it like the back of your hand, you freaked out at the moment, not able to find your presentation in any of the appropriate desktop folders.  Unfortunately your virtual desktop was every bit as messy as your physical one.  Clicking through the dated lesson plans, you finally find what you are looking for, opening it to prepare for sharing as your breakfast sandwich dings in the microwave.  You meander through the obstacle course of your living room to grab your meal to go, almost burning your hand from its fresh heat as you sit back down, just in time to start off the lesson.

“Good Morning class!  Happy Monday!”

“Good Morning!”  They all say in scattered succession, your greeting back.  

You dig right into the lesson at hand with dates, names, places, and all that is in between. The kids were assigned a chapter before the weekend to prepare for discussion and luckily most of them seemed to have at least skimmed the topic beforehand.

“Ok guys, now we have a few more minutes before I have to assign this week’s project, so does anyone have any questions?”

One young man, Nemour raised his hand.  “Yes, do you think, um, like could this happen again, do you think?”

You couldn’t hold back the gag on your face from the insightful question.  “That’s a good question.  And I know it really fits with some things that are talked about in politics today.  I won’t say that it never is going to happen, but I also will not scare you into thinking that it will.  Civil Wars are happening today in countries all over so it is not a subject that is new or forgotten.  But use the events that lead up to it and think about what we do that could avoid the conflict or what are tells that signify that war is imminent.  Thank you for that question Nemour because it segues us into this week’s project…”

Displeasure washed across several of your students’ faces but you have been blind to that behavior for years now so you began the rundown:  three page essay on any aspect of the Civil War they may choose.  

“You may email me and we can discuss your idea and if it is a topic that can fill three pages.  I want a citation page, credible sources.  See me if you need a review on what a credible source is.  I will see you again tomorrow guys.  Be safe!” 

The blips of each person signing off is your background noise as you put aside your notes once more, dropping your pen in the process.  

You pick it up and hear something in the background of Nemour’s video.  

“Nemour?”  You call out the student’s name but they must’ve forgotten to sign off.  You begin to hang up yourself, when someone comes into frame.

“Nemour, I told you to clean up your room before school started so I could get this laundry done, damn!”  

You recognize the shirtless man strutting with a laundry basket under his arm as Trevante Rhodes, Nemour’s dad.  You had a run in with him before that left you more than flustered but you stuck to your morals to ensure nothing came of it.  Luckily, Nemour’s been doing well and no one has messed with his things, so any teacher-parent meetings are only the ones required by the school.  

“Ahh ah ahh ah ah AHHHHH!  Caught up in the rapture of love…”  He sang out loud, setting the basket on a table to free his shoulders up for some bopping.  

You can’t look away and didn’t dare end the session as the show was just getting started.  Trevante rolls his shoulders, pumping his fists victoriously in rhythm with the song.  You take a bite of your breakfast sandwich covertly appreciating the show.

“I love you here by me/ You let me love fly free…”

He spins around quickly on his toes ending on a pose before the next verse.  His body is an artist’s dream with each flex he made.  You could tell before that he is a fit man but nothing beats seeing the evidence unadulterated.  His thick torso kept steady by his deep abs, kiny hair peppered across his chest for flavor.  And those arms, what can be said about these family style, thick cuts-

“Ms (Y/N)?”  You snap out of your inner study and forget you are in full view of him seeing you.  Hanging up abruptly flashed through as an option but it made no sense now you were caught.

You shuffle some papers as he takes out his AirPods and comes closer to the camera.   “That is you!”

You look up in feigned surprise, coughing up your previous bite of sandwich.  “Oh, Mr. Rhodes!  Did Nemour forget to sign off.  Oh well, I was just going to-”

“Nemour!”  Trevante yells out.  The soft patter of feet become louder. 

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Your teacher is waiting on you, whatchu doin?”

“No no!  I wasn’t waiting!”  You say fervently.

Nemour peeks over his dad’s arm.  “Hi Ms (Y/N).  Did you need me?”

You smile disingenuously.  “No, I was just about to sign off.  Just don’t forget that project, ok?”

“Yes ma’am.”  He runs out the room as his dad calls out.

“Talk to me about this project when I’m done talking to your teacher!”  Trevante takes a seat, looking pleased with the predicament.  You are mortified, sitting your your head in your hands.

“So...how you been?  You look well.”  Trevante says with an enthused smile.

You look to him and return a tight one.  “Thanks.  I can’t say I’ve done much of anything but good to know I don’t look worse since our last talk.”

Trevante leans forward with his chin in his hand and you try not to imagine sinking your teeth into it.  “Please, you’re blessed to not need much.  Natural beauty.”

You take in the compliment with an inhale.  “Sure, thanks,”  you say, noticing a spot of jelly landed on your chest, probably after that last bite.  You rub you chest to get the tiny stain out.

“Wow, that looks damn good,”  Trevante says when you’re done.

You hold a hand to your chest, gasping in outrage.  “Mr. Rhodes!  I really don’t take kindly to forward comments referring to my body!”

Trevante purses his lips together, resting his chin on his fist.  “I...meant that sandwich.  I can see it below there.”

Your mouth hangs open staring from the sandwich to the meal in front of you.  “I am...so sorry...”

“Don’t worry about it.  Hey, how was your date?”  he asks quickly with a forgiving look. 

You think of his question with confusion before you realize that you had brought up meeting someone on Valentines Day after the meeting with him last time.  

“You remember that?”  You ask, slightly impressed.

He nods.  “Of course.  I’m that kind of person, receptive to information and it sticks.  That’s why Nemour so good at school, gets it from Daddy.”

“Good to know.  But the date didn’t go as well as I hoped it would…”

Trevante cocks his head to the side inquisitive.  “Huh.  Where’d y’all go?”

You roll your eyes automatically.  “He told me to meet him up at this mom and pop diner, which I’m not stuck up!  If the food is good, I’m practically down for anything!”

“Ok, ok, so what was the problem?”

“He knew the family that owned the place, so his meal was free.  We ordered like a late night breakfast thing and it wasn’t good.  My food was both bland and overseasoned and the eggs I asked for were runny when I wanted a hard scramble.”

“Oh no,”  he shakes his head.

“And in the end, even though his meal was paid, I had to pay for mine because he’s ‘in between things right now’.  Then I had to give him a ride home and he offered his bed to me since his mama was asleep on some Xanax.”

Trevante rears his head back covering his mouth with his fist during his hoot-and-holler.  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but that was pretty damn bad.”

You laugh graciously.  “I know, but he was cute and I swear he seemed to have more potential than most other guys on the apps so maybe it was just a bad day?”

“You are giving these playas too much credit!  And apps?  Shoot, you could pull any ole dude off the street on a Tuesday just taking out the trash.”

“Mr. Rhodes-”

“Trevante works.  Sometime Tre, sometimes Te but hold the Mr. Rhodes for me, please.”

“Fine, but only on here, I can’t call parents by their first names in public, it’s just too formal for me.”  

Trevante gets a sneaky grin on his face, scratching his beard stealthily.  “So, you want to talk to me on here more often?”

Your jaw drops, aghast.  “Mr… Trevante, I never said that.  You’re always putting words in my mouth.”

He shrugs.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just so pretty, I can’t help but wanna hear it say things I wanna hear.”

You twist in your chair, barely composing yourself with his sly talk.  “Wow!  You never quit!”

“I will when you do!”  

You face each other in a standoff over each other’s screen.  He was slowly tearing down your walls as much as you tried to reinforce them with professionalism.

“Ok,” you say.

“What’s ok?”  

You sit forward, building up the nerve.  “IF we were to discuss things outside of schoolwork and your son, how would that go?”

Trevante rubs his hands together.  “Well, first-”

You put a finger up.  “Remember that I have a busy schedule with assignments and we are in quarantine so no way we could be in the same room or eat out.”

Trevante looks off into space, thinking.  “Ok, so when do you usually turn down for the night?”

“For bed?  Probably ten if I am lucky.”

He nods, rubbing his chin philosophically.  “What are you having for dinner?”

“...probably this pasta thing I picked up at the store…” you say reluctantly.

Trevante claps his hands together.  “That’s it!  Ok, I gotta go but let’s talk later, aight?”

Before you could question him further, he hangs up the video call.  You sat there pondering what just happened.  Trevante is pretty straightforward with you but that ended on an unusual note.  And then you began to think back to his smile and body and laugh and compliments, making your head curl toward your lap with giddiness.  

“God he is so fine.”

Later that evening you are laid across your couch in full snuggy mode: bonnet on, pimple cream where needed, tshirt and titties freeballing.  You set your reheated pasta meal down to cool and look through your emails one more time before calling it a night.  You have more than one concerned parent who will message you at ungodly hours about why Timmy and Jane aren’t getting an A+ average and their stress allows you to sleep peacefully as you’re reminded how unbothered you are since students make the grades, not you.

As usual, there is one new unread message to check out and of all people it is Nemour’s dad.  No subject line, but the body of the email asking you to log on to video call him.

This was sent almost an hour ago, so you feel pretty secure that he is not on and let your curiosity lead you to the app.

Not long after, you get an invitation from Trevante.

“Hey!”  he says, smiling wide (this time with a shirt on)  after you accept.  You begin to smile back but catch a glimpse of you in video and feel instant regret.

“What’s wrong?”  he asks, slurping some spaghetti up.

“I forgot what I looked like, I should’ve waited to talk in the morning,” you say apologetically.

Trevante waves a hand at you.  “Don’t worry about all that.  You getting ready to wind down, right?”

You pick up your dinner and show him on camera.  “Pasta and all.”

“Great, so the date is on!  How was your day since we last spoke?”  he asks, slurping more spaghetti and taking a bite out of some garlic bread.

You scoff, poking at your penne.  “So this is why you didn’t answer me?  This is your plan for a date?”

He holds his hands out humbly.  “A brotha gotta try.  You so busy and remember we are in a quarantine so I can’t have you coming here with those beautiful germs of yours.”

“Wow, sure ok.  Throw it back at me.  Got it.”

You take a bite of your pasta as ladylike as possible, giving a rundown of your day which wasn’t much to take note of as Trevante noisily slurps his spaghetti making you laugh.

“What’s up?”  he asks, wiping his mouth.

“I...well your meal looks better than mine.  At least you make it look better.”

He licks his lips before smiling, lighting your spirit as you smirk into your food.

“What can I say, I get down in the kitchen when I can.  I wasn’t bout to heat up some frozen mess and call that a meal, you know?  I gotta eat real food!”

You drop your fork.  “Ok, Mr. Anita Baker!  I know when I’ve been disrespected!”

Trevante gets nervous having offended you.  “Wait wait!  My bad, ok?”

You point at him with all authority.  “My food is my business.”

“No problem, I’ll hold back, but not too much on Anita.  And maybe I’ll order you some DoorDash or something next time.”

“If,” you warn.

Trevante gives you a playful face.  “If not, I’ll just tell Nemour to quit doing his homework and we can conference about it.”

“Oh bye, he’s too smart for that!”

Trevante laughs.  “You probably right.  Look, I don’t mean to push, but I’m glad you made time to see me here tonight.”

His eyes look at you genuinely pleased and you feel that familiar giddiness creeping up.  

“I’m glad you invited me.  Just this little bit is better than my last date, so points to you.”

Trevante stares at you contently.  “You know if we were outside, this is when we’d kiss.”

You look up to the ceiling.  “Here you go!”

“I felt the moment!  Don’t lie!”

You look at him defiantly.  “Too bad we won’t know until that time comes.”

He wags a finger at you.  “See?  You keep thinking these are conversation ending phrases, but you baiting me.  So there’s a next time ahead of us!  Hit me up for a Netflix Party and Chill.”

“Good night, Te,”  you say exasperatedly.

“Have a good day at school tomorrow.”

You hang up first and sail backward, laying across your couch feeling like you ran a marathon.  This could all still be forgotten.  You aren’t too deep to deny him.  He called this a date but come on, did it count?  You sit up to poke at the remnants of your meal and think about his lips slurping up the spaghetti hungrily.  And the kiss that would have sent you to bed happily.   

Part 3

Masterlist

Tag

@chaneajoyyy​

[solalunar-eclipse]

Scars You Can’t See - Chapter 5

Chapter title: Ready to explode

Word count: about 3800 words (whoa)

Author’s Note: I think it’s about time I gave a shoutout to @teamxdark! Their comments have gotten me to start planning out some of the later chapters (and giving me a lot of inspiration), so I figured they deserved some credit!

And thank you to everyone who’s read this fic so far- every note I get is incredible and I hope you’re all enjoying the ride :)

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Sonic stared blankly at his phone screen for the fifth time this morning. The old texts and the name at the top of the messaging app blurred slightly as his eyes unfocused. He was waiting for...something. What, he wasn’t sure.

That was a lie.

Truthfully, he was hoping that the three little dots showing that someone was typing would appear like a miracle. He knew that wouldn’t happen, though. The hedgehog on the other end of the messages had turned off his phone entirely. Heck, Shadow was literally in hiding. There had been exactly one post on Chatter (which he and Tails totally hadn’t read over and over searching for hidden messages) and that was from Omega.

But chaos, how Sonic wished for just five minutes to talk to him. He hadn’t even realized before now how much he normally texted the hybrid in a day. The hero honestly just messaged whenever he saw something or found a funny joke that he thought Shadow would like. In dealing with his new absence, though, Sonic had come up with an idea to write down whatever it was he’d seen that he figured Shadow would enjoy and save it for later.

He was forced to stop this when he wrote nearly two thousand words’ worth of moments in half an hour.

Sonic cursed all the times he’d taken Shadow’s near-constant presence for granted. The hybrid had always been a punctual texter, despite Rouge’s repeated attempts to convince him that he didn’t have to answer right away. Even when the other hedgehog had been off on a mission, Sonic still had an idea of how long he needed to wait before he could start texting. But now, it could be days, weeks, or even months before he could talk to Shadow freely again.

What if you’ll never hear from him again? a nasty inner voice whispered. What if that call was the last time you got to hear his voice?

Sonic felt his stomach fall through the floor at that idea, before swallowing the sensation and shaking his head. He couldn’t doubt Team Dark like that! They were guaranteed to pull through, and kick G.U.N.’s butt in the process.

Speaking of which…

The hero was pretty angry at G.U.N., and that was actually a big deal for him. Sonic didn’t get angry, except sometimes at Eggman. Even when a bitter detractor had posted a lengthy essay on Chatter explaining exactly why Sonic was (supposedly) a terrible person, he hadn’t reacted in fury- or even close. He’d had his friends’ support, and honestly? He’d pitied the person more than anything. Anyone who was trying to tear others down had probably been hurt pretty badly themselves.

Sonic had even made a meme out of their misspelling of his name- “Sanic” was now a worldwide joke with a hilarious drawing to match.

But now, all he really wanted to do was beat someone up- some robots, some evil agents, whatever- and trash the whole organization until they were all falling over themselves to apologize. The fact that G.U.N. had dared to treat Shadow’s obviously painful past with no kindness whatsoever really got on his nerves. The hybrid had suffered a hundred times over, lost his memory, and even died to save the world, yet he still didn’t get the respect he deserved.

“Uhhh, Sonic? Is everything okay?”

The blue blur jumped, startled out of his spiraling thoughts. He heard a growling noise, and his eyes widened when he realized it was coming from him. Sonic could feel his lips curled back into a snarl and quickly straightened his face out, blinking and clearing his throat. “Yeah! Sorry, Tails…” he said, embarrassed at having been caught in that kind of state. The fox eyed him skeptically. “Really, I’m fine!”

“Are you su-”

“Yeah!” Sonic exclaimed, grinning reassuringly. No point in upsetting others with his own problems, after all. “Everything’s good here, buddy!”

“If you say so…” Tails muttered. He didn’t seem convinced, but accepted it despite this. “Anyway, what I came over to say was: we’re out of groceries- can you head out and get some? I made a list of everything we need, it’s right here!”

Ordinarily, Sonic would’ve complained loudly and with much drama about having to do something so menial as a grocery run when he was a hero, for chaos’ sake. But that wasn’t the case these days. “Sure thing!” Sonic agreed, feeling better already. With a distraction to keep his worries and negative thoughts away, he’d be back to normal in no time. “See ya soon!”

The blue blur dashed out the door- before returning a second later, a sheepish grin on his face. “Forgot the list,” he explained, rushing out again.

With the wind in his quills, it was almost too easy to forget everything that he’d been thinking about just moments before. Sonic grinned properly as he raced across fields and through side streets. This was his element, after all!  He made his way to his and Tails’ favorite grocery store, bounding over obstacles and pulling a few awesome parkour tricks he’d picked up over the years. Shadow had always gotten on their case for not supporting a more local store- this one was a big name, after all- but Sonic had--

He shook his head, walking into the building. No more thoughts like that! There was only so much ruminating on bittersweet memories a guy could do in a day.

His presence here was relatively common, so he didn’t do much more than turn a few heads as he stepped through the automatic doors into the air-conditioned halls of the large grocery store. Sonic forced himself to walk through the aisles (instead of sprinting through them and accidentally whipping half the items off the shelves in his wake). As he did so, though, he began to hear people talking. And they weren’t just talking about the latest viral video, or boring politics, or any of those things, either.

They were talking about them.

Of course, everyone would always change the subject when he walked by, chatting loudly about their dog or their kids or whatever. It was almost as though they were saying, “Don’t look at me! I didn’t say anything about your friends! I’m just here, minding my own business!” But of course none of them really had been.

He recognized that he was spiraling down the path of thinking about it again, even though there was nothing he could do. And now no matter what, the thoughts of some of his closest friends were tainted. Which totally didn’t frustrate him at all. 

It didn’t help, he thought irritably (not noticing the mild scowl that had appeared on his face), that G.U.N. was basically screaming in all the op-eds and information releases the organization could get their hands on that they weren’t in the wrong. They didn’t say that specifically, of course- that would be too obvious. Instead, they just published the same old news over and over again: Team Dark had stolen classified files and then run away. 

This had all begun to grate on Sonic’s nerves a little, particularly when pundits and newspaper writers alike began to spout wild conspiracy theories about Team Dark having been spies for ‘the enemy’- whoever that was- or that one of them had finally lost it...or even all three at once. The most frustrating, however, was when once avid supporters of the former G.U.N. agents completely disavowed them and distanced themselves from the team as much as possible. It made him want to pull a Knuckles and punch a wall- how could people turn on the team so easily?

The hero pulled himself back to reality to realize that he’d been staring at a can of soup for the past few minutes. And were those dents where his fingers had been? He put the can in his shopping cart, took a deep breath, and continued on, giving himself a little ride on the back of the cart as a treat. Normally, he’d remember his various accidents and restrain himself, but lately the hero had needed to clear his head. He deserved this.

A few minutes later, a chime on his phone let him know that Tails had sent him a message. Sonic opened it up and read the text: 

milesperhour: Sonic, I think you need to see this. Take a close look at paragraph 5. https://www.centralcitynews.com/team-dark-update

Sonic clicked the link, sighing, and began to scan the article. Another one? Really, he’d had enough of-

Oh boy. Oh wow. Okay.

They’d made a move. G.U.N. didn’t release much in the way of information- all they’d done was declare an official alert asking people to keep a lookout for Rouge, Shadow and Omega. And to tip G.U.N. off at a hotline that they’d provided for this purpose.

Sonic had learned how to read between the lines over the last few days, though, and on his second read-through, he saw what most would not. 

...are in possession of multiple classified files…

So they’d stolen more info? That must’ve been what Omega’s post was about! Sonic began to squeeze his phone hopefully. Maybe this was it, maybe soon this whole nightmare would be over!

He practically flew through the rest of the store at the thought. Team Dark would give G.U.N. what for, the organization would apologize, and then everything would be fine!

Sonic checked out in a hurry, rushing home as fast as he could. Slamming open the door, he yelled out, “Tails! Did you see- oh right, you sent me the article. But still! Things are looking up, buddy!”

Tails had a slightly lopsided grin on his face, making the hero’s heart sink. “What’s that look all about?”

“I don’t know- it’s probably nothing! After all, Team Dark can handle any situation they come up against...just, G.U.N. has a lot of resources, you know?”

Sonic’s smile returned in full force. “Sure they do, but they also owe me for saving the world, like, a million times over! Once we’ve got the Edge Gang back with us, I’ll go talk with the commander and get them to straighten everything out!”

“That sounds like corruption, Sonic…” Tails said, a wicked smirk appearing on his face.

“Dude, what?! No! I’d never-! I just meant I was gonna see if I could talk some sense into them- hey, get back here!” Sonic screeched, seeing Tails run off with the groceries...including the donut he’d bought for himself.

…

Later that afternoon, Sonic was in the middle of finally enjoying said donut after wrestling it from Tails’s (evil terrible Sonic-and-sugar-hating) claws. It was a little squished, but it was still great- he wasn’t complaining!

That was, of course, when he heard a loud, sharp knock on the door.

He jumped up and zipped over to the entry hall, pastry still in hand. Whipping open the door, a shocking sight greeted him- one that made all of his battle-honed senses immediately scream danger danger danger. Two impeccably dressed G.U.N. agents stood before him, a human and a barn owl. The human seemed pretty awkward, wearing slightly rumpled slacks and overall looking a little messy. The owl, however, despite being about the same height as the blue blur, exuded an air of steely discipline that would make everyone she faced feel about two inches tall.

Everyone except Sonic, that was. He was secure in the knowledge that his friends were not wrong, and he maintained his usual relaxed demeanor without a hitch. The hero smiled fake-pleasantly at the two agents, ignoring the fact that he had sugar glaze at the corners of his mouth and all over his glove. “Sorry, guys, I wasn't really expecting guests.” He gestured to himself as an obvious example. “Anything I can do for ya?”

He didn’t offer to let them inside, though. These agents were hunting down his friends, he was absolutely sure of that. Sonic refused to help them in any way, not when Team Dark was still out there and being threatened by their organization.

The barn owl gave him a look that nearly pierced through his very soul. “Sonic the Hedgehog. I am Agent Toya, and this is my colleague, Agent Jones. We have a few questions that we would like to ask you. Inside.” Her voice was cold and clear, with no trace of an accent.

Sonic felt a chill run down his spine, but kept his smile up regardless. “Sure thing!” he chirped, despite very much not wanting to let them in. “The living room’s right this way- make yourselves comfortable, I’ll be back there in a sec.” He honestly didn’t think he could have refused them entry without...complications.

The hero zipped over to Tails’s workshop, flinging open the door with a little more force than he’d intended. The fox jumped up in a fright when it smacked against the wall, staring at Sonic. “G.U.N. is here. Two agents.” he said quickly. The imminent sense of danger in the back of his head wouldn't leave him be, despite the fact that he was one of the most powerful people alive.

...Despite this, don’t let G.U.N. take you or anyone else anywhere. You might not come back…

...These people aren’t crazy geniuses- they’re ruthless destroyers…

“Oh, chaos.” Tails breathed. “I’ll wait nearby, okay? Then I can do something if they start getting too intense.”

Sonic nodded, before speeding back down to see the agents sitting on his couch. “Hi! So whatcha guys want?” he asked perkily, burying his thoughts for now.

“Hello to you too, Sonic.” Jones said politely. “How are you?”

The hero tugged slightly at the cuff of his glove. “Pretty good!” he lied through his grin. “Been chilling around the house for most of the day- how ‘bout you?”

“Not bad,” the human answered. “Work is work though, you know?”

“Yeah, sounds pretty rough.” Sonic said, a little unconvincingly. Before he could stop himself, he thought of all the late nights Shadow and Omega had spent working on paperwork and various odd jobs for G.U.N., and the times when Rouge had to cancel her dates with Knuckles because she was just too exhausted from work to do much of anything. His smile became slightly strained as he worked to keep his frustration on Team Dark’s behalf under wraps.

The owl gazed at him silently for a moment, having watched this whole awkward transaction with a calculating look in her eye. Then she spoke. “I’m certain you have seen the news lately.”

“Uhhh...kinda, I’m not big on newspapers, but I try to keep up, yeah! Always nice to see an article about yours truly, hah.” He played it off, deciding to act dumb for now.

Agent Jones shifted in his seat, looking cautious. “Yeah…” he said, offering up an incredibly fake smile. “I’m a bit of a fan, myself.”

Sonic knew exactly what was going on. It was almost so classic he had to laugh- the old good cop/bad cop scenario. The human was clearly trying to play the good cop, and not enjoying it either. The hedgehog had to wonder, though, was he just a better bad cop or uncomfortable because he was helping grill a hero?

Oh, right- Agent Toya was talking again. “We know that you have seen the articles published about the betrayal of Team Dark. Even if you do not read the news, one of your friends will have told you by now.”

The hedgehog’s eyes narrowed a little. “And what’s that supposed to mean? What do you want outta me?”

“You. Know. Something.” she said sharply. “That team- in particular Shadow the Hedgehog-” He tensed at her flippant use of his name, as if they weren’t hunting him down like he had legitimately gone bad. “-trust you. You are very close with them. They would not have left you with nothing.”

Sonic shook his head, trying one last time. “I don’t think so, lady. I know about as much as you- if that. It’s not like we’re besties or anything.”

Agent Jones shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know- it looks like you guys are pretty close to me. Not that that’s bad, I mean-!!” he amended rapidly, realizing his mistake. In addition to having blown his role as the ‘good cop’, he was now being stared down by a very irritated pair of green eyes. The look he was being given contrasted sharply with the grin plastered across the hero’s face, and the agent began to sweat slightly and avoid his stare.

Meanwhile, Sonic turned his attention back to Agent Toya, sitting up straight and squaring his shoulders in preparation for more. He was a fighter, after all.

It seemed that the barn owl came here ready for a fight as well, because her own eyes flashed and she straightened her G.U.N. uniform. “Sonic. We need information. Our organization has been compromised. Twice. We are in a crisis and we are ordering you to tell us what you know.”

That did it.

“As if!” the hero exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “You think I’m the kind of guy who’d sell his friends out and watch them get carted off to jail- or worse?! I don’t know as much as you think I do, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you!” He had probably blown any semblance of ignorance up now, but Sonic couldn’t find it in himself to care.

The owl agent stood as well, glaring at him. “If that is the attitude you are going to take, then we have no choice but to take you into custody.” She began to reach for the Taser on her belt at the same time as Jones grabbed the gun from his holster. Sonic’s eyes flickered between them both- the human he could take on, but he wasn’t completely sure about Toya’s skill with the Taser.

Could he get around them? Sure, but not without breaking something...and he hated to bust up his house just because a couple of agents showed up on his doorstep and pulled weapons on him. He’d handled worse odds, hadn’t he? But then he and Tails would constantly be on the run, and that was no way for a nine-year-old to live…

A loud crash resounded in the kitchen. Jones shouted and jumped up, Sonic’s head snapped around so fast he tweaked his neck, and Toya took a step backwards.

Rubbing his neck and wincing, Sonic yelled out, “Everything okay in there?”

Tails dashed into the room out of nowhere, crying out, “Sorry! Sorry! I was just working and wanted a drink- and I heard- I heard-” 

The fox then began to cry, sobbing and clinging to Sonic’s chest. “You’re not gonna take him away, are you? I need my big brother…” he sniffled. “Sonic, everything’s gonna be okay, right?”

The hero was trying his very hardest, meanwhile, to keep his jaw from hitting the floor as he watched his brother, a brave, intelligent sidekick and someone he was proud to fight beside, put on the most incredible show he’d ever seen. “I…I dunno, buddy…” he said honestly, uncertain about how to react. 

This seemed to be a pretty good move, as Tails immediately began to bawl harder and gasped, in between sobs, “Please don’t take him away from me!”

It appeared that Toya would not feel comfortable using force against Sonic (or even resuming her interrogation) when the young fox was around. Instead, she gave him a very pointed, piercing look, before declaring, “We will be back at a later date to continue this conversation.”

She stalked out the door, Jones shoving his gun back onto his belt and following sulkily behind her. As soon as she had gotten into her car and driven off, the hero sagged into the couch and let out a loud sigh. “Welp.”

Tails flew out of the room immediately afterwards, whispering a quick “Wait there and chill for a second I’ll be right back” before he exited. Once he returned, the fox crawled around on the couch next to Sonic before letting out an “Aha!” and holding up what appeared to be a tiny piece of metal.

“It’s a shame to have to do this, but…” he muttered, before vanishing with it. A couple minutes later, a very loud noise boomed from Tails’s workshop and made Sonic panic before blasting in there at top speed. 

“What was that?!” he shrieked. 

“Just destroying this camera that human agent left in our couch.” the engineer replied lightly.

“Wait- what??” Sonic gasped. “He did what?”

“I thought they’d be crazy to leave without planting one, so I checked the camera feed, and it was pretty obvious! He must be a new recruit.”

“Wait- you have a camera? In our living room?” the hero asked, feeling slightly creeped out.

Tails shrugged. “Well, I didn’t until recently, but I figured that G.U.N. would have to show up at our place eventually, so yeah.”

They both stayed there in silence for a minute, before making their way back down to the main house. 

“Well, what do we do now?” Tails wondered. 

“I dunno- you’re the smart guy, pal.” Sonic replied quickly. “I just don’t want to have to escape from them! I like running, but not away from people. Especially bad people.”

“Well...does it count as running if we’re hanging out with Knuckles?” the fox suggested hopefully.

Sonic sighed. “I guess not...it’d be cool with him, too, since Angel Island is a pretty safe place and all. I still hate the idea of hiding from them, though.”

“Maybe you won’t have to!” Tails said, trying to be cheerful. “After all, I don’t think people will buy it if G.U.N. says you’re a...traitor…” He trailed off, remembering a particularly eventful moment from their past.

“Yyyeah.” the hedgehog said dryly, having thought of the same thing. “That’s exactly why I didn’t have to ride through the streets of Central City on a piece of helicopter.”

“Let’s not think about that for now though, okay?” Sonic asked. “ I don’t like the idea of being scared all the time.”

Tails nodded in agreement. “Besides, we’ve handled them before! We can cross that bridge when we come to it anyway.”

Sonic grinned. “How about we watch some TV for now, take our minds off things?”

“Sure! But I’m definitely gonna tell Omega- or whoever calls us next- about this. They deserve to know.” the fox answered.

“Okay…” the blue blur said. He felt a little guilty that he could just turn on a movie and forget about G.U.N. for a while- Team Dark didn’t have that luxury. Quickly, though, he added, “Anything on there you’ve been dying to watch?”

Tails smiled happily, and Sonic decided that this was totally worth it. “Well, there is this one documentary…”

[purpleglitter2005]

Woke up at 10 again.Which according to the ones that gave me life is extremely unacceptable for a 10th std going to give her board exam in allegedly 3 months.Well it’s not announced yet so.....

While I’m writing this I’m lost thinking about the book that I’m currently reading;THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR by Nicola yoon.I guess when one sees the cover of the book they instantly get attracted to it because of its unique cover art byDominique Falla.But as they say don’t judge a book by its cover.I might be misleading here but the book is absolutely amazing till where I’ve read ofcourse.

The plot revolves around two individuals in their mid teens who have an instant connection and are eventually destined to fall in love.Daniel the poetic hopeless romantic, is the type of guy that any girl would fall head over heels for if she has good taste whereas Natasha is the type of gal that believes in the rational and realistic approach to life.The book might seem like the same old cliéched plot but it has a beautiful style of writing and unique approach.Besides Natasha and Daniel the book also involves many other characters.A full fledged review after I’m done with reading it.

Right now it’s almost two and all I’ve done is watch true crime vids on YouTube (Kendall Rae and Elenore neale ),solved a few math equations and listened to this song called xuronjana on loop.I don’t know what the lyrics mean yet but I would love to.So later on out of curiosity I might translate it from Assamese to English.It might be one of the best songs ever composed.The vocals as well as instrumentals really take one to heaven.I found it while watching one of Riya Gogoi’s videos when it used to be her outro song,I low key miss it now:(

I have two back two back tests today;Physics and English.Don’t get me wrong but I really love tests,they make me realise my dumbness and how unprepared in life I am.But this year because of COVID the number of tests reached a minimum.well online tests where 90% cheat isn’t really realistic.It’s extremely unfair and unwarranted for.But that’s life I guess,adapt to everything no matter how stupid it is.Maybe it’s not the fact that the teachers didn’t educate our batch properly but the fact that we failed to make the memories that we always dreamt of making in our final year.But everything happens for a reason.

The virus could’ve been a sign for the humans to change their ways,to tell them that the way you’re living life isn’t the right way,there are more important things than the ones that show on paper or the ones that are supposed to be your everything actually isn’t.The virus actually showed people how horrendous the education system is in India and how it can be improved.Hopefully the new education policy will fall in place by then.The power of the media was also showcased during this period.many talented people realised what their passion is during these few months.Most importantly the virus made us realise the value of people.For the ones who lost their loved ones to the virus this must’ve been a tough year and hopefully they have all of gods blessings.Loads of love and prayers for them.

Okay so I was so curious about the song that I stalked the producer : Tonmoy krypton and honestly I don’t regret it all his songs are so beautiful. Yes,I Still don’t understand a word.one day maybe I’ll learn Assamese just to understand every word of those songs.I said the same thing when I started watching k-dramas and animes,but Korean and Japanese aren’t that easy to learn.Animes are just awesome though.They are like a full creative space.The animation ,dialogues and the voice actors are just flawless.

My neighbour Toroto is a beautiful anime movie which I loved a lot growing up .I still remember I used to use the name Sauski in all my essays,until my one friend noticed,I didn’t really tell him because I didn’t want to seem awkward and weird.

So now I’ve got to study,I wish I could upload my thoughts daily but life gets in the middle.......

Love love...........

[umabitchiguess]

I have such conflicted opinions on the Harry Potter movies

Like on one hand I’m amazed that they were able to pull it off at all, it was a “Film Franchise” even before Marvel really got going, and trying to make eight films with the same cast in time with their ages must’ve been an insane task. And they were pretty good about pulling the most important plotlines out of the books and leaving the stuff that was important overall but not pertinent to the story.

And the music?? And the set??? And the shifting of moods of each film as the characters matured was all immaculate! The set is so complete and cohesive across all the films that I think it’s truly astonishing.

However, I’m amazed by the number of things that were just silly mistakes. The Dumbledoore goblet of fire moment has been memed into oblivion, and the directions were Right There in the book!! Also, movie Ron? @quinncurio has an amazing video essay on their youtube channel explaining all this, but Ron’s characterization in these movies was sidelined at best to the detriment of the characters arcs. Some might feel more strongly about this than I do, but the movies make Snape more sympathetic than in the books and I’m not sure if that’s good or not I don’t know. But they do leave out the nuance of the Marauders’ school years and make them out to be bullies and make Snape look like a blameles victim when in the books be certainly wasn’t. Also, things like the story of Voldemort’s parentage and characters like Tonks, Percy, Charlie, and Ginny were given flat personalities or weren’t there at all. Ginny especially. Where did her entire personality go?

I’m mostly talking about writing here but there’s a lot of stuff that seems to fall by the wayside that I want to critique but also feel bad critiquing because everyone who worked on those films obviously put their heart and soul into it, and most other aspects of the film are near perfect.

Anyway, thoughts?

[runtomy]

An Essay on Jaebeom: ‘Good Night☕️’

First time I finished watching Lim Jaebeom’s vlive, I thought I must talk about it and here I am.  

The video was posted in Dec 28, 2020, half an hour before midnight. And it’s the latest solo live from him, probably the last before he and his band mates ended their agency contract on vlive. I don’t know what will happen next, no clue.

It’s 98 minutes and gets more interesting by second that when it’s finished, I caught myself listening to him attentively. This is the first time I feel this way about idol’s vlive.

I just learned idols use vlive differently. As for JB, this very one episode make me want to watch other episode. The title for his solo live usually ‘Good Night’ then followed by a mug emoji. Gah! His efforts in maintaining consistency, even for this small thing really adorable.

He preserves.

I did fast forward many times when he’s not talking, because I came for the talks. It still take quite time because sometimes I’d like to go back to the part that I want read again.

I love his voice. Love his pronunciation, though I don’t understand what he said. I can catch many vocabulary in Korean from him despite not understanding the meaning. And he’s rather calm.

The angle make it look like we’re on videocall. His  double chin sometimes pop up. Adorable. How he prefer dim lighting, though questionable, he’s still shining. What matters is him comfortable to do live, comfortable to interact with fans through this platform.

It feels like he always mention movies, books, music he listen lately anytime and anywhere. Fans would ask him what movies he has watched recently, books he’s currently reading, or they recommend him some titles. I put them to watchlist and take notes instantly.

Even when he and his band mates were in an event, during interview, he mentioned a movie. They supposed to advertise for the e-commerce company. Of course he said so because the interviewer asked them. That’s so random, almost weird. Then I found a comment saying the movie JB mentioned in that video interview was good. I am double shocked. Now, I’m intrigued. The title is ‘Vanilla Sky’.

And food. He mentioned he like jeju tangerine chocolate. I like chocolate, I like the idea of jeju, but I hate tangerine. Still, I’d like to try it if I get to visit jeju.

In this episode, he mentioned: ‘Demon Slayer’. JB probably refer to the movie that’s released in 2020.

He sometimes brag but also humble himself a second later. Even if I don’t think he’s bragging. I guess it’s his way for himself, not because of fans or external factors. He shared a story about helping a lady cross the street recently. He put disclaimer that he’s not bragging. He just mentioned that while he’s there, seeing the lady, he ponder if he should help or let her do it herself. It’s like explaining how your brain work when you have several options for a situation and demanded to make decision quickly. If you have opportunity to help others, better use it. He didn’t say the last two sentences I just wrote, it’s my interpretation.

While I am here, listening to his story like, I DIDN’T THINK YOU’RE BRAGGING. At all.

He said he will not show his house, yet, he did ‘live’ in his house. This episode is probably one among several I haven’t seen yet. Then someone asked him to do house tour. He rejected it. Of course. No need further explanation. He’s such risk-taker.

Someone asked his birth time. Though he know his birth time, he refuse to tell them. Go boy! Don’t tell them. So astrologoers can’t after you.

Someone ask him to get married and he said he will one day. I found it interesting that fans encourage them to get married DIRECTLY. Right in front of their face. It’s been a while to witness some healthy mature mind with nice sense of humor.

The way he communicate with his cats, so adorable. For humor purpose, he’s like that stereotypical ‘cat dad’ or ‘cats butler’. The memes and jokes everywhere. Every cats butler must’ve checked their own memes. And if anyone point it out to him, he probably likes it.

What makes him even more interesting is he uses normal voice to cats. Not high nor low pitch.

He nurtures.

After watching this ‘live’, I learned that he often say ‘네’ (ne) = ‘yes’ every before, after, or in between his explanation. It’s the same as how some people would make ‘mmm’ or ‘eummm’ sounds while arranging the right words before speaking.

What he do is actually only responding to what fans ask him. He didn’t even initiate a topic, yet, I found this interesting. More likely because he’s good at giving response to make the audience keep interested.

Also him keep complaining about wifi connection. I thought korean wifi is one of the best. I don’t have anything to say about this, it’s just my assumption.

I have watched this ‘live’ several days ago so I can’t remember the details. I did remember the impression I learned from watching his ‘live’. It’s that I got new meaningful insights. Be it about his profession as idol, his works as artist, or simply as human.